#but part of me feels a little bad that there's like... a “universal trans experience” that's starting to grow

[kaninchen-reblogs]

okay but honestly? big love to all the transfems out there who don't fit the "usual stereotypes" that get tossed around a lot in online spaces.

Straight transfems

Asexual/Aromantic transfems

Sex-repulsed/non-hypersexual transfems

Transfems who aren't good at math

Transfems who aren't good with computers

Transfems who aren't big on gaming

Fat and/or hairy transfems

Transfems who like sports and the outdoors

Transfems who are "mainstream" and don't really do subcultures

Transfems who aren't furries

Neurotypical transfems

And of course, the biggest love to older transfems and transfems of color -- without you, this community wouldn't be here at all.

As a furry transfem gamer nerd who listens to weird music and is neurodivergent as hell, I love seeing all these folks online who are like me -- but I just wanted to post this thingie to make it clear that all transfems (and all trans people in general! I love you too, transmascs!) are deserving of love and appreciation, not just the ones we typically see online, y'know?

[curator-on-ao3]

for the director's cut thing, i would LOVE to hear you talk about the light before dawn! (sorry if you've already done it lol) it's one of my absolute all time favourite pikeuna fics <3

Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Thank you so much, @belannaswlonkderfulworm!! ❤️ That’s so kind of you and deeply meaningful for me. 🥹

To explain: The Light Before Dawn lives in my heart. I started writing that multi-chap during Strange New Worlds’ first season and I think about it often with so much affection. I know fandom wisdom is people don’t like modern AUs, but I wanted to write it anyway. Something about that story just needed to be told.

I began by trying to figure out Una’s secret. I would have liked to have made her in the United States illegally, but then marriage could fix her problem and I didn’t want that pressure on her and Chris’ relationship. I also considered making Una trans, but I don’t feel qualified to write that experience. There was the option of making her a religious or ethnic minority, but then she would hopefully have a community and not be so alone. The idea of genetic engineering correlating to medical device implantation and ableism finally hit me and really resonated.

For Chris, my first idea was that he could be an equine therapist. But that didn’t work out geographically and, once I figured out Una’s secret, I also decided I didn’t want Chris in any kind of medical profession. (That’s why Joseph and Christine are barely in the story.) Making Chris a modern-day peacemaker seemed right.

Once I had the facts straight, the story had one rule — nothing bad could happen during the course of the narrative. This would be a story about emotional recovery from trauma. Even misunderstandings (like the one Una and La’an had) would be in the service of recovery. I feel like that came through, in part because one of the story bookmarks has the note “comfort in words.” I’ll tell you right now that there are times when I’ve had a shitty day, I look at or think about that bookmark and it helps me feel better that my words were able to comfort someone.

All that being said, there was so much I wanted to fit into that story and couldn’t:

I had this idea in my head that when Chris and Vina got divorced, Chris wore brown loafers with tassels to Family Court because he knew Vina hated those shoes … and he felt guilty at doing something so petty, but also free from trying to please her. As Chris made his way down the front steps of the court after the divorce was finalized, he nearly danced on the concrete with the shoes his wife — ex-wife — hated.

Speaking of Vina … there are songs on my fic playlist for Vina, a character who doesn’t even appear except for Chris mentioning her. But I have so many thoughts about Vina’s frustration with Chris, her pain at him pulling away from a life she thought was good. Vina, a financial planner, helps money make more money. She shops at chic stores and pays too much for haircuts. She moved to SoHo after the divorce and doesn’t really enjoy sex with her dates but does it to reassure herself that she’s “normal” and “fun” and “cool” because all of that is so desperately important to her. I hope she snaps out of her need to impress others, I really do, because Vina’s life could be better if she just lived it for herself.

I considered including that in the mornings when Chris’ light didn’t go on that he was at Judge Batel’s place feeling like absolute garbage. But then who discriminated against Una and cost Una her dream? It got too messy so I just left Batel out and I’m glad I did.

I was going to have the kitchen renovation company belong to Hemmer but when the show killed him, I nixed that.

At the last minute, I edited out a part where Una told Chris that when she was little and her parents would drive past the garbage dump, she would get scared they would drop her off there and leave her. But that was just too sad, even in the past.

In the universe of the story, Rukiya 100% lives to be an adult. There is no cygnokemia in New York City. After they read and run around at the park, Joseph and Rukiya go home to Debra and the family plays board games until it’s time for dinner.

In terms of good stuff, I’m really pleased with some of the details in that story — Una’s nail polish bottles, Chris’ Eagle Scout award (the highest award in Boy Scouts), those two discussing leaky scaffolding (a relatable New York City experience), the reveal of what happened to Gabriel Lorca. Also, I know I’m biased, but when Una set the stars at the planetarium to Mojave, California, so she could see what the sky looked like for Chris when he was a child at night, I think that’s so goddamn romantic of her.

I’m less pleased with my decision to have Una’s quick conversation in the mail room be with a nameless neighbor. My original thought was the neighbor could be any one of the Discovery women — Kat Cornwell, Michael Burnham, Phillipa Georgiou, etc. Meh. Then I wrote and deleted a whole section that made clear the neighbor was Christine Chapel. Maybe I should have kept that and removed the fleeting Chapel reference later. I’m not sure.

I stand by the Spirk joke at the end, though.

I also stand by Una not being a model patient. She’s mostly good about things, but she doesn’t always carry her card with her … just like a real person. And I am gleeful that Eagle Scout Mr. Moral Compass Christopher Pike uses the work printer for personal documents because, come on, we all do it.

Oof, I could keep talking about this story but I should stop. Thank you for this absolutely lovely opportunity, @belannaswlonkderfulworm, I’ve enjoyed every second of babbling about my beloved The Light Before Dawn. ❤���

Want more information about a fic I wrote? Send me an ask.

[bisexualseraphim]

Alright fine I’m gonna speak my mind.

My cis followers, listen up:

Being attracted to trans people is not inherently a fetish. The way you speak about trans people CAN be fetishistic, but 99% of the time when I see cis people calling out trans fetishism it’s literally just. Someone being really horny for a trans person. That’s not inherently fetishistic.

Sorry but it actually hurts me a little when I see cis people claim that a content creator is being fetishistic for drawing a trans guy with tits and a pussy, or for writing smut where a trans guy really enjoys using his pussy for sex, or God forbid said trans guy is fem. Trans people like that exist, you know. I myself have a pussy and fuck yes do I want people I’m in a relationship with to be attracted to it. And the same goes for many transfemmes who keep their natal parts, especially butch transfemmes.

