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bluemari23 · 4 months

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darl+ing you || choi seungcheol

summary: You were on your way to South Korea, leaving your life behind to follow your soulmate back home. Your anxiety runs amok, and Seungcheol tries his best to get to know you better. pairing: choi seungcheol x neurodivergent reader genre: soulmate au, soul bonds, fluff, angst, idol au warnings: major angst, some light fluff, airport mayhem, angry cheol (not at mc), sneaky jeonghan ofc, word count: 2.8k new _world / part 2 of ?

masterlist

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You truly weren’t sure how to do this. You had been alone forever and didn’t know how to adjust to suddenly having someone in your presence, wanting to be in your presence.

You were at the airport, your flight with Seungcheol, he insisted you call him Cheol or another nickname but you weren’t too comfortable with that yet, leaving at almost 5 am this morning. So, you arrived at around 2 am, a driver coming to pick you up, ordered by HYBE.

After packing yesterday, you realized that Seungcheol only had what he was wearing when he was transported, so you took him to the store to try and grab a couple of items for him to last until we got to Korea and he was able to get back home. He pouted almost the entire time, claiming he didn’t need anything, but you just ignored him.

Once at the airport, you had to go through customs and security, which you thought would take longer with Seungcheol not having any of his things. But you were proven wrong when the driver had handed you a soulmate passport, made specifically for those with the soul transport bond that had been transported into a different country. This meant that you had the same privilege and status as your soulmate.

After going through customs, you and Seungcheol were led to a separate lounge, away from other people, besides a security member that had been assigned by Seungcheol’s company to stay with you until you both got to South Korea.

“It’s okay, baby.” Seungcheol whispers into your ear, trying to ease your anxiety as he places his palm on your thigh, causing your leg to stop shaking up and down. You freeze again, so unused to any affection but he doesn’t act like he notices, instead choosing to rub his thumb against your legging covered thigh.

You were anxious about everything right now.

You were trying to ignore the thoughts circling in your head about being unlovable, the television program’s voice just ringing in your head. It was hard to overcome the cemented feeling of being unlovable and an outsider and then all of a sudden that idea being thrown out at the appearance of your soulmate in your bed.

You slowly relax into his touch despite your thoughts, causing a small smile to grow on his lips. He had a feeling your life was tough before he showed up, literally. He wanted to know everything about you, the way you took your coffee, if you were an artist of some type, what your favorite song was; he wanted to know anything you were willing to tell him.

You felt the same, wishing to know who the person behind the screen was. You felt so comfortable with him already, not having the usual tense reaction to touch that you usually experienced. You felt like your body and soul had already accepted your bond, they were just waiting for your mind to join in.

“I’m just nervous, I guess.” You let out a little breathy, wanting to take full advantage of having a bond. You’ve always dreamed of being bonded, and you weren’t gonna let anyone take it away from you. “All of this is so…new.” You threw your hands up, gesturing to everything around you.

Seungcheol turned in his seat to face you, his hand still working small circles into your thigh. He could see how much you lean into his touch; how much you crave that intimate feeling his touch could bring you. He was so happy to have a soulmate, and he was going to do everything in his power to prove to you that you were his and that he was going to treat you like a queen.

But, before he could say anything, give any reassurance to you, his phone began to ring. He moved forward quickly, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead as he put an arm around you and pulled you into his chest to your head rested on his shoulder. Then, pulling his phone out of his pocket, he realized it was a facetime call from Hoshi, but he knew that all of his members were probably going to be on the other end.

With you still in his arms, he answered the facetime. There were so many faces trying to push their way into the screen, whether to see you or to hide others, Seungcheol didn’t know, but it made him grin either way.

You remained frozen as you watched the members of Seventeen, besides your soulmate, fight over the phone. This was just another reality check for your new world, being a part, even if it’s a small part, of the idol scene.

Eventually, they all backed away from the screen as Mingyu balanced the phone on something so they could all be in screen. You look up at Seungcheol to see if this was normal, only to see him smiling at the screen with fondness, before looking back at the phone.

So many questions start at once, everyone having something to say to you and their leader.

“Okay guys. One at a time.” Seungcheol finally manages out between laughter as you tense up at the loud noises coming from them.

“Can she understand Korean?”

“Are you guys at the airport already?”

Those were the two questions you could make out, as they all tried talking at once again. You were frozen, shy at all of the members looking at you. You almost turned your head into Seungcheol’s shoulder, trying to hide your shyness and the blush creeping up your cheeks.

Seungcheol could tell as well, squeezing your shoulder in his grasp before moving his arm to rest at your waist, holding you to his side for comfort before answering.

“She does understand some Korean, but you need to speak slowly for her to understand. She is Seungkwan and Vernon’s age. She is a carat. And we are in one of the private lounges at the airport.” Seungcheol answered the questions he heard, some shouts of excitement from the two ’98 liners being heard in the background as he answers Dino’s question.

“It is very nice to see you, Y/n. We can’t wait to get to know you better when you get here.” Woozi spoke softly but was still heard by you as he waved to you. He spoke slowly enough for you to understand, thankfully. You were still a bit shy, but you knew you needed to be polite and respond to him, plus, you wouldn’t turn away the opportunity to speak to members from one of your favorite groups.

“It is nice to see you all, too. I—uhm, I’m excited to get to know you all as well.” You respond in your best Korean receiving a big smile from all the boys, but the biggest grin from your soulmate who leans down and kisses you on the head, unable to help himself.

The call is cut short from the hired security coming in to tell you both that he was ready to board the plane with you and your luggage. You only had a carry-on and a suitcase as well as your personal backpack that had your purse in it while Seungcheol had borrowed one of your duffel bags for the things you bought him and the stuff he was transported in.

“We are about to board so we got to go, but I’ll text you when we get in the air.” Seungcheol ends the phone call after several thousand goodbyes are said.

Once he puts his phone away, he leans down and grabs the handle for your suitcase while you put your backpack on and grab the handle to your carryon. Once he puts his duffle on his arm, he grabs your hand to hold in his and the both of you follow the security to the first class entrance.

You felt like you were in a trance, having flown only a couple of times and being in economy every time. First Class was so extravagant looking. Everything was clean and you definitely felt out of place as you walked forward, Seungcheol leading you to your seats. As you passed by the other seats, you noticed a small blanket, eye-mask, and earbuds were placed on each seat as well as a water bottle and an empty champagne glass. The seats reclined into a bed and there was even a small side table and television in each seat pod.

When you got to your seats, Seungcheol surprised you by placing your stuff in the overhead compartments and helping you into your seat-pod. You didn’t expect for him to do this, to take care of your things and you before himself.

You had a feeling that your wishes for a soulmate were actually manifested in Seungcheol. Yes, you were a carat and knew he liked to take care of his members, but you weren’t a member and you were used to having to do everything yourself, always being overlooked and forced to be hyper-independent. It was such a nice thing that you almost began to tear up as he made you sit down as he opened your water bottle for you.

