#but i thrive on not looking at other people's interpretations and theories and coming up with them on my own terms

[apologydanceenthusiast]

Hello, sorry-- is this seat taken?

No?

Thank you.

*sits down and folds his hands mysteriously*

"Oh, I learned that the hard way." Aziraphale replies when Crowley asks him about his shitty french.

You know, the french he learned from a teacher who's name translates to Nightingale.

French, you know. Like the language of love.

He learned it the hard way and still to this day can't seem to find the right words for what he wants to say.

That's all, thank you.

*gets up and mysteriously disappears into the void*

[queenofapeacefuldawn]

SPY × Family: Chapter 93 analysis

this is my first time doing something like this, and I'm no expert so please take my analysis with a grain of salt! all of this is my own theories, so you might disagree with me. please don't be mean, though (also, long post incoming!)

SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 93 UNDER THE CUT

The chapter opens with the Eden kids getting the results of their marks, with Anya's...

overall rank shooting up, from 213th to 168th. Showing how she's slowly adjusting to the school and its pace of learning, despite being younger than everyone else (and, also, presumably doing extremely advanced things.... I remember seeing the pythagorean theorem on the board once in the anime)

Damian got highest in History (good job, buddy!), and Anya got second-highest in Classical Language (the one exam she genuinely studied hard for). But what I want to focus on is her expression:

Shock. She'd put up that front (that fake-face, if you will) in front of Becky, Damian, Emile and Ewen, pretending to be all cool and suave but when she sees her results, she's genuinely surprised to get good marks in Classical Language. And even her excited reaction. She was scared of disappointing Twilight (and maybe even Sigmund and Barbara) because she'd genuinely worked hard for this exam, tried to understand, and gave it her best attempt.

But, then, it all comes crashing down with her 24 points in math: but a win is a win!

Maybe this is Twilight's turning point in the fact that acquiring knowledge can be interesting, exciting, and not just a tool of survival? Twilight himself doesn't have a great relationship with studying, (see: his father scolding him as a child for not studying, later: his friends dying because he didn't know enough about the campaign they were going on... but Twilight's relationship with knowledge and its pursuit is a whole other post in itself).

Honestly, him realising that Anya is actually thriving in the setup where education is fun for her, opens up two new avenues:

Twilight himself trying to make learning fun for Anya (unlikely, he tried that before... it didn't work.)

Him leaning on Sigmund and Barbara to tutor Anya (this seems more likely- Endo is probably going to cement the Authens as recurring characters, so them being Anya's surrogate grandparents/neighbors/tutors would seem like a great way to do so!

And then...

My main focus is on the fact that he mumbles this (also his face. But that's irrelevant). Twilight may claim, "I don't understand children", but he's an extremely perceptive man. As much as I love to clown on him, he's highly skilled at picking up on cues of people's feelings. The few times he's failed are mostly due to Anya's shenanigans trying to hide her telepathy, mixed with his usual flavour of overthinking.

But the couple of things he knows about Anya are this:

She was probably raised in an environment where Classical Language was used.

She's not fond of talking about or remembering her past.

Which is why he didn't have the heart to fully sound out the question. In the case of Anya, this is an extremely delicate matter, and he doesn't want to upset her (or, in his words, "ruin Operation Strix.") The way he asked the question and it's portrayed made it feel like he'd been pondering on it for quite a while (which he has; since the beginning of the Cruise Arc), but more so usually. Most likely due to her high marks in the Classical Language tests (aka a dead language), and the fact that she got excellent marks in it, despite formally studying it for less than a year (at least, as far as he (and we) know.) He's been thinking of the possibility, and also thinking of a way to ask her. In the end, when he does ask her—

she lies.

and he lets her. (at least, that's my interpretation)

Obviously, he knows she's not ready to speak about it yet (though we know it's probably connected to her telepathy, so she's not ready to divulge that info).

Look, as much as I love talking about how clueless he is with his own feelings, in this scene, he was just... perceptive? I don't know if that's the right word. But he was trying to keep Anya happy, and bringing up this complex topic without ensuring proper care for her wouldn't be fair to her. And he knows that. So, he leaves it at, "Just forget about it, okay?"

This entire scene felt so... tense, and in itself felt like a fucking gut punch, so I don't know how I'll react to the reveal.)

And now, onto the main focus of the chapter:

him.

If I'm being honest, I thought Demetrius was, like, 16-19 (judging by his voice in the anime), and not... fucking twelve.

Honestly, that just makes his character all the more tragic: he's barely a teenager, and yet... he's going through this. From his awards ceremony, we can see that he got, what, 6 stellas? In addition to the eight he's gotten to be an Imperial Scholar, and if he performs this well in every exam... bro is literally hoarding the Stella supply of the school (sorry, bad joke).

But...

this panel comes up. It's definitely not Anya's telepathy malfunctioning, (heck, it works on Bond and even penguins). Honestly, I think, again, it could be one of two things:

He was experimented on, like Anya

He was trained, (most likely by Donovan), to keep his mind blank.

We're told that he and Donovan had an extremely close relationship:

This could be in support of both the theories: it could be Donovan checking up on his "experiment's" progress (a crude term to refer to him), or, it could have been him subconsciously training Demetrius to hide his thoughts, keep them safe. Anya's project is connected to Desmond's administration, and at the time she was "made", Demetrius would have been around 7 or 8. Old enough for him to figure out what he wanted to have been in life (ofc, that's different for everyone! It takes time, and 8 is an extremely young age to figure out what one wants to do). But, like, how Damian wants to be a politician, it's most likely that Demetrius, the prodigal, studious, first child, would have to follow the path of politics laid before him.

So it could have been Donovan teaching Demetrius to protect his sensitive thoughts from the "weapons" he himself was making: the test subject(s) of Anya's project (again, a crude term to refer to them). Donovan was putting a lot of faith into creating telepaths (most likely for covert work), and them having unwavering loyalty to his administration was not very likely.

And, even if Anya's project was the work of another administration or even country, there's no doubt that Donovan would want to keep his thoughts hidden from these kinds of spies: ones than can see into your very mind, especially if the world is at war: a physical battle or a war for information.

The first theory of Demetrius himself being a test subject is probably Not What Happened; so I think it's probably just Demetrius being trained to keep his thoughts hidden.

But then, we get some of his thoughts:

Which is a lot reminiscent of:

So, it's probable that Demetrius imbibed this from his dad.

It's honestly a bit scary to see how Donovan's "parenting" has affected him: for him, age 12, to be like this.

After this, the chapter ends lightheartedly: Anya trying to emulate Demetrius, and Loid Being Tired™️.

I'm mostly curious about Demetrius: I was so excited when he was finally revealed! But I hope we get to see more of his thoughts, soon. Especially more about his relationship with Damian. But, this chapter was fantastic!

(This was super fun to do- if i do posts like this for chapters as they come out, would you all like it? Again, I'm not an expert in psychology (or even analysis). It's just me and my silly lil thoughts. I hope you liked it!)

[shipthepuppy]

My current theory on the Dimension 20 Mentopolis season, post episode 4:

Spoilers under the cut!

So, we've now worked through 2 of the 4 responses. All that are left are Flight and Fawn.

How are they going to come into play saving Elias?

Let's consider Elias's situation.

He's fired the grappling hook (Fight)

Froze up so he could successfully kick through a window (Freeze)

And we know now that his next steps are getting the fuck out of there (Which, logically, would be Flight)

Therefore, we can all pretty reliably guess how Flight is going to come into play saving Elias: by getting him outta the damn building, duh!

Now, Fawn, on the other hand, is the one that isn't as clear. I have two theories, however!

The first, more fanfic-y trope theory:

The Barista That Smiled At Us.

Once he's out of the building (with further aid from Fight and Freeze), Elias needs to lay low quickly. Where can he go?

Maybe the coffee shop nearby he's gone to a million times? Where he knows there's a lovely Barista who's been kind to him and might hide him so he can escape?

And I can see Fawn helping in that situation!

Theory number two; the more likely option:

As they are escaping the building with Flight (Fight and Freeze assisting), Elias's boss confronts him before they can get out. And in that moment, Fawn could help Elias get in close, or buy a few moments for one of the other responses to make a move, and all of them work together to get Elias out.

And best part? It could be mirrored in the mind with the D.A./Scary Mind Key Guy in place of Elias's boss, which fits with the themes we've seen of the players echoing actions Elias takes, to show who he really is inside.

Bonus theory about the epilogue:

And then the epilogue is about Elias being a whistle-blower on Gobstopper Industries/The Military and maybe reconciling with his twin and finally having the courage to talk to The Barista That Smiled At Us.

And there will be echoes of that in his mind. Like The Fix reaching out to Pasha. Imelda and Anastasia reconciling as family and being closer. Whistle-blower Conrad and Hunch.

As for Mr. Fucks/Phucks/Fuxxx/etc. (Who I interpret as Elias's sense of pleasure in general, including libido, because he Fucks With Everything, not just sexual stuff. Tho it is mostly sexual stuff. Elias is really pent up, and, it turns out, potentially a passionate lover if given the chance.), Dan is just raking in the pleasure from all of this new-found joy in Elias's life. Sugah's is thriving. The people who have looked to him for hope that he's supported with a grin and a booming voice are able to enjoy life. And so is he.

And that's my Mentopolis theory!

I'm probably very, very wrong! :D

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello Steph!!

I just wanted to say how overwhelmingly happy I am that I've found someone who is still 'at it' after so long…

Ever since I was little, I wanted to study forensic science just like my mother was, I've since decided i'd like to study a double degree in criminology and criminal justice/psychological science.

i'm in year 12 now, and we are finishing up the last of our units before our external exams at the end of October. counting down the days has me looking back on my past and life in general while also looking ahead to a hopeful future of academia in honour of my mother... you could say i'm sentimental (hehe). sorry, i'm getting way off-topic. anyway, our last English unit is looking at representations of death. And by chance, my lovely english teacher introduced us to the wonderful world that is sherlock.

Honestly, sherlock and john - the whole universe, really - have saved my life. I had got myself in a really bad way and was struggling. The media, theories, and possible research from all of the renditions of sherlock, including the original text, gave me something to occupy my mind with. It ended up reigniting my love for learning and criminology/psychology.

Even more so, i'd say it was the fandom that saved my life. From hilarious old theories on tumblr to the fandom's general crack and chaos, it made me smile and brought back some joy when i could see it nowhere else.

i'd like to thank you personally. simply put, your blog and, more specifically your fanfic recommendations are the reason i am still here today. reading through them has helped me to laugh and cry when i needed it the most.

i'm getting to a much better place and finding my feet again. But I wouldn't have made it to this point without you and the fandom. so thank you. thank you so unbelievably much Steph.

... so yes, many of the blogs I've come across have long been inactive. So it's lovely to see the fandom still thriving :) i think i'd like to be you when i grow up. thank you again! <3

Have a lovely day!!!

Warm regards, Baie x

p.s: a note on johnlock... (after we watched the hounds of baskerville in class) my first exposure to sherlock was actually the bbc series which i binged. twice. then read acd's novels. somehow, the possibility that johnlock was not cannon never crossed my mind? like idk. maybe my view of love is skewed, but i tend to think love manifests in so many different regards. and to me, john and sherlock look at each other like a couple of old married best friends. so imagine my supprise when i made my way to the online discourse on the matter!! seeing people trying to prove their relationship exists was so odd to me at first. anyway yeah, point being, i'm asexual, so seeing a relationship dynamic portrayed in such a way that resembles my own relationship is very comforting. i love johnlock and the fandom to pieces <3

HI BAIE!!

OMG I am SO SORRY that I took so long to reply to this quick-reply ask, UGH.

First off, thank you SO MUCH for your unbelievable kindness in this ask. I am humbled and undeserving of such praise, but I am SO honoured that my blog has played a major role in your fandom experience. It always shocks and humbles me to read such praise.

Secondly, thank you so much for sharing your fandom story. I too had a lot of life-changing things happen because of this fandom, and I wouldn't change that for the world. It helped me understand myself in ways I never would have without it, helped me cope with a lot of family drama, got me through a sexuality crisis, encouraged me to finally seek the therapy and diagnoses I really needed, and just... helps combat the loneliness, honestly. My blog keeps me busy, so it does feel like a joy to work on it and KNOW that people enjoy being here as much as me.

I feel you on the asexuality, and on the personal interpretation of their relationship, and I do get it. I think for me it's just I spent SO MUCH TIME analyzing their characters that the only logical outcome of the series Pre-S4 was canon Johnlock. But alas, LOL.

This fandom is a fantastic place, and good golly I would not wish my neuroses on anyone to "be like me" LOL. I'm only still around because I have weird obsessions and I love running this blog and being a beacon for newcomers and old friends alike. BUT I am humbled that you aspire to be like me, so thank you <3 But you should be like YOU, because there's only one of you, and we admire you for that!!

THAT ALL SAID, good luck on your studies, sounds SO exciting! You'll be amazing!!!!!

Thank you again for this beautiful ask; now that I had a chance to sit down and read it, I am floored and sobbing, and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Thank you so much <3

Have a fantastic day, Lovely! <3

[t0tentanz]

The Maelstrom Problem in Cyberpunk: Edgerunners

I'd like to preface this rant with how amazing I thought the anime was. Studio Trigger and CDProjektRed both did an absolutely fantastic job in capturing both CP2077 aesthetics and environmental scopes in such a short number of episodes. The main story: absolutely mint, couldn't have written it better but beyond that I felt a lot of background characters and entities lacked a real parallel to their lore/game counterparts.

Obviously, this is going to focus mostly on the show's interpretation of Maelstrom and how I felt it was executed very poorly in comparison to who these guys really are. Maybe I am biased? But that bias probably gives me a lot more insight on who Maelstrom are beyond the "borged fucks" you meet in Cyberpunk 2077.

Maelstrom thrives off people assuming they're a group of chromed up freaks, with no desire beyond their own personal greed and vanity. Why? Underestimation. In game we've been shown several instances of Maelstrom's ability to organize, execute, and withdraw on specs equal to a small military force. My assumption is they employ a type of guerrilla warfare - hit hard, fast, and unexpected. Their numbers are small (sitting at a whopping 1.3k), while this could be seen as a tactical disadvantage, their scattered groups make it hard to pin down a real stronghold given a number of sporadic attacks and the ability to split on a minute flat.

Cyberpsychos. Whether you believe it's real or not, It's probably not news to anyone that a good portion of Maelstrom 'suffers' from this illness or are clearly on their way there. Embracing these victims as an ace in the hole would seem on par for Maelstrom in terms of combative forward thinking. Given their small numbers, and the long initiation process of conditioning followed by the optical practice, sacrificing able bodied soldiers is not on the menu. Work with what you got.

Also, territorial advantage. The entirety of Watson and the industrial district is not a small area by any means if you compare it to some of the other gang terf (especially those with a bigger number of warm bodies) only supports my theory of sporadic warfare.

Alright, so why does any of this matter?

We're given two direct instances of Maelstrom in Edgerunners - neither of them painting the entity in the light that they truly are. Instead, we get a display of scared, incompetent goons that look as if they've forgotten which hand their gun goes in. An absolute failure in contrast to a gang that took down a sizable Militech convoy without so much as a whisper - you know, the company that specializes in actual military grade hardware, weapons and components.

We meet them in the all familiar All Foods factory in regards to a hostage exchange. Okay, great - going well. Got several beautiful borg boys and girls in support and a couple of Edgerunners. David voids the terms with the sandy, and understandably, hell breaks loose between them.

Did Maelstrom even fight back? Maybe it all happened to fucking fast that I missed one of the more tactically efficient gangs of pure machinery couldn't even hold their own against a couple of solos. This is where my dislike of typical anime tropes start coming in - the protagonists are stupidly efficient at anything and everything even towards a group with long standing lore to support their combat strength and on home terf to boot.

Okay, what about V and Jackie in the Pick-up? V is obviously in a league of their own - that's never been disputed here plus given the option if various choices in taking down Royce and potential Militech back-up kinda voids the argument. The Edgerunners are great, absolutely, but they are not legends - they're mercs of no noticeable quality besides David's ability to use the legendary sandy right out of the box but even he is not immune as we see. He's still fresh as fuck.

Second, Totentanz! Can you imagine my excitement seeing this place? Absolutely thrown out the fucking window seconds in. Initial gripe - we know Totentanz as a safe zone. Maelstrom is welcoming to everyone given they adhere to Maelstrom customs and authority. Even those that went on a murderous rampage that killed their leader and lieutenant in one go. So, the initial hostility to the Edgerunners was confusing.

One netrunner was able to quick hack every single Maelstomer in one go? Yes, Kiwi is an absolute boss but this again falls into typical anime trope of overpoweredness especially for a side character. Also, you're telling me one of the more technologically advanced gangs, known for toeing the line of life and death and the net, has not one single fail safe or guard dog to at least partially deflect hacking attempts? We know it's possible - seen it in the ending Smasher fight.

Now they're absolutely being obliterated by Rebecca and…two guns? VS double digit numbers of Maelstrom. Yeah! Maelstrom is finally able to fight back but they're not gonna take cover at all or use any sort of netrunning abilities and also they suffer from clone trooper syndrome with their inability to not land one single hit on the Edgerunners who are literally standing in an open area. HUH?!

Boss fight? Nope. David is too OP for a boss fight. Over in 2 seconds.

My next gripe is the hostage situation in Totentanz. Considering Maelstrom welcomes everyone from all walks of life into the club - including but not limited to other gangs - for them to be openly partaking in work related situations seems extremely unlikely. Yes, let's absolutely do secretive gang things while we welcome our enemies in with open arms 😀 What could go wrong!?

I get this anime was building up the Edgerunners to be this badass ragtag group of mercs but pitting them against an enemy that you write as offering no sort of competition seems unbelievable. Especially considering how sorely Maelstrom was botched, was this not only wholly inaccurate to who and what they are - it was fucking insulting and embarrassing. I would have been more impressed with the Edgerunners beating a tactically superior entity than them just being able to do this and that without breaking a sweat.

Honestly. I take a lot of this as time constraints given the short number of episodes we were given. It doesn't hurt any less that this lore rich gang was reduced to a bunch of mindless goons.

Keep in mind this is entirely my own opinion.

This concludes my rant. I have to go wash my hair.

[trekkie-in-space]

Straight Fact about Marsella/Marseille from La Casa de Papel and some following Headcanon/Theories ✨✨

- Fact -

- Very discreet, he observes a lot and talk a little, called at a least at two reprises a mute (by Bogotà and Denver)

- Close to animals, especially dogs, love them, respect them, trust them more than human. He is against animal suffering.

- Ex-Soldier, has been called an assassin (by Bogotà) and Hitman (by Denver), killed human, killing a human is not a problem (straight up threatened Denver to cut him in half)

- Lost all his friends during war

- Had a dog during war, the dog was very loyal to him, stayed when human left (That dog was probably not Pamuk)

- Had a dog, Pamuk, very loyal/close to him too, got killed by children playing war

- Know many languages : Spanish, French, Italian, German, English, Croatian, Serbian

- React very quickly to Denver grabbing his arm/to physical provocation was trained to react that way + probably has a sharp instinct, not shy to threaten physically and orally someone

- Answer quickly to the professor order, see him as the chief/boss and obey him. One word from him is enough, do not discuss order.

