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snowe-zolynn-rogers · 3 years

Text

Pairings: Romantic Romile (Roman x Emile), Romantic Prandy (Andy x Pryce), Romantic Anxtober (October x Virgil), Romantic Intrulosleepceit (Remus x Logan x Remy x Deceit)

Word Count: 2,170 Words

Summary: Flirting with Social Anxiety, kitten updates, the kids talk functions, an elusive cryptid sighting, and the video call feature is figured out.

Warnings: Caps, Food Mention, Insomnia Mention, Depression Mention, Demon Mention, Body Horror Mention, Cursing, Death Mention, Sick Character, Immunocompromised Character, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Note: Bolded and blockquoted are actions in their chatroom, not a message. Italic and blockquoted are transcripts of video calls.

Usernames, a quick translation guide: Andy: Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero), Belladonna: hazelnut, Castor: schrodingersdumbass, Dayd: carniverousroomba, Dice: Dr. Bitch, Emile: Thera-pissed, Eve: wall-e, Halley: aspermylastemail, Janus: SnekBoi, Logan: Momgan, Noah: nope, October: eatpavementido, Orion: birdgeoisie, Patton: Papa Bear, Pollux: satantakemehome, Pryce: SwEeTvErUcA, Remus: Octopussy, Remy: Coffee Bandit, Roman: waaahluigi, Sirius: literalsunshine, Teal: uwu, Thomas: shrexy, Virgil: spipples, Vita: þiccness

A Very Sanders Group Chat: Chapter 12

3:07 PM

shrexy: You know guys, it'd be nice if you quit for a bit.

spipples: We're right next to you, dammit. Just talk to us.

waaahluigi: Guys, he's looking at Thomas.

Dr. Bitch: You know what? I won't even ask.

4:57 PM

Coffee Bandit: I think they're trying to lie again or something.

Octopussy: Not Jan this time.

Momgan: We know, Remus.

Octopussy: Well, if I don't make note of it, who's going to prove that Jan wasn't involved?

Coffee Bandit: He's not wrong, Lo. Every time Thomas lies, Jan is implicated as the cause, even when he's not there.

Momgan: I hate that you aren't wrong.

7:12 PM

Thera-pissed: Sooooo. New boyfriend?

waaahluigi: THOMAS HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND!

spipples: We know, Roman. We're all a part of the same human. We all know this.

waaahluigi: I know but I'm just so happy about it!

spipples: And we all support you, Ro.

10:17 PM

þiccness: I have stolen the other girls, we're going to an underage club and coming back by 2am.

Thera-pissed: Just make sure you check Eve's glucose before you let her eat because she'll forget to check.

þiccness: will be done, Pops.

3:16 PM

shrexy: What ever happened to those kittens, Remus?

Octopussy: oh yeah. never updated anyone but Jan. they're all healthy again. all twenty six. Dice adopted one, it's name is Domino.

Octopussy: and we adopted five. Their names are Morticia, Elvira, Achilles, Patroclus, and Tootsie Pop.

shrexy: Who named the last one?

hazelnut: that would be me

Octopussy: Tootsie Pop is her cat. Morticia and Elvira are Jan's, Achilles and Patroclus are mine.

shrexy: So that's six. That still leaves twenty cats unaccounted for.

spipples: This would be where I come in and tell you I adopted ten of them, isn't it? Because I did I'm constantly swarmed with five month old kittens.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): He gave them all dumb names.

spipples: Sir, those are my furry children you're insulting.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Ah yes, my fuzzy nieces and nephews with stupid names.

spipples: How dare you insult Toast, Meatball, Cheddar, Porkchop, Bagel, Bacon, Muffin, Twinkie, Tofu, and Tortilla.

shrexy: You really went with a food theme, huh?

spipples: To be fair, nobody stopped me.

shrexy: I'll be honest, the idea of naming a cat Bagel is hilarious.

spipples: To be fair, Bagel has no braincell so he's perfectly dumb and content in life.

waaahluigi: I also have three cats. Princess, Queen, and Duchess.

shrexy: So did the other seven get adopted?

Coffee Bandit: Yup, mine and Toby's. I have six, he has one. Remington, Remulus, Remy the Second, Rema, and Remingtina.

eatpavementido: Mine is named Pumpkin. I don't know what these guys are on.

8:45 PM

Momgan: Janus, Remus, I'm coming over for date night.

Coffee Bandit: Hold on, I'm omw.

Octopussy: It's poly cuddle pile time!

