#but my anxiety is eating me alive and I won’t feel ok until I hear from you

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[satoruvt]

for now; forever

pairing → kwon soonyoung x reader

word count → 9015

genre → mostly fluff, angst ↳ tags: ooh boy. firewatch au, banter, like a little bit (a lot) of pining, strangers to friends to… something, FLIRTING, reader’s kinda fucked up but its ok, hoshi’s weird and endearing (as always), a tiny bit of hurt/comfort, minghao best boy, soonyoung is very sweet it makes me want to cry

synopsis → after an unfortunate burnout that lands you in every critic’s negative and all-seeing eye, you decide to take a break from the one thing you know. you’re not sure if you’ll find what you’re looking for out in the middle of the woods - if you’re looking for anything at all - but at the very least, soonyoung will make the hunt a little less lonely.

warnings → there’s eventually a forest fire (starts on day 64 and is mentioned throughout the rest of the fic) that leads to an evacuation but it’s not super detailed, mentions and descriptions of creative burnout/breakdown

a/n → IT’S FINALLY HERE!!! i made a fancy banner nd everything <3 i know 9k isn’t a lot to some people but this is probably the longest one shot i’ve ever written LMAOO so i hope it’s paced ok and everything <33 PLEASE let me know what yall thought about this i am insanely proud of it. ok thats it hehe. hope you enjoy!!! see u on the other side!!!!

btw here’s a fun playlist of songs i listened to while writing mixed with some songs i think reflect the fic super well <33

DAY ONE.

So. You’re… out here, now.

Save for the bugs you have to swat at every fifteen seconds, the outdoors doesn’t seem that bad. The weather isn’t too hot (yet, your mind reminds you) and there’s something about the color of the sky that makes your heart constrict in your chest. You can’t tell if it’s good or bad, but given your luck recently, you’re hoping it’s not a warning for the coming months - God knows you need a break. The weight of the journal in your bag feels heavier than any of the camping gear you brought with you.

You debate texting Minghao that you’ve made it to the park safely, but when you check your phone after deciding yes, you see the words no service instead of the familiar lines of a signal. It’s not that big of a deal - you’d told him when you left that you probably wouldn’t have service at all - but a little part of you feels the tender shake of anxiety at the thought of not being able to contact your best friend. 

He was the most worried out of everyone when you told him you were leaving for the summer. You can’t really blame him - it was abrupt, you saw the flyer at the grocery store and took it - but after what happened… doing something felt, feels, better than sitting around and waiting for nothing to happen. Waiting for a healing you aren’t sure will ever come, at least not completely.

“Is this really…” Minghao had started upon first entering your apartment after getting your text. Clothes were thrown all over your bedroom floor in an attempt to pack. “Do you need to do this?”

The tone of his voice told you he wasn’t going to try to stop you, that he just wanted to make sure this was what you needed. You had only nodded, sitting down on the edge of your bed to fold clothes and pack them into your suitcase.

“I just don’t want you to run away from it all,” Minghao said softly, sitting next to you. “You’ll need to face it eventually.”

“Is escaping really such a bad thing?” You asked, looking at Minghao. He gave you the look he did when you said something stupid, and if you weren’t still so wired from everything, you might have laughed. Instead, you sighed, placing a pair of pants into your suitcase. “I just need some time.”

Before you can face it, before you can come back, before you can write again… you still don’t know. Minghao had placed a kind hand on your shoulder to tell you there was no rush.

It’d taken no more than two days for you to get everything ready - including buying some apparently necessary survival equipment from Target. In a matter of a few hours you had gathered everything up, texted some other friends and your family that you might not be available the next few months and then… you left. 

(Your manager was pretty pissed off that you left so suddenly, but she was also pissed off at you when you told her you needed a break for at least a few weeks, so you’re not really offended.)

You take one last longing look at your car before locking it, pocketing the keys, and starting on your hike.

The hike takes almost the whole day. 

You think you almost cry when you finally see the watch tower you’re supposed to be staying in, your legs barely able to hold the rest of your body up. The hike wasn’t hard, really - long, though, and for someone who usually spends a work day sitting at a desk, you’re surprised you’re still alive. You find the little lock that holds the keys to the tower at the bottom of the stairs, fastened onto the railing. It takes a few seconds for you to enter the code you’d been given earlier, relishing in the soft breeze the cools the sweat on your face and neck. The sun is just barely starting to set beyond the mountains, a beautiful sight that you can’t properly focus on because all you want to do is pass out. You’re pretty sure you almost do on your way up the stairs.

The cabin at the top of the tower is pretty scarcely furnished, save for a few basic necessities (a gas stove rests on one wall, a small desk opposite to it by the door, a mini-fridge, and a bed in the corner plus what looks like a map table in the center of the room). It’s a little weird, a feeling caught between the nostalgia of moving into a new place and something you can’t quite name, but you figure you have a few months to make it all a little more comfortable.

For now, though, you feel like you’re on the last leg of your energy. Your mind is saying eat, sleep, eat, sleep on repeat and you have to agree with it, so you change the sheets on the bed, take down the boards over the windows while you wait for the macaroni from the Kraft box to cook. You end up eating a few forkfuls of poorly-made mac and cheese before crashing.

When you wake up, it’s to gentle static and a semi-clear, unfamiliar voice. It takes you a minute to remember where you are and what you’re doing, too disoriented to even think about the voice, but then - oh. Forest. Watch tower. Escape. Okay.

“Yo, Cottonwood! Am I coming through okay? Pick up your radio!”

Right. The voice. Radio?

“Come on, I saw you get in yesterday, I know you’re there. Unless,” a gasp, “you died! Oh my God, this is like a horror movie… and I’m next!”

You manage to wake up enough to locate your radio (a walkie-talkie resting on a charger on the desk) and, after a few seconds of gentle struggle, work it. “Not dead,” you say, then clear your throat because your voice does not sound good right after waking up. “I mean… almost. But not dead.”

There’s barely a moment of hesitation before the person on the other end hoots, apparently excited. “Arisen from the dead! Brought back to life by none other than the legendary Hoshi!”

A brief thought crosses your mind about having to listen to this guy all summer, but you quickly shoo it away. You won’t have to deal with it for the whole three months, right? “Who… who is Hoshi?”

“Me!” The voice answers, sounding a little too smug. “But it’s really just an alias. You can call me Soonyoung. I’m at Twin Peaks tower, west of yours!”

You spin around your cabin, looking through the windows cluelessly - how long have you been asleep, it’s practically afternoon - until you see a very small silhouette of another tower in the distance. You nod, then realize Soonyoung can’t see you. “Oh. Cool.”

“Aren’t you gonna tell me your name?” Soonyoung asks, but his tone is light, breezy. You blink, reciting your name to him in a daze. “Pretty! So, what brings you out here?”

You weren’t expecting that question. “What?”

Soonyoung giggles into the radio. “Everyone comes out here for some reason. Like… Jihoon says it’s ‘cause it helps him write music. And Joshua loves the outdoors, so… what’s your reason?”

“You…” you start, not exactly wanting to tell a stranger the reason you ran away from everything you know. “Do you normally ask this many questions?”

“Yeah!”

You feel yourself sigh, already tired again.

“I… just wanted to get away for a while,” you end up saying. A half-truth. “I live in the city.”

“No way,” Soonyoung gasps excitedly. “Me too! I wonder if both of us have ever been walking and, like, passed each other without knowing…”

This isn’t exactly what you had in mind when you thought of escaping.

DAY TWO.

The next morning, you dedicate time to getting a little more settled into your home for the next few months. You didn’t bring a lot of decor - you didn’t think you needed any - but even seeing your blanket on the bed and a few books you need to catch up on reading stacked on the desk makes the place feel a little bit more like you. You eventually reach the journal you packed (that Minghao made you pack) and stare at it like it might do something. Like it might tell you to write again, or like it might tell you to leave everything behind. You don’t really know what you want from it.

A sing-songed version of your name comes from your radio and you blink away from the journal, set it down on the desk. “Good morning!” Soonyoung says from the other end, and you feel yourself take a deep breath as you pick up your radio and press down the button so he can hear you.

“Morning, Soonyoung,” you respond, calm compared to his excitement. 

“So… what are your plans for today?”

“Um,” you pause, brows furrowed, looking towards the direction of his tower even though you know he can’t see you. “Looking out for fires?”

“That’s boring,” is Soonyoung’s immediate response, and you laugh a little.

“Kinda my job for a while.”

And listen, you’ve known Soonyoung for less than a full 24 hours, but even before your brain really comprehends what he’s saying you know you’re not going to like it. “Wait, that reminds me,” he says, tone of his voice a little less overexcited puppy. “What did you do before this? Or, like, what’s your career? I mean, you don’t have to answer, I just thought it could be a way for us to get to know each other…”

His voice fades away for the split second you remember a little too much all at once, but somehow your voice still sounds put together when you speak. “Nothing special,” you say. There’s a pause when you don’t elaborate any further, but instead of asking about it, Soonyoung changes the subject.

“Okay!” he says, back to a more playful tone. “Anyways, I asked about your plans ‘cause I kind of need you to do something for me.”

“Already asking favors?” you tease. “We just met, Soonyoung.”

You hear him laugh, loud and hearty, and it’s contagious even through a radio line so you feel your own smile pull at your lips. “One of the other lookouts found some teenagers with fireworks,” he informs you. “I need you to meet him and get the fireworks from him.”

Your feet are already in your shoes, one halfway tied. “You can’t do this?”

Soonyoung’s voice is strangely thoughtful, but you catch a hint of mischief at the end of his sentence. “I would, but Jihoonie said he’d eat me if I tried to see him again and I think he’s serious this time.”

He tells you where the other lookout - Jihoon - should be and gives you a quick lesson on how to properly use your map to get there. You’re not really excited for another hike this early on (you’re still sore from even getting up here) but by the time you meet the halfway mark you’re convinced it’s not that bad. It’s neither long nor challenging, and… well, Soonyoung’s insistent on keeping you company the whole time. 

When you see what looks like a guy at the edge of a now-abandoned camp, you tell Soonyoung you’ll radio him when you’re on your way back to your tower. “Hey,” you call out as you get closer. The man looks up at you, his eyes sharp but not unkind. “Jihoon?”

“Yeah,” he replies. Under his cap you notice that his hair is a gentle silver, almost purple. He’s dressed casually, like you, and you suppose it’s a given since there’s no exact dress code for this job.  “You’re the newbie?”

You didn’t know people knew about you. “I.. I guess,” you say, then tell him your name.

“Cool,” Jihoon says, voice flat like he’s distracted. He picks up the bag next to his feet and hands it to you. “Take these. Thanks.”

He starts to walk away, down a trail opposite the direction you came, but you think of earlier, when Soonyoung asked about your job (or when he didn’t). You call after Jihoon, hesitate, but then opt to make this quick since he looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here. “Have you and Soonyoung… known each other for long?”

Jihoon turns around. He shrugs, then nods. “We met in college, a few years ago.”

“What kind of person is he?”

You watch in vague amusement as Jihoon’s nose scrunches up, but the small smile on his face refuses to hide and it makes you giggle. “Really annyoing,” he tells you, then pauses for a second like he’s looking for the right words, “kind of overwhelming sometimes. But he’s good. He’s someone you want around.”

Someone you want around, your brain repeats to you. You nod with a friendly smile as you haphazardly stuff the fireworks in your hiking bag. “Okay. Thank you.”

Jihoon offers an acknowledging nod of his own before continuing on his way back to his tower. You’re about five minutes into your hike back to yours when your radio sounds from your pocket with a now-familiar voice.

“Are you on your way back?” Soonyoung asks. “You forgot to tell me!”

“Sorry, yeah, I am now. I was talkin’ to Jihoon for a second.”

“Really? That’s weird. He rarely talks to anyone, especially strangers. What’d you talk about?”

You can’t help the small smile that lands on your face as you speak. “Stuff to blackmail you with.”

You think you hear Soonyoung’s groan all the way from his tower, and your smile only grows when it turns into a laugh.

DAY FIVE.

The clouds look dark today.

They haven’t covered the sun completely yet, but they’re closing in fast. You hope that it rains, already sick and tired of the disgusting heat, but also. Something else.

Rainy days always used to be the best to write, your brain supplies to you. You brave a glance at the still-unopened journal on the desk, thinking that maybe…

Your radio turning on drags you away from the crack in metaphorical door, coming at the perfect time as if to tell you that you’re not ready yet. You listen to it, grab the radio, murmur a greeting to Soonyoung.

“It’s getting pretty dark out, huh?” He says. He must be looking at the sky, too.

“Yeah,” you hum. “Hopefully the storm isn’t too bad.”

The line goes quiet, but you know that Soonyoung’s still there even if he isn’t saying anything. The knowledge comforts you, just a little.

“Well... got any rainy day stories?”

DAY SEVENTEEN.

“So, Soonyoung,” you call into your radio as you step outside. You’ve taken advantage of the small balcony around the entire cabin, setting up a few chairs you found in the storage unit at the bottom of the tower (just in case someone stops by, you tell yourself) and a small table you weren’t using inside. The nights are hot but still relaxing, and you find yourself sitting outside often, catching up on reading or taking in the stars. 

“I can’t believe you radioed me first,” Soonyoung responds, and you hear the smugness in his voice. “I’m so happy!”

Soonyoung somehow almost always manages to be with you in the nights, too, even if not physically. Being away from the urban civilization you’re used to has been a little difficult to adjust to, but you feel significantly less alone whenever you hear him calling you. You tell him to be quiet even though both of you are laughing. The distant crickets make your chest warm.

“What do you do? You didn’t tell me before,” You ask him after a second. There’s a small wave of anxiety that rushes over you at the idea that he might call you out about when he asked you the same thing. That was two weeks ago, though, you think, and Soonyoung wouldn’t. You’re sure he’s been able to tell that it’s a touchy subject. You’re not as discreet as you think you are, even if (and you’ve learned this the past few weeks) Soonyoung’s a bit more on the oblivious side sometimes.

“I dance!” 

Somehow, despite having not even seen what he looks like, it’s fitting. “Like… teach, or choreograph, or…”

“A little of everything,” Soonyoung tells you, and then starts elaborating. His voice echoes through your radio and you look up at the stars as you listen to him, trying to map out constellations from memory. He sounds so excited to simply talk about it, you can’t imagine what he must look like when he’s actually on stage. You hope you get to see it one day.

“You’ll have to teach me something sometime,” you say once he’s finished, voicing your thoughts. With a giggle that sounds like the stars above you, he tells you he’d love to.

A moment of quiet passes, spent focusing on the tiny specks of fireflies you see in the field around your tower and feeling the summer breeze as it passes. The words slip out of your mouth with much less resistance than you thought they would.

“I used to write,” you murmur into your radio. It takes you a moment to register the heavy beat of your heart, like you just got back from a run.

“Used to?” Soonyoung asks, curious but soft.

“For now,” you answer. The ache you’ve become familiar with throbs in your chest. “Hopefully not forever.”

It’s not the whole story - not even close - but you figure you might be able to tell him with time. The thought stresses you out even when you have nothing to stress about, and you think Soonyoung is psychic because he says, next, “the stars are really pretty tonight.”

You’re not looking at the sky when you answer. Your head is tilted in the direction of his tower. 

“They really are,” you say.

DAY THIRTY-THREE.

You’ve fallen into a bit of a routine with Soonyoung. 

Not a day goes by where you don’t talk to him - the one day you radioed and he didn’t pick up you genuinely thought something happened to him, seconds away from calling a park ranger. Right before you actually did it, though, he picked up his radio and said he had been taking a nap.

(His voice was a little groggy from sleep, sounded like he was pouting whether he meant to or not and you’d be lying if you said the thought didn’t make your heart skip a few beats - but if anyone asked, you’d definitely lie about it.)

One of you calls the other around the same time every morning and you don’t put down your radio until the sun is well behind the mountains. You’ve grown used to his presence, in a way, even if you can’t really feel him with you (though sometimes you swear you can). It’s comforting to have him out there with you, and it’s been so long since you’ve talked to someone the way you do with Soonyoung… you find yourself looking forward to every morning, waiting for when you hear him over your radio.

Today is no different.

Well, in an unrelated way, it is - you have to hike to a supply box to get your surplus of food for the next month and a half you have left. But even as you’re doing inventory of what you have left in your cabin on a piece of paper, you’re waiting for Soonyoung’s usual good morning. It comes as always, makes you smile when you hear it.

“Good morning!” 

You leave your scratch paper on your desk and reach for your radio. “Morning,” you say after you’ve pressed the button down. 

“So…” Soonyoung trails off. “Supply drop day.”

“Yeah,” you reply, sitting on your bed.

“Both of us are getting crates of food today…”

What is he getting at? “Uh-huh…?”

“Both of us… getting supplies… from the same place.”

A confused laugh leaves your lips. “Soonyoung, what is your point?”

Even for as often as you talk to him, you’re still always surprised when he starts yelling. “Let’s meet up!” he exclaims, obviously excited, and it clicks in your head.

“Oh my God, can we do that?” 

“Yeah!” Soonyoung sounds like he’s grinning, smile palpable in his voice. “If we pull some strings with the other lookouts and get hiking at the right time, it’s totally possible.”

Holy shit. Your heart is beating wildly, butterflies swarming around it at the thought of meeting Soonyoung in person. “Okay,” you tell him, noting that you sound a little breathless. “Okay, yeah, let’s do it.”

It takes a few minutes to work everything out - the supply boxes should be dropped off by midday, so you can leave your tower around then and get to the drop location in a little over an hour. Soonyoung has to leave earlier than you since he’s farther away, but if everything goes well the two of you should get to the drop location close to the same time, margin of error small. You radio Jihoon to cover for you while you’re out, and he agrees, although he sounds a bit miffed.

When you finally leave for your hike, you’re not expecting how quiet it is. Soonyoung’s usually there to cover it up with his voice - you don’t hike often (you’ve not had to, given your job for the summer is to watch for fires) but whenever you have he’s been there to keep you company. You plug in your earphones about halfway through your trip just to drown out the quiet, something more to listen to than just trees and the sound of your own footsteps.

Eventually you make it to the supply box, and, well. There’s a guy. Standing in front of a long, green box - you think you see lookout tower names engraved ever few inches: Thorofare, Cottonwood, Twin Peaks. Packing some ready-to-eat meals into his backpack.

Holy shit, Soonyoung? your brain automatically asks, and it sends your heart spiraling up and down. You’re not sure what you thought he looked like, but it wasn’t this. Tall, lean - wait, you don’t even know if this is actually him yet.

Before you can think too much about it, you call out, voice tentative. “Are you… Soonyoung?”

The man turns around, shakes his head with a kind smile. “No,” he says. “I’m Joshua.”

You think about throwing yourself into the river by your tower when you get back for absolutely no reason. Somehow you manage a polite smile and a gentle sorry.

“No, don’t apologize, you’re fine!” Joshua chirps, adjusting the cap on his head. “You’re looking for him?”

You pause. Those aren’t the exact words you would use, but they’re not technically wrong, so you nod. After all, you don’t know what he looks like (you probably should have asked him before both of you left, but you weren’t expecting another person to be here).

“Please don’t tell me he got lost again,” Joshua says, suddenly looking tired, and you look back at him wide-eyed because... again? Has this happened before?

“No,” you tell him. “No, I mean, I don’t think so. I don’t know. Since we both have to pick up supplies he thought it’d be cool if we met up in person.”

Joshua sighs, seemingly relieved, then continues packing what’s left of his supplies into his backpack as he hums. “That’s weird.”

“What is?”

He shrugs. “Soonyoung likes the outdoors, yeah, but the supply box is a pretty far hike from his tower. I think the last few summers he’s had them delivered.”

Oh, you think, and maybe say out loud, because then Joshua’s looking back at you, a mischievous smile on his face. 

“He must really like you to come all the way out here,” he tells you, and you laugh like it might get rid of all the thoughts popping up in your mind that you keep telling yourself to stop thinking about.

“And yet,” you say wistfully, looking towards the horizon. “I still come second to Jihoon.”

This time Joshua laughs, a friendly sound, and the two of you fall into a playful conversation. He’s somewhat a superior of yours, though not by a far gap - as the lookout who’s been on the job the longest, he oversees the rest of you (which is you, Soonyoung, Jihoon, and a few others you have yet to come across). You get along with him easily and it’s weird to think that if you hadn’t gone through what you did a few months ago you wouldn’t be here talking to him, establishing what could be a new friendship. You wonder if that’s a new step towards healing, finding a way to be grateful even if it was horrible.

You talk to Joshua for a while until he says he should get back to his tower. You nod, tell him goodbye (and thanks for his company) and he starts to walk away -

“Shua!”

A burst of platinum blonde hair rushes past you from the opposite direction you came from, heading for Joshua. The new guy drops a bag at his feet and almost softly crashes into Joshua, who has this look on his face you can’t really decipher.

“Hey, Soonyoung,” he says, and you blink.

Soonyoung, like… your Soonyoung? The Soonyoung you’ve been talking to for weeks?

You watch as the two hug, Soonyoung excited to see Joshua and completely ignoring you (though you’re not sure he’s doing it intentionally). All you can do is stand there. This is him, your brain keeps telling you. This is the guy.

“I haven’t seen you in forever!” Soonyoung exclaims, bouncing on the balls of his feet excitedly. “How are you? How have things been?”

Joshua shrugs, a small smile on his face as he puts a gentle hand on Soonyoung’s head and starts… petting. “I’ve been good, same old deal. I know that you’ve been doing good too, though, as far as I’ve seen from your reports.”

Soonyoung beams at the praise and you take note of it in the back of your mind (you also note the way Joshua’s treating him like a toddler and how it’s working). He opens his mouth to say something else but looks around and meets your eyes - for a second there’s nothing at all, but then you think you see an exclamation mark actually pop above his head.

The yell of your name is so loud it makes you jump. “Oh my God,” Soonyoung whines, falling to his knees dramatically. “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you!”

“This is the first time you’ve seen me,” you say. You can’t seem to hold back your smile.

Joshua excuses himself (again) and finally moves on his way, says he’s in Thorofare lookout if anything happens. The sun is mellow on your skin as you look at Soonyoung, take him in - light hair, warm eyes, tan skin. His smile matches your own. A breeze shifts by, slow and sweet.

“Hi,” you say.

Soonyoung grins.

“Hey.”

-

So the bag you saw Soonyoung drop on the ground before was, in fact, for a picnic.

He didn’t bring a lot of food (the whole point of the hike was to get supply boxes anyways) aside from a few candy bars he’d saved for today. He did bring a blanket, however, and the two of you set everything up on the edge of a rock not too far away from the drop location, under some trees. It looks over a small ravine, a stream cutting through at the bottom. 

The time goes by like it was never there in the first place, spent talking and laughing. Soonyoung is just as animated in person as you thought he’d be, telling stories wildly as the two of you snack away a portion of your supplies. You know the two of you don’t have much time together, given how late it already was when Soonyoung arrived and both of your hikes back to your respective towers, but it’s still… refreshing, almost, to be with him like this, to finally get a piece of him you didn’t before. To hear him without the crackle of the radio and to see him.

To see him.

Something stirs in your chest when you look at him lying back on the blanket, arms supporting his head with his eyes closed. The sun lights up his skin in a golden glow, like honey, and the dark roots growing into his blonde hair are somehow endearing. The breath leaves your lungs when you finally label him as pretty. You hope you can blame the heat in your cheeks on the sun.

“I wish we could stay like this forever,” Soonyoung sighs, still not opening his eyes. You almost reach out to brush the hair away from his face, but a breeze comes by and does it for you. You hope it’s not a sign.

“It would be nice, huh,” you murmur in response. You finally break your gaze from Soonyoung and lean back on your hands, soaking up the feeling of the blue sky.

It’s now that you remember what Joshua had said earlier about Soonyoung usually getting his supplies delivered, and you turn back to him. “Hey, before you got to the supply box, Joshua and I were talking.” Soonyoung hums in acknowledgement. “Is the hike from your tower to here really that bad?”

His voice strains as he stretches, opening his eyes to look at you. “I mean, yeah, it’s a bitch of a hike to take sometimes. But it’s not really hard except for a few spots, just long.”

You furrow your brows. When you agreed to meet him, you didn’t think it’d be this much trouble for him. “And you came all this way so we could… what, sit here and eat? Like we do most of the time anyways? Just separately?”

Soonyoung pouts at you and you feel personally attacked. “Food tastes good when you’re with other people.”

You give him a soft, semi-playful glare, and Soonyoung offers a small giggle. You turn back towards the view in front of you.

“Did you not want me to come down?” He asks, and he doesn’t sound… sad, really, more observant. Like he wants to know where you’re at.

“No,” you answer almost immediately (Jesus, your brain says). “I just… it’s a long trip. It doesn’t really seem like it’s worth the effort.”

Like I’m worth the effort, you think to yourself. 

You hear Soonyoung shuffle behind you and turn around to look at him again, finding him sitting up straight. “It is to me,” he tells you, and there’s something in his eyes that holds you in your spot. The tips of his fingers brush against yours on the blanket. You’d look down if you didn’t think you’d miss something. “I wanted to.”

In a second, it clicks.

-

It’s not much longer until Soonyoung needs to start heading back. The two of you get your things together, and you help him pack up the picnic supplies he brought. When everything’s said and done and the two of you are back by the supply box, there’s a second of uncharacteristic quiet that falls over you.

“Let me know when you get back,” you say after a moment. Soonyoung grins.

“You’re worried about me!” he swoons, and you hit him on the shoulder playfully, but don’t deny it. It can be dangerous out there, and even if Soonyoung has been out here longer than you, anything can happen. 

“Just radio me, okay?”

Soonyoung smiles, something a little softer from before. He nods. “I will. You be safe too.”

You nod in return, taking a few steps back towards the trail that leads back to your tower. “Talk to you later, Hoshi.”

The last you see of him before you turn around is the grin on his face.

DAY THIRTY-FOUR.

It feels like forever since you’ve been here.

A window is open and welcomes a distant ambiance of the forest around you, trees and birds and animals. The journal you brought with you is open to the first page, but remains untouched - nothing on the pages. At least, not yet.

(The not yet you always tell yourself seems closer, this time, not so far away. Within reach, or at least within reason.)

Soonyoung had called in that the hike from yesterday had worn him out and he needed a nap. You had laughed fondly at how tired he sounded, told him to sleep well and that you’d be waiting for him. And you feel the words, right at your fingertips, the way the rest and wait to be written. Their presence is both terrifying and reassuring. 

You don’t think they’ll be able to bleed out correctly, not the way they used to since it’s been so long. But they’re there, in your mind, in your heart. 

You pick up the pen you got out, feel the weight of it as you click it a few times. You tap it on the desk once, twice, and then.

You take a deep breath and start to write.

DAY SIXTY-FOUR.

“Are you lookin’ at the fire?”

Your eyes leave the page of your book at Soonyoung’s voice crackling from the radio, looking around your cabin windows to see that, oh, there is a fire. You’d kind of forgotten that it’s… literally your job. At least there are multiple lookouts.

You fold the corner of the page you’re on as a makeshift bookmark before closing the book and setting it down on your bed as you stand to get your radio. You grab a can of soda from the mini-fridge you’ve started to utilize (as best you can, given it does a mediocre job at keeping things cool) before walking out onto the deck, sitting in one of the chairs you set up. “Now I am,” you tell Soonyoung as you adjust the chair so it faces the direction of the fire. You think you’re the closest lookout to it - which makes the fact that you didn’t notice it even worse - but not in any danger. The smoke paints the evening sky red-orange, washing over the purples and blues the sun used earlier as it set. “You’ve called it in?”

“Yeah, told Josh, who told the higher-ups,” Soonyoung responds, voice strangely… solemn? He sighs his next words. “They’ll probably send a crew in for suppression by morning.”

