#but one guy who we know is openly bi and we started talking to him

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for coming out as bi to my girlfriend and voicing my concerns to her

I (18M) have been dating my girlfriend, L (20F) for three years now. our relationship has been great so far, we were attracted to each other from the start. she has always been very flirty and tbh that's how she won me over at first, because teenage hormones are gonna teenage hormones y'know, but when I got to know her better as a person I realized my feelings for her weren't just sexual - she is kind, gentle, overall really sweet. I was, and still am, attracted to her in every way. L is also openly bisexual, fully out, and idk I've always felt so safe around her because she doesn't judge others, I think she's so beautiful inside and out. she has been my first girlfriend ever so I always do my best to be supportive and make her feel loved.

a few months ago I realized I'm bi. I thought, hey, since she always speaks about her own bisexuality I think I can tell her I'm bi as well. she was, as usual, very non-judgemental but she said something that I didn't like, something like "you see how much I love and trust you? someone else would've been like OMG YOU'RE PROBABLY JUST GAY AND YOU WANT TO CHEAT ON ME WITH A GUY". I was,, confused bc 1. I think supporting your partner when they come out is the bare minimum, 2. she is bisexual herself and I don't think shes gonna cheat on me with a girl, I never acted like I was great for supporting her and 3. I know I'm not gay because L can do whatever she wants with me so I dunno what that comment was for. I've enjoyed my intimate encounters with her too much to be gay and she knows this.

I was a bit annoyed but still grateful that she was supportive. I noticed our sexual activities increased after that and a part of me wondered if she was trying to make sure I'm not gay. which made her look like a bit of a hypocrite because she never had to "prove" to me that she's not gay. not complaining tho - I just found it odd? I think it's a weird double standard, but then again I know women are always putting up with double standards so I feel like I can't tell her abt how strange her comment was. I just don't want L to think I'm not attracted to her and I started feeling like an asshole for telling her I'm bi.

but she got actually upset over something else that has nothing to do with us being bi - when we first started talking, she was dating another guy. I knew this, so I was respectful, I thought that L being flirty with me was some kind of joke until she told me she was serious and she couldn't stop thinking about me. L didn't cheat on him, she broke up with him before she started dating me, and recently I told her "hey... I won't be that guy one day, right? I trust you and I know you won't cheat on me, but I remembered how our friendship first started and if you ever stop loving me I would like to know before you feel ignored enough to start flirting with other guys". she got very visibly upset, she said I was right, said she felt cheap and like a whore and ???? NOT AT ALL WHAT I FUCKING MEANT. I was trying to tell her I want us to have communication, because I love her and I want our relationship to work out.

I feel like a shitty person and boyfriend, first for telling her I'm bi even though it wouldn't have an impact on our relationship, then for trying to voice my concerns and accidentally making her feel that way.

I've apologized a few times and we're good now but she introduced me to her best friend and,, this girl just started talking abt how she will guide me so I can properly take care of L? it made me feel really stupid. I felt like a child tbh. we are bi but not poly (I respect those who are, just giving you context) so idk why she felt she had to insert her friend into our relationship. am I really so bad that my girlfriend has to ask her friend to teach me how to be good to her? I would understand this if L had some sort of disability but her friend just talks to me about BDSM and doms/subs and like ??? I feel like L being a sub has fuck all to do with our argument, but I still feel terrible. pls help me make sense of these things. I want to know if I am the asshole.

[matan4il]

911 ep 709 first watch reactions

The way this ep starts with giving us a clear shot focused on the front, solely on Buck sitting between the man he's dating and the man he's been married to for the past six years, and only on them. XD I'm here for it.

Oh, Bobby. :( Feeling unworthy of his medal, and remembering his dad, and how everything went wrong after he got it. </3

Aaaah. Man, IDK. The openly and explicitly homophobic and racist captain cartoon just feels like an easy target now. Prejudice doesn't seem like it mostly gets expressed that way anymore, and when we only teach people to reject that kind, we not only fail to teach them to recognize subtler forms, we may be misleading them to think those more nuanced ones don't count.

Love Athena trying to "save" Bobby by contacting Amir. I'm always a sucker for a couple where they both save each other.

I enjoyed the little play with "Mother Hen," and I know it's not specifically about Buddie, but it is damn funny that when she's told she's raising more kids, they're the ones the camera focuses on. lol Raising a kid together for 6 years, still a couple of morons in desperate need of parenting from their colleagues. Even when Bobby's "wordless goodbye" moment with Buck is letting him cook for the 118, Eddie's by his side and they're doing it together. I swear, 911 said, "Take note, this is what a marriage looks like" and then just kept hammering the point for 6 seasons now.

Okay, I am pretty sure that, while Bobby's acceptance of Buck's first relationship with a guy, is really lovely, "Because we haven't had to talk about it" is not an actual good criterion for discerning whether someone is good for their partner or not. People whose spouses are abusive don't talk about it, either. :/ I am NOT saying that's Buck and Tommy, because it obviously isn't, it just feels like a line thrown in there to be cutesy, but which isn't actually helpful to people, who might take it too seriously.

I AM GONNA LOL FOREVER. So, just like Buck's bi awakening was all about Eddie, now Eddie's messed up whatever he has with Kim is gonna involve Buck, too? Gotcha. Battlefield boyfriends being off-battlefield boyfriends once more.

So... Buck was going to see Tommy, in an ep where TPTB have already paid for Lou in the role, so might as well use him as much as possible, but instead a non-emergency run in with Eddie's current whatever-Kim-is makes Buck ditch Tommy, and run straight over to Eddie's to help him? Look, I'm obviously a One True Pairing kind of shipper, so Buddie are it for me, as much as I can enjoy and see the value of Buck and Tommy as a stepping stone, and nothing will make me stop shipping Buddie (especially not after the tsunami eps), but 911 is feeding me way too well with how it frames these scenes and stories, I don't think the show's trying to get me to stop.

Man, if anyone's ever had a doubt that Eddie is the world champion at denial, this kitchen scene will def cure that.

"I'm worried about you." "Yeah, I'm worried about me, too." And then Buck, the one person who can ALWAYS penetrate through Eddie's denial wall, no matter how thick it is.

Eh, IDK how much the part where they try to re-define Shannon as the love of Eddie's life works, or how much it just serves to show he's still in denial, just a different kind than before, when Buck got through to him that he can't go on like this with Kim. For one thing, in his little retelling of their dysfunctional r/s, Eddie doesn't mention that Shannon was leaving him a second time, even before she died. Literal denial and repression.

So I'm gonna choose to believe Hen and Karen will get Mara back, because I can't deal with that particular storyline otherwise.

Kim's reaction is too deranged for me. Who does something like that, even if we assume the kindest of intentions? And then Marisol and Christopher's timing... I didn't sign on to watch a soap opera, but I guess I'm getting one free of charge?

"Now you gotta save yourself." If that ain't a painful summary of what growing up means, IDK what is. the conversation with Bobby's dad in his sleep was a good, painful scene, built right, leading to him hopefully getting his closure through saving his wife from a fire, and leaving us with just the right amount of suspension for next week and the season finale, where we'll see if he can let go of his past mistakes without a doppelganger dressing up like his dead wife...

Thank you for reading! If you’re looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

[tarucore]

DC has once again accidentally given Dick Grayson an interesting character trait by being repressed bigots and I can’t stop thinking about it

Specifically this time I’m thinking about how they keep queerbaiting Dick but it actually makes sense with his character if you think about it for two seconds

Because No, I Don’t Think That He Would be open about his sexuality with others, if he has come to terms with it at all

While I’d love to talk about the history of queerness in comics, I don’t have the energy for it right now. What I will say however is that modern day Dick Grayson is written as a very millennial character, in both fan-spaces and modern comics despite whatever age the retcons have set

I think people forget how far queer acceptance has come in recent history, twenty years ago, even ten years ago, we were not at the place we are now, it’s honestly insane how quickly things changed from 2015 to now

Like, No He Wouldn’t be ‘out and proud’ in the Gen Z sense, most older gay people that I know are private about their gender and sexuality, either because of bullying when they were younger, abuse, or the media never picturing queer people as anything other than villains or jokes

He’s had constant media pressure on him from an early age, in both aspects of his identity, his ethnicity already makes him stray from the ideal cishet WASP that a private school and Bruce’s social circles would want him to be, even as he got older his love life was in the public eye when he dated Kori as Dick Grayson

And that’s not even getting into how his relationship with his sexuality would be affected by his history of sexual abuse

Him appearing on pride covers/events or openly supporting queer people in the text is different from him turning to the audience and saying “Hey, I’m bisexual,” or “Did you know that I’ve always been demisexual and biromantic?” or even a “I like guys too,” and frankly it would be out of character for him to say so

For some people, being out to close family and friends is wildly different from ‘coming out,’ especially for a public figure like Dick Grayson or Nightwing is in his world. And I feel like that could make an interesting dynamic with a member of his family like Tim, who is out publicly as Tim Drake-Wayne. Tim who is written as a part of Gen Z in his early twenties or something rn (even though 90’s kid Tim will always have my heart)

And this is a personal anecdote but I’m thinking about how my little sister and I were standing in the checkout line one day and she starts talking about how gay an outfit that I tried on looked, and how quickly I changed the subject. She about nine years younger than me but old enough to know that we live in a conservative area. It was a bit panic inducing, and it’s so interesting to think about how even though I’m on the older side of Gen Z, I was still raised in a culture that said we don’t talk about these things especially not in public. Like I was still called a dyke in middle school but when I hit junior year all of a sudden it was trendy (if a bit fetishized) to be bi. She, thankfully, never really has to deal with that

So whenever he’s on a pride variant cover and people are complaining about a lack of formal representation, all I can do is seethe bc yes it’s completely in character for him but obviously detective comics comics isn’t doing it on purpose

[intrikatie]

Things I can't stop thinking about after Heartstopper season 2.

"I'm bi, actually." I know my bi brethren and babes can relate.

Nick realising he CAN openly be Charlie's boyfriend in their friend group. Stunning for its simplicity. Like, "hang on, they all know we're dating. Imma kiss him goodbye."

