#but :/ i'm scared to reach a point where i just can't take anything anymore and i'll make a mistake

[strongheartneteyam]

Realize where you belong.

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!dreamwalker!reader/female!human!reader

cw: sexual content, possessive neteyam, tsaheylu, semi public sex, dominant neteyam, missionary position, doggy position, TRIGGER WARNING for brief mention of non con, dirty talk, sub reader, fluff, yearning, masturbation, tenderness. I might remember more and add later lol

After AGES (sorry for the hiatus, my loves :( I needed it), the so anticipated smut chapter of his story 🥺💓 I've been wanting to let my babies (yes, I love my characters to this point lol) have this special, intimate moment for so long 😭 it just wasn't the right time yet but now here it is. I wrote a part of this chapter in public, in a cafeteria inside a supermarket and damnnnn my pussy was clenching so much lol it was a weird situation lmao fuck I need Neteyam inside of me istg I can't anymore 😭 I hope my dear readers enjoy this <33

PS: in this story, Neteyam was shot on his arm when he was fighting the RDA, not on his chest, hence a scar on his arm is gonna be mentioned.

Slightly proofread. I'll edit it as soon as I can.

Chapter 9

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

I can never look away

I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

Things will never be the same

I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night

Now I'm wide awake

And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

(...)

All of you, all of me intertwined

Daylight (Taylor Swift)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Neteyam's lips kissed your neck in a perfect mix of tenderness and passion. Your whimpers filled the air as you felt his big bulge rubbing against your ass and Neteyam took that as a sign that you were enjoying that level of intimacy with him. He was finally able to show you how much he craved you, how just the thought of your wet pussy made him get hard as a rock.

Neteyam was leaking so much precum for you, his loincloth had a stain on it from his thick salty liquid, as he kept rubbing himself against your butt in a languid yet delicious pace, almost driving you insane.

His four fingers hovered over the sensitive skin of your arm.

 "Your skin feels so soft, oeyä muntxate… just touching it makes me get even harder for you."

You turned your head back to look at him and his amber eyes stared deep into yours. Your fingers softly touched his beautiful face, tracing his dark blue stripes and his freckles.

Neteyam let out a deep breath and closed his eyes, savoring your touch. You turned yourself around completely, your body towards him now, and your lips reached for Neteyam's mouth. You softly kissed him, feeling how plump and wet his lips were. Neteyam eagerly kissed you back as soon as your soft mouth came in contact with his. His tongue sneaked between your upper and your lower lip carefully but passionately and you opened your mouth wider so he could explore the insides of it. Neteyam laid over you and you felt his cock growing even harder and bigger, now pressed against your soaking wet pussy, still covered by your clothes. You wanted him so bad, he made you so weak that you couldn't help but moan against his lips. Neteyam ended the kiss leaving two pecks in your lips delicately.

“I want you so bad… your body, your scent, your lips on mine…”

Neteyam touched the sleeves of your white cropped top slightly, taking his time, not wanting to startle you or make you feel like he doesn't respect your boundaries, but Eywa knows there was a hungry animal inside of him who only wanted to bury himself deep inside your tight pussy, rough and merciless. His animalistic side wanted to hunt you down and catch you like a prey, mating with his female, taking what's his. But he knew it was too soon to act like that. This was gonna be your first time together and the last thing he wanted was to scare you, to drive you away. He could not live without you again. He needed to have the scent of your skin on him to survive.

His fingers finally reached the hem of your top and as he watched your body language, Neteyam noticed you welcomed his actions, so, he took your top off, your hair getting a little messed up as he passed it over your head. He threw it to the side and couldn't care less about where it had landed because all he could focus on was your breasts. They were much bigger than the breasts of the other na'vi girls, as you were in an Avatar body. That pleased him beyond reason. Neteyam's hands traveled through the delicate blue skin of your tits, caressing it with the most tender touch, his fingers drawing over your bioluminescent freckles. You watched his face, the way he looked dumb with desire and longing, his mouth half open, his breath heavy.

“Oeyä muntxate, how can you be even more beautiful in this body? Your human breasts drive me crazy, you know that, but these… your pink nipples contrasting with your blue skin, these stripes, your little freckles… fuck, my love… I wanna suck on your titties, bury my face on them and never let go.”

You chuckled slighty “Then I think you should. I'm yours, Neteyam.”

“Yeah? You're mine? Say it again. Say you're only mine.” He dared teasingly 

“I'm only yours, Neteyam. My body belongs to you.” Neteyam's smile was big and proud

One of his hands cupped your right breast as he took your lips on his, tasting the softest mouth he had ever kissed.

Neteyam kissed the tip of your cat like nose, then left kisses on your mouth, your chin and your throat. His lips rapidly found your nipple and he took it inside his mouth, suckling on it profusely, his hunger taking over him. Your na'vi ears moved downwards, your mouth was half open and your eyes closed, your back arching slighty. Your folds got wetter and wetter as he sucked on your other tit now like he had been starving for that for way too long and it had been killing him.

Neteyam traced your stomach slowly with his fingers, the bare touch of his digits scorching you with delight. He carefully started to unbutton your shorts as he looked into your eyes, as if asking for permission. You nodded and he slid your piece of clothing down your legs. You opened your legs slightly and his big hand cupped your pussy, covered by your soaking wet panties. That made a thought pop up in your mind: did female Avatars have a hymen? Would you feel pain and bleed once he penetrated you? You never bothered to ask about that to your teachers because… well… you never thought you'd be having sex in your Avatar body. You could never imagine that Neteyam would appear to you. Never… that made you hold back a smile but the corners of your lips curled up, in stubbornness.

“Why are you smiling?” Neteyam teased “Do you like when I touch you like this, muntxate?”

“Yes.” Even though that wasn't why you were smiling, that was undeniably true.

Neteyam smiled, proud of himself, and wrapped his tail around your leg, making you feel owned by him and that always turned you on beyond explanation.

He just wanted to pleasure his precious mate already. The way your juices smelled was driving him mad. Neteyam needed to finally have your taste all over his tongue. But before that, he wanted to do something important.

“It's time, tanhì. Tsaheylu.” He was nervous to ask you for something that was utterly normal and natural to his people but could be so very weird to you. In that moment, Neteyam was so aware that you had been raised in a totally different culture. That as much as you were na'vi in your soul and was in your na'vi body now, you were still… human.

But you eagerly consented. He breathed out, relieved and the fearful look left his face, where now there was a soft smile, showing no teeth. 

Your fingers trembled softly as you took your long braid in your hand and your tendrils were now free, the delicate, thin extremities dancing in the air.

“No need to be nervous, yawne. You're my mate. We belong to each other. Do you trust me?”

You looked at him with doe eyes “I do. I'm not scared. Just nervous.” You smiled coyly and he kissed your hand tenderly

When you both brought your pinkish tendrils together and they intertwined, you felt a powerful wave piercing through your whole being.

How do you explain that you can see yourself through someone's thoughts? How do you explain that you can feel, not sense, but literally feel how much the person you love loves you back, just like your spirits are one and the same? Your teachers in the laboratory taught you that tsaheylu worked very similarly to how synapses work in the human brain, extremely similar actually. Neteyam was passing to you his emotions through his kuru and so were you, like you both… had the same mind. As weird as it sounds to a human being, you never knew you needed that invincible, raw connection until that moment. It was euphoria running through your veins but also calming too. It almost did not make sense… but it did. It cannot be explained rationally, you can't use your brain to understand it. Only your heart will. His electrical waves invaded your body and your soul like a sword, its blade so sharp, the love so strong, that none of your barriers could keep him away, keep him from becoming one with you. You could only wonder if that was real, if that moment wasn't just a part of a crazy dream.

That's the best you could come up with to try to explain something as ethereal and sacred as tsaheylu. There are no words, at least not in the limited English language that you could try to use that would convey the feeling that it was having Neteyam's tendrils intertwining with yours. It was like they were made to be there, together, connected. Like some force said so in the beginning of time and there was nothing nobody could ever do to prevent it. Just like the cycle of life, it was an unstoppable force, you and him, the love you shared.

You hadn't realized when you had closed your eyes but once you opened them, you saw Neteyam with his eyes still closed and his lips parted, like he was in a trance. You couldn't help but smile. Was he feeling something as strong as you did? After a few seconds, he opened his sparkling golden eyes. Neteyam smiled at you and held onto your waist, kissing you passionately.

He gently pushed you to lay on your back, his hands on your shoulders. Neteyam left a trail of delicate kisses in between your breasts and went down, opening your legs.

“I'm addicted to how you smell. How can you have this power over me, yawne?” His wide eyes were locked on yours while he pronounced those enticing words 

Neteyam kissed your navel and licked over your wet panties, tasting your juices. Your breath got caught in your throat, so good it felt. He got rid of the last piece of clothing keeping him from tasting your cunt - that now belonged to him. Neteyam was impatient, it was like he needed to eat you out right now or he would die.

When his mouth finally reached your pussy and he licked your soaking wet folds for the first time and your taste invaded his taste buds, it was like he was gonna explode. His tongue lapped on your cunt over and over, desperately, like an animal, like you had just awakened his rut, even though it wasn't possible. But maybe it was. You had a hold on him that no other girl had ever had. And he knew that there would never be anyone else for him but you. Neteyam ate your pussy like you had the best taste he ever had on his tongue. And you did. He had been yearning to taste you for so long. Just touching himself thinking about you hadn't been enough for some time. He was so, so grateful to Eywa that he was finally there, with you, mating with the girl he loved so much, the girl who had turned him from a man into a burning flame, so strong was the desire he felt for you.

“Yawntu…” Neteyam cried “You taste so good…” he sucked on your clit, making your pussy feel hot and your entrance clench around nothing, aching to be fucked by his cock. 

You were now no longer a girl but a moaning mess. There was a boiling pool of pleasure in your lower stomach. Your body contorted under him.

When he was done eating your cunt, Neteyam sat on his ankles, and took his cock in his hand, its impressive girth and length turning you on, making your pussy get wetter, your inner thighs all sticky.

Neteyam started to jerk himself off, his swollen tip pouring precum out insanely while he gazed at your body with lust tainted eyes.

It was such a sight to see, so hot it had your heart beating at the speed of light and you felt your pussy walls clenching around nothing, yet again.

You could not believe he was like that because of you. Were you that pretty? So pretty that you were able to get the attention of such a gorgeous creature? Getting to the answer didn't matter, though. All that mattered to you at that moment was how hot he was and how crazy he was for your body. Neteyam's huge cock made you feral and you knew he was feral over your body too.

"Can I put it in, baby?" Neteyam asked, still stroking his blue cock. You watched him use his four slender fingers to stimulate himself with want in your eyes. The way the veins there were all loaded with blood… Fuck. "Need you so bad…" he cooed, yearning.

"Yeah" You meant to speak but it came off more like a moan

Neteyam gave you a lustful look with his wide feline eyes, the yellow in them luring you in as they shone like gold.

He put his cock on your entrance, making you quiver a little by the slightest contact of his member with your cunt. When he had all his length inside of you, there was the animalistic Neteyam again. The one you met that night outside your bedroom window, the one who could barely keep himself from forcing his body on you.

"You're mine!" Neteyam said and then groaned "All mine! Ahhh, fuck, yawne!" He kept slamming his hips vigorously against yours

No words could possibly come out of your mouth at that time. All your brain would let you do was moan loudly. 

"Eywa… you're clenching so much around my cock" He chuckled "Do you like being fucked by me as much as I like fucking you?" He said, while thrusting deep into you.

"Mmmgh…" You pathetically mewled 

"Yes, you do, yawnetu" Neteyam let out a sexy, almost cocky smirk. He loved knowing he could melt you like that, give you so much pleasure you couldn't even speak.

Neteyam kept fucking you hard, slamming his hips against yours, his tip reaching deep inside your body, poking at your womb, bruising your insides but bringing you to a state of raw pleasure that you never thought your body was capable of feeling. 

