#but (i think) my work schedule is finally going to chill out starting next week

[mutalune]

really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state

[panharmonium]

“phew...i managed to keep them happy.”

[nadvs]

I love love love this new au🥹 coming from a severely stressed Uni student could you write how rafe would take care of her when she’s studying too much barely eating or drinking and just really anxious for exams and stressed out.

aaa thank you angel 🥺 yes of course!! i hope you feel better soon!!

based on this fic

“…practice until five,” she hears.

“sorry, what?” she mumbles to rafe, her stare focused ahead.

her boyfriend gazes at her profile as they sit in his bedroom, watching a show on his flatscreen.

“my schedule next week,” he says. “you asked about it.”

“right,” she says. she meets his concerned blue eyes. “sorry. i was out of it again.”

she can feel herself retreating from reality all the time. finals are only a month away and she keeps catching herself zoning out out of lectures and conversations, spiralling into nerve-racking hypotheticals.

“did you eat today?” he asks.

“um… i think so?” she says.

“you’d remember if you did.”

rafe grabs his phone out from beneath the covers to order takeout. she looks at his screen, his wallpaper the photo of herself in his jersey that she’s seen so many times, and realizes it’s minutes away from eight p.m.

“fuck, it’s eight?” she says, scrambling out of bed. “i was supposed to go home to study like an hour ago.”

she grabs her things, staring at him with wide eyes, confused why he isn’t rushing to leave.

“you can drive me, right?” she asks.

“chill for a second,” he sighs. “what if you skipped it tonight? sleep here.”

“i can’t. i can barely sleep in my own bed,” she says. “i can barely sleep at all. if it’s a hassle to drive me, i can order a-”

“no.” rafe stands, relenting. he knows she’ll just argue if he pushes. “let’s go.”

“are you mad?” she asks.

“no,” he says.

“we don’t bullshit-”

“bullshit each other, i know,” he finishes her sentence. “i’m not mad.”

she trails him out of the room. even though he said he’s not mad, he’s acting like it.

rafe’s hands are tight on the steering wheel as he drives to her college campus through dark, busy streets. his girl’s been in her own world lately. every day, it gets worse.

he knows fighting will just stress her out more. he tries to encourage her to take breaks, but it seems to just make her spiral more.

he gets it. his mind gets tangled up, too. pressure can be a bitch. so, he bites his tongue for her sake. she’s the only person he cares enough to reign in his temper for.

“you’re really not mad?” she asks softly.

“i’m worried,” he admits.

she’s silent, staring out the window.

“it’s just finals,” she says. “i’ll be okay.”

rafe’s not entirely convinced. but he gives her the space she needs and drops her off.

about half an hour later, she gets a text from him that there’s takeout waiting for her downstairs. she can’t manage to eat everything because he sent enough food to feed a whole group of people.

then, he texts her close to midnight to see if she went to bed yet.

she replies: can’t fall asleep.

he texts: i’ll be there soon.

when rafe arrives, he calls her to come downstairs. she tries to climb in the passenger seat, but he tells her to go the back. when she opens the door, she sees that he laid out blankets and a pillow across the backseat.

“what is this?” she asks.

“you said you can’t sleep in your bed. or mine,” he says. “what if i drove around? could you sleep then?”

“are you serious?” she says.

“i’ll park in front of my place when you fall asleep. i’ll stay in the car. just get comfortable, alright?”

she settles in the back, leaning across the seat, following his instructions to still buckle herself in.

“thank you,” she says as he starts to drive. her eyelids are already getting heavy, the steady motion of the car genuinely helping. “sorry i’ve been so stressed out.”

“just sleep, baby,” he says.

“okay,” she whispers.

it works. she dozes off within minutes. he drives around for a while to make sure she’s deep asleep.

after he parks in his driveway, he sprawls out in his seat. this is uncomfortable. he’ll be sore tomorrow. and maybe the next day, which is a game day.

but as he listens to her deep breaths, he doesn’t doubt that she’s worth it. she hasn’t been taking care of herself lately. if he has to do it for her, he will. every time.

[jxckchxmpi0n]

can u do something where reader has a cat and ethan is meeting it for the first time!!

RAHHH!!! this is so fucking cute omg......

Cuddle Buddie

Ethan Landry x Reader || m.list

Warnings: it's just all fluff

word count: 1.1k

the urge to write this week is so high right now!!!! (tumblr fr fr giving me a hard time while writing this)

did not proof read (im so stressed this wont save again)

You haven't seen your boyfriend in about a week, with his classes and your scheduling time together seemed difficult. So, you both agreed that he would come over Saturday after he was done at work.

It was Tuesday and you were already done with classes, sitting in your shared apartment with Tara, Sam, and Mindy you sat on the couch mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. Your eyes landed on a post about someone giving away kittens, the post had said they would give the kitten the shots it needed and would give them away for fairly cheap.

One thing led to another, and you stood outside the ladies' house with Tara. "I can't believe I'm doing this." Tara shared the same excitement as you did, she stood next to you jumping up and down as the lady brought the kitten out.

it was a small gray cat asleep in her arms, and your heart melted the second you saw him. All curled up, what an angle. "He is just a babe" You reached in and held him yourself. "Ethan is going to flip when he sees him" Tara was right next to you softly petting the top of the cat's head.

-

A few days had passed, the kitten was getting used to the apartment and exploring the place. You and Tara both realized that he was in love with biting people's feet.

Ethan was supposed to come over today and meet the kitten. He actually had no idea still that you had gotten him.

He was eventually on his way; it was after his econ class so it was already late. you were getting some dinner ready for the two of you, Tara was out with Chad and Sam was out with Danny. you were excited that it was going to be just the two of you.

You had left the kitten in your room not wanting Ethan to walk in right away and see the little fur ball.

After thirty minutes the front door lock clicked, with the door opening right after. Ethan came walking in with a huge smile on his face. "hey, baby" he was towards you, his hand reaching your waist pulling you in for a sweet quick kiss.

"hey, how was econ?" you smile as you watch him set his keys, and backpack down. He comes back to you standing next to you as you stir the pasta sauce.

"It was pretty good, we got a pop quiz which I was not excited about but I feel like I passed it" you held up the spoon for him to taste it. He gladly took the spoon humming at the flavors.

"Wow, that's-" Right as he was about to speak a loud crash came from your room. Your heart picked up thinking what the kitten had gotten himself into. "What was that?"

"OH, ow you faked touching the pot which caused him to jump. He rushed to you to make sure you were okay, as you held your fake burnt hand, he took it from you to look at it. The sound from the room was long forgotten.

time had passed and you were both down with food, you were finally ready to show Ethan the kitten. "So actually, I have something I wanted to show you" you got up from the couch leaving him alone, running to your room you found the kitten sleeping in his tower.

"I honestly didn't fully expect this, but you know why not" Ethan was listen to your talk, his brain was running miles while trying to figure out what you were going to show him. Just as he had given up you came walking out with some weird lump in your arms.

As you got closer, he realized it was a kitten "Oh my god is that-" he sat up so fast, shifting his body so it was closer to you as you sat down. The kitten was awake, he was just chilling in your arms but once he was Ethan, he started to move so he could smell him.

He slowly but surely got out of your arms and into Ethan's lap, he looked at him for a moment before he started to mess with Ethan's hand as he was trying to pet him. "Yeah, I got him a few days ago, I went with Tara. I saw someone post about them and I just had to check it out."

Ethan was so lost in playing with the kitten he almost didn't hear you. "This is adorable, babe oh god I love him already" You smiled at the interaction between the two. "I just know for sure we are going to be fighting for your attention" Ethan looked at you smiling as the kitten kept biting his hand.

They played for the next thirty minutes, the kitten jumped around as Ethan threw his toys around, and moving to the floor the kitten would hide under the couch and bite Ethan's feet. Staying out of it your heart was so full seeing Ethan play with the kitten. You just knew it was a good idea to get him and you can't wait for the late nights like this to come in the future.

[saintslewis]

❝ 𝐂𝐎𝐙𝐘 ❞

𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 — 𝐋𝐇𝟒𝟒

˖ ࣪⭑ - pairing: lewis hamilton x fem!oc

˖ ࣪⭑ - summary: imagine you go for dinner at your neighbours house and you’re told you’re getting married? you better get cozy for this one!

˖ ࣪⭑ - warnings for this chapter: none

˖ ࣪⭑ - saint’s team radio: hey y’all…. i told you guys i don’t have a planned schedule for this series and i’m really starting to think i should 😭. i hope you guys enjoy this and lemme know if you wanna be tagged 🤭

masterlist

previous chapter • next chapter

"Renaissance yachtin' in capri!" Nadia sang as she entered the driveway of the Hamiltons only a week after the first dinner. Knowing her mother's dramatics, Thembi had once again requested her presence at the home except she had to drive straight to the Hamiltons house. Finding the situation weird but not giving it a second thought, she parked next to the all black G63, one of her many dream cars and one she hadn't seen the last time she was here. Thinking it was just a simple visit (and Thembi hadn't given her a chance to dress up after the phone call), Nadia fixed the Nike tee and adjusted the biker shorts she had worn throughout her chill Saturday morning.

Knocking on the wooden door felt weird, given that she was welcomed into the house before but she felt like something quite suspicious was going on but she couldn't even figure it out. Rubbing her eye whilst waiting for someone to answer the door, she wrote a few reminders on her phone to not forget to complete the work she had to take home from the previous day.

"Well aren't you a ray of sunshine?" Nadia had recognised the voice to be Nicola, adding a little laugh after her sentence. "I woke up late so this is valid." Nadia replied, giving a smile as she entered the house with Nicola making room for her to walk in. After the first dinner, the two women had kept in touch because of the growing friendship and Willow, who would send a voice message every day to say hi. But this time, Nadia couldn't hear the kids laughing or playing around the house.

Oh, this was serious.

"Is that Nadia, darling?" Linda's voice chimed through the entrance hallway leading to the living room. "Hello Mrs Hamilton." The young woman greeted, giving Linda a side eye as she held a glass of water in her hand. "Please Nadia, rather call me Linda. Do come through, my dear!"

"We're out by the patio, need the bathroom before we start?" Nicola asked, making Nadia way more confused the more footsteps she took. "Start with what?" She trailed off, seeing Nicola just smile and head into the direction of the patio with her following. This was officially starting to get weird but Nadia chose to push her thoughts aside for this lunch.

"Oh she's here! How was the drive, Nads?" Her mom spoke up as soon as Nadia's foot hit the wooden floor of the large patio. Different types of charcuterie boards were placed with juices and waters to accommodate everyone but the atmosphere seemed so different from the dinner last week, it rather felt like a meeting.

"Helloooo." Nadia dragged out the greeting as she eventually found an empty seat, once again, next to Lewis. The man was genuinely a sight to see as the sun shined on him as he sat comfortably on the patio bench chair. Wearing a black NY cap, a graphic tee once again with a pair of jeans this time and his jewellery on display, Lewis smiled up at her with a toothy grin.

After personally greeting everyone around the table and answering their fast questions, she plopped down onto the chair with a few of her bracelets clanging together. The familiar scents of each other from the last time they met fused together as they both studied each other once again.

Nadia's tattoos were finally on display, each dainty artwork fluttered around her skin with a few being inked in red. The most noticeable thing being her hair as she changed the colour to black and it reached past her back. The makeup was very simple and she only carried her phone and lipgloss in her hand as she placed the overly cracked device onto the table right next to Lewis'. When she smiled, he noticed a small gem on one of her front teeth and he definitely admired her style, not one he would regularly picture on a high school teacher.

"You know Nadia, we were just talking about how odd it would be to suddenly become famous within a matter of hours." Linda started, grabbing the large jug of grape juice to give the girl a glass. Helping the older woman, Nadia lifted herself off the chair and gave Lewis a look, non verbally asking if it was true and his eyebrows furrowed whilst pursing his lip upwards, making Nadia smile a little.

"Really? In what aspects?" She sat back down, lifting the glass to her gloss covered lips and only taking little sips. "Oh just how you'd maybe have to close off social media for a while and suddenly having people around you to help with everything." Linda said, taking her glass of water and eyeing Nadia's mom after her sentence. Tilting her head in confusion, she made sure to sit comfortably as this was definitely an interesting conversation.

"I never really thought about it like that actually. The way teams assemble within a matter of hours is something else but I always hear my students say that they're one hundred percent ready for fame." Nadia watched the two older women constantly look at each other with the older men being suspiciously quiet. "Oh and don't even get me started on the scandals you're put through." Nicola submerged from the house, holding a fresh pizza on a wooden board with an extra plate.

"Lewis, you'd know a thing or two about these things right?" Nicola smirked as she placed the plate on the opposite side of the table. Snapping her head towards Lewis, he sighed then nodded before straightening up his posture as it was before. Now Nadia was incredibly confused. Although she spent at least two hours in conversation with Lewis, she never really found out what exactly he does for a living even though he knew what she did as she went on a whole rant about her day with the teenagers. The way he had carried himself whilst speaking with everyone and just how he listened made it seem like he could be a businessman of some sort that clearly made his money and he made it well as he wore jewellery pieces that she could only dream of seeing.

A beat of silence passed and a knock on the door was heard. "Oh, that must be Gerald." Anthony got up in quite a hurry, with the table falling into conversation to detour the previous topic. After the man was welcomed onto the patio, he placed his small briefcase next to him on the chair with Nadia's suspicions growing more and more.

But what if he was really just there for lunch?

The word 'deactivate' kept being thrown around between Nicola, Thembi and Linda for several minutes, snapping Nadia and Lewis out of their conversation on her tattoos. "Nads, come here really quickly and bring your phone." Her mom ordered as the young girl walked to their side of the table. Standing over all three women, she held her phone in front of her mom's face. "How do you deactivate your Instagram? Nicola here made one for me but i don't want it anymore." Thembi asked, once again eyeing Linda.

Showing the directions on her own phone, Nadia then became distracted by her stepdad's question. "Nads, do you know when Rea's flight lands? Will you be okay to go?" He asked, slightly jumping at something. "Yes, I'll be fine. Her flight lands at like two in the morning so after here I'll just finish up some work then go to the airport early." Nadia responded, feeling her hand move a little as she spoke to James.

Thembi tapped her daughter's hand as Nadia focused back on her phone. Seeing her instagram page now logged out, she groaned at the thought of her completely forgetting her password to it. Plopping back into her seat defeated, Lewis eyed her then her phone that she placed on the table. "You good?" He asked, turning his body to look at her. "I think I  accidentally logged myself out of insta and i forgot where i wrote down the password." Nadia frowned a little as she clasped her hands together. Even though he didn't want to seem like he was smiling at her misery but the little pout she had on her face was adorable and obviously he wasn't going to admit that anytime soon.

"Okay, I cannot do this anymore." Anthony announced out as he sighed which caught everyone's attention. "Dad, what's going on?" Lewis asked worried, he had noticed his father was quiet most of the time but he brushed it off knowing that his father was usually like this.

"Son, listen. I know what I'm about to say will sound insane but I need you to listen very carefully. Along with you too, Nadia." Anthony stated. Linda then stood next to her husband in terror. "Wait, Anthony. Are you sure you want to do this right now?" She muttered.

And now the uneasy feeling came right back.

"Lewis, you know I care for you deeply however these past few weeks have been tough for you... and pr." His dad started off, earning a sigh from Lewis and a pinch on the bridge of his nose. Seeing Lewis stress like this was weird for Nadia and what exactly did his father mean by PR? Anyone could tell that he wanted to say something but chose to keep quiet.

Now sitting up properly, Nadia was intrigued with the entire situation and wondered how famous Lewis actually was.

"Linda and I, along with Nadia's parents and Nicola have decided that we wanted to help you to clean up your image a little more even though you are a private person. And for that, we've come up with the concept of a fake marriage between you and Nadia." Anthony concluded and took his seat.

It was as if the blood from Nadia completely left her face after that very last sentence however her face stayed extremely neutral. Her face rather snapped towards her parents who were avoiding eye contact with her.

The silence was so loud, the birds chirping ever so slightly as if they were part of the plan as well. Looking at everyone's face, anyone could tell that this had probably been discussed many times before. "What?" Nadia being the first one to say something, spoke in a monotone voice.

"Look we wanted to see how you two would get along when you first met and it had seemed to work very well. We're only really looking out for you, Lewis. These rumours have kinda taken a toll on you." Nicola voiced, seeing that their faces were stoic yet burning daggers into everyone's skulls.

Finally looking at each other, Lewis and Nadia's eyes met with no source of attraction to each other in that present moment. "This is crazy." Lewis muttered to himself as he shook his head whilst looking down at his shoes.

"Okay." Nadia said, crossing her arms and looked at her mom directly. "Okay?" Lewis grumbled with slightly narrowed eyes to the girl. "Yeah. Clearly this is important and stuff so I'll do it." Nadia responded with a calm facade but she was truly screaming on the inside, her leg shaking underneath the table. Shocked as he was at her nonchalant response to the situation, he slumped back and chose to not speak up in front of guests. Lewis wasn't frustrated in the slightest but he was just extremely confused.

"What about the details?" Lewis sighed, feeling through his beard and accepting his fate.

"Wait, you're actually doing this?" Thembi expressed. If anything, Thembi felt embarrassed to even coming up with this suggestion thinking that it was going to help the driver and his many social problems. "Ma, please tell us the details before we rethink doing this for you guys." Nadia deadpanned, grabbing a grape from one of the charcuterie boards displayed.

"Well. You would have to tell the world that you've been married for at least a year or two and I've already told your PR team, Lewis, to get everything ready before you announce. For now, you're only allowed to tell your closest friends and coworkers about this so that it doesn't seem suspicious that your friends didn't know of your marriage." Nicola started.

"Nadia, because you're now affiliated with Lewis, security and a team will have to assembled to be at your beck and call. Marie from Lewis' team will come over to help you choose potential candidates for your everyday team. Now the difficult part. You two have to be married legally because you know how people get, Lewis. They'll want evidence. And that's Gerald is here for." She concluded, gesturing to the guest to open his briefcase but god, did he feel awkward.

"Uh, hello. Here's the marriage certificate you two are meant to sign for the court to recognise it as an actual marriage." The poor man was red in the face as he shakily placed the certificate between Nadia and Lewis with a pen. With her freshly manicured hand, the girl picked the pen and signed underneath her name officially as a Mrs. She took a quick glance at Lewis' name and it seemed so familiar but the thing that intrigued her the most was the 'Sir' before anything.

Lewis had a good look at Nadia's side profile as he watched her sign the official papers. She didn't seem bothered with anything that was said, it was as if everything just defeated her and she just accepted it. If there's one thing he noticed was that it looked like she didn't have a clue about who he was at all and that was so fascinating to him.