Tao opening up to Nick. At the start Tao was his usual, "it's none of your business etc." Taoness. And the moment Nick asks him about Elle in the hotel room he automatically answers "fine" but then, sits up and actually talks about how he feels and we see him relax in Nicks company. It's so precious and such a core memory moment. And Nick telling him he's a good looking guy... I mean 🤌

"They're idiots for assuming you were straight." A straight up FU to Kit's trolls. Who, FYI, are not welcome here.

Nick talking to Elle about just feeling.

Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.Tori.

Nick opening up to Tao about his worries for Charlie. And Tao taking an interest.This is such a core moment. Their combined love for Charlie means that they can only really talk to each other about him, knowing the other will understand. This was such a small scene but we learned SO much. Why Tao fears being abandoned. How scared Nick is about Charlie's mental health. And Nicks visible shock that Charlie hasn't told Tao about how bad the bullying was. These two...

Sarah my Queen! Telling Douchebag David to stop swearing and allowing Nick to swear because Nick. Had. Every. Right. Telling Stéphane that he had no right to comment on their boys as he wasn't around to parent them. Calling Charlie a good boy/sweetheart. (The scene on the eiffel tower when Charlie knows Sarah will like their selfie).

Ben's smile, remembering his first kiss with Charlie. How for him, it was a nice memory... (I have a lot to say on this... but not now.)

Isaac hearing about AroAce and getting his own Heartstopper moment. The way (THE NICEST BOY IN THE UNIVERSE) straight up told the gang to shut up speculating about his romantic life. The way he hugged that book like "this is mine bitches" and got a second Heartstopper moment.

The platonic padlock Hooray for representing platonic love!

Charlie sticking up for Nick we finally got to see his Slytherin side. Telling the Garbage King Harry to "Piss Off". Saying "No" to Harry's homo FOMO. Telling Ben that he hopes he will become a better person but he didn't want to be there to see it happen.

Tao and Elle. How adorable were ALL their scenes? Tao trying to make himself "better" for Elle, Elle being annoyed by him changing. Tao being supportive of her choice to go to Lambert. TAO'S HAIR!

Garbage King Harry speaking up for Imogen and Nick and Charlie...not brilliantly, but he spoke. If we don't see him in a skirt in Season 3 they better announce season 4 or a feature "Nick and Charlie" film.

Imogen being adorably clueless about life in general. Trying to be an ally but still making assumptions about others sexuality. Hugging Nick, because he didn't want to date her because he simply did not fancy her and not knowing how else to react. Sticking up for herself! Recognising that she deserves better! Asking the boys for a hug and telling them how lovely their friend group is and seeking them out to hang out with.

Darcy just....I mean... 🥺 I left home early too. Eventhough I had places I could go, admitting to your friends why you need a place....ouch. This hit home. The lives we project through social media, to our friends vs. the ones we live. The I love you! I LOVE YOU!

Christian, Otis and Sai, (mainly Christian). What a goofball. Loved how he said "we know you're really good mates." And Otis and Sai just closed their eyes at his stupidity. We all have that one friend who makes us cringe like that. Personally, I think he and Imogen would be super cute together. We just need Darcy to take one look at them and leave her to do the rest.

The teachers Mr Farouk's QUIET and iconic Londonisms like calling Ben "rude boy". Mr Ajayi and Coach Singh giggling like school girls. Coach Singh giving Nick some "been there done that" relationship advice. Turning her head away to stop giggling after she suggests they leave the kissing out of team practice. I love that Charlie has Ajayi and Nick has Singh. I want a Farouk fist bump.

Nick and Charlie's final bedroom scene. I will keep saying it. You cannot imagine how much this means to me. As someone who has been where Charlie has been. Nick's willingness to discuss it, to listen, with fear but without judgement. His pleading to Char to promise to tell him if he ever feels that bad again. Holy. Shit. This scene touched (and healed) something deep in my soul. The acting in this scene was just incredible. I really wish 17 yo me had heard Nick.

Nick saying "I..." then changing the sentence kind of humorous that he gets so comfortable with saying "I'm bi, actually." But can't finish the other three word sentence. "I....I really care about you." "I love your hair. I love your eyes. I love......" can't wait for Season 3 Shower Scene.

[expatesque]

Aug 2021 I broke up with my bf (he actually cheated on me and I discovered it from an IG post of his with his new gf, it was horrible), who basically love bombed me. I did block him *everywhere* and never spoke to him again, but I found myself to be incapable of trusting any men. I am not in the financial position rn to start therapy but I've been trying my best to work on this issue and one of the things I did was downloading Tinder and going on dates (I always made clear that I wasn't looking for anything serious). The thing is,bI met this guy right off the bat in Sept: he's from my hometown (in Italy) but he moved to Stockholm for work one month after our first date. At first I wasn't that interested in him but we kept on texting and seeing eachother every time we came back home for holidays and and I slowly realised I actually liked him. He visited me where I live and last Feb I even went to visit him in Stockholm. We did agree that we were fbw but rn I'm so confused about what we are, what I feel and what he feels. I plan to talk to him openly this Easter when he comes back but I'm terrified both of commitment and of being rejected. Still, I really want to talk. Any advice? Sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language.

Your English is fabulous, no need to apologize! First of all, I'm so sorry that happened to you with your ex, that's awful. It's really reasonable that that incident left you with trust issues. But I think the question really boils down to: how much power are you willing to continue to give him?

It's clear you need to clarify things with the new boy, and you know that. You deserve to be happy and get what you want, and you also know that.

By letting what happened in the past hold you back, you're continuing to give power to your shitty ex. I know there's a lot of people who would tell you to forgive and move on here, but I propose a different approach: get mad instead. He did something awful to you, that you didn't deserve. Are you going to let him ruin something else that could be special now?

Forge your own life in spite of what he did. Be so fucking happy, and let that be a 'screw you' to him. Live the full, joyous life that you deserve, and be finally, completely free of him.

[myrxellabaratheon]

(1) I’m straight, my friend knows it. During this important dinner/social event she took my chair and dragged it close to hers (our seats were already close to start with) so that we were seating with our sides touching and our legs practically intertwined. When I tried to push back, a bit to have a conversation with another person at the same table looking them in the eyes, she took my hand, moving so that we were still occupying the same space. I actually didn’t mind. (Robb as me; Theon as my friend).

(2) There’s this new co-worker who teaches PE and he’s definitely attractive (personal trainer, buff, nice face) so everyone is trying to make a move on him. I’m not super into him, he’s objectively attractive but there’s something which just doesn’t get me super hyped about him. All of my colleagues (the ones around our age) are openly flirting with him at every given occasion and he seems like really distant to them, barely saying hello or spending time taking coffee breaks when they are around. But he’s really friendly with me and asked me out on a couple of occasions - we didn’t manage to yet (?) because of contrasting prior appointments but still. (Theon as me, Robb as the guy)

(3) this story dates back in 2016/2017. I was in London with my friends, they wanted to sleep until late so I went to Hide Park for a morning run. I saw this famous actor and asked for a pic, we started to talk until a group of his fans noticed him. He was king of overwhelmed by this group of people running toward him, took my hand and dragged me down the path. I spent the next week worrying about some paparazzi seeing us. (Theon as the famous guy, Robb as me).

[keysnewdramaisouttomorrow]

01.05.2023

your girl signed up for trouble.

insomnia has been raging on some days, leaving me with around 5 hours of sleep and prolonged days of waking up late to make up for it. i’ve become a “normie”. i despise it.

having dared to ask my friend about his love life the other day, he mentioned the dating app El had told me to go for. i thought, what the hell. i’ve tried everything to go to sleep. why not i just go and open my mind.

after all, i’d been thinking about exploring my sexuality for a while now, having been talking openly about sex and relationships with sis. i have a raging feeling i’m bi but i don’t like labels. before i quit cmb, i tried the girls section and felt a rush of excitement seeing profiles that were actually complete.

2. i thought i left that behind. especially with AR. i felt a good attraction in terms of talking and interests, he really gave off chill vibes when i called him almost every weekend during the pandemic. but really, i changed my mind when we met up to exchange gifts before he went back home. i was disappointed by his awkward vibes although i already saw it. guess i thought i wanted one of those “online friends” stories. but i deleted him and i don’t regret it. he’s not someone i want to keep in my life. i dragged it out too long, maybe misled him. i didn’t want to put labels on someone i barely knew. plus i was paranoid as heck.

3. fantasy of male best friends in my friend. we’re getting warm in our friendship. sometimes i think about his eyes and height too much. i guess i’m really grateful he reciprocated my clingy ways and listens to me. i saw a lot of him last month. different sides. i was amused. a part of me wants to help him. a part of me is terrified of repeating the mistake with L. mostly, i’m really fond of him and i think i have too many daddy issues which makes me think i’m in love with every guy i know.

4. TR has a girlfriend. our friendship phase has reached a bit of a sunset. i don’t mind the change. i feel bittersweet. he’s stuck with me unexpectedly. i saw him and i no longer felt the same way. to be honest, it’s been like that in the past 2-3 years since he started dating. i’m just a friend, arms-length away, but he’ll be there if i need. i’m happy for him and i’ll cherish our fun times.

5. mr cutesy on the app - the way he types pisses me off a bit. too cutesy. maybe my expectations. we vibe well. we have similar interests. i feel i wouldn’t mind to meet him. he seems chill. he feels like AR. i have this thing about his height but i’m trying to enjoy the process instead of judging and withdrawing.

6. mr red flags younger guy - yeah the first thing he boasted. the way he replies is carefree and uncensored. for fun to chat? yeah. husband mat? i don’t think so. anyhow he’s been smooth in the conversations. i find myself trying to match up to it. then i realize me trying to match up isn’t a good sign. i’m trying the ‘outgoing’ side since i try not to believe people are fully opposites at face value. if he wanted to meet, i’d tell someone and who knows if it’ll even happen?

