#but anyway even if they were doing smth for her music it would still be so funny bc miss girly has forgotten she's supposed to be a singer

[yellowloid]

so i think the most likely thing is they were doing something related to her music. THAT i can believe but the engagement photoshoot rumors......like have you SEEN that man he'd rather get kicked in the balls

[ixiot-ghostrebel]

Hi! Finally able to request. I really enjoy your work!

Can you try a creator who use their power through music (like singing or playing instrument) in an Imposter-AU with the Archons? (The voice of the Creator is heard as the sound of nature like wind or water, though. No one knows their true voice)

Thank you so much.

🎄Merry Christmas🎄

Welcome @peaceindreams ! I'll see what I can do with Your Request :D

Also VERY LATE Merry Christmas—I'm writing this a few days after Christmas.

Archons Realize Reader is a MUSICIAN WOAHHH

To be honest, you were kinda just minding your business when the Archons found you and your ever-singing glory.

They SHOOKETH so good job! Let's nitpick at their reactions! >:)

(Warning: Might be OOC!)

Venti

Wisp boi HELLA SHOOKETH. But he also happi boi so good job!

Wants to hear your voice sing and not the wind just continues to gently smack his face. Don't get him wrong, he's probably the only one who can actually listen and understand and compute with what you're singing, but like he really wants to hear your actual voice. He thinks it'll be such a treat!

"Your Graceee...Is there a way to let these humble gods hear your voice? Pleaseee? This bard will make a ballad about it and the world shall start spewing about it right after!~ Hehe, it'll be a big hit, one as grand as your visage!"

He really wants to hear you sing now. Good luck explaining that you got no control over dis :)

Zhongli

GRANDPA ABSOLUTELY SHOOKETH. But he finds it pleasant to see that you're having fun and enjoying your time in Teyvat.

Unlike the airhead beside him, he cannot understand what you are singing, and he feels kinda disappointed that he can't enjoy it too. He would share the memory—

Ahem, anyways. Loves it, 100%. Bro's a huge supporter even though he legit has, like, zero comprehension of the situation. He's also giving Venti some bombasic side-eyes.

"Your Grace, please do not be pressured by this wind god. While it would be a stunning blessing, do NOT feel like you owe us anything." You know those memes where like, one person is forcing someone's head to bow while they bow to apologize to whoever got offended? Yeah, it's that one meme except it's Zhongli making Venti bow for his idiocy.

Grandpa wants to hear your voice fr this time, but bro's not gonna force it upon you. Grandpa will, nevertheless, share the memory over osmanthus wine, because "Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I—"

Ei

Raiden Ei, Raiden Ei...I honestly think she feels like she doesn't DESERVE to hear you sing. Like, she feels like she just intruded on your personal space and she crossed some sort of line.

But the wind's pleasant and all of the surrounding area is practically glowing as you sing. Your voice practically carries throughout the place, becoming the nature, the water, the wind, everything.

"Your Grace, you need not heed to the request at all. We are more blessed to be in your presence enough." As much as she's getting more and more used to the present times of Teyvat, she's still kinda stuck in her ways a little. She still thinks of you highly and does not let her beliefs falter.

She really doesn't think she deserves to hear your voice, but she is also very curious. Never wants to push though because she's old-school.

Puppet Shogun looking at this and going "This will be forever engraved in eternity" as Ei is shaking the Puppet Shogun by the shoulders like "NO, WE SHOULD NOT BE HEARING THIS WHAT KIND OF PROGRAM ARE YOU ON I DID NOT PROGRAM YOU LIKE THIS—"

All in all? Mental crisis! :D

Nahida

Cute god loves you! She loves how the flowers bloom, how the wind flows, how the water speaks—not even analogies can describe the amazingness of it all!

She's grinning so wide with such wholesome-wide eyes, like an actual child discovering music for the first time or smth ykwim? IT'S ADORABLE IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY.

"Your Grace...is it possible if we could see this more? You don't have to, of course, but this is really amazing!" She's practically GLOWING with excitement and nervousness. While Nahida wants to hear you sing and see you enjoying your time, she doesn't want to push boundaries!

Safe to say, she'll support whatever your answer will be!

Furina

Girl's flabbergasted. She thinks she might have been sent to both celestia and hell because it was hard to compute whether she was trespassing or if she was being blessed.

Furina is utterly speechless to how your voice alone commands presence and power without even needing to try so hard. Anyone, absolutely anyone, can tell you are truly the Almighty Creator.

Though she's retired from being the Hydro Archon, she still has the slight dramatic flare she has had for 500 years. And she's got to say, she absolutely loved your performance!

"Your Grace, if I could humbly suggest a request on the behest of the follow archons beside me." Furina dramatically bows a little. "May we be humbled by your presence, and continue to gaze upon our unfathomed eyes of what a real god can truly do in the likes of the world? I'm sure this will bring many beautiful pieces of art—be it music, visual arts, dramatic arts, and so on!" Girlie doesn't realize she made a beautiful monologue about your singing on the spot, but one thing's for sure—she loves you and you singing, even if her ears can't understand it. It was still a beautiful piece.

After all, she was the All-Powerful Hydro Archon before she retired. She knows power and art when she sees it, and you bypass all forms of mortal concepts. You're practically her favorite musician!

Please grace her—I mean them—with your singing! It's too beautiful to miss!

Ghost Rebel Side Notes: I am SAD I couldn't finish this when it was still AROUND CHRISTMAS SOBBING, but I hope y'all like this post, though! Hopefully my next post won't take too long—but I'm not gonna say anything because rn I'm EATING those words up like it's for breakfast lol—I'll see you all next time :)

✦ Check out The Ghost Rebel’s Blog Description & Info Page to See if Their Mailbox is Open! ✦

[thatdeadaquarius]

Reader that can emit sounds from their memory(like as an aura)

Walk into a room? Why do I hear boss music

Comedic timing? Fuck yeah.

Bored? Jumpscare noise.

Zhongli talking? Jeopardy theme.

Someone is annoying? Earrape.

Think about it!

Hello! I’m the 12th Harbinger, aka as CHIL- bitch shut the fuck up, WHATS UP ITS YA BOY AQUARIUSSS- /ref

lmao imagine you walking into a room like this in teyvat, with like that audio I SAVE BY GIVING IT CPR- TIGHT AS VIRGIN BOY DONT GET NERVOUS-

(also ill stop apologizing for the late replies to these, bc as we all know by now that im slow and u will get answered eventually i promise tumblr most likely didnt delete u guys asks im just hoarding them LMAO)

I’ve been super busy running in circles so sorry about ghosting! I still very much enjoy and love u guys and love seeing you guys enjoy my stuff :’) 

Still cant believe that, but thank you!

JEOPARDY THEME MUSIC WHEN ZHONGLI TALKS

HE’D BE SO CONFUSED

THINKIN HE GOT AN ANCIENT CURSE HE DOESNT KNOW ABT PUT ON HIM OR SMTH BC HE’S ALWAYS BEING STALKED BY THIS SONG-

(tbh unless the person is super observant I dont think most ppl would get that it’s YOU causing this chaos lmao)

◇

Like I can see Zhongli eventually getting it lol, other ppl I could see after the first few weeks of interacting with you (esp bc you mix it up, honestly it was only bc u kept playing the jeopardy theme over and over when Zhongli ranted on too long that he got it was you 💀):

Heizou (he’s the best detective on all of Inazuma’s islands, ofc he got it! no he will not acknowledge that he totally thought you were hiding a very musical tanuki somewhere on your person at all times lol)

◇

Alhaitham and Cyno (haitham took like, two hours of walking around town with you and knew, bc he’s a little know-it-all lazy bastard like that, and Cyno is actually just really aware, despite what most ppl think, he’s the General Mahamatra and not just a regular Mahamatra for a reason after all)

◇

Tighnari (i stg he can like, smell when bullshittery is happening in his vicinity …or... hear?)

◇

Venti (unsurpringly, he’s totally in love with this power of yours, i mean he definitely loves you cares about you a lot he says, but you’re starting to think he’s just lying to butter you up into pranking Diluc, Barbara, Jean, and really the entirety of Mondstadt more often  including Zhongli just so he can laugh until he’s on the ground again, also he definitely once asked you to make a dragon sound that’s the equivalent of shouting FUCK at Dvalin when he was flying overhead one day)

◇

Hmm

Hm hm hmmmm

Who elseee, i need a characcctterrr lisstttt…

Albedo (duh, he’s albedo, you think he has an entirely too thick folder dedicated to your recent obsessions, you rant a lot about it while playing and also he can access your browsing history 👀, and he somehow doesn't know that about you?? You’re like, literally one of his long-term, there-for-life, has-bought-a-house-for-free-in-his-head-you- arent-even-on-rent-anymore, hyperfixations or special interests. Autistic!Albedo is autistic, Because I Am Your God, And I Say It Is So.)

◇

Dehya (always knows when its you walking around near her bc you like to listen to your old world’s songs too often when you arent pranking bitches, she actually rlly likes it and your music tastes…)

☆

HOLY FUCK SPEED RUN BC GOD THERE’S TOO MANY BITCHES WANNA BE YOUR BABY, RIDING AROUND IN A DAMN MERCEDES-

OKAY-

SO not all in the same way or at the same time, or even the same length of time did they realize you literally change background music or some shit so I’ll let you just- you know okay- like you get it- you get it.

Xiao, Kazuha, Kaeya, Diluc, Ayato, Yae Miko, Keqing, Qiqi, Klee, Sara, Kuki, Nahida, Ningguang, Rosaria, Scaramouche/Babygirl, Dainsleif, Kokomi, Xinyan, Yun Jin, Yelan. 

Jfc got the whole damn pride flag up here

Anyway everybody else outta luck, at least takes em a month or longer to get it lol

♡

Sorry abt the end there i didnt feel like writing out all those bitches bc the few I did before were already longer than I thought they’d be…

Also, I am posting these spam of drafts (and that old follower 100+ event possession headcanons in prep for the next 2 weeks bc I will be really busy, again :/

Got spring break shenanigans this week, then I’ll be running around like a cat with zoomies bc im getting ready to install/actually submit my artworks for the gallery exhibition! 

…wish me luck or prayers or anything good from any god you believe in, I need the strength. 

With love, safe travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[the-s1lly-corner]

Caine, Kinger, Pomni and Jax dating chubby!fem!reader who is veery insecure like she was bullied irl before and now feels awkward about herself in relationship or smth like that anyway thanks!!!! ik jax will prolly be an asshole tho dats ok

Various TADC characters x chubby!insecure!reader

I'm so mad for sleeping on kiss their music is so good

Characters: caine, kinger, pomni, jax

Notes: reader is fem, jax's part isnt sweet in comparison to the others, written on mobile

CWs: bullying and body issues

CAINE

Has no real tastes, you're the first person hes ever really dated so hes still learning what he likes and doesnt like

What he does know he likes if YOU!

Oh? you're insecure? that's not going to last long so long as you're his partner/friend, hes going to be showering you in praise and compliments

And he would do it regardless of what you looked like

Doesnt really understand why anyone would make you feel bad for the way you look, especially given you're in a digital body

He may be able to understand if you explain, and rest assured hes going to be so so confused on how anyone could be so mean to you of all people

KINGER

Hes also reassuring like Caine, but hes not as upfront and hyped about it- if I'm wording it right.. hes not going to be right in your face about it and screaming his praises from the roof tops

Hea much more one on one and personal when speaking about his love for you

Holds you as well, even if it's just his hand he makes sure you're both physically connected when he assures you that hes in love with you and thinks you're beautiful

Leaves you notes and poems for you to find... hes..

Not the best at writing poems but the effort is endearing

Very loud when standing up for you, he will not let anyone say anything mean about you when hes around

POMNI

Shes a little awkward about it but it's not for any bad reason or any reason that it's your fault

She just thinks you're so pretty and she doesnt want to day anything that would make think otherwise or feel worse

So so careful about her wording that she may come off as disingenuous but if you press her about it it becomes clear that shes sincere

You both talk about your own insecurities, both before and currently as you are in the circus

She looks at you with those wide huge eyes she gets sometimes

Pomni boggles its canon guys and she does it to her girlfriend/j

JAX

I feel like he would lighten up as the two of you get closer but the idea that the dynamic starts off with him as best teasing you and at worst actually saying/doing mean things leaves an off taste in my mouth...

If this were prior to episode 2 one could argue that he may spare you but given that hes fine with blackmail and leaving an entire kingdom to be eaten alive, I dont think hes above making.. comments

Like do I think hes going to call you every ugly name in the book? No, but some of the things still sting

Do NOT breathe around him if you're insecure

Easily the only one who wouldn't be able to have a normal/decently healthy relationship because of how he starts it off

[lionmythflower]

Peter pettigrew hcs

he's trans :)

genderqueer and doesn't care what pronouns ppl use for him but he prefers he/they

He's a pudgey little thing but he's fine with it

He's a PROUD 2 inches taller than Sirius lol

asexual (him and evan bond over this)

He brings the best snacks on road trips

Will forget everything but the smallest of details

Like oh he can't really remember ur name but he does know that you played soccer for 2 years when you were in primary school

Hates the snow. Absolutely despises it (same)

Would have loved Lord of the rings

autistic but like the type that like when he tells ppl they're like "rlly? You don't seem autistic."

Hates running with a burning passion

had an eating disorder at some point but he got help for it

Still wears makeup and stuff even though he's trans bc fuck gender roles :)

He's first friends were James and Marlene (I heard someone say barty as well and I love that)

Hates the nickname wormy but is fine with wormtail

Constantly has seasonal allergies

Panic attacks

Yk the one person in troto that plays Peter? Ya that is hands down the best face claim/fan cast

Knows how to crochet

I feel like music would help calm him down

Like during panic attacks or stuff like that

Has hair that's like down to his shoulders but layers

100% had a crush on james when they were kids

Peter,evan, and barty are all besties

PANDORA AND PETER GOSSIP TOGETHER

Peter is the only one that all the girls get along with lmao

So Peter is invited to every girls night bc they love him

He clenches and unclenches his fists when he's angry (HELP THAT ONE MEME PLS)

He knows EVERYTHING. and I mean EVERYTHING. who's dating who, who has a crush on who, who doesn't like who, who pretends not to like who. He knows it all

So does pandora and sometimes lily and they all gossip

Peter, Evan and lily are js a group of trans asexuals. No I will not explain

(I lied, I will explain a bit) "My ribs are bruised again" "same" "lol can't relate" "fuck you Evans" "ilyt rosier" (Peter, Evan, lily, Evan, lily)

Benji is his queer platonic partner :)

HE'S SO GOOD AT COOKING

LIKE EXTREMELY GOOD

Peter cooks for Remus when the full moon hits

And he cooks for james when he's feelings down

and he cooks for Sirius when he's having trouble in anyway w smth

Idc what u say all the marauders loved Peter and they were all equal

Peter would he such a gas lighter 😭😭

"Wdym? That's always been there. Your imagining things. "

Peter and reg are pretty good friends actually lol

"He was a death eater tho!!!" Ok and?

Peter would do that thing where if he's lying down and doing smth he'll always have one arm in the air. No one knows why he does this but their js used to it at this point

Anxiety is a bitch and Peter has it

Ppl thinks he's kinda slow sometimes but it's js cuz he needs to triple check everything and needs clear instructions bc he doesn't want to mess anything up

Would have so many pillows

He loves plants

And mushrooms

James, Marlene and him are all trans and they transitioned together

Painted nails>>>>>

He would have different themes for he's nails each time he painted them

The moon phases for Remus, Suns for james, constellations for Sirius and regulus, stars for Marlene, flowers for lily, and hearts for Mary (her name means beloved), roses for evan, snakes for barty, jewels for Dorcas, Ravens for Benji, and crystals n spirals for pandora

He also paints Evan's nails

He's always tapping little patterns on everything and sometimes he's friends will notice and try to tap the same pattern (it normally takes them a while to figure it out)

Fidgets a lot

Everyone thinks that Peter and Sirius are not as good as friends are they are w the rest of the marauders but in reality, Sirius and Peter will js playfully insult each other (nothing that will actually hurt but there are a lot of death threats<3) and laugh abt it later

"Oi, Pete, you look a lot like a rat!" "I will tear you limb from limb siri" "the feeling is mutual"

He would also love vines as a type of room decor

Okie that's all who should I do next??? Pandora or lily?? Or sm1 else???

