#being forced to do things and feeling like I HAVE to exist when all I feel is fear and have delusions and hallucinations

[artssslut2]

I Told You It Would Happen

This can be a standalone or part three to something’s missing.

Art Donaldson x Reader

Summary: you are art finally got the news you had been waiting for.

It had been another month or two since you last took a test. You and Art decided to keep trying but try not to get too excited yet because it could take a while. However, you started having some symptoms you couldn’t ignore. The biggest being a missed period. When you noticed you wanted to jump up and down and tell Art, but then you thought about how disappointed he’d be if it was another negative. So you decided that you would just take the test alone while he was training.

As you sat in the bathroom waiting for the results of the test you felt guilty. Art had been right by your side every other time. Would he feel left out? Would he want to be here? You knew he’s want to be here weather it was positive or negative, you suddenly decided to cover up the test with a towel and wait for him to get home. You forced yourself to do everything in your power not to look at the test. “It’s probably negative” you kept telling yourself. You went for a long walk to try and distract yourself from what could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you (besides Art). You saw the time and knew Art would be home soon so you rushed back to the house. As you got to your house Art pulled into the drive way meeting him at the door. He looked surprised to see you out for a walk, it was kind of out of the ordinary for you.

“Whatcha doing babe?” Your husband asked wrapping his arms around you giving you a quick kiss.

“Just uh enjoying our beautiful neighborhood, why?” You answered clearly hiding something, you were a terrible liar and Art knew it.

“Yeah? What’s going on y/n/n?” Art asked you suspiciously neither of you opening the door yet

“I - um - I… I thought maybe I was pregnant because I missed my period so I was gonna take a test and not tell you unless it was positive because I didn’t want you to be disappointed but then I felt so guilty because I knew you would still want to be there no matter what the test said so I covered the test before I could see the results so that I could wait for you so we could both look and I’ve been trying so hard not to look and I’m kind of freaking out” you blurred out somehow all in one breath. Art waited a minute making sure you were done, you noticed a small smile growing on his face

“What? Are you mad?” You asked

“You think you’re pregnant?” He whispered sweetly

“Well I don’t know maybe” you replied still in panic mode

“What are we waiting for let’s go see if we’re parents!” Art happily replied pulling you in the door, you followed him to the master bathroom.

“You look. I can’t.” You ordered him gesturing to the towel the test was under.

“Are you sure?” He asked

“Yes now do it!” You barked desperate to know what it said. You watched him slowly lift the towel up looking at the test so only he could see it. His face was blank and you were sure it was negative

“What? What does it say?!” You suddenly we’re mad that you told Art just for it to be negative. His face still not showing anything. He looked down and you saw a smile form on his face. He looked at you

“We’re gonna be parents” he said quietly with tears in his eyes.

“What!? Lemme see!” You ripped the test from him.

“Oh my god!” You yelled grabbing arts face with the test still in your hand now you were both crying Art more than you

“You’re pregnant” Art cried pulling you in for the tightest hug ever

“I’m pregnant!” You cried back, Art dropped to his knees hugging your abdomen

“I told you it would happen” he said kissing you stomach. Your heart felt like it was glowing.

The rest on the night you practically stayed in the same position. You layer in bed and art layer by your stomach with his arms hugging your non existent baby bump. The night was filled with tears of joy, cuddles, and talk of nursery colors, names, what the baby would look like. Art even talked about giving them siblings but you reminded him that you guys should just focus on this one for now.

Art was right, it did happen.

[dykeyangel]

the whole queer eddie being included in a queer characters posts reminds me of like when people were wishing the bucktommy date scene got cut instead of the eddie and buck in Bobby’s room and eddie praying …when there is that whole random ass scene with no real adherence to the plot or the characters with polly the neighbour right there as an option for them to cut..but no they wanna cut the scene with the mlm queer couple (that many mlm queer men in this fandom love) all because they hate tommy, can’t handle a daddy issues joke, and the fact that it’s not eddie with buck

yeah ultimately a lot of their cries for activism and queer rep are performative. they do not truly care about queer characters or queer representation and i think most people could smell that from a mile away. these people have always been way more concerned with their own ship than with anything else. they like to pretend that if you don't ship The Thing or if you don't hate bucktommy then you must not want eddie to be queer or even like his character and that's. a thought lol. but i think it's really interesting why they've come to that conclusion.

like for me, i love eddie enough that i don't have to change his character to make him something that i like. i love eddie enough to allow him to be his own character outside of my own interpretation of his queerness and outside of his relationship with buck. but at the same time i also love eddie enough to see myself in him and create theories about his identity. these two things co-exist: seeing the character for what the canon shows me he is AND seeing the character for what i'd like him to be. i think most people are able to find the balance and be pretty normal about it. i think these people are genuinely so far deep into whatever they want the story to be that they have to rewrite canon to fit that perception of the character and feel threatened when that gets pointed out.

