#but let me ask you why THATS what matters to you rather than. like. real peoples safety lmao?

[aroacedavestrider]

anyway i was gonna make a big long post about this but its 1:30am and im tired lmao. so has anyone noticed the insane similarities between all this anti-transmasc stuff and the entire aspec exclusionist movement or is that just me on my aroace trans dude shit

like. i dunno. the misconstruing of the concepts of transandromisia and aphobia in general being made out to “oppress other identities”, or just the downplaying / dismissal of our group-specific issues altogether, or insisting that these specific issues are just the results of some broader, equally shitty concept, or saying that we have “privilege” comparable to majority groups (cis men, straight people) despite being excluded / ridiculed / persecuted by those same groups, or the fact that when we talk about these issues were reduced to like “whiny little white teenage uwu tumblr blogger” instead of taken seriously, or that while real people in our communities are getting hurt or killed people are focusing on whether the terms we use are #unproblematic enough instead

idk is that just me? am i hallucinating or am i experiencing the 2018 exclusionist movement all over again except make it #trans

[cauqhtz]

Luffy & Zoro thoughts

so I saw a post about how if Luffy asked zoro to kill one of the straw hats Zoro would do it. (Oda confirmed)

The majority of the comments were all like oh yeah Zoro would, but he also knows Luffy would never ask him to do such a thing, at least without a good reason or if he wasn't in his right mind.

This was also my first thought as well, but then I thought about it more. I mean I really thought about it…and that's not even remotely true.

Now, I don't doubt Zoro killing one of the straw hats if Luffy told him to, but it's the "he knows Luffy would never ask him to" That's the part I dont agree with.

That's just not true at all, because Zoro is one of the few besides Robin that doesn't try to make sense of Luffy or how he thinks.

But let's say for the sake of this argument that. That is true and Zoro knows that Luffy would never ask him to do it...That doesn't negate the fact that Zoro would still kill a straw hat if Luffy said so. So I guess that part of situation really doesn't matter. Zoro will do what Luffy asks of him either way.

Why?

Because Luffy is not the type of person/captain to give DIRECT orders in the first place. Have you realized that?

I can count on one hand how many times Luffy has given a direct order in general, but we're going to focus on Zoro for right now.

Albasta. When Luffy told Zoro to save Smoker. "Zoro. Quick! You have to save Smokey!"

Ennies Lobby. When Luffy told Zoro to cut the sea train carts in half. "Okay, Zoro. Cut them."

In Alabasta when Luffy told Zoro to save Smoker. Zoro protested not understanding why Luffy would want to save the enemy. Not caring about the fact that Smoker was a devil fruit user and would've died without his help. He expressed how much he didn't want to do it, but he did it anyways.

Ignoring Sanji when he picked at him for saving Smoker, but when Smoker came to and questioned Zoro on why he saved his life?

Zoro's reasoning was. "I was just following my captain's orders. It was just another one of his crazy whims. Pay it no mind."

I think this was when Zoro really started to not question Luffy. Deciding it'd be a lot easier on every one if he just went with it rather than trying to make sense of his captain.

Not just that but Zoro is his own man. He doesnt follow Luffy blindly. It's just that the majority of the time. Luffy and Zoro are on the same wavelength mentally. They're cut from the same cloth. Though, Luffy is more of a wild card. He does what he wants, when he wants, wherever the hell he wants to. Where as Zoro is a lot more put together and thought out. Luffy is pure instinct and feeling driven.

I dont think you guys realize that Zoro would've killed the lot of them excluding Luffy a long time ago. Especially Nami, Robin, and Franky. When he found out they betrayed Luffy.

Zoro has made it very clear that there is NOTHING that he is not prepared to do. BUT he always leaves decisions like these up to Luffy and Luffy never gives Zoro an answer. He always says "I want to find out for myself. I want them to tell me this to my face."

As for Luffy?

I do believe there is a possibility of Luffy asking Zoro to kill a straw hat.

Because it's like I said earlier. Luffy is completely instinct driven. He does what he wants, when he wants, wherever he wants.

Luffy woke up one day and decided to become the king of the pirates and come to find out thats only a requirement of his real dream.

So what the hell is stopping him from waking up one day and deciding you know what? I want you all dead.

The only ones I feel like Luffy wouldn't kill is obviously Zoro, Robin, and Chopper. And maybe Jinbei. And MAYBE brook since he's been wanting a musician since day one.

But the rest of them? DEAD.

What's stopping him from changing his definition of freedom and wiping the world of one-piece CLEAN?

Especially since Zoro would still follow him?

Get real. Everyone would be cooked. Those two have always been a dangerous duo even before their awakening and haki. They'd be unstoppable now of all times.

Well... That's my thoughts on the matter anyways..

[the-s1lly-corner]

What would like if TADC meet a reader that who doesn't really give a shit to anything , swears a lot and lazy but sometimes she can be suprisingly smart and can give some usefull and healthy advices..

Probably before he was in digital Circus she was an sucsesfull person but something happend and he become a person like that.

Probably wear that headset for get away from his life.

Romantic or platonic your choise

Zooble, Caine, Jax, Kinger x reader whos rude and lazy but gives good advice

currently not taking posts for the entire cast so i let the wheel choose the characters for this post ! going to do this request as well one or two more then i might go work on art.. or nap... we'll see shrugs

CAINE:

even if your swearing censored, caine is still going to scold you for your constant swearing. in fact im inclined to believe that the dynamic between the two of you is going to be tense because of this; you kind of get tired of telling someone to not do something over and over again.. you know? doesnt force you to do IHAs, though, since we see him attempt to make an accommodation for zooble when they expressed they werent interested (despite still being roped into it thanks to the gloinks but hushhush...).. honestly i dont see him being the type to seek out advice, so theres a solid chance he doesnt know you can give some wise words unless he sees you helping someone out. will be annoying about it since he takes it as you "coming out of your shell" or something along those lines

JAX:

thinks its funny and he probably tries to rile you up on purpose... you know how theres always that one annoying kid in class thats trying to push that one tired teachers buttons? its like that, i think, and youre really trying to do your best to not cuss the rabbit out.. knows you tend to opt out of IHAs so just a heads up hes probably going to booby trap your bedroom door because he knows youre going to go back to your room.. probably goes into your room sometimes to slightly shift things around. drives you nuts. will admit some of your advice is good, i think jax has some ability to get real and serious sometimes so he can agree with some of the things you say... wont stop him from being a menace, though

KINGER:

two old people; one sweet the other grumpy..? i dont think he would feel this way or that about your dirty mouth, i think he might try to ask why you're so rude every now and then. doesnt try to convince you to go out and do something; since he doesnt have much room to stand on since he tends to skip activities to keep himself inside his pillow fort... not that hes lazy, hes just scared that something is going to go haywire, you know? likely spaces out whenever you try to bring up some real important or helpful info/advice, but thats just kinger you know? you guys probably trade advice every now and then me thinks

ZOOBLE:

think i said this somewhere in a request w/ a reader who swears a lot... but i think zooble flat out wouldnt really vibe with you. theres a difference between dropping a swear every now and then but theyre going to think youre annoying if youre being excessive with the swearing, you know? makes someone sound like a little kid who just learned a new naughty word, and it doesnt matter that youre likely older than them... no thoughts on your laziness, since they themselves would much rather want to skip out on an IHA than to be forced to participate in it.. but thats more of zooble not wanting to do it than being lazy, if that makes sense? does keep notes on some of the advice you spew out every now and then, though... doubt they go seek it out though

[mythicalmyles]

Hey Myles, you can probably guess who I am but when doing asks like these I like to stay anon hehe

Could I ask for a Jeff x super insecure male reader? Like he just wants to be cute and pretty and buys a lot of knee high stuff but when he looks in the mirror he's just not where he wants to be? Maybe Jeff is watching from the window and decides to step in and help him look a bit closer in the mirror with him being all stuffed and having his mouth full of jeffs fingers, telling him how he is pretty and he just needed a little help? You can throw in some other stuff too but I like the idea of Jeff forcing the reader to look in the mirror as he rails him and demands the reader to call themselves a pretty boy as he keeps his mouth open with his fingers :D

🌸

i hope u enjoy! (dubcon to start)18+

(Name) let out a deep sigh, sad eyes staring back at him in the mirror. His hands nervously fiddled with the edge of the skirt he wore, the red and black tartan standing out against his thighs. No matter how hard he tried he just never felt pretty, his hair never sat right, his jawline was masked by some chub. He nitpicked himself for a few more moments before huffing out a sight, turning around and burying himself into his pillows.

He lay in despair for a few minutes, kicking his legs in a small tantrum, glad he was alone. "Well, aren't you a delicious little thing." (Name) screamed and quickly turned around, eyes doubling at the sight. Before him was a rather tall muscular man, cheeks scarred up and eyes wide with insanity. Fear flooded through (Name) as long as shame for being caught in a skirt and thigh highs, everyone would find out what he did in the privacy of his own home.

(Name) shook as Jeff took large strides over to him, grin building on his face when (Name) scrambled back, pressing himself close to the wall. He squeezed his thighs closed, anticipating the verbal lashing he would probably get. (Name) almost flew out of his skin when Jeff's hand gripped his thigh, yanking him down so he was under Jeff's body. (Name) couldn't speak, instead shaking under the large man.