[wrongcaitlyn]

i wanted to know if you have any plans for the og campers???? like luke, clarisse, silena, beckendorf, etc etc

this is SO funny bc i was literally JUST talking to @wronghuntress about them like a few hours ago😭😭 BUT to answer your question,,, it's sort of complicated. bc i didn't realize that i was doing it until like a good way into the series, but i've been unintentionally picturing pretty much all of the og campers/people from the main pjo series as part of the acting side of hollywood, whereas i've been leaning more toward, like, toa/side/minor characters for the rest of the main cast! this makes sense to me because like, nico and will get their big moment in toa, and apollo's a huge character too. percy and annabeth are actors obviously, but i did give them some connections to nico - but either way, i guess i just saw all of those characters as not really having any sort of connection to nico & will (even though i'm the hugest fan of will being close with clarisse and silena and beckendorf- he was totally will's bi awakening it's canon u heard it from me)

but anyway im getting off track, i've sort of had like a completely separate plotline for them going on in my head (not really detailed at all, i'd have to think about it more), dealing with more of those og characters, including percy annabeth and grover! i'm not entirely sure if that'll ever be included in the main fic seeing as they don't have much connection to nico's storyline specifically, but who knows... maybe a spinoff fic one day? i definitely won't be able to write some long 100k fic for them but i'd love to dive into that!

the only thing that i DO see happening is - if you remember this, a while ago, i mentioned the possibility of a third fic or some future plans for nico to write a musical to get that egot, namely hadestown. while the idea was being organized in my head, i've been thinking of silena as helping nico write the musical and playing eurydice, and then ofc i'd love having beckendorf play orpheus - i think he gives the vibes?? or is that just me???

and then jenna (wronghuntress) gave me the BEAUTIFUL idea earlier today of this... silena and charlie as actors, specifically broadway/musical theater actors (though im sure they have also been in some other projects), clarisse as silena's bodyguard,,, and im usually so against love triangles but like. there's so much potential there - again, nothing's finalized, i dont even know if i'm gonna write it, i don't really have ANY plans other than potentially making nico contact silena when he wants to work on his musical and having them + beckendorf work together for the demo recording - it's all VERY vague and blurry so we'll see if i come up with anything more to fall down that rabbit hole!

and as for luke, i pretty much have this: he's an actor, at some point he was prob friends with annabeth after working on a show together or smth, and ends up getting cancelled. for what? i'm not entirely sure yet, but it's probably very shitty for the internet to turn against a hot white guy. actually that fact might make him getting cancelled very unrealistic. but like it's my fic so that's what i'm saying happens! unfortunately he prob still gets roles and he's prob still like a millionaire and stuff but in general: bad person. though he probably (and thalia, because she used to be an actress too before running away) were in a movie/show/something with annabeth when she was young and they kinda mentored her/helped her learn the ropes before her big break. they started a club of neglected child actors which eventually turned into just annabeth, but at least she has percy and reyna and jason and piper and magnus on her side now :)

so long story short: i don't have specific plans, but they're all actors and definitely have a lot of lore that one day i would like to try to figure out!! for now i'm still very focused on tgol/the side stories that take place in THAT main timeline (so right now it'd be 2020-2024), whereas all of the main drama/plot in the actors' timeline would be happening BEFORE talk your talk (percy + annabeth + thalia + luke + silena) (around 2008-2015) or AFTER the greatest of luxuries (silena + clarisse + beckendorf + chris(??? i have no idea what's going on with him?? he's prob famous somehow but idk??? or maybe like childhood friend tis the damn season vibe. god there are so many fame tropes i have yet to unlock and so many characters i have yet to mess with) (around 2024-2026)

thank you for the ask!! i hope that one day when i have some more time to make some playlists, properly listen to hadestown, and learn more about musical theater/broadway/acting in general, i'll be able to answer the question more thoroughly!!

[blush-and-books]

okay okay whats ur dream episode of suits ??

ahhh ok so i've been really thinking about this and i still don't really have a good answer but here goes :)) sorry this took so long i have been cooking on it for the past couple of days!!💞

there's a couple of episode types i would really like to see. first of all, one of my favorite shows of all time (and the reason I started this blog like ten years ago) had an episode in their third season that put it's main couple (when they were in a will they/won't they point of their relationship) in an isolated situation and basically the entire 45 minutes was them going through various hurdles and discovering things about their relationship along the way.

my donnaharvey nonsense braincell would fucking LOVE an episode like this. like some kind of plotline where harvey has some kind of conference to attend for the firm and they obviously get two invitations but since the firm is always in shambles, they can't afford to send more than one senior/named partner away, and so they let donna go with harvey instead and she has to feed him the names of everyone they meet that hes supposed to already know. even tho in the show they're professional partners, i feel like we never explicitly see little donna and harvey work adventures like we see for him and mike. obviously harvey and mike have these adventures bc the show is about them but anyways

or an episode where there's a brutal case or smth and it's just an episode of him and donna in his office together for hours. idk where mike is - helping louis, maybe, or dealing with a case of his own, or the case that harvey is working on is just too delicate or high risk for him to want mike involved. so it's just him and donna. maybe marcus calls at some point, or donna's dad. they listen to gordon's records and talk about their families and their futures etc etc. i would love for this to feel like an expansion of when his office got moved to that lower floor and donna just had to sit across from him at his desk to do her work bc there wasn't an intercom.

OR, WAIT, the episode is about harvey's annual heart checkup and they call him back to run more tests after an inconclusive initial exam, and he needs to have someone drive him/pick him up, and of course donna finds out this is happening and just kind of invited herself along to wait with him for the results of the tests because she knows this annual appointment is like brutal for him every year. the whole episode he aggressively tells her to go away and she stays the whole time. yaps her ass off. but when the nurse comes out with the results of the tests he has to grab donna's hand. and regardless of the outcome he starts to cry the second that they get into the car. donna holds his hand and leans her head on his shoulder while he lets it out. they go up to his place for a drink afterwards, maybe they listen to some music, or watch a movie. while all of this is happening, mike is on a very silly case adventure with louis and jessica is enlisting rachel's help with a case that could come with some bad press for the firm, and they need to avoid that as much as possible. i thought rachel and jessica were a really great pair and i wanted more of them!!!!!

similarly i would love for something bad to happen to donna (affectionate) that just derails harvey completely and he spends the episode with her in the hospital while everyone else is dealing with like insane levels of bullshit from daniel hardman or someone and harvey has a big trial when donna is supposed to get a surgery and she tells him to go but he takes one step into the courtroom and had a panic attack bc they didn't get to do the can opener ritual and hes convinced he's cooked so he runs back to the hospital after haphazardly throwing everything onto mike at the last minute.

uuuh ALSO a holiday episode. CHAOTIC HOLIDAY EPISODE PLEASE. the firm is not decorated and nobody has the holiday spirit except, like, rachel, and probably donna too. harvey and mike are emo about the holidays due to family trauma and louis is getting everyone Hanukkah gifts. there's probably a firm party that's planned by rachel and louis to get everyone into the holiday spirit. harvey contemplates going to marcus's, and impulsively invites donna to come with him after mike makes some plot important speech at the firm party about he finally feels like he has a family to celebrate the holidays with again after his grandmother died, and how he doesn't ever want to take the time he has with his loved ones for granted. there's some joke about donna already buying her own gift from harvey bc he never knows what to get her.

in general i really like the idea of a bottle episode and would love an episode that takes place like, entirely in the file room, and we just see snippets of conversations or arguments or illicit meetups that happen in the file room over the course of one day. i feel like that format would be very cool.

this was a terrible answer to your question bc honestly i just think about what i would like to see between donna and harvey and that's not a good way to go about it but oh well!! thank you so much for this ask i love getting to write obnoxious long winded answers 💖💖💖🥹

also would love an episode where jessica meets a badass lawyer who just got brought in as a name partner at a competitor firm but the badass lawyer is a very beautiful and intimidating woman possibly played by lucy liu and they fall in love. yup!!

[eri-pl]

Silm reread 8 Flight of the Noldor.

Yavanna cannot make the Trees again because That's How Things Work. At least we get a clear statement (again) that she did create their light, so sorry musicals, the Trees did not contain the Flame Imperishable. (I know in one abandoned later revision they kind of maybe did, but also it is like nails on chalkboard to me)

And Yavanna says that their harm would be undone and Melkor's evil would not reach its goal. Very Yavanna thing to say, very "where's the undo button". I'm not a fan. Like, I get her and it's not evil or smth… but… sorry, my pretty green lady, this doesn't work like this.

Tulkas. Can't you just sit still? (No, he can't.)

"Not the first one"! This line always makes me smile, it's just so "random oneliners to say". (I don't think Namo is rude, I think he's just quite alien and doesn't understand CoI and their psychology)

Despite being left to brood in silence, Feanor is paranoid anyway. :(

Capital D Darkness again — it's Ungoliant's stuff.

Finwë died on the threshold of Formenos — defending the house, but it is assumed, I think, because everyone else ran away. Either he had a weapon in hand, or they just assumed he was not trying to run away. Anyway nvm the narrative frame, the indent is that he was defending the house, so ok, why not. Very brave of him.

Feanáro curses a lot:

curses Melkor and renames him

curses Manwë's summons (so it was Manwë who ordered him to come? This would be some overstepping. I'll assume it was Manwë inviting him personally to come and Ingwë ordering him. Or just Manwë ordering him to come not as his ruler, but as ruler of this land, like "if you want any chance to be unbanned from Tirion, you must come")

curses the hour when he left home (very puzzling thing to do imo, but it is a genre thing I suppose)

Melkor wanted to kill Feanor mostly. So the book says. i am honestly surprised he didn't— oh wait. Maybe putting the Silmarils on his face and the pain was what made him shift from "kill Feanáro and his kin" to… well, all those stuff he did with Maedhros.

Morgoth can't ditch the spider. :D I suppose this confirms that now he is fixed in his body. She calls him Black Heart (derogatory, I suppose?) which nobody else does. It is kind of cute when your overgrown ex-pet murder spider has a pet name for you. :P

The "I rule the worls" stuff. I think this is the first time we see him say it (at least in the well-established canon timeline).

The Silmarils are in a box, and they still start burning him. So:

the burning increases or at least increases until it reaches its full level

they are small enough and Morgoth is big enough that he can hold the box with them all in his hand (right. does it have any meaning?)

It's confirmed that Morgoth had given Ungoliant some of his power and she'd grown and he'd lessenned. I assume it was during their initial negotiations.

She puts a web on him if not a full cocoon. The Balrogs have to free him with the flaming ...I forgot the word.

Also, the Balrogs were hiding in the deep dungeons after Angband, which suggests they did not work for/with Sauron. they seem very much like Morgoth's private guard. Also, they free him without question despite the fact that he seems pretty weak at this point.

The Balrogs have no problem chasing away Ungoliant, I attribute it to their connection with light (or at least fire. But fire is a kind of light, even their fire).

Yavanna was afraid that the Silmarils would be eaten by the darkness. this sounds very much like her.

Morgoth:

calls himself king of the world (the contrast of this and his situation...)

his hands are permanently black with burns and always in pain (which angers him even more)

also his crown seems to hurt him

seriously what is wrong with you?

you need therapy

seriously is insane at this point

also has a super powerful aura of fear

The Valar sit and (think, I guess), their courts (Maiar and Vanyar) cry about the Trees, the Noldor go back to Tirion. Suddenly Feanor. Who technically is still banished, which I think is more of a case of "the Valar had other priorities and he didn't ask" or "we aren't going to let him back to his brother in this state of emotions because there wil be more murders" than "revenge for not giving the Silmarils o Yavanna".

Also, now, of all times, is when many of the Noldor learn about the Men being a thing. Because before that Melkor told a few in secret and tehy apparently told Feanáro in secret… Peak unfortune timing. Peak planning on Melkor's side (not that he could now appraciate it).

Also, in Polish it's not "jealous gods", but "jealous Valar" which is interesting, but I think it makes sense. Still, it is out-Tolkiening the Tolkien I think.

Oh. Another part I need in English, because it's so important.

After Morgoth to the ends of the Earth! War shall he have and hatred undying. But when we have conquered and have regained the Silmarils that he stole, then behold! We, we alone, shall be the lords of the unsullied Light, and masters of the bliss and the beauty of Arda! No other race shall oust us!’ [src]

Oh my. It is so much.

First, it is obvious that "reclaim the Silmarils" is (in his mind) the relatively easy, or at least short, part.

Second: "We, we alone, shall be the lords of the unsullied Light, and masters of the bliss and the beauty of Arda!" I don't think this needs any comments.

Aaaand then they swear the Oath.

It's just one huge downward spiral, and he talks himself into it. Yes, trauma, but why are you pouring gasoline on it??? They all need… a lot. And to stop pouring gasoline on everything.

Fefe. I am so dissapointed with you. I am sad. I don't have the words for this. Also, you hate Morgoth, but you two are so similar sometimes.

Oh, and in the Silm they do not call Eru, they call the Everlasting Darkness to claim them if they break their oath. At least according to the translation. also, yes, revenge and hatered is mentioned, but no requirement to succeed in killing the offenders.

Galadriel is enthusiastic about Feanáro's plans, even though she dislikes him. :P

Manwë is silent, because he doesn't want to stop Feanor. Because he careas about the Noldor feeling enslaved! At least the translation says it pretty clearly. They (the Valar, or at least M&V) sit and watch, hoping that the Noldor will calm down.

Politics, politics… Fingolfin goes because Fingon, and the people, and he promised. Mentioned in this order.

90% of all the Noldor go (to Alqualonde and north, it's unclear how many came back with Finarfin). I wonder if it is of all the Noldor or just of the male Noldor. Because most of the women seem to stay.

Eonwë (not named, but seems like him. Technically it may be another Maia) comes to give them advice. Just an advice. Explicitely says that the Valar will not stop them and they came freely, they can leave freely.

Finarfin and Finrod and all the "wisest of Noldor" are in the back and carry a lot of stuff. Good for them.

Túna was nearly at the equator! Oh. interesting. They are very, very far from the Helcaraxe, and I assume nobody invited navigation without seeing the shores (sorry I don't know the English one word term for this). So they have a logistics problem.

The Teleri seem to refuse any help because they don't want to go against the Valar. Even though the Valar did not forbid it, they just said it was a bad idea. The Teleri just trust them, because Ulmo is cool. Also, they don't have much experience with Morgoth and assume "the Valar will fix it all".

An arguement ensues.

Fefe leaves, broods, and returns to Alqualonde when he has enough army. Then he starts seizing the ships. The Teleri push the Noldor to water, a fight ensues. Fingon join them and assumed that the Teleri were ordered by the Valar to stop the Noldor and attacked them. So, Finarfin and his team was not there. Fingolfin might not be at the battle either?

Olwë calls Ossë for help (so, he did survive), and we have the hilarious "I can't because the Valar forbade us to stop the Noldor. However, my wife, who has a clear recorc, will drown them with her crying anyway."

Blatant ad for the Maglor. "…for more details, see the Noldolante…" This is hilarious.

so they all go far, and it takes a long time. Some (most trusted by Feanor) go on the ships, other on foot. they travel from the equator to, idk, but a pretty cold area.

And only then, after probably weeks of travel, they get Namo(or is it?) and the Doom of the Noldor. (I need to correct one of my fics. This fact makes it 3 times more hilarious. even with the Maiarin teleportation).

Finarfin comes back, and he walks all the distance back. Has a lot of time to think, I guess. Many elves join him, but no number estimates or percentages. :(

The rest go further north.

Helcaraxe was assumed impassable. So no, nobody could predict Fingolfin would led his people there.

This was a very, very long chapter.

[fluffypotatey]

OK SO! the tommyinnit 101. technically this isn't really tied to an smp though.

so first we must start at the very beginning. the dream smp. in late 2020-early 2021, the dream smp was at the height of its popularity, and tommyinnit played one of its most prominent characters (tommy, henceforth referred to as c!tommy). now the thing about c!tommy is that both he and cc!tommy (idk if i've talked about the c! vs cc! divide before but that is its own 101) were under 18 at the time, and therefore if you shipped his character with anyone about 70% of the fandom would tear you apart.

honestly dsmp isn't too relevant here, though, except to introduce tommy and tubbo. you see, in a world of straight men using their little block guys to flirt with one another, tommy was Very vocal about loving women. being Straight was part of his Bit in the same way that being Annoying and playing the able sisters music from animal crossing was.

anyways in late 2022 he uploaded a vlog of him and tubbo getting married, tubbo mostly against his will. they pulled out all the stops- got an ordained minister (their friend scott, who you may recognize from the life series 101s) to do a little ceremony, had a lot of their friends acting as different members of the wedding party, even signed and filed real paperwork!

yep. that's right. they signed legal fucking paperwork. i've heard that tubbo didn't even know it was a marriage certificate, he thought it was a waiver for being in the video or smth. that's right, known straight man tommyinnit tricked his best friend into getting Real Life Legally Married to him, presumably just for shits and giggles.