1:13 AM

hazelnut: So all of my parents are adorable.

hazelnut: polycuddlepile.jpg

hazelnut: I love my parents.

Papa Bear: They're so cute, kiddo! But you should get some sleep.

hazelnut: My function is Dreams I sleep during the day?

Papa Bear: Ah, carry on then, kiddo.

þiccness: Hi, I'm Nightmares.

shrexy: Wait, you kids have functions?

eatpavementido: more like fragments of a function.

satantakemehome: I'm Insomnia, Castor is Depression, Sirius is Insecurity, Halley is Courage, and Orion is Apathy.

wall-e: Me and Noah are the only figments that are also fragments. I act as Responsibility and Noah acts as Empathy.

shrexy: Huh. Never really thought about that but I guess I see it.

shrexy: shadowdemon.jpg

shrexy: angeltheshadowdemon.jpg

shrexy: virgilsnugglingme.jpg

shrexy: Help, I've been taken hostage as a cuddle victim.

eatpavementido: Perish.

9:58 AM

shrexy: virgilisstillhere.jpg

shrexy: Is it legal to move, fellas?

eatpavementido: I'll come help. Damn, my boyfriend's really choosing his human over his boyfriend.

shrexy: I promise I'm not stealing your man.

eatpavementido: Good, I'd punch you if you did.

shrexy: tobynowtrappedbyvirgil.jpg

shrexy: I'm free!

eatpavementido: I love being trapped by my boyfriend.

Thera-pissed: Don't worry, I get trapped by Roman a lot too.

waaahluigi: Hey!

Thera-pissed: Am I lying?

waaahluigi: No but you make it sound like I'm clingy.

Thera-pissed: Yes, but your clinginess is cute.

waaahluigi: Alright, you may continue.

eatpavementido: Ah yes, the triplets are stage 5 clingers. Gotta love it when all three idenntical idiots are touch starved.

SwEeTvErUcA: I will rip out your incisors.

waaahluigi: I will feed you your own teeth.

Octopussy: I will make you spit out your teeth one by one like a PEZ dispenser.

Dr. Bitch: Good to see the triplets getting along.

eatpavementido: You can't kill me! I have the power of my boyfriend and anime on my side!

Dr. Bitch: Did he just call Virgil god?

eatpavementido: Am I wrong? No.

Dr. Bitch: Alright, carry on.

9:14 AM

shrexy: Wow, y'all. Did anyone else realize you could make a chat-wide call?

shrexy has started a video call

shrexy has invited everyone to the video call

waaahluigi has accepted shrexy's invite

SnekBoi has declined shrexy's invite

Octopussy has declined shrexy's invite

Coffee Bandit has declined shrexy's invite

Momgan has accepted shrexy's invite

eatpavementido has accepted shrexy's invite

Papa Bear has accepted shexy's invite

Transcript

"Hey, guys!" - shrexy]

"Hey, Thomas." -eatpavementido

"Is Virgil asleep on you?" -shrexy

"Yes." - eatpavementido

"Aww. Guess we've gotta be quiet." - Papa Bear

"Nah. Legit, Pollux just busted in the room and yelled that Castor was chasing him and he's still sleeping." - eatpavementido

"Shit, shit, shit. He's up. I must have moved." - eatpavementido

"Toby, what the fuck? Are you recording me? I look like a mess. Quit it." - unknown

"It's a video call with the group chat." - eatpavementido

"Turn it off." - unknown

"It's okay, Virgil, you look cute." - Papa Bear

"Gimme that." - unknown

"Make me." - eatpavementido

"Alright." - unknown

eatpavementido has left the video call

shrexy has ended the video call

shrexy: RIP Toby.

Papa Bear: @spipples Kiddo, please don't kill your boyfriend?

spipples: Only a little bit?

Papa Bear: Not even a little bit.

spipples: Suck the fun out of life, why don't you?

eatpavementido: Don't make it sound like I wouldn't let him kill me if he chose.

waaahluigi: Live by the boyfriend. Die by the boyfriend.

eatpavementido: Precisely

shrexy: Anyone gonna make note of the fact that Janus, Remus, and Remy all declined the video call?

Momgan: They're busy. I figured at least one of us from our relationship should join so I actually went to a quieter bar in the imagination,

shrexy: Should I even ask what kind of busy?

Momgan: You can if you want.

shrexy: Though I feel like I'll regret this, what kind of busy?

