#but the only difference is i haven't traumatised people in my life

[asumi2020202]

A Family

Pairing: Xue Yang x reader x Xiao Xingchen

Summary: After escaping from a haunting past, you're found by some unknown people whom you have never seen in your life. It is as if fate brought you all together.

AU: Xue Yang doesn't betray Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing.

About Reader: You have been described as a female. You have heterochromia which is basically having two different eye colors. You come from a clan called the Zenin clan. { not the one from jjk........ Exactly the one from jjk (⁠ ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠) }

A/n: I know I haven't been writing anything for a long time but now that i'm back, I shall enlighten you all again.(⁠๑⁠´⁠•⁠.̫⁠ ⁠•⁠ ⁠`⁠๑⁠). I'm sorry it's a bit cringe .

T/W: abuse, traumatising past.

____________________________†___________

Chilled Breezes came and blew away, people laughed and strolled through the path they were walking.

Children chasing each other playfully.

Suddenly all seemed silent, as a child's cry filled the atmosphere. A h/c haired child stood under tree, getting scolded by a man while a little boy, a year older from her perhaps, stood beside the man crying.

Tears slowly started pouring from the h/c haired girl, but the man paid no mind to it. She had a cut on her arm and blood dripping from it. Yet the only thing the man cared for was the tiny little scrape that the little boy had on his hand.

That man was no other than the father of both the children. The leader of the Zenin clan.

The leader of the Zenin Clan was known to be a cruel man. Only caring for his sons and mistresses.

His wife on the other hand, was a gentle lady. She cared for everyone around her and helped them. She loved all her children equally yet she was not allowed to be with her only daughter, her little Y/n.

Y/n was the only daughter of Lord Zenin. Everyone was delighted when she was born, but that was until she opened her eyes, her adoring and curious eyes.

It was as if everything stopped for a time. She was born with two different colored eyes. One was a fierce e/c eye whereas the other was a bright and shine filled gold eye.

Her father ruthlessly took her from her mother's embrace to further inspect her. He was... shocked. Unable to accept his daughter being different he called her cursed.

She was seperated from the rest of her family. Her mother was heartbroken that her child was taken from her by none other than her husband. As Y/n grew older, her mother would sometimes gaze outside only to see that her daughter was either bullied by other children or framed by her brothers about something and getting scolded and hit by her husband. That poor child was mistreated and abused.

Time went by as y/n grew older. By now she was 17. She had been busy all day with work. She was treated no more than a maid, sometimes even worse.

She sat down to watch her brothers and their companions train . She was suddenly called by a servant, asking her to follow him as the lord was asking for her presence.

Upon her arrival Lord zenin's face turned into a disgusted one. Without any further discussion he told her that she was to marry a lord of another clan. Perhaps it would have been easy to bear if the lord has been somewhat around her age. But no he wasn't rather he was almost like a uncle to her.

"you have never been useful for me ever since you were born . You are a cursed child, atleast marrying you off to the lord would strengthen the bond between our clans and I would be able to get rid of you." Said Lord Zenin as y/n stood frozen.

After a second, she replied "How could you do this to your own daughter?! I have done everything i could just to be acknowledged by you, just to get the love my brothers get too. Yet you try to marry me off to someone who almost as old as an uncle to me. I won't! I won't do it!" To which Lord Zenin replied " I have no daughter. You are just a curse living inside the Zenin household. Hence you will agree to what I say, you have no will of your own! Your marriage will be held the day after tomorrow, so be prepared."

Later that same day, when all was silent and night had fallen, she planned her escape. Yet after a while she had fallen asleep without even noticing.

The dreadful day came, she woke up early when it was still dark. The gates were all closed and guarded so she had no option but to climb over the walls.

While climbing, a guard had noticed her, instantly informing the lord. Y/n tried to run as fast as she could. On the other hand, lord zenin ordered that the guards catch her by any means even if it's violence.

Y/n ran and ran when suddenly an arrow was shot at her , piercing her upper back. She ran near the town and tried to disappear between the crowd to which she was successful. She sat down near a broken house and took the arrow out of her back. She was loosing blood . She fell and her consciousness started to fade as she saw a figure crouch down above her.

_________________________________________

Y/n POV

I opened my eyes slowly, trying to focus my vision. I sat up and noticed that my back and chest was bandaged. I was about to get up when someone said " don't move too much, your wounds might open." I got startled. It was a man in full white, he had a piece of cloth cover his eyes. He later clarified that he was blind.

He started to converse with me when two more figures entered the room. This time it was a girl and behind her was another man. He was wearing all black.

After sometime, I got to know the names and identity. The white clothes man was called Xiao Xingchen. The girl was called A-Qing and the black clothed man was called Xue Yang.

Xingchen offered that I live with them when I healed after sometime and opened up to them. The four of us grew closer and closer.

It was as if I found my family. Not the one who threw me aside because I had different eyes, not the one who called me a cursed child. It was a new feeling to me.... Being loved, feeling loved.

_________________________________________

1 year later

Slowly and slowly, Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen felt a connection towards each other and y/n. Xue Yang even shared his story with the two. Both felt the need to comfort Xue Yang.

The two men had figured their feelings for each other. Both deciding they would confess to y/n together and ask her to be their second mate.

Love certainly effected them both. Xue Yang forgot about the murders and crimes he did. He was mesmerized by his lover and y/n. Though he would certainly stab anyone if they give too much unwanted attention or make his mates uncomfortable anyway. He is the most jealous one out of the trio.

Whereas Xingchen offered to help y/n whenever Xue Yang left to get food and requirements with A-Qing.

A-Qing had become a little sister to y/n. Y/n had found out that she was not blind, but that remained a secret between the two.

A week after their discussion, the two decided that it was finally time to confess. They took the girl to somewhere quiet . They confessed to the girl who actually had been in love with the both of them ever since they saved her.

A-Qing was both worried and happy for y/n. She was delighted because y/n finally felt loved and worried because she thought y/n might get hurt knowing that both the men are cultivators.

_________________________________________

Years Later

Over the years their bond grew stronger and unbreakable.

Xue Yang had slowly started to accept the revenge isn't all and tried to be forgiving even though his past still haunted him but with his lovers by his side, he felt at ease.

Xue Yang, Xiao Xingchen and Y/n Zenin had gotten married to each other. It was not known by many as not many people came to the coffin house. A-Qing acted as the priest and witness of their love.

They had re-constructed the coffin house . Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen helped heal injured people, A-Qing as their helper. The physical part is mostly done by Xue yang under Xingchen's guidance.

Y/n on the other hand would take care of their household. Cook them meals to eat and create a warm place for them to return to.

Xue yang, tho difficult, tried to forget his past and move on. He would sometimes get nightmares of them. During those time, Xingchen would sit up supporting y/n, while she held Xue Yang close to her chest as both of them comforted him.

Same with the others when they would get nightmares of their past.

Y/n learned different sweet dishes, even chocolates, knowing both of her lovers love sweet things, especially Yang.

Xingchen loved to lay on y/n or Yang's lap when resting or napping. The way their hands moved through his hair , lulled him to sleep. He could rest at ease with his mates by his side.

The three of them could never be separated from each other. Even while sleeping, all took turns to be in the middle and hold each other close. Even while making love, they would appreciate each other making no one feel left out.

So, even if any of their past comes to haunt them, they know that the other two would give their life to protect them. After all.......

......They are A Family. One that they always craved to have.

-Lillian

[lixenn]

Crochet corner

It's time, my dear internet people! It's time for me to babble about one of my numerous hobbies. And as the title arleady suggests, it's creative in nature, involves copious amount of yarn and often robs my bank account at gunpoint.

Yes, it's crochet! My beloved! That one activity that I have neglected for the past... who knows how many months.

But! I'm back! And I'm here to share my projects and progress and just generally ramble about fiber arts.

I won't do this in any particular order. I will talk about current, past and future projects. I will most likely complain about my inability to count and read crochet patterns. If it's in my ability to do so I will also share the patterns and tutorials I used to make my stuff, in case any of you people want to join me in doing fiber arts. (Please keep in mind that some of my patterns are in German, so I will probably only share the english ones unless requested otherwise.)

Now, let's jump right in the yarn pool with my current project (@upsilambic I'm tagging you since you seemed interested in my crochet adventures)

Triangle scarf for my mum

So, here I was chilling in the yarn store, two skeins for my planned project (mesh gloves) already in hand after consulting with the store clerk, fully intending on just buying those and instantly leaving before all the fiber goodies seduce me into making another purchase.

