#but be careful you don’t get hopelessly addicted to something

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

boys I think the secret to not being depressed is simply keeping yourself so distracted you don’t think about how bad you feel or the things that make you sad

[reverieblondie]

Be Sweet to Me

Chapter 2

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara X Fem!reader

Warnings: None for this chapter, but there will be eventual smut, Pining, and teasing. Alternating POVs, wandering eyes.

Summary: He saved you, why did he save you? And why is he so familiar?

A/N: Okay I know I haven't updated this series in a while BUT! I swear I will never just leave a series unfinished! I hate when I get invested in something and the writer doesn't finish! So updates might be slow but that's because I am putting a lot of thought into this. (Plus just slow writer, sorry!)

Word count: 3,523

Part 1

It tingles still….

Miguel rubs his hand on his neck where you had fixed his tie, hours later and he can still feel the tingling warmth your fingertips left behind. Even the slightest touch stirs him still, he thought he would be over this by now considering how often you two bump into each other and all your friendly gestures. Every time it's an electric shock through his system. -Annoying…

Layla says it’s from being touched-starved but he rather eat a pile of rocks before he admits that to himself…though…the sensation only happens when you are touching him. -of course. 

From the top of the building Miguel watches as you walk back to your apartment, you have been working late again… he told you to get home on time but of course, you don’t listen to him… it’s dangerous to be walking home alone at night, especially with the hopelessly addicted taking every opportunity to mug people for their fix. Hints why he’s here surveying the city, not you, why would he be watching you? He just happened to be in the area when he spotted you, nothing weird. 

Miguel watches as you walk without a care bobbin your head to whatever you're listening to. You shouldn't be walking around at night with earbuds in, how irresponsible…though that thought quickly dissolves into another as his stare lingers in you. 

Have you always looked this good? Your hair cascading perfectly down, shining bright eyes, and the way your hips are swaying so…tantalizingly. Miguel groans and turns away from you, shutting those thoughts down instantly. He can’t think that about you, he works with you, you're annoying and touchy, and if he had thoughts about you it could complicate things. 

Plus, besides all that being Spider-Man was filled with a lot of responsibility and then there was the multiverse and…everything that went with that….

No, this was best…being alone meant he could be focused, he couldn’t afford to slip up…to let anything distract him…

Shaking off the feelings Miguel’s eyes go back towards you. As he continues to watch you he sees that it’s no longer just you walking down the dark sidewalk but a hood-clad figure steadily approaching with their head down. Okay, Miguel knows from experience what’s about to happen, it’s textbook at this point. The guy is going to pull out a weapon and take your stuff. Miguel or well Spider-Man will make sure he doesn’t get far with your things. 

Right on cue, as the man is about to pass you he speeds up, grabbing your bag and pulling. Though this doesn’t go as expected…

Usually, the bag gets grabbed, the person screams for help and the burglar goes off running for him to web up and get the bag back. Instead, you hold onto your bag pulling back, the guy looks at you surprised and Miguel matches the expression.

Pulling the guy's face goes from surprised to irritated, “Let go of the bag!” 

You pull back, “You let go of the bag asshole!” 

“Don’t make me hurt you!” The man starts to go for something hidden in his waistband and Miguel knows that now he has to intervene. 

As the tug-of-war match continues it is interrupted by Miguel or Spider-Man jumping down and scaring the absolute shit out of the two of you. The guy gives one more tug before he relents, pushing the bag back at you and running away. Typically Miguel is just running and webbing up the attacker not giving the attack any attention, but this was you and despite his logical thinking he decides to stay by your side. Very atypical for Spider-Man. 

Turning to look at you he sees you on the ground looking up at him completely gobsmacked. Okay, you look surprised…maybe he should say something to ease the tension…

“Usually people just let go of the bag” -nice, meet her actions with judgment. 

Tilting your head at him you stand up, “Why would I have done that? I’m not going to let some creep try and take my stuff” 

He sighs, sliding his hand down his face and he feels his patience thinning. “What you did was reckless and you could get yourself hurt or worse killed.” 

Placing your hands on your hips you cock an eyebrow at him, funny you must have picked up the expression from him. “Aren't you the one who says we have to learn to protect ourselves?” 

Miguel can’t help but step forward meeting your combative attitude, clearly, you saw a video of the bus incident, “Yeah but that doesn’t mean act reckless and get yourself killed.” 

 “And to think, everyone thinks you don’t care about the city or the people,” you say with a giggle. -only you can meet this whole thing with some kind of humor, being friendly to a masked man whom the city hates. 

“People can believe what they want.” he turns away to end his conversation with you. 

“Well, I believe in you, Spider-Man.” 

This makes him stop in his tracks turning towards you once more

“What?”

“I bel-” he holds up his hand silencing you as he approaches you closer and closer. Why is this bothering him? 

“I heard you, why?” you're backing away from him, and he reads your face, you should be scared…but you're not…

“Well, I believe that someone who looks after the city like you can’t be a bad guy…” 

He's still approaching you, he’s intimidating you back into a wall successfully cornering you. “Maybe they are all right to hate and fear me…maybe you're wrong for seeing me as a hero…” 

Why is he doing this…

He has too…

He has to push you away…he has to keep you distant, everyone distant…

Miguel becomes lost in his thoughts, he knows he needs to distance himself, He wants you to be scared, to make you hate him…though he does want your friendship, but he can’t risk it. Not after everything that has happened. 

Then a rush of warmth spreads through him, and your soft hand is pressed to his shoulder…it's a comforting gesture like you're trying to console him. To reach out to him. Miguel's breath nearly stops; it feels like lightning rushing through him.  

“You're not perfect, but you're not as bad as you want everyone to believe.” 

He feels his eyes widen and he knows from the slight tilt of your head that his expression is being reflected through the mask. Miguel backs away no longer caging you between his arms. Shaking off the feeling he turns away from you, irritation blooming within his chest. Why do you always know how to rattle him…

“Just get home without getting yourself killed…” 

Shooting his red web he swings off away from you, lighting still lingering through him from your touch. 

----

Finally home…

With a groan you take off your shoes and put down your things, stripping away your work clothes as you make it through your apartment towards your bedroom. Today has been…interesting to say the least…

Getting dressed into your comfortable clothes you lay back in your bed staring blankly at the ceiling until you can’t suppress the urge any longer. Reaching aimlessly you grab your pad and search for the thing that has consumed your thoughts on your walk home. 

Spider-Man, 

Looking him up you see, what you expected, people complaining about him. News outlets saying that he is a menace and needs to be stopped. People talked about him sharing their experiences, the overwhelming consensus being: that people were not too fond of the grouchy spider. You however were more lenient in his behavior. 

Having to save a city can’t be easy, sure he could use some consulting with a good PR agent but he's trying his best to protect everyone. He came to your rescue tonight, he just seems like he’s tired. Irritated for sure but not evil.

As you're scrolling through the articles about him you stop on a picture of the masked vigilantly. Unblurred pictures were a rarity and this was one of the very few, considering you just had an encounter with him the picture does little to actually depict the stature of him. How intimidating he is, it's funny you hardly ever get intimidated, the only person who has intimidated you lately…

Your face scrunches and you look back at your tablet looking at the picture again then you quickly open up another screen typing with haste till both pictures are side by side. 

It's a picture of Miguel in his lab coat standing for a picture with the whole genetics department, a request made from the higher-ups for all the departments to do group photos. You remember how pissed Miguel was having to take the picture, a permanent frown on his face as the rest of the department smiles brightly, including you right next to Miguel. You had tried everything to get him to smile but nothing seemed to work. 

Looking at the picture you see how big Miguel is compared to everyone else. Tall and muscular just like a hero you know, and they both seemed to be rather…grumpy…

Closing the screens you shake your head at the crazy thought. Miguel O’Hara is not Spider-Man there's just no way! 

Laying in bed you stare upwards as your brain ticks with the possibilities. There could be crazier guesses but Miguel? Really? How could you even figure something like that out? Plus do you want to know? No, it’s too outlandish…

After a long night filled with dreams of Spider-man and Miguel you can’t help how you're starting to see even more similarities…

At work, you go through your usual duties, bring assignments to Miguel, and checking developments from projects you had sent off, the usual. Miguel of course was at work by the time you arrived, always so early stretching himself so thin for this place that you didn’t even think he truly liked it. Everyone had their views and thoughts on Alchemax but they typically didn’t challenge the higher-ups like Miguel did. Honestly, it's one of the first things that drew you to him, he wasn’t scared to call people on their bull no matter who it was. Though sometimes he is the throwing bullshit that you're quick to tease him about. 

That’s kinda heroic, isn’t it? Standing up to big corporations then they are being jerks? 

Turning your head you watch as Miguel reads through reports and wipes his hand over his face in irritation…huh, that’s another thing he did…

Instead of wondering what could be making him irritated like a good coworker you just rest your chin in hand and observe…looking for something. 

Taking his lab coat off he seems to be getting even more frustrated, leaning it over his chair as he starts frantically swiping at screens. Watching his back you see how his muscles seem to fight the shirt's material like it wants to rip at any moment. Placing his hands on his waist, you can’t help how your eyes follow his strong arms, to his narrow waist, then wandering to his ass…

A part of you is screaming to look away. This is a HR complaint waiting to happen, but as you tilt your head you look at his ass more carefully a thought crosses your mind. The flashing thought of Spider-man walking away from you and then swinging away. Sure, it might be creepy to have checked out the hero's butt, and to now be doing it to your co-worker…just the similarity is uncanny…Can you even recognize someone from their butt? 

Very discreetly you pull out your phone to look up pictures of Spider-man. You find one, from behind. As you look at the picture and then at Miguel you think that it is uncanny how similar they look from the back.

Miguel then turns to you suddenly catching your eyes being on him. You feel your cheeks warm and quickly put away your phone and start arranging your work.  

“We are going to have to stay late tonight,” he says in a grumble. 

Miguel seems tired…the bags under his eyes are more prevalent than normal. Honestly you don’t know if he could handle a late night of work, it looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Usually, you would give some kind of sassy response to the news, perhaps saying how he couldn’t even stay late because of how he looks, but today you decide to remain quiet; this might be a good opportunity for you to do some…investigating…

---- 

He’s got to get rest, he can feel his head bobbing as he stares at the different samples trying to urge his eyes to focus and his mind to wake up. Miguel is tired and he can feel his body becoming sluggish. It's been 72 hours without proper rest and it's starting to take its toll on him. He can't keep doing this but he has no other option. 

Miguel stands up stretching, his muscles stretch and pop and as he extends his hands up above his head. As he gets lost in the sublet moment of relaxation he hears your steps approaching carefully, almost like you're not trying to disturb him. -that's different from how you typically act. 

Opening his eyes he sees you waiting patiently with a smile, two hot cups of coffee in your hands.

“Tired?” you ask in a teasing-like manner as if the wrinkles and bags under his eyes were not a dead giveaway to his affliction.

“No” - lies…

Holding up one of the coffees towards him you smile gently. Of course, you thought to bring him coffee, you must have clocked how sluggish he's been moving today. With a careful lazy motion, Miguel takes the cup from your hand and gives you a nod, he can’t bring himself to do more considering how exhausted he is. 

Turning away from him Miguel's lazy gaze goes to your figure as you start to pittle away organizing his desk. Miguel feels his eyes rake all over his body in a cloudy haze, you look so…soft…so malleable, he could easily move you around, feeling the softness of your skin beneath his fingertips. Miguel quickly shakes away the delirious thoughts and instead starts drinking the piping hot coffee. 

As the coffee enters his mouth he suddenly no longer feels the waves of tiredness but the sharp hit of disgust. What did you make this with dirty dishwater? 

“I hope you like the coffee, they didn't have what I usually make, so I tried something different.” swinging back around you smile brightly towards him. Typically Miguel would have no problem spitting it out and giving his criticism, but he can't seem to bring himself to do it. All that he can think about when he sees you looking at him expectantly is how kind you are towards him. It brings him to give a tight-lipped smile along with a nod that has you beaming at your experimentation. 

Right as you turn around Miguel is spitting the foul liquid back in the cup unnoticed by you, he knew you were not good at making coffee but that crap was ridiculous!  

“So…I have a question for you Miguel…” you say casually.

Miguel places the foul drink down while he takes his seat back at his desk. Humming at your question, he’s half paying attention to you. He just needs to fix these reports and then he has to get back to society. As Miguel's mind races with thought he continues to feverishly type, until he hears the word ‘Spider-man’ slip from your lips and he pauses turning to face you. 

“W-what?” 

“I asked what you think of this Spider-man guy?” Miguel studies you, he feels his nerves on high alert…could you…no. You're smart but you couldn’t have figured that out. Maybe you're just wanting to talk about last night? He just needs to stay calm. 

“I don’t,” he responds flatly as he goes back to work.  

From the corner of his eye, he sees you plopping down to sit on his desk, looking up he sees that you're already looking down at him. It's kinda intimidating…your look is so intense…focused on him. Miguel can tell you want to say more, and a part of him wants you to. Then your classic sweet smile spreads to your lips.

“Did you hear he got punched by an old lady?” -uhhhgggg…biggest misunderstanding….

Miguel can no longer resist the temptation, “Why are you asking about him?” 

“Just curious I guess…” 

“Why?” 

He watches as you shrug “Just he’s interesting, a guy who seems to hate the city but then he’s always saving it. Makes you wonder.” 

Miguel can’t control the words that slip from him next “What do you wonder…” 

You look at him surprised before you answer very simply, “How he’s doing”

Miguel and you watch each other for a beat. Right as your mouth opens to say something else his watch starts blaring. -shit…

Getting up quickly he excuses himself, making some excuse but an important call he's been waiting on. Going out of the lab into the empty hallway he ducks into the nearest bathroom to pick up the transmission. Popping up he sees Peter, 

“Miguel, sorry to disturb you but there is a problem…we got a lizard anomaly in your area.” 

Miguel looks at him confused, “Wait? In my dimension?”

That hasn’t happened in a while…damn, now he has to go handle that. Typically he would send people to deal with it, but he doesn't want to deal with the aftermath of people seeing more spiders in the city. If anyone found out about the multi-spiders or the HQ or what he’s been doing it could lead to catastrophic events. 

Coming back to the lab you look at him confused, before you can ask what the call was about he’s cutting you off, “I have to go, go ahead and clean up and get out of here.”  

Furrowing your brows you get closer to him as he gathers his things, “Wait what? I thought staying late was your idea. Now you're just leaving? Is everything alright?”  

Why must you ask questions… “I am fine, I just have to get out of here, important date…” 

Miguel starts heading to the door typing on his watch and finding the anomaly coordinates when your voice calls out to him. 

“Where did you go yesterday?” 

Miguel stops in his tracks and looks over his shoulder back at you, he needs to go deal with the anomaly but your question is laced with seriousness. He sighs…

“Mind your own business, and clean up. Then get home.” 

With that he leaves, this just isn’t his night. 

----

What the hell? Of course, he runs off, it was his idea to stay here late then he runs off leaving you to have to wrap up everything, and what’s with his cold response? Sure you know it’s not your business, but what is he always doing? And a date? Does he mean a date date or something else? Why is he so infuriating!  

Going to his lab table, you grab the coffee he didn’t finish and start cleaning up his desk. What could be so important that he had to leave in such a rush? Why is he so irritated, and tired? As you shuffle together his reports you pause for a moment, what if…

No-

You quickly shake the thought of putting down the papers and going to the sink to pour the coffee down the sink. You're trying to just clean up and not let your imagination get the best of you but the same thought keeps flashing in your brain…Spider-man….Miguel…

Tapping your foot you look around at the lab, and Miguel's desk. You're playing back your interactions in your mind, how frantically he had to leave, how tired he seemed…

Taking out your phone you quickly type the news and see that there is a breaking news update…and just like you suspected there is, pressing the video you watch the alert. 

“Citizens in East Neava keep alert, the masked vigilante known as Spider-Man has been spotted in the area fighting an unidentifiable creature. The police report that Spider-man has been inquired and are now taking the opportunity to comb the area to find him, they suspect he can not get far due to his inquiries, and that they will finally bring this menace to justice.” 

While the news plays you watch a video of the fight, Spider-man is fighting some kind of reptilian creature. The footage is shaky and grainy but the last thing you see is the creature getting thrown and Spider-Man getting his side ripped into as he lets out a strained cry. Then the video cuts off. 

You stand there stiff, You're in the east city…Spider-man is hurt…and that cries…it…it can’t be true…

“Miguel…” 

Taking one last look at his desk, you're sprinting for your things, rushing out of the empty building. You're unsure, your mind is clouded with suspicion and confusion. You don’t know if they are the same…but if they are…he needs help…

taglist: @oharasfilipinawife @aisyakirmann @spdrwdw @huniedeux @rosegnome @straw-berry-ghoul @migueloharastruelove @skylertully @keiva1000

[crimson-kisses]

Oh my god, I need more yandere ludwig. Your work is amazing! Keep up the good work, but don't forget about yourself!!🖤 May I ask what would Germany's behavior be like if the reader were pregnant? Or if their daughter? (son?) already born? It seems to me that nothing will help the poor reader in this case, I see him twice as protective and controlling than he already is. And if we add the fact of the presence of the "Great Uncle Gilbert" ... Just good luck to the nerve cells and the psyche of the reader :')

(sorry for the mistakes, English is not my native language ><)

Omg thank you so much! I am so glad people have been loving my works, the characterization is kinda wobbly in my opinion but still. I really do appreciate the compliments! Your English is quite good doll, don’t worry ;3 love the ask though, the drama would surely be intense. 🐝✨

Warnings; anything traumatic related to pregnancy. non-con. proceed with caution.

🇩🇪

Innere Unruhe

It wasn't necessarily the first thought you had in mind, obviously. You remembered your stomach doing backflips as you wobbled around the kitchen, a rather common occurrence after Ludwig had been significantly rough with you while you were cooking dinner.

His hands pulled up your dress, his fingers tracing your skin as they teasingly played with the hem of your underwear. His other hand snaked across your waist, pressing your back against him as his lips gently kissed your neck. The scent of his cologne overwhelmed you, and you could feel the tension from his workplace leaving his body.

It wasn't the first time, but you still weren't accustomed to it. You wished you were. Sometimes when you wanted him, it was bearable, hopelessly addicting even.

Slowly his fingers begin playing with your silky folds. Never mind you cooking dinner, his hands now pulling at your dress, the apron, your hair messily falling over your back, not caring much about the food Ludwig turns the stove off and seems hell bent on making your thighs shiver from just his fingers.

As you gracefully collapse onto him, he gently lets you slide to the floor while casually starting to wash his hands. You assume dinner comes first, and then it's likely time for the bedroom, where he will carry you off to.

Throwing up half of your dinner was not in your plans though.

Honestly, all you felt was slight discomfort for the past few weeks and you had assumed that was your new normal considering the lifestyle you had with Ludwig. Both of you were active in the bedroom, and even though it was horrible to admit, your lover made damn sure you had reached your climax to the point of blacking out.

It was after when Ludwig had been cuddling with you, seemingly in a sleepy mood today when you might have started breathing heavily alerting the man behind you, it was disgusting and you might have cried out of frustration as gentle but strong hands carried you to the washroom and in a short time, freshly cleaned up, the moment your head landed on the pillow, you were out.

And then you began noticing the symptoms, a woman’s body is bound to act up in a complicated manner during stress, right? So the absence of your period? Must be the stress. The throbbing pain? Well, Ludwig could get very rough at times. Throwing up? Maybe your stomach wasn’t digesting food properly. Sore breasts? Again, rough sex. Excuses after excuses. And with what you were going through, this was simply accepted as your new normal.

Ludwig had begun to take care of you, making sure you were fed and hydrated well, stressing over your health which seemed to take a drastic turn all of a sudden. It was probably just a fever. Perhaps he had been too harsh on you? Nonetheless, he encouraged you to take rest and did everything in the home and looked after you. To you, he was being somewhat dramatic.

But again, you had a feeling in your gut that this was something more than a cold. A woman’s body had it’s magical ways of making such things known. In the form of pain.

Of course, you had lost your balance and went tumbling down the flight of stairs, vision blurry and a strong sense of nausea enveloping your body in its strong grip. You tried breathing heavily, trying to calm yourself down but it hurt. Hurt so bad. And Ludwig had gone to a meeting just a while ago.

“Oi Ludwig, are you— Holy Mother—",

Gilbert. Oh how you despised that man, but how did he get in?, the concerning thought flew out of the window as you felt cold hands land on your forehead, caressing your throbbing head, almost as if he was investigating a wounded animal. Which you supposed was a perfect description.

After that, all you remembered was being placed on a couch, and voices whispering in rapid German. Did he call his brother? Obviously. Maybe he had called him to take care of you since you were unable to so yourself. God, that felt pathetic, so so pathetic.

Ludwig stared at your distressed form with a grimace set on his lips, thank god his brother had arrived in time, but that didn’t necessarily explain what was going on with you. If anything, he was getting more and more concerned about your well being. He wasn’t going to take you to a hospital, the thought of that made him feel disgusted, he was not going to let them touch you.

Instead, he thought of calling for Emma first thing tomorrow. He had given her his workload for today, she might be able to help or advice just what was going on with you,

He had helped you reach the bedroom, letting you lay down and decided to leave you alone at the moment, maybe some good rest oughta make you feel better, and some time alone from him. Was he stressing you out? Was he the reason for this? Sighing in frustration, he felt so annoyed and upset at himself.

It was after a moment of silence when you opened your eyes, the house was dark with only a few lights on, alerting you until you remembered what had happened. Ugh, your belly hurt so much. Trying to lift yourself up, you tried to bear the ache on your waist, at least your vision was clear now with no sign of blacking out any time soon.

Slowly but steadily, you made your way to the washroom, easily pulling off your silky dress and tossing it on the floor. Your hands immediately rested on the floor lengthen mirror and that’s when you truly saw your reflection.

Messy hair, it had been brushed by Ludwig just before so it wasn’t a tangled mess but nonetheless still messy. Your skin was sickly pale with dark circles and dry as your lips, your body seemed to be growing chubbier these days, your breasts hurt and your—

Wait.

Narrowing your eyes, you slowly turned to the side, eyeing your stomach more carefully. Touching the flesh with tender fingertips as if something inside you was telling you to be gentle. As if something was there, your body seemed to be telling you that, your belly had gotten somewhat bigger and the area throbbed in pain at times.

For some reason, you couldn’t breathe.

Thankfully your legs found the toilet seat and you fell right on top of it. Breathing more heavily, you clutched your thighs and tried to clear down your thoughts.

It couldn’t be.

Nations could not get pregnant nor could they make anyone else pregnant. That was explained to you by your agency when you were ordered to spy on the personification of Germany. It was further confirmed by Ludwig. But again, he was a young nation himself, maybe there’s been a mistake. Maybe it was because he had forced you to consume a part of him and become a semi-immortal?

A raspy gasp escaped your throats as you hyper focused on breathing. Just breathe, just breathe.

You know what you had to do.

“Are you doing alright?”, Ludwig asked you as he pulled the blanket over him, his voice laced with genuine concern and a hint of guilt in his eyes. He didn’t bother to pull your body close to him this time.

“It’s fine really”, you lied, obviously. There was a slight tremble in your voice which made Ludwig furrow his brows a bit. Nonetheless, he gave a firm nod and opened his laptop and starting wearing his headphones.

After a while had passed, you slowly pulled yourself closer to him and curled your hands around his arm, nuzzling you cheek against his muscle and sighing tiredly. Stifling a smile of victory as you felt his movements stop.

You heard a sigh and felt his fingers touch your scalp, soothing your roots and soon enough his body was cuddling against yours.

“Feeling well?”, he asked in a whisper and you nodded slightly. Honestly you had done this before to get what you want and you weren’t exactly sure whether Ludwig already knew your intentions or he was just glad to have such soft romantic moments.

“It was just my period acting up”, you mumbled with a fake whimper following soon enough, voice feeble and quite. “I might need to order some supplies, please?”

Fluttering your eyelashes, you gave him a meek expression and you tried hard not to smile or have your heartbeat give away to your plans. You saw him contemplating until you saw a slight smile on the corner of his mouth. He must have been so tired, poor thing,

“Whatever you want”.

He continues watching his show as you scrolled through his phone, putting several items in the bucket list as well as some supplies which you would experiment with later, not that he would know. Ludwig was kind of a simp really.

Finalizing you order, you gave his phone back to him and continues to muzzle with his arm until you fell asleep.

The delivery came quickly enough, you had to contain yourself from showing growing dread and absolute tension in front of Ludwig the whole day, especially when you carried the delivered boxes towards your bedroom as Ludwig helped you and then left you alone to go to his office.

Quickly you grabbed onto a loose dress, some pregnancy tests, a pad and headed to the washroom. Your hands were shaking terribly but you had done it.

You stared at the floor in a newfound terror, as each and single one of the tests showed positive. Each single one. positive. The marks were all you could see as your heart plummeted. Pregnant.

You were with a child. A baby was growing in your stomach which was supposed to be impossible. And it honestly felt as if it was growing faster than a normal child would. Because you could literally feel your body changing at times. It could be, considering the fact this was a nation’s child. Germany’s child. If Ludwig came to know?

You had to escape. Fast.

Knock. Knock.

“Everything alright?”,

Shit. Your head whipped around to stare at the doorknob turning and quickly hid the supplies you brought to the washroom. The used tests were stashed in the pad’s packet and you put on a pad just for the act.

“Do you need help?”, his voice sounded worried and you internally cursed, oh you have helped a lot Ludwig. Fucking thanks.

“Coming! Just making sure it wouldn’t leak!”, you heard a slight cough and rolled your eyes at the man who was probably blushing on the other side of the door.

Seriously what did he expect you were doing? As much as he was sharp, he could be a dimwit. Stupid meathead. God, the anger towards him was growing day by day, especially at your predicament.

“Sorry, I was just concerned Schatz, take your time”.

This was bad. Ludwig was already so strung up about you even though you had tried so hard to show him that you were alright, you had to subdue his worries fast or else escaping with your child would be hard to do so. No wonder, your health would plummet sooner or later and your chances would plummet as well.

You knew he would be waiting just outside for you, so washing yourself properly, putting on a relaxed expression you decided to put on an act.

“Finally, everything good?”, Ludwig asked after an exasperated sigh, pissing you off slightly but you managed to subdue the anger. He grasped your hands and stared at your face, pulling your body closer to his as he took in your scent.

“Of course. My health’s gotten a lot better, you really don’t have to worry so much. I am doing well Ludwig, trust me?”,

There was hitch in his breath as you asked the last question, and in your too. Trust. It was about trust at the end wasn’t it?

You betrayed him the moment you stepped into Germany as a spy, his trust afterwards when you attacked with a gun, knife or a frying pan, trying to escape him over and over again. He couldn’t trust you that easily, that’s been few years ago and yet sometimes you can feel his eyes scrutinize you.