- Extremely lucky - dude crash a car and get out pretty much without a scratch - I BEG YOUR PARDON ? - the car rolled and all, what if it had deformed to the point he couldn't get out ? What if he had broken a bone in the shock and couldn't dash out ? Because you can protect yourself all you want, getting in a crash, even one you plan, is very dangerous. Dude was like 'I have things to do and nothing will prevent me from doing them' and just walked out like nothing happened. Wtf man ?

- Has a lot of respect for the professor and to his plan. Will defend the plan when the professor wants to take risk but still follow change in plans if the risk is less than the gain (When they fight after Lisbon 'death' and then go into the crowd disguised.).

- Try to provide emotional support to the professor, he is clumsy about it but do his best and tries a lot of things

- Caring toward the professor, with (and I'm sorry but I don't know how to say it differently, but..) A certain tenderness. Like anybody in the group (or most) they are not just colleagues. But there is just a softness with him.

- React to Palermo 'Boum Boum Ciao' the same way the professor does. Seem annoyed, middly ashamed but also taken by the energy around (to crack a smile like the professor).

- Can be very intimidating if choose to, but in relaxed situation seem very kind/soft and not unbearing or obnoxious/showing.

- Extrapolations on Canon, Theories and Headcanons -

- The last hit he gave the professor when they were fighting is not because he misread the situation but because the professor just said Lisbon could betray them (which is technically true) and his hit was his way to say, 'have some faith/respect in your wife'

- During that fight he intentionally took hit from the professor to allow him to unload stress/give him a win. Why ? Because he is a trained ex-soldier who clearly shows good physical abilities, he knows how to fight and could probably take on Sergio even if he know how to fight too. Prior to this we see two scenes. One in a relaxed sitting (the soccer match) where Helsinki give him a slap and he doesn't react badly, he takes the hit and laugh, they were in front of each other he could have potentially avoid the hit, but did not hold grudges for that hit, basically taking a hit or two is not much for him and won’t be enough for him to get angry/escalate a situation. BUT during the pig scene to remove a micro, he reacts badly to physical provocation by Denver after he had to defend his position not to touch the animal with the rest of the team. Even if just a few said something, the whole team was baffled by his decision/principle, it was a moment where he was 'alone against all' and he defended himself in a quick and efficient manner.

They are in a middle of a heist, they are allies and he clearly does not want to fight, he fights because Sergio wants to fight and he probably doesn't give his all but just enough not to get bullied and give Sergio a mean to keep unleashing on him. (Man I swear you're doing too much)

- Definitely have some trauma and problem concerning human and trust. In two separate points, he has lost a lot or enough, and he had been deeply hurt by that (his friends all dead, his animals), probably have some unhealed emotional scars or one that heal badly and one way to cope is to keep a bit of distance + he seems to have a certain discipline/restrain in general.

Second, he mistrust humans, he is careful around them. Probably (definitely) has seen a large panel of the worst humanity has to offer. Probably don't trust easily but love when someone proves him they are worth trusting - which I think is what happened with the professor. Otherwise probably work alone or keep some distance.

- Jumping on that. He completely agreed to the professor as the boss, and his boss. Coming from a military background, he is used to having someone above him giving order and he answer promptly to the professor order or demand without questioning it/arguing (except when it touch to something the professor explicitly stated they should not do like improvisation, then he will argue). Overall he trusts him, might even admire him or have a deep respect for him and his plan/what de does/his personality.

-> I also believe his personality is one of a 'shadow' by that I mean he is his best as close support to someone/something acting behind for the good of the plan (which he does in the series), but I think he thrives in that role. He is a real doer. Dude will do anything that need to be done. like, he is perfect for a second, with someone above him to direct the action.

- Always had a good relationship to animals, now it had become a coping mechanism and a way to have companionship without the burden of 'human' nature. Not that he doesn't miss more close relationship to humans. Nor is it not painful when he loses someone or an animal close to him. it's just he find solace in animals compagny.

- Very soft, kind, caring inside. He let that out for the people he care about/trust. We see him mostly with the professor and above it being his role to care for the professor and all the 'beside' matter and needs. There are a lot of moments where he is very attentive to the professor or caring in ways that go above a professional setting (I'm sorry but when in the latest season when he put the cover back on Sergio as he sleep.. Such tenderness I swear ! or the way he tries to offer him emotional comfort/help)

-> Also the way he care for Sofia..

- Give off asexual vibe, sorry not sorry but it's true. That man is ace.

- Why is he on the heist ? I think outside of money and personal material gain he might be in for revenge against the system. He was a soldier, an executor in the government hands, he may want to fuck the system, give shit to a system that has used him, that took a lot from him. Maybe he was betrayed by that government and the people in it, root for his mistrust of human or just added enough to a preexisting base.

- The way he reacts physically and violently to Denver grabbing him when he turn away is very telling. He has a strong instinct and sharp reflex. But also definitely found himself in a situation where this would have been a life of death situation or overall high danger. This is absolutely pure speculation but outside of his work as a soldier and now hitman this reaction could be rooted deeper in child abuse and trauma, which could also reflect to his discreet and unshowing personality, he keeps to himself.

Anyway this looked like reflexes from training and from past traumatic experience. -> In a way his reaction seemed a bit too much (definitely) for the situation they were in, but also somewhat 'slow' (I'm interpreting too much the acting but whatever) as if he thought about reacting the way he did, nearly didn't but still did because he was pissed off from earlier and had been triggered. So he just decided to go with the outburst, and set his position straight.

-> Being grabbed from behind/prevented from leaving might also be from a fear/trigger to be trapped (the way he place himself behind in the class, close to the door (which could be nothing lol x) )). Which could also be tied to his time in military where his agency had been stripped from him completely/where he was lacking freedom and had to do things he didn't want to do.

- A big BIG softy, but also those hands have killed and will kill again. (in a way him and Helsinki are a bit alike)

- Keeps most of his emotions inside, tend to stay mostly neutral and what he show is just the tip of the iceberg, but don't be fooled, that man have a lot of emotions.

- Probably need a lot of time to open up, but do info dump at time when he think it might be relevant (ex: during the pig scene, or in the car with Sergio after Lisbon 'death') and you're like 'what ?' very likely need to be asked question if you want to know things about him.

- He likes honesty, but probably won't be himself, tend to be secretive, probably a good liar. He will be honest on a few important things otherwise...

- That man way of love his act of service x)

[doc-ock-earth-12041]

What I really like about USM Otto is that while there is so much left unanswered, it’s fun to come up with ideas and headcanons.

Like his whole suit is basically a mobile iron lung, but it leaves up a lot to interpret and discuss.

How does he eat? How does he even sleep? Does the suit literally just do everything for him?

(Picture here is from when Loki switched bodies with Spider-Man. When Loki announces his presence, it looks like Otto was just rudely woken up from a quick nap.)

Absolutely. The show tells you just enough about him to let you know what's going on- but with enough room to leave you wondering. He's mysterious, and it's fun. I love headcanons, and I love hearing everyone's headcanons (that being said, please send them my way!). I have a couple myself, some based on canon and some just for fun.

Headcanons and speculation below.

As far as canon goes we only see the suit function as a sort of mobile ventilator, but it's likely that it has other functions, such as monitoring vitals (blood pressure, heart rate, respiration rate, temperature, etc), or providing power to the tentacles (assuming they aren't running off of Otto's bio-energy, like some alternate Doc Ocks). It could even be doing dialysis for him if his paralysis is severe enough to cause renal failure.

As for eating, people either go one of two ways with their headcanons: either Otto can eat normally, or he can't.

With the first one we can assume he has no issues eating or drinking; we just don't see him eat at all (in his original body) because it's not important for the plot.

With the second we're assuming that his spinal chord injury is high enough that it's affecting his ability to swallow and digest food. If he can swallow fine, but has difficulty digesting food he would have to be on a liquids and semi-solids diet (nothing more solid than the consistency of apple sauce, generally). He may be unable to eat specific foods, such as acid reflux and/or gastroparesis trigger foods (carbonation, caffeine, spicy foods, etc). If he has diffuclty swallowing then he could have either a gastrostomy or jejunostomy tube, likely connected to his suit so he doesn't have to take off parts just to eat. His diet would most likely consist of a specialized nutrient slurry, balanced to avoid nutritional and vitamin deficiencies. It's not as enriching as actually eating, leaving you with cravings for foods you can no longer eat- but it works. (He would be able to try foods as long as he doesn't actually swallow any of it. Some people call this a "spit meal".)

Personally I like the second headcanon. I feel like he would've thrived on caffeine before the accident. Explains why he scarfs down Peter's coffee and breakfast so quickly in s4 ep25 Graduation Day Part 1. That guy hasn't eaten good food in awhile.

I don't think Otto gets a lot of sleep. His suit makes laying down uncomfortable. Can't lay on his back because of the tentacles, can't lay on his front because of the vents. In theory he could lay on his sides, but it would be uncomfortable due to the tubes and lights. The easy answer to this is... Otto sleeps standing up on the actuators, which is both a funny and scary image. I don't feel like he enjoys sleeping, either- he'd much rather be working, and when he does sleep it's restless and likely filled with nightmares. Maybe he has sleep paralysis. So he works until he can't physically stay awake anymore and just... Falls asleep where he's standing. Or leaning on his desk.

Though, I will say I don't think he was actually asleep in s3 ep1 The Avenging Spider-Man Part 1. It's very convincing- but later, in s4 ep13 we see what he actually looks like when he's out cold.

His face is much more slack here. Almost "peaceful" looking, whereas in The Avenging Spider-Man he still looks faintly irritated, brows drawn slightly together and frowning more intensely. Focused, if I had to put a word to his expression. So I feel either he was pretending to be asleep, so as not to be bothered, or he was just thinking. Not much else to do in a cell, after all.

[gaycrouton]

Fox Mulder’s Senior Thesis

Scully reads Mulder's thesis to get even since he read hers, but she wasn't expecting just how much autobiographical insight she would gain into her new partner.

5k - MSR

Ao3 Link Here

Scully felt the indignant burn of embarrassment on her cheeks every time she thought about those words coming out of Mulder's mouth. "Einstein's Twin Paradox, A New Interpretation. Dana Scully Senior Thesis. Now that's a credential, rewriting Einstein." Worst of all, he said he'd actually read it. She didn't know him well enough to be able to tell if he truly liked it, but regardless, the fact he'd looked at it embarrassed her. She was a certified medical doctor, she'd written plenty of articles she was genuinely proud of over the years, yet Mulder had chosen to read her undergraduate thesis from the University of Maryland. She was only 22 when she wrote it, and she was pretty sure coffee and sleep deprivation contributed more to the final product than she did.

When she got home after that first day of work, the words still danced around her head "I read it. I liked it." Out of curiosity, she went through some old boxes to find a copy she knew she'd hidden away with a bunch of other college knicknacks, and just as she'd expected, it was full of errors and the misplaced arrogance of youth. The knowledge that Mulder had read it and formed an impression of her based on these old musings made her uncomfortable, and an irrational part of her wished she could go back in time and make it better.

It wasn't like it was an invasion of privacy, but to read her writing from years ago felt like a level of intimacy she wasn't ready to share with a near-stranger.

It had been a few months since he'd mentioned it, and they'd been working together just fine, but the thought that he'd seen this small side of her, Dana-the-co-ed who wanted to impress her professor so badly that she tried to rewrite Einstein, nagged at the back of her mind. Did he read her vulnerability, the way her words begged for her professor's praise? Could he read the pride she'd felt at the time for having taken on something so advantageous? Did he ever consider how forward that was, how off-putting to have one's thesis dug up from the grave?

But she knew that was exactly why he'd done it. Mulder wanted to make her uncomfortable. Not her exactly, but the new partner assigned to invade his space. She wasn't the profiler, but she knew he did it as a defense mechanism. Mulder had done it in front of her a few times now: if he acted as spooky as people thought he was, they would make fun of the caricature of himself he was playing, not the real, vulnerable Mulder.

Scully wondered if the thesis had any part in endearing herself to him, or did he look at it through a lens of judgement, finding every flaw and analyzing what he'd use to tease the new partner coming down to see him.

"I read it. I liked it."

It was one of the many times she'd started to spiral while thinking of how he thought of her. The spirals were usually brought upon anytime he ditched her during a case or when he investigated something on his own. A nagging feeling would grow in her abdomen that asked "Why doesn't he trust me fully?" And she would think back to that embarrassing insight he had into her. A few times she considered sending some of her other work, some of what she was more proud of to him, before ultimately realizing that he'd probably seen the titles and gone with the one that intrigued him most. The one he was probably most ready to laugh at, her brain would supplement.

Then she decided it would only be fair to read his.

She'd read his monograph on serial killers and the occult as part of her profiling training at the academy, but she knew there was probably an embarrassing thesis floating out there somewhere.

After the seed of an idea was planted in her mind, the roots started to overgrow all rational thought. She was fueled by a curiosity of what Oxford educated psychologist Fox Mulder sounded like in his early twenties. He was a bit arrogant now, though it wasn't repulsive in him like she found that quality to be in most men, but arrogant nonetheless. She could only imagine what a 22 year-old version of him sounded like.

Scully wondered what that must've been like, what the look on his advisor's face was when he inevitably postulated some intergalactic theory. Or did he choose a more mammalian creature to examine? Perhaps little grey men were too extreme, and he scaled it back to the cultural differences between Bigfoot, the chupacabra, and a yeti.

Luckily for her, she had a friend in the archival department who was able to locate his thesis for her with the payment of a coffee. It was dropped on her desk in an inconspicuous manila envelope, and she was able to sneak it into her purse before Mulder had a chance to notice.

Scully waited until she was home before tearing into it. It was about 60-pages, a nice length for a bachelor's thesis. She'd prepared for the event with a glass of wine and some snacks. A highlighter and some pencils were scattered around her in preparation for her night of learning more about her enigmatic partner. Despite the frivolity of it, she felt her heart thrumming in her chest, excited to meet this Mulder even if she intended to make jokes at his expense tomorrow to his older self.

She smiled to herself as she tried to have a last minute guess at what phenomena he'd focus on before a gasp tore from her lips at the reality.

Shared Grief and Repression: An examination of the psychological long-term impact of parental invalidation regarding familial trauma on childhood development

Fox Mulder - Senior Thesis

Oxford University

May 15th, 1983

Scully felt numb with the implications of this, but she couldn't help her curiosity. She read the entire thing in one night, unable to put it down. She barely knew Mulder well enough to distinguish if there was an autobiographical hurt child ghost-writing these hypotheses or if it was mere speculation, Mulder being desperate to understand himself. For all she knew this could have been a result of Mulder assisting a professor in their own research, the ties to his own past merely coincidental. Somewhere in her soul, she knew that despite her hesitance to admit it, she'd just learned far more about Mulder through this than he had learned about her through her nonsensical ramblings about Einstein.

What she did know, unquestionably, was that she would never tell him. That night she placed his thesis on top of hers, and hid their past selves in a box deep in her closet. She couldn't bring herself to throw his words out, so she would just have to live with them.

She didn't have Mulder's eidetic memory, but lines of his thesis stood out to her with the same clarity in which he'd recited hers. She never called upon them, they just came like a bolt of lightning that left a charred mark in its wake. It was as if she was the scientist observing if his hypotheses were true while Mulder acted as the living case study.

1993

"Adults who lacked comfort in their youth are prone to seek human connection out through other, non-conventional means, (Jenkins, 1945)."

While part of her acknowledged this was Mulder's office, the other part of her knew this was also the official office of the X-Files, of which she was an equal part. She hadn't felt this way since the last time she moved into one of her boyfriend's apartments. A few sweaters left in the closet, food in the fridge that was only for her, messages for her left on the answering machine - things that accumulated slowly until she decided it would be stupid to re-sign the lease at her own place.

That was effectively what she'd done here. She noticed that two women from the financial crimes unit were being forced to share a space, and, being she couldn't remember the last time she was in her own office, she decided to give it to one of them. Now, despite the fact Mulder was the only name on a placard outside and she was still trying to elbow space for herself on the other side of his desk, this was her office now too.

The space heater at their feet was hers, she'd brought a plant that was thriving in the annex of the office, she'd even managed to put a TV Guide clipping about Alf amongst all his other ones to see how long it would take him to notice. Even though those small things made her feel more 'at home,' she still wanted to claim a little more space for herself.

One day she decided to arrive before him, a box of her office supplies in hand, and take over one of the drawers of his desk. Just one - for now.

Scully plopped down in his chair, amazed at how much larger the indent he'd created was than her diminutive frame. With a sigh, she decided he'd probably be less inclined to be irritated if she took one of the bottom drawers. Pulling one out, she had to suppress a gasp of surprise.

She'd caught him reading nudie mags before, claiming they were for the abduction stories in the feedback sections, but this was… a lot.

Snowed in! Plowed out!

Shared Space (And a tight one at that!)

Years of Waiting, Big Explosion!

The titles made her grimace, but they weren't as bad as some she'd seen in her brothers' room growing up. The VHS tapes were lined up in the drawer in alphabetic order and their neon titles stuck out brightly to her. Pausing to listen for the sound of the elevator, she grabbed the one labeled Years of Waiting.

The summary on the back alluded to a couple who'd been in love for years finally consummating their shared attraction. It was surprisingly less crude than she'd anticipated. She picked up the one with space in the title and saw it was about two friends who had to share a room together while on vacation, and after a while, they can't keep their hands off each other.

She felt a furrow in her brow in confusion. These tapes all had similar descriptions to the dimestore paperback romance novels she'd buy from time to time. It seemed the story was just as important as the sex itself. One of them even had a cover of two people cupping the other's face as they leaned in for a kiss. Of course, the photo on the back was a naked sexual position that made her back hurt, but it overall wasn't as crude as she'd anticipated.

Mulder was into softcore, oddly sweet pornography?

She wasn't quite sure what to do with that information before she heard a ding come from down the hall. Scully quickly stuffed the VHS in her hands back in the drawer without looking, and instead moved to the bottom drawer on the other side of the desk. She was relieved to see it was some of his spare clothes and she dumped them on his desk before relocating her stuff into the drawer.

1994

"Children mimic what they see demonstrated in front of them (Smith, 1975). When a traumatic event occurs and parents cope without any outward displays of emotion, the child learns the expectation is that emotions are hidden. A potential development due to this is that the child understands how negatively invalidation felt, so they try to overcompensate when offering comfort to others, appearing unrelenting in their efforts to provide the comfort as the act itself is a comfort for them as well."

She stood there sobbing into his arms until she felt numb, soothed by the way his hands rubbed circles into her back as he whispered "You're alright. You're alright," into her hair, as if to assure himself as much as her.

The flash and subsequent whir of a crime scene camera made her jump and Mulder tightened his grip on her. "Can we have a minute?" he snapped, his voice coming out so harsh and stern compared to how he'd just talked to her.

She turned her head and saw they were in a room with at least ten other law enforcement officers - all with varying levels of pitiful expressions on their faces as they couldn't help but look at the embracing FBI agents.

Embarrassment flooded her and she withdrew her arms from around Mulder, bringing them together near her abdomen as she tried to take a step away. Mulder looked down at her in worry, cupping the side of her head with his hand. "Scully, don't push yourself," he lamented.