which again, like i truly do not give a shit if you do cherry pick canon, just don't come for people who are like hey you know that's just your headcanon right? like don't act like your own interpretation is better than anyone else's. it's not, it's still just an interpretation. i do read eddie as queer while still acknowledging that within the canon universe, he is identified as a straight man by canon. which makes my reading of him just a headcanon (aka canon in your head but not anywhere else), no less valid and important but still not the story they may be trying to tell.

i've talked about this a little bit before but i think a lot of the issue here is the idea of playing nice and remembering that this is all pretend which i don't think they've really had to deal with before. a lot of these people have never been confronted with another big kid on the block. their ship has kind of held precedent for a really long time, along with their headcanons and their ideas of what these characters are. so now that buck actually is bisexual and is dating a man, who isn't eddie, suddenly their entire worldview of canon breaks down.

now there's canon gay representation. now you don't have a moral argument to justify your ship bc that thing you've been begging for, "canon bi buck/more canon queer characters" does exist. so now what are you arguing for? just a preferred ship? no that can't be, it must be more than, we must be fighting for something bigger.

but now you're forced to confront that it's all just headcanons and vibes and theories that have ran unchallenged for years and years. so now you have a group of people who do not know how to grapple with the reality they are being shown vs the reality they've created in their heads clashing against people who are fans of the same reality the show lives in and don't really care about the non-canon anymore. which, if that's your prerogative, if you prefer non-canon stuff, then go for it, that's what fandom is for, but the issue here is that they view this as genuinely a threat. they don't want any other interpretation. it doesn't just feel like a threat to their ship, it feels like a threat to the canon world they've created about these characters. they see other people coming in excited for something that isn't their thing, and now feel like we're taking something away from them. they don't want to see canon anymore, even if it's something they used to claim they want. they don't want queer rep, they want to be proven right.

[high-priestess-of-chaos]

Sorry for rambling but I can't just thinking about this and I need people to listen to me I see Wanda smut fics all the time but I can't find post about analyzing and appreciating her character ( I see other fandoms do it with their fav characters I want one with Wanda too) Everything about Wanda's character is making me so freaking sad like i hate that half of her fans only care about her powers and that she's hot... she's more than that..I know it's fiction and it's not that serious but she makes me insane

She has every reason to be angry and be a Villain. because she didn't ask to suffer she didn't ask to be powerful and when she try to do something good and she did, the government put her in the raft everyone acts like she throws the bomb on the building on purpose when it's the only way to save Captain America and everyone around them. People blamed her for her own suffering and blamed her for a tragedy she didn't even cause, She can never come home because the house where all of her happy memories is made doesn't exist. She tried do everything to prove to everyone that she is good and it's not enough. The girl who only wanted people to accept her, the girl who only wanted to be love, the girl who wanted to be good, wasn't good enough

Her and Pietro is trapped under the rubbles of her own house for 2 days, no cause I can't imagine what that must be like? They know their parents are dead. They don't know if they are going to survive. They don't know if someone is going to come rescue them. And when they got rescued. They probably did not have given the chance to grieve their parents. Her parents body are probably unrecognizable and were buried in a mass grave, They are force to grow up too quickly and they have no choice but to accept it.

The reason she ends up so checked out of reality is probably that horrible things keep happening to her, and she has no choice but to go "ok" and move on from that. The moment she first appeared, the way she behave and act it's obvious she have aggression issues and emotional maturity. She used to go to rallies and protests because the government of her country sucks, (shown in aou) and she grew up with her brother, who probably tried to do everything to stop both of them from starving to death. She joined Hydra because she thought she'd be doing something that would help her and her brother, she didn't join them because she agreed with them. ( It's literally implied that hydra is pretending to be shield and is recruiting volunteers)

She did not throw that bomb on that building on purpose; she's trying to save Steve and the people around her. She literally saved a lot of people's lives there, but people keep focusing on her mistake.

Wanda had done so many good things because she was good despite every reason not to. If she is "evil" from the beginning she would have not side with the avengers and just run away after learning Ultron's real plan

She would have not tried so hard to stop the bombs in Lagos if she did not care about other people's life. she save Natasha's and okoye's life, She did everything she could to stop thanos, she did everything the team ordered her to do.

She doesn't want to kill vision because she's afraid of being alone. Westview happened because she couldn't take it anymore. If She is evil she would have not the of people of that town go

"Why didn't she go to therapy?"

Girl, I don't think therapists in the "M*rvel" can help her. You know how people there react to her. If she goes to a therapist, it will probably make her worse. She wants Vision back because he's the only one who understands and truly loves her, and he treats her better than most people there.