"I made dinner", was the only thing he replied with, holding your hand and leading you downstairs, uncertainty began to bubble up under your skin and it didn’t go away for the rest of the day.

Emma had said that nothing was wrong with you, only a fever which humans had once in a while which subdued Ludwig's and your worries, you supposed she wouldn’t even think of pregnancy being possible. Ludwig only ate in silence as the television played an action movie, your eyes following the scenes.

It was a new show which you saw Ludwig watching, sensing your interest he decided to connect it to the tv. At first, you avoided it like the plague but being bored enough, you decided to give it a try. Which was a common occurrence these days, whether it was something you liked or he liked, it ended up being shared or brought up quite frequently.

Strangely domestic. It unnerved you at times.

"I was thinking",

huh?

Your eyes met his, and you suddenly realized that he had been staring at you all along. You noticed him glance at your hands, causing you to quickly unclench them. Was your anxiety that apparent? Damn.

"I checked your bucket list", he did?

Narrowing his gaze, your heart skipped a beat as he gently held your hand. Which he had broken quite a few times while interrogating you. He took in a deep breath and placed a chaste kiss on your hand and eventually your cheek causing you to flinch, which he noticed keenly.

He stared at you with an empty expression for a while, while you did your best to avoid making eye contact. Your senses became more alert, and you could sense him gradually moving closer to you on the couch. He balanced his plate on his thigh while holding your hand, and his breath gently brushed against your neck as he rested his chin on your shoulder.

You attempted to control your breathing while hyper focusing on the movie. However, the weight on your shoulder provoked your resistance as his hand gradually encircled your back, pulling you closer to him.

"Ludwig, what are you doing?" you asked firmly, but it didn't seem to faze him at all, which only heightened your concerns. This was what worried you at times. While you could usually dissuade him easily, there were moments like this when he didn't play into your hands so easily. This was the man who had hunted you down and single-handedly defeated the rest of your team with his intelligence and strength alone.

"Emma pulled me aside after your test," he said slowly, causing your thighs to clench together. "She concluded me that all the symptoms you displayed were indicative of…" He trailed off and you attempted to push him away, but was forcefully pulled back towards him, his fingers digging into your waist.

He turned off the tv.

You tried to speak up but Ludwig shushed you as his palm was placed on your mouth, "I know you're not on your period," he whispered into your ear, causing your eyes to widen. Your chest rose and fell as you began to breathe heavily, and your thighs trembled as Ludwig nuzzled your neck, planting firm kisses.

He kissed you gently, yet possessively, his warm breath causing you to shiver as you struggled to contain your tangled emotions, trying not to struggle too much. Why did he start doing this all of a sudden? You believed you had finally caught him, but it appeared as though he willingly fell into your trap, as if it was his only opportunity to earn your affection.

"I don't know what your deal is, but don't keep playing the same game that you failed in repeatedly. I'm not begging you like I did last time," he whispered harshly.

"It’s a warning".

He let go of you, placing the plate harshly on the table and stood up. Hastily wiping his hands on a napkin, thinking quickly you clutched onto his thigh, "Ludwig— I was only worried I swear—“, you started, but he only clicked his teeth.

"And? You didn't even try to consult me?" He only gave you a glare, effectively ending the conversation as he left, leaving you in a state of meltdown on the couch.

"Forget it, you can’t get pregnant", he hissed sharply before storming out of the room. You wondered if he was disappointed by that fact or simply fed up with your constant schemes of escaping his grasps.

You had to escape tonight. Though could you even? It wouldn’t be the first time, but that was the issue. Ludwig was constantly on the lookout for any signs of disobedience from you, a man doesn’t suddenly lose his intelligence and brain after fucking a woman, for a while perhaps. But Ludwig despite being hopelessly in love, wasn’t going to play into your games again. Especially if he would end up finding out that you can be pregnant.

You take in a shaking breath, composing yourself and putting your act together as you head towards the bathroom. Throwing away your pad with a dissatisfied grumble, frustrated tears clinging to your lashes. You wipe them away hardly with your hands, exiting the washroom only to crash onto Ludwig, who catches you firmly, both of his hands on your waist.

“what’s wrong— shit—“, he wipes your tears and holds your face tenderly, you wondered if he thought that you were upset by what he said. He stared at you for a while before he hugged you, making you feel conflicted.

You didn’t think you could escape. This would be what? The nineteenth time? Or twenty-two? You didn’t quite remember, every time you were dragged back and punished, whether it was making you beg or cry, in the end Ludwig always made damn sure that you would be his. Even if sometimes you had disappeared for months at a time.

You had escaped to Southern Asia, Central Africa, South America and each time, he found you and brought you back. Nothing helped, your connections and underground friends were all gone and useless because Ludwig made sure that Gilbert disposed off them entirely.

All the drowsiness and sickness seemed to engulf at once as your knees gave out, Ludwig swiftly caught you by your waist, your legs wrapped around him as he layer you down on your bed. His eyes stared at you apprehensively as he towered over you.

You hunched up your dress, sniffling and gazing at the ceiling above. What were you attempting to plan, anyway? You were in a hopeless situation. How could you forget that you had been with Ludwig for years? Years of running away and getting caught again. Even if you managed to escape, you would still be searching and longing for someone to love you as deeply as him. This realization shattered you, made you angry, but ultimately… all you did was take a moment to catch your breath.

"I can’t—", you began but he silenced you, traces of the previous argument evident in his tensed muscles. His jaw was clenched tightly as he stared at your flushed form.

"Trust me?", Ludwig whispered softly, hunching over you as you looked at him with fresh tears falling off your eyes. Understanding what he meant as he traced your thighs, moving your dress to expose your skin, you hastily gripped his naked shoulders, broad frame overtaking your vision.

Soon enough, he began venting all his frustrations onto you. Your thighs were on his shoulders as he relentlessly thrust into you, biting your shoulder and breasts, planting harsh kisses on your skin. His hot breath and deep murmurs sent shivers down your spine, and loud, explicit moans escaped your lips as your eyes rolled back. It was a steaming delirious pleasure coiling around and drowning you.

Once again, the bed trembled from the intensity of Ludwig's thrusts, as he pounded into you with an animalistic force, leaving bruises on your thighs, waist, and back. It seemed like Ludwig was determined to make a point, although you couldn't quite understand what it was.

He fondled your breasts in a gentle manner when he was done filling you with his load over and over again, your body shook from the force it went through. Painful pleasure made you throb, both of your fluids, tears and sweat drenching your figure. Ludwig panted heavily, his muscles flexing in all its glory as you grasped his shoulders and moaned pathetically.

Giving a toothy kiss to your breast, he murmured hotly near your ear.

"You are going to be a great mother".

Your heart plummeted.

Ahem, so what happens now? (I was getting way off topic)

Ludwig would eventually find out about your pregnancy one way or another, whether by some indication or snooping around your damn business. And when he does, he is going to have a breakdown at first. Firstly, because such a thing should not be possible, but lo and behold. The power of a woman knows no boundaries.

However, he would also be ill-equipped to raise a child. Ludwig lacks emotional depth and has little experience with children , he would be uncertain about his ability to care for a child. after having a deep conversation with his family and friends, he would take it as his responsibility since he was the one who put that child into you. And in the end, that was his baby too.

After collecting himself, Ludwig would actually be quite elated. His wife was pregnant, and deep down, he had always fantasized about and desired to have a wife and a child whom he could care for, just as his siblings had cared for him. To have some sort of normalcy and an escape. Soon enough, after throughly researching and studying, he would feel confident enough in himself to shoulder on the responsibilities. Also with you beside him would make him feel more secure.

"Ludwig, it’s not that much of a big deal!", you yelped as Ludwig carried you upstairs, near your newly furnished bedroom where he placed a tv and everything else you might need. Last thing he wanted was for you to move around carelessly and needlessly, unless it was for exercise and hygiene. Gilbert trailed behind him with a grin on his face, apparently he was your especially appointed bodyguard with Emma and Lily as your maids. This was ridiculous.

He would be extremely protective, constantly hovering over you and ensuring your well-being. He would prioritize your comfort and relaxation, carefully managing your eating and sleeping schedule. He would exert control over every aspect of your life to ensure everything goes smoothly. He is afraid of losing you, and his overbearing nature might eventually lead Gilbert to intervene and set him straight. because he would be stressing you out too.

Gilbert would thwart any of your attempts and antics immediately. It was fun back in the days, but now with you being very vulnerable with his brother's child, he would be very firm and protective over you as well. Watching you like an eagle.

Ludwig already has the entire nursery planned and baby proofed, with your input here and there, including everything else a child needs. This man is brainstorming every possibility. He has everything prepared and protected. The medical team is one of the best in Germany, and you have top security from the government themselves after Ludwig requested so.

Considering the fact that your predicament is basically a miracle, it might bring about some curious nations and Ludwig is not going to let that slide. This man is just itching for someone to mess up.

I feel like he would want a boy. He’s not sexist ofc! it’s just that he would personally love to have a son to take care of and raise him properly with discipline that Gilbert inflicted on him but also the affection he needed too. Eventually, it wouldn’t matter. It’s just a preference if he was asked about it.

He wants four btw, two boys and two girls. Ludwig would be embarrassed to admit this, but you will definitely end up with four kids if he can’t help it. He can, he chooses not to.

Eventually, you have twins - a boy who is slightly older than the girl. Ludwig, upon holding their tiny bodies, almost dies. He may have cried, but in that moment, he couldn't care less.

As a Nation, Ludwig's genes would end up overtaking yours, meaning the children would mostly look him with some of your features. Ludwig ofc notices this and makes sure that you don’t end up having a breakdown because of him over the children.

He knows, you might end up having depression and stress, which is why he would be present at home often. Gilbert would also be visiting often with his darling, taking care of the children and ensuring that you don’t lose your mind and hurt the kids. I feel as if Ludwig would be okay with Lily and Emma visiting as well, his children need to socialize.

As they grow up faster, being the children of a nation, I believe that his son would resemble Ludwig right away, with his shiny blond hair, eyes a striking blue, the only in resemblance being your eye shape and eyebrows. Unfortunately, his possessive attitude towards you also starts to develop. Being the oldest son, he feels responsible for taking care of you, which leads to daily arguments between the two of you and Ludwig. He wouldn’t dare argue with his uncle tho.

The girl, on the other hand, sort of resembles you in personality. She has the same confidence as Gilbert and is passionate in everything she does. However, she also possesses an unwavering honesty. She is obsessed with gaining your and Ludwig's approval and desires for both of you to always be together. She is very affectionate and sweet, but also quite anxious, much like you. The only thing that resembles you are her eyes.

You could say that, Ludwig raises them to be equally responsible and have proper sense of duties. But he is softer on his girls, Gilbert is not tho, but he isn’t as harsh on them as he is with the boys. Which is probably why their yandere tendencies are much more apparent— in the end, you suppose it’s a cycle. Little did you know, your girls were taking after you— only that they were yandere too.

Ludwig would end up spoiling them, but at the same time he would be very strict. Mostly because his oldest son gives him very doubtful vibes, his daughter seems to rather dainty, his other son is a nervous wreck, his youngest daughter is a shy bean. But in the end, they aren’t really that innocent. And he knows. You hope they turn out normal though (they don’t.)

He would be enrolling them in the best educational institutions, they will be known as the rich cool kids in school, extremely smart and intelligent. With a confusing aura unnerving but also attracting many people, in the end they end up twisted as Ludwig, when their weight of immortality and power catches up to them.

They would also be very protective over you but you can easily deter them to have some sort of privacy and control. In the end, Ludwig expects them to respect and listen to their mother, and the kids wouldn’t cross any strict boundaries.

Also, Ludwig would be the one making sure you get a proper bath, his hands gentle and soft as he slowly cleans you, while also making sure you were comfortable. This man can’t keep his hands of your pregnant body, whether it’s for a massage or physical affection he can never get enough of.

He will also make sure to pleasure you, especially when your feeling particularly needy or cravings, he will be there between your legs, softly sucking any area he can find. He would especially be fondling your breasts and yes, he would develop a lactation kink. And a breeding kink, honestly this man is kinky af when it comes to his woman.

As much as he would be suffocating, he is also very gentle because he would so nervous that he might end up fucking this up like everything else in his life and he simply cannot have that. He can’t mess this up too.

Constantly asks his brother for advice on how to take care of the kids, and maybe his boss would end up babysitting them or something when he takes them to work lol. You will actually get a lot of help for taking care of the child. Especially if you would be easily tired and vulnerable, you won’t have to worry about a thing.

Although Ludwig would still be very protective with the kids, they would grow up quite quickly and stronger too, which will tone him down. But he would be strict with what they do and how they do it. He would still be possessive over you and paranoid that since his attention won’t be fully on you, you would try to leave him again. So he trusts the kids to take care of that. And they do so.

Things are alright, you could say, obviously not the kind of life you had in mind back in the days. With having strong immortal kids and a husband, but is what it is. Gilbert would tease the shit out of you and sometimes belittle if you act up too much. Ludwig wouldn’t suddenly loose his teeth when it comes down to your or his kids' disobedience.

Things are relatively tame, aside from few arguments, disagreements, tension brewing between nations. You would be rather stable as time goes on, Ludwig would be tamer as well if you behave and stop trying to stir shit up. It’s all good.

That is until….

The winter breeze rushes in as the front door is forcefully opened and then locked. You set your book down on the table next to your armchair as you stand up, the blanket wrapped around you falling carelessly to the ground. You don't care; your eyes are fixed on your eldest son.

"Leonard, what is this?" you cautiously ask him, your breath catching in your throat as you take in the scene. Your senses are overwhelmed by a strong smell of copper, quickly rendering you motionless.

It reminded of you when his twin came in, announcing her utterly obsessive devotion to her boyfriend, who avoided Ludwig's eyes at all cost.

However, she was relatively tame in comparison to this.

Your son, towering over you, almost his father’s height, stood with a manic grin on his face. His dark blond hair messy, eyes glinting with joy but his face— …… they were stained with blood. But that was nothing alarmingly shocking.

No.

It was the poor, shivering girl bundled up tightly in his arms, she was also covered in dark blood, which stained her face and clothes. Sniffling, she attempted to hide her face.

You saw Leonard's eyes roll and frown at her feeble attempt, he brought her closer to give a kiss on her forehead, not minding her flinching away as if it burned. His eyes, lighter than his father's, clashed with yours. A smug look comes on his face along with his familiar grin.

Is he taunting you? Challenging your authority? Or is it a warning?

You wonder if Ludwig knows, or ever wondered that his son committed a bloodbath—

"Fühlt sich vertraut an, Mutter?"

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Sugar and Spice : Chapter 12

Word Count : 1.7k

Warnings : swearing, alcohol, clubbing, cheating, possessiveness, stalking, mentions of divorce, mentions of manipulation

          He stares at the divorce papers on his desk, his name signed at the bottom. Then he thought about the girl sleeping upstairs unaware to his disappearing feelings. So hopelessly in love, so naïve to the fact that he’s slipping away and there’s nothing she can do. Hurting her was the last thing he wanted to do. Minho from a year ago couldn’t even fathom leaving his high school sweetheart. He was so sure she was his everything.

            One nasty fight later and he was signing up for the site Changbin showed him weeks before. He knew that getting a sugar baby wasn’t going to solve anything, it wouldn’t fix his marriage, but he never expected it would end it completely.

            He scrolled through the endless profiles, none of them piquing his interest. It calmed his heart, made him feel like he was right in thinking that Mi-sun was the one for him. He was ready to delete his profile, pretend he never created it in the first place, and apologize to his beautiful wife. But then he saw her. Standing in front of the mirror in all her glory, the most stunning woman he had ever seen. And he was messaging her before he could stop himself.

            She was just a sugar baby to him at first. Someone to turn to for attention when his marriage was at its worst. When him and Mi-sun were at each other’s throats, unable to speak without arguing. But soon he found himself turning to her even when things were good at home. Asking to see her when he should have been heading home to his wife. Because whenever he was with her, it was like Mi-sun didn’t exist.

            It was wrong, he knew that. But he couldn’t stop himself. She was a drug and he was an addict. Being with her was a need, something he craved every single day. Even when he was home with his wife. He could barely look at her, knowing that if she knew the truth, it would kill her. But after some time, he stopped caring. He couldn’t for the life of him place the moment he fell in love, but he knew that he did.

            And he’s messing it up by being too scared to tell his wife he didn’t love her anymore. He didn’t even need to mention Y/n or his ongoing affair. Falling out of love was reason enough for divorce, and he didn’t want to string her along any longer. He wanted to let her go, allow her to find someone that could love her the way he loves Y/n. The way he used to love her.

~

            She was thankful for Hyunjin. He always knew what she needed, knew how to get her out of her head before she spiralled too far into the deep end. He would run to her side no matter what, no questions asked. Hyunjin was her rock, her safe space, her soulmate.

            “Let’s forget about both of them and just enjoy tonight.” He said as he poured them another drink. She was still getting ready when he showed up, wanting to look hot enough to make Minho regret not leaving his wife, hot enough to make Cheol regret the words he said. “We’ll find you someone new if we have to. Someone better.” He handed her the drink he made, holding his out for her to cheers. She gave him a soft smile.

            “I don’t need someone new when I have you, Jinnie.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, telling her that he’s ready to run away and elope whenever she wants. “Don’t say things you don’t mean because I just might take you up on that.” They both shared a laugh before clinking their cups together and gulping their drinks down. “Let’s get out of here.”

~

            Hate was a strong word. He knew it the second he said it that he didn’t mean it. How could he hate her when he loved her so much? Joshua understood the feeling. The want to hate her but being unable to. As if she put them under a spell they just couldn’t break.

            No matter what she does, no matter the pain she puts him through, he just can’t bring himself to hate her. It was a curse and a blessing. A curse because he knows she doesn’t love him. She fell in love with someone else despite his best efforts. A curse because he tried to move on, tried to get back into the dating game, but he compared every potential date to her, and none of them measured up. A curse because he stayed loyal to a girl that wasn’t even his.

            But it was a blessing because she was so beautiful. So beautifully naïve. So easily manipulated. She tried to be heartless, tried to keep everyone at an arms length, but she was too trusting. Her heart was too big, she had too much love to give. She hurt him, but he knows she’d do everything she could to make it up to him.

            It was a blessing because he knew how to get into her head, make her doubt the things around her. Make her doubt everything but him. He was the only person who would never lie to her. He was open and honest with her, and he knows she knows that.

            It was a blessing because he knew exactly where she would go the second she doubted everything. He knew she’d run to Hyunjin and he’d run to her side and whisk her off to their favourite club. The same club Cheol introduced them to when they were together.

            It was a blessing because he knew she would be drunk before she even arrived. And drunk Y/n is clingy and affectionate. And he would be right there for her to cling onto. He would listen to her complain about whatever and whoever. He would wipe away her tears. And he would love her more than anyone else ever could.

            Right on time he saw Y/n stumble in with Hyunjin, a wide smile on her face as Hyunjin struggled to hold her up. Her eyes landed on him and her entire face lit up like a kid on Christmas. “Cheolie! You’re here!” She pulled herself out of Hyunjin’s grip and ran to him, wrapping herself around him. “I’m so happy to see you.”

            “Y/n, I should apologize for what I said. It was uncalled for.” She shook her head before he could continue the apology he practiced for an hour in the mirror.

            “Don’t apologize, Cheolie. You had every right to say what you did. I treated you horribly.” She pouted at him. And if Hyunjin wasn’t just feet away, he would have risked it all and kissed it away. He would kiss her a million times and tell her he loved her twice as much.

            “I don’t think Hyunjin feels the same way you do.” He chuckled, motioning towards her best friends glaring at him with a scowl on his face. It would be obvious to anyone that Hyunjin wasn’t fond of Seungcheol. He had his reasons, all stemming from the toxic sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship he had with Y/n.

            Hyunjin noticed all the things that Y/n didn’t. She was too naïve, too blind to notice all the red flags that should have sent her running in the opposite direction. She was too smitten with Cheol’s best friend to notice the possessive nature Cheol possessed.

            “Jinnie it’s okay. Cheol is a good guy, I promise.” Hyunjin wanted to argue that. He wanted to point out all the things that he used to do, but she seemed so happy wrapped around him. As if she wasn’t spiralling just minutes before. Her eyes were sparkling, her face glowing. The hurt Minho had given her completely washed away, and the reason was Cheol.

            “Let me buy you guys a drink, hmm? No ulterior motives. Just want to have a good night with some friends.” Cheol offered, and it was an offer Hyunjin couldn’t refuse. His scowl was quickly replaced with a smile as the three headed for the bar together.

~

            “Thanks for tonight hyung.” Hyunjin slurred slightly as held Y/n up outside Cheol’s car. She was smiling, giggling, and Hyunjin felt grateful that Seungcheol was there to bring her smile back when she felt like she was sinking. “She was a mess before we met up with you.”

            “I would do anything for her, Hyunjin. Even if all I’ll ever be is just a friend.” Hyunjin looked at the way Cheol looked at her, seeing all the love and care he held in his eyes. He saw the way she smiled at him, letting go of Hyunjin to wrap herself around Cheol once again.

            “I really have missed you, Cheolie.”

            “I missed you too, love. But you should go with Hyunjin and get some sleep, okay? I’ll text you tomorrow.” She pulled away from the hug slightly to meet his eyes.

            “Promise?”

            “Promise.” She smiled before pressing a quick kiss to his cheek and then stumbled back into Hyunjin’s arms. Seungmin was already opening the door before the two could make it up the stairs, Jeongin right behind him holding out his arms for Y/n. Hyunjin passed her to her sober roommates knowing they’d do better at getting her into bed than he would.

            “Hey hyung.” He called out for Cheol before he could get back in his car. “I don’t think you’ll ever be just a friend to her.” Cheol smiled, wished him a goodnight, and then drove away while Hyunjin stumbled into the house, deciding to crash on the couch instead of finding a way home.

            His words stuck with Seungcheol the entire way back home. Hyunjin was her best friend, he would know her better than anyone. So if he thinks Cheol still has a shot, then Cheol wouldn’t give up. Not when there’s still a game to play and a heart to be won.

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[imfinereallyy]

“You hurt me.”

“I know.”

Steve sighs, and he looks at Eddie in his doorway. So much has changed in five years. But Eddie seems the same. Just his hair is a bit longer, he’s got more tattoos, and he’s got scruff on his face that Steve knows when they saw each other last in 87’ would have driven him nuts.

Steve has always liked the idea of Eddie with a beard. It doesn’t matter now, though. “I think you should leave.”

“Steve, I—I just need a chance to explain.” Eddie moves side to side on his feet.

“Explain?” Steve scoffs, crossing his arms across his chest. “You had the chance to explain five years ago before you left. You had the chance to explain the weeks after with no phone calls to me to any of the kids. You had the chance to explain the year after when you talked to everyone but me, and I thought you just needed time. You had the chance a year ago before you cut everyone else off again.”

Eddie hangs his head in shame. “Stevie, please. I know I don’t deserve it. But I just want to talk.”

Steve’s resistance wavers slightly. He moves out of the doorway to let Eddie in. Eddie rushes inside, knowing Steve will change his mind at any moment. Steve shuts the door behind them. “I’m only letting you in because if Robin finds you in our doorway, she will kick your ass. And as much as you hurt me, I don’t actually want to see you in physical pain.”

Eddie smiles a bit, “Still the dynamic duo? You and Robbie? What’s stopping her from beating me up inside?”

“Our cat Sylvia might see. And she’s trying to shield her from as much violence as possible. Says one Sylvia has seen enough.”

“Oh please tell me she is out by now, because that is a giant gay flashing sign.” Eddie chuckles.

Steve can’t help but laugh a little, “Yes, she is. It would be hard if she weren’t, considering she’s dating Nancy. And Nancy is a lot of things, but subtle isn’t one of them. She shows her off any chance she gets.”

“Wow, Robs bagged Wheeler? Never saw that coming.” Eddie lets out a low whistle. “Must have been a blow to the ego for ya, Stevie. Your ex and your best friend.” He mock clutches his heart.

Steve lets out a big laugh this time, “Nah. I encouraged it. They’re my favorite people; they deserve to be happy.”

Eddie softens, “Yea, being a favorite person of Steve Harrington is a very special thing.”

Steve feels ice water in his veins, “What are you doing here Eddie?”

Eddie sighs, “What do you want to hear? Why I needed to come, or why I wanted to? Cause the truth is I needed to come to apologize to you. Give you the explanation you deserve. What I wanted, though, what I wanted is to tell you that I love—“

“Don’t.” Steve chokes.

“Right apologies first.”

“First? First?! Eddie. I don’t know what you could say to me right now that would make anything make sense. We had something good. It took us so long to get to that point. And it was great because we learned about each other and knew each other inside out. Our friendship blossomed into something more, and we were just getting started, and you left. I had thought I was done with love before I met you. But then you came along and made me feel seen and cared for, and then you got weird and distant so quickly, and you fucking left. And then I knew for sure I was done with love. Don’t think it was meant for me. Sure, that’s not on you, but you don’t get to—you don’t get to open old wounds because you feel the sudden desire to come around again.” Steve swallows tears.

Eddie’s face goes through hundreds of emotions. Anger. Shock. Grief. He doesn’t say anything for a minute. They stew in Steve’s words instead. Then finally, Eddie settles on. “I’m an addict.”

Steve, who has thought about a million ways this could go, has never thought of this. “What?” All the tension releases from his body. He just stares hopelessly at Eddie.

“I’m an addict. I'm sober now, I just reached a year, but yeah. I'm an addict. Never thought I would be. But after everything with Vecna and the painkillers they put me on…it got hard. Denied it for a while. Said to myself a little of everything here and there to forget wouldn’t hurt anyone. But then we were becoming something alongside, me spiraling deeper into addiction. And I—fuck this was easier to practice at the meetings.” Eddie runs his hands through his hair. “You didn’t do anything wrong. But I would have hurt you. More than me leaving did. And I couldn’t live with that. I could live with you hating me. It was selfish of me. I wasn’t ready to give up the drugs so I gave up you, and it’s not fair. Not fair that I did that to you, to anyone of you really, but especially you Steve. You just deserved someone who could love you all the time, love you fully. And I thought I did but I think I was using you a little to make myself feel better. That’s not to say I didn’t love you. I did, still do, always will. But we both deserved a better version than what we had.”

Steve feels tears on his cheeks, he isn’t sure what to say. “You didn’t get to make that decision for me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Steve chokes on a sob, “Dammit Eddie. It was my birthday.”

Something breaks inside them, and suddenly they are in each other's arms, weeping together. There is this fragile broken thing between them, a love that never went away. It is horrible and beautiful and needs so much work to be wonderful once more.

But it was nice to break together again.

“I know. I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough. I’ll make sure every day for the rest of my life that I make it up to you. In any way I can.”

“I don’t know how we can get back Eds. Don’t know if we should.”

