#but Simon is breaking our heart right from the start isn't he?

[the-words-we-sung]

Thoughts and pictures - S3E1

So after digesting my first watch a little bit, I'm starting my rewatch of this season and I'll share a few thoughts and reactions (and screenshots) because I can't keep it all to myself 😱

I was happy that we dived directly into the (sort of) trial and confrontation between Wilhelm, Simon and August. I do wonder how much time passed between the speech and this scene though. It sets the tone for the entire season for Wilhelm: he's gonna be alone, with no support whatsoever from his parents. He enters the room alone, his parents arrive after him and his mother doesn't even look at him... Simon arrives with his mother and August with his stepdad. But Wilhelm has to deal with the situation alone (aka how to get incredibly mad at Kristina barely 5min into the season 😤)

Simon looks so pretty and so sad. (And how did Omar manage to look even younger this season??) He wants to be done with this whole thing. Also I checked but 1.2 millions kronor is not as much as I thought it would be (it's apparently around 107 000€, which is not bad, but I was expecting more)

I see what you did there Simon 😏 (Can someone gif this scene and put it in parallel with Wilhelm seeing Simon's room for the first time and saying "cozy" in season 1? :p)

The boys coming back to the meeting: very smooth. Nobody knows what you were doing. Nop. Not at all. (We can see Linda kinda smirking when Simon sits back whereas Kristina looks like she just ate a very sour lemon). Wilhelm arranging his hair and Simon smiling at him: they might be in the middle of an important meeting and at the Palace but they're still 2 teenage boys in love (and I love them for that 💜)

Rickard looked and sounded like such an idiot in the previous seasons that I didn't expect him to actually be competent! But I guess we were mostly seeing him through August's eyes... I know Rickard said he was the best lawyer in the country but I have to admit that I thought he was just bragging ^^' Also: August is such an asshole. Did he really need to rile up Wilhelm like that? He's got quite the confidence to attack him and tell him how he just fuck things up on his own, in front of everyone like that, including the queen. Who, again, is not defending her son!! She tells them to shut up but she says nothing to August for talking like that to her son 😠

(They look like they've been called to the principal office). Kristina doesn't look at them immediately, she looks at Erik's picture on her desk first. Then she looks at August. And then finally at Wilhelm. She is so awful to him this season... Right from the start. And then she breaks down crying for Erik.

While Wilhelm holds her. I wasn't expecting to see her grieve so much this season. We didn't see that at all in season 2. Is it because she repressed all of her emotions too much? I hate that she breaks down like that just after Wilhelm publicly coming out. How can she not be there for him. I get that it must be hard to lose a son, but she still has a very alive one, who needs her.

Kristina is not getting redeemed in this season but Linda kinda is! I was super happy to see her get in mama bear's mode at the trial ^^ It was about time!! But here: I'm sorry Linda but it's not your son's role to keep you updated about what's going on in your house! You're the mother! Stop putting everything on this kid's shoulders!! Maybe he never tells you but do you ever ask??

Simon being truly angry at Sara is so good. I am so happy so he's able to feel that way and to not feel like he has to repress it, to forgive her, to help her. She did something truly bad and he's allowed to be mad. Also look at his angry lil' face 💜

In things that made me laugh: Wilhelm's reaction and face to learning that Simon is grounded all semester xD He was talking all smoothly/flirty and then his tone changes so dramatically when he realizes he won't be able to get his boyfriend in his bed very soon! Horny boy is horny (and frustrated :p)

This faaaaaace ☹

I'm happy to see that Simon still has Ayub and Rosh here to support him. I wish they would have told him that replying to comments online was a bad idea though. You know the saying kids: don't feed the trolls!!

Wilhelm looks like such a normal teenager when he gets back to his room. First time we see him so carefree. It breaks my heart to know that on the other side Simon is so unwell already.

Wilhelm waking up happy and smiling. And being just a teenager (for the first time in a very long time): thinking about his boyfriend, redrawing the heart on his hand. It's such teenager things!! My boy just wants to have a normal life... (And then he's immediately reminded that he's actually not just a regular teenager with Farima's text).

Simon's worried face when he asks about Wilhelm's initiation. You can see he's truly horrified at the idea that he might have gone through what's been described in the article.

And then it starts: the piling up of everything on Wilhelm's shoulders. First his mother looking really unwell and breaking down (even though she hasn't been said to be officially ill yet), and now the negative impact of his speech on the school... Which Vincent takes great pleasure in reminding him about.

This first episode is really good at setting things in motion. We see already the beginning of what's gonna go down during this season: Simon not feeling well, dealing with online hatred, struggling with his new place next to Wilhelm in the spotlight. And Wilhelm trying to finally live a carefree life at school with his boyfriend now that he's officially out but slowly getting crushed under the pressure of his role as Crown Prince and the increasingly obvious lack of support from his parents.

[lvlyghost]

Hello do you take requests cause I had this idea in my mind but I suck in writing

how bout a ghost x reader where he had a bad day and takes it out on his beloved reader who he's been in a really long relationship with, by starting an argument and maybe saying some really mean and bad things that break the reader. Like the reader is only a shell of herself and completely ruined by ghosts words and just crying or sitting completely still staring off the wall or just staring at nothing just being numb.

What would be interesting is Simons reaction when he realizes the damage that he's done, maybe he would cry/break down idk when he sees the usually happy reader being so dull and almost lifeless yk

But Pleasee don't do this to our hearts and write some comfort and a happy ending please I couldn't handle too much angst❤️😭

The Weight of the World

PAIRINGS: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!Reader

SUMMARY: You promised to always lean on each other but sometimes love isn't enough.

WORD COUNT: 1.5k

TW: heavy angst, literally got some mid anxiety writing this🥴 swearing, self-doubt, hurt-comfort and slight fluff towards the end. lmk if i missed any.

A/N: finished this in one sitting lol, also not proofread and poorly edited, i've been having a shitty week so expect more angst lol. meet me in therapy. Enjoy anon!🤍🌟🫶🏻💕

Masterlist✨

You hesitate right outside Simon's studio, the place where he secludes himself from everything and everyone. Ever since he came from his last mission he seemed to be on the edge constantly. The usual softness that he reserved specifically for you was... absent.

Still you wouldn't let that stop you from approaching; having dating him for a few years now let you know so much of that. You knew when he was hurting. When he was sad, angry, jealous or even happy. Little to no people could say that.

Somehow this was different. He wasn't even letting you in, constantly keeping you at arms length and that hurt. How were you supposed to get to him this time? Get him to talk to you?

To look at you again with that same glint in his eyes, the spark that you ignited in him and that won't fade away even years after.

The sound of a chair creaking startles you, the same time the timer in the kitchen goes off. You walk back, turning the oven off, and sticking out the apple pie you so happily baked for both with hopes that you'll get him loosen a bit that dark cloud that's been looming over Simon these past few days.

The door of his studio is yanked open the heavy stomp of his boots resonating across the small apartment you two share, then his bulky frame appears just to grab the keys to his black motorcycle.

"Simon!" You call him, burning your hand in the process. He stills halfway through the living room, waiting for you to say something else. Wetting a cloth hurriedly and wrapping it around the burnt skin.

"I made something for us... maybe," standing behind him you leave a reasonable space between the two. You swallow down hard. "Thought we could have it together and just, you know spend...-"

"I don't have time for that now." His voice is cold and monotone. "Don't wait for me."

"But Si-" he turns on his heels, eyes hard and unyielding. He approaches slowly, making you gulp. "What's gotten into you, Simon?" You fight back the tears, this was the man you loved so dearly, the man you knew loved you back; there was a reason for the golden engagement ring on your left hand. "I..-"

"Fucking hell would you stop that? Please just..." he notices the wetness in your eyes. "I can't do this. Not anymore."

"Whatever it is I promise we can work it out together!" your lips quivered. "Just talk to me!"

"I don't need to talk about anything girl!" He seethes, one finger pointing at you. "Think some cheap counseling with you will make things right? Bloody hell no. Neither some homemade bread, this isn't fucking working and it won't until you learn how the bloody world works."

It breaks your heart into a tiny million pieces, breathing becomes a challenge and the injury in your hand can no longer be felt. Simon's words were worse than any physical pain. Where was the man you loved? The man who used to lift you up and kiss you on the forehead? The man whose hands couldn't stop roaming your body late at night? The man who'd helped you reach out for things he probably put away in the highest shelf so you'd ask for help. That same man that had proposed to you no long ago, right before he was deployed to a special op God knows where. The fabric of his mask moves when he keeps talking but you don't listen. You can't. Just like you can't stop the tears dribbling down your cheeks and the tremble of your hands. Simon's jaw clenched, brows furrowed as he takes a step back and leaves.

You walk sluggishly to where the dessert awaits. It's when your knees buckle that you finally let out a loud cry.

-

Simon knows he isn't a good man. He's done quite questionable things that he could never say out loud. He knows he's fucked in so many ways. But he also knows that there's one thing that kept him from spiraling further down into an abyss of death and self-loathing.

You.

The woman he decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The girl that didn't care about his past, the bad moments and his complicated persona. You who would selflessly love him without asking for something in return. What had you seen in him in first place? Even now after three years he can't wrap his head around the fact that he has someone who waits for him.

Simon knows how much he loves you, but what he doesn't know is how—or in what earth—he deserves every part of you.

You've been avoiding him ever since that horrible night. Words he can't take back. Looks that haunt him every time he closed his eyes. He hears you cry when you go to sleep or when you're taking a shower. Muffled sobs and wails that will come for him until the day he dies.

You avoid him like a plague, when he walks in. After all he's the one to blame. He wanted to ask you to tear him apart maybe that'd feel less painful.

The last remaining of sanity that was left in him came crashing down when he began to notice how you stared off in a haze, numbly looking at the window. He was losing you. Destroyed the one good thing he had. So, a few days later, despite his own demons. Despite the things that broke him all irreparably during the last mission in Moscow, he comes to find you. Sucking in a sharp breath as his eyes set on your left hand.

The engagement ring was gone, forgotten someplace unknown. Simon felt the panic wrenching his guts.

It's all on him.

He whispers your name, calls you softly. Slowly sitting in front of you, the coffee table creaks under his weight. Words get caught in his throat.

"May I take your hand?" He pleads, not getting an answer. Simon sighs, lowering his head as silent reigns yet again. "I don't deserve you." He murmurs, eyes bored into the floor. "I... I ruin everything I touch. Just never thought I'd ruin my girl."

Your eyes flutter shut, wet tears clinging to your eyelashes. Simon watches as you stand and leave without a word, he follows close behind to your shared room.

"Love..."

"Don't call me that!" the hurt in your voice... the resentment in your eyes, he's earned it.

Simon reaches out for your arm, grabbing you firmly but gently, mindful not to harm you.

"Right I deserve that." If there's one thing Simon regrets it's being the reason that your eyes no longer shine. "What I said... what happened I...-"

Shaking your head and biting down your lip.

"You never gave me the chance, I thought we said we'd always find a way."

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry baby." in an instant he's pulling you close, although you want to push him away, scream at him, slap him for the calvary he made you go through. "I'm not good with words, and I'm no good person." You feel his body shaking with anxiety as your eyes widen in shock. "I tried... I can't forgive myself for my mistakes."

"Simon..." he hushed you, cradling your head with his big hand. "I can't sleep knowing I can't protect you from what's out there, couldn't bloody protect that kid in Moscow, or my family."

You guide him to the bed, sitting down side by side and holding onto each other.

"Said I would always be with you Simon, why the hell did you push me away?! Have I not given my everything to you? We promised to always make it work!" He grabs your face staring intently into your eyes. "What happened there?"