Trans people are not a monolith. We don’t all hate our bodies or experience dysphoria or express our genders the same way. I swear to God cis people are all “allies” until a trans man is fem or a trans woman is butch or an enby isn’t androgynous or we actually enjoy our bodies or we have a kink or sexual fetish you don’t like.

Cis people: I know your hearts are in the right place and I appreciate that, but spouting “oh this content is fetishistic and Bad because trans men NEVER like their vaginas and are NEVER feminine” (or something equal to other trans people) is seriously not the allyship you think it is.

There is absolutely a conversation to be had about fetishising trans people — chasers in particular — but it’s quite a bit less black and white than hating certain FICTIONAL portrayals of trans people because these types of trans people exist in real life and we can see what you say about us.

I love my dick and my pussy (because I have both — are you aware we can have both?) but I saw a post today by someone I really like that actually made me feel kind of shit about myself because it was a cis person essentially saying that smut that describes my genitals in any particularly horny light is fetishistic and that really kind of hurt me. It made me feel like people think I’m undesirable due to my body only it was said in some backwards attempt to be an ally which is almost worse than deliberate transphobia lol.

I guess my point is: not all trans people’s feelings and experiences are universal. Call out obvious transphobia when you see it, yes, but please stop speaking for us about complex situations you just can’t fully understand unless you’re trans. Trans identities and experiences can be so much more complicated than what mainstream celebrities and articles will tell you and I just really need cis people to stop behaving as though the issues we face are a quick and easy fix. It never is. Sometimes the best allyship is to listen to how WE feel and take it into consideration instead of saying whatever you think we want you to say — because a lot of the time, we don’t.

[captainmantine00]

Feel like I need to give Steven universe another chance, I feel like I was too harsh on it for many years.

I'll be honest, I never really got into Steven universe, during the time it started airing, I was growing into my "all modern cartoons are dumb" phase due to me beginning to leech of other people's opinions on the internet and thinking what they said was right. Along with me having a very skewed perception of queer people due to being exposed to a lot of really edgy memes as a teenager, although I would be there would be some instances where I've given some shows a chance like star vs., the loud house, and some others that I'm probably not thinking about although I do know that I fell out of watching modern cartoons again out fear of being judged.

that phase of my life would finally go away when I hit my early 20's and overtime I would begin re watching many cartoons I haven't seen in years, from classic cartoons from the 1930's to 1940's and even watching one show in particular that I never saw, that being the 2018 She Ra reboot, A year before watching she ra I began learning a lot and becoming more aware about various issues that queer and other marginalized groups of people were facing and learned to take them much more seriously, I was also trying to heal from a lot of bad personal experiences that I would prefer to not speak about here. watching She Ra was a massive part of my egg cracking phase, it was one of those things that made me realize that I was very fascinated with lesbian/wlw relationships, quite literally cheering for catra and adora to kiss in the lips, which is another thing I did when I first saw princess bubblegum and marceline kiss in the series finale for adventure time back when it came out. The show would inspire me to have a lesbian relationship between two of my original characters, Melanie and Grizzly, something that has stuck to this day.

While writing those two characters, I had a bit of a panic in terms of what my true gender identity was, especially because I began to realize I felt a similar way about myself in a similar way that Grizzly felt about her self, for context, Grizzly is a trans woman, so I ended up spending a couple of months trying to unpack my own identity and trying plenty of labels and rethinking my entire sense of fashion. Thus leading me figure out who I truly am, a non binary trans woman and also a pan lesbian. Which was around 2 years ago. and even with in the span of those two years and even this year, I have changed so much as a person, I've gotten back into so many things that I have suppressed for so many years (examples: Minions and ugly dolls, specifically the original toy line, not the movie) thanks to the encouragement of my own partner who I have happily been in a T4T relationship in for the past year, and within the span of that year, I feel like I've grown so much more rapidly and healed from my past experiences much better since we both fell in love. (also dear if you're reading this I love you so much and I'm going to love you for the rest of my life, you are the best human being I've ever met)

Now you must be wondering what the hell this has to do with Steven universe, basically, what I am trying to say is that with the immense amount of personal growth I've gone through, and how much I've become more comfortable with liking things I was a afraid to for so many years, I feel like Steven universe would be symbolic of that growth I've gone through in a way, that and of course I want to give the show another chance in general, now of course, I am aware that it is far from perfect, but it is something that I've grown to respect for how much it paved to way for LGBT+ representation in animation and just having an overall impact on cartoons that we are still seeing today. That show is basically has the same level of impact that shows like Adventure Time, G4 My Little Pony, and Gravity Falls for how influential it is to the current landscape of cartoons and the community that we see today. Also from what little songs that I've heard from the show, they are really good, especially stronger than you, not only that song is really good, but also it just brings me back to my undertale phase when that game was at the peak of it's popularity.

Okay, I feel like I've said everything I've had to say about steven universe, I not really sure how much the show is going to fully pull me into it, but I still think it's worth a try. Although I do have one more question to ask to those that see this post, has anyone else gone through a similar phase of hating steven universe like I did?

[johannestevans]

Hi, this is the anon who was asking about the afab term stuff 👋

Firstly thanks for the longer explanation, I hope it wasn't too frustrating for you, I really don't mean to bother you, so if this is too many questions feel free to ignore it

Secondly, this has actually kinda explained a couple things about my own experience with the terms, like how people asking if I'm afab/amab (which doesn't really apply to me in a binary/dyadic sense) has always felt a little like someone asking my deadname. So thanks for making me consider that more from a different perspective

Thirdly, my experience from having my identity heavily medicalised (intersex healthcare in the UK is a mess) and from being raised by a doctor is that female sex vs female gender were two separate things, and that one doesn't always correspond to the other. I never really approached the idea that female/male sex weren't useful/real categories because their meanings to me were entirely anatomical definitions of a collection of parts that are usually found together. To me it would be completely the same to refer to them as Sex A and sex B, with the understanding that there are people who fit neither category. Intersex anatomy is often talked about as if its the crossover in a Venn diagram of characteristics, between the two categories of 'male sex' and 'female sex'. For this purpose having those categories for communication purposes, is somewhat helpful, e.g to say that an increase in my testosterone will cause my male characteristics to become more prominent. The categories serve a purpose for communication more than anything else.

