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#but i wanted to include it anyway because it hurts me
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Prewar!Cooper Howard has a breeding kink because he loves being a dad. He and Barb married and started trying for kids later in life than most folks around them, so much of the sex they had, especially early on, was focused on getting Barb pregnant. If he'd had his way, they would have had a whole litter of children, but hey, sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want. Still, there's the fun of trying, and there was a lot of trying. After the divorce, he's shocked when he meets someone else, and even more shocked when he feels those same urges with you. He's been trained to try and knock one in basically every time, he jokes.
At least, that's what he tells himself.
He's also incredibly possessive, and it drives him wild to think about getting to see you all swollen and filled out with his child. Particularly with you being younger that him; the ugly part of his brain is barking at him to stake a more permanent claim on you every time a guy your age so much as looks your way. Personally, he thinks he's too old to have more kids, but between his secret urges, your forgetfulness when it comes to your pill, and your twin high sex drives, well...sometimes accidents happen.
He'd be over the moon, once he knew you were happy as well (he would also worry about the news potentially being hurtful to Barb, but that'd be an issue for tomorrow). Showing you off in public, knowing that other people see how gorgeous you are and know you fully belong to him, it really gets him going, and you certainly take notice of how amorous he is when you're out together (combined with how vigorously he fucks you when you get home). Thinks you're insanely sexy pregnant and likes to watch you ride him with a big belly. You'd both better be a lot more careful about your contraception after the first baby if you don't want another, because getting to see you that way only makes his kink worse.
The Ghoul has a breeding kink because he's incredibly possessive. It's been literal centuries since he's come across anything in this world that he cares for enough to want to claim it, and you're officially claimed. He wants everyone, including you, to know that you belong to him and only him. Other ghouls can smell him on you much more strongly if he cums inside you, and he enjoys the way filling you full scratches his most primal itch. It's just an added benefit that he's almost positive he can't actually get you pregnant, but...there are records of ghouls reproducing with other ghouls. Haven't stranger things happened?
The little thrill he gets at the idea is just nature trying to take over.
At least, that's what he tells himself.
You'd be hard-up to get him to admit it, but he wants you to need him. He wants an excuse to baby you and pamper you and force you to let him do things for you without the vulnerability of admitting that he wants to do those things for you anyway because he's deeply in love with you.
You complain that your feet hurt during your journey for the day? He'll carry you everywhere you want to go from now until the end of time, if that's what you want. Stomach and appetite troubles? Name whatever you want, he'll find it for you, no matter how many caps he has to pay. Tired? "Of course you're tired, sweetheart. Let's stop for today. Here, sit down. Do you need some water? Eat this, you need some calories. Let me rub your legs and feet for you." It is endless and sort of surreal for you to adjust to.
Speaking of journeys, I think he also secretly wants to settle down a bit. He does already after he meets and falls for you, seeing how much the constant trekking back and forth across the irradiated desert takes out of you, and he definitely would want to do so expeditiously if you were pregnant. It's not like secure places don't exist in this world. He can keep you, and anyone else who may come along, safe just fine.
He'd be afraid to fuck you if you were pregnant, worried that he'll hurt you or make you sick or make something bad happen with the pregnancy. But if you reassure him, maybe beg a little, he'll do his best to make sure your urges are satisfied. Sit on his face and let him slide his tongue through your insanely sensitive folds, lie back and let him fuck you with those agile fingers while he jerks himself off. You'll miss being properly penetrated, badly, but you won't go without.
He wants an excuse to be even more protective of you than usual. Give him a reason to literally pluck men's eyes out for daring to so much as look at you, a reason to never let you out of his sight ever again. If you thought he was ready to commit violence to keep you safe before, you haven't seen anything yet.
I can't imagine it would be easy to have a big family in the Wasteland, but reminding him how much he loves being a dad would certainly have the thought on his mind.
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Clover's personality (in-depth)
This thing turned out way longer than intended. As promised, I wrote my opinions in regards to Clover's mbti; I also wanted to include the enneagram but figured it would be too much, so I'll do that separaretly. For those who wanna get straight to the point, just scroll to the end of the post for a pic of the functions I think Clover has. But if you want more details, read the whole thing. Probably not many people will wanna do that, but I had fun, lol. Please excuse me for nerding out
Analysis
Even before they got into the Underground, Clover thought to themselves "Ok, this is a dangerous mountain and I ain't coming back, I'm probably gonna die and therefore not live to see the rest of my life play out BUT I'm gonna follow my values anyway. They're worth the risk." To me, right off the bat, that's Fi over Ti (aka inner values and morals over inner facts and logic).
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I've done some research on this stuff and found out how "Fi knows the value of something not by analyzing it but by feeling it deep inside themselves that it is how it should be" Ti has to be as objective as possible, Fi doesn't. So I sat down and thought about how exactly Clover approached situations.