He blinks, deciding how much to say. There was no need for you to know the entirety of it. He wanted to shield you from the horrors of this world, and he would as long as he lived.

"A young lad whose life's was cut short because I wasn't there on time. How can I come back to you, be happy when someone else just lost their kid..."

"That wasn't on you! Simon Riley you stop that now." He inhales, cinnamon and vanilla flooding his senses. It's you all of you. "Stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. We do that together, yeah?" Your chest hurts from how hard it's beating. "You've done far so much. You won't lose me."

A rumble in the sky and cars passing by outside your home is all you hear. Brown eyes like honey stare back into your soul.

"You took it off..."

"I burnt my hand, it wasn't healing properly. And you know what?" He quirks a brow. "It wasn't homemade bread. It was an apple pie, you silly."

"You'll never forgive me for that one won't you?" He doesn't chuckle but the air feels lighter.

"No. Probably won't." Simon takes your burnt hand bringing it to his lips, they're soft against the marred skin.

"But we're still getting married, yeah?" He asks.

You smile fondly, humming when he kisses your forehead, tears have now dried.

"Yeah. We're still getting married."

[uselessroyals]

yr fanfic reccs - 1 year anniversary editions

I have only been in the fandom for a couple of months, but it's been so much fun, i love our little community and i love all the art and of course the fanfics. which i have read quite a lot of SO here is a little list of some of my favourites that i think people should definitely check out! All of these also exist in a google docs here, if that's easier to see. so, without further ado, i present, the list:

Oneshots

"let's start a revolution" by huojuvuus

G, 1k words, What if, Wilhelm admitted it was him in the video, Fluff

"eyes full of stars" by buttercupkisses

G, 3k words, What if, Erik surprises Wilhelm at the parent’s lunch and meets Simon, Fluff

"grin" by but_at_least_i_have_an_iced_coffee 

T, 2.1k words, What if, Erik fell into a coma instead of dying and now he's awake, but knows nothing about the sex scandal or Simon or Wilhelm's less-than-straightness, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

"Show me how (you care)" by orphan_account 

T, 3.1k words, Season 1, Retelling from Simon's pov, Introspection, Hurt/Comfort

"a baby heart attack, if you will" by paldogangsaan 

T, 9.7k words, Pre-canon, Wilhelm’s mother sets him up with a respectable rich girl who just happens to make a deal with Wilhelm to give the queen of Sweden a “non-lethal heart attack.” (For legal reasons, that is a joke), WLW/MLM solidarity, Fake Dating, Humor, Hurt/Comfort

"The worst things in life come free to us" by ageminiheart 

NR, Chose not to use warnings, 2.5k words, Season 1, Episode 5, Simon’s pov of Lucia night, Angst

“i wonder how you view me” by peonyseas

T, 3.1k words, Season 1, Episode 1 and 2, Simon’s pov of the events leading up to their first kiss, Fluff

“breathe in” by rainingover

T, 2.5k words, Season 1, The morning after, Simon and Wilhelm talk about how they got here, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort 

“she didn’t tell me to stop” by fishscalesky

M, 1.6k words, Season 1, Wilhelm struggles with self harm, Hurt/Comfort

"we could call it even" by loyaulte_me_lie 

T, 12.7k words, Post season 1, eight years after the fact, Simon and Wilhelm fall back into each other’s orbits, this time everything goes right, Angst, Fluff

"the revolution will not be televised (but it will be put on instagram)" by pissedofsandwich 

T, 17.9k words, Post season 1, Simon deals with the immediate aftermath of Wilhelm's denial, Felice and Wilhelm concoct a juvenile plan to get the invasive press off Simon's back, Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort

"worst kept secret in history" by toffeelemon 

G, 10k words, Post season 1, Wilhelm decides to say fuck what people think and fix his relationship with Simon, Fluff

"you're everything i have (and i don't think i've had enough)" by storyoftucks 

G, 2.1k words, Post season 1, Wilhelm bumps into Simon at a party and they finally get the chance to talk about them and their relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

"This Boy" by fandom_commitment_issues 

T, Underage, 10.3k words, Post season 1, Wilhelm comes home for Christmas and Kristina invites his friend from his old school over, Hurt/Comfort

"Let Me Go" by paspeurpasseul 

T, Chose not to use warnings, 2.6k words, Post season 1, Wilhelm and Simon talk for the first time since Christmas break, it's harder than Wilhelm thought it would be to see Simon smile again, especially when that smile isn't directed at him, Angst

"forget me not" by spa_ghetto 

T, 6.7k words, Post canon, Simon hits his head and gets temporary amnesia, Established relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

"Dandelions" by willehelms 

G, Chose not to use warnings, 1.4k words, Post canon, Wilhelm is tipsy and in love, Established relationship, Fluff

“was it worth it?” by hannakin

NR, Major Character Death, 8.5k words, Post season 1, in the years following the whole nation witnesses the Crown Prince’s downfall, Angst

“slide tackle” by pulses

T, 5.2k words, Post season 1, The last time Wilhelm ever spoke to his brother, Erik had laughed at him and said, “just pretend you're someone else”, for what it's worth: he'd tried, Introspection, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

"only fools rush in" by toffeelemon 

G, 22.3k words, Hillerska AU, It actually wasn’t Wilhelm in the video and Simon and Wilhelm are best friends, Friends to lovers, Slow burn, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

"and they were roommates" by toffeelemon 

M, Underage, 28.5k words, Hillerska AU, Simon is a boarder and he and Wilhelm are roommates, Friends to lovers, Angst, Fluff

“Summer ‘68” by Lizzie_Morgenstern

T, 3.2k words, 60’s AU, A chance meeting during an engagement in England leads to Prince Wilhelm of Sweden getting high, confronting some inner fears, and thinking a little too much about a kimono-wearing, golden-skinned boy, Fluff

“oh christmas tree” by Elin98

NR, 6.7k words, AU, Wilhelm doesn’t go to Hillerska, he knocks a christmas tree into Simon’s head at the Hillerska choir’s christmas concert, Fluff, Humor

“opening hours? never heard of them” by Elin98

T, Chose not to use warnings, 11.2k words, AU, Simon works at the local corner shop, Wilhelm is that annoying customer that stumbles in just as he's about to close, much to Simon's dismay, for some reason the prince keeps coming back, Humor, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

“5 times the students of Hillerska didn’t realize Wille and Simon were together + 1 time they definitely did” by Piebingo

T, Underage, 8.4k words, Hillerska AU, As the title suggest, Oblivious classmates, Humor, Fluff

Multichaps

“Other people’s secrets” by Sflow

M, Chose not to use warnings, 238.5k words, 33/33 chpt, Season 1 + Post season 1, In the last weeks before Christmas, Henry learns a few things he isn’t meant to know, makes amends with Simon, and gets caught between conflicting loyalties. In the spring, those lessons bring unexpected outcomes for him and his friends, old and new, Plot, Redemption arc, Scheming, Hurt/Comfort, Slow burn, Friends to lovers, Fluff

“5 times Linda was a good mom to Wille + 1 time Kristina was a good mom” by Piebingo

T, Underage, 20.4k words, 6/6 chpt, Season 1, As the title suggest, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

“You are real, and I am real” by yrbby

T, Major character death, 77.2k words, 10/10 chpt, Season 1, Simon goes back to find Wilhelm after he finds out about his brother’s death and grief helps their relationship grow, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

"We should just kiss (like real people do)" by sofia_with_an_f 

M, Underage, 30.9k words, 15/? chpt, Post season 1, character study of Wilhelm, Introspection, Angst

"international relations" by spa_ghetto 

T, 21.7k words, 5/5 chpt, RWRB crossover, Post season 1, Simon runs into Alex Claremont-Diaz on the bus and they become friends, Humor, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

"Put Me Back Together and Take My Heart" by notalotgoingonatthisinstant 

M, 49.5k words, 10/10 chpt, Post season 1, Simon gets a serious head injury and it might be the last straw for Wilhelm to gather the courage to blackmail his mother, Angst, Plot, Hurt/Comfort

"my kingdom come undone" by tennisfangirl 

M, Chose not to use warnings, 9.2k words, 3/3 chpt, Post season 1, Wilhelm goes looking for salvation at the bottom of a bottle, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

"call me back" by paldogangsaan 

M, Chose not to use warnings, 15.8k words, 6/6 chpt, Post season 1, Wilhelm attempts, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

"Answer Me This" by BishopRose 

T, 10.2k words, series, 2 works, Post season 1, What if Wilhelm and Simon both eventually moved on, heartbroken, but never really stopped thinking about what could have been? What if they thought they’d never see each other again... until suddenly, years later, Fate stepped in, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

“if hurting wounds could mend (never left that place inside my head)” by Lire_Casander

T, 29k words, 36/36 chpt, Post season 1, Wilhelm gets in a car accident and Kristina figures out how to be a mother again, Introspection, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

“Chosen Family” and “Get What You Deserve” by QueenKatelynTheAristocrat

T, 17.3k words, series: 2 works, RWRB crossover, Post season 1, After the video is leaked to the public, Wilhelm calls his cousin Prince Henry of Wales for help, Henry and Alex proceed to drop everything for a trip to Sweden to rescue him, Hurt/Comfort

“my favorite crime” by numinousliebe

G, 9.7k words, 3/3 chpt, Post season 1, There’s nothing that matters, once Simon is there, right in front of him, nothing else, nobody exists. He wishes Simon was here right now, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

“Make Me Feel Something” by photographer_of_thoughts

M, 25.8k words, 8/8 chpt, Post season 1, The boys have to go through a whole lot of hurt and healing before they can find their way back to each other, Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort

“it takes a fool (but we both are so it’s okay)” by cl0udy_mi1k

T, Underage, 33.9k words, series, 3 works, Post season 1, Between Christmas and New Years, Simon's friends tell him to check instagram, Fluff

“My Baby’s Dancing (With Another Man)” by Wilmonskiss

G, 2.7k words, 2/2 chpt, Post season 1, A new student at Hillerska who shares Simon's ideals, and a jealous Wilhelm at an end of year dance at Hillerska, Angst, Fluff

“on-campus” by spa_ghetto

T, 70.8k words, 27/27 chpt, Post season 1, After the Christmas break Simon and Sara come back to Hillerska as boarders, Wilhelm tries to figure out why this feels off, Plot, Slow burn, Scheming, Hurt/Comfort

"call me up late" by royalwilmon 

T, 29.1k words, 20/20 chpt, Texting AU, Simon gets the wrong number from a classmate and accidentally texts Wilhelm instead, Hidden identity, Fluff, Humor

"only fools remain sane" by Elin98 

NR, Chose not to use warnings, 40.5k words, 11/11 chpt, Hillerska AU, Wilhelm convinces Simon that they should fake date to see if the Crown's recent announcement of accepting same-sex relationships is legit or just for show, Fake dating, Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

"did you see the love in my eyes, oh were you gazing through this disguise?" by millie_cheesesteak 

M, 60.5k words, 11/12 chpt, Hillerska AU, Simon's toxic ex starts at hillerska and Wilhelm decides to help simon show him that he's moved on, Roommates, Fake dating, Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

"A Royal Intervention" by AnxiousAnaconda 

T, 17.8k words, 8/8 chpt, AU, Erik doesn’t die, and he is a slightly overprotective older brother, Plot, Hurt/Comfort

"the way you look at me" by strummerjoe 

T, 33.7k words, 13/13 chpt, University AU, Simon didn’t go to Hillerska, him and Wilhelm are roommates at university, Friends to lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

"and each slow dusk" by loyaulte_me_lie 

M, Graphic violence, 48.5k words, 3/3 chpt, AU, two months after Wilhelm’s arrival at Hillerska, war breaks out, when his and Erik's last-ditch attempt to leave the country goes badly wrong, he ends up stuck in Bjärstad - with Simon, Plot, Politics, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

“home is where I want to be (but I guess I’m already there)” by millie_cheesesteak

M, Chose not to use warnings, 19.4k words, 5/5 chpt, University AU, Wilhelm gets sent to a University in Wisconsin after the fight, Simon is the cute classmate who works in the local coffee shop, Hidden Identity, Fluff

[thefloatingwriter]

(Most of my) Favorite Quotes

(As of September 5, 2022, 1:08 am)

! All Credits To Original Owners !