Scully shook her head and brought her hands shakily to the back of her neck, suddenly feeling choked by the table runner that had been used as a gag.

"Ma'am, we need to take a picture before yo-."

"I think we have enough evidence, don't you?" Mulder snapped, stepping forward in front of her like he was about to fight anyone who so much as looked at her.

She felt the crime scene analyst take a step away as they apologized to Mulder, but Scully was too busy fumbling with the tie at the back of her neck. She was starting to feel like she couldn't breathe and she was worried she was somehow tightening it. "Mulder?" she gasped.

Scully instantaneously felt his hands cover hers as he deftly untied the fabric, throwing it on the ground before brushing her hair back to make sure she was okay. "Breathe," he whispered, pulling her back to him so he could rub her shoulders.

"I'm fine," she whispered, her eyes focusing on the portrait of a Pfaster that was hung on the wall next to them.

Mulder stepped in front of it, replacing her line of vision with himself instead. "Please don't shut me out, Scully," he pleaded, his brows furrowed in concern. Mulder had comforted her a few times before in the past, but usually it was just a word or two of affirmation. Right now, he felt like he was the sole thing keeping her from drowning.

She glanced around and met the eyes of several people who instinctively looked away. "What do you need, Scully?" he prompted.

Scully looked back at him and noticed that he looked like he was going to combust if he couldn't do something to help her. She could pretend she didn't want his help tomorrow, for tonight, she'd allow them this symbiotic comfort. "I need to leave," she whispered.

"Will you let me take you to the hospital?" he asked.

She nodded once in response and that was all he needed. Without conferring with anyone else, he wrapped his arm around her and took her away from this nightmare.

1995

"Parents in these situations often do not realize the damage they are causing, nor are they actively trying to cause harm. Familial trauma effects all involved and, more often than not, the inattentiveness to the child's feelings is a result of parents being unable to handle their own."

Scully thought when she finally met Teena Mulder that a vital piece to the Mulder-puzzle would fall into place. She'd imagined a witch of a woman devoid of smile lines and with a tongue that could cut like a razor. The jagged-edged puzzle piece that would shift and create the perfect match to the soft edges of her partner who carried a burden from childhood that drove his every move.

Instead, she was met with a rosy cheeked woman who looked at her son's grave like she was contemplating if there was room for two.

It wasn't the piece she anticipated, but the puzzle shifted into place nonetheless, and she saw why Mulder could never admonish his parents while Scully had held so much resentment. Mulder was the sweetest man she knew. He could never find a place in his heart to resent a childless mother, even if she did have a child right next to her waiting to be loved.

Scully couldn't imagine the pain of losing a child, but she could empathize with this woman's pain at losing Mulder, even if only temporarily. Deciding it would be appropriate to go and talk to Mrs. Mulder now that the service was over, she steeled herself to tell the woman a sentiment she must have wanted to hear for decades.

"Your child is still alive."

Just not the one she was used to mourning.

1996

"Some children deal with internalized guilt because of the event. If parents or healthcare professionals neglect to discuss the event candidly to the child, this can cause them to believe they have done something wrong and that is the cause of the omission. When a memory of the event is triggered and the subject is reminded of the event, this can send them into a depressive state because of their guilt."

Mulder was contemplating dealing with Roche. She knew it without him telling her, not that he was saying much of anything in the first place. He hadn't been himself since this all started. No - he was being himself, and that's what was so painful about this all. Scully could see the guilt written all over his face, a guilt and a sense of responsibility so strong that her normally affable, goofy partner who always had something to say was resorting to one word responses and pensive stares. She was seeing the twelve year old little boy who blamed himself for his sister's disappearance, and it took everything in her not to bring him into her arms and tell him it wasn't his fault.

She wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to erase the look on his face when he dug into the dirt of the forest with his bare hands, the desperation in his voice when he said "Help me, Scully." She was still deeply touched that when he was faced with the potential of finally finding his sister, he asked for her help. It sounded animalistic coming from his mouth, like his very soul was begging her. It felt like such a private moment, she was certain this was a part of Mulder he never showed anyone.

Finding out the truth about Samantha was the core being of his mission, his life's work, and being this close to the potential truth had left him bare like exposed nerves so oversensitized that he was numb. She'd never seen him so withdrawn and it killed her.

After they met with Roche and he'd teased Mulder, yet again, she drove him home. As grateful as she was he'd accepted, she was worried that he hadn't even refused in the first place.

"Mulder?" she tried, looking at him as they hit another red light.

He was staring at the dashboard as if the answers to his problems would manifest in front of him. Mulder didn't seem to hear her, so she tried again. "Mulder?"

"Hmm?" he hummed in response. If she hadn't heard it, she wouldn't have believed the sound even came from him as he didn't even slightly move. It was like a Mulder deep inside this shell answered, though his mouth couldn't form the words.

She put her hand on his shoulder, her thumb touching the exposed skin of his neck. He blinked and she took that as him acknowledging her. "Mulder, I'm worried about you," she whispered.

He finally turned to look at her and she saw exhaustion painting his features. "I have to know, Scully," he sighed, looking through her.

"He's using you, Mulder," she lamented, desperate to appeal to the part of him that begged for her help in the woods. The part that knew she was there for him, even if that meant telling him what he didn't want to hear.

Mulder shrugged lightly before turning to look ahead. "Probably," he sighed, resigned. He sounded used to this, used to being disheartened.

"I-" she started before a car honked behind her, making her hand shoot back to the wheel. They were only a block from his place, and he was getting out of the car before she had a chance to try talking to him again.

"Do you want me to come up with you?" she offered, reaching for her seatbelt.

He shook his head as he put his hand on the frame of the door. "I just need to think," he murmured, his eyes refusing to meet hers.

"Please, try to get some sleep, Mulder," she pleaded, only for the words to reach the interior of a closed car door.

1997

"Adults who have gone through this experience may find forming attachments difficult. It is not that they are emotionally stunted, but they've been primed through the childhood trauma to question if showing their authentic emotions is appropriate or not since they never received emotional validation. This desire to appear stoic is a defense mechanism that may seem like callousness, indifference, or flippancy in those around them. Because of this, when they do form bonds, they may be perceived as overbearing or clingy to the person they are close to."

She awoke to the sight of her own vigil taking place.

At first the only thing she was able to piece together was that the top of her hand was warm and wet. Then she smelled Mulder's hair and realized he was crying against her hand. For a moment she almost considered turning her hand so that her palm could press against his cheek - anything to comfort the man mourning the loss of his best friend.

"I'm still here," she wanted to say, but her throat clenched and her eyes burned as Mulder's choked sobs reiterated what they both knew: "For now."

She knew she meant a lot to him, but she never imagined herself being the person he bowed his head to in silent prayer.

1998

"These children may exhibit a pattern into adulthood of accepting behaviors and attitudes that others would refuse to put up with. As they are less likely to have positive self-worth, they may see themselves as deserving treatment that reaffirms these negative ideologies of self."

Mulder smirked. Fowley said they were allowed to investigate the X-Files as an indulgence, making Mulder seem like a child being pacified to keep busy to a room full of their peers, but since she said she held interest in his work, he smirked.

Now Mulder was talking to Skinner in his office while everyone else was told to step out into the hall. Most people in the room were content with going on a small walk, stretching their legs, but two people were left in the anteroom of the office poised in an awkward stand-off as they waited for Mulder to emerge.

His partner and his chickadee.

Scully sucked on her top teeth in annoyance as she glanced at Diana, watching as the woman appeared unfazed at the situation. Scully wished Arlene was here - anything to distract from the metronome of her aggravation.

Indulgence.

Chickadee.

Indulgence.

Chickadee.

The Gunmen hadn't explained why they broke up, seemingly shocked they did in the first place, and somewhere deep in Scully's soul she knew it was Diana's doing.

Was that why Mulder acted like that around her? Desperate to get some sort of validation, despite the fact this woman seemed to treat him poorly. Protectiveness flared up in Scully's chest and it threatened to choke her. At least, she wanted to blame it all on protectiveness. Acknowledging the part of herself that felt the bitter sting of indignation as she was condemned for wanting to make sure they were taken seriously while Fowley got a smirk for belittling their work.

"Things got a little heated in there. Didn't they?" Fowley called out, her voice sounding calm and collected as ever.

"I'd say so," Scully bit in response, sounding quite the opposite.

The door swung open and Mulder stepped out, looking around the room at the two women before telling Agent Fowley that Skinner was calling the Attorney General now.

Another smirk.

1999

"Because of childhood trauma, it may be harder for these individuals to let people in. They may be honest about their trauma, but when it comes to letting people see the intimate details of their life, they might be shrouded in mystery (Evans, 1969). Traumatized individuals will only share personal information with people they believe will not hurt them."

The young boy had to go home after thirty minutes of loading balls for them to hit, but Mulder didn't seem to be ready to call it quits yet - and, to be honest, neither was she. It was so rare that they got to spend time together that didn't involve a case. Even rarer was time spent together with so much levity.

Mulder paid the boy some extra money before picking up two mitts that were lying by the machine. "Here," he yelled before throwing one to her.

She caught the worn leather in both hands with a laugh that caused Mulder to smile. "What're we doing?" she asked, instinctively putting her hand in the oversized glove.

"Ever play catch, Scully," he replied, throwing a ball at her.

"I was never invited," she called out, shifting her feet against the sand underneath her to feel how it shifted. "You're my first."

"Mm," he hummed lewdly, causing her to blush at the way she phrased that.

"Underhand can be easier for amateurs," he replied before throwing the ball at her lightly from a few yards away.

Scully caught the ball in the mitt, smiling when he praised her. Then, mimicking him, she threw it overhand to him.

Mulder lifted his arm and caught it with a small jump. He looked at her with raised brows and a boyish grin that made the sensations she'd felt with him behind her stir back up in her abdomen. "You husslin' me, Scully?" he replied, tossing the ball at her with a little more speed.

She caught it with ease and shrugged. "What can I say? I learned from the best," she teased before throwing it back.

Teased. Scully didn't do that often, but she was starting to think maybe she should based on the way his lips curved up shyly. He'd been teasing and gently flirting with her since she met him. She was starting to see the appeal.

"I hope I didn't ruin any evening plans," he replied, throwing it at her.

It was always expected for Mulder to make himself sound like an inconvenience. Even after she just spent thirty minutes giggling in his arms and 'accidentally' moving her body against him in ways that she was sure to revisit when her hand was in her underwear, he still managed to convince himself he was a burden.

"I haven't had fun like this in a long time," she replied, bending to catch a lowball. "Besides, you let me listen to my music on the last road trip even though you didn't like it just because you wanted to hear what I like. I like learning what you like too," she replied sweetly, throwing it back to him with more speed.

Mulder smiled, playing with the ball in his hand before joking, "I just think Alanis Morissette needs to date better guys."

"Like you?" She didn't say it outloud, but she thought it. She jumped to catch a high ball he threw at her, causing him to burst out laughing.

"I'm serious though, Mulder. I like learning more about you," she replied.

Mulder ran to the side a bit to catch the toss before smiling shyly. "I want to learn more about you too."

She caught his next throw as she contemplated her next words. Deciding to take a page out of his book and be bold tonight, she asked, "I think… I think it would be fun if we spent more time together. Maybe we could have movie nights at each other's place or something?"

A smile erupted on Mulder's face before the ball hit him square in the nose - too distracted to catch what she'd hurled at him.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry," she chuckled sympathetically, running over to him and putting her gloved hand on his shoulder.

"I'd love that," he replied, his nose as pink as his cheeks.

2000

"It is not until the individual manages to come to terms with the familial trauma that healing may take place."

She never imagined what she might feel like in this moment because she never thought it would come. A potential romantic relationship with Mulder seemed like it was slowly migrating from the periphery into the foreground, and she was starting to come to terms with the idea that she may forever share the foreground spot of Mulder's sight with the memory of a little girl.

He said he was free, and he'd never looked more so. She had been worried after Harold Piller took off, but Mulder seemed nonplussed, just staring into the sky as if he was looking at an old friend, a small smile of acknowledgement on his lips. "Are you sure you're okay, Mulder?" she asked, reaching out and entwining her fingers in his.

He turned to her and, to her surprise, placed a kiss to the top of her forehead. She looked up at him with wide eyes and saw he was looking at her in adoration, as if nothing existed in this moment except her.

"Let's go home, Scully," he murmured, brushing a tendril of hair behind her ear.

2000

"Adults dealing with residual trauma crave the emotional validation they did not receive as a child. Words of affirmation, consensual physical touch, and other forms of direct reassurance help the traumatized adult feel more self-assured with how they are being perceived."

This one comes to her, like most of these recollections of his thesis do, in the most random of moments. She was standing in his kitchen, wearing his shirt that acts as a dress on her, while she watched him make breakfast. For background noise, he just pressed play on the VCR and the Caddyshack tape from last night started playing over again. Maybe now she'll find out how it ends.

She'd been so desperate to know more about him during that time years ago when she'd read his thesis, that any line she read seemingly became permanently filed away in the Mulder folder of her brain. So now, as she stood here taking in all the new information about him that she was newly privy to - his inability to whistle despite his valiant efforts, the fact he can crack an egg with one hand despite having seemingly basic culinary skills, how he often takes moments to look at her as if he wants to make sure she's still here - the process of filing away the new information caused that little tidbit from seven years ago to leak out.

Deciding to test 22 year old Mulder's hypothesis, she walked over to him with her bare feet padding along the tiles of his floor, and wrapped her arms around his waist so that her chest was flush to his bare back.

"Is this about to be a culinary version of that scene from Ghost?" he asked, his muscles moving as he flipped a pancake over.

"I like being here," she murmured shyly, her words sounding weird from her cheek being smooshed against his back.

It felt weird, but not horribly so. They didn't communicate verbally all that well, it wasn't their thing, but if little moments like these held a chance of letting Mulder know how she felt, then she could overcome her own hang ups. It was a lot easier than mustering the courage to say the three words they already knew.

She felt Mulder's back twist, as if trying to look at her, before he turned back, likely not wanting to dislodge her. "I-I like you being here too," he stammered. While he also was clearly unused to this type of openness, the upward lilt of his inflection told her she'd made him happy.

She liked it.

Squeezing him once tightly, she added, "I'm glad I get to spend the day with you." They were sentiments so PG and mundane that she'd probably even said them to her mother before, but within this special context of her and Mulder's relationship - it felt like a huge step.

"If I knew making you breakfast would have gotten this reaction I would have done it years ago," he joked, though his words were laden with sincerity. She felt him pause for a moment before timidly moving one hand to rest on top of hers.

She smiled into his back and pressed a gentle kiss against warm flesh as Mulder's own version of those three words wrapped around her heart.

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 12 Reactions: Mando goes on a self care sidequest with friends and now the Razor Crest can fly again

- before we talk about ANYTHING else I have to mention once again: 

shut UP they have a statue for IG-11 in the town square!!!!! right outside the school like he’s guarding it!!! I am  c r y i n g

- that opening scene was Everything; I have had exactly this type of conversation with my dad so many times when I was a kid and he was fixing up our about-to-fall-apart house (though he’s an electrician so he wouldn’t have let me within fifteen kilometers of anything electrical that was still powered lol. it’s okay tho let’s just assume that star wars tech has extra fail safes for these things that we don’t, the baby is clearly fine)  

callout post for Din Djarin: does not own furniture, literally sits on a crate in the middle of the cargo hold to eat dinner, has presumably been living like this for decades, help him 

them sipping soup perfectly in sync 😭😭😭 (for some reason I find it so funny that din lifts up and then lowers the helmet for every mouthful fsaldkfhjsadfh it’s such a... I almost want to say dainty? way of doing it and my heart is full of so much affection)   

I wonder if they’ve been eating together like this for a while or if it’s din doing just a tiny bit of testing his boundaries now that he knows there are different schools of thought on the helmet thing to see how he feels about it? the baby is extremely curious, but that could also be because he’s seen people take the  helmet off completely now and made the connection that presumably his dad has a face above the chin under there too lol 

-

grandpa greef... things I didn’t know I needed but am delighted to get

the way the mando music goes soft and relaxed and almost playful when din spots greef and cara? fcking kills me ludwig göranson going for my throat once again

 - 

“hmmm why isn’t this working... the puppy eyes usually work on dad eventually this is unprecedented & concerning” 

a baby committing baby crimes through the force and getting away with it mostly scot-free... delightful, wonderful in every way    

‘batuu!’ ;_________; baby has a word for food?

- 

din’s Dad Instincts kicking in... I’m emotional over how casually protective he is with things like this, and that he showed signs of it even before meeting the baby (he’s also the last one to stay behind on the platform to make sure the rest of them make it out safely before they start running.... your honor im love this man more than anything he is Dad)

that soft steady protective-but-not-possessive masculinity baBEY 

- I am entranced by the difference between din’s fighting style in the last episode -- when he was continually on the back foot and out of sync with the people he fought with -- and in this episode, where he’s back in one man army mode. (he does take on sort of a protective role when he fights with friends -- he’s not quite fighting with them all the time he’s more like a shepherding dog circling them and making sure they’re okay lol) turns out he fights much better with -- for! -- people he actually trusts and knows and likes and who aren’t manipulating him huh :)   

- the mythrol dude says in the first episode that he’s a ‘fledgling’, and it makes everything about him so much funnier when you assume he’s his species equivalent of a teenager/twentysomething fsdfsdjkfhsd (he oh so 100% sold din out at the beginning there tho :( the most charitable interpretation is that he didn’t quite know the scope of it -- he did seem just as surprised as the rest of them that gideon isn’t dead, so maybe he thought that weird alien mechanic dude wanted to know about the crest for more mundanely nefarious reasons?)

they are kind of shitty towards him tho I feel a bit bad for him haha 

- at least din knows moff gideon is still alive now and can take appropriate precautions as far as possible? on the other hand he doesn’t know about the tracker and I am so scared help  

- man I wish gina carano wasn’t such a godawful person so I could appreciate cara dune’s overarms and interesting character development in peace but as it stands... yeah 

- @ all the people whining about when we get to ahsoka... meet me in the ring for dishonorable combat I am smol and sort of skinny these days but I have decades of pent up rage and no compunctions about fighting dirty on my side lol 

listen... I love ahsoka as much as the next person, but we already have two shows’ worth of content for her. just let me have my thirty minutes a week of slice of life dad and baby nonsense without it being overshadowed by Plot and more established characters okay (and also if the rumours are right about who is going to play her... double  y e a h  that’s going to be fun to navigate emotionally :/)    

- I actually really liked that they went back to nevarro to answer some old questions (where did those empire dudes even come from?? what’s going on with pershing and why am I so weirdly happy to see him again when clearly he is bad news??? what do they need the baby for exactly? how are cara and greef but mostly greef now sadly doing?) and update that whole storyline a bit, while opening even more questions. also stop midichlorian-counting yodito’s blood you fucking creeps

the (likely) midichlorian mention didn’t bother me that much because this show already thrives on the tension between the mythic and mystical and the weirdly mundane and realistic, it’s the one star wars thing I trust to handle the Force the same way without losing the magic of it

- seeing the armorer’s forge like that was honestly upsetting to me haha, I know the forge isn’t what makes her what she is but still 

-

greef karga is a huge bitch and I like him so much

I do like greef’s character growth, though -- it feels a bit like some older and more idealistic (well comparatively) part of him has finally gotten out from under the empire’s boot and restored itself, it’s sweet. he’s doing administrative things that have the whole town blooming! there are plants and living things thriving there now! he wants to establish a safe trading hub!

