#but still i totally don't view them as the assholes

[cluescorner]

Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:

Steph (25):

Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)

Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)

Her worst trait really is her spitefulness

Cass (26)

Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.) 

Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness. 

Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)

Tim (24)

Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)

Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)

His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)

Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)

Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this). 

Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)

His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)

Dick (17) 

Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)

Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)

His worst trait actually is his anger issues.

Barbara (18)

Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)  

Thinks her worst trait is her disability 

Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)

Damian (16)

Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)

Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism 

His worst trait actually is his perfectionism

Duke (16)

Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)

Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)

His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words

Jason (14)

Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne). 

Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)

His worst trait actually is his reactiveness

[taintedcigs]

thinking abt modern!ex!eddie bc why not?

warnings: minors dni, p in v, full on smut, finger sucking, ex!mean!eddie, degradation, kind of praising, rough se* and some nicknames. no use of y/n.

"couldn't stay away from me for one fuckin' second, could you?" he grinned, pressing you harder against the cold surface of the sink. fancy soaps and lotions in the harrington household shaking with how rough he was being.

"don't fuckin' flatter yourself, asshole, you came to me first," you barely let out between your mewls, still holding your pride but your cunt clamping around his cock was telling him otherwise.

"and was i the one beggin' to have my cock inside of you? what was it that you said again? 'that you missed my big cock' or do you want me to read the text out loud?" he hissed, one hand letting go of the tight hold he had on you, reaching down to the pocket of his jeans, ready to pull out his phone.

"n-no!" you cried out, face flushed with embarrassment, he was right, you couldn't quit him. even if you wanted to.

"what, that boy toy isn't doin' it for ya?" he mocked, bending you further to get a better view of your ass, relishing in the way you moaned for him.

"can't make you cum like i can, isn't that right?" he barked out a laugh, mean, all biting, making you roll your eyes, both from pleasure and from him being a total pain in your ass.

"f-fuck you," your words mashed together, his cock hitting spots inside of you that you didn't even know fucking existed. he might have been shit at relationships, but fuck was he good at this.

"oh, i will fuck you alright, sweetheart," he grinned, his hips slamming harder into you, making you cry out in pleasure.

"by the time i'm done with you, you won't even remember that asshole's name," he growled against your ear, sticking his tongue out to lick from your throat to the shell of your ear, leaving goosebumps in its trail.

"you're a fucking jerk," you hissed back, tears prickling at your eyes with how deep he was inside of you, making you feel everything.

"so ungrateful," he tutted, "if you don't shut the fuck up sweetheart, you won't get to cum," he warned with a grin, meeting your gaze in the mirror, his damn smirk so alluring, and you knew he meant it too.

you wanted to open your mouth, defy him further, show him that you weren't wrapped around his finger, but you totally were, and you've been depraved ever since you last saw him. he was like a sickly obsession, you needed him to make you cum.

his grin grew wider once he saw you drop your act, your head falling back to his chest as you whimpered for him, his cock plunging into you at a faster and rougher pace. one of his hands let go of your waist again, only to harshly land on your lips, tapping on them to let his fingers in.

your lips slightly parted, giving him access, he pushed his ringed fingers inside of your mouth, and your desperate gaze met with his darked ones. "suck on them."

you accepted his order happily, the coldness of his rings making you shudder while you wrapped your tongue around his fingers, sucking greedily, making him proud.

his twisted smirk grew wider, and his thrusts were frantic, groans and curses slipped past his lips. "my good fuckin' girl."

[starwarsanthropology]

Canon genders the clones, both individually and collectively, pretty aggressively. They're men, brothers, boys, sirs. Omega is notable for being the "female" clone, to the point where she's not recognized as a clone in a meaningful way.

But the clones grew up without gendered social groups! Despite how clones are gendered by external factors, gender is functionally a nonentity in their lives until they meet civilians, and civilians do a load of other weird shit anyway.

So why do they still use gendered language?

My argument is that feminine language isn't used as a gendered form of address, but as a form of address that reflects a specific kind of power dynamic and relationship between parties.

Given the structure of the clone army, the only people a vast majority of young clones interact with who could insist on being called ma'am are exclusively kaminoans.

The kaminoans view clones not as autonomous subjects, but as property. They have and expect complete control over their lives and actions. Incidentally, the female kaminoans we see (such as Nala Se) tend to demonstrate an even more proprietary perspectives on the clones.

You can question a sir, like your superiors or trainers, at your discretion, but you can't question a ma'am. A sir is someone who has power over you, but is somewhat responsible for you. The have personal accountability to you in some way. Sirs are responsible for men under them. A ma'am is someone whose power over you is absolute, an authority without accountability, who is not beholden to you but that you must obey. You are tool or a number to a ma'am.

And when you bring clones out into the wider galaxy, I'm not sure anyone would figure it out that quickly.

Say you're a new jedi general. You meet your men, and they address you as "ma'am". Maybe you correct and move on, figuring that they've grown up surrounded by thousands of identical men and aren't great at guessing genders based on social and appearance cues. Scuttlebutt has your forms of address spread through the men by the end of the day, and you don't think about it again.

The clones, on the other hand, take this correction as he/him jedi stating that they want to work with them and suppourt them despite having so much power over them, which fits with both what they know of the jedi and, most often, their leadership style.

She/her jedi (see Shaak Ti especially!), clones maybe treat a little more as absolute authorities. This gendered divide in behavior gets met with, "hm, maybe they're just not used to women." For many jedi, they eventually switch to calling them sir as well, especially as they build rapport.

For Shaak Ti specifically, she is an absolute authority as the representative of the Jedi on Kamino, not just as a figurehead but as a decision maker and educator. Even as the clones grow to trust and love her, she's a relatively distant and all-powered figure. She has near total authority over them, and clones might ask for help or suppourt, but there's no social obligation for those requests to be met, she's just kind. It's compassion, not duty.

Senators, there's a good mix of different factors that make it confusing. "Senator" is always an acceptable form of address if you're not sure how'd they react, even if they should be ma'ams by default, but they're either trying to build rapport for some reason or genuinely want to work with you when they say to call them sir, regardless of the actual power dynamic at play. The she/her senators that respect the clones are in the same boat as Shaak Ti: Padme Amidala may care about clone rights, but I am still just one of hundreds to her and she has no personal accountability to me. Her position is such that she should not and cannot owe me anything. Same with Riyo Chuchi, Mon Mothma, etc. etc.

And a civilian that insists on being called ma'am or sir is going to be an asshole either way, and they technically have power over clones without personal accountability or responsibility for them. It works.

Finally, Palpatine.

He's a slimy rat fuck who pretends to be affable and kind, so of course he's going to laugh and say, "Oh, no, call me Sir!" when you call him ma'am. He is not personally accountable to you, and he does not care about you, but it helps his image and it helps him manipulate people to pretend, so of course he's making you use sir to build false intimacy despite the fact that he's the ma'am of ma'ams, both in power gaps and lack of accountability for his treatment of clones.

So having clones using sir vs ma'am not as a reflection of gender but as a reflection of power? Yeah, I think it works.

[m-artemisa-c]

Lucky night

Pairing: Lando Norris x f!reader

This is an (18+) story which means if you are a minor, you are not allowed to interact.

......................................................................................................................

So this is the first time Im posting something, I was little bored and decided to write one of my many sex fantasies haha english is not my first language so sorry in advance for the grammar errors etc....i don't know if anyone would read this but if you do I hope you enjoy it <3

“Can you please send me the quotations we received today? I already asked you this twice, please focus more on your duties!”  –  I heard Derek, my manager from the other side of the corridor... what an ass... 

The truth is that I’ve been out of my mind for a while, unable to focus on any task. It’s been overwhelming, I must say, a new job, new apartment, new people, and a new city to discover or that’s what I thought. It looks like Monaco is as small as my little hometown, it took me only a week to “discover” my new home. Impressive?  Yes, I would never imagine being here, but I’m not sure I’m going to fit in with all these petulant and fancy people. Everyone seems like some kind of famous shitty person. 

“Do I have to send you a reminder? Or are you going to do the job you are being paid to do? “ – It looks like being a needy asshole is a required skill if you want to be a manager – “I just sent them to you, I also attached the price analysis I made for these suppliers”

For the last 8 years, I worked for an automotive company, it was my first job when I graduated from business school. I started as a trainee for the quality staff and after a year the logistics supervisor asked me if I was interested in joining his team, after some years I got promoted to the sales area. 

I was happy and grateful for the job I had; I'd make enough money to pay my rent and to provide my cat Murphy with all the toys and food he needed to be happy. My life was good or that’s what I thought. 

“There is nothing attached to the mail you sent…” – Derek screamed from his office - “Fuck! You need to stop now “- I screamed to myself. 

“Is everything ok with you? I know you just moved here two weeks ago” – I turned my face and saw my coworker Mike approaching me from his desk – “Ohhh... I’m..Yes, I’m ok thanks. I’m still getting used to my new life haha “ - I responded awkwardly, I turned my face again to my computer screen making sure to attach the files this time and send the email... again. I’ve only been working here for one week and Derek already thinks I’m retarded. 

“Do you have plans for later? We can go for a drink or two” – I turned my face to Mike – “Ammm .. I...mm sure, why not? Having some drinks sounds like a plan to me “ – I reply with a smile on my face – “Nice! So, you tell me when you are done with work, and we will leave. I know a nice restaurant with a stunning view. I’m sure you will love It” – he said as he headed back to his desk. 

One of the main reasons I accepted this job was because I felt something was missing in my life. And when I say “something” I mean sex...sweaty, passionate, and unholy sex.  It’s been 5 years since the last time I had slept with somebody... a guy I met on Tinder... a total disaster.  And after that, I decided I had enough shitty sex and  I spoiled myself... I bought my first sex toy. I named him Timmy because I have a crush on Timothée Chalamet, so since Timmy arrived, I’ve been a happy woman with plenty of orgasms. 

