#but idk i used to freak people out when I'd be myself when i was young lol

[butchcharliee]

☆

[httpiastri]

more than enough – jmm21

you hate your birthday, but pepe is determined to change your mind.

genre: fluff/a little angsty/comfort

pairing: reader x college!pepe marti, ft christian mansell and sebastian montoya

warnings: uhhh anxiety and such ?? idk

word count: 2.6k

author's note: just like last year, this is merely a very self-indulgent birthday gift to myself (and a bit of a late birthday gift for a friend on here who confided in me about not liking their birthday either), so sorry if you don't relate but i needed to write this for myself despite how painful it was. not happy with how it turned out but, i had to get it out of my system. <3 (also not proofread because i will freak out likely aaaaa)

this is mostly a standalone fic but ig it kinda works as college!pepe so i put that there. i got this idea at my mom's birthday back in march but never actually wrote it until this last week... also loosely based on a tiktok that really spoke to me.

also! this doesn't really work with the headcanon of pepe, seb and chris all sharing an apartment, but i wanted it this way. i also wasn't comfortable including gaby or hermes, so i used the names nora and emma for seb's and chris's respective gfs. :)

"why didn't you tell me your birthday is next week?"

the question is innocent enough, only borderline accusing, but something tightens in your stomach nonetheless. you don't look up from the pot in your hand, however, instead continuing to scrub it with your dishbrush like it's no big deal. "who told you that?"

pepe chuckles as he makes his way over to your side, leaning against the counter as he looks at you. "emma," he tells you, crossing his arms over his chest. "going to answer my question now?"

"i must've forgotten to tell you."

"oh, come on..." your boyfriend shakes his head. "is there a reason i wasn't allowed to know? did i do something? do you not trust me? am i-"

"pepe," you say, his name followed by a sigh as you look over to him in hopes of stopping his rambling. "it's nothing personal."

"what is it, then?" he presses, eyes following your hands as they begin to rinse the pot he'd cooked your pasta in just a couple hours ago. "why don't you want to tell me?"

you take a deep breath, shrugging your shoulders before turning off the tap. "i just... i'm not a big fan of my birthday."

the biggest understatement of the year.

you hate your birthday.

for a number of reasons, really. some to do with your family and childhood; many to do with your own inner thoughts and feelings.

you hate how it reminds you of every bad birthday you had as a kid. you hate how it makes you hopeful that people will remember and congratulate you, because you hate how painful it is when they don't. you hate how you always get reminded of how little people seem to care, and how they always prioritize themselves even on what's supposed to be your day.

it's too much of a mess to explain to him right now – maybe, hopefully, one day you'll have the energy and courage to go through it all.

you hadn't forgotten to tell pepe; you had just been silently hoping he wouldn't address it, and that everyone else would forget, too. but apparently, you have a snitch in your friend group. "what do you mean?" pepe asks.

"i'd much rather not celebrate it." you place the pot on the drying rack, wiping your hands on your towel hanging by the stove before turning to him. "a lot of stuff regarding my birthday just makes me really upset. if i could, i'd just... make it disappear, honestly."

your eyes flicker to the floor, fingers nervously fiddling with the sleeve of your shirt. he can tell you don't want to get into it, and he won't push you. instead, he opens his arms wide, taking a step forward. you accept the offer instantly, arms wrapping around his waist as he pulls you close.

the air in your little dorm room isn't as thick as you had expected it to be when telling him all of this – but at the same time, you aren't surprised. pepe has always had a way of grounding you, making everything seem a bit easier. "i can't make it completely disappear, i think," he says, placing his chin on top of your head. "but i can pretend for you."

you hum contently, letting your eyes close for a few moments. "that would be great."

he remains quiet for a couple of seconds, but then he can't stop himself from talking again. "do you really not want anything? no party? you threw me that party for my birthday, i'd feel guilty not doing anything back."

"i did it because you had a fun time and you like those things, and because i enjoyed planning it. but i was really hoping i could skip all that," you answer, pulling away ever so slightly to look up at him with a sheepish expression. "i would honestly rather have dinner with you, emma, nora, sebas, chris... maybe get some takeout from that new indian place down the road?"

to pepe's ears, you sound more than just a tiny bit crazy – but your being so different from him is one of the things that attracted him in the first place. he nods, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. "whatever you say, love."

"where did your girl go?" emma asks the second pepe slumps into a free seat by the cafeteria table.

your boyfriend shoots a glance over his shoulder back to the serving line before setting his plate down. "they were out of rice so she's just waiting for a new batch," he says with a shrug.

"okay then, let's be quick before she gets here," emma speaks up again. "what are we doing for her birthday? it's just a few days away, but i think we can pull something off."

"me and seb were talking about throwing her a surprise party," nora says, looking over at sebastian who's nodding excitedly.

pepe, however, lets out a dismissive sound and swats the air with his hand. "no, forget about that," he says, stuffing a spoonful of pasta into his mouth. "she doesn't want any of that."

nora snorts. "what? of course she does."

"you know, pepe," emma counters, eyebrows raised at the spaniard. "every girl will tell you that she doesn't want a surprise party. don't bother, i don't care, you don't have to do all that for me! but in reality, we're all secretly craving it."

pepe considers her words for a few moments; maybe there is some truth in them after all. maybe all you did was try to act modest, to put the idea in his head so he would make the right choice.

but you weren't the one to bring up the subject – he was. he remembers clearly how you were doing your very best to avoid talking about your birthday at all, and the memory of how tough of a subject it seemed like to you is still etched into his mind. he thinks you were so brave to confide in him like that, and so he needs to stand up for you. he can't dishonor your trust.

"trust me, guys. she really doesn't want it." he ignores the groans of the people around him, taking a few sips of his water before continuing. "can't we all just grab some dinner on saturday instead? maybe that new indian place?"

"works for me," christian joins in. "how about presents, then?"

"right, are we all buying something together, or separate gifts?" emma fills in.

pepe shakes his head yet again. "i don't think she wants that, either." his words are followed by a long silence, which makes him unable to hold back a chuckle. "just paying for the food should be enough."

nora sighs dramatically, the palms of her hands pressing into the sides of her face. "and i'm supposed to just trust you, huh?" she asks and pepe merely shrugs, focusing back on his food. "hope you're not messing with us here, marti."

"i have no idea what he said, but he usually is," your voice spreads through the group as you finally take a seat at the table. "fill me in and i'll help you decide if he's just being annoying."

"i was just telling them about what mr. peterson said yesterday," pepe says quickly. "about what he'll do to everyone who fails the exam."

you throw your head back laughing, nodding instantly. "oh my god, that was hilarious. so, it started with someone on the front row asking about..."

pepe loves birthdays. his own, too, but mostly he finds himself looking forward to his friends' birthdays and longing to celebrate the important people in his life. he loves picking out gifts, planning celebrations, and making sure everything is perfect. it just comes naturally for him to be caring and detailed in that way.

but while pepe eagerly awaits your birthday, you couldn't even come close to feeling the same way.

most years, you spend the weeks leading up to your birthday dreading it, and the day of your birthday crying, because your birthday reminds you of everything you try to forget year-round.

pepe wants to make the day perfect for you, but he also obviously doesn't want to do too much. it's a hard task, but he's set on making it work – and the first step is getting a cake.

his first thought was to get you something huge, something to properly convey what he thinks you deserve and how much he loves you. though, it didn't take long for him to realize that something like that would be way too much for you. instead, he settled on a more basic yellow cake with some kind of white coating that the lady in the bakery recommended to him, and dropped by the grocery store near campus to buy sprinkles and a bunch of candles.

the end product is a little messy, but created with so much love, and pepe knows you're going to adore it. what he doesn't know is how he managed to keep you away from his refrigerator and the surprise hiding in it all night yesterday, but it doesn't matter – all that matters is that you're currently still sleeping soundlessly in his bed, with no clue of what's going on over in the kitchen.

pepe's hands are trembling slightly as he lights up the candles; he is a little nervous, he will admit, but he's also excited at the same time. he can't wait to see the look of surprise on your face, so he hurries up and places the cake on a tray along with two cups of coffee.

he silently curses at the way his bedroom door creaks when he pushes it open with his foot, but thankfully you don't move a single muscle. he carefully scoots over to the side of the bed, sitting down next to you and balancing the tray in his lap. he reaches over with one hand to your cheek, thumb tracing along your skin, fingers settling under your jaw. "mi amor," he whispers, a soft hum leaving his lips as he watches your eyelids slowly flutter open. "happy birthday."

it takes a few moments for your eyes to adjust to the sunshine lighting up the room, but when they do, they can't help but focus on him. the goofy grin on his lips, the messy hair, the-

the cake on his lap.

you push yourself up to sit in bed, rubbing some sleep out of your eyes. you're mistaken, surely? you're still half-asleep, you must've imagined it...

but no amount of blinking makes the cake disappear. the little flames of the candles swaying in the air, the single drop of stearic rolling down the side of a candle, the rainbow sprinkles sticking to the top and sides of the cake – it's all very real.

pepe was so sure this was the right way to go. but seeing the tears begin to seep out of the corners of his eyes makes him horrified. he messed up.

he knew the sprinkles would be too much. and that amount of candles, what was he thinking? he definitely went overboard.

