#but when it's past the 200k mark what's happening? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pertinax--loculos · 3 years

Text

Update

Gonna try a new thing. I've seen these weekly updates from other writeblrs and it appeals to me because I can blather about writing or lack of writing (if it's been one of Those weeks), I can also include anything else I want, and it's a manageable goal to have for a start.

Tentatively breaking it up into writing, reading OR watching, real life (if applicable), and possibly excerpt (again, if applicable).

So! (Warning: This is long. I seriously babble like nothing else.)

Currently Writing Absent That Night (tagged: WIP: ATN)

wordcount: no clue, it's all on my phone and I've been writing scenes I'd previously written snippets for, so it's a mash-up. (Which reminds me I need to back it all up at least onto my computer.)

Proud of the short summary I did for my pinned post, so repeating it here:

Agent Latrell has been chasing the thief known as Nox for more than three years; but when bodies start turning up at his crime scenes, he’s the only one who believes Nox isn’t responsible. Unfortunately, he’s also the only other suspect. In order to clear his name, he’s going to have to find the real killer; and the only way to do that is to team up with a criminal who, it turns out, he knows absolutely nothing about.

still love love LOVING this WIP. I've got pages and pages of notes, and it is probably getting a wee bit too complex with subplots and suspects etc, but I'm an overwriter anyway so if I end up with a 200k word draft then shrug. More to work with

dunno if I mentioned or just thought it was obvious because I know it so well, but it has an enemies/rivals-to-allies(lovers?) (sub?)plot. So I've been pulling out a lot of threads there

technically I'm up to about halfway between the catalyst and break into two. Definitely not hardcore plotting but I do have an idea of the beats I wanna follow in the back of my head

Nox is still a fucking mess. I should probably stop piling trauma onto him, poor guy

my favourite creation this week is Mark Gault, who is a secondary/minor character who is amazing in every way. He is both essentially a ruthless mercenary and the "I LOVE MY WIFE" guy. (I also keep calling him Grant, instead of Mark, because he's actually the father of a character who first appears in Phase Two of CASCADE. (!!!))

basically happy with how it's all going this week. Regular writing is getting the juices flowing and it's easier to come up with ideas even when I've only got a vague notion of what is supposed to happen in the scene.

guys i am such an overwriter this is ridiculous please send help this scene was supposed to be like 2.5k total and it's turned into 4-5 scenes and is like 10k long dear god--

Currently Reading Blue Lily, Lily Blue by Maggie Stiefvater, book three of the Raven Cycle

I have not just jumped in at book three of a series, I have read the previous two.

in the last week.

I've read eleven books in the last five weeks, so that's... something.

they have all been thrillers except for this series. (And also Girl One, which despite being marketed as a thriller was definitively NOT a thriller. Which, yes, I should've guessed from the tag line, but I'm still mad about it.)

I am in love with the prose. It feels similar to mine, but Better, and I have been unconsciously mimicking it.

(which may be a problem when I finish it and am still writing ATN, but that is an issue for Future Pockets)

ngl I was not a fan of the way the first book ended. Not only did I have to reread the final line multiple times in order to even begin to grasp it, but I kinda think it's a dick move to end on a cliffhanger, even for an established author and clear indications this was gonna be a series

(but you bought the next book, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU??)

very very much enjoying the series, to be concise (ha!). Love the characters and it's all pretty tightly paced. The overarching series arc kiiinda maybe feels a bit slow/irrelevant, and some of the motivations annoy me, but I keep reminding myself it's YA in which the motivations are in character, so

not far into this one yet but so far so good

I wrote this earlier this week and since have begun thinking the series arc is becoming more relevant, but am reserving judgement. Reading slower with work and reading but still enjoying it all

Real Life

continues to be mostly a pain in the ass. Apps in for a second job, research on next year ongoing

update: may have the dream second job, basically waiting for confirmation (fingers crossed!)

one of my housemates is the literal devil, although even that is being quite kind to her. The nice one is moving out because of it. People keep asking how I've lived in this house for three years. I have no answer.

enjoying writing time in evenings and feeling mentally pretty good thanks to exercise

Excerpt Long, nearly 900 words, but a favourite of recent pieces and also something I coincidentally wrote today. Nox and Latrell's third meeting, when Latrell is still, uh... resistant to the idea of working with him:

"Why me?" Not at all the way Latrell had intended to phrase it, but he couldn't take it back. He continued, quickly, instead, jumbled thoughts pouring out of his mouth. "Surely that's the least you can give me. You come to me and ask me to fucking help you after you've made the last three months of my life living hell, you can at least fucking tell me why the fuck that is. You owe me that much. I'm not letting you fucking walk away until you fucking answer me that."

Nox was silent for a long moment. He ran a calculating gaze up and down Latrell, as if searching for something; it wasn't apparent whether or not he'd found it when he said, softly, "And if I don't?"

Latrell was abruptly very aware of the weight of the handcuffs in his back pocket. He would have to move quickly. There was every possibility Nox would see this coming, especially if he'd been arrested before. But Latrell was quietly confident. He inched his hand back, keeping it subtle, eyes on Nox's face.

"In that case," he said, as evenly as he could. His fingertips brushed warm metal. "Perhaps we should try something--"

Everything went white.

For a moment Latrell thought he'd somehow lost consciousness; that he'd underestimated Nox's affinity for violence, that the man had punched him or otherwise managed to incapacitate him without otherwise moving. Then it occurred to him that he was still thinking, which essentially took unconsciousness off the table, and he realised, vaguely, that it was an illusion.

It was very, very convincing.

The entire world was an endless expanse of emptiness. Utterly, absolutely white, a whiteness that could not and should not exist. Latrell was overcome by a sensation of falling, of plummeting into nothingness; he had to concentrate to feel his feet still on the ground, to know he was still upright. He had nothing to orient himself. There was no up, no down, no left or right. Just that endless expanse of a lack of colour. He was hanging in nothingness, or everything.

"You forget who you are dealing with, Agent."

Latrell swallowed down nausea. Nox's voice came from startlingly close, the sound of it somehow wrong, which objectively he knew came from the fact that his brain was convinced it should sound small and insubstantial in this endless void but it sounded normal because he was actually still standing in the alley. It was academic knowledge only. He still felt like he was tipping or falling or rising, weightless and disoriented. He had no voice, no ability to open his mouth.

Experimentally he tried to take a step. He couldn't lift his foot off the ground. Physically, he was sure he could -- he could still twitch his fingers, if he thought about it -- but his mind was convinced that there was nothing to step away from, nothing to step onto. Just nothing, nothing, nothing. A brightness that wasn't a light, a void constructed of the pieces between atoms.

Nox's voice came from his other side this time. "I have attempted to do this civilly, but there are other options."

It was a struggle to concentrate on his words, close as they were. Latrell tried to narrow his focus to only sound, tried to ignore the nothingness he was suspended in, tried to tell himself it was all an illusion. Just something Nox wanted him to see. The Orn, threaded through his eyes or brain or soul, acting upon Nox's orders.

It didn't help. He was still in freefall.

"Do not," Nox's voice came, a bare whisper in his ear, breath brushing Latrell's neck, "Presume to test me."

Abruptly the white disappeared. Latrell was back in the alley, trying to adjust to the change of light, trying to find where Nox had gone. Turning his head made the ground roil beneath him and he staggered, utterly disoriented.

Fingers closed around his forearm, steadying him, and Latrell looked up to find Nox inches away.

"Easy, Agent," he purred. His smile was more a baring of his teeth.

Latrell wrenched away from him, staggering until his back connected with a comfortingly solid wall. He was dizzy, brain still adjusting to reality, but he managed to straighten his spine and set his shoulders. He kept his hands in front of him. In Nox's view.

"Do we have an understanding?" Nox said, still silky and low.

"Screw you," Latrell said, voice faint and alien.

Nox's smirk sharpened. "I thought so. Lovely chat, Agent Latrell." He sauntered past where Latrell stayed pressed against the wall, hesitated at the corner of the alley. "Keep up the good work."

He stepped forward and disappeared from view.

Latrell's breath left him in a rush and he doubled over, bracing himself on his knees. His head still spun, the unpleasant sensation he'd come to expect from vertigo. The backs of his eyelids were painted with a stark blank white. Every time he blinked he was engulfed.

It was far beyond any illusion he'd ever experienced. It was approaching the type he'd only ever read about in scientific articles.

You forget who you are dealing with, Agent.

Perhaps he had. But this assault supplied more than a reminder.

It also provided a piece of the puzzle.