She wants her sons back because they make her feel normal and human.They probably reminds her of her life when she is young before everything went horrible. And I don't want to her that "ThEy ArE nOt rEaL" bullshit, They are real to her, she gave birth them. She feels them kicking in her stomach, she touch them she cooks for them, change their diapers, made memories with them, they are not just objects or toys to her, they are her children, she gave life to them, they have souls, they just don't have a physical body

No cause Wanda is happy in Edinburg with vision, those are probably the times where she feels real happiness and thanos ruined everything.

If thanos didn't come, Wanda and vision will be have a real marriage and probably have adopted real children.

Wanda only want people to accept her, she only wanted to be treated like a human being, she doesn't care about being powerful. All of the crimes she committed happened because ever since she's a little she suffered, and I don't care if there are other people who suffers than her, people process trauma differently.

the way Wanda is influenced with something dark and evil and all of she ever wanted is to hug her sons again, she did not want to rule the entire universe she didn't want anything all she ever wanted is to be with her family

Wanda realize she have the power to do everything she wants (darkhold influ.)

that she has a will and that she can make her self happy and I love her for trying.b and I do think she makes stupid and horrible decisions, but so do I, and that's okay;

She's been a hero, a victim, and a villain. because the writers and the shitty universe she's in, don't know what to make of her they accidentally created a character with so many potential and they don't know what to do next and they just killed her off because they think she's not as important like the rest, and majority of her fans just cares about her powers, they only care that she can "solo" people hated Wanda's character because of that. People won't look deeper into her character because the people that claimed to love her also weaponized her. She is doomed by the narrative, ruined by her some of her "fans" and we might not see her again because the universe she's in sucks.

rahhh I am losing it over a fictional woman who has been dead for (?)2 years :(

sorry again for yapping to much I just love this woman so much, my English is not that great sorry if some words are use incorrectly and I am half asleep while typing this so sorry for typos... goodnight

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, I keep posting around what I actually wanna say about Buck, Eddie, and the parallel love lives, and, well, their love lives have been written as parallel but misaligned, but I don't think they are that misaligned anymore. Or at least they are the closest they have ever been. Abby and Shannon both serve as the first love who left and never gave them real closure, Abby left, forced Buck to leave her, came back and didn't admit to anything, just continued to force Buck to deal with it on his own, and Shannon left, only came back because Eddie asked her to, and she died right after asking for a divorce, so she never gave Eddie time to process the idea of permanently letting go of her before he was forced to do it on his own, and they are the love they keep reliving, because they were forced to find that closure on their own and they can't. Eddie because he is actively chasing Shannon and Buck because he is trapped in the same structure as his relationship with Abby, meeting because of work, the other person starts it, they leave at some point, at most times it feels like Buck is more in it than the other person. Buck gets a whole apartment because of Ali, Taylor was never as intense as we knew she could be about Buck, Natalia ran away because of who he is, Tommy doesn't seem to be putting in as much effort as he could. Ana, Marisol, and Kim and Ali, Taylor, Natalia, and Tommy, they get scrambled in the parallels between themselves though. I think mostly because where Buck needs time, Eddie needs intensity. Buck will realize stuff if you give him enough time, Eddie will only realize shit if it slaps him in the face. And Eddie's breakups tend to be Eddie's fault, where Buck breakups are usually because the other person does something. So one to one parallels are hard to draw, but they are there. Ana and Ali both are relationships that started because people keep telling them it was time to move on. Natalia and Marisol show up in their lives because of a call that wasn't about them, and they go out because they actually want to ask them out. Tommy and Kim both give the impression of it being about someone else, Kim is a carbon copy of Shannon, Tommy is presented to us as very similar to Eddie and he also parallels other Buck li, and there's also the way Eddie doesn't really want to date Kim and Buck and Tommy have the conversation about taking things slow. Taylor exists in a different situation because Eddie doesn't really have a multiseason love interest, Ana has a lot less episodes, so it's hard to compare the introductions, but Taylor and Ana parallel each other with the being introduced in an episode their family gets hurt, the whole thing with the brownies and Bobby and Chris and the skateboard, and the hurting Buck and Eddie part comes from their jobs, Taylor wants to capitalize on Bobby's addiction and Ana was the teacher responsible for making sure Chris stays safe, I think even the way Taylor's camera man teases them and the way Carla teases Eddie about Ana, structure wise Taylor and Ana are introduced in a similar way, and then coming back into their lives in unrelated circumstances, Taylor happens to be covering a scene Buck is working on and Eddie runs into Ana again during an unrelated call and later asking them out because of peer pressure. Ali, Ana, Taylor, and Marisol also parallel each other with being someone they meet while working and then start dating after a period of time has passed unlike Natalia. Taylor, Ana, and Natalia all get treated by them and that's interesting when they are not actually paramedics. There are a bunch of parallels between Natalia and Ana when it comes to conversations Buck and Eddie have with them too.

