#but whatever things Feel like they're True inside and that's what matters i guess

[honeysuckle-venom]

Long DID post, lots of inner world stuff

Kind of want to talk about something that's been going on internally, but it requires a lot of background that I haven't bothered to give for several months. But whatever, I'll try to give an abridged version with enough information that things make sense.

Most of us have fused, but it's not...the same as never having had parts. And we haven't all fused. Last February I discovered a part, I don't know that I've ever talked about her on main and she doesn't have a name I'm willing to share here, but I'm going to call her C. She was around when we were a kid (in fact, I have good reason to believe she's the core/original part. I know not everyone has one of those but I think we do). She went dormant when we were 11, and woke up last spring. When she woke up, it was accompanied by a strong internal knowledge that she had been dead and buried in an internal grave the whole time, and that her coming out of dormancy was her crawling out of her grave and taking breath for the first time in 15 years. But although she's no longer presenting internally as dead like she did when she was dormant, she still stays internal and very rarely fronts. She kind of came along with an internal world, and we did some work in therapy to discover it more clearly, but it felt like discovering rather than creating for the most part. Before she woke up I didn't think the main system had an internal world, but we do now. She lives there, and although Cypher and I have fused, Cypher is kind of...pulling double duty? She's fused with me, but she also lives with C in a cottage in our internal world, acting as C's...bodyguard? Knight? Whatever, her protector. C needs a lot of protection. She's extremely vulnerable and extremely important to me/all of us. Most of why she doesn't front is because she's too fragile still, she's recovering, and she's easily wounded, and it's very very important that she not be wounded. When she's wounded things go very badly. Because of that she mostly stays internal, deep in a cottage in the woods. She very occasionally cofronts, and it's always a wonderful feeling when she does, but it never ever happens unless we're alone or in therapy, and even then it's rare. It takes a lot of effort to communicate with her/get her towards the front, and if anything makes us feel at all unsafe she immediate goes back away and it becomes almost impossible for me to feel her/get in touch with her. I spend a lot of time and effort making things feel soft and gentle and safe enough for her to come forward, because it feels so wonderful and whole and hopeful when I can feel her/cofront with her. But it's hard and when she's gone it's hard to bring myself to do the things that will bring her forward again. But that's an issue for a different post.

Anyway. I fucked up last week. I didn't take appropriate care of C, of making sure she was safe and protected and barricaded before going to see our mom. Of course she wasn't fronting or as far as I know even conscious when we saw mom, but we should have done some special internal visualizations and stuff to keep her extra safe, and we didn't. And now Cypher is furious at me for letting C get hurt. I'd been trying to figure out for days why I was decompensating to this extent and why I was so incredibly angry 24/7, and today in therapy we realized it's because of that. I can't apologize directly to C, or well, I can but the message won't get through the protective layers, and I live internally in a castle very far away from the cottage where she is. My inner world self isn't currently even allowed to know the route to the cottage, it's magically disguised. But I can get a messenger bird to carry a letter to the post office in the village right outside of the woods that Cypher checks every so often, apologizing and promising to do it differently next time. It's funny, because Cypher is both living in the cottage with C and still fused with me, so I can feel the acknowledgement as I'm writing this that the intention to apologize has been heard, but I still need to internally go through the process of visualizing writing the note and tying it to a bird and waiting for it to arrive. Internal worlds are fucking bizarre apparently. Or possibly Cypher split into two so that one version could stay separate to stay inside with C? Unclear. Anyway, I'm going to do that and hopefully it will help us all calm down some.

[melobin]

first of all congratulations on hitting 2k !! i’ve never met anyone more deserving <3 love you lots 🫶🏼 can i rq “i missed you” with roommate jungwon please 🫧🪼

i love you forever !!!

જ⁀➴ roommate!jungwon x female reader

cw. smut, unprotected sex, clothed sex, no real power play involved, jungwon cums inside of the reader. wc. 2k

17. "i missed you"

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the air that surrounded you and jungwon felt tense, you hated it. if there was one thing you always enjoyed, it was your positive relationship with your roommate, but the two of you seemed to throw that down the drain a month ago when you found yourself laying under him in his bed. nails raking down his back as he fucked your senses away.

both of you tried your hardest to avoid bumping into the other, both too afraid to have the conversation or even acknowledge what happened that night. at first jungwon was hurt when he realised you were avoiding him, but he soon realised it was for the best and found himself doing the same back to you.

it was inevitable that your avoidance would be forced to end at some point, it was impossible to avoid someone you lived with for that long. most of your encounters had one of you coughing and looking away whilst the other quickly done whatever it was they needed to do before leaving the room.

the tension between the two of you didn't go unnoticed by friends who visited, you often found yourself being questioned by your friends to why it felt so tense when jungwon entered the room you were in, you'd play it off, trying to convince them they're making things up but you knew the truth.

yet, avoidance or not, you both found yourselves stealing glances at one another when you thought the other wasn't looking. even if you weren’t looking, you could still feel his eyes on you, every second that he was in your vicinity you found yourself craving the feeling of his eyes on you. the way jungwon looked at you made your skin crawl, goosebumps trailing from your wrist to your shoulder. you wanted nothing more than for him to touch you again, take you the same way he did that night, but you worried things were too far gone between the two of you now. 

so as you sat beside him on a friday evening, you tried to suppress your thoughts. usually the two of you would try and have a movie night on friday nights, just something small to relax after a hectic week, having food laid out and whatever movie you could find on netflix playing on the tv. the last time the two of you had a movie night was a month ago, consequently it was the same night the two of you ended up in bed together. it didn’t help to quiet down the thoughts that were in your head as you remembered the way his fingers trailed along your skin on the very couch you were sat on, how his lips gently pressed against your neck as he told you how bad he wanted to fuck you.

you couldn’t help but wonder if he still wanted to, if his true motives for asking you to join him for a movie night was so he could fuck you again. truth be told, you wouldn’t be against it, in fact you’d be all for it. you wanted him, bad. you knew you weren’t going to focus on whatever film he decided to pick, so you let your eyes wander over to jungwon, only to find him already looking at you.

“you okay?” he let his head lean to the left a little as he asked.

“i’m okay”

“you sure? you seem distracted” you gave him a small smile, this was the most engaging conversation the two of you had had in weeks.

“just thinking”

“what about?”

“does it matter?” he narrowed his eyes at your question, an almost small, playful smile tugging at his lips.

“yes” he moved closer to you, thigh pressing against yours “talk to me” you sighed and looked down at where his sweats touched your skin, maybe wearing shorts wasn’t your best idea.

“it’s nothing important”

“will you tell me if i guess?” you watched him carefully as he spoke, only lightly nodding your head at his question “you’re thinking about what happened last time we ended up like this” jungwon leaned closer to you, lips barely touching the skin of your neck “because i am”

you almost folded right away, almost leant completely into his touch and let him have his way with you all over again. almost. you were going to let him have you, but you didn’t want to make it that easy for him.

“avoided me for a month just to try and fuck me again?” he laughed against your neck, lips parting as he pressed open mouthed kisses to your skin.

“you avoided me, i was just giving you space” you let out a shaky breath, finding yourself sinking backwards in the sofa as he nipped at your skin “i’ve spent the past month thinking about how pretty you sounded under me, i needed to be close to you again” you’d never heard jungwon sound so desperate for something before, the last few words he spoke came out as a whine almost. there was no way you were going to be able to keep your guard up. 

“jungwon” your voice was quiet, your fingers found themself in his hair.

“shh” he paused for a second, fingers finding place on the skin of your thigh below your shorts “you don’t know how bad i just want to press you down and fuck you every time you say my name” you were speechless at his words, his teeth dug a little deeper into your neck, you knew there’d be a bruise there tomorrow.

“so do it” it was all he needed, you caved quicker than you wanted to but you couldn’t help it, nothing felt better than the way he lifted his head from your neck and kissed you. the kiss was full of tongue, saliva and desperation. he pushed you further down against the sofa, your head resting against the arm of it. 

the kiss didn’t break as his fingers trailed along the skin of your thighs, he groaned once he settled himself between your legs, cock hanging lose in his sweats, pressing against your covered cunt. he ground himself down against you, hands finding place on your hips as your legs wrapped around his waist. both of you found yourselves wanting to be as close as possible to the other, any space was too much space. if you could crawl into his skin and live in there, at this point you would. his fingers snuck under the fabric of your shirt, digging into your skin as he ground himself down against you. he broke the kiss, letting his lips pretty open mouthed kisses along your skin, his mouth felt hot against you.

“need you” he panted just below your ear, there was a slight whiny tone to his voice as he spoke “need you so bad. been too long” 

“take me wonnie, please” he groaned, nails pressing into your skin. neither of you had the patience to get undressed, instead he found himself shoving down his sweats until his cock was out, fingers pushing aside the material of your shorts so he could press himself against you. 

jungwon felt painfully hard, he’d spent the first twenty minutes of the movie working himself up, thinking about you. there had been countless nights in the past few weeks where jungwon found himself wide awake late at night, laying in his bed with his hand closed around his cock, pumping it as he desperately tried to mimic the way your warm cunt felt around him. nothing compared to how you felt, nothing compared to you. you brought jungwon a feeling he had never felt with anyone else and he wanted more.

and now he was finally getting more. he felt his head spin when he pressed the tip of his cock against your clit, dragging it down to your sopping hole. you were so inviting, it felt almost as if you were sucking him inside of you. the head of his cock broke into you, pushing into your warmth slowly. jungwon paced himself, fearing that if he moved too quickly he’d spill himself inside of you right away. he didn’t want that, he wanted to savour the feeling of you, wanted to keep you wrapped around him for as long as possible, not being sure when he’d finally get you to himself again.

jungwon moaned when he pressed the rest of himself inside of you, cock twitching as your walls tightened around him. he lifted his head from your neck to look at you, eyes shaking as he watched the way your lips parted and you whimpered at the intrusion of his cock. your arm wrapped around his shoulder, gripping his shirt as your other hand went to his hair. 

“god” he groaned as you pulled on his hair “i missed you” at his words, you pulled him down to kiss you, moving your own hips up in order to get him to move. you couldn’t stand him being inside of you without fucking you into the sofa beneath you, too desperate to feel him come undone inside of you again.

“wonnie” your voice broke against his lips, tone filled with a whined as he rolled his hips against yours, cock leaving you just to enter you again. he filled you up so well, thick cock stretching you out, leaving you aching to feel him fill you up all over again each time he pulled out.

you tried to keep the kiss going but it felt impossible, as his pace increased, so did the frequency of your moans. it wasn’t long before jungwon found himself burying his head in your neck, whining against the flesh as he fucked you. each time he withdrew his cock from you and pushed it back it he felt the lace of your panties drag against the side of his cock, it only made things more intense for him. jungwon was absolutely not going to last, especially not when he heard you say his name.

“jungwon” his name left you in a whine “fill me up, please” it was all he really needed to hear. jungwon found himself kneeling up between your legs, holding your thighs apart as he fucked you harder. hair falling over his eyes and bottom lip tucked between his teeth as he let his eyes focus on the way your cunt swallowed his cock. you left him glistening in your slick with each thrust, a gentle but filthy sound came from where the two of you were connecting. he wanted to fill you with him cum so bad, claim you as he fucked you. 

he dropped one hand to your clit, thumb pressing against the drenched, swollen bud as he fucked you closer to your orgasm. he didn’t want to finish first but he knew he was going to. with that way you were clamping around his cock and moaning so sweetly for him, he knew he was done for. he was too drained to hold it back, he needed you to feel what you done to him, needed you to feel his cum spill deep inside of you.

jungwon let out one of the prettiest moans you had ever heard when he came, hips still moving against yours, thumb still rubbing careless circles against your clit as he tried to drive you towards your own orgasm. your name fell from him as he released inside of you, the overstimulation only causing him to whine after.