“Why are you crying, baby?” He questioned you softly, leaning down to look you in the eye. You didn’t think he would notice, but he did. Which was something you were sure you would need to get used to.

“I’m not used to others taking care of me.” You whisper, answering without thinking, still too in your head over your soulmates caring actions.

Seungcheol can’t help but to get a little angry inside, nodding his head at your words. He swears in his head to anyone listening that you will always be taken care of with him. He loves how open you are being with him though, that you feel safe enough with him to tell him to truth about your feelings.

“I will always take care of you, my soul” He cups your cheeks softly, tilting your head downward so he could place another soft kiss on your temple, resting his lips there for a couple seconds before getting up on his feet and moving to his own seat. He doesn’t miss the blush on your cheeks though, beaming to himself that he can make you so flustered so easily.

-*-*-

You spend the rest of your flight playing twenty questions with your soulmate, Seungcheol having managed to put the divider between your seats down so you could see each other. It was a nice time, truly, just getting to know your soulmate without the pressure of everything you knew was going to happen when you get to South Korea.

Once you touch down, your peaceful atmosphere was unfortunately broken. Before you got off the plane, Seungcheol receives a call from his manager who was waiting outside for you, that it has been leaked what had happened the past couple days and that the airport was swarmed with fans and paparazzi, waiting for you two.

You could see Seungcheol was upset, his jaw tense and his grip tight on your hand as he holds you still. You didn’t know what was going on, only that you had to stay on the plan for a little bit longer while HYBE security and the airport security do their thing.

Seungcheol remained on his phone, talking fast as he tries to ensure your safety while now bringing you into his embrace, holding you like he did in your room the morning before. His chin was resting on the top of your head as your cheek rested against his chest, feeling the vibrations coming through your cheek as he talked to another person on the phone.

You stayed on the plane for an additional twenty minutes before someone Seungcheol recognized came onto the plane and over to you.

“We have a route out and to the car. You can leave your things here. We will grab them.” The large man spoke to Seungcheol, before looking toward you and giving you a small smile with a nod of his head.

“Okay. Come on baby.” Seungcheol looks down at you before pulling away. He grabs your hand again without even thinking about it and begins to lead you out of the plan. He holds you closely to him, your shoulders brushing against each other as you walk out to the plane and are suddenly surrounding by maybe ten large men, formed into a circle around you.

You keep your head down as soon as you see the lights flashing ahead of you. You can feel Seungcheol hold you even closer, cursing under his breath at the amount of people waiting for you both. Once you got into the crowd, despite being surrounded by guards, you were scared. You felt like you dissociated once the flashes started, but you were brought back by a tug on your shirt.

Despite the number of guards near you, someone managed to get their arm through them and latched their hand onto your shirt, tugging you to the side, and in turn, tugging on Seungcheol who had a tight grip on you. It was a split second, but the damage was already done. You could hear screams but you were now moving quickly, Seungcheol beyond angry and more guards came over.

You could feel the tears building in your eyes, falling because you were too scared to wipe them away. You were too scared to move your body in fear of being grabbed again.

You hadn’t even realized you had gotten outside and to the car when Seungcheol had opened the door for you and helped you in first. You saw someone sitting in one of the seats from the corner of your eye, but you kept your head down, flashing lights continuous in your vision until Seungcheol got in and the door was closed behind him.

You were frozen, trying to calm yourself down as Seungcheol moves closer, buckling your seatbelt for you and sitting as close to you as possible.

“I am so sorry, baby. I can’t believe we got leaked!” Seungcheol pushes out the last sentence in anger. He was so mad about the entire situation and was beyond worried for you. He could tell that what happened had scared you; you hadn’t spoken to him since the plane and you were practically shaking like a leaf.

Seungcheol was scared. He couldn’t protect you in that moment and he almost lost you to someone tugging on your shirt. He had just found you and then almost lost you in a second. It would not happen again.

Seungcheol only pulled you closer to him, hoping his presence would be a comfort for you before he turned to the other person in the car.

“So, how did you win the competition to be here?” His voice was tense, understandably, but you could still hear some fondness in his tone as he spoke to the other person. You still hadn’t looked up yet.

“I snuck in while everyone else was freaking out.” Jeonghan teased, hoping to get you to look up at him. He wanted to ease the discomfort and fear he knew you were probably feeling right now. They were used to this. You were not.

Jeonghan’s words had you looking up though, eyes red and puffy from your silent crying breaking both of their hearts. Seungcheol hadn’t even realized you were crying and made himself a mental reminder to do his best to pamper you tonight.

“Have the company found the leak?” Seungcheol asked, his hand squeezing your won tightly still, not having let go since you got into the car. You could hear the anger lacing his voice, his determination to keep you safe only doubling.

“They have. And they’ve been fired. It seems that someone overheard a conversation about your announcement to us. Everyone has been dealt with.” Jeonghan didn’t hold back, knowing how his leader and friend got when something went wrong. No one wanted to get in their leader’s way when something happened to one of their members. He could only imagine how amplified that would be now with you.

“Good.” Seungcheol ended that conversation, quickly moving onto another, more light discussion when he noticed your eyes begin to glaze over. He could tell something was wrong, but he would wait until you were both alone to talk to you about it.

You remained quiet as you listened to Jeonghan regal the tale of what happened when they realized what had happened to Seungcheol and how excited the other members were to meet you. Hoshi and DK already fighting over who would be your best friend while Joshua and Mingyu were trying to figure out what kind of welcome gift to get you.

It seemed like the members were more excited to meet you than you could have imagined.

#scoups seventeen #seventeen soulmate au #seventeen headcanons #seventeen x reader #scoups fluff #scoups x reader #scoups soulmate #svt scoups x reader #svt scoups #soulmates #soul bonds #bluemari23

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collidedscope · 2 years

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“i’m literally neurodivergent and a minor”ing a fucking dragon is a power move, i will not lie😭

#d20 #dimension 20 #fantasy high #adaine abernant #i speak

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ladamedusoif · 7 months

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able

(Joel Miller x disabled F!Reader)

Pairing: Joel Miller x Disabled F!Reader

Summary: "I just don't think she'll be able for patrol". But then it's just you, Joel, and your trusty walking stick in the middle of nowhere...

Content/warnings: Reader is disabled (she has rheumatoid disease/arthritis in addition to panic attacks, she uses a walking stick as necessary); Reader had a sister; Reader is an art teacher; strong violence; blood; description of panic attack; references to impact of chronic illness and disability; references to medication; references to disease and death; non-canon compliant; Jackson!Joel; strong language; ableist language and abusive language

Rating: Mature; 18+ MDNI

Word Count: ~3.7k

A/N: After making a plea earlier in the week for people to actually write disabled Reader fic, as opposed to forcing writers to feel they have to tag literally everything in an able-bodied Reader story, I knew I had to put my money where my mouth was as a disabled, neurodivergent writer with various mental health things going on here and there. And this one-shot is the result.