He felt divine as he buried himself inside your sensitive flesh, his moans just would not stop filling your ears, turning you on beyond reason, driving you closer and closer to the edge of Paradise.

“Get on all fours for me, oeyä muntxate”

You obeyed Neteyam's command without thinking twice.

In the blink of an eye, he was inside of you again, reaching deeper this time, making you moan in an addictive mix of pain and delight as his swollen tip reached your womb with every thrust.

"This pretty, tight pussy is all mine now. This body…" He let out an animalistic growl "so fucking hot, all for me. All mine. Yawne…" he moaned loud for you before he pulled out and pumped his cock as his warm, sticky seed fell all over your ass and reached the beginning of your lower back. That sight was by far the most beautiful thing Neteyam had ever seen. He had marked you as his. Completely. His cum covering your skin as a sign to show who you belonged to.

You laid at the wooden floor, flushed and panting a little as Neteyam smirked and kissed your back. He still breathed heavy as he ran his hand over your back, in a sensual caress. Neteyam was beyond proud of what he had done to his precious mate. Now you were utterly, undoubtedly and completely his.

༊⁀➷

When you two were holding each other, cuddling after having made love, you noticed a big scar on Neteyam's arm. How did you not notice it before? It was big and ragged. You felt bad for not noticing it before. But then you realized he wasn't wearing the brown beaded bracelet he used to always wear that day. That must be why. He hid his scar under his bracelet.

“I never noticed before that you had a scar on your arm”

He chuckled, trying to cover up his embarrassment. “Yes, I have one.”

“How did you get it?”

He breathed deeply and then let the air out, his eyes now clouded, like some terrible memory was hunting him. “Fighting against the demons. The Sky People.”

“I see…”

"It's kinda ugly, I know." He joked but you could see right through his smile and the obvious way he was now covering it with his hand. Neteyam was insecure about the way his skin looked with the scar on it.

You kissed the scar on his arm tenderly, your lips gentle as they did so.

"It's not ugly. I like it." You told Neteyam as your eyes were fixed on his scar "It only reminds me that you've been through something terrible but survived it, that you're strong." You looked up into his eyes again and Neteyam smiled at you tenderly yet coyly, showing no teeth.

“The bullet hit my artery. I bled so much when I got shot that my family thought I was gonna die. But I believe the Great Mother found a way to protect me because there was a female warrior with us and she was also a healer. She was able to stop the bleeding until they could get me to my grandmother, the Tsahìk. You know what a Tsahìk is, right?” He smiled softly, petting your face, his thumb gentle as the touch of a flower 

“I do. They're the spiritual leaders and healers of the clans, right?” 

“That's right, yawntu.” Neteyam was happy you knew a lot about his culture. The culture you should have been born in. You were his na'vi mate, in your soul you were na'vi. He knew it, he could feel it. Seeing you in your na'vi body (or in your Dreamwalking body, like his mother and grandmother used to say) felt so right. Like things finally were how they should be. You were just temporarily spending more time in the wrong body, the human one. But that would change soon.

Your heart hurt profusely, you wondered how your life would be if you hadn't met him, if he had died.  It's weird to think this, but you felt like it would hurt you to lose him like that, even if you wouldn't be actually losing him if you would never have met him, right?

Even so… thinking about it made you almost despair. How can you love someone so much like that? That the mere thought of having never met him shatters you? And beyond that, you hated that he had got shot. By humans. Your kind. That made you feel dirty, ashamed to share DNA with such a despicable race, one capable of hurting and almost killing a young man who was just trying to protect his family, his people, his home.

You fought back tears and of course he noticed. Neteyam noticed everything about you. Nothing would go past his golden eyes.

“Hey, don't cry.” He said 

“I hate that it happened to you.” He gave you a comforting smile 

“I survived. It's okay.” All you could do was hug him tight, still stuck in the thought of having lost the opportunity of meeting the best person you ever laid eyes upon

He hugged you back, his arms making you feel at home. They were your home now. You were far too sacred in Neteyam's eyes, like a pure, delicate creature he must protect at any cost. And he would. Neteyam would live and die for you.

He was way more than you had ever dreamed of in a partner. He showed you a kind of love you never even thought could exist, so pure and strong and raw and powerful. You wanted it to engulf you. You wanted to dive deep into Neteyam's ocean and never come back for air again. You wanted to learn how to breathe under his waters, just so you could never leave the state of mind that being loved by him, feeling that love so strongly, all over you, burning you so good, put you in. It was a sweet ecstasy.

After a while, Neteyam walked you back to your small room in the laboratory and when you were safe, inside the building, he headed back to his family's hut. Your taste and the way you felt were still all over him, though. Your beautiful face was haunting his thoughts. A part of him was left with you.

༊⁀➷

"Can I go forward when my heart is here? Turn back, dull earth, and find thy center out.”

Romeo Montague - Romeo and Juliet (William Shakespeare)

༊⁀➷

This is the last chapter of the Part 1 of this story :) see you guys in Part 2, hopefully! Thank you all for reading it and being in this journey with our beloved characters until now 💕

•

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[bingbongsupremacy]

Newborn

Pairing: Joel Miller x reader

Summary: Joel's nervous about holding your new baby.

Warnings: Reader is able to give birth, swearing.

I tried my best not to mention anything very descriptive in this. Pls leg me know of I missed anything. Also I'm taking requests!

♤♤♤♤♤♤

" Fuck! " I gasp, clutching onto Joel's hand. I squeeze him hard. " I don't know if I can fucking do this, Joel. "

This pain is unlike anything I've ever felt before. Red hot flashes course through my body as a new contraction starts up. They're getting closer together.

" I'm so tired. " I groan. Sticky sweat coats my forehead. They say birth is supposed to be beautiful. It doesn't feel beautiful.

" Just a little more, baby. You're almost there. " Joel mumbles. He leans down from his spot next to me and plants a kiss on my sticky forehead.

" You're almost there, Y/N. Just a few more pushes. " Maria encourages. Her hands are cool against my warm legs. " Take some deep breaths. You can do this. "

I don't want to do this anymore. It's been fucking hours.

The sharp pain returns once again, this time stronger than before. I let out a painkiller shout, digging my nails into Joel's hand.

The world blurs with instructions from Maria and gentle words from Joel blending together with my screams.

" The baby's here! " Maria's voice sounds distant as blood rushes through my head. A sharp cry echoes through the room.

My baby. Our baby.

The pain begins to slowly calm down and I'm finally able to catch my breath.

" Good job, baby. Good job. " Joel presses another kiss to my face, his words mumbling against my skin.

" It's a girl. " Maria announces. She carefully walks towards us before gently placing the newborn on my chest.

I stare down at the small wiggly baby on my chest. She's perfect.

Her body is warm and slipper. I gently put a hand on her back, worried she could somehow slip off of me and get hurt.

" She's beautiful. " I whisper.

Her fingers are so small. She's so tiny. I'm scared of breaking her.

I can't believe something so innocent and beautiful can exist in a world like this. A world so dark and hurtful.

" Hi baby. " I gently run one of my fingers along the side of her face. " I'm your mom. "

■■■■■■■

" She looks just like you. " Joel mumbles quietly, his gaze fixated on the baby sleeping in my arms.

Soft grunts escape her little lips every few minutes, a beautiful reminder that she's finally here.

" She's got your eyes. " I reply.

Joel's been fairly quiet the past few hours. He's spent most of his time observing the baby.

" You haven't held her yet. Do you want to? " I ask, looking over at him.

He tenses slightly, a conflicted look flashing over his face. " I don't know. "

" You don't know if you want to hold your baby? "

He's been acting strange today. I'd offered to let him hold her earlier when Ellie came by, but he said he wasn't ready yet.

" I'm scared of hurting her. What if...what if she gets turned? What if I can't protect her? " Fear is evident in his eyes. " I'm old, Y/N. What if I let her down like I let down Sarah? "

I reach out to touch his arm. " Joel, you didn't let down Sarah. You did what you could. You can't blame yourself for something you had no control over. And you won't let down this baby. You haven't let down Ellie. You've fought tooth and nail for that little girl, and I know you'll do the same for our baby. " I gently stroke my thumb over his calloused hand. " You are the strongest man I know. And you're not old, Joel. You're seasoned. "

Joel lets out a laugh. " Seasoned. What the fuck. "

I laugh quietly, trying not to wake up the sleeping baby in my arms. " Besides, I like seasoned men. "

Joel rolls his eyes. " I can't believe you're calling me seasoned. " He mumbles.

" It's better than old. " I point out. " I know you're scared, Joel. I'm scared too. I'm terrified to raise a baby in a world where tomorrow isn't promised. But I have confidence that we can do this. We have each other. We have Ellie. We've survived this long and we can survive longer. " I gently tug his hand towards me. " Now, I have a little someone who really wants to meet her daddy. "

Joel hesitates for a second before finally giving in. He takes a seat on the bed next to me.

I carefully set the baby in his arms. Immediately a smile breaks onto his face.

" Hi, baby. " He mutters while bringing her closer to his face. He gently presses a kiss onto her forehead. " I'm your dad. "

This world is scary.

But I know we can make it together.

[lunarcloak]

Blue Lock Chapter 262: Visual Storytelling

Can we talk about the visual imagery this chapter?? Kaneshiro is always cooking but Nomura cooked extra hard this time with his own illustrative storytelling

An almost entirely white panel. Except for the black spot of Kaiser's hunched figure. Almost as if he's the stain on an otherwise perfect game from BM right now. (He's thrown off balance.)

Here, in the first picture, this is Isagi's view of where Kaiser is right now. On top of a puzzle piece— a symbol of Isagi's power, and also a symbol of how off kilter he is. The second picture is part of a larger paneling of how he's being left on the ground as Isagi runs past him in a flurry of puzzle pieces. Almost as if Isagi's kicking the pieces of his perfect puzzle astray, leaving him to rebuild them from scratch. (The theme of this chapter.)

You can tell he's only barely listening. Eyes are always a huge indicator of visual storytelling— i picked this up from looking at BSD panels for too long. Here there's virtually no pupils, smaller, wider eyeballs because he's not listening to Ness's words. They're going in one ear out the other. Because Ness's words are superficial— He's trying to help, he is, but that is desperately NOT what Kaiser needs right now. He needs to figure out how to FIX this. Not to retreat back into the safety of his cocoon so that he can pretend he's still the star on the field.

NOTICE HOW EVERYTHING IN THE SECOND PANEL CAN DIRECTLY BE RELATED TO ISAGI. The offer from Reale— what if Yoichi gets it instead of me? The throne in this team— what if Isagi takes that, too? Am I about to lose everything I worked to get myself? The whole world is watching my worst performance in years. I can't lose here. I can't be defeated here. Not here, of all places, in Blue Lock.

Negative colouring. The previous, prominent memory I have of this is when Rin went to his "flow" state. It's specifically to emphasise the "HUMAN" wording. It's usually used to showcase a very prominent moment, in this case it's Kaiser realising exactly what the core of his worry is right now. It isn't the defeat, not beating Isagi, not anything. At the moment, he's afraid of losing the very humanity he had thought he clawed himself into. To emphasise this, the black and white being reversed are to indicate that time almost freezes, completely changing his perspective and line of thought at that moment.

Less dramatic, still negatively scaled panel. Emphasising how he's really digging into his psyche here and going "Oh, I'm scared. I'm afraid of losing everything I've got for myself." The last time this happened was when his secret money stash was found— he didn't care as much then, because there was nothing to lose that he hadn't already lost. But now? Now, it matters a lot more. Because he's built himself up on an entirely shaky foundation. Note how he's also sliding below here, losing his footing, like he's lost the stable ground he thought he had.

The angle of this panel makes it look like he's climbing upwards, and he's just lost his grip on the wall before him, and is in the process of falling. It's extremely well done.

Plenty people have already pointed this one out— yeah Isagi's just reached a height that's similar to Noa's. The position Kaiser thought he used to have, but now he's not even on the staircase to victory and the treasure he thought he would attain soon is now inching towards his most challenging rival to date.