“cum around my cock” he let his eyes flick to your face. your eyes were closed, lips swollen and parted, he was sure you had never looked so pretty “come on baby” you let out a noise that fell somewhere between the line of a moan and a whine as you felt your orgasm hit you, body shaking as you gripped the seat of the sofa under you, probably leaving deep scratch marks behind.

“jungwon, jungw-oh my god” was all that left you, your voice breaking as he fucked you through your orgasm, hips finally stilling once he was sure you were finished. your eyes struggled to adjust to the light in the room when you opened them, yet you still found jungwon looking down at you, cock still resting inside of you. he leaned over you, hands pressing against the sofa either side of your head before leaning down to kiss you softly.

“you’re not going to avoid me this time, right?” you shook your head “good, we should do this more often”.

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[nothomegal]

“The little owl family” (Part 2)

(RZ!Michael Myers x GNReader)

Summary: your and your little sister’s life had an 180° turn when your parents got into a severe car crash, dying on the spot. You, being already past 18 had to figure out how to keep things afloat and give yourself, specially your sister, a good future. And you did! It was hard but you did it and became the absolute hero in the little girl’s eyes. People would often involuntary smile at the dynamic of your two, so wholesome and supportive, the perfect family bond. Bond that a certain Boogeyman noticed as well…

Warnings: Mikey being a bit obsessive(?).

Word Count: 2.8k

Additional info: Gender Neutral reader. (S/N) = sister’s name.

(Part 1) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)

It's been around a week since the siblings visited the house where the Myers family ones lived. To be honest the visit was kinda forgotten after a couple of days since they had other things to worry about; (Y/N) focused on their work and (S/N) on school and other duties a 6 y/o would worry about, as well on the owl family! Who happily accepted the extra meat the've been leaving around their backyard, they're also pretty sure that some of their babies already hatched!

However, their rather peaceful and carefree life was about to get on a bumpy ride when a certain dark massive figure was able to track them down...

. . .

—"(Y/N), can I ask you somethig?"— your sister asks from the doorway to your room, shifting from foot to foot and holding a dinosaur plushie.

—"Sure."— you say as you pause whatever work you've been doing on your computer and turn towards her. —"What is it songbird?"—

—"How does it feel like being watched?"— she asks.

(Y/N) leans back on their chair with a thoughtful hum.

—"I'm not sure, I never felt it. Though people say it feels like being exposed, no matter how hard you try to hide."— you try to explain.

—"Oh... Like being naked?"—

—"Yeah, kinda. I guess."— you scratch your cheek a bit. —"Why the question though?"—

The girls shrugs with a slightly awkward expression.

—"In scary movies people always talk about it and I got curious. And because Terry won't stop saying dumb stuff, like the Boogeyman is going to come and steal you..."— she admits, her voice sad and quieter at the last statement.

The older sibling blinks a couple of times.

—"Steal ME?"— your eyes wide a bit when she nods. —"Pff! If the Boogeyman doesn't have a pack of oreos and a new drawing tablet as a bait, I'm not going anywhere."— you joke, trying to soothe her.

But the girl just frowns more and out of nowhere runns towards them and hugs them tightly, barely holding back a sob.

—"It's- It's just- "— she hiccups a bit. —"I sometimes have nightmares where you disappear, just like mom and dad. I'm- I'm scared it will become true someday!"— she sobs into your shoulder.

(Y/N) frowns at her words, their heart shrinking inside of the ribcage with every sob that left their sister's mouth. They hug her tightly back and begin to softly caress her hair whilst speaking.

—"Hey, hey it's okay. No one will ever take me away from you. I fought to keep us together ones and I will do it again if necessary."— you say, your voice calm.

—"B-But one thing is arguing with old ugly people and the other one is fighting a monster!"— she sobs harder.

(Y/N) falls silent for a moment, thinking about how to calm down their sister. Eventually they come up with an idea. They gently grip her shoulders and push her back so they both can make eye contact.

—"I don't get it, who are you?"— you suddenly ask.

—"H-Huh?"—

—"I asked who are you? Where is my little (S/N)? The (S/N) who's so bold and brave, the one who promised to protect me and scare the Boogeyman away by stomping on his toes and slapping his elbows, where is that (S/N)?"—

The little girl blinks a couple of times, both surprised and thoughtful about (Y/N)'s words. Eventually her expression changes into a shyer one.

—"Uh... She is he-here. But- But- "—

—"Don't tell me you are going to allow some boy and silly dreams scare and hurt you. Do you remember that one movie with the 'hat-man'?"— you ask and recieve a nod. —"And how did the main character defeat him?"—

—"She... She stopped being afraid of him."—

—"Exactly! The Boogeyman is the same, a creature that feeds on fears. If you aren't afraid of it, it won't be able to do a damn."— you give her shoulders a gentle squeeze. —"Come on sis, we visited the house the monster supposedly lives, you had a smile when we got closer and you were brave enough to calm me down. Can't you see how absolutely amazing you are and how intimidated the monster must be of you and your amazing art skills?!"—

—"Yeah... Yeah! You're right! Who does this Boogeyman thinks he is to scare me?!"— she exclaims, gaze and tone determined.

—"Yes! Screw it! If any monster tries to come for us then we'll work together to scare it away! Just like we did with the 'attic ghost'."—

They both giggle at the mentioned 'attic ghost', who resulted to be a racoon that somehow snuck in there a couple of month ago.

—"But make sure to throw the plunger at the monster and not me."— you pinch her cheek while pouting a bit.

—"Hehehe sorry."— she grins, clearly not sorry.

They talk a bit more, and ones (S/N) was completely calm her sibling finally notices the time.

—"Holy cow on a bicycle, it's long past midnight. You were suppoes to be asleep missy."— you say while standing up. —"Come on, let's put you to sleep, you have school tomorrow after all."—

—"Will you read me the new story today?"— she looks up at you with hopefull eyes.

—"Not yet sweetheart, I still need to finish the last pages, or you want to leave the mystery as a cliffhanger?"— you ask with a teasing smile.

—"No! No cliffhangers, they suck!"— she huffs.

—"Yeah, agree. Just wait a bit more, okay? I'm sure I'll finish it due Halloween."—

—"Oki hehe, can't wait to learn what will happen with the birdies this time!"—

The mentioned tale has no name, it's just a little pile of stories (Y/N) and (S/N) created by accident a while ago. It started as a random drabble when the girl asked 'how would we look as owls?' and that's when it began. Both owl characters, that resembled the siblings but with some subtle changes, living the wildest anventures a kid's brain could formulate, from time travel to having a sword fight with skeletons, and despite the ridiculous plots, the stories were a lot of fun to write, draw and tell, specially before sleep.

And tonight wasn't a complete exception, sure it wasn't the story (S/N) hoped to read but an already written one, it still was a lot of fun though!

Ones the story telling session finished and (S/N) was sleeping soundly, (Y/N) decided that it's time for them to go to bed as well.

They started to do their night routine of cleaning around a bit, but something made them pause when they reached the first floor to turn the lights off. They stopped in their tracks with their gaze glued to the back door, specifically... What was in front of it. It looked like piece of paper, one that been uncrumpled.

With furrowed brows and an uneasy feeling in their stomach (Y/N) makes their way towards it, trying to convince themselves that maybe (S/N) left it there it while playing. But their blood goes icy cold when they see what is on the paper...

A orange spinosaurus with a witch hat and a magic wand.

The older sibling grips the paper tightly as they frantically look around, as if trying to find the responsible of this nonsense, yet they saw or found nothing, or maybe they were unaware of it... Of him.

At some point durning their frenzy, (Y/N) stops in front of the window and simply stares into the pitch black backyard. The owls were unnaturally quiet, no casual 'hoo' or the father flying out to get food, no, there was no sound from them at all.

Giving one last glare into the darkness, (Y/N) decides to take their uneasy feeling and the bird's silence as a warning. With a huff they close the curtains and go toward other windows to do the same, they have no idea if there is an actual threat out there but they will do anything to protect their home anyways, even if that means going full paranoia mode.

Their actions didn't went unnoticed of course, as the being (S/N) was so scared of at first was standing there, in the darkness, this whole time. His head slightly tilted as he observed the older sibling go through another frenzy.

Usually, these kind of response to his stalking would amuse him, seeing the sheer panic in the victim's eyes as they stare into the darkness, desperate to find him and coming out unsuccessful despite him being right under their nose the entire time.

With (Y/N) however... It's different. The look they sent into the darkness wasn't just a simple look of uneasiness or distrust, it was a warning. A warning to fight back and kill whatever or whoever dares to disturb them, to disturb their family, their little sister... When his eyes met theirs his breath hitched, he never saw such cold and murderous yet dangerously determined glare on him, not the one (Y/N) had.

He wasn't even aware of the adrenaline that spiked inside of him, his heart beating hard as his chest rised ad fell with each heavy breath, creating small clouds in the chilly October air. He didn't even realize how much that look affected him, how much he desired to feel it on him again, how obsessed he was with their eyes...

The only thing that bugs him is that (Y/N) is most likely not even aware who they just glared at. The especulations of their reaction when they finally uncover the truth make his mind go wild, wondering what kind of look they'll send him, what kind of measures they'll take to protect their own little 'boo' from him, even though...

He didn't even feel the need, or want, to hurt the little one... Or them.

. . .

—"(S/N)! Watch out!"—

—"Woah!- "—

It was one more day in Haddonfiel elementary school, it was currently recess time and the little girl was playing outside with some friends.

—"You almost got hit again, are you okay?"— a friend asks.

The little girl bites her lip.

—"I don't know... I'm super worried about (Y/N), since last week they've been weird. They try to act normal when I'm around, but... When they think I'm not looking I noticed how serious and scared they seem to be, always looking through the windows and even checking the locks almost five times a day!"—

—"Oh wow..."—

—"Yeah... I don't know why they started to act like that! J-Just last week everything was fine and then boom! They're different!"— she says with concern and a bit of frustration.

—"Maybe (Y/N) got snatched by the Boogeyman and got replaced by a doppelganger?"— Terry says, being right behind her, and suddenly grabs her shoulders.

—"Aaah! No! Shut up Terry!"— she exclaims angrily as she slaps his hands away. —"And no one snatched them away! They're just going through a lot of stress!"—

—"That's what the doppelganger wants you to believe! Bet the Boogeyman had already ate the real (Y/N), and soon he's doing to come and eat you~."— the boy says with a sweet yet mischievous tone.

(S/N) grits her teeth both annoyed and angry at her classmate's attempts to scare her. When the ball bumps into her leg she grabs it and with no hesitation throws it at Terry, purposely aiming at his face.

Miraculosly, the boy dodged the ball last second and with a loud goblin-like laugh he runs away, pleased that he got a reaction from the little girl.

—"Hey! The ball-! "—

—"I'll go get it..."— she mumbles, still a bit frustrated and disappointed that it didn't hit the boy.

The ball went quite far despite being thrown by a 6 y/o. The girl rushed towards the direction where the ball went flying, which was the furthest part of the school playfround, slowing down at the end when she realized the ball wasn´t near the fence.

With a more concerned look she takes one or two steps forward, being just 4 feet away from the fence. Her gaze is focused outside of it in hopes that the ball ended up not too far and she could simply reach it. She suddenly stops when noticed some weird tree trunks at the other side... Huh, she's pretty sure a tree trunk is brown and not dark blue, or wears shoes...?

