#bulimic memes

[stupidanaangeltrash]

When I say I scream internally I don’t mean a loud “ahhhhhhh”.

I mean the most gut wrenching, angry, loud, bitter, demonic scream my body could produce.

I mean a scream that would make Jason Voorhees shit himself, a scream that makes the neighbors call an exorcist, a scream that is the sound of unleashed insanity.

You know?

[fionna-cookie]

What's up my guys? ヾ(^ω^*)

Long time no see. Still alive but did put all my energy into changing my life.

So I'm practically in the middle of moving to my new partner. Away from the city.

So I'm doing pretty ok with my ed at the moment. I'm at a really good weight keep going even though there are still this shitty thoughts. Guess that will hunt me forever.

But I try to ignore it.

I also got a job today. I'm just a temporary helper at the moment but this is still amazing after 2 ½ year being sick and not working.

Fotos are from Halloween but that's the latest I got... :3

Also my love for my pet snails grew and now I have 5 with a sixth one on the way.

I got still a lot financially issues... which is pretty bad for someone with an ed... but when the moving is over and I finally live here on the countryside I can relax a bit.

Also I apply for a new apprenticeship. So I have a lot of talking with different people to do. I hope I get a good one here.

Anyway. I hope you all doing fine.

[questshunself]

Having an eating disorder & trying to decide what to eat:

[autisticdreamdrop]

healthy exercise?? nah man i have an addictive personality

[technicallynotdissociating]

Me: this

Ed: no

Literally every single ana meme EVER

[berrycalss]

💗Looking for moots💗

Reblog/follow if:

Everything red is a MUST

18+

Not fatphobic, racist, homophobic, transphobic, ect.

Pro recovery

SW or CW is close to mine (170)

Also bulimic

Calorie limit is between 500-1000

Literally only the red is my only requirements. I just want people that’ll share their low cal recipes with me and gym routines bc all I do is cardio.

Trust im really nice and will just send really weird memes at 3am😭😭 and tell you how much i fuck with miso soup idk

[0w0]

Hey so more posting about my intimate mental health on Tumblr, because it is the void I scream into when I'm overwhelmed on deciding which interpersonal connection to dump this on

I've officically lost like 20 lbs in the past two months from just... Pretty much hardly eating. Officially relapsed 🤪 (the emoji is ironic and is an attempt to mask my true ditress)

I've largely come to the conclusion that it is because of depression. I do not eat because I simply feel like I, myself, am not worth maintaining. It's the same reason why hygene and chorws are hard. Everything just feels empty despite my best efforts, eating just is more work to keep doing something that ultimately, my mental illness makes me feel is pointless.

I've attempted suicide, yeah, but passive self harm has always been what lean on when I'm to lethargic to even hurt myself when I get the impulse.

The thing is, I'm scared. I'm super scared. I like that I'm losing weight. I want to be smaller. I want to take up less space and no feel so fucking fat and disgusting. (Being fat is not disgusting, and fat people are not bad. But my perception of self is really fucked up and thats how it comes out when I look at myself when combined with societal beauty standards).

Despite being scared-- I like how an empty stomach feels. Before it turns into pain, I mean. I like the hallow feeling, for the same reason I like sex. It's a physical sensation that puts me back in my body, especially when dissociating, which I do a majority of the time.

I used to purge, after binging. I won't state dates because depsite everything I'm spilling here, there's still some information I don't need out there. But I say that, because I never considered myself bulimic. Its not like it was chronic. There's a reason I gained like, 100 lbs through adulthood-- I stopped doing that shit.

One of my favorite memes online ever had this caption: "I had and eating disorder and all o have to show for it is this gross fetish". Emetophilia? Hello my old friend.

There's a certain part of me that has sexualized some of the pain I'm going through. That's what being hypersexual does, I guess, but it also feels like a way to dull the ache. Instead of calling it self harm, I call it needleplay, skin embroidery, make it an art. Make it palatable that way, for myself and others. I know it doesnt though, it's still worrying. And I'm not actively trying to transmute feelings associated with depression into something better, like sexuality. It just has .. kind of happened in my brain at some point.

