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seanfalco · 3 years

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Learning How to Make Love | Misfits Timeline Anomaly’verse

an oc x oc collaboration between @seanfalco & @super-unpredictable98

Word Count: 5.1k Warnings: Smut, nothing extreme lol a/n: This is the direct continuation of A Cure for Stage Fright.

[ masterlist ]

Lydia noticed Win was quiet on the way back home after the scene outside the venue. It was definitely one of the downsides of their job — people feeling entitled to your body, to your personal life...

Knowing how hard it could be, she simply held her girlfriend's hand, rubbing soothing circles with her thumb, hoping that by the time they got home she would feel a little bit better.

"Finally!" Lydia sighed as they arrived at the flat. "I need a shower... do you wanna go first, Winnie? Or come with me?" she offered.

"Can I come with you?" Lyddie's Nathan exclaimed, raising his hand.

"Have you just performed for a venue full of people?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. "Didn't think so."

“Would you mind if I join you?” Win asked quietly, not really wanting to wait around in her sweaty clothes, and the thought of being close to Lydia sounded nice.

"Not at all, come on.” Locking arms with Win, Lydia led her to the bathroom. "Are you okay, baby? Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked, quickly undressing before waiting for the water to get warm to climb in the shower, her hair draping down her neck like a blue curtain as soon as the water hit it.

Win joined her girlfriend and traded places with her, letting the water run over her as well. “I’m fine...” she sighed. “I dunno why it got t’me like that. I’m not usually the type to get rattled so easily.”

"It sucks, I know, but don't let it ruin your night, those wankers don't deserve it," Lydia murmured, lathering her hands with shampoo and running her fingers through Win’s hair, carefully untangling it and letting her hands slide down do massage her shoulders. "We're safe, we did amazing, and I love you."

“Aw babe, I love you too,” Win murmured, letting Lydia’s soft massage ease her further. “It felt like the first time we played together, didn’t it,” she mused, catching Lyddie’s eye as she twisted to look at her over her shoulder.

"Yeah, if I knew then that you'd be my girlfriend I wouldn't have wasted my time being so nervous and awkward... you made me forget how to breathe," Lyddie laughed before kissing her lips softly. "Playing with you is the best."

“I’m unbelievably lucky,” Win agreed, kissing her back before having her spin so she could help wash Lyddie’s long hair.

“What’s takin’ so long?” Win’s Nathan called through the door. “You two aren’t gettin’ it on without us are yeh?”

"Yes, I'm finger banging Winnie as we speak!" Lydia shouted back and winked at her. "I'm the lucky one, baby."

"Hey! If you two don't come out soon, we're gonna eat all the leftovers!" Lyddie's Nathan threatened.

“You just want us t’stop shaggin’ cuz you want a turn!” Win called with a laugh, remembering all too well how badly Lyddie’s Nathan wanted a second round. “I am hungry though,” she admitted as her stomach rumbled.

"Yeah, me too..." Lydia turned off the water. "I don't doubt they’d eat it all out of spite,” she laughed, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around herself before grabbing one for Win. "So, um, did your Nathan ever mention finding something out about me? Like bragging or...?"

Win tilted her head. Shit shit shit, she thought, her mind racing. He had found out about the one thing... while they were in New York, but should she tell her that?

“Uhm, no, what d’you mean?” she asked anxiously. She wished Lyddie’s Nathan were there so she could ask what he thought she should say.

"It's just today he did something... but I never told him I like it, so my Nathan thinks he just picked up on 'signs' but I don't think I have any," Lydia mused, slightly terrified that she actually had several tells that everyone could see except for her.

Win glanced away. She’d picked up on some signs too, outside of what she’d managed to weasel out of Lyddie’s Nathan, but she wasn’t sure if now was exactly the time to tell Lyddie that. “I’m sure that’s all it is. I mean, I know Nate’s not always the brightest, but he likes you a lot, so of course he’s gunna pay attention to things you seem to like.”

"Oh... okay." Lydia looked down, feeling slightly self-conscious. If he picked up the signs, that must mean Win did too, which was her worst nightmare. She remembered all too well how Alisha and Kelly had reacted when Nathan decided to run his mouth. "I mean, I'm not complaining, it just freaked me out for a second."

Win frowned, sensing Lyddie's unease. "You okay? You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I'd never judge you, Lyds."

"Yeah yeah, sure, I just... I have a few things... What Natty said that night at the restaurant, about me liking to watch people eat..." Lydia whispered, her cheeks turning red. "It’s true. I know it's kinda weird, but there are worse things."

"I don't think that's weird," Win murmured, noticing how embarrassed just admitting that seemed to be for her, and she knew she needed to tread lightly, already knowing what worse things she meant.

"I think it's kinda hot sometimes when people eat too," she offered. "Besides, I'm not here to yuck on anyone's yums. Kinks are weird sometimes, doesn't make you any less valid," she said with a shrug. "And if your partners are willing t'do those things for you, then it obviously doesn't bother them."

Lydia took a deep breath, and without another word, just held Win against her chest. "You are so sweet, I don't deserve you," she whispered. She was so relieved that her girlfriend didn't mind that.

Okay, that was done, now there was only one thing left to say... it would be so much easier to just say it!

"Hey, I'm turnin' on the oven in five minutes," Lyddie's Nathan warned, interrupting her thoughts.

"We're coming out, you prick," she chuckled.

Win squeezed Lyddie back, glad that she could put her at ease at least a little, just like Lyddie’d done for her, lingering in her embrace for a while. Throwing on a t-shirt and panties, Win opened the door. "I'm so starvingggg," she groaned.

"Me too!" Lydia followed Win with a giggle. She would turn on the oven and do things the traditional way, but she was too hungry for that. "Nats, can you be a dear and heat that up for us? I can't wait fifteen minutes," she whined, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Fine..." her Nathan replied, pretending to be very inconvenienced by her request, but picking up the casserole dish and warming it with his powers.

"Thank you, Natty," Win purred, stretching on her toes to place a kiss to his cheek and ruffling his hair.

"Oh there you are," her Nathan exclaimed, coming out of the other room. "Took y'two long enough," he grumbled and she spared a kiss for him too.

"Sorry, girl talk," Lydia shrugged, cutting what was left of the lasagna in four parts, carefully serving it with some extra parmesan on top.

"That's what they call it these days?" her Nathan taunted before taking the first bite.

"I suppose it is..." Lydia said, joining the others on the couch.

"Wish you were a girl?" Win teased, poking Lyddie's Nathan in the side.

"No, but I wish I could've been included..." he grunted.

"We didn't shag, stop whining," Lydia nudged his arm. "You know I hate shower sex."

"Oh really? What about New York?"

"That was different," Lydia looked between Win and both Nathans.

Win's grin faltered, remembering how she'd bungled that opportunity and quickly looked down at her plate, focusing on her lasagna.

"Oh, how could I forget?" her Nathan exclaimed. "I wish we had a shower that fuckin' fancy."

"Hey, remember what we did on the sink though...?" Lydia whispered, feeling how upset Win got over the comment.

"We were gonna get a bigger flat with a bathroom like that, y'know," Lyddie's Nathan explained. "In West London, but we like this one too much."

"Course I remember," Win whispered back, offering a small smile, trying not to let it bother her before snorting and raising her voice. "Oh yeah, I'm sure that's the reason," she teased.

Lyddie's Nathan stuck his tongue out. The truth was, after they started saving for the New York flat, they didn't have the money to move to West London.

"But when we go back to New York we can get a nice place," Lydia mumbled. "We need to be close to the Brooks Atkinson, so I don't need to take the subway every day."

"I'm excited to go back," Win murmured, trying to imagine what life would be like there, what their flat might look like.

"Me too," her Nathan agreed, slipping his arm around her.

"Yeah, I can't wait. Can you guys imagine how Halloween is gonna be?" Lydia finished the last bit of her dinner and set the plate on the coffee table, getting up to grab some water.

"Good luck thinkin' of a couples costume for a quad," her Nathan teased.

"I'm sure we'll think of something," Win mused, setting her plate aside and laying back, spreading herself over both Nathan's laps, covering the large yawn that cracked her jaw.

"Hey now, none of that!" her Nathan exclaimed, jostling her slightly.

"Yeah, I haven't gotten your knickers soaked yet!" Lyddie's Nathan protested. "No gettin' tired now, Winnie!"

"Oh, come on, let her sleep if she's tired," Lydia came back with a glass of water in hand. "I might go to bed soon too..."

Win groaned softly. She didn't want to be tired. "You can try," she murmured with a smile for Lyddie's Nathan.

"What? Not you too," Win's Nathan whined, looking up at Lydia.

"Challenge accepted..." Lyddie’s Nathan exclaimed, pulling Win into his lap and kissing from her chest, to her neck, to her lips. "Let's wake you up, huh?"

"What? You had other plans?" Lydia gave Win's Nathan her best innocent look.

"Well... yeah," Win's Nathan spluttered, sitting up to reach for her. "Thought we could... y'know!" he exclaimed. "Don't y'remember?" he asked, humping the air.

"Of course I do, I'm just dicking with you," Lydia ran her fingers through his curls. "I also remember that I said you MIGHT get lucky, it wasn't a promise..."

Win responded slowly at first, but each press of Nathan's lips to her skin seemed to light a fire in her, warming her til she kissed him back with a sigh. "Jeeze, you're persistent aren't you?" she murmured.

"I wasn't the one horny as we were about t'leave. Well... I was, but I wasn't the only one!" Lyddie's Nathan pointed out, circling Win's nipples with his thumbs. "I remember you sayin' you'd need somethin' after the show to take th’edge off..."

Win sighed, arching instinctively into his touch. "I dunno, I think that shower took most of the edge off actually. Hence, why I'm sleepy," she teased, her own fingers finding his nipples to tease him back.

Win's Nathan stuck his bottom lip out in an over exaggerated pout, hoping to gain some sympathy as he gazed up at Lydia with his best puppy dog eyes.

"Don't look at me like that..." Lydia tried to look away, but it was too late. "That's not the best way to get me horny, I can tell you that," she said, sitting back down next to him. "But I think you know that by now..."

"Oh, I know," Win's Nathan mused, "but I also know y'can't resist these gorgeous eyes o' mine," he said with a grin, pulling Lydia into his lap, tracing the dark mark at her neck with his finger, letting it run down her shoulder, hooking under her shirt and pulling it down so he could press his lips to her skin.

"Okay then..." Lyddie's Nathan decided to call Win’s bluff. "Good night, Winnie, I love you!" Kissing her forehead, his fingers gently brushed over the marks on her neck.

Win frowned before her lips quirked slightly upward. Fuck, but she loved this man. "Oh, okay, I see how it is," she said, pinching his nipples harder and rolling them between her fingers through his thin t-shirt.

"Ouch!" Lyddie's Nathan gaped, he definitely did not expect that reaction. "If you wanted t'shag me so bad, you could've just asked..." he teased, smirking as he bucked his hips against her.

"You cocky bastard," Lydia's breath hitched slightly, feeling tingly just from the softest kiss, her goosebumps giving away her excitement again. "You think you know me so well, but I wouldn't be too confident if I were you," she teased, brushing her lips along his jaw.

"Oh? Well, why don'tcha fill me in, darlin'?" he asked, his eyes flicking up to hers as he tilted his head, allowing her better access to his jawline as his arms snaked around her waist.

"Well, you already know about the food thing..." Lydia muttered, feeling her face burn with embarrassment even though everyone else seemed okay with it. "And the chugging thing..."

He must've noticed, right?

"But maybe with time you'll find more," she mused.

Win shrieked softly, laughing as she squirmed in Lyddie's Nathan's lap. "I always wanna shag you, you twat," she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his neck as he pulled her closer. "You know exactly what you do t'me. I can never resist you for long," she whispered.

"Oh? I had no idea I caused such a fuss," Lyddie's Nathan gasped with fake surprise. "So you can't resist me, huh?” he murmured, pulling her shirt over her head and kissing his way to her breasts. "That's good t'know, Winnie..."

Win sighed, her fingers running through Nathan's curls as he bent to kiss her. "I shouldn't give you a bigger ego than you already have..." she murmured, her breath catching.

"Big ego? Me? Nah," Lyddie's Nathan scoffed. "It's not my fault I have two sexy birds who can't resist my charms..." his hand reached between Win's legs, under her knickers. "Seems like it's workin', I have you soaked."

"So, you do," Win admitted, "not that it's hard," she laughed. "Natty," she said softly after a moment, pressing her forehead to his. "I want you to make love to me. Not fucking, not shaggin', but... y'know?"

Win's Nathan smiled softly. "I'd like to find out more," he whispered, "I wanna know everythin' there is t'know about you," he insisted, his hands slipping up under Lydia’s shirt.

"That's actually sweet..." Lydia stopped moving for a moment, thinking about the possibility of telling him, he would have the same reaction as her own Nathan, but... the issue was, telling him meant telling Win as well. "...But some things are better kept secret, right?"

Win's Nathan frowned for a moment, his thumbs moving in slow circles against Lyddie's skin. "Alright then, keep your secrets," he said, pressing his lips to hers. "You can tell me whenever you're ready.”

His frown made her want to tell him everything, he was so sweet asking her... "If I really have as many tells as Nathan says I do, you might already know, and it's a little scary to me," she admitted, hiding against his chest.

"Wait what?" Lyddie's Nathan was taken by surprise, that was certainly new, no one had ever asked him to do that before. "I mean, sure... I can do that," he wasn't sure how, but he was willing to find out.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve asked,” Win murmured, playing it off with a small laugh.

"No! I'm fine with it, we can do it! I just have never done it before... but I want to," he took her hands. "Come on, y'can show me."

“I don’t ever want y’to feel... scared,” Win’s Nathan said softly, rubbing Lydia’s back soothingly. “I love you...”

"I love you too," Lydia murmured, holding him tighter. "I'm not scared of you... not exactly..." she mumbled, feeling slightly guilty for killing the mood with her insecurities. Win’s Nathan felt Lydia’s grasp on him tighten and he stroked her hair, past caring if got any or not, more worried about making sure Lydia was alright.

Win nodded, she glanced over to Lyddie and her Nathan who seemed to be having a moment of their own. “Shall we...?” she asked, nodding toward the bedroom. It might be best for them to give the other couple some space.

"Yeah yeah, sure," Lyddie's Nathan murmured; looking over at them he immediately understood, following Win to their room.

"So, should I get naked, or...?" he cleared his throat, unsure of what the next step might be.

Win bit her lip as she sat on the edge of the bed, taking Lyddie’s Nathan’s hand and drawing him closer. “Here, let me,” she murmured, lifting his shirt, her palms skimming over his warm skin before going to the waist of his jeans, looking up at him as she unbuttoned them, easing them down his hips to fall to the floor with his shirt. Closing her eyes she pressed her lips to his navel as she eased his boxers down, her hand gliding over his length, stroking him lightly before she lifted her chin and opened her eyes, finding him watching her open mouthed.

"So far... I like it," Lyddie's Nathan nodded, agape. He brought Win up and kissed her gently, sliding down her knickers. "I love you," he breathed softly against her lips pulling her close, his hands roaming her body with no rush, just wanting to feel every last bit of her. "Am I doin' it right?"

Win grinned against his lips, her hands coming up to hold his face. “Yes, you’re doin’ it right. I mean, it’s basically just shagging, but softer? Taking your time t’savour the other person and carin’ as much about their pleasure as your own,” she explained.

"Oh, I get it..." Lyddie's Nathan nodded, lowering Win to the bed. "Sounds like a good time," he joked, kissing her neck over every single hickey he left earlier, idly wondering why Lyds never asked him to make love to her. "Y'look so beautiful," he murmured, pulling back to admire her.

Win stretched out under him, her arms thrown over her head. “So are you,” she murmured, watching him with a soft smile on her face. “I love you so much,” she said, reaching for him, pulling him down atop her. “I wanna make you feel good, Nathan.”

Lyddie's Nathan resisted the urge to move things faster, to tease Win until she begged, he wanted to feel her, to appreciate that moment. "I wanna make you feel good too," his hand slowly slid between them, finding her clit and circling it slowly while his lips found hers. "How's that? Do you like that, baby?"

“Uh huh,” Win moaned, reaching between them to stroke his cock as she pulled him closer with her other hand, kissing him tenderly.

Lyddie's Nathan squirmed, moaning softly into Win's kiss, rolling his hips to meet her hand without realizing. "I need you," he purred. "I need you so bad, Winnie."

