#but to say that there is a right and wrong way to depict a character really raises my hackles

[anotheroceanid]

Ngl, but I feel that these wave of “complex” and “humanised” villains is just propaganda to make us compassionate toward conservatives and their ideals, but in a twisted way. When villains were queer-coded characters, or POC, or characters that became villains because of the consequences of capitalism, they were rarely given any sympathy from the writers.

But the moment the villains are rich (mostly white) people, or people who have been privileged their whole life, or people that simply uphold the status quo, they’re suddenly “conflicted” and a “product of their environment”, or simply “gray”, they’re are often written in a way so the public (us) will not hate them as much, or, sometimes, glaze those characters that they’re poor babies who never did anything wrong.

Contrasting to that, when the heroes were idealised white male characters or idealise white female characters, even if they did something wrong, the narratives never questioned it. Now that we have more diverse heroes, they have to be deeply flawed and at every moment these flaws will be highlighted. How dare these (sometimes) not white and (sometimes) not male and (sometimes) not rich and (sometimes) not straight (like, how many non white-male-straight-rich we have that are all these things at once) not be perfect?

And I’m not saying that I want perfect heroes or that I want villains that are simply monsters, I’m just saying that we didn’t change at all. “Status quo” characters are still being excused of their shitty actions, even if they were now supposed to be in the “bad” side, but hey, now we live in the time in which “there is no bad side” or “it’s complicated” or even “everyone is a little wrong”. While the heroes that are, let’s say, “progressive” in the slightest way, are often depicted as somehow egoistic or, even worse, nearing madness—because it’s seem madness is the only way anyone would ever consider going against an oppressive system, right? 🤪

This all to say that I’m a little over aware of the things I consume, and even if it’s somewhat enjoyable, I’m tired that almost every time I’m going to consume a new media I have the writing trying to shove the “look, sometimes people who uphold a extremely cruel societal dynamics ain’t that bad, sometimes they’re just very sad/were manipulated/didn’t know any better and they need loooove 🥺🥺🥺 please be gentle with this uwu proto-fasc1st, okay? WE EVEN MADE THEM PRETTY FOR YOU 😍😍😍 WITH FAMILY ISSUESSS, don’t you relate to that? 🥹” onto my face. And then the characters that are in the bad side are always like “oh, they are ALMOST interested in changing something, BUT they’re not as good as they seem, just so you know” or even “yeah, that’s a person who’s completely against the system… did I tell you they’re mad?? Haha”

Like, l can enjoy villains. But we’re living in a moment in which this overly-apologetic approach to THESE sort of villains just pisses me off.

[dykedvonte]

I think depictions of Anya being cruel to Curly or drawing out his suffering are artful and chilling but completely miss the point of the story and her character.

I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have that "I told you so" moment with him but not in something callous or cold. Even if that is how it happened, she'd immediately feel guilty cause at that point she's not tormenting her tormenter or even the person truly at fault. She's doing something cathartic, similar to how Jimmy likely hits Curly to release rage he can't against the rest of the crew. She'd see herself as no different when she'd come back from the moment and see Curly cowering at her. She wants someone to take responsibility but how does being cruel to the defenseless help? Why would she want the power Jimmy has over her over Curly?

The idea of her extending someone else's pain is just so against the struggles she already faces and how she can't even bring herself to cause someone pain even to help them. Her very desire is to release herself from her own suffering and I doubt she'd even fine some sort of guilty release in being cruel to another.

[clumsypuppy]

i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim

[halfelven]

also i am not the right person to be writign about representation of masculinity in lotr because i have almost no concept of what masculinity is

[thehollowwriter]

I'm ngl, I think the Spider Verse movies are the best depictions of Spider-man. They embody the very concept of Spider-man perfectly, and I believe this because of the explosive fandom reaction to them, especially the sequel.

So many people from so many backgrounds all over the world started making their own "spider sonas", their own ideas of a spider person. Sure you can just say it's a trend, but people are still doing it now. I've seen disabled Spideys, queer Spideys, Spideys from any country you can think of, Spideys with vastly different designs, aesthetics and personalities, Spideys who are deeply rooted in the creator's culture, yet who are all unquestionably Spidey.

Never before has the message of "anyone can wear the mask" been so true, and never before have so many people believed it.

People saw themselves represented on screen whether it be through the mc or side characters, they saw the limitless potential of so many different dimensions and universes, they saw Miles reject the "canon" and the idea of what Spider-man "has to" be (which is quite clearly at least partially inspired by egotistical and bigoted Spider-Man "fans" who believed there was only one Spider-man and only one way his character could be depicted and only one way his story should be told) and they understood that yes, they were included in the phrase "Anyone can wear the mask"

Spider-man was always such a successful character who everyone wanted to see for a reason. He isn't the same as many other heroes who were all adults and seemed to be in a place most viewers couldn't dream of seeing (rich, a god, a super soldier, etc).

Peter Parker starts out as just some guy, an everyday middle or lower class person who does everyday things like go to school or miss the bus or get fired. Peter was no smooth and classy ladies man, he wasn't a sports star or anything. He was an awkward and shy guy who liked "nerd" stuff.

He, in the words of MJ, "just happened to get bit." It was an accident, a spider bite. He wasn't in the military or creating a powerful suit or anything. He's some guy who got powers and decided to use them to protect people. Just your friendly neighbourhood Spider-man.

Most importantly, he was the first superhero of his kind. Before Spidey, there was no "teenage superhero." There were only adult superheroes, and teenagers only appeared as sidekicks. When Stan Lee suggested a teenage superhero, he was told it was a terrible idea, and nobody would want to see that.

Well, I'm sure all of us in 2024 where the Spider-man IP is worth over $27 billion with ten movies starring Spidey as the mc, and several more where he makes an appearance as a side character, and where Spider-Man: Across the Spider Verse set several box office records and was the sixth highest grossing film of 2023, can see how wrong that was.

Since his conception, Spider-man was a character who defied how things "should be" and took that leap of faith, and it led to greatness. Just like Miles' entire story of becoming Spider-man being completely different from what we've seen so many times before. Just like Miles defying Miguel and carving his own path, even with the threat of "breaking the canon" (which I personally think can be interpreted as a representation of the idea some people have that if you make Spidey "too different", you'll destroy him as a character)

Together, the two Spider Verse movies managed to prove that yes, anyone can wear the mask. You don't need the "right" skin colour or gender or backstory or plot points. Those are not what makes Spider-man who he is, and those are not why people fell in love with his character and concept.

What made Spider-man who he was, was his actions, his compassion, his relatatability, and how he inspired people. He's a hero whose entire appearance is covered by his suit, and yet is not doubted as a hero by those who were saved (plots where the writers want to make him suffer more exluded/hj).

So yeah. I really love the Spider Verse movies. Not just for their animation, music, story, and voice acting, but also for how they managed to embody and challenge the idea of Spider-man and potrayed just why Spidey was so loved.

(I mainly focused on Miles in this lil rant because he's the mc, but if ya'll want to discuss other characters like Gwen please comment or reblog with your thoughts, I'd love to hear them!)

[fixyourwritinghabits]

Enemies to Lovers or the "Give Us Nothing" Trope

This is a particular bane of romantasy, but it's been going on way longer than that in a lot of fiction. You know him, I know him, it's the "super hot bad guy to whom a redemption arc is a joke" trope. The irresistible evil dude. Pretty much one of the main options for a romantic lead these days. This trope is awful, rarely done well, and has been driving me crazy for ages. Let's talk about why!

Subgenres of this trope are The Liar ("I withheld critical information from you for 2/3rds of the plot yet you still want to fuck me") or the One-Dimensional Rogue ("I have the moral convictions of a flea but you'll still get with me over the good guy you've known your whole life"). All of these characters seem interesting on the surface, but there's a handful of factors that cripple them:

Being unwilling to give us a real motive. Why is the hot evil guy evil? What made him go down this road? What do they truly believe and why? If your character has less motivation than a Disney villain, you've got nothing to go on. Gaston has more depth than most of these bozos, and the point of Gaston is that he shallower than a dried puddle!

Being unwilling to actually write romance. These dudes is supposed to like the lead, yet they never really do. The key problem here is that once your mysterious hot lead starts to actually want to be with someone, he stops being so mysterious. Actual character development might expose some flaws or make the dude awkward, and we can't have that.

Not conflicted, not interesting. The bad guy doesn't have any emotional turmoil about what he's doing and why. Or maybe he feels a little bad about lying to the heroine, but goshdarnit, the sex is just so good. There may be trauma driving him, but it's mostly present in the form of a sexy scar or a sad background that'll never be plot relevant, so why bother?

The redemption is a joke. Being willing to do one good thing and then immediately dying isn't redemption. Demanding (or having the romantic lead demand) acceptance immediately after a heel-turn isn't either. Redemption is hard, there's often little room for it in Enemies-to-Lovers, and the story suffers because of it.

I'm not going to say this trope never works, because it absolutely can. This really can be an interesting dynamic if you put your heart into it. In fact, characters that these characters you can look at that do this right include:

Han Solo (aka the Scruffy Rogue, Star Wars)

Listen, Han Solo is always depicted as the ultimate rogue, but he's actually a loser. He was a shitty smuggler who was terrible at his job. His attempts to hit on Leia were laughable. He probably smelled like Wookie most of the time. Han does not start off as a cool, suave character. He thinks he is, and pretty much everyone sees through him.

But Han earns his way by turning back to help the people he barely knows. He uses his own connections to help the rebels, and when that backfires on him, his friends are invested enough to come save his ass because he already risked himself to save theirs. Han starts off a loser and becomes cool by throwing it in with the good guys, even when he'd rather run.

Han works because he lets go of the walls he's built up and allows himself to care and believe in his friends.

Zuko (aka the Actual Redeemed Bad Guy, Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Zuko's bad boy exterior is almost immediately shattered in ATLA. He throws temper tantrums at his uncle. He blows up constantly. Zuko only becomes cool when the narrative changes and we get to know why he is the way he is, but he's still a bad guy. We see him struggle with his anger, and we see him continue to make bad choices. We see his slow journey to something more.

And, most importantly, he almost immediately loses all his cool aura when he joins Team Avatar. He becomes awkward and stilted, because he has to truly humble himself and admit he was wrong. He's no longer the main character of the story, and he has to accept that. He never really regains that cool exterior, but he becomes a more confident, capable person because he's willing to do the right thing.

Zuko works because he's willing to face his trauma, admit his flaws, and work to correct the mistakes he's made.