If the categories weren't using the words female/male do you think it would be any better of an experience for you? Aka if the terms used to describe them had no relation to any gender identity, but there was still two prominent categories.

Of course I can see the issue with when people assume that you fall exactly into one category or another, so regardless of name/language no number of categories should ever be assumed to be a universal set, but that doesn't mean that the terms don't have positive uses. Our language exists for us to communicate, so if terms to describe a category of anatomical parts help us do that, surely they still have meaning/usefulness?

Nope, don't worry about it, Anon! If anything bothers me so much that I don't want to answer it, I'll say or I'll just delete the ask.

I absolutely think that some people do ask after ASAB because they want to just find out what people "really" are and whatever, have just internalised the whole gender aspect and do think of some trans people as being female (good) and male (bad), and there's so much transmisogyny baked into it, but also just... misanthropy, you know? Like a real distaste for the variety in humanity and a desperate desire to force everyone into particular categories.

The thing about current medicalised perceptions of intersex identities is that there are dozens of so-called "intersex conditions", but we literally have 0 way of knowing how many people are the "pure" standard of female with the exact female anatomy and the "pure" standard of male with the exact male anatomy without like, MRI-ing and later dissecting massive swathes of the population and comparing them all, and we don't do that because people want the male/female divide to exist when like.

It doesn't, not in the way people want to imagine it does.

These are broad categories people have projected onto people, and while I agree that medical professionals knowing someone's physical anatomy is valuable, I actually think that the M/F binary actually is more likely to harm them than otherwise.

Many doctors will meet someone who they assume was AFAB, and therefore they must have all this anatomy, and then they'll just put any abdominal or even chest pain down to their period, on top of not really caring how much pain they're in - and then they won't even check for shit like appendicitis or gut problems or even more significant uterine problems like endometrioisis, but also like... testicular torsion.

I frankly don't agree that "female sex" and "male sex" are genuinely useful categories. They're just weaponised too much for me to believe that - I think we should do away with M/F categorisations on birth certs and medical records, and that doctors should have to fucking, God forbid, examine people to see what their problems are.

I'm so sorry that you've received shitty treatment for intersex medical issues, several of my friends are intersex and experience just roadblock after roadblock - even as a probably dyadic trans dude with a few chronic issues it's just painful to navigate, and I just get pissed off because it's complicated by doctors religious devotion to a cis medical binary that's not nearly as important as they desperately want to believe it is.

[missbaphomet]

Hey like I'm sorry bad things happened to you but these aren't all universal experiences. Girlhood is absolutely not about molestation and abuse. Girlhood isn't about anything other than growing from an infant into an adult, and I don't feel there needs to be any special significance attached. If you were hurt during that time, it's not because "that's what Girlhood is", it's because unfortunately you crossed paths with people willing to do you harm.

Many women, myself included, have never had an issue with being cat called. Even then, this isn't violence.

This is called puberty. I would go as far as saying bleeding through your pants is something every woman on the planet has experienced at least once. This is not violence— it's growing up.

Breast pain during development comes from the fact your breasts are developing. Are you really not familiar with the colloqialism "growing pains"? I promise a teenage boy who is also going through puberty and experiencing all the discomfort and pain that comes with it.is not sending brainwaves that make your boobs hurt.

Girls can and do assault boys in the hallway. A lot of my male friends have stories of being groped or touched inappropriately, as do many of my female friends. I also have friends that have been assaulted by their same sex. This is not a 'women's only' issue.

Also not a universal experience. I have never had a 'rape talk', nor has anyone I've known, even friends of mine that have actually been raped.

What does 'girlhood is invasive' even mean? Are you doing the encroaching, or are you being encroached upon? Is it the mere concept of being a child?

You are not obligated to use tampons, alternate methods exist (pads, period underwear, diva cups, etc). I'm assuming by 'fingers' you are leaning into being sexually assaulted (which again is not an inherent part of being a young girl)? People are going to make comments that make you uncomfortable or upset you, and not all of them are going to be sexual. Self advocate, enforce boundaries, and avoid people that make you uncomfortable.

This isn't part of 'girlhood', this is a symptom of trauma.

There really isn't an easy way to tackle this, because a situation like this has so many moving parts and missing context and there are a million and one different ways this could turn out with one or both parties being in the wrong. However proper sexual education and classes on things like birth control, consent, and self advocacy would solve so many of these cases.

Again, men can and have been also touched and groped inappropriately without their consent. Speculums and doctor's offices are part of being a healthy person. Your obgyn using a speculum during any number of procedures isn't for their own sick sense of pleasure, it's because it is a tool designed to make treatment easier.

This feels like demonizing medical care. I had extremely heavy cycles. It was almost guaranteed I was going to have an iron deficiency each month. I got cysts. Birth control was an option presented to me (that I originally denied, mind you) that I was allowed to choose or not choose. Ultimately birth control has been one of the best decisions I have ever made for my health. If it's not something you want, you don't have to take it. If it doesn't work for you, you don't have to keep taking it. You are not obligated to take any medicine or treatment you don't want to.

Girlhood is a period of time during which you grow up, nothing more.

Girlhood is a period of time during which you grow up, nothing more.

If trans women feel joy in expressing femininity and find happiness in feminine things, then by God I hope they find the spinniest skirt available and spin until they can't stand anymore. I hope they feel comfortable and safe as their most authentic selves.

Stop demonizing growing up. Stop pretending that being a little girl is inherently traumatic. Stop dramatizing being young. This is real life, not a season of Degrassi or Pretty Little Liars or whatever other youth drama.

[todaslocas]

Do you think I want to like Harry Potter? Do you think I want to like something whose success is universally considered a fluke? Do you think I want to like something people say is derivative, bland, and OBJECTIVELY bad, and we only liked because we were dumb kids who had no standards (because OBVIOUSLY kids have no standards)? Do you think I want to like something so problematic? Do you think I want to like something written by someone who HATES me and everything I stand for?

I don’t have a choice. However problematic it is or how “objectively” bad it may be, it meant something to me. I can’t change that. And it really hurts when people say the story is OBJECTIVELY bad, because it implies anyone who likes it is wrong. Do you know how much it pains me that I, a trans woman, still like Harry Potter?

