#but given that everyone did whatever the fuck they wanted and were just like nah he's lying

[gleefultogo]

Ugh Excuse Me? (screenshots at bottom of post)

Alright so ladies and gentlemen. Turns out kique and his white-knights in fact stalking our tumblr posts. Can't say I'm surprised, but whatever. you guys have your opinions and we have ours. First of all we are just people would love to speak our opinions without being sidelined because you're a fragile as fuck 32 year old man? like man act your age. second of all, I for one do not make these posts to "bully" or anything. I am simply putting you on the spot for all the shit you have caused, even before home comic. everyone who read your comic asmundr saw how you'd treat your readers. Even paying ones! The public should know how you are to others. if they choose to support you or not. Thats fine, that's their choice. I do not control the other people here. you are not a good person then what you think you are, you treat others like shit unless they kissing your ass and giving you money. Look man, I don't give a care what you do or if you do art and comics. but most of us here were former fans that got tired of your bullshit when someone didn't agree with you. It's not that hard to understand, call us haters all you want. I for one have only put out stuff regarding your actions with linked proof. I never edited my shit or faked what I posted. unlike you who have a habit of editing your post to make yourself seem a victim and bullying someone else to make them look worse. how's that any better? we saw what you posted on a DA post about zirvasity and edited it. also my dude, wtf is this?

Never had I once claimed "sexual assault or abuse" about you towards another person, kindly correct yourself. in no way has that been said in any posts. About your weird and terrible take on rape yeah? But SA? nah man, I draw the line at that, unless you can show me legitimate proof. kindly correct yourself. That was never said about you. I have a limit. also disclaimer, but I have no idea who leaked your patreon shit. I know for a fact that wasn't me cause I respect the paywall and since thats how you make your income. you can beef it out with whoever did. Also no one made comments about your transgender either. I don't care. Thats a you thing, and if it makes you happy, cool I'm glad but that also a false claim. I'm not some homophobic person. I'm just some person talking about your comic and the many issues with it. Thats all, heck if you weren't so fragile you could learn from it also. Critique isn't a bad thing. You just refuse any help given to you for the better. You can bitch all you want for all I care and play victim, there's still proof out there about your behavior. learn to be a better person maybe and people wouldn't dislike you?.

Kique's post from instgram. edited to make him seem like he's innocent further. But my point still stands. P.S., If there are grammar errors, english is not my first language. But it should still get the point across.

[physicallyaveragementallyinsane]

quirkless au katsuki bakugo, who’s fresh out of college and meets you for the first time, hanging out with his idiot friends who didn’t introduce the two of you sooner.

(This turned out way longer than expected. Oops)

August is already right around the corner. The streets are beginning to fill up as it seems everyone’s preparing for the school season. The sun beating down on everything, illuminating the streets he’s walking down.

“Mina just texted, said everyone’s there. Wanna stop here and get something to drink before we head to her place?” Katsuki nodded and followed kirishima who was already opening the door to some local coffee shop katsuki never really remembered the name of.

Him and kirishima have spent, what seems like, the whole summer together. Not that katsuki had a choice in it. Both agreeing to rent an apartment after graduating. Kiri protesting it was the cheaper route for them both, and that he needed the company. Katsuki didn’t mind it at the time, but the more his roommate and friends dragged him around the city, the more he wished he would’ve just moved back home with his old hag.

an hour ago:

“C’mon bro, you can’t keep trying to hide in the apartment all summer.”

“I already said I’m not in the fucking mood to babysit you guys. Go without me.” katsuki retorts as he throws himself on the couch. He tried to ignore the phone calls from kaminari, sero, and mina, but it was hard to ignore kirishima when he can just show up whenever he pleases.

“It’ll be fun man! And you won’t have to babysit us. It’s just a cookout at Mina’s, nothing bad, I swear!” kirishima slams the door shut behind him pointing at katsuki who was trying his hardest to avoid the conversation, “Seriously I’m not leaving until you agree to go. I already let you get out of the last time!”

“Whatever.”

end of flashback.

After he finished being bombarded by everyone (mostly Mina who was pissed he ignored her 7 missed phone calls and 20 unanswered text messages) katsuki had settled himself in the kitchen of Mina’s lake house.

Often throughout high school, the group would find themselves spending weekends/holidays out at this place. Mina’s parents used to live in the house during the summer seasons to get away from the city, but in the groups first year of college, it was given to Mina to do whatever she pleased with.

Unlike the hustle and bustle the city, katsuki didn’t mind the quiet atmosphere out here and always enjoyed when the group would get together and hang out. Even if it did drive him absolutely insane sometimes.

The sun was already setting by the time he and kirishima arrived. Everyone inside helping mina get the food ready.

Except for you.

Katsuki hadn’t seen you before. No one said anything about someone else being here. Were you with Sero? Maybe Kaminari, but last katsuki checked him and jirou were still together?

“Y/n. She’s a friend from one of my classes last year. I tried to tell you she would be here but you decided to ignore my phone calls.” Katsuki shifted his gaze from you to Mina who was staring at him with attitude.

“why’s she sittin out there by herself? She weird or something?”

“Nah. She just probably doesn’t want to listen to everyone. She’s kind of like you in way. Gets annoyed easily. Especially by these two morons.” Mina repsponded as she smacked Denki and Sero on the hands as they were trying to sneak pieces of food she was cutting up for dinner.

Katsuki hummed in response as he looked back in your direction. He wondered if he’s ever crossed paths with you before. He must’ve at somepoint right? Not that it really mattered.

As Mina finished prepping the food, katsuki left the kitchen and found himself in the living room lost to a conversation kiri, sero and denki were having. During this time he must’ve not noticed you move in the living room until sero chirped out, “hey she’s finally not pissed at us kaminari!”

The comment making you giggle softly as you made your way to sit next to the two. “You guys make my ears want to bleed. I just needed to not hear you two talk for a bit.” Your eyes moved from them and glanced in katsuki’s direction.

His heart skipped a beat when you smiled and opened your mouth to introduce yourself to him. what the fuck-

“You’re bakugo right? Mina’s talked about you a bit. It’s nice to meet you finally.” You were beautiful. Katsuki found himself lost for words, which wasn’t particularly normal for him. All he could get out was a,

“Uh- Yeah.” Just as he was about to try and say something else, Mina shouted that the food was ready. You, denki, and sero, made your ways to the kitchen, working through the food. Katsuki stayed in his seat on the couch watching you talk and laugh at the boys and mina.

You must’ve met them all before.

How come they never said anything about you sooner?

Why does he care this much, he just met you.

“Mina introduced us to her about a month ago. Y’know, the last time you decided to not hang out with us” kirishima stared at katsuki with a half assed smile on his face.

“Why is everyone being such a prick about that. I didn’t feel like coming out here. Besides no one told me Mina was gonna bring her.” Kirishima laughed at katsuki as he stood up from the couch, looking down at the blonde,

“I don’t know man, seems to me you’re just pissed you didn’t meet her sooner.” Katsuki rolled his eyes, kicking kirishima in the shin. His eyes shifted back to you and met your gaze which was already staring at him.

Little did katsuki know, you just finished fighting with Mina about how she didn’t tell you her hot friend from college was going to be here tonight.

God, you could just kill her, and so could katsuki.

-

-

-

I did not proofread this so I apologize in advance if it is horrible. I just needed to get it out of my head. 🙏

[front-facing-pokemon]

gmax sandaconda is the DEFINITION of snootirific. i'm not the nose rater but i have to say gmax sandaconda might have the best snoot in the whole franchise

i saw someone in the tags of one of the posts where i used the word "snootiferous" say that they added that word to their vocabulary. as though it was a word i didn't make up. i totally did make it up and now i keep saying it, specifically in posts on this blog. i have not said it anywhere in my real life but if i can make other folks say it then i think that's the ultimate funny

not getting their models, but rendering the eyes properly. there are two competing and likely theories for why the eyes are so fucked up in gen 9: number one being that the eyes are rendered dynamically in-game as shaders instead of as flat textures like they typically were in past pokémon games so that pokémon can look around, have reflections in their eyes, have more dynamic eyes, et cetera, which means they're much more difficult to render authentically for quick silly tumblr screenshots; and number two being that game freak renders them dynamically as a "security measure" to keep folks online from ripping the models as easily to use them for… whatever they want. such as blogs like this, which are of course extremely harmful to the pokémon company's bottom line and destroying their business et cetera et cetera (sarcasm). either way, the eyes are fucked up, and i either have to find a way to recreate the eye textures from what i am given in the texture files, or i have to find a way to recreate the eyes to the best of my ability using shaders in something like… blender, which is what i've been using for more recent models since gen 7. that puts more work on me for every individual model, and isn't exactly easy for models that i have to rip and convert myself when there are dozens of nodes in the shading panel that i don't know what to do with. for example, here's what quaxly (famously, a pokémon with pupils that can look around, as it appears in a whole cutscene in-game) looks like out-of-the-box when i convert it myself from the model format used in-game:

if you can't tell what's wrong, here's what it's Supposed to look like:

notice the white pupils? those aren't rendered properly in blender, notably because no texture exists for them. no texture even exists for anything you see in the eyes there, but it's all somehow magically appeared in the shading section, by magic. and i am not that kind of wizard

this means very little to me. i just played around with some of the nodes by looking at the strangely-colored textures that were given to me with the .trmdl conversion, and i managed to get something close enough:

but they kinda look like they're looking in two different directions (possibly fine? we'll have to see how they look front-facing) and the colors are slightly off (can anyone tell but me? possibly not); not to mention it likely won't be this easy with every pokémon. pokémon whose eyes are much more complex or have colors i can't easily match, for example, or pokémon for whom multiple parts of their eyes are missing… not to mention i don't necessarily have the time or willpower to be spending hours tinkering with these models every morning to make sure the eyes look right. ideally i can take what i've learned from fucking with quaxly right now to hopefully move forward a bit smoother, and eventually i'll refine a process. but until then, this is what worries me

right, but it's also less funny. the initial concept for this blog, inspired by pokémon like snivy, is that some pokémon look really funny when they're up in your face staring at you. it's a concept everyone loves. but if they're facing away from you, there's considerably less to work with there. they're all Kinda just gonna look the same. they lose a lot of that personality. i suppose i'll consider it if i ever run Really low on options, though

nah. i don't do visual art anymore. that time has passed—now if i do it, it's usually a one-off thing and i never want to look at what i've created again afterward

[bloogers-boogers]

Oooo ask blogs are fun)) Cain and Abel how's parenting going and what do you think about your Dad and Lucifer's situation

Cain: OHOHOHO—! where to fucking start?

Abel: just start by answering the question

Cain: bitch let me speak. Wait, what was the question again?

Charlie: I think they were asking about your thoughts on our dads being together...

Angel Dust: And how y'all do it

Vaggie: they did NOT ask about their sex life

Angel Dust: it was implied

Vaggie: it was not

Husker: just answer the fucking question, kid

Cain: WHO YOU CALLING A KID!?? I'm literally older than all of you hoes!

Abel: we're doing great! Raising Macey has been wonderful so far

Cain: for YOU. Raising Macey is wonderful for you. Do you know how difficult is to tame a kid from wrath?? VERY difficult. It's to be expected by demons who's strengths is rooted through anger. You can imagine all the punches I had to take just to feed her. For a wrath demon it's like the ocean breeze of the beach but for us outsiders that don't belong to the wrath ring is like teaching a rabid hyena how to not bite your arm off. It's a battlefield everyday and this ain't nothing to what we'll expect when she hits puberty.

Angel Dust: if you knew it was gonna be difficult to raise her, why pick a baby from wrath?

Cain: because! ... Abel's from wrath, so.. well he loves challenges. I do too. It just— it fits right?? Okay. Simple as that.

Abel: *smiles*

Cain: *blushes deeply while rolling his eyes* fine. Seeing her reminds me of Abel, and I don't know she's fucking adorable, have you seen her? Also I love getting my arm yanked off every time it's bath time.

*Everyone looks at him in concern*

Cain: it's fucking worth it. It's like when you raise a cat.

Abel: when it comes to our opinions in our dad dating Lucifer it's kinda divided because at first we kinda thought this was genuinely just a professional agreement.

Cain: fuck nah, I knew from the very start that plan would crumble in failure the moment papa called us explaining the situation he was stuck in, our dad's an emotional mess. We know him well enough to call him insane. But I didn't think he'd be wanting the devil's ass. More like, a gay awakening to say the least but not 'wanting the guy that took my wives' awakening y'know

Abel: I mean.. the guy is okay, he's just as mentally fucked up like our dad

Cain: or even worse

Abel: they're very sad old men

Cain: stupid too

Abel: I feel bad for him. But I personally do think our dad's a little confused and shouldn't rush himself into a relationship with the literal devil

Cain: your jealousy is beyond comprehension. He's a daddy's boy. A very overprotective son, picky too

Abel: I'm not jealous. I'm concerned. Neither is stable enough to maintain a relationship

Cain: neither were we

Abel: so you're approving this?

Cain: hell nah. That'll just add more fuel to the theories that I'm Lucifer's spawn. I just think if those two do go official it wouldn't be that bad. Though our papa can score better but then again if you think of it, down here. 'Better' is the open can of beans laying inside sewer water

Abel: we are very grateful that Lucifer did offer himself to far extents as marriage just to keep our dad from being abused and tortured. We haven't yet thank him, with everything that's been happening we haven't had time and he's very awkward around us. Though we still do plan on thanking him when we're given the chance

Cain: most likely when we leave

Abel: point is, we can't say we like him for our dad's actual partner. As an individual he has good intentions, very bad at expressing them, but a genuine okay guy. But if our dad's crazy enough to give the devil a chance, we won't interfere. We just would have a hard time understanding it.

Cain: theres a part of me that thinks our dad's still freaky for our momma *hopeful smile*

Abel: ...

Abel: sure, honey. Whatever makes you sleep at night

Angel Dust: after rereading the ask over ten times I don't think they were referring to the relationship on itself, you guys, I think they were referring to-

Cain: times up! Next question!

[fluffs-palace]

Mc questions;

All Mc's, if allowed, if not the same as Tai; #9 is the greatest fear.

x

(Since its all 7 of them, im just gonna do lil blurbs minus Samuels instead of the longer short stories like his)

CW: Mentions of eating disorders, PTSD like behavior

Question 9

Greatest Fear

Lyari

White hair. Honeyed complexion. Half lidded eyes. Bright colors. Barely an inch under his partner. The same partner she was constantly being mistaken for. Always a "Oh, Asra! It's been so long. Did you grow out your hair?" or "Have your eyes always been that color, Asra? I could swear they were different." It wasn't until she spoke, most times, that they finally realize she was a completely different person. She is, isn't she? They aren't going to just live the rest of his life in his better half's shadow, right? Yeah. Yeah. Eventually they'll find his familiar. She'll figure out what magicks she specializes in. Make his own gate one day. Things wont always just stay the same forever.... right?