This one is a little personal. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid disease about ten years ago, and Reader’s experiences are informed by my own (though, thankfully, I haven’t had to contend with an apocalypse that meant I couldn’t access the medication that has kept me going). She’s also inspired by @agentjackdaniels, who acted as consultant extraordinaire on walking sticks and panic attacks, and suggested the Joel picture for the moodboard. Thank you, Luce, for this, for fighting the good fight for representation in fic - and for beta-ing the story.

(A note on terminology: rheumatoid disease/arthritis are sometimes used interchangeably. ‘Arthritis’ often sounds like it’s ‘just’ osteoarthritis to people who don’t know the difference. Rheumatoid, unlike osteoarthritis (which is shitty in its own ways), is a systemic, lifelong, chronic illness and an auto-immune disorder that affects the entire body, not just bones and/or joints. So personally I use ‘rheumatoid disease’ as it conveys more of the impact of the condition. It's also often seen as an 'old person' disease but this simply isn't true - not that this stops mobility aids being modelled by people in their 80s all the time...)

Please follow my writing blog @ladameecrit and turn on notifications to stay up to date with my work.

Dividers by @saradika - moodboard by me

You weren’t supposed to make it.

Twenty-odd years in the apocalypse with your fucked-up joints and no steady supply of the meds that kept you going, pushing through the cycles of fatigue, and fighting off your own goddamned immune system as much as you were fighting clickers and raiders.

You really weren’t supposed to make it. But you had Annie.

You were sharing an apartment when the outbreak happened, a quirk of shitty personal circumstances - she’d just broken up with her long-term boyfriend - that probably helped save your life. Annie was the all-action sister - the kind of person who thinks there’s nothing weird about spending your weekends doing triathlons and “Tough Mudder” challenges, who had a perfect bill of health your entire lives, who bounced out of bed in the mornings while you cracked and creaked and stiffly manoeuvered yourself into being.

The good days generally outweighed the bad in the years between your diagnosis with rheumatoid disease and the initial outbreak - or maybe you had just gotten used to the aches and pains and the occasional flare-ups of fatigue. You invested in a walking stick to help on those days when mobility was particularly bad: solid, heavy, and carved in a pale yellow wood. It felt like a comfort in your hand, more a sign of strength, to you, than of weakness.

Annie helped you through the panic attack that consumed you on outbreak day, working with you to regulate your breathing and relax your tense muscles until you could finally say what was on your mind.

“My meds. What am I going to do without my meds?”

Nothing a quick smash and grab at the local pharmacy couldn’t fix. It was the first of many, stockpiling the little yellow tablets you relied on and taking as many packs of over-the-counter painkillers as you could carry. Useful currency in the apocalypse, as it turned out.

All-Action Annie was never going to cope with life in a QZ. She got the two of you out after months of planning, nights of whispered talk about a town out west that was normal - or something close to it, anyway. She hadn’t entertained your protestations about you slowing her down, holding her back.

“You think I’m leaving behind a girl who’s so handy with a weapon?” she’d teased, pointing to your walking stick. “Be real. We’re busting out together.”

The infection took hold in her about three days from Jackson. Fuckin’ barbed wire, tearing a jagged line through Annie’s hand and leaving behind an old-fashioned kind of threat to life, the kind penicillin had mostly dealt with. But that was then. This was now.

She died in an abandoned farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, you holding her hand until the end, talking to her about your childhoods and trying to keep smiling until she closed her beautiful eyes.

It took all your strength to dig her grave. And then, somehow, you found more.

You weren’t supposed to make it. But you did.

Jackson stands before you.

He sees you for the first time in the community dining hall, talking animatedly to Maria as you hungrily devour the food set in front of you. Eyes wide, face grubby, clothes ragged. Half-wild, he thinks, like most of the new arrivals. Like him and Ellie, once upon a time. He returns to his bowl of soup and his own thoughts - at least, until he’s interrupted by Maria.

“Joel? Want to introduce a new member of the community, just arrived.”

He doesn’t quite know why he’s surprised when he realises you’re leaning on a sturdy hand-carved walking stick in a solid, light yellow wood. Maybe it’s because he knows how physically hard it is to get here. Maybe he just assumed folks who needed a stick wouldn’t have been able to manage the journey.

For a second he can hear Sarah’s voice in his head, chiding him for focusing on what a disabled person can’t do instead of what they can.

“Joel?”

He snaps out of his reverie and looks from Maria to you. “Uh, hi. Sorry, just…sorry. Forgot my manners.”

“I was just saying how glad we are to have someone who can offer some art education in the town, isn’t that right, Joel?”

Your eyes are warm and mischievous as you meet his gaze, silently conveying your amusement at Maria’s rather brusque manner. It’s all Joel can do not to laugh.

“Sure is. You’re an artist, then?”

You shake your head. “Not a real one. I was an art teacher, before. Long time since I created anything, though, so I hope I remember how.”

He smiles softly, his gruff exterior receding a little. “Bet it’s just like riding a bike,” he says, before his face falls as he looks at your walking stick. “Oh, shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean… Shit. Hope I didn’t offend.”

“As it happens, I can ride a bike, Joel. The apocalypse just doesn’t give me much cause to.”

You leave him with a smile and a wink as Maria ushers you to meet other townsfolk. He watches you as you walk away, the tap-tap-tapping of your stick beating out a new rhythm in the heart of Jackson.

You think of Annie every morning when you wake up in the little house you’d been assigned. Sometimes, as you potter around the kitchen, still revelling in the novelty of making yourself morning coffee for the first time in two decades, you even talk to her. You tell her about the town, the townsfolk, your work in the community vegetable garden, your art classes.

“Honestly, An, you wouldn’t believe how popular they are,” you tell the Annie who, in an alternate universe, is sitting at the kitchen table with her own mug of coffee. “I’m setting up extra sessions to cater for demand.”

There’s something uplifting in how hungry the people of Jackson are to make art, no matter their experience or existing skill level. They’ll draw stuff from memory, they’ll dutifully work on a still life, they’ll even traipse outside with you, wooden sketching boards in hand, and make rapid-fire sketches of the goings-on on Main Street.

Joel doesn’t join a class - but the teenage girl Maria refers to as “Joel’s kid” does, all potty-mouthed and enthusiastic and pretty damned talented, to boot. Ellie tells you how she’s pinned up the drawings she’s proudest of in their home, “like our own fuckin’ art gallery or some shit.”

You pull up a tall stool and sit beside her, resting your stick over your thighs. “Joel’s got his guitar and those dumbass model figures he paints,” she continues, leaning around her easel and squinting at the woman who’d volunteered to act as a life model for this week’s classes. “But this shit? This is real art.” She adds a little highlight to the woman’s sweater and leans back to assess the work.

“You probably got exempt from patrols, I’m guessing. On account of the stick, an’ all.”

“Maria asked, and I signed up happily. I got all the way here, didn’t I? I’m sure I can manage patrols. And it’s the least I can do - they’ve even found me some of the medications I need.”