We exist, you know. The trans people who can’t let go of stories that meant something to them. I know in the grand scheme of things this isn’t that big of a problem, “oh no, I got too attached to the problematic wizard story.” But can we just accept that it’s OK if it meant something to people? That all the emotions it made people feel, even if they were just kids (who do have emotions), were real and valid? I can read other stories, sure, but they’re not that story. No two stories create the exact same emotions, and calling it “objectively bad” feels invalidating to those experiences and emotions.

That being said, I had to redo this post because some JKR fan found it and reblogged it. I hate the fact that saying this at all makes me susceptible to it, but it is what it is. So I wanted to add a little section down here just for clarification, and to make sure no TERFs reblog it without having to out themselves with their commentary. For as much as I like Harry Potter, I do NOT support JK Rowling. Holding on to how her books made you feel is not akin to agreeing with ANYTHING she says. I do not support her views, I do not support her financial success, and I do NOT support the problematic political commentary present in her novels. She is not a feminist, she is a bigot. If you want to read Harry Potter (which you should do critically as to not absorb the problematic parts), check it out at the library so she doesn't get any of the money. Or better yet, find the pdf online so you don't support her at all!

[malottie]

1, 6, 12, 39

get asked things, dork (affectionate

welp, get your reading glasses out everyone

1: 3 things that shaped me into who i am

-1: luck. from the classic things like being born in a wealthy western country, being white (not inherently lucky but made me privileged/safer), having a relatively nice familly with no financial struggle, etc, to smaller stuff. like, it's a miracle i was never bullied in school. if it wasn't for that one person, maybe i would've died. i had free access to the internet since i was like 9, and somehow never stumbled on stuff that was inapropriate for my age

i consider myself quite lucky, despite all the hardships

-2: being trans. sorry to the people who think it's cringe when we make it our whole personnality, but it is litteraly so important. so central. i cannot fathom what i would be like if i weren't trans. that's just not the same person

-3: having weird ass parents. by that i mean that they're almost not like parents, more like... people i lived with that cared for me? i of course mean that in the sense that i don't have any special emotional attachment to them and all, but also that it doesn't feel like they raised me because they transmitted so little to me. my way of seeing the world, my hobbies, my fears, my political opinions, my general knowledge, my understanding of myself and others, my skills, i got them from, well, not them. the internet school, my friends, but not my parents. truly, i don't really know these people

6: best and worst part of being online

i've been here most of my life, so all the bad is just part of it. yes, that's where all the haters are. sure, all of the horrible things in existence can be found here. but that's also where my friends are. that's where community is. that's my only way of accessing at least 50% of what makes me happy. it has taught me so much about the world and myself, has held so many fulfilling experiences for me

if i had to choose 1 worst, i'd say transmisoginy i guess? i dunno, girl, i'm not even popular enough to get hate mail

12: a piece of advice i'd like to give

like i said in a previous post of mine i'm just 18. i'm like a baby. i feel like the least qualified person on earth to be giving advice. but i'll say one thing: advices are kinda bullshit. in essence they're opinions you think will be helpfull to someone else. but in my experience, they rarely are, especially when talking about life choices, mental health and the such. i watched hundreds of hours of self help videos, listened to people, went to therapy, and i felt like a fucking moron. i knew all the things, i had the advice, but it wasn't working. in the end, what helped me crawl out of the pit is time, love, and a bunch of stuff i'll never know about. find what works for you and ditch what doesn't; it's not because a piece of advice is true that it is helpful. searching for your solution will probably work better than just trying to apply the solutions others found

39: a youtuber i'm obssessed with

hard and specific

brennan lee mulligan? absolutely obssessed. a youtuber? not really

thegreatreview (he's french)? amazing youtuber. so fucking talented. obssessed? not really

dougdoug? obssessed by his entire cinematic universe for a while now. a youtuber? maybe 50%? it's all twitch streams highlights

john and hank green? ok i'll stop there

let's settle for brian david gilbert then, the man so nice they named him thrice. please buy his bed.

most well known for his Unravelled series on Polygon's channel, like the one about the sonic bible or the one about the smash bros osha violations, his personnal stuff is simply perfect, sometimes whimsical, like "i wish that i could wear hats" or "Pumpkin Cowboy", sometimes horrifying, like the one about the american healthcare system or "Teaching Jake about the Camcorder, Jan '97", often a mix of both, like "we like watching birds" or "earn $20K EACH MONTH by being your own boss". his comedic genius is at its best when it is also at its weirdest. he's also the guy who made the sibling dance song, i guess

[riverofrainbows]

I get kind of really annoyed with how much some people focus on and how much they ascribe to "female socialization", as well as how universal they apply it, especially in regards to trans men and transmasc people.

I do think that there is some aspects worth discussing of this, but like i said not in the way these people do it.

"Ooh everyone who is afab has these same experiences, we all know how it feels to (be harrassed, be catcalled, have our clothes policed, be told we're not as capable, etc)"

And like yeah probably a lot of people that are perceived as women have some of these experiences. Sexism and misogyny do exist.

But not all of us? And not all experiences? And while we're at it, not all trans men/trans masc people even grew up perceived as women if they came out as a child.

And they always take it to the next step that therefore all afab people share this communal trauma of men, which is where the radical feminism and terf ideology comes in.

This also relies on the assumption that all "female socialization" and "afab experience" is shaped by misogyny perpetuated by men. A lot of misogyny is perpetuated by women (for example the rampant diet culture that is especially put onto children perceived and raised as girls). A lot of strict gender roles for girls and boys are enforced by women, since the majority of child rearing is still done by women. Sure more men are misogynistic, and it's more often men who perpetuate street harrassment, yes. But that is not the only part of daily life.

And the next part is the assertion that "female socialization" that is put onto a transmasc person is then also internalised by that person. If you hear "girls should do this" but you know you're not a girl, you will not internalise it the same way a girl will. There is a bunch of gendered messaging that people will subconsciously absorb in some way, and yes how someone is treated in daily life affects them, but trans people will always have a different experience than peers assigned the same gender at birth, and even cis kids will have, sometimes strongly, varying life experiences. The middle class christian white cis het able-bodied neurotypical female experience that terfs and radfems trout as universal doesn't exist, neither for all women nor afab people, nor at all.

And whenever they try to draw on that supposed "universal trauma of men" to spread their ideology, to shape discussions and claim certain transphobic statements, it really stands out as odd to me because the emotional manipulation through reminding people of trauma or bad experiences they had doesn't work on me, so the base for their following argument doesn't exist.

