#but it’s fun to imagine an alternate universe where they’re just trying to act super casual about seeing each other again

[thingscanalwaysgetworse]

Thinking about the Ian/Ellie/Ian reunion through a romantic lens. Spending decades trying to convince themselves that they didn’t miss each other and then they meet up and it’s like?? Alan and Ellie are already gazing at each other like long-lost lovers. When they walk into Ian’s lecture, he pauses and looks like his world has just shifted on its axis. Ellie and Ian always had something going on between them but now Alan’s realizing that his own feelings for Ian are maybe less platonic than he thought. And then later they’re all bickering lovingly like they’ve been married for years. I’m unwell

[allmights-right-boob]

Not fic: Cursed Twilight addition

So I’m about to have my BNHA rights revoked but I just finished Midnight Sun (at the time when I started writing this) and started thinking about the characters and that Rosalie and Bakugo are weirdly similar so now here I am outlining a Twilight Au that no one asked for (except me but I’m garbage) that I will never write because I can’t focus long enough to write an actual story (fun fact this outline is taking months to complete). To be honest though this is more of a background on all the characters as opposed to an outline of the Twilight story (oops) which may or may not come later. Author’s notes are in parenthesis if you haven’t figured that out.

Basically I’m replacing Twilight characters with BNHA characters, not everyone will have the same back story, it’ll be blended(future me: um so that was a lie). Everyone’s quirks are still mostly the same but as their vampire gift with some variation to fit the word. It still takes place in the Pacific north-west because I’m not super sure if there’s a place as cloudy as there in Japan besides the mountains like Mt.Fuji (but that’s more misty I think) but there’s too many people around places like that I feel. But then again I’m not actually writing this whole fic so you’re welcome to imagine them still in Japan. If I did write this as a fic I would actually do proper research to decide where to put them but meh, this is a not-fic. As it is I’m calling the town it would take place in Forks/Crossroads cause that would be a cool alternative name. The backgrounds take place all over the word but I never actually say where. My bad.

Also if you do read this I love you very much and I am so sorry, this is ramble-y and has way too many run-on sentences and is written as if I were speaking to you as opposed to an actual written story. It’s also taken so long to complete things I wasn’t sure about in the beginning become solidified later but it’s also written out of order so probably reads really bad. Again my apologies.

So the characters are as follows:

The Olympic Coven/Cullens - The Might Coven/Aizawa-Yagis

Carlisle Cullen- Toshinori Yagi

So obviously I made Toshi Carlisle because suave blond everyone loves is both of their MO. Toshi is probably around 500 years old and like Carlisle was turned while hunting vampires. I still want him to have two forms but I’m not entirely sure how to do that within the confines of the Twilight universe. Maybe he was injured in a battle where he literally lost parts of himself and can’t fully heal so he’s become weak but still can’t die? He’s a doctor but might be semi-retired because of his injury, the cover story is an undisclosed chronic illness. He’s also a part time stay at home dad. He definitely used his vampirism to help and protect humans in the past.

Probably had a coven when he was younger with Nana and Torino but Nana was killed and Torino sent Toshi away for his own safety. He may or may not have started out as vegetarian, I can see Nana as veg or only eats bad people, Torino is an eats bad guys type but will eat anyone when pressed. Toshi either started out as a vegetarian before meeting Nana or if she found him immediately and took him in he would go animal based pretty quickly, She always respected his lifestyle. Grand Torino respects it to an extent but now that Toshi is hurt wants him to drink from humans because he thinks it’ll help Toshinori heal or at least be better for his body. He was in his 40s when turned.

Esme Cullen- Shouta Aizawa

It should surprise literally no one that I’m making this Erasermight because I am soft for my boys and anything is an excuse to ship them. Shouta is honestly the person who has taken the longest to work out along with Shinsou. Like so, so, long. These two are also related, they’re cousins or uncle/nephew or something. They’re also the most different from their counterparts, probably because it’s taken so long for me to work their stories out I’ve just completely changed them from original Twilight.

So the time period is really vague with him, it’s either the late 1800s or WWI. Hitoshi was an orphan around the age of 12 and Shouta his guardian is 30-31. Either way there was a war (and I looked at the wars in the second half of the 1800s, it’s just so many wars. What is wrong with this world?) and it could have easily been the civil war (and if so they were Unionist, obviously.) But wherever he and Hitoshi lived there was a war happening and he was probably not in the army at the time, just protecting his home and neighbors. At the same time Toshinori and Izuku were in the area trying to help civilians because wars suck and they’re basically un-killable so they can help and with the chaos of everything if someone started to suspect something of them they could fake their deaths and leave. And they probably did. But while traveling through they stop in a town/village and meet Shouta and Hitoshi.

Shouta is his gruff no nonsense self and Hitoshi is a little in awe of Yagi because this is still pre-injury so he’s this huge imposing man who’s gentle and knowledgeable about medicine. Eventually even Shouta comes around to liking Yagi, who has the nickname All Might because of his strength, even though he thinks his over the top enthusiasm in front of others is exhausting. In private Toshi ends up letting his guard and persona down with Aizawa because he realizes he doesn’t have to keep it up, he doesn’t need to make Aizawa like and trust him the way he does with the others, it’s just natural the way they click. Toshi probably fell in love first, vampires fall in love fast and long and all encompassing in a way that if they were human would be rather unhealthy (and probably is anyway because this is fiction but I don’t really care because this is fiction and I relate to unhealthy love way too much). Shouta was more reserved because he is a cautious man by nature and probably loves in a similar but more healthy way to vampires, long and devoted, but he must be careful to whom he gives his heart. I still don’t think he meant to fall for Toshinori, loving a man in the time that they lived was dangerous and inadvisable if one could avoid it. But Toshinori Yagi is the kind of man one cannot help but loving.

They didn’t tell each other how they felt though. A few months after Izuku and Toshinori’s arrival there was an attack on the town, Hitoshi they found safe but Toshinori caught wind of Shouta’s scent and followed, finding him mortally wounded. Desperate to keep him Toshi turned him and split off from Izuku and Hitoshi while Shouta adjusted to vampire life. They quickly became lovers, though Shouta had a brief stint as a human blood drinker as revenge for the destruction of his village. But it started to test their relationship and in the end Toshi and his own morals were more important to him than human blood. The four of them reunite a year later and they try to keep their relationship a secret but both of the boys figure it out pretty quickly. Izuku accepts it immediately because his dad is finally with someone and is happy while it takes Hitoshi a bit of time because period typical homophobia and it’s going to take a while for Yagi to earn his trust back after turning Aizawa in front of him.

Aizawa has an erasure power same as in canon. Since he doesn’t need to blink he’s a bit op but opponents who are faster than his eyes can track and multiple opponents are his weaknesses. He’s a history teacher at Forks/Crossroads high but purposefully does not have his own kids as students. He’s a mystery to most of his colleagues who probably haven’t even figured out he’s got five kids in the school.

Rosalie Hale- Katsuki Bakugo

Bakugo has a pretty similar start to Rosalie but because what happened to her is so awful and  I have problems doing that even to fictional characters that part is different. He’s still a rich kid from the early 20th century, probably turned in the 1920s, but he and his explosive temperament pissed off the wrong people who jumped him in an alley and beat him almost to death, like actually thought he was dead so they left him there (I know this isn’t that much better than what happened to Rose but man she had a horrific end to her human life). He was around 17-18 when he was turned.

While human he had met Dr. Yagi, who was probably treating one of his parents for a chronic ailment, along with his son Izuku and his ‘companion’ Aizawa and Aizawa’s ward Hitoshi. All of the others gave him the creeps but Izuku was a relatively normal boy, a bit younger than himself and accompanied his father when visiting the Bakugos. Their relationship is pretty much the same as canon where Izuku likes Bakugo a lot and Bakugo is nothing but awful to him. They end up with a sort of ‘I hate you but you’re my best friend’ relationship except neither actually hates the other. When Yagi finds Bakugo half dead in an alley he turns him because he was weirdly fond of the angry young man and more so because he thought that the relationship between the two boys was growing into something more, he and Izuku hadn’t talked about it, as he was waiting for his son to come to him, and he didn’t have time to ask. He realizes later that no, Katsuki and Izuku are not star crossed lovers like he and Shouta but he can’t say he regrets turning Bakugo other than Bakugo’s own hatred of being a vampire. He loves his angry son okay.

Bakugo had a life goal which was probably taking over the family business though based off canon that would be fashion and I can’t see him interested in that. Whatever it was he was pursuing it with the same single mindedness that he possesses for heroism and since he can no longer achieve his goals as a vampire he resents it along with the fact that the decision to become a vampire or die a human was taken away from him. He does have a good relationship with Toshinori and Shouta even though he still acts like a brat. His cover story is that he’s Toshinori’s cousin’s son and is an orphan who they took in. He kept his family’s name.

Like a number of vampires Bakugo has a talent or gift. His is his incredibly powerful and dangerous explosion ability. He can cause explosions from his palms. So far the League has not discovered him but everyone worries that one day they will and the Might Coven will be hunted and slaughtered for Bakugo’s power.

Emmett Cullen- Eijirou Kirishima

Sometime around the 1930s  Bakugo was hunting and found a bleeding almost dead Kirishima. It was either an animal attack like canon or an accident where he fell off a cliff (that feels like something he would do). I don’t think he decided to turn Kirishima, he just smelled blood and lost control. He’s still ashamed about how he reacted to this day as he’s typically better than that around humans. Luckily the others were hunting with him and were able to pull Bakugo off. He’s never held what Bakugo did against him and his enthusiasm and friendship actually endeared him to Katsuki despite his guilt. Eijirou was turned at 19 and has never had issues with being a vampire, it sucks that he had to leave his human family behind but he loves his vampire one just as much and he got the love of his life out of it. It took awhile but Katsuki and Eijirou eventually admit their feelings and they start dating. They’ve been married a few times now because Bakugo is extra and Eijirou loves confessing his love.

With Kirishima’s gift it doesn’t work the same as in cannon where you can tell it’s activated. In fact they still might not know Kiri has a gift or if they do it’s only a suspicion. He’s just harder than the other marble like vampires. Where the others have almost certainly had mild injuries (mostly from Bakugo’s explosions) like cracks that heal immediately, Eijirou has never been injured as a vampire. At all. He’s also immensely strong, because he was as a human, and that has been enhanced but he’s nowhere near as strong as Toshi was pre-injury. His cover story is he’s a foster kid they took in and he keeps the last name Kirishima.

Alice Cullen- Denki Kaminari

Like Alice Denki spent the end of his human life in an insane asylum (I refer to it as such because these were not hospitals and more like institutions of torture). I honestly can’t figure out if mental health care was so bad in the early/mid 20th century that a 15-16 year old boy with ADHD being sent to one is unrealistic or not. I’m pretty sure it was similar to Alice where he saw something he shouldn’t and was put in it to silence him.( I should probably figure out what that was sometime) Either way that’s where he ended up and of course he had to deal with electroshock ‘therapy’ which both severely messed with his memory and sorta brought out a natural resistance and even control over electricity, so he had to receive stronger and stronger sessions. This manifested in Denki’s electric power when he was turned into a vampire.

While hunting in the woods surrounding the institution, Hitoshi spotted Denki in the window and was instantly taken by the boy with eyes as golden as his inhuman family’s. He would make trips by the asylum just to get a glimpse and eventually took a night job there to meet him against his family’s advice. When they met Denki recognized him despite how careful, and honestly far away, Hitsohi had been and instead of being creeped out he was happy just to make a new friend. They would talk as long as they could and Hitoshi would bring Denki little bits of the outside world like flowers or decent snacks. And he would take care of Kaminari when his ‘therapies’ would leave him incapacitated and the nursing staff would neglect him.

Even after his family moved away to a location where the weather suited them better Hitoshi stayed working at the asylum not willing to leave Denki to his fate there (And to note this is around the time the others realized how serious Hitoshi’s feelings are and start planning how to help Kaminari or bring him into the family. Before this they were starting to suspect but kinda thought he was being weird about a guy he saw in a window. To be fair though he was being weird about a guy he saw in a window.) One night after an ice bath ‘treatment’ Denki developed a fever and over the course of a few days had full blown pneumonia. In his delirium he confessed his feelings to Shinsou who reciprocated and decided he would steal Denki away when he knew the trip back to his family wouldn’t kill the sick boy. Of course being a poorly run and over populated institution his condition was overlooked and ignored especially since a ‘specialist’ was coming to perform procedures on several patients, aka some guy with no degree was going to lobotomize as many people as he could fit into one day. Shinsou didn't find out until he came in that night and found out Kaminari was already in the procedure room. He flipped out and killed most of the staff there and took a severely injured Denki home to Toshinori in the hopes of saving him.

The change seemed to take longer than it had for the others but does end up working, though when he finally comes to Denki is much more quiet and subdued and remembers almost nothing about his past. All he knows is his name, Hitoshi’s name, and that he loves him. He also has weird headaches periodically for decades later and slowly becomes more like himself before the lobotomy. He never fully recovers his memories, a bit here and a piece there, all moments shared with Hitoshi. He decides he doesn’t need the rest, everything he needs is here and in his future with his family.

His cover story is typically as a foster kid so he keeps his last name Kaminari. Sometimes he decides to change things up and goes as a Yagi or even Bakugo’s brother when Katsuki is feeling generous.

Jasper Hale- Hitoshi Shinsou

Hitoshi’s early years were spent in his small town or village (I think the difference is size but I’m american and I don’t think we have villages no matter how small a place is so...) Everything was uneventful up until the war, I don’t know which war, civil war in US or WWI in Europe, but around the age of 12 his village was destroyed, his guardian was turned into a vampire and he had to go live with Izuku while Aizawa learned to manage his bloodlust. During that time he and Izuku grew really close and even now they have the most brotherly relationship out of all the siblings.

So after a year the four reunite with a vampire Shouta and an overly protective Izuku and a very weary Hitoshi. Everything goes on as it did for Toshinori and Izuku before they split but now with their two new additions. Yagi gives Hitoshi the best education he can without sending him to boarding school although they had discussed it. They were in a precarious position with a human boy knowing their vampire secret and they couldn’t run the risk of news getting back to the League, the governing body of vampires run by a mysterious head known only as All for One.

Years pass but unfortunately news of the Might Coven’s human pet gets back to the League and due to past history involving Nana and Toshi, AfO comes himself to deal with the situation and brings his two most powerful underlings, his adopted son and second in command Tomura Shigaraki and . A fight between Yagi and All for One happens and AfO rips out a piece of Toshi’s side and Toshi ends up crushing AfO’s head, killing him (maybe but probably not). Tomura, who had been fighting against Shouta and Toga who battled Izuku, realize they can’t win.

Now the vampire known as All Might is pretty popular amongst his kind but the Might Coven was at the time nowhere near strong enough or influential enough to fill the void that would be left by the dissolution of the League, which would happen if they killed all three of the vampires there. So they took a gamble and spared Shigaraki and Toga thinking their loyalty to AfO was limited, since most vampires don’t form bonds the way ‘vegetarians’ seem to, and that they would be happy with their promotion. They also agreed at Hitoshi’s insistence that he would be turned so they would no longer have a human knowing the secret about vampires. So Yagi turns Hitoshi and they let Toga and Shigaraki go and continue about their lives as much as they can with Toshinori’s injury.

Just like the rest of his family, Shinsou's quirk is the same as canon. If someone answers his question he can control their minds. It’s probably a little stronger than in canon too, at least against humans. Vampires have better resistance. His cover story is the most truthful, he’s Shouta’s orphan relative. He sometimes takes on Aizawa’s last name though in this school he decided to use his original.

Edward Cullen- Izuku Midoriya

The more I plot this out the more I’m taking Twilight, stripping it down to the bare outline, and making it into something totally different. Like the only similarities are Izuku and Shoto’s relationship follows Bella and Edwards, somewhat. Izuku is the tanned skinned, freckled, green eyed boy in a family of pale golden eyed outsiders. He seems completely human even to other vampires, til you get him in the sunlight where he literally shines.

I’m not sure when Izuku was born, maybe the 1700s, but he was still the first of the Might Coven besides Toshinori. Sometime after Nana’s death Toshi finds an ailing pregnant woman named Inko Midoriya who’s bizarre husband still hasn’t come home from his business trip to a foreign country. She’s convinced she is going to die before he returns and her pregnancy is so hard and so seemingly fast but her baby feels strong enough to survive so she begs Toshinori to please take care of her son till his father returns. Inko dies before she can give birth to her baby so Toshinori takes the baby out himself as a last ditch effort but there’s something not right, not with the baby or the amniotic sac that’s almost as hard as Toshinori himself. And when the sun shines through the window Toshinori’s arm glimmers and so does the new born baby. Dread at the thought that he’s holding an immortal child wells in him but he’s never heard of an immortal child being born and he’s especially never heard of a vampire with a heart beat. So against his better judgement he takes the child and runs, he can’t wait for Inko’s husband, and he can’t risk someone seeing the child and reporting back to the League. So he and Izuku, a name Inko had picked out before her death, stay on the run for years as the boy grew until he was at an appropriate age to be around at least vampire kind. Conveniently the half vampire boy doesn’t need blood to survive and seems to have very little if any bloodlust at all. Or so it seemed.

Now some differences I’m making will be Izuku’s aging. I know Rennesme ages fast and stops when she looks 21-25 but I’m thinking Izuku either ages very slowly or stopped when he looks closer to 15-18? Probably the first one. Also I think male half-vamps have red/gold eyes but Izuku has green because I said so.

His cover story is that he's Toshinori’s son from a previous relationship. They tried to call him a foster child in the past but they’re too close and Izuku uses Toshinori’s given name and dad interchangeably. He likes to use his mom’s last name as a way to honor her. Not every school but it is a pretty common thing for him to do and he’s using it in Forks/Crossroads this year. He doesn’t seem to have a gift but he’s a half vampire, his presence is a gift.

Humans

Bella Swan- Shoto Todoroki

Time for ‘technically main character number two but I preferred everyone else in Twilight over Edward and Bella so he and Izuku get put down lower on the list’. So Todoroki and Bella’s similarities are: new kid comes to live with other parent after the parent they lived with got married. I really don’t think there’s a lot else similar? But Bella doesn’t have that much back story to begin with.

So Shoto’s parents grew up in Forks/Crossroads but moved somewhere sunnier before he was born. He grew up in a city, maybe Phoenix (almost certainly Phoenix for the name alone). His parents had an unhappy marriage but I honestly don’t think it was full on abuse, I feel like Enji still neglected them but never physically or verbally hurt anyone. And since Shoto moves back in with Rei I don’t think she gave him his scar either, I think it was an accident where young Shoto pulled maybe a hot kettle onto himself? It probably was the catalyst for his parents divorce but ultimately that was happening either way. Both parents blamed the other for his accident but I think the courts realized it was just that, an accident, maybe some negligence (I don’t really know how custody courts work and what happens when a kid gets hurt and this isn’t a real fic so I’m not researching) but either way Enji gets Shoto (maybe all the kids but Rei gets visitation, comes down for the summer like Charlie? Kids go up there for vacation and holiday? Or split the kids 50/50? No idea this is still more backstory than Bella got) Enji is still a workaholic and Toya ends up running away/leaving probably shortly after the divorce anyway and Fuyumi and Natsuo eventually leave for college and are still closer to Rei even if they lived with their dad.

So when Enji gets remarried Shoto asks to move in with his mom since she’s all alone and Enji wouldn’t be and ‘wouldn’t it be nice to just be two newly weds with the house to themselves’. He makes a very convincing case and Enji is trying to let his youngest make his own choices so he agrees. Shoto moves north and it isn’t the worst, he likes both the heat and the cold unlike his parents, Rei hates the heat and Enji hates the cold. School is weird because people actually want to be his friend; there’s a group of stoic, pale, intimidating students he’s 90% sure are vampires; and there’s a  beautiful boy who hangs out with them who looks partially horrified and disgusted by him, or like he wants to eat him alive, literally.

Renee Dwyer- Enji Todoroki (Technically)

So I ended up making Enji considerably less awful.

After the divorce Enji figures out his sexuality and eventually starts dating a much younger model who goes by Hawks after he saves him from a burning building (Enji is a firefighter). Shoto offers to move in with Rei after Hawks and Enji get married, he has nothing against Hawks and they get along as well as can be expected but they are newly weds and Enji might be going into semi retirement to travel with Hawks for his career. And the thought of being around his dad so much, who can get a little overbearing when not working, is just not something Shoto wants to deal with. Though it is weird his dad is married to someone so much younger, Shoto knows several other people in his class in Phoenix whose dads did similar and they cheated on their wives and didn’t even have a sexuality crisis in their forties so he’s letting his dad slide on this. Shoto definitely has a better relationship with Enji in this than canon Shoto but they don’t have Enji’s shity eugenics baggage here either. Overall Enji in this is just a neglectful workaholic who’s learning to work on himself with the guidance of the love of his life and is letting Shoto make his own decisions like living with his mom and this is all growth.

Charlie Swan- Rei Todoroki (Technically)

So Rei after the divorce moves back home because she hates Phoenix and hot weather. Maybe she gets custody in the summer or has Fuyumi and Natsuo since Toya took off and they split the kids? (I still haven’t decided how the custody went with those two but they don’t live in Forks/Crossroads or Phoenix so it doesn’t matter.)

After returning home she either started working at or opened up a yarn shop, I see her enjoying needle craft and she’s definitely not a sheriff type. She’s just a quiet, keeps to herself woman with a few close friends; children mostly grown and just happy to spend more time with her youngest.

Phil Dwyer- Keigo Takami

He’s a model who gets saved by Enji when his apartment burns down. He offers to take Enji to dinner and keeps offering to reward him until at Moe’s insistence Enji agrees. They hit it off and the rest is history.

Things I would have said in the tags but there’s a limit so I put the actual important stuff there and ramblings here:

It took me three weeks to finish this (midnight sun) audiobook. I literally drive for a living and couldn’t finish it in less than the entirety of my library rental time. Jake Able deserves more money.

I have read twilight three times now and it never gets easier. Yes I do have terrible taste.

I hope someone reads this. It took like three months to finish this post. I still have so much in my head. I haven’t even started talking about the League. Please ask questions, I want to actually write this but my brain won’t let me write full fics so this is what we get.

[war-sword]

needy

(Draco x  female Hufflepuff reader)

summary: (inspired by the song 'needy' by Ariana Grande) Draco Malfoy has been made a Death Eater and given the task to murder Albus Dumbledore, something that would make any normal person have constant breakdowns. Draco is no different. In the solace of Moaning Myrtle's company, he gets attached to someone else in the process. words: 13.9k warnings: cursing, implied sex, blood (sectumsempra curse). a/n: Hi! I've had the plot for this imagine in my head since January, started writing it in February, and now in May it's finally finished :) I Hope you all enjoy. If you've never heard this song, I really recommend it! lot's of Ariana's recent music makes me think about Draco. I tried to incorporate as many lyrics as possible, and also some from her song 'ghostin'' (an alternative title I considered) p.s. to my knowledge, brushing bugs are not something in the Harry Potter universe, I just came up with them on my own. I figured pureblood witches and wizards would have found alternative, magical means to cleaning their teeth, maybe considering toothbrushes for muggles, muggleborns and halfbloods. (there will be no second part to this imagine. it’s already super long) taglist: @clockworkherondale @mayorofzillyhoo @hockeyandmarvel @mdgrdians. this fic is deadicated to @socontagiousimagines who i know has been going through a tough time, loves ari & draco, and writes amazing stories ♡

Part of him couldn’t believe he was back in this bloody bathroom again, confiding in what was possibly Hogwarts’ most annoying ghost. And yet.

Myrtle was actually… not so annoying. Maybe she thought he was cute, but then again, from most of the stories it seemed she found all boys cute. Regardless, she was one person Draco could safely vent to, seeing as A) this problem would be trivial to her in twenty years and B) the Dark Lord couldn’t exactly kill a ghost, no matter how powerful he was. Myrtle had all the time in the world, and was very willing to listen to Draco come and complain or cry. She also gave surprisingly comforting advice, even if she couldn’t give him any physical comfort.

“...not your fault, he’s always sticking his nose into others’ businesses.” Myrtle’s high pitched voice echoed around the tiled room, pulling Draco’s thoughts back to the topic at hand.

“Myrtle?” Draco heard a female voice call. Myrtle immediately shut her mouth, and Draco tensed up. The girl came walking into the bathroom and turning the corner to where the rows of toilets were. “Sorry I’m...” Her voiced faded as she finally looked down the aisle.

Draco hoped it was someone he didn’t know, but instead found himself slightly surprised. It was Y/N L/N, the only Pureblood of their year to be sorted into Hufflepuff. Draco had always been vaguely aware of her presence– she was Hufflepuff Prefect, and her father worked at the Ministry like his own father. Draco had never had any reason to talk to her though, since they were sorted into opposing houses and young Draco had seen no reason to keep up with her.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Y/N started, clutching the book she was holding to her chest. “Normally no one’s up here.” Draco averted his gaze quickly, looking down. He rubbed his sore and puffy eyes. His pale complexion did not make his panic attacks any easier to hide. Maybe if he continued to look like this all the time, people would stop noticing.  Myrtle pushed her fingers together awkwardly as she looked between the two living students. Y/N gulped. “Um… are you alright?” She asked.

Draco let out a short laugh that echoed around the tiled room. “What’s it look like?” he sniffed, rolling his eyes. He still didn’t make eye contact with her.

Myrtle looked nervously back and forth between her friends as Y/N stepped closer. Y/N perched on the edge of the bench the other side of Draco, who was too tired to tell her to piss off. “Would you like a hug? You look like you could use one.”

Draco finally looked over at her with his reddened eyes. “What?”

“I know Myrtle is a good listener,” Y/N said gently, “but sometimes a hug is nice. They’re scientifically proven to help, you know. I give very good ones.”

Draco looked away again, absentmindedly rubbing his arm. This was a very strange encounter and he was quickly getting self conscious. “I think I should just go,” he said quietly, his voice catching. He jumps up, grabbing his cloak from beside him, pulling it on as he walks quickly down bathroom hall.

“Malfoy?” Y/N calls just as he’s about to turn the corner. He stops short and looks back. “I won’t tell anyone. Don’t worry.”

Draco feels a little surprised. “Thanks,” he sighs in relief, then disappears.

 ༄

 Draco felt like he started to see more of Y/N after that. Slipping through the halls, walking through the dungeons late at night. Despite her Prefect status, she never inquired to where he was going at odd hours, or even attemptted to get him in trouble. The first few times was just awkward eye contact, but then she decided to offer him small smiles. Draco would just nod in acknowledgement, and turn away. He wondered if she was following him, or if he was just more aware of her. It was hard to say.