“I need you too, Natty,” Win breathed, guiding his cock to her entrance as she held his gaze. “I love you so much.”

"I love you too, baby," Lyddie's Nathan gasped silently as he pushed himself into her, being mindful of every move, holding Win as close as humanly possible. "You feel so good."

“Oh,” Win moaned as he filled her slowly, different from his usual rough thrusts. “Oh, you feel so good, too,” she breathed, pressing her forehead to his as he moved in her and she held him close, wanting to feel every inch of him pressed to her, closer than ever before as they moved together.

Lyddie's Nathan had never felt so connected to Win and suddenly he remembered what she said about wanting to spend the rest of her life with them, and he knew in that moment, he had to find a way to propose to her.

"My Winnie," he whispered with a grin before kissing her again.

Win felt tears prick her eyes as he whispered her name like that, overwhelmed with emotion and she buried her face against his shoulder so he wouldn’t see. “Nathan, I’m close!” she cried, wanting desperately to come together.

"Me too, baby, come for me," Lyddie's Nathan groaned, moving slightly faster, firmly holding Win against him, one hand on her neck, the other on her thigh as her leg hooked around his waist.

Her climax crashed over her like a wave and she cried out, tensing under Lyddie’s Nathan, her arms tightening around him. “Oh Nathan! I’m yours, I’m yours!” she cried, feeling him filling her, giving several more shuddering thrusts before he stilled, not moving yet, not pulling out of her, just breathing together.

"Jesus, that was... different," Lyddie's Nathan spluttered, trying to catch his breath. "It was so good though. God, I love you so much," he panted, trying not to show how vulnerable he felt at that moment. "Hey,” he murmured, guiding Win’s eyes to his. “Remember those things you said when we were high in the City? D'you mean it?"

Win blinked at his question, trying to remember exactly what she’d said.

I wanna be with you and Lyddie forever.

“Yeah... yeah, I meant it,” she said softly as the memory hit her. “I can’t imagine my life without you, without all of you,” she whispered.

"Good, I feel the same way..." Lyddie's Nathan slowly pulled out and fell on his back, pulling Win to rest her head on his chest. "Should we be worried at how quiet the others are outside? Lyddie’s usually quite loud when she... d’you think she's okay?" he asked.

Win listened, she didn’t hear anything either, but she wasn’t as worried. “I think they’re alright. Maybe Nathan wanted t’be gentle too,” she mused, snuggling closer.

"Gentle with Lyddie? Good luck with that," he laughed and kissed the top of Win's head. "I'm so happy everythin' seems t'be fallin' into place, it's hard t'imagine a year ago that I was homeless and miserable."

Win lifted her face to watch Lyddie’s Nathan’s expression as she idly traced patterns against his chest. “You deserve t’be happy,” she said, remembering her own time with Nathan at the Community Centre, at how happy he seemed when he suddenly felt needed, important.

"I think we all do after all the shit we've been through," Lyddie's Nathan sighed; he was so tempted to make a ring appear out of thin air and propose right then and there, but he didn't think it would be fair to her Nathan.

Win sighed, completely content, suddenly feeling the exhaustion that she had kept at bay earlier crash over her and her eyes grew heavy. She tried to say something to Lyddie’s Nathan but the words came out more of an incomprehensible mumble.

Lyddie's Nathan watched as Win fell asleep in his arms, so peaceful. Pulling the covers from the edge of the bed, he let that relaxation take over him as well.

——

"I'm making a big deal out of it, it's stupid," Lydia shook her head, trying to take Win's Nathan's shirt off. "Don't worry, just shag me, be rough with me..." she said, trying to push those thoughts aside.

“Hey, hey, it’s not stupid,” Win’s Nathan insisted, gently fighting off her attempt at undressing him, grasping her wrists til she calmed. “What if I don’t wanna be rough with you?” he asked, concern twisting his features.

"But... I like it when you are," Lydia said. She felt slightly worried. In her mind, when someone didn't have a burning desire that made them wanna jump her bones, it's because they didn't find her attractive. "Did I do something wrong?" she asked quietly.

“What? No!” Win’s Nathan exclaimed. “I-I, that’s not—“ he groaned.

“I like bein’ rough with you Lyddie, I like shaggin’ your brains out, but... but right now it feels like you’re usin’ that as a way of distractin’ yourself or somethin’ and I don’t wanna do that if you’re upset.” Any other time and he wouldn’t have argued, jumping at the opportunity, but this was different, he actually cared about how Lyddie felt. She wasn’t just some one time shag.

"Alright," Lydia agreed. "If I told you something, would you be able to keep it a secret? I'm not ready to tell Win yet. I will, but I'm just a little scared of her reaction, you know? So, can we keep it between us for now? It's totally fine if you can't... I shouldn't be asking you this..." Lydia babbled, shaking her head — his loyalty to Win was probably bigger than all of this, and she couldn't blame him for that.

Win’s Nathan bit his lip, considering. He didn’t like keeping things from Win, but if Lyddie had a good reason, then he would. “I won’t tell her if y’don’t want me to,” he assured her. “I think you should trust her with whatever it is though. She loves you so much, you know that right ? She’d never judge you for anythin’,” he pointed out.

"So everyone keeps telling me. I love her way too much, I don't want her to look at me differently, I just need to find the right way to say it..." Lydia bit her nails nervously. "The thing is... well, you see... I have this thing..." Before she completely lost the nerve, she quickly whispered it in his ear, expecting him to laugh, which would be completely understandable, she had learned to laugh at it ages ago.

Nathan listened to Lyddie’s secret, holding his breath, waiting for some terrible thing, but... he already knew it. So did Win.

Should he tell her that Win already knew and didn’t care or should she give Lyddie the opportunity to tell Win herself. Though, maybe if he told her... she could feel less worried about the whole thing, but if he revealed that... then he’d reveal that he already knew as well and he wasn’t sure how she’d feel about that.

“Oh really?” he said, grinning at her. “If that’s th’case then I’m the most powerful man in th’universe.”

Lydia laughed, feeling slightly better about it, a warm affection growing inside of her mixed with desire. "Yeah, yeah you are, you mannerless bastard," she giggled, leaning in to kiss him, burying her fingers in his messy curls. "I love you, Nathan."

“I love yeh too, Lydia,” Win’s Nathan replied, squeezing her tightly as he kissed her. “D’you feel a little better now?”

"Yeah, I love you too," she sighed with a huge smile. "I feel much better, you should be flattered, I’ve never told anyone before," she joked, tilting her head to kiss his neck.

“I’m glad yeh trust me so much,” Nathan breathed, affection filling his chest and he moaned softly as she kissed his neck. “Y’know, you can trust me when I say that you shouldn’t worry bout what Win thinks,” he said, pulling Lydia closer, as he rolled his hips to meet her.

"I know, I'm gonna tell her, I just need to find the courage to do it..." Lydia's sentence was interrupted by a quiet whimper as Win's Nathan teased her. "Oh, okay," she snaked her hands under his shirt. "By the way, try not to use this against me too often..." she joked.

“I won’t, with great power comes great responsibility, after all,” Nathan joked, a grin tugging at his lips. “Cross my heart and hope t’die,” he added, capturing Lydia’s mouth in a passionate kiss.

"Hope to die, do you? I don't know why I don't believe you..." she mocked, kissing him back, this time successfully pulling his shirt over his head. " You bloody tease," she huffed a soft laugh before kissing his heaving chest.

“I would die for you!” Win’s Nathan panted, freeing Lydia from her shirt as well, urging her to keep grinding against him. “Just because I’ll come back t’life again afterwards doesn’t make it mean any less!” he laughed between kisses.

"I'm honored, Natty," Lydia laughed, quickly unzipping his jeans and palming his cock, stroking it rhythmically, as she hungrily sought his lips. "You don't have to be rough with me tonight, I just wanna feel you," she begged, her arousal pooling between her legs.

“Oh, Lyddie,” Win’s Nathan groaned, bucking against her hand. “I didn’t mean that I didn’t want yeh. I want yeh so bad! I just didn’t want... I didn’t want yeh to feel like you needed to be used to feel like I wanted yeh.”

"That's the only way I ever known," she shrugged, pulling her knickers to the side and sitting back on Win's Nathan's lap, sliding his length inside of her. "But I like it this way too," she moaned quietly. "I never thought I'd see you being so... sentimental."

“I hope that’s not a turn off,” Win’s Nathan chuckled nervously, his eyelids fluttering as she began to ride him, rolling her hips to draw him deeper.

"Usually I'm not a fan of sentimental, or polite, or gentle... but I love you no matter what, so I'm very much turned on right now," Lydia held onto Win's Nathan's shoulders moving in sync with their breathing.

“O-oh,” Win’s Nathan gasped. “Well that’s good t’know,” he mumbled, thrusting up into her harder. If she didn’t like it gentle, then he wouldn’t be gentle. Sometimes he forgot how different Win and Lydia were.

"Yes!" Lydia threw her head back moving faster in response. "I love you, Natty, I want you with me forever," she mumbled without thinking about the words she said, she just felt them as they dripped out of her mouth. "I can't live without you."

“Fuck, Lyddie, I love you too!” Win’s Nathan gasped, his hands on her hips urging her to move faster as she bounced on him. “I can’t live without yeh either!” he exclaimed, crushing her against his chest as he exploded inside her, trying to ignore the thoughts that had suddenly taken hold and the crushing doubt that came with them.

Why would Lyddie say yes to him if Win already hadn’t, besides, she was already engaged to his clone…

"Oh, Nathan, Nathan, please..." Lydia cried. "I'm gonna—" she had to hide against Win's Nathan's shoulder not to scream as she came, feeling her whole body contract and relax, pleasure rushing through her. "Oh my God, you're perfect," she shuddered, her body giving out completely. "Is everything okay, baby?"

Win’s Nathan, wrapped his arms around Lydia, resting his cheek against her hair. The last thing he wanted to do was worry her, especially after everything she’d confessed to him earlier. “Everythin’s perfect, princess. You’re perfect.”

"Okay," Lyddie yawned, putting her shirt back on. "Two shags and show, I'm exhausted," she said, stumbling her way to the room, stopping midway to look over her shoulder with a sleepy smile. "Are you coming, Nate?"

“Yeah, I’ll be right there, babe,” he said, sitting up. Shooting a smile at Lyddie before she rounded the corner he rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his face to his hands.

What did it matter if Lyddie was marrying the other him? And Win still loved him, it wasn’t like she didn’t just because she’d turned him down the first time. So why did he suddenly feel so empty?

Not wanting Lyddie to worry he swallowed those thoughts and followed her to the bedroom, finding her already in bed and Win asleep in his clone’s arms.

Tag list: @magic-multicolored-miracle @santacarlahorrorshow @messengeronthemoon @the-freckled-luba @firstpersonnarrator @spanishmossmagnolia @salvador-daley @forenschik @a-ghoulish-tale @love-is-dirty-baby @vonkimmeren @violetrainbow412-blog

#misfits #nathan young #nathan young smut #nathan young x oc #nathan x win #nathan x lyddie #otp: green apple lollipop #timeline anomaly’verse #collaboration #misfits fic #robert sheehan character fic

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backtothestart02 · 3 years

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Just Best Friends - 4/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: These chaps keep getting longer and longer! (even though technically this one’s a little shorter than ch3, lol. still! It’s exciting. And next chap will be even longer.) Enjoy! This one’s a bit angsty!

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Chapter 4 -

Iris clutched at her steering wheel, flexing her fingers after she’d parked in front of Eddie’s place. She tried to get her breathing under control. Eddie had told her to leave – to get out – because he couldn’t stand the sight of her anymore. Harsh, to be sure, but maybe valid given what she’d just done. The bowling alley incident really couldn’t have been that bad, but what she’d just done definitely was. Could she really pretend it hadn’t happened?

She looked across the courtyard at the looming, brown building, and thought about Eddie. Sweet, handsome, brave Eddie. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to feel so insecure, and he definitely deserve to be cheated on. She swallowed hard and felt her hands start to slide on the steering wheel. She was sweating.

She quick dried her hands off on her jacket and pulled her keys out of the ignition. Tucking them into her purse, she got out of the car, locked it, and shut the door. Then, gathering all the courage she could muster, she headed toward the building.

There was no way she could go back to her dad’s, not with Barry there, and staying in a hotel…she wasn’t sure she had enough money set aside for that. Hotels in Central City were expensive, even for just one night. Part of her wished she’d brought back Barry’s shirt to sleep in, since she’d obviously be sleeping on the couch tonight, and that would’ve been more comfortable. But she knew that would be suspect when Eddie inevitably saw it the morning, so really this was the best call.

She trudged onward and easily got inside the outside door of the building. Security wasn’t the greatest there, and tonight it worked in her favor. Licking her lips, she turned the knob and pushed open the door to Eddie’s apartment on the second floor. Belatedly she remembered that she’d left her key inside and so had no way to lock it from the outside. Again, it had worked in her favor. This was a safe neighborhood, generally speaking, so she didn’t have to worry about someone breaking in.

Also, she’d been in an emotional state when she left. Much different than how she was now. Now she was riddled with guilt and hoping she didn’t run into Eddie until she had figured out a way to mask that and respond appropriately to a fight with her boyfriend, not having been caught cheating. Because she hadn’t been caught. Thank God. She could only imagine if her dad had walked in while she’d been topless, and Barry too, while they were making out. He’d never taken to Eddie really, but even he could recognize when something was wrong.

He’d be disappointed in her, and that made her feel even worse.

The apartment was quiet when she walked in, and she noticed the bedroom door was still closed. That meant one thing. Eddie had likely passed out on the bed and wouldn’t be waking up till morning. He was dead to the world.

She snatched her key up from where she’d left it and put it back in her purse. Then she quietly walked across the room and slid out of her jacket and shoes, leaving them and the purse on the arm of the couch. Then she sighed, leaned back and laid down, tucking her feet into the cushions and grateful for the knitted blanket Eddie’s grandma had made him that he’d left planted and mostly unused on the couch. It would keep her somewhat warm through the night.

At six a.m., she woke up. The apartment was still deathly quiet, but she thought she could hear a soft snoring from the bedroom. As daring as she’d ever been, she tiptoed over to the bedroom door and opened it. It didn’t creak – thank God. And just like she’d suspected, Eddie was facedown on his pillow, his feet hanging off the end of the bed, still in his police uniform, sans jacket. That was tossed haphazardly on the floor.

Not wanting to wake him, she continued to tiptoe to her side of the closet and picked out her outfit for the day. Then she walked back out of the bedroom, closed the door as slowly and quietly as she could manage and headed for the bathroom to take a shower.

She didn’t know if Eddie was awake or not, if the sound of the water running had woken him, but the bedroom door was still closed when she exited the bathroom. Grateful for the makeup bag she had in her purse, she quickly applied her make-up, minus the lipstick, and then poured herself some cereal while she waited. When she was finished eating, she brushed her teeth and then made the finishing touches to her appearance. Eddie still hadn’t come out.

As a quasi-peace offering, she made the hangover concoction she’d learned about in college. It tasted nasty as hell, but it worked wonders the night after a drunken binge. And that was definitely what had happened with Eddie, she decided.

She was still trying to figure out how to respond to whatever he had to say this morning when the bedroom door swung open, creaking actually, which surprised her, and there stood Eddie. A couple of his buttons were undone, and his hair was going in all different directions. Normally that look turned her on or made her soft, one of the two, but right now she was just tense. He was so angry last night. She didn’t know what to expect.

“Good morning,” she said, doing the best she could not to have a clipped tone.

He shuffled over to her, and she slid the drink slowly over to him. He took one look and wrinkled his nose but seemed to understand that he’d need it if he was going to be able to function at work today. He took a sip and then paused, inevitably deciding he needed to take it in stages.

“You look nice,” he said, which got a long, suspicious pause from her.

“Thank you,” she said finally.

“How come you didn’t come to bed last night?”

That really made her pause. Her mouth fell open, but somehow she regained her composure.

“You…you don’t remember?”

His brows furrowed.

“No.”

A panic crossed his face, and she knew it definitely made him nervous that he couldn’t remember. He really wasn’t prone to getting drunk, or he’d have recognized the signs.

“We had a fight, Eddie,” she said gently. “You…you kicked me out.”

“I-” His eyes bulged. “Wait…then how are you here? Did you…not listen?”

He was genuinely confused, but the words made her bristle.

“No, I did. I went to my dad’s. But uh…I figured you wouldn’t like me spending the night there, given who else lives there and what we’d been fighting about.”