1. square one with Txxx. seeing his face on a monday morning as a suggestion made me snort up my morning fluids. i shouldn’t’ve been surprised tho. after all, i’d seen an ex-colleague and sis’ ex-colleague there. what surprised me even more was he had swiped me. i’ll see what happens.

after writing those mournful love letters 5 years ago, i can only smile and laugh. puppy love. bus stop scenes. him, smelling the socks JW gave him, us bumping shoulders, exchanging letters in the meeting room. god. what a time. i don’t like his social group. i don’t exactly like his family setup. i don’t mind being friends again and catching up, we hadn’t left on bad blood after all, just deliberate slow silence. i was also immature and insecure at that time.

7. the girl. kinda cute, kinda exciting. i suspect she might drop off. also the height difference is hmmm. i much prefer being the shorter one. but yeah, like i said, i’m exploring.

honestly i feel excited in a positive way. i haven’t felt this ready to explore like ever. i’m really trying to take it easy and see this as a way to open my mind. i’d really like to get closer to my other self that is more carefree, less controlling of myself, more vocal about my boundaries and interests.

[larrysballetslippers]

Hello! Why do you fell like a fool? Did something happened?? Sending you lots of hugs!!!💞💞💞🌈 hope you are feeling better m

Hey hey! I'm alright, just hyped myself up thinking my crush likes me, but I'm such fool for thinking that haha. We're close but I don't think she sees me as anything but a friend. And how much it might hurt, I have to accept it and move on I guess. Thanks for the hugs, sorry I made you worry, I'll be fine.

Have a lovely night 💙🏳️‍🌈

[thefirstknife]

Hey, would you happen to have lore receipts for Drifter being bi? Just curious, it’s been a while since I read trough his lore :) I would also add Petra to the list of gays as well, while not confirmed, she’s heavily implied to be in love with Mara.

Oh yeah, Petra! 100% wlw and heavily implied to be in love with Mara. Awoken just be like that.

On to Drifter, yes! He is my blorbo and he is the best.

First, we know he likes women because he very obviously had (still has?) a thing for Orin. He also tried flirting with Lady Efrideet (disastrous result). And he very obviously likes Eris. To what extent, we can't tell, but he enjoys her company and has explicitly said that he likes how "freakyx she is. He also most recently dedicated time to make her a nice meal in seasonal armour (Eidolon Pursuant set).

The other hints are in how he talks about certain things in general. For example:

And you know me. I like to keep some folk close—real close. I feel somebody's hand on my throat, I figure they're about to kill me or kiss me.

Personally, I like to keep my options open.

It doesn't specify gender!

Also this:

"Had a face like the end-times and eyes like manna in the desert. One look at him, and I knew I wasn't gonna be saved."

Who is this man whose eyes he's complimenting? (probably Shin)

More directly though, he's very openly flirting with men for no reason and out of nowhere, as well as using as much innuendo as possible while he talks.

His first target? Zavala. These lines from Arrivals for example. He's so direct when asking if Zavala came to see him because he's special. Like, hello? Also this absolutely bonkers innuendo about Zavala he sent to Ikora (from Witch Queen CE book):

Hey Ikora,

Did you sign off on this? Zavala ordered a search of my ship to get samples of my plants? "There are known similarities between your vessel's infestation and the growths aboard the derelict Glykon Volatus." Tell the big guy that if he wants to get at my garden, he'd better start pounding some Primevals.

Transmat firing,

D

I think that's as far as they could've gone with that one without crossing the ratings line.

And my fave for last. So, there's a lore book about Ada-1 making the loom for transmog and at one point she visits Rahool for help. And he explains that it will take a long time to search for things she needs so she asks if she can search herself. And then:

Rahool shook his head. "Access to the classified archives is limited to sanctioned Guardians, Tower support staff, or the Vanguard themselves. You are none of those things."

Ada scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous, I've seen that Drifter perusing this data on a weekly basis for his own amusement."

"That's not— there's no way—" Rahool stammered and blushed. "I assure you, no such breach has occurred."

I'm sorry, but nobody will ever convince me that this isn't confirmation that Rahool and Drifter are hooking up and Rahool is giving him access to the Cryptarchy archives.

The way this is written is beyond funny. First, Ada practically lives next to Drifter and she says she's SEEN him using the archives. So she has personally seen something going on between Drifter and Rahool. On a weekly basis.

And then also Rahool "stammering and blushing." That's fanfic level acknowledgement. Why would he stammer and blush if he didn't allow it? Wouldn't he be angry about it and ask that Ada tell him all she knows right away so that he can report Drifter? Nope. He's stammering and blushing. Case closed.

In conclusion, Drifter likes dangerous women who can snap him in half and Awoken men. I don't blame him.

Additionally, something I like very much, a certain bounty you can take for Gambit:

The text changes depending on your character's gender. This is the text for the female Guardian, but if you're on a male Guardian, he'll say it the other way around with king/queen.

Drifter says trans rights!

[ceruleanchillin]

When You're At The Function F***in It UP And Your Man Walks In (Mayans)

Warnings: Implied sexual content, language, fighting

Characters: Angel, Coco, & EZ

A:

You’re on thin ice as it is sis. The little forest-green dress with the the deep plunge front and slit sides, the one that ended up purchased after your friends hyped you into it. That’s supposed to be in the trash according to one Angel Reyes. That, or reserved for private nights in.

Currently, it was wrapped around your form, helping you grab envious/admiring glances from around the room.

Your hips twisted to the layered bass, using the random behind you for stability. Your friend next to you cheered you on, her inner hype man on full display. There’s a breakdown in the song, and you lose yourself in the rhythm. Suddenly, you hear a familiar voice telling you “Superstar mama, say hi for the gram!”.

Your eyes zone in on Gilly, eyes wide. Everyone knew the Mayans rolled deep when they went anywhere. Where there was one, there was the rest. Especially when it came to the three musketeers and their wrangler, EZ.

Like you were busted sneaking back into your room as a teen, you froze. You narrowed your eyes at your friend who shrugged and mouthed sorry before disappearing.

“Gilly fuck off!” You hissed, moving away from the random. Your eyes scanning the crowded den.

Gilly laughed, tucking his phone into his kutte. “Ayy, don’t get mad at me,” he fluttered his eyelashes and fake coughed into his hand. “I don’t feel so good baby, I’m just gonna stay in tonight.”

You narrowed your eyes at his high-pitched mimicry of your last conversation with Angel.

He wasn’t even supposed to be there. Your friend swore she nixed all Mayan related invites, just for that night, on your behalf. All you wanted was to be able to turn up like you did pre-relationship. Normally you could at clubhouse parties since Angel trusted everyone there with his life. Any party outside of that was a gamble, and Angel could referee like he got a check for it.

Your eyes finally met said man’s across the party and a chill and went down your spine. Angel was propped against the wall across the way, eyes on you.

The rest of party fell away as you made your way over to him, schooling your features into your ‘what did I do daddy?’ pout.

“Nah, don’t come over with that lip poking now.” He shook his head, speaking when you were in range of him.

“And what are you doing wearing this fucking pillowcase out here? What did we talk about?” He pinched the thin strings of your dress.

“Nooo, don’t be mad. I was walking through my closet and it fell on me. Besides, you liked it when I modeled it for you.”

Angel scoffed, refusing to even entertain your comments. Coco chuckled from his spot next to his friend as he lit a cigarette.

“I thought you had club shit, I didn’t even know you’d be here.” You cringed as soon as the words left your lips, the shots you’d taken earlier still putting in work.

“I didn’t know you’d be here either. I thought you were sick. There’s some soup in the car that thought it was getting dropped off. Apparently wrong thoughts is the theme of the night.”

Petty by Angel Reyes.

“Soup? Baby, that’s so sweet.” You tried to pet his cheeks, but he was keeping you at bay.

“You aren’t even sick! Imma give that shit to Gilly.”

“Nooo.” You whined again, still trying to get him to let you touch him in some way.

“Get that bitch you were dancing with to buy you soup.” It was his turn to pout, but there was fire in his eyes as he tracked the guy you’d been dancing with. “It’s all he’s gonna be able to fucking eat in a minute anyways.”

“Sorry I blew up your spot ma, I just wanted to see my plug and get out.” Coco opened the palm of his hand not holding the cigarette and revealed a small bag of weed.

Angel snapped his head towards him, expression incredulous. “Don’t apologize to her, she lied to her man! She gave some puto hope! Get on code!”

“I love you hermano, but this is your guard dog-ass fault.” He pointedly ignored his friend’s heated glare as a girl in the doorway caught his interest, slipping away when she positively returned his gaze.

Angel’s attention was claimed by you once again when you pulled his head down towards you. You smothered his cheeks in kisses, to which he was physically unresponsive.

“I don’t know if I want you kissing on me querida.”

You rolled your eyes. Petty or not, everyone knew Angel’s life force depleted the longer he went without touching you. Even in your tipsy state you could see his fingers literally twitched with the need to take their rightful place on your hips.

“I just wanted to dance like I used to, and you don’t dance. Then you beat down guys who want to. You left me no choice, so let me have kisses.” You locked your arms around his waist, successfully avoiding his half-hearted attempts to push you away.

He scrunched up his face. “How the fuck am I catching strays in this situation? I’m the victim!”

“I’ll make it up to you later if you stop being a hatin’ wallflower and let me grind on you.” Your hips found the rhythm of the slow wind song thumping through the room.

His hands encircled your throat, drawing you closer to his person. Your pupils blew at his darkened expression, your lower half squirming with interest. He pressed his lips to yours, and the party faded to nothing again. His fingers flexed around your throat before closing just enough for him to draw the subtlest gasp from you. He felt it more than heard it over the noise, but it was enough.

He pulled away, licking his lips as you tried to remember where you were and if sin always tasted so good.

“You’ll make it up to me right now in the traitor’s car.” he held up keys you recognized to be Coco’s.

You started to protest on principle, but your body was going through withdrawals from a lite touch (for Angel). He could see the wheels turning, but you were letting him lead you out of the room, palm openly covering your ass.

“Who are you texting?” You asked, more annoyed with how his hands were no longer possessively roaming your body than a real answer.

