#btw this year's feel a lot harder to make than last's

[aguantenlaspitusas]

fuck it starting this season's unhinged predictions with stake f1 team as second in constructor's championship

[anundyingfidelity]

FOR ALL TIME, ALWAYS – Loki x female reader

Summary: Loki escapes the TVA for a moment. Desperate and brokenhearted, he looks for you, his wife, in the Sacred Timeline. Even if you saw him die ten years ago.

Word count: 3.9k.

Warnings: LOTS of angst, some fluff, spoilers of Loki series in general. Language. Maybe I'm not getting how the branches work oops. This is right after the end of 2x02 and before 2x03. My English is also a warning, just in case.

Notes: while looking on the tags I checked a post of someone asking for a TVA Loki fic where he finds the reader but her Loki died in IW (not canon in my head btw). So I wrote it because is such a great idea, but I can't find the original post... ;-; anyway hope you like this!

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

GEN MASTERLIST!

It's harder to stay...

Wasn't this situation hard enough? Sylvie was right. She had a point. But Loki wanted to do the right thing. Maybe he would find a chance... Again, right? Probably he would make the proper decisions this time.

The TVA was already fucked up, and with it, the thousands of timelines and lives in danger within them. Sometimes, it looked like it didn't matter. In the end, they were trying to fix something that was already broken.

Loki let out a deep breath he didn't realise was holding and walked to talk directly to his partner, Mobius.

"I need a favor," Loki mumbled, so the grey-haired man would be the only person to hear his voice.

Mobius met his eyes. He knew that gaze, it meant he was up to something. "What kind of favor?"

The god motioned Mobius to step away from the newly acknowledged variants and far away from what B-15 was witnessing. The branches were pruned from the whole existence; thousands and millions of lifes lost to the void in just the blink of an eye. Loki knew he had to do something before it got worst. Something for himself.

"I need to go the Sacred Timeline," Loki announced.

"Are you nuts?" Mobius scolded, in the same low voice tone Loki had used.

"Is just- listen, it's something I have to do. I really need to go back there. Need to see someone, make sure everything is okay," Loki insisted.

During all the times Loki showed he was desperate, Mobius was sure this was the peak of all of them. He wasn't explaning more than necessary, he looked serious, and his voice was crisp. Loki knew what he wanted at that moment. Mobius sighed, his hands finding the pockets of his pants, unsure of Loki's request.

"So it's personal..."

"A little, yeah," Loki nodded.

"Promise it'll be quick," Mobius said, taking off the TemPad from his pocket and his hand stopped in the air before the object could lay in the god's grip. "Don't make me regret this."

"I won't."

2029, Sacred Timeline

When Loki arrived to his destination, the nerves got the best from him. New York looked no different from the last time he was there. Shifting his usual clothes he wore at the TVA, he chose a plain suit to go undercover, or at least decided he would try to, considering he was a criminal once in Midgard.

But as he walked through the halls of the familiar building he met decades ago, he didn't really care. He longed for something else. Better say, someone. And it was you.

You, who met him in the past right after Thor's banishment, and even helped him to find the Teseract, only to give up to SHIELD and those idiots that people called 'The Avengers'. Of course his heart hurted for a long time, but Loki tried to deny the feelings blooming inside and instead, he just decided to walk away from you, even if that meant hurting you. It was the best.

At least that was what he believed until he checked further his file; the file that Mobius had prepared for him. His life. Even after what he did to your people and planet, you still held no grudges. And Thor was good enough to seek for yours and the sorcerer's, Stephen Strange, help once Hela appeared in their lives.

Loki would never forget the loving look in your beautiful eyes when you saw him again, after years of parting ways. He really paid attention to you while watching his file, and he found there was only love, protection, and care in you. All for him. Someone who didn't deserve it, he thought.

He felt grateful at least he had the pleasure to enjoy happiness for a moment. Even if that meant Asgard was destroyed. Loki already lost his mother, his father, and he almost lost his brother. He couldn't stand losing you either. The simple idea of living without you - even if he didn't know you further than your Loki did - was unbearable pain.

So while in the ship on the way to Midgard with the asgardians and survivors of the Ragnarok, you held a cozy, small wedding when he asked you to marry him. This was one of the parts Loki would replay again and again from his file, with disbelief that he was actually happy and joyful, enjoying a good time with you, his brother, and all the asgardians who survived. Loki felt full of hope after your wedding, thinking fate had better things to come with you as an oficial part of his life.

Unfortunately, it didn't last long, thanks to the Mad Titan. As his steps got near your door, the memory of his brother and your figure mourning on his lifeless body appeared on his mind. It was an image he couldn't erase that easily. Probably, he would never forget that was his original destiny all the way. That was meant to be. And for now, he could not change it.

Loki stopped outside your apartment. He took a deep breath and raised his shaking hand to reach the doorbell. He waited for a moment, not knowing if seconds or minutes went by, it felt eternal. Until the door opened and he saw you.

The bright smile you had on your lips faded away. Your eyes flooded with tears, your forehead was furrowed, and still, Loki thought you were the most beautiful creature in all the Nine Realms.

"Hi..." Loki barely whispered, his eyes were glossy and a single tear also ran down his pale cheek.

You were clearly in shock. You wanted to get closer and finally touch him, to feel him physically. But even if you wanted to move to take his hand to confirm it wasn't a trick of your ruined mind, your body was stiff and your feet were glued to the ground.

"Is this an illusion?" you trembled.

All Loki could do was shaking his head, before muttering. "No..."

"Loki, I saw you die..."

Tears ran down your face, denying to yourself that this was real. That this was really happening to you. And your mind started to wonder all the possible scenarios and reasons on why him, the god of mischief, the only person you loved dearly with all your mind, body and soul, was standing right in front of your door even if he was gone for you... Long gone now. And that couldn't be undone.

"I know you did, my love."

You tried to smile, even a little bit, as he pronounced those words so dearly. Loki came closer to your figure, carefully placing a trembling hand on your cheek, feeling the tears flowing on your skin. You leaned into his touch, with a simpering smile. Such was the effect you had on him, that a silly smile he also had on his lips.

And you realized Loki was so real... His touch, his heat, his smile, his scent, the way he would hold you... Everything about him was exactly as you remembered. You felt his lips brushing softly against yours, gentle and hesitant, and instantly, you melted into a slow kiss, sure knowing that Loki would taste the salt of your tears running down your face. Leaning in closer as the space between would allow you, you savoured each second your breaths allowed, longing to remain right there for eternity. For all time. Always.

"But now I am here... and I can explain," he whispered once you separated your lips from his in the sweetest way.

You let out a soft chuckle. "Mind to enlighten me, oh, god of mischief?"

Finally you guided him inside your apartment. That old apartment Loki saw his other self visiting a couple of times before you were something. It still had your vibe around it and he loved it. He felt like he was at home after a very long time. Once you closed the door, his arms wrapped around your figure, and you let yourself cry, pressing against his chest and with a tight grip of your hands on his coat.

"You don't have any idea of how much I have missed you all these years," you sobbed and his heart shrank on his chest. "I kept wishing every night and every day to be me instead of you."

"My love," he said softly, separating a little and cupping your cheeks with his warm hands. His eyes were red now because of the tears he was holding back again. "Don't say that... It was supposed to happen."

"What?" you mumbled.

Your hands found his wrists and you pulled his palms away from your cheeks. However you kept the contact with him, you just needed to touch him, to feel he was in the flesh. He was alive right now, wasn't he?

"Look, I am not your Loki. I know what you did, what the Avengers did after Thanos-" his voice broke just a bit but he continued. "I know everything. I just couldn't resist knowing there was someone for me, out there in the Nine Realms, capable to love me for who I am," Loki explained as he watched your face. Was it disappointment? Confusion? He didn't know, but he had to tell you the truth.

Your voice came out as a barely audible whisper. "So... you are saying... you're another Loki? Another him?"

He nodded softly. "I am." Loki thought for a moment on how to explain everything, but he just went for what his heart felt it was right. "It's a little complicated. I did something that wasn't supposed to be, and perhaps will sound like I'm insane, but thanks to that I am kind of trapped in time. With an organization that is not what everyone thought it was, hence a multiverse was created. Sponsored by another me, by the way. You are in what is called the Sacred Timeline, where things flow as how they were supposed to since forever. And I just needed to see you after I found out you were the love of my life."

You took a moment to understand everything he said, wishing that his fate would have been different from what originally happened. Loki gave his best, even in the last worst moments, he was changing for good. For you. For Thor... It wasn't fair.

"Your death was supposed to be then?"

"Yes, it was."

"Oh, Loki," you cried. "You know what, I don't care what's happened. I'm just- I feel happy seeing you here... Please tell me everything you've been through. I want to hear your voice again, to know you're with me right now, to feel you near... I'm not crazy, am I?" you chuckled between tears and Loki curved his lips in a smile, wiping your tears from your face with his thumbs.

Loki granted your wish and explained everything, answering every question you had about the lies of the TVA; the files he found out were his whole life; about Sylvie, Mobius and his variants. He spilled all you wanted to hear, asking like a child, until you understood what was happening. You noticed he truly had changed, just like your Loki did when he reunited with Thor before the Ragnarok took over Asgard. It was a bittersweet feeling however, thinking how much they they seemed to each other. They were the same person after all, but this Loki didn't had the chance to continue his path as it was supposed to.

Taking his hand into yours, you leaned towards him and laid down your head on his shoulder while you both sat comfortable in the couch, just enjoying each others company. Your eyes were dry at this point after crying for what it felt were hours, but his voice helped to soothe you enough.

"I'm glad knowing you have someone like Mobius by your side," you said after a quiet moment. "He sounds like a very good friend," you looked at him, waiting for an answer. "Because that's what he is to you, right?"

"He is a great friend, I'm not alone if that is what is troubling you," Loki affirmed.

You let out a sigh. "That is totally a relief to me."

Loki chuckled softly, leaning to leave a kiss on your hair. "Now you've heard everything about me, would I hear something from you?"

"I'm just a mortal, Loki," you smiled. "Doing the normal shit, not the superhero stuff anymore. I am hating my pretty much normal office job every day; I feed the birds when I go outside at the park, also thinking about adopting a cat or a dog... Maybe a dog."

"Or you could do both."

"Yeah, I might. But my place isn't that big for pets. Sometimes I feel like I'm too alone, very much alone... I would love to have a big farm, or a cabin in the mountains with lots of plants, pets and animals to take care of." The idea did sound good for Loki. Hopefuly you could find peace that way. "Do you remember Pepper?" you said, straighting up on the couch to look at him. He nodded. "Well, after Tony died I still visit her and their daughter, Morgan. She is ten years old, could you believe it?" Loki noticed the sorrow and pain you still carried after all those years of losing your friends, your people... "And I've been missing you and mourning you for ten years as well."

"It's not your fault."

"I know, Loki."

"Do whatever is the best for you, my dear... I would have loved to be here with you now, as the Loki from the Sacred Timeline."

You smiled, but it was a sad smile. "Well, either way, you're here now. It's all that matters to me."

Once again, you shared a loving kiss and took his hand to walk to the kitchen, asking him to take a seat in your breakfast bar, glad he decided to search for you in one of your free days. Otherwise, you would have surely missed his visit. But he was looking for you. Probably Loki would have found you anywhere at this point.

You talked some more while you had some tea and ate some cookies that you saved for special days on the shelfs. The afternoon was pleasant, and this was your turn to speak. Loki, coat long gone, was catching up with you and he asked every single thing about your life now. He smiled more than ever, laughed more than you have ever seen, and it was certainly something you could get used to from now on. Knowing you never continued your life with another person made his heart ache though. However, Loki was no one to blame. He would have done the same thing. No other was like you, no one would have replaced you.

"It's my decision," you finally said, reading his face like an open book. "I have loved you, I love you now and I will love you forever."

He took your hand, lacing your fingers with his. "I know..."

"The day we married you gave me a ring. I always have it with me, today I'm not working, but I use this necklace with your ring," you searched for the necklace hiding inside your shirt and taking it off, you showed him the precious jewel hanging on a fine golden chain. The ring he recognized once was from his mother. "I want you to have it."

"No,I can't-"

"But this is what I want. I know I would have to forget, because you will make me forget about this. About you, coming here, risking everything just to see me. So please, take it."

Loki knew you had made a decision, but then if he left, taking your memories away about this day, what was left for you? He had nothing, and it was okay. He would still know he came to the Sacred Timeline; that he kissed you, that you shared a moment together, that you still loved him. But you will have none of that. And you, as human as you were, would die without the memories and without the ring. You would have nothing and he was sure couldn't bear it.

"Perhaps I can have something else to remember you, I want you to keep this ring as a promise," he closed your hand around the necklace. "My promise that I still love you and I will do it. Forever."

And you sighed, taking the necklace back with a smile. Always so stubborn. "Give me a moment."

Loki saw you leave the kitchen for some minutes. While he was alone, he noticed the sunset through the windows, as it was almost ending to welcome the dark sky around the city. He knew he had to go soon. As much as he didn't want to and the simple thought of runing away was starting to hurt him deep inside.

When you arrived, you stood by his seat on the breakfast bar, putting a small photograph, perfect for a passport, on the surface. It was all in black and white, and you looked what you thought it was nice. Loki took it between his hands, lovingly and with a proud smile on his face.

"I used that when I was taking my Master's degree. Looks pretty decent," you joked.

Loki laughed, tears right at the corner of his eyes. "It's more than that. It's perfect."

His smile faded, knowing this meant he had to leave you again. Loki wasn't supposed to have a happy ending, was he? How he wished to stay there by your side.

You kissed his cheek as a sort of goodbye and comfort at the same time, noticing the sudden change on his face and whispered softly. "So you don't search for me on those files."

"Thank you, love."

Loki got on his feet to put his coat on, like some sort of mental preparation before leaving your apartment and the Sacred Timeline. He saved your photograph on his pocket securely along with Mobius' TemPad, pretending to be strong and swallowing all the pain he was feeling right at that moment. You took his hand, lacing your fingers together one last time and walked until you stood there, in the middle of your living room. He looked at you with loving eyes, trying to save your face and your figure before returning to where he was supposed to be now. And it seemed like time had stopped, as everything Loki could see and feel was you and only you.

"I guess is time now," you began, interrupting his mind.

"I guess it is," Loki nodded, expecting an answer from you. Anything. But it never came. You were also trying to save the moment as much as you could.