It took him a minute, but then it dawned on him.

“We fought about Barry.”

She nodded, not looking at him.

“Did anything else happen?”

“I made you dinner… Lasagna.”

“Oh! Lasagna!” He perked up. “Did I like it?” He asked hesitantly.

She shook her head.

His brows furrowed in confusion again.

“It was cold by the time you got home,” she said on a sigh. “The candles were almost out…and you didn’t notice my sexy dress I bought on the way home…and the heels.”

As if he realized the massive failure he’d become the night before, he came around the counter and took her hands in his own.

“Iris, I am so sorry. I had no right to act that way, and I shouldn’t have gone out and gotten drunk. That’s so…so unlike me.”

She nodded. “It is.”

“Please forgive me.”

Flashes of Barry devouring her skin raced before her eyes. She looked up at Eddie, looking so sincere, so apologetic.

“Of course I forgive you.”

She cupped one cheek with her hand, brushing her thumb along the side of his face before dropping it again.

“But maybe we can talk more about…the reason for the fight later? I do want to work through it. When you’re sober though, and not hung over.”

He nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

She reached up and placed a kiss where her hand had been before moving past him and grabbing her purse before heading to the door. She stopped when her hand was on the handle and turned to look at him.

“I love you, Eddie.”

He attempted a smile.

“I love you, too.”

Her smile was tremulous as she turned back around, opened the door and headed out.

Now alone, Eddie ran his hands through his hair before hiding his face behind both palms.

“I’m such an ass,” was muffled.

Then he downed the rest of the drink and got ready for work. He’d be a little late probably, but it’d be worth it if he was put together. Thanks to Iris.

…

In his defense, he hadn’t gotten himself off to images of Iris for the past several weeks – since he’d been dating Linda. But, also in his defense, he hadn’t had material like he now had with which to get off to. Not that he needed erotic material to get off to Iris. He’d been getting off to her since his teen years, ever since puberty hit. And that was just by being herself, his gorgeous best friend.

But now…well, he’d seen her practically naked. He’d inhaled her breasts and devoured her mouth. He’d groped her body and had her flush against his. Was it really so wrong that he’d caved and worked himself into an aroused frenzy in his bed, cumming to her whispered name as his brow sweat and his body shivered?

After all, he and Linda were on a break.

Damn.

He zoomed to the bathroom immediately after and took a cold shower. Then he got ready for the day. His biggest priority was getting out of the house before Joe sat him down to question him over breakfast. He knew it was coming, and he hadn’t figured out yet how to explain any more penetrating questions. Especially since he remembered belatedly what the state of the kitchen had been just before he and Iris…

Well, just before they…

His face got hot, and he hastily dressed. He couldn’t bring himself to look in the mirror until he absolutely had to for parting his hair. He had to make sure his hair was just right. What if Iris stopped by the station to see her dad on her lunch break?

What if she came to see Eddie?

He swallowed and looked away, heading back to his room to get his briefcase.

Iris was going to break up with Eddie, right? She had to. He was going to break up with Linda. After last night, how couldn’t he? He’d agreed to the no-sex-with-Iris clause when Linda had put them on a break. He didn’t want that holding them back anymore.

I mean, if Iris wanted to take things slow after how fast things had escalated last night, he would respect that.

But if she didn’t… He smirked slyly.

And besides, as soon as Eddie knew Iris had cheated on him, there was no way he’d want to stay dating her. He wouldn’t be able to trust her, even if she swore she’d never do it again. Especially since he’d been suspicious right from the start.

Barry worried suddenly if he might get punched as a result.

It would be worth it if it meant he’d end up dating Iris. There was no way she could deny the spark between them any longer anyway. And Barry wasn’t going to just settle for fleeting ‘moments’ where he wondered if she felt the same now. Not after last night. Last night had been insane, in the best way.

The only thing standing between them now was Eddie and Linda. He’d clear up his end of things today, as soon as possible, maybe on his lunch break, maybe sooner. He’d just have to trust that Iris would clear up her end too.

He grabbed a bagel from the kitchen and sped out of the house before Joe could do anything but feel the wind whipping around him as he stood on his way down the staircase. Barry couldn’t be caught by him. He wasn’t ready. He’d think of something later. And hey, if Iris broke up with Eddie today – or vice versa – Barry could just explain away that they’d had another moment and had decided to be together now – him and Iris. Then he wouldn’t have to get into details. It was the perfect disguise.

Seconds later, he stepped out of the elevator at CCPD. Smiling like the fool he was, he started making his way towards the stairs and his lab, hoping he’d be able to focus on something other than his soon to be cleared up relationship drama while he worked.

It was all according to plan until none other but Eddie intercepted him halfway to the stairs. Barry came to a halt and frowned immediately.

“Eddie.”

He forced his face to clear.

“Is something, um… What’s up?” He crossed his arms.

“I just wanted to thank you.”

Barry was taken aback. His eyebrows rose.

Thank him? For what? Making Iris see the light perhaps? This was so far from a punch he could hardly believe it.

“Uh…for what?”

“For taking Iris in last night, even if it was just for a few hours.” He paused. “I’m sure she told you about our fight.”

“Mm. Mhmm.”

Barry nodded, avoiding his gaze.

“I wasn’t myself last night, and I’m ashamed. I’ve already told her as much, and she’s graciously forgiven me. It’ll probably take some time to get back to where we were, but I guess…I shouldn’t have doubted where her loyalties lay, no matter where my head was at.” He gripped Barry’s shoulder, and Barry looked down at it. “I know I can always depend on you when it comes to Iris.”

“Of course,” Barry heard himself say, then forced some easiness into his voice. “I mean, of course you can! She’s Iris. We’re just best friends, Eddie.”

Eddie nodded.

“I know that now. I hope there are no…bad feelings between us?”

“What?” His voice went high-pitched. “No, no, of course not. We’re good. Just…no kicking Iris out again, yeah?”

Eddie chuckled. “Don’t worry. I won’t be doing that ever again.”

“Great,” Barry said through his teeth. “Well, I should…” He gestured to the stairs.

“Right. Right, of course. Go ahead. I’ll see you later.”

“Right. See you later.”

Barry nearly tripped over his own feet making the first step towards the stairs. Eddie waved awkwardly, and Barry finally turned around and walked to the stairs. His heart was pounding the whole time, and not like it had been last night. This was not at all going according to plan, or how he thought it would go.

Iris hadn’t told Eddie what had happened between them. He knew it wasn’t his place to tell, that Iris would be furious if he did, and honestly, he didn’t want to have that conversation. Still, this complicated things.

Maybe Iris would tell him later, on her lunch break. That would work out. They would both break up with their respective partners at the same time. Then by the end of the day, they would talk about where they stood and hopefully schedule a first date!

That was definitely how it would go.

He hoped.

…

The morning had been awkward, to say the least. Linda hadn’t approached her at all. Not that Iris expected her to. Their last conversation hadn’t exactly been pleasant, and they did work on opposite ends of the main room at CCPN. Still, given what Barry had said, that they’d been on a break, she wondered if Linda wasn’t a fan of her at all now. Not that they’d really been friends friends before. They’d just known each other through Barry. Linda had been his girlfriend, and now she wasn’t. Not really at least. They were on a break.

Iris wondered if that was her fault. She had, after all, instigated all the affectionate touching with Barry at the bowling alley. He’d eagerly participated, and that was probably what drove Linda to instigate a break, but she couldn’t help feeling guilty.

And then of course there was last night…

She nibbled on her bottom lip, as she stared at the blank page before her. Mason had been giving her looks every so often, indicating that he too had seen the blank page. She tried to ignore them, tried to stop looking across the room to see if Linda was looking at her too. She never was. Linda remained diligently with her eyes on her own computer, and occasionally she appeared to be engaging in small talk with her co-workers around her.

It was as if she was completely oblivious to Iris’ existence. She didn’t know if she was relieved or worried by that possible fact.

“Something on your mind?” Mason asked, one paragraph and three hours later.

Iris closed the document on her computer and gave him a serene smile, while gathering up her purse.

“Nope. Just glad it’s lunchtime.”

She stood to her feet.

“Because you’ve done so much work today,” he said dryly.

She continued to smile, pretending to be unaffected by his remark. For the most part, she was.

“I’ll be back in an hour.”

He might’ve said something else after that, but Iris tuned it out as she strutted toward the exit, not even glancing back to see if Linda had caught her leaving. Maybe she just had to work on putting whatever association she had with her behind her. What really mattered was making things right with Eddie and making sure Barry never said a peep about last night.

She thought about what she was willing to risk to make both those things happen and started to worry. Still, she knew Eddie and her relationship with him needed to take priority if things were going to go smoothly going forward. If that meant less time with Barry, so be it.

Her heart ached remembering the time last fall when Barry had put distance between them and how relieved she’d been when they made up. She’d lost Barry for nine months in a coma. Was she really willing to put their friendship on hold indefinitely in order to keep Eddie?

Her heart pounded inside her chest and sweat formed on her forehead. She wiped it away hastily and walked out the door, hurrying as fast as she could to CCPD. The weather was nice, but she could hardly enjoy it. Everything was uncertain right now.

Stepping outside the elevator, Iris made her way to the desks just inside the police station. She smiled and waved pleasantly to her dad, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Barry who stood right beside him. She hoped he wouldn’t come over to her and ask to talk. She was here for one person, and that person was who she hoped would still be her boyfriend by the end of the day. Barry didn’t intercept her on the way to Eddie’s desk and neither did her dad. She was grateful.

“Hey,” she said warmly, hoping to get her boyfriend’s attention.

He was on the phone and didn’t look in her direction. He held up a finger for her to wait, and as jittery as she was, she found it in her to do so. As soon as he hung up, he turned to look at her and smiled.

“Iris, hey.”

He stood up and surprised her with a kiss on the lips.

“Oh, hey,” she said. “Good to see you too.”

He continued to smile.

“I hope you’re here to have lunch with me,” he said, tugging at her dress to urge her closer.

Reluctantly, she went.

What had gotten into him? She wondered. Did he think that just because they’d exchanged I love you’s on her way out the door that morning that everything was okay? Because for her it wasn’t. It definitely wasn’t.

“I am,” she allowed, then lowered her voice. “But I’d also like to talk about last night. You know, like I said this morning?”

“Right now?” he asked, pulling her onto his lap. She braced her hand on his shoulder. “I was hoping we could wait till later.” He pressed a kiss to her shoulder and then inched his thumb just under the hem of her skirt. “Much later.”

She huffed and pushed herself off his lap. Reluctantly, he let her go.

“Not much later?” he asked, with puppy dog eyes that were not working on her, not at all.

“No.” She propped one hand on her hip. “We had a fight, Eddie. And drunk or not, we need to talk about it. Or there’s no going forward for us.”

He sobered up immediately, then got to his feet and set his hands on her shoulders.

“I want a future for us, Iris. I do. More than anything I’ve wanted maybe in my life.”

“Okay. Then can we talk about it?” She tilted her head. “Please?”

He released her, then sat on his desk.

“Okay. But first there’s something you should know.”

She folded her arms.

“What’s that?”

“I talked to Barry.”

She went cold.

“What?”

“Yeah, I thanked him for what he did for you last night.”

Her heart started to race.

“What did he do for me?” she asked, desperately hoping Barry hadn’t confessed what she was worried he might. Certainly Eddie would be acting much differently if he had. She looked around the room briefly, searching for the man in question, but he was gone. So was her dad. They must’ve gone out to lunch together. She looked back at Eddie.

“You know, taking you in, letting you spend some time at your old home after I…did what I did.”

She relaxed.

“After you kicked me out, you mean,” she said.

“Yeah. I’ll never stop apologizing for that, by the way. I was out of line.”

“Maybe we should talk about what led to you doing that,” she said gently.

“Could you remind me what that was?” he asked, wincing and probably hoping she wouldn’t get too upset by his memory loss.

Iris restrained a sigh.

“You just brought up what happened at the bowling alley, my interactions with Barry and how they affected you. You insisted it meant I had feelings for him. Then you kicked me out.”

“I was wrong,” he said, standing up again.

“You were?” Her brows furrowed.

“Yeah. I know there’s nothing between the two of you but friendship. I mean, nothing happened between the two of you last night, did it?”

She panicked for half a second. Luckily it didn’t show.

“Are you really asking me that?”

“No,” he said instantly. “No, of course not. It was more of a rhetorical question really.” He cleared his throat.

She looked at him suspiciously.

“It’s what I told Barry.”

“What did you tell Barry?” she asked.

“That I understand there’s only friendship between you two. There’s nothing for me to worry about.”

“There isn’t,” she said defensively. “Anything for you to worry about, I mean.”

“Exactly. I know that now. And I trust you completely. Can we please move past this?”

She sighed.

“I mean, I want to…”

“But?”

“Well, I guess, I thought you were going to blame me.”

His eyebrows furrowed.

“You did?”

“Yeah. I was gonna be willing to put my friendship with Barry on hold…indefinitely.”

“Oh, my God, Iris. I would never ask that of you.”

“You’re sure?” She nibbled on her bottom lip.

“Absolutely. I know how much you mean to each other. And if you’re certain there’s nothing going on between the two of you, I believe you from here on out.”

“I wish you’d believed me before.”

“I do now though. I promise.”

She swallowed and nodded.

“It may take me some time, Eddie, to believe that you actually trust me now. Last night was…it was hard for me. You hurt me.”

He blew out a gust of air.

“I know. I’m so sorry for that. It won’t happen again.”

She eyed him cautiously.

“How about…How about we have a romantic night tonight? This time I cook for you. I’ll even make one of those special recipes you like. Grandma Shirley, right?”

She snorted. “Esther actually, but yeah. Sure. I’d like that.”

“Yeah?”

She leaned in for a kiss.

“It’s a start.”

…

Barry trudged into CCPN, hoping beyond all hope not only that Linda hadn’t taken her lunch break elsewhere, but also that Iris wasn’t back yet. He didn’t want her interrupting things, and definitely not distracting him. He’d arrived with purpose, and he was going to deliver on his mission as swiftly as he could with as little hurt inflicted as possible.

He spotted Linda almost immediately, and Iris wasn’t at her desk, so he guessed she was probably still gone too. Linda caught his gaze and then quickly looked away, resuming what looked to be a paper bag lunch. He walked over to her, glad there were no other people surrounding her or the adjacent desks and braced himself for the worst.

“We need to break up.”

Linda paused with her apple halfway to her mouth. She set it down on her desk and swiveled her chair towards him.

“Well, hello to you too, Allen.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, impatient to get this conversation over with.

“Sorry. Hi, Linda. How’s your day?” he asked speedily.

She snorted. “Just fine, and yours?”

“Linda,” he groaned.

“Fine. You want to break up? Officially?”

He nodded.

“Why the change of heart? – If I may ask. Yesterday you seemed pretty resistant to even the idea of a break. I was actually considering changing my mind after thinking about it overnight.”

He winced.

“Does it matter?”

“A little.” Her voice rose slightly.

He swallowed.

“Something may have…happened.”

She rose her brows.

“Between me and Iris.”

She sank back in her chair and drummed her fingers on the arms of her chair.

“Did you sleep with her?” she finally asked.

“No!” he said immediately, before regaining some calm. “I mean, you told me not to.”

She laughed painfully.

“Is that the only reason?”

“No,” he said truthfully.

Iris had put a stop to it. That was the truth. But Linda didn’t need to know that.

“You don’t want to know how far-”

She held up one hand.

“No. Please. Spare me.”

He nodded.

“I’m sorry, Linda. I really did – do – have strong feelings for you.”

She got up to her feet, pushing the irritation aside and focusing instead on how much she cared about him and did want him to be happy.

“Just not as strong as what you feel for someone else.”

She smiled sadly, then leaned up to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.

“Go get her,” she said, softly.

He raised his eyebrows, surprised, but then turned to look when Linda gestured toward the other side of the room, and sure enough Iris was at her desk now.

Barry took a breath and nodded.

“Thank you, Linda. I am sorry things didn’t work out between us.”

She forced a smile.

“I know. Me too.”

He turned fully and headed over to Iris’ desk. He saw one of her co-workers saying something to her and her talking with them briefly and did his best to remain patient until they had finished their conversation. Iris seemed to be oblivious to his presence anyway.

When they were done, he approached her desk and waited exactly three seconds before actively working to get her attention.

“Iris, hey.”

She glanced up at him and appeared slightly unnerved before smiling brilliantly.

“Barry, hi. What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Linda and I broke up.”