Catra (aka the REAL Enemies to Lovers, 2018's She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

All ya'll motherfuckers are sleeping on Catra. A villain who remains a villain for most of the series, Catra is fueled by both ambition and anger. She continues to make bad choices, even when she realizes she's wrong. She continues to hold Adora's defection to the good side against her, even when Catra knows she's not doing the right thing. She's manipulative and cruel, but absolutely genuine.

Catra's going to be the most controversial person I add to this list, but I think she's the most critical in the Enemies to Lovers done right. Her deep, personal connection to her love interest is the driving force in her decisions to remain on the bad side. Her conflicted emotions drive her to the brink, and only when she breaks does she realize she's in the wrong.

Catra works because we always know what her motivations are and why she makes the choices she makes, even when they're the wrong ones.

People not on this list are Draco (who never redeemed himself and that was the fucking point) or Kylo Ren (done in by bad writing). You can fix them in fanfiction and hell, that's what it's there for. But you can't really build off of them for your original work, because the building blocks are wrong. You've got to knuckle down and make your bad guy character have real flaws, face real consequences, and be able to humble themselves, or it's just not going to work.

[unknown7s]

Can I just say that I really fucking HATE how the majority of the Arcane fandom praising Season 2 is deeply in the mindset of Piltover in reality? Like, it's not even funny, and I don't know where to begin.

I'll just start with Silco because he's this huge metaphorical character who is clearly written as the embodiment of a long list of sociopolitical agendas in the real world. And before I start, pardon my English, since it's not my first language.

I know y'all in the Anglo-American sphere tend to focus more on classism, inequality and police brutality theme. But the way I see it, THAT and every single dialogue plus the specific word choice of Silco & Sevika literally SCREAMS of postcolonial discourse (I guess F. Fanon is most well-known to y'all) and even some part of M. Foucault's philosophy, etc. I'm writing "etc." because the list will go on forever if I describe all these creepy historical parallels between the depiction of Zaun's internal conflict and what real countries that have been (or still are) colonies went through, and what real colonizer propaganda looked like during that time—like how those characters who fight for the nation's independence are the big bad villain and psychotic monsters who need "redemption arc" therapy, while those who cooperate with the oppressors are the good-hearted familial heroes of this story.

So upon reflection, if this fandom were to be a collective intelligence, we should have asked ourselves, "Is this show truly not problematic for portraying such a character as villainous?" and thus, "Is this show thematically implying far-right propaganda?" even before Season 2 presented us with this insane plot that glamorized the militaristic fascist aristocrat proclaiming martial law as a 'romantic revenge arc'.

But what did the majority of the fandom do since 2022? They were so busy shitting on this dead villain, claiming he has done so much wrong that he doesn't even deserve to be praised as a character. So instead of trying to understand where this character's point of view is coming from, they blindly hate him to the point where they are now fabricating a list of crimes that he didn't even commit, editing false information on the fandom wiki profile.

What's more frustrating to me is that I thought the problem was media illiteracy all along, but oh no, I was being way more optimistic than the reality. Now that I’ve read all these interviews from the showrunner and main writer—Linke and Overton—I get the sense of why Season 2 turned out like that. The more they babble on about this show, the clearer it becomes that they don't even acknowledge how messed up their political views are, which are so far-right. Taking the seemingly-centrist line doesn't make you fair, you're just passively siding with the oppressors. And lesbian sex scene doesn't make this show "progressive", in fact, hiding oppressor fantasy behind a rainbow flag makes it even more treacherous.

So yeah, I think critical voices should be much louder than this, but watching the majority of this fandom neglacting problems only to praise the show? I think my hope for humanity kind of get lost more and more as time passes, lol.

[sarahreesbrennan]

Are all the themes in “in other lands” supposed to be a commentary on something? Or do you just like writing sex scenes between minors, age gaps, and reverse misogyny?

Genuine question.

Ohhh, my dear anon, I don't believe this is a genuine question.

But it does bring up something I've been meaning to talk about. So I'll take the bait.

Firstly. Yes, my work contains a commentary on the world around us. I wonder what I could be doing with the child soldiers being sexually active in their teens (people hook up right after battles), and the age gap relationship ending in the younger one being too mature for the elder. What could I possibly have been attempting when I said 'how absurd gender roles are, when projected onto people we haven't been accustomed by our own society to see that way'? I wasn't being subtle, that's for sure.

Secondly. Yes I do enjoy writing! I think I should, it's my life's work. Am I titillated by my own writing, no - though I think it's fine to be. The sex scenes of In Other Lands aren't especially titillating, to be honest. It is interesting to me how often people sneer at women for writing romance and sex scenes, having 'book boyfriends,' insinuating women writers fancy their own characters. Women having too much immoral fun! Whereas men clearly write about sex for high literary purposes.

… I have to say from my experience of women and men's writing, I haven't found that to be true.

I’m not in this to have an internet argument. Mostly people use bad faith takes to poke at others from the other side of a screen for kicks. But I do know some truly internalise the attitude that writing certain things is wrong, that anyone who makes mistakes must be shunned as impure, and that is a deeply Victorian and restrictive attitude that guarantees unhappiness.

I've become increasingly troubled by the very binary and extreme ways of thinking I see arising on the internet. They come naturally from people being in echo chambers, becoming hostile to differing opinions, and the age-old conundrum of wanting to be good, fearing you aren't, and making the futile effort to be free of sin. It makes me think of Tennyson, who when travelling through Ireland at the time of the Great Famine, said nobody should talk about the 'Irish distress' to him and insisted the window shades of his carriage be shut as he went from castle to castle. So he wouldn't see the bodies. But that didn't make the bodies cease to be.

In Les Mis, Victor Hugo explores why someone might steal, what that means about them and their circumstances, and who they might be - and explores why someone else is made terribly unhappy, and endangers others, through their own too rigid adherence to judgement and condemnation without pity. The story understands both Jean Valjean the thief and Javert the policeman. Javert’s way of thinking is the one that inevitably leads to tragedy.

Depiction isn't endorsement. Depiction is discussion.

Many of my loved ones have had widely varying relationships to and experience of sex (including 'none'). They've felt all different types of ways about it. If writing about them is not permissible, I close them out. I'd much rather a dialogue be open than closed.

I do understand the urge to write what seems right to others. I've been brain-poisoned that way myself. I used to worry so much about my female characters doing the wrong things, because then they'd be justly hated! Then I noted which of my writer friends had people love their female characters the most - and it was the one who wrote their female characters as screwing up massively, making rash and sometimes wrong decisions. Who wrote them as people. Because that's what people do. That's what feels true to readers.

I want my characters to feel true to readers. I want my characters to react in messy ways to imperfect situations. I love fantasy, I love wild action and I love deep thought, and I want to engage. That's what In Other Lands is about. That's even more what Long Live Evil is about. That sexy lady who sashays in to have sexy sex with the hero - what is her deal? Someone who tricks and lies to others - why are they doing that, how did they get so skilled at it? What makes one person cruelly judgemental, and another ignore all boundaries? What makes Carmen Maria Machado describe ‘fictional queer villains’ as ‘by far the most interesting characters’? What irritates people about women having a great time? What attracts us to power, to fiction, and to transgression?

I don’t know the answers to all those questions, but I know I want to explore them. And I know one more thing.

If the moral thing to do is shut people out and shut people up? Count me among the villains.

[metalandmagi]

Romance Anime Starter List

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sick and tired of seeing “Top ___ Best Anime of All Time” lists that are nothing but shounen. So I wanted to put together a list of some romance anime that I consider good “starters” for the genre. Because if I were just now becoming an anime fan, I’d think all there was to offer was shounen action series.

And by “starters” I mean basic stuff that’s not too…out there, and actually involves the characters getting together instead of just harems or using romance as a side plot (sorry Ouran High School Host Club and My Next Life as a Villainess). 

So if you’re new to anime and want stuff that’s not just guys beating the shit out of each other (which is also fun, don’t get me wrong), here are some basics.

Taisho Maiden Fairy Tale- When the pessimistic Tamahiko Shima loses all function in his right arm, his family sends him away to live in the mountains with the cheerful, hard working Yuzuki Tachibana…who was purchased by the Shima family to pay off her family’s debts and basically act as a caretaker/future bride for Tamahiko so they’d never have to deal with him again. It’s a more cheerful version of My Happy Marriage (without the supernatural stuff), except in this one, the guy is the one who has massive self-esteem issues and an abusive family. There are still very serious themes, but ultimately it’s not meant to make you cry every episode. I swear it’s so good, but nobody watched it!

Horimiya- A slice of life in which pretty and popular high school queen bee Hori, finds out her quiet, unassuming classmate Miyamura is hiding piercings and tattoos that could get him expelled. The two gradually find out more about each other and get together in the most realistic way I’ve seen depicted in an anime. It’s also fucking hysterical and genuinely emotional.

Recovery of an MMO Junkie- Another slice of life that focuses on two adults who meet in an MMO game without realizing they also know each other in real life. I don’t want to say much more than that. It’s adorable, and the main character is so relatable it hurts.

Love with Yamada-kun at Level 999- Speaking of MMOs, this is a newer series about Akane Kinoshita, a college first year who’s reeling from a bad break up. In an attempt to get back at her ex, she winds up meeting Akito Yamada, a popular gamer who happens to be in her guild in the MMO they both play at an IRL meetup. The two go from acquaintances to something more as they keep running into each other. Even more relatable main characters and just wholesome relationships all around.

Snow White With The Red Hair- A fantasy in which an apothecary named Shirayuki (meaning, you guessed it, “snow white”) runs away from her home in order to escape becoming the concubine of her town’s prince. While fleeing, she is rescued by Zen, the prince of a neighboring country, and she ends up becoming an herbalist to repay him. It's super cute with some genuinely swoon worthy moments and a couple that just works so well together. I have a habit of comparing this to Akatsuki no Yona, even though the two aren’t really that alike. This is more romance driven while Akatsuki no Yona is more of a serious historical fantasy with romance elements (Yona manga is amazing, but the anime barely scratches the surface, so that’s why I didn’t include it).

Sasaki to Miyano- When the shy, easily flustered Miyano meets Sasaki, a cool “delinquent” upperclassmen, the two end up bonding over manga…specifically BL manga. That’s right, Miyano is a fudanshi, but due to his small stature and somewhat feminine appearance, he’s constantly trying to convince others that he’s not interested in having his own love story where he’d be reduced to a stereotypical doe-eyed uke. But as Sasaki and Miyano spend more time together, they realize that what they have is more than friendship, and they have to come to terms with their own perception of gay relationships. This is my favorite romance of all time. It’s a slow burn, but boy is it worth it. Their relationship is so natural and realistic, just like Horimiya. Just two people hanging out and bonding over things the way people do in real life!