Ellie nods, somewhat convinced, and returns to sketching out the contours around the model’s jaw.

The day of your first patrol arrives. You bundle up and set out early for the stables, allowing extra time to get there on account of the flare-up you’d been experiencing the day before.

You arrive early - just in time, in fact, to overhear a heated conversation between Joel and Maria.

“She’s doing enough, ain’t she? I just don’t think she’ll be able for patrol.”

“You’ve seen her out and about, Joel. She’s mobile. She’s competent. She’s good with the horses. She got all the way here, the last stretch on her own. What more proof do you need?”

“You’re seriously gonna send a woman with a walking stick out on patrol?”

“I seriously am. Sent you and your bad back out, didn’t we?”

“That ain’t the same and you know it.”

“Just saddle the horses, Joel. And, in case you’re wondering - yes, I paired you together deliberately, just until she gets settled.” You hear her footsteps recede as she leaves him.

You had misjudged how much your already-limited grip would be further impeded by the gloves you’re wearing. The stick clatters to the ground.

“Who’s there?”

You emerge from the shadows. “Me. Sorry.”

Joel rolls his eyes and gruffly points out the tack and supplies.

The first patrol passes in silence. You wonder what happened to the softer man you’d caught a glimpse of the first day you arrived.

On the second patrol, you ask him questions about himself. On the third patrol, he asks (fewer) questions about you. By the fourth, you’re having something approximating normal conversation.

“Sarah loved to make all kinds of stuff,” he ventures, leading the way on his chestnut horse. “Those beaded bracelets, that girly Lego in the pink and purple, all of that. My girl had enough Magic Markers to supply a whole elementary school. Maybe two.”

You can hear him smile, even without seeing his face. His shoulders relax a little as he recalls the memory.

“So she was a creative kid?”

“Creative, sporty… she could do anything. Made the school soccer team, she was so proud. Just a…” He pauses. “A great kid.”

There’s a few beats of silence, punctuated only by the sound of the horses snickering and the steady rhythm of their hooves on the ground.

“What about your sister, was she arty like you?”

You’d told him about Annie on the last patrol. This was the first time he’d asked about her explicitly.

“She was the sporty one. I think that’s why I survived so long, truth be told. She was so strong and fast and tough as fuck.”

He chuckles, the burr of his voice resonating in the cold air. “Sounds like a good balance, though.”

“It is - it was. Was.” Your voice grows quieter as you repeat the word to yourself, chest starting to tighten. The horse slows, responding to the tension of your body, as Joel continues to trot on, not realising you’ve come to a halt behind him.

And then the tell-tale snapping of a twig, the sound of footsteps, and the realisation there’s someone else there, emerging out of the woods. Two someones.

Raiders.

The panic attack that has been building inside you gives way. An innate fight or flight response kicks in as you roar his name.

Joel turns and charges back towards you, just in time to see you take out one raider with a crack shot from your pistol. He slows the horse and readies his rifle, staring at the other man who is now trying to haul you off your mount.

“Get the fuck off me, motherfucker!” You flail against him, desperately shifting your weight to the other side of the saddle to try to shake him off.

Joel takes aim.

You think you’ve kicked the raider off. And that’s when you hit the ground.

He can’t take the shot now, not with her half-hidden from his view and audibly fighting off the man who’s dragged her to the ground. Joel is still a little distance away, slightly too far to see exactly what’s happening.

Why didn’t he hear her slowing? Why didn’t he realise she was further behind than she ought to be? Why did she slow in the fuckin’ first place?

Joel quickly dismounts, rifle in hand, moving closer so he can get a clearer shot at the guy who’s now standing over her. The horse’s elegant neck obscures the raider’s hands from Joel’s vision - he has no idea if he’s pointing a gun at her or not.

He thinks he has a clear sight on the guy’s head, provided he stays in the same position. He readies the rifle.

Suddenly, the raider disappears, letting out a primal roar before he hits the ground.

“You fucking cunt!”

Joel can see she’s standing now, the man prone before her. As he rounds the horse he sees her lift her cane, hands securely gripping the pointed end of the stick.

She brings the solid, weighty handle down on the raider’s leg with a sickening crunch. Even Joel recoils a little at the sight and the sound.

“F-f-fucking…c-c-cunt!”

Thwack. The other leg.

Fuck. She knows exactly what she’s doing.

”Keep calling me that, and I’ll keep the blows coming.”

Holy fuck. Who is she?

”C-c-c-cripple.”

”Excuse me?”

The raider props himself up on his arms. “I said, cripple. Fucking crippled cunt.”

“You shut your fuckin’ mouth.” Joel cocks his rifle.

The stranger sneers at Joel. “Awww, he’s actin’ the big man now. Weren’t too quick gettin’ back down here to save your cripple woman, were ya?”

Before Joel can react, she swings her stick over her head and brings it down on the man’s skull with a furious scream that seems to come from the very depths of her being.

She screams and screams as she hits him, over and over, eyes wild in her blood-spattered face. Joel recognises this: in himself; hell, in Ellie. It’s the moment when the floodgates open and all those years of pain blend together and zone in on this convenient target, an avatar for everyone and everything who had forced loss and trauma upon you.

He roars at her to stop, but knows she can’t hear him. It’s just her and the raider, now: her rage and fear and grief finding their expression through a walking stick turned cudgel.

A single shot ends it. She turns sharply, as if snapped out of a trance, and sees the smoke leaving Joel’s pistol.

“Hey. Hey. You alright?” His broad hands grip your biceps as he looks into your eyes.

Yes, you tell him, yes. You’re fine. But Joel keeps asking.

“Talk to me. Are you okay? I’m worried about you. Please, just talk to me.”

You are moving your mouth, but no sound is coming out. The familiar vice is tightening around your chest. You look down at your blood-stained hands and you struggle to breathe.

“‘M dying, Joel. Can’t breathe. All the blood. So much. Why can’t I breathe?”

Oh, he realises with a pang. She gets these things too. And I know how to help.

“You’re okay, you hear?” He’s rubbing your arms gently, keeping his gaze on you. “You’re alright. Breathe along with me, okay?”

It’s difficult to find the rhythm, at first. Joel’s hands find yours and squeeze them in time with his breath.

”In through your nose, that’s it. Slow and steady. Now out through your mouth.”

He can see your muscles starting to visibly relax. A wave of relief courses over him.

”Yeah, that’s it - you got this. You got this, good girl, you’re just fine. Gonna be alright.”

When he’s confident your breathing has settled and the panic attack receded somewhat, he gently guides you away from the body of the dead raider, one hand holding your horse’s bridle and the other holding yours.

“Why don’t you have a seat for a minute, huh?” Joel gestures to a long, low tree trunk lying near the forest’s edge and opens his saddlebags, rummaging until he finds a cloth, a battered hip flask and a bag of dried apple slices.

”Here.” He wipes the blood as best he can from your hands and proffers the flask, settling his substantial frame beside you on the log. “Have a sip or two, just to relax you a little bit more. Got a snack, here, too.”