Her mouth fell open, but a moment later she shut it and opted for confusion and sadness.

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

His brows furrowed. “You are?”

“Well, yeah.” She leaned back in her chair and crossed one knee over the other. “I mean, I thought you really liked her.”

“I did.” He frowned. “But I broke up with her.”

Surprise flashed across her face. She tried valiantly to shake it off.

“Why would you do that?” she asked, getting up and walking away. He walked with her.

“Well, I…” His frown deepened. “I thought it would be obvious. After last night…”

She froze, then grabbed a hold of his jacket and tugged him down a hall behind the main room and pinned him to the wall.

“Did you tell Linda what happened?”

His eyes widened, horrified at how threatening she was being. In most of his fantasies where she pinned him to a wall, they did not go like this.

“Well, I…I…”

“Did you?!”

“Yes!” he said, frantically. “I mean, partially.”

“Partially? What does that mean?”

“It means…I said something happened between us. She didn’t want to know any details, since I said we didn’t have sex.”

“Which we didn’t.”

“I know! Believe me, I know.”

“Okay…” She took a deep breath and started to pace. “Okay. This is not the end of the world. I will just…have a conversation with her to make sure she doesn’t tell Eddie.”

He frowned.

“You mean…you didn’t tell Eddie?”

She stopped and looked at him as if he’d lost his mind.

“Of course not. He’d break up with me if I did.”

Barry’s mouth fell open.

“But I thought…I mean…”

His heart started to plummet. This was so not going as planned.

Iris softened, realizing for the first time where Barry’s head was probably at.

“Look, Barry…what happened last night was-”

“A mistake,” he concluded, not looking at her.

“Well, yeah.” He bit her lip. “Eddie’s the man I live with. The man I love. You and I are just…”

“Best friends,” he finished.

“I hope we can be.”

His eyes closed. When they opened, they were stone cold. She’d never seen them so cold.

“Of course, Iris. That’s what we’ll always be.”

He turned to leave, and she reached out for him.

“Barry, wai-”

But he didn’t stop, and he pulled free of her. He walked now with purpose towards the exit, his heart smashed to smithereens.

What in the world had made him think things would be different this time?

Oh, yeah. That kiss.

#westallen #westallen fanfiction #backtothestart02 fanfiction #just best friends #chapter 4 #angst

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letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked · 4 years

Text

Words On My Skin Chapter 30

Bucky Barnes X Reader (Soulmate AU)

A/N: I guess it takes a quarantine and deadly virus for me to start writing again, huh? LOL! TAGS WILL BE REBLOGGED ON THIS EVENTUALLY! I have like... a whole year of tag requests to sort through! So... Sorry LOL

Warnings: Be gentle... I’m rusty at writing lol

Main Masterlist // WOMS Masterlist

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/n: I'm on my way back! Happy is driving me! I'll tell you the details when I get home! I got you a surprise! <3

Bucky: I'm in the room, doing paperwork. Steal one of Steve's granola bars for me, please and thank you and I love you.

Y/n: I'm not taking the fall again if he catches me!

Bucky: He's out with that one blonde chick we don't like.

Y/n: Ew. Why???

Bucky: Why do you think?

Y/n: Ew. She looks like she has crotch crickets. Plus she was a bitch to me last time she was here. I tried to be nice. I think she's in it for his fame... and the D.

Bucky: ...that's disgusting.

Y/n: I'm making him an appointment for an STD check.

Bucky: He's going to kill you.

Y/n: He'll thank me when his dick doesn't fall off

Bucky: He's going to make you do more cardio.

Y/n: ...Okay, yeah, I'll just let his dick fall off. LOL fuck cardio

Bucky: You seemed to enjoy last night's cardio. ;)

Y/n: That was more like naked yoga... with a happy ending! Totally different!

Bucky: We can do naked yoga anytime you want.

Y/n: I'll take naked yoga over cardio all day every day

Bucky: All day every day? ;)

Y/n: Shut up, fool. <3

---------------------------------

Placing your phone back into your purse, you stared out the window, watching the busy streets blend into trees and snow. Stupid snow. You were lost in your own head, thinking about the meeting with your parents. Which had gone... surprisingly well.

Your mother was fairly civil to you - as well as the waitstaff - and your father actually had a serious conversation with you.

It was one of the weirdest days of your life... and you lived with a bunch of superheroes.

Seeing your parents like this, after so many years of loathing, arguing, controlling... You weren't sure where your relationship stood.

Though, it was nice to gain at least a little clarification and get everything out in the open.

They'd apologized for the way they treated you in your youth, as well as the way they treated Bucky. You'd apologized for all the shit you'd said to them before you'd moved away, as well as keeping them pushed away in your adult years. The excuses your mother had for acting like a controlling robot were just... sad. She talked about how your grandmother treated her the same - if not worse. She was the way she was because she wanted you to be better than her. No wonder you've never actually met your grandparents in person. Your mother hated her parents. Almost as much as you'd hated yours... until now.

Now... You just had sympathy. Not that it excused any of the behaviors over the years, but you understood now.

It seemed as if she'd convinced herself that the way that she raised you made you the positive person that you were, today. Which was true to some extent. It was recovering from the way you were raised that made you the person you were today. You may have been comfortable with money, but money wasn't everything behind closed doors. Money didn't solve the problems that you'd dealt with in your youth. In fact, it was living the stereotype of a rich family that had caused the majority of your problems. It was the cold, brash emotions modeled by your parents that made you want to be different. The controlled diets, the need to hide emotions and compartmentalize, the forced dating, the fights, the lying, the fake public image... it was dealing with those things after you'd escaped it that made you the person you are today.

Personal growth, and all that jazz.

After the emotional bit of the dinner, you'd actually enjoyed yourself. Your parents asked you about your job, the first day you met Bucky, college, your friends, and everything else they hadn't been a part of for the last decade or so.

They told you about their trip to Paris, where your mother had tripped over a crack in the pavement and they spent half the day in the emergency room so she could get stitches. They told you about how they got their entire office to donate a large sum of money to Bucky's charity that he had been running. They told you about the day that they realized that they needed a change of scenery from California.

It was almost... normal.

If you even knew what normal was.

"Y/n?" You heard Happy's muffled voice, followed by a light tapping on the cool window. He hadn't opened the car door, because your head was leaned against it. "You ready to rock and roll?"

"You're such a dad." You giggled, grabbing your purse and leftovers as he opened the door for you, "Speaking of dads, are you going to become Peter's step-"

"I DON'T-" He paused, taking a breath through his nose and blowing it out of his mouth, "I don't want to talk about that."

"Happy and Mae, sitting in a tree..." You sang, grinning as you skipped past him, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"You're such a child." He rolled his eyes, slamming your door closed and walking to the driver's door.

"You love me, anyways." You pulled open the front door to the compound, leaving Happy to bring the car over to the garage.

You removed your coat the moment you stepped into the heated building, throwing it over your arm and hiding the bag of leftovers and Bucky's surprise. Glancing around, you saw the lobby was nearly empty, save for a few agents using the lobby to cut to the other wing.

Glancing over to the front desk, a grin spread over your face as you took in the sight in front of you.

Caleb was snoring loudly, mouth hanging open, head tipped back, and his feet up on the desk. The book you'd given him for his birthday was open, resting on his stomach like he had fallen asleep reading in his chair.

"FRIDAY, can you please do me a favor and record this please?" You whispered into your watch, sneaking over to the sleeping agent. "Send it to my tablet when it's done."

You were glad you wore flats instead of heels, so your shoes made no noise against the hard floors as you snuck behind the desk. You kept out of swinging distance, grabbing a clipboard off his desk and readying yourself for whatever happened.

"CALEB, WAKE UP!" You screamed loudly, slamming the clipboard repeatedly on the desk. "CALEB, THE SKY IS FALLING!"

He let out a loud shout, limbs flailing around, and chair tipping backwards. "I WASN'T SLEEPING." The obnoxious laugh you let out made his face scrunch up in confusion from the floor, "Y/n?" He glanced around, springing up gracefully and surveying the empty lobby before sending you a glare, "Rude."

You couldn't reply, leaning against the desk and tossing the clipboard in front of him, hysterical laughter echoing through the nearly-empty lobby. "I- You- Oh- Dying." You wheezed, trying to calm your laughter before you peed yourself, wiping the tears from under your eyes, "Oh my god."

"I'm glad my fear brings you such joy, you awful human being." Caleb grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair, "I hate you so much right now."

"I brought you dessert." You replied, finally able to pull your shit together, grabbing a box out of the big bag you were carrying. "It's chocolate and peanut butter cheesecake."

"I hate you less, now. You are forgiven." He lunged forward, a large smile on his face. "Gimme', gimme', gimme'."

You handed him the box, shaking your head and glancing at your watch, "I'm beat. I'm gunna' head up."

"Your soulmate is an asshole, by the way." Caleb informed you, mouth full of cheesecake, "He kept telling me he's going to get Claire an obscene amount of slime for Christmas." He glanced up at you with narrow eyes, "I'll hurt all of you if you get her slime, or anything else with loose glitter. My kitchen table is ruined."

"I cannot confirm nor deny that we got her slime for christmas." You shouted, jogging towards the elevator. "Love youuuuu."

"Fuck youuuuu." He sang back at you, as you disappeared from sight.

"My floor, please, FRIDAY." You requested as the doors to the elevator opened and you got in, "Is Bucky in his room?"

"Yes, Ma'am." FRIDAY replied.

Leaning against the wall, you inhaled deeply through your nose - trying to dispel any weird feelings in your gut. Ever since you'd left dinner with your parents, your shoulders felt lighter... but there was a sense of unease in your belly. You'd never expected in a million years that you'd actually have a relationship with your parents where they communicated with you in a semi-healthy way.

Was this real life?

Honestly, it felt like you were in a simulation or something.

Nothing felt normal anymore.

When the lift doors opened, a wave of delicious smells hit your nose - and you followed the scent to the kitchen, calling out, "Who's cooking delicious-smelling food?"

"That'd be me." Sam called, head in the fridge as he searched for something in the back, "Where the fuck did my strawberries go?"

"That'd be your not-so-little buddy Steve." You chuckled, watching as Sam glared at the fridge before moving back to the stove in a huff. It was actually Bucky, but you weren't about to snitch on your soulmate. "What are you making?"

"God dammit." He grumbled, stirring whatever was in the giant pot, "I'm getting a mini fridge in my room. This 'sharing' business is pissing me off."

"Sam. Food."

He turned to you with a grin, "Momma Wilson's famous lasagna soup."

"They make lasagna in soup form?" You frowned, walking over to the stove to inspect, confirming the fact that he had - indeed - made soup out of lasagna ingredients. It was confirmed by the broken-up lasagna noodles floating up to the surface, and the red sauce littered with spices. God, that smelled good... "Where'd your mom come up with this, and can I have the recipe?"

"Nope. Special made by only me." He shook his head, shooing you away with the spoon. "Go away. You already ate."

There goes getting the granola bar... Sam would totally snitch.

"Save me some for later?" You stuck out your lip in a pout, giving him your best innocent face.

He rolled his eyes, turning away from you and stirring his soup, "We'll see."

You giggled, turning away and walking towards the living quarters with a pep in your step, "I appreciate you."

"Yeah, yeah." You heard him grumble, "Since you do my paperwork..."

"And I do a fabulous job!" You called in sing-song, rounding the corner into the hallway and feeling giddy about bringing Bucky his surprise.

He'd been talking about how he'd been craving French Silk Pie, and you just so happened to spot a few slices left at the restaurant. The manager had recognized you from the photo of you and Bucky at the sushi restaurant and seeing you in that interview, and had offered to slip in a few extra slices of pie for next to nothing... so you'd taken a page from Bucky's book and tipped the staff an obscene amount.

Bucky was going to shit when he saw how many pieces of pie you were coming back with.

"FRIDAY can you unlock the door for me, please?" You called out quietly, listening to the door click as it unlocked. "Thank you." As you pushed open the door, you spotted your handsome soulmate sitting at his desk, sharpening a knife carefully. "You planning on murdering me with that, or what?"

"Ha-Ha. Very funny." He deadpanned, eyes trained on the knife as he examined it, "If I was going to murder you, stabbing you to death would be too messy."

"Comforting." You chuckled, shutting the door behind you and hanging your coat on the back of the door and laying the plastic bag full of food on his bed. You reached behind you to unzip your dress, heading over to his closet to grab a shirt to lounge around in. "I buy you a delicious treat, and you plot my murder."

"If it makes you feel better, I'm also looking at files for the new recruits." He replied, voice sounding really far away. "Jennings looks promising."

You frowned, pulling his shirt over your head. Trying to feel him out through the bond. He seemed... neutral. It was weird. Not upset, but also not happy. Peeking around the corner, trying to be sneaky, you watched him as he read through another recruit file flipping the knife around skillfully. He didn't look tense. He also didn't look like he was concentrating on the file, either.

"Why are you staring at me?" He asked suddenly, not turning around. His hair looked messy, like he'd been running his hand through it.

"Why are you being weird?" You asked, walking over to the bed and grabbing one of the small to-go boxes out of the bag. Setting it on his desk with a plastic fork, you leaned down and wrapped your arms around him from behind - resting your chin on his shoulder. "I got you french silk pie."

He turned his head, pressing a small kiss on your bare arm. "Thanks, sweetheart."

You didn't think you could frown any further, but you were wrong.

He was totally being weird.

"Okay, okay." You moved away from him, sitting on the edge of his bed and grabbing one of the pie slices. "What's wrong with you? What are you hiding from me? You're too... neutral."

"Nothing's wrong with me." He replied, not turning around. "I'm not hiding anything."

Bullshit!

"Lies." You sang out, digging into your piece of pie. "Can't bullshit a bullshitter. Especially when she's connected to you emotionally through a magical soulmate bond." You shoved a bite into your mouth, realizing that you'd grabbed one of the apple pie slices. A pang of annoyance nudged you in the chest, and you rolled your eyes, "You can be annoyed all you want, but that's not telling me what's up with you."

He sighed, leaning his head back for a moment, before spinning around in his chair and giving you a look of annoyance. "If I tell you, will you let up?"

"Maybe." You smirked, taking another bite of pie.

"I..." He looked down, picking at one of the plates in his hand - a nervous tick. "I talked to Tony, today."

Oh.

Oh shit.

You hoped it was a productive conversation. It had to have been, if Bucky wasn't upset. Then again, he was attempting to hide his feelings from you. Maybe it wasn't, and he didn't want to tell you?

You set your dessert down on the bed, leaning forward in interest, "And...?"

"He..." Bucky cleared his throat, not looking at you. "He wants to have us see Dr. Collins." He finally looked up at you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Together."

You smiled, relief washing through you. This was good. If they saw Dr. Collins together, they might get to the root of their issues in a positive way that didn't include destroying the building... one can hope.

So why did Bucky look like someone pissed in his coffee?

"This is good, right?" You asked, confused. "Progress?"

"Yeah." He mumbled, looking back down at the dark, metal plates in his hand. "I guess."

"But...?"

"But-" His leg started bouncing up and down, and you could feel the nervous energy outside of the bond. "I'm a little... afraid about..." He sighed, shaking his head and closing his beautiful blue eyes, "I don't know. Doing all this-" He seemed to be struggling for the right words. "-opening up."

You nodded along as he paused, waiting for him to continue.

"What if... what if he still hates me in the end?" He rushed out, leg still bouncing. "I'm just... I'm so sick of people hating me for something I did when I was... him." He stood up, beginning to pace back and forth, and you had a feeling that he was about to explode. "I'm trying so hard. SO HARD. I..." He stopped, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration. "I just... I hate what he did. I hate this. I don't want to go through all of this just for Tony to still hate me in the end."

He sat back down in his chair, hand running through his growing hair and leaning his elbows on his knees, "I'm just... I don't like this nervous feeling. That's why I was trying to hide my feelings. Because... I don't want to feel them." He looks back up at you, blue eyes full of sadness that hurt your heart. "Sometimes I feel like it's easier being him. He doesn't feel anything, and I barely remember half the shit he did."

"Bucky..." You sighed, standing up and moving to sit on his lap, wrapping your arms around his middle and leaning the side of your head against his shoulder. "It's understandable that you don't want to feel the hard feelings. They suck ass." He snorted at your words, arms wrapping around you, but you kept going, "But you're human. Even if you're a supersoldier with some crazy serum running through your veins, you're human. Feelings make you human. Feelings make you Bucky, instead of him." You looked up at him, as his arms tightened around you. "I'm not going to pretend I'm Dr. Collins and say something irritatingly profound, but... I think you know exactly what Dr. Collins would say."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He sighed, pressing his face into the top of your head - warm breath sending a shiver down your spine. "He's annoying."

