#but not really since this exact scenario didnt happen

[purplepixel]

Rise Mikey and Donnie + 6 Protective

:}

#6 Protective: Mikey and Donnie

FOR YOU MY DEAR CLAIRE :]

[dwter]

hey everyone, so ive had a lot of time at this point to ruminate and have had conversation after conversation about everything going on and i truly and genuinely mean this when i say i think so much of my thinking and immediate reactions were entirely based in fear, anxiety and grief that i didn't give myself the ability to view the situation as it is.

ill say from the beginning ive always chosen to view this in a worst case scenario perspective. not just for myself, but also i think dismissing the victim ESPECIALLY those using anything to dismiss her literally instantly is really icky and so ive always looked at this with the perspective of everything (more or less) being true. now with that in mind--i dont think this entire thing was nearly as black and white as i initially thought it was. im saying it straight to save everyone the time to try and figure out my perspective, but after talking with people and thinking about real life, how people irl would view this and DO view it and other instances of this exact scenario happening both online and in real life: this is truly just not the horrible morally bankrupt incident i thought it was.

i thought a lot about how i wanted to go about explaining my perspective or if i even wanted to bc i really didnt want this to he seen as "dream defense" or align myself with the people who have had that stance since the absolute beginning bc they are srsly insane, but this is more for myself and for anyone who felt like they didnt have a perspective they resonated with throughout all of this. this is one of the first instances where i felt a genuine dissonance between my thoughts and feelings and my friends in the community whose thoughts i have always always valued above anything else, often even my own, especially when i was struggling with feeling conflicted out of fear and grief. i always clung to the people whose opinions i trusted (and still do trust dont get me wrong) because it felt easier than having to sort my guilty and scared conscience into rationality that could possibly oppose the people ive always looked to for guidance in discourse. just that fear on being on the wrong side of history and such. but like i said, this long winded and horribly overserious essay is for me more than anyone else--if not for people who have struggled with the exact same shitty time.

ill say the absolute first thing: it was not grooming. i held this opinion literally the entire time and people calling it grooming are not only using the term wrong but genuinely causing harm to such a serious topic. we are talking about two adults in a relationship with an age difference of four years like holy shit. when the first girl dropped her story, almost everyone came to the conclusion that it just wasnt that serious because he thought she was 18. with the second girl, she was one month from 18 and the dms from before turning such were genuinely the driest conversations in the world that he never initiated or made any notion of pursuing. this isnt to say you cant be icked out--the point of me talking about this isnt to make you suddenly change your views on anything but to try and claim that it was grooming or a crime took place is just wrong and dishonest of everyone. this is such a large part of where my personal dissonance with everyone's takes came from bc the way people were trying to claim that liking an 18 year old as a 22 year old was something akin to literal pedophilia (<- bc people WERE genuinely saying this) made me feel confused but also deeply guilty because i really just did not understand. and now that im less miserable, i can recognize that that confusion wasnt just linked to parasocialism or whatever deep twisted thing i thought was in my soul, it was literally just not the big insane evil everyone made it out to be. again, this isnt to try and say you individually cant be like "i dont like this" or "this is icky to me" or "this was bad judgement on his part" (<- which is my personal view btw) but to pretend it is some strange insane act of an active predator genuinely boggles my mind. i dont want to chalk everything up to being covidbrained but i think its a huge part of where this dissonance to real life comes from because i really do think if most of you sit down with genuinely and utterly normal people, they will not give a fuck about this. ive SEEN people have conversations about this with noemal people irl and have them literally laugh in their face bc of how deeply unserious it is. and again, i want to reenforce that doesnt mean YOU dont have to care, but to act as if this isnt an objectively undeep incident between two people is odd, especially to the degree ive seen.

now i cant just say this and be done so lets talk about the next part that people had an issue with: fan and creator power dynamic. ill also say this very straight: when the stuff came out with both girls i had a much larger issue with the "age gaps" than i did this for so many reasons. ive always, even before all of this, had my own opinions and such about ccs and fans ever having relationships and it usually along the basis of "as long as there is consent and mutuality, i have no real issue." its not strange to me that people want to be with people they like and idealize and vice versa. to keep this as objective as i can with this perspective, i wont get into thoughts that for dream specifically it especially doesnt surprise me in the sense that his past relationship + facing vitriol from every corner of the internet but fans + overall paranoia could have absolutely reenforced the normalcy and reasoning in this judgement call but i digress. i mean just obvious examples of people wanting to get with celebrities, or groupies or even in platonic ways where fans become genuine and actual friends of creators--ccs having relationships with fans was never a big deal to me personally. and since its relevant to mention in this case, ESPECIALLY online ones. im not saying there cant be power imbalances among a fan and a cc/celebrity, but to get like theyre all inherently like that again just makes zero sense to me and never has even before dream. this applies especially online where power dynamics are significantly dampened from what they can be and just i mean logically, dream has been a full blown cc for like a little less than 3 years and only at this level for maybe 1 or 2 without experiencing it in real life too. the idea that he himself would not see an issue with this, especially because it was a mutual exchange of company, is so completely unsurprising. and at its core, there really is no real issue in it of itself. a bad judgement call from dream? yes and ill stand by that since he shouldve been better safe than sorry. morally bankrupt and manipulative? 😭 no, not after really assessing shit rationally. i also want to add that it was a mutual thing. i know people are really trying to tear everything amanda says apart (<- which is incredibly strange btw, especially if that was your instant reaction and you were doing it publicly too), but taking everything shes saying as true, we know that there was a MUTUAL exchange of things of a sexual nature and this wasnt some manipulative one-sided exchange where dream controlled everything and gave nothing in return. this isnt to say that amandas feelings are entirely invalid or anything along those lines, but those feelings stem from miscommunication and not morally bankrupt predatory behaviours. like seeing all of the info and looking at the situation as it is, its very clear dream saw and believed this to be a mutual relationship. i was so confused and scared and panicked seeing words like "groomer", "innocent", "guilty", "predator" and others being thrown around i didnt even want to try viewing it for myself. but now that i have and now that ive talked to others, this entire situation reads as a bad break up more than anything else, not a strange manipulative abuse of power where mutuality is nonexistent.

overall this entire situation was framed so horrifically and i was tearing myself apart so much about feeling confused, it genuinely did not hit me the extent of just how deeply unserious it was until a friend of mine told me how they went out with their normal, most unchronically online friend, told the situation in the most objective way possible, and they literally laughed in their fucking face 😭 i also started thinking about real life instances of this happening like if it was another cc, a random tiktoker, an actor and realizing i literally would not care--and significantly less people who are as up in arms as they are would care too. and that ignores the fact that it was ONLINE, compared to in-person where whatever power dynamic could exist would be amplified by a thousand.

this entire thing is just so entirely subjective and if your personal opinions and values find this all shitty, absolutely no one is going to try and say to feel otherwise, at least not me. but to completely ignore that its just that--personal--values and opinions that determine how you view this, and act as though it is objectively some morally bankrupt, impossible to understand, predatory situation just feels reactionary and disconnected from real life at best and just shitty and even virtue signalling at worst. and also dont get me started on what some of you twisted that charity event in technos memory into because fucking shame on you, but ill make a separate post on that later maybe.

this really isnt meant to be a form of "dream defense" because if i was taught anything this past week it was that the way i connected so much of my own conscience to my ability to defend dream and his pr was and is entirely unhealthy, and it was all a wake up call--just not towards dream. the level of miserable agony i experienced, not even mostly because of what dream did, but because i felt like i couldnt DEFEND it, was dangerously all consuming and i dont want that anymore. its just not a healthy way to engage with any media, the need to constantly justify it in every single instance, and especially not with a cc. i want to be able to just see drama and controversy ride out and not have it feel so utterly all consuming, even if i do choose to comment on it. im making this statement bc like i said, it really sucked to feel like there was no public voice i completely agreed with and i realized that i could do that role if i wanted. and honestly, its just been very cathartic for me to write all of this out after feeling like an echo chamber of other peoples thoughts and my own grief the last week.

this community disappointed me in many ways, both the freaks who jumped on any baseless thread disproving amandas claims, dissected her behaviour, was very strangely dream defensive and chose to do all that shit PUBLICLY too. but also the people who chose to use this as an opportunity to act in the most reactionary strange ways that felt so virtue signal-y it was nauseating. i know the people who held/hold the views i did also dealt with the guilt and fear i did too, and thus no one was willing to so deal with the mortifying ordeal of a) sorting through these thoughts and b) saying them in any kind of public space even with just close friends, but ESP on a public blog. i mean, that was literally me. but it really fucking sucked to have just these two extremely polarizing and extremely isolating opinions be the only available voices 😭 my thoughts are getting very rambley now and i apologize, but i hope my points are getting across.

this is already insanely long, but ill start wrapping up. if you disagree with me, obviously thats fine. like i said, this was never made with the objective to change peoples minds which arguably was what my usual dream discourse essays was meant for sometimes. this was made for me and for this specific perspective to have light for anyone who wants or needs it. all i hope is that if you do come out of this with anything, is some form of awareness. of either real life, your opinions or even just yourself i dont know.

i really did love my time on tumblr so so fucking much. and i loved the people here even more so. i think i owe it all to you guys and just my blog itself to say my thoughts on shit, no matter if any of you agree or not. plus i mean if this flops i surely never have to face the consequences if im leaving anyways so peepoClap. thank you all so much for everything, and if you made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read my bullshit. i dont know if after this ill still leave, but regardless, it feels wrong to not make some homage to such an impactful place in my life. impactful people too :)

thank u all for reading again, and good fucking night !

