#relationship stuff

[worldwidewandress]

the baggage

everyone comes into a relationship with baggage. most people drop it when carrying gets heavy. the right person helps you unpack. goes both ways. the question is - are you ready to unpack?

so you're either gonna trip over each other's stuff or you gonna unpack together. there's no other way. once you're ready for the latter, wash the dirty pieces first, handle them with care, then fold them nicely - in a shared closet.

home is built on all the stuff we carry around heavy trying to shake off or run away from, until we're ready to sit with them, unpack carefully, and eventually decorate our space with.

[mrgrim]

Hot heavy obsessive possessive romantic passionate lustful love. If not, what’s the point.

[foldingfittedsheets]

One of my coworkers at the jewelry store was this lady who vehemently loathed smoking. So much so, that when she and her husband first met he lied and said he wasn’t a smoker because he knew he was batting out of his weight class and didn’t want to fumble her.

But instead of actually quitting smoking when they started dating he embarked on a dedicated campaign to hide his habit. He’d wash his hands and brush his teeth religiously, wearing different clothes when he smoked at work and passing off any smells as a result of being around his coworkers. They got married. They had a kid. He smoked in secret the entire time.

He did this. For s i x t e e n y e a r s. He lied and dissembled with his wife, the mother of his child, the love of his life for sixteen years.

He never came clean. In fact, it was his son who caught him and instantly ran to tell his mother the misdeed. When she furiously confronted him he finally admitted to the lie and she almost divorced him on the spot.

When she told me this she had a vaguely embarassed air as if that were an overreaction and I exclaimed, “Why didn’t you?! If someone was so committed to lying and deceiving you that puts your whole relationship into a different context!��

She frowned slightly and admitted, “We went to therapy about it and the therapist agreed with my husband. He said I was blowing things out of proportion.”

I was outraged that a therapist who is only there to mediate would so blatantly take a side and I told her so. She seemed somewhat heartened but went on to say she’s never fully trusted him since. If he could perpetrate such a long term subterfuge over smoking why not an affair? She could never be sure of him, truly, ever again.

They didn’t get divorced but the rift stayed forever.

[hayatheauthor]

He took what he needed. I should have known it wasn't my heart

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[abolishthefed]

[nightmareevara]

Being so infatuated with each other that you can't see anybody else kind of love.

[worldwidewandress]

her: "why do you leave everyone? why did you let me go?"

him: "maybe because i... i don't believe that it's gonna work, and then i make sure that it doesn't work"

[mrgrim]

[grandpanacea]

I'm feeling really, genuinely loved.

Like. Realistically I know that I am, and always have been. But a few days ago, 10 April, it was my birthday. I woke up to a birthday cornbread that my roommate made for me (one of my absolute favourite of their baked goods). That, combined with their gift to me (given the night before, because schedules) was a delightful start to the day.

Afterwards, my partner sent me a hand made, curated playlist (we both love music) and we talked about the playlist for a bit, and then the plans we had for the day. We met up at Tim Hortons for breakfast (yay second breakfast), where I opened some delightful gifts. We walked around to a couple of those Little Free Libraries (the lil enclosed bookshelves where you can freely give or take books) but came up empty handed. Then we went to the natural history museum for an exhibit on aquatic monsters from pre-dinosaurs to present, which was so damn cool. Then we went to black light mini golf and had the place to ourselves, so we were able to play at our own pace. Of course we then stopped at a bookstore. I finally got a copy of Jurassic Park! We then went for an early dinner and drinks at our favourite spot, then went to a movie to end off the night.

I've never had someone put this much time and energy into planning birthday plans for me. I've never had a partner on my birthday, either. Like, obviously I've had friends plan things for my birthday in the past, but never a full day like this. And none of them ever kissed me afterwards either, heh.

But yeah. I just feel extra loved this year.

[bitchycunt]

"You're so hard to please"

Hugs? Kisses? Late night conversations? Assurance? Commitment? Random calls and face times? Healthy bond and communication? Spending holidays at home while cuddling? Words and actions matching? Promises? Loving each other unconditionally? Soft core intimacy?

[ash-n-dynamite]

To be fair, most hesitate to bring concerns up with their partner because they have fears and insecurities about their partner's potential reaction. Or, they think they are making a big deal out of nothing and worry about needlessly upsetting their partner.

Talk to your partner if anything is bothering you. Relationships need to be transparent. If you are bottling things up and your partner has zero idea, it will inevitably backfire.

If your partner reacts negatively and isn't willing to work with you, or reassure you, then sorry to say they likely aren't the right person for you. Which, that possibility is another reason people avoid bringing up concerns with their partner.

Communication is always key. This is vital for a healthy relationship.

[branches-in-a-flood]

.

Partner posted a lifting video set to Antimatter and he's back up to comp weight and deadlifting 500 lbs and the bar pulls his shorts up just a little to show off the sleep token thigh tattoo that I'm responsible for and I WANT TO BITE HIMAAAARGJGFFHAKSLCJALDJSLDJ

(It is Not Often that I feel particularly dominant (or even vaguely sexual anymore) but him getting that fucking tattoo after our trip sure makes me feel ownership thoughts sometimes godDAMN)

(AND getting this metal snob listening to enough metalcore that he's actually a fan of certain bands is. Hrrghskfkshf)

[expatesque]

Hi S, am in some fairly dire need of guidance and you’re a beacon of wisdom I’ve found. How do you learn to trust your instincts again after you’ve been proven so wrong? I was so sure he was My Person, I have been for so long, and was completely blindsided by us ending. Now I am struggling to trust my own gut feeling again.

Hahahha. Oh babe, I wish I knew. Like, 'had a sob on the phone to my cousin after my first date post the ex' wish I knew. It's been one of the hardest things about this whole thing.

I'll tell you what I've done / what I'm doing, but any experts with experience here please, please chime in.

So I've been working on trusting myself in small ways. Making little promises to myself like 'I'll make my bed everyday' and 'I'll work out four days this week.' Keeping promises to myself about the small stuff has helped rebuild my relationship with myself, and (I hope) will help me to trust myself when it comes to big stuff. But I have to admit, I haven't really put it to the test yet and it's absolutely something that still scares me. So advice is absolutely welcome!

[caw-oticdork]

Hot take: The reason some people keep divorcing (or breaking up) and re-marrying (or getting together) again is that they mistake the feeling of "we're getting along better as friends than we did as a couple" for a sign to try again.

Sources:

My parents, who had a long-term marriage that got toxic but get along as rather good friends now that they're divorced (vindication for teen me who had been suggesting divorce for like ten years)

And my (cousin twice removed or something?) and her husband, who have married like five times, got bitter, divorced, got along, married, things got bitter, and so on and so forth

[worldwidewandress]

and then... you walked into my life and made me see why it never worked out with anyone else ♡