"He may be annoying, but he knows what's up." You chuckled, turning your head so you were looking into his icy eyes, "You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah, I know." He smiled, crinkles forming at the corners of his eyes, "I love you, too."

Shifting around, you moved so your arms were wrapped around his shoulders and your face was level with his, "I brought you french silk pie."

"You spoil me." He grinned, arms around your middle, "How'd your dinner with your parents go?"

You grimaced, rolling your eyes, "It was weird. It kind of feels like those two hours were a dream. I don't believe that my parents actually had a real conversation with me." He raised an eyebrow at you and you huffed out a sigh, "Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy. I'm glad that we can finally talk, but... it's just weird. I don't really know how to process it."

"Finally going to be one big, happy family, huh?" He laughed, poking you in the side. "Like The Brady Bunch?"

"First of all, when the hell did you have time to watch The Brady Bunch without me?" You narrowed your eyes at him, raising a brow in question, "Second of all, there's only three of us."

"I didn't watch it," He rolled his eyes, shaking his head at you before standing and setting you on the bed, turning around and grabbing his container of pie, "I read about it."

"STOP DOING THAT!!" You whined in annoyance, throwing a chunk of your apple pie at him. Oh my god, if he kept fucking doing that... "You need to actually watch these things! Stop reading the plot on Wikipedia! It's not the same!"

"I read faster than I watch!" He took a huge bite of his pie, crumbs falling onto the floor. "I can read the plot in a fourth of the time it would take to watch the whole thing." After another obnoxiously large bite of his pie, he set the container back on the desk, moving towards the bed, "If I try and catch up on all the shows and movies I missed over the last century, I'll be biologically ninety before I'm caught up."

As he moved the bag of containers to the floor, you held the slice of apple pie closer to your chest, "I'm not sharing my pie." You took another bite of the sweet pie, the taste of cinnamon on your tongue. He kept moving closer, and you turned your body away from him holding the pie away from him, "NO! You can't have my pie! You have your own!"

"If you don't put it on the nightstand it's going to be in the bed." He warned, an evil look in his eye. "I'm giving you three seconds."

You yelped, attempting to scarf down the obscenely large and sweet piece of pie as fast as you could.

"Three."

You scrambled away from him, but his arm wrapped around your middle as you continued to shovel the food in your face.

"Two."

"NO!!! I'm TRYING!" You giggled, tossing the fork onto the floor, but unable to reach the nightstand with the container full of whipped cream and a large chunk of pie still sticking in the container. You shrieked out a laugh as he tackled you into the bed, the slice of pie completely smearing all over your face and hair. "BUCKY!!"

"One."

--------------

Part 31 ...coming soon to a Tumblr near you.

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littlemessyjessi · 3 years

Text

How They’d Be As Mukbangers: Harry Potter Characters

How They'd Be As YouTube Mukbangers

James: Every video has a theme. Like, I'm not even playing. Holidays? All kinda of holiday themed food. Quidditch World Cup coming up? Things inspired by the country of his favorite team. Just a random day? Everything is blue. He's that type of way.

Sirius: If a mukbanger was a thirst trap. I could easily see him really getting into. Dark background, black gloves, aesthetic as fuck and like, he doesn't even talk. He just sits there, looks hot and somehow makes eating looking incredibly sexy. And he fucking knows it. Bitch also one hundred percent rolls his eyes back when it hits his taste buds. Licks his lips and his fingers. Takes way too big of bites. Most people would say it's cringy how sexual his videos are...but everyone is secret subscribed anyway. With notifications on.

Remus: This goes one of two ways. If he's in a good mood and things are chill, he'll find a recipe, make it to the mother fucking 't' and then have a little mukbang slash review on said recipe. Nice lil chat. Sweet tol bean. Precious. If it's near the full moon there ain't none of that. Ya boy, brings in his monstrous plate of food, sits it down and just tears into like a fucking beast, no talking. Just nom nom nom. Unintentionally thirst traps and people opening talk about when Remus goes beast mode.

Peter: Candy and sweets channel! Small mukbangs with reviews from different candies from Honeydukes!

Lily: Lol, Lilypad. She ain't playing around. Her videos are planned out, edited and just generally finessed to perfection. Even had music added to it with tiny vlog segments as it's set up. It's a little pretentious but she does have a good following.

Marlene: This bitch. Fucking competitive eating queen. Tiny ass lil ho can eat you under the table, bro. Think RainaIsCrazy on YouTube. She can fucking smash. Usually does eating challenges from different resteraunts and competitions. Often, challenges Remus on his wild days. He's a beast but she still wipes the floor with him.

Dorcas: The collab. Dorcas always has good food and good company. She's all about sharing a meal with someone and talking about random things.

Alice and Frank: The couple channel. It's generally filled with so much fucking cute and the food is always tasty. It's sickening they feed each other but you also can't help but awww.

Molly Prewett/Weasley: Family recipes. Molly's channel are tried and true recipes from the Prewett family. Cook with me and tons of kitchen life hacks. Also, that woman can turn a ham sandwhich into a full course meal. Bet. Always taste tested by Daddy Weasley. Yes, I said Daddy Weasley.

Lucius Malfoy: The most pretentious fucking channel to ever exist. It's a whole fucking production that admittedly he does put a lot of work into. Somewhat thirst trappy like Sirius' but instead of just having a plain black background he goes out of his way to shove as much of his manor into. Only eats the most expensive food fucking on the planet and of course, it's prepared by House elves cause he's a twit. (Yes, I know this is Thranduil but honestly wouldn’t put it past Lucius to be this fucking pretentious.)

Severus Snape: Actually pretty solid content. His exquisite skills in potions actually made him a rather good chef. Tasteful shots, edited well with music over everything and subtitles. Simply audio for the eat portion at the end. Nothing too fancy for the background. Often just a very clean kitchen. Solid content though.

The Black Sisters: Mass chaos. Part vlog, part drama channel, half the time the food never even gets finished because of fights.

Bill Weasley: The Traveler. A lot of egyptian food. Some made by hand. Some vlogs from street food while he's out just generally doing his job. Short videos but solid. He's hot and he picks good food. It works for him.

Charlie Weasley: This extra ass bitch. He's the bitch that does all that outdoor cooking. You know what I mean. Shots in the woods, roaring fire. Lit by a precious dragon child no doubt. Dragons lounging in the background like those bitches who always have their dogs there. Yes, I'm jealous. Close up shots of him cutting things on a custom wood cutting board. Everything he makes causes your mouth to water. God damn, scarred, freckle faced bastard just gobbles it up and ends every fucking video with a wink. Charlie Weasley is the ultimate thirst trap and he fucking knows it.

Percy: Percy's channel could be epic but instead is boring as fuck. Why? Because he insist on having the most snooze worthy meals that are 'sensible' and THEN he proceeds to talk about politics. He actually had a pretty decent following of other like minded individuals but my god- politics and porridge, Percy? Really?

However, once he chills the fuck out, leaves the ministry to do something else - it’s a game changer. Brings the family on for mukbangs. Does videos with mummy weasley. Percy grows his hair out and Bill teases him for being a copy cat. Much better. Still talks politics but it’s fucking hiliarous and now the food is poppin.

Fred and George: Alright, this shit right here. Every fucking bit of it is a self promo for the shop. Meals inspired by and that would go well paired with 'this product'. Like, that's the whole thing. And then they run an add for their shop at the end featuring the product. It works for them because they're smart, they're hot and they're also wildly entertaining with their constantly sibling squabbling. But yeah. Big promo for the shop.

Ron Weasley: Honestly, out of everyone. Ron probably has the most followers and it's because he doesn't say shit while he's eating. He sits down with a massive fucking turkey. Nods at the camera and just tears it up. It's literally so satisfying. All the food is prepared by his mother. So it's obviously fantastic. ( I just had to use this gif.)

Ginny: Gin's channel is usually team building videos with the Harpies. 'Cheat Day: Vlog and Mukbang w/the Harpies' type of vibes. It's cool though and since it's a famous quidditch team the fans enjoy the behind the scenes action and actually drop all kinds of recipes for them to try in the future.

Hermione: Hermione could easily veer off into Percy's channel of misery when she gets started on her rants but mostly they're really chill videos. Mukbang and Book Review type of vibe. Or sometimes even the playing of an audio book while she does her thing. All in all, wholesome.

Harry: Lol, I swear. Fucking awkward bean. Harry's videos are literally of him making the simplest of things and being so fucking awkward. "Er, well, hi guys. So I'm about to head out for work. Running a bit late. But we're having a bit of toast and jam." Like it's literally just little videos of him eating whatever throughout the day. But of course, since he's Harry Fucking Potter- his follower count is astronomical.

Neville: Now, this boy. This boy is a goblincore gobbo's wet dream. Gardening videos with homegrown veg. Recipes from Grandmother. Have a nice Veggie Pot Pie with Professor Longbottom in the Hogwarts Greenhouse. There is a fanbase and it is huge.

Luna: Honestly, the weirdest fucking channel in the world. Like she finds the weirdest things to eat and goes from there. But Luna is bae so it's cool. Also, a thousand percent does Smoke Sesh + Mukbang videos. You know it's true.

Dean and Seamus: Literally, eating in the most crowded pubs as they visit football games around the country. Seamus will definitely pull the Irish card from time to time to have a drinking competition. He wins everytime. He may be a little dude but shit- homie can hold his own.

Cedric: Honestly, it's so fucking pure. Straight up did videos during his time at Hogwarts in the Hogwarts kitchen. Such kind little conversations with the house elves. "Hey, guys. Thanks for coming back to another video. Today we're making some really tasty biscuits. Whispy, one of the talented bakers here in the kitchens, is here to help us today so please say hello to her in the comments." He'll also always make extra and leave them in the Hufflepuff common room for everyone to enjoy. Like, it's honestly so pure and he's such a soft boi and oh my fucking geeeeeeerrrrrrdddd!!!!!

Draco: Actually takes it really seriously and put a lot of hard work into it. Nothing like his father's ego-tistical recipes. Surprisingly, every. single. recipe. is a muggle recipe. How would he know? Because he cross referenced with Granger of course. Cooks it himself. No magic. Lots of random talks. Just like a monologue of things and it gets kinda deep sometimes. Like, it's the channel to go to when you need advice that you didn't even know that you needed. Still eats incredibly proper. It's that pureblood raising of his. Old habits die hard.

Tonks: Pure chaos. "Hey, today we're having Mum's homemade lasagna and I'm also getting a new tattoo. Might dye my hair. Don't really need to since I can do this but whatever. So yeah, there's that. Like it's just all over the place and you'd think it would take but the chaos is too good not to watch. Literally gives herself beaks and snouts while she eats. It's iconic.

Dumbledore: Mother fucker just sits at his desk, stares straight into the camera and eats a lemon drop. Like a weirdo. The video usually no more than a minute and each video is just some variation of that. Meme lord.

Hagrid: Tea With Hagrid. Also, so the recipes suck, they too, but Hagrid is a peach and it's relaxing to see his gentle half giant there in his hut, pumpkin patch out the window and Fang laying by the fire. It's a mood and he's just like the comforting Dad figure.

McGonagall: Honestly the best one in the entire world. She makes a full course traditional Scottish breakfast... and then transforms into her animagus the cat...and promptly knocks it off the table. A fucking legend.

------------------------------

Please attack the ask box!

Love, Kenny

@frankie2902

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@littledeadrottinghood @blackirisposts

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@theladyofmasks @aengsty

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@minxyvixen

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@criminalyetminimal

Love, Kenny

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lillianfromaccounting · 3 years

Text

This ended up being a very long post and I'm on mobile, so I'll fix the read more in the morning when I get on the computer.

TW: covid, depression, Thanksgiving, a lot of food talk

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Today, we officially called off Thanksgiving with family (it had pretty much been decided but today we called the few people to confirm it).

Some background: my family only started celebrating Thanksgiving because I wanted to. We're Chinese, so growing up, it wasn't a thing for us, plus my mom wasn't fond of turkey.

At the age of 13, I picked up a bread baking recipe book at a Scholastic book drive. Up until that point, I had been baking stuff from box mixes, so making bread from scratch was a huge deal for me. Age 14, I told my parents I wanted to do Thanksgiving the American way. We qualified for a free turkey at our local supermarket anyway, so why not? To make it more palatable, I incorporated Chinese elements into the menu--various Chinese vegetables (choy) instead of green bean casserole, sticky rice (loh mai fan) stuffing--and i would bake fresh bread. There would always be white rice.

I have a huge extended family and on the weekends, my parents would have family and friends over to play mahjong, so Thanksgiving went over great because they loved trying all these new foods, and I loved trying new recipes. We always had a rotation of at least thirty people, so the food went. I think one year, I counted just over fifty people--it was like a revolving door at my parents' house, some people would pop in around lunch time and hang out until they had to go to their own family's Thanksgiving dinners, some came for dinner, and some came for dessert and coffee with a side of mahjong.

As the years went on, my menus got more and more elaborate, and I would enlist my younger siblings (I have three) to be my sous chefs. It was a THING. Thanksgiving was my thing.

The college I went to is very involved with the Macy's Thanksgiving parade balloons, and while it would have been an awesome experience, it required giving up your Wednesday night and most of Thanksgiving Thursday. That was a deal breaker for me. That's how much my Thanksgiving ritual meant to me.

Some of my favorite memories are waiting in line at DiPalo's (before they expanded, back when it was just the corner storefront) with my sister the weekend before Thanksgiving to get fresh mozzarella and ricotta and parmigiano (lasagna was a huge hit with my family). The longest we waited was three hours one year.

Another year, this was after I had graduated and moved out and was working. My work let us out early (around 2pm), but this asshat in another department ensured me that he needed these numbers so he can work over the weekend. I ended up running out to DiPalo's to pick up my order and going back to work, working to 9pm to get those numbers out, before going back to my parents' house to start cooking. The asshat didn't look at them that weekend (we get the Friday off too).

Mind you, it's not that I couldn't get the ingredients in Jersey, I just honestly had no idea where to go. My parents did the bulk of their grocery shopping in Chinatown and DiPalo's was right at the border of Chinatown and Little Italy.

As I said earlier, my menus got more elaborate over the years. Everyone kept eating the loaves of fresh bread for breakfast, so I made Thanksgiving an all day affair, with a breakfast, lunch, and dinner menu.

One year, the theme was fried foods (fried turkey legs, homemade mozzarella sticks, etc.). I always tried new recipes on Thanksgiving, because honestly, what I enjoyed most about it was the process, the production of creating something delicious.

My siblings started sending me recipes throughout the year. One year, I made a vegan raspberry cheesecake (the base was cashews and almonds).

My siblings also said that they knew my now husband was a keeper because he had not only survived Thanksgiving at my parents' house, but he rolled with it (I'm pretty sure I put him to work too).

After we got married and bought our house, I claimed Thanksgiving for both sides of the family (there were no objections, because I didn't care about Christmas, so they had Christmas). My husband's family had been getting their Thanksgiving meals catered for a few years at this point, so they didn't mind not cooking.

But including his family meant I had to start making sacrifices to my process. One person only liked Stove Top stuffing (don't get me wrong, Stove Top chicken flavor is amazing, but so is a sausage stuffing from scratch). The year my second child was born, I think I was a bit burned out by everything, so we ended up ordering a whole pig (think spit roast, but Chinese style) and some roast ducks that year. We were told the next year that some people would prefer to have turkey. One year, we decided to smoke our turkey, and the feedback we had gotten was that some people really preferred oven roasted. So the following year, we did turkey three ways (roasted, smoked, and deep fried) and we started getting feedback that we were doing too much variety. This happened with the sides too. Heirloom vegetable recipes (guys, I used to watch the Food Network religiously) were reduced to sauteed green beans or asparagus. We were told to reduce the variety of things, so the only pasta dish that kept making it onto the menu was mac and cheese, because that was someone else's preference. And I couldn't even play around with the mac and cheese, because the family's recipe used Velveeta (yes, I know I sound like a food snob, and it's because I was back then).

But year after year, the creativity of the menu decreased and decreased, to the point where my husband and I felt it wasn't enjoyable anymore.

This morning, after we had called the family (it was really just my and his parents, whom we have been seeing during this whole time because we live close and do shopping for them, etc.), part of me was excited to finally make a menu and my husband and I agreed on a very small menu, because it's just us and our two kids.