She begins to slowly drag her gaze up and then realizes that the blue 'tree trunk' is not even a tree, but a person, no, a giant!... Wait, he got the ball! (S/N) was about to innocently step closer and ask for the toy but froze in place when she saw the giant's face, a terrifying emotionless mask that made his eyes appear black, like two endless voids staring into her little innocent soul.

The massive stranger then slowly extends his arm, just enough so his hand goes through the bars, silently allowing the little girl retrieve the object.

The girl swallows loudly as she gives quick glances at the ball, which looked so small in the stranger's big hand, and then at his uncanny masked face. Technically it should be safe to take it, the man's hand is barely going through the metal bars of the fence, all she has to do is yoink the toy out of his grasp and run away.

It should be quick, it should be easy!... Yet her body refused to move...

The giant slowly tilts his head, as if silently asking what's wrong and why she's not taking the object back.

Durning this little staring contest, the world around goes completely silent, which made the already tense and eerie atmosphere turn even more bizarre. The girl starts to remember all these talks of 'stranger danger' (Y/N) would give her, and the advice that stick out the most kept resonating in her mind over and over...

"It's okay to judge at times..."

"...for a reason first impressions are a thing."

"Remember songbird...

"...if someone gives you the heebeegeebees, forget politeness..."

"...and get away from them."

And they're right... This giant is giving her the heebeegeebees!

Releasing the breath she didn't know she was holding in all this time, the girl throws one final glance at the man, her innocent eyes expressing fear and distrust as she turns on her heel and runs away like a spooked kitten, completely forgetting about the ball she was supposed to retrieve.

His head straightened as he watches the girl run away, frantically pointing towards his direction when her friends tried to ask what happened but, of course, he was long gone when they looked.

After this little interaction, he was left with a weird yet unpleasant feeling. The way the little girl looked at him made something inside of his chest squeeze, the same feeling he got as a kid when he accidentally made Angel cry for the first time... Is this what guilt and shame feels like?... He can't tell.

He probably shouldn't have revealed himself like this, so out of the blue. But today he was feeling particulary gloomy, and after observing the two siblings for nearly two week he couldn't help but notice how the little one behaved; so carefree, so curious and enthusiastic about nearly everything, so mischievous yet sweet towards her older sibling, worrying about them, caring for them... It reminded him of 'boo' so much.

Is this really how things would've turn out between him and Angel if they grew up together? If he just could've made the things right that night and prove that he can be a good big brother? He'll never know, not when Angel is somewhere else now, hiding from him, not for long though, he will find her eventually and try again... But for now, all he can do is stay hidden and observe, observe the siblings interact and fantasize that one day him and his sister will share the same strong bond...

One day...

. . .

The bell rang, meaning that the final class finished and the kids were free to go home.

(Y/N) is standing outside the school, near the gates where all students were about to come out. They were calmply waiting for their sister to appear, already changing their moody and tired expression for a softer and brighter one so the little girl doesn't worry.

But their happy mask falls off completely when they see their sister exit through the gates. Her eyes and nose had a reddish tone as if she've cried not too long ago, her face was also pale, pale and filled with fear as if she just seen a ghost.

(Y/N) has no time to even formulate a sentence in their mind when their sister suddenly rushed into their arms and let out a muffed sob, one that she've been probably holding back for a while.

Panicked and concerned (Y/N) kneels in front of the girl and gently take one hand into theirs while the other one is wiping the tears sliding down her cheek.

—"(S/N)? My goodness, songbird. What happened?"— you ask, doing your best to keep your tone calm.

The girl hiccups a bit, letting the last couple of sobs out and eventially collecting herself enough to speak.

—"(Y/N)..."— she says in a shaky and tiny voice. —"I think... I-..."—

—"I think I saw the Boogeyman."—

[shuttershocky]

You know, something funky has just occurred to me.

Fate introduces us to multiple effects that reverse causality or rewrite the flow of time to achieve their desired effect, i.e. Gae Bolg and Fragarach. These effects are rightfully treated as a Big Deal, but that's predominantly due to how dangerous they are in the context of the HGW. They are not, to my knowledge, ever explicitly called out as being phenomena adjacent to True Magic. But when Aoko alters the flow of time to the point of rewriting events retroactively, it's very distinctly Magic.

It's really odd considering that Stay Night and Hollow Ataraxia have the context and vocabulary to talk about Magic, and Mahoyo in its early form did already exist at that point, just not in a form that we could read. So time fuckery surely must have already been established as Magic at least internally. I wonder what the deal is there. Like are we supposed to just accept that of course Noble Phantasms can just casually do things like that by nature of what they are or what

Look, don't think too hard about the hows.

It's the inverse of Fate/Stay Night (and indirectly, Tsukihime) establishing that encapsulating the soul and moving it between bodies without decay is an act of True Magic (it's Heaven's Feel) while Touko's been casually doing it way beforehand and it's not True Magic: don't think too hard about it. Zouken can't live forever without becoming a mass of terrible worms, Roa grows weaker and weaker as he reincarnates in different bodies as a soul parasite, but Touko can just die and revive without issue because she was written before that was well established. In this case, Gae Bolg reversing Cause and Effect is magecraft and not really an act of True Magic even if it sounds like it should, because Nasu was working on an entirely different train of thought by then: Gae Bolg's unavoidable kill success by reversing cause and effect is reliant on the enemy's Luck stat, whatever the hell that actually means (it's only seen on servants and inside Fate).

It should also be said that Aoko's 5th Magic isn't messing with time itself, but the method by which she does it. In Mahoyo, Touko takes the chance to analyze Aoko displaying the 5th Magic and reasons that the 5th Magic could not be Time, as time manipulation could be achieved with the 2nd as well. Since Nasu stated that Goetia's plan was a hint at the 5th Magic's true nature, we can guess that what was actually True Magic is Aoko able to emit energy powerful enough to burn through the fabric of time and manipulate it herself, as that was exactly what Goetia tried to do by incinerating panhuman history.

______

While we're here, do you know what else was established as a hard rule in Mahoyo? Death's permanence. While there are those who cheat death by moving bodies, once someone dies in a permanent way, they're fucking dead and not even True Magic can truly fix it. Aoko uses clever manipulation to get around that problem so it doesn't actually matter, but she can't erase death itself even with her power, only nullify it by messing with time so that it's not a problem for today.

The concept of Servants isn't truly defying death either. A servant is not /the/ soul of the individual who died, but a copy from the soul inside the throne of heroes then generated into the world. The holy grail can't bring back the dead, only allow a shadow (still a person, still them yet not them!) to continue on.

But someone does cheat that. Akiha can keep Shiki alive even as Shiki is so close to dead that the Root's power is manifesting in his eyes without the origin of emptiness that the other Shiki has, and we still don't know exactly how after 23 years of Tsukihime. No other oni has displayed such power, and we've never seen magecraft that allowed someone to develop the true Mystic Eyes of Death Perception, not even Roa (though he thinks he did).

The "how the hell is she keeping someone on the literal border between life and death alive for years" and the implications it has on Type-Moon lore isn't important to Tsukihime, what IS important is how that is just one of the many ways Shiki is trapped inside the Tohno family, and is symbolic of Akiha's own relationship to the Tohno family.

It's about how Akiha upholds the Tohno's name and societal status, but bears their sins and despises them and herself for it. She uses her very life to keep Shiki alive and gaslights him into believing he's her brother, while she murders her actual flesh and blood brother without a care, because that's what it means to bear the cursed name of the Tohno and the sins of her family.

When it comes to Type-Moon lore, you shouldn't think too hard about the hows, because more often than not Nasu's writing to answer the whys instead.

[bigsoftmarshmallow]

Hello! Equal Lady again, but mostly just here to talk about something cool is all.

Did you know that helstromism is more than just not being able to be lied to? It's contact mindreading.

If you've ever seen "Now You See Me" 1 or 2, it'll show you a pretty sensationalized portrayal of it as a concept. But, for the most part, it's still pretty accurate.

You see, when a person is thinking about something, their body reacts automatically to it. Helstromism allows you to reach those reactions. Every little twitch & shift is a book to be read. From the direction that your eyes go, to the minute clenching of your jaw, a muscle flex in the neck, the contracting & dilation of the pupils to indicate if who they see is someone they dislike or like a lot respectively. Brows quickly raising then lowering upon being pleasantly surprised to see someone. Leaning forward when they're listening to someone they find attractive.

All of it is an indication of what's going on inside a person's head. And unless someone has total & complete control of every last part of their body, someone learned in helstromism can basically read their mind just by mentioning the right thing.

So, my Equal Lady would essentially be a master interrogator that wouldn't even need to resort to torture to get the information that she wants.

BTW, totally recommend Now You See Me & it's sequal. Very cool.

Part of me does wonder how the Dorfs would react to her, essentially having mind-reading 'magic' even if she never intends to use whatever she is able to passively glean out of him against him.

But I'd also understand if I've already asked too many questions.

I just think it's a really cool talent, is all. And I can easily see him utilizing the skill to his advantage against his enemies to gain crucial information.

I guess that I see her being a ronin Sheikah assassin for hire. Not a Yiga, just a Sheikah who refuses to work for someone she doesn't respect or trust.

In this way, I see their styles of fighting sort of being opposites that complement each other & make up for what the other doesn't in a similar way to Yin & Yang.

There are never enough asks at the moment, so please bother me as you will, Equal Lady. I appreciate the interractions and you are one of my favorites!

It has been a long time since I've watched "Now You See Me" and the sequel. I adored the movies, and now I will have to watch them again!

As for my personal take on Ganondorf and how he would react to such a very sightful woman, he would feel threatened. He is a master of manipulation and charisma, and a woman (or anyone of the matter) who could see past his mask and facade? Threat. He couldn't handle someone who could see his true emotions. As long as she kept quiet about her skill in the matter and handled what she found out/knew carefully, it would quickly help her ascend to his side. But if he knew? Ohhhhhhh... DANGER.

Here is what ChatGPT had to say on the matter:

The reactions of the different Ganondorfs to a woman who possesses the ability of helstromism—essentially being a master of reading body language and subtle cues—would be multifaceted and deeply influenced by their distinct personalities. Here’s how each Ganondorf might respond:

Ganondorf from "The Wind Waker"

Reflective and Melancholic:

Reaction: This Ganondorf would be deeply intrigued by her ability. Given his contemplative nature, he would respect her skill and see it as a valuable asset.

Good: He would appreciate her intelligence and the depth of her understanding, finding her ability to read him fascinating. He might engage in more profound and philosophical discussions with her, valuing her insights into his thoughts and emotions.

Bad: His melancholic nature might lead to moments of vulnerability, where he feels exposed and uncomfortable with her ability to read him so easily. He could become distant at times, fearing that she might see through his deepest insecurities.

Quote: "Your ability to perceive my thoughts without words is both a gift and a curse. It brings us closer, yet leaves me feeling vulnerable in ways I have never known."

Ganondorf from "Ocarina of Time"

Proud and Domineering:

Reaction: This Ganondorf would be initially irritated by her ability, seeing it as a challenge to his authority and control. However, he would also recognize the potential advantages of having such a perceptive partner.

Good: Over time, he might come to respect her ability, seeing it as a unique skill that complements his own power. He would value her as a strategic asset, someone who can anticipate and counter threats before they manifest.

Bad: His pride might lead to frequent clashes, as he resents the idea of anyone being able to read his thoughts. He could become defensive and attempt to assert his dominance more forcefully, leading to power struggles.

Quote: "Your ability to read my thoughts is impressive, but remember, I am the one who commands. Use your skills wisely, and together, we will be unstoppable."