Momgan: Janus is upstairs sleeping, Bela is practicing her crochet, Remus is grooming Boogeyman and Espresso, and Remy is taking care of his new piercing. I was planning out my week's schedule around theirs so I could visit.

shrexy: Sorry to interrupt you, bud.

Momgan: No, it's fine. I needed a break anyway.

waaahluigi: Was Deceit sleeping all day yesterday too?

Momgan: What are you implying?

waaahluigi: That he's avoiding me.

Momgan: Alright, you thickheaded, self-deluded bastard. I get that you two aren't getting along. I don't care, quite frankly. Hate each other's guts for all I care. You two having problems with one another isn't my problem. But Janus isn't avoiding you, he's finally receptive to the second part of his treatments and he's finally getting better.

SnekBoi: Logan, don't fight my fights.

Momgan: Sorry, sweetheart. I'm on my way back, I'll come up to you first and we can talk it over.

SnekBoi: It's okay.

SnekBoi: And you @waaahluigi, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry that I lashed out at you and I'm sorry I compared you to Remus, it was wrong of me and you didn't deserve that.

waaahluigi: Oh look, everyone. After three months he finally apologizes!

SnekBoi: I haven't made effort to contact you in the last three months because I didn't contact anyone in the last three months other than Dice and a few nurses. I willingly gave my phone to hospital lock up so I could be just a little less stressed while going through the hardest parts of my treatment for the third time in six months and so that maybe, just maybe, I could get through the consolidation and I finally did it. So I'm sorry my apology to you is so late, oh great one, but I was a bit busy getting medically cleared with remission so I could finally go home.

waaahluigi: oh

SnekBoi: But, since I'm taking the moral high ground, you don't need to apologize and you don't need to feel bad about assuming things. I disappeared and I never talked it out with you because my admission was so sudden and the recommendation of detachment was a spur of the moment decision that only benefited me. I'm finally home and I actually was sleeping all of yesterday. I'm not about to get in fights right now because I'm too happy to be in my own bed again and getting to hold my own daughter and boyfriends again.

waaahluigi: I'm still sorry.

SnekBoi: Accepted.

spipples: Does this mean I have to stop being bitter about you two not getting along?

SnekBoi: No, but it would be appreciated.

spipples: Aight, bet. I'll forcefully make us three best friends.

shrexy: aren't all three of you mothers?

SnekBoi: Alright, this. I never really realized this. And, now that it's been brought to my attention, the first order of business is stealing you two, Bela, and your kids and going to the new tea place in Laurel for late Mother's day. I've been waiting to go since Sharon got herself fired from there and they have the best ginger and honey tea.

waaahluigi: Sharon?

SnekBoi: Yeah, she makes fun of me for being a teen mother every time I see her.

Octopussy: I've punched her once. didn't stop her.

waaahluigi: I know, she did that to me too. I told her she shouldn't say rude things to someone who could and would unmake her.

spipples: Same here except she made fun of me the whole time I was pregnant with the triplets until I just straight up punched her.

shrexy: I guess being decked by a heavily pregnant 15 year old sets you off of making fun of them, huh?

spipples: Heavily pregnant 15 year old with the ability to conjure shadows.

shrexy: You scare me. Keep those shadows to yourself.

SnekBoi: I may need to wear a mask and book a table beforehand to make sure the room is private until I'm in the complete clear with the chemo still making my immune system absolute shit.

waaahluigi: Plus the fact that our kids make a solid soccer team so we'll need a bit of a biggger table.

SnekBoi: Yeah, that too.

spipples: Thanks for remembering my soccer team, guys.

SnekBoi: You're very welcome.

spipples: That was sarcastic.

SnekBoi: I know, I felt it.

spipples: You're insufferable, I love it.

12:45 PM

spipples: Hey, @SnekBoi, you guttertrash bitch, do you have a migraine yea or nay?

SnekBoi: Kind of. I'm working off one but I took my meds so it should be gone soon enough.

spipples: Noted, no doorbell or knocking.

SnekBoi: Wait, what??

spipples: Answer your fucking door then and find out.

SnekBoi: Gremlin.

1:05 PM

waaahluigi: So what'd he do?

SnekBoi: Brought over lunch for me since all my boyfriends are working and Bela is at school.

spipples: He cried.

SnekBoi: Shut up or I will end you.

Octopussy: Anything good?

spipples: Yes, I have the spare containers for you in the fridge when you come home and, yes, it's edible for you too if that's what you're asking.