Kim parallels Taylor with the way both of them create chaos in their personal lives, Kim ends up making Chris want to leave and causes the breakup with Marisol, Taylor continues to try to capitalize on Buck's family even in a situation where their lives were actually at stake (and Chim is family in a more traditional way, now obviously because he's Buck's brother in law but at the time because he's the father of Buck's niece, and it is interesting that Chim leaves and actively wants to be as far away as possible from Buck and Chris is trying to get as far away as possible from Eddie, and I know the Chim's situation is not about Buck, but the person getting hurt the most over Taylor/Kim actions actually leaves the state while wanting to stay away from Buck/Eddie after finding out they were keeping something from them, which is something).

So the storyline parallels between all the love interests are there, but the things that's been getting me the most right now are the lines you can draw between Tommy and Kim. Because the thing is, while Eddie is actively chasing Shannon, I believe that Buck has let the Abby ship sail, but they are both looking in familiarity for something they already have with each other. With familiarity I mean the way Tommy parallels all of Buck's love interests, including Eddie, and the way Kim literally looks familiar. But also the way neither would have a chance of working long term because of that familiarity. Eddie can never bring Kim into his life, so that relationship would forever be surface level, and so far no real depth has been added to Buck and Tommy even though the show had opportunities to do so. Both Tommy and Kim presented Buck and Eddie with something they wanted but weren't fully aware of until they slammed into them, with Buck is the general concept of attraction to men he couldn't understand on his own and with Eddie, he didn't fully confront the way he still wants something from Shannon, that being more time, closure, or just the general feeling of grief that sometimes gets so unbearable you just want it to stop for a little bit and Kim was enough to trick his brain so it would stop for a second, I don't know, but she was offering something. But either way Eddie is finally at a point where he might actually look around to try and find out what he wants, because he was forced to confront the ghost of Shannon and Chris is not there, so he's at a point where he has enough puzzle pieces to realize that what he wants is the life he already has with Buck, the same way Buck can trip into the realization he already built his idea of love with someone, he just didn't understand Eddie is also an option. I think both of them work as a way to expand Buck and Eddie's dating pool, Eddie beyond what's expected from him, a mother for Chris, and Buck beyond women. So I think this is the closest they've ever been to actually being able to stumble into each other.

[rainbowlemonslices]

I hope you learn to listen to science. I genuinely wholeheartedly hope that your experience hasn't harmed you if you truly are a system. Trauma is tough, I hope you find peace.

Endos may be scientifically impossible, and the endo community has done horrible things to the system community as a whole, but I truly do hope you are okay, regardless of being horribly misinformed.

omg our first hate ask! our blog is big enough for that, yippee! /s

violet here! okay, so normally i wouldn’t respond to this kind of thing very intensely because honestly we don’t like getting into syscourse much. however, this is a good time and place to put our stance on things, as well as answer this ask anyways. (everything is going below the cut now since it is a bit long)

okay so first of all, i wanna address the fact that you are implying that we’ve had trauma, and this isn’t really true. sure we’ve had a few scary events and whatnot from when we were younger, but we don’t really have trauma. our family is and was, for the most part, kind and caring as well, and hasn’t informed us of any traumatic events.

back when we thought we were traumagenic, as it was the only type of system we had known of at the time, we were stumped on one thing. where our trauma was. and believe me when i say we dug and dug and dug, trying to find anything that would be traumatic. it became a major life focus, made us paranoid, and made us feel horrible that we hadn’t found anything. we tried to force memories that didn’t exist. starting becoming scared of things that had never happened to us. tried to reason that fictive exomemories must be telling us something about our past trauma. and yet, we found nothing.

so, despite having no trauma whatsoever, we still felt all of these things. we were scared, and felt horribly like frauds. during therapy sessions about plurality, we shared almost nothing because we were scared that because we couldn’t find our trauma, that we couldn’t be real. we were told by both the therapist and our mom that our headmates were not real. cyan started to push us away in fear. headmates began to hide themselves away too. even our happy littles, who are the whole reason we know we’re plural, hid. the only two people near the front were cyan and purple. both of them were screaming and crying at each other. cyan told purple to go away because e “wasn’t real”. purple broke, and after months of feeling so happy together, we broke apart, feeling more empty than before.

and yet, the headmates never really left. we continued to show up, even though many of us were in denial about being real. we are still there, a long time after being told we didn’t exist. we still experience changes in who controls the body, contrasting likes and dislikes, very different personalities from each other. we were still there.

so, we eventually stumbled onto the term endogenic, and things just kind of clicked. hearing that we are a system, even though it wasn’t caused by trauma was life changing. finally, we started to feel whole, we started to feel like we understood and belonged. we realized that we are still real, and much more real than we were when we were digging for trauma that didn’t exist. that’s how we know we’re real. we know our own experiences, and one person telling us that we’re “scientifically impossible” and doing “horrible things to the system community” isn’t going to change that fact that we exist.