"Why are you hiding pretty boy?" Jeff smirked as his hand began running up (Names) thigh, (Names) brain could barley comprehend what Jeff had just said, the words refusing to register in his mind. He had to have misheard, he convinced himself. "C'mon, don't be show shy. Show me that pretty voice." Jeff's hand was wrapped loosely around his throat, (Names) cock had already reached half hardness. Blood pulsing down his cock as his stomach twisted, Jeff's words having more of an affect on him than he ever wanted to admit.

"Don't call me that." (Name) choked out, Jeff's smirk never faltered. He could very easily tell the affect the words had on the smaller man. "Aw? Don't like it, huh princess?" (Name) tried to hide the shudder that ran through his body, Jeff chuckled. "Not pretty." He mumbled, eyes doing their best to focus on anything that wasn't Jeff's face. "Bullshit." Jeff muttered, grabbing the back of (Names) neck and pulling him over to the mirror, his arms caging in (Name) who was quick to grip his hoodie. Jeff used one arm to pin (Names) arms behind his back as his free arm moved to grip his cheeks.

"Don't think thats pretty? Fucking look!" Jeff growled as (Name) tried to not look at himself in the mirror, trying to ignore the way heat built in his body with the way Jeff was holding him. Jeff's hand ran down from his neck to his chest, roughly pinching one of his nipples through the fabric. A high pitched moan left (Name) as he stumbled back into Jeff's chest. "Good boy." Jeff smirked, relishing in the shudder that ran through (Name). Jeff's hand drifted further down, playing with the hem of (Names) skirt as he shook. "Real pretty thighs, gonna have them wrapped around my cock sometime." (Names) mouth dropped open, a gasp leaving him.

"You'd look so pretty riding my cock, bet this jiggles a lot." Jeff growled against (Names) neck, grabbing his ass and shaking the flesh. Another whimper fell from (Name), his cheeks bright red as he watched Jeff's hands run over his body, grabbing and squeezing. "P-please." (Name) begged, his hips grinding against the air. The slight friction of the skirt against his cock driving him insane. Jeff chuckled, hand quick to make its way to (Names) cock. A loud moan left (Name), Jeff's arm stopping him from doubling over.

Jeff let go of his arm, lifting up (Names) skirt to show off his cock. (Name) whimpered and moaned as he slapped a hand over his mouth to stop the embarrassing noises leaving him. He'd never had anyone else touch him there and it felt so good, the way Jeff's hand expertly worked him, flicking his wrist and playing with the tip of his cock. It all drove him insane. "Call me Jeff pretty boy." (Name) made eye contact with Jeff in the mirror, scarred cheeks twisted into a smirk.

Jeff's hand left (Names) cock causing the latter to whimper, Jeff's chuckle rumbling against his back. Jeff picked up one of (Names) thighs, spreading him and eyeing him up in the mirror, a groan leaving him. "So fuckin pretty princess." A moan left (Name), despite the fact he was wriggling in Jeff's hold. Embarrassment flooding him at the sight of himself spread in the mirror. Jeff's hands were hot against his skin.

Jeff's fingers tapped against his lips. "Suck for me good boy." (Name) shuddered as he opened his lips, allowing the fingers to press into his mouth. His tongue messily rolled around Jeff's digits, hands holding onto his wrist for support. Another groan left Jeff, his darkened eyes locked onto (Name) slurping on his fingers. Jeff pulled his fingers out, hand moving to (Names) ass and circling his hole. "Say you're a pretty boy." Jeff commanded, his voice breathy against (Names) shoulder.

(Name) made a noise of discomfort, quickly turning into a moan when Jeff pressed the tip of his finger into his hole. Jeff gently thrust the finger into (Name), not going deep as he teased the smaller. "Say. It." Jeff demanded in his ear. (Name) whimpered. "I-i'm a pre-pretty boy." He choked out, the sight of himself being devoured by Jeff sending sparks through his body.

Jeff's finger slid all the way in, the sweet moan that left (Name) going straight to his cock. Jeff couldn't hold himself back, quick to insert another finger. "Aa-ah! Wa-wait!" (Names) panicked voice rang out as a pained moan left him. "Shh baby, look at you, so pretty." Jeff mumbled, his lips ghosting against (Names) neck and sending him shaking. "Too mu-much!" (Name) squeaked out when Jeff pressed a third in, his back arching into Jeff. "You can take it." Jeff muttered before attaching his lips to the junction between (Names) neck and shoulder, his teeth scraping against the (S/c) skin.

All (Name) could do was force his body to relax as Jeff picked up pace, moans falling from his lips with every slam of Jeff's digits. "Need to be in you pretty boy." Jeff's voice was gruff, impatiences laced into his words. Jeff's fingers left (Name) and he found himself whining and chasing them. Jeff chucked. "Don't worry, I'll stuff you full." (Name) let out a breathy moan, Jeff's cock rubbing against his hole. "T-too big." (Name) whimpered, the feeling of Jeff's large cock pressing against him intimidating. "You can take it." Jeff reassured as he began pressing into (Name), it took a few moments before his head finally breached into (Name). Pained whines fell from (Name) as he shook in Jeff's arms. "Such a good boy, taking me so well. So pretty." Jeff cooed, his words sending (Name) into the sky as pleasure flooded his body.

Jeff gripped his face, keeping him looking in the mirror. "What are you?" Jeff asked, voice steady as he slowly fucked his way into (Name). (Name) moaned and squeaked as he was stretched to his limit, hole burning as Jeff's cock dove deeper. "P-pretty boy." (Name) squeaked out when Jeff thrust balls deep into him. "Good boy." Jeff praised, slowly pulling out and thrusting into (Name). "Look so pretty, taking my cock so well." Jeff's words had (Names) stomach tightening, legs shaking as Jeff bore most of his weight.

Jeff's fingers pushed past (Names) lips, pressing against his tongue as Jeff sped up his thrusts. Loud embarrassing moans flew out of (Names) lips, drool dripping down Jeff's wrist. "Who's a pretty boy?" Jeff asked, watching the way (Names) eyes hazed out, mind going blank as Jeff fucked him. "M-me." (Name) moaned through his fingers, Jeff rewarding him by biting down onto his neck. Jeff's teeth pierced him and he screamed as he painted his skirt white, cum dripping down the fabric and sticking to his thighs.

All (Name) could do was weakly whimper as Jeff's hips sped up, his own high coming close. Jeff's hand moved from (Names) mouth to his neck, wrapping around it. "Who's a pretty boy?" He demanded, voice dark as he growled into (Names) ear. "A-ah! Me! I'm a pretty boy!" (Name) shouted as Jeff's cock continually rammed into his over stimulated prostate. Jeff's hand choked him as his thrusts sped up almost impossibly, brutally fucking into (Name). Shock filled (Name) as he came again, his orgasm hitting him hard and quick as he clenched hard around Jeff's cock. Jeff thrusted a few more times before spilling his load into (Name).

"So pretty baby, look. My cum's spilling out." Jeff giggled, insanity in his voice as his wide eyes watched the mirror. The view of his cum seeping out of (Names) hole made him want to plug up the small boy, keep him nice and full of his cum.

[mulling-over-milgram]

My current Remi theories

Agghhh I’m very late….but here we go ^^;

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TIMELINE SPECULATION

Okay so first of all again starting with a timeline. Now Remi’s recordings seem like they could be over the course of multiple years? So since as far as I’m aware we don’t know what year tsumigram takes place I’m going to be referring to the first paragraph of recording one as year 0001 and then if I believe the year changes 0002 so on and so forth so keep in mind I’m not actually referring to the real life years 0001 , 0002 , 0003 ect ect.

“Summer is ending. Let's stop already, how long are we going to chew on this cold food?” End of august

“Spring is ending. We part and come back together, this must be a form of true love for you; though as for me, I'm not so sure.” End of may

“Winter is ending. Closeness never matters; they switch their opinions in an instant, and always, always, always, always choose someone else instead.” End of February

“Autumn is ending This was a game of play-pretending for everyone but me; right, I wanted a place I and others could belong to, but as I've seen through lies, I'm burning down the theatre..” November/December

“Summer is ending. You simply disappeared without a word; I didn't care, did I care? Too many people, I get lost.” End of August again

Now there are two interpretations since the memories from this recording if my research is correct :

-1) the memories take place over the corse of five years which explains why we start in august the 8th month of the year and then go to the 5th , 2nd , 11/12th and finally back to 8th assuming the recordings are chronological then this is the only answer that really makes sense

-2) the alternative would be that the paragraphs are in reverse order so then you’d go 2>5>8>11/12>8

but I personally lean more towards them being in chronological order because there feels like a progression. In paragraph one Remi asks the other why they are still in this relationship? The relationship to borrow Remi’s metaphor had gone cold then in the next paragraph they seem to be on better terms but still not great then 3 we are back to the relationship being strained and getting worse…it won’t make alot of sense for us to start with “you simply disappeared” and end with “how long are we going to chew on this cold food? = how long are we going to prolong this dying relationship?