“Is there a reason you sound sad about putting a potentially dangerous forest fire out?” You tease, cracking open your soda and taking a sip. The carbonation feels good in your mouth, pops on your tongue.

“I’m not!” Soonyoung denies after some sputtering, and you laugh. “Just… ugh, looking at it - I’ve worked here every summer for the past, like, five years, and I’ve only ever seen two fires. Three, counting this one.” His voice gains a certain softness, like he’s lost in thought. “I don’t want the place to burn down or anything, but… don’t you think it’s kind of beautiful?”

It’s a little morally ambiguous, but as you look at the distant, licking flames you have to agree. In the dark, it’s vibrant, more than just ashy smoke and the smell of burning - it glows red, flushes out silhouettes of the trees in between it and you.

“I guess it is,” you hum into your radio as you stare at it.

“So. What should we name it?”

“The fire?”

“Yes,” Soonyoung says, dramatic as always. “She needs a name! I’ve always given them names, but I’ll let you do the honor this time.”

There’s something sweet in the way he offers you the chance to name it, and you try not to dwell on it too much. “Ah,” you start, thinking for a moment. “Barbara. The Barbara Fire.”

Soonyoung howls out a laugh and it’s infectious; you feel the tugging of your lips into a grin. “That is the worst thing that has ever come out of your mouth,” he says, and you roll your eyes. “We are not naming it the Barbara Fire.”

You huff out a fake whine. “Come on, it’s just Barb! She’s beautiful.”

“But deadly,” Soonyoung adds in a voice that sounds like it came straight out of a crime documentary. It makes you giggle, the two of you throwing around silly, stupid names.

“Okay, okay,” you say after a few minutes. “Then… hmm, the Hoshi Fire.”

There’s a long, long pause, and you hold down the button to your radio again. “Uh oh, is he broken?”

Soonyoung’s voice comes through, joking, but you sense a pinch of sincerity. “You want to name a raging forest fire after me… I feel like I shouldn’t be happy but I kind of am.”

You remember to push the button as you laugh, looking directly at the fire and shouting, “I hereby dub thee… the Hoshi Fire!” as loud as you can.

After the laughter dies down, for a second, there’s quiet - not awkward or for the sake of a bit, just quiet. Soonyoung’s not telling a story, you’re not giving witty comebacks. It’s just the two of you and the fire, alone in the forest.

It breaks eventually. Soft, gentle. “I’m glad you’re out here, you know,” Soonyoung says.

His words make you stiffen and relax all at once, and almost on instinct you look in the direction of his tower. You can’t really see the silhouette - the sun too far gone, taking the last of its light with it - but you know it’s there, can pinpoint exactly where it should be. You hope Soonyoung’s looking over at you, too.

And even if the reason you’re here in the first place is still a tender bruise to be pressed, you find yourself recovering a little more every day. “I am, too,” you respond. “I… I wish you were over here.”

It’s a roundabout way to say I miss you, but a part of you thinks neither of you are ready for something that explicit. You reach a hand out in the direction of Soonyoung’s tower, grasping at it like it might bring him to you. It’s not as if you can’t meet up with him again, but… between the distance and the fact that there’s an actual fire to keep your eye on, it certainly wouldn’t be easy. This is the closest you can get for now.

“I wish I was too,” Soonyoung says. You close your eyes to picture him, pretty smile and fond eyes. “We could hang out, like last time.”

“Without the radios,” you add. 

“We could, um… you know.”

His words make you giggle, and you feel a little lucky that you’re not holding down the button. Your heart is pounding in your chest, nervous but stable, secure, as you reply. A welcomed beat, even if startling.

“No, I don’t,” you tell him. Your soda sits forgotten, half-empty, on the floor of the deck by your feet. You don’t bother paying attention to the fire. “What could we do?”

Soonyoung groans and this time you laugh pushing the button so he can hear you, warm and affectionate. “Don’t tease me! You know what I’m talking about.”

You do. “What could we do, Soonyoung?”

There’s a pause, but you know he’s still there.

“Well,” he says eventually. “Let me tell you.”

DAY SEVENTY-SIX.

The fire’s gotten big.

You feel like you shouldn’t be surprised by it - it’s a wildfire, they’re not exactly easy to contain, but seeing it up close like this is vastly different from being in a city and barely even noticing the smoke. It is larger than life out here, consuming more and more of the forest each day. The last few days you’ve spent inside due to the low visibility (though it’s not as if you take a hike every day anyways). It makes you wonder if it’s safe to stay out here.

“...Hey,”  Soonyoung radios in. “I have a question for you.”

Rationally, you know whatever it is, it can’t be that serious. But your heart picks up pace anyways, beats a little harder as you pick up your radio to respond. “Look, it was Jihoon’s idea to use the fireworks, I promise neither of us knew it would start the fire.”

Soonyoung sputters out a laugh and you match him, feeling yourself calm down. “I’ll… I’ll ask Jihoon about that later, but - I really do have something to ask you.”

You lay down in your bed, unmade and messy. “Is it… bad?”

“I don’t think so,” Soonyoung responds. “Maybe?”

“Okay…” you say, timid. “Shoot.”

“When you first got here, I asked why you took the job,” he says, and you nod to yourself, remembering the first call you got from him. “You just… never really responded. I get it if it’s, like, a touchy subject, I don’t want to pressure you at all…”

“No,” you interrupt before you realize what you’re saying. You take a deep breath, Soonyoung waits. “No, it’s probably… it might be good to talk about it. I’ll tell you.”

He murmurs an okay, tells you to take your time and you do. It’s not like you’re scared to tell him - you’ve come to trust him, you know he won’t judge you for anything that happened or think any differently of you. You’re not even sure that’s why it’s hard for you to talk about - rather than any sort of outside force that might affect you, it’s more… more of a part of you that you felt you lost. It’s more coming to terms - even after these months - and going through the motions. It’s scary to talk about disconnection, especially from the one thing you loved (love?) more than anything.

“I… write,” is how you start, looking at the ceiling of your cabin as you speak. “Or wrote, maybe? I’m an author. I have a few books published. Writing is something I’ve loved since I was so young, it’s… a part of me, really. It’s special to me.

“When I finally got a manager and a publishing company and all that official stuff, I was so excited. It was like I was finally living my dream. I wrote my first book and got it published and it did really well, so my management asked me to do another, and I did. Then they asked for one after that, and I didn’t… it felt too soon, in a way. Rushed. But I guess I did it because I had to, because I figured this just came with being a writer and not everything is what you want it to be - and I didn’t want to risk losing what I had wanted almost my entire life.”

You take a moment to steady yourself, note the tremble of your fingers and take a few deep breaths. Soonyoung waits for you, patient and kind. “It went like that for a while, and I lost touch with writing. I stopped loving the only thing I knew how to love. I was so detached from it. A few months before I took this job my manager set up a press conference for me, and I… kind of… had a breakdown. At the conference. So I’m out here to run away for a second. Be away from it all.”

The quiet that follows doesn’t make you nervous, really, but you’re still waiting for a reply of any sort. Even if it’s the common oh or it’ll be okay that you got from distant friends and relatives who didn’t know what was really going on. But Soonyoung was patient with you, so you can be patient with him.

“Have you written since?” He asks after a minute, and your eyes flash over to the journal on your desk. One page has the familiar strokes and loops of your handwriting, written after you met Soonyoung in person.

“Only once,” you respond, truthful.

“When you start to write again… will you show me?”

And for some reason the question is so tender, filled to the brim with something you want to name. It makes tears spring to your eyes as you look out over the rising fire, trying not to let your voice shake too much as you reply.

(Maybe it’s because he said when and not if, maybe it’s because he didn’t tell you it’ll be okay, maybe it’s because it’s him and not someone else telling you the same thing.)

“Yeah,” you say, letting go of the button to sniff. “Yeah, I will. If you let me see one of your dances.”

You hear Soonyoung’s smile through the radio as he tells you it’s a deal.

DAY SEVENTY-EIGHT.

For the first time since you started working, someone who isn’t Soonyoung calls you through the radio (not counting the time you radioed Jihoon to make sure he was still alive, because you only saw him once and hadn’t heard from him since then). You hear the familiar click that tells you someone’s on the station, and you’re fully expecting Soonyoung’s voice to light up your cabin the way it always does. Instead, Joshua’s voice rings through.

“You there?” He asks after a comfortable call of your name, and you pick up your radio.

“Yeah, I’m here. It’s been a while,” you respond, and Joshua hums. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve… been,” he tells you, which earns a small laugh. “Anyways, I called in to let you know that they’re having trouble controlling the fire -”

You take a look at the giant flume of smoke north of your tower, nodding to yourself. “I can see that.”

Joshua tells you to be quiet. You hear the friendly smile in his voice.

“There’ll be an evacuation team here within the next two days,” he says. “Maybe less, shouldn’t be more. They’re gonna get all the lookouts evacuated.”

Oh. Evacuation? That means… the city. Your apartment, back to your family and friends. You’d forgotten an entire world exists outside of the bubble you created for yourself.

“Okay,” you say slowly, still looking at the fire. “I assume you’ve told the other lookouts?”

“I’ve got a few more to call, but other than that, yeah, everyone’s covered. I told Soonyoung and Jihoon first,” Joshua tells you, and you blink at the fact that you didn’t even have to ask. “I’ll see you on the other side.”

“Yeah. Stay safe, Josh.”

You sit for a while after that, trying to cope with the feeling in your chest. You… you feel better about everything, about writing, for sure, but. But. It’s cut short, even if only by a little over a week. You haven’t even started packing anything up - so much of you is strewn around the cabin, in the field around your tower, in the trees of the forest you hiked through. You don’t think you’re ready to say goodbye to the place you’ve made your home and the people (person, your heart whispers) with it. 

The sun starts to set and the fire grows. You sit on your bed and look at the things you’ve made your own, a sunken, unfinished emotion spreading through you. Eventually it is Soonyoung’s voice that comes from your radio, low and humorous.

“The Hoshi Fire can’t be stopped…” he murmurs, and you laugh despite the loss you feel. 

“Please,” you groan into your radio after you’ve grabbed it. “We’re getting evacuated!”

Soonyoung giggles, something mischievous that makes your heart warm with slow appreciation. “I can’t believe it’s ending so soon,” you say, standing up to walk around aimlessly.

“Yeah, the summer went by super fast, huh?” Soonyoung replies. “I’m kind of excited, though. I’ve missed a proper dance studio.”

That’s… oh. 

A current of mild surprise rolls through you and you think you physically feel your jaw drop, just a little. That - that hurt. More than you want it to, more than you think it should - but it’s... fine. You’ve only known Soonyoung for a few months, it’s not like…

You realize you haven’t responded and open your mouth on purpose this time. “I wish we could share the sentiment, Hoshi,” you joke, hoping it doesn’t sound too stiff. 

If Soonyoung notices anything, he doesn’t say it. Only laughs, sweet and genuine. “I’m sure you’ll find something to yearn for just as I yearn for dance,” he says dramatically. You laugh, forced, because yeah, you will. Maybe you already have.

DAY EIGHTY.

Evacuation day.

Last day in your tower. Last day in the forest. Last day of the job you took to escape, to heal. It’s spent packing up the things you brought with you, throwing away everything else. Joshua said helicopters would be touching down at two points - Twin Peaks lookout and Mule Point lookout. Twin Peaks is Soonyoung’s tower, and if you planned it out right, you could probably get there and leave with him.

You tell yourself that the reason you can’t is because Mule Point is closer. Safer. They’re evacuating you for a reason.

“Hey.”

Speak of the devil, you think, grabbing your radio from its charging port. “Hi.”

“So,” Soonyoung says. For the first time since you’ve known him, he seems awkward. “Evacuation day.”

“Yessir…”

“What evacuation point are you hiking to?”

You pause, hesitate like you’re about to say something you shouldn’t. “Mule Point,” you manage to get out. “It’s closer,” you say after, your brain telling you to justify it, explain.

“What did the Hoshi Fire ever do to you?” Soonyoung huffs out through a laugh, and it sounds so unaffected that you feel that ache from before again. After a second, he adds, “so… this’ll be the last we talk. At least for a while.”

That realization hits you like a brick and the sting behind your eyes seems normal - regardless of whatever was built between you and Soonyoung or what lead you out here in the first place, it’s so sad that it’s ending. “Yeah,” you say quietly. Everything is packed, you just need to get hiking. “I, um. Is it cheesy to say thank you?”

“Maybe,” Soonyoung chuckles. “But it’ll also make me feel really good, so…”

You feel yourself calm down and let out your own small giggle. Maybe it was always meant to end this way, a little too soon, a little too sad. “Really… thanks, Soonyoung. I think it would’ve been worse for me if I got the silence I came out here for. I’m glad I had you to talk to.”

“Thank you, too,” Soonyoung says back. “I hope… you write again. I’ll talk to you later.”

The mention of it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to, and you feel the smallest of smiles on your lips. “Yeah. Later.”

The radio clicks off and that’s the last you hear from Soonyoung.

EPILOGUE.

It’s hard to come back.

From nature, from Soonyoung - everything, really. To go from trees and fires and talking every night back to car horns, busy sidewalks and your own apartment. It’s weird to wake up and not see the immediate shine of the sun through your windows. But you come back, slowly get used to the life you had before.

And you start writing.

Given - you get back in August only start writing again in October, but you write. Little by little, page after page. Maybe not every day, like you used to, but the words are back and they are eager to get out, leave their mark as your work. You stand up to your management (with Minghao’s support) and take control of your own writing schedule. The pressure from before leaves. Writing becomes special more than ever, returns as the one thing you never get truly tired of.

Minghao asks about the job, your summer. You tell him it was easy and peaceful, and that you’re thankful for the time. You mention the other lookouts. You mention Soonyoung. Only in passing, though. 

(Minghao definitely suspects something, but even if he asked, you wouldn’t tell him much.)

Sometimes you allow yourself to think of him - when you got back, you looked for a Soonyoung in the multiple dance studios in the city, but since you didn’t have a last name or any proper title, nothing came up. After that, you gave up, but he still shows up in your thoughts from time to time, bright blonde hair (the roots growing in) and glowing smile. It’s cold out, now, so you hope he isn’t getting sick and that he’s staying warm.

You’re reminded of just how cold it is when you have to brace the outside world to get your mail. There’s not even any wind, just an undeniable cold, and it makes your nose burn and eyes water as you walk the short trek to your mailbox. You find your slot and push your key in, unlocking it and gathering your mail. Most of it is junk, but you could have sworn something you ordered was supposed to come today -

“Excuse me?”

You turn your head to the voice and find a man walking towards you, his head turned down towards a small piece of paper. His voice sounds familiar, but you figure it must just be a neighbor you haven’t spoken to in a while. You turn your body to him, waiting for him to look up from the note so you can place a name on him. “Do you know where I can find an author…”

He looks up.

It’s Soonyoung.

He looks a little different - his hair is shorter, dyed black instead of the platinum you remember from last July. But it’s definitely him. The longer you stare at each other the wider his smile gets, and you stand, speechless. He’s looking at you like you’re the only thing in the world. Your heart starts to race, warms you up beneath your jacket.

“Found you,” Soonyoung grins. You can’t take your eyes off of him.

“Yeah,” you breathe. “You did.”

[thefanficmonster]

Never Satisfied [Chapter 6]

Corpse Husband x Original Female Character

Warnings: Language

A collaboration between Vy & Ashens 🖤

“I don’t wanna look like this, fuck”

Previously on Never Satisfied:

Digital Checkpoint activated. Reply to save progress. 💜 — Cora

With minimal contemplation he replies seconds later.

Corpse: save

Cora: your progress has been saved. Thank you for choosing A.S.S. - the Automated Save System. You are now free to activate the digital checkpoint at any time. 

Cora: I had a nice time. Text me whenever you need to. We’ll hang out again soon, deal?

Corpse: thank you

Cora: anytime sugar ;)

Funny how a text exchange so simple and short can turn so much around for a person. Funny how a huge weight lifts off him the second he locks his phone, suddenly finding it easier to breathe, to move, to blink, to function - to live. She gives him that kick he needs to be reminded to live and not just be alive. He’s still not comfortable with how much he’s relying on her but seeing her effect on him is nothing but positive, the most and best thing he can do for himself is go with the flow and let things happen. No overthinking, no planning, no shooting guesses, just facing things as they come face-to-face with him. He may never get used to it, but he won’t know that until he tries, will he?

                                                            *  *  *

Corpse sighs as he looks at himself in the mirror. He’s been trying to step up a little with the dressing game since he’ll be having a special guest over - ok, truth be told, he didn’t invite her, she invited herself but he’s glad she did. Lord knows he wants her company and wants her around but he could never bring himself to invite her over or initiate a hangout. Good thing Cora doesn’t expect anything from him, not of that nature at least. It’s oddly amazing having a person like her - someone who basically reads his mind like an open book and then takes action according to what she’s read. It’s not only the fact that she accurately gauges all his wants and needs, but also how she knows exactly what to do to satisfy them. To calm him down, to relieve his anxiety, to make him feel comfortable. He feels strangely selfish for always being on the receiving end of this friendship, although he doesn’t see much he could do for her. He’s decided to let time have full control of the course of their relationship, hoping his giver time would come soon.

As of now, however, it still hasn’t and he can stomach that.

It’s been about a week and a half since their first hangout but he hasn’t missed her once. That may be due to how much they’ve been texting ever since he unlocked that checkpoint she offered him. To be more specific, it probably has something to do with the fact that her texts are always so full of life and light, sounding almost like she’s there with him, talking in her signature upbeat and bubbly way which is such a contrast to his own melancholic approach to any conversation ever. 

She’s also sent him a ton of memes and selfies, plus pictures she took of clients’ pets. In return for her kindness, he’s sent her bad jokes, weird internet articles about ghosts and pictures of the current game he was playing. Needless to say, their chats have been very colorful.

Now that the scene has been set up a little better, a direct timeline of events lading up to this one would be appreciated, wouldn’t it? Ok so, it all started with an “I’m bored” text Corpse received from Cora about two hours ago. Instinctively, and partially because he didn’t have any idea what else he could possibly say in response to that he sent back an apology. An apology Cora apparently deemed a loophole she could use to invite herself over cause that’s exactly what she did, not that Corpse minds it much. In fact, he felt his heartbeat quicken with excitement when her “K then, I’ll be there in a bit :)” text came in. At first he thought it was his anxiety kicking in but when he realized the rest of his typical symptoms remained absent it took him a little while to pinpoint what that emotion could be.

The epiphany came in the form of the word ‘excitement’.

Regardless of the newfound feeling, or maybe exactly because of it, he attempted to protest. A protest she killed easily with a threatening “I know where you live” text which sent Corpse scrambling to get the apartment in some kind of order. Himself too, it’s safe to say he wasn’t looking the most presentable when he received that message. 

His cleaning session consisted mostly of him shoving the strewn about items in his closet and closing it shut like a wild beast dwelled inside, placing a chair in front of the door as a sign for her not to open it and also as a way of preventing the thing from opening on its own because of how overflowing it was. 

Afterwards he scrambled into the shower to scrub himself down. It’d been too much for him to tackle given he wasn’t doing too well mentally, but considering he was now suddenly expecting company he thought it’d be for the best not to subject his new friend to the three-day-unshowered Corpse stank. 

Right now, his main focus is his face, his stomach sinking at the sight of himself in the mirror’s reflection. 

How does she even want to see me? 

His mirror is cracked along the right side, spider web-like cracks reaching towards the center of it from the impact point serving as a reminder of a particularly bad night he’d rather forget.

He sighs as he combs his hair, knowing the dark curls won’t oblige and behave no matter how much he tries. He touches his jaw, deciding to let himself off the hook by deeming that a shave wouldn’t be necessary for at least another day. And then his eyes land on his clothes - an outfit it didn’t take him long to put together since those are the only articles of clothing in his closet he’d consider presentable enough to be shown off in front of a new friend who is yet to find out how much of a slob he really is. That clothing choice consists of a black button-up shirt and jeans. 

This is nice, right? It’s fine. It’s business casual but definitely leaning more towards casual, as some would say. I look...nice, decent. I’ll take it - it’s enough. Far better than my ‘usual’.

A knock at the door startles him, though it’s quickly followed by a voice he’s grown to find very endearing: 

“THIS IS THE COPPAS! OPEN UP YA’ DOOR!” The voice yells out, probably loud enough for the whole complex to hear but it’s not like he gives a shit. And, as context clues show, neither does she.

Corpse exits his bathroom, heading for the front door, pulling the chain off and unlocking the deadbolt before opening it. The object of his newfound affection stands on the other side, grinning and beaming with that usual light she has surrounding her. Her hair is thrown up into a messy bun - a hairstyle she seems to love - and she’s wearing a simple red t-shirt covered in little chubby, cartoonish black cats that seem to be struggling to exist. 

He smiles a little, finding it in himself to speak up but when he opens his mouth to do so, she cuts him off.

“Jesus, did you just come back from a funeral?” She asks, pulling at one of the buttons on his chest as she walks past him, letting herself in. 

His eyes, completely on their own accord, wander down as she walks on by, causing him to swallow hard as he finds himself staring at a pair of tanned legs, patterned by the fishnets she’s wearing, leading up to a pair of short black shorts. 

She turns on her heel about halfway down the hall, leading him to take an inevitable notice of how her well-loved boots could use a polish. Anyhow, he snaps his gaze away to hide the fact he’s been gawking, despite not really meaning to.

“No, but for real, why are you wearing that? You seem super confined and uncomfy, bud.”

Corpse blinks before swallowing and glancing down at himself, pulling at the button she touched before looking back up, his gaze traveling up the length of her legs. She has suspenders hanging over her thighs, more of an accessory than a necessary addition to her outfit. “I just...I dunno, I thought it looked nice. Does it not? I mean, I wouldn’t know, really. I don’t usually dress like this.”

“I mean, you look dapper as fuck but if you’re not comfortable then change, get your comfy game on. I’m the last person you need to impress in this world.”

God, she sees right through him. Even so, he considers protesting, trying to convince it’s all fine, that he likes this shirt and the outfit in its entirety. But her stare sets the record straight for him - she’ll know it’s all lies. And with that in mind, he lets his shoulders fall. Not a full second passes before he promptly starts undoing his buttons. 

“Oh, thank fuck.”  She comments as he  goes to retreat into his room, stripping the shirt off as he walks, unaware of her lingering eyes on his back, unaware of her lower lip bitten between her pearly teeth. Unaware of the subtle shift in her stance as she looks him over much like he did her moments earlier.

When he returns a moment later in a simple dark grey t-shirt, she greets him with a grin and pats his chest. “Much better.”

It doesn’t take long for them to decide to crash on his couch, throw on a bad movie and just sit in comfortable silence. Comfortable silence - something that usually eats away at him and is anything but comfortable he now sees as calming, a soothe to his ever-racing mind. 

Disrespecting the movie, Corpse takes to analyzing his guest instead. She has so much confidence, he can’t help but notice, like she’s been here hundreds of times, known him for so long. He hates her a little for it. Well, it’s not quite hate, it leans more toward envy. Jealousy. That human-nature characteristic of wanting what someone else has but you desperately need/wish you had. In his mind, she’s almost selfish: Why couldn’t she share some of that confidence and carefree manner with the rest of the world? It oozes out of her like a drip of honey from a beehive, sweet and warm. And all he wants yet has none of.

He instinctively tenses up as he feels her move closer before, suddenly, her head drops into his lap, legs kicked over the armrest of the couch. He holds his breath almost subconsciously, staring at her as she remains focused on the television. Unsure of what to do with his hands, he puts one across the back of the couch and the other awkwardly bent above his head. He doesn’t want her to get the wrong idea if he touches her. He doesn’t want to come off as a creep nor does he want to overstep any of her boundaries, despite the fact she’s walking a dangerous line of overstepping his. Well, that would’ve been the case if this was done by anyone but her. The way Corpse comes to this realization is when he figures out that he really doesn’t mind this proximity, as long as he doesn’t embarrass himself or creep her out in any way.

What felt like an eternity passes before she finally speaks up, still without looking away from the movie playing on the screen opposite the couch, “You know, I can feel how tense you are.” 

His face flushes with embarrassment, heating up as his mind immediately goes to the worst possible outcome of this situation.

She’ll probably sit up, or leave, he thinks to himself, heart thumping in his ears as he tries to observe her face the best he can from this angle. Nevertheless, he swallows that fear as she rolls her head to look up at him with those large glittering doe eyes, grinning a bit as she seems to always do, “You can just put your hands wherever it’s comfortable for you. I don’t mind.”

He hesitates for a moment but, as always, he doesn’t get much say cause she makes the choice for him, knowing that pesky fear is keeping him immobile. She takes the hand from over his head and pulls it down to rest just next to her skull. She then drags the one resting at the back of the couch, placing it so his hand is resting dead-center on her stomach. Satisfied with how she’s rearranged his posture, she goes back to watching the movie but not before asking: “This okay?” while looking at him through her peripheral vision. 

He’d have to admit it’s far more comfortable like this.

“Yeah, it’s fine. You’re okay?” He asks, feeling relieved when he feels her nod against his leg. 

He moves his hand a little and swallows hard as he contemplates if he really should make the move he’s thinking of at the moment. And then he abruptly decides not to think. So, instead, he acts on it. 

Without thinking of any potential negative consequences, Corpse slides his fingers to lace with hers, resting their conjoined hands on her stomach in the same spot where she left his hand a bit ago. She curls her digits around his tighter as reassurance that it’s ok. Her palm feels warm in his hand, her thumb tracing his cold metal rings. 

Checkpoint...his checkpoint. 

Is this what it feels like to be normal?, he wonders, Is this what it feels like to really connect with someone? He has never felt this before. He’s never met someone who has such an effect on him, understand him like this - Without even having to ask she grounded him; she knew what he needed and didn’t make him feel like an idiot about it. Instead she gave him the comfort he needed.

And suddenly he finds himself afraid - realizing that this isn’t simply a vibe of two buddies hanging out. He has that subtle ache in his chest that’s telling him he wants something…something substantial from this friendship. He wants this to last, or for it to blossom, he’s not sure yet. But for the first time, he doesn’t feel the overwhelming need to figure it out. That’s one of the many effects this girl has on him - she’s the definition of improvisation, unpredictable and alive. He’s slowly learning to let loose himself, all thanks to her. Slowly, he’s learning to trust time. 

He abruptly realizes he’s glancing at her often as the movie is still running, examining her features and slowly running his gaze down the length of her fishnet-clad thighs before quickly looking away, mentally scolding himself. It’s hard, but he manages to turn his gaze elsewhere for his sake and hers. For the sake of keeping things normal, platonic and not in any way awkward for either of them. The last thing he needs is to make things weird by letting his mind wander and activate his libido and then she’d really notice how tense he is. 

Cora remains oblivious to what’s going on in his head, thank God, as she continues running her thumb across his knuckles, eyes half lidded in calm content - something that’d typically seem like the complete opposite of what she is. He likes seeing her like this, tamed almost. He feels like no one else has had the privilege to see this calm side of her. Maybe that’s not the truth - it probably isn’t - but he still feels special, knowing that it’s a tight circle of people who have seen her this way.

And then he realizes the movements of her thumb on his hand have stopped.

He freezes for a moment, his fearful gaze travelling to her face where he’s relieved to find her eyes closed only seconds before he hears a light snore escape her.

She’s fallen asleep.

It’s an odd scene. She’s such a wild and free spirit, seeing her fall asleep like this is like observing an abnormality, a paranormal event. You know, like something one doesn’t usually believe exists or is capable of happening. He’d never before been able to imagine her asleep. It’s ridiculous, he’s aware - she’s human after all, but his mind has never been able to comprehend the thought and image of her captured by the power of sleep. He simply couldn’t see it happening. But now that it’s happened in front of him, he can’t look away from the sight of her relaxed, peaceful features, overcome by sudden slumber.