This fact went unnoticed until mid-late 2023. tubbo was playing on the QSMP with some other people (i know FitMC, not sure who else), and was joking about going to Vegas and getting married to Fit. and then tubbo realized he was still married to tommy.

also, around that time, tommy wrote and published (to wattpad) a rpf crack fic called Tommy x Tubbo Love Triangle, where tommy leaves his Real Life Girlfriend molly for tubbo (molly dies directly afterwards because it was so romantic) and then he and tubbo kiss without tongue. tubbo was not consulted during the production of this fanfiction.

after learning about the marriage, tubbo started working to get a Real Life Divorce from his Real Life Friend Tom. tommy refused to sign the paperwork. if any of this ever goes to court tubbo fully intends to livestream the whole thing.

around 2 months ago, tommy did a parody of "I'm Just Ken" called "I'm Just Tom," in which he begs tubbo not to divorce him. it must be seen to be believed. idk if the link will work in an ask but i need you to see it https://youtu.be/laAPXcxjDlI?si=wPQM3ZJHBIv11Cfr

also if you're wondering how molly, tommy's Real Life Girlfriend, feels about all of this? she thinks it's hilarious. for the past month or two-ish (?), tommy's been doing a stand-up comedy tour in america (because they are all british), and at the same time tubbo's been doing a subathon (aka tubbathon bc it's tubbo) (a subathon is a twitch stream with a timer on it. the stream ends when the timer finishes out, and whenever someone subscribes to the streamer's channel more time is added) (the tubbathon is still going btw and isn't slowing down anytime soon). at one point molly came onto the tubbathon, and tubbo bought her a new phone bc hers was shit. (directly afterwards tommy posted a vlog about it, saying he felt like he was being cucked by his gay husband)

fans have dubbed these three the nightmare polycule, and it's not hard to see why.

and then, finally, this morning (last night in england time), tommy and tubbo were on a phone call. tubbo (gay) encouraged tommy to "say the f slur!" and tommy said, and i quote, "I'm bicurious, so I guess I could say like a fifth of it. [Tochat] Hear that, ya -ggots?"

i needed to tell you all of this so that you would understand the full insanity of all of this. there are some bits that don't really translate unless you were a dsmp fan in the 2020-2021 era, but i need you to see the ongoing insanity this man creates. he had been planning to use that joke for his live comedy show

ok uh

wow

i some pointers on his singing voice (a bit too belty there, that'll damage the throat later, some vowels need rounding)

hilarious that he rhymed Tom with arm

reading this was like a fever dream

molly is me tbh this is the most hilarious drama i have ever read

his comedic timing is beautiful

what the fuck

[lucksdraw]

heyy all ♥ name's lola, here presenting 1/2 of the #601 unit, kim minhyun — probably the worst person to be against when you're playing dodgeball because you will lose, but also someone with an extremely... well. non-flashy, boring power. i haven't been present for the original run of astonish but i've heard only good stuff about it so i am beyond excited to be here. you can read his profile here and a general background here, under the cut i will present more of trivia ♥

his power... basically this whole video. "luck is not a superpower" and doesn't really get you on the front-line of superism rankings, so he's just minding his business trying to survive in a world of heroes and villains. at least when the city is falling apart a-la avengers style, he's gonna come out unscathed? but overall, couldn't really give less about it all, or the glitz and glamour that comes with being a hero. sometimes will even cheer on a villain :/ also aeternal training academies are LAME!

a bit bitter, when you take all things into consideration. like, he could have been spitting fire or having a pair of wings he can fly with, but he's stuck with just being lucky? some people don't even believe him when he says it.... damn... also a bit guilt ridden but that's level 10 friendship unlock x

despite his lucky powers, his whole life is unlucky. as seen in the background preview, not the best upbringing, rough childhood, mild #mommy_issues

on other hand, thanks to his lucky powers, he's very chilled out, laid back, carefree, doesn't care, etcetera; he knows that things will work out for him one way or another. says he doesn't care about others either and is flying solo, but as much as he says he doesn't care, he will end up helping, regardless of how messy of a situation you've got yourself in? you two just met but you need a place to stay at for whatever reason? well. come over ig...

not opposed to doing some illegal stuff. the depth of this will remain redacted for his own good

like sure, he's never gotten the best grades or anything... but if he wanted to, he could take his chance at the slot machine and hit the #jackpot. but it would probably get #cancelled, since he is a registered metahuman after all

works as a snacks attendant @ gg. spends time after shift gaming until his eyes are red. plays league like, #religiously, has an edgy u/n; something like... HER VOICE RESIDES (who gets the reference? mwah..) and plays smth edgy like kayn or zed. GM rank... the whole world is falling apart outside but he's still gaming and climbing the ranks #grind_never_stops

also... does not know anything about any thefts at all. will know if you lend him some money though wink wink!

he's consented to be prodded and to sharing his biomedical data <3 everything for cheaper rent

most of the complaints about him are regarding loud music (he makes up for like 60% of simon dominic's streams) , noises past midnight, or breaking into the building (because he forgot his keys!!), or he's asked someone for some coins so he can wash his clothes @ the laundromat for like the tenth time in row. also, if he's not at work you can almost always see him moping around the building complex and he's recognized by wearing his iconic "fish love me women fear me", "my tummy hurts", "human by chance alpha by choice" and shirts alike. no, he will not reveal where he gets them. it's his personal gold mine

probably biggest fan of minions alive. would adopt a minion if they were real. like, holy shit he loves minions.

depending on who asks, down for some sprinkle sprinkle brownies x

for plot bunnies... given minhyun's character, literally anything goes. he's a bit of a #loser so not too much on romantic aspect... but friends, enemies (different opinions re: aeternals/the academy/blockers), someone who's caught him breaking into a store and is blackmailing!!, fellow gamers, they're party animals together or partners in crime,,. literally anything goes lets brainstorm in ims!!!

anyway. minhyun tweets!!!

[splatoon-edits]

What are your thoughts on the new trailer for the Side Order DLC?

oh cod i have so many thoughts.... like so many thoughts oh my goodness my brain is overflowing with thoughts. So uh this will be under the cut so i can ramble as much as i like.

AAAAAAAAAAA SIDE ORDER NEWS WAS THE BEST POSSIBLE THING I COULD HAVE WOKEN UP TO

the music kinda reminds me of the soundtrack for ENA in some parts, and as a massive Joel G fan myself i approve. (not that the splatoon music team ever doesn't deliver perfection)

FISH. PARROT FISH. MY WHOLE LIFE OF WATCHING DOCUMENTARIES ON THE OCEAN IS HELPING ME FOR ONCE. THOSE THINGS EAT CORAL BITS. They don't eat only coral, and more often they eat the algae OFF of coral, but still. At least, that's what i think they are.

HER

OH MY GOD

DEDF1SH

THIS MEANS THERE ARE GONNA BE SO MANY MORE ANGLES OF HER WITH DIFFERENT POSES AND EXPRESSIONS AND I CAN MAKE EDITS AND ICONS AND ANYTHING I WANT EVER AND DON'T HAVE TO ONLY USE THAT SINGULAR PIECE OF ART FOR HER WHICH IS GREAT CUZ DEDF1SH IS SUCH A COOL CHARACTER AND JUST AAAAAAQWDCGVIJCHEGSASUYDCGI

She was wearing a dress this whole time??????? I thought it was just an oversized t shirt??????

Also when she introduced herself as Acht and i was lil confused as to whether she was going by a new name or that was the localization of Mizuta. But from what i've seen it seems to just be her localized name.

WHY IS SHE HERE(im not complaining but WHY) She was sanitized, she should have lost her personality. Why is she here? Why is she fine? HOW DOES SHE KNOW MARINA?? Like yeah Marina was a well known octarian soldier like i think even 8 knew of her but she didn't know of 8. So like it makes sense that Dedf!sh would know Marina, but why does Marina know Dedf1sh?? Like yeah music is an important part of both inkling and octoling society so like maybe she was also important? Or do they just know each other as friends???

THIS THING

Its so cute!!!!!!!!!! The beloved!!!!!! I adore how expressive they managed to make the face despite it being so simple!!!!!!!

Her lil crown is so adorable!!!!!!!! And the lil tentacle flappy things!!!!!!!

And 8 can ride on it!!!!

AND ITS 8???? imma be honest i was lowkey in the camp that it was gonna be a clone of 8 or smth cuz of how unwilling they were to tell us if it was 8 or not. So it was interesting to get confirmation that it was in fact her!!!! Which like !!!!! EIGHT MY BELOVED!!!!!!!

Anyway, this thing seems like its gonna be like lil buddy in that it can help out. The trailer has a small split second where it has text about powering up the splat bombs from the lil pearl bot or smth. So like yeah seems like it can help. Plus that weird tether?? Laser??? Thing...??? we saw coming out of it.

ALSO INFINITE REPLAYABILITY AND THE PALETTE THING HAVING AN INFINITY LOGO ON IT PLUS IF YOU TURN THE NUMBER 8 SIDEWAYS YOU GET INFINITY AND THE NUMBER 8 WAS THE THEME OF OCTO EXPANSION AND NOW INFINITY MIGHT BE THE THEME OF SIDE ORDEr

i'm pretty sure it had already been confirmed in a dev interview or smth but this is 100% a alternate reality for if chaos had lost and order had won. i'm not sure how i feel about that??? but y'know what its happening so i can't do much about it. plus it does mean they can kinda do whatever they what without affecting canon too much which should lead to something interesting

ok wait back to the pearl bot real quick. the japanese website for side order (after google translated so take this w a grain of salt) says that "it appears to be Hime(pearls jp name) herself inside, but for some reason she appears to be in the form of a drone" SO LIKE??? WHAT???? WHY IS SHE IN THERE. I ASSUMED SHE WAS JUST TRANSMITTING THRU IT WHILE SHE WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE. which like to be fair i was wondering why she was not there in person. but its not like she was there in person for most of octo expansion either so like????

Also if this is taking place in 8s mind (seems unliekly after this) then maybe the drone is her way of communicating to 8 thru all this??? like maybe its smth marina made???

Speaking of Marina. It seems like these two are looking for her. Which would explain the glitched out art of her in the first trailer

ALSO SPEAKING OF THE FIRST TRAILER. 8s hair was brown there but now its seems like its a washed out color. Like it can still change colors(especially near the tip) but its a rlly pale/pastel ink color usually.

OK RANDOM IDEA TIME. a lot of stuff looks digital. (the drone, the animation of 8 spawning into a level, the matrix code looking stuff etc) so like maybe this is a simulation of some kind that marina made to view into an alternate reality? like in that one interview:

She talks about finding a world of order at the end of the world. So maybe she made a device to peer into that world of order? And then her, pearl, and 8 made their way into it.

That might also explain dedfishs use of the phrase "innocent bystander who got SUCKED INTO all of this" so maybe she was nearby at the time of the device activating. But why would she have been there? and if she was there why would marina not have introduced her to pearl and 8??? maybe the device wasnt meant to be activated at that point yet. maybe it wasnt ready

so wheres marina??? she may have gotten separated from the other 2 and so now they are looking for her??? idk i am literally just rambling here. i have no clue whats going on and so many ideas.

but anyway, this all started because i was wondering how you would get to the dlc area. cuz its not like this is happening somewhere else in the world like in octo expansion. THIS IS AN ALTERNATE REALITY.

ALSO OFF TOPIC(do i even have a topic) BUT 8S TIPS OF FINGERS AND HAIR SEEM TO BE AFFECTED BY THE PAINT CHIP THINGS AND LIKE WILL WE GET THAT AS CUSTOMIZATION OPTIONS AFTER

ALSO THE WHOLE IN "INKLING OR OCTOLING FORM THING??" CAN YOU ACTUALLY PLAY AS AN INKLING??? THAT WOULD BE WEIRD. 8 IS A OCTOLING. THIS IS CANON. WHY COULD U BE AN INKLING. IS THIS JUST WEIRD WORDING???? OR CAN YOU PLAY AS ANOTHER AGENT/CHARACTER AS WELL????

ok gonna have to end it here since i had to take my cat to the vet today (dw she is okay) and i am very tired and cannot think any more thoughts at all ok bye!!!!!!!

[abiiors]

okay so while we’re on the topic… i’m a newer fan of the boys, i actually got tickets to one of their concerts back in october when they were touring in america from my aunt even though i had never really been a fan of them (her heart was in the right place 😭😭 bc i do listen to a lot of music that’s like in their sphere ig?? and i’ve been to festivals that they’ve performed at so i can see why she would’ve thought to get me those tickets, i just never really listened to their music before) but i went to the show regardless bc hello free concert tickets?? would have been a sin to let them go to waste tbh and oh my god am i so glad i did, it was actually one of the best shows i’ve ever been too!! especially considering i only really knew their popular songs?? like robbers, somebody else, aaaand it’s not living if it’s not with you

ANYWAYS that being said, since i had never really followed them before i always pretty much ignored anything i saw about them on twitter and stuff, mainly the negative things said abt matty bc not my faves, not my business?? but i gotta ask someone who’s been a fan of them for a lot longer than i have, what iiiis the deal with all the “matty healy racist” “matty healy homophobic” “matty healy [insert smth hateful here]” rhetoric??? bc from what i’ve seen of him after getting to know more abt the band he doesn’t appear that way at all?? like were there things he said that were taken out of context??? what’s up with the nazi accusations??? also homophobic??? is twt not aware of what he did in malaysia?? also straight men that are homophobic would never have the kind of close male friendships that the band have with one another… it seems like he’s twitter’s scapegoat tbh but idk i’m simply so confused and anything i find online trying to explain it all seems very biased based off the language they use so if you can/would like to… pls help 😭

okay first of all, welcome to the fandom!! i'm so glad you're here and i'm so glad you got to see them live!! they genuinely are so so incredible <33

now onto the questions!

i won't say matty's a saint. he's definitely done things in the past that are disappointing (to me at least, as well as to many others on here). last year he went on a podcast called the adam friedland show where many tasteless jokes were made about japanese people, the porn website ghetto gaggers, ice spice as well as countless other tastelss things were said.

now i really really want to clarify that matty never made those jokes but he did laugh along to them which is also a shitty fucking thing to do. he's since said that he was advised not to go on the podcast by people close to him and he still did it. however, he's also publicly apologised to ice spice and she's also said that the 1975 are one of her fav artists.

in may of 2023 he started allegedly dating taylor swift (i still don't believe it, i still think they either just made music or they just fucked or both) which exposed him to a whole new level of fame that was unprecedented. and the swifties are... rabid, to say the least. they made fun of his appearance, his past addiction issues, hoped he would have a relapse and die, all sorts of horrendous stuff. they discovered the podcast which was pretty fresh at the time and the whole thing spiralled into him being labelled a racist, homophobe, transphobe, pedophile, nazi, you name it, he was being called it.

however literally NONE of it was backed by evidence (but i don't expect people whose sole source of information is twt to realise that)

they have clearly never learned what a nazi is. i'm not even going to try to debunk that here because i feel like it would be insulting to your intelligence

he's not homophobic or transphobic, he's literally an ally to the point of being a fruity lil shit. he's been banned from 2 countries (dubai and malaysia) for openly supporting queer rights. they were also briefly jailed in malaysia for the stunt they pulled and had a lawsuit filed against them. he's even won ally of the year at the diva awards in 2019

literally every single fan who's ever met him has had nothing but amazing things to say about him. he's been incredibly kind and sweet to people

the band has always been openly political and vocal about their beliefs

you're absolutely right about him being the twitter scapegoat because unfortunately that's exactly what it is </3

i hope that clears things up tho, i'm sorry this is so long!!

[10000-paper-nohara-rins]

Ohhh, "A Mask Of My Own Face" is such a Rin song for sure!! Another song that I think really captures those Nohara vibes, for your consideration, is definitely "My Alcoholic Friends" by The Dresden Dolls! :]

What other songs do you think fit her well? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

ohhh man that's so true... that's so true... i know that its like. not About her but that DOESNT matter imagining characters to songs is ALWAYS about the vibes. like.

thats rin!!! right there that's her!!!!!

HEAD IN HANDS. HER FEAR OF BEING KNOWN + DISTASTE TOWARDS BEING A SHINOBI + INABILITY TO IMAGINE HERSELF AS ANYTHING ELSE.

anyways lol. i put a list of other music i associate with her under the cut because i got into the details a little more than i intended to,,, lmao

ocean breathes salty by modest mouse-

youll never guess why this one is on the list lol

GOD. you know. i dont think i even have a concrete explanation for why this rings so true with rin's character but like. you guys see my vision right.

idk the animatic in my head is kind of like,,, rin killing herself as an act of spite. you know.

its the sanbi!!! you see it you see my vision!!!

AND YOU SEE. HOW THE HELL COULD SHE MIND. SURELY ALL SHE EVER FEELS IS CONSUMING APATHY SURELY THE RAGE AND DESPAIR SHE FEELS ARENT AS REAL BECAUSE IF THEY WERE SHE WOULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THEM.

and the resentment about people not knowing her despite the fact that she would actually pass away on the spot if anyone knew her!!!!! falls to the ground dramatically. theres something there.

kitchen fork by jack conte-

ok i'll be real the lyrics for this one dont actually super match up with anything in my head really? like nothing is specifically *rin* its more the music. idk. give it a listen and let me know if im talking any sense at all.

that's why i gave up on music (i like the english cover by rachie)-

song about being torn away from something you love doing and then finally clawing your way back to it and realizing that you dont derive the same joy from it that you once did. now this didnt happen to rin in canon but it IS literally one of the most in-character things she could possibly do (perfectly in line with the way she idealizes her "true self" and denies herself joy if she can come up with an ulterior motive for her actions(IDIOT)) and so. lmao.

like. lmaooooooo

ohhh its the acceptance and the like,,, she KNOWS shes gonna die thats *the only way this story ends.* and shes fine with the dying part. but what if people remember the wrong her??? what if people remember the RIGHT her?? she cant control her image once shes dead!!!!!!

LOCAL PRE-TEEN GIRL IS ONCE AGAIN ATTRIBUTING HER DEPRESSION TO THE FACT THAT SHE IS INTRINSICALLY EMPTY AND IS UNABLE TO FIND HER" TRUE SELF."

T_T

runaway by aurora -

not sure that the vibes of this song are like,,, anything rin would ever admit to herself. because its very much mournful of lost childhood methinks??? and rin hates to acknowledge injustice she experiences with anything besides anger. but you know. i still think theres smth to it.

:|

oh you know. the problems. and the inevitability. the tragedy of team minato was not that they fell apart in the way they did but that they were going to fall apart no matter what ect ect

EMOTIONAL REPRESSION. ok next song ^_^

buzzcut season by lorde-

infinite tsukyomi core? girls when everything they know is an illusion they are willingly believing in because reality is militaristic and horrifying. i actually think ive posted about this before?

yeah you feel me. rin "emotional repression child soldier" belongs here.

and like,,, favorite friend as reference to obt and kks idolizing her but neither of them being as close to her as they are to each other.... OUGHHHH

around the bend by cheesy hfj-

yes this is the credits music for an object show. yes you should watch said object show one is actually really interesting. anyways. look at this shit.

this is literally like theeeee rin watching team minato move on without her like. its about how rin is dead and gone and kks+obt are nt!!! !!! and there's lingering resentment of course, but theres also like,,, idk,,, i think rin thinks a lot more fondly of them once she's dead. you know.

idont even know if this makes sense but To Me its sooo rin. all evenings DO be closing like this.

rose by the oh hellos

let me be real. every oh hellos song ever is on the list of "songs i make rin animatics to in my head" but i dont know if they all deserve to be there because my peak oh hellos phase coincided suspiciously with the beginning of my rin obsession and. there is bias there. i stand by rose tho because like !!!!

THIS IS LITERALLY JUST OBITO DOING HIS WHOLE DEAL!!!! LIKE THIS IS LITERALLY JUST THAT WHOLE THING!!!! INCREDIBLE

and her problems with identity! and her difficulty being honest with anyone including herself!!!!

CAN ANYONE HEAR ME

wails. this is literally a song about assigning meaning through perception and misinterpreting the person you are using to justify all of your actions. head in hands. im not even reaching this is just Straight Up Her

anyways. thanks for the ask it was fun to scrounge through my music!!! ^_^ big big fan of rambling in ways that do not always make logical sense <3 life could be a dream

[farfromstrange]

Foreigner’s God | m.m

series masterlist

Matt Murdock x avenger!OFC

Chapter forty: Monster

Summary: She has a tendency to get herself in trouble for the greater good. This time though, she goes a little too far. Matt feels responsible to put a smile back on her face and restore the faith in herself.