“What’s your deal with L/N anyway?” Draco asked Myrtle one day, trying to be casual. For once he hadn’t come to the bathroom on the first floor because he was hyperventilating, he was just bored.

Myrtle shrugged, flying in slow circles around the sinks in the middle of the bathroom. “She just likes to hang out with me.”

“What’s her tragic backstory, then?” Draco deadpanned.

“I’m not sharing yours, so obviously I can’t share hers.” Myrtle said. Draco looked over at her, and caught Myrtle’s sly smile.

“She really just comes to hang out then, huh?”

“You would be a lot more fun if you were easier to fool, Draco.” Myrtle pouted.

I might be dead if I was a fool, Draco thought to himself.

“She just knows I’m lonely, is all. Unlike most people, she likes to take time out of her week to come visit. We read books together, since I can’t enjoy them now that I’m dead.”

Draco just hummed in response. So she hadn’t been sneaking around him that day, she had just come to see Myrtle. That made him feel a little more relaxed. Hopefully Y/N would just fade back into the background and he could stay focused on his task.

 ༄

 Draco was fuming. He’d had a tough week with classes– Snape exempted him from all assignments, but that was only a small reprieve from his other coursework. Wasn’t it enough he was only attending school this year for a murder operative, but he still had to do all the regular homework too to keep up the act? He’d been slammed all week and was unable to get to the Room of Requirement once. Tonight he was planning to catch up for lost time, but of course Filtch had to catch him on his way. His lie about Slughorn’s lame Christmas party had only gotten him so far. He would’ve been able to handle the situation just fine, he was the great Malfoy liar after all, but of course Snape had swooped in. That was enough in itself to piss Draco off, but Potter was right there– and Draco had seen the look on his face.

He continued down to the dungeons, leaving Snape in the corridor. He didn’t want his help. He could do this… couldn’t he? As he descended down the many staircases, he became more and more fretful. Maybe Snape was right.

Draco found a quiet corner in the hall and leaned against the wall. Familiar despair crawled up his spine and into his mind, and tears started to prick his eyes. If he kept crying this easily, he was just going proving Snape’s point more. Draco unbuttoned the top two buttons of his dress shirt in an effort to make it easier to breathe. He closed his eyes and tried to do the controlled breathing exercise that Myrtle had suggested he do when he felt a panic attack coming on. In, and out, very slowly as he counted to five. In….. out….. In….. out. Draco was so focused on his breathing that he didn’t notice the footsteps.

“Malfoy?”

Draco jumped. He opened his eyes and looked up to see Y/N standing around the corner of the corridor. Since it was past curfew, he expected her to be in uniform with her Prefect’s badge prominently displayed. Instead, she was dressed in casual clothes- black shorts and a big grey Hufflepuff sweatshirt, her hair up in a bun with pieces falling out all over the place. She had her feet pushed into her uniform shoes halfway, like she’d just slipped them on to walk a short ways. In her hands she was holding a small bundle. Her eyes were wide in surprise he felt mirrored on his own face.

“Are you… um….” Y/N faltered. “Would you, er, like a cookie?” She held out the bundle in front of her.

Draco paused a moment. “Why not?”

Y/N shuffled over and sat down next to him, leaving a healthy bit of space. She unwrapped the bundle of cloth to reveal five chocolate chip cookies, looking soft and warm. Draco broke off half of the one on the top. “I’m in the middle of a long herbology essay,” Y/N explained. “I have a bad habit of snacking when I take homework breaks, and I probably shouldn’t eat all five of these.”

“Well, in that case...” Draco took the other half of the cookie. Y/N smiled.

“They’re good, I promise. There always seems to be plenty of them in the kitchen, even at this hour.” Y/N re-wrapped the remaining four cookies and then took her hair out to redo her twist. Draco watched as she smoothed her hair back into a sleek new bun with no flyaways. She looked cuter with the little pieces out, he couldn’t help but think.

“Maybe I should start coming down here, too. Eat my feelings instead of talking to a dead person.” Oops. Draco closed his eyes and inwardly cringed at his own slip-up.

But Y/N didn’t seem to react at all. “Like I said, Myrtle is a good listener. I don’t blame you. She’s a pretty good secret keeper, too.” Y/N played with the edge of her sock, looking down. “Myrtle wouldn’t give me any hints. But uh… if you ever want to talk to someone who’s not dead, I’m usually not too busy.”

“Thanks, but it’s nothing really.” Draco brushed her offer away. “Just a bad day is all.”

Y/N nodded. “Are you okay right now?”

Wow, was he really getting this bad at being unreadable? “Yeah, just got kicked out of Slughorn’s stupid Christmas party.”

“Ah,” she said. “I should’ve guessed, that explains the suit. I didn’t know you were invited.”

“I wasn’t.” The edge of Draco’s mouth quirked up.

Y/N grinned. “Well, the next time you go sneaking around make sure it’s not on Wednesdays, Fridays or Mondays. That’s when I patrol.” Y/N grabbed her bundle and pushed herself into a standing position. “Hope your night gets better, Malfoy.”

“Thanks,” Draco said, genuinely.

Y/N continued down the corridor and disappeared around the corner in the direction of the Hufflepuff dorms. Draco looked back at the two halves of cookie in his hands, and took a bite. They were really good. He leaned his head back on the stone and let out a sigh. Maybe he should just go back to his dorm and sleep, for once. He could go to the Room tomorrow; he still had time.

 ༄

 Draco’s panic attacks were becoming more and more frequent, and he found himself spending more time in Myrtle’s bathroom than the Room of Requirement. This only caused his anxiety to rise more, a vicious cycle he was desperate to escape.

Myrtle hovered nearby, helpless as Draco dry-heaved over a toilet. He was sweating and shaking from cold at the same time, his teeth chattering while he watched sweat roll off his nose and into the murky water below.

“Draco, are you listening to me? You need to breathe, try to take slower breaths.”

He tried to listen to Myrtle, and successfully managed to get his hyperventilating under control. Draco sat back against the wall of the stall he was sitting in, and pulled his cloak over him like a blanket.

“See, look, much better,” Myrtle said. “Can you tell me what happened? Was it Harry again?”

Draco nodded. “He… Slughorn never delivered the wine to Dumbledore. He gave some to Weasley on accident, and he would’ve died if Potter didn’t give him the antidote. Fucking Potter,” he spat. “Why is it always him? He knows Myrtle, he must! This is the second time he’s been there when my plans went wrong. He’s going to figure it out. Merlin, if I just had more time…” Draco could feel his knees begin to shake again. He leaned his head back against the wall, pressing into it, trying to use the pressure to ground himself.

“Draco, please be reasonable. Harry can’t know-“

“YES HE DOES!” Draco screamed. It felt good to scream. “He might as well have seen my fucking Dark Mark, Myrtle!”

In the moment after Draco’s echoing yell, there was deafening silence. Draco glanced out of the door of the stall and noticed saddle shoes peeping out from around the corner. His blood froze.

Someone was in the bathroom.

Draco stood suddenly, the cloak falling from his knees as he drew his wand. He slid around the corner and pointed his wand near the neck of the eavesdropper, using his other hand to pin their shoulder back on the wall.

“Draco, don’t!” Myrtle cried.

Y/N had her eyes squeezed shut, her arms raised up around her upper body instinctively. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“What did you hear?” Draco shouted. “What did you hear!”

Y/N cowered at Draco’s loud voice. “N-not a lot! I just… heard…” She gulped. “You said you had... a Dark Mark.” Y/N whispered the words.

Draco shrank away, putting his hands up to his face. Y/N was so nice… what would happen to her now that she knew? He felt the familiar fear grip at his chest again, and he leaned over one of the sinks to take a few steadying breaths. “I have to Obliviate you.”

“What?” Y/N said, fear in her voice.

“I have to!” Draco said, turning around to look at her. “You can’t know anything about this, anything about me. It’s dangerous— it’ll get you killed.”

“You don’t have to,” Y/N said, taking a step towards him. “I can help you, with whatever is wrong.”

“No,” Draco said. “You shouldn’t. You don’t even know what I’m talking about.”

That was the first time she touched him. Her warm hands wrapped around his clammy, shaking ones. It had been so long since another person had touched him in such a gentle and comforting way. His wand steadied in his hand as her fingers settled over his.

“Just tell me,” she said, almost a whisper. “I’ll promise.”

They were tucked up in one of the bathroom stalls, backs against opposite sides with their knees brushing. They clasped each other’s wrists and looked into each other’s eyes, Y/N’s hawthorn wood wand casting the spell that wrapped around their intertwined hands like a golden rope as Myrtle said the words.

And then Draco told her everything.

“I’m so sorry Draco,” Y/N said, putting a hand on his knee. The combination of his first name and her touch made him shiver. “I can’t imagine the pressure you’re under, to save your family.”

“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to,” Draco sighed, wiping a tear off his cheek. “The necklace has already failed, and I haven’t made any progress on the cabinet. And now the wine, another dead end.” He leaned his head back on the bathroom stall and stared off into space.

Y/N moved her hand away, and immediately Draco missed the warmth of her touch. She opened up her arms ever so slightly. “Would you like that hug now?”

Draco obliged, crawling over to lean into her chest. Y/N wrapped her arms around his shoulders and braced her leg against the toilet to support the rest of his body. It had been months since Draco had had this much physical contact and felt so safe, he immediately started to sob again. As he cried into her shoulder, Y/N gently rubbed his back. Myrtle looked down at them and wiped away a ghostly tear of her own.

When Draco had cried until he could cry no more, he felt exhausted. He became aware his left arm had fallen asleep from leaning on it, and Y/N probably was even more uncomfortable, seeing as she’d been holding him like the child he was acting like. Draco pushed himself into a sitting position, but Y/N kept hold of his wrists as he pulled away.

“Ugh,” Draco groaned, disgusted, as he spotted the tear stains he’d left on Y/N’s white uniform shirt. “That’s so gross. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Y/N shrugged. “I’ve had plenty of younger Hufflepuffs cry on me about loads of things.”

Draco pulled his right hand free of Y/N’s grip to retrieve his well-used handkerchief from his pocket and blew his nose. “Yes, I’m certainly acting like a bloody first-year, aren’t I?”

“Draco,” Y/N cooed. “Don’t downplay this. If I was in your position I would be crying all the time, too. This is something no one our age should ever have to do. It’s okay to feel weak sometimes.”

“But recently I feel this way all the time.”

“And that’s okay, too,” Y/N said sincerely. “If you ever want to talk or need help, I’m here. Please don’t hesitate to ask.” She squeezed his wrist gently.

Draco just nodded, wiping his nose one last time. Y/N glanced at her watch. “Come on, it’s dinner time. If we splash some cold water on your face no one will be able to tell you’ve cried by the time we get to the hall.” She stood and offered her hands to help Draco up. As they left, Y/N called goodbye to Myrtle. “I come here on Thursday afternoons and we read. You should come, if you have time to relax for a bit.”

“I’d like that,” Draco said. “Thank you, Y/N. You’re being really nice about this while I’m a mess.”

“Don’t worry about it. My lips are sealed.” She said it casually and walked off, leaving Draco in the corridor so they didn’t go in together. Her words resonated with him, though. She’d made the unbreakable vow to him, someone she barely knew. Draco would have found this suspicious if it was anyone else, but Y/N just radiated positivity, and Draco felt drawn to her like a moth to the flame. If he wasn’t more careful, he would burn.

 ༄

 On Thursday, sure he was too late, Draco burst into the second-floor bathroom. Myrtle and Y/N we seated on the bench at the end of the room. Myrtle cocked her head to the side in interest, while Y/N smiled. “You came.”

The afternoon sun was filtering in through the old windows, causing her yellow tie to glow golden. Her hair was down today. Maybe I shouldn’t have, Draco thought.  “Yeah,” he said instead.

“Come on, Draco.” Myrtle encouraged. “We’re reading The Little Prince.”

“French or English?” Draco asked as he approached.

“French,” Y/N said. “I’m learning.”

“Well, I speak French,” Draco responded. “I can help.”

From that day on, Draco joined Y/N and Myrtle in the bathrooms on Thursdays to read, and just generally enjoy each other’s company. It was a nice break from brewing deadly potions in his room and researching new hexes in the library, or doing otherwise untowardly things. He was beginning to associate the girl’s second-floor bathroom with more than just panic attacks.

Y/N was teaching him all sorts of lovely things. She could play the guitar very well. Singing, not so much, but she did her best anyway. Draco didn’t mind listening to her off-key voice, because she had a great time playing for him and Myrtle. Sometimes if they met up after later in the evening, Y/N would bring cookies from the kitchen and she and Draco would share them as they walked, finishing them before getting to the bathroom so Myrtle wouldn’t get jealous.

Y/N wore thick socks all the time, since she self diagnosed as being cold-blooded. She owned a collection of knit sweaters in earth tones. She always wore a set of small earrings of a matching moon and star that glittered mysteriously in dim light. She had perfectly shaped fingernails. She said ‘fluxweed’ with an Irish accent despite having no Irish upbringing. Every time her fingers made contact with his bare skin, he felt electrified and instantly calm all at once.

Draco was forming a terrible, terrible crush on the Hufflepuff Prefect.

He felt awful about it. Even though they only ever talking about his task to kill Dumbledore if Draco was the one who brought it up (he still panicked over it often), he couldn’t help but feel as if he was dragging her down with him. Draco was quickly becoming attached to her. His emotions were like a rollercoaster, up and down at the littlest inconvenience or kind gesture from his new friend. Draco knew he was obsessive and would easily fall hard, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. Her touch was the most intoxicating thing about her, and he needed it.

She could read him like no one else. One day, they switched robes just for fun. Draco’s emerald tie jumped out against her skin, and made his own tingle with want. His robe swallowed up her frame since she was so much shorter, and he watched as she spun around the bathroom.

Draco admired her yellow tie as he adjusted it around his neck. Her yellow-trimmed robe ended just below his knee, and he looked like an overgrown third-year. Draco looked at his reflection in the mirror. Yellow was definitely not his color, but he couldn’t help but wonder what he would be doing if he wore it every day instead of green.

Y/N almost immediately caught onto his somber mood, and joined him in looking in the mirror. She gazed at their opposite reflections. “I dunno if yellow is really your color.” She totally read his mind.

“I was thinking the same. But, maybe if I was a Hufflepuff, my life would be better,” he said honestly.

Y/N hooked her arm around his. “Maybe,” She mused. “But think about all the other great things you are that you wouldn’t be if you were a Hufflepuff. ”

“I feel like there used to be lots of things about myself I took pride in, but now I feel like they’re all a curse,” Draco mumbled.

“Think more simple,” Y/N said. “You’re a quick thinker. You’re super smart, and you learn things so fast. I think all your housemates helped you cultivate those things when you were younger, whereas in Hufflepuff it might’ve been different things.”

Draco felt floored. He’d never even considered that. He just assumed his last name and blood status would carry him no matter what house he was in. As her words still rattled around his skull, he checked his watch on instinct. They’d been here for and hour and a half– he needed to work on the vanishing cabinet today and he had to get new books from the library. “I’ve got to go,” he said to his friends apologetically.

He and Y/N switched back their robes. The collar of his now smelled faintly of her lavender shampoo. They bid their goodbyes to Myrtle and walked together down to the dungeons. “Not to like, be Snape or whatever, but are you sure you don’t want any help?”

“Oh, I’d love help, just not from him.” Draco chuckled dryly. “That doesn’t mean you should come up though, this isn’t your problem to worry about and I don’t want you to be involved in… this.” He quickly amended.

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him. “Hm.”

When Draco went up to the room later that night after dinner, Y/N was waiting on him, casually doing paces in front of the wall where the door to the Room would appear. “Y/N, you need to leave.”

Y/N shifted the two thick books in her arms. “No. You said you want help, and I’m here.”

“I’m serious, Y/N.” Draco stood his ground. There was no way he was going to let her get in this deep with him. “I’m not getting you this directly involved.”

“I can see how stressed you are over this,” she argued. “I won’t let you suffer alone over fixing this dumb piece of furniture.”

As her voice echoed in the corridor, Draco heard steps coming from the opposite direction. He quickly summoned the door and yanked Y/N in with him before whoever it was could find them standing there. The door turned into wall behind them, and Draco spun around to face Y/N. “Wait five minutes and then you can leave through here again,” Draco instructed. “I’m not letting you come with me.” He turned to go find the cabinet among the towering stacks of junk, but Y/N caught his arm.

“Draco! Stop, just let me help you.”

“You already help me plenty,” Draco replied, exasperated, not turning around to look at her.

Y/N’s grip softened, and she walked around to stand in front of him. “Please, just show me where it is?”

Oh, Merlin. How the bloody Hell was he going to say no when she was looking up at him like that? Draco swallowed a lump in his throat and closed his eyes for a moment. “You’re not touching it, okay?”

Y/N followed him through the narrow paths between the piles until they came upon the cabinet. It was deep in the room, and after spending hours in this one spot Draco had moved most of the junk out of the way so he could work. In the cleared area around the cabinet, there was a ancient looking couch and a table pushed off to the side. Draco set the book he’d brought on the table and pulled the cloth off the cabinet.

Y/N set her own books down on the table and took off her cloak. She joined Draco in front of the cabinet and they peered inside at the empty interior, always gently illuminated. “So what’s exactly… wrong with it?” She asked.

“I can only transport inanimate objects. Anything living dies.” Draco closed the door back, not wanting to look in anymore.

Y/N crossed her arms and considered it a moment longer. Then she sat down on the floor next to the table, rolled up her sleeves and cracked open one of her spell books. “Have you tried checking the cabinet for external damages? Magic seeping from the inside can cause transportation to be disrupted or loss of limbs.”

I can’t believe I’m letting her help me, Draco thought as he knelt down to look for any cracks on the bottom of the cabinet.

 ༄

 Y/N came to the Room with him often after that. On days she had Prefect patrols, she would slip pieces of parchment into his school bag that had notes or ideas she’d written down for him, or leave a book waiting for him in the library checked out in her name. On days she didn’t, Y/N would accompany him. Just as Draco had asked, she never worked on the cabinet directly. She would just add notes in Draco’s notebook, and help him with wand movements for new spells.

The more time they spent together, their friendship grew. On especially long nights, she would sit on the couch and he would sit on the floor between her legs, so she could massage his tight shoulders while he studied a new book. She would remind him not to bite the edges of his thumbnails, and he would let Y/N rest her head on his shoulder. When that happened, it was hard for Draco not to nap also. Sometimes he did, head on the table while their legs were pressed up against each other, or he would doze while she worked the tension out of his muscles. It was always peaceful sleep.

When she fell asleep, Draco always made sure he never woke her up until he was going to leave. She would drift off with her nose in a book or sprawled out on the couch, lips slightly parted. She looked so calm while she slept. Draco would sometimes brush her hair back and lay her cloak across her shoulders so she could be more comfortable.

One night, Draco sighed and flopped down on the old couch next to Y/N, laying his head in her lap. He hadn’t realized he’d done it until she rested her hand on his hair, smoothing it back ever so gently. She was still engrossed in the spellbook, and Draco allowed himself to close his eyes and enjoy her intoxicating touch. Each brush of her hand eased away his anxiety and replaced it with a sense of calm.

He snapped his eyes open, suddenly aware he’d fallen asleep. Y/N smiled down at his disoriented face.

“How long was I out?”

“Not very long, like twenty minutes or so,” she said as he sat up. “I figured you could use a bit of rest.”

Draco rubbed his face and ran a hand through his hair to shake off the grip of sleep. He was loath to leave her lap and her gentle touch. “I couldn’t help it, the way you were touching my hair just put me to sleep,” he admitted.

“I know.” She grinned. “My mum used to do it to me when I was younger, when I was too excited or nervous.” Y/N put a hand on Draco’s shoulder. “I think we should get back. You need to rest, and we can look for new spells tomorrow.”

Draco sighed, defeated. “You’re right. Let’s go.”

As the two of them walked through the empty halls, Y/N glanced at her watch. “Merlin it’s late. I’m glad I don’t have anything to do tomorrow.”

Draco looked over at her. She was holding the spellbook they’d borrowed with both arms, and her hair had begun falling loose from its bun like it usually did, short tendrils of her locks begging for him to wrap his fingers around them. The words spilled out before he could stop them. “Do you want to sleepover?”

Y/N looked over, eyes wide with surprise. “Sleepover? Like, in your dorm?”

Shit. “Er, yes. I mean, obviously you don’t have to. Sorry, it was stupid of me to–”

“It’s alright.” Y/N interrupted. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“Right.” Draco shoved his hands into his pockets and squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment for a moment. “It’s just–”

“I’ll–”

They both said at the same time. They had reached the bottom of the stairs to the dungeons, and Draco stopped and turned to her.

“You go ahead,” Y/N said, looking up at him.

“No, it’s embarrassing, just forget I asked.” Draco averted his eyes.

Y/N let out a quiet laugh. “It’s okay Draco, just tell me. You don’t have to feel sorry around me,” she reminded him again.

Draco let out a sigh and rested his hands in a fist on his forehead. The more he thought about it the more he’d wished he hasn’t said anything. He closed his eyes, too self-conscious to look at her while he said it. “I have nightmares every time I sleep. Except... when I fall asleep when I’m around you.” He cracked open his eyes to see Y/N staring up at his with a wide, expectant gaze. “You don’t have to, I could understand if that would be weird or crossing some friendship boundary, and it’s really selfish of me.”

Y/N smiled gently. “Of course it’s not. I’m… glad I can help.” She shifted on her feet. “I’d love to sleep over.”

“Really?” Draco asked, dropping his hands down in disbelief.

“Sure. But, I can’t sleep in my uniform.” Y/N gestured to her button-down and skirt that she was still dressed in.

“You can borrow something of mine.” Draco said quickly. Eager much?, he inwardly cringed.

“Alright.” Y/N nodded. “You lead the way.”

They passed the entrance to the Hufflepuff dorms and went down further, under the lake. They stopped between two columns on what looked like a blank wall. Draco whispered the password, and the bricks shifted to open up. “Fancy,” Y/N muttered.

The common room was empty and quiet, only embers left in the fireplace. Draco quickly walked over to where the boys dorms were. “I’ve got to carry you,” Draco breathed, almost inaudible. “The charms.” Y/N nodded, and pointed to his back. Draco bent down and she climbed on, and together they made their way up the steps. Draco’s heart was racing― he couldn’t imagine the trouble he would be in if Crabbe or Zabini saw him carrying a Hufflepuff girl into his dorm room at one in the morning. Draco was vaguely aware this would become a problem come morning, but he decided to focus on getting to his room first.

Draco unlocked his door with his wand nonverbally, and shuffled in the small door. Y/N slipped off his back and he closed the door behind them. He quietly reveled in their success before he turned back to Y/N. It wasn’t until then that he remembered the state of his room.

“Oh, Draco,” Y/N sighed, sounding sad. Indeed, his room looked exactly how one might expect someone in his mental state to be living in. Snape had ensured Draco had a room all to himself to work on his task, and while the privacy was nice, it just gave Draco more space to make a mess. He’d left the candle next to his desk alight all evening, and the wax filled the tray below. The two small dorm beds he had pushed together to create one big one was unmade and badly needed fresh sheets. Papers and clothes littered the floor. Books and parchment rolls filled one desk, while his second still had his cauldron on it and all the ingredients strewn about. Draco walked over to his work desk and quickly closed his diary, setting it to the side.

“I know, it’s bad,” he sighed. Y/N set their spellbook next to where he was leaning on the desk and walked over to his cauldron.

“What were you brewing?”

“Wideye potion, it keeps me awake during the day since I don’t sleep much at night,” he confessed.

“Why don’t you just brew a sleeping draught instead? You know the effects of long term Wideye use,” Y/N said, concerned.

“Believe me, I do know,” Draco said. “I tried the sleeping draught first, but it puts me in such a deep sleep I can’t wake up when I have a nightmare. Three nights of having to sleep through excruciating dreams was more tiring than sleeping four hours and drinking Wideye the next day.” He looked over at her.

Y/N looked so sad. She walked back across the room and wrapped her arms around his middle. Draco sighed as he pressed his nose into her hair. “Well, let’s see if not sleeping alone can help,” she said into his chest. She pulled away and patted him. “Can I have some pyjamas?”

Draco waved his wand and opened two drawers of his wardrobe. “You can get something clean out of there. They might be a bit big when you put them on.��

“That’s fine.” Y/N walked over to the wardrobe and began to shuffle through the clothes.

Draco picked up his own pyjamas from the last night off the bed. “Take your time, I’ll wait in the bathroom. Just tell me when I can come out.”

“Okay.”

Draco closed the bathroom door behind him and slumped against it. Merlin, he’d really done it now. Invite her to sleepover? What was he thinking? He was doing a horrible job of trying to keep her safe― in fact, it was getting worse every time they hung out. Draco threw his pyjamas on the floor and rested his head on the cool tile of the sink, and sighed. He was so, so selfish. And needy. Y/N was so nice, and didn’t deserve to be caught up in all this.

Draco changed clothes and put some Brushing Bugs in his mouth to clean his teeth. Y/N’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. “I’m ready,” she said softly from the other side of the door.

Draco opened the door and saw Y/N waving her wand, cleaning the mess of his room and putting things back in order. She’d let her hair down and put on one of his white tee shirts he wore under his uniform button-downs and a pair of his black silk pyjama pants. And her butt looked really good. His jaw went slightly slack at the sight of her, a stray Brush Bug almost escaping his lips. Y/N turned to see him staring helplessly from the door of the bathroom.

The last few parchments shuffled themselves into a stack and she walked over, the long pant legs swishing around her feet. “Do you have any toothpaste?” She asked.

Draco wordlessly held out his glass container of Brushing Bugs, and she gasped. “You have Bugs? Oh, I should've known, since you’re a Pureblood. I’m the only girl in Hufflepuff who uses them still, everyone else thinks they’re gross.” She took the tiny spoon out of the holder on the side of the jar and popped a spoonful of the small bugs in her mouth.

They waited for the Bugs to finish, standing in the bathroom in silence, taking turns making faces at each other. Draco eventually got to laughing too much and spit his Bugs out into the sink. Y/N followed suit. “ Am I shiny?” She asked, baring her teeth.

“Very shiny. Me?” Draco made a similar face.

“Squeaky clean,” she replied. “Just like your room.”

“Thanks for doing that. You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.”

God, Draco didn’t deserve her. He turned off the bathroom light, and they walked out. “Which side do you sleep on?” She asked.

“Well, usually the middle. But I can sleep on the right.”

“Oh good, I like sleeping on the left anyway.”

“Sorry it’s a mess. I haven’t had time to make it in a while,” Draco said as they settled into the pushed together beds.