I love Timmy? Yes! no doubt about that, I would never imagine I was able cum so many times in one night, but I cannot deny I want to feel the heat of a dicks men while he is drilling my pussy, I want to feel how his tongue travel all over my body and praise me for being a good girl because  I ride him all night. 

It might sound kind of pathetic that a “grown woman” like me wants to be called a “good girl” but let’s be honest, being 30 is a nice age... That’s what I say to myself when I feel like I’m too old to try to flirt with men or go out. What a disaster! When I was 23, I was way bolder than now, I remember how I used to enter the clubs, knowing exactly which guy I wanted. The flirting game was so fun. Guys trying to get closer to me and dance while they ground their bodies with my ass, grabbing me by the waist and caressing my skin, saying sweet lies to my ear ... good days ...

“So, are we ready?” – Mike’s voice snapped my thoughts. I looked at my clock and realized I  spent 2 hours thinking about my younger years... a nice way to show Derek I’m not retarded – “Uhhh...I just need to send some emails. I will see you in the lobby if that’s ok with you “- Mike nods his head with a smile while he heads to the elevators. 

Maybe tonight is my lucky night, maybe instead of daydreaming about my younger years I need to lose control and show Mike the whore inside of me... – “We need to schedule a meeting with the coil supplier for next Monday and I need to know the amount we have been paying to our broker for these operations. That’s all for today, I expect you to be ready for the meeting “ – my manager said with an annoyed look before leaving my desk. God I need Timmy right now, maybe I can bring him with me and lock myself in the bathroom when I feel angry. I set up the meetings and headed to the elevators to meet Mike. 

While waiting for the elevators I couldn’t stop thinking about Mike and my lucky night. I know I said I was a flirty master when I was younger but now? Hahaha I am a complete loser, I don’t know how to talk with men. How am I going to seduce Mike? He is way more attractive than me, a good-looking man. If I had to guess I would say he is 35, has a nice body, and a charming smile... “Over here!” -  Mike raised his hand and I greeted him with a smile – “Sorry, I hope you don’t mind waiting for me “– I said - “It was only 15 minutes don’t worry. My car is over here “– he put his hand on my back – “Do you seriously drive to the office?” – I looked at him with a surprised face – “Well yes, don’t you?” – he replied – “No haha it's only a 20 min walk from my apartment to the office. I like to walk. It's a nice way to start the day” – it's true, walking is nice, and it feels stupid to drive such a short distance...this is what I mean when I say I’m not sure I’m going to fit here.

We arrived at a nice luxurious restaurant. This is not what I had in mind when Mike said we would go out for drinks, but the view was amazing, just like he promised. Don’t ramble! Remember your lucky night, Mike wouldn’t suggest drinks if he wasn’t attracted to me in some way, right? There is only one reason a man would suggest drinks... Maybe I need some alcohol so I can let myself lose and have fun ... – “Bonjour, je voudrais commander quelque chose à boire? “– the waitress asked and all I could do was look at Mike with a confused look- “He asked if you wanted something to drink “– Mike said with a childish smile – “Oh! Tequila for me please “ – I said as I looked at the waitress- “How come you moved to a city and don’t speak the language?” – Mike asked with an intriguing look – “Ummm well, I didn’t know I was moving until I had to move here haha It was kind of messy, at first the job offer was to be the intermediary between the company and the suppliers. No need for relocation, just weekly meetings but then I got a better offer due to my experience so here I am, completely lost. I’m going to learn how to speak French, people here are kinda pissed if you speak in English all the time ...Maybe you can teach me “– I suggested with a flirty look... or at least that was what I thought I was doing – “Sure! I moved here 3 years ago so I can teach you some basic sentences haha”

Drinks finally arrived and after 1 hour I could feel how tequila was making me forget about my insecurities, now was the time to suggest Mike take me home and maybe invite him another drink. Wait, I need to change my underwear into a nice set of lingerie... Do I even have lingerie? The last time I remember I bought sexy underwear was when I was dating my ex-boyfriend from university, well maybe I can improvise with some thong and a nice bra. 

Alcohol and overthinking don’t get along, take note! While I was deep in my thoughts, I ignored what my new friend Mike said – “Ready to go?” – Mike asked –” Go where?” – I said intrigued – “To my place “- he gave me a confused look -” I asked if you wanted to have some drinks at my apartment. Did you change your mind? “– oh shit... it is happening. Finally, my lucky night is happening – “Sorry, I just feel a little tipsy from the alcohol haha let’s go!”

The drive to Mike’s apartment was fun, he was talking about his favorite spots in Monaco and I was completely lost daydreaming about all the sex I was going to get, while adjusting to my seat I felt how wet my pussy was. My god, I'm so nervous, do I have to make the first move? or should I just let him take control of the situation?

“Babe! I’m so glad you are finally here! “– a beautiful woman said as she came close to Mike and kissed him – “I'm sorry to be late sweetie, we had a couple of drinks before work. I want to introduce you to my new coworker; she moved here two weeks ago, and I thought it would be nice to invite her to our open house so she can meet new people. This is Florence, my girlfriend, she’s from Monaco, she can help you with anything you need. Right, babe? “– I was in shock; all I could do was smile stupidly - “Bienvenue à Monaco ma chère! It's a pleasure to meet you. Mike told me you were having a tough time adjusting here. I'm so glad he suggested this, and as he said I’m here to help you if you need something “– Florence said as she smiled at me. 

What was I thinking? Of course, he is not attracted to me at all, he was only trying to be nice with the new coworker - “Can I offer you a drink? What would you like? We have wine, gin , tequila” - Florence asked me - “Mmm I'm already a little drunk so a glass of water would be nice. I mmm where is the bathroom? “- 

As I head to the bathroom I regret every choice I made for the last month. This was a mistake, everything was a mistake, what was I thinking? I don't belong here, I can quit my job and go back home. My boss hates me and I just embarrassed myself with the only “friend” I made. As I wash my face I decide that it would be better if I just go home. 

“Hey … mmm …I …  am sorry but I don't feel well, I guess I'm not used to drinking alcohol anymore haha I should leave now before I make something I regret” - I said -” Wait what ? When I told you about the party you said you would love to come, what happened?” - Mike asked - “Yeah yeah , I was excited about it but you know I forgot to feed my cat in the morning, he must be starving now. I need to go. Sorry” - I said as I grabbed my purse - “Do you want me to drive you home? It's more than a 20 min walk to the office from here “- Mike said jokingly - “No no , don't worry you have guests coming soon, you must be here. I will order an uber. I will see you on Monday and it was a pleasure to meet you Florence. You have a wonderful apartment, maybe I can visit both again when I'm not drunk”- I said awkwardly as I opened the door. 

Once I was alone in the corridor I realized how pathetic I was. I've always found a peculiar way to expose myself to awkward situations but haha this one is definitely in the top three. Maybe Derek is right and I'm kind of retarded. Fuck! the things I do to get laid, thinking about my sex fantasies is making me lose all my concentration. Maybe I can ask Florence to introduce me to some friends I can - “For fucks sake, get out the way” - I heard someone screaming at me - “Excuse me.. what did you say?” - I asked as I turned my body to face the rude voice  - “Wow, are you deaf? I've been here asking you to move so I can get to the elevator “- another spoiled rich guy, what a surprise. This is it, I'm going back home - “I'm sorry but that's not the way you should talk to people, you never know what is going on with others. Maybe you can be more polite “- I said as I rolled my eyes - “I was polite the first three times I asked you to move so don't try to turn it to me, you are the one who should be apologizing” - Oh god, I want to punch his face so badly - “Yeah, whatever you said Junior, why don't you go back to your daddy's apartment and cry with him “- I said as I begged for the doors to open- “Watch out! A little bitch over here! “-  the guy jokes as the doors open and we both enter …why me...- “You know, there is no valid reason for you to act like this. What is your problem? Your boyfriend doesn't fuck you enough?” - He said with a smirk on his face. Why are attractive guys such jerks? I look down as I wait to get to the lobby - “Yeah, that's what I thought, you are frigid don't you? I bet men don´t even enjoy your company, you look like a boring woman, now I understand why you are such a bitch”

It was all too much, the alcohol, the disappointment, and this spoiled guy. I tried to ignore him but his last words were like a stab in my heart… he was right, men don't enjoy my company, I turned into a boring woman with no sexual appeal, and then I exploded  - “You know what? You are right! I'm a boring woman, I'm all dried up, there’s no joy in my life anymore. Men don't enjoy my company even if I try to seduce him” - I was crying and yelling at him - “I haven't been fucked in almost a decade ” - the guy was completely in shock, you could tell by the way he opened his eyes.He was regretting saying those things - “you can say all you want about me being a bitch but it's not my fault. If men knew how to give a proper fuck I wouldn't be here…trying my best to be flirty - silence filled the elevator as I realized what I was doing -”…sharing personal information with a stranger and embarrasing myself …fuck”- oh god, this day is getting worse I think I'm going to lose my mind. Yes this guy is a jerk but I'm being mental over here. I need to calm down  - “look I'm sorry” - I said as I wiped my tears- “it's not a good day “

I buried my face in my hands pretending I was back home when I felt the elevator stop. I looked at the guy and he was pressing the red stop button - “What the hell are you do…” - was all I could say. In a matter of seconds, I felt a warm tongue deep inside my mouth while a strong pair of hands grabbed my face, cornering my body between the wall. The kiss was so passionate I could barely breathe, his tongue was exploring my mouth like crazy, suddenly this rich spoiled guy sucked my lower lip making me moan from the pleasure. When I opened my eyes all I could see was a pair of eyes looking into my soul, wonderful blue eyes that made me feel so vulnerable yet excited and horny.  His fresh breath was on my face and we stayed like this for what it feels like an eternity. I was completely mesmerized by this guy. 