Given: The story of some boys in a band with trauma. Enough said. It's great. Go watch it.

Bloom Into You- Yuu Koito is a high school girl who’s been waiting her whole life for her own perfect romance to start…but when she receives a confession, she realizes she doesn’t know how to respond when she’s just not into the guy. And then she gets another confession…this time from the cool student council president Touko Nanami, who basically jumpstarts her lesbian awakening. Very cute story about how we perceive the concept of love vs actually feeling it. Also has a canonically aro/ace side character, so that’s a win for me. Another show like this is Adachi to Shimamura (but I honestly don’t remember much about it. It just didn’t stick with me as much).

Ore Monogatari- Takeo Gouda is a tall, bulky high school first year with a sensitive heart of gold. He wants nothing more than to find his own true love, but most girls are intimidated by his enormous stature, and they end up falling for his conventionally attractive friend instead. That is, until he meets the tiny, adorable Rinko Yamato. He falls in love instantly, but he’s sure she’s interested in his best friend like everyone else, so he vows to help get them together, even though his heart is breaking. Peak himbo behavior. Pure of heart, dumb of ass.

Yuri on Ice- Yes it’s the gay figure skating anime everyone knows. And yes it’s a fucking romance, okay? I will die on this hill. The romance between Viktor and Yuri is just as important as the plot!

Kaguya-sama Love Is War- Two insanely smart high school students both have a crush on the other, but since they’re…you know…high schoolers, neither of them wants to admit it first. So they come up with increasingly convoluted plans to get the other to confess first. This will go down as one of the best of all time. It’s a hilarious yet poignant modern classic.

Fruits Basket- I’ve talked about it before and I’ll talk about it again. A romance “comedy” that slowly morphs into a drama about a girl named Tohru who finds herself living with the mysterious Sohma family after her mother dies. Little does she know, the Sohmas are the victims of a  (somewhat silly, but ultimately tragic) curse that she must fight to break. Even though I’m more into it for the family drama, the romance is still top tier and plays an important role in the story. This is my second favorite anime of all time, and it’s a classic for a reason. If anyone hasn’t watched it yet, GO WATCH IT! IT WILL RIP YOU TO SHREDS!

Blue Box- A sports romance about an aspiring badminton player named Taiki Inomata who has a massive crush on the girls basketball team's star player Chinatsu Kano. Through a twist of fate, the two end up living together and having to hide it from the rest of their classmates, all while Taiki tries to work up the courage to ask Chinatsu out. It's so sweet and wholesome, and it's a great blend of sports anime and romance that can appeal to anyone who is more hesitant to get into the romance genre. The animation is also so freaking gorgeous!!!!

Insomniacs After School- A slice of life/drama that follow two high schoolers with insomnia who meet and form a connection while using their school's abandoned astronomy club room to sleep during the day. They soon find themselves spending more and more time together and bonding over their personal issues. I don't want to say too much, because there are a few spoilers that heighten the stakes of their relationship, but the characters are so great. They're fun and realistic without being annoying. And the show is mostly chill, but it definitely builds the drama by the end.

365 Days To The Wedding- A workplace romance between the two most awkward people you could possibly imagine! The story takes place at a travel company that is about to open a new branch in Alaska, but because our two main characters are...like I said...very awkward, they come up with a plan to avoid being sent to work at the new branch...by telling their boss they're getting married. Because they wouldn't want to split up a married couple by making one move away, right? As ridiculous as the premise sounds, hilarious shenanigans ensue, but there's also a surprising amount of serious discussions about romance and marriage. The main characters also have major autism coding, so if you're looking for a neurodivergent romance, this is it. (There's also an episode that involves a princess wanting to give up the throne to pursue a life with her girlfriend!)

And now for some honorable mentions that didn't quite fit into the regular list:

Ride Your Wave- A movie about a surfer who falls in love with a firefighter……and I’m not going to say any more than that. Go into it blind. If you like stuff like Your Name, this is a good one to watch.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun- A comedy about a high school girl who finds out the upperclassman she has a crush on is actually a shoujo manga artist, and no matter how she tries to confess to him, he just never gets it.

The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague- A slow burn slice of life that focuses on a guy with ice powers who has a crush on his coworker. That’s it. That’s the show. When I say slow, I mean SLOW. It’s perfectly cute and fluffy, but my god does it take forever to get anywhere with these two.

Skip to Loafer- A high strung, small town girl decides to go to high school in Tokyo, where she meets a variety of classmates, including the laid back Sousuke Shima. The unlikely pair become friends, and soon enough, she starts to feel something more than friendship. The only reason I didn’t include it in the main list is because they don’t get together by the end of the first season, but it’s still really cute (also canonically trans character for the win!?)

So that’s my starter list. And no, I didn’t include Toradora, even though it’s a classic. I know it’s blasphemous, but I like it more as a comedy than a romance. It kinda lost me with the ending. But anyway, maybe someone will find something they like. Or maybe you'll just want to roast me and my picks 😅

[uncannydevotion]

a/n: this is kinda based on my creepypasta boyfriend scenarios that i sorta abandoned after quotev died fgdjksfgs i miss it but it's kinda bad so i might just start over one day. idk. anyways bc of tht it'll include all the characters i had in tht story so <3 this is gonna be pretty short btw!!

includes: slenderman, jeff the killer, eyeless jack, homicidal liu, the bloody painter, and brian thomas.

warnings: mentions of injuries nd murder in slender's part, thoughts of harm against reader in both jeff and ej's parts, depictions of murder in jeff's part, cannibalism in ej's part, i can't think of any warnings for liu nd helen, post-mh canon that im making up for brian where he lives, some vague depictions of the sickness in brian's part.

SLENDERMAN

Truth be told, Slender found itself feeling very confused after its encounter with you. It isn't sure if it has ever met a human that didn't flee at the mere sight of it. Even after all the static it forced upon you, you wanted to help it.

Not that it needed your help, really. It was used to people trying to hunt it. No human would ever be able to kill it, even if it did end up getting injured.

A mild injury, at that, but one you tended to nonetheless. Like it was a normal person. Like it couldn't tear you apart in the blink of an eye if it so desired.

And the weirdest thing is...

Slender doesn't want to kill you.

It was never fond of people trespassing in its forest, truthfully. Humans were annoying creatures. Expendable ones, at that. But you're the first one to ever worry about it. It found that to be interesting.

And it rarely ever found a human interesting. Perhaps that's why it didn't have any interest in killing you. Rather, it wanted to study you. Surely there must be something wrong with you to not be afraid of it, right?

Something it could exploit, something it could use to break you down and turn you into another proxy.

Hm...

Why does the thought of you becoming its proxy make it feel strange? How... interesting. Annoying, even. A feeling it wishes to study further, given the opportunity.

When it no longer felt your presence in the forest, Slender found itself hoping to meet you again soon. Preferably when there's not someone trying, and failing, to kill it.

JEFF THE KILLER

Jeff was feeling pretty damn frustrated, to say the least. He'd been eyeing you for weeks, planning out the perfect time and perfect way to carve you up so you'd end up on the news. He was never supposed to interact with you.

But then some drunk bastard had to get all up in your business on your walk home, and he was not going to risk some other guy killing you before he got the chance to.

Even worse, Jeff had given you his name. All because of your damn frown when he had tried to ignore you.

What the fuck was wrong with him!?

Really, the only way to vent his anger and frustration was by brutally murdering the man who had harassed you.

But even as the blood stained his clothes and his hands, you never left his mind. You, and your stupid fucking smile, and your stupid gratitude.

He knows you're not an idiot. You know that he's been watching you for a while now, and yet you spoke to him so easily. You thanked him like he was someone who deserved it. Maybe you were an idiot, actually.

The knife sunk into the drunkard's chest, and Jeff sighs in mild annoyance when he realizes the man had finally died.

It all ended far too quickly for his liking, and it looks like he went a little overboard this time.

This was all your fault.

He needed to see the life leave your eyes. Maybe then this annoying feeling in his chest will go away, and you'll finally leave his thoughts.

EYELESS JACK

Jack was feeling rather pleased with himself.

When he entered that neighborhood tonight in search for some dinner, he had made a pretty decent meal out of some guy. He was still feeling pretty hungry by the time he had finished, so it felt like fate when a light shined through the window and illuminated him.

He met your gaze across the street from the safety of your own home, blood staining his hands as he lowered the mans lung from his mouth.

You'd be his next meal, he decides.

And as soon as you looked away from the window, Jack was discarding his forgotten dinner and sneaking his way across the street to your home. It wasn't hard breaking in, your window to your bedroom having been cracked open.

It didn't take him long to find you either, sitting in your kitchen staring at your coffee machine, looking as if you were going to fall asleep right then and there.

You had acted so calm at the sight of him, and it didn't take him long to realize that you thought you were hallucinating from some form of sleep deprivation.

So, obviously, he was going to use that to his advantage. He asked to eat you, and you had agreed. Well, you set some conditions. Something about being on your deathbed. That's neither here nor there.

All he cared about was the fact that he was going to be able to make a meal out of you in the future, he just had to wait for you to drop dead.

He'll make sure to pay a visit to you again soon, to keep you healthy. He wants you to taste good, after all.

HOMICIDAL LIU

As soon as you left Liu alone in the church, he could practically feel the excitement coming from Sully, the man basically crowding his mind asking if they'd see you again soon.

He's not sure what you did, but you certainly made a lasting impression on his alter. Which was shocking, in all honesty, because there's not many things that can keep Sully's attention.

Maybe that's why you were still alive. He can't remember a single time Sully spared someone, even if it meant getting his ass beat and leaving Liu to tend to the wounds.

Of course, just the fact that you had tried to kill him left Liu with many questions. You seemed... trained. Like a professional, almost. Sorta like a hitman, honestly. Which made him wonder... did someone put a hit on him?

Crazy line of thought, honestly, but given the way his life has turned out, it's not all that shocking.

Sully is the one who comes up with the idea of searching for you. If you were a hitman, then they could employ you to help find Jeff.

And while Liu didn't like the idea of getting an outsider involved in his... family drama, if that's what you want to call it, it wasn't a bad idea. He had reached a dead end, so an extra set of eyes could be useful.

And lucky for Liu, he was pretty good at tracking people down. He'd see you again in no time, surely.

THE BLOODY PAINTER

Helen had joined this art class mostly out of boredom. He didn't need anyone to teach him how to draw, he just... needed something to do when he wasn't searching for a new person to make a project out of.

Honestly, a few weeks into joining the class, he had considered dropping out. But then you showed up, and you started interacting with him.