And then he comes to the realization that he’s now practically held hostage on his own couch, crippled by the danger of waking her up. It’s gonna be a long while, isn’t it, he thinks to himself, yet there’s still a satisfied smile on his face. A smile that’s a result of knowing he’s held hostage by her. That’s more a blessing than a curse, if he’s being honest.

@fockingwhore  @vixenl  @annshit  @wineandionysus  @wiseflamingoqueen

[archaxwii]

Through Diamond and Flesh

Warnings: This fic involves safe, soft, consensual, non-sexual vore, as well as g/t content.

This is just a silly Skeppy and Bad vore fic, I wrote it like a week ago but what better time to post it than now? Also Skeppy and Bad's relationship con be interpreted as romantic or platonic as you want. This is a little outdated now as of the last lore stream but we’ll just say this takes place in a world where everyone on the SMP makes it out safe and alive. (Also I’m a bit rusty so apologies if the writing or dialogue isn’t great)

—

Skeppy and Bad have been friends for several years now. They had grown very fond of each other in that time. Especially after a...certain incident with an egg and maybe getting possessed and Skeppy nearly dying to said egg...multiple times...However, that was a couple years ago, the egg was gone and the duo had been saved. It had taken a lot of time (and therapy) but they were now closer than ever before.

Sometimes Skeppy thought maybe too close.

Now, Bad and Skeppy had grown up very differently. Skeppy was a diamond golem, he didn't exactly have parents he had a creator, who had basically left him alone to his own devices, which is why he had come to the smp.

Bad, however, was a demon from the Nether. He had actual parents, who had raised him and loved him until he was old enough to decide to move to the Overworld.

They talked a lot about how they'd grown up, and there were a lot of things Skeppy found weird about how Bad's parents raised him, but there was one thing in particular that he kept getting stuck on.

"I still don't understand how you don't think it's weird your parents used to eat you as a kid." Skeppy said, exasperated.

Bad groaned, waving his arms around." I don't get why it weirds you out so much, it's honestly not that big of a deal!" He protested.

" Besides...I don't remember it being that bad." He mumbled, looking away with embarrassment.

Skeppy shook his head." You're such a weirdo." He said giving Bad a light shove.

Bad huffed, immediately shoving him back." Maybe I am, but I honestly don't think it was as bad as you're making it out to be." He paused, and turned to Skeppy with a cheeky grin." You know, I could show you what it was like?” He offered.

Skeppy actually, physically jumped back." What?! Are you crazy?!" He shouted." No, I don't wanna be eaten, how would that even work that's not even physically possible!" He really shouldn't have said that, because that just opened the gateway for Bad.

Bad crossed his arms." No, I'm not "crazy". And really, it's not that big of a stretch, I'm sure that at my full height I'd be able to do it." He reasoned.

He really, really hated that that was probably true.

Bad is a size shifter, with four different sizes he could choose from, and at his tallest he was somewhere around 15 feet. Probably definitely able to eat someone.

Skeppy shook his head." I think you might be forgetting one important detail here, Bad, I WILL DIE IF YOU EAT ME." Despite being almost 3 feet taller than him, Bad still winced from the loud noise.

"What makes you say that?" He had the audacity to sound genuinely confused.

Skeppy flung his hands in the air." Uhh, I don't know, maybe because things get digested in burning acid when they're eaten?!" He cried with less vigor, but still sounding upset.

Bad stared at Skeppy with an seriously embarrassing amount of confusion. After a few seconds it finally seemed to click." Ohh, no no no, Skeppy, that's not how it works. Did I never give you a lesson on demon anatomy?"  No, he hadn't, and Skeppy was kind of hoping to keep it that way.

"See, demons like me have two stomachs," he pointed at an area slightly higher than where a normal stomach would be," this one is for storage purposes, it doesn't have any digestive fluids or anything like that. Everything I eat has to go through there before I manually send it into this stomach," he pointed a little lower," That one does actually digest all my food and stuff." He explained.

He gave Skeppy an odd look." How did you think my parents were able to...eat me?" He asked.

Skeppy sighed, not making eye contact." I dunno man, I just thought it happened with some weird demon magic or whatever." So it was actually possible for Bad to eat him, and for him to be completely safe.

" I don't know Bad, this is still really freaking weird, I don't think I wanna do this." He said uncomfortably.

Bad sighed, a bit dejected." Ok, Skeppy, I won't make you do it if you don't want to. I just wanted to explain why I wanted to do it." Why did he sound sad?

Skeppy tilted his head." Why, exactly, do you want to do it? I still don't see what's enjoyable about it." He asked genuinely.

Bad scratched the back of his head, looking awkward." I- I don't know. I just remember it feeling very nice. Even as a demon the Nether is still a scary place, I felt...safe whenever they did it. It was just...nice and warm. Like nothing could hurt me." He admitted quietly.

Skeppy gave him a soft smile." It sounds like you wanna get eaten more than I do." He joked lightly.

Bad brightened, giving him a wide grin." Oh my gosh, would you eat me, Skeppy?" He asked hopefully, tail wagging like an oversized dog.

Skeppy very quickly shook his head." What?! No way, dude! That would definitely kill you!" He yelped.

Bad grabbed his hands, linking them together." Not necessarily! I think I have some potions that can make me immune to acid!” He explained excitedly.

Skeppy gave him a skeptical look." You just have those lying around, huh?" He deadpanned.

If Bad were human, he probably would have blushed." Well-I, you see-... shut up." He sputtered." Look, will you actually do it now?"

He bent his knees to look Skeppy in the eyes.

Despite the fact that Bad was a 9'6 demon, it was still impossible for him to not give into the puppy dog eyes.

He hesitated for several seconds, and took a deep breath.

"Show me what to do."

—

Well, here he was. With a tiny, potioned up Bad in the palm of his hand.

"Are you ready, Skeppy?" Bad asked gently. He was willing to go as slowly as possible for Skeppy's comfort, even if he was incredibly eager. Especially since he'd taken off his robes in exchange for an easier T shirt and shorts, making him much colder.

Skeppy shifted nervously." I don't know what to do." He admitted.

Bad tilted his head." Do you wanna let me inside your mouth?" He asked calmly.

Skeppy's anxiety skyrocketed, but he tried not to let it show. He delicately brought Bad closer to his mouth. He really didn't wanna do this.

Bad smiled calmly, sensing his nervousness." Would you like me to just climb in myself? So you don't feel like I'm being forced?" Skeppy nodded and wordlessly opened his mouth.

He slowly climbed in, trying not to startle Skeppy too much. He very patiently sat on his friends tongue. It sadly wasn't as warm as he'd like, but it was better than outside.

"Now, I know this may sound weird, but I need you to lick me, like, a lot." He guided.

Skeppy whined, and Bad reassured him that he was fine and ok with it.

Skeppy reluctantly obliged and began running his tongue across the demon, coating him in a thick layer of saliva. He had a very smoke-y taste to him, which made sense seeing as he was from the Nether. Eventually Bad told him he'd done enough and, to Skeppy's dismay, moved closer to his throat.

"I'm ready when you are, Skeppy." He shuddered, Bad was putting his complete trust and faith into him. He was willing and excited to let Skeppy eat him. He didn’t want to let his best friend down.

He tilted his head back, swallowing thickly. He tried not to panic over the unusually large lump that was traveling down his throat. It was such a weird sensation, yet to his surprise it wasn’t as horrible as he thought it would be. He swallowed a few more times, and eventually the warm weight that was his best friend settled into his belly.

Immediately he began asking," Are you ok? I didn't hurt you did I?"

Bad didn't respond for a few moments and Skeppy now had to deal with the startling sensation of something moving in his stomach, as Bad pawed around like he was trying to get his bearings.

Finally, he responded." Yes, Skeppy, I'm ok. That was a little disorienting but I'm perfectly fine." He paused for a moment." Are you ok?" He inquired.

He wasn’t sure how to answer, he was still processing that he’d just eaten his best friend alive.

He pressed a hand against his stomach, feeling where Bad was. He felt a bit of shuffling and soon a hand was pressed against the inside as well. Bad was...safe...inside him. Skeppy was now the sole protector of him. Protected by layers of flesh and diamond, no one could hurt him. Now he was beginning to understand why Bad wanted to do this so desperately. He wanted to be able to protect his best friend like this all the time, and he was certain that's how Bad felt as well.

"I think I'm ok, actually..." He said softly, gently rubbing circles against Bad's form.

Bad was quite happy about his current situation. The walls around him were very soft and, if it weren't for the layers of slime he was coated in, felt almost like a bed. He didn't have much room to move but he didn't feel like he was being suffocated. It wasn't as warm as he'd like (aka as warm as sitting in a fire) but it was warm, and that was very pleasant. He could hear the gurgles and growls of the organs surrounding him, as well as the gradually steadier heartbeat and whoosh of Skeppy's lungs as he began calming down. Loud, but not too intrusive.

The best thing about it, though, was that he hasn't felt this safe in a long, long time.

Ever since his time with The Egg he had become a very paranoid and closed off person. He was afraid of talking to the other members of the server, either out of fear that they still harbored some hatred for what he'd done, or that they would be corrupted as well. Even though he knew that The Egg was gone now it had woven itself very deep into his brain, and a small part of him still believed that one day it would erupt from the earth and devour the world with its vines.

Bad harshly shook his head. He wouldn't let thoughts about The Egg get to him. That was for Puffy’s therapy office, not for here.

Truthfully, though, he hadn't really felt safe since the day he'd stepped out of the Nether portal for the first time. Far from his family, his home. Not even being with Skeppy had made him feel as safe as he did now.

But now, he was at the very core of his best friend. Nothing could hurt him. He was safe, and he was with Skeppy, he couldn't ask for anything better.

He grinned a little to himself, giving the wall he was leaned against a little pat." I told you it wasn't as bad as you thought it'd be." He said only a little smugly.

Skeppy sighed with faux frustration." I will admit, I didn't expect it to feel...like this." He laid down on his bed, placing a hand on his stomach.

“ I guess it's not that bad." He said, rubbing small circles where he could feel Bad's form.

Bad grinned a little, beginning to rub circles with both of his hands against the walls of Skeppy's stomach.

Skeppy practically melted into his bed at that point. He'd definitely never felt anything like that before, it made him feel very warm and content.

They stayed like that for a couple more minutes but he was starting to get tired, and he knew Bad must be tired as well.

"Are you gonna be ok if I leave you in there? Will you be safe?" He questioned softly.

Bad nodded out of habit despite the fact that Skeppy couldn't see." It'll be fine, the potion’s got a long time before it wears off," he paused,"...I kinda planned for this." He said with only slight embarrassment.

Skeppy lightly chuckled, he would have to remember to tease him about that in the morning but for now he was too tired, instead just settling on giving his belly a light pat.

They both drowsily exchanged their good nights before slowly dozing off together, finally feeling safe and content at last.

[zenrayne]

For those dealing with depression: self soothing tips

It never truly goes away until we learn to love ourselves I’m realizing. To tell the inner critic and the self hating part of us or the pessimistic side of us that I love you and you’re worthy.

I noticed when I beat myself up mentally that part of me is angry at myself because that part is sad as shit and just wants me to do and be better or to not feel anymore pain. That self hating part of me doesn’t understand my worth because I never told it and my parent made me feel worthless.

I’m learning very slowly for almost 2 years now. It gets just a little easier each time. I cry less but I’m more numb. But when I relapse or break down where my depression makes me feel like I’ll never be happy it’s easier to pull myself out of the pain than it was 5 years ago. 5 years ago suicide was on my mind every day when something went bad. Then I actually attempted it twice and had one accidental overdose. The last time I tried I realized if I don’t push myself to try to live than I won’t know what it’s like to be happy I’ll have died without finding out what my potential can be. I have to decide to either fully die or fully live I can’t teeter totter all my life when I feel a negative experience or negative emotion.

Now when I’m depressed, crying, having a bad memory, anything that feels like it’s breaking me inside I self soothe. It’s usually while I’m having a panic attack and or crying my eyes out and I feel like giving up. Self soothing is something my parents and no one could do for me.

To do it I rub my upper arms as if I’m hugging myself yet comforting myself and just repeatedly saying positive things like: “it’s okay. It’s okay to feel this. Your emotions are valid. You’re not your bad thoughts. You’re safe. It’s okay. I love you. I’m here. I won’t hurt you anymore. I’m listening to your pain. It’s okay to feel this. Let’s get through this hard part together.�� I self soothe like a parent for myself no matter how much I don’t believe the words I’m saying because of my pain. I say it over and over until my mind listens, calms down, and starts believing.

If I can I go and journal. Or listen to music and I force myself to sing or dance to my favorite song to get my low energy up more. Exercise is great too if you prefer not to dance. Exercise with music. Moving your body gives you endorphins its the natural pain killer because they activate opioid receptors in the brain that help minimize discomfort. They can also help bring about feelings of euphoria and general well-being.

If I literally can not do any type of physical activity. I meditate mindfully, so I try listening to my thoughts and I belly breathe. Or I listen to calming instrumental music and only focus on belly breathing. If a thought pops in my head I either say “I’m thinking about ...” out loud or to myself to notice I got distracted and to go back to doing my breathing. Or I imagine folding the memory or thought into a box and putting it safely away for later or I imagine in on a cloud drifting past me. Sometimes I imagine it becoming a rose and I light the rose on fire. You can come up with anything creative to passively and without judging to put your thoughts aside. I do this for 10-30+min until I’m satisfied or I just can’t do it anymore.

When I listen to my thoughts objectively it’s like I’m looking at the thoughts of my depression and this body. I remind myself if I can observe my own thoughts than that possibly means I’m not my thoughts and if I’m not my thoughts what am I? I think I’m the being or spirit behind the thoughts experiencing life. If I can say words in my head without using my mouth and without using my ears to hear it than how is that possible? My consciousness is behind everything I experience.

I try to not let my negative thoughts and perceptions pull me under. Doesn’t mean I win every time. Literally every other day I’m having an emotional swing because I’m trying but anxiety and depression can be so overwhelming and powerful. But healing doesn’t have to be feeling positive or feeling happy or doing something productive. Healing is listening to yourself and telling yourself in any way shape or form that you have worth and that you love yourself. You have to. You have to do it even if you don’t believe your own words.

We’ve told ourselves so many hurtful things in our mind and experienced situations that in our mind proved that we are worthless. Those things conditioned our mind to completely spiral or those things triggered a genetic component we have inside of us to be depressed. But remember: only you can know and tell yourself your worth. If you believe your life is pointless than your life is pointless. If you believe your life had potential than it has potential. If you believe that anything you put your mind to you’ll accomplish you’ll do it. Mindset is powerful. Fighting against depression is tiring but being careful to feed your mind with something uplifting can eventually change your automatic thinking that life sucks and I suck I hate my life and I can’t feel this anymore I can’t do it starts to turn into maybe I can be happy. Maybe my life won’t suck soon maybe my thoughts isn’t what my future will be like

It’s hard. It’s so hard but something inside of you wants to live it may just be 1% of you but it’s that 1% that keeps you alive this very moment. People die from depression; living with depression makes you stronger than someone who doesn’t even understand what it feels like to have it weighing on you nearly every day. Dealing with emotional and maybe physical symptoms that you push through. Each day tell yourself it’s a victory because you lived.

Here’s what I do

Whenever your mood is a little up write a list of as many reasons to continue pushing/living/trying and it can be as little as *”the sun feels nice on my skin and makes me feel good”* or it can be as big as *”I have a dream that I want to accomplish.* Looking back at that list helps so much because it’s your own handwriting, it’s a past version of yourself telling you *”it’ll be okay just look at what you have to look forward to. What you’re feeling is ok but don’t forget about these things that make you feel good”*

Writing everyday one thing I’m grateful for in a journal helps because I get to look back and see all the things I was grateful for in the month.

Doing minute gratitudes in the day is helpful: just looking at a blanket and saying out loud “I’m thankful I have something to keep me warm.” Or looking at your ceiling and saying out loud or in your head ”I’m grateful there’s a roof over my head.” Looking in the mirror at your reflection ... and saying “I’m grateful that this body protects me” or “I’m grateful I can see and understand that I’m alive. I have a consciousness while an animal like a dog can’t recognize their reflection I have the ability to see myself and find any type of meaning in life”Just take anything you see if you’re down and think about how you can be thankful for it. It can even be your hands for letting you be able to feel sensations, being able to hear music, you have legs to dance and move, a mouth to eat yummy food and to talk to the people you care about.

Tell yourself every morning when you see your reflection “I am enough”. That’s it. Say it as many times as you want or say it once. But look at your reflection into your own eyes for a moment and then say it. It makes it very personal and makes associate the words “I am enough” with yourself. Do it every day. And over time you’ll start to notice that you’re starting to feel more and more like you are actually enough.

The more and more I do gratefulness and self soothe it helps me do it more often and it improves my mood than if I didn’t do it.**

Be safe 💓 and don’t invalidate your depression or your own pain. Your body is feeling it it’s real. Soothe that pain and just try a little to feel better when you feel up to it. Don’t fall into the depression and even if you do you can always get back up when you can.

[haikyu-hoe]

You’re safe now

Tsukkishima Kei x reader

one shot, angst-ish but fluff (happy ending)

⚠️ warning ⚠️ mentions of s*lf h*rm, sc*rs and su*cidal thoughts. please do not read if you feel like this might trigger you !!

Hope you guys enjoy this more angsty fanfic, dm if you have any requests xx

———————————————————————

You’re a first year at Karasuno. Everyday has been the same since the beginning of the year. Each morning you wake up to this feeling of emptiness that’s slowly eating you alive. At this point, you don’t even know why you get up in the morning anymore.

It’s not like anymore cares, right? Sure you do have a few friends, but they probably only tag along because they pity you or because sometimes you bring them sweets. And your parents... they were never really abusive but it’s like they made sure to always keep a toxic atmosphere in the house.

As for your grades, they’ve just kept going downhill since September. You’ve kinda given up, since no one expects much from you anymore. Or so you thought.

After class, you’re supposed to meet up with your teacher so she can introduce you to your new tutor, a fellow student who will help you with your homework. This is your last chance to pick yourself up, as she said.

You enter the teachers lounge to see Tsukkishima Kei, a guy in your class, standing beside your teacher. She introduces the both of you, and you leave for the studying class. You walk there in silence. There’s many students studying in groups there, and you sit beside Tsukkishima at a table by the windows.

“let’s get started, yeah?”, he asks, as if he’s impatient to be done. Didn’t he volunteer for this though? Maybe the teacher picked him because he has good grades and he’s forced to be here...

Tsukkishima had quite the reputation amongst the first years. He wasn’t only known to be a tall, handsome volleyball player but also a smartass and an asshole. You feared he might be mean to you if he had been forced to do this. Your mental health was hanging by a thread and if he even did so much as raise his voice at you, you would break down.

“Did you volunteer for this?”, you ask shyly.

“Yeah, what about it.”, he replies in a cold, annoyed tone.

“It’s just- did- why-” you sigh. “doesn’t matter”

“maybe he was offered bonus points... not that he needs them though.”, you think to yourself. But it doesn’t matter, nothing does. Everything in life is temporary, except pain, so that’s the only thing you must focus on.

You take out a math textbook, and Tsukkishima starts explaining the first problem. 10 minutes later, you still don’t get it and your tutor is obviously very annoyed by your ignorance.

“God y/k can you just focus on this? It’s basic mathematical equations!”, he says while lightly rolling his eyes.

“Hey i’m sorry i’m not as smart as you, ok? I’m sorry i’m not good at anything, i’m sorry i can’t do anything right!”, you say as tears start forming in your eyes. As they begin rolling down your cheeks, you get up to leave.

You go to push your chair, but Tsukkishima grabs you by the wrist.

“Ow! let me go!”, you scream.

“Shh i’m not even pulling hard-” he replies, trying to calm you down before people start staring.

Tsukkishima is determined to keep you here, so he pulls at your wrist, you fight back and in all this commotion, your sleeve gets slightly rolled up, revealing a freshly scarred wrist.

Tsukkishima lets go quickly upon seeing the scars, looking away. You pull down your sleeve and leave.

“God what’s his problem”, you think. “it’s not like anyone’s asking him to do this! What does he care anyway”

Tonight is a night like the others. Homework, TV, slashing your wrists... you can’t even feel the pain anymore. All you know is you want this to end.

The next day, you catch Tsukkishima staring at you in class multiple times throughout the day. What a brat, what a jerk! “He probably just wanted to mock me”, you think.

You don’t tell your friends about any of this. None of their business. You’ve never been much of a talker, after all. At the end of the day, you don’t even wait for them to walk home. Not like they’d wait for you either, so what does it matter.

But someone is waiting for you at the gate. You try to walk fast in front of him, but the tall blond haired boy still notices you.

“Oi, y/k.”, he says calmly, putting an arm in front of you to block the way.

You have no choice but to stop. You let out a deep sigh before turning your head to him.

“Would you mind stopping by the park with me?”, asks Tsukkishima.

“sure”, you shrug.

It’s not like you had any plans tonight. It was going to be a regular evening of procrastination, trying to do homework but not getting anything done because of the unbearable amount of stress and spiralling anxiety and finally going to sleep at 1 am. Your parents don’t get home until after dinner, so they won’t know any of this. You wonder if they’d even notice. Sometimes it feels as if no one would care if you disappeared.

Tsukkishima goes to grabs your wrist to make you follow him, but you hear him mutter “right, sorry”, before backing away.

The whole time you walk at a slow pace, not even trying to keep up with the tall volleyball player. At some point it starts irritating him, so he gestures at you to walk faster. You sigh and do a bit of an effort to keep up, but you’re still not fast enough so Tsukkishima just grabs your hand to force you to go to a quicker pace.

You’re about to protests, but why? You might not be around for long anymore so might as well do some crazy shit while you’re still here, while you’re still... alive.

His hand feels so comforting in yours, but you have to remind that this doesn’t mean anything. But still, the feeling of being love had become a distant memory until now. It awakens a part of you you thought was gone forever, killed by sadness.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you don’t even notice you’ve arrived at the park, until Tsukkishima lets go of your hand. It’s a modest park with only two wooden benches, an old fountain full of coins and a few trees.

Tsukkishima turns to face you as you sit down besides him.

“So what did you want?”, you ask, eager to get out of there, even if you’d rather die than go home. But that’s probably just because you feel like you don’t belong anywhere, ever.

“I’m worried about you, y/k...” starts Tsukkishima. “I’ve watched the light in your eyes go out rapidly since the beginning of the year, your smile get more and more fake... Thays why I volunteered to help you out.”

“Out of pity, huh. Great.”, you sigh. You roll your eyes and look away, crossing your arms.

“That’s not it, y/k. You just seemed like such a good person, always caring about others even though your own life was going downhill... I couldn’t bear to see you like this. Because the truth is...”

He stops mid sentence, just looking at you. You eventually turn back to him, staring at his glistening hazel eyes. He doesn’t seem like the asshole everyone warned you about at all. A cute blond strand dances to the rythme of the wind in front of his eyes, and you just want to put it out of the way...

“i love you.”, finally finishes Tsukkishima.

This wasn’t what you were expecting. It actually explains a lot of things, but creates a bunch of new questions too. He looks a bit embarrassed, and his cheeks become a light shade of pink, just like his soft looking lips.

You gradually get closer to him, and before you know it, your faces are only inches apart. He cups your face with his hands, lightly brushing your cheeks. Tears form in your eyes, and without thinking another second, you kiss Tsukkishima.

He kisses you passionately, making you remember all the things that have kept you alive so far... All your ambitions, all your dreams, all your hopes.

You feel his hands run down your neck, then reach your shoulders and finally your arms. He glides his fingers under your sleeves, running them on your scars. It feels fresh and reassuring.

Your lips part after a minute and Tsukkishima whispers “you’re safe now.”

You hug him tightly, sobbing violently against his chest. He holds you close to him, and you finally calm down, reassured by the steady sound of his heartbeat.

“I won’t try to pretend to know what you’re going though but please, y/k, let me try my best, ok?”, he whispers in your ear. His warm breath tickles against your neck.

You back off a bit to look at him, slightly brushing your fingers against his pale face. You nod lightly. He softly kisses your forehead, takes your hand and says “let me walk you home.”

You walk at his pace this time, keeping your bodies as close as possible. When you reach your house, it’s like waking up from a dream that wasn’t over. You can’t let go just yet...

“How about I try to help you with maths again tomorrow?”, he says, seeing your eyes full of tears. You nod, and Tsukkishima lifts your chin with a finger to place one last kiss on your lips.

You look at him walking away from your porch until he’s completely out of sight. For the first time in months, you feel something other than stress, like a shining star in this pitch black void that was your heart. Excitement, happiness or maybe even... love?

-the end-

[3pirouette]

Fic: The Honey Trap (3/?)

Title: The Honey Trap

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :) 

Story Summary: Peggy’d lost count. She wasn’t sure if she was a double or triple agent at this point, and in the end, it didn’t matter. What mattered was getting out of this alive.

A/N: While I'd hoped to keep up the updates every week, RL is not cooperating. I'm still going to update as often as I can, and the story's not abandoned. Just going to be a little slower than expected. This chapter is a direct continuation from the last.

~*~

Peggy was aghast.

She’d made a loop around the commissary, stopped at the supply tent, chatted with a nurse, all the while very carefully being very, very obvious that she’d been following Steve as he moved about camp. And she was absolutely not careful when she slipped into his tent in full view of half a platoon ten minutes ago.

Peggy sat next to him on his cot, quiet. Steve couldn’t help but fidget, turning the compass over and over in his hands. “I guess it’ll…”

“They’re morons, all of them.” Peggy said loudly and suddenly. She turned to Steve, eyes bright. “I never would have pegged them for that, but goodness. The lot of them!”

“What do you mean?” Steve pocketed the compass, turning to her.

“Well, had I known how easy it would be to slip into your tent without anyone raising the alarm I certainly would have done it before this.” She laughed and turned to him, playing with the collar of his shirt. “And I certainly would have done it quite often.”

A blush crept up his cheeks as his hands fluttered around her hips. “Peg, we shouldn’t…”

“Shouldn’t what?” She refused to be chastised and leaned forward to kiss him quickly. “In a matter of days, I’ll be back in London and you’ll be god knows where and we’re going to have to pretend this is all real. Who knows when we’re likely to see one another again?” She kissed him again, softer this time, and his hands wrapped firm around her. “Besides, if those lunks out there are stupid enough to miss me walking in here with you—”

“Maybe they’re smart enough to keep their mouths shut,” Steve rebutted as he gave in and kissed down her neck.

“In either event,” she lifted his face to look in his eyes again, “we should be smart enough to take advantage.”

~*~

It was Bucky, surprisingly, that was waiting for her when she emerged from Steve’s tent. He stepped out from the space between the canvas two tents down and fell into step with her, eyes dark and hands in his pockets.

She and Steve hadn’t actually talked about what he might tell his best friend, because in theory he couldn’t tell anyone anything. Neither of them could. She kept moving, Barnes keeping pace with her, until she’d managed a loop of almost the entire base without shaking her silent shadow. Finally, she walked out past the mess, stopping only when they were afforded at least some privacy.

“Well?” She finally asked, eyeing him and crossing her arms smartly.

Bucky shuffled his feet then looked up at her, face tight. “What kinda game are you playing?”

“Game?” she asked, incredulous. If anyone should have known just how real their feeling were, it should have been Bucky.

He shook his head and looked away. “The idiot’s head over heels for ya. You have to know that.” He looked at the ground and huffed a heavy sigh. He was caught between anger and disappointment when he looked back up at her. “You start breaking regs, he’s gonna follow right behind and one of you is gonna get hurt. Or worse: court martialed.”

Peggy started to reply, but he held his hand up. “Nah- I don’t… I don’t want to hear it. I’m happy for him. For you. And if this was any other place or time, I’d be shoving the two of you together like ya wouldn’t believe.” He shook his head sadly. “We’ll cover for you two as long as we can, but you know just as well as I do that Phillips and the rest of those higher ups can only turn a blind eye for so long.”

Bucky leaned down, as he started to move away. “Please don’t mess with him, Peg. You might be strong enough for it, but he’s still that 98-pound dumb struck kid inside that shell.”

All the bravado she’d felt at sneaking into Steve’s tent left her as Bucky walked away. Her stomach sank, heavy with the thought that Steve had the very real potential to be hurt in all this. Being undercover was never easy, especially when it meant faking relationships or allegiances, but Steve would be very aware of her playing house with another man, of her pledging her loyalty to the very organization he was laying his life on the line to fight.

She knew, when this was all over, she was going to have to mend some fences with some friends she would have to deceive, the Howlies high on that list. She just hadn’t considered, until this moment, that she might have to fight to regain Steve’s trust, as well.

She’d never even thought until now that she might lose it.

~*~

The idea that she’d be hurting Steve kept her up all night, tossing and turning in her bed. She thought about getting up, slipping out and sliding into his tent under the cover of darkness, but Bucky’s words, his face, were caught on a loop in her brain.

Being caught would fuel the fire. But up until now they’d been very careful about their relationship, about finding very private moments to share a kiss or an embrace. Steve had fairly romantic, if somewhat conservative, views about how she should be treated before they could be even publicly dating, and she’d done her best to respect that.

She’d never wanted to hurt him.

Steve seemed so strong. So confident. Even when she first met him, there was a strength to him that transcended his small body.

Somehow, she always imagined he’d end up hurting her. She dreamt of him walking away, one of the showgirls from the USO on his arm, or leaving because she wanted a career and not to be home taking care of kids. She had nightmares of him laughing at the end of the war, walking away with gaggles of fans under each arm once he realized he could have his pick of the bunch as Captain America. Peggy heard the words of other men come out of his mouth in her darkest moments, men from her past that called her names she didn’t like to repeat in polite company.

Somehow, she always imagined she’d be the one left behind when he realized all the doors his transformation would open up to him.

Peggy waited until sun up and slipped out to the mess, eating but not tasting her ration before she went to find him. She caught him just as he was leaving his tent, and with the tip of her head, he followed her.

“Morning…” he started cautiously, seeing how wound up she was. “Newsreel guys will be here any minute, so—"

She cut him off. “I didn’t sleep at all last night and it was Barnes’ fault.”

Steve watched the nervous energy pour from her in the way her fingers kept fidgeting at her sides, the way her breath came just a little faster. He shook his head and huffed a frustrated sigh. “What did he say?”

She thought about lying, turning right around, and not having this conversation. She shook her head, stepping just a little closer to whisper. “He made me realize how hard this is going to be on you.”

“Peg—”

“No,” she stopped his interruption, taking his hand. “You’re going to have to see me lie, you’re going to see me pretend to love another man and pretend to fight for an ideology that would have the world burn around us.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she held his hand tight. “I know it won’t be easy for me,” she finally looked up at him, “but until yesterday I hadn’t thought about how it might be for you.”

She stepped closer, taking both hands and framing his face gently, looking deep into his eyes. He held her gaze, never wavering, as she spoke. “I need you to know I love you. I love you, my darling, and no matter what I say, or what I have to do out there, or how long we’re apart, that will not change.” She took a slow, deep breath. “I don’t expect it should be easy when it’s all said and done, but…”

He smiled as she stuttered and wrapped his hands around her cheeks, eyes bright. “I love you, too, Peg.” He smirked when the anxiety left her and relief flooded her body at his words. “I know it’s going to be hard, being apart, but that won’t change for me, either. We’re going to make it through all of this, somehow. And I’ll see you soon. As soon as I can, first chance they’ll let me, ok?”

He leaned down, kissing her gently, and though Peggy felt a lot better, she still felt the tiny stirrings of fear and guilt. “Somehow,” she whispered.

~*~

He held her hand tight as they stepped through the low brush, moving to the tiny outcropping of trees they’d claimed as their own since they’d been at this base as the sun set low.

It was ridiculously easy to get the compass in front of the cameras. The newsreel team, knowing they had a great piece of gossip on their hands, made an effort to keep Phillips as preoccupied as possible when that little bit of footage came up, making it easy for Phillips to “miss” it as he approved the footage.

Meanwhile, Steve and Peggy snuck in as many moments alone together as they could in the last few days, knowing indulging would help their case in the long run. Peggy never mentioned to Steve that it helped soothe her fear that when all of this was over, she’ll have lost him.

Steve leaned back against a large pine, pulling her into his arms. “How long do you think we have?”

“Sixteen minutes before the next patrol,” Peggy answered as she kissed him, fingers running through his hair, “give or take.”

“I meant,” he lifted her from her feet with a smile and let her wrap her legs around his hips as he turned, pressing her back up against the tree, “how long do you think we have before they transfer you?”

Peggy hummed as he started kissing across her collar bone. “A day, maybe two at the most. I think they start showing it tonight in London.”

“I still don’t like this,” he muttered, pausing his kisses and nuzzling into her neck. “The idea of you out there, with Hydra…”

Peggy pressed him back. “I’ll have you know I was fighting Hydra long before you came along—”

“I know.”

“—and I can take care of myself.”

He was chastised, but looked at her earnestly. “You’re right. I’m being—”

“Chauvinistic?” She quirked her eyebrow at him and shook her head. “Overprotective? Pigheaded?” She shook her head, sighing as her temper softened. “It’s all dangerous, Steve.”

He moved a hand to cup her cheek, drawing his thumb up over her cheek. “I still have a way with words, huh?”

She smiled at that. “You still talk to me about as well as you did that day in the car.” She pecked a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Lucky you, I find that endearing.”

He returned the gesture. “Lucky me, indeed.”

“Come along, then,” Peggy gave a gentle tug to his head, angling him back to her neck. “We’ve got to make the most of what we have left, and I estimate we’re down to fifteen minutes.”

“Yes, Ma’am!”

~*~

“This is it.” Phillips was calm, just the way he always was before he sent his troops into battle. Peggy found it reassuring and frightening at the same time. “If you have any doubts, I need to hear them right now.”

Peggy looked at Steve, his blue eyes pleading for her to call it, for her to stop this whole thing. But she knew he understood, just as she did, that despite the risks, there could be a greater reward.

“No doubts.” She stood tall, shoulders back. She knew this was going to hurt, no matter how fake it was.

“Son?” Phillips looked at Steve, eyes just as steeled.

“None, sir.” Steve shook his head and handed over his compass.

The speed with which Phillips changed gears and started yelling startled them both. They all knew it had to be a show, and had to be believable, but Steve was unprepared for the way Phillips let fly, and for how loud he was.

The Colonel, as ever, had known what he was doing. Within seconds, Steve could see little eyes and ears at the edges of the tent where the flaps didn’t quite close, hoping to get just a snippet or two of what the man was saying.

Peggy bit her lip, listening as Phillips let loose words and accusations he’d never used with her, but had always been quick to the lips of other men around female officers.

Neither was ready for the way Phillips took the compass and threw it like a fast ball out of the tent and into the mud.

“What, Carter?” he asked harshly, his voice still booming. “You gonna cry now?”

Her lip quivered. She wanted to. And she could see standing as close to him as she was, that in his eyes, Phillips regretted everything he was saying. “No.”

“No, what?” He let loose.

“No, sir!” She fairly yelled back, a tear slipping from her eye.

At that he winced. He stepped back, took a deep breath, and pressed on. “And you, Rogers.”

Steve said nothing, just swallowed heavily.

“I never expected anything out of you in the first place. How nice of you to not disappoint.” Steve hung his head, the words cutting deep. “Latrines. Now. You’re digging and cleaning them until you hear otherwise from me, got that?”

“Yes, sir.” Steve parroted back, his voice loud but broken.

“Just because you look good in tights doesn’t mean you’re worth more than shit around here.” Phillips shook his head, lips pressed tight. “And you.”

“Latrines as well, sir?” Peggy asked, trying to sure up her voice the best she could.

“You think I’m a damn fool who was born yesterday?” He shook his head, hands on his hips, the steam rolling out of him. “Go pack your things. You’re on a transport in one hour. Because you’re a lady you get a nice, cushy, office job back in London. I’m sure the typing pool will benefit greatly.”

Phillips’ head fell, he couldn’t look at either of them. “Well, what are you waiting for?” He bellowed. “Go!”

Steve pretended not to see the men scurry away from the tent as he exited. He couldn’t help but look at Peggy as she followed him out. Her eyes were full of tears he knew she would try desperately to keep from falling.

Peggy stopped, crouching in the mud to pick up his compass. She pulled out a handkerchief from her back pocket, cleaning it the best she could before she handed it to him, avoiding his eyes and using the cleaning an excuse to get her emotions back under control.

Steve stuttered, unsure of what to say. Phillips had cut them both to the quick, even if it was for show. “You, uh… you want help with your trunks?”

“I can manage,” she whispered, eyes still on the handkerchief in her hands.

Steve shoved the compass in his pocket, looking around. The men who had been listening at the tent had scattered and they were, by all appearances, alone. Not that it mattered anymore. For better or worse, for real or for cover story, they were no longer a secret. “Peg,” he pleaded, taking her hands in his, “look at me.”

She huffed out a breath and looked up. “Harder than I thought.” She nodded quickly. “I’ve... I have to…” She tilted her head towards her tent. “Soon,” she whispered, leaning into him. “Somehow.”

“Somehow,” he parroted back. He wanted to kiss her, but knew he couldn’t. There was just one piece left of the puzzle. He took a deep breath. “Hard as you can, ok?” His whisper was as quiet as he could make it. “Don’t hold back.”

Peggy steeled herself, taking short deep breaths. She pushed away, hurt that was real for the both of them written plainly across her face. “This is all your fault, Steve Rogers!” With a cry she wound up and slapped him, hard, across the jaw.

Steve cradled his cheek as she turned, stomping away.

He hated that this was going to be his last memory of her for a long time. He just kept telling himself that he’d see her soon. Soon.

Bucky stepped up next to him, slinging his arm around his shoulder. “What the hell happened, Steve?”

Steve just shook his head. “Hell if I know.”

“Come on,” Bucky turned him around. “We can go get some wax or something to stick in your nose so that super soldier sniffer of yours doesn’t lay you out in the latrines while you tell me all about it.”

[translations-by-aiimee]

Dig a Grave to Dig Out a Ghost - Chapter 20

Original Title: 挖坟挖出鬼

Genres: Drama, Horror, Mystery, Supernatural, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter Index

Chapter 20 - Wronged

Xiao Yu didn't make him do anything this time. Lin Yan pulled over a small bench and sat by the bathtub. When he opened his eyes again, Xiao Yu was lying on the edge of the bathtub, his face directly in front of Lin Yan's. Lin Yan almost fell off the bench in fright. He straightened himself, hand clutching at his chest.

What was wrong? Why was he suddenly so nervous? Lin Yan shook his head vigorously to get rid of the strange thoughts in his mind and took a deep breath. He gathered Xiao Yu's hair and soaked it in the water, building up suds in his hands. The temperature in the room from the summer night and two bodies was really uncomfortable, but the air around the ghost felt like it was being blown out of a refrigerator. Lin Yan, greedy for a bit of the coolness emanating off him, pressed his fingers against Xiao Yu's scalp, rubbing it gently. He couldn't help but proudly exclaim: "I'm pretty good at this, aren't I? Am I better than your maid?"

Xiao Yu raised his hand and touched his face. Lin Yan ducked, trying to dodge, but didn't get out of the way in time and his face was smeared with foam. He started playing with it, scooping the foam up and smearing it onto Xiao Yu's face. When he inadvertently wiped it on his eyes, Xiao Yu didn't duck away. He blinked and caught Lin Yan's wrist, and whispered, "That hurts."

"Don't-don't move, I'll help you wash it out." ​​Lin Yan was startled. He lowered the temperature of the faucet water and poured it over Xiao Yu's head. The ghost closed his eyes docilely, and his black hair flattened against his shoulders under the impact of the water. Lin Yan brushed away the foam on his eyelids with his fingers. He couldn't help but look down. A pair of long eyebrows that always appeared uneven, eyes slightly closed, neat sideburns, and the bridge of his nose so sharp, it was like a knife. . . It was really... how could a ghost look so pretty. . .

Lin Yan was in a daze, and a thought appeared in his mind.

A kiss. . . A kiss would be okay.

After all, he had been kissed so many times before.

He could just return the favour.

Lin Yan slowly lowered his head, and pressed his lips to Xiao Yu's cheek. . .

Bang. The cold metal shell of the showerhead slammed against the edge of the bathtub and made a muffled thud. Lin Yan was frightened and jumped back, and he came back to his senses. What he was doing? Lin Yan stared blankly at the showerhead that kept spraying water after it fell in the bathtub. From his neck all the way to his cheeks, he flushed as red as a cooked piece of shrimp.

He must have been out of his mind to try and kiss a ghost that was trying to kill him.

"Lin Yan." Xiao Yu gently called him, picking up the shower and placing it into Lin Yan's hand. His wet arms wrapped around Lin Yan's neck and forced his head down. Lin Yan reacted instinctively and tried to pull away. However, the ghost was too strong. One tried desperately to back away, the other dragging him forward. Lin Yan’s flip-flops slipped on the soapy floor. He lost his balance and pushed into Xiao Yu as he fell into the bathtub.

There was a muffled thump, and water splashed in all directions. Lin Yan was soaked from head to toe. He pulled himself up on the edge of the bath and spit out mouthfuls of water. He angrily wiped the soap bubbles off his face. He turned over, pushing Xiao Yu down and muttered: "Ok, you bastard, see if I help you now!" The sloshing water continued to make noise, and the two people huddled together in the hot water.

The steam accumulating in the bathroom grew thicker and thicker, and it was even getting difficult to see the outline of the door. The water vapour formed beads on the black and white shower curtain, rolling down in small drops. Lin Yan threw his drenched T-shirt onto the ground, lying side by side with Xiao Yu in only his boxers. Xiao Yu's whole body was as cool as marble, and it was very refreshing to stick to him.

Lin Yan stared at the ceiling and let out a long sigh of relief. It had been half a year, and this empty house had the touch of another human for the first time since Weiwei left. It just so happened that the human turned out to be a ghost.

It was like a real home. He could hear the mundane sounds of activities when he got back every day. Someone was there to watch TV with him during dinner. When he fell asleep, he could wrap his leg around the body of the person next to him. When he took a bath, there was someone splashing around and making trouble for him. There was someone there to complain about whether he put too much salt in their food or not, someone who could help him through nightmares. Lin Yan thought, whether it was the so-called 'love' or not, it felt good having someone by his side.

Lin Yan nudged Xiao Yu with his elbow, and sighed softly, "If you were still alive, we could be friends. You could come to my house for sweet and sour pork ribs on the weekend."

"Yin Zhou used to be cheeky and lounged around my place, but now he's too afraid and you and won't come anymore."

Xiao Yu suddenly turned his face and pulled on Lin Yan's arm, fixedly looking at him. He said slowly, ". . . Come with me."

"On July 15?" Lin Yan felt cold.

Xiao Yu nodded seriously.

Lin Yan stared at his fingers in a daze. He wasn't sure how to convince such a stubborn and domineering ghost, and he didn't want to disappoint him, but they were both just too different. He would look for a job, maybe get married, raise some kids, and spend the rest of his dull life eating and working. Xiao Yu should walk his own path, too. He walked through the Sanzu River, went over the Naihe Bridge, and drank the clear water from a wooden bowl. From then on, he could forget the past, treat his future as a blank piece of white paper and write himself a new life.

Pick up the pen, dip it in the ink, and forget about what came before. They should never have crossed paths.

"I can't." Lin Yan said softly, "I still have parents, friends. Xiao Yu, don't make things difficult. I have to live."

"No matter how difficult it is, I'll help you remember why you're here so you can fulfill your wish." Lin Yan sat up on the edge of the bathtub. "You have to be a good ghost so you can get reincarnated. Maybe we can meet again in the next life. I'll be a bearded old man by then, and I promise you won't be able to look away when you see me."

Lin Yan lifted up the edge of his wet boxers, stepping onto the tiles and trying to climb out. Suddenly a cold hand stretched out from underneath the water to grab his ankle, and then yanked hard. The bottom of the pool was wet and slippery. Lin Yan was already standing unsteadily, and he fell straight on his back. The moment his head hit the edge of the bathtub, it was cushioned by a palm. With a muffled sound, Lin Yan rested on the side of the bathtub with both hands under the water. The sharp pain in his back made him suck in a cold breath. When he opened his eyes, he was faced with a pair of cloudy pupils, reflecting his figure, infinitely embarrassed.

The surrounding temperature instantly cooled down.

Oh, he was angry.

After a moment of hesitation, Xiao Yu grabbed Lin Yan's hair and pressed him into the water. Lin Yan kicked his legs indiscriminately. The warm water rushed around from all directions. He was unable to breathe, unable to even make a sound. The warm water mixed with the shower gel poured into his mouth and went up his nose. Lin Yan shook his head helplessly under the water, and a hand that stretched out from the water squeezed Xiao Yu's wrist tightly.

The sound of the gurgling water seemed to be magnified by a loudspeaker when it hit his eardrums. His vision was distorted by the water flow, but he could make out Xiao Yu's wicked and vicious face. One hand wrapped around Lin Yan's neck and kept him underwater, the other hand wantonly stroking his chest.

The pain of suffocation and choking on water cut through his lungs like a razor blade. While his hair floated under the water, his eyes were wide open, full of fear and despair.

With a splash of water, Lin Yan was pulled up from under the water against Xiao Yu's waist and buckled softly against Xiao Yu's body. Unable to get up in a breath, Lin Yan closed his eyes and unconsciously squeezed Xiao Yu's arm. Lin Yan spit out a mouthful of water and started coughing violently until his back was beaten a few times.

It hurt everywhere. His nose, lungs, and back were all screaming like crazy. Lin Yan had never felt this crappy before in his life. He gasped for breath, coughing and spitting water, his ears buzzing. It was like a rag doll being pushed around by Xiao Yu. It took a long time to calm himself down, sobbing aggrievedly.

"Lin Yan, Lin Yan. . ." The hushed voice was full of anxiety, and his icy hand stroked down his back like he was a kitten.

"Don't touch me, stay away from me. . ." Lin Yan trembled on Xiao Yu's shoulder.

There was a small pop sound. The light in the bathroom went out, and their surroundings sank into dark silence.

The sudden darkness made Lin Yan's vision go black. All he could feel was a pair of cold hands supporting his waist. With a gentle tug, he fell back into Xiao Yu's arms. He tilted his head slightly, and his lips were sealed by the man's. His tongue was like a snake's, slithering in and licking around.

He was gentle, but he also wasn't allowing any room for Lin Yan to resist. Xiao Yu’s arms lay across his chest like steel tongs. Lin Yan couldn’t move his neck. He could only slightly tilt his head to match the other. He opened his lips and let the cool tongue slip in and out of his mouth. Then, the overwhelming emotions tumbled out, forcing him to respond.

The previous violent acts seemed to have allowed this ghost to gain complete control over him, but after three or two minutes of lingering teasing, Lin Yan's whole body softened, and the sudden breathing caused the pain in his chest to spike again. Lin Yan grabbed Xiao Yu's arm, muttering softly between the deep kisses: "It hurts. Xiao Yu, it hurts."

The steel tongs loosened, and Lin Yan leaned over the edge of the bathtub and coughed vigorously.

The cold hand rubbed his back and then started to lightly pat it. Until Lin Yan's breathing slowly calmed down, he clasped his abdomen from behind, hooking his arms around him and gently licked his earlobe.

"Hey. . ." After having an extremely sensitive place sucked repeatedly, Lin Yan couldn't help sucking in a breath and he curled up his legs.

The snake-like tongue refused to let him go. After getting that initial response, his tongue moved up his ear and made a suggestive sound beside it, while his palm restlessly stroked Lin Yan's chest, pressing into his incessantly. Lin Yan's breathing started to heat up. His whole body felt like it was on fire, but his mind was clear. Lin Yan pursed his lips and tried to control his body's reaction. With his head resting on Xiao Yu's shoulder, he raised his gaze to look at him. His eyes were filled with rage but also with desire. Looking at the pair of eyes filled with such vivid emotions, Xiao Yu was stunned. He lowered his head and continued to kiss him.

The handsome man curled up in his arms was like a cat. As Xiao Yu's kiss deepened, drool slipped out from the corners of Lin Yan's mouth. He only felt that his reactions were completely out of his control. Xiao Yu's bare legs were wedged between his knees, Lin Yan couldn't help but pester him further, his legs clamped around him and rubbed gently into him.

Like a slab of marble, he was firm and cold, a sharp contrast with the heat emanating from the bathtub.

Ever since this all started, he was constantly being teased. First, he was teased with being touched, then teased with him the sight of him. The ghost had kissed him everywhere from his fingers to his forehead in public crowds so often that it was even driving God crazy at this point. Lin Yan shifted desperately and wrapped his arms around Xiao Yu's waist, the desire that had been suppressed all night pouring out of him. Clearly, he had been born gay. Lin Yan hopelessly squeezed the ghost's waist. His heart was angry but his body felt like it was being electrified. Right up until Xiao Yu peeled off the thin pair of boxers he was wearing, his cold palms had been rubbing against his already very reactive member through the white cotton underwear.

"Go away." Lin Yan shook his head helplessly with a low voice: "Don't touch me."

The man's expression in front of him didn't change. His eyebrows stretched to his temples and the steam formed tiny droplets of water on his jade-like face, soaking his freshly washed black hair, it sticking to his face. His thin lips looked like they had been smeared with honey. The ghost couldn't blush, nor could he tremble and sweat like Lin Yan. Lin Yan panted heavily with Xiao Yu's movements, raising his gaze to stare at those chaotic eyes. Not a hint of clarity could be seen in them at this point. They looked like the eyes of a beast, filled with the intent to kill, holding no remorse. Xiao Yu hooked the edge of Lin Yan's underwear with his fingers, wrapping his hand around the limb that enthusiastically popped out.

A string of sparks exploded in Lin Yan's mind, the intense pleasure making him unable to resist biting down on the ghost's shoulder.

"Xiao Yu. . . you're already dead. . ."

". . . Please, don't. . ."

"Xiao Yu. . . let me go."

Lin Yan shook his head uncomfortably, one hand hooked around Xiao Yu's neck as his hand jerked, breathing more and more rapidly. Xiao Yu clenched his waist and spun him around so that he had to cross his legs around the other's hips, the stiffness between his thighs rubbing against Lin Yan's stomach. The shame and frustration of it all made Lin Yan unable to control himself. He must be going crazy. None of this should be happening. Ghosts and humans are two very different things. Even though he knew that the ghost was there to take his life, he couldn't resist. His heart was on fire, the steam in the bathroom felt boiling hot, the thrill of ravenous pleasure making him burn from the inside out.

"Don't touch me anymore. . ."

"Please, please, Xiao Yu. . . I feel like I'm dying. . ."

"I want, I want. . ." Lin Yan's nose was soaked in beads of sweat, and his cheeks were flushed. He was flustered, talking nonsense like a beast in heat. Xiao Yu pulled his face towards him and kissed him again. Lin Yan stuck his tongue into Xiao Yu’s mouth and wrapped his lips around his to deepen it. The hand that was gripping Xiao Yu's shoulder was caught and led down to hold the large object pressed against his stomach. The two were entwined in the tub, moving in each other's hands.

Desire overtook him. Lin Yan whimpered and bit Xiao Yu’s neck. His hand was covered by Xiao Yu, leading him to grasp the two members touching each other. The almost masturbatory action completely shattered his self-esteem. At the same time, the desire that he had secretly concealed for years was magnified beyond what he could bear. In front of him was the nape of Xiao Yu's neck and the indentation of his collarbone. The hot organ between his thighs rubbed against Xiao Yu. The hot water came up just high enough to cover the frigid body of the other person. Lin Yan put his damp head on Xiao Yu's shoulders. His body arched. He let out a low groan and a white cloud was released all over Xiao Yu's body.

He must be crazy. Lin Yan panted heavily on Xiao Yu's shoulder. His vision was a bit blurry, but the eyes of the person under him seemed to grow cold for a moment. Before Lin Yan was able to calm himself down, Xiao Yu abruptly pushed him off and rolled out of the tub.

"What are you doing?" Lin Yan asked tremblingly on the edge of the bathtub.

Xiao Yu didn't respond. He picked up the shirt with a snake pattern embroidered on it that Lin Yan had thrown on the chair and draped it over his body. He turned his back to him, fixed his hair and tied the belt around himself. He looked back at him with a pair of cold black eyes filled with contempt, marched out of the bathroom and slammed the door heavily.

There was a muffled sound.

Lin Yan lay in the bathtub alone, clutching at the cold ceramic tiles with his soaking wet hands, unable to even get a word out.

With a small click, the light came back on.

[The author has something to say: it's spoiler time! The monster-catching squad is getting together again, and it's not to catch Xiao Yu this time, but a . . . Xiao Yu will be here as a monster catcher this time, too! The husband and wife are quarrelling. Warm and hearing little paragraph~

I'll explain the nature of ghosts. It was originally the task of the little Daoist priest in the following chapters, but since everyone is asking me, I'll tell you in advance. In the Maoshan religion, ghosts are creatures that are inferior to the living. They can cultivate into an ethereal body, and then a real body, which means that even the most powerful ghosts have to head towards the living realm to increase their power. Xiao Yu, as a ghost who has cultivated his true body, can control his form and maintain his human desire (lol, this is very important!). He's more like a demon or a monster than a ghost, lol~

He can sleep. I think it’s just a habit of being a human being. He can talk. Of course ghosts can talk. Xiao Yu’just degraded a bit after staying in the dark for a long time. He will naturally change back when he gets along with Lin Yan. . . He will become more and more like a human being. After all, he wants to marry a wife, right?]

[katsukis-sad-angel]

FatSquadCanons; During and right after the Chisaki arc

Pairing: Taishiro Toyomitsu x Reader, Eijirou Kirishima x Reader, & Tamaki Amajiki x Reader

Summary: The Fat Gum squad and their girlfriends/wives/fiancees during and right after the Chisaki Arc in My Hero academia

Warnings: Sex talk, slight angst, mentions of intercourse, cock-warming, swearing, cuteness

Author’s Note: That gif below brought back the sun, cured my depression, got rid of my anxiety, cured the coronavirus, and made Jesus rise from the cross and beat the shit out of Pontious Pilate

Enjoy!

Taishiro Toyomitsu

Mostly SFW

Misses you

A LOT

You’re so pretty and happy and you give the best hugs and have the sweetest voice so being deprived of those things for so long…

But he had to focus

They had to save Eri, so he couldn’t have your elegant features staining the cloth of his mind right now

You, on the other hand, try and cope with your worry, lust, and sadness by rolling up in his spare hero hoodies and his big black shirts because they’re warm and they smell just like him

You miss the way he held you in his arms as though you were made of porcelain, the way he kissed your lips like it was the last time, his big, warm, soft stomach you could sink into, the twisty blonde hair you loved combing your fingers through, his big smile, his huge hands, his hugs, his lips, his dick, and his laugh

That chuckle...

It would be the death of you

You just wanted to be back in his arms… or in his lap…

Or under him while he fucked your brains out

Pick one

He hasn’t been home in 2 whole week

So your touch starved as fuck, hungry for dick, lonely, sad, and worried

You’ve been eating dinner alone and the news has been on nonstop

So when he comes home with bandages all over his scraggly, skinny yet buff body, you immediately start bawling your eyes out

You’re so happy he’s safe and alive

He holds out one of his arms to you and you stumble from your chair and collapse into his arms

“Tai! Oh, my god!”

He picks you up and carries you to the couch like the goddess you are and lays down with you, kissing your cheeks, telling you how beautiful you are and how much he missed you until your stormy sobs have calmed to the occasional violent hiccup

“Honey bear, it’s ok. I’m here now. Don’t cry sweetheart…”

I want him to call me ‘honey bear’

The two of you lay there for the rest of the day

You get up occasionally to get your man food and to take a piss, but that’s about it

Refuses to let go of your waist even though his stomach sounds like a possessed garbage disposal

“Don’t worry about me Y/n, I’m fine. Just stay here, ok?”

You rest your head on his chest to listen to the beat of his heart

Nice pecs pillow

Forehead kisses, ear nibbles, ass and thigh grabs, hand kisses, etc

He’s all over you

He thinks you such a beautiful goddamn queen through the bright red tearstains and the evidence of emotional eating that had gathered on your hips

He tells you that, just the part about your cute and squishy hips

You end up falling asleep like that under a pile of blankets

NSFW

The very next day, as soon as you’re up, you start riding him like a horse

“That’s it babygirl, be a nice little cowgirl for me. Just like that~”

“Did you miss my cock while I was gone?” He’ll whisper in your ear, sucking on one of your piercings

“Yes, fuck yes I did Tai!”

Holds your bouncing hips with the one hand that works, kisses you, sucks tiddy, and makes sure you get off at least twice before he does

When he’s done, you collapse on his chest, panting

For a couple of hours, you lay there cock warming him because he asked you to

Then his stomach started up again and you got off and fed him everything in the house while naked because he asked you too

The end

Because you asked me too

Tamaki Amajiki

SFW

…

Poor sweet elf boi

Doesn’t really know how to cope

Spends a lot of time locked in his room

You notice he’s eating less

When he allows you to come into his room, he’s always wearing one of the hoodies you let him have

On those nights, there isn’t a lot of talking, but there is a lot of cuddling

He rests his head either on your chest or your stomach, wraps his muscley arms around your waist and holds you close

Whispers ‘I love you y/n.’ every so often

You’re really worried about him

His pretty black eyes are dull, he slouches more, Mirio can’t cheer him up, you can’t cheer him up, his indigo floof droops a little, dark bags under his eyes, stutters a lot more → talks even less than before, he looks sad, and is jumpy

He’s been really distant too

Staring off into the distance, completely zoned out and lost in his thoughts

24/7

So one day when he comes back from patrol with that spunky redhead and Fatgum, you go to his room and knock

No answer

You knock again

Still no answer

You fumble with the doorknob, but it’s locked

Using your quirk, you manage to get it open

“Tama, why is your-”

“Tamaki?”

Tamaki Amajiki was rolled up in several blankets, making him look like an adorable burrito

He was struggling to escape his warm cocoon, squeaking softly as he attempted to get his arms out

He blushed as soon as you saw him and then tried to hide his face in embarrassment, but you didn’t let him sink too far

You smiled indulgently and helped him unroll

“Tamaki, if you were cold then- Wait… are those my socks?”

“Yes.” He mumbled, hiding his face in your shoulder

You giggled

“Don’t be embarrassed Tama! If you want my clothes, just ask!”

You wrap your arms around him and pull him down so you’re laying comfortably in his bed together

“How are you doing?” You coo, stroking his soft indigo locks

“Awful.” He mumbled, burying his face in your chest

“I’m sorry to hear that…” You reply, tracing the indent on the back of his neck, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yes. But I’m not allowed.”

“Oh. That’s ok. I don’t mean to be insensitive, but just try not to think about it. I know it’s hard and you’re under a lot of pressure, but tonight, just think about me. Or takoyaki. Or Nejire and Mirio.”

“You smell good.” He whispered bashfully, “New perfume?”

“Mm-hm! You like it?”

“Yup.”

“Good.”

You smiled sweetly, letting his soft voice (I love you Aaron Dismuke) play its melody over and over again in your brain

You were so lucky

You kissed his forehead and whispered, “If you need someone to talk to, I’m right here Tamaki. Ok?”

He nodded sleepily, eyelids drooping from lack of sleep

“I love you bunny.”

“Sweet dreams.” You sigh, relaxing in his safe embrace

NSFW

Don’t get me wrong, Tamaki is one of the sweetest, kindest, most adorable yet hot guys EVER, but he isn’t some fucking pushover

He’s domming your sorry ass in bed, whether you like it or not

He’s got tentacles

TENTACLES

GOOD HENTAI ANIME = TENTACLES

And he fucking knows how to use them to make you scream

He also has a cow hoof you can stretch yourself on

What happens if he eats noodles?

But that’s beside the point

Tentacles

With those, he can tease you, tie you up, make you cum, squirt, serve as a second dick for ur arse, put them in your mouth, etc etc etc

Anything you can imagine

Picture this: Tamaki is fucking your from behind, buried to the hilt in your cunt. Two tentacles trapping your arms against your back, one in your ass, one in your mouth, and one massaging your throbbing clit

You’re overstimulated, moaning, and crying from the pleasure, pain, and overwhelming arousal

“Do you like my tentacles Bunny? Does it feel good?”

“So wet for me… such a pretty Bunny when I fuck you like this.”

“More? Greedy bunnies get punished~”

Loves it when you’re all needy, hot, and bothered underneath him, begging for just a simple touch

It makes him feel really strong and happy

Knows it feels good because you make the most erotic faces

Nuts almost immediately when you do → tongue lolling out, eyes rolled back, mouth open in a silent scream, and cheeks flushed

Aftercare? 

You won’t even remember the accidental scratch you got from the lobster claw

Sore pussy and/or ass?

Hickeys?

Dry throat?

Hungry?

Anything marring the beautiful expanse of skin before him?

Gone

He’ll massage you, give you a bath, food, water, endless kisses, hums to you softly, bandage you up (if need be) and tuck you in

He NEVER wants to lose you to someone else, so he makes ABSOLUTELY sure, you’re 100% feeling loved at the end

He loves you so much

Never forget that

Eijirou Kirishima

Mostly SFW

Baby boy…

He has been very distant since this whole thing started

No more study and cuddle sessions (where you normally end up fucking)

Fewer hugs and kisses

No big girl fun time in bed

Not as many baby shark doot doo doo doo doo smiles

*author drowns in utter despair*

All you have are the clothes you steal from his closet every now and then

(every time you’re in his room) cough

So while boi is being a distant and depressing fuck, you bundle up in all 11 of his Crimson Riot hoodies (some of them are used as pants) and think about him

His garnet irises, his adorable sharp-toothed smile, his killer upper body, his soft red hair, his voice (thank you Justin Cook), his hands, his dick, his manliness, the tiny scar above his eyebrow, and his sharp jawline

Perfection

Kiri, on the other hand, wonders why you’re spending so much time in your room all alone and why fuck cuddle nights stopped

Right when he needed all of the love and support, it stopped

Were you mad at him?

Did he do something to upset or offend you?

Did he say something rude or insensitive without thinking about it?

Did you get tired of him?

Did you want to break up?

Had Bakugou finally stolen your heart from him?

He couldn’t tell

You looked to upset all the time, giving him distant looks, suddenly running to your room with your eyes full of… shit, were those tears?

No, not eyes full of shit

Eyes full of tears

Come on guys

He ran after you, but by the time he got to your hallway, you were already locked in your room

He knocked on the door

“Who… Who is it?” You whimpered in a choked voice

“Uh, Eiji… your boyfriend…” He said softly, running a hand through his softened locks, “Can I come in?”

“I…” You pause, “I guess. Gimme a minute.”

Shuffling sounds

*nose-blowing*

Then the door opened to reveal a slouching you in one of his hoodies

You had a used tissue scrunched in your fist

“Babe, are you ok? You’ve been acting really weird lately and I’m worried!” Said the pure ginger shark

“E-Ever s-since you s-started that work-study, you’ve been r-really d-distant so I thought you might’ve f-found someone else. Either that or you j-just needed t-time alone.” You whimpered, holding back tears for what seemed like the billionth time that day

“Baby girl, no one could ever replace you!”

Sharky pulls you into a hug

“I’m sorry you thought that Y/n. I’ve just been really zoned out because I’m trying to balance school, work-study, and our relationship all at once. I really need those study nights honey, I’m begging you. You explain stuff so simply and your notes are really descriptive. I love you so much and I don’t like it when you’re sad, because then I’m sad and then everyone is sad.”

“Eiji… I’m sorry, don’t blame all this on your self. I’m just being a whiny bitch.”

“Don’t say that!!”

“But I-”

You were cut off by a kiss

Eijirou cupped your flushed cheek tenderly with one hand, and with the other, he held the small of your back so you were flush up against him

“Eijirou…”

That night, you fall asleep on his chest, but Kiri can’t sleep

His phone on your nightstand flashes and he carefully picks it up, turning down the brightness so as not to disturb you

Apparently, it’s time

Carefully, he slips out of bed to join Midoriya, Ochaco, and Tsuyu downstairs

NSFW

When all of that is over and Kirishima is in your arms safe and sound again, he gets down on you before you even pull out your flashcards

Presses you back into the carpet and starts sucking your face

“Eiji? Wha-”

“Sssh.”

Clothes start flying everywhere except away from you and your horny boyfriend, who has moved onto your neck and jawline, kissing and nipping along your collarbones and mandible

You thread your shaking fingers through his pretty red hair

“So wet for me already?” 

“Mmmh, you smell so good…” Eijirou moaned, sucking your puffy clit, his hands clamped on your hips to prevent you from bucking or squirming

“M-More… please, more! I need more Eiji~”

“Did you miss me, or just my cock?”

“Both- fuuuuck~ Eijirou oh my gOd~”

“You like that sweetie? Huh? Tell me how much you like it~”

…

*coughs*

You can hardly walk the next day

But don’t worry

Kiri will treat you like a queen and carry you around until you fall off or feel better

No studying happened unless you count Eiji learning to make you squirt

Otherwise, no

Neither of you did anything productive

But you did have a fun, sensual evening with the person you loved most

Nighteye Squad hc’s coming soon!

[lavendertwilight89]

InuxKag Week 2020--Day 5 Instinct

Tell me Again

AU Themed! Rated T (adult-situation and themes are hinted and spoke about not acted upon)

@inukag-week​ @superpixie42 @lemonlushff @dangerouspompadour @keichanz @cstormsinukagblog @willowandfog @inuyashaloverforever @xfangheartx @clearwillow  @umacaking @bluejay785 @smmahamazing @murdergiraffe @faulkner-blog @sapphirestarxx @swaggingtomboy @sarah-writes-stories @hnnwnchstr @wolverine1092

He had no idea how much time had actually passed since he was almost killed by his mother’s people. Something happened to him that day. Something dreadful and terrible. In his transformation, he killed all the villagers. He slaughtered them without regret or remorse. He killed aimlessly until his brother finally found him and knocked sense into him. He wasn’t even sure how long had had been in such a mindless killing state. He wasn’t taken down in the best way, but not the worst either. He could have been killed. Honestly, he didn’t care one way or the other at that point. He knew he really disappointed his mother—the only woman who would ever love him for the monster that he was.

He was trapped in his brother’s prison after that; he wasn’t even sure how long he’d been there before he re-woke in his heightened awareness state. Each time Sesshomaru got close, he felt his control slipping, sounds rolling out of his throat from his chest—purely instinctual things he had no understanding of—no control of. He couldn’t control himself; even when he was alone, that underlying feeling of control was so far out of reach. 

His mother’s people treated him like a freak, an outcast, a nothing. They were right. Beyond right. His mother, Kami rest her soul, had been wrong about him. Even though Sesshomaru hadn’t been a part of his life until he found him killing anything and everything that moved, even he didn’t deserve the attacks and snarls that were pointed at him.

He had met Sesshomaru maybe twice while his mother was alive. He was silent, stoic towards them. His mother was nothing but kind to him, offering him lodging, food, care. Sesshomaru always passed on the offer and insulted her blood. It pissed Inuyasha off but she always settled him down—she knew Sesshomaru didn’t care for humans. She knew deep down he resented her for their father leaving his own mother, InuKimi. She never faulted him for his anger or coldness and warned Inuyasha to do the same.

“Mother, why does he bother to come around?” Inuyasha asked one day while they sat in the palace garden.

“While he says he does not care about us, he does. I believe he wishes to honor your father and protect his pack,” Izayoi said as she brushed through his hair gently.

“Why?”

“His father was everything to him; he wants to follow in his footsteps as Lord of the West.”

“But mother—I don’t understand.”

“You will when you’re older, my love. You will learn what pack is.”

It had to have been at least hundreds of years since that conversation he shared with his mother. Sesshomaru had aged in the time since he found Inuyasha. Not in the, he’s old and wrinkly, just older, like a mature full-grown demon. Inuyasha hadn’t actually seen himself in a mirror in ages—but he knew he was past his lanky awkward stage. He’d finally stopped trying to escape; the only time he fought to try to be released was when his brother would show up. Something about seeing him made him angry, defensive. He still had no idea what his mother meant by pack or why the bastard even gave a damn. 

While he had only met Sesshomaru twice, while his mother said to trust his brother—he didn’t. He couldn’t. Not after he let his mother die. 

It didn’t matter if he tried to speak to him with words or in inuyoukai. He didn’t understand how he knew what the fuck he was saying, but he was able to reply. It didn’t matter that he seemed like he was trying to help him. Bottom line came out to he literally couldn’t trust him. Something deep inside forbade it. The voice demanded he attack. Snarl. Defend.

Recently the ass had the stupid toad start bringing in women to bring him food. Deep down he swore the bastard was trying to poison him. While he felt like it would be illogical in one part of his mind, the baser more powerful part wouldn’t eat for days to be safe.

When the women started showing up, they would sit before him. Some looked nervous, some looked bored. They were demon, half, even humans. Never the same one twice. He wasn’t sure what Sesshomaru was planning but whatever it was, it was pissing him off more and more to where his bindings were beginning to crack under his demonic aura. 

He laughed to himself when at night he finally tore them off and ran. Running as fast as he could, flying through the night sky. He knew he should have killed Sesshomaru but his desire and need to be free of that stiff’s castle was far greater. Hearing a loud roar in the distance, Inuyasha laughed menacingly as he knew he would likely get his hands dirty again and his instincts couldn’t wait.

 After running for a couple of moon cycles, he finally felt a pull from a village. Something he couldn’t explain—something or someone was calling him. The call stopped short inside the forest. It just became a solid humming—it was so familiar. For the first time in however long he had been alive since his mother had died, he felt calm. The fire that had burned furiously finally seemed to simmer. It was like he wasn’t under someone’s else control. 

He stopped running through the trees and finally looked down to where he could finally see where the melodic tune was coming from—a girl.

She was young. Dressed in miko garbs. Wavy dark hair. Bright sapphire eyes. A soft complexion and looked overall peaceful. The song she hummed made his chest rumble with pleasure. 

“You know, you can join me if you want,” her cheery voice called. The sounds emerging from his chest stopped and he froze. He glared and started to growl—she was a priestess. Priestesses were a danger to someone like him—she would purify him and not think twice.

He jumped down on top of her body, trapping her beneath him, snarling in her face but she didn’t move to her bow or arrows. She stayed still and gazed upon him in wonder. There wasn’t a trace of fear or anger in her scent at all… it was almost like—what the fuck—arousal? It made him stiff hard but his instincts were still warring between fucking the helpless bitch into submission or killing her on the spot because she was going to kill them

“Easy now, I’m not gonna hurt you,” she soothed. He blinked not once but twice. 

“Your eyes… they’re golden now?” she asked softly. He pulled back off of her, suddenly able to think actual coherent thoughts racing through his brain but only continued to growl at the young woman. She sat up slowly still smiling at him.

“Are you hungry?” she said reaching into her sleeve and pulling out a piece of dried meat. He snapped his teeth and roared trying to scare her off. How dare she try to poison him!

“Kagome!!!!” he heard another young demon yell. A fox by the smell of it. A male. Lunch…

“Shippo, stay where you are,” she raised her hand back to where the kit had landed behind her.

“No! I need to protect you! He’s locked in a demon state! His instincts are controlling him! You’re a priestess! You’ll be killed!!!”

“Shhhh, there’s nothing to protect me from. He’s ok. He’s just scared. He wants to make sure I’m trustworthy, right?” her blue eyes sparkled and her smile radiated true beauty… Wow. He felt his heart hammering in his chest.

“Sister!!!” he heard another out of breath female approaching quickly.

The girl named Kagome turned her head and then looked to him panicked, “Go! You have to go now!!” She threw the food to land by him and stood shooing the young kit away as well as she grabbed her bow, arrows, and basket running towards the other girl. 

He jumped into a tree and saw the young fox in another near him and watched as the priestess ran towards the village.

“Kikyo!”

“Kagome! Are you alright?! I could sense a dark aura! Where is it?!” the other paler woman spoke hastily.

“It’s ok Kikyo he uhhhhh… ran! I was able to scare him off,” she pacified. Inuyasha could smell the hefty lie rolling off her body along with her heavy anxiety. Why was she nervous?

“Kagome…” the woman named Kikyo warned. It made his inner beast snarl at the thought that she would dare threatened his woman. Wait—what? His? His woman? Where the fuck did that come from? He knew he had gone crazy but maybe being held captive by Sesshomaru made his mind go even further off the deep end.

“Seriously Kikyo! I promise! Everything is fine! The villagers aren’t in danger—I’m not in danger—”

“You are too trusting Kagome… It will be your downfall one day. Please, from now on, don’t wander off without speaking to me. I need to protect you from yourself.”

The woman, Kagome, was now stewing but nodded and followed her sister back to the village… What the fuck. What a weird woman.

The fox kit hissed at him catching his attention. Inuyasha turned to face him again and saw the kit glaring at him.

“Please don’t hurt her. She’s the only kind human in that village. She’s all I have,” he pleaded. “I don’t want to challenge you; I know I’d lose. But…”

“I won’t hurt her,” Inuyasha admitted causing the fox tyke to jump at his voice.

“You can talk?” 

“Of course I can talk…”

“I meant as in your demon state. I can smell your instincts roaring out of control. Even Kagome’s sister could sense your animosity. Why did you spare Kagome?”

“I don’t know… something told me that I shouldn’t hurt her.” The young fox stared at him as if trying to learn more from him. Shippo jumped over to his branch and earned a snarl but Shippo remained still, like Kagome had done until Inuyasha’s instincts settled.

“I’m Shippo.”

“Inuyasha.”

“You’re… Inuyasha??” the young boy gaped.

“Why?”

“You’re just not what, well, I thought you’d be. You’re more in control now. Why?”

“Couldn’t tell ya even if I wanted to.” 

“Is she your mate??”

“Mate?”

“Yeah! Damn you’re dumb for an older demon. The one your instincts draw you to! The one that calms your blood!”

“… Mind your business runt.” All he could equate his change in demeanor to was that woman. Kagome. She settled the inner beast within him. Calmed his boiling demonic blood. All he knew was, he had to see her again.

  Kagome had grown up an outcast amongst her people. Twin to the high priestess Kikyo, she just couldn’t stack up to her sister. The villagers knew it too. They compared them since birth and while Kikyo grew up to be refined, beautiful, a perfect example of a priestess, Kagome was… cute. At best. She tried her hardest but she honestly couldn’t live up to the priestess calling she had been given.

Kikyo was powerful. She held her duty close to her heart and protected the village. She worked night and day for the town. Since they were kids, Kikyo was colder, but she was kind. Giving. Studious. Serious.

Kagome was joyful, energetic, caring, but above all, accepting. She had saved demons from the traps the villagers set and helped them escape. She wanted them all to live in peace. But she was foolish, at least in the eyes of her people. Who accepted demons? Who helped them over her own people? 

The villagers started speaking ill of her to Kikyo and the headman. They wanted her banished. She was a danger to the village if she stayed. They said she lured demons with her crazy ideas that everyone should be treated equally, that her saving them only made them want to come back and start eating their children because they were given a second chance.

She scoffed at the idea! The kitsune she saved, Shippo, only lingered in the forest and traveled with her as she gathered herbs. If anything, he drove away unwanted demons with his presence. 

At that moment, she was on her way to meet with him when she overheard the whispers and scowls. She kept her head down and almost thought maybe she should just pack her bag and leave. It was enough she was unwanted, but the idea that Kikyo had to keep defending her and her reputation was starting to wear on her. Kikyo didn’t understand Kagome’s logic or thinking but never cast doubt upon her. She just refused to train her—she left Kagome to her own devices. Which was gathering herbs. No one trusted her anyway to try to do a healing or purification. Kikyo didn’t want her to fight as she figured she wouldn’t anyway. She surmised Kagome would feed herself to a demon rather than kill it. Sighing, she straightened her bow and quiver on her back and tightened her grip on her basket in her arms. 

“Kagome!!!”

“Good morning Shippo!” she called as she caught him in her arms as he flung himself into her chest. “How are you this morning?”

“I’m good! I’ve been helping some of the weaker demons escape from the traps the villagers have been setting. I feel like they have been adding more and more every day!”

“I know; I’m so sorry Shippo. Thank you for helping them out. I wish there was more I could do,” she sighed disheartened.

“It’s ok Kagome! We all know you’re different! Inuyasha is still here today too!”

“Inuyasha?” she asked.

“The dog demon who pinned you down yesterday.”

“Oh… well good! I’m glad! Is he talking??”

“He was until you got back to the village. He’s been sulking in a tree ever since,” Shippo teased.

“I do not sulk!!!” a snarl answered in the trees. He appeared in front of Kagome quickly—looming over her small frame, bright golden irises engulfed in red, overly large fangs hanging out of his mouth… and all she could think was how attractive he was. Not how he should have frightened her, not how she should be careful, not how his demonic aura was suffocating, but how handsome he was. How different he was from the villagers. She slightly averted her eyes from the demon in front of her and sighed slightly. Like he would ever think I’m beautiful. He probably saw Kikyo yesterday and wishes I was her…

It wouldn’t be the first time she was disregarded for her sister. But Kikyo refused any suitor because of her duty to the village. She would offer Kagome’s hand instead and she was swiftly and sometimes brutally turned down. Not that Kagome wanted any of the suitors that came their way anyway. That didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt though.

Inuyasha detected the hurt in her scent and growled catching her attention. Her beautiful blue eyes locked with his and he could see the forced smile, “Of course not. How are you doing? Did you eat the dried meat? I brought more today along with some rice if you and Shippo are hungry.”

“Why are you sad?”

“Huh?” she stopped moving and looked at him confused.

“Why. Are. You. Sad?” he asked pointedly.

“Oh, no reason. I was just thinking about something stupid; come on, sit with us,” she gestured as she sat with Shippo giving him some food and then giving Inuyasha some. He blinked. It was the first time in at least a century he accepted food from someone and didn’t automatically think it was poisoned. What was wrong with him?

“So… Inuyasha? Where’d you come from? How’d you find this village?”

“Dunno.”

“Oh… ok,” she bit her lip. He obviously was just being polite and waiting for Kikyo to come grab her. She turned her back and started to brush through the grass looking for the herbs she needed to gather for Kikyo.

Shippo looked at Inuyasha and tried to coax him to talk to Kagome. Shippo, while he was substantially younger, was more helpful than Sesshomaru ever was. But then again, Inuyasha assumed it had to do with the woman’s proximity. His youkai was calmer and more willing to listen and converse with the younger demon.

“Uh… what’re ya doing?” God. He was an idiot. 

“Hm? Oh, picking herbs for my sister and village.”

“Not for you?” He upgraded to lame.

“Uh, no. This is my job—well—my chore for my sister. To help her,” she added nervously sweeping her hair behind her ears. He could sense she had grown uncomfortable with the conversation. Was she upset with her sister?

“Why does your sister upset you?” Maybe he downgraded back to stupid—he smelt her tears then. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

“She doesn’t. Not really. Why?”

“I can smell your discomfort and lies. You may as well be honest or just say you don’t want to talk about it.”

“Sigh… it’s not that she upsets me. It’s just that she overshadows me. I wish I could do more for the village but, they don’t want that. So it all falls to her. All I can do is stuff behind the scenes.”

“Why?”

“Have you ever talked with another priestess while she picked herbs with a demon fox perched up on their shoulder? Has another ever offered you food or not purified you when you pinned them?”

Yep. He was stupid. An idiot. Dammit. “That’s… nothing to be ashamed of,” he hesitated in saying.

“You’re right. I’m not. It just puts strain on my relationship with my sister and the village. I am the problem—not her."

He was starting to grow angry with her attitude, “Why are you the problem!? Obviously it’s them!”

She jumped at his words and saw his aura rising around him angrily—why was he getting so upset for her?? He stood up and started to shake with power making Shippo run for the trees calling for her to follow. She acted more than thought as she threw her body against him embracing him fully.

He stilled and she gasped realizing what she had done. She almost pulled back but when he returned her embrace she froze. She felt his nose at the nape of her neck, inhaling deeply and then pushing hot breath making her shiver in delight. Rubbing her face against his rough haori, she tried to clear her improper thoughts.

He tensed around her, taking in her scent of desire, knowing she deep down wanted him to settle—his blood needed to remain clam. 

“You’re a crazy one,” he murmured into her neck.

“I get that a lot…” she breathed.

“Why embrace a monster who was about to slaughter your village? Your family?”

“You’re not a monster,” she said pulling back but not removing her hands from his body.

“How do you know?” he asked as his golden eyes bore into her.

“Call it instinct.”

His eyes widen. Did she know?

 Their daily visits continued from the late summer to the early winter. Inuyasha would wait for her just outside of the village in the forest line. She greeted him each day with a smile. As the seasons changed, so did she. She grew more confident, touching him here and there—his arm, hand, legs... Once she had grown so bold, she brushed his hair from his face and cupped his cheek. He also felt himself slowly slipping back into a more even state of mind. His fangs and claws had shrunk, according to Shippo his eyes weren’t red, but the stripes on his cheeks never faded. Not that it seemed Kagome minded. She never commented on his appearance making her uncomfortable. Her scent also revealed she enjoyed it—possibly almost too much.

He wasn’t sure how humans courted each other. Shippo helped him understand the demon way. He had been providing her with meals for her and her sister. He had started protecting the village, staying far enough away for Kikyo to not sense when he allowed his demonic aura to grow to defend his mate. After a moon cycle, Shippo was able to relay everything Inuyasha could tell him. While he hated talking, he did need to figure out what Kagome was to him and why he couldn’t get her out of his mind. Luckily, he could pound the twerp into the ground if he revealed too much.

The only thing he could do was follow Kagome’s lead. Such as the touching. He would graze her hand as they walked, sometimes held it which made her blush and smile up at him. Often he pressed his hand on her lower back guiding her to an area where she could find certain herbs she was looking for. They hugged a couple of times, often seeking comfort and support from each other.

He had told her about his past. He wasn’t even sure how or why she had coaxed it out of him. But she had, and she soothed his anger, his regret, his remorse he actually hadn’t realized he had. She also confided in him about the village she lived in. How she honestly wished she could leave, but she couldn’t bring herself to abandon her sister. Until Kikyo told her to leave with actual words rather than back handed comments, she would stay and help as best as she could. It enraged him to know how the village treated her because she helped demons, but she told him the days and evenings they were sharing made up for her staying. She would have regretted never meeting him… Him. Of all people, she wanted to meet him. 

“Inuyasha,” she said softly as they walked into the forest together. He had forced her to wear his haori due to the chilling temperatures and Shippo perched on her shoulder to keep her neck warmer.

“What?” he asked gruffly.

“Can I ask you something?”

“I guess,” he said.