Ganondorf from "Twilight Princess"

Ruthless and Calculating:

Reaction: This Ganondorf would see her ability as both a valuable tool and a potential threat. He would be impressed by her skill but always wary of her true intentions.

Good: He would appreciate the strategic advantage her ability provides, using it to his benefit in their shared ambitions. He might form a closer alliance with her, trusting her insights while always keeping a part of himself guarded.

Bad: His calculating nature would lead him to constantly analyze her actions, looking for any sign of betrayal or weakness. This could create a tense and suspicious dynamic in their relationship.

Quote: "Your skill in reading the unspoken is invaluable, but remember, trust is a fragile thing. Prove your loyalty, and you will find a powerful ally in me."

Ganondorf from "Hyrule Warriors"

Aggressive and Assertive:

Reaction: This Ganondorf would likely be both impressed and challenged by her ability. His assertive nature would make him initially defensive, but he would quickly see the strategic value she brings.

Good: He would respect her strength and intelligence, finding her ability to read him both fascinating and useful. Her refined and subtle flirting, combined with her genuine interest in him, would intrigue him, leading to a strong and dynamic partnership.

Bad: His aggressive nature might lead to frequent clashes, especially if he feels she is using her ability to manipulate him. He could become frustrated by her insights, feeling exposed and challenged.

Quote: "Your ability to see through me is both a blessing and a curse. It makes you a powerful partner, but beware, for I do not take kindly to being manipulated."

Summary

Wind Waker Ganondorf: Intrigued and reflective, appreciating her insights but occasionally feeling vulnerable and exposed.

Ocarina of Time Ganondorf: Initially irritated but growing to respect her ability, leading to power struggles and a dynamic partnership.

Twilight Princess Ganondorf: Impressed but constantly wary, valuing her as a strategic ally while analyzing her every move.

Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf: Impressed and challenged, respecting her strength and intelligence but prone to clashes over perceived manipulation.

Each Ganondorf’s reaction reflects his personality, balancing admiration for her skills with the inherent challenges of dealing with a partner who can read their thoughts and emotions so effectively.

[mysteryshoptls]

SR Lilia Vanrouge Halloween Personal Story: Part 1

"I shall scare the pants off of you"

Part 1 (Part 2)

[Interior Hallway]

Ace: The Halloween Steering Committee members were meeting somewhere in one of these classrooms, right?

Ace: I got told to come submit an application for the magic we're planning on using for our effects, but…

Ace: Man, Riddle-ryōchō's so impatient, Cater-senpai woulda been back at the dorm soon enough if he had just waited a bit longer.

Sebek: SILVER!!! YOU STILL PLAN ON SLEEPING!?!

Ace: Hm? That loud voice is…

Ace: Yup, just like I thought, Sebek… Oh, and Silver-senpai. Heeey, what are you guys doing here?

Sebek: Hmph… Ace.

Sebek: There are some decorations we want the Young Master and Lilia-sama review, for their approval. We are waiting for the meeting to end.

Ace: Can't you just shoot them a text or something, askin' 'em to let you know when they're done with the meeting?

Ace: That way you don't have to be waiting around here for the meeting to end.

Sebek: How dare you suggest I would use a phone to contact either of them!? I would never be able to do something so impertinent!!!!!

Ace: Uh-huh. Well, don't know how impertinent it is, but I guess we're stuck waiting here together until the meeting is over.

[clamor, clamor]

Ace/Silver/Sebek: …

Silver: Zzz…

Sebek: SILVER! DON'T LEAN AGAINST ME!!!!

Silver: Ah! Apologies.

Ace: Sebek, dude, your voice is way too loud. They're having a meeting in there, so you gotta turn your volume down.

Sebek: Urgh… True, I certainly cannot bother the young master in the course of his duties.

Ace: And he's probably falling asleep 'cause you guys're just standing there, yeah?

Ace: If you're gonna shout at him every time to stay awake, then why don't you tell a cool story or two instead?

Sebek: A cool story, hm. Well, now that you mention it, last night, my liege…

Ace: There it is, "my liege." Yeah, no talking about a topic that's only exciting to you.

Sebek: Why?! He is a topic that should excite anyone!

Ace: Oh hey, here's an idea. Don't you have any interesting tidbits of Halloween in Briar Valley?

Sebek: Halloween doesn't differ much between countries, does it?

Silver: Actually… From what I've heard from my father, Halloween celebrations can differ greatly among countries and cultures.

Silver: The other day, Azul explained how Halloween was celebrated in the Coral Sea, and it is vastly different from both how Briar Valley and this school celebrates it.

Sebek: Wha― Is that true!? …A-Ahem! Then I suppose I can speak a little bit on the matter!

Sebek: In Briar Valley, we carve our lanterns out of wood. I don't believe the purpose changes much from the ones made from pumpkins…

Ace: Cool, what else?

Silver: Also… When the moon is directly overhead in the night sky, scarecrows are set alight in the castle square, and everyone dances around them in costume.

Ace: I see. Kinda feels like a midnight costume dance party.

Sebek: It is not that sort of frivolous affair. It is a festival for ghosts where evil spirits run rampant!

Sebek: …When I think back to that one Halloween 10 years ago, it sends shivers down my spine…

Ace: C'mon～ You're TOTALLY just exaggerating now.

Sebek: THIS IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION!!!!!!

Sebek: YOU CAN ONLY SAY SUCH THINGS BECAUSE YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!!

Silver: He's right… It's just as Sebek says. Halloween in Briar Valley is… truly terrifying…

Ace: Eeh? If even Silver-senpai is saying that, then…

[door creaks open]

Lilia: Sebek, Silver, sorry to keep you waiting. We could hear your voice from inside.

Malleus: I do not mind you waiting for us, but be a little quieter while the meeting is in session.

Sebek: M-My apologies…

Cater: Oh? Hey, Ace-chan's here too. What's up?

Ace: Riddle-ryōchō told me to bring these docs to you, so I came. Here you go.

Ace: And then, I was bored while waiting around for ya, so I asked them about Halloween in Briar Valley…

Ace: But then Sebek got all emotional, and was like, "There is nothing more terrifying!" or whatever.

Cater: Oooh, so Briar Valley's Halloween's that scary?

Cater: I hear that life in Briar Valley basically revolves around magic… Does that mean you guys put up all your decorations with magic, too?

Malleus: Indeed. A majority of the decorations are made with magic, yes. As for how terrifying it is, well, I would say that may differ on the person.

Ace: Seeee, so you guys are just scaredy-cats, huh?

Sebek: No, that's not true…!

Lilia: Kufufu. Regardless of whether Sebek is a "scaredy-cat" or not…

Lilia: It certainly is true that Halloween celebrations in Briar Valley are very different from here on campus.

Cater: Oooh, really? You know, your boy Cay-kun here really likes scary stories! Tell me some, Lilia-chan ♪

Lilia: Right. Well, let me thoroughly regale you some tales, as a knowledgeable ambassador of Briar Valley!

Part 1 (Part 2)

Requested by Anonymous.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Beyond the Lights, Pt 3

Dating Lena isn't easy. If that's even what they're doing. Part of Kara feels like she's simply tagging along for the whirlwind life of Lena Luthor, flitting from interview to recording studio to modelling shoots. But just when Kara is about to call enough and leave, she catches Lena's eye, and the smile that answers that split moment of eye contact makes the stolen hours, minutes, moments between them worth it.

In those stolen moments, Lena finally begins to open up. About her life, her feelings. The fact she wants to write her own songs. The fact she never wanted to sing pop in the first place-- how her true love are the haunting melodies of her homeland, and that one day she wants to bring the lilting style to an eponymous album.

In exchange, Kara shares that while she does actively love her job, she's already wearing thin. The job is tough, and she sees too much for her faith in humanity to remain intact. She doesn't ever want to lose sight of the good in people, but she doesn't know what else she could ever do that could help people in the same way she does now.

It's tender, and somehow more intimate than any sex Kara's ever had. She feels like Lena can see inside her, and as they continue whatever it is they're doing, she slowly discovers that she can read Lena.

She can see how much the pressure of Lena's career weighs on her. She sees the way Lena's eyes flick to her mother when a photographer asks to see more and more skin, and how Lena's jaw tightens when Lillian always gives the greenlight, either ignorant or indifferent to her daughter's discomfort.

Kara sees how uncomfortable Lena is in a room full of people all clamoring for her attention-- or just clamoring for her, attention be damned. At times it seems like Lena is nothing but a doll to them, to be moved this way and that, and that is when Lena is the most frighteningly empty.

Their intimacy comes to a screeching halt, however, when Kara finds out that Lena is in a relationship with fellow recording artist and frequent collaborator Jack Spheer. Lena assures her that it's just for the label, that Jack is gay too, it means nothing... but Kara can't shake the hurt of having to find out from a tabloid first-- and that it means Lena isn't being as honest as she thought.

"So if the press thinks you and Spheer are dating," Kara says carefully, "what exactly do they think we're doing?"

"Does is matter?" Lena asks, sliding her hand over Kara's.

Kara pulls away. "Yes. It matters. I spent too much of my life hiding who I was and who I wanted. I'm not going to do that again."

"What do you expect me to do, Kara? The label is holding my album over my head-- if I don't give them the version of me they want, they'll scrap the whole thing!"

"Why does it even matter? It's not your music! You said you don't even like--"

"I have not worked as hard as I have, sacrificed as much as I have, to see it all go up in smoke."

Kara regards her solemnly. "Then I guess that's it."

"Wait, what?"

"I should go..."

Lena reaches for her, but Kara pulls away, already reaching for her keys and jacket. "Kara, wait, please--"

"Good bye, Lena."

She pretends not to hear the sob in Lena's chest as she pushes out the door and heads home.

[tired-needs-sleep]

twilight music box

note: set in the evening on halloween. lots of mentions of @fangaminghell 's ocs, mostly asra.

it was times like these where she wished she wasn't so emotional about everything.

kisaragi lay on her bed, on their stomach, as usual. in front of them was a music box. it had long ago stopped playing, since they hadn't wound it back up to play the familiar melody. at the thought, they shifted to lean on their right arm to free their dominant side. they carefully lifted the lid, as if it would shatter if they touched it too recklessly.

inside was a picture of everyone. cande, asra, mena… even little xia and gabi.

she reached out to brush fingers against the photo. everyone… they cared. about them. for some reason. they cared enough to go out of their way for her..?

well, it was her birthday, in theory anyways.

still.

why? there was so much wrong with them- why would anyone want to stick around someone like them? they weren't good at expressing much of anything positive. they always managed to slip up somehow on missions. bad luck seemed to follow them like their styx did. sometimes they said the wrong thing or didn't word it correctly or good enough and-

shit, they were crying again.

she wasn't sure what else to do. she had cried over this music box earlier as well- right before cande gave them their new bracelets. they rested on their wrists now. they didn't exactly match their usual attire, but that didn't matter to her. they were precious, and there was no better way to appreciate them than to wear them.

it was.. a strange feeling, something unfamiliar, so much so it felt almost wrong. they hadn't done anything to deserve it all. she knew the others would tell them that they don't need to do anything. that them being there was enough, and they wanted to believe it. truly. but.. some part of them whispered in their mind. it's all fake, it would say. they're lying to you. they don't really feel this way.

she knew that wasn't true. yet no matter where they ran or where they banished the thought, it always came back like whatever gang dared to lurk in the undercity. no matter how hard they tried to earn it, it was never enough. nothing is ever good enough. she could never get rid of it. it follows her. it won't leave for good–

she ruffled her own hair with a short growl.