He quickly pocketed his phone and returned his hands to you. “No one baby.” definitely not telling his boys via group chat to handle the random for him. “Stop worrying about anything other than how you’re gonna get around at work tomorrow.”

--------

C:

It was bad enough you couldn’t make it to New Orleans due to work, and Old Lady “responsibilities”, but this petty fight you were in with Coco was the kicker. You couldn’t even remember how it started, but it escalated back and forth until you weren’t speaking and were back staying at your apartment.

Poor Letty had been reduced to messenger girl, especially now that she had a car. A tug of war with your point being “she was my girl first, that’s how we met” and his point being “she’s my kid, blood first ma” had broken out. You didn’t know what was going to wear through its welcome first, your lack of Coco, or Letty’s patience, but they were competing. It wasn’t like Coco was doing any better if your daily updates from Letty were any indication. He was impatient, tense, chain smoking, and was getting closer and closer to going through with the apology call he was openly fighting.

It wouldn’t be long before you were back to getting your back arched out of shape if that was anything to go by. Not a moment too soon if your own miserable habits were anything to go by. You wanted to use the party to distract yourself, hoping Coco would break first the following day. If not, it was sure to be you.

You spent the whole day throwing your frustrations into decorating your best friend’s backyard. It looked like the French Quarter threw up its best years, but it was the perfect backdrop to lose yourself to some bounce music.

Normally, you could goad Coco into being your twerking post, and that resistance (plus his turned on bi-lingual hypeman compliments in your ear) was everything missing at the moment.

You pouted and weaved your way out of the crowd to your friend who was busy playing good hostess.

“Ah ah, no whining. If you wanna really make it Mardi Gras, shake your ass on a dude.”

You narrowed your eyes, annoyed she shut down and solved your problem before you could whine about it. “Coco hates that shit! Plus he’s spoiled me, it won’t even be the same.”

“Coco isn’t here, and it doesn’t have to be the same, it just has to do.” She turned away from where she’d filled two shot glasses for the two of you. “Besides, we both know your ass is gonna be all in his neck crying about how you miss him tomorrow. Do your thing before you go out sad.”

She clinked shot glasses with you, pleased at her accurate assessment and your sourpuss face.

“Fuck you.” You laughed, voice rough from the burn of the shot.

“Save that for Coco.” She smacked your ass, draped one of the many beaded necklaces hanging off her shoulder around your neck, and sent you on your way back to the crowd of writhing bodies.

It was nothing to find dudes to grind on, and you fell into the synergy. You couldn’t count how many fast paced songs you’d thrown it back to, or how many guys you’d danced with. The stack of beads you’d acquired gave some idea though.

Meanwhile, Coco’s skin was alive with the kind of anger he felt. He’d been seriously contemplating coming to your place and forcing out admissions of how his life wasn’t right without you in it. He couldn’t remember who or what started it, but it didn’t even matter when your scent was starting to fade from his pillow, and his touch starvation was acting up.

All of that went careening out the window when he stumbled upon a pouty Letty, huffing and sucking her teeth at her phone. Turns out you, and “everyone in the goddamn world but me” according to Letty, were at your friend’s blowout Mardi Gras party. Coco knew it was your favorite holiday, but it was news to him that you had any plans since you couldn’t officially go this year. News he didn’t welcome at all, since all of the videos he saw you in you were throwing (his) your ass on multiple dudes. Did you think he wouldn’t fight everyone???

He was already on his bike before he’d even registered leaving the house. He sent a quick summoning call in his boy’s group chat, your friend’s address the destination.

The party was louder and wilder than the videos let on. He’d already spotted his boys by their kuttes, mingling in their respective ways, but didn’t seek them out. They’d find him if he needed them to. Coco on the other hand, needed to find you.

His eagle eyes picked apart the crowd until he spotted you twisting yourself to the rhythm. Coco didn’t know whether to shoot the asshole behind you, or take you away to deal with the feelings you were bringing out of him.

You knew he loved when you brought the South to the West Coast with your hips and ass.

He charged into your space, his hands immediately going for the guy’s arm and snatching him towards him.

“Make a choice cabrón. Get the fuck out, or be an expensive bill and sad memory for your moms by morning.” He pressed his kutte to his person, emphasizing that he was strapped.

The guy raised his palms and quickly exited the scene. Unwilling to test what clearly was a warning that Coco would happily make good on.

You tugged on him, trying to get him to move away from the crowd. Scanning those around you to see who saw or heard, you noticed more than you would’ve liked. They wouldn’t make a fuss, noting his kutte, but still.

“Stop it. What are you even doing here?” You hissed, tugging his arm harshly for his attention.

He turned his gaze, wild with adrenaline and arrogance at his victory, on you. “You should’ve stopped yourself before throwing it back on random fuckers for the internet. This is on you.”

“No, this is on you. If you hadn’t done what you did or said what you said…”. You trailed off remembering that you couldn’t recall what had happened, just the frustration.

“What did I say or do (y/n)?” He noted your visible annoyance that he’d chosen to use your real name instead of a pet name, and with a smirk, he walked you backwards until your back gently hit the fence.

Between not recalling what started the fight, and your man looking amazing, you settled on a pathetic. “You remember.”

“No I don’t, and neither do you.” that familiar prickle of intensity sparked between the two of you.

Everything between you and Coco felt like a live wire dancing back and forth. High energy moments usually ended in either great sex, or separation (sometimes by the force of your friends) to let things cool down.

“I know you’re gonna catch a case if you keep moving like that Johnny. Is that what you want?”

“Nah mujer, that ain’t what I want. I want you home where you belong, but you’re out here playing me instead.” Slender fingers tugged sharply at a few of the beaded necklaces in your stack.

You sucked your teeth and turned your head, ignoring the warm cheeks and butterflies in your stomach at his on-brand admission of missing you.

He placed a hand on the fence next to your head, grasping your chin to turn your attention back to him.

“You’re being a drama queen. I thought I was talking to Angel for a second.”

He threw his head back as laughed, and you got an almost overwhelming urge to kiss him. Or at least bury your fingers in his soft curls, they were begging for it at this po-

“Fuck that, he’s still got me beat. Wait til you see the tantrum he’s saving for you for not getting invited tonight.”

“He was, I just told her to can it because of you. He should be mad at you.” You pouted, but your tone was teasing.

“I could put in a good word for you…you know, if you’re done being petty.” He leaned in, running his lips over the shell of your ear.

“Or I could just offer to throw it back on him to make him forget.”

It was your turn to laugh when Coco tensed, and pulled back from where he’d been teasing you with light touches. You didn’t love him no longer touching you, but faltering him made it almost worth it.

“Or you could take me home and we could both forget…” you clutched at his kutte, leaning into him.

He pulled your hands away by your wrists, his thumbs rubbing over your pulse points.

“Nah, if dancing is this fucking important to you, come on then.” He pulled you after him.

“Cocooo,” you whined, more interested in getting him to touch you again. “Take me home already.”

“My lady wants to dance.” He sat on the outdoor wicker couch and patted his lap. “So dance.”

You stood there in confusion for a second, before what he meant became clear. “I’m not doing that here!”

“You didn’t have an issue earlier, move those hips ma.” He looked between you and his lap again.

Could’ve been the way he was biting his lip, or the laid back way he rested against the couch, but that coupled with lack of access to him, had affirmative words running through your mind.

You playfully rolled your eyes, faking like his request was that expensive. “Only because I want to get you home, and I know you’ll never quit whining if I don’t.”

You slipped onto his lap, the action already drawing attention from partygoers just for the potential of what was to come.

He grasped your hips to still you before you started to move, his palm pressing you back to him by your throat. “And don’t half-ass it yeah…or I might do the same when I get you home.”

--------

E:

It wasn’t until Creeper hit his shoulder and informed him of how hard he was smiling that EZ realized his cheeks ached. He couldn’t help it, he loved watching you dance more than anything.

As soon as you heard a melody you liked, you came alive to it, and stole everyone’s attention. You could find the beat on anything.

That wasn’t his sole reason for cheesing so hard though. Tonight had been the first night you brought your closest friends around the club, and he knew it took great trust in him, his brothers, and your relationship to do that. Your family was on the East Coast, so your friends filled that role for you. Coupled with EZ, they were your world and he thanked you everyday for letting him in.

“Gonna stop calling you boy scout if you keep enjoying the show this much.” Creeper took the seat across from him, half blocking his view.

“Oh you didn’t know how EZ gets down?” Angel’s lips formed that mischievous grin, his eyes taking on the same glint. “You should’ve seen him begging me for tales from Angel’s crib.”

“She and her girls look good out there. Might be too much for you junior.”

EZ rolled his eyes at the ribbing from his brothers, his grin still intact. “At some point I’m gonna be patched, I’m happy to make a cage date for that day. Pretty sure I can take both of you.

Creeper and Angel exchanged exaggerated incredulous expressions.

“See what happens when you go easy on the help?” Angel scoffed. “You sound like you’re hurtin’ for work prospect.”

“Could use some more water.” Creeper shook his water bottle at him, just barely missing splashing him.

EZ rose from his seat, empty beer bottle in hand. “Just remember that day is coming.”

Angel and Creeper laughed raucously at that.

“Don’t get your ass beat in front of your woman lil bro!”

EZ shook his head, choosing to ignore his dumbass older brother. and tossed his bottle in the trash. Slipping through the moving bodies until he was near you, he gently patted your friend who nodded and stepped from behind you.

You jumped, surprised at his sudden appearance, but settled back against him.

“Hey baby.” You gently encouraged him to follow the sway of your hips as he placed his head on your shoulder.

“Hey. I’m back on the slave clock, you want anything?”

You turned to him, his arms instinctively encircling your waist. “Hard tea please.”

“I gotta go to the trailer for that, and get the variety hour table over there a drink. I’ll try to be quick.”

“Don’t rush, but remember, you owe me a dance.” You cupped his cheeks and pressed a kiss to his lips.

He grinned goofily, his attention solely yours until he felt your girls draping themselves over him.