I feel like their main reasoning for being in the Underground were their inner values and beliefs of finding out what happened to the children. That's why I'd say they're an introvert rather than an extrovert (it's not because they're quiet and reserved, although they are, but because Clover's inner world affects their outer world). Now, both Ti and Fi look inward, and those inner thoughts and feelings affect how they interact with the external world. The real question is: is Clover objective enough to be considered a dominant Ti user?
We can see in the Vengeance route that Clover is stubborn with their beliefs and refuses to look at things from a more... logical POV: "Asgore killed five humans. Is it fair to wipe out every other monster in my way who gives me even the slightest reason to do it?" Martlet was the only exception because she was the only one who had tried to be nice and understanding. Clover's dark side is that they're tunnel-visioned and see morality as black and white (don't look deeper as to WHY the monsters do what they do), and blindly follow their own beliefs over what objectively makes sense. Just like Ceroba, who I'm positive is a feeler (she only considers how she felt about Chujin and not how skilled of an engineer he actually was, even when there's clear proof he wasn't the best at his job). 
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Objectively, it's not fair to kill so many monsters after only five humans were killed. If Clover wanted fair vengeance, they would have stopped after five monsters were killed. But no. According to Clover's own logic, everyone morally imperfect, everyone who's hurt them, who tried to hurt them, or messed up somehow, must die. So, Clover isn't thinking about what makes sense; they're thinking about what makes sense to THEM, and stubbornly hold onto that till the end (again, like Ceroba), even after Martlet's warnings. She says how the Royal Guard will be after them.
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The logical (T) thing to do would be to STOP before things become even messier, but once again, no. Clover doesn't care about the consequences, only fulfilling their mission that is driven by their own set of values. No matter which route you choose, you will be presented with Clover's own version of what "justice" means. It's not the objective truth, it's not what's the logical thing to do; they follow their own framework based on their (our) choices.
"If unhealthy INFPs are dealing with threatened values or viewpoints that oppose their own, they can go the other way and imagine that others are all corrupt, thinking badly of them, and deluded. They may see themselves as the only people who see “the truth”, or the only people who really care to make a difference in the world. They can become especially harsh and critical of others and take on a martyr role, gradually secluding themselves from other people". - this feels like geno Clover; they thought they were the hero but they were playing the villain all along
Now that I think about it, the logical thing to do, the one that makes the most sense, would be never to have entered Mt. Ebott in the first place. And if vengeance was what Clover wanted to do, it is fair and makes objective sense to kill only five monsters (since that's how many humans died). But as explained, Clover didn't follow that logical conclusion, but rather their own twisted sense of justice. The same goes for neutral. It's Clover who chooses who gets to live and who gets to die based on their own beliefs and feelings, which are not backed up by facts. Everything they do they do because they themselves feel like it should be done. They are the one who decide who gets to live and who doesn't based on their own opinion/how severe they think the misdeed of the final boss is. This counts for the regular monsters who attack them, too; again, THEIR own subjective decision.
For example, they might see Dalv's actions as acceptable/forgiveable and spare him, but not Starlo's and kill him. Objectively, both characters are messy in their own way, but Clover gets to be the "judge" and decide their fate, not objectively looking at the situation, but subjectively. In short, according to them, Dalv may deserve to live, but not Starlo. 
And even if they're a dominant Ti user, which I don't think they are, Clover is more past and future-oriented than present-oriented (N over S). As mentioned, they thought about how much they'd risk by going down Mt. Ebott (potentially dying, and definitely never seeing the surface ever again, or their family) but they followed their heart's desires; to them, morals and ethics (their own morals and ethics) were more important than what the more logical thing to do was (stay on the surface where it's safe).
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In other words, they could already "predict" what would happen in the future, while in the present moment (the beginning of the journey).
And right before sacrificing their soul in pacifist, they think about how their death would affect ALL the monsters in the future, whether they had directly met and befriended them or not, even though they wouldn't be there to see it.
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Clover seems to be able to easily move between the past, present and future, unlike sensors, who are mainly in the present moment (this is what I've heard somewhere at some point and remembered it, dunno how true it is). They can easily recall the past, and what they remember are things that moved them on the inside.
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I've heard some of my friends say that Clover's character arc was to become a kinder person (develop their Fe), which, honestly, I don't think is the case. They simply acted on their inner views of what justice truly means, without further analyzing whatever they believed justice to be.
In pacifist, they're naturally selfless and kind and forgiving: a bit of a prankster, but they're one of "the best souls" according to Martlet. Just look at the ACT options that they used to befriend monsters. Quietly listens to Decibat, offers Dalv a handshake (and friendship), easily forgives Martlet, Starlo, and even Ceroba (+ gives her a hug), endures so many hardships yet keeps their heart pure and selfless. 