It was never anything major, just a small greeting every time you crossed paths. It was enough to make Helen aware of you, and that was enough to draw him in.

He knew you weren't interested in art. You were probably only there out of boredom as well. You rarely ever tried when it came to drawing, but he could see the potential in you.

So when the teacher of the class presented an optional project to participate in, Helen was already getting up from his seat to ask you to be his partner in this project.

He didn't need you to draw, he just needed you to be his model.

Not to mention you were the only person in this whole class that he felt remotely comfortable working with. The other people who attended this class were all... reminders.

They made him think of people he'd rather not think about.

But you were different. Special.

He'd make sure to paint you the perfect portrait.

BRIAN THOMAS

Brian was completely out of it when he had first met you, honestly. He was still trying to process that fact that he was alive, somehow. Memories of his death making his head pound, confusion the only thing he can feel other than pure and utter nausea.

Truth be told, a part of him thinks you're someone he conjured up in his mind to keep himself alive a little longer.

It's not until he takes a long shower and pops some pain meds that he's able to gather some of his thoughts and come to terms with the fact that you were one, very real, and two, he was... far away from home.

He's not even sure what town he was in right now, let alone what state. All he knew was that he had been taken to some shitty motel by someone who probably should've dragged his ass to a hospital instead.

And when Brian no longer felt like he was going to die from the world's worst migraine, he found himself revisiting the place you had found him.

Some abandoned and overgrown park in the forest bordering this weird town where the locals pretended he didn't exist.

Partly because it was the only secluded place he could think of where he could look through footage on the camera he had been carrying with him for some reason.

But mostly because he wanted to see you again. To thank you for helping him out when you had.

Not to be dramatic, but he probably would've actually died if you hadn't been there, so.

[sloanout]

The bad rap Taash and veilguard as a whole get remains equal parts confusing and frustrating to me. It's one thing to see culture war chuds seething over woke or whatever, but really I expected better from Tumblr of all places. Whether or not you enjoyed DA:tV, it is objectively an incredibly inclusive game that did a lot more for representation across the board than most titles, and trying to debate that fact or tear it down because it didn't do its representation exactly to the letter of how you wanted it is, straightforwardly, poisonous to the fight for diversity in gaming as a whole. Call me dramatic, but every time you act like a spoiled child and pitch a bitch fit over a nonbinary or trans character not being exactly what you wanted, you are actively hurting your own cause. You don't have to like Taash, but if you care about the community it's the least you can do to restrain yourself from posting freezing cold, Steven Universe discourse level takes about how they are actually "harmful" or would have "put you back in the closet".

Here's the tough truth about portraying nonbinary and trans perspectives in media: these identities are not a monolith. Nonbinary, as a whole, is not a secret third gender with its own set of trappings, it's a wide, wide label that means many different things to many different people. That you can look at an nb character written by a nb person and say "they did it wrong" with your whole chest speaks more to your own limited viewpoint and disconnection from the greater queer community than it does to the actual quality of the character.

The impossible challenge that creators face when their writing hits fandom spaces is that people want many different things from art. I've seen people adamant that the correct and most helpful way to do rep is to have a character turn directly to the camera and say "I am transgender" and then have that part of their identity explored for the next 300 pages. I have also seen people, just as adamant and righteous as the first, claim that representation is best and most correctly done when queerness is an incidental background detail in the same vein as hair color or favorite food. The truth is that neither of these perspectives, nor any in-between is inherently more or less correct than the other. Different people will want different things, because at the end of the day different people have different experiences with their queerness and would like to see that reflected in the things they love.

The only real way to be incorrect here is to malign and defame a story for daring to depict something outside of your particular experience - as I see many people do with Taash. I had to read with my own eyes a post about how their romance with Harding is predatory or some shit and that it reflects poorly on the nb community. Quick question: could you please go do your moral crusade about 50 Shades of Grey or some other piece of work so I don't have to see it? You help no one with this hyperbolic bullshit. The only thing you're doing is handing the worst people in this world further unsubstantiated ammo for casting genderqueer people as inherently sexually abusive. Think for a second about who and what you sound like for the love of God. Taash and Harding are both into what happens on screen, your weird moral panic is your own problem. Once again, you don't have to like it, but please do not try to frame something as ontologically evil and harmful to the community because it doesn't suit your tastes.

Taash is fine nonbinary rep. As a nonbinary person, especially one who is afab and spent most of my life feeling a bit out of place and uncomfortable with what the world expected of me, I think it's just right. They managed to represent me. Sorry that it didn't get to be your experience that got put in the game, but it's impossible to tell every single queer story at once. If you really give a shit about the community, celebrate the wins of your fellows, not just your own.

And the sad thing is, I see two big 'critiques' about Taash's questline - either that it's all about their gender identity, or that it doesn't explore their gender identity enough. Sometimes I see these takes in the same post and I can only imagine what sort of doublethink Koolaid the culture war nonsense has gotten you to drink. Taash's gender is front and center, and that's great! But it's a part of a larger story - a story about a difficult family relationship. Taash's story is about the ebb and flow of their relationship with their mother more than anything else, and to be honest? It's one of the best in the series.

Family drama has been a mainstay of Dragon Age - you have Hawke's personal tragedy in DA2, Dorian's alienation over his identity and beliefs in Inquisition, and hell, Morrigan throughout the series tends to be more tied up with family dynamics than anything else. Taash is the continuation of that tradition, and I love what they have. The binary choice at the end is pretty weak and downright misunderstands the experience of being mixed race, but the dynamic between Taash and Shathann is fantastic. It's pained and restrained in such a realistic way, two people struggling with the old and new who dearly care about each other but can never seem to see eye to eye, and end up falling back on their worst vices - anger for Taash, and discipline for Shathann.

Veilguard has a tendency to pull its punches and make everyone a bit too chipper and chill, that's a legitimate criticism given the series' history, but I was deeply struck by how unforgiving Shathann's death was. It was really, unrelentingly realistic - life happened, and Taash never got the chance to sort out their relationship with her. They didn't get to reconcile or ever see eye to eye. Despite spending most of their screen time together bitter and simmering, Taash is so devastated by their mother's death that you have to pull them out of certain death. It was cathartic and brutal for me, a nb person who has had a really really poor relationship with my mother in the past, it made me go plan a lunch with her because I was so grateful that things didn't end like that for us, that I did get the time to work through it.

And sure, you can accuse me of going easy on Taash because their story resonated with me - but isn't that what a story is supposed to do? Reflect the real and sincere, evoke emotion in the audience and crystalize experience and feeling on the stage? Isn't that proof of its value?

At the end of the day, representation has no single golden standard. The only real end goal is to be represented at all - not only by shining heroes and perfectly squeaky clean moralists, but also by characters who are just as human and fallible as the real life people they draw from. Taash succeeds there, and I think they deserve a lot more love and grace than many in the fandom want to show them. If you still want to slander Taash as harmful or bad, why don't you call me that too? Why not call every non binary person who fails to meet your rigid standards evil and degenerate while you're at it? See how much of a community you're left with, and who the ghouls cheering for you actually are.

[flyingwargle]

may fanfic recs!

some of these fics are rated e!

sakuatsu

The Hard Stuff e. 6.5k. the premise is sakusa wants to give atsumu a bj but it's more than that - it's a relationship study about boundaries and reciprocating for one another. a really wonderful read!

a star in the face of the sky (or, PROJECT: HOW TO GET ATSUMU A BOYFRIEND) t. 7.7k. atsumu admits to osamu that he's finally going to chase after his long-time crush and osamu, the one in an actual relationship, gives him a list of steps on how to do it. very cute read!

i got you (all figured out) t. 10.1k. bokuto is the team's big brother and when said big brother gets sick, who has to care for him? sakuatsu (and hinata). fun dynamics and dialogue, and of course, the confession is absolutely worth it.

the rhyming of the rain e. 25.8k. sakusa has been pining for atsumu since high school but never did anything about it, especially after atsumu gets a boyfriend. the pining is so, so strong in here. sakusa is so whipped for him, it makes you feel like you're not good enough for atsumu. (there's only one nsfw scene if that isn't your cup of tea but interested in the pining!)

over the edge of my bones m. 47.9k. 5/5. single dad atsumu with softy omi is an agenda you need to experience at least twice in your life, and the prose is absolutely immaculate. hikaru is a treasure that deserves to be protected.

iwaoi

Red, red, red t. 4.2k. at a sleepover, a survey is conducted on which seijoh player everyone would date. everyone chooses iwaizumi, and only one person chooses oikawa. i wonder who did 👀

Circle of life t. 6.8k. iwa vs. buying pads for his daughter. i love girldads, especially girldads who'll do anything for their girl, like buying pads. made me nostalgic about my own experience when it happened to me.

tooru and hajime (and ushiwaka) go on vacation t. 8.6k. oikawa and iwa go on vacation and somehow, ushijima is there as well. very funny, and very fluffy.

tejano blue g. 12.4k. you have not read godly setting description until you've read this fic. it's iwaoi at the beach and iwa being utterly in love with oikawa. what's not to love? (this fic is part of a series but i believe you can read them separate, as i've only read tattoo your name across my heart so far and you should, too!)

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle t. 66.3k. 3/3. it took me a long time to start this fic because of the word count-chapter ratio (i have a lot to say about word count-chapter ratios) but i went for it and i. do not. regret it. this focuses on oikawa as an entomologist reconnecting with iwa, pro volleyball player, after his marriage is called off. lots of bug imagery and symbolism, depictions of parental expectations, and top-class pining. highly recommended.

bokuaka

Behind Bricks e. 60.4k. 14/14. au where akaashi works as an escort and falls head over heels with bokuto. akaashi is so self-sacrificing in this fic, and his gradual acceptance that he can be loved is so, so satisfying. also, it's deathbelle. you cannot go wrong with deathbelle, ever.

sun, duck, and silence t. 61.6k. 5/5. THE PROSE IS IMMACULATE. lots of loving side characters, amazing akaashi character development, with a touch of magical realism. the result is this beautiful fic.

kagehina

promises to keep t. 4.5k. for kageyama's birthday, hinata makes a bunch of coupons for him to use. incredibly cute premise and increasingly fluffy prose. be prepared for your teeth to rot.

can’t help (helping you) t. 7.7k. college au where hinata and kageyama compete to see who'll score higher on their final exam, except they help each other out and discover something else about their affections along the way.

waking up with you m. 8k. hinata wakes up naked next to kageyama and they didn't actually sleep together and he forgot, right...? kageyama agrees. until their teammates tell them otherwise. absolutely hilarious with top-notch dialogue.

plain as day t. 9.3k. in which kageyama notices hinata and continues to notice him over the years. i just loved the flow of this fic, all the different ways affection are explored, and kagehina getting together. very cute (can you see the trend where i like cute kagehina fics)

The Subtle Art of Getting Caught t. 83.7k. 11/11. thank you to @sorainhere for the rec! this was so damn cute to read - following kagehina's journey from high school through adulthood and retirement was so, so satisfying and fluffy. one of my favorites <3

other

denial t. 4.8k. 4 times tsukishima denies he cares about his teammates and 1 time he's called out for it. i just enjoy reading about the salty dinosaur showing he cares, even if he doesn't think he does.