however, i’m not done yet. you happened to say that endos are “scientifically impossible” and doing “horrible things to the system community”, as previously mentioned. however, these claims aren’t really very true.

firstly, i would love if you could provide me some actual evidence that endogenic systems can’t exist, since you are the one making such a claim. secondly, some evidence for endos being harmful would also be great as well.

thing number one, here is an article that is commonly brought up in endo related debates that i could not leave out. i suggest you check it out and give it a good read. since it is a source that mostly speaks for itself, i will simply let you read the many pages worth of information on endogenic systems.

in addition to that, here is another article i found on my own time, and while it is not particularly about endogenic systems, i felt it was informative regardless. i would like to preface this by saying i am not exact a fan of this article, as there were some parts that i didn’t like how it was written and what not, but it is a third person perspective, neutral group, with no bias. if i am reading it correctly (which i really do hope i am, though sometimes i do fail on my reading comprehension), the article is about the ties in plurality and other identities, as well as making comparisons in traumagenic plurality versus other pluralities, tulpas and endos. primarily, the comparison section is about tulpas and traumagenic, and i am not well educated on those, so i will be leaving that part at that. what i’m primarily here to call out is the way it describes how similar the experiences and symptoms are noted from both traumagenic systems and nontraumagenic systems, as well as the segments where it states that many traumagenic systems may not meet all the criteria’s for a diagnosis. i bring this up because it seems as if some anti endos think that to be plural you MUST fit all of the diagnostic criteria AND be traumagenic, when this does not appear to be true. the DSM is NOT a holy text, and scientists discover new things quite frequently.

for you last point, i’m a bit confused on where you’re getting that the endo community has “done horrible things to the system community as a whole”. i have never seen that before, and that is an incredibly bold claim to make without presenting any evidence of this happening. since i’m not exactly sure what you are talking about, or what you mean by “horrible things”, i will just says that endos are not harming the plural community. for starters, “plural” is a term that INCLUDES endos, and i believe it was MADE for this purpose (however i currently cannot find the source for this information, i have seen it many times). so, by pushing endos away, the PLURAL community is being harmed. i since i assume you are equating traumagenic to DID/OSDD (which i believe are not the same, but i am unsure of where any sources on that are either), i would also like to inform you that i have NEVER seen an endogenic system claim to have DID or OSDD. endogenic systems are NOT inherently claiming to be a disordered system. we are NOT taking away from traumagenic systems.

that being said, i would LOVE to inform you that we ARE okay, and are doing quite well as we are becoming informed on endogenic systems. thank you for your time to anyone who read this!

also please let me know if i said anything stupid, or messed up! i have no idea if i’m doing this right at all! i’ve never really done syscourse like this before so this is a first! (and please let me know if the second source is bad, since i bet someone is much better at reading and breaking down those types of studies and articles)

[gabbbyyyyyyyyyy]

Dagda Crom Cruach headcanons because i love this little guy sm

headcanons below the cut ⬇️

-Dagda is an accidental muse. When Agriculture began to pop off in the 1800s, Dagda Crom Cruach was born as the physical embodiment of the sorrows and fears the average farmer has. Farmers nationwide have reports of experiencing nightmares about a weird scarecrow doing unruly acts at their barnhouses—such as eating and killing crops, and livestock. What’s worse? It’s always déjà rêvé. Implying that Dagda has some sort of connection to the real world as well, being able to simulate damages in both the dream, and real world.

-When not roaming around and terrorizing farmers, he scares off stray souls that trespass in the Nightmare Realm…It’s not very affective as a job, in comparison to everyone else in the Astral Circle, but it’s something!

-Has only a stick holding him up, and is connected to his body VIA rope. acting as a singular leg that he uses to hop around. The rope used to tie him onto the stick has an extended end, which can move on its own, acting as a tail.

(And before you all ask, yes. It wags when he gets excited)

-He has many pet crows! But they aren’t allowed in the astral circle for…many reasons. Mainly pertaining to his unwilling friend and roomate, Izanami.

-Speaking of him and Izanami Yomi: Izanami, after moving in, didn’t notice or acknowledge Dagda’s existence until around a week later, following a bad crow infestation. Many complaints were filed that day. (As of current, they’ve been getting along decently, aside from the occasional banter)

-Dagda is the shortest Nightmare, at 4’11

-He also is, considered, the weakest out of all the nightmares…despite the title, he’s not a force to be reckoned with, no matter how aloof and playful he is. Especially considering the strength of the other guys…

-He, Shub, and Ishtar are best friends, and usually go out to bother farmers and steal their stuff for funsies

-Dagda, unless greatly severed or torn up in some way, cannot feel basic pain. And when he does feel pain, it holds the same affect on his as Tickling does.