The only thing really giving me pause is that its such a long time. 5 years! Remi is 18 thats just under 1/3 of her life time…it makes me feel like I’ve made some mistake in my research….

moving onto the second memory

“Year by year, I look back and feel all the same, let me out of this, let me out of this loop! I wonder what kind of person I used to be before. Is it your fault? Changing me so much. Cherry blossom petals, a wave of crystal water covering my ankles, tender girly laughs from all sides.” CHERRY BLOSSOM’S SAVE THE TIME LINE YET AGAIN :D because cherry blossoms were blooming that places this paragraph around late March and early April.

“Ah, my first ever wish made on New Year night was to meet a true friend. I imagined my own friends, and this is how I became a writer, slowly but surely. I met real friends to grow up with, slowly but surely, but all of them were condescending, and I got trapped in a small box of expectations. “ because its new years eve December 31st

“Warm snowflakes falling from the night sky, the stars are never seen in the city; I watch myself looking up from the sidelines, holding onto the lantern as my last hope.” Now personally I interpret the warm snow flakes line as describing the stars rather than actual snowflakes as warm snowflakes is a contradicting description and the fact the next line literally talks about the stars with that in mind the lantern is the only clue as to wear to place the memory now I’m not fully sure on this but the main Japanese lantern related thing I could find was Toro Nagashi now I’m a little iffy on this since from my research Toro nagashi is mostly about the dead and guiding dead souls but I did see a few places mention wishes “Toro Nagashi is a summer tradition in which people make wishes and float paper lanterns down a river” again I’m really not sure about this but its the best connection I could find so far…this slots (assuming the toro nahashi connection is correct) this memory at the 13th - 16th of August or July.

“Running through a chilly meadow, sun rising and I hold your hand, catching lavender clouds as I stay at home.” Chilly = cold // cold = autumn? September December???

“You're squeezing something heavy with your hands, water covering your eyes, so you can't see what's there; sun’s warmth is on your back, a chill feeling spreading over the body.” Warmth = summer???

I’m quite shaky on alot of the conclusions but my overall interpretation of the time line is.

The trial starts possibly some time in December due to 003’s birthday being soon after T1 starts???

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡༻ੈ✩‧₊˚₊

FULL TIMELINE THEORY

0001 / august / ?? Summer is ending. Let's stop already, how long are we going to chew on this cold food?”

0002 / march / April / ??

“Year by year, I look back and feel all the same, let me out of this, let me out of this loop! I wonder what kind of person I used to be before. Is it your fault? Changing me so much. Cherry blossom petals, a wave of crystal water covering my ankles, tender girly laughs from all sides.”

0002 / may / ?? “Spring is ending. We part and come back together, this must be a form of true love for you; though as for me, I'm not so sure.”

0003 / February / ??

“Winter is ending. Closeness never matters; they switch their opinions in an instant, and always, always, always, always choose someone else instead.”

0003 / December / 31st

“Ah, my first ever wish made on New Year night was to meet a true friend. I imagined my own friends, and this is how I became a writer, slowly but surely. I met real friends to grow up with, slowly but surely, but all of them were condescending, and I got trapped in a small box of expectations. “

0004 / August / ??

“Warm snowflakes falling from the night sky, the stars are never seen in the city; I watch myself looking up from the sidelines, holding onto the lantern as my last hope.”

0004 / September / ??

“Running through a chilly meadow, sun rising and I hold your hand, catching lavender clouds as I stay at home.”

0004 / december / ??

“Autumn is ending This was a game of play-pretending for everyone but me; right, I wanted a place I and others could belong to, but as I've seen through lies, I'm burning down the theatre..”

0005 / august / ??

“Summer is ending. You simply disappeared without a word; I didn't care, did I care? Too many people, I get lost.”

0005 / August / ??

“You're squeezing something heavy with your hands, water covering your eyes, so you can't see what's there; sun’s warmth is on your back, a chill feeling spreading over the body”

0005 / December / ??

milgram

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THOUGHTS ON HER CRIME

Now moving on to what I think remi’s crime is…..I have not idea! That is the reason why this is so late because I am completely lost on what it could be :)

clearly remi was in some sort of unfulfilling relationship were she felt she was giving more then taking , felt neglected and like it was dying for a long while before it actually ended. So her victim is probably that person?

as for the description

“You're squeezing something heavy with your hands, water covering your eyes, so you can't see what's there; sun’s warmth is on your back, a chill feeling spreading over the body.

It's not the time to listen to yourself. It's never the time, remember?

Your knees and hands seem to hurt, but you keep on pushing, can't give up — now or never”

ummm it kinda gives me the vibes of drowning? Like keep pushing = keep pushing the head under water??? Water coving her eyes could be because she’s also under water…? But I feel like “something heavy with your hands, water covering your eyes,” thats gotta be tears right? Like yes it could be a large body of water was involved if so probably the one implied here “a wave of crystal water covering my ankles,”

Her murder location does look like a lake surrounded but trees to me? But that could just be the distortion. That what go me started down the whole drowning train of thought.

(Gorgeous diagram I know)

but just overall I don’t have a strong theory (this seems to be a reoccurring theme….)

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡༻ੈ✩‧₊˚₊

RECORDING/UNDER COVER IMAGES

Once again moving on. Time to tackle these two images , her memory recordings and her undercover.

Starting with the memory recording this is alot more abstract then hotaru’s so I feel like the symbolism in it can be read into more. Remi is in space and I feel like space is probably a metaphor for her relationship. Space is cold and a vacuum you can’t speak or be heard in space (without special equipment and the whole no speaking thing is more that if you open your mouth you die and boil/freeze alive but lets put the logistics to the side for a minute) she is surrounded by other planets (possibly reproductive of the other people like the other people implied by lines like “ tender girly laughs from all sides.” / “I wanted a place I and others could belong to” / always choose someone else instead“ ect) and how planets and other celestial objects go in set orbit going round and around on the same path could be seen as similar to how remi describes the relationship “So tiring. I need to break the cycle.” There’s falling star’s in the bg which could refence wishing stars or possibly the concept of star crossed lovers? Or wishing

I attempted to map the planets from the art to our solar system which again not sure if its ment to be our solar system or just a general space setting but if it is our solar system then perhaps we could read into the fact that in this context remi would be on the outer side of the solar system far away from the sun and in the colder part of the system.

unrelated observations that the shape on the side kinda looks like a wave or maybe thats just my conformation bias talking…?

And this art could also possibly reference a magical girl transformation ??? I feel like I’m reaching to much with those last two points tho…

As for the undecover frame we have already seen remi liken her relationship to food “Let's stop already, how long are we going to chew on this cold food?” So relationship metaphor???

there seems to be strawberries in the picture which according to google in japan has symbolism of love and is a gift on valentines day in japan….? it is also apparently a symbol of the goddess Venus which links it back in with space but idk

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡༻ੈ✩‧₊˚₊

MY CURRENT THOUGHTS ON VOTING

I really don’t feel like I know enough to vote her anything….? I went with victim in the end because I didn’t really feel like I had any strong concussion on her situation but I feel like I gotta be missing something cuz it was 50% predator when I originally wrote this section.

[velvet-apricots]

Ansbach for character ask

favorite thing about them

His entire character is very interesting. When you think "murder cult" you think axe murderer levels of crazy. But he is alarmingly sane, well spoken, and reasonable. He is polite to everyone, even his enemies. You really get the vibe that he represents something very different from what we are shown. Like once the Dynasty was MORE than what it is now. One that could have been a real dynasty, but has degraded into a cult.

least favorite thing about them

WHY THE FUCK DID HE DIE? HE WAS STILL STANDING WHEN I BEAT THE FINAL BOSS ITS NOT FARE!!

Also not a fan of how fandom pits him against Gideon Ofnir.

favorite line

Miquella the Kind...is a monster. Pure and radiant, he wields love to shrive clean the hearts of men. There is nothing more terrifying.

(also litterally whenever he calls me Righteous Tarnished)

brOTP

Thiollier and Ansbach. They have such a nice little vibe. They both are afraid but are willing to fight for who they have devoted themselves to.

OTP

Adamah x Ansbach and Ansbach x Tarnished. Obviously I have a preference to m/f content, and thats what I seek first and foremost. There is almost nothing of that (or anything actually) though. But I have Adamah so I am not entirely without content, but it doesn't hit as nicely when you make it.

Kind of surprised there is so little Tarnished x Ansbach honestly. Nor is there any Ansbach x Reader? so many people are talking about how hot he is, and yet I don't SEE anyone doing anything with him. Super disappointing. U_U

nOTP

Don't have one with him. Not yet anyway. The ships I have seen I am utterly neutral about. I am very picky and feel very strongly so its only a matter of time XD

random headcanon

He has arthritis in both hands. Makes using his scythe hard in his old age, so thus he has taken up the rapier.

unpopular opinion

I have one but I won't say it cause its not about him specifically and I would be flayed alive for even saying it.

song i associate with them

I have a rather limited library of music i listen too but lets see.... Yeah okay this one kept popping up into my head. U_U

favorite picture of them

old men hunch meeting.

[littlewolf651]

I did not buy nor I want to play that wizard game. But let me tell you what happened to me today.