My mum had other plans though since she was already inspecting some of the bags that where spread out on a table. Each bag contained a set amount of skeins in prepicked colours and a pattern on how to make certain items. My Mum was intrigued... the colours spoke to her... and yes, you might have already guessed, dear reader, we walked out of that store not only with my yarn but also with one of those bags. The pattern was for a crochet scarf and my mum asked me if I could make it for her. I took a look at manual and was confronted with the absolute gibberish in the form of an unfamiliar crochet pattern. My brain offered me the nostaligic tones of the old windows shut down noise in response, so naturally the answer to my mum's questions was yes. (The motto of any fiber artist: Fuck it we ball.)

Once again I talked to the delightful sales lady, asking questions about the pattern and she was a great help. Let it be known that yarn stores are fucking awesome! I have never been in a yarn store where people weren't kind and welcoming and sweet. It's like entering a different world, one full of peace, fluff and most importantly: yarn! A yarn store is one of my favourite places to be right next to a bookshop and my bed.

Anyways, we got my stuff and we got the additional stuff (that I thankfully didn't need to pay for 🫡👍🏼)

It did take me a lil bit to fully puzzle out the scarf pattern but with some trial and error (I needed to frog once because I forgot in which row I was and tired evening!Lix didn't write it down) I'm now in the game.

Here my current progress:

The colours are more intense irl but no matter.

I will need to weave in so many ends after finishing it, I'm already regretting all my life choices *traumatised stare into the distance*

Weaving in ends is one of my many evil foes and unfortunately I still haven't defeated that one yet (I doubt I ever will). Everytime I reach that step in my work I want to set myself on fire because after couple dozen times it really does get quite tedious. It also doesn't help that I still haven't found a method where you really can't see that you have weaved in the ends (and is also secure).

But this will be a concern for future Lix 👍🏼

I will continue to crochet and watch my Let's Player (Magemasher22 on Youtube and Twitch, yes I will namedrop him, I love this guy so fucking much. He's a gem) play Honkai Star Rail.

If anyone has any questions you know where to find me 🫡

[itsjaywalkers]

Ok I’m curious af so rank your jegulus’s from most kinky to least kinky. If you would like to include examples they are more than welcome but not necessary.

Thank you for your time,

Kink Nonnie

THIS ONE IS SOOOO FUN i'm always down to talk about kink especially if it's related to jeggy <333 and since most of my wips haven't been posted yet i don't wanna give too many examples bc . spoilers . but i can share a few things ofc!! here we go <3

boxer au jeggy. god they're always at the top this is starting to get emabrrassing but it's true !! it's my filthiest james without a doubt and reg is also quite the menace in this one. we're talking exhibitionism vouyeurism edging overstimulation dom/sub dynamics spanking slapping etc etc. james gets aggressive and possessive and reg turns into putty in his hands BUT they also switch and reg absolutely fucks the cockiness out of james until he's a crying writhing mess. but yeah they have no shame and they'd try everything under the sun. also if one of my jeggys had a pissing kink, it'd be them 100%

feeling good jeggy. new entrance!! the 2nd place used to belong to oby BUT i've been . outlining a bit more of this fic and had a few realisations. we're talking corruption kink virginity kink spit kink a bit of exhibitionism and possibly some cnc too!! this james may not be as filthy (sexually wise) as boxer au james buuuuuut he's meaner and a shittier person and he's only here to seduce regulus and steal all his money (at first) so he pulls all the stops <3 they're quite wild and this reg begins as my most "innocent" inexperienced one and ends up becoming . well . something else entirely

oby jeggy. my beloveds <3 we already know most of their kinks by heart, and even though all of my james have some level of oral fixation, oby james wins!! he can come just by eating reg out and he's happy whenever he gets him to sit on his face. they almost never do it in a bed like normal people, or even in either of their flats. the riskier the place, the better, and they're gonna end up traumatising someone at this rate. also <3 kings of the daddy kink <3 i think fucked up road trip jeggy have it too, and probably also boxer au jeggy but they're the blueprint!! especially bc it wasn't even planned in the first place

nothing happens jeggy. they used to be a bit lower but i've realised a few things about them too lately.. their dirty talking goes HARD because nh james needs urgent psychological help (reg too tbh) and he gets very cruel and degrading sometimes. they also have a severe breeding kink and . kinda a cheating kink like . it doesn't start that way but at a certain point i think they find it very hot, the fact that the other is always gonna cheat for them!! or at least reg does, bc we all know james takes a while to realise what he's been doing it's actual cheating. there's also a scene in which james forces reg to call his bf at the time while he's fucking him................... Yeah

fucked up road trip fic jeggy. they're quite kinky but since they're in a life or death situation and surrounded by quite a few ppl and getting some time alone is very difficult . they can never get as kinky as they could in different circumstances yk? they do have a daddy kink and there's quite the age gap!! also the fact that james is married and his son is only like . 5 years younger than reg . which is definitely Something . also the desperation whenever they fuck is at a whole other level bc they come close to dying a few times (and they might actually die at the end of the story.......... i'm still debating it tbh). and also they make out/have actual sex in very vulnerable moments or after someone else has been killed or tortured which is lowkey questionable so

making ghosts jeggy. again at the end </3 my poor babies they deserve better.. nah but seriously this place is mostly due to the fact that it’s my softest story and not as explicit or sex heavy as some of my other stories!! this is my most submissive james without a doubt tho and there’s a lot of begging and teasing and trying to keep quiet when they fuck behind closed door bc they keep their relationship secret for . a While . there’s this scene of sirius talking to james through his bedroom door and very confused bc james won’t let him in while reg is sucking james off on the other side.. so yeah very kinky still <3

[zsakuva]

saku! i have two questions:)

i’m p sure mentioned your favorite book was lotr, but do you have any other recommendations? oh or maybe an anime/manga you really like? anything is fine hehe

my second one is, what inspires you to write? i’m sure it’s something you’ve been doing for a long time, but in general, it seems like whether it’s through your videos or your degree, you’re always trying to tell some sort of story? it’s amazing to me how you treat your characters as real people, if that makes sense? it’s almost like you’ve met them and they’re not just words on paper. i know a couple of artists treat their characters/work as such, but i’ve never really seen it like i have with you. i’m just a bit curious about what exactly makes you tick? please ignore this ask if it’s too personal haha i’m just genuinely interested:)

have a good day with many crumpets, tea, and cat cuddles!!!!

My favourite film trilogy is LotR, but I don't read! I'm in the middle of reading The Fellowship of the Ring, but reading makes me tired so I seldom do it! Unfortunately, that means I can't recommend any books or manga, and I haven't watched anime in a long time either~

Everything inspires me to write! It's a way of escapism for me, and for as long as I can remember, I've loved creating fictional stories. Characters themselves are the vessels in which the story is being told, and they drive everything. There is so much in a life that occurs which defines one's sense of self, and it's ever-changing. I love exploring internal conflicts, the tug-of-war over nature vs nurture, and the long-lasting effects many of us carry.

Almost all of the characters I've made have attributes of someone I know, a fictional person, or myself. It's also through this medium where I can test decisions some people might make in intense situations. A prime example would be Isaac Rhoades, a man traumatised by a past that dictates his every decision until he learns how to loosen the reins--if only by a little. The listener challenges his beliefs while also providing him a way to confront what it means to love, to trust, and to hope.

Another would be Alex (a taboo name for many of you, I know haha). The events of his past fuel his insecurities of the present, and that powers his decisions for the future. A lot of my characters act this way because I believe many of us are the same. His listener is no different. One has dealt with their trauma in one way, the other in another way, and then they clash. Sometimes, it's easy to put the pieces together, but not always. And that's why I like to base actions on character because humans themselves are contradictive, stubborn, and in many cases, illogical.

Then, there are other characters who I use to explore certain themes, such as Niall. His story is heart-breaking yet relatable; I wanted to delve more into his self-perception which was crafted by bullying and homophobia, and how he could possibly shift towards a positive direction.

Audio roleplays are great for my creativity, but they only scratch the surface in terms of how I would normally develop characters and their potential arcs. Novel formats are more my forte, but I do enjoy the platform that I have to fan the flame of angst, fluff, and everything in between!

[coveofthesiren]

carl grimes x male reader?!? could u pls do smth where carl sees reader and has like a full gay awakening/panic moment

Strange Feelings

Pairing - Carl Grimes × Male Reader

Warnings - None that I can think of!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alexandria is a quiet community. As quiet as it can be in the middle of an appocolypse at the very least. New people don't show up often, and when they do they're hardly ever intresting. Always cold and closed off, traumatised from life out in the hellscape that Earth had become.

Most of the residents of Alexandria are older, only a handful of teenagers and kids here and there. The few kids Carl's age were either total jerks or he had already befriended them.