I have had very little bad gendered experiences in my life. And i know i am somewhat just statistically lucky, because i know it does happen to people I'm not denying that. But i have very little negative impact of that proposed "female socialization", nor much of such a socialisation at all. And not in a tomboy 'my father taught me how to repair cars' way, i did learn how social rules apply to me while i move through the world perceived as a woman/girl and my parents also gave me information on that. But i never had much of what is usually claimed as part of growing up as an afab person. My parents never put gendered expectations on me. Never restricted my food, or forced me on a diet. Never policed my clothing, never policed even the style of clothing. When i started to dress masculinely after i realised i am trans, they never bat an eye even before coming out. They gifted me whatever was on my wishlist, both feminine stuff and remote controlled race cars (and mostly books). I have never been told i am less capable of anything, i actually always heard, from everywhere, that girls can be whatever they want, and that you can be a girl however way you want (and i never heard similar messaging aimed at boys in the scope of gendered messaging i witnessed. I was aware of sexism and that that's why it was especially aimed at girls, but i never heard any of that supposed already plentiful messaging directly told to boys my age). Our period products are and were always out in the open, my father was never weird about it and went with me to my first gynaecologist appointment. I would walk through the apartment half dressed in underwear to ask him to close my dresses. I never had many bad experiences with boys growing up, mostly because i also didn't know any boys; I went to an all girls school, i didn't have any friends so that included boys, i mostly just read books (and my parents never policed or even commented on what books i was reading. My father also recommended me his favourite scifi books, since i always loved fantasy and scifi). Most bad experiences growing up were with girls, through bullying and the girls in school finding me weird due to my autism and because i wasn't really girly or easily connected through girl experiences (i also thought I had internalised misogyny when it was just dysphoria). Most medical bad experiences were with female doctors and medical personnel, including two female gynaecologists. I have had a gross sexual comment made to me twice in my whole life. I never had a bad experience while dating because i have never dated anyone. The closest i have come to dating i did not have any particularly bad gendered experiences, nor really bad ones at all, just awkward experiences.

What i am trying to say with this is that i never experienced "the communal afab trauma" and i know that terfs and radfems are full of shit and purposefully ignore intersectionality and nuance, as well as don't actually care about women.

I did notice and experience some negative effects of sexism and misogyny in societal messaging, like the oversexualisation of female characters, awareness of gender stereotypes and strict gender roles, also i recently noticed i always buy tight or even slightly too tight clothing due to the way womens clothes affected me (that i wore until a few years ago). I am also acutely aware of the gender disparity in healthcare and medical research that is absolutely appalling. I am a feminist and I know that sexism and misogyny exist (and affect others often more than me) and i advocate against it wherever it's possible for me to do so. But i do not share some universal female/afab experience and most definitely not some "female socialization" the way terfs and radfems and those who are sipping the radfems juice claim the world works and try fo force onto trans people (especially transmasc people) in order to perpetuate transphobia of all kinds.

(because in the same vein, some mystical "male socialisation" does not apply to trans women and transfem people in the way terfs and radfems claim, nor does it exist the way they claim it to)

[honorbright]

Hi! I'd like to hear about the atticwife Hickey fic and the t4t Goodsilna fic?

hehe...so the atticwife hickeysir is a post rescue fic (i haven't quite figured out how many people came back, but probably either just before or just after carnivale) where goodsir finds hickey by chance while he's in england for naturalist stuff, and he decides on a whim to effectively kidnap him lmao. he justifies this to himself as a sort of experiment to see if he can "civilize" hickey by making him into an obedient, upper-class housewife (in-universe the explanation is that he doesn't want people to recognize that it's another person from the expedition, and there's a bit of gossip about whether or not he's married so he might as well end that too), or if hickey is just naturally a Bad Person. there's a lot of classism from goodsir particularly in how he sets this up (which lbr is probably closer to how he actually felt about poor people) so i feel like it'll be nice for me to explore and amplify his fucked up side (also force fem is fun 😌)

by contrast the t4t goodsilna is way less fucked up ethically speaking, but there is going to be hurt/comfort considering they're both gonna be processing a lot of shit...it starts out in ep 8 where instead of them parting ways after going to where hickey + co massacred the netsilik family, goodsir decides to leave with her instead (after giving crozier permission to use his testimony of jirv being fed by the family). after that him and silna go back to her home, and while this is a Little more vague they eventually get married, realize that the other is trans (this is about where that smut excerpt i posted takes place), and have kids together. i promise i only made them both trans partially so i can get goodsir pregnant for the fiftieth time but at least it's not fully focused on the porn now

[nova-ayashi]

The Problem with Bluesky

So, I've been struggling with my anger over this for a week or so, and instead of a one-off post, I'm going to use Tumblr for what it was originally intended, and I'm going to write a blog post.

Yup. A whole-ass blog of a post.

Since Musk farted up and destroyed Twitter, there's been a huge influx to Threads and Bluesky (or, at least, for those who can get invite codes). Threads has been a mild experience, and I haven't seen very many trolls, or people with so much delusion that they see themselves as site-wide moderators.

You've probably guessed, in that latter statement, that I'm referencing Bluesky.

In the interest of keeping people with PTSD and other neurological issues safe, I will be mentioning these people by the names they use on bsky.app.

A little over a week ago, one of the handful of trans women I follow on Bluesky was trying to find more trans people to follow. A normal thing to do, since that's a practice we all see a lot of the time. The community is sometimes hard to scrape together.

Bennie (@bennie.gay) was someone I started following from the beginning. I thought she was kinda cool, despite the participation in the pollution of the timelines with senseless shitposting, as if we're all hanging out on Something Awful still, in the year 2023.

Previously, Bennie had been posting about not having enough money for food, and struggling, and this is how I came into contact with her. I gave her around twenty-five bucks with no expectations about it, so that she could feed herself. I don't say this as a way to say, "Man, this shouldn't have happened, I gave her money!" but more as a way to say, this person does not care at all about any of the people around her, even if said people do care.

Now we'll fast-forward back to the part I mentioned about Bennie making a post in an attempt to wrangle up other trans people. It wasn't the fact that she posted asking to find more trans people, or trans women specifically, it was that her post solicited other trans women by calling every single one of them "trannies."