I have been helping with Turkey communication efforts to reestablish essential networks so people can coordinate better. Im part of a computer science volunteers team and we have known each other since the pandemic (we got together to help with BLM) This time we have worked non stop, taking turns only to eat and sleep naps till we finally got the main channels we were working on to hold themselves up. We were *tired*, but someone in our team had been trying to keep the morale up speaking about that game, because they have some experience in game dev so while we waited they would give their predictions and expectations about xyz mechanic. Thats not my area but it was refreshing to hear something that was not about the people dying.

When we finally made it, we said our goodbyes and went directly to sleep. I just woke up and saw the tag of the game on tumblr. I was expecting to read about people enjoying stupid animations or maybe the music, but what I have gathered is people sending each other to hell.

Look, fuck JKR, but playing a game made by hundreds of artists and programmers that made at least a decent job for what Im gathering, is not synonym with being a horrible person. And I say this because is more complicated than that, and is dangerous to simplify things so much. Is dangerous to use the same rhetoric of the person you go against. And is so dam exhausting to see people wasting energy in pitch and forks when real problems are right there.

Just be kind. Humans are stupid and like little stupid games. Millionaires are despicable but difficult to take down. We cant control most things, but at least we don’t have to make other people day difficult.

My apologies for writing this. I needed to get it out and your blog seemed more peaceful than most.

I don’t see how stating my opinion on this matter makes my blog less ‘peaceful’. I’m just making my stance on this clear. My tumblr isn’t made to cater to a specific fandom or aesthetic. I like, reblog, and post what I want. I understand wanting people to chill out about it. But a lot of people that are saying that are missing the point of the discourse.

Look, I love gaming. It’s my escape. I literally just finished playing Dishonored: Death of the Outsider and am about to play Subnautica Below Zero. Gaming is great.

However people from both the trans and Jewish communities have explicitly asked people not to condone and play this game, because it’s success ultimately just continues to hurt them in the long run.

If your want to ignore them and play it then go ahead! I’m not gonna stop you or condemn you for it. You don’t have to justify to me why people want to play it. If you wanna ignore the voices of other communities for the sake of your own enjoyment, then fine.

But there are hundreds if not thousands of other video games out there that you can play that don’t have this kind history of routinely hating on other communities.

Besides reviews for the game are pretty mid anyways. I’d rather go play Horizon 2 again.

Anyways, I don’t wanna talk about this anymore so here’s a picture of my cat to cheer people up. Ain’t he cute?

[bunnypopgal]

Morality Bites

Since my last post ive been having to deal with of course more flashbacks with panic attacks that last longer than i think should be possible in humans. Most of the flashbacks are from back when i was in high school. i had to deal with a lot of homophobia and just a lot of overall bullying from my dear classmates.

Like when i would ask one of my nice classmates to tell me more about his old tech collection my other classmates ran around telling each other that i was bullying him and calling him names. Every time he would stand up to them when they tried to "comfort" him (they just wanted to talk shit about me to anyone). That was super out of his comfort zone and im still very grateful for both him telling me what was going on and him standing up for honestly the both of us. This kinda thing would happen a lot and i mean a lot. So much so that even the super quiet kids in school began to openly insult me about things i would never do. Then i would go home and get treated the same by my biological mother. I hate being "back" in that place in my life. No matter how much i would stand up for myself everything would be twisted against me over and over again so much that people would often just assume most if not all those things about me had to be the real truth. To be fair i think it didnt help i never explained my morals set fully. i never thought to at the time and now im not sure if it wouldve even changed anything at all. Everything i believe in my moral set is pretty understandable but im not sure how it looks to others looking back. my moral set is mine tho. i never would force ANYONE to adhere to it just because they dont live the same way but i would tell them i disapprove, why and that if we dont see eye to eye on this THATS FINE(depending) BUUUT that also meanings i would rather not be close/friends anymore and just be more polite acquaintances(now that im adult i can tell people to fuck off nowadays! yahoo!!)

heres the large bulk of my moral set:

i am against discrimination based on sexuality, gender, ethnicity, heritage, and non-hateful religious followers. 

i am against child abuse, child neglect, DV, SA and theres NO excuse for any of it. Monsters who do these acts are monsters and theres no going back from that.

i am against cruelty, excessive) selfishness + selflessness(these things must be in a good balance), bullying, cheating, lying (unless its a life or death situation), people refusing self-improvement/growth, being disingenuous/fake.

Kindness is a gift. Be kind, be understanding but be rational because there will always be people who want to abuse others' kindness.Its a gift you have to give to YOURSELF first so that you will also have enough to be able to share with others. Being kind includes setting appropriate boundaries, being assertive and clear, letting yourself BE HUMAN.

If you see a chance to help someone no matter how small it may seem at first it DOES matter. 

When you make a mistake you do your best to right your wrong because youre yourself during your best and your worst times so make sure you can be proud of yourself even in the worst times. Mistakes are opportunities to grow and learn- take them!!! 

Life is short but also long- keeping/finding good mental health is a must, being able to be yourself is a must- never live a lie, you want something you work for it- passion is a wonderful tool, surround yourself with like-minded people but don't be afraid to be open to others- you may learn something new!

im only 23 rn but i feel ive learned a lot in my lifetime and im also know i have so much more ahead of me. i know some of these maybe hard for other people and it may feel lonely at times but for me thats okie. i dont preach or force these things on other people, mind you. i believe if someone truly wants to change, grow into living with this kinda moral set and sticking to it they need to find their reasons themselves. we're all on our own journeys.

Anyways most of my life i have found everyone around me has often just expected the worst of me in every situation and treated me as if i am evil in human form no matter what was proven. i dont live to make others like me so i do my best to stand up for myself but if they dont believe me or not care enough to think of me even neutrally now- thats fine with me. i just dont want to be treated poorly. i will never understand excessive cruelty that has been done to me. i dont know what they tell themselves at night to justify it all. it makes me feel scared since i feel like if any of them got the chance to be cruel to me once again none of them would flinch to do so. i understand i maybe cringe and annoying but i like myself, who i am and who i am always working on growing to be. im not gonna change for people who dont care about me as even a fellow human. i just wish and hope they ever hear or see my name or face anywhere its because my comic im currently working on made it big!

Before i close this post off i would like to say i understand my demeanour and overall hopefulness maybe seen like just plain ol' naivety and ill be honest maybe it is but i am passionate and i am determined to never give up, to use this life for all its got and do my part to make the world even just a little kinder. If that makes me seem stupid to you then i wonder what does "stupid" even mean to you.

"There's a difference only you can make." - Barbie in The 12 Dancing Princesses

[ghost-of-the-machine]

i used to be able to just like. yap for eternity like, it was my favorite thing ever!!

just go somewhere and TALK talk alone, talk for no one, talk til i had nothing to say anymore but recently ive noticed it makes me feel.. worse? like. i was supposed to just JERK OFF AND GO TO BED like . at 9 pm last night 💀 and i stayed up til like 3 am, ive just been talkin and i watched a movie, that was nice.. i miss it? something inside of me is really really sad right now and i cant quite figure out why. its like a weird puzzle, trying to navigate my brain cuz like i KNOW something wrong, but what? whats bothering me? idont understand. maybe im scared of annoying people again, but.. was i scared of that before too? i dont remember if i was or not. what do i even miss? i dont know, i miss? i dont know what i miss. i miss something, probably

maybe thats whats bothering me, i feel like ive lost something, do i feel like ive lost the ability to be comfortable just.. talking ? maybe a little.. some people followed me after i posted my spamton art and anytime that sort of thing happens, i always feel . i feel so horribly guilty!!! youve followed me for that, not to hear me chatter endlessly about whatever comes to my mind. i know i shouldnt care, but im just scared of annoying people, cuz i really do love to talk!!! i love talking about things i like, but.. something is holding me back? it feels like it, i dont know why. i think its just mental barriers. i was so up front and proud of how much i love spamton g spamton, how much i love A LOT of characters. then i made friends and i felt ashamed and embarrassed. is that all it takes? once you have a set of eyes on you that matters, you fold? i feel like that about a lot of things, maybe thats one of the reasons ive been quieter than im used to being

i think im scared, i think it scares me to imagine ever saying anything and having them be like. "eugh." like?? death id prefer death. without them even asking for it ive just kinda cut bits and pieces off to save myself from POTENTIAL rejection, the. i just want to be someone that is adored, as selfish as it is, of course ill change to get that

i think it sorta.. i . its hard to explain, but loving people when you have bpd feels like you will never ever be loved equally, because i have endless devotion and admiration, theres hardly a single thing i dont love about the people i care about, to the point where its a fault. ive let people get away with terrible things, just cuz i loved them so much i didnt care what happened to me. and sometimes it hurts real bad when i remember that the way i love isnt normal, no one could ever love me like that. its why im on edge, the fear of saying something wrong, the fear of cracking this image. they like me, dont they? what if i say something wrong and for even a small second they like me just a little bit less? it makes me chest hurt just thinking about it, its terrifying. if they like me less for a second, maybe.. the rose tinted glasses will shatter, maybe theyll realize im not all that great, maybe itll be over, gone, DONE. finished, ended . dead. i dont want that, its logical to do everything i can to avoid that right?