…?

upon realizing what noise she just made, stopped in her tracks. that was.. not the usual human growl. it was more cat-like, if a little lower.

…good thing nobody heard that…

they were already getting teased by everyone about their love for seafood…

being reminded of everyone else and what she was doing before their mind wandered, she looked back at the music box, flopping back down to the comfortable lay they were in before they had scrambled up out of sheer frustration.

they wound it back up, longing to hear the recording of asra's piano once again.

after a few notes, their body suddenly was very heavy. they caught their eyes closed a few times, but they flew open whenever they realized what was happening.

it was hard to fight. they already were shifting into an even more comfortable position in preparation for sleep. they didn't know why. every time asra played.. they had an urge to go listen, and eventually they would be there, then the next it was morning, or in the middle of the night if it were early enough. it was another strange occurrence for them- sleep never came as easily without. they'd frown if the idea of making any other expression felt like too much work at the moment.

it was a deadly trap, from the looks of it. they wanted to hear the music again, over and over again, but without failure, they were swept into their own urge to go rest.

i never get to hear the end…

guess they wouldn't hear the end this time, either.

[companionwolf]

Bad Things Happen Bingo Fill #2

Fandom: original fiction; this is a first try at the general ending for my Twine game Too Much Love about sentient toys, the post apocalypse, and the human who woke up transformed.

Prompt: trying not to cry

TWs/CWs: post apocalyptic environment (namely nuclear), heavily implied end of humanity, the toys not understanding at all, child death

You're standing on the porch.

It's still so strange from this perspective, the world wider than it ever was when you were physically human. You'll never get used to it.

You look up to the dark sky, and what you know now are not snowflakes dust your furry cheeks. Your gaze runs across the empty street, the long burnt husks of neighboring homes, the banks of what is not snow.

There is no sun. It's cold.

Against a garage door you see the carbon imprint of two bodies-- one adult, one child sized. The adult looks like they were trying to shield the child from position of the burnt in shadows. Your chest hurts, and you feel your eyes moisten, but that's not possible now.

Behind you the sound of Jane pushing her way through the mail slot, followed by Cinnamon Bun, Fish, and Snowflake. They come to stand next to you, gaze out at the remains of everything.

The black GSD plushie cocks her head at the ashfall, goes and pokes some from where it's been swept up onto the porch. Her paw comes away streaked gray and she huffs. "I don't understand," she says. "What is this?"

"Snow," says Fish, matter of fact.

Jane shakes her head. "Snow is wet," she says.

Snowflake is looking at you. "What is it?" it asks, and it motions for the others to stay quiet as you try to gain enough composure to reply.

"Fallout," you say finally. "It's nuclear fallout." It's nuclear winter, really, you think numbly.

"What?"

The faux tears threaten to spill over, and you hate this, you hate being this thing that feels so alive and real but isn't, you dont want to be this or do this anymore -- you want out.

Besides, the world you know is gone. You can see that plain as day, buried under false snow and burnt away.

"Humans make many things that are incredible," you explain. It's very hard to talk through the unreal lump in your throat. "Some of those things are dangerous. Things that would end everything if they're used. I guess-- I guess someone pushed the button finally. The end of the world as we know it." A pause. "Knew it."

"Why would they use those things, then?" Fish sounds vaugely annoyed. "Stupid humans."

"A mistake, a poor choice," you say.

You're staring blankly at the ashes as they fall, blanket the quiet skeleton of everything you ever understood. Nothing is left. Not for humanity.

"I don't get why they'd made something that could destroy the world in the first place," Cinnamon Bun says.

You don't answer.

Jane's turn to look at you. "If this ... nuclear fallout was done by humans, and now the human world is gone, does that mean our human is too?" For the first time, you hear true fear in her voice. You don't look back at her.

"Yeah," you say, because that's true, isn't it? You're not a human anymore. A person, maybe, but not a human. You haven't been since you woke up.

Besides, you've relented on trying to convince them otherwise, that you're who you say. It's better this way, you think. Let humanity--

The pusedo pulse in your nonexistent veins jumps. Are you the last? The last human, in whatever capacity that that's possible, given your physical state, given your new nonhumanity? The thought burns like you imagine you should have when the bombs dropped however long ago. You don't know.

You don't know.

Someone says your name. It isn't your name.

"I don't want to be the last." Your voice cracks. So badly you want to cry, so hard you try not to.

"Last? Last of what?" Cinnamon Bun has their paws on their hips. "We're right here. Everyone else is inside the house. Just the humans are gone."

"We should go find them," says Jane. You shake your head, get the sense she's frowning at you when you do that. "Why not? Our human might be out there. Maybe they and others are safe."

"Maybe," you reply after a long stretch of silence.

They aren't. Even if there are people left, radiation would have killed them off by now. The world goes blurry; your lack of a heart in your throat. Toys barely understand death. They don't get it, won't get it.

You're the last. You're alone.

And the dam breaks-- there aren't really tears running down your cheeks, but you can feel them anyway, the sensation of moisture and screwed up face. Snowflake is beside you, quietly asking what's wrong-- do you miss our human? are you afraid for them? its okay.

"It's not okay," you answer.

The world has ended. Humanity is dead, yours included-- by some miracle you thought you'd find some miracle when you got outside, that the world out here was alright, but really you've known since you heard about the Great Light and the gray snow. You didn't want to believe it, pushed it out of your mind-- both the apocalypse and the fact you'll never really be you again.

Snowflake is up on its hind legs, flops its bean bag body against yours in some facsimile of a hug. You close your eyes (or at least feel like you do) and take a shuddering breath in, then out.

If you don't look, it's all okay beside the deathly quiet. If you don't look, don't focus, you're still human. Your chest rises and falls, you feel yourself inhaling, exhaling-- nothing is wrong.

"We should go back inside and begin to prepare for journeying beyond," says Jane. "We need to move fast. Our human could be in great danger."

The moment shatters.

You open your eyes that were never closed. Snowflake has dropped off of you. Fish and Cinnamon Bun wait expectantly for Jane to continue; she leads the way back through the mail slot. You watch them head inside, staying out on the porch near the door.

The sky is dark, there is no sun, the ash fallsn and you are the last human, except not really. But it's not like humanity has much of a choice.

The weight of all the human history you know hangs on you, followed by all that you don't. Someone from inside the house calls out to you-- come on, you'll get fallout in your seams!

Toys aren't much to rebuild society with, you think. But somehow, they'll have to be enough.

You'll have to be, too.

[badheart]

"don't turn into a host." mako warned while downing on his can of beer. the stress of the night prior, still weighing on his shoulders. "doesn't matter if you're nice... girls will find a way to pin the blame on you even when you remind 'em they're paying for a service." acting as if they were maliciously deceiving them. "i had one accuse me of being a total fraud, even though she knew... & then acted like everything was a lie despite all the sacrifices i did for her." earning less than he would've done on a night, giving up his rank as number one, among other things... it left a sour taste in his mouth. "she doesn't even see how much of a girlfriend she was starting to act like... asking me to hold her, reassure her... even go as far as throw a tantrum whenever i was busy." guilting him, pressuring him... the life of a host wasn't so glamorous, after all. a sigh escaped her. "i tried to be nice, be her friend, but she was acting so uninterested... it made me feel she didn't really value me after i didn't meet her standards."

"Oh my..." The great Mako had fallen, not something he had ever thought to witness, considering nothing seemed to be able to bring him truly down and honestly girls seemed to be a better topic with Dae or even Sunny, considering they were in the same business and Won-ho was pretty much still a virgin. Nothing that had ever bugged him too much but with age sure some embarrassment grew. This was not about him now, but Mako, who appeared rather depressive over what happened the night before.

"Not that I ever planned to, the girl's stuff I rather leave to you guys," he admitted with a quiet chuckle, before looking rather concerned towards Mako. How bad must it have been, that he was that down over it? "Sounds like someone fell for you," Won-ho mumbled the more info was shared, and he actually ordered soju next for them once Mako emptied his can. He really wished he had some wise words, but his experience was truly a joke. "I guess, when you end up crushing on someone, and he does not return those feelings everyone would be hurt, ... and I guess... possibly turn malicious." Now he was thinking of all the dramas he had watched, but how close were movies to reality? "When it is about true love, humans sure tend to act impetuous, doing the most stupid stuff. I wonder if she really meant it or not, maybe she thinks differently about her words now..." He could only assume, before moving closer to Mako and wrapping his arm around his shoulders. "You truly picked a tough business." There he preferred his supermarket. "I always wondered how not every girl falls directly in love with you guys."

He would listen further, nodding. "Why... did you do those sacrifices though?" Did he do them with all clients of his? "Did you actually like her a bit too? ... or was it something like pity?" If the latter, then he would be less surprised that she possibly threw a tantrum or felt hurt, that he put this extra effort in just because. Though she did not sound like a total angel either and it made Won-ho question even more, why Mako still tried to please her. "Were you afraid of her?" He quietly asked in his ear, before quickly moving back, fully expecting Mako not to react too well.

"Hmm... I'm sorry, bro," he mumbled, leaning his chin on top of his folded hands. Currently imagining some girl spitting fire in Mako's direction in a very comedic way. "Looks like she really forgot about your own boundaries with falling so hard for you. But aren't hugs and such common practice in a host club?" It felt like, he still lacked details. "Whatever you did, at some point the lines started to blur... did you two... ... had sex?" He asked quietly, knowing they offered extra services. "... so you did try to be her friend?" Won-ho noted and gave Mako a pat. "Perhaps there lays the fault, that you failed a bit too to keep it inside the business." Of course profit was the main goal, but it looked like Mako got a bit soft on the girl, but sadly she interpreted is an act of love. "Huh, ... tough." Both felt at fault for him, though he would still side with Mako more, knowing he probably meant no ill will towards her with everything he did.

"Do you need a hug?" He offered and smiled a bit, trying his act as a host, or rather as a good friend.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary305

7/20-21/24

saturday - sunday

feeling semi unhappy for no real reason.

nothing happened really, i just feel so distant from 90% of everyone. impossible to really express like anything, or i dunno. i can't be, i just can't, or something. this doesn't even factor in with the people in my life who i talk to a lot more, who like, mean more to me, than just being, less than acquaintances even, just people i may talk to in a place full of other people, it's being subject to a cafeteria or dining hall as a total social spectacle, rather than like, my friends, even. people i don't even barely know, just people who are evident in public, capable of that, you know. as always, i guess half the point of my self, in situations like that, is that i am uncomfortable to be around, i do it to myself, i guess. but really the alienating factor is one of faith. it's so weird when people pine to be religious. i will never understand. i hate to be like that but actually no i don't and it's not that i'm like that, i was just raised catholic and i'm forever haunted by it, seeing people be like, i wish i were capable of having faith, and the espousing stuff about the universe or how the world is more than meets the eye but that can't find faith for that, it just bothers me, because i'm stuck haunted by notions which led to my abuse, these same senses of meaning, of feeling meaning out, of strictness and adherence to something which produces meaning, it literally produced me as the object of a fantasy of demonic possession, strict faith, true belief, it brings no serenity, it's just pure terror, at the bottom, it's just a bunch of terror in people, i guess no one's ever secure in anything, never ever, but it just bothers me. it's always internet people that make me feel that. anyone who does believe, that's another story, they do and that's that, i just can't stand people who go off and wish they convert, they do a little while, convert back, always hunting for what people like my stepmother possessed and what that is was total horror, nothing good in the world existed, especially not in oneself, you were up next at the scaffold for hanging and then you would be measured, done away with. i've seen too often the sorry things that happen to people who only have that. maybe that's not what they talk about. i mean it obviously isn't. it just feels connected. religiosity gives so many people some convenience, they assume only upon gaining access to that, they can begin to unravel the sublime or whatever, in truth you submit that whole portion of existence to a rubric, you make use of it.