Warnings: ANGST, attempted sexual assault (read at your own risk), Canon typical violence, vigilantism, knives, blood, use of mutant powers, heavy make-out session, SMUT (18+), nipple play, vaginal fingering, p in v sex, dry humping (?), degrading, dirty talk, praise kink, choking, multiple orgasms, basically sex doesn’t always go according to plan and sometimes stuff goes wrong, Matt Murdock’s ever present catholic guilt, crying, religious imagery and symbolism

a/n: Before you ask, yes this is inspired by a Frozen (The Musical) Song. Do I regret it? No. After being sick for an entire week, I have finally finished this goddamn chapter… it’s not my best work, so I apologize in advance. I reread it so many times, but it still feels rushed even though I incorporated every last plot point I wrote down. There’s just so much and now I’m insecure I screwed this up. But oh well, it won’t get any better than this. I tried. I can’t get anything better down. And I tried something… new? With this, so that’s kind of exciting, and I hope y’all like it anyway, even if it might not be what you expected and were so excited for.

Also, Melvin was always one of my favorite characters because he’s adorable and Eliza deserves this. (Also go Matt for being such an amazing boyfriend!!) posting the graphics for this chapter tomorrow or smth…

18+ MINORS DNI

The streets were dark and gloomy. She walked down the road to Matt’s apartment - her apartment with her head hung low and her keys clutched tightly in her fist. The other hand held her phone close to her ear as she listened to the voicemail announcement of the man she called.

“This is the third time I’ve called now. If you don’t call me back soon, I have to assume you’re dead somewhere,” said Eliza, taking a peek over her shoulder, “I read Tony’s letter, Happy. I can’t reach him and Pepper won’t answer her phone either. We need to talk. Call me back!”

She couldn’t reach Tony. His phone was off or disconnected, she wasn’t sure, so Happy was her last resort. Though no matter how many times she blew up his cell, he didn’t answer. His mailbox was full of missed messages now, but as long as it got him to call her back, she would gladly annoy him. The fear something might have happened nagged at her chest. He was known for not answering his texts or his calls right away, and she usually didn’t mind if he decided to take his privacy seriously, but she had seen what the world was capable of and how much pain it could cause to good people, and she wanted to prevent him from getting hurt again. Not receiving an answer to her pleas made her uneasy and she had to refrain from jumping into the closest cab and driving to the compound.

“Let me know you’re alive, at least,” she added before hanging up the phone for the third time and shoving it back into her pocket. “Asshole,” the curse slipped from her lips into the darkness. She had grown more vigilant over time and his lack of communication twisted her stomach into an uncomfortable knot.

She swore, after she almost died, she would not get herself into reckless trouble again. She swore she would be smarter.

Turns out, she wasn’t.

The second Eliza heard the scream of distress, her instincts sprung into motion.

“Don’t do it,” she whispered to herself.

The last time she acted on the scream of a distressed woman, she walked straight into Hydra. It was a deja vu of the bittersweet kind. She could call the cops and move on. Though by the time they arrived, whoever was attacking that woman would already have gotten what they wanted.

“Goddamn it!”

Matt would lose it.

She pressed against the wall right before the alley. She could make out two voices; a man and the cries of a woman begging for mercy.

“Fuck me,” she groaned. “I’m gonna do it.”

If she could prevent a woman from suffering the worst fate she possibly could, she had to do something. She had the strength to fight, and it was because of that that she chose to jump in.

The man turned to her when he heard the sound of her boots on the asphalt.

“Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” she said.

The woman’s eyes widened at the sight of Eliza’s red eyes, and she cowered further against the wall. There was no light on her face, so recognizing her face was nearly impossible. She stepped out of the dark slowly and into the moonlight, hoping to instill some fear before this could get ugly. It didn’t work. They were too stupid to recognize her.

He chuckled darkly. “Today seems to be my lucky day,” he said. “Two for one. I’m sure we’d have so much fun together, but I’m afraid you’re gonna have to wait your turn.”

“Oh, shut up!”

“Uh, feisty. That’s even hotter.”

“How about I shove my foot so far up your ass, it comes back out of your mouth?”

“Damn, didn’t your parents teach you any manners?”

“My parents are dead,” she deadpanned. “And I don’t have manners.”

“Are you really going to make this harder for me?” The man sighed. “I was having such a great time. And she was, too.” He pointed to his crying victim. She shook her head, the rest of her paralyzed, and she held her hands in front of her body as some form of protection.

Eliza bared her teeth. “You disgust me,” she spat. “Leave her alone. She didn’t do anything. If you want to get your hands on someone, do it on me.”

“Did you just ask me to do you?”

“Why is it that men can’t grasp the concept of a simple no?”

“Look at that skirt,” he retorted. “You can’t say you’re not asking for it. And her?” He pointed at the young woman. “Hers is even shorter, I can already see her ass hanging out.”

“No,” her soft cry filled the alley. “I didn’t… please, I just want to go home.”

“You heard her,” said Eliza. “Let her go. If you want to ruin someone’s life, you can ruin mine. Take your shot! See where this gets you.”

“Aw, where’s the fun in that?”

He wasn’t just drunk, he was born cruel. The man reached down to grab the woman’s shirt and haul her up,

Her hands started to glow, as did her eyes, and she turned into the thing she had tried to push down the past couple of weeks. She let the darkness consume her, let the foreign energy take control, and rise to her true potential. She hadn’t discovered the truth just to keep the stone hidden. It was there and lying in wait for a reason. What she didn’t expect was for it to feel so strong - it felt strong to the point it bordered on overwhelming, and she was no longer in control; she was a stranger in her own body watching from the outside as her instincts took over. It was a raw force, something to be reckoned with, but no one could win against her. The more she felt the fire in her hands, the more her common sense began to panic.

“Don’t touch her,” her voice had dropped several octaves, “Or you’re gonna regret it.”

When the man looked at her this time, all color faded from his skin and he stopped, frozen in place and eyes widened at the sight of her glowing frame.

Eliza turned to the crying woman on the ground. “Did he touch you?”

She shook her head. “N-no. Not yet,” she said.

“Then go! Run as fast as you can. Save yourself.”

She didn’t move a muscle. Her body remained stiff and pressed against the brick wall.

“Didn’t you hear what I said?” Eliza raised her voice. “Run, now!”

Her heels clicked against the floor as she ran out of the alley, crying and sobbing uncontrollably, and undoubtedly calling the police on her way.

The man’s instincts kicked in as soon as they were alone. He feared she might kill him if he didn't resort to more serious measures. Lifting his fists, he attempted to attack her.

Tilting her head, she sighed. “Don’t,” she said, but he did it anyway.

He went after her. She tried hard to control herself, using her fists instead of the monster inside of her, instead of being who she truly was, but as soon as he hit her, she exploded. Her hands came up and he flew back, hitting the stone wall at the other end of the alley.

Her hands continued glowing at her sides. He lifted his split skull. Tears glistened in his eyes.

“Please,” he begged.

“Feels weird, doesn’t it?” she said. “Not being in control. Telling someone no but the other person won’t listen. Almost humiliating, wouldn’t you say? Offensive, abusive, stripping you of your honor?”

“Please, I didn’t mean to- I thought she wanted this, I’m sorry!”

“You thought she wanted this? She said no! Does no mean nothing to you?”

“No, but-”

“What is it with you thinking you can take whatever the fuck you want without consequences?”

“It won’t happen again, I promise! Please…”

“Rest assured that I do this only because your behavior has been so inviting. You provoked me. I had no choice. Your behavior was misleading. You tempted me. I thought you wanted this with the way you kept flapping your hands around. That is not my fault.”

“No, God, don’t kill me, please! I didn’t mean to- I won’t do it again, I promise, just please… please, spare me!”

“Oh, I won’t kill you.” Her grin was empty, as was her voice. “Death is too kind for people like you,” she said. “You deserve to suffer. Not even hell would be kind enough for you, where you surely will be going. But no, not yet. Not before I haven’t made you see God over and over again while you’re screaming for my mercy the same way you’ve made that woman scream for mercy.”

He reached into his jeans. Eliza picked up on the blade in his hand too late. He threw it with a loud yelp, landing it in her upper arm. She hissed, reaching for the handle that stuck out of her skin. During that time, he used the moment of confusion to scramble to his feet and run. He had attacked her, threatened her, and made her bleed. She saw red. Literally and figuratively, she saw red.

She tore the blade from her skin. It squished, burn, and squirted some blood, but she didn’t care. She was angry, she was feral and she couldn’t help the way her mind reacted before she could grasp control over the ruthless animal inside of her.

Her powers pulled him back, soaring through the air, across the alley, and back into the wall.

She slapped a hand in front of her mouth. She only wanted to restrain him. In her head, keeping him in front of her would make it easier to keep him present until the police would come and arrest him. Instead, though, she had to watch in horror as the smoke in her hands carried him straight through the wall, tearing the stones apart, ripping a hole into the alley, and burying him underneath the bricks.

Her hands stopped glowing. She stared helplessly at the destruction she caused. She couldn’t hear, see or feel the man. Had she killed him? She wasn’t sure. His feet poked out of the smoke and his toes seemed to twitch, but she wasn’t sure, and the shock kept her tied to the ground. Her hands, now seemingly normal, were capable of such awful things. There was a reason she hadn’t used them for anything other than changing Matt’s perception. She should have kept it this way, and used her fists instead - what had she done?

The soft call of her name behind her broke through the alarm sounds in her head. “Eliza,” he said softly. A familiar voice.

Eliza pressed her back against the nearest wall, hands in front of her. “Don’t come near me,” she panted. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

She shied away when he tried to touch her again. He stopped halfway, his hand at level with her head, just lingering in the air. She stared at his fingers, his glove removed, and he offered his hand for her to take at her pace.

“It’s okay,” he said. “You’re not going to hurt me.”

She looked up through teary eyes, meeting his brown ones. The red mask lay next to him, his hair disheveled and sweaty as he smiled. He could tell what she had done, but he didn’t shy away. Still, the energy was hot in her veins and she was sure that if she felt threatened again, her hands would do the same to him. She wasn’t in control, the stone was. Her heart raced in her ear and she shivered, slouching against the bricks.

“Tell me, is he dead?” she asked.

He tilted his head in the man’s direction. “No,” he told her.

“Is he… dying?”

“No, he’s just got a few broken bones. Nothing serious or life-threatening. You didn’t kill him. He’s okay, but most importantly, you’re okay.”

His hand came closer. She winced, “No! Don’t- please, you’re just gonna get hurt. I can’t… I’m not in control, Matt. If you touch me, I might do the same thing to you. I can’t stop it.”

“Yes, you can.” Matt knelt before her, hand still extended and waiting for her to take the lifelines. “Look at me! Take my hand, let me prove to you that this is real. You’re not gonna hurt me, I just need you to calm down. I’m not mad,” he said, still smiling, “I’m here for you, okay? I’m here, I’ve got you.”

Her shaky hand slowly found its way into his. She took it, squeezed it, and held it tightly. His skin was warm and clammy, just like hers. His pulse beat strong and steady under the skin. The world didn’t end when she touched him. They were both still alive and it was real, no matter what her mind kept telling her.

“You feel me?” he asked.

She nodded, “Yes.”

“Good girl. There you go, see? Nothing happened. Told you, you’ve got this.”

He smiled, squeezing her hand again. Three times meant I love you. Another three translated to I have you. She wasn’t alone, not anymore, and there was no reason to be afraid anymore.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

Eliza turned to look at the broken-down wall and the man underneath, but then Matt was suddenly there and pulled her head to the side, forcing her eyes back on him. The destruction site was fully covered by his broad frame.

“Look at me,” he reminded her, “are you okay?”

She nodded, the cut on her arm beginning to thud with the fading adrenaline. “I think so.” Her teeth ground and she hissed, “Ah!” Perhaps she wasn’t entirely okay.

His nostrils flared. He sniffed. Smelling the blood, he crawled forward. He took off the other glove as well and pressed both of his hands against the cut on her arm. He felt the skin and the bone shift. The flesh squished where he pushed down as the wound secreted more blood right into his hands. The scent of the copper was something all too familiar to him, and it was scary. Every time he smelled her blood now, he got flashbacks that brought the feeling of her lifeless weight in his arms right back to the front of his consciousness. If he tried hard enough, he could still feel the remains of her blood on his suit, and if he took a good whiff, he could smell it. No bleach in the world could remove the ghastly picture from his mind, and whenever she was hurt, he was only reminded once again of how badly things could turn out and how he had almost lost her not so long ago because of one reckless decision.

A soft breeze ran through his hair, pushing the sweaty strands back and to the side. He blinked the tears away, banning the memories and forcing them back where they came from. “You need stitches,” he stated. His jaw clenched, she could see it. He applied more pressure, an attempt to stop the bleeding. “Probably not that many, but you’re still losing a lot of blood, so…”

“I’m okay,” she reassured him. Physically, she was, at least.

“I know, just… if we wait any longer, it might get worse. And we need to get out of here before the cops come and see you like this.”

“You mean what I did.”

He still sat right in her line of vision, but she could imagine the sight. She imagined what it looked like behind him and what the police might think. She would become a criminal again, and this time she would let them arrest her. She deserved it. The Department Of Damage Control would come as soon as they saw her, but perhaps it was for the best.

Matt shook his head, tilting her chin up with his finger. Some of the blood got on her chin and he wiped it away, silently apologizing. “I won’t let them take you,” he said, “No matter what happens, they won’t touch you.”

“If you could see what I did,” she prompted.

“I still wouldn’t care. This has nothing to do with my blindness or how you think my love for you might make it worse. No, you did nothing wrong. You saved someone’s life and defended yourself. No one has the right to prosecute you for being yourself. They don’t know you, not like I do, not like your friends do.”

He brushed her hair back, followed by a careful tilt of his head in the direction of the Main Street. Her wide, teary eyes were on him, regret and shame dancing in them as if it was a competition. He pressed his lips to her forehead, lingering on the cold skin for a little longer than he planned, feeling her heart jump and the clench of her fingers around the fabric of his suit. She was scared, not just ashamed. But she wasn’t scared of him or the police, she was scared of herself, which was a far worse fate to suffer because she knew she wasn’t the only one feeling that way. She had seen it twice that night, and she could bear it no more.

“C’mon,” said Matt. “Let’s get you home. I’ll stitch you up, get you some dinner, warm you up… Can you stand?”

One of his arms wrapped around her waist already.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice monotone, reserved and possibly even dead inside.

He sighed softly, helping her limp body back to her feet. As soon as they stood, she wrapped her arms around his waist and placed her head against his chest. He hugged her tight, ignoring how her blood got onto his suit again. She was afraid if she didn’t hug him and he didn’t hug her back, she might fall apart.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’m right here.”

Eliza shivered against him. “I’m not sure if I’m okay.”

“I know, but that’s okay too.”

“How long have you been here?” she asked, every word coming with a labored breath in tow.

“Not long, five minutes, maybe,” he answered. “Heard the screams, smelled you and had to see if you’re alright.”

“Why didn’t you… step in?”

“Plain and simple, I trust you.”

“Oh.”

Maybe he had underestimated the situation. He applied more pressure to the wound. She hissed in response. “C’mon.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Let’s get you home now.”

Walking through the roof access to his apartment, Eliza realized how tired she truly was. Her feet dragged over the wood of the stairs in a state of exhaustion. Her knees buckled. “Woah, easy,” Matt caught her just in time. He slipped an arm under her thighs and chose to carry her instead.

He set her down on the couch, silently searching for the first-aid kit and a towel. Feeling her skin shift again, he gnawed on the inside of his cheek.

While he stitched her up, she stared straight at the wall. Her head was empty, her body hulled in a fog. She couldn’t pinpoint what she was feeling. The shock had subsided. Instead, she felt nothing, not even guilt. The numbness hurt to the point she wanted nothing more than to feel the pain of the needle in her skin, but Matt was too good at what he did. Other than a few pinches, she felt nothing.

“He could have seriously hurt you,” he murmured as he threaded the needle through her parted skin. “This could have gone much worse. I can’t…” He swallowed. “I can’t lose you again.”

She didn’t answer.

“You need to be more careful. Short-sleeves aren’t fighting material.”

“I don’t have a suit anymore,” her answer came flat.

“I know.”

“I’m not an Avenger anymore.”

“I know that, too. But you can still help people,” he said, “That isn’t determined by-”

“I snapped,” Eliza blurted without trying to. The voice that had once been void of emotions started to display the true weight of the words on her soul.

Matt opened his mouth, but he wasn’t sure what to say.

“He attacked me and I just… snapped,” she said. “I hurt him because I wanted to. I hurt him because I was angry. I did this. If he had died, his blood would have been on my hands tonight.”

He shook his head, patting down the wound with a cotton swab. His eyes remained soft, though he swallowed harder than before. “I’m sure you knew what you were doing,” he said.

“I didn’t. I wasn’t in control. Or, I was. I was in control of my anger and I just let it happen because I felt like… I felt so… I’m scared, Matt.” She doubted ‘scared’ cut it close, but it was the word that made the most sense. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I can’t control my powers when it comes down to it, when I know I should but I don’t. I thought I could control the anger, I thought I could control the extent of what I’m capable of, but when I feel threatened or angry and am convinced that the other person deserves punishment, I… I need to balance it out. God, what is wrong with me? I’m not a fucking judge or executioner! I’m a person.”

“Hey, no. Nothing’s wrong with you. You didn’t kill him, you only knocked him down pretty good. You did nothing worse than I would have. This wasn’t… this wasn’t a vile or evil act, baby. Far from it. You saved a helpless woman from suffering a terrible fate tonight.”

Her lip quivered and a tear slipped down her cheek. The dam opened a crack, at first, but it soon broke in two when he spoke again.