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They were always driven by something bigger than themselves (like Chujin, who I also think is a N user).
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ISTPs are more adventurous and independent and flexible and focused on current problems in the present moment; Clover has been future-oriented from the start; they depended on Toriel to take care of them, and didn't try to immediately "adapt" to the monster world. Their 1st reaction was to stay safe and cozy. ESTJs (yeah, at some point I thought Clover could be one) are more "ruthless" in their pursuits, they "force" others to adopt their inner values. Clover doesn't do this in any route; they simply act upon their own beliefs, but aren't demanding that other monsters to have those same beliefs.
That's why I think they're an INFP.
Functions
Fi (dominant) – "If something goes against their moral code, they will not go through with it." It went against Clover’s moral code to spare monsters in genocide and abort the mission, so they didn’t, regardless of Martlet’s warnings.
"Fi dominants are inclined to speak up against beliefs or actions that go against their personal values or express disapproval of certain behaviors." I can't find the screenshot, but in the Mines, if you interact with the character who's in the same room as one of the puzzles, Clover will find out how that character pulled a prank on that guy who later got a promotion in the pacifist end credits (I need to reply the game to find the screenshot). But basically Clover was upset that their own morals weren't met and gave them a "disapproving look" or smth
"Ti dominants most often feel compelled to speak out when people are acting inconsistent (ie: contradicting themselves) or when people are being illogical from the Ti user’s perspective." I think Clover reacted to the above situation as a Fi user
"Unlike Fe users, Fi users are very blunt and direct. Fi and Te creates a person who is brutally honest about their opinions and feelings. If they don’t like a person, they will let that person know." Not a person in this case, but an example of this are the options we get for Martlet's questionnaire. Clover will have no problem honestly giving her the lowest scores for both questions; we also also get the chance to honestly tell Ceroba that we're not into Starlo's training. There are these cases where they're direct as well:
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...and blunt:
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they would have given at least a smile or a thumbs up, but no, their honest opinion is their honest opinion
"They appear cold and withdrawn, but tend to warm up as they get to know a person."
Ne (auxiliary) – "Ne views a situation from multiple angles and motivations" I feel like this is best seen in pacifist; this is exactly why Clover decided to give up their soul in the end; they saw all the motivations of the monsters, from many different angles. On the flip side, in the vengeance route, it’s the complete opposite situation: Clover only looks at things from their own pov, completely disregarding others. That’s the thing about the INFP dark side: INFPs become "disillusioned or stuck in their ways." This 100% describes Clover at their worst: stuck in their ways is already explained, while we can say they were disillusioned when even Martlet turned against them/gave up on them (in Genocide). That was enough of a reason for Clover not to feel bad about finishing her off. They never liked her, but they definitely liked her more than anyone else, so I’d say it counts.
"Creative, open-minded, and able to think outside the box" We can say Clover’s creative when they build Axis’ robot companion, solved the two puzzles in the Mines, they’re also most likely into role-playing just like Starlo, based on their clothes (and they seemed into the whole larping thing with him), and how they seem to be into drawing; open-minded, definitely (Clover with everyone; the pacifist route in a nutshell); able to think outside the box (this goes hand in hand with them being creative: I forgot to mention the many creative ways they found to befriend monsters)
"Ne lives in the present like Se does but makes connections to past and future." Imo, this is exactly what Clover does (their sacrifice in the future, and all the things other monsters had said to them in the past; however, they DO interact with the present world at the same time. This is what I meant when I mentioned how they "jump from and connect all 3")
Si (tertiary) – "happy in their comfort zone" Is this Clover? Yeah. Initially, this was their "default" reaction/behavior: with Toriel. They subconsciously became more independent thanks to good old Flowey. As I said, their values led them to take the risk and come into the Underground in the first place, not adventure/excitement (the way I see it). Were they also seeking the truth? Yeah again, they wanted to know the truth behind the whole situation, but I think it had more to do with how they had found the fact that no other humans bothered to look for the kids immoral.
"Si users may draw on their past experiences to guide their present actions and decisions" Example, how the detailed lines they remembered everyone said in true pacifist, influenced them to make the decision to die in the present moment. Or when they asked Ceroba if she would date Starlo, after hearing and remembering Crestina mention his crush on her beforehand, wanting to set them up.
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"Si users have a strong memory for past experiences and details" Yep, explained above. Also, dunno if this counts as noticing details, but we can make them beat the Shufflers’ game with ease.
"Si users are typically practical and realistic in their approach to solving problems" The Snowdin mini-quests come to mind (although they use past information here too to figure out what each character needs to be helped). Also, how they fixed the elevator by using a pickaxe (most practical & realistic choice). They’re also pretty rational while dealing with Guardener, and in general, while dealing with enemies.
Te (inferior) – I guess this is why I suspected they could be an ESTJ.
"seen as leaders" By everyone.