She handed the pen to him, their hands touching a little with the warmest touch as they made eye contact. They both couldn't read each other's eyes, only dark brown pupils staring into each other's souls. Lewis then also signed with a bit of hesitation, the reality falling on him as he dragged the pen to the very last of his signature.

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Hamilton." Gerald broke the silence as he uttered his words. He quickly packed his briefcase and walked away from the table with a small wave to everyone to escape from the awkwardness of the lunch table.

"You only have to do this for a year or so then you can either divorce publicly or privately. And the living situation has to be changed. Nadia, you will have to be almost everywhere with Lewis now that you've signed that certificate so I am not sure how you will handle this at your workplace. Do you have an active passport?" Anthony ended with his question to which the quiet girl just nodded.

"Wait, where am I going to live?" Nadia asked, eventually snapping out of the quiet demeanour she had. "Well you'll have to speak to your husband about that." Linda smiled at the two, the smile slowly falling when seeing their deadpanned faces.

Sighing out for the final time, Lewis sighed and lightly tapped Nadia on the arm signaling for her attention. He held his car keys in his hand and she knew that she had to go because being there any longer would've suffocated her. The newly married couple simultaneously stood up and gathered their belongings, making everyone's faces grow into confusion.

"Where are you guys going?" Thembi asked, standing up as well with a worried expression. All Lewis did was shrug as he fixed his shirt and move out of the way so that Nadia could walk before him. "Bye everyone! Your charcuterie boards looked amazing by the way, Linda." It was as if someone completely different had greeted the group goodbye because her mood changed in a matter of seconds as if nothing happened.

"What the hell did we just do?" Nicola asked, rubbing her forehead as she watched the two walk away and out of the house.

-

"You've arrived at your destination." The automated voice rang through the large car as it approached a large black gate behind an elegant building.

The drive to the unknown destination was not as quiet as they thought it would be. When entering the car, all Nadia could do was to laugh as soon as Lewis entered the car so much so that a few tears of laughter came out. It was a sound that he appreciated to hear and he joined her in her laughter. They couldn't believe that they even went through that, mainly laughing at the fact they went into the house for lunch and left as a married couple.

It was quite the lengthy drive but it seemed much quicker as they spent the time speaking about what happened at lunch yet they never got to the topic of his job and also because they decided to play music to get rid of the negative mood they both had.

“I thought you were going to kidnap for a second. I still do.” Nadia joked as he playfully rolled his eyes at her. “Where are we even?” She looked out of the window to see the back of the large building, eventually spotting a small yet visible sign on the wall reading ‘Harrods VIP parking’.

Letting the smallest gasp escape her mouth, she gazed at Lewis once again who was typing on his phone and wondered what he did for a living for him to be able to decide to park his car here. The rumours from this department store were unbelievable so to see them bloom in real life felt surreal to Nadia.

Lewis definitely saw Nadia to be a good friend to him and could keep her around his circle and vice versa. It was a sign that a friendship was brewing between each other and they’re somewhat grateful for that although it happened so quickly.

“Seriously bruv, where are you taking me? I have to get home to watch catfish.” She asked, flicking her hair back and he laughed once more. “Bruv?” He said in between his giggles. “Okay my pookie wookie buddy bear, where are you taking me?” She said, fluttering her eyelashes at him which made him burst into so much more laughter.

“Since you want to know so badly, we’re going to Cartier to get our wedding rings.” He smiled a toothy grin, turning off the ignition of the car while looking at her stunned expression.

“…what?”

taglist: @non-stop-imagines @folkloresthings @tispys-blog @userlando @lorarri @thisismeracing @thatsdemko @myescapefromthislife @slytherinjimin3nthusiast @jamie2305 @like-fire-love-blog @sugardontbesweet @simpfortoomanymen @mauvecherie-writes @queenshikongo3 @eugene-emt-roe @deepgothfiremuffin @18754389 @cherry2stems @anubisnoir @goldsainz

dividers by: @cafekitsune

faceclaim for nadia: @/unclewaffles_ on ig!

all pictures from pinterest and ig!

[wedgiestoriescollective]

The Senior: Years Later

Hello all! Before I start the next story in my “The Senior” series, I wanted to share that since I began writing, uploading, and reuploading these stories on here some things have changed. While I have been sharing my experiences with wedgies on here, these stories thus far have been about my experiences with them as a child and teenager. This didn’t initially bother me because I was sharing and, in a way, reliving these memories through my writing. But it bothers me now. 

Had my experiences with Chase concluded while we were both underage, I would have just stopped writing these stories all together. Yet this is not the case. So, this next part (and the final part following that) will take place four years after the previous story. When we were both consenting adults. I hope you enjoy,

                 

I was sitting at home alone. Well, I was sitting alone in the house where I grew up. I was visiting my parents during a short summer break from the musical theater conservatory I was attending. I hadn’t been home in over ten months. The conservatory went by a unique school schedule, so the week I was home didn’t coincide well with my parent’s work. As both are teachers, they still had school. It was nice being away from my classes, rehearsals, and at my part-time work in Times Square retail. So, things were busy. I was on the couch, a bag of pretzels in my lap as I watched some current popular TV show. My phone vibrated.

“Hey”, the text read.

I immediately recognized the phone number. I had deleted his contact multiple times. I even blocked the number once. Yet, those numbers were as familiar as his name.

“Hey”, I text back.

I pause the TV, redirecting my attention to my phone. I pushed the bag of pretzels aside. The text bubbles (a new IOS feature at the time) visualized three dots, Chase writing a response.

“I saw you were in town. How have you been? Chase texted.

At this time, it had been years since we had communicated with each other. And even longer since we’d last seen each other. Last time I had seen him, I was a Junior, and he was in town on Spring Break from his college in Colorado. We’d met up at my place and almost gotten caught by my parents. We quickly averted detection by sneaking out through the garage, but the stress of the moment gave me pause. Had me so scared of being discovered as anything other than “appropriate” or “normal” that I had (again) cut Chase out of my life.

“I am in town, I’ve been pretty good” I type on my phone, before deleting it.  

“Yeah, it’s been chill”.

I send the text and quickly place my phone face down as far away on the couch from me as I can reach. The phone immediately vibrates, but I force myself to remain still. The similar pattern presenting itself. He texts, I reply, he texts, I reply. Then minutes go by with nothing. Those minutes used to torture me, even when sometimes those minutes turned to hours, or the rest of the night. I promised myself I wouldn’t obsess over this again. That I was better than this. I remained still for just over five minutes before gently reaching over to my phone.

“Give any wedgies in the big apple yet?” Chase texted.

He skipped passed the unnecessary formalities. I hadn’t wedgied any guys in NYC at that point. There wasn’t any time, and I had my own revelations I was working through. Within a month of living in NYC, I had come to understand and accept that I was so far in the closet that I found Christmas presents. I had started trying things on in my new “out” life. Mostly through chats on dating apps or…. well, that’s all I did. I was out to my classmates at school, but back home I slipped back into the guy I was before I moved to NYC. Chase had been out for years by this point.

“I haven’t, too busy! Lol =(“ I reply.

“I have been thinking about the one’s you’d give me.” Chase texts.

“Really?” I reply.

“Yeah, it was hot”. Chase replies.

I politely ignored the fact that I was sporting blushed cheeks. Also, my hard on. I was ignoring that too. My phone vibrated.

“Wanna come over? I can pick you up.”

I looked at the phone in disbelief. After all that we’d been through. The shame that I felt and sometimes still have. The times that we’d avoid each other at all costs. Here he was again, offering to pick me up. To spend time with him. To wedgie him. It’s as if the closeted, hidden high school version of myself peeled away. I stood up and hopped in the shower, but not before typing and sending my response.

“Sure, you know where I live.”

When I opened Chase’s front car door, he looks at me and it was simultaneously as if time hadn’t past while there were also apparent timely differences. Both of us now sported stubble, mine being closer to a beard. Yet, he still had that stupid plush dice dangling from his windshield. We chatted. I don’t remember about what. It was small talk, but I do remember there was a moment when he said something along the lines of “maybe you can’t do that, but you can give a good wedgie”. I remember how my hard on never subsided while sitting in his car. It’s funny what remains of your memories over time.

Chase pulls into the garage of his house. I had never been here before. He gets out of the car and nonchalantly enters his home, knowing I’d follow. There was a black lab that excitedly greeted me. I followed Chase into his room, and he closed the door behind him.

Chase’s room was the standard expected room of a teenager. Sports posters on the wall. His bass on a stand in the corner. A pile of clothes scattered on the floor. Chase noticed me looking at the pile.

“Find any underwear in there?” Chase asked.

“A couple” I reply.

Chase walks up to the front of his bed, taking off his grey zip-up and then tossing it on the ground. He stares at me a for a second as I stare back at him. He’s wearing a slim fitted light grey t-shirt and jeans. Chase then turns around, his back now facing me. I remember feeling awkward standing in that silence. Like I didn’t know how to fill it. We used to have so much to talk about. There were still things that should be said. Yet, I remained silent, lost in where to start.

“Do it” Chase said quietly. Almost as if through an exhale of breath.

His words snapped me out of my haze as if we were in high school flirting in our distant way. Our words and jokes that were just between us. Because no one, not even each other could ever know our true desire for the other. Except, we weren’t in high school anymore, and both of us since then had come out to our close friends, but more importantly to ourselves. That layer of shame was no longer relevant nor present. Nothing was stopping me.

“Do what?” I teasingly ask, taking a couple steps closer to him.

“Give me a wedgie. Please” and then he said my name. I don’t know why, but I found that hot. I was now directly behind him. It was again as if time hadn’t passed. Like I’d done plenty of times before, I lifted his shirt and fingered my way through the waistband of his jeans which also donned a brown leather belt. Once my fingers obstructively found the underwear, I made the waistband of them visible with a gentle tug. The underwear’s black waistband donned the word Hanes stitched multiple times in skinny white letters. The fabric underneath the waistband was dark grey.

I looked forward and clocked my own eyes in the reflection of the full body mirror to the right of Chase’s nightstand. I then locked eyes with Chase who was also staring at me through the mirror. It was like old times. I sharply tugged on the Hanes waistband and Chase arched his head and groaned as simultaneously the leg holes of the underwear came in full display above his jean’s waistband. That was new.

“I was curious” Chase said smirking slightly at me as I had him up on toes as held his underwear up in my grasp. Then I lift upward on my toes almost lifting Chase off the ground by his light grey briefs. My cock is at full attention now, obviously visible through the front of my black joggers. As I continue tugging at Chase’s underwear, on the occasion tug the bulge would briefly drag or rest on Chase’s ass. He knew where I was at.

I continue tugging, alternating between slow gradual pulls and quick pulsating tugs. On each pull, Chase varied his sound responses. Some were groans, quick exhales, and my personal favorite the occasional “ooh” or “ahh”. I got the grey briefs all the way up to his neck at the highest but I would then mess around with this wedgie by snapping the briefs against his back multiple times. I would also tug while pushing him forward only then to pull him back towards me, inching the underwear further in his butt. I at this point have never wedgied Chase in briefs. This made it exciting and new in a way I couldn’t begin to explain at the time, but thinking back on it I was likely excited by the arousal of it all.

The grey briefs were bunched, leg holes and all were above his jeans. I reach my hands in front of Chase, gently moving my hands towards his belt buckle. I slowly start navigating the belt buckle loose and I unbutton his jeans. I then abruptly pants Chase, leaving his wedgied ass full on display. Chase turns his head back towards me, smirking.

“Having fun?” He asks as he slowly pulls his briefs out of his ass and back into place.

I then lifted Chase toward me by his hips, so that his neck was right up against my face. I kiss his neck. Chase moans. I kiss his neck again, but this time as Chase moans I kiss him on the lips. Our first kiss. This right here was all I had ever wanted. His lips on mine.  He didn’t pull away. He turned around wrapping his arms around my shoulder as we continued kissing. His tongue quickly made its way into my mouth, and mine in his. I don’t remember gripping his waistband as we continued kissing, but when I opened my eyes for the first time as Chase was kissing my neck, I saw myself through Chase’s mirror, with his grey briefs lodged up his ass so hard that besides the fabric in my grasp there was no indication Chase was even wearing underwear. It was lodged that far up his perfect round ass. I tugged again sharply with my right hand while my left hand pulled Chase’s head back by his hair.

For a moment, we both simply stared at each other. No longer seeing the scared kids we were years before, but instead seeing ourselves as the men that we are. Men that are kind, yet long for another man’s attention, lust, maybe even love. Yet, in that moment we just remained present. In our own kinky way.

The kissing and the wedgies continued. I even let him briefly tug my blue Jockey boxer briefs softly up my butt, but he remained eager for his flossing. The only thing keeping me from ripping his briefs clean off him was the continued kissing, it was proving to be a weakness of mine. Over the next couple of minutes, Chase kissed his way down my body. From my lips to my neck, to my nipples, and further down my stomach. Chase was on his knees now, alternating between looking at my throbbing bulge and up at me. He looked so beautiful looking up at me, as if I could solve all his life’s problems. Chase slowly then lowered my black joggers off me while still looking at me. Pre cum was already staining the front of my blue boxer briefs as Chase lowered those too. This wasn’t his first time seeing my cock. Back in our high school days we dared each other to hold the others cock in the car for a minute. But this was certainly different. Especially because this time Chase was licking the pre cum off the tip of my cock before putting the rest of it in his mouth.

I audibly moaned as my cock was blown for the first time, overwhelmed by the sensation of it. The newness of it. The excitement of it. All of it felt like a lock was finally clicking open. My whole body recoiled when Chase took a moment to merely tickle my cock with small kisses. He’d told me he was hooking up quite a lot in college in the text exchanges we shared when we chatted briefly after he came out. Back when I was still so scared to accept that part of myself. Before I ghosted him.

“I always thought that you had a hot cock” Chase said looking at me.

I looked down at him, feeling aristocratic as I noticed his grey briefs still lodged up his ass. Chase went back at my cock again; except this time, I cupped the back of his head with my left hand, gently pushing his head inward so my entire cock could face fuck its way down his throat. My other hand between thrusts reached down Chase’s back to grip the grey briefs. As I alternated between thrusting my body forward and pulling on the underwear, I felt closer to myself. As if I was about to descend on the first drop on a roller coaster. I felt drops of sweat trickle off my chin. I looked down then, only seeing Chase’s brown hair and his briefs gripped in my hand halfway up his back, lodged up his ass.

It was then when I remembered the time he yelled at me after we got caught by a police officer. We were rubbing each other’s cocks in an empty parking lot with sunshades over the window of Chase’s car. How scared we both were. How we reacted differently. And then, how when I was a Junior in high school when I saw he had posted a picture on Instagram with a guy. A boyfriend. How betrayed I felt. How exposed that post made me feel. But also, how lonely it made him feel as well.

I gently let go of Chase’s briefs and removed myself from his mouth, pretending like I heard my phone vibrate. I made up something about my mom wondering where I was and that she needed me home. Chase understood, we dressed, and he drove me home. When we got back to my house, there were no other cars in the driveway.

“She wanted me to be ready to go by 4”. I said, trying to talk my way out of the lie.

Chase seemed like he understood, but I must give him more credit. It’s possible that Chase knew I was lying. Still, before I could get out of the car he stopped me. Gently his hand clasped into mine. Again, something new. He leaned in and he kissed me gently. For a moment, I succumbed to it. The desire and lust I still very much had from the past hour’s activities. Tongues touched. He still grasped my hand. And then as if I teleported, I was locking my front door, and he was driving away.

I ran to the bathroom, stripped off my clothes, and stepped in the shower where I preceded to go into my usual, comfortable, one-man routine of pleasing myself. I came within minutes recounting it all. Moaning at full volume as I came. My cum, shooting towards the top of the screen door in the shower, before then slowly trickling downward. As the hot water continued running down my hair and body, I felt both euphoric and lonely. Hoping that the phone would vibrate with a text from Chase saying he came or that he wanted to meet up again. Yet, I sat alone under the running water knowing that it wouldn’t.

[theglamorousferal]

Cryptid of Smallville Chapter 3

Hey ya'll, this has been a long time coming.

First off, I want to thank everybody who liked and shared! I'm not great at talking to people but know that everything has made me so happy and warms my heart so much that I can barely put together words.

Secondly, I will be writing more, but I definitely won't be able to keep any sort of schedule. I already have a good part of the next chapter started and though it's definitely going to be a shorter one, it will still be good.

Finally, this beast of a chapter. I wrote the first 3/4 of this chapter about a week after I finished the first chapter and then began to second-guess myself about whether people would want an entire chapter dedicated to a lore dump. I fought with myself for literal months before I finally sat down and was like, "You won't be able to do the rest of it until you get this one done, it's important". Finally this morning I sat down and plugged out the last bit of the chapter and after looking everything over again I decided to just post it before I lost my nerve.

Please let me know any critiques you may have, I barely edited this. Thank you so much for the support!! <3 Here's the AO3 link

For as long as he can remember, Danny has always been fascinated by space. Something about the fact that each star out there being home to other planets and all the different things on those planets just tugs at his curiosity. To make it better, it’s infinite, so he can just keep learning about new places for as long as he’ll live. Which might be forever, but he’s trying to not think too hard about that right now. 

He wonders what the members of his Fright are up to right now. Jazz it probably trying to psycho-analyze Vlad who claims that his days of evil are over with and that he plans to just be the chill uncle to both the Fenton children. Tucker’s probably hacking into the GIW again just to mess with them. Sam’s probably planning a protest to try and get some of the anti-ecto acts repealed while Mom and Dad help with the research to back her up. Ellie is probably still hanging out with Pandora learning how to fight ancient style. Danny sighed, most of that sounded really fun, and he really wished that he could learn to fight alongside Ellie. He missed his totally-not-twin.

Right now, Danny is basically on vacation until his body is back to being 16. He basically can do whatever he wants, but he does have to go to school to keep up appearances. He’s allowed to use his powers whenever, but not where anybody can see. Which typically means he’s not allowed to go into low orbit to look at the stars because that’s just a bit far for the Kent parents' tastes.

They compromised with the roof.

So here he was, at the highest point of the Kent family home staring up at the night sky with little to no light pollution and not a cloud in the sky. The Milky Way was on full display as the stars all twinkled above. One thing he noticed pretty early on is that despite this not being his planet Earth and dimension, the constellations are the same. He tracked his way through all of the astrological signs, pausing a moment on Libra as he pictured himself as the balance with morbid humor, and then through the popular ones like Orion and the Big Dipper. He glances next to him a moment later when someone settles down on the roof with him.

“Hey Clark, what’s got you up?” Danny asked, turning back to face the sky. It’s been about five months since he started staying with the Kent’s and he’s forever grateful that they’ve been so kind and understanding with him.

“Not much, was finishing up studying for this new unit in science when I noticed you were up here. Heard you sighing, what’s got you worked up?” Clark sat with an arm braced on his knee and the other behind him staring up at the sky as well. 

