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angry-geese · 3 years

Text

For Myself

Sukuna x Reader

Warnings: nsfw mention. mention of violence, blood, injury, and cannibalism. implied murder. starts off kind of dark but gets fluffier towards the end. gn!reader.

obligatory warning for my poor editing skills. if theres any egregious errors i'll get to them when i get home from work

Summary: some fluff where Sukuna comforts the reader while they're sick

Word Count: 2.4k

He's certain you would be more comfortable in his lap than on the floor. Even as he beckons you to sit, you refuse, turning your gaze away. You adjust your position to a more comfortable spot on your knees. The floor is hard and cold, but you don't have much longer to wait anyway. Sukuna has grown bored of the man standing in front of him. A peace offering, in exchange for not razing their village. A young woman, brought here against her own will. Her life to replace yours. It's nothing Sukuna wants, nor can he make use of her. She’s no sorcerer, likely no good in a fight, and too frail to be worth eating.

Worst of all, it insults you.

An insult to you, is an insult to Sukuna himself.

The man was only delaying the inevitable. Humans have a habit of doing that. They’re resilient, like cockroaches. You can squash, poison, trap, or drop a nuke on as many as you want to, but they’ll always come back.

He planned on killing him from the moment he stepped foot in the door.

And when he kills him, he makes sure to have the woman watch. She lays curled at your feet as you regard them both with cold eyes. Not a scream passes her lips. She’s either frozen with fear, or knows that moving is the worst thing she can do.

She begs for her life.

Sukuna leaves it up to you to decide.

It was an insult to you, after all. In a past life you could see yourself letting her go. There's many things in life you used to do that are no longer habits of yours. You were in her shoes years ago. Time has hardened you, made you cruel. If a past version of you could look at you now, you don't know if you’d recognize yourself. Not all change is bad. People are meant to change, and they’re going to do so.

You give her a minute to start running. After that, it's up to Sukuna with what he wants to do with her.

She takes the opportunity, thinking she has a chance to survive, and flees. The guards and servants let her. Your word is second to Sukuna’s. The only person who could overturn an order put in place by you is Sukuna himself. He usually doesn't. The resulting chaos from anything you do is good entertainment. And he has all the time in the world. Being immortal leads to a lot of boredom.

Sukuna would hunt her down before she could escape the estate.

Nobody got away from him. Not even you. Nowadays you’re much less serious about leaving but you still threaten it if he dares piss you off.

He'd never let you go. You know that. Try as you will, you're never getting free.

Not that you have anything to go back to. And you're rather comfortable here. Comfortable may be a bit of a stretch, but you're housed, fed, and protected. The basic human needs are taken care of. Sukuna cares about you in his own, twisted way. You may have first been just a plaything to keep his stomach full and his balls empty—a toy to be discarded after a day or two—but you've earned a place by his side. He wakes up next to you, he goes to sleep next to you. He's grown used to having you around. And you to him.

You're just as much his, as he is yours.

Everything about the man is selfish, and all-consuming. But when he is with you, he finds himself giving for the first time in his life.

He gets a servant to draw him a bath. He has the decency to scrub the blood off before finding you, and asking you to join him. His bloodied kimono is replaced with a clean one. It's black, the sleeves are wide enough to accommodate his four arms. Blood doesn't bother you, but he doesn't want to track it all over his house.

Something is wrong.

He doesn't remember you getting hurt, but you’re acting like you’re injured. He thinks back to this morning, how he had to drag you out of bed. How sluggish you acted.

Worry creases itself between his eyebrows.

Your mortality was something he knew of, but never gave much thought. There was no need to. The mortality of others was something he didn't care about. You weren't supposed to be kept long. You were merely a sacrifice, meant to appease Sukuna, and in turn he wouldn't raze your village. While young, and pretty, not good enough to save your people. He planned on fucking you, burning your village to the ground, then eating you. Not necessarily in that order, but that was the plan.

He's taken everything from you. Your home, your life, your family. Even as you were forced to face your fate, you never gave in, never lost your bite. You defied him and lived. You had a malicious streak in you. You were never as sweet and as innocent as the people of your village first played you up to be. Years later you still put up the same fight. It's a constant back and forth between you two.

You’d never be able to hurt him. As much as you'd scratch and bite, you'd never so much as draw blood. Harming the King of Curses was not an easy task.

His 'love' was much more material at first. As you got settled down, survived more than a week, gifts appeared. Jeweled hair pins and beautiful, expensive kimonos appeared. All made just for you. He'd never admit to being behind it. You were not complacent, but you were comfortable. You were his spoiled pet. That didn't stop you from clawing at his eyes whenever he picked you up when you didn't want to be touched. Being spoiled didn't make you nice.

None of his pets have lasted quite as long as you have. At least eight times the trees of his estate have shriveled and turned brown in winter, and the ground has hardened with frost. At least eight times they've bloomed and have had the life of spring breathed back into them, and the ground has thawed and turned muddy. You just did what you had to in order to survive. You've more than just survived. Some would say you’ve thrived. You would beg to differ. If you were the begging type.

He still views you as a pet. You’re human after all. Though sometimes it feels like you’re becoming more curse than human. Being viewed as an equal to him is impossible, but he values you. You're not something that can easily be replaced.

His hand touches your shoulder from behind. You don't flinch. You used to flinch. Then you started swinging. You're never able to hurt him. You're strong, but not that strong.

"She was far too frail to eat," you say, "I assumed you didn't want to keep her for that."

You don't eat human meat. Or try not to. Early on in your stay, before you knew better… It wasn't pork. Uraume was a wonderful cook, but not for anything you ate. Personally it's not your thing. Non-human meat is hard to come by around here, so you’ve stopped eating the stuff altogether. If you wanted it, Sukuna would make a servant get it for you, but you are content without it.

"You made the right call." He says. You always do.

He slips beside you, watching as you remove the intricate pins from your hair. You always loved your hair. Even at your darkest moment you took great care of it. It was a source of pride for you.

A wave of nausea rolls over you. Sweat beads in your hairline, rolling down your back, under the thin fabric of your—his—robe. You have little need for clothes. It doesn't get that cold here. Sukuna tears them off you anyway. Covering yourself up isn't necessary, but you do it out of modesty, and a sense of normalcy. You protest as he pulls at the fastenings of your robe, the flimsy fabric pooling at your feet. You have no plans on getting wet, you’d much rather go to bed. You’re tired, and you don't want to be bothered.

The tub is large enough to fit several of you. You guess it's fitting. The man is huge. He settles into the water behind you, pulling you to his chest. Try as you will, you’re not going to be able to struggle out of his grip. You’re too tired to put up much of a fight, though you do complain.

One of his sets of arms wraps around you, effectively trapping you in place. The other pulls a washcloth from the side of the tub, into the water with you. As much as you hate to admit it, the warm water feels nice against your sore muscles.

Sukuna is not a sentimental man. But with the way his hands trace across your skin, soft, lovingly, like he’s reading a book of braille, makes you think otherwise. He doesn't leer at the curves of your body like he normally does. His eyes scan across your body, looking for any sign of injury.

When he deems you clean enough, and your skin has turned a nice shade of pink from the hot water, he lets you go. You're the first to get out, drying yourself off. You never realized how cold the room was before.

He hauls you into his arms. You do little to protest, which worries him.

The King of Curses has no need for sleep. The bed mostly serves for asthetic purposes, though he's not opposed to fucking you across any flat surface, you seem to favor softer ones.

Much like the tub, his bed is large enough to fit several of you. You feel dwarfed by its size. The man is huge, he needs a bed to fit. You could sprawl out as wide as possible and never have any of your limbs hanging over the sides.

He follows you, silent.

He can't recall ever letting any of his pets share his bed before. Some have tried. Tried. He can't recall any of them surviving as long as you have, either. He finds himself irritated at the thought of anything bad ever happening to you.

He doesn't join you in bed.

He doesn't need sleep the same way humans do. He can, but if he were to decide not to, it would bring no harm to him. He used to never dream. It was something he did, back when he was human, but that time has long passed. But whenever he dreamed, he’d wake up next to you. Experiences like that made him realize just why humans like to sleep so much. Before he never woke up rested; he was never tired in the first place.

You shove the covers aside and crawl underneath. They smell like him. He snubs out the candle burning on the side table with his index finger and thumb. Though it's dark, there’s enough light in the room to make out his much-larger form.

You shiver, although sweat forms along your skin in a thin sheen. Sukuna knows it's not cold. He sits on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. The back of his hand presses to your forehead. You’re burning up.

You were warm before, but he thought it was because of the bath. He’s not really sure what to do. It's rare moments like these that he's forced to face your mortality. He knows you're fragile—compared to him—but he can't bear the thought of something bad happening to you.

One of his large hands moves to cup your cheek. It's just as warm as your forehead. The pad of his thumb runs across your cheekbone.

"Stay with me." You say. You stretch your arms out towards him, making grabbing motions with your hands.

You’re not one to beg. Even when faced with death, you look it straight in the eyes. Call it bravery, or lack of self preservation. He admired that about you. You ignored your mortality because it did not matter to you.

“What's the matter, pet?”

“I don't feel too good.” You say.

Though he doesn't say it, he can tell.

“I’ll get Uraume-”

“No,” your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him back towards your chest, “no. I’m okay.”

He settles down beside you in bed, on top of the covers. When he opens his arms, you go right into them. He makes sure to keep the blankets tucked around you. Sukuna runs warm naturally. You huddle close to him, trying to steal his warmth. Though your face feels abnormally warm, you shiver. His much larger body lays partially on top of yours, his head resting on your chest, ear pressed to your skin. He can hear your heartbeat. Steady, and alive. Something low in your chest rattles when you breathe.

He should get a servant to bring you water, or some tea. It occurs to him how little he knows about the mundane things humans do to make themselves feel better. Not that he ever needed to care. In all the years you’ve been by his side, he’s never seen anything like this happen. He can't decide, and instead calls for both. If you need medicine, he’ll get that too, but you don't seem to be at that point. Uraume knows more about humans than he does. He’s no doctor, but he’ll work. If he asks you, you’ll just say you’re fine.

He holds the cup up to you, beckoning you to drink. The glass is cold against your lips. Even as your hands wrap around it, he doesn't let it go. He sets the empty glass on the side table with a soft thunk.

His large hand smoothes over your head, brushing your hair out of your eyes. His nails feel nice against your scalp. Nothing about the man is soft, but when he’s left alone with you, moments like this are bound to happen. You allow yourself to be pet. The heat, combined with the weight of his body, threatens to lull you off to sleep. The ache in your joints keeps you from doing so.

When he kisses you, you taste like a curse.

#jjk x reader #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fluff

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holycrimin · 3 years

Text

It hurts to love.

Karl heisenberg x male!reader

Tags: Hanahaki and angst

SFW

(Note: In this au, none of the main events happen with ethan, as he is not in this story. Also SPOILER WARNING.)

(Warning: probably shitty plot, but i'm trying my best ok)

[Your pov]

It all started a year or two ago, when mother miranda had found me lurking around the village. As i was not a local, she deemed me suspicous. However, before she had the chance to kill me, She had a spark in her eye. As if she had an idea. And before i knew it she was using me as some sort of vessel for her daughter, Eva. Although i am a male, she had seen something special in me apparently. I had also found out that her daughter had passed away and she was determined to bring her back.

It failed.

The experiment... failed.

I was no longer deemed useful.

She had proposed me two options. become a servant or assistant to one of the lords, or die. A slow, and painful death.

Of course I chose to be an assistant.

She was kind enough to let me choose who to work for, thankfully.

Lady dimitrescu was very much intimidating. And from what I've heard, if you mess up even just a little while working for her, you will be sent to the dungeons. Never to be seen again. And she isnt really fond of men, so I wont be choosing her.

Next up was Donna Beneviento. She was nice, although her doll 'Angie' is a little... how do I say this... creepy. It doesnt help that i have a huge fear of mannequins and dolls, so I dont think i'll be choosing her anytime soon.

And then theres Salvatore Moreau, dont get me wrong he's a great guy but.. he might accidentally drown me. I might be overreacting, but the guy smells. Although, I feel bad that he's treated so poorly by the other Lords, but i think it's for the best if i stay away from him.

And.. i guess my only option left is Lord Heisenberg. I just hope that he wont be that much of a hassle, even if he IS kind of an asshole...

A day before i start working at the factory, Mother Miranda forced us to spend the day together. To 'get to know eachother' I assume.

Lord Heisenberg looked pissed off, he wasn't really fond of me. He was more pissed off at Mother miranda though. Most likely because he was forced to spend time with me. I quickly learned what he called the 'basics of him'. Basically, common facts. Such as, the fact that he can bend metal and his deep hatred for Mother Miranda. that was basically all that he told me.

The following day was my first day at the factory. As we were walking along the factory, he stopped in his tracks. "Listen pup, there's rules." He practically growled. "First of all, Don't touch my shit. Second of all, don't go around the factory without me knowing. And third of all, Don't try to get to know me, we're keeping a proffessional relationship, got it?" He said.

"Uh.. y-yes Lord Heisenberg." I very nervously stammered, lightly blushing at the nickname he gave me.

"Good, now let's get to work."

Present day

That was around a year or two ago, and while i have gotten closer to the other lords, i never managed to get to get close to Lord Heisenberg. And..

I'm an idiot who fell for him... And... I know he'll never feel the same way. I've tried getting his attention, impressing him, but... nothing's working. Every time i try to get close to him, wether it's emotionally or physically. I get pushed away, literally and figuratively.

It's my fault really. I fell inlove with a man who was emotionally closed off. His charisma, his voice, everything about him just makes me fall more and more inlove with him.

I know i wont have a chance, hell, i dont even know if he's into guys... Guess i really am an idiot, huh?

Later that day, Lord Heisenberg asked me to help him with something. I agreed of course, and during that time I tried to know him more. "Jesus christ, are you trying to get me to open up or something? Cause' that's not gonna happen, so give it up." He spat out, "a-ah... sorry Lord Heisenberg.." I stammered out.

A few minutes of silence pass. Suddenly, he grabbed my hands. "I- ugh.. Just- you're doing it wrong. Here, let me help." He said, while holding my hands 'teaching me how to do it right'.

Of course my face started heating up, the feeling of his slightly roughed up hands on mine... it feels nice. Although this is probably the only time i'll ever get close to him.