You will never see him this tired, this defeated, or this melancholic ever again. At this point, his eyes are no longer that wide, shocked stare of not seeing. Now he's comprehended his stance, and he's come back into himself.

Each petal is a memory, a visual representation of the crumbling of the rose he once held. It's gone now, there's no rose in his hand anymore (nothing for him to hold onto anymore). When you have no roses in hand, you grow a new bouquet. When you have nothing, there's nothing to lose if you go reaching for something to hold onto again.

But HERE, the petals can be interpreted in two ways— either he's being reformed from the petals of a new rose (blank petals, not representative ones). OR, you can interpret it as those very petals dissipating from his being, leaving him as this black, blank slate to rebuild himself. Zero— as in no colour, no petals, no gardens to flourish anymore. Only way to move now is up.

Also I'd like to draw your attention to the negative paneling again— inverted this time, the exact opposite of the previously conveyed emotion. Now he's the one in the black, working to redefine himself. He's already redefined the external aspects.

Your Zero— Your Beginning. I LOVE this page, even if it's a repeat. It conveys so much. Kaneshiro and Nomura are such a GOOD TEAM

A black hand clasps around the core memory— the memory of when he truly had only his football. He can't let that petal float away, that's one he wants to keep. That's the idea he wants to hold onto. He crushes the petal into his hand, assimilating it into his new beginning. That's the one he'll hold onto, to recraft the person that is Michael Kaiser.

[just-my-type-x]

Heyy just wondering if you do requests, if so I was wondering if you could do a Colby brock one where they are in the shadow man mannor in wales and the reader is colbys 2 months pregnant gf, but like they haven’t told anyone she was pregnant yet, and she’s a medium and stuff keeps happening to her and the spirt box tells everyone she’s pregnant just like a very scary and worried and protective colby requests please.

Spoiled Surprise

We start the investigation in one of the upstairs rooms, looking for the tall, dark shadow man that seems to scare the owners and the visitors of the house. I let the boys walk forward and I'm between Colby and Kat, her amd Stas being the last ones. We enter the room and a cold breeze washes over my face.

"Woah", i take a step back, almost stepping on Kat's foot. I capture everyone's attention. "Didn't you feel like a cold breeze hitting you?"

"No?", Colby answers and we keep on walking until we reach the center of the room. "So stuff starts happening already, we should hit things off. We have an emf reader, the well known spirit box and our ovilus.", Colby points to the devices that me and Sam hold. The small space of the room would normally make the air between us warmer. But now... I start shaking and the girls hug themselves, shivers running through our bodies.

Sam starts pointing the emf reader around the room, proving that none of our devices are at fault for the spiking.

"Woah, woah, point to that corner", i point with my finger to the corner of the room.

"Why? Do you see something?", Sam asks panicked

"I saw a tall, dark shape right there, i can't see it anymore but i still feel it.", from an instinct, i put a hand over my belly as a protective act and take a deep breath. The room got colder and the emf spikes to red. "Told you", i smirk

"That's insane", Colby smiles proudly at me and i bump into him playfully. "Are you feeling alright?", he asks me almost whispering. We kept my pregnancy a secret and we intend to do so because we want to make sure everything is safe and sound until we make the announcement to our friends and family. Nobody knows except us and it's so hard to keep things hidden, especially when the morning sickness kicks in and the four of us are having breakfast. Colby found out that i am pregnant when i was already a few weeks in and i took the opportunity of not having Sam and Kat one night around. I cooked dinner and made a type of date at home. After we ate, i told Colby i have something for him and reached for a gift box, where i put the smallest pair of shoes, my pregnancy test and a note saying "come back to us after ghost hunting". There aren't enough words to express his happiness when he realised what was actually happening. We both cried happy tears and ever since then, our relationship became even stronger. He's very protective over me and loves taking care of me. It was so hard for him not to call his parents and tell Sam about the baby, but we both knew it is for the best to have it a secret.

"I'm great baby. The place just freaks me out, that's all", i assure him and i put my hand back on my belly for a split second.

"Let's try the spirit box. Y/N said she's still feeling him, maybe the shadow man will come through", i nod at Colby's words and he turns on the spirit box.

I cross my arms at my chest and Kat does the same, both of us leaning on the wall with our backs.

Hi Sam

"I'm sorry what", Sam's eyes grow wide and tries keeping his calm. We laugh at his reaction.

"You're not coming back to Vegas", Kat jokes and we laugh even more.

Corner

"Are you in the corner?", Colby asks but i shake my head no before he would get an answer

"He's not there. He's closer to us, i just can't see him", i look around the room, but can't see anything out of the ordinary

Be careful

You carry something *interference* valuable

"What?", Colby asks, unable to comprehend the whole sentence

"Something valuable?", Sam frowns. "We have money, do you want us to leave you some dollars?", he looks around the room

I look at Colby who's just as concentrated as Sam.

Engage

Y/N

"Engage myself, what?", i chuckle

"i think conversation wise", Colby points out and we laugh.

"That makes more sense", i say and take a step forward. Cold air floats in the middle of our group. "Hi, I'm y/n and I'm a medium. I would love it if you would come forward so i could see you. We mean no harm, we just want to understand your world better", i look into the camera that Colby holds. "It's weird every time i say that". He chuckles behind the camera.

You should go home

Not your place

I'll harm *interference*

"You can't harm any of us. We'll leave when we have more answers", i say and i get dizzy all of a sudden, but play it cool.

You have a baby

Keep it hidden

My face goes as white as a wall and look to Colby whose eyes were wide and his bottom lip starts quivering in anger.

"What baby?", Sam asks confused and looks at Kat

"Don't look at me?", she frowns at him

Both Colby and i keep quiet and wait for something to happen.

Y/N

"Well fuck", i nervously laugh. I massage my forehead with my fingers.

"Wait what? You're pregnant?", Kat asks loudly and i look at Colby who starts laughing from behind the camera. He puts the camera on a chair and comes by my side. He hugs me from behind and puts his hands on my growing belly. Colby shows the shape of my barely noticeable bump and they hug us one by one, congratulating us.

"When did this happen?", Sam asks colby

"Almost two months ago. We wanted to keep it a secret until we made sure everything is going the right way.", he kisses the top of my head.

"We're so happy for you, this is insane", Kat says and holds my hand in support.

"Thank you, we love you", we have a group hug and go back to investigating. Sam takes the camera while Colby stays close to me.

"Can you give us a sign that you're here?", Colby asks and a loud bang is immediately heard. "Thank you. Can you use this device to talk to us?", he points to the spirit box once again

Leave

You're not supposed to be here

As the second sentence is said, the dizziness becomes heavier and i lean on Kat for some support.

"Are you ok?", she asks worried

"I'm fine", i lie, but she grabs my hand

"You're burning", she says and puts the back of her hand on my forehead to check again. "Yes you are", the boys stop the spirit box to check on me. Colby puts a hand on my back.

"I'm fine", i lie again and i clear my throat when i feel like i can't breath. I move away from Kat and Colby and try taking a deep breath but fail. I loosen the collar of my blouse and try taking a deep breath again, choking for the need of air.

"Leave her alone!", Colby's deep voice echoes in the room, but i manage to exit it before i see any improvements of Colby's demand on the ghost. I sit on a chair. "Y/N, baby", he comes and kneels in front of me, while i try to catch my breath as i feel like running 5 miles.

"I'm ok now.", i say and lean my head to meet Colby's lips. We both get up and we hug each other. "My neck is burning, tho"

I realise there's something wrong when he gasps and his angry look takes over. "You have finger marks on your neck", his voice breaks and my mouth falls open. Sam comes to check on me too, shocked of how real the choke hold looks. As we talk, the chair i sat on earlier, falls on the ground, hitting the back of my leg. I jump in surprise of what happened. Colby grabs my arm and pulls me into his arms, protecting me.

"You are not allowed to hurt any of us anymore", i shout and a loud bang is heard again.

"The door just shut", Sam says trying to keep his calm. "He doesn't want us back there"

"He's right there", i point behind Sam and we all freak out.

"Is he doing something?", Colby asks

"No, but he's very angry", i feel nauseous and i clear my throat to shake the feeling away. A sharp pain under my abdomen makes me wince in pain. I put my hands over my belly as to protect the baby.

"Let's go, now", Colby almost shouts and starts running with me down the hallway to get me out of there. I take a deep breath when we arrive in the garden, already feeling better. "Hey, you ok? Do you need anything? We can go to the doctor, there's definitely someone working this late", he almost says everything without taking a breath. I kiss him and he relaxes under my touch.

"I feel good. We can go for a check up just to make sure, but I'm feeling alright, babe", he sighs in relief and kisses my forehead.

"I don't know what i would do if something happened to the two of you", he hugs me tightly and his body shivers.

"You're going to be the best dad in the world.",i assure him, knowing he struggles with this thought ever since he found out about the baby.

"I really hope so. And i want to be the best husband in the world too", he smiles and i blush.

"You'll definitely be.", i say and kiss him once more.

[kissesforsatoru]

MINE FOREVER | wc: 1.1k

BONTEN! SANZU HARUCHIYO x GN! READER

₊˚⌗ after a bad argument with sanzu, you try to leave him. he doesn’t take it very well. or sanzu’s yandere awakening

⤷ cw : general yandere themes, violent thoughts, violent outbursts, threatening violence, choking, mentioned murder, possessive behavior, a lot of cussing, reader is in love with sanzu but vv scared of him, sanzu doesn’t really understand his emotions, comfort??? maybe??? it’s up to interpretation i guess, somewhat soft sanzu

"haruchiyo, you're being mean," you say while looking up at him through your tear-soaked lashes. your voice sounds so raw when you speak his full name, cracked and broken from all of the crying you've been doing, but no doubt the way he's been treating you attributes to the defeat in your tone.

he looks at you with an indecipherable expression, but inside of his head he's overwhelmed by thoughts assaulting him all at once at full force. mean? he's being... mean??? something about the word catches haruchiyo off guard. he's used to you screaming at him that's he's an asshole, a heartless monster, and anything else that dehumanizes and villainizes him in the worst ways, but you've never called him fucking mean before. what the hell does that even mean, and why does it hurt so fucking much to hear that coming from you? his hand reaches up hesitantly to rub at his chest where his heart is, irritated that it won't stop thumping painfully against his ribcage.

"what did you honestly expect from me, angel? i'm a murderer. murderers aren't exactly fucking nice you know," he spits, rolling his eyes. he immediately regrets it. why does he regret it?

a weak noise falls from your lips and the pang in haruchiyo's chest thrums faster, harder; he's now digging his nails into his skin with an angry growl, uncaring of if he starts to bleed. no wound, not even ones from knives or bullets, hurt as badly as whatever the fuck it is that he's experiencing right now. it's excruciating, and annoying.

you laugh, dry and bitter, "yeah, what did i expect?" you whisper under your breath just loud enough for haruchiyo to hear. you aren't agreeing with him, that much haurchiyo understands. you're questioning why the hell you're even with a crazy bastard like him.

he wants to strangle you for being so snarky, watch you struggle and beg for his fucking forgiveness for causing such a big fucking problem for no fucking reason; you should expect only bad from haruchiyo by this point, so why bother bringing up all the things he does wrong? but... sanzu doesn't move to put his hands on you even a little bit—something is stopping him. he doesn't know what.

"haruchiyo," you call, sniffling and biting back a sudden onslaught of tears, "this isn't working out."

another pang, and now a sudden feeling of restlessness itches at him along with it. shit, did he take a new drug and fucking forget about it or something? what the hell is going on with him?

"what?" he growls, finally taking a step towards you. you flinch, closing your eyes as you look away. haruchiyo ignores it despite the fact that, again, his heart aches and pounds and practically cries out in pain with the way it's beating so fucking loudly that the sound rings incessantly in his ears. 

he takes three more steps before he's right in front of you, bending down a bit so that he's face to face with you sitting on the couch. "you wanna fucking repeat that for me, sweetheart?" he hisses. you flinch again, leaning back a little bit so that he's not so close to you. you're shaking, which almost makes him smirk, but he's honestly too pissed off to really find any sort of amusement in your fear right now.