#we'll go with #weekly update #WIP: ATN #excerpt #pockets muses IRL #god you can't tell i'm an overwriter at all can you #somebody please shut me up #>.<

2 notes · View notes

1989xtaylorsversion · 3 years

Text

tana mongeau should not be influencing anyone.

the term “influencer” has been tossed around frivolously for years, and often it’s for people who don’t deserve it. i cringe everytime i call someone an influencer, or worse when they call themselves one. look, i get it. it’s a lot easier to say you’re an influencer than to explain why your mediocre 15 second dance videos on tiktok gave you millions of followers. however, as social media influence grows and more people are dropping out of school or not going at all, in order to pursue the celebrity lifestyle, the list of influencers has expanded. it’s transcended just YouTube, and now you have tiktok stars and instagram models. when you really look at how many people are reaping the benefits of being an influencer, you start to wonder, who actually deserves to wear that title proudly, and who, for lack of a better word, just sucks. one person i believe falls under the latter is miss tana mongeau.

TANA MONGEAU: THE INTRO

tana mongeau is a 22 year old YouTuber who sort of hit mainstream success a few years ago. there’s a chance you’ve heard of her, even if you’re not a regular subscriber, and i wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t. i’ll be straight up and admit that i do not like her, and i’ve felt this way for a long time. i wish i could sit here and write about all the amazing things she’s done to help the world and use her influence for good, but i can’t because it’s simply not true. she’s been famous for years now, and her legacy isn’t made up of positivity, but rather scandals and immaturity. i don’t think tana is an evil mastermind, but i don’t think she is a good person. i think she’s incredibly disrespectful and has got a lot of growing up to do.

TANA DOESN’T DESERVE HER PLATFORM

tana has a pattern of behavior that we’ve all become accustomed to, meaning she’ll mess up, take forever to issue a half-hearted apology, emphasize the point that she’s learned, grown, and bettered herself, and then go back to business as usual. she likes to harp on the fact that she’s only human, and she makes mistakes. while that is true, not all humans make the same mistakes. tana reminds me a lot of serena van der woodsen from gossip girl. they both claim that with each scandal they come out on the other side a better person, but they don’t. they claim to change, but they don’t. when you make the same mistakes over and over again, you’re not a changed person, you’re simply the same. that’s one of my biggest gripes with tana, because if she actually cared enough, she could self reflect and really learn. but she doesn’t. it smacks of disrespect and immaturity. she makes a lot of bold claims in her apology videos (and she’s got a lot), about how she grew, but where is the growth?? i haven't seen it, have you?

this brings me to my original point, which is why tana doesn’t deserve a platform. i don’t want to write about every horrible thing she’s done in great detail because it’s been done many times, but i’ll briefly mention certain things i believe to be important.

first and foremost, she has an extensive racist past that seems to make a comeback every year. it seems to be an annual tradition for tana to have some racist video, tweet, or remark come back to her present life. her past quite literally catches up to her, and she’s had to apologize for it at least three times (i’ve kind of lost track). it’s ridiculous and problematic, but anyone with a modicum of intelligence can understand that. her recent apology video - which was likely scripted- is a slap in the face to everyone she’s hurt and offended because it took her months to make it, and she couldn’t even be bothered to sift through the blatant contradictions she spewed.

speaking of her apology video, another reason why she was under intense criticism during that time was because she was partying throughout the pandemic. i know, i couldn’t believe it either. or maybe i could because tana is one of the most disrespectful people i’ve ever seen. she partied for months throughout the pandemic in the beginning, and still hangs around large groups of people. newsflash miss mongeau, for some reason children watch you and vociferously defend you online because they’re under your influence. a blue check mark doesn't exempt you from the coronavirus. if you had stayed home and not made yourself look like a clown who doesn’t care about the health of others, maybe you wouldn’t have had to issue your tenth apology. it’s so frustrating watching her act like this knowing she has so much influence and instead of using it for good, she goes out and does this.

my problem with influencers is the fact that they like to pick and choose when they want to be one. when they’re getting positive feedback, fame, and money, they love it. they love having an influence over millions of people, and flexing their success. but, when it comes time to actually do something good for the world, and tweet out some petitions, informational posts, or stand up for the right thing or issue proper apologies for when they inevitably screw up, suddenly they never asked to be an influencer. that’s when they decide that they didn’t ask for that kind of life, so we should just cut them some slack. another newsflash, it doesn’t matter if you asked for it. a lot of people don’t, but a lot of people also realize that they’re in a privileged position to use their power for good, and take on that responsibility. that’s why influencers drive me crazy. they have hundreds of thousands or millions of followers, and they don’t use it for anything other than selfies.

in my last post i talked about emma macdonald, and i’ll bring her up again, because she’s guilty of doing this as well. she posted about blm once over the summer, and then never again. i understand some people don’t want to bring up politics in everything, but you don’t have to post. a simple ig story would’ve been fine, and still spread the information. she’s just one example out of hundreds, but you get the point. whether you have 200k followers or 2 million, you still have an audience, and people follow you because they like and trust you, which gives you power. so much has happened in this country since may, and so many influencers have stayed silent. if you’re not going to use your huge platform for something meaningful, why do you even have one? it just smacks of performative activism, and it’s not a cute look.

if you don’t want to be an influencer with loyal fans, and you don’t want the pressure of being a somewhat good example, then don’t expect people to care when you release a trashy single, have an mtv reality show, or when you hold a convention in the name of revenge. yeah, i’m looking at you tana, those are all things you’ve done because you’re an influencer with followers and money.

OVERALL THOUGHTS

i realize i’m probably ranting, but that’s what people like tana will do to you. she has so much potential, and admittedly, she’s had her good moments. her open conversations about mental health and her rough upbringing is interesting to hear about, and i’m sure it helps people feel less alone. i actually like hearing about her early life because her need for an escape away from her toxic family was the reason she started her channel. those are the relatable moments that attracts people and makes her seem human, not her racist past from when she was 15. i wish she’d actually take time away from being so problematic and seriously self reflect and grow. she’s not getting younger, and her maturity level isn’t catching up with her. the older she gets, the more she acts like a child, and it’s frustrating.

unless she does some serious introspection and betters herself, maybe we should consider leaving tana in 2020.

overall rating:

2/5

#tana mongeau #youtube #tiktok #influencer #tana #emma macdonald #mtv

6 notes · View notes

nny11writes · 4 years

Note

13, 16, 18, 43 and 50 for tha ask game please and thank you :P Just, many many numbers lol

13. What is your planning process?

My first reaction was to squint and go “Do I have a process?” which is probably an answer on its own lol!

It depends is the actual answer.

Like most writers I start a fic because of one scene or dialogue or description that I really, really, really wanted to write and then I have to figure out where it belongs.

I almost always start by just...writing. I used to be 100% stream of consciousness writer. I’d sit down at least once a day with a blank document and without ANY forethought or direction I’d start writing a fic. It was always as much fun for me as my readers to see where a story would go because I literally had no clue.

These days, as I’m putting THE THING down on the page my brain is shrieking ideas at me so I start slapping them down too, but I’ve got a better filter so not everything goes down. There’s a lot of [WHAT IS THIS THING PLS PLS FIGURE IT OUT] and [PAST OR PRESENT TENSE MF MAKE UP YO MIND] at this stage.

This is where I actually start planning. I’ve got a bunch of stuff down, a vague direction, and a lot of ideas so this is usually where I sit down to do some planning. Am I aiming to write a short fic or long fic, one shot or multi-chapter, where are we, how many characters, etc. I leave things pretty wide open, while sometimes it’s fun to challenge myself to meet very specific goals it’s usually frustrating to me so nothing is set in stone. Literally. Even when I’ve posted if someone leaves a comment that’s amazing or enough people liked it I’ll usually try to write more in that fic or another fic with those ideas.

How To Quit You is a great example of how my loosey goosey planning works. I don’t know if people realize but that fic was originally supposed to be ONLY that first chapter. I wrote it in an hour tops for 2019 glitra week and all I knew at that point was I wanted to do a western with some romance tropes to it (hence the exes who still love each other thing).

Once I realized how many people seemed to love it and wanted to see more I sat down and planned it out. I first decided how I wanted to write the story (hence going back in time ~15 years) and then I created chapter titles and had vague descriptions for them. Once it was all down I went through it again and made adjustments, then created a timeline (Micah died in 1868, they meet in 1870, Catra works BMR rails 1870-1880 min, etc etc). And that’s it. I made an outline and used it as my idea bouncing ground and map and huge parts of it have changed as we’ve gone along. Catra was going to become a drunkard out in [REDACTED] after the timeline met up with chapter one. I scrapped that because it didn’t fit with other details and changes I’d made. I re-wrote the chapter and now I gotta scrap that and re-write it again do to reasons that would spoilers.