It was around four in the afternoon when it started to storm. People started heading home or moving on to indoor chores. The rain was harsh, making it hard to see, but as he started to walk away from the garden, Carl could almost swear he saw the gate opening.

No matter, it was probably just his eyes playing tricks on him. It had to be. There aren't any supply runs planned, and no one new had come into Alexandria in months.

By the next morning the storms had passed and it was sunny out. Enid had convinced Carl to work in garden again for the day, and as they walk down the road something catches both of their attention.

Another teenager.

A boy, seemingly around Carl's age stood on the side of the street, talking to another resident. Neither of them had ever seen him before. As they stand, practically frozen in shock in the middle of the road staring at the kid, Carl can't help but wonder if he really had seen the gate open yesterday.

For days, Carl carefully observes the boy. He keeps his distance, stealing quick glances every once in a while. Everyday he makes a point to ask around, finding out where the new resident is and lingering close by.

Something about the new boy is different. Something about him is special. Carl's never felt anything like the way he does when he's near by. His stomach fills with a tingley feeling. Enid tells him it's butterflies. He can't help but smile everytime he spots him.

His face burns, flushing with a rosey hue as he quietly observes.

These strange feelings...Is this a crush?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally finished my first fanfic on this blog! This was such a cute request from @redh00dsbf ! I'm sorry it took me so long to write, I wanted to make sure my blog was finished before I posted it and I've been sick the past couple days so it took me a little longer to write than it usually would. I hope you like the way it turned out! I haven't writen a fic in a hot minute so I'm a little rusty lol.

[batbeato]

The more I think about ikuko and tohya the more frustrated I get. The implications of tohya's living situation is so dark but it feels like (to me as someone who only read the vn and none of the side content) ryukishi didn't really consider those implications. I understand we only met tohya at the very end, so there wasn't very much time to explore his character and how the decades post massacre has affected him, but it still bugs me.

I often joke that umineko would be peak media if tohya was trans (and ikuko didnt pick him up to be her roommate/pet but thats not the point i will be focusing on since thats removing an aspect of the story rather than adding onto it). I understand why some are against this idea, battler is shown behaving in ways that are seen as stereotypically feminine (like his crying) and making tohya trans might come across as saying because of battlers behaviour he can't be a man. But to me personally, battler and tohya are distinctly different people, so tohya being trans isn't a statement about battler's manhood.

(Also trans tohya doesn't need to be trans fem, tho I did lean on that idea initially, I have been in recent times thinking of a more masc enby tohya)

This is completely my own lil au idea that is very self indulgent so ill try to keep it brief but:

The concept of this freshly traumatised 18 being forced to build a life for themselves with no family or support, finding people who care for them and then also maybe discovering something about themselves along the way is incredibly compelling to me. I just like the idea of showcasing what it would be like to separate oneself from one's family to living as ones authentic self and the pain and new trauma that comes with leaving one's family.

I also like this idea for tohya because it would have shown that sayo wasn't doomed, that someone like her could have lived, not easily, but she could have. It would have shown that sayo's tragedy was a preventable one (I know lion already exists but I feel like their existence makes it seem like sayo could have only found happiness within the family and I feel like this idea could have shown that she could have also found happiness outside of it too. I also just adore the idea of having tohya and sayo mirroring each other).

Since ikuko isn't a part of my lil au concept when ange meets featherine she'd be meeting tohya, but wouldn't reconise them as battler in a similar way to how battler doesn't reconise kanon amd shannon as the same person, the parallels!!

Again this idea is very tailored to me and me specifically so I understand if this au idea isn't anyone else's cup of tea.

I just wish that since ryukishi had ikuko taking tohya in that he would have explored the darker implications of that (since i feel like battler's dissappearance post massacre is a mystery in itself, but the answer of that mystery only has its pieces fit together because they needed too (how did battler/ tohya find time and resources to write and publish the forgeries? Idk he had a rich benefactor) with no care for the implications of the whole thing) unfortunately as far as I know ryukishi didn't have any interest in exploring these matters, so I'm glad that other people have taken these ideas into their hands and explored them.

Ultimately its not something I hold against umineko too hard and I hope I didn't sound too negative in all this, but it's something I always come back to. Oh well it just gives me ideas on how to explore such topics in my own stories.

Hopefully this is coherent, I tend to be rather terrible at explaining my thoughts, sorry for ranting in your inbox. Feel free to ignore this if its too much.

Hmm, I see what you mean about trans Tohya. ...I feel like there's some latent exorsexism in the queer community that the base assumption of "trans character" is "transitioning to the 'opposite' gender they were born as" such that you have to clarify. I haven't really thought about trans Tohya but it could be interesting, fun way to take the text that heaps on even more Tohya-Sayo parallels like you mention. Also the "leaves the family, explores identity, comes out as trans" narrative is fun and, like you said, would definitively showcase how Sayo could have lived.

(Also, I agree with you that Tohya's gender doesn't have to correlate to Battler's at all. People's identities can change greatly after incredibly traumatic events, let alone amnesia on top of that.)

I think the general problem of Tohya is that while I love him and you can infer a lot about Tohya if you stare closely enough at the works he wrote, we also just don't see him enough, and he also isn't foreshadowed enough. Yes, you can guess that he's going to be a thing, especially if you're savvy and know about the Divine Comedy (Dante writing about the past from the future). But even when Ikuko as "Hachijo Tohya" first appears, and Featherine appears, there isn't really any foreshadowing about Tohya.

Even if Ryukishi had gone ahead and made Tohya trans, if he kept Tohya to the surprise end twist, it would still feel like it needed a lot of fleshing-out the way Ikuko and Tohya do now. So making Tohya trans would add a lot, but it's also only a fix if Tohya is actually given the spotlight for it? Like, properly putting in hints about his existence with Featherine/Hachijo's appearances. Maybe in this AU, Hachijo is Tohya with a wig and some vocal training, so Ange notices some odd looks from Hachijo, or maybe Hachijo's voice sounds vaguely familiar like she had heard it long ago, etc. etc.

Ikuko and Tohya, on paper, have the most fucked up relationship. They are also the only confirmed human characters to form a witch-character as a combination of two people, which seems relatively unexplored with Featherine excepting the tidbit about her memory device perhaps relating to Tohya's own memory issues. And yet, they don't really get explored, and the potentially-toxic elements to their relationship don't ever get explored. Yukari doesn't even ask about them, instead asking Tohya why he didn't want to see her, instead of why this much older woman didn't, say, inform the authorities of a missing person.

Oh, and this isn't discussed as often, but Tohya is canonically disabled (wheelchair user), and is, as far as I'm aware, the only visibly disabled character in Umineko, or at least the only one with any prominence. It's... sort of implied that Tohya can't walk, but really I think you're just supposed to assume this because he's in a wheelchair? He also never wheels himself around, instead relying entirely on Ikuko. Which, yes, some wheelchair users are not able to walk/stand, and some do not have arm strength to be able to move themselves around. But the assumptions the text asks you to make, the deliberate contrast it makes between Battler standing and Tohya sitting, come off a bit odd given that it never explicitly confirms the extent of Tohya's disability. The reader is meant to assume "in wheelchair = cannot walk/stand or move himself around", I guess.

...Sorry, tangent. Point is, Tohya and Ikuko seem very surface-level and maybe even half-baked in some respects. It's this thing Ryukishi does sometimes, especially with his commissioned works, where he clearly has a lot of things and cool concepts for a story/character, but just doesn't have the time to fit it all in, and instead implies it.

I think this is one of Umineko's big flaws, because it could have had the space to do a lot more with Tohya and Ikuko. But, perhaps Ryukishi hadn't settled on precisely what was going on with Battler's survival when working on earlier episodes, or he thought he would put it into later episodes and then ran out of time, etc. In the end, they just ended up with Ikuko being mostly author-insert and Tohya not really having his own voice, which lends well to a lot of fun speculation and fleshing-out as well as to the potentially abusive nature of their relationship, but not as well to the text having actually fleshed them out beyond interpreting their forgeries as Tohya's internal struggles somehow... which can be very subjective.

For me Umineko is peak media anyway. I used to be a Fate fan. At this point I can survive any number of bullshit writing decisions so long as the concepts are insanely cool enough that I can gnaw on them for a few years, with good enough characters/story that there's some flesh to keep me actually fed. But it would be interesting to see a Tohya that doesn't exist in Ikuko's shadow, or that has more room to exist in the story at all. Whether with your idea of trans Tohya or something else.