“Just thinking about what my Fri- family is up to. I know time works differently here and it’s probably just been a couple days or maybe even hours for them, but I miss them a lot. They’re a crazy mess, but they’re my crazy mess, ya’know?” 

Clark glanced down at Danny, the kid looking a bit lost. He shifted so he was leaning back on both of his hands. “Actually no, I mean, it’s just been me and Ma and Pa out here before you came along. I don’t really have friends at school that I’m close with.” He paused for a moment, staring straight out across the fields. “Mind telling me about them?”

Danny whipped his head toward Clark, scanning his face. “Are you sure? You don’t have to listen to me ramble, I know I can go on and on, and I don’t want to bore you or anything.”  

Clark chuckled, “Nah, go right on ahead and tell me about your family and friends, it’d be nice to hear about the people who helped make you, well you.”

Danny paused looking at Clark’s face for a moment before he blew out a breath and turned away to look at the sky. 

“My parents are mad scientists,” Danny started. “Not in the ‘we’re building a thing to take over the world’ way, but in the ‘this sounds insane but it’s somehow real’ way. They’re the leading scientists in Ecto-biology and Ecto-engineering, also known as the study of ghostly behavior, biology and the properties of ectoplasm. Ectoplasm is both an energy source and the material that ghosts are made of. They make all kinds of things from weaponry to shield generators to tracking devices all based on ectoplasm. Their crowning achievement however was the portal.” Danny paused here, debating how much to say. “They built a portal to the afterlife in the basement of my childhood home, and it’s the reason I have ghost powers.” He decided to not get into the fact that he walked in and had a whole dimension pulled through him as the portal opened, no need to scare poor Clark. 

“Lab safety has always been a thing that was more like guidelines than actual rules in the house, so since growing up in that environment, it led to myself and my family getting contaminated with ectoplasm. I definitely have it worse off than my family members, but each of them has something that’s just a bit off about them. Like my dad lifting things he probably shouldn’t, my mom moving just a little too fast, and my sister does this thing where she’s looking at you and it feels like she’s looking at your soul and it takes her just a little too long to actually blink and then she’s psychoanalyzed you and knows all your secrets. It’s unsettling, but we just live with it. I had a bit of an accident so I got more contaminated which is why I can fly and do other ghostly things.”

“Must be great having people around who’ve studied ghosts and everything when you have ghost powers. If you have them, why were you left with us? Wouldn’t it make more sense to have you stay with your parents who can handle it if your powers get out of control?”

Danny winced at this, “It’s kinda complicated. So I have some responsibilities in my dimension that I kinda need to be bigger for. I have all my power, and who knows maybe going through puberty a second time will make them grow more, but for now it shouldn’t be much. I’m mostly here to get something of a ‘normal’ childhood and to wait it out until I’m my full size again. It’ll be weird because by that point I’ll technically be 26 but hey I’m not gonna have to go through all the ‘adult’ things I need to do, just need to lay low and do some fun kid stuff, maybe do better in school this time around, maybe I’ll be able to pass high school when I get back. Maybe I’ll work on learning some stuff that could be useful like karate, that could be fun, we could do it together! Since we’re both strong we wouldn’t have to hold back against each other!” Danny excitedly looked over at Clark. It was hard to see in the light of the full moon, but it almost seemed like the freckles on Danny’s face were glowing green in his excitement. Clark smiled at his excitement.

“Yeah that sounds like fun, we can ask Ma and Pa together tomorrow.” 

“Yeah! It’ll be great, maybe when I get back I can show off that I’m a black belt just like mom. I can show Ellie all my new moves while she shows me what she learned from Pandora.” Danny smiled to himself and yes, those were certainly glowing freckles. 

“Who’re Ellie and Pandora?” Danny stilled for a moment, the freckles dimming a bit. Should he tell Clark about the whole clone thing? Should he mention that he’s friends with what basically amounts to gods? 

“So Ellie’s like my younger sister/cousin, we are very close and everyone says we could be twins, she’s a bit of a free spirit and is traveling a lot of the time. Right now she’s spending some time with Lady Pandora. Does your dimension have the myth of Pandora’s box?” at Clark’s nod Danny continues. “That’s her, she keeps the horrors in a box that she keeps locked down pretty tightly in the GZ, there’s a whole labyrinth and everything. I did have to help her one time when someone got a hold of it, not a fun time, but hey it was one of the first positive experiences my parents ever had when dealing with ghosts so there is that. Pandora has become something of a doting awesome aunt who can and will teach you how to fight if given the opportunity.”

They lapsed into silence for a bit, Clark content to just sit there while Danny gathered his thoughts.

“Let’s see, I talked about my parents, Ellie, Pandora and a little bit about my sister. So Jazz is the most amazing and overbearing sister known to all kind. She has her heart in the right place, but Ancients if she puts me in soup-time one more time, I’m gonna figure out a way to do it to her and see if she likes it.”

“Excuse me, ‘soup time’?” Clark was baffled. “Actually a few things you’ve mentioned have me confused, what is the ‘GZ’ and why say ‘Ancients’ like it’s a curse word?” 

Danny looked sheepish at that. “Right yeah, I forgot, I’m just so used to talking to people who know. So the GZ is also known as the Ghost Zone, the Infinite Realms or the afterlife. Basically it’s a dimension connected to all other dimensions and houses the ecto-entities of the worlds. It’s where all the afterlives are connected together and there are also, like, gods or god-like beings, which are the Ancients I mentioned, there as well as monsters. Basically anything that gives off a whiff of ‘spooky’ is probably connected to the GZ in some way.”

“So your friends in the corn fields?” Clark trailed off giving a dubious look at the fields.

“Yeah, they’re technically ecto-entities. There are places that the veil between thins and sometimes things crossover. Like, I saw in one of the aerospace books that you also have the Bermuda Triangle as a thing, a lot of those incidents are from the veil thinning there and some natural portals opening up into the Infinite Realms. Sometimes they come back out, but it’s likely going to be a different time period than they first went in.”

“So, ‘soup time’?” Clark asked, getting Danny back on track. 

“Right! So, you know how I mentioned that my parents make some crazy things? Well some of those things are containment devices, but there’s one that works the best out of all of them, and that is the Fenton Thermos. Basically it’s bigger on the inside and can suck in and hold an ecto-entity until it is released, usually through the portal. It’s very cramped and not a great feeling and my sister is rather clumsy so when she first started helping me, she accidentally sucked me into the thermos six times. Six times! Like I get it, sometimes somebody’s aim can be a bit off, but she kept getting me and not the ghost that was attacking! She’s gotten better and can and will join us on patrol if need be, but she’s more like a backup and also our field medic. She’s going into psychology and stuff for school, but she also wants to be a certified emt, it really couldn’t hurt in our town and with what I do.” Danny paused here, seeming to think about the fact he wasn’t home patrolling his Haunt. “Hey Clark, would you mind going for a short fly around the property with me? I need to move a bit.”

“Yeah, sure we can do that.” Clark got up and waited for Danny before making his way down towards the ground. “So you mentioned patrol? What’s up with that? Also do you have any friends you hang out with?” 

Danny started flying in a set route and Clark followed along, curious. “So, you know how I have powers and whatnot, kind of obvious now that we’re actually flying.” Danny and Clark both snorted at this. “So not all things that come through the portal in my basement are good things. I fight whatever comes through and send it back where it came from. Most of the time it’s just animal ghosts that don’t know any better, but there are also ones that know full well what they’re doing and seem to just want to make my life worse. I mean, can’t Skulker lay off me for long enough for me to finish an essay? Honestly.” 

“So, you’re a hero, is what you’re telling me? A vigilante?”  Clark asked, and watched as Danny scanned the horizon for anything weird. Well, at least weird for Danny, which, on second thought, Clark decided he would just pay attention to the child-teen next to him. No need to see things not meant to be seen.

Danny glanced over at Clark, “Yes, though it took a while and some misunderstandings for the town to accept that I’m there to do good. There was an issue with mind control and then the mayor was possessed, it was a whole thing, I’ll go into it later. Anyway,” Danny turned down a path between fields. “So I talked about my parents, a bit about my sister and the basics of ghost stuff, how’s about I talk about my best friends in the whole world?” He smiled at this, a fond wistful thing. 

“So my best friends are Sam and Tucker, and Valerie is getting there. We had a bit of a rough time before she realized I was the ghost boy she wanted to fight. It was a whole thing, but we’ve figured it out. We’ve got a truce going and she’s starting to hang out with us more and trains with us when she can. She’s this badass hunter in a red power suit with a flying surfboard, it’s really awesome. I mean, it wasn’t when she was unknowingly working with my nemesis, but the suit is now tied into her own ecto-signature so he can’t take it back from her now.” 

“So I guess that brings me to my best friends in the whole world, they’ve been with me since before all of this and have stood by me and kept my secret before I told my parents. Tucker is the best hacker that I’ve ever met, and I know a ghost who literally can become electricity. He’s a self-proclaimed carnivore and will not eat veggies unless they’re with an almost equal portion of meat. He’s also the reincarnation of an ancient Pharaoh and will inherit a domain in the GZ when he passes on. He’s been helping out my parents with some of the tech they make and also keeps all our data safe. He also has been working with some people in the GZ to update our tech, specifically stuff for tracking and also medical stuff for ecto-entities. He may hate hospitals, but that doesn’t mean he won’t help when it’s needed.” He paused for a breath here before he basically sighed out, “And then there’s Sam.” His freckles started to glow again when he said her name. 

“Sam is awesome. She’s a vegan and a goth and can and will absolutely beat the afterlife into anyone who messes with any of us. She has some level of powers following an incident that had her possessed for several days, but mostly it’s stuff like enhanced strength and speed, nothing too alarming, and juuuust a touch outside of normal for an athletic human, but she also can take and recover from hits almost on my level. She can talk to plants and grow them very quickly and when needed during a fight she can sprout out vines from the ground to help take out enemies. She’s set to take control of a part of the GZ as well when she dies, just as a princess, but still. She’s really smart and knows all this stuff about mythology and the kinds of things that we end up fighting a lot before the rest of us realize what it is and she’s a great shot too.” Danny seemed more content now than when Clark first came out, and while Danny had been right to warn him about the rambling, he found he really liked it when Danny was talking about the people he loves and things he knows about. 

“So, what other things do you want to do before you go back? You already mentioned karate, did you want to learn anything else?” Clark asked. They started to make their way back to the house since they found nothing along the edges of the property. 

Danny thinks for a moment. Learning new other combat techniques wouldn’t be a bad idea, but he can always learn from masters in the Zone. On one hand, learning politics wouldn’t be a bad  idea, but he has a feeling that it’s probably different in the Zone than in the living world. On the other hand, he was told to treat this time like a vacation, meaning he can just enjoy himself and pursue his hobbies here. 

“Well, I haven’t really had the time to do my hobbies or major interests in the last couple of years, so I guess I could do that. I’m not sure where you are with video games, but I’m sure they’re nowhere near what I’m used to, but building model spaceships and maybe I can try out flight simulators at museums. I’d love to learn to pilot, but right now I have the body of a six year old, so that’s gonna have to wait until I’m bigger. I’ve been a bit interested in the mechanics of things too, my dad’s shown me how to solder computer parts together, so I wouldn’t mind learning about how electronics and engines work. I’ve always wanted to be an astronaut, so I’d have to learn some of that stuff anyway.”

“Oh, one of our neighbors has a small plane he uses for crop dusting and sometimes for fires or rescue things if the police or firefighters need his help. We can see if he’d be willing to take us up sometime! I think there’s an aerospace museum in Metropolis that has a flight simulator, but it’s pretty far away, we’d have to go in winter when we can leave the farm for a day, but I’m sure Ma an’ Pa would take us. I’m sure Pa would be happy to teach you about the engines of the truck and the tractor too, though he might not let you do anything except hand him things until you’re older. As far as video games go, I’m not sure what they’re like there, but we only really have an arcade with some fighting games that are pretty cool. I mean, the Mayor’s kid has a home gaming system, but they’re hard to get around here.” 

“Aw man, I’m gonna end up spending all my allowance at the arcade aren’t I?” Danny groaned as they made their way up the stairs of the house. Clark chuckled, swinging the door open. “But yeah, all that sounds awesome! I hope we can convince your parents to let us do all that stuff.” Danny yawned. “I think it’s time I actually head to bed though. Tiny baby body needs sleep.” Danny floated his way up the stairs, too tired to use his legs and not wanting to wake the Kent parents with the creaky stairs. “Hey, Clark?” Danny asked.

Clark turned back to Danny, about to head to his own room. “Yeah Danny?”

Danny smiled a small smile. “Thanks for listening to me, I think it helped with me being homesick. To, you know, talk about them all. I do wish I could see them and hang out with them all, but I’m glad that I’m here too. For the first time in a while I’m not responsible for anything, I can actually be a kid.”

Clark smiled back at Danny, “Of course, I’ll listen anytime.” He thought for a moment. “You mentioned before about responsibility, you mean the hero thing right?”

Danny nods at first, then tilts his head to the side for a moment. “Oh, I forgot to tell you, it’s not just that. I’m also to be the King of the GZ when I’m old enough.”

Clark’s face drained and he landed hard on his feet. Breathlessly he asked. “King of the GZ? You mean the dimension that connects all the dimensions? You’re going to be King of it all?” 

Danny just nods then sits criss-cross in the air. “Yeah, gimmie a sec, I can make the royal getup appear, you might want to shield your eyes, it’s a bit bright.” Danny called forth his newest transformation, the one that came to be when he agreed to become Crown Prince of the Realms. A bright white light similar to an aurora with static on the edges appeared at his middle and hoarfrost seemed to spiral outwards as the light passed over his body. Left in its wake is medieval looking armor. 

Chainmail that seemed to be made from frost under a breastplate of black metal with his logo etched in silver. A cloak that started as a slippery black faded on the edges to look like the galaxy itself was trailing after him. His bracers were a pale silver and the clothes beneath his armor were a black leather-like material. He had white leather boots that went up to his knees and had the same pale silver metal tipping the toes. Above his head an aurora circled and little flakes of snow would drop into his hair like falling stars. Danny himself changed also, he stayed a six-year-old, but his skin faded to a light blue, his freckles began to glow a bright green as they had earlier. His eyes changed and glowed with a similar green light, and his hair turned white as snow and seemed to float as if in water. His fingertips were a deep navy and clawed, his canines elongated and his ears became pointed. On his finger there appeared to be a ring made of onyx with a gem so bright a blue that it almost hurt to look at, though it didn’t seem to light up the place more than Danny himself.

The most startling thing to Clark however, was not his appearance. “Danny, why don’t you have a heartbeat?” he asked, projecting as much outward calm as he could muster while being twelve and internally freaking out.

Danny seemed confused for a bit before he seemed to realize something. “Oh, right, so right now I’m a ghost, and as a ghost I don’t have a heartbeat, you should be able to hear some sort of almost rhythmic buzzing though, that’s my core, it’s similar to a heart and brain for ghosts.” Clark listened closer and relaxed once he found the buzzing sound. It reminded him of the sounds of a plane engine in the distance.

 “I also completely forgot that I never showed you my ghost form, so one sec, this one’s a lot brighter, I definitely don’t advise looking at this one.” Clark decided to listen this time, as the last time hurt his eyes. 

In a flash of bright white light, Danny appeared once again differently than before. He kept the green eyes, snow-white hair and glowing freckles, but the rest of him looked more like his human form, albeit wearing a black and white full bodysuit. The suit itself was black with the stylized DP logo, white boots, white gloves and a white belt. Danny’s skin was a more healthy tan, though still a bit paler than his human form. 

“So this is my usual ghost form, I’ve been able to change into it since I got my powers and it’s why my parents didn’t know I was who I was at first. It led to a lot of miscommunication and getting grounded even though I was out saving the day. Things have gotten much better since they learned about me and then looked at their research and realized a lot of it was wrong. I’m really proud of them, they looked at all their biased papers they had written over the years and instead of doubling down or letting it ruin them, they instead found a renewed vigor and are learning all they can. They’re releasing paper after paper correcting all the assumptions they had made now that they aren’t blinded by their prejudices.” Danny had a soft smile on his face as his eyes and freckles glowed brighter thinking about his parents. He yawned again. “I think I’ve dropped enough info on you for tonight though, so I’m gonna head to bed. You should too.” Another bright flash and Danny was back to being human, feet firmly on the floor. 

“Yeah, I’ll do that. Sleep well Danny.” Clark appeared to have reached his limit for processing things as he put some dots together. As he lay awake in his bed he realized that Danny is going to be a king to literal gods.

And he thought his math final was stressful.

Part 1 Part 2

[partnersincrimesuau]

Hey guys!!! Lil update on PIC...

yeah sorry I got back like a week ago and forgot to tell Tumblr and DeviantArt... sorry y'all TwT

I was actually going to upload the next page of PIC last Friday but I decided not to because... I'll be honest -

I'm really behind. More behind than I hoped.

Usually I like to be at least 10 pages ahead of schedule. Currently, I'm only 3 pages ahead. If I post the next page, I'll be TWO pages ahead. I'm just not making these pages fast enough... im trying to put as much love and care into the backgrounds and colouring as I can, but they're fatiguing... and as some of you know, I'm also hyperfixating on another franchise at the moment and so I'm devoting quite a bit of attention to it as well...

Does this mean that PIC will end?

Absolutely not. I do not have any plans to stop it. Even if I drift away from the Steven Universe fandom as a whole, PIC is MY story and MY comic, and I wholeheartedly plan on finishing what I started. I dont care if that means I make two pages a year, I'll still do it.

I'm going to try harder. At the minute, I've just got a lot on my plate. I've got a very expensive commission in the works, I've got friend stuff, I've got church stuff, I've got work stuff, I'm collaborating on a couple of FNAF projects (which I will be posting about soon), I'm STILL thinking about starting a youtube channel but I've also got Uni stuff, and of course...

I've got PIC. It's my little escape, and I love it so much. But unfortunately, these pages are taking a really long time to make, and I fear that if I keep uploading weekly, I'll run out and people will get confused.

So all I'm asking of is your patience. I know I'm not very good at keeping up with stuff online, but I do love what I do because it makes you guys happy. I love you all so much and I cant wait to see your reactions to future chapters.

Thank you. Thank you all so much for reading my comic. I'm working on Page 12 as we speak, and I believe I can finish it this week if I balance it with the rest of life stuff.

I think once I get through this week and finish this commission, things will get easier. Then I can FINALLY open commissions publicly like I've been planning since 2020.

Okay... i think thats all i wanted to say. Sorry i kinda went on a bit of a tangent there!!!

Anyways, i love you all so much and I'll see you soon ^^

Lots of love from Jinxy <333333

(Btw I'm online on discord just about every day so please consider the PIC discord server if you'd like to chill and hang with other readers, artists and friends!!!)