Marsom

The city in general makes him uneasy after everything that happened but the palace is a whole other level of freaked out. He's afraid to ever step foot back in its halls, but he sucks it up since he still has to sometimes— even if he still wakes up in a cold sweat after the nightmares it's given him or still has to go hide in a closet to avoid a meltdown. If you asked him, though, he'd say his biggest fear was possums.

Osanna

This little lady doesn't exactly have the best relationship with food. Being the Court Magician isn't always what its cracked up to be; she's got a lot of stress resting upon her shoulders. Not to mention the burdens she tries to carry for Nadia too. Meals or snacks could easily be summoned at any point, where ever and whenever she wanted them. She knows she shouldn't, but for some reason she cant bring herself to stop... so she eats and eats to the point of making herself sick. She worries one day she might not be able to stop from eating herself into an early grave. Of course Nadia would never let that happen but its a slow process.

Samuel

X

Seli

She'd always felt uneasy for some reason she could never put her finger on. Asra would never tell her anything, obviously. It stayed in the back of her mind, though. A constant nagging feeling. Then she'd start to get bits and pieces from outside sources, or things Asra would let slip absentmindedly. Something was catching up to her, and, from what she could tell, it wasn't good. The last thing Seli would ever let happen is her own fuck-ups cause pain to those around her. She had to make sure whatever it was either never finished their leg of the race or that it was dealt with before they could.

Tai

They've always had a simple life. Asra even corroborates that from their life before. With memories. One set of clothes for as long as they could remember until Valerius. A little garden all to themselves until starting to share with Portia. They were content with that, too, until him. Until being swept away by sass and hidden feelings. Until they started doubting. They weren't fancy. It was obvious Tai didnt exactly belong at the palace. How did they end up with the biggest snob in the joint? Honestly. They can't meet up to his standards at all. He puts them in pretty clothes now, but they're still that same little country bumpkin underneath. Are they even good enough for him? Does he actually care about them or is it just some stunt? It cant be. Nah. They're fine. Everything's fine.

Vaura

They love Lucio with all their heart, but they also know he wasn't the greatest man before they met. In fact, he still isn't. Everyone has their flaws, right? Regardless of that, they would fight tooth and nail to make damn sure his past never caught up with him. Whether that be deals unpaid or a corrupt return to past actions, they couldn't care less. Maybe that made them a little morally grey, sure. Should he get his comeuppance? Probably— but not while they have a say in it. They would keep what they had taken.

[chrisgates]

TIMING: July 25th through August 1st LOCATION: Downtown, Oldtown WARNINGS: None SUMMARY: ChrisTopher is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day week month year. He lost his name, he's having horrible nightmares and he lost his wallet. What else could go wrong?

I'm talkin' to myself in public, dodging glances on the train. And I know… I know they've all been talkin' about me. I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think There must be somethin' wrong with me. Out of all the hours thinkin', somehow I've lost my mind…

“Mr. Gates? Hi - we just need you to sign here if you’re extending your stay.” “Oh yeah sure. That - hm, this is wrong? That’s not my first name. I mean, everything else on here is right except for that.” “Oh? Are you staying in room 237?” “Yeah, I am, but-” “This was the name given at your time of check-in, but we can amend that for you. I just need a valid driver’s license.” “Oh, okay..? That’s weird. Sure, here.. I appreciate that.”

The universe thought itself clever and funny to do such a thing to someone so young and full of hope. Chris would have argued against it if his dad didn’t think it was funny, too.

“Hi, I’m here to pick up a package. Gates, Topher.” “Christopher? Or just ‘Topher’?” “Just Topher.” “Nah, sorry dude, I don’t have anything here with your name on it. You sure it’s just ‘Topher’? ‘Cause I got a ‘Christopher Gates’ here.” “... Yeah, I’m sure. That’s not me.” “Huh, weird. Guess there’s two of you! What a small world, huh?” “Yeah, small… Okay, I guess I’ll check back later.”

Heavy heart pounds after raised voices, suspicious shoulder glances with whispered words. This was trepidation at its finest and it was one of Chris’ very best friends. He knew the feeling better than he knew himself. Life became a delicate dance between the two, always together, always in sync. On bad days, it was hard to tell them apart.

“Drink for Topher!” “Yeah, tha- hey, sorry, that one’s mine.” “I’ve been waiting forever!” “Okay? This one has my name on it, I’m sure they’re making-” “That’s not your name.” “Wh-?? Yes it is.” “Nuh uh! You seriously don’t remember? You did my prom pics and that’s not the name on your business card. How do I know you’re not the one trying to get a free drink??” “I… Because I paid for it?? It’s literally on my receipt!” “Yeah whatever.” “I am so sorry about her. Lemme remake you a new one.” “.... Fine, sure.”

On bad days, he didn’t know who he was anymore. Friendly smiles became knowing and lingering gazes turned to stares. The nightmares that plagued his already troublesome sleep kept him both debilitated and overtly alert. His mind wanted to run, his body wanted to fight — it exhausted him, so much so that he called off of work. The knuckle shaped dent in the dessert fridge door was the last straw.

“Excuse me?” “What?” “Oh, I’m sorry for bothering. Are you that photography guy? Uh, Christopher is it? Sorry, my friend gave me your card and I was-” “Oh my god. That’s not my name.” “Oh. Really? It’s just.. Your picture is on here and I thought you were-” “That’s not me okay? I don’t know who fucking made these but that’s not my name! Where did your friend get this?” “Sorry! I’ll leave you alone..” “No- who gave this to your friend??”

Chris was familiar with the tumultuous waves of irritation that came every few weeks. It was the same rhythm as years prior, a rhythm he hadn’t yet figured out how to interrupt. It stole time from him, lied to him, and made him believe that everyone was out to get him. It seemed to destroy everything he touched. Paranoia was an unwelcome visitor, but at least it was consistent. It kept him inside and away from people, people who could very well set him off. 

Between the nightmares and his ever present confusion on his name, which he was told was stolen and he’d need to get it back, Chris felt like he might explode.

“Hey! Pendejo! You got a problem?” “... No, I don't have a problem.” “You were lookin’ at me funny. See, I don’t like it when people look at me funny so you do have a problem.” “Sorry if you thought that but I don’t have a problem. I’m tired and I was just trying to get home.” “Are you callin’ me a liar?” “... No, I just - I don’t want any trouble. I just want to go home.” “I think he’s callin’ you a liar, man.” “Yeah he is, the fuckin’ gringo. How’re you gonna make it up to me, huh? You got cash? Gimme your fuckin’ wallet!” “Yeah he looks like a bitch with some money. You heard him, bitch! Give ‘im your money!” “I-I don’t… don’t.. carry cash… Please..” “What’s wrong with you?? You fuckin’ stupid or something? Gimme that wallet now!” “Hey, he doesn’t look too good, man. Think we should jet..” “What about that watch, huh? It looks real nice, you owe me that at least.” “....Nn…” “Did he just fuckin’ growl at me? Did you just fuckin’-” “Let’s go! He’s got nothin’! Just leave him, it’s not worth it.” “Shut up! I’m not leaving without my watch!”

The sun was too high that day. It had yet to set and just barely kissed the horizon line when Chris started for the motel. 

“Mama, mama! Look what I got!” “Where did you just go? You know you’re supposed to stay by my side. What is that? What do you have in your hands?” “I found a wallet! But mama, I think some people are hurt.” “What? Why do you say that, honey?” “There’s some people on the floor outside where I found the wallet. I think it belongs to them.” “You know you’re not supposed to take anything off of the floor. Come, show me where you found it.” “Right over here mama! Look, look! They’re on the ground.. I think they’re hurt. Like Peanut, right? They look like Peanut did.”

A blood curdling scream erupted from alley. The wallet and blood were passed onto new, lawful eyes and the scene, corralled. There were many deaths in Wicked’s Rest, but not many of them had names.

Chris never made it to the motel.

[league-of-sam]

Catching A Ghost | Simon 'GHOST' Riley

Ghost x Reader

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

Simon 'GHOST' Riley x AFAB!Reader!OC 18+ MINORS DNI! t.w // angst, mental health, language, violence, death, sexual themes/SMUT, military inaccuracies, language inaccuracies (google translate).

Catching A Ghost: Masterlist

The excitement buzzing through you was similar to that of a child at Christmas.

Your best friend was back, with a fucking fiancée, and your team was together again. Ghost moved all of his things into your room the second you pushed the newcomers upstairs. 

There was only one spare room, and of course it was Laswell's for the taking.

The newly engaged shouldn't be sleeping separate.

That was the excuse Ghost gave when he was running his belongings from his door to yours. Soap had scoffed, making a quip along the lines of 'Sure L.T., not like that's your girl's room or anything'. 

Ghost silenced him quickly, but couldn't help the smile that crept onto his cheeks underneath the mask.

Soap was right.

He just wanted to be with you every second that he could. It's not like he was using the bed anymore anyway, he spent every night sneaking into your room and then sneaking out in the mornings.

Glances were stolen every time he entered, as you were in the room, helping Alex and Farah get settled in.

"Are you sure he doesn't mind?" she asked, gesturing to Ghost as he walked out, a pile of books in his arms.

You smiled, shaking your head, "It was his idea."

"So, I was right then?" Alex spoke, wriggling his brow at you.

"Right about what?"

"You and Ghost."

"It wasn't all sunshine and daisies, Al. It took a lot to get here, including him acting like I didn't exist for nearly three weeks."

Alex frowned; he had no idea things had been so difficult for you, and he felt the same guilt as the day he left you in Las Almas crawl back.

He remembers the anger when he found out Graves kidnapped you, he remembers the heartbreak when he heard you'd killed him for it, and he remembers wanting to slaughter everyone when he heard you tried to sacrifice yourself for the cause.

After all, you were his best friend, and he'd rather die than lose you.

"I'm sorry, angel. I wish I was there-"

You placed a hand on his arm, shushing him, "It's okay, Keller. I'd do it all again if I had to. It seems that Simon Riley was worth waiting for after all."

"Oh my god." Farah exclaimed, placing her hands on your face, "You're in love."

You blushed wildly, and the smile on your face was a dead give away. It caused her to squeal, losing her composure for a moment, wrapping her arms around you as she jumped up and down.

"Yeah," you breathed once she released you, "I guess I am."

"I'm glad you're happy now." Alex whispered, placing a soft kiss to your forehead.

"And I'm glad you pulled your head out of your arse enough to give this fine woman what she deserves." You spoke, swinging your arm over Farah's shoulder.

Alex rolled his eyes, but smiled, "Yeah yeah, whatever."

The rest of the day was a celebration.

Beautiful moment after beautiful moment.

Laswell had even allowed you to video call with Alejandro and Rudy, who both gave you a telling off for what you did in Chicago. You couldn't help but shed a few tears, both happy and sad as you missed them both too much.

By evening, everyone was hungry, and so pizzas were ordered and the alcohol started flowing.

The group was back together, and the happiness you were radiating had rubbed off on everyone else.

Ghost watched the room, leaning against the doorframe. 

Only his balaclava donned his face, without the black eye paint this time. He smiled as he watched you interact with Soap and Gaz, the three of you in the middle of a pretty intense game of Black Jack.

It wasn't going well, given the fact the three of you were completely hammered.

"Drink, Simon?" Price said, two glasses of whiskey in hand.

"Nah, thanks, Captain."

"C'mon, we're celebrating. One won't kill ya."

Ghost tore his eyes from you to look at Price, "Need t'be at my best, sir."

"Why?"

"In case she needs me." he said, nodding in your direction.

At that moment, you'd looked over, face beaming as you saw your brother and your boyfriend chatting away.

"Might not be my place, Simon, 'cause she'll always need you. But right now, she needs ya to have a good time and enjoy yourself. God knows you deserve it."

With that, Price left Ghost, the other glass full of whiskey resting next to him.

He watched you as you smiled widely, Price wobbling as he tried to sit on the floor next to you, and you making a comment along the lines of him being too old for that shit. 

Ghost looked back to the glass, pondering over his Captain's words for a moment. The sound of someone clearing their throat got his attention, and he looked up to find Laswell staring at him from the other side of the room.

She lifted her own glass, nodding to him, before knocking back the liquid.

He nodded back to her, lifting his mask to his nose, and downing the drink Price had left. 

Bourbon, fuckin' perfect.

The liquid burned as it travelled down his throat, but the sensation warmed him. It thawed him all the way through, and before he knew it, he was allowing Soap to drunkenly drag him over to the coffee table and shove him down, Gaz dealing a fresh set of cards.

You looked at him through your lashes on the opposite side of the table, a soft smile gracing your face.

I love you. You mouthed after you threw back another shot.

He copied your actions after Soap shoved a glass in his face, mask still folded at his nose, I love you too.

"Oh please, John, you were going so hard the ceiling tiles were falling down!" you yelled, hands flailing, "Mum had to drag me out of the house for over an hour so you didn't traumatise me!"

You'd lost track of the time, but at this point, you'd drank so much (thanks to Soap constantly handing you shots) that you could barely walk on your own, let alone tell the time.

Right now, you were going around in circles, each telling stories of the worst sexual experiences you'd had.

Price had been telling of the time he brought his first girlfriend home. You were only 11 at the time, and had been late home from school because of parents' evening. Price had taken the opportunity of an empty house to finally lose his virginity, only for you to come home in the middle of it.

"That's not my fault, (Y/N)! You weren't supposed to be back yet!"

Laughter erupted, loud and boisterous, as Price's ears tinted red at the thought of his little sister hearing him have sex for the first time. The others thought it was brilliant.

"Right," Soap said, wiping his tears away, "My turn."

With a swig of his drink, he became animated with his story, which also involved parents interrupting the deed, only, it wasn't his parents.

"No you fucking didn't." you gasped, hand flying to your mouth.

"Yes, I did." he repeated, "so there I was, naked as the day my mam brought me into the world, and her dad busts the door down while I'm mid thrust-"

You continued to listen, laughing every now and then.

About an hour before, Ghost had finally let loose, and was around five drinks deep, hence why you ended up now situated in his lap, squished into the small armchair together.

His arms were locked around your waist, and he had discarded his mask long ago.

His nose nudged your head as he peppered tiny kisses onto your flesh.

"You okay?" you whispered, craning your head to face him.

"M'good." he mumbled.

"You drunk?" you giggled, hiccupping a little.

"Might be."

"I can tell." you giggled, sighing as you leant back into him, "you were right, you know."

"About wha'?" he said, nose rubbing on yours as his eyes fell closed.

On a good day, your scent made his mind fuzzy. But now, intoxicated, it made him completely drunk on you. 

"You can't kill ghosts." 

He squeezed you gently, placing a kiss to your cheek as you let out a content moan.

"You can catch them, though." you added.

His eyes blinked open, a smirk tracing his lips, "You can?"

"Well," you smiled, "I caught you, didn't I?"

"I guess ya did."

He let out an airy laugh, his hands moving to shift your thighs so you faced him a little more, and he placed his lips on yours.

The kiss was soft and slow, and it said everything either of you needed to say.

"And then I had to jump out the window in nothing but my wee socks!" Soap finished his story.