So he cupped your cheeks, feeling for the last time your warm, soft skin against his palms. He didn't want to talk, because if he would have said something, it meant you were really saying goodbye forever. What Loki didn't know is that you felt the same thing.

Was there something good to say to your lover, whose destiny was just to bring the best from other people with his cruelty and chaos? To the man who had learn to make things better and, in the end, died trying to protect his people and his wife? Was there anything out there that would bring the god of mischief the happiness and love you always knew he deserved? With these branches and multiverse thing, you hoped deep in your heart there was a universe where he found what he longed for so long. This was just one of many of them. Probably he was happy and living in peace in some others.

"I love you, Loki," you mumbled. He caressed your skin with his thumbs and wiped the small tears that were running on your cheeks.

"I love you too."

Loki leaned to kiss you one last time. You welcomed the kiss with shut eyes, savouring his lips and the taste of your tears, mixing now with his own.

The pain started to bloom; every heartbeat felt like a sledgehammer pounding against his chest. He was not ready to let you go, so this was all he could do. The seidr flowed from his fingers, the green lights covering your body with the help of the spell he casted for you was made to protect you from anything that could get out of hand in the Sacred Timeline, particularly from his own hands, the hands of the TVA, or any other danger that could chase you. Because if something would happen to you due to his stubborn decision, Loki knew he wouldn't forgive himself. What he was sure about though, was that he would still look for you until the end of time.

So when the kiss ended, you fell asleep in seconds. He had to take your sleeping figure with his arms to your bedroom, where he carefully laid you down on the bed. Making sure you were comfortable in your sleep, fixing the pillows and the blankets, Loki remained there, just to take in the serenity emanating from you. It was something you had, the ease and calm your aura projected to everyone in the room. This was the last thing Loki wanted to save from you.

He kissed your forehead and dried the tears on your face before standing up. Once you were to wake up in some hours, you would not be able to know everything was real. Loki made sure you thought it was a dream. So that is what you would have in your head. Something you wished for so long that will only be nothing but thoughts, scenes and emotions that felt absolutely true. As real as life could be.

Loki took the TemPad and opened the timedoor to go back to the TVA, where he knew Mobius would be waiting already since he left for hours. Without looking back to your room, he stepped in and forced to compose himself just in case he would bump into someone else. He sighed, observing through the halls of the headquaters as he made his way back to the room that was assigned to him.

At his door, a worried Mobius was already waiting for him, walking in circles.

"God, Loki I thought you were gone for a second," the analyst breathed out. Loki just handed the TemPad and Mobius took it back. He noticed his weary demeanor and teary eyes. "Thank you. Sorry I doubted you for a second."

"It's fine," Loki shrugged it off, looking for something on his pocket. The photograph slipped from his fingers and fell down to the floor. Mobius was quick enough to pick it up for him, but as he gave it back to his owner he observed it thoroughly.

"So this was the personal thing you did," Mobius said, looking the photograph resting on Loki's hand. He remembered that face from his files.

"Yeah... I guess all set now," Loki sighed.

"Good, I hope you're ready for another trip to the Sacred Timeline." Mobius turned to walk away, deciding it was better to give him some time, but he turned back to Loki before doing so. "And if you're feeling like talking about this any day, only between us, just let me know."

And with that, he walked away. Loki smiled, standing alone outside his door.

You were right. Mobius was a good friend.

[chuuyascumsock]

I am NOT a Sadist (I am) || Minors DNI

Summary; Sorry, not sorry. I love when there’s hurt feelings with emotional make-up sex :)

Tags; Chuuya Nakahara/Reader, Afab reader, Angst, Mentions Of Depression, Hurt/Comfort, I Totally Projected My Poor Communication Skills Onto The MC, Also Self Sabotaging, But She Gets Better I Swear, I Project A Lot Actually Lmao, Sounds Kind Of Like An Unhealthy Relationship At First But They Fix It, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, They Do Hurt Each Other’s Feelings A Little, Obviously There’s Crying, Pet Names (Baby, Doll, Sweetheart, Sweet Girl, etc.), Mention Of Phone Sex, Handjob, Fingering, Emotional Sex, Make-Up Sex, Creampie, Lowkey Breeding Kink If You Squint, Actually Pretty Vanilla For Once, Pussy Is Chuuya’s Therapy, Classic Missionary, Missionary Accomplished, Why Does No One Talk About Chuuya Going On His Overseas Trips And Leaving His S/O For Months At A Time, I Feel Like It’s Such A Good Angst Idea, My Longest Oneshot Yet Btw At A 5k Wordcount.

The honeymoon phase of your relationship with Chuuya ended quicker than you had anticipated. It felt like a slap in the face in all honesty, unexpecting of what you were really getting into as a normal civilian. Being married to an executive of the port mafia had its many upsides, yet no one really seemed to talk about the downsides and struggles of the mental toll that weighed on your conscience that came with the title as Chuuya’s wife. 

Chuuya had always been there when you needed him, and you were grateful that even with his rough exterior and conflict with opening up emotionally he could empathize with your varying issues and emotional outbursts. You tried not to be emotionally high maintenance for the sake of Chuuya already having so much on his plate, and things had seemed to be going well for the time being. 

Until he went away for his first overseas trip during your marriage. 

It was normal for Chuuya to take overseas trips while you were dating, some lasting a few days to a few weeks at most and during those times you often texted him throughout the day about how much you missed him before calling later on when he was lying exhausted in a hotel room to talk about how both of your days had gone. Of course, it had often led to phone sex, ending with the camera angled against a pillow while your fingers worked in and out of your neglected, needy pussy– your face buried into his pillow and smothering your senses with what was left of his presence in your apartment. And Chuuya would stroke his throbbing length at the sight with languid motions, thumb swiping over his leaking tip as he murmured through the speaker about how he wished he could be there to feel you split open on his cock and fill you up with his cum. And every time he came back from his trips, your relationship seemingly grew stronger from the distance, spending all his free time with you whenever he got the chance. 

And then Mori sent him away on a half year mission to Europe and everything seemed to go to shit. 

It was different when you had been dating as it was for a few days to some weeks at most, but a six-month excursion made your throat clench and your heart ache with saudade. You tried to keep a positive mindset, yet it was harder as each day had passed and Chuuya grew too tired from the days’ events to even call anymore. Messages on his side grew shorter and dull by the end of the third month, only sending a small good morning and good night text with the occasional ‘I love you’.  

Instead of bringing it up or attempting to fix it, you felt a sense of hopelessness and withdrew from him as well, not wanting to burden him with your spamming messages or feelings that could hinder him while dealing with an important mission. You spent the next three months stewing in a depressive state, loneliness eating away at you as you went day to day going to your job and coming back to an empty apartment. You stopped going out with your friends, stopped bothering to take care of yourself– completely ruining your sleeping and eating schedule in the process– leaving you with dark bags under your eyes and slightly paler looking complexion. You had grown so comfortable in Chuuya’s love and had no idea how to handle the situation you were in, fearing of saying something that would upset him. 

When Chuuya had come back, he hadn’t noticed the change in your behavior– too tired himself to see the toll his absence had taken on you. But to you, your straining relationship was apparent, and it only fueled your depression as Chuuya spent less time with you when he got back home than he used to when you were dating. He was either working on other missions given by Mori within the area or spent his free time sleeping. You barely felt as if you were married anymore, your relationship seeming more like roommates who rarely ever interacted every passing day.  

Your deteriorating mental health was beginning to wear your mind and patience thin, leading to a series of outbursts and fights between the two of you. You’d snap at him with an antagonizing start, and he’d finish with a frustrating end, either leaving to cool off or going to sleep on the couch. You could tell it was getting to him because he confronted you one day after he had mentioned that Mori was thinking about sending him on another grueling months-long overseas mission in America and you gave him the cold shoulder, closing yourself off from him. 

“What the hell has been your problem lately, huh? You’ve been acting shitty for the last few weeks and it’s really starting to get on my nerves,” He gripes, crossing his arms over his chest defensively as he leans against the kitchen counter. 

“I don’t have a problem, you’re the one starting things,” You tiredly glare at the words in your novel, wanting to read and forget everything falling apart around you, but it’s hard when Chuuya persists.  

Chuuya scoffs, “Bullshit, you have this nasty attitude and it's been bothering the hell out of me– so what the hell is your problem?” He repeats, his eyes burning holes into the side of your apathetic expression from across the room.  

“Good thing you won’t have to deal with it for long, huh?” You respond flatly, avoiding his question once again. You and Chuuya have always had an issue with things like this due to him being blunt when he was upset about something while you tended to dance around it and drawl the problem on longer than it had to be than if you were to talk about your problems from the start. 

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” His jaw sets, teeth clenching behind his scowl, “You know it annoys the hell out of me when you say cryptic shit like that— answer my question.” Chuuya’s temper was something no one enjoyed testing and you once feared setting him off, but now you couldn’t find it in you to care whether he blew up on you or not. 

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your next mission?” You’re metaphorically poking more than just a bear at this point; this is an entire fucking lion you’re sticking your hand into the mouth of– waiting for it to rip you apart. 

Chuuya’s steps are heavy as he approaches you with a stern glare, “I’m not leaving until you tell me, I’m tired of these games, [name].”  

His words make you snort bitterly as you mock, “Yeah, okay– like you’re not just Mori’s lapdog– at his every beck and call.” You know he’d leave the minute Mori sent a text or called asking where he was. 

Chuuya’s face contorts in mild surprise and slight hurt at your words, not expecting you to stoop so low as to refer to him as a lapdog for Mori. “I really don’t know why the fuck you’re acting like this, but it’s seriously pissin’ me off. Can you just tell me what I supposedly did wrong to make you treat me like this? Because last time I checked, I didn’t fuckin’ do anything,” His statement was ironic in the sense that him not doing anything was the problem.  

Your nostrils flare with a deep exhale in spiteful amusement, though nothing was amusing about it, because you knew you were going to regret everything you said after the fight was over.  

“Of course, you didn’t,” There’s clear sarcasm in your tone, your hands now messing with the pages of your novel mindlessly. 

“Why won’t you just talk to me!? I can’t read your mind– how can I fix a problem when you won’t tell me what I did wrong?” He starts to raise his voice in frustration. You can see his fists clenching from the corners of your eyes. 

You only remove yourself further emotionally by shutting down completely. It was common for you to go completely non-verbal in any argument, the stress of the conflict physically affecting you in ways that kept you from speaking– like your throat tightening and tongue growing heavy in your mouth. This was another issue between you and Chuuya as he was the type to raise his voice whilst arguing to make himself and his feelings known, the complete opposite of yourself. 

An inkling of doubt buries in your chest as you begin to think that maybe you’re not as compatible with Chuuya as you thought you were. 

Chuuya notices your silence and he feels his impatience growing, his foot starting to tap against the floor with agitation as his hands fall to rest on his hips, “God dammit, [name], can you just tell me? I’m not in the mood to play detective and try to figure out why you’re playing your fucking games, I have shit to do.” 

You find it in you to respond, though it’s weak and filled with animosity, “You always have shit to do.” 

An exasperated sigh leaves Chuuya as he stands in front of you, “Is that what this is about? Because I have work? A job? Believe it or not, the mafia isn’t as lenient as to give me a day off, sweetheart,” He says sarcastically, throwing his hands up for emphasis. “Sorry that I have to serve an organization that will literally have my head if god forbid, I even thought about leaving!” 

“You don’t even spend time with me anymore when you do have time off,” You rasp, your eyes set on the crumbling pages underneath your fingertips. 

“I’m exhausted because I’m constantly working my ass off! Sorry that I can’t do fuck whatever and whenever like you can! Unlike you, I actually work for the things I want instead of sitting around and waiting for it to just fall into my lap!” Your brows furrow at his words, knowing it’s utter bullshit. But it still gets under your skin. 

You could easily quit your job and live off of the makings of what Chuuya has— he’s even offered the idea before— but you wanted to keep a sense of independence and to continue to be productive instead of a burden that burns cash. Your conclusion is that it was to get back at your lapdog comment. 

“And you know what? You have nothing to fuckin’ complain about because you get everything you want. Are you just bored? Is that why you’re starting shit? Or is it those friends of yours filling your head with bullshit?” He leans over to your eye level, his hands resting above his knees for support with a firm stare into the side of your face as you refuse to make eye contact with him. 

You were over this. All of it. You were tired of the tension, the fighting, feeling the way you were.  

Which led the next words to slip out from your mouth without a second thought, “I want a break.” 

Chuuya’s scowl quickly shifted to a look of pure bewilderment, to immense hurt and slight panic, then to anger, “A break? You can’t just take a break whenever something doesn’t go your way, that’s not how this works.” 

“I don’t care, I want a break,” It’s getting difficult to talk again as you feel your eyes begin to water. 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that,” He demands, almost hesitantly. 

It takes minutes for you to finally look into his piercing gray eyes without crying and repeat your words, “I want a break.” 

His body straightens and he brings a hand to rub at his eyes, his other hand on his hip. He seems disappointed and a whole lot of other emotions, but mostly frustrated at this whole ordeal. There’s a deafening silence before he drags his hand down his face and lets it fall to his side, “You want a break? Fine, I’ll tell Mori I’m going on the mission then and be gone by tomorrow morning— you’ll get your break.” He then storms off to finish getting ready for work, leaving you to sit alone on the couch, regretting everything that just happened. 

And even when you still have the chance to stop him from walking out the door and just talk to him, you don’t. Instead, you stare down at the ring on your finger numbly, listening to his heavy footfalls as they move towards the front door and then the slamming that follows when he leaves. 

You soon break down crying after, feeling as if you’ve lost everything. You know you could easily fix it with a simple text of wanting to talk things out, but the self-sabotaging nature in you refused to move a muscle. You cry for hours until your body grows exhausted, and you fall asleep on the couch in a tangled mess of some throw blankets and decorative pillows. 

Hours later, Chuuya enters your shared apartment quietly, taking his hat off as he runs a hand through his hair. He’s tired just as much as you are with how things are going in your relationship, and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s lost and trying so desperately to figure out how to fix it, but he can’t when you won’t tell him what the problem is. He knows you struggle deep down with telling others about how you feel, and it makes him feel hopeless at times when you won’t even tell him how you feel. 

His eyes trail over the living room before they fall on you and the blankets your body is buried under, your sleeping face peeking through. Chuuya takes light steps over to the couch before crouching in front of you and taking off one of his gloves, his hand slowly reaching out to move a few baby hairs away from your face. His eyes soften when he rubs away the tear stains on your cheeks with his thumb.  