"Hey pet, you ok? Geez, you're practically as red as a tomato." He said, while still holding my hands. "Uh.. y-yeah..! Uhm... i.. i'm good.." i stuttered, feeling his breath on top of my head. He was bigger and taller than me after all.

"Well, whatever you say, pup." He shrugged as he continued his work. I got a little flustered on the nickname, i never got used to that..

After, he went and ordered me to get supplies fron the duke.

As i was walking along the pathway to the duke, a few lycans were following me. They didnt seem to be attacking, so i just left them alone. However when i reached the duke, the lycans were gone. How strange.

"Well well well, if it isn't Heisenbergs pet! What brings you here, young man?" He says, with a shit eating grin. "Ah.. well, i'm just here for some supplies is al-" i was then cut off with a series of coughs, "Oh my, are you alright?" said the duke, genuinely concerned. "O-oh i'm fine i ju-" i was then cut off by another series of coughs, but just when i stopped, a small white flower petal came out of my mouth.

"Oh dear, i hope this isn't what i think it is... Are you sure you are alright?" Asked the duke. "I.. i dont know," i pause and look at the small flower petal in my hand. "do you know what's happening..?" I questioned him, very much confused. "It may be something called the 'Hanahaki disease'. It was said to just be an urban legend. Where, if you were suffering from unrequited love, you would begin to cough up flower petals." He explained. "I didnt think it was real.." he muttered to himself.

"..." i was silent as i stared in shock and horror, I'm.. coughing up flowers..? Like actual, real flowers...?

From.. unrequited love.... i should've known, i... i should've known that he would never feel the same way.

How could i be so stupid, to think he would fall for a mere mortal like me. Or atleast.. i think i'm mortal. "Well," the duke spoke up, "luckily there are two ways you can get rid of the sickness." My eyes lit up, "the person you like, either loves you back," he continued "or, you can get surgery. Not only will it remove the flowers, it also removes all of your feelings for this particullar person permanently."

"Th-that's great! I can finally get this 'hanahaki' disease while also getting rid of my feelings for him-!"

"Him?" The duke asked as he cut me off, "do you mean Lord Heisenberg?"

"Uh-" as i think about him, i start coughing again. This time, blood was spilling over. And so were many petals. "Oh dear.. so just the mere thought of him triggers it..?" He said, concerned. "Uh... i'll just... take the supplies. Thank you though, duke."

"No problem, stay safe. But remember, the longer you wait around with the flowers still inside you, the worse your state will become." He informs me,

"I'll try to get the surgery as fast as possible duke." I said, waving him goodbye.

As soon as i walked out, those same lycans followed me all the way back to the factory. Strange isn't it? Anyway, when you finally arrived at the factory, supplies in hand, I hear Lord Heisenberg open up the door.

"Here, let me help you with those." He says as he starts taking some of the bags.

"...Why are you being so nice all of a su-sudden?" I stammer as i try to hold in a cough. "Would you rather not have me nice, pup?" he growled. As i opened my mouth to speak, i was interrupted but a fit of coughs. Blood spilt out as did the petals. Heisenberg didn't seem to notice as he was already far ahead.

I try to cover it up as much as i can as i try to catch up with him. "Jeez.. Finally, you caught up-" he cut himself off. "Why is there blood on your face?" He said, slightly concerned. I froze. "Uh.." that was all i could say. "Whatever.." he said as he wiped the blood away from my face. A faint blush spread accross my cheeks.

I excused myself to the bathroom as i felt another fit of coughs. More blood splattered out as well as more petals. God it hurts. I heard a knock on the door. "Hey pet, you've been there a while, you sure you're alright?" He said

"Uh- yeah, i-i'm fine..!" I said, trying to hold in my coughs. "Well just make it quick, we have work to do." "Yes sir..!" I reply back quickly, not wanting to upset him. I quickly cleaned myself up and walked out of the bathroom. "Took you long enough." He sighed, annoyed. He went ahead and grabbed his hammer, dragging it along the metal floors. It was loud enough for him to not hear you cough up more petals.

~later that week~

My condition kept getting worse and worse, to the point i was barely able to breath. I've consulted the duke, however nothing seemed to work. No matter how much medicine, herbs or other medicinal items i jammed into my body, it just won't go away.

I was asked to come over Lady Dimitrescus castle, i'm not exactly sure why. Maybe she heard of this 'hanahaki' disease?

As i make my way to the castle, lycans started to follow me. Even more than before, why was this happening?

I finally arrive at the castle, the lycans seem to be watching me very carefully. I hear the doors open, and out came a tall lady. "Ah, Y/N! I'm glad you came! Come in." She said, holding the door open for me.

I walked in and was immediately tackled with a hug. "Uncle Y/N! You came!" Exclamed Daniela, one of Lady Dimitrescus daughters. "Oh, uh... hello Daniela." I say, hugging back. I never imagined them to warm up to me. "Now now Daniela, me and your Uncle Y/N have something to discuss."

"Aww man... well, i'll see you around Uncle Y/N!" She waved goodbye to me. "I'll see you around, Daniela." I say as i wave back. As soon as her footsteps were no longer in range, i spoke up. "So.. what did you want to talk about..?" I carefully asked the tall woman, not wanting to be sliced to bits. "Well, as i said before, the duke has informed me of something related to your wellbeing."

"So... you've heard about this.. 'hanahaki' disease, i assume...?" I say as i tense up even more. "The duke told me about it, and when i asked why he was informing me about this, he simply stated it had something to do with you. So tell me, do you have it?" She asked me with a concerned expression.

"W-well.. I-.." i say, sighing. "Yes, as far as i know." I reply, not wanting to lie to her. "As much as i dislike that wretched man, Heisenberg, i must ask, is he the object of your affection?" I froze. "Well... uh-" i cut myself off as i break into a fit of coughs growing more and more violent than the last. "Oh dear- MAIDS!" She called out, panicking, as blood and petals fall out of my mouth. She patted my back as i continue to cough. "So... it is Heisenberg.. I am terribly sorry Y/N i did not know this would happen.." she said, apologetically.

"I-it's alright-" i break into another fit of coughs. But instead of petals, this time, there were fully grown flowers. "i.. i can't b-breath.." i say almost blacking out. The last thing i see and hear are the maids, Lady Dimitrescu shouting to get the duke, and the door opening to reveal... Lord Heisenberg..? "Goddammit, out of my way-!" Was the last thing i heard before blacking out.

•

.....

I woke up to the duke. I sat upright, "what... happ-" i was then cut off by the duke. "You're awake! Honestly, i.. didnt know if you would wake up.." he said sadly. "Thankfully, i was able to patch you up just fine. And after days and hours of research, i finally found an alternative to your hanahaki!" The duke said, switching from a sad, to a cheerful mood.

My eyes light up, "W-wait, really!?" I said as a smile creeps up on my face. The duke gives me a small bottle, "Here, take this. Free of charge!" He said as he smiles brightly. "Now, you should drink it as soon as possible. Lord Heisenberg is waiting for you outside."

"I will, thank you duke!" I said as i waved him goodbye. As I walked to the gates, I take the small bottle and drink it. Within seconds, the flowers were gone. I could finally breath again!

Walking out with a small smile, I saw Lord Heisenberg. "Oh, hey-!.. uh.. i mean, hey. You're awake, lets... get back to the factory..." he stammered out.

Was it just me, or were there tears on his face..?

The walk to the factory was silent, but as we walk up to the factory gates, he stops dead in his tracks. "Before we go in, I just uh.. wanted to let you know that the duke let me know about how you really felt about me." He said. "And.. after a long time of thinking about it.." he cuts himself off as his cheeks turn red,

"...I like you too." He confesses.

But,

I don't feel any different.

I don't have butterflies in my stomach.

I don't even feel my face heating up.

It was like...

I was never inlove with him in the first place.

"I... I'm sorry, Lord Heisenberg... but.. I dont feel the same way anymore. I think... it was that small bottle the duke gave me, but.. I am sorry, i don't feel the same way." "W-wait.. you're.. you're joking, right...?" I watch as his expression goes from flustered to heartbreak. "..." i grow silent.

"Let's... let's get inside... we'll catch a cold if we don't." I say, opening the doors to the factory, not wanting the situation to get more awkward. "...Y... yeah... just, gimme a minute.." he says as his voice was slightly shaking. "Alright.. just... please be quick, you'll get a cold." I said, walking in and closing the door on him.

[Heisenbergs pov]

"I... I'm sorry, Lord Heisenberg... but.. I dont feel the same way anymore. I think... it was that small bottle the duke gave me, but.. I am sorry, i don't feel the same way."

"W-wait.. you're.. you're joking, right...?" I say with my voice slightly shaking. Dammit.. god... fucking...

DAMMIT...!

Just when i thought i finally found the love of my life, he's stripped away from me.

"..." he was silent.

I could feel the heartbreak slowly filling me up.

"Let's... let's get inside... we'll catch a cold if we don't."

"...Y... yeah... just, gimme a minute.." i stammer while i try not to break down infront of him.

"Alright.. just... please be quick, you'll get a cold." He says, as he walks in and shuts the door. Heh.. it's cute how he still worries about me when..

Nevermind.

I need some time to thi-

My thoughts were interrupted when i started to violently cough. What i didn't expect though...

Was a flower petal.

"..."

"Heh..."

"So this is what he felt." I said, as i look at the bloody flower petal in my hand.

#karl heisenberg x you #heisenberg x male reader #heisenberg x reader #angst #hanahaki #hanahaki disease #assistant

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bnhaficsforthesoul · 5 years

Note

A Bakugou fluff alphabet like the Shinsou one would be amazing!

Woo first ask 😊

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Bakugou likes a lot of things about you

But his favorites are

Your thighs

Your hands

And your smile

Your thighs, no matter how big, are soft and warm and he loves cuddling with them

Your hands feel soft in his huge, calloused ones, and he loves the way they feel against him

Your smile is so pretty, and the smile you give him makes his heart melt

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

Eventually, he would

Hes more focused on his career, becoming the number one hero is his main priority

But, once you both are situated and have the money and are more able to make your own schedules

Ya, hed love to have a couple little ones with you

Hed want 2, maybe 3

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Hes such a stubborn brat

Hell act like he doesn't want cuddles but he a d o r e s them

Hell kinda just pull you into him or just flop onto your chest and hug you tightly

His hands are all over you, and he just wants to be as close to you as possible

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Hes all about having fun

So your dates are things like amusement parks

Pranking your friends

Things like that

He wants to have fun with his baby so he makes sure that dates focus on that

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

You are his happiness

He has friends, sure, but no one had ever made him as happy as you have

As someone who is prone to anger, having someone who makes him unbelievably happy is extremely important

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

He figured out he loved you one night when you were cuddling

You had been dating for a few months, and you were sleeping in his room since you had been there all day and didn't feel like going back to your room

But he couldn't sleep

As you clutched his shirt in your fist, hugging him tightly, he stared at you

You were so beautiful, even asleep, and his mind wandered to how amazing you were to him

So, he ended up staying up all night thinking about how much he loved you

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

It depends on the situation

Or more like, he has 2 modes for every situation

He has his more rough front, that he uses mainly when you're in public or hes just in that mood

And then he has his soft mood, where he gently hugs you and presses little pecks to your forehead

He doesn't like feeling vulnerable, and acting soft makes him feel so, but over time he gets more used to it around you

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Just plain lacing his fingers through yours

Hell either just grab your hand and hold it without saying anything, acting like it's no big deal

Or hell kinda shyly sneak his fingers into yours, blushing a bit

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

His first impression of you was the same as he viewed everyone else

You were just another damn extra

He warmed up a bit faster to you, as with the beginning tests and stuff he got to see how strong you were

So basically it was just 'I'm better than you, but you're not the worst.'

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Yes

So much

He hates when other people flirt with you, you're his - they should know that

And he doesn't appreciate when you give too much attention to others

Honestly, hes a bit insecure about how you feel about him, knowing most people can get really annoyed by his attitude, so he hates the idea of anyone giving you the possibility of leaving him

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

So again, 2 modes

Hes either kissing you super soft, gripping your face or your waist and kissing you slow and deeply

Or theres his fast, rough kisses where he pushes you against a wall and let's his hands roam your body as he bites your lip and shoves his tongue in your mouth

So he initiated the first kiss - you had been dating for like 2 days and he wanted to kiss you, so he did

It was in between the two, since he still didn't really wanna be soft with you but he didn't wanna scare you or something by going all out

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

He does

It's out of nowhere, like you're just doing homework or something and hes just like

"I love you "

He probably didn't mean to actually say it, but he did, and you said it back!

So all was good

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

When he asked you out

He had been crushing on you for so long, and was getting so fed up about not knowing your feelings

He honestly assumed you didn't like him

But when he asked you out and you got the biggest smile on your face and said ya, it made him so happy!

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Rarely

He doesn't really think about what kinds of material things you'll like

And he hates shopping, so he barely ever goes with you

He gets you gifts here and there ofc, but he doesn't spoil you unless he feels there is a reason to

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

Green, like an emerald

Why?

Because you compliment him when he wears it, and he thinks you look good in it

It kinda becomes your guy's color

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

He uses a lot of pet names actually

A lot of cute ones too

When around others he may stick to brat, babe, or baby

But when you're alone

"Sweetie, can you help me with this?"

"Hey cutie, how was training?"

"Y/n, love, stop fucking whining and give me a hug"

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

Likes watching old movies with you

Like really old cliche action movies

Hes the type to comment during movies, and old movies, while amazing, are fun to make fun of

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Cook

Its something that will keep him warm, and it's fun to do

If you dont know how to cook he takes this chance to teach you

Or if you do then he likes to simply cook stuff with you

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Doesn't really know how to cheer himself up

Tries to distract himself, and that usually involves you helping him do so

When you're upset, he really doesn't know what to do

Hell let you talk to him, and hell give you hugs when you want

But one thing this boy is good at is hyping you up, so if you're insecure about something, he will ramble for days about how amazing you are

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

The future is a big one

He likes talking about what life might be like once you're pro heroes

Where will you live?

How famous will you get?

Stuff like that

Also likes talking about your guys friends, it's fun to him

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Training

If hes stressed, hes dragging you out to the field so you can train

Besides, he likes training with you anyways so that you can become the strongest power duo

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

On himself, he shows off a lot

Sometimes it's his muscles

Or his quirk

Or his brain

But with you, hell hype you up on these things too

"Y/ns stronger than all you extras!"