The room filled with the noise of laughter once again, Gaz laughing to the point no sound came out, and he was aimlessly slapping his leg. The commotion caused you and Ghost to pull away, but the two of you shared the same smile.

This was what home felt like.

You were sure of it.

Interrupting the laughter, Laswell's phone rang, and she excused herself. You watched her leave, concern filling you based on the look on her face.

"What do you think's goin' on?" Soap slurred.

"I don't know, but based on the look on her face, it's not good." you answered him.

"S'gonna be fine, boo." Ghost spoke, pulling you close.

"Yeah," Alex spoke up from next to you, placing a hand on your knee. "We're gonna be fine."

Laswell rushed back into the room with a sense of urgency, shoving her phone back into her pocket and fumbling for the remote.

"Kate?" Price said, confused.

"We got trouble, boys." she answered, switching on the television and flicking to the global news channel.

Everyone turned to view the television, the news covering footage of a hijacked passenger aircraft, that was rumoured to have taken off in Russia.

This was no doubt the work of Makarov.

You all watched in horror as streamed footage from inside the plane showed three armed men, shooting the pilot and co-pilot dead. You gasped as the shots rang, hand flying to your mouth. Ghost pressed his cheek to your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you.

The room was stunned to silence.

You straightened up from your position on Ghost's lap, his arms locked around your waist tightly.

"So what now?" you spoke, and all eyes landed on you.

Ghost stood, bringing you with him and setting you down on the ground. His unmasked face scanned the room, and the others followed suit, a similar expression on their faces.

He looked down at you, his hand raising to stroke your cheek lightly. You leaned into his touch, worry striking your features. Pulling you into his side, Ghost looked back up, addressing the room-

"We fight."

Nods and murmurs of agreement flowed from your comrades. 

They were ready.

You were ready.

It was time to fight your way through this hell. It was time to fight for your team; for your home. 

For your Ghost.

Because you didn't spend all that time catching one to let it slip away.

"You and me, yeah, Boo?" he whispered in your ear.

You looked up, taking his face in your hands. You could see the fear on his face. You could see the worry in his eyes that he could lose you in this, that he could lose anyone in this.

Pushing up on your tip toes, your lips met his. Soft, slow, movements calmed him, and his arms moved to rest on your waist, pressing his chest to yours. When you pulled back, you placed your forehead to his, whispering.

"You and me, Simon."

a|n: and that, is the end. thank you to all of you from the bottom of my heart for reading. i can promise you, this isn't the end for our Ghost and Reaper; their story is not over. until then, stay tuned for the prequel...As Grim as the Reaper. love you all so much.

[thegempage]

a scene that may or may not exist like this in a fic i have yet to write

"So..."

You pretend not to hear him. The Prince is sitting on the stonework just above you; if his voice didn't give him away, the purple boots that land on the ground next to you would. You were given explicit instructions not to speak with him, and considering you like having your head attached to your shoulders and not mounted on a wall where you have a sneaking suspicion they once had one of your relatives, teeth forced open in a snarl you've never really liked pulling, you intend to stick to that instruction. One of the maids told you about him in advance anyway; he's literally all bark and no bite, according to the servants about to rotate out, the ones who have been here the longest, he'll talk your ear off and understands if you don't respond.

("It's unfortunate," one of the other knights had mused, fiddling with ropes and knots while she showed you around. "You can tell he just wants to talk to someone, but he must've caught wind of the fact that we're not supposed to respond because he doesn't even talk like you're there. It's best to just let him get it out and he'll leave you alone.")

"This summer heat has been a real bitch. You'd think they'd give a guy some cooler clothes to work with when the sun literally lights shit on fire if the windows aren't open in the afternoons but nah, too easy, make him work for pants that aren't a thousand degrees."

You can't say you were expecting him to be so... foul mouthed. What appears to be two pant legs land next to the boot, suspiciously unconnected to a waistband.

"The name's Dave, by the way. I know you're probably a stickler for not calling me that because everyone Mom and Dad sends is a stickler for being all formal or whatever --" A cape flutters to the ground and you think he finally settles "-- but if you don't have a stick up your ass consider this official permission to just call me Dave."

(So much for acting like you're not there.)

"You seem different than the other knights they send, but in a cool way. Like, usually they send these big muscly types who talk about how great of a vacation this is. And they're nice and all, but you're actually taking this seriously, so clearly you've got something going on or Mom and Dad wouldn't have strangled you with it."

He says it so, so casually. It makes your blood run cold. You tense, your grip tightening on your sword pommel; you'd never strike at the Prince (you're not dumb enough to do that), but it's comforting to know you're armed.

"Don't sweat it, I'm not going to ask. Even if you could respond that's kind of a dick move. We're just locked up here together, you know? Those guys all have families and pubs they get to go back to with big bonuses and stories about how the crows follow the crown prince wherever he goes after a month, but I've been here my whole life. I don't know how long they've got you here, but considering you're standing right in front of the hallway to me and Rose's rooms I've gotta assume it's a while."

Rose must be the princess. You continue to stare straight ahead and do a pretty alright job of not jumping out of your skin when two hands descend and pull your helmet off. You didn't even -- You know you put that on correctly this morning, how the fuck did he --

"Rose has been showing me some tricks," he seems to answer your internal question. "Good job not slapping me, though, some of the knights they put here have a nasty habit of almost breaking my nose when I sneak up on them. Which, fair enough --" the Prince jumps down from the stonework and you see him for the first time, unfortunately, "-- they don't expect me to know about all of the little buckles it takes to put these suits on, even though a kid could probably figure it out."

The Prince is taller than you, as your gaze laser focused ahead allows you to see. The emblem of Derse is stitched across his tunic and his outfit seems to be missing a few pieces, especially his pants from the knees down. He fiddles with your helmet as he stands in front of you, and you don't even need to expand your senses to know he's staring at you. The one thing you can't tell is with what intent. You don't think he's malicious, perhaps curious? Your grandmother would tease that your scales show when you're nervous, but that was only with magic sight, could he have such an ability? His hands are darker than yours, especially against the clean silver of your helmet, and his nails are manicured and painted a muted red. When he taps them on the metal, you can just barely hear the sound of them making contact. He breathes in like he wants to say something, but lets it out, and the two of you stand in silence.

You dare a peek. No head movement, nothing that disrespectful, but your eyes trail up to see his face. His eyes are hidden behind round, dark pieces of glass spun together with gold wire, but you can't shake the idea that he's watching you; his hair is carefully cut and styled, the late afternoon giving him a sort of halo. His expression is carefully and meticulously put together to be neutral; you can't tell what he's hiding, but you know he's hiding something.

"Just once," he says, holding out your helmet. "Talk to me once. Just tell me your name."

You hesitate. His hand is shaking and he doesn't want you to know. So you don't; you take your helmet, eyes straight ahead with it held at your side, and you say only, "Karkat Vantas."

He smiles. "Nice to meet you, Karkat."

And then he leaves.

[piracytheorist]

I cannot imagine why people read the name "the connections" and go oh yes this is a company that would advertise that they create incredibly powerful bioweapons in their day to day life? like imagine once you get deep enough to learn illegal bioweapon dealings and just being able to leave. you want to quit but can't because you know things so they can threaten you and the people you love who're you gonna tell... so why is Mia so hated for part of this? like I 100% can see the Connections watching all the shit going on the tanker as oh no... someone should have done something then started collecting data they sent two people escorting a powerful bioweapon without the treatments needed to keep it stable also Alan the person transporting Eveline with Mia I rarely see him get mentioned he says "its my fault Evie got out" and before Alan dies he is stuggling and to keep him from falling to the ground Mia reaches out and stabilises him shoulder asking Evie to stop and that's when Evie infectes her and Mia gets shoved away by Alan and then he dies... i have a lot of thoughts about the connections and because Evie turned up in shadows of rose I'm choosing to believe that RE9 will bring back the connections in some way (don't worry the clown costume is ready and waiting because of the stupid "winters story is now down" with Rose)

I mean, just because the Winters' story is """over""" doesn't necessarily mean they won't bring the Connections back... it may be hopeful thinking but you never know.

Also yes a lot of people miss the point about Mia not being a high-up in the Connections. They act like she was some kind of criminal mastermind or whatever, when she was 100% expendable for them. After Eveline attacked the ship, ended up in the Bakers' house and started infecting everyone, did the Connections try to rescue Mia? Did they at least consider observing the situation through her? Nope. They sat back on their chairs and got Lucas to give them info on Eveline's development. Granted, Lucas had more control over his mind than Mia did, as we see in Not a Hero, but they still let their own operative get fucking infected and potentially murdered in there, while choosing to observe the situation via a random murder-happy civilian. Doesn't sound like Mia had a lot of pull in that company if that's how easily they practically made her part of their experiment.

And like, as you said, it's not like all people who end up working for criminal organizations reach that point by choice. It's not like they start working and giggle evilly all cartoon-villain-like while waiting for the moment they'll be given license to kill. It's a slippery slope and before they realize it they're actually committing crimes, and by that point it's too late to just say "Yo I quit I wish y'all well" nah dude you either stay or you die. And it's not like criminal organizations advertise the fact that they do crimes. Evil people do not realize they're evil, and it's dangerously easy to forget that.

Also it looks like pretty much immediately after they were rescued, Mia spilled out everything she knew about the Connections to the BSAA (per The Baker Incident Report), which is why she was put under witness protection. Like those people who complain why she wasn't put in jail- you've never heard of an informant, dude? Step up yo game man, this stuff is actually happening in real life it's nothing new. Mia was given a way out of the Connections, and seeing how they had treated her like yet another experiment she went like "fuck 'em bitches" and just spilled everything. Having shared sensitive intel about a criminal organization, and being a witness of bioterrorism, there's no way she could have been placed in a normal jail.

(Plus I'm convinced the BSAA knew Ethan was all moldy boi by that point, kept that a secret and instead they let him and Mia go live together with a semblance of freedom cause they were betting on them having a child at a later point; a child the BSAA would potentially use later on for their own purposes. So you've got a moldy boi who begs to have his wife back and said wife has received an antidote for that moldy infection. Why keep them apart when you could let things be for a while and potentially repeat the Eveline experiment with a significantly less amount of money spent?)

[lingerxng]

devon couldnt sleep.

he hadn't had insomnia like this in a long time. hopefully it would solve itself when he got home, but with his luck lately? more meds. hooray.

he sat on the cement walkway outside the motel room, smoking far enough away from the door that it wouldn't get in. julien was still asleep, which was for the best; even three days later, he still looked like hot shit. better, but bruised and battered. no wonder devon had only seen him every few months before. he needed the time to recuperate. he still couldn't figure out how the union got away with sending people out to do shit like that without covering any kind of healthcare. given the name, it seemed pretty un-friendly to the people.

"hey."

he looked up, blinking at the other man. "did i wake you?"

"nah."

"liar."

julien huffed a laugh, wincing as he sat down next to devon. "wouldn't be the first time."

he didn't know how to respond to that. no, that was a lie-- he knew how he *wanted* to respond to that, but he held his tongue. he'd been snapping at enough people lately, he didn't need to snap at julien, too.

"you're *brooding*."

devon scoffed. "who am i, edward cullen?"

"sure are pale enough."

"ouch." he took another drag of the cigarette, focusing on the burn and pull instead of... everything else.

julien bumped his shoulder. "you good?"

he breathed out smoke. "no."

"you wanna talk about it?"

he shrugged. "i dunno what to say."

"try me."

he thought for a moment, tapping ash out on the ground next to him. "you remember puberty?"

julien blinked. "i mean. i try not to."

"yeah, but like--" devon waved vaguely. "it sucked, yeah? everything was changing, and you were so angry and confused, and everyone else was making it out like it was no big deal even though it was your entire world for months."

"yeah, i guess." his head tilted. "wizard stuff?"

devon nodded. "wizard stuff. this is basically puberty number three. because i just wasn't fucked up enough." he shook his head, sticking the butt back in his mouth, if only for an excuse to not talk anymore.

julien wasn't having it. "okay, well. what're you gonna do about it?"

"i was planning on ignoring it for the rest of my life."

his face fell flat. "d."

"i know," he sighed, rubbing an aggravated hand over his face. "i just..." he laughed. "you have no idea how much this sucks, dude."

"maybe not." he shrugged. "but someone probably does." when devon scoffed, he added, "what, you think you're the only person in the history of the world who fate decided was special?"

"can we stop calling me special."

"...yeah, sure." there was a beat, then julien leaned over to bump their shoulders together. "i don't have answers for you. i know that's not what you wanna hear, but... i don't think anyone is gonna have a satisfactory answer, man."

blinking, devon looked up. "what?"

julien looked... uncomfortable. "look, you... you like things to be binary, i guess. things are, or they aren't. yes or no. so... it kinda makes sense that you're like, not dealing well with the whole fate thing, right?"

"what do you mean?" he could hear the bristley tone in his voice, but he never had liked being told about himself.

julien held up his hands defensively. "woah, hey, i'm just theorizing here. i don't know shit about fate or magic or any of this. but... you can *do* things with fate, right? change it or whatever?"

"kinda, yeah."

"well." he started counting off on fingers. "first of all, i can't imagine you're happy about it existing at all. you like being able to choose for yourself. so you're probably freaking out that fate is playing a hand in your life at all."

"and second?"

"you're trying to force things to stay the same. it's like... like you got in a turn lane, and you're angry that the road isn't going straight." his hand dropped when he turned to meet devon's eye. "you gotta stop fighting it. see where it takes you. might be good."

"might be shit."

"one way to find out."

devon stared at julien, more than a little stunned at being read so easily. "...who said you could be so smart, anyway?"

he grinned. "what? i'm not allowed to be insightful?"

"didn't think you knew what that word meant."

"oh, fuck you." he stood, groaning slightly, and offered devon a hand. "c'mon. i'm exhausted from laying in bed all day."

devon sucked down the last of his cigarette and ground it out, blowing smoke into the night air. "yeah, your life is so hard. you know i stopped a madman two days ago?" he took julien's hand, pulling himself up.

"cry me a river." still holding devon's hand, he pulled him back into the room.

[taintedlxve]

Wild that this was posted when I wasn't around to defend myself. Apologies to the person who sent me this I feel like they were trying to reassure me but all it did was make me mad lol.

Anyways, I'm mentally ill and reading this shit kind of fucked up my day and since I just can't let shit go without correcting the record I'm just gonna go over some things rq and go back to my hiatus. You don't gotta read, but I was called a liar repeatedly and I'm not gonna let that sit.

A lot of Awoo's post screams out to me as "i'm taking accountability but not really" and I just want to point out places where I feel she's being disengenuous and go back to my hiatus bc I had a good vibe going until now lmao.

I'm skipping the really long explanation about why she never followed me, frankly as I've said before my problems with her extend past that entirely and at this point I don't think it matters that much.