There’s a small ache in his chest from the events and words exchanged earlier, feeling a growing tightness in his throat. He didn’t mean it when he said those things and he knows you didn’t mean what you said. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt any less.  

He begins to feel guilt weighing on his consciousness. He replays all your expressions and words in his mind and starts to think about your reaction to the whole reason the fight started in the first place. It takes a few moments of him silently sitting next to the couch and caressing your face mindlessly until he finally realizes what’s been wrong the whole time. 

When you wake up hours later, you’re no longer on the couch, but placed comfortably in your bed. You rub the crust from your eyes and feel a heavy weight in your chest like a bag of stones when the spot next to you is void of Chuuya. ‘He actually left,’ You thought, but you knew you had no one to blame but yourself— even if you had hoped that he would stay. Now fully awake, you slip out of bed sluggishly and shuffle out your bedroom. 

A faint voice from the living room catches your attention and you notice that it’s the TV. There’s a small spark of hope that flickers in your stomach as you slowly creep into the living room. Relief settles in your heart to see the back of Chuuya’s head peeking from the couch. You make your way around the couch timidly until you’re in Chuuya’s sights. He stares tiredly at the TV before he sees you move into his view from the corner of his eye and looks over to you. 

“I… thought you were going to go on the mission…” You whisper, anxiously twisting and fidgeting with the end of your oversized shirt that slightly hangs off your shoulders. 

“I had Mori get someone else to do it,” Chuuya responds quietly, his eyes traveling your figure from top to bottom before propping an arm on the backrest of the couch as a silent invitation for you to sit next to him. 

As soon as you sit next to him, his arm shifts until his callous hand rests on the nape of your neck, rubbing at your skin in a soothing manner. He pulls you into his side after a few moments and turns his face slightly to press a soft kiss against your hairline.  

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around,” He starts off, sincere in each word as he continues, “Why didn’t you say anything?” It sounds almost rhetorical because you know he knows why on a surface level, but he doesn’t know why.  

You’re silent for a bit before hesitantly answering, “I didn’t want to stress you out by making you feel like you had to constantly tend to me.” 

“You’re my wife, not a burden. No matter how stressed out I am, I don’t want you to ever think that you can’t come to me with your feelings or just to bother me. I know I was gone for a long time, and I shouldn’t’ve become as distant as I had, but–” He sighs out in exasperation, “–Baby, you’ve gotta communicate with me. I don’t wanna fight like this and worry about our marriage. I want us to work out– I need us to work out because…” Chuuya trails off before moving his body to turn towards you and tilt your chin up with his other hand to look you in the eyes. 

“I need you, [name]. You’re my person. Okay?”  

Your chest throbs and aches at his words as his slate gray eyes flicker over your face and then meet your now watering eyes, “You’re my person too, Chuuya. I’m sorry…” You croak out through quivering lips and break down into tears, leaning forward to bury your face into his chest. “M’sorry– didn’t mean anything I said last night– won’t do it again,” You stumble over your words through muffled sobs.  

Chuuya moves his hand from your chin to hold the back of your head, pressing you into his chest as he kisses the top of your head, “I know you didn’t, sweetheart. I didn’t mean what I said either. You know I love you, right?” 

You nod, your small sobs and hiccups muted by his loose tank top as you hug your arms around his torso to pull him to you as close as possible, “I love you too…” 

He pulls you back reluctantly from your embrace and cups your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumbs, “I promise that I’ll make an effort to be a better husband, I don’t want you to feel like that ever again. I shouldn’t have neglected you like that and made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me. That’s the last thing that I want.” 

“I’m gonna do better too, promise,” You sniffle, trying to hold back from anymore tears falling down your face, “Wanna be better for you.” 

“I wanna be better for you too, doll,” He murmurs before his face grows closer to yours to place a soft, innocent kiss against your lips. 

Your hands come to clasp over his own that cup your face and your eyes lull into his fond gaze, “I missed you,” You whisper with longing. 

“I missed you too, baby. It killed me not being able to wake up next to you every morning n’see your pretty face,” He exhales gently, kissing you again. 

Your heart stutters at his words and you reciprocate the kiss, refusing to pull away as quickly as before. When your lashes flutter open, you lean your face into his touch, “I need you, Chuuya,” And it’s clear to him that it wasn’t meant in just an innocent manner.  

“Yeah? Missed me that much, sweet girl?” His nose nudges against yours affectionately before capturing your lips into a sensual kiss. Feeling his lips smother against yours and the ring on his finger to remind you of his undying love and devotion to you only encourages the simmering heat in your chest and lower stomach. And when he mumbles a muffled, “C’mere,” against your lips, you’re quick to climb into his lap and thread a hand into his ginger hair. He hums in amusement at your eagerness and moves his lips to trail pecks along your jaw and down your throat, “Always were so needy f’me and I fuckin’ love it– love everything about you, doll.” He groans under his breath, hands heavily groping at any part of your plush body to keep you against him. 

“Only for you, it’s always been you,” You breathe out with a shaky exhale and Chuuya is unable to hide the small whimper that escapes the back of his throat. 

“Fuck, it’s always been you too, doll. I love you so much it hurts,” He pulls you back down into a desperate and hungry open-mouthed kiss, his tongue seeking out until his muscle is entangling with yours.  

Your face flushes with warmth as you mold your lips against his feverishly, head tilting to deepen the kiss until you’re both panting for air into each other’s mouths, “Please…” You plead, squirming in his lap. 

“I know, babydoll, I feel it too,” Chuuya groans quietly, feeling your thinly clothed pussy skim over the bulge in his gym shorts. “Wanna take this slow though, need to feel all of you, okay?” His hands cup the bottom of your thighs as he moves off the couch to stand up, your lips not parting for even a second as he makes his way to your bedroom and over to the bed. When his shins bump against the bottom frame of the bed, he leans over to lay you down on the mattress gently, lips leaving yours to move back down the expanse of your neck. You shiver, fingers messily tangling into his locks of hair whilst your other hand finds its way in between your bodies to run your hand over his erection. “F-Fuck,” Chuuya breathes out against the skin of your throat, hips jerking forward into your touch. “God, it’s been so long, I almost came,” He admits with embarrassment before latching onto a small patch of your skin to suckle at, pressing kisses to the spot occasionally. 

“Baby, please— wanna touch you so bad,” Was all you had to whine before he slips his baggy gym shorts off to reveal his stiff, throbbing cock. Your hand wraps around him, thumb pressing to his leaking slit to swipe at the precum dribbling out to spread it along his length with a few pumps of your hand. There’s a quiet “schlick” each time your wrist flicks to draw your hand back up to his angry mushroom tip before moving back down to the base of his shaft. 

Chuuya is unashamed when he lets out airy moans against your neck that’s now littered with his love marks, “Shit, you’re s’fuckin’ good, baby— just like that.” His right hand finds its way under your large shirt to grab at your underwear and pull at it until it tears off you. 

“Chuuya,” You whine in complaint, watching him toss the now torn fabric onto the floor, “I liked those.” 

“S’okay, I’ll get you more, sweetheart, promise,” His teeth dig into his bottom lip as he slips his middle and ring finger through your folds to spread your glistening sex open. “Look at how fucking wet you are, you like jerkin’ me off that much, pretty girl?” He groans, eyes glued to your hole clenching around nothing. 

You bury your face into the crook of his neck timidly as your hand pumping around his cock falters slightly from the way he talks, “C-Chuuya…” 

Chuuya chuckles before softly moaning into the side of your head, face nuzzling affectionately into your hair, “C’mon, doll, don’t be shy, look at how your sweet little cunt takes my fingers.” 

Flustered, you peek from his neck to watch his digits dip into your arousal, dragging them up to circle over your clit a few times and then slipping down to sink into your pulsing walls. Whilst his fingers weren’t considered long, they have you twitching from pleasure with how thick they are. “Feels good,” You slur out as your hand squeezes around the base of his cock. 

“Yeah? You love it when I stretch this pussy out with my fat fingers, huh?” He sucks in a short breath as he tries not to come right then and there in your hand as he fingers his digits in and out of your squelching pussy. “My sweet girl likes having her hole stuffed by her husband, hm,” His fingers work faster in and out of your cunt as he angles his thumb to draw rough circles into your needy clit.  

Your grip and stroking around his length only continues to falter as your thighs spasm softly, “M’gonna come— fuck— Chuu, noo, no, no…” You squirm, your other hand tugs his hair. 

“What’s wrong, doll?” Chuuya’s fingers slow to a stop, causing you to whimper from the ebbing buildup of your orgasm. He’s the same as you when he feels your hand come to a stop around his shaft. 

“Wanna come on your cock,” You mumble into him, “Want you to fill me up with your cum.” 

Chuuya feels his heart thrum in his throat wildly as he hears you speak before making quick work of your shirt and his tank top until you're both as bare as you were when you were brought into the world. “Yeah? Need me to fill your cute pussy up until my cum is spilling outta ya?” He hovers over you between your spread thighs as he hooks your legs over his hips.  

“Just wanna feel you close to me,” You admit with a sweet and quiet voice, your legs drawing him in until his throbbing cock is rubbing between your pussy lips with his tip nudging at your puffy clit. 

His eyes widen barely before softening, his movements becoming less erratic and eager as he leans down to place a gentle kiss against your lips. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head, doll, m’gonna take care of ya like I always do.” He whispers, his right hand moving to guide the tip of his cock against the entrance of your core. Much like his fingers, his thick length bullies into your warm pussy slowly, stretching and splitting you open on his cock. “Fuuuuck, baby, you take me so well. Can’t get enough of seeing you stretch open on me.” 

Your legs tighten around him as you feel his hips press against yours until his balls are flush with your ass, “You’re s’big— it hurts every time, but it hurts good,” A small whimper leaves you as your hands grip at the bedsheets. 

When Chuuya pulls away, he watches his cock twitch from the loss of warmth your tight hole provided before seeing it stretch you back open to fill you. “God, I’ll never get over you,” He hisses through his teeth, pistoning his cock in and out of you at an agonizing pace, “Your pussy was made for me.” 

Chuuya’s gaze isn’t on where your bodies connect for long before he’s back to hovering over you, pinning your hands above your head. They’re placed palm up on top of one another before being locked in place with his left hand interlocking your fingers. The action makes your heart tighten with affection as well as your fingers when you squeeze his hand. The subtle noise of metal clinking from your wedding bands only makes your heart swell with pure unadulterated love for him further. Your eyes start to water again from the overwhelming emotions and love you feel for him. 

He squeezes your hand back in comfort, eyes studying your teary face, “You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that, doll?” He says out of nowhere, “M’so lucky to have you.” 

You clench around him as you stare back through blurry eyes back into his focused ones, moaning from the way his tip kisses at your g-spot with each thrust. “Mm— Lucky to have you too— you’re so good to me, Chuu,” You mewl out, feeling your stomach twist and coil with intensity.  

“Want you to come for me, please, baby— wanna make you come,” Chuuya’s words grow more pitchy and airier as he reaches his right hand down to rub at your throbbing clit with vigor. 

“A-Ah, fuck—“ Your body arches, hips erratically bucking into his, “C-Coming..! Shit, s’too much.” You sob, tears slipping down your temples and into the mattress. Your cries are soon silenced by Chuuya’s lips swallowing your noises in a passionate, yet sloppy kiss. You muffle incoherently against his lips, but he knows it’s a repeated line of I love you’s as your nails dig into the back of his hand and you cream around his length.  

As your walls spasm around his twitching cock, a guttural groan leaves his throat and he spills his hot, viscous cum deep into your starving pussy until it’s leaking out of your tight hole and down his balls. “Atta girl…” He murmurs through pants, kissing your sweaty forehead lovingly. 

“I love you,” You repeat gently one last time as you both relish in the softness of your afterglow. 

“I love you too,” Chuuya sighs with a ghost of a smile on his face as he admires you underneath him, hand coming down from your hands to wipe away your stray tears, “Promise me you won’t go anywhere, doll? Cause I’ve still got years of loving you left to go.” 

[starsworldd]

Solar Observations pt. 7

readings are open! ⛓️

please take with a grain of salt ⛓️

I used orbs of 3 degrees for aspects from whole signs ⛓️

👾 some of my best sr years have been the years where i’ve had the same sr venus as my natal

👾 looking at the persona chart of your profected year lord can give you a lot of insights for the year ahead i’ve found

👾 chiron on the mc (both solar or natal x solar) shows a year of yearning for something very badly (most likely to be career/goal/experience related)

👾 having positive mercury-saturn aspects (including conjunction depending on sign) is a year where you are on top of your shit, maybe you feel like you conversations with others are thwarted in some way but better than most you’re preparing for something bigger, plans, plans, PLANS!!

👾 saturn conjunct mercury is a really interesting aspect actually for a solar return. it maybe harder to categorize and to process the world around you in a productive way, but you may also learn new subjects/wisdom.

👾 having venus at 28 degrees can indicate an exciting love/crush/relationship happening for that year

👾 moon at 29 degrees can show that from that year on out you will approach life from a very different mindset to what you had before. this mindset can last for a year or your entire life but either way it’s an anaretic degree so BIG STUFF! the sign can show what mindset you’re “ending” (ex: i had moon at 29 degrees in taurus in 2020 and from that year on out i really prioritized productivity and worked to stop my lazy/indulgent habits)

👾 planets at 20 degrees and what house those planets are in can show what themes/events prove to be very mystical or witchy that year. (ex: i had mars and neptune at 20 degrees with mars in the 7th and neptune in the 11th and that year i got back with my old friend group out of random chance and went on my first date with someone from that group😭😭 not me telling you guys my life tea. dating within friend groups is weird and would not recommend btw! but to each their own🩷)

👾 planets at the 1st degree + their houses show where you’re ambitious and what you desire, expect lots of action in these areas

👾 1st house ruler in 1st (aka your chart ruler in one of its domicile places) may mean that your by yourself or more alone, but most likely NOT in a bad way!! (self-care, self-improvement, reflection, etc…). check other houses that the planet rules to see what other important themes are emphasized that year (ex: libra venus in 1st house —> 8th house themes are important as well because taurus rules over the 8th)

👾 going off from the previous observation, planets in angular houses (1, 4, 7, 10) will ALWAYS be prominent throughout your year especially if they’re in domicile/exaltation/detriment/fall.