"this isn't working out, haruchiyo. i can't do this anymore," you whimper pathetically. a sob slips past your lips when haruchiyo slams his hand on the couch beside you.

"that's really too fucking bad. you're not leaving me," he snarls, pushing you down onto the couch and crawling over you to pin you under him. you whimper again when you feel his hand on your throat, right at the juncture of your neck and jaw, squeezing with enough force to be threatening, but not painful. he watches as you sob uncontrollably, hiccupping and choking on tears that slip between your pursed lips.

"haruchiyo, please," you barely are able to say through the scratchiness of your voice that cracks under each word, "you're scaring me. you always scare me, i—i can't live being scared all the time." you try to reason with him, but haruchiyo isn't a reasonable person in the least bit. he clicks his tongue.

"you're fucking mine. you belong to me; do you understand me? you don't get to leave me because of a stupid fucking reason like that. you don't get to leave ever." he squeezes on your throat tighter, still not tight enough to hurt you, but your hands instantly shoot up to grab at his wrist anyway. he doesn't try to push you off because you aren't a threat to him; he can easily overpower you and for that reason he lets you have your semblance of security.

"i asked you a fucking question, y/n, you better fucking answer me," he urges, leaning down closer to you to you to nip at your cheek in warning. you gasp and whine at the feeling and clamber to muster up a reply that will satisfy him in your fearful, anxiety ridden state.

"mhm, yes– yes, i understand, haru," you manage to get out, and you hope the nickname you always call him will help you to soothe him, reassure him enough for him to ease up and let go of your neck.

he looks down at you for just a few seconds that feel like hours under his intense gaze, and then, "good. don't you ever try to pull that shit with me again or i will break your fucking legs so you can't even dream of leaving me," he warns, letting go of your throat. he doesn't move off of you though; instead, he dips down and his tongue presses into your skin to tenderly lap at the tears that are still pitifully slipping down your cheeks, humming at the salty taste. you breathe out a sigh of relief and lay limply under him, allowing him to do with you what he pleases.

when he's done, haruchiyo lowers himself onto you all the way and wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer into his body. he kisses at your cheek and jaw sweetly, and you hate to admit that the action lulls you, calms you down and makes you feel safe again—haruchiyo has that effect on you, unfortunately.

the pain in haruchiyo's heart has dissipated, and he feels at ease knowing you no longer wanna leave him. he realizes he would die if he ever let you go and he's going to make damn fucking sure that you don't.

© 2023 by kolyasobsession━all rights reserved. modification, reproduction or plagiarism of my works and theme are strictly prohibited. likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated.

[lloydfrontera]

my biggest gripe with the manhwa rn is that they made javier more of an asshole than he is in the novel and then took away most of the scenes where we see him being kind and soft with others.

javier can be an ass, he is a brat and he's especially annoying when he's with lloyd, but above anything else he is kind and loyal and selfless and good. i cannot emphasize enough how good javier is. he's the kind of person who cannot see someone in trouble or danger and do nothing about it. he's the kind of person who would sacrifice his life for total strangers and no hope of any reward. he's the kind of person who can't even enjoy a lavish party without feeling guilty because he'd much rather help people in need with that money.

he's so fucking good, lloyd is a little annoyed by it because he keeps getting dragged into life-threatening situations because javier just won't stop helping people they don't even know. mind you, lloyd is also endeared by this and would not want him to change but god can it be frustrating in his endeavor to keep them both alive.

there's this particular scene that i just. i'm so sad it was cut. where javier is helping around the refugee camp, going without sleeping and eating so he can focus on helping as many people as possible and then he spots a little kid that got lost on his way back. so he decides to help him.

and he's so gentle with this kid.

Javier walked over to the kid and called him. The flustered boy looked up. Javier strove to put on a warm smile on his face. "Are you lost?" “...” The boy nodded, his eyes all wet. Javier carefully stroked the boy's head. "I think I can help you with that. Why don't you let me help find your tent?" suggested Javier. “...” The boy nodded again. "But why didn't you eat the food? It's going to get cold. Are you not hungry?" "I am… hungry," the boy finally said. But what he said next caught Javier by surprise. "But I won't eat it," said the boy. "Why not?" "My mother is hungrier." "Is that so?" "Yes." “...” Javier wondered why this kid came out to take the food when he had a mother. There must be a reason, he thought to himself. He held out his hand. "I will hold the tray for you." "..." "I won't spill it. I promise." "Okay..." Javier took the tray and wrapped the boy’s hand with his own.

like. god. javier is not a naturally warm person. he's very reserved and stoic and sometimes outright cold, but he still tries so hard with this kid. because he knows what it's like to be him. he knows what it's like to be a child and be scared and hungry and without a home. and he remembers how much it meant for a kind adult to reach out a hand to him and help. and he wants to be that to others too.

everything he does, he does because he genuinely believes it's the right thing to do and therefore his obligation. and even when it doesn't come naturally to him, like being warm and gentle to a child, he still tries his best to do so.

and like that wasn't enough, when they finally find the kid's mom, javier finds out she's blind. recently blinded actually. that she used all her strength to get her child to safety and now she has to depend on him to take care of them because she can't do it anymore. her blouse is smudged with porridge.

so javier kneels down and explains who he is, why he's there and that he wants to help. he lifts up a spoonful of food and slowly and carefully starts to feed her himself. she's a complete stranger and javier doesn't hesitate one second to do this for her.

this is who javier is!! this is who he is at his core!! he's kind and he's selfless and he's above all else good!!

if your audience can't imagine javier comforting a child, then you failed your audience. you missed the point of his character.

[georgiebrits]

Panic attack -Yang Jungwon

You were working when you got a call from Sunghoon "Hoonie"

“Hey y/n! Sorry I had to call but it's a very important matter!”

“Sunghoon what is it? Do you need me to come over or…?”

“Yes, it is about Jungwon" You could hear the desperation in his voice

“Okay.. what about him?"

“He's been really stressed out, and has hardly left his apartment!” He sounded like he was crying “I think he's having a panic attack right now"

"I'm on my way. Just make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

You hung up and started walking as fast as possible to his apartment building,

When you finally reached the place you knocked, waiting for someone to answer

It took a while but finally, the door opened

The first thing you noticed was that Sunghoon looked really worried

Then you noticed how pale he was and how his hair looked messy. You saw that he had bags under his eyes

After that, you saw that he didn't look healthy at all. He was thin and looked exhausted

“Y/n, thank god! He's in here!” He led you inside to his living room and pointed at the couch where Sunghoon had just sat

There he was, Jungwon

His breathing was so rapid and shallow, that he looked like he couldn't breathe properly. His cheeks and ears were flushed red and tears were streaming down his face.

"I'm here Jungwon..." You say while grabbing onto him "It's going to be ok".

Sunghoon stood up saying "I'm going out for a bit. Take some time and if anything happens call me."

He left out the door when you grabbed Jungwon's face to make him look at you.

“Look at me Jungwon, everything is going to be fine.” You try to reassure him

Jungwon looks at you with scared eyes and starts crying again

“Please... don't cry anymore..." He whispers through his sobbing "Please... don't leave me, please... I can't"

In a situation like this one it is hard to calm him down, but you have been together for long enough that you decided to do the one thing that seems to do the trick.

You lead his hand to your breast. Your boyfriend's hand instinctively squeezes your breast, eliciting a soft moan from your lips. He lightly circles his thumb over your nipple, sending shivers through your body. He really has something for your boobs, it always calms him down.

As he pushes down your shirt, your breasts are fully exposed and he takes one into his mouth, sucking and gently biting your nipple. You let out a gasp of pleasure, arching your back.

He looks so cute suckling your breasts like that.

He looks up towards you, his eyes still filled with fear, and you lean down to kiss his forehead, whispering a small word of encouragement.

He pulls away slightly from your chest and leans against your shoulder

“Are you ready to stop now, love?”

He shakes his head no as he hikes up your skirt and gets your panties off.

Your boyfriend's fingers move between your legs, trailing up and down, teasing your clit. You moan his name, your body writhing with pleasure. His fingers finally slip inside you, making you gasp and pant.

His other hand goes to your breast again, kneading them lovingly. His touch makes your breath hitch in anticipation.

He keeps stroking your breast as he kisses your neck. You feel wetness on your skin and a moment later he's lapping it off.

“Oh fuck Jungwon, fuck"

He lowers his pants enough so his cock can spring free. He wastes no time in lining himself up with your entrance.

You feel him enter you, filling you up and stretching you out. His thrusts start off slow and steady, but soon he's pounding into you with wild abandon. You moan and whimper, your body responding to his every touch. He grabs onto your hips, pulling you closer to him with each thrust.

Your moans get louder and higher pitched until you're screaming his name in orgasm.

“Fuck, Y/n, fuck" He yells. You both collapse onto the couch, sweaty and sated

The two of you lie there for quite some time, catching your breaths. It feels good to be close to him.

"Why were you having a panic attack? What happened?" you ask after your breathing returns to normal.

Your boyfriend looks at you with concern, his hand still resting on your hip. "I don't know," he says, shaking his head. "It just hit me out of nowhere. I started feeling really anxious and my heart was racing. I couldn't catch my breath." He leans in to kiss you, trying to reassure himself that everything is okay.

You accept, returning the gesture.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you question after breaking the kiss

.

“Not really,” he replies looking at you “I feel like it will only make everything worse.”

“If you ever change your mind, we'll always be here.” You wrap an arm around him

You kiss him and get dressed again to go and make dinner for everyone when they get home.

[harmonysanreads]

Can we get more yan vamp alhaitham? (⁠✯⁠ᴗ⁠✯⁠)

About how he feeds on reader once he got the go signal, yk like his favorites spot to bite, how long and often does he feed, does he like to take it slow or make it fast and maybe like how he takes care of reader once he's done omg (⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠）

I see you've fallen in brainrot hell as well :^ welcome welcome now I'm not alone anymore mwahahahaha

cw(s): yandere, blood, biting

art credit to MiotaWorks on Twitter

「 au masterlist 」

Alhaitham restrained himself for as long as he could, not because your blood was unappealing (good heavens, no, he'd much rather consume a gallon of soup and die than utter such falsehood) but rather that he knew he wouldn't be able to stop should he even get a drop of a taste.

Despite all talk of the Vampire Lords' refined reign, Alhaitham knows that no matter the effort, in the end ; black takes no other hue. His stern countenance masks the greater proportion of his carnal urges but Alhaitham knows there slumbers a shackled avarice deep inside his psyche. He knows there looms an undeniable proprietorial shadow over anything that has the misfortune of attracting his attention. Keeping a human with such enticing blood at arms reach is, a stupid decision when he also doesn't intend to drink from them. Well, not as soon as you'd expect at least. Lest he scares you more and ruins the most vital step of his plan — no, that simply can't be allowed.

Fortunately for you, his hands aren't as calloused as his heart.

Regardless of where he decides to bite, he'll always have one arm around your waist to hold you up and the other on a pulse point (by the side of your neck or wrist), so that, he knows when to stop. Humans are fragile, this he'd cared enough to understand on a factual basis thus far. But, when he has you on his lap, teeth sunken deep into the soft flesh of your neck and the metronomic throb of your pulse against his thumb, slowing the longer he decides to feed — he finally manages to grasp the full extent of it and a part of him is terrified, perhaps for the first time.

Alhaitham treats you in a way his most valued book would be jealous of (if it could), with such delicacy even he was unaccustomed to. There is an unexpected beauty even in shattered glass, but the vampire does not want you broken and putty for him to rearrange as he pleases, that's not the you he's fallen beyond saving for. He wants you in your pristine entirety — complacent to the few of his vital orders but, the you that makes him believe this world isn't so wretched, nonetheless. Alhaitham's innermost desire is an unperturbed life achieved by the grandiose plan he's drafted and he loathes the possibility of it facing such ruination by a wee mishap of his, especially as it's clear to him that you're the final, missing thus far puzzle piece of it.