- f for this poor harried new republic officer, captain carson teva, who along with trapper wolf is apparently responsible for policing the entire outer rim haha

I like the complicated tension between him and the other characters here -- both sides have very good reasons to hold the points of view they do and it’s easy to see why it’s so hard for them to work together but at least this guy is trying to be fair about it     

- the way they all immediately agreed when din went straight into ‘get. baby. NOW everything else is secondary’ dad mode and let him go off on his own even tho he would probably have been real useful to have around T______T friendshipppp 

baby FINALLY strapped in securely I gave a little shout of triumph haha

the way he was like ‘free cookies! (everything’s free if you steal it #baby yoda life hacks) helping dad with stuff! high speed dog fights! BEST! DAY! EVER!’ through the whole scene right up until he was finally sick but it’s okay because dad is here and will fix it even while he’s driving... don’t even look at me I can’t 

- din being in a much more stable and happy place after going to friends for help (and the way it’s reflected in his ship! my theory still stands strong haha)....... mngh im not crying give this man some community he so clearly needs it 

[fallenrepublick]

Hey! What field would Thrawn, Thrass, Maul, Vader, Tarkin, Krennic and Obi-Wan choose to study in school between science, literature/humanity and economy/social ? And what would be their fav subject (can be in another field, they just have to like it) ?

Sorry that's a lot of characters...

Ooo here you are, back at it again with the stuff that makes me think!!

I think Thrawn would go down the literature route. Literature is a form of art, and while it might not be the same in the way it conveys information, the ideas that you can glean from the individual authors is much the way you can interpret artists. What is the author saying? Why? What are they implying about their own beliefs that aren’t stated directly, yet are represented by means of subtext? It’s a thorough process, one that requires a lot of analysis and a broad understanding of how people interact and process the information in their lives. What’s more, it’s a way to predict the paths that societies and people will follow in the future, what patterns occur throughout history, what cycles had been unavoidable. Where are they headed now? Will they change, if they even have the ability to? It’s logical, as well as creative, fundamentally.

His favourite subject is not a class to create art, but rather Art History. In a way, both subjects can work in conjunction with each other, using skills from one and applying it to scenarios in the other.

Thrass would go the sociology route, and I think that’s pretty obvious why. He’s a debater and communicator at heart, and he’s going to take the path that uses these skills well and sets him up for a leadership he’s always craved. He studies people, their reactions, the ways their mind works. He wants to know the details and intricacies that make up the opposing argument, as well as the structures in place that may have developed it in the first place. It’s a way for him to connect to the people he works for, so that he may understand their ways of thinking, even if he himself does not think that way.

His favourite subject is Music Theory, where he can read the steps and paths that combine into a piece of music, where he can identify how even the slightest change in a work can change the result entirely. It compares well to more high-stakes scenarios, where one wrong move may prove detrimental to a career or even a life. As with Thrawn’s subject, this can be applied to his main area of study as well.

Maul is a bit of a tricky one in this area, because on the one hand, he has a fair amount of control over a lot of people, which could point to humanities in connection to law. But I really think he’d fall into the economic/social category, and that’s because it’s more practise than theory. He would thrive well in this area, because it relies on him having an understanding of the systems in place that he has jurisdiction over or plans to have jurisdiction over. He has to be well-equipped to take on what’s already in place and reform, embrace, or deconstruct it depending on the scenario. The broad, theoretical aspect of humanities lacks action, and more focuses on the why and if it works, rather than how.

His favourite subject is some form of physical activity, likely fencing or some sort of martial art.

Vader chooses to study within the sociology umbrella for a similar reason to Maul. He requires things to be actively occurring, and as he studies the ways certain social constructs effect different civilisations, it aids in the process of absorbing them into the Empire. This is especially useful in conjunction with his Jedi experience, as he learned the sorts of problems that plagued the government as he encountered them, and is able to learn from those mistakes given his new status.

His favourite subject is going back home

Tarkin enters sociology, there’s absolutely no question. He’s a politician through and through. Demographics, statistics, and societal control is what he lives and breathes, and this is no different. It comes completely naturally to him, as it relies a computer-like mind to calculate probability and possible change (ISTJ, anyone?) in accordance with human nature. It’s not that he can read people, it’s that he can read patterns, and the common mindset of people on the same side.

His favourite subject is Classical Literature. It’s simply a hobby.

Krennic is our only science kid! The man’s an engineer, let’s face it. He’s not made for this “human interaction” stuff, and he definitely lacks the charm to thrive in political settings. No, his focus lies in the definitive answers that science and technology can give, where he isn’t left guessing what’s going to happen to him the next day if his coworkers change their minds on the fly. With science, he can use the formulas, seek the answers, and walk away satisfied. He has a mind made for problem-solving, and that lends itself best to this area.

His favourite subject is Culinary Arts. Again, it’s just a hobby.

And finally, Obi-Wan would be in the humanities department. A Jedi that leans more on the side of the philosopher and historian, he prefers to ask the questions about why people are the way they are, what histories and experiences lead people to make the choices they do, for there is always a reason, whether they know it or not. He seeks out connections to the people themselves, not just as a whole, and finds their variations as well as their similarities. He connects to people, because they find themselves trusting him when he knows so much about who they are already. He looks back on mistakes and forward to the future, and works to break cycles that only end in destruction.

His favourite subject lies in Dance, an art that mirrors the techniques found in combat, yet used in a much more elegant and civilized way. Many areas of balance that dance relies on to succeed are highlighted in combat, and he sees the space between the two as the ideal place to be when danger arises.

[hecallsmehischild]

Recent Media Consumed

Books

War Nerd by Gary Brecher. I have a lot of conflicting feelings about this book. First off, I had to try three times to read it, because the first two times I read it, I was in an emotionally unstable period, and this is NOT a book to read in emotionally unstable periods. On the third try, I blew right through it. Second thing is about the way it’s written. On the one hand, I wish all history texts were written with HALF the color and vigor and humor of this writer, because I would have retained way more information. On the other hand, it was incredibly difficult for me to come to terms with this style of angry, bitter humor combined with a worldview I can’t really understand. Which, I suppose, leads into some of my major take-aways from this book: human nature is not basically good (I already believed that, but this is a pretty good secular argument for it), human nature seems to crave war and peace is the exception, and there literally are people in the world who I will never understand no matter how hard I try because they want things that are antithetical to absolutely everything I deem important. I don’t mean minor things or even the things we all know come into conflict, like religion. I’m talking about things like peace. If you look at what peoples’ actions tell you over their words, it seems like some people (individuals AND nation groups) genuinely thrive on death and war, and that that was in fact the state of things for far longer than attempts at peace. It’s a difficult book on all fronts (except readability, it’s quite readable and certainly more enjoyable than most history texts as I’ve said), but it makes you think. I also can’t speak for how accurate this book is, but it is written by someone who clearly has a hyperfixation, so...

Inside The Robe by Katherine Mader. Judge Mader, a criminal court judge in LA County, kept a court diary throughout 2016. This book is the result of that diary, and is her attempt at giving an “insider’s view” on being a criminal court judge. She is a colorful writer with very clear descriptions and a distinctive voice. This book was a pleasure to read and gave me a better understanding of the incentives and constraints on judges through her daily vignettes.

Economic Facts and Fallacies by Thomas Sowell. I read this in the wake of my second reading of Basic Economics and thought this would be a good follow-up read. There’s a lot of overlap here, but this book delves more in-depth into some concepts that Sowell had to give less attention to in Basic Economics for the sake of providing a broader overview. As usual, there are some concepts that get a little too abstract for me to hang onto very well, but the majority of his work is very understandable and makes sense to me. I am grateful for the clarity with which he writes.

A Man of Letters by Thomas Sowell. This is actually a good accompaniment to his memoir, A Personal Odyssey. He collects several letters he wrote (and a few select ones addressed to him) to sketch his reactions to various events in his life. He has quite the dry wit. It was a treat to get a further glimpse into his life.

Books I had to drop and why

Battles of the Bible by Chaim Herzog and Mordechai Gichon. Sometimes I have to admit I made a mistake and not keep trying to force myself to spend time on a book I’m not enjoying. I thought perhaps this book would help me understand some context of the Biblical stories more, but really what this is is comprehensive step-by-step war strategy (complete with diagrams and TERRAIN MAPS) of each battle in the Old Testament. And… that’s not what I’m looking for.

The Road to Serfdom by Friedrich Hayek. I’m kind of sad about this one. Thomas Sowell has referenced Hayek reverently and I was told The Road to Serfdom would be a good read for me. Unfortunately what I’m coming to understand is that it’s very difficult for me to grasp ideas when talked about ONLY in the abstract. This is why Sowell is usually a much better read for me, because he tends toward giving concrete examples, so after about 3 chapters of barely getting what Hayek wanted to convey, I switched over to…

Marxism by Thomas Sowell. And I was also crestfallen here. From the fragments I gather, Marx (who Sowell studied extensively and followed wholeheartedly in his college days) broke things down almost exclusively to their most abstract concepts before building back toward concrete ideas and tended to look down on any economist who only examined things as they appeared. Prior to this I had some vague notion that maybe I could eventually read Marx and understand the root texts of socialism/communism, but according to Sowell, there’s a lot of pre-requisite reading involved in really understanding what Marx & Engels were talking about. He also criticized most interpreters of not bothering to do their homework on surrounding texts and that many have mangled some of Marx’s points. I was not able to make it past chapter two of this book because I was floundering pretty hard. It’s a little discouraging to feel the limits of my comprehension so sharply. I’m going to take a break with some fiction.

Video Games

Bendy and the Ink Machine. Want to talk about being late to the bandwagon? I mean, I got on the bandwagon when everyone was talking about it, but then I got through chapter 3 and there was a graphics reboot, so I started playing from the top and then kind of… dropped off? Never got past chapter 3. Finally, I felt like I was in a good place and could take the jump scares, so I blasted through the first three chapters in about a night. Then for the next couple days I played through the last two chapters. I have to say, chapter 4 is my favorite and has probably the most disturbing image that, while disturbing, was epic and fantastic in its own creepy way (merry-go-round-and-round, anybody?). I didn’t really understand the ending, but there were some interesting theories to be found on Youtube about what it all means. This was an enjoyable game for someone like me who can’t really handle high level horror and isn’t too adept with controls because it had simple controls and the horror was… toned down, I’d say. I played through Soma and I tried (and absolutely ditched) Amnesia, and Bendy is at about the level of horror I can deal with. Good game.

Confess My Love. Started and ditched it. I was very, very annoyed at the girl by five rejections. In the end, I rejected HER by uninstalling the game.

Movies

Wolfwalkers. *inarticulate noises* f-f-found family…. nnngh…. *gentle sobbing*

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @upgradebitch

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a bucket shape, with moon as the handle of the bucket. your saturn is in the 12th house, hence matters regarding your mental health and spirituality will be your priorities in this lifetime. you also have clear ideas about your future and who you want to be. even though you may have different passions and talents you’re capable of only sticking to one and mastering it, giving your all.

your dominant planets are jupiter, mercury and the sun. you are surely very smart! you have a great sense of humor, you're very witty and intelligent. you may also have lots of creative and innovative ideas, or at least you're very creative.

your dominant sign is aries. you may have a reputation for being impulsive and straight-forward. you don't like beating around the bush, especially when people purposely get on your nerves. on the other hand, you're very loyal and generous when it comes to your loved ones. you're very opinionated, and you always wanna make sure that your voice is heard. you're proud of yourself.

your dominant element is fire. you have a warm heart, even though it may be covered by your confidence and independence. in fact, you always strive for the first place. people may be intimidated by your presence, as you're a serious competitor. thanks to this competitive nature of yours you may be very positive and optimistic, making you a good and supportive friend/partner.

🌎 ascendant in virgo, 16° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and saturn

you have a practical approach to the world. you’re kind of logical, it’s hard for you to improvize. you always want to keep everything neat and organized, at least in your mind. you could have a natural coldness to your face. you may seem a bit older than you are, or at least very mature and responsible, even though you may be more outgoing than you look due to your many sagittarius placements. with your attentive eyes, you pay attention to every single detail you see. you’re a perfectionist, and you always want and try to be at your best state. I would say you’re quite competitive when it comes to your goals, but you don’t really do it to be above others. you do it because your obsession for details kind of stresses you out. improving and proving yourself is a way to boost your self-esteem, you feel fulfilled when you can achieve your goals. you are extremely intelligent and logical, you’re always up for a deep talk or simply for an occasion to gain more knowledge. you like being smart, you always want to know about everything. even the latest, trendy meme counts for you. your nature is very cautious; you’re rarely impulsive, you always think deeply about your decisions, as you don’t want to commit any mistakes. because of that, you can be particularly picky. not only with material things such as movies, books, food etc. but even with people. it’s hard for you to open up to someone you don’t know at all. you take things slow, both in friendships and in relationships, just to preserve yourself. you may come off as kind of snobby, but you’re just misunderstood. you don’t like flaky bonds, you need security in your life. physically, as I’ve already mentioned before, you have this kind of strict look on your face. your eyes may be almond-shaped, and you could have a natural feline gaze. overall, you have something smaller about your features; you could have thin lips, a small nose, small eyes… you could have a smaller frame with thin bones, and you don’t gain weight easily. you may be of average height, and I’ve noticed that most virgos tend to have pretty long legs? no matter if they’re tall or not, their legs will still be longer than their bust.

virgo ascendant opposite pisces mercury: you appear as a very intelligent individual, and people may even feel intimidated by that. you love interacting with others; even if you're not much talkative, you like hearing about others' theories and opinions. you could also do that by reading blogs, books etc. you may sometimes find yourself in conflict with others, as you’re very opinionated and hate it when others’ opinions are baseless. pretty much, you could seem like a know-it-all. on the other hand, you have a nice sense of humor, you're able to light up the room with your words, even though this quality of yours may be overshadowed by introversion at first. it's hard to find a way to make you come off as more gentle, as you have some of the most fiery and blunt signs in your chart. the fact that your mercury is squaring your pluto doesn't help either. you could take advantage of your astute words and sense of humor to get you out of troubles, though! just be careful not to claim that everything hurtful you say is a joke. it's something that aries placements do a lot.

virgo ascendant square gemini saturn: you may be shy and have self-esteem issues, especially during your early years. because of that, you may often appear as insecure to others, or even unreliable. you have a strong desire to be with someone and commit to them, you despise supertificial bonds, but at the same time you may find yourself being too shy to approach others, especially during your early years. luckily, I feel like the effect of this aspect is mitigated by your moon in leo, which makes you extremely confident. you may not be the most confident person on earth, but you're not the most insecure either. this may apply more to the younger you, actually. you don't feel much comfortable around other people, and others can sense that; your insecurity is exposed to the world, and some may take advantage of that to hurt your feelings. you're afraid of being judged, whether it's for your appearance, or maybe because of your ideals or interests. hence, you end up becoming reserved. this is something that will be solved through growth and time; the older you get, the easier you'll be on yourself. also, thanks to this aspect, you're a responsible person with defined values. to cope with this placement, I'd suggest you to do what makes you feel the best. there are different ways to boost your self-esteem, so maybe you can work on that and then start expressing yourself freely; if you do it without the fear of being judged, you will shine even more.

virgo ascendant square sagittarius pluto: you're aware that the world is too nasty for your honesty, hence you may have trust issues. even though you are friendly, you're very picky about who you decide to actually call your friend. you may constantly feel lonely, as if no one were willing to listen and understand you. you live with the fear that others may take advantage of you, hence you end up doing it yourself, unconsciously. you may be controlling, but your chart hints that it's not too much of a big deal. you may have the tendency to do it sometimes, but it's mostly a bad trait of your past life. the universe is testing you to see if you've learned your lesson or not. you have all the skills to avoid this type of behaviour now that you're aware of it.

🌞 sun in aries, 4° / 1st decan ruled by mars

even though you enjoy the idea of love and relationships, your independency is what matters the most for you. you possess strong leadership, which makes you aspire for the best positions in work, school, marriage etc. you don't want to lower your standards. aries have the reputation of being fearless, and that's mainly caused by their impulsiveness. in fact, if they actually thought before acting, they wouldn't be aries lol. some people may even define you as selfless, as you literally put yourself in danger or in awkward situations just to say what you truly think, even if nobody asked. it's apart of your nature, you don't want to go unnoticed. you probably lose your temper when someone challenges you (and it may happen often, to be honest). you hate routine; you always try to spice up your daily life a bit by meeting new people and trying new experiences in general. you enjoy having fun, partying, travelling... you thrive in social situations. you may have troubles making right decisions, as you're quite indecisive. but, once you do choose, no one is gonna stop you from achieving your goals and showing the world who you are. in fact, you gain confidence from your assertiveness, making you pretty proud of your persona as well.

aries sun square cancer jupiter: this is a hard aspect, which could make you feel even more proud of yourself due to your fire dominance. you may feel like the universe is constantly against you, especially with your pessimistic virgo rising. you may feel unlucky, or even overindulge in things you like to cope with sadness or anger. you may have the tendency to overeat, buy useless things etc. you go from having a low self-esteem, to even looking very bossy without even realizing it. you struggle to keep your identity balanced, even though you might have not been aware of it at first. to achieve fortune and joy in life, you need to work hard for it. to do so, you have to learn your karmic lessons in this lifetime, which probably revolve around family issue and their impact on your interactions with others.

🌙 moon in leo, 21° / 3rd decan ruled by the sun and mars

when you're with someone you feel comfortable with, you become a social butterfly. even though it may seem like you're looking for attention, it's not your priority. you're so charismatic and bubbly that you get naturally noticed. this is the most trustworthy leo decan, and also the most benevolent. you can be quite dramatic when you express your reactions; e.g. you scream when you're angry, or maybe you get really loud when you're excited or happy about something. you could also vent your emotions punching things, for example. just like the sun, the heat of your emotions needs to be felt by those who surround you. you'd do anything to help someone, especially with your aries sun. you just want the best for anyone, even though people may take advantage of this generosity of yours. in addition, you could hardly ever say no, especially to people you're not close to. your heart is aligned with your feelings; you're naturally kind-hearted, you're prone to say things as you feel them. on the other hand, you may not be aware of how your thoughts may influence others. you're also very artistic! you might be into drawing/painting, or at least into art history, or maybe literature, poetry etc. anything that involves creativity and self-expresssion. you can be quite egotistic regarding your emotions: you always try to interpret people's feelings, so you get deeply upset when people don't understand you, especially when they don't even try.

leo moon square taurus mars: your feelings are very intense. you may tend to react aggressively, or at least overreact. you feel the constant need to express your emotions, but you also want to be understood by others. you tend to be aggressive because you're actually afraid that others may be the first ones to hurt you. you don't really do it with malice, it's your way to defend yourself from eventual enemies. this placement also indicates that your childhood / family life was or will be quite turbulent, especially since your pluto is located in the 4th house, which is about family and home. to cope with this placement, I'd suggest you to be a little bit more mechanic when you express your feelings. you don't have to hide them, just try not to vent all your anger around. you don't seem strong, you're just exposing your weaknesses in this way.