Administer Mouth to Mouth m. 10.5k. sunaosa. au where osamu falls head over heels for suna, the sleepy receptionist at atsumu's gym. as someone who goes to the gym, i find these fics fun to read, and the dynamics are also hilarious.

a captain, a corner, and a parisian chocolate shop not rated. 10.8k. ushiten. ushijima (and nearly all of the jnt) visit a particular chocolate shop in paris during the olympics to help ushijima make a move on the redheaded chocolatier. very funny and cute!

Song of the Fireflies g. 17.7k. this is written by the same writer as Below Destiny, an ennoshita character study i very much enjoyed, and this is (not related) a tsukishima character study. it explores his arc during the tokyo training camp very well, and it reminded me a lot of my own mindset when i played sports (very brief but memorable). give this a read if you're a tsukki fan!

[goomyloid]

Can you tell me about your dt player. Since from the way you portray them they aren’t meant to be you. Kinda your oc in a way huh. It’s a cool depiction so that’s why I’m curious.

well today is your lucky day because i literally just filled out this chart right before answering this:

basically my version of them is thoroughly mentally disconnected from all consequences, because everything is just a game to them.

apathetic with only the desire to see what happens, and what becomes of kris and noelle (in the weird route). They always just barely have the upper hand; if things don't proceed down a certain path (i.e. aborted weird route or something) it's only because they allowed for it to happen. kris is very smart, but 'our' knowledge just objectively surpasses theirs in every way. for the most part.

i guess if i had to describe them as a real-life player, it would be the kind of person that plays all the routes without feeling bad about it, someone that somehow doesnt feel as though they're entirely to blame for the story going this way. (they taunt kris over this, maybe just to pick at their brain to get a look of how they're feeling about all of this.)

after all, deltarune is a game. it's meant to be played, it's only natural that people will want to pick it apart inside and out with its level of popularity. nothing should make a player feel bad about playing the game that they bought and spent time on.

regardless of one's investment in the characters, the world is simply not real to us. but in terms of vessel specifically talking to kris or something, it's not like THEY'RE the one saying "kris you're not real lol" or anything like that, it's more so their existence as a 'watcher' of sorts outside the bounds of comprehensible reality renders them in a similar position as us, someone in control and free from any consequences (presumably), letting kris and co. take the brunt of all your wrongdoings.

there's all of that, but i also like to portray them as being more on the extreme side, going as far as to treat characters fictional even when said character is standing right in front of them.

the 'commodification' of noelle plays into this a lot i think. we haven't seen it much in game so far, but we get the implied player attachment to her via treating kris as a self-insert of sorts just so you can get weirdly, creepily close to and controlling over noelle. it comes off more as vessel only wanting to be close to noelle and kind of discarding kris, just like they once were (lol).

the player's funny little fixation on noelle definitely throws a wrench in things kris-and-noelle-relationship wise, because this Thing is masquerading as kris, and noelle (and maybe toriel to a degree) is the only person able to tell something's wrong. it's almost like Hikaru Ga Shinda Natsu in a way -- your friend has been replaced, and you're the only person to notice just because you know them so well. it comes down to noelle's heart and ability to see through whatever vessel throws at her, if she'll be able to reach her hand out and save kris from sinking away before it's too late.

ummm. im getting off track. got too krisellepilled for a sec. VESSEL. i'm definitely not immune to portraying them more lightheartedly sometimes, but when I do that, it's usually in game, more so showing up as the soul instead lol

they're still sarcastic and blunt and weird, but at least they're not crazy destructive and sociopathic. gotta tone it down for the sillies

anyway i think thats all i can think of to say at the moment, if i think of something else big i might add it in a reblog, idk lol. thank you for asking, sorry about the long post!

[silverhypnos]

Unpopular Spider Opinion

Chrollo and the rest of the Spiders don't actually like the scarlet eyes as a valuable item.

I see so many fanarts of Chrollo admiring the scarlet eyes but I honestly think the canon Chrollo doesn't even like them. It's not just because of the backstory of Sarasa's dismembered body.

There are a lot of hints throughout the manga and anime that actually imply their lack of interest.

Other than nen, usually when it came to things the spiders were interested in were material goods that could be used. Books, Games, food, etc. We never really see them show any interest in objects that are "pretty to look at"

Since most of them are from Meteor City, it's kind of hard to imagine them enjoying the luxury of something that is just aesthetic. I think people imagine Chrollo as different from his friends as someone who could potentially enjoy that kind of luxury, but I also think the main reason why people feel that way is partly due to how other characters describe him. Mainly how Hisoka, a character that was confirmed to be a fickle pathological liar described him. I'm a firm believer that Hisoka was purposely twisting his description of Chrollo to convince Kurapika that teaming up was the only rational solution. We know the "The spider won't stop moving until the head is crushed" is a lie. So why are the fandom so convinced that everything else must be true? Hisoka described Chrollo as someone who admires everything he steals and then gets bored of it and sells it off. Funny, we never get to see him admire any of the merchandise that the Spider's successfully steals. Everyone chooses to celebrate instead and we see him sitting on the boxed merchandise as if it were a stool and drinking beer.

Later when the Spiders finally made the connection that the Chain User was probably a survivor of the Kurta clan. Remember what Chrollo asked?

Chrollo, a man who is constantly depicted as an admirer of the scarlet eyes by the fandom had NO IDEA if the scarlet eyes were even being sold in the first place. "But it could be easy to forget with all that merchandise!!"

Sure, but the scarlet eyes were the LAST ITEM that got sold off. The only person who remembers is Kortopi because he had to use his Nen.

Usually, people will remember the first and last item unless they personally don't give a shit about it. Heck, Pakunoda was ON STAGE, and even she didn't say anything. (Granted Pakunoda does show a reluctance to speak her mind sometimes but still.)

I honestly don't think any of the Spiders, including Chrollo give a shit about the scarlet eyes. Their backstory and their behavior during the YorkShin arc only reinforce that. Is it possible that five years ago, Chrollo might have been interested when they killed the Kurta clan, (assuming the Togashi isn't trying to pull a plot twist on us and reveal a different culprit) Sure, it's possible. But it sounds like it's unlikely he'd be interested in them for that long, why obsess over a pair of eyeballs when there is a good book right over there? Don't get me wrong, I get the artistic appeal, and I assume MOST of the artists are doing it for the artistic appeal rather than if it feels canon based on the source material. But I wanted to share my opinion because I rarely see this kind of take. Usually, people depict Chrollo as being obsessed with Kurapika even though he really isn't. Kurapika is the one who is obsessed with killing the Spiders (For good reasons) but the obsession isn't mutual.

[aurmisery]

confessions unheard: sickening sweetness.

a ronin b. x gn! reader for 'My Fallen Valentine's.'

okay as you can guess this is going to be ronin x reader ! hope i did this prompt correctly? i just thought of really sweet (unhinged even) fluff.

cw // depictions of gore and viscera, this is ronin we're talking about LMFAO, violence, references to cat-calling/sexual harassment, drinking,

-and i'm sure that's it!

sorry if this is ooc, since this is supposed to be sweet n shit i tried making him more of a loser and uncharacteristically in love??? also i don't even know if he drinks and im sure it's probably not canon for him to be feinin this much 😭

idrk if i have a good grip on his character n all but i tried my best!! sorry for all the filler in this lol

good luck to everyone else participating!

(FUCKING FINALLY I GOT ALL THE WORDS BACK PLUS MORE!?! ENJOY!!!!! and if there's any errors....just ignore it...for my sake...)

word count: 5723 ❤️

something's...wrong, with ronin.

well- you technically could say that out of context and nothing would change, but no, something is terribly wrong with him. and surprisingly, it's not the fact that he's a serial killer with a kill count that rises practically everyday, nor is it the human remains aligning his shelves.

he's been out of it lately. constantly pacing around the reds and blacks of his room, all the while being more...fidgety than usual, unable to focus or parade his regular devil-may-care attitude around.

this is really fucking weird for him; ronin beaufort is the devil, and the devil doesn't change. he remains in the darkest pits of hell and slaps his knee at the idea of it, even.

he's unchanging, eternal, his punishment being no different.

so why couldn't he focus on his damn job and get this fucking filter replaced?

sweat beads down his forehead, grease coating his arms as he strained his neck further beneath the car, wrist flicking with each turn on the drain bolt and eventually...

it loosens, crust fluttering from the grooves of the screw, and the must of... whatever the hell's been sitting in this person's tank slowly infiltrating his nose.

it didn't have the strong petroleum scent, none of the chemical sharpness, and it didn't snake up his nose like new oil did either-

it smelled charred. ashy, even, and the must was evident as he turned the bolt and it did the rest of the work, a thick, almost black sludge filtering out of the tank and all over the concrete ground with a wet thud.

lacking a quick reaction, ronin's brows knitted low, letting a small 'fuck,' pass by his lips as he turned and reached around for wherever the hell he laid the oil catch pan.

he forgot to put it under the plug...somehow.

he's been forgetting to do a lot of things recently, matter of fact.

he shoves the thought down. he probably just needs to stop staring at a screen as soon as he comes home and get more rest, yeah, that's it.

speaking of a screen, when did you last text him? actually, when's the last time you two have held a conversation?

he slides the pan from beside him underneath the gunk-spewing tank, rolling from under the car and grabbing his tools and such off the ground, running his nails through the tips of his low ponytail.