(More explanation on this in a later post.)

The most difficult part of any endeavor is getting started and for Alhaitham, that might've been his very first taste of your blood. You still think back to that moment and wonder what exactly compelled you to give him permission out of your own volition : was it that this.. creature had ultimately saved your miserable life and brought you in one far more comfortable and secure than you've ever had? Was it his patience and understanding that contradicted every perception you've had for his kind? Or, was it the gratitude built from all of Alhaitham's actions that urged you to bare your skin as he'd crashed onto the sofa beside you after disappearing for a week-worth mission, starved and ready to shrivel up should his much needed meal be delayed further?

Perhaps it's all of them, perhaps it's just your too-good-for-this-world heart that constantly makes you a target of people's greed. Whatever it was, matters no more since you're already too deep in Alhaitham's grasp. See, there's this thing many people delude ; when a vampire feeds, pain is not the only thing felt and when one drowns in those feelings for too long, they become their friend. You've sunken so far that the cause of that decision merely floats through your head ; but never have you wondered why a treasured and crucial vampire such as Alhaitham would ever starve out of nowhere or why his stock of blood at home had miraculously emptied before he left and soon enough, this itsy-bitsy clarity would be sullied, too.

As for the vampire in question, he'd taken much longer time exploring and getting accustomed to your physique. Finding weak points that'd make you whimper, shiver, whine ; elicit any kind of reaction for short and it's an experiment he doesn't mind — scratch that, looks forward to assess forever.

When he deems the timing appropriate, Alhaitham gets bolder ; biting just a little bit harder in harmless teasing or staying in that position without taking blood just to see what you'll do or say. Nothing that'll reduce you to crying or anything. There's an instance where it could happen though ; all it'd take is a mention of the outside world or your previous life — perchance curiosity overtakes you. Worry not, for Alhaitham will always pepper the hurt with kisses at the end.

As much as the vampire would love to sustain himself through your blood solely, he knows your body wouldn't be able to handle that. Your health and safety is his top priority, so he's content with getting a sip once a day (preferably before your bedtime). Once, you actually fell asleep from sheer lethargy on his bed and woke up to see an Alhaitham, still as a statue beneath your form ; he couldn't dare move a muscle because you looked so at peace :( After the blur of your flustered apologies passes, he insists you just sleep on his bed from now, saves you so much energy, no? Yet again, another step crossed from his list.

Alhaitham prefers drinking slow, undoubtedly. He's all the time in the world and with the limited amount he already takes, he wouldn't want even an atom to be wasted. As for his favourite spot to bite, he really doesn't mind as long as it's you. Leaning more towards the neck because then gets to hold you incredibly close and can hear your racing heartbeat. But, if you'd be generous enough to let him kneel down and sink his fangs into the soft flesh of your thigh — he'd be the happiest vampire ever. Hm, time will tell.

In summary, you don't need to fret over anything in Vampire Alhaitham's care ; as long you abandon everything he deems unnecessary and as a hindrance, you'll be the happiest human as well.

[your-turn-to-role]

so, was rewatching s1 of lovm, got to episode three again. and i'm thinking about percy's backstory. and also because of sylas briarwood, thinking about dalen's closet

and percy's got a real interesting relationship with the concept of drowning, huh

i mean first of all he's almost drowned (or actually drowned) three major times in the story. and all of those had similar themes, though different outcomes

so to explain what i mean, let's look at these in chronological order

1) the river. one of the worst days of his life, if not the actual worst. watching your entire family murdered, being locked up and tortured, your siblings bodies dumped in the cells next to you, just to rub it in. after weeks of this, you learn your youngest sister is alive, and she helps you escape, it's the first tiny bit of hope you've had. and then they kill her. you realise you're on your own all over again. you're hurt and you're lost and you don't know what to do, you run because you can't do anything else. and then you trip and before you know it you're in water and it's freezing and you can't breathe or move and you're so scared and so tired- and you don't remember much after that

when that fishing boat finds percy, he's basically in a fugue state, he has no idea what's going on and is barely responding to anything, his mind just couldn't take it anymore and left. and it doesn't get any better when he comes back to himself, because he survived, but for what. they're all gone. he couldn't do anything about it. he couldn't even save his sister like she saved him

and yes, they eventually save whitestone, and get cass back, but that experience stays with him

because then we get 2) duskmeadow.

percy's just learned that ripley bought up near industrial amounts of gunpowder, and he's terrified. he doesn't know what she's planning, but he knows what she will do with his weapons will change the world for the worse. it'll get countless people killed. and he made the decision to let her go, because at the time his personal revenge mattered more to him. he's feeling that "i survived for what" more than ever, because now not only did he survive when his family didn't, he didn't deserve to be the one that survived. none of the others would have caused destruction on this scale. he's not just alive for no reason, him being alive made things worse. (this is kinda explicitly his most suicidal point in the campaign, to the point of he literally wrote a goodbye letter that evening, and then just kept it on his person knowing vox machina would find it when his mistakes inevitably got him killed)

and so he goes to ask the raven queen for help. he's not yet reached the point where he's stopped trusting in gods (this meeting is about to be what sparks that), and he knows she's helped vax, so maybe she can help him, tell him how to fix this, he'll do anything

but there's only one way to talk to the raven queen. and that's to willingly let yourself drown in the communion pool.

and he tries, he tries so hard. he's putting every bit of trust he has in the raven queen right now, that this will be okay. but it's freezing and he can't breathe and he's so scared and so tired and all he can think about is how he survived and he shouldn't have, and then he has a panic attack. the only reason it eventually works is because he hits his head on the stone of the pool and then he's too confused and hurt to fight it

and when he finally talks to her, she tells him he can't fix it. that he was a broken person right from the start.

so far his two experiences with drowning have not only caused him lasting trauma around the whole experience, but continually affirmed that he's not only incapable of saving anyone he cares about, he actually makes the situation worse just by getting involved. and drowning honestly in itself makes a pretty good metaphor for how overwhelming and out of his control all of this is

but 3) dalen's closet. god, this was so good for percy and vex in so many ways, you can keep meta-ing about this episode for years. and in this case, sylas' attempt to murder vex and percy? chain them up and drop them from a cliff into the ocean

they're both drowning. there's no easy way out, and no one around who could rescue them

their attempts to free themselves, while clever, don't work

vex loses consciousness

it's just percy, alone, about to lose the person he loves most in the world, again. to a man who only knew vex even existed because percy got her involved

and percy doesn't panic

by all rights he should have, he's certainly got more than enough reason to. but he manages to stay calm enough to figure out a way to get his head above water, and to yell for help, because his fault or no he is not losing anyone else

and because of that, their friends can find them in time. he didn't get vex killed, he saved her

he's not helpless underwater anymore. and he's certainly not broken beyond repair. and it's only now that he's come far enough to realise that

[mysticficti0n]

heyhey B!

I love ur writing more than I love air ykwim but I want to ask if you can write Y/n finding out their show has been canceled and the TH boys back her up when she starts arguing with the managers (they're like 16-17 ish in this)

also congrats on the job !!!

thanks sugar ❤︎

Okay yes- I love writing for angry characters 🤭

Don't F*ck with her

∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞　

warnings- swearing, roughhousing?

words- 1.1k

(I used my friend Erik for the managers name btw she said he would be a bald fat guy?)

"you're joking?" Y/n rose from her make-up chair were she had already finished her look and was ready for the stage "no- Lynsey your fucking with me right? we're meant to be on in literally twenty minuets and you come in here and tell me it's canceled!" the girl was seething

"Y/n I'm sorry- you need to speak with the manager I can't do anything" her assistant directed with a sorry face "I was just told, the audience will find out soon" Y/n shot past Lynsey who quickly followed her to the boys changing room, the sound of laughing and jokes broke as she yanked the door open

"he fucking canceled the show" Y/n spat

"what?" the boys faces dropped "what do you mean canceled?"

"fucking canceled it! I swear to god I'm going to go ape-shit on Chris right fucking now, who's coming?" with a face like thunder Tom got up followed by his brother and the others "Lyn where are they?"

"follow me" Lyn had worked with the band for years she was one of their best friends and knew that they'd had enough with this new manager Chris constantly messing things up, the red-haired girl directed them to the 'office room' where Chris was sat watching tv "sir- the band are here to see you" he sighed

"yes?" Y/n shoved past the door and eyed the man up "Y/n?"

"canceled?!" Bill asked but was more of a 'are you taking the piss?' sort of voice "were meant to be on soon!"

"I realise that- but" Tom looked toward the girl who was chewing her lip to the point blood would probably start dripping "look"

"No you look right fucking here- we have a whole audience out there still oblivious to the fact were not going on and what reason are we meant to give? our managers a stupid dickwad who is messing around the 5 people who make him the money that feeds his fucking family hm?" Chris stood up from his seat and walked toward the girl, the boys took a step back but she stayed in her place, Gustav reached toward the girl but she didn't budge. Chris was now an inch away from her face, their eyes locked "you don't scare me- not anymore I'm not gonna let you do anything more to our band-"

"who says you have a choice- I own you all, I could snatch every reputation you ever have away from you in a second" his hand went around the girl jaw before letting go quickly "so go back to you room- take off that slutish make up and shut your mouths- understand me?" Bill had enough of seeing Y/n toyed with, he stepped forward shoving the man off her space, a laugh beloved from the man as he turned to the boys, eyes mostly set upon Bill

"don't fucking touch my brother-" Tom spoke pulling Bill back to him "you are fucking ruining our careers and like Y/n said- you pull this show, not one of us get any money- so grow a fucking pair you bald prick and let us play"

"you're a fucking stupid cunt- your making our lives a fucking nightmare" Gustav yelled getting nods from the other 4

"think I'm going to listen to 5 little kids? you're all pathetic" Georg scoffed

"mate your what 55 and make your living of us- your last band fired you so you came to us, who said we ever wanted a money stealing, pervy, pissface owning us?"

"good point- actually tell you what Chris get your shit together- your fired and were going onto that god-damn-fucking stage and telling that whole ass stadium, guys get your stuff were going" Bill walked out and straight to stage, the Tokio Hotel intro hadn't even played but the 5 walked on and the audience roared as they entered "HELLO GEORGIA" the band yelled

"so were sorry about the hold up but we wanna say something- so you all know Chris Satpled? yeah well we just fucking fired the lunatic as he was cancelling our shows and was trying to cancel tonights" Y/n screamed to them all and a huge boo ran through the people making the band clap them, the 5 ran to their instruments, Tom, Georg and Y/n went to get their guitars, Bill and Georg went to their places and waited for the three

"were gonna preform for you all tonight and we'll have a special song for Chris later-" Bill laughed as the band began playing

∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧✧༺♥༻∞　

"Thank you for a wonderful show everyone and as we said we have a very special song for Chris- so it goes like this- FUCK CHRIS SATPLED FUCK CHRIS SATPLED FUCK CHRIS SATPLED FUCK CHRIS SATPLED" Bill started a chant through the whole stadium of people, the guitarist kept strumming a beat they created along with Gustav and the crowd, Y/n took a step forward to the mic and coughed

"Oh these were bought by Chris' company so-" she took a step back, unhooking the guitar strap from her and slamming it to the floor and a cheer shot from everyone, next Tom and Georg started smashing their guitars and the sound of symbols crashing to the floor as Gustav kicked them down and stabbed the skins of his drums and shoved them along with the kit

The band all met at the front and took one last bow before going off and jumping at each other laughing, they had backstage runners asking what they were doing but the band ignored them all.