“Remember what I said about apologizing?” Y/N chastised, laying down and looking at Draco as he extinguished the candle and carefully placed his wand on the bedside table.

“Hmm, no. Having trouble recalling it right this moment.”

“That’s more like it.”

The room was mostly dark except for the dim moonlight filtering through the water and into the window that looked out into the lake. A fish swam by, casting a gentle shadow as it passed.

They both laid on their backs and stared up at the ceiling, a distance of about eight inches between them. Draco tried to take a quiet breath, painfully aware they were both awake and aware the other was also awake and knew they were both thinking about how awkward it was. So awkward. He didn’t feel very relaxed anymore.

Y/N shifted beside him. Draco decided to just go for it.

He lifted up the covers so he could move and scooted across the space in the middle of the bed. He pressed his body up against hers, resting his head near her shoulder. Her arm that his torso was touching twitched just the smallest bit. “Is this okay?”

The second it took Y/N to respond seemed to stretch on forever. “Of course,” she whispered. “Just, do this instead.” She moved up just the slightest bit and slipped her right arm under Draco’s head, so he rested on the flat spot of her shoulder just above her breast. She pulled his right arm over across her torso.

Draco felt instantly more comfortable. He moved his left arm so it wasn’t quite so squished underneath him and pulled her closer. Y/N’s right hand came up to his head and she gently started to smooth his hair like she’d done in the room an hour ago. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Draco feel asleep almost immediately.

 ༄

 The next morning, Draco woke up first. Awakening felt like he was dragging himself from the deepest most thick depths of sleep, and the second he opened his eyes he felt the need to close them again.

But oh, he would never.

Because Y/N was tangled in his arms, his legs, the tips of her fingers were settled gently against his chest, and her soft breaths were hitting the bare skin of his neck. He wished he could see her face, but what he could see of her body from his limited view of being cuddled up next to her was more than enough.

He strained his eyes to look at the clock on his desk, not wanting to move his head. It was just past nine. Draco hadn’t slept this late all school year. And he was still tired! He gently ran his fingers over Y/N’s hair, enjoying the feeling of her chest rising and falling against his own. He felt a little guilty, but not guilty enough to move.

Draco was only able to enjoy the feeling for five, precious minutes. Three sharp knocks on his bedroom door were enough to make his heart stop.

Y/N sleepily opened her eyes at the sound. “Wh-” She started, but Draco pressed a finger to her lips.

“Hide.” He whispered urgently. Y/N was instantly awake. They detached from each other and Draco went to the door. He didn’t see where Y/N hid, just heard the whoosh of the sheets being thrown.

Draco opened the door and gave his best pissed off stare to an equally disgruntled looking Snape. “What.”

“Watch your tone, Malfoy.” Snape drawled. He brushed past Draco and into the room.

“Come in, why don’t you.” Draco rolled his eyes and shut the door. “You’re the one who woke me up. What do you want?”

“Oh, have time to sleep in, do we?” Snape asked, condescendingly.

“I told you, I’ve been working on it. I’ve got it handled, alright?” Draco raised his voice. “I don’t care how much you wish this was you. Stop acting like you care about helping me.”

Snape grabbed Draco roughly by his arm. “You think the Dark Lord is patient, Draco? If you take much longer, he might decide your family doesn’t deserve any mercies, regardless whether you succeed or not.”

Draco wrenched his arm out of Snape’s grasp. “Get out of my room,” he growled.

“Good to see you’ve finally cleaned.” Snape left the room and slammed the door behind him, robes swishing.

Draco let out a sigh. He looked back at the bed, where the sheets were messed up. A small lump was in a spot where the sheets should have been smooth, so Draco walked over and pulled the covers back.

Smack in the middle of his bed was a grey and brown ferret, staring back up at him with beady eyes. No sooner had Draco processed this, the ferret grew and morphed until he was staring at Y/N, laid flat out on her back, instead.

“Um, surprise?”

Draco’s jaw was slack. “Bloody hell… you never told me you were an Animagus.”

“I dunno… it never really came up.” Y/N sat up and gave a hopeful smile and a shrug.

Draco rubbed his face. “Okay. Alright. No offense to you at all, but this would be a lot easier for my brain to handle if your animal wasn’t a ferret.”

Y/N looked back blankly for a moment, then burst out into laughter. “Merlin, I totally forgot about that!” She kept giggling, falling back into the bed. Her laugh was so intoxicating, Draco found himself laughing a little, too.

“It was actually a very traumatic experience, I’ll have you know.” Draco tried to hold down his laughter with a pout.

“I’ll tell you about traumatic! How about waking up and having Snape walk into your friend’s bedroom in the span of five seconds, and then only have a single sheet to hide under.” Y/N countered.

“Uh, last I checked,” Draco said, pointing. “I was there too, except I had to talk to Snape instead of getting to hide.”

“Fine!” Y/N groaned. She sat back up and dangled her legs over the side of the bed, poking Draco’s shins with her toes. “Maybe next time we should sleep in my dorm. Professor Sprout never checks on me.” The shock Draco felt from the invitation must’ve shown on his face because Y/N started stammering. “I-I mean, if I helped, that is. With the sleeping. With your dreams, I mean.”

“No. Yes. Yes, it definitely helped.” Draco put his hands on her shoulders. “I haven’t slept that well in months.”

“Really?” Her voice was a mix of excited and sad.

Draco nodded. “If there’s ever a day like today where you don’t have anything to do–”

“Nope,” Y/N cut him off. “We can have a sleepover anytime. I want to make sure you’re getting rest, and if it’ll get you off Wideye, even better.”

Oh, how badly Draco needed to turn her down. “Y/N, I can’t impose on your personal time like that.”

But she was shaking her head at him. “I don’t care. I sleep every night, might as well be useful while I’m at it.”

“Are you sure I wasn’t too clingy?”

“Yes.”

“I didn’t crowd you?”

“Nope.”

“I didn’t bother you at all?”

“Nooooope.”

Draco threw his head back. Here I go again, he thought. “Alright. If you’re sure.”

Y/N grinned. Draco’s heart clenched. “Come sleep in Hufflepuff tonight. I’m excited for you to see my room.”

“Okay.” Draco couldn’t help but smile. The urge to kiss her was becoming almost overwhelming, so he stepped away from her and sat in his desk chair.

Y/N peeked at the clock behind him. “It’s past breakfast, but lunch will be soon. I really need to shower, so I’ll just see you there. Maybe we can go to the Room and try more spells later.”

“Don’t you have something better to do with your afternoon?” Draco tried to discourage her.

Y/N shrugged. “Not really.” She scooped her neatly folded stack of clothes off the floor and disappeared into the bathroom. She emerged dressed in her robes from the day before, and put her borrowed pyjamas on the bed. Draco handed her her wand. “Last night I was worried about how I would get you out of here without anyone noticing, but I see we’ve solved that problem.”

Y/N threw him a wink. “I still need someone to open the door.”

 ༄

 Draco had come to another selfish dilemma. He and Y/N were now having platonic sleepovers three, and sometimes four nights a week. Y/N didn’t mind. Draco certainly didn’t. Except once he was alone in his bed back in Slytherin, he realized how attached he was to her. She was like a drug for his calmness and stability, and if he went too long he felt himself falling into his destructive habits again.

Oh no.

As much as he would scold himself when he was alone, when they were together, he couldn’t help but feel as if this was what he’d been missing all this time. Someone who cared about him, who was nice, and uplifting. Someone who found his presence just as enjoyable, instead of feeling like they needed to be friends, were expected to keep each other’s company. Y/N was a lovely girl and the perfect friend, and Draco was desperate to keep it that way, despite wanting more. He was very good at overthinking with his heart.

Draco loved hanging out with her alone in their rooms. While he appreciated Myrtle and what she’d done for him, she was mopey and cynical. Not really her fault, he supposed people just got that way when they died. Spending time in the Room was what had brought him and Y/N closer, but being in there was always a somber reminder of his horrible assignment. Her coming to his bedroom under the lake made his lonely room more bright, but it always seemed to get more depressing every time she left. Y/N’s room was Draco’s favorite place to be.

She had the wide, comfy, four poster bed all Prefects had the luxury of sleeping in. Big windows overlooked the hills behind Hogwarts facing the Forbidden Forest, making her entire room glow warmly in the fading sunlight. Above her desk were strings laden with photographs, newspaper clippings, and quotes neatly written with the book they came from below. She had plants on her window sills, even though she said she was no herbologist. She had a record player and lots of vinyls, and she would put them on and play along with her guitar sometimes.

Draco and Y/N stood in her bathroom having a staring contest in the mirror while they did their brushing bugs. They had on what Y/N had called their “matching pyjamas”. Y/N was wearing her pale blue nightgown and Draco was wearing one of her soft long-sleeve shirts that was almost the same color, and a pair of his own pyjama pants he kept in her room.

Y/N finished with her bugs first and rinsed her mouth. She glanced down at Draco’s hands resting on the counter. “Can I see it?” She asked gently.

Draco froze for a moment. Despite having slept together and sharing clothes, Y/N had never seen him without his shirt off. Y/N knew Draco had a Dark Mark, but even since that first day in the bathroom she’d never asked him more about it. Draco gave her a small nod and spit out his own bugs.

He gently pulled his left sleeve up to his elbow to expose his scar. Right now it was pale red, stamped into his skin with magic. If the Dark Lord was to call his followers, it would burn and turn black and the snake would writhe, something Draco had learned from experience. Y/N stepped closer to take hold of his arm and gently traced her finger along the Mark. Draco suppressed a shiver.

“When I look at it,” Draco said quietly, “I don’t see what other people see. I don’t think about him, I just think about my parents. Especially my mum. I just want to protect my family.”

Y/N looked up and gave him a sad smile. “That’s what I see, too.”

A knock at the door made them both jump. Y/N recoiled away from him and Draco quickly drew his sleeve down. “One second!” Y/N called.

She grabbed her cardigan off her desk chair and pulled it on. A loud sniffle could be heard outside the door and Y/N gestured that Draco could come out from hiding in the bathroom. “It’s not Sprout,” Y/N mouthed.

Standing at the door in her pyjamas was, what looked like to Draco, a first year, tears streaming down her face and a wet handkerchief clutched in her fist. “Hey, Eloise,” Y/N soothed, gently guiding her into the room. “What’s wrong?”

Eloise caught sight of Draco leaning against the bathroom door frame and looked nervous. “Oh, I’m sorry Y/N, I didn’t know your boyfriend was here.”

Y/N smiled good naturedly while Draco bit his lip to contain a chuckle. He and Y/N exchanged a glance. “It’s fine, Eloise. And Draco’s not my boyfriend, don’t worry about it.”

“Oh.” Eloise squeaked. “That’s just what Angelica told me.”

“What’s going on?” Y/N asked, sitting down in her desk chair and putting a hand on Eloise’s shoulder. “Potions work again?”

Eloise nodded. “Professor S-Snape was mean to me t-today and g-gave me extra work. B-But I already have s-so much as-stronomy homework…” Eloise sobbed again.

“Hey, hey, take a deep breath, El.” Y/N rubbed her hands up and down Eloise’s arms. “When do you have Potions tomorrow?”

“Two.” Eloise sniffed.

“What! That’s plenty of time. Tell you what,” Y/N said. “Just do your astronomy homework tonight. Tomorrow during lunch I can sit with you and help you finish your potions work, okay? I don’t care how much it is, we can get it done.”

Eloise nodded.

“Here.” Y/N unwrapped the bundle of extra cookies she and Draco hadn’t eaten earlier and handed one to Eloise. “Now go get cracking on that astronomy, I know you can do it. And make sure you get some sleep, don’t worry about Professor Snape tonight.”

Eloise fell into Y/N for a hug, and then Y/N ushered her out the door with a goodnight. She closed the door and leaned back on it to look at Draco.

“What are you making that face for?”

Draco put his hand over his heart. “That was kind of sweet, I have to admit. Is this what it’s like to be a nice Prefect?” He teased.

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Yeah, believe it or not, I remember how mean you were.” She slumped into her desk chair. “Maybe I’m too nice. You wouldn’t believe how often they come up here. Even the boys! No one ever goes to ask Renie to help with herbology essays or go tell their dorm mates to stop stealing their socks!”

“Is that why you let them think I’m your boyfriend?” Draco grinned, raising an eyebrow.

Y/N wrapped her cardigan around her and tucked her legs up on the chair. “They never come up here when they see you walk in with me.” She mumbled.

Draco laughed and laid on the bed on his stomach, propping his chin on his hands. “It’s alright, I don’t blame you. Now you see why I just yelled at all of my lower-years.”

“Maybe you’re just scary,” Y/N teased. “Did you see how bad you scared her?”

“Yes,” Draco said slyly. “And I’ve never even seen her before. Must be my reputation.”

“Good thing you dispelled that cold-hearted reputation when we first met.” She shot back.

Is this flirting?  “Which time? The time I cried or the time I almost hexed you and then cried?” Okay, if we were, I definitely just totally and completely ruined that. Draco tried to play it off with a smile, but Y/N just got up and joined him on the bed.

She took hold of his left forearm again and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Even if everyone else thinks you’re cold hearted, just know that I don’t.”

Draco’s pulse was racing. “It’s nice of you to think that.”

“I know it.”

Y/N liked to rub her feet against the sheets or his legs while she slept. She always let her hair spill up across the pillow because she hated the feeling of it on her neck. Draco knew Y/N was deeply asleep because she would put one arm above her head and throw one of her legs across his own. Draco only knew all this because he would fight the urge to sleep so he could have as many memories of her as he could.

It was possible Draco had more than just a crush on her.

 ༄

 He heard it whispered in the hallways. Katie Bell. She’s back. Her name alone made Draco want to puke.

Yet he had to see her. Was she the same? Or had his awful curse he’d put on that necklace damaged her permanently? He needed to know. He booked it down the staircases towards the great hall, bumping shoulders the whole way.

Breathless, he stopped when he got into the hall, scanning the crowd. It wasn’t hard to spot the large group of girls between the Slytherin and Gryffindor tables. Standing in the middle of them was Katie herself, looking a bit pale but otherwise fine. She was talking to everyone. She was okay. Draco’s relief didn’t last long, however. He’d been too busy looking at Katie to realize Harry Potter was staring right at him. And now he was walking over. Quickly.

Draco immediately broke out in a cold sweat, turned, and started to speedwalk. Too fast to notice someone else get up and start following him, too. Hide, hide, I’ve got to hide. Where can I hide? Where does no one go? Draco was feeling dizzy, but he pushed on. He knew where he could go. He thought back to the time he had told Y/N everything, when he screamed to Myrtle that Harry knew he was a Death Eater. He knows.

Draco burst into Myrtle’s bathroom with blurry vision, gasping for air. He stripped off his uniform sweater and pulled at his tie, which felt like it was choking him. Myrtle heard his crying and flew out. “Draco? Draco, what’s wrong? Let me help…”

“No one… no one can help me Myrtle. Not you, not her…” He squeezed his eyes shut and felt his tears roll off his nose and into the sink. “He’s going to kill me… I’m going to die, Myrtle.” Draco choked out.

The bathroom door banged shut. Draco snapped his head up and looked into the dirty mirror to see Harry staring right at him. All his anxiety twisted into anger.

Barely thinking, he drew his wand and threw a hex. It narrowly missed Harry’s head, instead landing on the lamp behind him, causing it to explode. Harry was quick to return the favor and his own missed hex hit the faucet behind Draco, creating a waterfall.

“NO!” Myrtle screeched. “NO, NO!”

Draco dodged the spray and Harry ducked around to the other side of the bathroom stalls as Draco fired more curses at him. Water was quickly filling the floor of the bathroom.

“Fucking Potter,” Draco muttered, dodging another hex as it came his way. He was about to throw another curse when the bathroom door banged open again. Draco’s attention shifted, and he was horrified to see Y/N run into the bathroom.

Draco watched her face contort from confusion into fear as she took in the scene. Draco was so focused on Y/N he didn’t see Harry’s spell.

She did, though. Y/N drew her wand at the last second and flicked it, causing water to spiral up from the floor with a swoosh and intercept Harry’s curse. Water exploded across the bathroom in all directions. “Both of you, stop!” Y/N cried.

But Draco just took advantage of the momentary distraction to fire another curse at Harry. He was too angry to listen to Y/N right now. Unfortunately, Harry had the same idea, and ended up quicker than him. He screamed a curse Draco had never heard before.

“SECTUMSEMPRA!”

Immediately, Draco felt his skin open all over his body. His face, arms, chest, everywhere exploded in pain, and he could see the blood instantly. What did Potter do?

Draco staggered and fell back into the water on the floor. Y/N screamed.

“MURDER!” Myrtle screeched from above. “MURDER! MURDER IN THE BATHROOM!”

Draco grabbed weakly at his chest, already feeling himself fading from consciousness. He heard splashing and Y/N’s trembling voice.

“Draco? Draco! Oh, Merlin.” She knelt down beside him in the water, feeling a little dizzy herself as Draco’s blood seeped into the water covering the floor.

“No– I didn’t–” Harry tried to come closer, but Y/N turned on him, angrier than she’d ever been.

“What did you do! WHAT DID YOU DO!” She screeched, her voice cracking. Myrtle continued to wail overhead.

The sound of the door opening again drew everyone’s attention. Standing in the doorway looking absolutely murderous, was Snape. He strode in and pushed Harry out of the way, eyes trained on Malfoy. He didn’t have to ask Y/N to move back.

She trembled, tears rolling down her face as Snape moved his wand over Draco’s body, muttering a counter curse to Harry’s mysterious spell. Slowly, the blood subsided, she could see the cuts across Draco’s face and arms knit together and close completely.

Snape took Draco by the arm and got him standing. “Come, you need the hospital wing. There may be some scarring, but if you take dittany immediately we might avoid even that. You,” he pointed at Harry. “Do not leave until I return.” Draco’s pale blue eyes were unfocused, and he clung to Snape’s arm as they left the room.

Myrtle had finally stopped yelling and was slumped over one of the bathroom stall walls crying. Y/N lifted her wand again and pointed it at the broken sink. The parts of the faucet flew back into place and the water ceased its spray. The rest of the bloodied water was slowing going down the drain on the floor. Y/N reached down into it to retrieve Draco’s forgotten wand, not minding much. The cuffs of her uniform shirt were already covered to the wrist in Draco’s blood. She cast Harry one last burning glance and left the bathroom.

In the hallway on the way to the infirmary, Draco was regaining his senses. Halfway there he was able to walk on his own and let go of Snape’s arm. “What the bloody hell is sectumsempra,”  Draco muttered, feeling his face for the cuts absentmindedly.

“A spell that was never intended to be shared with anyone,” Snape growled. “Especially someone like Potter.”

Snape swept Draco into the hospital wing and brushed past Madame Pomfrey, who did not question their haste. “Dittany,” was all Snape said as they passed.

Snape sat Draco on one of the beds. “Do it yourself.” Then he left.

When Madame Pomfrey arrived with the small bottle of dittany, Draco snatched it from her hands and drew the curtain on her, muttering a weak apology. He just heard her huff and walk away. Draco drank some dittany, then opened his soaked shirt to look for the deepest wounds. The biggest one he could see was across his chest. He slathered the dittany on anywhere he thought he saw a scar.

Draco was deeply absorbed in his dittany application, and reminiscing on the details of his almost death when he heard a familiar lilting voice carry across the empty infirmary. He held his breath to hear what she was saying.

“... just wanted return this. Will he be alright?”

“Just fine, miss L/N. It would be wise of you to not bother speaking of this again. Now, I must find out why mister Potter is instigating fights, again.”

“If it means anything to you, professor, I was only there because my responsibility as Prefect-”

“I don’t care what your intentions were, miss L/N. I said do not speak of this incident again. Are we clear?”

“Yes, Professor.”

Sharp footsteps that probably belonged to Snape faded away. He heard some more whispering, too low for him to hear, and then Y/N left as well. Draco watched his faint new scars fade away, then looked at the few drops of dittany left in the glass bottle. He wondered if it worked on Dark Marks, or hearts.

 ༄

 It was a Monday, which meant no matter how awful Y/N was feeling, she still had Prefect rounds to do. It had been hours since Draco and Harry’s fight in the bathroom, and she’d showered and changed shirts long ago. Yet she still kept looking down at her hands and expected to see them covered in Draco’s blood. Torrential rain had started during dinner, which seemed to reflect her mood.

Her conversation with Snape had scared her, and she dared not go hovering around the entrance to the Slytherin common room for fear of being caught by him. Draco hadn’t come to dinner though, and she was getting worried.

She walked through the barrel tunnel into Hufflepuff, where Reine, her fellow Prefect, nearly jumped her. “You’ve got a visitor.” That was all he needed to say.

Y/N ran up the stairs to the Prefect dorms and saw Draco waiting in front of her door. She didn’t stop, just ran right up to him and jumped into his arms.

“Merlin’s beard Draco,” she whispered into his neck, “I thought I was going to watch you die.”

Draco wrapped his arms around her and held her close, finally feeling safe. “I didn’t, don’t worry.”

“Worry?” She pulled back and took his face into her hands. “It’s been five hours and you were all I could think about.” She whispered.

The pair were oblivious to the group of lower years crowded around the base of the stairs, craning their necks to get a good look at their Prefect and her Slytherin ‘not boyfriend’. “She’s holding his face!” Angelica hissed. “Eloise, are you sure she said they’re not dating?”

Draco put Y/N back on the ground and she grabbed his wrist, pulling him into her room. The group at the bottom of the stairs let out a collective groan of disappointment. “I thought they were going to kiss for sure that time!”

Y/N slammed the door shut and she immediately attached herself onto Draco again, wrapping her arms around his middle and clinging for dear life. Draco rested his arms around her shoulders and buried his nose in her hair. They held onto each other for a moment, until Draco felt Y/N shudder against him.

“Y/N? Y/N, are you crying?” Draco tried to pull away, but Y/N just held on tighter. “Y/N, please look at me.” He could already feel his own eyes getting misty at the thought of making her cry.

She reluctantly pulled away, but didn’t look up. Draco watched a tear roll down her face and felt his heart get tight in his chest. “No, no, Y/N,” he whispered, wiping the tear away. “Look at me. I’m here, I’m alright.”

“It’s just–” She sniffed. “There was so much blood Draco. More than I’ve ever seen in my life,” she whispered, horrified. “I should’ve disarmed Harry faster, then maybe–”

“Y/N.” Draco dipped his head down to look her in the eye. “Listen; first of all, I haven’t gotten to properly scold you yet for following us in there.” Even though she was crying, that got a chuckle out of her, like Draco knew it would. “Second, there was nothing you could’ve done in that short amount of time to changed what happened, okay? That was all Potter’s fault, Snape said he doesn’t even know where he learned that spell and… Merlin, I can’t believe I’m saying this but… I don’t think he knew what it would do.”

Y/N bit her lip and nodded, rubbing her eyes. “I just… I can’t lose you, is all.”

“You won’t.” It only took Draco half a second to realize that was probably a lie. Y/N didn’t seem to think about it too much though, because she just took up his hands.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re the one that got hurt, do you want to talk about it? Did the dittany work?”

“Yes, the dittany worked,” Draco said. “My face is perfect as ever.”

Y/N smiled through her tears, and ran her fingers across his forehead and down his cheek. “Yeah,” she chuckled again.

Draco took a breath. “I… I don’t know. It happened pretty fast. I just felt… open. I could hear you. And then Snape was there and I started to feel whole again. It happened very fast. I just remember it being cold and feeling heavy.” He shivered at the memory, still very fresh and vivid.

“Is there anything I can do for you? Anything you need?” She asked earnestly.

“I just want to sleepover. And feel warm.” He said, feeling like a child asking his mother when he would be allowed to go play.

“Of course,” Y/N said. “Whatever you want.”

 ༄

 Draco woke up for the first time in a long time in the middle of the night. He was away from Y/N– maybe that was why. Their legs were still pressed together under her loose covers, but in his sleep he’d turned over and rolled away from her. Probably how it should be.

Draco carefully sat up in the bed, crossing his legs. Rain was still pouring outside, gently tapping on the glass windows. There wasn’t much moonlight out tonight with all the clouds. Rain was different up here in Y/N’s room, as opposed to under the lake where you could only hear the rain hitting the surface of the water above. Then again, everything was different when he was with her.

A raindrops rolled down the windows, Draco felt a familiar hopelessness fill his chest. Potter was onto him, badly. He’d nearly killed two of his classmates now with his less direct attempts on the Headmaster’s life, and now he’d nearly died himself. And he still wasn’t sure if the cabinet was ever going to be fixed. He was running out of time for his task.

There was also the matter of her. The girl who was currently sleeping peacefully in her bed, the only person who was the reason he wasn’t dead or insane yet. The one he so selfishly clung to, but also the one who wouldn’t leave him alone. Intrusive thoughts of all the horrible things that could happen to her at the hands of the Dark Lord began to fill his head, and he could feel the tears beginning at the corners of his eyes.

“Draco?”

He jumped a little, looking back to her spot still under the covers. She sleepily sat up, rubbing her eyes. Draco’s heart did a flip in his chest. “Are you alright?” She asked, her eyes focusing on his face as she became more awake. “Did you have nightmare?”

“No,” Draco replied, quickly wiping the moisture from his eyes with the sleeve of Y/N’s borrowed sweatshirt. He’d been unable to shake the cold feeling of the water and losing blood, but wearing the extra layer that was so deeply ingrained with the smell of her helped.

“You’re crying.” She noticed. “Tell me, what’s wrong?” She scooted over so her legs wrapped around his sitting body, resting her arms on his thigh.

“Just thinking.”

“About what?” She gently put her hand on his forearm, rubbing her thumb back and forth across his sleeve in a comforting way. Her touch, so calming, was always the thing that helped him ground himself the best.

Draco let out a deep sigh. “You.”

Y/N was quiet for a moment. “Really?”

Draco looked down into his lap, where their hands were. He nodded. Y/N moved her hand away to shift  a little closer. Draco gathered his courage and straightened up to look at her.

Their faces were close. Y/N’s eyes, full of concern for him looked straight back in a way that made his breath catch. Her hair, even though messy from sleep, was still so enticing to his fingers. He made a mistake to look at her mouth.

Their lips connected in the softest, most tender kiss Draco had ever experienced. No grabbing of hair or slotting of mouths, just gently pressed against one another. The only part of them that was touching was their lips, but Draco had never felt more excited to touch her.

Until he realized what he’d just allowed to happen.

“Sorry,” Draco squeaked, pulling back just as quickly as he’d leaned in. “Oh my God, Y/N I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He looked up at her, ready to apologize again, but the words died on his still-tingling lips when he saw how absolutely stricken she looked. “Fuck,” was all he could manage.