I'll just say this, we had a private conversation in which I made it expressly clear it was okay to come to me about something if she felt she had a problem the LAST time she blocked me for no reason (to be clear to this day I don't know what the hell I was supposed to be sorry for?) after I decided to just unfollow her from her breedingacademy sideblog bc she was replying to other folks' stuff and seemed to just ignore mine. She apologized for this and said she'd do better and I believed her. This, primarily, why I didn't reach out at first.

Further in the post she mentions the vent I wrote that was, in fact, 1000% about her. Ngl I forgot I even wrote it and was surprised by how recently it was. I dunno if I'm really sorry about what I said, it's how I felt at the time and just given the context of how I've allowed you to treat me I simply don't trust you like that anymore.

To be clear I had a LOT of dropped threads at the time or wasn't getting responses at all and that was actively fucking with me and making me wanna quit entirely, but Awoo's behavior stuck with me bc she was one of the few whose responses flooded my dash and I just wouldn't be included. Not saying she's lying but frankly frankly even if it was true Idk what to tell you cause that wasn't the reason she gave at the time.

You very much did say "it's nobody's fault" and "my brain works differently" since you're accusing me of malicously taking you out of context and/or misremembering, but unfortunately I can't access the reply in the image attached bc it's been removed. I'll link it here, maybe something's fucky with my tumblr, I thought it might have been from the blog she ended up deleting but nah it takes me back to her current so -shrug-.

To go into further explanation about what she said (bc obviously I wasn't going to commit a post to photgraphic memory in a vent post) it was something to the effect of "sorry, that's just not how my brain works. once you tell me you're tired of something my brain just labels it as 'avoid at all costs'. It's nobody's fault but…" etc. etc.

She mentions she's autistic, which, I know?? She's mentioned it several times over the last 10 years. Most of my friends are neurodivergent with needs unmet. I'm autistic and soon to be tested for ADHD with needs unmet. I understand that life and socialization is extremely difficult for neurodivergent people.

My partner literally has avpd but she understands that ignoring people bc they make her anxious hurts those people and she takes steps to do what she's able to to circumvent those obstacles bc she cares about those people. I'm really over this self-infantilization people leap to to avoid being criticized the negatives things done because of their neurodivergence. Reminds me of when Sara would beef with everyone on dash and say 'Oh it's my depression'.

And it's not like you were unable to communicate. When I said I was playing fem!Izuku is like the ONLY time I've ever had you reach out to me in my DMs unprompted

Sure, maybe I missed the point of your callout post, whatever, but the point of my message was literally all I've ever asked of you was like, to talk to me and you blocked me without communicating again. The diff is I'm just over being gaslit into being nice and feeling like it's my fault.

You trying to push the responsibility back onto me with a "Oh well she never asked if she had a problem with me" in spite of the fact that I went SO far out of my way to accommodate you to the point of giving you different Cyr icons bc you were squicked out by hair covering eyes just puts the nastiest fucking taste in my mouth and it makes me mad tbh.

I cannot stress how much I'm always the one people expect to make the first move and how sick of it I am, that's why I didn't come to you. I'm not a 'coward', I just was done bowing and scraping for people who didn't like me.

If you cared, you had my discord, and it wasn't like I blocked you first. You had ways of contacting me, and you didn't. So the rigamarole of you 'being worried for me' just doesn't pass my smell test, sorry.

Maybe it does make me hypocrite to smell bs when I see it but it definitely doesn't make me gullible.

The rest is just her demanding an apology from me (nah, you first bitch) but, and I wanna be explicitly clear, the feeling is very mutual, I want nothing to do with this chick.

I wanna be very clear that the end result of this was never to rebuild a friendship with Awoo bc again, once she blocked me I realized this wasn't even the bulk of my problem with her, it was the last straw.

I'm don't wanna be friends with someone who publically calls me me disengenuous and makes me feel so bad I end up apologizing.

Or, again, someone who blocks me when I just say "oh, this person doesn't seem to want to interact on this sideblog so I'll just unfollow"

Maybe you're not like that anymore, or your neurodivergence makes you that way, but I just don't want people like that in my life anymore, and I'm done letting people make me feel small for standing up for myself.

I'll cop to calling you a bad person and saying you hate me bc a lot of that was me being in my feelings and I'm not a mind reader, nor do I know you well enough outside of the internet to make these claims.

But as much as you've tried to victimize yourself I 1000% stand by what I said before, I hope you don't treat you muts as shitty as you treated me.

Thank you for confirming tho that you're not sorry I think helps to know

[devastatinglygreen]

Brosephine back to say “Did you ever know that your my heroooo”

When I tell you *that storyline* still makes me irrationally angry bc not only is it SO far removed from the book and the relationship between those characters (HIS COUSIN????) It changes the Polin dynamic so much. We knew as Polin shippers we’d have to deal with the “I’ll never marry/court Penelope” but to watch him do all of that right in front of Pen while book!Colin specifically says he never proposed to anyone else???? And Colin already has enough doubt and second guessing about his place in the world as the third son. VERY UNNECESSARY to add in some more insecurity and question of whether or not his real fiancé is lying to him! Nah for these reasons alone S3 will be superior bc at least it made fucking sense.

Also as a Plant Daddy and Eloise fan I’d love for their story to be next, and think it’d make the most sense given where the story left off (My conspiracy is given that Ben was often with Hy and Greg this season when he wasn’t being the story bicycle means he’s not mature enough/ready for his love story yet) BUT is that just going to be used as more angst for Pen given what *that storyline* meant for her? This is why I have CVDPTSD.

"you're everything i wish i could beeeeeeee"

it's so random, really. and to make her a featherington cousin when her being a bridgerton cousin is literally the crux of why eloise writes to phillip is wild but whatever.

we get it, the show likes love triangles but she wasn't even interested past her own interests and you know how shows often write women with an ulterior motive that either condemns or absolves them? it was like that but make her inherently unlikable on top of it.

also i feel like the triangle needs to know it's a triangle to work and also love triangles are awful and we need to stop relying on them because the show doesn't really put any effort into them. debling? colin never even speaks to him (10/10 no notes on that, that's hilarious actually) but stares hatefully. that man wasn't even aware there was one, he was like i need a wife and i want to see some penguins.

(tho pour one out to knowing, with your whole heart, had there been another female for colin that pen had to suffer through, she'd have been called petty and immature if she'd acted at all the way colin did)

i do think s3 tried to fix some of his insecurity, pls no one throw tomatoes at me, by having him search for the physical connection with randoms that left him wanting. it was a very clear way to have him understand the difference in how he felt after being with penelope. and how clear they made it that he was in love, he was telling everyone about it, he wasn't using it as a defense to get people to take him seriously, he was like, i don't think you understand, i am losing my shit about being in love, this has never happened before i am stupid in love and also possibly the most motivated man on the planet i cannot pick a struggle. i need to see my wife immediately.

they were also not subtle about anthony being like at least you're getting married for all the RIGHT reasons this time. LIKE LOVE. because that wasn't it the first time, bro.

either way. still. they had to do way too much work to bring him back around to book colin's revelation of how nothing like penelope had ever happened to him before.

i would loooove eloise next but idk. i'm down for a conspiracy theory. and yesssss, you know they'd love to have shoved all the angst down penelope's throat about it. cvdptsd fr fr.

support group is tuesdays at 7pm. bring cookies. or cake (don't worry, we looked into it and it does not get you pregnant).

[jaythelay]

Honestly I've been thinking, and I think what Minecraft needs is Terraria's adventure mode, where finding blocks unlocks them to spawn infinitely. Just have a system where you need to pay for them with experience points or something and the loop will be far better for it.

I've been playing Modercraft for the past couple weeks, if I hadn't been using this ruleset, I'd honestly not have been able to play this long. Building in Moderncraft is actually painful. Learning recipes much the same. It's entire progression can best be described as tedious. You will always need to go out of your way for something, and no longer is it that, that something, is but one thing, like a Jukebox, but instead feels like making the Cake for every conceivable new thing, not just crafting.

That being said, the majority of the world generation is kinda bad, but the height of cliffs, ravines of water into caves, the caves themselves and how interconnected they are, if you ask me, Moderncraft has the second best world-gen of any Minecraft version or mod for it's intended use in the world.

Seriously, I went creative with my ruleset, made an underground base, just kept building and building, expanding and growing the stairs down and mini-homes everywhere. The amount of times I'd find a new area just building was great, this is when Moderncraft has been at it's best for me, when building and the world-gen feel very hand-in-hand.

Problem is, with no teleportation system, it's more than useless to build random homes and such all around. I'll never remember them. Having to remember coords is genuinely just not fun, especially to use to teleport with the command. No in-game way just feels bizarre when the biomes are...just...just the most frustrating of sizes. Like an Ocean just Never Ends, Whatever Biome you spawn in, I sure hope you like Jungle because It's Jungle all the fuck over and actually nothing but that and Ocean! Followed by Yet Again more Jungle! I hope you like Jungle!

What this means is there's actively 0 purpose to building in minecraft. None. Make a hole with a ladder, have a hallway of chests on one side and a hallway of useables on the other. There is actively, functionally, usefully, nothing better and you'd be a fool to make a minecart system, as it's slower than flying in creative mode. I'm literally giving building God Mode and it still isn't worth doing.

See, in Old Minecraft you're actively pressured to build because, well shit, it's not like you had fuckelse to do? What, gonna grind for bones? What for Bonemeal? There's no Exp, there is no super secret crafting recipe that requires some obscure piec-

Nah man, you build, that's the game. Everything in the world is set up for you to use, not just ignore, not just go "That's fucking ugly who the hell put that in my god damned Minecraft" and that's largely because it's so limited. It's not trying to overplay it's hand and give niche blocks like... did...did we need tuff? No seriously, did we need concrete, and like....it's just for pixel artists at that point. I get it, I do, I'm just saying, it's not creative to have such a MASSIVE scope of tools. It's actively the opposite, it's not even choice paralysis, it's telling a creator "Make something!" with absolutely no direction, there's Nothing connecting anything together.

If I were to simplify, Old just says "get supplies to build" while Modern says "yo can just do wahtever man woh carse? Go fInd Valliges and tEh End" meaning whatever you build in Old has an implicit purpose: I built this with my bare god damn hands using what I could find"

where as Modern just has too many options to the point none of it really stands out anymore. If everyone is given 6 colors to work with it means you can see what people can really do with it. But when everyone is given everything, it's like...okay? Well I'll never be able to do that and it's so complicated I genuinely never want to.

It's like making a Resource Pack these days. It's completely understandable why they have it structured the way they do, but the fact is? They just have too much, and now texture packs are just about dead. It's mostly audio and oddly enough? Mods. There's very few left and no one is doing 16x16 anymore. I miss RPG texture packs, one's that had that dark outline with lighting. At such a small res, it just had such a nice contrast. Seriously, open up a resource pack and try modding 10% of what's there. There's too much to edit.

In turn, with Modern, When someone does build something complex, you're not only completely uninterested in trying yourself, you wouldn't even know where to begin.

To Simplify that.

When you see a complex build in Old, you can truly relate to it because the actual Build is what mattered, you know what blocks they used and the effort required.

With Modern when you see a complex build, the point was a test of knowledge and skill that separates instead of relates. Redstone was kind've this oddball most people ignored and imo, the fact they made it more complicated instead of easier to use, is once again, another example of the point I'm rambling towards discovering for myself.

With all these new blocks, it's no longer a simple experience where everyone can build something interesting and/or functional. In order to get resources, you need to mine, in the process you'll accumulate blocks, so you'll build with them. That's baseline the gameplay of Old.

Cobblestone can be smelted like ores and food into smoothstone. Sand into Glass. Gravel drops Flint. These all have functions and simple recipes. All of which pointed towards Building as the next step. The Loop was simple, so the blocks HAD to be simple. The most you'd actually have to go out of your way, would be Obsidian, and that involves combining water with lava, once again, interacting with the world in a way that comes right back down to: You Build With It, or Use It.

Modern has so many decoration blocks it's mind-numbing. A Flower Pot. Okay, what does this do for me? I put flower in. Okay. I had to search for Clay, get resources to smelt it into brick, then make this. That's...fine. But like...where's the function at? Then there's all the new stones and they're just so ugly. Just the most disgusting looking blocks I've ever seen in anything minecraft. They're just...decoration blocks, once again. There's Nether Quartz and that's for some shit. So far Lanterns have been the favorite addition because they serve an actual function while still being a decorative piece. Don't get me started on Copper, what a waste of a cool concept, I like it turning green and all, but like...ya'll ever just recognize how much you'd have to explain to reach a simple conclusion? Realism in minecraft is stupid, what Old did with "realism" was say "what if blocks and simpler" while Modern just went "What if Realistic!? Yeah, Yeah! What if Realistic!?!?! Fuck it, change every conceivable aspect to be realistic!" and that's the short of it.

If you look at Old's block selection, what you'll notice is that it's not hard to get or make anything. It's all pretty easy and goes along with what you'd be doing for progressing your equipment. Smelting, crafting obvious patterns.

You can't look me in the eyes can tell me a majority of player's have made half of Modern's anything out of sheer intuitiveness. It's all Cake recipes.

See, if I were to really explain the difference between Modern and Old, Modern just uses Old as a base and expects it to carry the rest while totally disrespecting it and treating it like it was too simple. Just think, if you had a chest full of shit and you saw Feathers and Flint, you're more than likely going to consider Arrows after considering making a bow, which again, you absolutely can come to the idea of on your own, even in peaceful mode but if not? Skeletons make you want to make arrows, you will discover how on your own, no recipe book or Wiki page needed.

I seriously can't think of any modern blocks for an example, because I never use them. I don't even refuse, they're just ugly or their very concept is infuriating. Like there's a bow and arrow crafting table like block that does absolutely nothing. Why. I kinda dig Smokers and Blast Furnaces. They're not upgrades to the Furnace, but Upgrades to Smelting and Cooking. Genuinely cool ideas, don't like how they look but that's due to Modern's color palette being ridiculous.

I dunno. I'm rambling at this point. Really, what I wanted to boil it down to is this: I've not had a bad time in Moderncraft, but boy if I ain't still struggling to play at the same time. If I didn't have shaders to make it genuinely dark and remove the garbage color palette, have my custom texture pack overlaid on an Alpha texture pack that future fixes lighting, a mod to remove Hunger, and my custom ruleset, I'd not be playing.

Now I say all this and don't want people to think "Oh I want Moderncraft dead and gone or changed entirely" Nah man, I've had that happen to me with Old, I don't want ya'lls eventual Old to be the same. I don't blame Microsoft for the direction, I blame Jeb, and honestly? Notch just a bit too. Poor guy was Not Ready for anything. I truly wish Minecraft stayed very niche for another year or two, just so we'd see a more complete vision from him before All of Beta altered course. Imo, the most complete vision was Alpha's last version, or late Infdev/Indev.

To me, Minecraft is meant to be simple. Every block has a purpose, every item has a purpose. If you ignore something, it's down to preference or not having a use for it yet/"it's beta bro it'll update!"

Modern's issue is it caters to every niche instead of being an all around experience with a loop that incorporates everything into it.