“I’ll take you any way you’ll have me. Friend. Lover. A person you only call when you need a ride to the airport. Just let me try; it’s all I ask. I promised I wouldn’t go back to you until I knew I had put the work into myself first. You don’t owe me anything. I would understand if you kicked me out right now. But I need you to know that Steve, I love you anyway you’ll have me. And I have never stopped thinking about you.”

Steve lifted his head from Eddie’s chest. “I’d like to try to get to know you again. This you. See where it goes. But Eds, no matter what, no matter the version of you, I will always care. And I will always be your friend.”

Eddie kisses Steve’s forehead, “Thank you.”

It’s there where Steve and Eddie hug on the wooden apartment floor; they hear the door unlock. “Oh no, she’s home early.”

Eddie doesn’t get to respond because, suddenly, Robin is in the doorway. “Hey, dingus! I brought home an extra latte—“

She freezes at the sight of Eddie before rebooting with a dark look, “Steve, is your nail bat still under your bed?”

——

Wanted to try the whole break up thing, I have a lot of different break up/makeup ideas in my head. maybe pt. 2???? Kinda feels good to stop here. But if you think so I have more ideas for this.

[sunflowervoltwentyeight]

Happy 28th! Here’s my May 2023 fic rec! So many great fics, organized by word count. Enjoy!!!

Stranger Stars by shaylea (212k)

Five years ago, Africa offered a grieving Louis Tomlinson an escape from an England he couldn't tolerate. Now it's become home as he leads overland tours across the continent with his best friend and driver Zayn Malik. What's meant to be just another ordinary six-week trip from Cape Town to Nairobi turns into anything but, when future lawyer/current photographer and songwriter Harry Styles and his friends join Louis' latest set of passengers.

Own the Scars by crinkle-eyed-boo / @crinkle-eyed-boo (144k)

“But I don’t belong here,” Louis insists. “Why do you say that?” James asks. “These people are all drug addicts and alcoholics,” Louis shrugs. Something sparks in James’ eyes. “And you’re not?”

Louis has never felt like he was good enough: for his stepdad, for his life-long best friend, for the life he's supposed to want. After an accident that nearly costs him his life, Louis' parents send him to rehab where he’s forced to face his demons. On the long and difficult road to recovery, Louis must confront the truths he’s been avoiding about his future, his relationships, and his sense of self-worth. Because before he can love anyone else, he’s got to learn how to love himself first.

Run Away Home by hattalove / @hattalove (106k)

Louis stands, in the middle of a clearing with his hands in his pockets, and stares. This boy—God, this gorgeous, gorgeous boy. He seems so clumsy, confused at the best of times, but there’s a wisdom about him as he speaks, a maturity that belies his age.

Louis is hopelessly, wildly attracted to him.

or, louis is a successful jockey down on his luck, struggling to get his life back on track after an injury. harry has a horse, a house fit for a prince, and a broken heart.

it takes them a while to figure out that they need each other.

Love of My Life by likelarry / @likelarryfics (80k)

Harry is 36 and recently divorced after he's finally come to terms with his sexuality.

Louis is the 28 year old who helps him find his way and is everything Harry has ever dreamt of.

The one where Harry struggles to really accept who he is and Louis is there every step of the way.

And I’m Weeping Warm Honey and Milk (That You Stay Surrounding Me) by  fangirlflailings (78k)

Louis is a first-year medical student, still a little tender as he recovers from a personal trauma. Harry works, amongst other things, as a professional cuddler, though he comes with baggage of his own. They don’t mean it to, but the intimacy that blooms between them quietly changes them both.

Your Memory Over Me by shimmeringevil / @shimmeringevil (64k)

Three years have passed since Louis last saw him, but all it took was a few minutes in Harry’s presence for him to be relegated to the desperate twenty-one year old that was practically begging his boyfriend for an ounce of reassurance that he still cared about him.

Harry shouldn’t be here. He’s brought too many unresolved feelings with him, that Louis thought he’d never have to face.

It’s Harry’s apparent apathy that’s the most difficult to come to terms with. Anger, he could handle. Regret, he would welcome. But Harry’s amiability, and carefree demeanor can only be born from indifference.

He’s moved on. He doesn’t care. And that is something Louis doesn’t think he’ll ever be strong enough to face.

-

OR - The worst heartbreak of Louis’ life walks right back into it when his parents invite their family friends on an all-expenses-paid trip for their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Facing a past that he tried to bury long ago, Louis learns that some people have a way of sticking with you even when they’re gone.

You Taught Me How To Love (You Taught Me How To Stop) by devilinmybrain / @thedevilinmybrain (50k)

"I was always better at hand to hand than you," Harry growls, even as he leans his weight into the blade. It's small, sharp, has a handle of gold roses.

"I don't know about that." Louis moves his arm forward, makes the presence of the barrel of the gun fit snugly to Harry's hip. "I think we just play differently."

"You going to shoot me?" Harry asks, those wild eyes tracking over Louis' face. "Do it."

"I think I've put enough scars on you," Louis answers, means it about the stretch marks still lining the sides of Harry's stomach, but it lands a little too raw. There are other scars on Harry's body that Louis blames himself for, scars inside too.

[sanchezpoetry]

      My addictive tendencies and general issues are currently in full swing. But my relationship with alcohol specifically isn’t just the fact that I’m a drunk raised around addicts. It served various purposes before. It served as my anxiety medication, my painkiller, my anti-depressant, my coping mechanism and my celebratory/relaxation method, my sleeping aid, and even a method to make art (through writing. The majority of my Entire first book was written when I had a buzz)

       I refuse to take painkillers. Being so powerlifting and martial arts oriented, I tend to push my body A LOT. (Another symptom of my addictive tendencies) and I would/do often get various aches and pains as a result. But I refuse to take painkillers because there’s no doubt in my mind that I would probably end up as a hardcore junkie the way my ex was. There was a reason I was so hopelessly attracted to her. I’m a very anxious person, and alcohol helps with that A LOT. As it does with my depression. Same goes for anti-depressants and anxiety medication. I have severe sleeping issues, and at one time, alcohol was the way that I would force myself to sleep. As odd as it sounds, I don’t care much for eating, and my predisposition to enjoy drinking makes that even worse.

Sometimes I wonder how much of it is really my addictions manifesting, or if it’s just a really bad habit that gets catastrophic when coupled with my various other issues, that all become ever more exacerbated because I’ve been working nights. Various nurses and doctors have all told me that what I’m feeling is perfectly normal considering that I’m working in a way that contradicts human biology. Many others have stated that it isn’t really anything other than working nights for so long that’s fucking me up so much. And honestly, as much as I say I’m an alcoholic, I’m not nearly at the level my family was/is.

Getting back to the basics and my original plan when I was intended to temporarily switch to nights is essentially where I’m at now. A lot of things and mistakes happened from when I started to now. The biggest one being that this night bullshit is becoming permanent/long term.  I learned a lot about myself, health, and overall human biology. It’s taken almost a whole year of working nights, but I came up with a general rule list to make sure I stay on a healthy path.

-        No drinking/reading/eating before sleep.

-        No carbs (only lean meats, fruits, and vegetables)

-        No type of exercise any less than 8 hours before I intend to sleep (Exercise when you wake up)

-        No coffee any less than 8 hours before I intend to sleep.

-        No napping. (Suck it up, and force yourself to stay awake)

-        Prioritize sleep (7 to 9 hours tops)

-        Make sure to get sunlight as much as possible.

-        Rely on discipline and knowledge to build routines.

-        Medication serves as an AID, not as something to rely on.

   One of the most amusing things about everything I’m talking about is, I’m one of the most well-disciplined and hard working addicts you will ever meet. I’ve built up my levels of discipline, knowledge basis, reading, art making, and mental/physical strength to the highest and most scrutinous levels that they have ever been. And that includes when I was in the USMC, in college, and even a competitive high school athlete. So in the grand scheme of things at this point, I’m actually the best I’ve ever been. This season of my life has both heightened my strengths and exacerbated my flaws simultaneously. And it is extremely difficult to get an accurate reading on my self-analysis.

      The only real option is to increase my discipline, knowledge, and overall mentality. Move forward, improve myself, and let nothing, not even myself get in my way.

[onyxoverride]

Pussy addict zeke constantly needing to have his mouth on your pussy even tho you’re on a call with the general or warming his cock in your hole despite yall being at a gathering 😭

Like A Dog - Zeke Jaeger x Reader

◙warnings: Minors DNI 18+ only please or I’ll cry THANKS. More pussy-eating fiend Zeke, talking on the phone lowkey voyeurism, a lil degrading, mating press, dom Zeke who is a lil mean, a lil bit of objectification for flavor and dumbification, mentions of mating but not too breedy i think, one bite, one spit, some cunt slapping UUHH gets fluffy at the end

◙word count: 2.4k on accident

◙note: OO this is good. I wrote a whole thing and went to copy it to save it and accidentally hit paste. lost it all. I'm sure I looked ridiculous when I did that- red in the face and everything. I'll rewrite to the best of my abilities. Didn’t mean to write this much sorry anon ;u;

Also I’m imagining this phone, the old ones that connect to walls

“Fuck-” you card your fingers through his hair. His tongue is lapping across your cunt. Fingers digging into your thighs to keep you still and in place for him. You think this must have been a long day for him. The moment he came home from work he didn’t even let you get up to kiss him and give him a ‘welcome home.’ He pressed your hips into the couch and immediately started working on your cunt. “Zeke- I-” you can’t help but roll your hips into his mouth. You know this isn’t for you, this is for him, this is his stress-relief. 

He’s surely bruising your thighs at this point with the amount of force he’s exerting to keep you against the couch. You let out a sigh and let your head roll back onto the back of the couch. It’s useless to try to get him up from between your legs, plus it feels undeniably good. So you roll your shoulders back into the couch with no chance of escape with Zeke caging you in. 

“Seriously-” you are cut off with a moan, he knows all of your weak points and just how you tick and he’s taking advantage of it. Sucking your outer lips into his mouth noisily, it almost echoes out in the room, tonguing over your clit. He lets out a few rough groans of his own because of your grip on his hair. “Zeke- fuck-” he’s pushing his tongue into your hole that's been clenching around nothing this whole time. His beard is scratching at your sensitive inner thighs. 

“I have a call with the general soon!” He pauses to process your words. Really that's what makes him stop? But he just dives right back in without saying anything. You grasp at the back of the couch and your skirt that he so unceremoniously scrunched to the juncture of your hips. He doesn’t care. He really couldn’t care less because his first order of business is eating you out, he can care about other things later when your juices aren’t soaking his face. But the phone hanging on the wall interrupts and has you pulling at his hair hard and away from your cunt. You manage to wiggle your way out of his grasp and to the phone before it can ring for a fourth time. This is your job on the line, and you aren’t risking it for him and his stress relief. Granted working as the head of the communications department of the military wasn’t fun, occasionally Zeke would drop in and visit which made it a bit brighter for you even if he was a silent menace, slipping his hand up your skirt one too many times. 

“Good afternoon, General!” You can hear Zeke grumbling something from where you left him on the floor. You are harsh, he thinks as he rubs his head, usually, when you pull his hair it is hot but that hurt for real. The General utters a casual response as Zeke casually sits on the floor right in front of you, right under the phone, and plays with the cute socks donning your ankles. You send him a glare which he admits is scary but he is too caught up in the taste of your cunt lingering on his lips and the juices still on his face to care. Debauched is what he looks like, swollen red lips, glasses have long since been set somewhere, hair disheveled by your tugs and a lusty look settled in his eyes. He trails his hands from your ankles to your thighs, bunching up your skirt with it while you bat him away, so he retreats his hands to your knee for now. If you bend too low the rustles of your clothes will translate over the phone.

“Yes General, the department has been running smoothly as of late, though-” His hands are making their way up your legs again, gripping your thighs to pull you closer to his face. You pause for a second but continue talking to the General, you can’t stop him now because it would give away too much and you don’t want to have a conversation with the General like that right now. He situates a thigh over his shoulder as you balance on one leg, leaning some of your weight onto him so you don't fall. He’s grasping your hips in a vice again, bringing your slick cunt to his face, hiding underneath your skirt so you can’t see the smirk he’s wearing or what he is doing at all. All you can do is feel all his ministrations, his tongue circling your clit, your thighs tense and already trembling as he pulls you to be seated completely on his face. 

To be fair, you are doing quite well trying to keep your voice steady and on topic, you’re almost done with the conversation, trying to bring the General to a close about how the communications department is running and it would need to run better. But Zeke is ruthless and he is not trying to be quiet. He’s dipping his tongue into your cunt and you are tight, he should fuck you like this some time with your leg up and against the wall, it has all your muscles tensing, all of them. It would feel like a vice around his cock. And having you talking to someone else while they are unknowing of you sitting on his face like this? Hot. 

You have one hand bracing yourself against the wall while the other holds the phone, god if the General would just stop rambling for once. “Doing this on the phone with the general? Naughty.” You slap the top of his head to make him shut up. At least he is a bit muffled by your skirt. You can hear the general pause as you hold your breath, “Is something the matter, Ms. Head of Communications?” Of course, he doesn't care for your name. He must not realize that Zeke is under your skirt doing raunchy things to your cunt with his tongue. 

“Sorry General,” you look down at Zeke sitting on the floor between your legs, “just my dog is bothering me.” You can already hear Zeke complaining but instead he nibbles your outer lips as revenge for now. “Oh, you have a dog? I didn’t know that.” Zeke shoves his tongue fully in your clenching hole, it has your whole body hot and it feels like it could be steaming, you suck in a quick breath. 

“Well, I just got him, so he has to be trained. He’s being bad right now.” Trying to balance on one leg while the other presses against him is harder than you think, you are so close to falling. 

“Oh I know how that is,” the General lets out a laugh, “I’ll let you go then, it seems we covered everything.” You say your goodbyes before finally letting out a moan, you were this close to cumming on the phone with the general. “Bastard-” he is, especially with his dastardly tongue bringing you to a climax, your inner walls tense and trembling around nothing. His tongue massages over your clit one last time before you cream on his face which he slurps up in stride, not hesitating to let it all fall on his tongue as you grasp his hair through your skirt. 

Finally, Zeke comes up from under your skirt, looking even more lewd than before. “Dog?” he asks incredulously, he sounds offended which you bask in. 

“Yes. A dog. In it for nothing but your own needs, hopelessly in love with me, and horny as hell all the time.” He gives you an exasperated look like ‘seriously? I just made you cum and this is what I get?’ but his expression changes all too quick, it has your heart pounding. He stands up suddenly, surprising you a bit, shuffling backwards on trembling legs. Oh no, he’s looking at you with a predator's eyes, darkened and heady with lust. “Then I’ll do as dogs do,” he’s stalking towards you but you can’t walk quite right because of the earlier strain and end up falling gracelessly to the floor as Zeke crawls over top you. “I’ll mate.” You would have made fun of him for saying that but he’s got you trapped underneath him, arms caging you in and it’s not like you could squirm away. He’s flipping up your skirt again but this time it’s to rut the bulge of his cock through his pants against your slick cunt, wetting his whole crotch area as you gasp. He’s nuzzling his chin to your neck to kiss and lick at your nape before biting down, hard. You yelp and try to bring your hands up to pull at his hair in revenge but he catches them and pushes them against the ground. This is his way of marking you as his. 

“What did you say? Something about training me?” He’s grinding harsh against you, leaving you in whimpers underneath him. “I just gave you a wonderful orgasm just with my tongue, I think I’m plenty trained.” You must have hit a nerve because he’s spitting the word at you like it’s disgusting. “In fact, I think I deserve a reward.” His voice is sweet, slicked with mockery as he unbuckles his pants just to pull his cock out. You don’t say anything, just give him a pitiful pouty look, you’ll tell him if he is stepping too far. 

So he slaps his cock that's leaking pre on your clit, making your legs try to close, but he is quick with it, and pushes your leg out of the way to keep his torture up. The oral orgasm was satisfying but it still leaves you wanting more, “Please,” your little whimper has him looking up with a devious smirk. He stops tapping his cock against your cunt to grasp at your cheeks. His cock still resting against your cunt as he leans over your face. 

“Louder.”

You are embarrassed, heated down to your toes but you know he can keep up this type of torture until he gets what he wants. “Please, Zeke,” you squeeze through his grips on your cheeks, and that seems to satisfy him. He’s been hard in his pants since he got down on his knees to eat you out, he is still a slave to his own desires despite his strong will. 

He pushes your knees to your chest which has your lungs constricting pushing out all the air that was in them. Zeke inspects your cunt with a sadistic smile, spread open and wet, just for him, leaking down to your ass because of him. His ego stroked, he pushes into your tight ring, leaving a raspy groan hanging in the air. Fuck, you’re tight, as you moan. He’ll ignore your pleasure this time too, since you were so mean to him. You know what this is, this vulnerable position he’s put you in, jackhammering into you like a dog in heat, bruising your thighs with his calloused grip. It’s revenge. For interrupting his stress relief, for ruining his fun, for teasing him while on the phone. He lets you grasp at the loose overcoat he never bothered to take off, it only pulls you closer to him but at least you have something to hold onto. 

You can’t even moan his name out properly with how fast he’s fucking into you. Broken off whimpers turn to uncontrolled moans as he keeps your knees firm against your chest. “Hold your legs.” It’s not a question, it’s a demand that you can’t even process. “Are you stupid? All of a sudden you’re just a dumb whore for cock? I said, hold your legs.” He enunciates with a firm push against the back of your knees to jostle you. So you dig your nails into the back of your knees and keep them in a firm hold as he digs his hands into the meat of your hips as best as he can with your thighs in the way. 

It only gives him the best opportunity to use you like a cocksleeve, a little fucktoy and he makes that know through the filth he’s spitting out of his mouth. Your cunt is tight around him, the soft plush ridges inside are ruthless stimulation against his dick. He can feel you get closer and closer to orgasming, your hole clenching sporadically as he keeps thrusting deep into you, your eyes rolling back and a little bit of drool sliding down your chin as your mouth stays open with moans. He loves seeing you hopelessly depraved for him, losing all your senses as he drills into you. 

He lets spit gather in his mouth to spit down onto yours, dirty, quick, and mean, punctuated with his words “That’s what you get for letting a dog like me-” he serves a particularly hard thrust into your walls, hitting a particular patch of softness that has you moaning loud “-fuck you.” You swallow his spit brainlessly, he hits that soft patch one more time and you are gone, the overwhelming wave of an orgasm crashing down on you while he continues to use your clenching cunt to get off. You keep your knees obediently to your chest as he continues to use you, extending your orgasm through until he reaches his, pushing his cock as deep as it can go before filling your insides with his seed. 

He’s panting just as hard as you, breathing not quite catching up to him yet before he leans completely over you, elbows to each side of your face. He is savoring the foggy look in your eyes before leaving a quick kiss to your slick lips. He wiggles his hands against yours that are still holding your thighs until they let go, thighs framing his body as he leans over you, still filling you to the brim with cock and cum. He takes your hands together and kisses your knuckles as you give him a dumb giggle, exasperated. 

“You’re at least right about two things,” you quirk your brow at him, voice to hoarse to respond, “I am ‘hopelessly in love with you,” he kisses you knuckles one more time “and how did you put it? ‘Horny as hell all the time.’” You roll your eyes as you become painfully aware that you are on a wooden floor and your back is starting to hurt. If he wants to cock warm this isn’t the place to do it. 

But still you don’t feel like using your voice, so you kiss the tops of his cheeks and his forehead as you bring him down closer, to hold him and let him hold you. His weight over you is comforting, soft words contradicting what he said during the heat of the moment.

A moment of comfortable silence passes before you finally say something, rasping out of your throat but loud enough for him to hear with his head snug in your neck. “You still act like a dog.” 

He lets out an exasperated sigh until he leans back after leaving a nip at your shoulder that has you squeaking. “Then I’ll just fuck you brainless until you don’t even know what the word ‘dog’ means.” 

You give him a shy smile, and hope that is a promise. 

𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔨 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔦𝔫𝔤, 𝔩𝔦𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔤, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔯𝔢𝔟𝔩𝔬𝔤𝔤𝔦𝔫𝔤 <3

//: 𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

[parkersroses]

clandestine meetings. | harry styles.

summary: an illicit affair looked simple at first, until Harry falls hopelessly and truly in love.

pairing: harry styles x fem!reader

wc: 3.6k

warning(s): cheating, mild sexual content, slight angst, fluff, (tw) mentions of an emotional abusive relationship

a/n: (disclaimer: gif belongs to @itskaylamew) it’s here! so excited for y’all to read this. it’s something i’ve been wanting to write about but it’s been sitting in my wip for months. i hope you all like it as much as i do. reblog, comment, tell me what you think of it! if you wanna support me more, consider buying me a coffee! enjoy and take care lovies <3

resources! 2 3

She plays around with the box of cigarettes in her hand. She sighs as she leans her head back on the pastel pink coloured wall of the building. Her black boots are anxiously tapping on the ground.

Moments pass by when a dark blue Mercedes-Benz drives up. They were lucky the shopping mall they agreed to meet was big enough, so nobody could see them behind the building, empty, where no one really goes. It didn’t have a lot of stores to start with and the lack of customers that came in makes the place all too quiet.

The soft engine turns off before the man comes out of his driver’s seat. His expression is blank, but it’s almost like she could already read what he’s thinking. The sounds of his expensive boots on the gravelled ground can be heard so clearly from afar; she’s thankful there’s no one where they’re at.

When he slowly stops in front of her, there’s a hint of a smile on his face. “When you said you wanna meet, didn’t think this would be the place,” Harry says.

Y/N scoffs a bit, a tiny smirk on her face. “You’re late, superstar.”

“Yeah, I got held back a bit for something.”

“Yeah, something to do with music or something?” She doesn’t look at him, instead she plays with her box of cigarettes, pulling one out of the box.

Harry looks at this and frowns. “Thought you were gonna quit.” He points out.

Y/N shrugs and puts the cigarette between her lips. “Got anxious and you were taking too long.”

Her rouge coloured lipstick taints the tip between her lips. Harry’s eyes are locked onto them and he really wants to kiss them. Feel how soft they are on his lips and let the colour of her lipstick taint his whole body, leaving her mark on his. And Y/N smirks when she sees this.

He steps in front of her and takes the cigarette from her lips, tossing it into the trash can next to them. “Don’t like the taste of it when I kiss you.”

Her smirk grows as she takes out another cigarette. “Oh yeah? What’re you gonna do about it?”

Before she could place the stick between her lips again, he grabs it and the whole box, tossing it all into the trash can. Her pink lips pout at him.

“That’s not nice. I just bought them.”

“Shut up.” He says before bringing her face in and kissing her. She’s quick enough to kiss him back, letting out a whimper when their lips move together.

He leans forward on her body, basically trapping her against the wall as she has her hands around his neck. The taste of her lips is sweet and they feel soft on him. There’s no doubt that her lipstick would be smudged after. They’re so addicting. She’s addicting. He’ll never get tired of the way she tasted. He wants to be the only person who gets to taste her, feel her.

He’s so, truly and madly, infatuated with her.

“How secluded is this place again?” He asks as his lips leave hers. His hand on her face, cupping her warm cheek.

Their lips brush against each other, sending tiny shockwaves throughout their bodies. “Secluded and quiet enough for you to fuck me out here,” she breathes out. Her lips travel to his sharp jaw and up to his ear. “Hard,” her whispers are sultry as they ring in his ear.

He groans as he squeezes her hips with his large hands. She gasps at the feeling, making her slip his tongue into her mouth.

“You’re a fucking tease, aren’t ya?” He mumbles against her lips. She moans out in pleasure. “What would your asshole boyfriend say? Knowing how much of a tease you are for me and only me?”

Y/N lets out a small whimper. “Don’t talk about him, please.”

Harry pulls away from her. His lips are red and swollen, stained with her lipstick, as he stares wildly at her. His eyes are filled with concern. Her fingers linger on his lips, feeling the softness of them under her touch. She adores this look of him, all flushed out for her and even slightest worry he has for her makes her heart race.

She shakes her head before staring up into his forest green eyes she has grown to love. “Just don’t talk about him now.”

Harry simply nods as he softly kisses her fingers, eyes closed as he leans his forehead on hers. “Okay, darling.”

And it’s almost the same routine between them. She calls for him and he’ll drop everything just to get to her. They’d find some place quiet, some place where it’d only be the two of them. And once the high ends, they’ll move on their separate ways until she calls for him again.

Come to think of it, he very much enjoys the quietness and alone time between them. Their sort of arrangement makes him relieve the stresses and pressures of fame.

But her reason was entirely different.

Her excuse was to have an escape from the man who she thought would be the one, but hasn’t shown her any form of love anymore for the past few months.

Anyone could say she should leave him, but it wasn’t that simple. Because everytime she wants to leave, there’s always an excuse that comes to mind. That she won’t ever find someone who’ll love her and stay with her like he has even though his feelings for her may be long gone.

After stupid excuses and aimless arguments, the neglect she received made her leave the house one night to drink out her sorrows, fears, and sadness. That’s where she met Harry.

She was probably two or three drinks in when the acclaimed actor and singer sat on a bar stool beside her. He had seen her walk in with a sulky expression in a dress that hugged her figure perfectly. When she would drink from her glass, he would study her face and notice how she’d have her head down, eyes burning holes onto the counter. She was beautiful, but unhappy.

She intrigued Harry to say the least. He wanted to know her. So, he walked over to her, in hopes that he’ll somewhat get to know this unknown mysterious woman that has caught his eye.

He didn’t want to frighten her. She was already close to falling off her chair by how many drinks she had. And in a good old fashioned Harry way, he said one of the cheesiest lines he could say to someone.

“So, what’s a pretty woman like you doing in a place like this?”

While Harry was internally cringing and slapping himself for that line, the pretty woman drunkenly laughed at him. She had one of the most beautiful smiles he’d seen.

Her eyes were hazy as she looked at him, with such amusement and interest. “You tell me, pretty boy,” she teased, her red lips curled up into a smirk.

He chuckled in relief. “I noticed you earlier.” He told her, and her expression faltered a bit. “Seemed pretty sad to be here.” He gives her a tiny smile, as if in hopes to warm up to her.

And she sighed as she looked down at her glass. “Well, when your shit boyfriend practically ignores you, you sort of get tired of fighting.” She downed the remains of her alcoholic drink. “So here I am, pretty boy.” She said, feigning a smile. And Harry starts to like the pet name she’s given him.

Most of the night was a blur for the both of them. When Harry continued to ask her questions, all while treating them both to more drinks, making them more drunk by the minute, it didn’t take long for the lust and sensual feelings to take over.

Harry’s mind was clouded by the pretty woman with the shit boyfriend as she climbed all over him in the back seat of the taxi he called. He took her over and over at any spot of his luxurious home when she asked for more. Their skin was tainted by each other’s touch as they indulged in sinful yet pleasurable acts together.