terrible fate, thats how i see it. the end of all things. worst possible thing to ever happen to me. id rather relive all my trauma over again than lose anyone, id rather anything else. the way i feel is extreme, but. im known for that i guess 💀 its fear, im scared. scared, what if im annoying? i get afraid of annoying STRANGERS, of course im terrified to annoy my best friends. annoying, maybe when im talking to myself about shit they dont care about, its just filler words. garbage, static , words from my mouth and it means nothing to them. isnt that thought so scary? it is to me, i hang on to every word, every stupid joke, every laugh and .

what do i feel now? im working myself up over something that hasnt even happened. ive upset myself over the IDEA of a problem, the thought that maybe something might be wrong. whatever. i think i have this intense loathing for myself, thats the thing?

with bpd, you split. yr thinking isnt clear, its black and white. painful, so painful, but.. im not some mindless monster that just lashes out. thats terrifying, id have no one if i did that right? so i split on myself instead, all that anger and pain is directed at me from inside, it rips me apart. suddenly i can see every flaw, every annoying thing ive ever done every awkward sentence, every joke that didnt land. every opportunity, every single thing that could take it all away from me. as innocent as they are it seems like genuinely theres these big ugly lacerations on my body every time i feel like im possibly maybe not being as charming as id hope to be, ugly scars that ward people off, my blood gets everywhere and it grosses them out, they scoot away an inch for every cut. i know its not true.. i make friends with good people!! the best people, it just.. its what im scared of, which in my eyes means that its true because if im scared of it, there msut be a reason why im scared ofit? it must be actively happening! every rejection of my being is a step closer to abandonment, i g

ive been doing really good, i think. im not so scared of being abandoned because ive been reassured over and over again and i dont have the heart to think past all that work thats been done for me. ive hardly thought about it, anytime i get scared i just remember the things that have been said to me, how secure my place is here. its true, surely.. but this fear is natural for me. its 2nd nature, this fear puts actions in motion to prevent abandonment. fear keeps me safe, keeps me in that little box i think people want me in. the little box that says im okay! im a good person, every aspect of me they can see in the box is enjoyable, who cares if i feel like i need to cut some pieces off to fit there?

i know in my heart its not what they want. im moving too fast, im bracing again. i just get scared, maybe im just needy. what, i need eyes on me? need to feel seen and appreciated with everything i do? if nothing else, at least THAT is 100% selfish, ive been doing better recently... but sometimes its hard not to fall back on those instincts

[unknownjpegs]

a joke

It’s such a small comment, but for Xavier it feels so big. It swells up in his head, pushes everything out. He loses the flow of conversation immediately.

The bar is loud, oppressive in that way these settings always are. They’ve snagged a good spot in the corner, but the music is still decently loud and the people are louder. It’d been getting to Xavier, even before this conversation went south. Social meter drained; his sister had once told him, you just run out, dude. Sometimes, you’re there and all of a sudden you get that look that says, oh fuck, let me leave.

Xavier taps his beer bottle against that chipped canine he got in the army.

“Don’t say ever say that again,” he interrupts, before the conversation can move on. The sound tech startles to be the sudden focus of his attention. It’s brutally direct—Xavier can do that to a person, make them all his focus, blur out everything else around him. Figures thats why people like him so much sometimes, but in this instance, it just has the tech sweating.

“What?” he says it, in a laugh and it’s a little high pitched and nervous. Xavier taps the beer bottle again. Tap. Tap.

“You called Benji a slut,” Xavier laughs too, but its not high pitched. And it’s not nervous. It’s not even really a laugh. His sister had said, you just got a real mean look about you too, when you get fed up with someone. You look scary. “Don’t fucking do that.”

Someone else beside him laughs, awkward—and Xavier realizes, it feels nice not to care. That he’d ruined the vibe, or the mood, or whatever. That he didn’t let the comment roll off and the conversation continue. He doesn’t care that he’s making this other man nervous, doesn’t care that they’ll call him an asshole as soon as he leaves. Xavier puts the beer down and folds his arms over his chest. Leans back a little in his chair.

“It’s just a joke—man, relax. Like, Benji kinda slept around before you, right?” The techs name starts with a J, but Xavier’s forgetting it momentarily because his vision is dancing a little red on the edges. He sets up the sound for the group, and maybe he’s bitter because Benji doesn’t do sound check for his drums, or rather, he does it himself. Maybe, it doesn’t actually matter, so long as Xavier can impress how important this is.

“Look,” Xavier stands slowly, the chair scraping behind him as he goes. All the men at the table slowly seem to lean back. “I’m telling you. I’m not asking—and I don’t care if it was a joke. I’m telling you.” He flattens a hand on the table. “Not to fuckin’ do it. Benji—”

“Benji, what?”

His accented voice cuts through the volume of the bar. Makes Xavier’s chin fall over his shoulder and look behind him. He’s standing there, hood flipped up, all those wild black tangles of hair poking out. Makes Xavier immediately want to go about stuffing them back under. Xavier glances back to the tech—Jason. And he smiles.

“They’re getting tired of all my fucking jokes, is all,” Xavier says, laughing. “Yeah, Jay?” He slaps one of his giant hands on the sound tech’s arm. He jumps but laughs too, in that shriek of a note and nods.

“Yeah—Xavier’s got—got fucking awful jokes.”

“Funnier than you fuckin’ lot most of the time,” Benji replies, loud enough to be heard over the music. “You need a cig break?” He asks pointedly of Xavier. Cig break is code for people break. He can feel his sister, in his head. You just look like you need a break sometimes, from the crowd. Xavier puts his back to the crew, slides his jacket off the back of the chair he’d just stood up from.

He can’t stop himself from pushing some of those curls back as they walk away.

—

“What was the joke?” Benji’s lighter strikes a few times before catching. He cups a hand around it as he holds it up for Xavier to lean over. When the cherry catches, Xavier drags in and then leans back to exhale. The smoke swirls up into the air above them, outside the bar. They’re so blessedly alone; everyone crammed inside, sweltering and yelling over each other.

“Doesn’t matter,” Xavier says, wrists falling to rest on Benji’s shoulders as they face each other. Benji’s cigarette sits firmly between his lips, one of his handsome brows arched. Looks unimpressed with Xavier’s avoidance, but doesn’t press in either. Xavier leans in as Benji pulls the cigarette from his mouth, shoots the stream out to the side.

His lips catch on his jaw, nuzzle down into his neck. Breathes in the smell of him mixed with the nicotine.

“Nothin’ I haven’t heard ‘fore, Xavier.”

“Not gonna hear it again, can assure you fucking that.”

Benji’s head tilts back, but before he can laugh, Xavier is sealing his mouth over his lips. They kiss, for a moment, both their cigarettes burning low and the sound of that awful bar music in the background. And when they pull apart, Xavier yanks the hood down so he can see that tumble of black, curly hair.

“We’re goin’ back to the bus, now.”

“Ooooh, hah, for what?”

“You fuckin’ loon, you know what.”

[evoanakin]

Ever since I was a kid I always felt that I was never fully accepted by my family. I was adopted and the way my family is (filled with issues & gossip) I was the outside person. I barely get to join games or conversations. Nobody really cared what I say or do, until they saw me failed. I longed for a family and wanting to create my own where everyone will be loved equally and accepted. I got bullied a lot growing up and some of my bullies have grown up and became my friends but some bullies never did. One of my bullies was my cousin. She was unbelievably evil. Tho she pushes me around and tells me things I am not, I still invite her when me and my mom will go out. I invite her to play my new toys. But after all of that kindness and sincerity.. she still hurts me, not just emotionally but physically and mentally. There were night or days that I would run away. Thats what I do. I run away from my bully. I would hide our gardens, or hide in the back of the car so that I won’t get hurt.

Then my mom finds out about it, and barely does anything. Cos people think of my mom as “the nice one” the “person who doesn’t get mad”. I was never really protected by my mom. Sometimes I hated her for that. Cos she would rather hide me with new toys, or ask me to stay in my room. Rather than confronting my bullies or help me out. I never really had anybody to be really there for me. When I needed it the most. I am always alone when it was in the lowest points.

In my current life, my biggest bully is my love. The way my bully was, she does the adult version of that and I still do the same thing. But for her, I am not a kid. I am just an unkind, two faces asshole. No matter what art of kindness I show onto her, she will never see me more than what I am. For years I let my love did that to me, but its not all her fault. Cos when I was running away, it was my choice to come back. It was my choice to get hurt and stay. It was my choice to keep trying to show them love and hope that love will be given in return. Through out time my love.. she hurt me so bad that I have nightmare about it. I feel my chest physically hurting because of it. Worst of all, is that she left alone to deal with it on my own and it like I didn’t matter.

But my bullies from back then and now have the same problem, you see. They never felt loved as kids. There innocents got taken away from them at a young age. They got hurt too much. They never saw real love like I did. They hated they’re parents growing up and they lie and make excuses to get by with other people. They hurt people cos they’re hurting inside. But was that fair to others? To ruin my once well-being because theirs was?

You would think that my bullies will have some consciousness that what she did was wrong and she finds way too make it right. But no. Thats not how the story goes. Cos bullies will forever be bullies. They have no remorse for people they hurt, they could say it but their actions don’t. Stupid thing about me is I believe in the best in people, that why I get disappointed a lot. I believe people can change for the good and treat each other good. We are not our parents, we should be better than them. My love.. hurt me so bad by giving me the love I didn’t deserve. No matter how much I tried, I still didn’t get it.