The issue with Old, however, is there's nothing after getting Diamond and getting your base built, other than building more, what Old needed was something to keep that resource gathering going, if there was an "end" to Old, it'd be when you're no longer motivated to work on your house or make another one.

Modern...golly, I couldn't even tell you, it'll be a while. And that's both good and bad.

I'm done rambling. Last thing to say is just that Minecraft of Old works as a complete vision, while with Modern? I'd be lying if I said I didn't constantly think about my idea to split the game into 4 versions that focus on individual aspects of it's 4 pillars, from pvp, to creativity, to hilarity, to adventure. It really does not feel like a game capable of juggling all 4 and so far? Hasn't been competent at it either. It's so expanded upon and then expanded upon further that it feels like what I imagine jumping into WoW would be these days.

[eristic-kaleidoscope]

Info Weasel's Last Goodbye | Erik A | Trial 3 Vote Reaction 2 | Re: Eureka, Byrne, etc

Erik A looks to Erisu, wanting to say something to her about the Eureka and Azr situation but deciding it might be better to in private, since he’ll actually get the chance with her. So for now he gives a little nod, and once he catches her line of sight signs [Talk later] in ASL for her, which translates automatically. He imagines she might need a bit to recover after this, too.

Then he looks back as Eureka looks over him, analyzing him. And damn, what a thing to say, huh? The wording there definitely rubs him the wrong way a bit. Not to mention, claiming that he was once more responsible for Ae-ra’s behavior changes after she had just not only chosen to kill someone but also been killed herself as well. He can’t be sure if she means it that, but given the circumstances, boy is it still reminiscent of the time Byrne blamed him for Ae-ra getting hurt by Arakiel once from his influence affecting her. Thankfully, he’d already managed to talk that one out with the guy, though. He also offers a nod Byrne’s way for the acknowledgement there too.

“Mmm, nah, I didn’t ‘fix’ shit. Honestly I think the idea that one person can ‘fix’ another is kinda fucked up, just like trying to do it on purpose is, yeah? So nah. I’m sure as fuck just some human and not a wrench, and same for the other way around. If me being around someone makes them wanna change something, that’s more on them and their choices than on me, for Ae-ra’s and the others too. Personal agency, and all. Most I can do is give advice or takes based on my own experience, but that doesn't mean people’ll listen to it. Not to mention, people are more complicated than ‘broken’ or ‘fixed’. Even you.”

He was trying pretty hard not to blame himself for Ae-ra’s situation here, actually, both for himself and anyone else who might also be feeling that way.

The rest of what she says to him though, egging him on by saying she was listening to him. He can tell it's mocking about the ‘fixing’ part and not exactly her sister, and still thinks she won’t, but… Well, this is his last chance to tell her in person, before the only form he has to talk to is whatever those VR versions of them are, existence unclear. So if she was asking for it… Well, first he turns to END and flicks his eyes over everyone else here too.

“Hey, if you or anyone else don’t wanna hear any more, just cover your ears or something for this, yeah? I know it’s not easy, but I do wanna get this out there.”

Forewarning, at least. She could be mad at him still if she wanted to, but at least he’d tried to give that much. Then, he looks again to Eureka, not at all thrown off by the silly way that she was acting right now. Honestly, he was usually the same about death, it was a coping thing sometimes like that. But right now, his own expression is a bit more serious, just to get across that he means what he says because.

“I’m not saying she wasn’t a threat to you because I’m just assuming things, I know she isn’t because I’ve read her files, her psych evaluations, her medical reports, government assessments, all that. She was only 10 years old but looking older than that when ‘02’ left her and ‘04’ behind, and for a while she had to live on her own before seeking help with the US government three years back. And while I’m certain 02 hated you, I know neither ‘05’ or ‘04’ did like she did, that if anything they were grateful that they hadn’t had to grow up with your mom and that they didn’t like being stuck with 02 either. ‘05’ put on record that she thought highly of you even, despite never knowing you, just based solely on that.

Not to mention, being watched closely by the government while she’s getting help from them for her biological shit?? Real fucking hard to just up and go attacking anyone without them catching on real fast, and as someone who’s had the government watching me real fucking close for unrelated reasons in the last five years, I’d know. I work for the government now, after all.”

…Holy shit, he sure wasn’t kidding about knowing some things, yeah. He absolutely knew more, too, but this was as much as he was willing to out given the circumstances. This was the kid Eureka murdered someone to try and kill, after all.

“Anyways, that’s not shit I technically should have been reading, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve known about that case since before this experiment started, though I didn't wanna spill confidential shit unnecessarily. Was considering telling you recently too with the motive and you saying you didn’t know much about her in our round, but I never got the chance in the end.

Not that I knew you had it out for her and your other sister beforehand, anyways, that I didn't know. Dunno how that woulda gone, and you might have just not believed me done this anyways and made me wonder if it was my fault then anyhow. No real use thinking about it now.”

He shrugs. That or she would have gotten paranoid about him and killed him instead, perhaps. Would that have been better…? Only if Ae-ra herself hadn’t already killed someone, maybe it would be, but the hypotheticals are too loose to pin down. This reality was the one they were stuck with regardless.

He looks at Byrne as he specifically yells at Azr though, and nods after a moment, before looking at Azr himself. He would give a little on that, then.

“Well, I was gonna bring it up in private and wouldn’ta, but gotta agree with Byrne and END about the justice thing here, justice implies the punishment is morally righteous more than a justified in our situation, you know? There’s connotations there, and I dunno if you meant it like that or not. Pro tip is you can apologize for something without tacking a ‘but’ on that makes it seem less genuine. You can worry about that later, though.”

Hopefully that calmer explanation helped, on that front. He still has more to talk to him about privately, because he doesn’t wanna bring the focus too much on that kind of thing publicly. So, one final time, he looks back to Eureka with a sigh.

“So. Fuckin’... see ya space cowgirl, I guess. Though hopefully, not anytime soon in person.”

He gives a two fingered mock solute, and just watches her from here. No sorrys from him, both in the sense that he wouldn’t feel sorry for her and in the sense that he wouldn’t apologize for anything right now. 

But god damn did all this suck.

[punkscowardschampions]

Casey & Janis Pt.1

Casey: Where are you

Janis: Had to go to my mum’s, see Billie for something

Janis: Is everything alright?

Casey: I need you to be back here

Casey: I need you to help me

Janis: Right, okay, I’ll leave now

Janis: you know how long that takes, do you need me to do anything in the meantime, like

Casey: I dunno

Casey: I just

Casey: I reckoned on you’d already be here and now I dunno

Janis: Do you need someone there quicker

Casey: I’m not bleeding out, if only, like

Casey: her parents would be chuffed to bits if I was

Janis: Did you have a fight

Casey: it’s her own fault, she fucking lied to me

Janis: what about

Casey: everything the bitch said

Janis: from the start

Janis: you must be proper upset 

Casey: she ain’t given her place up to stay with me, that were bollocks, she’s going

Casey: and what, I’m meant to chuck her a bottle of [whatever the hot champagne of this era is] and send her on her way buzzing, the fuck am I

Janis: oh

Janis: that’s really tough, especially as it blindsided you

Casey: she had a right laugh about it, thinking I would an’ all

Casey: ‘cause it’s so funny I reckoned she was dead serious

Janis: that’s fucking horrible, Case

Janis: I thought she was at least dreading the conversation, too

Casey: she deserved it, too right she did for all this, you get it

Janis: of course I get why you’re hurt, anyone would be by that

Janis: but do you think you might get in trouble for this, properly, I mean

Casey: it don’t matter, there weren’t nowt else I could do, especially not let her make a massive twat of us then leave

Janis: It does matter, what happens to you

Casey: I did what I had to, she learned the lesson she had to

Janis: It’s true that it’s done now, yeah

Janis: and if they call the police then that’s what we’re dealing with

Casey: Maybe dad’ll come visit, he’ll be dead proud finally when he hears

Janis: I should’ve never have told you this was a good idea, Jesus

Casey: I said, it’s her fault, nobody else’s 

Casey: she should never have thought she could get away with treating us like that

Janis: but she can, can’t she

Janis: yes, you’ve hurt her physically, and that isn’t nothing

Janis: but she will still leave and what you didn’t want to happen has and will still happen

Casey: nah, I want her to leave now, fuck her

Janis: I wish that meant you were happy now but we don’t need to pretend 

Casey: be a stretch on a day none of this had happened, I ain’t gonna start pretending for you like that

Janis: I’m sorry

Casey: yeah, me too, I’ll never be that dickhead

Janis: If I was a less shit friend, I would’ve known, or told you that you couldn’t keep on in it, anything before this point

Casey: I’d be a shitter mate if I let you know

Janis: No, it shouldn’t work like that, I should’ve been there for you then

Janis: but I can only do it from now on

Casey: it were working how it should, how I promised

Casey: but I could only hack it for [however long it’s been]

Janis: it’s not working if you aren’t happy, that’s not ever what I want

Casey: you heard, I’ll never be, but this was the best I was gonna do, the hardest I’ve tried

Janis: Bollocks

Janis: she was a liar and immature as fuck

Casey: Dad taught us how to sort that, I should be off to his, what the fuck am I here for

Janis: did he now

Janis: or is everyone he ever came into contact with a fucking mess

Janis: Your dad isn’t going to help you, and you know that, he never does

Casey: don’t, alright

Janis: no because you only want to go there to get beaten up a bit yourself

Janis: it’s a terrible idea, just stay, okay

Casey: how’s that any better of an idea

Casey: you coming here to me

Janis: I’m not saying it’s amazing but it’s the best choice you have, alright

Janis: you need to stay here, you’d look like you were doing a runner

Casey: you hit me then, I’ll stay for it

Janis: you’ve been conditioned to think that’s what you deserve, any time you feel bad, that’ll stop it, even it out for whatever you did to make you feel like shit in the first place

Janis: that’s not how it’s gonna work though, that’s not the reality of this situation, if the police are coming, it’s not just to kick your head in for you

Casey: you’d think I deserved it too if you was there

Janis: I ain’t doing it

Janis: I’m not going to witness how you’ve grown up and been raised and then do that

Casey: it’s love, and I know you love me

Janis: it’s how people who haven’t experienced any other kind show it, maybe

Janis: don’t turn it into that, not when I’m still here and I want to do it differently

Casey: I don’t know what the fuck else to do no more

Janis: You can go see Ian, I’m not telling you to but I won’t tell you not to either

Janis: but his kind of love keeps you going how long, before you do something you don’t wanna do because you don’t know what else you can do again

Casey: ours ain’t no different, we just wish it were

Casey: you described it when you did his

Janis: maybe you’re right

Janis: maybe it’s all just a plaster over a fucking gaping hole

Casey: they wanna hurry up and collect me, there’s nowhere else to bother heading towards

Janis: then hand yourself in

Casey: alright, first good idea either one of us has had

Janis: I really hope it teaches you every lesson you need to learn but I don’t have that much faith

Casey: nor do I, girl

Casey: Let us see you first anyway, before, you know what I’m like about goodbyes and all that

Janis: it isn’t a goodbye

Casey: yeah it is

Janis: right

Janis: no one makes you look like a twat again and we’re all fucking stupid for even trying to be anything more than miserable

Casey: What do you want me to tell you, you ain’t built like us no more, you only think how he does and I ain’t never gonna fucking break like that dickhead has done

Janis: only different methods

Casey: different animals, he’s prey and he likes being miserable so there’s no need to act like none of you are trying that hard to change nowt, not deep down

Janis: because you’re really trying hard to go against what you were raised to be right now, aren’t you

Janis: you’re the one that’s giving up, make no mistake

Casey: I ain’t got a single reason, he has every and he still chucks them all every chance he gets

Janis: you said it yourself, clearly no love is enough, if that’s true then he’s got nothing more than you have

Casey: and if I said it, must be true, no bollocks ever coming out of my mouth, is there

Janis: Not going to tell you you’re being hysterical, like

Casey: try it, I’ll show you hysterical, far as a goodbye goes, better than none

Janis: you already know what my answer is gonna be

Casey: I already know you’ve got no answers, yeah

Janis: what are you waiting for, an excuse to kick off

Casey: been and done it, keep up, mate

Casey: waiting for you and the garda, depending who gets here first

Janis: it’ll be them

Casey: probably, but I never stuck about long enough to know if they’d been given a ring or nah

Janis: how disappointing for you if she turns out to be that stupid

Casey: got your top back up plan, no need to be too gutted

Janis: nah, I mean, if it turns out she didn’t, you could’ve really moulded her into what you wanted after-all

Casey: I know what you meant, but it’s not what I want, I did it for you

Janis: yeah

Janis: so blame me

Casey: shut up being a martyr same as him, I’m responsible for myself and what I done, getting out the way of your happy family didn’t mean I had to take it as far as [whatever violent act you committed, I truly don’t wanna speculate because it’s bound to be grim]

Janis: no shit

Janis: we’ve both done things we didn’t need to, shouldn’t have, whatever makes more sense when none of it does

Casey: if I could hate you, blame you, any of it, I would’ve been for a decade, piss off offering it up to us as a solution now

Janis: I’m the last person you need to tell that to

Janis: as if I don’t know

Casey: just tell me what to do

Janis: you hoping the amount of times I get it wrong, you might finally hate me?