🝮

“But it makes me wonder, those promises we made when we were young...were they all nothing but a wishful dream? Our promises then, they all turned to dust.”

🝮

"I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I miss you so much, like I was just bored the other day and I went to call you and I got to the phone before I remembered that you weren’t gonna pick up, then I just shut down and cried for like an hour"

🝮

“Maybe he’s just a shell of a human and he’s tired because it’s three am and his parents are fighting and he’s sitting on the steps listening to them argue because he always does. He always will.”

🝮

“Steve Harrington, I see you. I know who you are. I see you.”

🝮

“They were all living in the same house but in different worlds.”

🝮

“I’ll say this as many times as you need to hear it. I love you.”

🝮

”i don’t know what i’m going to do. i am everything i am because of you.” 

“it’s okay. i’ll carry you with me, too.”

🝮

“fairytales are life lessons disguised with colorful characters and situations.”

🝮

“You know, Kaeya was right. I’m not an expert on this kind of stuff. But I do know your heart will only grow louder and more annoying the longer you ignore it. If you would just listen to it, you’d feel so much better. You know what you want, but you’re not accepting it for yourself. Why? Do you truly feel like you don’t deserve to be happy? Do you know how much that hurts people around you, who would do anything to see you smile?”

🝮

“The world ends. Not with a bang, but with a whimper.”

🝮

“The cough started two days ago, and it sounds like death.”

🝮

“It doesn’t. 

It comes for them all, in the end.”

🝮

“After Hinata wheezed and gurgled and died in Kageyama’s arms, and Kageyama left, his heart in his eyes like shards of glass.”

🝮

“I love you, he thinks, pressing a bloody kiss to whitened knuckles. I love you. Live.”

🝮

“And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone.”

🝮

“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way, his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.” 

🝮

“No man is worth more than another, wherever he is from.”

🝮

“It was an accident.”

“…You drove, like, four hours on accident?"

🝮

“how did you sleep?”

“on a beach”

🝮

"You need to be kissed, George," he murmurs, throat raw, "so hard that you can't remember your name-maybe then you'll understand what I mean.”

🝮

“Why would you say that?"

"I lack a lot of self control."

"Okay, obviously.”

🝮

“You voice sounds like fire. It burns.”

“I burn you?"

"You melt me.”

🝮

“Somehow, he makes it back to his holy cathedral of cathartic emotions-the bathroom.”

🝮

"My A.C man said he's actually going to stop by tomorrow. I might marry him."

Sapnap laughs shortly. "Livestream it."

"Face reveal and a wedding at the same time,” Dream says. “Now that would break the internet.”

🝮

“Eventually, his passion had left him, just like everything else.”

🝮

“If it's so big," Sapnap says carefully, "it makes sense you'd try to destroy it."

The implied end to his sentence hangs heavy on the tether between them: before it destroys you.”

🝮

“It feels like hope. It feels like family.”

🝮

“A sharp grin floods Dream's face with heated satisfaction, and he murmurs, "Can't take what isn't mine.

"Dream," George warns.

"I know," he says lightly, and reels himself in.”

🝮

“He wants to say, "I can lose whatever the fuck this is now, but I cannot lose you."

🝮

"This is gonna hurt," Dream admits.

Softly, George says, "It already does.”

🝮

“With extreme timidness, Sapnap greets, "Hey guys."

"Nick," George says immediately.

"Oh god," Sapnap breathes.”

🝮

"Your mom's a Virgo?"

“…What the fuck, Sapnap?"

🝮

"Where's Simon?" Clary interrupted Isabelle wobbled. "He's a rat," she said darkly. "Did he do something to you?" Alec was full of brotherly concern. "Did he touch you? If he tried anything—“ “Not like that. He’s a rat.”

🝮

“Jace nodded. "Don't want to overstay our welcome." "What welcome?" Magnus asked. "I'd say it was a pleasure to meet you, but it wasn't. Not that you aren't all fairly charming, and as for you-" He dropped a glittery wink at Alec, who looked astounded. "Call me?" Alec blushed and stuttered and probably would have stood there all night if Jace hadn't grasped his elbow and hauled him toward the door, Isabelle at their heels.”

🝮

“Alec looked away. "What happened to you?" His voice was oddly constricted. "Picked a fight with a pack of werewolves." Jace slid the blue shirt over his head. Dressed, he padded after Alec into the hallway. "You have something on your neck," he observed. Alec's hand flew to his throat. "What?" "Looks like a bite mark," said Jace. "What have you been doing all day, anyway?" "Nothing." Beet red, his hand still clamped to his neck, Alec started down the corridor. Jace followed him. "I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head." "And ran into a vampire?" "What? No! I fell." "On your neck?" Alec made a noise…”

🝮

“Isabelle looked dubious. "Mom and Dad won't be pleased if they find out." "That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?" Simon inquired. "No, probably not.”

🝮

“Clary said. "Where's Alec, anyway? Why aren't you off choosing him as your partner right now?" Magnus seemed to wince. "I wouldn't approach him with his parents there. You know that.” Clary propped her chin on her hand. "Doing the right thing because you love someone sucks sometimes.” "It does," Magnus said, "at that.”

🝮

"But-" Maia, still looking over at Alec and Magnus, broke off and raised her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at and stared. Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him, full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people-Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike- were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes wide, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth.”

🝮

"Look, did you ask me to come all the way uptown just so you could stare at me like I was something in a petri dish? Next time I'll send you a photo." "And I'll frame it and put it on my nightstand,"

🝮

“Finally he stammered, "Are you- Ragnor Fell? The warlock?” Magnus took the pipe out of his mouth. "Well, I'm certainly not Ragnor Fell the exotic dancer."

🝮

“You're an idiot." "Is that why you didn't call me? Because I'm an idiot?” "No." Magnus strode toward him. "I didn't call you because I'm tired of you only wanting me around when you need something. I'm tired of watching you be in love with someone else, someone, incidentally, who will never love you back. Not the way I do." "You love me?" "You stupid Nephilim," Magnus said patiently. "Why else am I here? Why else would I have spent the past few weeks patching up all your moronic friends every time they got hurt? And getting you out of every ridiculous situation you found yourself in? Not to mention helping you win a battle against Valentine. And all completely free of charge!" "I hadn't looked at it that way," Alec admitted. "Of course not. You never looked at it in any way." Magnus's cat eyes shone with anger. "I'm seven hundred years old, Alexander. I know when something isn't going to work. You won't even admit I exist to your parents." Alec stared at him. "I thought you were three hundred! You're seven hundred years old?" "Well,” Magnus amended, “eight hundred. But I don't look it. Anyway, you're missing the point. The point is-“ But Alec never found out what the point was because at that moment a dozen more Iblis demons flooded into the square. He felt his jaw drop. “Damn it." Magnus followed his gaze. The demons were already fanning out into a half circle around them, their yellow eyes glowing. "Way to change the subject, Lightwood." “Tell you what.” Alec reached for a second seraph blade. “We live through this, and I promise I'll introduce you to my whole family." Wagnus raised his hands, his fingers shining with individual azure flames. They lit his grin with a fiety blue glow. “It’s a deal.”

🝮

Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane.” "They didn't," Magnus said. "Your wards are down." "Really?" the Consul's voice dripped sarcasm. "I hadn't noticed.” Magnus looked concerned. "That's terrible. Someone should have told you." He glanced at Luke. "Tell him the wards are down.”

🝮

Magnus flopped back against the pillows. "I see you went to Crazytown," he muttered, closing his eyes. "Did you bring me anything back?" Alec leaned over and kissed Magnus on the mouth. "Just that," he said softly, drawing back, but Magnus, who had started to smile, already had hold of his arms. "Well, if you're going to wake me up, " he said, “you might as well make it worth my time," and he pulled Alec down on top of him.

🝮

"I’ve got the Mark of Cain,” said Simon. “That means nothing can kill me, right?" “You can kill yourself,” Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't.” “There goes my Saturday.”

🝮

“I did not make a pie,” Alec repeated, gesturing expressively with one hand, “for three reasons. One, because I do not have any pie ingredients. Two, because I don't actually know how to make a pie." He paused, clearly waiting. Removing his sword and leaning it against the cave wall, Jace said warily, "And three?" "Because I am not your bitch,” Alec said, clearly pleased with himself.

🝮

“Your dad seemed pretty great by comparison.” “Sure he liked you,” said Alec. “You’re heterosexual and have low expectations of father figures.” "I think they'll probably put that on my gravestone. ‘He Was Heterosexual and Had Low Expectations’”

🝮

"Straight people," Alec declared. "Why can't they control themselves?" It's a mystery," Simon agreed, and lay back down to sleep.

🝮

"You have to go back, You have to go back to the world.” "I don't want the world. I want you," Alec said.

🝮

"So I'm your first ever Shadowhunter, huh?" Alec said when they separated at last. “You're my first so many things, Alec Lightwood,” Magnus said.

🝮

"There's a Hot Silent Brothers Calendar?" said Alec. “Do they sell it?”

🝮

Simon was looking at Jace as if he were both fascinating and also a little alarming. "Did I-did we ever-did I bite you?" Jace touched the scar on his throat. "I can't believe you remember that." "Did we… roll around on the bottom of a boat?" "Yes, you bit me, yes, I kind of liked it, yes, let's not talk about it again," said Jace. "You're not a vampire anymore. Focus."

🝮

"What happens in the demon realms stays in the demon realms," said Jace.

[thescentofcardamom]

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

'Diving Bell and the Butterfly' watched yesterday with Ashi, we discussed it for three hours. Ashi is a friend with chestnut eyes, full of calm respect. We can talk about everything and disagree at will, because each disagreement sounds gentle. A PhD in medicine, born in the land where I buried a piece of my heart, in Iran. Amazingly, when we met, he decided to quit smoking after just one conversation and so it remained. He can quote movie scenes from memory, with the right intonation and voice changes. He has a beautiful American-Iranian accent and the ability to make me laugh with his completely incorrect grammar when he becomes sleepy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Returning to the movie, I think it shows how important communication is in order not to feel lonely. Words are enough to want to keep living even if you remain in mourning for the rest of your life, nailed to a wheelchair overlooking the open sea, with memories that try to move your body, but even they are powerless. But you are stubborn and each of the words becomes more meaningful. And you leave behind a trace of patience, which raises eyebrows.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

In my life there is a person whose words sound like a locked room with no access to air. Isn't it paradoxical that at one point what could become a warm smile for a year when you hear someone's voice, occasionally became tears in the eyes? And all it would take is a long 'I'm sorry, I understand, it's not like that...'. Long silences looking into each other's eyes and a cup of coffee drank in a crowded cafe would suffice. But instead, there was a night aching from hearing a voice full of powerlessness, a night that never ended but became a separate city on the map of my memories.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nina Simone sang 'Isn't it a pity Isn't it a shame Yes, how we break each other's hearts And cause each other pain (...) How we take each other's love The most precious thing Without thinking anymore Forgetting to give back Forgetting to keep our door open Isn't it a pity?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- My days lately - learning programming and computer science until late afternoon, cooking, practicing yoga, and reading books before bed. Recently I started reading 'Cairo Trilogy' written by Naguib Mahfouz and I'm enjoying it very much. Egypt has been following me lately because I also watched Tarik Saleh's "Cairo Conspiracy", I think I'd rate it about 7.5/10.