(Ryukishi please give us Umineko GouSotsu I promise you no amount of obtuse/clumsy writing or reused animation will keep us from loving it. Please revisit Umineko please give us more did you know I think about Umineko scrapped content and Ikuko/Tohya toxicity every day plea -)

[barbiebraganca]

HSHQTASK059: FAREWELL !

when did you join ? what made you join ? what do you remember from the plotlines that were current at the time ? where were you in life when you joined and where are you now ?

right at the beginning of 2016, around feb or march. i had just finished high school and took an off year to prepare for uni admission exams. i needed something to take my mind off studying for it and my friend julia suggested i joined her on tumblr rping. i had no idea what that was but she helped me through it and we joined another group together. at the time i also developed a bit of a thing for royals and made my character in that group an undercover norwegian royal, on some princess diaries bullshit. but looking up things for that group i decided to search norwegian royalty on tumblr and found the blog for a character in vik. olav if i'm not mistaken. i started stalking the group and got really interested in it and mentioned it to julia who told me she'd been here before and would join with me if i chose to so we brought barbie and biel. then the group closed and i completely gave up rping until one random day many months later i logged into tumblr again god knows why and there was a message from martha, she told me the group came back to life and i decided to rejoin. and here i am, haven't left since.

which characters have you written over the years ?

ffs, let me see if i can remember all of them: ayo, bruce, barbie, toni, leon, sergi, silje, ilija, zoey (silje's draft), pedro, noémïe (poor thing lasted 3 seconds), ionie. i feel like there's more, i just can't remember.

what is your favourite plotline that you've been part of ?

the zulu & the southern africa conflicts. even all of us applying together that day was such a moment, i loved every bit of it. i had so so much fun writing ayo even if he was one of those characters it is impossible to write filler threads with, i still felt so much joy when i got a notif that someone replied to him, even if the entire reply was someone hating on him hard.

what about other people's plotlines ?

it's impossible to pick one when you've been here from the start and have seen countless amazing ones but the english plot was truly a wonder, even the murder mystery event was fucking incredible. anything involving russia and the romanovs as well was so well thought and made so much sense when you put the pieces together you just can't help but love every bit.

who is your favourite character from the ones you've played ? why ? what made you love them ? what made them so fun to write ?

favourite to write i'd say ayo, for the same reasons i mentioned on the plotline question but if i had to choose only one to keep playing forever it would either be silje or ilija. i feel like those are versatile ones that i could go in different directions with if i'd wanted to. the one i had the most fun writing though was pedro for sure.

if you could relive a plotline, which would it be ?

the invasion in greece and i think everyone who was here for that would say the same thing. that was our most iconic event and for a reason, everyone put 150% into it and it worked out so so so so well we didn't even imagine the outcome it would have, we just wanted to traumatise everyone a bit but received the best event in hshq in return.

is there a plotline that you'd edit now if you could ?

i don't think there is, especially because i don't think i remember even half of them but even then everything was fun and a joy to write about so i probably wouldn't change anything.

what's a plotline you wish you would have been able to finish before closing or just write more of ?

the ones that never happened. e mentioned some of the things we planned and didn't happen on the timeline post but i assure you that's not even the beginning. at times we'd plan an entire year of events in advance and come up with a full story, reasoning, plot drops for it but when the time to have them came we forgot all about it and change everything to something we'd put together in 20 mins instead of the plans we spent days working on. even the cruise ship they were supposed to be stuck in was an idea we had so much fun coming up with and it didn't get to see the light of day.

what is your favourite ooc memory ?

every honesty hour chaos was such a fun time to be on the dash, or whenever something big would happen ic and there would be 100 ooc posts reacting to it on the dash and the jokes were the peak of comedy. but i'll always have a soft spot for the soletsky silent thread bc icb we actually had 40+ notes on that, it was priceless. the word lunch is stuck with me forever. AND that one time i got kicked out on this exact date a couple years back.

where can others find you if they want to get in touch ?

i won't delete the tumblr app from my phone just yet so if you want to send me a mssg, i'll be checking it every now and again. same with discord, i'm there under barbielandwired and we're not deleting the hshq server so we can still have that in case anybody wants to pop into the chat and catch up. i'll give you my socials too if anybody wants that, we're all friends here. i've known u lot for 8 years.

what else would you like to say ?

here.

[rucow]

ok here's my interpretation of the phantom, specifically female phantom bc im a lesbian and i crave more women characters in fiction who have actual depth and are a bit unhinged :'D

(please keep in mind that i haven't read the book yet and that my way of seeing her is based mostly on my own imagination and also me projecting very hard on her😭)

putting this under a read more bc its Long long

first, here is my art of fem!phantom ! and one more art of her

to begin, i headcanon the phantom to be named erica with a c, like the flower that grows in harsh conditions and that's very enduring and requires little water to thrive. i think it suits her! please look up "erica flower" and see for yourself :)

i think 35 is a good age for her, the same age as how long the broadway poto has been running for before closing :')

let's talk about her early life. she was born to a loving mother somewhere in eastern europe (modern day romania perhaps 👉👈), and her appearance was indeed unique but not disfigured. she was born with a birth mark of sorts that affected half of her face and her hair as well, causing strands of her black hair to lack pigment and appear as white (im thinking maybe vitiligo? idk exactly but the point is she looked Unique). she has grey eyes. besides that, as an infant she had a very quiet and calm personality as well, not really crying loudly like most babies do and often staring deeply at people, appearing "creepy" to them. (hint: she was just autistic)

erica's mother loved her. she thought these traits made her special and beautiful, not strange or unsettling. her mother would sing to little erica every day and night, but thats something erica doesn't remember, because her mother died far too soon (i like to keep the cause of death vague) and so little infant erica ended up in an orphanage.

now, the caretakers in the orphanage saw these unique traits of hers differently than her mother did. where erica's mother saw beauty and something special, these people saw Evil and Wrong. they thought they could pray away erica's "affliction" and "cure" her, both her appearance and her quiet reserved odd personality.

she was only about one year old when one of the orphanage caretakers tried a new way of "curing" erica via pouring acid on her little face. the acid dripped onto her neck as well. erica doesn't know this is what caused her scarring. as far as she knows, she has always looked the way she does. she thinks she was born this way, that she was doomed in some way, and sadly she will never know the truth: that this was Done to her

erica spent her first years of life in bandages and healing. even after she had healed, the orphanage caretakers kept her bandages on because they didn't like to See her. they didn't want to acknowledge what they'd done, so they kept her hidden and covered up and pretended her skin would be fine under the bandages.

(this is based on the 2004 film) the travelling fair. members would occasionally visit orphanages and other institutions while pretending to be interested in adopting, when in reality they were interested only in finding children they could exploit. when they saw little erica, who was still only a few years old, they knew they could make money off of her. the orphanage's caretakers were most relieved to be rid of her.

and then we all know what happened, and how a young madame giry took young erica and brought her to the opera and kept her safe and hidden. but erica was deeply traumatised and acted purely on instinct, she was completely nonverbal and nonresponsive. to this day, erica and madame giry still don't speak; their agreements are speechless and they both prefer it that way. erica is very uncomfortable acknowledging her past, so she secretly appreciates madame giry for not prying despite the fact that she witnessed little erica Murdering a whole grown man (again, she acted purely on instinct, she was protecting herself)

the opera was all she's ever known, and she has watched singers and managers and dancers come and go, while she remained. art and drama are all she's ever known. she's never felt the breeze in her hair or the sun on her face. she has access to the opera's roof, but she only goes there at nighttime when she can't be seen, and only on extremely rare occasions. art is her only escape and her only outlet. she doesn't just create music, she also paints, and she can sculpt if she has the materials for it. she creates any and all art

erica is incredibly smart as well, and has a vast knowledge on many topics despite lacking any form of education. she learned to read by watching the operas, because sometimes there would be signs and written words on the props. she paid close attention to any and all information she could get, and there were a lot of old things stored down there beneath the opera house that helped her learn and discover new things. but even so, her knowledge of the real world is incredibly limited. she has no idea what the sea sounds like, or what mountain air smells like

having so little to do, she focused her attention on the operas and on studying them, seeing what could be improved and thinking of how to make them come to life. she found most of the singers and dancers lacking, she felt no one really understood the passion required to make a performance feel alive. but that is probably because the performances were just a job to most of those people, while for erica it was her entire lifestyle. at the end of the day, the performers and managers and whatnot would go home to their families and see to their lives, while erica can never leave the opera house. she's fixated on every aspect of it, from the music to the choreography to the management... she constantly sees things that could be improved, and that leads me to my next point.