👾 a lot of celebrities have gotten big time famous the year where they had their 11th house in their 11th (ex: megan thee stallion, doja cat, billie eilish, etc…)

👾 just a tip, but make persona charts of your solar planets! if you don’t know how, go to astro.com, charts and calculations, extended chart selection, blue plus sign in the top right corner then fill out info from your solar return chart. after making this, click the “natal chart” tab, scroll down to “persona chart” :)

👾 jupiter/sagittarius in the 3rd or jupiter-mercury aspects show a lot of activity for the year ahead. fire/air = adventurous/fun activity, water/earth = self-growth/learning related (but arguably the themes can overlap), mercury in the third house is also indicative of a busy year!

👾 when i had mars in my natal 12th house last year i stayed up souper late almost every night regardless of weekend/weekday

👾 planets at 5 degrees show where there’s a lot of exciting things happening (ex: venus at 5 degrees -> lots of interesting meetups with friends, starting new hobbies, etc…, juno at 5 degrees -> partnerships open up new feelings of happiness, feeling loved, etc…). creds to @astrosky33 for this one!

👾 pay attention to the aspects made to your vertex for the year! and also what house the vertex falls in in your natal house. a couple years ago i had venus in my solar 4th trine my solar vertex in 8th conjunc turanus and was able to spend more time resting and doing fun things at home because unexpectedly (uranus) responsibilities/burdens placed upon me were lifted

👾 mars in the 12th house (including solar x natal) can show that you’re trying to break out of bad habits

👾 moon in fire signs can show a time of unrest or lots of physical activity at home, you have a lot of energy to do activities whether they’re serious activities or not

💜🤍💜🖤💜🤍💜🖤💜🤍💜🖤💜

hope you enjoyed!

[dollyhao]

warnings: ellie williams x single mom!reader, nothing pure fluff

ellie and dina are having a snowball fight with the kids at the playground when she hears a sudden baby cry. she looks over quickly and sees a baby boy lying on his back covered in snow crying. she sees one of the kids run over to him, “oh no im sorry tj!” ellie walks over to the boy lifting him in her arms wiping the snow off his face and softly shushing him. “TJ!” you yell following the crying, you reach the park and sigh when you see ellie holding tj.

“tj” you say tired. everyone in jackson knows that you’re young mom and that your baby’s father died right before little tj was born during an unlucky day of patrol. everyone is very kind and gentle with you out of sympathy. you always look tired, exhausted and overall ready to collapse.

you reach ellie and tj thanking ellie for grabbing him. “ever since he learned how to walk, he hasnt stopped,” you rub your forehead “he keeps wandering and its getting harder to keep track of him.” ellie notices the dark circles under your eyes and feels bad, you shouldn’t have to do this alone.

to be honest, ellie has had a major crush on you, even though your a single mom and a little couple years older than her. she doesn’t care. she knows you have a lot going on so she hasnt confessed yet, but she makes sure to show you support. if she notices you didn’t come out for food all day. she’ll get you a plate and bring it to you. she’ll visit you after she comes back from patrol and if she realized you haven’t showered or slept. she’ll let you do that while she watches tj. she makes sure she spends time with you, bringing movies over. you always express how much you appreciate her.

“its alright,” ellie says bouncing tj on her hip, “right buddy? you just wanted to play with the big kids.” you look at her endearingly. you grab tj from her, “ we were coming to find your anyway before you went on patrol,“ you say reaching into your bag pulling out a sandwich. “i wanted to thank you for last night, i probably wouldnt have eaten if it wasnt for you. its a chicken sandwich btw.” ellie blushes looking down at the sandwich in her hand wanting nothing more than to fulfil her fantasy of having a family with you and getting sandwiches from you all the time.

“can i come hang out with you later?” she asks looking up at you. “of course you can,” you say kissing her on the cheek. “bring a movie, k?” she nods and you walk off telling tj to say bye bye, which he does, in cute lil babbles waving his little hands.

“sooo, you going to ya little girlfriend’s house huh.” dina says teasing ellie. “oh shut up” ellie chuckles shoving her walking to the stables.

[cathers-world]

Need more Wilbur nsfw :)

ONLY FOR YOU<3

Warnings: NSFW (duh) and dubious consent!

Afab no pronouns use other than good girl and slut

YES I SAY TUMMY FIGHT ME

Not proof read 😭

Contexts: you and Will have been friends and flirting for a long with lots of teasing and sexual tension and he’s finally had enough.

(Your a streamer btw)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Will has been you friend sense 2019 because you guys streamed together all the time. You live near him so lots of meet ups, and hangouts off cam

For your whole friendship you and will has been very flirty , like VERY slightly rubbing up against his…, sitting on his lap, him whispering things in your ear and shit like that.

Like many times before you were sleeping at his place, the whole night was just teasing. You finally went to sleep leaving him hard and unsatisfied.

So…ya know you were laying in his bed with a cute little nightgown on and no underwear- wait your ass is out nothing covering it, Will thinks to himself his dick got HARDER, he had enough years of teasing and nothing

Will pulls down his sweats, his hard cock springs out and pulls up your dress, slightly rubbing his cock against you already wet pussy

You slightly start waking up, and Will noticed this so he SLAMMED his cock in you making both of you moan “OH FUC-“ you yell before will covers your mouth and says “shhh doll you’ve been teasing me for long enough let me use your tight cunt ok” “mhm” you muffle “good girl”

He flips you on your back facing him throwing you legs on his shoulders and pounding has hard as he can “oh god you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to use you for” he degraded

You feel a tight knot in your tummy “w- will- I need to-“ you whimpered “go ahead cum, cum on my cock slut” right as he said that you release on his length, him not following far behind as he cums in you.

“Such a good girl”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE ON THE LAST ONE<<<<3333

@ogelizasoot

[wekiamo]

fell harder pt 2

skeet ulrich x fem!reader

a/n: here goes part 2! this is a lil longer than my fics usually are, i hope thats not a problem! have fun reading 🤍 BTW SKEET IN THIS GIF BYEE that man is something else

pt. 3 & masterlist

warnings: swearing, fluff

you didn’t get to sleep a lot at night. maybe it’s the anxiety you’re feeling, knowing that today you were going to meet almost everyone you were going to see very often from now on. it’s not a big deal for you, the only big deal is that in “everyone”, skeet ulrich is included.

you fear you’re gonna get nervous and say something weird, act weird making him dislike you. if that was anyone else, it would be okay. but imagine skeet ulrich disliking you? that’s what you think for almost 5 minutes after getting up from bed, while looking at yourself in the mirror.

you figure out you have to convince yourself that he’s a normal person just like you, and that there’s nothing to be scared about.

“yeah, it’s not a big deal. so what if he doesn’t like me?” you tell youself, before opening your fridge and grabbing an apple. you continue talking “i shouldn’t care about what he thinks of me. he’s a human like anyone else, so i’m gonna act like i always do. that’s it!” you sound more convinced than you thought you would be, and that makes a smile grow in your face.

you jump happily around the house, until you get to the couch and throw yourself on it. you turn on the TV and you start watching some kids show, too busy biting your apple to change the channel.

it’s silly, but you find yourself not wanting to change it, so you just keep watching it until you’re done with your apple. you turn off the TV, and start feeling sleepy.

you close your eyes slowly, and then you fall asleep.

—

“damn, that was the best nap i’ve took in such a long time” you say, before checking what time is it.

it’s 4 pm. you remember you didn’t ask dave what time you’re supposed to show up to dinner, then you make your way to your room to get your phone.

“Hey Y/n, meet us at 7. I can pick you up if you want to” 2:20 pm

“smart guy” you think “it’d be cool if he picked me up. meeting someone for the first time in their car would be a… would be definitely a new experience”

“hey, sorry for taking too long, i took a nap” 4:07 pm

“but yes! imma send you my address rq hold on” 4:07 pm

you send him your adress.

you’re hungry.

it’s time for Topanga’s Burgers - your favorite place in the world. well, not really but thats what you call it. actually, it’s just your favorite place to eat burgers. its really near your house and that makes you love it even more. you have befriended literally all the workers there. you love the fact they’re all kind and they really like what they’re doing, you really appreciate it. it makes you remember of how amazing would it be if you had a job you’d love doing. and your last job was definitely not something you loved doing, in fact, it was the complete opposite. you quit it not too long ago and you were living with your savings and your mom’s salary. she lives with you, but she’s on vacation now. anyways, Topanga’s Burgers definitely gives you motivation to keep working hard to get where you want.

you take a bath, put on some clothes you like, do your personal hygiene, and you leave your house.

“y/n!!” a worker greets you with a big smile on her face, leaving the cashier area to come and give you a hug.

“keisha! hey, how have you been?” you hug her back tightly, happy to see her again.

keisha is a 40 years old cheerful and awesome woman. she’s probably one of the most fun friends you have. she also gives you amazing advice about literally anything you ask her about. she’s the best

“i’ve been worried about you. it’s been 3 days you’re not even coming to greet us anymore!” she says, with a genuine look of worry in her eyes. that statement of hers make it pretty obvious you come here a lot.

“yes, and i’m sorry! but i got some pretty good news”

“save it just for a minute” she says, and turns around to call the rest of the workers to hear the news you have “guys, come here! y/n’s back with good news”

everyone in the burger shop starts looking, but you don’t really care. it doesn’t embarrass you anymore.

you greet everyone coming your way as they make a circle and adjust to it, to hear the news.

“come closer” you say, and they do.

“you know when i auditioned for scream 7, right? so… i did it”

“YOU GOT THE ROLE?” keisha screamed, as some other workers gasp.

“I DID” you reply with a big smile and a happy nod, as they start jumping and screaming in excitement as you do too.

“you’re not so useless, are you?” tom joked, and everyone laughed including you.

“but seriously now, who’s going to be working with you?” tom asked in a curious tone

“there’s someone special. really special”

“hurry and give us a hint” said angelica, a funny old woman who works as a cleaning lady.

“okay, okay, you’ll have to get it right. it’s this really hot middle-aged man who you all know i always had a crush on”

“no way. skeet ulrich? he’s going to be in scream 7 too?”

“yes ma’am!”

“guys, didn’t scream end in the third movie?” linda asked.

“shut up linda, let her speak” the old woman shushed her daughter, making everyone let out a laugh

“and i’m going to meet him. today”

“wait the shootings are already starting?” tom asked you.

“no, it’s just that the cast is going to have dinner together today. and i’m going to meet SKEET ULRICH”

“tell us more. where’s it gonna be?”

“i’ll tell you all after you take my order, ‘cause im like really hungry… please?”

keisha comes running to the cashier area, to get your order. there’s another man there too in all black with a black cap too, kind of covering his face - he's probably waiting for a while now since the workers were all in a circle screaming and jumping few seconds ago.

you watch keisha greet the guy and take his order, walking to the cashier area to stand right beside him.

as she’s there taking notes of his order, he looks at you and pushes his cap up, while you turn your head to see him. you’re now able to see his face.

“oh my fucking god” you think.

“hi, i’m skeet. what a funny coincidence! we’re filming scream 7 together, right?” he greets you with a handshake and a grin, as you turn your body to him and not just your head

keisha gasps. she starts laughing at your face as she goes to prepare his order.

there’s no fucking way. skeet ulrich is right in front of you and 100% heard you saying he’s hot and you have a crush on him. your cheeks turn red.

“hello” you say stuttering a bit “i’m y/n y/l/n, it’s nice to meet you” your hands still in his. his touch is warm and you find yourself not wanting to drop it. but you did, before it makes the situation awkward.

it’s not like you love him. it’s just that you’ve had a crush on him for the last 15 years. not a big deal… right?

you remember your own words.

i shouldn’t care about what he thinks of me. he’s a human like anyone else, so i’m gonna act like i always do.

“that’s it” you finish your sentence once again, but this time not out loud.

“so…” he starts

“here’s your order, sir. sorry for the wait, again”

“it’s okay, don’t worry about it. i was called hot, you know”

he really heard you. “shit”, you think to yourself

keisha laughs. you eye her, looking done and she covers her mouth to stop laughing.

“i’ll wait for you”

“nice. he wants to sit with me. how awkward is that going to be?” you think, but you stop quickly “no. it’s not going to be awkward. once again, he’s just a normal guy who’s talking to me! nothing more than that”

“like always, please”

keisha nods, still with a smile in her face stopping herself from laughing again. she goes to the kitchen and start preparing your order.

“listen, i’m sorry. can you pretend you didn’t hear me? please?”

“right ma’am. you didn’t lie, though. i am indeed hot”

“hey!” you reply, chuckling.

“sorry, sorry. but you laughed”

you start talking to him, waiting for keisha to come with your order. she’s usually really fast with your order, but today it’s taking a little too long.

she’s definitely doing it on purpose for you to keep talking to him.

you’re really enjoying it, though. he’s a nice guy and you’re a nice girl, a perfect match. you seem to get along really well. you notice something quickly - his moves are gentle and not too fast. you’re the complete opposite, but you love it when people move calmly like this, it comforts you, you have no idea why.

keisha gives you your order as you thank her and gives her a smile.

“let’s go ma’am” he smirks at you, guiding you to a table.

“you come here often?” he asks, obviously making fun of you

“take a guess” you say and you both giggle.

“is it going to be your first time?” he asks

“hm?”

“playing a part in a movie”

oh.

“ah yes. i’ve never been part of a movie before. i’m really nervous about it to be honest. i’m not sure if i’ll be able to do my best”

“don’t worry, it’s not rocket science. all you’re going to do is pretend to be someone for a while”

“are you sure that’s all?”

“well, i told myself that exact same thing for every role i played and it went great”

“i’m talking to billy loomis right now, so i guess i’ll have to trust you.”

“yes, i’m a middle aged hot man, you should trust me”

you both laugh and he starts again “jokes aside, i’ll always be on set. if you need some advice, just call me and i’ll help you, ok?“

“thank you skeet. i really appreciate it”

you kept talking to him until you were both done eating.

somehow, this guy makes you feel comfortable around him. maybe it’s just your daddy issues, but you doubt it. this man has something in him that feels just right.

“we gotta go now. we have dinner with the cast, remember?”

“am i gonna have to see you again?” you joke as you get up and he does too, and he gasps ironically

“the middle-aged man here did not like it!”

“oh stop it” you say walking beside him to the exit and he chuckles softly.

“you want a ride home, kid?” skeet asks you, as he turns to you.

“no thanks, i live near here. you can go”

“okay then, see you later tonight!” he waves tilting his head and smiling softly as he enters his car. you wave back.