Time past and they knew that a crowd would be outside and they also knew Chris would have to walk through them all, they waited at the exit doors and Chris was their speaking with the bands security, their ex-manager took one last look at the all and rolled his eyes "punks"

"get fucked you absolute wank stain- I hope you get fucked over again and again" Y/n grinned waving to the man who pull his coat taught

"I'll find a better band who respects a man like me" Tom shook his head walking to the man and patting his shoulder

"good luck finding a better band than us you knob- now get the fuck out" the people outside cheer's turned to boo's as the stumpy man walked out, water was thrown at him and the chant started again making the band burst out laughing and soon followed his last footsteps, Tom walked close to the girl as they calmed down grabbing things to sign from fans "you know what- we found you all pretty hot when angry" Y/n laughed shoving him away "hey don't just attack me we all did"

"shut it Kaulitz- I swear to god I'll kill you all" she walked away from the 4 boys and started speaking with fans and taking pictures

"don't fuck with her huh?" Georg laughed

"agreed" the other joined following Y/n "hot though?" Gustav looked to the boys who quickly nodded and all started giggling away

[heeseung-min]

I love your 21:07 yandere jake. Could u make a ni-ki ver where his s/o saw him killing and he tried to explain that he loves them very much that's why he's doing it and y/n accepted him and maybe a scenario where y/n is watching him beat up someone bc they flirted w/ y/n. Sorry if it's too long or confusing IENSIENEISKSJ

first of all, thank you so much for appreciating my works :) i hope you have a nice day!!!! So sorry for the late answer 😔

[15:37]

"The number you called is not available right now. Please call back again-"

You huffed at the screen that shows your boyfriend's number, Riki. He said he will be back by 6 but now it's already 11 p.m.

You know Riki is good enough to protect himself from any danger but still you feel worried because murder cases were increasing day by day in your town. You are afraid Riki will be the next victim.

Sighing, you went to the basement to take your laundry. When you reached down there, suddenly you heard a very loud scream. A man's scream to be exact. You turned around trying to find where is the source of the sound. It's impossible to find it here at the basement because you knew there's no any room inside here.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Maybe it has. You went to the rear of the basement and tried to find anything suspicious at the wall.

Bingo!

The wall suddenly backed away when you push at the certain spot. It reveals to a long hallway that you never know exist under this house. You walked into it and searching the source of the sound.

"Y/n?"

You stucked to your place when you saw your boyfriend just came out from a room with blood on his clothes and skin. He became panic when you finally know this side of him.

"...Riki...what is happening?"

You slowly backed away when he started to get closer to you but Riki was faster and caught you first. This is the first time you how scared is he. He hold you tightly to make sure you can't run from him.

"Please- please don't hate me. I - He was disturbing you, right? You told me about the guy so I killed him. I don't want to see you suffering anymore. Please, I love you so much. Don't leave me, y/n."

You don't know if you are crazy or not because you should feel scared of him right now. You should run and call the police but instead of feeling like that, you felt proud and somehow happy with what he had done.

"You...killed him for me?"

"Yes. I killed him for you. I love you so much."

You pecked his lips and hugged him close to you. Your boyfriend was confused with the sudden act. He pulled away to look at your face again.

"You are not mad? I- I did something wrong."

"You did it for me. I am proud of you. I love you too much to hate you, Riki."

"Fuck, I thought I need to do something to prevent you run from me."

Okay, maybe you are crazy. You giggled at his worried expression and brought him to upstairs so he can have a shower. You are also glad the house has two bathrooms which allow you to change yourself after hugging Riki.

"I really love you, y/n."

"Love you too, riki."

______

______

"You smell so good."

The sudden compliment startled you from reading. You looked up to see a classmate of yours that always flirting with you. You already rejected him many times and even say you have boyfriend already. But, this jerk didn't care about it and even asked you to cheat on Riki.

"Stop disturbing me. You are disgusting."

"Oh, come on honey. I bet I can make you scream louder at my bed."

That was the last straw. You throw your book on his face. It did some damage since the book is heavy and thick. You put every stuffs inside your bag before went out from the class.

______

______

"Stupid. Bastard. Disgusting. Fucker. You should die and you don't deserve to live."

"I'm- I sorry-"

"Shut the fuck up. My girlfriend already warned you, right? But you are too stupid to understand. I wonder where is your braveness now? You looked like you about to piss yourself."

And it is true. As Riki said that, the guy accidentally pissed. He cried when Riki laughed and pointed out at his pants. Your boyfriend gave a bat to you so you can finish the person.

"You should stop when a girl say no."

That was the last thing before you swung the bat and hit him very hard until he fell from the chair. Not only that, you also kicked and step on his head releasing the anger that has building inside you everytime he disturbs you in the school.

"You did such a good job, baby."

"I'm tired. How can you do this every week?"

Riki laughed while caressing your face. Both of you walked away from the room and changed clothes. He also cooked for both of you.

"You didn't clean the room?"

"Nah, no need. I already paid someone to do it."

"Damn, you are rich. I like it."

"And I love you."

"Ergh, Riki. Stop flustering me. I want to eat."

It was a lovely dinner and since that day Riki doesn't need to hide anything from you.

--

taglist: @stacey-stonem @duolingofanaccount

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi Cas ! how are you ?

I'm struggling in the romance department right now lmao so I thought you might have some advice :(

Basically there is this girl I really REALLY like. We met through a friend three years ago, but in person only a year ago. Seeing her in person literally changed me I never liked someone this much like I was BEWITCHED or something. We only spent two days together and we only had one kiss, but I never managed to get her out of my head.

I never saw her again because she left to study abroad for a year. Now she's back in my country but we live a bit far away so I haven't seen her. When she was abroad we kept talking and flirting etc. But at one point she told me she had met somebody and that she wanted to try with him. It ended up not working and she reached out to me after some time, so we began talking (and flirting) again.

The thing is, for a few weeks now I feel like she isn't exactly flirting with me anymore. Except she kinda is. She is a writer and she has a writing instagram account where she posted poems that are clearly romantic but also clearly not about me. At least I really don't think so. It feels like a knife in the heart everytime. To be noted that usually if not always she does write about personal things that are really happening. So I'm pretty sure there is someone else in her mind. Which is fine because we didn't promise each other anything. But she is still replying to my stories etc and saying things that could pass as friendly but only if we didn't have history you know ? Like she's making lesbian jokes (i'm also a girl).

So the mixed signals are killing me. I also don't understand bc she said something about the guy before, but she didn't say anything this time. I feel like maybe she .... keeps her options open. (which is fine btw, I'm just unsure if she's still into me or not) I can't exactly ask her because we don't talk a lot (I'm so bad at keeping in touch if I have nothing specific to say yk?) and I don't want to come off as intrusive.

I would really like to see her in person so maybe we could talk and/or I could understand better where her heart is at. But being so unsure I don't want to propose a date or something bc I feel like it would be really out of the blue right now, and one of us would have to take the train and sleep at the other's place, so it feels like a lot and something she could refuse easily so I really don't feel comfortable doing that. I want it to be clear that I'm still into her bc I don't know if she is aware of it (it's obvious imo but I know she has confidence issues and at one point she thought I didn't care) but I also don't want to come off too strong and scare her away, and/or get rejected (not sure my heart could take it right now😭)

So I'm thinking maybe an outing with friends (we have several in common now) but again it is complicated bc everyone lives far away. Also she doesn't talk to one of them anymore, and that friend coul take it very badly if she's not invited so that would be a whole other mess (but honestly that friend is annoying and quite toxic and has a lot of issues so... I'm trying not to think too much of that)

Anyway I'm really lost, I really don't to give up on her, like it hurts a lot to think about, but also I feel like maybe she isn't as invested as I am. I would 100% take a train to the other side of the country to see her but I fear she isn't even thinking about that. Maybe I'm paranoid though. Also I think it's not so bad if someone isn't completely in it from the beginning, like some people are more guarded and careful than me and it's okay.

I don't know if you'll be able to help me, but I'd really like to hear your opinion on this. Thanks a lot <3

Hi!!! <3

What you said at the end is exactly what I was thinking though- maybe she's just guarded or nervous? I think you should try to give little hints or like...idk suggest meeting somewhere maybe? See how she reacts? Maybe she's just as nervous, if not more nervous than you. If she's iffy about it, it'll make it clear to you that she just wants to be friends. But if she jumps at the chance, then that's your sign. And even if you can't meet in person, maybe try being a bit more forward? I know it's scary but like...you have to know! You don't have to all-out ask her out, just be a bit more flirty and see if she reciprocates. You said you've kissed in the past so in my opinion, that means there's hope, you know?

Good luck! Naming you train anon.

[gagmewitha-spork]

Injury (Lucy Bronze x reader)

Warnings: none

Description: reader is recovering from an injury and is staying with Lucy in Lyon after having surgery. Fluffy domestic cuteness. I wrote this years ago when Lucy was still at Lyon, was originally posted on wattpad but I’ve decided to transfer everything over to here and start writing again, so sent requests :)

I haven’t rechecked/proof read so any mistakes or terrible writing can be blamed fully on younger me.

Word count: 967

"Are you coming to watch the game tonight?", Lucy asked me as she moved around the kitchen making breakfast for the two of us, as I was currently incapable. I had been injured in a game a while ago and had recently had surgery on my left ankle, leaving me feeling sorry for myself, and my girlfriend stuck doing everything for me.

"Of course", I confirmed from where I was sat on the couch, looking back over my shoulder at her, "wouldn't miss it", I smiled.

"How are you gonna get there?", she inquired.

"Uh, walk?".

"You're gonna walk all the way?", She raises her eyebrow at me.

"How else would I get there, I can't drive", I shrugged.

"You can't walk to the toilet without me helping you", she folded her arms over her chest, "you can come with me, I'll get you a seat pitch side so I can hear you cheering me on", she came over to where I was sat, leaning on the back of the couch and stroking the top of my head, causing me to tilt it back to look up at her.

"How'd you know I'll be cheering you on, you're playing PSG, which is my team, might I remind you", I smiled up at her.

"Because if you don't, I won't make you food anymore", she smirked, knowing I don't currently have the agility to stand and make food at the same time, not that I can cook normally anyway.

"Noooo, you know I won't survive without the proper nutrition", I begged, bringing my hands up to grab her face, while doing my best lost puppy impression up at her.

"With your cooking, I'm surprised you survive without me as it is", she laughed, my puppy face clearly having no effect.

"Exactly", I used it to make my point stronger. I tried the lost puppy face again. She leant down, placing a peck on my lips, before standing up to head back to the kitchen. Before she could I reached up to pull her back down, into another kiss, this one a little longer.

"As much as I hate not being able to walk, let alone play, I love being able to be here with you all the time", I said once we pulled away.

"Good, 'cause I love having you here", she kissed me again, then went to pull away but I made sure she couldn't by placing my right hand on the back of her neck. Eventually she was able to pull away, "you need to stop", she told me.

"Why?", I smirked up at her.

"I'm trying to cook", she said, quickly walking back to the kitchen so I couldn't grab her and stop her from leaving again.

"Well that's boring", I stated, turning around more to look over the back of the couch so I could see her better.

"So you're coming with me, yes?", She changed the subject back to our previous conversation.

"Yes", I confirmed, "I'll be your biggest loudest, most British fan", I said.

"Ah, so you are going to cheer for me?"

"Of course, as much as I love PSG, I love you more, I'll even wear your jersey"

"Wow, that's real commitment, be careful you might scare me off", she said, laughing a bit.

"If you weren't scared off after our second date I don't think anything could scare you off", I stated, remembering the shambles that was our second date.

We had just got back to Manchester after playing with the England national team, which is where we had met, and I had asked her out on a second date, we'd had our first while away in the US playing in the SheBelieves cup. I had planned to take her to the indoor ski centre near the Trafford centre, which I knew she'd enjoy, then out for a meal at one of the restaurants near by.

It was all going well until we were at the restaurant. Apparently I'm allergic to shell fish, and who knew calamari counted as shell fish? Long story short, she ended up having to take me to hospital, because I was finding it increasingly hard to breath. But she stuck around, even after she'd seen me with a swollen face and purple lips. Which meant that she must really like me.