[puhpandas]

so uh sorry in advance if this question is annoying or if you've already been asked it before but. I haven't read the GGY book yet, I know what happens in it for the most part and I plan to read the pizzaplex books in order, but as someone who hasn't read it yet.. What exactly is it you see in shipping gregory and tony? no hate, just a genuine question on what about it is appealing, I don't really get it but I wanna understand it. is it something about the way it's written in the books or just the dynamic in general?

my genuine answer is the plot and story that could come from them. since its implied tony didnt know the real Gregory during their friendship and that ggy attacks him at the end of ggy I think theres so much story potential if he survives and like. as a mystery solver actually frees Gregory after realizing what's going on

I dont actually ship Gregory and tony from the strictly canon ggy book sense but I think that post ggy, tony and Gregory bonding over what they went through with ggy (in a scenario where he frees greg) and tony getting to know the REAL Gregory is just really interesting. and in my case I think beckory/romance could eventually come from that :)

it's why all of my beckory content (at least now) is always post ggy. even if Gregory was himself during their three amigos friendship in ggy I dont think beckory could happen because of what kind of people they both are. not only does post ggy beckory make more sense after going through stuff together but since tony is a selfish person with easily fixable flaws if he'll just realize them I think him growing and changing as a person during his and Gregory's (and depending, ellis, since he has to be included too. I believe in no tony without ellis) adventure would be so interesting

this ask wasnt rude or anything so dont worry :) I'm glad to answer it. this is my own appeal to beckory but others dont have my exact preferences and that's okay, but this is how I see them trying to stick as closely to in character as possible. I like seeing beckory as a continuation of ggy and not completely changing everything about the book to make it happen, you know?

I like the story and I think beckory would come from that, not purely beckory so I erase everything else. Tony's character development tied with beckory + how beckory can parallel fronnie is so appealing to me. I'm a writer so of course I love the big picture + the ship more than just the ship lol

[i4ksm]

xdz as romance tropes ! (1/2)

warnings: slightly suggestive, nothing more

i havent written in forever so this is super last minute and messy im so sorry!

GUNIL

— brother’s best friend/forbidden love

gunil would come over to your house after school alot, but not to see you no way. but your brother. him and your brother who are just a year and a half apart have been best friends since the third grade. seeing him everyday was weird at first. you always had this mindset that oh hes a boy we have to look and act our best around a boy but as you have gotten older you don’t care as much because you trust him and are comfortable around him. but something happened at his and your brother’s graduation party. he looked at you from across the patio with his puppy eyes, as if he was admiring you for the first time ever. anyone would say little specks of love floated around them. from that day foreward it was like you started to move backwards. you started trying to look a little more pretty when you knew you were seeing him, even if it was just for a few seconds. close proximity cause your cheeks and ears to heat up. you found yourself thinking of him often, multuple scenarios, cute ones and even naughty ones. but you always had to shake that feeling because hes your brother’s best friend, and your brother never went a day without reminding him that you were off limits. and even to this day after you have both moved out and moved on you never knew how much he really wanted you. but who knows what the future holds.

JUNGSU

— lovers in denial

you and jungsu were so obviously in love it was painful. what was so painful about you? both of you denied it. it started off small, first gunil noticed it. when you joined the band you were a vocalist, so was jungsu so you always like writing harmonies together. but when you woulf sing together you couldnt take your eyes off of eachother. then more and more people started to take notice. and when they did so did you. but the glances and the staring went unspoken about between the two of you. but now is the even worse, pretending like the two of you don’t hold hands under tables or fuck in a closet before practice. nobody understood why the two of you kept denying it. you never talked about it either. its like the two of you were too shy or afraid of commitment, so when the question got asked the two of you would stay silent. everyone knows the two of you are in love, and happy. so yeah its annoying but at least you make eachother insanely happy.

GAON

— jealousy/love triangle

jiseok doesnt do live triangles, he told himself if he ever found himself in this exact situation he would back out. but.. its you we are talking about. the one he would stare at while you were focused and he would giggle when you’d do that thing with your tounge when you stick it out a little if you think too hard. how he held your hand when you were anxious, and walked home from school so you felt safe. so jiseok had every right to feel a little bit of fire in his chest when a random guy just a grade above you two made you laugh. he made you laugh, gaon loved your laugh. but he found out he didnt like hearing it if it was because of another guy. so that day while walking you home from school he asked you on a date. you trust jiseok so of course you said yes. and that saturday you went on that date. he decided to ask about this random guy who popped into your life like he was important. the relief he felt when you said you found him annoying. then jiseok made a joke and you laughed, he couldnt help himself. the fact he hated seeing another guy near you, it clouded up his mind so much he realized he needed you to be officially his, and his you became.

[im-not-a-simp-i-swear]

"PLEASE JUST GO TO BED.."

Scenario: lucifer gets sick but refuses to rest because of all the work he has to do

(Im sick as of writing this but just like the scenario, i have work to do..)

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Today was a long day for everybody in the devildom, infact it was long enough to lead to almost everyone going to sleep was nightime arrived, everyone except one stubborn busy demon.

The avatar of pride could not go to sleep now, he had alot of paperwork to finish for tommorrow for Diavolo, he had been working all day and only got to eat some food thanks to you bringing it over to him. Even then Lucifer didnt bother taking breaks, he'd only get up from his office for some coffee.

As he checked every paper and did his job he noticed his eyes feeling itchy and his throat feeling scratchy. Not much was thought about this since he hadnt really been paying attention to his needs today. He took a sip of his coffee and didnt think much of it, but then the itchiness came back and he was having a hard time breathing properly. A cough came out of nowhere and it was then that the demon realized what was about to happen. He couldnt get sick tommorrow.

Seeing as he was almost done however (and as the household was completely quite) he decided to call it a day and go to bed. It was only a couple of pages that needed some signing left so he decided to do so tommorrow before handing it over to the prince tommorrow.

He got up and head to his room, but not before drinking some water and taking a pill to help out. "I'll be fine tommorrow" he thought, plus even if he ended up sick he would still be able to work, its not like he has ever gotten bad enough to die hahaha...

.

.

.

A few voices came from the hallways that were loud enough to wake up the eldest. Lucifer opened his eyes but they quickly closed afterwards. He then felt like his whole body was being dragged back to bed as he attempted to get up. Did he stayed up that late? But he still manages to wake up early anyways.

Then it came, a noise he did NOT wish to hear.. a cough. In fact the cough was bad enough to leave his throat aching, to make matters worse he felt his nose runny and a headache bad enough to kill a man.

By pure magic he finally got up and went to get ready for today, still the hot shower and light breakfast didnt help him at all. His entire body felt like it was cooking and he really just couldnt stay standing for long enough. His brothers and even you could tell something was off, but when asked if he was alright he would put on his mask and answer yes.

.

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.

In the council room Lucifer was finishing his work, it was just a few pages left anyways. Problem was it felt like there was more work than he remembered... maybe he didnt count correctly last night? No no no he did find the exact same amount of yesterday's work missing to be finished. He took a heavy breath as he felt again so tired and he rubbed his eyes to stay open and to stop the aching. He cant be sick right now, there is so much to do today! If he didnt do it then who would??

.

.

.

Class felt even longer than finishing that work. He ended up scibbling onto the missing paperwork just so he could make it to class in time. His head was still pounding, and his body felt like it was going to shut off at any moment now. He could barely understand what the teacher was saying without hearing an annoying echo in the background. He had tried to drink some water before class but he couldnt do so in time, he drink some now but his body was aching hard enough for him to not wanna move.

You and Mammon just so happened to be in the same class at that moment and you could tell that something was wrong. Mammon did so too, and while he was convinced that lucifer would just give you two the same answer as this morning, you two still decided to ask him after class if he was ok again.

You saw him leaving down the left hallway so you called him out. He didnt turn arounf however.. you tried again with the same result. Third time was fortunately the charm, however he didnt seem happy to see you two.

"You sure you're good?" Asked Mammon standing behind you. "Yeah you seemed pretty distracted during class today" you add to his question.

"I said im.. fine" he took a moment to finish his response, his headache was only getting more and more worse. You placed a hand on his shoulder and asked if he was sure, "its ok if you dont feel well, Diavolo's event is later today anyways and there is enough time for you to at least take a nap".

"No, really im great," he said still avoiding eye contact with you two. This wasnt the lucifer you knew so you decided to lift his face and confirm his words. His eyes had heavier bags than usual and his looked awfully pale, yes more than he usually gets, the only parts of his face that wasnt snow white was his nose and cheeks, which were very red. "Lucifer you're burning" you tell him as you feel his forehead with your backpalm.

Mammon continued to stand behind you but was now more concerned than before. "MC im fine" lucifer tells to you again, his voice sounding more affirmative than before. Still Lucifer was your friend (probably more depending who is reading this), and you couldnt bear to see him try to work to death.

.

.

.

The event Diavolo had been planning all week was just about to start, the prince seemed really excited as well as some of the brothers. Before officially starting however the prince wished to check on everyone one last time. He had to make sure you were all prepared. "Beel, belphie, do you two have everything ready?" He starts checking. The twins nodded. "Satan, MC, Asmo?" You and the forth born nodded as well. "Mammon, levi?" They responded with a yes. "Luc...ifer? Are you alright? You seem.. tired" asks the prince as he sees his right hand man starring at the horizon, at this poitn everyone could tell he wasnt well. He just nodded as a response as well.