“Hey,” Matt cooed, finishing the last stitch to take her head into his hands and hug her tightly to his chest. “Don’t cry. Nothing happened.”

“No, but I’m a monster!”

“Stop it. You’re not a monster.” He used his free hand to run it through her hair. “You didn’t hurt him any more than he deserved. Deep down, you knew that he would never get what he deserved if he went through the system, so you allowed yourself to let go a little more. You let the anger take over because he deserved to be punished, but you didn’t kill him. You wouldn’t cross that line, not again. Deep down, you know what you’re doing. I know you do. You’re far from being a monster, sweetheart. Monsters act only to be vile. They hurt good people. The man you fought was a monster. You're not.”

She shook her head, trying to escape his grasp. Her attempts were to no avail. He held her tightly until she stopped struggling and fell into his arms completely.

“You saved that woman’s life. You saved her from getting raped by a man that would have done anything to get away with it, including stabbing her to death. You are a hero. You saw someone who needed help and you decided to jump in. That’s selfless, you understand? It’s not evil, it’s a good thing. It’s something only someone with a good heart can do.”

“I wasn’t in control,” she whimpered. “Not really. My anger was, I… I can’t…”

“I know, and that’s okay. We’ll find a way. I don’t know much about your powers, but we’ll find a way to make this easier for you. We’ll find a way to help you gain some sense of control. You have friends who can help you, you have me, and we have Fogwells to train. I just… you’re not a monster. You’re still a fighter, a hero, and a good person.” He tilted her head up, brushing her wet cheeks. “Don’t think that way about yourself. You’re so good, baby. So good.”

“No…” she sobbed again. “No, you’re wrong.”

“I’m not wrong,” he said. “Trust me, I love you so much, and nothing you do could change that. Even in the eyes of God, you are good because you chose to save someone’s life while putting your own in danger. It’s what saviors do. You are a savior.”

“I didn’t mean to do what I did. I didn’t mean to hurt him like that. I didn’t care what happened to him, which is the scary part, not my powers themselves. I don’t know what’s happening to me, Matt, and it’s scary. I thought I had it all under control,” said Eliza, “but I don’t, and I don’t understand why because it worked when I made you see. And it worked beyond that. I haven’t exploded ever since… I haven’t exploded like that ever since I reconciled with my father before everything went to shit. I just… I’m so tired and my arm hurts and it scares me that I don’t even feel fucking guilty for any of this. I shouldn’t act out. It’s dangerous. My powers are dangerous, especially in the hands of someone who doesn’t know what she’s dealing with. I know everything and nothing at all. I… I…” she hiccuped and the breath got knocked out of her lungs. The oxygen started to burn away the skin in her chest and she wheezed again, her body riddled with aftershocks.

Matt shook his head, pressed a gauze to the wound and she took it while he searched for a bandage in the kit. “One step at a time,” he said. “You’re not a monster, Eliza, and you’re not dangerous. In the hands of anyone else, your powers would be catastrophic, but you? You’re a good person, and I know you can control it. The stone is in your blood, your body knows what to do. You’re just too much in your head, you have been ever since you came back, and that’s okay. You need to get used to this again, I know you can because I know you, baby, and no one’s as strong and capable as you are.”

She sniffled. “How do you know?”

He wrapped the bandage around her bicep and secured it with tape. “I have a feeling. We’ll find a way to learn more about your powers somehow,” he said, “but not now. Not today. Today was a lot and you need a break.”

“I need to be in control of my mind to be in control of what’s inside of me, but I don’t… the anger is so strong, Matthew, and it makes everything so much more powerful.” Her fingers tingled. “Even now, I feel lightheaded.” The color traveled from her palms to her fingertips. She sighed, knowing her eyes had changed color again.

Matt felt the air shift and the familiar jolt of electricity his senses sent rolling through his body whenever she used her powers around him traveled from his neck down his spine.

He reached for her hand, but she shied away. “Don’t,” she said, her voice tired instead of a warning, and she got up. Her feet pointed toward the bedroom door.

Her mind reeled with unspoken thoughts that sounded less like English words and more like gibberish. Her heart was racing in time with her breathing and the more she thought about it, the harder it got to keep her hands where they were. She wanted to run to him, but she caught sight of her reflection in the milky glass and she knew that if she touched him, she would hurt him. At least her head kept telling her so, and so she chose to be cautious. She chose to keep him safe, the one promise she would always keep, no matter how far gone down the rabbit hole she was. There was no one, not even Happy or her therapist that could understand what possessed her, the power she held in her hands, and the cravings it caused within her. She didn’t crave drugs, she craved the world, she craved things she couldn’t quite understand, and it brought her back to all those weeks ago when she had been just as clueless. The state of helplessness was exhausting.

He made a pained sound in the back of his throat when she ushered away and back into her cocoon.

“I thought we were over this,” he said.

Eliza crossed her arms. “I don’t want to hurt you. Why don’t you get that?” she said.

“You won’t hurt me, sweetheart.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You’re not as out of control as you think you are.”

“You don’t know that!” The billboard outside of the apartment complex flickered. It reflected red instead of the purple it had been before. She stared at her hand and then at the plain red picture that was projected onto the big screen. The change in static made Matt cringe, the sound sharp and piercing through his eardrum.

She sighed. Part of her did it on purpose, the other part wasn’t sure what came over her. She tried to fight the urge to push him away, but it was getting harder by the minute.

He got up. “Eliza…” he reached for her, but she wasn’t where he expected her to be.

“I just need to be alone right now,” she whispered. tears clouded both her vision and her voice. “Don’t come too close to me or I might hurt you, too.”

She burst through the bedroom door and closed it behind her, just in time before the tears burst out of her and she landed sobbing on the mattress. He could hear everything and it shattered his heart to pieces. He pressed his palm against the glass, then his forehead, and he listened as she ran out of breath again and again as she cried into their shared pillow.

“Please, sweetheart,” he said. “Don’t shut me out again. Don’t close the door.”

He could have easily opened the door, but she didn’t want him to. She locked herself away for a reason, and he had to grant her the privacy she required. At least for an acceptable amount of time, but not too long as if to agree with her that it was okay to push him away. He didn’t want her to, and she promised she wouldn’t, not again. All he could do at this point was hope that his words would do anything.

She shuddered and disappeared underneath the covers, hiding from herself like a scared little girl.

When she didn’t answer, he sighed. “Alright, I’m just gonna stay here,” he said and slid down the stone wall next to the bedroom door. “You let me know when you’re ready to talk.”

“Go away, Matt,” he heard her cry from the other side.

Matt chuckled. “Not a chance, baby. I’m not leaving you. You know why?”

She gave a disapproving grunt.

“You don’t scare me. You’re just scared, and that’s okay. I’m scared too, all the damn time, but we can fix this. I know we can. You just have to let me in. Tell me what’s bothering you other than this stupid fight so I can try to understand why you’re so sad.”

He was met with a heavy silence. Her breathing had slowed, but the occasional sob still wrecked her body and she shivered heavily every time it did.

“I read the letter,” Eliza admitted eventually. “Tony’s letter, I mean.”

“And?” he asked.

“Tony’s an asshole.” She chuckled, a tear slipping down her cheek, and she added, “But I was the bigger asshole.”

“Do you want to forgive him?”

“I know I want to make things right, but I don’t know how. I don’t know a lot of things,” she said.

“You don’t have to know everything. That’s not how life works.”

“How did I end up like this then?”

“Like what?”

“Broken and screwed up.”

“We’re all a little screwed up,” he said.

“I’m a lot screwed up,” she said.

“Yeah, me too.”

Another tear slid down her cheek. “The storm inside of me is real. Are you sure I’m not just a monster locked in a cage of her own making?”

“Yeah,” his palm landed on the milky glass again, “I’m sure. I know you, I know what the woman I love is capable of, and evil is not something I would use to describe you. So you’re not a monster, you’re a hero, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says because I see you better than anyone else can, Eliza. You keep telling me I’m good… well, you’re better. So much better. You’re good at heart and that cancels out everything else.”

“But how can you be so sure?”

“Let’s just say, there has to be a reason you were born with such great power. God… no, the universe chose you to survive the exposure for a reason. I’m sure of that. You just need to learn how to live with yourself before you can control this storm you’re talking about. That’s a big burden to carry, and you’ve just started to figure it all out, so just grant yourself some more time.”

The mattress shifted. Her bare feet patted against the floor and stopped before the door. Instead of opening it though, she slid down the glass and pressed her back against his, only a small barrier between them now. She pressed her palm where his lay, sighing at the way his shadow visibly tensed.

Eliza ground her teeth. “Tony gave me the key to my father’s apartment. The one I, uh, found after I wrote you guys that letter,” she told him. “He said there are things my father wanted me to find. In case of his death, he had this fail-safe that sent Tony all that was necessary, and he did, so he forwarded it to me. I just… he’s trying to make up for it, but I can’t even think about that. I’m angrier at my father right now for twisting Tony’s views, but I’m also… I want to know what he left me. I need to know. But I’m so angry. I’m so fucking angry, Matt. All I could think about tonight… fuck! I was weak tonight.”

“I should have never let you leave alone,” he said.

“Don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself. Sister Maggie caught me before I could make a serious mistake.”

“Yeah, but it was my job to be there for you and I wasn’t.” He wished he could touch her. “I will be forever grateful to Sister Maggie, but that doesn’t change the fact that I left you alone.”

“It was my choice, Matt. Stop putting all the blame on yourself. I can’t… I can’t do this right now. So please, just… don’t.”

She leaned her head back against the glass and he did the same, whispering the softest apology into the dark of the night.

Goosebumps erupted on her skin. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to be herself anymore. “Matt,” she murmured.

He tilted his head in the direction of the door. “Yes, love?”

“Can you stay with me?”

He sighed. “Of course, I can.”

“I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts.”

Because her thoughts were far more terrifying than her powers ever could be.

“You don’t have to be,” he said.

She sighed, reaching out a hand to rest on the glass again, turning so she could lean against the door completely, and she listened to his breathing and heartbeat faintly on the other side. It was the most she could do. He was so close yet so far away. She wished she could ignore the looming voice in her head and just be normal, but she was afraid of what might happen if she ignored her most primal nature and told the stone to shut up. The last thing she wanted was for Matt to suffer because of her.

“Matt, do you think,” she began again, “that everyone’s in danger as long as I’m alive?”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “God, no,” he said.

“You think I was born to be a monster?”

“No.” He couldn’t even put pressure behind his words. He was so in pain from hearing her ask these questions, not sure what to do, what to say or think. He just sat there, hoping she took his words to heart.

Eliza traced the condensation of her breath on the glass. “Then why did I end up with this… this curse?” she said. “Because it doesn’t seem fair that I get a frozen and broken heart while my mother died and everyone else… Everyone else is normal.”

He sighed, taking the same position she had, his temple pressed against the door and his hand to the glass. “You said it yourself that the infinity stones were creations of the universe, right?”

“Yes.”

“So maybe you survived because one day, something big might come for us, something a man in an iron suit or a Hulk can’t fight and only Someone as powerful as one of these stones can fight that threat. Maybe you are the universe’s fail safe. You’re a protector, not a destroyer. You survived for a reason, and that reason may come one day. When it does, you’ll know. Until then, you have to believe me that God and the universe have their reasons to be giving only certain people special abilities. Our accidents both had deeper meanings, I think,” he said, “and we’re both on the right path to figuring that out, but especially you, my love. I’m convinced that you will do big things one day, and the world will thank you.”

She was quiet. She didn’t even breathe for a moment. He listened in. A soft sob broke from her chest, then another salty tear rolled down her cheek. She exhaled, clenching her fist and holding tighter onto the glass door. “Okay,” she said, her voice the softest tune of a pretend-whisper. “Thank you.”

He smiled. Her breathing slowed, as did her heartbeat and her sobs seemed to subside with every passing second that she listened to him on the other side.

“You think you can sleep now?” he asked. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do much more tonight.

“I think so, yeah. But not on the bed, I want to stay on the floor. It’s harder here. The mattress feels too soft.”

“That’s okay, I just want you to rest. Can you do that for yourself?”

Eliza nodded. “And Matthew?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” she said.

Matt chuckled, tracing his fingers over where he could feel her warmth through the bedroom door. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

Even in her current state, she would never go to sleep without telling him how she felt, and her love for him was ever-present and never-ending.

She stirred back to life when she felt a hand on her thigh, rubbing gentle circles over the bare skin to coax her out of unconsciousness. Eliza scrunched her nose, shifting on the bed. Once again, he had carried her in the middle of the night. Her back was more than grateful.

As she blinked the sleep out of her eyes and against the sun streaming in through the window, she realized that she was no longer wearing her skirt but Matt’s Columbia shirt, freshly washed and dried, and a pair of shorts he got from her collection.

Her hands reached above her head as she stretched her aching muscles. The cut on her arm screamed. With a hiss, she brought the limbs back down, pressing a hand to the bandage.

Matt sat at her feet where they were pulled up to her chest, a blanket draped over her. He took such good care of her, always, it made her so incredibly thankful for having him. No one else would have done it for her. He got her changed, put a blanket over her, let her sleep in until he finished with coffee and breakfast, and only then did he wake her with gentle touches.

He smiled, though his head was tilted in her direction and his nostrils wider than usual, suggesting he was taking a whiff of whatever was in the air. Copper, blood.

“You opened the cut on your arm,” he stated.

She looked down at her now blood-soaked fingers from where the bandage had turned red. The pain turned thudding and burning. She hissed, “Fuck!”

“I was gonna say good morning, but that didn’t age so well.” He chuckled softly, his voice still gruff from waking up and the lack of caffeine in his system. He put the coffee mug with her favorite beverage down and reached for the first-aid kit that was still laid next to the table. “Sit up for me,” he said. “Let me check your stitches.”

He removed the bloody bandage, placing his palm flat next to the cut. The skin shifted, but it was only in one place. She had healed enough to be removing the stitches, so that was what he did. She winced when he pulled the first one out. He gave an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, I wish you could have had time to properly wake up, but the damage is pretty extensive.”

“Do I need new stitches?” she asked, her voice even groggier than his.

He shook his head. “Butterfly bandage will suffice if you don’t make any fast movements and tear the cut open again. You gotta be more careful when you’re hurt.”

“Yeah, I tend to forget I’m not a vampire who doesn’t bleed.”

Matt dabbed the wound down with some disinfectant, placing the butterfly bandage on top, then returned with a cold towel for her to press against it to help with the swelling he could feel around the bone.

“That’s ‘cause vampires are dead,” he said with a cheeky grin, “Can’t bleed when your heart isn’t beating.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“I’m just saying. You’re not dead, and I prefer it that way. Now,” he replaced the bloody tissues in his hand with the coffee mug and handed it to her, “I’ve made you some coffee. Take it as a peace offering for making you pop your stitches.”

She chuckled. “Thank you, very considerate.”

“Breakfast’s on the table. When you’re ready to get up, we can eat.”

Her forehead dropped forward against his. He caught her by the back of her neck, holding her close to him. They breathed into each other’s mouths, connecting on a much deeper level than was visible on the outside.

“I’m sorry about last night,” said Eliza.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“No, I- I have no idea what came over me, but I promised not to push you away again and last night, I did, so I’m sorry about that.”

“You needed privacy,” he said, “I’m the last person who’d deny you some time for yourself.”

“It wasn’t just privacy, Matt, I was scared and I still am and I… God, I don’t even know anymore.”

He captured her lips with his, telling her, “Don’t talk, it’s okay,” before he deepened the kiss and knocked all air out of her lungs.

Happily, she sighed against his lips, leaning further into him. Their kisses soon grew heated and Eliza swung her leg over his lap. One of his arms wrapped around her hips to get close to him faster. She rolled her hips, chest against chest, and her hand began to stroke over the white shirt that adorned his torso, feeling the muscles underneath his shoulders and his pecks.

He broke the kiss to ask, “What do you want?” Breathless and his cock already straining against his sweatpants.

Her chuckle sounded dark in his mouth. “What does it look like?” she said. Their lips clashed again, as did their teeth and tongues. They fought for dominance, but Matt was bound to win the battle.

“I don’t know.”

She snorted, grinding her hips down on him again, his cock brushing against her hot core that hid beneath layers of fabric. He growled.

“Then what does it feel like?”

He bit down on her bottom lip, pulling it toward him as she leaned back slightly to look into his hazel eyes. She had no choice but to lean down and kiss him again, hard and needy, returning to the sloppy movements of her hips against his. His fingers were sure to leave bruises on her hip from how hard he held onto her, but she didn’t mind. If anything, she wanted him to hold her even tighter and leave as many reminders of him as humanly possible. She would gladly carry him around with her anywhere she went, not just his cum but the imprints of his hands and mouth as well. The beard burn from the night before was still heavy on her thighs, and it would stay there, she decided, even long after she healed because he would do it again. She needed that part of him more than she needed to breathe. With him, her body was alive either way, and her mind finally found peace.

When his kisses traveled to her neck, Matt finally moved from grabbing her hips to the hem of her shirt. “Off,” he instructed.

She lifted her arms and allowed him to pull them over her head. The Columbia shirt hit the floor, the cold air hitting her nipples. She gasped which quickly turned into a moan at the stimulation. He wrapped his lips around one of them, sucking at her breast as if his life depended on it, and his hand went to squeeze the other one, massaging and pulling at the neglected nipple every once in a while. His tongue managed to find spots on her breast that drove her crazy. Her panties were soaked at this point and she kept rutting against his clothed cock like a maniac, the kisses, and licks to her nipples almost too much. She clenched around nothing. He pinched the sensitive nub between his fingers and she cried out, holding onto his hair.

He knew exactly where to use his mouth for the lord’s work. She was the queen laid upon the altar and he worshipped at her feet, doing what his religion told him to do with divine beings - worship them. There was only one God every time they laid together, and it wasn’t the catholic one he prayed to, the one far up above; no, she was his Goddess in moments like these and he did what any catholic good boy would do. He gave her the attention she deserved and did anything she wanted. He couldn’t help himself. Making her feel good seemed like his version of forgiveness, and he would indulge in that kind of penance for as long as he still could.