After that we stuck to non seafood related restaurants. But it's pretty funny to look back on now I know I'm not dying. At the time I was convinced I wasn't going to make it. I've always been a lover of overreacting.

"Yeah well, I saved your life, you're probably only in love with me because of some hero complex or something", Lucy laughed, as she continued cooking.

"Well I might not be anymore", I said, sulking a little, "you won't make out with me".

"You want your food or not?", she asked, "and if you wait until after the game, you can help me celebrate me beating your team like they're that spider you killed earlier", she said seductively, though the reference to the spider I had smooshed into the carpet with my slider earlier in the day made it a little less appealing.

"I would, but I'll be too busy comforting you after you loose", I shrugged.

"Uh huh, we'll see about that", Lucy said as she made her way back over to where I was sat, leaning down and placing a kiss on my lips. Just as I was about to deepen it, thinking she'd finally given in, she pulled away, and placed a plate of food I hadn't seen her bring over into my lap, "eat up my love, you'll need as much energy as possible if you plan on walking to the stadium".

"Ha ha", I replied sarcastically.

[harryfeatgaga]

I'm thinking about getting into a fight with harry and it just goes a little too far to the point where he raises his voice 😔 right away you shut down and he knows immediately he fucked up so he's stepping back and saying "I'm so sorry I don't-" and your voice is quiet when you say "you need to leave" and his face scrunches up but he doesn't argue bc he knows he needs to respect your decision so he's leaving and he goes home 😔 a few hours later he can't take it anymore and he's hoping you've calmed down a little bit so he goes to get your favorite coffee and takeout and then he's back at your place 😔 you open the door but your face falls when you see him and that breaks his heart so hard 😔 his eyes are already watering and he says "can i come in?" and you just nod and let him in but you won't meet his eyes 😔 he sets everything down in the kitchen and he's just trying to think of how to start the conversation but you come up behind him and say with a shaky voice "you need to apologize" so he turns around and he's already nodding saying "I know, i know I do, i fucked up so bad and i never meant to hurt you like that" and your arms are crossed but he can tell you're close to tears and when you say "i don't like it when you yell at me" your voice breaks and he can tell you're crying 😔 he's about to cry too so he steps closer and says "can i hug you please? i just want to feel close, i want to fix it i- i don't know what I can do" but you nod and right away he has his arms around you 😔 one hand is cradling your head and the other is around your back and he kisses your hair saying "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, i never should have yelled, I'm sorry if I scared you or made you think I don't love you because I do, i love you more than anything and I never want to hurt you" and you can hear he's crying too 😔 you just snuggle into his chest and soak in how warm he is and how good he smells 😔 you say "I'm sorry too, i hate fighting with you" and he just holds you closer 😔 when you finally pull back he reaches up to thumb the tears off your face and you do the same for him and soon you can't help but smile at each other 😔 then he's leading you over to the couch so you can both eat and he keeps you cuddled close to him all night 😔

NOOOOOOOOOOOO PLEASEEEEEE 😔😔😔

[matrixxsystem]

Terrapin Soup Part 10

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuckshitfuck- "Leo! What happened to your arms?!" No no no nononono- "I-I.. I uhm..." Raph didn't even give a second glance to the floor pizza as he stepped over the boxes and reached out to Leo, who instinctively took a step back to avoid his touch. Raphael's expression only looked more worried when he wasn't able to reach him. Usagi glanced between the two and decided not to try and interfere and make things worse on either of them, "Raph this isn't the time c-can we just talk about this later.."  "Later?? Leo you're seriously hurt! Is this why you've been wearing those compression sleeves? I- I thought we weren't keeping secrets anymore- How long have you had these? Who did this to you?"

No more secrets? Now that set him off after just learning Donnie had more then enough secrets to last a few life times that was being held from him. "No more secrets?? Oh spare me the bullshit, I know you know damn well what Donnie's been doing without telling me! You never told me, none of you told me! And I know you also knew about the trackers Donnie put on us all cause of-fucking-course you wouldn't trust me to go out on my own if there wasn't some mystic way to know exactly where I was so you can drag me back! I can't believe I was stupid enough to think any of you actually trusted me! You never did, did you? To think you ever had any faith in me.. So yeah, I've been keeping things from you. But y'know what? This is my personal biz, you don't have the right to that, none of you do. None of you have the right to my private thoughts and conversations without my permission!! You can't just spy on me for fucking years and act like that's normal!" "Leo language, please.. I-I know you're upset but you.. You gotta understand why dad asked Dee to make them in the first place-" "Dad's in on it too?? God is everyone but me in the loop? Some fucking brothers you are-!" "It was so long ago when he made them we were all just kids- Besides you're never here anymore Leo! When would we have the time to fill you in on something that doesn't even matter that much-" "It matters to me!!" Leo was raising his voice to the point even Usagi was getting a little worried.. He didn't know how to help, clearly Leo's privacy was something he held above all else, and with good reason. He knew deep down Leo was just scared. Scared that if his brothers stumbled on any information about his habits that they'd shun him if not something worse. "Don't you fucking get it?? I've been hiding this for years, because I knew you'd never understand. None of you would! And I was right because you turn around and do this shit! I can't believe you guys would spy on me and violate my privacy and trust like that-" "Years..? Leo... W-What do you mean years?" Leo walked up to Raph, taking the few steps closer with a much colder expression then anyone in the room had even seen on him before. He held his arms up putting them in his brothers face, his arms were covered in marks, scar tissue over shredded skin making dents and bumps from his wrists to his shoulders. There was no clear pattern but from the depth of the old versus the newer it was clear they'd been getting deeper. "Get a good look brother. It's been one year, eight months, and twelve days since the last time I hurt myself. So no, you don't understand. I've been hiding it because I knew you'd throw yourself a pity party and find some way to blame yourself for it, so I just.. Didn't tell you. There was no way I could explain this to you, to any of you.. I told you no one is who they say they are. We all have shit, so you can stop pretending to have some moral high ground over me like I'm some stupid child who doesn't know left from right and who'd never hurt a fly. That kid you see me as is long gone." Raph looked over all the marks, unable to properly analyze anything with his mind racing, when did this start then? How long had it been going on exactly? Why hadn't he noticed sooner.. He couldn't helped- When did Leo say that? Why was he so upset, didn't he know about Donnie's trackers? It was one of his greatest inventions that stopped them from getting sick by alerting them of the early signs.. Why was Leo mad at that..? That new wound.. What were those stiches from? Did he get hurt fighting tonight.. Did Usagi patch him up? That was nice of him- Since when did he know how to do that? What happened to Leo.. He was never like this before. 

"Leo I.. ...I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt like this. I-I'd never hurt you on purpose, or do anything that I knew could hurt you.. You know that right? Raph would never keep things from you if it wasn't important or if he didn't know you didn't know.. I-I'm glad you told me about some of it now though, and.. Well... You're right about me not understanding, I might if you talked to me more- But I haven't told you everything about me either s-so I don't expect everything to come out at once. But we're brothers, you know that no matter what it won't change that. Whatever you're going through.. Or were going though? I wanna help, I don't know what I can do but I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me.. And I don't wanna feel like I can't talk to you." "...What if I killed someone..?" Raph froze, taken aback by the sudden question, one he never really thought he'd hear Leo of all people ask, especially in this sort of conversation. "I- Leo I'm tynna be serious-" "Answer the question. If I killed someone I thought deserved it, what would you do? Would you still say you love me? Would you honestly be able to look at me the same?" "..Well- Of course! Leo people do lots of messed up things because of good intentions. And sometimes the answers aren't always clear, the paths we take aren't always steady. But everything we do shapes who we are, and if we go down different paths, I might be worried for you.. Or try to get you to go another way since I don't think killing is right ever but.. But that's not for me to decide in the end. You do what you think is right, and when you need us we'll be there. I mean there's a few things that I wouldn't be able to forgive, but we love you Leo, every part of you. Even if you went a little too far, I know you aren't a bad person.. That weird feeling Raph gets around people he doesn't trust yet, I never once felt that towards you."

Well that was surprisingly heartfelt..

Leo took a step back, glancing to Usagi was a more apologetic look, mentally cursing himself for loosing his cool in front of him like that. Leo grabbed the tracker off the trey stuffing it into the pouch on his hip and gently grabbed Usagi's hand with his other. "As nice as that would be, I can't say I believe you. But I'm glad we talked... I'll.. Seriously stop hiding so much if you all do the same. But if any of you fuck with me again like this, you will never see me again. And that's a promise. Just talk to me next time, if he asked to chip me I would have said yes." Leo walked passed Raph into the doorway leading Usagi with him. "We'll be in my room, you can text me if its important but other then that no one else is allowed to bother us. I.. I need a minute." He said before heading out, leaving Raph alone with his sad pile of floor pizza and the unconscious cannibal...

-_-_-_-

One Leo and Usagi we're back in his room he plopped himself down on the bed letting his head fall into with hands with a low grumble. Usagi stood there for a moment before sitting beside him, gently rubbing the back of his shell with a hand, "Are you alright Leo..?" "Mmn... I'm sorry you had to see that. I feel bad for snapping at him.." "Ironic isn't it." Leo perked up, unsure what irony there was to any of this. "I thought Raphael was the snapping turtle." Leo deadpanned looking up at Usagi, that was the best worst joke he's ever heard.. Usagi was fucking perfect- He let out a little snort leaning into him, "Booo, that was a six out of ten, at best." Usagi rolled his eyes pulling Leo closer, "Can't be worse then your paper jokes-" Leo gasped dramatically pulling back, "Excuse you! My jokes are hilarious!" He gently pushed Usagi back a bit, watching in amusement as he let himself fall back, pulling Leo down with him so they were laying together, "Hilariously bad maybe~" "My paper jokes aren't just bad, they're.. Tear-able" Usagi snorted pushing Leo's face away gently, "Booooo! Now that was a three out of ten- How dare you try to bring those jokes back."

"Wat can I say, I love recycling~" Leo chuckled a bit, so thankful Usagi was able to lighten the mood so easily.. He didn't deserve such an amazing boyfriend.. Usagi laid there for a moment, letting them calm back down before turning onto his side, pulling Leo back in. "Are you alright.. Really alright?" Leo nodded, leaning into his hands, "Yeah.. I think so. Much better now actually. I should really think of what I'm gonna say to Dee later.." "You can cross that bridge when you get there. Let's relax for a bit first, why don't you script it with me. Pretend I'm him, what would you say..?" "..Sagi c'mon.." "I'm serious love" He took a deep breath and changed to a more stern expression, and started speaking with a funny voice. Clearly a bad impression of how Donatello sounded. "Why are you mad I did dope science hm? I've only been tracking everything down to your last BM" Leo fake gagged and shook his head in disapprovement. He sighed and took a breath seeing that Usagi wasn't going to stop till he did. "Fine.. Dee. I'm not mad that you made the tech, or for using it correctly. In fact I know how useful it could be, and I'm sure it's com in handy many times. But even you should understand how it can be bad when its the person chipped is unaware? How it violates their privacy how it could be misused? I'm more upset that you didn't tell me, and even actively kept it from me.. Even though you never shut up about your tech- But it's more then just being rude and inconsiderate it's... It's like if you were chipped as a child, unaware until years later, and suddenly felt like the people you were supposed to be close to were actually spying on you behind your back.. Saying who knows what, watching you in your most vulnerable moments, listening in on private conversations that you'd never want another soul to hear because of its importance.  Like.. Like everyone was in on some joke that you could never grasp because no one would explain it to you. That shit hurts, and I know you know how that feels.. So I just don't know why someone as smart as you didn't think about how I might feel about it.."