He ran his thumb over my lower lip, just where he sucked it and I saw how he smirked. His other hand moved to grab one of my boobs- “You are a wonderful woman” - he said as he caressed my breast over my blouse. I let out a soft moan  - “And most important, you are not dried up “- he said as he kissed my neck - “I bet I can make your delicious pussy soak all over me” - I felt his thigh between my legs, just where my clit was. The friction was pure pleasure to my soul and I let a loud moan escape my mouth as I grabbed his strong bicep - “Come on, let yourself enjoy this' ' - he said as he kept kissing my neck. I was in heaven, he was kissing me just where I wanted. It was like he knew my body and how to touch me, I let myself lose and grind harder on his tight  - “Oh my g.... mmmm…yesss” -  I moaned as my head fell back giving him more access to kiss my neck. I could feel his smile on my throat as I kept moaning from the pleasure  - “Fuck!” - he muttered in my ear - “I can already feel your wetness” -  he said as both of his hands grabbed my waist guiding my movements - “Open your eyes, look at me. I want to see how much you are enjoying this” - he commanded as I was on the edge of pleasure, unable to react to his instructions.I kept grinding harder on his thigh with my eyes closed enjoying the pleasure and chasing my orgasm. I could feel it coming, my legs were shaking and I was babbling nonsense words and moans, and suddenly it stopped. I opened my eyes with an angry look - “Why …mm. noo … I was so clos..”- I felt how he turned my body to face my reflection on the mirror wall. One of his hands grabbed my throat while the other slid down to my pussy.  - “Open your eyes, sweetie. I want you to see how pretty you look when you moan” - his hand was teasing my pussy over my jeans - “Mmmmm yeesss” - I moaned as I leaned my head back to his chest - “No no “- he said as he guided my head back so I could see myself again - “I told you I want you to see yourself “ - he said as he gently rubbed my pussy - “Do you like what you see? Fuck you look so sexy, I can see how bad you want it” - I nodded frenetically - “ Yess please, I want it, please please don't stop this time” - I saw how he smirked proudly - “Mmmm such a good girl for me. Do you want me to touch you? Feel the heat of your soaking pretty pussy?” - What a jerk, he is making me beg for it … it's worth it…be a whore for him -” Yess! Touch me and make me cum”. 

I felt how his hand unbuttoned my jeans and slid into my underwear just where I needed him. Fuck ! I could hear how wet I was, sticky noises filled the elevator as  he opened my folds, his long fingers were traveling all over my dripping pussy  to my clit and teasing my hole. I watched the obscene scene from the mirror wall, this cute guy was driving me crazy. I felt a wave of confidence and I started to grind my body against him, I felt his hard cock against my ass, his big, hard, and delicious cock. Our bodies were like matching pieces from a puzzle, perfectly moving while we enjoyed the friction. 

I grabbed his neck to increase the pressure and in a violent move, he ripped the buttons of my blouse. With no hesitation, he moved my bra exposing my bare chest to him - “Mhmmmm…you have a pair of delicious nipples over here”  - He said as he cupped one of my boobs, my nipples were hard and aching for more - “Come on, cum for me pretty girl” - he commanded - “Ahh..yes.. please..mmm.. keep… keep going... I just …mmm… kiss me “ I felt his warm tongue in my mouth once again. I was moaning against his mouth as he violently abused my clit making my legs shake from pleasure. He kept rubbing my soaking pussy and without a warning I felt an amazing jolt all over my body -” Fuuck yes! Yess cum all over my fingers!” - I heard as I felt my soul leave my body, I was shaking like crazy. 

It took me a while to recover from the amazing orgasm, I was unable to stand by myself, luckily a pair of strong arms were helping me. Once my brain was ready I opened my eyes, I saw how this spoiled rich guy was licking his fingers covered with my cum. Fuck, he is so hot! I look at my reflection in the mirror and smile to myself. Sweat was coming down my forehead, my face was red, my nipples were hard and you could easily see how I still had goosebumps - “You taste like heaven”  - I heard from behind. I gave him a shy smile as I tried to fix myself but he stopped me. I faced him and he grabbed my face between his hands - “I'm sorry for being a jerk” he kissed me once again, a soft and gentle kiss - “And as i said…You are not dried up sweetie” - he said as he put one lock of hair behind my ear -”If that thought crosses your mind again I will gladly remind you how wet i can make you” - I instantly blush as I bite my lower lip, I tried to cover my chest with my ripped blouse - “Fuck, I'm sorry for this too”- he gave me a childish smile - “Why don't you come over my place? I will give you a shirt …” 

Maybe being here can be an exciting adventure after all, maybe Monaco isn't as bad as I thought. “Im Lando by the way, please accept my offer…You can apologize for being a bitch…”

[ninetailedfoxmanchi]

What is Simon 'Ghost' Riley actually like in a relationship (according to me)

A/N: I know this isn't anything like the things I usually write fics about but if I don't get this out of my system, I will spontaneously combust into flames from thought overload. There is a lot of great fics about him out there, 100%, but there is a steamy pile of garbage as well which makes Simon "an abusive asshole" to quote a TikTok I recently saw - and I couldn't agree more. So, here is my soft take on this tough guy and I hope you can enjoy reading this despite it being pretty far away from everything else on this blog.

Warnings: mentions of torture, violence, weapons, PTSD, profanity, explicit sexual themes but also so much fluff and softness

A/N pt. 2: I base this on Ghost's backstory according to the comic books as well as the video games but this is just my take so if you imagined him differently, that is totally valid!

* * *

Firstly and most importantly, Simon is a very different in his private life compared to his work; meaning he is good at separating the violent side of his work life from the life he has with you.

He must be the softest, the most gentle person there is when he is with you. I think he is very shy in the beginning as well as in early relationship given how his father treated him growing up. It is not that Simon wouldn't trust you, it's more that he would not trust himself. After all, after the Manuel Roba operation, he was tortured for months and came out with severe anger issues.

However, he was able to resolve this when he re-joined the military and engaged therapy but the scars remained: both mental as well as physical.

The reason why Ghost never takes off his mask is because of the scars Vernon and the lot left on his face (and the rest of his body). They are healed now but whenever he sees them in the mirror, he is reminded of everything he has been through, especially the loss of his family.

After Simon had told you why he keeps his mask on even in private life, at least the bottom part, you would not mind it as much but you would also reassure him that the way you feel about him could never be changed by some scars.

Needless to say, Simon would be very, very protective of you. He has lost everyone he has ever loved and cared about and he would never allow the same happen with you. It must be said though that Simon is not possessive. He above all knows the importance of freedom, especially when it comes to making choices about yourself and your comfort.

Still, Simon would face some control issues when you'd go out on your own. At work, he is used to being in charge of everybody, making sure everyone is safe and manning their positions. But with you, he needs to remind himself you are not going to war but just out with your friends, out grocery shopping, out to the library or somewhere. The thought of losing you drives him insane. He could never forgive himself if it happened when he could be by your side instead.

It goes without saying though that Simon prefers the comfort of his home to just about any other place. Clubs give him anxiety and the loud music triggers his PTSD, bars and restaurants are okay here and there but there is no place like home.

He does enjoy hiking and walking with you though.

Simon is romantic by heart so picnics in the nature would be his go-to dates. A bottle of wine, cheese and olives, a blanket in a spot with a view... You'd trace his features gently with the tip of your finger; the curve of his nose, his lips where he'd take your hand in his and kissed it softly as you would lay together in a secluded spot somewhere.

Bonus: when you decide to go home, Simon would never let you help carry any of the things he'd brought. Maybe the blanket but everything else, he'd pile up in his massive arms and carry them all the way home while barely seeing over the heap.

When it comes to sex, Simon would be just as reserved as with taking off his mask in the beginning. He would need much assurance from you that you really wanted to be with him intimately before trying anything.

Contrary to popular belief, Simon would never do anything that could even remotely hurt you when you had sex (or otherwise). On the one hand, he is well aware of his size and strength, and on the other, it is his childhood trauma that keeps him from trying anything that could potentially hurt you (even choking, spanking, etc. is not something he is comfortable with) even if you'd ask him to experiment.

Simon has seen, felt and inflicted too much violence in his life to have it included in his love life as well. All he wants to do is make you feel safe and loved especially when you have sex because this is one of the ways he expresses his love to you.

His sex drive is not that high but when you do have sex, he likes to make it special and intimate. Simon is very serious about it and wants you to enjoy yourself more than anything. To be honest, just seeing you climax causes him do the same.

He enjoys going down on your very much; the intimacy, the softness of your moans, his arms locked around your thighs when his fingers are not intertwined with yours.

Simon's favourite part though is the aftercare. He loves cuddling with you. Physical touch is yet another of his love languages although he was very reserved in the beginning of the relationship.

He is the big spoon the majority of time but sometimes (his favourite) Simon lays his head on your chest, wraps his arms around your waist and lets you play with his hair. He can fall asleep almost instantly.

It cannot be stressed enough that Simon never ever EVER raises his voice at you. Even when you are having an argument (which is not often), he never yells much less gets violent in any way.

He is a great listener and despite not saying much a lot of the time, Simon communicates well although he struggles very much to word his feelings.

After an argument or just for no particular occasion at all, Simon gets you flowers (a lot) - and different kinds every time. Another way for Simon to apologize is to cook for you. He is not very good at it but it is the effort that counts.

When he is away on a mission, Simon calls you a lot just to hear your voice, especially when he is too stressed to fall asleep. Your voice calms him down and help him get some rest but also reassures him you are alright whilst he is not there to keep you safe.

Simon likes to listen about your day, your feelings and your ideas. It keeps his mind far away from dark places. But every now and again, he would trust you with a fragment of his memories when his thoughts are just too loud. You know how precious and how rare it is that Simon opens up to you.

You don't say anything when he talks about his memories and his family but you always hold his hand, brushing your thumb across his calloused knuckles or drawing gentle shapes against his broad back.

You pepper his skin with soft kisses when his voice quietens and lead his head to rest against your chest as you pet his hair.

He likes to listen to you sing too, even if your voice is not the greatest. Even just humming a random melody and feeling your chest vibrate softly beneath his cheek will ease his heart.