Her legs recoiled around him as she pulled them up to her chest. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have thought you’d want–”

“No, please don’t say that. I do want to,” he stammered. “I want you. I just…”

He couldn’t get the words out. Y/N’s face started to go blurry. He gripped the sheets of the bed in front of him to try and steady himself, but he could already feel his breathing starting to get shallow.

“Oh, Draco…”

He felt the bed move as Y/N sat in front of him, and she draped her legs over his so she was almost sitting in his lap. She took both his hands in hers, and Draco laced their fingers together with need and squeezed. He rested his head on her collarbone and tried to breathe in time with the rise and falls of her chest. “Merlin, this is so embarrassing,” he choked.

“It’s alright,” Y/N soothed. “It’s okay, Draco. Take your time.”

He managed to get his breathing back under control and he let go of her hands. He needed to focus. “We can’t… I can’t let me be with you,” Draco started. “It’s too dangerous. Do you know how bad it is already that we’re friends? That you sit with me in the Room every other night and help me with spells?”

“Of course I know,” Y/N answered.

“Yes, but look at me, Y/N. I’m going to be a murderer. And If I’m not them I’m going to be dead. And that almost already happened! I can’t do that to you. Us being together would be a doomed relationship. You deserve someone who’s so much better than I am.” Draco pushed his fingers against his chest.

“You don’t think I haven’t thought about that, too?” Y/N said breathlessly. “I can’t help myself either, Draco. The heart wants what it wants.” She put her hands up to rest on his cheeks, her thumb wiping away a stray tear he couldn’t stop from falling. “It would be nice if this was easy, Draco. But that’s life.”

“This isn’t life,” Draco mumbled, feeling too defeated to push her hands away. Instead he just leaned into her touch, wondering if it would be their last. “It’s fucked up.”

“Okay, yes, you’re right. It’s very fucked up. But it’s the fucked up life we’re living.” Y/N tilted his head up so he would look her in the eyes. “Why can’t you just let yourself enjoy this one thing, Draco? Why can’t we just enjoy each other?”

“Because I don’t deserve you,” he said. “I come with too much emotional baggage for me to feel okay with sharing it with anyone. And I notice how sad you get over me when I’m sad. I make you sad, not happy. I’m putting you through more than one ever should to another person.”

“But you make me so happy,” she countered. “Draco, I’m strong. You know this. You don’t have to protect me, you’re busy enough protecting yourself and your family. And I do get sad too, sometimes. But that’s just what happens when you care a lot about someone.”

Draco closed his eyes, trying to hold back his tears. “I care about you so much. I just want you to forget about me and not get caught up in all this.”

“I can’t, Draco.” She moved her fingers back into his hair and rested her palms on his jawline. “Can’t we just make each other happy for a little while?”

“You already make me happy.” He put one of his hands over hers.

“But we can’t just go back to the way things were.” Y/N whispered.

“No, I guess we can’t.” Draco finally looked back up at her.

“So can you please kiss me again?”

Draco could practically hear the the nails being hammered into his coffin as he whispered the word “Okay”.

Even though they’d both just been crying and Draco nearly had a full panic attack, he’d never had a better bloody kiss in his life. Her fingers were caressing his face and his neck with such love and care it made his toes curl and his breath sigh. He could finally press his fingers into her hips like he’d fantasized about for months, and the hitches in her breathing made his pulse jump.

Draco pulled Y/N further into his lap. Not a single item of clothing came off the entire time, but never had Draco ever felt so satisfied and happy after kissing than he did when they flopped back onto the pillows together.

“I’m such a mess,” Draco whispered into her hair as he smoothed it back like she did to help him sleep, pressing kisses along her hairline.

“A very smart, handsome, and caring mess.” Y/N amended.

“Your smart, handsome, and caring mess.”

“See, that’s not so hard.”

Draco gently pushed her onto her back and then hovered over her by bracing against his forearms. “I’ve had the most terrible crush on you for so long,” he said. “But I kept telling myself it wouldn’t be fair to you. I still don’t feel like it is, but please don’t ever feel like you can’t go. I want you to put yourself first.”

Y/N nodded. “I will, don’t worry.”

 ༄

 Y/N had the most enticing collar bones Draco had ever laid eyes on, and he loved to leave his mark on the delicate skin that covered them. She was shy and liked to put her shirt back on as soon as they were done. She had thirteen stretch marks on her left hip, and seventeen on her right— he’d counted them. The sensitive spot right behind her ear was the best place to kiss her.

For the first time all school year, Draco was feeling good. He was eating more than one meal a day. Wasn’t having panic attacks every four hours. He had the best girlfriend in the whole world, and finally, the cabinet had been mended.

Draco had caught another bird that day by bewitching a bush, and when it came back from the cabinet in Knockturn Alley alive and flapping, Draco had never felt more relieved. He and Y/N hugged in momentary excitement, but for Draco was quickly replaced with a sense of doom. Now that he’d succeeded, what would happen?

Y/N, as always, sensed his mood. “It’s out of your hands now, Draco.” She got up on her tip toes and kissed his cheek. “Come on, let’s go.”

They returned their spellbooks to Y/N’s dorm, then snuck to the kitchen to get cookies. Y/N suggested they do something different other than hang out in her bedroom, and go to the astronomy tower instead.

They laid on their backs side by side, munching on the cookies, watching the stars from the open observation porch and taking in the pleasant fresh air. “Are you up there?” Y/N asks.

“No, Draco is only visible in July. Ironic, because my birthday is in June,” Draco muses.

“Aw, school will be out then. You won’t get to point it out to me.”

“I know you have an astronomy textbook, you can figure it out.” The pair lapsed into silence.

“Hey Draco?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s gonna happen now?”

Draco wasn’t sure, actually. It was scary. “I’ll have to send an owl… then he’ll plan the rest, I suppose. I’ll just sit here and wallow in anxiety in the meantime. And… well, I don’t know about after.”

Y/N turned her head to look at him, and Draco did the same. She had that sad smile on her face when she took his hand into her own. “Will I get to see you again?”

Draco was quick to squeeze her hand reassuringly. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Y/N wigged so they were closer together and turned her gaze back up to the sky. “... Do you think you’ll really do it?”

Draco blew out a slow breath through his nose. “I can’t imagine myself doing it, but it’s not like I have much of a choice. I always knew I would have to.”

Y/N didn’t say anything to that for a moment. “I hope Harry can stop him.”

“Merlin, me too.” Draco sighed.

The letter with the date came from Draco’s mother. Y/N held him like she had so long ago while he cried over it. Every day, he made sure he kissed her like it was their last. They spent as much time together as they could, and Draco even surprised her by getting her a bracelet when they went to Hogsmeade.

Draco insisted she sleep alone in her room the night of. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, and while he hated to leave her alone that last night, he couldn’t imagine anything worse than leaving her to go commit the worst crime of his life. They cried together in a corner of the third floor corridor, clinging desperately to one another.

“I’m so sorry I did this to you,” Draco couldn’t help but say.

“I’m glad you did.”

“I’m the neediest person ever.”

“It’s feels good to be needed.”

They parted ways, and Draco rubbed the tears from his eyes knowing he had something equally as difficult as leaving her ahead of him.

Y/N returned to her room that night sadder than ever. When she went into the bathroom to get out her brushing bugs from her medicine cabinet, a little piece of paper fell off of the bottom. She unfolded it to see the words ‘love you always’ in looping cursive, and cried anew. She clipped it to her strings above her desk, next to the only picture she had of him— an instant photo of him in her Hufflepuff sweatshirt, his hands covering his face except for his eyes peeping in between his long fingers. It barely moved, but if you looked long enough, the Draco in the photo would blink his long beautiful lashes.

She put on the pair of his pyjama pants he’d left in her room and fell asleep without cleaning her teeth.

 ༄

 The day after, Y/N laid on her back on the observation porch, looking up at the cloudy sky, arms and legs spread out wide. Since this was where it happened, she assumed no one would bother her up here. Footsteps on the stairs told her otherwise. She didn’t move to see who it was, but as soon as they reached the top someone spoke.

“Y/N?”

To her surprise, it was Hermione Granger. And Harry Potter, and Ron Weasley. Of course; were they ever apart? She sighed and turned away. Draco’s cold attitude towards them must have rubbed off on her. “Hello.”

Hermione came to stand over her and looked down. “Harry told us you were in the bathroom that day.”

“Just doing my job as Prefect,” Y/N answered. “Dueling is strictly prohibited.”

Hermione walked away, but the three of them didn’t leave. Instead, the moved to the other side of the telescope and looked over across the courtyard in silence.

“Did he do it, Harry?” Y/N asked, unable to hold back any longer.

“What?” Harry said, sounding surprised.

“Draco. Did he do it?” She looked over to see Harry’s face.

He looked confused, but didn’t question her knowledge of his involvement in Dumbledore’s death. “No,” Harry said finally. “It was Snape. Draco couldn’t.”

Y/N turned back to looking at the sky and let out a short exhale, not quite a laugh. “He didn’t… he didn’t do it after all.”

[dragonshoard]

@markala5 

(Because the thread was getting too long i made a new one // I’m sorry for any typos ;( I’m super tired lol)

I agree with the fact that she is super stubborn. She’s set on not only creating an alternative for the extermination Hell goes through each year but also proving herself to her father and the people of Hell in general. It would definitely be something inherent to angel!Charlie because she aches for people to care about her and people to care about. 

She’s definitely developed her own sense of self after all these years, but the problem is that it’s based off of validity from people around her which IS NOT HEALTHYYY. It’s actually really sad. She’ll be her perky self and be immediately shut down by the people around her. She may be willing to brawl, but she’s just as likely to shut down. 

Long post is long so I’m putting it under read more

On the thing about apathy. I find it an interesting concept with this world. There is a certain level of Apathy to Hell but its the type where everything is super active and violent, just everyone is super blase about it. There’s the half of hell actively always looking for a fight/power and the other half that just sort of... exists in misery.

As an angel who not only needs people around them but also NEEDS a purpose, it’s an extremely toxic environment. With the system you’re describing... just ow. I can only imagine how many times Charlie has nearly faded and just what needed to be done to get her back. 

Like, Vaggie is a recent development (not even 10 years) and there hasn’t been anyone else around Charlie that would function as a support other than her parents, possibly. 

(I’m still shocked that Vaggie only died in 2014. She’s super young but comes off as acting like one of the oldest - I genuinely thought she had been childhood friends with Charlie lol)

I’d imagine that instead of fading away, it would be more like she falls into a coma (I need Disney references, she’s literally a Disney princess). And I’d like to think that its more like a self generative state because, again, been established that you can’t exactly die naturally in Hell (or Heaven, presumably). Longest she’s slept would probably me... probably a year? It’s been established that Lilith and Charlie have a close relationship, so I’m thinking that most of the time it’s Lilith bringing her back after the fact and supporting her. There was one time where her father showed he cared enough (the time she slept for a year - he was even nice enough to preen her feathers) but he went back to being mostly apathetic after that (jealousy is no good :/). 

Because even people with the strongest sense of self and will power will crash in that environment. Lilith would definitely be her number one supporter until Vaggie (and especially how now Lilith is very busy in canon time), but it wouldn’t be enough (especially when flocks typically have around 10-15 people). 

She’d fight for as long as she could. Towards the end of the “cycle” (about to go to sleep) it would be the hardest for her not to sing and her passive song would be the strongest and most violent/desperate (enough that even her Dad can vaguely hear it and typically starts preparing her room). At this point it would be the hardest to keep her angelic features in so she starts isolating herself, speeding up the process. Her song would come out stuttery (imagine the first song in the pilot - constantly singing that one but in between sobs) and she’d try to stay awake but would fall asleep each time. 

And when she wakes up her song would be bright, loud and optimistic, determined to break the circle (it never works).  

Alastor would have no clue that this happens so the first time she goes through it after meeting him, he is beyond curious. He knows little about angel biology, only bits and pieces he’s picked up over the years. He spends the two weeks she spends sleeping taking care of her and feeling out her (for once) peaceful song. 

(I do the same. Making myself sad should be a professional job lol)

Charlie displays steel and passion on her shoulders just as clearly as her insecurities. Alastor was drawn to her from first song, tbh. There was something about it that he found fascinating and when he actually met her she was far more interesting. To be frank though, I’d imagine that initially she reminds him of the type of people he would hunt when he was alive. Meeting her, it would kind of reinforce that because he doesn’t really see her thinking for herself. The more he would get to know her, the more he’d see that she is truly someone born of Hell and the more interesting she becomes to him. She’ll say some things that are so blatantly inhuman that it’ll just make him double take. 

She would be an itinerary of knowledge for horrible things (like how to kill, how to torture people, etc) but she doesn’t use or like any of it. It’s just a result of living with her family and in Hell as a general concept. I’m kind of imagining a young Charlie being forced to sit through executions and torture sessions either performed or ordered by her father (maybe even forced to do it herself). 

....ok i went on a tangent whoops. 

And YES SHE ASSOCIATES HELL AS HERS ALL HERS. This is canon. Actual canon. She doesn’t care about silly turf wars, doesn’t care about who is on whose side. They’re all hers. I remember reading in the wiki that she takes the approach of treating rehabilitating sinners like children. I think this would come in here. 

It would kill her to lose so many souls so constantly but, holy hell, she’s also getting just as many people daily so she’s constantly hearing new songs join the already mixed and jumbled song. It would be really distracting and sometimes interferes with her higher process thinking.

But you gotta admit the angel part of her would be super confused at all the killing because, technically, it’s her own kind that’s killing off her people. One half of her would be screaming “WHY WHY WHY DO THIS KIN WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME” while the other half is screaming for blood and respite. 

And yeah, being unable to do anything about it and no matter how much her Mom tries to calm her down and how thick the walls of her bunker are, it doesn’t stop her from hearing the screaming and sheer devastation. Coming out after the fact is draining and she spends at least a day or so crying and singing her heart out (her voice practically broken at this point from her own screaming). Her skin would be especially ill-fit but there’s no part of her angel half willing enough to show itself. It’s akin to feeling like you’re swimming in a sweater that’s three sizes too big. 

....she is totally a lion. She has the mane for it despite identifying as female xD

Tbh honest, when I first thought of angels in this universe and what not, I likened them to being a species in which you’re one or you’re not. So a hybridization like Charlie is not only rare, but unstable. Her demon and angel halves fight for dominance and, eventually, one half will win and there’s no going back from there. Omg CHARLIE BEING THE FIRST SURVIVING CHILD IS SO SAD. NOOOOO ;((((((

Charlie goes underground during the extermination for a good reason lol. As she gets older, her instincts would severely change. The older she gets (and the more powerful), the more prone she is to fighting back. By the time canon comes around, she has to be chained during the extermination and Lucifer or Lilith have to be there to make sure she doesn’t break out of the chains.

Charlie is aware of this and so she would be terrified af when her friends suggested they get together during the extermination for support. By this point, Charlie is starting to feel more stable and feels that she might actually be able to control herself better with her flock surrounding her. 

Alastor probably wouldn’t know about it until he shows up out of nowhere and sees them barricading the hotel and is like wtf are you all doing. He side eyes the chains that Charlie sneaks past her flock. He immediately decides that it would be a splendid and fun idea to join them. Vaggie tries to deny him, but Charlie is quick to agree, hoping beyond hope that she wouldn’t have to be chained. 

She sticks close to him when the clock hits midnight and the angels descend. The chains were a precautionary measure and in between Alastor and her flock, she thought that she wouldn’t have needed them but she was WRONG. 

Somehow, Charlie manages to hold herself back until an angel shows up at her door. A part of her is whimpering cousin-friend-family-brother-sister while another part of her knew what exactly this meant.and was screaming in the only way she knew how to tell the angel to GO AWAY. 

But yeah, they don’t and they get messed up and Charlie ends up revealing her eldritch form to her friends (other than Alastor who has already seen her in this form by this point).  Alastor would definitely draw her into a duet to bring her back to herself. 

During this Alastor would be so excited to see his angel kill an actual angel. Sadly (to him) they end up getting away. The feathers clenched in her hands were trophies of another kind. He wanted to pin and frame the wing in one of her clawed hands. 

But it’s still kind of a horrible moment too because the extermination is still happening and Charlie can still hear and feel her people dying. She’d be crying to tell him to make it stop and all he could really do is sing quietly to her, emphasizing his own song to try and mute some of the carnage. 

But if there’s anything Alastor can do, it’s talk and talk about everything but nothing. 

FUTURE LA MUERTE/XIBALBA AND ADAMS COUPLE VIBES AHHHHH. I support this so much. I see them in the future as a fairly antagonistic and competitive couple I don’t know why (so kind of like La Muerte and Xibabla xD). They love each other more than anything but, at the same time, they can only handle each other in contained doses. There would of course be the honeymoon period, but eventually when they settle, their personalities and morals combat each other quite a bit. Both of them are unyielding in their beliefs and unwillingness to change so it would cause some clashing. 

Can’t live with em, can’t live without em’.

They would be that couple that’s always singing and dancing though, from tango to intense and dramatic songs to slow ballroom. It would annoy everyone around them and Charlie would feel some embarrassment at first but, in the end, absolutely love it. 

Lol this was all very very great :DDDDD  I feel you. I feel like I’ve written a fic but its great xD

[unwiltingblossom]

Code: Realize Route Review - SHIRLEY EXTRA ROUTE

We INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED ROUTES WITH A SHIRLEY GORDON ROUTE REVIEW. Note, I’ve since done Finis’ route and much of Sholmes, but Shirley...Shirley can’t wait her turn.

Spoiler alert: There’s three good things about this route, unless you’re saving it for the last blast of nostalgia (don’t do that); Victor Frankenstein is present, Saint Germain is wonderful, and the boys all wear different clothing that, while more plain, makes them pretty hot. 

Every single part of this route other than that is awful, terrible, and should feel terrible.

Oh, Delly and Passy are cute, I guess. But they’re too good for this route. Spoilers for it, I guess, but I’m doing you a favor if you don’t read it. There’s also spoilers for some of the main routes, chiefly Germain’s and Victor’s. Mostly Saint Germain’s.

This one is more in-depth than usual routes, because...well...I hate all of it, so it’s not just jumping around to different points that I either love or hate or find frustrating.

If other reviews feel more like reactions to you, this one is more than thorough enough to be a review.

First thing’s first: Yes, Sholmes is in this route, but he’s not in it long enough to be able to pull it out of the muck and garbage that is this route.

Second: Yes, the boys all get cool BDH moments, but again, not even that can save this travesty of a route

I could have included those as small concessions at the start, but that wouldn’t fit the rule of three, and frankly those three things are the only stuff that’s present consistently enough to matter.

So the route opens with an amusing little scene where Lupin disguises himself as Sholmes (weirdly, Lupin flexes a skill that Sherlock Holmes would normally possess, but whatevs. Code Realize struggles a little to keep up with Sherlock. It happens.) and steals a statue, presumably sticking this story around the point where Lupin stole all the vamp treasures back for Delly. (It’s not, because later they establish it’s definitely after Victor’s chapter, and I think the airship race is referenced once as well, placing it in an alternate universe where Finis doesn’t ambush them at the lab and Lupin is like ‘whoops, I said I got everything but I forgot the most important treasure of all’)

He runs into some mafia who try to kill him to get the statue back, but if Lupin is anything, he’s bullet proof. You might expect this mafia stuff to loop back to the festival place that Lupin inadvertently wrecked, the sky pirates that he pissed off, or the black race they participated in. You’d be wrong. Those stuff are barely mentioned, and the only purpose they solve is a brief scene where The Demon flexes her skills.

So the Twilight are super hard looking for Cardia at this point and they may possibly even have narrowly escaped a Twilight raid at that lab without killing Finis (we know he’s not dead, because Cardia would never miss an opportunity to remind us of how scary Germain was when he killed Finis had it happened), and this naturally means that Impey decides to go ahead and send her off all on her own for a drive through Lowtown with just Sisi to defend her, because testing the automobile can’t wait and Van Helsing is about to create a bioweapon in the kitchen. Why doesn’t he send Delly with her? Because Delly doesn’t want to be in this story, don’t force him.

While on that test drive, where Cardia would be unable to fix the car if it broke down, making the test drive totally pointless except to needlessly endanger her and open up Finis’ route, The Demon appears. The Demon being the girl in the photo, and who the route is about, Shirley Gordon. Shirley. She’s the 13 year old daughter of a mafia boss who simultaneously just wants to be normal and wants to go on a murder spree.

Shirley makes a habit of running away from her ‘crime’ family. There’s no reason for her to do this, actually, because they dote on her, never make her do anything bad, and are really better considered vigilantes than mafia. They’re so virtuous that the Lawful Neutral Sholmes that explicitly states he only cares about what the law says, not about the morals behind those laws, thinks they’re a-okay and will help them without hesitation.

Anyway. Shirley runs away to do...something. It’s never clear where she thinks she’s running to, other than maybe hoping to find a different crime boss and murder the heck out of him. Along the way, she spots a random woman driving in an automobile and is like “Yes! That one! I’m going to drag her into this escape, knowing full well that it’s not just endangering her but everyone around when I make her SPEED through the streets running away from my family, even after she says ‘I can’t control the car any faster than this, I’ll hit civilians’!” She also tries to get her father killed by flinging him off of a car at high speed into a street full of other cars and horses. But it’s okay, cuz he’s sturdy.

Impey planned ahead for some danger that would inevitably befall Cardia, the most danger-attracted person in the kingdom (and I mean ‘attracted to danger’, because this is the woman who at one point is warned about a mass murderer and immediately decides she should go ahead and wander in the sewers until she gets lost because it’s raining) - he made a button that activates a transmitter that warns him if she’s in danger. And that’s it. He doesn’t even tell her what it is, so by the time she tries to use it, it’s too late to do anything effective. Imagine if instead of a band of vigilantes cornering her, it was Twilight. “Oh, gee, but I put a transmitter on her car! Where could Cardia-chan have GONE? She turned it on, but this is just an empty alleyway with the car, no Cardia.”

Everyone scolds Impey about it, but that’s mostly because of a sudden uptick in mafia stuff (which to be fair would also be bad, because had it been actual mafia they’d have gotten there in time to find Cardia’s bullet-ridden corpse instead) and not because he let Cardia go unsupervised while Twilight is still looking for her.

Okay, that’s a lot of words harping on one thing, but it’s the vital starting point of this entire story. It’s important, and it is ridiculous. Anyway, moving on. Stuff happens that isn’t important except as a plot framing device. Cardia talks with Shirley and her dad, and immediately accidentally reveals her poison. As one does. Because the mafia looks at a living weapon and doesn’t immediately recoil in horror, Cardia instantly latches on to them to the point that she almost forgets Lupin’s crew exists for a few seconds. (Elaine and Etty, too)

She remembers that ‘oh, you kidnapped me and you kept me in London and not in a super obvious landmark like St. Paul’s Cathedral or some apartment in Baker’s Street, you screwed up!’ just in time for the rescue party to make their explosive entrance. The crew sans Saint Germain (because Germain would be murdering people and that would be unfortunate under the circumstances) arrive in a blaze of glory that is, frankly, pretty fun and has a cool CGI. It’s a bright spot that’s only slightly dragged down by Cardia koalaing the first second third (fourth counting Sholmes just being surprised on the train and then discounting it) group of people who don’t see her as a monster (in a timeline where she never saw her 665 past versions) immediately upon seeing her alien acid--I mean poison.

Saint Germain arrives home just in time to feel a bit awkward for missing Cardia’s monthly kidnapping and hints at plot stuff. Delly is also there and is cute enough that Saint Germain can’t help teasing him a little. Some time later, no one seems particularly hurried, confirming this is either right after Victor’s chapter or an AU where Finis didn’t show up in the lab and everyone ended up at a dead end related to Isaac. Sholmes shows up at the mansion because for some reason a case that has his name practically written on it is too much for him to handle on his own and he feels he needs Arsene’s thief-y mind to help him with it (maybe he’s suspects it’s a trap and is looking into the Certain Person he’s hunting?)  - For no reason in particular, he goes ahead and leads the Gordons to Germain’s mansion as well.

Because Germain is there, it’s a pretty okay scene despite that. Sholmes and Germain are very alike and understand each other extremely well, and it sucks how little they get to interact.

Alas, the good scene can’t last, because while there’s a bunch of adults in a room talking, they unfortunately dragged dead weight into it, and it’s just a count down before Shirley blows her top. THIS HERE IS THE FIRST INSTANCE OF SOMETHING THAT REALLY BOTHERS ME.

Everyone, Cardia included, keeps crowing about how Shirley is Cardia’s first/only friend that is “Her age and gender”. Shirley is 13. At the end of this route, they will make a point to show that she’s about Delly’s age - Delly who is like a little brother/son and who never gets a route even two fandiscs in, because he’s too young. Cardia (although actually like 6) is in the body of someone who’s 17-18 years old. She’s a ‘young lady’, but not a child. She’s old enough that it’s not weird for thousands of years old Germain to be in love with her, nor is it creepy that Impey wants to sex her like a day after meeting her, and anywhere from 6 months to a year from the end of the plot each route she gets married. She’s old enough that Jack the Ripper considers her a legitimate target. She is NOT 13. Shirley isn’t her age, Shirley doesn’t act like her age. She’s basically a kid Cardia constantly has to babysit and who drags Cardia into trouble with her childish antics. It’s annoying that the game conflates a prepubescent child with an adult just because they’re both teenagers.

Anyway.

Shirley, in all her infinite wisdom, throws a temper tantrum because REASONS, and decides to drag Cardia out of an important meeting to go ‘have fun’ around town. And not only that, but she demands to do it without a single guard. While there are drug crazed killers wandering around town, and more importantly Twilight soldiers still looking for Cardia. Lupin gang comes to the absolutely deranged conclusion that Cardia will be fine ‘if she only runs into one or two Twilight’ as if that has ever been the case.

Remember how they all berated Impey for letting Cardia go on her own because dangerous mafia was out in the town? And then Cardia IMMEDIATELY GOT KIDNAPPED? Well, they don’t, because they all come to the same conclusion that Impey did and completely forget there’s still a group of killer mafia out there who probably are all the more likely to target Cardia when the daughter of a rival family is with her. If they wanted Shirley to shut up/Cardia to have some girl time, but they weren’t willing to send any adults out after her because it would be a bummer to catch that guy up on what he missed later, they could have sent Delly off to secretly tail her. But, again...Delly has his statue and now wants NOTHING to do with this route. As well he should.

Obviously, Cardia gets kidnapped immediately.