As someone with a large background in dealing with hate, discrimination, being slurred, being accosted, being threatened, losing friends, losing jobs, being completely alone and to myself for years at a time, etc, etc. This isn't really something that's easy for me to see, let alone type in a long-winded explanation about why Bluesky is bad, and what's wrong with its biggest accounts.

Seeing this set my brain into a kind of panic, scorched Earth sort of mode, as it does, when you have specific neurological issues related to abuse and trauma. In as kind a way as I could muster, I told Bennie that maybe she shouldn't be posting actual slurs like this directly onto the timeline without any warning.

Enter: Backlash, lack of empathy, and "You can't police the words I use to identify myself with! We've reclaimed tranny! It's not bad anymore!"

I want to say that I've been dealing with people like this for a very long time, and when you come at me with this kind of extreme narcissism, and inability to sympathize, or empathize with those around you, it pisses me off. It makes me blood-curdling angry.

(See: the saga I was involved in being manipulated by Laurelai Bailey and threatened should I ever speak out against her)

It makes me even more angry, when your followers, or what I would call sycophants, come into my notifications to essentially tell me that my feelings don't matter, that I'm alone, and I have to deal with everything on my own, and nobody cares.

I don't know if these people decided that they're all incapable of empathy over my current state of not transitioning due to numerous life situations I happen to be in, or simply because I said, "Hey, maybe we shouldn't put this on the timeline without warning."

I could go into a whole spiel about how reclaiming slurs is a personal endeavor and it is never universal, you can never speak for millions of people, but that's a whole other point. A point that, if you don't understand in 2023, I'm just going to automatically assume that you're dangerous.

I told a few of her rabid followers to "Fuck off," or "Shut the fuck up," and then I blocked every single one of them.

But that wasn't the end of this. This is where the bad part of Bluesky comes in.

On Bluesky, you have the ability to craft public mute lists, lists that are available for everyone to see on your profile. And on this website, one specific trans community large-account-holder has somehow made a name for herself as some kind of pretend community moderator ... on a Twitter clone.

This might not seem bad just from that statement, because more social media websites could use a trans person as a moderator.

But it goes deeper than that.

Bennie and Kairi (@estrogenempress.gay) are involved with each other. To what extent, I don't know, and I don't care. Kairi runs multiple mute lists that many, many people subscribe to. Lists that describe themselves as lists for people who "scared the hoes," or "people with weird vibes" or just nasty people in-general.

Yes, I saw Bennie begging Kairi to put me on her mute lists. Her trans community, massive-following mute lists that got her interviewed by large tech media magazines.

This is the important part of my whole entire novel length rant: Public mute lists that can be subscribed to by complete strangers, without proper vetting, and much like the Blockbot of Twitter-past, are prone to abuse, in which they are often used to silence innocent people. Used to silence innocent people by malevolent agitators with an agenda.

I have spent years dealing with people like this, being silenced, denied any kind of platform, and largely due-in-part that I don't take bullshit, I have trauma that I deal with, and it's not unreasonable to ask someone not to put very real slurs in front of all of their follower's faces without warning. Whether they're using an offensive, violent slur as an identity marker, or not.

I used to feel this way about "queer," but I've come around on that topic. "Tranny" on the other hand serves no purpose other than to dehumanize, and it has been used against me numerous times while I was still actively able to transition. And I have a lot of trauma. No, that isn't her fault, or Kairi's fault, but it is their fault if they're not willing to listen, not willing to empathize, not willing to move even an inch on anything, and would rather resort to literal abuse.

But that's what you get when random people are allowed any modicum of "power" whatsoever.

And that's why, when all the dust settles, Bluesky will very likely not make the cut.

I would rather spend the next 10 years rebuilding my audience for my work on Threads, than struggle with disingenuous manipulators out to silence anyone and everyone who even so much as slightly disagrees with them.

And, if you're curious, these are the mute lists I've been subjected to, because I asked a random trans woman with a lot of followers to please not put "tranny" in my face.

[semper-legens]

170. The Shadow Cabinet, by Juno Dawson

Owned: No, library Page count: 504 My summary: Her Majesty's Royal Coven is still dealing with the aftermath of the downfall of their previous leader. But all is not well in the county of Yorkshire. Leonie's brother is missing, probably gone after evil warlock Dabney Hale. Elle's husband is acting very strangely. Theo struggles to fit into school, between being a witch and being a trans girl. And Niamh Kelly is not who she seems... My rating: 3.5/5 My commentary:

Ah, back to Her Majesty's Royal Coven. This is the second book in Juno Dawson's first series for adult readers, and though I am very much enamoured with her writing when it comes to YA fiction, HMRC left me a bit cold the first time I read it. I've discussed it with a friend (herself a trans woman) since, and she hit the nail on the head with her commentary - while she didn't think it was a bad book per se, she was disappointed at how it was aimed more at middle-aged cis women with book clubs than trans women. Trans women don't get so much fiction that is aimed specifically at them, after all. And I agree with her on this - a lot of Dawson's writing in this series trends towards what I call the 'baby's first' style of writing. By that, I mean that it introduces a social issue, but in a way that is meant to be for people who have absolutely no prior knowledge of or experience with that social issue. In this case, it's a combo of baby's first trans teenager and baby's first systemic oppression. None of this is by necessity bad. It's just not quite what I was expecting or looking for.

So yeah, as previously mentioned, the main protagonists of this book are middle-aged cis women, though trans teenager Theo does get some point of view time and her own B plot. This isn't necessarily meant to be a book about transness, but as I said, I'm still left a little disappointed by the lack of trans characters. That said, this book introduces an intersex witch who helps Leonie in her quest to find big bad Dabney Hale and her brother Radley, so that's an interesting addition at least. But for all I have complained about the focus being on said middle-aged cis women, it isn't as though Dawson writes them badly. On the contrary, she manages to perfectly walk the line of universality (everyone knows a woman who acts like at least one of these women) and specificity, where her characters still feel like full people with lives and stories that aren't just meant to be blandly relatable. Reading about them is fun! I particularly like housewife Elle, who learns of her husband's infidelity and winds up unlocking a part of her and a power that she wasn't aware of previously. It's an interesting idea and I want to see where it's going.

But the politics of this book are very baby's first. I get it, when you're writing about issues like women's rights and trans identity, particularly transfeminine identity, in a modern setting then there's no reason why your characters can't be spouting the modern social justice terminology when they talk about it. I just think that the messaging with the politics of the book was a little too clear-cut and unsubtle. I would have liked a little more ambiguity, and perhaps for the characters to not always talk like internet teens sometimes. At its worst, it just came across as clunky and obvious, and that's the kind of thing you really want to avoid in a book with these sorts of messages.