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

Proposes after you graduate

He doesn't want to wait, he knows he loves you and wants to marry you, so he proposes as soon as possible

Besides, you wont have much time for all the wedding preparations or honeymoon if he waits longer

He cooks your favorite food, and he proposes at home

Its really cute and personal, and you couldnt be happier

X = XX (What's something only you know)

You're the only one that knows how scared he is for the future

How he doesn't actually think hes good enough

He knows hes strong and all that, but he doesn't think he has all the makings of a number one hero

And that's the goal hes followed since he was little - he wouldn't know what to do if it failed

He only confides In you about this, the only thing reassuring him is your comforting words - the words of someone he is sure will make a wonderful hero someday

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Again, yes

He loves you so much

So why wouldn't he want to spend the rest of his life with you

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Probably a snake

He loves snakes, so it would be awesome for you two to get one, or 5

#bakugou x reader #boku no hero academia #bnha #my hero academia #mha #bakugou katsuki #bakugou fluff #bakugou imagine #bakugou headcanons #bakugou fluff alphabet

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slimeyslimeyballsack · 4 years

Text

If You Only Knew, You'd Hate Me Chapter Three

Pairing: Bucky Buchanan x OMC (Zebediah Kaskitt)

Summary: Bucky and Zebediah had a fleeting interaction years ago and Zeb has been hung up on the boy ever since. Even with his arrogant and dismissive exterior, Zeb still tries to make a connection.

Warnings: swearing, shitty parents, as per usual, bucky gets pumbled, it's bad, I guess I just hate my main characters, but wait, theres fluff, yep, hurt comfort baby

Tags: @lykenbcrn @btrmuffins @diagnosed-crazy

As always ask if you'd like to be tagged

Part One Part Two

When Bucky stepped into the kitchen his mother was in her usual place at the island. What worried him was that his father was behind her chair. Bucky knew well enough to take his seat across from his mother. His father eyed him the entire time, a look of disdain on his face that was reserved specifically for Bucky. Bucky's father was better than him in every way. Taller, stronger, more handsome, smarter, and infinitely more talented. A silence hung in between the three, the kind that pulled tighter the longer you held it until you reached a point where it would be painful no matter how it was broken.

"I can't believe you. Right now, I honestly could care less if you were found dead in a ditch. In fact, that might be an improvement to our current situation."

A glob of spit landed on Bucky's face. He didn't dare wipe it off. He felt the telltale sting of his father's slap across his face, then again on the other side of his face. His father's rings digging into his cheek and brow bone. He knew there would be blood. There was always blood when his father punished him. Especially now. Last night's fresh wounds would easily be reopened.

"Stand."

Bucky did as he was told, moving far enough away from the chair to give his father room enough to be able to circle him comfortably if he wished to. Bucky would be cleaning the floors later. They were lucky the tile was brown. A white tile would be much more difficult to clean.

"You were with that fucking zombie again."

His father accentuated each word with a blow to Bucky's face.

"They are disgusting."

A fist.

"You are disgusting."

A knee.

His father's rings stamped images onto his body. They would resurface later in the form of bruises. He grabbed Bucky's wrists, nails piercing the skin.

"I thought you learned your lesson after yesterday boy."

He threw Bucky on the ground collecting the skin of his wrists under his fingernails. He slammed his foot into Bucky's back as a preventative to stop him from getting up.

"Don't lie to me boy. If you tell me you learned your lesson I don't want to see it again."

A series of kicks fell onto his back and sides. The beating couldn't have lasted more than a couple minutes, but it felt like hours. It felt like it would never end. His mother didn't participate. She merely watched, sipping her martini and occasionally checking her watch, as if this was just a slight inconvenience to her. In all likeliness it probably was.

"Stand."

Bucky again did as he was told. Any other time he would've submitted. But he didn't want to not see this zombie anymore. He wanted that kindness. He needed that kindness.

"May I speak, sir?"

His mother and father exchanged glances before he gave a curt nod.

"I wish to explain the reason I am associating with the monster."

His mother's eyebrows raised, eyes widening.

"You mean you did not wish to create a friendship with it?"

"No ma'am. Of course not. I just have him do tasks for me. He's like a servant. That's all I'm using him for. He is a filthy zombie. I would never want to be around him otherwise. I promise."

His mother looked to her husband. Being the reasonable one out of the two he had hoped that she took to what he said. She could convince his father of anything.

"You know, dear. That isn't a terrible idea. That's very resourceful of you son."

His father laughed. A rare sound coming from him. It was deep and loud. It wasn't happy. It induced no joy, hearing it. Quite the opposite. The rumble instilled a deeper fear into Bucky.

"Why didn't you say that before we taught you your lesson, boy? Now clean up and do whatever it is you do. God knows you're never home. Just be quiet; we're going to bed."

"Yes sir."

His mother and father left the room. Bucky was able to let out his breath. The first thing he did was clean the blood away from his eyes as best as he could. He made quick work with the mop, disposing of the end and replacing it once he had cleaned the pools on the floor.

The sounds of the night filled the air. Homemade windchimes hung outside. They didn't sound good or look particularly impressive, but they were an important part of zombie culture. Art deco in general was a huge aspect of zombie culture. They turned trash into something creative and beautiful. It decorated their houses and their lawns. It was a thing of pride. The windchimes currently jingled unceremoniously. Crickets sang their songs, exchanging melodies with the frogs and the cicadas. Although there technically wasn't a curfew the Z Patrol would still chastise zombies for being out at night so Zombietown was always quiet after sundown.

Of course, on such a beautiful night it would have to be disrupted. The sound of something hitting the chair that served as a window cover rang out. Zeb turned over, covering his head with his pillow. The metal tang continued.

"What the hell." He mumbled.

He threw his blankets off and shuffled to the window, pulling the chair off its nail. In the dirt, down by his stoop stood Zebina. She beckoned him to come down. Zebina never went out after dark. She didn't even go to mashes. Zeb didn't even think she stayed up past ten o'clock. He swung his legs over the railing and hopped into the ground.

"Bina, what are you doing here?"

"The wolves, they're having a campfire. They invited us."

Zeb wrinkled his eyebrows. Zebina, most likely sensing his confusion continued.

"We hung out while you were at your cheer stuff. So are you coming or not?"

"I- yeah."

They hurried to the outside of town where they were met by a wolf named Wynter. The two seemed close, sharing inside jokes as they made their way to and through the forbidden forest. As they approached you could hear howls and laughter. A large fire raged in the center of several wolves. Zebediah didn't love fire. He wasn't scared like some zombies, but he tended to stay away from it. Zebina, on the other hand, was fascinated; she loved fire. She went immediately toward it, greeting other wolves. She was uncharacteristically social. Zebina didn't have a lot of friends; she and Zebediah had been friends since elementary and had just stayed close. She didn't have time to make friends; she had to study. Yet, she already seemed close to them.

Now alone, Zebediah looked around, spotting a semi-secluded spot away from the fire to sit. He decided he'd wake up a little bit before joining the group. Before he got the chance, a wolf came over to him. He remembered her name was Willa. She was kind of scary, but Zeb smiled at her anyway.

"Diah right?"

"Zebediah, yeah."

Zeb moved over to allow her to sit.

"Bina talks about you a lot."

"Oh God, what does she say?"

"Bucky? That asshole?"

Zeb sighed. "Zebina doesn't understand why I like Bucky so much."

"Neither do I."

Willa raised an eyebrow. She looked bewildered. People usually were. He got side eyes whenever he called to Bucky. Zeb shifted into a more comfortable position. This would be a long conversation; he could tell.

"She doesn't pay attention. Nobody does really. I don't blame them. We're all so caught up in our own lives; we don't take the time to look at what's happening with people. Nobody looks behind the brash exterior. He's either a monster or he's a cheer god."

Willa's face wrinkled into something between anger and confusion.

"He is a monster though."

"No. He's not. He's not a cheer god either. He's just a person. A person with thoughts and feelings. A person who makes choices based on things that have happened to him."

"Don't you ever just feel like all your kindness is wasted?"

"Sometimes, yeah, but everyone deserves kindness."

Willa didn't seem happy with his answer at all.

"But he treats everyone, including you, like crap."

She stood, throwing her arms in the air and pacing.

"Kind of, but also kind of not. It's an act. Next time your around, pay closer attention to his facial expressions, to how he words his sentences. Just look closer, I implore you."

Willa stopped to look at him and chuckled.

"You're so nice. Forgiving. You're just like Wyatt." She shook her head, then looked back up at him. "I don't like Bucky, but your decisions are your own. I think whatever this is will go down in flames. I do wish you the best though, you seem like a good kid."

"I'm older than you." Zeb jested.

"I'm wiser."

"Are you though?"

Two shared a grin before Zeb thanked her.

"I am quite tired and I certainly wasn't expecting this conversation tonight, so I think I'm gonna head out."

"Do you need walked back?"

Zeb shook his head before walking over to Bina, informing her of his departure. She managed a 'later loser' before resuming her conversation. The wind was comfortable compared to the humid heat the season brought. Instead of going home, he decided to head into Seabrook.

Willa wasn't wrong. Before this week, Zeb had only his speculations to go on that Bucky wasn't as bad as he seemed. It was childish of him to hope for something more with him. But he stood by his decision that everyone deserved kindness. Especially the people who didn't get it.

He wandered for a couple minutes before he saw a familiar form. It was Bucky. He looked awful. Something was wrong.

He supposed adrenaline was the only thing keeping him from passing out. He staggered through the streets. The streetlights blurring together into streaks of light. The houses and trees blurring into paint strokes. He didn't know why he didn't dress his wounds before he left. He needed to get out of the house.

Bucky ran into a solid object. Zebediah.

"We have to stop meeting like this."

Bucky needed to tell him about him helping him.

"I need to talk to you."

Zebediah looked him up and down. There was worry in his eyes, the same kind that Addison gives him.

"You need to get fixed up. Come on, we have stuff at my house."

He started to walk away.

"No, I'm fine I-"

"Bup bup bup. We are going to fix you up and then you can say whatever you needed to say."

Zebediah softly grabbed his fingers, urging him to follow him. He complied.

He didn't know why he was surprised when they walked through the gate. This was where all zombies lived. Zebediah would be no different. He had been here several times before, never really looking at the scenery, just thinking about how to impress his father. It was all trash. All of it. The house they walked in was barely put together. It was such a contrast to what he was used to. Even inside of Zebediah's room it wasn't much better. Everything in it looked as if it had been taken out of the trash. His nose wrinkled when he realized most of it probably was.

He didn't complain that the bed was uncomfortable, although it definitely was. Zebediah stood in between his legs. He had rags, tape, cotton sheets, a bowl, and a bottle of alcohol.

"It's the best I can do. We don't have any antiseptic, so I'm so sorry. This is going to hurt a lot. Tell me if you need me to stop."

Zebediah cradled the back of his head, wiping the blood from his face. He was soft. The rag dusting over his skin. His eyes fluttered closed and he was calm. Nothing could happen to him.

"Grab my arm if you need to."

Bucky didn't need to grab his arm. He wasn't a baby. Then the sting came and Bucky's eyes snapped open. He squeezed Zebediah's forearm. Hard. Zebediah looked into his eyes to make sure he was okay to continue, then covered the cuts that were still bleeding.

"I need you to take your shirt off."

Bucky started to, but he struggled. He couldn't get his arms over his head. Zebediah reached to help him, grabbing the hem of the collar.

"I can do it myself."

He didn't mean to snap. He just- He didn't need anybody's help. Zebediah removed his hands. Bucky messed with it for a couple of minutes before getting it off. Zebediah began to wipe the blood off of his abdomen. He kneeled in front of him, one hand on Bucky's lap. As he assumed, there were bruises everywhere. Little stamps imitating his father's rings. It stung again. Bucky grabbed his arm. He was certain he was hurting him. Still, he didn't complain. He simply circled to his back.

"There's nothing on your legs, is there?"

Bucky shook his head. The air was freezing when Zebediah took his hand away. He handed Bucky his shirt and left to put everything away. He did feel better, not great, obviously, but better. He wasn't covered in blood. That was good.

Bucky's eyes looked to the doorway as Zebediah entered. He sat on his bed and Bucky turned so they were facing the same way.

"Who did this to you?"

Bucky didn't answer. He knew the question would come up. He wanted to answer, but he knew what would happen if his parents ever got wind of it. To be fair he'd be dead meat if his parents knew where he was right now. Before he could decide Zebediah spoke up again.

"Were you in a fight?"

Bucky shook his head.

"Was it- Was it your parents?"

Bucky didn't say anything. He didn't nod or shake his head. He just stared at his toes, hands fiddling in his lap. It was a while before Bucky built up the courage to say anything at all.

"Please, don't tell anyone."

"But we need to help you. I can't just sit and do nothing."

"Just, please."

Zebediah's face worked, but he nodded. Neither of them spoke for some time. Bucky thought about what he said earlier, and the building curiosity forced him to ask.

"Earlier, you said we have to stop meeting like this. What did you mean? How do I know you?"

Zebediah chuckled, although Bucky couldn't think of what could be funny in this situation. Was it obvious? Was he forgetting some huge event?

"A couple years ago I was out past curfew. I heard somebody knock over a trashcan."

Bucky remembered the night he was talking about, not necessarily what he had done wrong, but certainly the punishment. Thinking back on it, Bucky should have known that the boy was a zombie. He hadn't gotten a good look at his face but he had been staring at his hands. Which were gray. And his clothes, no Seabrook citizen would go out dressed like that, even at night. Even then, he still thought about that encounter every now and then. He remembered his voice. It had lowered since then but it still had that same quality. This beautiful melodic tone that sucked you in, made you listen. How in the hell had he not recognized it?

"It's getting kind of late."

Bucky stilled at the thought of going home.

"You could stay if you like."

He let himself sink back into the bed, nodding his head gratefully.

"I don't have extra blankets or anything, but you can take the bed."

Zebediah went to leave the room and Bucky panicked. He couldn't be in here alone.

"Wait," Zebediah turned to look at him. "Could you sit by me?"

His eyes widened. Bucky shied away from his gaze, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. It was his turn to be surprised when he felt the bed dip. Zebediah sat at the head of the bed, leaning against the wall. Bucky hesitantly moved to sit next to him. They sat silently for a while before Zebediah started talking.

"You know, you're gonna be great someday. Not that you're not great now. You're gonna get out of Seabrook. Find a big house, probably like four bedrooms with a pool in the backyard. You'll get a membership to the gym down the street."