But first:

Shirley drags Cardia all over the place like an over-excited puppy, until she makes it to the mafia controlled festival place. Evidently it’s not her mafia, because while people are polite to her she still has to pay and play the games to get prizes. The cliche ‘she’s so good at shooting that an intentionally broken gun at a carnival game is no match for her’ thing plays out, complete with the ‘begging her to stop or they’ll go broke’ thing. What happens if you win too much is that the owner just says ‘mmkay you’re done for today’, that’s all. Also, even if you won the whole inventory from him, chances are he’s already made so much from failed attempts that it’d just be an annoyance.

At their last stop before they go home, Shirley finally realizes they’re being tailed (great reflexes, Shirley), and naturally her 13 year old, no-gun, no backup self immediately sprints after the person she’s sure killed her mother. Cardia, instead of picking up the girl with her superior strength and speed and carrying her home, foolishly decides to go off into the alleyways - which she KNOWS she shouldn’t do - after her.

Shock. Shirley runs into a blatant trap, because she is a child. She barks and yaps at the mafioso because she could do literally nothing else when she’s not even armed, and then Cardia is kidnapped alongside Shirley. Good job, Shirley! Your father was part of a three-part collaboration to take down Avido, but you bravely marched yourself into his arms and gave him ultimate leverage against not one but two of those groups!

Instead of instantly being killed to send a message, or even immediately used as effective leverage, they’re fortunate enough to just get stuck on a ship. It’s a good thing Avido has no connections to Twilight, because it sure would suck if he kept Shirley for leverage and then sent Cardia off to Finis. Fortunately, Impey learned from his previous mistake and this time put the tracker ON Cardia. So they can find her dead body more easily, if she ran into literally anyone who didn’t decide to just keep her safely locked up somewhere instead of killing her.

Shirley tells her sob story, it pales in comparison to even Lupin’s past, but Cardia feels terrible for her anyway because she hasn’t heard any of those stories yet on this route. Shirley, who wouldn’t sound out of place as Leon’s daughter, screams and tantrums about how she’s definitely gonna kill Avido while trapped in a cell who-knows-where with no actual way to kill him. She nearly just kills herself instead, slamming uselessly into the door like a rabid dog. Cardia has to jump in the way just to stop her.

Because, despite her rampant kidnapping, Cardia is actually competent most of the time, once Shirley stops causing a ruckus Cardia manages to spring them from the cell. The escape doesn’t last, because Avido uses ‘infinite footsteps’ jutsu, and Cardia and Shirley are surrounded. Remember in the Train Robbery chapter where Cardia remarks that Van Helsing taught her it’s really hard to get overwhelmed in an enclosed space like a tight hallway?

Yeah, forget that.

Anyway, in a charming semi-callback moment, the wall explodes nearby, letting Van Helsing and Germain into the hallway, chattering pleasantly with each other. Germain looks dapper AF while walking through the wreckage of the wall, as usual. It’s a nice moment. And, you know, if you get rescued by Van and Germain you’re pretty much set. Not much is gonna overwhelm that.

EXCEPT WHEN IT DOES, HAH. Avido pulls the ol’ “I have your friends and if you don’t want them to die, you’d best come with me peacefully” and so naturally the noted war hero whose family died because he went along with such a demand and the hostage taker killed them anyway, and the multi-thousands of year old assassin who has not just seen every trick in the book but probably written the book, immediately fall for it and go along with Avido.

Everyone, including the trickster thief and the other mafioso, also fell for the trick and so everyone ends up gathered in one place at the ballroom as Avido wants. Fortunately, Avido didn’t bring them all together to easily execute them, because their total lack of trust for each other’s skills really would have bitten them all in the butt then (except Germain, who would have egg on his face shortly before he killed all the mafia on board in revenge, I’m sure). Instead, he just wants them to...be there.

No, he doesn’t have any specific purpose for them. He just wants them there. He also wants Cardia dressed up for no particular reason. Fortunately, the Gordons gave Cardia a fancy dress right before she got kidnapped, and Victor has the poison proofing down so well now that he can just go ahead and treat a complex ensemble like that while riding in a car speeding its way to Liverpool. Because...well, there’s no actual reason why he’d feel it was an emergency to treat that clothing, nor why he’d even have brought it, but it’s a good thing Victor really wanted to see Cardia in that dress.

I guess you can argue that Lupin decided it was a part of his plan to make Cardia strip down and swap clothes when they found her so she could sneak out, but...that’s a stretch and a half. Especially when they were exploding walls to get in and find her. Stealth is gone when you use explosions, boys.

Anyway, the outfits Lupin made for the boys are great. Yes, they’re a little plain and not nearly as quirky as their normal ones...but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Some annoying things like Impey’s always half-off sleeve are gone, and both Victor’s questionable color scheme and Lupin’s atrocity are replaced with a suit meant to make them look good. Still the pointless top hats though. Always the top hats.

Unfortunately, though Shirley’s also meant to change, the plot and game itself instantaneously forgets this and it’s never mentioned or shown. Even more unfortunate: you might see Cardia in a beautiful new outfit and hope for the boys to give some kind of impressed, breathtaken, or blushy response.

They won’t. No one even comments on how she looks beyond maybe Shirley. Not even Impey, noted horndog, makes a comment. Lupin who presumably is the reason they brought the dress at all makes no comment, In short, Cardia looking pretty is just for you, the player. It won’t make any difference except that she gets a CG or two dressed up in it.

Avido flexes that all the sketchy mafia and questionable nobility who attend a black market cruise are in danger if Lupin or Gordon makes a move. Fortunately for his plans, everyone except Shirley actually cares about that, and so their hands are tied. Again, not really sure why Avido would threaten his customers so that people who want to take him down and provide him zero benefit won’t do anything when he even says later he could gun them down in full view and none of his customers would find it weird.

When the gang and mafia are all put into an extravagant room that Saint Germain had previously booked for himself (because he’s a bit of a cad that loves his antiques, dammit, the fact that it’s illegally acquired is really not that important!) Shirley realizes it’s been practically a whole half hour since she’s made a nuisance of herself, and so she starts screaming and tantrumming because her father didn’t shoot Avido dead back when there were countless bystanders around and each one of her allies - herself included - had guns pointed at them.

No. She literally throws a shrieking tantrum that involves flinging things across the room when he sends her off essentially ‘to her room’, and then spends the rest of the night sobbing into Passy’s arms. This, the person who keeps whining and complaining that no one will treat her like an adult, that people keep sheltering, that Cardia bafflingly keeps trying to compare herself to. She has a childish meltdown when she’s told ‘no, we can’t just kill Avido right now’.

Amazing.

Her dad, Darius, tells his sob story. It’s basically the same as Shirley’s, nothing really to write home about. Honestly, I kept expecting some kind of twist where Shirley’s mother actually betrayed them and he’d been forced to kill her to save Shirley, or her mother was actually on the cruise ship working with Avido. That’s how boring and unimportant the backstory is. You think Impey and Lupin’s stories are limp? Shirley’s story is just a big old ‘so?’. Even the last detail Darius later adds is like ‘and? You got angry and wanted to kill someone for murdering your wife. But you didn’t.’

Imagine for a moment if Germain’s story was that he got to know that little boy, got attached, and then even though he desperately didn’t want to do it, he killed him like he was supposed to. And then nothing happened after that, he just went on continuing to Idea Apostle

YEAH! THAT’S RIGHT! EVEN THAT WOULD BE MUCH WORSE THAN DARIUS’ STORY.

I’m getting sidetracked here, but this is a brutal part of the story that’s hard to get through, because Shirley is so beyond obnoxious, screaming and throwing a literal fit because no one listens to her, while they play the sad music that means you’re supposed to care.

Anyway, because Avido was too dumb to kill the people who are determined to stop him, Lupin and the others immediately start plotting to stop him. There’s a drug plot that’s designed to make the statue Lupin steals matter and give Victor something to do. Cardia is a competent nurse and Victor looks hot while he saves someone’s life, but man did I think it was a trap when someone ran in saying Victor was calling for her. That would be giving this route WAY too much credit.

For reasons that aren’t clear, there’s a room that has a bunch of counterfeit treasures of everything that’s up for sale. They bad counterfeits, though, and couldn’t possibly be mistaken for the same item, so it’s not like it’s an art theft swap or something. It just serves to show where a small part of the drugs are hidden. Not all of them, mind, because that would give the room a reason to exist. Just some of it.

The crew split up. Impey and Van Helsing both go to the engine room so they can seize it and turn the ship around before it can go to international waters. Because for some reason crimes committed there would cause a war or something. Cardia probably could have mentioned to them that she took out the whole engine crew on her own, so using up the vampire AND the living weapon on that assignment isn’t likely to be necessary, but that’d require some kind of sense, which this route doesn’t have.

Victor, Lupin, and Germain do...stuff. I think Germain goes off to seize the drugs in the food, Victor goes off somewhere nondescript to make an antidote, and Lupin farts around for a while to waste some time. What’s important is that even though Cardia’s there to see all the assignments go out, Lupin secretly also told Germain to find all the valuables in the ship and set charges on them. Probably because it would take .5 seconds for Germain to overpower some cooks and mafia boys and everyone knows it.

Cardia, bereft of plot, goes back to the room to wait to be important, and finds out that Shirley realized she slept through her half hour and forced her way through a window...I guess to the outside of the ship? And scaled up the outside of the hull like the demon beast she is, to escape confinement in her room. So she can run off and be a waste of space and oxygen not in her room, but somewhere actively detrimental to all the plans everyone’s made without her.

Presumably because everyone is as sick of Shirley as I am at this point, no one even tries to look for her this time. Maybe they all hoped she fell off overboard, I dunno. You’d think they’d all know she’d make a beeline to Avido and go collect her there, banking on the fact that Avido doesn’t know they’re planning anything (effective) and is determined to make them play the part of innocent passengers right now. But nah. She’d just screw up any plan they made anyway.

Lupin showboats around and disseminates the antidote to all the passengers during the auction via a fancy champagne tower. Then, long before all of them could actually have drank their cups, he goes ahead and tells Avido exactly what he’s done, forcing them to move onto the next step. The step that definitely involves most of the passengers dropping their glasses in a blind panic.

Avido, by the way, is a human traficker. The reason he keeps Cardia alive and kidnaps her instead of leaving her be or killing her is because he thinks she’d sell for a high price. It’s not a secret that he does this. Mafia apparently do it all the time, to the point where the no-crime Gordon family casually discuss the possibility of selling Cardia until another person has to remind the first that ‘yo we don’t do that’. Avido also traffics drugs. Drugs which inevitably either kill the user or turns the user into a violent zombie akin to a Hidden Strength victim, meaning that he’s causing a lot of deaths. Avido has personally killed a whole lot of people. He murdered one of his henchmen just because they failed to get a statue he doesn’t even care that much about.

Got that? Avido’s a bad boy. Objectively, Avido is worse than just about anyone else in the game other than Victoria - who at least has her ‘greater good’ reasons - Isaac - who is insane with grief - and Azoth. Hidden Strength victims are out of their mind, and while Nemo is callous toward human life in the face of science, he doesn’t go out of his way to murder for kicks and giggles. He’s also insane. Omnibus, also, is a question of personal morality vs greater good. Avido? Stone-cold sane, no greater good involved, he just wants power because he thinks it sounds fun.

Now that we’ve established that, does anyone in the room just kill Avido?

No. No they do not. Instead, they waffle about it and ramble about philosophy until he’s able to wrench back the upper hand via sheer numbers (because Van and Germain are otherwise engaged), and backs everyone up onto the surface of the boat.

Sadly, Shirley didn’t fall off the boat, she just jumped into Avido’s arms so she could become his hostage. AGAIN. He doesn’t reveal this at first, even when they’re outside and he has the upper hand. He takes his time before he brings out the unconscious Shirley. Supposedly she got so far as to point a gun at Avido this time, but I don’t think I believe him, because her strategy up until this point has been ‘angrily yap at him hoping he’ll just off himself’. Plus she’s supposed to actually have some skill with a gun and is psychotically enraged at him. She’d definitely have shot him if she ever thought to bring a gun.

Fortunately, there’s still some competent people on board the ship, and Impey + Van Helsing bust through the top of the ship in Impey’s automobile to help turn the tide of the battle. Sisi is there too. Which makes one ask ‘where is Delly, then?’

The answer is ‘not in this route, screw you, he doesn’t want to be here’.

Where’s Germain? He’s busy. It’ll be obvious why in a bit. That said, they have Avido dead to rights once Van Helsing and Impey get there (it’s mostly Van. Impey’s great and all, but Van doesn’t need back up) What do they do? Do they kill this murdering scumbag who wants to rule the entire world just so he can kill people when he feels like it? Who’s sold girls off into slavery? Who’s killed people just because he felt annoyed?

NO. FOR IF YOU KILL ME, BATMAN, YOU WILL BECOME ME.

Now, Impey and Lupin don’t kill. Even when Lupin was like ‘Hey, I love this girl and if you say that again I’ll literally kill you’, he didn’t actually kill the guy when the person immediately said it again. Victor can do it, but it’s pretty deeply traumatizing to him, and he’s pretty firmly in the ‘might doesn’t make right’ camp. But Van Helsing does. Sure, he’s deeply traumatized from the war and he won’t kill unless necessary - pretty much it’s a hard sell to kill anyone not Finis shaped....but he does it. Between ‘crime family compromising its ideals for revenge and becoming criminals’ and ‘man under the protection of the crown killing a violent and horrible criminal he was sent to deal with who has directly endangered his friends’, Van’s gonna just step up and do it.

Instead though, it seems Lupin had told everyone on the team except Cardia about his actual plan, which was to blow all the treasures to hell instead, and let Shirley pull the trigger. because revenge, I guess.

Since the ship is now SINKING, Impey and everyone but Germain (hold pls, he’s busy) drive off of the ship onto the dock in a way that would definitely do damage to the car and the dock, and into the night with the assumption that the Yard will do clean up from there.

In the biggest plot twist of the entire route, when treated the exact same way he was last time he got caught and had his plans blow up in his face, Avido again doesn’t learn his lesson. Instead, he manages to get a mother heckin tank off of his sinking ship and chases the Impeymobile through the streets.

Let me take a moment to say: the insane scientist he got this from had BETTER be Nemo, or else all of Victoria’s dreams of the UK having superior military force to the rest of the world just went up in smoke. Because, fun fact, Germany wasn’t so hard to handle in WW2 because of mustard gas. It was their tanks. (and as another aside: Germany got beaten up in WW1, only to come back dominant in WW2, so Victoria’s entire ‘spark a world war now to ensure dominance forever’ plan wouldn’t work no matter what)

Anyway, back to the subject at hand: I’m not mad that they don’t know how to fight a tank. That’s understandable. Tanks are a big deal. My problem is that the tank is able to plow right through solid brick buildings lengthwise. Not one or two, but just...constantly plowing through the alleyways at a speed so high that an automobile can’t escape. That is not how it works. Another problem is that neither Impey nor Lupin ever realize that the tank can’t turn for heck, and the automobile could spin circles around it if necessary.

But most of all, Avido pops his stupid head out of the tank at one point during the chase, and somehow it continues to be piloted. There’s never any mention or indication that anyone is in that tank besides him, he’s just Mr. Fantastic, and can stretch out and bend his legs infinitely, allowing him to pilot a tank full speed while standing more than halfway out of the thing. Worse than that super power, we have an impenetrable literal tank chasing the Lupin group around, destroying Liverpool, backing them into a corner. Soon they’re going to run out of a place to run, or they’re going to get hit and die.

Why, then, does Van Helsing see Avido pop his stupid head out, and proceed to do literally nothing? Obviously at this point he should just kill Avido, because nothing else will stop him, but just a few minutes before it’s mentioned that Van Helsing is so quick to switch from shrapnel to rock salt that it looks like some kind of a super power, which means he has ZERO reason he can’t just shoot Avido in the face with rock salt and knock the fool out.

Instead...they do nothing and just listen to him babble for a bit until his head pops back in again. Then they discuss jumping over to the tank and probably intend to get in there to get at him. You know, like they could have just done if he popped his head out.

Faced with all possible choices, Lupin decides the smart thing to do is to ram full speed into a renovating hotel and hope Avido is stupid enough to follow in. And, you know, that the falling debris will do anything to a tank that rammed right through an entire alleyway worth of buildings without slowing down or looking at all damaged.

Van Helsing is Van Helsing, and he protects the automobile from excessive damage, and lo - the plan works. It incapacitates the tank.

Avido, who could now safely play dead and wait for them to leave, instead climbs out of the tank (uninjured) and comes at them again. At this point although he was initially intimidated by Van Helsing he seems to be aware that no one is ever going to kill him, because he charges Van Helsing again.

Cue long boring monologue involving Avido’s slightly more interesting sob story and Darius absolutely refusing to ever kill Avido because IDEALS.

Currently they looped back around to the port and are near the boat, which may make you say ‘oh wait, where is Saint Germain anyway?’ The answer to that question is ‘not there, because we can’t have a literal time assassin who massacres entire villages of innocent people for the sake of the timeline be here while we pretend that good people don’t kill’. Sholmes also sat this out, because he would have been given permission to kill Avido legally, and we can’t have that.

But yes.

Germain’s busy on the boat threatening to kill people for some sweet art, while everyone is passionately preaching at Avido that they’d never kill him, not ever. Which is good for Avido, because if Germain weren’t busy getting filthier rich, the conversation would have been cut very short.

Y’know.

When Germain just stabbed him through the heart from behind.

As he does.

Also, we’d have to answer the question of ‘if this man is endangering the entire world with his plan, or even all of London, isn’t this a serious concern for the proper path of humanity? Ie; shouldn’t Germain be killing this man?’ if he were there.

Darius is like ‘well, you’re family, so even though you’re a murderous psychopath who purposefully got people nonconsensually addicted to a deadly drug and sold who knows how many innocents into slavery, I’m gonna look out for you’ just in time for Leonhart to show up and flail angrily at Arsene.

He immediately blames Lupin and the gang for the mass destruction of Liverpool, and instead of anyone saying “Well, actually it’s that tank there, It kept shelling the place and mowing through buildings because Avido is a psychopath”, Victor goes “Well, we have no excuse”

yes

yes you do

you didn’t do the destruction. (Except the hotel, but at that point it was ‘damage a rebuilding hotel or die’, so really...)

There’s a vaguely humorous bit where the mafioso realizes that the royal guard isn’t interested in arresting the mafia, just the random band of thieves, and then, wonderfully...Saint Germain finally shows up.

Truly, he lights up everything when he’s around. Aside from the times when he’s obligated to turn his murder blades on Cardia. That’s just sad.

Anyway, left to his own devices, Germain extorted a bunch of mafia into overfilling his automobile full of priceless treasures and cash. He’s shameless about it. It’s adorable. Give that man your art. Do it. It’s not a request, he’s taking your art.

Anyway, since the Impeymobile is wrecked, they all hop into Germain’s getaway car, and zoom off in a pretty cute ending CG, benny hill music playing as Leon chases them and Victor - poor, precious baby - nearly falling out of the car like a dweeb.

Sadly, there’s an epilogue, because this route is bad and it won’t let Germain save it.

Oh yeah, there’s an irrelevant noble who dies right before Germain probably would have killed him anyway. It’s stated that no one really tries to stop Germain from keeping his treasures, because most of them were originally acquired illegally and some are even national treasures of other nations, so even acknowledging they exist would possibly spark a war that Victoria totally, definitely doesn’t actually want for realsies.

Victoria responds to them saving the country and the world by not really responding. Instead, she sends them an invoice for the damage to Liverpool that they didn’t cause. It’s just so knee-slappingly hilarious that the invoice somehow matches the cost of those aforementioned priceless treasures. Because that gag is ALWAYS FUNNY AND NEVER OLD! IT’S SO FUNNY! HAHA THEY MADE MONEY BUT THE COST TOOK UP ALL THE MONEY! HAHA

except you know...

how...

how does the cost match priceless artifacts? Germain isn’t selling them, and he can’t even if he wants to. There’s not even price tags on some of them. How is it they’re ‘in the red’? Just the cash that was in the car?

Yeah, no, it’s stupid.

And to just cap off that bowl of stupid, we get to see The Demon, who unfortunately survived her repeated kamekaze attempts. This time the Lupin gang remembered that Twilight exists, so Delly and Passy go with her and Cardia on the town.

Naturally, because Shirley’s a little shit, she harasses and disrespects Delly.

...Well, it’s supposed to just be ‘two kids playing’, but Shirley’s a miserable little cave troll without a single redeeming iota of her being, so it just comes off as her being unreasonably rude to Delly.

There’s another photographer moment like in the Airship picture, but instead of a cute picture, it’s cropped out Delly and Passy, and just focuses on Shirley and Cardia holding ice cream, while the little brat has five scoops on her cone, which is definitely going to end up mostly melted on the street.

The route ends with Cardia being happy that she’s ‘made a friend that’s her same gender and age’. After establishing RIGHT BEFORE that Shirley is about Delly’s age, and is playing like a child with him while Cardia and Passy watch them.

Also for some weird reason, everyone is convinced that Sisi is a guard dog in this route. Just because.

You might think ‘is there a pay off with that whole statue thing’? no

You might think ‘okay, so what’s the conclusion with Herlock Sholmes? Does he toss some part of his earning for the assignment to Lupin and the others who actually did 100% of the job while he sat back and did nothing?’ no, nothing happens

You may think ‘okay, at least maybe they clarify what happens with the Twilight, or where Shirley is during the epilogues?’ no

no they don’t.

you may even think ‘at least Avido is dead or in prison or something permanently punished for all the horrible-’

no

no

it’s a bad route

it’s an awful route

it’s bad, bro.

Just enjoy the boys - particularly Germain - being cute. That’s all you get.

But not Delly.

Delly didn’t want to be a part of this crappy route.

[cmyknoise]

This is Regulus, a.k.a Pavo, a Virgil/Roman fusion. 

Unlike most fusions, Virgil and Roman were fused against their will in an experiment. Two entertainers and actors from the 1920′s from an alternate universe, merged into one ‘perfect’ person meant for television. Too bad that television evolved. Meanwhile he remains completely monochrome, voice old, and unchanging. To unfuse means pain, immense pain. 

They don’t want to be fused, but are stable out of needing to stay fused. They did know each other well, in a way not entirely accepted at the time. Perhaps that is why they were chosen to become Pavo, a way to keep the two actors apart in all ways but keep their talent alive. 

Regulus is his chosen name, as Pavo was a given show name. Regulus does unfuse, but it never is able to last more than a couple minutes willingly. It hurts them too much. They’re no longer meant to be two, but one. 

I wrote a small fic for them! It’s under the cut!

          There was a scream from a nearby room which caused the actor bound and locked up to wince. He wished he had never signed the contract, but hindsight was everything. How was he supposed to know that it would lead to this? He had thought it was just another movie contract, why wouldn’t he? That’s what the document had been phrased like. He wished he had never told his...friend, but good was wishing going to do? He had already tried to break out, that hadn’t led to anything good. Negotiation didn’t either. He could only hope to see his friend again. He had only overheard the plan for them and it didn’t sound  particularly fun.

          Pain, that’s all the comedian could feel. Searing, sharp, and tearing pain with no starting point, it was just everywhere, from his head to his toes. His screams had stopped, but not because he did, because they made them stop. They were no good and neither were their plans.

                                                             ☆

          Television had become a hit, national phenomenon. It would seem that joining that profession had been a mistake. He had started his career off on the radio. He had told stories for entertainment, and when he got the opportunity to show these stories, he took up the opportunity, quickly becoming a new star in the fresh-forming Hollywood. His previous popularity helped the lovely new star grow, meet some people, have fun. Company was found in an actor who had started off in broadway. They had heard of each other, shared interests, and a relationship was built on a solid foundation. They had wanted to play in something where they could both be lead roles, and when an offer had seemingly fell into their lap, they took it up without hesitation.

                                                            ☆

          They had gotten starring rolls together alright, they’d have this roll for the rest of their lives, and beyond their natural life. Television was projected to grow in popularity, projected that everyone would have one within their homes. Television would last through the ages. What wouldn’t last would be the television stars. They come and go, something already clear within the short time it had been around. The solution to this had been posed, make an actor to last the ages. This solution was perhaps not the easiest, but it was an interesting one. The question shortly came, was it even possible? The only answer to this question seemed to be ‘let’s try it’, and they did.

          They needed two. Two people who were young, talented, in the industry. That is where the two friends were chosen. Really it was just bad luck it seemed. The goal? Make the two one, one super talented person, created for television, created to act and preform and entertain, made to look good on the screen. The lab where this would take place looked like something what one would imagine Frankenstein’s lab would look like. Two tables, straps and tools which no licensed doctor would even consider using, even in desperate measures.  

                                                            ☆

          The lab of course, now was empty, just a box, free of what it once held. They, those who had come up with the idea, the two actors who had brought in. Even the story had been gone, a rumor which was created when the well renowned actors had disappeared. Some said they had passed away, others said they had run away from the lime light, changed their names and lived a simple life. No one really seemed to know for sure where they went, so stories of the supernatural had been made, of tests, kidnappings, some even proposed aliens. The two had been quickly forgotten in the height of the depression and coming of a war.

          There was one who could only wish such a thing were true. He wished the two had run away, even wished that perhaps they died the night they went missing. They didn’t of course, that’s how stories like these go. Rumors are often more true than the supposed ‘truth’.  

                                                            ☆

          A forgotten vessel stuck in an era long passed traversed the world in the dead of night, a time when even those who would see his face wouldn’t question it. He was bathed in monochrome, and a close enough look would reveal that he seemed to blur and pop like old TVs. He hardly would speak in public, if he even made contact with others that is. If he were to speak, you’d think you were listening to an old record or watching something from decades and decades ago. 

          Moving around was necessary when the laws of life didn’t apply to you, but he always seemed to end up back where he started, gazing at the Hollywood sign, longing for what he almost had, for what was taken away. Work had really became hard to find in the sixties, and after that, for someone like him, almost impossible. If he didn’t want questioned, attention, and to end up back where he woke up, keeping a low profile was needed.

                                                            ☆

          Despite all this, he really resided where it all began. A nearly empty building, long since cleared out. A lab, empty box of a place, with only memories and the ghost of the horrors which had happened there. A living, breathing, suffering ghost. The place really was pretty empty. He had little belongings, and seldom went out to get new ones. He did have a bed, some changes of clothes, and a box of very, very old things. If he wished, he could easily sell them for money, but they had more sentimental value.  A dark but faded blazer with hints of purple lay on the bed.