And by the time I went to bed, I was excited again for Thanksgiving because we will be cooking things that we want. There are three, possibly four varieties of scones on the breakfast menu right now. I haven't mentioned this yet, but my menus are always too ambitious. I almost never get every single dish on the table, but the important ones get there. The experimental ones get ranked in order of what I want to taste.

After all these years, we have established staples. We always have bacon cheddar scones with breakfast. My sons requested chocolate chip and vanilla, respectively, and I want pumpkin. We'll see how many varieties actually get made. I always make fresh cranberry sauce for the sole reason of baking it into a crumb cake for Friday morning. We also eat the Ocean Spray jellied (with whole berries), and I serve it in slices. My husband is the mashed potato king, so he handles that. The King Arthur masala chai pumpkin pie recipe has been a hit year after year, so that is a staple now. I was excited to be able to cook what we wanted again.

It even inspired a Thanksgiving chapter in the fic I am writing. (I am so, so, so happy and excited for this chapter now.)

But as I was going to bed tonight, I was thinking about those memories at DiPalo's and cooking with my siblings, and pandemic sadness hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried hard. I miss my siblings. I miss the hospitality of it all. Just like my parents' house was a revolving door, when my husband and I took over Thanksgiving, it was an unspoken rule that extended friends and family were welcomed. My siblings' friends from high school and college would stop by. My one sister's friend would even ask to be on the menu distribution list (I usually drafted a menu and my family members would vote on which dishes they wanted, and that was partially how the menu was created) and invite himself over lol.

I miss that company--the people who understood my Thanksgiving--my family. I haven't seen (in person) one sister since January and the other since March. And while we're constantly talking to each other and do the occasional video chat, it's just not the same.

If you read this far, thank you for your time and energy.

I don't have a point to this post, except maybe wear a fucking mask and stay home, so we can eventually beat this pandemic and resume some semblance of pre-covid life.

And I know this post is very much a first world problem. We have enough to eat and a warm roof over our heads. I am very grateful for that. But I am allowed to be sad too. This year would have been my 25th anniversary with Thanksgiving.

Writing all this out really helped though.

#personal #Thanksgiving #food #long post #depression #covid 19 #thanks for reading #i finally feel like i might be able to sleep now #also katiekeysburg would probably agree that my menus are ridiculous #and yeah some of it is excessive

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missguomeiyun · 3 years

Text

Homecookings [Apr. ed]

Hi friends~

Due to the home-cation during the 1st little bit of April, I actually had time to do more ‘extensive’ cooking/posts so the content in this post will be quite limited...

But here we go!

Good ol’ spaghetti + PC brand flatbread (the chicken one that I didn’t enjoy......)

This was an interesting snack. Have you tried shrimp crackers by Nongshim brand? This had similar vibes to that but thinner chips & a diff ‘taste’ bcos it’s fish-flavoured haha I got a bag for myself, & also gave a bag to the nieces so try. They did not like this! I thought it was okay; not my favourite but I finished it all anyway. It was my Penthouse snack :P

I don’t know why I thought this package of zucchinis was cute. ..

I have deonjang (Korean soy bean paste) soup with the zucchini, tofu, imitation lobster meat, & underneath that, there was also some napa cabbage. To add some extra flavour, I added gochu powder & some salted shrimp sauce.

Another zucchini in soup lunch.. . no, I’m not on a diet haha I actually had more of this soup in my pot; I just scooped out this much for the photo. For this soup, I had zucchini, tofu, imitation lobster meat as well as fish cake. I personally liked this one better than the previous. Some ppl may not like it bcos of the added fish cakes, making the soup “fishy” but I am a huge fan of the fish cakes! Paired it with some radish & injeolmi!

[where my injeolmi came from] This was from the small bakery section at the U of A location of Hmart. I haven’t had injeolmi for such a longgggg time.

Breakfast after a long stretch >.< I needed to reward myself haha

Jjajang-ddeokbokki. Instead of the traditional spicy version of ddeokbokki, I’ve been making this more often nowadays (aka the black bean sauce version). This has become one of my regular lunches bcos I’ve figured out a way to cook this so that when I microwave it the next day, the rice cakes are still chewy (not soaked/soggy). I have tried bringing the regular spicy ddeokbokki for lunch before & for some reason, it just. .. never worked out the way I wanted it to be. I’ve tried diff brands of rice cakes etc... I’ve experimented with it a handful of times. However, it seems to work with the black bean sauce o_O I’m not sure why. This is the day-off lunch version but basically if I’m making some for work lunch the next day, I actually undercook the rice cakes & save the extra sauce in a separate container. Before I head out to work, I pour the sauce into my rice cake-containing container (to prevent overnight soaking). & while I’m at work, I heat it up like.. . hardcore! For like 3mins... (bcos some microwaves at work are old & not very ‘strong’). The rice cakes are bouncy & while it’s being microwaved, they actually take up some of the liquid/sauce! SUCCESS!!!

Another drama snack~ This was my snack while I was watching the Kdrama “Cheat On Me, If You Can.” Not as good as Penthouse but I was also really into it & finished it in a few days. This snack was interesting- while the flavour was meh, I was actually in love with the shape/texture. It was rotini-shaped, & the texture was puffy!

Beef seasoning~

Yes, more zucchini. .. I legit ate all 3 by myself over the span of 4-5 days haha oh no, my mom used about half in a stir-fry one evening so I guess I ate 2.5 zucchinis. Anyway, I used the above beef seasoning for this soup that consisted of zucchini, napa cabbage, regular green cabbage, minute amount of onion. Yes, it was vegetarian.

Laksa vermicelli noodles. YES MORE ZUCCHINI! I swear this is the last one lol but I needed to use it up bcos prior to cracking open the saran wrap/packaging, it was actually sitting in the fridge for almost a week already so I needed to use it all up like fast! Anywho, I threw away the package of laksa soup base that I used here but it was by the Asian Home Gourmet brand. I used the entire package, diluted with half:half chicken broth & water for my soup. It was delicious! For toppings, I had my zucchini, napa cabbage, baby clams & a variety of fish balls.

This was interesting. I will likely make this again NOT bcos it was particularly “tasty”, but iuno. .. the combo of textures was just great! I had buttered toast, a single layer of yellow radish, mashed up imitation lobster meat (did not add anything to it), & then furikake. It was like crunchy & soft, & just, overall, a burst of diff flavours in one bite!

Korean fried chicken by MEEEEEEE~ I have gotten rid of the double-frying practice bcos it takes too long & too much effort. Now I do the wet-dry batter method, & the outcome is equally as crispy! ^^

If we buy these frozen lasagnas, it’s always the PC brand, but we have this Western Family brand this time.

Looks like this... o_O wasn’t impressed.. . Why is there so much ice!?

I don’t have a finished photo bcos it was so sad... why?

I used microwave method, & . .. it turned out to be such a big mess =( it become so liquid-y & everything was just. .. melted down. I think it was bcos of the water content, plus the extra ice that dripped onto the pasta. Anyway, flavour was good but nothing crazy! Will be sticking to the PC brand :P

My version of mapo-tofu. I have satay sauce + bulgogi sauce, diced green cabbage, eggplant & tofu! Topped with a gochu powder~ YUM!

& now I wanna talk about my vaccine with you all~ if you’re not interested, check out my Etsy shop here instead! https://www.etsy.com/shop/OneOfAKo

Okay, so my vaccine story.. .

1st of all, a little bit of background in regards to my province’s C*vid situation .. . long story short, it’s NOT good. To be fair, I’m in-and-out of tuning in to the daily updates; I look once every few days &. .. yeah, it’s just NOT good! We are hitting record numbers; surpassing the worst numbers in the 2nd wave.. . I don’t get it >.< I’m not sure why the numbers are so high despite ppl are getting vaccinated *shrugs* but I think everyone should go get vaccinated if you are eligible to!

Right now, in this province, there are 2 routes of getting vaccinated: select pharmacies & via provincial health services.

When I was eligible to book (I’m in health care but not front line so I just got the eligibility this month!), I went thru the pharmacy options that were closest to me. Why? Bcos it was convenient by location. I read into it a little more, & realized that I’ll be placed on a general waiting list. I ended up signing myself up for 1 pharmacy, where the location was TBD until they actually confirm my appointment, which they say, could be weeks to months down the line! O_O In any case, I just left it as is bcos there was no way to cancel being on the wait list.

In the meantime, immediately after I did the pharmacy registration, I went on the AHS website. Did the questionnaire & got the ‘final page’, where they gave a date/time option with a 10minute timer running so you have 10 minutes to finalize your booking. Except when I hit “confirm”, the next page said, “this time has been taken”. So I had to go thru the whole process again. And again. I clicked the “confirm” 3 times, & finally got a date/time for my vaccination! YAY!

Went to my vaccination appointment ~10mins before my scheduled time. There was a "greeting” table, where I was required to change into a new (provided) medical mask. Then I was instructed to line up for the sign-in table, where the staff at the desk asked for my 2 pieces of ID. I was also given the vaccination record form. After that, I went into another line to actually enter the vaccination room. At my location, it was a small-ish room with about 10 vaccine administrators. There was a girl who was monitoring the “ppl flow” from the line to the vaccination station. A little more info was given by my administrator, & a final “do you want to get the vaccine today?”. The shot itself was short, & to me, painless. Then everyone had to move to a waiting room, where we had to wait around for 15mins to make sure we don’t get an allergic reaction. This room was the PROBLEM! It was SO small & spaces between chairs was only about a meter! It was stuffy in the mask AND in the room. I could FEEL it. It was very bad! & worse of all, the number of ppl who got their vaccines exceeded the number of ppl exiting the room, so when I was there in a chair, there were ppl standing along the wall & the room got even more crowded. This part was the worse part of the experience =/ 15mins done, & I was able to leave!

So yeah, glad to have the privilege to be vaccinated (about time!), but I don’t know why our numbers keep climbing >.< Cooperate, ppl!!!

#homemade #homecooking #food #cooking #cook #i cook #healthy

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crackedship · 4 years

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Nursery Paint Wars

See my masterlist to read other chapters.

Feyre was living a dream.

Well, mostly, when she wasn't hit by dizziness or fatigue, heartburn or some morning sickness. But honestly, that was karma- she had bragged about feeling wonderful too soon.

She thought Lucien and Rhys would become unbearably fussy over her (which they did on the first two weeks after she told them), but after so many talks over dinner, lunch, late at night- just everytime they could, both of them understood she was not an invalid and the baby wouldn't just fall of her uterus because she was doing something like tying her shoes. Yes, they did insist on tying her shoes, even when her pregnant belly wasn't in the way yet.

She couldn't have asked for better people on her life. After her previous relationships, all the fights with her family, she found a home. A true home, where they laughed and loved and understand. They carried all the good and the bad together.

Her boyfriends even put up with her most crazy swings. In one second she was tired and in the next she was up and doing a dance party at 3 am. She was clingy and needy for her boyfriends, but then she was too hot and bothered to be around them. They had some dumb fights over stupid things.

But they laughed and did everything as she asked. They left her alone, fulfilled her kinks and most importantly bought her weird food at weird timing. So far, pickles proved to be a real craving, as the cheeseburgers. Also peanut butter ice cream, lemonades, carrot cupcakes, eggplant lasagna (that sounded gross, but cauldron it was so fucking delicious) and extra hot chicken wings.

At first she thought it would be sad because she couldn't get drunk for nine months, but it turned out she felt high all the time. Looking at her boyfriends faces, their happiness and care for her was all she could ever dream of. Feyre didn't know love could feel like this. It made her heart feel funny and she would tear up while staring at them.

It was a good thing she opened her galery with her friend Ressina, since all the doctor appointments, all the symptoms, were easier to deal with while working at home. She was about four months now- contrary to all other mom's out there, she refused to count it in weeks. It was too confusing and Rhys was more than happy to be extra and do that for her.

At this point, they could tell if it was a boy or a girl, but Feyre refused to know. Rhys and Lucien begged for her, saying it would kill them to not know and it would be much easier to call the baby he or she. But she just glared at her lovers, claiming it was not just for the surprise of it, but also because it didn't matter and she wanted the child to pick for themselves.

Now, alone and left to nothing much but her thinking, maybe she was being silly for almost snapping at them about it. But cauldron, didn't they all know how it was to be with a family that did not understand or accept them. She just didn't want to take any possibilities from her baby.

She didn't want them to look back at their pictures and hate how it all was because it's pink for a girl or blue for a boy and that was the rule and nothing else was right or enough. So she picked to paint a huge mural on her firstborn bedroom instead of going boring and monochromatic.

It took some days for them to decide what room would become the nursery. The house house had four bedrooms, one that turned into a studio for Feyre and other that had became an office for Rhys and Lucien. They could easily pick the guest bedroom, but the other two were closer to theirs, and she couldn't do much about her boyfriends plotting against her to pick their office.

It was the only real situation Feyre ended up giving in to their overprotectiveness, even if reluctantly. She was going to use her studio, being the perfect excuse to move it to the attic as she wanted to (it had beautiful skylights that would set the perfect lighting), but they talked her off by remembering her it wouldn't be good to go up and down the stairs everyday with a giant belly and art supplies.

She couldn't lie- she was procrastinating when it come to the mural. It was a lot of work and she wanted to be a surprise, but one of her lovers was always with her most of the time. Not to count on the fact that she got tired really quickly when doing absolutely anything.

But today, her boyfriends had left for work for the biggest part of the day, giving her the perfect opportunity. She had woken up before sunrise, early enough to sketch and make breakfast and move her supplies to the now empty room.

She heard the front door opening and closing, Lucien's brief "honey, I'm home," followed by his steps. For a moment, she considered if she should let him get in or not, but she couldn't take holding the secret much longer, deciding to tell him to come in when he knocks.

"Oh wow," he says as soon as he enters, taking a look at the walls she been painting non-stop for the whole day. "I knew you were planning something big but this… It is perfect, love."

She smiles, getting up from the ground and going to him. She was wearing nothing but a huge old shirt and underwear, covered in paint, yet he holds her close when she reaches out to him.

"I thought it was fitting for the three of us," she points at the mural. It occupied two walls, going from a starry night to the bright blue of daylight, with mountains and trees to go with it. "We are the lights in each others darkness, remember? Do you like it?"

"I love it, and I love you," he says after a while were he just stared at her and then the wall, smiling like she seen few times before and then kissing her softly. "Don't you think is going to overwork you? It is two whole walls, you know.." He looks at her concerned.

She rolls her eyes, simply holding closer to him and nuzzling her face on his chest. "It wont, but if you're so worried, mother hen, why don't you go change and come back to help me?"

He laughs, nodding. When he comes back, changed into old clothes, Feyre is already sitting down to resume her activities. She knows that his painting will be nothing short of making jokes, asking stupid questions about what color goes where and then silently gaze at her with loving puppy eyes. They done this sometimes before.

Everything goes so well they get lost on what they are doing, only realizing Rhys is home when he is already sitting beside them in his italian suit, snapping pictures on all angles possible, including unnecessary close-ups of her belly.

It didn't take much after that for Rhys, not giving a single shit about his expensive clothing, to throw the paint at her. Needless to say it became war pretty fast.

At least, Feyre thought while laying on the ground sprawled over her lovers, looking at the paint covering the wood floor, I won't be the one to clean this.

Perhaps fussy boyfriends had some good uses.

*******

Once again, sorry for any mistakes. This is just based off of my rage against gender rules lol i feel sorry for you if you don't agree.

Eggplant lasagna is a thing and is so fucking great, you should try it.

Thanks for reading/like/reblog ❤️

#feyrhycien #Feysand #feycien #rhycien #feyrhycien au #sjm fanfic #acotar #my writing #rhysand #lucien vanserra #feyre #acomaf #acowar

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leaves-of-three · 6 years

Text

Day Eleven: Part Two || Soon

Connor Murphy x Reader

Word Count: 1713

Summary: A continuation to Day Eleven. Getting ready for a date with a Connor and a slight change of plans. [This is part of an in progress series. You can follow along here.]

Author’s Note: This is kinda short. I was only gonna have two parts to day eleven. The first half when he asks her on a date and then the date itself. But then the idea of using Connor to get back at a parent you’re pissed at sounded too appealing and it turned into this. And I wanted the actual dinner to be separate piece because I got tired of writing this one lol idk I've just felt like crap lately. One of these days my writing will better maybe xKatie

You wanted to be happy. You wanted to be excited. You were technically going on a date with Connor. Sort of. You don’t just jump into someone’s arms and make out with them, then get asked to dinner by them the next day, if it wasn’t a date. Right? You should be happy. This was what you wanted. This was what you had been waiting for.