“Can you get us some too Zeke? Thanks.” “Preciate it Z.”

You giggled pushing them off him, but you knew he didn’t mind. You guys were a package deal and he’d take whatever you came with. At least their requests came with pleasantries.

“Sure ladies, not a problem. Don’t let anyone take her while I’m gone.”

They laughed, giving affirmative replies while you rolled your eyes pushed him towards the side door.

Once he began his drink fulfillment quest, it was like every brother wanted something from him. It was a full house that night and he should’ve known once he was no longer under Angel’s break protection, he was back to errand boy status.

Every task he completed was met with teasing about how his rushed pace clearly pointed to him wanting to get back to you. He didn’t argue the fact, just moved faster every time you were mentioned.

Finally, he was able to to focus on your request when he stopped being flagged down.

He was heading to the trailer when one of your friends stopped him.

“One of the other charter’s guys is annoying our girl. She doesn’t wanna make a fuss cause’..you know.” She gestured to his vest to signify his prospect status. “But I know she’s not feeling it.”

He could feel the the muscles in his jaw flex in anger, feet carrying him across the crowded yard. People moved before he could plow through them, which was just as well, because he wasn’t fully in control at that point, and didn’t think he could slow down enough to sidestep them.

The clubhouse had filled considerably since his absence. He scanned the room for you, finding you in a crowd of moving bodies. Your friend was right, you had a good poker face, but your man knew you.

He didn’t waste time physically separating you from the Yuma patch member. He gently put you behind his person, feeling your small hands press against his back through his vest.

“I’m good baby. He agreed this was the last dance.” Your voice belied your annoyance despite your words.

“I’m guessing he said that more than once.”

“I don’t mind, I know clu-“

Yuma interrupted you. “See, she doesn’t mind. Go find something to do with yourself prospect.”

“I’ve got a project in mind.” EZ pushed you back a little more to give himself room to work with.

“Be smart bare vest.” Yuma smirked, his eyes saying how much he’d love for EZ to make the mistake he was thinking about.

In the span of the next few seconds, Yuma’s vest and shirt was covered in beer and Coco had appeared at the same time. If the obvious way he was holding the bottle didn’t give away he did it on purpose, his dry “my bad” and shrug did.

Yuma swung on Coco who anticipated it and dodged it, before firing back with a successful punch of his own. A sea of Mayans of mixed charter filled the space and EZ quickly pushed you behind the bar before he lost you in the shuffle.

Understanding what Coco had done, he got in the middle to give the Yuma patch what he’d been asking for while he was covered by the chaos.

It didn’t last long before the presidents stepped in, but it didn’t have to. He was happy to take the few licks he’d received, because he was pretty sure he’d broken Yuma patch’s nose, and would get away with it.

His brother’s words against theirs, and the presidents didn’t feel the need to make it a drawn out issue. He pretended to have played bouncer instead of active participant, and it all ended with a basic chewing out.

His only thoughts were of you once his rage had subsided, and he could think clearly again. Had he scared off you and your friends? Embarrassed you?

He was happy to find that hadn’t. Your friends couldn’t help but fawn over him and how “perfect for you” he was. He especially enjoyed reveling in the jealousy of Coco, Angel, Gilly, and Creeper. Coco slightly less salty when he got praise for his efforts.

He got his admiration from you later when you patched him up in the trailer, soft voice telling him how sexy he looked to you, and how you appreciated him thinking of you in his position. You held his face and gently went over everything you could find, while he said on his makeshift bed content to let you.

He couldn’t stop grinning, the one that always got him mercilessly mocked because it was now associated with him thinking of you.

“Seriously EZ,” you dabbed at the final cut you hadn’t attended to. “Thank you.”

“I want you to feel safe with me, it’s only fair if you can accept all this shit.”

You grinned down at him, hair framing your face, and he had to remind himself to breathe at the sight. “I do, all the time.”

He cupped the side of your face, unwilling to fight the urge to kiss you any longer.

You laughed speaking between kisses. “I’m not done.”

“It’s ok, I’m good.” He chased your lips, unashamed to want you so badly.

“Ok,” you returned his kisses, your fingers dancing down the nape of his neck. “But I’d like to cash in that dance you owe me…you know, before we get too busy.”

He rose to full height, hands finding both of yours. “I can do that.”

AN:

I don’t speak Spanish, so if I made a mistake feel free to hop in my messages and let me know and how to fix it please. You’re more than welcome to.

1.) I remember seeing a meme vid about this years ago, and finding it hilarious. I could see this happening with these dudes and their personalities. That, and I just really wanted a lil southern culture in a Mayans drabble. 🤷🏾‍♀️

2.) I did a rewatch of the whole series (including the original), and I’m back on the obsession train. Just tryna to be happy before S4 kicks my shit in.

3.) I kept telling myself I wouldn’t end up writing for these fools and here I am in my Ringling Bros. best🤡.

[quillquiver]

On SPN, Burying Your Gays, and Being Heard

I am shaking, I feel sick, I feel like I’m insane. And did I run a little wild with the theories? You bet. But you know what didn’t help? The botched clusterfuck that was this entire goddamn finale debacle. How was I supposed to believe anything they said in panels when M&G dialogue would leak saying the exact opposite? How was I supposed to grieve and move on when there was nothing from the cast and crew? Nobody said anything! And any info leaked just destabilized what we already knew or directly contradicted what we’d been told. In light of that, how was I supposed to trust anything anyone said? One rogue translator reciprocated the love confession and I was practically sold, because there were so many questions surrounding the English text that this was something good, something that logically fit, and something I wanted to hold onto. 

Because they hurt me. This is about so much more than one episode or a ship; for years queer fans have seen ourselves in these characters and been told that we were crazy. That we were reading too much into it. I’m not sure how people get upset and offended when a storyline that doesn’t exist... doesn’t exist! said Guy Bee (2013). And then, after all of that, they turned around and said magnanimously, you have your version, I have mine... and that’s okay. But it’s not okay. It’s not okay, because that doesn’t erase what came before - that doesn’t erase the baiting and the gaslighting, and that invalidates everything we felt in the time leading up to that episode. It gave them an open window for all the subtext that came after. It allowed them to brush us off.

And then we got Cas’s love confession. I watched that scene about 500 times. Added to the rest of the season - to the fandom avatar being presented as successful and intelligent, to arc being the death of the author - I felt seen. Really seen, by a show that made it its mission to erase me. I had been okay with Cas dying at first because I had been sure the romance arc would carry through. I had been convinced that after everything, there was no way they would give that to us and then take it away.

But they did, because this is Supernatural. To anyone saying this is not bury your gays, I implore you to read up on the Hays Code. This link is to an amazing queer history podcast and the episode that covers it. In short, the Hays Code was a legal document that came about in 20th Century Hollywood during the puritanical war on the American entertainment industry,  and it stipulated what was not allowed on screen. Not all of it was queer - there’s a whole section about kissing - but what the Code is most remembered for is that queerness was not allowed on screen. But queer people are resilient, and so they started testing the waters... and it turned out that you could in fact code queerness into a narrative, as long as it was subtextual, or as long as the queer character died/was punished, or both. The point is that the character is not allowed to live their truth openly. They are buried, either in the ground or punished in the narrative. The former is normally what we refer to these days, because the latter just doesn’t really happen anymore.

Until Supernatural. 

Castiel is immediately punished for speaking his truth - and please don’t tell me he leveraged that punishment and so he had agency. Literally the only thing that could make him happy was confessing his feelings, and so the Empty deal was directly related to this idea of queerness-as-punishment. That being said, Bobo wrote a beautiful scene. Cas’s confession was a love letter to queerness and coming out... but everything that came after buried him. Castiel may have ended the series alive but he was effectively written out of the last two episodes, and that means that he actually never really got to live his truth. He was silenced by the narrative - that is punishment. 

Dean is a whole other can of worms. Does one rogue translator confirm canon bi!Dean? Or do we have to read our own version of the text? The fact that we even have to ask these questions firmly places us in the realm of queerbaiting. Were the writers trying to get bi!Dean approved but were unable to? I have no idea, but queerbaiting requires proof that the writers encouraged a reading they had no intent of following through on, and we certainly don’t lack in evidence of that. Not from this writers room, but from those of previous eras. Did these writers try? They might have, but the funny thing about queerbaiting discourse is that there has never been a show to bait this long, and I’m making the call that even if you tried at the end, you baited me with half the ship and all the years that came before. 

Of course, the narrative leaves open the possibility of bi!Dean so if you do read the show that way, that means Dean also falls into the bury your gays category; if you read the show this way - which many of us do - the mere suggestion that Dean Winchester was bisexual was enough to punish him. And he was punished. We’ve all written extensively on this, but he was given a random death, on a case his father never finished. All that growth, all that time spent having him accept himself, love himself, that was all taken away. He died the way he always thought he would: as a tool, in service of his father, protecting his brother. He had always believed he’d been a body to throw on the sword and in the end that’s all he was. And when he gets to Heaven? He’s also silenced. He barely speaks in the episode except to monologue during his death, and that is 100% Sam-centric. He is scared. 

It was horrific to watch. I sobbed so hard my roommate was seriously concerned. 

I had been fully prepared for Supernatural to end disappointingly. I had figured everything would end with a huge heaven reunion because white, straight, cis-male S&F writers love the idea of death as a reward, but instead of being disappointed I felt like I had witnessed a slaughter. Every single one of the queer themes intrinsic to the show: found family, resilience, speaking your truth... were gone. And I know we’ve talked about this too, but it bears repeating, because in doing this, in writing the queerness out of its narrative, Supernatural effectively looked every one of us queer folx in the eye and said: you are not important. You don’t matter. All of that stuff that came before is all good and well, but what really matters at the end of all things is blood family. It’s two brothers in a car. Life sucks but at least we get to die and go to paradise - real paradise, that your angel buddy died for and then made for you and who we never hear from again.

I felt insane. I felt cheated. I felt humiliated. I felt devastated. I still feel all those things, but listen to me. You have been heard. Not by Misha Collins, who is a great guy, but doesn’t get it. Not by Jensen Ackles, who is a similarly great guy, but also just doesn’t understand. And not by anyone else who worked on this show. 