"Lucifer you do have to participate if youre feeling bad, its ok" says Simeon as he leans slightly forward, with the younger angel behind him. Lucifer doesnt respond this time, instead his breathing becomes unsteady again and he proceeds to lose his balance. Its a good thing that you were next to him or else he wouldnt plopped to the floor. He tries to say something bad he felt so ass he couldnt anymore.

As he passes out everyone starts to panic. You could only carry him in your arms for so long before Mammon and Beel walked up to help you lay him down. You sat next to his head to hold it correctly so when he wakes it his neck doesnt feel sore. Simeon and Solomon also walked up to see what to do. Diavolo however would end up being the one to come up with a plan on what to do.

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Everything seemed blurry as Lucifer finally opens his eyes again. He still didnt feel any better but at least he was in his room again. "Wha... where.. what happened?" He asks to himself. You walk in however with a wet warm towel and answered his question. "You passed out Luci, you seem to have caught a nasty fevet" you tell him.

You place your hands on his shoudler and order him to lay down so you can place the towel on his head. You have to use the pact between you two so he can actually get better becuase (knowing him) he would just get up again and try to get back to work. "What about the.." he tries to ask but you interupt him, "the others have it undercontrol, but it will end early so your brothers can help out". Its funny how you manage to respond his questions without him even finishing them, but it is very frustrating to have to use your pact so he can rest. Lucifer just refuses to stay in bed doing nothing, he has work to do.

"Lucifer-"

"MC i cant stay here i'm very busy today"

"But Diavolo ended up giving you the rest of thr week off until you get better"

"Im already feeling amazing, thanks for the help but-" just then he feels his body give up on him again and he falls to the floor.

"I.." you sigh before activating the pact again, "lucifer please just go to bed.." you tell him.

With that you manage to get him back to bed and you decide to keep an eye on him the remaining of today. There are moments when he tries to get up and leave but you manage to catch him just in time. You also make sure he eats well and takes his medecine so he can get better. Once nightime arrives again the others arrive and decide to give you a hand as well.

Thanks to teamwork and ALOT of patience with the eldest Lucifer finally gets better. It did took the rest of the week for him to get better but whats important is that the avatar of pride isnt sick anymore, and he even thanks you and the rest of the gang for helping him :)

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Sorry if this is messy but i really do feel like trash right now so i wrote this mess, depending on this post i might to a sequel or write another fic where the brothers dont have MC to help out, it would be a fun crack fic :)

[bewilderedbuck]

I neeedddddd to know your predictions based off the trailer (of Benvi in particular, I really do care about other things in the show but I love them the most)

ooooh okay so.....not all of these predictions are actually serious some of them i just think would be FUN but i dont think they'll actually implement lmao. also....as usual i dont know when to shut the fuck up and stop typing SO. predictions under the cut!!

my prediction for benvi is: devi ghosts ben post-boinkening (basically confirmed; the trailer insinuates that they havent spoken since); ben goes after margot because she likes him (and we all saw how well it went the last time ben started dating someone else bc devi wasn't an option), it implodes, devi retaliates by dating ethan because he's hot or whatever the fuck (and honestly good for her im sure he's a tool but like.....rebound arm candy isnt necessarily a bad thing.....except in this case it is bc that is Also going to implode.) i think it would be HILARIOUS if margot and ethan ended up going out lmfao but. i doubt it. after both their rebounds fail (ben's i want to say around episode 2 bc i dont think they'll drag it out super long, and devi's probably episode 5?) they're still.....skirting around each other, in a will they/won't they kind of situation. i can see fab & eleanor trying to talk some sense into devi but devi just not listening bc she's stubborn as hell and of course she knows there's something there with ben but they've done this back-and-forth dance for so long that she's still nervous about taking that full leap.

and well. then she ends up getting like...accosted in new york (which im guessing the trailer may have been a bit misleading about that exact scenario because, ya know, it's a trailer) and ben tries to play knight in shining armor and well. we all saw what happened lmfao. cue devi icing ben's face n devi being like "why did you do that?" and ben just says "for you" or smthn cheesy as hell. this is probs around like? episode 7 i'd like to think? and they probably at least partially get their shit together but like. lbr it's ben and devi. so it can't be 100% smooth sailing. like you said im excpecing a tatbilb sort of thing - they agree to date & then break up before going to college. (we all know devi gets denied for early decision from princeton - this could play into her actually going to a school in new york - something prestigious, ofc, she graduates as valedictorian).

based on the trailer....im honestly torn on whether ben goes to prom or not! i know you said smthn about him perhaps going home and changing, but part of me also thinks - what if he didnt go at all? what if he stays home, because he knows this is gonna be one of his last good memories with devi and he just cant do it? i know we havent seen a lot of bts for season 4, but we have seen bts of maitreyi + lee + ramona in their prom dresses, and i dont recall jaren being there at all or wearing a suit (the only suit bts ive seen is of him in 2x10). so......maybe he doesnt go, but he comes to her after. idk exactly how that will play out but thats what im hoping for!!!

and of course, they end up going to the same school - thats been something ive been sure of since, well, forever lmao. i'm 100000% convinced that the last shot of the show is going to be devi coming up to ben in the library of their college or vice versa and if im wrong i will eat my mf words

as for other predictions....

i'm with you on thinking it might not be kamala's wedding anymore, but i'm still not sure who's wedding it would be - perhaps another family member? a family friend? who knows.

i think treleanor is going to break up, which is TRAGIC because they r everything to me <3 but i feel like they're the kind of couple to come back to each other after years apart so im holding out hope for them 🤞 in treleanor we trust u know !!!!

paxton's.....there. idk. he's there. devi probably like. goes after him or whatever in the midst of the ben/margot/ethan bullshit bc she doesnt want to be alone and shes like oh i finally like myself maybe i can have this since i can't have what i really want but ya know power dynamics due to him being sherman oaks staff or whatever so. im HOPING as the party with the upper hand in that scenario he turns her down or whatever. maybe she even waits until after this to go after ethan - make both ben and paxton jealous, kill two birds with one stone

i have no idea what else im hoping for and this is straight up a Wall of text aksjdss;d im SO SORRY u know how i get !!!!!

[kusanalogy]

How'd you draw it so fast?

Albedo x gn!reader

a/n: SUNNY MAKES A COMEBACK AFTER A MONTH OF NOT ACTIVELY WRITING?!?!? Hi my nickname is aiho now 😊 sunny was not my real name haha. reader knows how to draw well

Warnings: NOT PROOFREAD. please tell me if i made mistakes, will edit them

inspired from his 2022 birthday letter, Not the exact scenario (but same idea) and reader is not the traveller/mc

"You're the judge of this one, What do you think?"

Albedo and you we're simply sharing eachother's arts on a cold, silent night right outside of his camp, since he didnt really want a big surpise birthday party. Instead, something simple like this would do.

Your eyes light up at the drawing he presented to you, A neat and detailed drawing of your eyes! "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.... eleven!!! Out of ten, that is."

He smiles in approval, looking at his drawing once more. What feature of you should he draw next?

While he puts the drawing back in a pile, he notices the food you've cooked was finished! "Hey, over there. Lets get back inside." He says as he points to the food

You follow and carry your things back, but one paper fell out of the pile. Picking it up again, you realize its just another "work in progess" you never managed to finish. "Nevermind," you think, and place it on the top of the pile.

While eating the snacks you made, albedo starts to tell stories of experiments he did in the past. You managed to understand and listen, only god knows how. In a matter of time, you started to share what you've been doing aswell.

The both of you took turns telling stories, but a certain piece of paper decided to interrupt you. It was the same "work in progress" again.

Albedo noticed it and picked it up. "Ah, whats this?"

"Nothing! Merely a work in progress... Haha..." You insist as you try to take it back. But put it away from you and started to "see if he can get what its supposed to be".. To be honest, even you forgot.

"Is this... A self-portrait?" He guesses and hands it back to you.

Taking a good look at it, it does so happen to look a bit like you. "I'm pretty sure it is."

"Uh- When do you plan on continuing this?"

You clear your throat "I may or may not have completely forgotten about it. Now, what was i saying again? The story."

"Right- rude of me to interrupt you further." Albedo rubs his head, as apologizing

"Thats alright!"

.

.

.

Listening to your humble voice, he couldnt help but wonder what would your reaction be if he continued the artwork for you? It was a nice idea.

Without you noticing, he grabbed a pencil and started from the sense you were using right now: your mouth. Then the face shape, hair.. pose....

"Woah, how'd you draw it so fast??"

Albedo snaps out of his thoughts because of your voice and looks at what he just drew. It was you making a heart with your hands.. Out of slight embarrasment, he covers his face with his hands

"haha, its alright 'bedo, I think its beautiful! May i keep it?"