she started disguising as the phantom in order to help bring her vision to life, by communicating what she wants changed in the operas. of course, her social skills are lacking, so she puts on an act when interacting with anyone, and she doesn't let herself be seen. acting is the only way she knows how to approach another human, so adopting the role of a phantom wasn't hard for her. its easier to be the villain than to be herself. she is, in both literal and autistic terms, masking. she also sees how women are treated, and how they're not taken as seriously as men, so she dresses herself as a man and uses her naturally deeper and lower voice to seem as one. she's also very tall, which really helps on the rare occasion that she's spotted, though it's usually only her shadow that gets seen

now, christine. erica pretending to be christine's father/angel. again, she did this because its easier for her to play a role than to be herself. she knows that no one would accept her for her true self. she doesn't even really know herself, she's never had the chance to discover herself.. what she's like when she's laughing with friends, or how she acts when caring for a pet or child.. she doesn't know herself at all, all she knows is her work, her passion, her escape: music, art, acting. dreaming.

at first, erica did use christine as a way of making her dreams come to life. she can't perform herself, both because of her appearance and because her voice doesn't allow her to sing as a soprano. so she sees christine, alone and aimless, and begins refining her talent. erica never realises how intensely she feels for christine until raoul comes into play. she's possessive, not really in a romantic sense, but because christine is all she has. christine is the only person who willingly meets with her and listens to her, even though she doesn't know her true identity

seeing christine face to face and in the flesh is what really awoke feelings in erica though, and what made her want to have christine to herself, though she doesn't know how to go about it other than pretending to be something that christine can find trustworthy and desirable (again, the whole masquerading as an angel thing). but erica tries, she tries to drop the façade and be herself. she tries to ask christine to trust and accept her, but you can imagine how difficult and terrifying it must be to be that vulnerable with someone for the first time in your life.

when the unmasking happens, erica basically goes into full panic mode, and can't regain her composure. she doesn't know that christine's intention wasn't bad, but she's truly deeply traumatised and acted on instinct once again, which caused her to lash out at christine as a form of defense. she was really really scared in that moment, and once she became rational again she felt immensely guilty for lashing out at christine and for frightening her :')

she pretty much hates raoul. because he's what she can't be: a safe presence for christine, someone she can feel protected by, someone who can OFFER her a life of freedom and warmth. someone who can be seen in public with her, someone who wont ruin her reputation. erica has nothing to offer but her creations, her music, her hidden passions. she hates raoul because she can't be him. because she can't compete with him. she feels this way about most men, its just that raoul just so happens to be the man that christine is closest to

the murder of buquet. erica had always despised him, for obvious reasons. he reminded her of the men at the travelling fair, with the way he would describe her just for shock factor, and she didn't know how to process that. he was always watching the dancers too closely. his death was a perfect way of showing that she should be taken seriously and that her demands should be met. his death also meant the death of any memory of her past. also, he saw her. she couldn't let him live anyway

the masquerade! don juan triumphant was basically erica's vent art/music (she needs healthier coping mechanisms /lh). erica declaring herself christine's teacher in front of all to see...a cruel act which served to humiliate christine and force her into being associated with her. with the phantom. a complete parallel to christine and raoul's secret engagement........

erica's SINGING. it's just as unique as the rest of her, each word she sings is filled with emotion and passion and meaning. she sings low, and her voice can be soft and forcefully powerful in the same breath. she sounds unearthly, especially since she has no training herself yet she knows how to express herself through song. if only she knew how lovely she sounds,,,,,

performing the point of no return with christine on stage was the highlight of erica's life. she had abandoned all fear and showed herself in public, in front of all to see, JUST to be with christine and to show christine her heart. yes, she knocked piangi out (she didnt quite kill him, because shes Not a mindless murderer) to steal his role, and she doesn't regret it. singing with christine is erica's favourite activity and she wants the whole world to see how well they complement each other. madame giry nearly had a heart attack when she saw erica on stage

erica didn't see it as herself kidnapping christine. in her mind she Had to do this, because it was the only way to make christine understand her and force her to SEE how she feels for her..... and she never intended on killing raoul. would she take her frustrations out on him and brawl with him and choke him and whatnot? yes. would she kill him? no. she can't do that to christine. but it Did feel good to fight him. fighting for her life is all she's known after all

erica was so desperate to show christine her heart that she was willing to say and do anything, and her making christine choose between raoul and herself was her last desperate attempt. though inside she knew christine can't choose and that it isn't fair to force her to do it. when christine kissed her, and comforted her, and told her shes not alone, it was like the heaviest stone was lifted from erica's heart. she snapped out of her desperation and let christine go, because she truly wants to see her happy and safe, even if with someone else. erica had always known she doesn't stand a chance, she knew she can't win christine over, but she dreamt of it anyway. and if she spent less time trying to manipulate christine, she would've seen that christine was always willing to know her and to be with her

also, for any astrology nerds out there: i hc the phantom to be a pisces (with a scorpio moon and capricorn rising) :') basically i made her be an emotional wreck who gets Very obsessive about her passions. art flows through her

that is all :) im sane about her (not true)

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

Ok so I just have to get this thing off of my chest about the Mandalorian and seeing the whole religious philosophy debate. First of all is never cool to hate on religion but it's even worse to discriminate people outside of your religious beliefs and be a bigot.

I think Mandalorian is trying to address the debate of its important to respect everyone forge their own faith and not push your beliefs onto them.

I'm going to be addressing both sides of the coin here quickly. I'm Nonbinary Aromantic Asexual and have grown up all my life Mormon so unlike some people I can see why Din clings so hard to the way so much, he's willing to sacrifice his own life. I don't think people realise the damage of growing up somewhere and being told hey you can't stay anymore because your existence and actions is something I don't believe in. I'm still in church because I know without church I lose all the people I have known since childhood and have no one else because I'm neurodivergent and I'm terrible at making healthy support networks. I will leave my church and become agnostic when I'm ready but I need to rethink my faith first and what it means to be me and get rid of my religious guilt about my identity. Picture Din who has had nothing, he lost his parents at the age of 8 and the covert is the only thing he's ever known since they practically saved his life and raised him in their way. Would he have been different raised under the nite owls we'll never know but right now after losing his ship and almost his child, Din is clinging for his family, he still hasn't fully processed his truama. To him breaking the creed for the kid was a huge thing as it was like stepping into an alien world with no one to support him. Right now he needs the creed until he can let go of his parents and fully process that truama its what he needs. It's also what he needs so he can lift the Darksaber without it breaking his limb. Yes the armour and Paz are red flags but unfortunately there are bad people in every religion and its something that's not our problem unless it effects human rights as we have control of our faith.

I want S3 to be a middle ground between the religious traumatised peeps saying it's a cult and the religious people that are hurt and ashamed by people saying that. Mandalore will only be united if all the tribes can unite and respect each tradition. I never understood that to some religious people might interpret Dins helmet as a hijab or something else as I was looking at it through a Christian Catholic lense especially with the baptism ceremony.

But Star Wars is about interesting mortally gray people (Excluding the empire) and how not everything is black and white.

People forget Truama can bleed into how we read fiction so how do you think a ton of religious traumatised people including myself are gonna react when we see the tribes ways. I haven't seen the episode but the fact that they welcomed Bo and said she can leave anytime was humble and shows how again Mandalore can only be United if all believes are respected.

I think people's biggest problems are with this covert is that they judge their way of Mandalore as the truest and don't respect other people's ways we saw that originally with Din in season 2. Respect is the key thing its not their authority to claim who Mandalorians are. It's a bit rude to tell Mandalorians who were born and raised there that they are not Mandalorian. Mandalorians are only not Mandalorians when they choose to give up their armour. Its like Satine (still love her) calling Jango and Boba Fett none Mandalorians when they are as they are foundlings with their own beliefs. Its like trying to erase an essential part of Mandalorian culture (The warrior side) without a middle ground and I believe that's what the children of the watch and other Mandalorians need to do.

But that's just my thoughts please be respectful and not bigoted otherwise I will block you and disable comments. I'm just so tired of people looking at Children Of The Watch and Dins involvement in a black and white lense when not everything is like that especially in Star Wars of all things.

-Melody-

They/Them

[thisliminalspacedaydreams]

good morning,

41 and 56 for the ask game

Bonjour bonjour! 41 is sad, so happy Friday!

41 - Who’s your favorite character you’ve written?

A bit depressing, probably, but it's Hermione from Echoes. Because she's... incredibly lonely, and she's...essentially (smh) a self insert. I started writing Echoes in November last year after a complicated year in my life where I didn't have much direction and had just lost of a lot of what I thought was my future.

One of the tags is "this is a letter to my loneliness" and it's 100% true, still.