You flinch at the taste of the liquor, but take a second sip regardless. The apple slices barely taste of anything in the afterburn of the moonshine. Joel nibbles on some jerky and stares into the middle distance.

You take a break from patrol, agreed with Maria, and a few days off your art classes. It was tempting to keep going, to return to the light and airy studio and to your students. But you feared a relapse.

And your body needed to recover physically, too. You ached from head to toe, fingers and toes puffy and swollen and movement seriously restricted. You ration out the supply of medication you’ve secured since getting here, and use hot water bottles and plenty of rest to try to ride out the flare in your arthritis.

Three days after the incident, there’s a knock on the door. You hobble to answer it, leaning on your trusty stick for support.

”Came by to see how you were doing. Got you some things if you needed ‘em.”

Joel is standing on your front porch, holding a jute grocery bag. He pauses, as if waiting for you to give him permission to say more.

”That’s so very kind of you, Joel. Come in, won’t you? I was able to set a fire so it’s nice and cosy.”

He watches as you lead the way into the living room, noting how much slower you were today. Guilt laps at his conscience. He said she shouldn’t go on patrol. He knew.

”You want me to bring these into the kitchen for you?”

“That would be a great help. Thank you.” He’s glad to see you smile, after the trauma of the patrol. “If you want a drink, I’ve got some tea and coffee in the cupboard just to the left of the sink.”

He pops his head back into the living room. “What would you like?”

“A tea would be perfect. Mugs are in the cupboard to the right.”

You wrap yourself back up in your blankets on the couch, making room for Joel when he returns with the drinks and a couple of cookies, sent over by Ellie as part of his care package for you. The mug feels like a comfort in your aching hands, its heat assuaging the inflammation ravaging your joints.

He sips his coffee and you sit in silence for a little bit, watching the flames dance over the firewood.

“Have you, uh - you been okay, doing okay, since…”

Joel stares into his coffee cup and then looks at you, a little awkward. You smile, hoping to reassure him.

”I’ve been okay. Just the physical pain and exhaustion, mostly. And - well, you saw it. The panic. It can leave you drained.”

He nods and takes another swig of his drink. “I know. I - I’ve had times like that, too. Real fuckin’ scary, when you’ve never gone through it before.”

You study his face for a moment or two, noting the little scar on his temple, the lines on his face, the stern expression completely undermined by the warmth of his deep brown eyes. For an instant, he seems so vulnerable, this strong, tough man sitting on your little couch.

“I haven’t had an attack like that in a while. But then, I hadn’t done anything like that in a while.”

This time Joel turns to look at you properly. “Not your first rodeo, huh?”

You giggle at the turn of phrase. “Not quite. Let’s just say my stick did a lot of work over the last twenty years. He wasn’t the first to feel the brunt of it.”

Joel nods, and you feel strangely relieved that he doesn’t seem surprised. “Doesn’t get easier, though, does it?”

“It does not. Which is why it’s better to avoid having to do it.”

”I agree. Gotta say, though, I - I was worried you wouldn’t be able for patrol, y’know?”

You arch an eyebrow at him. “I know. I overheard you, remember?”

He blushes. “Aw, shit. Yeah. I’m sorry about that. I just didn’t want anything happening to you, what with your - condition, and all.”

You sigh softly, not really noticing the affection in his voice. “Most of the time, I’m fine. Y’know? I’m slower, but I do okay. I get tired more easily, but I manage. I didn’t come here to be a drain on the community.”

”You aren’t.”

”I know, but I want to keep it that way. I want to pull my weight. I’m able, Joel.”

He huffs in agreement. “Not like I’m a perfect specimen these days, either. Knees, fuckin’ back, deaf in one ear…”

You chuckle. “And you thought I wouldn’t manage patrol? Anyway, you’re not doing so bad, are you?”

He gives you a little smile, but that constant sadness still haunts his eyes. He stares at his coffee for a moment.

“You knew what you were doing, though.”

”I did. But I didn’t feel like I could stop.” You sip your tea, swallowing hard. “And I’m scared that makes me some kinda monster. You know?”

Oh, he knows. He knows it too well.

”You aren’t a monster.” Joel resists the urge to put an arm around you. “You just… something snapped, I guess. All that - well, all that hell you’ve gone through. It… it changes you. But it doesn’t make you a monster.”

He realises you’re crying before you do, spotting the fat tears that roll down your cheeks. He finds a clean handkerchief in his jeans and offers it to you.

Fuck it.

“Can I - can I put an arm round you? Just for some support?”

Your eyes light up, tears or no tears, and you nod enthusiastically. Joel is warm and comforting, his broad chest and strong arms a kind of anchor in the emotional storm. You nuzzle against him, and he gives you a little squeeze on the arm.

”You’re a really brave woman, you know that?”

His voice is quieter, more intentional. You look at him quizzically from under your lashes, unused to praise of this kind. For an instant you think about asking him what he means. But the safety you’ve found in the broad arm draped around you is all you need right now.

You nuzzle a little against his chest, and watch the fire dancing for the rest of the night.

#joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x disabled f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #soft joel miller #disabled f!reader #disabled reader fic #hbo the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal #pedrostories

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callsign-magnolia · 2 months

Text

Undiagnosed // Ch. 20

Mature Content 18+

Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC

Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.

Warnings: Emotional abuse, trauma response, abusive parents, smut.

Word Count:

Chapter 19 | Masterlist

“Katie? Darlin’ you ready?” Jake yelled out. I was fixing a curl in my mirror when I replied. “I’m coming!” I yelled out, grabbing the small wallet to put in my jeans and walked downstairs. “Why are you rush…ing me?” I stared at Jake who stood in front of me in blue jeans, a large belt buckle, a light blue pearl snap shirt, black stetson and fringed chaps. “Woah.” He muttered. “Yeah, woah.” I said, looking at him. He looked so good. “You okay?” He asked and I nodded, smiling at him once I broke out of my trance. “You got a little drool right there.” I said, pointing to the corner of his lips and he quickly wiped his face. “You look gorgeous.” He said, coming around the couch and taking my waist in his hands. “And you look hot.” I said without thinking and my face grew warm with a blush. He chuckled, his hand coming up and cupping my cheek. “Thank you, darlin’.” He said, leaning forward and kissing my forehead. “Okay, the finishing touch.” Jake said. He walked over to the dining room table and grabbing a box. “Here.” He said, holding out the box towards me. “Take the lid off.” He said. I raised a brow but lifted the lid and gasped at what was inside. “Jake.” I said, pulling the white stetson out. “It’s beautiful.” I said. It was a pure snow white with a light brown leather strap around it. “I figured if you were going to dress as a cowgirl, you need a real cowgirl hat.” He said, setting the box down and gently placing the hat on my head.