🗣 mercury in pisces, 22° / 3rd decan ruled by neptune and pluto

you have the potential to be very focused on something thanks to your virgo rising, but your heavy pisces influence may interfer in that. in fact, you probably lose yourself in your own thoughts very often, starting daydreaming instead of doing what you have to do. you’re very creative and artistic, and you’re also able to fully convey your emotions in your words, even though it may be perceived as confusing sometimes. that’s because not everyone is as empathetic as you are. on the other hand, you may have the tendency to lie, or just being confusing in any way. you may not always express what you want crystal clear, as you want to able to modify the story just in case you encounter some hardships. also, you never truly express your feelings, probably out of fear. probably, the way you elaborate your thoughts is also influenced by your family and the impact they had on you. you’re always vague, and you keep your private matters for yourself. pisces is a mutable sign, so you may also find yourself changing ideas often, your mind wanders from one thought to another. you are very intuitive, and you may even have some sort of psychic talent. you could do well at reading tarots, birth charts etc. your voice is probably naturally loud, it's hard not to listen to you. also, since your mercury is squaring pluto, you could be quite impulsive sometimes and say things you actually don't mean. you could argue often with others due to this trait of yours, you get defensive very easily. on the other hand, you most likely have a nice sense of humor at least.

pisces mercury square sagittarius pluto: you may become a bit manipulative. you probably don’t even realize it, though, as you have the ability to make people do what you want them to do. you probably love being right, especially during arguments, and you always manage to be so thanks to your skills. your words are like knives for others, they can truly cut deep through their ego. you’re direct and blunt, as you just say what you have in mind with no filters. you can develop a provocative attitude without even realizing it, which can obviously cause you conflicts. you need to be more careful about how you communicate your ideas, otherwise you could seriously damage other people’s self-esteem. on the other hand, if you acknowledge your flaws and work on them, this can actually turn into diplomacy. take advantage of your interest in your inner self to find out how to be a bit more gentle in choosing your words.

❤️ venus in aries, 21° / 3rd decan ruled by mars and jupiter

with venus in aries, loving you is an adventure. you enjoy fun, exciting relationships. you're the type who's looking for a risktaker, even dangerous partner. you hate boredom, and this may be your weakness regarding this placement; that is, once the relationship starts getting more serious, you feel as if it's going down, when it's actually the opposite. hence, you just run towards a new adventure. this placement may even give you the reputation of being a player, but I don't think it's your case based on your others placements. you have to understand that relationships can get boring, but that's not necessarily a red flag. it just means you two are starting to feel comfortable together. you also enjoy physical contact, therefore cold partners are a no no for you. you need someone who's affectionate yet bold, and that would spoil you with attention and gifts. you enjoy the little things about love, such as remembering your anniversary or even giving you small presents, especially if they're homemade (like breakfast, poems etc.). you also try to avoid flaky people, as you don't like making relationships seem too light.

☄️ mars in taurus, 16° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and mercury

with taurus mars, you may actually despise working too much. you love challenging your mind, but you're kind of lazy. you'd rather stimulate yourself through your hobbies and interests rather than using school / work, which are quite stressful for you. you need to find something material and concrete to motivate you and make you assertive. you could study just because you need a good grade, or maybe work just to get paid. you don't really do it with interest, as you care more about nurturing your passions than responsibilities. you're not really into conflicts; you'd rather be peaceful with everyone, as you find it a waste time to argue with someone. most taurus mars tend to be quite passive, yet I don't think it's your case. I imagine that with your heavy fire energy, you've got a hot temper. you may try to avoid conflicts, but once someone gets on your nerves it's over for them. you're very unpredictable from this point of view, it's hard to decipher you. you may be more verbally assertive than physically, though.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in virgo. you appear as someone intelligent, possibly judgmental and critical. in fact, you’re a perfectionist, and most of the time you appreciate it when someone takes care of themselves just as much as you do. you’re also particularly pessimistic, and this could be annoying for those around you. you’re very logical, even though you probably don't lack intuition thanks to all the water energy in your chart. you’re very pragmatic, and you may even be judgmental. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 7th house: you come off as a very outgoing, sociable person. you may be quite sensitive, or at least you care about what others think of you, you could need reassurance often. you probably love having people around you, and you also want to build your own family in the future.

your 2nd house is in libra. you find beauty and aesthetic in material things; you most probably love clothes, art, music… anything that isn’t exactly a priority in life, but that allows you to express your personal taste, which is very refined. with this placement I’d suggest that you should pursue a career that allows you to express your creativity, as arts and beauty allow you not only to make money, but also to increase your security and confidence. you could also spend money in venusian things like clothes, make-up, decorations and anything that involves beauty and aesthetic. with mars placed in this house, I feel like you may be very fond of money. you could do something just to earn material things from it, like money or any other good that satisfies your wants. you may be quite materialistic, you enjoy the finer things in life, or at least you want to be financially stable. you like the idea of saving money, but ironically you may be too impulsive when it comes to finances and spend money in random things you may not need.

your 3rd house in scorpio. you probably love witty jokes and sarcasm. you’re extremely honest when you think and speak, and most of the times you have no problems expressing your opinions. you could possibly be very good with words and be good at convincing and manipulating others. usually this placement makes someone kind of mischievous when it comes to words, but I think that with all the jupiter influence in your chart, you’re able to control this in order not to hurt others. your mind is very deep, you’re probably not really into small talks. you may also love anything that is considered taboo, like astrology, horror, nudity, death… you’re also quite secretive, you’re seen as an enigma. you don’t want to share much about you. last but not least, you value honesty above all. you only speak the truth, and hence you also want it back. you may as well be into conspiracy theories, science and anything that can expose what’s behind the universe, the government etc.

your 4th house is in sagittarius, with also pluto placed in this house. you could come from a foreign place, or perhaps you moved houses a lot during your childhood. perhaps, you have someone in your family that is from a different culture or religion from yours, or perhaps they’re able to speak more than one language. your parents could have been very successful at school, they could actually be professors. you might’ve always been a smart kid, you could’ve grown up learning more languages and you were most likely good at school too. you also got to make lots of experiences during your childhood, you might have travelled a lot. your relationship with your family is most likely very good. it could be that there might have been a few misunderstandings between you and your parents, but nothing too serious. maybe, they could have been a bit distant, it could be that they had to travel a lot for work and hence you felt lonely; or maybe, it's the opposite, they were a bit too affectionate and overwhelming, possibly possessive too, and you may have been babied or spoiled a bit too much. yet, this didn't really affect your growth and mentality, so it's probably nothing important.

your 5th house is in the sign of capricorn, with also your neptune placed there. capricorn usually brings a feeling of seriousness to the house it’s in. I don’t think it’s your case, though. in fact, neptune, is also placed in this house. you could be a bit more introverted, probably you’re not the type to frequent clubs, parties, etc. you’re more serious from that point of view. your hobbies could actually drain your energy for you; let’s suppose you’re into videogames. you could literally spend the whole day playing videogames, as you take your hobbies very seriously. you’re not the type to start a project and then leave it, and it could be helpful considering that your sagittarius moon gets bored very easily, you’re very resolute. also, you most likely have 'mature’ hobbies; you could be into politics, economy, history… you could be into slower types of music, for example, or perhaps you like reading about world issues. with your children you may be quite strict, as you see them as a responsibility. also, you may often be attracted or attract older or more mature partners. you’re most likely a very romantic and artistic person, you may be fond of music, dancing, singing, acting… anything creative that stimulates your senses. yet, you may be a bit picky when it comes to hobbies; you probably only like reading specific types of books, you only listen to a certain music style, and so on. you may also be into spirituality such as psychology, astrology, law of attraction, yoga, mediation, etc.

your 6th house is in aquarius, uranus is also sitting there. people with aquarius in their 6th house need to change their routine throughout your life. probably, when you were you younger they taught you things that aren’t healthy for your body and health. you may have to change your diet, your medicines… also, you may sometimes procrastinate in your day-to-day life. I don’t think you do it too often, but it may still happen due to your virgo and mars dominance in your chart, but for example you wouldn’t mind skipping a day of school or work to play videogames. this placement also indicates that you may often come across unpredictable events in your daily life. you may often see strange, unordinary things, or perhaps it’s your routine that is like that. you may lack consistency when it comes to diets and health, for example; you may start a diet and keep it for a month, then you get tired and drop it all of a sudden. you could also develop unexpected diseases. you may pursue a career that looks unexpected for you at first, something that you never thought you'd do. it will most likely be a creative, artistic job. it will be a very pleasant job, it won’t even feel like a duty to you as you’ll choose a job that you like and that you’re passionate about. regarding your health, throughout your life you may often come across sudden health problems, illnesses may come out of nowhere.

your 7th house is in pisces. your mercury and sun are also sitting in this house. with this pisces descendant, you attract people that are pretty much very intuitive and soft; they could have pisces placements, or at least they’ll be extremely artistic and emotional. yet, you may as well surround yourself with 'broken’ people. that is, people that aren’t exactly in the best state of their health, whether physically or mentally. neptune, the ruler of this house, is in the 5th house. you could meet them in a fun situation, like a party, a vacation, a night out… any situation where you’re supposed to be chilling and having fun, you may meet your future spouse there. also, in a relationship you probably hate feeling suffocated. while your pisces descendant may make you enjoy skinship, you may sometimes also need your space, you still need your freedom, especially since your sun and venus sign is aries. also, pisces makes you idealize your crushes/partners way too much, to the point that you create an image of someone in your head that turns out to be the opposite at the end. you ignore your partner’s flaws, as they seem perfect to you. aries people are usually too independent, they tend to be quite selfish and neglect relationships, but luckily having your personal planets in your 7th house balances everything out. in fact, you are more considerate of people than other people, you like sharing time with others without losing your individuality.

your 8th house is in aries, with also venus placed there. generally, people with aries in their 8th house are very confident when it comes to taboo topics; they have no problems showing their interest in them, especially with people they're intimate with. thanks to venus' presence in this house, you're not afraid of darker topics and embracing them. for example, you could have lots of sex drive. you constantly try to improve yourself by coming up with new projects, you love challenges. they help you growing up into the person you want to become. you may come across some hardships regarding yourself, your identity. but, when you face those fears and start loving yourself, you’ll naturally become more mature and 'transform’. you have very high standards when it comes to love. you're a passionate, loyal lover, but at the same times you also want and need a lover that is willing to go as far as you go with your feelings. you may often test your partner to see if they're worthy of your love, for example. you have this sort of self-destructive behaviour that makes people stressed, just because you have extreme trust issues and you feel the need to control everyone, especially if 'everyone' is your lover. you find yourself being more attracted to 'darker' types; that is, you may be into bad boys / girls, someone with an edgy / grunge aesthetic. last but not least, this placement can also indicate that you're going to have a peaceful death, you're going to die later in life.

your 9th house is in taurus, with also saturn and mars sitting there. with this placement, I feel like you may use your intellect to gain financial security and material possessions. while this is a good thing, as it helps increasing your confidence, don’t forget that your intellect is more important than money or any other thing. don’t underestimate it. you’re totally capable of learning and understanding things by yourself, hence don’t wait for others for help. you should start dealing with your own experiences alone, without anybody else’s help. this placement can also be someone a little close-minded; in fact, you're probably very stubborn and firm about your beliefs. you hardly ever allow others to change your mind. saturn here could make it hard for you to step out of your comfort-zone, you may be shy and therefore you could often miss out on important opportunities in your life. luckily, you're going to get more assertive as time goes by, and you will feel free, you just need to grow more mature. you are driven by a strong sense of justice that makes you want to discover the truth. you hate lies of any kind, you want sincerity from those around you and you're the first to be constantly honest. you value your freedom a lot, your life motto is most likely 'live and let live'. you think everyone should live their lives by their own standards, without feeling afraid of being judged or criticized. you're a very pure and genuine person, you hardly ever judge a book by its cover, and you're also extremely open-minded. you're thirsty for knowledge of any kind, you're always up to learn something new. you may also be interested in foreign languages and cultures, as well as philosophy, literature... anything that can teach you something new about the world.

your 10th house is in gemini, with also your jupiter there. you may actually pursue more than one career throughout your life! you’re very flexible and skilled at multi-tasking, so you probably wouldn’t feel stressed about it. perhaps, you could alternate a creative profession with a more logical career, like working in an office for example. also, your suitable jobs should include communication and creativity at the same time; you could be a writer, for example. or perhaps, you could keep these two things in two separate jobs. what matters is that you use words in both of them, and hence you could even be a judge, a singer, a translator, etc. you may also have to interact with other people in your job, I don't see you working from home for example. you could even work as a teacher, or even professor since your jupiter is strongly placed in your chart. you may also be very popular on your work place, and you may even be in the public eye for your job. last but not least, you may have to travel for your job, perhaps you work abroad or you need to deal with foreign people and cultures. you may also need to speak other languages for work.

your 11th house is in cancer. this placement indicates that your friends, they’re your comfort-zone. you feel understood when you’re with them, they’re pretty much like a family to you. you can tell them anything, you put all of your trust in them. or at least, if you haven’t met anyone like this yet, you’ll surely meet a friend that is like a soulmate to you. they’ll also be very important for your growth. in addition, it could also be that you’re still friends with someone from your childhood or even high school days, and hence you could literally grow up together. you could also have some step-siblings. you could also have very big goals you want to achieve in your life, probably since your childhood. as a result, you may end up pursuing your dream career for instance.

lastly, your 12th house is in leo. this is kind of a tricky placement, as leo rules the self, the ego, and the 12th house rules fears. you could be afriad of being too confident, of feeling worth it, or even just by being in the spotlight. perhaps, you have stage fright. this fear of embracing your persona makes you very insecure, even though you probably don’t show it. also, since your 12th house is the house of dreams, you could often make dreams that involve yourself. you hardly ever dream of someone else, and if you they’re probably your lovers, possibly your friends. you may also make daydreams or sleeping dreams of creative, utopic scenarios. the moon is also sitting there; you most likely have lots of dreams, that could even predict the future, and generally they're not too violent or turbulent. you’re hopelessly romantic, to the point that you almost look naive. you’re not simply looking for a partner or spouse, you’re looking for a soulmate; someone you can literally communicate with just using your eyes, someone that knows how to make you feel even messier on the inside. you like to nurture and feel nurtured in a relationship. your ideal lover would be sensitive and empathetic, yet still with a sort of rebel vibe to them. you have quite a vivid imagination, you're able to idealize and picture anything you want. while this placement gives you an incredible amount of creativity, it can also make you uncomfortable. in fact, you may actually find yourself imagining every detail of every situation, even the worst ones. let's suppose you hear of a rape at the news; you literally start imagining the scene detail by detail, and it makes you extremely uncomfortable. actually, it literally ruins your mood, as it's as if you actually lived that scene. going back to the creativity matter, you have the soul of an artist; you have very enhanced emotions, and you're able to express them through artistic outlets. you could be amazing at writing poetry, books, art, music... also, your particular empathy of human's intellect can also make you an amazing psychologist or actress, as you're able to understand others' feelings and make them your own. you're extremely spiritual, and if you don't feel like that, you just have yet to have your spiritual awakening.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract pisces, virgo, gemini, leo, capricorn and aquarius placements. your future spouse will most likely have some of their planets in virgo or leo, maybe a leo-virgo cusp; they’ll be well-balanced, with a stable job and finances. yet, they won’t be too much of a workaholic, as they’re also most probably a chill individual who loves relax and vacation as well. they could also be foreign and very open-minded. yet, they could be quite impulsive and chilidish at times. your chart points out that this relationship will be kind of unordinary; you may meet them abroad, most likely at work, or even during a simple trip. they’ll also be very spiritual, perhaps religious, or even psychic. you could meet them at night, maybe in a club for example, or even in a context related to death. your children will have capricorn and pisces placements: they’ll be extremely reliable and intelligent; they could be a bit rebellious during their early years, but they will become more mature as time goes by. they'll be very creative and quite sensitive too.

👶🏻 family life

your mother was probably very outgoing, sociable and open-minded. she was probably very intelligent too, and she could have been a successful student. she was basically the perfect, nurturing mother. yet, she probably was too emotional, she could have even been quite possessive or moody. she probably has sagittarius, scorpio and / or cancer placements in her chart, as well as 9th, 8th and 4th house placements. your father, on the other hand, was probably less strict than your mother. he had a complex personality, he most likely used to act different based on the situation he was in. but you most likely used to play a lot with him, you had fun together. he could have been very sociable and intelligent too. he may have gemini, sagittarius, scorpio or virgo placements in his chart, as well as 3rd and 6th house placements, perhaps even 9th. if you have siblings, they have scorpio or aries placements in their chart, as well as 1st / 8th house placements. you might have fought a lot when you were young, there were many control issues and your bond is very intense. yet, you're still very affectionate, and your bond will probably get better as time goes by.

📊 career

as I've already mentioned above, your future career will most likely involve communication of any kind; you could have to interact with other people, and hence you may work in a place that allows you to communicate with others and that can get quite crowded, like a shop for example. you'll most likely start from these small jobs, like working in a cafe for example. yet, your gemini midheaven indicates that you can handle way stronger careers; above all, communication and creativity are the most indicated fields for you to be successful. you would do amazing as a writer for example, or perhaps you could even become an amazing teacher / professor. yet, you may even choose to pursue a more complex career, like a career in the med field. you could become a nurse for example, as it allows you to both help and communicate with other people. you will start from simple things, but as time goes by, you'll be able to become more independent, maybe even a leader. you probably won't have to depend too much on other people.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

you probably love clothes that can show and enhance your body. you may love wearing crop tops, skirts, bralettes, shorts... anything that leaves a part of your body uncovered, yet that still looks elegant and classy. you could also enjoy baggy clothes, paired with fancy accessories and heels. for colors, you go from wearing bold colours like red, burgundy and neon, to darker shades like black, dark blue etc. you probably also love neutral shades, like kaki, beige and so on.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past existence, you were very in touch with your home, self, and probably marriage too. overall, your past life was very peaceful, especially when it comes to your family. this lifetime, though, you need to focus on letting the world know who you are. you have to build a reputation for your name and feel satisfied with your career, while still taking care of your family.

🤔 major transits analysis / june 20th

a few unpredictable, possibly painful events may occur in this period of time, as transit saturn in aquarius is in your 5th house conjunct your natal neptune. there could be an unexpected loss of money for example, a sudden breakup or argument or even death. something will happen that will surely change your view of things and will help you have a major transformation, in order to leave toxicity behind. mars is transiting your 11th house, therefore you could be arguing a lot with others lately, especially with your friends, so be careful to your words in these days.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

and this is it! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

[khunfounded]

Got Me In Check

[This was done for the wonderful @tower-of-chess collab!]

It was the late afternoon, sunshine pouring in through the dorm’s cloudy windows, and Khun was pretending to pay attention to his online probabilistic graphic models lecture while actually watching BEST 2 HOUR LONG FUNNY CAT COMPILATION  in another browser. It didn’t matter anyways, he was already ahead in all of his work, and he could answer the professor’s questions without even paying attention.

Cats were a much more important endeavor anyways.