The scent of her arousal was thick in the air. He chuckled at the uptick of her breath, the small moans, and her hands clawing at his shoulder.

“Fucking- God, Matthew,” she panted into his ear this time and he shivered, cock twitching and hitting her core again with every grind of her pelvis.

It felt so good, she stared into the abyss and the sirens sang for her to jump. She was high off the feelings; his lips around her nipple, his hand squeezing her breast, and the almost non-existent friction on her cunt other than a soft breeze of air - her legs shook as she held onto what she couldn’t quite believe was a real orgasm.

“Sweetie,” he purred against her skin, wet from his saliva.

She gasped when he squeezed the other nipple again, turning it at an interesting angle that made her whimper once again. “Matthew,” she said.

“Don’t think too much about it, just feel good. Do it for me, I’ve got you.”

With a particularly skilled twist of his tongue and with that, her nipple, she dug her nails into his shirt and cried out his name in the most delicious, orgasmic tone. He held her by the waist as she jumped off the precipice, letting him give her another push before her muscles locked up and she was a moaning mess in his arms. Riding out her orgasm against nothing but his lips pressing gentle kisses to the skin around her nipples now, paying close attention to giving her breasts some much-needed love, she slowly stepped out of the fog.

“Oh,” Eliza sighed.

Matt grinned cheekily, smacking the tit he didn’t suck on before he straightened back up to kiss her. “You didn’t know that was possible, huh?” he said.

She shook her head.

He forced the shorts down her legs. The panties she wore ripped with one tug from his side. She gasped again when his hand collided with her bare ass cheeks. She was completely naked now while he was still dressed, his hair disheveled, lips swollen, and his smirk was never the less enticing.

He pressed his lips to her ear, whispering sweetly, “Can I make you feel good one more time?”

“Yes,” she answered.

He slipped his middle finger into her hole. She shivered, her walls wet enough to welcome him with open arms. He thrust the digit in once and buried it to the hilt inside of her.

“That’s my girl. Always so wet and needy. Was that enough for you? You think you can take my cock now or do you wanna cum on my fingers?”

Her hips bucked, trying to get his finger to move against the spot she could feel him resting against.

She whimpered into his ear, “Want you.”

“You have me. Tell me, what exactly do you want?”

“Your- fuck!” He curled his finger.

Matt chuckled into her ear. “What was that?” he said.

“Not your fingers,” she managed to choke out, though she kept grinding on his hand.

“Alright then.” His finger slipped out of her cunt and shoved it into her mouth. She tasted her arousal off his skin, gagging when he pushed down on her tongue to get deeper down her throat. “Don’t choke,” he mused, “Suck.”

She breathed through her nose. His skin began to taste bitter, but she didn’t care. She sucked on the digit until tears were streaming down her throat, and he decided he had teased her enough. He pulled out and her eyes rolled back, lips glistening with saliva and what was left of her juices.

“Beautiful,” Matt whispered before forcing her down by the hair and kissing her.

Their tongues met, teeth digging into bottom lips. There was no telling where one began and the other ended. They became a tangled mess of lips, spit, and limbs. Her hips ground against his clothed rection and he met her feverish movements, matching the desperation in her touch and the way her body ached for him.

“Matt, please…” Eliza could only whine when he nibbled at her jaw.

“What do you need?”

“I need you to fuck me,” she said.

“Oh, yeah?”

He pulled his pants down enough to release his aching cock. She licked her lips. His leaking tip rested against his stomach and she ground down on him, sliding along his shaft to coat him in her wetness. He stilled her movements with his hand on her hip. “Let me do the work,” he told her.

Matt rolled her onto her back, connecting their lips in a heated kiss. He lined himself up with her entrance, hooking her leg around his waist, and thrust forward. He buried himself to the hilt inside of her, not a single inch left. She gasped, back arching into him, and his lips slipped from her mouth to her neck.

He stilled, waiting for her approval, and she squeezed his biceps in reassurance. He took that as a sign to start moving.

Her hands wandered with shallow gasps. Her nails raked down his clothed back and under his shirt, pulling it up and off by the hem. The white shirt hit the floor and she dove in without wasting a second to taste his skin everywhere she could.

He rocked his hips back and forth in a steady rhythm, meeting all the spots he knew drove her crazy in the best way to pull soft whines and moans from her lips that were attached to his shoulders and neck, licking a long stripe over his pulse point.

She pulled at the strands of his hair, forcing him down to meet her desperate tongue. His fingers left crescent moon indentations in the Skin of her thigh as he pulled it further up, angling his thrusts so deep, she cried out and followed the wave of stars into the oblivion of what she suspected to be heaven. She had been there a couple of times before, always in his arms, and every time she found herself so blissed out, she missed nothing but his touch.

There was no rush as he kept pounding into her at a gentle, reserved pace. He made love to her in a way Matt never thought he was capable of. Their lips stayed attached and their hands began to wander over the other’s body, touching every inch they would find with their fingers. He memorized her skin, every stretch mark, scar, and crevice and she did the same, tracing her fingers over his scars and the faint hairs on his chest that had grown significantly but not yet long enough for her liking.

His kisses traveled from her mouth to her face, licking and biting over her skin. She tasted sweet as always, slightly salty with sweat and tears, and the scent of his sheets lingered on her, transforming into a distinctive scent that he stored away in his brain. He kissed her forehead, cradling her head into the crook of his neck as he picked up his thrusts, the tension in his stomach too much to bear, and with how hard her cunt was squeezing around the sensitive veins of his cock as he kept hitting her most pleasurable spot, he could tell she was just as close.

She moaned into his shoulder, biting down on the skin, and he reached between their bodies to catch her clit. He started with slow circles, wanting to savor this as long as possible. Slow and steady wins the race, and the movement of his fingers felt far more intense like this, with him being so gentle and attentive as he took care of her body as if she were holy. He worshipped her, put her pleasure first, and made sure to drag every last sound out of her mouth before he even thought about himself.

Eliza licked her lips, forcing his concentrated face in height with her own. His eyes were hooded and slightly closed, but she didn’t care. She kissed him, nibbling at his bottom lip, and traced the sweaty brown hair out of his beautiful face. His thrusts faltered and he drove in at a different angle, massaging her g-spot and her inner walls perfectly with the tip of his cock, and she felt him twitch again. He was holding off, trying not to be the first to cum, but then she started meeting his thrusts and moaning directly into his ear and he had to grab the headboard for support. His self-control started lacking.

“Matthew,” she breathed his name, lips moving from his to his ear.

He grabbed her face forcefully and kissed her instead. The tone of her voice made the tingling in his stomach and the intense pressure in his balls even worse. She was so warm and tight, wet and clenching around him like a vice that held him as a form of protection from the world, and the more he thrust, the faster his orgasm seemed to approach. He had it right there. He held his long-awaited release and it was starting to grow painful. She needed more and he had to give it to her. If he came now, he wouldn’t forgive himself. But damn her, he thought, because they had sex so many times, she knew his signs and his body and he couldn’t keep the truth from her. He couldn’t deny that his strength wasn’t as great as before and that he would disappoint her; she knew.

She locked her legs around his hips, clawed her nails into his ass, and clenched around him. She was telling him silently that it was okay. Her body invited him to give her his all, but he tried not to let the selfish voice in his head tell him to give in.

She moaned his name again, shivering under his touch and the soft caress of his lips on hers. His finger still drummed against her clit, but he had lost momentum and pressure.

Eliza wrapped her hand around his throat, squeezing slightly and forcing him deeper. “It’s okay,” she said.

“No,” Matt shook his head.

“Yes.” Her heel dug into his lower back, giving him no space to escape. “Let go,” her voice reverberated in his ear. “Now.”

He tried not to, but she left him no choice. He couldn’t have pulled out even if he wanted to. His hips stuttered and he buried his head in the crook of her neck to muffle the whine that slipped his lips when he came. His cum spurted out of him and painted her walls with his seed. The fog overtook him. The endorphins and pure pleasure of his orgasm rendered him useless. He held tightly onto her, needing his lifeline to keep him grounded or he would have fallen. It was intense. It was amazing but it was intense, and his legs gave out.

He clawed at the sheets. The orgasmic haze cleared, hyper-aware of his cum that started to trickle out of her and down his shaft, and the hot sensation made him hiss. Even the silk of the sheets seemed to burn into his skin.

“I’m sorry,” he panted and he pulled out, flopping down on the mattress next to her and turning on her side.

The shame was a cruel monster inside his head, and it paired with the guilt that tainted his bloodstream. His muscles still twitched and he started to burn even brighter, his vision turning into an inferno and the sweat on his skin turning into acid. He wasn’t sure where it came from, but suddenly, his throat tensed up, he couldn’t swallow, and then the tears started to make their descent down his cheeks. The wave crashed in without warning, the shame wrapping a noose around his neck and the guilt scraping the skin of his bones. He felt every last cut of the knife, and the contractions of his soul as he kept whispering the same apology over and over again, “I’m so sorry.”

He was sure he cursed God. He was sure he prayed and thanked him at the same time that he couldn’t see, but he was sure he could smell and hear how disappointed she was. She was hot, her skin sticky and her heart beat fast and loud. She hated him, he was sure of that. He put himself first without asking. He went over her head and put her pleasure second, and then he turned away and cried like a coward. His head hated him and so he started to loathe himself. He promised to be good - he hadn’t been good. He wasn’t good.

“I’m so sorry, forgive me,” he cried, his arms curled under his head and the rest of his body curled into a tight ball. He was shivering, but not from the orgasm.

The silky fabric of the blanket found its way over his body. It stuck to the sweat on his skin, but he pulled it further up nonetheless.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

Eliza wasn’t sure what happened, but as he cried and apologized as if he had just done something terrible, she could only watch in horror as Matt folded in on himself. He was riddled with catholic guilt, she knew that, but she never thought it would extend this far. She had never seen him like this before and it was scary as much as it was heartbreaking - she wasn’t scared of him, she was scared of what his mind might have told him to make him feel this way. He recoiled from her because he was ashamed. He refused her touch because he was ashamed, and he apologized because he was ashamed. He hadn’t done anything. She wasn’t mad, far from it. He was too caught up in his mind to listen to her signs.

She reached out slowly, not sure if he wanted her to touch him. “Hey, no,” she asked, “What are you apologizing for?”

He flinched when she touched him.

“You don’t have to…” he swallowed. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have… God, I’m so sorry.”

When he didn’t pull away, she wrapped her arms around his back fully and hugged him. “Matthew, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything.”

“No, I-”

“Matt, please, nothing happened. Don’t…”

His body was wrecked by another set of sobs. She whimpered.

“Don’t cry, please. There is no reason for you to be ashamed.”

“I used you,” he said.

“No, you didn’t.”

“I used you for my own pleasure and I didn’t even have the guts to finish it. I have every reason to be ashamed. I…”

She hugged him tighter. At first, he fought, but then he took her hands and melted into her touch further, not sure if he liked the fire she lit within him or hated it, but he knew that he needed her touch because it kept him alive when he felt like dying. He needed to hold onto something or he was sure he would slip away. She cooed into his ear, stroking her hands over where she had his forearms trapped, and nuzzled her nose against his cheek.

“I don’t need to cum to enjoy sex,” she murmured into his ear. “I enjoyed myself anyway. Matt, I…”

Eliza pursed her lips, gently rolling the man onto his back. He hid behind his hands, wiping at the tears that just kept coming. She smoothed her hands over his tense biceps. “Sometimes, sex doesn’t work the way we plan it to, and that’s okay. I don’t think I have to tell you that.”

He hiccuped.

“Have you never…” Her eyebrows furrowed when he said nothing. “You’ve never allowed yourself to cum first?” she said.

Matt shook his head weakly. His cheeks flushed, the embarrassment clouding his mind and his senses, and he tried to pull away from her again. She forced him to look at her, holding his hands close to her chest. She smiled, suddenly relieved, and the softest of laughs passed her lips.

“Are you crying because you feel guilty that I didn’t cum?”

“Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor,” he recited.

“Yes, but… Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

He scoffed.

“Point is,” she said, forcing his face in her direction again, “There is no reason for you to feel ashamed or expect me to resent you just because you couldn’t hold your orgasm. I’m okay. You didn’t hurt me, you didn’t do anything. In fact, I encouraged you to let go, Matt. I didn’t want you to hurt yourself just because your good catholic brain thinks he needs to serve everyone but himself. I don’t always need to cum first or at all, baby. I would mind if you didn’t care,” she told him, “but you’re literally crying right now, which means a lot to me that you care this badly, but please stop beating yourself up over something so… so normal. You do not have to please everyone all the time, Matthew. It’s okay. Shit happens. Sex goes wrong, and plans change, but that’s okay. And, I mean, I wouldn’t call this gone wrong. I liked it.”

His eyes fluttered close at the gentle touch on his cheek. The tears stopped falling, but he was still shaking.

“Hey,” she kissed one of the freckles on his chest, “Can you talk to me, at least? So I know you’re okay.”

Matt sniffled. “I’m sorry,” he said.

She scolded, “Stop apologizing.”

“No, I’m sorry you didn’t cum, and I’m sorry for pulling away like that.”

“It’s okay,” Eliza shushed him. “Just don’t scare me like that again, okay?”

“I just feel so guilty…” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat before he added, “I love you so much. I really don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not true. You have no reason to feel guilty.”

She laid down on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her in an instant when he felt her close to him.

“I love you too,” she said. “More than anything.”

The pulse between her legs drummed against his thigh. He stiffened. His hand slid lower, over her shoulder blades and ass cheeks, before he slipped it under the sheets to find her neglected cunt, still wet and sticky from his cum. She smelled like him.

“Matt,” said Eliza, catching his hand in the act. This was not what she intended. “I told you, it’s okay that I didn’t…”

“You were so close,” he stated. “Let me finish what I started.”

“It’s okay, I’m not even that horny any- fuck!”

He dragged a finger through the wetness between her folds, his cum and her arousal coating his tips, then rubbed it over her clit and slipped it right into her tight, abused hole.

Matt kissed her temple, his fingers beginning their expert thrusts. “Let me take care of you,” he said.

“I suppose I could…”

His thumb joined her clit as the other two digits scissored her, stretched her out, and pushed against her g-spot whenever he curled them. Her hips lazily matched his strokes. The position seemed uncomfortable, especially for him, but he reignited the desire in her stomach and since he stopped crying and offered like the gentleman he was… all Eliza knew was that she needed to cum. Now that he was already on it, she didn’t want him to stop. She could have easily lived without an orgasm before his fingers slipped back inside of her - now she had no choice but to comply with the magic of his hands as she kept grinding her pelvis against his fingers.

“Keep rocking your hips like that, love. There you go. Make yourself cum. You deserve it.”

His cum moved even deeper inside of her with every thrust. Her hips grew more desperate, she started moving faster and so did his thumb, applying more pressure to her clit. He listened to the blood rushing under her skin and her heartbeat picking up the pace again. Her nails clawed into his skin in need of leverage and she moaned, sucking one of his nipples into her mouth. His free hand moved to her hair, giving her the comfort she needed to let herself go completely.

Her lower stomach moved along his cock and he was getting more than hard again with every sweet sound that reached his ears. He grunted when she applied more pressure, the tip of his cock as sensitive as ever when it got caught against the blanket.

She stopped grinding on his fingers. “Wait,” she exhaled.

He stopped. “What? You okay?”

“Yeah, fine, just…” She sat up, sliding the covers off his body. “Do you think you can, uh, go again?” she asked with a glimpse at his hard-on.

Matt swallowed.

“I just want to feel you inside of me. Please, Matthew.”

His fingers slipped from her cunt. He took them into his mouth, tasting her and himself on the tips of his fingers. He sighed. Her hands rested on his thighs, wide eyes looking up at him expectantly. Her walls pulsated, desperate to feel his cock inside of her again, desperate to cum with him filling her up again.

Hesitantly, he nodded. He would hold back this time, no matter how much it hurt. He would let her cum again and again, as many times as she wanted before he would even think about letting himself cum.

He angled his hands on her hips to help her move up and over his pelvis, lining his cock up with her entrance. She threw her head back when she finally sank down on him. She didn’t need to adjust, she only lowered herself down on him until he was all the way inside and instantly started to rock back and forth with his cock deep inside of her.

He pushed his head into the pillow. His thumb moved back to her clit and he continued the gentle abuse until her thighs shook around his hips and her movements grew sloppy. Her palm rested flat against his scarred chest, the other holding onto the wrist that was between her legs, stimulating her in all the right ways and places.

She could grasp the orgasm again, it was right there, right where she needed him most, and he started to thrust into her from below. He hit her g-spot.

“Fuck, Matthew, I-”

Eliza couldn’t possibly finish her sentence. He caught her by the neck, her thighs locking around his hips and her cunt squeezing his cock tightly. She came, crying softly, and his fingers tightened around her pulse point. She shook, quivering, and her clit pulsated from where his thumb still rubbed against it. Her voice got lost on her, she could only whimper and whine. The thrust he met hers with eased up, her orgasm dragging on for minutes before the wave finally started to subside and retreat back into the ocean of pleasure that left her lightheaded and happy, all tension having fallen off her shoulders, and the minutes before only a distant blur in her head.

She sighed happily.

“Was that penance enough?” he asked. The flush on his cheeks had traveled to his chest again, the sight of his something to be photographed and hung up on the wall as an artistic masterpiece.

She chuckled, stroking his abs. “Partly,” she said.

“What do you mean partly?”

“Well,” she lifted her hips as much as possible, “someone’s still hard.” His cock slipped out of her and slapped against his stomach, emphasizing her point.

“Sweetheart, I already…” Matt swallowed thickly when she sat back down on him, his tip bumping her clit, and they both jolted at the overstimulation. “You don’t have to do this,” he said, but she had already started using the wetness between them to her advantage.