Let’s Try This Again is another hilarious example, because chapters 1-6 were meticulously planned and I charted out a whole story around them that I was going to stick to damn it all! And then Palpatine hip checked me and changed the course of the story. I still included a lot from my original VERY detailed outline, but some chapters were nixed completely and others added in too sooooo...

I’m not a true pantser because I do some planning, but I’m not a planner because I leave huge chucks practically up to the whims of fate. I’m a plantser.

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

Sometimes!

I think some of my best works are from prompts (WHICH ARE ALWAYS OPEN, HINT HINT, NUDGE NUDGE, KNOW WHAT I MEAN KNOW WHAT I MEAN) specifically.

I rarely use sentence starters but I think I’ve done okay when I did.

But fandom headcanons? Oh hell yeah baby now we’re talking!

Can Anakin cook but Padme can’t? Hell yeah!

Togruta have some cat like features so Ahsoka is obligate carnivore and color blind? WOOOOOOOO BOYYYYYYYYYYYY!

"This is not because I like you.” is 100% something that everyone in the Horde says when trying to cover their asses, Catra’s just a useless lesbian and has to use it A Lot More Than Most. Awwwwww yeah, that’s the good stuff!

Glimmer and Catra talk to one another but only have serious conversations sitting back to back post canon. I DON’T MAKE THE RULES!

Like, god, fandom headcanon is practically what my fics live on lol! I’m not great at writing things in canon or sticking to canon, and people are amazing and smart so of course I’m going to steal their cool ideas and then mess with them until they’re my own.

18. What is your favorite writing prompt?

...I gotta be honest I have no clue lol. I’ve liked basically every prompt I’ve ever gotten (there’s literally only been 2 that I got and went “...oh.” and of those two I was able to bend the prompt into things I liked a lot! One of them is actually posted and people like it, and then other is currently sitting in the naughty prompt corner for crimes of FIGHTING ME TO A STANDSTILL every time I write a few sentences for it, but I do actually like it now lol).

I think my favorite style of prompt are ones that are open for some interpretation. You know that joke about you know a writer based on how they respond to a one word prompt like “fall” or “cold” or even “love”? I love that kind of stuff! Heck, even things with a more narrow focus are fun to play with. For one of my prompt fics I was able to flip the script and have the character everyone expects the unrequited pining from to instead be the unattainable beloved instead.

*Marge potato meme* I just think they’re neat!

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

None, because I am very loud about what I enjoy and refuse to have things I enjoy ripped away by strangers on the interwebs.

Okay, more seriously, as far as things that others might think are guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

I love a good “morons to repressed idiots to lovers” slow burn. Yes, yesssss, let them be absolute fools and make MASSIVE mistakes that they have no reason to make. There was a miscommunication? Delightful! Oh look, they’re both flirting with one another but think the other one is just joking around with them. I WILL TAKE ANOTHER 200K OF THEM SUFFERING THANK YOU!

I love AUs man, every time I see someone who really hates coffee shop AUs or highschool AUs or modern AUs I end up getting grumpy and I go find some of those AUs to read because I love them. The AUs I love the most change fandom to fandom. Not a huge fan of modern AU for star wars, but an absolute slut for them in She Ra. Palpatine chokes on a bagel and I live, but if that happened to Horde Prime I’d be pissed. *shrug* I just know that some people really don’t like or even outright hate AUs, and I do not understand them at all. Like, good for them and I hope they find the fics they do enjoy! But also, why???????

I think my “cringiest” one is that I actually really like A/B/O as long as they flip the script somehow or delve into how something like that would actually effect the world it exists in. Is sex in public a common and acceptable thing b/c they can’t control themselves? Do jobs and schools give people time off for heats and ruts? Is it considered antiquated and anyone who struggles with their biology is considered lazy or stupid? Do celebrities sometimes get in trouble with fans or even lose their jobs/prestige after showing off their new mating mark? GIVE ME THE WORLD BUILDING I WANT TO KNOW! But if it’s a really boring traditional A/B/O...like, what’s the point there?

Please don’t misunderstand me here. These three examples are all things that are WILDLY stupid in their own rights, and I love them dearly both because of and regardless of that!

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

It’s All Fun and Games Until...Stop! Stop! We’re Already Gay!

AKA the one where they all go to Mystacor to relax in the steam grotto and have to deal with seeing one another in tight fitting and wet underwear. The thirst is high.

“So…” Bow started conversationally as Sea Hawk put the finishing touches on Bow’s freshly painted nails. “How doomed are they? Are we making bets?”

Mermista and Sea Hawk made significant eye contact before looking at him pitifully.

“What?” Bow asked, starting to sweat nervously. “What!?”

“Nothing, just-” Sea Hawk didn’t even get to finish.

“You need to get your girlfriend to get her girlfriends under control, and like, I knooooow that’s a tall order or whatever. But uuuuuuuuugggggghhh, we are going to die.”

“Girlfriend!?” Bow’s voice cracked painfully. “Ha! A-ha! Ha! W-who? I don’t, I don’t have a girlfriend, what are you even talking about?”

“Uuuuuggggggghh!”

“There, there my dear. We have survived worse.”

#ask game #writer game #fanfiction game #fanfic ask game #wip #tropes #planning process #how do write?#guilty pleasures #thanks for playing! :D #venn364

2 notes · View notes

mayquita · 5 years

Text

Call Me (27/?) - The Final Countdown

A/N I still can't believe that four years have passed since I started this adventure. But I’m not only celebrating the fourth anniversary but also that with this chapter the story has reached 200k words!!! As always, my apologies for the delay, but to compensate you for the wait I bring you a long chapter. It was supposed to be shorter, but as usual, I got carried away a little. And here’s the result. I prefer not to reveal anything else about the chapter, but there’s a note at the end of the chapter with some explanations.

I’d like to express my gratitude to @saraswans and @onceuponaprincessworld for your advice and perpetual support and @chrissascorner for being my beta, thanks for helping me edit the whole thing. You three are the best. Thank you also to everyone else for your patience and for your support.

Summary: Emma loses her phone after a chase, but she finds a phone in a cafe just when she needs it most. Killian forgets his phone in a cafe when he is about to take a flight to Ireland. Killian makes a call to his own number hoping someone answers on the other end of the line. What will happen when Emma is the one answering the call?

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4Chapter 5Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8Chapter 9 Chapter 10Chapter 11 Chapter 12Chapter 13 Chapter14Chapter 15 Chapter 16Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26

FF.net Ao3

Chapter 27 - The Final Countdown

I was born to love you With every single beat of my heart Yes, I was born to take care of you Every single day of my life

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Queen's song echoed in the kitchen while Killian prepared dinner, the lyrics and their meaning slipping inside his mind and spreading a warm sensation all over his body.

A thought crossed his mind as he hummed and wagged his hips to the rhythm of the music, causing a wide smile to bloom on his lips. There was no doubt that Queen has been part of the soundtrack of his life since he was just a child, accompanying him in his childhood, changing and adapting to the experiences he went through over the years.

The band and their songs had been his only companions on his darkest nights, first when Liam had been about to die and then after losing Milah, when he had entered that spiral where he wasn't able to do anything but drown his sorrows in sex and alcohol, get into fights —in an attempt to replace the heartache for the physical pain— and wallow in misery while listening to the saddest and most melancholy songs he could find.

It's a Hard Life, Too Much Love Will Kill You, Save Me, Somebody to Love... He had listened to these songs in a loop, locked in his bedroom, repeating the same routine day after day until Liam had taken the reins, as usual, coming to his rescue and offering him the possibility of a new beginning on the other side of the ocean.

Now, five years later, he kept marveling at how his life had changed and how that was also reflected in his particular life soundtrack. He felt blessed to have found Emma for many reasons, but the fact that they shared musical tastes added an incentive to their relationship.

The change had been subtle at first, but after confessing their feelings two weeks ago, they had begun to replace their old companions with songs full of feelings and positivity. Once again Queen put the background music to a stage of his life, and this time he expected this stage to last as much as possible, something like forever.

His smile widened when the first chords of the next song resonated in the room, causing him to continue humming, shaking his head to the rhythm of the music while cutting the fresh tomatoes that would serve to make sauce for the pasta they'd have for dinner.

I want it all, I want it all, I want it all And I want it now.

He wanted it all with Emma. He wanted to sleep every night with her in his arms and wake up every morning with her at his side. He wanted the whole package, the happily ever after. He wanted and wanted. He was aware that it was still too soon — they would celebrate three months together tomorrow —but after so many years surrounded by darkness he was eager to grab every little bit of happiness within his reach that would keep him in the light. And Emma was pure light, like a beacon that kept him on the right path.