          He walked over to the mattress, sitting down on it before sprawling across it. The blazer which once fit someone, didn’t fit him, but that was okay. It was old, and no longer had it’s familiar smell, but had its comfort. Something deep within him wanted to slip it on and sink into its familiarity, its comfort. Something else wanted to grip onto it, pull it close, and so he did, its all he could do. He wrapped its sleeves around his hands and tugged it tight, nuzzling into it. Oh how he wished he could be two again.

[rpgmgames]

April’s Featured Game: Magical Disaster X

DEVELOPER(S): Atlas ENGINE: RPG Maker VX Ace GENRE: Comedy, Side scroller, RPG WARNINGS: Strong Language SUMMARY: Magical Disaster X is a zany comedic romp that has you control a posse of awful magical girls as they cruise through a secret hideout of hideously incompetent villains.

Play the IGMC version of the game here!

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! Heya I'm Atlas aka Melon Kid, making games is a serious passion of mine and I hope to stick with it for the long run, otherwise I occasionally do other junk like animation or slowly decompose in my chair as I disassociate from reality and become one with nothing, oh and I've been trying to get into art lately too.

What is your project about? What inspired you to create your game initially? *Atlas: I've always wanted to make a project that was outrageous and fun, but for a while I've never really had a proper vessel for it. But in the past year or so, I began recognizing magical girls as a seriously underappreciated genre in video games and I thought the two were a match made in heaven!

How long did you work on your project? *Atlas: I began concepting some stuff not terribly long ago but it was sitting on the backburner until the IGMC rolled around at the end of the year in 2018. The time limit for that contest was one month, so naturally I put it together in roughly a month too.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *Atlas: Oh yeah, a for sure influence is Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt, some people have actually picked up on that on their own which was pretty surprising to me - and there's no way I can't mention Space Patrol Luluco which so excellently captures the feelings I want to put into the game. Both of them are Trigger animes. . . coincidence? :3c

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *Atlas: BOY HOWDY-- okay so basically, the first half of the contest was a disaster because I somehow had to condense all of the cool things I wanted to do in the frame of a one hour game. I literally spent the first two weeks just scrapping story ideas over and over because I just couldn't be content with anything, halfway into the contest I had virtually nothing to show for it. At some point with a little encouragement from a friend I just stuck with my best idea at the time and rolled with it and. . . it turned out not so terrible, but man was my brain on fire the whole time from overthinking so much. To make it worse, the artist who worked with me last year (Inazuma / Golden Mimic) was suddenly out of commission and wasn't sure if he could participate or not. It wasn't until the last stretches that I was able to scramble together and get some friends on board for the project to try and make up for all the lost time. Remember how I said I made the game in a month? Yeah that was a lie, this flaming pile of wreckage was cobbled together in just a few weeks of massive crunch, god bless you Floramy.

Did any aspects of your project change over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *Atlas: The initial concept differs from the IGMC project which differs from the current iteration so yeah. It definitely changed over time. For the IGMC game, pretty much all of the features, story ideas, and characters were gutted to make space for a compact 1-hour experience that could best convey everything I wanted to do with the game. It's like the core concept on crack, because I wanted to squeeze in as much fun content as I could in that short amount of time.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *Atlas: At first it was just me and my artist Inazuma who I worked with last year, and then over the course of development it became me and @f-loramy, a very cool and handsome friend B^). And I definitely got a lot of support from other friends as well!

What was the best part of developing the game? *Atlas: I think the best part of development for me is seeing characters come to life. Story is such an integral part of everything I make and I love writing dialogue so when I feel like I get those interactions to click, it's very satisfying.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *Atlas: I do play other RPG Maker games from time to time but just as a hobby, I've seen some impressive things done with the engine but a lot of the time I'm not too interested in the spectacle or fancy features.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *Atlas: Hesperos is definitely my favorite character. She's a blast to write for, she acts like a sailor-mouthed idiot and constantly does REALLY stupid things, but at the same time she's actually very observant and is a lot more soft-hearted than she'd have you believe.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *Atlas: I don't think I could've done anything differently realistically, but I do wish I'd gotten it together sooner so I didn't have to finish the game last minute!

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *Atlas: Yeah!!! Magical Disaster X is just a teeny slice of a giant five layer cake, I have so many things planned for it when I start on the full version of the game!

With your current project, what do you look most forward to upon/after release? *Atlas: There's nothing more I love than to watch let's plays or streams of the games I make and seeing people enjoy them. It's a very fulfilling experience that reassures me that folks out there really do enjoy what I put out.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *Atlas: I do want to go commercial and that aspect is honestly pretty daunting. I can easily imagine commission costs ramping up fast so I'm not gonna lie that has me sweating a little as a poor person. . .

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *Atlas: This is going to be pretty unusual advice since most people will tell you to start with small projects, but here's what I have to say: Get to know the engine for sure, BUT, when you start working on a game for real, make sure you LOVE the concept or world. Something that you know for sure you'll want to come back to even if you have to sideline it for a while. See, I had this problem in the earlier phases of developing games, and that was to jump into projects where I thought "hey this is a cool idea! I'd like to do this!" But then it happened again, and I pushed the previous project behind me figuring I can work on two at once. And then it happened again, and again, and I was just shelving projects and ideas left and right. The one time I actually committed to one of these ideas, it sucked hard because I initially wanted it to be a smaller project but I started concepting a ton of cool stuff for it and expanded the universe and it got the point where I realized, I have all this sweet content but the core of the game was one I wasn't like super passionate about. It collapsed under the weight of its own feature creep and I gave up on it entirely - I had no intention of putting that much time and effort into a game I know I wasn't going to really love. That's why I've been curating my ideas WAY more carefully lately and been all the better for it. Maybe this won't apply to everyone, but for those that it does. . . you already know who you are ;j

Question from last month's featured dev @abigailfortune: Is there a certain theme or a topic you would like to explore in a game one day? *Atlas: Too many to count! Here's a funny story, my college English professor once told me that every story ought to have a message of some kind and I scoffed at the idea like "huh? That's dumb, it can just be something meaningless and fun." Which I still hold to be true, however, as I've gotten more and more serious about making games I've come to realize that I've wanted to include strong underlying messages in each and every one. Social and economic injustices, mental health, love and abuse - these are things I think about all the time and I feel somewhere in my heart that it's important to connect with people and let them know they're not alone, or to bring awareness to things they might not have even considered before. The point where a story, no matter how fantastical, really becomes 'real' is when it speaks to your audience on this deeper level and that's something I want to strive for all the time.

We mods would like to thank Atlas for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Magical Disaster X if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[shortmania]

If Olga had children, what do you imagine they would be like?

Oh, I created a batch of those years ago. This pic’s from 2014:

To create OC kids, there’s a lot of junk you have to consider. Mother, father, family, parenting styles, income, environment, and all the ways these things might come together to form a person. And thinking about Olga as a mother has always been… fucking hysterical, honestly. Like can you imagine? Can you stand it? I’ve only ever been able to think about it in short bursts because it’s too much for me. It’s too much. 

There’s also The Patakis to think about, and the ways Olga is likely to change as she gets older. Lucky for my sanity, I see her developing into a calmer, wiser, less chaotic sort of person. Less luckily, I don’t see this being a particularly significant development. It doesn’t matter if she’s 20 or 50, she’ll always be Olga Pataki and Olga Pataki is ridiculous. I don’t want to say she’d be a bad mom, but… she wouldn’t be a very good mom, either? She’d do some things right and other things very wrong. I’ll get into that, but lemme just do a quick rundown of the other basic considerations here: dad, income, and environment. 

I created a husband for Olga around the same time I made these kids, but I never developed him very far past a few basic traits and a general backstory. So he’s very basic, but he works. Charles was a good friend from Wellington College (in England) who shared most of her English classes, was the only one to maintain contact with her after she transferred to Bennington, came from money, raised by nannies, bit of a nervous wreck but hides it well because that’s how he was taught–to be pent up and twitchy. His fam wanted him to be a lawyer or business man but he quietly rebelled by becoming an English major instead, knowing full well how useless a degree it is and not caring at all. He eventually goes on to be a successful playwright, though, and Olga performs in all his plays. So, income would be decent verging on very decent, and their kids would grow up somewhere teeming with theatrical opportunities. Probably somewhere really crowded and loud and pretentious.  

Getting right into it then, from left to right, we have Angelique, Helena, and Genevieve, because Olga’s That Bitch. They attend(ed) a fancy private school because Olga’s That Bitch. They’re all very well-read, well-traveled and “well-behaved” because Olga’s That Bitch. But since Olga is, as specified, That Bitch, her kids didn’t escape her influence unscathed. 

Tbh, I do think any kids Olga would have would be Pretty Good Kids™– barring her having any with an absolute scumbag like she so easily could, but that’s another question entirely (I write fluff and comedy, so these kids reflect that) – but. Hmm. I see Mom!Olga being extremely affectionate, extremely emotional, and frequently selfish; generally hella overbearing; definitely stifling. And she wouldn’t want to, but I can’t see her not on some level perceiving her children as extensions of herself, and thus incapable of coping with anything less than Excellence on their parts. Not to say that I think she’d be a monster. I don’t think she’d force them into things or demand they win awards or anything like what Bob or Miriam did to her, but being in the same room as her with a less than impressive report card would be… uncomfortable. And that’d be on top of her always being in their business, looking over their shoulders, and constantly trying to spend quality time with them. Even when they don’t want to spend time with her, and so help any of them that say as much, because Olga’s incredibly sensitive. So layers upon layers of bad, there.

Some rebellion would be expected, then, so Genevieve gets into the goth punk scene. She’s more casual about it as an adult, but Olga doesn’t understand her. Helena uses comedy and misdirection as a defense and smiles very big and very nervous when her mom’s lip wobbles at her a little too expressively. Angelique straight up hides from her. She used to be sweeter, used to gently comfort her mom whenever she inadvertently did anything that upset her, but it took a toll on her and she can’t handle crying, or disappointment, or criticism, and she hates explaining herself so she avoids ever needing to. She’s a little emotionally underdeveloped, as a result. Not good for anyone to avoid conflict.

I also see Olga babying the hell out of her kids, so that would be another reason for Genevieve to rebel and Angelique to be Babey. In some ways, it’d be good, like they’d be generally very sweet kids, but I’m not sure how emotionally stable they’d be. Better than Olga, at least. Their methods of coping with heartbreak and life’s little every day tragedies would be… interesting, though. I sense a lot of Beethoven’s 5689574th and other general dramatics. Dancing, ice cream, black mourning veils being broken out over the smallest things. Either that or just complete repression.

Since you asked specifically how I imagined the kids, I’ll go ahead and give a messy little bio on each.

Genevieve: I wanted to play with the dichotomy of the Posh Gifted Nerd archetype and the Cold Badass Rebel archetype. Bob has an influence on her in that he’s something of a military enthusiast (I guess?), and I see Genevieve being lowkey into that as a kid, until she gets older and learns more about what goes on overseas and how much carbon emission hummers give off. Incorporates a lot of her old camouflage into her goth punk looks as a mocking salute to that now. Proudly rides on the outskirts of society in her down time, but she’s the most academically-driven out of her sisters and was absolutely Valedictorian. Reads a lot of books, a lot of Smart Person magazines, and listens to a wide range of music (classical, alternative, showtunes, punk, jazz). Creative. Loves history, but especially the Georgian, Victorian and Edwardian periods of Europe. Super into black pearls and lace. Bit nihilistic, but cares a lot about everything. Always gets into very interesting conversations with Helga, but Olga has no clue how to talk to her.

Angelique: I already kinda rambled about her, but she’s my All Natural Girl. No makeup, no piercings, had to be talked into using conditioner, almost gave up shampoo once (bad month for everyone). Shy, sweet, sensitive. Concerned with the world at large. She tries to be an academic like her family but she’s really not. She dresses and behaves like a perfect little nerd, but school doesn’t interest her, and she feels hella guilty and self-loathing about it. All she ever really wants to do is watch trashy made-for-TV dramas, cook/bake and moon hopelessly over guys. DIY af, buys nothing new. Is Babey. Soft clothes, soft eyes, a little messy and chaotic. Constant low-level thrum of anxiety. Rumpled button-ups and over-worn sweaters energy, forever jeans, rarely in skirts because skirts are stressful. That character you forget and underestimate but shocks you with insight from time to time. Will probably end up a baker or smthn. The oldest of the kids, actually, though she rarely acts like it.

Helena: That girl who raids your fridge, chews twelve sticks of gum and paints your nails whether you want her to or not. No sense of personal space, very touchy-feely, always wants to braid hair and thinks makeup on dudes is the greatest invention ever. Goes against the dress code at her school very brazenly but gets away with it because her work is excellent and the teachers adore her. Attitude in spades but she’s a sweetheart. Lots of friends. Loves her mom to death but tends to avoid her without quite meaning to. More Daddy’s girl, though she avoids him, too. Parents are no fun. Thinks her Aunt Helga and Uncle Arnold are the absolute shit, because why would we want to live in a world where she didn’t?

And that’s my take. There are lots different ways Olga With Kids could go down, but Intense and Stifling are pretty much the two things I see as being universal variables in the equation. So, yeah. Maybe a little less fluffy than originally intended, but Idk. These are old designs. Other drawings and further information on these kids here and here. Shown pic here. I hope this was helpful anyway. Have a good.

[alivingfire]

Ohmygod I love podcasts!!! Can you rec me some? It's hard to find good ones sometimes.

YES! I CAN! 

i’ve been knee deep in podcasts for about three months now, and i have, apparently, wide and varying interests, so i’ll put a little descriptor of each. also, i listen to podcasts on the Stitcher app, but i think all of these are on itunes if you prefer that, and i linked the websites if you want more info. 

DARK STUFF

my favorite murder - this is 100% my favorite podcast now, but the first time i listened to it, i had to switch it off. start from the newest episodes, get a feel for it, and then you can go back and start at episode one, which is still interesting but before the hosts really find their footing. basically, karen and georgia are two friends who love true crime, so they talk about their favorite weird murders and mysteries. it’s dark, but it’s also really funny (they’re both comedians) and i think they learned to really strike a balance between jokes and the serious stuff. they’re also super feminist – their sign-off at the end of each episode is “stay sexy, don’t get murdered.” 

someone knows something - canadian investigative journalist david ridgen tackles unsolved mysteries, one story per season. if you like documentaries, you’ll like how this podcast is set up. ridgen interviews witnesses, friends, families, police officers – basically everyone around the cases he’s looking into. it unfolds like a story and you really feel like you’re right in the middle of it. you don’t have to start at season one, but definitely start at episode one of whichever season you pick, because these are episodic and won’t make sense if you go backwards. 

lore - this podcast is SO GOOD, and it’s actually just been turned into a short miniseries on amazon prime that is incredibly creepy and well done. lore is written by a horror author, aaron mahnke, who takes you through the scariest stories and legends, and how they came to be part of our world. the first episode is about vampires, and it legitimately has such a twist ending that i screamed. if you like spooky, mythology and legend and history-based stuff, this is the best. 

LEARN STUFF

literature and history - think about your favorite dorky teacher who makes ridiculous jokes and is so. genuine about learning and teaching that you get interested in the subject because he’s so interested in the subject. now imagine that guy was a harvard professor who totally knows his shit and he starts a podcast. starting from the beginning of history, this guy takes you through the pieces of writing that have changed the world. he’s super soothing and i’ve already read a couple of books he recommended. definitely start at episode one for this one, chronology is important and he builds on each episode. 

no such thing as a fish - if you like dry british humor and trivia, this is the one you’ll want. the writers of the super famous british panel show QI (the show stephen fry hosted) talk about their favorite random facts that they discovered and researched that week. super funny, and you’re still learning. 

good night stories for rebel girls - if you are a strong woman or love strong women or want to someday be a strong woman, listen to this podcast. this is still relatively new, but the format is amazing: the writers and hosts turned the stories of real women throughout history into fairytales. incredibly inspiring, and you get to learn about awesome women you might have only vaguely heard of. 

nancy - the best lgbtq podcast you could ask for. lgbtq people, stories, histories, pop culture, and interviews that will absolutely have you bawling. this is an NPR podcast, so it’s interview-heavy, but the subjects are handled well and there’s no queer tragedy here, it’s all very hopeful and realistic without being pessimistic. 

ENTERTAINMENT STUFF

ID10T - this used to be called nerdist, and it’s hosted by chris hardwick, the guy who used to host @midnight on comedy central. basically, hardwick and either his cohosts or a famous person – as of this post, the last guest was antonio banderas – talk about ~~nerd things of the week: movies, comics, video games, tv shows, etc. etc. it’s basically just pop culture, at this point (because video games aren’t just for nerds anymore, kiddos), but what’s fun about it is that hardwick is incredibly unapologetic about absolutely loving the things he loves. it’s more fun to listen to this guy geek out about stuff than listening to other people find ways to criticize the things you love, i promise.  

gilmore guys - pretty much what it says on the tin - two guys watch gilmore girls and talk about each episode. you’re probably wondering why you would want to listen to some random guys talking about a show you (presumably) love, but they’re really careful to stay away from anything mansplain-y or judgmental. one of the guys, kevin, is a huge gilmore girls fan, and the other host, demi, is watching for the first time, so it’s interesting to hear their discussions, especially regarding race, homophobia, and a lot of other issues that the the show writers tiptoe around. definitely don’t start at season one for this show – it’s super rough and there’s even a little minute-long intro on the very first episode that says so. start at about season three, there’s not a lot you’ll miss and they’ve got a rhythm down by that point. 

STRAIGHT UP STORIES 

welcome to night vale - if you’ve been anywhere near podcasts or, tbh, tumblr, for the last few years, you’re probably at least slightly aware of WTNV. in all honesty, it lives up to the hype. it’s not scary so much as unsettling, very southwest gothic and supernatural. WNTV is the story of a strange town in the middle of the desert, told to you by cecil, the town’s local radio broadcaster. cecil tells you all about what’s going on in night vale, from the shadowy city council who sends monsters after people they disagree with, to the radio station’s cat floating in the bathroom, to old woman josie’s angels that hang out in her house. it’s interesting because, underneath all the unsettling creepiness, it’s super feminist, super pro-lgbtq rights, and super anti-authority/anti-establishment. if nothing else, cecil’s voice is one of the most soothing of all the podcast voices, and the quality of the writing and acting is superb from episode one. 

wooden overcoats - hands down one of the funniest dramedies i’ve ever seen or listened to. wooden overcoats is the story of a tiny british island, where brother and sister rudyard and antigone funn run the island’s only funeral home, at least until a guy named eric chapman moves his own funeral home in right across the street and ruins everything for them. everyone, from the mayor down to antigone herself, falls head over heels for chapman, and rudyard has to find a way to keep the family business running even though he’s not very good at his job and would prefer to do as little as possible. the voice acting is SUPERB, and i genuinely mean it’s hilarious, with lots of gallows humor and funny timing. 

the penumbra podcast - the penumbra is a hotel in the middle of nowhere, and every person staying there has a story. some of the stories are one-offs, and some of them, like the story of juno steel, space private eye, are recurring. it’s very old-timey radio style, lots of noir monologues and humphrey bogart-esque one-liners. some of the early episodes are rough, but they’ve actually gone back and re-recorded the juno steel ones, so they’ll be the best to start with. 

the bright sessions - do you like superheroes? do you like the dark side of superhero stories, where people with powers have to deal with being different and strange and emotional all while trying not to accidentally time travel or read someone else’s mind? this one’s for you. the bright sessions are therapy sessions between dr. bright and her patients, who are atypicals, or, basically, superheroes without the spandex. dr. bright helps her patients work on controlling their powers, all while a shady secret government organization watches overhead. you’ll want to start from episode one on this story, but you’ll probably immediately have a favorite patient. 

the bridge - another not so creepy, but more unsettling podcast. set in a slightly-different alternate universe where there’s a hundreds-of-miles-long bridge that stretches across the atlantic ocean from the united states to europe, you join a bored traffic reporter as she tells stories from other watch towers and stations along the bridge, which, after decades of use, is mostly abandoned. all the while, creepy stuff starts happening on her watch, and she and the other bridge employees have to figure out if they’re really in danger, or if they’ve been at sea too long. 

the truth - a lot like the penumbra podcast, the truth is a collection of short stories, acted out like actual movies. the first one caught and hooked me – what would’ve happened if apollo 11 didn’t land on the moon, and instead became the first space tragedy? the stories are (again, i have a pattern) dark but funny, and they’re incredibly creative. 

PODCASTS I HAVEN’T STARTED, BUT THAT ARE ON MY LIST: 

you must remember this - classic stories from the classic hollywood era, from marilyn monroe to charles manson and a lot more early stars we’ve completely forgotten about. 

wolf 359 - stories set in a space station floating out in the middle of nowhere, the crew of wolf 359 search for alien life and try not to die lightyears away from home. 

alice isn’t dead - made by the creators of welcome to night vale, so i’m sure this is good. alice is a truck driver who has to road trip around the country (and beyond) to find her missing wife.

the podcast history of our world - a lot like literature & history, this guy is just so excited to teach that he makes you excited to learn. he’s also really good about covering underrepresented people, which is more interesting than learning yet again about history from the side of colonizers.

EOS 10 - i have at least listed to the first episode of this, so i can confirm what everyone says: this is basically the show scrubs, set in space. a lot of doctors who think they know what they’re doing but are really on their own with no clue what to do.

heaven’s gate - more true crime! heaven’s gate was a cult that committed mass suicide in 1997. the host dives into the lives of the cult members to prove that anyone could’ve been caught up in the story.

if anyone has any recs, i’m happy to add to my list!

[bidrums]

Something about episode 4 that bothered me that I really need to get off my chest

So @strangesurvivals​  has really good posts about this that honestly made me realize that was exactly what bothered me and they are very put-together posts, so if you want something that’s not as rambling as mine, go check it out. Check it out regardless of what I put on here, because it’s a great blog and they deserve love and attention.

Here’s what rubbed me the wrong way: the stupid Warlock school subplot and the concept of the Alpha.

In a post I made with my general thoughts on the episode, I mentioned that I thought it was interesting about the concept of Supreme vs Alpha but followed it with saying I wasn’t about to start discourse.

Well, I retract that statement and am going to start discourse.

I’ll probably be crucified for saying that Coven wasn’t my favorite season, but it wasn’t. I love the concept and absolutely adore the characters and agree that the season kicked some serious ass, but I couldn’t really jam with the plot. I don’t know why, since I’ve watched and read very similar things, but I just couldn’t really get into it. Sorry. Even though it wasn’t my favorite season, I definitely screamed when they appeared and loved all the scenes they were in. Because they're characters that I love and actresses that I love, and I knew that would up the stakes more than they were already upped.

And then the plot happened.

I make fun of the fact that it started out like Harry Potter with Michael being recruited, but then Ryan took the Chosen One concept a bit too far and decided to call it the Alpha. And I just, no. Just no. No, don’t do that. Don’t do that to Michael. He’s already the Antichrist. That’s more than enough of a role to fill, and he doesn't need some Harry Potter/Star Wars magic Chosen One that’s destined to defeat the Ultimate Evil (TM) on top of being the Antichrist. It’s unnecessary and it took away from that subplot for me. It felt lazy, it felt forced, it felt contradictory, it just lessened the impact of the Antichrist plot and Michael’s harnessing of his powers. At least, the way Ryan did it. I’ll get back to that.

So Michael Potter Skywalker is taken to a magic school to develop his Amazing Magic Powers because something happens that tells The Powers That Be that he’s Super Powerful- more than any of them. Only one of those Authorities is suspicious and hesitant to take this person is because he can smell Big Trouble because This Kid Ain’t Right. But everyone laughs off Cheyanne Yoda Jackson because holy fuck he pulled some Exorcist shit then curled up in a ball crying on the floor he must be The One With The Ultimate Power (TM) we must take this emotionally unstable child in and harness his magic because absolutely nothing will go wrong with taking him in and teaching him to control his crazy strong magic that manifests himself in murder. Cheyanne Yoda Jackson is just being paranoid, he only impaled a guy with multiple knives and blew a guys head up. He may have Much Anger In Him and acts in a way that looks like he’s Demon Possessed, but have you seen his Midichlorian count? We have to bring him in because he might be able to destroy the Sith and bring Balance to the Force and finally dismantle the ever-present fear of Voldemort’s Reign of Terror! Stop being a spoilsport and train him like the rest of us, it’ll be fine! Oh, and we won’t help him adjust to his power gradually in order to make up for the years of training he lost in order to give him the same foundation everyone else has and the skills and trust of the System to not be reigned by his unstable emotions and Much Anger In Him. Nah, throw him in the deep end headfirst, he’ll be fine. In fact, we’ll raise our expectations and push him harder than everyone else and tell him his Destiny from the beginning so he has all this pressure on him. There’s no way he’ll lash out and have a sense of entitlement.

Now, who are The-Sith-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named that oppress the poor, defenseless Warlocks? The rest of humanity? That was in Coven, and it would be interesting to have a Magneto-type background that ties into his disgust at humanity and proves his “evil motherfuckers” point. Is it the Humans? It’s not? Who is it?

The Witches, of course! Those Nasty, Horrible Women who use their Superior Woman Magic to press the poor defenseless Warlocks who just want to Be Equals and not be molotov cocktailed after those Stupid Women didn’t have the foresight to the potential consequences of trying to foster good relations with the Muggle World and being open about their Mutant status because they’re Mutants, and they’re Proud! We need an Alpha Male to save us from the Uterus! A Level Four! The Manliest Man in all of Manhood who will put those women in their place and take them down from their High and Mighty Egos. In Coven they had thinly-veiled metaphors for racism by having European vs Voodoo magic fights that tried to make us see that the Poor White Girls are just Misunderstood and Blissfully Ignorant that the Voodoo Community is just as Powerful and Valid as the rest of them! And they still have that in Apocalypse, but now they also have Gender Inequality in it, too! But like, not showing the tired, traditional Oppressed Women narrative that a lot of feminists tell. No, it’s the Refreshing alternate view that maybe, there are areas of life where Men are not on top? And that’s bad for them? It’s daring and bold and no one has ever proposed this idea ever! I’m so creative and revolutionary!!!

The Supreme title was interesting to me because there’s always the Head Witch or something like that. But Ryan gave her the title of Supreme, because the one to master all fundamental areas of magic has Supreme Magic that is more powerful. Which makes sense and is pretty refreshing to me, because it felt like an acknowledgement while over-glorifying the title. Because Supreme also sounds like a threat and a title everyone would fight over, so whoever has that title has to constantly watch her back because other people will try to take that for themselves. The title was forged in blood, and it’s a constant reminder of that. And the show does a great job showing how hard and how dangerous that title is. It shows work, it shows strength, it shows earning the title.