“wait”

“yes?”

“do you want me to pick you up for dinner?”

oh god. you wanted to say yes, but what about dave? wouldn’t he be upset?

“i’m sorry skeet, dave’s already going to pick me up” you say, with sort of a sad tone, trying not to upset skeet.

“it’s alright. dave, huh?” he smirks at you

“do not.” you reply quickly, raising your eyebrowns and lowering your head

“okay, okay” he laughs “see ya!”

you smile in response.

in 3 seconds, you’re going to process everything that just happened.

3,

2,

1.

“no way” you say out loud.

someone touched your shoulders behind you, making you jump with the unexpected touch, relaxing right after you see it’s angelica

“little girl you better tell me everything” she said with her hands still on your shoulders.

[thatdeadaquarius]

I have recently come to the conclusion that if my Genshin Impact account was self aware, my Bennet would be slightly even more unlucky than a regular Bennet. This is due to my birthday and since its coming up I've been brainrotting for the past few days. Let me explain:

Bennet's birthday is February 29th, aka Leap Year. This means Benny only has a real birthday once every four years, which is bad enough. But according to canonical game lore, when he doesn't have his actual birthday, he celebrates it on the 28th.

My birthday is February 28th.

Now, I'd like to think that in your typical SAGAU the creator's birthday is a BIG DEAL. I'm talking festivals, parades, feasts, gifts exchanged between friends and family as well as gifts offered to the creator! The whole nine yards! An entire world partying from sunrise to moonset.

So with this in mind, Bennet's birthday would either be celebrated the day after the biggest holiday party in Teyvat (meaning everyone who attends would be all partied out) or during my birthday (meaning that everyone would be focused on ME instead of Bennet, which is just unfair! He can't even take pride in being born the same day as the creator b/c he was born the day after!!!!).

Anyway, if I was isekai'd to Genshin and worshipped as a god, I would simply give Bennet his own holiday. Poor kiddo deserves a win and if it takes me telling my acolytes quote, "Everyone will to celebrate Bennet's holiday. No exceptions, no excuses. And if his holiday party doesn't end up a success, I will destroy all of Teyvat and then myself. :3c" then so be it. That last statement is a joke, but watching everyone try their absolute hardest to give my adopted little brother the best birthday possible would be worth the fear of the vague threat of the world's destruction in the eyes of my worshipers me thinks.

If you add to this brainrot, please feel free to ignore that last part if everyone panicking over the possibility of apocalyptic destruction makes you uncomfortable. Likewise, don't rush this out by my birthday if you don't have time. I'm also in college and have multiple assignments due both before and after my birthday so I know this upcoming week will be hellish in terms of academics. So don't push yourself, okay?

So yeah. Thanks for reading! Hope you have a nice day!

JOKES ON YOU IM DOIN THIS FIRST BC ITS NEAR UR BIRTH WHEN I SAW THIS - HAHAHA (also timezones r wack so hope i timed it good enough for u lmao)

HOPE ALL UR ASSIGNMENTS VANISH / R SUPER EASY AND TAKE NO TIME AT ALL TO DO SO U HAVE MORE FREE TIME TO READ MY BIRTHDAY GIFT TO YOU ANON <3

Have a pretty miku hatsune gif <3

YEAH SO U ENTERED UR BDAY INTO GENSHIN U KNOW THAT RIGHT??

WELL SINCE THAT WAS THE BASICS OF THE GAME/AT THE START-

TEYVAT HAS KNOWN YOUR BIRTHDAY AS LONG AS LIFE HAS LIVED ON TEYVET LOL

◇

So if it's your birthday and you have been isekaied to Teyvat in time for it,

or been there for that long bc how does one un-isekai themselves?? anyway

and its like,, pandemonium.

bc idealistically u surprise these bitches around/close to ur birthday, so everyone's gettin in that festival mood and then BAM- itd be like if the spirits/demons showed up irl for Halloween randomly one year, like- ???!!!

so everyone's just

"well we usually have a lot of fun/praise the highest being anyway, hoping they'll hear us thru whatever barrier's between us (coughstupidcomputercough), but now... we've got to go harder than any century before guys, they're actually here, nobody panic, this isn't a drill- somebody fucking grab the champagne- "

◇

So for a second, imagine the sweetest anyone has ever been to you.

now imagine another person does something just as sweet for you, now add another, now add another, now add-

yeah i hope u got a hoddie so u can go to sweatertown when u get too embarassed/shy, bc the compliments??

"I really like your voice btw, this may sound strange but it was always so comforting pulling those all nighter for another akademiya project, and just hearing you joking around or humming, what felt like only for me or to keep me company ;) " - Lisa

"I hope you don't mind me doing this, as I wasn't trying to invade you privacy when I came upon this knowledge, but I thought it would make a useful gift. I know you were frustrated when you came here that there wasn't as much cosmetics so I used alchemy to aid your cause, this is some color changing nail polish-"

-Albedo has gotten u ur exact foundation shade, concealer, a skin clearing serum that works 100x better than any skincare routine u had going/or not lol, and if you dont really wear makeup or do skin care, he has a backup of all ur fav perfumes/colognes that u wish u had in ur old world (he heard u ranting abt wanting those scents/stuff u liked like cherries or sandalwood etc.)

◇

bc even if ur not the type to feel that way when ppl do things like that for u, i promise u will be by the end of your birthday week.

everyone in teyvat wants your first in person birthday to be perfect,

ESPECIALLY the allogenes, or the playable characters

doesn't even matter if your FTP and dont have a single character outside of the beginners,

(they all had access to things like your voice, your actions, your social media, yae miko may or may not have personally printed off enough copies of a book full of any selfies/pics with you in it to reach every corner of teyvat ahem, she means what- nothing at all my beautiful god-)

anyway that is to say, your birthday month is generally really bountiful, both in festivals and teyvat itself, regardless if its dead winter or scorching summer

◇

but for the sake of ANON'S BIRTHDAY-

You have now been forcibly converted into a Pisces - gasp - from this moment on,

ik tragic im an aquarius 😔,

Bc this is anon's Teyvat rn and we're just living in it

(genshincharactersaboutyoubelike-)

◇

You don't know which authority figure to thank first for helping organize your week so you can go to a different city's festival for you every day of your bday week, it must have been hell to make 💀

(rip ningguang alhaitham jean and ayaka/ayato yall will be missed 💧🙏)

U kind of worked ur way backwards actually from game release country's dates, like Sumeru, Inazuma, Liyue, Mondstadt

Bc when they asked if u had a preference u whole heartedly spoke up in front of a room full of arguably the most influential and powerful people on the continent, in the world really- well besides you-

"Mondstadt would be a great festival to have on my actual birthday! After all one of my best boys Bennett, also has his birthday that day too!" :)

...

.....somewhere in the Wolvendom wilds Bennett shivers with a bolt of anxiety,

Razor is confused and asks if he's ok, he gives a shaky thumbs up,

"yeah i just... got the scariest feeling.. like something bad's gonna happen on my birthday this week... haha probably nothing!... probably..."

◇

So everyone's been pretty chill and happy for Benny to be so favored/spoiled by you, esp since ur sharing ur bday (most ppl think ur a saint bc of this)

But for some pretentious assholes, who think traditions should be adhered to, they kinda dont even like the stuff ur changing-

"Oh well, if you don't just celebrate Benett's birthday with mine, and really anyone else who's bday is also mine, I'll just ruin your country ;) "

...

Some ppl get ur joking, like alhaitham would never believe u,

But these poor old fools, coughsagescough,

R just like-

"...an eldritch god is angry with us."

Needless to say u get ur way,

And poor Benny is just like, shaking in the corner, he can't tell if this is more unlucky or the luckiest he's been lol

(He's also one of the allogenes who did not rlly get ur joke lmao,,, also Itto💀)

◇

If your somehow not overhwhlemed by gifts and acts of service on ur birthday,

Benny is.

Benny is for you.

Lol, he's like gonna make himself sick bc he cant just say "No thanks" to all the ppl giving you food, but end up giving him some too by proxy

He cant even count how many candies and baked goods are weighing down his pockets

Oh did i mention you've just like, linked arms with the little guy and dragged him wherever Mond's citizens r dragging you for the birthday festivities :)

◇

While he was mostly just in shock all day, Benny does take the time to tear up and thank you for sharing your birthday*

(*both of your birthdays, u correct him all day)

Jean, Barabra, Diluc, Kaeya, Amber, Traveler, Razor Sucrose Fischl and Klee (and Varka + older adventurers/his dads)

are all super happy to finally see the poor kid get the biggest break ever for his birthday finally

Esp after they saw the last few... yknow... non-existant ones... bc he only has a bday every 4 years lol

◇

Nearly starts sobbing publicly when u give him a present for his bday too :')

And after you all do a big toast for an evening bday dinner, u hug him and he actually cries a little, and he squeezes u back super hard

"I always thought I was too unlucky to get a birthday like this, but I guess if even a god like you hasn't given up on me, I shouldn't give up on me either, thank you for the best birthday I've ever had Your Majesty!"

:')

♡

(Tho Klee did sneakily give u and him some of her best and brightest bombs as a bday gift, so he did get a little singed but he barely noticed lmao)

♡

I hope my ass writing/ideas was a decent bday gift anon! :0

I love Pisces sm, i hope ur bday was/will be incredible anon!! :) <33

Safe Travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[itsaspectrumcomic]

On anon bc identifiable info - advice/thoughts? - This is really long, I'm sorry D: I'm a rambler and all the info is important (to me)

I've always had problems with stuff (according to my mom, "things have always been harder for [me] than everyone else") like I'm always the last one out the door, I lose things a lot (like hats and pencils and water bottles) because I set them down and don't realize, I have a lot of trouble doing textbook homework/notes bc I have trouble focusing

And I have a lot of trouble with social stuff, I never have a lot of friends, I can't keep friends for more than like four years, I feel really disconnected with people and people generally initially like me but like me significantly less after interacting with me a bit

I read a lot, and when I was a kid I would lose all sense of reality outside the book until someone touched me or I finished the book, but I've had a harder and harder time reading anything but fanfic as I've gotten older, and I have a lot of trouble reading very technical/instructions/nonfiction stuff

I have pretty bad insomnia, and spent ~2 years when I was 10-13 ish sleeping ~3-4 hrs/night weekdays and ~12 hrs/night weekends, I have a really hard time getting to sleep specifically - and (tmi maybe tw eating) I've had chronic minor eating issues and constipation (chronic minor dehydration, losing ~ 10 lbs over summers from not eating, etc. like I'm not dying or anything but this will probably eventually cause wear damage)

---

But I'm also a very good student, very smart, generally very good at what I choose to do, I just became a National Merit semifinalist, like, I'm doing "fine". I'm not dying, I'm not failing classes or anything, I've struggled since second semester year before last with getting things done, but I have like a 3.7 gpa rn (I could have a 4 if I tried harder (while I am capable of trying harder, it would destroy me))

I was in Gifted + Talented in elementary school, I'm an honors/ap student (my G+T teacher told my mom that the "gifted" basically means "neurodivergent")

---

I didn't get help for anything until last year, when I kinda fell off (as much as you can fall off while getting a 3.7 gpa ig) and got assessed for insomnia, which I got help with pretty easily (apart for waiting times) which was amazing. Almost went too well iykwim

And I was looking into why I was having such a hard time with everything (social, focus, sleep, schoolwork,etc) and I resonated a lot with autism and some of the feeling very disconnected from society/ other people but I was like eeeh, I'm a teen and idk I'm not, like, having it that bad, so I was looking into more quantitative solid stuff and I took the AQ + CAT-Q + stuff which still have very subjective questions but I tried to be honest and I got 32 (AQ) and 139 (CAT-Q) and 157 (RAADS-R) but like idk I could be biased or misunderstanding or idk

I mentioned feeling like I had more, underlying issues to the doctor I'm seeing for the insomnia and she was basically like "I work with autistic kids - you're not autistic" which like on one hand, you're the expert and I've only really interacted with the internet so idk but on the other, you've spent all of two hours with me, mostly asking me direct questions about my sleep or talking to my mother, like, ofc you haven't seen anything of me. Did I make too much fake eye contact with you?? (BTW if you dislike eye contact for any reason, which I always have, look at noses (my mother taught me this one) or hair (my personal fav) bc it looks like you're looking at the face, but you aren't!!)

this is getting very long winded, I'm sorry if you choose to read all this but thank you it means a lot to me to get someone who knows something's thoughts on this

So I was like "I am having other problems" and she was like "I suspect you may have inattentive type adhd" and I was initially like what?? but I'm not hyperactive. Can't have adhd. What. But I've been kinda thinking about it and lurking at the edge of adhd communities and googling stuff (google is not helpful) and maybe? idk

SO to get to my point/question

I'm very smart. (not tryna be conceited it's just I am) I'm not currently *dying* struggling, though I am having trouble staying on top of classwork

I'm a girl

I live in the USA

I'm pretty good at acting normal, I have a couple friends (one has diagnosed adhd, one has diagnosed autism, one I'm not sure, one I think? could be neurotypical? but she's also like really not idk) (I (only?) have four friends (which is a lot, for me))

I don't know if I'm "adhd enough" (or "autistic enough" if I was right initially) ((or both idk)) to get a diagnosis. I have hypermobility that causes issues with my joints and has led to me not exercising enough and having to quit violin but I'm not hypermobile "enough" to get a diagnosis or help for it (which sucks because it's literally affecting my quality of life, like, I could be an amazing musician if I didn't have this. D: )

If I try, will I get a diagnosis, or will I be "adhd, but not enough"? Should I continue to spend (my parent's insurance) money on this if it probably won't go anywhere? I'm currently 17, starting my senior year of high school. Will things get disrupted in transition to college? If I go abroad for college?

Also, will I crash and burn in college without my mother's considerable support? (tw eating again) I have always had a really hard time getting and preparing and eating food, and without her/structure idk how much I will eat. I loose weight over the summer bc we don't eat as a family much. when I'm on my own, will I struggle even more? Especially trying to juggle food and school and living independently? What about after college? My uncle was fine until he graduated college and now he's alone and a misogynist and mormon and lives with my grandma and seems kinda really miserable except way more hate-filled - am I doomed to the same path?

anyways this is really dark I'm sorry

specific questions for you are:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

If you decide to answer this, partially or completely, thank you, it means a lot to me to get someone else's thoughts on this, if not, I completely understand, either way, I hope you have a good day :)

Hello! A lot of what you wrote feels very familiar to my own experience - I was also considered a good student but found things increasingly difficult to cope with, struggled socially, lost and forgot stuff, couldn't focus etc. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way!