...maybe he should check his phone.

it wouldn't hurt, just to see if there's a notification from you. he did get your number, finally. took a bit of convincing and some back-and-forth before you slid it, but now he has one of his best friends at his fingertips.

best...friends.

the collocation doesn't really fit with you, or at least the image he has of you. sure, you're his friend, a damn good one at that, and if he were to use it the way a normal person would, he would definitely call you his best friend.

but it doesn't feel right for him to call you that.

it's not like you're undeserving of the title, but it just doesn't fit with you. should he create a nice little title for ya?

he grins at the idea, and doesn't seem to notice the blackened oil trickling over his knuckles as he fumbles with his password.

you two are like... peanut butter and jelly? nah, overused, and stupidly corny. you two are like...thelma and louise! ehhh, he's not feeling it. cool reference, but maybe there's something else buried in that skull of his.

he leans against the car door, finally wiping his hand over the thin material of one of his plain work shirts. you can't really wear anything cool when you're working as a mechanic, after all.

tom and jerry? you two do bicker a lot. eh, not enough, also doesn't have that ring to it. bonnie and clyde? hard maybe, it'd be perfect if it was more platonic, besides, you two are just friends anyway.

friends- ugh, he cringes at that. he can't just dilute his partner in crime to a...friend.

naming you his partner in crime is very basic, but considering the underlying context between you two, it's rather fitting, right?

yeah, you're his partner in crime. plus, it doubles as a Set It Off reference in a way. fitting, veeeery fitting, actually.

"yo, beaufort! i'mma need this area in about 2 to 3, you finishin' up over there?"

a burly voice calls out- presumably one of his coworkers, and the twist in ronin's lips gives out- no notification from you.

he types out a quick message to you: 'still Alive?' as he slides his phone back onto the work table, he'll check it later- and only when he's done with this stupid replacement.

he lowers himself onto his creeper, rolling underneath the car whilst pulling the sludge-filled tin from underneath the ink-smeared tank and flushing the rest of the old oil out.

he grabs a wrench, tapping the rust and burnt oil from the plug and screwing it right back to its rightful place. he can do this quick, he's done this hundreds of times before, what's one more?

he's taking out the old tank when a high pitched chime rings out from his work table, his notifications alerting him of a new message.

weirdly enough, his motions freeze on cue and he's about to stand up and check it like it was instinct. but- well, he was still under the car.

a sharp, hollow crack rang through the garage as his head met the steel frame above him. a curse shot from his lips, low and snarled as the pain bloomed across his skull. eyes squeezed shut, he gritted his teeth, pressing a palm against the fresh ache.

for a moment he just...laid there, letting his arms fall flat on the concrete below him, exhaling through his nose and letting the pain settle before daring to move again.

what the hell's wrong with him? he told himself that he wasn't going to check his phone 'till he's done with this, and this is one of the easiest things to do in this field! why is it taking him this long?

through his wavering vision, he could spot two muddied boots slinking besides the car he's under, before they creased and the person sunk into a crouch.

"you okay there, kid?"

ronin rolled his eyes- 'kid', only one or two people here call him that, and the baritone of his voice paired with those boots must mean that the manager was doing his rounds and decided to check in on him.

"'m fine, just layin' on the concrete 'cause i wanna."

a thick rumble reminisce of a chuckle reins deep from the gut of the older man, before he cleared his throat and reached a gloved hand out underneath the car.

"need an ice pack?"

he eyed it- could help if there's any possibility of a bruise or a welt showing up, but as ronin ran a hand down his face, he gave a shake of his head.

it doesn't really hurt that badly anymore.

"nah, thanks though. just...lemme finish this and i'll be on my way out."

a grunt followed, the gloved hand retracting from under the car, and the raggedy pair of boots turned out of view.

alright, fuck it- let's just get this over with.

.

.

.

with a quick brush of his hands, ronin came out to the front, tapping on one of the various workers and letting them know that he was clocking out for the day.

slinging his bag over his arm, he was met with a calloused palm fixed onto his shoulder blade. he turns, and yep- the big guy.

"get some rest, you seem off your game."

the grouch's voice was unusually sincere, and it almost made ronin's gaze soften before the older man gave him an overly enthusiastic tussle of the hair.

"you're still young. sleep is important for you."

he's eyeing the light bags beneath his eyes and ronin could tell, but he only shrugged and gave a sloppy salute in return.

"yeah yeah, no kiddin', i'll be on my 'best' behavior next time. see ya later, old timer."

the gruff man stiffly nodded, immediately disappearing into the busy background as ronin turned and headed for the door.

as soon as the bell overhead chimed, he padded in his passcode and opened his messenger app, pleased to see the '3' icon bubbled besides your nickname.

[writer Darlin']

-'Sadly, my heart is still beating 😭'

-'agent's on my ass so I've been writing another piece for as long as I can whilst the hype is still high'

-'wouldja put me outta my misery?'

and there comes that feeling again, the staticky unease that bleeds into his cheeks, that flows in his chest and even shows through the light tremble of his fingers.

and then the obnoxious twist of his lips, the smile that weaves itself thick and heavy on his lower jaw that he can't seem to rip off, and he steps a bit slower through the sidewalk.

-'nah, i think I'll let ya Suffer a bit longer...'

-'besides, what's a devil to do Without entertainment?'

at this rate, you're probably rolling your eyes out of your own skull because of him, and he'd want nothing less.

[writer Darlin']

-'damn, cruel. shouldn't have expected the devil to be my savior anyway, guess I'll have to ask a sweetheart like Angel to smite me instead of your lame ass 🙄'

as soon as your reply dropped, he responded. no, not out of jealousy or anything stupid like that, but c'mon, be honest with yourself.

-'you've already got Lucifer himself staring over your shoulder, don'tcha think you're being selfish by hoarding all of the Divine power?'

he knows he's being a little shit, but that's just how he is when it comes to his best buds.

he's scrolling through your previous text messages, and it's enough to put a strain over his heartstrings. it's always a dance with you, and he wouldn't have it any other w-

...he nearly walks into a street light.

awkwardly shoving his phone back into his pocket, he decided to worry about getting home alive without some random slip-up ending in his death or worse.

yikes- yeah, he just needs a good kill and a few more hours of rest, and everything will go back to normal. that's all he needs.

...did you respond to his text yet?

.

.

.

maybe ronin was back to his usual self, because after going home and cleaning up, he felt like a new man.

it could've just been ridding himself of the grease and powder from his workplace, or maybe it was the thrill seeping its way back into his bones as he ran a finger over the cold, heavy iron of his crowbar.

changing back into his usual aesthetic helped too, reds and blacks with accents of silver coating him from head to toe, devil horns peeking atop the grey and black fabric of his beanie.

now that he's in uniform, pep flooded his step as he threaded his blackened nails through the silk of his hair, sliding out through his front door and into the night.

who's going to be his lucky pick for today?

.

.

.

he found his victim rather quickly.

greasy brown hair hung in uneven clumps around his sunken face, a pair of bloodshot eyes, watery and half-lidded, scanned the street with a predatory gleam, glinting with something both lazy and lecherous.

and each time a woman pedalled by, presumably hoping to get home before the night sky blackened further, his lips would curl into a crooked grin.

his targets were few and far between, but he made sure that every one of them knew that he had a mouthful of things to say about them right off the bat.

...no matter how young they looked.

it was almost funny, he wanted a victim and he found the best candidate as soon as he set out searching. who'd miss a scumbag like him? uptown needs their savior, after all.

it's more than enough to warrant bashing his head in for the night, and the perfect opportunity to clear his own in the meantime.

the narrow walls of the alley were slicked with grime and shadows. overhead, a single flickering street light was trying its' best to illuminate the corner with its green-hued flare.

its dying glow cast over the alley, draping its rickety textures in a haunting atmosphere- fitting, given that ronin had doused these walls with blood before.

the pavement was littered with crumpled newspapers, shattered glass, and puddles of murky water that reeked of decay. a nauseating stench hung heavy in the air- a blend of rotting food, damp mold, and something metallic and sour, like old blood.

scraping his crowbar along the exposed pipes decorating the filthy path, he tapped it against the dingy metal, once, twice- until finally, the scumbag turns his head, yellow teeth fixed into a scowl.

got him.

ronin's fingers flexed around the warming iron of his trusty weapon, before lifting it and raking its teeth against the brittle brick, a sound akin to nails on a chalkboard grating through the stale air.

"cut that shit out," a low snarl, warning, biting, even. the man's now leaning uneasily over his own two feet, glass bottle tight within the drunk's grasp.

ronin whistled out a long, sharp burst, dragging his tool against the cracked concrete, glass occasionally crunching under his platforms.

"you wanna go, asshole?" the pig snarled, vocal cords strummed with copious amounts of alcohol and mucus as his wrist wiped over his running nose.

the drunken bravado of this prick is more than enough to have ronin's fingers itching to burrow through his abdomen- to wreak havoc across this bastard's body and let him know what hell truly looks like.

the drunkard's now storming towards ronin, almost tripping over his own shoes as he slung slurred words and insults towards him.

little did he know, he was just luring him deeper within the emptied twists and turns of the alley, just to ensure that he gets enough time to hear him scream without any unneeded innocents stopping by and getting an eyeful of gore beyond their wildest nightmares.

eventually, the lone streetlight stopped its' flickering, dimming into a low hum buzz as its' glow grew weaker and weaker- and finally into pitch black.

how well can a drunk man see in the darkness?

.

.

.

it was the same routine. wash, rinse, repeat. mangle the disfigured body into whatever position he wanted and splatter the newly-killed man's innards all over the alley concrete for all to judge.

but the experience was....rather lacking. he barely had a taste of the rush, of the adrenaline rushing through his veins. it died out quickly, and he's right back to thinking of you as he slips through the night and right back into his sanctuary.

[goreboy] 04:06

-'hey Angel is cupid Also an Angel?'

[Angelic] 04:07

-'Well that's a lot of capitalization, especially with the A's but I don't think so? I think he's some god or something in Greek mythology, but I'm not too sure. Why?'

[goreboy] 04:07

-'you two have wings Good enough'

-'tell him to fuck off please and Thanks!'

-'and hey, you know i can't resist that Sweet sweet alliteration.'

[Angelic] 04:07

'How do I deal with you...'

'But wait wait wait, what does that mean? Cupid?'

he feels instant regret- he shouldn't be texting or ranting or whatever the fuck he's doing to angel right now. she's got her own shit going on, and he's skipping like a school girl in a field of daisies- well, preferably bodies, over the thought of...

you. god, it makes his heart hurt. why? how would he know?

he has to hunt you down for this- you definitely cast some weird spell on him to make him feel this strongly for whatever reason and it's absolutely destroying him.

sure, he cares about you, deeply. you're really close and he enjoys being around you, but he didn't know that hanging out with you a couple of times would amount to...this.

and now he's spiraling inside of his own head, falling apart at the seams so easily, and he doesn't even know why.

[goreboy] 04:13

-'oh god bless my bleeding Heart'

-'...'

-'it's Nothing.'