Janis: we can try

Casey: I can’t sit here going out of my head til you show up

Janis: okay

Janis: meet me halfway

Janis: put headphones in and keep your head down, it isn’t long before it’s proper country roads and you won’t see nobody

Casey: okay

Janis: just trust me, it works well enough

Casey: I do, and that ain’t bollocks, however much else I’ve said you know is

Janis: and if you get in the car and wanna leg it, I remember how to do that too

Casey: I wanna be with you, give a shit about where

Janis: I need to see you too

Janis: I did stop driving, for a bit

Janis: but I couldn’t turn around

Casey: you can’t, if you don’t wanna help, there ain’t none for me waiting round a different corner

Janis: I really, really want to and I’ll keep trying, even if it makes you think I’m a fucking idiot, it don’t matter as much

Casey: I’d rather you were the twat you are than the bastard I am

Janis: I can’t tell you you’re not a bastard right now with any chance of you believing me about anything ever again

Janis: but you aren’t a total bastard, I’ll stand by that

Casey: and you aren’t a total twat, like your massive twat of a husband, I never meant you was even while I said it

Janis: truth is, I’d rather believe the you saying that now than the you who said all that

Janis: because I can’t hack it, so I will

Casey: truth is, I keep hurting you and I’d rather drive this car into a bloody wall

Janis: sometimes I think that’s all I’ve ever done to you

Casey: me an’ all, and I wish I were more like my mum and then I could piss off and leave you, but that’d only hurt you too

Janis: there isn’t an easy way out

Janis: and for the record, I don’t think there was for your mum, I know we’ll never know but

Casey: she wasn’t one for taking it, hard way or no fucking way, it’s Ian who’s after what’s as easy as he can get hold of

Janis: exactly

Janis: whatever happened, it clearly weren’t happily ever after for her

Casey: it weren’t right either how she loved me but it was different, I know it don’t have to be according to Ian and nowt else

Janis: I really weren’t trying to say you were like that

Janis: I was just talking about him, I know you’ve known different

Casey: Don’t worry, who knows what I’ve been saying or trying to say for most of this convo, state of my head

Janis: we can draw a line under that

Janis: be a real dickhead move to make this about my hurt feelings

Casey: we’re not them, I don’t wanna be and that ain’t how you love me, never has been

Janis: it’s not gonna be

Janis: fuck’s sake, have to stick to at least some of the shit I say, right

Casey: it’s just hard, working out this is my life, what it’s come to

Janis: if I had one to hand I’d drink to that

Janis: you are still young, so am I as well but you know

Janis: isn’t totally fucking hopeless

Casey: I feel knackered, if you said I’m 90 and it’s fucking hopeless that’d be well more believable at the minute

Janis: you ain’t allowed to argue if I tell you what you need is some sleep

Janis: not even taking the piss about blankets, alright

Casey: but I can’t, with it replaying over and over

Janis: that I can knock you out for, if necessary 

Janis: what do you think, will talking about it make it less in your head or just keep it there longer and brighter

Casey: I don’t want you having it in yours, us like that

Janis: I understand

Janis: wouldn’t have to give [school therapist] a bell for real to talk to someone though, others about

Casey: we were them, me and her, like I was a kid acting out some shit play he’d never bother to come watch, I can’t even feel how I fucking want to then, when she’s taking it all off me and I’m the only dickhead it effects

Janis: you did it a lot, when I first met you

Janis: it was well rehearsed, when the other person sticks to the script, which, they usually do

Casey: and when lasses stick to that script we can be you and him, when the fuck am I me though

Janis: first, you’ve gotta work out who that is

Casey: be a right laugh that will

Janis: I reckon most people make it up

Janis: working out who you wanna be is slightly easier than starting from no fucking clue, I guess

Casey: right

Janis: I’ll yeah or nah any suggestions, obviously

Casey: tah very much

Janis: it’ll get easier, picking the good bits of yourself that are you

Janis: ignoring the shit you don’t want from him

Casey: bit old to be trying to crack on and make a start with it, kind of shit you’re meant to do when you’re our kid’s age but

Janis: nah, you are a bloke, after-all

Janis: could get to middle age, realise you’ve got no clue and buy yourself a poncey sports car to unimpress 18 year olds with

Janis: anything, you’re slightly ahead realising you’re lost, mate

Casey: long as I’m not marrying a bird and taking her kids on, won’t have got very far away from Ian

Janis: yeah, seems unlikely

Casey: unless it’s you, yeah, but even more unlikely you’ll have let yourself go by then so be alright

Janis: so it’s alright if she’s fit then

Casey: as fit as you, get away with owt

Janis: maybe with you, kid’d fucking hate me though

Casey: nah, be a top mum, especially by the time you’re that old

Janis: ugh, I don’t wanna think about it

Casey: What do you wanna then

Janis: I’d say anything but that but I’ll try and be more specific 

Janis: what about you, would you ever have kids

Casey: doubt I’ll work out who I am and that dickhead’ll be someone who could be a top dad

Janis: be on Bob and Libs to have loads so they look after us all and we don’t die in some shit care home

Casey: no chance, we’ll die waiting for him to say or do anything about being in love with her

Janis: I didn’t mean together, for the record

Casey: good job, like

Janis: I just hope they move on at roughly the same time

Janis: or it’s going to be really painful to watch

Casey: can offer him the benefit of all my experience being left in the bloody cold, bound to be chuffed

Janis: you know I’d change it, if I could

Casey: can’t change the fact I were 12, mate, I get it, you’re the one person hanging about me back then who ain’t a massive nonce

Janis: soz, like

Janis: already got called frigid, if I hung about for another 4 years, would’ve been carted off to the convent 

Casey: never rid yourself of them gay rumours

Janis: exactly, constantly turning down girls from then ‘til now’d be a full-time job in itself

Casey: why I can’t be bothered, yeah

Janis: is it?

Casey: that and the priesthood don’t sound like it’s for me

Janis: don’t think it’s a step in the right direction for ya, no

Casey: if lasses are that desperate, gotta do some good deeds somewhere, don’t I

Janis: 😏

Janis: just stick to shagging ‘em for a bit, alright, no emotions

Casey: turned on feels like it’d be an emotion but alright

Janis: well I’d LOVE to tell you to save yourself but think you’d be miserable not doing your charity work, like

Casey: I’ll promise to think about if you’re promising to marry us when I’m middle aged

Janis: can’t say you wouldn’t be old enough then

Janis: as long as I’ve not let myself go, yeah?

Casey: might be too old to get turned on if I do take after Ian, but if you’ve not let yourself go, see what I can manage

Janis: you’ve given me loads of time to bulk buy the viagra so can’t say fairer

Casey: 😏 heart attack in one of them moments is loads better than a shit care home, you’ve got a deal 

Janis: sounds good to me

Janis: can make you fry-ups every day to help you on your way

Casey: alright, that’s love, forget owt else

Janis: can die happy

Casey: and you, rid of us

Janis: no, shut up

Casey: I weren’t who you signed up for, only on this play pretend marriage certificate anyway

Janis: I never had to have anything to do with you, if I didn’t want

Janis: you know he wouldn’t have made me

Casey: not like he’s chatting to one of your brothers or sisters right now as if he’s a paid don’t jump phone line, nah, but

Janis: so don’t act like you don’t know

Casey: sometimes I feel like I’ve locked you in and kept the key away from you, however much bollocks you’re gonna say you reckon it is

Janis: I chose you too, not ‘cos it’d impress him or so I felt like a top person or any possible shit you could think of to explain it

Janis: and I feel like you’d probably be better off if I hadn’t, had just left you alone

Janis: it’s too late to see if that’s true or not though

Casey: I’d be in prison if you hadn’t, still counting to 10 to see if it’ll stop me kicking someone’s head in, it’s all anyone else has ever given and then left me alone with

Janis: you were more like me than any of my family, anyone I’d met before

Janis: it was terrifying and exciting at the same time

Casey: yeah, I know

Casey: but it ain’t alright how much I put on you ‘cause of that, asking you to sort my head out

Janis: I’d rather you ask and we give it a go than the alternative though so

Janis: is what it is, no cunt said life was fair

Casey: I hate being like Jim for it, that’s the worst one

Janis: like I didn’t ask him to fix my whole life and it didn’t even properly work, I don’t think

Janis: I don’t even know, anymore

Casey: least he’s got the maybe, I only fuck your life up

Janis: maybe none of us have got anything to fuck up, s’the problem

Janis: but that’s not how I feel about you, anyway

Casey: not a challenge I’m after accepting, I already know how piss easy I could ruin everything I love about you and change the whole person you are

Janis: I missed you

Janis: I really thought that’s what you wanted

Casey: I wanted to make things okay for you, I thought by trying hard enough it’d be 

Janis: it’s just impossible

Janis: I hate knowing what you’re doing but I hate not knowing more

Casey: I won’t do nothing except go to work and make fucking delicious drinks and come back and tell you about them

Janis: can we be mates again

Casey: we can’t ever stop being mates

Janis: no we can’t

Casey: you’re the only one I give a fuck about now Twix ain’t here

Janis: It’d be a fair 🥈 I’d take it

Casey: bit rude to chat shit about the dead, but it’s obvious she’s 🥈

Janis: I won’t gloat, out of respect, like

Janis: we could stay away, for a bit, if you wanted

Casey: yeah, and get a new dog once we’re back

Janis: let you have a say this time, no offence Twix

Casey: full offense Ian, the massive bellend

Janis: has been weird, not having one in the house, excuse to fuck off out for a bit

Casey: it’s a 🏆 quality idea but you’ll stay 🥇 I’m sure

Janis: if I’m gonna be jealous of a dog I’ll have to off myself, honestly

Casey: I ain’t letting you, I’ll just have to keep on loving you more

Janis: Good, I can keep loving you too

Casey: I’ve missed you too

Casey: so fucking much

Janis: I nearly broke 

Casey: when

Janis: so many fucking times, it was ridiculous

Janis: I tried not to be at home, or awake, the times you would be, to stop myself seeing you and talking to you

 Casey: you have no clue how chuffed I am it weren’t only me, bit rude to want you headfucked but

Janis: If we were headfucked alone

Janis: good thing my head is massive ‘cos some part of me still didn’t believe it, that you wanted nothing to do with me now

 Casey: we’re too good mates, you know what I’m like, and what I want before I even want it loads of the time

Janis: I know you, you know me

 Casey: Where we going, for a bit

Janis: wherever we want, I was just going to drive

Janis: can’t exactly leave Ireland but beyond that 

Casey: [looking up different peeps and places who have puppies available like a nerd and sending her the deets like let’s go play with puppies actually]

Janis: 😁

Casey: final say’s yours

Janis: goes without saying but it’s proper sweet you did, boy

Casey: sweeter when you’re doing that face at me for real

Janis: yeah?

Casey: ‘course, best smile in all of Dublin and wherever else we’re off, you

Janis: I wanna see yours again

Janis: even if you only manage 🙃

Casey: goes without saying I reckon I can do without being Spiderman about it

Janis: if I have to tip you on your head, I’m not above it

Casey: you’re gonna have to try to now

Janis: won’t drive us into a ditch to achieve it

Janis: have some restraint 🤞

Casey: I’ll drive us, you’ve gotta have a look at the rest of these dog pics I’ve saved

Janis: alright, good distraction tactic

Casey: there’s some really good dogs an’ all, I’ll not lie

Janis: I’d have to draw the line at you lying about such an important topic, boy

Casey: good job I ain’t then, can’t have you start drawing and being even more like that dickhead

Janis: how about you don’t mention him unless you’ve got an idea what I can tell him, yeah

Casey: How about the truth, sod all to go wrong there, not like I could be about to go prison or anything

Janis: yeah, I should warn them

Janis: so they don’t think the garda asking where you are is a whole kidnap murder thing

Casey: there you go, he’ll be chuffed to bits I’m finally going anyway

Janis: he won’t though

Casey: he weren’t ever gonna grow enough of a pair to chuck me out with nowhere else to live, but I’ll have a guaranteed roof over my head and he’ll save loads on bills

Janis: he wouldn’t do that ‘cos he gives a shit, you know that really

Casey: gets off on punishing himself, more like, getting to be the twat who really tried but failed

Janis: too soon to be making the comparisons again, alright

Casey: it ain’t the same, he makes my fuck ups his own, yours too and will our kid’s if he ever bothers to do owt, it’s nothing to do with us and everything to do with him

Casey: you proper wanna help when I fuck up, and I’ll take the punishment I’m owed for it, there’s no comparison

Janis: I think sometimes I just got added to his to-do list

Janis: it weren’t supposed to be like that

Casey: he dunno how to make nobody feel no different, put upon missus before you said your vows and battered wife without you having to throw a punch

Janis: let’s not

Casey: it ain’t your fault he don’t want no help

Janis: so much of it is my fault

Janis: but this isn’t about that, not right now

Casey: alright, I’ll leave it out and just drive for a bit

Janis: if we’re doing one, we may as well ignore it all for as long as we are, yeah

Casey: I’d 👍 but it’s too close for comfort far as no comparisons goes

Janis: so is your entire face but that’s pretty unavoidable

Janis: ‘less you got a paper bag handy

Casey: oi, I manage not to think of your fit nan at least half the time I look at you

Janis: okay fairplay 😏

Casey: 😏

Janis: I suppose I’ll have to look at you 🤏

Casey: you’re alright, challenge accepted to drive with a bag on my head, have done with more distracting shit than that going on

Janis: mhmm 

Casey: trying to get us to compare you with Gracie there or what

Janis: literally never, tah

Casey: it’d have to be a plastic bag depriving my brain of oxygen, and still, probably not all that likely

Janis: you like making things awkward, I remember, dickhead

Casey: if I were I’d have said something about how she makes herself look white enough for me to give it a go and she’d turn herself blonde if I asked her to

Janis: that’s not anything to brag about, she’s doing that if she gets a text back in under 2 days

Casey: not doing it for bragging rights, am I

Janis: not at all, even hypothetically

Casey: see if lasses are gonna end up being a garda enforced nah or my own top decision making

Janis: always some guard bird who fancies it

Casey: that your final answer, ‘cause yeah, as top advice but I don’t reckon you actually mean it

Janis: obviously not

Janis: it’s school shrink on steroids

Janis: no sisters, no letchy old women, no nans… who else

Casey: go on, who else

Janis: no exes

Casey: piss easy, only got the 1

Janis: you’re welcome for the lack of challenge

Casey: and she’ll be in [uni town], not gonna drive there

Janis: why would you

Casey: I’m sorry, you know that, yeah

Janis: yeah, but you know that don’t mean you can go tell her and make up, right

Janis: that one is serious, and for your own good

Casey: nah, I mean I’m sorry to you, for making it all worse instead of better

Janis: me too

Casey: I’m so sorry I let you down

Janis: Shh shh

Janis: none of that was what I wanted, or you, so let’s write all of it off as the bad idea it was and try again

Casey: just promise you won’t look at me like that when we both get halfway

Janis: I promise

Janis: all I’m going to do is make sure you’re alright

Casey: I can hack it from anyone else

Janis: I’m not scared of you, and I don’t think you’re a bad person

Casey: I am, but you don’t ever need to be scared of me

Janis: you’re fucked up, not evil

Janis: and I’m not going to make shit worse, or leave you to it on your own, not again

Casey: Why does he get to stop, live happily ever after with his new missus and her lasses he never touches

Janis: he’s not angry he’s miserable 

Janis: and you’ve got potential worth wanting to be better

Janis: he gave up a long time ago

Casey: I’m miserable an’ all

Janis: Oh Casey

Janis: not in your bones, not yet

Casey: I have no fucking idea how my mum would feel about what I done, not anymore

Casey: she’s barely a real person now, is she

Janis: they have to talk about her more, with you

Janis: well, Jim, Bobby knows even less

Janis: it isn’t fair 

Casey: he’d have sod all nice to say

Janis: at least you were both there

Janis: she’d feel more real still, even if you disagree

Casey: I was, he’s less of person than her, has been for ages longer

Janis: neither of you can go on like this

Casey: I know

Janis: I can’t fix it

Janis: it has to be you lot

Casey: let’s just keep them where they are for now, back there

Janis: we can do that

Casey: tah

Janis: are we leaving my car or what’s the plan

Casey: one of, depends who’s got more petrol in theirs

Janis: be me, seeing as I’m so sensible and boring 

Casey: you ain’t insisted I’ve gotta drive mine back home before we both piss off in yours, can’t be that sensible or boring, like

Janis: bit late to make this a master plan

Janis: doing what we have to, doesn’t include a note and keys on the table, clearly

Casey: I will if you want me to, once I’ve seen you

Janis: I don’t know what the fuck I would write

Janis: like you said, got to be the truth, but that’ll be easier on the phone, I think