[angelsfalling16]

Anon sent me a bunch of prompts to choose from, so for this one, I decided to go with “did you just tell the person i was gonna go out with that we were dating”

Baz

Simon is dead because I am going to kill him. I can't believe that he did this. He knew what this meant to me, and he went and ruined it.

I storm into our apartment, and the way that he smiles when he sees me drives me crazy, adding to my anger. I grab him by the front of shirt

His eyes widen, but there is still a hint of a smile left on his face. I hate him.

"Baz, what are you doing?" He tries to squirm free of my grasp, attempting to push me off of him, but I grab his wrists and pin them on either side of his head.

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Ruin my date."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't lie," I hiss. "Did you really the guy I was going to go out with that we're dating "

"Umm." He finally stops trying to break free of my grasp, and I know that it's true.

"Why would you do that?"

"I didn't do it to be mean. Once I found out who it was, I had to find a way to stop it. That guy is a creep, and he wouldn't have been any good for you."

"Why didn't you just tell me that instead of lying to him?"

"I was afraid that you wouldn't listen to me and would try to go out with him anyway.  I had to make sure that you wouldn't go out with him."

I sigh but don't let go of him just yet.

"You may be right, but you know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think that you were jealous."

"Jealous? Of who? You?"

"You being jealous of me did cross mind, but no. I think that you were jealous of him."

"W-what? Why would I be jealous of him? That sounds crazy."

He's starting to fight against me again, but I hold his wrists tighter. He won't meet my eyes, and even though I was half joking, I think that I might have stumbled on a bit of truth. Interesting…

I lean in closer to him until there is almost no space between us. I can practically hear his heart racing as my lips ghost over his cheek. Mine is doing the same, but at least I know how I feel about him.

"Baz." His voice is soft, and I don't think he has ever said my name quite like that before. It makes me falter and loosen my grasp for the briefest of moments, but it's enough for him to move us, flipping our positions.

I grunt as I'm slammed into the wall and Simon pins my arms down by my side 

It's my turn to ask, "What are you doing?"

"It's my turn to tell you what I think." This cannot be good. "I think that there's a reason that all of your dates have failed miserably lately, and it has nothing 

"Now, that sounds crazy." I don't struggle the way he did when I accused him of basically the same thing a minute ago. Instead, I make my expression cold and sneer at him in the same way that I have been for years, hiding my true feelings behind a stone wall.

"No it isn't. I've seen the way that you look at me when you think that I'm not looking. It's the same way that I look at you."

Now that really catches me off guard, so much so that I can't seem to string together enough words to form a coherent sentence. "I—. But you—. We—."

Simon grins at me the same he did when I entered the apartment, and damn, that look alone could destroy me.

"We have been playing this game for far too long, and I am tired of seeing you go on dates with guys who don't appreciate you."

"Then why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I don't know. I guess I just wasn't sure if I was right. I mean, I hoped I was, but I was worried that I was mistaken."

"You weren't," I admit quietly. "I did try to make it work on those dates, but you are right. None of them were you."

His grin widens, if that's even possible, then he leans, pausing when our lips are a breath apart, looking up at me like he's asking for permission. What he doesn't realize is that he has always had permission; I just never thought he wanted it.

I nod, and he closes the distance, making me completely forget about any possibility of other guys.

[mnictasbcl]

Hello! Sorry to hear your day isn't going well, I hope you feel better soon <3

For a fic what about a soft or hurt/comfort RK1K drabble using the prompt "Safe" 🥰

Thank you very much! :) 

This fic was fun to write, thanks for the prompt!

Safe

Word count: 1407

Pairings: Connor/Markus (RK1K)

Rating: General Audiences

Tags: Angst, Emotional hurt/comfort, talk of death, eventual fluff

Summary: The Revolution had succeeded. Everyone had played their part.But after finishing his speech, Markus can't find Connor anywhere. It will be his task to bring the android back home, where he belongs with his people.

Read it on ao3! Or, read it below the cut

Hundreds, thousands of androids saved from the sublevels of the Cyberlife Tower. Markus watched as they were led towards him by none other than Connor. Who had once been the famous ‘deviant hunter’; they’d met in Jericho, gun pointed to his head but he’d gotten through to the other android. You’re one of us.

Distrust had welled in his heart at first—that tended to come with a relationship that begun with a gun pointed at you. Especially as his first deviated words were telling him that they were going to attack Jericho.

But then Connor helped them. After Markus had detonated the explosive in the hold of the great freighter, North had been injured and Connor had helped take out the guards coming after them.

So when they got to the abandoned, dilapidated church, he trusted the android.

Then he thought he’d never see him again. A deviant going back to Cyberlife, trying to liberate their people? It was unheard of. It was a death mission.

Yet he let him go. Connor couldn’t be stopped. He could feel the guilt coming off the other android in waves. This was a way to make amends—but not just to Markus, to the people of Jericho—to all of his people.

 When he came back, an army marching behind him, Markus beamed. Tried to pretend he hadn’t had a lingering worry in the back of his mind ever since the other android had left.

You did it.

 The stage was set. Markus told their people of their freedom, the peaceful battle was won. Afterwards the crowd rose up into cheers, everyone breaking out into joy. It was over.

Well, he knew it wasn’t completely over. This was the first step to androids becoming an equal species in their own right. But it was the most important step. Practicalities and laws hung tentative in the air; but their victory shared none of this doubt.

They were free.

So he turned around to address his crew. North, Simon, Josh.

“We did it.” North smiled.

He held out his arms, and all earlier disputes between them were pushed aside. They hugged in the centre of the stage, the small circle of their union radiating warmth.

But as they pulled apart, Markus noticed someone was missing.

“Where’s Connor? He should be here too.”

Simon pointed into the crowds. “I noticed him slip off the stage after you finished your speech, but then he disappeared into the crowd.”

He frowned. “He should be with his people.”

“Relax, Markus,” Josh patted him on the shoulder, “he’s only just become a deviant. Give him time.”

“I understand what you mean, but…” he frowned, looking out at the space beyond the androids. The cold streets lined with snow, abandoned almost completely of humans.

“It’s not safe out there.” North finished for him. “It’s okay, Markus. We can hold things down here whilst you go and look for him.”

“Are you sure?”

“We’re with you.”

“Now go and look for that dumb android before he gets himself frozen out there.”

 Markus didn’t need to be told twice. As he walked around the crowds, away from the cheering and shouting, he began to wonder why he cared so much. Well, he did care for all of his people—but the worry that had nestled snugly at the back of his mind was now consuming his thoughts. Connor had done great things for them. He shouldn’t feel bad, not right now, he had been a tool of Cyberlife, as they had all been.

He was glad for his coat providing warmth because the winds were bitter, nipping at his skin. They would need to find shelter for the androids soon, he understood their want for freedom but it wouldn’t do for everyone to catch a chill.

He hoped Connor was wearing something just as warming. He’d noticed he’d forgone his beanie and jacket for his old Cyberlife uniform, and it wasn’t as if Cyberlife designed those with comfort and practicality in mind.

His answer was finding the RK800 jacket strewn on the floor, buried under snow. Shaking it off, he shook his head. “You idiot.”

 And said idiot he found a few paces away, hunched in on himself, shivering.

“Connor! What are you doing out here?”

But to his surprise, when Connor heard him, he tried to move away. His actions were stiff, and he instead fell onto his side, rather mechanically like an old computer being pushed over.

From working with deviants, he knew not to immediately rush to comfort. Instead, he crouched down a few paces away from him.

“It’s okay, I’m here now.”

“Go…away.”

Markus furrowed his brows in concern. “You don’t have to be alone, Connor.”

With a monumental effort the android got his bearings and pushed to his feet. Now with his face no longer obscured Markus could see the dampness of wet snow soaked into his clothes, could see the ice forming crystals on his skin.

“Please. Leave.”

“No.”

Connor shook his head. “You have to. It’s not safe.”

Markus looked around him. “What’s not safe is you sitting out here in the cold by yourself, Connor. Come back to Jericho.”

“Jericho is gone, Markus.”

“Maybe the place, but not the people.”

Connor stepped away from him. “You don’t have to make me feel better. I know that I got a lot of people killed. And I almost—” He stopped. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not safe to keep me around. So just go back, okay? They need you more.”

Markus took a step forward in turn. “And they need you too. You saved hundreds, thousands of them. You saved me, you saved North—”

“And I almost got you killed!”

“Which wasn’t your fault. What we did because of our programming isn’t our fault. Would you blame the others, if they did regrettable things before they deviated?”

Connor seemed to deflate at this. Hands relaxing at his sides, moving towards Markus—

Before jumping back again like a wounded animal.

“No. Just leave, Markus, please. Before you get hurt.”

“Is that a threat, Connor?”

“No! No, I don’t want to hurt you. I just… I… can’t stop it…”

“Can’t stop what?”

“Her! She tried to make me kill you.”

Markus held out his hand. “That was before, Connor. You weren’t a deviant.”

“Yes, I was.”

Now it was Markus’ turn to look confused.

“I was a deviant. On the stage, earlier, I almost shot you.” Now he’d started, he couldn’t stop. “I was a deviant but they could still make me do my mission. I thought I’d helped, I thought I’d helped the Revolution succeed but then the gun was in my hand, and it was cold, and I couldn’t move and—”

“What exactly happened, Connor? I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“Amanda.” He grit out the name. “My handler. An… AI, of sorts, in my Mind Palace. She tried to make me shoot you.”

“What?” His level tone wavered. “Connor—an AI in an android, a part of Cyberlife still there after you deviated… that’s not right.”

“I know,” Connor turned away, “I know. I’m dangerous. That’s why you need to go.”

“Well, is she still there?”

A pause.

“…I think she’s gone. I escaped with some sort of emergency exit that Kamski—”

“Then you’re not dangerous. Not to me, not to Jericho—not to you. Cyberlife is gone now, Connor.”

Connor blinked, taking this in. His LED spun from red to yellow.

“But I could have killed you, Markus. The Revolution would have been over. You would have been dead.”

“You didn’t. Because you’re strong, Connor. You were their greatest tool to stop our freedoms but even with that immense level of control over you, you resisted. You resisted so far as to save my life not once, but twice. As well as saving the lives of all of those androids. You don’t have to be scared anymore.”

Connor reached out where his hand was waiting and brushed his fingers gently. Without meaning to, both of their skin peeled away at the contact, white chassis peeking through. Some sort of spark between them, blue and bright and beautiful—

And Markus took the opportunity, feeling Connor’s fear and doubt, and smothered it with his security, comfort, warmth.

With slow, fluid movements they moved closer together, brushed fingers becoming held hands, becoming a warm, tight embrace.

“You’re free, Connor. You’re safe.”

[lovemalecforever]

Chapter 12

Family isn't always blood

Alec looked at his Parabatai then to his sister then to him again and sighed heavily before speaking. "Because there is something I want to talk about which needs all of your presence."