You know who heard you? Me. The people who follow me. The people who follow you. We saw each other, and heard each other, and we gave each other a leg up. We made memes. We wrote fic. We drew fanart. We made gifs. All for ourselves and all for each other. We broke Tumblr multiple times. We donated over $60,000 USD to multiple different causes. We got multiple hashtags trending at multiple different points, and today kept it up because we demanded answers and then we got them. There were at least 5 articles written about the show today. We made that happen. We made people listen. 

Supernatural didn’t deserve me, and it didn’t deserve you. It didn’t deserve Dean. It didn’t deserve Cas. It didn’t deserve Misha and Jensen. But this show ended with a bleak, awful message and we turned around and showed them that love is loud. So what about all of this is real?

We are.

[mommybard]

This is gonna sound so chaotic and so confusing and I just need someone to listen. So I’ve been interested in this guy for a long time. Years. And right before the pandemic hit, we finally talked for real rather in passing (it took me a while bc I’m really shy and so is he) and I thought we hit it off. We chatted, we laughed, and the way he looked at me… I’ll never forget it. It was the way I looked at him. And from that point on, I had so much hope. I carried that hope through the entirety of the pandemic and due to circumstances, didn’t see him for over a year. We never exchanged numbers or anything so we’re kinda back to square one given the time that’s passed. I’ve gotten to befriend some of his friends and I thought FINALLY this is gonna come to fruition…. But now, I’m not certain he’s interested in me… or women at all. This summer I’ve been unable to see him and I stayed hopeful, until I noticed his social media. He’s been mass following men. All very young men who fit a particular type. Ages 18-22, very small men, athletic. And he’s been spamming their accounts with likes, mostly of their sexy photos. He’s been doing this to openly gay men as well as straight men… and some idk their sexuality. But now, after all this time of hearing that he went out with women and did hook ups but didn’t want anything serious…. then we talked and everything seemed so perfect… and now that I’m closer than ever to getting to be around him more often and in an atmosphere where I can really get to know him…. I’m not sure he’s even into women anymore. After years of believing he was and knowing he went out with women… Years of wishing he’d feel something for me. Idk what to do. I can’t ask him about his sexuality of course. And I’m scared to confide in a mutual friend out of fear of outting him if he is in fact gay or bi or pan. It’s driving me insane. And I feel like an idiot for actually believing the man of my dreams liked *me*. I’m spiritual in the sense of I believe in signs and everything. And I’ve gotten signs for so long that made me feel it was gonna work out. And even now, I asked the world whether I should move on or not and suddenly, everywhere I look is something saying “don’t give up! don’t lose hope!”. I’m so confused. I like him so much and I’ve liked him for so long. Idk what to do.

So, I'm gonna need you to take a few steps back and breathe hun. I'm...mixed on this. I've written a few answers but deleted and restarted a few times now. So, I'll try to be clear and give you the best advice I can. I'm a bit worried for a few things you said at the start of this. That you've just had conversations in passing with this guy but have been pining after him for years now. This makes me worried if you're more attracted to the idea of him, like an idealized version of what he might be like that you've built up from the conversations in passing, rumors, and social media, instead of who he is. But, the best way to find out what he really is like is getting to know him, which it sounds like you've attempted in the pre-pandemic conversation. If you're not close enough to have exchanged numbers or contact info, I probably wouldn't suggest asking him directly what his orientation is. You could be the nicest person in the world, but I know that at certain parts of my life if someone I wasn't close to had asked me that I would've straight up lied to them to avoid any messy conversations. Just kind of how it is. So, with that out of the way, my best advice to you is to ask him on a date. Yes, I know, this sounds like an extreme option and can seem like a terrifying way to go about it. But, it's the best way to find out. If he says yes, then great! You know that he feels something to, and wants to explore it. You have the date you've been wanting for a while. If he says no, for whatever reason, then it's gonna hurt a bit, not gonna lie. Unrequited affection can sting. It happens, and it sucks, but its something the person feeling that way has to handle themselves. If he's still a cool person, hey you might not've gotten a partner out of it, but he might be a chill friend, and that's always an awesome thing to have! The longer you wait though, the more that anxiety is going to build, and the worse that pining is going to feel. So go on, ask him out, and find out if you've got a potential date or just a potential new friend. And please don't check out his socials unless its to check for red flags, it's just gonna lead to you getting in your own head hun <3

[hartigays]

I’m laughing thinking about Ward going through the 5 stages of grief after learning Rafe has a boyfriend

ward cameron when rafe tells him he’s a raging homosexual:

fic under the cut!!

the dinner table is silent, save for the noises of forks and knives clinking against porcelain.

rafe stares down at his steak, mouth watering but refusing to eat it. he has plans later, after all, and steak is not kind to his bowels, despite how delicious it may be going down.

his bowels do not need to be in a twist for what’s in store for him later.

barry would probably murder him in the front yard of his trailer - it has been a week since they’ve been able to see each other, after all. and as barry had so eloquently put it on the phone earlier, rafe needs to be prepared to be “taken down to pound town, back around, and down again”.

not like anyone at the table needs to know this, but rafe imagines he’ll get questions soon enough about his lack of enthusiasm towards his meal.

almost as if she could read his mind, rose fixes rafe with a calculating look and asks, “rafe, why aren’t you eating? that’s a perfectly good steak, i don’t want it going to waste.”

going to waste, rafe thinks with an internal snort. everything in this house goes to waste - it’s just part of living on figure eight. everything is disposable, everything is replaceable.

“rafe, eat your steak,” ward insists with a sigh, not looking up from his plate. “i’m not in the mood tonight.”

in the mood for what, rafe has no idea. ward is acting like rafe is a fussy 4-year-old who he has to constantly battle with to eat his peas, when in reality ward couldn’t give less of a shit about what rafe does or says or eats on a daily basis, so long as it’s not making the family look bad.

the thought alone has rafe gritting his teeth, glaring across the table at his sorry excuse for a father.

“i’m not hungry,” rafe lies, folding his arms across his chest.

ward sighs again, like this 2-second conversation has pained him greatly, still not looking up. “i’m not arguing with you, rafe. eat the damn steak or leave the table. no one is in the mood for your sulking.”

rafe makes a face, then rolls his eyes. “i’m not sulking. but whatever, i have to be somewhere anyway.”

he scoots his chair back, ignoring sarah eyeing him warily from the seat adjacent to his.

“be somewhere? it’s almost nine,” rose questions. she raises her brows at rafe expectantly.

rose is looking at him like the stern stepmother she pretends to be, acting like she actually gives a shit where rafe is going, when the question was really only asked to ensure that whatever rafe is doing, it won’t reflect poorly on everyone else.

never mind that rafe is nearly 20 years old and can go wherever he pleases. he’s also gotten sick of this notion that every move he makes will somehow make them all look bad and tear the family apart. despite the fact that sarah is the one who’s openly dating a pogue, one who’s basically a walking red flag.

barry may live on the cut, but at least he doesn’t brand himself the king of pogueland.

rafe narrows his eyes at rose before making a split-second decision.

“well, my boyfriend gets off work late, so yeah. i have somewhere to be at nine,” rafe says offhandedly, like it’s no big deal, like everyone already knew he was a massive fruit who’s been on his knees for his local coke dealer for the past six months.

the sounds of silverware clattering onto plates fills the room, and rafe feels ridiculously satisfied with himself for getting a reaction. he loves to see these idiots squirm.

he’d rather see them all choke on rat poison, but barry is insistent that he won’t continue fucking rafe if he goes off and kills his whole family.

barry is lucky rafe loves him, because honestly, not being allowed to murder people who irritate him is kind of a buzzkill.

“you- who- your what?” ward sputters, the first to break the heavy silence.

“my boyfriend,” rafe repeats slowly, enunciating, treating ward like he’s the stupid, petulant child he constantly claims rafe is.

rafe watches ward’s face go from pale, to pink, to violently red. there’s a set to his jaw and rafe just knows ward would give anything to leap across the table and wring rafe’s neck right this very moment.

“no, nope, absolutely not,” ward snaps, furious in his denial. “not my son. no.”

“ward- ” rose starts, but ward cuts her off with a swift wave of his hand.

“do you realize how this will look for us if anyone finds out?” ward spits, holding his fork in a white-knuckle grip.

sarah actually speaks up on rafe’s behalf, which is probably the most shocking reaction rafe has gotten so far.

“dad, come on. it’s 2021,” she says with a sigh, shaking her head. “besides, rafe being gay is probably one of the only good things about him. or, wait, are you bi? or gay?”

sarah questions rafe casually, like this information doesn’t come as any kind of shock to her. rafe makes a mental note to revisit that later, along with her comment about it being one of his only good traits. she’s looking at him almost in earnest, and for a brief moment rafe is transported back to a time when he actually liked his sister.

“not that it’s any of your business,” rafe starts, glancing at her, “but i’m gay. thanks for asking. anyway, like i said, i have somewhere to be, so- ”

“not a big deal?” ward hisses, cutting him off, clearly still stuck on sarah’s surprising defense of rafe’s sexuality. “not a big deal? sarah, it’s- no, see? no. we aren’t talking about this.”

Despite his own declaration, Ward continues, “what about all those girls? all those girls you hung around with? the ones you brought around? you know you can still have them over from time to time. i know we talked about respect and responsibility, but i suppose a man does need to let loose every now and then, and if it’ll help- ”

this time, rafe is the one to cut ward off, not in the mood for his pathetic attempt at bargaining.

“dad. dad. i’m gay,” rafe says firmly. “forget about the girls. it wasn’t what you thought.”

ward opens and closes his mouth several times, trying to form some sort of coherent response. then, he buries his face in his hands, groaning.

“why is it always something with you, rafe?” ward mumbles through his hands, sounding defeated. “can we not just have one day? one day without your life overshadowing everything we’ve worked towards?”

rafe rolls his eyes at ward’s dramatics. “how does me liking dick ruin anything for this family?”