Random bonus: Simon drinks English breakfast, no cream and one cube of sugar and has an occasional cigarette with it (Marlboro).

[stinkfacestories]

The day you found out you had won Jason Kelces Beard Challenge was the best day of your life. The challenge was simple: put together a snap or tiktok video of how to get a beard as good as Jason and the top winner would win a day with Jason. Your video was a long shot: you made a tiktok showing how if you mixed essence of dwarf, with a bit of neanderthal, and just a splash of viking inside Abraham Lincoln's hat and applied it to your face, you'd look as good as Jason. It did t get very many views but Jason loved it. The next thing you knew you were in Philadelphia meeting the man himself at the airport.

The tour of Philadelphia through Jason Kelces eyes was a lot of stops at places he loved to eat. Steak sandwich, sausage, pizza, ice cream. The man just loved to eat. As the day dragged on just as Afternoon turned to evening he took you to Lincoln Field, his home turf. There was no game and the place was locked down, but that was nothing a few signed balls couldn't handle.

He took you to the locker room, the place where he told you he feels most free to be himself. You both sat down on the bench in front of his locker. He took out a case of bud light and cracked one open. The man drank so much bud lite you swore he was sponsored by them.

He told you to be quiet. To just listen to the sound of the room. To drink it in and become one with the soul of real American football.

The only thing you heard was the bench breaking as Kelce leaned forward and let out a fart with a satisfied grunt.

"Oh, sorry," he said, not sounding very sorry.

"Really? " you said. You looked at him, almost appalled that he would do that with you right next to him.

Jason turned and gave you a wink. "Dont tell me you don't find farts funny. Your a guy. All guys love farts." 

You rolled your eyes. "Not really."

"What about this one," he said and let loose a loud bassy fart.

"God stop it, it's so gross," you said as you slid away, but suddenly found yourself pressed against the wall of the locker room. "Seriously dude. What the fuck?"

"C'mon," Jason said as he moved over towards you. “I warned you. Remember when I ate that large sausage with pickled garlic ave said ‘were in trouble later’? What do you think I meant.” and placed a hand on your chest, giving you a bit of a push. "Don't be a prude."

You were caught between a wall, and a wall of beef holding you in place. "Seriously, stop it".

"Can't stop. Won't stop," he said still pressing you in the wall. His eyes were the kind of dull that only cheap low quality beer can make the."You know I bet you never had an older brother. Between me, my dad and Travis we learned to appreciate farts. My dad told me that the best cure is exposure. So to get you up to speed I think I need to gas you more"

He  pressed into you and lifted up his keg and let loose with a fart so powerful it echied through the empty locker room.. You struggled to get away from the horrible stench, but couldn't escape.

"No, don't do this," you said as it overwhelmed you.

He turned around and pressed his huge soft center lineman ass in your face, the soft fabric of his shorts spreading across your face like warm dough. It was too much, and you were powerless to stop it. His asshole flexed and relaxed as it sent out a long drawn out series of wet sounding farts. You gagged as the air around you filled with the horrid odor.

"Fuck that was a good one," he said, not budging an inch. “Three point stance just rips these farts out of me.”

"I think I'm going to puke," you said, trying not to vomit.

"If your gonna puke, aim that way, I like these shorts." he said pointing. "Do you think it's funny yet?"

"No!" You coughed.

"Alright you asked for it" he presses his ass harder, wedging your nose on his cheeks. He let loose with a rapid fire volley of farts that left you breathless and coughing. He backed away, chuckling at you.

"God, fuck, that's rank!" You coughed. You tried to breathe fresh air but the locker room had been total polluted by Kelces ass.

"Come on. You don't have to love them, but you gotta at least admit they are funny and manly now. How can you like football and not think farts are funny." he let you stew and come up with an answer.

"Fuck...no," you say.

He shrugged. "Ok. Your loss," he said and pressed his ass in your face again.

"No! Please. God. No. Fuck!"

"What's it going to take? Do I need to pull my shorts down and give you a bare ass stinkface?" He said, pressing even harder.

"No! No more. Fine. They're fucking funny," you cried.

"What?" He said. "I couldn't hear you"

"They're funny!"

"Now are you just saying that to make me stop?"

"No, I mean it. They are funny and they are manly."

"Well, if it's funny you won't have a problem asking me to do it a few more times so you can properly laugh. Right?"

"Uh...fine. Sure. Just, please, no more, I can't take it."

He turned and farted once. "Laugh. Laugh hard and long and deep." He was getting frustrated that you weren't laughing. "Seriously come on guy. This is just as bad for me as it is for you. It's hard to hold this position and if I keep farting I'm going to have to take a dump soon"

"Oh god no!"

"Laugh dammit!" He yelled.

"No, no, I can't."

"Fine then," he said. He pulled you down and set you face up on the bench. He loomed over you. "Ok big fucking guns time" he pulled down his shorts and hovered his raw hairy bear ass over your face.

"Oh shit, dude please don't!" His as was a beast. This close you could make out the rough skin. His ass had taken a pounding over the years and looked like a hefty bag overfilled with cottage cheese. The hair on his crack was dense and black. 

"Do you think this is funny?"

"Yes, yes, fuck, yes!" You were sobbing, your body convulsing.

“Good. Then you'll find this hilarious.” he sat down. He sat down hard. He rocked back and forth, the wiry hair of his ass crack scouring your face. He dug deep like he has an itch he was trying to scratch.

"Laugh. C'mon. Laugh, laugh like a big boy." He said, simultaneously belching and farting.

"Ahahaha!" You started crying and laughing.

"Oh fuck. What a fucking cry baby. Laughing at farts is supposed to be funny. Not sad."

"I'm sorry," you sobbed.

"Just...fucking stop," he said, standing and pulling up his shorts as he got off you. "Baby can't handle a grown man's ass. Jesus fuck"

He sat down next to you. You were still shaking a little, tears coming from your eyes. "I'm sorry," you said.

"It's fine, it's not the first time I've gassed someone like that," he said. "your not the only one who cried either "

You sniffed, still wiping tears away. "It was just so...overwhelming. The smell, and the sound, and the pressure..."

"It was a lot. It was," he said.

He drained his bud light and crushed the can. "Ok second chance to get it right." He leaves forward and farted, then looked to you to see your reaction.

You laughed. A genuine laugh. "Fuck, dude."

He smiled and farted again. You kept laughing. "It's funny, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It is," you said, laughing some more.

"Now you" he said 

You panicked. You didn't have to fart. You were to nervous.

"What the hell. Do it"

"I don't know if I can," you said.

"Come on. Do it. Do it" he chanted.

"I can't."

"You trying to make me mad? You're a guy. You should always be ready to let rip"

"But I'm not drunk like you are. And I'm not a fucking monster with an ass like yours."

"Fine, then, let's fix that." He reached down and ripped a huge one. He reached for his phone and placed a call "Trav. Yeah we got an emergency. Yeah get that chili defrosted and get some real cheap beer. Ooooh and some gas station food. Yeah he's a wimp. Didn't laugh. No he did. Fuck no she can't come to.  Alright. Love you. No homo" he hung up the phone.

"Your brother's coming over?"

"Yup. And he's gonna be pissed if you don't laugh when he cuts one. He loves farts. And he's got an ass that could kill a guy."

"Wait..."

"We're going to our man cave. It's a cabin in the woods. Just guys. Strict no pants policy. You better hope Trav remembered his boxers. You are gonna learn to love being a man like us and become the third Kelce brother, or you ain't leaving that shack."

"What's it going to be like," you said, afraid, but also excited.

"Oh, you're gonna hate every minute, and you're gonna love every minute."

"Fuck. I'm going to get wrecked, aren't I?"

"Oh definitely. We will probably fuck up your head so much. You're going to end up with a fetish for this."

You laughed.

All you could do was laugh.

[ak319]

Yan General sister x fem reader (Platonic)

(So I actually wrote 2 different stories regarding this Yandere OC. I will release the second story soon. Much love and enjoy😊💗)

Warnings: ( Possessive themes, references to assault/rape. Animal abuse, language, violence)

"Shit! Why today?!" I whined as I wandered through this thick forest. The Sun was about to set and my body was sweating,  not because of the heat but due to nervousness and fear. My sister, Jara, would be coming back from the battle. I didn't know it was today or maybe I had forgotten otherwise, I wouldn't have done the foolish act of coming to hunting in the Redwood forest with my dog, Tic.

My sister was the General of the army, not forgetting that our father was the previous one, and after his death, Jara was chosen as the next General. Our family was very close to the imperial family, hence I was a noble. I had five sisters and Jara was the oldest and I was the youngest so including me, we were a total of six. I still don't know why she treated me like a kid out of everyone? Even though I was an obedient child I still had to face so many restrictions and I feared that a day would come when Jara would probably lock me in my room. Three of my sisters had been married off to good families and now Flora and I were left. She knew how much I loved being outdoors and so assisted me secretly to escape the mansion in a cart of hay so I could hunt. We both were unaware that Jara was to return today. I had only found out when I was strolling through the market, as people were getting ready to celebrate her homecoming and chatted about the victory in the battle.

Despite being an expert in hunting and always returning safely home, unfortunately, today when she had to come back, the ribbon which I had tied to the tree probably flew away or an animal tore it and now Tic and I were roaming aimlessly like fools to find our way back. So far, no success or maybe wait...

"YES! I hear the stream! Let's follow the sound Tic."  We both trudged through the foliage and luckily found the stream, by now the sun had almost set and seeing this I quickly lit up the torch which I carried in my bag after filling up my bottle.  Tic had also fully satisfied himself with enough water and I got up to continue our search way back.

However, I almost screamed seeing three buff men standing near the tree line above the stream, staring down at us, smirking.

"What?" That's right, I am not afraid.

"Why did you get up honey?. We were rather enjoying the view." UGH! Disgusting creeps. 

"I have important things to do. Come on , Tic."