He couldn't be prouder of her. After her meltdown two weeks ago when she fell injured, she had been able to overcome her own fears, to open up to him even more, to be vulnerable and express her feelings. She was more affectionate, her smiles were brighter, the spark of her gaze more intense, causing his love for her to grow more and more if that was even possible.

That subtle change in her had not only been reflected in her behavior towards him, but towards the people around her. Now she was more willing to spend time with her friends, was more communicative with her boss and even took the initiative when organizing plans with their friends' group.

It was as if after the accident, she had been injected with a renewed energy to the point that it was quite complicated to get her to be on sick leave for more than a couple of days. In the end, she had agreed to stay away from the office for a whole week and do desk work during the following week, but she would start working at full capacity next Monday, now that she seemed fully recovered.

The memory of her accident caused a chill to run through his spine, especially when he thought she would be exposed to those dangers again. He had no choice but to resign himself, though, and trust her and her abilities. At least she had understood that she now had someone always waiting for her at the end of the day, no matter what happened, so it seemed that she was more willing to stay out of unnecessary risks and return to him every day.

That was precisely what he was waiting, for Emma to come home. She had decided to accompany Belle and Mary Margaret to go shopping since, according to the ladies, they needed to renew their wardrobe with the arrival of autumn. It seemed obvious that she was having a great time since several hours later she hadn't yet returned. He had received a message a while ago, though, informing him that she would arrive in half an hour and that it was better for him to have some dinner ready because she was famished — Her words.

A soft chuckle escaped his lips when the next song began to sound. Somehow Emma had managed to include the bloody It's My Life on his playlist, alluding that, whether he liked it or not, that song was already part of the soundtrack of their relationship. She was right, of course, he admitted to himself as he shook his head.

He cast a sideways glance at the wall clock as he filled a saucepan with water to boil the pasta. The music and his thoughts had kept him so distracted that if he didn't hurry, Emma would arrive before dinner was ready.

Something caught his attention before he focused his eyes on the food preparation again. His gaze shifted slightly to the calendar near the clock. September 30th. A strange sensation settled in his stomach, his eyebrows knitting together as he tried to figure out why suddenly that date seemed somehow significant.

The realization came so unexpectedly that he felt as if he had been punched in the stomach while all the air left his lungs. Tomorrow would be October 1st, which meant that in just one month he would be flying to Ireland. For five bloody months.

He shouldn't feel so shocked, not considering that his trip to Ireland was something that had been hovering over their heads from the start. Hell, even the origin of their relationship had occurred when he was there.

He even had a continuous reminder in his usual talks with his family through video calls, in many of which Emma was present. Whenever his niece asked him when he would return he responded in the same way. Soon, sweetheart, soon.

The problem was that that soon seemed so far away at first, so, with the excuse that there was still a lot of time to worry about it, they had chosen to ignore it, not to let his possible departure affect their incipient relationship.

The date on the calendar now marked the beginning of the countdown on his inexorable path that would lead him to separate from Emma.

Just when he left the pot full of water on the counter, the player was silent for an instant before the next song began. He almost expected to hear the first chords of The Final Countdown, as a sign that the universe was laughing at him. Although that didn't happen, the next song did nothing to improve his sudden change of mood, rather the opposite.

Spread your wings and fly away Fly away far away Spread your little wings and fly away Fly away far away

Yes, definitely the universe was laughing at him.

A heavy sigh escaped between his lips as he ran a hand through his hair and swallowed hard in an attempt to drag the bitter sensation that threatened to crawl up to his throat. Unable to concentrate on food preparation, he started pacing the kitchen area driven by the growing uneasiness that had taken hold of him.

Fate was definitely cruel, at least to him. It seemed that all the stars had decided to line up tracing a net that would prevent him from fully enjoying his stay in his hometown, no matter what happened.

Before Emma, the bittersweet sensation and the constant pressure on his chest had always accompanied him a sign that, although he was going to visit his family, the ghosts of his past would always be present, stalking him and making sure to remind him of everything he had gotten and in contrast, everything he had lost.

Now, however, even though he had already left behind — or at least was on his way to do it —his old demons, that bittersweet feeling would still be present, since he couldn't wait to reunite with his family, but the feeling of leaving Emma behind was hard to assimilate.

Killian pressed his lips together to avoid groaning in frustration wondering if his heart would ever be at peace, if he would get the full happiness he thought he deserved, because it didn't matter that he was coming back, he was fully aware that during his stay in Ireland his thoughts would be consumed by a single person, Emma Swan.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he did not realize at first that a new song began to play. The sounds of the chorus finally reached his ears, bringing him back to reality.

Well, come on and let me know Should I stay or should I go? Should I stay or should I go now? Should I stay or should I go now?

An almost unstoppable impulse to throw the phone against the nearest wall seized him. Instead, he just pressed the stop button, leaving the room silent, the music was no longer appealing to him.

He was being overdramatic, he was aware of it, but he seemed unable to stop the spiral of feelings swirling inside him, while the lyrics of the previous song repeated in his mind in a loop. Should I stay or should I go?

Maybe it was a sign. Maybe he was worrying about nothing. Maybe it was best to stay this year in Boston, in this very flat, with Emma by his side. Why then did he feel that this was not the best solution? The mere idea of not seeing his nephews and his niece caused a twinge in his heart. He hadn't even made the decision yet and he already felt a sense of regret in the pit of his stomach. He not only had responsibilities back in Ireland but he longed to see both his family and his friends there.

He squeezed his eyes closed while rubbing his forehead in an attempt to relieve an incipient headache while wondering how he had come to this situation in an interval of only a few minutes.

He alone was to blame for not having dealt with the subject previously, but there was no point complaining now, He had to make a decision. At least before, he just had to worry about himself, but now that he was in a relationship he should also consider Emma's feelings. If there was something that had become clear after her accident two weeks ago it was that, despite her efforts to be more open, Emma still harbored trust and abandonment issues. His heart clenched at the thought of becoming one more on the list of people who left her behind.

A familiar sound caught his attention, pulling him out of the maelstrom of thoughts that crowded together in his head. The clink of the keys in the lock announced Emma's arrival, as if she had been invoked. Despite his inner turmoil, a soft smile tugged at his lips. She was home, finally. The need to get lost in her, to forget everything for a while, seized him, so he hurried to the front door to welcome her as she deserved — or rather as he needed.

Emma still felt strange with the weight of the keys in her hand. Not in a bad way but rather in an unusual sense. This wasn't the first time she had used the spare keys since Killian gave them to her a week ago, but she still had a hard time getting used to the fact that her boyfriend trusted her enough to allow her free access to him, literally. Perhaps the fact that no one had ever had that deference with her had something to do with that strange feeling.

Details like this made her wonder once in a while if they wouldn't be running too fast. They would be celebrating tomorrow that they had been together for (only) three months and Emma not only had the keys to his apartment — and he had hers —but spent half of her time there — most of her time, actually.

Those thoughts faded quickly, though. She just needed to open that door for a sense of peace to settle in her heart. She would be welcomed by the warmth that emanated from the interior of the apartment, by the aroma coming from the kitchen, and by protective arms that would embrace her, giving the moment of an aura of normalcy, a sense of rightness.

What Emma did not expect was to be received with such intensity the moment she crossed the door. She barely had time to close the door behind her when she was approached by Killian, who wrapped her in his strong arms while pushing her gently against the wooden surface, pressing his body against hers, his lips looking for hers as if he was hungry.

After the initial shock at the unexpected reception, she responded in kind, dropping the keys and the bags she was holding to place her arms around his neck while she returned the kiss with the same fervor.

Emma kept feeling amazed at how her body reacted whenever Killian kissed her. It was as if all her senses stopped working properly, leaving her in a state of daze where everything around her seemed to fade away. Well, that was not entirely true, it wasn't as if her senses stopped working but rather intensified, directing their focus to the sensations that flowed from her body as his lips devoured her.

This occasion was not going to be different of course, but before she fell completely intoxicated and succumbed to the sensations, a glimmer of lucidity crossed her clouded mind. There was something urgent, almost desperate, in the way Killian held her or in the intensity of his kiss. Making a great effort, Emma pushed back a little, her hands cupping his face as she searched his gaze.

"Hey, are you okay?"

His eyes were clearly darkened by lust but Emma also detected a glimpse of something else crossing his gaze. When Killian blinked that subtle shadow disappeared, though. Emma was distracted by his words, her eyes drifting to his lips. "Sure, love. I just missed you." A small smile appeared on his face but she didn't have time to appreciate it since his lips were on hers again.