[illbeyourreasonwhy]

when the time comes, baby don't run

It's over! It only took three years and months of absence, but I finally completed my post-S1 Willex fic!

Thanks to everyone who stuck around for this, and hey, if you're just now discovering it, feel free to check out this fic for Willex fluff (and a tiiiny bit of angst), friendship feels, and a Caleb takedown!

(Part 1 Part 2 Part 3)

*

Alex is starting to seriously resent this plan.

Not because he is in any danger. No, it’s actually the opposite.

He is starting to resent this plan because he was tasked with staying behind at the studio, and not knowing what is going on is killing him.

“Alex, stop pacing,” Julie says, doing a terrible job at soothing his worries since she is also wringing her hands with a vengeance.

“He pacing again?” Flynn asks. She’s the only one of them who seems a minimum composed, but Alex caught her biting her nails when she thought neither of them was looking. “Alex, you need to chill. It’s not like we can do anything right now.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m freaking out,” Alex mutters, even though she can’t hear him. “We have no idea what’s going on, Caleb could have already caught them for all we know…”

“Alex,” Julie says tightly. She is still attempting to sound reassuring and failing miserably. “Not helping.”

He looks at her, taking in the tension and worry in her expression, and realises it looks familiar. This isn’t the first time she had to stay behind while her friends went off on a side mission, after all. He suddenly feels a lot more understanding of her frantic barrage of questions after they returned from getting their names on the Orpheum setlist, all those weeks ago.

It’s for her sake that he forces himself to sit, resting his arm next to hers on the table. He isn’t tangible right now, but he hopes the closeness will help comfort her – and him.

She offers him a strained smile, like she can tell what he’s thinking, and he thinks maybe it works.

“It’s going to be okay,” Flynn says, quieter than usual.

“Then what’s taking so long?” Julie asks to no one in particular.

It had been decided that one of the ghosts would stay behind as a precautionary measure.  Willie, currently speaking with Caleb – a thought that does nothing to soothe Alex’s already anxious mind – has been given Julie’s phone, so that he can send a text to Flynn the moment Caleb is done talking to him. Which is why Flynn and Julie are currently sitting in the studio, fully charged phone laying flat on the coffee table in front of them, ready to send Alex to retrieve Luke and Reggie from the club should they not be back by the time the text comes through.

It's a precautionary measure, he reminds himself. Luke and Reggie know they are on a tight schedule and have promised to be as quick as possible, while Willie is doing his best to keep Caleb occupied as long as he can. If all goes well, Caleb will never even know they were there.

But, still. Knowing that doesn’t make the wait any less anxiety inducing.

“It’s going to be okay,” Flynn repeats, like she can read his thoughts. She is probably just looking at Julie’s face.

As if summoned, Luke and Reggie appear in front of them with a brief white flash. Alex sags in relief, not getting the time to gauge their expressions before Julie jumps to her feet to engulf them in a hug with a squeal. Or, well, she tries; neither Luke or Reggie are tangible, either, and Julie slips through them, stumbling a little as Luke uselessly throws out a hand to steady her. She looks too relieved to see them to be bothered, eyes darting furiously between the two of them.

“How did it go?”

Reggie shrugs. “We didn’t really see anything we could use, but we did find this.”

He reaches inside his coat and pulls out something that he precariously sets on the coffee table.

The five of them crowd around it.

“What is that?” Flynn asks slowly, her eyes not leaving the strange object the boys brought back.

“No idea,” Luke answers, his voice hushed.

The object on the table – no, not on the table, Alex realizes, hovering over it – looks like a tiny purple ball, a glowing hue emanating from it and dusting the air with a faint light. Alex has never seen anything quite like it before, but he knows, just looking at it, that it is bursting with magic.

“It seemed important,” Reggie says, and Alex believes it.

Julie’s eyes flicker between the two of them, teeth gnawing at her lower lip.

“None of you actually knows what it is?” she reassesses. When she only gets shakes of heads as an answer, she nods and says, “Okay, then no one touch it.” She narrows her eyes at Reggie especially. “I’m serious. We don’t know what this is or what we’re dealing with, so we’re staying put and waiting for Willie to come back and explain.”

No one argues. They don’t have to wait long; twenty minutes later Willie sends a warning text that he is done with Caleb, and he walks through the doors of the studio another ten minutes later. The sight of him helps Alex breathe a little easier; he lifts himself off the couch and crosses the space between them to pull Willie into a tight hug. Willie’s arms loop around him easily, looking as relieved to see Alex as Alex is to see him.

“Hey, hot dog,” he whispers.

“You okay?” Alex asks as they move apart. He knows Willie is, or he wouldn’t be here, but he thinks he needs to hear him say it.

“I’m okay,” Willie answers. “I think Caleb bought it. It’s always hard to tell with him, but I’m pretty sure he believed me. You’re all okay too?”

“A-okay,” Reggie answers. “We were in and out, no one even saw us.”

Alex desperately hopes that’s true. He leads Willie back to the group; Willie follows easily, only to stop dead when he catches sight of the purple ball.

“Is that what I think it is?” he asks slowly.

“Ah. Well, see, we don’t actually know what it is, so…”

Willie stares at the ball, looking shaken.

“That’s the source of Caleb’s power,” he says. “When ghosts harness other ghosts’ powers like Caleb does, and they start having more power than one ghost should, they have to physically store the excess somewhere so that it doesn’t overwhelm them, and keep it close so that they can still access it. I think Caleb used this ball in his very first trick back when he was alive, so it has sentimental value to him or something. You guys found it?”

“It wasn’t that well hidden!” Reggie says, sounding like he feels he should defend himself. “It was just sitting there in a box inside of another box under a curtain in Caleb’s dressing room! We didn’t know what it was, we just assumed it was important!”

“Well clearly you were right!” Alex exclaims. He realizes he sounds panicky, but sue him, he is panicking. “What if Caleb can trace it back to here? Can he tell where it is?”

A soft touch to his shoulder; it’s Willie, and Alex feels his nerves simmer down. They’re not gone, though.

“I don’t think he can trace it,” Willie says. “If he did, he would be here already.”

That’s not exactly a reassuring thought. Alex doesn’t have time to say that, though, because then Julie steps forward.

“Time-out,” she says. “What’s going on?”

Right. She can’t see Willie or hear his explanations. Flynn is probably even more lost.

When they are done recapping, Flynn’s eyebrows are furrowed and Julie has a determined look in her eyes.

“So this thing is pretty important to Caleb, then?”

“It’s the most important thing in the world to him,” Willie confirms. Reggie repeats it. “Without it under his control, he could lose all his power, all his influence.”

An idea starts to prickle the back of Alex’s mind, but before it can fully form, Julie speaks up.

“Call Caleb here. Tell him we’re willing to trade this thing back to him for the release of Nick and Willie, and the promise that he will leave us alone from now on.”

They all turn to stare at her, stunned.

“Jules, you were the one who was afraid of blackmailing him in the first place,” Flynn reminds her.

“I know,” Julie says, and she does look a little shaken, but the determined look in her eyes doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere. “But things are different now. This –” she gestures to the purple ball, still hovering innocently over the coffee table, “- is one more thing that will draw Caleb’s attention to us. We need to act before he figures out that we have it.” She crosses her arms. “Right now, Caleb doesn’t know it’s missing yet. We need to use that to our advantage. If we confront him with it, catch him off-guard, it might be the first time we have the upper hand since this mess started.”

She looks at them all, as if waiting for an answer, but none of them have one at first. In truth, Alex suspects they all might be a little impressed.

“She’s got a point,” Luke says eventually. Unsurprisingly, too. He’ll always back Julie up.

Willie glances around the group and, upon seeing no argument, steels himself and nods. “Okay,” he says. “I’ll go get him.”

He prepares to leave, and it’s then, when Alex sees the back of his silhouette framed in the doorway, that the fear suddenly jumps to his throat.

“Wait!”

They all look at him, looking surprised at his outburst, but Alex barely sees them. What he does see is Willie about to walk away from him again, away from him and right back into the palm of Caleb’s hand, and Alex can’t handle it. It has always been hard, letting Willie go back to Caleb and wondering if this is the time he won’t come back, but with the added knowledge of what has been going on it has gone from hard to unbearable. How is Alex supposed to watch Willie throw himself back into the deathtrap that is setting up a meeting between Caleb and them and therefore revealing he has been in contact with them and working with them, less than an hour after feeding him what Caleb will inevitably realize are lies? How can they ask Willie to walk into what could very well be the moment Caleb decides he has grown tired of letting Willie get in his way and wipes him out of existence?

Alex is suddenly truly, utterly terrified of letting Willie out of his sight and at Caleb’s mercy, and maybe that’s why the seeds of an idea that were forming a few moments ago jump to the front of his mind, crystal-clear and complete now.

“What if there was another way?”

“Another way?” Reggie repeats.

“You said that without this, Caleb would lose all his power, all his influence,” Alex says haltingly, rushing to get his thoughts out.

Willie nods, looking confused as to where Alex is going with this. Alex goes on, his voice going breathless in his haste to get the words out.

“What if we don’t give it back? What if we keep it for ourselves?”

Reggie is the first to answer, voice hesitant and unsure. “But wouldn’t that just put a target on our backs? If it’s that important, Caleb won’t stop at anything to get it back.”

“But if we use it,” Alex insists, “if we figure out how to control it, we can take him down, for good.”

“I’m with Alex,” Luke says, and Alex feels a thrum of relief go through him amidst the frantic rush of his thoughts. If someone is backing him up, this can’t be that crazy an idea, right?

Julie doesn’t seem to agree. “Let me get this straight. You want to play with magic you don’t understand and try to control something we know is incredibly powerful with no prior knowledge on how do that?”

“I’m sorry, who wants to do what now?” Flynn pipes up, looking alarmed.

Julie glances at her and raises a hand as if to let her know she will translate everything to her in a moment, and Alex opens his mouth to defend himself, but then Willie speaks up.

“That’s way too dangerous, hot dog,” he says, eyes serious and almost scared. “That kind of power in the wrong hands, things could end really, really badly.”

“It’s already in the wrong hands with Caleb!” Alex points out.

“I’m not saying I disagree,” Willie says. “But the reason it’s working for Caleb is that he actually knows what he is doing with it. I mean, say we keep it with us, what’s your plan? We just hold onto it and hope for the best?”

“I – well, I figured I would leave that part to you,” Alex admits, trying to push down the embarrassment he can feel start to well up within him.

“I don’t know the first thing about wielding this kind of power!” Willie says. “It would be a disaster, I can’t even imagine how wrong things could go –”

“Julie,” Alex hears Flynn whisper urgently. “Julie, what’s happening? I can’t hear them, are they being dumb?”

“I just think we should think about it before handing back something this valuable, that’s all. I’m just thinking of an alternative,” Alex says, feeling like he needs to defend himself. He doesn’t like the way he feels like he has been backed into a corner. “Stop acting like I’m being stupid for that.”

“No one said you were being stupid,” Julie says immediately, placating, “but look, we had a plan –”

“We had the beginning of a plan,” Alex corrects, “you said that. The next step was figuring out how to use whatever we found – I’m just offering one option.”

“But we don’t know the first thing about using this thing, and in the time it takes for us to figure it out, Caleb could come looking for us, and –”

“But if we do figure it out, we could defend ourselves –”

“Alex, again, I don’t know how to use this,” Willie starts, and it’s looking like he is going to tell him to give up on this idea, and Alex’s heart seizes with fear –

“If you go back right now, Caleb will know you lied!”

There is a short silence following his outburst, and Alex wants to retreat back into himself. His heart is beating wildly as he eyes his friends’ reactions, feeling exposed as he watches their expressions soften with understanding.

“Hot dog,” Willie says, gently, “I’m going to be fine.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know what I signed up for. Fact is, if we want Caleb to release me and Nick, we’re going to have to face him at some point.”

“I know, but…” Alex closes his eyes, tries to explain the way his thoughts are rattling inside his brain. “You just went to lie to his face. If you tell him we want to talk to him right now, he’ll know you’ve been in contact with us and that none of what you said was true. And then what will happen to you?”

Willie presses his lips together, looking worried – Alex is willing to bet Willie is more worried about Alex’s reaction than his actual words, though, and he knows it should settle his anxiety to know that Willie, who has more knowledge on all things related to Caleb, seems less afraid of what might happen than he does, but it’s hard to relax when he also knows that Willie has fully decided to commit to their safety over his own.

“He doesn’t have to know.”

Alex tears his eyes away from Willie to Luke, across the table, who looks back at him with half-raised eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“Caleb. He doesn’t have to know that Willie was working with us. Willie can just say that we contacted him on our own just now to set a meeting because he’s our closest link to him. That way he’s in the clear, and if the deal works then by the time he realizes Willie is lying it’ll be too late, we’ll be in the process of bargaining for his soul back.”

Alex feels his forehead crease as he takes it in. “You think he’ll buy that?”

“I think he wants us bad enough to be willing to take the meeting even if he suspects something,” Luke answers. “Whether or not he believes Willie, he’ll want to deal with him afterwards, so we just have to make sure he can’t.”

That… is a good point. But Alex isn’t sure he is willing to gamble Willie’s safety on that chance alone.

“Look, this is dangerous,” Julie says slowly. “Caleb already almost took you guys away once, and I’m just worried that if we’re not careful, he might – he might –”

She breaks off, and Alex’s heart breaks, because she’s scared, she’s really scared, and he’s scared too, and if even Willie can’t be sure of what they’re dealing with then what chance do they have, and –

“Okay, timeout, please.”

They all whirl around to look at Flynn, who in turn is switching between looking at Julie and glancing around the room, trying to figure out where they all are, worry in her eyes. She smiles when she sees Julie looking back at her, but it looks strained.

“Hi. Lifer friend here,” she says, raising a hand. “Uh, what’s going on?”

Oh. Alex sees Julie’s face fall guiltily, feels that same guilt curl in his stomach. They’re usually better at keeping her in the loop when the ghosts aren’t visible, but Alex got so caught up in worry for Willie and desperation to get the others to consider his alternative that it slipped his mind this time.

“Sorry,” he says. “Julie, can you tell her I’m sorry?”

She does, and in the time it takes for her to fill Flynn in, Alex can feel his nerves start to settle – and sees it reflected in his friends’ stances. By the time Flynn is caught up, he thinks they’re all thinking about this with a little clearer state of mind.

“Huh,” Flynn says, nodding pensively. “That’s actually not as stupid as I was expecting.”

“Hey!” Alex protests.

“And before your ghost gets offended, keep in mind that I could only hear part of that conversation.”

Alex can’t help but smile at that. He loves Flynn, loves that she knows them well enough to be able to anticipate what they will say even when she can’t hear them.

“So you agree with him then?” Julie asks. “You think we should keep that thing for ourselves?”

Flynn presses her lips together. “I think,” she says eventually, “it should be up to Willie.”

Willie blinks, looking at her in surprise. Alex feels a sharp shard of emotion go through his chest – a little bit of that same surprise, because that hadn’t been what he expected Flynn to say; guilt, feeling inadequate as Willie’s… something, that he wasn’t the one to put Willie’s feelings on this whole thing first; and more significantly, something almost like heartbreak at how stunned Willie looks at the simple prospect of being the one to make the final call on this decision. He wonders how long it has been since Willie has heard someone say the choice should be up to him.

Alex tries to swallow around all these feelings and the way they’re catching in his throat. “Yeah,” he manages, his voice rough. “She’s right. It should be your call.”

He hates this, hates this, because he knows that Willie isn’t going to take into account how badly this could go for him if he thinks it will benefit the group. But he also knows that despite that, this should be Willie’s decision; he is the one more at risk, he is the one who has been living in this world the longest and knows its rules the most, and he is the one who knows Caleb best.

Willie wraps his arms around himself, his thumb circling the inside of his wrist soothingly. Alex resists the urge to grab his hand and do it himself.

“The plan was always to find leverage to free me and Nick,” he says finally. “Not to take on Caleb ourselves.” He glances down at the purple ball. “And this is more than enough leverage.”

He turns his gaze to Alex, apologetic, and Alex forces himself not to look away; he doesn’t want Willie to interpret it the wrong way, to think Alex is angry with him for not going with his plan when really he feels like his heart is shattering at the thought of the danger Willie is about to walk into. So he keeps looking, tries to smile, hopes that the utter devastation he is feeling isn’t reflected in his eyes.

“If we had more time,” Willie continues, “if we could learn how to use this against him, it would be different, but – he’s going to notice it’s missing really quickly, and when he does he’ll come straight here. We need to use the element of surprise while we still can. It’s the best chance we’ve got.”

Alex lets out a slow breath.

“He might not figure out we have it right away,” he tries, a last-ditch effort. “I don’t know, I’m willing to believe he’s pissed off more people than just us.”

Luke makes a considering noise, but Alex doesn’t dwell on it. He knows he’s lost. Willie smiles at him sadly, shaking his head.

“It’s not worth the risk. The plan was always to use what we found as a bargaining chip. I think that’s the plan we should stick with. It’s the safer play for all of us.”

“Including you?” Alex checks.

“Including me. It’s like Luke said. I think there is a pretty big chance that even if Caleb suspects something, he’ll want to see how this plays out before he does anything about it.”

“What if he does find out that you lied to him?”

“If this goes well, by the end of the day he won’t be able to do anything about it.”

Willie’s confidence seems to be enough for the others, but Alex doesn’t trust it – Willie can be very self-sacrificial when it comes to this group.

Willie notices.

“Alex,” he says, “I’ll be fine.”

“You keep saying that,” Alex says, hating the way his voice breaks.

Willie smiles, heartbreakingly sincere. “And I keep coming back, don’t I?”

He does. And every time, Alex is left wondering if this was the last. If Willie’s luck is finally about to run out, if this is when Caleb runs out of patience. But if he is right, if this goes well, after today, he won’t have to worry ever again.

(He will probably worry anyway.)

Alex lets out a breath. It’s the most difficult thing in the world, but he manages to force himself to nod, the movement jerky.

“Okay.” He meets Willie’s gaze, sees the surprise reflected in his eyes at his relenting, and huffs out something that sounds almost like a laugh. “You better go. Before I change my mind.”

Willie smiles, small and nervous but bright as ever, and Alex loves him. The feeling sits in his chest, familiar and warm and just a little heartbreaking. Willie smiles, and Alex loves him.

Alex follows him out of the garage, trying to keep him in his sights as long as possible, and Willie smiles at him again when they make it outside. It’s softer now, less uncertain, and it makes Alex’s heart twinge inside his chest.

“I’ll be right back,” he promises.

He starts to turn, starts to leave, and Alex’s hand shoots out, snagging Willie’s.

“Wait,” he breathes.

He pulls Willie closer with a tug of the hand, then reaches out, cradling his face in both hands. Willie looks at him, his eyes staring into Alex’s, and Alex rests his forehead against his.