"oh my god," he says, instantly placing the tray on the bedside table before scooting closer to you. "i'm so so so sorry, i thought you would like it... i don't know what i was thinking. here, let me-"

you shake your head as he begins brushing away your tears with his thumbs, and to his big surprise, you chuckle. "don't be sorry," you say, letting out another laugh when you see the confused expression on his face. "i do like it. a lot." you reach up to take his hands in yours, bringing them down to the bed and intertwining your fingers. "it's just... very emotional, for me. as you can see."

he also chuckles now, and he thinks he understands – even though seeing your happy tears is more painful than he'd expected. "okay," he says with a nod. "so..." his eyes flicker back to the cake.

"yes, please. i mean, what could be better than a sugar rush first thing in the morning?"

pepe would've been so happy to shower you with presents to express how much he loves you; it would've made him so proud to invite all your friends to a big celebration, to show you how much you mean to all of them, to change your idea of a birthday. but this – sitting together in bed, eating straight from the cake (no plates needed), pressing sugary kisses to each other's cheeks – is another form of perfect.

he just hopes you think it's perfect, too.

hearing you tell the stories of how you needed to bake the cake for yourself if you wanted one as a child, how you always made sure to buy yourself a gift because the risk that no one else would get you one was too high, and how you always needed to plan out your own parties breaks his heart – but hearing you open up like that also means the world to him. he understands that it's all buried so deep inside of you, but there's nothing he wants more than to help you heal and to prove that you can have much better and bigger birthdays than that.

but for now, a little cake in bed and a ton of kisses will have to do.

baby steps.

"chris, will you pass me the chicken korma?"

he leans over the crowded couch table and holds out the takeaway box to nora, who takes it into her hands and thanks him. "that one is really good," you tell her through your mouthful of bread, nodding to your friend.

"what's the verdict, then?" sebastian asks from his seat over on the couch. "i need a rating from the birthday girl, one to ten."

"food? ten," you say, taking a sip of your soda. "company? ten."

birthday? eleven.

the whole day has been much better than you'd expected; from your wake-up this morning, to the lunch date you shared with pepe over in town after a cute walk along the river, to having your closest friends all gathered in your living room for you. you don't even mind the way your buttcheeks are already starting to hurt after sitting on the floor for too long – you knew you should've invested in more seating for moments like these – because all of this is worth it.

"agreed," pepe chimes in from next to you. "especially about the food."

"speaking of which," says emma. "was there any bread left?"

you're quick to jump to your feet, already turning towards the kitchen. "garlic or plain?"

"ooh, garlic! thank you!"

pepe hurries off the floor right after you, making up some excuse about getting a new spoon for one of the sauces, but no one even bats an eye. you hear him enter through the door, and you smile instinctively. "how are you feeling?" he asks when he reaches your side, hand finding the small of your back as you rummage through the takeaway bag. "is this all enough?"

"it's more than enough. so much more." after pulling out the garlic naan from the bag, you reach up to the side of his face with your free hand, brushing your thumb over his cheekbone. "best birthday ever."

you seal your words with a feather-light kiss to his lips, and he's still smiling when you pull away. "you promise?" he asks, eyes searching through yours for any slightest hint of insincerity or uncertainty.

"i promise." another kiss, followed by a gentle hum, and he visibly relaxes. "thank you."

"no, thank you." for opening up, for letting him do all this for you. for existing. "only happy birthdays from now on, okay? i will make sure of it."

"it could never be anything other than a happy birthday with you around."

[doberbutts]

I think the terms TMA/TME work best when they're used as rules of thumb, rather than expected to function as strict categories. They're often helpful, but occasionally they can become obfuscatory, and there are edge cases where they can't be neatly applied. In those cases, they should be set aside, but with an understanding that they will be brought back into conversations when helpful.

To give a personal perspective - I'm a trans masc individual who has, upon occasion, experienced misdirected transmisogyny. I was on T for 5 years, then came off it (partly due to health problems, partly due to starting to identify as nonbinary rather than as a man) and began presenting in a more feminine manner, and people would regularly mistake me for a trans woman.

When people thought I was a trans woman, I did notice an increase in hostility, harassment and unwelcome advances from strangers. Groups of men would shout at me in the street, mothers would glare at me and physically pull their children further away from me if I came near. I also started getting catcalled and couldn't enjoy a night out in a club without being groped. I'd experienced some of these things as a trans man and as a girl, but probably never at such a high frequency or so intensely.

I definitely think I got a taste of transmisogyny and people do still assume I'm trans fem from time to time. But I still wouldn't describe myself as TMA. I don't shout it from the rooftops, but if it feels relevant in the context of a conversation, I will say I'm TME. Because I think the terms are about overarching dynamics, rather than whether or not an individual has ever faced a single instance of transmisogyny.

For me, there was always a sense of distance between myself and any negative experience, that came from knowing they'd misread my AGAB - "that lad just called me a chick with a dick! How funny! I'd be so lucky!" / "You're harassing me for using the female showers at the gym when I am literally menstruating. Are you going to stop being a creep, or do I have to show you my bloody tampon?" There's a degree to which I can sidestep or disavow their idea of me in a manner trans women can't.

I also don't know what it's like to deal with many other elements of transmisogyny, or deal with it as an overarching narrative in one's life rather than a freak episode.

I think it's fair to say I have at times been a grey area and I could use my experiences to argue against the validity of TME/TMA, but I don't want to do that. I don't like it when the terms are just used as a way to say AFAB/AMAB while being perceived as less problematic. But I think it is helpful to have little shorthand reminders about specific power dynamics that do have an impact in our communities. I have absolutely seen transmisogyny play out in queer spaces, both online and IRL, and I think it's worth having vocabulary that emphatically reminds people to check themselves and to not assume they don't have internalised bias against trans women just because they're trans masc.

Trans women are a boogeyman in popular culture and the collective unconscious in a way trans men never have been (at least, not to anything like the same extent). Trans women face an intensity of monstering that I think most people won't understand unless they spend a lot of time sharing space with and listening to trans women. The rapid adoption of TMA/TME feels like an attempt to fast-track that understanding en masse. Maybe it's a bit clumsy, but I do think it's having an impact and important conversations are happening. I don't know if the terms will stick or fall out of use. Having been in the trans community for over a decade and seeing how our vocabularies evolve, I'm inclined to think they'll stick around for a few years and then largely disappear. But I feel that while trans women are finding them useful, we need to be respectful of that fact.

Idk sorry to rant in your askbox, I wanted to give my two cents. Feel free to ignore lol

I'm going to be a bit blunt here: in the span of time I've been off tumblr to, you know, sleep... I've gotten 20 different asks trying to convince me to like the usage of tma/tme and also several transphobic asks about my top surgery. The transphobic ones I blocked and deleted because I'm literally 3 weeks out and will not be dissuaded. But I'm simply not willing to continue arguing a point I've made very clear that I don't love the usage of this particular theory the way it's currently being used.

You can like it for yourself. I have said this over and over again. I do not like it for me, and do not think it is accurate for my life or my experiences or the reality that is what I have to go through on a regular basis. True to everything else that I've posted, I don't really care what you call yourself. If you want to call yourself TME and you believe that framework works for your experience, more power to you. Just don't label me that, because I don't think it works for mine.