I haven't felt inspired to write Echoes in the past few months because I haven't felt lonely (which is great). Finishing this story while I'm in this really cool, great place is actually pretty hard. I don't want to hiatus it because I DO want to finish it, I'm just... taking the scenic route.

Hermione is pretty traumatised and putting myself back in her shoes is... not a vibe I'm down for at the moment. I go dabble in the pool a few times a months, have a look around, type a few things.

56 - Are there any fics that you would change or rewrite if given the chance?

I'd scrap the last 3 chapters of Heartless and take it another direction.

I've been battling with it for weeks and I'm just... I'm going on holidays and I am going to sit down and re-read the entire thing and make notes and try to dépatouiller all of this.

I wouldn't rewrite anything else, if only because I can physically SEE my writing improve, fic by fic. When I started on another, secret account when I was like, 13, I... I go back to it sometimes and just smile because my god. My GOD. It's awful, and I'm so grateful, because it means progress can happen. Every fic I write is my new favorite fic for a week, and then it dies and is forever forgotten and a new one takes it places, and then it becomes my favorite one, and so one and so forth.

I can't shut up at the moment about MDDM/God eater that I wrote with @greenvlvetcouch, but I'm already brain rotting about the other secret project we've just sort of started dabbling in, and I can just tell it's going to surpass God Eater (in terms of how crazy the themes and the storyline and the challenges and GAHHHHHH I'm SO EXCITED TO START WRITING THIS).

I think for a writer, the experience of writing a fic is very different than for a reader.

God Eater, or any other "longer" fic, is something that takes hours and hours and hours and HOURS to create, you know, so by the time it comes out it's all new and shiny for you guys but we're like "yeah that line was cool 6 weeks ago but I've written a lot more, a lot better, since."

Basically all my previous work is like, cool, but the ones coming are always much more exciting to me, probably because I really do write for myself, and whether a fic does "well" or "not" doesn't impact my love for it at all. I never write in the hope that people will read it. I write to exorcise whatever the hell comes, bleeding, out of me.

This ask game

[what-if-nct]

I don’t know if this is just me being a sociopath, but I really like seeing happy people suffering for some reason. Like I’ve noticed I watch TOO many videos of true crime or just news reports of people dying over the past few months.

I don’t know what it is, but it might be a reaction to my trauma where I like seeing happy people being stooped down to my level and it makes me feel happier that I’m not the only person who has to deal with shit like what I have to go through in life.

But at the same time, I hate hearing about people in relationships issues or even people getting 👉👌 harassed as a child. Not sure why is that the case but if I had to guess then it would be because I would feel like my traumatic experiences aren’t the same as theirs and so I have no rights to be traumatised.

But then again, I’d watch true crime but I don’t like hearing people talking about the victim and how they were so loved by everyone in the community and blah blah blah. Of course if it’s about someone I know (which 99.9% of it isn’t), but I just love to hear about the story itself with the gruesome wording that would make my toes curl.

Anybody else?

Just me? Well alright then.

even though I don't really relate, I'm super sensitive and like when ever I see someone is sad or feels unwell my first instinct is to hug them. Like my heart literally hurts. And I can only watch true crime videos by those who speak with so much love and compassion for the victim and their family. Sherrilyn Dale is my favorite, her voice sounds like a hug.

But I do see how depending on your own life and trauma it creates different reactions there's those who want to see others feel the same pain that they feel cause it feels unfair, "why do I have to feel this way? and no one else does. I want others to know what I feel" than there's others who are the opposite and they never want to see anyone in pain because they know what that is like and they dont want to see anyone else feel the way they feel. I don't think one is less then the other it's just personal responses to trauma. But it is important to really try to heal that wound that leaves you stuck in that place.

Also I think there's no competition of whose trauma is more valid. They're all different and hold a different kind of weight. Like I know it's hard to not feel like well others have had worse what makes me have the right to feel the way I do. Like I discredit my own experiences cause I was an adult and actually older than those who did what they did, so it took me a long time to see it for what it was. To be fair I still haven't fully processed it I didn't realize it was what it was till I told my friends and they said something. But it's all valid and you're trauma is as valid as anyone else no matter if it's mental, emotional or physical everyone has a right to feel what they feel and to talk about how it effects them.

Fascination with it is common for different reasons, For me I just like learning about things, places and people and their lives and stories and why someone is the way they are or why they did what they did, I actually prefer the ones with survivors to hear their lived experiences and how they escaped. I think Kendal Rae covers a few survivors, as well minor cases, like scammers. Then there's those who just like gory stories which is also shown through the worlds fascination with horror. But you're most likely aren't alone.

[onlyafoolformyships]

It is so tragic that someone so sexy has to go through so much

-Dean Winchester

[jiminsproof]

tag game ✨️

I was tagged by @wistfulocean to share top 10 of my blorbos. 💗 Thank you Heather. 🥰 I haven't really talked about my fictional faves on this blog, so here goes the first 10 characters that came to my mind with some RANTS:

Lan Xichen (The Untamed)

HE WAS WRITTEN FOR ME. FOR ME. The eldest just a tad bit gay and traumatised sibling which copes by trying to be a good person and taking care of everyone and especially his little brother? 😭 And meanwhile the universe is testing how much betrayal, grief and heartbreak he can take before he yeets himself into seclusion and hopefully not off the rooftop??? I WOULD DIE FOR HIM. Also choosing between him and Wuxian was very UNFAIR!!! 😡

Yoon Se-ri (Crash Landing On You)

MY ULTIMATE TRAUMA MADE ME COPE BY BEING A WORKAHOLIC CHARACTER. I love her to bits, and especially her big heart that just comes more and more to the surface as you continue to watch the series. 🥰 Also both her capability of judging people's character and her forgiveness!! The only straight person ever. And... possibly... the only straight person on this list....

Basil Hallward (The Picture of Dorian Gray)

A whole lot gay and in love with a homicidal asshole? (I still love you Dorian though). A poor baby that has done nothing wrong ever but still blamed himself for everything? An artist? How can I not love him? His 'it was not intended as a compliment, it was a confession' echoes in my mind every now and then, CHILLS just thinking about that scene.

Pa (Bad Buddy/Magic of Zero)

The only person to own a braincell in her family. 💗 (Sorry Pat I still love you though). Very relatable in refusing to deal with other's people bullshit but also somehow always finding herself in the middle of the same or slightly different bullshit?? Also I love another queer icon and Bad Buddy is exactly the subversion of all the BL toxic tropes WHICH I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT. NOT TO MENTION THE INKPA SPIN-OFF 🥲🥲🥲🥲

also A SAVAGE

Wen Kexing (Word of Honor)

All the atrocities he committed are a part of him and I've decided they're funny 🥰 I love both of WoH soulmates equally tbh but his character development and how he went from seeking revenge to fighting for his man only AND ULTIMATELY ALMOST SACRIFICING HIS LIFE FOR HIM I- 🥲 IT'S ABOUT OVERCOMING YOUR TRAUMA IT'S ABOUT DECIDING TO TELL ANOTHER STORY WITH YOUR LIFE IT'S ABOUT FOCUSING ON LOVE NOT ON HATRED BITCH. One of the best written characters I've ever seen. Oh and very gay obviously?

Margot Verger (Hannibal)

IT'S ABOUT KILLING YOUR ABUSER WITH THE POWER OF LESBIANISM. I really love her for how withstanding years of terrible treatment didn't make her incapable of telling right from wrong, her determination, and sense of humour. HILARIOUS. HER SENSE OF HUMOUR IS SO DRY. Not to mention her love story with Alana is possibly the most beautiful and aesthetically pleasing depiction of a wlw relationship in Western television!!!!! You can't prove me wrong bye

Pete (Kinnporsche)

Pete is one of the most relatable characters I've EVER seen in television (possibly like THE character for me but I'll give it some time), and his meltdown in the latter part of the series was honestly... wow... I cried for hours after watching ep 13 but it was also weirdly healing. He has a Shakespeare tattoo. He masks his own internal turmoil by being a sunshine and taking care of others. He said fuck dichotomy of evil. I stan an icon. Oh of course he's very gay too

Eve Polastri (Killing Eve)

IT'S ABOUT THE INVERSED HERO TROPE IT'S ABOUT DISCOVERING YOUR WORST INSTINCTS BY SEEING THEM MIRRORED IN SOMEONE ELSE AND FINALLY IT'S ABOUT ACCEPTING THEM AS A VALID AND VERY IMPORTANT PART OF YOU. I hated the ending of KE as any other folk (burying the gays.... showstopping....... spectacular......) but Eve's journey especially in the two first seasons was GREAT. Also, Phobe Waller-Bridge would never do this to me

and now onto some blasts from the past, my first two favourite characters ever were:

Anakin Skywalker & Padmé Amidala (Star Wars)

I was 6 when I became a SW fan and those two have always had my heart! SURE LIKE I KNOW THE PREQUELS ARE NOT ✨️FLAWLESS✨️BUT TRY WATCHING ROTS WITHOUT CRYING. YOU CAN'T. I could probably write an essay on why I love those two but let's keep it at: I love characters that are doomed from the start <3

can you tell i write essays about analysing media and my major means i look for symbolism everywhere haha?

no pressure tagging some of my favourite people, i hope you're having a lovely day 🥰: @singingtillthemorn, @kimchokejin, @ki-limepie, @aprylynn, @seoksao, @joon-rkive, @rintual. 💗

[ghostietoasty]

Why Sherlock Holmes FGO is Sus: Theories and More

Before I begin, I’d like to give thanks to my wonderful friend for all the points, art, and info searching that have been made to produce this piece, I can’t appreciate you enough for the effort you put in. 🥺🙏💕

Alright now on to it!