“You look gorgeous.” He said, leaning down and kissing my cheek. “Are you ready?” He asked and I nodded. I slid a small wallet and my phone in my back pocket and followed Jake out, stopping in front of the mirror we had hanging up in the foyer. I admired myself for a minute before a smile grew on my face. “Darlin’?” He asked and I turned, taking his hand and letting him lead me out to the truck. “What do you think everyone else will be dressed as?” I asked him when we were halfway there. He shrugged and squeezed my thigh. “I don’t know. I guess we’ll just have to find out.” He said, grinning at me. It wasn’t long before we pulled up to a house with cars overflowing in the driveway. Jake parked in the road and got out, rushing around to my side. “You okay?” He asked as he took my hand and helped me out. I know that no one like Coop is going to be here, but I still worry.

“Yeah, just a little nervous.” I said and he smiled at me, leaning down and kissing my forehead. “It’ll be okay. But if you ever want to leave just say the words and we’re out.” He said and I nodded, smiling up at him. “Alright.” With that he locked the truck, squeezed my hand and led us to the front door. Once there he rang the doorbell and we waited for a second before it swung open and revealed Mav in front of us in black pants and a black tank top. “Hey guys!” He said before pulling Jake into a hug and reaching for me, catching me off guard. “Hey Mav.” I said and he moved for us to step in. “Glad to see y’all made it!” He was so excited and probably had a few drinks at this point. “Come on, Penny is out back with everyone else.” We followed him out back to find the large back yard lit up, tables set up with lots of food and drinks. “Wow, y’all went all out.” Jake said and Mav nodded. “Go big or go home, right?” He said, laughing. “Help yourself to drinks, there’s plenty for everyone.” With that Mav walked away and Jake turned to me. “What do you want?” He asked, slowly walking us over to the table on the porch. “A beer will be fine.” I told him and he raised a brow at me. “You want a beer?” He asked, reaching in and pulling out a bottle. “Yeah,” I nodded. “Gotta branch out eventually.” He chuckled, popped the top off and handed it to me. “Whatever my girl wants, my girl gets.” He opened his own beer before wrapping a hand around my waist and leading me off the porch into the crowd. It wasn’t a huge crowd, but not small either.

“Rooster.” Jake called, and a man in a brown leather jacket and khakis turned around to face us. He had a bag slung over his shoulder and a whip attached to his waist. I smirked as we approached and he flicked his hat up. “I always knew someday you'd come walking back through my door.” I said and he chuckled before pulling me into a hug. “Hey, that’s my line!” I turned to see Natasha walking over in a stunning white dress with a white rose on it. “This,” I said, pointing at her Marion Ravenwood costume. “Is scary accurate. You look exactly like her.” I said and she smiled, holding the dress out slightly. “You think?” She asked and Jake nodded. “Rooster could look like Indiana, but he’d have to shave the mustache first.” Rooster immediately covered his mustache. “The mustache goes nowhere. It stays.” He said, making us laugh. Soon a song came on and Jake dragged me into a dance. He pulled my body flush against his, his thigh almost between mine as his hand rested on my back, and my arm slung around his shoulder. “I’m very proud of my costume choices.” He said, smirking down at me, not hiding the fact his eyes drifted across my breasts. “Mhm, I’m sure you are Mr. Seresin.” I said and he roughly tugged me closer. “Say it again.” His voice dropped an octave and I wanted to melt in his arms. “Mr.Seresin.” He leaned down kissing me possessively. “Damn, do I want to take you home right now.” He said and I giggled, kissing his cheek. “But we just got here and I wanna stay.” I said, whining slightly. He just chuckled and smiled at me. “Fine, but you’re all mine later.” He said, and I smiled up at him. “I’m yours every night.”

“Well don’t you two look cozy.” I looked behind Jake and laughed. Jake raised a brow and turned around and laughed with me. “This is hilarious!” Bob, Payback, Coyote and Fanboy were all dressed up in Ghostbusters costumes. “I think they’re pretty accurate!” Payback said, spinning around. “They are!” I said, tugging on his jumpsuit. “It just matches y’all’s personality so well.” They all grinned and struck a pose, making us laugh. “How about you get me another beer, then we can have another dance.” I said, resting my hand on Jake’s chest and he just smiled at me before nodding and heading for a cooler. “There’s so many people here.” It was a very crowded party. “Mav was very selective about who he invited.” Fanboy said as he stood next to me. “Is that your way of telling me I have nothing to worry about?” I asked and he chuckled. “Yeah. It is.” I smiled as Jake came back and handed me a second beer. “So, about that second dance?” He asked and I laughed, nodding. “Whenever you want.”

We spent the next few hours dancing and Jake kept a constant rotation of drinks in my hand. “Okay,” I said, fumbling my words slightly. “I have to go pee. I’ll be right back.” I leaned up and kissed him. “Alright, darlin’.” With that I turned and walked away inside the house. I had to stop and think because I couldn’t remember exactly where Penny told me the bathroom was, but thankfully after a minute I found it. I went inside, seeing my mascara gathering under my eyes slightly. I giggled at myself in the mirror before cleaning up my face and using the bathroom. Once I was done, I washed my hands and fixed my hair in the mirror before admiring myself. I swung the bathroom door open, stepping out and starting down the hall. “Hey.” My eyes were a little cloudy as I looked up. While his face wasn’t clear, I knew immediately who it was by the height and the cologne. “What are you doing here?” My voice was steady when I said it, no ounce of fear could be detected, while deep down I was absolutely terrified. “It’s a party isn’t it?” Blake responded. “Besides, I haven’t seen you in a while. Thought we could catch up.” His hands fell to my waist and he stumbled forward as I backed myself into the wall. “Don’t touch me.” I snapped, smacking his hands from my waist but he was persistent. “Oh come on, Katie. We could’ve had so much fun that night on our date.” I scoffed, the adrenaline sobering me up some. “If you consider a broken nose fun then sure.” I said as I side stepped away from him. “Broken bones heal. We could give it one more shot.” He grinned at me. “You need to leave. Now! I have never had an interest in you and I never will. I have a boyfriend and I love him. So leave.” I snapped at him. “Hangman?” He laughed, gripping my wrist tightly. “He doesn’t love you, Katie. He’s too self absorbed to love anyone but himself. He’s only keeping you around because you boost his ego.” I knew he was only trying to get in my head. “You know nothing about him. Now let me go!” I said, lifting my right foot and kicking him in the gut, effectively sending him to the floor.

His body thudded against the floor just as Natasha came around the corner. “Oh hell no. Bradley!” She said. “It’s okay, Natasha. I’ve got this handled.” I stormed towards him just as he was trying to get up. “Come on.” I hoisted him up and managed to drag him into the living room just as Bradley walked in, Mav and Jake behind him. “Katie-” Natasha stopped him. “She’s got this.” She said and Blake could hardly get his feet under him while I had him by a belt loop and the collar of his shirt. “Alright Blake.” I opened the door and stood him up straight and he turned on me. “I’ll make you regret everything, you little bitch.” He said and I smirked. “I don’t think I will. Bye, Blake.” I gave him a smile and wave, before once again, lifting my foot and literally kicking him out the door before I slammed it. I turned to everyone, a wide grin on my face. “You okay?” Jake asked, eyeing me warily. “I am great!” I said and he smiled, coming over to me and pulling me into his arms. “I love you, and that was so hot.” He whispered the last part because everyone was staring at us. “It’s a party!” I said. “Let’s go back outside and have fun!” I said. Jake grabbed my hand, pulling me back towards the backyard, following everyone else.