One day I went to the doctor and I told her that my heart is hurting physically and my head gets light weight and my left arms starts to numb. I wanted to get some test and exams but she said “have you hurt yourself physically in the past two week?” And I said yes. I tried to kill myself three time in the one week. I choked and hanged myself but nothing seems to work. I have cut myself and drove insanely fast until a car could hit me. She gave me some anti-depressants for like 1 month. I got better emotionally but my mind mentally was not. Cos in my head, even as I write this. All I could say every day is “I don’t want to be here.”.

My life right now is doing great. My family is healthy and well. I could sleep at night and wake up early in the morning. I go out with my friends and make them laugh. I even have my love in my life again after all that happen. Before she made a light in my life you know? That their is a chance that I could get accepted and loved beyond all. That she is the one. She the person who would stay forever. Shes the person that would make every hurt be okay and worth it. Yeah shes back. In my life. I asked God for so long to have her back in my life but.. I thought that would make it better but it still doesn’t. I don’t want need somebody to hurt or damage anything else. I’d rather be alone than to hurt anybody else.

I can’t do that to her..

But the things is, I want to leave all of that. I want to leave all of that in a heart beat. I don’t want to be with her or anybody. I tired of faking a smile and making my friends and family laugh. I don’t want anybody to talk or I don’t want to listen. I don’t want a good time cos good times go to bad times. Laughter turns into tears and every single person in the world is a fucking disappointment AND NOBODY CAN EVER CHANGE. HUMANS ARE JUST CRUEL AND MEAN AND FUCKING ASSHOLES. This world? Is not the world that I want to be in. I want everything to shut down and stop and end.

You would think, love or people will give you a reason to live and enjoy life. But there is no such thing or person could ever fill up this dark whole I am sinking in. I feel every day as if my heart is about to explode and my tears won’t stop. I don’t show it cos I know, no one will ever understand. Even I myself don’t understand where I am at. I don’t want to be in this world. I want it to stop. I want it all to end.

My last day here is my best day in all the days I lived. I want it to stop. I don’t want to be here no more.

[timehascomeagain]

Im sore and guilty and i want to be held until the feelings go away. <- 24/7 shouted chant in the back of my brain

[cajunfoxnight]

Where to go from here?

OH HEY ITS BEEN A REAL HOT MINUTE SINCE I TALKED ON HERE. And oh boy do I have... thoughts. :T Mostly regarding my blog, Ask October Fox. There is a lot to read here..

Wow ok so.. this is a post that I have been putting off pretty much all year long. It was one of those “I will cross that bridge when I get there” and oh boy, wouldnt you know it.. there’s the bridge. I had wanted to make this sooner but for some reason my brain just wouldnt let me. Im posting this here first since I think about 90% of people who follow October, follow me here too, so this seems like where I might reach the most people but I will also reblog this on her blog as well. I have just been trying to gather my thoughts, but it feels like every time I do, I just end up with a scattered mess trying to explain myself. Id like to keep this short but.. well thats not going to happen, i’ll try tho So... to be upfront with a somewhat TLDR, I dont know how much more I will be running my ask blog. This doesnt mean October herself is going anywhere, she’ll still be around, I just dont know if it will be here. Its a bit of a complicated matter, and one that I have been struggling with since the beginning of the year. My main problem is that I dont know if I can physically keep doing it. I know I had mentioned last year about the amount of pain I was in with my old tablet and how hard it was getting to draw. But on the plus side, since getting a monitor tablet, a new desk and set up, those problems have gotten significantly better. Every so often they might flare up, but with regular breaks, slightly more structured schedule, and daily exercising, its few and far between. So on that front im good! I still dont want to risk getting hurt again, which is why im just unsure if I can put that kind of strain on myself again.. and it doesnt help that I feel like im drawing slower than I used to, tho that could just be me. Secondly, is.. is there anyone here anymore? I used to check Tumblr every day, multiple times a day, and then I just... left for like 3 months bc it felt like hardly anyone was here anymore (another reason why I didnt make this post sooner. I have avoidance issues.). I feel like I might have joined Tumblr around its peak, just before The Ban™️ came down and most people- rightfully- left. October’s story is finally starting to come to light and while it was something I have been planning for a while now, the big story isnt something that I want to do to an empty audience, if that makes any sense. And thats on me, really. I waited too long. Thirdly, there were/are certain things that needed to happen before I could tell that story- and sadly I feel as tho I am missing a big key factor that is needed to link the story to the next part. But without that key factor...I feel like Id to have to retcon the entire story. Not that that in itself is a terrible thing, the story has been ever changing for a while now, but this had been one of the main things I had planned for a long time now. Not to mention I still want to tell stories of some of the other characters. There are a few more personal reasons, but these are just the main ones. Im just.. not sure what to do anymore. I would still like October to continue to interact with people, that is something that I have greatly enjoyed in the past couple of years with the quick replies, and thats what she was meant to be all about for the most part. Im planning on having October doing stuff outside of this blog this year- lots of ideas planned, like streaming art and maybe some games- but as far as the nightly comics.. eehh... So I guess my question is this.. would people rather I just tell them the rest of the story, or would people rather I still try and draw it out, tho more like a graphic novel style and not in a full comic form? Tho again going back to the the third section, I still have to figure out how that would play out anyway. I hate to say how much this has been stressing me out, and how much I am upset with myself over how things have played out. Many things I probably should have done differently but now im just going to have to roll with it. As mentioned the story, October, and the characters arent going anywhere. There are still stories and characters to be talked about, I just dont know how or where that will be.  There is a lot more than I could go on about but for now I think its best to end this rambling here. Once I get some input or answers then I will move onto the next step. I apologize for the massive wall of text here, and for anyone who read all of it, I cant thank you enough for that. For now I will continue to work on the planned projects, as I still have a little time to finish those things up, but wow.. September is sure moving a lot faster than I would like :T

[team-council-two]

So how is Spy a special case?

*is excited*

(for context, in a previous post, i added the tags " i could write an entire book on how unfamiliar french people in medias seem to actual french people, spy is an odd case; ask me about him")

aiight, you know what you signed up for, get ready for one hell of a presentation, ft terminal verbosis frenchosis ! this will be in three parts, of course, because three is a good number and the mere concept of having 3 parts should give you all a headache (look ray i didnt add a n this time)

wait shit im not even sure mistral is a spy, hold on,

aw fck thats for real ones

anyways femme fatale trope, next question

HA gotcha, you didnt think id let yall go with just one sentence huh ? so. our fella is french. our fella is a spy. our fella is a huge piece of shit. extremely common, alright ? outright overused archetype. eeeexcept that the combo's execution here REALLY stands out. how so ?

well, let me ask you a quick question. do you think the fact that he is french, and the fact that he is an evil bastard, and the fact that he is a spy are linked ?

well ill answer that for you. nope. valve treated these three traits remarkably separately. the way he speaks french in game is relatively polite, and the insults he throws around are, i checked, exclusively in english. he is surprisingly free of the usual way medias make "being evil" and "being french" be a hand in hand thing, and similarly free of the one that seems to indicate that Because you are french Of Course you are a spy. in other words, rather than being a walking glamour stereotype of sorts or an obnoxious asshole the likes of which we have seen hundreds of, this is a godawful guy that also happens to be a french snob, and that also happens to be a spy.

compare with, say, our lady mistral above who has a shitton of taunts in french, who embraces that whole sexy lady deal, deliberately plays on it and so on. difference is miles.

and now if you followed you did catch i said french snob rather than just french, there is a reason behind this, so allow me to get on part 2, which i promise will be WAY more verbose-

so

im not sure why but american medias love to have peppy rich french fashionistas in their shit. theyre cute, hyper, sheltered as fuck, and the entire deal is weird bc these people seem like aliens to actual french people who tend to care about fashion in pretty normal amounts and definitely do not have that many grands to bust into it. *yes* we pride ourselves in having a pretty neat fashion industry, but in a similar way as the american and the german boast about their cars. we are NOT obsessed with it okay. anyways, sometimes writers have the decency of making these characters cunts, but not always. but what doesnt vary is the trope seems to play out like ah yes, your average french- which is fucking baffling. and is the part taking us aback.

see, we HAVE the evil breed of those characters too in our shit. comedic shit, to be precise. a rundown of our humor is it often is situational humor - stupid outlandish situations with equally stupid archetypal characters, their personality equally pushed into the absurd, all of that more often than not thinly veiling some pretty heavy social commentary. in other words, you often laugh at the evil cop/rich factory/big restaurant owner/politician/etc getting karma'd in mind boggingly bizzare and hilarious ways, while clearly showing them as evil for mistreating subordinates (and often getting shit for it sooner or later) and as simpering cowards towards literally anyone who has any kind of superior position to them whatsoever.

in other words, context matters. where in american shit they are often allies or friends or comedic relief of sorts through being french/annoying or just villains, in french shit they more often than not are *targets* of some kind of events and shown to be ridiculous through other means than their obsession for fashion or whatever.

am i saying that valve did this ?