His thumb caresses Willie’s cheek, softly. Willie leans into it, and Alex breathes.

“You’re coming back,” he says.

It’s a fact, not a request, but Willie nods anyway, his forehead brushing against Alex’s, and brings his hands to cup the back of Alex’s neck. For a moment, it’s like they are the only two people in the world, holding each other, a breath from each other.

Alex kisses him.

He’s never actually kissed anyone before, so he’s not entirely sure what to expect, but Willie gasps softly into it, and kisses him back, slowly, and Alex’s eyes slip closed of their own accord. He feels one of Willie’s hands move to his hair, the other still resting on the back of his neck, thumb gently smoothing a spot behind his ear, and it’s kind of the best thing Alex has ever felt.

Alex frames Willie’s face in his hands and kisses him, kisses him, kisses him.

They remain close after they pull away, foreheads rested together. Alex breathes out, cupping Willie’s cheek, and opens his eyes. Willie’s open a moment later, and for a moment they just look at each other. Willie smiles. Alex smiles back.

He lets go after a moment, moves back, because he thinks if he keeps holding Willie for much longer he might never be able to let him go.

“Catch you later, skater boy.”

Willie smiles, vulnerable and so, so bright, and Alex loves him.

He brings one of Alex’s hands to his lips, drops a quick kiss there, and lets go.

“Catch you later,” he echoes.

And then he’s gone.

Alex lets out a slow breath, the full weight of what just happened making him stumble as he moves to go back inside the studio. He sits on the couch and Julie joins him a moment later, her hand hovering over his in an attempt to give him some comfort when they can’t touch.

“You okay?”

“I kissed Willie.”

Three heads whip around to look at him. “What?”

“I kissed Willie,” Alex repeats, and then it’s like it hits him for the first time. “Oh my god. I kissed Willie.”

He kissed Willie. And Willie kissed him back. Willie told him he was coming back. To him. Willie kissed his hand –

Alex feels his cheeks heat up, and even after all this time he can still be annoyed by the fact that this shouldn’t be possible, especially when Reggie notices and grins.

“Oh my god, you’re blushing! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you blush.”

“Shut up,” Alex mutters.

“Hey, I’m just happy for you, man,” Reggie says, clapping him on the back. “It’s about time.”

“What he said,” Luke grins. “Congrats on finally making it happen.”

Julie just smiles, shaking her head lightly. “Only you, Alex. Only you could manage to convince yourself that the guy you’ve been practically dating for weeks actually isn’t into you, only to make a move and kiss him just as we’re about to face off with a super-powerful ghost who wants to end us all.”

Alex huffs out a laugh. “Thanks.”

“Alex and Willie kissed?” Flynn yelps. “Finally!”

“That’s what I’m saying!” Reggie exclaims, grinning at her.

Alex ignores them, glancing back at the entrance where he last saw Willie and resisting the urge to touch his lips. He does not want to deal with his friends’ reactions if they were to see him do that.

Julie meets his gaze and smiles, small and soft. “I’m really happy for you, Alex,” she says. “You and Willie, you deserve everything you want.”

Alex lets out a slow breath. Because that’s just it, isn’t it? He wants so much with Willie. He wants to kiss him again. He wants to take him out on dates. He wants to hug him in front of all their friends and listen to them tease them relentlessly. He wants to tell him he loves him. He wants Willie, with him, by his side, safe and sound.

All of that is so close, almost within reach. If they are able to deal with Caleb and all goes well, after today Willie won’t have to worry about him ever again. Alex wants that so desperately he is terrified. Being hopeful – being allowed to be hopeful, being given hope – he realizes, might be the scariest thing of all.

He is so scared. He has so much to lose.

They are so close to being rid of Caleb for good. He doesn’t think he will be able to take it if this goes wrong.

He knows the others feel it too. Flynn and Reggie have reconvened to a corner to talk in hushed voices, too quiet for him to hear, but Luke isn’t moving, only twisting the rings on his fingers with an intensity he probably isn’t aware of, jaw set and gaze stuck to the floor. And Julie – Julie is next to him still, her small smile still in place despite the worry clouding her eyes.

“Yeah,” he says, voice rough and a beat too late. “Thanks.”

She nods, lips pressing together, and bumps their shoulders together softly. Actually bumps them, not slipping through him, and Alex feels some of his nerves relax just a fraction. Facing Caleb seems just the little bit more surmountable with the knowledge that Julie truly is by his side.

“Alright,” Julie says after a minute, her voice ringing clearly in the heavy silence. “Band circle.”

Her words seem to rouse them from the tense atmosphere and they all get to their feet, meeting next to the coffee table where Caleb’s sphere is still hovering. Flynn hangs back, hesitating, but Reggie gestures for her to follow and she does.

“Okay,” Julie says, looking between all of them. “We got this.”

She extends her hands; Alex, standing to her left, takes one immediately, seeing Flynn do the same on her other side. They all follow through, the five of them joining hands – Flynn rests her right hand palm down over Luke’s left, palm up – and for a moment they just breathe.

“We got this,” Luke repeats.

There isn’t much else to say. They all know the plan, risky and hastily made as it may be, and Willie left a few minutes ago already so Caleb should be here any moment. Alex feels nervous; he wants to ask if they are nervous too, but he thinks that probably won’t help.

“We’re going to be okay,” Luke adds, so maybe Alex didn’t need to say it after all. “We’re all going to be okay.”

“Including Willie,” Julie says, catching Alex’s eye.

“Yeah,” Reggie says. “We’re not giving up until we’re all safe.”

Alex nods, takes a deep breath. There still isn’t much to say. There isn’t anything left to say, really, except: “I love you guys.”

Reggie’s hand tightens around his. Julie offers him a taut smile. The anticipation hangs heavily in the air around them, like a weight over Alex’s chest, and he takes a deep breath. There is nothing else to do but wait, and he thinks to himself, as he releases his breath, that he is glad these are the people he’s facing this with.

With a final squeeze, Julie lets go of their hands, and everyone follows suit again.

“Flynn,” Luke says then, “if you want to go, you should go now. Caleb won’t be long.”

Flynn’s eyes shoot over to him. She looks stunned.

“Why would I go?”

“You’re the only one Caleb doesn’t know about,” Luke explains, which, shit, he’s right, Alex hadn’t even thought of that. “If you want to keep it that way, if you want to stay safe –”

“I’m staying here,” Flynn interrupts. “With you guys. We’re a team, right?”

Luke smiles, almost despite himself. “We’re a team.”

And then there is a whooshing sound behind them, and when Alex turns around Nick is standing there, in their studio, his gaze cold as he takes in the scene before him.

Alex’s eyes seek out Willie immediately, and to his relief he finds him there, standing behind Nick looking berated; he still manages a strained smile when their eyes meet, though, and Alex feels something like courage thrum through his veins.

The relief doesn’t last long, however, when he turns his gaze back to the primary threat in the room.

Nick stands in the middle of the room, smiling pleasantly at them, but the expression marring his face doesn’t look like his own – because it’s not, obviously. Now that Alex knows the truth, it’s easy to recognize Caleb’s coldness in his eyes as they rove over the group, and the edge of his mouth curls unpleasantly when they land on Julie.

On instinct, Alex moves to stand in front of her, feeling more than seeing Luke and Reggie do the same. Julie lays a placating hand on his arm, though, and raises her head to meet Nick’s gaze head on.

“Hi, Caleb,” she says, her voice only wavering a little.

Caleb’s smile deepens, splitting Nick’s face even more unnaturally than before.

“Hello, Julie. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Alex sees Luke’s grip on Julie’s hand tighten.

“So,” Caleb continues after a moment, and Alex has to stop himself from flinching at that single word, “William here tells me you have something for me.”

With a start Alex’s eyes dart to the coffee table, where the purple orb would be in plain sight, only to find it missing. He has time to panic for a split-second that Caleb somehow found a way to get his hands on it already and that they’re doomed, before Flynn catches his eye and subtly taps her jacket pocket. Alex exhales shakily, the wave of relief he feels almost knocking him a step back.

Once again, though, it’s short-lived.

“Well?” Caleb asks.

Alex watches as Julie swallows, visibly steeling herself before she takes a step forward.

“We’d like to make a deal.”

One of Caleb-Nick’s eyebrows arches up slightly, and he takes a step forward of his own. Watching him get closer to Julie makes Alex want to run for the hills will all his friends in tow, and based on the look on her face Julie feels the same way, but she stands her ground.

“Is that so?”

Julie shoots a glance at Flynn, who nods and puts a hand in her pocket, drawing it back slowly with her fingers curled around the purple little ball. Reggie takes a minute step closer to her, while Caleb-Nick’s expression goes slack, his eyes widening. He starts towards Flynn, but Alex, Luke and Julie move as if one, stepping in front of her and blocking his way, Julie throwing her arms out protectively.

All of this takes place in the space of a second, and Caleb recovers quickly, smoothing Nick’s expression into a blank canvas at odds with the cold fury in his eyes. But that second was enough – it was enough for Caleb’s countenance to falter, for him to give away that this innocuous little purple ball meant something to him, and that with it they just might have enough bargaining power to make it through this unscathed.

“So,” Luke says haltingly, sounding for all accounts and purposes like he is completely sure of himself if not for the flicker of a tremor in his voice, “this is important to you, then.”

“How did you kids get your hands on this?”

Caleb starts to turn to Willie, but Luke speaks up again before he gets around to fully looking at him.

“You know, if you want to keep your things hidden you might want to not leave them out in the open for a couple of ghosts to stumble upon when they’re snooping through your dressing room,” he says, still all bravado, and Julie shoots him a look as if to tell him to thread more carefully.

“Do you kids have any idea what you are holding onto there?”

“We know it’s the source of your power,” Alex says, surprising even himself when he hears the sound of his own voice speaking up. Willie materializes next to Alex, and his hand finds his, latching onto it and holding on for dear life. Caleb’s eyes linger on their hands and his lip curls menacingly, but Willie doesn’t let go. Alex doesn’t either. “We know that all your magic is concentrated in it, and that the longer we hold on to it the weaker you will become. We know that if we were to destroy it, you would lose everything.” They don’t actually know how to destroy it, but Caleb doesn’t need to know that.

Caleb’s expression is unwavering, and he looks almost bored. But he has also gone very, very still, and it occurs to Alex suddenly that a Caleb with something to lose might be a deadlier Caleb than they’ve ever known.

“Listen, now –” he starts.

“We’re not actually planning on doing that,” Alex interrupts.

“We don’t want to fight you,” Julie continues. “We’re not interested in using it in a power play against you. We’re willing to hand it over to you right here, right now.”

Alex knows she is scared – they are all scared – but there is no trace of it right now as she speaks. She sounds certain, grounded. And Caleb is listening. She was right, then, Alex realizes – for the first time since this mess started, they have the upper hand. They have something Caleb wants, and he is willing to hear them out if there is a chance he can get it without a fight.

“All we ask for in return is that you release Nick and that you leave us alone, forever. That includes the five of us here, and Willie.”

Caleb’s eyes settle onto Willie, cold and utterly furious, and Alex tightens his hold on Willie’s hand.

Caleb’s voice is all but pleasant, though, when he speaks, factual and almost unconcerned.

“Well, unfortunately there might be an issue with William’s case. With our current arrangement, ‘leaving him alone’ is quite literally impossible. He signed his soul off to me. Simply put, I own him.”

“So release him,” Flynn says fiercely. It’s the first time she has spoken in Caleb’s presence, and his eyes flash dangerously as they whip to her, his mask of calm slipping when they land on the girl holding the source of his power. Her stares icily at her, and she shudders, but she doesn’t back down. “Give him his soul back. Set him free.”

Caleb shakes his head, a condescending smile on his lips. “It is not that simple. The soul business is tricky. His is currently bound to me, and unbinding it will take effort.”

“Figure it out,” Alex snaps. Willie’s hand tightens around his briefly, like a spasm, and Alex strokes his thumb across the back of his knuckles soothingly.

“No Willie, no strange purple ball for you,” Reggie chimes in.

For a beat, no one says anything, and Alex waits with bated breath for someone to break. The moment feels suspended in time; he doesn’t think anyone is even moving. All he can do is keep a hold on Willie’s hand, eyes on Caleb as he waits for his next move.

“You release Nick,” Julie reiterates after a long pause. “You release Willie. And you stop going after everyone standing in this room, for good.”

“That includes possessing people to get close to us,” Luke adds, and oh, Alex hadn’t even thought of that. “We’re talking friends, families, classmates. They’re all off-limits.”

“You swear to leave all of us alone,” Julie says. “And we hand your strange purple ball back to you right now.”

Alex has his eyes on Caleb’s face, terrified that if he looks away Caleb will choose that moment to strike. But Caleb doesn’t move, his face impassive as he keeps looking at Julie. Alex feels Willie’s fingers tighten around his.

Then Caleb’s stance relaxes, and he smiles.

“You drive a hard bargain, miss Molina.”

“Not that hard,” Julie says haltingly. “You get your power, and in exchange you leave seven people out of your reign of terror.”

A beat, then:

“We have a deal.”

Julie stumbles. “We – we do?”

Caleb’s eyes glint dangerously, and Alex holds no illusions that he is happy with this outcome. But he tips his head forward, a gesture that looks far too formal on Nick’s teenage body, and takes a step back.

“We do.”

Alex feels himself exhale a shaky breath, hit with a wave of relief so strong he feels lightheaded.

It worked. It actually worked.

“Wait,” Willie starts, letting go of Alex’s hand, “aren’t you supposed to –”

Whatever he was going to say, it is lost in the sudden commotion that follows; Caleb-Nick takes a step back, arms ahead of him as if to brace himself, opens his mouth, and with a shudder, seems to exhale some kind of purple smoke. Alex feels himself take a step back. The smoke thickens, obscuring Nick from view, and when it clears, Nick is on the ground, his eyes closed, and Caleb – real-Caleb, the Caleb Alex met at the Hollywood Ghost Club – stands above him, looking so menacing Alex flinches back.

“Nick!” Julie yelps.

She moves as if to go to him, only to be held back by Luke bracing a hand on her shoulder. He jerks his head in Caleb’s direction, and she follows his gaze, her eyes widening and her posture stiffening as she meets the ghost’s gaze head on. Right, Julie and Flynn can see Caleb, then. That’s good. That’ll make things easier, considering Alex’s nerves are already so fried he doesn’t think he would be able to handle helping them navigate this situation blindly on top of everything else.

“What happened to him?” Julie asks, her voice wavering.

“He was possessed,” Caleb says with a dismissive wave of the hand. “It takes a toll on the body. He will be fine.” Julie looks like she wants to argue, but Caleb’s gaze shifts away from her and onto Flynn. “Now, about our exchange.”

“Wait,” Julie says, “how do we know Nick is going to be okay?”

Caleb’s face twists in annoyance, and Alex wants to tell her to be careful, but before he can get a word out Caleb lunges.

He makes a grab for Flynn, who shrieks and backs away, her grip loosening on the ball in her fright. Reggie makes to push her behind him, but his arm goes right through her, and all he does is put himself in Caleb’s path. Alex feels his heart jump to his throat as he jerks towards Reggie, and then it’s chaos.

It all happens fast; one second the room was standing in stilted shock as Caleb made his move, the next everyone is yelling and scrambling for each other. Alex’s mind goes blank with white-hot terror as he tumbles toward Reggie and Flynn, unable to focus on anything beyond getting to them before Caleb does. Someone is yelling his name – he thinks it might be Willie – and he trips over his own feet and everyone is running and his eyes land on Julie, Julie who – his heart drops.

In the midst of the commotion, Julie somehow finds herself right in front of Caleb. She’s all alone, backed into the piano, and Alex distantly feels himself freeze, his body catching up to his terror-addled mind and unable to do anything but process the scene in front of him. Julie stumbles backwards; Flynn is screaming and Luke is running to her and Julie’s face is twisted in fear as her back hits the piano. Caleb looms closer and Luke isn’t going to get to her in time and Alex is just remembering how to unlock his limbs and jerk forwards when Caleb draws an arm out, reaching for her -

-and then, suddenly, falters.

Caleb takes a step back, an uncomfortable look on his face. Luke appears at Julie’s side, looking ready to strike Caleb himself, and Alex barely has time to feel extra terrified for what will happen to both his friends on top of the general terror he already feels for all of them when he feels something grip his arm. It’s Willie, one hand clenching his arm urgently as he bursts out:

“The flowers! Julie, you – the flowers, use the flowers!”

“What are you – what are you talking about?” Alex says, his words jumbled.

“The flowers!” Julie is still staring at Caleb in terror and confusion, and Willie seems to realize she isn’t reacting to his words when his grip on Alex turns painful in its desperation. “Tell her to use the flowers!”

“Julie, use the flowers!” Alex yells, too spurred on by the urgency in Willie’s voice to properly think through his words. “Use the flowers!”

“What?”

“The flowers behind you!” Reggie yelps, pointing to the piano she is crowded against.

Looking bewildered, Julie turns and grabs the bouquet of dahlias sitting innocuously atop the piano. “Now what?” she asks, staring warily at Caleb over Luke’s shoulder, Luke having stepped in front of her when she had her back turned.

Caleb advances on her then, too fast for Luke to react, and Alex can only watch with Flynn’s scream ringing in his ears as he shoves the boy to the side. Julie shrieks as Caleb gets closer to her and she flings the dahlias in his direction. It’s more of a knee-jerk reaction than a thought-out plan, Alex can tell, and predictably the bouquet flies straight through Caleb – but then Caleb falters again, stepping back, and Alex watches in dazed awe as he almost seems to flicker.

Everyone stands frozen, unsure what just happened or how to react, except for Willie who springs into action. One moment he is holding onto Alex, the next he has poofed to pick up the flowers, flashing over to Julie and shoving them back in her hands before anyone has a chance to recover. She takes them, looking dumbfounded.

“Willie?” she calls. “What is this?”

Caleb regains his composure then, standing up straighter and looking thunderous, although he doesn’t attempt to get closer. Julie straightens up herself, brandishing the bouquet of dahlias in his direction in a way Alex might find absurd if not for the wariness in Caleb’s face as he eyes her.

“What is this?” Julie repeats, addressing Caleb this time. “Why is this affecting you?”

Caleb regards her, and for a beat the moment stretches out, all the previous agitation gone into a tension that hangs heavily in the air.

Then Caleb’s entire stance relaxes. Alex and everyone else in the room is very much aware that it’s all for show, but outwardly at least, Caleb leans back, eyeing Julie and her dahlias appraisingly, and nods.

“Very well,” he says. “What were the terms of the deal? I release the Danforth-Evans boy and William here, and in exchange you hand me my power back?”

Julie shifts uncertainly, thrown by the sudden turn of events; Alex moves to stand at her side, and adds: “And you leave us alone from here on out. Those are the terms.”

Caleb glowers at him, but his smile stays in place. “Fine. You have yourselves a deal.”

