#brown people problems

[amomentwiser]

"Why don't you spend time with us?" they say, "Keep your phone away at the table."

Parents say they want to talk — until it's about anything real.

They don't want to know about how their plans for your future make you feel.

They don't want to know your fears, hopes or dreams.

The things you're interested in — your favourite music, games and movies;

Or the things you've come to believe.

Sometimes it feels like parents don't want to get to know you as a person. They only see you in relation to themselves.

Or sometimes they do talk about music and games and movies, and it's even worse — because the conversations you want to have are serious.

And it's worse because it becomes very clear, that they don't want to have conversations that matter. That, god forbid, make them feel.

They want to avoid talking about all the times they yelled at you. No apology, no acknowledgement. Just glaze over those parts and pretend everything's normal. Neither guilt nor remorse.

And you're left wondering whether this thing you have a memory of actually happened, because everyone is acting like it didn't. And whether your anger is warranted, because everyone is acting like it isn't.

An unspoken decision: "Yes, we were harsh earlier, but we felt bad and are being nice now"

The implied demand: "...so be grateful,"

The undercurrent of a threat: "...or I'll get angry again."

And a push to move on: "Why do you bear grudges? Leave the past in the past."

All these little clues, that you learn to read in their body language and their eyes and their vibe.

And then they balk when you don't call them. Or jump at the chance to spend time with them — or even have a relationship.

It's weird, loving people you don't like. That you'd never choose of your own volition; that you'd never be friends had you met in the real world. People you're indebted to anyway, because they took care of you your whole life and changed your diapers and drove you to school, and what friend would ever do that?

Had they been overly abusive I would've cut them off without guilt; if I didn't know that despite it all, they really did love me, I wouldn't have cared about hurting their feelings.

Some people... you love them only because they are family. If they were a boyfriend, I would've broken up with them; if they were a spouse I would've divorced them. Alas, they are my parents, and I'm destined to love them. To give up a kidney for them if need be, but not any days out of my workweek.

I don't have these conversations with my family because I've come to realise that this is something they're not emotionally equipped to handle. Too much self-awareness would bring out memories not only of the mistakes they made with me, but also all the times adults in their childhood failed them; of all the ways they themselves were wronged; all the years they wasted because of choices they didn't know they had; and all the things they wish they'd done differently. So I understand; the flood of anger and regrets it brings to the surface must be draining.

But that also means that I'll distance myself from them, because for me, their misunderstood love is draining. And because this has to stop somewhere; someone has to start choosing differently — and I've decided it'll be me.

[dal-chawal]

ab bass bohot hua, sanyaas lene ki baari agai hai.

[xavixax]

Okay but imagine..... Garam garam Maggie date in baarish... Like uff ✨

[lostbbygorl]

you know we always talk abt how annoying and mean spirited brown aunties commonly are, but nobody ever talks abt the cool aunties.

Shoutout to the cool aunties and to my fave aunties who treat you and think of u like their own child and just dont judge. yall are the best

[acelessthan3]

That Band-Aid might be flesh colored to you, but to me, a melanated person

[shittyarsonist]

it literally takes me a moment to go from manic pixie dream girl to PANIC pixie dream girl

[bartistic]

tim, drunk and coerced into a game of two truths and a lie with jason, dick, and steph: okay ummmm i— haha. i have the highest body count in the family, Lobo has a contract out on me and… PFFT i’m dating a guy

jason, also drunk: well the gay thing isn’t news but i call bullshit on the body count, you’re like 15. the fuck did you do to get Lobo after you?

steph, the only sober one, eager to sow chaos: oh Lobo would never kill Tim, they’re buddies. they’re going out for disc golf on saturday.

dick, possibly the drunkest: tim. tim what do you mean you’ve got a body count higher than B’s. our father is a slut.

tim: nonono Bruce doesn’t kill :( that’s his Ruleeee

jason: TIMMERS. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’VE GOT A BODY COUNT.

tim: ahahaha do you guys have any idea how many assassins i’ve blown up?

steph: TIM. WHAT

tim: [cartoon explosion noises]….KERPLOOEY

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

putting my prediction on record now that the coming decade is going to see the rise of viral-marketed fancy at-home water filtration systems, driving and driven by a drastic reduction in the quality of U.S. tap water (given that we are in a 'replacement era' where our current infrastructure is reaching the end of its lifespan--but isn't being replaced). also guessing that by the 2030s access to drinkable tap water will be a mainstream class issue, with low-income & unstably housed people increasingly forced to rely on expensive bottled water when they can't afford the up-front cost of at-home filtration--and with this being portrayed in media as a "moral failing" and short-sighted "choice," rather than a basic failure of our political & economic systems. really hope i'm just being alarmist, but plenty of this already happens in other countries, and the U.S. is in a state of decline, so. here's praying this post ages into irrelevance. timestamped April 2023

[0subtle0]

Ek harmless tumblr crush वार्तालाप karne ko to main bhi deserve karta hun ...

[brw]

"but hamas is getting funded by extremist islamic hate groups!" do you think the U.S. government and military giving funding for israeli's war efforts against palestinians is a morally neutral and inherently righteous body that had no influence in the politics of southwest asia as a global colonial superpower. do you really think anything you can say about the people resisting oppression can't be said about the oppressors.

[amomentwiser]

We need to stop acting like people -- women especially -- going through painful procedures is normal.

"Beauty is pain" is such bullshit. I've been told that was something I had to get used to, what with being a little girl and all. As if "beauty" has a single definition. We decide what the definition of "beauty" is, and I've decided that body hair is included in that definition. I say this because today someone, once again, commented on the fact I don't shave at my ripe old age of 21. ("You'd look so much prettier if you did just this one little thing," they say, referring to the act of putting hot wax on one's skin and ripping it off.)