"Excuse me!?" Jace exclaimed, "Alec, I can feel your nervousness, what is going on? You're making me scared buddy, we almost lost yo-"

"Jace, calm down. I'll tell you when everyone will be here, and it's nothing bad, okay?"

Even after the reassurance, Jace was still not convinced. He could feel how scared and nervous Alec was through their bond. There were so many probabilities running through his mind, minding that Magnus wasn't there with him when that man never leaves his brother alone.

"Jace, stop. I can literally feel you getting stressed up, I told you, Jace, it's nothing, just... wait for a while."

Jace sighed and nodded. He had met his Parabatai, his brother after a long time, and making him upset or angry was the last thing he wanted. "Sorry Alec, but really, you told Izzy that you're coming but not me? Seriously? Am I not important to you anymore?" he dramatically put his hand over his chest. "You have hurt me, dude."

Alec rolled his eyes. "Stop being overdramatic, Jace. Besides, the look on your face told me that it was worth it."

"Boyzzz!" Izzy interrupted, shaking her head at her brothers for their silliness. "So, big brother, whom do you want to meet first, Clary or Simon?" Out of everyone, Izzy knew really well that Alec considers them family now, remembering the fact that he admitted it when she and Simon visited him.

"It's been long I've seen nugget in training mode. I would like to see her training and meanwhile, tell Simon to come here, I want to talk to you both privately before talking to everyone else."

"What the hell!? Alec, First, stop giving my girlfriend these stupid nicknames, and second what are you guys are up to?"

"Jace, stop." Izzy spoke firmly, "Don't bombard our brother with questions, he just arrived. And, besides, I want to see how Clary's doing so can we move now?"

"Fine, let's go." Jace sighed, and they left for the training room.

While heading towards the training room, Alec didn't miss the changes that had been made at the Institute, especially the weapons room. He knew he made the right decision to make his sister the Head of the Institute when he accepted the post of Inquisitor at Alicante, and she's doing a brilliant job. He couldn't help but feel proud of his sister.

It's been around an hour since Clary started her training, her hair was tied up in a ponytail, she was wearing a perfectly fitted navy blue sports bra with red stripes on it, the back having cross straps with blue-grey yoga pants and red and blue colored sports shoes. Her hands were wrapped in boxing bandages, blowing punches and kicks to the punching bag, which had now started to tear.

"Slow down Parabatai, looks like you're having a bad day, or did you not get it last night, huh?" Izzy teased as she walked towards her soon-to-be Parabatai, a smirk playing on her face, and Jace's face flushed.

"Izzy, Hey!" Clary greeted then held the towel that Izzy offered her. "And to answer your question, both. Bad day because Jace was being an idiot last night, and this morning too." She said, making Izzy burst into laughter.

"Really Clary, discussing our sex life with my sister!? Not appreciated!" Jace said as he walked in.

"She's my best friend, Herondale. I can discuss whatever I want." Clary shrugged and snatched the water bottle that he offered her.

"Oops! Looks like someone screwed up badly." Izzy said while suppressing her laugh, earning a glare from Jace.

Clary almost choked on the water she was drinking and dropped the bottle on the floor in the process when her eyes fell on the third person present in that room, standing by the door frame.

"ALEC!"

"Hello, Carrot!" Alec walked in and laughed when she literally jumped on him. "Get down, carrot, you're drenched in sweat."

"Really! Carrot, Carrot!? Seriously, Alec, I told you to stop giving her names, don't you-"

"I find it cute," Clary said, interrupting her boyfriend and making him dumbfounded. "Alec, when did you come? And where's Magnus?" She asked when her excitement died down and was back on her feet.

"Just now, and Magnus didn't come, I had some work."

"Okay, now I'm jealous, what had Simon done, big brother? Jace? Why do you both treat him like that?" Izzy pouted.

"I like him, but that vampire gets under my skin sometimes. No offense, Izzy." Jace said flatly.

"Izzy, Simon had done nothing, you know I like him, I just don't feel like being like that around him. There's nothing else." Alec reassured, making her sigh.

Izzy's phone buzzed, breaking their chain of conversation. She picked it up to check the message. "It's Si, he'll be here in some time. Your room or my office?" She asked.

"In my room," Alec answered while Jace and Clary kept glancing between the siblings. "I'll tell you both later."

Clary nodded. "I'm going to get a shower, see you later, Alec." With that, she picked up her stuff and left the hall.

"Wait, Clary! Excuse me!" Jace said hurried after his girlfriend leaving the other two laughing at their situation.

"It's good to have her back, you know," Izzy said when they both left the room. "Jace is a different person now, and happier too."

"I know. I can feel it. I'm happy for him, he deserves this. Looking back at how broken he was 3 years ago, I'm really happy that Clary got her memories back. They didn't deserve what happened 5 years ago."

"What's wrong!?" She asked when she noticed an unknown expression clouding her brother's face.

"Izzy, promise me you won't tell Jace what I'm about to say, else I won't hear the end of it."

Izzy raised her brow but eventually nodded.

"You know how much I used to hate Clary when she first came into our lives, she's still annoying, but looking at her now, at them, they are meant for each other, they complete each other. And I'm really happy that they found each other, all over again." He said, having a bright smile on his face.

"You're right, big brother. Jace will never stop teasing you if he'll hear what you just said. And, I agree, they are meant for each other."

Clary came back to their lives almost two and a half years ago. It took her almost a year and a half after meeting Jace at her painting exhibition to regain her memories of the shadow world. When she remembered Jace at the alley of the building where her exhibition was held, Jace frequented their meetings in the hope that she'd remember everything but hid it from everyone else. That was until Simon found out and confronted him, in the process bumping into her becoming the second person she remembered.

Clary always had an empty space in her heart, a void, which kept telling her that something was missing. That was until she met Jace, and she knew that she knew him from somewhere. There were bits and pieces in her mind of a club, bike riding, or some similar events, but they were never complete.

When both boys told everyone about Clary, it was Magnus who advised them to take things slow and not rush her memories. She met everyone, remembered them one by one, Luke being the third one, then Jocelyn, followed by the incomplete memory of her death, which resulted in regaining her memories at a great pace.

What broke the floodgates of her memories was when Jace and Clary were returning from their date, and they were attacked by a shapeshifting demon, which Clary killed with complete ease, shocked at first, but the sudden appearance and disappearance of her runes made her remember that she's a Shadowhunter.

The most beautiful thing which happened between all this was Clary fell in love with Jace all over again, oblivious about their past and Jace's feelings, making him the happiest person in the universe.

When she remembered everything, and stepped into the institute once again, and got all her runes back, she was visited by her mother's soul once again telling her that the Angels had forgiven her, she still has her extra share of powers, but she needs to be careful this time and not repeat the mistakes she made in the past. From that time on she became a completely new person. Better than before, more fierce, stronger, but still stubborn, annoying, and irritating at times.

The most epic thing to happen was Alec and Clary's relationship. From hating each other to frenemies to friends to a weird brother-sister relationship, they came a long way. The bitter comments Alec used to make about her were now more of teasing and mocking in a good way. They had started understanding each other, making everyone around them shocked with their bonding.

***************************

Simon was already pacing in Alec's room when Izzy and Alec entered, making Alec sigh out of frustration. "Stop digging holes in my carpet, Lewis," Alec commented.

"Really!?"

"Boys!" Izzy shook her head. "I can't with you people!" She mumbled, then turned towards her brother. "So, what did you find Alec?"

"Everything!" He answered and explained to them the complete process of becoming immortal. When he was done both of their faces were filled with shock and astonishment.

"So, you have to drink Fray's blood and ask her to talk to Angel Ithuriel on your behalf, that's... interesting. Do you think she'll agree?" Simon asked curiously.

"That we'll see. Are you both okay with this?" Alec asked hesitantly.

Simon and Izzy exchanged a look. "Of course we are, big brother. I'm really happy for you." She hugged her brother tightly. Alec looked at Simon who nodded and smiled at him, he smiled back and mouthed thank you to him.

They broke their hug and Alec sighed with relief. "I'm glad to have your support, but, Izzy, I need advice, I'm confused."

"What is it?"

"Should I wait for everyone to arrive and talk to them tonight altogether, or I'll talk to everyone privately? I don't know how everyone's gonna react, especially Jace and Clary."

Izzy didn't know what to say to that. She looked at Simon than at her brother, trying to form words when Simon broke the silence.

"Um... I don't know what you think, Iz, but I think you should talk to everyone privately, talking to everyone at the same time would mean too many emotions in one place when you don't know how will everyone react which can become uneasy for you. But it's completely up to you." He said carefully.

"I think you're right Simon, thank you. It might take time, but I'll get a fair amount of time with everyone. And I think I'm going to make Jace and Clary wait for the last." He said with a chuckle.

"Now, Izzy, till the time mom and Luke arrive, why don't you and Clary show me what I've asked for!?" He asked with a wide smile.

Simon had a confused expression from his question, making Alec chuckle with the realization that neither of the women had told anyone about the gifts he had asked them to help him make for Magnus.

"Come on then, big brother. It's in Clary's room." She wrapped her arm around her brother's, dropped the silencing rune, and walked towards Jace and Clary's shared room. When they were near their room they heard loud arguments coming from their room making them exchange looks.

"Can we come in Fray? Or are you both going to continue with whatever you were arguing about?" Simon asked while suppressing his laugh, earning a flying pillow from Clary, which he dodged successfully, making Alec and Izzy burst with laughter, and Jace completely embarrassed.

"Are you people done?" Alec asked.

Clary cleared her throat and steadied herself. "Yeah, come in."

"Are you still working on it, or is it completed? Alec wants to see it." Izzy said the excitement was clearly visible in her voice.

"Oh, are you sure Alec? It's not completed yet."

"Completed or not, I want to see both of your's!"

"Okay, it's in my art room."

"Art room?" "What the hell is going on!?" Alec and Jace said at the same time.

Jace was carefully listening to their conversation, making a frown appear on his forehead. He looked at Simon who was mirroring his confused expressions, but no one else, making his nerves rise.

Alec sighed. "Izzy and Clary, may I know why you both kept it hidden from them?" He waved towards Simon and Jace.

"We thought it would be nice to surprise them too, we want to see their expressions when it's done," Izzy said.

Jace and Simon exchanged a look, Jace was about to say something when Alec raised his hand to shut him up. He shook his head in disbelief. "I didn't get my answer, Art room?"

"Oh, my old room, now that I share the room with Jace, I converted that to my personal Art room. Are you really sure, Alec?"

"Yes, and anyways I want it completed before I leave for Alicante."

"Are you sure, big brother? Will you be able to hide from Magnus for that long?" Izzy raised her brow at him.

"Alec, if this makes you relieved, I got permission from Angels to use the portal rune as a permanent rune for me, and anyways I and Izzy are gonna portal to the lakeside to complete all the decorations you've asked for. You can meet us there and take the gifts from us." Clary said.

Alec looked at Clary in disbelief. "You got permission? That's something. Okay then, take your time, but it should be completed by Wednesday."

"We're almost done, big brother. Don't worry!"

*************

They all walked towards Clary's Art room, Alec was way too excited to see what they've done. Clary opens the door, which was filled with the scent of fresh colors, different shapes of brushes were spread in the whole room and a bunch of them were kept in a pen stand with several watercolor bottles and charcoal pencils on a wooden table in the corner of the room. There were different shapes of canvases filled in the whole room.

Clary went forward and removed a red-colored cloth that was covering a medium-sized canvas, only to reveal 3 frame-sized paintings pinned on the canvas, the 4th one was ongoing and one was empty. Alec's jaw fell on the ground seeing them.

"You... you're painting them!?"