Usagi was quiet for a few moments, trying to think of what to say back. He couldn't just brush that off but he sadly wasn't able to give anything close to what Donnie might say cause he didn't know. Usagi instead nodded a little, resting forehead against Leo's, "That's a very good way of wording it. I think he will be understanding.." Leo smiled a little, "Of course, if he's not we could always eat em-" Leo snorted pushing Usagi back again trying not to laugh, "I can't believe you just said that, my own boyfriend, going after my brother- I call treason!" "I'm joking I'm joking. Besides, he's so lanky, no meat on him at all, he wouldn't be my first pick." "No? Who would it be then? Wait- No, lemme guess. Raph? He's huge! He could feed a village, they'd survive winter off him alone haha" "Actually I would probably pick the orange one. Michelangelo right? He's always eating sweets and very soft. He might not give the most but he'd taste the best.. Well.. Aside from you of course~ But that's a different scenario." Leo rolled his eyes Pulling Usagi back into his arms, "I'm gonna ignore that, but speaking of food.. Do you think any of those pizza survived..?"  "I'm not sure, no one seemed to concerned with them in the moment.. Would you like to get something else instead? It's always better to do talking and stressful things after you've had a good meal." Leo nodded a little, wondering what they could get around here.. He perked up after a moment, "There is a place I haven't been to in a while actually, there's this little shop in China Town topside that has this really good soup-" "..Soup? Oh! You mean the place you used to frequent before we started hanging out right? I was a bit curious if it was really good enough that you'd go back so often." Leo sat up and stretched his arms, "It's not yokai but it's pretty damn good. We do have to wear a disguise though.."  "Not to worry, I have a cloaking pin. We can let you borrow Hyo's for the night if that'd make things easier, just don't tell him I let you wear it." Leo watched as Usagi sat up with him and reached into his pocket pulling out two metallic looking pins, both shaped the same, gold squares with some sort of curved engraving with a line through it. "Oh wow, I've never worn one before, April's girlfriend has one that was her grandmothers or something." He took the other one handed to him and watched as Usagi put his on as he got off the bed. Leo did the same fastening the pin as he stood up. "So uh.. How do I look?"

Usagi stood there with his mouth hanging open as he looked over his boyfriend, his warm umber toned skin with discolored patches where his markings had been.. The one brown eye and one blue to match his signature color..  And he had hair now too so that was new, dark shoulder length locs with a few in the front bleached blonde that framed his face nicely.. Fuck he was pretty...

"Y-You look.. Uh" He cleared his throat and smiled a bit grabbing one of the hanging masks in his room, "You look handsome, may I do something?" He asked, gesturing to the mask. Leo nodded and stepped closer, letting Usagi's hands cup his face, it felt a bit odd since he was used to his hands having fur on them, but it was still nice. He looked of Usagi now that he had the change, he looked albino.. He leaned in a little closer to get a better look, even his eyelashes were white.. And his eyes were a reddish, pinkish color. Fuck he was cute.. "You look good too, it's a little weird to see you with ears on the side of your head though haha.."  "I could say the same to you." "Touché. Oh- Hey where'd that scar come from..? Right here-" He lifted his hand gently running a finger over the discolored mark running from his jawline up to the side of his nose. "It looks pretty old.." Usagi nodded, "It is, I was pretty young when it happened, I thought I was ready to go on missions, I was impulsive and undisciplined. Instead of Hyo coming to my rescue I had to find my own way out, it was an important lesson about why he didn't want me to go yet. He was right to say I wasn't ready. I'd never questioned his calls since." Leo nodded a little and moved his hand back down still resting against his cheek. "Hm.. It's kinda weird I've never seen it before, considering how often I'm this close to your face. Do you have any other scars? I'm kinda curious now.." Usagi blushed a bit, another thing he'd rarely seen from him since his fur covered it. "I might, but they aren't in places that are easy to show right now. Maybe after we eat, when we get into our pajamas it'll be easier." "O-Oh.. You don't have to, I wont pry if it's somewhere embarrassing! I was just wondering, but yeah, we should go eat." He reached over grabbing one of his swords, "We can portal there but since we have these pins do you care if we walk home? I never really got to see the town from the ground.." Usagi chuckled and took Leo's free hand, "I don't mind at all, I'd love to see the city with you~" Leo took the tracker from his pouch and set it on his bed, hidden under the pillow before opening the portal, leaving his swords as he and Usagi walked through, leaving without a word to the others and headed back to Chinatown. They stepped through ending up in the ally Leo used to go through the most often, he knew the way by heart at this point and led Usagi through the small crowds of people towards the dimly lit stall. Still unoccupied by any other customers, which he found strange, but he never questioned it before so why start now. Once he sat down he was greeted by the familiar face of the shops owner and only cook. "What'll it be boys?" He asked with his usual cheery smile. Leo took the menu pointing to his choice and holding up two fingers, which took him a moment to do since he wasn't used to having five fingers. "Oh! It's you isn't it? The guy who used to come here every month or so right? It's good to see you kid, you look good! Not that I saw much of you before haha! Is this a friend of yours? Bringin me some extra business yea? Well I 'ppreciate it, I'll get those bowls for ya in a second. I'm almost done making a fresh batch, you get to try the new recipe, I added a few things, lemme know what you think alright?" Leo nodded and looked back to Usagi, still unable to really believe his boyfriend could be that cute as a human.. Gay panic wasn't even close to describing the wave of flustered anxiety he felt when he met Usagi's eyes... He was down bad for him, no doubt about it..

Part 11 Part 1

TS Master Post

[calamitycontrolled]

The Story So Far...

hey there,

I want to write down everything that's contributed to my journey so far in the interest of memory and sharing. So here's my story from the start until now!

I was assigned male at birth, and currently identify as non-binary. I am 22 years old and have been questioning my gender for a long time. Thoughts about gender have been becoming more frequent and painful in the past 2-3 years.

(TW: Sexuality) This post will describe my very personal feelings and detail some parts of my journey that may be uncomfortable to read. I will discuss sexuality, masturbation, and dysphoria.

My earliest memory regarding gender dysphoria or feeling like something wasn't quite right was when I was very young, maybe 5-6? I remember feeling excitement or euphoria when I put on one of my sister's princess dresses. I tried a few on and felt amazing. I didn't understand it at the time, but I guess that was euphoria. It felt almost like I was aroused. That's a can of worms for the TERF/ autogynephilia crowd, but understand that there's no way I was sexually aroused at the age of five from wearing feminine clothing. I would try on my mom's and sister's heels and take their clothing also. I forgot about that stuff for the most part, but still felt like something was off. For as long as I can remember, I've been disinterested in traditional masculine activities and gender norms. I have always hated playing/watching sports, fishing, and stuff like that. I thought I was just a stick in the mud or anti-social, but I never really wanted to do any of those things. When I was younger, I showed a bit of interest in basketball and baseball but that was extremely short lived. I spent most of my time playing video games, playing star wars, and skating. One could argue that these are masculine activities, though. I really hate anything to do with physical strength and competition. I've always been sorta delicate I guess.

Although I desired to crossdress since an early age, I suppressed those feelings to the point where I didn't act on them anymore, but I still felt them. When I turned 12-13 and reached middle school, things took a big turn. I feel like I've been depressed ever since I hit puberty and I can't explain why. Self-esteem and insecurity issues hit me like a truck. I don't feel like a man, but what else is there? I didn't know I had a choice. I desired to be friends with girls. More so I desired to be one of the girls- but I didn't really understand it at the time. I've always been attracted to women, but I don't know if I want them or want to be them. Probably both. I am pansexual, and have always felt strange around the other boys. I never felt like I fit in with the majority of the masculine crowd. I went to a Catholic elementary and middle school, and my two best friends in middle school both turned out to be gay. I wonder if people perceived me as gay sometimes because I recently found a note in my yearbook from a friend calling me his first love? I've always fantasized about being with girls and boys, but didn't figure that out until high school. At that time, I remember desiring to be more feminine, but being extremely scared. It wasn't a choice I could make. I felt so ashamed and out of place. My confusion only made me more depressed and angry at myself. Why would I even think that I was trans? I guess deep down I always sorta knew, but again I suppressed that part of me out of guilt, sadness, and shame. I felt like I would be disappointing my family and causing problems. I still feel like that honestly. Internalized transphobia is real. It's just rage towards my identity that manifests and destroys my confidence and self esteem. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be an ugly woman, which is often the only thing holding me back.

I've largely only dated lesbian or bisexual women. A few of them have turned out to be lesbians exclusively after we dated. Almost all of my partners have identified as part of the LGBT community. That's just one thing I find interesting.

I've been buying my own feminine clothes since I was 17, and recently have been buying a lot more. I love to wear skirts, crop tops, and high socks. Now I feel so dysphoric when I'm wearing men's clothing. I am in such a battle with my body right now. I am constantly fighting body hair, my penis, and my broad shoulders. I absolutely hate to see that I have male genitals in my pants, especially when other people can see it. I really only want to buy women's clothing now. My egg cracked on Christmas Eve 2021, when I was drunk texting my then-girlfriend and told her that I think I'm trans. I lurked on r/egg_irl for a while, and did a lot of research on being trans. I remember lying on the couch after everyone had gone to sleep crying. Again, I suppressed it. I keep trying to "go straight" and embrace masculinity, but I fail every time. I cannot for the life of me be the traditional man.

So, if you expect me to boymode because that's my AGAB then fuck you! I realized that I'm living MY LIFE, and other people need to mind their business or support me. Everything else doesn't matter. They're not me, and I'm not them. At the end of the day I have to live with myself, and I'm going to make sure I love who I am.

Let's talk about my friends and family. I am out to my friends and have made steps in dropping people who are homophobic, transphobic, or otherwise won't accept me for who I am. My friends are a tremendous source of love and support, and I am so grateful for them. My family, on the other hand, is a different story. I've only talked to my mom about gender dysphoria, and while she's supportive, she is definitely confused and almost taken aback by it. She says that I didn't show any signs in childhood, and that crossdressing is something all little kids do. I think she expected me to be gay. She told me she expected one of her kids to be gay because my Uncle is gay, but not one being transgender. She keeps asking me if I like boys. I want to tell my sister but she seems disinterested in the fact that we're even related. I just want the support of my family. I'm tired of being doubted, because I do enough of that to myself. My mom is willing to accept me as a woman, but she said it will take some time. She wants to mourn her son. I want to tell her that she has two daughters now, but it's too early for all that. I even have my new name picked out, but I'm scared to take that next step. It's Siobhan by the way (Shi-vawn). I wanted to choose another Irish name that starts with S.

Sexual Dysphoria: It feels odd to share this information but I think it's important to acknowledge. Ever since puberty, I've primarily tried to penetrate myself and feel pleasure that way. I don't know why I did it, it felt instinctual. But I've never really had romantic feelings for men (not until recently), so I can't be gay, right? I was, and still am, so confused. When I first had sex, I really didn't enjoy it. This feeling that something was wrong persisted, but I didn't know why. I love women, but why can't I enjoy the sex we have? I dread having to be the "man" or top. So I started thinking I was gay. When I had sex with men, I didn't really feel attracted to them, but enjoyed being the bottom much more. It felt better. But I can't see myself dating or being intimate with most men. So I would leave those encounters feeling like shit, confused, and degraded. Now I am in a great relationship with a beautiful woman and she understands how I'm feeling. Sex is an important part of a relationship, but I feel like I can't uphold my end. My libido has been destroyed from anti-depressants in addition to the distress that I feel when "on top." Sex is still pleasurable, but I can't reach an orgasm and sometimes have to almost dissociate to cope with the fact that I have a penis. When I wear feminine clothing, research transitioning, do my makeup, or shop for feminine things, I get the same arousal feeling that I described when I crossdressed for the first time. It's not sexual, but I feel excited. My research shows that this is normal and it will calm down once this part of me is no longer repressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a pervert that gets a thrill from dressing as a woman.

I desire to start HRT and begin my social transition, but there's a lack of doctors/endocrinologists in my area and I'm waiting to keep talking with my mom about it. She seems worried that I'm going to transition. I know that there's never going to be a more convenient or better time, so part of me wants to say fuck it and just do it. It's obvious to me that these feelings aren't going away, I'm not getting any younger, and every step I take I love. If you are reading this, I hope you can understand me a bit better now.

Lots of love,

Siobhan.