Then how come the second you clicked out of facetime with him, you felt nothing? It was like the moment his face was out of your direct line of sight, you felt empty. Why did your mood change so suddenly? This morning you woke up beaming over Connor. Now you struggled to find the will power to get out of bed. You were laying there waiting for any sort of emotion to hit but nothing was coming. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes to into hours, and before you knew it darkness was creeping over your room.

You hadn’t moved from your bed once.

As it inched closer to 7, you finally forced yourself into the bathroom to take a shower. You’d probably feel excited when you started getting ready. You could shower, wash your hair, redo your make up, dry and curl your hair, and pick out an outfit. It should be fun. You used to love this part of getting ready for a date. You’d listen to music and dance around your room. Typically Alyssa would have been over to help. She’d give you advice on what to wear and what to say as long as you promised to fill her in on all the details afterwards. Your evenings would be filled with laughter, excitement, and hope.

You missed having girlfriends.

You missed laughing.

The shower sputtered to life as you stood naked in your bathroom. You held your hand under the stream then quickly pulled it back. It was freezing. The hot water would take a few minutes to warm up. You shivered. Your house always ran cold. You grabbed a fluffy, white towel and wrapped it around yourself while you patiently waited for steam to start filling the tiny room. Opposite you sat the mirror hanging over the bathroom sink. Your eyes were drawn up to the reflection.

There was nothing looking back. There was no life of a person behind your eyes. They were blank. For some reason you started to feel shameful, like you had done something wrong, like it was your fault that you weren’t able to feel the right emotions. You were supposed to be happy. The fact that you weren’t only caused you to be racked with guilt. Something was wrong with you. You weren’t working properly.

You stayed staring into the void of your eyes until the mirror began to steam up. Your reflection became distorted and softened as the fog crept along the glass. When you could no longer see any distinguishing features of yourself, you hung your towel back up and stepped into the water. It stung your skin. Blood rose to your cheeks under the heat. You closed your eyes and let the water soak away your sins.

Five minutes in and you had started crying. You were always crying. There was no in between. You were either crying or you were zoning out for hours. This afternoon had been a rare treat when you could actually function and get something productive done. Those special moments were few and fleeting nowadays. Whatever spark you had found earlier was gone. You would have to cancel on Connor. You couldn’t go out like this. No one wants a dinner date with a crying zombie.

You rinsed off any remaining shampoo in your hair and turned off your shower. Your sniffling, quiet sobs sounded more prominent without the water to drown them out. Pathetic. You were pathetic. It would be impossible for anyone to ever find you attractive or desirable like this. Why were you even trying to trick yourself? To Connor, you were probably nothing more than a charity case that had been thrust upon him.

With a towel wrapped tightly around you, you pulled your hairdryer out from under the sink cabinet. If you wanted to cancel on him so badly then why were you still getting ready? Maybe you still had a some hope that your excitement would return and everything would go back to normal. It was a losing bet. Normal wasn’t something you were familiar with anymore.

Hair dry. Curled. Brushed out into soft waves.

Make up done. Foundation. Highlighter. Lashes. Winged liner. Natural lips.

Clothes picked out. Skinny jeans. Loose top. Cardigan. Boots.

Jewelry on. Necklace. Two rings. Painted nails.

You evaluated your appearance in the mirror. You could make yourself look decent on the outside but you knew the truth. On the inside you were hollow and miserable. It would only be a matter of time before everyone else realized the truth too.

Connor: Today 6:58 pm: be there soon

Y/N: Today 6:58 pm: I’ll be waiting :)

The doorbell ran. You looked down at your phone in confusion. That was fast. He had just texted you. You grabbed your purse, slinging it over your shoulder, and pulled open the front door.

You took a step back in surprise. Instead of seeing Connor, you came face to face with a woman you’d never see before. “Oh crap...sorry. I thought you were someone else,” you tried to force some sort of polite smile onto your face. “Can I help you?”

The woman smiled back. She was tall and slim. Her hair was dyed a shade of blonde that didn’t quite match her skin tone. The dye job made it look like a bad wig. She looked to be in her mid thirties. “You must be Y/N? It’s so lovely to finally meet you,” she spoke as if you were supposed to know who the hell she was.

You gave her a look of confusion, “Uh, if you’re selling something, we don’t want it but thanks anyway...”

She laughed. Like her hair color, it was obviously fake, “No, no, sweetie.” You despised being called sweetie. “I’m Holly. Holly Silk?” She picked up that the name didn’t sound familiar so she added, “...Your dad’s girlfriend?”

Your stomach dropped. Since when was your father dating? He had never once mentioned or shown interest in that sort of thing since your mom had passed. It had been ten years. You felt naive to admit it, but you always believed that he would have stayed true to your mother, that the idea of seeing another woman would have been absurd to him. Your mind began to race through a million things at once. You felt sick. This was bound to happen eventually. If you thought about it realistically, of course he’d want to find someone to spend his time with. But why hadn’t he ever mentioned it to you? And why her? Holly Silk? That sounded like a name a porn star would make up. You hated this woman instantly.

You gave her a snide smile and said in a sickly sweet voice, “I’m sorry, Holly. My father isn’t in at the moment. I’ll be sure to tell him you stopped by.” You went to close the door in her face.

She put her hand out to stop it, trying not to look as annoyed as she felt, “Actually I was hoping I could come in and wait. I’ve been away on a business trip the past two days. I thought I would surprise Steven when he got home. I was going to cook his favorite meal.” She held up the grocery bags in her hands, “Tacos! I’ve brought all the fixings for them. Enough for all three of us to eat. I thought it would be a good time for us to get to know each other.”

You scowled, “Actually my dad’s favorite meal is my dead mother’s famous lasagna recipe that we make every Christmas but good try.”

Holly still did her best to hold up the smile plastered on her face despite her eyes flashing in displeasure, “Well regardless, maybe I come in? I’ve been waiting to get to know you for some time now. It’d be lovely to have dinner with you and your father.”

That was the last thing on earth you’d ever want to be doing. Your anger for your father started to grow. How could he be seeing someone and not tell you? It was his fault she was showing up at your door. It was his fault some stranger was begging to come inside and cook with you. He was so oblivious to everything going on in your life. While you were out lost in a forest and having your entire life crumble around you, he was out fucking around with Ms. Porn Star Name. You had spent the past week crying yourself to sleep every night and he had no damn clue. Your mother would have known. She would have picked up on your change in behavior. She would have known how to take care of you. She would have been a parent. Your jaw clenched. Everything was your father’s fault, you decided.

You crossed your arms as a plan formed in your head. An evil grin spread across your face. “Actually Helen-

“Holly,” she corrected.

“My bad. Actually Holly, I’m waiting for a date to show up and take me out to dinner. He should be here any moment. But if you didn’t mind, I could always invite him inside to eat with us. It could be a double date. I’m sure my father would be thrilled.” The idea of Connor, probably still on his high from earlier, with a face bruised and bloodied sitting to eat dinner with you and your dad’s girlfriend sounded like the perfect form of revenge. If your dad could surprise you with a new girlfriend then, surely, he wouldn’t mind if you surprised him Connor.

Holly sighed in relief. She obviously had no idea what was in store. “That would be wonderful! I hope you don’t mind changing your plans for me?”

You pushed open the door and stepped aside for her. “No, no. It’s perfectly fine. Don’t worry. Please, come in. My date will be thrilled be to meet you...I’m sure of it.”

#connor murphy x reader #connor murphy #dear evan hansen #deh #deh fic #connor murphy fc

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unbeast · 7 years

Text

Cute Tags

I was tagged by @cafedetude, keep em comin, these are fun xx

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal; use just enough milk for the cereal to soak up

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? no!

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? usually receipts, sometimes postcards/birthday cards in envelopes

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? tea: only if I’m sick and just with honey coffee: I just like iced capps

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? sometimes, if I overthink it. The left side around my mouth isn’t as mobile so it looks stiff and awkward, and also there are these two veins or something on either side of my face that move towards my eyes when I smile and it looks very disturbing

6: do you keep plants? oh shit I forgot I have one, haven’t watered that thing in about 3 weeks

7: do you name your plants? no, sorry “that thing”

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? drama

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? I don’t like to sing because it hurts my ears when I do, but I like to dramatically deliver song lyrics. Humming usually leads to me getting too riled up so I often steer clear of that

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side!

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? The first one that comes to mind is “Sarahhhh” aka the reenactment of Max not knowing what to do when his kayak is sinking

12: what’s your favorite planet? venus, baby

13: what’s something that made you smile today? a scene in the final episode of Stranger Things 2 that I can’t mention now because it’s still too soon

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? semi-bohemian, cozy, clean

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! “Saturn is the only planet in the solar system that would float on water”

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? homemade lasagna

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? blue

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. the time I gifted tampons with christmas jokes attached to the strings

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? Yes, there’s your classic recap, poems, dumb questions, favorites lists, to-read/watch lists, semi-collages

20: what’s your favorite eye color? “The kind of green that doesn't make a big deal about itself” which has... ugh okay for years now, this description of Sam’s eyes from Perks, it just. You know what eyes he’s talking about

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. my topshop bag. It’s the first thing I purchased from topshop, and it ignited my addiction to the brand

22: are you a morning person? yes, metaphysically(?) (lol) I like doing things in the morning because time seems slower and I feel more productive and energized. Waking up’s the challenge tho

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? swingset

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? no

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? is this a common thing people do??

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? ehhhh I’m not too fond of any one of my shoes right now but grade 10 through 11 I was overly attached to one pair of indoor soccer shoes that I used as everyday sneakers

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? bubblegum

28: sunrise or sunset? sunrise

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? their laugh!! Makes me so happy, can’t help but laugh along

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? proximity to wasps, walking across a valley on a rusty pipe with low guardrails

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. love socks!! I have to sleep with socks because I get cold at night and if my skin is exposed, I get sick. I like comfortable, just-below-ankle-length athletic socks, would like to invest in some that I could wear my vans with w/o the socks showing because otherwise, socks makes my calves look bulbous when I wear skirts/dresses/shorts

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. we had a really deep talk and sappy declarations of friendship

33: what’s your fave pastry? AHH! STAHHP, I could’ve dropped my ______

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? Lami! A sweet little lamb I got from the dollar store when I first moved to Canada, very precious and dear to me. Carried her to school until grade four because I was scared there’d be a fire at my house and she’d die. I still keep her, of course!!

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? yes, love stationary n pens! But never buy because, money. :/

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? tame impala

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? it’s so, so messy. I hate it! I like things clean but I just never have time to sort through it and it piles up and :( I’m disgusting

38: tell us about your pet peeves! when, in the winter, you have a scarf wrapped around your neck and then the wind keeps blowing it behind your shoulder so it’s softly choking you

39: what color do you wear the most? black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I have a troy bolton necklace that I believe Joyce got me for my birthday in, I want to say grade four or five. It’s perfect

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Ender’s Game

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Tim Hortons near the mall, makes the best hashbrowns and the iced capps are perfect balance of coffee and milk and ice, just A+

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? my roommate, on our walk home

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? on the skytrain, moments before I looked through an open apartment window and saw a naked girl flopping down onto a mattress, followed by a nude man jumping ontop of her like a flying squirrel. The illusion was shattered (yes, this actually happened and it was a lot to process)

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? no !!!! never ever ever

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. I was wondering why the baseball kept coming closer and closer, and then it hit me!

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? This spinach dish my mum makes with an egg on top? It’s slimy, and it’s a no from me

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? I was scared of fish up until age 5 I believe, my grandma used to cut out paper fishies and flush them down the toilet to try and help me get over that fear. Now its probably... oof I can’t think of any atm but there’s soooo many

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? yes, I most recently purchased an After Laughter cd and cassette, I’m stoked

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? journals that I never use

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I associate the twinkling at the beginning of Fleetwood Mac’s “Everywhere” with Shalla

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? homeboy can like... get it, me talking about myself vs me talking about ______, there’s LOTS but I just can’t remember :’(

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I’ve seen all!

RHPS: I’m “eh” towards the movie itself but the atmosphere of seeing it in a theatre is the best fucking experience!!! This weekend I went to a shadowcast for Halloween second year in a row, thinking of making it annual :)

Heathers: can quote it start to finish as though it were a favorite song, love this movie

beetlejuice: it’s good, Winona Ryder is such a gem, and the scene with the banana boat song is cinematic gold

pulp fiction: it’s good, not a favorite but I can appreciate it

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? can’t think of anyone rn

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? everything I do is dramatic, every point I’ve made has been made dramatically

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? genuine, genuine, genuine

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? made me feel loosey goosey, and yes

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? hi yes this is vodka aunt speaking, I like vodka. Wine mom is no one because wine tastes horrible

59: what’s your favorite myth? I’ve never looked into myths, but Medusa just sounds like a riot

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yes, poetry is nice, but it’s rare I find ones I really am a fan of

I like listening to T.S. Elliot read his four quartets and "Pins and Needles" by Dua Saleh

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? given: a tween magazine that I decorated with obscene language that ended up being secret-santaed to my theatre director. Received? Probably a shirt with a picture of a random blonde girl saying “nevermind” from my mom (sorry mom)

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? if I need refreshing wake up call, I’ll drink OJ

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? My bookshelf is organized by favorites, idc about my music

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? midnight blue at 10 pm

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? lotssss

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? any collection of flowers that are all white, or a collection of colors that are moody and vampy

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? heavy, like I’m walking in water

68: what’s winter like where you live? hopefully no snow this year or ever

69: what are your favorite board games? Translated, it’s called “get angry, man” but essentially it’s Sorry

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? I haaaaate teaaaaa but chamomile if I HAVE to drink some when I’m sick

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yes

73: what are some of your worst habits? ripping the skin off around my nails, biting my nails

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. genuine

75: tell us about your pets! I HAVE A BIRD NAMED CHARLIE AND HE IS TOO COOL FOR ME

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? a cog psy assignment

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink, aesthetically; yellow flavourfully(?)

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? If I don’t ever see an unironic facebook minion meme ever again, I can tolerate them

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? can’t remember :( lots of cute things done by lots of cute people but I have a horrible memory

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? grey, no

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. you know the blue in Blue from Blue’s Clues’ fur, well that

82: are/were you good in school? I was, now I’m not

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? ahhhh can’t think of any. I’m sure I will literally 2 seconds after I post this

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? no, I’m too indecicive and I can’t commit

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I don’t, used to read archie digests though

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? yeah, as a concept (AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA)

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Bad Genius, Moonlight, Donnie Darko, The Matrix, What We Do In The Shadows

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? idk anything about art

89: are you close to your parents? not that close but i love em

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Vancouver, love everything

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? hopefully my family and I can vacation this year, it’s been a while

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? drownnn

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? just down

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? @millport

95: what are your plans for this weekend? this past HALLOWEEKEND I went to a frat party, saw a shadowcast of rocky horror, and spent time with good friends :) Next weekend sucks, I’m studying.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

INFJ

Libra

Slytherin

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? would have been a long time ago, summer after grade 9. The hike was for five days and I was super sick, so I couldn’t realy heal properly. Plus, my period just started so everything felt shit. But overall I loved it lmao

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. semi charmed life! Not because my soul is like “ooh, meth” but it’s just a perfect song

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? past, so I could have the power to completely change my present

I tag @kabul1998 and anyone who is up for some tag-answering

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bts-love-sweat-tears · 7 years

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Philosophy Forum

Pairing: Namjoon x reader

Rating: PG?

Type: I thought it would be fluffier when I imagined it but I guess it’s angst?

Inspiration: A number of things-the NYC concert, someone being rude to others in ch+ re: physical appearance (they got flagged so fast, don’t you worry); general philosophy stuff; (third-wave) feminism.

Let’s play a game: guess my major in undergrad lol

Also: this is my first fic EVARR (not counting the weird Draco shit I co-wrote with friends in middle school, may it never see the light of day again), so kindly let me know what you think/feedback/ways to improve. Please don’t attack me personally as I will be v. sad. If you think of a snazzier name, let me know.

You, October 2016

Can you be in love with someone you’ve never met?

This is the question that loops through my head. Logically, I don’t believe you can. You need to know if you have chemistry with that person, see them at their spontaneous best and worse, and to know if you feel that “spark” that everyone talks about endlessly. Emotionally, though, I want to believe otherwise. We are also told from the time we are young, that there is more than meets the eye, and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I don’t want to objectify or be objectified. Can you love someone you’ve never met? Can beauty be in the mind of the beholder?