anyway. i don't mean to be like that... really... what does it matter ultimately... it just feels so... i dunno... it's people who spend too much time on twitter at the end of the day, reaching for something like profundity, wanting something other than that, i'd want anything else too i guess.

i'm just being condescending. i don't mean to. i just can't articulate these thoughts well. i'm not even sure if i'm totally agreeing with myself. it just feels negative, at the end of all of it, i dunno. it's not that i think they're going to turn abusive, i just feel like i've been there, i've seen it, i've seen faith, inside of a person, anything that happened to me, that doesn't even matter, i have seen faith inside of a person and it's this absorption of doctrine, and adherence, and gluing oneself to that, following the line, and at the highest levels people may have visions, heaven, whatever, but as one stays the path, all the heat of those visions is not much more than a nectar which subsists a long and cold suffering, an attempt at atonement for nothing in particular which is far too much, hazel motes wrapped in barbed wire, my stepmother in her bed ill, always ill and her back killing her slowly, immobile, and when mobile, judging the whole earth, when she thinks herself dying, she was sorry, the path was stuck, the visions of god, of heaven, of judgment arrive, your life is the dialectic of fear. i cannot stand it, and maybe i am too catholic, but i can't manage any other vision, i see it all in so much, and god means nothing to me. perhaps i am just rebelling fruitlessly, maybe i really still believe all the horror deep down without the escape, maybe this is the tragedy of bataille, of anyone, raised in that, i burn off faith in god and anything beyond material, but this tragic vision remains, the terror of the shadow burned into the air around me, everything else. i don't like that anyone should want this experience. there is no peace in church, only this great howling, failure at harmony in sermon, only ritual which loses all waste, there is nothing at all.

of course, no one could know this is what i feel, or what anyone thinks, it's insane to even think this would come to people's minds, it doesn't, maybe that i feel it should, they won't experience this though. they will read the bible, they will learn, they'll feel things in their hearts. they will not beg god for any number of things, they will confess, they might be forgiven, i never could be, i was not baptized, i was hovering through, subject without operation i suppose. it will go on like this for others, they might emerge unhappy as well.

all these thoughts are, in the end, all anyone could really say to this is "well, that's true for you," and it is and that's the end of that. just a dimness here, nothing else.

putting it in words really doesn't make it any better. and i feel so inarticulate. i guess it's good. i will go and try to write from this. i did earlier, too.

i think it was productive in other writing, so it's not a waste, something is quelled for now at least. but it's always defeat for me. no matter what, that's why i keep doing anything though. so i want to lose, honest! i really mean it.

maybe loving failure means i am not cut out to care about politics, or maybe it just means i am a very good communist. at the end of the day...who cares... really... i dunno. i guess i do. but only enough to make myself sad.

anyway, here are some selfies from yesterrrdddayyyyy,,,,:

without the funny glasses... idk why i felt it was necessary to take this one... also i need to clean tha mirror. it makes me feel #stupid.

definitely tooooo many... but whatever. i am glad i did the funny myspace angle, or kind of the myspace angle. i guess it's myspace when you're holding the cam way out and point it at yrself.

also really hilarious to look through my selfies while listening to crystal castles. i am a joke , to my self.

ofc it is their first record, also, cuz i really like the scuzziness of that in particular.

anyway, cuz of my #freakout i got a bunch of writing out of myself today. i also did work on music, one song for the ep, i worked on mixing that, and then i decided this week i'll try that song contest thing, w/ the samples. i guess it's one that's easier on me, tomorrow we'll see how i do, but it's basically just that we have to use any sample cd we want and then use some of those to make a song. i decided to try and do something dance-y, rather than just straight punk-y noisy stuff, just because, idk, i feel like i ought to try to keep that exercised. the song i think tomorrow i'm gonna do some last minute changes, because i don't really like the opening atm, it's kind of a weird vestigial idea to what emerged as i wrote the thing out. it turned into, idk, it's hard to describe, but really it feels like the kinda thing i tend to make, when i am trying to make anything poppy/catchy, a lot of melodies overlapping and overly energetic drumszszszszsz. i also feel like i cheated because i only used the samples for drums but idk. i like writing my own melodies. i don't like having to work around a set thing melodically, not because it makes it hard to write it just feels like, it sticks you in a direction.

i guess that's obvious. maybe i could try to find something that harmonizes w/ it though. idk, though. honestly that doesn't feel so important. it's just my m.o. at this point to show up and have something that's just someone kind of fucking around and show that off.

anyway... here's a cute photo i found of a pullip x melody crossover. i feel like it's been a very long time since i've seen melody look so simple...

i guess it's because she is usually not red... or... is that newer? yeah it seems so. it used to be red cuz she was depicted as little red riding hood at first. maybe this is my calling. get really into sanrio lore... i mean no tbh i am not a sanrio head, i prefer looking at these old dolls but that is a fun idea.

wow . look at this pullip. her name is "withered" .

her "feel like so" is:

Feeling cold wind through my cheek. Walking fallen leaves tree avenue aimlessly, to the places someone or something waiting for me…..

-withered pullip.

#wow #insane #beautiful poetry imo.

the botched translation too, really adds to a genuine kind of beauty to it. walking fallen leaves tree avenue aimlessly. i feel like this has to be spread around or something . maybe i need to steal this for something.

also wow:

beautiful friendship.

ok last one but this one's feel like so is like demented:

I have been exposed to the cold rain since I can remember….. Tears are peanut & helplessness. ……Feel like so.

should i write my little preamble thing before the diary entry as a feel like so every day? maybe i should just do it sometimes, as a little exercise. the broken grammar / style would be a fun exercise as well. imagining myself as writing these feel like so things as a kind attempt to attack prefab stuff a la surrealists, or an attempt to dig into the subterranean matter contained within the notion of the feel like so format. the poetics of feel like so. obviously silly but maybe this is something that could work well with ddrawing? which i still need to work on #bitingoffmorethanicanchewbecauseiamlikecrazyweakandstuff.

anyway i need to sleep. i am tiredddd!

so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[legoflowercrucifix]

my religious rant while I wait for my painting to dry

honestly I'm not quite sure what I am intending to do here but I just needed to get a few things out my mind, its easter after all and what other time of the year could I possibly use to question religion and my place in it. to clarify i was raised a weird mix of Christian and roman catholic and mainly the Hispanic version of it all.

Growing up, I remember waking up and putting on my best dress and sandals to go sit in the pews and listen to some old man rant about the bible and its intentions. I was disconnected to it all, i don't think I ever submitted to it fully(much less now), more bothered by how itchy the dress was or how long i had to sit still and quiet.

Moving to the US, what little religious identity I had was put aside with new priorities, we tried new churches every once in a while but it has not truly stuck. We still say grace at meals and i pray whenever i remember to(which isn't very often if i think about it), but we aren't extremely dedicated. I like to say its a casual thing, more about the habit than true faith for me, unlike my parents who actually believe.

I am queer, and I cant say I have any super hidden amounts of religious guilt because of it, more like minor reminders every once in a while that there's a chance when I die Ill be denied the pearly gates because i stared a little too long in the scene in Aladdin where Jazmin is dancing for Jaffar, or I drew tigress from Kung Fu Panda a little too much, but nothing that truly keeps me up at night.

Part of me feels guilty simply for not believing as much as I want to, since now I understand that my queerness and religion can live side by side, and I want to believe in something but i don't fully put all my faith and trust in it like I should.

Most of the time I don't know who or what God is, sometimes God is this disconnected figure i pray to in the middle of my math test, sometimes god is the rosary hanging on my door, sometimes god is a distant parent who i keep forgetting to call, sometimes God is my mom as I hold her tight, sometimes god is a net pulsing inside the walls like mold, sometimes god is just an ideal i hold on to when life feels a little too cold and alone.

I don't know if having faith is a choice, is it a feeling? do people who have faith in whatever religion they follow just do so blindly and wholeheartedly? is that what faith is, to not have all the answers yet still believe you are right? to trust in something you cant see to hold you in its arms when you fall?

I mostly believe(or like to think i believe) that God set all the atoms and particles of the universe into place and stood back to watch things play out, like a child with an ant farm or someone's science fair experiment that got a little too into the growing bacteria aspect and caused a school wide flu outbreak. And after infecting the entire school, the kid(God) kinda just stood back and watched the mayhem breakout because what was he gonna do? stop the spread?

Maybe faith is just liking the idea that some entity beyond our comprehension and understanding that is infinitely more powerful than us loves and believes in us, even if we don't, that the mercy it provides is proof that there are better things out there waiting for us, that the reason they don't step in and stop the atrocities committed by humanity is because it needs us to learn, to stand on our own, like a parent watching a child lean back on a chair too much, knowing no matter what they say, nothing will stop them except the feeling of hitting the floor, and a sound "I told you so".

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have a weirdly parental and complicated relationship with God, and just like with my actual father, maybe i should give him a call more often, just to know that they're still there. Religion brings me little comfort, more questions than answers, and maybe that's how it will always be for me, maybe I will never find the satisfaction of knowing what it is like to fully believe, but maybe I can sit in my little limbo and think of religion in terms of my family, a sacrifice I make for them, hanging up the rosary not because it itself is protecting me but because it was a gift from someone who cares and protects me, saying grace before eating because my mothers hands are truly blessed, praying that my father is safe because maybe God wont do it for me but they'll do it for him, maybe believing and faith is a group effort.

[the-firebird69]

Yo Gotti - Rake It Up ft. Nicki Minaj

It looks like this we have a huge problem and this is look like helpful solution but it really does no if these cars go there they come here and want money and stuff what should I do avoid you. I don't understand what you're saying we're another impediment in front of his survival and we want to serve the empire we don't really want to but that's what we're doing.