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"Come up with ideas quickly" Pretty much throughout the game. They’re more low-key about this than ESTJs though.
"Ruthlss and domineering" This is them in vengeance route
"Extraverted Thinkers recognize the emotional content, but then they set it aside to focus on the facts" I feel like this inferior function of theirs is mostly seen in flawed pacifist. They recognized Ceroba’s emotional situation, but chose to be fair and just instead.
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"Te users are logical" Recognizing the dangers of the Underground and deciding to stay with Toriel. We can also say it makes sense that Clover attacked those who attacked them first, and finished Ceroba off (Te is what is objective, but from the external world)
"Though they are generally free spirits, they like to have a certain order in their lives. They do enjoy structure, just as long as it does not intrude with their feelings/morals/ethics/etc. They like to be the ones to create the structure, not to have the structure to be created for them."  Vengeance route and Clover’s "mission" come to mind. Basically, the structure is that, whoever Clover sees as morally flawed, gets to die. And they stick to it
tl;dr this picture pretty much explains the way I see Clover's functions in a nutshell ↓
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ghoulphile · 17 hours
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no but like you're so right walton says that cooper thinks of barb as "the devil incarnate" in that interview and she may as well have sold her soul the second she made that proposition and like you said, it's so tragic... in ep8 when he demanded hank for the location of his family, you just sorta already know he's only trying to get janey back and in the mean time, mess up the corporate scum that sent the world (his world) to hell - barb being one of them what kind of love is there when it meant subjecting the human race to nuclear warfare, all for the sake of profit and the idea of becoming "new rulers" of the surface? his love was shattered into bits, left him a broken and bitter man because of a wife who severed that trust not to mention, the awful betrayal that resulted from this that forced cooper (as the ghoul) to do stuff he wouldn't have done if things were simply different ughjdsjs 😵‍💫 i just think it's neat writing... lots of tots bc i feel he sees so much of that hurt in lucy too which sets up for thick character potential in s2 anyways sorry this got long ily thank u for hearing me out
1000%!!!
i remember there was a walton interview going around too where he sees lucy's naivety and wants to poke at her because of it. with all of their similarities and parallels, she's a reminder of who he used to be at the beginning of this all - the soft, squishy parts of himself he's had to kill (or hide) in order to survive the wasteland.
the golden rule seems to be something he lived by pretty strictly pre-war, and lucy is unfettered by all the horrors surface dwellers face. she is very much a living timecapsle of a universe that no longer exists and very few people remain who remember it (cooper being one).
there's this moment - i cant remember which episode but i noticed it during my first watch and it hurts just as much every time i re-watch - but it's when cooper is doing the vault tec ads for the first time, and puts on the suit.
after greeting the exes he pauses to ask if the suit really blocks radiation like they say it does - the exes look at barb who narrows her eyes and gives a little nod, GIVES THEM THE GO AHEAD TO LIE RIGHT TO HER HUSBANDS FACE BC SHE KNOWS IF HE KNEW THE TRUTH OR IF THERE WAS ANY DOUBT TO THEIR VALIDITY, HE WOULDN'T BE DOWN TO ADVERTISE!
And that just gut punches me every time bc Cooper has such a strong moral code, and its taken advantage of so often and so easily by so many people (including the ones that are closest to him).
And we see that in Lucy.
She always wants to do the right thing, wants to abide by the idea that everyone is inherently good and just. That no one has ulterior motives and people can be taken at face value.
JUST AIGHDJHKLSGFUYS IDK WHERE IM GOING BUT YESS!!! I have soo many thoughts about so many of the characters lmao. I'm so excited to see what they do with season 2.
ALSO I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE❤️!!!
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welcomingdisaster · 21 hours
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Russingon 5, 12, 13?
5. "Lies came between them": what are your thoughts on the relationship between Fingon and Maedhros during the fraught period of the Unrest of the Noldor?
I have a few different versions of this! Here's one:
As their fathers increasingly grow apart, Maedhros is generally the one who is more willing to doubt his father. He will never directly go against him, but he will sometimes (in private) voice thoughts along the lines of "dad takes things a little too far" or "I think x is kinda overblown" or w/e. Meanwhile, Fingon is the one who will absolutely stand by Fingolfin no matter what. After all, Fingolfin is the reasonable one, isn't he? He didn't threaten his brother with a sword. He's not endlessly whisking his sons away for stupid arrogant reasons. He's well-spoken and cool-headed and he's a great dad and shut up Maedhros Fingon will not hear a single word against him.
Anyways, one day Maedhros comes to Fingon all exasperated like, "Can you believe it, my father asked me to tell me your comings and goings? I delayed him for now and I'll just tell him the bare minimum but I cannot believe he'd asked me to spy" and Fingon is like "? Well, annoying that he's doing this, but I don't see the big deal. I tell my father everything he asks me about you, it's just what you do" and Maedhros does not talk to him for a year.