Octopussy: ooooh, what is it?

spipples: spaghetti squash with tomato sauce, veggie curry, and ham and egg roll ups. There's also a few casseroles in disposable pans in the freezer that you can heat up in 45 minutes each.

Octopussy: I love you.

SnekBoi: be real with him, V, you brought over like two weeks of casseroles. You're just lucky we have a really big freezer.

spipples: Yeah, a really big, empty freezer.

Octopussy: I was gonna go shopping literally in two days on Wednesday when I'm off.

SnekBoi: loaded cauliflower, zucchini au gratin, loaded brussels sprouts, rice cheese and zucchini, green bean, eggplant lasagna, chicken cordon bleu, chicken broccoli cheese, cabbage rolls, chicken & mushroom, tofu caprese, crack chicken, brown rice cheese and tomatoes, and chicken bacon thyme.

Octopussy: hey Virge

spipples: yeah?

Octopussy: love ya

spipples: Thank you. I'm also babysitting your boyfriend until someone comes home because this weak bastard bruised his wrist and almost fell over opening the front door.

SnekBoi: I'm not a baby but I won't make you leave because I'm tired and I don't want Boogey to have to get me things or help me around.

Octopussy: stubborn bastard. love you. thanks V.

spipples: No problem.

Taglist: @glaxyjellyfish @chronophobica @fear-ze-queer @imma-potatoo

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snowe-zolynn-rogers · 4 years

Text

Pairings: Romantic Romile (Roman x Emile), Romantic Prandy (Andy x Pryce), Romantic Anxtober (October x Virgil), Romantic Intrulosleepceit (Remus x Logan x Remy x Deceit)

Word Count: 1135 Words

Summary: Deceit's hair, Putting Others First, and poly cuddle piles.

Warnings: Sex Mentions, Cursing, Cancer Mention, Sick Character, Immunocompromised Character, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Note: Bolded and blockquoted are actions in their chatroom, not a message.

A Very Sanders Group Chat: Chapter 11

8:34 AM

SnekBoi: Remus, come to me room. Right now.

Octopussy is now online

Octopussy is now offline

Momgan: What happened, darling?

SnekBoi: My hair again.

Coffee Bandit: It's just hair, babe.

SnekBoi: I know but this means it'll be an even longer time before I can feel normal again.

Coffee Bandit: Normal's overrated, babe. Let's be weird together.

SnekBoi: Remus get the clippers.

spipples: Wait you're not going to

SnekBoi: I can control this. This is the one thing I can control this time.

Octopussy: I'm keeping it, emo, don't worry.

spipples: This doesn't worry me any less.

9:04 AM

Octopussy: twinsies.jpg

Momgan: So you shaved your head with him?

Octopussy: yup! I did this last time too and so DeeDee didn't have to be bald alone.

Momgan: Even the white?

Octopussy: well, it'll all grow back white anyway so why not.

Momgan: As long as you both are happy with it.

Octopussy: Dee's not happy about it, he loves his hair, but this is better for him than slowly losing hair every night.

Octopussy: plus now he gets to rock his old wigs without maybe pulling out hair.

Coffee Bandit: Yup, both of 'em still look cute.

12:12 PM

Octopussy: @SnekBoi sugarbutt, I'm going on a quest with Virgie-poo. if you need anything, Logan is off today and Remy's off too.

spipples: I'm unwilling please help me.

SnekBoi: Have fun you two. I'll be fine. I'm even starting to feel better.

Octopussy: that's good, honey. I love you! I'll see you tonight, promise!

Octopussy and spipples are now offline

5:20 PM

Momgan: Be careful. Please.

SnekBoi: I am. I'm fine.

Thera-pissed: I have a feeling I'm going to have several mental health appointments scheduled this week.

Coffee Bandit: You probably will, yeah.

Thera-pissed: Not surprising. Usually I get to schedule more appointments after these big discussion talks.

6:14 PM

SnekBoi: I guess I'm now known by name.

shexy: And I couldn't be prouder to have you onboard, Janus.

Momgan: Were you non-strenuous on your body?

SnekBoi: I'm considerably drained but I'm lying down so I shouldn't have any fall risk right now. Boogeyman is guarding me very well and retrieving anything I need but I'm probably just going to go to sleep.

Coffee Bandit: Please be careful with yourself, babykins.

SnekBoi: I'm careful, just tired and achey. I'll sleep and then I'll feel better, promise.

Momgan: Get some sleep, dear.

Coffee Bandit: I'll come over and stay with you if you can't sleep alone.