We partied until about two a.m. and Jake carried me back out to the truck. “I had so much fun.” I slurred and he laughed. Jake only had two beers when we got here and quit drinking by ten p.m. “You definitely did, Darlin’.” He set me down long enough to open the door and help me in before buckling my seat belt and kissing my head. The ride home was quiet except for the radio playing quietly and me humming along. As we got home I had sobered up and managed to trudge my way up the stairs. I felt exhausted and just wanted to curl up with Jake and sleep. We got undressed, took a quick shower before crawling into our bed. “I’m proud of you for tossing him out like that.” Jake said as he tossed his arm over my shoulder and pulled me into him. “It felt good to put my foot down.” I responded and we sat in silence for a minute until he opened his mouth to ask what I knew would come up eventually. “Did he-” “Yes he made a pass at me, and I told him no and that I loved you.” I looked up at him, a small smile on my face as his finger brushed across my cheek. “He also tried to get in my head and tell me you didn’t actually love me, but I know better.” He smiled down at me, his nose brushing my own. “I’m so happy that I’ve made it clear how I feel for you, Katie. I don’t ever want you to doubt my feelings for you.” I smiled and kissed him softly. “I won’t Jake. I promise.” He squeezed me closer to him, cradling me as I drifted off to sleep.

The following Monday was Halloween and I was more than happy when class was over. “Think you and Jake will have a bunch of kids come by for candy?” Annie asked. “I’m not sure. It’s a decent neighborhood but there’s not many kids and I’m sure parents will take their kids to the bigger neighborhoods for better candy.” The sun was very bright in my eyes as we stepped outside and I moved my sunglasses off my head to cover my eyes. “How many bags did you get?” Brooke asked. “We got five of the giant bulk bags just in case.” They laughed at my answer. “That’s so much! What are you going to do with the rest?” Annie asked and I shrugged. “Eat it?” It came out as more of a question. “Well if you do eat it, don’t make yourself sick! Those stomach aches are the worst.” Annie said, turning a little green. “Oh yeah, didn’t you tell me you ate a whole three giant bags of sour candy a few years ago?” Brooke asked and Annie blushed. “I failed a major test and got broken up with on the same day. Cut me some slack!” We all laughed. “Well I’ll let y’all know how tonight turns out. See you tomorrow!” I waved before heading for my truck.

Once I was home I found Jake pulling a sheet pan full of veggies out of the oven. “Oh wow, you’re home early. And cooking?” I asked as I set my bag down. “Well it is four thirty, kids will be coming around real soon. I’m gonna blend these into a sauce and cook some chicken. Why don’t you get dressed?” He asked, leaning over to kiss my lips. “Yes, sir.” I said, giving him a lax salute before wandering upstairs. I took my time changing into the jeans for my costume but I tossed a t-shirt on, not wanting to get anything on the top for my costume. I touched up my hair and did my makeup before going back downstairs, just in time for dinner. “Gorgeous, but where’s your top?” He asked, setting my plate on the table. “I’ll put it on after dinner. Don’t wanna get any of this sauce on it.” He smiled, pulling out my chair and letting me sit down. “So how busy do you think it’ll be tonight?” I asked and he shrugged. “I’m not too sure. I’ve talked to a few neighbors but they say it varies each year.” I nodded. “I hope we get a lot, honestly. I always enjoyed seeing people in our neighborhoods growing up.” He smiled at me. “Me too. I miss seeing my nieces and nephews trick-or-treating.” I smiled at him just as the doorbell went off. “I got it. Go put your costume on.” I said as I got up and made my way to the door.

After a few kids coming to the door, Jake and I managed to finish our food and make our way outside. “TWICK-OR-TWEAT!” A tiny voice said as a little girl came sprinting up the driveway and to the porch. She has on a pink princess dress and her hair in little pigtails. “Twick-or-Tweat!” She said again as she made it to the porch. “Well aren’t you the cutest princess.” Jake said, kneeling down to her level and holding the bucket of candy out to her. “Thank you.” She said as she stuck her hand in the bowl, grabbing a piece of candy. “Wow.” She said as she turned to me. “You’re da pwettiest cowgorl.” She said and I smiled at her. “Thank you, I really like your dress.” She smiled, twirling a little. “My mommy made it!” She said excitedly. “Lacey! Come on!” She turned to the couple standing in the driveway watching her. “Bye bye!” She waved, rushing off. “She was absolutely adorable!” I said, barely able to contain myself and Jake turned, smiling at me. “Can I ask you something?” He asked as we sat on the steps. “Of course.” I said, taking his hand. “Have you ever-” We were cut off by a ton of kids rushing the house and screaming.

The next morning I was shaking, my nerves eating me alive. “It’ll be okay.” I said to myself in the mirror as I got my scrubs on. It is finally day one of clinicals and I have no idea how I’m going to do it. I made my way downstairs to find my lunch packed with leftovers from last night with a note on top. “You’ve got this darling. I love you and have a great day.” I smiled as I tucked it into my lunch bag before grabbing everything and heading out the door. I drove to Scripps Mercy Hospital which was kind of close to base but I still had about a thirty minute drive to get there. By the time I pulled in, I was half an hour early. I would normally sit in my truck but I was nervous so I decided to get out and make my way inside. I hiked from the back of the parking lot where we were told to park and was glad when I stepped through the door. “Hi.” I said to the security guard at the front desk. “I’m doing clinicals in the ER today.” He nodded. “Can I see your student ID?” I nodded, fishing it out of my bag and handing it to him. “Good.” He said as he hit the button under the desk and the double doors opened. “You can put your stuff in the break room, third door on the right. The charge nurse will meet all of you there.” I nodded and thanked him before wandering through the doors and back where he told me.