(And when he does, pre-EoN, it's very icy).
12: How did the relationship end? Were they together until Fingon’s death, or did they break up before that?
IMO they were back together until Fingon's death! United front at the Union of Maedhros, fucking on the Map table, talking about their cute little plans once they win the war, etc etc. 13: Did they ever get back together after re-embodiment? If so, how did it happen?
Well, if you assume Maedhros gets reembodied... yes, because it's more fun and they're my OTP, haha.
Anyways, I think Maedhros is sort of a recluse post-reembodiment. Very much keeping to himself. Not convinced on the whole living thing. Having issues with himself and also everyone around him.
Fingon has been prepared to dramatically reject him (due to all the, you know, crimes) when he shows up at his doorstep, but... he just keeps not showing up at his doorstep. Which hurts -- they'd been together for centuries, and now Maedhros won't even give him the chance to throw a glass of wine in his face and tell him it was all for nothing. Did he not matter?
Anyways, Fingon starts doing things specifically to get Maedhros' attention (does he know that about himself? IDK. Not always.). These things include garishly competing in jousting tournaments, drunkenly serenading Valinor with Their Song, sucking Ingwion's dick in the public baths so everyone talks about it the next morning, etc etc. All of these things convince Maedhros that Fingon wants absolutely nothing to do with him, so he avoids Fingon harder.
Eventually circumstances force them together, romcom style, and naturally they hook up. And keep hooking up from there. Fingon dares you to say something about it.
(Sobbing regretful confessions of guilt come much later, and they get back together for real, but it takes them some time to get there).
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iamumbra195 · 2 days
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I hate when people talk about Ashler like it’s inconceivable to ship them.
They’ll be like “Oh, they had so much beef, they’re barely even friends.” Genuinely asking here, have you even read the webtoon if you think that?
Tyler had issues with practically everyone at the beginning, hell, most of the kids didn’t even like each other. Ben, Aiden, Ashlyn, and Logan all thought he was a jerk and he was acting like one because he was trying to protect himself and Taylor and the whole situation was stressful as hell. That’s why his character development is so good. Even Ashlyn remarks that he’s being less of a jerk in one chapter and Taylor says that he's begun to see the others as real friends, maybe even family.
They all eventually became allies and then friends, including Ashlyn and Tyler. Sure, they like to throw some sarcastic remarks at each other but that’s just their sense of humour and part of the appeal of their friendship. Same with Aiden and Tyler, they insult each other all the time but the insults that were originally meant to hurt are now used affectionately.
He gave Ashlyn a nickname guys. He gave a jokey nickname to cheer her up because she felt terrible about the fact that she had to leave him behind while he got terribly hurt, while he died. She literally started crying out of guilt and being overwhelmed by the whole situation. She cares about him and he cares about her and the whole gang cares about each other, which is why there are so many ships in the fandom to begin with.
So stop acting like anyone who ships Ashler is stupid and stop saying ‘they’re like siblings’ on every post about them. We know it’s probably not gonna be canon, hell, Red herself said romance isn’t the focus of the webtoon at all.
I don’t even like shipping in general but the TikTok fandom keeps pissing me off. Stop acting like everyone has to ship the same things as you and stop commenting shit like ‘cute edit but I wish it was Aidlyn’ or ‘They’re just friends, they act like siblings’. Like yeah, they’re not canon but you’d have to be blind if you couldn’t see why some people ship it. Stop shitting on people’s ships and let them have their fun, we all know they’re not canon.
NONE OF THEM ARE.
Anyway, that’s the end of my rant. Sorry, I keep getting Ashler hate every time I search it up on TikTok. It’s so stupid and annoying, let people ship who they want in peace and stop undermining Ashlyn and Tyler's canon friendship and character development to shit on people’s ships. It’s an insult to the characters and your ability to read between the lines.
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Live, Laugh, Love Ashler.
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egnogginbits · 1 day
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lady whistledown will always be a major point of contention be it for the viewers or for the characters themselves. im NOT here to discuss nor engage in any of that but rather im here to advocate for more explorations of penelope leaning into that aspect of her. yup.
penelope will forever be the most interesting and complex character for me especially in bridgerton because the addition of lady whistledown in contrast to the bright, airy, and sort of fantastical setting of bridgerton is so highlighted, but it's done well that it serves as a tool that not only propels the plot but also fractures the brightly-colored lenses we watch the show through and makes the characters more grounded in reality (because she holds the mirror to every person of the ton, including herself, reflecting that they are equally messy as they are refined in the way they carry themselves).
anyway, dear me, im rambling! what im advocating for is more of penelope being LW, like really leaning into that "Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me?" aspect of her because she is tame. she is gentle. until, of course, this circus life made her mean. but don't worry folks, they already took out all of her teeth! oh, but honey, she will leap from the gallows and levitate down the street, crash the party and like a record scratch she'll scream, "who's afraid of little old me?" and honestly, you really should be.