He lifted her up with barely any effort causing her legs to circle his waist as he held her and began to walk towards his bedroom, his mouth never leaving hers.

Deep down, she suspected that something was not quite right, that his reaction seemed too intense, caused, rather than by pure desire, by something deeper. Whatever it was, Killian seemed to wake up suddenly, since, when they were halfway, he slowed his advance, loosening his grip until she rested her feet on the floor. He pushed back gently, his eyes searching for hers.

This time she did take her time to inspect his features. His brow was slightly furrowed, his cheeks flushed, his lips swollen from their brief make-out session. The shadow of his gaze reappeared more clearly, but again, Killian's hoarse voice caught her attention. "My apologies, love. I got a little carried away... I'm... sorry." He reached out to scratch behind his ear, as he averted his eyes, the blush of his cheeks becoming more pronounced. "Do you want this right now? Or maybe you prefer to just have dinner?" He asked, his voice dripping with uncertainty as he gestured toward the kitchen area.

Something was definitely not right with Killian. Emma tilted her head and studied him again through her narrowed eyes. The desire was evident, radiating from him in waves that reached her, sending electric shocks all over her body, blood running hot in her veins. She, of course, wanted this but she was also aware that Killian intended to use sex as an excuse to avoid, for a while, whatever it was that was troubling him.

She reached out to brush his cheek gently, pressing a little to force him to look at her. "I want this, believe me, but I also need to know what's wrong, Killian."

"Nothing." His lips curled up in an attempt at a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "It's been a long day without you and I... I just need you." The intensity of his gaze caused a shiver to run through her body. Emma was aware that his words hid a deeper meaning. The glimpse of pleading in his gaze contributed to that belief, causing her heart to tighten in her chest. He was saying without needing to express it out loud that he needed her to forget for a while. She couldn't refuse his request, not when she felt her skin burning, craving his touch and her lips tingling waiting for new kisses. She could do nothing but succumb to desire and hope that when the time came he would trust her enough to confess what was going through his head.

"Take me to bed, Killian." She whispered before fusing her lips with his, letting herself be carried away by the sensations in her attempt to offer Killian what he needed and get what her body craved.

Once in the shelter of his bedroom, they gave free rein to their passion so intensely that there was a moment when Emma felt slightly overwhelmed. She had learned from the experience of recent months that Killian was a generous person in bed, always trying to offer her all the pleasure before getting his own. This time it was no different in that regard, but his actions acquired a somewhat more desperate touch as he explored every inch of her skin reverently, recreating himself in every freckle, every corner as if he wanted to etch them in his memory.

Her old ghosts from the past made their appearance in the form of a sense of panic emerging inside her. His longing gaze did nothing to mitigate her growing unease. What if ... But then he muttered "I love you, Emma," her name sounding like a prayer and causing any worry to leave her body and her thoughts. He loved her and she loved him. Nothing else mattered.

From there she dedicated herself to enjoying one of the best sex sessions shared with Killian. He looked like a man on a mission, determined to extract every drop of pleasure from her body, playing it perfectly as an instrument, and paralyzing any coherent thought, her mind focused only on him and the intensity of her feelings towards him.

Both seemed insatiable that night. They only needed a few minutes to recover and started the second round. This time they made love more slowly sharing soft caresses, loving glances, and searing kisses while their bodies danced in a quiet tune until they reached sweet release.

Killian seemed calmer after their amorous activities. He lay on one side facing her, his fingers tracing delicate patterns up and down her back. His lips drew the first genuine smile of the night while his gaze seemed clearer, more serene, no trace of his previous agitated expression.

Emma was tempted to interrogate him, but she didn't want to risk clouding his mood again. She felt so sated and relieved to see that Killian had managed to relax that she thought it would be better if she left the interrogation for the next day. Even so, she didn't resist addressing him subtly.

"You know I'm here, whenever you feel ready to talk, okay?" She whispered as she gently stroked his hair at the back of his neck.

"Aye Swan. I know." His lips brushed hers for a moment before looking back into her eyes with a significant expression. "Tomorrow. I promise."

"Good." She snuggled against him, feeling a protective arm wrapping her. "I love you." She muttered while resting her head on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart against her ear.

"I love you, too. More than anything."

The last thought that crossed her mind before succumbing to sleep was that those words hid an even deeper meaning than it seemed. Something told her that she would soon find it out.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

The sun had not yet risen when Emma woke up the next morning, finding the room covered by gloom and a warm body behind her. After letting out a yawn, she cracked an eye open to check the time on the bedside clock. Too early.

Emma snuggled into Killian, feeling his strong arm on her waist and his chest against her bare back, not an inch of space between the two bodies. Although she couldn't see his face in that position, his soft breathing indicated that he was still sound asleep.

She felt like she was in a protective cocoon, all around her inviting her to go back to sleep. Just when her eyelids become heavy, her body decided to betray her, bringing her back to the world of consciousness. Both her bladder and her stomach protested due to the excessive hours of inactivity, making it impossible for her to fall asleep again.

In spite of the fact that her mind was still partly cloudy, some flashes of the activities from the previous night began to appear, causing her cheeks to blush. Emma also vaguely remembered that she hadn't been able to eat any food, since they had started their coupling as soon as she arrived home, just as her stomach was reminding her with a very loud rumble.

It was the memory of what happened a few hours earlier that led her to turn around carefully so as not to wake him up, with the intention of observing his features once her sight had become accustomed to the semi-darkness that surrounded them. Her heart fluttered as she checked his serene expression, only a faint wrinkle between his brows as an indication of his previous agitation.

She had no choice but to attend to her physiological needs, but, since it was Sunday, she wouldn't wake Killian. Not yet. After placing a feather kiss on his forehead, she got up and went to the closet, to the section that had already been reserved for her, and grabbed a shirt and panties, then headed to the bathroom with stealthy steps, so as not to wake the sleeping handsome.

Her stomach did a little somersault when her eyes landed on the two toothbrushes resting together on the bathroom shelf. She still had a hard time getting used to seeing her belongings occupying a space in his apartment. In other circumstances, she would have felt a torrent of panic and an urge to run. Too fast, she would have thought. That hadn't happened with Killian, though. In fact, since the first time she was in his apartment, she felt that sense of belonging, that she was in the right place.

That feeling had increased to the point that she was comfortable enough to have her own section in his closet or even she had now taken over one of the bathroom shelves. It was a matter of practicality after all. If she spent several nights a week there, it was logical that she had at least her toothbrush and a comb. And her favorite conditioner. And a bathrobe. Even a dryer. A girl likes to have her allies around, right?

After relieving her bladder, and refreshing herself a little — she had ended up so exhausted after their passionate lovemaking session that she had not been able to bring herself to remove her makeup —she went to the kitchen, her stomach growls getting louder and louder.

As she crossed the living room Emma noticed the various bags scattered on the floor while the memory of Killian's reception yesterday came to her memory, causing her knees to weaken and a warm sensation running through her veins. What an intense night!

Once in the kitchen, she found a similar scenario. There was a pot full of water on the counter, and the ingredients of what appeared to be the beginnings of a tomato sauce forgotten on the cutting board. It was like watching a scene frozen in time, as if someone, Killian in this case, had felt the urge to suddenly stop what he was doing.

Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion, a sense of apprehension settling low in her stomach as she wondered what could have happened. It wasn't like him, someone usually quite tidy, to leave the kitchen in that state. Could he have had one of his panic attacks? At least he had had the good sense to turn off the stove because otherwise, the apartment would have become fire fodder while they created another type of fire in the bedroom.

Emma shook her head to try to get rid of that disturbing feeling. Killian had promised to tell her what had happened, so she had no choice but to wait. After letting out a heavy sigh, she turned on the coffee maker and began to clean the kitchen, continuing with the mess of the living room.

A few minutes later, the delicious smell of freshly brewed coffee reached her nostrils, so after finishing cleaning everything, she went back into the kitchen, prepared a giant mug of coffee and looked for something to eat in the cabinet. Her lips drew a smile of satisfaction when she found the poptarts that Killian kept just for her.

The sunlight was already beginning to seep through the windows, but since it was still early, she needed to find some entertainment while waiting for Killian to wake up. If it wasn't because they were already in October and the temperatures had dropped considerably, she would have been tempted to go up to the rooftop, since it was one of her favorite places. Instead, she grabbed Killian's laptop, the poptarts, and the coffee mug and settled on the couch, ready to do some work.