INTRODUCTION: Humble Beginnings (Identification of the Abnormal)

If you’ve played the app Fate/Grand Order for a while you’d know about the Heroic Spirit we first encounter in a hole within Camelot’s dessert whilst going to the Atlas Institute. Smart, handsome looking, and sharp enough to discern our True Name, this man of mystery has been seen as an oddball by many long time players of the game. There are many aspects about him that raise doubt about his credibility, is he truly what he wants us to think he is? That servant is Sherlock Holmes (Ruler) and there are many theories about him having some secrets, about him either being a Foreigner class, Beast class, or something else entirely. We are attempting to catalogue all this information in one place for maximum clarity.

SECTION 1: Other Character’s Reaction (First Impression is the Best Impression) *WARNING LOSTBELT 1 AND 2 SPOILERS AHEAD*

From the first encounter in Camelot right until the end of Lostbelt 2, there are many instances of characters reacting to his presence in….interesting ways.

Bedivere, when first coming in contact with Holmes in Camelot says that "I suppose I've never really been good with people like him. He reminds me of Merlin."

It could refer to the mysterious manner in which both Holmes and Merlin conduct themselves, but better to keep in mind that Merlin is a Grand Caster, and that he manifests as a servant due to specific circumstances (he is not dead).

In Camelot, Mash assumes that Holmes must be Caster class and that the original novels by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle must have been biographies penned by Dr. Watson under a pen name. Holmes corrects her, saying that: "My true identity, my essence, is slightly different from what you may think. And sad, but that is not the purpose of our gathering here today."

This dilemma is also present in the Sherlock Holmes Trial Quest (which mostly tackles the debate of whether he's a fictional character or someone who actually existed). Holmes has a line where he says:

"Ah, yes. I mentioned I was a Caster. Forgive me, I lied."

This is however immediately followed up by:

"A jest. My apologies. I couldn't help myself." 

This sort of backpedalling raises a doubt as to whether he was really Caster class before, so the nature of his former class is still a mystery. He later mentions that his Ruler class is the World telling him that not all illusions and dreams need to be laid bare.

When meeting with Salieri in Lostbelt 1, Holmes introduces himself as such:"I'm Sherlock Holmes, Chaldea's administrative advisor. I became a servant through unusual means, just like you."

Salieri was only summonable as a servant  because of his reputation caused by the fact that he killed Mozart. He is under the effect of Innocent Monster. It can also be said that Salieri is a lostbelt servant and is significantly more sane than he would have been in a normal summoning, that was the unusual summoning that Holmes was refering to. Does this mean Holmes is not from Proper Human History? 

Sigurd (who's under the control of Surtur), while attacking us in Lostbelt 2 says this: "So, a human and two Heroic Spirits. No, wait. Neither of you are pure Heroic Spirits, are you? You've both got something else mixed in. Hehe, hybrids then. Interesting" 

This is in reference to Holmes and Mash, who are alongside the master at this moment. Mash is a demiservant (human+servant) hence the "Hybrid" comment makes sense, but Holmes? What is the "something else" mixed in with Holmes?

Later in LB2, Holmes requests the assistance of Scáthach-Skadi in beating Surtur. Skadi says that normally she would never pay mind to what a mere Heroic Spirit had to say but: "...but in your particular case…I sense wisdom in those beautiful eyes. You remind me of Baldr, god of light." Quite a bit later, she also has this to say:"Perhaps those piercing eyes of yours in fact surpass Odin's? Mystic Eyes, perchance? ….No, that's not it. They merely reflect your wisdom born of human history's cumulative accomplishments."

She says that's not it, but the fact that it was the first thing she thought of shouldn't be ignored. 

Baldr is the god of light. Holmes' attacks consist of beams of light, and his cane lights up when he's using it in battle.

In Norse legends, Odin is said to have sacrificed one eye to the spring of Mimir in order to get ancient wisdom, the ability to perceive everything in the world. 

SECTION 1.5: More Reactions (From JP Only)

Since it is JP only and there is no official translation for NA yet, this information cannot be 100% confirmed in any way. (Most of this is from Reddit translation done by fans). But as these are also important, it's best to put this information separate section.

Moriarty's interlude involves him finding a micro-singularity in London. At some point the transmission between Chaldea and the master gets cut and Moriarty reveals he created this scenario, made the singularity and everything to get one on one time with the master. He tells us not to trust Holmes. When the time comes, we as master should choose Moriarty over Holmes. 

It has to be kept in mind that Moriarty is not a good guy, he is a character created entirely to oppose Holmes so it is natural that he doesn't trust him. For all we know, it is just emotional manipulation. 

Moriarty's very nature is tied to being the antithesis of Holmes. Holmes might theoretically go against us for the sake of humanity while also trying to keep us safe (the master is in a way, a Watson replacement to him after all) while Moriarty would gladly let humanity burn for the sake of us but also for the sake of being completely opposite to Holmes and keeping his identity as such.

However he does raise valid points, how was Holmes able to rayshift? This part was never explained, and he also mentions that his hypothesis has a fatal contradiction in the fact that Holmes risked his life to save ours. What can be inferred from this is that Holmes is a good man and is on our side, but there is something very weird about him that should not be ignored.

In Lostselt 5 it is mentioned at one point that Zeus called Holmes dangerous, he mustn't look at Zeus or the other gods and that his eyes are enemies of the world.

It has to be mentioned that this is some heavy emphasis on Holmes' eyes (Skadi mentioned Holmes' eyes twice, and she was a god as well). Is it because of the nature of Holmes that he is the one that reveals all truth? Is that in some way detrimental to gods, magic and the world in general?

Recently, from Holmes' skill upgrade interlude there was a section about Holmes saying that he is always an ally of justice and that while he may be on our side, he is still capable of evil but it doesn't change the fact that he is our ally. Even then it seems he has some secrets that can't be understood by himself.

By now with the presence of Dr. Jekyll and Helena and their recounts on what happened, it is confirmed that Holmes was actually "alive"(?)

Some of the adventures penned by Dr. Watson were actually censored versions of the original happenings, which were magical in nature.

Holmes was traumatised(?) by Helena's death back when they were both alive. He swears he would never let that happen again. (remember what happened in lostbelt 2…)

It seems that Holmes himself is not fully sure of what is secret about him. Since he utterly dislikes talking about something without being 100% sure about it (this tendency of his has gotten us in trouble before) plus his general secretive nature, it can be said that this is why he wouldn't talk about that.

SECTION 2: Weird Things That Holmes Does (And Other Questions)

Heroic Spirits are anything but normal, but there are few servants who break the norm even further, and Holmes is one of them.

Holmes is able to Rayshift (presumably) from London, to Camelot, and then to Shinjuku. There are very few servants who are able to manifest themselves. 

Musashi also appears here and there, but it's not a deliberate choice on her part. She is not able to predetermine her next destination. 

Arthur travels from a parallel world to this world, but this is due to "chasing after a certain powerful antagonist, evil omen" - so he tells.

Beast class has the skill of Independent Manifestation which would allow the servant to manifest anywhere they'd want. Merlin, Tamamo Vitch and Shiki possess it. However, it has to be noted that Holmes' rayshifts have a significant toll on his saint graph, as he is unable to fight or defend himself by the time we meet him in Camelot. While normal Independent Manifestation shouldn't lead to the depletion of the user's saint graph. Holmes' class is unknown at the time of his rayshifting. 

At the time of summoning, Heroic Spirits usually reveal their class and True Name (there also are exceptions to the rule). At the time of his summoning, Holmes doesn't reveal his Class: "Are introductions necessary? I am a detective. If you were expecting a hero, my apologies...But if you wanted a detective or an investigator, you drew the right card."