Janis: I just needed to get you away and keep you safe

Casey: he can’t fault you for it, all he reckons he’s bothered about

Janis: I don’t care 

Janis: I know it’s what I have to do, want to

Janis: we’re not saying if the police come back, we won’t, like

Casey: I should’ve pissed off from hers sooner, not put you in this position in the first place

Janis: you were still trying

Janis: shit idea it might’ve been but you were until she dropped that on you

Casey: I don’t even know how bad she’s hurt, not really

Janis: I know

Janis: there’s no way to find out without the police coming to tell you though, really

Janis: it isn’t as if I could phone her parents up or some shit

Casey: it’s too mixed up in my head, what I did and what I’m remembering seeing him do, I can’t make proper sense of it

Janis: a real headfucker

Casey: exactly

Janis: maybe for now, you’ve got to do what you can to not think about it

Janis: clear your head so you can piece it back together after

Janis: maybe I’m a cunt for reckoning that but idk

Casey: I reckoned it first by coming to you, if anyone’s the cunt here, safest to go with it being me

Janis: I’m glad you did

Janis: you always can

Casey: I wish I had done before, when me and her got to know each other and I knew it’d kick off

Janis: we know why you didn’t

Janis: you were trying to be proper selfless and I would’ve made it about fucking me, like an idiot

Casey: I’d rather that row with you than waiting for this one with her how I did like a twat expecting a bus

Janis: we’re like

Janis: it’s like sparring, someone in your weight class, all the gear on, helping each other get better at it all

Janis: it’s never like a fight with anyone else, where I go too far and immediately feel them get further away 

Casey: there isn’t a too far with me, I’ll never turn my back on you however much of a massive bitch you wanna behave like, you have to get it out somewhere, some dickhead has to let you without then making you feel shit for it

Janis: I need you

Casey: we know what we really mean and what’s bollocks, I ain’t scared of you neither

Janis: It’s always so obvious to me, when you’re trying to hurt me and when you’re actually trying to say something real

Janis: It never made sense to me, why people won’t tell the difference

Casey: I don’t care if they don’t, you can

Janis: always

Casey: I love you, I don’t need theirs when it’s not even as good

Janis: I’ve let you down before, but I wanna try and love you better

Casey: I’ll try not to keep blocking you every time you give it your best shot

Janis: stuck with me at this point, ain’t you

Casey: I’ve felt stuck before, but it don’t feel that way right now

Janis: agreed

Casey: we can do this

Janis: we have to, what else can we, I’m not going to stop, you’re important to me

Casey: if there’s owt else it’s drive faster

Janis: I will if you promise you’re gonna let me hug you

Casey: when don’t I 

Janis: I don’t mean a one-arm job, proper serious, the works

Casey: you can seriously touch us however you want, how’s that

Janis: far as answers go

Casey: I ain’t hurt, I’d have felt it by now

Janis: I’ll give you a proper look-over but I didn’t really think you would be

Casey: Gutted your sister can’t take the car 

Janis: I know, she has her own though, s’mad

Janis: mum will, if I ask, I don’t feel like driving in the direction of home right now, that’s all

Casey: I get it, last place I fancy going back towards myself

Janis: should’ve told you to run

Casey: you wouldn’t be after no proper hug if I had done, that’s why not

Janis: 😆 give a fuck

Janis: s’weird when lads smell all flowery, never done a day of work in their life obvs

Casey: steady on, can’t be going about telling everyone you hate gays

Janis: UGH

Janis: whatever happened to the good old days

Casey: ask Ian, he’ll tell you right where it all went wrong

Janis: ‘course, knows it all, him

Janis: but nobody ever listens 💔

Casey: 💔 I listened to you and never went to his, proper laugh a minute every single time

Janis: be pure buzzing to go get you

Janis: you won’t be gutted for long though, he weren’t gonna get you another dog

Casey: have to remember when it’s my birthday first, wouldn’t he

Janis: mm, and god knows his schedules too packed for that 😑

Casey: only end up with flowery perfume meant for one of her kids anyway and it’d be you gutted

Janis: don’t bear thinking about, mate

Casey: too right, what’s next I grow my hair like a lass’, fuck that even if we’re off on the run

Janis: and I’m too pretty to be a lad so, right back to the dyke rumours there

Casey: I might look a bit like your sister, but still

Janis: you’d be a rough girl, soz

Casey: what you sorry for, that’s a compliment

Casey: no lad who isn’t already bent wants to hear he’d be a fit lass

Janis: didn’t have time to bring costumes, you’re safe

Casey: if there are any lass’ clothes in this car I’m not gonna tell you to put them on

Janis: good thinking

Casey: good job we’re taking yours

Janis: I don’t even wanna ask

Casey: I wouldn’t, mate

Janis: I won’t

Janis: and I wouldn’t wear nothing that could’ve possibly been left in your car, that’s for certain

Casey: you heard, I’d not ask, there’s nowt wrong with your own clothes

Janis: main + I know where they’ve been, like

Casey: thing of the past, that

Janis: fucking in cars?

Janis: mr next door would be way too happy if I still did

Casey: dickhead move of you to deprive him, what else has he got

Janis: mrs next door on the phone to the council every time someone parks in her spot, like

Janis: poor bastard

Casey: Should go leave the car there

Janis: that would make it worth going back there, can’t lie

Casey: sorted then

Casey: anything for your 😁

Janis: don’t go away again

Casey: what, you reckon I’m gonna take the car and leg it instead of parking up next door

Janis: you know how I mean it, boy

Janis: missing you is fucking miserable

Casey: you

Janis: don’t

Casey: don’t leave me

Janis: I won’t leave you

Casey: even if you can only see us inside at visiting and it is fucking miserable, don’t, alright

Janis: Never

Janis: to the point it’ll drive you fucking mad when you wish I would when you’re not miserable and wanna get on

Casey: it’ll send you mad first, I can’t get on without you

Janis: it’s mutual, you have to know that

Casey: as much as I ever feel like I know owt, yeah, I do

Janis: yeah

Janis: it’s enough

Casey: needs to be enough to make you 😁 too, I ain’t waiting til we’re doing her next door’s head in

Janis: try not to have no weird emotional outburst then 🤞

Janis: we are gonna have to stop the cars halfway, I ain’t just following you back without seeing you, regardless of how I act

Casey: love a challenge, you

Casey: and you heard me, I’m not bothered how you act, I ain’t either of them, you can behave how you’ve gotta, not how they need

Janis: be here

Janis: please

Casey: I nearly am, it’s okay

Janis: I’m stopping, come find me, yeah

Casey: one sec, girl

Casey: [and do show up after however long cos you wouldn’t have lied about how close you were just to make her feel better]

Janis: [not even waiting for him to be fully parked up to jump off the bonnet of our car and head towards the driver’s side of his because we are hugging you so dramatically the second we can]

Casey: [it’s fine, he will leave this car running and open to hug her back as dramatically, no fuck’s are given]

Janis: [going between are you okay and you’re okay as frantically because both and we can’t differentiate when we’re relying on you to keep us upright because of how hard we’re putting our whole self into this embrace rn]

Casey: [get you a man who can always keep you upright even when he’s feeling all the emotions and frankly shouldn’t even be able to stand himself, could not be holding her tighter atm, she’s going nowhere]

Janis: [eventually giving enough distance between your upper bodies to be able to look at him and give him the smile he wants even though we all know you are THAT close to tears with it too ‘It’s you’]

Casey: [soz not soz that I’ve gotta do his wiping away tears even though she’s not thing he always does in the future for potentially the first time ever and it’s gonna hit different because she almost is ‘It’s okay’ again because emphasis and feels ‘I’m here’]

Janis: [duck your head a little and do a mini laugh as you pull his hand away and keep hold of it because you know that could tip you into full crying so you’re like hey, touch his face in the same place though and look back up ‘come here’ as if you can get any closer than you are and make an attempt to]

Casey: [‘you come here’ and pulling her closer somehow because he is that bitch and the whole point is no, cry if you need to, he’s not Jimothy so you don’t have to worry he’ll cry and you then have to do the comforting]

Janis: [making some attempts at moving but you don’t really know where to go because you’re overwhelmed ‘car’ like you move us because I am unable to but also I don’t wanna be crying on the side of the road when we can have the privacy of the car, despite the fact no one is passing we still feel exposed here]

Casey: [when he just fully carries her, again blatantly for the first time ever]

Janis: [when you’re gonna have to just do loads of quick kisses on his face because you can’t not but it’s as close to composure as you can maintain soz about it]

Casey: [lads we’re not holding you to anything you do right here right now, it’s the same rules as being drunk, you’re both hardcore overwhelmed, putting her in this car more tenderly than he’s ever done anything]

Janis: [as gently pulling you into this car as if you were just going to stand outside awkwardly without our assistance ‘I missed you every day’]

Casey: [‘that’s over now’ cos he thinks it is, does not know about the baby Jac storm coming, just rubbing her back, again as if she’s fully sobbing even though she isn’t]

Janis: [a noise of frustration because your instinct is to hold back your tears and it hurts ‘you’re gonna make me’ pouting at him, stroking his own lips]

Casey: [‘yeah’ soft but insistent like too right I am honey because we know it hurts and you need to ‘do it, there’s only us about’ obvs stroking her hair now as well just because but haven’t stopped rubbing her back with the other]

Janis: [biting our lip and grabbing his legs to steady ourself when the tears start falling fast and hard ‘fuck, Case’]

Casey: [even less than 0 fucks given that he would just pull her into him and hold her like she’s a tiny Clove because she’s crying, letting her face be against his chest]

Janis: [just having a proper sob and making the most indecent noises about it because the relief cannot be overstated ‘I hear your heart’ and tapping out the rhythm on his arm]

Casey: [letting her and doing nothing but holding her through it because nobody ever allows her to properly sob, including herself ‘it’s slowed down’ don’t need to elaborate that it’s because y’all are together, that’s a given]

Janis: [letting us listen to it calm us down once we reach our crying peak, slowing our own breathing back down as well as our heartbeat, doing a big shaky breath ‘I love you’]

Casey: [likewise letting her, only cleaning her up when she’s said ILY because that’s an I love you too and we know he would, he doesn’t care about way more gross things than blood or snot and his t-shirt or whatever he’s wearing rn would be covered in it already because of how her face was]

Janis: [cupping his face after he’s cleaned ours, scanning it with our eyes how we do ‘how are you?’]

Casey: [‘I don’t know’ because true, he’s gone from having the worst day to being with her and having this moment as well as the chat they had before it which has turned it into a much better day ‘you?’]

Janis: [the ‘that’s okay’ coming so naturally because it is and beyond understandable for both of us but you especially boy, doing a little laugh like is it not obvious ‘you made it better’]

Casey: [when you gotta smile because okay everything is shit but she’s said he made something better which is all he ever wants]

Janis: [tracing said smile over and over so it tickles, then pulling his head to your shoulder and stroking the back of his head ‘I’m sorry’ soothingly like I know how fucked of a day you have had]

Casey: [‘Don’t worry, you look right fit, still’ as if that’s why she’s sorry and that’s why she doesn’t cry because she’s the kind of girl who thinks she’s an ugly crier, cos if he doesn’t turn it into bants he’ll simply die at the almost maternal level of comfort that was and that he’s never been given]

Janis: [‘thank fuck, I can do it more often’ with the same bants energy despite not having let you go from our hold, because we know that was something else for you girl]

Casey: [‘you’ll know where I am’ cos not leaving you as we said earlier so any time you wanna sob lol]

Janis: [squeezing you tighter ‘where I am’ said in the jokey tone of never letting you any further than this from me]

Casey: [a nod that’s like yeah 10000% serious but could be a bants get off style gesture also with how y’all are positioned]

Janis: [however we’re making it sound we ain’t going, baby and you know it ‘can go to sleep’]

Casey: [‘might get arrested’ for the pure bants lol lol]

Janis: [giving his hair a little pull but in a comforting pressure sort of way like hey, I’m here ‘and the beds are very uncomfortable, apparently, so use me as a pillow whilst you still can’]

Casey: [the way this boy can’t resist a hot move, shamelessly just pushing her down so they are lying more like that isn’t dangerous]

Janis: [‘get comfortable’ like we aren’t 😳]

Casey: [is and that’s via titty time like I always do, not soz about it]

Janis: [giving you a forehead kiss before settling down fully ‘good’]

Casey: [it’s the pretending the sound he made is only a settling down sleepy vibes happy sigh when it clearly isn’t for me]

Janis: [we all know the energy is this car is intense right now ‘can you hear my heart?’ like it’ll help you like it did me]

Casey: [‘it’s faster than mine was’ not him knowing exactly why that is though because his is beating harder now for the same reason]

Janis: [‘i’m sorry’ when the baby is on the tip of your tongue because that’s the exact tone we’re using]

Casey: [‘are you?’ as if it’s a purely saucy oh I don’t think you’re sorry at all kind of tone and vibe but underneath that we’re always gonna be a bit genuinely scared that you are regretting all of this during this era]

Janis: [shaking our head as smally as we can, so you may feel it, may not because no, we aren’t ‘we’ll both feel better soon’]

Casey: [deliberately vigorously nodding so she can feel it like a nerd as if that’s not dangerously close to motorboating territory in this position haha]

Janis: [‘you’re silly’ like the 😍 isn’t in our amused tone]

Casey: [‘go to sleep’ while he messes around deliberately taking ages to get comfy again, again we see what you’re doing with all that moving sir, as if she’s the one messing about and he’s so annoyed about it]

Janis: [pretending the lil gasp we do is an omg cheek one ‘fussy’ and hooking one of your legs over one of his like you stop moving sir but we’re just pushing against you]

Casey: [‘sorry’ with the same energy she said it not long ago and more because too into it]

Janis: [positioning ourselves between your legs in a half spoon half titty time energy to do the most ‘that’s better, isn’t it’]

Casey: [‘the best, ‘cause that’s the kind of mate you are’ his voice indecent rn cos he’s trying not to moan]

Janis: [‘all I want is to make you happy’ you know we sound the same, making the tiniest movements like this is all so tenuous and we refuse to let it get fucked up]

Casey: [‘it’s mutual’ moving too for emphasis he absolutely does not need to provide]

Janis: [‘you’re the best friend I’ve ever had’ making sure our movement is meeting his instead of matching it for ultimate frustration]

Casey: [‘you’ because it’s the only acceptable response always but also thankfully short cos we all know he can barely say it and have it sound anything like a word]

Janis: [just carry on doing what you’re doing here, humming like you’re getting him to sleep but you’re just doing anything to fully not moan with no pretense]

Casey: [likewise acting like we’re out here stroking her hair in a shh go to sleep manner but we’re actually pulling it because DYING]

Janis: [‘get it all out’ with the energy of his do it, like do what you have to right now]

Casey: [when that’s all you need to hear to just go all in with this so manoeuvring this gal so he can kiss her REALLY hard cos we’re going there this time huns]