and cut scene to her pushing love (in the shape of a stubborn, stubborn but equally tormented man) away because seriously, colin bridgerton! she's already got a lot on her plate! there are mobs hunting her down, the queen is hunting her down, the world is hunting! her! down! and he won't ever have it in him to handle this—all of this...even if she wants to. even if everything in her is screaming to let herself go for it. because how could she? how could she when she knows she doesn't deserve this and that it'll hurt her even more when she confirms that he's as afraid of her as everyone else.
lady whisteldown was a girl's angry cry to the void that somehow landed on the people's ears until it became this whole thing that's bigger than her, bigger than the world that never welcomed her in its fold. it's a double edged sword that granted her the means to fight for herself and for the space she was discouraged of taking up, but came with it a nasty glaring wound that never closes just festers. it cripples her as much as it empowers her, it's a dichotomy, an interesting paradox that shouldn't be perceived in black and white.
and then as we explore her stepping into that power she will have to face the ugly parts of her and grapple with the conflicting feelings of guilt, anger, and isolation. like that's powerful.
ive read a fic of this nature once and i LOVED it and it was amazing ++ it also explores characters like eloise and edwina (another untapped character!) it's called gone girl and i still think about it at least thrice a day.
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teals33r · 1 year
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Kismesistude at first sight is such a funny concept. Karkat immediately hated johns guts so bad he wanted to become his archenemy forever
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vristrogen · 12 days
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something about people calling vrisrezi "toxic yuri" always puts me off. i understand the lack of words to really put their dynamic but like you know theyre in a relationship thats largely good for them right. they arent dating because "it sucks but it would be worse without each other" they genuinely really love each other a lot
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fearandhatred · 1 month
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i was thinking about this line from my fic:
But the fall had hurt, too. Because the wind had cut into his useless wings like knives, his skin and grace peeling away under the friction, and he had been looking right up at the multicoloured and unreachable expanse of sky just to see it fade from his eyes into dull greys.
and i came up with this. i hope the vision came through
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qpjianghu · 2 months
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(...but what if I was?)
Li Lianhua / Li Xiangyi | Mysterious Lotus Casebook (2023)
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corpsentry · 3 months
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at the asian american studies sponsored movie screening i run out of my seat to press a button for the presenter and you look away, not in shame, but in anger
go make your own movie.
One where you’re the star
and everything’s my fault
the way you want it to be. I know, it’s easy
to let someone else hold this grief
and sit in the bathtub,
all dressed up to go to the party.
Maybe in this movie it’s your party
and I the party crasher,
holding cymbals and a baseball bat, et cetera.
But we don’t stop getting older when we’re angry
and you’re only twenty,
can’t listen to lullabies at night,
can’t sleep without a blanket
over your head like you’re scared
of your own shadow. God, go
write your own movie.
You could do it,
you’re still
pretty. Angry? Me too.
The bathtub’s overflowing,
the bathroom’s flooding
with whatever you couldn’t say
to the poet with their palms glued shut
in a cheap simulacrum of prayer.
Didn’t you say you were tired? Angry? Me too.
Upset? Unhappy? Me too. Hungry? Lonely? Me too. Me too.
Standing barefoot in the grass
I remembered the month of bad weather.
How I parted the fog with broken hands each night,
looking for your voice.
Oh, I will not forgive you.
Not like this.
With your fingers splayed
against the brute February sky,
lips cracked open like windows,
waiting, like you always are, for me to say the first word.
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box-dwelling · 9 months
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I know that how much Phoenix suspected Kristoph is very vague and I like the idea he had very little clue but honestly the thing that makes me think he did is Trucy. Because I think there is absolutely no way Kristoph didn't want her dead. He tried to kill vera, child murder isn't above him. And Trucy was a far far bigger weak chain in his scheme than she was but she escapes him basically unscathed other than minus one parent, who lets be real was canonically a POS who tried to kill a woman over a poker game. She saw him give her the diary page. She has psychic lie defecting abilities and he is constantly lying. She's absolutely the biggest direct threat to his scheme.
I feel like if Phoenix genuinely trusted Kristoph he would have absolutely had the opportunity to kill her and tie up that loose end. Trucy's savvy and able to protect herself but she's also a child. It is a miracle she's still alive by AA4 and I think that has to be because Phoenix was protecting her because he knew he couldn't trust Kristoph around her.