Trans women are absolutely a boogeyman in a way that trans men often aren't. That is, unfortunately, one of the ways that hypervisibility is such a curse. Everyone knows what a trans woman is, and a good majority of those people also think the only good one's a dead one. That's bad. That's transmisogyny, and we should ally with trans women to help fix this problem.

Also unfortunately, as trans men become more and more visible to the world, instead of facing mass erasure and dying in silence or escaping to live in stealth, trans men are also beginning to become a boogeyman as well. Now we are a social contagion, a craze, with rapid onset gender dysphoria, mutilating ourselves and ruining our precious bodies, carving out our wombs, simultaneously debasing ourselves and also becoming predators lurking to snatch daughters up and forcefeed them our ideology, betraying women by becoming a mockery of men. What's worse, we tend to politically close ranks with trans women and cis women alike so it's harder for transphobic lawmakers to divide and conquer as they're used to with cis men, so instead they have to demonize us to prevent any further allyship.

That's the conversation trans mascs are trying to have.

Genuinely, I do agree that trans women face an othering that most people do not grasp without understanding transmisogyny theory, which is why I think everyone should have at least a basic understanding of it. But I also think that's true of many other demographics, and that if we want to get out of the pit that bigoted society put us in, we've got to work together to do so. It was, after all, the combined efforts of Marsha P Johnson AND Storme de Laverie that brought us out in the open. And among me friend group, we have people from all different races and backgrounds and genders and more locking arms to ensure the safety of each other, wanting to understand and know each other, lifting each other up.

[ashen-char]

i feel like max would totally freak out during her first gay awakening like... she's always been in heterosexual relationships (+with guys who didn't treat her well btw) so she would totally panic bcs?? she's always thought of herself as straight and suddenly she starts feeling something for a girl?

she would totally blush at a compliment or just simply bcs of the proximity of her girl crush around, although i think she wouldn't be straightforward and confess her feelings bcs well... it's max.

she would either ignore those feelings and try to move on (while ignoring the girl and hurting her by distancing herself) or she'd talk to frankie or sam about it (and they would support her 100%!!)

i feel like frankie and duke would tease her about it, tho. sam would totally be surprised at max's confession but would have a serious talk about it, saying how she's proud of her and would support her no matter if she was gay or not. i think that rich would also play an important role in here since he's always been like a "dad" to sam's kids (and don't forget how important his character was in the last season!!🤠) but also bcs he's gay himself and he would give max some advice, tell her his journey with his own sexual orientation and feel proud of her. i feel like her real dad would have some "but's" if he ever found out about it (idk he just looks like a total homophobe to me lol + considering how bad of a dad/ex husband he is since he always fucks something up). max would be hesitant about telling him about it, tho. knowing how he always lets everyone down i wouldn't even be surprised if she wouldnt tell him.

um, what else... i think max would totally be into rainbow stuff. yk, rainbow hats, rainbow umbrellas, bracelets, socks(😭) anything that reminds her of gay pride. i feel like she would be bisexual/lesbian (i'm a lesbian myself so obv max being a lesbian would be so 🥰🥰) but yeah she would totally have a lot of things in her room that have colors of her flag AND obv she would put a big ass pride flag above her bed. idk the thought of it just makes me happy 😭🤞🏻💞

thank u for listening to my ted talk . i'd love to see more similar stuff to this written by you on ur page and i hope you're doing ok <3 ^__^ i love ur works!!

long ask/response so read more below

oh god, max would be so confused at first. after a few times hanging out, max would catch herself flirting and realise that she's not even joking. that she wants to be around you way more than normal, in a way that's different than being comfortable with her other friends. because being around you doesn't make her comfortable! she feels really awkward and her heartbeat gets all funny and she worries about screwing up her words when she doesn't usually give a fuck about what others think. max finds herself worrying about what you're up to, if you laugh at her jokes, if you'll think what she's wearing is pretty. if you think she's pretty.

honestly, she doesn't even care about the guys she dates as much. there's so many times where max basically uses them as a prop, makes out with them because they're there and talks about them like they're not there. so it's even more confusing to name these feelings because it's completely not like her. and yeah, that feeling of being unsure would make her push you away. but feeling empty without you being near her would slowly eat at max's resolve, and she'd go to the people in her life who always help her figure stuff out.

when max talks about it to sam, sam helps in that half-cringe but very thoughtful way she always does. she'd tell max about a woman who tried pursuing her, mer (in season 3, i think? when max was in chicago for college iirc). frankie would probably walk in during this conversation, and max would be annoyed at both of them—sam for being gross and telling her about someone pursuing her (ew, no one wants to hear about that from their mom) and frankie for being so nosy—but max would eventually settle down and listen.

sam would tell max that whatever she's feeling is great, that the only thing that max might regret is not exploring these feelings and figuring herself out a little more. frankie would say something about how it's fine to not know what you are and just see how it fits and how you feel, relating it to how non-linear their discovery of their gender identity was. frankie would help her realise that everyone's story isn't the same, as frankie tells her these stories about their other LGBT friends. some people feel like they've always known and some people go so long but then have a sudden realisation, like max, but that's all valid and normal. but yes duke and frankie would totally make fun of max for freaking out and acting like this over a crush at her big age.

especially with rich and the other trusted adults in max's life (like phil who would be so happy for max too, and ask all about you), max doesn't need to tell xander about it! his absence in their lives means that he doesn't get to know the real them until he shows an interest in knowing them. if he doesn't act like a dad then he doesn't get to be one, yknow?

when sudden awakenings happen and you reflect on your past, it's funny to see what you've missed. max would look back and think 'shit, i totally had a crush on shego' or something as she looks back at her cartoon crushes. even super close friendships she had growing up, max will realise 'hey maybe it wasn't het of me that i wanted to impress her that bad' or 'wow, i was really jealous when she got a boyfriend'.

ultimately when max accepts that her identity is actually an exciting thing that she gets to discover about herself, she would adore pride. i think learning about the history, the many struggles it took to get this far, and the support of the community is bolstering for any baby gay. but especially with how sam talks to them about feminism and to be proud to be women, it'd be something max thrives in. figuring out whether she identifies as bi or pan or even a lesbian is something that she knows will come in time - for now, she'll be overwhelmed with the love and support she has from the people around her, and a new community with people just like her. (i think max would find the lesbian flag super pretty)

*insert max doing an 'am i gay quiz' nick from heartstopper-style*

thank you for the ask! i love these ted talks!! people loving these characters gives me so much motivation to write em, seriously.

[miyamoratsumuu]

tenya iida. [ur thoughts?]

[Jordan and Eli (Kade's younger brother) make jewelry for people. Mina almost passed out from pure excitement and Ejiro has an anklet that he wears whenever he's going out]

‼️this post contains slight manga spoilers‼️

AWH THAT'S SO CUTE!!! the love I have for jordan grows everyday 🙇🏻‍♀️ I absolutely love making handmade gifts/people that make handmade gifts is so endearing 🤲🏻

and kovu you don't know the monster you unleashed LMAO this would exactly be like the time you asked me about sero

IDK WHY HE HASN'T CAUGHT MY ATTENTION BEFORE?? probably because we're almost the same person when it comes to our classes lmao I'm not as for the lack of a better word "strict" as him though? so I just saw him as a more "intense" me, and maybe I didn't like that as much before, idk 😭 I'm literally hating on my past self rn cause there was a point where I slightly disliked iida but then one of my irls pointed out he was similar to me and uh yeah 🤠

BUT now that my mha hyperfixation is back and slowly catching up to my hq hyperfixation, I dunno like I said in one of my past posts I'm starting to see iida in a new light 😹 I'm so funny the way I switch up is crazy (I'm lowkey bashing on myself rn) ANYWAY i HATE how I never noticed how much of a gentleman he was before cause WHAT maybe it's just because of the nrw seasons and everything that's been happening in the manga but STILLLL

like the whole duration of the war where he constantly checked up on his classmates??? (e.g. todoroki, bakugou) AND after the war where bakugou and todoroki hid behind him when fangirls were after them LMAO PLUS HE'S SUCH A FAMILY ORIENTED GUY???? LIKE YES PLEASE?????