She slid back and forth on his cock, granting herself the sweetest friction of his shaft against her clit and her puffy folds. The swollen bundle of nerves twitched with every stroke and it added to the knot that was quick to build again.

“Give me one more and we’re even,” she purred sweetly, picking up the pace and his disapproving grunt turned into a strangled moan. His pre-cum added to the cum trickling out of her and all of her arousal, causing an obscene cacophony of sounds to fill the room that already smelled of sex, tears, and catholic guilt.

“You know I can deal without a second o-oh, fuck!”

“Two for two. It’s only fair. Now,” she grabbed his hand and forced it back around her throat, “choke me with those beautifully thick fingers of yours while I fuck myself on your cock.”

He growled, tightening his fist so tightly around her throat, she gurgled and saw stars. Matt didn’t even hesitate this time.

“Whore,” he choked out, her hips growing sloppy and her cunt clenching around the air.

She chuckled, nails digging into the area around his nipples as she tugged at them to make him moan. “Yours,” she said.

“Mine,” he said.

“God, I love you so much.”

She shivered.

“My good girl.”

Her body locked up and she came long before he did, his cock disappearing between her folds momentarily as she spasmed over him, coating not only his length but his stomach in her wetness.

His fingers squeezed again, knocking the air out of her lungs. In an instant, he had pulled her back down on him, his cock buried deep in her cunt and he thrust upward two more times before his stomach and balls tensed up and he came hard inside of her, his cum coating her walls for the second time and making her feel so incredibly full, she moaned. She clenched to keep him inside, to feel him mark her forever and keep the reminder of him deep inside of her.

His grip loosened and she toppled over, head landing on his chest, and she panted heavily into his chest. She felt like a used, wet towel covered in cum and sweat and some of his tears. He held her, not quite trusting himself just yet either. His entire body shook with the aftershocks of his orgasm and hers combined, chest heaving and aligning with hers.

After a moment of regaining power over their minds and limbs, Eliza lifted her head, cheekily staring into his eyes. “Guess we fixed that,” she said.

He took a deep breath before he laughed, pulling out of her and rolling them over until she was on her back and he could slot himself between her thighs. She yelped. His grin reached from one to the other ear, diving down to capture her lips in a loving, heated kiss that had her sighing into his mouth.

“I’m sorry for earlier,” he said. “I overreacted.”

As he traced her hair out of her face, she returned the gesture with another kiss. “Don’t overthink it,” she said. “As I said, shit happens. Sex doesn’t always work flawlessly.”

“I know, but… I don’t know, no one’s ever been this attentive to my needs before and I just… I can’t believe that you’re still here with me.”

“You better start believing then, counselor, because you’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.”

“I’m starting to think you’re right.”

“About damn time.”

Their fingers intertwined over her head and their lips found back home again.

The clock kept ticking, but for them, time had long stopped being real. They enjoyed each other’s company with lazy kisses under the warm blankets, the sun shining through the closed curtains and turning the brown in his eyes into the color of honey. His lip glistened with her saliva and hers were swollen from the many times he had buried his teeth in her bottom lip. His hand rested on her sternum, fingers resting just above her aorta where he felt her pulse steadily thrumming against the skin from below. She was alive, he was alive, and they were together, right where they belonged. There was no reason to worry. There was no reason to feel ashamed. She didn’t run or curse him, she stayed. If he had to keep his hand around her neck forever to remind him of that, he would gladly do it and she would let him.

After a prolonged shower, the couple feasted on the pancakes that had long gone cold. With a glimpse at the clock, Eliza realized they spent more than three hours tangled in bed together, and he had already let her sleep in which put the time somewhere around noon when they finally had breakfast and coffee.

It was a domestic sight; Matt did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen while she sat back and watched him move around in everyday clothes and a content smile on his face. The happiness bloomed in her chest like a young flower, still fragile and not at her full size, but it was growing and blooming with each passing sunray. He was her sun and her love was growing more and more every day, as did her happiness. The field of positive emotions was expanding and she couldn’t wait to tell someone, anyone, about how happy he made her. Eliza was sure she would combust. Even during their darkest times, they held each other’s hands, and she would never pull away from him again.

The harsh ringtone of her phone tore her out of her dreamy haze. She flinched, reaching for the device at the edge of the table. “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she muttered under her breath when she read the caller ID.

Matt frowned. “What?” he asked, his lips pursed in the most adorable, most curious pout she had seen in a while.

Eliza shook her head. “It’s just… Happy,” she said.

“And? Aren’t you waiting for a call from him?”

“I’m waiting for Tony to call me back, not his forehead of security.”

“Forehead of-”

“Doesn’t matter. I gotta take this.”

“Oh,” he hummed, “Okay.”

Closing the door behind her, she swiped left. She answered without wasting a second on pleasantries, “About fucking time you picked up your phone to call me back,” she said.

“I’m sorry, I was busy,” Happy retorted. Behind him, several voices kept screaming at each other. “Stark Industries doesn’t sleep, not even on weekends, you know that.”

“I’m well aware, but I called you because it was urgent and you what, didn’t even listen to my fifty voicemails until now?”

“Listen, Liz, I didn’t even think you’d still read the letter. I tried to talk to Tony, but he won’t let anyone into his office, as usual. I talked to Pepper, but he hasn’t talked to her either. I tried his cell, but he won’t answer. I don’t think it’s personal. He’s shutting us out, too.”

“Did you tell him, at least?”

“Of course, I did. I told him you wanted to talk, but I got nothing. No reaction, no sign of life, nothing. You know, maybe you should come over and talk to him in person.”

“Talk to him in-” She bit down on her fist, trying to calm the quiver in her voice. “I left him ten voicemails. If he doesn’t answer them, that’s his problem. I made a step toward him. I told him I’m open to negotiation. If he’s not willing to talk to me, he can take his letter and shove it up his fucking ass! Tell him that. Maybe that will wake him up.”

“You know he hates confrontation,” he said.

“By God, that is not my problem.”

Happy sighed. “Did you go to your father’s apartment yet? You said he left you the key in the letter, right?”

“I don’t know if I will,” she said, her answer truthful and vulnerable but at the same time incredibly angry. “I remember what he wrote in his letter, but I don’t know many things right now, so it’d be nice of Tony to get his shit together and talk to me like a normal person. He started this. He has to find the guts to talk to me. I won’t take another step before he doesn’t crawl out from under this depressive stone he’s crawled himself under. I respect he’s struggling, but he wasn’t there when I was struggling, so I will not cave. I did my part, now it’s his turn.”

“Look, I’m trying, okay? But I can’t promise anything. Hell, I don’t even know what he’s thinking. I can’t help you with this, Liz. You and Tony need to solve this yourself. I can’t be the messenger,” he said. “I’ve got enough on my plate with the work Pepper has left me with since she doesn’t have you to help her anymore, and I just… I’m drowning here, so I need you to reconcile with Tony and get back here.”

Eliza let out a high-pitched laugh. “No,” she answered plainly. “I have a job, I have a life and I won’t be roped back into being a servant. The Avengers are over and I’m done. I’m willing to talk to Tony but only if he shows that he still cares about what he wrote in that letter. That is my condition. If you won’t… if you don’t want to play the messenger, that’s fine,” she said, “I still love you like family, Happy. This is not your weight to carry, you’re right. But if Tony doesn’t answer me, I guess you will have to deal with the fact that I won’t return. That’s my condition, that’s the deal. Tony comes to me or I won’t come back at all. There is no negotiating a peace if neither parties are willing to make a truce.”

He challenged her with, “Are you?”

She nodded, her jaw set in stone. “I am, but is Tony? That’s the real question. If I don’t get an answer, that only means he doesn’t care about reconciling, or he’s changed his mind about me, I don’t know. I don’t care. I just want to move on. Tell him that. Let him know where I stand one last time, and that’s it. If he still doesn’t act, that’s his problem and I won’t bother you with this anymore. But I won’t come around for someone who doesn’t care about putting effort into getting our relationship back on track. I need him to take the bait first before I take that road. He doesn’t deserve the cab money I’d spend to get to you, not yet.”

The line went eerily quiet before he gave a weary sigh. “Alright, I’ll tell him. One last time,” he emphasized, “and then it’s on the two of you to figure this out.”

“Thank you!”

“I only do this because I love you.”

“Thanks, Happy, appreciate it.”

“And because you’re both very dear to me, but that’s it.”

“I get it, thank you.”

“Yeah.”

“And Happy?”

“What?”

“I’m, uh, planning to have a funeral for my father. I don’t… You’ve never met him but maybe, if I end up deciding that I want this… maybe you want to come? Would that- would that be something you can do?”

“Oh,” he stuttered. “I… yes, of course. If that- if you want this, sure. Tell me the time and place and I’ll be there.”

Eliza nodded slowly, her eyes trailing out onto the street below the apartment and the Billboard that stood before it. “I haven’t my mind up yet,” she said. “I might not do it, I don’t know. I guess I’d have to go to his apartment first, see what he left me, but I can’t… if Tony and I can’t even get our shit together after he wrote that letter and I realized I made mistakes too, what use would it have to try and make amends with what Anton left me? He’s the reason all of this shit went down in the first place. He forced Tony to make an impossible decision. And I still…” Her fist hit the window quietly. “I still love him like a daughter would love a father who was there. It’s… it’s twisted. So please, Happy, tell Tony to call me back, at least. I need to know where we stand,” she said. “And I’ll tell you the rest over a cup of coffee, okay?”

He seemed to scramble something on the other end. Paper rustled and he pulled out a pen. “How about tomorrow at…” he flipped a page, “Ten?”

She chuckled. “Can’t. Uh, Matt is making me go to Sunday Mass with him.”

“You’re going to church?”

“Yeah, mostly because I need to talk funeral arrangements with the father because you know, my dad was Russian catholic, so a catholic funeral is the closest he can get here, and Matt said Clinton Church actually does these really nice services… I don’t know, I’m coming with him to find answers and some guidance on what to do, I guess,” she trailed off.

It sounded as if he nodded on the other end. “You want me to come?” he asked.

“What?” Eliza sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. “No, I…” she shook her head. “Would you?”

The question was useless. Even though Happy was far from being a catholic or a church-goer, he would do it for her. He would pack his stuff and come to church with her. She didn’t need to ask to know the answer he would give.

“Where is it?”

“Clinton Church,” she told him.

“I’ll be there.”

“Wait, maybe I should ask Matt-”

“Oh, no, he offered,” said Happy.

“Wait, what?”

“Not this Sunday mass, of course, but he asked me if I wanted to join him for some church gatherings someday. When we were texting, I mean.”

Her eyes almost bulged out of her head. “You texted?”

“We do every day, yeah.”

“How did I not know this?” She looked over at the closed bedroom door.

“Well, he said he wants to get to know me because you guys are pretty serious and he wants to make sure you have a good support system.”

“He… he said that?”

The glaze of unshed tears wiped over her eyes. Her heart grew even heavier with the pure love that weighed like a brick of gold. She was so thankful, it almost hurt how in love she was with him. She was sure she picked the right one.

Matt was the kind of man who would care about her always, and make sure she wasn’t alone when she needed someone. She was the first and last thought on his mind all day, every day, and he used every chance he got to take care of her with all he had, even if he had to wear himself thin for it. He dedicated his life and his soul to the people he loved, and now she was the one thing he cherished most in life and she got everything he had to give, no matter how scared or insecure he was. He held on even when she couldn’t. He was afraid she might leave him again, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing her - he held on because he loved her and he showed her that in all the ways he could, in all the ways he only knew how. She didn’t deserve even half of what he did for her.

“He’s the one,” she murmured.

The tap in the other room turned on and she hoped the water concealed her words enough for him to not pick them up.

“I’m gonna marry him, Happy,” Eliza blurted out, her head turned far away from the door.

He gasped. “Wow, okay,” he said.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t… but I needed to tell someone. Because if he comes to you to ask for your blessing - and he will, I mean, that man is highly catholic and you’re the closest thing I have to a father right now - I want you to say yes because him? I’m not letting him go again, no matter what it takes. Even if I have to propose to him myself.”

She knew she couldn’t give him the kind of traditional family his religion saw fit, but she wanted to give him everything else she could. She wanted to be his family and she wanted to grow old with him. And if she was already so sure about that, she was certain she wouldn’t change her mind again. The feeling was overwhelming and it needed to be said out loud, and the more she admitted it to herself, the bigger the flower of happiness in her chest grew. it overshadowed all the pain and the fear that once consumed her. With Matt, she had hope, and she was sure she could one day be happy and careless just with him. Him and her, for all eternity, because he was the only man she truly needed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Happy said suddenly. She had missed about half of their conversation.

She blinked, tearing her eyes away from the streets of New York. “Sure, yeah, tomorrow,” she said.

The line clicked and she was left alone in the buzz of love and her thoughts putting a blanket of comfort over her.

Matt, who seemed laser-focused on cleaning the cupboard with his spice collection, jumped a little when he felt her arms around his waist. “Hey there,” he chuckled softly, her face buried between his shoulder blades.

Eliza breathed him in. She could not be waivered in her decision - she loved him. He was home. “Thank you,” she said.

“For what?” he asked.

“Everything.”

He got off his tiptoes to turn around, holding her in his arms now. “Everything?”

“I love you.” She leaned up to kiss him. “So much.”

He chuckled. “And I love you so much, too.”

“Did you hear us talking on the phone?”

“No,” it wasn’t even a lie, “Why?”

“No reason.”

“Is there something I need to know?”

“Not yet,” she told him.

“What’s that mean?”

“Nothing. I’m just glad you’re here with me.”

He kissed her again, then engulfed her in a bone-crushing hug that took all of the air out of her lungs.

Eventually, he loosened his grip to feel his wrist, checking for his watch. When he couldn’t find it, he sighed. “What time is it?” Matt asked.

She kissed his empty wrist, eyes switching to the oven clock. It came with the apartment, most likely, but didn’t benefit him in any way. “Six,” she answered.

He could tell by the change in air density and the fading tourist sounds that were replaced by music and limousines driving the streets of Hell’s Kitchen toward Manhattan that it was already dark outside.

“Is it dark?” he checked to clarify.

“Almost,” she said. “Why?”

“Get dressed,” he then told her. “We’re leaving at seven.”

“What’s going on? Why are we leaving?”

“I have a surprise for you.” His lip twitched. “Just do as you’re told, sweetheart. You’re gonna love it, I promise.”

“What kind of clothes?”

“I don’t know, clothes.”

“Matt.”

“Honestly, you can wear a trash bag. I don’t care.”

Eliza huffed, but she distanced herself from him against all reservations and returned to the bedroom. She pulled out a pair of jeans and a shirt - the most basic outfit choice she could think of. In her mind, they were going for a walk or breaking into a museum to have a date night. She didn’t think much of it. Matt loved to take risks and he loved spontaneous arrangements even more. She wondered if he would take her to have some street food and ice cream, perhaps return to the Lavender Haze park that she had grown to love after their shared dance. Maybe he would take her dancing. Or he would do something unexpected and they would end up in trouble. She wasn’t sure and she hated he refused to tell her.

When she got out of the bedroom, dressed and ready, and she caught sight of him, she settled on the latter suspicion.

He was wearing his Daredevil suit, minus the cowl, standing at the foot of the couch waiting for her. “Hold up,” she said. her heart dropped, her face paled and her fingers started to itch. She had been angry and sweating before during the phone call, but… she didn’t like this. Whatever idea he had, it was a bad one.

“Do I need to wear fighting equipment, is that- what are we doing?” Eliza gave him a questioning and suspicious look. “You know I can’t… it’s dangerous for me to be out there, Matt. You can’t just take me out after sunset all ominous with a secret surprise in your Daredvil suit, not after what happened yesterday. Dark alleys are no great surprises. Being a vigilante is not my thing.”

Matt grabbed her shoulders to bring her face-to-face with him again. He smashed their lips together to shut her up, her heartbeat loud and clear and about twice its usual speed. “Relax,” he said, “We’re not doing that.”

“Then why are you wearing that fucking suit?”

Even her body was shaking.

“Shh,” he stroked his thumb over her cheek, “The surprise is waiting somewhere I can’t be Matt Murdock, but that’s it. We’re not jumping head-first into reckless danger. I’m not trying to push you to use your powers or anything like that. I would never do that, baby.”

“I don’t understand,” she whispered, bottom lip between her teeth.

What if she hurt someone again?

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

She couldn’t say no to that, so she answered truthfully, as always, “Of course, I do,” she said.

“Then let me take you there and you’ll see that it’s only half bad. Hm?” He tugged at her lip. “Can you do that for me, Angel?”

Eliza shivered. “I don’t…” she looked into his sparkling eyes, the small smirk on his lips, and the trust she had for him exceeded her expectations. “Okay,” she said, caving. “I can do that.”

“Good ‘cause we have to leave now if we don’t want to be late.” He pecked her lips. “Let’s do this, huh? Let me surprise you.”

“I hate surprises.”

“You’re gonna have a love-hate relationship with this one, trust me.”

Eliza pouted after him as he jogged up the stairs to the roof exit. “That somehow makes it worse.”

He chuckled, opening the door and waiting for her to follow in his footsteps. “Are you coming?” he said.

She clutched the necklace he gifted her.

“Sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” she grumbled, “I’m coming.”

“That’s my girl.”

He didn’t miss the death glare she shot him as she passed by him.

“Don’t be so pessimistic,” Matt slapped her ass, “It’s not a good look on you.”

“Stop slapping my ass,” she retorted.

Clicking his tongue, he chuckled, “Never.”

He took her down dark roads over dark rooftops and alleyways until they reached a particularly dark dead end. It seemed like a driveway in an alley somewhere in Hell’s Kitchen, the space leading up to the door of a garage.

Matt placed a finger against his lips when she opened her mouth. “What are we doing here?” she asked anyway.

“Trust me,” he mouthed back. He reached for the lock on the door.

“Wait, are we breaking in?”

“Eliza.”

“That’s illegal.”