[Angelic] 04:13

'Ronin, is there something going on?'

being sardonically impulsive was a trait that rarely bit ronin in the ass, especially when his instincts were usually sharp, but when it did- it wasn't a fun time.

tucking his head in a bandage-draped palm, he dangled his fingers over the keyboard, only for them to hang motionlessly.

what does he even say to that? "i'm falling in love with one of my best friends and for the first time i'm too much of a pussy to admit it! woe is me!" give him a break.

[Angelic] 04:16

-'You don't have to tell me anything, but if there's anything going on, you know you have a safe place with me, no matter how irritating you are.'

-'Regardless, you really should sit down and just process anything that could be troubling you. Get some sleep in and see how you feel in the morning about everything, y'know?'

'-And if it's cupid related, I don't mind playing matchmaker. 🤍'

ronin couldn't help the smile creeping up on his lips. it helped, y'know? remembering that he had someone in his corner who he could confide in when things got heavy.

[goreboy] 04:17

-'Noted'

-'...'

-'thanks. for y'know, Everything.'

-'and that last bit seems rather Interesting despite the fact that you're basically a Lamer version of cupid'

[Angelic] 04:18

-'I hate you oh so very much 😭'

a dry chuckle vibrates through his chest, and he's shutting off his computer, letting the screen fade to black.

she's right, though. instead of moping in self pity, he should sleep on it, maybe even pray that he won't feel anything for you when the sun rises and he gets out of bed.

he lazily sets his phone on his nightstand, not bothering to plug it up before he had a double take, hitting the power button and reading the numbers in bold.

"4:20 AM."

didn't he say something about getting more sleep?

shit.

.

.

.

he wished he could say that sleep did something for him in the grand scheme of things...

it did little to nothing, especially with the time he went to sleep. now he's restless, maybe a tad manic, and driving himself absolutely mad at the thought of you.

god, it feels as though his teeth are about to fall straight out of their sockets- and not just because he's been slapping himself dumb around his room all night.

he's been thinking- way, way, way, way too much. thinking about his feelings, what he wants, if there's a possibility of you feeling anything too, if you want him too.

further in the day, he thought that perhaps a drink or two will smooth the rough edges, shut his brain up enough for him to do the usual, but after a glass, or two...maybe three, he wasn't getting any closer to salvation.

he still thinks about it- those rare times that you've two hung out and you would casually slink an arm over him or play with his hair as you two binged another horror franchise. the times where he'd turn to watch your reaction at a movie heavily relying on shock value and how you'd scoot a little closer to him after it.

was he just imagining that? did your heart beat no faster at the idea of being closer to him? was all of this normal for you? whenever you went outside to do something simple, like checking the mail, did you not spot something that reminded you of him?

because as he's trailing down the countless alleyways he has memorized like the back of his hand, everything he looks at sends his mind into a blurry fuzz of everything you.

he didn't even notice the storm clouds rolling in, and the low grumble of faraway thunder did little to dissuade him from traveling farther from home, despite his lack of jacket or umbrella.

he felt like a stray dog wandering the streets with a maw full of bleeding rot, looking for something to devour that'll push the feeling down.

but there's nothing to do to push it down, to cast it out of sight and out of mind, and he's too full of feelings that he doesn't know what to do with-

should he pick out another kill for him to waste his time on?

normally, that'd be something he'd consider, something he'd chase out and bide his time on until the adrenaline, the rush, the high- would hopefully push you out of mind.

but he knows it'll just fail, like it did the day before.

the sky's weeping heavier at this point, and he's just now wringing out the black fabric of his shirt, drenched beyond relief at this rate.

he shrugs it off like it's whatever, as if the thunder and fat raindrops pummeling down on him was nothing more than an inconvenience, and he decides to retreat back home for the day.

each stride through the darkening streets feel almost weightless as he trails down the empty sidewalks, and it's right there.

his sanctuary.

except he turns the doorknob and it's... locked.

a frown bags over his lower jaw, and he tries it again. nope, locked.

and then a hollered "i'll be right there!" muffles behind the door. wait, what?

he looks forward, noticing the unfamiliar 'welcome!' rug at the doors front steps, and the change in scenery around him.

the door opens, and before he can hot tail it out of there, you're peeking out from behind the frame, and your brows furrow.

fuck, he's so screwed.

did he really self sabotage himself so badly in his drunken stupor that he walked to your front door instead of his?

because now he gets to see you- in person. and he doesn't know if he can handle that right now, if he can stand face to face with you knowing how his heartbeat quickens at the sound of your voice, nonetheless seeing you right before him.

you're motionless for a second, eyes beading over his form in a vertical line before you craned the door wide open, a mix of concern and confusion etched onto your face and he sobered up at the sight immediately.

don't you see that you're opening the front door to the worst person right now? fuck, why did you decide to answer? you shouldn't have, you really, really shouldn't have.

it felt like he was dying of embarrassment, and death had never felt so foreign and uneasy in his chest as he gave you a nervous grin.

"uh, hey."

his voice was dry and nearly died out as soon as the words left his lips, a faint crack ending off of his awkward greeting.

and suddenly, he could feel the way his pants weighed more than usual and how his shirt stuck uncomfortably close to his skin, fat raindrops still pummeling him under the dark sky.

"is it...normal, for you to be standing in the pouring rain?"

it was a jab, a friendly one at that, but your lighthearted words were simultaneously laced with...shock? surprise? maybe pity?

he pulled at his collar, sheepishly rubbing at the nape of his neck as water trickled down against his spine, causing a shiver to stream through him.

"uh, yeah-yep. y'know, just, uh...getting some fresh air."

getting fresh air in the middle of a thunderstorm? yeah, right. he was hoping to lean into the dry humor of it all and maybe crack a smile out of you that would allow him to brush past the inevitable 'what the fuck are you doing here?' question, but fate said otherwise.

"well, maybe you should come inside? i mean-you're soaked and the night's only gonna get darker."

immediate no. he cannot let himself step through your doorway, he cannot delve between the walls that's everything...you. that's the LAST thing he needs right now, last thing he should surround himself with.

you tug at the wet fabric of one of his sleeves, as if trying to guide him into the warmth of your home, but he only nails his palms over the ridges of your doorframe, enabling him still.

"no, i'd rather stay riiiight here, thank you."

you side eyed the worsening weather at his back and grazed your pupils over to his, staring at him as if he said something funny.

"ronin-"

"'m fine where i stand, thanks darlin'."

you frown, your brow raised strictly as if you were about to scold him, but you held your tongue for whatever reason, as if you could tell that he really didn't want to step inside.

"fine, but if you get a cold and i have to take care of your ass, don't tell me i didn't warn you."

is it bad that the scenario doesn't sound too bad to him?

his heart's working against him in ways he never knew it could, and before he could shut himself up, he's leaning further towards you, eyelids heavy and irises locked onto yours.

"you'd take care of me if i were sick?"

he didn't realize how desperate he was coming across, but when he heard the immediate drop in his tone and the lack of crypt in his voice, he felt a flutter in his chest. fuck, you're killing him.

the attitude slathered all over your face phases over, shifting into light solemn as you cross your arms, giving a small nod.

"yeah, of course. i care about you,"

fuck, you're killing him!

"-you're one of my bestest friends, after all."

oh my god, put him out of his misery already!

he's never rolled his eyes harder, he could've sworn he saw the man on the cross himself for a moment and he could've set on his knees as a believer right then and there.

maybe he should ask for the lord to strike him down here and now, and hopefully with enough repentance he'll die on the spot.

unluckily for him, you noticed his reaction, the way his head turned and his x'ed out pupils narrowed and slid out of view. the way his head veered away from you and his nostrils flared momentarily.

now you're curious, and you already know what happens to those who question things they probably shouldn't. curiosity killed the cat, 'n all.

"well, you have something to say, yeah? this is the first time i've seen satan himself shivering, so should i assume that hell finally froze over?"

the jest in your voice was unmistakable, but so was the genuine undertone of your question. he wished he could turn you away and soothe your curiosity with a toothy grin that told you all you needed to hear-

but with how he's standing ahead of you like a deer in headlights, he'd reckon that it wouldn't do much to salvage this situation.

"i don't," he began, only to slap a hand over his face with his index and middle fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

"i, i can't, it's..."

he drawls off, and he can feel it, the excuses longing to claw their way out of the confines of his throat, the overwhelming need to escape your gaze, and the hesitation churning in his abdomen.

"wow, whatever the hell you're going on about is really fucking you up, huh?"

you weren't wrong. this was definitely out of character, especially for ronin out of all people.

you clicked your tongue, rolling it over your teeth as you mentally noted the slight tremor in his body.

"are you...sure you don't want to come in?"

your voice falls on deaf ears, he's too absorbed in it all, in everything you do down to the smallest things. it's embarrassing, really, the dilation of his pupils following the view of your tongue running over the angle of your canines.

the sight should strike terror into his bones and he knows it. he should be running for the hills at this point - what can he even do to tilt the odds in his favor?

and yeah, he's fucking horrified. horrified at the way that his face doesn't pale in fear, but hazes over with the lightest pink. horrified at the way his heartstrings tense and pull, as if his heart was trying to ruthlessly beat itself out of its' bindings.

you're the scariest thing he's come across. the careless ruffle of your hair, the rosy pigment blotched over your bottom lip, and that...casual look in your eye. the way light dances and reflects in your irises like the prettiest firework show he's ever seen.

you're bad. really fucking bad for him, you're the worst thing he's laid eyes on, and he knows it once your head tilts in confusion and his gut wrangles high into his throat. what the fuck are you doing to him? do you know what the fuck you're doing to him?

you're probably deeper in the pits of hell than he is, and that's saying something. you're dangerous! akin to some monstrosity that the likes of man couldn't even fathom.

he was wrong for questioning your lack of survival instincts when you opened the door for him, he should've been questioning his own when he wandered to your front door like a lamb to the slaughter.

instead of having your aorta between his fingers, you have his wrangled between yours, and you don't even fucking know it.

the crackle of thunder right down the street is enough to wake him from his internal monologue, and he realizes that you're basically shaking him dry, snapping your fingers before him in a pitiful attempt to 'wake him up'.

"jesus christ," you heave, and you're grabbing him by the wrists, the heat of your fingers locking around his pulse burned his cheeks into a brighter shade of pink that, for once, made him look more alive than corpse.