[liquidstar]

no literally I think about the if stories like ALL the time. I think one of the big advantages of having a story where time travel can happen is that the side stories reveal so much about who the characters could have been if things went a little differently. one of re:zero's biggest themes is the way identity is informed by both the choices you make and the people you meet, and it's strangely fitting that both subaru and emilia are at all times disturbingly close to a breaking point. you really get to see how fragile both their identities are and especially how bad subaru can be when he's at his worst. it reveals so much about both of them

YEAH NO FOR REAL THE WHAT:IF STORIES ARE SO GOOD FOR THAT EXACT REASON

like. okay i know that theres a marvel "what if" series and im not ragging on it but a lot of the concepts for it based on what i know are totally random scenarios, which can be good fun, but i feel like the way re:zero handles the what:if stories as dark routes the characters could have EASILY gone down if subaru didnt make the "right" choice in that arc so much more interesting. especially w how theyre combined w the sin he learned to overcome within himself and how those themes end up relating back to the story even if theyre not in the main route... if anything its closer to like, you know, video game routes! the whole "return by death" thing is already sort of a dark twist on the respawn mechanic lol. but like in the way that theyre "canon" but not actually the one true route, the events in them are still equally important to the story and the characters. theyre not just aus because they matter thematically. (well, most of them, butterfly dream doesnt count since it was written as a joke before the author knew what he wanted the "what:if" series to be and i think its since been discontinued as the "canon" lust:if)

ill say i was a bit disappointed with this years april fools story to that end though since we didnt get a proper what:if and instead just a genderbend of arc 1- i understand that maybe its not quite the time for one yet but a genderbend is so boring to me because its the exact same scenario but with pronouns flipped, and arc 1 isnt even a particularly fun arc on reread (we're ALREADY introduced to the world! we dont need a reintroduction to Reinhard With Boobs). oh well its not actually a big deal at the end of the day its just mildly disappointing.

but i do think its really funny and clever that the what:ifs come out on april fools day because its also subaru’s birthday. did you know season 2 was originally meant to air from april 1st to september 23rd (emilia’s birthday)? i think thats a super cool and fun concept but sadly covid happened in 2020 lol. but season 2 still rocked... the full 30 min episodes w no op or ed you can tell there was care there

[thebadtimewolf]

Tentoo was a biological metacrisis, what happened in the third doctor audio was still a mental metacrisis like what happened to Donna.

Tentoo has the same exact mind && he is not another man and his mind did not burn. If you are using audios as canon you could listen to Flight Into Hull.

im just happy to pour out all the lore i got in my from reading and listening and watching dr who. so buckle up yo.

Considering the 50th anniversary with Paul McGann bringing up literal characters strictly from audios as a goodbye speech all the way to how he also interacts with other doctors in comics, tv (as seen later with 13) AND BOOKS: not only is the audios are canonical alongside the books and tv but that whatever we see on the tv on a week to week basis is just a snippet of the travels that is later referenced or mentioned upon in other forms of media (my favourite examples is the river meeting ten FRESH AFTER TEN SAW HER JUST DIE AFTER DROPPING DONNA OFF FROM THE LIBRARY ADVENTURE LIKE WOW BAD TIMING ON HIS PART GOOD LORD. and of course the time lord victorious multi media of comic/book/audio that takes place as its own season of specials with 8 9 10 DIRECTLY after water of mars BUT BEFORE THE 50TH FOR TEN TIMELINE WISE LIKE SIR 10 OF THE TARDIS CHILL OUT PLS?).

They all tie in together, and unfortunately, that means that all the batshit ways of 8th dr adventures are canon to our televised dr. (even ripping straight from time's champion plotline with 13 from 8/human nature with 10 from 7/time vortex absorption to become a god with rose from 8/forced separation by being sent to a future or past incarnation of the dr to gabby in the comics (10 to 12) from charley in the audios (8 to 6) etc.). And if those audios are canonical - so is everything else since other incarnations references said events of tv/book/comic/audios within their own lil adventures as well. That being said:

10too however is very much not that. He has the same mind up to christmas invasion AND THEN NONE OF THE CHARACTER GROWTH WHATSOEVER FROM TEN. HE NEVER EXPERIENCED LOSING ROSE IN DOOMSDAY AND SKIPPED MARTHA ENTIRELY AND SKIPPED WILF AND MISS MINOGUE AND ALL OF DONNA UP TIL the end of turn left and then stolen earth/journey’s end because as 10too himself states that he could see in donna’s mind WAY BEFORE DAVROS SHOCKS HER - thereby cementing that he’s not the actual dr. he’s just essentially jackson lake but reverse. 

The difference between 10too and 3rd dr - regeneration-order-wise - is that the 3rd dr’s metacrisis event is what essentially a doctor who-version of what happened with cyberlisa and the pizza delivery girl in torchwood’s cyberwoman ep. albeit that this was between two humans in the worse case scenario versus what happens when one attempts to do this to a time lord and a human. in 3′s case, its either all in one fell scoop of physical brain transference or what exactly happens with the human. Either way, its really bad for the humans involved. again audios are wild. a good near reference of this is idris. but tardises do not equal time lords/gallifreyans/the dr’s true species. 3 didnt lose a limb and grew another him via the human dna nor have his entire conscious in another body. audios and tecteun love brushing over the very-in-your-face-body-horror.

even in flight into hull and other jackie and 10too- jackie and himself complain about his lack of self. (this is a running theme with 10too licensed content - him losing his time lord knowledge day by day and is struggling in building the very thing that came SO EASILY, EFFORTLESSLY for him to build prev. that the end result when dealing with threats is just blowing them up and calling it day - very much harking back to pm harriet jones or martha and the ostenhagen key or jack and sarah jane with the warp star - that it takes JACKIE to remind himself about actually REASONING WITH THE THREAT. TO SLOW DOWN. TO NOT FORGET HE IS NOT A HAND THAT CAN JUST DROP FROM A GREAT HEIGHT AND LIVE? that being said, his mind in a way does not burn. however it seems VERY HEAVILY IMPLIED IN OTHER MEDIA AND AUDIOS that he is getting alzheimer’s due to being a previously limb that was strictly as a bridge to enter the minds of humans. that empire of the wolf comic MADE THIS IN A NEAR POSSIBLE OUTCOME FOR HIM WHY DID THEY DRAW IT LIKE THAT? THAT IS A WELL KNOWN TV AND FILM TROPE I DO NOT LIKE WHAT IT IS IMPLYING FOR 10TOO

if you stopped at flight into hull for 10too content - STAY. DONT BE LIKE ME. DONT. ITS SAD AF IN THESE STREETS. only one is gonna live and what it seems like in donna’s case? sorry 10too and his deteriorating mind. u were a real g in the streets and the sheets.

[amberleighbailey25]

George Raymond.

Its been a while since I have felt the weight of missing you. Its there everday but its usually pretty manageable. I just felt myself slowly sliding into a dark hole and I was questioning if I was gonna get out of it. I have had some real fears come flooding my brain, memories coming all at once and it was consuming me. I let it consume me but I had to control it so I could be a mom, be present for Zack and be present at my job. This week is much better. I have little moments but it's not so heavy.

I think you knew I was having a heavy week last week.

I had a hummingbird come up to me every day last week and it would just fly right in front of me ( I could touch it if it would have let me) for a few seconds and fly off.

After the first couple times I finally realized that maybe it was you telling me that I would be okay! That you were here. If it was you, thank you!! 💙

One fear that I have had that is very much weighing on me is what if something ever happened to me!?! Because now, I am very very aware that life can end in a second..any day... any time... My kiddos would have no parents. No daddy, no mommy... That is gut wrenching. It's scary and so fucking unfair that this thought has to be in the back of my head. Do I have a plan in action if something did happen to me? Yes I do. But it still doesn't make the thought any easier. Do Regg and Nash have people that would love them and raise them. Absolutely. They have a villiage and although that's a little reassuring.... it's still a very big fear of mine. It's the most sickening feeling ever and its exhausting to think about. But here I am... it's my reality. It's our reality!!

Then we have the memories. I have memories pop on my phone everyday. I love it and I know I've said it many many times but I am very thankful for my persistent picture and video taking!!! Some of these videos I can almost go back to that exact moment and feel those exact feelings, and I can almost feel like I am living in that moment again. It brings me so much peace and happiness and at times sadness.

I was telling my momma the other day that I miss the most silly things. I miss when I would make the bed and every time George would come in, he would tell me he would assist me only for him to come up behind and (I'm sorry but if any of you know the bailey's they liked to get their hips a going...George actually had a nick name rabbit hips 🤣😑) get his rabbit hips a going and then it always ended in me very annoyed with him because he wouldn't let me finish making the bed. Filling or emptying the dishwasher...same scenario. 🙄😑🤣 I mean there were times i would get down right angry because he didnt comprehend no...😏

I miss "some" of our adult arguments... I know he would agree....I would talk to him till I was blue in the face about taking more time for himself and his family. It was a very hard thing for him to do. He would do it off and on but the guy couldnt just relax. 🤷‍♀️ It's really a Bailey thing. 💙

I miss our pizza hut and wal mart trips. Every time we went to wal mart we always had to stop by the magazine section so he could get his Ford magazine. He always told me he would just subscribe... he never did.

Those are just to name a few. 💙 Sometimes it's the tiniest things that mean SO MUCH!!

I remind myself daily that I am living and loving for you. I am living and loving for our babies. I am doing my best to live my life to the fullest and take nothing for granted for you!!

We miss ya a whole bunch and we love you lots George!! 💙❤️

[mjalti]

ive been following u forever and i remember u once wrote about how u had a contract w a publishing company or something but it didnt happen in the end and u were actually ok about it or something?? and lmao the same thing happened to me but like, im not grateful ive been miserable since then and its been years. it all fell through and i failed so badly lmao. i havent even read any books or written anything since then. a bitch just cant get over it. any advice for this bitch.

Hey! I'm sorry about your book! This exact scenario happened to me, devastation included, but then I reread my work and I was like. You know what? I can do better. So I ended up really grateful that that DIDN'T happen although I could've made some money on it. I think I was too close to see that at the time.