That is the complete opposite of the Alpha role. Level Four. Honestly I hate the fact that they rank the students with 4 levels because it’s honestly unhealthy competition in my opinion. But we’re focusing on the Alpha. It’s a stupid concept, it’s a stupid plot device, it’s a stupid mentality, it’s a stupid rank, it’s a stupid title. “But you’re a Christian, isn’t that hypocritical of you because you’re okay with calling God the Alpha?” Actually, that’s not His full title. The full title is the Alpha and the Omega- which is FUCKING GREEK FOR THE BEGINNING AND THE END AND IS A PRETTY ACCURATE TITLE FOR THE FUCKING CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE AND DON’T BRING MY RELIGION INTO THIS I AM NOT GOING TO SAY THAT AGAIN

Anyways, the Alpha thing and why it’s hella problematic. Its real-life counterpart is a hideous mentality that really messed-up men have that leads to entitlement issues that lead to violence- usually against women whose bodies they feel they are owed and believe that their superior “Alpha Male” status demands. Just, it doesn’t matter if that’s what he was imagining- which I doubt given the context- or not, the fictional Alpha Male trope and the real-word damage the Alpha Male mentality causes make this fictional title undesirable and uncomfortable. It also doesn’t imply the hard work that the Supreme title does. Like I referenced in my sarcastic rant, it’s why people hated the Midichlorian thing in Star Wars. I actually asked my dad if they were mad because it wasn’t referenced in the original trilogy. He said, and I paraphrase, “Partly. It’s the implications of them not mentioning it in the original trilogy that we have a problem with. When it first came out, the Force was something that everyone had and that some people were more in tune with than others. But it was in everyone, so everyone with the right training could become a Jedi. You might not be as powerful as the other Jedi, but you can be a Jedi or at the very worst, someone with cool Force abilities that can use the Force. Just not at the level of the Jedi. That was awesome because me and everyone else was saying, “I could be a Jedi! I could learn how to master the Force! Then Episode 1 came out and it said, nah, you can’t. It’s twitch muscles. You have it, or you don’t. Your DNA determines wether or not you can actually use the Force. Everyone has the Force, but you can’t be trained to tap into that power. It was like a slap in the face to the people who spent decades with the fantasy of training to be a Jedi. Since you haven’t had the time gap between movies, it’s less of an issue. But to us, it hurts a lot.” And that’s exactly what the Alpha does. It’s not that Michael is powerful and gradually shows the potential to be the Alpha then proves himself to be able to survive the grueling process to earn that status. It’s just that they see that he’s powerful (which I have no idea how impressive that footage is since we don’t have a great example of how weak everyone else’s magic is in comparison, imo) and assume that because he’s super powerful he’s The One. It just wasn’t as compelling to me as finding out about the Supreme. And yes, the witches do inherently have more magic and yes, the Supreme inherently has more magic, but it’s still like the Jedi. Not everyone is Force-Sensitive, so not everyone can be a Jedi; by extension, not all the Jedi can have the highest rank and there are many nuances and strengths of the people’s Force abilities. That’s something that I thought was interesting in Coven and was a bit disappointed that they didn’t play around with it more, but that’s not what this is about. I’m just showing how the Warlocks could have a similar Nuance even with their ranking system and could’ve had more of a parallel with the Witches.

But they didn’t.

Instead Ryan decided to have some weird social commentary about how women could be as bad as men and whenever they have some area where they’re better than men, they abuse that area and twist the narrative to make themselves the victims; in these areas, the men are now the ones who have to fight tooth and claw to get equal treatment. This is the standard “Women can be just as bad as men given the opportunity!” narrative that hurts legitimate activism to get men the same treatment in areas such as domestic abuse, where the statistics of male victims and the numbers of how they receive justice for it are much different than for women. There was a social study where two actors pretended to be a couple having an argument in public that gets violent, with one partner starting to get more and more physical and the other partner getting more and more in danger of being seriously hurt. When the woman was the victim, people rushed to her aid and got in between them and called him out on his behavior. When the man was the victim, a significantly less number of people did that, and most people laughed it off as the male being “whipped”- or, not filling the male role in the relationship. The power balance is suddenly funny when the woman has more power over the women. Now, I’m not going to go into that discourse, and you have my word on that. Domestic abuse is a horrific epidemic that both men and women face, and statistically women are the victims much more than men. But that doesn’t mean that when men are abused, it’s not that bad as when women are. And so when activist groups push for more awareness of this epidemic and trying to change the narrative of what domestic abuse looks like, we should listen and treat it seriously. But when narratives like the Witch oppression of the Warlocks being used to bring attention to “reverse sexism”- which is bullshit, btw- it lessons actual legit activism and make both activism for male issues and activism for female issues seem less important. Less serious. They become more of a joke and people overreacting than things of actual importance. And it’s just bad writing. There are way better ways to have a Warlock vs Witch narrative that Michael is involved in. Way better ways. Way better ways than “oppressed men might have someone who can overthrow the oppressive women because he’s more powerful and men might be able to reclaim their position of power”.

Honestly, I was mostly annoyed by this is that not only was Ryan- consciously or no- even doing it, but he was doing it where the men were just being whiny and had no real argument. They gloated at Cordelia and tried to provoke her by dangling Michael as “The One (TM) who would overthrow the Witches’ power over them” in front of her to try to get her angry. They act like her refusing to put him through the Seven Wonders is proof that she’s scared of being overthrown. Because cowards act like that. And that when she uses Misty and Queenie as examples of how she isn’t all powerful like they believe and to give examples of how dangerous the world of magic is and how just recklessly going forward can land them in trouble, they just scoff like she’s not really worthy of being the All Powerful and can you believe this chick? She walks around like she owns the place but she can’t even save one of her own kind from being perpetually held in Limbo for eternity with possibly thousands of other souls being held captive and suffering unimaginable things. Some Supreme. She can’t possibly think that’s a good reason to not do the test of the Seven Wonders.

Just- it’s really bad. It’s not a good way to even make this lazy writing a passable attempt. Cordelia telling them about how she tried to save Queenie once she found out she was dead in order- this is what I interpreted from that sequence- to help her pass on or come back to life was a great way to show her character. She’s empathetic, she’s protective, she actually cares about the people she’s supposed to be the authority over. And her regret over not being able to save Queenie hurts because she was supposed to watch over her and be able to protect her from something like that, but she couldn’t. And she is heartbroken because people she loves and cares about are casualties of a dangerous world and she’s helpless to stop those casualties. And when she refuses to let Michael do the Seven Wonders, it’s because she doesn’t want an innocent party that is being put on a pedestal to get killed. She fucking says that she doesn’t want to risk him dying and the fuckwads act like that’s a pathetic excuse!!!!! That was so infuriating for me because it was treated like Cordelia was being unreasonable by the characters and Ryan. I mean, in Coven the Seven Wonders was constantly hammered in as dangerous at every level, and as the stakes are raised, the more it’s hammered in, and the more people get hurt. There are actual consequences, and Cordelia witnessed it from the beginning to the end. So she knows that there’s an 87% chance that Michael will die, and she doesn’t want someone else to die in the process that killed her friends. And she gets more and more angry about people talking over her and ignoring all of her very solid arguments against this until she has no choice other than to give into their provocations and get angry, having to firmly shutting it down and ending it before someone gets hurt and when she gets questioned again, she snaps one of the greatest lines in the season and the show: “BECAUSE I’M THE FUCKING SUPREME!” And the men just look at each other like, “I fucking knew this bitch was too scared of being usurped to agree to our very reasonable proposal to take a vulnerable youngster who’s only just started to control his powerful and unstable magic and force him to go through a dangerous test he has a high chance of dying from just to soothe our wounded egos that we’re grooming several impressionable young men to emulate, women are so unreasonable” and I wanted to punch everyone in the face. 

So the thing I mentioned waaaaay earlier in this super-long post: the way Ryan was doing this lessened Michael’s character was done really badly.  Here’s an idea on how to go through a less-sexist conflict between the two covens that actually makes him more powerful:

Michael is powerful- more powerful than they’ve seen. Cheyanne Yoda Jackson still gets to be suspicious, and they are inclined to agree. After some debate, everyone except Warlock Yoda agrees that it’s probably powerful, unstable magic that is being handled by a teen with anger issues and an obvious propensity for violence. They can teach him to handle the magic and maybe to control his emotions. Everything’s the same until they do their tests. It’s still after a month or two, but this time it’s after he’s had time to adjust and had some basic rudimentary training that everyone has when they first start. They explain that everyone is evaluated at the beginning to get a feel for their magic, and Michael already seems to have some control of his powers. Not much, but it’s impressive considering how insane they are. They start with the mirror. He does it, and they share shocked glances. That’s something that a lot of people have trouble with after years of training. So they hesitantly do the teleporting. Flawless passing, more shock. Then they ask him to waterbed snow, and they have their happy moment before they almost freeze to death. They see how freaked out Michael is and tell him that he has super strong magic and when you push yourself like he did, it’ll get a bit out of hand. Just be more careful and they’ll talk about where to put him then get back to him, okay? Then they talk about how freaky it is that he can do this with little training, Magic Yoda is suspicious, they shoot him down with a lot of irony because Antichrist. Then one of them suggests that maybe, just maybe, they might be seeing a Male Supreme. Use the phrase, “Male Supreme”. It’s less stupid and worrying. There’s banter about how there hasn’t been a male version, it’s only been a woman, you know how many powerful Warlocks have died trying to do the Seven Wonders, he can barely control snow, you think he can come back from the dead? But then they agree and call the Council.

Most of the Warlocks’ bitterness towards the Witches stems from two places: 1) Fiona was a bitch and took her Supreme status to exert absolute control of the Council and 2) Cordelia just announced the existence of Mutants Witches and Warlocks without consulting the Council, a decision that they feel should have been unanimous. So there’s some banter about the Seven Wonders and Michael and she doesn’t want to hurt him because of how many powerful Witches and Warlocks have died and he sounds like he’s emotionally and magically unstable and he most likely will die. It also makes more sense for them to be snarky at her because of the above two reasons, and they can invoke Fiona’s name which will make those of us who are familiar with Coven squeal at the mention of Fiona and remember that yeah, that sounds in character, as well as having Cordelia react to the implication that she’s being the same sort of Supreme her mother was. Like, that has waaaaayyyyy less sexism and provides a great conflict between the two schools. It also has a less cliche Chosen One story arc shoved into Michael’s already-established “I’m the Antichrist” story arc and still shows just how powerful and scary he is.

Again, that’s my idea on how it could’ve been better. I just hate that the potential badassery of rivals schools was ignored to have Ryan Murphy pretend to be revolutionary and critical and thinking outside of the box when he’s really condoning a dangerous and sexist narrative that puts characters that are both potentially awesome and badass and established to be awesome and badass into weak storylines that destroy a lot of great character arcs and characteristics of everyone.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[what-even-is-thiss]

ADHD Sides

Most of the ADHD headcanons have been of Patton which is nice, but imagine an alternate universe where we’re considering all of them. Okay? Okay.

Patton

Hyperactive-impulsive type

He doesn’t actually have that many problems with attention, he’s just hyperactive and impulsive as heck

Feels a lot. Feels many things. Sometimes it’s hard for him to even understand how much he’s feeling.

Likely to bounce on the balls of his feet and grip his hands tight and curl his lips in and make noise to regulate the flow of energy

Is the type to just kind of accept the consequences of his impulsive decisions.

Well I wanted to touch the pretty hot wax and I did and now my finger hurts. Oh well, I know first aid.

Well I wanted Thomas to eat an entire pie and he did and now our stomach hurts really bad. Ah well. It tasted good.

Stutters when he’s excited

Gets super passionate about things he likes and can’t figure out how to properly express it.

Constantly moving, swaying even when he’s standing properly.

Roman

Combined type

Has approximately 1,245.7 unfinished projects.

Sometimes when you’re talking to him he’ll be writing in a book or humming to himself or practicing sword moves and you’ll think he’s not paying attention but then later will be able to recite word for word what you said.

Will change the subject at random times because he can’t hold in what he has to talk about and he’s been thinking about it forever. (Actually about 30 seconds but who can tell the difference)

Has 10,000 things he’s thinking about at any given time. It’s fine. Everything’s fine. Hey, Thomas wants a talking owl so bad okay?

Fidgets and stims in subtle ways like how he moves his fingers or rubs his toes against the inside of his shoes or something. It’s been drilled into his head he should be proper so he fidgets in really subtle ways.

If he was unimpeded he would be jumping and flapping his arms all over the place. The closest we saw of him losing control would’ve been the I’m in a Disney show video.

First impulse: Attack! Oops I just almost took Morality’s entire face off.

Brain works at the speed of light, making connections others might take hours to see. Helps with creative projects.

If he’s not interested he just can’t pay attention. Would rather fight something or take a nap.

If it’s not interesting or leading to what he wants then literally what is the point of doing it he doesn’t understand

Hyper focuses when he’s cleaning because he’s kind of a neat freak. If you bother him when he’s cleaning his nails prepare to be decapitated because he’s completely absorbed in what he’s doing.

Same if he’s acting or giving a speech. Interrupting him while he’s doing this is basically suicide.

Will never stay still for more than ten minutes. He needs to be doing something. Watching tv. Cleaning. Working on a project. Coming up with a joke. Something. Anything. Needs to do something.

Logan

Innatentive type, but pretty mild

Gets hyperfixated on things. Mystery novels, astronomy, big words, chemistry. Lowkey constantly thinking about it 24/7.

Either feels everything at once or nothing at all. Hours or days of almost no emotion and being unimpressed and then a few seconds of really intense emotion.

He’s usually pretty surprised by his own outbursts but sometimes he catches them. Even so, it’s pretty obvious when he’s trying to repress them.

Certain subjects are really touchy and can set him off in a second. Sometimes they don’t make any sense, even to him. Like when someone insults his nonexistent mother.

Sometimes he’ll see something like a ball or eraser flying at his head and think “I should move out of the way now.” but he doesn’t and gets hit with it.

Sometimes does the thing where he’s concentrating so hard on one thing that he forgets to breathe for a few seconds.

Doesn’t or can’t always think about the emotional consequences of what he’s saying until after he says it. He has social skills, sometimes they just take a break for a few seconds.

“Obvious” things can fly over his head. A lot. He’s not mad when they’re pointed out to him usually though. He’s used to it by now.

Clicks pens and taps on things to no end. Probably has a fidget toy he can subtly play with in his pocket. Shakes his leg when at desks.

Sometimes when he’s thinking really hard about a problem he’ll stand or sit completely still for hours on end and it can look a little disturbing.

Sometimes it’s the complete opposite. When you hear constant footsteps coming from Logic’s room you know he’s thinking a lot and really fast.

Often thinks by talking. It’s common for the others to hear him talking to himself. It’s just how he processes information. Also why he talks so much and exposition dumps during debates.

Will work on something for hours and then suddenly come out of it and be like “Wait a moment. Did I forget to eat again?” And then realizes he’s really thirsty and hasn’t gone to the restroom all day.

Virgil

Inattentive type

Can’t sit in one position. Will sit on the arm of the couch, upside down on the couch with his feet on the wall, on the floor, hunched over, sitting up straight, lying down, and cross-legged all in the space of twenty minutes.

If he can’t keep changing positions he can’t think, and if he can’t think he becomes more anxious, and that is never good.

Multitasking addiction. Will watch tv, scroll through Tumblr, tidy his area, and make a list all at the same time while quietly planning what he wants for dinner in his head.

Like Logic, his emotions are often all or nothing. Just not quite as extreme in how fast this changes. (he doesn’t really have outbursts and his periods of feeling too much last a bit longer so it’s a bit easier to not show them)

Sometimes this leads to him not caring about the full consequences of what he says and sometimes caring too much about what he says. Switching between villain ‘do whatever it takes to get this done damn the emotional consequences’ mindset and self-conscious ‘oh dear god I destroy everything I touch’ mindset.

Often this switch happens subtly in the space of a few seconds, like in the originality video.

He has better impulse control then Patton or Creativity but it still can be a problem sometimes. Catch him drinking an entire pot of coffee at four in the afternoon and then crashing for twelve hours because he forgot that caffeine makes him tired.

Tends to focus on information he thinks helps him. Finds information that contradicts his point of view to be boring or frustrating. See: My Negative Thinking.

Will fidget by biting his fingers or nails when he’s scared or concentrating. He’s trying to stop biting his fingers and skin to fidget but sometimes he realizes he’s doing it without thinking.

Has mastered the art of carrying on a conversation while only knowing half the information.

Can hyperfocus on problems or distressing things and doesn’t find it fun but is so absorbed in it that he can’t stop.

Hyperfixations can include things like conspiracy theories, aesthetic related emo/goth stuff, and whatever problems he thinks the rest of the mind is creating.

Breaking routine is frustrating. If it’s broken he gets mad and might forget to do simple things like shower or eat.

[inhumansforever]

Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur #29 Review

spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers

The ‘Fantastic Three’ story-arc comes to a very surprising conclusion in this latest installment of the adventures of the world’s smart best girl; from the creative team of Brendan Montclare, Natacha Bustos and Tamra Bonvillain.  Quick recap and review following the jump.

I had no idea this issue was coming out this week and, caught off guard, I’m going to have to offer up a briefer than average review due to time constraints (Thursdays are extra busy for me).  So apologies for the brevity and lack of depth in the analysis.  

Anywho, the vindictive Super Skrull has come to earth and stolen the raw materials needed to create an ultra-charged particle accelerator... one powerful enough to rip apart dark matter and open a doorway to an anti-universe.  Within this anti universe is the being known as The Omnipotis, a creature of absolute destruction who has the ability (and intention) to destroy not only the earth but the entirety of the universe.  Not good.  

Teaming up with The Thing and The Human Torch, Moon Girl has tried to stop The Super Skrull but the trio proved no match for him.   Together, Lunealla, Ben and Johnny are quite formidable yet they are missing a key ingredient… they are lacking a key variable needed to truly prevail.  

Lunella has thought long and hard on who it is that they need to recruit to their team in order to get the equation just right.

In the meantime, The Fantastic Three have been temporarily sidetracked taking on the ghoulish threat known as the Cellar Dweller, a villain who can manifest childhood fears into monstrous beasts.  Moon Girl, the Torch and The Thing are able to chase off this foe and save Lunella’s friends, Zoe and Eduardo, but it’s a victory that is short lived… they still have the threat of the Omnipotis to contend with.  

Beckoning The Silver Surfer, Lunella catches a ride to go speak with Galactus who has come to the East Side merely to bear witness to the end of the universe.  Galactus has chosen not to act.  It is not his place to stand in the way of the natural order of things.  If he and the whole universe is to end then that is how it is meant to be and he will not try to intercede.   Lunella calls his bluff.  She claims that Galactus has chosen not to intercede merely because he is likely not strong enough to rebuff the Omnipotis.  Yet there should be no shame in going down fighting.      Lunella has a plan, she just needs Galactus and the Surfer to buy her a bit of time and hold off the Omnipotis for as long as they can.  Galaxies seems unmoved, but it turns out that Lunella’s words have resonated with him.  

The Omnipotis has finally arrived.  It manifests as a giant woman with an outfit not terribly dissimilar to that of Galactus.  The two astral being trade words and Omnipotis mocks Galactus that the power he has endowed tot he Silver Surfer has diminished him.  Galaxies has traded a portion of his power cosmic to create The Silver Surfer and by doing so rendered himself weaker.  Galaxies disagrees.  It is true that he has siphoned off a portion of his power to grant the Surfer his abilities, yet the two help one another, they are colleagues, friends and hence have become something larger than merely the sum of their parts.  It’s a theme that is central to this arc as a whole.  

The time to talk is over, Galactus, The Surfer and Omnipotis get to fighting and it’ll only be a matter of time before all of reality is destroyed.  

Back on her rooftop of her family’s brownstone, Lunella is working desperately on a special device that utilizes the inter-dimensional search engine that comprises HERBIE the robot’s central processor.  For all her intellect, Lunella has never been good at explaining herself and she is basically forced to yell at Ben and Johnny to relax and let her work.  She has a plan, she knows what the team needs in order to succeed, the others just need to trust her and let her continue on with her work.  

The portal that The Super Skrull has opened to enable entrance of Omnipotis has also opened access to the omniwave matrix, gateway to all the possible alternate realities of the known universe.  With HERBIE’s aide, Lunella has sought out the one alternate dimension where this missing variable can be found.   She’s found it and quickly tosses Ben and Johnny a pair of new uniforms to put on.  They do as they’re asked, yet continue to be mystified as to what Lunella is up to.  At first, Ben imagines this new uniform might be some sort of anti-super-skrull armor, but both are just their old uniforms with the number four symbol in place of a number three.  

Moon Girl emerges from the Omniwave portal herself and she too is wearing a Fantastic Four uniform; and she’s not alone.  Devil Dinosaur accompanies her and he too has his own dinosaur-snapped Fantastic Four togs.   Yes, Devil Dinosaur is the missing ingredient; he is the key addition to the team needed for our heroes to prevail.  And it sure is good to see him back.  

Here the issue ends and that is what makes the conclusion so surprising.  The story hasn’t concluded; it’s just not the Fantastic Three anymore, it’s The Fantastic Four!  And we’ll have to wait until the next installment to see how the team of Moon Girl, The Human Torch, The Thing and Devil Dinosaur end up saving the day.  

At first blush, Devil Dinosaur may seem an odd choice to round out this new iteration of the Fantastic Four.  Sure he’s a big lumbering tyrannosaurus, but that kind of all he is and The Thing has already got the brute force thing covered.  Yet that is beside the point.  It’s about synergy… about a unit being greater than the sum of its parts.  The original Fantastic Four was never the most powerful team in the Marvel Universe… they weren’t as mighty as the Avengers or as strong as The X-Men.  And yet, when the real earth-ending threats came about, it was always the FF that stepped up to save everything.  There was something about them that made them unstoppable… it wasn’t their individual powers, but rather the unseen ‘fifth force’ that was derived by way of their cohesion as a group and family.  

Recreating this ‘fifth force’ is what Lunella has been so intent on reestablishing.  She was solving an equation for a higher order kind of mathematics… one that defies my capacity to explain it.  The x-factor Lunella discovered she needed was Devil Dinosaur.  He fulfills that central role that will enable this new version of the Fantastic Four to be like the original and achieve a power greater then the sum of it’s parts.  

Whether or not Lunella’s math is right, if this new Fantastic Four can succeed, remains too be seen… and we’ll have to wait until issue #30 to find out!

Lots of fun, with excellent art (as always) by Bustos and Bonvillain.  Recommended, three and a half out of five Lockjaws!

[th3magicstore]

Top 10 Multiplayer iOS & Android Games In 2020

Mobile gaming has been steadily getting better before we had simple puzzle games and we could invite our Facebook contacts to be our friends and games and multiplayer games used to mean just leaderboards, there are now a ton of games that support actual live multiplayer play including real-time co-op or PvP hey everybody on Android tools we're gonna be counting down our picks for the top 10 best multiplayer Android and iOS games to play in 2020.

10) Horror show

This is a multiplayer action with a view from above which will plunge the player into the confrontation of a group of survivors with a ruthless maniac the user will be able to be on the side of ordinary adventures caught at the wrong time and in the wrong place or at the place of a bloodthirsty killer, each party will carry out its tasks the killer must eliminate all members of the order and the second is necessary to neutralize a psychopath relying on mutual assistance and cooperation, in this case, all involved have to solve logical tasks that will lead to victory over the opponent it's possible to play with friends and the gameplay is just amazing.

9) Bullet Echo

this is a stunning shooter with a top view that will delight you with dynamic and spectacular battles where the last survivor will win to start to select your favorite character, and each character will have special skills unique characteristics, as well as an interesting appearance, select a character to match itself reveal its characteristics in the course of the battle get unique equipment and go for the win on the little locations you have to highlight the area with torches and the shortest possible time to find enemies hide behind various objects hide from return fire track down the enemy sneak up from behind and do whatever you want to win.

8) Diesel Soldiers

diesel soldiers is a team online shooter five-on-five which takes place and an alternate universe during the Second World War here military operations didn't stop in 1945 but this situation became even worse and a long time the USSR Germany and the United States-Japan and other countries involved in the conflict were mired in bloody battles and the desire to win the arms race began so exosuits with powerful armored energy weapons various modifications of military equipment and more were created join now the battles where you'll participate in the battles controlling a squad of soldiers.

7) Zooba

Zuba is an action-packed game that turns you into a zoo animal trying to survive that habitat you get to experience the ruling battles that are chock-full of enemies trying to slow down your progression at all costs defending yourself and Zuba means attacking and using weapons in each setting you can choose one of the animals available when you start playing and the animal you choose possess special features that allow you to beat the other animals or zoo guards there are a bunch of weapons and supplies available in each battle to collect each element just stand on it until the circle turns green.

6) Frag Pro Shooter

this is a hero shooter in the overwatch or paladins series genre in which you can participate in spectacular 1v1 online jewels against other players around the world, each player can control any of their heroes at any time each of the heroes of the game has its own weapon and special abilities, some heroes will use pistols move quickly and have the ability to fly for a few seconds whereas other heroes will move slowly and fire rockets you'll also come across heroes with long-range crossbows shields regeneration abilities and much more overall this is a spectacular online FPS that offers an original and fast-paced gaming experience untouched devices.

5) Bullet League

bullet League is a 2d battle royale that challenges up to 30 players to face each other and click five-minute rounds only one of you is the left standing as per usual in this genre, there's a huge array of weapons shotguns Piper rifles machine guns and more at your disposal one of the main differences between bullet league and other bow rolls like fortnight and pubg is that the settings are much more vertical since they're 2d in other words you can jump and climb using different platforms in order to stand a higher than your rivals plus you can build blocks using your hammer and use them as shelter a platform or to try to slow other players down.

4) ACE Force

ace Force is an overwatch style FPS where you compete in several different game modes, each character has different skills and spectacular graphics the anime look an ace Force makes this game perfect for lovers of this Japanese anime aesthetic, unlike other clones of overwatch each character is well-differentiated from the rest and their abilities aren't excessively similar to what you might find in the hit from Blizzard or even paladin's but one of the strengths of ACE Force is the variety of game modes in addition to the standard team-based face-off where you've got to fulfill a set of objectives you'll also find a battle royale mode where only one team can survive the match.

3) GRID Autosport MP

grid Autosport is a racing game that offers you a plethora of racing modes and recently announced a multiplayer mode of their popular grid Autosport, that appears to be creeping ever closer as another dusting cross-play with android devices in open beta now the game makes it suitable for just about any kind of racing fan whether you prefer racing on dirt or city streets grid Autosport has you covered and I'd also like to mention that there are many different difficulty options to offer so no matter what your skill level is you can adjust a difficulty so that you can enjoy all of your races.