Like I said, the characters in this novel are engaging. Ciara is one of our main point of view characters, the sister of Niamh who took over her body and is now masquerading as her. The heel-face turn she is slowly making, plus her attempts to piece together her past and understand who she really is, are engaging, and her voice is a fun one to play with. Poor Theo gets a subplot where she is coming to terms with her magic and her transformation after the last book which raises some interesting ideas about dysphoria, identity, and gender as well as being really endearing. Leonie's determination in her quest to find her brother is strong, and Elle's more domestic problems are a slow tragedy that is nonetheless interesting to see unfold. I'm probably gonna end up reading the next book in this series when it comes out. I do still really like Dawson's writing. I'm just a little disappointed that this story could have been a lot more complex than it is.

Next up, back to CHERUB, as a plane crashes into the ocean.

[c0rpseductor]

julia serano is so fucking cool.

i need to go to bed soon but i just read her blogspot post about the T-word and the history of its use in parts of the community and how that reflects other linguistic trends in activism and it was really good. honestly i think it should be required reading bc the longer ive thought about slur reclamation discourse and general language discourse on this website and to some degree in general the more i feel like it's lacking this kind of nuance.

it was particularly interesting to see queer as a word mentioned in this article as an example of universally accepted language given the FIERCE debate about it recently (which i've personally really ricocheted positions around the past few years). and also to sort of reflect on my own personal experience where i've kind of resented other people for using fag/faggot too flippantly in the past and felt like it should really Never Be Uttered except in very narrow contexts, but feel a little differently about it now that i've personally tried to make room for it as a positive or affectionately teasing term rather than a pejorative (of course only applying to myself and people i know are okay with that language). i also understand completely why a lot of people do still have such negative feelings about those words, because i used to feel that exact same way and there are still circumstances where the use of queer or fag kind of make me cringe even within the community.

like actual reclamation of language like this can be an important personal identifier and very affirming and healing for a lot of people and i certainly feel like i'm a lot more confident and at ease being able to do that myself. and it's very difficult, if not impossible, to reach a linguistic consensus that will please everyone. obviously that doesn't make the solution "so disregard any and all concerns anyone has around you about slurs or language in general" but like, it seems like there isn't necessarily any easy or clear-cut answer regarding whether or not a given word is inherently bad in every context for all eternity.

also as another personal aside i understand on an intellectual level the impulse to use the t slur as an identifier that other trans guys espouse bc as serano points out i HAVE seen it occasionally lobbed at trans men as well. but like...man it just makes me extremely uncomfortable, it feels so flippant and inconsiderate of tma people who are ACTUAL targets of the slur at best and at worst like, really entitled and transmisogynistic. i don't like it. i feel like there's a subset of trans men who are really desperate to make everything about ourselves even when it has absolutely nothing to do with us whatsoever and who espouse a complete inability to stop talking and listen to another human being and this is like a prime example of that to me, is other young trans guys who think "yeah this is definitely my word to toss around carelessly." sometimes shutting the fuck up is a virtue.

[deusexlachina]

What makes a story “trans“to me

It bugs me how trans stories are often subsumed under “gender bender” stuff in online archives.

There is overlap in speculative fiction, and the distinction is often arbitrary (hence the problem!), but the distinction I make is this:

Trans stories necessarily involve some type or level of self-determining gender. Gender bender stories are generally predicated around the fantasy of transitioning without culpability.

By transitioning without culpability, I mean the attitude of: “ah well, the protagonist has been Turned Into A Girl. Guess they have to change their name and presentation. It’d be weird not to, right?” The most dramatic part of their transition is Not Their Fault.

When you’re a kid and new to This Whole Transgender Thing, that can be appealing - maybe more appealing than what transition is actually like. But it has so little in common with - I think it’s fair to say - any actual trans experience that it feels dishonest, and gets less engaging the older I get. It’s like the McDonald’s of transgender themes.

I don’t think it’s necessarily bad, as long as some thought is put into it (and something differentiates it from the hundreds of other wish fulfillment stories). I also don’t think trans stories have to be gritty or even serious. But they do have to involve, at minimum, a character with their own ideas about their gender.

Dreadnought is an interesting example because has superficial Gender Bender elements, but makes very clear that Dani’s transformation into a pretty superhero was based on her own desires, and (more importantly) she actively resists attempts to detransition her. So she takes culpability. There’s some things I don’t think it handled well, but that central element was very interesting.

Definitely don’t think my taxonomy is the universal or even common one. (It works for me, though!) Interested to look into other ways people classify trans stories.

[maxemilianverstappen]

Why is a/b/o so popular in f1 fandom and fanfic? I’m proper amazed that of all the tropes that could be popular in F1 RPF, it’s alpha/beta/omega.

I mean, it is a great trope. But why is it so popular in the millionaires driving super fast cars around circuits fandom?

I have a few theories about it, some of which are not that palatable (and actually quite dark) to the random reader who is just there to enjoy the sexy times:

Firstly, I must say I am just a random literature grad who also enjoys scrutinizing the darkest parts of the human mind that's explored in literature. I must I also live for angst, hurt/comfort, controversy, and conflict created thru ambiguous moral stances and choices. I like depravity.

- There is a clear cut almost cast like system based on power (im)balance set around sex and reproduction in the a/b/o universe.

Young people can yap about equality and sexual rights and all that stuff day in an out, but they also highly enjoy sexual fantasies literally based on inequality even tho this trope doesn't pay much attention to the gender. It literally uses and reflects all the problems of heteronormative systems upon the characters, to the point of writing the omega characters with all the bad stereotypes attached to the "female experince". They call this universe their "guilty pleasure" because of this. And the haters of the trope are mainly giving this as their reason to hate the trope.