It was soothing. So soothing that Bucky couldn't help but let his eyes close and his mind shut off.

Zebediah was in the middle of his story when Bucky fell on his lap. He pet his hair. This is why he did it, why he was so ceaselessly nice. Because you never knew what someone was hiding. Aware that his position was not the best for his back he tried to shift Bucky as best as he could into a lying position. He was going to sleep on the couch, but Bucky grabbed his arm. Zeb could've pulled away if he wanted, but he didn't want to hurt Bucky in any way. He laid on the bed, careful not to bump him. He was hyper-aware of every single move he made. He didn't want to do anything that could further injure him or make him uncomfortable.

Zeb had settled into a half-sleep when he felt an arm wrap around him. He startled awake before remembering Bucky was here. This was a dream come true. Zeb managed to settle back into a comfortable dream state.

Part Four

#disney zombies #z o m b i e s #disney channel original movie #disneys zombies #disney #z-o-m-b-i-e-s #bucky buchanan #bucky zombies #if you only knew you'd hate me #buckediah #chapter three #tw: swearing #tw: abuse #tw: violence

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madtiitan · 6 years

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Okay so the news wasss.... go read under. its long.

Let me take you back years ago. Because this is just how long we’ve been trying and the possibility was 1/million chances for me. Not to mention, my stress, anxiety & depression always got in the way. To where it was nearly impossible for me to carry my own.

I hated the idea of having a kid. Not because ew babies but because i couldn’t have one. My doctors had told me several times that the medicines that i was taking will harm my fertility. But honestly i needed it. When i was a young age, i got sick every weekend. I had a tremendous amount of shots because of infections. And so more, where birth control wasn’t even going to help during my teenage or young adult years. because the possibility was never going to be there. Don’t get me wrong, i did protect myself none the less.

But at the same time, it kind of mad me mad at the fact of children. And seeing ppl have families. So i grew this wall for the past 10+yrs that i will only have bunnies, dogs, cats, etc of all types of animals. Because i needed to fill my void . I needed to tell everyone that i would be a great aunt but never a mother.

And i held that in for many many years and it took a toll on me. It wasn’t until i met my fiancee who turned things around. Who helped me through. Who told me i need to talk to someone that it wasn’t healthy to beat myself up about it. To actually do this to myself and mentally abuse myself. And i understood why. But i didn’t know how to stop.

But that was just the beginning.

Once ‘ my leaf flipped’ , we decided to try and nothing was happening. Nothing like it was scaring me to reality back. And i wanted one and i cried mostly every time i saw the test say negative. Or when i went to the doctor for my first miscarriage that my body could not support. My body was FAILING ME. and i never hated my body more than that day. I never hated something so much to where i stopped eating, i stopped caring. I just wanted to let it die practically . I wanted to die more than ever because i couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do what i wanted my body to naturally do. And i understand im not the only one. but when you are in that mind space, you are the only one. you are the one thinking wow. MY body can’t do this.

Then a miracle happened when i finally told my sister and she told me her problems too. Thats when everything changed and i started trying to find myself, love myself. And just accept my body and learn about it. Captain ( my fiancee) was a huge support because he checked to make sure i was up or ate at work. My sister would come by sometimes to drop food off while i had my breaks. I didn’t eat much but i tried. I tried my best and little by little i got better. Though during this time when i was trying, i couldn’t tell my parents. I didn’t want to tell them. It was something that i just couldn’t break out saying without crying for hours and just growing tired. so i kept it within close range of my sister and fiancee. but after . .

It didn’t work out 100% but it did better than nothing. I knew it wasn’t going to happen overnight. Or a month, maybe a year. It wasn’t until last fall we decided to try again since we were looking for a house. Though stress came back but i wasn’t too sure it was because of the house this time. It was me again, once we finally started moving in. i got really sick, which usually happens because its how my body deals w/ it. Then it was different as the days passed by.

It wasn’t until we finally moved in when i took a pregnancy test. It was positive.

I was nervous, excited and all kinds of moods. Because i wasn’t sure how well this one will go. I didn’t want to get attached. I didn’t want to be too excited and let down again. I didn’t want to get hurt again. I was so fuckin scared. My fiancee was excited beyond the moon and here i was mentally preparing myself for the worst when it was all too soon. so i stopped and smiled. I smiled because i needed to have some type of hope.

So i waited a little longer to go to the doctor but researched on a lot of information. I managed to eat, sleep, walk around and do everything that i could to keep going unlike anything was changed. to let it affect my mind. And yes like i said, may 15th was a special day for me because something felt different. And its true, we went and i don’t think i cried so happily to know we were on a good route. Im still nervous, im still scared but im hopeful. Im hoping for a good next visit.

im pregnant, im stable. The baby is healthy and im going to do anything in my power now to protect my body. I know im young. Im not even 30 but my chances would be worse later on, maybe not. But i rather not risk it. I know this is something that may not be like... this isn’t important to some. Some may be to young or just not even like the idea of children for different reasons. But this is my story. And im happy i didn’t give up on myself.

Um, as of now. All i want to do is rp. Have fun and eat, so stay with me as i do more crack on thanos. Im sorry if this was very mixed but theres a lot more to it but i don’t want to elaborate so much. If i loose followers, whatever. If i gain, join the club.

I love you all who read and thank you, honestly from the bottom of my heart. <3 thank you

#long post tw #depression tw #anxiety tw #cw #trigger warning #pregnancy tw #:ll ooc ll: the one behind the grape speaks

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callingitaday · 7 years

Text

Terrors

Bucky x Reader WC:1869 Breathe by Fleurie

I remember being the new person here, not that it was horrible but it was awkward. No one knows how to act. They don't know or trust you but you feel the same. Both don't know what could set another off, how to speak without a soft voice afraid of what could come next. It just a huge fucked up guessing game. The worst part is the new comer doesn't want to be treated like they could break any moment, but no matter what you say it still happens for a while. It's no one's fault.

You were here for a good 6 months before everything settled and everyone was normal. Laughing, teasing and just having a good time in general. No more tiptoeing around our own home. Over this time you and Steve have grown close, he is the big brother you'd never had. He was always there for you when you needed someone to talk to no matter the time or place. He was also so kind and gentle to you, making sure you had what you needed and everything in between. On nights the terrors would come they would eventually lead me to wake up in a cold sweat and tears or Steve waking me up reassuring everything was okay. You were forever in his debt. But things changed when Bucky showed up, Steve's oldest friend from the war . From before being a popsicle. He was stressed about Bucky, if we would except him and not treat him like the monster HYDRA created but lost.

Not that your upset about anything because Bucky needed him more than I do but it's still hard knowing when I have my terrors- I have them alone now. You were the next room over from Barns and he has some really bad ones and Steve helps him through it and he deserves nothing less. You now sit in the dark kitchen with cups of water to calm you. Now and then he would come scuffing into the kitchen for water. Like water was some magic healing shit for them. He was looking at you for a split second before continuing then leave.

Everyone pretty much kept to themselves trying to avoid him altogether . Especially Tony, he was just a ass to him and Steve. Saying that he still is the Winter Solider deep down and one day he might return and not be in our favor and all in all just wouldn't expect him even though he's tried to gain his trust. You understood how he felt in your own way and didn't tiptoe around him, you hated it and theres no doubt he feels even worst.

I know I enjoyed when someone patted me on the back or gave me a hug, I hadn't had in such a long time I almost forgot what it felt like. So when I get the chance ,walking past him I would drag my hand across his back, pat his shoulder and shoot smiles every time he looked at me.

You may have falling a little bit for this super soldier. But like every day you just keep to yourself.

Tonight's agenda was no different than usual, waking up in cold sweat and tears. Before heading to the kitchen you decided to jump in the shower and rinse of the memories of the night and craved your magic drink. Sitting there in the dark humming some tone you listen early that you have stuck in your head. It was when you refill for the 3rd time that you finally hear him. Its only feet padding the floor but you know its him. He enters with a quick glance. Just watching his back as he fills up his cup, you can see his how tight his muscles are even through his shirt, he's so stiff it looks painful.

" hey, buck?" you said just above a whisper. It was so quite in the house if you spoke any louder you might even scare yourself. Barns turned around and leaned against the sink, squinting at you before taking a drink. you shrugged your shoulders "care to join me this time?" without an answer he just steps over and takes a seat next to you. He set his water down and hung his head low letting out a deep sigh.

" I have them too you know" he looked up at you " the night terrors, Steve use to help me with them " you gave him a smile . " I know you'd probably rather talk to Steve but I'm here, for you, if you want to talk.... well since I get them too I understand. I mean I don't understand yours but like I get the feelings and what makes me feel better, maybe they could help you?"

Bucky was just looking at you, really intrigued with your words. He was studying your face to the point he had not heard anything after this point. He was looking at your lips, the way they moves when you spoke. The way your eyes widened, squinted and wondered around like you couldn't decided what you could look at. You were memorizing.

"... I'm sorry I just, I just thought I'd let you know I have them and I'm here for you" you finally finished your rant, all the while . Looking at Bucky but he wasn't quite with you.

"Thanks, doll" he spoke making you smile which he reflects.

You guys stayed there for a while longer until you felt sleepy but instead of leaving you took a chance and laid your head on Bucky's shoulder feeling him tense at the touch, lifting your head back up "no stay" he whispered but you got up and set your cup in the sink. Turning around you held out your hand "okay, come?" he looked bewildered at the motion but took your hand anyways, grabbing your hand, following you in a trance.

Making it to your bedroom was quite and slow, opening the door stepping in and aside for Buck to enter before closing it. " Steve would always lay with me until I fell asleep, the present of a person always helps me, an anchor to the real world so to say" you stated while crawling into bed. He looked scared and very unsure about what was happening . " it's okay Bucky, let me be your anchor tonight" you pulled the covers back and with a sigh he crawled in. Bucky laid on his back and I laid on my side, carefully I placed my arm across his stomach. I could feel his stomach clench but I dare not move.

The sunlight was peeking through your blinds right in your face making you grown in annoyance. A chill ran through the room making you pull the covers up. Just laying in the silence for a few minutes until you realize it's to quite. Twisting just enough to look behind you, sadden to see no one's there. Grabbing your phone you realize it late in the morning with it being almost 10, decided to get up and get ready. Throwing on some makeup so we don't look so dead and some Nike legging with white strip up the side, a light sweater paired with running shoes. Satisfied you head downstairs for breakfast and coffee.

"morning sweets" Steve shot over his shoulder which you responded with a' morning' and hug from behind " Have any plans today Cap?" grabbing the eggs and bacon.

" Well I may take Buck out on the town and if I remember right before Wanda left she said she wanted a move night with everyone later" Steve responded as he turned around and asked you the same

" I might actually go out to, I could use some new jeans and some other things but a movie night sounds fun!" you responded while watching your eggs

" Well see you later Y/N" Steve began to rush out "HEY! get back here"

"Yes?"

" What's going on with you" " Nothing. Nothing why"

"you never just quit conversation and rush out. And your being awkward " you snorted

" nothing really, I swear everything good"

"Fine be that way. But before you run away where's Barns" making him cough "umm, I don't know, gym" he shot back.

Sighing in confusion you finish up your breakfast. Quickly washing your plate off you realize your still feeling a bit hungry you decided to make a beagle

On your way down to the gym while snacking on the beagle, stopping at the wall of photos almost like studying them. It was all of our group photos of exploring, some singles of like Steve n Bucky, Natasha n Bruce and one lucky one of you n Bucky. Until now you hadn't realized the way he was looking at you. Like I dare say loves you more than anything else. Makes you wonder doesn't it?

Your feet finally started to drag you to the destination but they planted like stones just outside the door, completely frozen as you hear Steve tell who I assume is Barns that he should just give in, take a chance, he deserves some good in his life and " She's good for you Buck, I see the way she's been looking at you lately. Like a light bulb lit up and reality hit her" you peek through the door.

"But Steve what if it's not what you think? I'm really liking the idea of her being mine but I'm scared" Bucky practically cried out.

"Everything will work out okay? have some faith, and really the only way to find out is to talk to her" Steve finished before patting his shoulder and headed to the door.

"shit shit shit " you murmured running around the corner and peeked around the edge until the cost was clear. Slowly and as casually as possible walking into the room, towards him who had started on the punching bag.

"Hey Buck?" you said just loud enough, but he still jolts, his actions stopping and grabbing the bag.

"H-hey" he breathed

" I just wanted to check on you, did last night help?" you smiles a little

"Um ya actually, I slept well. Thank you, it means a lot"

"Okay ya good I'm glad, before i leave are you planning on attending Wanda's movie night?

" are you?" you nodded a yes " than ya I'll show my face " causing you to smile, nodding your head and turned to leave. This time not only did your feet stop you but your whole body . Slowly spinning on your heals you look back , he's still looking at you.

You walked up, pausing to look at his face, he's scrunching his eyebrows together but continuing , engulfing him in a huge hug. Bucky was beyond shocked but quickly hugged back. It was the best feeling he's had run through his vein's in such a long time. He squeezed you harder now becoming addicted to the rush before kissing your head, then you pulled away.

"what was that for" he questions "because" is all you answer with, " see you tonight James!" you kissed his check and ran out to go get ready

"Maybe everything will work out " Bucky muttered before starting back up.

Tag list : @dugupbeauty @leslie2898 @sophiealiice @xpixelle

Part 2??

#Bucky Barnes #winter solider imagine #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #marvel imagine #marvel #Sebastian Stan #james bucky barnes #captain america #Chris Evans

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angeljonghyun · 6 years

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So i guess here goes my longer ramble about my feelings and thoughts. No need to read it. Feel free to ignore it. The only way for me to feel relief is to post it online in some way and although i know tumblr is such a toxic site its the only space that feels right for it. its probably full of typos and doesnt make any sense, but hey who cares.

So yeah

Lately a lot of things happened, things which im thankful for and things that help me heal, but theyre not big of a help since my emotions are so strong. As some might know im currently in a clinic for relaxation 5 days a week from 10 am-2:30 pm and its pretty tough. Being around people again, experiencing painful moments during acupuncture (they find good spots that make me cry, not even really bc theyre hurting but they just make me feel all my inner pain all at once), feeling uncomfortable around certain people there and not loving all therapists bc theyre way too harsh with their words.

The past weeks have been intense and exhausting.. and since its all about relaxing i had much time to think. I had lots of time to think about jjong. Sadly it never felt like i have space, strength and time to heal properly.