In recent weeks, she had been feeling more and more involved in Killian's business, especially in the social media section. She could spend hours working on the laptop or with her phone, either managing the website of the business that had improved considerably thanks to her magic — Killian's words — or acting as a kind of community manager running all social media to try to attract more customers, especially now that the peak season was over, but several guided tours and excursions were still available.

Belle had pointed out, on more than one occasion, that Emma worked almost more than herself and that she should be rewarded by being turned into a proper employee with her consequent salary, something Killian agreed with, but she always rejected it. She did not consider what she was doing as a job but as a way to put her knowledge to good use, something that brought her full satisfaction, increasing her self-confidence.

She soon got down to work, losing track of time as usual. Just when she was focused, an unexpected sound coming from the laptop startled her to the point that she almost dropped the device. Liam was calling.

Her eyebrows furrowed while looking at the time on the clock. Wasn't it a bit early for a video call on Sunday? Maybe it was something important. Before answering though, she cleared her throat and straightened her back, placing the laptop on her lap. She didn't mind talking to Liam at all, but she couldn't help her stomach tightening into knots in anticipation before starting a call with Liam, especially if Killian wasn't present. After taking a deep breath, she pressed the answer button while forcing her lips to twist into a smile to mask her nervousness.

The slightly blurred image of Liam appeared immediately on the screen. It was fun, in a way, to watch as his expression transformed several times over the course of just a few seconds. He went from sporting a radiant smile, to changing his expression to one of confusion when he realized that it was she who was answering to finally turn into an expression of regret, probably realizing that it was Sunday, what meant that, obviously, Killian was still sleeping.

"Good morning, lass." The smile returned to his lips, but then his face again showed a worried expression. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

And just like that, all the nerves disappeared and Emma could relax. In these three months, she had been able to learn a lot about the Jones family and she already knew that Liam lived in a state of almost constant concern and had a tendency to overanalyze everything. It was a little exasperating, at first, hence her initial nerves before starting a conversation with him, but deep down she had taken a certain fondness for his behavior.

"Nope." She answered with a dismissive wave of her hand. "But your brother, you know, he's still navigating in the world of dreams."

He chuckled quietly and rubbed his eyes with one hand, as if he wanted to get rid of the accumulated fatigue, before addressing her again. "It's Sunday, I know. Forgive me, love, I have a lot on my mind lately."

"It's okay, I'd been awake for a while." She offered him a cordial smile before continuing. "How are all of you guys over there? How are the kids?"

"All good, but the beginning of the school year is driving me crazy. September has been a very long month." He certainly looked tired, even though it was barely lunchtime there. "Anyway, now it seems that we have all adapted back to the routine, so I hope everything will flow better from now on. But enough talk about me." He waved his hand in front of the screen, his lips drawing a soft smile. "How are you, lass? Is your shoulder fully recovered?"

"Everything's fine." She raised her arm and rolled her shoulder to prove her point. "I'm returning to work tomorrow at full capacity." Emma suppressed the urge to roll her eyes when Liam's brow frowned slightly, wearing the same expression as his brother when he tried not to show his concern. They were so alike that sometimes it became a bit overwhelming.

From there they held a lively talk on various topics, the kids, her new case or the end of the peak season. Despite those nerves of anticipation that always appeared when she started talking to Liam, a warm sensation seized her whenever they talked, as she felt increasingly comfortable and integrated with the Jones family, as if she was part of them too.

What Emma did not expect was that the conversation would take such an unexpected turn.

"Oh god, I almost forgot the real reason for my call." He hit his forehead with the palm of his hand as he shook his head. "See? These children of mine cause me to lose neurons by leaps and bounds." Emma couldn't help a laugh bubbling in her throat at Liam's overdramatic attitude, something he also shared with his brother. "Anyway... there it goes before I forget it again. Do you know if Killian has already bought the tickets?"

"Tickets? What tickets?" She asked tentatively. She honestly had no idea what he was talking about, but that didn't prevent a strange sensation from settling in the pit of her stomach, causing her body to go suddenly tense. She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.

"The plane tickets to travel to Ireland, of course."

Her stomach dropped to her toes while her smile faltered the moment her brain processed Liam's words and their implications. "There's only one month left and if he doesn't hurry the tickets will cost him an arm and a leg. As always."

Her eyes drifted for a moment as she took a deep breath in an attempt to pull herself together. He's leaving. Emma shook away that thought and pressed her lips together forcing a neutral expression before responding. "No, he hasn't bought them yet. I'll tell him later." She managed to reply in a carefree enough tone, or so she expected.

Although Liam continued speaking, Emma felt unable to process what he said, her mind occupied with other concerns. One month left. How had time passed so fast? Emma shouldn't be surprised, though. She knew, even before they started dating, that that was his life, that he spent half the year here in Boston and the other half back in Ireland. She knew that, they were both aware, but they had decided to live their relationship in the present without worrying about what might happen in the future. Also, back in July, November seemed so far away.

"Emma, are you alright?"

Liam's words brought her back to reality. Emma swallowed hard hoping to drag her unease down as she curled her lips up. In no way was she going to put more worries on his shoulders. "Yeah. I got distracted for a moment, thinking there is only one month left and we still have to finish some projects for The Jolly Cruises."

Luckily Liam didn't seem to notice her inner turmoil, as he smiled back at her, his face showing an expression of affection that caused her heart to calm down for a while. "That brother of mine has managed to involve you in his business, hasn't he?" He rolled his eyes, as his smile widened before continuing speaking without waiting for an answer. "You're doing an amazing job, by the way."

His compliment had an immediate effect on her, causing her cheeks to blush, a shy smile pulling at her lips. "Thank you. I was working right now on it while Killian sleeps."

"Oh, sorry for the interruption, lass. I'll let you get back to it, then." The conversation did not end there, though, since suddenly Liam's eyebrows arched and his eyes widened as if he were remembering something. "By the way, when Killian decides to buy his tickets you could take the opportunity to buy yours too."

"Mine?" What was he talking about?

"Well, considering that Killian will spend Christmas here, we assumed that you would come too." A warm sensation began to run through her veins as her heart swelled in her chest when she heard him. Both the expression of affection that appeared on his face and the spark of hope in his gaze only increased that feeling especially when she processed the true meaning of Liam's words.

"Eh..." She trailed off while swallowing hard to try to drag down the lump in her throat. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times but she was unable to make any sound. It was like she was so busy trying to curb the intense emotion that threatened to overwhelm her that her brain seemed unable to form coherent words.

She had never been invited to Christmas celebrations. Ever. She had practically ignored these holidays by keeping busy or locked in her apartment so as not to witness the happiness of others. She hadn't even considered that possibility when she started dating Killian so she didn't know how to handle so many emotions dancing inside her.

"You have to come, Emma. We will all be here." Emma had been so distracted for a moment that she didn't realize that Elsa had appeared on the screen next to her husband. Her expression was gentle, as always, but her slightly maternal tone, as if he were addressing one of her children, had the desired effect, as Emma managed to get out of her trance. "Christmas at the Jones' house is always special. It has been some time since we brought someone new so I'm sure that with you here it will be even more special."

She was totally doing it. Damn it, she deserved for once a good thing to happen in her life. It seemed such good things had not stopped happening since she had lost her phone. Now that her life seemed to have taken the right path she wasn't willing to lose more opportunities to be happy. And if she had to cross the ocean for the first time in her life to spend Christmas with her boyfriend and his family, nothing and nobody could stop her.

"Okay." She breathed out. "I guess I can use a couple of weeks of vacation since I’ve never taken one." She continued in a more firm tone while the corners of her lips rose slightly drawing a timid smile.

"That's amazing, Emma!" Elsa almost yelled, her voice dripping with excitement. "I can't wait to see you in person and finally hug you."

"Wait for the children to hear the news." Liam added, the wide smile on his face matching his wife's and probably also her own.

They continued talking animatedly for the next few minutes. There was something in common in all the members of this family, no doubt, that was their ability to spread their genuine enthusiasm to others. They got her to forget for a while about the implications of Killian's departure by having her focus instead on her own journey.

Only when she finished the call after saying goodbye and promising them that she would talk to Killian to buy the tickets did she realize that the smile hadn't disappeared from her face since they had begun planning her visit.

Her inner calm did not last long, though. The moment the living room fell silent again, the image of Killian made an appearance, causing her smile to fade and a feeling of unease to wash over her.

He's leaving. He's leaving. He's leaving.

After letting out a deep exhalation she set the laptop on the coffee table and laid back onto the couch, with her head on the arm while she massaged her temples in an attempt to eliminate those thoughts.

He wasn't leaving. He would only travel for a few months and then he would come back to her. She was sure of it, but that didn't stop her selfish side from making an appearance. He could always choose to stay. They both could travel a couple of weeks during Christmas and come home together.