Stan

It's kind of a tough formula if you do this we're top side and these people get excited and it says so what I get territory and we're just going to fight the empire eventually or someone else and hand it over and to the empire and that's what I'm saying he has a point I said we're making him do the job just let him sit there and get pissed off and do nothing else and the empire The empire is encouraging this type of thing to occur but they need that s*** out of the way is the currency occurring to me that they need that s*** out of the way and we're just sitting here being assholes feels like as well I can send some of it out and then you might actually buy cars and it's true this is a pain in the ass you guys want everything for nothing and just for bothering him and what he says is I don't like to be bothered so going to go over again in class or whatever you want to call it because you don't listen at all stan

Mac daddy

So we're supposed to sit there and take it like a man but really these people fight the other people they said wow no way is it because of race I don't find these idiot racist to be racist in any way. So he couldn't say it I have no one can say it's a massively racist and they're dumb as a post and they look like Billy Hicks

Stan

What you're saying is if you bring them Lamborghinis on Corvette chassis for the Corvette engine that they'll come here and mess around with people and other places so why don't we just do that and Terry cheesman says no and everybody says no but really they're going to be messing with us and I can care less

Trump

Are you the guys stopping people at the border

Zues Hera

Yeah I guess so you don't do anything anymore and we don't go anywhere and we don't hire anyone but we expect everything

Trump

We're going to have to test this idea out it seems interesting to me

Thor Freya

We could also get parts for Corvette and quite easily as a matter of fact we can get new engines and suspension tires and rims and accessories easier than for these used cars that there's tons of it's amazing you never think this is true but you can't this car is so fast and it's really nice and stock and people just don't go out and buy as many as they could it's really weird it's like the super car and it's cheap and anyone can buy one and it just sits there I've seen Corvettes sit on the car lots for a year yet they go like almost 300 miles an hour and inside is real nice I don't know what the hell is with people it's so damn strange

And yeah the models in the video are popular it looks like a Ferrari versus the Lamborghini and I'm in the pink room and that one is famous where we are no not Los Angeles thank you though yeah it's famous there we're famous there and we used to watch YouTube around and doing nothing these people are so stupid and lame he has a fun party everybody was huge and these people were there faking their black there's so much fun he says it was boring and just really awful most of the time since this kid going out with his parents and they weren't there of course but these people are demented parents and he's trying to tell him you're not my parents he's trying to tell him to get off and with that cuz it's like abusive and that makes sense they've adopted him and we're not doing anything that's pretty insightful of us

Nikki yes not spelled exactly right

Olympus

[squelsh]

good morning, 2424. welcome to the world

it's weird how i treat taking my medications. at night, i take the white capsule with a green stripe. the triangle white tablet with a cut in the center. the huge colorless tablet vitamin, "for my immune system" (who am i even trying to impress with it?), water, the little blue pill i keep under my tongue. that's enough for me to take care of what's wrong with me without me needing to keep what they are in my mind. they don't have names, they don't do anything. i just treat myself to look at and sort colors like a crow trained to put the right shape of blocks in the right shape of hole.

it's not ignored to me; if someone asks, i can list off what i'm taking and how much. it is true that i take w, x, y, and z medications every day. it is true that the schwarzschild radius is a gross oversimplification of black hole formation. it is true that the sky is blue. these are just facts of reality. what do they have to do with me? the medications i take, and why i take them, aren't a part of me. they're just a part of the reality around me, which is the same identical reality surrounding you. my meds don't matter to you. it's the same reality. why should i care either if nothing between us changed? i can ignore what's wrong with me so long as i know it's real.

it's 14 minutes left of christmas here. my present was painful burning in my throat, but also my first experience with chest tenderness. it was in the house without any knives. i spent the last three days surrounded by family. i didn't have a moment to myself even when i was asleep. i guess i am too weak, but i figured if there was something sharp nearby i could stab myself and go to the hospital. bad choice in the long run, but i'd be able to have some time to myself, at least. i looked around in all of the drawers, but the furniture had only just moved in, so of course any cutlery wasn't there either. i just slumped down on the wall and cried.

two days later i got a nice flannel jacket, a cookbook, and that feynman memoir. i cried then too. it felt weird over the last 40 days seeing the family attitude around me change. "it feels like your entire life you were staggering in place, and you're only now moving forward." he doesn't know about that fourth medication i take every night. would he still think i'm moving forward anymore? but it got me some security, oh well. the meds are stored in a false-labeled box behind a false back in my locked filing cabinet.

that filing cabinet, and what's inside of it, is the only thing i think i own. my dad said that after my oldest sister moves out, he's not moving anyone else ever again. he's getting old. i phrased it like a joke, to hide the actual concern i was testing: "oh, looks like i'd better move out soon before she does so i can get moving help while i can!"

"there wouldn't even be anything to move, i couldn't help you with anything in the first place"

the cat is so so large. she's not overweight, i've found; she really is just an impressively huge and thick cat. she loves me way too hard. i'm worried for when she moves out with my sister.

i'm eating a lot more. over winter, my parents stay home more often, so it's the only condition in which there's actually food around. i really want to gain weight, and i hope i keep whatever weight i gain this season. i've learned some good skills for food preservation and calorie maximization the past year as well. hopefully the next one should be easier thanks to that.

The model 2424 Analytical Nephelometer is a special adaptation of the Hach 2100A Laboratory Turbidmeter designed to minimize the effects of color interferences in turbidity measurement.

[a-tale-never-told]

Funny you're so passionate about cars Kaz. Because in our time, it's JAPAN who leads the world in car design and production. Hondas Subarus, Nissans, all coming from the Land of the Rising Sun. I'd say cars are your country's biggest export next to anime and weird sex toys

Well, we always had a reputation for reliable and well-made vehicles, so I'm totally glad we still have that reputation in your reality, except more widespread. Honestly, I'd never even thought of Japanese cars being exported at all. Usually, they are more confined around Japan, so you never hear news of Japanese exports, except for the anime stuff, but that's Midarai's topic.

Even though I like some raw engine power and the greasy smell of oil flowing through my veins, it's still not enough for me. Sure, a muscle car can take you at exhilarating speeds of about 80-132mph, and give you a thrill nowadays, but when that ride eventually ends, you don't feel the same kind of excitement or awesome factor that you felt before, y'know?

Same thing when it comes to airplanes, you feel that incredible excitement when you step aboard a flight, whether you're traveling or on official business, but when you arrive at your destination, you lose that sense of excitement and adventure that you once had. Don't get me wrong, I'm passionate about both, but there's a substantial lack of mystery and hunger for the unknown that I want to experience.

But when it comes to spaceships, they're automatically the best machines in history! No other machine has ever made me so pumped about being the Ultimate Mechanic. It's THE most freakin' badass thing I've seen in my life, and nothing generates this feeling of awesomeness than space travel.

Hmm.. interesting. Care to elaborate more on why you think rocketships are the ultimate machines?

Glady! To me, spaceships emphasize the three main principles of why I became a mechanic in the first place. First and foremost, it has some of the rawest and sickest power I've ever witnessed. Did you know that the maximum top speed of the Saturn V rocket that launched the Apollo 11 crew into orbit was around 25,000mph?! That's faster than a damm bullet, and it was using around 20 tons of fuel per second!

P-Per second?

Yep! The Second principle is that the total size of the damm thing was about 6.2 million pounds and 910kg! Which is the equivalent of 400 elephants! That rocket was the undisputed king of engine power and gigantic weight. Honestly, I'm still confused as to how the hell NASA managed to pull it all off without the rocket exploding in their face!

And the third, most fundamental principle of all is, that when I eventually get a girlfriend, I'd like to officially take her to observe the stars with me, because that's honestly the beauty of space exploration, besides venturing into the unknown. After all, the night sky looks absolutely beautiful from down here, but why enjoy seeing the view from down here, when you can observe it at the front?

But, uh, there's just one issue with that. It's that no matter how much hard work and effort I put into making such an awesome machine, there's no way I can give a chick a ride in one, especially inside a spaceship.

It's true...If you get motion sickness in a car, you'd have a really awful time inside a spaceship. But a fantasy is honesty very you, I guess. If you ever overcome motion sickness, I can totally imagine you riding a motorcycle with a girl.

Who knows? Maybe that girl will be willing to come aboard a spaceship with you someday, and you guys will be able to observe the glowing stars from within the galaxy itself.

...

So you think so too? I mean... it's normal... to think like that... right?

Why wouldn't it be normal? After all, that's the power of imagination. You can constantly invent and be creative with whatever's at your disposal, and conduct different ideas and theories than what the mainstream population believes in. After all, you have to be rather talented and innovative to become the Ultimate Mechanic, right?

I suppose...

[cubedmango]

once again thanks so much for putting up with my long ass ramblings, and you're welcome too :-) it actually took me a few hours to finish typing out all of it, plus that sort of post-script message afterwards, but it's not like i did it all in one go and there were breaks in between, so it's fine haha. i genuinely appreciate your concern though :') and that's the power of a relatively new fixation i'm really excited about i guess? wjdfjkcnvzs though i did cobble some parts of it from tentative posts and meta i've had in my drafts for a while now, so they're not totally things i had to come up with on the spot the other day at least. and that's okay (i do like what i've seen of your writing though), like obviously no pressure to feel as dedicated as i am when it comes to talking about my blorbos and glup shittos and whatnot - your actual passion for the media is what matters and that ofc manifests in cool different ways for each of us 🫡 [1/?]

(rest below)

ah i'm glad my description of build was intriguing enough for you! i hope i didn't seem like i was laying it on too thick with my constantly paralleling and comparing it to aa though - i mean at first glance, the narratives of aa and build could not seem more different, but in hindsight they both prominently deal with the concepts of truth, justice, corruption, redemption/atonement, identity, and family and friendship in their own ways (though ig that's probably true of kr in general, which then makes sense as for how toku would feature as a major element in many aa cases), even if not always perfectly in either series, but the effort is generally appreciated and still pretty compelling imo. and i really love aa too (i actually discovered your blog and your twitter through your very cool and beautiful aa fanart a while back, and then when i started watching cm, i was pleasantly surprised to also see your fanart in the tumblr tags, so it was nice to see some of my interests align with that of an artist i liked and followed <3) so finding ways to make analogies between whatever i'm currently into with one of my favorite franchises ever seemed like the natural next step haha [2/?]

also let me just say that ryusen is one of the few m/m couples to get me this obsessed apart from narumitsu and the like over the past several years, so that's really my best way of recommending them. again, idk if that will truly be your experience too by the end, but hopefully you'll still find something to like about their dynamic so my being this much of a shill for them won't feel embarrassing later on kjvbrhsfjs [3/?]

and yeah the rings!! they're far from the only gay-coded kr duo to get that kind of official romantic jewelry ofc, but they were apparently one of the first to really make it popular, so yeah their overall cultural impact sure is something to not be underestimated lol. and yup i've found that it's actually fairly common for many companies behind popular japanese media to go for selling that kind of merch, regardless of the actual canonicity of the pairing in question - like capcom, toei/p-bandai, etc. are aware that there's sizeable enough shipping fanbases for said media, and yeah ig selling that stuff while not having the guts to actually canonize said pairings can come off as pretty baity which is not really Great but well that's capitalism and queer/fujobaiting for you ig 😔 and here's what the sento/banjou rings look like btw: www . tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/190132806767/a-new-entry-into-the-growing-selection-of though i can't share a picture of it rn, their names (spelled as sento kiryu and ryuga banjo) are also inscribed on the insides of their respective individual rings :-) [4/?]

as for the 'silly little rabbit with a death wish' part of that post... hehe. you'll Get it if/when you get there >:) btw sento's given name literally means 'rabbit tank' and banjou's given name ryuuga means 'i'm a dragon' iirc (although the former having that name actually has a good in-universe explanation for once, but the latter definitely has no such excuse 😭) - tbh kr (+ other toku franchises i'm sure) is right up there with aa in terms of often corny yet still charming pun names, but because they're mostly in japanese and don't have localized english equivalents, one doesn't always get it right away but i suppose that's what google and wiki are for lol and actually one other particular example that's stood out to me so far is the name of the protagonist from ex-aid (the one played by iijima from odt, and yeah he, inukai, and akaso all knew each other from their time in kr because their shows also had its own crossover movie which also featured a bunch of other popular previous rider protagonists), which is the season immediately preceding build, because it's literally houjou emu - houjou as a pun on the japanese word for 'assistance,' and emu as in short for 'emulator' and derived from the japanese word for 'smile,' because guess what that season was about? doctors who are gamers. so yeah subtlety.exe nowhere to be found here lmao [5/?]