Despite the night being over, both of them grew an attachment to each other. He was infatuated with her, while she needed love and attention from someone who was willing to give it to her.

Hence, that night sparked a secret arrangement for just the two of them to know.

Harry had been in many relationships before. Some were public, some were private. Some were real whilst others were merely for publicity. But never had he thought he would find himself as the other man for the woman he was slowly falling in love with.

Some nights when she sleeps next to him, he’d stay awake and admire the little details on her face, before she would leave him alone on his bed, with the empty warm space next to him. The look in his green orbs could not be mistaken for any other feeling he had.

Three months in their little relationship, he was, without a doubt in his soul, in love with her.

And maybe it’s because of fear or the little bit of loyalty she had in her heart, she still stayed with her boyfriend while Harry stood on the sidelines.

But Harry would wait for her forever. When she needs his love and attention, he’ll give her every bit of it because she deserves it. And even if he dies a little when she leaves him after, he’ll die over and over again if it means he’ll see her again.

Harry thinks he’s so pathetic, but he’s pathetically in love with her.

—

He usually brings her to one of his houses, one where it’s in a more secluded part of town. He always takes the road less travelled by and uses his lesser used cars where no one would notice it’s him. He’ll have her perfume set on his bathroom counter so she wouldn’t smell like him when she leaves. But her scent would fill his room and it’ll make him miss her when she leaves.

He watches her breathe after a few rounds together, taking her in before she leaves again. He tries not to leave any of his marks on her despite the growing desire to do so. Her disheveled hair from the sex is sprawled out on his pillow. Her chest, covered by the blanket he put over her, moves up and down slowly with every breath she takes.

Harry leans in and plants a loving kiss on her forehead, closing his eyes as he does so. He hears a small whimper from her before feeling her naked body shift closer to him. He instantly gets the indirect message and pulls her closer with his tattooed muscular arm.

“You okay?” He whispers out.

He feels her head against his chest, nodding slightly. “Perfect.” She mumbles out, her finger blindly tracing over his skin and brushing over her marks on him.

A small sense of pride feels Harry’s entire body. He would gladly let his body be the canvas to her sensual and sinful art she does on him.

He sighs against the top of her head. “What’re y’thinking about, love?”

Y/N smiles against his chest, knowing he felt her do so. “Nothing in particular,” she says. “You. Me.” She lifts her head up to look at the beautiful man above her.

“Us,” she grins sheepishly at him.

His pink, swollen lips from the kissing and biting curls up into a smirk. “Thinking of me, darlin’?”

She shies away and buries her head in his warm chest again. “M’always thinking of you,” she tells him, kissing the spot between his swallow tattoos.

Harry feels warmth and pain at once from her words. “M’always thinking of you, too.” He kisses her head again, breathing in the scent of her. “M’always dreamin’ of you, of us. Pretending and wishing you’re mine every night. Y’always in my head, my dreams, and y’ve taken up every space of my heart, darlin’.”

Y/N feels her heart racing as she listens to his words. “I am yours, H,” Her smooth velvety voice fills his ears.

He closes his eyes and sighs. “Only for a moment, you are.” He says, running a hand over her hair. He thinks it’s unfair for him to admit this to her. But his heart could only handle so much, knowing the love of his life would leave him for the man whose place he desperately wants to be in.

She grabs his hand and intertwines their fingers together, holding his hand close to where her heart is. “I’ve always been yours.” She looks into his green eyes and kisses his knuckles, hearing his breath hitched.

He lets out a shaky breath. “You’ve stolen every bit of my heart, love. I just wish you knew how much I..,” he hesitates, pursing his lips. “How much I love you.”

Her eyes appear to be shining at his words of affirmation. “Do you?” She asks him. “Do you really love me?”

Harry nods without hesitation, pushing down the slight pain he felt in his chest. “I’ve shamelessly and truly fallen in love with you, darlin’. You have every bit of me in your hands that I don’t want back.”

She doesn’t say anything, not even the three little words he wished he could hear from her. But, that’s okay. Harry said what he said, and he doesn’t expect much in return.

She breaks eye contact with him. She fiddles with his fingers before tucking her face in his chest. He feels her breath hitting his skin.

“Just hold me now, H.” That’s all she asks of him.

Harry adjusts the thick blanket that covers their naked bodies and wraps his arms around her. Their legs are intertwined with one another under the sheets. He lightly traces down her bare back, feeling the warmth of her skin against his touch.

He feels a growing lump in his throat that he tries to push down. He closes his eyes and quietly sighs, his breath shaking.

As if she senses this, she kisses his chest and holds his hand over where her heart is. He feels the thumping of her heartbeat against his skin and he pretends it’s beating for him. Because he knows all too well that his heart has long been beating for her.

As he feels sleep slowly taking over him, he pays attention to her heartbeat. When he wakes up, she’ll be gone, back to the man who won’t love her right, and he’ll be left with her warm empty space.

But for now, he holds her close as sleep blankets them.

—

Harry doesn’t see or hear her for a few weeks. Usually when that happens, he assumes the worst, that she’s called their arrangement off. And it terrifies him to say the least if she did.

This time, he doesn’t. He starts to accept that she’ll never love him the way he loves her, and that this was bound to end like any illicit affair would.

But that’s okay. The only thing he starts doing is wish and hope that she’ll find somebody that will love her the same way he does, if not more.

After a long day, he drives his car up the driveway as the sky slowly turns from gold to dark blue. As he gets out of it, he stretches and sighs to himself. His tired mind is telling him to take a nice warm shower and have some wine while watching a romcom.

He walks up to his door with his head down. And when he looks up, it surprises him when he sees a familiar figure on the steps of his stairs.

There she was. The love of his life, the keeper of his heart.

Y/N stands up from where she sits, nervously fiddling with her fingers. Harry is shocked to see her and stands still like a deer at headlights.

His eyes travel all over her and almost misses the bags she had next to her. And that could tell him only one thing. His heart starts to race and he feels the tears welling up in his eyes.

In a blur, she walks down to him and paces up until she’s running towards him. All Harry could even do was to open his arms and let his love run into him. As their bodies collide, they hold each other tightly.

Y/N buries her head in the crook of his neck, feeling the tears she had run down her face. She feels his body shaking against her as he sobs and she comforts him when she does. There’s this familiarity that runs through them when they hold each other close.

“You’re really here?” The disbelief tone in his question can be recognized.

She nods as her fingers find their way into his brown curls. Her comforting touch as she lightly brushes through them makes him let out a shaky sigh.

“I’m here.” She assures him.

The pair pull away, but not too much to prevent space between them. She cups his face and he leans into her hand, sighing as he kisses her palm. A watery grin spreads across his face as he takes in her touch, a tear falls on it. It’s like he’s been waiting to feel this again, feel her again.

She breathes out heavily as she looks at him so lovingly. “I love you,” she finally confesses. And it takes Harry a couple of seconds to register what she said.

“W-What did ya say?” He stumbles his words out. She giggles at him and wipes away the water stream on his face. He has a doe eye look, as if he’s captivated by her.

“I said,” she begins again. “I love you, Harry,” she says the words of affirmation again. Leaning into him as she still speaks. “Honestly.” She kisses the tip of his nose. “Madly.” She kisses his damp cheek. “Always love you.”

She presses her lips onto his and it’s no surprise how quick Harry responded to the kiss. Their lips move together in unison. As his hands travel south and squeeze her hips, she gasps into the kiss and he takes the opportunity to slide his tongue in. A moan is elicited from his lover as her hands lightly tug on his curls, making him groan. She bursts into laughter when Harry lifts her body off the ground, spinning her around as his lips travel down the nape of her lovely neck.

The words ‘I love you’ alongside colourful dirty words are exchanged numerous times when he thrusts himself into her later that night on his king bed. Both his hands holding hers tightly above her head. She lets him mark her body wherever he pleases. Her pants, begs and moans are simply music to his ears. When they both feel the burning knot in them as they approach their highs, he begs her to have her eyes on him. So he could see the love in her eyes for him and she could see the same from him. Tears forming in their eyes as their pleasure washes over them.

He admires and takes in how beautiful she looked underneath him, sweat on her body, mouth agape, eyes on him. She looked effortlessly beautiful, she’s always been. And he’s madly captivated and in love with her.

When they both lay in bed, sweaty and naked from the pleasurable activities they’ve done countless times together, Harry gets a sense of deja vu.

He’s watching her again, admiring her tired form as she rests. He watches the movement of her eyes under her lids as his fingers gently trace over her skin, smiling to himself as he feels goosebumps rise.

It’s the same aftermath as before. The only difference now is that she left her boyfriend after realising she will not take anymore of his bullshit arguments and sneer comments with her. It was Harry that had been loving her, with the mistakes she’s made and flaws she had. It was with Harry where she felt the happiest.

A smile forms on her face and she opens her eyes. She sighs into the pillow as she feels his longing stares at her. Her eyes carry sleep, letting him know that she’ll drift off to Dreamland soon.

He smiles at her and plants a loving kiss on her forehead. He lets his lips linger on her skin before pulling away. “Will you be here when I wake up?” He asks.

And he thinks it’s a silly question to ask. But he’s assured when she nods at him. “Always, H.”

He hums in satisfaction at her answer. She intertwines her fingers with his, pulling his hand towards where her heart beats.

This time, he knows that both of their hearts beated for each other.

He leans in, brushing their noses together before softly kissing her lips. He feels drunk on the softness of her lips on his. He’s longed and dreamt of this moment for a long time since he met her. He hears her whine a bit when he pulls away. “I love you,” he says, truly. His heart soars when she utters the same words back before kissing him again.

The lovers hold each other close as sleep blankets them as the night eventually blends into the early hours of the morning. A hint of smile evidently painted on their faces as they’re right where they belong; with each other.

[sserpente]

Raw Desire

Synopsis: Something is wrong with him. Something none of the Avengers, including Thor, understand. When Loki turns into his Jötun form unwillingly and begins to act in a very primal and aggressive way, their solution for the problem is to lock him up in a cell below the compound until it’s all over. It’s a disease, perhaps, one which only Frost Giants can develop. Only Loki is not sick. Loki is in heat--and his Jötun body will not rest until his most carnal desires have been satisfied...

Words: 9176 Warnings: Jötun!Loki, smut, fluff, symptoms of addiction

A/N: You wanted some Jötun!Loki, I wanted some Jötun!Loki... so here we go. Enjoy, everyone! 😏

Additional NSFW Warnings: breeding kink (a little bit, anyway), Loki is in heat (kind of, duh), lack of aftercare (at first...)

-

His antagonising scream tore through the entire compound. You flinched, alarmed. Loki. The heart-breaking sound of pain tugging at your nerves was followed by a loud thump—like a heavy metal door falling shut, locked for good. It had come from the cellar, where the Avengers stored weaponry and ammunition; along with provisory but secure prison cells of Wakandan technology for criminals until they could be handed over to the authorities.

When you reached the source of the rousing noise, you almost knocked straight into Thor. His muscly back resembled a thick fleshy wall that would break your bones if you collided with him with too much force and speed.

“What happened?” Out of breath, you moved around him—facing the culprit of the commotion. The eerie flickering camera right outside the cell door showed Loki knocking his fists repeatedly against the metal door. His knuckles were already bloody from the repeated impact, yet the door would not budge. Much more concerning, however, was his appearance. Loki’s skin—every inch revealed to the naked eye anyway—was blue, his otherwise enchanting blue eyes sparkling with mischief of a deep blood-red. Countless, unique and fleshy lines formed a complex pattern on his arms and the back of his hands, even his face and neck. Your lips parted, both in shock and surprise at what your eyesight had revealed to you.

“He’s losing his fucking mind.” Tony responded for Thor before the Thunderer could even open his mouth in defence. He came tramping into the room as mad as you had never experienced him, tapping away on a tablet in the process. “I told you it was bad idea to bring him back here, Point Break! What were you thinking?”

“Can anybody tell me what is going on?! Why is he… like this? Is he in pain?”

“In pain?! He almost killed Nat. If Wanda hadn’t interfered…” Tony did not finish the sentence—regardless, the threat of what consequences there would have been for the God of Mischief was clearly audible.

“This was unlike him. He had no reason to…”

“No? He pounced on her like a… like a…”

“Beast?” Bruce added matter-of-factly. His hands were in his pocket when he approached the scene and patted Thor on the back in an attempt of providing comfort.

“Maybe… maybe this isn’t his fault, Stark. I know my brother, he’s never acted like this before!” The God of Thunder roared in defence, his arms crossed.

“Yeah,” Tony retorted sarcastically. “You know your brother so well he even tried to kill us all. Three times. No. This man is evil. Look at him!”

Petrified, you risked another peek. Loki was downright animalistic, his fists still working the metal cell door. He was getting weaker, worn out—like the fire in his red eyes was slowly being extinguished to make way for weariness. There was something primal in his behaviour; something raw. You would be ignorant to deny it scared you.

“Tony,” you began, forcing your voice to cease the shaking, “What happened? Why did he attack Natasha? Was he hurt?” Your sudden concern for him was going to give you away. No, not sudden. It had always been there, hidden just beneath the surface of your heart. You had only kept it a secret because… because what?

Loki did not know you had been harbouring romantic feelings for him for a significant amount of time now. Dark, tall and mysterious, he matched not only your type but had hopelessly captured you with his melancholic and lonely nature, the grief in his stunning blue eyes. You refused to believe that Loki was evil, that he had ever truly wanted to harm his brother; and you were desperate to be his friend… and even more than that. But the God of Mischief had hidden his heart behind such a hard shell that you were worried you might never get him to open up to you.

You would by no means describe yourself as an altruistic person—but there was a both enamoured and depraved part of you which desired, longed, for him to like you back.

“Talk to me.” You stated, tilting your head when he flung his dagger at one of the battered punching bags in the training room.

“What?” He sounded almost scornful when he spun around to gift you an incredulous look.

“Talk to me, Loki. I want to know what’s going on in your mind. I thought I was… you are always so distant. You disappear in here every other night, you snap at everyone trying to speak to you. You look nervous, like something is trying to break out of you.” Like you are trying to get rid of monstrous amounts of bottled up energy, you added silently. “You seem so restless. What’s wrong?”

“What concern is that of yours?” He spat.

“See! That is exactly what I meant.”

Loki growled. “What do you want from me, (Y/N)?” You flinched when he used your full name as opposed to the nickname everyone called you by.

“Why? Why are you screaming at me, I’m just trying to help! Don’t you get it, Loki? I care about you. And I care about what you think, even if I am probably the only one in this bloody compound who does.” Now that was unfair. But it was also the truth. “Why are you pushing me away? Let me in…”

Desperately, you moved forward in an attempt to reach up and cup his face, only for him to grab your wrists and pull them away harshly.

“Let you in? All I have ever received in return for ‘letting someone in’ was hurt and hatred. Give me one good reason for why I should open up to you,” he mocked, releasing your hands as if they would burn his fingers if they lingered on your skin for too long. “Tell you about my sorrows.” Sorrows. He had sorrows.

“I am not them.” You simply said. “Not any of them. I am not Odin, not Thor, none of the Avengers.”

Blinking, you snapped out of your memory. You had had this tragic conversation only two nights ago. No matter what you had said, he would not tell you what was on his mind. Now you knew.

“Something is wrong with him.” You interrupted the discussion, one you had not paid any attention to, by silencing them with a loud and determined voice.

“You don’t say?”

“No, Tony, you don’t understand… Loki is… he is Jötun. Thor, has he ever voluntarily turned into his Jötun form?”

The God of Thunder thought about it for a moment—then, he shook his head. “No.” You gave him a meaningful look. “So… you think it has something to do with his species?”

You nodded slowly and swallowed.

“Then we keep him in here until he is better.” He concluded. Your eyes widened.

“What? Thor, no… you can’t keep him locked up in there! What if he doesn’t get better on his own? Are you going to incarcerate him forever?”

“That would be an improvement.” Tony tossed in bitterly.

“We have to help him.”

“We? (Y/N)…” Bruce remarked almost tauntingly.

“You’ll find us upstairs. We need to let the others know about… whatever this is.” Tony added. You gnashed your teeth when he and Bruce turned to leave. For an awkward moment, it was eerily still—right until another one of Loki’s screams tore through the uncomfortable silence. You flinched once more. He was howling in pain.

“You think it might be a disease only Frost Giants can get?” Thor asked with concern in his deep voice at last.

You shrugged apologetically. “Maybe…”

“Loki and I were going to return to Asgard next week. I shall ask around, one of the healers should be familiar with Jötun diseases.”

“Go as soon as you can. Your brother is in pain, Thor, can’t you hear that?”

The God of Thunder nodded absentmindedly. But if no one was going to do something about Loki’s suffering—whatever it was—immediately, you would do it alone. So you did what Loki would do first. You dug up his books.

-

Loki’s room was neat, tidy. The green bed had been made—there was not a single wrinkle in the fabric and the desk was all clean, not giving thin layers of dust only visible in the direct sunlight a chance. The books he had brought from Asgard, old, thick, yellowed and heavy, he had stored on a bookshelf higher than you could reach.

Sucking in a determined breath, you moved the desk chair in front of it. The polished wooden floor to your feet complained with an ear-piercing shriek as you did. Determined, you climbed up to study the titles. All of them were written in Nordic Runes, making you realise that your research would end up being a lot harder than you had initially assumed. You could not speak a word of Old Norse, let alone read those Runes. Never mind that… you needed answers—and Loki needed your help.

It took you two hours to go through the titles and have them translated via a website you had had to pay for (using Tony’s credit card details—desperate times called for desperate measures) to use its allegedly reliable services.

Then, finally, after what felt like half an eternity, you found a suitable page-turner. It was titled Mythical Creatures and Species across Yggdrasil—at least, that was what the website you used told you.

Eagerly, you opened the book searching frantically for the chapter on Frost Giants and began sucking up all the information you could get. The more you read… and the more you compared Loki’s symptoms to the described behaviour of Jötuns in the book, the more aghast you became. One thing was for sure. Loki was not sick. Loki was aroused.

Terror-stricken, you bookmarked the page, grabbed your phone and jumped to your feet, abandoning the pile of books on Loki’s floor. You needed to speak to Thor right now.

He was about to enter the bathroom when you found him, once again almost knocking into his broad form.

“I… I found something.” You choked out.

“What?”

“I found something… about Loki. Thor… he is not ill, not really, he is…” Biting your lower lip, you pushed the God of Thunder into the bathroom, shut the door behind you and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. “He is… aroused.”

“What?” He roared, blushing. “What do you mean he is aroused?”

“Look… I found this book, I…”

“You speak Old Norse?”

“No! I used… I used a translator. Thor, listen, please. It says here that to ensure their continued existence, male Frost Giants, every one-thousand years, experience the primal urge to copulate with females of their kind. Much like wolves or elves, this ‘heat’ usually begins with restlessness, extremely aggressive and possessive behaviour, unusual amounts of pent-up energy as well as an extreme hunger and loss of appetite at the very same time. Loki hasn’t showed up for lunch, dinner or breakfast and… he has been spending extraordinary times in the training room downstairs in the middle of the night lately. He barely sleeps, it seems.”

“Go on…”

“How old is Loki, Thor?”

“He is a little over one-thousand years… old.” He looked up in shock when he realised.

“That’s why he is in his Jötun form, Thor. He can’t control it, it’s not his fault, it’s… in his nature. God…” You had read it all, yet you were still working on processing it.

“This… it would explain why he tried to attack Nat. So… he is not in danger then?” Thor probed.

“No, not necessarily but—“

“So we can just wait until it is over.”

You frowned. “Until what is over?”

“His heat! If what you are saying is true and Loki’s behaviour derives from his heritage… if he cannot control his reactions, we have to keep him locked up and wait. We can’t have him ravish all the females in the compound.”

“But… he is in pain.”

An urgent knock on the bathroom door interrupted you.

“Hey, are you having a soap party in there? Other people need to use the bathroom too!” Closing the heavy book shut again, you rolled your eyes.

“There are at least three other bathrooms in this compound, Tony!”

“What are you two doing in here anyway?” He asked as he opened the door and leaned against the threshold when he spotted you two sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

“(Y/N) found out that Loki is… uh… in heat.”

“In heat?!” Tony repeated. “Like a cat?”

“No! It… has something to do with the procreation cycle of Jötuns. It… is in his nature.”

“Fuck…”

“Hey… language.” If you hadn’t recognised his voice, you would know it was Steve who joined your heated discussion. “What’s going on here?”

“Loki is in heat, like a cat.” Steve frowned.

“No, he isn’t! Not like a cat, this is…” Thor stood again before you could finish your sentence.

“It’s for the best, (Y/N). Down there, he’ll be save from getting himself into trouble.”

“Thor, wait! Loki is suffering! Soon, he will…”

“We can’t risk it, (Y/N)! He almost raped Natasha!” Tony barked. “And if you go near him, I’ll lock you up too. I’ve seen what he’s capable of, (Y/N). I will not let him hurt you.”

“He… he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t.” You chirped. No. Loki would never deliberately take a woman against her will. If he did… no! Loki had in incredible amount of self-control and composure; and you knew how much he despised his own heritage. He would fight this—for as long as he could.

“Besides…” Tony added. “It wouldn’t be so bad if he got a taste of his own medicine.”

“Stop blaming Loki for your PTSD, Tony. That was Thanos’ doing and you know that.” You growled darkly. The billionaire paused for a moment.

“He is staying where he is,” he concluded then. “Until he’s gone back to normal.”

-

But you did not want to wait. You couldn’t. You had read about the symptoms in detail. In the book it said that moodiness and aggression were only the beginning. If Loki did not act on what his Jötun body demanded from him and… released, then soon, excruciating pain would torment his loins. Masturbation appeared to be out of the picture. You nibbled on your lower lip. This thought of yours invaded his privacy on a truly shameful level, yet you were certain that if sexual arousal had already been plaguing him for a significant amount of time before this outbreak of his, he would have tried to lay hand on himself already and learned it did not provide the necessary relief.

Sooner or later, he would no longer be able to suppress his erection—and it would not disappear until he… sheathed himself inside a female to fill her with his seed. Under different circumstances, the idea of him claiming a woman… you, in such a possessive manner would have aroused you tremendously yourself. As of right now, however, Loki was in agony. The pain, if ignored for too long, would only get worse—it could last up to months and even then the denial of sexual release could result in permanent damage to his loins and even his potency.

But there was no cure either. No potion or spell to contain a male Jötun’s heat which Thor could have forwarded to Asgardian healers.

It was past midnight when you stopped reading and translating—too appalled by how much more Loki would have to suffer if nothing was done about his… condition. The only way to make it stop… was to act on it.

Your lips parted in realisation. You liked him, very much so—and you found Loki incredibly attractive, dreaming of his hands on your body, even. Perhaps you could help him after all. You were not Jötun but… would his body really make a difference? This most primal part of him wished to mate with a female—and although you had never seen a female Jötun, you doubted they looked much different than you did down there.

-

You had to wait another thirty minutes until the lights in Tony’s lab finally went out and you could sneak through the compound and downstairs to the cells—and once you had made sure that Vision was nowhere to be found, you switched off the security camera for Loki’s cell and approached the thick metal door.

It was quiet. He had stopped screaming. There was no banging against the walls either. Yet when you unlocked the door and slipped inside, his appearance, cowering on the floor and leaning against the cool wall with bare feet, startled you to the core. Loki’s raven hair was completely dishevelled, his knuckles bruised and covered in dry blood. His Jötun appearance was downright intimidating and close up, even more fascinating. He was breathing heavily, the thin shirt he had been wearing underneath all of his armour torn in several places, revealing blue skin and in his dark leather trousers… there was a remarkable bulge.

You shivered slightly when his red eyes met yours. Slowly, he tilted his head. “What are you doing here?” He growled hoarsely but weakly.

“I… I want to help you.”

The God of Mischief snorted. “You cannot help me.”

Mutely, you shook your head. “I can. Loki… I… I know what’s happening with you.”

He snorted once more. “So do I.”

“Let me help you.” Taking a deep breath, you moved closer to him. He reacted immediately. Loki jerked, greedily, as if to grab you and pull you on his lap. He could barely stop himself. Yet you were convinced that he would not hurt you in this state… much. A wave of courage rolled over you—you were doing this for him; and you wouldn’t be doing it if you did not like him in this way. Regardless of what he thought of you after, if he could even imagine being with a mortal like that… you longed to stop his pain.

“Leave.” He said quickly when you kneeled down next to him, timidly resting your palms on his thighs. “No… I said… leave… while you still can.” You did not. In fact, you ignored his rather sincere warning. Slowly, to not tickle the sleeping dragon, you reached for the buttons of his leather trousers and began undoing them until he grabbed a hold of your wrists to stop you. He was ice cold.

“Have you… lost your mind?” Loki was cut off by a loud hiss escaping his lips when your fingertips brushed against his erection. He was large—much larger than he would be in his Aesir form, you presumed, and his cock too was blue and covered in dozens of ridges.

“It won’t go away on its own,” you whispered. “You know it won’t. It’s okay.”

Braver this time, you stroked him again, creating more skin on skin contact. Loki was still holding on to you tightly but made no move to stop you. The touch of a female… it must have been bringing some sort of relief already. Coming here had been the right decision.

“Loki…” You murmured. Finally, your hand closed around his incredibly hard cock entirely and you began to jerk him off—gently at first, only to pick up speed when his breathing grew even heavier than it already was. Defeated, he dropped his head against the wall, revealing his blue neck to you. “Please let me help you.” You repeated. “It’s okay. I trust you.” Upon those words, Loki’s eyes widened barely noticeably. Perhaps it was all he had needed to hear to lose his self-control and composure entirely.

Growling like a wild animal, he suddenly started at you, pushing you back firmly so you lost your balance like a beetle on its back, wrapped his ice cold hands around your ankles and pulled you into him. Your back collided with the floor, knocking all air out of your lungs. You gasped for air all the while Loki busied himself with your clothes. Any layer of fabric was too much. He wanted you naked for him. His sheer strength petrified you when he tore at your pyjamas and ripped them to pieces until they were scattered all over the cell. You trembled—but it wasn’t the icy temperature of his blue skin that made your limbs shake so much. It was, so you realised when your widened eyes fell on his massive erection, now fully springing free from his tight trousers, your own arousal growing into dizzying heights. This, whatever it was, excited you—maybe even way more than it should.

Once more, the God of Mischief grabbed your ankles, forcing your legs open. Your heart skipped a beat when he laid his blood-red eyes upon your bare pussy. Your lower lips must have been glistening with your juices in the artificial light of the cell. Loki growled, his long and cold fingers gripping your ankles so tightly you could already feel the bruises forming. Eagerly, he positioned himself between your legs, the tip of his hard and ice cold cock teasing your clit. A moan escaped your lips, urging him on. The fire in his eyes had returned, like your body had set his ablaze.

He spread you even further for him, your nails digging into the metal floor beneath you—and then he claimed you for his own. Inch by antagonising inch, he split you apart, sheathing himself so deep inside of you all air was knocked from your lungs yet again. He was ice cold and he was much larger than the average man; and you were beginning to understand that yes, female Jötuns were anatomically different than humans. Human women were not made for taking such long cocks… so why did every single powerful thrust of his feel so good?

Loki pulled out almost completely, with only the tip remaining inside of you, only to plunge back inside only the fraction of a second later, fucking you furiously. Your tight and wet walls appeared to mould around his manhood, gripping him tightly, asking for more despite the almost unbearable coldness against your most intimate parts. No longer were you in control of your arms. They reached up, palms gliding over his bare chest and enjoying the coldness under your fingertips. Fascinated and aroused at the very same time, you traced every single ridge on Loki’s body while he was fucking you senseless, until your eyes rolled to the back of your head, unable to take the pleasure. His long manhood his spots inside of you which you had never known even existed. He leaned down, at last letting go of your ankles, instead taking a hold of your wrists to pin them both down right above your head and pressing his body so tightly against yours that your clit kept rubbing against his pelvis with every single stroke. You moaned, stricken by ecstasy, and arched your back as you kept moving your hips up to meet his thrusts.

Aroused, you looked down, watching how his blue cock kept sliding in and out of you, spreading your lips as they enveloped him welcomingly.

Loki groaned, his attention steering towards your breasts as they bounced with each of his rough thrusts. Hungrily, he lowered his face, his cold breath ghosting over your mounts, and sucked your right nipple into his mouth—hard. He nibbled, suckled pulled and bit until the already hardened nub was throbbing with pleasure and need and he repeated the same blissful procedure with your left nipple all the while he kept rutting into you uncontrollably.

“Loki…” You wondered if, in his current state, he would be able to speak. As of right now, he indeed reminded you of a wolf who would annihilate anything standing between him and his subject of desire, his prey—you.

Your toes curled, the promising and numbing sensation growing in your lower abdomen having you scream his name over and over again. You could already feel yourself clenching around him, your body urging him on to mark you with his seed and impregnate you and when he finally released himself into you, burying his cock as deep inside of you as was physically possible and coating your walls with his load, he triggered your own release.

You came with a loud moan, feeling him twitch against you as your pussy contracted around him again and again until you collapsed underneath him, spent and tired from his vigorous fucking. Loki, on the other hand, didn’t even think about letting you be. Unceremoniously, he pulled you on his lap so you came to snuggle up against his cold and naked chest, your face hidden in his neck. He supported himself by leaning against the metal wall, his cock still resting deep inside of you.

“How… are you… feeling?” You breathed out, barely able to keep your eyes open. Being taken thoroughly by a Frost Giant had been a lot more exhausting than you had initially assumed.

He was panting, his eyes almost shut. His erection inside you, however, was still very prominent and nowhere near ebbing down.

“Better… soon.” He growled into your ear. Soon? A high-pitched scream escaped your lips when he sank his teeth into your neck and bit down hard enough to make you squirm on his lap. You could still feel his ice cold sperm dribbling out of you and coating his own cock when he grabbed your arse and began moving you up and down his cold rut, forcing you to ride him.

“Oh… fuck…” You choked out. You were tender already, sensitive to the touch. This was too much, too soon. Yet Loki was too caught up in his pleasure and urges to give you a break. He took you several more times that night, eliciting orgasm after orgasm after orgasm from you—until you were on the verge of passing out.

-

You awoke with a hunger unlike one you had never experienced before. Irritated, you crawled out of bed—using the toilet but skipping your morning routine to get to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast. It was only seven. Loki had not… released you until half past six. There was no way your body could have drawn enough rest from this meagre hour of sleep.

Be that as it may—for now, you were hungry. Quietly, you tiptoed into the kitchen, ignoring the sweet ache and tenderness between your legs and resisting the urge to cup yourself through your pyjama bottoms. The white and bright light of the fridge blinded you when you opened it and reached for a package of juice and one of those pre-packed turkey sandwiches Tony kept buying. Unceremoniously, you then closed the fridge with your butt and sat down at the kitchen table to eat. And you kept returning to the fridge until Steve joined you in the kitchen to have a cup of coffee and then go for a run. When had you ever been this hungry before? Was it because of the aggressive sex you had had with Loki? Jesus…

You blushed when Steve asked you how you had slept—and you were rather grateful you had been smart enough to switch off the security cameras before… helping Loki out. He had still been in his Jötun form when you left at long last but he had looked content and… satisfied, in the most carnal manner possible. You would wait until the rest of the Avengers were up to check on him, to not raise any suspicion.

So when Thor staggered into the kitchen with a shit-eating grin on his face, you nearly jumped from your seat.

“Good morning!” He yelled—clearly in a very good mood. He managed to scarf down an entire package of fruit loops before you couldn’t take it anymore and aggressively scratched your fork over your empty plate until the room went awkwardly quiet.

“Didn’t you forget something?” You asked him heatedly. The God of Thunder frowned.

“No! I did flush the toilet this morning, (Y/N).”

Rolling your eyes, you stood.

“Loki. Loki is still one level below you, locked up in a cell, in pain, while you are enjoying your breakfast.” You hoped though, sincerely, that he was no longer in pain.

“(Y/N)… we spoke about this, there is nothing we can do. Down there, he can’t hurt himself or anyone else. I told you I’m going to Asgard soon, I will speak to—”

It was in this moment that your plate broke in half. You had, subconsciously, used your fork to stab it so forcefully it fell apart like a rotten apple. Eyes widening, you mumbled an apology.

“Sorry… I just… no one should be suffering like this. You all heard him last night.”

Bruce gave you a gentle smile. “You’ve always had a big heart for everyone, huh?” You nodded quickly. They did not need to know about your feelings… or the arousing ache between your legs. Your heart was racing. You took a deep breath, hurrying out of the kitchen without cleaning up behind you. Instead, you immediately locked yourself in the bathroom and turned on the tap to splash some cold water on your face. The icy temperature calmed you once it came in contact with your skin, reminding you of him—if only for a moment.

You were shaking. What on Earth was wrong with you? You took a quick shower to wind down, threw on an oversized sweater and then headed downstairs to the prison cells. A glance at the monitor of the security camera made you let out a relieved breath. Loki had indeed gone back to his Aesir form—and he did no longer seem to be in pain. It was, so you wondered, very unusual, however, to not complain and wreak havoc so the Avengers would let him out but then again… would they truly believe him if he told them he had overcome his heat?

With another deep breath, you opened the cell door and slipped inside.

“You were not supposed to see me like this last night. No one was.” He said quietly before you could even open your mouth, not bothering to make eye contact with you.

“Did you know? What was happening to you?”

“Yes.” He snorted, a bitter smile spreading on his thin lips. “I believed I would be able to control it.” Finally, he looked up, his blue eyes locking with yours. “Did I hurt you?” Your lips parted in surprise. Slowly, you shook your head.

“No… I mean… it was quite pleasurable… for me as well… actually.” You choked out sheepishly.

“Hmm… that I could tell,” Loki gave you a light smirk. “Thank you.” He said then—and for the first time since you had met him, you sensed true honesty and sincerity in his smooth voice.

“I’ll leave the door open.” You returned his smile; the planes in your belly flying loops.

“We are… keeping this between us, are we not?” He hastened to ask when you turned around.

“Of course.” After all, no one needed to know you had let Loki mate with you to regain control over his loins.

-

It was five days after your intimate encounter with Loki when your constant shaking became worse enough for him to notice—and if that wasn’t bad enough already, your body had begun to sweat; a lot. Day in and out, you had to change your sheets as if your bed was your personal sauna—or your personal hell.

You felt like you had been hit by a bus, like an extremely nasty form of the flu had you in its steel grip tightly, unwilling to let you go. Sleep, however, to get some rest and recover, would not come either. Two hours per night at most, three if you got lucky. And instead of getting better, it became worse.

He had been restless ever since. It could not be. After all, it had also never… or had it? Growling to himself, he locked the door to his room, enjoying the quietness and most of all, utter privacy.

Not a soul in the nine realms was aware he was still in the possession of the Tesseract. So when he produced it out of thin air—his large hand momentarily surrounded by a green mist—he made sure to hurry and quickly teleported himself back to Asgard. Heimdall would never open the Bifrost for him if he wasn’t accompanied by Thor.

He was worried about you and his surprise about these particular circumstances was remarkably low. When he closed his eyes, he could still taste your hard nipples on his tongue from when he had suckled on them. He remembered how warm your body felt against his when he had cradled you in his lap and the thought of your tight cunt around his throbbing cock stirred arousal in his leather trousers if only he indulged in reminiscences for too long. Most of all, however, he was unable to forget the sincere smile on your face when you had freed him from the cell the next day… and the mesmerised gaze you had met him with when he had ravished your sweet quim over and over again.

With another deep breath, he disappeared in an ice cold cloud of smoke.

-

Sneaking past the guards and into the palace library—the one place he had spent hours on end in growing up here, hiding away from Thor, his friends and the world, reading and hoarding knowledge—was pathetically easy. He knew exactly what to look for, what lecture would confirm his worrying suspicions. Once he found what he had been searching, he sat down on the windowsill—another usual spot he found comfort in—and began his research. He had known about the impact of a male Jötun’s seed on his female counterpart, of course; for even though he despised his own race, he, as opposed to Thor, had paid attention during their private tutoring lessons as children. The heavy book in his hands, however, made him, the God of Mischief and Trickery, hold his breath. What Loki had not known was that the repercussion of a male Jötun’s seed did not just occur in Jötun females. It applied to any species—including humans. However, the chances of survival for weaker lifeforms were alarmingly low.

Abandoning the book, he hurried out of the library and into the city. There was someone he needed to speak to.

-

“With all due respect, my prince but you are not welcome here.” Loki rolled his eyes. He knew it would not be fun, exactly, to seek out his ex-partners and ask about their well-being long after he had left them. The man opening him when he knocked on Sigyn’s door, a woman he had been engaged with for several years in his youth, was about as tall as Thor—his right hand decorated with a golden ring. Husband. Just great. And, judging by his obvious dismay of finding him on his doorstep, she must have told him about their shared past.

“I need to speak to your wife. Urgently. That is an order.” Sigyn’s husband growled, clenching his fists but stepped aside regardless. Loki made sure not to pay any attention to the furniture and his surroundings. Toys were scattered all across the living room, hinting that Sigyn had become both wife and mother in his absence. Her face fell when she spotted Loki standing in the middle of the small room—truly like he would even have preferred Helheim over being here of all places—as pale as a ghost.

“Loki… I mean… your highness. What… brings you here?”

“I need to ask you a few questions.”

“Um… by all means. Sit down. Would you like some ale?”

“No.” Sigyn pointed at the rectangular kitchen table and then sat down opposite of him. Her hands were folded on the surface of the polished wood.

“It is good to see you.”

“Likewise… Now this will sound odd,” he began unceremoniously, ignoring her husband towering above him with his arms crossed. “But I have to know how you fared after we separated. Not… emotionally. Physically.” He emphasised.

“Physically? That is indeed odd. Oh, I… um… let me see, it’s been such a long time. I had quite an appetite after you left,” she laughed, clearly uncomfortable with his presence. Loki sighed.

“An appetite. What more than that?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Except… yes, of course! I fell ill a few days after. The healers never found out what my body was rebelling against. It lasted for a few months. Tiredness, insomnia, attacks of sweat and I could not stop shaking. Why do you ask? Did you… did you experience it too?”

“No,” he replied quickly, a nauseous feeling spreading in his guts. You were showing the exact same symptoms. Symptoms of addiction. “You said it lasted for a few months?”

“I am sorry, your highness but is there a point to this interrogation? My wife has to feed the baby.”

“We’re almost done.” He barked, glaring at Sigyn’s husband from the corner of his eye.

“It did,” Sigyn confirmed. “But then it never returned.”

“Thank you. That will be all.” Loki took a deep breath and stood, resisting the urge to massage the bridge of his nose to clear his thoughts. It was only when he turned on his heel to leave this way too harmonic place that he noticed Sigyn’s husband had left the door open for him. He rolled his eyes.

“Loki! I-I mean, your highness…”

“Loki is fine, Sigyn. We have seen each other naked, after all.” Beside him, he could practically hear her husband gnashing his teeth. He smirked.

“I understand you do not wish to share with me what troubles you but whatever it is, I hope everything will turn out to be alright.”

Loki gave her a smile. It was as honest as he could muster in this tense situation. Sigyn had always known when he was being plagued by dark sorrows, even before he learned about his true parentage. Much like you. You too had been able to tell he had been unwell, both physically and mentally. He swallowed thickly.

“Thank you, Sigyn.”

He had to see Amora, too. They had not exactly gone separate ways peacefully but if she had experienced the same symptoms as Sigyn after their break-up, he had to get back to you immediately. And he had to tell you. The truth, a luxury given his nature, was the very least you deserved.

-

“Where have you been?” Thor roared as soon as he entered the kitchen to pick up one of those cold drinking chocolates you had introduced him to a while back—the ridiculous amount of sugar would help you, if only for a moment. The presence of Tony, Nat, Bucky, Steve and Thor, leaning against the counter or sitting at the kitchen table, he ignored as best as he could. He would have preferred to be alone now.

Loki quirked his eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. “Asgard, given that you were unwilling to get help yourself.”

“How? Heimdall wouldn’t…”

“There is a lot Heimdall does not know, brother.” Thor grumbled something he did not understand but it sounded awfully like a curse word in Old Norse.

“Whatever. Have you seen (Y/N)? Her room is down the same hallways as yours, has she left her room lately?” Tony barked at him.

“As far as I am concerned, she has Vision bring her excessive amounts of food, for she is too weak to come to the kitchen herself. No. I have not seen her around.” He replied nonchalantly, with false disinterest. This time, so it seemed, however, his choice of tone, equalled shooting himself in the foot.

“We need to get her to the hospital. None of the medicines I gave her worked even a little bit—and I contacted the best doctors I know.” Loki suppressed a scoff. As if a hospital full of human ‘doctors’ would be able to help you. The only one who could… was he.

“For Fuck’s sake, she has been feeling ill ever since…” Tony’s face fell. “Ever since we locked up your brother.” Belligerently, his gaze wandered over to Loki again. “Okay, Reindeer Games, what did you do to her and don’t even try to lie to me!”

“You do assume, automatically, that I have something to do with it?” He mocked. Tony clenched his fists.

“Loki,” Thor added calmly. “Do you… know something?” The God of Mischief sighed. If he told them, what little trust they had in his capabilities as an Avenger would vaporise like smoke. It mattered not. In fact, he could not care less if any of those self-proclaimed heroes even liked him. Yet if he spoke the truth… surely they would do anything in their power to keep you away from him—which was exactly what they could not do if they wanted you to survive and feel better again as much as he did. He could just take care of the problem on his own… sooner or later, however, they were bound to find out about their intimate encounters, and he was beyond keeping secrets like that. If he wanted to make love to you, then he would, may the Norns help him.

“It is… my seed.” He choked out reluctantly.

“Your… what!? Your… yeah, no, I can’t say that out loud without throwing up… is making her sick!?”

“The seed of a male Jötun is causing… an addiction. Withdrawal will make her weak and ill.” Loki looked up grimly. “Frost Giants live in strictly monogamous relationships.”

“What, like penguins? How did she even come in contact with… did you… did you rape her? I swear to God, I will kill you.”

“I did not lay a finger on her.” Loki replied darkly.

Tony threw his hands up in the air. “So how did your happy juice get inside of her in the first place then!? How did that happen, I wonder?”

“She came to me voluntarily, Stark!”

“But you knew? If you knew it would make her sick, why didn’t you stop her, you selfish asshole!?”

“How!? How, Stark!? Resisting the urge to mate in heat is like attempting to suppress a sneeze. It’s impossible. Don’t bother your pathetic human mind with things you do not understand.”

“Loki…” Thor began warningly. The God of Mischief ignored him with a hostile growl.

“(Y/N) would never do that.” Tony said then.

“Perhaps you do not know her as well as you thought you do.”

“You little shit, I will…” Tony jumped from his chair as if stung by an adder, prompting Loki to draw one of his daggers seemingly out of nowhere when he started at him. Both Natasha and Steve barely managed to hold him back.

“Leave it, Tony. This is Loki. He is just trying to provoke you.” Nat appeased.

Just this one time, however, they were wrong. Loki did, in fact, care about you. It was just he had not realised that until you had willingly offered your body to him when he had been in pain. Glaring at them darkly, he rose from his chair.

“I am going to fix this.” He spat. It almost sounded like a threat. “Not for you. I could watch you drop dead to my feet without so much as blinking. But for her.” Fuming, he stormed out, his right fist still clutching at his dagger in a desperate attempt to calm himself down. And as of right now, Thor knew better than to stop him.

He needed to see you. Remorse and guilt were eating him up from the inside out—and it wasn’t just the fact you had helped him in spite of everything he had done to Midgard only a few years back. It was… you were… Loki closed his eyes for a brief moment. You were his.

When he knocked on your door, there was no response. Now there was a chance you were asleep, yet he somehow knew better than to leave and try again later as to not startle you. After all… he was going to make you feel better.

He slipped inside, locking the door behind him with magic so you would not be disturbed. The sight of you almost broke his heart. You were trembling, buried under a pile of blankets, pale and weak.

“(Y/N)…” He spoke with a quiet voice, approaching you slowly. Your eyes opened when you heard his voice, your weak body barely managing to turn over to look at him. A cough escaped your lips before you could answer him.

“Hey…”

“How are you feeling?”

“Terrible.” You tried for a laugh but could only manage another cough. With a straight face, he sat down on the edge of the bed so he was able to bring his palm to your forehead. You were incredibly warm, yet the sweat made your skin cold to the touch. His heart skipped a beat. Suddenly, he was worried you only had a few weeks left until your body gave up fighting the withdrawal. He would not, ever let this happen.

“I brought you some cold drinking chocolate.”

“Oh…” You chuckled weakly. “Thank you. Is that the only reason you came?”

“No,” he laughed. “I came to check on you.”

“An eye for an eye, huh?” Your eyes fell shut when you smiled.

“Hmm… I’m afraid it is a little more complicated than that.” He purred. You never noticed how his eyes fell on your crotch, even if it was covered by a bunch of blankets. Slowly but determined, he slid his left hand under the layers of fabric until he found what he was searching for. With skilled fingers, he began to massage your clit until he felt you responding to his attentive touches. You arched your back, your sex growing wetter and wetter fast—like your body knew exactly what would follow. Licking his lips, he scooped some of it up to spread all over your quim and create even more friction. You were squirming by the time he removed the blankets entirely and positioned himself between your legs, careful not to shift all of his body weight onto you.

Was he going to… did he… could he possibly… reciprocate your feelings? Your heart skipped a beat, butterflies awakening in your belly. If only you could…

“Loki… Loki, I… I really want to do this again too but… not now, I’m… I really don’t feel well.”

“Shhh…” He would ponder over your words later. You wanted to do this again too? Had it not just be compassion and pity that had driven you to offer him your most intimate parts for relief? And what if you refused him now? You had to trust him. So he shut you up by pressing his lips against yours, capturing them in a passionate kiss and then, once again slowly but determined, removed the blankets and peeled your pyjama from you until he had you naked—fine, he had helped with magic; and he was certainly too impatient to remove his own clothes, so instead contented himself with freeing his growing erection from his trousers only.

A whimper escaped your lips when you caught sight of his arousal, his tip—not blue but the colour of flesh this time—pressing against your entrance. He slid inside you to the hilt with almost no resistance, your warm pussy welcoming him in. Loki moaned when your walls gripped him tightly; it was like your body already knew his release would make it feel better. Only this time, he was in control. This time, he would take his time and make gentle love to you—right until you began to tremble underneath him for entirely different reasons.

Your eyes fell shut when Loki started moving, retreating almost completely only to plunge back deep inside of you fast and passionately. You were too weak to buck your hips, as much as you would have loved to. And despite your weariness, he felt incredible. You were unable to decide which form of his you liked better.

You kissed him again when his nose brushed against yours and his breath tickled your lips, bathing in the intimacy between you. But when he slid his hand down to where your bodies were united to pamper your clit all the while speeding up, hungry for his release, you stopped him, albeit gently.

“I… I don’t think I can, I’m too… but I… it’s okay.” You murmured. “Cum.”

It was a request he could not resist, not any longer. Thrusting forward a few more times, his release was beginning to overwhelm him. He groaned into your ear, his hot breath brushing against your cheek, and let his climax consume him. He was throbbing against your walls, his seed—surprisingly warm and not as cold as it had been the first time—filling you to the brim and until you could feel it dribbling out of you again. Loki stilled, turning you over so you both rested on the mattress on your sides, with his slowly softening cock still inside of you and one of your legs draped over his hips. One heartbeat passed, then another and another. And just like that… you felt like you had been reborn.

“How… I feel so much better.” Loki kept silent. Remorse was sparkling in his blue eyes. Avoiding your curious gaze, he looked down, with a start fascinated with the blue roses on your bed sheets.

“Loki?”

“You did fail to read all of it, did you not?” He stated quietly.

“What… what do you mean?”

“The book you took from my shelf. I looked it up when you got worse. It wasn’t until I left for Asgard that I realised why our… sexual encounter is making you ill.”

“I… wait… Does that mean you believe it has something to do with you? I mean… what we did? Is it… I’m not pregnant, am I!?”

“No. You are not.” He smirked at you weakly. “That, I would have sensed already. No… I’m afraid it is a little more complicated. Frost Giants live in strictly monogamous relationships. They never… switch their partners once they mated during their first heat. If they do…” Loki took a deep breath. “It appears that the seed of a Frost Giant triggers some sort of… addiction for their female partner. They develop a carnal craving for their seed which forces them to keep returning for… more.”

Biologically speaking, this was a downright bulletproof way of ensuring the survival of a species—the Jötuns’ own bodies turning against them and demanding sex. The gravity of his words, however, hit you only a moment later. So this was why you had been feeling so sick lately. You were showing signs of… addiction. Your body had become addicted to Loki’s seed. You swallowed thickly.

“I-is there… is there a way to stop this?”

“I went to speak to my former partners back on Asgard—which, to be frank, does not just sound like a disaster. But I needed to know if they experienced any symptoms similar to yours when we… separated.” You ignored the painful sting in your heart when he said ‘former partners’. Of course Loki had had sex before, had perhaps even been in love. He did not strike you as the type of Norse God who was unexperienced in the art of love making. After all, he had more than just proved this to you. It mattered not, not now.

“And… did they?” You probed nervously.

Loki nodded seriously. “They were both bedridden for months, plagued by uncontrollable trembling and sweating. Their appetite increased, they ate twice as much than they usually would without ever feeling truly full… and they barely slept anymore, tossing and turning for most of the night. Amora added she became increasingly violent as well. They, of course, believed it was a virus which would pass, eventually.” Terrified, you remembered how you had broken your plate in the kitchen the night after your lovemaking. It all made sense now.

But you did not dare ask what this meant. When dreaming of having a relationship with Loki, you had not imaged a partnership out of physical and sexual necessity which would feel like a chore to him; like an obligation now that you had helped him out, after all.

“But they were Asgardian.” He suddenly said, pausing to let his words sink in. “You are human. You are mortal. I am uncertain you would survive…” If I stopped having sex with you. Is that what he had meant to say before he stopped himself abruptly?

Taking a deep and shaky breath, you gathered all of your courage, as weak as it may be.

“This is all my own fault, Loki.���

“It is not—“

“N-no, let me speak. It’s my fault. You couldn’t help it. And I came to you on my own accord. But…” You swallowed. “Even if I had known, I still would have helped you.”

The God of Mischief frowned when you reached for his hand and held it—but it was a downright vulnerable expression.

“Loki… I’m not going to expect you to keep having sex with me if you don’t… I mean…” It was then he began to smirk cheekily.

“And if I do?” Loki had truthfully speaking always been a puzzle—always keeping his deepest thoughts and feelings all to himself. Until now. So he did reciprocate your feelings.

“Y-you do?” His smirk widened.

“It… does get better after a while, once the pair is more acquainted to each other’s bodies,” he continued. “And they are then able to spend more time apart without any signs of withdrawal showing. Ultimately, however, once the male Jötun claimed her, the female is bound to him… if he decides to keep her.”

Despite your weakness, you raised an eyebrow. “That sounds pretty sexist, Lokes.” Loki looked up. His heart jumped when you gave him a nickname.

“Sexist? No. Dominant? Yes.” He growled darkly.

“You’re right. It’s probably not sexist given that male Frost Giants go into heat.” You giggled in response. Loki tickled your sides for that remark, making you wriggle around on the bed. If your hunch was not deceiving your love-drunken mind, then the God of Mischief had just begun to court you.

“Loki?” You mused, raising your voice in a shy manner.

“Hmm?”

“I think I feel fit enough now to have an orgasm.”

The God of Mischief laughed—as heartily as you had never heard him laugh before. “Do you now?”

Next thing you knew he was already on top of you again, covering your naked body with tender kisses.

-

A/N: Check out my blog to find more Imagines and take a glimpse at my first (to be) published novel! If you enjoyed this story, I would appreciate it so much if you supported me on Kofi! ko-fi.com/sserpente ♥  

[jungwonenthusiast]

idk what all you write about kink wise, but could you do sub!jake with pegging? where he’s really subby and cute and the reader (female) takes care of him

A/N: I don't write pegging lol but I hope u enjoy <3 (forgive me if there r any spelling mistakes)

Warnings: oral (m receiving), fingering (f receiving), unprotected sex

Word count: 1.6 k

Jake falls on top of you while you lay in bed. You let out an 'oof' from the sudden weight. His hair is a little damp from his shower and it's poking into your eyes.

"Please give me a warning if you're gonna do that." you wince.

"I'm sorry," he groans and rolls off of you. "I'm not having a good day."

Your brows furrow. "Why? Did something happen?"

He runs a hand through hair and sighs. "The choreo for drunk dazed is just really hard and we're all struggling to be synchronized. It just feels like everyone is blaming each other for it."

You frown and pull him against you so that his head is resting on your chest. "I'm sorry baby. But I'm sure you guys will figure it out, you always do. Maybe everyone was feeling extra crummy today."

"Maybe," he says while wrapping his arms around your waist. "I couldn't stop thinking about coming to see you all day. I think I'm addicted to you."

You giggle.

"Seriously though, what are you laced with? Meth? Crack?" he jokes and you ruffle his hair.

"I think about you all day too sweetheart." you kiss the top of his head.

He smiles and throws his leg on top of yours. "What'd you do today?"

"The usual. School. Work. And dealing with that one bitch who always has the most complicated drink order." you roll your eyes.

"Is that the lady who asks for like twelve different syrups?" he chuckles.

"Yeah, I think it's for her kid too, I should call CPS." you joke and he laughs.

"Ugh, now I can't stop thinking about what happened today." he groans. "I hate being angry, I wish we could all get over this already."

"Sometimes it's worse to just move on, you should clear the air first." you suggest.

"But apologizing sucks." he complains.

"I know but it'll be worth it." you rub his back.

"I need something that will get my mind off of it." he says.

"You got any ideas?"

"Mhm," he says while pushing his hand up your shirt.

You chuckle. "Of course that's what it is."

"What," he says sheepishly. "It's your fault for being so tempting."

You push him onto his back and climb into his lap. His hands immediately find your hips.

You kiss him softly, your thumb gently swiping back and forth on his cheek.

He opens his mouth, inviting your tongue to meet his. He's already grinding up into you and this point.

You hold his hips down. "Patience."

He just whines and gives you puppy eyes, but you don't cave.

You slide your hand up his hoodie and glide your fingers along his warm skin. He feels so good under you, you’ll never be able to get enough of him.

You push his hoodie up and stick your head under, pecking all of the skin you can reach.

He laughs and pets your hair. “I thought you said to be patient.”

“You’re too good to resist.” you say while palming him through his sweats.

He whimpers as he starts to struggle under your touch.

You pull down the band of his sweats just the slightest bit to kiss his hip bone.

He watches you with wide eyes, anticipating your every move.

“If you want me to do something you’re gonna have to ask.” you tease.

“Touch me please,” he says without hesitation.

You smirk before coming up to kiss him while sliding your hand into his Calvins.

He whines into your mouth and you smile, loving how quickly he submits to you.

“I’m sorry my angel had a bad day,” you kiss his jaw. “I’ll make you feel better okay?”

He nods eagerly as you tug his pants down. You waste no time getting your mouth on his cock.

He hisses and grips at the duvet. “Fuck,” he exhales.

You pull away and let spit drip from your tongue down to his tip and it’s so hot that Jake’s tempted to take a picture.

You take him into the back of your throat and his head falls back with a moan. You can see his Adam’s apple dip every time he swallows.

You continue to bob your head up and down and he moves to pet your hair.

“Please don’t stop,” he begs, his desperation sending heat straight between your legs.

“Fuck you’re so good.” his hips buck up and you hold him down. You brace yourself and deepthroat him, you can feel your eyes watering.

He moans and grabs at the headboard behind him. “Can I cum please? Please I need it.” he says hopelessly.

You nod and it only takes one swallow around his tip to get him whimpering and trembling under you.

You swallow his seed while he comes down from his high.

“Thank you,” he exhales before pulling you up for a kiss. “I love you.”

You smile. “I love you too baby.”

“Can you fuck me please?” he hooks his fingers into the band of your shorts and underwear.

You smirk and help him out, throwing your garments onto the floor. He pulls you into his lap and tugs your hoodie over your head.

“So pretty,” he says before kissing your chest, running his tongue over your sensitive nipples. You moan and comb your hands through his hair.

His fingers travel down to your desperate cunt to draw circles on your clit.

You grab his cock, not being able to hold out anymore. You line yourself up with him before slowly sinking down.

He buries his head into your neck. “Fucking god,” he groans. “So wet.”

Your head falls back as he hits your sweet spot.

“You feel so good,” he whimpers.

“Yeah?” you ask cockily.

He looks up at you with sparkling eyes and nods.

“My pretty puppy,” you coo while bouncing up and down on him. “Taking this pussy like a good boy.”

His head falls back down onto your shoulder but you tug his hair, getting his eyes on you.

“Look at me when I fuck you.” you say and he whimpers.

“I’m sorry,” he says sweetly and you kiss him.

He reaches down to play with your clit while you rock your hips against his.

You run your hands softly over his shoulders then down his lean torso. You watch his face and the way the corners of his lips perk up every now and then. He’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.

His eyes were clouded and completely taken over by your presence and he looks so pretty you could die.

He holds your waist tight while moaning and whimpering mindlessly, not caring if your neighbors can hear.

His whines begin to get more frantic and you kiss his forehead. “You close?”

“Mhm,” he says. You can tell that he’s trying not to finish. “I don’t think I can hold it anymore.”

"You can go a little longer." you tease.

He shakes his head. "I can't I can't. You feel too good."

You squeeze around him just to have fun and he whimpers, looking at you with desperation in his eyes.

"Please y/n." you can see that he's starting to tear up.

Your hand comes up to tug on his hair. “Cum for me then, be good, puppy.”

“Harder.” he begs and you obey.

His head snaps back and his lips part, letting out the most alluring sounds you could ever hear.

Your bouncing turns into grinding as he releases into you.

“Good boy,” you whisper to him as he relaxes.

He kisses your neck while slumping into you.

You smile. “You did so good baby.”

“Thank you,” he says.

You’re about to get up when he grabs you and pulls you so that your back is against his chest.

“What’s going on?” you ask.

“You didn’t cum,” he says before pushing one finger into you. You moan, still sensitive from the stimulation you had a moment ago.

He drapes your legs over his, spreading you wide.

“All I wanna do is make you feel good.” he says while pushing a second finger in.

Your head falls back onto his shoulder and he takes that opportunity to kiss your neck. He curls his fingers just the slightest bit and your hips buck.

“Fuck,” you moan.

His fingers reach deeper than yours ever could. They make you feel things that you’ve never felt before.

You look down to watch his dripping fingers disappear in and out of your cunt.

It’s not long before your thighs begin to tremble. You guys have been together to the point where he knows every trick that makes your eyes roll back and your back arch, but every time he uses them, it just gets better and better.

“Please cum for me,” Jake uses his free hand to massage your chest. “I wanna be good for you.”

Your hips begin to pull away but he’s quick to pull you against him.

Your moans get more and more desperate as you reach your high. Then finally, you’re falling into an abyss of euphoria.

He peppers kisses all over you as you calm down, his fingers still slowly pumping in and out of you.

You turn around to straddle him and give him a kiss. “You’re so good.” you say.

He blushes like a schoolgirl and kisses your cheek. “I love you.”

You chuckle. It’s cute how often he likes to say it. “I love you too puppy.”

“Am I really that much like a puppy?” he says. “Don’t I look cooler now with my black hair?”

“I suppose,” you ruffle it. “You’re still a cutie to me.” You’re kidding, you know that he’s stupid hot.

He sighs and rolls his eyes.

You giggle. “Why? Do you wanna be bad?” “Mhm.” he nods.

“Maybe I can treat you like you are.” you push him into his back for another round.

[sitp-recs]

My top ten twenty thirty favorite reads of 2020

Happy New Year! I’ve never read as much as I did in 2020 so yes, here’s another totally biased reclist catered to my very personal needs but hey, maybe I’ll find some taste twins around to celebrate with me🥂

Drarry:

1. 9 ½ Days by @magpiefngrl (Explicit, WIP)

Drarry on the run! I hopelessly crave good war fics and this has been an amazing ride so far. I love the tense, dangerous atmosphere and the organic slow burn feat. safe houses, domestic bliss and life-affirming fumbling in the dark.

2. A Pain of Our Choosing by @lqtraintracks (Explicit, 6k)

Peak LQT geniality under 10k, this is one of the best 8th year fics I’ve read recently, with soft broken boys healing together and hot fucked up smut as a bonus. Cathartic and nuanced with a lovely hopeful ending.

3. Between Myth and Men by @slytherco (Explicit, 16k)

A creative and contemplative fic that packs so much under 16k. Gorgeous redemption arc based on a brilliant Veritaserum concept with its implications and complications. Quietly devastating, soft, evocative, and it hurts so good. Get your tissues box ready!

4. Born Slippy by @dracoladon (Explicit, 8k)

The best clubbing fic ever. I have never read Drarry like this: their drunk voices are smooth, hilarious, quick-witted, and I wanna live inside the superior sexual tension. Excellent build up, even more excellent payoff with hot panty kink. Just thinking about it makes me salivate

5. Can’t Fight the Moonlight by sunsetmog (Mature, 16k)

Whenever you feel like reading Mpreg, this is THE fic. Absolutely heartbreaking but in a gentle way? I love these complex characters, the light-hearted dialogue and the way this story captures a disorienting but realistic mix of wonder and terror about parenthood (she says, without having ever experienced it 😂).

6. Clouds That Veil the Midnight Moon by @drarrytrash (Explicit, 36k)

The best case fic I’ve read this year, so fun and charming. I’m soft for the Drarry dynamics, the tentative slow burn, the easy banter, the gentle yearning. Kudos to a perfect Ron, great OCs and an intriguing plot. The atmosphere and characters are so addictive you’ll never want this fic to end.

7. Criminal by @the-sinking-ship (Explicit, 83k)

A rich and delightful ride with A+ character development and the sexiest slow burn, feat house hunting and drunk singing Take on Me. Get your heart ready to see a posh, snarky yet hopelessly smitten Draco transforming Harry’s lonely life into something colorful and full of hope. Gorgeous characterization and delicious smut as a bonus 👏🏻

8. Far From The Tree by aideomai (Explicit, 112k)

Showstopper fic. A power combo of unique plot and aideomai’s devastating writing, this fic is a triumph, and it aches so good. I’m still hungover over the gourmet world building, the fascinating love story and the sexiest teenage smut ever written - I’ll be forever thinking of this ride and all those stunning RoR scenes...

9. In the Dark by @bixgirl1 (Explicit, WIP)

There’s no fic like this one. I still remember my jaw dropping seeing the raw and depressing apocalyptic world Bix creates here - the tense and urgent atmosphere, the angsty comfort sex, the brilliant Hermione-Narcissa subplot! I’ve declared this fic one of my all-time faves since ch 1, I don’t care if it’s still in progress 🤷🏻‍♀️

10. Inside Your Mind by @lazywonderlvnd (Explicit, 36k)

A gorgeous and introspective 8th year love story following the post-war melancholy. This is not only an amazing character study on both Harry and Draco, it also explores nuanced D/s dynamics and shines light on Goyle’s character in a refreshing and heartfelt way.

11. Kinktober 2020 series by @bonesliketambourines (Explicit, 85k)

The ultimate gourmet selection of porn with feels, providing top notch wanking material fabulous character studies and nice twists on both popular and not-so-popular smut tropes. Hot, creative and satisfying new takes packing lots of backstory and emotion! All this written in one month, wtf 👏🏻

12. Life goes not backward by @shealwaysreads (Teen and Up, 9k)

Surprising no one I can’t worship my favorite comfort fic enough; this is the softest, gentlest take on the found family trope you’ll ever see, healing food for the heart and soul. Evocative writing and an unexpected yet wholesome ending full of warmth and hope.

13. Modern Love by @tackytigerfic (Explicit, 61k)

My favorite read this year, a master class in slow burn with Muggle Draco and a brilliant Harry POV full of heart and yearning, that will take your breath away. Come and feast on the softest pining and a wholesome get together (with religious smut, I kid you not!). A Tacky’s love letter to Drarry.

14. My Hands Are Of Your Colour by @ohdrarry (Explicit, 8k)

This fic was written for my (first ever) prompt for Sudsfest and it felt like the author gazed right into my soul. The dark atmosphere, the carefully crafted backstory, the cathartic and sensual comfort sex! This is a mature, elegant and evocative hitmen love story.

15. Nice Things by aideomai (Mature, 22k)

We’ve been blessed by aideomai in 2020. This poignant 8th year tale is one of my all-time favorite reads, quiet, bittersweet and so gently cathartic. Love to see everyone bonding and healing at the gatehouse, the soft domesticity and the aching and inevitable Drarry romance. A powerful story, a gorgeous love story.

16. Teeth by @amelior8or (Explicit, 6k)

I’ve reread this fic so many times and it never fails to take my breath away. So much emotion packed in just a few words! A delicious game of push and pull and scorching intense smut, with enthusiastic consent and gut-punching lines that go from rough to tender in a second and hit my heart real sweet.

17. The Courting by the Pureblood Who Only Has Five Milligrams of Romantic Intelligence and Thinks He’s Real Smooth by @cibeewastaken (Teen and Up, 19k)

This delightful courting story made my heart swell in a way I didn’t think was possible, with a precious devoted Draco gently pining over his oblivious “beloved”. The traditional ritual is so creative and full of heart I can’t even think about it without smiling. A perfect comfort fic, warm, hilarious and genuinely sweet.

18. The Thrill of the Chase Moves in Mysterious Ways by @veelawings (Explicit, 32k)

I am so utterly charmed by this incredibly fun, engaging and creative case fic - Noella did a fantastic job recreating Ms. Fisher’s 20s vibes and the Drarry dynamics are such a treat, sexy, snarky with delicious pining. Shout-out to the fabulous ass play in ch 2 as well 😳

19. (Un)wanted by @aibidil (Explicit, 36k)

One of the most interesting and heartbreaking portrayals of Harry’s generation post-war, an honest and melancholic story with a sensitive approach to Harry’s trauma. All characters are wonderfully complex and come together while exploring the Muggle world, which filled my heart with soft nostalgia.

20. Vortex by @xanthippe74 (Teen and Up, 20k)

My very favorite soulmate story, it gives Draco a wholesome redemption arc and a chance of finally being happy after finding his place in the post-war reality. The slow burn is organic, gentle and aching, with a super interesting subplot on social politics.

Other ships under the cut:

1. A Fine Foray into Fashionable Fellatio by @wellhalesbells (Draco/Ron, Explicit, 31k)

This fic is a triumph and simply the best Dron I’ve ever read, full of heart and character. Their voices and dynamics are unbelievably spot on and the slow burn is charming, witty, scorching hot and delightfully domestic! Brilliant fic. Do not read if you’re not ready to fall into this ship.

2. Beneath a Foreign Moon by @lqtraintracks (Harry/Teddy, Explicit, 2.7k)

A quiet and fascinating shortfic exploring the student/professor taboo alongside the age gap. I’m completely obsessed with this darker take on Harry, on how he unapologetically takes what Teddy so willingly gives. A brilliant study on power dynamics and delicious smut as per LQT’s usual brand.

3. Best Man by Farbautidottir (Harry/Scorpius, Explicit, 13k)

Such a charming fic, one of the most romantic takes I’ve seen on this pairing! I love the idea of Harry and Scorp falling in love while getting things ready for Albus’ big day. The slow burn is gentle and the wedding scene is so so great - it filled me with longing and nostalgia.

4. Black Forest by bigblackdog, @ruinsplume (Harry/Sirius/Remus, Explicit, 12k)

Once again they blow my mind with a luscious and devastating approach to this triad. Harry’s POV makes my heart ache - the sexual tension is exquisite and shows how far his childhood trauma goes, and how only Sirius and Remus can give him the comfort of feeling wanted and loved. Genius and breathtaking.

5. Hopelessly Devoted To You by @writcraft (Harry/George, Explicit, 10k)

I don’t usually see George in fic so this was the most wonderful treat! A gentle love story with them connecting over musicals, mourning Fred and finding each other along the way. I love how beautifully the dialogue flows and how comfortable they are with each other.

6. In My Mind, Body and Soul by tamlane (Lily Luna/Michael Corner, Explicit, 5k)

Despite loving age gap ships, I don’t think I’d ever read this ship if it wasn’t for the intriguing concept and fabulous writing. The characters dynamics are so gripping and the atmosphere is sensual, tense and unpredictable. Not even a kiss, yet this had me shaking in anticipation.

7. Pansy, Rows, and Mutual Wanking by @violetclarity (Pansy/Hermione, Explicit, 27k)

This was my first Pansmione fic ever, and it got me completely sold on this ship. A fantastic slow burn with brilliant character development and super hot smut. Hermione’s arc is one of the best I’ve ever seen, her self-discovery journey painfully earned and moving.

8. Rebel Rebel by @teacup-tai (Sirius/Remus, Explicit, 6k)

For someone who’s not particularly into this ship, Tai got me wrapped around her finger. Sirius’ POV is gorgeous and his journey back to Remus gave me major Little Compton Street feels (a major influence here). A magical and engaging read, full of joyful wonder for life.

9. testosterone (sounds like a spell) by pauraque (Hannah/Justin, Explicit, 8k)

I don’t think I’d ever read this ship if not by this author and I’m glad I did because this gave me goosebumps. Connecting with the characters was so easy - I fell in love with trans Justin, his journey and his lasting friendship with Hannah. Bonus points for the scorching hot yet delicate smut, honest and full of understanding.

10. Where Silence Has Come to Lick Its Wounds by @p1013 (Harry/Ron/Hermione, Explicit, 2.6k)

All hail the threesome queen @p1013. This fic blew up my mind and made me fall in love with this Triad. It has a gentle, intimate atmosphere and gives off the perfect “comfort sex” vibes, soft, safe and familiar. Absolutely stunning.

[noyaism]

Own It

Pairing: SunaxFem!Reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: car sex, drug usage (weed), degrading, orgasm denial, creampie, choking, spit play, sir!suna, power dynamics, spanking, praising, and a touch of size kink (lmk if i missed any warnings!)

Song Inspo: Own It - Drake

Ever since your first year of high school, the very first day when you met Suna Rintarou for the first time, you found yourself hopelessly crushing. You couldn't tell if it was his stoic look, the vibe he gave off, the intelligence under it all, but whatever it may have been, Suna peaked your interest in every way possible. This caused you to almost instantly befriend him. He was a bit of a tough nut to crack at the beginning of your friendship, but he eventually let you in and let you get close, and as that happened your feelings for him only grew stronger. 

And now here you were, in your first year of college. The feelings you had for him were the same as they had been for years now, not diminished in the slightest. Your friendship with him had become so important to you, though. He was a vital part in your life, and you had to learn to cope with the fact that telling him how you truly felt might ruin the way things were. That was a possibility you couldn't even begin to fathom, and so even though it almost killed you to do, you tried your best to keep those feelings at bay.

Even with your barred feelings, you still did everything with Suna, trying your best never to make your true feelings known. One thing the two of you had recently got into, after a party you were invited to and forcibly made him accompany you to, was smoking. You knew people who did it in high school, but it was never really your scene. You knew Suna had done it a couple times before going to the party, but that night he finally convinced you to try it, and ever since then you two smoked together almost on the daily.

It was a night as normal as any other one. Suna had texted you, asking if you wanted to go smoke. That question was a no brainer, as it always was, and he picked you up fairly soon after. You drove to your usual spot, the picnic area of a park that wasn't too far away from campus. It was usually emptied out by eleven, a couple stragglers stargazing was the most you ever saw. Tonight was about the norm, Suna’s car being the only one in the parking lot, you two the only ones around.

“Let me try rolling it.” You offered as Suna pulled a rolling tray out of the glove compartment, and the weed out of his jacket pocket. 

“You sucked last time you tried to roll. Sure you're ready to try again?” You stuck your tongue out at Suna, shaking your head lightly at the dig.

“I’ll never get better if I don't practice. Hand it over.” It was a fair enough assertion, thus Suna handed you the rolling tray, with both the bag of bud, a grinder and a pack of wraps on it. Admittedly, you weren't the best at rolling. Someone else had always done it for you, either that or you were smoking off carts, so it was never a skill you had really developed. It wasn't until recently that you had started to roll yourself, and it was definitely a bit harder than it looked. 

“Now see, this one is much better.” You said as you dried the blunt off, running a lighter over it to seal it all up. Suna chuckled lightly, nodding his head as he admired your work.

“Yeah, it looks pretty good, I gotta hand it to you.” You let out a satisfied chuckle and got into the back of the car, settling comfortably in the backseat and patting the space next to you.

“Cmon, I can and will smoke this thing alone if you don't get back here.” You jokingly threatened. Suna nodded, quickly grabbing his phone and putting some music on shuffle before joining you in the back. 

A white cloud of smoke filled the car, hazing your sight just enough for Suna, who sat beside you, to be just a bit more blurry than he should be. As he took the last couple hits the blunt had left he cracked the window open a bit, discarding it onto the cement below and rolling the window back up so too much of the smoke didn’t escape. You laid your head on his shoulder, breathing in the familiar smell of cannabis and letting your breathing level out as the high started to set into your body. As per usual, the weed mellowed you out, allowing you to just relax with him. The silence from the lack of conversation was easily filled by the music that played from the speakers, F**k the World by Brent Faiyaz reverberating through the vehicle. Suna hummed lightly along to the song, and you shut your eyes and simply listened to him. 

It was times like this that you wished you had the guts to tell Suna how you felt about him, but once again you thought it best not to. Maybe it was how stoic he was; even though you were definitely the closest person in the world to him, and you probably understood his emotions the best, there was still no way for you to read if these feelings were at all reciprocated. It was the same things you found so attractive about him that also terrified you to open up. You didn’t want to read into the way he treated you, as you thought that was only setting yourself up to be disappointed, and so you simply wallowed in the feeling of a love so painfully unrequited that you were addicted to how bad it felt. 

“Are you okay, y/n?” He asked, noticing your expression was a bit off, which you hadn’t previously noticed. You nodded your head quickly, picking it up off his shoulder and looking over towards him.

“Yeah, yeah I’m chill. Mind kinda started to wander, is all.”

“Off to where?” 

“It’s nothing.” You quickly objected, shaking your head a bit frantically.

“It’s obviously something, just tell me.” You sighed lightly, knowing very well Suna wasn’t going to drop the topic until he knew what was bothering you. He cared way too much about how you felt to just let something like that go. You knew you had to just swallow your pride and tell him, but you couldn’t get the words out. The pure thought of saying you liked him made your throat feel like it was closing up. So, logically, there was only one way for you to get your point across.

Thus, you kissed him.

It wasn’t a long kiss, frankly because your cheeks got so hot you thought your head might just explode, but it was enough for Suna to understand what exactly it was you were trying to say. As you pulled away the gravity of what it was you actually did hit you, and you hid your face in your hands, shaking your head a bit.

“I’m so sorry, Suna. I didn’t mean to...well I did, but I just don’t want the fact that I like you to make things different between us.” Before he responded Suna took hold of your chin between his fingers, pulling your face up and out of hiding so you were now looking directly at him. 

“You’re an idiot. A pretty one, but an idiot nonetheless.”

Before you could ask what he meant his lips were on yours once again, but this kiss felt so much different than the first one. This one had passion behind it, passion that you didn’t know Suna even had for you. Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in closer so you could kiss him deeper. He pulled you onto his lap, hands firmly gripping your ass. 

As the music changed you began to move your hips to the rhythm, I Don’t Think You’re Ready by Tank bumping through the speakers. It was a pretty fitting song for the current situation, as you were simultaneously so ready for what might happen with Suna, and yet you hadn't a single clue if you were ready to take it all. 

Your hands snaked up into his hair, tugging softly on the brown strands as the kiss began to get even more heated. It didn't help that it was already pretty hot in the car, but this offered you the perfect opportunity to not only undress yourself, but Suna as well. You pulled your shirt up and off of you, letting it fall to the floor without much regard for where it was going. His jacket and shirt joined the growing pile, and in an instant your lips were reconnected. Kissing him was addicting, even better than what you had imagined it might've been like. 

You whined a bit as he pulled away, a pout coming over your lips.

“I’m guessing by that look you're okay with going further with this.” You nodded your head, leaning forward and kissing him softly.

“I’m all yours, Suna.”

“That's what I like to hear.”

Now that he had permission to continue, Suna was more than ready to get into it. Just as much as you fantasized what it would be like to be intimate with him, he thought the very same about you, and wanted to make some of his fantasies a reality. He reached behind you and swiftly unclasped your bra, lips latching onto your nipple as you discarded it. He rolled the opposite bud between his fingers, and your hips continued to grind into his. He kissed all over the skin of your breasts, a sweet gesture in comparison to his next moves. 

With one fluid motion your back was now clad to the backseat, and Suna hovered above you. The silver chain he wore around his neck dangled down into your face, enhancing the pure sight of him. Not even Michaelangelo himself could’ve carved a face and physique as near perfection as Suna’s, and the fact only your eyes got to feast upon the sight made it all the more attractive. He pulled your leggings off of you, your panties going with them. The feeling of being so bare in front of him was an interesting one. You would’ve expected that you were going to be more shy, more nervous about it, but it felt so right that you couldn’t have possibly felt that way. Suna bit his bottom lip as he looked down on you, admiring the sight of your nude body in front of him for what would be the first of many times.

“You’re fucking gorgeous, you know that?” He questioned before going down on you. While he wasn’t the biggest fan of his car, insisting it was a soccer mom car with way too much space than he would ever need, it seemed that the space was finally going to actually come in handy. You quite comfortably were laid out while he still had plenty of space to be between your legs. He placed soft, slow kisses on your inner thigh, each kiss heightening your need for him. By how wet you were it was obvious you were ready for him, and he wasted no time giving you what you wanted.

His lips latched onto your clit, sucking softly before he began licking long stripes between your folds. Chills ran down your spine, and moans started to slip from your mouth aimlessly. Suna’s tongue flicked over your clit, making you feel pleasure previously unbeknownst to you. Sure, guys had given you head before, and sure, it felt okay, but nobody had ever come close to being this good. It felt absolutely unreal, and the extent of your pleasure was potent in the way you said his name. Over and over again; Suna, Suna, Suna. Like a prayer desperate to be heard. And he loved hearing it, too. It was all he needed to know how good he was making you feel.

Your hips bucked toward his mouth as you began to chase your orgasm, the heat pooling in your core becoming hotter and hotter. You needed to cum and you needed it bad, and you needed him to give it to you. Suna slipped a finger into you, the second coming in quick succession. His mouth parted with you and his thumb began circling your most sensitive bud, so he could come up and loom over you.

“Feels good, doesn't it?” He asked, with a shit-eating grin on his face. He couldn't shake just how pretty he thought you looked like this, all desperate for him to please you. You nodded your head frantically, looking up at him with pure lust in your eyes.

“Ple-please make me cum, Suna.” You begged, much to his liking. He leaned down and kissed you gently, that same grin on his face as he pulled away. 

“Of course, baby. I’ll make you cum,” He prefaced before quickly removing his fingers from you, leaving you empty and with a ruined orgasm. You whined in frustration, confused as to why this was his course of action.

“But you’re gonna cum on my cock. Got it?” You nodded your head as Suna moved to take off his pants, finally letting his hardened erection spring free. You weren't sure what you had expected him to be packing, but the mere girth of him surpassed whatever you would've thought you were getting from him.

“Yes, sir.” You replied, causing Suna to chuckle lightly. He guided the tip of his member between your folds, lubing up with all the wetness that was already present. It was such a sight for him, one he had been wanting to entreat upon for a long, long time now. 

“That’s my good girl.” He praised before slowly starting to push into you. He took his time, not wanting to hurt you, but he had to admit the way you were clenching around him already was enough to drive him mad. He bottomed out soon enough, and you took him to the hilt. It felt so unbelievably good, and you gave him the okay to start moving. Suna kept his hands on your hips, keeping you steady as he began thrusting. Your eyes rolled back and your back arched, your body overwhelmed with pleasure. 

Your brain was kind of scrambled, hazy from how sensitive you were due to your previously denied orgasm, in conjunction with the high you were still on, but you could make out the song that had started to play. Own It by Drake, again, a pretty fitting song for the moment.

You’re still the one that I adore, ain’t much out there to have feelings for…

Both you and Suna had your passions, the things and people you cared about, but those lists were incredibly limited. There just wasn’t a lot that truly excited you. However, there had always been something that made you gravitate towards each other, something that made you need to be around each other, that caused you to be instrumental in each other's lives. Even if you wouldn't outwardly admit it, you adored each other.

Next time we fuck, I don’t wanna fuck, I wanna make love… 

But this time, you two were simply fucking. There was nothing more to it. It was raunchy, it was dirty, and little did you know, the fun was only just beginning for the both of you.

Suna kept his thrusts a bit on the slower side, much more concerned with how deep he was hitting than how fast he was going. It drove you absolutely wild, feeling every inch of him each time he moved. It was almost too much for you, your walls tightening around him more and more with even the slightest of moves he made.

“God damn, this slutty little cunt just can’t get enough of me, huh?” These words caught you completely off guard, you just wouldn’t expect Suna to say something so utterly vulgar, but admittedly, it turned you on way more than it probably should’ve. You shook your head lightly, looking him in the eyes, your gaze spilling over with desperation.

“N-need more.” You begged, much to Suna’s satisfaction. He smirked down at you, letting his right hand snake up your body and wrap around your throat while the left kept you firmly in place, with the entirety of his cock filling you up. 

“Cmon baby, you got better manners than that, don't you?” His tone was so divinely condescending, not really asking if you knew better, but insinuating you needed to. You were in no position to be anything but obedient, nor did your intentions differ. You wanted everything he had and were willing to do whatever it took to get it.

“Please, sir. I need more, I need it so bad.” You repeated, sounding even more desperate than you did before. By the look in his eyes you knew this was enough for Suna, who slowly pulled out of you. 

“Open your mouth.” He instructed, to which you immediately obeyed. He spat into your mouth, which you more than willingly accepted, a small smirk curling the corner of your lips as you swallowed. You were letting Suna know that he was in charge, and that you were there for him to use, his toy. He easily got the message, letting out a chuckle as he released his grip on your throat.

“Nasty little bitch.” 

Suna quickly turned you over onto your stomach, your face now pushed against the cold leather of the seats. His re-entry was quick, a soft squelch being heard as your walls greedily pulled his length right back in, giving you that oh-so euphoric feeling of being full once again. You moaned out loudly, a small yelp following at the unexpected spank he rained down on your ass. It was the first of many, while Suna simply enjoyed how you squirmed on him with each hit. 

After a fairly decent amount of spanking, enough to leave a deliciously painful sting on your skin, he started to fuck into you again. Suna’s slow strokes certainly weren't gentle, each seeming to hit deeper than the last, but this quickened pace turned that feeling up to a ten. Your mouth hung open as you took it all, moans and whines spilling out carelessly. Suna kept one hand firmly pressed onto the window for leverage, the other gripped hard on your waist, certainly enough to leave a light bruise. The sound of skin slapping with each of his thrusts rang through your head, and his grunts added atop that easily drowned out whatever music was playing. You much preferred this song, anyway.

“C’mere, ride me like the good little slut you are.” You didn't need to be told twice, as Suna pulled out and sat himself down you got yourself up and straddled him. You lined his tip up with your entrance, not lowering down onto him just yet, egging him on just to see how he would react. Fitting to what you expected, he grabbed onto your hips and forced you down, a surprised moan coming from you as your head fell onto his shoulder. 

“No no no, you don't get to tease me, whore. When I tell you to do something, you do it. Got it?” You nodded your head, letting out a small ‘yes sir’ in reply, too breathless to speak above a whisper. Suna’s hands gripped onto your ass as you started to ride him, bouncing on his length, circling your hips a bit every time you came down. 

Holding your orgasm back for this long was way more taxing than you would've thought it would be, your legs were shaking and your walls spasmed sporadically, desperate to finally get some relief. A pit of heat once again started to billow in your core, and you prayed you would finally get to cum.

“S-sir please, I need to cum...fuck, please let me cum.” The utter anguish in your voice did so much for Suna, knowing how much control he had over you and your pleasure turned him on more than anything else. He owned you, and he owned your orgasm, and you were both well aware of it. He was incredibly close himself, evident by how he started to pound up into you, matching the pace you had set. 

“Cum for me.” 

And you did. Almost instantly your high washed over you. You let out a moan that bordered on a scream as your juices spilled all over Suna’s dick. The spasms of your walls around his length made Suna cum as well, depositing a load out into you. For a while you two were fairly quiet, both catching your breath from what was undoubtedly the best orgasm either of you had had up until that point. 

You slowly got up and off of him, soreness almost immediately setting in now that you were empty. Suna ran a hand through his hair, fixing it up a bit before looking over at you. He motioned to his cock, a bit of a smirk still present on his lips. 

“Clean up your mess, baby.” You nodded at your instructions before leaning down, taking Suna’s length into your mouth. You licked up every last drop of both you and him, leaving nothing to waste. Once finished you popped your head up, wiping the corner of your mouth. Suna pulled you up and kissed you, placing a peck on your forehead as he pulled away. 

“So, you like me too?” You asked with a small smile. The answer to the question was more than blatantly obvious, but you still wanted to actually hear him say it.

“Of course I do, y/n. Everyone seemed to know but you, anyway.”

“And who is ‘everyone’, exactly?”

“Kita, Aran, the twins, you name it. Atsumu still won’t stop teasing me about not asking you out. Texts me every single day asking if we’re together yet.” 

With that in mind you picked up the shirt Suna had taken off, pulling it over your head before reaching up into the front cupholders to get your phone. He redressed himself fairly quickly, leaving a bit of his jacket unzipped at the top. You unlocked the device and started a Facetime with Atsumu, drumming your fingers on your thigh as you waited for an answer, making sure only you were in the frame.

“Hey! What’s up y/n, long time no see.” Atsumu greeted, giving you a smile and a wave. He was sat on his couch, a plate of sushi and a can of beer visible on the table where he had set his phone up.

“Yeah, it’s been a while. I was just calling to tell you he finally did it.” Atsumu looked at you a bit confused at first, but as you moved to get Suna in the frame as well it immediately clicked.

“Holy shit, thank god. I was getting tired of waiting, I was going to do it for him soon.” You let out a small chuckle, happy to see Atsumu was as bright as ever in his humor.

“Wait, hold on. Are you wearing his shirt? Did you guys fu-” Before he could finish the question Suna ended the call, shaking his head lightly.

“Yeah, I’m never gonna hear the end of that one.”

[lost-khione]

Ugly Insecurities

Aki x OC (Sae), School AU, Platonic

[Edited: I didn't think of putting a note that this is a platonic relationship]

I have a new OC!

And as usual I don't have a physical description for her but I'll write about her :3

So I have Cel who's hopelessly in love with Gin, and now I have Sae who very much relates to Aki. Sidenote: these OCs are fictional versions of my friends that I imagined.

To my friend, Sae, I hope I managed to write it to your liking ( 〃▽〃)

Summary: Aki is this smart kid at school. Sae is just your average girl. The two of them have been friends for a long time but Sae feels insecure about Aki.

Word count: 2716 words

-----------

I can feel the spring in my step as I walk towards my classroom. I’m excited to meet Aki today! I managed to unlock new achievements last night. I don’t even care about the bags under my eyes. I did stay up pretty late last night playing that online game that’s got me addicted these days. 

It has already been a month since I started playing this game and I’ve been telling Aki about my progress since then. He doesn’t play the game but he listens to me attentively. He might look like he doesn’t give a damn but the comments he gives gives away how much he takes note of every detail I say.

I feel my steps slow down as I remembered what I wanted to talk to Aki about aside from that new unlocked task. My palm starts to sweat. I reached the point in the game that requires me to finish a task with a partner. I tried to find someone interested to play with me on the online community but alas, it seems that the universe wanted me to sleep already.

I’m not that good at talking to strangers online anyway. This game’s not even popular at school so I don’t even know anyone who plays it. The question that’s on repeat in my head is how I could convince Aki to play with me.

It’s lunchtime. Aki and I always eat lunch together despite being in different classes. It’s pretty surprising that he still hangs out with me despite grumbling that he only does so just because our family are friends. We used to live pretty close to each other until they moved to the next town. Still, we go to the same high school. I found him sitting on the grass of the school garden. We usually sit on the grass on sunny days and today is one of those days.

I sit across from him and we start eating eventually. I am hyper aware of the sound of our utensils as we eat. Aki was the one who broke the silence first.

“Well, aren’t you quiet today. Won’t you tell me about that game you’re playing today?” Aki asks in his usual sarcastic tone.

I visibly gulp what I am chewing and try to stammer out something, “Ummm.. You know..”

“What happened? Just spit it out. After bugging me to listen to you every day, I don’t think now’s the time to feel embarrassed about it.”

I steel my nerves and explain slowly, “Actually, I unlocked a new achievement last night.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Oh? And what did you unlock now?”

“I achieved level 50 and now I have access to cooperative tasks.”

“I see. Don’t tell me you’re gonna ask me to play so you have a buddy for these ‘cooperative tasks’?”

I sigh in relief at having been unburdened of the need to ask him since he figured it out himself. “You’re a genius! You always know what I had in mind.”

He sighs audibly at my reaction and says, “I told you before that I don’t have to be a genius to figure you out. Your face says it all. You’re just too easy to read.”

“Ehhhhh. But I think you’re a genius for knowing me best.” I grin at him and he looks really annoyed. “And even if you might not be able to understand me that easily, you’re still a genius. You always get top marks and all that.”

“Flattering me won’t mean I’ll play with you. And as I’ve also told you before, you don’t have to be impressed by my top marks. Anybody can do that if they study hard enough.”

My hand stops short of putting the spoon in my mouth and I let myself whisper, “But I still can’t do it even if I try.”

“What did you say?” His words snap me back to reality.

Did he hear what I said…? I think to myself.

“I said, you can request one thing from me if you play with me!”

Oops. It is not my intention to raise my voice at him like that. I add to diffuse the tension, “You can at least play with me until I found someone willing to co-op. You know I kinda suck at talking to people online. And I’m serious about granting you one request.”

“Fine, stop giving me that face. Give me time to think over what I’ll ask of you.”

“Just let me know whenever. And it should be within my abilities at least”

“Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to buy me anything,” he says teasingly.

As we pack up our lunchboxes and get ready to go back, I remember something important.

“Aki, tell me when you’re free so I can at least teach you the ropes.”

He stops to think for a moment and responds, “Let’s do it this weekend.”

“Got it! I’m looking forward to it!”

—

Weekend. We met up on the game platform. Obviously, he is still level 1. He is slowly getting the hang of it.

Pfffftt, I can’t help finding it funny that he stumbled over a tiny enemy. I quickly put a hand over my mouth.

“What? You sound like you wanted to say something.”

His voice sounds clear on the headset I’m wearing.

“Nothing. Did you get it?”

“My weapon accuracy is bad.”

God, he’s so cute. I can imagine him pouting. He’s such a perfectionist. It’s rare for me to find something that I’m actually better at than him.

“Well, yeah. It starts out like that but if you level up and level your weapon, it would get better,” I say as I used my weapon to hit our target. “Why do I feel like I’ll find a co-op task partner sooner than you could reach level 50?” I tease him.

“I’m still warming up. I’m a genius, aren’t I?”

“I thought you don’t like me calling you that.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t call myself that. Besides, I’m pretty sure you only said that to butter up to me.”

“When did I butter you up? You know how much I looked up to you.”

“Don’t sulk. I’ll catch up to your level soon. Just you wait.”

How did he know I’m sulking? Sometimes I hate how he sees through me even though he can’t really see me right now.

“Hey, how do you do this..?” His voice puts a halt to my swirling thoughts as he asks me about the things he doesn’t understand. We continue playing together as I explain how the game’s world works.

—

Two weeks later. He’s caught up to me. We already started doing those co-op tasks. But I feel cheated. 

How can he reach that level in two weeks when it took me a month? He really is a genius, huh.I guess it’s just the way of the world.

We finished eating without saying a word. We’re just sitting on the grass and I’m absently looking at the garden.

“Hey, you’re awfully quiet today. I thought you’d be really excited to unlock more tasks now that we started working on those low-level ones.”

I can feel him staring at me. I keep my eyes fixed at some middle distance.

“Hey, why do you look upset? I thought you wanted me to play with you.”

Why am I so pissed at him? 

He is right though. I’m the one who bugged him to play with me but now that he is I’m pissed.

“I think I’m jealous of you,” I say quietly, still not meeting his eyes. 

“Why?”

“To be honest, I thought you sucked when I was teaching you at first. But then you're suddenly so good after a while. I thought I found something that I’m better than you. You know, you’ve always been a genius in my eyes. But sometimes, like now, it bugs me.”

My voice was shaking a bit when I blurted out that last part. I can feel my eyes start to water.

“That you’re not like me?”

I look at him. Our eyes meet. I can’t help the single tear that is sliding down my cheek.

“You know what, Sae. You’re you and I’m me. You have your own strengths,” he says in a serious tone but I feel like it’s a vain attempt to comfort me.

I can’t stop myself anymore. I need to get these out of my chest. I breathe in in an attempt to steady myself and reply, “Sometimes, I really wonder why you still kept hanging out with me. I mean, you’re a top student. You’re good at almost everything. I’m just an average person. I even wonder if I deserve to be your friend, since you always say you only hang out with me just because of our close families.” I look down again to hide my tears. I don’t want to say all of these ugly thoughts in front of him, but I can’t seem to stop today. My tears started coming as I said my piece. I’m just sniveling in front of him now. 

I hear him heave a big sigh.

“Idiot.”

“Ouch! Why did you flick my forehead?” I look up at him with an accusing gaze, not minding my tear-streaked face anymore. He might have just called me an idiot but his voice sounded gentle with a hint of frustration. Knowing him, he didn’t mean that little insult he threw at me. But now that I’m looking at him, his eyes look like he’s hesitating to say something.

He sighs loudly. He moves closer and rubs my back as I touch my forehead. “I knew that you’ve always been insecure about being compared to me. You finally let it out.”

“Huh? You knew?” I can’t hide the surprise in my voice. I knew that he could read me but am I really being too obvious about that?

He takes out a handkerchief and offers it to me before he answers, “I told you before, didn’t I? Your face is easy to read. I hang out with you because I like your company. Why do you think I still keep hanging around you after all these years?”

He looks at me like he’s a bit hurt. Like he’s expecting me to know.

“H-how should I know? I thought you’re only doing that because you think of me as a family friend!”

He keeps rubbing my back just like how he comforted me when we were kids. My tears have already stopped. I think it was because of the shock of his confession.

He sighs again. “I wouldn’t even hang out with you if I don’t like you. Besides, I’m only good at that game because you kept on telling me stories about it before you asked me to play with you.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t you ‘huh’ me. Did you already forget how much you talked my ear off each day? I might have looked bad at first because I was unfamiliar with all the buttons and everything. Luckily, I have a good memory and slowly connected the things you’ve been telling me before to the actual game.”

“So you mean you actually liked hanging out with me? I thought you were always bored with me,” I reply in disbelief as I wipe my tears. I understand his point about how he quickly got used to the game but telling me that he liked my company is unexpected. I really thought that he’s just not that social and since we knew each other, he only tolerated me. And well, I’m not that social myself so we kinda just stuck with each other all this time.

“You’re still stuck at that, huh,” he says looking like he can’t believe that my stupid brain can’t accept it right away.

He sighs again. It seems like he’s been sighing too much because of our conversation.

It’s like a dam has burst as he explains himself in a slightly trembling voice. “Yes, I like hanging out with you. This is just my default face. My god, did we just meet today? I’ve always been like this. I always listen to you. You’re always bright and eager to try new things. And like I said, all those things you told me about the game before certainly helped.”

Now that I’m actually looking at him, I notice the dark bags under his eyes.

“What are you staring at? Is it that weird? I thought you knew me at least even that much. We’ve been friends for years.” 

He really looked hurt. He doesn’t seem to be bothered by my jealousy but more bothered that I thought he didn’t like me.

“I’m sorry for getting jealous. I didn’t know you thought of me that way.”

I hug him involuntarily and he stiffens. Uhh, this is awkward but it also feels comforting.

I sniff and he tries to pry me away with gentle hands. “Hey, let go of me, you’ll get your snot on me.”

“I’m also sorry for misunderstanding your intentions of hanging out with me. Now that I think about it, I think I went too far and let my emotions get the better of me. I know that even if you look cool and nonchalant, you still care about me.”

“Good. Because I am actually surprised that you looked so clueless earlier. It was like you’ve forgotten all these years that we’re together.” 

He looks relieved after having said that. It seems that he really is bothered when I said that about our friendship. I guess he has the right to look hurt after my accusation that he only stuck with me because of our families.

“Then, let me ask you another thing. Do you stay up late even after I log out to play?”

“What if I do? You were whining about wanting to go do those tasks weren’t you? I figured I had to level up as fast as I can.”

“So that’s it!” I finally connect the dots as to why he leveled up faster than my own progress. 

He always sounds defensive when he says something he doesn’t want me to know. He likes to keep stuff to himself which is why it’s hard for me to understand him at times. He still isn’t so honest, huh. But I guess I’m also the same for keeping those to myself all these years.

“Are you only understanding it now?”

“I’m sorry. I kinda just let loose all my insecurities about you just now.”

I feel ashamed of my earlier outburst. 

“There’s something you can do to make up for it,” he says and looks at me sincerely. Then, he adds, “Will it be okay?”

“Why are you still asking if it’s okay? Of course, it’s okay! I still owe you and you still haven’t told me what you want.”

“Can I come over sometime? Cook for me. You say that I’m always good at everything but aren’t you forgetting how bad I am at cooking? On the other hand, the food you cook at our home economics class is always the best. I really like your cooking.”

I feel my face heating up at the sudden praise. I clear my throat and ask, “Then what do you want me to cook?”

“I love your croquettes.”

I feel like his eyes are sparkling just imagining the croquettes which made me smile.

“That’s all? Oh, I know, I’ll cook you a feast! You can eat dinner with us on Friday. I’ll make sure to prepare your favorite foods and I’ll make you croquettes as you requested. You do know you’re still welcome at home even if we no longer live near each other. Mom and Dad ask about you sometimes.” 

“Do you feel better now? Don’t get jealous about me being a genius anymore. You’re you. Remember that.” He pats my head reassuringly.

I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I finally told him those pent up emotions that I’ve had all these years. I’ve always looked up at him, but like he said, maybe I should appreciate myself more.

“I’ll look forward to this Friday, then.”

I feel that his smile is as bright and as unburdened as mine. (^◡^ )

[1engele]

daybreak | sal fisher x fem!reader - 2. math

Previous | Next

[warnings: cursing, mention of smoking, mention of household abuse of a teenager]

"what a plot twist you were."

—

The next day, you'd wakened with dry lungs and an even drier mouth.

It was true that smoking was bad for you—but it hadn't been as horrible as you'd thought. You'd try it again, but you couldn't see yourself becoming addicted.

Your mother wasn't home, again. You were quick to understand that she worked longer shifts now and you wouldn't see her a whole lot.

Not like you cared. Michelle never really liked you all that well. You'd probably have been dumped on the street a long time ago had your father not legally obligated to pay child support.

You'd never known him. You weren't sure if you wanted to.

She doesn't use child support for your well-being. Probably uses it to continuously feed her crippling gambling addiction and buy more pointless flowers for the apartment.

You were nervous about today. You'd never been the new girl before—and you didn't know what to expect about these kids. You doubted they were as cool as people as Larry and Sal.

You showered and put on your boyfriend jeans—which had holes in the knees, but you couldn't bother to concern yourself whether or not that conflicted with the dress code or not— and your light grey hoodie. You added a flannel on top of that which was a little too big for you. Don't forget the white sneakers which you should probably replace.

You pocketed your flip phone and slung your bag over your shoulder. Stopping in front of the mirror, you passed a hand through your hair, decided it was adequate, and walked into the kitchen. You grabbed an apple—you never really found yourself hungry in the mornings. Besides, it wasn't like your mother was around to make sure you were fed—and left the apartment.

You locked the door behind you and shoved the keys into the front pocket of your bag afterward.

You met with Sal and Larry at the foot of the front steps of the apartments, like you'd agreed the day prior. You couldn't help but feel a little nervous as you opened the door and walked down the three stairs.

"Hey!" Larry greets you first.

"Hey, Larry," you smile weakly, as you're not fully awake yet, but it still means as much as a smile you'd give him when you were awake. You turn your eyes to Sal, waving shortly. You were momentarily startled when you realized he'd already been looking at you. "Hi, Sal."

"Hey," he says your name pleasantly. "How are you feeling?"

It was sweet that he was concerned about your well-being. "Alright. My lungs hurt."

He hooked a thumb around the strap of his bag and slid it up and down. His hands were pale and veiny. His nails were painted black and the polish was chipped in a few places. "Yeah. You did a shit-ton of coughing."

You open your mouth to reply, but before you can he meets your eyes. His head is inclined slightly downward, tilted a bit. He peers at you through the shadows of the mask. Lash-fringed, blue angel eyes bore through yours.

His eyes are opalescent. It's almost as if every time you look at them they were a different shade of blue.

You're sure your gazes hadn't connected for more than 3 seconds but the feeling that spawns inside of you from that short contact is slightly jarring. You don't necessarily comprehend what is stirring in your gut and you don't have time to because Larry's speaking breaks through your reverie.

He begins to talk about the chaos the first day of school would be. You quickly forget what had happened before.

But nothing had happened. It was nothing.

When you'd arrived at school after a little bit of walking, you, Larry, and Sal received your schedules together.

"Fuck me," you murmur, mostly to yourself, as you look down at your paper. "Math is first. This always happens to me."

Larry laughs loudly. "Yeah. That does suck. Mrs. Packerton looks like a walking corpse."

Sal jerks his head upward from his schedule. "That's fucked, Larry. She's an old lady."

"I don't care. Pretty sure she's secretly evil anyway."

Sal looks as though he's done reasoning with how harshly true Larry is most of the time. He shakes his head and looks back at you. "Well, if it's any consolation—I've also got math first. So, you know. We could go together," he pauses. "If you want."

You grin. "Yeah. Sure. At least I'll know someone there."

Larry flicks his eyes between the both of you before stopping them on Sal. "Hopefully you won't have Travis again," His eyebrows twitch. "He always has math first."

"Travis?" You echo curiously.

The two boys exchange a glance.

"Just a guy we know who-" Sal starts, hurrying to finish the sentence.

He was rushing so Larry wouldn't cut in and say something but it happened before he even had a chance. "He's a little fucker we know who gives Sal shit. 24/7. He makes my blood boil."

You furrow your eyebrows. "What- why? What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing," Sal replies. "Pretty sure he's really troubled. Not unlike the rest of us."

"Doesn't mean he should take it out on other people." Larry scoffs. "I know it bothers you, dude."

Sal doesn't reply—seems as though he's growing uncomfortable speaking about all of it.

"Hey, guys!"

A voice calls, having grown closer halfway through her sentence. You all turn towards it. A girl, leggy and taller than both you and Sal, with long locks and eyes greener than a spring clover. There was something homey in the way her chocolate brown hair brought warmth to her features.

A boy is beside her, with ginger hair with eyes a deep shade of the richest earth. His skin is pale and freckled. He carries himself with an air of bluntness and just a little bit awkwardly—his facial expression is very blank, you note.

"Hey, Ash. Shocked you aren't late," Larry grins.

"Ash" rolls her eyes at him and mirrors his expression. "You know Todd would never let that happen."

"No, I wouldn't." Todd deadpans.

Ash turns toward you after laughing enough to flash the white gleam of her teeth and a slight dimple in her cheek. "Hey!" She then says your name prettily and juts out her hand. "Nice to meet you. I'm Ashley."

You don't ask her how she knows your name. Instead, you sincerely smile, take her hand and shake it. "Nice to meet you," you return, and then turn toward Todd. "You, too."

Todd is already an interesting character. He doesn't smile but his expression is cordial. "Welcome to Nockfell."

Your smile widens.

"Have you guys gotten your schedules yet?" Sal speaks up after having been quiet for a moment. He must've been reading over his schedule to himself.

"Oh! Yeah," Ashley opened her other hand, the one she hadn't shaken your hand with, and unfolded a now very crumpled piece of paper. She passed summer green over the list. "I've got biology."

Todd didn't even look at his list. "I have history."

Sal looks at you. His gaze easily levels with yours. "Looks like it's just me and you then."

Your face feels hot. "Haha," you suddenly feel nervous. "You're right. Sit beside me, okay?"

His eyebrows jump—that much you can tell by the way his eyes move. Tucking a strand of loose blue hair behind his ear, he replies: "Will do."

His ears are double pierced.

The bell's shrill ringing floods the halls. You wince, and you and Sal's eye contact is broken. Before that happens, though, you see Larry grinning to himself.

Weirdo, you think lightheartedly.

Everyone parts after that. Larry and Ash walk away together. They must both have biology, you thought. Todd leaves by himself to his respective class and you and Sal head towards math.

For a moment, the silence is unbearable. You've never been alone with a boy. Well, you weren't alone, just not in a group with other people. The noiselessness begins to bother you so you fleetingly think of something to say and blurt the first thing that comes to mind.

"The piercings," you say suddenly.

He turns his head toward you. You look up to him before looking straight. "What?"

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god, you thought. All I do is make a mockery of myself.

"I like them!" you add, hurriedly. "They're pierced twice. That's really cool. Looks good on you."

He laughs shyly. "Thanks. I like your shoes."

"My shoes?" You look down and laugh. They were so worn. "Why?" You continue to giggle. "They're falling apart at the seams, haha."

"That's the best kind of shoe," he retorts. He jerks his chin towards his sneakers, a muted shade of cornflower blue. "Look at mine. They barely fit and they're- like, super constricting. Also super ratty—but I can't seem to get rid of them."

You laugh with him. "They look better than mine, at least."

You're glad the ice was broken so fast. You liked him.

The class was boring and uninteresting as any math class would be. You do work. You glance over at Sal a few times throughout the class—not to cheat, just to see how he was fairing—and he was writing answers down with a quick response time and humble confidence within the drawl of his handwriting.

Alright, so he was smart. Not much of a surprise there. You could tell just how perceptive of a boy he was.

You stared hopelessly at an answer on your sheet you'd yet to fill out and twirled the pencil around in your fingers.

Suddenly, a pale hand with black nails has nimbly reached over and hastily circled what you assume was the correct answer to the question with his pencil. You look up to Sal in surprise and appreciation, who's already back in his seat as if nothing had happened.

You giggle before you can stop yourself when he raises a hand and raises a finger in front of the prosthetic's mouth, to tell you "shh."