Luke scoffs, and Julie raises a skeptical eyebrow, not looking impressed. “Do we?” she asks. “Because you just tried to attack us not a minute ago.”

Caleb waves her away impatiently. “The deal hasn’t been set. You can’t blame me for attempting to take back what is mine when I saw a chance.”

Alex thinks that they actually very much can blame him for that, but he doesn’t get the chance to say so. Firstly because he is still very much terrified of Caleb and what would happen if he did, and secondly because Julie gets stuck on another part of what Caleb said.

“What do you mean, the deal hasn’t been set? We agreed on the terms, what else do you need?”

“You’re supposed to shake on it,” Willie calls out, his voice ragged. “That’s what seals the deal.”

Caleb sends him a withering look, and Alex really, really hope Willie will be out of the ghost’s reach by the end of this.

“William is right,” is all Caleb says. “We need to shake hands for the deal to be set.”

Set in what? Alex wonders. But it doesn’t seem to matter, because Caleb approaches Julie – differently than he did before, with a sort of wariness to him; maybe even a hint of respect.

Whatever it is, it seems to be pushing him to take this deal – to take them – seriously, so Alex decides not to question it just yet. He’ll wait for them to be in the clear for it.

Julie seems to be of the same mind, because she steps forward as well, albeit slower. She still doesn’t trust that Caleb isn’t about to pull one over them, which, fair. Alex isn’t convinced of it either.

But she extends a hand nonetheless, and Alex watches, holding his breath, as Caleb reaches out, his hand very much solid as it clasps Julie’s and shakes it slowly.

“It’s a deal,” Caleb says. “You and your friends in this room are free from my reach.”

Julie swallows. “Good.”

She pulls her hand away and steps back, briefly looking around the room as if to check that all of them are still there, still safe. Alex is struck by the weight of this moment. After everything, after all the pain and the terror, the nightmare is over. They’re free.

“Now,” Caleb says, and Julie refocuses on him. “Our exchange?”

Julie glances back at Flynn, who has moved to stand behind her; a nod, and Flynn reaches inside her pocket and retrieves the purple ball, placing it carefully in Julie’s hand. Julie’s fingers claps it tightly and she turns back to Caleb, who extends a hand expectantly.

Julie hesitates.

Caleb clicks his tongue. “We have a deal, miss Molina.”

“How are we supposed to trust that you’re not going to try and break the terms of our deal again the first chance you get?” she points out, her voice wavering.

Alex expects a furious response, but all Caleb does is wave a hand – the hand that isn’t still extended towards Julie – impatiently.

Nothing happens for a beat, then –

Willie gasps.

“Willie?” Alex is by his side in an instant, hands gripping his shoulders anxiously. “Willie, what is it?”

But Willie isn’t looking at him. Instead his hand clutches at his chest, an expression of wonder across his face.

“My – my soul,” he whispers. “It’s mine. It’s mine.”

Alex’s heart skips a beat when his words register. Willie meets his gaze, tears in his eyes, and something settles in Alex’s chest, something heavy and solid that has him clutching onto Willie more tightly than he thinks he ever has. Right now, nothing matters expect for the look on Willie’s face.

“Alex?” It’s Flynn, sounding fearful. “Alex, what’s wrong with Willie?”

“He’s… he’s…” The words get caught in his throat, and Alex can’t speak. He can barely breathe, staring at Willie in wonder. His hand comes to stroke his face, awed. He’s free. Willie is free. After all this time, he is out of Caleb’s grip.

He whips back towards Caleb. “Is this for good? Or is it temporary?”

“It’s for good,” Caleb answers, not looking entirely pleased about it. “William’s soul is no longer tied to the Hollywood Ghost Club.”

All they have is his word, but right now, seeing the look of pure joy in Willie’s eyes, Alex is inclined to believe it. He grips Willie’s hand, and Willie squeezes back just as hard, smiling tearfully at him.

“Willie’s free?” Flynn asks, her voice trembling a little.

“He is,” Caleb confirms. Alex feels so overwhelmed he could collapse, but Caleb’s presence still has him too keyed up to truly give in to the feeling. “Now, miss Molina,” Caleb adds, a sharp edge to his voice.

Julie nods, still a little shaky, but she makes herself stand tall, meeting Caleb’s gaze, and slowly lowers the purple ball in his open palm.

“You leave us alone from now on,” she reiterates.

“Those are the terms,” Caleb agrees.

Julie nods, and lets go.

Immediately Caleb stashes it into an inner pocket of his coat, out of their reach. Alex feels the tension in the room hike up more than a few notches – either the deal will hold now, or, with nothing to lose, Caleb will strike.

Caleb slowly draws his hand out of his jacket.

“I may have underestimated you, miss Molina,” he says levelly.

Julie looks away from him for a moment, taking in the other people in the room. Luke at her side, Flynn and Reggie just a step behind her, Alex and Willie to her left still holding onto each other.

“It was a team effort,” she says.

Caleb nods, looking deep in thought. Then, with a parting tip of his hat, he disappears in a bright flash of light, and he’s gone.

*

It’s like Caleb’s departure took all the stress and tension with it. At once the six of them collapse, the wave of relief hitting them so hard it doesn’t seem real. Alex feels light-headed with it; he never let go of Willie, and he takes the opportunity to pull him in a bone-crushing hug.

“It’s over,” he whispers. “It’s over, you’re free –”

“Alex,” Willie chokes out. He is crying, hands coming up to frame his face. He is the most beautiful person Alex has ever seen.

Alex presses a bruising kiss to his temple. Willie just hugs him tighter.

It takes him a second to be able to look beyond the bubble of him and Willie, and when he does, it’s to find his friends in a similar state.

“Willie,” Flynn says. “Is Willie okay?”

“I’m okay.”

“He’s okay,” Reggie repeats, and Flynn sags in relief, her hold on Julie tightening to the point Alex sees the other girl wince. She doesn’t tell her to let go though, just brings her free hand to clutch at her best friend’s arm and holds on. Her other she keeps in Luke’s, her thumb smoothing the back of his knuckles like she needs to feel him to ground herself.

Alex is much of the same; he holds onto Willie with all that he’s got, his gaze roaming over the room, over his friends.

I love you all, he thinks feverishly. I love you, I love you, I’m so glad you’re all okay, we’re okay, I love you.

None of them moves for a long time, long enough for Julie’s grip to slip through Luke’s hand and for Flynn’s gaze to become unfocused when she searches for them. It’s a low moan that eventually gets them to rise, one coming from outside their little group.

“Julie? Flynn?” Nick groans from across the room, painfully pulling himself up into a sitting position. “… Julie’s band?”

There is a short, stunned silence as they all look at each other, taking in what this means.

“Oh, shit,” Luke finally says, and yeah, that about covers it.

*

“So, I have some questions about what happened earlier,” Julie says that evening.

Flynn snorts. “Just some?”

It’s been an exhausting day. Just the showdown with Caleb would have been enough to knock Alex out for a week – several weeks – but they’ve spent the last couple of hours bringing Nick up to speed, and dredging up their history with Caleb has been draining. And now there is the whole of the possession’s side-effects to wade through. Nick has been a surprisingly good sport about it all, but even Willie isn’t sure whether his seeing of ghosts is permanent or not, and Nick is very visibly shaken about the whole thing.

Nick has just left, though, eager to go back to the familiarity of his home and to see his dads – although Alex will be very surprised if he makes it through the night without taking Julie or Flynn up on their promise to only be one call away should he ever need to talk through this more, whether that be more explanations on ghosts or demons from his ordeal. It’s probably going to take him a long time to recover from this. Alex feels for him.

Now that he is gone, though, they can focus on everything else that happened today.

“What happened, exactly?” Julie asks. “With the flowers? How did you know that would work?”

Willie shifts, only minutely, but he’s so close Alex still feels it. That’s another thing that is taking a toll: what with, well, everything, Alex and Willie haven’t gotten a minute alone to talk yet, and it is slowly but surely chipping away at Alex’s sanity. Willie’s arm tightly pressed against his on the couch right now is helping, though.

“I didn’t know for sure,” Willie says. “I just hoped it would.” He pauses, leans against Alex a little more. Alex does his best to focus on his words and not just the timbre of his voice. “There have been some cases where, in the right hands, specific flowers can act as protection against vengeful spirits.”

“The right hands?”

“You know. People who can wield magic.”

Julie stares, dumbfounded, when she hears. “But I don’t have magic.”

Flynn laughs outright at that. “Uh, hello? Ghost band that becomes visible when you play with them? That you summoned back to you from Caleb’s club?”

Julie shakes her head, still looking floored. “But that wasn’t me. That was the music.”

“The music we were playing with you,” Reggie points out.

“We weren’t playing music when you saved us from the jolts,” Luke adds, meaningfully.

Julie looks between all of them, and it’s then, when he sees the disbelief in her eyes, that it dawns on Alex that she doesn’t know what has become clear to all of them.

“You’re the reason Caleb wasn’t able to hold onto us that night, Julie,” he says softly. “Flynn is right. It was you who pulled us out of the club. You’re the one who saved us.”

Alex watches as the realization sinks in, as Julie’s eyes go misty and she brings a hand to rest heavily against her heart.

“And dahlias – dahlias are some of these flowers that can offer protection?” she asks, her voice rough.

She’s looking at Alex, and it’s with a start that Alex realizes she is asking Willie.

Willie just nods, like he can feel the weight of what this moment means for Julie – Julie, whose lower lip trembles when Alex nods in answer to her question.

“Dahlias were my mom’s favorite.”

Her voice is quiet, hushed, when she says it, and it almost sounds like a question. Alex wishes he had the answer for her, wishes that he knew what the connection is between them and her and her mom, wishes that he were solid right now so that he could give her a hug.

Flynn, thankfully, covers that part, and Julie’s eyes close as she holds onto her tightly.

“Maybe this was meant to be,” she says, still rubbing circles into Julie’s back. “Remember when we found that Sunset Curve t-shirt with your mother’s things? Maybe she’s the one who’s been saving you all along. First by sending you these guys –” she swings her head vaguely around the room then, looking fond, “– then by giving you the tools to fight evil ghosts. You know, should the need ever arise.”

“She must have been quite the visionary, to see this coming,” Julie says, her voice only shaking a little, and Alex sees Flynn hold onto her just that little bit tighter.

There is a lot to unpack there, but Luke seems to have caught another part of Flynn’s statement.

“Wait,” he says, grinning like this is the best news he has heard all week, “your mom had a Sunset Curve t-shirt?”

“Your mom was a fan?” Reggie adds excitedly. “Do you think she came to our shows? Do you think we met her?

Julie pulls away from the hug, her eyes still a little red even as she rolls them playfully at the both of them.

“Ugh, what now?” Flynn says, smiling. “Did they say something dumb again?”

“I resent that,” Reggie grins, and Alex watches them, his chest swelling with affection.

It took dying for them to get here, for him to find this family, and the thing is, overall he would say it was worth it. It still feels unfair in moments like these though, when Flynn can’t hear them and therefore doesn’t get the chance to shoot a comeback he’s sure she would find up her sleeve, and he’s forcibly reminded of how different their situations are. Namely, that she is alive and he is not.

But it really is worth it, though. Because as he looks around the room and sees them, the five people he loves the most in the world, he knows down to the core of himself that this was meant to be. He was meant to know these people, to love them, just like they were meant to know and love him. They were separated by decades, and still not time, distance or even death could stop them from meeting.

So, yeah. Flynn might be onto something.

They do try to get back on track sometime after that and figure out the ins and outs of what happened today, but the thing is, they’ve known from the start that they are dealing with a lot of unknowns.

“I don’t completely know what to make of it,” Willie admits, when they get back to dahlias and flowers and Julie’s potential powers. “I haven’t heard much about it, and Caleb was my go-to person for magic before all this, but…”

“That’s okay,” Alex hastens to say. “There’s no rush to figure this out. We’ve got time, now. That’s what matters.”

He watches as his words blanket the room, all of them reacting as it hits them. Willie reaches over and takes his hand, smiling delicately. They’ve got time.

*

Later, Alex finds Willie sitting atop the studio’s roof.

“Hey,” he says, appearing next to him.

Willie smiles brightly. “Hey,” he answers.

Alex shuffles to make himself comfortable, folding a leg under himself and letting the other dangle loosely over the edge of the roof. Next to him, Willie is swinging his legs absently, eyes lost in the distance. Alex nudges him softly, and he turns his head to look at him, face immediately breaking into a smile again.

“What are you thinking about?”

Willie covers his hand with his, lacing their fingers together, and doesn’t answer right away.

“Everything that happened today, I guess,” he says eventually. He looks at Alex, eyes crinkling slightly. “Hell of a day, hot dog.”

“Hell of a day,” Alex agrees. He squeezes Willie’s hand. “But we’re okay.”

Willie’s smile turns smaller, softer. “We’re okay.”

He looks like he is working himself up to say something, and Alex lets him, running his thumb over the back of Willie’s knuckles as he does. It’s kind of thrilling, being able to touch him like this, to hold his hand and know it means as much to Willie as it does to him, but it’s also just kind of nice. It’s nice to be able to have this after everything they went through to get there.

Finally Willie squeezes his hand back, and, eyes trained on the horizon again, says: “I know I’ve said it already, but I’m really sorry. For everything.”

“And I’ve said, you have nothing to apologize for.”

“I’ve caused you so much trouble.”

“Willie, look at me.” He does, and Alex meets his gaze, does his best to impart just how much he means his next words. “None of that was your fault, okay? None of it. Besides, it’s all in the past. It’s over now, and we’re okay. We’re all okay.”

Willie nods, and his smile is lopsided when he says, “I’m still sorry.”

“And there is still no need to be. We’re okay. You’re okay.” He smiles, bringing his free hand up to brush Willie’s cheek. “That’s all that matters.”

Willie smiles back and he says, softer, “I’m really glad we’re okay.”

Alex grins. “Me too.”

He lets his hand fall away from Willie’s face and leans back, basking in the setting sun and Willie’s presence at his side and the feeling of surviving another day. Willie does the same, and Alex sneaks a look at him. He looks happy, content in a way Alex hasn’t seen on him before. Free. It’s a good look on him.

“So,” Alex says after a few moments, his voice light. “Any great plans for what’s to come now that you have your soul back?”

Willie laughs, loud and inhibited. Alex loves it. He loves him.

“Honestly?” Willie says. “I’m just happy to be here with you.”

Alex’s cheeks flame up, and he groans. “That was so cheesy.” He can’t quite stop himself from smiling, though.

“It’s the truth,” Willie grins. “I feel… I feel like I could do anything. And I can. I don’t remember the last time I felt like this.”

And, well, how is Alex supposed to not grin back at that?

“And yet you’re happy to just sit here with me?” he teases.

“Well, yeah,” Willie says as if it is obvious, and damn it, Alex is blushing even harder now.

“Oh,” he says, quieter than he means to. Willie squeezes his hand.

“I’m not really used to having options,” he says after a moment. “But I think I want to stick around here for a bit.” He tilts his head to look at Alex, smiles. “You want to help me figure the next part out?”

And Alex can only smile back, fond. “Of course I do.”

And with that he leans in, cups Willie’s cheek, and kisses him. They’re both smiling into it, so much so that he isn’t sure it’s that much of a kiss at all, but it’s good nonetheless, because Willie brings a hand to hold his waist, and Willie holds onto their joined hands like they’re anchoring him to this moment, and Willie kisses him slow and soft and steady like they have all the time in the world, and they do, and Alex loves him.

“I love you,” he says – breathes, really – when they break apart.

Willie grins. “And I thought I was the cheesy one.”

“You are,” Alex says. “But I still love you.”

Willie leans in, drops another kiss onto his lips, beams brighter than Alex has ever seen when he pulls away. “I love you too.”

Alex nods, his heart beating wildly inside his chest. “That’s good,” he says, his voice jumping half an octave; he is pretty sure his face is beet red right now.

Willie laughs, fond and so, so in love, and wraps an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into his side. Alex sinks into him easily. “Yeah,” he agrees, his voice light. “It really is.”

[nico-nico-suavecito]

Trans Year of Gratitude

Despair mitigation in the face of unceasing tragedy - a reflection on the last year following the Club Q shooting.

One year ago on Trans Day of Remembrance, I was scheduled to speak at my friend’s church about the nonprofit I work for. I was going to talk about queer joy and trans youth and all the work the church has supported us in doing. Then, I was going to pick up my partner and we were going to drive to Phoenix to visit my chosen family there, with a stop in Santa Fe.

I woke up that morning to a deluge of text messages and notifications, asking me if I was okay. I couldn’t tell you which headline first crossed my vision that finally pieced it all together. Just the flash of words. Club Q. Shooting. Injured. Dead.

In the months before this, I’d been in a state of trans revelry. I was back on testosterone. I was experimenting with self-expression and letting myself be the alt boy I never got to be in high school. My friends and I were going out dancing each week. I’d just entered a T4T relationship and was head over heels in love. I’d just restarted the queer open mics in October after a covid hiatus and was excited for them to be a regular event again.

I still went to church that Sunday morning, for possibly the first time in years. I struggled to be present — I kept scouring social media for news, reading my friends statuses and comments. “Has anyone heard from…” “Can someone confirm if they’re safe…”

I still went up to speak. Through tears, I wondered at our holidays. Trans Day of Visibility. Trans Day of Remembrance. I felt so much rage, the kind of rage that is love at its fiercest. We deserve better holidays than this. We deserve trans days of joy, and love, and everything beyond survival.

When I sat back down in the pew, I opened my phone. I saw that Daniel, who had been to my house multiple times for hair cuts and parties and who I admired as an out and proud trans man in our community, was gone.

I broke down in the pews. As the congregation sung “We Are the Ones” by Sweet Honey in the Rock, I started to write a wishlist of everything I wanted for trans people instead of what we were given. I wished us everything from bleeding bigots to coffee in bed with those we love. That’s how trans day of i love you was written.

That day, as people were sharing my post to their story, I started collecting people’s additions to the poem because they gave me hope and gratitude.

On the way to Phoenix, my partner Brin and I cried, wondered at the future that was feeling ever more uncertain, and we sang at the top of our lungs with Say Anything - Alive! Alive! Alive with love!

That night, when we made love in a Santa Fe hostel, I felt a certain urgency. Life felt so precious, so fleeting. I wanted to devour her. I wanted to be swallowed up by beauty.

She woke up the next morning with a cough and chills. One positive covid test and a six hour drive later, and we were back in Colorado Springs.

Like last year, I am in my house today, quarantining because of covid. This time, it’s been near impossible to find a PCR test to confirm it. My rapid test was negative, as it often has been when I’ve had covid. Still, in trying to keep my community safe, I can’t go to any memorials. I’m writing this instead.