-Has an odd relationship with the Clown… (yes, the one from Unlikely) See, the thing is. The Clown likes playing games and all…But Dagda is. A special case. Dagda here lost against the Clown…many times over. Whenever someone loses to the Clown, they not only lost the game, but their life as well—Unlike Dagda here, who not only endures the attacks (despite the damage), and just. Keeps coming back. And every time he comes back, every single time. he keeps losing, and losing, and losing. So much so that the Clown has grown concerned. Dagda seems to get a kick out of this—following the Clown around, Requesting to do different activities with the clown, even going as far as to break into the front desk just to wait for the Clown’s arrival. As if he’s some sort of “secret admirer” …Though the Clown can’t deny that the acts are indeed charming, in a pathetic sense, it feels strange, coming from someone so low in terms of strength and wits… perhaps it’s the extreme pain tolerance? His freakishly playful attitude? Or…maybe it’s something with Dagda himself that intrigues him…

-With his strange correspondence to the psychopathic Clown, comes an even worse dependence on the local nurse (Xuchilbara), she has to go and get him whenever and after he and the Clown cross paths, and stitch his stubborn self back up, every time. Xuchilbara doesn’t get paid enough for this, and is quite frankly sick of his shit

-VERY clumsy. Give him a simple task and you’d probably find him fainted on the floor with about 40 brand new counts if property damage

-Very rarely serious. Only ever acts serious when something SUPER bad has happened in the astral circle. Either that, or if he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed (+ is actually scary when angry/upset)

-he bites.

-May or may not be related to Orcus, despite barely knowing him outside of his encounters with Yan Luo

-He hides behind his hat when he’s embarrassed, shy, or scared

-Met Alf once in a dream. Tormented him + made him super late for work (and probably also made him have an identity crisis)

-Dagda can communicate with dolls and toys, considering he…technically is one, to some degree…

-His relationship with a certain Neighbor (Xezbet) Isn’t too good…Considering how his job as a Soul Scarecrow was meant to drive Souls away….and how Xezbet, a Soul Eater, eats souls…it ends up having the Souls get away, and Xezbet to get angry that Dagda let his lunch go to waste…they’ll probably warm up to eachother somehow…probably…

[samlovesradiohead]

false idols - ch. 3

lucifer x f!reader

cw: none

wc: 1.6k

a/n: IM SO SORRYFOR THE MONTH LONG WAIT. this took so long i was sick like a dog and was dying basically and went on vacation. lucifer is the tortured poet in ttpd. im cravin tv dick. does vox actually own a vape company cuz thats so fucking funny. mine died but i wouldnt purchase one from him its probably like battery acid ice or boypussy colada knowing his ass. need him tho.

song: loml - taylor swift

Lucifer adjusts any imperfections in his outfit in the grandiose mirror of the bathroom. He’s glad he gave himself an hour to head to his daughter’s hotel. He could’ve easily just opened a portal and walked right in after the call, but he decided he needed some time to collect himself before seeing his daughter who he hasn’t seen in… God he doesn’t even know, how pathetic is that? 

Lucifer continues to smooth out the miniscule tidbits in his coat before mulling over what’s to be expected. 

Let’s get one thing straight: Lucifer is not fond of sinners. The existence of hell and its sinner population is basically a big “fuck you” from upstairs. Being forced to see what his gift to humanity is being used for AND having to live in the same realm as them is disheartening, as if eternal damnation wasn’t enough. He supposes this is a part of the punishment. Nevertheless, Lucifer still hates sinners. They have forsaken his gift, why should he pay them any mind? 

However, like her mother, Charlie wishes to help her people. It was inspiring, truly. It’s nice knowing that she took after her mother, instead of growing up to be a recluse that hates the world like her father. He would have to set aside his prejudice in her presence. He doesn’t want to fuck up this chance because of his beliefs. The silent betrayal against his own daughter — abandoning her when she needed him the most — weighed heavily on his mind. He was so engulfed in the agony of losing the love of his life, he hid away from the world, including their child. It was an indirect act of selfishness, he recognizes. Lucifer only hopes to rekindle any kind of existing embers between Charlie and himself, if they are still there.  

He checks the time on his watch, just one minute before he is expected. He is anxious out of his mind. But, he can’t just not go. He opens a portal that directly leads to the door of the hotel. After he steps out and into the new environment, he takes a deep breath. Being outside for the first time in years makes him realize how much of a reclusive hermit he’s been in his own realm. He rules hell, but he feels so alienated. The perpetual smoggy air and almost sulfuric odor are not helping his nerves, he decides now is the time. 