In the case of EOR Servants whose names haven't been found, they reveal their class.

Who summoned Holmes? The only thing we know regarding his presence was that it was first clearly there when he tampered with information in London.

Holmes' illustrator is Yamanaka Kotetsu, who was also the illustrator of the beasts Tiamat and Goetia

The artists who design and illustrate the characters tend to do it in groups of servants who are related to each other in some way (Pako with Arjuna and Karna Chacha and Nobunaga; Miwa Shiro with Brynhildr and Sigurd). It is strange that Kotetsu designed only Holmes, Tiamat and Goetia.

(NEW ADDITION) It should also be noted that as an illustrator Kotetsu has had previous works in a Lovecraftian Guidebook and is also the artist to the Alien God Preistess, somewhat showing how their work leans more to the outerworldly.

SECTION 3: The Design

It is a very commonly noticed fact that Holmes' coat in his third ascension has a very similar shape to that of the Foreigner card artwork.

The pattern work on the coattails of the foreigner art and the inside (blue) part of Holmes' coattails have a very similar, if not exactly same pattern running down the entire length of it. The sphere summoned in Holmes' Noble Phantasm also has the same pattern on its sides and front.

There is a "fog" around Holmes in his third ascension, which is reminescent of the smoke in the card art. (Also can be the London smog).

The glowing section of the abdomen of the being reminds one of the metallic corset that Holmes wears. 

There are 4 notches of smoke on either side of the being (total 8), under their cape. If we stretch our interpretation, then it could mean Holmes' arms and the metal arms that he has is also equal to 8.

In that tangent, the shape of the coat is also similar to that of Saver class Buddha, the fantasy trees from Lostbelt 3 and 4, and the Shadows made by the 6th imaginary element.

The Endless Knot / Shrivatsa symbol on his shoulders is one of the many references of his connection to Tibet (faking his death after the Final Problem). It is an important symbol in both Jainism and Buddhism.

Some of its interpretations include:

The eternal continuum of mind.

The union of wisdom and method.

Since the knot has no beginning or end it also symbolizes the wisdom of the Buddha

the endless cycle of suffering or birth, death and rebirth within Tibetan Buddhism.

The cane that Holmes wields has a pattern on its handle in the shape of a Prayer Wheel. 

However, we are not able to find the meaning behind the script on the cane. Both of us attempted to translate it but failed. If anyone can translate the meaning it would be greatly appreciated.

The holographic books in the base of the unidentified sphere have a pattern on their front that greatly resembles a lotus. 

In Holmes' third ascension, there are a number of magical circuits on his coat.

The circuits are almost only on his left side, with very few circuits on his right side. It's not like it was woven into it, were that the case the circuits would have been all over his coat in a more even distribution. It's almost like an impact radius.

The circuits are very similar to the ones visible on the title screen of the lostbelts, as well as the patterns seen on the fantasy trees.

CONCLUSION SECTION: Something's Up (It's Big Brain Time)

It's clear that something is very strange about Holmes, from his interactions to his design, it's clear that there is too much effort into throwing these hints that it's not just a red herring.

Is he a Foreigner? Beast? Counter Guardian? Some other unknown extra class? It cannot be said at the moment. Holmes' role as a revealer itself is dangerous to mystery and magic, so it can be anything.

 It is also not necessarily true that just because Holmes has all these abnormalities, that he will betray us, or is on the side of evil. When has there been a clear cut side of good or evil anyway? It can be argued that we are the villains in some way, as we bring about the end of these timelines to safeguard our own proper human history. 

Holmes has always been on the side of humanity and will continue to be, the question is what the reveal will be, why and how. That, only time and future chapters can answer, all we can do is speculate.

[sunsetsover]

I never would have thought that Ben had a diagnosis beyond Traumatised but since finding your blog and seeing your perspective and looking into bpd myself it makes so much sense, and has really changed the way I view him, cos I've not always been fair to his character. I really enjoy seeing your perspective, you have a really interesting understanding of the characters. I think Callum is viewed with a bit more empathy, but people don't like it when their faves step out of the acceptable boxes they're in. That's why people have gone off Ruby and Sharon as well, cos they haven't behaved acceptably.

sorry anon but we're best friends now. we're besties. like i could kiss u for this message i really could.

i LOVE that i was able to highlight some things and that you did your own research and reached your own conclusions on these things !!!! that honestly means more to me than you just taking my word for it. bc it just makes so much sense right ??? like i could spot it right away bc looking at him is like looking in a mirror but when even looking at his character from a diagnostic criteria it just ??? makes SO much fucking sense ?? i could honestly talk abt it all day like the man has bpd !! my god !!!! plus i'm all for just generally making ppl more aware of bpd bc not enough ppl even KNOW abt it let alone understand it so ee aside just the fact that you took time out of your life to do a little bit more research to try and learn more and understand makes me wanna cry. like i love u for that i really do.

and i love that you can acknowledge that your perspective on his actions have changed now that you're looking at them as the actions of someone who's mentally ill. tbh it doesn't bother me THAT much when ppl don't understand ben's actions bc like The BPD Experience is just being a constant state of 'now why tf did i do that/why do i feel this way/why would i say that' so i don't expect everyone to understand. but the way people talk about ben sometimes?? especially after the boat crash??? that shit hurt. like on a personal level, some of that stuff really hurt me. which is why im so defensive, not just for him as a character but more for the people who are looking at him and relating to him and his actions only to see people shitting all over him and calling him all sorts of things because of how he was behaving and reacting to everything that was happening to him. so it just. means a lot to me for someone to go 'actually maybe i have been unfair to him'. so thank you <3

i completely agree w u regarding callum, but i also think it's bc ppl know what ptsd is (or at least they think they do lmao). like i think having that little bit more awareness of what ptsd is does mean ppl tend to be more sympathetic, plus the fact that it's being Addressed vs ben which is just this unnamed Thing. PLUS the fact that bpd in and of itself is extremely complicated and all over the place and even some doctors are kind of like ???? so ofc the gp is too lmao its just a combination of things imo but poor ben always ends up w the short straw :-(

but ur SO right abt ppl not wanting their faves to step out of their boxes omg u spilled ESP in regards to ruby !!!!! my god !!! her going evil was the most interesting thing that's happened to her character in lord knows how long and yet !!!! it was like the world was ending my GOD. i just wish ppl would learn the difference between 'bad writing' and 'a writing choice i didn't like/agree with' bc the two aren't the same fucking thing !!!!

but anyway this message meant a lot to me honestly sorry if i went ott lmao but i just feel very Strongly abt this and am very Defensive of ppl w bpd bc there are so many bad and harmful stereotypes out there abt us and ppl just talk so much shit and refuse to learn or even TRY and understand so it means a lot that you did. AND that you took the time to come and tell me abt it. so thank you ily 💕💕💕

[bi-demon-ium]

hehe the gay war criminals are two men who fought in Vietnam together who like traumatising children and all people with common sense know they’re gay <3 fellas is it a little fruity to tell your almost life long bestie, whom you got a matching tattoo with and swore to protect till the day he died and also who you just dumped your normal life for - which included a girlfriend you instantly ghosted the second he came back to you - that he’s your only weakness? and is it a little bit of a homo move to then immediately get him arrested because you fear the power that your love for him has over you? is that just a little bit gay? and the answer is yes. Also the show just has terrible writing now but that’s a totally different topic on its own

and Britta! (Blonde from community) yes she is a little bit of the worst but also I kinda love her she’s terrible in an embarrassing way where even she is a little embarrassed. honestly though I love all the characters except Pierce n that’s mainly bc Chevy Chase wasn’t acting hes a racist asshole in real life but otherwise? the show is amazing. and also Dean Pelton is reverse CW representation - the kind of representation that seemed like it was going to be homophobic and then actually ended up rather sweetly sincere, albeit not perfect. Community my beloved <3 all the documentary episodes are so good I’ve watched the one about the pillow fight war at least fifteen times

also like almost everyone in Community is bisexual. this is technically a hc but if you watch the show you’ll know it’s really just the truth. in short Community not gay but in a good kind of actually it is gay way, Cobra Kai gay in a homophobic way bc the writers don’t know what show they’re writing

oh huge mood. i gave her the rundown and she was like "yeah thats who i thought you meant lol" and then "yeah they weren't stated as gay but i can see the vibe" and then Did Not Elaborate Further.

so like always sunny in philadelphia but wholesome sometimes and they suck less? except pierce? /hj

i haven't seen that show either <3

but yeah fuck i actually need to watch community i've literally enjoyed almost every clip i've seen of it like. please @ me just do it. just do it. just d