In the months following, I was often asked, in interviews, by allies, in loaded how are yous, about how things are for queer people in Colorado Springs in the aftermath of Club Q. Whether things were better now that Colorado Springs has double the rainbow flags on display than it once had.

I think people want to hear that things are better. Increased support for the queer community in the aftermath would help our human desire for life to have a narrative in which tragedy serves a greater purpose. But it doesn’t. People are dead who should not be dead. They should be here, living their lives, with countless moments of joy before them. People are alive and still suffering their wounds, both physical and mental, with insufficient support. The needs of survivors have been buried beneath greed. Queer- and transphobia continues to be alive and well.

I don’t go dancing without knowing the emergency exits. Hiring security is now an essential part of hosting queer open mic, and this precaution is also salt in the wound.

What I can also say is that this community is so strong. The queer people of Colorado Springs continue to organize, fight, and live with a vibrancy that inspires me every day. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Still, following Club Q, the world feels more uncertain than ever. It’s an uncertainty that’s been growing — long before Q, long before covid, long before Trump.

It’s hard to look at the shooting in a vacuum. After all, every piece of anti-trans legislation that was introduced this year feels like salt in the wound that Club Q tore open. How can anyone heal when every day there is a new headline about a new group of people who want to legislate against you and people like you.

These years have begged so many questions, questions that many people in this country have been asking for decades: What does America hold in store for us? This country that cares so little for all its people that it would feed them to the maw of capitalism, a hungry god that can never be satiated? A country that let us down to the tune of one million covid deaths and counting? A country that shows time and time again how little it cares for the most vulnerable, with every mass shooting, every piece of anti-trans legislation, every new covid case, every instance of police brutality against people of color, every gallon of petroleum that will push us over nature’s tipping point, every dollar funding the genocide of Palestinians?

Recently, a friend of mine posted on Facebook asking how anyone can feel any peace and joy in the world these days.

I’ve spent the majority of this year trying to figure that out after years of burnout that, despite the fact that I have so much to be thankful for, had embedded a deep exhaustion in me that left me often anhedonic and withdrawn from, not only the world, but myself as well. I worried that this exhaustion would mean the end of my life-long career in activism and organizing at best, and the ultimate succumbing to despair at worst.

I am a person prone to despair, and have been since I was a kid. Not just sadness, but despair — a helpless emotion, a sadness without hope. I’ve always taken the world very personally. The first time I met depression and suicidality were in middle school when I watched An Inconvenient Truth. This started a year-long spiral, during which I was convinced that human beings were parasites destroying this earth, and as a human being, there was no way I could logically justify my existence. Despair has accompanied me since, even when I eventually realized that people are capable of immense love and beauty, and that the real drain on this earth is capitalistic greed and fascism.

I want to share here what has helped me as the case for despair has only continued to grow, in the hopes that it may offer a way forward for those who, like me, struggle at times to get out of bed, and who feel like they are often at the precipice of being consumed by said despair. And, as with everything I write, this is also a series of reminders to myself, as knowledge doesn’t always equal practice. I have been in a very despair-forward place lately, so I am hoping I might course correct myself in writing this all out.

I believe the three prophylactics against paralyzing despair are gratitude, hope, and action. I believe them to be three sisters unified in a dance, their chalices held to the air in service of joy. When I speak of joy, I don’t speak of the mythology of capital-H-Happy. I don’t think there is such a destination. I think of joy as a tool of resistance. I think of it as that which fuels us forward, in even the darkest of times.

If I am to continue to be an engaged and active resistor against that which seeks to annihilate all of us - corporate greed, bigotry, fascism, I can't be overcome by despair, despite being very prone to despair, as I've been for as long as I can remember. In that way, joy serves a vital purpose in the revolution.

Gratitude is a muscle I am trying to work out every day. I think we owe it to this world, this world that continues to be so full of beauty, despite all of the terrible things that happen within it, to try and be grateful for what is here and good right now. These moments — my boyfriend bringing me coffee in bed, the bird stopping by my bird feeder, sitting on the dock of the lake by my house, every time I go out dancing at the gay bar and nothing bad happens — these moments feel more precious than ever. I try to savor them, despite the knowledge that 1. terrible things are happening or can happen at all times, and 2. these good moments are likely to become more and more scarce for all of us if fascism and climate change progress at the rate they are. If I become overcome by despair with this knowledge, the reserves of my hope go unfilled and I can’t be of service to this world. So, I have to be grateful. I have to savor what’s good.

Gratitude also provides the foundation of hope. Hope is an intentional choice, and not one made easily.

“People speak of hope as if it is this delicate, ephemeral thing made of whispers and spider webs. It’s not. Hope has dirt on her face, blood on her knuckles, the grit of cobblestones in her hair, and just spat out a tooth as she rises for another go.” — Tweet by Crowsfault

Without hope, there is nothing to fight for. There is nothing to build toward. We have to have a vision of what can be. So many forces seek to take imagination from us, but we have to be able to imagine the future we want to build, not just the systems we want to dismantle. Admittedly, my imagination isn’t what it used to be — chronic stress has weakened it, but the gratitude that I am present with helps rebuild my imagination of what could be.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends happy and safe. What if all trans people got to be happy and safe. What if we could live their lives without an ounce of fear. What if we got to dance with abandon, without thinking of the emergency exits.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends have access to gender affirming health care. What if all trans people had access to gender affirming health care. What if it was free, and easy to access. What if that was the case for all health care for everyone.

I am grateful when I get to be in nature and feel how I am part of it, how I am, in the words of Alan Watts, “the universe experiencing itself.” What if we all felt that way. What if we all realized we create ourselves in the forge of how we love the world around us.

I am grateful for the organizers, the activists, the changemakers, the artists. What if the world was guided by people like them, people who lead with such a fierce love?

When I feel overcome by dread, it is their words that buoy me. One poem I return to often is Ross Gay’s “Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude.” If I go outside and listen to it and watch the birds, and the clouds, and the people pass by, I can mainline enough hope into me that I can at least do what must be done. Work. Love the people I love. Create. Organize and advocate. If I’m lucky, there will be enough beautiful things that happen that day that I can find more gratitude and hope to keep me going.

Hope and gratitude would be empty platitudes without action, the truest triumph over despair. I think that we all have roles to play in this world inundated with pain. I think we as a community are in the process of learning the power of our voices. The ways that we can amplify gratitude, and hope, and action in all we do, all we share, all we write, all we create.

I have started to see it as a cycle. Act. Act until you must rest and remind yourself of a future you can hope toward to motivate you. If you can’t envision a future you can hope for, be intentional in being grateful for what is so that you can see what can be. If you need to be reminded of what is, seek and create moments in your life that kindle the flames of your gratitude.

I say all this, and still, there are some weeks I can barely leave my bed. I always try my best, but my best isn’t what it used to be. But I have to try and try and keep trying. And gratitude, hope, and action, however foolish and futile they might feel at times, are the best ways I’ve found to try right now, so that we might be able to continue to fight like hell for the people we love, both dead and alive.

P.S. A note for you, reader. I am grateful you’re here. What if the world had more people like you? What would be possible then?

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

Today was unexpected. I got three calls (all requests for outcalls): the first guy’s schedule didn’t line up with mine, the second guy I ended up seeing (more on that in a moment), and the third wanted bare services… 😑

Anyway, after a few hours of back and forth over text, guy number two sent his deposit, screening information, and address. We were supposed to meet at 8PM. Around 6:30PM, he changed our meet to 8:30PM which suited me fine because I was running late.

He mentioned that the elevator was keyed so I chose to wear a day dress with my Hermes inspired Oran sandals. I’d have worn heels but since he had to pick me up from the lobby, I didn’t want to draw to much attention to us.

I showed up to valet wearing a fake work badge that was affiliated with one of the large hospital networks in the city and carrying a portfolio envelope. The props were to help me look like I was there on business but I wasn’t fooling the valet. I don’t even know why I tried to pretend I was seeing a “business client”. Hotel staff has seen it all and they know a prostitute when they see one. From now on, I’m just going to straight up tell valet, “I’m here to see my client. 🤨”, and just stare them down.

Anyway, client came and got me from the lobby. He was surprisingly good-looking. He was in his thirties. I found out that he and some of his work colleagues were in town working with a corporate client.

We got to his room and he was not eager to get started and actually chatted with me for a while. He said he actually chose me because of my blog post (THE BLOG POST WINS AGAIN!). I actually seem to be getting mostly clients in tech because I mention having previously worked in tech in my blog post. Go fig…

Anyway, he’s kind of interesting. He’s into the lifestyle, ENM (ethical non-monogamy). He actually explained to me the difference between polyamory and ENM. He also talked about the swingers clubs in the city and he offered to take me to one next time he comes (the same club I researched for my polyam friend a few weeks ago). He knows the club well and even knows the club rules. He offered to take me next time he comes into town (hellz naw).

Anyway, sex wasn’t bad. He was actually pretty well endowed and very dominant. He was shy about choking me during sex at first but after he saw I was into it, he let loose. It was fabulous.

He finally came and I was relieved. He still had a little time on the clock so as to get an idea of whether or not he wanted me to leave or stay, I asked him, “Do you have anything you need to do?” He very, very politely beat around the bush and basically intimated (with his body language as well) that he wanted to be left alone. But instead of actually saying that, he clumsily told me I could stick around for a little while. I think he thought I genuinely wanted to stay and chill for a bit but more wrong he could not be.

I washed up, gathered my things, and happily went on my way. I inhaled some left over chicken tikka masala when I got home.

I want to do incalls all the time from now on. Not having to spend money on hotels is paradise.

[funkymbtifiction]

I finished my third re-write of my current novel (… it would go so much faster if I didn’t make twelve false starts every time because I have too many potential ideas, thanks Ne-dom brain), which means I don’t have much to “do” today. It’s the week after my heaviest work week, so I’ll be home. And there are little things to do, but… it’s on days like this when my sp/so 613 really becomes apparent. Down time is boring to me – I need projects, goals, something to work toward; a day after finishing a huge rewrite should be enough to launch back into the final edit, right???

What do normal non-136 people DO on their days off? (I usually clean house, write character profiles, stock up the queue, answer asks, write reviews, clean out my computer, get bored, get annoyed that none of my friends are online to chat, and then get angst-full.) I’ve been binge-watching New Amsterdam on Netflix after work, but if I watched that all day long, I’d feel like I was “wasting time.” I am jittery and impatient for the next step in my process, but also aware of being emotionally and mentally exhausted and needing to rest. Mentally, I know I need to take time away from my manuscript and return to it with fresh eyes, but I find that hard to do.

It reminds me of when I had my wisdom teeth out a couple of years ago, and my face swelled up like a chipmunk and I was in terrible pain, and I was pissed off because I had wanted to paint my bedroom while being on painkillers (because I knew I wouldn’t be able to write/think coherently, I scheduled something else “productive” to do that didn’t require concentration) – so I doped myself up and did it anyway as soon as I could move my head without pain. I just have so much “driven” energy that I don’t make a good “vacation” person. It’s fun for about four hours, and then I kick back into “well, what can I get done???” mode.

There’s something lousy about every tritype, and I’m only now fully realizing how driven mine is, and how it keeps me constantly productive and “on edge.” How hard it makes it for me to just … chill. Or even to put effort into things that don’t seem worthwhile. If it doesn’t work or succeed or generate interest, why do it?

[pbandjesse]

We made an offer on a house!! I am very excited. Also nervous. I'm trying to be chill about it. Because if it doesn't work out that just means it wasn't meant to be. But what if it was!! We just finished filling out the paperwork. Crazy. We could be settling by mid January. Crazy crazy crazy.

Today was a pretty good day! I slept alright. And felt pretty good when I woke up. I gave myself an extra 15 and took my time getting ready. James came and watched me put my jewelery on and they were being very sweet. They would leave a little before me and had a very cold ride to work.

It was very frosty out. When I left I was glad I wore my fleece hood. And that I had an extra fleece sweatshirt at work.

When I got in I would have my breakfast and check my email. I pulled up the two listings for the houses we were looking at tonight to try to sort out the layouts. And that's when I realized you had to walk through the bathrooms to get to the bedrooms. So bizarre. I was looking forward to seeing both places though.

I went up to the attic to start working on laying out my quilt and started to sew it together. Which always takes forever. And this one is much stranger in shapes so it's much hard to figure out how to lay everything out. But it was fun having something to do.

Around 9 I heard someone come in and it was Heather. But I didn't stop working until I heard someone else come in I didn't recognize. This turned out to be John, the consultant that is going to work with camp for the next year.

He is a really nice guy. And I'm excited to see what happens with his direction.

Alexi would come in soon and she told me that I should come meet them at the lodge at 945. Excellent. Can do. So I had some time to continue to sew and watch the video I was watching.

I texted Sarah to let her know we were to go over there at 945. Because she may have not been awake yet and she loves a half hour away. And she let me know she would meet me there.

Heather texted me pretty quickly to ask me to bring tissues over to the lodge. Can do. I bundled up and walked over there. Then back to see for a half hour.

When my alarm went off I bundled up again and walked across the crunchy, frosty grass to the meeting.

And I really enjoyed it. He talked a lot about "I get to" rather then "I have to" statements. Which I really appreciated. And we got to talk about the things we think camp does well and the things we think camp needs to improve. We were able to be really frank about it and it was a really good conversation.

Alexi had to go take a call but when she came back we got to get into goals and schedule and how we want to approach things moving forward. The limits of our time and focus. It feels nice to have some direction for how bored I've been this week and a half. This felt productive and good and like we are just improving camp all the time.

There was lots of writing on white boards and a PowerPoint presentation. And a plan for him to come back next month. I really hope we can implement his ideas because I love the plan and I want to see it happen.

We broke down the meeting area and started putting things away. I carried the white boards back to the office. I left pretty quickly mainly because I was hungry and wanted to eat lunch. I had a mug of water during the meeting and I had found a bag of marshmallows to snack on but I wanted real food.

When I got back to the office it smelled really strongly of WD-40. Because Joe had installed the new toilet seat!!! We finally have a lid! Incredible! So much better. I made sure to tell Joe how much I appreciated it because I had tried to do it myself but the nuts were incredibly rusty and I could not move them.

Lunch was great. Perfect leftovers. And when I was done eating I worked on some of the ideas and"homework" John had given us. I was to try to make a schedule for our counselor in training program. And so I worked on that and started playing with chatgbt to brainstorm some acronyms for the program.

It used to be called the CIT program. Counselors in training. Lit was floated. Leaders in training. TNT. Teens training teens. chatgbT suggested some interesting ones but nothing seemed right. Then Heather leaned out of her office and suggested "camp leaders in training". CLIT. Heather telling a dirty joke is the best Christmas gift.

I went upstairs to sew in the attic for a little longer. But at 330 it was time to go. I let Alexi know I was heading to Manor Mill and I would see her tomorrow. Goodbyes all around.

I drove the 6 minutes to Manor Mill and was the only one in the ceramics studio for a bit. I waxed my 5 final pieces and when I was finishing that up a mom and her son came in to glaze as well.

I had sat at the broken wheel by the wedging table so I could be out of the way if someone wanted to throw during the open studio. But even though the entire room was open, and there are 6 other seats. This mom decided to move a chair to the wedging table literally back to back with me and have her son glaze there??? That is not what that table is for?? It was just really rude and I had to keep maneuvering around them and it was just really really obnoxious.

But thankfully it didn't take long. I don't like dip glazing but man is it fast.

I left and thought I might beat James home. But they got home one minute before me because I had been stuck in traffic. Not an ideal drive home but it's fine.

When I got back here James was just jumping on to do the first half of their podcast. And so I unpacked some stuff and wrapped a few gifts and chilled on the couch until it was time to go see two more houses.

We left right on time. James was a little frazzled because they had left their notebook at work but they would get it in our way home so it was all good. And we got to the houses right on time.

I am glad we saw these houses but neither were for us. The first one on glover was really cute and had some interesting details. But it was a bizarre layout and was very small. Plus the steps were very very tall and there really wasnt a space for my studio. I liked it but it just wasn't right. We would out grow it to fast.

Next we walked to rose street. James thought they were going to like this one. But it just wasn't right either. You had to go through the bathrooms to get to the bedrooms. The layout felt wasted. The basement was finished which was great. But I just didn't love it. This wasn't right either.

So we had a meeting of the minds. The house we liked on Sunday had been pulled off the market but they were willing to hear our offer still. Nothing in guaranteed. But Harold thinks it is the best bang for our buck, a really nice street, puts us in walking distance to a lot of fun stuff, it's a good size that we can forward and change with, and has things we can update and change and play with. He seemed really excited for my renovation ideas and even has some contractors to recommend. Harold is great. Just a really good man. He told us his moral stuff with selling and never wanting someone to end up in something that will hurt them. Physically or financially. And in celebration he gave James crab cakes. He would send us the documents to sign within a few hours. We were really excited.

Since we were over there I asked James to take me to Mathews pizza. And we had our favorite pizza, the Thai pie, and discussed the house and changes and layouts and wishes and timelines. I feel really good and happy. And like even if this one doesn't work out, I still feel like we are finding good things in that neighborhood which is where I wanted to end up at the end of the day. I'm just feeling really positive.

We went to the musuem for James's notebook. And then right back home. We got back here at 8 and I would take a shower and get cozy. Sweetp and me are cuddling while James is finishing their podcast. I am looking forward to sleep.

I hope tomorrow is a good day. I hope you all sleep well and stay warm. Wish us luck with the house. Goodnight!

[junipersramblings]

An Aroace Perspective on the Problem of Playing "Hard To Get" (Vent post)

So, for those of you that don't know already, I'm an aroace cis female, and I'm a high schooler. Apparently, I'm also fairly good looking, but I don't really have any opinions on that and frankly don't give a shit about dressing to look nice unless it's because I want to.

As you can imagine, this is a great combination of traits /s

I'm putting the actual vent under the cut so if you don't want to read this you don't have to.

I've always thought the concept of playing "hard to get" was strange, even before I figured out that I'm Not Straight. My thoughts were always "why would you want someone who keeps asking you out after you say no? Wouldn't you want to date someone who just leaves you alone if you reject them?" and that remains my perspective today, knowing what I do about myself now.

As for why I'm making this post today? Well, I highly doubt he'll ever see this, as he doesn't know I have a tumblr, let alone my url, but if he ever does? Well, this one's for you (derogatory)

This all started near the end of Year 8 (I'm Year 10 now). We're in the same homegroup, and so we're stuck with each other for two hours a week, every week, until we graduate. We had an assembly and we were sitting in homegroup rows, the same way we always do. By pure chance, I ended up sitting next to him, and happened to overhear him talking with a couple of his friends about a girl he liked, until one of them saw me and said "dude she's right next to you".

His response to this was to ask me out to dinner. (Bear in mind, we're both barely fourteen at this point).