"You like it?" Clary asked nervously, biting her nails, and looked at Izzy.

Alec went forward and traced his fingers over the painting of their wedding, both in tuxedos, holding hands, a look of pure happiness on their faces. "Put this in the center, and frame them properly. Magnus is going to love it. And I do too. Thank you, redhead!"

Clary sighed with relief and nodded with a warm smile.

"What the he-"

"Wow, these are beautiful Fray, so that's not the only surprise you're planning for Magnus? It's so lovely!"

"Yes, there's more Simon. I told you and Izzy alre-"

"What is going on!? And why am I the only one who doesn't know anything!?" Jace yelled.

Alec sighed for the billionth time that day. "Jace, are you really not getting it, or are you seriously not remembering!?"

Every eyes were on Jace now. "Remember wha... oh shit!" He gulped when he realized the paintings were from Alec's wedding to all of their following anniversaries. And it's his brother's anniversary next week.

"Sorry, Alec. I forgot about your anniversary. So, that's why Magnus is not here, you're planning a surprise, huh?" He said teasingly knowing that his brother is bad with surprises.

Alec rolled his eyes and smacked Jace on the back of his head, earning a whiney 'Ow' from him while others burst into laughter. "So, Izzy!?"

"It's in the weapons room, come on!"

*********************

They were all in the weapons room, Izzy had vacated the room for some time, and they were the only five present there. She went towards the right side rack, opened the second last drawer and took out a black-colored box, and walked towards the center table where everyone was standing.

"Big brother, it's yet to be completed. The whole engraving is remaining, you sure!?"

"Engraving?" Others said in unison.

"Yes, Izzy! Just show me whatever is done!"

Izzy opened the box to reveal a set of 3 diamond rings, sitting on fake fingers, two on the base and one in the middle of the finger, each connected with silver chains having tiny emeralds covering the whole chain. It was a really beautiful ring. There was a bundle of diamond cuts sitting on the base of the box.

Everyone's jaws were dropped on the floor. The ring was shining brightly in the dullness of the room.

"Why extra diamonds?" Clary asked curiously.

"These are going to be fixed on the engraving. Alec, thoughts?" She asked, her voice filled with nervousness and excitement.

"Wow! I... I'm speechless. You did a great job, Izzy. Magnus is definitely going to fall in love with it."

"I already am," Clary confessed. Her eyes were shining with the lights the diamond ring was emitting.

"I didn't know my girlfriend was this talented!" Simon said. He and Jace were completely dumbfounded.

They all got out of their trance with a loud squeal Izzy made, way too excited and proud of her work. They all exchanged a look and shook their heads at her.

Before Izzy could say, her phone buzzed and her expressions went from excited to soft.

"What?" Alec asked.

"Mom and Luke are here, you're ready, Alec?"

Alec sighed. "Let's get this over with!"

[fyeahcamcountry]

Cam: The Otherside - track by track

(Apple Music)

'...“I was a total idealist,” Cam tells Apple Music. The Nashville country singer, who’s also one of the city’s most sought-after songwriters, says the five years she spent writing her sophomore album were some of the hardest of her life. “I had this Disney idea of how the world worked, and at some point that just...broke.” Tracing a string of major life changes—breaking up with her old label, inking a new contract, marrying her husband, and welcoming her first child—The Otherside reflects a dramatic shift in thinking, or her journey through disillusionment into clear-eyed realism. That evolution unlocked a new side to her sound. “My songs have always pulled from my psychology background, but I had this filter on and didn’t even know it,” she says. “Once I took that off, I could be so much more honest. I could see the world, and myself, for exactly what they were.” Read on as Cam tells us the inside story behind each song.

[[MORE]]

Redwood Tree

“I grew up in the Bay Area with a redwood tree in my backyard, and I did a lot of thinking up there. I wasn’t raised in a specific religion, but the most magical, awe-inspiring experience I can think of is being in the redwoods, feeling so small. It’s like a cathedral in that it reminds you of your place in everything. Fallen redwoods have rings that represent the thousands of years that they lived, and you’re like, ‘Oh, we’re just flies buzzing around.’ We wake up one day shocked to realize our parents are suddenly old. Like, when did my dad's beard get so white? I had watched the movie Arrival around the time we wrote this song, and I loved the idea of time not being linear. The soundtrack has these voices that go ‘Da, da, da, da,’ and we nod to that in the production. I hope time isn't linear. I hope I get more time with my parents.”

The Otherside

“Tim, or Avicii, came to Nashville a few years ago to write for one of his albums, and we were in the studio with Hillary Lindsey and Tyler Johnson. He started playing this piano melody over and over and over again, and I don't smoke cigarettes but when Hillary took a cigarette break, I was like, ‘I'm going, too.’ It was just so intense. He was really stuck on this thing. While we're out on the back porch, she and I came up with an idea for the chorus, and he loved it. But he fiddled with it for hours. He was thinking about cadence, about how we speak, about code-mapping it onto a melody, and about the actual phonetics. Tim never wound up releasing that song, so I was like, ‘Ooh, maybe that means I can.’ Even though it’s such a heavy thing not having him around for the final edits, I did feel this great responsibility to work my ass off to get it right. Because I knew that’s what he would have done.”

Classic

“On the other side of the spectrum, this is one of those songs that just magically fell into place. I went up to New York for a few sessions with Jack Antonoff at Electric Lady Studios, and it was so fun. Creatives tend to beat themselves up a lot, but Jack and I sat there jangling around on this 12-string guitar and writing a song that had this nostalgic Simon & Garfunkel ‘Cecilia’ vibe. It’s about how there are people in your life that outlast everything else—technology, fashion trends, swings in politics, whatever. Nothing's a constant in life, but a few people are. It was inspired by this moment when my husband and I were in Argentina and he found a pack of Lucky Strike cigarettes. He doesn't smoke anymore, but he goes, ‘I’ve got to smoke these because they don't make ‘em like this anymore.’ And then he looks at me and goes, ‘That's a country lyric.’”

Forgetting You

“I was writing with Lori McKenna, Tyler Johnson, and Mitch Rowland, and we’re all pals from working on various projects together. Still, I always get nervous when I go write with Lori, even though she's so humble and chill, because I’m like, ‘Don't embarrass yourself in front of the poet of our generation!’ Which is to say, I knew I needed to bring in something cool. I had this line, ‘I'm getting older/But you never change.’ The song is about holding on to the concept of someone from the past, and measuring everyone up to them even though it’s no longer real. That's why you keep moving forward but they never seem to age.”

Like a Movie

“Before we were married and had a kid, I’d come home from tour and my husband and I would have this tiny bit of quality time together. And the truth is, we’d usually get high and go to Walmart. One day, we were unloading all our groceries and I was like, ‘How did you know it was me? How did you know not to settle for someone earlier or wait for someone else?’ And he just smiled and said, ‘Because when I met you, it was like a movie.’ Now, I can remember when we met. I was a mess. It did not look like a movie. But it was so, so sweet. I wrote with the love junkies—Lori McKenna, Liz Rose, and Hillary Lindsey—and the strings are David Campbell, who’s actually Beck’s dad. Jeff Bhasker wanted a ’50s movie soundtrack vibe with strings that swelled like an orchestra, and David immediately got it. Apple Music did a teaser video for the album, and if you watch it, there should be video footage from that string session.”

Changes

“I usually write all my own music, but this is the first of a couple songs on this album that I didn’t. I guess I feel like it's cheating. I'm supposed to be digging all this personal stuff up and figuring myself out, so taking someone else’s song feels like a shortcut. But I trust Harry [Styles]’s writing. I feel like he tries so hard to be himself in his music, and he doesn't take it lightly. That pursuit resonates with me. The demo had Lori McKenna singing with Harry on background vocals and his whistle, which is still in the track. It was amazing to hear a song that someone else wrote that clicked so much with me personally. It’s about feeling like you’ve outgrown where you're from, and you don't really want to admit that. It’s kind of an uncomfortable thing to say, but I love when things are uncomfortable. That means it’s important.”

Till There's Nothing Left

“This song has steamy sexual energy... Like, ‘I'm giving you my whole heart but also my body and a quickie in the back seat.’ While we were recording my vocals, I was trying to sit back and make it cool and sexy, and I realized I was blushing. I was blushing because society tells us that sexuality is a private thing. If you want to be respected as a woman, if you want to be considered intelligent, you can’t be sexual. But then I was reminded of my grandmother who was raised Baptist on a farm in Saskatchewan. She's the one who gave me the sex talk, unbeknownst to my mother. She said, ‘Sex is like a milkshake. Once you have it, you're always going to want it.’ She was comfortable with her sexuality without it being the main thing about her. So I thought, ‘If a woman born in the 1930s on a farm in Canada can own it, I can own it.”

What Goodbye Means

“A friend of mine was going through a divorce. It was pretty ugly, but he was being so kind. I asked him, ‘How are you being so nice right now? I don't get it.’ And he said, ‘Because she might change her mind.’ I still get goosebumps thinking about it. We've all been there, not quite ready to accept the reality of something, and that's okay. You've got to take it at the rate you can take it. This song has such a classic melody. It’s warm. For some reason it feels like a summer evening in New Mexico to me.”

Diane

“This song is a response to Dolly Parton’s ‘Jolene,’ and man, it really seems to resonate with people. Crowds sing it back to me in this emotional, over-the-top, theatrical way. I suppose most people have had infidelity affect their life one way or another, but it’s hard to watch people you care about go through it. There's so much shame around it that you don't get to talk about what you need or how to heal. And you almost never get to hear the other party’s side. So ‘Diane’ is my moment to role-play, I guess. I'm the other woman and I slept with your husband and I didn't know he was married, but you’ve got to know the truth. Parton's lyrics to the other woman include the word ‘please,’ and that just killed me. She's so humble and human, asking someone to please not take the love of her life away. Immediately, I was like, ‘That's the narrative. That's what is so often left unsaid.’”

Happier for You

“This is the other song that I didn't write, and it’s from Sam Smith and Tyler [Johnson]. Sam and I have a great relationship because I helped write the song ‘Palace’ for their album and then they brought me out on tour. We have a lot of trust. When Lindsay [Marias, Cam’s manager] and I first heard this demo and Sam came in singing, our jaws dropped. The emotion was so raw and honest and real. I love the juxtaposition of saying something very loud and publicly—to the point where it almost feels proud—but actually it’s something that makes you want to curl up in a ball.”

Girl Like Me

“This is the author's note at the end of the book. Natalie Hemby had come over and started playing a verse on the piano, and I was like, ‘Oh god, that is so sad.’ And she's like, ‘It's your story. This is your comeback story.’ It’s funny how sometimes you can’t recognize your own self. Writing this song was uncomfortable but in the best way, trying to pull lyrics out in the chorus (‘They’re going to give up on you/You're going to give up on them’). You can’t just become jaded. You have to push through. It’s a gift to be able to see life for what it is, and to see yourself for who you are. I think anyone who has been through that phase of disillusionment will think, ‘Oh, yeah, tough. But this side is better.’”

[kpopgurlz]

What do you want?

The situation: you're a music producer in South Korea. And the small company you work for has worked with AOMG a few times and that's how you met Gray. At the time you where in a long distance relationship with your boyfriend back in the states, but that didn't last long after you found him cheating.

A few months after your break up you and Gray end up sleeping together, and because of your working relationship you tell him you only have time for a very discrete friend with benefits, which he agrees to. It's been a year since then and your arrangement has been working just fine.

You catch wind of a rumor that Gray is currently dating and actress, so you call him over for a booty call to see if it's true.