I grabbed his leash and began to walk the other way instead of going up, but the sudden sound of their boots sliding across the sand caught my attention. Seeing this. Tic began barking at them and I had to turn around as he was being angry at the men and constantly pulling on the leash. However, my mind screamed to just get out of here and run. I couldn't fight these buff men and judging from their appearance, it was evident that they were bounty hunters as they had a specific way to dress. How did they get the permission to enter the forest is unknown to me. I will make sure they don't ever if I get back safely because this forest was deemed to be safe for hunters like me from such people.

"Tic , let's go!"

"Woah , don't know which is more feisty one , you or your bitch." I turned around , taking a dagger out of my belt , and in just these milliseconds , Tic was shot by one of the men's arrows.

"NO! YOU ASSHOLE! TIC!" 

"HAHAH! One down, the other to go." I had to be strong right now so I maintained my stance as they circled me like wolves. It was clear what their intentions were but I was not going down like a failure, I was Jara's sister after all.

"You have no idea who I am. I am Jara Armani's sister and if you dare touch me , she'll skin you alive assholes."

"Hmmm, General Armani, that wrench. Thanks for telling  us sweetie."

" Yeah , this is a cherry on top. Hey , Storm , imagine her face when she discovers her little sister all naked and covered in blood."

Geez. Someone grabbed me from behind in a tight hold and I tried kicking his shins but the other one grabbed my legs. I screamed as loudly as I could to grab someone's attention if there was any other hunter present in the forest. In reply, I could only hear birds chirping as they flew back to their trees. Was this my end? I couldn't even get to meet my sister even though I hated her because she was too protective but now, I needed her. I realized she was right about the cruelty of this world.

"LET ME GO! YOU'LL REGRET IT! DON'T YOU HAVE MOTHERS AND SISTERS AT HOME!?".

They started chuckling as one of them tore my skirt. 

"Even if we did-" The man named Storm who was taking his belt off in front of me was struck by an arrow right in the head which came from behind and the other two instantly got up to fight whoever did this but soon they too fell to their deaths by none other than my sister who came riding with her men in tow.

"Take their bodies to my basement."  Is she really back? She looked so different compared to months back. She silently walked over to me and without saying anything , picked me up and carried me home. I could tell she was pissed and didn't know if I should hug her or thank her. 

.

.

.

"YOU NEVER LISTEN, DO YOU! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU GO THERE ALONE! HUH?!"

"I-the weather was great today and Tic-

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THEY WOULD'VE DONE IF I HADN'T REACHED THERE?. THOSE FILTHY ANIMALS, PIECES OF HORSHIT! HOW DID THEY EVEN HAVE THE GUTS TO TOUCH YOU!"

She had been yelling constantly and Flora, my sister was also grounded for not taking 'care' of me properly.

I stood like a statue as she took out her steam. Suddenly I was pushed on the wall behind and I could sense her fuming breath on my face. Her rough hands can nearly break my arms from the force she's holding me.

" This was the day I warned you about. Always! But you never listened. " She rubbed her temple and continued. "You will not even step out of your room for as long as I say. And I am shifting you to the top floor." 

"The attic? Jara...please no," I whimpered her name. How can she do this? The attic is cold and said to be haunted by my own parents' ghosts!. I don't know if it is true or not but I am not going there. Her eyes were still cold, unwavering as if only filled with the desire to cage me which was the thing I had nightmares about. I prayed that my tears would somehow melt her heart.

"No, please. Sorry. I won't go out. I promise!"

"I trusted you when I left you here but not now. " Surprisingly she hugged me as I cried. "You will stay there ... forever my baby sister. Nobody will see you, except me. "

[meguwumibear]

yakuza!shouto x reader writing warm up

you fucked up.

badly.

broke into the wrong place at the worst time.

in your defense, you've been casing the joint for hours. it was supposed to be empty. how the hell were you supposed to know it was anything but?

the scene before you is gruesome. the body on the floor still warm. and the killers? yeah, they're staring straight at your dumb fucking ass.

you just had to choose this fucking house to break into. didn't you? what shitty fucking luck—not that you've ever been on particularly good terms with the lady. besides, you're really a horrible thief. too loud. too clumsy. probably should've gone into construction instead.

you're fast at least. from all these years of running. you're good at creating space, at keeping a distance between yourself and others. thank fuck for that because if your speed fails you now you are most certainly going to eat a bullet for dinner.

maybe a bullet wouldn't be so bad actually. you've had worse things to eat. what kind of metals are in bullets anyway? your anemic ass could certainly use some iron.

focus.

there's a car running in the driveway. likely an escape vehicle which means it would be an absolutely stupid thing to steal. the assholes are probably tracking it somehow. hitmen do shit like that, right? they keep close watch on their property?

the footsteps behind you are close. way too close for comfort.

fuck it. whatever. gambling's never been your vice, but it's probably worth the risk. you'll just hightail it out of here and ditch the car the moment you get the chance.

the driver's side door swings open when you pull at the handle.

idiots. who forgets to lock their fucking getaway car?

no matter. you're not one to look gift stupidity in the mouth. those morons can eat your fucking dust.

you throw the car in reverse and slam your foot on the pedal just as two hulking forms come into view. they have their weapons raised, poised to shoot.

tires screech on gravel as you tear down the driveway. you keep your head low in case your pursuers decide to empty their entire magazine into the back seat in a last ditch effort to kill you.

the rain of bullets never comes.

odd.

they probably could've hit you. is the car you're in worth so much they wouldn't risk dinging it?

the moment you hit the city you pull the car into a narrow alleyway and shift gears into park.

the night is too quiet and still. it does nothing to keep your mind off of your rabbiting heart. the stupid fucking thing is beating so fast you're certain you're setting some sort of world record.

you take a long deep breath in to steady yourself, relaxing your grip on the wheel.

"i'd torch the thing if i were you," comes a voice from the backseat. "you're dead if they find even a trace of something that could lead them to you."

that rabbiting heart of yours? yeah, it near about stops. you can barely find the courage to turn to meet the eyes of whoever the fuck you just took for a joyride.

the man is beautiful in a way that cuts like a knife. lean build. smooth skin...well mostly smooth anyway. there's what looks like a long since healed burn around his left eye.

the man also has a gun in his hand. he's not pointing it at you. he's not even fucking looking at you. he has his elbow propped on the window and his head resting in his hand.

yeah, you are so totally screwed.

"arson's not really my thing, but thanks for the tip," you reply, throwing open the door. it hits the brick wall of the alley with a dull thud.

you wince at the impact, wondering how much it costs to buff that kind of dent out of a car like this.

you chance a glance behind you, and the man is looking at you now, red eyebrows raised in amusement.

fuck.

motherfucker's toying with you.

there isn't a large enough gap for you to wriggle out of the car, and you don't have the strength to yank the door closed again now that you've so dimwittedly sandwiched it into the wall.

the asshole in the back's just watching you. he seems curious what you'll do next.

psh, as if the solution isn't obvious.

you start the car, moving the gear stick into drive, and slowly scrape your way down the alleyway, aiming for the entrance.

"bit conspicuous, don't you think?"

"shut up," you spit, stopping the car nonetheless. "like you could come up with anything better."

a lazy smile touches the corner of his lips.

"i'd never get myself into such a predicament. i would have-" the man is cut off by a buzzing in his pocket.

holy shit he has a phone on him?!

"do you mind?" he asks, answering the call anyway. "i kind of need to take this."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for how I tried to convince my RP partner that not all pwNPD are abusers?

The story is basically what the title says. I'm not giving out genders/ages for anonymity, but everyone involved here is an older teenager or young adult. Someone who I used to be friends with is incredibly biased against people with Cluster B personality disorders (antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder). In the past, she has implied that all people with narcissistic personality disorder are abusers and that all people with antisocial personality disorder are serial killers. Her reasoning for this is that she was abused in the past by someone with NPD and therefore considers ALL people with a Cluster B disorder to be dangerous.

(to be fair, I don't know if she feels the same way about BPD or HPD, since she has never mentioned either before and I don't dare to lol)

Although I was and still am scared to directly confront her about her viewpoints, I tried challenging them through the roleplays we do together. I introduced a character who would've likely been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder if she was older (she's 17 in the RP). She was portrayed as kind and generous, so I purposefully introduced her to show my friend that people with personality disorders can be good people, even if some of them are abusers. I didn't directly tell her that the character was supposed to represent narcissistic personality disorder, as none of us list the diagnoses of characters.

This wasn't the first character with implied NPD that I had submitted. Rather, there was another character who existed at the time and was just reduced to "insecure villain," which made them rather offensive as "representation." I later removed this character, although I originally tried to "fix" the character by balancing them out with better representation. So, I definitely wasn't trying to claim that people with NPD can't be abusers, ever. Rather, I wanted to show that people with NPD have the potential to be good and bad people.

Eventually, I one day had a mental breakdown for unrelated reasons and "apologized" to my ex-friend, admitting that part of the reason I'd introduced the character was to change her mind. While I don't actually feel bad for introducing the character, I still think I'm an asshole for giving a fake apology for something I don't feel sorry about, as I apologized with the intent of pushing her away rather than showing remorse.

After that, we've kind of put up a fair bit of distance between each other. She's being nice to me because... well, I've convinced her that I'm open to her ableist viewpoints by being a total pushover (another AH move of mine, yippee /s), and I'm staying on good terms with her because I don't want the drama and hurt that comes with formally ending a friendship. I feel like this is an ESH situation, with my friend being an AH for having shitty views and me being an AH for not knowing how to use the block button, but I wanted to hear what others had to think.

What are these acronyms?

[erisweekofficial]

Today we're celebrating @invisibleanonymousmonsters, the incredible author of Gust & Flame, a post ACOSF Eris x Reader fic!

If you love fics where only one person knows they are mates, OR love fics with fae-human relatonships OR want something longer to dig into this is going to be SUCH a treat. 🧡

Please check out the fic masterlist here. It's truly such a fun fic to read - please don't miss out on it.

Read on if you want to hear more about @invisibleanonymousmonsters's thoughts about Eris and what game they'd totally beat Eris at.