I feel lots of pain,my heart feels so heavy, im bitter and im weak? Im forcing my emotions to stay calm, i hate crying in the clinic, i cant open up properly and just dont want to cry there all the time although i know i should but i just cant.

Jjong is on my mind 24/7 like literally 24/7 hes always there, always was and idk how much longer he will be but i want him to leave. My memories and the emptiness which i feel is too much, its draining me its hurting so freaking much that i cant even put it in words and the bad thing is that no one really understands.

People may know that im sad in a way but i dont think anyone understands my pain completely, obviously not, no one ever knows how one truly feels, but its a devastating feeling. Its a feeling that makes me feel quite lost and lonely, because the only person i always believed would understand my pain was him. He was my safe haven, he was the one who would be there and never judge and just understand.

Its a really sick part of my mind which has still control over this part of my emotions, i cant trust anyone, i always.. ALWAYS feel judged and i always feel like a burden and i never want to talk about my struggles because it only causes so much more chaos or eventually i never feel like the person tries and feel all lonely and unimportant again.

Jjong he was just there.. you know ?

Just his existence caused some kind of comfort for my soul, a place to rest and feel nothing but good things for a bit although even he was hurting me too, but i accepted it bc he was far away and it was ok. He was so far away always and that gave me the chance to create the 'perfect' comfort zone. I didnt know him, he was never here.. i will just pick out parts i need and use them to stay alive.

Its not something good, but i feel like everyone does this stuff with their bias. Some more than others. I did it too much and that shows how weak and hurt my soul is. Instead of working on my problems properly i just fled into the comfort of jjongs existence, one that was so very similar to my mothers, my mother who i have lost in november 2014. winter... buried in december. Winter. The season where I lost the most important person in my life not only once, but twice now.

Jjong was like a mother to me. I cant describe my feelings for him in another way. He protected me from so much evil within myself while i wanted to protect him too at all costs and it feels HORRIBLE to have failed yet another time. It hurts so fucking much that i lost him too. He who was the biggest reason for me not to kill myself after my mom died. He who was the reason why i started eating again after developing an eating disorder. He who caused so much good in my life. He who in some way managed to manipulate me in the best possible way.

In the end it was all me, i know that, but its still the bond i had to jjong. A sick and sad one and the worst part is that i felt ready to let go slowly at the end of last year. I started realizing that i coudlnt be thinking about him all the time anymore. I want to start going to school again after 4 years of nothing but therapy. I would HAVE to let go and create a more healthy relationship. I was so ready. And then he took his own life..

He stole the opportunity from me to change. He left me here. He left me and all my problems still attached to him behind. Hes not here anymore and although i never saw him or heard or felt him in real life it makes such a huge difference to me and at the same time it doesnt. That is one of the most confusing and depressing feelings ive ever felt.

I wanted to see him in 2018.. i had many chances to see him but never one to go with me. I finally had someone to go with... and now im here.. with that opportunity gone. My biggest wish my biggest dream, the ONE thing that kept me alive for so long. Gone... all ive ever wanted was to see him live. And now.. yeah.

Those are all selfish reasons. I know that. If you even read this then no its not all i feel, but of course my feelings towards him are most important to me, its the only feelings i can work on and the only ones i truly feel. My healthy grief is there too. A distanced version of what i personally feel and no other could. But thats not truly what this post is about. Please dont judge.

So now im here and i dont know what to do.

Death has been the worst and most intense trigger in my life forever. I started being so afraid of death as a child that i could not sleep anymore bc i thought i would die. It was a horrible time, therapy followed, fear left for a few years and came back as strong as ever. Its here too now. My fear. Another reason why i am alive now, yet its not strong enough to truly shut my self destructive thoughts up. Ive noticed that around the time of jjongs burial. I was ... so ready to leave. I still feel sympathy and empathy for myself there. Bc my pain is so big. Its truly so immense but no one truly knows or cares much. Maybe my therapist, but i doubt it.

Well im now always thinking about death and jjong being dead and ive said before that these thoughts are really killing me inside. Idk where he is, how he is, how he feels, does he feel? Whats up with him... what happens??? Its so scary. I find zero comfort in the thought of him resting bc where is he? Is he resting? Does he know? Where is the man i love so freaking much? Where is my mom? Is she with him? Are they lonely?

Ive always said

When its about death, i envy religious people. They have something to hold onto. I have nothing but the unknown in my head. Another one of my biggest fears and my loved ones are stuck in there. In the unknown. And im not there and i couldnt say goodbye to either of them.

Im so bitter i envy everyone whose bias is still there and im always thinking why him. Why HIM why another person of My life why someone i love so much why when i was feeling so much better thanks to him why did he have to suffer. Will i lose everyone?

Im afraid to sleep still bc im scared to wake up to news of another loved one gone. The fears and memories, theyre everywhere. I cant escape and i hate it and dont know how to process.

The most important form of jjong to me was and still is the fictional one, although jjong as a distant human being will always be more fictional to me than real. The fictional version which i have created for my own reasons, its still there just like always, its still cheering me up, its sweet its cute and lovely, but still hard to work with bc i always end up thinking about the real jjong.

Now after seeing the pictures of his grave i rather see that image than him as a person. I welcome that. Im glad i saw the pics bc its all more real to me now, im glad i saw the burial video.. although i never wanted it to be filmed or real in the first place. I dont think i would be still as sane as i am atm if i didn’t see this stuff.

I know that im doing quite good.. i should be proud of myself i guess.. but my pain is overshadowing everything else to the point where im completely at loss of every emotion just thinking about jjong not being here anymore.

Knowledge about his passing, own experiences and the whole process, everything. It haunts me.

Its quite a long way to go i think. I always felt so close to him, we were so similar and although he had many flaws i didnt quite like, especially as i was getting more healthy and he was still stuck, i still loved him so much and accepted that. He was getting so much better from and outside point of view and maybe that was the reason why he finally found strength to leave and its such a sad thing to think about, but i cant really change a thing anymore.

Sadly. Yeah ..

At the end of this i just want to say. Please just care, be there and if a depressed person in your life gets better please pay special attention bc it might be their chance to end it all. I dont want people to die bc of that dumb fucking illness anymore and i know its not possible to prevent it completely but well..

Im tired and theres still so much more to say for me but i cant say much more now. My head hurts and i need to get up and do something in order to forget about all of this for a while.

Please stay strong, please dont give up. I promise you one day it will get better, never fully ok, but better.

Im trying my best to find joy in jjong and shinee again, i doubt that i will, but im trying. I wont leave the fandom now, but im not the same anymore. Listening to shinees or jjongs music is impossible, watching videos too. If you feel the same its fine. Just do whats right for you. Im just here feeling happy for the others and hoping that theyre feeling better slooowly each day a little. Just like i hope it to be for everyone else.

If you came till here. Thanks for caring. Please take care of yourself, you are very loved. Life is hard, but not impossible.

Stay strong.

#personal #longpost #negative #tw:suicide #tw:death

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arplis · 5 years

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Arplis - News: 11 genius ways to make your tiny bathroom feel bigger

— Recommendations are independently chosen by Revieweds editors. Purchases you make through our links may earn us a commission.

I freely admit Im a maximalist when it comes to home decor. My room is a mish-mash of colorful prints, books, knick-knacks, tarot cards, wall hangings, and plants, and thats exactly how I like it.

However, this mentality means that space is hard to come by, especially in a tiny apartment. Keeping communal spaces clutter-free yet stylish is a huge hurdle weve all had to cross at some point, and in the case of my apartment, the bathroom was an immediate point of conflictor at least some side-eye between roommates. The point stands: Keeping a small bathroom free of junk and still looking cute is a hard task.

It is possible, though, I promise. The following items and ideas will not only allow you to inject some style into your small bathroom, but also keep things clean and functional.

1. Buy a new showerheadright now

Credit: Amazon

A new showerhead can turn your bathroom from drab to fab.

This has been a game-changer in every apartment Ive ever lived in. Theres nothing gloomier than poor water pressure, especially if your bathroom is already old and dreary. Replacing the showerhead with a shiny new number will deliver better water pressure and upgrade your bathroom in a big way, and it can go a long way toward making a small bathroom seem more luxurious.

This particular showerhead is my favorite. It has 24 different functions and easy-to-change settings, and it offers an extremely luxe shower experience at a low price. You can also check out our post on the best showerheads if you need more options.

Get the Hydroluxe Handheld Showerhead & Rain Shower Combo from Amazon for $24.99

2. Invest in shelving to manage clutter

Credit: Wayfair

Over-the-toilet units provide a lot more storage space.

I didn't love the idea of over-the-toilet shelving until we got it in my apartment, and now Im a convert. The bathroom feels much more functional and personalized, as the shelving lets us to display storage baskets and tiny plants without losing any space.

This shelving unit is perfect for your over-the-toilet needs, and its neutral design will work nicely with any other accents you already have. It's easy to assemble and stands free from the wall, so you won't run into any issues if you have lease restrictions. Reviewers love how sturdy the shelf is and how much storage space it offers in an otherwise unused area.

Get the Eckles Over-the-Toilet Storage from Wayfair for $135.99

3. Get some baskets for those new shelves

Credit: Wayfair

Baskets can help organize all your bathroom essentials.

Dont stop at the shelvingorganize! Investing in storage baskets will increase the storage space in your bathroom, and it will also allow you to stay organized, preventing future clutter.

As a maximalist, I love the look of "stuff" in a room, so these wire storage baskets were the move. They come in three metallic shades and two sizes, and all the choices are understated enough to work well with anything else you have going on in your bathroom. They also have the added bonus of being lightweight, making them easy to move around and reorganize if needed.

Get the Scoop Metal/Wire Basket from Wayfair for $11.39

4. Update your bathroom rug

Credit: Reviewed.com / Kori Perten

A stylish bath mat can brighten up your space.

Bathroom decor can go a long way toward livening up a space and making it feel larger. If your floor is darker, a pale gray or blue rug can help open up the space and tie the room together. If the floor is light, darker shades can create a focal point for the rest of the room.

This bath mat was our favorite during testing. It's available in 20 colors and ultra-absorbent, and overall, it's a high-functioning piece that will stand the test of time. It also comes in three sizes, so you can meet the exact specifications of your small space.

Get the Gorilla Grip Original Luxury Chenille Bathroom Mat from Amazon for $15.99

5. Invest in new lighting

Credit: Legrand Adorne

These modular lighting tracks can transform small, dark spaces.

The Phantom of the Opera proved that everything is clearer with a little illumination, and the same is true in small bathrooms. Lighting matters, especially if multiple people are trying to get ready in there at once.

These under-the-cabinet lights from Lumens will not only add a touch of luxury to your space, but theyll also open up the room, giving you a bit more clarity when youre rushing to do your makeup before work. This lighting option is just small enough to sit beneath your vanity, mirror, or cabinet, and reviewers liked the easy installation and streamlined look of this product.

Get the Legrand Adorne 18-Inch Modular Track from Lumens for $86.98

6. Switch out your mirror for a more modern style

Credit: Wayfair

A bigger, more modern mirror will create the illusion of more space.

Weve all grudgingly accepted an apartment mirror with cracked edges and weird dimensions at some point in our lives, but you dont have to live like that any longer. A larger mirror will create the illusion of increased space in your bathroom and is ultimately a functional addition, as well.

This mirror from Wayfair is contemporary and chic, and it comes with reinforced hooks for easy installation. There are two finishes availablegold and blackand reviewers love that there are multiple size options, too.

Get the Lafon Modern & Contemporary Wall Mounted Mirror from Wayfair for $98.99

7. Organize the space under the sink

Credit: Amazon

Tame the mess under your sink with these stacking baskets.

I live with two guys and one other woman, so creating separate, individual space in the bathroom is important not only for our sanity but also to avoid losing your hairbrush to the abyss of cleaning supplies and deodorant. Under-the-sink storage bins have been incredibly helpful for creating personal space in our small bathroom, and they've ultimately kept the room cleaner, as well.

These two-tier storage baskets sit on top of one another, and they're available in a variety of colors. The baskets can be removed from the racks, making for easy cleaning and reorganizing. In our bathroom, we stacked two similar models under the sink with plenty of room leftover.

Get the Mind Reader 2-Tier Metal Mesh Storage Baskets from Amazon for $19.99

8. Hang a shower caddy

Credit: Target

A shower caddy will provide extra space for soap, shampoo, and more.

Am I the only one who can't get near the bathtub without knocking something over? You can avoid the problem of cluttered bath products on the edges of the tub by investing in a shower caddy.

This stainless steel caddy hangs over your showerhead or can be mounted to the wall. It boasts two wide shelves, as well as several hooks and a smaller shelf for bar soap. Plus, you can prevent it from swinging using the suction cups at the back. Just like that, you have a storage solution that everyone in the apartment can agree onassuming all parties can agree on which shelf they want.

Get the Made by Design Bathroom Shower Caddy from Target for $16

9. De-steam the room with a powerful exhaust fan

Credit: Amazon

Clear steam out of the bathroom faster with a new fan.

Small bathrooms fill with steam quickly, and no one likes standing in a hot cloud upon exiting the shower, especially in the warmer months. This exhaust fan will efficiently remove steam from your small bathroom, making the space more functional since your roommates wont have to wait for the fog to clear to get ready for work. Reviewers enjoy how quiet this fan is, and many say it was easy to install in their homes.

Get the Delta BreezeSlim Exhaust Bath Fan from Amazon for $36.99

10. Hang towels behind the door

Credit: Amazon

The staggered hooks provide room for all your towels.

Hiding your bulky towels behind the door will help give the illusion of space in your bathroom, while helping the linens dry out. This over-the-door towel rack has staggered hooks to allow for even more storage space, and it comes in both chrome and bronze to match your existing fixtures. The rack also comes in two sizes, so make sure to measure your door before purchasing.

Get the Lynk Over Door 9 Hook Rack from Amazon for $14.97

11. Throw out your old shower liner

Credit: M-design

A clean shower liner will make your bathroom much more welcoming.

If your shower liner is old, discolored, and maybe even a little moldy, chances are you avoid touching it at all costs. If this sounds like your life, it's time for a new liner. This inexpensive shower liner will keep your space free of mold and mildew, allowing you to wash off without shrinking back against the wall in horror every time you turn around.