But he didn’t break the lock, thank God, he only took it and banged it against the metal. It was a rhythm of two thuds, a small pause, and then another three. She stared at her boyfriend, the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen in all of his glory with the moonlight falling on his red eyes, and then at the metal door that separated them from whatever place they found themselves.

She grabbed his arm when they received no answer, whispering into his ear. “We should go. Whatever we’re doing here, this can wait until the morning, can’t it?”

After everything, she was a bit queasy about cops. She didn’t want to be a suspect again. That didn’t end so well the last time.

“It’s gonna be fine,” he assured her. “Just… wait. Sometimes it takes a moment.”

Matt knocked again, this time with his clothed fist. The same rhythm filled the quiet night. For a few seconds, the world went deathly quiet. Then, finally, the lock twisted and turned and it clicked. His lip twitched into a satisfied, knowing smirk. He opened the door, holding it open behind him so Eliza could step into the dimly lit garage after him.

She kept her head low, her heartbeat steady but with goosebumps on her skin. She wasn’t sure what to think of this place if she was supposed to trust it or be weary. Matt seemed more than comfortable, but that didn’t mean anything. The person this garage belonged to could turn out to be her worst enemy for all she knew, he wouldn’t even have to know.

“I was wondering when you’d come,” the male voice somewhere on the other end of the room behind wooden palettes and mannequins said. “Thanks to the measurements you gave me, I got finished much faster than usual. It’s not perfect, but you said it was urgent so I focused more on the practical components than the aesthetic ones. I hope that’s okay. Although I’ve been wondering why you’d need such a small suit.” The man chuckled, his voice now resembling the sound of a child’s laughter.

He stepped out of the darkness of the other half of his garage, bald-headed with a mustache and wearing a blue flannel atop a v-neck and a pair of jeans. His boots scratched against the floor. He held a towel in his hand, another over his shoulder. When he saw Matt in the comfort of the dark, he didn’t shy away, he only smiled.

“You didn’t lose weight,” he stated. “Oh, but the holes in your suit…” The stranger approached him and Eliza’s fists clenched at her sides, ready to attack him even though he screamed anything but dangerous in the way he carried himself, and he spoke like he couldn’t consciously hurt a fly. He looked strong, but only physically, his mind seemed to be a little more twisted. “What did you do, get shot at?”

“Melvin,” Matt interrupted him instead.

“Yes?”

“I want you to meet someone,” he said.

He stepped aside to reveal her. She frowned, looking between him and who she suspected was Melvin. He looked confused at first, then his eyes widened and he stepped back.

“Woah, man, I told you…” he reached for the screwdriver on his workbench. “No new people. You promised. For me, for- for Betsy. You were supposed to be my friend!”

Eliza instantly lifted her arms at the smallest hint of fear in his voice and demeanor. “No,” she said, “No, I’m not a bad guy. Far from it. I’m just… Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I’m not here to hurt you. He didn’t bring me here to hurt you. Melvin, was it?” she asked.

He nodded.

“You seem like a good guy, Melvin. Good intuition. Tell me, am I lying?”

Melvin eyed her carefully, his grip on the screwdriver loosening, as did Matt’s shoulders. He looked at the Daredevil, his lips pursed. “It’s for her?” he asked.

“Yes,” said Matt.

“Is she like you? A superhero?”

“Do you watch the news?”

“No, Betsy won’t let me.”

“That’s… understandable. Doesn’t matter. You’ve heard about the Avengers though, right?”

Melvin nodded, surer this time.

“Well, she’s one of them, and she’s my friend. So in some ways, she is like me, but in most ways, she is better. Now, I didn’t come here to hurt you. We have a deal, you’re right. I asked you to do this for her.”

“You’re an Avenger?” he questioned, eyeing her up and down again. His shoulders straightened and he stepped closer. “Which one?”

“Well, I’m not the Hulk,” Eliza said. She shrugged.

He looked at her more closely, then his lip cracked up and he laughed. He laughed loudly, eyes crinkling at the corners, and only then did Matt ease up completely and she sighed, somehow more relieved that he didn’t run away screaming than anything else.

“I’m Eliza,” she told him.

“My name’s Melvin. Potter,” he said.

“Nice meeting you.”

“I make his suits.”

“You-” she turned to Matt with raised eyebrows. “That is oddly interesting,” she said.

“D saved me and Betsy from Mister Fisk. I owe him my life.”

Matt chuckled awkwardly, waving his hand. “It’s not… it doesn’t matter,” he shrugged it off. “It was nothing. Fisk deserved to be locked away.”

“According to Melvin, you are a hero.”

“That’s because he is. Daredevil is a hero,” said Melvin. He scrambled back to reach for a box he put on the shelf that separated both halves of the room. It was a brown wooden box with a bow.

Eliza eyed the bow curiously.

“So I help Daredevil out,” he continued, “and he helps me out. Today though, I’ve helped him by making this.”

Matt removed his glove and stopped him, a bare hand on the box. “Thanks, Melvin,” he said.

“You want me to give it to her now?”

Eliza stepped into the light of the lamp that hung from the ceiling and shone its light on the workbench. “Give me what?” she asked.

The two men shared a look. He toyed with the bow.

“When you got hurt last night, I thought… you said you didn’t have a suit and that you need to be in control of yourself so you can control your powers. I know that doesn’t even begin to cut it close,” he said, “but I asked Melvin to make something for you so you can try again. I know how much you need the fight, almost more than I do.”

Matt motioned for Melvin to open the lid. He did.

“What did you do?” Eliza murmured.

The bow slipped off. She peeked into the dark inside. It was the same red fabric Matt had incorporated into his suit, though hers was a mix between black, scarlet, maroon and crimson, all sorted in different spots. The chest piece looked similar to a pair of feathery wings, the sleeves long with cut-outs on her elbow and her upper arms and there was a belt around the waist attached to something resembling a skirt, but it was open in the front and attached to a pair of leather pants. The cleavage was barely visible, a few leather bands attached to a piece around the collarbones and throat. They were sewn in a triangular formation, and in the middle of the amalgamation of fabric with the small slits in-between, there set a red crystal. It wasn’t real, or she figured it wasn’t, but it was formed like a rhombus or a diamond and the color fit perfectly. And when she touched it, it glowed.

“Oh, my God,” she whispered. Her breath got stolen away. “D… Melvin… I- I don’t know how… Jesus fucking Christ.”

“It’s not perfect because I had to rush, but if you look at it from the outside,” Melvin told her and lifted the suit out of its confines, “It actually looks pretty good. The crimson parts can divert a bullet, the black might deflect a knife, and the other ones… well, they’re actually just fillers for decoration. So maybe try not to get shot or stabbed there.”

“The crystal,” she pointed out.

“Oh, that’s just for decoration, but it lights up under touch, so if you ever need a flashlight in the dark…” he pressed his finger down on it. The softest red glow erupted from the stone, and the glass that enveloped it glittered slightly. “One of Betsy’s necklaces gave me the idea.” he looked so adorable. He was proud of himself, there was no doubt about it, and she couldn’t blame him.

The suit was beautiful, with careful craftsmanship and he put thought behind it. It was nothing like the Avengers suit Tony made for her or the one she had to wear at SHIELD. This one was personalized, especially with the angel wings and the red. Matt must have told him all about her because the suit was hers. It spelled Red Angel. The one thing people would expect upon hearing her name laid right in her hands, and she could wear it any time. She could become a hero again, one that would be known as more than just an Avenger. It was a fever dream and Matt had made it true with just one phone call the other night. He did that for her. For her, for Eliza, not just for anyone. First the necklace, now the suit - he was planning to make her cry.

She blinked the tears away. “It’s beautiful,” her voice bordered on a whisper.

“Would you like to put it on?” Melvin asked. “I need to see if I got the measurements right.”

“I don’t doubt he got them just right,” she told him with a look at Matt. The man blushed the same color as his suit. “But yes, I’d like to put it on, if you don’t mind.”

he opened his arms toward a secluded space. “You can get changed over there if you want.”

She grabbed the suit with shaky hands, excitement and anxiety blurring together. “Thanks.”

“Meanwhile, I gotta fix the holes in your man’s suit. It’s a wonder he hasn’t been killed yet, walking around like that…”

As she kept shedding out of her clothes behind the wooden palettes, she chuckled. “I thought the same thing,” she declared.

“It’s just a few scrapes,” Matt jumped to his own defense.

Melvin went in with a needle and thread, adding some more of the fabric he found. “You should have brought this to me sooner,” he said.

“I didn’t have the time, and I’m here now, so…”

“Almost too late.”

By the time Eliza had finished squeezing into the tight fabric, Melvin had patched up most of the significant holes in the Daredevil suit. Upon his offer to do more than just add a few stitches, Matt declined. He heard her accelerated heartbeat and her steps approaching from behind the curtain.

Judging from Melvin’s stunned silence, she must have looked good. She brushed past him and stood in front of the mirror that stood against the dirty wall. “Zip me up?” she said to Matt.

His hands went to work. They would have without being asked to, but he didn’t want to come off desperate. He found the zipper and pulled it up, feeling the fabric in the process. It was similar to his but not the same. He touched the waistline and the way the entire suit fit her body perfectly, every last measurement in the right place. The top hugged her breasts perfectly and offered support even without a bra and the makeshift skirt that he told him to add gave her the same individuality she lacked in the other suits. This was her now, no one else’s, and like this, she couldn’t be confused with anyone else.

He touched the gem in the middle of her sternum. “Perfect,” he purred into her ear. “You look perfect.”

Tears sprung into her eyes. She hadn’t quite comprehended the sight of herself in such a perfectly tailored fight suit yet. Tony did his best with her old one, but no one had ever personalized it the way Melvin did before. Especially the wings that adorned the front made it look so much more epic. It wasn’t just a suit, this was like a second skin made for her specifically, and she had Matt to thank for that. Without his senses, he wouldn’t have been able to guess her measurements right. His attention to detail paid off in the end, especially around the zones that were hard to fit. She had never felt more comfortable in a piece of clothing.

“Wow, this is… thank you,” she breathed. “Thank you, Matt, really. I don’t know what else to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I told you, you only deserve the best. And maybe this proves to you that you are meant to be a hero.”

“Maybe you’re right…”

“I’ve got something else for you,” Melvin cut in from behind. He held two knives in his hands, possibly even daggers. “These are made to fit into the holsters on your thighs,” he explained. “Here.” He demonstrated by sliding the blade into the tiny pockets on the sides of her pants. “I heard you might need those.”

Knowing Matt probably told him all about her obsession with knives, she chuckled. “It’s beautiful,” said Eliza, admiring the sight of the handles sticking out of her thighs and how they blended with the rest of the suit. “Thank you, Melvin.”

He nodded. “I also have matching gloves, if you’d be interested.”

“I thought you said you had limited time.”

“There’s always time for gloves.”

He pulled them from the wooden box and handed them to her. She slid the leather gloves on, relishing the fact that even they fit perfectly, neither too large nor too small. She moved her fingers, testing the flexibility. She could easily fight like that, use all of her skills, and still be protected.

“Thank you, really,” she said again, eyeing her new outfit in the mirror. She felt comfortable in her skin, finally, like nothing could disturb her. She was invincible, almost. “I couldn’t have asked for a better gift.”

“Your boyfriend had the idea, I just executed it.”

She smiled up at Matt who seemed to try and bite back a smirk. “I know. I guess he just really loves me.”

“I guess he does,” said Matt.

“You’re crazy.”

He stood behind her again, stroking her shoulders and the new sensation of the fabric on her skin. “Someone had to give you faith again, even if it’s just in yourself. Tell me,” he said, “did I succeed?”

Eliza placed the palm of his hand over her heart. “You did,” she said, and her heartbeat was sure to underline the truth of the statement.

His teeth grazed her ear. “You know, I believe there are a few robbers in the bank down the street. I can hear them.”

She smirked, his red eyes dangerously staring into hers through the mirror. She matched his demeanor, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers at her side. “That would be unfortunate if we didn’t stop them, don’t you think?”

“Indeed it would,” he hummed. “Would you like to test the suit’s flexibility now, my Angel?”

Pulling him with her toward the door, she paid no mind to Melvin’s confused figure in their way. And she said to him, “I thought you’d never ask, my Devil.” As if she had never doubted herself in the first place, ever.

And just like that, the Red Angel was reborn and Daredevil, the man without fear, sustained her existence with a love he had never fathomed possible to conjure up for anyone but his city. The two became a team to be reckoned with, and with trouble on the horizon like every dark and twisted night in Hell’s Kitchen, New York needed their personal bodyguards more than ever.

New York City, the city that never sleeps, and a duo of vigilantes that no criminal wanted to mess with - that no one knew even existed until it was too late, and Hell’s Kitchen could fall asleep in peace (or a resemblance of that, at least) once more.

[tolkpopfan]

Kpop questions: 22, 26, 27?

Ooh! Fun.

22. How I got into kpop.

Well, it was in early September of 2015 and I was in 7th grade. I was into anime and wanted to find some Japanese pop music to listen to so I found this online radio called BigBRadio that specialized in East Asian pop music. Mainly C/J/K-pop. I visited it now and then but I noticed at one point that one of the moderators had embedded a YouTube music video for a kpop song in the daily feed and I was curious so I clicked it. I was immediately FASCINATED. The song was called Vanilla Shake I think and the artist is N.Caa or something? But anyway, her vibes, the whole aesthetic of the music video, it was all so fun and I had to know more. I remembered having seen a comment on random YouTube video mentioning EXO as a kpop group, so I looked them up and I was immediately hooked. They were like my anime boys with the colorful hair and fancy coordinated outfits except, even better, these guys were REAL. Most of my special interests up to that point were centered around music or cute boys and finally I was able to combine those 2 in addition to East Asian culture which I was already interested in, and found pretty much the perfect special interest.

26. Do I prefer boy groups, girl groups, coed groups, or smth in between?

Although I like girl groups, I generally prefer boy groups for a couple of reasons. The main one is that I’m more attracted to men than women. But the other one is that it seems a lot more common in girl groups to debut idols that cannot sing at all. Not that this doesn’t happen in boy groups but I feel like girl groups are especially notorious for being debuted with gorgeous members who are insufficiently skilled at singing. It’s gotten better over time, but I’ve also had a hard time getting into any new groups after I had some bad depression a couple of years ago and unfortunately a lot of my fav girl groups were disbanded but most of the boy groups did not. (Sistar, Girls’ Day, and Miss A my beloveds)

27. Kpop idol is want to hang out with

OOOOOH. Hard one. Probably Seungmin and I have good reasons for this. Even if Skz hadn’t been one of my long time favs I’d still probably pick him because we would be able to relate over singing and Day6. Day6 karaoke with Seungmin would be a literal dream come true. I know that I’d be super nervous at first but I would get into it really quickly and it would be so much fun. Like I think he’s really attractive and all but that kind of attention isn’t something I crave from him. No, it’s Day6 karaoke with him that I crave and have craved for a long time. I also just feel like if I said something a little out of left field or overly blunt like I tend to do, he’s probably the kind of person that would think it’s funny rather than being weirded out by it.

Thanks for the ask!!!!!!!

[masonshine]

Hi Kao!!! I see the Infamous brainrot has you too haha :) Can you tell us more about Salomé? She looks so very cool 🥰 Hope you're doing well!!!

Hello PD! I'm doing good, thank you 💕 Hope you're doing great as well!!

LOL yeah, there's no escaping the Infamous obsession. I played it sometime late April and i haven't been able to think of anything else since lol It's already shaping up to be one of my favourite IFs.

Ahh thank you so much, you're too kind 🥰 Kinda struggled to decide how i wanted Salomé to be and what i wanted for her but i'm satisfied so far with what i came up with. Tho some things are still subject to change and others are in progress.

So sorry in advance because this got long and also for my messy rambling!

Salomé Jackson is her real name, which she also uses as her stage name. I know i want a middle name for her but i still haven't found the perfect one. Her mother is latina with middle eastern roots and her father white american (french and irish origins).

Salomé is the frontwoman of Fatal Flaw. She is an avid reader and was always interested in Greek Mythology so that's the reason she (and Seven) chose that as a name. Plus it just sounded cool lol

Fatal Flaw's an alternative rock band, think The Neighborhood, Willow Smith, Arctic Monkeys, Beabadoobee, L'Arc-en-ciel (a japanese rock band) type of songs. I have not come up with their album or most popular song names yet, although i have some lyrics written down.

Even tho she's really into it because she loves music and singing, she also enjoys being loved and recognized (she's... love starved thanks to her parents, so the celebrity life kinda gives her the love she longs for) and she's working hard to make a name for her band.

Seven is her ex and she's absolutely not over him. The fight and the breakup impacted her BADLY. That was like such a turnpoint in her life. Seven really was her everything; she loved him so much and thought he was her forever, so him not being around anymore completely turned her life upside down. It also increased her abandonment issues which were already there thanks to her parents again, and as such she's become more wary of hurting ppl she loves and actually started trying harder to please everyone, specifically her band members which she considers family.

That's one of the reasons she's been trying her hardest not to make the band about herself, and actually let the others get their shine too. Also one of the reasons she chose to share the bus with Soft Violence, for Rowan's sake (the other reason being her somehow still wanting to be in Seven's vicinity even tho that would do nothing but hurt her). I don't wanna call her a ppl pleaser per se but...

Salomé also has a crush on her role model Griffin Reign. It's just an innocent (for now) crush one might get on their fav celebrity. Absolutely no worries of it becoming smth more, not at all. It would be wrong... and well, she just could never like him that way (lies).

Salomé smokes, drinks and does drugs. I wouldn't say she's addicted to any of the three but her using depends on her mood. It did increase after her breakup with Seven (tho she only got into drugs after it) but she's been trying to pace herself lately with her participation in BOTB. She needs to be responsible about it and doesn't wanna screw things up for her band.

So this is basically it? Maybe i forgot smth important? Anyway if you wanna know anything, don't hesitate to ask 😊