"ronin, talk to me. tell me what's going on, please, you're not acting like yourself, and that says something."

the sound of his lifeline thumps heavy in his eardrums, even as he digs his teeth into the crackled, slightly bloodied mess of his bottom lip. he can feel the random, morbid variations of everything he's been feeling coursing through his veins.

they taste odd, unbalanced over the piercing on his tongue, and he doesn't even know how to describe it himself. fuck it, he's here right now, he needs to do something about these feelings while they're still fresh and bleeding, but all the ideas garble up into pathetic word vomit once he gets a hold of them.

he's eyeing the wet glisten of your lash line, and he notices you're now, too, partially in the rain. the hands holding his wrists now interlocked with his, fingers crisscrossing over one another.

he's thinking about it all; the times you've shared, ranging from your hangouts to your gaming sessions, and they all were...

perfectly imperfect.

yeah, the time you two went out for ice cream and not even two steps away from the truck, your scoops splattered all over the pavement. or the last time you guys hung out over at his place and blackjack- his pet rat, started nibbling on your fingers and you nearly dropped the damned thing.

nothing ever seemed to go as planned when your paths crossed. it was as if the gods themselves conspired to curse your time together, weaving misfortune into every interaction, a twisted, modern-day version of romeo and juliet. yet, no matter how things unraveled, the night would always end the same: with laughter, warmth, and the unmistakable feeling that none of it mattered as long as you were together.

the stupidest shit could happen on the days that you've planned to see each other on, and no matter what, you two would find a way to work it out, without fail.

standing here now, would telling you ruin everything that's been? divide you two back on your separate roads, the way fate wants it to be?

he's tired of guessing.

twisting black painted nails around the width of your hand, he moves your palm up to the plain of his chest, and your brows raise. he lays it close to his collarbone, but far down enough that the flat of your hand meets the rapid thudding in his body.

"feel how fast my heart's beating?"

you nod.

"would'ja drive a stake through it? spare me my autonomy, quiet the rhythm in my ears and leave me no longer breathing?"

he's closer to you now, the x's in his pupils trailing your every feature, taking in the way your cheeks flush and your lids lower.

"would you consider that mercy? no longer needing to confront your emotions?"

he gives you the slightest smile at your response, the void in his gaze sucking you in as he lays a thumb under the curve of your lower lids, brushing over your cheekbone, smearing a few water droplets across your cheek.

"who wouldn't? that's the beauty in being human, in feeling all these...things. gives us so many weaknesses, so many flaws, but so, so much to discover."

he's almost grinning ear to ear at the sight of your eye twitching irritably, a tight lipped smile spread on your face as you huff. he can tell you want him to get to the point.

so he will.

"ronin, stop all the cryptic talk. just, tell me what's going o-"

"i'm in love with you."

and the warmth pumping through your cheeks increased by tenfold, for a moment, the cogs in your brain just... stalled. you blinked, once, twice, staring at him like he'd just spoke in a language you didn't know.

"wait... what?" the words tumbled out before you could stop them, a mix of confusion and disbelief your words.

"you... you like me?"

"did i stutter?"

"no, no, i-i just...like, like like me?"

it was adorable; how doubting you were, your words almost frantic. and it wasn't in a 'ew, you like me?' type of manner, it was more of a 'oh my god, you like me? me!?' way.

he now has both of his hands cupping your face, thumbing along the corner of your lips and you're even warmer- or maybe it's just because he's drenched in rain water and you're only slightly damp.

"is there somethin' wrong with me for likin' you?"

and just like that, the tables turned. you're the one who's flustered and trying to explain yourself while he's just smug watching your panicked display with a grin.

"no! no, it's just- i'm...dumbfounded. i mean, i didn't really see it coming. are you...sure?"

he's more than 100% sure, but if you need some more convincing, he doesn't mind.

"want me to prove it to ya?"

his jaw's already nearing yours and a low timbre wedges in the tangle of his vocal chords, words sweet and curious.

his question was rhetorical- he knew you wanted him to, and your irises giving his lips a quick glance confirmed it.

"well? i'm waiting in the wings."

you give a slow nod, hands running up to the broadness of his shoulders before he dipped forward and...

the soft pout of your bottom lip met the cracked surface of his, and it couldn't have been more perfect, the trailing of your fingers rising through the soaked locks sticking to his skin. you're warm, really warm, and he doesn't want to let you go.

and suddenly he can breathe again, the tension compressed in his body releasing all at once, he, for one, finally feels free at the maddening press of your skin to his.

the faint taste of alcohol dances between you two, and your tongue gives a light swipe over his bottom lip in response to it, as if trying to get a better taste.

have you come from the abyssal sky above to grace him salvation? to save him from the endless pits of his own sin? to cut him apart with gentle hands, to dissect him with hushed promises of alleviating the burning ache in his chest?

because the warm cradle of your embrace sets his soul alight, and he's burning up like a dry weed catching the first sparks of summer's relentless rays.

it's been so long since he was last touched like this. since he's had someone to cradle, someone to hold, to kiss, to love.

he's been saved by you, and not in the biblical sense, no, he's damned no matter how you look at it. but he no longer feels lost, no longer yearning, craving something he thinks he can't have.

eventually, you have to pull away, his arms still slung over the dip of your back, and yours still around the nape of his neck.

"whaddya say? wanna be my partner in crime?"

you cringe, your nose scrunching in utter distaste at his title for you and you pitch a playful whack on his chest, a curl lingering on your lips.

"were you always this cheesy?"

he's about to respond with a teasing quip back, but then-

"ah-achoo!" his head pivots away from you and into the crease of his elbow, sneezing into his arm and he sniffles quietly.

"i uh, might have to take you up on that offer you proposed earlier?"

"see! i told you!"

----

hi teehee thanks for reading sorry this definitely sucks ass in some parts bc i rushed this last minute, lots of things here were just made up/headcanons about his character

i....i finished editing it....2000 words officially brought back from the dead...i couldn't have done it without the power of friendship ‼️

[barufisher]

i do think that for me personally. there is no version of taash's storyline that i can get down with except one where they reconnect with their qunari side. my main problem with their arc is that it perpetuates this idea that someone has to "choose" one culture, that they have to turn their back on parts of their identity in order to be the right kind of trans (the white western kind) and all of it just makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. and to be clear this is not me like... trying to make anyone feel bad, there are parts of taash's story that i personally connect with as well, like there is nothing wrong with the way taash does gender in general and there's nothing wrong with it resonating with people. it's when we put it all together in context within the game that it becomes a problem for me.

we know the qun does not have the same ideas around gender as the rest of thedas, we know that their identity, including gender, is connected to their duty. and so it doesn't make sense that taash's mother cares about them wearing dresses. why would she care about that. i'd ask if we've ever even seen any qunari in dresses but i'm pretty sure we've only seen three qunari women total and two of them are in veilguard and are scholars wearing what i personally consider a robe. the third is in trespasser and is ben-hassrath, and is definitely not wearing a dress. if anything, their mother should be concerned about the fact that they fight, since the whole point of leaving for rivain was to avoid taash being designated as a soldier. and to be fair, we get this a Little bit with the fire-breathing. but everything else about shathann's disapproval doesn't make sense in-universe.

and we also already know about the aqun athlok, which shathann even tries to bring up but the game shouts her down because....? i get that shathann is meant to be overbearing and kinda shitty, but this is not the way to do it. all this does is imply that aqun athlok is "wrong" and not as progressive as this other identity that rook has to teach taash about (and that also isnt even specific to rivain, or related to them connecting to their rivaini culture. it's the shadow dragons that teach them all of this along with rook. in general transness and the nonbinary identity are not integrated into the world in any meaningful way which makes it feel even worse). there are various cultures that have their own specific gender identities that do not adhere to the gender binary, and taash should have been given the chance to connect to their own culture in this way. and even if they really wanted to make it so taash just didn’t feel right with aqun athlok, that identity still should have been properly discussed as an option and handled with respect, rather than so carelessly thrown aside as “wrong” (though again not a depiction i would personally like but it would still be better than what we got).

and just. i really disagree with the idea that gender identity under the qun is More Rigid than elsewhere. it’s different, as we know from comments from iron bull and sten-- and we could argue in circles about inconsistencies with the things they say, obviously there have been retcons previously in an attempt to better develop the qunari beyond what we see in origins and da2, but i think this kind of development is a good thing, and is exactly why the regression with taash irritates me so much-- but when we look back at characters like warden tabris, dorian and his father and tevinter's obsession with bloodlines, the entire experience of playing f!hawke in da2 (and also da2 literally has a whole subplot about women being murdered for like 3 years and no one cares. these games just have a misogyny problem lol) and even tarquin in veilguard commenting about how his father forced him into being a soldier because he's a man(!!)-- there is a lot of rigidity, expectations, and violence around gender throughout thedas. but for some reason these rigid gender ideals and a lot of this gendered violence is held up as the status quo and not challenged at all by the writers in the way the qun repeatedly is. the exception being dorian (though you're still incentivized to forgive his father), but a lot of the characters in tevinter-- magisters, templars, the literal black divine-- are still allowed complexities and to be the good guys working with the shadow dragons, a grace not given to any qunari character besides iron bull (who ultimately still has to leave the qun or die later). i’m not trying argue that the qun is perfect and can never be criticized-- i like the flawed characters and societies within dragon age. but the qunari also deserve to be given the same depth, complexities, and engagement as everyone else, too. and it’s worth pointing out that it’s always the qun that’s depicted as backwards for the same harmful “rigidity” every other culture in the game reinforces.

and ultimately with the way the game inserts this very modern, anachronistic, and condescending language in a poor attempt to be as "correct" as possible to "teach" the player, while simultaneously writing such a careless, racist arc about their culture kinda just , makes me feel like they were actually trying to imply that one identity is more correct and progressive than the other. or, if nothing else, it's a bias that got amplified due to their unwillingness or inability to engage with taash's character beyond using them as a mouthpiece for corporate "representation."

there absolutely are people out there that are like taash, who don't necessarily have or want a connection with certain parts of their culture, and maybe they do identify closer with one aspect of it over another. this is all fine! this happens in real life, everyone has different relationships with their identity and heritage, there is no universal experience, and people are allowed to write about their own. but the thing is. this is dragon age. and taash was written by weekes. and both dragon age as a whole and weekes specifically has a repeated pattern of racist writing when it comes to depicting the qunari. and taash's quest along with the way the antaam are portrayed-- faceless, voiceless, basically naked bodies for you to kill-- makes this a series of poor choices that i don't feel generous enough to excuse.

and it sucks. so bad. that this happened. i want to like taash so bad. but.... man.

anyways if you read this far you should read this article, which is far more eloquent than anything i could write and really dives into the whole "civilized versus savage" binary that we see in a lot of fantasy RPGs and is really epitomized in taash's quest-- in dragon age, it's always the qunari and dalish elves versus a (usually white and/or human) andrastian: