#but for a while i was like. I truly don’t understand why he’s written like this if he’s meant to be a straight boy

[sammygender]

if zuko isn’t meant to be gay then why do they write him. like that

[sleyu]

thinking about meanbf!sirius <3 visits you at work only to fuck you in the staff bathroom <3 speaks to you in french while you fuck because he knows you won’t understand what he’s saying and it makes you teary eyed <3 i love him so much PLEABS!!!

stop stop do you know how delusional this is making me . . . this is all i’m gonna think about when i’m at work.（；＿；）♡

i can picture him visiting you at work, maybe to pick you up after your shift ends, and him narrowing his eyes at one of your male coworkers that's being a little too close for comfort. when sirius comes up to you to take you home and your coworker protectively stands in front of you, he just stands there, feeling shocked for a brief moment, sneering before softening his eyes at the sight of you stepping towards him and hugging him tightly.

maybe it was the presence of your coworker entirely, or maybe it was the coworker asking you if sirius was simply your friend that made him want to steal you away every time you went on a break to fuck you stupid.

suddenly, sirius didn’t just visit your workplace to drop you off or pick you up. he began forcing you to text him the time you went break so that he could drag you to the staff bathroom for a nice, “quick,” 30-minute fuck. he practically has the bathroom code memorized with how many times he’s fucked you in it.

he would sit there for a while, clicking his ring-clad fingers against the table, bouncing his knees—doing anything to relieve him of his impatience. sirius would silently reel at the apprehension written all over your face and the flush on your cheeks as your coworkers or customers would speak with you. upon your break beginning, you could barely manage to kiss your boyfriend on the lips before he yanked you away to the employee bathroom.

‘why does he have to touch you so much, hm?’ he’d mutter bitterly, hastily lifting your skirt and pushing your panties to the side, simpering at the slick on his fingers as he dragged his fingers up your slit, slowly circling his middle finger over your gushing hole. ‘just touching you for no good reason.’

you would furrow your eyebrows at the agonizing feeling and hum in agreement with the man behind you. the hard porcelain of the sink was pressing painfully against your hips and your heart was beating rapidly, your mind only praying that people at work hadn’t caught on to the employee bathroom being occupied for thirty whole minutes nearly every day.

‘don’t know, siri,’ you’d mumble while sighing breathlessly, feeling flush at the sight of sirius staring at you intensely from the washroom mirror, studying your facial expressions while smiling in amusement at your bashfulness.

sirius would smile broadly at the sight of you sinking your teeth into the back of your hand, a useless and insufficient attempt in muffling your cries as he hammered into you from behind, watching you take the extra step to turn on the sink faucet to conceal the loud, echoing sounds of skin slapping as he thrust into you. he would exhibit a shit-eating grin, lazily staring at your eyes welled up with tears of humiliation at the lewd, moist sounds of you creaming around his cock with each rut.

sirius’s pace is unforgiving and relentless, and all the while, he would tug on your hair to jerk your head back so he could bite and suck on your neck, leaving bruised, mean marks along the side of your throat that he makes certain will show.

‘sluts like you love getting fucked in places like this, huh? just imagine what they’d think—your little friends,’ sirius breathed shakily, feeling his mind go numb at the feeling of your drenched cunt pulsating around his thick, throbbing cock.

‘does that git know what a fuckin’ slut you are for me? does he know that this cunt gets filled up every second of every day?’

‘‘s like you can’t get enough—fuck—i’m sure he can’t fuck you like this—oh—satisfy all your needs like me, yeah?’

sirius is the epitome of mean and truly does not give a fuck about what anything else thinks. he would purposely pull your hand away from your mouth, letting your moans spill uncontrollably from your mouth, echoing inside the enclosed space of the washroom.

he wants that “fucker”—according to sirius—to hear the way you lose your mind with his cock inside you. sirius would only laugh softly at the sight of your head dropping helplessly, tears spilling down your cheeks, lips parted with pants escaping them at the feeling of his cock brushing against the sweet spots inside your cunt.

‘need more. i don’t think i have enough time, sirius,’ you’d mewl. ‘please go harder.’

sirius would not care if this was cutting into your work time but he’s more than happy to fuck you harder and faster. he’s not stopping until he’s pleased and you're fucked out—eyes rolling back, and throat worn out from your loud moans. he could care less if your break was finished or if someone was banging on the door, begging to use the washroom—he’s finished when he’s finished.

‘cunts taking me so well, i’m definitely not stopping. ‘n i’m sure my girl doesn’t want me to either—not when you’re so close, yeah?’

and speaking of him talking to you in french . . . he knows you get off to his dirty talk, so him speaking in a language you can’t understand—hearing how you whine at the feeling of being unaware of his thoughts and his words only make the knot in his stomach tighter.

secretly, sirius is mumbling cheesy shit like, ‘i love you,’ or ‘you’re so pretty,’ to save himself from the embarrassment of saying soft things so contradicting to his fronting personality.

also, this is sirius. we all know that he’s working to the fucking bone to make sure he cums inside you and that his seed is buried deep inside your tight little cunt. without a doubt, he’s saving a little bit of his cum for your panties, cumming all over them, dampening the cotton fabric so that when you put them back on after getting dressed, your cunt would be stained and sticky from his seed, leaving you uncomfortable all day at the feeling of your wet, soiled underwear.

i think, if we are truly wanting to appreciate and hate the essence of mean bf ! sirius, i fear that he’s gonna pull out of you the very last second, when your one thrust away from cumming, watching and reeling as you sob at the lost contact, unconsciously wiggling your bum to entice him to take you again and help you find your release. he needs to make sure your cunt aches and longs for him, yearning the feeling of his long cock thrusting inside relentlessly.

‘no—fuck—please, sirius!’ you’d sob, shoving your head against his chest and hitting him weakly with your fist. ‘feel so empty, siri—please. it hurts so bad.’

sirius almost succumbed at the sight of your trembling pout and your longing, teary eyes. unfortunately, he persevered against temptation and pressed a gentle, tender kiss on your temple before pulling away and helping you get dressed again. he would coo and wipe away your tears, laughing to himself at the sight of your glare and your thighs rubbing against each other in an attempt to find relief and ease your aching, empty cunt.

‘when i pick you up, puppy,’ he’d pull you into a deep kiss, firmly gripping the back of your neck. ‘i’ll fuck you and make you cum as much as you want. good girls wait, yeah?’

[anotherblinder]

The Ring

Summary || (Y/n) Shelby loses her ring and Thomas helps find it

Word Count || 1.2k

Pairing || Thomas Shelby x Reader

Warnings || There are no warnings

Notes || Hello! It's been a moment since i last posted but here i am with another fic! This one just came to mind while i was writing other fics and i just had to write it out! Super thanks again to @runnning-outof-time for proof reading! Go read her works she is absolutely amazing!

Overwhelming frustration surged through (Y/N) as she looked frantically around the house. Even the help was trying their best to look for it. (Y/n)’s wedding ring had gone missing. She swore up and down she never took it off her finger. It was a very uncommon occurrence for her to remove it. Which is why there was such a panic settled in her.   

The whole house had been searched and it still hadn’t turned up. Feeling defeated, tears started to prick her eyes as she tried to remember where she could have lost it. Not even noticing when her husband Thomas had got home. Too preoccupied with trying to find her precious ring. The Shelby was beating herself up for losing it. Deep down she knew Tommy wouldn’t be upset and just buy her a new one. The thought of having a new one broke her heart. This one means so much to her, it was the one he gave her when they had nothing. How hard Tommy worked to get her that one when they had almost not a dime to their name. It meant so much to her, showed how much he loved her and worked to get her a decent ring at that time in their life. That’s why she was desperate to find it. 

Seconds after he walked through the door, he could see the unusual panic in the house. Well, of his wife at least. Frances had told him the details of what’s been happening over the last few hours. Tommy let out a sigh before thanking the woman and going to his wife. He could see the frustration and panic written all over her. Carefully he walked over to her and placed his hand on her back.  

“Darling, it’s just a ring, I can buy you a new one.” He reassured her   

This seemed to be the wrong course of action. The tears she had been holding back started to fall down her cheeks. Pain was evident in her eyes as she looked at him. It made his heart clench at the sight, realizing what he said did not bring her any comfort at all.  

“I don’t want another ring! I want that one!” She cried   

At that she had moved away from Tommy and stood looking around the room. The man didn’t understand why it was such a big deal to her. It was just a ring, at least to him it was. They didn’t need a silly little piece of metal to show the love they have for each other. Though he didn’t understand, Tommy wanted too. It was clear it meant a great deal to her. Even if it wasn’t to him.  

“What makes you upset about losing the ring? It’s just a ring.”  

Tommy watched as she paused and turned to face him again. Taking the opportunity, he gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. He’d do anything to make his wife happy again, even if that means tearing up the house finding the ring she seems to love so much. Her lips trembled as she took a moment to gather her thoughts.  

“It’s not just a ring, Tommy. You got that for me when we didn’t have this life. When you couldn’t even afford a ring like that. I know how hard you worked for it. Just to get something nice even when I said not to worry. It showed me how much you truly love me and how far you went to get it. That’s why I want that one, it’s full of so much love. I don’t want just some pretty ring you can buy now. I want the one you worked tirelessly to get.”   

Tommy didn’t know what answer he was expecting but it wasn’t that. It made his love for her deepen as he heard her words. They pierced his heart. Sure, he worked hard for the ring but always felt his wife deserved a better ring. Hell, he even swore that when he made it, he’d get her a better ring. When he heard she lost it he thought it would be a good opportunity, but now? Now he just can’t bring himself to do that. Not when he knew she would hate whatever ring he bought her to replace the one she loves so dearly. Unknown to Tommy a smile had grown on his lips as (Y/n) explained why she didn’t want a new one. Leaning in he gave her a gentle kiss and pulled away to look at her.  

“We’ll find your ring.” He said  

“Thank you, Tommy.”   

‘Where did you have it last?” Tommy asked  

She paused and thought for a moment. 

“I remember seeing it in the garden last.”   

“Let’s go look there.”  

Tommy took her hand and walked out to the garden. He knew deep down if they did not find it, he would buy one to replace it. She would not like it, but he could not let her walk around without a wedding ring either. Tommy is still a man who wants to keep his wife to himself. He held onto the hope that they would find it out here, somehow. The couple split up to cover more area of the garden. After searching one area Tommy came to her favourite part of the garden. It was covered with her favourite flowers with a beautiful bench he had made with a table to accompany it.   

The spring winds blew around him while looking for the ring. First, he checked the table then the ground next to it. Both coming up empty. A glimmer in the bed of flowers caught his eye. Knowing what it was, he got down on one knee and picked the ring out of the flower bed. It amazed him how she could have come to love this old thing. But maybe he was starting to understand. Footsteps echoed to his left and he turned in that direction. (Y/n) stood a few feet from him and Tommy swore she never looked more beautiful. The sun is shining off her beautiful hair. Her eyes shining like priceless jewels, always full of love when she looked at him. Like he was the only thing in the world to her. Gently he picked a flower from the stem while standing to his feet.   

Noticing him coming toward her, (Y/n) rushed over and he could see the hope on her face. Smiling Tommy held up the ring, watching the giant grin that formed on her face.   

“You found it! Oh, thank you Tommy!”   

Wordlessly he took her left hand and slid the ring back onto her finger. Right at home where it belonged. He placed a kiss over the ring, making blush rise to his brides' cheeks at the sudden show of affection. The smile on his face showed just how much he loves the woman right in front of him. Feeling the romantic mood in the air, both leaned in for a kiss. A soft, slow kiss showing the love they still held for each other after all these years. Pulling away, he placed the flower he picked earlier behind her ear and held out his arm.  

“Let’s go inside and tell them you found it eh?”   

“Let’s, then I can help with cleaning up the mess I made in the house.”   

Thomas Shelby didn’t understand the love she held for that ring. Then, he understood, seeing the twinkle in her eyes and it shining off her finger after he found it. Thomas too, came to love that dingy old ring he bought years ago. Because it held all the love they held for each other. It’s truly as priceless as the woman he holds in his heart. 

[cheolhub]

i thin someone sent a himbo soobin and it got me thinking the same thing but for jeno 😭- 🌵

HIMBO!JENO

warnings. himbo!jeno and him being dumb and selfish and hot and having a massive [redacted] + multiple creampies and orgasms, squirting, slight dubcon. MINORS DNI.

note. this took forever sorry! it’s literally more dumbification than anything and it kinda sucks but i think that’s bc ive never written for nct before… UM ANYWAY HERE U GO (it’s short</3)

lee jeno is a lot like a dumb little puppy boy. there is not a single thought in that handsome head of his. he doesn’t understand the concept of his own strength or safe sex— he just fucks you till is fat cock has gone soft and god knows that it takes forever for that to happen.

he could’ve cum 3 times already and his raw cock is still bullying into your messy, worn pussy all the while he’s moaning and crying. he truly doesn’t even know that he’s crying because he’s sensitive after three orgasms— he’s just running his mouth, drool and tears running down his face like a messy, brainless pup.

“j-jeno! c-can’t cum ‘nymore.” you sob out while he continues to ram against your sweet spot.

‘n of course he’s all confused because, “of course you can? why can’t you?” the question comes out slurred. you know he’s gone dumb himself because how could even ask you that?

“‘s too much!” you cry, gasping as the bulbous tip of his cock kisses your cervix. “jeno, baby, please! can’t take it!”

“but i wanna cum again!” he whines annunciating his words with sharp thrusts, hands gripping your waist tightly and likely bruising the tender skin. “just one more time, please.” he doesn’t even realize you’re spent.

and you just don’t understand his stamina. there are 3 fat loads of his cum inside you and he wants more?

you pant desperately, “j-jen-oh!”

he slightly adjusts to where he’s pushing you deep into your plush mattress while he relentlessly pounds into you. you’re not even sure if he realizes how strong he is, but he seemingly doesn’t care, desperate for his own release.

you’re gasping and panting while he’s ramming into you like a mad man. you feel your entire body tighten and you know after the orgasm currently creeping up on you, you’re going to pass out.

“fuck, jeno!” you scream, feeling your cunt clench in attempts to push him out, gushing and creaming all over him— spraying the bed with your arousal. you’re body nearly seizes, convulsing under him while you continue to come down from the most intense high ever.

jeno pulls out and his eyes zero in on your pussy, clear liquid mixing with his previous white loads as you come undone— he can’t help but cum himself, fisting his cock with his large, veiny hand till he’s spurting a clear looking load onto your body.

you’re still sobbing under him, body exhausted, spent, sore, and extremely sensitive. he’s crying, sweating, and panting above you, hair disheveled but he still looks like the most handsome man alive.

you panic when he pushes his flushed, sensitive length back into you, body tensing and eyes widening. “b-baby, please,” you slur, hot tears falling down your face.

“this is really the last time, promise.”

© cheolhub — all rights reserved, please refrain from copying, reposting, modifying or translating my work on any platform.

[cheesec4kee]

they’re just nostalgia ⸺ CL¹⁶ ୨୧

you’ve always been the light in charles life. but he knows that if he wants to beat his childhood rival, he’ll have to let you go— even if it’s hard for him, he knows he can’t afford any distractions.

[ warnings ! ] : gn reader, brief mentions of alcohol, angst-ish ??, use of y/n once, poorly written

[ a/n ] : first time writing angst, so please don’t judge LMAO. based on the song ‘answer’ by Tyler the creator, and I initially wrote this as a joke but I needed something to post so there’s that. . anw hope u enjoy this !! (reblogs very much appreciated btw !!)

⸺ angst under the cut

he fumbled with the keys in his hands, hastily unlocking the door to the apartment that he shared with you. he closed the door quietly, sucking in a breath as he sees you sat on the couch— reading a book.

he’s greeted with a smile, and it nearly broke him. he loves you— he truly does, but not over his dream. to beat his childhood rival. he simply couldn’t let his efforts go of waste.

“how was practice?” you questioned, a soft smile tugging the corner of your lips, as he watched you close your book and set it down beside you on the couch.

“it was.. it was okay.” he mumbled with hands in his pockets as he avoided your gaze. he felt bad. you were everything he ever wanted— he felt stupid for even doing this. for choosing his dream over you.

“hey— uh, I think..”

“I think we should break up,” he murmured, his voice a mere octave above a whisper. shifting his weight from one leg to another uncomfortably, he cleared his throat awkwardly.

you were the light and joy in his life, and he knows it. you’re the only thing he looks forward to seeing after a shitty race, or after a bad qualifying. he’d search for you in the crowd, wanting to engulf himself purely in the warmth you provide.

his words hung in the air, the tension of emotions thick.

“why? what went wrong?” you managed to muster out, your voice coming out shakier than you thought it would be.

he stayed silent for a minute, before clearing his throat— his eyes boring into yours. “I found someone else,” he lies, his gaze softening— but you could tell that it had a distant look, like his mind was wandering elsewhere.

his words were like daggers being thrown on your heart, piercing right through it.

as tears welled up in your eyes, a wave of emotions washed over you. confusion, insecurity, and betrayal. you couldn’t help but start to question your worth to him. did you really mean something to him all this time, or was that all just a lie? you knew Charles was popular among the ladies. he was a good looking man, surrounded with women with scarcely credible beauty.

but you were hoping that the bond you two had was special, that it could resist any temptations you, or Charles had towards any other men or women. Charles was a beacon of light in your life, and you were his. you truly did believe that the connection between you two was strong enough to overcome any obstacles.

with a heavy heart, you knew you had to face the harsh reality of his confession. you knew you had to muster up the strength within you to let him go.

you couldn’t force someone to love you, after all.

“I swear, I loved you at some point but—”

“..I understand.” you cut him off and wiped your tears, swallowing back the tears threatening to spill out.

“I’ll pack my things.”

for the past few days after the breakup, Charles struggled to get rid of the memories that you left in his apartment. he struggled to get rid of the paintings the two of you made for fun, hell— he struggled to change his lock screen which was you.

he kept making excuses, excuses to not remove that little widget in his phone that was a photo of you— the photo he took secretly.

he could only stare at his lock screen, the guilt washing over him whenever he turned on his phone to see you. he could feel the nostalgia, his stomach churning uncomfortably.

he’s standing on the podium, lifting and glancing at the trophy he earned while reminiscing the memories and moments the two of you shared together, he could imagine how proud you would’ve looked at this very moment. he felt stupid for wishing that you were here even though he was the one who broke things off.

winning doesn’t feel the same without you. he misses the way you’d squeeze him so tight when he won, the heat radiating off of you— he doesn’t feel as happy as he usually would. it felt like that winning simply wasn’t worth it without you there to congratulate him.

he has the urge to message you. to ask you how you’ve been, if you were doing much better without him, but he knew he couldn’t. not after what he did to you.

he walks off the podium, his clothes reeking of champagne as he heads to the garage— before noticing his teammate, a wide smile on his face as he comes to congratulate him.

“you did well out there,” Carlos grins, wrapping a arm around Charles shoulder, squeezing him slightly.

Charles simply smiles, muttering a quiet ‘thanks’— though Carlos knows something was up. it was obvious for everyone that Charles seemed odd, seemed distant.

“you’re not gonna tell y/n about this?” he questions, raising an eyebrow as he pulls his arm away, noticing how stiff Charles was despite managing to win first after a while.

Charles stays quiet for a minute, before responding, “I’d call them, but—” Charles pauses, sucking in a breath and glancing at his teammate, before adverting his gaze elsewhere.

“they’re just nostalgia.”

[artificialbreezy]

Welcome Home

AN: had this lovely idea with @as-above-so-below1000 and got a lil carried away. please enjoy this fluffy smutty piece.

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x fem!reader

CW: Fluff, poorly written smut, unedited, pet names, if i’m missing anything please let me know

NSFW below the cut ◡̈

Noah had just gotten home from a long and very tiring couple of months overseas. He missed his lover in more ways than one and he couldn’t wait to get home to her. Days felt like weeks, weeks felt like months and all he wanted was to have her as close to him as possible. He didn’t care if that meant he took her to work with him, or she sat on the shower floor while he showered. He just wanted her, all of her. When he finally made through the threshold of his home and saw his pretty girl seated comfortably in the corner of the sectional, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He was home. She was home to him. “Oh baby, I missed you so much.” he sighed out loud. She jumped off the couch and ran to Noah. “Missed you way more! How was it? Did Europe treat you good?” He nodded down at this partner, holding her as close to him as he could. “Why don’t we go upstairs and cuddle. Just wanna hold ya” he mumbled into her hair. She nodded happily, grabbed his hand and made their way up to their shared bedroom.

Noah overheard a conversation between Nick and Jolly about cockwarming and the thought hasn’t left his mind. They said it truly was the way to be close to your partner. It wasn’t just sex, it was a way to feel them and be close. That’s all Noah wanted in that moment. He saw her sitting on the edge of his bed, smiling up at him. He knew he had to ask, he knew he needed to at least try. She could say no and he wouldn’t be mad, but he needed to push his worry of that to the side or he’d never ask. “Hey baby, can I ask you something real quick? he asked her quietly. She looked at him slightly confused, “course you can Noah.” He took a deep breath, “I heard the boys talking about something and I wanna try it out. I just missed you so much and I feel like nothing I do is gonna get you as close to me as this is and I just. I want you to sit on my cock.” Her eyes widened at his direct admission. “But not like riding me. I just wanna feel you. Hold you close, kiss on you a little. I just wanna have you as close to me as I can.” She stood up and nodded at him. “Okay. We can do that, I wanna do that.” She said to the man in front of her. Noah grabbed her hand and pulled her in between his spread legs.

“You can always say when you want to stop. Whenever it’s too much for you then we’ll be all done. Understood?” She reached up and held his face in her hands, “I understand Noah. I’ll take whatever you give me, happily.” He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. He reached down and grabbed the bottom of her shirt and slowly tugged it over her head, leaving her standing in front of him in just a pair of shorts. “No bra today?” he chuckled at the girl in front of her, “scandalous thing you are.” She took a step and took her shorts off. “Noah, I think you have too many clothes for what we’re about to do.” He laughed at his girlfriend's comment and lifted his shirt off his body. He pushed her gently towards his bed, undid the button on his jeans and slowly pulled those off his legs. “Ya sure you’re okay with this angel? Cause we can just cuddle naked and call it a day.” He saw her blush a light shade of pink and whisper, “wanna feel you.” He smirked at the girl and nodded. He climbed up into his bed and sat with his back to the wall. “C’mon pretty girl.” She climbed up into his lap and leaned down and pressed her lips to his. “I love you, Noah” she whispered against his mouth. “I love you more.” he responded. Before either one had time to speak more, she reached down and grabbed his member and lined it up to her entrance and slowly sank down. “Fucking hell. You’re so tight and warm” Noah grumbled. She leaned forward and laid her head against his chest, he reached behind her and started rubbing small circles on her back. They laid like that for what felt like hours. Until he adjusted and thrusted into her causing a soft whine to fall from her lips. He couldn’t ignore the sweet sound that fell from her and thrusted up again. “Noah, please” she moaned against his neck. “Whatcha need sweetie?” She groaned in response, suddenly feeling shy. “Can’t give you what you want unless you use your big girl voice baby.” “Again, please.” How could he tell her no? He thrusted his hips up softly. “Oh honey, I feel you squeezin me. You wanna cum don’t you? Want me to make you cum on my cock?” She nodded against him. He pressed a soft kiss to her head and grabbed her hips and slowly moved her against his cock. He wasn’t gonna let her do a single thing. He wanted her to sit there and look pretty while he wrecked her cunt. He picked up his pace and started moving her quicker, every now and then thrusting up just to feel her squeeze him. “Wanna cum, please.” She whimpered out. “Awe baby, don’t gonna ask me right now. Let go. Let me feel you cream my cock.” That was all she needed to let go. She bit down on his shoulder and grinned against him while she worked through her climax. “Fuck- i’m not gonna last baby.” “Cum inside me please Noah. Need it so bad. Missed you so much.” Noah groaned against her lips and gave one more thrust before he felt his cock twitch inside her. She moaned into the kiss as she felt his load leak inside her cunt. He slowed his movements and held her close. “I love you, so much. Thank you for that.” She quickly pecked his lips and smiled, “I have to say, I do feel way closer to you now. Might have to do that everytime you get home”

[xaviers-star-tassel]

⭐️ silent cry

✦ pairing: xavier / gn!reader

✦ genre: hurt to comfort

✦ warnings: probably badly written breakdown, feeling of emptiness and loneliness

✦ word count: 1.6k words

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ: there was never no need to hide your tears and feelings behind a fake smile. not when he was always there for you

⋆˙ ✦ note: as a huge stay and a silent cry lover, i couldn’t help myself but write this. this was probably the most fun i had while writing, though adding the lyrics into the story was harder than anticipated. stan stray kids y’all!! not proofread!

you had never been one to burden others with your feelings. perhaps it was that loud voice in your mind that kept on shouting to not annoy others around you, or just the fact that concerning people close to you filled you with guilt. you’ve always been told you were strong, and strong people don’t cry, right?

oh, how wrong everyone was. nobody knew that behind the smile you wore, behind every “i’m okay” you uttered, your poor heart was sobbing loudly. you dared not to show your vulnerability to anyone, not even the ones you considered friends, or even family. to be seen as disappointment was burdening your chest like an anvil.

that happy mask you always wore, simply to make others happy, seemed to shatter the moment you stepped foot in your dark room. the mental heaviness of your body and thoughts left you only sighing into the darkness, your frame harshly hitting the mattress. there was no joy in your eyes. you, who used to smile brightly, felt like you were slowly dying.

no one knew, yet a part of you felt glad. they didn’t deserve to be burdened by your troubles. even if no other person was there to listen to your nightly sobs and cries, you had made peace with that. for all you know, it was meant to be this way.

so there you were. in your room, dimly lit with the light radiating from your desk lamp, silently bawling your eyes out. your head laid on the pillow, the material of the sheet stained by the salty droplets of your tears. you weren’t aware of how long you had been crying, or why you even felt like it. it just happened, and there was no way to stop it. no matter how hard you tried, how much you tried to hold the tears in, it only made you cry more and harder.

your eyes burned, head was throbbing like it was repeatedly hit by a hard piece of metal. you could barely see the outlines of the furniture with how blurry your eyesight was. you wish you could just turn it off, to never feel again. or… to have someone you could cry to. but there wasn’t a person like that.

no one knew how you felt. at least, that was what you thought. one person knew all too well.

xavier was painfully aware of the pain in your eyes. the exhaustion behind your every smile. you were like a body without a soul, your gaze dull and almost empty. he wasn’t someone to notice other people’s feelings, moreover, he didn’t particularly care about the others.

but you weren’t just other person for him. you were special. he wanted to be your support, the shoulder to cry on. he was willing to be of help to you, no matter what would make you happy. truly happy.

yet you never approached him, and xavier couldn’t understand why. wouldn’t it be easier for you to let go of everything you held in? he would listen to your silent cry, that much was something he made clear to himself. your happiness was the most important thing to him, so why wasn’t it yours?

he was standing by your door, trying to listen to any sound coming from behind them. but your apartment was eerily quiet, as if you weren’t even there. but he knew better. he knew you were inside, suffering on your own.

as you laid on your bed, aggressively wiping the uncontrollable tears flowing down your cheeks, a knock erupted through the space of your abode. in panic, you jumped up, running to the bathroom to look at yourself.

the sight wasn’t pretty, it was anything but. your eyes were red, your hair a mess and face fully wet from tears. just the sight of yourself made you tear up even more. you bowed your head down, splashing handfuls of ice cold water on your face.

once you dried your face, you stumbled toward the door, possibly knocking something in the process. your hand made contact with the handle, and with a last deep breath, you swung the door open to reveal xavier.

“xavier! what are you doing here?” you mustered up the energy to smile brightly, hoping he would look over the red rim around your eyes.

you glanced down to notice a small box in his hand, and you immediately knew it were the macarons you liked the most. it was the packaging of it that gave away the content, and it made your heart flutter with genuine joy. even though it was a sparkle, it was enough.

“can i come in?” xavier asked with his usual calm tone.

the question surprised you, but you let him in anyway. with how dark your apartment was, his step to your room was careful, mindful of his surroundings. you quietly followed behind him, silently wishing he would explain his visit.

once you stood by your bed, xavier placed the box on the nightstand, right under the lit lamp before facing you. that was when you noticed the knot in between his eyebrows, not very far from a frown.

before you could say anything, his hand grabbed onto yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. your gaze fell down to your intertwined hands, then back at him. your eyes were round in surprise, and you barely bit back a gasp that threatened to fall from your mouth.

“why are you smiling when you don’t feel like it?” he whispered quietly, his free hand going up to cup your cheek.

he could feel the dried pathways of your tears beneath his palm. the cold water that you splashed your face with earlier didn’t get rid of the evidence of your tears fully, as it appeared. the pad of his thumb grazed ever so gently against your skin, drawing soothing circles over your cheekbone.

“what are you talking about? i’m okay,” you lied with a smile, though you could feel the tears prickling behind your eyelids.

“you always say that, but i can see how your heart sobs,” xavier’s voice was but a mere whisper as he drew you closer.

the forced smile began slowly faltering from your lips, and it was soon replaced by a quiver. without even realizing, a sob rippled through you, making it hard for you to hide your tears. one by one, like pearls falling from a torn necklace, tear droplets ran down your face. you couldn’t continue pretending to be alright, not when xavier was around.

a wave of relief washed over the man standing in front of you. he smiled softly as he engulfed you in a warm embrace, letting your tears stain his sweater. he didn’t mind. at least you weren’t alone in this, you had him now.

“don’t be the only one hurting,” he murmured into the crown of your head, earning a choked cry as a reply.

you tried to muster up a response, but nothing more than a sob came out. xavier shushed you gently, wordlessly saying that words weren’t needed.

careful with his movements, he settled on your bed. back leaning against the headboard, his arms reached out to pull you down on his lap. you had no energy to fight against it, in fact, you didn’t even want to. his warmth was soothing, and somehow nostalgic.

xavier’s arms held you tightly, like you’d slip away from his grasp if he let go. you cried and cried, body trembling and tears falling. loud sobs and pained whimpers filled the room, the dark place of all your deep sorrows.

even in his arms, it still hurt. why did it all have to hurt so much? and what was it that hurt? you weren’t even sure anymore. you couldn’t even tell if you had a reason to cry at all. it all felt useless, and utterly pointless. it felt unfair that xavier had to deal with your feelings, wrong even. you should push him away, right? you were a deepspace hunter, his partner. you were meant to be strong…right?

just as you were about to pull away, still crying heavily, you felt xavier’s slender fingers on the back of your head, gently pushing your head onto his chest.

“lean on me. i won’t let you go,” he whispered close to your ear, his lips brushing against your temple as he planted a gentle kiss on it.

xavier sat there with you, not uttering a sound as you let every tear out. his left hand gently caressed your hair, untangling the knots with a gentle touch, while the other drew soothing patterns on your back. his sweater was pretty much soaked by the time you were done, but he couldn’t care less. his favorite piece of clothing meant nothing compared to your happiness.

“thank you,” you managed to whisper, your voice hoarse and almost gone.

“you don’t have to thank me,” he shook his head, looking into your still teary eyes. “i’ll listen to your silent cry. always.”

his lips touched your forehead, calloused hands cupping your cheeks. he softly brushed the tear trails away, keeping his gaze on you. his touch was gentle, comforting. this man, the one who killed wanderers without mercy, treated you with upmost love and care. as if every crevice of your body was made of the most fragile glass.

“when you lose strength, i’ll hold you. i’ll say ‘it’s okay’ to you. just don’t cry alone, not when i’m here. not when i’m near,” xavier said in a quiet tone, leaning your head down to let you rest on his shoulder.

the heat of his body completely relaxed your muscles, putting your mind at ease. his chest slowly rose and fell as he breathed calmly, lulling you to sleep. your eyes began to close, and within a moment, you were asleep.

xavier didn’t leave your side, he wouldn’t dare. he stayed with you the whole night, occasionally waking up from his slumber to make sure you were sound asleep. as much as he valued his sleep, he valued you more.

he loved you more than anything.

© xaviers-star-tassel

[strniohoeee]

make a sub!matt smut where matt is getting head from the reader and is whimpering like crazy asking if he's her good boy and stuff🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

How Good?

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Matt’s stressed, and Y/N wants to help him🥹

Warnings⚠️: THIS IS SMUTTTT, also Idk that I made him subby enough now that I’m thinking about it, but uhh it’s already written so enjoy LMAOO😭

Song for the imagine: Cherry Hill- Russ

⚠️This is an 18+ imagine, so minors do not interact, or do??⚠️

Matt’s been super stressed and annoyed lately. I presume it’s because of tour just ending, and him and his brothers having to start filming content back to back. I get it he was tired and just wanted to truly relax.

He would come back most nights just annoyed and wanting to play Fortnite. I know Matt’s usually non verbal about his issues at first, so I let him play, and then when he’s ready he rants to me.

I loved when he ranted I just sat there staring up at him in awe. Just all ears and all eyes letting him tell me his worries. I would respond back to him and let him know I was here for him. Then we would lay down while I rubbed my nails along his back and through his hair. Allowing him to melt into my touch as he would doze off.

But I wanted to give him more, and I wanted to please him. It was rare Matt would ever let me give him head. I didn’t understand why. Sometimes I had to beg him to let me suck his dick, so unfair.

Tonight was the same thing. He came home a bit stressed and decided to hop on the game. I was sitting on the bed reading a book as he played. Occasionally slamming his hand down and getting upset

He kept breathing hard and sucking his teeth. My poor baby, maybe I should help him. I started to think and a beautiful idea popped in my head. I would give him head and I wouldn’t allow him to tell me no

“Matt” I called out to him

“Yeah” he said still looking at the game

“Can you come over here” I said

“I’m in the middle of the game” he responded

“Please” I said

“I’m about to win one second please” he said sitting up

“FUCK YES” he said standing up from the table and getting excited

“You won?” I asked him

“Hell yeah I did” he said taking off his headset, and shutting the game off

“Can I now have your attention” I said

“Yes my beautiful girl, I’m sorry” he said coming over to the bed and leaning in to kiss me

“I want to give you something, and I need you to not say no” I said to him

“Okay?” He asked furrowing his brows

I got up from the bed placing my book on the nightstand

“Sit” I said pointing to the edge of the bed

Matt sat down still looking at me confused

“Whip your dick out” I said looking at him

“Why do you want me to whip my cock out?” He said laughing

“Because I want to suck your dick duh who asks that” I said looking at him in a dumbfounded way

“You don’t have to do that you know this” he said rolling his eyes

“Matt! I want to okay stop depriving me of sucking your dick. I want to take the stress off of my boyfriend, and what better way than to choke on your cock” I said laughing

“Dirty mouth” he said looking at me

“Are you whipping it out, or do I have to beg some more?” I asked

“Fine fine” he said putting his hands up

I went to get down on my knees but Matt stopped me

“Hold on” he said putting his finger up

He leaned back and grabbed a pillow placing it on the floor for my knees

“I don’t want your knees to hurt” he said looking up at me and smiling

“Such a gentlemen” I said kissing him

He slid his sweatpants down and I got down on my knees

“Mmm for someone who doesn’t want their dick sucked you sure are hard” I said looking up at him as I palmed him over his boxers

“Shit” he moaned out quietly

He lifted up so I could pull his boxers down allowing his cock to spring out. My eyes growing excited at the sight

“Baby you don’t have to do this” Matt said in a whisper

“Just shush and enjoy” I said grabbing his dick

As soon as I grabbed his dick his mouth fell slack and he shut his eyes letting his head fall back a little bit

I spread his pre cum from the tip down slowly, watching his body shudder. I started to jerk his dick slowly making sure I squeezed the tip

“Feeling good baby?” I asked looking up at him

“Yes oh my god yes” he said in a whimper

I looked up at him through my lashes to see him looking down at me with his bottom lip in between his teeth. Fuck he’s so hot

I licked Matts tip looking up at him to see him with his mouth hung open and his chest rising and falling deeply

I swirled my tongue around his tip before bringing my head down to take Matt’s whole length into my mouth

“Fuckkk” Matt whispered out

I came back up, swirling my tongue around his tip before going back down. My head bobbing up and down, hallowing my cheeks out

“Fuck you’re so good to me” he moaned out letting his head fall back

I continued to bob my head up and down moaning around Matt’s dick allowing the vibration to stimulate him more. I started to lick from the base all the way up to his tip before taking his full length into my mouth again

I allowed my hands to run up and down his thighs, taking my nails down causing him to get goose bumps. I grabbed Matt’s hand allowing him to run his hands through my hair

“You’re being such a nice boy” I said pulling away while stroking his cock

“Am I being a good boy for you?” He asked in a whimper breathing heavily as he looked down at me

“You are” I said licking my lips and going back to sucking his dick

“I can be such a good boy…FUCK” he moaned out grabbing my hair as I sucked harder

I pulled away and looked up at him “how good?” I asked stroking his dick

“Very fucking good I promise” he said licking his dry lips

“Mmmm I might let you cum in my mouth then” I said

“Fuck please please” he said looking at me with lazy eyes

I went back down to suck on his tip as I jerked his shaft.

He started to shutter and I knew he was cumming soon

“Are you going to cum pretty boy?” I asked jerking him harder

“Yes…fuck yes” he said

I started to bob my head faster as he hit the back of my throat causing me to gag

“IM GOING TO CUM OH MY GOD” he yelled out as his hips bucked up

I pulled away stroking his dick faster

“Come on, be a good boy and cum for me” I said licking my lips

He held eye contact with me as I stroked harder, his mouth falling slack as his lower abdomen contracted

“I’m going to cum” he moaned out rolling his neck and licking his lips

Within a few more strokes his thighs started to shake, and his mouth fell open

“OHHH myyy GODD” he moaned out as he came on my tongue

Painting my tongue in his white strips of cum. I swallowed looking directly into his eyes. His breathing was heavy as he came down from his as he looked at me with half lidded eyes.