For you it might be different. I think this might also be an ego thing, because having published work is so intimate and validating. All I can say is....it literally took Harry Potter like 10 publishing houses to reject it before someone took a risk on it. If one rejection can have this destructive a reaction in you, then I'm going to say...I don't really think you believe in your work. I'm not saying a rejection is a blessing bc even mine sucked lol, but I WILL say that even though the world may be against your work, YOU need to believe in your work and keep trying to get it published. If YOU don't believe in the quality of your work and YOURSELF as an author, then it's going to keep eliciting this type of reaction when you inevitably face the natural course of life which is defaulted to rejection, criticism, and growth.

[honestlyandrogynousnightmare]

magic reveal

So ive been thinking about the magic reveal we did get and also the different magic reveals we COULD have gotten so i thought id project all my thoughts into another massive tumblr rant:

personally, i dont think the magic reveal was bad at all. yes, i wouldve done it slightly differently, i think it was done way too late in the show and left little time to explore how that reveal affected merlin and arthurs relationship, and obviously we never actually ended up seeing if magic was legalised and all. but i dont hate the magic reveal we got. the key part i really love is that it was done on Merlins own terms, he could have just lied, but instead he finally told Arthur the truth and i think that there were many reasons for that decision being made. 

firstly, Merlin definitely felt guilty and blamed himself for Arthur being stabbed, he must have at least partly blamed himself because everything he did directly led to Mordred turning into a little shit. Part of him might have just felt as if he owes Arthur that explanation yknow. secondly, i feel like by that point he was tired of lying in general, he needed to get that secret off his chest. those two things combined with the fact that Arthur was dying may have pushed him to telling the truth,  because deep down he did know that it was probably the last chance to tell Arthur the truth. 

i liked how they presented Arthurs reaction too, the clear message there was that Athur was angry at the lying, thats the part he saw as betrayal, not the magic itself. he didnt want to believe that Merlin was a liar, when he always saw him as the one person that was entirely honest with him. hell, he still trusted him enough to send him back to Camelot and Gwen so he knew Merlin wasnt evil. If the writers actually did a good job at developing Arthurs character, i feel like itd be more obvious that Arthurs stance on magic was different from his fathers, but yknow bbc and their shoddy writing. I love that moment of acceptance as well, when he tells Merlin that he doesnt want him to change. He doesnt even now about all the things Merlin sacrificed and lost in order to protect Arthur and Camelot but he still accepts him. I think that when he first fund out it was all like “holy crap i dont even know him” but after spending a few hours with Merlin he realises that its still the exact same person he knew the week before. 

anddddd as much as i like the way they did that magic reveal, the ending of the show left me with no closure and a lot of tears. my ideal magic reveal wouldve happened earlier, either at the start of season 5 or near the end of season 4. It would give us a chance to see them talk it out, and god we know that there would be arguing, and if arthur wasnt dying he would probbaly be shouting but the key part here is that arthur wouldnt hurt merlin. i think he culd consider sending him away if his father was still king just to protect him but we all know merlin would reply with “no <3″. but since i cant see the reveal happening when uther is king, i will be ignoring that scenario. and again, theres many ways this could play out.

the one way that ive always found interesting was arthur figuring it out on his own, because he may be an idiot, but hes not stupid. *if you like this sort of thing read “so close and im halfway to it  on ao3, its a merthur fic and the magic reveal in that one makes me cry so much and the fic is so well written* I feel like at one point, he would just put the pieces together, and it would all make so much sense to him? Merlins random disappearances and scars would make sense, the luck he had when it came to fights, Merlins weird reactions when someone mentioned magic, how on earth merlin of all people managed to survive every battle and fight arthur was in when some of his best knights didnt. 

then theres the very cliche “merlin using magic mid battle to save everyone” reveal. because its mid battle, i really cant picture them talking it out there lol,  i picture a lot of ignoring but also if other people saw him using magic, we all know the first thing arthur would do is give the knights a good old “if you kill him i will kill you and then myself”, it wouldnt be until later that they would actually talk. 

and then like the canon magic reveal, theres Merlin doing it on his own terms. i personally really like thhis one because it gives him so much more control over the situation and over his words. *another fic rec here if you like this sorta thing, its called “to the world that let you by” and its really beautiful and made me cry at 1am so there you go, and as you guessed it, its another merthur*. i love this reveal because it gives merlin a chance to explain, and arthur a chance to listen and try to understand. 

now there are loads of different sub categories that could go into those, like Arthur finding merlin creating butterflies out of thin air lol, but i wont go into those. whatever reveal would happen, i feel like “the talk” after would usually end up in a similar way. Arthurs reaction would be similar to what we got in the canon reveal, because the actual magic isnt what would hurt most.  it would be the lies. Arthur has been lied to and betrayed by so many people you cant really expect him not to react badly to being lied to. the magic sure would confuse him and put him in a difficult position, because you have to keep in mind that his entire life he has been told that magic is pure evil, and to him, merlin is the polar opposite of that. i think it would just make him question everything, like does he even know this man? has he won any of his battles or has it always been merlin? why is he in camelot? why would a sorcerer be serving him? but he wouldnt hurt him. he wouldnt even consider that imo, sure, he will demand an explanation, but he wouldnt actually thin about hurting him. 

and merlin would understand why hes angry about the lying, that much is obvious. and he would be reluctant to tell arthur about the things that were happening behind his back all those years, but he would be honest. and go that conversation would be hard for both of them, i cant really imagine them having it without a lot of crying, shouting and even more wine tbh. arthur isnt good at listening which is why this would be so hard for him too, but merlin has to be honest, completely honest with arthur for the first time in his life and thatd be difficult. 

and i think merlin would handle arthurs reactions well, even if arthur decided to lose his temper lol. but i can still imagine him being a bit bitter if arthur judged his choices and stuff when it came to poisoning morgana and freeing the dragon, asking what on earth HE would do in that situation. where the only choices he sees are bad ones, and he has to pick the one thats least evil. 

arthur would probably be most pissed off at the thing about his mother tbh, because merlin outright lied there, usually its just deflecting but he made that deliberate choice to lie. but i really do think he would understand all of this, while not every choice merlin did was good, he did it with good intention. 

and then arthur would remove the ban on magic and they would kiss and get married amd live happily ever aft-

thanks bbc.

anyway if you want any more magic reveal fics (or links to the ones i mentioned, ao3 can be bloody annoying sometimes) feel free to comment or message me or anything, i have a couple more in my bookmarks. 

thanks for reading this rant, scuse the bad grammar, id love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this and magic reveals in general so feel free to comment! have a great day<3

[sweetvictorie]

well now I'm super curious about the MML thing, please elaborate for the public!

OKAY ill preface this by saying that 1. this is gonna be pretty stream of consciousness and 2. i didnt follow the show too closely as it was being released so i dont know the exact timeline or when any decisions were made. that being said

first of all doofenshmirtz just randomly being stuck in the murphy house meant the attention was on him instead of other characters and so they suffered from little screentime/development. the focus on him and perrys relationship was especially detrimental to what was happening to cavendish and dakota. doof and perry had a much more touching conclusion to their "breakup," while the conflict with cav and dakota was not solved in any satisfying way (cav just saying im sorry really shouldnt have covered it all LOL). also doof being there breaks up the A plot/B plot format that both shows relied on and it gets a little chaotic.

secondly i really just feel like he doesnt fit in with the rules of the mml universe - even though it is the same as the pnf universe technically, the Rules are a bit different due to the structure of season 1 and murphys law. i ranted about this topic to my dearest bestie TJ @dykedarkwing who made an EXCELLENT point about this: pnf is a very formulaic show of course, and due to its format, its ok if doofs building gets destroyed at the end of an episode bc itll be okay by the next one. thats how the rules work. but mml was attempting to be more serial with the season 1 overarching plot, and so when his building was destroyed it was gone "for good" and he had to move in with the murphys. but DESPITE THIS, the show still mostly operates on pnf humor and logic. for example murphys law is that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but the way it affects milo doesnt like cause them all to get murdered or anything- it always wraps around conveniently, just like the scenarios in pnf that perfectly hid phineas and ferbs inventions. doofenshmirtz still operates by the same rules that he did before, so trying to combine that with the murphys law logic just like... gets really muddy and confusing, and makes milo's "power" feel way less significant.

it really just feels to me that they added doof as a way to cash in on pnf's popularity on the internet/memes/tiktok, when they shouldve just let mml be its own show. i have nothing against the crossover special, i thought that was a pretty cool thing to do, but to permanently intertwine them and turn mml into a kind of "pnf 2" was just not the move, cuz it made their own characters feel way less important. :( i will admit that mml's characters kinda lacked the charm and chemistry that pnf characters had, especially doof and perry, so i can understand they thought adding them back in would help fix the problem, but i feel like it just did the opposite

and i know a lot of these decisions were probably made because of disney and its lack of advertising for the show or even the disney+ pnf movie but im not gonna get into that rn since i dont have the research looool

[weirwoodking]

how likely do you think it is that Euron Greyjoy will blow a magic horn on top of an enchanted tower to summon a kraken god and/or make the wall go boom? like i always kind of assumed he was just stoned and didnt really know what he's talking about with any of that, but i know there are also a lot of takes about him actually being a real sorcerer-king that can threaten the world. where do you stand on him, i was wondering?

I mean that’s... that’s a very specific scenario you got there. I don’t have an exact sequence of events predicted for this, but I do believe that Euron will be the one to blow the Horn of Winter and bring down the Wall. It will be a human’s actions that let the monsters in. I don’t think Euron himself is this great magical being, just that he believes he is. Especially because what makes Euron terrifying is not the Eldritch pirate aesthetic he’s got going on, what makes Euron terrifying is the iron hinge.