What drew you to Eris Vanserra as a character?

When writing fanfiction, I always gravitate towards side characters that are not given a lot of backstory or plot in the canon material. There is so much mystery around Eris. Even after five books, we still know so little about him. Is he truly an asshole? Or is he more like Rhysand than we want to admit? Is he a villain or is he actually a victim?  For me, it’s not fun to write fanfiction for characters that the source material has already fully fleshed out. There is no puzzle for me to figure out or an unfinished canvas to finish. For ACOTAR as a whole series – and an unfinished one, at that – Eris was one of the few male characters that had enough space for me to try to figure him out. And despite knowing so little about him, it’s still clear that he’s an extremely complex character with so many layers. And that’s an exciting type of character for me to write for. 

How do you think Eris handles power and responsibility?

0I have always viewed him as someone who sees what power without responsibility looks like: Beron, his father and High Lord. From the series, we have seen him hold responsibility for the army he commands of Autumn Court. And with that he risked his life to save just a handful of them. But we really have not seen the full extent of his power, so I am not sure I can confidently determine how he handles – or would handle – power. 

Can you give me a name for one of Eris's brothers? And also for one of his dogs?

In my series gust & flame, I named one of his brother’s Aurelius. Honestly, coming up with all his brothers’ names and keeping them straight in my mind has been one of the hardest parts of writing my series.  And I would name one of his dogs Orla.  Honestly, my brain is so fried from my stupid job and I’ve been writing my series so long that I’m pretty sure I named some of his dogs and now I can’t even remember what their names were. (Proof that I am a fanfiction writer, and there’s a reason I am not paid to do it.) 

What game do you think you could beat Eris at?

What an interesting question… Honestly, I don’t play any games. 😂Like, not a single board game or video game. I could probably beat him at a game of soccer. But I would definitely own his ass at Catch Phrase or Heads Up or Cards Against Humanity. 

[tomeebear04]

alot of people portray tord as some insane sociopath who doesn’t care about anyone and its particularly heightened in wtfuture content,that being said i personally dont mind these headcanons when i was younger i was totally in favor of tord being a villain but whats your opinion on it? From what ive seen red leader is especially abusive to future tom but i always thought the cast was pretty mean to eachother in the earlier eddisodes but just grew out of it,tord left before the rest of them stopped being so mean to eachother,now its more or less poking fun and annoying eachother here and there

do you think tord just didn’t get the memo and thought it was still okay to act like this? Im all for ‘edgier’ headcanons and story telling but i just personally think to an extent tord isn’t as much as an asshole as people try to make him out to be,at some point the cast have tried to kill eachother and tom literally did what he did in zanta claws (which i forgive him for <33) but i see alot more people give tord more flack than anyone,srry ab the long winded question but i am curious ab your answer ^^

this is a multi-part question so im going to number them to make it more readable lol. also dw about long asks; i like em. lover having conversations about the show with other people

the tord villain question. ah the thing that divides the eddsworld fandom to this day. my opinion on this is a little nuanced. i personally like that direction for his character. i think it's interesting. it recontextualizes a lot of his strange behaviors from earlier episodes. fan interpretation of the actual content of the end episodes have led to a lot of people hating that idea though. i can see why too. i'm not a fan on how people decided to portray tord afterwards. i don't think he was a nice or pleasant person from day one, but i definitely don't think he's a sociopath or psychopath or insane. well not any more insane than everyone else. there's a lot more going on with tord psychologically. he has shown to care about people to an extent. i definitely think he has some kind of personality disorder. i've seen fans discuss schizoid personality disorder and borderline personality disorder in regards to a diagnosis for tord. i don't know enough on the subject to comment either way. imo a good tord wouldn't lose any of the fun aspects of his personality to fit better into any given villain trope. trying to fit square peg in a circle hole, ya know?

tom abuse. this one im a hard no on. i dont know why this got so popular. tord and tom are rivals. making tord an abuser and tom his victim just seems wrong for their dynamic. a lot of that content is fetish driven...and well.. im not touching that topic with a 10 ft shit and piss covered pole. if you're gonna make tord terrible to tom, you have to make tom just as terrible back. they both get under each others skin. i prefer the idea that tord and tom are more friendly in wtfuture since edd is out of the picture. i mean tord has to like him enough to employ him. tom likes him enough to be able to borrow a time machine without much trouble. those are two emotional unstable buddies right there

everyone kinda sucks. this is just straight up true. everyone was out for blood early on in eddsworld. i mean just look at matt. that guy was straight up a menace. yeah the show changed a lot. the tone and the way characters treat each other softened. the tomee bear has a pretty good video on this. i don't disagree with much of what he says. it added a new way to view the end episodes which i greatly appreciate. i could see this being the direction they go for tord in canon

everyone elses crimes. when it comes to talking about the other characters crimes i'd say dont take it seriously if the show doesnt. tom's christmas demolition wasnt taken seriously at all as an act of domestic terrorism. it's a joke about tom's character taken to the extreme for comedy. most things they do are consequence-less. basically, only take it seriously when the show does. tord blowing up the house, killing jon, and betraying everyone was tonally a lot different from tom rapping about hating christmas and nuking bongland. that's the reason why people hate on tord for what he did a bit more. personally i hate tord for being an annoying gooner with confusing politics. but u know to each their own

[nekropsii]

im thinking about the relationship between kankri and porrim because its just so fucking WEIRD like theyre obviously important to eachother or care about eachother to some extent but we dont really know why?? like they dont seem to get along very well

she patronizes him constantly (which is VERY loaded considering they lived on fucking beforus) and ignores his boundaries (calling him patronizing nicknames he doesnt like, wiping his face while he tried to push her off) and he constantly makes insensitive bitchy bigoted comments that go against all of her values and make her angry

and theres not the same dynamic dolorosa and signless had where she raised him like theyre the same age so why do they even talk to eachother?? what is their relationship?? like were they childhood friends or something?? itd make sense if they were both a little different as kids and therefore got along better but then why do they still talk to eachother when they really dont now ITS SO WEIRD

It's... Complicated. They go way back, as far as I can tell.

The way I see it, they do not have a "Mother and Son" relationship- I find that most who assert this often place far too much maturity onto Porrim, who is literally 19 years old. It's more like an Adoptive/Found Sibling relationship between someone with a severe case of Eldest Daughter Syndrome and the social conditioning of a higher-end Midblood on Beforus, and someone with a chronic case of Only Child and the social conditioning of a Mutant Lime on Beforus. The relationship makes more sense to me when you view it this way. It's just... A fraught sibling relationship, formed under societal pressures we can't even fathom. Porrim Maryam, trained by society to cull those beneath her, trying hard not to, and for the most succeeding outside of someone very close to her, and Kankri Vantas, culled and isolated his whole life, becoming a total suck-up to the deeply misogynistic, ableist, hemoloyal culling system as both a method of self defense and as a wielding of the only weapon he really knows. It was used against him all the time, and it works, doesn't it? If sucking up to Able-Bodied Male Highbloods and ridiculing everyone beneath that golden standard is the best way to ensure safety, then he's gonna do it. He's essentially a lifelong voter for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party.

Ultimately, I think what keeps Porrim by his side is that... I think she believes in him. It's like watching yourself lose your sibling to the Alt-Right Pipeline. I think she thinks he doesn't actually believe most of what he's saying, and that this is all deeply reflexive. She's smart enough to recognize the real systemic issues at play here, and that he's essentially caught in chains between 5 different machines that all want him dead. And she's right. When you actually read the shit Kankri's saying, it becomes almost immediately apparent that he's spouting bullshit, and that he absolutely knows this. I think what keeps Kankri by her side is that he knows she cares about him. There isn't any denying it. She might infringe on boundaries, or be generally annoying to him, and keeps doing that frustrating little thing called seeing through his and everyone else's bullshit and calling them out on it- not just including but especially his- but she cares. I think he knows that at the end of all things what he'd have left is her. Is this to say that if you got Kankri to grow a spine and genuinely believe in things that aren't spoonfeedings of the latest Conservative Highblood Talking Point/Psy-Op, he'd be a good person? Hell no. No way. He has a raging savior complex and is way too eager to throw other people under the bus and insult/ridicule them to their faces. He's an asshole. Just completely slimy.

But, again, sibling relationships know no bounds. This kind of dynamic just feels so... Realistic to me. The way their relationship is so strained but still so strong and ongoing just feels so human. I don't know. This is pretty meandering, I just think about them a lot.

[inficetegodwottery]

So. Werewolf 5th Edition.

Werewolf 5th edition sucks. A lot.

Edit- I made some errors in my initial edit of this post that were fuelled entirely by being underinformed and almost insensible with anger, disappointment, and anxiety.

Some very informative responses have been made that I intend to incorporate into a much better and less rambling post with those updates and corrections. I'll probably delete this one soon as I type that one together, so folks only see the updated version.

Sorry for any mistakes I made on this old version, again, I was in an extremely poor place mentally and thoroughly dispirited by the total butchering of what was supposed to be a less shitty and mean-spirited version of a setting I care deeply for despite its foundational flaws and 30+ year history of exactly this thing happening.

I'm still very, very angry. But it's important to be angry and correct. This post was not made by someone informed of all the facts, and I intend to correct that.

Paradox Interactive has made the brave decision to reboot the controversial Werewolf the Apocalypse setting entirely rather than try and fix it, and have somehow done a worse job than the games studio that released an RPG book titled an ethnic slur.

It's taken me almost a month since this came out to be anywhere near mentally prepared enough to even collect my thoughts on it.

Man, it is rare to see an edition of ANYTHING that pisses off old players, new players, players who want to keep the lore the same, players who want to change the lore, conservative players, radical players, and even powergamers.

How do you set out with the intention of making an infamously dated and poorly researched/outreached setting LESS uncomfortable and racist from a modern perspective.... and end up with something EVEN MORE racist and uncomfortable, but also suffocatingly tonedeaf, insincere, and deeply sinister and corporate in its erasure of existing issues rather than addressing them whatsoever.