2) World War Heroes

this is a free-to-play mobile game that sends you back to world war ii now this is a game designed to recreate world war 2 and it uses seven real-life battles as backdrops the game includes various pistols assault rifles machine guns and other periodic historic accurate weapons along with the vehicles which are drawn from USA Russia Japan and Germany all of which can be used by the player and their fight to the finish giving out the whole scenario of world war 2 you can choose from a range of weapons and vehicles to complete your missions it includes a range of different modes so that players can get the most out of the game.

1) Marvel Super War

This is a multiplayer action game that challenges you to participate in 5v5 battles with characters from the Marvel Universe a super fun MOBA that's similar to the arena of Valor or mobile legends both that.i voice acting except that this time you get to control the Hulk thunder Thor Black Widow and other comic characters that I don't voice act enjoying Marvel super war is easy if you're already familiar with the genre since this is a MOBA and every sense of the word your objective here is to destroy the enemies base and to do so you'll have to destroy a few towers that are there to protect it as you can already imagine you'll also have to make sure that your enemy doesn't destroy your base either. Read the full article

[bluekitsune]

Late NDRV3 Chapter 4 impressions

Right off the bat, Amami ought to be talking to either the Mastermind, the traitor, or even maybe Ouma or Saihara? It’s hard to say. But now Saihara’s passing thought about Noah’s arc solidifies even more with Amami pointing toward the 2 people remaining Rule. 

If this is the cliche “lets repopulate the world”, but with the two Killing game survivors, I’m gonna rip my eyeballs off

Also what’s up with the background? Is something on fire?

I guess Iruma is fishy to me because of what she mentioned about her talent and bcuz of her remote ressemblance with Junko :I I just can’t get over it (blonde girl with long hair? Probably some sort of Junko LMAO)

Man I can’t wait to see who is the Spoiler-san of this game

SHSL Detective   > Sees a Card Key

>Cant make connection with the Door in the Library why are u kids dumb

Ok so now we have Armaggedon happening, lunatics preaching humanity should give up and that plan, whatever it is. Did the people start chasing talented students before or after this mess? If Saihara mentioned the increase of crimes, maybe it was before he got branded as SHSL Detective

Ouma has got to know shit man. He’s talking about Substance that can bend time and matter? He KNOWS shit. Is that substance + the computer whatever is reviving the students? Did they decide to “die with everyone” because the world was so doomed?

I’m still holding my breath for a more direct connection with the other DRs. If the kids knew about the Monokumas while they were in hiding as normal people, it’s possible there was a second wave of Despair, and this is just really far into the future. IDK I’m just really late with all my conjecture.

Gonta developing this complex of being useful is not gonna turn well :C

Momota ur just gonna keep hiding your space Aids until you vomit blood in front of everyone? That’s fucking stupid

What if Ouma is the boss of the crazy Cult HUehheh That sprite really does look like the Babadook. Having some real Komaeda flashbacks here damn. Is he talking about Iruma intending to use the Super Computer (or something?) Is the computer the Steins.Gate in DR?? Oh god

Gonta must be so lost with all this Sci-Fi talk; lordy these kids are dummies. Everyone’s like We gotta go we gotta go, but no one talked about how they get out. Also, Neo World Program flags all over again. Just because Iruma baby proofed the place doesn’t mean Monokuma can’t slither dangerous stuff back in there. 

So I’m thinking. Is the Meteor thing a separate world as well? Maybe by creating separate worlds, the Mastermind used that to implant memories from other fake/alternate/fabricated realities. As of now, there’s no way of saying for certain the things they recalled with the remembering light is really from their world. I think they probably are, either that, or the world where the killing game is happening is ALSo a separate reality inside the Xbox computer Steins;Gate thing. This is gonna get really confusing and I’m no good keeping track of all this Inception shit

OMG The program is like a fucking cross of Miitomo (??), DS games and RPG Maker games. They’re all so grossly adorable wtf

I was holding my breath the entire time and honestly I was just so relieved it wasn’t Gonta who died =___= I want at least one of my faves to live as much as possible. He’s got some major death flags with all this self blame thing going on. Iruma had it coming. 

I’m gonna bet my ass she was trying to kill someone. She dumped around a bunch of cliches, separating things with a river, making it seem like everyone is divided and hiding crucial things from the others, isolating Momota on the roof? Come on. Now the major point is gonna be was she killed within the program or was she killed with poison?

the obvious Red Herring bottle? couldn’t she even pick something that made sense with the label come on 

Doesn’t look like this Computer is gonna be the time travel or whatever bullshit they’re gonna pull out of their ass for a plot twist yet. 

Oh man it’s gonna be tough taking this trial seriously when Gonta makes bug puns and toilet paper is the murder weapon

And then they waste a fuckload of time to figure out it’s a goddamn loop, I just wanted to rip my face off at this point

NOOO..... This is gonna destroy me. I just really wanted Gonta to live longer

Why did these dumbfucks let him tag along with Ouma????? Don’t they know he’s the gullible master? Why didn’t nobody dumb down the Game and explain it until he got it???? FUCKING Stupid kids And GOD DAMN Yumeno you were sitting right beside him, why didn’t you just check if he did it correctly?? UGH

Fucking bullshit

And this Gonta abuse is out of control holy shit Let the bara talk at least

I should’ve known. Also I don’t buy Ouma acting like he’s so self-sacrificing. Him saying that them all dying would “save” them just makes my idea stronger

Bullshit

This is a combo of Komaeda trying to off everyone but with a Martyr twist. Imagine Gonta alone in a desolated world? That would be just so heartbreaking

Alter Ego again.... Neo World program again. This better be the same universe in a far future bros. If after all the past flags it’s unrelated to before I’m gonna be pissed

My favorites are down to Shirogane and Kibo and I’m gonna scream if they keep dying after this chapter smh

(i had to go take a walk before watching the rest of the chapter)

CALLED it, Ouma is totally the boss of that group. Also

Momota....... “ts just a bit of a cold” LMAO RIGHT. That fucking space aids is kicking your damn ass to the moon and not in the good way

SNAP Saihara got de-friendzoned. Cruel.

Is Harumaki falling for Momota? Hmmm

WELP Was Ouma the one putting on the letters? That’s stupid. He’s slowly crawling up on the nightmare fuel grade. 

I think they learned a lot from Komaeda being the unpredictable element in SDR2. Now we have this unhinged hellspawn, who’s probably the one Amami was telling to win the game no matter what;

What did Monokuma say in the beginning? The one who has the most fun wins; What has Ouma been doing? Taking that nearly to a T

[jillmckenzie1]

Colorado Poet Series: Interview with Alyse Knorr

The local literary scene is, one must remember, a community.  (One you can be a part of, by the way, whether you’re a writer or reader!) In fact, after I interviewed the poet Elizabeth Robinson who connected me with fiction writer David Hicks, and it was David Hicks who recommended that I reach out to poet Alyse Knorr.

It was my pleasure to read two of Alyse Knorr’s poetry collections, Copper Mother and Mega-City Redux for the purpose of this interview. These collections of poetry and prose respectively are both delightfully dense and unusual explorations which perpetuate insightful cultural commentary within each of their respective narratives.

First, a little bit about Alyse:

Alyse Knorr is an assistant professor of English at Regis University and editor of Switchback Books. She is the author of the poetry collections Mega-City Redux (Green Mountains Review 2017), Copper Mother (Switchback Books 2016), and Annotated Glass (Furniture Press Books 2013), as well as the non-fiction book Super Mario Bros. 3 (Boss Fight Books 2016) and the poetry chapbooks Epithalamia (Horse Less Press 2015) and Alternates (dancing girl press 2014). Her work has appeared in Alaska Quarterly Review, Denver Quarterly, Columbia Poetry Review, The Greensboro Review, and ZYZZYVA, among others. She received her MFA from George Mason University, where she co-founded Gazing Grain Press.

Now, about Copper Mother (Switchback Books 2016):

“Through a startling mixture of forms and language, Copper Mother generates an unusual love story—of loving one’s world so tremendously that that world must be shared, at enormous risk and with unprecedented ingenuity and effort. The ‘Friends’ of Knorr’s universe bring their gentle curiosity to human heroics and frailties, and the humans—we humans—are redeemed by our eagerness to share our naked selves and by Jane, who bravely matches the terrors of mortality with a selfless faith in our capacity to love. Sincere even in its playful and fantastic moments, Knorr’s poetics emerges from a deep groove of mourning all that we have to lose and will certainly lose, every day and on the last day, perhaps most of all ‘our mothers, tired/and lovely and floral and gone.’ In that mourning, though, runs an illimitable current of open-hearted reverence that is the best of humanity and beyond its possession—that craving for contact ‘[t]his world wishes across/space’ to whomever might accept our greeting and the belief that we are already together with loved ones, those we’ve lost and those we haven’t yet met, in the slippery fullness of time.” – Elizabeth Savage, author of Idylliad

And finally, about Mega-City Redux (Green Mountains Review 2017):

In 1405, Christine de Pizan, the world’s first professional writer, published an allegorical work called The Book of the City of Ladies, in which she imagined constructing (with the help of her fairy godmothers Reason, Rectitude, and Justice) a walled city where women could live safe from sexism, misogyny, and gendered violence. Six hundred years later, we still need such a city. Mega-City Redux charts a road-trip search for this mythical city today, with the help of 21st-century feminist heroes Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Xena Warrior Princess, and Dana Scully from The X-Files. Mega-City Redux is essential architecture built from ‘sword, suit, stake, and pen’ – feminine, marvelous, and mega-tough.”

– Mel Nichols, author of Catalytic Exteriorization Phenomenon

  From here, we dialogue:

1. Your most recent projects, Mega-City Redux and Copper Mother inhabit unique worlds while following somewhat strange, utterly unpredictable narratives.  How did the seedling ideas for these works germinate into their final works? Can you describe the creative decision-making process which led to their unique content and form?

The idea for Copper Mother came from a Radiolab interview with Ann Druyan in which Ann describes creating the Voyager Golden Record with her late husband, Carl Sagan, in 1977. NASA sent the Record into deep space with the hopes that an extraterrestrial civilization might find it, and it contains images, sounds, and languages from Earth meant to introduce our species to aliens. I started reading more and more about the Record, and started wondering what might happen if aliens did find the Record and come to Earth to talk to us about it. Ann ended up a character in the book as “Jane,” and I imagined that the aliens might have a technology that would allow present-day Jane to converse with her 1977 past-self. I’ve always been a big fan of science fiction, so I had a blast getting to play with some classic sci-fi tropes (like time travel and a moment of “first contact”) in the book.

I wrote Mega-City Redux after reading Christine de Pizan’sThe Book of the City of Ladies, a 1405 allegory in which Christine imagines building a walled city—with the help of her three fairy godmothers Reason, Rectitude, and Justice—where women can live safe from sexism and misogyny. I also wrote the book in the wake of the 2014 Isla Vista shootings, when a man shot and killed several women out of purely misogynistic hate. This violent tragedy made abundantly clear to me that we still need Christine’s City of Ladies today just as much as we did 600 years ago, so I imagined going on a road trip to find the City with my three personal fairy godmothers—Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Xena Warrior Princess, and Dana Scully.

With both of these projects, once I had the premise and the characters in mind, I just wrote as many poems as I could to try and see what would happen. I love to work in the novel-in-verse form because I get to build a world and create characters and then put them into interesting situations just to see what they’ll do. I love when my characters surprise me and when the plot takes a turn I didn’t see coming!

2. How did you arrive at the decision to source the unnamed female narrator’s fearless female companions Dana Scully, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Xena Warrior Princess, as companions? How are their popular personas purposed in your work, and what effect does their pre-established backstories have on your work? Why did you choose these characters specifically?

I’m a big TV buff, and TV has always been my outlet for self-exploration and my pathway to self-understanding. When I was a young girl, I couldn’t picture myself as the damsel in distress or the love interest in the media I consumed, but I could imagine myself into the role of hero in the form of a Ninja Turtle or Batman. I only felt ready to come out as a lesbian in graduate school after watching all six seasons of The L Word. And so, I really do consider Buffy, Xena, and Dana to be my feminist heroes or role models—they made a big impact on me when I first watched their shows, and they continue to mean a lot to me today.

At the time I wrote Mega-City Redux, I had also recently read Susan Douglas’s book Enlightened Sexism, which is all about the pop culture feminist TV renaissance of the 1990s-2000s, when shows like Buffy and Xena debuted with their fiercely feminist and also really campy and fun content. Even though Mega-City Redux is about very serious social issues, I wanted to have fun with it, and I loved the idea of spending time on a road trip with these three extremely different women. I loved thinking about how they might interact—how they might annoy each other in the car and how they might care for the other. I really appreciate that they’re all such different types of heroes, which I think is important for feminist dialogue. Dana is my Reason figure—logical and intellectual. Buffy is my Rectitude figure—she tries to set things right, which is an inherently vulnerable act to take. Xena is my Justice figure—she wrestles with the thin line between justice and revenge.

What’s great about these three characters is that they’re already so complex and have so much backstory—Dana Scully is the voice of reason to her partner Fox Mulder, and she’s a very logical, left-brained doctor—but she’s also a person of firm religious faith. This kind of complexity made it easy to work with my characters’ backstories and stay true to them without caricaturing them. But my main goal wasn’t to write about the shows or the characters but rather to take them and plop them into my narrative and go on this quest with them.

3. Mega-City Redux cleverly, humorously combines feminist content with pop culture imparting an accessible, modernized spin. What reader responses have surprised or impressed you?  What role do feminist works such as your own play in the current political climate?

I’m always surprised to see just how much these pop culture figures mean to folks. I’ve had readers talk to me about how they first realized they were gay because of Dana or Xena, and I had a reader recently show me a photo of she and her wife dressed up as Xena and Gabrielle (Xena’s beloved) for Halloween. I teach a class on superheroes at Regis, and I love talking with my students about why pop culture matters. TV is often lightyears ahead of the mainstream public discourse, so it can advance social justice movements in powerful ways—shows like Glee and Grey’s Anatomy won a lot of hearts and minds over to the cause of LGBTQIA rights. But TV also acts—just like the Golden Record—as a kind of time capsule snapshot of our world and our culture at this specific moment in time. I love this inherent tension, and I love the space that pop culture creates for “serious play.”

When I read works like Frank O’Hara’s poem “Lana Turner Has Collapsed” or Gary Coleman’s book of superhero poems Missing You, Metropolis, I’m always reminded of the power of writing about our celebrity or our fictional pop culture heroes. These are our modern-day “saints” and icons—our role models and outlets and thought experiments. They can act as a kind of common language through which to discuss the issues of our time, and because they exist in another, imaginative realm, they’re also inherently full of possibility and potential. These, to me, are the ingredients of powerful dialogue.

4. While the majority of science fiction works treat alien arrival as synonymous with the apocalypse, Copper Mother approaches alien arrival with a tone of friendly, casual curiosity. What reason lies behind this significant, divergent decision?

I wrote Copper Mother while I was living in Alaska, and while we were there, my wife and I received many visitors—family and friends who had always wanted to go to Alaska and finally bought their plane tickets after we moved there. So we spent a lot of our time being tour guides—showing our visitors things and places that felt totally ordinary to us but that totally blew their minds (glaciers! moose! bald eagles!). I think for this reason, I imagined a real tenderness between the humans and Our Friends. They often have awkward but always well-meaning, sweet exchanges. The humans sincerely want to be good hosts and Our Friends genuinely want to be polite visitors. I’ve always been interested in what happens when two very different cultures or groups meet and interact, and on what gets included or neglected from the tour or the introductory conversations.

I’m also very invested in the sincerity of the Golden Record project itself—it’s our only truly “species-wide” project—the only artifact we have that attempts to represent us as a unified planet rather than a fractioned collection of different groups. There’s an inherent optimism in the idea of the Record itself—a beautiful hopefulness that I wanted to capture in my book. To launch the Record into space is to believe that someone will find it who wishes us well and wants to connect with us—and that’s the possibility I wanted to envision in my book, not the terrifying (and cliche!) apocalyptic one. I’m a pretty uncynical person by nature, so this was easy for me to imagine.

5. Throughout the work, the aliens, later joined by Then-Jane, communicate through sound effects. How did you go about developing these dialogues?

The Golden Record includes a tremendous amount of sound, including an address by Jimmy Carter, spoken greetings in 55 different languages, a wealth of music (including Beethoven, Chuck Berry, Navajo night chants, and mariachi), and a series of “sounds from Earth” (wind, rain, crickets, wolves howling, cars).

During my research, I learned that many astrobiologists believe that if extraterrestrials ever actually hear the Record, they probably won’t be able to distinguish between the different sounds included—their auditory organs and understanding of language may be so different from ours that they may not know the difference between the music, language, and natural sounds on the Record. For that reason, I wanted Our Friends (and Then-Jane, since she’s a product of the Record) to speak with a mixture of all the types of sounds included on the Record. All of the dialogue they speak comes from actual Record contents, whether it’s a thunderstorm or a hyena laughing or a trumpet wail. I like the way this allows me to play with the definition of “language”—which is something the Record does, too, by including whale song not in the natural sounds portion of the content, but in the languages section!

6. And finally, info on how to purchase both works!

The best way to purchase is to go out to my website, www.alyseknorr.com, and click the licks on the books to go to the publisher’s page.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/colorado-poet-series-interview-with-alyse-knorr/

[zipgrowth]

Should Gen-Ed Come Later? New Book Argues For Cheaper And Faster Alternatives to College

Debates about how to expand access to higher education often assume a one-size-fits-all model of what college should be. But new book due out this fall argues for the creation of colleges of many shapes and sizes, including a new set of low-cost options that are focused on helping students who just can’t afford a four-year campus experience get a first job.

The book is called “A New U: Faster + Cheaper Alternatives to College,” and it is written by a venture capitalist making bets on which alternatives he thinks have the most promise.

The author is Ryan Craig, co-founder and managing director of University Ventures, and in the book he acknowledges a key drawback to the vision he is outlining. Many of these new college alternatives will intentionally leave out general education and extracurriculars—or time for pranks with roommates. Craig stresses that such full-service colleges will continue to survive for those who can afford them, but that providing more career-focused options will be better for social mobility and meaningful access without high degrees of debt.

Is his definition of access the most practical way to achieve broader higher-education participation? Or is it giving up on a segment of students?

EdSurge sat down with Craig to talk about the new book, and why he thinks the debate about college access should put less emphasis on the bachelor’s degree. In the full podcast version, he also shares his philosophy of what he looks for when picking colleges to invest in.

Subscribe to the EdSurge On Air podcast on your favorite podcast app (like iTunes or Stitcher). Or read highlights from the conversation (which have been edited and condensed for clarity).

EdSurge: In your book, you talk about how higher education has a trust problem these days, and you argue that colleges have oversold the idea of the bachelor’s degree. What do you mean when you say we’ve developed a “cult of the bachelor’s degree?”

Craig: It’s important to recognize that the bachelor’s degree as a phenomenon is relatively recent in American history. Up until just after World War II, fewer than 5 percent of the working adult population had bachelor’s degrees. Today it’s north of 30 percent, and basically we have come to rely on the bachelor’s degree as the sole pathway to a successful career, and particularly one that doesn’t involve working with your hands and a blue-collar vocation or trade, which is what [most] parents want for their children.

We have developed this cult that you’re either going to go to college or if you don’t, maybe you’ll end up on Skid Row. I’m being a little facetious—but not that facetious. It literally has evolved to that point. A bachelor’s degree is the ticket to success and not having a bachelor’s degree is opposite.

It sounds like you feel that’s part of the narrative backdrop that makes it difficult for some alternatives to emerge.

Yeah, absolutely. Look, if it were easy, it would have happened already. But what the book talks about is these dual crises of affordability—which I think is well recognized—and employability—which is increasingly being recognized. These two crises are now acting on the sector and on the population to push the flowering of all of these alternatives to college.

People probably ask for your advice on whether they should actually consider these new options for their own children or nephews. When it gets that personal, what is your advice, and what do you recommend?

In the book I actually have a matrix where I say [the most important trait is selectivity]. It’s remarkable to most people that there are only 200 universities and colleges in the country that are selective, meaning [those]that admit fewer than 50 percent of applicants. Those selective schools, which frankly most of the listeners of this podcast will have attended, need to be treated differently because the reality is that the outcomes from those schools are much better than the outcomes we’re seeing from the other 3,800 schools. Some of that may be due to value added by the schools. Most of it, I believe, is due to the caliber of the inputs who were attracted to these schools.

By caliber, you mean the students were high-performing when they came in?

The students were high-performing and would have done well regardless.

In this matrix in the book I say, “Look, if you have an affordable package at a selective school, no one is going to cheer you on more than I will. Go do that. Take that.” Conversely, if it’s not a selective school, and it doesn’t pass that Lumina rule of 10 test, you should stay away from that like the plague. That’s a bad decision in almost every case for a young person or for an older adult who’s looking to upscale or retraining.

So you’re saying it’s not so much about the campus amenities or the quality of the teaching even, but it’s about the selectivity?

I think that’s the factor that leads to economic outcomes. Of course, what you study also matters a great deal. But at the outset certainly students are making the decision not about what they’re going to study as much, but more about where they’re going to go, or whether to go.

In the book we have a directory of 250 of these faster and cheaper alternatives that have emerged over the past few years. Again, they’re not preparing students for vocational trades or blue-collar jobs, but rather good jobs in IT and healthcare and so forth—growing sectors of the economy. But as the number of these programs goes from 250 to 2,500 to 25,000, and goes from tens of thousands of seats to hundreds of thousands of seats to millions of seats, that choice, that decision becomes a real one.

When Lumina came out with its rule of 10, which is the affordability criteria that I cite in the book, a few years ago, no one paid much attention. And no one paid much attention to it because when you only have one choice—which is go to college or end up on Skid Row—you’re going to go to the most affordable one you can. It doesn’t really matter whether the college or a college passes that test. As you have true alternatives emerging—faster and cheaper pathways to good first jobs emerging—you’ll have a real choice.

People have been talking about these emerging alternatives for a while, but so far they have been slow to catch on. Why has it been so slow, and why do you think now is different?

I don’t think it’s that slow. Coding boot camps have only been around for five or six years, so in the world of education, that’s super fast.

Sure, but the hype around MOOCs, or massive open online courses, said that people would start finding a cheap online replacement for college and that hasn’t happened.

You’ll note in the book I’m extremely skeptical about online [education]. I don’t think that online options are actually solving this problem.

These faster and cheaper programs tend to be immersive, work-like environments, that train both on the technical skills as well as the soft skills. These programs are producing what employers want, and they’re frankly producing what students want.

Young people understand that that old line by colleges that “We prepare you for your fifth job, not your first job,” is tired and discredited at this point. I wasn’t able to include in the book because it just came out, but the new research from Strada and Burning Glass about the persistence of underemployment showing that if you don’t get a good first job, you’re probably not going to get a good fifth job.

In fact, half of people who were under-employed in their first job are also under-employed 10 years later. Not surprisingly, careers and employment paths are path dependent, and getting that good first job in a growing sector of the economy is critical.

If you’re trying to solve for a good first job, you wouldn't build the system that we have now. And I recognize that to a lot of people in higher ed, that will sound heretical. But I also think that it’s important to recognize, and I cite a litany of statistics in the book, about how the millennial generation has just been slaughtered economically by this overwhelming focus on college and the degree as the sole pathway, and these crises of affordability and employability.

To use a medical analogy, we need to triage the situation, and the first thing we need to do is to stop the economic bleeding. And then once we’ve done that, we can then worry about the other important elements like citizenship and discovery and serendipity, and all of those things that makes college and universities great.

I can imagine the tweets coming in from some readers disagreeing with you here. Where does that work of training citizens get done? Aren’t those things pretty key?

Well, there’s no question. First of all in a faster and cheaper universe, you’re going to have to have career discovery at the secondary-school level. Which is to say that students are going to need to exit high school having a sense of which industry they might want to get a good first job in because the pathways are going to be very specific. You want to data analytics in healthcare? Here’s a six-month pathway, probably free to the student, employer paid, that has a guaranteed employment outcome where you know that you’ll come out making $45,000 to $50,000 a year doing a health business intelligence.

Throughout the book you share your own experiences as an undergraduate at Yale University, and your stories are not always about academics. In fact, a lot of them are pranks, goofing off with your roommates. I mean, it’s a lot of fun to read, but in this faster and cheaper alternative universe you lay out it doesn’t seem like there would be room for those antics at all.

Yeah, and I say that explicitly. Maybe it’s a eulogy to what we’re going to lose. Again, I want to be clear-eyed about this, that this is not a panacea. This is trying to improve economic outcomes for the Americans who are most at risk from the current system, who are not being well served by the current system. But I’m not claiming that it’s an adequate replacement for those who would have been successful in the current system.

I’m suggesting that we need more options, and I think that at least in Washington that it has bipartisan support—the notion that there really ought to be more options, more pathways to good jobs, and we’ll let students choose and evaluate the risk return.

I’m not arguing for a reduction in the aggregate or per-capita level of post-secondary education. That would be economic suicide in the global economy. What I am arguing for is the urgent need for a radical re-staging of how that post-secondary [education] is consumed. You’ll take a 3- to 6- to 9- to 12-month pathway to a good first job, preferably one where you don’t incur any debt, and you’ll go right into a good first job in a growing sector of the economy, making $40,000 to $50,000 a year.

You’ll work in that job for 2 to 3 years, you’ll really get a much better understanding of that industry, [and whether] it is really where you want to be. And you’ll look around and you’ll say, "Okay, what other skills do I need?" Then I think it’s going to be incumbent on the 4,000 higher-education institutions in this country to essentially offer a set of secondary and tertiary pathways that will address that population.

I can imagine it would feel like to some readers that you’re giving up on giving access to higher education.

I would be the last one to direct people away from college or university. I think that they will vote with their feet as these alternative pathways with guaranteed employment outcomes and no debt—or entirely free—become available.

What about the suggestions that community college should be free so students have a path from there to a four-year college?

I think that’s a fallacy. The notion that free community college is [ever] actually free is incorrect. Supporting yourself for two years, depending on where you live in America, is going to be somewhere between $15,000 to $30,000, and many of those students are taking on debt to support themselves through essentially two years of general education.

Another way to think about this is: let’s turn it upside down. The GenEd can come after. Let young people get their foot on the first rung of the career ladder, get some economic security with no debt, and then let’s worry about the general education that needs to happen. But that should not be the barrier or the gateway to getting a good first job and being a participant in the active economy—in the vibrant American economy.

Should Gen-Ed Come Later? New Book Argues For Cheaper And Faster Alternatives to College published first on https://medium.com/@GetNewDLBusiness