Get the M-Design 2-Pack Waterproof, Heavy-Duty PEVA Curtain Liner from Amazon for $9.99

The product experts at Reviewed have all your shopping needs covered. Follow Reviewed on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram for the latest deals, reviews, and more.

Prices are accurate at the time this article was published, but may change over time.

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/11-genius-ways-to-make-your-tiny-bathroom-feel-bigger

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lavenderek · 8 years

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ok here is the story of my cat and her poops. theres a lot of frank discussion of cat poop here so feel free to scroll past

my cat has some anxiety and she hates the other cats, and whenever something stressful is going on, she gets the liquid poops. when we lived in greeley, one day there was blood in it, so i took her to the vet immediately. he made me feel like it wasn’t a huge deal, but he prescribed her some medicine and i forced it down her throat dutifully every night and her poops returned to form but stayed soft.

and she seemed normal otherwise! her behavior hadn’t changed and she was eating and drinking normally.

then when i moved back home and she was combined w several other cats, she started missing the litterbox. it was deliberate. every day twice a day there would be a shit on the floor two feet away from the litterboxes. it was always soft. i figured it was just a bigass cat middle finger to the other cats

then after two or three years my parents decided to sell the house. EVERYTHING was in boxes and we had house showings and i started plugging in air fresheners everywhere so it wouldn’t smell like cat pee (my mom’s cat fucking pissed everywhere it was a territory thing) and this is when it all went to shit (haha)

she started shitting upstairs in the kitchen instead.

we couldnt put a litterbox there because of the house showings so i just started putting her in the garage (with food and water and litterboxes and blankets) when somebody had to come over. and as a result every morning when we got up, cat shit in the kitchen. and every night when i got home from work, cat shit in the kitchen.

when we finally sold the house and moved, there was a litterbox under the little business nook in the kitchen, and she used that. she did not shit on the floor! but when we found a permanent location for litterboxes we took it away, and day one she took a crap on the floor where the litterbox was, so we put another one in its place.

but after that, she returned firmly to shitting on the kitchen floor. and not even where she had originally shit on the floor, she was putting it across the room.

and she knew i hated it! because when i found it i would come find her and carry her over to it and show it to her and tell her No (i would never hurt her but i wanted her to associate pooping on the floor with me being mad)

and it worked, she knew i was mad. it did not stop her from shitting on the floor! what it did was make her tail poof up with fear WHILE SHE SHIT ON THE FLOOR! and that is how i decided something was wrong. i decided to take her to the vet on my next day off. the day before the vet appt there was blood in it. anyway so different vet this time bc i no longer live in greeley.

THIS vet is a family fav because although he is gruff and kind of rude to humans, he LOVES animals. he knows his shit and he complimented her ears, which are pretty and which she keeps very clean. he also immediately diagnosed her with giardia and gave me some different medicine to force feed her, and he told me to sequester her from the other cats because although the other cats haven’t been having any poop issues whatsoever, not even missing the box or failing to properly bury it, giardia is contagious among cats who poop near each other.

he also said she was a senior cat and may just be getting lazy. i was like idk about that. i got her her own litterbox and her own food and water and set her up on vacation in my room.

my mom is CONVINCED she is sad and lonely and bored, and maybe she is! but she seems thrilled to me. she’s peppy and kind and she obeys the litterbox except once or twice when she had peed a bunch of times while i was at work and then decided the box was too messy for her to poop in. but the poops stayed soft. and after her quarantine period ended (doc said five days, i kept her a week) she returned firmly to shitting on the floor. and i couldn’t afford to take her back to the vet.

and honestly this vet was rly annoyed that we have been feeding her purina anyway and i was like. she doesn’t seem to like purina. shes been eating it her entire life but the last several years she like fishes the food out w her paw and complains about it. it didn’t occur to me to think anything of it but now im thinking about her digestive system like all the time so i was like hmm.

so i bought her some special dry food that’s for senior cats w digestive issues, and i also bought some probiotic supplements to mix into her fav grain free wet food. and i have returned her to her separation.

and it has been two weeks now and her poops are mostly solid. and they don’t smell like death warmed over anymore they just smell like normal cat poop. and !! today !!

she let me scratch her tummy. she has kicked my hand away whenever i touched her tummy for years now! but just now i scratched her tummy and she ROLLED ONTO HER BACK AND PURRED!!

and now im like! maybe she hated when i touched her tummy bc it was sensitive and she didn’t feel good! maybe she fucked around w her food because she was having trouble digesting it! maybe pooping away from the box wasn’t a “fuck my roommates” issue, maybe it was a “hey who wants to diagnose my painful shits” issue!

the moral of the story is if your pet has a misbehavioral issue there is often a chance that they are having a sickness and need help. im frustrated w myself that it took me this long to figure out how to help her, but im also frustrated w my parents because it didnt even occur to them she should go to the vet like all our cats are overdue for their shots and the vet was like hmmm hrmph << >3( about it (like i said hes kind of rude to People but he cares v much about Animals)

ANYWAY scratched my cats tummy today and she loves her new food and eats ravenously.

#diary post #tmi probably #no for real its about poop #bbb

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cyincalangels · 4 years

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a final goodbye

as a warning, this is going to be all my thoughts and emotions in one long post. a post i never even thought i would have to make. when i first made this page, i wanted to show this to you at a bigger milestone in a relationship, i wasnt sure what that was going to be or when that was going to happen to be honest. but here we are, at our final milestone. parts of me also never really wanted to show or mention this page to you. but in all honesty, this makes it easier for me to recognize and acknowledge what im feeling and being able to come back and see how my feelings and thoughts have grown or may have changed. i read through all the posts ive written to double check if these are even worth showing you. and i still think they are. i still feel the same way in each post ive written. and i think ill always feel the same way, even after you’re no longer a huge role in my life. i was hurting after i read through all the posts because 1. ive never written things about other people like that. i never even write my feelings out like that 2. i always felt at peace almost after writing each post. each post made me more grateful for you. and dont get me wrong, its not like i only wrote these posts when i was happy, i only wrote when i remembered or made time. there should have been waaaay more posts than there really are. so ill try to make it fit in this one. and 3. im scared ill never really be able to feel like this about a person again. or at least want to be vulnerable anytime soon. again, i never really felt this way about someone. so it definitely hurts having to sit here and write this. i hurt because i know this is my fault. i dont need you to accept or validate anything in this post or what ive done and i dont need you to say it wasnt my fault. ive come to terms that a lot of this was caused by my baggage i failed to heal on my own, which eventually ended in me basically neglecting you and taking you for granted. ive honestly had to stop and cry and recollect myself several times in writing this so it may be all over the place. im also really sorry if this is way too much for you and if this is nowhere near how you felt about me.

i can thank you in a million ways for how you have impacted my life in the very short four months ive known and got the chance to experience you. you were the first and only person who really made the effort to want to get to know me and learn about me. its taught me to be vulnerable and be okay with sharing myself and my stories with others. it showed to me that some people actually still care about what made me, me. i think thats what really intrigued me the most about you. you like stories and you wanted to hear mine. and i wanted to share and experience some of my life story with you. but now all i really have of the memories that remind me of you.

you also exposed to me a lot of my own trauma that needs to be fixed. it was a hard and ugly truth i had to accept about myself and still trying to process it all now. you were strong enough to stand up for yourself and realize that youve had enough of all my baggage. that was probably one of the most humbling moments ive had in a long time because i mean yeah, people leave me for reasons, but it didnt affect me like how this did. it really woke me up to realize that i need to stop making excuses for my trauma. i cant just rely on attention to make it go away. maybe because i tried so hard (at least in my head) to do things to make you stay and i forced us to change to make it work. when ive always known that i cant control or force someone or something to stay. thank you for forcing me to want to work on myself. for me now.

i know i spent a lot of time talking about me and not enough about you. i asked you today and you said you never needed much from me and for some reason, i felt like i failed you. because you did not need much and i couldnt even give that to you. although i kept asking and telling you what i needed and what works for me and i just wanted you to listen, i couldnt even do the same. i wanted change in a relationship its like i wanted to help change you to be better for me but i couldnt even change myself to be the best for you. i didnt want to accept that the change that was needed, was in me instead. i guess you were right when you kept asking if i was ready for you. because now looking back at it all, there is still so much work for me to do.

i really went through all five stages at grief today. almost all at once. one second ill be okay and productive and really accepting of what i have to do from now on. but it could be seconds later where i think of you and suddenly bust into tears because i can no longer have access to you and no longer have you in my life. i thought to myself, “wow, i didnt think the last time i saw him was really THE last time ill probably ever see him again. ill never be able to hold his hand, hug or big spoon him, rub his back, or even scratch his head again.” all weird little things, but all things that i can never do again. i was more angry and disappointed with myself because my passion and emotions cost me someone i genuinely loved and cared about. it pushed someone away. again. i neglected you and let you slip away. i always had a feeling you’d leave me, i just didnt hope it was so soon. im going to miss you so much. beyond what words can explain. but even though i was upset or needed more when i wasnt physically with you, the second youd pick me up from the airport, all of that went away. being there with you made me forget what even makes me upset in the first place. i always appreciated every moment i got to spend with you. i was never bored. i was never tired of you. i never wished to be anywhere else than with you.

theres so many things i regret that we couldnt experience together like how we hoped we could. like we couldnt go out anywhere together. you couldnt meet my people, even though they really wanted to. and i couldnt meet your people either. im actually really sad and hurt we couldnt travel or take a trip together. i was really looking forward to it because i know how much it meant for you to travel with your partner. theres so many things i wanted to do with you because i really enjoyed your presence and just wanted to share stories with you. but we couldnt experience a normal part of a relationship because of whats going on in the world. maybe that wouldve changed some things, but also it doesnt matter now.

i wish i wouldve told you sooner. about how i really felt. not sure if that wouldve changed our situation much and what that would mean. but i never really would have thought i would fall in love with someone through an iphone screen. and i never expected you to feel the same, which may be a reason why i was always too scared to say it out loud to you. just know that i meant every word that i have ever said to you. ill still deadass ride or die for you. still support you. still always be here for you. still be a rock for you while the world is falling apart. still got your back, front, side, whatever you need. still be a call or text away. still be a nike plug if you need more shorts (or clothes and shoes in general). i could never hate you for this or for anything. i know all this is probably super dramatic for the four months ive known you, but i can promise you that this is nothing like ive experienced in a good way. i really do love you, camilo. and i knew for many weeks now. im sorry it had to come out this way. im sorry our story ended a lot sooner than we (mostly i) expected. i promise that ill still stay true to everything ive told you and promise to you that ill go to therapy for myself. please take good care of yourself. of all aspects of yourself please. i hope i can still count on you in the future. i love you. ill always keep praying for you. xoxoxo

ps this took me about two hours to write. and i might write more on here if i ever feel the creative need to release anytime soon, if youre curious to see later.

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gocasualrunawaycollection-blog · 6 years

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New River Arizona Cheap car insurance quotes zip 85087

"New River Arizona Cheap car insurance quotes zip 85087

New River Arizona Cheap car insurance quotes zip 85087

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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A question about car insurance and modifying?

Okay, lets say you own a car, lets call this car A. You pay a car insurance company to insure you car. You hand over the required information and all that, and the car is stock when you insured it. Lets say you put a turbo, or intercooler, or new rims, or anything really, but you DONT mention it to the insurance company. Then you get into a car crash. What does the insurance company insure? The whole car with the non-insured parts? The whole car with only the stock parts (which was exactly what you payed for every month)? Or they insure nothing?""

Is Aetna Health Insurance any good?

I am healthy, but if something happens I want to be sure I am covered. Have you had any good or bad experience with this company. I currently have Humana, and they don't want to pay for a minor office visit, so I am changing. Anything you could offer would be great. Thanks.""

Medical insurance...? 10 points?

I am 14 and I have a medical insurance covers my doctors appointments and my medication but at what age would I lose all that.... If I do what can I do? What covers my medication and medical appointments? By the way I'm not illegal if that helps...

How much is car insurance for a 16 year old in CA?

anybody know?

How much is car insurance for a guy who is...?

i don't want to do any quotes and stuff but i'm just wondering how much you think car insurance will be for me in 4 years. i got my license at 16. i'm 20 right now. never been in any accidents. so in 4 years i will be 25. i'm almost 21. let's say there is a 2013 dodge challenger srt8 it's about 40-45,000 still. by then i'll have my BA and be working on a masters. and let's say i have never had accidents and i had my license for 9 years. and i'm a male. i live in a safe neighborhood and will be living in an apartment. just with these general info. how much do you think insurance will cost for me? i know it's hard to predict 4 years into the future. you can just calculate someone who currently is 25 and is getting an 09 challenger if you want.""

How do i get insurance for a party?

having a party and venue request a certificate of insurance..i have no other insurance other than auto..how can i get a coi cheap and fast

""Average cost of homeowners insurance in League City, Texas?""

What is the average cost of home owner's insurance for the league city area? Including wind storm and flood since both is required for the area we are moving into? Home is for sale at 124,000 and we are trying to estimate costs.""

Car insurance for 17 year old male?

hi can anyone help me i have been looking round for car insurance for a 1.0ltr corsa 2002 and my cheapest quote i have had is 15,540 per year and i am wondering if anyone could tell me if there is anywhere i can get it cheeper or is that the cheepest i am gooing to find thanks ant""

I give my dad my whole paycheck but he hasn't been paying my car insurance?

I am 22 yrs old and live at home with crazy, controlling parents. I work part time and go to school full time. I have no credit, etc etc so they make me live at home and go to school nearby. My job (which is with my mother) recently cut my hours down to part time, but I was lucky because they laid off many people. I get paid around $450 every 2 weeks. My parents are constantly crying about money and I closed out my bank account so as to give them my full check with the understanding that they would help pay my student loans and car insurance. I got into a car crash where I was rear ended and I was the driver, so I received no fault. One month later, I was rear ended AGAIN and again, no fault because I was not at fault for either accident. It came out that I HAVE NO CAR INSURANCE and that my dad was not paying for any insurance because I am not even listed as a driver! I also have no health or dental insurance! (He is a psychiatrist, a doctor, and makes decent money. My mother is a social worker) So now since I have been in 2 accidents and no insurance, my dad won't let me drive and either he or my mother drives me to both work and school. However, they pay for my brother to go away to college and his health insurance, phone bill, and car insurance without question. When I ask why they won't put the car in my name and give me insurance, they say it would be $4,000 a month, which I know is very far from the truth. They also say they are working on getting me car insurance, but the accident occurred over a month ago. How long does it take to get car insurance so I can drive myself places?? What is my best course of action in this psychotic situation?""