Mrs. Packerton slowly pivots away from the chalkboard and passes her eyes over the class. You and Sal quickly break eye contact and look down on your papers. Sal's shoulders shake in your peripheral vision and you press your knuckles to your lips and force a bored expression on your paper.

Before the bell rang, you noticed a blond boy with tan skin and caramel eyes in front of you and Sal, occasionally shooting your friend bitter looks. It left a sour taste in your mouth, but you didn't mention it.

You find Ash and Larry before your next class. You think you've burst a blood vessel from how hard you'd laughed when you left the classroom.

"I thought I'd cracked a rib," Sal states over your laughter. as you walked up to Larry and Ashley.

Larry and Ashley exchange a look. Larry is the first to state the obvious. "What the hell happened to you two?"

You and Sal look toward each other and make eye contact. That's the last straw. You cover your mouth and try and hold it in.

"I-" Sal inhales. "It doesn't matter," he breathes out, an amused lilt in his tone. "How was class?"

"Bad," Larry and Ashley reply, in synchronization.

"Really?" You ask, surprised. "Biology can be fun."

"This biology isn't," Ashley sighs. "Not when you're just staring at cells and organisms for 20 minutes and then being expected to do work on it and understand what's happening."

"Well, math wasn't any better," you reply. "If it's any consolation—I don't think I got any answers right except for the one Sal did for me."

"I thought math was fine," Sal chimes in.

"That's because you're fucking Albert Einstein reincarnate," Larry squints. "Please have mercy on our mortal souls, Math God."

"Oh my god," Sal looks down. "Please don't make this into another nickname."

"I like it!" Ashley grins.

You know they're teasing but you can't find it in you to join in after he helped you out in class. Instead, you resign into silence and watch as countless students filter through the halls, bumping into each other as they pass and chatting with their peers.

Through the crowd, at the far end of the hall, you see him. The blond boy who'd been eying Sal in class. He was looking at him in the same way he had been then, with threat and resent shadowing his polished amber eyes.

It looks as if he's readying himself to approach.

You glance toward Larry, Sal, and Ashley. They seem occupied well enough, so you slip into the crowd and head towards who you've now pieced together to be: "Travis," you state, as you stand in front of him. "That's you, right?"

He regards you with distaste. "Do I know you?"

You suck your teeth. "No," you tell him your name. "I came to ask you something."

Despite himself and his embitterment, his eyes shine with hesitant curiosity. You take that as your answer. In spite of his stance over you and his general advantage of being bigger, you hold his gaze with blunt intent.

"What were you planning on doing when you walked over?"

"Why do you fucking care what I do?"

You shrug. "I don't know, Travis. I just think you need to learn how to pick your battles."

"Pick my fucking battles.. you know what? I think I will go over there-"

As he takes a step forward, you raise your hand and your palm roughly hits his chest, stopping him in his tracks—not because of strength (he's at an advantage, and he could easily walk right through) but because of the views he had, or rather—the views pushed upon him.

You saw the golden cross swinging off of his neck as soon as you approached. You'd also seen the gnarly black eye he wore on his face.

It was safe to assume he was being beaten at home and by a parent. And, most of the time.. when an adult is religious they will use several methods to further push it upon their child. Like sinner's guilt. And abuse.

If Travis' extremely religious guardian were to ever find out he'd harmed a girl, especially under the eyes of many others—it wouldn't turn out very well for him.

Yes, maybe you were being manipulative. But you were being manipulative for the good of both Sal and Travis.

"Step down," you advised. "This won't go very well."

You steadily meet his eyes. The stare between the two of you lasts for an even amount of time. Finally, he breaks that contact, jerks away with you, huffs, and walks his way around you and down the hall.

After that, you returned with the excuse of exchanging books from your locker, after Larry had asked you where you had wandered off to. No one seemed to have noticed Travis standing ominously at the end of the hall or your altercation with him.

At the end of school, you were beat. You said goodbye to both Ashley and Todd. Afterward, you, Larry, and Sal head for Addison's Apartments.

"You know, we don't have to go home yet," you say.

The boys turn to you curiously, as you kick a pebble as you walk along the side of the road. The beginnings of the sunset blossom in the sky—orange and fruity like tangerine jelly and amaranth pink like homemade strawberry frosting. like home. It fills you up inside and makes you feel so sweet.

"You guys wanna see a movie?"

Larry grins. "We don't have money."

"Who says we need money?"

When you'd arrived at the movie theater, all three of you had circled to the side exit. After a few moments of waiting suspiciously, an older couple exited through the doors. Larry caught the handle before it closed, and you brushed past them and quickly entered the theater. Before the doors closed, you heard them mumbling about "pesky children," or something.

Once you'd gotten in, you scanned each screening room and what movie the doors said it was playing.

You and Sal decided on a scary movie. Larry was not amused. Whatsoever. Apparently, horror is not his thing.

Before you entered, you frowned.

"We have no popcorn.."

In moments, Larry was reaching into a nearby trash can and pulling out an empty bucket that improbably had popcorn inside of it at some point in time. He then walked away, holding this empty popcorn bucket. It was so bizarre and you would have laughed had not been extremely confused.

"What.." Sal murmured, looking to you. "You think he'll come back?"

"I don't know where he would even be coming back from," You admitted.

It wasn't very long until he'd returned, with the empty bucket he'd taken from the trash now full of popcorn.

"Mandatory free refills," He said to your baffled face, pointing toward the poster on the wall above the trash can which read exactly what he'd just said. "You can never forget the hustle, kids."

"Oh my god," Sal mumbled and you barely heard him beneath Larry's laughter.

The movie was horribly made, and it still somehow scared the shit out of Larry. It may as well have been a comedy with how hard you'd laughed. Multiple other people in the theater had told you to shut Larry up but that was impossible when he was screaming every time a shadow would come on screen or the scene would change.

You, being between Larry and Sal, originally thought you'd had the best seat. You were wrong. Not only was Larry cowering into you and screaming directly in your ear, but Sal had simultaneously begun to throw popcorn at Larry's face to shut him up. That only resulted in popcorn. All over.

Needless to say, you left before the movie ended because of the fear of being escorted out by the employees.

"I'm never seeing a movie with you again," Sal squinted towards Larry. The three of you were now on the way back to the apartments. The night was thick and pearly moonlight bounced off old the white of his prosthetic face. "I think my eardrums are bleeding."

"It's the horror movies! This isn't my fault. Both of you ganged up on me and chose it."

You giggled to yourself.

Sal, beside you, suddenly stopped. "Wait, Y/N."

You stopped, and Larry halted a few feet away, as he'd been walking a bit ahead. Sal leaned forward and reached toward your face. Your body felt as though it had been zapped and you stood still.

He reached into your hair and pulled out a piece of popcorn.

"Huh." You said, dumbly. "How'd that get there?"

Larry's approaching footsteps were fast and leggy. He reached into Sal's hand, plucked the piece of popcorn between his fingers and fucking ate it.

"Jesus Christ, I can't do this anymore," Sal shook his head.

"What? It looked okay."

Recovering quickly from whatever had happened to you, you laughed.

You also inwardly denied what your body was feeling because you knew it was much too soon.

[mayrubyy]

Clouded III

➻ Pairing- Chanyeol x Reader  ➻ Genre - Angst + Fwb! 

➻ Word Count - 3.7k  

➻ Rating - (M) Warning! this contains strong language, fwb, sexual and angst themes that are intended for mature audiences. Please don’t read if you’re not comfortable with the said themes and if you’re under 18! 

A/N - hey guys, so.. it is time to say goodbye and i was always full of hope and love for this series. sadly, it won’t see the light of day like i hoped for but in all it’s unfinished, glory, i present to you ~ Chapter III of Clouded.

This is my last post. So, farewell. 

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.  ･ ｡ × fragments=͟͟͞͞evanescent-lucid͟͟-transcending × ｡･ .  

Wayfaring aimlessly, you were drenched from head to toe and your senses were heavily distorted. The icy pellets of rain were unrelenting, not gentle in the slightest as they slapped against your skin. Streaks of lightning pierced through the forlorn sky in iridescent veins of electric and purple.The wind kept howling around you, the violent rainstorm having no mercy as it obscured your vision. Cars were zooming by at full speed, splashing puddles on to the pavement in their wake and when thunder roared above you, it sparked some kind of urgency in you as if the universe was telling you to take that one step forward, one step closer to starting a new chapter of your life– only you couldn't fathom that by doing so you were inviting trouble. 

All you could think of was Chanyeol and you found yourself knocking at his door, in the dead of the night.

Moreover, being completely soaked to the bone and nearly shivering to death wasn't fun. A mild wave of panic coursed through your body when you realized he wasn't answering the door. You rang the bell a few more times, begging, hoping and praying he was home. 

But, it was all drearily for nothing. 

Just when you were about to give up, you heard him shuffle. His footsteps thundered across the hallway and with a hasty turn of the knob, the door was ineptly flung open. The light fixtures in the foyer did little to illuminate his features, flickering about as they swathed his tall form in subtle hues of orange and gold. Chanyeol stood before you like a tower, silhouetting the buttery glow of his apartment and for a fleeting second, you couldn't decipher anything. Your mind was swirling in a heart stopping haze, his cologne dominating your senses as you stood there, wavering under his gaze. He rubbed his own bleary eyes, looking dazed and spaced out in the soft light, hair a complete mess, perhaps from wearing headphones. His breathing was erratic, chest tight against his shirt as it rose and fell, elucidating he had dashed all the way to get the door. To get to you. 

"Y/N?" He faltered, gaping at you with furrowed brows. "Wh-what are you doing here?" He asked you, dipping slightly to look at the expensive watch that adorned his wrist. "It's like one in the morning," ruffling the crimson locks away from his face, he tilted his head to the side like a lost pup and an awkward wave of silence crept between you two. The frigid air was stinging and your damp shirt was unpleasantly clinging to your body, the dewiness itching and nibbling away at your skin. Quivering in your bones, you wrapped your soaked arms around yourself and stuttered through chattering teeth. 

"Ch-Chanyeol… I'm c-cold."

"Fuck– my bad." He shuffled from one feet to the other before cautiously leaning towards you. "Here, let me–," then carefully draping his arm over your shoulder, he lead you inside, the warmth of his body effectively engulfing you as he did. The minute you set foot in his apartment, you were taken aback by how huge and spacious it was. And oddly enough, it was welcoming and cozy– just like him. 

It wasn't an ordinary apartment at all. It was rather luxurious for an undergrad and you could say you were mildly shook. You caught a whiff of coffee coming from his kitchen and some beats blaring through the headphones that sat tacitly on the counter. He was after all, much to your relief at home and completely immersed in music. That's why he couldn't hear you ring the bell or knock the door. He clumsily hooked his leg around the scaffold of the stool and dragged it closer to the island. Gently squeezing your shoulder, he ushered you to sit and after you quietly perched yourself down on the stool you looked up at him. His gorgeous pair of eyes sparkled as they met yours and deep in your heart, you felt relieved for having someone like him to rely on. A shoulder you could lean and cry on. 

"You, alright?" he asked you, concern swirling in his dark orbs. You kept your head low and nodded while he paced towards the coffee-maker and quickly grabbed a mug from the cupboard. He poured the hot liquid into it and scampered back to you. "You might want to have some. It'll help you warm up." He mumbled, voice deep and soothing to your ears. His fingers brushed softly against yours as you took the mug from him. "You probably need a warm bath too. I'll be right back." And with that he hurried away again, disappearing into the bedroom this time. He seemed anxious and quite restless like he didn't want to linger around you. 

You began to fret you were bothering him for turning up unannounced and so out of the blue like this. For a good moment you were contemplating whether to leave again. The door was right there, maybe you should...but your limbs had failed you. Your joints were beginning to ache and there was a sharp pain seeping through your nerves from the cold. Feeling defeated and worn out, you winced as you brought the rim of the mug to your lips and sipped quietly. The warmth from the coffee slowly began spreading down your throat and into your empty belly.

Your eyes flickered around the apartment as you placed the mug back down on the counter. A huge shelf made of glass had intrigued you. It was filled with action figures, a collection of sorts, of Chanyeol's favorite manga and anime characters. There was a record player sitting by the same shelf which had a robust and vintage feel to it. And, a glass door beside it leading further into something that looked like a mini studio, with guitars racked neatly in a corner and some dreamcatchers celestially hooked to the wall above them. The other end was adorned with the One Piece flag hanging on the wall which confirmed his addiction to all things Japanese. It was adorable. You squinted through the glass door again and found a desktop– an iMac sitting right in between the space with acoustic diffusers surrounding it. You could tell Chanyeol was very passionate about music. You had once heard him play the guitar at a local club on a weekend but you didn't know he had a whole studio in his exquisite apartment like this. 

Your bestfriend Kyungsoo had told you that Chanyeol was from an affluent family. He was in the Basketball team along with your boyfriend Taehyung. Highly competitive and charming to a fault, musically talented and really tall, kinda clumsy with a goofy grin and big fluffy ears– that was all you really knew about him. 

It was at a party after a match that Baekhyun had introduced you to each other. And, all you could vaguely remember was playing beer pong and getting drunk out of your mind. Taehyung had abandoned you in the middle of the party and the next day, you found yourself waking up on top of Chanyeol. It sure as hell was fucking awkward, you recall. Although, he had chuckled nonchalantly and assured you that you were just woozy and beyond sloshed. That you held him tightly and wouldn't let him go till you were out cold and passed out on the couch. Chanyeol went as far as calling you cute that day and you felt your face go embarrassingly crimson and returned him with a sharp punch to his gut, making him groan frantically. He did put up a dramatic show that day because he loved attention and took much pride in teasing you. 

Quickly enough, your little encounters with him followed. You ran into each other at the games a lot. More mini trips to 7-Eleven at the campus, talking about music and other things that amused you and you came to realize that you both had a lot in common. You were beginning to grow fond of his company everytime Taehyung left you hanging. And whenever you'd get anxious you'd end up texting Chanyeol asking if Tae was at the game. 

Chanyeol would facetime you and tell you that guys like to go into their little caves from time to time. That it wasn't anything you should be worrying about. Although, to your shocking revelation, it was far from an ordinary man cave. Your world turned upside down after Chanyeol ran into your boyfriend making out with one of the cheerleaders in the locker room. 

He kept it from you for two weeks before fidgeting and stuttering, then finally spilled everything out and suggested you moved on from Taehyung. That it was for the best. At first you thought it was some kind of a pathetic joke but turns out, it wasn't. 

You'd never felt so broken and so ditched. You felt ridiculed and helpless. Taehyung never really cared to bring the matter up. And when you asked him if he was seeing anyone, he simply told you not to be ridiculous, persuading you to drop it with all things romantic and velvety later on. You were starting to feel sick of his behavior. Of course it was you who was being delusional and not him shoving his tongue down someone else's throat. It must have been so easy for him, right? 

As the weeks flew by, your mind hopelessly drifted back to how your boyfriend would rather spend the weekend with some chic who'd had sugar, spice and everything nice and honestly, it wasn't fun or healthy for you to fret over him anymore. It made you dizzy, made you want to throw up. He was cold blood lying through his teeth. He was cheating on you and you'd had just about enough. 

Barely hours ago, you'd stormed out of Taehyung's apartment after having a nerve wracking argument with him. Completely blinded by rage you wandered forcefully in the streets until it had started raining violently. And then it dreadfully occurred to you that you had absolutely nowhere to go. Kyungsoo wasn't in town and the last person to cross your mind was Chanyeol. His apartment was around the corner and of all the people, you never really fathomed you'd end up knocking at his door all doused and a drenched mess like this but here you were.  

You balled your fists and sniffled quietly, trying to stop the tears that were welling at the corner of your weary eyes. Chanyeol was still nowhere in sight while the beats continued blaring from his headphones from the other end. You wiped a lone tear that had trickled down your right cheek and returned your attention to the white foam swirling delicately in your mug, trails of steam dancing above it. 

"Y/N?"

You heard Chanyeol's voice echo from within the room. You quickly placed your elbows on the counter and ducked your head to conceal your tears away from him. 

"The bath is ready. You'll find the clothes on the dresser. And, I– uhm, I have some bath bombs. If you wanna use them. Go ahead." Chanyeol reappeared scratching the back of his head, his lips had curved into a daffy smile. 

"You have a...g-girlfriend?" It wasn't that you were curious but you knew you shouldn't have blurted that out so mindlessly. It was obvious. It was so goddamn obvious. He's a young adult, a drop dead gorgeous one for fuck's sake. He plays basketball and guitars, has got a whole studio of his own and must have plenty of girls over. You couldn't have been more nuts to ask him that? You mentally shrug and cuss at yourself. 

"What?" Chanyeol looked at you as if you were delirious. "Uhhh, no? I don't." He mumbled, a huge pout adorning his lips. "I'm not.. really.. in a good headspace for love." He crossed his arms and leaned against the door. "Also, love is fucking illusive, you know?" 

Illusive? Is that even a word? You both eyed each other intently and the more you looked at him the more you were mystified by his words. You bit your lip quietly and urged him to continue, "tell me more."

"How about you get out of those clothes first." Chanyeol's voice was barely a whisper. He then furrowed his brows but his expression quickly morphed into an awkward one like he was ready to pull his hair out. "I mean, you must be cold –not that– I– fuck–.." 

Another wave of awkward silence crept between you two and he began pulling at his hair frantically. "That sounded awful.." He stomped about cursing and letting a string of fucks slip out of his tongue again. He then collapsed to the floor and hid his face dramatically in his hands. You couldn't help but chuckle at his actions and wheezed loudly enough for him to peek from between his fingers to look back at you. He slowly loosened up and smiled quietly to himself. "I'm serious." He walked towards you and sat himself on the stool, "don't want you falling sick, babe." 

Chanyeol looked at you adoringly, the apples of his cheeks were glistening, still blushing pink. "You done with that?" he pointed at the mug. You took one last sip and nodded, never taking your eyes off him. "I am." You pushed the mug towards him and his fingers found their way around the porcelain again, brushing softly against yours like they did the first time. You mouthed a soft 'thank you'. He darted his tongue out to wet his lips while you continued gazing back at him, mesmerized by his pink fluffy ears. A hearty smile fluttered on his lips as well as yours. He wrapped his long fingers snugly around yours and whispered back to you, fondness gleaming in his eyes. 

"Don't worry about it, baby."

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The lump in your throat was gnawing its way slowly down to your chest as you helped yourself out of your damp clothes. Your head was starting to spin again when you finally caught a glimpse of your disheveled state in the mirror. You mocked yourself cynically and wondered why Chanyeol wasn't mortified, hadn't gasped and shut the door back in your face. You looked ghastly but he was being far too sweet with you. He was gentle as ever, taking your icy hands that had gone numb into his huge ones, rubbing them together to get them warm and whispering sweetly and huskily that it was alright, that you were safe in his hands now. 

The more you looked at yourself the more you felt exasperated like you were wallowing away in wades of self pity. Your eyeliner was smudged around your dreary eyes as though someone had beaten the living crap out of you. And, being alone by yourself again only allowed the bitterness to creep back into your heart.

'Love is illusive' Chanyeol had accented and you couldn't help but dwell on the thought as you ensconced yourself into the steaming tub, allowing the lush scent of lavender to cloud your senses. The water soaked and engulfed you in a lukewarm trance, washing away the remnants of the rainstorm that had pierced your fragile skin not merely an hour ago. 

"Love's like a game– a game you just can't win." 

Chanyeol's words echoed in the back of your mind. He kept citing whilst showing you the way to the bathroom. He can't just be saying that to make you feel better would he? He looked pretty suave and confident saying he didn't have time for romance but then again with a charming aura like that he could get any girl at any shack. It would be his call. You had no hint or clue about his past flings although he'd grown to be so close to you. However, somewhere deep in the pits of your broken heart, you felt like you've known him for years even though you'd only started talking to him merely months ago. 

As much as you wanted to drown your thoughts into the night in the tub, you couldn't keep him waiting. If it wasn't embarrassing enough he'd heard your stomach growl to which he had softly grazed your cheek with his thumb and asked you to hurry up, rasping away that he'd cook you something. You were in fact enthusiastic about wanting to give him credence for his witty nuances about love and join him back in the kitchen. If you were a damsel in distress– Chanyeol was your knight in shining armor. You chuckled at the thought and huffed away, blowing and lifting some of the delicate foamy bubbles that were settled on your knees. 

Perhaps, it really was time to turn the page to a new chapter in your life. "Fuck you, Tae." You spat bitterly, soapy suds slithering down your dewy, glistening body as you rose to your feet, planting them firmly on the ceramic underneath. "Fuck everything." You crouched again and pulled the stopper out, watching what was left of the effervescent mixture of lavender whirl about and get sucked into the drain, taking along with it parts of you that you no longer wished to carry the burden of. 

You felt like you deserve the chance to clear yourself of this mess and you were willing to explore what the universe had to offer you now. If it had so spurred you into risking hypothermia enough to end up at someone's door who could in fact be your saving grace. Someone who believes that love is all but a load of bullshit, then maybe Park Chanyeol might actually be the one for you. And, you could definitely rely on him to help you piece your broken heart together without having to worry about the perpetual matters of love. You wanted to step into the light, without having to look back again. 

And you were glad you could seek the light past love and its hazy horizon for once.

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A hoard of concerns were lurking before you. With all your clothes soaked and dirty now, including your garments, you stood in front of the dresser, scratching your head in confusion. 

Huffing away, you put Chanyeol's t-shirt on which had engulfed you completely, all the way down to your knees. The most frustrating part however, were the shorts he picked for you. They didn't sit at your hips at all and had drooped down your legs the minute you put them on, instantly piling at your feet. 'How the fuck am I supposed to secure this?' You fretted, shrugging as you picked them back up. 

You tried again but failed miserably. It would be fucking awkward walking back into the kitchen, dressed only in his shirt. You had absolutely nothing on underneath. Fuck. It's not like you were going to touch him or anything. You can manage this and maybe he won't notice, right? It was your last resort and you quickly had to make your mind up. Out of nowhere you heard your stomach growl again. It was either do or die now. You had to decide. 'I'll keep my distance from him and he won't bat an eye' were the words you chanted to yourself before leaving the bedroom. 

As you walked back into the living room, your ears were invited by the soft music playing from the record player, the one that was by the glass shelf. You stopped by the dining table facing Chanyeol's back who was busy in the kitchen. The aroma of pancakes whiffed through the air and the atmosphere was perfectly cozy. Although, you didn't dare move from the table and decided to keep yourself away and at a distance. Then Chanyeol turned around and his eyes flew wide open in surprise. 

"What the fu– ...you startled me." He yelped, placing the pan back on the stove and clutching at his heart. "I thought I already had you stricken with horror when you first opened the door," you snorted, "I looked horrendous, didn't I?" Chanyeol simply shook his head in denial and retorted with a playful smirk. "You looked quite hot. I'm not gonna lie."

"Shut up, Chanyeol." You felt your face flushing an awful shade of pink at his remarks. "It's the truth, babe." He quipped, whirling about and chuckling away as he returned his attention towards cooking the pancakes again. "Come here, you need to eat!" he called out and your limbs immediately went limp. 

"Um, can you place it on the counter for me?" you purred, requesting him in your humblest tone. "I'm..kinda.. in a fix here." Your voice wavered and when Chanyeol turned around to look at you again, he grinned sheepishly. "What's wrong?" he asked you as if he had no clue what you were going on about.

"It's an embarrassing...outfit situation." You cleared your throat and Chanyeol quickly mouthed an 'oh'. "It doesn't sound like much of a problem to me." He rasped, dripping maple syrup on pancakes. "Your belly needs some food and that's more important." He then brought the plate with the freshly made pancakes and placed it on the counter and ushered you warmly to join him at the island. His voice suddenly grew a little stern. "Come on now before it gets cold." His sudden strictness made you chuckle. He possibly can't get more adorable than this, can he?

"Fine." You faltered in your steps and met him at the island. Thankfully, the structure blocked a good amount of distance between you two. When you settled down on the stool, he handed you the fork and you started taking measly bites out of the plate. Chanyeol watched you intently, his arms were propped up against the counter, hands cupped around his face as he gaped at you in awe. "Stop looking at me like that. You're making me nervous." You mumbled in between bites. He gave you a squinty eyed grin before snatching the fork away from your hands and making you gasp. 

"Geez baby, you're supposed to wolf it down." He cut through the pancake haphazardly and jabbed at a huge chunk, "like this." He then shoved the massive bite into your mouth and a muffled moan left your lips as you swallowed it down. "This will fill you up." He then glanced  at your lips coated with the sweet syrup hazily and mumbled huskily in his deep voice. "God, I could fill you up."

Of course you were going to choke upon hearing what he had just said. You wheezed frantically and couldn't pluck enough courage to look him in the eye anymore. Your heart thundered in your chest as you squirmed and scooted anxiously away from him, a faint blush spreading over your cheeks. You could tell he was violently biting down on his bottom lip, shutting his own eyes close, as tightly as he could. 

You both were awfully quiet again. Too embarrassed to take the conversation any further. But then Chanyeol interjects, breaking the awkwardness, "I didn't mean to…" 

 "D-don't.. worry about it," you bite on your own lip and jab at your pancake with your fork. He looks at you cryptically, "are you sure?" 

You nod your head and lick your lips and when you do, something triggers Chanyeol and he quickly gets off his stool and much to your relief walks back to the stove with an excuse to make you more pancakes. You try to gobble the rest of the pancake as quickly as you can while trying your best not to dither about what had just happened. As soon as you're done, you pick your plate up and scamper towards the sink but Chanyeol blocks you. "Woah, hold up. You're not done eating until I say so." He looms over you and his voice is yet again, stern and you push him away and boy you wish you didn't. 

The second your palm came in contact with his abs  through the fabric you knew you fucked up. You could feel the ridges and he was so perfectly packed and built. The girls at uni, they were right. Park Chanyeol was irresistible and you were only inches away from him.

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A/N ~ 

this is it guys. it’s broken and full of errors lol. i lost the doc that had everything written beyond this.  i had wiped my drive for work last year and other reasons. anyway,  i’m happy you made it this far with me in this clouded journey. if you wish to find out what happens after, feel free to ping me i’ll sum it up for you, sweet & short, only if you really wish to find out how these two end up haha. but yeah. this is it. i haven’t got anything else to say. so yeah, stay safe and most importantly, be happy. love y’all. <3

Taglist ♡  @loeyprivvv @littleflowercrown13 @wifechungha  @rashidamesrur  @mindofthescattered @zessafg @always-wishing-for-rain  @brazilianbasicbitch @kpopfessions-blog @baek-byunies @j-pping @godexosblog @hansolturnt @anyh0w @fire-poppyqueen @smolmel @nanasupremacy​ @chanyeolparkriswu✧  Note - If I have forgotten to tag anyone! I’m sorry, I lost the doc where I kept track of you guys so, this is all I got.