#ace attorney#phoenix wright#kristoph gavin#trucy wright#aa4#Apollo Justice ace attorney#7yg#also i do just kind of prefer the idea of that this was a battle Phoenix knew he was fighting every day and knew he would probably lose#thats a more enjoyable angst for me#and it kind of makes a bit more sense for why he cut everyone off and isolated himself#like he knew that he was in the lions den and didn't want anyone else in there with him woth the exception of trucy who was inndanger anyway#and he knew he was the only one who understood this battle enough to protect her#but alternative explanations can include a krisnix one where kristoph genuinely didn't want to hurt Phoenix's daughter#but honestly my krisnix take is that he would because that man is possessive as fuck and wouldn't want Phoenix giving his attention to her#or it could be that Phoenix is clueless and trucy isnt and shes the one actually fighting the battle and protecting him#but thats also very very sad and i don't want to do that to her#maybe theyre both protecting the other but refusing to tell each other because they dont want to put the other in danger#that would be in character as fuck for the wrights#trucy fully in a ya adventure we cant tell our parents about the unspeakable horrors because then they'll get hurt#while Phoenix is trying desperately to just keep them both alive but doesn't want to put that burden on a literal child#idk i do genuinely just think its way way sadder if Kristoph is a known threat through most of the 7yg#but they know they cants pull away from him even as he poses a direct threat to them because that makes him even more dangerous#beanix
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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years
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That sad realization that not only did the undiagnosed autism lead to me not realizing my "friends" were actually bullying me the whole time I knew them but I was also unintentionally doing something similar to neurotypical friends because I didn't understand how we thought differently
#i just want yall to know that when i first wrote undiagnosed my phone autocortected that to undigested so. yeah#you heard it hear folks. autism is undigestable. thats why we all got tummy problems#anyway this is why is struggling with communication and maintaining relationships is a symptom#although my relationships always seem fine to *me* because im oblivious as fuck#and this is why autism questionnaires need to be phrased differently#alsp yeah. thinking about that one time i went to a summer camp and i joked about a girl in mine and my friends dorm#who was sleep talking that night. and one of the counselors immediately shamed me for bullying#like we were all there and awake. everyone already knew and laughed so i assumrd it was funny#but then suddenly *I* was being mean...? i understand more now but i wish someone explained it to me more gently#why did everyone laugh it was mean? i thought they laughed because it was funny#still dont understand why people laugh if something is hurtful. i didnt want to insult the girl either#i considered us friends and i was just trying to include her in the conversation#it was still not ok though...#theres another time that comes to mind when i said matter of factly that my sister was a liar#in front of her boyfriend who then very aggressively silenced me#i didnt understand why you would lie if you cant accept being a liar#it wasnt meant as an insult it was meant as the truth#but maybe if it was insulting she should stop lying#idk it was really weird#maybe this is why i didnt realize people where insulting me#because to them they were picking on me#but to me they were either stating a fact or falsely accusing me#i get embarrassed too of course but only because its whats expected of me#that makes me feel scared and inferior and alone. and thats what embarrassment feels like for me#it feels like everyone is unforgivingly looking at me with a magnifying glass
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quietwingsinthesky · 2 months
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thinks about the master calling susan ‘my dear’ when she’s barely taller than his knee and he’s looking after her for the doctor or her parents. thinks about the master calling susan ‘my dear’ when she’s older and he’s willing to put her in danger to force the doctor to do what he wants. gets ill.
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pinkopalina · 3 months
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as a huge batjokes shipper i want batman and joker to hate each other in the sense they dont really hate each other, they just have really different goals and see their own version of potential in the other and right now hate is the best word for their situationship. they both love the other for what they could be but neither of them wants to be what the other one wants, and that's equally as frustrating as it is necessary for them to keep existing in their current roles. they're deadlocked and that fate surrounding each other is kind of the point -- we both have to be like this, the opposite of what the other wants, for us to keep existing at all, and for giving me that gift i both love and hate you. it's an agreement. i think the hate that's there now is born from an intense underlying love.
i think batman "hates" joker for being so amazing and smart and cunning, for being able to create grand gestures and schemes, to pull people together under his charisma and make them all believe in something, for being as extraordinary as he is but batman hates that he uses it to hurt people. he hates that joker can't channel his energy into doing something good for the world, that he hurts himself and others just because he wants to be batman's greatest enemy. i think batman wants to help joker but also hates him at this point for joker exhausting him, constantly getting hurt both emotionally and physically by him, joker never trying to improve his situation, throwing away other people's lives, showing batman he loves him by lashing out and hurting him. batman hates joker because he loves his rogues, he wants to help them, and he knows they can do better. he wants to live in a gotham that doesn't need batman but he still needs to be needed, because when there's no batman, what is bruce going to be? without joker, he will continue being batman, but it's an empty crusade. some of my favorite interactions between harvey and bruce are the ones where harvey thanks bruce for "always being there for me, never giving up on me, my very best friend." even with someone like harvey, bruce can still hold onto that hope for his rogues, never give up on them, keep going for them, even if it puts them through the cycle one more time.