“What… Uhm, how would you feel if…” she was nervous. She didn’t know how to tell him someone had actually asked for her hand. Not Kikyo’s—but her hand in marriage. Before she could decline, Kikyo had answered for her, accepting. Kikyo spent the evening calming Kagome and telling her it was for the best. But Kagome couldn’t shake the wrongness of the engagement. Inuyasha was the one man who stuck out through her mind. Even if he just wanted to be friends, she wanted desperately to run away with him. Start over with him and Shippo. 

“Spit it out wench.”

She scoffed at the nickname he had given her in the couple months time they had spent together, but it didn’t settle her nerves.

“Are you happy here, Inuyasha?”

“Keh, it’s not so bad. Plenty to hunt, clean river nearby, villagers don’t try to bother me or the kit. Why?”

“Would you, uhm, ever want to get away from here?”

“Why? Do…do you not want me here anymore?” he asked hesitantly.

“What?! No! Of course not!” she stopped walking to face him directly and took his hands in hers. “I—there’s—oh Inuyasha—I—”

“For fuck’s sake, what’s wrong??”

“Uhmmmm… I’m gonna meet you guys at the river,” Shippo said nervously, hopping off Kagome’s shoulder and scurrying away.  

“Inuyasha…” she breathed. She was so close to tears; terrified of rejection, terrified of the future. She couldn’t win. She didn’t want to ruin what she had with Inuyasha already, but she had run out of time—literally—though she hadn’t even known time was something she didn’t even have. 

Before she was able to speak she felt a spike of demonic aura—it was angry, fearful, and downright powerful. She looked to see where it was coming from and saw a pair of golden eyes staring at her through the trees. Gasping, Inuyasha turned and snarled in anger. Of course his brother would choose now to interrupt.

“Little brother,” Sesshomaru greeted coldly.

“Asshole…” Inuyasha replied.

“’Brother’?” Kagome asked as Inuyasha shifted her behind him.

“It seems you were able to find your own mate,” Sesshomaru stated.

“’Mate’?” Kagome questioned.

“Shut the fuck up…” Inuyasha growled as his eyes began to bleed red.

“Ah, an unclaimed mate. You are still unstable…” Sesshomaru looked to the girl curiously. “It seems she has been able to do what others cannot—but you have yet to claim her. You are still a danger to yourself and others,” he added as he raised his claws.

“NO!!” Kagome said stepping in front of Inuyasha.

“Stay out of this Kagome!” Inuyasha snarled.

“He’s ok! Please! Don’t take him away! His blood is only rising because you’re here!”

“You think it would be different for any other male? Any other demon, priestess? Until my brother is mated, he will revert back into the mindless demon and kill without sorrow!”

“That’s a lie! He remembers everything and carried the lives he took in his soul! He has control over himself! Inuyasha has been staying in the forest with Shippo and he hasn’t transformed once!”

Sesshomaru was suddenly in front of Kagome, claws glowing green and before he could even swing down at her, she was thrown away and tumbled around on the ground. She gasped from the breath knocked out of her and coughed at the sudden force of being pushed away. Quickly she looked back and saw Inuyasha fighting with Sesshomaru. His eyes returned to that cold steel blue, his claws lengthened, teeth grew, and the jagged stripes on his cheeks seemed more out of control.

She stood shakily and tried to watch them glide through the air as they swung at each other. Grasping his haori that was still on her, she worried without his armor he would be more vulnerable. 

“Lady Kagome!!” Fuck. Her. Life. As if Hojo would follow her into the forest any other day…

“Lord Hojo! Stay back!”

Both demons halted their fight and gazed upon the young human male who entered the area. He brazenly grabbed Kagome’s arm making her wince as it was the one she landed on when she was thrown away from Sesshomaru in haste. Inuyasha roared startling the two humans and he set forth to attack the male touching his mate. Sesshomaru reached forward and tried to stop him but Kagome did the unthinkable—she jumped in front of him and wrapped her arms around his neck and held on for dear life screaming his name. 

Inuyasha froze, as did Sesshomaru having watched the exchange. He was shocked a priestess would embrace a demon, let alone while he was blatantly out of control with rage. Sesshomaru had seen many things in his long life… this was one of the strangest yet.

He had intended to attack Inuyasha to bring him back home again where he could court the young woman from the safety of the cell. As his elder brother, it was his responsibility to keep him from destroying his lands and their father’s legacy. Their father’s blood was too strong for the half-demon. Sesshomaru was impressed that not only had Inuyasha found his intended, but that he had been brought out of his demonic state. He wasn’t sure on the details on how he found her or vice versa, but there had been a fair amount of interaction.

“Lady Kagome!” Hojo yelled.

“Inuyasha, come back,” she cried holding onto him tightly. Shifting her face she locked eyes with the bright aqua irises. She saw the recognition in his eyes as he let out a gentle rumble to comfort her. Shifting one arm from around his shoulder, she stroked his cheek. “That’s it. It’s ok now.”

“Lady Kagome! He’s a demon! Release him at once!”

Kagome kept looking into Inuyasha’s eyes, ignoring Hojo and Sesshomaru to the best of her abilities. It seemed like it kept both males at bay from approaching them further and pulled Inuyasha back to his senses.

“Inuyasha?”

Sesshomaru maintained his distance seeing the young woman had brought his brother back with a mere embrace. How was she capable of such power? She was his mate, no doubt was left in Sesshomaru as he gazed upon the two. Was it also because she was a priestess?

“Lady Kagome!!”

“Lord Hojo, you should go back to the village,” she said softly, her eyes never leaving Inuyasha’s. She saw the golden orbs finally resurface. 

“I am not leaving without my betrothed,” Hojo said stubbornly. “It is my duty to protect you!”

Inuyasha’s eyes had just returned to normal and he looked like someone had just stabbed him through the heart, “You’re engaged…?”

“I…I tried to tell you this afternoon when this all started,” she swallowed still cupping his cheek even as he was starting to try to push her away. “I—please—I don’t—”

“Kagome,” he said brokenly looking away from her.

“Lady Kagome, leave the demon alone. He is under control and is no longer a threat to the village. I’ll make sure Lady Kikyo knows of your powers and we shall hold a celebration tonight for our engagement and your victory. I will hide the fact you… sullied yourself by touching the creature. Come, let us leave,” he extended his hand towards her. 

Inuyasha had not anticipated her reaction as she clung to his haori and looked at Hojo with disgust, “I ‘sullied’ myself?? How dare you! Why I never!! What’s your problem, Lord Hojo?! You act like there’s something dirty and wrong with Inuyasha! He was protecting me from his brother! Who, I don’t know why, but seemed like he was testing him! I was never in any danger and ugh!!! I can’t believe you would insinuate that Inuyasha was a lower being than you or I!!! Just because he’s a half demon doesn’t make him any less of a person!”

“Lady Kagome—”

“Listen, Lord Hojo,” she said turning towards the human male, one hand still clutching onto Inuyasha to try to deter him from running. “My sister shouldn’t have accepted your proposal. I am my own person. While I didn’t want to have this conversation in front of you, or his brother, I guess I don’t have a choice because I’m about to lose the only man that I’ve ever wanted to notice me.” 

She tilted her head down so she couldn’t see Inuyasha’s face, she was too nervous, blushing too hard, and had to keep the gusto that she had somehow found. She knew she felt something deep inside that pulled her to him. Something that demanded that she belonged to him. She always followed her gut feelings and they never seemed to take her down the wrong path—she knew she needed to follow them now. If she ruined what she had with Inuyasha then so be it; she could just start over with Shippo… But she really hoped it wouldn’t fall to that.

“Uhm. Listen, I… I have grown to really care for Inuyasha. I actually was going to ask him today if he would be open to leaving the village. I’m sorry Hojo. My heart belongs to him.”

“But my fair lady, I know I can make you happy. Provide for you, care for you, I know that you could grow to love me,” Hojo tried to appease her worries.

“No. It doesn’t work like that Hojo. I have to listen to what my heart is telling me, and it’s always said that I’m his. Not as a possession like you or another man in our village would claim—but… I don’t know how to explain it’s just—”

“Instinct,” Sesshomaru finished. They all gaped at the older demon standing before them, regal, poised, and cold. “Go human, and you shall be spared.”

“Not without—”

“You heard the bastard. If you want to keep your head you’ll get the fuck outta my sight,” Inuyasha finally spoke.

“But Lady—”

“Goodbye Lord Hojo; give my best to my sister. Make up whatever story you would like,” she said as she turned back to fully face Inuyasha. 

Once the human was gone, Inuyasha finally looked down to see Kagome’s fearful face.

“Inuyasha I—” he silenced her with his lips. He was testing her—he honestly wasn’t sure how else to do it. Being purified on the spot would have given him his answer, the rejection he thought she might give him. He thought that she might’ve just said that to the human to let her go. The scent that radiated off her had stung his nose when his rival was near. She was obviously uncomfortable. She hadn’t lied about that.

He was shocked though when she clutched the front of haori and kissed him back fiercely. Her tongue brushed through his lips and caressed one of his fangs making him gasp. Oh, seven hells… he felt like his body was no longer his own—but not in the mindless bloodlust he was used to. It had become possessed by the young maiden currently residing in his arms. He couldn’t think of anything but fucking rutting her right then and there.

His brother clearing his throat brought him out of the mindlessness that had overtaken him, making him growl slightly.

“If we’re done…” Sesshomaru said starting to walk slowly back from where he came.

“What?” Kagome questioned quietly.

“You can’t be serious! I’m not going back with you to be locked up again!” Inuyasha yelled angrily.

“Do not be a fool, Inuyasha. Your head is intact now. You know as an heir to the Inu-no-Taisho your place is in the west. You no longer require to be locked up, but I’m sure your mate would like a place to call home rather than having to wander the forest,” Sesshomaru said evenly as he did not pause in his gait.

“Will… Can we take Shippo?” Kagome asked.

“Are you sure this is what you want?”

“What do you mean?”

“To be the mate of a demon… this is a promise for eternity, not until you get bored of me,” Inuyasha stated uncomfortably. He still slightly feared rejection, but wanted to Kagome to be sure of her choice. 

“Inuyasha… I know my place is by you—call it—”

“Instinct,” he breathed and pressed his lips upon hers once more. Promising that they would forever follow their instincts loving each other in every sense of the world. 

[mynamexm]

CHAPTER 1: GHOST AND NEW WORLD

ALL CHARACTER IS BELONG TO J.K.ROWLING

Summary: I don't know why, but I've always looked at Harry Potter in a different light. We are always immersed in the magical world full of dream and fantasy, the thrill of the battles and the bravery of Harry Potter. But is that all he wants? I want to create a female character, and she's just a ghost and she's not from this world, she's from one, I want her to share and accompany him.

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I see them, they cry a lot. That woman, that's my mother, she cried a lot, kept ringing in my ears the words ''Please wake up. Are you torturing me?".

I heard the voice of the man next to her, still the same cigarette smell, I knew it was my father, he comforted her even though he was feeling the pain himself.

I was in pain, every muscle in my legs and arms hurt the most, my mouth filled with the smell of blood. I can't cry.

I want to cry. But this moment, it only lasted ten minutes. I couldn't feel anything myself. It was a horrible time that I still remember. I am twenty-five years old, have a happy family and a stable job. Until everything was ended by my incurable illness. It's funny when I found out about the disease at the age of twenty and didn't tell anyone. I'm afraid they have to worry, and I'm afraid to see them cry. The disease only got worse because it had no cure. And then it ended up like this. Up to now, I think I'm just a ghost. This place is strange, which helps me to know this place is not Oriental is because of the accents of the people around here and their language. They don't see me, but I see them. I don't think I will become a ghost myself, a ghost that still has memories and emotions. I don't have a home either. I can make the curb my home and my food the leftovers people throw away. When I was alive, I didn't even think that ghosts could go hungry. In the movies I've seen, there's mention of ghosts eating humans as well as eating human souls. I walk around this place, I feel cold when I see the way people dress. In the distance, I saw children gathered in groups. It became my childhood nostalgia when I was little until I saw all the kids start hitting a little boy. Oh my gosh, I didn't think I was supposed to see this. I know I can't touch all those kids because I'm just a ghost and I know they can't hear me either. I found the chubby boy to be the most aggressive. After beating and insulting the boy, they left. And from start to finish... I just stood in the corner. It seems that my bad nature is to be curious, whether in life or death it is true that this bad character cannot be abandoned. The boy was still lying on the ground massaging the place where the children had hit him. I clicked my tongue, really sorry. ''It looks like you're used to it. '' I didn't see him cry, fortunately his glasses were still more intact than his body. He looked up at me, and I widened my eyes in surprise. Did he see me? It was also possible that the boy had unintentionally looked this way. I curiously asked him. '' Kiddo? Are you OK?'' The boy looked up at me again, his sick hand caressing the wound on his cheek, answered me: "It hurts..." If I hadn't just seen the sight of a bunch of kids hitting the boy, I would have immediately thought this boy was a ghost just like me. But not... He completely saw me and even heard me. ''You see me!'' I said suddenly, my voice sounding like a scream. From a while ago until now, this is the first person to talk to me. "Boy, you can hear me too!" I said happily. At least I won't be alone. He looked at me with a frightened expression. He had a lot of anxiety on his face, and it seemed he was worried that I might come from some mental hospital camp. I suppress my emotions. No one seemed happy when their new friend was injured like that. ''Kiddo. You've been beaten like this, why don't you fight back?" I went over and sat down next to the boy. The boy pursed his lips. He bows his head slightly as if he shies to meet a mad lady. The silence end until the boy shook his head. It seems the boy endured this bullying scene. ''This wound can leave a scar. You're young, your skin will heal quickly if you take care of the wound.'' I looked at the boy's wound, there were some places that were bleeding and there were some bruises. The boy still pursed his lips... ''Where are you parents? I'll take you home.'' I asked the boy, still wondering why he was beaten so badly, his parents didn't help him. ''I don't have parents.'' He said, his voice a little low but I could still hear him. Oh my God... I pursed my lips and sighed. This seems to be the reason the boy was bullied? Lucky because I myself have full parents. They love me so much that no one dares to touch me. ''Im sorry... so... Where's your house.'' This is a redundant question, and I don't even know the way this place is. I can only ask like this to break the silence now. ''...'' The boy stroked his cheek, saying nothing. Only now did I notice, this boy was very thin, as if he had been starved? Messy long black hair. It seems that the boy's new family is not treating him well. ''Im Y/N. Can I get to know you? Kiddo?'' I said with a smile to the boy, and it seems he doesn't like to be acquainted with strangers. I dare to make friends with him. ''Im... Harry James Potter...'' the shy boy introduced. He names sounded familiar to me. Harry James Potter? The name sounds like a character from a book I once read. ''Haha. Very nice name, you remind me of a character, if you had a scar I wouldn't be mistaken. I'll ask for an autograph.'' I said while smiling. The boy suddenly looked up at me. ''The scar...'' the boy mumbled. ''You mean...'' The boy said as he lifted the black hair from his forehead with his hand. Revealing the scar right on his forehead. Is this a joke?

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p/s: I had to rewrite this chapter twice from start to finish because I lost my backup. Oh my God. If my misspellings and stupid english words annoy you. I'm sorry. 

[indeciseicelady]

In the deeps (Siren!Shinsou x Reader) Ch. Seven

Hi everyone, I know it's been a few days since I last post and I apologize, but I was sick, but now I'm almost fine and ready to keep writing :D

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Warnings: Cursing; Nsfw later; I don’t know, maybe some deaths; Im still planning; Help.

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You watched the sky for what feel like hours, and yet, there is no sign of when the place would finally be empty, it is raining “why are people even around on a night like this?” you sigh, you are patience, but for this, oh, not for this, the anxiety eating you alive, so many thoughts you couldn't even get to one end of line of thought without starting a dozen of others. Hugging your knees trying to warm yourself, the rain had made your clothes wet when you first leave your house a couple of hours ago and by now you could feel yourself shivering from head to toe, you waited a little more hoping for everyone to leave, what didn't happen until the time you decided to leave, you knew you were almost hypothermic and you just couldn't stay still in there as your body loses even more heat by each second. You get up slowly, feeling the blood running from the parts that were bent and giving you a tingling sensation on your legs, you stretched your arms and turn to leave, but on your first step a “Stay” hit your ears with the wind and you just stood in place, the cold wind trying to push you into the sea gently and you suddenly remember what the boat captain said to you “they heard voices calling them until the water”, you didn't know how, but your blood got even colder than it already was, you turn around and look at the water, again searching for those mesmerizing eyes, and you find them, you wave your hand a little as if saying “Hi” and you can see then moving a little closer. -I'm cold- you say while rubbing your arms, on such a low voice that you barely hear yourself, the wind again, blowing on you, now a little stronger, like an invitation for you to get in the water –You want me to get in the water, don't you?- You ask the boy, even if you were not sure if he could hear you or not, but you could see his eyes on the water making a movement that you take as a yes –Well, I will not, I am already freezing here- you turned around again to see that now there was only two persons left in there, you and a guy you presume to be around your age, but he was too obsessed with his phone to pay attention on his surroundings, you sigh again, doesn't look like he is going anywhere soon, you sit again, shrinking as much as possible in a failed attempt to warm up. You waited a little more, the cold was getting painfully and you just couldn't wait anymore, there is a limit for how much you could take and it had been pass sometime ago, you take a deep breath and decides to leave, in five minutes, you look at the guy who is still looking at his phone and wishes you had your with you, at least you would be able to kill some time. When the five minutes pass, and the extra five too, you give up, sighing as you get up, you could feel Hitoshi’s eyes on you –If your stare could warm me up I would be on fire by now- you say looking at his eyes in the ocean and continues –I'm really leaving now, so... bye- again, you turn to leave and the wind blows the same “stay” from before, you ignore it and keep your way until it hit you so hard you almost fall of your feet –Fuck!- You hear from behind, you look the phone guy, he’s looking angry at the water –Are you ok?- you ask as you get close to see what he was looking at -My fucking phone fell- he doesn't look at you as he say those words. -Sorry- You feel guilty, if the wind was supposed to make you stay, then you were the reason that guy lost his phone -Do you live here? Do you know if it is deep in here?- He asks, now looking at you –You are not thinking on going after it, are you?- He just gives you a firm nod –Listen, I know it has nothing to do with me, but I don't think you should go in, I mean, it is not that deep, but the water carries things, and you know, the salty water, oh! Also, its dark, you shouldn't risk your life for a phone, you know?- You couldn't let that guy get into the water, you hoped that he hasn't noticed the panic in your voice, but he does is staring at you in a very weird way. -You’re right, it is none of your business- you are got by surprise by his sudden rudeness, you see him taking off his wet shirt and panic again –No! Wait! You can't get in the water!- You scream at him and hold his arm –Don't you know about the infestation?- He now looks at you, angrily, and you pull your arm back –What are you talking about?- he asks you, still angry but know paying attention to what you have to say, you could feel your body heating, you look at the water, localizing the purple eyes on the water –Jellyfish, we- we are having an infestation of jellyfish on the water surrounding the pier, no one knows where they came from and it's the really dangerous ones, that take just a minute to paralyze your body and you drown, I can't get you get in- In your mind you were hoping that he buys your lies, or at least consider the risk and give up, he looks at you and then around and make a disbelief sound -Bullshit, there would be signs everywhere!- He said, now ready to jump into the water, and again you grab his arm and try to push the man back –Wait! Listen to me, please! There are no signs ... because... they don't want the tourists to think that its dangerous! I work at the university and I have notified about them- The man, now listens to your words, mumbles something that you didn't hear and leave, you sigh, relieved, and start to leave that place yourself. -Where are you going?- You hear, you knew well who said that, you sigh in defeat and turn to stare the purple guy –Well, I was going home but… Now that I almost had a heart attack I warmed up a little, So I guess I can stay a bit more- You said, sitting on the edge of the pier as the man has only his head above the water –Good, I though that guy would never leave, but at least I had the great view of you all pretty and soaked while I waited- The last part got you by surprise and you blush and look away, embarrassed, but his eyes never leave you. -So you enjoyed seeing me almost freeze to death, that is nice- You say sarcastically, trying not to let what he said affect you, but you failed, you just couldn't get that blush out of your cheeks –It's not like that, but I did like that you run from your place just to check if it wasn't me on the beach earlier- He say, now with a smug smile on his lips, and you blush even harder, not only for what he said, but you just notices how prettier that smile make him. -Y-yeah, I-Well- I didn't want anything bad... to happen to you, I saw those people and I got a little worried- You confess, running your fingers on your wet hair, noticing it was not as hydrated as before, you sigh again and look back at the guy –Still cold?- he asks, you just nod, he touches your foot with two fingers and run them up your shin –You should get in the water- he says, without stop what he was doing –I am almost hypothermic already, if I get in my body will stop and I will drown- You explain, but he doesn't seen like he was paying attention, instead, he brushes his fingers in a place that tickles so you pull your foot away from his fingers. -You won’t be cold, trust me- he say while moving away a little, giving you space to get in, you look at him suspicious, you know how hypothermia works and you were scared because of your dream and other things, but you wanted to trust him so hard, so you let the irrational part of you make this decision, so you slip from the edge into the water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapters so far.

Ch. One

Ch. Two

Ch. Three

Ch. Four

Ch. Five

Ch. Six

[trashforanyoneatthispoint]

KARMAS A B*TCH

[this shit gets intense so be warned]

Thanks for reading my trash :)

[nafla x reader , thequiett x reader]

-----------------------------------------

Its everyday. He never comes home, never calls, never says his famous "I love you"s. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but isn't this excessive?

I met Seokbae through a mutual friend. I grew up with Donggab as my neighbor so naturally, I became super close with him. Being that our moms would always be over ateach other's houses, I think I saw him more times in a year than there are days. Near the end of elementary school, he fell in love with hip hop and rap. I remember asking him what he was talking about when he would speak in English. We were only 10 and all I knew was my native language of Korean, but Donggab seemed to know a lot more than me. I admired his passion and I always knew he would make it big one day. When his career really started to get a move on, we started to drift away, being that we were both busy with school and work. But we still met up a few times during the years and it was as if nothing had ever changed. Occasionally, there would be a fangirl here or there asking for a photo, but I didn't mind, I loved that he was doing what he loves.

When he announced Illionaire records, I was the first one to call him up and congratulate him (or so I like to believe). I begged him nonstop to introduce me to joonkyung because I was such a fan. When he finally gave in, I immediately got along with everyone there. Everyone seemed to love me, I hope, and I absolutely loved being with everyone there. Overtime, the hip hop industry in Korea was growing immensely and more and more rappers were coming out to show off their talents and become the best. I loved how everyone was so close even if they weren't in the same agency. Donggab would naturally invite me to all of their parties and events, which is how I first encountered Seokbae.

Illionaire, Ambition, and AOMG were invited to the hottest club in LA, Sound NightClub. It was slightly chilly for LA, being that the sun had set a long time ago and the stars were the only source of light. I put on the sexiest dress I owned, a short black dress with a cross back and lace trimmings. I haven't gotten this dolled up since my High School Prom. I finished the look for the night with the perfect black heels and a clutch, knowing there would be cameras and fans everywhere that night considering the biggest names of KHiphop were going to be in one location. Donggab offered to pick me up, but I declined and told him I want to go almost unnoticed and just meet him inside the club. He didn't fight my choice, knowing how stubborn I am. I called a Uber from my hotel room to the club and 10 minutes before arriving, the traffic was already heavy enough to make me consider walking the rest of the way.

I got to the front of the line and told my name which was on the VIP list thanks to my connections for Illionaire records. The scary looking usher let me in right away and escorted me to where Donggab and all his friends were sitting. I saw lots of familiar faces: Joonkyung, Changmo, DeokKwang. And faces I've only seen on TV and in music videos: Jay Park, Simon Dominic, KeemHyoEun. But there was one face that caught my eye immediately. He had bright red hair and a couple of face piercings, sticking out from the rest of the much more calm looking rappers in the booths. I was quick to find Donggab and sit next to him, slightly at a loss of breath from being near so many celebrities. He calmly I troduced me to everyone that he thought I didn't know, which of course included the red head. His name was Seokbae, better known as Nafla.

Throughout the night of drinking and being near so many smokers, I felt tipsy and hazed from the smoke in front of me andin my lungs. The only thing I could clearly see was Seokbae's "secret" glances towards me. My tipsy brain didn't know what to do. Yes, he was very cute and very much my type, but here? Now? What would Donggab say? There was too much on the line. I excused myself from the VIP section to go get some fresh air that wasn't contaminated with Changmo's drunk ass yelling.

"Hey Donggab, I'm gonna get some fresh air, I'll be right back" I said, whispering in his ear, hoping he would hear over the loud EDM music playing in the club

"Aight, you ok? Youve been quiet all night, which is really unlike you" He pointed out.

I tried to respond but Changmo had just jumped on the table and spilled the ice meant for the drinks all over Seokbae. Everyone's reaction was a mix of shock and laughter, but not Seokbae's. He sat there with the clear expression of "I'm about to pop off on this bitch" because we all knew that his outfit cost more than Rolex he had on his right wrist.

I took this chance to step out, but as I was about to leave the VIP section I heard Seokbae excusing himself as well. I didn't think much about it until he called out my name once I was outside. I stepped into the cool breeze of night under the moonlight of LA. It was much more refreshing than the stuffy atmosphere of the club.

"Hey" I heard a voice behind me say.

I turned around to see a half wet Seokbae grinning at me, "hey" I smile back.

We went from introducing ourselves again to small talk about the whole ice incident. We laughed about it all after mildly bullying Changmo without him knowing. At that point, we were outside for 30 minutes and it was getting slightly too chilly for the short dress you had on. Seokbae offered you his expensive looking, ice almost dried jacket to me and I happily obliged. He was definitely a smoothtalker, and that's when I seriously fell for him.

Going back into the club together, we got weird and teasing looks from all the other guys. Even Donggab seemed to enjoy making things up about what happened between the two of us out there. I just brushed it off with a roll of my eyes because I knew who the real winner was : me, because I had gotten Seokbae's number.

What started out to be the most romantic relationship ever now seems to be so distant that I can only see hazy images of it. Its been 2 years since that night at the club and 22 months of dating Seokbae, who I thought was supposed to be my knight in shining armor. Now, there were no more sweet talks, no more romantic gestures, no reciprocation, and as much as it scares me to say, no spark. What happened? The most caring, loving boyfriend who would always leave little notes for me around the house for me to find and smile at won't even come home to see me or even text me, when he's out. I knew something was going on, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt over and over again until I couldn't anymore. It was time to confront him about it all.

Today is our 1000 day anniversary of us dating. I reminded him all day that he has to come home early tonight no matter what. Surprisingly, he agreed and actually got home on time. You had made him his favorite dinner and put some natural makeup on, only to eat the beautiful meal in silence. Seokbae was on his phone, never once thanking you for the meal or asking you about your day or even telling me about his. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Babe" I broke the deadly silence, but no answer.

"Baby" I tried again, barely getting his attention, "are you ok?" I asked nervously.

"I'm fine, just tired" he replied coldly. That's it? I didn't think so.

I kept pushing him little by little to tell me what was going on, but it just ended up frustrating him.

"I'm going to the bathroom" he said with absolutely no emotion. Except, he left his phone on the table next to his plate, screen facing down on the table. I waited for the sound of the bathroom door closing and without hesitation, I lunged for the phone. The anxiety, the curiousity, and the fear were eating me alive. If something was going on, then I didnt want to waste anymore time.

I hurriedly unlocked his phone which was surprisingly still your birthday. The screen unlocks to a conversation between my boyfriend and some girl named Audrey. I didn't believe my eyes.

"Babe when are you coming over again?"

"Soon, my girlfriend has been nagging me all day about some dinner tonight so after that I'll make up an excuse and go"

"Ok, sounds good, miss you!"