Text

Later that night

You hear a knock on the door, and you go to the door and open it in just your bra and panties. Gray raises his eyebrow and bites his lip.

Gary: looks like someone was missing me.

You smile and grab him by the collar, pulling him into the house. You push him against the door closing it and cornering Gray so you can have your way with him. Things get hot and heavy quick. You push your lips against his and your tongues slip into one another's mouths. Gray breaks away from your heated kiss for a moment to remove his hoody. Then the both of you are back at it. You move your hands to his belt buckle and he grabs your ass and pulls you closer to him.

Gray: let's go to the bedroom.

You stop kissing him to look up at him. The two of you had done it any and everywhere but never in the bed room.

Y/N: OK

You turn around and start towards the bedroom. And Gray comes behind you and grads both your Breast and begins you massage them roughly as he bites down on your neck. You gasp and you can feel your pussy getting wetter.

You two enter your bed room.

Y/N: take your pants off.

You walk over to the bed and sit down on the edge of the bed and cross your legs. Gray laughs.

Gray: this a new kink or some thing?

You get on all fours on the bed and wiggle your ass in Grays directions as you look over your shoulder.

Y/N: maybe.

Gray quickly removes the rest of his clothes. And walks over to you and lays on the bed next to you and trails his fingers up you thigh.

Gray: I'm cold. Come warm me up.

His voice sends shivers up your spine. And you straddle him. Gray sits up to look you in the eyes.

Gray: you look beautiful tonight.

He places your face in his hands and kisses you slowly and sweetly. This isn't how he usually kisses you but you're already horny so you try to pick up the pace. You push him down on the bed. And remove your bra. Gray sits back up and begins licking and sucking on your nipples. Then he rolls you over onto your back and removes you panties.. you try to roll over so he can fuck you doggie style and he pushes you back down.

Y/N: what?

Gray: I want to see your face.

You start to blush, and Gray slowly enters you, and you gasp. Some thing is different tonight. You and Gray are always rough passion when you're together but this time everything is intimate. As he grinds himself into you, you can feel yourself about to cum and you tighten around him. And he pushes deeper into you. You arch your back and now he's hitting your g spot. And even though you try to hold on a little longer he forces you to cum.

Y/N: fuck!

Gray rolls over on his back.

Gray: I missed doing that. We really have to get our schedules synched up so we can do this more often.

Gray turns his head to look at you, but you're already asleep. He laughs to himself. And wraps his arms around you and falls asleep.

The next morning

You wake up, and feel Grays arms around you and his breath on your neck. You turn around towards him. And he looks so peaceful, that it makes you smile. You've never waken up with him still in your bed let alone in his arms and your heart starts racing.

Y/N: (whisper) it's not fair you get to look so beautiful in the morning.

Gray: I know right

Without opening his eye he responds to you smiling. Gray opens his eyes, but before he can say anything else you sit up and wrap the covers around you.

Gray: what are you doing.?

Y/N: I've got work to do.

You get out of bed taking all the covers with you.

Gray: HEY!

Y/N: that's for not letting me know you were awake.

Gray starts laughing, and stretches out on your bed naked.

Y/N: are you and the rest of AOMG coming to the listening party tonight?

Gray: yea I think so. Why?

Y/N: just asking.. you bringing a date?

Gray: nope, you?

Y/N: maybe.

Gray: oh...

Gray gets up and gets dressed and leaves with out saying anything else. You shower and get ready for your event later that night.

Listening party

You are putting the finishing touches on things, and greeting the guest when you spot Jay park and the rest of AOMG. You walk over to greet them and notice Gary isn't with them.

Y/N: Gary's not making an appearance?

Jay park: oh I think his going to be a little late.

Y/N: oh OK. Well make yourselves comfortable.

A few hours pass and you spot Gray coming through the door with the actress he is rumoured to be dating, and your heart sinks to your stomach. You get the urge to cry, but then you get angry. This asshole brought her here to get under your skin. You want to walk up to him and act like you're not phased by him and his date, but you know yourself and you'll end up making a scene. So you stay away from him and work the room, but it seems like evey time you turn around gray is right there with his date. You start regretting not having a date.

You decide you need a moment a lone and go up stairs to be alone. You find a quiet room and lay on the sofa.

You hear the door open and with out looking you tell the person the room is occupied. And you heard the door close.

Gray: taking a break?

Your head shoots up, and you see gray leaning on the desk across from you.

Y/N: shouldn't you be with your date.?

Gray: I'm right where I want to be.

Y/ N: you're unbelievable.

You get up and walk towards the door. Gray starts towards you and grads your arm and backs you into the wall.

Y/N: move gray, I'm not playing this game with you today.

Gray: where your date?

Y/N: I don't need a date.

Gray pushes his body against yours and grads your chin then kisses you roughly. He pushes his tough into your mouth. You try pushing him off but the harder you push the rougher he gets, and the wetter you get. You finally manage to break away from his kiss.

Y/N: gray stop! I'm working... And you're hear with someone.

Gray backs away from you a little the drops down on both of his knees.

Gray: I'm only interested in what I'm doing right now.

Gray pushes your dress up and slides you panties off. Then he lifts your right leg over his shoulder and begins licking and sucking on your clit.

You try to protest but you can barely speak. Your mind goes blank, and you cover your mouth with one hand and grad the back of Grays head with the other. You can feel your knees began to buckle and you can no longer contain your moans.

Y/N: gray please stop, please. You're going to make me cum. (Moan) please.

Gray doesn't stop until he knows for sure that you have reached your climax. Then he stands up whiping your juices off of his face.

He drops his pants and lifts you by your thighs and you wrap your arms and legs around him. You're so wet that he slides his long thick shaft right inside you. As he slams his shaft into you over and over again your moans get louder and loud. You can hear his low groans in your ear and after awhile all you can hear is the mixture of both of your voices.

The door suddenly opens. And Gray stops mid stroke and both of you look towards the door. You feel panic rush over your entire body. As you see Jay park, Simon D, and ugly duck standing in the door way.

Jay Park: I fucking knew the two of you were fucking.

Simon D: wow just wow.

Ugly Duck: y'all some fucking freaks. There's like a hundred people down stairs and y'all didn't even lock the door.

Gray: GET THE FUCK OUT!!! AND LOCK THE DOOR, WE'RE BUSY!!!

They all start laughing and close the door, then Jay opens the door again to lock it and closes it back.

Y/N: that was the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me.

You try to get down and Gray tightens his grip.

Gray: where are you going?.... I'm not done yet.

He walks over to the desk with you in his arms and sits you down. He bites down on your neck and begins grinding his hips into yours and you match his pace.

Y/N: (moan) I'm going to cum.

Gray picks up the pace. He uses one hand to grad the back of you head and the other to push your hip into him even harder. You close your eye as your about to climax. And you feel Grays forehead on yours.

Gray: keep your eyes on me.

You open your eyes and the both of you cum at the same time. While both of you are trying to catch your breath, Gray takes your face in his hands and kisses you on your forehead. Then he looks you in the eyes.

Gray: you belong to me now.

[xox-hitorabu-xox]

||Part of this really happened, though I improvised a bit.||

Person who has only seen Durarara!! Anime and admits to being too lazy to read novels: Why would anybody like this guy? *posts gif where Izaya is saying*"People are my playthings."

Me: There are reasons I like Izaya: For one, he's intelligent, charming, cunning, has class, cares for and values his friendship with Shinra in his own way even though he has trouble with empathy(something I relate to), and despite everything, he's just a human even though he's able to bring down an entire organization like Amphisbaena. Not to mention I'm pretty sure he's jealous of practically everybody he comes into contact with. Shizuo, Mikado, Shinra, even Celty.

Me: He punches a telephone pole upon realizing he'd be betraying his only friend by normal human standards.

Me: And he was neglected by his parents emotionally. That's a very typical cause of personality disorders, just so you know. It's not entirely his fault that he is the way he is. Just saying. But I enjoyed watching him outsmart Amphisbaena. And I really like reading the novels for his philosophical views. Plus, he's kind of agnostic and fears death more than anything, something I can relate to.

Me: Haha his hand was literally swollen up because of slamming it into the telephone pole. But you know what happened when his sisters expressed concern for his hand?

This-

Mairu tilted her head and asked as she saw his right hand, “What happened, Iza-nii? Your right hand looks swollen.”

“...Health (Are you alright)?” Kururi looked at him with worried eyes.

Izaya stroked her head with his left hand and lied with a sigh, “Yeah, I got this when I was running away from Shizu-chan.”

“So you deserved it after all—”

“Keep yourselves away from muscle idiots like that one. Or you could die, you know.”

The siblings continued their conversation as they disappeared into the city night. The city, which took in everything it was offered, absorbed their talk into its nightly cacophony as it did any chit-chat within any normal family.

-

That was from the ninth Durarara!! Light novel.

But what was even sadder was the scene before that -

The twins flanked Izaya as he began walking, a bitter smile on his face. Mairu, who was on Izaya’s right, raised her face to look at him and said in a natural tone, “Say, Iza-nii. We know that you probably don’t treat us any differently as you treat other people, but keep in mind that we still think of you as family, OK?”

“All of a sudden you’re saying things that would actually make me happy. What happened?” Izaya felt that the line didn’t sound like Mairu, who usually told him to “Die!” and highkicked him when she saw him. He glanced at his sisters’ faces—and saw that they were smiling innocently back at him as they continued.

“So, if you get killed by Shizuo-san, Iza-nii, we’ll make sure to cry a little bit for you before we laugh about it.”

“Small (Just a little)...”

“...I was a fool to expect any family love from you.”

Izaya chuckled and walked faster.

- Also from LN 9, I have no clue why it wasn't in the anime. It really should have been. Especially the scene where he actually punched the telephone pole. But another reason I like Izaya is because not only is Izaya changing, but Narita himself said, "I have a feeling there was a scene where he cried, but he didn't let the readers see."

Somebody else: There are many reasons that make me like Izaya Orihara, like his fascinating personality, but that doesn't mean I think of him as a good man ¯\_(ツ)_/ ¯ I love it anyway

Person who has only seen the Durarara!! anime:

*throws in lame ass argument about what 'bad' things Izaya has done, without arguing, even though the argument could go both ways, considering he did take down Amphisbaena, and took Jinnai Yodogiri's corporation, giving Kasane Kujiragi back her freedom.*

Me: He's neither good nor bad. Most people can't be classified as either. We're all selfish in our own ways, and have a dark nature down deep that makes us want to test people at points. But without proper nurturing that can become harmful by nature, and it can consume us.

Somebody else number 2: The funny thing is that most people fail to recognize that they are of equal good/bad scale to Izaya without realizing it. It's only because Izaya is presented as an antagonist going against the common societal view that he is seen as a villain. Anyone that stands out against what is accepted is seen as bad because that is what we are taught at a young age to believe.

So saying that you hate Izaya because he is evil or bad is playing into those accepted, ingrained, and common beliefs.

Person who has only seen Durarara!! anime:

I don't have to like Izaya. I don't agree with you, and I don't want to argue about this. Izaya is pretty terrible. He started a whole war for fun, and told a girl to commit suicide. Any Shinra was just assuming when he said that Izaya has a fragile heart. Shinra is just some underground doctor(me: that doesn't know what he's talking about)?

Me: You don't have to like him, but you can't just deny canon. First off, he didn't want to start the war entirely for fun. He's an atheist/agnostic, and is terrified of death more than anything. The novels outright called Shinra, "his friend, the first person to see through Izaya to his true nature.". And Shinra described Izaya's 'true nature' as being more human and his heart more fragile than anybody else. Nextly, Shinra isn't 'just' some ignorant doctor. He has the potential to be the most manipulative character on the show if he really wanted to, and he's not ignorant. He's actually fairly insightful and observant, even when others aren't even though he ignores them because he only cares about Celty. Even Tom seemed weary of Shinra, implied by the novels.