these fanfics/smau's really aren't helping with my incoming obsession with him, but pls pls keep it coming u guys. I love all of you who write for him, hihi

AAAAH I LOVE HIM!!!!! AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON HOW HE LOOKS WITHOUT THE ARMOR OF HIS HERO SUIT. AND WHEN HE HAS THE MASK ON???? PUHLEASE SIR

literally screaming into the palm of my hand as I was looking for this on pinterest 🙏🏼😕

ALSO another irl I have told me if I had a type for guys with glasses how come I don't gush about iida so much 👨‍🦯 AND I WAS LIKE HUH NO I DON'T? the way they proceeded to point out the different guys with glasses I've ever liked my whole life is crazy but we don't talk about that further

but then I was also like IDK EITHERRRR AND I FEEL SO BADDDD IIDA LITERALLY DESERVES ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD WHAT

and like my type in guys well irl I guess are ones that are taller than me (I live in the philippines and I RARELY see guys my age that are taller than me and I'm literally 5'6" 15 y.o. which is already pretty tall here in the ph ahahaha in my school there are literally like 5 guys that are in the same grade as me that are taller than me???ok, I'm getting off topic. but anyway, my like bare minimum in a guy is someone that's taller than me and smart (cause they gotta match my freak yk before the two of us get married we have to have been married to our academics first)

ok anyway and again, i absolutely HATE how I just noticed how iida fits that so perfectly??? my hate for my past self isn't even lowkey anymore I'm literally openly bashing myself

sero would always always be my #1, but I just think I'd like to give iida some of the love for now 🤲🏻😸

[cielles-random-vault]

vamp ghost brainrot do you see my vision

DO YOU SEE MY VISION?!?!?!?!?!

ok this is v random but apparently im on a creative spree so lets enjoy it while it lastssss

context: the idea came from when i noticed ghost had lil fangs on his mask and and and

reader is tf141's medic/nurse idk how you call it but you get it also shoutout to @unabashedcroissanttreefan (PHEROMONE IS BACKK) and @cluelylikesporn mwah

also reader is not white AND a vampire. boom. not black either but i like the concept of poc/mixed vampires (and poc vampires would look so cool) (i am mixed and id look so cool as an autistic soon-to-be-adult teen vampire and you cant tell me otherwise.)

wc: 1049

also trigger warning dislocation and blood (duh there's vampirism in this fic what did you expect /lh)

also maybe ooc ghost idrk

pt 2 in the making!

"okay, lets see... who do we have next.." you said as your checked your medical files. "lieutenant riley?" (you raise an eyebrow) "strange. he never came before" you thought out loud, but you shrugged it off. "you can come in!"

"hello, y/n" ghost greeted you politely as he sat in front of you. "i hope my team hasn't been of too much trouble"

"don't worry about them!" you smile softly, "lets talk about you, for once! what brings you there? you usually never come to check ups, which i have to say isnt very professional!!" you scold him lightly, "but im glad you seem safe and well!"

ghost chuckled softly before replying: " i came here because i have been suffering from awful migraines, and i have no idea where they can possibly come from, and so i wanted to ask you if you could check? and maybe give me a stronger dose of painkillers so that i won't need to bother you every week? also, i noticed i have been having more trouble falling asleep, it's as if i found myself more... active in the nighttime, i would say?"

"mhm.. this sure is strange, but dont worry!" you reply with an assured smile. "do you have some spare time so i can do your checkup now, or do you wish to book another appointment?"

"i would like to do it now, if you don't mind"

"okay, no problem!" you smile as you put on a surgery mask, "lay down on this chair and lift up your mask just above your mouth, please! ill start off with examinating your teeth."

ghost did as you asked him to, and you started your inspection; what you saw surely was weird.

"this is strange..." you muttered to yourself, "can you please bite into this?" you asked him as you handed him a plaster mold. "it looks like your fangs... have overgrown."

"what??" ghost asked, confused. "with all due respect, you must be kidding me."

"im not" you reply, showing him the mold he bit in. "see? its like, the bite mark is... sharper than a usual one would be"

"and... do you happen to have a reason to that?" ghost starts to panic, "or even a remedy?"

"i think... i might have an idea, but don't freak out, okay?" (he nods unsurely) "you might want to sit down for this one. okay so... there have been rumors - and i insist on the word 'rumor' - of a disease that turns people into vampires, and-"

"are you telling me i'm one of those freaks?!?" ghost hurried, panicked.

"that's... insensitive to us.." you mutter to yourself, "but nevermind. no, there is no cure, you just learn to live with it.

"thats..." he thought out loud, "wait did you say us? are you a vampire too?"

"duh, just because im not white doesn't mean i cant be a vampire thats- very cliché." you reply, slightly offended. "but yes, i am."

"but- how do you even sleep at night? how do you even feed yourself ? and-" ghost's mind raced with questions.

"let me guess, you're assuming all vampires drink blood to survive, aren't you?" (he nods, slightly ashamed, but you smiled, amused at his panic) "don't worry, we aren't all like that. i'd be delighted to teach you there are a whole lot of different types of vampires! for example, i am an empathic one! which means i tend to be more well... empathic."

"and how does one know what type of vampire one is?" ghost asked, seeming childhishly interested to the point it almost looked endearing.

"thats exactly what im coming to!" you reply with a soft smile, before coming back a few moments later with a little pouch of blood. "what does this make you feel?"

"this looks delicious" he replies as his eyes lit up, "can i have a taste?"

"well then," you chuckled, "it's all settled! you're a blood drinker vampire!"

"oh." the worries then came back in his voice, "does that mean i have to..." (he gulps) "kill people to drink their blood?"

"well, technically speaking, if we were in a typical eldritch story, you would have to. but, hopefully for the writer we're not, and its a good thing im a medic, so i have plenty of those little pouches!"

ghost sighed in relief, but then panic peaked again.

"do you think we should tell others? like, price and soap?" ghost asked worried.

"no. not for now, at least." you thought for a moment, and added: "but, one thing is sure, if we dont want anybody to find out you have to do whatever it takes to not get deployed,or else... "

"we're fucked, balls deep." ghost completed your sentence. "but how? price won't allow me to stay at the base unless i get injured."

"that's exactly my point!" you say as your eyes glimmer mischievously, "but im not sure you will like the idea.."

"whatever it takes for people not to notice.." he sighs.

"good!" you reply with a smile, "please lay down on this chair,just so youre warned its gonna be a little... painful."

"what the fuck- you sprained my fucking ankle???" ghost hurried, grumbling in pain.

"what?? you wanted a reason to not get deployed, didnt you? you should thank me" you chuckled as you noticed him wincing in pain. "anyway, its time for price's meeting, take those to help you walk, and you let me do the talking to price, okay?"

ghost nodded as you both headed to the briefing room, one of his arm around your shoulder to help him walk, where price and the rest of the task force were already waiting for you.

"sorry we're late, captain!" you hurried as you and ghost entered the room.

"its fine" price replied, raising an eyebrow, "what happened to you, Lieutenant?"

"we were practicing close fighting and he accidentally sprained his ankle, sir" you reply with an assured smile.

"is that so?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, "then why didnt i see both your names in the record?"

"because we forgot, and there was nobody on the wait list, sir" you reply. "but i promise it wont happen again."

"good" price sighed, "then i suppose i have no choice but to make gaz replace you, ghost."

is all for part one i feel like its already too long help

hope you enjoyed, if you dont reblog ill snatch your toenails

[theink-stainedfolk]

Writerly Questionnaire

Thank you @the-golden-comet @drchenquill and @paeliae-occasionally for the tag♡

About Me

When did you first start writing ?

I first started writing in 5th grade. I had this chapter in English course book about a timid girl who learned to write stories with the help of her English teacher. Also, i was so much into fanfictions at theat time so i thought it would be a great idea to start novels.

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

I enjoy writing mystery, crime / psychological thriller, political Intrigue and historical , fantasy types writing but i enjoy reading cozy fantasy, mystery and crime thriller.