and hell yeah feel free to join me in the madness ^_^ toku can be one hell of a rabbit (lol) hole though, so it might lead you to become interested in other shows and movies of the medium/genre, in which case we'll be in this together as i'm also still beginning to get into other kr shows in particular (like after i finish build, i think i'll be focusing on the earlier heisei seasons of ooo, den-o, or maybe kuuga). as for where to watch it, i don't have one particular strong rec for a site rn, but what i've gone for are kissasian (kissasian . fm/info/kamen-rider-build) or toku . fun (toku . fun/post/watch-online-kamen-rider-build-full-series-49-episodes-english-sub) - obviously kissasian is more of a general site for which to watch asian dramas on, but that's if you don't mind ads popping up every so often and also the subs used are not very consistent like the source for one episode's translation could be a different team/person from the previous episode's, whereas toku . fun is specifically an archive for toku shows and movies, and is more consistent with the subs and is basically ad-free iirc, albeit i think i've also heard said subs on there described as 'usually the most accurate but also the least funny/entertaining' (ig bc tvnihon, their source, tends to err on the side of 'purism' when translating), so whichever is more your style in the end? i personally switch back and forth between the two sites, purely on the basis of if there's a translation i'm not satisfied with, even if i don't know how actually accurate it is lol on a side note, build's opening song 'be the one' by pandora feat. beverly is a nice jam, and it has an official english version where i think the lyrics (+ the original japanese version too) are something that would make one come to realize just how much they fit sento and banjou's relationship by the end of the show :') [6/?]

and thanks again for giving me the go-ahead to keep on rambling ^_^ moving on to build's female characters: there are only 2 really prominent female characters (a few others pop up here and there, or have relatively big roles for an arc or 2, but not throughout the whole show), misora (as mentioned before) and sawa. imo, both are treated decently, being fun and interesting characters with their own arcs not purely tied to the men (although obviously romance with men or the lack thereof are not inherent markers of the quality of a female character's writing, it's worth noting that neither of them are written as love interests (so you'll never get the sense that they get reduced to just that role) to any male character - but tbf, kr and other popular toku aren't really big on romance, even the het ones, in the first place, maybe bc of some japanese cultural conventions or something, but i've heard that the few canon m/f relationships that are present are usually not written very well, which is once more very shounencore of them lol - although unfortunately, there is a guy with a frankly kinda creepy and annoying parasocial crush on misora which most of the other characters don't care for either but it's still played off as comic relief, kinda larry-like in that sense if we're comparing it to aa again, and that's definitely one of the show's major drawbacks; i mean i still think build is overall worth the watch, and again, since you've gone through all of aa already, you'd be a veteran wrt this kind of trope, but regardless i think it's good to give some warning in advance to help you prepare for some of the shit that's about to go down) plus misora and sawa are eventually shown having a personal relationship/friendship with each other outside of the men too :-) however, overall they're still kinda underutilized and underdeveloped (sawa in particular) compared to the guys, plus neither of them are riders, though in kr, that's also definitely not an automatic indicator for whether a female character will be well-written or not, but then again, since we're both aa fans, i'm sure we're already very familiar with the feeling of seeing interesting and compelling female characters not get their full due from their writers, so based on that, build is survivable for sure 😔 [7/?]

and idk how well they would fare next to female characters from other kr seasons, but i also think it's worth pointing out that, for all that build's writer/s are clearly still not immune to misogyny, misora and sawa's overall writing doesn't come off to me as 'so misogynistic it becomes gay' in the vein of idk, naruto or death note, bc again, neither of them were touted as viable love interests to male characters before getting shoved to the side in favor of primarily focusing on homoerotic m/m relationships for most of the story only to still get together with those men in the end, and the only thing build was really marketed as in terms of its relationship writing was the 'heated drama between men' stuff so you already get a sense of what's in store for you from the start, and so ultimately you also don't really feel that annoyed or 'cheated' you know? [8/?]

and then on to akaso: that anecdote was from a full interview with him and inukai from when the show was just starting out - docs . google . com/document/u/0/d/1BwqtHLs5d8Vs2YCJA7XJW3TxhaGta8jo9huEo70ehq0/mobilebasic there's only very mild spoilers for the first episode and then vague allusions to what happens in the next couple of episodes or so, but if you'd still prefer to wait until you've actually watched those episodes to read it in full, i'll just copy here the most relevant parts for what we're talking about: "Inukai: The first scene we appeared together in was…. Akaso: Wasn’t it the first encounter scene? Inukai: [...] At that time, it was really hot at the filming location. During out spare time we just tried to preserve our strength, so we didn’t talk much. Now that I think of it, that day, you were staring at my face the whole time. Didn’t anyone notice? (laugh) Akaso: I was feeling dizzy from the heat, but among all the actors, I suddenly noticed Inukai-kun’s face and was captivated by it, thinking “wow, he is so pretty...” (laugh) The director, Tasaki Ryuuta pointed it out to me. I instantly came to my senses. I’ve never stared at any actress like that before, no matter how pretty, but at that time I suddenly became dizzy and just kept staring in a daze. Turns out, it was a heatstroke (bitter laugh). Inukai: You had a heatstroke because you sensed the dangers of my body (laughs). That was the moment I decided I shouldn’t let my guard down around you. Akaso: Nononono, I wasn’t trying to hit on you!! Inukai: (laughs) Akaso: Please stop, don’t add any unnecessary mental images to the word “partners” (laughs). But when Inukai-kun plays Sento, you get the feeling that he’s a very smart person mulling over a lot of thoughts in his head, I think he looks very pretty and cool. Inukai: That makes me happy, I think. Thank you." [9/?]

so there you have it lol. apparently akaso did use the word for 'heatstroke,' but the translator of this interview pointed out on tumblr that it seems like what happened had no actual severe effects on him, so it was likely just heat stress at most and he just said 'heatstroke' to clearly get the point across or something. in general, akaso during his time on build seemed to have a bit of a pattern of saying some kinda out-of-pocket things that would make one go "oh he really had the nerve to go there huh but like... is he wrong?" like when he also infamously claimed at two separate promotional events that banjou was the real 'heroine' of the story (which makes his previous comment to inukai to not add "any unnecessary mental images to the word 'partners'" funnier) 😭 during the first event, he was asked to introduce his character and then himself, and when he said banjou's name, he added that he was the 'heroine,' at which takada kaho (misora's actor) interjected and pointed at herself to say that *she* was playing the 'heroine' and there was a bit of back-and-forth between them as both kept insisting they were the 'heroine' (all in a lighthearted manner ofc) but in the end i think akaso got in the last word before he passed on the mic to takada so she could properly introduce herself this time, although she didn't bring up the heroine stuff again from what i could tell lol. the video i watched from that first event didn't actually have subs, but you could get the gist of it especially since they said 'heroine' in english. as for the second event, i also watched a bit of its video but i don't think i got to the part where he made the comment, so i only saw later on a screenshot from that same video where what he said was translated as "then, when i read the final script, it said that kaho takada was feeling down because banjo ryuga was the heroine." [10/?]

and. well... neither of them are wrong exactly fnsjngkbs. like ofc misora filled the obligatory female lead role, but generally speaking, it seems like it was obvious even among the cast that banjou, in addition to being the typical male co-protagonist like in a 'buddy cop' type of movie or show, was the one pretty much framed as the story's 'heroine,' imo in the style of a shounen anime or manga to sento's shounen protagonist position (well, the shounen animanga with well-written central m/f romances anyway), with the implication of being sento's love interest in all but name officially also. like... it's still very much subtextual but also wow talk about the lack of subtlety here too 😭 and at that second event, there was another comment he made that made me go "okay come on don't do this to us" but it's related to spoilery series-finale and post-series material, so it's probably best that i save discussing it for when you're done watching, if ever. but well yeah i'm kinda obsessed with his mind for all that like. thank you for continuing to help us fans not sound delusional via all these very enlightening comments (i mean aside from how heavy the subtext already was in the actual story) but also what's his issue 😭😭 [11/?]

btw build isn't actually akaso's first kr show - it's amazons, specifically its 2nd season, which also got released in 2017 some months prior to build's airing. amazons is one of those aforementioned more adult-oriented toku webseries and was meant to be a 'darker and more mature reimagining of the 1974 television series, kamen rider amazon,' but it got more mixed reviews overall compared to build, especially since iirc a lot of fans think it didn't handle said darker themes too well or something (there's cannibal cultists?? i think??? idk if akaso's character hiroki was one of them though). but the upside to it is that it was precisely his work on amazons that got akaso cast on build (from what i can tell, hiroki is nowhere near as dumb as banjou, but there's a similar delinquent vibe, albeit hiroki's aesthetic seems to be somewhat edgier). i find it funny though bc hiroki is apparently a 17 year old high schooler, then a few months later akaso made the jump to playing a 23 year old (which was his actual age at the time of filming) ex-pro fighter... the range of this man jwkfjksfdlms [12/?]

on a final side note about something that's not really relevant to all that other stuff but still kinda funny: i just remembered that apparently back when cm was airing, and that moment in ep. 2 (?) where adachi forces the elevator doors open to ask kurosawa out to dinner happened, people were commenting "well that's kamen rider training for you" and yeah i definitely believe banjou could/would have done something like that. though he probably would have punched the doors in the process too, or because he's a dumbass, he might also let himself get accidentally hit by the closing doors and then that's when he'd punch them in response lmao also i think i'll save my further thoughts on the kamen rider yuri and also the few canon lgbt+ characters the series does have so far + the varying qualities with which they've been written for later messages, bc once again this has gotten far too long and there's already a lot of things here for you to process and respond to so. thank you so much again and bye for now 🙏🏼 [13/13]

thank You again for all the info omg theres so much detail again ur a legend..!! reading it is so fun too i can rlly tell u like the franchise a lot that makes me happy ty for sharing all this w me 🥺 and actually to update u i watched a couple of eps since ur last asks (currently on ep8 kdjfksj i did a littol binging) and 1) it is Very different in tone from what i was expecting! i thought itd be like . moody and serious action etc but its actually rlly silly and thats a huge plus for me i love me some silliness always and 2) did take a bit of getting used to the format (+ to akaso and inukai in these roles theyre so different from cm and odt How are these the same guys) but honestly im rlly enjoying the buildup of the mystery?? and the charas are v endearing i care them already. also i cannot believe they dropped this one me in ep *ONE*

LIKE HELLO??? all i could think at first was "this is so nrmt in turnabout goodbyes coded" with the whole "i believe in you" thing but goddam . u werent kidding about these two huh. i get why the rings now i get it. Man. but yeah big fan of their dynamic so far !! and a little unrelated but im hoping they keep up the bit w banjou figuring out best matches in 1 second its my favorite thing rn fkdjsjfjdfhs

(also also this bit im just . thinking. a lot. kind of a crazy line to drop in the middle of all the silliness isnt it 👁👄👁)

anyway . onto misora and sawa omg theyre so good too ???? misora esp shes so funny and i keep wondering when theyll get into her whole powers deal its been on my mind since ep1 ........ these two are def not getting as much screentime ive noticed but at least the times they show up are great so far and none of that forced romance stuff which is what im used to sadly so ill take it 👍 just hope we do get to their backstories too eventually or im gonna be :(

also little cut to the villains too since theyre p prominent but although i already figured gentoku was involved somehow from the start i cannot for the life of me figure out what blood stalks deal is???? like is he just there for the drama of it all . whys he kind of helping the guys what does it Mean-

THE INTERVIEWS HELPJFKDJF ive heard legends of mr akaso eiji and his out of pocket commentary im understanding now ..... that "heroine" thing is Crazy though like surely he had to have known the implications right ????? doesnt he know that stuff is dangerous to fans come on man 😔 ur right abt the range tho im already so impressed by his and inukais acting in here since its so different from the charas they played in cm and odt but still p similar in how they do emotional scenes so im enjoying seeing those 👀

i think ill keep watching bc mostly i just. Really need to know what the mystery is (and still that "silly little rabbit has a death wish" thing, tho im starting to have a hunch about who its referring to.........) so yeah maybe ill have more liveblogging updates for u next time if ur interested in seeing my reactions akfjkdsjf

(before i go one last thing . ACE ATTORNEY REFERENCE???????)