I said no, and he turned back to his friends, disappointed. One of them told him he "hadn't asked me out correctly". Nearly two whole years later, and I still don't know what that means. So he turned back, and he asked me out again. I don't even think he changed how he said it.

Shockingly, I said no.

After that, he asked me what my type was, and I said "uhhhh I dunno. Not you?", since I was still figuring out my sexuality at the time, and quite frankly had no fucking clue what my type was. He seemed disappointed again, but let it go, and that was it for a whole year.

Then at the end of Year 9, we were given the schedule for activities week, which was the final week of the year, and a way for everyone to relax. Everyone in Years 7, 8 and 9 would be split up into four roughly equal groups, and rotate through activities for the entire week. It was actually pretty fun tbh. We went to a water park and a swimming pool, and I ended up really enjoying myself.

But when we were given the schedules, I had the bad luck to be sitting next to the guy that this whole post is about. He asked me what my favourite colour out of the four options (red, blue, yellow and green, the usuals) was, and I said green, so he started talking about how we should both be in the green group, and it'd be like a date. At this point in time, we didn't even know if we could choose our groups (spoiler: no we could not). I completely ignored him, as by this point in time, I was pretty certain of my sexuality, and even if I was proved wrong, it wouldn't have been by him.

Once again, things were pretty chill for a while. A month or two ago, I overheard him talking to his friends about me again, and realised "oh great, he still likes me". Fun times.

Today was when everything went properly wrong though.

Him and his friends have developed this annoying habit of beating pretty much everyone, including the teacher, into homegroup, and locking the door once they're in, so I have to cut through the neighbouring room, which happens to be three of my closest friends' homegroup. (This isn't really necessary for the explanation, but two of these friends happen to be the ones mentioned in a minute)

So I walk in and unlock the door, my usual routine these days. In fact, I unlock, test if the mechanism that keeps it open is working, and prop the door open with the bin when it becomes clear that the mechanism is broken. While this is happening, the boy (who from now on will be referred to as Rat Man, since he kinda looks like one (but like the rats you see in new york sewers in animated films), and it's clearer than just referring to him as "the boy") and his friends are pretty much heckling me from the back of the class, telling me to be a rebel and lock the door, and then Rat Man calls out "DO IT FOR [FRIEND'S NAME]!" I stop and look at them, already pretty sure where this is going, and ask him what my friend has to do with any of this. He's not even in our homegroup for fuck's sake!

Our conversation goes pretty much like this:

Rat Man: You know, because there's a thing between you two, isn't there?

Me: What do you mean?

Rat Man: You're more than friends aren't you?

Me (to myself): Oh for fuck's sake.

Me (louder): There's nothing between us. [FRIEND] and I are just friends.

Rat Man and Co.: Sureeeeee

Me: We are!

Rat Man Sidekick 1: Oh he's just jealous.

Me: I can see that.

Sidekicks: OHHHHHHH

Sidekick 2: Wait, dude, if she's just friends with [FRIEND], then you have a chance!

Me (not missing a beat): No he doesn't.

Sidekicks: OHHHHHHHHHHH

And from there, they start suggesting anyone else I would go out with, starting with one of the other friends from the homegroup I cut through (who isn't even a boy, she's just not out to anyone except our friend group yet), then both of the sidekicks.

To absolutely nobody who has read this far's surprise, I said no to all of them, although I would happily be in a QPR with both of my friends that were mentioned.

The teacher's arrived now, and I get my name checked off on the role so I can go to the assembly about the snow trip that's coming up in a few months (big deal in Australia unsurprisingly).

After that finishes, there's about ten minutes of homegroup left, which I spend, in true Juniper style, writing a fic. (The Malevolent one!)

Afterwards, I confront Rat Man as we're walking to our next classes, none of which we share, thankfully, and tell him we need to talk. His friends respond to this by cheering and slapping him on the back because he's talking to me. They're mostly fairly stereotypical jocks, with the exception of Rat Man himself, who is one of the few people in our homegroup shorter than me (I'm 5'2) and wiry. Hence the rat comparison.

I don't even know how the conversation derailed so quickly, but in about a second, I'm being asked which of the three is the hottest, to which I respond with "None of you?" They insist I have to choose one, and I just shut up. They have to go a different direction to me, so I tell Rat Man we'll talk at lunch. I'm pretty sure I heard him shout "Love you!" as I was walking away, but I'm refusing to unpack that.

Lunch comes, and I eventually track him down, and ask him if he knows what aromantic and asexual mean. (Fuck you tumblr, aromantic is not spelt wrong)

I was prepared for a lot of different directions this could go, and so I'd made sure we were near a teacher if I needed the backup. What I wasn't expecting him to do was burst out laughing and nearly choke on his sandwich.

About thirty seconds later, once he's stopped almost fucking dying, and his friends have asked him what the fuck is wrong with him more than once, he manages to ask "Asexual? Isn't that what chickens are? You know, because they lay eggs?"

I'm starting to think he only passed Health and PE last year because he's good at sports and they count as one combined subject.

I explain what it actually means, and he goes "Oh, so you're rejecting me?"

Me: Yeah, for what, the second time today? Fifth time total?

One of his friends comes and pulls him away, and I'm already late for flute ensemble, so I go to where my friends are, we all have a mutual moment of "what the FUCK?" over what Rat Man thought being ace was, I eat my lunch, and go to flute ensemble.

Once that's over, I have Fashion Design, so I go to class and kind of just stare at the work I'm meant to do for half an hour, before the teacher asks me if I'm okay.

I ask if I can go to the wellbeing office, because I'm having a bad day.

I'd spent the entire lesson up to that point gradually feeling shittier and shittier about what had happened with Rat Man at lunch, since I REALLY hadn't wanted to come out to him, but it seemed like the only way I could maybe get him to leave me alone.

I don't even know if it worked.

I spoke to a teacher, they were really nice about it, and I'm feeling better now, but it still really fucked me up.

The thing about playing "hard to get" is it means that sometimes, some people just can't take a hint. They're so used to the idea of girls that mess around to find someone who will be loyal to them that they assume that's what everyone is doing, and then shit like this happens.

So yeah, fuck the whole idea of playing "hard to get". It's bullshit.

[yeehawbvby]

FAWY Minis | Ch. 1 (Seb POV)

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Notes: This one takes place during chapter 2 and 3 of FAWY.

I hope I did well with Seb's POV :') Kinda wanted to show that he’s a little bit of a perv lmao but, like, he’s chill. For now. Y’all know how it goes.

Enjoy and take care! x

Check it out on ao3!

Falling Away With You (main story)

Next

“C’mon, man! Lighten up!” Sam nudges me, Abby becoming collateral damage. Abby nudges me back towards Sam. A human fuckin’ metronome. “You can work laaater.”

“I really couldn’t just take one week off from this?” I groan, “My job is just as important as yours, dipshit. This module is due tomorrow morning.” I run a hand through my hair. “It’s not like the saloon is going anywhere. My income, on the other hand…”

The purple haired goblin pipes up, “You wouldn’t get to see me if you stayed home.” 

I lean down to her eye level. “Good,” I snarl. She giggles, and fights back by pushing me again. If only she knew I was serious.

As we descend down the steps in front of the community center, Sam and Abby fall into some of their usual banter. I fall back a little, pulling up my hood. My temple pings with a headache, and I shove my hands in my pockets, chipping at my nail polish from under the fabric. Mentally planning my work schedule for the long night ahead of me. Wishing I could light a cig... Don’t feel like dealing with Abby’s scolding, though.

We turn the corner, and I can vaguely see a small figure in the distance through the raindrops. I shrug it off, but Sam sure doesn’t.

"Hey,” he shouts, “is that the new farm girl?!”

I hear a feminine mumble as the person comes to a stop. Sam takes the opportunity to run ahead of Abby and I, off to greet her. 

“For fuck’s sake,” Abby mumbles under her breath. “Aren’t there enough bitches around here?”

“Ab.” I roll my eyes. “Don’t be a dick.”

“What? You don’t think it’s weird some girl just up-and-moved here of all places with her grandaddy’s money?” she harshly whispers back. “I can smell the privilege from here. She won’t last a month on that old farm.” 

I don’t bother answering. There’s no reasoning with her whole weird, “I’m not like other girls,” anti-feminist bullshit. 

Now that we’ve almost caught up, I can finally make out some of the new girl’s features… 

Huh.

Cute.

The conversation fades a bit as I inspect our new resident. She’s small. Just as small as Abby. Another chihuahua to look after… That big sweater takes up most of her body, though, making her look even tinier. Maybe even kinda innocent.  

I finally hear her talk, and without thinking, I respond, a small hum of approval escaping me. Nice voice, too… Fuck, wait. She wasn’t even talking to me. Goddamnit. Before I have time to get lost in thoughts of how fucking awkward I am, I notice her eyeing me back.

I tilt my head, trying not to look too amused by the blatant observation. By how flustered she gets, trying to figure out how to save herself.

Oh.

Oh, she’s really cute.

“Are you Robin’s son?” 

My brows quirk up a bit. I guess she’s met mom. I’m surprised that the woman hasn’t talked my ear off about this one yet.

Before I can answer the question, Abby cuts me off and clings onto me. Not this shit again. Every time we meet someone new, she gets protective over me. 

So annoying.

After she’s done being scolded by Sam, Abby starts toward the Stardrop. When I don’t budge, she slowly pulls herself off of my arm and makes her way down the road.

“Oh, shit, my bad!” I turn my attention back toward Sam as he struggles to speak. He’s still wrapped around the farmer. Pointing a finger at her. Fucking her with his eyes… Yoba. Go ahead buddy. Ask for her name before you ogle, at least. You’ve got this. “Sorry, uh…” Sigh. Nice attempt, Samson.

“(Y/n).”

“(Y/n)!” Sam parrots back. 

(Y/n)...

Cute.

Sam messes with (y/n)’s hair before detaching himself, catching up with Abby. 

(Y/n) watches Sam for a sec before looking at me. Then back at him. Then me. Then the ground, then Sam again, following alongside me as I begin the trek towards the other two. 

“He’s like a giant puppy,” I hear her mumble. Can’t help the grin of approval that curls up my lips before I respond. 

We settle into some small talk — surprisingly bearable small talk — and I steal some more peeks at her. Got caught. Shit. I look away, hoping I wasn’t too creepy about it.

The night goes on as usual. Sam and I play pool. Sam gets his ass beat at pool. Abby has a partner on the sidelines for once, but spends the whole time interrogating the poor thing. Seems to hold her own just fine, though, aside from the obvious anxiousness that slowly fades the more drunk she gets.

Eventually, (y/n) and I are alone again, and we manage to bond a bit. She lets it slip that she thinks I’m ~cool~. Not complaining about that. Not gonna let her live it down so easily, either… assuming we hang out again sometime. We’ll see. 

We go outside, because Abby, and I promptly light up a cigarette. Fucking finally. 

After making her way to the other side of me, (y/n) asks how I’m doin’. I, as kindly as I can through my annoyance, tell her I’m not keen on having that conversation. Don’t feel like explaining to someone I barely know that a short-term, hormonally driven crush on Ab back in grade school lead to her being a fucking creep long-term. 

She adorably salutes me, and slurs, “You got it, sir.”

…Sir?

Huh.

Hot.

I watch as she lazily falls into the brick wall and slides down the side of it onto the wet ground. Fuck it, I think, sitting down beside her. 

After a few moments, I feel (y/n)’s eyes on me again. 

I try to hide my smirk as I ask, “Can I help you?” 

I hear a small squeak escape her – must be a tic, or something… not the first time she’s squeaked tonight – and don’t bother hiding my grin this time around. I look her way, and her gaze is trained on my cig rather than me.

“C-can I try?” she asks meekly, grabby-handing underneath one of her oversized sleeves. 

“...No.” She pouts, leaning into her knees. Oh my god. I sigh, “Do you even smoke?”

“No…”

“Then why the fuck would you even think starting now?” I scold, taking another puff. 

I blow the smoke in her direction, and she coughs through her giggles. “Dude, what th’fuck!” she whines, swatting the air in front of her.

“Doesn’t feel so great, does it?” I pry. “You don’t wanna do this to your lungs. Trust me.”

“Then why do you do it?” A fair point. “Isn’t it kinda hypocritical to be all,” (y/n) lowers her voice, and tries to imitate me “You don’t wanna do this!” I start laughing at her, but she doesn’t seem to care. Too set on getting her point across. She raises her voice to its normal octave, continuing, “When you’re literally doing the exact thing y’don’t want me to–”

“Fine,” I snort, cutting her off. “You have a point.” She beams, and I hold up a finger to pause her. “Just gimme one good reason, and this cigarette’s all yours.” 

She eyes me up and down for a bit. Thinkin’ too hard for that tipsy lil’ brain of hers. Making me feel kinda giddy. I lean my cheek into my equipped hand, inspecting her, inspecting me. 

“You look, like…” she blushes a little, “ridiculously edgy and cool.” 

Oh my god. 

“...Final answer?”

She nods proudly in response. How the fuck can I say no to that?

“Fine, here.” I hand over the weapon, and she hesitates before putting her lips around it. When she finally finds the courage to breathe it in, she immediately starts coughing. Can’t help but laugh at it.

“Bro, that shit sucks!” she claims into her elbow, giving the cigarette back with her free arm. 

I take it back, and have another puff before putting the thing out on the ground. Through watery eyes and tiny coughs, (y/n) calls me a litter bug. 

I look around at the ground, riddled with cigarette butts from Pam and I.

She’s got a good point…

After her coughing fit dies down, we eventually start talking again, and find out we have more in common than I’d assumed. Neither of us are people-people. Both had rough school and social lives growing up. Had our own emo phases (I got teased by her for still being in mine). Etcetera. 

Oddly enough, this (h/c) goblin seems to get me better than my own friends do.

Don’t judge a book by its cover, or whatever the fuck, I guess.

Some more conversation and a few cigarettes later, she decides it’s her bed time. I almost don’t want her to go… almost offer to walk her home too, but that probably isn’t a good idea. I simply tell her to get home safe and head back into the Stardrop. 

When I get back in, mom gives me a weird wink and a smile. Yoba, I can sense her getting ready to set up (y/n) and I already... Abby, on the other hand, leaves without a word after flashing me a good stink eye. And Sam runs over to me, ready to interrogate. Ready to Sam all over me. We take our usual spots on the couches in the back, and I fill him in on the absolutely underwhelming time I had outside with (y/n). 

Well. I say it’s underwhelming, but in reality, I can’t get her off my fucking mind. Those nice legs, that shocking potty mouth, her adorable smile, her sparkly and curious eyes…

Fuck.

[lgcxhaeun]

— COACHING SESSION: EVENT 003

trigger warning: food skipping mention!

when you think of people who impacted you...who comes to mind?

training was supposed to be different. in haeun’s mind, training was focusing on skills and doing drills to become better idols. she didn’t know it would have workshops and evaluations that could make or break your path to stardom. she didn’t know that she would see people come and go in a blink of an eye, sometimes over something as little as using their phones. hell, she didn’t even know she would have access to her phone restricted to this degree.

her perception of trainee life was shattered. it was difficult and grueling at times although fun at its best. sometimes it would feel like she was going through a hell-week of sorts with how much stuff she needed to prepare and do. the worst part? she was still attending school.

the training schedule left her with little time for her studies. she would go straight to the entertainment building after practises. if the metro wasn’t packed or running behind schedule, she would use the extra bit of time before the start of practise to do some homework. the rest of the time would be spent within the walls of legacy where she didn’t have time for much else. it would be midnight when she left the building and nearing 1 am when she got home. she started going to bed at 3 am after trying to squeeze more time for studies. this resulted in her doing her homework during breaks. then during dinner.

soon haeun wasn’t taking care of herself anymore.

no one seemed to notice. most trainees seem to look dead in the face after some time. they’re tired and overworked. haeun just blended in with the rest. the one who did notice though? trainer hyesung.

trainer hyesung was strict when it came to his practise drills. that didn’t mean he lacked empathy. he did show them that he cared for their well being. he had the brotherly air to him. strict but caring. blunt but sweet. he had caught haeun swaying in the practise room, barely able to keep herself standing. she was dizzy and tired. her body felt weak. somehow, she felt nauseous despite the lack of anything in her system. it occurred to her that she should go to the vending machines for a snack but everything turned black.

when haeun awakes she’s resting on the couch in one of the training rooms with an ice pack on her forehead and snacks placed on the table next to her. she gets a blood rush from sitting up too fast and she groans.

“lay down,” hyesung says, handing her a bottle of chilled water. it wasn’t freezing but it was colder than room temperature. “drink slowly. then make sure you eat some of that food i got you. the sandwich should fill you up but only eat half. you don’t want to upset your stomach from eating too much at once.”

haeun just stares at him in disbelief and nods. there’s no point in arguing. it’s easy for her to piece together that she had fainted. her mother always said that if she doesn’t take a break, her body will take a break for her. she can guess her body finally gave out on her. she curses to herself as she drinks. she didn’t realise she was pushing her limits.

hyesung gives her some time to get her bearings. although he stares intently the whole time she’s feeding herself. the staring unnerves her but she knows better than to complain after hyesung took care of her so diligently. his eyes narrow. haeun could practically see the wheels turning in his head.

“why haven’t you been eating?” his tone is sharp and clipped. he’s disappointed in her. haeun could hear it in her voice. it makes her feel guilty. “don’t tell me it’s for a ridiculous reason.”

haeun sighs, “i keep forgetting.” hyseung doesn’t look convinced. “i swear! i was so focused on getting school work done that i just skipped my meals and—”

“are you out of your mind? you do not skip meals. your grades are not more important than your health!” haeun winces. she doesn’t like it when people raised their voice at her (or express disappointment). she’s too much of a people pleaser. other than making her wildly uncomfortable (read: anxious), it makes her want to cry. hyesung continues regardless.

“if you are struggling to balance training and school then you reduce one or the other. if you do not want to quit training then unfortunately you have to reduce your schooling. go part time. it will take longer but you won’t be sacrificing your health. there are proper channels to go about this, haeun, but starving yourself is not one of them.”

haeun feels like the size of an ant. her hands are shaking but she’s unsure if it’s from hyesung reprimanding her or her body’s reaction to the lack of nutrients. either way her eyes brim with tears and she has to fight back the sob when she speaks again. “it was an accident. i promise i wasn’t doing it on purpose.”

hyesung sighs. he knows. he knows haeun was an honest girl that never did things like this on purpose. even if she was, he believes that she was sorry. she didn’t mean to worry anyone. he believed her.

“just don’t do it again. i can’t always be there to catch you before you drop to the floor.”

haeun nods. hyesung leaves her shortly after that, telling her to rest up for at least twenty minutes before returning to practise. haeun makes sure to eat everything he had provided her. after the time had passed she was feeling better but she took it easy that day just in case. the first thing on her itinerary tomorrow was to drop a class or two. she wasn’t going to disappoint hyesung a second time.