I distinctly remember a time when I was in highschool. I was feeling incredibly sick, but I was on my bus ride home. I was nauseous, felt like I was going to puke, I was dizzy-- it aroused me. A few fucked up things were arousing as a teenager, and that's definitely impacted my long-term health and how I inherently respond to certain stimuli or situations: inappropriately.

As far back as I can remember, everything always circled back to sex for me. I don't remember and csa that my have happened, I don't think I was molested as a child. Bust started at 13, I had very unhealthy relationships until adulthood that hinged on sex. Whether I slept with boys or girls, it didn't matter, it was usually the same. I've had maybe 10 sexual partners in my life-- the fact I was in a relationship that was monogamous for 7 of it's 9 years was the only thing that kept that number from being much, much higher. I had many opportunities to sleep around and cheat. The impulsive desire was there, but I never did it. Was that self restraint? It feels charitable calling it that, but sure. I didn't want to hurt or betray my partner. Not in that way.

Suffice to say, everything is a pile of noodles and all my words are crossed.

Its like have synesthesia but instead of seeing sounds, everything is wirex directly to my dick. What a life, folks

Cheers to therapy making me think I guess. I'll follow this up with my therapist or a future psychiatrist.

🤷

[romancemoon]

abatina, hollyhock, oak?

✨ @halbermenschen. meme. still accepting!

abatina :   is there anything in life your muse has changed their mind about over time   (   due to becoming more educated on the topic ,   certain experiences  ,   etc .   ) ,   or that they   would   change their mind about under certain circumstances ?  

the thought of being a parent used to make him wanna crawl outta his skin lol like he was like oh................. im not cut out for that sh*t. he saw people he graduated with having children, people he attended college with, et cetera. same for marriage. understandably someone that young would feel that way lol. esp since he was going through so much. and he couldn’t ever figure out if he had enough love in his heart to actually carry through with commitment and raising a family. there’s a quote from a book i rly like that kinda illustrates how he went from not wanting a family to wanting one

‘ . I look down and see my shaking hands, my dirty pants, the filthy bathroom floor. I am a drunk. I am a bulimic. I cannot love a child, because all I do is hurt the people I love. I cannot teach someone else how to live because I am only half alive.

[ ... ]

I am no longer a pool of tenderness. I am a tree. Everyone else can be hopeful and afraid but I am neither. I am resolute, solid, and separate. [ ... ] I can only save this baby who came and trusted me to come back to life. I cannot be distracted by anyone else’s feelings. I will be fierce and steady, like my mother. ’

so yes he wants a husband and children and yadda even tho he certainly said he would never anything like that ever in his life because he felt himself incapable of being that loving in his own personal life. he kind of had to have a long sit down with himself about it and basically drill into his own head that he’s not an awful person. and that it’s okay to want that kind of life for himself. and now he welcomes with open arms.

sometimes he finds it funny because his parents have a happy marriage even though theyre terribly flawed people ( well mostly his mom lol ) and all that. so he never got what external factor made him so fearful. most likely that split second of insecurity about his own sexuality, lack of experience, yadda.

hollyhock :   how strong is your muse’s sense of ambition ?  what’s something they strive for in life ?  

if u had to reduce virote to a single trait it would be ambition lol.... hes a steel trap shaped like a person. all the shit he’s had to overcome and he literally never quits. whether anyone likes it or not, he’s going to get what he wants. and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. he’s on a ‘ if i have to stab u in the throat to achieve a goal, i’ll do it ’ basis but hopefully he dont gotta go there because the only thing he wants to do is make the world a better place. :))))

he’s a tree... resolute... solid.... yea babey.

oak has been answered here.

[aeipathcy]

11. what’s something that you don’t get to express with your oc often? [ for reanne! ]

MEME┊accepting.

What’s something that you don’t get to express with your oc often?

OOC. tldr, ended up being an unorganized ramble that probably isn't very well organized or cohesive. I lost sight of some ideas as I was typing (big sad).

call out/acknowledge Reanne's bulimic eating habits if muses end up going out to eat somewhere

sibling dynamic conversations/conversations about siblings

idk how to express this but maybe someone noticing something behind the confidence she always has? I don't think muses really see her glaring issues despite how open she is with a lot of troubling things.