You are not doomed and you are not your uncle. Things can always get better, even when you're at your lowest. You never know what will happen next - you could make a friend, you could discover a new passion, you could be offered a cool opportunity, you could get the chance to pet a really friendly dog. Life isn't a straight line - you might be struggling for a bit, and then some nice stuff will happen, and then you might go through a rough patch again, but then things will improve again and you might feel better than you did before.

For eating when you go to college - identify the foods you generally find easy to make and eat and make sure you have a supply avaliable for when you're struggling. For me, that's pasta (you can get dry pasta which lasts ages in the cupboard, but you could also try fresh ravioli which has stuff inside like spinach or tomato or cheese so it's a bit more varied), crackers, bananas, and breakfast bars. That way if you can't make a proper meal, you at least eat something. Also try to carry a water bottle with you everywhere (if you struggle to drink water you could try flavoured water or juice.) If you forget about needing to eat you could set alarms to remind yourself.

Side note: did you know that hypermobility and autism very often occur together?

Onto your questions:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

It's definitely worth looking into - I can't guarantee you'll get a diagnosis because it really depends on the person/people assessing you and some are more biased than others (if you're able to choose, look for people who say they specialise in diagnosing women and girls or have positive reviews from people in that demographic). Personally I found it helped a lot with getting accommodations, people understanding me, and understanding myself (even before the diagnosis was official). I will say it's usually quite a long process so be prepared for that.

Btw, you can definitely have ADHD without being hyperactive - that's the inattentive type which is more about trouble focusing.

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

Honestly a lot of what you've written will probably come up in an assessment! I had to fill out a form with info about my experiences as a child and the traits I have now, as did my mum. If you're high masking (basically when you try to act 'normal' and hide your neurodivergent traits) do your best not to mask so the assessor gets to see you as you really are.

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

Untypical by Pete Wharmby is an excellent book if you want to learn more about autistic experiences. The author is autistic himself and has an engaging writing style.

How to ADHD is a YouTube channel that focuses on coping techiques for ADHD and is informative as well.

I've found the autism communities on Reddit to be welcoming and supportive - you might like r/AutismInWomen which is inclusive and accepting of self diagnosis and those who are questioning.

You could also follow some of these people on instagram:

morgaanfoley - posts about her experiences as an autistic person

_ellawillis - posts about autism and ADHD and their daily life

candy.courn - posts about autism and disability as well as how that intersects with their experience as an asian person. Also has the most beautifully pink house

colourblind_zebra - makes cute and colourful art about chronic illness and neurodiversity

elliemidds - posts about autism and adhd and runs a community called We are Unmasked (weareumasked on insta)

itsemilykaty - posts about autism, mental health, and her book Girl Unmasked (which I haven't read yet but is supposed to be very good!)

Side note: I also have an instagram if you'd like to follow :) I'm itsaspectrumcomic there as well!

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

Therapy can help a lot - with the right therapist! Look for people who specialise in neurodivergence, particularly in girls. The best ones are on the spectrum themselves :) It's OK if you don't click with the first one you try. You can 'shop around' until you find someone you're comfortable with (which I know can be exhausting but it's worth it when you find the right one).

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

Like I said before, things will get better, and then you might struggle for a while, and then things get better again. It comes in waves, at least for me. I know when you're having a hard time it can feel like it's going to last forever, but I promise it won't. There are always bright spots.

[readerwithsalt]

Rating the Differences In How People Reacted to Nico Saying He Would Not Be Accepted At Camp.

(Btw not a hater on percico, jasico, or solangelo in this post, this is just fact checking lol)

1. Percy

In Battle of the Labyrinth, Nico is 11 years old and Percy is 15. At the end of the book Nico asks:

“do you really think they’ll ever accept me here?”

Percy says nothing. An indication of - No.

Now a lot of people say that since Percy was only a child it’s not his fault that he didn’t try harder to make him stay, but this doesn’t make much sense.

Percy is a teenage camp counselor meant to teach and protect the younger halfbloods. He even calls himself a leader in the camp. In this book he’s gone overboard with trying to find Nico and feeling a large sense of protectiveness over him but doesn’t have that same energy with wanting him to stay at camp and allows this actual child who is eleven, to leave by himself because in Percy’s own words:

‘Nico would have to find his own dark path.’

I realize Nico didn’t feel welcome and brushed Percy off a bit but honestly If my godly parent didn’t have a cabin I wouldn’t have felt welcome either. Percy should’ve petitioned the whole “maybe we should care about other gods besides the olympians” much sooner.

Rating 3/10 (maybe a 4/10)

2. Jason

The first time Nico insinuates that he is not welcome at the camp, he and Jason are on a balcony. This is after Nico’s forced outing and Jason is feeling different towards Nico than previous chapters. He is more protective and feels like he understands Nico a little more.

Jason says things along the lines of:

“maybe you should take a chance and come out of the shadows, it’s better than hiding.”

Nico gets quiet and very angry at the word.

“hiding?” He whispers.

And Jason gets frightened but stands his ground, even when the floor starts cracking under Nico’s pissed off boots. Nico ends up brushing Jason off and says that he’s made his mind up and for the moment Jason decides to not push further.

Until Blood of Olympus. At the end of this book Nico has already decided to give camp another chance (though I’m not quite sure what the difference is between giving camp another chance in this book vs the last Olympian) but Jason runs up to him, ready to give him all he’s got one last time. Pretty much:

“I know you said your leaving but I’ve got to try one more time-“

“I’m staying”

So this proves Jason was not going to force Nico to stay nor tell him camp wouldn’t accept him. But he was still ready to keep this boy at camp since he felt a connection with him, and cared alot, enough to offer his father food and prayers to help Nico.

He didn’t want to stand by and say nothing, nor did he want to gaslight Nico and make him feel dumb for wanting to leave. He respected Nico a lot here, and didn’t make Nico feel like his past experiences meant absolutely nothing….

Rating 10/10

3. Will

When Nico insinuates to Will Solace that he’s leaving bc he won’t be accepted, this is the very first interaction between the pair in the 8 previous books ever.

At first Will is surprised and then gets very angry. He begins telling Nico angrily that no one had ever pushed him away (incorrect) and that he’d completely pushed himself away (not quite correct).

He says Nico would see people want to be his friend if he ‘got out of his brooding cloud’

To say that to Nico, the most traumatized and lonely character in the books, is a slap in the face to the readers and the character. In my opinion.

He gaslights Nico in such an extreme way without even knowing him that it surprised me that some people thought this was ‘cute’. People have pushed Nico away out of fear and stuff. We know this because we’ve been in their heads. We’ve heard the offhand comments.

Will either knows what people say about him (which makes his statement even more rude and hurtful) or he turns a blind eye and pretends not to (even worse).

Some readers say that he only said this because it was true or that Nico needed to hear it but this is simply not true. Will solace is pretty much saying what Jason was but in the worst way possible.

I would have given this character the benefit of the doubt and say ‘hey, maybe he’s grown to understand Nico more’ but after reading a passage in tsats this year, apparently Will still thinks the exact same thing proving he still doesn’t quite respect or understand Nicos past experiences even by the end of tsats and even though he’s been dating Nico about a year….

I wonder if it’s toxic positivity or something….

0/10

extra. Hazel.

I just put her in here because she understands Nicos situation the most. They are both children of the underworld and are treated differently at their camps. Although, Rome doesn’t quite have the gated fence community that camp halfblood does (or did). Rome treats Hazel more of like her own person rather than the child of so and so. Camp halfblood seems to see Nico as just his parentage most of the time. Same for the children of minor gods.

So I was pretty surprised at BOO for having Nico try AGAIN at this camp that doesn’t quite deserve him instead of going with his sister to a place that made him feel a bit more welcome (even if Rome calls children of Hades and Neptune bad luck).

Hazel is kind of out of the loop about Nico wanting to leave but let’s be honest, if Nico had really left Hazel would be the first to run after him and make him stay with her lol.

I do believe Nico should have stayed with his favorite person that he cares about the most instead of a random background character that tends to gaslight a bit and a camp that looks at him differently for things he can’t control.

100/10 bc it’s Hazel~

End.

(Also read this new comic about an alternate tsats au on @nove-thee its going to get good I can tell lol.)

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Can you write about the Last Ronin where we were his girlfriend before everything went to shit and we meet him again but he also get to meet his child as well? Btw I frickin' love your fanfiction, I hope you keep expanding you work.🥹

16 Years: part 1 (Angst)

TLR!Michelangelo x reader

Part 2 (18+) Part 3 (18+)

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A/N: Thank you so much🖤 I feel like writing for TLR has opened whole new world of writing for me, and I will love to do more, even if I cry every time😭🖤 I had “Tout L'univers” by Gjon’s Tears playing on repeat as I was writing this, so when I tell you I was bawling my eyes out, I was BAWLING. For some reason I just had to make everything worse for poor Mikey😭

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Warnings: Spelling, The Last Ronin and The Lost Years spoilers, loss of loved ones, loss of child, mentioning of suicide, trauma, self hatred, crying (not just in writing, omg), and probably a lot more.

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For 16 years, Mikey had tried to live with the spirits of those he had lost. Trying to find peace with them, and let them be. But he just couldn’t. Mikey just couldn’t rest with all these faces he used to love surrounding him, knowing that he could not help them. Raphael, Leonardo, Casey, April, the Fugetoid, Master Splinter, Donatello, Gerel, Shaka. All of them haunted him, speaking to him, telling him what to do. His brothers even went so far as to belittle him for his actions and failures. Every. Single. Day.

But if there was one face that Mikey couldn’t handle around him, it was yours. He dared not to look at you, nor the child you carried on your hip. The pain from seeing the two of you, in complete silence, not speaking a single word, being the only ones that actually did as he asked - staying quiet and letting him think. He looked at you once, the pain of seeing you and the young child in your arms, was almost enough for him to end it all before he even made it to Korea.

But though Mikey never looked at you, he felt your presence with him everywhere he went. You always followed closely behind, carrying your little bundle of love, just like you did the day he lost you…

Mikey hated how clearly he remembered it. It had been absolute chaos. They never had a chance. Leo had told him to bring April and the Fugetoid, all making sure nothing happened to you. You, Mikey’s girlfriend, who had been in the second stage of your first pregnancy. You, the only woman that Mikey had ever loved. You, the only person who was willing to let him think of something, other than his horrible war of a family feud, and his so-called destiny. You, the love of his life, and the only reason Mikey has seen a reason to fight in the first place…

Mikey had lingered for too long. That’s at least what he told himself. He should just have done as Leo had said, and gotten you out of the building. He should never had hesitated. If he hadn’t, then maybe you wouldn’t have been caught in the explosion. Then maybe you, April… and the kid would still have been alive.

Mikey still remembered how strangely numb he had been when he woke up from the explosion. His body ached all over, but it was as if he felt nothing. You were all gone. There was no way any of you could have survived that explosion. Leo, the Fugetoid, Casey, April, you… and them. That was what Mikey referred to the long lost life as - them. Giving them a name would just slowly kill him over time, making everything harder than it needed to be. Almost as hard as it was so leave the ruins of your grave, without trying to look for your body. But as much as Mikey wanted to stay and look for you, he had to leave for the last family he had left, before they too were gone.

But like always, he was too late for that too. Donnie and Master Splinter was already far gone when he made it to Japan. That was Mikey’s breaking point, and the first time he wished to end his suffering. Everyone was gone. His friends, his brothers, his father, the love of his life and his unborn child. Mikey was angry. Not just at the world around him, but himself. He could just have stayed with the two of you. He could have found you and laid you to rest. Giving you, his brother, his friends and his child a proper burial. But he didn’t, and he hated himself for it.

Mikey hated himself everyday. He hated himself for not being able to protect you, and he hated himself for not taking care of you. And taking care of his own damn child. As he forced himself through the snow of the Japanese mountains, as he trained under Master Yip, when he momentarily went blind in Mongolia, and when he had to fight for his life in Ukraine, before finally defeating Death Worm in Italy, all Mikey could do was think about you and how hate himself. But soon he learned that there was only one way to make up for his mistakes. Revenge. Revenge for all that had been done to his family. Oroku Hiroto would have to feel the pain that Mikey had been feeling for the past 16 years. And that was what Mikey came to New York for. Revenging all of his family, especially the one that didn’t even have a name.

But as it has happened so many times, Mikey’s plans did not go as he intended. His first assault on Oroku Hiroto was a failure to put it frankly, leaving him wounded as he had to retreat to the sewers he once called his home. Here he intended to do what any honorable ninja would do - take his own life before the enemy could get him. But then, for the first time in 16 years, life had better plans for him, the universe deciding to keep him alive once more. Mikey’s wounds were so great, that he passed out of blood loss before any harm could be done to him. That was when Casey Marie found him, calling out for her mother, telling her to help.

Mikey woke up in a warm bed a few hours later. Confused, he scanned his surroundings, wondering if he was dead. It looked like the lair - his old home. But then he saw April, and for the first time the world shone a light upon him. April, his dearest friend, was alive. In all these years, she had been alive. He learned that she was not alone. Her daughter was there too.

“Is it just you and your daughter down here?”, Mikey asked as he slowly swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

“No”, April answered calmly, a smile spreading over her face. “We do live with two others. I really think you should meet them, Michelangelo. Right now they’re out in the sewers, looking for stuff to bargain with on the Black Market, but I think they could be home any time soon”.

And as if April’s words were magical, distant clatter of metal could be heard, alerting them to people entering the lair.

“Aunt April!”, the voice of a young man yelled, the volume of his voice getting stronger as he approached the room. Then he barged in, proudly holding up something in his hand. It looked like a little metal lump with wires sticking out all over the place. “See what I found! Can you believe it?! Someone just dropped this into the sewer! Don’t they know how much this is worth?! Idiots! Imagine the comic books I can get out of Tinker with this! I can finish father’s old collection!”

Mikey froze at the sight of the boy. It was not his impressive height he had for a teenager, nor the muscles on his arms that shocked Michelangelo, but it was the color of the boy's skin. It was green. Light green to be specific. Mikey’s eyes wandered over him, taking him in, ignoring the growing smile on April’s lips, or how the boy suddenly seemed to notice the large turtle’s presence in the room. Mikey’s mouth was dry as he saw the three slender fingers on his hands, his lack of hair, the outline of what looked like a plastron on his front, and the unmistakable shell-like shape on his back. And his eyes, strangely recognizable.