We made the Get of Fenris irredeemably evil because some of them in the past were nazis and also nazis like Germanic mythology, so the viking werewolves are all nazis now.

Okay, I understand why you did that from a modern political perspective even if its kind of heavy hand-

The Native American werewolf tribes have been removed entirely and replaced with American Murican werewolf tribes. Renaming and rewriting them to be more respectful was just too much work! Now they're more inclusive. :)

The Irish werewolf tribe is now the Nature Werewolves tribe, like every other tribe of Werewolves also is, but also stripped completely of celtic origins.

The Red Talons are openly genocidal ecofascist malthusians and somehow NOT IRREDEEMABLY EVIL like the Get of Fenris are.

Also the feminist all women werewolves are no longer all women or even feminist. AND ALSO SOME OF THEM ARE SOCIAL DARWINISTS AND THATS SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD THING!?!

Also we entirely dropped the themes about how forcing children to be a part of a war they barely understand while also lying to them about the crimes their ancestors committed that led to the current crisis is fucked up and evil.

Now its actually awesome to be a child soldier born into a repressive apocalyptic death cult with a siege mentality and everything is cool about that actually, you're the Good Guys, and no amount of covered-up historic genocides or internal/external bigotry will ever change that! :)

Also we solved the way people were uncomfortable with the idea that werewolf society is transitioning messily from being horrible ableist assholes that discriminated for centuries against those they view as deformed, disabled, or sexual deviants to new generations that don't care about that stuff, by removing disabled werewolves entirely! Problem solved! No more discomfort or moral conundrums! We are the liberal-est!

There's just something so unbelievably fucked up and suspicious about erasing entire minorities from a fictional universe because they were handled poorly in the first edition, rather than talking to writers and outreach specialists FROM the real world equivalents to those minorities to try and rewrite them.

Don't worry, we removed the group the setting was bigoted against! Problem solved! Just remove the minority!

I've written my own post on why the Metis/Crinos-born should be renamed and probably rewritten, but as a severely disabled individual with multiple hereditary disabilities that severely impact my QoL, outright removing disabled characters in a work of fiction because the prejudice other characters showed them in-universe made people uncomfortable makes me want to tear out someone's throat with my teeth.

Sure, completely remove my ability to play disabled a character fighting back against prejudice and bigotry, rather than rewrite the most uncomfortable aspects of YOUR FUCKING PORTRAYAL OF THOSE CHARACTERS to make it more clear who the sympathetic one is supposed to be.

It's just so unbelievably cowardly and whinging and wretched.

So fuck it, I guess!

Fuck the deeply applicable themes of being born into a well-intentioned but deeply flawed and bigoted society, and trying to create the better world your parents always told you your ancestors fought for, while dealing with the fact that your world is built on mass graves those ancestors helped fill.

Fuck a game that deals with intergenerational trauma and the ethical hellscape that is a highly religious society devoted to the very same ideals it often violates just to win fights against the enemies it created through its own arrogance and prejudice.

Fuck a game that lets you play someone born different, born strange and sickly, bouncing constantly between people who pity you and people who view you as subhuman, before finally finding the people, the family who love and accept and fight alongside you for a world that has never accepted you, but WILL FUCKING KNOW YOUR NAME.

That's not relevant to the real world at all!

There are no kids born in deeply flawed and hypocritical societies, who grew up on stories of the glorious future their society would create, forced then to reconcile the hopeful dreams of a better world with the comprehensive list of horrific things done in the name of that future.

There are no children born confused and alone in their navigation of the maze that is past atrocities, ethnic conflicts, religious prejudice and dogma, or modern propaganda attempting to erase the histories of all of those things.

There are no disabled teens who spent their lives believing they didn't belong in the world, kept going only by the connections they forged with other outsiders and people who fought back against the kind of wretched bigotry that suffocates children to death, who found homes and families they could trust outside the pissant communities they were born into.

Apparently those people don't need a game! They don't need to explore those feelings!

Just throw some more nazis in, so we can pretend we care about social issues or understand the redeeming threads of a deeply flawed gameline, ostensibly so we market it to leftist youngsters, but while we also erase the entire point of a game WHICH IS ALL ABOUT BEING PUNKASS YOUNGSTERS DESPERATELY TRYING TO FIND THE REDEEMING THREADS OF A DEEPLY FLAWED AND PREJUDICED SOCIETY THAT CONSTRAINS THEM, FINDING A WAY TO REBEL AGAINST BOTH THE EVILS OF THE RACIST BASTARDS WHO RAISED THEM AND THE POMPOUS SHITHEADS WHO WANT TO DESTROY THE WORLD OUT OF GREED.

No! We want a squeaky clean, sterile white game that AmericanTM parents can be proud of their kids for playing! A marketable game, that advertisers will gladly pay Revenue to put their products in! Play the good guys, everyone! You're the good guys! Be a big werewolf UwU!

Don't worry about historical atrocities or the flaws of the society that raised you! That's Pentex propaganda!

Fighting bad guys means you can't do anything bad yourself! The Emperor told me so! Deus Gaia Vult!

A hollow, performative, offensive jizzstain that should've been scrapped in its crib. I have no idea how this edition got past a quality assurance team.

Hell I have no idea how it got past a legal team, given the number of real peoples' likenesses they used without permission.

Devoid of artistic integrity or merit.

[eyesthatroll]

..rice pudding? | jake seresin

pairing: jake "hangman" seresin x fem!reader

warnings: pretty much just fluff, lowercase intended not really edited.

word count: 0.8k

summary: the next morning after you spent the night at jake's apartment for the first time

"i didn't know you could cook?" you say, the smell of pancakes and bacon invading your senses as you padded into the kitchen, still clad in your night clothes.

jake is shirtless, a pair of black nike sweats hanging dangerously low on his hips, the waistband of his calvin klein boxers just barely in view.

he turns to you, the sunlight shining through the window above the kitchen sink, reflecting beautifully against his sleepy eyes and tousled hair.

memories from last night of you tugging on those dirty blonde locks flash through your mind, and you feel your cheeks warm.

"there's a lot you don't know about me, darlin'" he teases, sending a playful wink your way before turning back to the stove.

you take a seat on the middle barstool at the granite island.

it was your first time spending the night at jake's apartment, and to be honest, you had expected to wake up before him and slip out the door, just to avoid any potential awkwardness. of course, you'd shoot him a text saying that you had a great night, and create a fake excuse of why you had to leave so soon. you really did like jake, and you weren't a total asshole to leave without a word.

but to your surprise, you woke up to an empty bed. an empty bed, and the sound of jake singing along to 'so caught up' by the tuskey brothers, downstairs. you’d stayed in bed for a few minutes before getting up, just enjoying the feeling of being enveloped by the intoxicating smell of jake.

though, in hindsight, you should have accounted for the fact that jake is a navy man, and that he probably wakes up early, if not earlier than you, on a regular basis.

the clink of a plate being sat in front of you brings you out of your head.

"what'cha thinkin' about?"

"you." you answer truthfully.

his ears tinge pink, and he lets out a chuckle before speaking. "let's see if there's somethin' on that plate you like."

you look down at the full plate of food. pancakes, eggs, bacon, and.. some sort of rice pudding?

you pick up your fork and warily dip it in the rice whatever it is.

jake laughs. "you've never had grits?"

"no, what is that?"

"you are such a city girl." he teases, shaking his head. "grits are like.. i don't know how to explain it.. like.. corn porridge."

your browns furrowed in confusion.

"what does it taste like?"

"just take a bite and try it, you weirdo."

slowly, you move the fork to your mouth.

the texture is strange at first, but it surprisingly taste good. very good.

jake looks at you with anticipation. "well?"

your lips lift into a grin. "that's really fucking good, jake."

"yeah?"

you go in for another bite. "when i die, bury me in this stuff."

jake laughs, absolutely enamored by your reaction to trying grits for the first time.

"i'm serious, i want this in my casket."

"if i'm still around, i'll do my best to make sure it happens."

the two of you spend the next half hour laughing, eating, feeding off of each others energy.

despite the big ego and slight superiority complex, jake is actually really great, and you could feel yourself falling in love with him in the future.

you had offered to do this dishes, you felt it was only right since jake did the cooking, but he insisted that he would get to them later.

which made you happy, because while you would've done them without complaining, you hated doing the dishes.

"what're your plans for the day?" he asks, opening the front door for you.

"uh, i don't think i have any, maybe some laundry and cleaning?"

jake nods. "well, if you're bored later tonight, a few co-workers and i are gonna go to the bar. you should come, i'd like for you to come-if you want?"

you fought the urge to squeal like a little girl. "yeah, that sounds fun. message me the details?"

"i will."

you go in for a hug, but jake wraps his arms around you and pulls you in for a kiss.

his lips are warm and soft, almost silken against your own, and unlike last night, the kiss is slow, passionate, allowing you to live in the moment and appreciate him and the way he feels.

jake's light stubble tickles against your chin, and you smile into the kiss, breaking apart for a gasp of air. "see you later, jake."

-

a/n;

i like this for now, but i'm sure if i re-read it in the next few days i'll hate it. anyways, any constructive criticism or advice is always welcome, i'm pretty new to writing so any tips you have are greatly appreciated. thanks:)

[imnameimswrld]

𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐬 ━━ insta updates

antonio_jg just added to their story !

[ caption 1: happy haps to my char bar ; caption 2: my double digits boy 😎, happy bday bud ! ]

antonio_jg

liked by charles_leclerc, celina_gmz, and 1 223 687 others

[ tagged: charles_leclerc ]

antonio_jg my birthday booyysss !!!

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celina_gmz happy birthday to you two !! ❤

⤿ charles_leclerc grazie zietta 🤗

[ liked by celina_gmz, antonio_jg ]

renée_watanabe hbd boys !! 🥰

[ liked by charles_leclerc ]

user ugh, I love them sm

user my lemoz 💛

user mateo is 10 already !? omg, I remember when he was so little !