Suddenly, the door slammed open, and his roommate, Bam, came racing towards him. His golden eyes were filled with desperation, and he was panting as if he had just run a marathon. It was unfair how Bam could pull off the hot and sweaty look (with emphasis on the hot) whilst Khun was stuck with frizzy hair and blotchy cheeks anytime he went sprinting across campus.

“Khun, I’m in trouble!” Bam wailed, hands gripping the armrests of his roommate’s chair, “I need your help”.

Khun’s eyes widened with concern, “Are you okay? What’s wrong? What can I do?”

If this was another Rachel problem, Khun swore to god he was actually going to stab her this time. He couldn’t put up with how easily she manipulated his friend, leading him around by the ear. Bam insisted that she was a good person, but her actions showed the exact opposite. What kind of person constantly gaslit and negged their friends? Khun knew the answer. An absolute asshole, that’s who.

But instead of what he expected, what came out of his friend’s mouth was, “I need you to teach me how to play chess!”

What.

“What?” Khun asked incredulously. 

Bam must have realized how he sounded, because he pulled away and tilted his head down to hide a prominent blush. He bit his lip and mumbled something incoherent.

As adorable as that was, it really wasn’t helping Khun’s confusion, “I didn’t quite catch that”.

Bam looked back up and his face got even more red, the blush spreading to the tips of his ears. He fidgeted with the loose strand of his t-shirt and cleared his throat.

“You know how I’ve been wanting to make more friends?” Bam hedged.

Khun did. Bam was a social butterfly, he needed friends to thrive, but ever since they moved away for college, he had been having trouble making them. Khun’s heart ached whenever he saw Bam looking longingly at groups of people messing around and laughing on the campus green. He and Bam were best friends, and they spent almost all of their free time together, but Khun knew that that wasn’t enough. He had no idea why Bam wasn’t surrounded by people at all times, honestly. His natural charisma could fell even the most stoic man. Though maybe he was a little biased.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“And you know how you suggested that I join some clubs to meet people?” Bam didn’t stop to let him answer, voice going a mile a minute like it did whenever he was emotional, “Well I met a really cool group of people, and their club president invited me to join and I said yes”.

Khun could guess where this was going.

“But?”

Bam covered his face with his hands and groaned before answering, “I said yes without realizing that it was the chess club. I don’t know how to play chess! But I already agreed and I don’t wanna flake out and I really, really want to be friends with them”.

Bam lifted up his head and grabbed Khun’s hands, pulling them to his chest. Khun’s heart rate tripled. That probably wasn’t good. But, hey, he wasn’t a physio major, what would he know?

“I had no idea what to do but then I remembered that I know the smartest person ever, and if anyone would be able to help me it would be him”.

“You’re just saying that to butter me up,” Khun chuckled.

“Please?” Bam pouted, “For me?”

Oh god, how could he say no to that? Curse Bam for knowing that he was Khun’s ultimate weakness. He sighed.

“You’re lucky that I used to play chess with Ran, otherwise you’d be screwed”.

Bam let go of his hands, doing a fist pump in excitement, “Yes! Thank you so much!”

“But next time we go get pho, you’re footing the bill”.

They decided to get started later that evening, borrowing a chess board from the desk assistant and bringing it to their floor’s rec room. Luckily, the only other people there were Wangnan and Quaetro, who were busy trying to murder each other in Mario Kart, and Hwaryun, who was working on her laptop. Khun assumed that she was editing a video for her terrifyingly popular conspiracy theory youtube channel. He and Bam sat on the floor in the corner of the room, far enough away that Quaetro’s evil laughter was a bearable volume.

Khun took out the pieces and placed them on the chess board, explaining each of them as he went. Bam was looking at him intently, eyes full of interest. Khun had to avert his gaze just so he could be able to focus and not turn into an incoherent mess. He fondly reminisced about the days long past when he was able to pull off being aloof and cool. Bam had left his reputation in ruins.

When he got to the Queen, he said, “She can move in any straight direction as far as possible as long as she does not move through any of her own pieces. She is the most powerful piece of the game, so use her wisely”.

“So she’s like Khun!” Bam grinned brightly.

“What do you mean?” Khun asked, rubbing his thumb against the edge of the Black Queen.

Bam reached out and took the White Queen, cradling it in his palm and smiling softly, “You’re the most important, too”.

Khun felt his cheeks heat up. Was this flirting? Was Bam flirting with him? No, of course not, that wouldn’t make any sense. There was no way it could be possible, but how the hell else could he interpret that?

Khun had long accepted the fact that his crush on his best friend was hopeless and would never be reciprocated, but lately things kept happening that made it impossible for him to not get his hopes up. Bam had always been affectionate, but it had increased ten fold in the last few months. When they sat on Khun’s bed (which Bam always claimed was far superior to his own) and binged youtube videos together, Bam would cuddle right up against him like a content cat.

Once, when Bam had had a particularly long day at work, he had walked straight into Khun’s arms and just held him for several minutes, tears of exhaustion seeping into Khun’s shirt. Afterwards, they had sat close together on the dorm room floor and Bam spilled out all his frustration and anxiety, fidgeting with Khun’s hand the whole time.

Sometimes, when they were walking downtown together, Bam would just take Khun’s hand and intertwine their fingers, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He wouldn’t even stop his excited rambling, just continuing on as if nothing had happened.

But something had happened between them, and Khun needed to find out what or he was going to go insane.

And in this moment, he decided that, fuck it, two could play at that game.

“So does that mean you’re my King?” He asked, smiling when Bam’s eyes widened and he ducked his head.

“If you’ll have me,” Bam murmured, biting his lip.

Were they still talking about chess? Khun wasn’t sure.

“How could I say no to that?” He said just as softly, before clearing his throat and picking up the White King, “Anyways, the King can only move one square in any direction, and he can never move himself into check”.

The moment was successfully derailed, but the electric charge of something was still in the air, even as Khun led Bam through some easy strategies.

“Now, you should make sure that you focus on the center four squares of the board,” he guided Bam, “Whoever dominates those dominates the game”.

Bam’s eyebrows scrunched up, and Jesus, why was he so cute? It should be illegal. Put him away for life.

“Okay,” he told Bam, “When you can get into a draw with me, that’s when you’re ready”.

And so began Bam’s week-long training, which he said was more intense than anything he’d ever done at Jinsung’s dojo. It was also much harder on Khun’s side, to hold himself back from absolutely decimating his friend in three moves, which Bam made sure to make fun of him for.

“I think it’s cute!” he said, “You’re trying so hard just to help me”.

“I’m not cute,” he grumbled as he took Bam’s Rook out of spite.

The entire thing was a learning experience for both of them. Bam was learning how to play chess, and Khun was learning that Bam had absolutely terrifying game rage. His eyes practically crackled with electricity and Khun heard him cuss more times in those few days than he had in his entire time of knowing him. Baby Khun would be distraught, but Adult Khun was kind of into it.

“Fuck!” Bam cursed when Khun got him in check, startling the sleeping burrito Laure, and making Khun burst out laughing. Bam stuck his tongue out and flicked Khun’s Queen, toppling her over. 

Khun moved the chess pieces back a few moves, and guided Bam’s hand to moving the Knight in a way that would have trapped him.

“This is where you went wrong,” he said, “Your instinct is good for your dancing, but you need to plan ahead with chess”.

But Bam didn’t seem to be paying attention. In fact, his eyes were glued to where their hands were touching. Khun jolted back when he realized what he had done, but Bam took his hand before he could move away, shifting so he was holding it. Khun died a little, but he was pretty sure he didn’t let it show. Relatively sure. Kind of.

They managed to play with their hands together, but Khun’s brain was mush. That was when Bam finally got a draw. Khun would have protested, but that would mean admitting why he was distracted.

As Bam was cheering and texting Isu that he was coming to the next meeting, Khun put away their pieces, trying not to feel loss. Bam didn’t need him anymore, at least not for this. He had always known it wasn’t permanent, but a part of him had hoped it would last a little longer. Khun bit his lip.

“Hey, Khun?” Bam said, voice still brimming with excitement.

“Yeah?” his voice sounded hollow. Damnit.

“I was wondering if you wanted to come, too? I just thought, you’re really good at it, and I think you’d like everyone there, and I want you to be friends with my friends”.

Khun blinked. He blurted out his answer before he could even think.

“Yeah. Yes, I would love that”.

Bam grinned, face lit up like the sun.

He reached over, hands gently cupping Khun’s face, and brought him in close. So close they were breathing the same air. Bam’s smile turned soft and he nuzzled their noses together before his sunshine eyes flickered down to Khun’s lips.

Oh god, was this happening? It was happening. Oh god. Khun’s brain stuttered and broke down. There was never a time in his short, short life where he thought that this would ever be possible, that Bam would ever think of him in this way. But Khun had always been a selfish person, he wasn’t going to take this gift for granted.

He leaned in, bridging the gap, and then they were kissing over the chess board and it was everything. Bam hummed into it, pecking Khun’s lips once, twice, three times. Khun tugged him in and kissed him for all he was worth, knocking the chess pieces over in the process. After one last kiss, Bam pulled away, giggling.

“You’re the best boyfriend ever, Khun!”

[viktorhargreves]

some thoughts i have on the s2 promo stills

I think Ben is appearing either in a dream or to someone other than Klaus. The reason I believe this is the color composition for the shot and the framing. The Umbrella Academy is a dark show. Literally. And the season two promo pictures are no different from season one. Why the sudden departure from this? Promotional photos directly from the source (i.e. the production department) usually are not put through filters so this is how it will be shown in the show. So why the brightness? I think it’s either a dream or revelation (you know the cheesy trope where the sunlight streams in and someone finally pieces things together) or maybe it’s a vision that someone has of Ben. Contenders for this? No idea. But judging from the body that’s strung up on the ceiling (yeah, I didn’t forget that part) it could be Vanya. Or I could be totally wrong. Either way, the body does hint towards Klaus’ telekinesis, something he has in the comics that we have yet to see in the show (besides the suitcase debacle). 

We know that Five is the last to be sent to the 60′s so if he’s stuck in a new time with no one around what does he do? Find a mannequin and make a new friend (or something more). Maybe what we are seeing is him about to home-wreck this bitch and steal little miss blue-dress here. Or maybe he’s looking back at a different character... the villains of this season perhaps? Or maybe The Handler makes a comeback? Either way, he looks cautious and if he is looking at someone less than savory then the set up we see could be set up to mock him rather than a harmless department store display.

The paper reads: “S.J.C.C. asks... Have you experienced DISCRIMINATION by your employeer?” Not much comes up in Google for a look into who S.J.C.C. could be but I personally am SYKED to see The Umbrella Academy hopefully tackle race issues. Especially at this time in the world, it could be what people need. Also a new hairstyle for Allison which I love. I personally hope Allison is thriving but this is the 60′s and even though The Civil Rights Act was signed in ‘64, there was no across-the-board stop of segregation at once. I hope for her sake she stays safe.

Again, we know that Five is the last one to arrive. Perhaps he gathers them all to this place to tell them about the newest apocalyptic event about to take place. But a barn? Not sure why. Everyone else is dressed in back, however, even Klaus which is very telling that something is wrong. Allison has lost the hair bump (she was probably just wearing it to fit in). Luther has a beard which is very telling as well because the only other time that we have seen him with one is when he woke up from his surgery (supposedly after a long period of time) so if it was in his control he would shave it off to be the good little soldier that dad made him. Maybe being stranded in Texas in the 60′s made him depressed like we saw towards the end of season one or maybe he just wants to live a little. Diego’s outfit looks very similar to his vigilante outfit in season one but with what looks like either shoulder pads or a hoodie. This could be one of two things: he is still a vigilante using his powers for good, or he works a job like construction or something similar judging by the cross-chest harness. And Vanya. Look’s like she’s wearing a suit jacket. Peak gay. No further comment. 

GOOD GOD!!!  What to say, what to say. As it’s been pointed out already by many other users, Ben. Is. Holding. Keys. That means he is corporeal and has a physical body. Whether this is for a short period of time like when he punches Klaus in season one or if this marks the beginning of a new era of Ben-filled The Umbrella Academy is unknown. Klaus is a fashion icon. That much we been knew. Although, his beard is longer than the promo pictures despite being in the same outfit. Longer than the picture above too. I’m excited for this scene regardless of what it is about, but if I had to guess: Klaus is motioning for Ben to give the keys to him. The car broke down. Klaus gets out and tries to fix it by popping the hood, only he knows nothing about cars. He gets angry and throws the keys. Ben catches them. Klaus is then irritated and asks for them back. That’s just my take. Klaus looks like he’s smiling but it could be the natural face a person makes when they are squinting from the sun (this is Texas and those are sunglasses (also water is wet)).

#justgirlythings. Vanya is the only one who seems uncomfortable, also where are Klaus’s shoes? If you look in the background it appears this isn’t a salon as you would guess on the first look but rather someone’s house. Maybe this is a way to time travel without Five? Or some other sci-fi device like the shoot that Cha-Cha and Hazel used in season one to get their orders. Either way, there is a lot more going on here than we know from first looking and I wouldn’t put it past anyone that this is an important still to remember and keep in mind.

Iron Man references aside (thank you Justin Min), look at her entire body posture and language. Clenched jaw, clenched fists, forehead straining, eyes closed but not clenched like the others, neck straining. Vanya appears to be in the middle of nowhere so maybe she’s testing her powers? Last time we saw her testing her powers it was in the middle of the woods with Leonard so maybe this will be a good parallel. What else to do in the 60′s when you’re stranded than to try out your superpowers that you just remembered a few days ago?

Vanya! Is! Happy! She is definitely smiling and looks genuinely more happy than she did with Leonard in any event. The blonde woman is Marin Ireland who plays a character “Sissy”. Variety and Netflix have stated that Sissy is "a fearless, no-nonsense mom from Texas who married young for all the wrong reasons". Maybe, and I’m just spit-balling here, she married young because of internalized and outward homophobia that is probably rampant in the 60′s and in Texas. She meets Vanya and the two begin a relationship. Friends? Lovers? More? Vanya’s right hand is either on a gear shift (manual transmission i.e. stick shift cars were much more common in the 60′s than now) or on Sissy’s knee. I like the idea of her resting her hand on Sissy’s thigh and smiling, maybe driving off on a new life together. 

Like. The Gang’s all here, Scoob. Even Ben! Allison is talking, it seems so to have Ben in the shot is odd. Usually Ben only appears when Klaus is the main character of the shot or the scene since he can only see him. Except, maybe everyone can see him!! Klaus can summon Ben as seen in the season one finale so maybe he was able to do it for a longer amount of time. I personally really hope that we see more of Ben (which the stills lead me to believe) and that they will develop not only his character and backstory more but his powers as well. His power rivals only Vanya’s is sheer amount of destruction it can cause. The room, however, where they all are looks unassuming. It could be where Five has taken up a residence, could be a house of one of the other siblings (we know that some of them did in fact settle down and start lives in Texas), or maybe it’s just a safe place to meet as a team. Either way I am psyched!

It’s safe to assume that these are the assassins. Whether they are with the organization that The Handler was with is unclear. What is clear is that I get Stranger Things vibes from these guys. It might be the white hair and dark, cloudy road. Either way, these guys are played by Tom Sinclair, Kris Holden-Ried, and Jason Bryden left to right and they play Oscar, Axel, and Otto respectively. 

Diego, Diego, Diego. My son. Disregarding the long hair and beard completely because I refuse to acknowledge it at this point, here is my interpretation of the scene. This is a flashback in the same fashion that we had a Diego flashback in episode three of season one. That flashback had Grace helping Diego through a stutter and then in one camera motion showed current-day Diego sitting on his old bed. This could be the same kind of thing, with current-day Diego sitting where he past self was and watching a scene unfold around him. Why else would he be in his uniform? How could it fit? How could he be back in the mansion?

-----------

That’s all I have to say about it for now but my ask box is OPEN for theories, possible explanations, or hypotheses on season two or any of the promotional stills. Time travel is messy. Let’s see what happens on July 31st.

[holden-norgorov]

Why Katniss Everdeen is definitely an INTJ.

Due to the lack of general consensus regarding The Hunger Games main character’s personality type, I’ve decided to provide an analysis aimed at demonstrating that Katniss Everdeen is indeed an INTJ, and at narrowing down why she often gets mistyped by a huge bunch of the Internet – which is, mostly, because people who are not so familiar with the theory tend to type characters formulating their thesis on dichotomies rather than cognitive functions, and without knowledge regarding how cognitive functions work and interact with each other.

Disclaimer: I’ll preface this entire post by clarifying that I’m talking about the literary character, not the cinematic one. Katniss, as portrayed in the movies, seems to be inevitably too expressive than how she is described in the books. Overall, Jennifer Lawrence’s performance it’s still a great adaptation of the character, that’s unquestioned; but acting itself is a discipline entirely focused on conveying emotional resonance through body language, and, as opposed to what happens with literature, emotions have to be seen on screen rather than just read on paper. This means that the actress herself, in order to give the audience a glimpse about what’s happening inside the character she is portraying, sometimes has to show it through expressive reactions and behaviors – a scheme that, repeated periodically, ends up making it look like Katniss might rely on Fe as a response mechanism to the external world (which is not the case). So, keep in mind that I’m talking about the character as described in the original, literary work.

In this post, I’m going to thoroughly focus on the main response that the MBTI community provided to the character, and confute the almost-taken-for-granted idea that she is a Sensor, which always gets thrown in without any argumentative and explanatory back-up to support it. Just because Katniss is skilled at archery, it doesn’t mean that she uses sensory lens to interpret the whole world. Aside from INTJ, Katniss gets often typed as an ISTP or an ISTJ, and despite understanding where both these typing choices come from, they are both flawed perception on her for different reasons.

Why Katniss is not an ISTP:

ISTPs lead with Ti (Introverted Thinking) and consequently have Fe (Extraverted Feeling) as their bottom function. This means that their first extraverted function is a Perceiving one (Se) and that they extravert their feeling side rather than their thinking side in social circumstances. IxTPs, despite being extremely logical, tend to keep their rational side hidden to others and, in relating to them, are more able to grasp the collective harmony of the group and exude a certain ability to conform to it. Ti/Fe users are less comfortable with displaying Ti’s internal, complex logical framework when dealing with people, but mingle with them exploiting their own – usually untrained, but still accessible – Fe persona. ISTPs in particular, having Se and Fe as their extraverted functions, can be quite good in going with the flow and at the same time understanding the collective needs and adjusting to them. In the inside, ISTPs may feel lonely in the middle of a crowd – mainly because of their internal “library” of logical, organized facts rarely shared externally – but on the outside, they appear to be quite well-adjusted, in tune with the environment and striving to be accepted by or to please others, other than, to a lesser extent, being expressive of how they feel with their attitudes (faces, gestures, etc). Dominant Ti users, leading with an internalized judging function, are also prone to indulge in overthinking and self-questioning dynamics every time new external data seem to contradict one of their internally-processed conclusions. They always look for logical inconsistencies between what they grasp from the outside and what they have previously deemed as logically accurate in the inside. Ti is naturally prone to engage in constant re-evaluations of logical facts, often generating self-doubt, and to increasingly complicate the reasoning upon them: it’s a theoretical way of thinking.