Even a priest may doubt. Even a prophet may know terror. Aeron Damphair reached within himself for his god and discovered only silence. As a thousand voices shouted out his brother's name, all he could hear was the scream of a rusted iron hinge. (The Drowned Man, AFFC)

Euron is horrifying because of his human actions.

Now, it does make perfect sense that the Horn of Winter will be what brings down the Wall, and I do think that it will happen at the end of TWOW. Because 1) damn what a cliffhanger, 2) the Horn of Winter has been built up since book 2 and it’s pretty obvious that it’s the horn that Jon and Ghost found, 3) the horn is with Sam in the city that Euron is planning to attack, 4) Euron wants to become the god of the “new world”, 5) the Horn of Winter is on the cover of TWOW, and 6) the “winds” that the horn will blow will bring about winter (by bringing down the Wall). I’m not predicting that the horn will summon anything to bring down the Wall, but that the Horn itself being blown is what brings it down, just like in the legends. It does have to be fixed first (or how to use it has to be discovered still) though, as right now it makes no sound.

So, while I believe that Euron will be the one to cause the apocalypse, I do not believe that he is the apocalypse. I don’t think he knows what he’s talking about either. I even made this meme while ago about that. Think of how sorcery and the danger of using the Horn of Winter are discussed in this scene:

Jon faced him. "If you've had the Horn of Joramun all along, why haven't you used it? Why bother building turtles and sending Thenns to kill us in our beds? If this horn is all the songs say, why not just sound it and be done?"

It was Dalla who answered him, Dalla great with child, lying on her pile of furs beside the brazier. "We free folk know things you kneelers have forgotten. Sometimes the short road is not the safest, Jon Snow. The Horned Lord once said that sorcery is a sword without a hilt. There is no safe way to grasp it."

[...]

He touched the horn again. "If I sound the Horn of Winter, the Wall will fall. Or so the songs would have me believe. There are those among my people who want nothing more..."

"But once the Wall is fallen," Dalla said, "what will stop the Others?" (Jon X, ASOS)

Euron is not the god he sees himself as, he is trying to grasp a sword without a hilt, which will end cutting him and the whole realm. He is the human who will let in the otherworldly horror.

[bangtanstrawberrycheesecake]

You accidentally moan another member’s name

➾ pairing: min yoongi x  reader

➾ genre: smut, angst, slice of life, realistic reaction

➾ summary: you accidentally moan another member’s name during your orgasm

Your legs was hooked on Yoongi’s shoulder as he thrust in and out of you. “F-fuck...” His face contorted in pleasure when he felt his orgasm approaching, a soft groan leaving his lips.

You whimper underneath him, you’ve came twice from Yoongi eating you out beforehand so your pussy felt extra sensitive. “Y-yoongi i’m close...” you cried, your fingers were clasping on the sheets like your life depended on it. Yoongi answered you by going harder making skin slapping noise resonate around the room when his hips bump against your thigh. “A-ah,” you wince in both pain and pleasure when you felt the tip of his dick tap repeatedly against your cervix.

“You okay?” Yoongi manage to breathe out as he slow down his thrust, head looking down to check on you. “The-“ you wanted to say “there” when his dick brushes on that one spot in your walls that make your head spin but a moan came out of your lips instead.

Yoongi seems to catch on and kept thrusting, making sure to hit that same exact spot that make you clench extra hard on him. “Shit you’re gripping me baby” Yoongi huff out, sweat dripping off his forehead.

“I’m cumming-“ you cried out and arch your back, pussy clamping down on his cock as you feel the familiar whirlpool in your belly indicating your orgasm. That was all it took for Yoongi to catch his high too, he let out a few curses as he came inside you, painting your walls with his warm load.

Meanwhile You were on the brink of your orgasm when your head is screaming at you to tell Yoongi to keep hitting that one spot, it felts so good you couldnt seem to form any incoherent sentence. “The-nggh.. the-...” you were so fucked out you couldnt even manage to say a simple “there”.

You suck a few breath of oxygen in hope to speak out your thoughts, but Yoongi was still thrusting and groaning in pleasure on top of you and it felt so good and you dont even know what you’re saying and you end up letting out a pretty loud “the-ngggg...taehyunngg-” the same time your orgasm hit you.

When you came down from your high and open your eyes you felt Yoongi pull out of you roughly, “What the fuck was that?”

You swore you’ve never heard Yoongi talk to you with a tone that harsh during your relationship with him. You just lay there on the bed like a dumbass in your post orgasmic haze as his cum dribble out of you, barely registering what’s going on and when you didn’t answer him Yoongi stood out of the bed. Something he never do because he always spend time with you on the bed after you guys have sex.

You didnt even register you had said Taehyung’s name and just lay on the bed in confusion while looking at Yoongi who were putting on his underwear and pants harshly. You’ve never seen him look more pissed off than he is right now and you didn’t even know what you had done wrong.

“Yoongi what is up with you?” You ask in confusion while pulling the blanket up to cover your naked body. Yoongi stop whatever he was doing and look at you bewildered, “You’re seriously asking me that after you moan out Taehyung’s name right infront of my face?”

You look at him confused and Yoongi shook his head in dissapointment before continuing to put his tshirt on. It took you a few seconds to replay the scenes in your head and your eyes widen when you realized you must have made a mistake and said Taehyung’s name in the middle of your orgasm.

You immediately rose up the bed, your left hand clatching on the bed sheets to cover your body while your right hand try to grab Yoongi’s arm in attempt to pull Yoongi to the bed so you both could talk it out. But the minute your hand touches his, Yoongi immediately pull his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.” Yoongi spoke in a cold voice. He looks at you like you were a stranger to him and you’ve never felt so small infront of him before. Your lips tremble as you whimper out softly, “That was a mistake Yoongi I swear I dont even know what I was saying.”

“Bullshit.” Yoongi looks at you dead in the eyes and you could see dissapointment clouding his gaze. “You’re fucking Taehyung behind my back aren’t you?” His accusing words pierce through your heart and you could feel how much the question that left his lips had hurted him too.

You immediately shake your head, tears starts clouding your eyes and you mentally scold yourself for being dumb enough to said another man’s name during something so important. “I swear I was in the middle of saying “there” but i moaned “ngg” after “the” and i must’ve said taehyung’s name afterwards because it sound similar.” You try your best to defend yourself, hoping Yoongi could believe you but it doesn’t seem like it was working.

Yoongi shook his head, chuckling in dissapointment at what he thought was your bizarre reasoning. He felt extremely betrayed by you, and in his mind all he could think of was you having an affair with his own bandmate.

Yoongi knew you and Taehyung was bestfriends and all sorts of scenarios of you and Taehyung catching feelings and having an affair behind his back was clouding Yoongi’s brain. He’ve heard of these kind of affairs happening to other people’s relationship, he was in shocked that this was happening to him too. The two people he cared in his life has broke his trust.

“Yoongi you have to believe me.” A tear has slid down your cheeks by now and you hated the way Yoongi stared at you like he didn’t know you. You wanted your loving boyfriend back. This wasn’t how you thought your Saturday with him was going to end up.

You try to reach out to him again and hold his arms but Yoongi flinch and avoided your grasp, eyes refusing to meet your gaze. You didn’t give up though and let go of the bed sheets you were clasping on your left hand and reach out to circle your arms around Yoongi’s back in order to stop him from leaving the room.

You don’t even care if you’re butt naked. You didn’t want Yoongi to leave the apartment when you’ve both haven’t settle this problem. You were scared this incident was going to end your relationship with him. Yoongi tried to let go of you but you hold onto him as hard as you can.

“Yoongi please... I swear on my life that was a mistake I would never cheat on you and ruin us like that.” You cry out, burying your face on Yoongi’s back and you felt him stiffen up. He finally stop trying to let you go and is listening to you. “Please believe me i’m so sorry.” You couldn’t stop crying, your fingers were holding on his tshirt till your fingers turn white. You were so scared that if you let go he will leave you and never came back.

The room was silent with only your soft cries echoing around the room. You take a deep breath while sniffling, trying your best to choke out your next sentence. “I understand why you’re mad.” You whimper, “I would have done the same in your situation but please believe me that i’m not cheating on you.”

It felt like forever before Yoongi finally turn around to face you. He didn’t said anything, he just stood there infront of you to stare in your eyes as if to see whether you were telling the truth or not. You look up at him, eyes glassy with tears and you knew you probably look really pathetic right now.

Yoongi’s mind was having an inner battle on his own. Was your reasoning the truth? Did you really wanted to say there and accidentally said taehyung? He had all sorts of question clouding his mind but he couldn’t see you standing infront of him sobbing undressed in the cold room looking so pitiful so he follow his heart and grab your arms to pull you towards the closet.

“Put on your clothes.” Yoongi said as he brought you infront of your side of the closet. You shook your head, still crying. Your fingers clutching onto Yoongi’s hand refusing to let him go and Yoongi could only sigh. He hate the fact that his heart still softens for you in this situation. He pull a random oversized tshirt from your closet and put it on you silently. You comply and let him dress you, you were still sniffling softly since you just cried.

After that you and Yoongi both had a long discussion about this whole incident and he told you how it made him felt. Yoongi did end up believing you that you aren’t having an affair behind his back. You promised him it wouldn’t happen again and you made sure his feelings are validated. The next time you told him you were hanging out with Taehyung though, you noticed Yoongi stiffen up slightly but he never try to stop your friendship with Taehyung because Yoongi trusted you.