I believe I've mentioned this one in the past on random blog posts but I haven't gotten many opportunities for other muses to actually call out how abnormal Reanne's food-related (bulimic) tendencies are or even just acknowledge said abnormality (she still has them, and yes she is very stagnant with her therapy—honestly at this point I believe she stopped going since it wasn't helping, just haven't made it official until this post ig). Like, I can allude to them but they're never the focus of threads outside internal thoughts. I recall there was one muse I was able to kind of touch on that with but that mun decided to cut ties with me out of the blue. I was saddened by it since we had a good, but not so perfect/smooth dynamic building which is prime for exploring not so nice aspects of muses.

Lately, I haven't done anything related to it, but it is still a huge aspect of how Reanne copes with and processes her emotions (eating to chase away anxiety or sorrowful moods, depriving as form of punishment/dealing with guilt, purging out of guilt when she eats too much, freaking out when she weighs herself despite knowing she's supposed to weigh a little more to be healthy, constantly hating her body despite progress, etc.). Despite being better about anger, lashing out, and trauma dumping, Reanne cannot seem to cut the unhealthy eating patterns out of her life. She still carries trauma related to her body and appearance no matter how confident she acts—her outward confidence and almost ideal skinny body shape make it hard to actually see this, especially since Reanne would never step out of her house if she felt less than presentable. And considering she still obsesses over making sure her freckles are never visible, there's obviously still an issue that's unresolved there. I mean, Reanne is a walking contradiction that's hard to explain.

Even though Keith outwardly shows his issues more, Reanne is probably in a much deeper trench than he ever would be as the difference in their support systems is massive—she doesn't have anyone to help her through any of her impulsive binges or get through emotional spikes, and she is much more likely to relapse because of how quickly she turns to binge-purging as a coping mechanism. She cannot forgive her family for everything they've done to her, and she cannot confide in them, making it more than difficult to combat a habit that's been ingrained into her since well before her teenage years. Fashion industry, going out to eat, and clothes shopping are all very large potential triggers depending on her mood. Kinda forgot about this modern verse addition (alcohol cw, binge drinking cw, alcohol poisoning cw) but she also has an alcohol issue (underage drinking + binge drinker). Thankfully, she doesn't drink, and the most she does is threaten people with the cost of a hospital bill if they try to entice her that way.

This also brings me to a second point I don't get to explore. Sibling dynamics. I don't know what it is, but I want more of these conversations. Reanne's story is definitely triggering for people so I understand if others don't want to write anything that steps on the field of landmines that will come up, but this helps explore underlying drives behind how she acts (as all her responses and beliefs all lead back to her sister and upbringing). I've mentioned it before but Reanne does everything in her power to be someone different from her younger sister, Elanor. She is the older one, but at the same time, she feels completely inferior to Elanor. I have a number of posts talking about the contradiction surrounding this entire sibling relationship so I won't go into it here. Err, maybe I don't but I'm not making a new one or anything anytime soon.

Now that I think about it, nobody has seen behind her outward confidence and demeanor or thought to look beyond it (because of how straightforward she is) except for Keith (mainly because of the lore behind modern verse and he's technically known her for two lifetimes already). I find it funny how Keith is the person who tries to pass lies to hide problems and issues but everyone can see through him and acknowledges his issues, but Reanne is the person who openly shares almost everything so clearly yet nobody really bothers to acknowledge the issues and problems she's been blurting out to the world.

[stupidanaangeltrash]

Yeah I am thicc:

T

H

I

C urrently considering suicide

C

[fionna-cookie]

Me, watching a movie with an bulimic woman who tries to purge 1 bite of cake: "Ok. First thing darling... One bite of cake?! Second... You are not gonna get this easily out darling. Just freaking stop it!"

And at this time I realized I have way too much experience.

[questshunself]

I edited this meme to make it more relevant to my life + silly because I always panic and can never seem to remember the conversion from lbs to kg in the moment 😅

[bulimicanedmemes]

😚

[technicallynotdissociating]

Ed culture is having a heart attack when you see Lily Collins in any other piece of media