Knock knock. Before he could even knock a third time, he is greeted by his daughter. He smiles, albeit awkward, but he is genuinely happy to see her. The same expression is reflected on Charlie’s as well: nervous and awkward, but welcoming. “Charlie! It’s so good to see you!” On immediate impulse, he jumps into a tight hug, practically squeezing out Charlie’s lifeforce. 

“Hi Dad, nice to see you too,” she manages to squeak out. She finally gets to breathe after Lucifer relinquishes his hold on her. She ushers him inside and into the lobby, varying aesthetics in all corners giving him whiplash. He continues to smile awkwardly as Charlie begins to introduce the establishment formally. She talks about the goal of the hotel and her plans on how to achieve that. He loves her, he does, but he couldn’t help but grimace as she talks about helping sinners. Personally, he thinks these sinners have the same chance as he does when it comes to seeing the pearly gates. The Pride Ring is littered with sinners doing hardcore drugs, fucking each other, murdering each other, or all of the above at the same time. How Charlie sees the good in these people, he does not know yet. He pushes those thoughts aside as Charlie starts introducing the hotel staff and residents. 

To be quite honest, he had no interest in learning anything about the sinners. Greeting them is fine, but being all buddy-buddy is not what he’s trying to do. Especially that weird red deer guy, what a fucking prick, Lucifer thought. Attempting to upstage HIM? He’s a depressed, sorta-divorced dad who's been banished from Paradise, but even he knows his power and status. He’s not the ruler of the Pride Ring for no reason.

 Still, Charlie introduces the others, with her girlfriend Maggie (?) being the first. He supposed he had to be nice to Maggie (??), for all he knew she could be his future daughter-in-law. Then there was a cat bartender, a steam-punk-esque serpent, a freakishly tall feminine spider, and a mini-cycloptic maid. 

Charlie leads Lucifer to the last person he has yet to greet. “And here is our newest addition to the hotel! She just arrived in Hell yesterday, saw an ad for the hotel, then came straight here! She used to be a pop star in the human world! Her music is sooo good you must check it out!” Charlie excitedly rambles on while clutching onto your shoulders, shaking you in the process. You release a nervous chuckle, clearly anxious about meeting the King on your second day of hell. 

Fuck, Lucifer internally thinks. 

You are gorgeous. Beauty that is dangerously bewitching. It was hypnotic. Like the moon’s light dancing and rippling on waves in a dark sea. Beauty that only could’ve been formed from the hands of his father. You are alluring and he fears that, but he couldn’t help but be enchanted. He didn’t linger on the notion for too long, but he thought if you were the one he sought out in Eden, he would’ve hung up his divinity immediately. 

But his thoughts, as always, were against him. 

He feels guilty for finding you attractive, extremely attractive at that. Guilt from the fact that you were a sinner, the very specimen that he despised. And guilt from his marriage. The chain Lilith had around him was evident, metaphorical and physical, as he still wears his ring. The chances of her coming back were as low as they could be. 7 years of dead silence. He’s tired of waiting, it’s quite literally driving him crazy. But the inner turmoil that is raging in him feels immense guilt. Thousands of years spent with one person, the person you considered the other half of your soul, just for them to leave you? Of course, one would be hesitant on hopping back into the dating scene. Because not even falling from grace was enough for Lilith, apparently. 

What lengths would he have to take to make you stay, if he were to pursue? Maybe it’d be best if he were to not pursue at all. 

Lucifer is seriously done with being hopeless. For now, he decides, he’ll keep his distance. Besides, he barely even knows you. But the familiarity is drawing him in, undeniably so. 

As you shyly thank Charlie for the compliments, he cannot help but stare like a fool. Your attention turns back to him now, you are clearly nervous as much as he was. 

“Hello,” you give him your name. “Charlie basically told you what I do, or did. It’s nice to meet you,” you say softly, your voice equally as enchanting as your beauty. 

Lucifer feels his throat closing up, as he nervously squeaks out his response. “H-hello. I think you already know who I am, ha ha… I hope hell hasn’t treated you too badly yet?” He figures he could engage in minor conversation. Even now, he feels terrible for fiddling with the ring on his finger, something he has turned into a habit when he’s overly anxious. Finding comfort in the symbol of a union that fell apart. 

You shook your head no. “Everyone’s been kind to me so far, but that’s probably because I haven’t been in the city. Your daughter is so sweet, she’s super  accommodating and it’s so…  refreshing to see someone genuine like that.” His heart clenches as you voice your appreciation for his pride and joy. But, he couldn’t help but wonder what made you say that. You look relieved when mentioning the genuinity of Charlie. He’s aware of how shitty the entertainment industry is in hell. He wonders if those kinds of behaviors are similar to those in the human world. 

“Oh, stop!” Charlie lets out a light laugh. “I just want to help my people.” There it is. Echoing her mother’s ideals, or at least, former ideals. It stirs a melancholic feeling in him. Before he could reply, Charlie, thankfully, butts in. “OOH! This is a perfect time to ask.” 