“So fucking good to me” he said petting my face

“Always baby” I said getting up as he helped me up taking the pillow and putting it back on the bed

Matt pulled his boxers and pants up, huffing and laying back on the bed

I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, and I came back joining him on the bed

“Thank you baby. I didn’t realize how badly I needed that release” he said pulling me into him

“This is why you should always let me help you” I said kissing his cheek

“I love you” he said looking over at me

“I love you too” I said smiling before pecking him on the lips

The End

I hope you enjoyed this one 😭 I feel like I didn’t really write for the request, but I wrote it already so yall just gonna have to enjoy it LMAOO🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[s1ater]

soulmates.

pairings. george weasley x fem!slytherin!reader

about. in which everyone has a soulmate and whatever written marks are on ones skin, appears on the others. but in this case... you're not allowed to have one.

warnings. nothing, unedited

ricky rocks.

“who are you?”

“who are you?”

it was a bad idea all from the beginning. but fred said what was there to lose and truly, george believed that there wasn’t anything until it hit him like a brick what it all meant.

never in his life did george ever find writings on his body until that day. no doodles, no marks, nothing that needed to be remembered; printed on his skin left by his significant other—which in hindsight seemed like a blessing, especially with a mother like his. but to george, it hurt his feelings for the longest time… until he just didn’t care and had other things to worry about.

not until a couple of days ago.

4.13, 6:20 - knockturn alley.

it was the eleventh when the neat writing appeared on his wrist in his potions class and he wasn’t even the one to notice it.

“you have priorities, george?” he looked down to luna who motioned to the barely noticeable scribbles inked to his forearm. he frowned, glancing it over, before looking back up to the girl.

“i guess so,” he unintentionally pulled up on his sweater, covering the writing, unsure what to make of it.

he thought it was a prank, that fred had somehow written it on him while he was sleeping or whenever he wouldn’t have noticed—but that was absolutely impossible. he was a light sleeper and what was the point? that’s what fred said; what would the point of him to write that on him?

he didn’t know what it was, he was lost to say the least till it hit him and he felt very stupid.

“it’s your soulmate, george,” fred almost gasped, looking down to the writing, “only logical thing.”

“you’re right.”

george had been waiting for this day, forever, and now that it had finally came, he didn’t know what to do about it.

“you got to go there, obviously. think about it george, why else would it be there? it’s practically an invitation, you’ve got to take it!”

and he did, but now he was starting to wish he didn’t.

he stood in knockturn alley, leaned against the dark cobblestone wall with a terrible feeling of something crawling up his spine.

this wasn’t right, something was very off. why would his soulmate want to meet him here, let alone be comfortable enough to come here?

he checked his watch.

6:11.

he definitely didn’t think this out. the more he goes over it in his mind, he knew he should have accepted fred’s invitation to come with just in case something went wrong—well, more like an excuse to budge in on this special moment.

“you’re in my potions class.”

he watched your eyes narrow in on him and a sudden look of clarity came across your face to recognition. the hostile look from before dispersed and you couldn’t help but look soft in all aspects.

“what’re you doing here?”

he raised his forearm like a reflex to your question and his sleeve slumped down to show your fading penmanship on his wrist. you almost gasp as you couldn’t help but allow natural reaction to consume you. your eyes go wide and without thinking you grab onto his arm with a step closer, examining the ink.

you raised your own arm, showing the exact replica.

“how-how is this possible?”

“don’t you know, sweetheart?” he leans slightly to your height with a killing smile. “we’re soulmates.”

you look petrified, “you need to go.”

“why?”

“you just need to go, now is not the time.”

“now, hold on, i’ve been waiting for a very long time to meet you and you’re just brushing me off,”

“yes, george, that’s great, but listen; wrong time,”

his eyes are narrowed, obviously so lost to the matter of your anxious--and almost hostile--nature. he didn't understand why a more negative outcome was presenting itself to him rather than the positive joy he had felt. everything in his body felt suddenly so heavy from disappointment as he looked at you, searching for anything but what you were offering him.

george tipped his head back, looking away from you. it was like watching all life and hope drain from his eyes once he no longer looked at you--and boy did you feel terrible.

george ran a hand down his face, his eyes dragging across everything but you, until--it clicks. it's as if he suddenly because aware of everything and he feels like a complete fool for not connecting it immediately.

"you're one of them."

**

"I'm not meant to have a soulmate."

it had been a month since you and george had your encounter at knockturn alley. everyday after that moment, george had to question if you were real or not because you had disappeared out of thin air. you weren't in school, you weren't in class, and not even fred had seen you.

he almost considered it was a fever dream after connecting all the dots and realizing you were an up and coming death eater. that was until you somehow ended up right on his front doorstep.

"I knew it was you... for awhile," you sat across from him at the dining room table of his home, your hands clasped in front of you and your eyes lining out the grooves of the old wooden table. "I remember when we were children, freshly first years, you used to draw little stars and flowers on your forearm, right here," you unclasped your hands just to draw your finger against his forearm, lightly smiling in remembrance. "my parents hated that."

your smile slowly dispersed from your face in thought and you withdraw your hand, "I was truly scared, you know? even if your soulmate is meant to be the one and only, I always thought that wouldn't be the case and there was an off chance that you wouldn't want me... especially with how different we are."

george's heart felt very heavy all of a sudden. he wanted to reach out, to reassure you, but he kept himself steady, letting you speak.

"last year, my world was flipped on it's axis. my parents made a very important decision for me and decided I would become one of them. it was the safest option, to work for the dark lord himself. the moment I met him, he made sure my soulmate, or you in this case, wouldn't be a problem nor remotely accessible to me because of our different backgrounds," your eyes are still closely speculated on the table. "but I guess that obviously didn't work."

he wants you to look at him. somehow everything that had just came out of your mouth seemed very insignificant to him, and the only thing he could find himself caring about is the fact that you were right there, right in front of him.

he was losing his mind in thought.

you were right there. even during the first encounter, he didn't feel like he was going to physically combust.

"I want to help you."

"you can't help me."

"you can't expect me not to."

"I'm too far in to be helped," you shake your head, finally looking at him. "I can't be with you george, I'll get you killed."

"there's millions of people in this world, y/n, not one I find worth dying for but you," his hand find your arm. "I'll love you, even if it kills me."

[querenciasturniolo]

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii❤️❤️ i love your chris fics, could you write one about how y/n has been best friends with the triplets for a while now & has been on their podcasts and also in their car videos but her and chris has had a secret relationship but fans start speculating when a photo surfaces of her & chris having matching nails painted?? like maybe hers is green with a black heart on one finger and his is black with a green heart? thank you!!

slip ⮕ c.s.

word count: 1.1k

warnings: secret relationship, angst, comfort, she/her pronouns

summary: you’re feeling a little overwhelmed with hiding your relationship, but chris knows exactly what to do

a/n: this was very cute to write, and i LOVED it 💓 i couldn’t find a good reference picture for your exact idea, so i changed it just a smidge xx

everything written is completely fictional. the people i write for are written with characteristics and mannerisms that i made for them, this is in no way depicting what would actually happen in real life.

“Nick, what did you post?”

Nick looked up from his phone and frowned.

“What do you mean?”

You opened your phone, hundreds of notifications flying in at once on your most recent post. “I’m getting like, a million comments about me and Chris. Did you say anything?” You asked. You knew he didn’t but you were confused as to why everyone was asking about your relationship.

“Of course not, it’s just a photo of all of our hands making a star.” He said, standing up and walking towards you. You clicked on Nick’s story, seeing the photo of all of your nails and sighing.

“I didn’t realize how obvious it was.” You grumbled, locking your phone and rubbing your hand over your eyes.

“Do you want me to delete it?” He asked. You shook your head.

“No, no. It’s fine, really.” You said. “It just caught me off guard, you know?”

You’d never really been in the limelight, ever. Their social media presence always baffled you, especially when you and Chris had gotten together. You’d known them forever, but it still confused you.

It wasn’t until your followers started growing out of nowhere that you realized how much impact that they truly had. Seeing the enormous amount of people who were crazy about them who also wanted to see more of you in videos was…shocking, to say the least. You also didn’t understand how perceptive fans could be.

Every other comment was about the way Chris looked at you, and how when you started speaking, even if he was in the middle of talking, he’d stop and listen intently. You’d seen countless edits on Tiktok of you and Chris, the way both of your eyes lit up when talking to each other, whether you were in the background of a video or front and center.

It was crazy, seeing the way these people were completely right about something that you and Chris hadn’t even hinted at.

Nick sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t even thinking about your matching nails.”

“No, no. Don’t apologize, it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting the uproar.” You said, laughing quietly to yourself. “It’s really no big deal, honest. Don’t beat yourself up about it, it’ll be fine. It’s more suspicious if you delete it, anyway.” You said, resting your hand on Nick’s shoulder.

You pulled away and gestured towards the stairs. “I’m gonna go talk to Chris, I’ll see you later.” You said, Nick nodding his head. The last thing you wanted was to upset him, but you knew he’d be okay. You walked up the stairs to Chris’ room, dropping down on his bed next to him and looking over at him. He looked over at you, his eyebrows raised.

“Well, hello. What’s up?” He asked, locking his phone and dropping it on his chest.

You sighed through your nose and shrugged, looking up at the ceiling. It was hard, keeping this secret. You knew it was for the best right now, but you wished you could show off your boyfriend like other people.

“That was convincing. What’s going on, love?” He asked, turning onto his side and propping his head up on his hand and looking down at you.

You met his eyes again, nothing but concern shimmering in the icy blue of his iris’. You sighed again and shook your head.

“How long are we gonna keep hiding this?” You asked, your voice small. “Are you…ashamed of me?” You felt pathetic asking him something like that. He’d never made you feel that way, but you couldn’t help but wonder.

He frowned down at you, his jaw slack before he spoke. “Of course not, where did that come from?” He asked, resting his free hand over you and pulling you closer to him. He rested next to you, pulling you until your arm was wrapped around him and your head was resting on his chest.

“It’s stupid, forget I said anything.” You said, relaxing completely when his fingers began carding through your hair. His free hand entwined in yours, his thumb lightly running over your knuckles at a steady pace.

“Well, I’m not going to forget about anything. My girl thinks I’m ashamed of her, and I want to know what made her feel that way.” He said, your heart skipping a beat at the title. You looked down at both of your hands, smiling at the little frogs on his last three fingers. He had playfully whined about how the frogs would look goofy, but eventually admitted that it reminded him of Frog and Toad, and he was glad he did it.

“I just…I want to be able to show you off, you know? I know you want to keep it a secret, and that’s fine and I understand. It’s just…I want to be able to post pictures for our friends and families to see, if that makes any sense.” You rambled.

Chris was quiet for a while, but you could tell he was thinking. It wasn’t often that he was quiet, but you knew that when he was, he was genuinely trying to think of the best way to answer a question or the best solution to an issue. He sat up then, pulling himself from you quickly and adjusting a pillow to rest against his bed frame. You watched as he leaned back and met your eyes, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He patted the mattress between his knees.

“Come here.” He said. You chuckled and shook your head but complied. Your back was resting against his chest. He rested his hand over yours, entwining your fingers and lifting your hand up. “Straighten your hand.” He said, his voice soft. You smiled, and turned your head to look at him, but did as he said. He straightened his as well, both of your nails on display. He picked his phone up off of the mattress and opened his camera. The camera flashed, your brows furrowed as he let go of your hand and opened Instagram.

“What are you doing?” You asked. He shushed you as he created a new post and clicked on the picture. Your heart rate spiked as he typed a caption, tagged you in the photo and hit post. You pulled away from him as he locked his phone, your eyes wide as you met his. “Why did you do that?” You whispered.

Chris’ smile was contagious, your own making its way across your face as he shrugged his shoulders.

“My finger slipped.”

You shook your head at him, your heart feeling like it was going to burst as you leaned in and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose.

“I love you, you dork.” You whispered, Chris practically beaming up at you.

“I love you, too.” He said, his voice almost lower than yours.

You could feel the vibration of his phone against the mattress, your own phone going crazy in your pocket, but you didn’t care. It hit you just then why people were so crazy about him—because how could they not be?

[ayashitetsuko]

An open letter to David Jenkins

Some fans believe that we should not vent our anger and frustration to show creators. I don’t believe that. The thing about being a professional is that receiving criticism is part of your job—especially if you have done a terrible job.

OFMD went from groundbreaking to disappointing overnight.

There was a momentum to create a queer media that is smart, fun, sexy, and most importantly, respectful. In the way they are writing these queer characters. Especially older and disabled queer characters, a reflection of a generation of marginalised communities that have gone through so much. To give audience a glimpse of hope in their escapism.

But sir, you choose to Remus Lupin him instead.

This is not just about killing off a character. Hell, I might be willing to accept it. After all, I have read and even written fics with MCD in it—involving my favourite character.

But I want you to know that this is a special case. It is not just another popular character being killed off to drive plots.

I have issue with how you kill off a queer character that represents many marginalised communities in his arc.

Izzy is an abuse survivor who becomes disabled as a result of it. Izzy is a queer elder. Izzy is suicidal but manages to overcome it with the healing power of love and community.

Having him killed off just like that is a huge slap for fans who have gone through what he has gone through. Turns out, even in fiction, in our escapism, there is no joy. Only despair.

Also. Father figure? Where does that come from? Ed has never been shown to have any level of respect for Izzy. So let me ask you again. Where does “father figure” come from?

You have an opportunity to make a difference with OFMD; to be remembered in history for the right reasons. Yet somehow you choose not too. You choose to turn this into cheap, sensationalist entertainment where death and torture are thrown around for shock value.

It is like you have no idea how much power you have by being a professional storyteller.

Let me break it down to you. For you as a writer, perhaps killing off Izzy is nothing but an artistic choice. A plot point to figure out. But for audiences in marginalised groups, stories are mirrors. They see themselves in stories. That is how stories give them hope. This is why OFMD has never been “just a pirate story”. Perhaps this is hard to understand if you have never been part of an underrepresented community in the mainstream media, but this is how many are feeling about your work now. Your legacy.

OFMD has truly become an overnight failure. I don’t know how this happened. I would like to blame budget cuts, but your Vanity Fair interview makes me realise this is all deliberate choice.

So, what is next for us Canyonites?

If anything, this convinced me that queer and disabled people should write. And continue to write.

We can no longer trust major media to speak for us. We definitely can never trust David Jenkins again. Any form of progressiveness that he showed earlier was just coincidence, apparently. Even worse, it was fake.

As my friend Sam beautifully puts it, Izzy belongs to us now. We reclaim that character and give him all the happy endings he deserves in our fic, our art. We transform the works. We write about queer, disabled, suicidal characters the way the deserve to be written. If being a published writer is the path you choose, make sure you make wiser decisions than David Jenkins.

Thank you, sir. It was good while it lasts.

But this is a terrible job that you’re doing.

[anxiouspotatorants]

Actually you know what I need to rant about this: while literati is technically a good girl x bad boy dynamic it is written so incredibly well and avoids so many pitfalls and stereotypes that it makes a good girl x bad boy hater like myself (I’m only half joking — I don’t think any trope is inherently good or bad but I tend to dislike most pairings with this dynamic) fall head over heels for their story and relationship.

So much of what makes the two of them work is the contrast between how others perceive them and how they truly are. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who understand who Rory is as a person (Lorelai, Lane, Paris, Richard and Emily to a certain degree for starters), but she's constantly met with the expectation that she just does good and is supposed to make everyone proud 24/7. Stars Hollow as a group especially are big on this, as seen f. ex. through how Taylor takes Rory's one comment about an inappropriate DVD and twists the whole thing into a censorship crusade and makes Rory its poster-child even though she wants nothing to do with it and tells him so repeatedly. But instead of hearing Rory disagree with him (like he would Lorelai and Luke) he assumes that she actually agrees with him - and why shouldn't she when she's the perfect sunshine paragon of good who would never disagree with her elders? Also her grandparents treat her as incredibly fragile and childlike, like she must be too innocent to ever do anything wrong and so whenever she does something it has to be somebody else's fault (usually Lorelai, but occasionally Jess or whoever else was present). Time and time again Rory is treated like something innocent and naive and weak — but not by Jess. He sees her as a person.

And it obviously goes the other way too. Jess is treated like shit by pretty much everyone else. Either people hate him unprovoked or very much provoked (he did do a lot of pranks in his first few weeks and while I'm a Dean-hater I'm not blind to how much Jess picked fights with him), or they’ve simply given up on him. He tells Rory himself that every authority figure he had back in New York gave up on him too, from teachers to principals to his very own mother. But Rory doesn’t treat him like a lost cause, she treats him like the smart, brilliant and asshole-ish teen that he is. By having faith in him she also often holds him more accountable than others. Where f. ex. Lorelai or the other adults just roll their eyes, Rory physically drags Jess into doing his shifts at the diner. While others write him off, Rory chews Jess’ ear out for not helping Luke more and for willfully making enemies out of the Stars Hollow adults.

They don't put each other on pedestals or below each other. Jess doesn’t try to make a sinner out of Rory and she doesn’t try to make a saint out of him. There’s genuine respect between them. They expect each other to have integrity and treat others with kindness and honesty, and the rest is good old chemistry and common interests.

I particularly love how in so many of their scenes (especially pre-relationship) when they spend time alone they just get to be these goofy nerdy kids. They argue about controversial authors and dig through records shops and eat hot dogs and make fun of each other and try to make each other laugh. It’s not just sexual chemistry as it too often is in a dynamic like this (and often uncomfortably sexual when writing teenagers - looking at you Gossip Girl), and not just well written intellectual chemistry — they have platonic chemistry too. A hell of a lot of it actually.

While I don’t think ASP wrote them through a purely deconstructionist lens on the good girl x bad boy dynamic (if she did plan on writing the dynamic at all), there is something to be said about how where many around them treat them like stereotypes they treat each other like people. To so many people, Rory is a perfect small town princess, a little miss sunshine with booksmarts for days but too delicate and sweet for anything with grit and weight. To a lot of the same people and many more Jess is a pathetic brutish and maniacal lost cause, hell personified in a chainsmoking leather-wearing teenager. But to each other they are actual human beings. Kind and mean and flirtatious and scared and reckless and smart. Rory really thinks that with the right motivation and mindset Jess can be the kind who does (and at the end wrote) incredible things. Jess really believes that with a little more practice and support to step out of her comfort zone she can be the amazing journalist she wishes to be.

They don’t have this stupid «we’re so bad for each other but we can’t stay away» thing that too many trope users rely on and don’t even justify in the plot. Everyone else might think they’re not fit for each other, but they knew they were each other’s person from the very first day.

[sleepingelvhen]

Smutty Drabbles [1]

Doctor Veritas Ratio/Al-Haitham/Wriothesley

Just a few quickly written NSFW drabbles to keep you all satisfied while I work on my next multi-chapter stories.

Masterlist

🌹 I hope these are satisfactory. 🌹

As always, Minors please DO NOT interact or follow

VERITAS RATIO

Doctor Ratio wasn’t someone to fuck with. Especially in an academic setting. He was shrewd, detail-oriented, and unafraid to tell someone they were an idiot if he thought so. No one was safe from his scrutinization, words one didn’t know existed were tossed at people, confusing them as he insulted their idiocy. 

Yet, it wasn’t truly his intention to ‘insult’ people. Veritas’ idea of an idiot was simply someone who didn’t try to access the knowledge that should be available for every person in the universe. It wasn’t difficult for him to gain knowledge, why shouldn’t everyone have the chance? But idiots don’t understand that because they are willfully ignorant. And that pisses Veritas off more than anything in the world. He could handle stupid questions, he could deal with ignorance as that could easily be cured or redirected. But idiocy…willful idiocy…it was a sickness that couldn’t be cured simply because a true idiot didn’t care to become more than they could be.

Everyone was capable of more, he hated when people squandered the many chances to become more. 

But a man like that wasn’t free from carnal desires. Often he found it easy to ignore such baser needs, his nose buried in a book, in his personal studies, and in simply enjoying his warm baths. It irritated him when he met you, your intellect and willingness to overcome your hurdles made him desire so much. He wondered why you made him feel this way. Veritas surrounded himself with intelligent people, only allowed smart people to be his friends and he had plenty of the opposite sex. But it was you that drew these feelings out. Preposterous. 

He hated that, and yet he found himself in his bath, book sitting to the side, his hand wrapped around his weeping cock. He was loud when he felt such pleasure, body twitching as he rubbed, rolling his wrist to pull out that feeling.

What did your voice do to him? Such a lilting noise, one that overwhelmed his head, so perfect he heard it even now in his lonesome. He moaned out. A pathetic noise, he thought to himself, to allow himself this weakness. But it felt so good, and the image in his mind was irresistible. Your body, legs wrapped firmly around his waist, him driving his cock up into you over and over again. He imagined how you might sound, guttural moans being ripped from your throat. Oh, how he would fuck you senseless. Veritas threw his head back, gasping for air as his cum joined the now cold bath water, breathless as the warmth of his release spread through his body, accompanied by the shame of his actions.

His wiped his face, gritting his teeth as he uttered a curse at himself. But he would see you tomorrow, so perfect in your outfit, carrying books and notepads, watching you head to your next class. More fuel to the fire that he found utterly impossible to quell inside of him. What would you think of him if you saw him now?

AL-HAITHAM

Not many people really noticed Al-Haitham. Not until he was promoted to Acting Grand Sage and then his life as a quiet, ‘feeble’, scholar was utterly disrupted. People flooded his new office, the advice box filling up nearly every single day, and the amount of people throwing themselves at him. Al-Haitham rubbed his temples, if it wasn’t people wanting him to sign off on thesis papers, there were people trying to get on his good side in the most fake, sickening way. He’s had random men and women vying for his attention with flirtations he simply ignored, he’s had people beg him on their knees for favors with the promises of the most disgusting things imaginable. 

He couldn’t stand it. People bothering him was the reason he had his headphones, the white noise usually enough to keep him from hearing any background noise. But with everyone in his face, the headphones lost their purpose and with his position, it was practically impossible to avoid talking to people. 

Al-Haitham’s home was his reprieve, unable to find himself sane enough to deal with Kaveh’s yammering or even wanting to go out with Cyno and Tighnari. People got on his nerves.

And yet when you came to him for advice, you seemed to be the only person that didn’t throw yourself at him. Simple advice, kind smiles, intelligent approaches and ideas. Al-Haitham found it refreshing. Which turned to him accepting to go to coffee with you, his mind relaxing the more you visited, the exhaustion of handling his duties disappearing when you were a part of the equation.

He had no idea what this meant until the day you came over to his place for his help studying. Which ended with him pressing you into the table, your ‘study session’ turning into him fucking you stupid. He hadn’t dealt with these desires much before. Obviously, as a human, he had the urges before but promptly ignored them, no true interest in the feeling. His time was better spent on books and studying. 

But as soon as he had heard your teasing tone, when he saw you relaxed in his home, somehow he found himself burning in a way he couldn’t ignore. 

You were addicting, and the feeling of his cock stuffed into you was enough to make him go mad. Like he had learned forbidden knowledge, he lost all control over himself. Your touch, your body squirming under him, your loud moans beneath his gasps and groans. It drove him utterly mad. After that day, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to keep his hands off of you.

WRIOTHESLEY

What an intimidating presence Wriothesley held, his confidence intimidating, his strength infamous in the brawling ring in the Fortress of Meropide. Most people were smart enough not to piss him off. But on occasion he had to show people who was the boss, the duke that kept things in order. 

Seeing him in action, seeing him truly pissed off, was terrifying and most people who got to see such rage never thought about going against him or getting on his nerves ever again. 

Wriothesley’s life was stressful to say the least. Dealing with criminals day in and day out, barely ever getting to see the sun, surrounded by pressures upon pressures of water and crime, it was horribly exhausting. There was barely any way to unwind for him aside from punching people in a brawl or two. Sometimes a chat with Sigewinne helped him out, and of course his many, many tea breaks. But other than that, he had to hide his stress under cocky smiles and easy jokes.

Your smile and laughter had shocked him a little when you first met him. One of Neuvillette’s workers, sent down to the fortress to help assist him as things got more out of hand, and you were so patient and understanding. He couldn’t help the feelings in him that surged even more out of hand than the criminals.

You walked with confidence, unafraid of the denizens of the fortress, and completely unafraid of him. Even after you witnessed one of the rare moments when he lost control of his temper. Instead, you comforted him and talked him through it.

Unsurprising to everyone, it didn’t take long for him to claim you as his. Pounding into you from behind, all feral growls and teeth, praise spilling from his lips. 

‘You take me so well’

‘Such a good fucking girl’

Messes became common in his office, cock driving in and out, breeding you. Hands gripping your ass, your thighs. Loud echoes as he slapped and bit and fucked you completely senseless. But full of affection as he moaned praise and love into your ears. He was addicted, so addicted that he’d take you multiple times a day. Tea time became more common between the two of you, and walking became more difficult as the days passed. 

One of the only people that knew about his past and didn’t judge him for his crimes. A person that treated him with real respect, respect that wasn’t conditional. He wouldn’t let you go, not with a pussy like yours wrapped around him day in and day out.

[artsyjedi]

They see each other again | Charles Leclerc x reader

summary: after a good amount of time, you and Charles meet again.

author’s note: speed written this one and i actually liked it (surprisingly enough) so i hope you do it too <3 i didn’t proof read this very well so sorry if there’s any mistakes. I was kinda thinking about making a series about this couple? Tell me if you’re interested!!

warnings: it can be a little angst? per usual (sorry)

**it can be read as a 2nd part of ‘They don’t stay together at the end’ or alone.

5 years ago, you met Charles Leclerc. And since, you never forgot him - and life was committed to not let that happen in any way; and you tried. You truly tried to not remember those days you spent together as often as you do, to not smile whenever you hear someone say his name.

God, sometimes, while on dates or just talking with random strangers you met during a night out, you caught yourself comparing them to Charles.

5 years. It's been five years since Charles Leclerc ruined everyone else for you.

And he’s standing right there, on the same spot you saw him for the first time. He’s just a few meters from where you are with your friends. The cafe looks and smells the same. It feels like you traveled in time. You’re facing his back, and you’re a hundred percent sure it’s Charles because he’s the only one who thinks that horrendous stained pants look good.

Also, he’s the only one that somewhat looks good on it.

“Now that’s insane” your friend laughs realizing what is going on.

“Shut up! He can’t see me. Go!” you pushed them slightly towards the cabin where the other two were already seated.

“And why not?” she kept smiling, glancing towards Charles now and then before seating.

She started to take off their coat and you did the same, trying your best to not catch anyone’s attention.

“Because I’m sure he doesn’t remember me”

“And why do you think that?” the friend sat next to you arched their eyebrows.

“Because it’s been five years?” you asked as if it was obvious.

“Well, you remember him”

“Yeah but I’m still in love with him, of course I remember. And also: we are not the same people we were years ago”

You glanced at Charles, he was still at the balcony, talking freely with the employees while waiting for his order. He had a few people accompanying him and a phone in his hand. Your heart was beating fast, part of you wanting him to see you, to come and say hi, to sweep you off your feet again. You knowing he was single was doing no good for your mind.

“When we were drunk at Silvia’s house, you cried telling me you wished you’d meet him again in this life or in another one. Remember?”

“No, I do not” lies. You clearly remember.

“It was right after you called yourself dumb for not going to Monaco with him” your other friend provoked, winning a congratulatory small punch from the other one who sat beside them.

“Whatever, what’s your point?”

“My point is that if you’re both not the same as years ago, it’s practically another life” she shrugged, getting up and slapping your shoulder “Now move, I need to get to the bathroom”

You got up quietly, still trying not to catch anyone’s attention. You sat again, now stealing their place in the cabin; it was safer.

To say you were freaking out was an understatement. Your friends were having the time of their life, giggling and making jokes. You knew you were over reacting a little, but your friends failed to understand that Charles Leclerc was the Charles Leclerc. The Ferrari driver. The unofficial Prince of Monaco. You laugh at yourself with the thought.

Your friend came back talking about something random, completely stealing your attention.

You only relaxed when he left. You felt a heavy weight on your stomach during the whole time; another opportunity lost for fear of rejection. Fear of being hanging in a feeling only you had. Charles had girlfriends during this meantime, lots of rumors too. He was living while you were barely making it. Did he also have a shiver going down his spine whenever he saw someone that resembles you like you do? No. You’re sure he doesn’t. Why would he?

When you got to your apartment, still laughing from a silly joke your friends made before leaving you, the best thought occurred: the night called for a glass of wine and a good movie. You deserve a little solitude. Rain started to hit the window, setting the mood. Perfect.

If your afternoon has been a complete chaos, your night is going great.

You were about to sit on your couch, under the new covers you bought, when a knock on the door stopped you. Frowning, you wondered who it could be; usually, the doorman announces but not this time? One of your neighbors, maybe? You prayed it wasn’t the old lady from next door who loves to rent free your ear for her non-stop complaining.

“Who is it?” You asked, leaving the cup on the coffee table.

“Hi, I know this is weird but your friend told me you have a room to rent?”

The known thick accent made your legs quiver. Fuck. Your eyes widened, mind going miles per hour, I can’t believe this is happening! Shit.

You unlocked the door, opening slightly and leaning onto it. “Hi”

“Hi,” he replied. “Remember me?”

Your heart was beating so fast. The feelings you had started to flood your eyes. You couldn’t contain a smile. He was truly asking if you remember him?

“Maybe” you shrugged, winning a laugh from him. You opened the door enough to give him space to go in. Charles swallowed dry, hands rubbing his pants in a nervous movement. “So… looking for a room to rent, huh?”

“Tried to be funny and failed, I guess”

“Please sit” you pointed towards the sofa. “Wine?”

“No, thanks”

You nodded and got your glass, following his steps and sitting on the other end, facing him. You leaned your head in your hand, supporting your elbow on the back of the couch.

“How did you find my address?”

“Your friend”

Like a movie, a flashback ran through your mind. Of course they hadn’t gone to the bathroom when they said they were, and that’s why they were giggling and joking about you and Charles during the whole day.

Even though you knew you would kill them next morning? you were also thankful.

“These pants are horrible” it came out before you couldn’t even register what you said.

“What?” he frowned in surprise, leaning closer. You two laughed at his offended face.

“I’m sorry, I was thinking and just… anyway” you scratched the back of your head. That was going just great.

“God, I truly missed you” he told you in between giggles, leaning even closer and reaching for the hand you had supported your head and bringing your wrist for him to kiss.

“I missed you too” you intertwined your fingers and brought his hand close to your face, feeling his warmth. You leaned on it, kissing it right after.

You kept staring at each other. Silence was loud. Louder than any song or any crowd you already heard. No words needed to be said. The rain was hitting harder on the window and the city outside started to get quieter. Charles Leclerc. How did you survive all these years without having him there?

[nancys4gf]

So I've been thinking about this idea for a long time and I hope you could write it. The party stays a week at Steve's house as like a sleepover but it's a week long, and the reader and steve are the mom and dad of the party,(the reader has been around a but longer than Steve because they're Jonathan's best friend ) and it's just Steve and the reader being like a married couple the whole week but instead of steve being in mom mode it's the reader and everyone it confused at the sudden change but they love it, especially steve. And the party is just gossiping and being totally confused why the reader and steve aren't dating. ( bonus points if I could get a scene where will lays on the readers chest and naps and steve gets all annoying because that's "his place")

longing glances | steve harrington

summary: the party has a week-long sleepover at steve's house.

pairing: steve harrington x female reader

warnings: mentions of nightmares

note: dear anon, i LOVED this. i loved it so much i went crazy with it and ended up writing 5k words. it's honestly one of my favorite things i've ever written and i've had so much fun doing it. i truly hope you enjoy it as well!! thank you so much for requesting ♡♡♡

̟ ̇.˚︵‿୨♡୧‿︵˚.✩

– monday. 

when dustin proposed the idea of a week-long sleepover, you thought he was crazy. 

but as you drove the kids, robin, nancy and jonathan to steve’s house, every passing second convinced you that you all deserved to spend some fun, relaxing time together, after everything you had gone through.

after you honked the horn to announce your arrival, steve opened the door theatrically, a huge grin adorning his face. “mi casa es su casa.”

the kids didn’t waste a second before rushing in, pushing past steve. 

“dude, your pool is huge!” dustin exclaimed.

“why is this the first time you’ve invited me over?” robin gaped at the house.

“i don’t know.” steve shrugged. “just, don’t make me regret it.”

“race you to the pool!” 

“oh, yeah,” you laughed, watching steve’s panicked expression as the kids ran to the pool, jumping in without even bothering to put on their swimsuits first. “this was definitely a good idea.”

– tuesday. 

“um, steve?” you called out, peeking inside the fridge. 

“yes?”

“where’s the food?” 

“right there.” he gestured.

“there’s a carton of milk and a tomato. what kind of breakfast is that?”

“add in some granola and you’ve got a champion’s breakfast.”

“steve,” you closed the fridge and put your hands on the sides of your waist. “i’ve got six hungry kids. and you haven’t stocked up on food?” 

steve opened his mouth only to close it again, and gave you a guilty smile, before turning away to look for his jacket.

“let’s go.”

“where?” 

he jiggled his car keys. “grocery shopping.”

— ❀ —

“can you grab some pop tarts?” 

steve nooded, disappearing further down the aisle. you had agreed to split up so it would take less time getting everything you needed, but you soon realized you couldn’t leave him alone.

“one box? do i need to remind you? six kids, and a week?”

steve looked confused. “uh. two boxes, then?”

you sighed, shaking your head. “alright. we’re teaming up, harrington.”

and so steve pushed the shopping cart, while you tossed the items in it. 

“get those,” you pointed at the fridges, and steve obliged, coming back with a significant amount of eggo’s boxes. “oh, and some lucky charms. will loves them.”

“did you sleep well last night?” he asked while taking the cereal.

“i did, thanks.” you smiled, glancing at him. “your bed is comfy.”

“i even put on some clean sheets for you.” 

“what a luxury.”

steve had arranged his house this way: the kids slept in sleeping bags in the living room, robin and nancy slept in the guest room, and steve and jonathan in steve parents’ room. you were the only one who had an entire room for herself, and you still didn’t really understand why. 

“i felt a little alone, though.” you pouted. “i’m the only one that doesn’t have a roomie.”

“i can go and keep you company if you want.” he said quickly.

“steve harrington,” you gasped dramatically. “are you trying to get into my bed?”

“first of all, it’s my bed,” he turned the cart into another aisle. “and no, obviously. i’d sleep on the floor.”

“or i just could join robin and nancy. or the kids downstairs.”

“yeah, yeah, of course. i was just- i was just saying.”

you piled up some tubes of ice cream in the cart, but had a hard time picking the last flavor. 

you held up two tubes and stared at steve. “which one?”

he looked as if you were asking a question with an impossible answer. you sighed.

“will, lucas and el prefer cookie dough. but dustin, max and mike like strawberry better.”

“well, what do you like?”

“strawberry.”

“strawberry it is.” he stated, grabbing the tube from your hands and putting it into the cart.

as you resumed walking together, you glanced at steve, but he was already looking at you, quickly averting his gaze. you couldn’t help the smile that crept across your face.

“so,” he played it cool, opening another fridge. “three frozen pizzas should be enough, right?”

“six kids, steve. six kids.”

– wednesday. 

steve was trying to barbecue. it didn’t take long before everyone realized steve wasn’t great at barbecuing. 

“you’re supposed to wait for it to heat up.” jonathan informed.

“says who?”

“everyone.”

“well, sometimes you gotta be different, you know,” steve shrugged, placing the raw burgers and steaks on the grill. “do things your own way.”

“remember to cook dustin’s well-done. he’s sensitive about meat.” you reminded from the recliner, sunbathing with nancy and robin as the kids played in the pool. 

“ouch.” robin whined for the hundredth time.

“what’s wrong?” nancy asked with her eyes closed, finally giving in to robin’s antics.

“the sun’s too hot.”

“it’s noon, robin.” you said obviously. “did you put on some sunscreen?”

“no,” she said quietly. “it makes me look bad.”

“you’ll look even uglier when you’re walking around like a burnt tomato.”

“here,” nancy offered, while robin threw her sandal at steve. “turn around.”

for the first time in history, robin did as told, and nancy started applying sunscreen on her back. robin went quiet after that. considerably quiet. 

“hey, no running!” steve called out.

“sorry!” mike shouted back. 

“you know you’re supposed to check on the food, right?” jonathan told steve, who was walking towards the pool.

“i am!” he said, before doing a cannonball, splashing dustin in the face.

the boys fooled around for a while: dustin getting on steve’s shoulders and steve dropping him, dustin keeping steve’s head underwater, trying to see how much time he could go on without breathing. 

at some point, the sound of your laugh caught steve’s attention. robin had taken off her sunglasses, and her face was completely red and sunburned, except for the mark of the glasses around her eyes. you burst into laughter, almost falling from your chair. steve didn’t notice he was smiling. but dustin did. 

“you’ve got something on your face.” 

steve immediately started touching his face. “where?”

“here,” dustin pointed at his own chin, right below his mouth, before breaking into a smirk. “drool.”

steve scoffed and slapped dustin on the back of his head, making the boy wince and touch the area. steve directed his gaze back at you, but instead, he caught sight of eleven stepping out of the house.

“what are you doing?” she stopped, the eggo midway between the air and her mouth. “no dessert before lunch, you know that.”

eleven stared as steve dismissively, and pointed at you. “she lets me.”

she proceeded to walk away and get into the water, ignoring steve’s orders not to eat inside the pool. he glared at you, and you shrugged, a playful smile on your lips. 

“sorry. i’m the cool one.”

– thursday. 

the kitchen was silent and dark as you poured yourself some water. you closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying the way it refreshed your dry mouth. 

suddenly, you heard a noise, similar to a creak or a screech. your guard immediately went up, and before you realized, your hand was reaching for a knife. you stayed very still and very quiet as the noise got nearer, until finally, a figure appeared in the doorway.

“shit!”

“jesus!”

you and steve jumped at the same time as he turned on the light. you exhaled and set the knife down, steadying yourself on the counter, your entire body shaking uncontrollably. 

“it’s just me,” steve whispered, slowly making his way towards you. “it’s just me. i’m sorry.”

you nodded as you felt a pair of arms around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him. you could feel his warmth through the fabric of the t-shirt, the smell of his cologne radiating from his skin, filling the air with recognition and safety. 

“i was just…” you sighed. “i came to get some water.”

“couldn’t sleep?” he asked, caressing your arm. you shook your head. “why?”

“i’ve been-” you stopped. you hadn’t told this to anyone. but being in steve’s arms in the dead of night made you feel safe. you knew you could trust him. you knew he would understand. “having nightmares.”

“ever since…?” he didn’t even need to finish the sentence, you nodded your head. 

he pulled you even closer, needing to protect you, even if you weren’t in any real danger.

“i’ll stay with you until you fall asleep, hm? how does that sound?” he said, moving his hand up and down on your back soothingly.

“sounds good.” you whispered, turning your head and giving him a smile.

you walked together, steve’s hand steady on your back. but when you got to the stairs, you stopped. 

“what’s wrong?”

you glanced at the living room where six figures lay, curled up against one another, sleeping soundly. they looked so peaceful. like they were ordinary kids, ordinary friends who did normal things like having sleepovers. they didn’t look like kids that continuously found themselves in danger, seeing each other go through the worst imaginable evils.

“i…” you hesitated, almost ashamed of what you were going to say. “i want to keep an eye on them. but you go.”

steve followed your gaze, and you noticed the way his eyes softened.

“i’ll stay with you.” he said firmly. 

“you don’t have to, steve.”

he stared at you, and this time it was you he was looking at with pure adoration.

“i want to.”

with one last reassuring smile from his part, you nodded, and you two walked back to where you had come from. you positioned yourself on the large couch in the living room, while steve looked for some blankets. 

“is this okay? are you cold?” he whispered as he covered you up. the blanket was warm and fuzzy.

“it’s perfect.” you smiled at him, moved by the tenderness in his gesture. “it smells like your house.”

“like my house?” he asked confusedly.

“yeah. you know how people’s houses have different, particular smells? well, like that.”

“and what does my house smell like?”

you pondered. “like steve.”

“okay, you’re not making any sense right now,” he chuckled. “you should sleep.”

he moved closer to you, covering himself with the blanket as well. it felt nice, being close to him like this.

“he snores.” steve observed, pointing at dustin, who was indeed snoring quite loudly. “of course he snores.”

you laughed together, but you didn’t talk after that. you could hear the occasional ruffle of the sleeping bags as one of the kids moved, the ticking of the clock, and the wind swaying the trees. you could also hear steve’s steady breathing, and your own heartbeat against your ears.

“thank you.” you spoke quietly after a while, just in case steve had fallen asleep. 

“what for?” he whispered back.

“staying with me,” you looked at him. you were so close you could see every detail of his face, even though it was dark. “for taking care of me, of them.” you glanced at the kids. 

he found your hand under the blankets, and squeezed it, giving you a smile. 

“always.” 

“you’re a good guy, steve harrington.”

what you said wasn’t new to you. steve was your friend, and you thought the world of him. and he knew that, he didn’t need to hear it in order to feel it. but actually hearing those words coming out of your mouth with pure sincerity and conviction, made his heart skip a beat. he was glad it was dark, because involuntarily, his eyes watered.

“i try,” he whispered, not daring to say something else in case his voice would break. “i try.”

“i know you do.”

– friday. 

“sh! you’ll wake them up.”

“good, it’s already ten and i’m hungry.”

“what are they doing here?” 

“shut up!”

click!

the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes was a camera. behind it stood jonathan, and the rest of the party, staring at you with huge smiles on their faces.

“what’s going on?” you mumbled, starting to get up, but something prevented you from moving.

something heavy, pressing down on your chest. you looked down, only to find a mop of disheveled, brown hair. 

“we could ask you the same question.”

“steve,” you whispered, slightly shaking him. “steve, wake up.”

he only whined in response, nuzzling up closer against you. everyone laughed at the sight, and jonathan took another picture. you glared at him. 

“what? this is an adorable scene.” he defended himself, smirking. 

“straight out of a christmas card.” robin chimed in.

“you’re only missing the golden retriever.” dustin said.

“steve is the golden retriever.” lucas proposed. everyone agreed. 

– saturday. 

after a long day of swimming and playing a very violent game of monopoly, everyone was sprawled on the couches watching a movie. 

the exhaustion of the day seemed to dawn on the kids and robin, though, because they were all asleep by half of it.

will was lying on your chest, as you ran your fingers through his hair. robin always picked the best movies, and this was no exception. you were completely engrossed in it, but someone insisted on distracting you. 

“hey, that’s my place.” steve whispered teasingly from the other side of the couch, max’s head laying on his lap, while he gestured to will sleeping on your chest.

you laughed, shaking your head. you would be lying if you said you didn’t think about that night on the couch. 

“catch.” he whispered again, but when you ignored him, you felt something hit your cheek. 

“are you throwing popcorn at me?”

“i told you to catch.”

and so a war started, with you and steve throwing pieces of popcorn at each other’s mouths. steve caught a good amount of it, but you didn’t, and when some popcorn hit will on the forehead making him whine, you couldn’t help it, both you and steve burst into laughter. robin woke up solely to tell you to shut up.

after a while, the movie ended. the kids got settled in their respective sleeping bags, and the grown-ups wished each other goodnight and headed upstairs. you and steve were the only ones left, when he suddenly said, 

“shit. i forgot to clean the pool.”

“do it tomorrow.”

“no, they want to use it first thing in the morning. shit.” he groaned. “i’ll do it now.”

“i’ll help, then.”

“no, no. go to sleep. it’s late.”

“come on, we’ll be faster if we do it together.”

steve wanted to complain, but you were already opening the window, gesturing for him to follow you outside. and god knows he’d follow you anywhere.

— ❀ —

you and steve were on each end of the pool, removing leaves and eleven’s eggo crumbs. the air was sultry, the stars shining bright in the summer night’s sky.

“thank you for inviting us over.” you spoke. “we’re all having a great time.”

“sure. my house is facing some severe damage, but yeah.”

“i’ll buy you some new plates for the ones dustin broke.” you rolled your eyes. “but seriously, i haven’t had this much fun in a while.”

steve looked at you, nodding his head. 

“yeah, me too.” he paused. “i think we needed this, you know?”

“yeah.” 

after a while, the pool was cleaned. you stood together, admiring your work.

“see? teamwork makes the dream work.” you said, passing a hand through your sweaty forehead.

“it’s so hot.” steve commented, and you could see how drenched he was in the way his shirt stuck to his chest. oh, you could definitely see.

“i feel disgusting.” 

“good thing we have an entire pool for ourselves then, right?”

“yeah, right.” you chuckled. 

thing is, you didn’t think steve was being serious. but he was. his movements were so fast and sudden that you couldn’t even move out of the way, letting out a surprised yelp as you hit the water.

“steve!” you cried out from the pool. 

“better, isn’t it?” he smirked, and you swam to the edge of the pool, getting hold of his ankles and pushing him inside with you.

after splashing each other for a while, you two swam in silence, going in separate directions but eventually finding your way back to each other. 

“you know, i wasn’t so sure about you at first.” you confessed, floating on your back, staring at the stars above you. 

“you weren’t?” he asked, and you hummed in response. “what changed?”

“dustin adopted you and i was forced to be in your presence.” 

he laughed, but he didn’t say anything.

“you’re not going to ask me why i didn’t like you?”

“nah,” he threw a remaining leaf out of the water. “i can imagine why.” 

you stood on your feet now, moving closer to him.  

“but you’re better now. everybody loves you.”

“keep going,” he teased, and you nudged him. “seriously, it’s good for my ego.”

“remember when you used to call the byers’ every night, so you could make sure will had gotten home alright?” you asked, and steve laughed, a bit embarrassed. “i think that’s how you finally won me over.”

“you didn’t have to do anything to win me over.” he said. “i was sold from the very first moment.”

“yeah?” you asked, a big grin creeping across your face.

“don’t let it get to your head,” he warned, teasingly. “but yeah. you were so sure of yourself. you never thought twice before doing something to help others. i wanted to be like you, i guess.”

you stared into each other’s eyes, the only sounds that could be heard being the sounds of the water and the rustling of leaves.

you didn’t understand what the feeling in your chest was. you had been in this same pool earlier that day, with the same boy standing in front of you, and you hadn’t felt whatever strange sensation you were experiencing now. the clothes felt heavy on your body, but being alone with steve made you feel oddly light. maybe your mind was playing tricks on you. but it felt good.

“come on,” he said after a while. “let’s get some towels.”

after rummaging through his closet, steve handed you a shirt. he turned back, and you turned back as well. you heard his movements as he took off the wet clothes and put on the dry ones. a shiver went down your back, due to the act of intimacy you two were sharing. 

when you were dressed, you turned back, and he did too. 

“you know, i have clothes.” you grinned. “i have a bag full of them.”

“i know.” steve broke into a smile. “i just like seeing you in my clothes. that’s all.”

you averted your gaze as your cheeks warmed up, but you could still feel steve’s eyes on you. 

– sunday.

jonathan was showing you some pictures outside, while the rest of the party sat around the table having breakfast.

“is that your shirt?” dustin suddenly asked steve, pointing at you through the window.

immediately, everyone directed their gazes towards where dustin was pointing.

“holy shit,” max said. “it so is.”

“so what?” steve asked, feigning indifference. nancy and robin shared a look.

“why is she wearing your shirt?” nancy inquired.

“yeah steve, why is she wearing your shirt? did she run out of clothes? did she lose them? did she manage to get them all dirty?” robin insisted, and steve waved her off.

“she liked the shirt. so i let her borrow it.”

“it looks big on her.” eleven commented.

steve looked down, smiling to himself. “i know.”

“you’ve never even kissed?” max asked very seriously and very incredulously. steve stared at her.

“i’m not answering that question.”

“that means they did!” lucas exclaimed, and max nodded frantically. 

soon, the breakfast table was in uproar. max, lucas and robin were asking for details, dustin was screaming at mike that he owed him twenty dollars, and will, eleven and nancy watched the scene entertainingly. 

“no, no! shut up, everyone! no, nothing’s happened. jeez. you’re like a group of possessed parrots.” 

“i’m confused,” dustin started. “why aren’t you guys dating?”

“yeah!” max exclaimed, and steve was genuinely surprised at the girl’s interest in his (nonexistent) love life. “you guys already act like you’re dating.”

“they act like they’re married.” lucas corrected.

“you’re perfect for each other.” dustin went on. “you both like horror movies, you always laugh at her terrible jokes, she laughs at yours. not to mention you’re the ones who take care of us.”

“yeah, and she makes you decent.” robin remarked.

“and you make her happy.” eleven pointed out, and her profound, sincere comment managed to turn them all silent.

you and jonathan walked into the room, taken aback by the uncharacteristic quiet.

“what’s going on?” 

to make matters even more suspicious, everyone shouted ‘nothing!’ at the same time. you raised an eyebrow, but decided not to engage, sitting down next to steve and stealing a piece of bacon from his plate.

“i like your shirt.” max told you.

“thanks. it’s steve’s.” you said casually. 

you watched curiously as the rest of the kids tried to contain their laughter. you looked at steve, but he just shrugged, a faint flush on his cheeks. 

— ❀ —

things were changing with you and steve. you noticed it in the way his gaze lingered on yours, making every moment of eye contact a breathtaking incident. 

and now, at the bonfire the kids had insisted on having since it was the last night of the sleepover, you saw it in the way he looked at you first whenever he made a joke, or when he gave you the best s’mores. 

“bonfires always get me so emotional.” robin expressed. “they remind me of the last nights at summer camp. i feel like we’re saying goodbye, or something.”

“no one’s saying goodbye,” steve rolled his eyes. “i’ll be seeing your little sunburnt face before i get the chance to miss you.”

robin glared at him. 

“expect to see a lot of me this summer,” dustin added. “you won’t be able to get me away from that pool. or your nintendo.”

“great.” steve said sarcastically.