Cheaper car insurance?

If i get a cheap car will my insurance be cheaper or more expensive? I have a car that i can have given to me it is about 5 years old but cant aford the first years car insurance out right if i sell it and gt a cheaper car will the insurance be cheaper or more expensive because it is an older car? I say this because if so i can sell the car i have and use the money left over to pay for the first ears car insurance. p.s i am a teenage driver which is why im trying to save as much money as i can!

Would my car insurance company give me any problems if I get a 2nd car?

I am the only driver in my household but I plan to get my son a car and register it under my name and put it on my insurance. He has a license and lives at a different address. Would the insurance company get suspicious about anything?

New River Arizona Cheap car insurance quotes zip 85087

""If i study a childcare apprenticship, how much will i be earning a month?""

I am considering a childcare apprenticship, however i also have alot to pay out for, such as my car and insurance and rent, so i need to know how much i will earn before going ahead with this??? Does any one know?""

I am buying a used car from a private party. What do I need to do before and after buying the car?

Before: carfax, test drive, mechanic check... anything else? After do i need to register it in my name to my state dmv within a certain amount of time? I talked to my insurance ...show more""

Car insurance for new driver?

im looking for car insurance but all of them are over 22,000 but i herd from alot people that its would be 1000 and all my friends pay about 1000 so why is it so expensive?? i live in london and im 19 yers old, i passed my driving test last week.""

How much would my car insurance be?

Right now I have a Nissan Maxima that im paying about $1000 per year liability insurance on. But this car is giving me problems and I am tired of putting money into it so im looking into a new one. I seen a nice 08 Honda that I can afford but my only concern is that my insurance will skyrocket because I have been told that I would have to get full coverage on it. So about how much would insurance on a 08 Honda accord be for a 20 year old male. Btw I have all state right now can anyone recommend a nice cheap insurance?

Health insurance for over 65 yrs old immigrant?

Im looking for health insurance for my parents. Theyre both 65 yrs old and have health issues (although, they dont require immediate health care but just being prepared in case an ...show more""

Can someone tell me what the cheapest car insurance is for college students?

How much of a difference will a Mercedes cost to insure and register than a BMW?

I have a 2001 BMMW 330i and I was planning to hand it down to my little sister (who just turned 17 and got her license) Although, she wants a 2000 or 2001 Mercedes C230 or C240. My parents can afford this for her... but I was wondering how much more her parts will cost and how much her insurance and registration will cost her. Please no one who tells us that we should get a cheaper car.. it's not going to happen. Thanks though.""

I have a question about auto insurance in Arizona.?

I am 18 years old and just obtained my drivers license. I do not own a car but I would like to use my grandparents jeep in times when I need to get to school. It wont be a routine thing just a back up plan in case I cannot find a ride. Do I need to get a non owner insurance policy to able to legally drive in Arizona or am I legal to drive without insurance as long as my grandparents have the car insured?

""$1,000 or $500 deductible for home owner's insurance?""

Which is more common $1,000 or $500 dollar deductible?""

If a health insurance company can't deny my pre-existing condition...?

Why should I buy insurance at all?

Can i get insurance with a permit?

i am getting my learners permit tom ,can i get insurance to .i am 16 years old""

Does Florida auto insurance work in Virginia?

What if you have Florida auto insurance coverage but you move to Virginia? Are you still insured?

How much would my insurance on average be for a 2007 V6 mustang with allstate?

Im calling tomorrow to get a quote but, i was wondering if anybody had an idea. Its a V6 so that makes a huge difference since its not a V8 GT. Im just unsure how much allstate wants for a V6 mustang. if anybody has a price range they could give me it would be greatly appreciated. thank you!!""

Do I need to declare to my insurance company If I change my alloy wheels.?

It currently has the factory 16 alloy wheels on but 2 of them are buckled. I don't want to buy new ones the same as this seems to be a common problem with ford fiesta alloys so was thinking of replacing them with the same size alloys of a different brand. Do I have to declare this to my insurance company?

CAR INSURANCE for a17 year old??

i just passed my test and have the old ford fiesta waiting for me to drive but atm the quotes i'm getting for insurance is around 2000 What are the cheapest sites for car insurance? Should i do Pass Plus?

HELP PLEASE. AUTO INSURANCE FOR NEW DRIVER. I NEED A GOOD ANSWER?

how much a year would a 1998 chevrolet camaro base, not z28, be for a new driver. any ideas? and also a 2002 dodge intrepreped es 4 door cost? please.""

I have full coverage towards my car insurance. Can my friend drive my car too? ?

Car accident in California with no insurance. What do do now?

A friend of mine just got into a car accident in California. He was test driving a car. The guy who wants to sell the car was in the passenger seat. My friend was unfamiliar with the area and the guy who wants to sell the car told him to turn right. While doing that he crossed another lane and got hit by a car driving there. Both cars got quite damaged, but no one got injured. Police came and filed a ticket against my friend. He does not have any insurance. What advise could I give him? What should he do next? I don't live in the states so it is kind of hard for me to help him.""

Car insurance at parents address or rented?

I am currently down on a rental property contract at my boyfriends rented house, however he is the head tenant and I am down as being at the property, I still live with my parents and am there half of the time and my drivers license, finance info, bank statements and everything else go there, however I am not sure if I am registered at my parents and boyfriends, which I assume I am because my mum still puts me down on the electoral poll. I plan to use my parents address as my registered address however it asks where the car will be kept overnight, and there is not one set place, if I use my parents the insurance is cheaper and if I use my boyfriends it's 100pound more. Can anyone advise me on what address to do? As I am at both addresses different times of the week. Thanks""

150cc Scooter Insurance in California...?

I bought a 150cc scooter for $950 brand new in California. Do I need to get it insured. I am only going to use it for 6 months till I got to school. I live abroad. I am not worried about the scooter getting damaged, I need only 3rd party insurance in case I knock someone and they decide to sue me or whatever... What are your suggestion, and the cost to register one and the cost for insurance. Im 20 years old btw. Thanks alot if you can help me out!! Thanks...""

Chevy camaro insurance?

How much is the chevy camaro insurance a month please answer asap it's important bc my daddy said it's time fa me to starting looking at cars so I can hv one my senior year

How much is a 2010 Jeep Sahara cost a month for insurance?

What is individual and family health insurance?

I am planning to have family health insurance in these days but I want to understand the basic difference between individual and family health insurance.

Insurance without a tag?

In the state of GA, is it possible to drive a car with insurance but without a tag? Do you have to get both at the same time?""

How can your medical history be discovered?

when signing a form to release your medical records, how are they able to obtain those since there is no computer system that links all your records and if you seek treatment without utilizing insurance is it possible for anyone to actually find out unless they know the specific doctor you go to?""

New River Arizona Cheap car insurance quotes zip 85087

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-advantages-disadvantages-life-insurance-robert-hamilton/"

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youmonsterstory · 6 years

Text

Warnings come on dogpaws

Creature: Black dog Universe: Supernatural Style: Non gender specific, first person Disclaimers: Supernatural does not belong to me The black dog is a ghostly or demonic dog in British folklore that is a nocturnal death omen. This is a re-wright of my black dog story written on the 1st of may 2016 I’m sat on the damp grass of the Forrest the sound of the wildlife filling my pointed ears. Eyes closed and snout pointed at the moon as I enjoy the soft breeze gently blowing through my thick black fur. It was different here, the fur that once protected me from the chilly climate of England has turned against me. Heating me more in America’s warmth. Even the slightest breeze was a godsend. Yes I know what your thinking, “what is a black dog doing in America?” well it all started when I was haunting a bridge. The path was Icy and the railing of the bridge was on the verge of braking. So I waited, Waited for anyone to come by so I could do my job as a death omen. So I could warn them of the dangers that lay ahead. That’s when I first saw him, The English man who had taken the lives of many. I had to protect people from this monster! warn them of what is to come. On that day I broke a rule, I chose to haunt this man, This Monster instead of my bridge. That’s how I got here, In America sitting in the Forrest outside of the murder’s little shack hidden in the woods. I’m torn away from my thoughts at the sound of tires screeching across the wet tarmac of the road causing me head to point in the direction of the sound instantly before I can even thing about it. The door to the killer’s shack opens. its old rusted joints screaming in protest before I dart away. Running as fast as I can towards the sound. Paws hitting the soft wet grass, heart pounding in my ears. I HAVE to warn them. Find some way of telling them about the danger coming there way. Leaping out of the bushes I prepare to land, all four paws hitting the hard tarmac under them. Before me is a well dressed middleman man talking on the phone next to his very shiny car. I’d tell you what make it was if I wasn’t a dog that has no idea about cars. Heck I can’t even tell you the colour it looks .....Green? no ....blue... maybe its yellow? Who knows not that it matters anyway. I walk out further into the road standing directly in the car’s headlights. This has to get his attention. The harsh light of the headlights reflects off my cold lifeless eyes. God this must make me look so sinister. The man was grumbling and rolling his eyes as he spoke on the phone Frustration and fear evident in his shaking voice. “Yeah! I know!” the man shouted down the phone “And it broke down by a creepy wood!” theres a pause as the person on the other end of the phone communicates with him. “yeah that’s the one, I don’t have the number of the roadside assistance firm! can you call them for me? yeah popped ti-” I can see his eyes dart over to me,The fear in his eyes even more evident now. “There’s a dog out here, Its huge and black as night ......what?” he pauses again watching me with his tiny eyes and I slowly make my way over to him. Paws softly patting on the road. “NO WAY!” He screams “IT CAN’T BE!” I have to lower my ears to protect them from his harsh voice, Hopefully he knows of my kind! that or he just thinks I’m a wolf. Not the first time I had been mistaken for one that’s for sure. Darting my head towards the forest I can here the Englishman's heavy boot clad feet crunching fallen leaves and twigs as he makes his way over. In a desperate attempt to save the man I charge at the car baring my teeth in a menacing snarl. The well dressed man staggers back and opens his car door but its to late. The killer is upon him. the sound of screams hit my ears and the thick sent of fresh blood fills my navel passage. I had failed again. I’m awoken to the sound of Police sirens blaring out side of the forest. Human officers must have found the car. probably called in by the roadside service the person on the other end of the phone call was asked to call. I stretch my limbs letting out a quite little whine to shake of sleep before creeping my way threw the forests plant life, only stopping until I can see the commotion by the car. The road is blocked off preventing anyone from coming through. Good. A car pulls up into view not looking anything like a car that a police official would have at all. it was slender, black and well taken care off. Two men got out of the car at the exact same time. the first was taller, neat and had hair that I had only ever seen on the female members of the species before. The second was shorter and much more mean looking. They smelt like cheep booze and sweat. Though there natural cent where very similar, Most likely brothers or father and son. “I’m Billy Riley and this is my partner Bob Robinson” The shorter of the two stated and flashed some thing small and shiny. “FBI, Show us what you have” The taller of the two chimed in as they both walked over to a very round police officer. “’bout time you feds got ‘ere! been ask’n for ya fur months now!” the officers voice booms angrily, clearly upset that they had not come sooner. Leading them to the car of the victim he continues “what I reckon happened ‘ere is simple. The dog took him” “Dog?” Repeated the shorter man questioningly. His real name was Dean Winchester and he was no FBI officer, He was a hunter. “yeah, been this pesky black dog the size of a cow they recon. The victims often call there other halves down this road and say they’ve seen a huge black dog” The taller brother who’s real name is Sam walks off with Dean to have a word with him. I creep up to the now smashed car of the victim to hear there conversation better. “Do you really think we’re dealing with a black dog?” Sam asks his older brother questioningly as Dean walks over to the drivers seat of the smashed up mode of transport. “Don’t they come from England? why would one be all the way out here?” Dean reply's while he searches the car only to frown when he finds the deep slash in the head rest of the drivers seat. “and why would it have a knife?” Sam pulling his normal “bitch-face” at the news makes his way over to the car. “call the family? they guy was talking to his wife when it happened right?” The two men had left, Probably to go and find the wife and what not. I’d follow them but no way was I leaving the killer to just murder some other person. No I had to stay, so I did all day, sitting by the old shack waiting for any movement. Thinking about how I can’t let this go on any longer. I feel although the deaths this man has caused is on my paws. time after time I fail the people he kills and I’m SICK OF IT! I all ready broke one rule by following him here and leaving my bridge. If I have to brake a second to save more lives? So be it! My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a car’s engine in the dead of night, this is my chance! If I run now maybe I can get to it before it drives past? they can call the police and then my plan shall continue from there. So I sprint through the forest faster than I ever have before leaping off the side of tree trunks to shorten my time in getting there. Leaping out onto the road once again I stand my ground cold dead eyes glowing in the darkness as the black impala swerves out of the way and comes to a screeching halt. Turning my head I see the two Winchester men come out of their car shotguns aimed right at my head. I need to show them I’m no danger to them. But how? I lower my head to the floor watching them as I bow to them tail and ears lowered. “hello .....black dog” Sam says wearily as he lowers his weapon. Dean however still has his pointing at my face.“We know you aren’t killing these people, you are warning them aren’t you” Sam takes a small step closer to me much to his brothers dismay. Nodding at him slowly I release the breath I was holding in my lungs, At least they know I am no killer. “Can you tell us who is killing these people?” Sam hopefully asks. I shake my head and his face shows disappointment. I can not tell them But I can show them. Making my way to the side of the road I look back at the two men, hoping they catch on to the fact I am trying to lead them to the killer. Looking at each other they whisper amongst themselves before reluctantly following me. I’m careful to lead them down a path they can follow with little to no trouble after all they are much bigger than I am and I am certainly not the size of a cow like the officer had mentioned before. Once we arrive I sit on the wet grass as I did when I first heard the car from the other night and look up at them showing them I won’t lead them any further. They brake the door to the old shack down and soon enough there is a roar from the Englishman. There’s quite a bit of commotion in the small shack but soon enough it becomes silent. “I can’t believe people! Yeah I can understand monsters killing because they are monsters! but PEOPLE!” Dean screams as he bursts out of the shack and presses his shotgun between my eyes. “DEAN DON’T” Sam yells at his brother and then looks me in the eyes “Thank you” I nod and close my eyes before I get to my paws looking at them one last time before I vanish into the darkness of the forest. I can finally go home.