...yeah. thats a very bold statement, but yes. i mean, cmon,

see, i am overall basing this on the fact that ingame spy is so fucking similar to many, many, many of Louis de Funès' roles, and even his face, it outright had me searching around the wiki for some kind, any kind of claim of inspiration from valve-

he reads exactly as one of them ! rich cunt obsessed with money, constantly mocking people, constantly complaining about everything ever, fakely polite, not opposed to doing vile acts to have his way, extremely menacing face, *the same fucking laugh*, and the fact that characters played by this guy have remarkably often have what we call a couillon de fils, a dumbfuck of a loser ass son, if you will.

the only differences really are from comic spy, who reads far less like this. he's still well executed mind you, but he (especially @miss pauling) reads as far kinder than this dude's characters usually are, and he is a bit more... stretched, both physically and in behaviour, than the actor's goblin build and attitude, as game spy seems to be unable to stand straight whereas the comic one seems to have no difficulty with this, and the similar range of expressiveness that also ports 1:1 is game exclusive as well. and finally, comic spy also was not given the occasion to cuss people out, so.

anyways my point mostly amounts to, if you manage to make french people think of an emblematic actor beloved by many, rather than just make us go through the usual whiplash of "how is that a normal french person to american people ???", you are probably doing something right.

in addition to this wall of text, i am begging you all to watch this, it should help understand what i meant by our breed of humor, and what i mean by "spy could have been played by this dude no problem"

now, onto part 3,

well once you said he is a pathetic wet cat man you summed it up really.

for all the class he has, for all the money he has, for all the. everything ? he still is pathetic. he still is simply seen as a mean as fuck loser either trying to drown his failures as a father with expensive tastes, or simply amoral and unsympathetic because of his concerns being about money rather than about humans. he still is headcanoned as stinking by most of the fandom. nobody respects the fucken spy. he comes across as haughty and it only makes people want to shit on him some more.

really, it is pretty much everything I explained in the two points above. the patheticness helps with making it so he is not a stereotype, and it helps making it clear he is supposed to be representative of rich pretentious cunts rather than of french people.

so, he is a huge bitch, and ironically, this makes him a blorbo to us, bc who doesnt love a good ole flawed character ?

his whole french deal is not shown as eccentric or what makes him a loser but just a coincidence, in a sense. and you'd be surprised by how much of a breath of fresh air this is to french people. shitty in a realistic way rather than a made up clown, and in a way we can recognize in our own medias. it also is neat from the, err, fandom pov ? because you get to develop his frenchness and assholeness and spyness separately, since they are elements implemented for the sake of themselves rather than as a stereotypical whole. you get to have *fun* with him.

SO i think i ran out of things to blabber about. hope it makes sense tho. but i guess it really is about. not *quite* representation because we do not see ourselves in spy, of course, but way more about our culture not being bastardized and being turned into a joke about eccentrics at best, or hatred about seductive women and effeminate/homosexual men at worst, + having a fresh execution on tropes that else usually would get our eyes rolling.

alpha, over and out

[wonwoonlight]

📣: ex!Soonyoung // post break up! au // drunk yn // 1900~ words (lol) // [ft. friend!Junhui]

warning: alcohol, a lot of curses i guess, mc is v insecure and often put herself down T-T

- lowkey inspired by Let's Have a Drink by Gyeongseo and SunnysideMJ ^^

A/N: ah, been so long since i wrote angst and the only thought that came to me after this was: i AM getting rusty after all lol. anw, thank you for the request, anon! i ended up choosing hoshi and changed some things here and there, i hope thats okay ^^ enjoy and hopefully this isnt as bad as i thought it is jdhfbdjshbh

find the rest of requested drabble here

“Please let me take you home, hm?” Junhui asks you, which once again you refuse because you definitely don’t want to go home. Not when you’re just going to wallow in misery surrounded by Soonyoung’s traces. You’d rather be here, surrounded by strangers in a small bar down the street, and drink your ass off even though it means you’ll have to deal with being hungover the next morning—it’s better than having to deal with his memories.

Your friend looks at you in worry, it’s been almost three months since your break up with Soonyoung and he’s the main witness of you still not being able to function normally now that Soonyoung’s not on your side. As someone who genuinely cares about you, it’s more than concerning even though the drinking episode doesn’t happen often; just once in a while when the day has been extra shitty or your period is nearing (your words, not his).

He doesn’t even know what actually happened, just that you’ve called him in the middle of the night to say it’s over between you and Soonyoung. Junhui couldn’t come over, but he stayed on the phone with you until 4 in the morning. He still doesn’t know who called it off, you’ve just said it’s over and Junhui has never been one to prod when one doesn’t wish to talk.

Junhui has also never been one to meddle with other people’s relationships no matter how close he is with that person, which is why he’s just stayed neutral over the whole break up debacle. He still talks to Soonyoung even though there’s an obvious distance between the two of them compared to before.

Right now, he’s battling himself on whether or not to call Soonyoung here because he’s tired for you. He doesn’t mind looking after you, even believes that it’s his job as a friend to make sure you’re okay. But it’s getting harder to see his friend being miserable and not being able to do anything about it when he knows the source of the problem who will (hopefully) be able to put this misery to an end.

You’ve finished a bottle of soju on your own now, which means one or two shots away from your maximum capacity.

“Let me make a call real quick, okay?” he decides in the end, and you just nod at him before you slurp on your ramyeon. If you’re being honest, there’s no difference between being miserable here and at home. After all, this bar used to be your go-to place with Soonyoung when it’s evening and the both of you felt like eating out. If there’s a place that reminds you of him more than your place, it’s definitely this bar.

You smile sadly at the memory, pouring yourself another shot of soju before you down it in one go. You wince at the bitterness, coughing a little to yourself. Why is Junhui not back yet? You shrug to yourself, eating your ramyeon again just so your drink won’t be going into your system by itself.

After another shot or two (or was it three? You don’t know anymore.), the chair in front of you is pulled out again and you almost fall out of your seat when you look up to see Soonyoung there, looking awkward but also worried. That doesn’t make sense. You’ve had too much drink again, haven’t you? Your brain must’ve mistaken Junhui for Soonyoung because of the alcohol.

“Hey, Junhui,” you say with a lazy grin, and ‘Junhui’ doesn’t say anything, simply looks at your tired smile and the growing dark circles under your eyes. “I must’ve drunk too much. You look like Soonyoung now.”

He just tilts his head to the side, but you continue speaking because you’re too drunk to shut up and you can’t stop giggling because, fuck, you’ve missed Soonyoung so much that his image is manifested in front of you right now when you know for sure it’s Junhui who’s sitting there.

“You must’ve been sick of me by now, right?” you giggle to yourself, though you really do feel bad for Junhui because he’s been taking care of you since that day. “I’m sorry for troubling you a lot these days. Thank you for always being with me, though.”

Your friend still doesn’t say anything, but you figure you’re much too emotional now to care and you just want to express your gratitude while you’re at it. “It’s just… I know you see firsthand it’s been hard for me, but I never expect it to be this hard. It’s… it’s actually me who asked to break up, you know? Which is very stupid because I’m the miserable one when Soonyoung’s very happy by himself and—tell you what, maybe it’s not that stupid, after all. If… if he’s happier without me then it means I made a good decision leaving him, right?”

Junhui moves to sit beside you to help you sit up, because you definitely don’t have it in you to hold yourself up now and you just want to be embarrassingly miserable. One of his arms go around you for support and, if you’re not sure before, you’re 100% sure you’re drunk now because Junhui feels like Soonyoung and even smells like him.

And because you’re not currently right in the head, you decide to lean into his touch because you miss him so much even though this is just a fragment of your imagination. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll get better after this because you finally cave in to your longing towards him. You can feel one of his hands cradles your head, placing it on his shoulder and the other rubs your back.

“I… didn’t even tell him why I wanted to end it,” you sniff to yourself as tears pool in your eyes, Junhui deserves to know even if it’s months too late after putting up with you until this very day. “Just told him I wanted to break up and then I blocked him everywhere just in case I’d call him out of nowhere. He... he tried knocking on my doors a few times but I had to pretend like I wasn’t home until he eventually stopped.”

“Why?” his voice is soft, so soft that you almost didn’t hear it if it’s not because you’re literally leaning on his shoulder. Fuck, he even sounds like Soonyoung now.

“You know Shinji, right? From his class?” you ask, not even waiting for him to answer before you continue. “I… overheard her talk about Soonyoung and how he’s too good for me. That she’d make a better partner for him, and he’d probably get bored with me after a while and it’s just… it hits me, you know? That she’s probably right. That he should’ve been with someone who fits him and that’s not me and I—"

“Ssshh,” he moves you to his chest as you choke on your words, tears falling down your face from recalling all the self-loathing thoughts you’ve been holding against yourself even from before the Shinji episode. It’s been some time since you’ve gotten insecure about yourself, and all of it is for you to blame because Soonyoung never did anything that might suggest he’s not satisfied with who you are.

On the contrary, he’s always tried his best to remind you he loved you all the same no matter what. And even though you believed him, your inner demon wouldn’t stop at that and Shinji, easily one of the most gorgeous girls you’ve ever seen in your life, saying those words out of her mouth only trapped you further into those thoughts.

“Hey, I’m here. It’s okay,” his voice is so sogentle, one that you’re familiar with though you’re still convinced your head is messing with you. There’s no way Soonyoung is here with you when you’ve one-sidedly broken up with him without any actual explanation. “Angel, come on. Look at me, hm?”