Somebody else 4: Whether you like Izaya or not doesn't matter, because it's not just interpretation, it's canon, so in other words, you're just ignoring facts to justify your hatred for him.

Person who has only seen Durarara!! anime:

I mean he could made different choices and it could have turned out better.

Person who has only seen Durarara!! anime: I think Izaya's the worst one because he started the war.

Me: The same could be said for pretty much every single one of the characters, who all have done some pretty bad things, and crossed over things Izaya never would. *points out Shizuo's non justification for his hair trigger and how if it weren't for Simon, Shizuo could have killed somebody. Points out Ran's joking about raping both Saki and Mikage, as well as his abuse towards his brother, not to mention what he did and threatened to Saki(though he is jealous of the love Aoba receives from his parents, and the natural leader role Kyouhei has), points out Anri's hypocrisy in siding with Saika just because she saved her, points out Masaomi's cowardice(even though he has his really good moments), points out how Izaya saved Saki and multiple other girls from abusive situations, and especially Kuon's sister's experience with Izaya and how they can't properly seem to live without Izaya, points out the fact that, in reality, Mikado stabbed Aoba because he wanted to fulfill his ego, as well as the fact that he shot off a gun and caused a spark in the Awakusu-kai, points out some of the things Namie and Seiji did, not to mention Shinra's manipulative nature. Above all, points out all the trouble Nasujima caused and the terrible things he did(to Haruna and her family especially), as well as Jinnai Yadogiri sending Vorona(serial killer for fun at first, likely because of neglect) and Sloan to kidnap a child and do who knows what with her, considering all that Jinnai did to Ruri(also serial killer, but less for fun and more for revenge to get back at those who killed her parents)(not to mention Jinnai doing experimentation on her), though killing still starts to consume her because she feels freedom by doing so), Adabashi beating Shinra to a bloody pulp(though not apparently as bad as Shizuo has supposedly done to Shinra in the past, according to Shinra himself)(after which Izaya had Izumii break Adabashi's leg broke and kept him in his apartment for three days until he managed to escape.)* I'm not going to even go into Shizuo beating up a guy for simply questioning the purpose of life and telling him to go die, or the things Vorona, Shinra, Walker, Erika, Aoba, Rokujo, even Celty,(probably)Simon, and many others have done. Because every character has flaws and weaknesses that make them human. Minus Takashi and Jinnai Yadogiri, everybody has a least one person they have an attachment to of some sort and can feel a little closer to than others, even if they won't admit it, mostly everybody has unhealthy obsessions, Izaya nonetheless. But most everybody is changing, Izaya has even took the huge step of NOT calling Shizuo a monster, and instead admitting that Shizuo is just a man that distanced himself from humans. If that alone is not an improvement for him, I don't know what is.

Person who has only seen the Durarara!! anime: *obviously didn't read much of anything* Eh, Izaya's not good, and I just can't find it in myself to like him. If he were a real person, I might sympathize with him a little bit, because he could find help, but he's just a character, and there's no real justification for why he is the way he is.

Other person who has only seen the Durarara!! anime:

The anime is made for you to interpret Izaya however you want.

Somebody else number 4: This is why people need to read the novels. There is more to Izaya than what is portrayed in the anime.

Me: Plus, both the anime and manga is there to promote the original sources, so, naturally, they are going to leave out stuff, because they want you to read novels.

Somebody else number 5: Izaya isn't evil. He's not a sociopath. He's not a psychopath. He's not a troll. He is indeed only human and only wants a little more in his life than sitting on a bed and binge watch anime. There's so many reasons to like him

[undiscoveredwriting]

Fragile Things, but OK.

Jakarta - September 15th, 2019.

It has been three days since I attended The Maine’s show Live in Singapore, and I am still emotional over the things I experienced. No, this will not be just another review about The Maine’s show in Singapore, nor this will be a story about my trip to Singapore, this is me wearing my heart on the sleeve.

You see, before we move on to the part where it got real, I want to underline the point that this entire blog post might be triggering. May you be a The Maine fan, or you’re just someone who feels insecure about a lot of things and you feel like the world is ending because you can’t do one favor a friend asked you to, or you just can’t seem to break a routine or a certain state of mind whenever you’re in a certain situation. Those are the things I will be telling in this post and this is me opening up to things I didn’t even know I have to admit before.

The past few weeks leading up to the show day was honestly one of the hardest things I had to go through. Juggling my day job and my side projects that includes handling some shows and gigs, I lost a lot of sleep and lack the motivation to keep on going because I was just emotionally drained and physically exhausted - I thought about dropping all my projects and just focus on my day job. I was not in a very good state of mind, I wanted to quit everything I knew because it didn’t feel fun, it felt like it’s weighing me down. I didn’t tell anyone, I still haven’t. All I thought was everything had to be done perfectly so I could go on my 3 days' leave for Singapore in peace. News flash, I managed to pull through, no quitting whatsoever and having that getaway to Singapore was such a reward.

Fast forward to the day I flew to Singapore on the 11th of September, with all the touristy-problem I faced the moment I landed, I managed to get to the place we were staying in safely, tummy full with good food, ready for my skin-care routine and visited the dreamland right after. Singapore time showed 2-ish am when I closed my eyes. 

The next thing I remember was getting woken up at 7-ish am on September 12th. With eyes heavy, hair messy, I let my excitement fueled me to get ready. Just like most shows I went to, I was not alone. Here is my companionship.

I’ve known them all before the show and I’ve known most of them for a very long time. Other than the girl in the middle, whose name is Priscila and had only met at the show, everyone knew one another. I knew how much these girls love the band, I knew the sacrifices they’ve made before for this band, I knew, that The Maine had played an important role in their life - as they did mine. When we took this picture, we just wanted to have a picture of ourselves waiting in line, still looking so cute with all our make up intact despite all the humidity that filled Singapore’s air. Little did we know, Pris would be picked to get on stage and sing Taxi with the band later that night. Was I glad it was her? You’re damn right I was.

Several cold mineral water bottles and cold cans of POKA Green Tea, the gate was opened and we were ready to sing our hearts out. The lights were out, Adam Simons from the Wanderer took the stage, warming up the crowd before he hit the very same stage as The Maine’s additional guitarist / keyboardist.

Before the show starts, I kept thinking “which song would most likely made me tear up?”. My heart was just beating in its regular tempo. I was excited, but most of my friends were standing against the barricade while I stood against their backs. It felt okay, the stage was very near to where I stood, I would still be able to see them up close, and I did.

First song in, I sang out loud. I knew the lyrics to Slip The Noose, I could feel the energy from the entire room, it felt magical. But it wasn’t enough to keep me off the ground. Something was still missing. I wasn’t entirely okay. I was happy, but it didn’t feel the way it used to. When the band started playing the intro to Am I Pretty, I couldn’t help but look at John’s face and wonder... If a man that looks as good and as gorgeous as him still question his look, where would that leave me? I never really cared about what others are saying about how I look but at that moment, I didn’t feel pretty. My plus size clothing felt like they weigh another kg, but it wasn’t until they started singing Broken Parts I truly broke down.

I cried several times during the show while singing to Am I Pretty, (un)lost, How Do You Feel but listening to the first line of Broken Parts that goes like this “ well it isn't getting easier“...

My mind immediately raced back to the hardest weeks of my life that just ended exactly one week before September 12th, 2019. My mind raced back to when Crowd Surfers was hitting rock bottom and was getting so many shits. So I cried, not caring about the mascara and my perfect winged-eyeliner. My journey with Crowd Surfers was a wild ride and the moment John sang “But we're not beyond repair” that I realized, I was the broken part of this team, no, my team is not broken, but I am. I cried even harder.

I’ve cried during a song at another show before, but I’ve never cried as hard as I did during this song. In other shows, I would cry at some songs that felt personal, but I wouldn’t cover my face with both of my hands. That very night, I covered my face until halfway of the song. I didn’t open my eyes and/or see the band perform this song live before me, I just cried until I felt hands pulling me close, and I did one thing I don’t usually do, I embrace the hugs and let them see me crying. I let my walls down, all those defense mechanisms I had, I let them all go. For several minutes, I let the people around me handle me with care. For that moment, I wasn’t the one looking out for people. They looked out for me and it felt really nice. It felt really good. Somehow, as soon as the song ends, the four walls around me are back and I’m back on the looking out for people mode.

Especially when John decided he’d crowd-surf. My immediate response was helping the girls next to me when they fell. Mr. Lead-Singer was right in front of my face because the people holding him weren’t as strong, yet some girls were already falling, so I got no time to interact with him, my focus shifted back to getting the girls up like I always did. Yet that moment made me realize one thing. I’ve grown. I went from the girl who wanted a frontman or any favorite band member for myself to not giving a fuck about them when I saw others in need.

There was also a moment during Black Butterfly and Dejavu where I thought about this person. I’ve known him since 2015, I think. We talked a lot, met a few times, and I still keep something of his which I should probably return soon. The lyrics “ Just another lovesick afternoon, black butterflies and déjà vu. Hoping for the right words. Waiting for the right words.” really got to me and... Well, I’m hoping that 26 letters could explain my feeling toward this person.

It was also during the encore, Another Night On Mars, I realized something. That there’s someone I know, someone I’ve known since 2009, someone I watched The Maine with for the first time back in 2010, was in the same bulding yet I couldn’t see her. She wasn’t a part of my then current-group and Mars felt a little incomplete without her. We stopped talking altogether last year yet it didn’t feel right letting her be alone at that moment. I felt another guilt coming up my gut. 

The moment the show ended and I saw her, I called her and apologized. We hugged. That moment felt like forever. It gave me a sense of peace. I didn’t even remember why I stopped talking to her, but that hug... that hug was what I needed. A sense of familiarity from the past, a reminder that I wasn’t always this uptight.

We then queued for a meet and greet with the band, a group of 5 or 6 people, they said. I went into the meet and greet with the people I cared about, resulting in this sweet little picture of us and The Arizona Boys.

Alright, we didn’t stop here. I was still on a mission to get some of my friends’ belonging signed by the band since we couldn’t ask for selfies or sign during the meet and greet, sadly I didn’t get it. I didn’t get the signature and I was beating myself hard because I managed to get a video and picture of myself with John, but no sign.

I didn’t want to post anything related to The Maine because I felt bad. My friend asked only for one thing and I failed. I did that, the fault was mine. Besides, in the picture I took with John, he looked very good and I didn’t feel pretty. The picture was taken after the show, after those break downs. My hair was greasy, my foundation wore off, no concealer concealed the dark circle under my eyes, my winged eyeliner was no longer visible, my lip color turned a shade brighter than it was initially.

During the meet and greet earlier, I told John I’ve never broken down as hard as I did during Broken Parts. John offered me a hug and whisper into my ear, “I’m glad you’re here tonight. I hope you’re gonna be OK in time. Thanks for the bracelet.”

Yes, I gave him the EMONIGHTJKT By Crowd Surfers bracelet in which we'll donate some of the profits to this organization called Into The Light to help to spread the suicide prevention awareness.

So yeah, having that message coming from John, I dare myself to look at the picture of him and I and the more I look at the picture, the more I felt like I deserved that. It wasn’t until Friday I posted my picture and John up on my Instagram Story, and I will post it again today, on my Instagram Feed. Because I now feel worthy of this picture.