ISTPs have Se (Extraverted Sensing) as their Auxiliary function. This makes them externally chaotic despite their inner organized system. Extraverted Sensing, as the first extraverted function in a person, makes Se users thrive in the unpredictable. Se users gain energy in highly-stimulated scenarios where they can react freely and spontaneously to their environment: they shine when they get to be (physically) responsive and reactive to the world, and avoid being pro-active and trying to actively shape their path with previous decision-making procedures, because to them that feels debilitating. A perfect example of an ISTP female character is Fa Mulan, from the Disney Classic “Mulan” (1997): she is constantly overthinking and questioning herself because she experiences her world trying to grasp out of it what makes sense according to her internal logical system (Ti); she is at her best whenever improvisation and reactive skills are required in the physical realm (Se) and consistent with her Ti’s conclusions; she has deep problems within herself because she is unable to please her family (low Fe), and because of this she spends her entire life up to the movie events without knowing who she actually is (Fi as the demon function). ISTPs’ Ti/Se combination can provide them with a natural and exceptional expertise in practical matters without requiring the average amount of effort, as seen when Mulan is able to succeed when other soldiers can’t despite her lack of previous training. They are theoretical thinkers and spontaneous doers at the same time, which makes them ultimately practical.

Katniss, on the other hand, is neither theoretical in her way of thinking nor particularly spontaneous in her way of doing things. It’s stated countless times in the books that she is completely oblivious and/or careless of the collective social harmony that encompasses her. She always stands out as being cold, standoffish, uncompromising and individualistic in her way of socializing. She has a tendency to keep her emotional side hidden, to engage in unexpressive attitudes – the so-called “resting bitch face” – and relate to others through blunt rationality as a protective wall, which is the exact opposite of how a Ti/Fe user behaves (especially with strangers). Katniss extraverts her thinking side with others, which makes her a Te/Fi user. She fails again and again to realize how social codes actually work and is particularly inept when it comes to decrypt social behaviors, to the point that she spends years of her life without realizing Madge Undersee considered her as a friend all along. It’s extremely clear that she filters her interactions via a Te-based way of interpreting reality. The main difference between Ti and Te stands in the location of the logical framework: Ti users develop it internally, Te users externally. Te users, having this “library” of logical facts outside themselves, project its organization on the external environment and are able to modify it without incurring in overthinking and self-questioning dynamics. Whereas Ti is prone to over-complicate reasoning to look for internalized inconsistencies, Te is prone to over-simplify it to look for a quick external conclusion – hence why, outwardly, Te users appear more confident and decisive than Ti users. Te makes up for a pragmatical way of thinking, and Katniss is as pragmatical as they come.

“Besides, if he wants kids, Gale won’t have any trouble finding a wife. He’s good-looking, he’s strong enough to handle the work in the mines, and he can hunt. You can tell by the way the girls whisper about him when he walks by in school that they want him. It makes me jealous but not for the reason people would think. Good hunting partners are hard to find.”

In fact, she is so pragmatical that in Catching Fire she coldly rationalizes a way to kill everyone in order to ensure Peeta’s survival and she shows no difficulty in conceptualizing human murders as anything more than common animal killings. She shows a natural ability to detach herself from the physical world and conceptualize people, things and actions in symbolic structures, dehumanizing them (Ni). Katniss is also not an extraverted perceiver. She is controlled, collected and measured in how she acts. Everything she does is deliberate, is purposeful. Her resourcefulness comes from her open-minded mental disposition and her quick intuitive ability to select possibilities, other than from her rebellious tendencies; it doesn’t come from being spontaneous or gaining energy in the here and now. In fact, Katniss is a meticulous and constant mental planner on a daily basis, as I will explain later on. She uses Se as a fairly developed inferior function, which she had to learn how to properly hone for survival purposes. But on a cognitive perspective, it’s quite clear it’s not something she naturally uses to perceive reality.

It’s so obvious that people tend to type Katniss as an ISTP purely using dichotomies – she’s Introverted, she is a Thinker, and she is skilled at archery so she has to be a perceiving Sensor, right? Labeling her as an ISTP steams from an extremely superficial reading and interpretation of the character. Katniss is not a Perceiver, nor is she a Ti/Fe user in any way.

Why Katniss is not an ISTJ:

Unlike ISTPs, ISTJs express judgments in the external world through a Te/Fi approach, which suits Katniss more accurately – so, it’s actually much easier to understand why Katniss might be mistyped for an ISTJ. The difference between ISTJs and INTJs lies in how they perceive information. ISTJs are Si users, and Si as a dominant function acts as a collector of sensory data in their concrete, practical essence. Si users have excellent memory regarding details of the physical world. Those details are internalized in the ISTJs’ world-building process according to their factual qualities, not their symbolic ones. This is why they develop an attachment to the past: because for them, experience is not something to analyze and conceptualize, but to preserve and estimate in the concrete, physical effects it had on them. Si users place the value of something in its empirical form; Ni users place it in its idealistic one. Ni users, instead, conceptualize any experience they absorb. They tend to quickly forget the concrete aspect of it and save the conceptual pattern behind it. Ni as a dominant function acts as a collector of intuitive patterns in their abstract form. Those patterns, once fully accessible and narrowed down, are gathered inside the INTJ who, from that moment on, has immediate access to it every time it is recognized in new sensory elements, even ones that superficially can seem completely unrelated (this is why Ni users are said to experience sudden “aha!” moments out of nowhere: because they witnessed the recurrence of a symbolic pattern they previously stored and are now able to access it without being conscious of the process). Si users are uncomfortable with abstract thinking and devalue the intuitive ramifications steaming from the source material (low Ne); Ni users are uncomfortable with practical details and devalue the raw source material that provided intuitive patterns (low Se).

For an ISTJ, every experience is an irreplaceable cornerstone that should be preserved and valued (eyes to the past); for an INTJ, every experience is a possible source of new patterns to be exploited from that moment on (eyes to the future). As a consequence, ISTJs develop a strong trust in established methods, rules and hierarchies, because they perceive them in their concrete efficiency and recognize their merits in letting them live their experiences; INTJs, instead, develop a complementary strong distrust in them, because they perceive them in what they conceptually represent and place value in the patterns underneath, i.e. what let them analyze their experiences.

That said, Katniss Everdeen is an INTJ mostly mistyped as an ISTx because she had to grow up in an environment and live through childhood circumstances that forced her to temporarily suffocate her Ni in order to develop her Se earlier than usual. But she is not a Sensor, and her Ni lens are still predominant in the narrative.

One of the biggest differences between ISTJs and INTJs is the relationship they have with authority and power. Si users see their own value as people in the role they play in the community they belong to; they tend to be the keepers of the established order because it’s what gives them their sense of identity and belonging. And it’s not only about the “overarching” order of things, but also the one that is ever-present even in the smallest of things. They value conformism and respect to those rules, because they made their experiences possible – and those experiences are what their worldview is based upon. Ni users, instead, don’t place their value in a community system, and see themselves as above or independent to its rules. How many times did you happen to read “INTJs are considered the most independent of all the types”? This is why. It’s about mental independence, which is also the source of subversive behaviors and rebellious attitudes, that are very common in Ni users and extremely atypical in Si ones. And Katniss is an extremely independent person under every aspect. Due to this sense of identity projected in their social role, Si user are also exceptionally prone to master social codes and conventions, while Katniss proves to be extremely deficient in this regard, showing a deep inability to grasp the basic norms of human collective interactions despite having been forced to engage in them every day at school and at work for presumably years. Her intuitive nature is particularly obvious in this case, because it shows how she is naturally able to detach herself from the sensory realm and its details, engaging in it exclusively through Te’s pragmatical lens – every interaction becomes a practical exchange, almost an economic proposition with cause-and-effect regulations. But at the same time, she constantly associates people’s actions with symbols (Ni).

“To this day, I can never shake the connection between this boy, Peeta Mellark, and the bread that gave me hope, and the dandelion that reminded me that I was not doomed. And more than once, I have turned in the school hallway and caught his eyes trained on me, only to quickly flit away. I feel like I owe him something, and I hate owing people.”

In order to properly grasp the difference, let’s draw a comparison with another famous ISTJ female character, who also happens to be an archer as well: Susan Pevensie, from The Chronicles of Narnia. Susan shares with Katniss her exterior stubborn, resolute attitude through which she conveys her rationalism, and her pragmatical approach in dealing with unfamiliar situations (Te); she is also emotionally introverted and very much in tone with her own personal values (Fi). Other than that, Susan is also extremely well-mannered and receptive of conventional rules, almost narrow-minded in her persistence in following “by-the-book” etiquette and always incredibly skeptical in evaluating idealistic possibilities when facing the variation of her reality. Her core worldview revolves around the sensory experiences she internalizes, and her own identity gets defined by the rules and the codes she strives to follow by herself, and that she constantly reminds others to follow as well. After the Pevensies are brought away from their mother because of the war, Susan decides to self-impose on herself the social role of “new mother” of her siblings in order to find her new purpose and maintain a pro-active control on her life. Katniss has to do a similar thing after her father’s death, but out of survival purposes because of her mother’s fall into depression. Katniss commits to the process in an INTJ fashion, using her Ni to visualize the conceptual goal (her family’s survival) and rationalizing the most efficient and optimized way to reach it through Te; Susan, on the other hand, commits to it out of no life-or-death obligation, but simply because she feels the need to in order to perceive her identity as validated (Si). She is repetitively dismissive of unconventional situations and finds comfort in a constant tendency to refuge in tried-and-true methods. Both as a Queen in Narnia (before aging back to be a teenager again) and as a growing adult in our world, Susan ends up revolving her life around the sensory experiences she collects; in Narnia she learns to grow accustomed to local rituals and becomes widely known for engaging in traditional lifestyles, whereas in our world she gains new concrete experiences that lead her to “forget” (or more likely, deem as less important) her childhood ones in Narnia. The more her social importance increases here, the more Narnia becomes an idealized fantasy in her mind, i.e. something to be devaluated (low Ne).

Another example of a female Te/Si user is Hermione Granger from Harry Potter, who is an ESTJ. Hermione’s entire knowledge system is completely dependent on a methodical text-book approach of assimilation of notions, which she rarely question or devaluate in any way; outside of what is learnt by the tried-and-true methods, she is discovered to be quite skeptical of the unfamiliar and less comfortable with (but not incapable of) exploring unknown imaginative possibilities (tertiary Ne). She is also extremely reluctant to break the rules, especially in early evolutionary stages, when her third function has yet to develop.

On the contrary, the first thing we learn about Katniss is that she inherited by her father the unconventional way of thinking and the reluctance to be subordinated by the system. She recalls how since she was a child, she had a tendency to engage in subversive language which could have been taken as rebellious if she had been heard by Peacekeepers. Her mother soon took corrective methods and Katniss learnt to keep her observations to herself. But despite that, her subversive nature still remains the core of who she is and will become during the saga. One of Katniss’s most recurrent traits is, indeed, subverting either governmental rules or societal expectations. She does that all the time, and in every way possible. She starts by hunting illegally in prohibited territory and selling the wild game to marketers, showing an independent nature which gains the admiration of her peers; then she volunteers as a tribute to replace her sister (something unprecedented in her district); she rebels against the lack of attention from the Gamemakers in her training evaluation session, intimidating them by showing her skills through insubordination, and gaining the highest score; she rebels against Seneca Crane’s last-minute-rearrangement of the Game’s rules by suggesting she and Peeta ingest the berries at the same time and commit suicide, already foreseeing the successful outcome of her strategy (Ni/Te); she shows insubordinate behavior in front of President Snow himself; she hangs Seneca Crane in front of the Gamemakers; she appears completely unable to obey basic orders that she deems as pointless and dismisses any kind of authority to the point that President Coin targets her rebellious temperament as her most-defining trait and the one she should conquer to be accepted in the Mockingjay mission; in District 13, she never follows social protocol nor she attends half of the events she should partake in. So, not only doesn’t she place her identity value in her community, but she also despises the idea of becoming part of a community at all, because there’s nothing she craves the most than independence, and relying on others is perceived by her as a weakness. This is quite the norm for INTJs.  

Katniss’s archery talent per se is also completely unrelated to how she perceives the world and to her cognitive preferences, because it was something she was forced to develop; but the way she engages in it is very telling. Many INTJs have interests in pursuing solitary physical activities, and their dominant Ni pushes them to apply their perfectionistic tendencies in everything they try to accomplish. This is why Katniss grows to master that practice, becoming an excellent archer (Gale describes her as “the best one he knows”). INTJs can be so obsessed with achieving excellence that they could be reluctant to show their interests, hobbies or activities at all before being sure to hone them completely. Katniss was basically forced to engage in hunting sessions to provide for her family, and this helped her in developing her inferior Se and learning to adjust to the environment around her. Nevertheless, her hunting style is still methodical, calculating and based on strategy tactics and mind games she plays to foresee her prey’s reactions and behaviors and win over them. She is never shown to gain energy and engage in it with the chaotic flexibility that high Se-users would show (as, for instance, Mulan constantly does in the Chinese Army): she is still precise, deliberate and focused in reaching an established goal, i.e. anticipating her opponents. It’s almost like she is playing chess with her preys. She conceptualizes her sensory activities and her body becomes a tool for her mind to use. Being a solitary activity in a solitary environment, Katniss is soon able to thrive because it gives her the opportunity to detach from the real world outside the woods and retreat safely in her mind, where she can perceive herself in control.

Another main trait associable with Ni/Te users is their strategic thinking. Ni’s ability to extract conceptual patterns from sensory elements and Te’s pragmatical approach in decompressing them give INTJs natural access to a pro-active way of interpreting reality and a strong desire to control it in a structured, foreseeable manner. INTJs naturally develop an automatic mental disposition to strategize every action they make in order to them to fit their vision and help them in reaching their desired goals. And it’s not just about the Big Strategies, or the Mastermind Plans: it’s a mental framework and it applies on a day to day basis, sometimes in the most insignificant things, often subconsciously and in extremely basic forms. We get to experience Katniss’s interaction with the outside world during the books, and she constantly strategizes. The first thing she thinks about after volunteering to save her sister (a very Fi-driven act for “the only person she is sure she loves”) is that crying as a response mechanism must be avoided because it would be caught by the Square’s cameras, and that she must not indulge in it even after the Reaping ceremony ends, because there will also be cameras in the train station after the tributes get to give their farewells. This by itself, as spontaneous as she makes it look like, is still a calculating way of thinking. She is used to foresee and evaluate strategically the long-term effects of her actions and choices. When she gets to see her family before leaving, she is distant and controlling: she doesn’t waste time in emotional matters, but straight-forwardly communicates a planning schedule of things to do in order for them to be able to survive without her.

She promises to her sister Prim that she will try to win – which now becomes her Goal – and strictly after that she already shows to be comfortable with the idea of dehumanizing other people to reach that goal. She is so calculating and detached from the sensory rules that she actually believes Peeta Mellark’s spontaneous emotional reaction to be a strategy for the Games, which indirectly underlines that it’s something she would do just for strategy purposes – just like we discover former victor Johanna Mason (ENTJ) did. When the night before the Games Peeta (ENFP) shares with her his open, individualistic unwillingness to be a slave to the Capitol (Ne/Fi), Katniss’s skeptical attitude and strategic focus on what she needs to do to accomplish her Goal makes her keep her inner perspective (Ni/Fi) hidden from him and use Te to provide pragmatical feed-back.

“Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to… to show the Capitol they don’t own me. That I’m more than just a piece in their Games,” says Peeta. “But you’re not,” I say. “None of us are. That’s how the Games work.” “Okay, but within that framework, there’s still you, there’s still me,” he insists. “Don’t you see?” “A little. Only... no offense, but who cares, Peeta?” I say. “I do. I mean, what else am I allowed to care about at this point?” he asks angrily. He’s locked those blue eyes on mine now, demanding an answer. I take a step back. “Care about what Haymitch said. About staying alive.” Peeta smiles at me, sad and mocking. “Okay. Thanks for the tip, sweetheart.” It’s like a slap in the face. His use of Haymitch’s patronizing endearment. “Look, if you want to spend the last hours of your life planning some noble death in the arena, that’s your choice. I want to spend mine in District Twelve.” “Wouldn’t surprise me if you do,” says Peeta. “Give my mother my best when you make it back, will you?” “Count on it,” I say. Then I turn and leave the roof.

Inside the Arena, she avoids human interactions as far as possible, trying to maintain an independence of mind that allows her to function properly. This solitude allows her to focus on her primary Goal so much that she actually forgets she is supposed to be playing a love story with Peeta – something she thinks makes her appear weak. Once she is tracked down by the Favorites, she quickly comes up with a plan able to keep her safe and endanger them at the same time: she climbs a tree, knowing she has much more expertise of any of them in doing so and already picturing them trying to throw their weapons at her once she is out of their reach, hoping to be able to collect one – showing a futuristic and utilitarian approach to the situation.

When dealing with people, she is very selective, trusts her guts and is almost never wrong (Ni). She makes an alliance with Rue here, and shows sympathy for Mags, Beetee and Wiress in the next book, highly distrusting every other tribute. She comes up with another plan involving setting up several fires to distract the Favorites and destroying their supplies by exploiting the underground mines near the Cornucopia. When Seneca Crane announces that there can be two victors from the same district, Katniss decides to incorporate Peeta’s survival in her ultimate Goal, and from that moment she is determined to find him, protect him and carry out their romance as efficiently as she can.

The most emblematic moment where Katniss’s INTJness truly stands out in the first book is at the end, when the rules are changed back and just one victor is allowed. Peeta gets acceptive of the inevitable consequences that it entails, but Katniss can’t find satisfaction in it because she feels like she has been played. She managed to adapt to the Games’ logic and reach both her Goals – keeping her promise to Prim and allowing Peeta to survive with her. And suddenly she has to sacrifice one of them, even though she conquered both? This tyrannical twist aimed at controlling her is what definitely triggers her into attacking the whole system, finding a way to make the Capitol conform to what she wants and not the other way around. If there’s something INTJs hate, that it’s being manipulated and stripped of control. With the trick of the berries, she knows she is subverting the rules and that consequences will arise, but she first and foremost is confident that she will get what she wants out of it. And she does.

Katniss’s dominant Ni (Introverted Intuition) is also evident, through the whole saga, in the constant symbolical associations she makes between objects/people and images/concepts. In her mind, Prim is her “little duck”, Peeta is “the boy with the bread”, the soup in the Arena becomes a linguistic code to decrypt from Haymitch, Rue herself becomes a shadow of her sister, the Mockingjay pin becomes a self-projecting symbol, Snow’s white rose becomes a hidden form of communication between them. She sees items as conceptual containers.

In the second book, she gets visited by President Snow and she studies him, analyzing his behavior and persona and carefully weighting his words.

Perhaps it is the newness of the house or the shock of seeing him or the mutual understanding that he could have me killed in a second that makes me feel like the intruder. As if this is his home and I’m the uninvited party. So I don’t welcome him or offer him a chair. I don’t say anything. In fact, I treat him as if he’s a real snake, the venomous kind. I stand motionless, my eyes locked on him, considering plans of retreat. “I think we’ll make this whole situation a lot simpler by agreeing not to lie to each other,” he says. “What do you think?” I think my tongue has frozen and speech will be impossible, so I surprise myself by answering back in a steady voice, “Yes, I think that would save time.”