Momgan: If I may, I'd like to extend the offer to myself as well.

SnekBoi: Get over here then, you nerdy puffballs.

Momgan and Coffee Bandit are now offline

SnekBoi: Ah yes, to have two of three boyfriends smother me into oblivion. I can't wait.

6:30 PM

SwEeTvErUcA: Will someone explain why my little brother refuses to leave his room?

Thera-pissed: He and I have made an agreement that he not interact with others until his scheduled therapy session tomorrow morning. After then, he's all yours unless something has gone wrong with his stress levels and he happens to endanger his health.

SwEeTvErUcA: Cryptic, why's my brother's boyfriend being so cryptic? What are you two hiding from everyone?

Thera-pissed: Because I, despite being your brother's boyfriend, will be completely professional when it comes to his mental health and me and my patient have a strict contract of what others outside of the sessions can and cannot know, his current status, the one I believe you're questioning my knowledge of, being one of them.

SwEeTvErUcA: This answers none of my questions but fair enough.

SwEeTvErUcA: Hey, at the appointment, make sure you tell the little bastard I love him.

Thera-pissed: Of course.

9:45 PM

spipples: Wow, I leave for like 9 hours. The fuck, guys?

literalsunshine: Alright, so Auntie Jan and Auntie Roman are mad at each other, Grandpa Patton is happy but not about either of them, he's happy about Thomas. Auntie Jan finally got Thomas to trust him and Roman seemed really sad so I think Thomas is mad at him or something.

spipples: I have the urge to hit my head into a wall again.

literalsunshine: Mom, please don't.

spipples: I know.

literalsunshine: Take a shower, we can watch a movie together in your room.

spipples: Done deal.

spipples is now offline

11:55 PM

nope: so I guess we're not telling him tonight.

literalsunshine: not after this morning.

nope: I'm sure it's not his, though, Siri.

literalsunshine: And I'm sure it is, Noah.

þiccness: Can you two not be cryptic? Everyone is so cryptic today.

literalsunshine: No.

nope: absolutely not.

þiccness: I hate you both.

literalsunshine: Anyway, we can wait a bit longer to tell him, anyway. Or I guess, I'd like to wait just a bit longer.

nope: I guess it couldn't hurt to wait a little longer. Just know that mine are getting suspicious so we might want to figure it out soon.

literalsunshine: I know, it's just yours has less drama than mine, Noah.

nope: I know, babe. Want me to come cuddle?

literalsunshine: Please.

hazelnut: I can't wait until everyone in here is honest with each other.

shrexy: Says the one I only know by username.

hazelnut: Oh easy, Belladonna Hazel Sanders, my mother and father are functions of yours. You don't know me because the only adults that know of my existence besides my school in this big ol' brain box of yours is my two Aunties and my new step-dads.

shrexy: Well, hello, Belladonna.

hazelnut: I like Bela, by the way.

shrexy: Bela.

shrexy: Bela, by chance are your mother and father Remus and Janus?

hazelnut: Oh hey, first time, right guess. Never had that happen before. Everyone always switches me and Vita's parents because we both act a lot like each other's parent.

shrexy: Soooo yeah?

hazelnut: Yep. Remus is my dad and Janus is my mom.

shrexy: I thought Janus said he and Remus were never romantic before?

hazelnut: I do not control whose womb I arose from, Thommy, all I know is that's the one that housed me for like seven months. Also, he never said anything about being together in the past.

shrexy: Bela, it's nine months.

hazelnut: Nah, mom got sick while pregnant so he had me early so he could start chemo.

shrexy: Ah, makes sense.

hazelnut: Oh yeah, look how cute they are.

hazelnut: polyamorouscuddlepile.jpg

shrexy: Awwww. Like a box of kittens.

hazelnut: I'm just glad they're happy. Mom and Dad are emotionally constipated idiots who couldn't figure out for 14 years how to confess that they like each other as more than just friends-with-benefits.

shrexy: You know what? I believe it.

spipples: Ah yes, the specific brand of chaotic dumbass that is Remus and Janus is unrivalled by any other besides possibly Vita.

Taglist: @glaxyjellyfish @chronophobica @fear-ze-queer @imma-potatoo

#sanders sides #sympathetic deceit #immunocompromised deceit #immunocompromised janus #deceit sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #remy sanders #virgil sanders #emile picani #thomas sanders #pryce sanders #snoweywrites #a very sanders group chat #tw cursing #tw sex mention #tw innuendo mention

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