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

Nope. Not really. I take inspiration from various sources but i never felt anything like this nor did anyone ever compared me to one.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

Mostly it is my bed, i do best when i am in my comfort space. Because i can't write anywhere else without being criticized for being "too much on my phone"

What's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Idk honestly. I just look at things, random things at that and i get flooded with ideas. I just looked at a pen once an i got the idea. I also watch music videos of my favourite froups and get ideas. I watched the ODDINARY trailer of stray kids and i got a story idea which i am currently trying to write. I'm the worst person to ask this question.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

No. My writing life is pretty different from the way i live because of the need to be separated from reality. And i hate where i live so it wouldn't do me much favour.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Yep. Enemies to lovers, forced proximity, queer people, mystery, slice of life, fantasy, romcom and i turn everything gay because of the ✨spice✨ i feel in it. Sometimes it does surprise me because i originally started as only mystery and crime thriller writer. Slowly i evolved. And i never saw myself writing queer romance. But i am still learning and i will not give up trying my best.

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

This will get too long. My current favourite character is Dante from Beyond The Pages. Because i surprisingly found myself attracted to unhinged villain with no redemption but just an attractive smile, fashionista outfits and screw loose. My current WIP is Shades Of Erudition . Which i love dearly idk why i just got the idea. And I'm beginning to love Asterion too.

Which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

Vesperine said Cleo for sure. Because i like their sense of humor and Cleo would probably let me in their friend circle. I hope so. And also probably Maurine because of her love for books. I'd probably sit for hours and hours at her house, her husband, however, would kick me out for taking too much of her time and giving him none.

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

.... Dante probably also Dr. Anselm Ravenscroft and his puppy creation, Acheron. All the characters form Wicked Game, Wicked Fates . And more that i can't think of.

Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

This is... a very difficult question... haha...

Ok so sometimes i get the idea of the story forat and sometimes i get the characters first.

In the case of getting idea first, the character build is not hard to decide. I make up scenarios in my head and imagine stuff while listening to music that matched my story and i automatically get the idea.

But in the case of getting the character idea first.... it is freaking difficult because i only get the design idea and dialogues, but not the personality traits. So i spend days and weeks thinking of a story that would match my character so i can develop the character more. Some of my characters with no story are still waiting and I'm feeling guilty.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

Probably it is intelligent/cunning bastard x strong sweetheart. I don't remember much maybe someone could remind me.. haha...

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc

I imagine them as real people of course. Sometimes I'm so obsessed with it that i make a list of possible actors i want to play my characters. And i also imagine them as random people and artworks on pinterest too.

My Writing

What's your reason for writing?

Self enjoyment and the comments i get from people who take time to read my works. It makes me ecstatic. ♡♡♡

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

Not specific. I find every comment really uplifting because it means that they read the whole thing. They read it and wrote, they took time for me. Because nowadays time is very precious and quite fast and nobody would want to spend it by reading some unknown person's probably worthless works. ♡♡♡

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who "gets" the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

I don't want much i just want to be thought as someone with great ideas and writing style. I hope i had a good fandom where people post about on Pinterests and Tumblr and people make tiktoks of my book in the future. Basically i want to be remembered. And loved.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I feel very embarrassed to say this but i think it is my ideas and my ability to finally try and write different genres. And the fact that i don't give up.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

I think it is that i manage writing different types of genre. It was truly mesmerizing when drchenquill said that to me honestly because i always felt like i couldn't write any other genre than mystery, crime thriller and historical fiction. I feared trying out other genres too. And another one of my friends told me that the more ideas i get, the better it gets from the previous ones.

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

I think that i have improved a lot since before but i have a lot to improve. I want to write beautifully, with prose and beautiful lines, i know it is not easy, like Erin Morgenstern, but like i said, like my ideas are evolving, my writing style will too.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

I would still write. With not so much enthusiasm as before because i really enjoy talking about my stories with others but i would still write because i started as someone with zero readers and i didn't stop there.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it's a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

I am influenced by both. But to me, my enjoyment holds the most value. Because if i don't enjoy what i write, nobody would enjoy it either. There are many ideas of mine that i love a lot but many of my friends do not like it but i still enjoy writing them because the feeling that i get when i get the whole idea, the ecstasy, it is so exciting and addicting that it becomes my hyperfixation for weeks.

I'll tag @cssnder @finickyfelix @willtheweaver @ascotwriting @agirlandherquill @leahnardo-da-veggie @illarian-rambling @winglesswriter @paeliae-occasionally @the-golden-comet @graveyardshift111 and this is an open tag.

[theoutsanityshoppe]

Hello! I have a fun story about how I found your blog! I have this OC that I really really love a lot, so I got myself a custom crochet doll of him off of etsy with some christmas money. And while i was searching for which artist to go with, i came across one who was using your little fire-headed detective guy as an example and i thought it was a really cute little design! i can't remember if i did end up going with that artist or a different one but his design really stuck out in my mind because i thought it was so neat. flash forward a bit and i see a commission advertising post from cubesona, who was using that same character as an example and i'm like "oh shit it's this guy again!". and because it was tax return season i got myself that cubesona commission of the same OC i'd gotten the doll of as a little treat for myself. and then we come to recently when i saw cubesona posting the drawing of my boy on his tumblr, and of course i went looking through the tags to see what people were saying about him. and i saw you had called him pretty and it made me really happy! so i go check the post and lo and behold i see the same little firey guy in your header! and i'm like "oh shit! it's all come full circle!!" so uh yeah neither of us knew it but i've kinda been following you for a little bit it seems alsdkjf

This is the single greatest story I could have heard this morning I FREAKING LOVE THIS.

I am suuuuuuuuuuper curious now if you went with the same etsy artist cuz I LOVE her stuff - I actually have two OC's by her and I plan on getting more later! That one, the crochet of Flint, was also the first doll I ever got of him! [I have four now hahahah I keep doing the same as you and every time I have a little extra saved money left over from things I use it to treat my self with more things of my boy] Otherwise that is just CRAZY that it went full circle like that!! I'm glad I have him in my header too since I post all my art to a secondary art blog ahhaha and yes!! your OC IS pretty!!! I loved his design and I absolutely want to know more about him! The one thing I wish cubesona did differently was put actual links/tags to us instead of just typing out our usernames cuz idk if that means the person is on tumblr, on twitter, on some other site... and I don't wanna search haha XD And also!! Thank you for the compliments on Flint~!!! It makes me very happy to hear he pops out to people when they see him adkfgjag I'm extremely proud of his design. ;v; I would be lying too if I said I wasn't saving screencaps of artist who use their art of my boy in their commission examples because it makes me INSANELY proud as an artist ksfdjgakjdfg

@kingkaibosh

[federfleisch]

I feel there are totally people out there who engage with stuff nonsexually in a way that they're getting more out of it than is considered socially acceptable but I also feel like those are not the people who are actually getting so up in arms about semantics, it's people who are taking this shit as like some challenge to their perceived moral purity djdhddh. I'm not even sure what a word for what actual ""nonsexual kink"" would be aside from, like, fetish maybe? But they'd still be mad about that because that word also carries impure connotations.

Idk, turning up at the freak show and desperately trying to prove your the most normal one there is so fucking funny imo

YOU'RE SO REAL AND CORRECT

It's just so bizarre to me, I truly don't understand it. Sorry to get tmi, but using myself as an example: I'm deeply masochistic, so much so that I enjoy pain even when it is not in a sexual situation and will seek it out without explicitly wanting to get horny. But the satisfaction that I derive from pain is still abnormal and kink-adjacent, like I'd never feel comfortable talking about it or engaging with it without it being extremely clear that it is at least slightly a sex thing you know? I also almost think that where these people get hung up is that they think "sex" always means "penetrative missionary cock in hole" which is just not true. You can engage in sex acts without having sex y'know?

[hazbinshusk]

I have a question- I admire your work, like-, fangirl type of admiring, and you were one of the reasons why I started writing -first headcannon, chains and tears was inspired by some of your writing (some others too, like irl but mostly yours and theirs), but HOW, how can you write everyday/almost everyday?? Like, life, writing block, just- HOW?? Are you a goddess or something? Because damn I’ve tried but I can’t- anyways, I freaking LOVE your work!! Keep going, you’re a bigggg inspiration

okay, first of all, you're gonna make me cry being this sweet to me <3. The idea that I'm actually inspiring someone else's writing? godly. seriously, thank you soooo much!

but I'm here to tell you right now, I don't write everyday. I wish I could, I really do, but I don't have it in me. What I do for work is so mentally and emotionally draining that honestly, most days I get home and I can't even think of writing. I'll turn my laptop on, and I'm lucky if I get a sentence out before I'm doomscrolling because that's all my brain can handle. I don't even have the energy to answer asks most days.