No. That was not an option. She may have lived the last years selfishly, looking only for herself because she had no one to lean on, no one to fight for. That stage of her life had been left behind, though. The love she felt for him was so intense that his happiness had become one of her goals in life, because if he was happy she would be too. And she was fully aware that she didn't have the exclusivity of Killian's happiness. She could not take him away from his other great source in that regard, his beloved family.

The sound of footsteps coming from the hall drew her attention, so Emma raised her head slightly, directing her gaze in that direction. Killian appeared at that moment in her sight, as if he had been invoked.

He was... he was many things, but at that moment she could only think that her boyfriend appeared gorgeous in his sleepy state. Emma sat up a little leaning on her elbows to delight in the glorious image in front of her. His eyes were still partially closed giving him an adorable drowsy expression and his hair was completely disheveled. He was shirtless, of course —she wasn't going to complain at all, his bare torso was certainly a vision.

His lips moved subtly up when his eyes fell on her. "Morning." He mumbled in an almost intelligible tone and then, without giving her time to react, he laid on her, pressing his body against hers and burying his face between her breasts.

Emma couldn't help smiling while her hand brushed his hair. If there was something she had learned since the very beginning, it was that Killian despised having to get up early on Sundays. Whenever he had to get up early that specific day he ended up dragging an aura of moodiness for the next few hours. Today was still early for his standards.

"If you wanted to continue sleeping you could simply have stayed in bed."

"Nonsense. This mattress is much more comfortable." He muttered without bothering to move his head, his low voice muffled by her own body sending electric waves all over her skin. "Not to mention the pillow, magnificent." He raised his head, his piercing blue eyes fixed on hers and a smirk blooming on his lips. He then returned to his original position while making a satisfying sound as he settled back against her chest.

So he wasn't in a bad mood today, that was good. They continued in that position for a while, he emitting soft moans as she massaged his scalp and she feeling his warm breath on her skin.

There was something special in these little moments, where everything seemed to be calm and they remained in their own bubble of bliss, both together, enjoying each other, with nothing that clouded their happiness. Emma closed her eyes as she tried to etch this scene in her mind. She decided right at that moment that she was going to treasure as many more moments like this as possible, since they would be her companions when Killian was away, as a reminder that what she had experienced wasn't a dream, and also as a promise of future. They would share these experiences together again.

"Who were you talking to before?" Killian's hoarse voice brought her back to reality.

"It was Liam. The poor guy is still a bit disoriented with the schedule after the start of school." She bit her lower lip, doubting whether it was a good idea to explain the true reason for his call or not. At some point they would have to address the issue. Why not right now? After taking a deep breath, she kept talking. "He wanted to know if you had already bought the plane tickets."

His body tensed above her, while she held her breath waiting for his next reaction. He remained in the same position for a few seconds while her heart pounded so hard that Emma was sure he would be feeling it.

After a moment that became eternal, he let out a heavy exhalation before pulling up and sitting next to her. Without looking at her, he dragged a hand down his face and rubbed at his scruff.

Emma also sat up, crossing her legs in front of her, while carefully watching all of his reactions. "About that..." His voice trailed off as if he was deciding what to say next. He nodded in an almost imperceptible movement that didn't go unnoticed by Emma and then he looked into her eyes, the ghost of a smile adorning his face. "I've been thinking that maybe this year is better if I stay here."

Her eyes widened and her breath hitched as she tried to process the meaning of his words. His gaze remained fixed on hers, those piercing blue eyes capable of reaching her very soul. He was choosing her. He had made a decision. He had chosen her over everything — or rather everyone —else.

"I mean. Maybe I can travel for Christmas, since I wouldn't like to miss the holidays there. Or maybe I can arrange a couple of trips in alternate months. I don't know..." He was rambling, his hand reaching to scratch behind his ear in that characteristic gesture of his, but then, his eyes bore into hers while his features turned into a solemn expression. "I just know that I don't want to be separated from you for five bloody months."

Everything made sense at that moment. She realized what he had gone through the night before, his struggle as he tried to decide what he should do. She also understood how after making love, he seemed much calmer, his expression more serene, as if that inner struggle had ended with a clear winner. He chose her. I love you, too. More than anything.

She felt a lump in her throat, a surge of emotions rising in her chest as the back of her eyes began to sting. She allowed herself a few more seconds to remain in that sensation as if she were floating. Then, she squeezed her eyes to stop the incipient tears as she lightly shook her head in an attempt to not let herself be seized by emotions and to act rationally.

For once in her life, someone had chosen her, regardless of anything or anyone. She already had that, she could already treasure it as something precious. But she couldn't allow him to make that decision, at least not without first expressing what she felt.

"No." The word came out of her mouth before she even had time to process it.

"No?" His voice dripped with confusion as his brows furrowed.

She felt the irresistible urge to touch him, to feel the warmth of his skin under her fingertips, to make that wrinkle between his eyebrows disappear. She did not resist the impulse this time, so without thinking twice, she got up and sat astride him, her hands cupping his face.

"I appreciate your choice. You don't have any idea of what it means to me." The smile that blossomed on his lips almost made her melt into a puddle. She had to blink a few times to break the spell and be able to continue. "But I'm also sure that I won't be the cause of you being separated from your family."

He made an attempt to reply, but she brought her index finger to his lips and tapped them lightly. In response, he pressed a gentle kiss on her finger and remained silent. This was a decisive moment in her life. She was aware that by making this decision, she was ignoring her selfish side, the one who had helped her survive all these years ago. She knew she was taking a leap of faith, but she was also sure that no matter what, Killian would always come to her. After taking a deep breath, she continued talking.

"You should go. Your family loves you, they're looking forward to your return. Your niece asks every day when you're going back home. Besides you also have responsibilities there. We... We will figure out what to do next year, with more time to organize."

Both remained silent for a few seconds, while she watched as endless emotions crossed his gaze, the blue in his eyes more intense than ever. She felt his hands placed on both sides of her waist while caressing her skin under her shirt in a rather distracting movement. It was Killian who broke the silence, his hands never leaving her body.

"Next year... I like how it sounds."

It sounds like a promise. Like a future.

“So…”

He tilted his head and she mirrored him, his Adam’s apple bobbing as his bottom lip caught between his teeth. He then threw back his head and let out a deep sigh before his eyes fell on hers again. The intense flash of his gaze was a clear indication that he had finally made his decision. "Okay... I'll go with one condition."

This time it was she who looked at him in confusion. “What condition?”

"That you travel to spend Christmas with us."

She didn't even have time to explain, since Killian suddenly seemed extremely motivated, any inner struggle forgotten to focus on a new goal. "You can't turn it down, Swan. I'm sure Graham won't deny you a couple of weeks of vacation." The excitement radiating from his body was such that Emma did not dare to try to interrupt him again. "Think of it as a way to fulfill your dreams. You can finally travel to Europe and you can also live, even temporarily, near the sea. It's a perfect plan, love."

"Okay, I accept." She said simply while shrugging her shoulders in a nonchalant gesture. She pressed her lips together to stop the laughter that had begun to bubble in her throat.

"You do? Just like that, without objections?"

"I mean. You could have saved your speech. Very convincing, by the way. The truth is that I had already accepted before."

"Before?"

This time Emma couldn't help bursting out laughing. It was as if Killian was living in a state of permanent confusion since they had begun this conversation.

"What is so funny?" He asked in an amused voice.

"You keep asking with an expression of confusion like that." Emma made an attempt to imitate his expression with her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes narrowed, causing him to chuckle.

The liberating laugh subsided after a few seconds although Emma could still feel his vibrant body under her touch.

"That's because I can't figure you out today, Swan. You keep surprising me." The sound of his velvety voice and the tone full of devotion did something in her insides. "But you never answered my question, love."

"It was your brother." She admitted. "He and Elsa convinced me to travel and I accepted."

"So is it true? Are you going to travel to Ireland?" She watched his expression of disbelief, his eyes flickering quickly between hers, as if he still didn't believe it.

She nodded with a slight movement of her head, while her lips curled in what she hoped was a reassuring smile, her hand gently brushed his cheek.

The expression on his face became one of pure happiness, his sparkling gaze the last thing she saw before he pushed her against him and kissed her hard.

The last coherent thought that crossed her mind before getting lost in the incredible feeling of being kissed by Killian Jones, was the somewhat startling idea of flying for the first time over the ocean. She better get used to the idea of making the trip, because there would be nothing to stop her from flying to Killian and his family.