Author’s note: Did you like the realistic reaction? Y/n is crazy for moaning out another member’s name in the middle of the deeds smh

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 43

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: wow, it took a while didnt it? i have a hard time writing this story for a few specific reasons and thats why it takes me longer. i also need to plan the ending of this and its not easy because im scared to forget something. but i hope you enjoy this chapter! thanks so much for still reading this story!!!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : its late and i hope i dont forget any! i didnt add everything from the 2nd request in my chapter tho. i also promise more requests in the next chapter! its all planned so thank you!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 43 : His chapter

NIALL

June 25th, 2018

"Okay, move slightly on the right." I heard her, doing what she told me cautiously. "Now watch out, there's a step."

"Big or small?"

"Uhm, medium" she replied after thinking about it.

"Gee Liv, thanks!" I replied sarcastically before I carefully tried to put my foot on the step.

She guided me with difficulty until the car and I packed her last few boxes in the trunk. We sat in the car and I started it, feeling her gaze on me but I tried to ignore it until I felt her hand on my thigh. I suddenly relaxed and my eyes met hers for half a second before going back on the road.

"You should have let me help you." she pointed out with a soft voice. "I can carry more than one box, you know."

The left corner of my lips raised gently and I glanced at her again before stopping at a red light and turning my head completely her way. Her eyebrows raised and I sent her a small smile, shaking my head.

"I want you to let me take care of you." I admitted, bending closer to press my lips gently against hers in a quick kiss. "Besides, an old lady like you shouldn't carry heavy things."

With a chuckle, she slapped my arm gently as I started laughing and started driving again. It was already mid june and we had been working on her moving in with me for about a week. Most things were actually bought by Louis so all the furniture stayed there but it took us a while to pack all her stuff and bring the boxes to my house. I mean, our house.

"I'm only two years older than you!" she argued, making me laugh even more. "Do I have to call you 'kiddo'?"

"Please, I'm a man." I let out with a frown, half-joking. "You know it, you've seen me naked."

"Oh how my life has changed since then." she replied wih a chuckle, making me smile too.

We brought her stuff to our room and started unpacking together after I put music on. It invaded the house so loudly that the neighbours probably heard since we had opened the windows. It was a warm saturday afternoon and I still had a little bit more than a week off. I knew we were going to miss each other since I was about to leave for three months (even if i was going to be back here at some point in august for a few concerts) but we didn't talk about it much, as if it would make things worst.

I kept glancing at her from time to time as I was putting her stuff in my closet and my lips curled when I noticed she was dancing while putting her clothes in her dresser. It was nothing new. She had always been like that but somehow, at this exact moment, it made me realize how perfect this moment was. Loud music, finally sharing a house with the woman I loved, watching my girlfriend dance and sing happily close to me with a promise ring hidden in my underwear drawer. That whole scenario happening right in front of me felt like the accomplishment of something very very important and even if I couldn't define exactly what, I tried to remember this in my brain like the movie of a memory I wanted to watch over and over again until i'd be on my death bed. The smallest details seemed important and when she moved a lock of hair that had stuck on her lips behind her ear, I held my breath. Could I write a song about this?

She turned around and our eyes met and suddenly, her lips curled into a fond smile. I loved when she looked at me like that. I was used to it, because she's looked at me like that for as long as I could remember, but it's only now, the second time we're dating, that I realized what it meant and how important it was.

"Are you gonna help me or are you just going to stare at me while I do all the work?"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes before shaking my head and grabbing an other box. It was heavy and when I opened it, I saw a bunch of books, the first one on the top being the one she was reading at the moment. I knew because sometimes we'd just sit together in the living room in silence. She'd read and sometimes i would too, or id end up writing, or playing guitar. Just being in the same room was enough sometimes and I liked it. I grabbed the book and turned it around to read the summary but something else caught my attention and I frowned. Something was sticking out of the book and I pulled on it slightly only to see my face and hers on a few pictures. It came from the photobooth and if my memory served me right, it was from the first time we dated. I pulled on it more to see all the pictures and finally just opened the book so she wouldn't lose her page and let my eyes roam on the older pictures of us. I remembered how I felt, but I was well aware it was not comparable to the feelings I had now.

"Can't believe you kept this."

My eyes didn't move from the pictures but I felt her stop moving and finally get closer to me. I sat on my bed and I felt her sit next to me in silence until I finally looked up in her eyes.

"You have no idea of all the things I kept." she admitted and I could swear her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. "I kept a lot of souvenirs of you, Niall."

My smile curled a bit and she chuckled. "Really?"

"Oh don't look at me like that, it's not like I built a shrine for you or anything." she just rolled her eyes. "But your friendship and your love... yea, it's important for me."

I ran my thumb gently on the pictures for a few more minutes and finally put them back in the book before closing it. I stared at it until Liv grabbed my hand and I squeezed her fingers, looking up at her and sending her a smile.

"You know we need to christen the rooms." This time, she let out a loud laughter and it made my lips curl. "It's true!"

"It only applies to new places, Niall!" she laughed more. "We've already had sex pretty much in all the rooms of this house, and that says a lot!"

"Are you sure?" I asked, raising my eyebrows before she nodded. "All the bathrooms? Bedrooms?" She nodded again and I raised my nose up with a low groan, making her laugh again. "There must be somewhere we didn't fuck!"

"On the dryer."

"What?" I frowned.

"We never fucked on your dryer." she repeated with an amused smile, her head tilted. "We fucked in the showers, kitchen's table, kitchen's counter, on the couch, on the floor of the living room, in all the beds, on all the bedroom floors, in the music room and against that piano.. One time you even grabbed me when I got out of the shower to fuck me against the wall in the hall."

The left corner of my lips curled as the memory came back to my head and I raised my eyebrows. "Oh yea, I remember."

"But I don't remember fucking on the dryer."

My eyes roamed on her and I licked my lips. "We can do that now."

"Join me in 5 minutes?"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise when she suddenly got up and left. My fingers gripped the book in my hands tighter and I finally put it on the bed before turning my eyes to the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life and if I wanted to be honest, I only waited 3 and a half anyway.

I heard the dryer's noise and frowned a bit when I realized she had started it and when I got there, she was sitting on it and I noticed the matching black and silk panties and bra she was wearing. Her legs were hanging down the dryer and she was holding herself with her hands slightly behind her body, her dark hair falling near her back, and I stopped as soon as our eyes met.

"When did you put this on?"

"I wore them all day." she admitted with a smirk before chuckling when my face changed. "I mean, I wanted to show you but we were sort of busy."

I took a few steps closer slowly and put my palms on her thighs, sliding my hands up very slowly on her soft skin.

"Spread your legs, petal." I whispered as she bit her bottom lip but did as I asked.

"I wasn't sure if it actually looked good on me." she admitted low and I shook my head quickly.

"Oh shut up, darling, this makes me so fucking hard." To prove my point, I turned my hips a bit and pressed my hard cock through my pants against her naked thigh. "See?"

I ran my hands up to her breasts, touching them before slipping one of my hands under it to run the tip of two of my fingers on her nipple. "I'm so torn right now. I want to rip it off of you, but watching them on you is so fucking hot."

"Just move my panties aside and fuck me."

Her eyes seemed to sparkle but her expression was needy and I just licked my lips, bringing my hands down to my jeans and unzipping them as I kept staring at her.

"Such a needy little slut." I let out in a low tone. "Tell me how bad you want my cock. Beg me."

Her eyes never leaving mine, she brought her feet on the dryer, exposing her panties even more to me and slowly, I took my cock out and started stroking it. I could feel the dryer getting warmer and the way she seemed to shake over it made me want her even more.

"Fuck, Niall, I want you so bad. I need you deep inside me." she whimpered and licked her lips. "Please, Niall, I need your cock, please i'm begging you, fuck me."

I jerked off harder, making sure the tip of my dick rubbed against her pussy over her panties, and she whimpered and bit her bottom lip harder.

"Move your panties, pet. Show me your pretty little cunt."

She did as I asked and my eyes dropped between her legs as I moved even closer, close enough for the tip of my cock to push inside her. I groaned low and she let out a short whimper as I felt her throb around me.

"Deeper." she breathed out. "Fill me."

Quickly, I pushed myself inside her until I was balls deep and she let out a moan, her head falling back slightly and her eyes fluttering.

"Like this petal? How does my cock feel?"

She squirmed slightly and with difficulty but I watched her shake glancing a few times down to watch her grind despite herself on my dick. The feeling was amazing and I groaned louder when I felt her clench around me.

"So good, so fucking good." she whimpered again.

"You're so fucking wet and horny I just want to watch you fuck yourself on my cock until you cum all over it, baby girl." I let out without thinking. "How about you do that?"

I moved as close as I could and she ground on me for a few minutes. I loved the way she moved, all her facial expressions and the way her moans sounded but after a while, I couldn't take it anymore and grabbed her waist, my fingers sinking in her skin as I pulled her against me in motion with my thrusts.

"Fuck, i'm gonna cum." I just said still going hard.

I didn't know if it was because of my words or if she had been holding it for a while but she started shaking even harder against me as she came, my name escaping her lips in incredible moans and bringing me to my own orgasm. I shut my eyes tight, pushing myself so hard against her to make sure I went as deep as I could, and when I got down from my high, I leaned my forehead against hers, eyes still closed, as we both panted with parted lips.