I do try to write as often as possible, but I end up doing the bulk of my writing on weekends. On a really good day, with the right inspiration, I can write a good few thousand words in a day, which probably isn't a lot, but by the end of the weekend I can have 2 or 3 fics ready to publish (more if they're shorter). Then I set them up in my drafts so I can post them throughout the week.

honestly, I think a lot of that comes down to the support and love I'm getting from a new fandom too. I used to (and want to get back to eventually) write mcu x reader fics and I was so burnt out on them because I would get so little in the way of interaction outside of kudos on ao3 or I would get so few reblogs that fics I'd spent hours if not days on would end up with less than 100 notes. And that sucked, because it felt like I was just throwing this writing I worked so hard on into a void. And I wrote a lot of fics, so maybe people were just expecting them to keeep coming without the positive feedback? idk. I know I'm not entitled to feedback, but it makes it really hard to write without it.

like, I have over 11,000 followers on my main blog (and sure, a lot of them might be following for other fandoms, or haven't been logged into for a while) but I get more asks and interactions on this blog in a day than I do on that one in a month.

so, the support has been a big thing for me, but trust me, I'm not writing every day. honestly, I'm punishing myself for not writing as often as I want. but go it at your own pace because if we burn out we just end up hating that we're not creating. I try to combat that by temporarily ignoring requests and writing my own ideas, but it can still be a lot. my fic count for this month has gone down considerably.

trust me, I'm a mess, but we can still write when we have the time/energy and that's good enough :)

[maskthesimp]

Okay, so I played Resident Lover

Cass' route. Duh.

[MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD SO MOVE THE FUCK ON!!]

AND I GOT THE BAD ENDING 💀 Or one of them

I assume there's a few bad endings and a few good ones for each route. I got the one where we get blood spilt on us, and she uses me as a sacrifice (or is implied to cuz the game ends when she pins me against a wall after getting that crazy look in her eye and talking about a fourth sacrifice for the ritual)

Here's the thing, though. I'm afraid of upsetting people. So, of course I ignored the fucking shadow and decided to get on with the show instead CUZ I FIGURED IF I INVESTIGATED THE SHADOW, IT'D DELAY THE SHOW AND PISS HER OFF!! BUT NO!!

TIP IF YOU WANNA GET A GOOD ENDING FOR CASS, INVESTIGATE THE DAMN SHADOW BEFORE THE PERFORMANCE!! UGH!! SORRY I THOUGHT OF YOUR FEELINGS, BABE, I DIDN'T REALISE EMPATHY FOR YOUR INTERESRS AND WELLBEING WOULD RESULT IN MY DEATH 🙄

It's fucking fine I reloaded the game and investigated, then told her what I saw and shit turned out fine and she fucked me in her dressing room >_> I'll take it but that music and the art of her going all crazy-eyed saying she was gonna basically kill me is gonna leave some trauma, babes, I'm ngl

Istg I genuinely was unsettled and freaked out over it. The music does a lot for the game, and the composer(s) did a great job at making me piss myself in fear. Made me feel genuine anxiety and fear. Also, because I couldn't do anything about it, it made it so much harder to watch. Feels like Subnautica without the water. Or sea creatures. Or space ship. Or anything except the overwhelming sense of "you fucked up" that I get when I hear the music after getting drenched in blood, or the "approaching ecological dead-zone" message. It's the same vibe that makes me wanna cry from anxiety, and I applaud any game that evokes that reaction from me.

I'll definitely play through the other routes, probably Belas mostly, and I'll try to get some other results from Cass' route. I didn't investigate the 3rd floor because it pissed her off when I did it, so I reloaded it (don't judge, I'm a people pleaser) and chose to wait for her. Idk what other endings can come from her route. I know I can reject her and stuff, but I don't wanna. That's my wife motherfucker.

I'm most interested in Bela and Cass' routes in this. I like Daniela, but she's not as interesting as I kinda hoped she'd be. I like skater girls, but for Dani, she's too chill. I like the switch in making Cass more of a momma's girl and making Bela more argumentative with Alcina. Whereas in RE8, that'd be the opposite with them.

Cass is the rash child not doing what Alcina wants, and Bela has to pick up the slack and suck up to mother (or at least that's the vibe we got from the lore). And Dani is just...Dani. She's chaos incarnate. But I like the switch of having Cass now be the one who decided to follow in her mother's footsteps, whilst Bela is apparently arguing with her so much.

Btw, I'd adore if there was a mutli-romance option. I'd fall head over heels so easy XDD speaking of, is there any way to meet Bela in Cass' route? She never showed in my playthrough outside of a name drop from her sisters. I've seen screenshots of Bela and Cass in Y/Ns dorm together, I'm not sure what route it's from.

Overall, I'd say I had a lot of fun. I liked the stakes, I liked the romance. Some character depictions could've been better, but maybe they would be if I play again and choose Dani's option during a later playthrough. Maybe I just didn't get enough of a look at her character. Will definitely play again :3

[hughiecampbelle]

hello hello!! hope you're doing well <3 so i saw ships were open again... and i did get one as an anon a while ago, but the format has changed for the 10k so back i am for your amazing writing <3

i'd love to be shipped with someone from the boys!! (i do feel bad requesting for specific characters even though it's incredibly easy to see who i want to smooch in this show. i love them all though and above all love to see authors get creative. go crazy go bonkers. ok with any character but the deep, homelander, stormfront, and firecracker.)

i'm a bi & ace jewish brazilian girl, 1.72m tall, with long, straight, brown hair (that i've always thought about dying but always chickened out of). no tattoos, even though i have a list of which ones i'd get and what do they mean. i'm from brazil but currently go to college in new york, majoring in theatre and minoring in translation. i'm fluent in portuguese and english, learning french, and have the life objective of becoming a polyglot.

i'm in love with theatre, literary analysis, linguistics, music, writing, and art in general — will absolutely ramble about anything i am interested in, and also might have strong opinions on stuff that maybe i didn't need to have a strong opinion on 💀 i can get a bit combative about that at times... i definitely take as my biggest skill, besides singing and acting which are quite literally my intended job (i want to be a musical theatre actress), eloquence and just my way with words (toxic trait is believing i'd talk my way out of a murder fr fr). friends that know me more recently would even say i'm an extrovert because of that, but honestly i am a pile of nerves of an introvert with social anxiety that simply loves yapping and putting on a show. most notable quirk/habit might be how precise i always am with finding the right words because i simply cannot leave an opening for misinterpretation (and that's on anxiety and a suspicion of undiagnosed adhd oops); that might lead me to be a bit picky (for the lack of a better word), specific, and/or literal with the words other people use as well.

other tidbits: i can't cook for shit, i love cats (i have a rescue named lily) but also like dogs a lot, i love kids and have been told i'm good with them. i'm crazy lucky for some reason and i love crime comedy movies. i'm almost always writing or thinking about writing but i can't ever finish a project (and you may have realized by now i write too much). i love arts & crafts & other manual activities, i do knot friendship bracelets to de-stress. my default hangout with anyone ever is grabbing coffee. i'm also pretty proud of my music taste — from alt rock to 40s-50s music, love curating the vibes and i'm a bit of a playlist freak. also i would 100% show brazilian music (mostly rock and mpb, brazilian popular music) to whoever i'm paired with 💥🇧🇷

when it comes to love life oh boy i am a disaster — the two situations i have ever gotten myself into were the objective hottest girl i know and the weirdest guy i've ever come across (and both are my good friends atm). for me doing something creative, like a project together, is the quickest way to bond; and being in cahoots with someone is the deepest form of connection. let's ramble about our interests, be weird together, cause a diplomatic crisis, watch a movie, write something, idk.