“rafe, wheezie is right here!” rose admonishes. wheezie just chokes on her water, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.

“sorry, wheeze,” rafe tells her, feeling only a little bad. “but i’m just saying. half the guys on figure eight go both ways. it’s seriously not a big deal.”

ward finally looks up at rafe, crossing his arms before staring for a long stretch. long enough that rafe starts to turn to go, itching to get away and back to the one person who doesn’t make him want to rip his hair out.

“fine,” ward finally says just as rafe turns on his heel. “fine. but don’t- don’t expect me to meet him. or like him. and for the love of god, don’t bring him to important events. whoever he is, he’s bound to draw attention.”

that’s very, very true. and rafe has every intention of dragging barry to the next auction or gala or what the fuck ever, clad in one of his stupid sleeveless t-shirts and basketball shorts and his hair in a messy, tangled bun - the whole nine yards.

he’s dying to see the look on ward’s face when he shows up to some black-tie event with barry the cocaine king slash dirty mechanic slash army vet in tow.

“so is that it?” rafe asks, sounding bored even to his own ears. “can i go now?”

ward still looks like he wants to slam his head through the nearest window, but he nods. accepting the truth that rafe has forcibly laid out before him, albeit reluctantly.

rafe nods back, turning and walking away with his hands stuffed in his pockets, whistling a tune that’s far too cheerful given the looks on everyone’s faces as he exits the dining room.

his favorite is ward’s, still looking angry and defeated and resigned to his acceptance of rafe’s preferences all at once. rafe hops onto his motorbike, yanking on his helmet with a smile.

barry will be proud of him, he thinks. not only did he finally come out to his family, but he also didn’t feed them rat poison during the process.

baby steps. he’s taking them one at a time, very carefully, and he thinks that’s something at least.

maybe barry will reward him for his efforts, rafe wonders, just before revving his bike to life and speeding off the property.

rafe deserves a reward, in his own personal opinion. and after all, his opinion is the only one that matters, really.

maybe barry’s, too, but only when it suits rafe. if that happens to be more often than rafe would care to admit, well. that’s between him and Jesus.

the night air is cool as it whips around him, and rafe looks forward to the warmth of barry and his shitty little trailer, not sparing a single thought about the mess he just left in his wake.

rafe presses harder on the gas, heading towards home.

[kidnappedbycartoons]

MC X Relationships

So, I know we love to think that after they leave the villa MC and whoever she is coupled up with live happily ever after with no problems at all. Well, maybe I wanted to choose violence, who knows? Anyway, I wanted to say what problems might arise in each relationship.

Bobby X MC:

-Bobby likes to make jokes. That’s not a problem. But he might either A) take the joke too far and not know when to stop and B) not know the appropriate time to make the joke. This could cause some problems for the two, especially if his jokes offend someone close to MC.

-Bobby’s insecurities could cause some tension in the relationship. He might need a lot of reassurance and might even do things he might not be comfortable with to keep MC happy, which could lead to him having some resentment towards her (And yes, I based this off of the open relationship in CMM because the only way I can see Bobby going along with it is to make MC happy).

-He’s a friendly person, so that’s no problem. But as we see in the villa, Bobby tends to do more for his female friends (Cupcakes for Lottie, comforting Priya after ON) than MC. Once again, this isn’t a problem if your MC wouldn’t mind, but if they do, this could lead to a conversation.

Gary X MC:

-He’s a simple guy. No problem if your MC is too, but if they’re a bit more high-maintenance, this could cause a bit of conflict in lifestyles, especially once y’all move in together.

-Reassurance. Once he’s with someone, he assumes that person knows he’s 100%. But if your MC needs some reassurance (Because everyone will at one point in time), they might have to verbalize that because he might not pick up on it.

-Going off of that last part, he doesn’t pick up on hints. You need to be straightforward with him. Not a huge problem, but in a public situation where MC is trying to subtly tell him they want to leave, it could be a tiny one.

-Communication. I guess this one sums up the last two. He has trouble with communication (Lottie, Hannah, MC). When he’s annoyed by something, he leaves. He doesn’t let anyone know where his head is, which every relationship needs work with.

Noah X MC:

-Non-confrontational. We see this in the game, I don’t even need to explain this. He folds. If MC and he are having a disagreement, he’ll fold to let the problem go which does not solve it at all. It’ll only make it worse.

-He’s a huge family man. Nothing wrong if your MC is too, but he clearly loves his little siblings a lot. I can see him offering his little brother a place to stay if he needs it, but this might cause some problems between him and MC. He’d drop everything for them and this could create tension if he and MC have plans.

-He doesn’t pick up on hints. Once again, you need to be straightforward with him. He won’t be able to guess or know where your head is if you don’t make it clear.

Ibrahim X MC:

-Passive-aggressive. We see this on his route a few times. If MC is probably having a bit too much fun, being a little loud, he won’t say anything, but trust and believe, he’ll make a passive-aggressive comment.

-He likes things to be clean. He’s not a messy fellow. Good if your MC isn’t. But let’s say your MC is an….organized mess. He’ll have a problem with that.

-This is solely based on his route. He might cheat. He went from MC to Shannon to Jo and back to MC way too fast without much care for it. I think the reason why he might not be able to keep a relationship for longer than a few weeks might be because he bounces from one to the other too fast. I can definitely see this causing problems after the villa because of the heightened popularity. He and MC will be on a date or something and a fan will approach and openly flirt with him and he’ll flirt back without thinking.

Marisol X MC:

-She’s a smartass. She’s one of those people that think they’re the smartest in the room and make lowkey condescending and judgemental comments about other’s intelligence. Everyone has their dumb moments, but I can see Marisol making these comments when, for example, MC pushes a pull door.

-We see that she likes to make MC jealous during Casa Amor and, to be honest, I can see her doing that outside the villa. This can cause some problems and lead to an argument about loyalty, trust, and respect. 

-She jumps to assumptions. Yes, I based this one off of her psychoanalysis habit that needs to get kicked. Instead of communicating with MC to figure out what might upset them, she’ll jump to conclusions and her actions will be based on that. And nine times out of ten, she’ll be wrong.

Lucas X MC:

-He needs to chill out sometimes. Remember that day, I think it was before the final, where MC had the option to make a funny face, run their fingers through his hair, and that other option? Every option got a frowny face. Like damn. Sometimes MC might want to have fun, but their ideas of fun will be different.

-Honestly, wholeheartedly, I cannot see him wanting to go out with MC if they don’t look “presentable”. If your MC thinks they’re going to walk out in a onesie, you’re going by yourself. If your MC is wearing a pantsuit from Fashion Nova with your makeup done and hair did, he’ll be by your side. If your MC is high-maintenance, no problem. If not, problem.

-He admits this in the villa. He’s a bit of a jealous person. If your MC is a naturally physically affectionate person, they might have to tone it down a bit for him. But I feel it might be a bit much. Like if someone gives MC a hug that goes on for too long in his eyes, he might have a problem with it. He sees a male or if your MC is bi/pan, a female person talking to them, he’ll become a bit more affectionate with them as if to stake his claim. This could bring an issue into their relationship.

Henrik X MC:

-Henrik appreciates honesty and he’s an honest person himself. Though sometimes, this can cause a problem if he’s not tactful with it. Nothing wrong with honesty, but he might accidentally hurt MC’s feelings.

-He doesn’t like movies. This is just a personal thing for me.

-Fashion sense……….not the best. Let’s be real.

Elisa X MC:

-High maintenance to another level. She wants the champagne dripping and the chandeliers blinging. Here’s the thing. It costs money to do that and if MC is money conscious, this could cause some arguments.

-Struggles with accountability. Yes, this is because of the Gossip Sneezer thing. If she feels she did nothing wrong, she’ll refuse to accept it, even when MC hits her with the facts.

-A YouTuber. Nothing against them, some YouTubers do a good job of keeping their private life and public life separate. But I get the feeling that the camera can become the third person in her and MC’s relationship, especially since it started from the villa. Instagram stories, tweets, YouTube videos, vlogs, and if MC is not comfortable with this, could lead to problems.

Yes. There are positives to the relationship. I can make a post about that. In fact, I think I will. I just wanted to do this first. Don’t hate me.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

I had three options in my head of how tonight’s Serena and Henrik scenes would play out.

Best Case Scenario Option: Henrik admits he loved Gaskell and that he was going to come out for him, but John’s betrayal shoved him back into the closet and made him once again scared to accept his feelings for men. Also, the word “bisexual” actually gets used somewhere.

Middle Case Scenario: Henrik’s feelings for John aren’t addressed directly, but the show also makes it clear he has always known he’s bi deep down and has simply stayed in deep repression/denial because of his trauma from the abuse. Also because he grew up in a very homophobic era, and trained as a doctor during the AIDS crisis (although I wasn’t expecting either of these things to be directly mentioned, and indeed they weren’t, but they don’t really need to be - they’re kind of obvious factors in Henrik having stayed closeted).

Worst Case Scenario: They pulled some “I’ve never felt like this for another man” bullshit.

I hoped for Best Case Scenario, and we got Middle Case Scenario. That’s good enough for me - I was seriously worried they’d try to retcon Henrik’s existing awareness of his bisexuality just to make the parallels with him and Serena stronger. Of course my Johnrik heart still craves some acknowledgement of Gaskell, but this is better than an “I’ve never felt like this for another man”, which would have swept Gaskell and Henrik’s feelings for him (he openly flirted with Gaskell, asked him out at least once, said things like “It’s time people saw you again, John. The real you. Us.”; he KNEW he was in love with him) completely under the rug.

I was really frustrated with the “you don’t need to label it, no one uses labels anymore!” though. Maybe Serena would feel that way. I can buy that. But Henrik wouldn’t. Henrik is absolutely the sort of person who needs to be able to put labels to things, and I’d like to think Serena would know him well enough to know that. There’s no shame in not using labels, Holby, but there’s also no shame in labelling yourself as bisexual. I mean, we’ve never had a scene of anyone telling Dom he doesn’t need a label, have we? He’s allowed to label himself gay, because that’s the sort of thing he’d do. Similarly, Henrik would be the sort of person to want a label too. But suddenly when it’s a bi character we get “you don’t need labels”? Come on, Holby.