"This is so much better." I whispered, moving a bit to reach her lips with mine.

"Better than what?" she asked in a breath as I kissed her gently again.

"Better than anything. Better than anyone." I confessed. "Better than sex without feelings."

It took her about a minute to talk but her words made me open my eyes suddenly.

"Are you in love with me, Niall?"

I pulled away to look in her eyes and frowned for a few seconds before shaking my head. I knew she was probably asking me simply because she wanted to hear it but I couldn't help but fear that she doubted it.

"Yes. I am in love with you, Olivia." I affirmed. "It will never change. I'll always be in love with you, for as long as I live, and maybe even after."

                                                        ---

June 29th, 2018

I was a bit sad she had insisted on inviting Louis and Eleanor on her birthday but I went along with it because it was her day and I loved her. She also had asked for nothing big, just a movie and games night with our friends, and somehow, I was down with that. Normally, I'd want to celebrate in a bar with many more friends but we were about to be separated for a while and I was not in the mood to celebrate that. I was just grateful I could spend her birth day with her.

"Okay, Liv, you sit next to me. Your boyfriend can sit next to El." I heard Louis say as I walked back in the living room with two bowls of popcorn.

"Excuse me? I pretty much intend on watching this movie cuddling my girlfriend, thank you very much!" I argued with a frown as I stood in the middle of the living room.

"If we do that we'll just spend an hour and a half making out!" Louis explained with round eyes. "At least you two will! You're both horny animals!"

"It's not like we were gonna fuck in front of you." I pointed out, rolling my eyes before sitting next to Eleanor who just laughed.

"Don't be a jealous boyfriend, Niall. Liv was my roommate before being your girlfriend again and I'm very sad that I can't wake her up by literally jumping in her bed at 6 in the morning anymore!" he joked with a chuckle before turning to my girlfriend. "Bet you miss it too!"

"6 in the morning?" I repeated with a frown again. "You never wake up so early."

"He did when he had meetings for his album." Olivia pointed out. "As you already know, 'pain in the ass' is in his DNA."

I laughed and she did too but the way she looked at me made me smile. Louis placed his arm on the back of the couch, near her shoulders, and I groaned low at sight. It's not that I wanted to read too much into this, but it was bothering me a lot and it was tough to hide. I was not the type to be jealous and I knew Olivia loved me, but every time I saw them near each other, I couldn't help but remember that they fucked multiple times and that nothing could ever erase that.

What took me out of my thoughts was something hitting my nose and the sweet laughter of my girlfriend. I shook my head slightly and sent her a smile as she sent me more popcorn and I grabbed some from my own bowl before throwing it at her, too. She laughed louder and we kept on throwing popcorn at each other until Louis groaned and stopped the movie. It was crazy how easily Louis could make himself home. He was using my remote for my tv, was sitting on my favorite spot on the couch, cuddling with my girlfriend.

"Fine! Fine I get it!" Louis gave in, raising his hand up in defeat. "You guys can't stay too far away from each other for too long. It's sad but it is what it is!"

He practically jumped off the couch and walked up to me. After a quick head movement, I sent him a smile and got up to. I let myself fall next to Liv and immediately, she cuddled my side like a magnet, making me smile more. I had no idea why I was insecure when it came to Louis, but she proved over and over again that I had no reason to be. I wrapped my arm around her to pull her closer and we finished the movie before grabbing a few beers and talking. It was almost 3 in the morning when Louis and El left and I watched as Liv got up, yawned and stretched.

"I'm so tired, let's go to bed, yea?"

"We really should clean first." I pointed out, grabbing a few bottles.

I was about to bring them to the kitchen but she stopped me with a grimace and a groan. "Niall, we need to sleep. Come onnnn, we can do that tomorrow."

I stared at her and sighed, not really sure I liked the idea but I finally nodded and followed her to the room as she held my hand and pulled me with her. We fell asleep quickly but she did before me and for some reason, I enjoyed watching her snore lightly, her lips parted, as I held her close to me. These days, we fell asleep holding each other face to face and it was very different from our usual spooning. Still, I liked it but when I woke up, she was on the other side of the bed, her legs were over mine, and I smiled at how much she had moved.

I got up, put sweatpants on and made coffee before drinking a cup as I looked at the mess in the living room and the kitchen. She joined me about half an hour later, entering the kitchen as she yawned. It made me chuckle but I liked the mess of her hair and her lazy smile. I wanted that every single morning of my life.

"Slept well?"

"Yes but not enough." she just shrugged with an other yawn.

I poured her coffee in her favorite mug and we both drank in silence, leaned against the counter. After I was done, I put my cup in the sink and without turning back to look at her, I sighed.

"We need to clean now."

"Mm, I just woke up. We can do that later in the afternoon." she just shrugged.

"Liv, we need to clean now. That's what happens when we postpone these kind of things. It'll never be fun but doing it now means we can do something else after."

She stared at me a few seconds and sighed, letting her head fall back on her shoulders. I didn't want to argue with her, and I knew how messy she was, but she also knew I was the opposite and that leaving everything as is the night before had been annoying to me.

"Well I don't want to do it now."

I didn't expect that answer and took a step back as my eyebrows raised.

"Why are you being like that?"

"Why are you being like that?" she repeated. "This can wait! I can't believe we're arguing over that!"

"Olivia, please! We left this mess last night and we need to clean!"

"You knew how i was before I started living here, it's nothing new!" she let out a bit roughly.

"And you know how I was too!" I argued before she brought her hands to her face and sighed. "You need to make efforts, okay? I am!"

My voice was a bit too loud and I knew it but I was getting pissed. I couldn't believe we were arguing over something like that. After all we had been through, I didn't want to accept that something so silly could be what would end us.

"I just... I need a shower."

I left without waiting for her answer and stayed a bit too long under the hot stream but when I got out of the bathroom with clean clothes, my lips curled at the sight. She had cleaned a good part of the living room and was now working on filling the dishwasher. I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, leaning my chin on her shoulder.

"Thank you." I whispered, leaving a few kisses on her neck and she finally turned in my arms to look in my eyes.

"I'm sorry."she sighed and licked her lips. "I'll make efforts, I promise."

We finished cleaning and ended up sitting at the table with an other cup of coffee and eggs. The problem was, I couldn't stop thinking that I was leaving in a few days and it bothered me. I wanted us to discuss it but at the same time, I was not sure she wanted to talk about it. I knew that she thought mentioning things out loud made them more real or concrete but ignoring them and pretending the problems weren't there wouldn't make them disappear.

"It's gonna be tough, you know. We'll be away from each other for quite a while."

It took her a few seconds to answer as she seemed focused on her coffee but after a while, she breathed in and sighed.

"I know it won't be easy, Niall, but I also know that it will never be as hard as it was without you for a whole year. So yea, I think we can get through this and come out stronger." she said in a calm way before looking up in my eyes. "I hate being away from you but that won't change my love for you, not even just a little."

I reached for her hand on the table and squeezed her fingers before sending her a small smile. "It won't change mine either. And you're right, that year without you was the worse I've ever been through."

"It's... different." she told cautiously, looking up at me and noticing my questioning look. "You spent that year without me because you decided it, it was your choice. You did it for a reason and you wanted to be alone to live things you clearly thought you couldn't live with me. But me... I suffered through it. You broke up with me, broke my heart... I lost my best friend and the love of my life at the same time, you know? We didn't live that year the same way."

I felt my heart thump hard in my chest and I just nodded very slightly, as we stared at each other.

"You know, Niall... you left me with nothing." she said and I could swear I heard her voice crack. "I tried to find someone else, to find what I was missing from someone else, but I never really found it because what I was missing was you." Once again, she breathed in and sighed. "I know it's not easy but maybe you should try to put yourself in my shoes and... try to understand how I feel, you know? How I felt all those months."

I remembered that she told me it was tough for her but I never really understood how hard it had been until I found out she had literally tried to kill herself. Still, I felt like I couldn't really know the feeling and never would be able to. I remained silent as her words kept running in my head and finally held my breath. I couldn't believe I was thinking about writing a song in such a deep moment but I was and I just shook my head.

"You're right, Liv." I admitted, reaching for her other hand and squeezing both of them tight. "I'll try to understand how you felt in that year we were apart, after I broke you. It's hard to imagine but, I know I've hurt you more than I ever hurt anyone else, and I'll listen to everything you have to say about it."

She sent me a fond smile and nodded. "I can't really put it in the past." she added low. "Not because I don't want to, but because I feel like it's part of our story. I thought I knew who you were, I thought you'd never leave. I mean, we've known each other for decades... I thought you would never break my heart. But it was hard to accept, you know? That I didn't know you as well as I thought I did. I felt like... you ripped my heart out. Like you stole something from me that I could never get back without really knowing what it was. And I wanted it back. The worst was.. I still wanted to be with you. If you had came back I would have said yes in a heartbeat. I was always thinking of you, no matter who I was with, and yes, it includes Louis."

I stared at her, blinking a few times but still remained silent. I didn't want to let go of her hands and I also didn't want to talk. I thought it was just time to listen.

"I just... I went in bars and clubs to change my mind, I tried to date other people, I tried to drink my pain away... I just wanted to get over you and nothing worked, because I had nothing left." She paused again and shrugged. "I learned that making you the center of my life was not a good idea but it was something I was used to, I did it since I was a kid. Now I don't want to do things for you, Niall. I want to do things for us, and I want you to do the same. It's a team work. I mean, it's us against the world, right? That's what we said?"

I sent her a bigger smile and nodded. "It is. You and me."