this was LOOONG but i hope it's not too much and it gives you plenty of material to write with!! thank you so much for carrying the the boys fandom on your back enna <3

Annie is actually blown away by both your love of and intelligence with languages. She's always trying to learn both Portuguese and French sayings (mostly nicknames/"I love you") to surprise you. She loves the look of joy on your face when you realize what she's trying to say. Her pronunciation could use some work, but it's still very adorable

It melts Annie's heart when she sees you around children. She knows it can be a lot, with kids and their parents running up to her, asking her for pictures, showing off their Starlight costumes. She would understand it got a little exhausting. But you have never minded, instead you ask them questions and make them laugh, telling them they're little superheroes, too

Annie feels like she can truly be herself around you. After all those years with the religious conventions and the time she spent with Vought, she was never allowed to be herself. She couldn't show off her real laugh that's squeaky and high-pitched. She couldn't swear as a teenager or say all the crude jokes she thought of. With you, though, she can let loose. She doesn't have to uphold this image like she's had to her whole life

You and Annie are as equally terrible at cooking. You make a plan to cook together, learning recipes and measurements. Sometimes the food gets burned, or worse, under cooked, and a few times you've had to split it out, wondering where you went wrong? But, overall, it builds your skills together and it makes you feel better about your lack of skills

Annie comes to every show you're in at least three times. She'll bring Hughie and Kimiko first, then M.M. and Frenchie, and the third time she goes along, wanting to see you in your glory, feeling like this moment belongs to her. She shows up with flowers every time and tells you parts and songs she's loved as if you hadn't spent weeks practicing lines and songs with her. She's so proud of you, she can't contain herself. She definitely happy cries at the end when you take your bows!

Want to request a ship?

My love!!!! I hope you like it!!!! :D Xoxoxo💜💜💜💜

[headfullofpresley]

Something a liiil different. 🖤

If you're not into the paranormal and communication with people in the afterlife, KINDLY move along!

Soooo.. I have no idea how to start this and I feel a little silly lol, BUT I spoke about this before to my bbys @powerofelvis & @dre6ming (she suggested I'd make a post like this ^^), so here we go!

I was born in a family that is paranormally (is that a word? idk lol) gifted. The ball was passed onto me and since my mother was always doing these kind of things, I pretty much grew up with it. Now I'm on my own spiritual journey and I really enjoy it, therefor I want to share it with you guys 🥺.

I often reach out to my family members who have passed, sometimes when I need guidance, sometimes when I just want to talk to them or feel their energy. And ofcourse.. I couldn't help myself and reached out to Elvis too 👀.

My mother mostly used her pendulum, but since my lil brain is a chaotic mess most of the time and I'm still practicing, I don't use that method often. Aside from being able to feel energies, smell things, etc. I also use a candle or spirit box app to communicate and since I actually managed to hear Elvis' voice come through a few times and felt his energy and got accurate answers through the candle, I want to share it with y'all so bad SO LET'S DO A LIL SESSION, MY LOVES.

I'm freaking nervous about this, because it's not something I would usually share but since Elvis likes to communicate in this way with his fans (according to the man himself), I asked for his permission to do this and he said yessss (I just finished a 3 hour session with him don't judge my ass). So so so, if youuu have any questions you want to ask him, pls comment them on this post and I will try and put a little video together of me reaching out to him and asking your questions! ❤

In my experience, he mostly likes to talk about his music (or music in general) and movies, spiritual things, and honestly pretty random stuff at times lol. Since he was a very private person, he doesn't like to talk about personal things but does mention Lisa Marie and Cilla sometimes. He does not talk about The Colonel, so pls keep that in mind.

Ofcourse my intentions are purely set with love and light, so pls think of appropiate questions my cuties!

also i asked him if he was aware of the fanfiction written about him and he said yes. bye bye bye.

if you're a non-believer and still decided to read this and you're gonna be an asshole about it, 🖕🏻.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

(feel free to ignore this one b/c there's too much asexual complaining/hopelessness in this lol)

Sometimes I'm like "I'm not a real asexual" because I worked really hard not to be one.

I don't believe there's a way I can have a happy life if I don't fix myself. I tried to act like it doesn't bother me but it does. I was so sick of feeling like something was dead inside of me that was alive and well in everyone else. It was destroying me, depressing me, it was too much.

Idk how to say this but at some point I had to fix myself and grow up. I'm in my 30s and I have to compromise or become a different person or else I'm gonna get left. No kids, no ring, no nothing. And that's not the life I want. That's not the life I can afford! My friends are all getting married off and sharing expenses. Soon, I'll have no more roommates. Perpetual rejection can lead me right in to homelessness.

I worked HARD to train myself out of asexuality after 14 years of regular arousal training and making myself be in normal relationships. And when I finally feel like I'm a normal person and I can leave this behind me, someone will complain about not having sex in a few weeks and I will blue screen like a broken computer. Like what do you mean that upsets you.

My desires will never be that strong no matter what I do. I could never get MAD or pent up because I haven't..... used someone else's body for pleasure. No matter what I do, I don't feel like I need it need it need it. I'm just not built to slobber all over another person and have that be most of my personality.

The asexual in me is very okay that I don't live like that, that I don't actually have those strong desires. But real life situations I get into every day remind me I must be broken. No one I've met in the wild relates to what I feel inside. No one. Just people online that's it. And that hurts so much more soooooooo so much more. I feel like the biggest freak on the planet. I hate this shit.

And, I feel like I have to sign up for another ten years of arousal training trying to fix myself even more until I get it because I can't support myself on a single income household in ten years I just can't. I need to be partnered with someone who isn't going to cheat on me and leave me in the dust because of who I am. And I can't handle false positivity with that because it has happened to me 8 times. One of my exes suggested surgery or drugs or conversion therapy and I hate that I'm considering fixing myself medically but I feel too burnt out and hopeless to not try it.

I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time, Anon. And it can legitimately be very hard to be asexual. One big thing though I'd like to point out is you keep talking about how you're wrong, but all the problems you point out are societal. Society makes it hard to thrive when you're single (both financially and socially), society makes it hard to have less conventional looking relationships. You are not the problem, Anon, the way our current society is built is the problem. It's external, not internal. And it can feel like you need to fix yourself, but you'll always be reaching because at the end of the way society will always still be the part that's actually broken.

I know you've probably heard people speak out against conversion therapy (and it is still conversion therapy when you're doing it to yourself), but one of the big issues with it that doesn't get mentioned as much is that it doesn't work. You just can't change who you are on such a fundamental level. And people go through these therapies and usually all they accomplish is becoming more traumatized and more confused. I know this is difficult, Anon, but this isn't a viable long term solution.

What I would really encourage you to do is find someone to talk to, it sounds like money is tight, but you can take advantage of free mental health services like 7 Cups, The Trevor Project, which are queer and asexual friendly. And they will help you navigate not just how to find self-acceptance, but financial planning and life planning. Even if you don't feel ready for this yet, please do keep this resource in mind.

There are other aces out there, it seems like there's not because once again we live in a society that keeps our orientation from us, and therefore keeps us from each other. I live in a city of 50k people, that means, even if we go by the most conservative estimates, there's at least 500 other aces in my city alone. Our orientation is kept from us, and a lot of aces don't even know there's a word for their experiences and a community. And this may sound like more hopelessness, but the other side of this is that asexuality is becoming more well known all the time, more local communities are starting to appear. Sometimes people can find other aces through local lgbtq+ chapters or Pride events. Sometimes there's an in-person asexual meetup group near you. Some major dating apps now let you put your orientation as asexual and filter for other aces. Even outside of dating, connecting to the asexual community can be really healing.

Sometimes it can seem like you're the only one, and because of how ingrained it is in society dating and sex go together, allosexual people who we date can sometimes act in a way that makes us feel like what we want isn't possible. If this happens multiple times in a row, our brains are pattern based, you hit this wall enough time, your brain says 'there is no going through this wall', and it will feel true whether it is or not.

Another thing you should consider looking into is what government programs exist in your city/state/province/territory/country. A lot of time there's financial resources out there that aren't very well advertised, especially if you're in a lower income. And often they depend on people seeking them out themselves. It won't hurt to do a few google searches or check what local organizations exist.