As I walked in there was a girl sitting at the table eating and I smiled at her. “Student?” She asked and I nodded. “Yeah.” I said as my face grew warm. “I showed up an hour early on my first day of clinicals, too. You’ll be fine.” She said before biting into some bacon. I smiled at her and set my bag and lunch box in a corner. “Thank you. I’m Katie.” I said as I sat a few chairs down. “Crystal.” She said in reply. “How long have you been a nurse for?” She chuckled at me. “About fifteen years.” My eyebrows raised. “I’m sorry but you don’t look old enough to have been a nurse that long.” She laughed as she took the last bite of her food. “Well thank you, you just made my day.” I smiled at her. “But yes, fifteen years and man has it felt like fifteen years.” I nodded and the door opened. “Oh thank god! I was scared to be the first here!” Brooke said as she walked in. I laughed as she set her bag down. Soon a few other girls filed in, Annie being last. The class was split up between four different departments here in the hospital and I’m glad I got to start in the ED. We all sat around talking and Crystal went out to start her shift as we waited. “Good morning, ladies.” We turned to see a tall black woman standing in the doorway in royal blue scrubs. “I hope you’re all ready for your day. It’s going to be a lot to take in. I am Mya Woods, the charge nurse here at Scripps Mercy. Tell me yours.” We all went around introducing ourselves. “Alright. Now that we have that out of the way, follow me. We’ll start with a tour of the hospital.” We followed her out the door and she lead us out to a lobby past the ED. She took us to the lab, radiology, cardiology, neurology, surgery, and every other department in the hospital. By the time we got the rundown it was two o’clock and I was starving. “Okay, you have half an hour to eat. When you get back we’ll go over policy and procedure.” We all nodded and I trudged back to the break room and grabbed my lunch.

“Hey Katie, we’re all gonna go eat outside. Want to join?” Starla, a girl in my class asked as I waited for my food to heat up. I’ve talked to the other girls in class and they’re all nice but we’ve never really spent time together. “Uh, sure.” I replied, grabbing my food and phone before heading outside. There was a large round stone table outside and we all squeezed in. “I feel like we’ve been here for ten hours.” Starla said as she rolled her neck. “If every day is going to be like this, then I don’t know if I can do this.” She said and Brooke replied. “I think Thursday will go over better, we’ll be paired up and we can start actual work, no more SOP’s and all that.” Brooke responded. “I sure hope you’re right.” Starla said and everyone else agreed. After lunch we sat in a conference room and went over all the policies and procedures and it was hard for me to focus or stay awake. So I was relieved when five came and I could leave. I gathered all my stuff and we all trekked out to our cars. “Back to the classroom tomorrow.” Annie said as she got to her car. “Joy.” I muttered as I dragged my feet to my truck. I was exhausted and was ready to sleep.

I managed to drive home and by the time I hit the drive way I could’ve just slept in my truck but I dragged myself out. I opened the door and could hardly keep my eyes open. “Hi darlin’.” Jake said, grinning at me with his hands behind his back. “Hi.” I murmured. “What are you hiding?” I asked as I gave him a small smile. He pulled out a vase with roses in it and held it out to me. “Aw Jake. You shouldn’t have.” I took the vase as he took my backpack and lunch bag from me. “Well you deserve it. This is a big step and I’m so proud of everything you’ve done.” He pulled me into him, kissing my forehead. “What do you want for dinner?” He asked. “Pizza.” I said and he chuckled. “Go change and I’ll order it.” I nodded and turned, going upstairs to our room. I sat on the bed and untied my shoes, sighing in relief as I wiggled my toes. “A minute wouldn’t hurt.” I muttered to myself, lying back on the bed. But I quickly drifted off to sleep.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Jake asked as he checked my forehead again. “Yes, Jake. I’m not going to class and I have an eight a.m. doctor's appointment. It’s probably just the flu.” I said, my eyes drifting closed. It was currently Thursday and I was missing our second day of clinicals. Rebecca sent me home early yesterday because I was still really fatigued and started getting a fever. Thankfully, Jake was successful at getting my fever down last night. “Well I'll call and check in with you around lunch time okay?” He asked and I nodded. He leaned down and kissed my temple before leaving for work. It was five-thirty so I had plenty of time to go back to sleep. I slept until seven and got up, sliding on some athletic shorts and one of Jake’s t-shirts before making my way out the door. I was early for my appointment so after I filled out the paperwork I sat in the chair, my head lolling to the side. “Blair?” I immediately stood. “Hi.” I muttered as the medical assistant smiled at me. “Oh dear, let’s get you checked out and get you something to make you feel better.” I nodded as she led me back. We got my weight which went up and then she took my vitals. My temperature was back up, but everything else was normal. “Alright, Dr. Downs will be in in just a moment.” I nodded and sat there quietly, anxious to go back home and go to bed.

A knock sounded on the door and it opened. “Katie. I’m Dr. Downs, nice to meet you.” The woman greeted as she came in. “Nice to meet you too.” She sat down with an ipad and smiled at me. “So, why don’t you tell me a little about what’s going on?” She said. “Well, I’m exhausted and I thought it was just from my first day of clinicals.” “Nursing school?” She asked and I nodded. “Yeah.” “That’s amazing.” I smiled at her. “I obviously have a fever, my body aches and I’m getting a headache. I’m pretty sure it’s the flu.” She nodded. “Well I will get some tests and blood work ordered right away, but you’re probably right. It’s most likely the flu.” I nodded as she typed some stuff in. “You’re not on any medications, right?” I nodded. “Correct.” She nodded. “Not even for your ADHD or depression?” I furrowed my brows at her. “Uh, yes. I have neither of those.” She raised an eyebrow. “Your full name is Katherine Scarlett Blair and your birthday is December thirteenth nineteen ninety eight right?” I nodded. “Parents are Meredith and Richard Blair?” I nodded.

“Yeah, it says right here you were evaluated at five years old. Child shows clear and obvious signs of attention deficit hyperactive disorder with autistic traits, but does not meet the criteria to be diagnosed with autism. Child also suffers from major depressive disorder-” “Stop. You have the wrong chart. That is not mine.” I said, my hand shaking as I held it up. “Katie. Look…” I walked over and there was a photo of me attached at age five. “I know it’s hard to believe-” “I’ve never been told about this a day in my life. I want a copy of that.” She nodded. “Okay. I’ll get this printed and get your tests ready.” I nodded and sat back down. The nurse came in and drew my blood and swabbed my throat and I waited some more, anxiety eating me alive. “Well, your flu test is positive. I’ll call in an antiviral for you.” I nodded and she handed me a large stack of papers. “That is your entire diagnosis. I’m sorry, Katie.” She said and I sighed, clutching the papers. “If you have any questions, the psychologist you saw is retired, but his partner is still there. You can call them, or you can call here and I’ll help you as best I can.” I nodded, standing. “Thank you, Dr. Downs.” She nodded. “You’re welcome.”

I walked out, paid for the appointment with the credit card Jake left me and got back in the truck. I stared down at the papers in my hands, reading them in detail. Every agonizing detail and tears streaked my face as I looked at it. Once I was done I propped my arm on the window, staring out the window as I scratched a bump on my face. “Fuck it.” I tossed everything on the bench seat and pulled out of the parking lot. I drove in silence, my mind racing with every thought imaginable. It couldn’t be true, but it also makes some sense. My heart rate picked up as I turned down the familiar street and I thought I would pass out as I pulled in the driveway. Before I could lose my nerve I grabbed the papers and my phone before storming up to the front door. I slammed my fist on the door multiple times, making my anger ever so clear. I was about to do it again when the door swung open and I stared my mother in the face. “We need to have a fucking conversation. Right now.” I said before shoving past her and into the house.

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