The boy’s hand fell to his side, the metallic object suddenly not seeming interesting anymore. His eyes wide as he took the stranger sitting on the bed. Mikey in turn just stared. The two of them looking with their mouths agasp.

“Yoshi”, a voice sounded out in the hallway, breaking the silence. Mikey’s heart almost stopped. He knew that voice. It was the voice he had longed for so long. The voice he had blamed himself for silencing. Yet there it was. Just outside the door. “Be nice to your aunt. She might be working…”

You froze in the doorway. Mikey almost broke down. It was the face he had forced himself to look away from for 16 years. The face of the silent woman that used to carry a baby around wherever he traveled. You looked older, but still as beautiful as the day he first met you. Your eyes sparkling with the same light he fell in love with, all those years ago.

“Mikey?” you whispered, holding back a sop as your eyes began to water. The mentioning of his name caused the boy’s eyes to flicker.

Mikey could only nod, feeling his heart pump his blood so fast that he was starting to get dizzy. You ran to him, hugging him tighter than you ever had before. His hands tightened around you, his throat knotting up, making him fight for air. He buried his face against the crock of your neck, feeling all of your muscles move as you sobbed against him. You cradled his head against you, holding him against you, tracing his head, shell, shoulders and arms.

“I’ve missed you so much, Mikey”, you sobbed, bringing his head up to look at you, before placing a quick kiss on his lips. That was what broke him. He returned your quick kiss with urgency before he broke down in tears, hiding his face against you once more. 16 years of fear and pain finally boiled over, Mikey could finally let it go. At least for a short while. He almost clawed at your clothes in order to get you closer to him. It was as if no physical connection was enough.

“I’ve missed you too, (Y/N)”, he choked out, letting the tears fall as your comforting hands made shapes on his skin.

“Mom?”

Still holding on to Mikey, you turned to look at the boy. The poor guy looked so confused, but Mikey had a feeling. The boy most likely also had. Both of them just waiting for her to confirm what they had already guessed.

“Yoshi, sweetheart”, you said, wiping a tear away, before reaching out a hand to him. “Come and say hello to your father”.

Neither Yoshi or Mikey said a word, staring at each other as he made his way over to you. April wiped one of her own tears away, before she left the room with a smile, closing the door behind her. It was time for the three of you to catch up.

You slowly moved out of the way, letting Yoshi stand in front of Mikey. None of them knew what to say. All they could do was look at each other, trying to calm their erratic breathing. Then suddenly, Yoshi launched forward, wrapping his arms around his father in a tight embrace, the tears rolling down his face. Mikey hugged back immediately, finally getting a chance to hug the kid he thought he had lost.

“I’m sorry, Yoshi”, Mikey choked out, trying his best to keep calm. “I’m sorry I couldn't take care of you and your mother”.

“It’s okay, dad”, Yoshi said, smiling even though his eyes were overflowing and his body was shaking. “I took care of her while you were gone”.

[boyfhee]

DISTANT MEMORY · pjs

synopsis · jay seems like a stranger, you wish you were dreaming ( ~ 1k )

genre · angst :/

notes · for my lovely @homelycat bff again. btw im still on hiatus i just wanted to drop this promised jay angst, i hope u all read this suffer a lot

silence fills your kitchen, a wisp emerges from your coffee and vanishes into thin air. your fingers tip press a little harder around your cup; there's something wrong with jay today.

you notice the way he hasn't looked at you since you've sat at the table for breakfast, you've been noticing for a while; his actions— antics, watching him do things he usually doesn't, making decisions he generally wouldn't, say things he doesn't mean otherwise. you've been noticing for over a month, and it feels that the jay you knew has simply became a distant memory. the more you think about it, the further it drifts away, morphing into ancient history.

sometimes, you think you're dreaming.

"jake asked if we're down for movies this saturday, with everyone else," you break the silence, but your eyes are fixed on the ceramic plate in front of you. "told him we have other plans for the day, you know, my highschool reunion, since you're supposed to join me,"

"i see," he nods, and those words mark the end of your small talk. frankly, you miss the days none of you would shut up, no matter what time of the day it was. it doesn't matter now, not really, jay talks about whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and other times, it's just silence communicating with itself. "are you done shopping for the reunion?"

just like now.

for some reason, the empty plate in front of you seems more tempting than the question he asked. you remember winning the whole crockery set at a couple game around two years ago, or three, maybe. you're not sure, the timeline is getting blurry inside your mind. you leave his question unattended like the coffee in your cup, to see if he cares about a response.

a second passes, then another, one more, jay grabs the newspaper kept on the further right corner of the kitchen counter. it's as if the question doesn't mean anything— your response doesn't mean anything, perhaps, would be a better conclusion. you hope you're dreaming, because the jay sitting in front of you doesn't seem like the person you fell in love with.

"you know, i think we shouldn't attend the reunion either," you give in either way, putting your plate aside, leaning on the counter with a forced smile in an attempt to make yourself feel better.

and jay looks up. "oh," but, he's looking somewhere else. your hair, shoulder, the paining behind you, anywhere, but your eyes. there's a certain look in his eyes, grief, guilt— remorse, and you want to ask him, what is it that turned you into someone so unfamiliar?

his eyes shift back to the newspaper. "suit yourself. i have a few other stuff scheduled for that day, either way,"

you wonder if he cares, you realise he doesn't.

and you can't take it anymore.

actually, there's a question you've been wearing on the tip of your tongue for days now, finding the right moment to ask him. it would be a lie if you said life didn't give you any opportunities, you just weren't able to bring yourself ask it. you aren't brave when it comes to such things, never were, never would be, talking about love scares you. you never know how the conversation would turn out. there are too many risks.

falling for him was the first one you took, confronting him would be probably be the last one with him.

"i think you don't love me anymore,"

a pause; you notice the hesitation laced in his expression, it doesn't faze you anymore.

jay nods faintly. his eyes don't leave the sight of the empty cup in front of him, as if it's staring back at him. his lips press into a thin line as the unsaid words intoxicate the silence spinning in the air. he sighs; the empty cup reminds him of something, of himself, his heart,

and so, jay finally musters up the courage to look into your eyes. "i know, i've noticed."

[makingspiritualityreal]

Are certain Nakshatras Doomed in a given World Age?

Recently I've been researching the less popular but more analytical Vedic School of Thought that superimposes Nakshatras with Tropical Placements. That means that if you cast your chart this way, your Nakshatras will stay the same, but your signs will go back to the positions of your Tropical chart. I respect that idea although I don't fully feel convinced of it yet because I respect the Astrologers that use it (Ernst Wilhelm, Vic di Cara) and because there is some scientific reasoning behind it, given that the Earth's orbit is irregular and tilts over the years, thus changing the calculations, which they call precession of the equinoxes. I admit the mathematical part of it is not my strong suit, I'm a psychic medium that just loves to use Astrology to share her impressions, but I'm not a brilliant mathematician and I'm an even worse physicist, largely due to lack of proper opportunities for a good teacher that would be needed to compensate for my more abstract way of thinking.

/edit months after writing this article I have official transitioned to Ernst Wilhelm's school of thought due to high research accuracy, I recommend this calculator to find your right signs and Nakshatras.

The issue with the degrees of the signs moving at certain historical periods of time is that not all Nakshatra signs and rulerships are compatible with the newly changed Astrological sign values. That creates problems in perceptions of certain Nakshatras in Mass Consciousness in our time. However, if we assume the degrees of Nakshatras as mobile...some Nakshatras are going to struggle at any given time, except for the time when Nakshatras are temporarily perfectly aligned with their traditional degrees (which last happened briefly 1500 years ago and won't happen for millennia to come according to THIS link resource). So due to the precession of the equinoxes, the degrees of Nakshatras are always mobile...which can cause interesting shifts, such as the New Astrological Year starting in a completely different than traditional Nakshatra, so not Ashwini. Right now for example, according to tropical calculations we are entering the Aries season in the Nakshatra of Uttara Bhadrapada, making this Nakshatra the initiator of each solar cycle for years to come...until the Nakshatra degree changes again in a couple of hundreds of years, and the Aries sign will be ruled by Purva Bhadrapada instead.

Astrologers preaching this School of Thought educate not associating Nakshatras to any specific cycles or zodiac signs, viewing them as seperate entities dependent on the Moon's mythology more than the whole chart or movements of the Sun over the horizon...but I just can't get behind that concept, given that...well, the Nakshatras are still determined by SOME kind of calculations. The Nakshatras are not exempt from the unwavering rhythm of nature. I wrote a lot of posts with elemental associations to the Nakshatra and their planetary rulership (which btw doesn't change even if you go by tropical degrees) because Nakshatras are living entities...and they enter our lives through our charts as a portal...but still based on these new and improved calculations. I can get behind the numbers changing as the planet itself evolves, given the pressure of the chaos of Nature, but it simply cannot be separated from the signs of the planets, as both influence them. Sure, you can study it independently, but the final result is still going to be a planet influenced by both its sign and house AND the ruling Nakshatra.

That creates an interesting result, that in given world ages, certain Nakshatras will struggle to begin with, while others will struggle more in certain padas, making their Divine Energies harder to exist at a given time frame. If I started moving the Nakshatras around in different time periods, we could be sitting here forever discussing all sorts of hypotheticals, so for the purpose of usefulness to this generation, let's stick to the way things are now, and will be for at least the next 100 years, since the changes in degrees are slow (but still, sign calculations already moved almost a whole degree just since I was born and I'm not that old yet lol). Again, to understand my writing consult the table in the link above.

An example Nakshatra that came to my mind, that is perceived really negatively in this world and age is Rohini. Why? Because to have that Nakshatra in your chart, you need to have a given planet in the sign of Gemini. Considered that Rohini is Moon ruled, and Mercury views Moon as its enemy according to planetary friendship tables, Rohini essentially doesn't like being in the Mercury ruled sign of Gemini. Traditionally, Rohini is positioned in the Venus ruled grounded Taurus, which is already problematic to begin with, since Venus views Moon as its enemy too...but the Moon is still exalted in Taurus. The Moon is grounded and settled by Venus, as it has no enemies. The Moon is scattered, curious, but two faced and unstable in Gemini. Now what do we get when we put Rohini, an emotional, impressionable Nakshatra ruled by the Moon, away from Venus and into Mercury? An attention seeking person, that uses duplicity and manipulation to fulfil its need for intimacy. Historically, the Venusian element provided stability of skill and material resources, grounding the Nakshatra energy. Nowadays, Rohini can display more fickleness than form. And it is not even their fault...but the fault of when they were born. In the past, being born in Rohini probably provided one with serious material stability and good family pedigree, which Venus assures, making her a worthwhile wife, or as they say traditionally, the favourite wife, despite her whimsical nature. To understand more about the dark Nature of Rohini in our times, I encourage you to watch this video by @thehiddenoctave, where the theme of manipulation and mind games is explored in depth.

Another interesting example to explore is Shravana Nakshatra, which moves its Rashi from Capricorn to Aquarius. That preserves the Saturnian theme, but adds the energy of Rahu to the mix. Notice the stories that surround Shravana natives. First of all, they get media attention very easily. A lot of actors/actresses with these placements are idolised. Then a lot of them are also viewed as toxic, unstable or taboo breaking (Rahu, but also the Outcaste nature of the Nakshatra). But the media attention so many of them get nowadays...the scrutiny of the tabloids? That's Rahu and Aquarius at its finest. The rise and fall. The highs and lows. My guess is, historically this Nakshatra was more private due to Capricorn's restrictive nature, but has gained more exposure with Rahu...which has also sadly added a lot of trauma to its natives.

Certain Nakshatras are doing better, and still have at least some portion of them in their traditional signs, temporarily letting them off the hook. But that raises an interesting question. What will happen to a phenomenon such as Sun's exaltation, once the vernal equinox moves on to the Nakshatra of Purva Bhadrapada in a couple of hundred years?

Sun traditionally exalts in Ashwini Nakshatra...but that has to happen in the sign of Aries. What will happen when the precession of the equinoxes moves Ashwini completely into the sign of Taurus...where the Sun is uncomfortable, due to Sun and Venus being enemies? The potential for an individual to have a fully working, exalted Sun will be eliminated for that particular time in human history.

And isn't that what we are going towards? Sun rules our independence and individuality...yet we are more and more dependent on technology, connections, societal conditioning, in order to have any freedom at all. More and more finances are required for a person to have any mobility or opportunity in the world. In a couple of hundred years, when the Aquarian astrological dominance intensifies, independence or individuality that goes with an exalted Sun will no longer rely on the power of Spirit, that Aries represents, but be completely dominated by the luck of being born in a stable financial family environment, which Taurus represents. So those who have the power to express themselves are those, who can afford it because they have a stable enough backing. Since Ashwini is partially already in Taurus, we can already see it happening in the world, slowly and gradually.

I understand traditional Vedic Astrologers sticking to perfect symmetrical calculations from 1500 years ago. I understand their love for this perfection scheme. I understand the exploration of the cyclical nature of Nakshatras. I do it myself. But I think that this is nevertheless an interesting concept to explore, that takes Astrology to a whole new level, accounting for very real societal changes gradually taking place in front of our eyes. It shows that Nakshatras behave differently in different timeframes, responding to the world we live in. And doesn't that add a very real and practical dimension to Astrology, its omnipresent influence on Earth as a living being, regardless of the phases its going through?