“you know,” you said, taking the s’mores steve was offering you. “even if we’re not saying goodbye, this is still our last night doing this. we can get emotional if we want.”

“no, don’t start!” will cried out. “you always cry when you make speeches.”

“i won’t make a speech.” you rolled your eyes. “i just want to say that… i never thought i’d have a friend group like this. that i’d ever feel this comfortable and happy. and, honestly, after all we’ve been through, i think we’re bonded for life.”

you gazed at your friends, suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable. “don’t you think?”

“yeah.” mike agreed, and the rest followed, agreeing quietly.

“i don’t think i could ever forget you guys.” max said. “even if i wanted to.”

lucas wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she smiled, resting her head in the crook of his neck. 

“whatever happens in the future, let’s promise to protect each other.” nancy spoke.

everyone nodded, a silent promise hanging in the air as the friends leaned against the person sitting next to them, looking for comfort in the people they trusted the most in the world. their family. 

— ❀ —

everyone had already gone to sleep, but you lingered by the stairs with steve. it was your last night here. if something was meant to happen, it was now or never.

“so, last night here.” you commented, playing with your feet. 

“yeah.” he chuckled awkwardly. “i mean, not mine. i live here. but yours.”

he didn’t say anything else, and neither did you. you looked everywhere except at each other. 

“it’s been a… very insightful week.”

“totally.” you agreed, even though you weren’t sure what he meant by ‘insightful’.

steve finally looked at you, and you hesitantly looked back. the look in his eyes made your breath catch in your throat: you were pretty certain it was now. 

“we should get some sleep. it’s late.” he concluded after a moment, putting his hands in the back pockets of his jeans.

“oh.” you nodded your head, furrowing your eyebrows, doing your best to hide your disappointment. “yeah, sure. goodnight.”

“goodnight.”

you motioned to go up the stairs, but he had to go upstairs too, so you ended up bumping against each other. you both chuckled awkwardly, walking together.

when you finally got upstairs, both of you glanced at each other’s respective rooms, lingering. okay, maybe downstairs wasn’t now or never, you thought. now was now or never. if he wanted to make a move, this was the perfect moment.

“alright. goodnight, don’t let the bed bugs bite.” he said and quickly walked away, shaking his head and muttering a ‘what?’ under his breath.

“uh, yeah, thanks.” you mumbled, walking into his room. 

you shut the door behind you and rested your head against it, letting out a groan. 

you turned and turned on the bed, but sleep wouldn’t come. you kept going over this past week, wondering if you had imagined all the longing glances and touches and subtle flirting. 

wondering if the night at the pool, or the night when you had slept on the couch, or the morning at the supermarket hadn’t meant anything to him. like it meant to you.

not knowing was driving you crazy. so you decided to give in to your curiosity and impulsivity and got out of the bed, going over the things you were going to say when you confronted him.

but when you walked out of the room, you were surprised to find steve already in the hallway, wide-awake, his hair messy and his clothes wrinkled. 

“oh, hi.” he said, startled. 

“hi.” you replied, all your bravado and courage fading away as soon as you looked into his eyes.

“is everything okay?” 

“yes, yeah. i was just… it’s nothing,” you chuckled sheepishly. “where were you going?”

“i, uh,” he looked away. “i just wanted to make sure you didn’t have another one of those nightmares.”

“oh,” you nodded your head. “yeah, i’m okay. thank you.”

“good. great.”

“i should…” you took a step back. “yeah, goodnight.”

being in steve’s presence was dangerous. especially when you were so worked up and sleepless and confused and he was looking like that. 

you practically ran back to steve’s room, not daring to cast him another glance.

throwing yourself on the bed, you put the pillow over your head, trying not to scream. what were you doing? were you insane? you had almost ruined your friendship with steve just because you were being stupid over things that didn’t mean anything. not only that, but messing things up with steve would have perpetual consequences on the entire group, and you couldn’t do that. not when all of you had just promised you’d always be there for each other, no matter what.

naturally, you convinced yourself you should apologize to steve in case you had made things weird. so you got on your feet again, and you opened the door.

only steve was already there, his hand raised, about to knock. 

and you forgot whatever it was that you wanted to tell him. you forgot about your worries and your fears and your imagination. you didn’t know what you had imagined and what you hadn’t, you just knew what you were feeling right now, as steve stood in front of you, his eyes showing an urgency that resembled your own.

you had spent the last hour going over possible things you could say, but at that moment, words were the last thing on your mind. because he was cupping your face with his hands and he was kissing you.

he was kissing you, and you didn’t waste a second before kissing him back, your hands finding its way to his hair. his mouth was warm and your hands moved about his body, pulling him towards you. it was just him, him and him and him. 

he kissed you with so much force you stumbled back into the room, and he followed, his hands not leaving the grip on your waist. in one swift movement, he put one hand on the back of your neck, and he shut the door with the other.

– monday. 

everyone was already in the car, except for you. you were standing with steve on his doorstep.

“so...” 

“so…”

“are you busy tonight?” 

“i haven’t even left yet and you already miss me?” you teased.

“maybe.” he grinned, and you felt so lucky, so ridiculously lucky, that you were the one he was dedicating that beautiful smile to.

“i’m free.”

“can i… pick you up?” he asked, interlocking his fingers with yours. “at seven, maybe?”

“sounds good.” you nodded, breaking into a smile. his gaze fell to your lips for a moment, before finding your eyes again.

“great.”

“great.” 

he kept playing with your fingers, simply gazing at you. you realized that it wasn’t that the whole world disappeared when he was looking at you. the world was still there, but he made it better. 

steve placed one hand on your cheek, pulling you closer to him. he planted a soft, short kiss on your lips, before pulling away and planting another one on your nose.

“i’ll see you tonight.”

you said your goodbyes, and as you walked to the car, you were greeted by a tumult of screams and shouts as the kids cried out “i knew it! i knew it!”.

“yeah, yeah,” you said, rolling your eyes but not being able to erase the smile from your face. “now, seatbelts.”

[thatfreshi]

"Undeserving"

Hi! This was an expedited request by @mosshugs who asked that I go more into my headcanon of Astarion having ED behaviors. I want to preface this by saying I have limited experience with ED behaviors, and most of my experience and knowledge is from people I know with eating disorders, and I apologize if something I've written here doesn't feel correct for the experience.

So, BIG TW for eating disorder talk on this one.

If you'd like to have an expedited request, please check out the pinned post on my blog! (The masterlist can now be found under the tag freshimasterlist.)

When it comes to survival, it is difficult to foster nurturement, to find the strength to nourish even the smallest part of yourself. It is especially difficult for those who never had a nurturer, those who grew up without the protection of a mama bear, those who were ripped away from safety and forced into survival primarily, to find the strength to care, even if it's for themselves. While it seems like common sense, some part of you couldn’t ever fully understand the phenomena of nourishment and survival. That is, until you were faced with the conundrum head-on.

Astarion had somewhat perfected survival at this point, despite the fact that it was mostly not his choice. A more proper word choice might be endurance, the ability to persevere through torture despite your undying presence. Even now, he had endured all the way to the city, all the way to the legendary ‘Baldur’s Gate’ that you had been fighting towards for weeks. The two of you understood each other quickly, smoothly, reading each other like tea leaves. But, just like premonitions, not all of the details unfold as quickly as others. 

Your vampiric lover had been feeding on you almost every evening since you found out about his little ‘secret,’ that he didn’t quite hide as well as he thought he did. Of course, it started when you were merely aquaintances, continued on when you were friends, and then turned into something more. Now, feeding on you is a romantic ritual of sorts, a sign of trust, a moment of recluse and safety. Safety is a word that Astarion is unfamiliar with, the feeling at least. But those moments he has drank from you, he has finally started to understand what exactly it means to be safe. That is, until he suddenly stopped. 

You were waiting to face Cazador, a being who had now become one of multiple banes of your existence. Sadly, things on a wild adventure don’t necessarily schedule themselves neatly, which was making both you and Astarion jittery, anxious.

“We should rest soon you know. Plenty more villains to get around to.”

He isn’t fully listening, something you’re quite used to dealing with. 

“I know.”

He’s more exhausted these days, moreso than usual. Everyone is tired obviously, but you’re more tuned into his energy than the others.

“Have you fed recently? It’s been a while since you’ve asked me.”

“Of course. How many people have I killed just today? Plenty of blood has been going around.”

He stands in the opening of the tent, staring off into nothing while you sit on the ground.

“You and I both know you don’t stop for long enough to get enough out of any of those fools.”

“And you take me for a liar?”

Astarion’s tongue is sharp, and he finally turns to face you.

“I take you for a liar, but not usually a liar to me. Now, come, drink some.”

You’ve had plenty of banters like this, where he has been difficult with you, but the night air doesn’t sit peacefully like on those nights. He’s not staring at nothing, but at the past, the future. He doesn’t bend to your whim. 

“Really, my darling Tav, I am alright. Perhaps you should go to bed without me, I might be up for a while.”

Distant. He’s only distant when something is truly bothering him, just like he was in the beginning, just like he was when you met him on the beach.

“Astarion, why don’t you want to feed on me?”

Out of the myriad of things he doesn’t like, he doesn’t like direct confrontation from you. When it comes to safety, survival, nourishment, he likes to be elusive. He likes to hide from you, because sometimes you let him. He wasn’t allowed to hide before, when he was still living at the palace. Sometimes though, you can’t let him hide.

“Who said I don’t want to feed on you? Why, your blood is delightful! Delectable even.”

And there he goes, that slight seduction in his tone, a distraction.

“Then why haven’t you drank from me in days? Over a week at this point?”

Now comes the moment when he realizes there is no way out, that you’re onto him, that he can’t dance around it with his words any longer. He makes his way to be next to you.

“I… I’m not really sure Tav.”

A very rare occurrence, where Astarion sounds entirely clueless.

“What do you mean?”

“I, I mean I do want to. I’ve told you so many times before how much I delight at our feedings, I just-”

You give him a moment.

“I feel, wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“Wrong. Like it wouldn’t be right to feed from you.”

“Aster, I’ve told you how many times that I’m okay with you feeding on me. It’s even enjoyable at times! And besides, it’s good for you, and it strengthens our bond-”

“I don’t think any of that is what this is. And I do hear you, but this… this is different. Maybe it’s because we’re so close to confronting, him.”

Both of your faces change slightly at the thought of Cazador.

“Are you nervous? Because that seems entirely natural.”

“Well, yes. Of course I’m nervous, not that I would tell anyone else that. I think this though, is perhaps a feeling of being undeserving of something.”

“Like what?”

“Freedom, love, more than rats. I have wanted to feed on you numerous times, but I find myself being held back by this feeling of being… undeserving.”

“My dear, you are entirely deserving of feeding, especially on me.”

You move to comfort him, a light touching arm.

“I suppose it doesn’t feel that way right now. You know what I was forced to drink from before: flies, rats, other vermin. And of course, when you first offered for me to feed from you, I was so incredibly taken away by a luxury I was never given. Now though, I simply wonder if I should’ve ever had that luxury at all, or if I should have that luxury even now.”

“You are deserving though.”

“I don’t think that will fix it my love. I don’t know if anything that you say can fix this.”

One of the hardest truths of love, that your words cannot always fix their wounds. That sometimes, there are things you will never be able to heal by yourself. 

“Then… how do we fix it? How do we make you feel deserving of feeding?”

He fumbles with his hands.

“Time? Patience? I don’t honestly know darling.”

You move a hand over to his wandering ones, hoping to ground him a little.

“Maybe, now that I know, we could at least try? Even just a little?”

There’s a hint of optimism in his demeanor, something you’ve seen more of over time.

“Alright then, we can try. But that’s all I can promise, an attempt.”

And so, he moves to prepare as you lie down, a much easier way to get your life’s essence taken. It’s a little more tense than usual, which makes sense following a conversation like that. There’s a moment where his teeth pierce your skin, and a piece of time where he does feed, and then there’s a sharp pull away. He seems almost nauseous when you sit back up. You cover the rip he just made on your neck with a nearby piece of cloth.

“I’m sorry, I just… I can’t tonight. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, you tried. That’s all I said right, that we should try?”

You move back over to him and wipe at a tear, one made from an apology he never should’ve had to give. 

“Right. And maybe we can try again tomorrow?”

“Of course my love, of course.”

When the two of you lie down finally, there isn’t much said for the rest of the evening. You’ll never quite know exactly what he felt in that moment, what tasting your blood was like, how it made him ill and scared. One thing you do know is that you’ll be there again the next evening, and the evenings later, even if it takes a lifetime to repair that relationship with feeding from you. And maybe eventually, there won’t be that feeling of being undeserving anymore. Maybe one day, there will be nourishment instead of survival, but for now, you can try and make survival as nurturing as you can.