"Miss you too, love you babe ❤️"

That goddamn heart. This goddamn bastard. I was so angry only tears rolled down my cheeks, which were now burning red with rage and betrayal. I put the phone down on my lap and sat still, thinking of what to say to Seokbae when he returned.

"Hey I forgot to bring my pho- what are you doing?" He asked cautiously.

I couldn't even look at him. I simply rose the phone with the messages and that goddamn heart in my hand so that he could see. Tears continuously streaming down my face, I could only make out one word

"Why?" I asked, my voice breaking and weak.

"(Y/N)... I-I never meant to hurt you"

"Get out" I said as cold as ice

"Come on, please, let me explain. Don't shut me out like this" he tried to beg, but the sincerity in his voice sounded forced.

I finally worked up the courage to look up at him, the tears ceasing for a moment.

"Seokbae ... Do you remember how we met? How we met eyes through the smoke in the club? How you were so sweet to me when we were outside that night? And how loving you were to me for the next year after we started dating?"

He stood in silence, now starting to tear up as well.

I continued, "then you became this monster I didn't know. You stopped coming home, you stopped responding to my texts and calls, you stopped telling me that you love me. And do you know why? Because you never did. My love for you was so real, the realest thing Ive ever felt in my entire life. But for you, it was nothing. It was another way to spend some extra time."

I looked down at my cold plate of food, regretting all the times I doubted my intuition, letting this disgusting man control what I feel. He still said nothing, mostly from the shock of being exposed.

"It still hurts you know." I said, the tears coming back abruptly. I hated myself for crying in front of him, he didn't deserve them.

"(Y/N)... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry (Y/N)."

"I think you should leave, Seokbae" quietly, not really sure if he even heard it right, I got up and locked myself in my room. After I heard the front door closing and locking, I sobbed, not knowing if I felt more betrayed or regretful. I curled up on my bug empty bed and cried myself to sleep, my body still missing his presence in the bed.

The last couple weeks have been dreadful. I stopped going out with friends, I didn't eat anything, and I even shut out Donggab. He texted me nonstop, asking me what happened, if it had something to do with Nafla, where I was, why I wasn't responding. Every once in a while he would just barge into my apartment and force me to eat and talk. When I first told him what had happened, he swore he would get Seokbae fired and blacklisted, but that's not what I wanted. I just wanted to never see him again, have nothing to do with him.

Today, Donggab came over again with Thai food and dragged me out of bed to eat. He would try to get me to talk, be more lively, but I was not cooperating one bit.

"Dammit (Y/N)!" He slammed his chopsticks on his plate, making me jump and look at him, "get over him! He wasn't shit! If he had the audacity to cheat on you then he is not what you deserve! You deserve more than that, and I'm done sitting here just watching you sulk in despair as he's going around partying and having the time of his life!" At this point, your very calm friend was starting to scare you as he was fuming.

"damn Donggab, way to cheer me up" I said, still lifeless.

"Come on, get up, go take a shower, do your makeup, and let's go" he stood up abruptly.

"What? Where are we going?" I asked, super confused.

"To the club. And you're going to be my date" he said with a smirk on his face.

My eyes widened in confusion and shock, but he forced me to abide by his orders and we ended up at the same club Seokbae and I first met.

As soon as we were in the public eye, Donggab didn't let me out of his sight always with a hand around my waist looking out for any signs of Seokbae.

30 minutes into the dancing, as I started to feel better, I saw him behind Donggab. Seokbae was all over another girl, pulling the same shit he did on me when we first started to go out. Anger and sadness filled my eyes and Donggab saw it. He drags me way closer to Seokbae, right in his range where he could see us, and did the most shocking thing.

Before I could even process it, Donggab had been kissing me right in front of Seokbae who had wide eyes filled with fury.

Without any right, Seokbae made a b-line towards us and split us apart.

"What the hell?! (Y/N)?! What are you doing making out with Donggab?!" Seokbae was yelling over the crowds dancing and the music playing.

"Why do you care, jackass? Just leave her alone, she's mine now" Donggab announced, shocking the both of us and many around us.

"You don't know what's good for her! Fuck off!" Seokbae's veins were popping and he was the most red I've ever seen him.

"No, you should fuck off. Leave me and my mans alone Seokbae, I never wanna see your face again" I declared proudly, to which Donggab kissed me again to piss off Seokbae even more.

He ran off pushing people out of the way in anger and humiliation. I turned to Donggab after realizing what had just happened.

"Um... Can we talk about this?"

"Ok, well I really like you (Y/N). And it was so painful to see you those years with that jerk, Seokbae, so I realized I don't want to waste any more time. Will you be my girlfriend?" He asked, looking a little nervous.

I just laughed, "if we're not dating now, you got a lot of explaining to do with those kisses... But yes, I would love to be your girlfriend"

We kissed one last time and made it official.

Karmas a bitch, but it can also be a good bitch.

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoldretired]

I would like to hear about the punny girl

hnng thank you

i present you: kanon fukuda the ultimate filmmaker. do you get the pun?

kanon is my best girl. her backstory isn’t anything too like. angsty bc i know some can be angsty but her’s isn’t supposed to be about that. she grew up as the only child in a middle-class family with two parents who were confused by her hobbies and love of film but very supportive. also they grow to feel bad they gave her the name kanon bc all the jokes but it’s ok she kinda likes it kinda hates it. she actually got into filmmaking because she had an older cousin who acted as a sibling figure, and they would make home movies together. kanon would throw herself into her movies and kept producing and producing as fast as she could. eventually, she started entering them in both national and international youth film competitions and began winning titles. it’s at this point when she was scouted and started making professional short films. she had just finished working on her first feature-length film, which early reviews were calling her magnum opus to date, and exciting work from an up-and-coming filmmaker. 

the reason why kanon chose to attend hopes peak is that her older cousin died in the tragedy. she doesn’t know they died. she just knows they went to school and never came back, and the family keeps it hush-hush. besides the promise of success, she mostly wants to find out what happened - she assumes it was a bad accent or suicide but oop! additionally, kanon chose to attend because her feature film is to release to the public soon, and she wants to be occupied during this time to take her mind off of the reception. 

while kanon’s family backstory is pretty angst-free besides the missing cousin, kanon is still suffering p bad. she is diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. but! (unlike p much every other character in the series, it seems) she treats her mental health through medication and regular therapy (until she’s trapped at school). she’s very open about her struggle with mental health and enthusiastically tries to get better. 

as a director, she specializes in dark comedy, parody, and farce. she likes irony, and can always see the twisted humor in a situation, no matter how dire. this issss about where you might start seeing her fatal flaw. 

kanon thoroughly subscribes to the idea that comedy is born from tragedy, and that the rawest types of humor come from pain. she is known for going off her medication during the production of films and making a martyr of herself, taking pride in her horrible sleeping and eating schedule for her art. basically, every film student i’ve ever met. 

she enters the killing game very upbeat. when she finds out the truth, she is very defiant, confident in their ability to escape. she is constantly cracking jokes about the situation and observational humor, and her ideas during the trial are generally very….original. she is known for monologuing and speaking in paragraphs. during trials, she creates elaborate example situations that might seem like they’re unrelated or inconsequential but morally always tie back in. queen of the non-sequitur. early game free time events/island mode would mostly be about movies and genre, with the occasional mention about working hard to be healthy again.

she’s pretty friendly with monokume, subscribing to the philosophy that if you’re kind to him, he’s more likely to do what she wants. she’s often the student who will ask monokume clarifying questions on school policy or for access to supplies. for example, i like to think she asks monokume to provide another student needed insulin. when monokume initially refuses, she goes into a tangential scenario where if this student dies, then isn’t monokume the culprit? he’d have to be executed for harming a student. and what’s this? monokume has been harmed? the person who harmed monokume must be punished. and go round and round in a helpless circle while the students figure out a way to escape. at this point, monokume provides the insulin.

 however, after watching the first punishment, she begins to be filled with a deep despair. she is already dispositioned for despair, given her incredibly unhealthy habits regarding her mental illness and success, but she tries to resist. she remains upbeat, but after the first punishment, her dialogue takes a sharp turn towards dark comedy and macabre. from this moment on, she’s also a lot more skittish and easily startled.

after the first trial on, she will always make a point for thanking the group for being a good group of friends and making the time in hopes peak as tolerable as possible, in case they end up choosing the wrong blackened and all get executed. at the third trial, she follows this speech up with, “but if i die, you are all fucking idiots, way to let me down.”

most of her dialogue is biting, and despite the horror and despair she is filled with after every murder and execution, she can still find ways to crack a twisted joke. occasionally she will have a moment of clarity where she is candid about her feelings. 

- one free time event could feature her talking about her feelings towards actions speak louder than words. her example is couples who say they’re dark and twisted like bonnie and clyde, but really they’re two losers into bdsm. if they’d just say they’re two losers into bdsm, she could respect them. she then explains how the statements of personality are more to convince themselves than anyone else. towards the end, she laughs to herself and explains how she totally screwed herself over because Kanon prides herself in her sense of humor, but if she ever says it aloud, she’s not funny.

- another free time event could be explaining her relationship with death. she’s not afraid of it, but she wants to die on her own terms. she admits to never seeing herself growing old, and that’s she’ll probably be a part of the 27 club if she keeps on the path of a celebrity. 

her condition keeps devolving as the game progresses. more dialogue can include wondering why she is still alive and trying to cover it as a twisted sick joke. she stays upbeat, but as time goes on, you can see she’s slowly getting tired and beaten down. she’s also starting to take pride in her unhealthy lack of sleep, eating, or bathing. 

it’s after the third execution does she actually show a true moment of despair. after the execution and the classmates are silently riding in the elevator back, she announces how she does not plan to live through the game. she does not see any possible reality where she will escape hopes peak. she does, however, make it clear that she will be dying on her own terms. she gives her blessing to the group that anyone can try to kill her, but be aware she won’t go down without a fight.

her free time events are filled with more raw emotion and despair with tinges of humor instead of humor with tinges of despair. 

- she elaborates on what she meant in the elevator as to die by her own hands. she does not want to kill a classmate because she knows her disposition could never handle the trial, let alone the killing part. but she also doesn’t want to die by her classmates without a fight. and she doesn’t want to commit suicide because she has too much pride while also being too much of a coward…

- she explains how this story could be a great script, really, if it weren’t all so real. this generation’s battle royale. she actually gives kudos to the design of each punishment and admits they are inspiring if she ever wanted to do a genre flip and become a psych thriller director.

- just. asking why she isn’t dead yet. why not her? why not?

i want her to be a pretty late game survivor because i think it’s impactful to show her fall into despair, which she uses to harm herself instead of others mostly. it is also after chapter three you truly get to see her martyrdom come out. she has slowly shifted from less of a friend and more towards an antagonistic role, not because she’s a threat, but because she’s literally so full of despair.

anyways. you see her talking to monokume while the rest of the group arrives. before the fourth trial, she does her normal thanking of her classmates and pulls the protag over to thank them personally for the good times and making it the best they could. the protagonist is suspicious of this behavior and wonders if she might be guilty, but the evidence points she is not. the class correctly votes for the blackened. while everyone is waiting for monokume to go forward in the punishment, they’re confused by the delay. monokume is fuming, and it’s revealed. there’s a miscount. one student purposefully chose not to vote, which is a punishable act. the student? kanon.

she always insisted she would die, and she would die on her own terms. she had created a narrative in her head where if she dies a martyr, she will always be remembered lovingly by her fans before any unfortunate career downfall. the director ahead of her time, and gone too soon. she became obsessed with this narrative around chapter three, and the third execution sealed the deal. by the time of the trial, she figured out she could die a death fit for a star while also dying on her terms if she willingly triggered a punishment. 

ive kind offfffff figured out what her last speech could be before her punishment? she explains how “comedy is derived from pain, right? and if i intend on being the greatest director of my time, i need to go through the most suffering. i was born to die a martyr, i was just hoping one of you would do the hard part. but since no one has the balls, you can all suffer with me. see you in hell shitheads” she then asks monokume if her cousin who attended here, were they killed or executed? (was it kill or be killed?) monokume thinks for a second and responds. she smiles and says, that’s all she needed to know. gives a wink to the protag and flicks everyone off as the collar yoinks her off to her death. 

punishment would probably be something with “light camera action” or “ready steady shoot” and be a LITERAL pun on the camera shoot. bc, she’s shot. alternatively, if i were to decide that instead of a generic dead body in the tragedy, she could be related to an actual main game character pref someone who was executed, she could have to play that part in the execution and die the same death, but this time with like. monokume film crew everywhere and actual monokume in the director’s chair with a beret. either is a fun idea.

____________________________________________________________________

i’m a film major, and her character is heavily based on the kind of students and filmmakers i see and work with. there really are people like this who believe suffering for art truly makes them better than others and will purposefully put themselves through psychological torment. additionally, i wanted to see a more realistic portrayal of mental illness and show a character who (at one point at least) treats and is trying to maintain health. in the end, kanon is a narcist who lets her ego get in the way of her wellbeing and success. 

also, kanon’s outfit is so stupid she has strawberry blond hair in a bob with like a widow’s peak, silvery-blue eyes, and wears a big flowy short sleeved button-up shirt, and olive-colored shorts. she has a big pair of aviators she wears tucked in the collar of her shirt, statement earrings, a pop watch, and lots of rings. and she is def not straight ut it’s not like she’s pursuing romance she’s pursuing death

[artificialqueens]

Houroubing to Aruba, Chapter 4, (Branjie) - Blackhighheels

(read at AO3)

Chapter 4: You better catch me, bitch!

A loud groan, followed by a curse fills the penthouse and lets Jose know that Brock is up. He finds him sitting in bed, his head between his hands, eyes closed.

“Good morning sunshine!”

“Not so loud!” Another pitiful groan follows. “How are you up already? You had more to drink than me.”

“Puerto Rican alcohol tolerance… and also you old as fuck.” He smirks when Brock glares at him and decides that he should stop gloating and take care of his man instead. “Here, baby, open up,” he tells him and places two ibuprofen in his mouth before he hands him a bottle of water, which Brock empties in one go.

“Fuck, how much did we drink last night? And Marge and Magnus had the same… you think they’re still alive?”

“Met them when I went to get us some breakfast. They looked pretty alive, fresh and in colour to me. Told me to say hi to you and asked if we could repeat the night some time soon while we here.”

“Urgh! God no! I’m only drinking water for the rest of the stay.” Brock lets himself fall back, rolls onto his stomach and closes his eyes again.

“You want some coffee?”

“No.”

“Fruit salad?”

“No.”

“Then have some more water at least. Come on, twinkle toes.” Jose pats his butt lovingly.

“Fine,” Brock sighs, sits back up and accepts another small bottle of water. “What time is it?” he asks when he is done.

“Nearly noon. You should go shower, so we on time for our picnic extravaganza.” Brock makes a whining noise. “Or we can do it another day and you stay in bed?” Jose offers. And it’s his willingness to adjust the plans he was so looking forward to, that makes Brock finally get out of bed.

“No, we’re going. You already showered? Or do you wanna join me?”

“I’m gonna join you, but don’t think I don’t know you just want me with you so I can wash you and you can go on sleeping. I know your lazy ass when you hung over,” Jose teases, but goes ahead into the bathroom, starts the water and gets undressed while Brock makes a pitstop at the toilet before he joins him.

They both quickly brush their teeth before they step into the shower. Brock really feels more dead than alive while the warm water rains down on him. Jose soaps them both up and even washes his hair. “That’s what it gonna be like fifty years from now when I have to take care of you, boo?” There’s laughter in Jose’s voice before he tips Brock’s head back and rinses his hair out.

“Maybe it’ll be me taking care of you, who knows,” Brock replies and takes a towel of the rack. He places it on Jose’s head and rubs gently, then grabs another one and dries his own hair.

“Maybe,” Jose agrees after a while. The fact that Brock can even imagine them still being together so far in the future, old and wrinkly, does weird things to his chest, heart and stomach. He doesn’t burst into tears anymore now, like he did when Brock mentioned maybe getting married some time in the future, but it’s not something that he takes for granted either. Just a year ago this moment, heck even just this vacation together, was so far out of reach he couldn’t have dreamed it up. And now, here they are and Jose quickly pinches himself to make sure he is actually awake.

“What are you doing?” Brock asks him and must have seen it.

“Nothin,” he says quickly.

“Did you just pinch yourself?” Brock takes his arm and when Jose follows his eyes he can see the red mark clearly. “You did! Why?”

“I didn’t!” Jose lies and wraps the towel around his hips. The way Brock looks at him lets him know that he is aware of the lie, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he pulls him close by his hips and kisses him.

“Good morning.” There is a gentle smile on his man’s face when they break apart, his arms stay wrapped around his waist.

“Morning,” Jose replies and puckers his lips a couple of times, asking for more kisses without words. Brock full-fills his wish and the pecks soon turn into a make-out session against the shower wall. “Had to make sure this was real and not a dream, you know, us talking about fifty years from now and all that,” Jose confesses when they stop.

“If your head felt like mine, you’d know it isn’t a dream,” Brock jokes, slaps his butt and steps out of the shower.

“As long as you don’t throw up, we good.”

They get ready as they do most mornings when they are both home. Brock gets dressed in the bedroom, while Jose runs back and forth between bathroom and bedroom, always forgetting something. When they are both finally dressed Jose douses himself in aftershave and cologne, while Brock uses deodorant and forgoes the shaving. Jose trims his stubble, combs his hair back and puts on his hat, after spraying it with even more cologne, while Brock steps outside on the balcony to smoke. By the time they are done it’s time to leave.

Henry hands them a backpack as well as a map, that Jose quickly passes on to Brock. Their way leads them along the beach, past palm trees, other hotels and resorts and a couple of fruit stands. The longer they walk the quieter it gets around them and by the time they reach their destination after about half an hour they are completely alone. They know they found their spot when they find a  large, light blue picnic blanket with several pillows on top. A bottle of champagne in a cooler, two glasses and a picnic basket are also waiting for them underneath a divi tree on the beach. A large rock a couple of meters away makes the location secluded, not visible from the pathways and picture-perfect for a romantic picnic.

“One has to give it to Henry, he really knows what he’s doing. He must have prepared all this while we were walking here,” Brock says, takes off his shoes and sits down on the blanket.

“Knew Henry was our man for the job. What’s in there?” Jose asks and peeks into the basket. “Oh wow,” he says and then takes out one plate after another with different salads, fruits, dips, bread and small cakes. He spreads out the feast and checks the backpack they were given. Sure enough plates, cutlery, soft drinks and more can be found in it. Once everything is unpacked, Jose lies back, props his head up on his hand and gets comfortable. “You gonna feed me?” It’s meant as a joke, but Brock simply shrugs.

“What do you want?”

“Can you give me some bread, cheese and fruits?” Brock fills a plate with the requested items, but then continues to actually feed Jose. After a couple of bites they both have to laugh. “This shit sure looks more comfortable on TV.” With these words Jose sits back up and takes his plate from Brock so he can get himself something to eat.

“God, this is so good!” Brock moans once he has tried the food. “I really have to stop at the gym today. With all this delicious food I won’t fit into my costumes anymore otherwise.”

“I might join you, I could use a good work out as well. Otherwise I might lose my new flexibility,” Jose agrees. “But you shouldn’t worry about your weight, Brock. I think overall we both could use a couple of pounds more.”

“You remember my love handles when we first got together. I got so fat.”

“You weren’t fat! You put on happy weight because you were finally eating like a normal person and not skipping meals because of your anxiety. And I liked it. It was cute.” Jose smiles as he remembers the pictures from this time.

“It wasn’t cute.” Brock protests.

“Hey,” Jose asks and places a hand on Brock’s leg so he looks up. “It was cute, you were still hot and I liked it. Just accept it.”

“Fine,” Brock sighs and rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “But you always think I look cute. I could be Silky’s weight and you’d still call me cute.”

“Can you imagine?” Jose grins widely and then giggles. “But it would limit our love life, cause you sure as hell wouldn’t go on top anymore. You’d squash me like those play-doh bugs in the game.”

“Wait until I tell Silky that you just questioned his qualities as a lover.”

“Ho, I didn't…” Jose bristles, then stops. “Ok, maybe I did,” he chuckles and scoots back so his back is resting against the tree trunk. “Silky called me this morning while you were still asleep.” Jose becomes serious.

“Did something happen?” Brock moves closer to him and places a pillow in his lap so he can balance his plate on it.

“Not really. The usual. Complained about some idiots online, talked about all the partying he done and how he got hit on but then went home alone. Got real weird when I told him what a dope time we having.”

“I know I told you before and I know you don’t wanna hear it, but I think Reggie is jealous of you.”

“Why? If he wanna go on vacation he can.”

“Jose, look at it from his perspective. He went on Drag Race with a plan. He wanted to be the next sensation, the next Miss Vanjie. And you know I love him, but it backfired for him, even though Ru loved him. Gigs got canceled, fans were put off by his behaviour. In the end he doesn’t even win the money. And you, you came back, rocked the competition, got booked more than ever and have all these opportunities. And while we fucked it up for a while, in the end the fact still stands that we got each other out of drag race, not matter what else happens. Reggie wants all that: Money, admiration, fame, love. Ok, not necessarily in this order, but, you know. And you have it all."    

"But he my best friend, Brock. He always has my back and he was there when you dumped my ass.”

“I don’t say that’s not true, I know he is. But sometimes, like, I don’t know. Sometimes the way he acts around me annoys me.” Brock is done with his plate and places it in the empty picnic basket.

“Like how?” Jose hands him his empty plate as well.

“You remember the stupid fight we had on tour?”

“Still burned into my brain, boo.”

“Before we finally talked when we got back, I talked to Steve, told him what was going on and asked him what I should do. And he, like, told me to accept that I am a control freak and that it will clash with your chaos and that all we could do was talk about it. He told me he’d fly in, if we didn’t resolve it and lock us in or something. He calmed me down and reminded me of all the fun we had on tour and how much we love each other.”

“Aw, I love Steve,” Jose coos and places his hand over his heart.

“I wasn’t there and I don’t know what Reggie said to you, but when I saw him again first time after our fight he basically told me, that, like, I should be grateful that you didn’t dump me, cause he would have done so. He made it sound like it was all my fault. Maybe he was just being shady, but it was all too fresh and I decided not to say anything to him because I didn’t want to fight.”

“He not your biggest fan no more, cause he had to listen to me cry one time too many after we ended. Then again when we were fucking around. He don’t understand why I loved you so much… love you so much, even after all the shit we did. He knows we both fucked up, but he didn’t see you cry. He never seen you, like I see you all the time, cause you always have your guard up when he around. He’s a shady bitch, you a shady bitch and he kinda don’t understand that you not like this with me.”

“You could be right. I never thought about it like that.” Brock contemplates it and lays down, between Jose’s legs, places his head on his chest. “When he’s around we’re usually going out partying or just don’t spend much time together. I don’t think I ever had a really deep talk with him about anything. I tried once or twice, but he was being so extra I just gave up.”

“Want me to talk to him?” Jose wraps his arms around his shoulders and holds him tight.

“I think I’ll try on my own first and if I don’t succeed… yeah. I’d love to be as close with Reggie as you are with Steve.”

“I love Steve,” Jose placed a kiss on Brock’s hair.

“Sorry, boo, he’s taken,” Brock chuckles.

“You such a dumb-ass sometimes.”

“Just sometimes?” Brock asks and strokes his nose over the exposed skin of Jose’s chest, kisses his collar bone, then his neck.

“Mmmh, rest of the time you alright,” Jose smirks before he leans down and seeks out Brock’s mouth with his. The kiss starts slow, but becomes deeper after a couple of minutes. To get more comfortable Jose slides down and rests his head on the pillow, before they continue their make-out session.

“Aren’t you glad right now I’m not heavier,” Brock mutters against his lips, then slips it back into Jose’s mouth before he can reply.

“Don’t care,” Jose says once he’s able to, then pulls Brock back down to him. Their tongues battle as they both breathe heavily. Brock slips one leg between Jose’s and starts moving his hips, grinding down on him, rubbing his growing erection against Jose’s thigh. Jo moves with him, moans loudly and grabs Brock’s ass with both hands so he can pull him even closer.

“God, Jo… fuck,” Brock moans and rips their lips apart to breathe, but doesn’t stop moving his hips.

“Brock… if we don’t stop I’m gonna come in my fuckin’ pants.” Jose replies, equally out of breath and horny as hell.

“Get rid of them then,” Brock orders and slips his own shorts down. They are made of a sweat material, so it’s a lot easier than taking off Jose’s tight jeans shorts. He manages in the end and Jose knows he is absolutely no help, squirming for as much skin contact as he can get. “Fuck, we need to get off this blanket or we’ll ruin it,” Brock remembers just before Jose finds his lips again.

“Shit!” Jose slumps down on the blanket. Then he remembers something and sits up. Quickly he digs through his fanny pack and takes out Brock’s wallet that he has in there. With a triumphant cry he holds up the condoms, throws the wallet down on the blanket. “Put it on,” he tells Brock as he pushes one of the squares in his hand.

“You serious?” Brock sniggers.

“Do I look like I’m joking? You know, neither of us is prepped and even a blow job would be too risky. We won’t go back with cum-stains on us or anything else.” When Brock takes too long Jose takes the condom back, rips the foil open and puts it on Brock himself. Then he lies back down, grabs the front of Brock’s shirt and pulls him back down between his legs, Brock’s arms coming to rest on each side of Jose’s head. This time their crotches touch directly, hard cock sliding against hard cock, the slickness of the condoms helping. They kiss deeply as they grind and rut against one another, Jose’s hands on Brock’s ass dictating the pace.

“Can't… this is not…can’t come like this,” Brock gasps after a while. They are both on the brink, but can’t make it over. And as nice as this is, they are still somehow in public and shouldn’t take unnecessary risk.

Jose slips a hand between them, takes both of their dicks in his hand and holds them closer, starts moving up and down. Bock keeps circling his hips, but it’s still not enough. Jose slips his other hand down as well and Brock has to lift his hips just a tad. He groans at the loss of contact. A second later he groans again, because his balls are being massaged gently. Now it’s enough! It only takes a couple of strokes and they both come; Brock with a gasp and Jose with a loud moan. Then they look at each other and start laughing, can’t believe what they just did.

“We losing it, toes. We can’t behave on a fucking public beach,” Jose states as he takes his condom off, ties it.

“I know. I can’t believe we just did that. We’re turning into horny teenagers.” Brock agrees and takes his condom off as well and places it in a paper napkin, then holds it out for Jose so he can place his there, too.

“We always horny, just not in public.” Jose pulls his shorts back up.

“God, I hope no one saw us.”

“I hope no one filmed us! Maybe this one of these places where some fucker is filming.”

“It would not make for a good porn movie. All one could see is my naked ass moving around and you had your hands there most of the time.”

“Then you better put your shorts back on before someone posts your ding-a-ling anyway.” Both keep laughing as Brock puts his shorts back on. When their eyes meet however they are right back where they started within seconds: Kissing each other silly on the blanket. This time Jose’s on top.

***

A large screen is set up on the beach, lanterns illuminate the huge round beach beds that are set up, one for each couple. Also each couple has a table and drinks are already waiting there for them. When asked both Jose and Brock chose beer, thinking it is a much safer choice than more champagne or cocktails. Brock takes a sip of his beer before he leans back against the cushions  and Jose takes his own bottle with him as he snuggles up to his man.

“Have you seen this movie before?” he asks.

“Yes, I have, but way back when it came out. You?” Brock replies.

“Once during a movie night with friends at school, but I didn’t pay too much attention.”

“Too busy making out with your boyfriend?”

“No, girlfriend at the time,” Jose says and presses his lips against Brock’s cheek. “But I like making out with you wayyy more, even though you all scratchy right now.”