During the Victory Tour, despite Snow’s warning against her rebellious tendencies, Katniss shows once again her inability to stick to established procedures and etiquettes by coming up with an individualistic speech about Rue (Fi) that leads to an uprising and public execution. Back in her district, she keeps breaking the rules and attending the woods despite knowing that the President keeps his eyes on her movements.

As soon as the Quarter Quell is announced and the tributes are selected, Katniss decides that this time her long-term Goal will solely be Peeta’s survival, and from now on she takes her ultimate sacrifice for granted in her mental schemes, as a necessary step. Because of her Ni, Katniss develops a curiosity for Beetee (INTP) and Wiress’s intellectual approach to their training session and learns about force fields. Katniss’s archery training here is extremely probative of the mindset she enters into when hunting. She refuges inside her own head and lets her intuition overtake her body and dictate her movements in a harmonious and efficient continuum. She doesn’t lose herself in the environment (high Se), but in her own mind (high Ni), alienating herself from her physical surroundings to the point that she fails to realize she is being observed by everyone and doesn’t catch them applauding her until she sees them after her session is completed.

This time, in the Arena, she ends up being much more assertive – mainly because she has already made peace with the fact that she is not going to get out alive. This certainty is what ultimately suffocates her humanity and lets her approach the competition in a much more cold-blooded way – if she has come to have no problem dying to save Peeta, she surely has no problem killing everyone else as well to do it. She openly discusses with him about betrayal strategies and spends the majority of the time conjecturing ways to kill her temporary allies. She is so intensely focused (in a Ni tunnel-vision fashion) on her own scheme that she fails to notice than a much greater plan, arranged by the rebels, is being implemented by some of the other tributes which involves keeping her alive. Once she realizes that something is wrong with the way they are behaving, she comes up with another plan: she exploits the operative system of the Arena combined with her newly-acquired ability to recognize holes in force fields to throw an electrified arrow into the weak spot of the Arena’s one and provoke the explosion of the entire structure. Katniss shows to be attracted not only to the pragmatical efficiency of the gesture (Te), but to its symbolical connotations as well (Ni), which seem to convey an open declaration of war to Snow himself.

In the third book, she goes back to crave her independence from others, estranging herself from the social activities held in District 13 and developing an intuitive and instinctual distrust in President Coin as an authority figure. She decides to accept her propaganda role as the Mockingjay, symbol of the Revolution, just because it’s the only way to ensure the progression of the rebellious strikes and therefore to aim at Snow’s ultimate defeat – in a not-so-different way from INTJs’ tendency to engage in leadership roles once they conclude it to be the only possible solution to ensure the highest efficiency of a system. In exchange of embracing the role, Katniss provides a list of demands to be accepted – including the claim of President Snow’s execution. This becomes her new Goal.

Having witnessed at first-hand Katniss’s insubordinate nature and fearing for it to become a serious problem, President Coin decides to include a brainwashed Peeta in the Mockingjay mission. Katniss realizes quite instantly that Coin could profit from her death and that she wants to use Peeta as a weapon to control her and potentially get rid of her. Her distrust of Coin increases rapidly, but she keeps being focused on her primary Goal – to the point that, after Boggs’s death and her taking charge of the team, she pretends to know about the existence of a secondary, back-up plan established by Coin and only shared with Boggs and herself aimed at infiltrating the Capitol and killing the President.

Nevertheless, one of the most impactful moments in all the saga happens when the reader gets to experience Katniss’s Ultimate Plan. After District 13 gives order to detonate two groups of bombs from hovercrafts bearing the Capitol seal resulting in a massive genocide of children and rebel medics – including Prim –, Katniss is able to foresee (Ni) Coin’s real intentions of generating an internal conflict in the enemy lines and therefore manages to rationalize the danger she represents for Panem’s future liberty. She realizes that, in order for the people to be ultimately free and for Prim’s death not to be in vain, she needs to find a way to get rid of both Snow and Coin at the same time, because Coin’s thirst for power steams from similar roots of Snow’s, and must be sedated as quickly as possible. So, she meticulously and carefully crafts a strategy to gain Coin’s ultimate trust and then betray it publicly.

Was it like this then? Seventy-five years or so ago? Did a group of people sit around and cast their votes on initiating the Hunger Games? Was there dissent? Did someone make a case for mercy that was beaten down by the calls for the deaths of the districts’ children? The scent of Snow’s rose curls up into my nose, down into my throat, squeezing it tight with despair. All those people I loved, dead, and we are discussing the next Hunger Games in an attempt to avoid wasting life. Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change now. I weigh my options carefully, think everything through. Keeping my eyes on the rose, I say, “I vote yes . . . for Prim.” “Haymitch, it’s up to you,” says Coin. A furious Peeta hammers Haymitch with the atrocity he could become party to, but I can feel Haymitch watching me. This is the moment, then. When we find out exactly just how alike we are, and how much he truly understands me. “I’m with the Mockingjay,” he says. “Excellent. That carries the vote,” says Coin. “Now we really must take our places for the execution.” As she passes me, I hold up the glass with the rose. “Can you see that Snow’s wearing this? Just over his heart?” Coin smiles. “Of course. And I’ll make sure he knows about the Games.” “Thank you,” I say.

She manipulates her by pretending to agree at the establishment of new Hunger Games in Prim’s memoir while keeping her eyes fixed on Snow’s rose and mentally recalling their conversation in the previous book. Haymitch – who is probably an INTJ as well (with Se-grip problems), since Katniss spends the entire saga stating how alike they are – instantly understands Katniss’s plan and votes in her favor. By doing this, Katniss ultimately gains Coin’s trust, who has no reason now not to arm her and let her execute Snow in a public ceremony. Katniss manipulates Coin even more by making her think that giving him the white rose is an attempt to symbolize revenge, while it actually is a way for Katniss to re-awake in Snow the memory of their previous exchange. Katniss’s attachment to symbology here is extremely evident. When she finally gets to be in front of Snow, she states that he has nowhere to go, no allies left. There is no way for Snow to still be a threat ever again, regardless of her actually executing him in this instance. But on the other hand, now she is given the unique, unrepeatable possibility of erasing Coin’s threat as well. And she grabs it.

I feel the bow purring in my hand. Reach back and grasp the arrow. Position it, aim at the rose, but watch his face. He coughs and a bloody dribble runs down his chin. His tongue flicks over his puffy lips. I search his eyes for the slightest sign of anything, fear, remorse, anger. But there’s only the same look of amusement that ended our last conversation. It’s as if he’s speaking the words again. “Oh, my dear Miss Everdeen. I thought we had agreed not to lie to each other.” He’s right. We did. The point of my arrow shifts upward. I release the string. And President Coin collapses over the side of the balcony and plunges to the ground. Dead.

This execution is almost a by-the-book case of INTJ’s combination of strategic planning and the ability to foresee dangerous future outcomes and prevent them from happening. Katniss’s plan was supposed to end with her suicide, but soon after Coin’s death, Peeta is able to grasp her intentions and stop her in time. Katniss, having already calculated that she was going to be executed as well for Coin’s murder, loses her cool because the final step of her strategy has been prevented, and searches for Gale in the crowd hoping to be mercifully killed by him. But she isn’t. Eventually, she gets quarantined and the newly-established Paylor’s government decides to spare her.

Overall, I think it’s safe to say that the tendency to mistype Katniss as a Sensor steams from an approximative, superficial lecture of her character and the way she operates. People tend to place the “S” label upon her purely because she is an expert in a physical activity and think that is enough for her to be a Sensor – as if there are no Intuitives more than capable of mastering “sensory categories”, which is basically the same as implying that Sensors can not be able to develop a comfortable relationship with conceptual subjects. Typing characters basing personal assumptions on dichotomies and therefore discrediting cognitive functions is an extremely biased and inefficient procedure which leads to great misunderstandings. All it takes is to dive a little bit into the core nature of the character to get a proper picture of how said character perceives the world and engages with it. And with that in mind, Katniss Everdeen can be nothing else but an INTJ.

“To hear Delly describe it, I had next to no friends because I intimidated people by being so exceptional. Not true. I had next to no friends because I wasn’t friendly.”

[bettertheworld]

To change, you have to change.

The most important crash-course our planet is on is with itself, it doesn't matter that in billions of years our solar system is going to collide with a nearby galaxy, our planet is on a crash-course with human habits and they're already ruining the world bite-by-bite, meal-by-meal.  

Yes, there are other factors threatening our existence causing climate change, but none of those factors have as much impact as what we ingest as 'foods' and 'drinks'. None of those other factors can be compromised because people need to travel to and from work, move about the world, people need to get goods from one part of the world to another etc...  

What people don't need is to support the burning and deforestation of the Amazon Rainforest and other grasslands to allow cattle to graze, we don't need meat to exist as a thing that keeps us fed - that idea is 100s of years old and if you haven't heard, Justus Von Liebig was wrong – very wrong.  For an idea that old to be so strongly affecting us today, means we're living in the past - we don't need animals to get ample protein in our lives.  Ignoring the problems the present is creating is a true and horrible crime of today, but you should also realize that someone is pulling the strings behind the scenes and initially, it's not our fault. If this scenario were a person in their life, a medical doctor would send that person to a psychotherapist, and you know that doctor would have already started them on an SSRI among other drugs that they would be getting kick-backs on.

Later on I'll describe to you what the Disease Model is, and how Doctors operate within those boundaries to keep us sick, but alive.

The Covid-19 pandemic is the canary in the coal-mine telling us that if we don't change our ways, minds, and belief systems, it's going to be too late to save life as we know it; look at Covid-19, it’s already doing that.  Misguidedly, I tried so many times to inform and help people accept the facts, but at that time, I didn’t know that, new facts are polarizing, they don’t just change belief-systems. I burnt so many bridges wasting effort on people who weren't ready to accept new information, who didn't want to change, and who at best wanted to make me look like a blabbing fool.  What does it take to make someone talking pure gold look like their talking garbage? The answer is a loyal following.  Take away the loyalists, and you take away Those-Who-Resist's ground to stand on. Inform the following, and instead of working against them, like Othello, you're now working with them.  Seems easy, but it's an absolute nightmare sometimes to be on this mission – while trying to do life.

The bottom line is this, If we don't change our eating habits, we're going to be looking back on 2020 and we're going to regretfully say, 'we should have listened, we should have read the true science and informed ourselves and understood that vegan activists are sharing information so that we can minimize our impact which elongates the future for generations to come, not to take away anyone's rights or freedoms today'.  You might not see all of those right away, but I need to make the point about 2020 and it's a bit cheesy, here it is in a series of extremely short sentences. 2020. Vision. Hindsight. (You see what I’m doing here?) Covid-19.  Human deaths. Animal flu Spillover. Cause of covid. These points are all strongly connected and the answer to the problem is, leave the animals alone.  We can easily be getting all nutrients from plants, thereby eliminating the ability for animal flu spillover, stopping future pandemics and living successfully and healthfully. Wow, seems simple. If you need proof about how vegans can kill it physically, check out Nimai Delgado on Instagram.  Here's a hint - do not worry about adequate protein intake – I would worry a whole lot more if I still ate meat.

Did you know that a chickpea has every amino acid that your body needs and none of the cholesterol that lays down fatty streaks in your arteries?  Dietary cholesterol only comes from eating animal products.  Did you know that of the 20 amino acids, only 9 are essential?  Did you know that plants make amino acids? Did you know plants make ALL amino acids? Did you know you can live healthfully with just eating plants? If you doubt, check out nutritiondata.com; it will set you free.

I had the hindsight to realize that we are the problem, what I was eating was harming me, and that change happened without me forfeiting anything and that what I needed to thrive and live my best, most fulfilling and healthiest life was growing in the ground and putting carbon back into the ground thereby removing carbon dioxide from the air? What was being bled out, hung upside down, chopped into pieces, packaged, and then referred to as Halal Beef or 'extra-lean ground chuck' was killing me from within.  It is my hunch that in the future, Halal will be condemned as an inhumane and non-sustainable practice.  If you doubt my words, consider watching Earthlings, and I mean ALL of Earthlings – It's free on Youtube.

Covid-19 was caused by humans' interactions with animals.  You can try to re-word, re-frame, re-everything the previous sentence, but you can't, we caused it by conquering the world and being negligent with our logistics and lack of science.  It doesn't matter if you can conjure up conspiracy theories or already understand that it's our closeness with animals that has caused the pandemic. I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty details because that's already been done.  I'm here to send a wake-up call to anyone who will listen, anyone who will change, anyone who cares about their children, nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, parents, or anyone who will live beyond your years, basically anyone beyond yourself.  Yes these are strong words, but these are grim times.

Are you going to be in the group who changed given the information that is out there, or will you be in the stubborn group who thinks they can interpret the science better than the professionals can? Are you going to continue to believe that every falsely "debunked" meat-free solution as a result of fake news is remotely inclusive or correct? Are you going to choose greed and personal choice over minimizing your impact on the future?  Are you going to let fake news scare you into eating meat?  The only reason why you have a choice today is because of capitalism, but is capitalism helping or killing you? Take capitalism away, and you would be left with no choice, you would be doing what is best for the planet because that’s also best for you and, if you don’t know, climate change is already here!  

Again, I'm not here to take away your personal choice, I'm here to instill a sense of agency within you, to give you the power to take control of your life, to be in the driver's seat with regard to your own health, and to reframe the choices that you have so that you can choose better for whatever the rest of your years look like or whatever may come to be on this planet because of you.  Do you want to be part of the solution, or would you rather defend your right to live unsustainably because you have money?

Take the rich for example, whatever you want, you get because they have the money for it. Well, consider the fact that heart disease has not been linked to a lower socioeconomic status, instead it affects everyone roughly equally if you're all eating an equal amount of animal protein and animal fats, you're all getting just about the same amount of sick (ignoring specific nutrient deficiencies).  Whether you're eating the rarest of blood-dripping steaks with the fanciest 1000-thread count napkins on your laps, or you're going through a McDonald's drive-thru dropping lettuce all over your car because all your bank account will let you do is get a Bacon-Double-Cheeseburger and the person who made it can’t get all the lettuce between the patties, either way that animal fat is being pushed into your arteries by your blood pressure and the animal protein is wreaking havoc in your body promoting your genes to signal cancer growth within your body. It doesn't matter if you're eating only white meat vs red, animal protein does not promote optimal health for a human being.  

Eating meat was the exception and necessary at one point in time within evolution, but it was never meant to be a long-term solution, how do I know this? Our bodies tell us that. Our teeth are flat for grinding roughage, our teeth cannot shred muscle very well.  We have elongated GI systems designed to absorb complex carbohydrates, our stomach acid is not as strong as true carnivores.  We require vitamin C in our diet which relates to us having trichromatic vision, vs Lions that only see black, white and grey. Vitamin C is found in plants, not meat.  Yes we have the ability to digest meat, but it wreaks havoc on our bodies, and it takes a long time to see the result of that action develop into symptoms of various cardiovascular diseases, and cancers.

With regard to deciding to finally kill Betsy the cow because you’re starving and need to eat something? Can you imagine being that person who had to hack up the first cow when it went against their way of life at the time? How traumatic it would be! Maybe you can imagine doing it yourself right now, and or it's time to think, "If I can't do it, how am I going to pay someone else to do it?  Ask yourself that 3 times.

Necessity has a way of changing us because we’ll do anything to survive. Whether you accept it or not, we're already at that point of necessity with regard to climate and I’m glad someone has done something about it.  Look at Greta Thunberg, if you haven't seen her documentary, I highly recommend it, it's called 'Greta'. A child who has been handed an unfair start at life, facing a climate crisis and being left to think, 'what's the point of me doing anything other than this?' The answer to her question is 'quite honestly, barely any". Her campaign of 'Skolstrejk for Klimatet', translated it means "school-strike for climate" has gained momentum and woken people up, but was that her resonsibility in the first place? We all know the answer to that, and that proves that our ignorance is making the future more and more unfair for each child born, and if that’s your child, and if you eat meat, you truly do not what to offer the best planet to your children.

I have to address this quickly because so many people refer to it.  If 'God' created the world, the bible via prophets and animals to eat, then god also created Science and Philosophy and Logic, which has now proven many facts about diet and disease, so how are we going to defend eating meat with words of the bible and ignore the Science, Philosophy and Logic that was also bred of God? You tell me what you come up with.

You tell yourself that it's just one meal, it's just a couple meals a day, or it's every meal and it's your choice and you can do whatever you want to your body.  That is true because capitalism allows that, but if you want to grow and become better than you already are, you should really ask yourself a question that about 98% of people ignore - "Am I doing this whole food thing right?" And therefore, "Am I giving myself too many allowances? Do I have a realistic or horribly unrealistic view of my own life and my existence?"  Yes, it goes deep, but is it too difficult to critically look at yourself? Think beyond yourself.

For those educated regarding Critical Theory and higher degrees of thought in school, you may ask yourself a lot more questions than that, but before you begin to answer them with regards to food, do not even think about answering them with regard to your experience if you have only tried eating one way, you need to go with science on this one and use yourself as an experiment - make changes, and gauge how you feel – cut the meat and dairy, align your thoughts and feelings with what is on your plate.  

It was only a year ago Canada made their first food guide without Research from the companies providing the animal products.  Is it just me or does it seem crazy to have ever used research from Beef producers about beef?  Regarding the changes which nearly left meat out completely, I have my own conspiracy theories as to why meat was left in, but take a hint people, it was all but removed. Wake up and smell the chickpeas, ditch the animal products.

What do you think your children, grand-children, great-grand-children, etc.. will think of you? No you will not meet all that come to be because of you but they'll know if you were the first go ditch meat, and take control of your health. You have the power to choose, you have the agency to act autonomously and to think for yourself.  What legend do you want to leave behind? What are they going to say about you if you refuse to change?  

My mother has smoked my entire life, always telling me that she'll quit, it's hard I know, but after 35 years, I've given up trying to change people, instead I refuse to keep secret for her, her habits that are shortening her life day in and day out. Telling her that if she dies of anything related to her smoking or eating habits, that I will use her as an example to teach my nieces about cause and effect.  Call me brutally honest, call me anything you want, but before all, call me a realist.

Did you know that even in abusive relationships, the abused will at times defend the abuser? Did you know that happens a lot more than you realize? Maybe now you can realize that you're being abused by the meat-producers and now you're defending them by defending your 'right' to eat meat?

I think we are ready to remove the veil, but to do so you'll have to do the research yourself and not just take my word for it. Everything I spout nowadays, is the opposite of what I knew myself to be in 2014. The fact that I have been through university with a degree in Human kinetics, spending time with nutrition and other Biomedical sciences - nothing woke me up better than meeting a Vegan who cared enough to hold my hand and walk me through what big businesses never wanted me to find out. That what we eat is killing us, the planet, and the future.  Now, science has shown us that with a vegan diet, rich of fruits, vegetables, grains, legumes, nuts and seeds, we can reverse the number top killers (heart disease and many cancers) of people caused by ingesting animal products or at least optimize your chance at fighting off or living with a disease. Eating animal products is never part of the solution, it’s the problem.

Take control of your life and inform yourself because only you can live your life.