Janis: [there is not but a second of hesitation here lads because we knew it could lead here and thus we were ready and willing because you have to be when you’re playing with fire like this and we’ve not lied about a single thing we have said here or ever, this moment is only so overwhelming because of all the things we do feel for you, still, the shock that something this concrete and real is happening would send us in the best way, kissing you like we have wanted to for so long and never have until now]

Casey: [hard same, there’s clearly no hesitation on his part either because y’all don’t use protection and he’s usually paranoid AF about that, literally all the proof we need that we’re as overwhelmed and shocked and in love, at least you can and will moan as much as you want during this makeout instead of trying to do everything you can not to]

Janis: [just out here doing the most to make that happen like it’s magical and we need to]

Casey: [doing the most in every way rn because there’s no pretense anymore that he’s not just actually dry humping the hell out of you during this v intense and neverending makeout sesh, at least until he isn’t gonna be and y’all are blatantly just gonna be hooking up, but for now anyway lol]

Janis: [never been more thrilled your mother lives in the middle of nowhere because there is no stopping this and we’re not getting arrested for this after all our genuinely thinking that’s where he’s going when we eventually do get caught]

Casey: [god imagine, especially because you actually aren’t getting arrested for whatever reason, that gal must’ve talked her parents down from calling the police, don’t literally need a police car cockblock rn when we’ve decided we’re doing this]

Janis: [not saying we’re giving you a goodbye here ‘cos you know damn well we’d visit, even though I bet you wouldn’t get time anyway, but we’re giving this all the energy it deserves]

Casey: [likewise not saying that’s the reason y’all are doing it because we know damn well it isn’t and that it would’ve been this intense regardless cos of how long you’ve both wanted to, but we’re all well aware what he’s like with goodbyes, so yeah, 1000% also giving it all his energy]

Janis: [hence I’m gonna say we’re the one that’s taking down whatever we’ve got on our bottom half right now, like you don’t have to stop at this point, or any point, I know what you wanna do and I wanna do it too]

Casey: [I actually love that for y’all and this moment so much, and again, that’s what he needs to be told to go all in with no hesitation at all so he will, god bless the middle of nowhere, truly, the literal only time he’s gonna have stopped kissing her for a single second is that second when he enters her so they can get the full sound effects of each other’s reaction not at all muffled]

Janis: [and what a reaction it is gonna be, when you need to STARE into his eyes but also yours are trying to roll to the back of your head casually, malfunctioning because you simultaneously have been waiting for this forever but also never thought it would happen for yous ‘fuck!’ with all the feeling in the world, casually so loud in this car but you’re breathing so hard and your heart is thudding out so it doesn’t even feel it]

Casey: [when you take what she said as an instruction and are REALLY going for it just immediately because we’re with you on all of it gal, he’s wanted this for a decade and never thought it would ever actually happen, as well as the fact as we know he’s yet to have unprotected sex before so there’s that heightening everything that would already feel incredible because it’s her and it is finally and genuinely happening, not just him using another girl and thinking about Janis or dreaming this is occurring, which I’m sure you both have, many times by this point, saying her name as loud and with all the feeling for all those reasons when he can get it out with all his extra moaning and breathing]

Janis: [saying your name on every thrust as if it’s all that’s inside us and is being forced out and finally expressed, moving your position now there’s no pretense that you’re keeping any kind of distance so you could not be closer and deeper, pressing your forehead against his]

Casey: [the forehead thing is a signature them move and has gotta be done always, obvs he’s saying ILY before kissing her so intensely again because gotta make sure that cannot be deeper either ofc]

Janis: [just hold onto the handles in this car so you’re pressed up against the window and there’s literal resistance pushing you back into him as hard because the energy is we cannot get enough or be any distance from you right now, opening your eyes when he says ILY despite the fact you’re now making out and that’s somewhat intense because it is and we are so we don’t care]

Casey: [y’all have always been feral and we’ve always loved it about you, me here like what could you do boy to keep up the intense vibes haha]

Janis: [my boo says what’s slightly unhinged, we all know your vibes]

Casey: [trying to remember what you’ve done in what we’ve written before that I can shamelessly steal for now but idk why I can’t remember literally anything that’s ever happened appaz]

Janis: [my boo will have to do a cheeky reread] 

Casey: [Winnie says I have to do a throat thing so she in turn can do the biting his adam’s apple thing because he says that was iconic and a fave, so probably holding her by the throat to try and bring her impossibly closer energy, whether he was intending to do a hair pull to do it and that happened instead or it was deliberate from the off, who can say, but regardless, yeah, that and probably also the breathing into each other’s mouths thing y’all love while we’re at it]

Janis: [well done ideas bear, that is exactly the mood, being so insanely into it you’re close to/straight up injuring each other with it because lord knows if you aren’t getting every frustration out you aren’t doing it right and you just aren’t JC]

Casey: [thank god that happened at the hospital when it happened in the au so I didn’t have to skim read literally every bracket we’ve done looking for saucy antics when I know damn well loads of it is bump or breast milk based and thus not for rn, cos yeah, the exact mood, nobody can blame y’all for doing too much all things considered]

Janis: [soz your pregnancy fetish cannot be unleashed right now but just y’all wait honeys lmao, big storm coming]

Casey: [can steal so much stuff then cos I’m still skim reading stuff and it’s blatant how hardcore y’all are into that kink cos it’s all there is lol, how soon is she gonna tell Jimothy about this affair? Like can I bring blatant lovebites into this asap or do I need to bring back the sneaky hip ones first for the secrecy?]

Janis: [my boo says we get it lmao, well done for not having a million kids just ‘cos guys, honestly; as for right now, you can say you’re feral enough it happens because I’d believe it and if that is the case, you’ll just have to won’t you, the fact you run away basically is enough so yeah, whatever happens you’re likely gonna tell him or what do you think you’re doing]

Casey: [can’t just stay away until the bruises fade lads, gotta take sweet Chubby home, at least you can go feral then, starting with a throat one obvs or who is he, but they’ll blatantly then be all over her neck and collarbones too, just everywhere once he starts]

Janis: [exactly, and we’ve fully done it now and we’re just a rip the plaster off type bitch as we all know, so I see no chance of you being like okay anyway love you Jimothy let’s do this baby thing no notes, we could not; even if we are absolutely losing it in the good way over you marking us that hard right now, lowkey playing simon says and copying him on his own skin because can’t not be playful and competitive, thinking up different spots you can reach before he does]

Casey: [that’s what I thought, knowing her as I do, but I thought I’d better check before I was all LOVEBITES, LOVEBITES EVERYWHERE, it do really make me cackle though cos during my skim read so much of it that wasn’t their baby kink was him trying not to leave marks and having to be creative with it and we really said NOPE not this time, y’all love being competitive and copying each other so much though so it’s a big yep, as is some of the positions you’re getting in to do some of them, I’m sure]

Janis: [car sex is already notorious for being ridiculous because of the ways you have to bend your body and lowkey just deal with being uncomfortable but never have two people cared less, just adding to the urgency that we are not remotely trying to get off the side of this road or to anywhere more comfortable, nope, this all needs to happen here and now]

Casey: [it’s too legit and I have no regrets remotely, just like you pair]

Janis: [unrepentant entirely in this moment and I can’t judge y’all, like to think y’all accidentally push/pull the chair so it suddenly reclines all the way down and you lowkey fall, fully laughing/moaning into your mouth rn boy because the way we fell onto you was it tbh]

Casey: [well done boo, that perfectly fits the vibe and now this seat has reclined y’all get to be even more feral than you were, so you’re welcome, sucking and biting her tongue and lips ridiculously because so into the laugh/moan into his mouth there]

Janis: [got more room to sit up fully, pushing him down so he’s laying fully and can look at you properly, if you’ve got your top/bra/both still on, taking them off, lucky for you I’m saying the police do not come by, miss ‘you’ with EYE CONTACT because we have to say it exactly how he did earlier]

Casey: [never gonna say no to even more skin he can do the most with touching, kissing and biting, so fuck the police, he’s doing exactly that and there’s no stopping him ‘you’re so fucking-’ you’re jeans, but like honestly cannot be overstated the effort to even speak at all when he’s going this hard with all that exposed skin, nevermind the trusting and the EYE CONTACT and the like]

Janis: [‘Casey, I love you’ with the urgency and fervor like you haven’t been saying his name and ILY with reckless abandon whenever you could and had to, like you simply must know NOW]

Casey: [saying ILY back + whatever he accidentally called her during the blanket snatching playfight, so deliberately, because she simply MUST know he meant it then and he means it now]

Janis: [going in with how we’ve entirely taken control of the movement right now, alternating between being painfully slow, working round one way, then back, to going so hard that you’re both gonna be bruised and the slapping sound would only be broken up by the noises we’re making because 1. The reminder killed us but 2. It reminded us of this girl and we’re furious about the whole situation and we must without a shadow of a doubt show we’re so much better thank you]

Casey: [the sounds this boy would also be making you ain’t never heard the like of and he’s made sure you’ve overheard some shit in the last decade, be scaring the cows and whatever else is out in the middle of nowhere]

Janis: [like it’s not an insecurity thing, it’s a jealousy, yes, but most importantly and mainly a for your own good boy, don’t ever think about that bitch again thing; ‘cos we been knew it’s mutual how unlike anything else you’ve had before this is and that we’re both living and dying in this moment together]

Casey: [that’s the tea and hence I’m not having him say anything about how much more he wants her or whatever even though he knows you probably did think of this gal and what you’re doing cos we know too it’s not coming from an insecure place and it’s blatant that this is unreal and also that even if it wasn’t happening rn Janis is always gonna be who he wants]

Janis: [simply could never be us, unless you actually genuinely ended up feeling more in love with and or attracted to anyone, which we know hadn’t happened with this girl, we’re not jealous of these girls for who they are, purely ‘cos they got to be with you like this and we could not and that’s on that; anyway, using your own throat hold moment for the first time to pull him closer to you again so you can kiss because it’s been what, 5 minutes, and we can’t have that]

Casey: [no other basic bitch could ever use his fave move back on him like that is why y’all are fated and they’re nothing to him sis, could not be fucking her any harder in response without actually causing you an injury and it’s truly a miracle she has any hair left on her head the way he’s pulling it as he kisses her back despite the fact you can get literally no closer]

Janis: [still holding you by the throat as we are kissing, feeling all the noises that we’re muffling, only breaking apart when we’re cumming so you get to hear every noise that comes with it, holding onto him like you might actually pass away if you don’t keep this tight a grip]

Casey: [soz but you have to also hold her throat for a bit until you wanna hear that for the mirroring and just because it’s iconic and sir you gotta also cum because she does and the effect it would then have on you, I don’t make the rules]

Janis: [the way you’re putting your other hand on top of his to make him press harder, actually going to pass out]

Casey: [you can do it gal, like the crying you’re safe with him]

Janis: [it’s not like you’d be out for long but enough that your 😍 are even realer when you do at least recover from that small fraction of what y’all just did and experienced]

Casey: [there truly isn’t enough recovery time in the world for all that, but while you’re also giving heart eyes just so gently stroking her throat like gotta comfort you now]

Janis: [aftercare is equally as important to y’all, we know you’re both exhausted in every sense now too, so the sleepy heart eyes are MELTING us, lightly pressing on different lovebites, giving the ones in easy reach currently little kisses]

Casey: [likewise, the softest kisses anywhere we can see a mark has been left because it’s so important to him that he only ever hurts you in a way you’ll like, but special attention to that first ever throat love bite, of course, not as little as the other kisses, lingering for longer but obvs still as gentle]

Janis: [doing the smallest but most pure happy sigh because our voice is lowkey recovering too right now but we can’t let that go without reaction literally, really gently rolling back over so you’re laid down too and we can do titty time for you again sir, how we started]

Casey: [before she lays down and they get comfy back how they started, oh so gently cupping her face and scanning her with his heart eyes exactly the way she did earlier when he’d wiped her tears and snot and she asked how he was, cos clearly your voice is lowkey too gone to ask even for the bants, getting a happy sigh from him when you’re in your lying titty time position]

Janis: [you’d get the realest 😁 with 0 pretenses of just doing it because he’s looking like we actually cannot help it right here and now, stroking his hair again once we’re lying side by side]

Casey: [boy, I am gonna need to you kiss her hair/top of her head the way you always do, soz but it’s just necessary]

Janis: [there’s no other logical next step, honestly, is a must ‘kiss it better’ when your voice is hoarse, but happy, like yeah, you were really pulling my hair but we’re in a blissed out bubble remembering this and it’s blatant]

Casey: [so many kisses happening when she says that as if he can kiss each individual hair better]

Janis: [we’re just giggling here but eventually smoothing our hair out of his way and pulling him back down so his face is level with ours again instead of all our hair and pointing at our swollen lips like kiss here please]

Casey: [do obvs and those kisses shall be as soft as the ones earlier were intense and deep]

Janis: [just enjoying this sweet af vibe, somehow almost dying as much from it though because it’s SO loving and intimate but we are trying not to get worked up again that quick so we don’t kill ourselves with it]

Casey: [yeah, like don’t get me wrong the urgency and passion and love of that hookup was undeniably iconic and I’ll never say it wasn’t EVERYTHING but this would be your true undoing, especially his because it is so intimate and loving and he’s never had that with anyone, defs not the random gals and not the gf on the scene for a hot sec, plus there would be very much be a part of him that would be expecting her to be like !! okay we couldn’t help that but it was a mistake and let’s now stop and that isn’t happening so truly dying]

Janis: [we know you were both a little scared the other one would be like lol sike, that was just me wanting to bang you and now I’m out, because how could you not be scared when you’re risking so much that it isn’t actually what you both want it to be and think it is, but thank god neither of you is that cunt so that is happening to neither of you because could not handle it thank you; just know we’re putting our ear to your chest again and listening to your heartbeat, which is probably still insane but slowing by the second and then we’re going to give you a lingering but very gentle kiss over said heart rn]

Casey: [just know if his shit father hadn’t made him incapable of crying he would be at that gesture, blinking so hard because his eyes are burning with how much he would if he could rn, doing a ‘I-’ how I always did in the OG because I can]

Janis: [doing his own tear-wiping gesture to him because we definitely know this about you, and have clearly not seen you cry this whole time ‘I know’ about everything you could ever say there, honestly, laying back down on his chest and looking up at him]

Casey: [when his chest would be hurting too from the not crying but having her there makes it better, I’m fine, not emosh as hell myself rn AT ALL, just trying to let her know that with his eyes cos can’t verbalise it rn]

Janis: [just nodding, and very soothingly rubbing his shoulders and the muscles on his chest, turning away ‘if I don’t look at you, can you?’ quietly and not with any sort of YOU MUST energy but genuine would that help or not vibes]

[statementlou]

Hits 96 (because Louis said he didn’t want to say what BTM was about): do you enjoy that as a songwriter kind of not giving it all away, letting people make their own interpretations?

Well its something I've learned along the way, cause on the first record I told everyone what absolutely everything was about and although, you know, that is nice for the fans to get to know more about me I suppose, in my opinion music is about the listener and how they interpret and what it means to them