Your head snap up at the petname, pretty sure Junhui would never say that to you. You probably look like a mess now, eyes red and puffy with tears streaming down your face, but the man in front you doesn’t seem to mind. He just smiles a little as his hand wipes your tears, his own heart hurting at the sight of you.

“S—Soonyoung?” you shakily call his name, because it can’t be him. It just can’t.

“Yes, it’s me,” he nods, and, even through your blurry vision, you can tell that there’s a sad smile in his face. His hands move to cup your face, wiping the remaining tears from your face. Oh, how he misses to be this close to you. “Should I take you home?”

You shake your head, still not believing he’s here, let alone offering to take you home. “W—why are you here?”

Soonyoung mumbles something along the line of ‘would you even remember if I tell you?’, but he proceeds to say Junhui has finally called him because he’s too worried to let you be any longer. “So, please, let me take you home, okay?”

“B—but why?”

“Because you’re too drunk and couldn’t even differentiate me and Junhui earlier?”

“No, I—I mean,” you try to speak through your hiccups. “Why would you want to take me home? Y—you should hate me after what I did.”

He sighs at your question, absolutely convinced you wouldn’t even remember his reason even if he tells you. He feels something squeezing his heart at your hoarse voice, at your soft hiccups, at your tired eyes and the way you’re talking as if he shouldn’t be taking care of you.

He knows you’ve always been a harsh judge towards your own self, though he never thinks it was to this extend. To think you even said it was a good decision to leave him because he lookshappier when you’re like this… he can’t even be mad, just plain sad and maybe a little wronged. But mostly, he just wants to clear things up when you’re sober.

When Junhui has called him earlier, he’d never think it’d be because of this. But he’s glad he did, because he’s actually been meaning to reach out to you again and see if you’ll finally tell him what went wrong that day—that maybe it was just a mistake that he could’ve prevented. And, even though he practically has got the answer now, he’d still rather talk about it again when you’re not like this.

After persuading you some more, you eventually agree to let him take you home. His arm around your waist to help you walk, but only because you refuse to get on to his back. He’s very glad to find your passcode is still the same, because he’s pretty sure you would take 5 more minutes to put in the right code otherwise.

Once you’re on your room—gosh, he’s missed being here so much—you wouldn’t let go of his hand after he’s tucked you into your blanket. “No, don’t let go.”

He smiles a little at your voice, weren’t you the one who said he shouldn’t be taking care of you earlier?

“I’m not going anywhere, alright?”

“Lies,” you say softly, though there’s no venom in your voice because you just sound downright dejected which hurts Soonyoung more than he thinks possible. “You’d probably be gone when I wake up. You’re just an imagination, after all.”

“I’ll be here,” he promises, kissing the back of your hand as a seal even though you're already drifted off to sleep. There’s no way he’s letting you go again after tonight.

[that-one-weeb-but-starwars]

They met in the rain| Hunter

Note: god I love this one, also RIP grammar I did this on my phone on a farm

Warnings: mentions of basically space pornhub but nothing really explicit, Hunter figuring out what his sexuality is and making very unreasonable conclusions because hes basically scared bc well I do that too

Reader: male

Masterlist

Hunter stood under the oning. The rain heavy and droplets big. A asortment of marigolds in his hand looking for the girl he was ment to meet, he himself dressed up in polished armour, he didnt have many chlothes to choose from so polished and clean armour seemed the best option.

Yet the more he waited the more disappointed he became, and hour later no one showed up, two hours later still no one. He sighed.

Why?

"Hey! Mind me taking a spot next to you?" A man asked rushing under the oning.

Hunter nodded as the man stood next to him hair once done nice soaked and stuck to his face his chlothes soaked. It was quiet between the two.

"You okay?" Y/n called over the rain.

"Huh?" Hunter questioned, "I'm. Fine."

Y/n frowned, "You don't seem very fine."

Hunter sighed, "date stand you up too?"

Y/n chuckled, "yeah. Yeah he did."

"He?" Hunter questioned Y/n sighed.

"Yeah. He." Y/n spoke, "he was a real smooth talker too."

Hunter let out a low laugh, "seems we had the same problem."

Y/n looked back seeing a bench, sitting himself down Hunter looked back, Y/n patting the spot next to him. Hunter sat down flowers besides him.

"What's your name?" Hunter questioned.

"Y/n." He smiled, "you?"

"Hunter."

Y/n nodded, "you're a clone, a...Sargeant am I correct?"

Hunter looked over at him a bit shocked, "uh, yeah."

"I had a good friend that was a clone. He went missing a while ago. Taught me everything I know today." Y/n spoke.

"What was his name?" Hunter questioned.

"Kix." Y/n spoke.

"You were a republic medic." Hunter responded.

Y/n nodded, "you knew kix?"

"Not much we did one mission together." Hunter admitted, "loyal to his brothers."

Y/n nodded, it becoming silent between the two, Hunter felt good, someone that understood his struggle of being an outside besides him.

"So. When did you start dating guys?" Hunter blurted out causing Y/n's head to turn, "Wait! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that-"

"No. No." Y/n laughed, "its okay. You know Kix asked me that exact way, think it confused him a little bit at first as I was dating a female twilek just before hand,"

"Oh." Hunter spoke quietly, "You...you can date both?"

"Um. Yeah." Y/n spoke, "why not?"

"Dating anybody wasnt really allowed in the GAR. Especially-"

"Within clone ranks. Right." Y/n spoke, "I kind of forget about that stuff sometimes...this was your first date then?"

Hunter nodded, Y/n frowning, stood up on his first date. Wow.

"Right now Im thinking it would of been better to ask you out rather than her." Hunter spoke with a nervous smile but then immediately started to correct himself, "Well! Not- It's not, I"

"Its okay. Really." Y/n smiled, " Dating is hard."

Hunter looked away from him and down at his hands. His mind running through the conversation over and over, Y/n dated a man and a woman, and seemed perfectly happy with it. He felt dirty for even dating a woman, sure clones had...needs, but he had always taken care of them himself. Hunter wouldnt lie, when he had to take care of his needs with a video or two to help. He found himself gazing in a different direction each and every time. It mostly started with females dominating over males, then leaned towards men being well- pegged. He found it okay, it was still a woman and man, just different. Then he had found male on male videos, the idea of someone ontop of him in such a way made his climaxs much more intense the idea of someone grabbing his face and making him look up at him with such deep and mysterious eyes made with a strong grip of a males hand made him go crazy. But well. He had brothers.

What were they going to think? And Omega? That little girl who has his heart, a daughter in his eyes. What would she think? That he was gross? That he was werid? That he would try and advance on his brothers? Unreasonable things had started going through his head. But he always seemed to boil them down to just fantasies. Something that would never have, like a dream. That would be until he seen a man at Cid's bar, sure a girl on each arm a firm grip on there waist as he was obviously wealthy, but that didn't matter, his eyes were a a crazy purple color, his voice was smooth and deep, and well. He...he was mind blowing to Hunter. The man walked up to them, taller than Hunter, and a deep chuckle on his words as he explained the job he wanted done. Hunter luckily managed to cover his red ears with his bandanna and act normal.

Thats not what he wanted, a flirt? Sure a bit. But he wanted a relationship, a loving partner and as cliche as he thought it was he wanted a story book romance. He found himself even more in a pickle when he started looking at both women and men in the same light. Confused and conflicted he shut himself off, any one to advance him for such a relationship or act he turned away or walked away before he could be asked.

But this girl? Man was she the one. She'd come to cids bar to ask just for him, bring the boys the cookies and all, he thought they had something, but he supposed not. Not a comn link chatter, or a woman in sight. Just him and Y/n, sitting on a bench with then rain infront of them.

"Hey? You-"

"Go on a date with me." Hunter blurted out once again, his body even leaning forward toward Y/n in such a way.

Y/n blinked in confusion, "Im. I'm sorry." He laughed a bit out of shock.

Hunter retracted back, Y/n quickly stopping his by grabbing his hand.

"Hey,wait you just shocked me is all. You were all quiet for a mintue there." Y/n told him, Hunter's face and ears red.

"I. Im sorry." Hunter told, he was never this shy, stuttering in such ways.

"Am I your first male date?" Y/n questioned Hunter just nodded Y/n smiling smally.

"I'm honored, and would love to go on a date with you." Y/n smiled, "how about we go now?"

Y/n stood up Hunter's hand in his picking him up to his feet.

"Come on! We can go to a caf shop! Or watch a holo movie!" Y/n tried to pursuade.

"Now?" Hunter questioned.

Y/n nodded, "I think we're both free and dressed for the occasion anyways."

Hunter chuckled, it felt good to laugh and Y/n smiled.

"Yeah. Let's do it."

Y/n smiled, "lets go then! Come on! A new Vemon holo just came out!"

Hunter laughed as they went hand in hand running down the street to tried and pass the rain as quick as possible.

Hunter was glad, he had found someone who made him genuinely happy in such a hard time. Someone that understood him to a degree. Someone as simple as a stranger, and if others didnt like it well, who cared? Many people never cared about clones anyways. Hunter felt safe hand in hand with this man he had met in the rain.