[staraxiaa]

shutter-click, the afterword:

author's corner/first thoughts.

firstly, to those of you who know what it's like, and those of you who don't, i hope i did these themes justice. i'm not sure if this is an entirely accurate representation - i tried to take some of my own experiences and exaggerate it into what fit for my vision of the story. i apologize if i have trivialized any aspect of it. also there is like. negative actual romance like the tension is not there bc i imagine them to be pure balls of sweetness and fluff and like. it will probably happen? but like 5 years down the line. i called this story shutter-click partially after the sound of a camera, and partially because when i think of pictures now, i think of the importance of the memories present in them. it could be the ugliest picture you have ever seen, and yet it still means something to someone, because it reminds them of something they might have forgotten once upon a time. that's also why the reader names the first collection shutter-click - in part in reference to the title, but also the importance of these 'pictures' that are carried on throughout life. i.e. nanny's grin, the first person to ever believe in them, which also helps them overcome a great many barriers. ngl i didnt think about the rest of the art. maybe the rest should also be smile-inspired. but i am not going to call it the smile collection. this was also in no way sunflower caliber LOL sorry. genuinely have no clue i feel like the pacing was really fast. too fast. shouldve probably spent more time with the growth era. i will very likely revisit a similar concept eventually ok now that that's over - rant time. this was the brainchild of a discarded mc concept for another of my works. i couldn't quite get her character to fit with my vision, and then this was born. i wrote all of this in a day. i said i would take a break. well, i didn't. lowkey a hiatus time now <3 sorry. really wanted to get more work done on porcelain but then i was like WHAT IF and then i thought of a kiri fic. and then u know what i realized? mc is literally just katsuki like. i am in despair like now i really want to make porcelain a coming of age fic too. discovering oneself, forging yourself anew. what if it was a whole collection. oh my god. please send me some katsuki asks so i can brainrot over him instead (please) mentally i feel like the clown meme music and a thousand bouncing balls in my brain all at once. i have been listening to the same song for seven hours. this was also partially inspired off the prompt 'tragedy of a spare heir' but really reader is neither a spare nor a heir so ? ? ? dunno man i wasnt lying when i said i was tired seriously though, thank you to everyone who commented + liked shared my first work. i genuinely never expected to receive such a positive response, and i hope that this one is up to the same caliber. i still think im a god btw im genuinely on 4 hours of sleep and just churned out like. 10k? in less than 12 hours HAHAHA #if i don't laugh i am going to cry #i want to carve my brain out and examine it. these last few hours were such a blur but it's over. i feel both defeated and glorious at the same time. this was also significantly harder to write than sunflowers. that one was so nice. so easy. i miss it. im never hitting that peak again i think seriously though i think it's temp hiatus time i am emptied of thought will continue updating as i think of things i guess

unwritten scenes, headcanons, more ramble? no clue

i'm not sure if social anxiety disorder/selective mutism is necessarily something you are born with. i am aware that you can develop it as the results of past traumas, but in this case, there is very little explanation about that - it's left unexplained in the fic. could both be from hatred of cameras (ik i hate having photos taken of me lol), but again, a lot of this is entirely exaggerated and fictional. sorry. the nanny was supposed to die, but i am tired. so tired. i did not want to write an angst scene that had no relevance to the happiness of the plot. so now u guys just have the most tooth rotting fluff i have ever written in existence. she doesn't appear again in a lot of the later scenes, did i write her in alive? if i did: she actually lives forever. literally immortal idgaf more about the nanny: i imagined someone who also had difficulties in communication, and i hope that translated in the way her speech was very often broken? idk if that was accurate i wrote all of her dialogue at 3am and passed out right after. probably definitely isn't in japanese. my english was not englishing at this time. i hope it was made clear in the fic: everything that the reader that thought about herself and her relationships was wrong, with regards to the parents/sister. idk if this is accurate, but in my mind, and from my experience, my social anxiety at least is that i overthought a lot of things, misinterpreted a lot as well. soooo actually guys you DO have a loving family! i am saving the trauma for porcelain! honestly, i thought about this fic, and when i think of midoriya i just think of pure innocence lol. does it reflect ? similarly to sunflowers, the themes were childhood friendship and growth. i once again skip out on my proper kiss scene bc i think it would suit them even less than the ones in that one. but at least she kissed him on the cheek. it felt pretty ooc to me though so i think she shouldve just hugged him. at least there is also that the thing is though: you're the one to do everything first. he's really hesitant, because he still remembers you as you were, before you were out of your shell. he doesn't want to push you, overwhelm you in any way. you definitely have to be the one to initiate everything -> i just didnt think the hug + cheek kiss together was in character for me but whatever i wrote it i hope u enjoy you kiss him and hes an absolute fucking dorky mess . but honestly this is like every step in the relationship originally, the all might figurine you gift him was supposed to be a birthday present in return for the camera. this is just a fun fact. also i know both of the characters were both supposed to be insanely socially anxious but that would never have worked out so i took some liberties with it/midoriya's character. hope it still makes sense? also hope that his ramble was in-line with canon oh yeah there was supposed to be a side plot with the dead brother. i cannot tell you what it was, seeing as how i do not remember. probably some form of traumatic thing i removed from porcelain reader doesn't have a described quirk cause i am on negative brain juice and couldn't think. you can imagine that it is something art related if you'd like. but i didnt wanna yap more so.

[dearausten]

things i noticed while rereading the tenant of wildfell hall (aka my favorite brontë novel) for the third time

- the bromance between gilbert and jack halford (the person he’s writing to, aka his sister’s husband). if i didn’t love gilbert with helen so much, i’d actually go down with this ship.

- i’m DYING to know everything about halford and rose’s relationship, they seem really cute!

- gilbert’s brother, fergus, is actually hilarious. i have never seen someone so dramatic. he’s like “yeah you have to work the land but i gotta look pretty and gossip and that’s actually harder”. also my boy cannot read social cues for the life of him.

- everything from the beginning until we reach helen’s diary. the ANGST. the way he falls in love with her. the way anne brontë gives him a personality and shows us why he is perfect for helen. ALSO THE WAY HE BONDS WITH LITTLE ARTHUR IS ADORABLE.

- just everything about helen. i love her character SO MUCH. she’s so smart, witty, and outspoken. she’s one of the best written female characters ever, no joke.

- the way anne brontë is giving us clues from the beginning! when helen’s aunt gives her advice on marriage, she is unknowingly listing every mistake helen makes in marrying arthur. (not saying what happened is her fault tho!). my girl helen is like “i’d never marry a man without principles just bc i’m horny” and that is exactly what she does! jokes aside, she really did love a arthur, for some reason.

- i had completely forgotten that she was only 18! and arthur huntingdon is said to be 10+ years older than her??????? i completely missed that detail.

- arthur’s manipulation begins even before they get married. the way he knows he’s hurting her when he flirts with annabella and he does exactly that, the way he loves to humiliate her and never thinks of her, only himself... ugh.

- when they do get married, he has the audacity to say that she’s too religious, so she mustn’t love him as much as she says, bc she’s given her heart to the lord. he then proceeds to make the (terrible) point that the only master of women should be their husbands, not god. he only thinks of helen as his possession.

- HOLY SHIT. clearly i can’t have so much time pass before i read this book again bc i had forgotten so many details.

- did i mention i hate arthur’s ass?

- anne brontë does a brilliant job writing the demise of their relationship. it doesn’t happen abruptly. like yes, he was an asshole from day one, but helen didn’t start hating him until the third year of their marriage (still a short time, tho). you can see how much she struggles with loving him while also being awfully aware of his moral flaws, how hard she tries to help him with his drinking problem, how she’s always there for him even though he doesn’t deserve it because he lashes out on her every time he’s upset. a lot happens before she decides she’s had enough of him, and i just love that we see her slowly realize what she’s gotten herself into.

- arthur trying to manipulate her USING THEIR SON is so disgusting. he tries to make her feel bad for spending so much time with their newborn (who he is totally neglecting btw) instead of him.

- i hate you arthur huntingdon. i hate you mr. hargrave. i hate you grimsby. i hate you annabella. i don’t exactly like hattersley but he kinda gets better so he’s forgiven.

- POOR HELEN. she literally thought arthur was finally putting effort into their marriage. every time i read the scene where she finds out about the infidelity i want to cry for her so bad.

- honestly, it’s so badass of her to confront him like that. it took everything in her to control herself and not commit double murder.

- UGH. WHEN ANNABELLA IS TAUNTING HELEN, AND SHE SNAPS ANNABELLA’S MUG BC SHE GOT UNDER HER SKIN AND ARTHUR JUST LAUGHS. istg it makes my blood boil.

- again, POOR HELEN. her finding out about the infidelity was the last straw. arthur stopped pretending to give a damn about her and straight up began to treat her like a piece of crap. i know, he always has, but now he knows how much pain he causes her AND HE PURPOSELY CAUSES HER MORE PAIN. he doesn’t even try to hide it anymore.

- he knows how to hit where it hurts, doesn’t he?

- hargrave is so annoying, but i love how, this way, anne brontë emphasizes why gilbert is a much better match for helen than him. hargrave wants to have her, to dominate her. this goes to say that helen wouldn’t be better off marrying just any other man, but someone who actually takes the time to know her and loves her as an equal, like gilbert.

- ar*ur trying to turn his son against helen is so infuriating. he knows he’s taken everything from her. he knows all she has is her son. he knows how much she loves him, and he wants to take that away too.

- UGH. him and all his friends literally make little arthur, a child, drink as much wine as them. not only that, but ALL OF THEM insult helen in front of him and laugh when he says something that upsets his mother.

- i. cannot. arthur has been neglecting his son since he was born, and only takes an interest on him to teach him how to insult helen and behave like he does, because he knows it drives helen insane.

- thankfully helen is smarter than that son of a bitch and tricks her son into hating wine.

- UGH. AGAIN. when arthur discovers helen’s plan to run away, he doesn’t scream. he doesn’t yell. he MOCKS her. he just stands there with a smile on his face while he takes away her keys AND HE GETS HER PAINTING MATERIALS DESTROYED. OH. MY. GOD.

- once again, arthur knows how to struck a nerve. not only does he completely take away helen’s role as arthur’s educator (something she’s highly invested in) by hiring a governess. HE HIRES HIS FUCKING MISTRESS. i am done. and so is helen.

- SHE’S FREE. i have read this book three times now and i still cannot help to relieve the tension built inside of me when she escapes, as if i didn’t already know what happens.

- a big element to helen’s character is how seriously she takes being a mother. all she does, she does for arthur (her son). she would have stayed with that bastard, and she would’ve willingly suffer the abuse if it weren’t for her son, because he deserves better. no matter what costs her, her son mustn’t grow up like his father. she’d rather her son die by her side, than have him live with huntingdon.

- my poor baby she’s in so much pain :((

- SO. MUCH. ANGST. ANNE BRONTË WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT.

- gilbert making amends with lawrence, as he ought to. we love a man who knows when he’s wrong, and wants to make it better. i think this is the main difference between him and arthur. gilbert, in spite of all his flaws, takes responsibility for his actions, unlike helen’s husband (i can’t even name him). also, he is the only man in the novel who loves helen because HE KNOWS HER, and not bc he wants her to be his possession. he just wants to be with her, and make her happy.

- and the angst goes on and on and on!

- helen tells gilbert he can write to her after six months. he doesn’t. because he figures she’s forgotten about him, and he doesn’t blame her! he is hurt. devastated, really. but he understands. he wants her to heal, first and foremost, after he knows how much she’s suffered.

- i love that the last straw for him is hearing that she’s supposedly getting married. and to hargrave, no less. ngl i would try to keep her away from him too.

- oh, sweet misunderstanding! so happy for lawrence tho.

- WHEN THEY FINALLY GET TOGETHER OMG.

- gilbert is a dumbass lmaoooo, SHE’S TELLING YOU SHES IN LOVE WITH YOU YOU IDIOT.

- THEY KISS! GOD BLESS!

- the ending is easy to savor bc of how sad the rest of the book is. like it’s the ONLY moment we see the characters happy.

- I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR.

- i LOVE that she had time to heal before marrying again. it’s just so satisfying.

to sum it up, the tenant of wildfell hall is still my fave brontë book. for me, the thing that makes it so special are the characters, especially helen. god, how i felt her pain. she is so strong and i love her so much.

guys, this book is SO IMPORTANT. it was back in the day, and still is now. it truly shows just how vulnerable women were in a marriage, and how they were completely stripped of their freedom and liberty. imagine your life depending absolutely on someone else’s whims! i will leave the rant for another post since this one is long enough. feel free to share what you loved about this book as well! <3

[zaptap]

getting back into side order (after beating the last of the initial 12 runs a few weeks back)

my primary goal right now is to keep getting prlz to get more hacks, but i'm also going to sort of focus on trying to get the weapon-exclusive chips that don't match the weapon's color bias. so i've turned off the color-chip bias hack and i'm focusing on vending machine and floor reset hacks. the idea is that since these are harder to get, i might end up getting 5 of some of the others as i go, so it'd be better to do these first

decided to start with extra dodge rolls on the dualies and.... well, did you know you can use cloud saves to basically make a backup before doing any floor in your run? you can just restore the save to get back there. no downside or anything. nintendo just lets you do this. im paying $20 a year so i should be able to though

your run is actually based on a seed that's determined when you start, so you can't exactly reroll floors--the same floor choices lead to the same things, and vending machines always sell the same things too. same applies to vending machine and floor resets. BUT you can reset a floor to change all of the floors after it. and vending machine resets actually do that too. so basically there's a bunch of branching paths for each choice that you can make going along, and you can take advantage of cloud saves by basically going back and exploring a different branch

so less than halfway into this dualies run, i ended up getting extra dodge roll at a vending machine, i buy 3. i don't run into any more though, and then at floor 27 (which has a vending machine) i'm like uhhhh ok i'm running out of floors for this. so i make a backup and keep coming back to that floor

and wow even with those 3 floors there was a lot of options. going through the floors normally and then resetting 29 as much as i could afford (hoping to get double there), resetting the vending machine on 27 and checking the later floors, resetting the vending machine on 27 twice and checking the floors, or 3 times, or 4 times, or 5 times, or 6 times (this was about as much as i could afford). kept doing resets until i couldnt afford it and then closing the game and restoring my save

i tried so many things. i played the same floors so many times. i think i went through this for like 2 hours. i was getting tired of it. best i ever saw was one dodge roll chip on floor 29 which doesnt do me any good because i needed 2 (i have double-chip rate maxed btw. i saw 2 of other chips there instead several times)

i think ultimately what i did was reset floor 27 and pick an option, reset floor 28 and pick an option, then keep resetting 29 a bunch (it kept giving me vending machines) and then when i was down to like 3.5k membux i was like. you know what. i feel good about this vending machine let's try it. and then i reset that once and got the 2 extra dodge roll chips i needed

i did it.... now i just have to do it for the other weapon-exclusive ones that don't match. horizontal slash speed on splatana, splatling barrage on splatling, brella cooldown on brella, rush ink coverage on brella/roller/brush. 2 of those are on brella so maybe i should try that first? idk.

i wasnt even necessarily trying to get extra dodge roll here, just get prlz, and i spent so many membux that i didnt end up with as many (i still need one more hack each for floor reset, membux reward, vending machine discount, but i'm at least getting a couple floor reset from this run's prlz)