I’ll just take that scene as meaning Serena was saying that Henrik doesn’t need to label himself for now. I can see that it would be easier for him simply to approach his relationship with Russ on its own merits first, and then he can start learning how to be comfortable with calling himself bi. There. I’ve fixed it.

And I was very very glad Holby addressed Henrik’s internalised homophobia and how the abuse trauma has led to him repressing and denying his bisexuality. Just the “fuck you” I was hoping for to the people saying this storyline is “implying abuse makes you gay”. As a lesbian myself who experienced abuse/grooming from a woman, I really appreciated how the show outright addressed that queer CSA survivors exist and our trauma isn’t any less valid, and our sexualities aren’t any less valid either. (Also, Guy Henry was brilliant in those scenes, just saying.)

The actual Henruss content was ADORABLE too omg. Russ touching Henrik’s arm at the beginning!!! That scene in the locker room!!! All the flirting!!!

And congratulations to everyone who said “how long have we got to do this dance for, do you think?” was Russ talking about his and Henrik’s relationship. I genuinely believed they’d be talking about the hospital. Nah, Russ just confronted him head on. Yay!!

When Russ said Henrik was being awkward, I was going to say “nah, Henrik’s always awkward” and then Henrik said it himself. I know people have always told me I really get Henrik but... this is on a whole other level. Anyway, Henrik admitting he’s “always awkward” is another line I can put in The “Henrik Hanssen Is Autistic” essay, whenever I get around to finishing that. Heck yeah.

Also, even if Gaskell wasn’t mentioned tonight I fully believe Henrik’s reactions to Serena subtly asking about his feelings for Russ were influenced by Gaskell’s betrayal and how it shoved him back into the closet. I mean, he reacted much better when Essie brought up his feelings for Gaskell in S20E45. Tonight he was back to the kind of denial I’ve always written him as having gone through back in his med school days (ask me sometime about how I think he definitely made out with John on several occasions and they probably slept together at some point, but I also think he would’ve had at least one big “I’m not gay wtf I’m not like you” argument with him at some point...). Ouch. :(

Bernie and Serena were back. That was a thing. I’m not big on Serena but as I say, I enjoyed her scenes with Henrik. And I do really like Bernie. The Berena pairing is pretty cute.

For more dedicated Berena shippers - I’m really happy for all of you. You more than deserved that happy ending after all the shit Holby put them through.

Jemma Redgrave was fabulous tonight, and I liked how they addressed Bernie’s trauma from Cameron. Although that scene where Nicky yelled at her broke my heart :( But it was nice seeing Bernie being in full trauma-surgeon mode again when she helped Kylie!

And that final scene on the roof was sweet. I was also happy to see that Bernie and Serena got to kiss despite social distancing restrictions - makes me very optimistic for Henruss getting to kiss soon...

Donna seemed to have left. Thank goodness, Digital Spy confirmed she hasn’t. I was actually going to start this post with a long rant about how Donna deserves better but then I saw she hasn’t actually left.

So now I’ll just say: Jaye Jacobs was AMAZING tonight. What a talented actress. Shame they wasted her so much throughout her second stint, really.

I don’t have much to say on the Nicky/Jac and Madge/Regina scenes because I was busy paying attention to everything else. I’ll have to rewatch to form proper commentary on them. Madge’s storyline is still a mystery, I see. Belinda Owusu and Rosie Marcel were fantastic. That’s about all I have to say.

Kylie is the gazillionth person to get run over in Holby’s car park. Not much to say on that, either.

Basically, I really liked this episode, even if the Kylie thing annoyed me and I wish Henrik had brought up Gaskell during his scenes with Serena.

And an addendum - I was very glad they didn’t mention Henrik’s abuser by name. Lets me keep pretending the ridiculous Reyhan retcon didn’t happen. Henrik having been abused by a teacher at boarding school makes complete sense, has been foreshadowed from his earliest episodes, and I accept it as canon. Henrik having been abused by Sahira Shah’s dad, however... yeah, no.

[thehmn]

I used to watch my brother play the Metal Gear Solid games and it’s actually really interesting to look at Hideo Kojima’s games in the context of how homosexuality is viewed in Japan.

I’m not going to speculate on Kojima’s own sexuality, I’ll leave that to himself, but his games are famous for being very horny, homoerotic and having a ridiculously high number of bisexual male characters. People will point out that they’re all villains, but that’s just the explicitly bisexual characters. His two main characters, Snake from Metal Gear Solid and Sam from Death Stranding, are also implied to not be straight.

This is where Japanese culture and the extensive lore of Kojima’s works comes in.

Homosexuality is taboo in the west and Japan for different reasons. In the west it’s seen as sinful, but in Japan it’s seen as disruptive. Don’t make a fuss. Don’t call attention to yourself in any way. Don’t mess with the status quo. Most queer people choose not to come out to their families for this reason. And to make matters worse, even if a small majority of Japanese people are in favor of queer people having rights the government is very conservative and it’s even illegal to depict homosexuality positively in some parts of Japan.

So what does Kojima do to appease his government and the culture of his people? He does what people did in Hollywood in the 30’s and make the explicitly bisexual characters villains and make his heroes covertly bisexual.

Kojima always had an interest in sexuality and gender. In high school he wrote a story where all women succumbed to an illness, leaving the men unsure of how to continue. Remember, at the time the majority of women in Japan quit their jobs when they got married and took care of their husband and children. So who was supposed to take care of the house and their sons? Could men just stop craving intimacy or would they have to turn to each other? And how would they make more babies? I’ll get back to that.

One of the most famous scenes in Metal Gear happens when Snake disguise himself as Ivan, the lover of Volgin. Volgin walks up to what he assumed to be his lover and grabs his crotch, looks confused, grabs him again and asks “Who are you? I know the major better than anyone else” Volgin and Ivan are undoubtedly villains, but their love for each other is surprisingly the most human thing about them. If Snake puts on Ivan’s mask during his bossbattle with Volgin, Volgin will hesitate at first, then double his attacks in anger, but also cry because he’s trying to kill a man with his boyfriend’s face.

Snake/Otacon is the most heavily implied relationship in the whole series that hasn’t been confirmed. In the first game Snake could end up with Otacon at the end, and since then they’ve moved in together, raised a child together, talked at length about how they taught each other to love, teased each other about their libido, and the list goes on. They also notably get call-backs to two other canon romantic couples; Raiden and Rosemary when Otacon tells Snake that he won’t be let back inside before he takes a shower (Rosemary wouldn’t let Raiden back in because he got pee on him), and Volgin and Ivan when Otacon says he knows Snake better than anyone else. My point being, Snake and Otacon are very heavily implied to be a bisexual couple.

Then there’s Death Stranding. The game is definitely written by a more mature Kojima who has been hanging out with a lot of Americans. His view of sex and love is more nuanced and he understands that there’s a difference between sexual and romantic orientation. We still got Higgs, a flamboyant villain who acts very predatory and is heavily implied to be bisexual, though never confirmed, and Sam who’s implied to be asexual (he has an Ace of Spades sticker on his bike) and biromantic, and we get our first confirmed good bisexual character, Die-Hardman.

Kojima never got to play around with gender much in Metal Gear Solid, but he made up for that in Death Standing. Remember that story he wrote in high school? We see a lot of inspiration from that here. The solution the men came up with for having healthy babies in the story was to have men carry pods around on their stomachs where the fetus could grow in the most natural way possible.

There’s still women in Death Stranding but there’s a lot of men carrying babies around on their stomachs, men forming family unions, and the main character Sam acts more like a stereotypical mother than father. There’s literally a scene where Deadman puts a hand on Sam’s pod like it’s a pregnant belly and basically asks him “The three of us are a family, aren’t we?”

Sam later tries to give the baby to a woman, Fragile, but she only sees it as babysitting and gives it back, so Sam gives it to Deadman who declares it “our little one”.

By the end of the game the three of them are seen together, depicted as two parents holding their child. Throughout the game people are constantly trying to hug and touch Sam but in the end the only person who gets a hug is Deadman.

It’s also worth noting that in the universe of Death Stranding Sam and Deadman are believed to be a couple before they actually are. Deadman made sure of that so no one would question why they spend so much time together.

There will no doubt be more bisexual men in Kojima’s next game, and I’m curious to see if there’ll be any development in how openly he depictes queer characters. He’s a middle aged man so no matter what his own sexuality might be I don’t expect him to easily shake the expectations of Japanese society off, but he has started hanging out with a lot of Danes, most notably Nicolas Winding Refn who despite making extremely violent movies is very open minded and has, when asked, been very honest about his own sexuality (to spare you the pain of digging though Danish interviews, he’s a straight, slightly bi-curious man with an interest in BDSM, but who’s also satisfied leaving a lot of his fantasies to his imagination because his movies gives him an outlet for a lot of it).

You can see a lot of Scandinavian/Nordic influences in Death Stranding and I’d be surprised if Nicolas didn’t expose Kojima, intentionally or unintentionally, to the Scandinavian view of homosexuality. I can best describe it with a news report I once saw on national television. Parents were worried about a dangerous road that their children had to cross every day to get to school but the government wasn’t doing anything about it. The parents they interviewed were a gay couple but they were treated exactly like any other worried parents. No fuss, no spectacle. Please think of the safety of these parents’ children.

I can imagine that approach would go over very well with a middle aged Japanese man who clearly wants queer people to be able to live happy, fulfilling lives with families and children but doesn’t seem to want to upset his society.

Other people have pointed out that Kojima and Nicolas seem to inspire each other a lot and have taken an interest in each other’s cultures, and Nicolas was the first person to announce publicly that he’d be in Kojima’s next game, so I’m really interested in seeing what that will do, if anything, to how comfortable Kojima is with depicting his queer characters. Something certainly happened once he started socializing with a lot of Americans.

I am of course not saying Kojima is a saint who’s doing everything right, but he is an interesting guy to follow.