She explains her new idea on bringing new residents in: hosting a mini-concert, with you performing, at the hotel. While they enjoy the performance, they have the chance to learn more about the hotel and redemption. “Of course, this is still in the planning phase! I don’t want to usher them into work when they just got here. Buuuuuut if it’s possible for you to create a stage with your angel magic what-not when we decide on all the details, it’d be great!!”

Almost all would say Charlie was just like her father in his early days: an ambitious dreamer. He can see it now. He couldn’t help but smile, without the awkwardness that clung to him like skin. “Sure, kiddo. Just say the word, and I’ll do it.”

“Funny you say that… anyway! Let me continue the tour and show you around.” 

That pompous red fucker decided to join, putting Lucifer in a bit of a sour mood. The subliminal disses he was throwing at the king was off-putting. But whatever, not like he could do shit. 

As he follows his daughter and her co-host through the halls, he subconsciously twists the band on his finger.

-------

tags:

@vififofum

@kyo-kyo1

[sergle]

what I was talking abt earlier. we have fully looped back around and away from feminism, societally, whereas before it was very Feminism 101 to acknowledge that many parts of existing as a woman in a misogynistic society are painful and upsetting. not that being a woman is Inherently Negative in a bubble. but that living on this earth, in the conditions we're living in, is hostile to women. and that gender is a performance. that many of the Staples Of Femininity as accepted by society are things that you have to create and perform and mold artificially and aren't inherent, that COMPLAINING about day to day difficulties of existing as a woman is something that you're allowed to do. acknowledging these basic, again, feminism 101 things, that something tied to womanhood is more time consuming or more expensive or more dangerous Because Of The Problems. does not CREATE the problems. that when women complain about having to perform femininity, they are not, in fact, oppressing themselves. the call does not come from inside the fucking house. saying that you HAVE suffered does not fucking equate that you believe you SHOULD have suffered.

like I could talk about this for hours. how braindead and one-dimensional the Takes are getting. "being a woman is looking in the mirror and going fuck yeah i'm a woman" damn. I guess any negative experiences you have by living in a misogynistic world... are your fault if you are anything but positive? "you don't actually want liberation" we've fully gone back to telling feminists "you WANT to be oppressed" when anything negative about our society is pointed out. it's not real until I say it out loud, I guess, and then I'm actually the one who caused it. if anybody expresses any unhappiness with how they're treated or the status quo or the language and culture surrounding womanhood and femininity. they've created it, right that second. they invented it just now. it wasn't a problem before somebody complained, right? also trans women aren't braindead zombies who just follow the flow of whatever cis women around them say. I am pretty fucking sure they are very much aware of pain, and are MORE than aware of the swirling torrent of misogyny and standards of femininity than anybody else. actually. and I am pretty sure someone complaining on tumblr that being a woman means always putting on a performance is going to make someone change their mind about transitioning. also "performing femininity" as a necessity to being treated well as a woman is not fucking NEWS to your Local Trans Woman. I AM PRETTY SURE SHE GETS THE CONCEPT. using trans women as a scapegoat for this braindead perspective on gender politics is spineless, meritless, and pathetic.

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

[firefl1ezz]

i just. hit s+ rank in splatoon and i never honestly thought this would happen?? am i cool now.. do i get to be a part of the s4? do i get to be watered down to my running joke all the time?

[undead-potatoes]

Not loving this increasingly weird behavior in fandom where they'll look at a female character behaving in certain ways and go "ooooh that's so hashtag girlboss, feminism wins uwu", but then you look deeper into it and she's actually just behaving out of fear or deep rooted trauma

[pepprs]

the mortifying ordeal of today being a potluck day.

[sick-as-a-dog]

×

[lupismaris]

Right. Called friend to ask her and her husband to come hangout tomorrow evening so i have someone to grocery shop with and help 'round the kitchen for meal prepping/cleaning out foods i can't have for the next month with a big pasta night dinner. Asking for help sucks when people have shamed you for it all your life but i promise you it is freeing and essential. She didn't even hesitate she just said yeah sounds great they'll be by after seeing another friend earlier in the day what can they bring. Sometimes it's that simple.

Gonna get dressed. Try and hold off a cry. Order a pizza. Pick up pre rolls. Pick up pizza. Come home. Have a smoke. Eat something. Watch Craig!bond probably. Call with Dec. In some order.

Somewhere in the mix have the big weighty cry i feel building.

Bath. Another smoke. Back to bed.

[roaringroa]

so grateful that i managed to restrain myself from properly falling in love with my friend and contained my feelings to a common crush

[dan-crimes]

I don't personally enjoy death in my stories for one because I have no experience with it personally and for two because you can't torture a character anymore once they've died 😇