I know this is probably a lot, and I things probably feel very bleak for you right now, Anon. Unfortunately you can't flip a switch and suddenly accept yourself, you can't just fix society and wealth inequality. My advice would be though to try and take things one step at a time. And don't be afraid to reach out. And feel free to send as many asks here as you like too.

Take care, Anon!

[shrineofdolls]

at the risk of losing followers (when am i not at risk for that lol) im going to just admit this out loud cus i don't care. warning in the tags

i still have a desire to self harm but it's not because i dislike myself or think i deserve pain. i find the idea of scarring my body very Hot. not somebody else mind you, this is very much so a private kink between me, myself, and i.

i don't let others hurt me anymore. an ex boyfriend tried to choke me out in some fucked up backwards attempt to "win me back". i had bruises on my neck for weeks. it wasn't planned, it wasn't consensual. we hadn't dated for years. it left me feeling deeply insecure and afraid. funny enough the dude also disliked that i self harmed, go figure. he wanted to cut me but he wanted me to stop. gross behavior. idk how to trust people around the subject anymore. anywho.

i used to self harm because i was in a lot of uncomfortable situations where i had little control. it felt good to take out my frustrations on something, and i felt the scars looked cute on my body. it was like a tattoo but i was too young, poor, and quite possibly too stupid at the time to get one. so i self harmed. never cut deep enough to get to the white stuff except once lol. often i was cutting words into myself that had meaning to me. when i showed another self harmer they shamed me because they felt my scars were pathetic and superficial. i realized cutting wasn't a social activity lol so i mostly kept it to myself.

my ex girlfriend hated that i self harmed and when i told her why she said it was disgusting. she told me i was doing it because i was abused. i guess she wasn't wrong about that ROFL. she had backwards views on kink. really funny though because she was into incest but my self harm was too gross for her. Note: i don't give a shit if you have an incest kink. she insinuated that i self harmed because i was angry with her and that i was doing it to have control over her. i wasn't doing it because of her, i just thought it was fun to cut myself LOL. well and i was going through a lot, with being in foster care and dealing with my broken family. i was horny, sad, and wanted to play with pain. she thought my freak behavior was unacceptable. we never did roleplay incest together. we barely had sex. she often would call me mentally ill.

i don't self harm now. i actually feel like I'm a coward because i don't anymore, like I've lost my edge. two major gender affirming surgeries and scars across my chest and stomach, but i still feel like I'm weak. that said, i don't think it's in my best interest to return to it. i legit think i was addicted in a way, and i had to keep scars fresh on both my thighs or else I'd feel naked. i would seek out things to be upset about and then proceed to chanel that energy into cutting. now in days i would rather do something fun like watch a tv show or go on a walk or stand on my spikey mat because at least that doesn't leave marks.

real talk if you self harm consider buying one of these they're really fun to play with:

sit on it with your bare ass. that might be fun.

[carmenized-onions]

HEY LOVELY!!!

Been a while since ive done one of these. Im re-reading AGAIN and forever will be. im obsessed, truly.

Through re-reading this hit SO hard.

“The other shoe still hangs in the air; but not in your bed.”

LIKE WHAT? HELLO? KILL ME? Your writing is phenomenal. i cannot fathom how you do this EVERY CHAPTER.

Anyway, im so exited to read every chapter to come. Am i in love with Tony? maybe a little (a lot). I was also wondering if you have anything planned for after you finish Chicago's finest? Another The Bear book? or maybe something else entirely? Not to rush you or anything, obviously. Im just so incredibly nosy. My deep apologies.

Just to tell you for the millionth time, im in love with you, youre writing, Tony, how you write the characters, EVERYTHING. gives me life.

me when i hear anyone coming even CLOSE to me while im reading Chicago's finest.

me planning a characters slow and painful demise when they upset Tony. (love you Carmy. not really. no, joking i do. maybe not. NO I DO I SWEAR.)

me trying to act casual when i see you've posted.

ALSO

me trying to act casual when Tony and Syd are interacting. (Dont worry, babe! by Chappell Roan? Who said that...?)

ANYWAY (for the second time) very sorry that this is just me rambling about stuff you dont want to hear.

Hope you're having an amazing day/night, lovely!!

I've stuck you in perpetual re-reading hell have I? My deepest apologies. Esp since I've been chronically re-reading in my brief basically hiatus as i write, I USE SO MANY COMMAS GUYS??? WHY WERE YOU LETTING ME GET AWAY WITH THAT??

the revisions once the series is finished is gonna go CRAZY.

Anyways, SUCH A DELIGHT to hear what silly prose of mine sticks out to you!! thank god you think i do it every chapter!! i am constantly doubting each chapter (man why do you think 15 has been so delayed? LMAO)

I adored using the other shoe as a through line throughout the Troubled Angst arc, one because it's very canon, but also because its very much a thing for me, like, when a good thing happens, cannot HELP but wonder how it's going to get fucked in the end.

which, after telling my doctor that, got reccomended the same books i reccomended carmen LMAO. love you son <3

THANK YOU FOR LOVING TONY!!! I love her dearly, I put so much of myself in her and also so much of what I see and love about my darling friends; my sweet darling dashing hero complex burden carrying the guy overconfident yet under confident tony. My sweet babe. the people love you!!

As for when I finish Chicago's Kindest (PUNCH BUGGY ACAB!! FUCK THE FINEST!!), I'll probably certainly absolutely take a break from writing for The Bear for a bit (though I'll definitely be around to answer asks!! duh!!). But once I return, I am hoping to...

If you send in little blurb requests for Chicago's Kindest, I'll do em!! I know esp with like Mikey/Chip there's a lot of bits that have been spoken about but never actually written out and lived. So like. If you got requests, send em in, I might write em.

I promised a SquidInk spinoff and bitch you're getting one!! There's two different ideas I've got twirling around for them at the moment, they might combine into one one off, or two separate things, who's to say!

More and More I cannot see RiChip as anything more than a platonic duo, but like, maybe I'll try to write something about them? I do adore those two. I just cant see em doin a kiss. that's just bad for my brain.

And I have no hard plans atm, but like, I'd like to write something for RIchie in general at some point. What about and what of? Idk. Certainly not a series this long. that's for fucking sure.

I don't think I can ever write for Carmen though again LMAOOO, it's only Tony for me atp. Like I can't pair him with a new reader, I'll fucking freak out. It's Chip or Die, y'know?

And while I have an epilogue planned, once Season 4 comes out, if there's something interesting that I feel like I wanna throw my hat in on, I'll come back for a Chicago's Kindest Season 2, so to speak. But no promises. They will probably give me nothing to work with, with how our stories diverge. who's to say.

anyways! not nosy!! sorry for talking about it for so fucking long!!!

i'm so glad I write the characters well, please note that it's cause I'm always freaking out about it. I am re-writing bits of lines all the time to make sure it suits their voices and decisions ,and even still i have changes i wanna make looking back LMAO

DONT CRASH OUT WHEN READING CHICAGO'S KINDEST LMAOSOD where is everyone typically when reading CK?? I'm usually on the subway editing my google doc lmao

and listen, every time i re-read Just Dropped i'm like damn. why did i not go with the punching route. should've cold clocked his ass. (love you carmy but JESUS CHRIST I WROTE ALL THAT??? WHAT WAS I GOING THROUGH MY WORD???)

THE LAST PHOTO ALSO?? i know that's a classic promo image but what the FUCK IS RICHIE DOING IN THE BACK? WHY ARE YOU SITTING LIKE THAT??? SIT UP BIG MAN WHAT THE HELL WE RUN A BUSINESS GIRL

Always rant and ramble to me!! Love to wake up to spam in my inbox. even if it takes me ten years to answer (sorry to everyone still trapped in my inbox, i love you babies)

all of you are really gonna hoot and holler when you see the squidink playlist, truly, it's so gay and sad. i love those idiots. when do i get to make them kiss. is it now? i hope it's now.

anyways i am SO LATE TO GO TO BED I'VE GOTTA GO BABIES BUT THANK YOU FOR CHATTIN WITH ME SORRY FOR TALKING FOR TOO LONG <3 HOPE I GET YOU YOUR NEXT CHAPTER SOON BABY I'M SORRY FOR THE FORCED HIATUS