Hurting ourselves over constantly-changing beauty standards is so normalised, and I fucking hate it. It makes me so angry I want to cry, and then tell every teenager who hates themself right now to please stop. To take them in my arms, and shield them from a world hell-bent on skewing their perception of what a human looks like. I want to protect them and never let them see those toxic "how to surprise your boyfriend for Valentine's Day *wink* " or "how to prep for hot girl summer" articles.

When I first found out what a Brazilian wax was, I was horrified. I couldn't believe people voluntarily did this to themselves.

But they -- the media and the magazines and the beauty industry -- do such a good job of conditioning you to believe that your body is dirty, that thick hair is something to be ashamed of, that that horror has been replaced by a new one -- the fear that no one will ever love me, or find me attractive, if I do not conform.

We've been taught our body hair is bad since SUCH a young age. Fuck, as an Indian, I was even taught darker skin is bad. Bleaching skin is SO common in India; the fairness cream ads are utterly shameless and ubiquitous. My mother casually talks about how she went for skin bleaching before her wedding -- part of the "bridal makeup", I suppose. In a country of dark-skinned, hairy people, we look to blonde, fair-skninned Hollywood stars for guidance. And OF COURSE we fall short. Beauty standards like that were never meant for us; in idolising them we set ourselves up to fail.

Does anyone else see how insidious and sinister this plot is? To start conditioning people to hate themselves right when they are babies -- through their mothers who hate their own bodies and pass these insecurities on; through main characters in TV shows and books who are only ever one kind of pretty; via movies where the 'unattractive, unpopular teen' turns sterotypically beautiful, and only then becomes 'cool' or worthy of love; through magazines geared to audiences as young as twelve, telling them to alter their appearance in order to be deemed desirable.

What a masterstroke:

To inextricably connect beauty with lovability, so that our fear of not having good enough hair, skin or makeup turns into a fear of being unlovable.

The former they mock -- "women take so long to get ready!" "Heather cares too much about her makeup" -- while the existence of the latter is normalised or ignored: "Everyone has insecurities. Everyone hates their body." Yeah, WHY? It doesn't need to be that way.

They make people believe the pain is worth it. They give the illusion that you have a choice, that you've made this decision -- to get that brazilian wax or boob lift or nose job -- but you've been led here all your life. They make us believe that the pain is a worth it, a stepping stone to get something far more valuable -- others' love and approval. You've been influenced to believe certain things are desirable. You've been taught your natural existence, isn't. Does this count as acting under your own volition if you've been born into a world that's been pressuring you, in direct and subliminal ways, since the day you were born?

The pain is not worth it, and I will not let them make me torture myself. I do not exist for their aesthetic pleasure. I exist to experience the earth and what it is like to be a human, to eat food and watch sunsets and frolic in the grass and hug friends.

Repeat after me:

I do not exist for other people's aesthetic pleasure.

Fuck everyone. I'm so done.

No more shame.

No more hiding my legs with jeans and long skirts.

I have body hair. Not only on my hands and legs, but on my fingers and toes as well. I have an almost-unibrow. And you know what? I have decided it is beautiful. One day I will find people who agree, and goddammit, I will be loved by them.

And if I can't, fine.

I will yearn for love, and maybe I will be desperate and lonely, but I WILL NOT change myself for someone to love me. Because that wouldn't be real love in the first place. They wouldn't be loving me, not really. They would be loving the actor who is playing me. And I would still feel lonely, only this time in their company.

A boyfriend whose love I'd constantly be afraid of losing; afraid he would find out what a monster I really am. I'd hold on to my shame and keep it buried in the darkest recesses of my mind: the natural habitat of insecurity.

But the thing is: any relationship that requires you to hide parts of yourself is not real love at all.

So, I reiterate: I. Am. Done.

With the beauty standards about hair, skin colour, makeup, eyebrows, glasses, weight, boob or butt or dick size (?? Why are these even a thing? I genuinely don't get it), height, teeth, everything.

I don't fit them. It's okay.

(It's not always okay. My self-esteem swings from finding myself absolutely repulsive some days, to remembering I've been conditioned to be this way, then feeling years-old rage (how dare they brainwash me to hate myself so?) and grief (how much more confident a person could I have been if I hadn't been made to feel trapped in my own skin).

It goes from sunny skies of heartfelt gratitude (my body is healthy, it does so much for me, keeps me alive and helps me experience the world) to the dark pits of self-loathing (no one could ever love me; I shouldn't subject people to my hideous existence) -- to wishful thinking (all my problems would be solved if only I were as pretty as them; how do people look like that??)

But through it all, I will be my natural, hairy, big brown self -- and anyone who has a problem with it can go to Hell and suck Satan's dick.

[dal-chawal]

jeene ki tamanna bass khatam hoti jarahi hai, koi aake gale lag jao ya gala daba jao.

[xavixax]

Career change; I wanna wear a red lehenga and haunt a haveli now.

[maihonhassan]

I can't believe i finally said my parents, "mujhe bahir ki duniya dekhni hai, doston ke saath ghumana hai, ghar se bahir nikalna hai." and they said, "nikal jaa hamare ghar se."

[junebugtwin]

when you have nothing to live for, its easy to find something to die for.

[tofixtheshadows]

Kabru: I haven't found out the Touden's motivation for being adventurers [because it's genuinely unique] and I suspect they may have ulterior motives that concern me. I want to find out more.

A shocking number of people, somehow: Kabru is actually so stupid and cruel for briefly misunderstanding these characters he's never met and there is Something About Him I just don't like, you can Tell By Looking At Him that he is evil and shady and also ableist, he just rubs me the wrong way