i think joker hates batman in the most toxic way possible, but it's still love. i just think he's selfish and doesn't want batman to think about anyone else but him, the same way he operates for batman, but if he must think about other people then joker will make it as amazing as possible! i think he hates batman for wasting his time on ordinary people, people who are so boring that batman claims he has to protect and serve and love them but joker thinks it's all surface-level. batman won't kill joker but he'll leave room for people dying in his crusade. it's a choice he allows, and even if joker knows that's a morally fucked up way to put someone in a box, he doesn't care. batman is the type of person to train himself mentally and physically for decades and dress up in a half-silly-half-menacing costume so that everyone can have an idea about him. batman himself is not normal, and joker knows that and loves that! why is he wasting his time trying to save people that use him, abuse him, don't want him to be the best he can be? i think joker's motivations for loving batman and lashing out as if he hates him lie somewhere in between extreme admiration -- like i truly believe in your cause and that you're the right person to do it, but i'm so angry at you for wasting your time on other people and i'm so hurt and jealous that you choose them over me, just so you can be a hypocrite and let them die if i want them to anyways -- and anger at his hypocrisy -- like it's easy for joker to dedicate himself to chaos and just being in batman's life by putting batman in situations that force him to be a better and better hero, but how can batman sit there and choose and pick what morals he'll uphold and who gets to live and who gets to die?
i want to be your greatest enemy because you are the greatest hero ever, and the only way you and i can keep being the best at what we do is if we do it together, because of what we both believe in.
#does this make sense. they love each other because theyre perfect for each other#but in order to create that perfection they have to do things that build resentment#and in order to ebb that resentment they have to be in constant flux. back and forth. ebb and flow. good and evil. chaos and order.#obsession and indifference.... the two themes i think we miss out on the most bc it hurts when indifference is the opposite of love#and obviously these two cannot be indifferent toward the otther#but when they have plots that do they really fucking hurt!#like when lex luthor comes into the picture and helps joker and joker starts to make batman a little jealous#like okay maybe i dont need you to obsess over maybe any strong ideals can overtake me if u lnow what i mean#and then suddenly batmans gotta prove how well he knows joker and has to be on top of him at all times#um anyways i hope these kind of! made sense!!!!!!!!! djhdkjghijsdfhksdfh#like ideally i think joker just wishes he had batman all to himself but knows he has to share#and hes such a jealous baby that he makes it hard for batman bc of it#and batman is like yes joker jesus fucking christ i love you too but you have to let me have friends#and u have to stop killing people#and jokers like why are you friends with murderers and liars and thieves but IM BAD?#and batmans like bc i actually love everyone and want to help you all and that includes u#and jokers like jo fuck you hypocrtie hahaha see at least in my loneliness i have no laurels to rest on#and bruce is like i may struggle with my morals often but that is only because im always figuring out the best way to keep helping everyone#and if i lose sight of that ill go blind and be like you and then u wont have me anymore#lol sometimes funny tag convos get the dynamic better than the meaty posts#long post#anyways sorry i just havee 2937973957273 thoughts about them and so does everyone and i wanna throw my hat in
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goldkirk · 1 year
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#sometimes it really hurts more that they’re well intentioned#and love me and want me to be part of the family still#than if they didn’t try to keep me included at all#like just. it just is rough that they’ll never acknowledge I’m living with a partner and committed#and have been in the relationship for years#they want me to come be a part of things and they want me to be happy and#they send a congrats on your new home card but don’t mention her. they include me in a family vacation jigsaw puzzle but not her even though#i told them I won’t lie to the kids and that she and I are a package deal for family parties and things if we do come into town for them#I can’t stop trying because I’ve seen them be so diffferent with the grandkids than to me on some things#and I’ve seen some of them treating me pretty normal despite everything about their beliefs#but I just#don’t know how many years it’ll take for me to learn to navigate this weird zone#I can’t talk to friends because they don’t understand how good and genuine my family is and only know the parts that hurt me in the past yrs#and I can’t talk to family because they get how good my family is at the heart of things but can’t understand the bad parts enough to#get how half of me wished I could never have to remember any of the good because it’s hard to protect myself if I do#but the line between black and white has to be walked#even if ONLY for my own sake because I have to un train black and white thinking from every area of my worldview#but anyway#it’s just hard. nothing particularly to be done about it. I just need to say it’s hard sometimes#it doesn’t seem to hurt less each time#it’s the same#but I think I’m getting better at not letting it affect my actual daily experience for as long now#idk#it’s hard. it will be for a long time. it’s worth trying anyway.#I know we’re double nope in that we’re queer and we’re not even civil married much less sacramentally married#so we’re in like five separate levels of mortal sin yadda yadda#but I tell you x hurts and you do x again and it sucks. I see you improving in other ways so I have hope but GOD it sucks right now. fuck#shh katie#personal
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