“You are not clean shaven either, papi,” Brock points out and Jose just chuckles and then takes a sip of his beer. Henry walks up to the screen, a microphone in hand.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to welcome you to our weekly movie night under the stars. Today we will show "Notting Hill” staring Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. I hope you enjoy the movie. Afterwards we all invite you to stay and dance away to the most romantic movie songs of all times. Thank you!“

"Oh, dance night. Think we can stay and watch these straight people get it on on the dance floor?” Jose tilts his head up to look at Brock.

“If you behave during the movie.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he pushes himself up in a sitting position and Brock flinches, because he uses his stomach to do so.

“It means: No indecent yelling when you don’t like something, no insults, no throwing something at the screen, no sucking noises, no kicking of other people’s seats and keep your hands out of my pants,” Brock lists the things Jose has actually done in the past when they were at the movie theater.

“You boring,” Jose huffs and pouts but then has to laugh. He knows he’s done all of the things Brock just listed. He lies back down in Brock’s arms and puckers his lips again to get another kiss before the movie starts.

Jose really does behave this time and even manages to whisper his comments at a volume so only Brock hears him.

Brock surprises him when he quietly mouths along the words of the theme song when the couple on screen kisses for the first time. “All day long I can hear people talking out loud. But when you hold me near you drown out the crowd. Try as they may they can never define what’s being said between your heart and mine. The smile on your face lets me know that you need me.”

“You bet!” Jose whispers back and lets his fingers find the patch of skin that is exposed at the top of Brock’s shirt.

“There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me.”

“Try and get rid of me.”

“The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me wherever I fall.”

“If I can hold your tall ass.” Brock gives him a look that says ‘really?!’

“You say it best,” Jose smiles widely at that, happy about the compliments. This is so romantic. “…when you say nothing at all.” Brock continues and tries to keep a straight face, but fails.

“Asshole!” Jose’s voice can be heard over the movie as he slaps Brock’s chest hard. Brock erupts in a fit of giggles, that Jose and some other people soon join.

***

They stay after the movie is over, because they spot Magnus and Margaret at a table and join them again. Brock tells the story of his hang-over and Jose recounts their day and their picnic trip, but leaves out the dirty details. A make-shift dance-floor has been set up in the sand and some couples sway to whatever cheesy songs the DJ plays for them.

“Oh, I wish I could dance like this.” Margaret gushes and watches the dancing couples enviously when an upbeat Salsa rhythm is played. None of the couples are particularly good and Jose wonders what some of them are even doing. There are only four people who know the correct steps and only two out of those are in rhythm. “I’ve always wanted to learn Salsa, but Magnus here is not a big dancer and also there’s not much of an opportunity where we are from.” Jose exchanges a look with Brock, then gets up from his chair.

“Senorita, may I have this dance?” he bows down in front of the elder woman and holds out his hand with a large smile.

“Oh, darling, really. I can’t dance Salsa.” She is hesitant.

“I’m gonna teach ya. Come on!” He insists and helps her up when she takes his hand. They kick off their shoes before he leads her to the dance floor in the sand. Slowly, he shows her the steps, then leads her through the moves.

“Darling, this is so fast,” she laughs when she stumbles again, but Jose keeps her upright.

“You can also fake it, Mary. Just swing your hips like this and shuffle your feet a bit,” he tells her and shows her how to move her hips the right way.

“Are you a professional dancer?” she laughs when she sees what he’s doing.

“Just Puerto-Rican,” he avoids answering the question directly and twirls her around. When the song ends, he carefully dips her back and they both laugh. Brock and Magnus applaud when they get back to the table.

“Did you see that Magnus? Your old wife knows how to dance Salsa!” Margaret is still out of breath as she sits down beside her husband.

“You looked good out there, papi,” Brock compliments and pecks Jose’s lips when he’s back in his seat.

“Coming from you, twinkle toes, that’s a real ass compliment. ” Jose feels really proud when he hears the praise and also sees it in Brock’s eyes. “He’s a ballerina,” Jose tells their new friends.

“Was… was a ballet dancer,” Brock laughs.

“Your feet are still fucked up, so I get to say "is”.“

"See, I told you,” Margaret tells her husband. “The first time we saw you, I told him that you had to have some ballet training because of the way you carry yourself."

"Nailed it!” Jose exclaims.

“And what do you think he does?” Brock asks curiously and points to Jose.

“Oh, that’s harder… I don’t know. Maybe something in showbiz? You said you’re from L.A. and there’s something about you… Jose, I think you belong on stage. I don’t know, if that really is your job, though or you’re like… an account by day, but you absolutely should be on stage.”

“You good. Real good,” Jose is genuinely impressed by her assessment.

“So you are? Am I right? Are you an actor?”

“That’s one way to look at it,” Brock sniggers.

“Bitch, you doing the same stupid shit as me, so stop laughing,” Jose swats at his chest.

“True,” Brock nods. “You got your phone here?”

“Yeah, need to take some cute ass pics of us. Why?”

“How about we show them? I’m sure you still have those videos of the tour saved.”

“You bet I do,” Jose says with pride, because the videos of him and Brock on stage together during their first tour are his favorite thing ever. He hands his phone to Brock, who unlocks it with his pin, then flips through the videos he has saved and throws him an incredulous look when he realises how many naked pics and videos of him Jose has saved up. Then he chooses a video of the two of them dancing to a Rihanna remix that features both the elegance and sluttiness of Brooke Lynn and the hood style and heart of Vanjie.

Brock moves his chair closer to their the elder couple while Jose gets up and stands behind them, so he can see the video as well.

“Oh my god! That’s you?” Margaret gasps when the camera zooms in on their faces and she realises what she is watching.

“Kind of,” Brock chuckles. “We’re professional drag queens and this is what we do for a living.”

“Unbelievable!” Magnus says. “Are you in Vegas or something? I’ve never seen anything like this!”

“You’re both so beautiful!”

“I used to be in a couple of Vegas shows. We also touring, did some Broadway and West end, TV shows. Brock is a host on a TV show in Canada… we kinda do it all for the money money money.”

“So, you are both dancers, just in women’s clothes. This is so good! Let us know if you ever come to Sweden and we will come and see your show!” Margaret is so enthusiastic about it she is basically vibrating in her chair.

“I think we have a show coming up in Stockholm. I’ll check it later and let you know tomorrow,” Brock promises.

“But if you are both dancers then why are you sitting here with us old folk and aren’t out there dancing?” Magnus asks.

“Dunno if all these straight couples would like us romancing it up on the dance floor,” Jose replies, uncharacteristically shy. He is usually never like this, but he is not home, he knows none of these people and he can’t remember when he was in an all straight environment for days the last time. Surely not since he moved out of his mother’s house at seventeen.

“Oh darling, if they do, just ignore them. Idiots can be found everywhere, even here in paradise,” Margaret turns around and pats his arm.

“You know what, Margaret is right,” Brock decides and gets up. “You wanna dance?” he asks Jose just as a new song comes on.

“Really?” Jose’s eyes widen.

“Really. Let’s go dance.”

“We’ve never danced together like this,” Jose says as they make their way to the beach dance-floor.

“Then that’s a good time for it. Question only is, if you gonna let me lead,” Brock smirks. He wraps his arms around Jose’s waist, while Jose’s wrap around his neck, his head resting on his shoulder and they start to sway to the song.

“J.Lo played this. It’s Maid in Manhattan.”

“What?” Brock doesn’t understand what he is taking about.

“The song, 'Fall again’ is from the movie 'Maid in Manhattan’ and J.Lo plays the lead.”

“You’re right. I love the movie. The kid is so cute.”

“And Ralph Fines is kinda hot in it.”

“Urgh… he can’t be hot in anything. He is Voldemort,” Brock scrunches up his face and Jose guffaws, then hides his face in Brock’s shoulder again.

“You can’t turn away, the past is said and done. I need us to carry on,” Jose mouths along with the words, the words spoken against Brock’s neck. When Jose looks up and smiles, he gets lost in Brock’s eyes and kisses him while they keep dancing.

They break apart with laughter when the next song starts and they both recognise it, like almost all other couples. Strangely most men flee the dance floor, while the women rush over to dance, singing along with the famous song.

“Can you do it?” Jose asks Brock mischievously and of course Brock knows what he’s talking about.

“Sure, we did similar stuff on tour all the time. And if we fall, at least it’s sand and not a hard stage floor,” Brock agrees.

“Let’s show these straight people how you do it,” Jose exclaims excitedly and they start re-enacting the choreography of Dirty Dancing’s 'Time of my life’- at least the parts they remember.

At first no one really takes notice of what they are doing. They scream the lyrics along with the rest of the people, goof off by twirling each other around and give each other exaggerated longing looks, before having a giggle fit. Then however Brock lifts Jose up and twirls him, just like in the movie and a circle forms around them. Aware of the audience they get a bit more serious about what they are doing and start the show for real.

“There’s no stage to jump off,” Brock laughs when he remembers what’s next.

“You can do it,” Jose laughs and watches when Brock jumps up and does the triple tour barefoot, in his shorts and T-shirt. The crows cheers when he lands. “That’s my ballerina!” Jose yells with glee and winks at Margaret and Magnus, who have joined the crowd watching them. Jose dances over to them and dances with Margaret again, while Brock dances with a couple of other women, until their eyes catch when they know the big moment is coming.

“You ready?” Brock yells over to him.

“You better catch me, bitch!” Jose yells back before he starts running, jumps and Brock holds him over his head in the iconic pose of the movie. “Yes! I’m flying!” Jo screams over the applause of the spectators. Brock nearly drops him because he starts laughing so hard. He manages to get him down safely and they exchange a couple of kisses between laughter and then simply goof around some more for the rest of the song.

When it ends and they leave the dance floor with Margaret and Magnus and walk back over to their table, they get stopped a couple of times and are complimented and praised and even get friendly pats on the backs from their volleyball buddies.

“Here,” Magnus says when they sit back down and hands Jose his cell phone. “I don’t know much, but I know you don’t need to unlock the phone to take pictures and videos. I hope I got it all.”

“You filmed our dance?” Brock exclaims happily, excited that they have this moment on camera.

“I hope so.” Jose checks his phone and clicks through the video. It’s all there. The whole dance.

“Magnus, I could kiss ya!” Magnus only taps his right cheek with one finger and Jose places a loud smooch on it. Then he watches the whole video, keeps replaying it and shows his favorite parts to Brock. “Hey, Brock?”

“Yes, Jose, you can upload the video on instagram with whatever crazy caption you’ve come up with. Don’t forget to tag me.”

“How did you…?” Jose is speechless.

“I know you, papi.” Brock chuckles and kisses him softly.

Ten minutes later two clips of the video are uploaded to Jose’s instagram account. Caption says:  Miss Vanjie, Miss Brooke Lynn, Do a spin, do a dip, just jump on the dick. #nobodyputmytwinkletoesinthecorner #dirtydancingdonetheVanjieway #Brocktakin'metonewHytes

TBC

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Stay Ch. 15

Master List

Pairing: Natasha X Reader (Female)

Summary: You have a gift, the ability to see other people’s innermost secrets. For years you used it to gather intel for the highest bidder when you take on The Widow. After she becomes more than a mark the two of you spend years stealing moments. Post snap you wait in your designated meeting place, look back on the sordid past you share with the woman you love and hope against everything that she’s still alive.

Warnings: Angst, and fluff, and feels oh my! 

A/N:  WOO! WE ARE NOT LATE THIS WEEK! Is sad fluff a thing? I feel that it should be because that’s really what this is. Fluff but with a nice side of... oww. 

Also can I just say that I love Clint and Laura? Like I know some people don’t but I am not those people. 

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @5aftermidnight @jeromethepsycho @marvel-randomness @daniellajocelyn @katecolleen @yanginginthere @wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @lesbian-girls-wayhaught  @siriuslycloudy2

Post Snap

It feels like you’ve been standing with your hand on the door for hours. If you go down there and she’s not there… What if you keep going down there, day after day and she’s never there? Do you live here… live in these memories until you go mad? Or… well, madder? Your sanity hadn’t been solid for some time now if you were being honest.

You can’t bring yourself to open the door. Collapsing on the edge of the bed you hold your head in your hands until your stomach growls so loudly you think it’s going to begin eating you.

If she gets here she’ll wait, or ask for your room number… For now, room service. Nothing like breakfast with a nice side of memories…

November 2006

Natasha doesn’t follow you, knowing you need a moment to breathe and work out the emotional bomb that was just dropped. Accept a leash… give up your freedom… risk everything… or lose her.

The barn door is ajar and you slip in. It’s dim, dusty, warm. The smells of wood and rust and hay filling your nose. Something about the combination reminds you of your childhood. A raw scream tears from the deepest recesses of your soul before you can stop it.

You slam against the wall, sliding down it. Rage and anxiety causing your body to shake and tingle all over. Desperately you try to breathe, to somehow calm yourself.

“Holy…” Your gaze shoots up as Clint walks right into the storm cloud of emotions that surround you. He looks like the wind has been knocked out of him.

Worried, you stare at him, unable to make your mouth form the words needed to warn him off. He just rubs his temples and hops onto the old tractor across from you.  

“Nat said you can do that, make people feel…” When his eyes meet yours they’re glassy, “Damn… I’m not even gonna ask if you’re ok because clearly ,you’re not.” You lean your head back against the wall and stare at the ceiling.

“You’ve always been like this?”

You shrug, “Sorta. Some things are new, this whole,” you wave your hands between the two of you, unable to find the words, “thing is new. Sorry about that…”

“Nah, no need. I just… woo.” You glance at him and he rubs his chest. “S.H.I.E.L.D. really isn’t all that bad ya know…”

“That’s not it…” You stand and pace to the other side of the space and back before leaning on the wall. “I wasn’t kidding ya know. The whole slave thing…”

“Figured you weren’t.”

“I spent my whole life just about, up until 16 being used by the people around me. Forced to read people, used as bait, a rat, you name it.” You wish you had something to throw, instead your foot bounces against the wall. “Literally got sold off more than once. You’d be shocked how much a little mind reader goes for these days.”

Clint’s face darkens, “That’s not-”

“Maybe.” You sigh, “Maybe, but… It’s still a leash, it’s still being at someone’s mercy at the end of the day…”

“But you’d have her.”

Your chest tightens and you fight to keep the emotions inside. “Yeah…” Focusing on him you try to get a lock on his emotions, maybe they will pull you out of this spiral. You’re struck with kindness and concern. “Why do you care? Why help the Black Widow of all people?”

“Why’d you?”

You laugh a little, “Well… at first, I kind of just wanted to get her in the sack.” Clint lets out a burst of laughter, the accompanying emotion lifting your heart a bit. “Honestly though… it took all of five minutes for me to fall for that woman.” Your eyes drift to the barn door.

“I’m assuming that’s not what happened to you though?” You cock an eyebrow at him.

“No,” he holds up his hands. “Definately not. Laura,” devotion pours from him and you can’t help but smile, “she’s it for me.” A gently smile lifts his lips, “I saw something in Natasha. Someone worth saving. She’s a good person, don’t even have to dig deep to see that.”

Warmth fills you. Knowing someone else sees her, really sees her gives you a sense of peace. Nodding in agreement your eyes drift back to the ceiling, unsure of what else to say.

“Love is a hard fuckin’ thing to find.” You look back to him, he’s leaned over the front of the tractor, staring at the doors of the barn. His eyes meet yours, the intensity of his stare jarring, “Don’t be an idiot and throw it away. But…” He hops off the machine and walks toward you, laying a hand on your shoulder. “Whatever choice the two of you make, I’ve got your back.” He winks and a thought hits you, I won’t rat you out.

A broad smile fills your face. “Thanks Clint.” He nods and heads out. After a minute you follow.

Natasha is sitting on the porch steps leaning on her knees. She doesn’t look up at you and you take a minute to just look at her. That red hair glows copper in the twilight sky, backlit by the light from inside. It falls around her face but you know here brows are drawn together, lips tense and pouty.

You want to kiss that spot between her brows, suck the tension from her lips. You want to make her happy and safe. You want… her. Always her. This complicated, messy, fierce, intimidating, incredible woman you’ve somehow fallen into. You want her…. you can have her. Damn your freedom.

Everything you feel for her is glowing in your chest. So tangible to you. Focusing on that you send it her way, softly, to see if she can feel it. Her head shoots up, staring at you as you approach, a smile softening her lips.

“You’re getting too good at that,” she says standing.

“It’s a neat trick,” you shrug, pulling her in for a kiss. The two of you embrace one another for a minute. Just feeling the pressure of the other, the solid reminder that you’ve found something worth keeping.

“Clint and Laura are taking the baby and staying in town,” she says pulling back. Your gaze shoots to the house ready to protest. She holds your shoulders, “I already tried to protest, Laura isn’t hearing it. Said they’d be back in the morning.” You smile shaking you head, how the hell had you found these people.

“Walk with me,” she slides her hand into yours, fingers intertwining.

Hand in hand you walk to the edge of the property. The growing dark is both beautiful and unsettling. Every few feet you send your senses out to make sure there’s no one lurking in the woods.

“Nat.”/“Y/N.” You say over one another after a bit. Both of you laugh and she pulls you in for a kiss.

“You go first,” she hums against your lips.

“I’ll stay.” You’re beaming as she jerks you back by your shoulders. In the half dark, you can make out the terrified expression on her face.

Your brows lift, “Uh… ok. Not the reaction I was expecting.” Her fingers lace behind her head and she turns taking a few paces. Hurt stabs in your gut, “Do… do you not want me to-”

She whirls, holding her hands out. “No! I… I want… you. But…” Your hands slide into hers and she lifts your knuckles to your lips. “I always want you,” even in the growing darkness you can see the green of her eyes sparkling.

A sigh brushes over your hands, “But I can’t let you do this. I… I can’t.”

“Then why…”

“Clint… he knew, I told him what you mean to me. He… before he decided to… well, not kill me I asked him to just get a message to you. Begged him.”

“Nat…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, ‘I don’t beg.’” She smirks, “I do though. Just for you.” Her thumbs stroke your hands. “You’re the truest thing about me, Y/N.” She tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, “Everything else is a half truth at best. But how much I love you… that’s real… that’s true.”

You grab her hand and press a kiss to her calloused palm. Her breath catches, “Anyway,” you giggle a little, “Clint thought I needed to see you, he wasn’t wrong. That fucker has a good read on me.”

“Yeah, he does.” Silently you thank him.

“So he had me call you, leave the message after I’d been here a couple of weeks,” you bristle a bit at this. “I was so fucking nervous…” You must have misread her tone in the message. Assuming the worst.

“But Fury’s ultimatum… I didn’t know until this morning. Apparently, they’ve been looking for some way to bring you in for a while… couldn’t miss the opportunity.”

“I can’t say I blame ‘em.” You shrug, “But that’s fine Natasha, if it means I can be with you, that we can-”

“No.” Her tone broaches no argument. “I think Clint is a good man, maybe Fury too but… I saw the kind of research those people were doing on those kids…” Darkness radiates from her for a second, “I know what people will do to understand someone like you.”

You just nod, all too aware. She sighs again, “Until I know it’s safe I can’t risk it. I won’t risk you.”

“Thank you,” you try to swallow the lump in your throat but your voice cracks anyway. You were ready to go along with it to be with her but it didn’t mean you were any less terrified to do so.

“I love you, Y/N,” you fall into her arms. Safety, security, love all wrap around you.

You hear an engine start, “They must be leaving. Let’s go inside.” She cups your face in her hands, “At least we have tonight.”

For the next few hours, you play house. Cooking dinner, laughing, holding one another, dancing to the crackling radio station, watching a movie on the couch while you share ice cream. It feels like a what could have been in a different world. Some place where she’s not her and you’re not you. Where you’re just two normal women lucky enough to have found the love of your lives.

You’re not paying attention to whatever movie has come on. The feeling of her nails on your scalp is overwhelming every sense you have. Her fingers still and grab your hair by the root, gentle but firm, to lift your head from her chest to her face.

Her green eyes are dark, that goddamn smirk on her full lips. She pulls your head back, your neck open, and drags the tip of her tongue from your collar bone to your ear, catching the tender flesh in her teeth.

“Still like being on your back for me?” She purrs into your ear.

Your hand slides down the front of her denim, pressing hard against her. She sighs a little, “What the hell do you think?”

Laughing she releases your hair and stands, grabbing your hands to pull you up. “We already ate their food and kicked them out of their house. Maybe we shouldn’t fuck on their couch.”

“So courteous for a notorious spy,” you tease as she leads you to the stairs.

“Didn’t you hear?” She asks heading up, “I’m turning over a new leaf.” You both giggle at that.

-

The sun rises and you’re still intiwined. Natasha’s back is pressed to your chest. You rub small circles on her abdomen, leaving tender kisses on her shoulder.

“I love you,” you whisper into the shell of her ear, watching her smile form. She reaches back and gives your hip a squeeze in response then catches your hand on her abdomen in her own, holding it tight.

“I don’t think I’ve ever resented a sunrise this much.” Her smile fades and you press a kiss under her ear.

“This isn’t goodbye,” you think of what Clint said yesterday. “You’ll still be out in the field, so will I… if we happen to be in the same place…”

She turns in your arms to face you, “You aren’t worried that-”

“Nat, if we can’t hide our… extra circulars we need to find new lines of work.”

She laughs and kisses you, “I guess you’re right.”

“And you know I won’t compromise you. So, this is just a new path. We’ll figure out how to make it work.”

“Together,” she says with a nod and a kiss.

“Together,” you agree.

The next couple of hours you don’t fuck or anything like that. No, you just hold on to one another, memorizing every detail.

You hear a car pull up outside, the front door opening. “Hey lovebirds!” Clint bellows up the stairs, “We brought breakfast. Sure you need to refuel after-”

“Jesus Christ, Clint,” Laura groans.

“What?!” He asks, voice fading as he heads away from the stairs.

Both of you laugh for a minute before silence falls. Getting out of this bed is the first step toward separation. While you knew this wasn’t goodbye you also didn’t know when you would see each other again. The uncertainty, that was the worst part.

Sighing you both get up and dress before heading downstairs.

“Finally,” Clint smirks at the both of you as you walk in the kitchen hand in hand.

“Please, just ignore him,” Laura rolls her eyes and passes you a cup of coffee.

“Thank you,” she nods and turns to the baby in his chair at the counter.

“So,” Clint elbows Natasha playfully as she picks up a donut, “was I right? Better?” She punches him in the chest and he laughs, “I was right.”

“Right about what?” You eye them both suspiciously.

“That seeing you would put everything in perspective.” He gives you a wink. “You make your choice, Ms. Psychic?”

“Not a psychic,” you take a bite of a donut, “see any crystals?” Natasha flashes a little smile at you as you chase your donut with a gulp of coffee.

“But… yeah. Or, I did and she changed my mind.”

“Oh?” Clint’s brows raise.

“I told her not to join,” she gives him a steady stare. “Not until I can be sure it’s safe.”

Laura nods in agreement as she leans on the counter next to Clint. He looks pensive, “May not be another offer.”

You laugh a little bitterly, “Sure. You think if I walk up to Fury at any point and say, ‘Take me I’m yours,’ he’s gonna refuse?”

Nat chokes on her sip, “If that time comes I hope you phrase it differently.”

“Jealous,” you give her a wink laughing.

Clint shakes his head, “I think it’s a good call. Fury is a good man, helped me more than once, but you’re right to be wary.” His brows knit, “You should probably be out of here before they get back…” He eyes Nat, “Just to be safe.”

“These are your people, gotta say your lack of trust isn’t encouraging.”

He shrugs, “I’ve seen too much to trust many people entirely. I don’t know everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. so I can’t promise you’d be safe, can only promise that the people I know are above board.” He pulls Laura close, “Hell, I don’t trust them to know about this place.”

“Really?” You’re genuinely shocked.

“As far as S.H.I.E.L.D. knows he’s a swarthy bachelor,” Laura smiles up at him kissing his cheek.

“Makes sure my family stays safe.”

“But Fury…” He’s the head of S.H.I.E.L.D. after all.

“Understands entirely,” Clint shrugs. “Not a shred of information about this place is on their files. That’s why I think if you give him a little time, he’ll understand with you too two.”

You snort, “Doubt it.” You look at Laura, “I don’t exactly know you but you don’t strike me as a spy, informant, or general international miscreant.”

She laughs, “You’d be right.”

“Fury, may be ok with this little home on the prairie set up because you fell in love with someone who’s not likely to be an international security risk.”

“True,” Clint leans his head in acknowledgement, “but he’s not unreasonable. All I’m sayin’ is be patient.”

The morning comes and goes in sweet peace. Two more pots of coffee are downed. You both play with the baby, which is new for you. Clint tells you a bit about his history, how he and Laura met. It’s all so normal it makes you dream things could be like this always.

Once the afternoon hits the mood shifts. The chances of Fury arriving early are high according to Clint and if you want to avoid a confrontation with him you need to disappear well before his slated time of arrival. At 2pm you’re packing your bag.

Nat sits on the edge of the bed, pained expression on her face as you tuck your knife into your boot. You can’t help but wonder how long your lives would be this endless series of moments flanked by joyful hellos and heartbreaking goodbyes…

You’re looking down into your bag when you hear her swallow a sob. “Honey?” You rush to wrap her in your arms.

She latches on to you tight, her face in your chest as she begins to weep. Tears are not Natasha’s thing, concern settles heavy over you.

“I can stay,” you whisper into her hair fighting to keep your own emotions in check. “You just say the word, Natasha.”

“No,” she manages between hitching breaths, “no.”

She sits up, sniffing, wiping at her red eyes. “I just… it only gets harder… separating like this.”

You nod. There just aren’t words. Disregarding the time you pull her to the bed and you hold one another close, for just a little longer. You don’t speak just cover the other in kisses.

After a while, there’s a soft knock at the door. “Sorry,” Laura’s voice is low. “Clint, said we need to get goin’ soon.” Tears are sparkling in her eyes when you look at her and nod.

Laura was driving you into town. Less suspicious for her to run to the store according to Clint. Your bag loaded in the SUV you embrace one last time, your kiss desperate and longing.

Pressing your forehead to her’s you will just one emotion to swirl from you to her, love. “I love you, Natasha.”

She gasps that sweet sound she always makes as if it’s still a surprise to feel this, “I love you, Y/N.”

Finally, you force yourself to let go and climb in, through the window you point at Clint, “I take back my threat from before.” He laughs a little, “But you’re responsible if something happens to her got it?”

“Crystal,” he says winking at you and wrapping an arm around Nat’s shoulders.

“Love you baby,” he hollers at Laura.

“Love ya!” And with that, you pull away.

After about a mile you press your cheek against the cool glass, trying to hold yourself together. A warm hand settles on your thigh. Comfort, warm and soft, floods the car.

You don’t speak the whole ride to town, which is almost an hour. When she pulls up the the bus stop she turns to you.

“I won’t pretend I can understand what you’re going through. But once the dust settles you and Natasha are always welcome in our home.” Your brows raise, she heard Fury yesterday… “I trust Nick with my life, with my family, but this deal is bull shit. I don’t care what you’ve done… Holding love as a bargaining chip is unacceptable.”

Her anger is right at the surface and you catch glimpses of her raging at Clint about it as he sits back, nodding in agreement. You can’t help but smile.

“Thank you… seriously… thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she hugs you across the console. As you turn to open the door she grabs your hand, “And, Y/N, I know you’ve done whatever you can do to survive… no one could fault you for that. Just… remember there are good people who care about you, you aren’t in this alone anymore.”

Holding her stare all you can do is nod, words drowning under the lump in your throat. She smiles, releases your hand, and you open the door.

[Post Snap]

You run your finger around the edge of your coffee mug staring out into nothing.

“Please let them be ok,” you say aloud to anything that will hear your prayers.