I sigh and flip open my computer, and quickly log into the philosophy forum that has started to take up almost all of my free time. What started out as a way to finish a term paper quickly turned into a place where I felt truly present, even if it didn’t exist physically. The other members of the forum were intelligent, interesting, and helped me to challenge the perspectives that I took for granted.

There was one person in particular I hoped would be online, and sure enough, he was. His handle was @godofdestruction. When we first chatted, I thought that he would be an asshat with an ego problem with a name like that, but it turned out that he was self-deprecating and extremely witty. The name came from the fact that he apparently broke everything in his vicinity, and his six brothers gave it to him as a joke. I wondered what kind of family he came from, with so many siblings, but I knew so little about his personal life. I knew he would be on at random times, and I could never quite pin down what time zone he was in despite my best internet sleuthing (hello, future career in the NSA). All I really know about him is that he speaks English (duh) and has six brothers. I know he’s smart, loves coffee/coffee shops, and is interested in aesthetics. This whole debate of beauty also scares me, because if I’m being honest with myself, I already rely way too much on these conversations with a stranger halfway around the globe, but if we met would he reject me? I am only able to wallow in self-despair and existential angst for a few seconds, before our rapid-fire conversations begin, and my fingers are flying across the keyboard. We somehow get into a discussion of Arendt’s “banality of evil” and I forget my personal problems for societal ones.

Namjoon, January 2017

My smartphone screen flips to black, with the dreaded white swirl that means the battery has died. I roll to my side and chuck the phone across the bed. I guess my conversation with @kantdealwithmarx is over. This is a dangerous move for me, but for once in my life, the phone hits the Ryan plushy and falls unharmed to the carpeted floor. I sigh and run to the kitchen for a glass of water. In the hallway of the dorm, I see myself in the mirror. My lavender hair is sticking everywhere, and my lips are chapped as they always are. It’s ironic that I discuss philosophy and beauty for hours on the internet but look like a cartoon character. Tae and JK are in the living room playing (what else?) Overwatch, and for a second I enviously wish the game held the same appeal for me. It would certainly be easier.

It scares me how reliant I am on my conversations with @kantdealwithmarx. They’re god knows where, and I’m a K-pop star. Though we meet almost every day in the philosophy forum, we might as well be on different planets. It’s completely crazy, but the most rewarding experience that I have made a friend who knows nothing about my life or who I am. I definitely still have friends from my time in school and when I was Runch Randa (lol, I cringe so much looking back on those days, but who doesn’t when they see things from their past?), but it’s hard to meet people who aren’t also in the industry or who have some weird delusions about what our relationship will be or what I can do for them.

@kantdealwithmarx is the first new friend I’ve made in ages. I want to meet them in person, and wander Seoul’s myriad bookstores, then go for coffee, and spend an afternoon in the park, just walking and talking. It’s a nice daydream, but I’m endlessly worried that if I reveal more about myself then it will ruin the comfortable and open dynamic we have. Producing music and leading BTS are my number one priorities, and will be for the foreseeable future, but I’ve been distracted wondering what this friendship would or could be. Maybe if I could see this person in real life, and know that they exist outside of a 6-inch screen, I could better understand this ambiguous relationship.

You, March 2017

I swallow as my ears pop as the L descends further under Brooklyn, rushing away from Queens, where I live. Ridgewood is lovely, but it is FAR from almost everything people associate with New York City. I commute into Manhattan every day for school and my part-time job, which is with a private catering company. Today, my commute will be even longer as I have to cover some event in Newark. A concert of some kind? I hadn’t heard from @godofdestruction recently, and was irked. But I was still up super late discussing Butler’s theory of gender as performance on the forum. I have no idea how we got on the topic of gender, but it was definitely very involved, as many of the best conversations are. What that meant for today though, was that I was struggling to keep my eyes open. Class flew by in a blur, and before I knew it, I was on my way to Newark with enough food to feed an ARMY. Seriously, how many people were going to be at this event?

I soon found out that it was seven boys (men?) with various shades of pastel hair and bedazzled clothes. I set up the food, and then stood in the corner quietly, while awaiting further instruction. They were all getting their makeup and hair done, so no one was really looking at the food. To be honest, they were all staring at their smartphones, most of which were in cases that cost more than the actual phones. The boy with lavender hair was looking at his phone particularly intently.

While it wasn’t very professional (do not attempt at home), I snuck a glance at my phone and opened the philosophy forum. Since I hadn’t heard from @godofdestruction in a few days, I had an irrational fear that something had happened or I had said something that hadn’t translated well to the internet and that maybe I inadvertently offended him. As if we were on the same wavelength, my phone dinged and his name popped up on my screen.

@godofdestruction: Hey! Hope you’re well! Sorry I’ve been neglectful- I’ve been super busy with work.

I quickly typed back:

@kantdealwithmarx: Whoa, stranger danger. Glad you’re okay. Where does your work have you these days?

He replied almost instantly.

@godofdestruction: Us, strangers? Never. I’m in NYC. Wish I had more time for touristy things though… 🤢

I swear the room stopped moving, and I stared at my phone. We were in the same city? Should I ask him to meet? Right as the wave of anxiety and indecision hit me, a brown-haired boy with the broadest shoulders I’d ever seen came up to the table. I quickly flung my phone to the side. If my boss knew, she would be livid. The boy winked though, and I knew my secret was safe.

“Annyeonghaseo. Hello. Can you tell me about the different food options? I’m thinking of filming a mukbang later…you know? EatJin?”

I honestly did not know EatJin, but I explained the different dishes as clearly as I could, and his smile made me feel like he understood what I was saying. We exchanged a bit of limited small talk, with him laughing and acting like my weird uncle. But for some reason (maybe the shoulders?) I found it less annoying and more endearing. He glanced over my shoulder, and said something I couldn’t understand in rapid fire Korean. I slowly turned around, and then froze.

The purple haired boy was staring at my phone, which I had accidentally left unlocked and on the philosophy chat screen. I quickly grabbed my phone out of his hand as politely as I could and shoved it into my back pocket. I could only hope that he didn’t speak English and had just been acting out of curiosity rather than reading through my personal chats. I apologized profusely, but when I looked up, he was staring at me as though he had seen a ghost. I was frozen to the spot, my face redder than the lasagna on the table. He slowly backed away never taking his eyes off of me, and grabbed his phone. His hands were shaking as he unlocked the phone and slowly turned it around, so that I could see the screen. There were all of our previous messages, and I knew that from this point on things would never be the same for us. I also knew, without a doubt, than you CAN in fact love someone without seeing their face. But it sure doesn’t hurt.

#bts #namjoon #rapmon #namjoon x you #namjoon x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #feminism #non-gendered reader #philosophy

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welcometoerinsworld · 6 years

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HOW LIFE IS GOING:

Life is going better. Things took a nose dive Thursday and Friday, but things are much better now. I was having a really hard time on Friday and posted in a facebook group about it. Didn’t realize someone I knew was in the group and he reached out to me shortly after I posted. I’ve known Josh since I was 15. I dated his best friend Sophomore year and we crossed paths over the next several years, but I haven’t seen him since sometime around 2005-2006, maybe earlier. It’s been a very long time. But, he reached out and we ended up talking for about four hours (!) and I felt a lot better by the end of it. We’ve talked several times this weekend and it’s been really nice.

WHAT I LOVED ABOUT THE LAST WEEK:

That it’s over? lol. Last week was an interesting week, but it did have some highlights. I really enjoyed reconnecting with Josh and finding out more about what’s going on in his life.

OH! And, then, on Saturday, Josh was messaging me about pizza places in the area. He served part of his mission in Salem and was talking about visiting sometime and I figured he was just wanting to know about good places to eat when he visits. Nope. His questions got very pointed and I eventually asked him what was up with all the weird questions about pizza. His response? “I’m ordering you a pizza. Get over it.” It was so sweet and so kind.

WHAT I DID THIS WEEKEND:

Yesterday I prepared my lesson for today, did a bunch of homework, went for a walk, and talked on the phone a little bit with Josh. Today I got up early to finish my lesson, went through a bunch of photos from when I went home for Christmas a few years ago, went to church, came home, and have been relaxing all afternoon. It’s been nice. I spent some time reading The Count of Monte Cristo outside, which was so wonderful. I miss reading books outside in the sun. Hooray for it finally being warm with no rain!

I also recorded a video talking about the differences between the movie version and book version of The Count of Monte Cristo, but I didn’t post it on youtube. It’s such a dumb video. I was being all weird and going all over the place with it. Probably should have written a few ideas out before making the video. I’ll have to do it again sometime. lol. I keep meaning to record videos, but my life is so boring.

WHAT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO:

School being over. lol. I’m also looking forward to going home for my family reunion, but I don’t know if that will happen yet. My boss hasn’t given me an answer on my vacation request, so I have no idea whether I will be able to go or not. I really hope I can. I miss my family. And I haven’t been to my family reunion since 2014. It’s been a long time. I miss camping and hanging out with my family out on the mountain. Pray, cross your fingers, sacrifice spiders, do pagan dance rituals, whatever you have to do. lol. I really want to go home.

These are some photos of the last time I was at the reunion:

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PLANS FOR THE UPCOMING WEEK:

No major plans this week. I took an extra shift on Saturday morning and am babysitting Saturday night, so those are about the only ‘out of the ordinary’ events I have planned. I should probably set aside some time to make a Mother’s Day gift for my mom. haha. I didn’t realize it was next week. I do have a gift that my sister and I went in on together, but I like to do something handmade, too, when I can.

WHAT I’M NERVOUS ABOUT:

Actually, I’m not too nervous about anything at the moment. Tomorrow the panic about midterms will probably hit, but right now I’m more even keel about life and don’t really feel nervous or stressed about anything.

WHAT I’VE BEEN DAYDREAMING ABOUT:

Stuff. lol. I’ve been daydreaming about things I’d like to do this summer, places I’d like to go, and people I’d like to hand out with.

HOW SCHOOL IS GOING:

I cannot wait for school to end. Seriously. This term hasn’t been super hard, but I’m just mentally not in it. Normally the “I can’t do this anymore” doesn’t hit until around Week 6, but it hit during Week 2 this time, so this term has been a struggle. It’s midterms this week, so it’s going to be brutal. *sigh*

As far as grades go, I still have all A’s, so at least I have that going for me. I’m pretty sure midterms will drop two of those down to B’s, but we’ll see. Maybe I’ll remember more than I think I do on the tests.

HOW WORK IS GOING:

Work is going okay. Thursday was a bit on the crazy side. Kid 2 did just fine, which was nice. There were a few moments that were borderline behavior that I chose not to mark as behaviors because Kid 2 initially say no, but then did what I asked. The behavior notes say there has to be a request made three times before it is considered a behavior and Kid 2 complied on the third request, so it got close, but didn’t actually hit behavior. The crazy part was the extra shift I took Thursday night.

Have you ever wrestled a table? Well, I can now say I have. This kid decided to get underneath a table (after running around the clinic with me chasing after) and I couldn’t tell if the kid was trying to flip the table or walk around with the table on top or what, but I was all sprawled out holding the table in place with the kid underneath pushing it and tipping it periodically. I have some bruises on my knees and shins from that enjoyable activity. Once that kid get out of the behavior, though, it wasn’t too bad. Lots of questions and such, but no more running and doing weird stuff with a table.

Sadly, binders are back in preschool. Drat. Apparently that rotating supervisor didn’t have the authority to do away with binders, so they’re back. BUT, the good news is that the format has changed. Instead of spending FOREVER going through these super long preschool binders, we pick four pages a day and just do those. So, it’s peer play, group singing, book, four pages from the binder, and craft. Not too bad. We’re all a bit bummed binders are back, but we’re all soooo happy that it’s just partial binders. Hooray!

The super depressing news, though, is that Kid 2 is moving to another state in a month or so, so I’ll have to be assigned to a new kid. Not sure who they’ll assign me to yet, but I’m not super happy about it. Kid 2 and I have a great bond and working with this kid is the only reason I haven’t quit a few times over the last two months. I was seriously going to quit and never go back after that crap went down with my coworker, but I love working with this kid so much that I decided to stick it out and stay. Things have gotten ‘better’ with that coworker, but I may still leave after Kid 2 leaves. I guess I have a lot to think about.

HOW RUNNING IS GOING:

Running is not going very well. lol. I got back out on Tuesday, but the last mile was brutal. Instead of it just being my lower leg and foot hurting, it was all the way from my hip to my foot. I almost called someone to come pick me up and take me home, but didn’t want to bother anyone, so I just limped myself home. Kept wanting to go walk again on Wednesday and Thursday, but decided to take those two days off. Friday, well, Friday was a bust all over the place and I didn’t get out. Saturday, though, I got back out and walked slower. Got my whole route in, but made sure to just go at a leisurely pace and not even try to speed up. I may have to stick with that for the time being to get my leg used to doing this much distance. Feels so lame to have to go slow, but oh well. It happens.

That first little blip on Tuesday was when I first headed out, but then realized I’d left the oven on with lasagna in there, so I had to turn around and turn the oven off. lol. Kinda wonder if that had something to do with my leg hurting later.

WHAT BOOK I’M READING:

Well, I didn’t get a lot of reading in last week, but I did get one chapter read. lol. I read a chapter of Ghosts of War by Brad Taylor. Went to the park by my work to read it and had a lovely time. Then school kinda blew up and I didn’t feel like I had the time to read first and then do homework, so I went straight home from work Wednesday and Thursday. Didn’t have time to read after that. I’ll try again this week, but maybe not right after work. I think this week I’ll come home, do homework, and then take a break to read for half an hour during the evening.

GOALS FOR THIS WEEK:

Reached some of my goals, but not all of them. That’s okay, though. None of these really have a deadline, so I’ll just keep these the same as before.

Fitness

Slowly increase walking pace while maintaining a distance of at least 3.1 miles

School

Get a little ahead with homework

Work

Get Kid 2 to the bathroom more often

Personal

Read at least one chapter of a non-school book

Religious

Be more consistent at reading my scriptures

HOW I DID ON LAST WEEK’S GOALS:

Fitness

Slowly increase walking pace while maintaining a distance of at least 3.1 miles

Kinda did this, kinda didn’t. I maintained my distance, but didn’t increase my pace at all. I actually went much slower with my pace. Oh well. At least I have my distance down.

School

Keep on track with being a little ahead with homework

This did not happen. Again. I mean, I got my homework done, but I’m nowhere near getting ahead. I still have homework that’s due tomorrow left to do and then it’s on the this week’s regular homework. It should be okay, though. It’s midterms, so things will be crazy, but the midterms are timed, which means I don’t have to spend hours and hours trying to get an assignment done. Thank goodness for that. So there’s hope for at least getting everything done by Saturday night.

Work

Get Kid 2 to the bathroom more often

This one actually worked out pretty well. Kid 2 stopped saying “Don’t touch me,” so that was nice. Went to the bathroom each time without issue and Kid 2 even used the toilet with Kayla on Tuesday!!! Hooray! We’re all pretty excited about that. Kid 2 has been doing a lot better about going into the bathroom, so that has made getting to the bathroom more often easier. I’ve been using my ipad and flipping through pictures or showing short videos, which seems to help a lot. I’ll keep up with this and hopefully by the time Kid 2 moves, this will be much, much better.

Personal

Read at least one chapter of a non-school book

Yes! I did get one chapter read of a non-school book! I’m so excited about that! lol

Religious

Be more consistent at reading my scriptures

I switched this up a bit and have been listening to my scriptures while getting ready for work in the morning. It’s nice and seems to make the day flow a bit better.

ISSUES/PROBLEMS/CONCERNS:

Just the usual: having enough time to get what I need to do done this week. I have a 7am staff meeting tomorrow, which I haaaaaaaaaate, but after that I should be able to finish my Quality Management assignment before the end of the day. My hope is to get started on my psychology assignment Monday evening, but I don’t think that will happen. My QM stuff always takes way longer than I think it will, but who knows. I’ve already listened to my hour-long lecture and done some of the prep work. Hopefully it won’t take more than 7 hours to finish. Cross your fingers for me.

WHAT ELSE IS NEW:

Nothing I can really think of.

So, I guess that’s everything. Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

5 Minute Life Update 5/6/18 HOW LIFE IS GOING: Life is going better. Things took a nose dive Thursday and Friday, but things are much better now.

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