True, there are abo works that do not dabble in the power play and power politics of the system at all, just choosing to focus on the kinky aspects of it like biting/marking, knotting, possessive and/or rough sex (sometimes dubious consent and even nonconsent) and breeding and nesting. But even then, when you read the fic, you can clearly see some character stereotypes (that ppl look down upon) of the trope are used, if not many of them. And I am talking about the stereotyping that helps the author write a more feminine male character or a more manly female character. In a way that's acceptable and actually sought for in a society that values/calls for it. (Come to think of it, even breeding and marking as kinks have all the iks that would tick a feminist's hate list)

It is weird in a way that while a Trans leaning or gay person might feel themselves very at home in this universe at the first glance (because gender is not as important as the fact that you either have a self lubricating asshole/fertile womb or a knotting monster penis), this universe is also heavily oppressive, divided by power gained thru the biological lottery and expects you to obey its structure based solely on the way if you are an Omega and Alpha or a Beta and heavily punishes you if you are an outlier or a rebel.

There are works that solely explore the sexual opportunities of the trope, and I am not reading them at all because, as I said, I live for conflict and angst and deprivation. And you can only find it in the fics that also try to deal with the power structure of this universe.

Putting these relatively rich, famous and very handsome and fit men into this universe might have its allure in the fact that:

-some lgbtqa+ fans identify themselves with a driver and want to express/explore their identity by putting their little guy thru situations in which gender is meaningless and yet

a) he can't control, or

b) he can control fully

and have a sense of completion and experience the wild emotions and the second hand sexual gratification in a safer and sane way without all the guilt/embarrassment and power play attached.

Let me talk bluntly. Writing about r*pe, writing about sex pollen or aliens made them do it kinda tropes lets you experience a highly controversial and/or traumatic situation in a sterile way and also with a person (driver) whom you have an emotional connection with (albeit one sided) and possible attraction to. Writing/reading about a Charles being in painful heat and an alpha Max stumbling upon him like that and them having a dubious consent/forceful but wild hot sex might not be everyone up of tea, but it certainly is fucking popular. Because people have fantasies of being stripped of their consciense/choice/agency/mind/guilt and just have monkey sex with no strings attached or without any severe consequences, with a highly attractive person who desires them to the point of delirium. Easy.

Or they can work out their trauma of being stripped of their free will/decision/power (not necessarily just sexually) by making their little meow meow go thru a sexual situation which is not acceptable in any way or form by our own society/morality, but almost natural/acceptable or easier to come to terms with/reconcile with situation in the abo universe, so that they can find some form of resolution and reconciliation with their own feelings.

Or there is this thing about stripping a male athlete of his power and agency (generally the one you don't like) who reeks of power and testosterone irl, and casting him into a nonsavioury female experince without having to turn him female (and having to deal with female anatomy -which also implies an underlying self hate/disgust?) and punish him or humble him with the monster dick of your favorite driver. In a way that's sexier and more readable than outright making his girlfriend peg him until he bleeds. Hmmmm....

Or, people just like reading/writing about the melodrama and conflict that this power imbalance and cast system creates with the bonus of sexy times with all the kinks that they can shove into it.

Nevertheless, I don't like boys with "cunts" (ewww the term) in my fics and I can't suspend my disbelief while reading mpreg, so I am unable to fully enjoy the "having a child" experience of the couple in the fic, but truly.... A well written abo fic is an experience and an eye opener.

[transmascissues]

every day i think about how my old psychiatrist (who was notoriously horrible on many levels, to be clear) tried to convince me to stay on the antidepressants i was coming off of when i told her i was starting testosterone because she was convinced that i’d be incapable of handling the “intense mood swings” that she said it would cause if i was unmedicated

mind you, i was coming off of these meds because they were doing absolutely fucking nothing for me and she had fought me on stopping them every step of the way — in her mind, me starting t was the perfect chance to make one final (transphobic) push against my desire to stop putting completely pointless drugs in my body

she consistently referred to hrt as me “going on steroids” and told me with every ounce of condescending concern she could muster that she had never had a patient start t without being on antidepressants (as if i was supposed to see that fact as anything other than further proof that her main goal as a psychiatrist was just to make as much money as possible by pushing meds on people)

i tried to explain to her that countless trans people i’d talked to had said that being on t made them feel more emotionally stable, not less, and that i had already chosen a method of hrt that would minimize hormonal fluctuations as much as possible, but she wouldn’t believe me — there’s no question in my mind that she just saw me as a ~naive little girl who didn’t understand how testosterone could make my life hell~

and of course, my mom jumped on that idea and started telling me about how it’s not that she doesn’t like that i’m trans, it’s just that she’s ~so worried~ about what the ~big bad testosterone~ might to to my ~poor fragile mental health~

and when i started t, i was terrified that they would be proven right

now i’m 5 months on t (and a few months post-ending that doctor-patient relationship as well) and what do you know? my mood is better than ever! my therapist (who has known me far longer and actually cares about my well-being) says she’s never seen me this happy, and that she feels like i’m actually living for the first time! it’s been incredible!

in fact, i’ve come to the realization that i most likely had premenstrual dysphoric disorder before t, and that it was contributing to a huge percentage of my mental breakdowns and suicidal thoughts, so it seems there were hormones causing mood swings that i couldn’t handle without proper treatment after all, but testosterone isn’t the cause of those issues — turns out it’s the treatment i desperately needed to manage them!

and after some research and hearing from other people, i’ve learned that it wasn’t all anecdotal after all, because some studies have actually found evidence to support the idea that testosterone has antidepressant effects — i told my therapist that testosterone felt the way the antidepressants i had been on were supposed to feel, but i had no clue there was science to back that up

so now i’m just left being endlessly furious with the way testosterone is demonized as some horrible poisonous drug that will destroy your mental health along with everything else in your life, because being on it has improved my quality of life exponentially and that alone makes being on it SO worthwhile, but no one ever gets to see that side of being on t because they’re so busy drumming up fear about how it’ll wreck your moods instead

of course, that’s not to say some people don’t experience serious mood swings on t, because i would never deny someone else’s experience with their own body and mind, and i think it’s important that people know those effects are possible when they start t

what i AM saying is that i would guess that if you looked at pure numbers, more people have probably had a really positive experience like mine than a seriously negative one, and it’s very telling that the negative ones are portrayed as a universal part of being on t despite seemingly being a smaller percentage when you actually talk to lots of trans people, while the positive ones are portrayed as a fluke at best and impossible or even deceptive at worst despite being a really common theme in trans people’s accounts of being on t

testosterone is medicine. testosterone is healing.

it doesn’t solve all our problems — i’m certainly far from cured of all my mental health issues — but it sure as hell lightens the load, and i’m sick and tired of people acting like it’s a horrible thing and not the fucking miracle worker that it is for some of us