⤿ antonio_jg haha right !? he needs to chill and stop growing 🤚

charles_leclerc could never have shared a birthday with a more cooler person 😎

⤿ antonio_jg hey, what about me ?

⤿ landonorris mate, teo is way cooler than you

⤿ charles_leclerc agreed

⤿ carlossainz55 agreed

⤿ danielricciardo agreed

⤿lewishamilton agreed

⤿ lilymhe agreed

⤿ maxverstappen1 agreed

⤿ antonio_jg the hell.

user so THIS is how you summon the f1 grid...

lando.jpg

liked by renée_watanabe, carlossainz55, and 678 373 others

[ tagged: antonio_jg, renée_watanabe, charles_leclerc ]

lando.jpg shots of last night – happy birthday charlie !! 🥂

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charles_leclerc when did you take that picture of me ???

⤿ lando.jpg when you were absolutely hammered mate 😌

user the girl ??? 👀

⤿ user chilll, it's just tony's bsf renée

⤿ user doesn't mean something potential couldn't happen...

⤿ user bruv, renèe watanabe is gay – how do you NOT know her ????

⤿ user sorry, I don't listen to gay artists.

⤿ antonio_jg you're missing out big time.

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antonio_jg I'm still gonna get riccy d for pushing me into that pool

⤿ danielricciardo pushed ? mate, all I did was brush the vodka from your chest and you went stumbling in

⤿ lando.jpg lies, nio he TOTALLY pushed you in, I saw it

⤿ danielricciardo asshole you weren't even THERE, too busy puking your guts out in the bathroom

⤿ user LMAO 🤣 😭

charles_leclerc added to their story !

[ caption 1: last night's appetizers ; caption 2: just a little appreciation post for my best guy 😊 ]

[familyvideostevie]

Omggggggg I’m the anon who called you emmy im emma-barrassed (bye)

I have an apology request if you will consider!! For roosty - what about the first time you call him bradley? Like you’ve known him as rooster for whatever reason and then in all the flirty banter that comes pre-relationship, bradley slips out and for him it ✨feels fuzzy✨ idk I think you have such a talent for writing in the non reader pov in complete sincerity bye ily emmA

please don't be embarrassed!! :) this request was so fun and i think i went way overboard with it. but here you go! | fem!reader, fluff, pre-relationship, 1.6k

It's Natasha who brings you around. Phoenix has a much healthier social life than the rest of them and more non-Navy friends than Rooster, Hangman, and Bob combined. 

Actually, Bradley isn't totally sure about Bob. The man manages to be a mystery, even still. 

Not the point. Phoenix brings you to a night out and Bradley almost chokes on his beer. You trail behind her as you walks over to the group, looking like the prettiest thing he's ever seen. He's flown over mountain ranges and seen the Northern Lights twice and felt the cool kiss of sea air after he thought he'd die in the sky but even still, you seem to rewire his entire brain. He wonders if this is what his dad felt like when he saw his mom.

His heart races in his chest and he wills himself to keep it cool. You're meeting a bunch of navy guys for the first time and he'll be damed if he pulls a Hangman and tries to pick you up right away. 

He just wants to know your name. And your phone number. But that can wait.

"Alright, assholes, listen up," Phoenix calls. "Fall in." There are eye rolls and snickers but everyone shifts so that you have a clear view of the group. "Coyote, Payback, Fanboy, Bob, who you've met before, Hangman, and Rooster." Your gaze goes down the line as she introduces everyone -- Bob gets a smile from you and damn, Bradley wants to be on the receiving end of one of those -- and when Phoenix tells you his callsign, he salutes. You huff a laugh. "They all have real names, but you have to talk to them for those."

"Welcome to beer night, civilian," Hangman says. Bradley fights the urge to roll his eyes. "Gonna tell us who you are?"

He has to hand it to you -- you don't look nervous to be with a new group of people at all. You speak for the first time, telling everyone your name and Bradley swallows at the sound of it. Pretty name for a pretty girl. 

"Now the real question," says Bob, "is what you're having to drink."

You come around to most of the group gatherings after that, becoming close with some of the girlfriends and making sure to chat with the guys, too. Bradley doesn't want to get his hopes up, but he thinks you talk to him the most. About music, his car, your job, flying. Anything at all, you can turn it into an hours-long conversation with him. 

Not only that, but he knows you're flirting with him. Well, he's pretty sure. And obviously, he's flirting with you. Your hand is always on his arm, his shoulder, his elbow. He's almost positive you look at his lips a fair amount when you're talking. But, most importantly, you seem to feel comfortable around him, moving in and out of his space without hesitation, handing him your drink when you got the bathroom. At the very least you like him enough to trust him. 

There's just one hangup. You only ever call him Rooster.

That is probably mostly his fault. He's never actually told you his name is Bradley, though he knows you know it, since you've heard the others use it. Maybe you think he doesn't want you to call him that. 

But then. Oh, but then. 

Tonight is another regular beer night. Bradley is holding your drink because Phoenix beckoned you off to the bathroom for what looked like some urgent business he does not need to know about. His eyes scan the room out of habit and he wonders if anyone would be down to get some food at the drive-thru down the road. He's DD tonight and man, he's hungry.

"Bradley," someone says. He blinks once, twice, because he's swears that's your voice, and then your hand is on his elbow and it really is you. His stomach feels like he's flying upside down. His name sounds totally new from your mouth. He loves��it.

"Yeah?" he says, looking at you. Phoenix is nowhere to be found and you look...nervous? He's not seen this expression of yours before. It makes the swooping in his stomach turn sour. "Hey, are you okay?"

You soften at his concern. God, you're pretty. "I'm fine," you say. "It's just --" You look over your shoulder and he sees Phoenix leaving the bar with someone she's clearly taking home. "You're DD, right?"

"For anyone who needs a ride, yeah," he says. "And it looks like your ride just left. Damn, good for her." You laugh and Bradley relishes the sound. 

"Do you mind driving me home? When you want to leave, I mean?" He realizes he's still holding your drink and he holds it out for you to take. Your fingers brush his and he fights the urge to run his thumb over the back of your hand. 

"'Course I don't mind," he says. "Y'know, I'm kind of hungry. Maybe you finish that and we go get something to eat?"

"I'll do you one better." You hold up a finger, telling him to wait, and turn to look for someone in the crowd. "Hey, Hangman!" you call. Seresin appears moments later, smirk firmly in place. 

"How can I help you, my dear?" Bradley doesn't hide his eye roll this time. You hold out your beer.

"Bradley and I are leaving," you tell him. Hangman's eyebrows disappear into his hairline, but he takes your beer. His eyes bounce between the two of you, but you don't back down from the implication that you're leaving...together. Bradley tries to squash the unnecessary and unwarranted male pride he feels. 

"Are you now," Hangman drawls. "Well, alright then. You kids have fun." He takes a sip of your beer and inclines his head at Bradley just a bit. 

"Does everyone else have a ride?" Bradley calls. The rest of the crew nod, and he guides you out of the bar with a light hand on your back. 

"Thank you," you tell him once you're outside. "Natasha said you'd say yes, but I didn't want to assume." He wants to tell you he'd drive to the other side of the damn country if you asked him to.

"You're a good wingwoman," he says instead. But he can't help himself. "I'll always give you a ride home." You flash him a shy smile and he returns it. You called him Bradley. "You want to get some food?"

You hop into the Bronco. "Hell yeah I do, Bradshaw." It's actually embarrassing how his heart skips a beat this time. He waits for you to click your seatbelt before he backs out of the parking lot.

"So, give me the details on this guy Phoenix left with. If that's allowed." You turn your entire body to face him before launching into the story of how she met him a few weeks ago and actually he's been texting her and Bradley doesn't reallyhear all of the details because he just likes to listen to your voice. God, he wishes he could look at you properly. You talk with your hands and chew on your lip as you try to recall specifics. He thinks he might be obsessed with you.

"This is nice," you say suddenly, and he realizes the story is over. He turns to look at you for half a second and finds you staring out the window. "Hanging out, just us. We should do it more often." You sound soft, maybe even a little unsure. 

"You think so?" he says lightly. You turn back to look at him and he eyes you as he drives. Your eyes on him feel like a trail of fire. He almost pulls over so he can hold your gaze.

"I do," you say softly. He hums, unable to stop his mouth from curling up at the edges. He taps his thumbs on the steering wheel again.

"Me too," he says. "Anytime you want." He means it.

"I'll hold you to it, Bradley," you say. He pulls to a stop at the red light just before the drive-thru and turns to look at you. You've got mischief in your eyes. Oh, now he's sure you've been using his name on purpose. 

"Wanna explain that?" he says, dipping his chin and raising his eyebrows. You turn away from him and tilt your nose up in the air. 

"Explain what?" you say primly. You're going to make him work for it, make him admit that he likes it. He finds that he doesn't mind. 

"You've always called me Rooster." The light changes but there's no one behind him so he doesn't move for a few seconds so you'll look at him again. You do. He feels his breath catch and he has to swallow.. "Why the change?"

"Bradley, the light," you say. He turns back to the road and drives. The air in the cab of the Bronco shifts suddenly and from the corner of his eye he sees you steel yourself and reach out slowly, ever so slowly, to brush back some of the fringe that's fallen on his forehead before pulling back.

He inhales sharply. "I wanted to try it out," you say. He turns into the drive-thru lane and pulls behind the few cars in line. "Is it ok?"

Now that the car is fully stopped, he shifts in his seat to turn to you. He loves the dance, he loves the chase, he loves this push and pull, but more than anything he wants what's next. So he decides to lay all of his cards on the table. "Sweetheart," he says. Your eyes widen. "I think you could call me anything you wanted and I'd like it."

"I'll keep that in mind," you say. And then the tension snaps and you burst in to laughter, reaching out to rest a hand on his bicep as you do so. He catches your giggles, feeling lighter than he has in ages. Yeah, he thinks. This is just the beginning. 

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