#You're the monster #Supernatural #fanfiction #black dog #Sam winchester #Dean winchester

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this-blog-should-not-exist · 7 years

Text

It’s a blog for a reason

Idk if i’ll keep up with this actually or not but its a blog for a reason, they’re places were you can talk about whatever the fuck you want. I said Id do the same thing with my personal blog but also I follow some friends on that blog and they probably don't want to hear about the stuff I get up to or my little depressive episodes. I mean sure they’ll show their concern but that only goes so far I guess.

Idk I mean it’s just a place for me to talk, I once started a google docs document where I had the idea to start writing like a guide? i guess you could call it but where I would write the name of someone I knew, one of my friends, a family member, ex boyfriends, whoever then I would create an entry of who they were, their interactions with me, my relationship with them and what I thought of them or their like defining character traits or actions that stood out to me. The benefit with this though I guess is that I can just type whatever comes to mind as i type it. Sometimes it could be organized and tie into older posts if I keep up with it or it could just be on the fly stories and recollections of thing that have happened to me or what I’m feeling at the time. Ive meant or at least had the idea to actually physically write this or start a journal where I could do the same thing but that would take me much longer to do where typing I can do much faster and get more thoughts out. Plus writing for so long and about so much makes my hand hurt after a while and I can’t talk about all I wanted to because I can't keep writing. I don't have that problem with typing XD

I guess I could start with some recent events that have been on my mind. So I guess about like 2 months ago? I had gotten a Tinder. That in itself was an event XD Ive always been both curious and scared of it because in my mind meeting someone on tinder doesn't feel as genuine when meeting someone by chance or passing or words between friends to meet someone new. But I had gotten one and within a few weeks I had made quite a few matches, however none of them seemed really into it. Half of them never messaged me back and only seemed to be there for the sake of getting a match, others may have talked back but didn't seem interested in trying to start something or meet up for a date. I had finally gotten one guy to go on a date with me, I had never really talked to him but Ive seen his face around because we had some friends within the same social group but like I said, never really met or talked to him only seen him on like instagram before. We had gone on one date and texted a bit but he just wasnt for me. I called him a “real flower child” is the best way I can describe it. Now I don't mean to offend anyone but also who the fuck is gonna read all this, this is only my first like text blog post no one really cares its more for me to get this out. Anyway I call him a real flower child because he's very outdoorsy and loves nature and Lana Del Ray and has the whole nose ring piercing, curly hair, circular glasses, he actually said once “the world make me sad” as he took a bath with candles and a bath bomb, he also said “wine makes me cry” which I mean ok maybe wine does make people drunk cry but still its all about his aesthetic. Its a fun aesthetic but that’s just not for me.

After him I had an occasional match but I ran into the same problem where either no one wanted to talk and was just there for a match or they never seemed interested. I had given up on the app really but I kept it around because in the back of my head I'm thinking like alright, its all good, I'm a patient person it just takes some time, you never know I may meet someone actually, and then last week I matched with two guys. One that lives on the other side of Columbus and one that lives just outside of Easton. The one on the other side of Columbus is really cute and had a lot of the same interests and is just kinda quirky and fun, I just haven't met him yet but we both want to meet up. Now the other one I’ll just say J, he lives outside of Easton and I went on my first date with him on Sunday. It was a good day, we had wandered around Easton, gone out to eat and saw a movie. He also has a lot of the same interests as me, video games, some anime, youtube, but thats about it actually now that I think about it. He's a little rough, like more aggressive but in a sarcastic way I guess. But we vibe well together i feel. Shorter than me, has contacts, wears glasses occasionally mostly at home really. He's 21 as well which I mean sure Im 19 but I guess thats where Im also attracted to him because he's a little older, he’s more mature than some of my past boyfriends but also has a childish side like me. Thats where we’re similar. We went and saw Mother! which I guess was supposed to be a phycological thriller but it was really dumb to us, it didn't make much sense. I was during the movie where I first kissed him, I had wanted to earlier as well but I didn’t feel like it was right yet. It made me laugh though that that was the movie we saw and decided ah yes, this is a good movie to kiss and cuddle and hold hands to.

After the movie I didn't quite want to leave yet because I was getting pretty attached to him that night so we went back to his apartment for the night. I watched him play Skyrim for a bit, he let me try out Overwatch while him and his roommate had gone to get her some pizza. Which I thought like alrighty, this is okay, just leave me alone at your apartment even though I literally just physically met you today. They came back after like a half hour, eventually me and him went back to his room, we made out for a good while on and off. He wanted to take a bath together which I had never done before. My last boyfriend had suggested it but I never really wanted to much. We got the water running for a second but I was really anxious, I had gotten my shirt off but I didn't take off my pants. He was already in his underwear, it took me a second but eventually he also kinda forced me as in getting close and kissing me then pulling down my shorts and underwear. I was really awkward at that point. It took me like 2 months before my last boyfriend had seen me naked and no one before him has seen me naked, its just not my thing its weird, I just don't like it much. But anyway so we had gotten in the shower instead, I was still pretty anxious. My legs were shaking I was hugging my body, it was just generally uncomfortable but within a few minutes I had mostly gotten over it. It just make me feel really weird. After the shower we got out and just laid on his bed for a bit still naked. I had gotten over it by that time but there was still some after feelings that I guess I didn't notice as much since we were making out again. Eventually we but our underwear back on and a t shirt and went to bed after about another hour or so.

The next morning we just stayed in bed really until I had to leave to go back home because mom was wondering where I was, I had texted her last night that I was staying there with him so that was taken care of. Eventually I got home and that was that. He had actually invited me to a party one of his coworkers was having that night but I had already stayed with him one night and I had to but up early the next morning for work so I told him no I couldn't which of course he was pouting over a little but in a playful way that you would when your flirting with someone. So that night I actually ended up going to a party at my other friends house till like 1am but THAT was ok because he only lived like 5 minutes away from home compared to an hour that J lived. That was Monday night, the first date was Sunday and I stayed with J Sunday night. I worked early on Thursday morning but then he came out to my house that afternoon. We played some Mario Kart Double Dash at my house then drove out to my friends house Ive been housesitting for to technically grab some wires for my Wii but then we ended up taking another bath in their huge bathtub with jets for about an hour and a half which was nice. I was used to being naked with J by now. We watched some youtube while in the bath, made out for a bit again. Then we got dressed and drove back to my house. By the time we got back it was about 1am when I wanted to get to bed because between Sunday and Monday night I had gotten about 8 hours of sleep total. So he left and that was Tuesday. Now yesterday, Wednesday I worked again early in the morning, then I went back out to Columbus and saw J again for a few hours, we played some gamecube again, I went with him to get groceries, then me and him went out to eat. Came back and laid in his bed in our underwear again watching youtube and cuddling and kissing until it was about 11:30 then I went home again.

Idk what to make of J, I like him, he's the farthest Ive been on a first date thats for sure. I enjoy his company but do I? Or is it just because I haven't had any sort of attention like this in almost 6 months? Like I had said we share some similar interests. Video games, some music, a little bit of anime and legos. He's pretty sweet with me but also he's a little more aggressive than me, which I mean Im okay with kinda. challenge me a little, don't be afraid to playfully challenge and fight me. But don't be an ass about it. Idk theres the other kid on the other side of Columbus who I've been snap chatting as well but Ive been giving J most of my attention.

#me #relationship #gay #relationship advice #boyfriend #tinder #blog writing

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soulshapeslifestyleinteriors · 7 years

Text

5 WAYS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH WINTER AT HOME

Hey guys!

Thanks for stopping by for your weekly 'Selfie Saturday' sesh.

For those of you who may be new, 'Selfie Saturday' is a weekly sesh on ways to improve your life from the inside out. I'll be delving into the many ways to design your life, from interior design for the soul to increasing your connection to source + yourself! With our busy lives it's sometimes hard to find the time to take stock + check in on our self. I want this blog to be your 5 mins every Saturday morning where you can reflect and perhaps tweak things up a little.

It's all about you , so take a break, enjoy, it's Saturday!

#selfiesaturday

Well winter in Australia is truely here! Especially for those like myself living in one of the colder cities, Melbourne!

For many, winter can be a gloomy time of year. You get stuck indoors a little more, you walk outside and start hugging youerself like a crazy person in a straight jacket, just to stay warm. All the annoying things that you totally would'nt have to do if the sun would just come out!

They say the grass is always greener and if your spending all your days dreaming of a tropical island where the sun is beaming, then today I want you to realise that the grass is pretty green right here, smack bang in the middle of winter!

It's taken me basically my whole life to realise that as much as I love a hot sunny day, going to the beach and crusing with my roof off, I am 100% a winter girl! After spending 5 years in Perth WA, (A very hot hot city, similar to LA) I came to realise how stressful I felt from constant constant hot weather. At first I was like, "yes this is amazing, enjoy your rainy days all you other suckers in the cold states, I'm living it up in my endless summer!" But as the the years passed, I slowly noticed that there really was no relief and having the sun glaring everyday was kind of boring, predicatble and actually just too much of a good thing! I came to realise how much I was missing the seasons and all the juicy stuff that only a season can provide.

So let me to tell you the 5 things that I do at home that make me fall in love with winter. Hopefully I can inspire you to go indulge in one of these perfect winter activites and get you appreciating that there is a time for everything + the variety + balance proper seasons bring to our life is so soothing to the soul. It's all about embracing life, so lets stop the winter winge and embrace the moment!

Sititing by the fire

OMG (WARNING I say this a lot) OMG, OMG I love love sitting by the fire. There is something so soothing about cosying up under a big chunky knit and staring into the flames. Whether it's with your BFF's or your honey, it's really just such a great way to get connected with yourself and those around you. I guess it comes back to the idea of sitting around the camp fire. It brings about a sense of contemplation, almost hypnotising and so so soothing to the soul. I feel like it's a big warm hug from mother nature and she's saying "It's all good girlfriend, I got you, just keep sipping on that red wine, everything is all good!" :)

You don't have a fire at home? Thats totally fine because my next fav thing to do is go to a gorgeous restaurant and hot chocolate by the fire! So if your feeling these hot firey vibes and your bummed because you don't have a fire, get googling stat and go book in for a cosy lunch somewhere.

Winter Decor

Some of the ways to embrace winter around the home can also be through your decore! Have you seen the gorgeous chunky knit's available these days? They really are to die for and would make the most lush addition to your bedroom or living room + are a must have to embrace winter. You could also change your bedlinen, cushions or artwork up and embrace some winter tones and styles. Obviously it might not be in the budget to spend too much on seasonal purchases but any investment you make can go into rotation and then you could sell them for some cash to buy some summer pieces later in the year. Candles are great through winter, again it's about that connection with the elements and the soothing energy that a flame brings to a space. My last winter must have, which is actually and all year must have, is bringing in flowers and plants. This really is an all season must have, but I think it's especially important through winter. One of the main reasons we get down through winter is not being able to go outdoors and get our nature fix. Connecting with nature has been proven to increase our happiness so it's important to bring those endorphin providing elements indoors as much as possible. Plants and flowers are also visually up lifting and there is actual research that shows our sense of calm and happiness is increased just by having a plant in our line of sight! Cool hey!! So go grab some beautiful flowers from the garden or a market and cheer up you and your space!

Cooking

Winter is the perfect season to bring out your Betty Crocker! I mean who wants to stand around a hot hoven in Summer? No one!!! Thats why Summer is great for eating out or BB'Qs but it is not great for all the delicous meals that require hanging by the stove.

Some of my favourite winter dishes are yummy full flavoured curry! My husband Jai makes the best best curry every, I seriously am obsessed with his curry! So when winter comes it's out with the french oven and in with spicey flavour bomb meals!

My other favourtie is of course pumpkin soup! I make a really delish pumpkin soup that I top with dill, sour cream, salt + pepper! I love smelling it simmer on the stove on a winters day & I always serve with a crunchy bread.

Now for something sweet, my banana cake! Of course you can bake cakes in Summer too, but is it as nice as eating it in winter? No, it's just not as nice! When you serve up some warm cake, with melted butter and nice hot cup your favourite vice, some kind of mgic happens that you can never get in summer. Trust me, I have tested this theory, being the cake freak that I am, I tried to enjoy cake in summer and yes it is always yummy, I mean it's cake! But the experience is not as warming and soothing as it is on a cosey winters day.

Reading

Picture it..... It's Saturday morning, your sitting in your cosy bed, or in a gorgeous reading nook, reading your favourite blog ;) You hear the rain on the roof and you can see the trees blowing in the wind through your window. Cosy overload!! Again this can be embraced through summer, in a hammock under a tree, ok I'm feeling that could be winning me over, but I still think winter provides the best atmosphere to really get engrossed in a good book. I mean in winter, your stuck in side, your mind is not wondering whether you should jump back into the pool like it would in summer. It's not distracted with too many other options so theres a good chance you could really get completely taken away into some amzing other world. One of my favourite reads of late is Gabby Bernsteins "The Universe Hads your Back" and I have aslo just finished reading " In the Company of Women" by Design Sponges' Grace Bonney. I'm more into reading about people who inspire me more than non fiction, but I'm open to any suggestions if you have some you would like to share below.

Lighting

Lighting plays a huge role in affecting our mood and a great way to warm up a space and bring an injection of cosy is through lamps and lighting. If you have dimmers, then you will instantly know what I mean. As soon as you turn down the wattage in your lighting a sense of calm instantly comes over you. This is also another reason I feel too much sunlight can be stressful. Having excessive, glare + bright light as been known to cause headaches and actual emotional stress. So what's an easy way to embrace this idea and warm up in winter? Bring in more lamps! Add a few around the living room or by the sofa or reading chair, make sure you have them in your bedroom, by your bed or dresser. I have one in my kitchen which instantly makes cooking in my kitchen more enjoyable. Experiment with this and see just how much you can change things up to make winter time feel like a cosy treat rather than a boring burden. One important thing to note, use warm white globes, not cool. Cool white has a similar affect as too much sunshine and will make you feel like your in a hospital. It can feel cold + clinical and the idea of bringing in lamps is really to make you feel all warm and relaxed during this time of year.

Well that's it from me guys, I hope I have got you feeling a little more into winter!

Enjoy your weekend and remember there really is'nt too much longer of winter left so make hay whilst the sun don't shine ;)

Don't forget to take time to connect!

Peace Out xx

Melanie Sherwell - Interior Designer

Soul Shapes- Lifestyle Interiors

#interior blog #winter decor #design for winter

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