The countdown began. But instead of counting the days left for Killian to leave, she decided to focus on the days left to fulfill her dreams. She couldn’t wait to discover Europe, but what she was looking forward to the most was being able to enjoy the Christmas spirit for the first time, something that had been denied to her before but now, thanks to Killian, would finally come true.

Before you yell at me, Killian leaving to Ireland was something planned from the beginning, but hey, Emma is going to travel too and I have plans for them there. They will only be separated during one chapter, I promise (maybe I shouldn't, given my tendency to split chapters, but that's my plan anyway)

Thanks for reading :)

@rouhn @couldnthandleit @teamhook @malec4everr@kmomof4 @resident-of-storybrooke @suwya @thisonesatellite @lfh1962 @let-it-raines

#cs ff #captain swan #captain swan ff #cs au #call me #cs au ff #mayquita writes #my cs writings

42 notes · View notes

donnythewriter · 4 years

Text

The MSR Houston Incident of 2015

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD - DAY

A convoy travels down a narrow and winding road.

INT. MRAP - DAY

A group of soldiers and a reporter, MARK DIAZ, (24) look out at the scenery around them.

Diaz holds a DSLR camera and wears a GoPro.

DONOVAN PAULSEN, (26) sits there with his M4 in front of him. He thumbs a photo of his family.

CARLOS HERNANDEZ, (22) drives the MRAP.

Conrad stands on the mounted gun.

Don looks up from the inside at Conrad.

DON Hey Miller, you get your head blown off yet?

CONRAD Nope, you shoot yourself yet? I know being married tends to push a guy like you over the edge. Shit, I'll do it for you should it come to that.

DON Nope. I least I won't die without getting my dick sucked! How about I come up there and cut your throat open?

Hernandez looks back at Diaz. Diaz jots notes down.

HERNANDEZ You see what I gotta deal with man? These white boys keep wanting to whack each other. Wey, back in the hood we'd have just done it.

CONRAD Well, I'd do something, but unlike you, Paulsen and I don't look all that good in orange.

HERNANDEZ Say that shit in the hood, homie.

DON Is it because you can't actually fight him yourself and need four of your hombres to do it for you?

Diaz smirks at this. Hernandez glances back and glares at Diaz.

HERNANDEZ Don't think I won't fuck you up, homie.

DIAZ You've already tried.

HERNANDEZ You don't need no fancy martial arts when you got four of your homies backing you up you know.

DIAZ They ONLY came in when I had you on the ground.

HERNANDEZ Still proves a point, carnal.

Diaz looks down at his notepad again. He looks up and around at the others.

DON Oh christ, he's got that look again.

CONRAD Which one, the stupid question or we did a Geneva Convention no no look?

DON The stupid question one.

The three groan at this.

HERNANDEZ Wey, why didn't you just come in like the other reporters? Just drop in by helicopter and camera crew like all them white boys, ask the questions and then leave?

DON Kid's got a point, you're not like the rest of them. We get the usual run of the mill types, CNN, NBC, whole nine yards. The hell? You just wake up one day and think "I'm going to sit with a bunch of trained killers and record what I see"?

DIAZ I answer those questions and you guys answer mine.

DON Yeah, fine.

HERNANDEZ Whatever, man.

CONRAD Deal.

DIAZ Well when being a creative writer fucks you and you're 200k in the hole, you kind of run out of options.

CONRAD Real question is, why didn't you just opt to enlist like every other jerk off? Be cool like us.

DIAZ Three heart attacks.

Conrad looks down from the turret.

Hernandez looks back from the driver's seat.

His eyes wide and for a moment he carries a look of concern.

CONRAD Are you fucking serious? Paulsen?

DON Yeah?

CONRAD Did you bother to tell anyone that this guy could die on us at any given moment?

DON It's the first I'm hearing of it.

CONRAD Well, if he does go down I'm putting him out of his misery. One less guy for you you to carry.

DIAZ It'd be a welcome change. Anyway, question time.

A collective and annoyed groan from everyone in the vehicle.

Diaz pulls out his notepad.

DIAZ (CONT’D) Gimme a sec here just...

CONRAD GUYS I GOT-

The question reads, "What's waiting for you guys at home?"

The MRAP at the front of the convoy goes off, a fiery explosion with it.

The radio next to Hernandez lights up.

IND SOLDIER 1 (radio) Vic two to all victors! Vics one and four are down, I repeat vics one and four are down!

DIAZ No shit!

Fear shows in Diaz's eyes as he throws his camera down.

Conrad fires the machine gun, as the group scrambles to get out of the vehicle. Rounds fly into the MRAP doors.

DIAZ (CONT’D) SHIT SHIT SHIT!

HERNANDEZ Man, where the fuck they shooting from?!

One flies past Diaz and Don.

DON Conrad, keep those fuckers heads' down, everyone else, OUT!

The radio next to Hernandez lights up.

Another explosion rings out.

IND SOLDIER 1 (O.S.) (radio) Vic two to all victors! Vics one and four are down, I repeat vics one and four are down!

DIAZ No shit!

Fear shows in Diaz's eyes as he throws his camera down.

Conrad fires the M2. The shell casings fall inside.

As the group scrambles to get out of the vehicle. Rounds fly into the MRAP doors.

One flies past Diaz and Paulsen. The two look at each other.

PAULSEN EVERYONE OUT!

The Humvee behind them goes up in smoke as an RPG flies into its side.

IND SOLDIER 1 (O.S.) (radio) Be advised, we just lost vic six!

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD - DAY

Don keeps his head down as rounds fly above his head. A burning and turned over Humvee sits in front of a stopped MRAP.

Don looks around.

Diaz scrambles in front of him behind the tire of the MRAP they just exited. He takes his helmet and checks it, then looks up at Don.

DIAZ What the hell are we doing man?!

Screams fill the air as rounds start to land on the MRAP. Don raises one finger and peers out behind him.

IND SOLDIER 1 (O.S.) MEDIC! OH GOD, DOC!

An RPG hits the second vehicle at the front of the convoy. It's a one lane road.

DON There's no escape... We're fuckin' boxed in.

The Humvee behind him has dead soldiers in it. One door is open. One soldier lays there, his head in the ground.

Don takes a moment to look at all this.

Conrad lays down fire with the .50. Hernandez looks back at Don.

HERNANDEZ STAFF SERGEANT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING WEY?!

DON (looks around more) Hold position here! KEEP LAYING DOWN FIRE!

Don takes off his rifle and passes it to Diaz. He takes the rifle magazines off his vest.

DIAZ Give me a gun, I can fight!

DON Good, remember what I taught you?

Diaz nods and stands up, rifle in hand. His hands shake as he tries to lay down fire with the rest of them.

Don looks up.

DON (CONT’D) Miller, you-

A round hits Miller's helmet. He falls down from the turret.

DON (CONT’D) Oh, fuck!

Don opens the door to the MRAP. Rounds hit the glass as Don drags him out. He takes Conrad's helmet off and takes out a pack of cold compress.

Conrad swats it away from his head.

Conrad throws his helmet off to the side.

CONRAD I'm fine, take care of the others!

Conrad stands back and stumbles for a second. He reaches back into the MRAP and takes a 240 SAW.

Don nods. He checks behind him at the downed soldier. He looks back at the front of the convoy.

DON Son of a bitch.

Don turns around.

DON (CONT’D) FUCKING COVER ME, I GOTTA GET TO THE BURNING HUMMER!

CONRAD GOT IT!

HERNANDEZ COPY!

The two start firing at the same time.

A volley of bullets returns fire.

CONRAD (CONT’D) GO!

Don runs across to the next MRAP and opens the passenger's side door. He knocks on the side door.

DON Friendly coming through!

VALENTINE, (21) is on the radio.

VALENTINE (O.S.) (into radio) Baseplate, I say again! We are troops in contact at this time!

Diaz watches the hillside as he watches more fighters try and make their way down from the mountainside.

DIAZ I see four, they're on the mountain. I think that's 200 meters away from us!

Shots begin to ring next to him, the dirt around him starts kick up from incoming fire.

HERNANDEZ You can count homie? Great, next thing you're gonna tell us is that you write! How many did you get?!

Miller and Hernandez start to light up the village below them as the fire continues.

CONRAD Four, fuckface!

Diaz tries to range the target.

HERNANDEZ Damn it, I got three!

Diaz's gun goes dry.

DIAZ This is fucked up man!

HERNANDEZ Not as bad as your girl back home!

Hernandez laughs as he reloads.

HERNANDEZ (CONT’D) Come back from this and you're definitely getting laid!

Diaz shakes as he fumbles with the mag. He ejects the other one and fumbles with the full magazine.

Diaz readjusts his glasses.

He finally places the magazine in as a round flies into his chest. He falls back.

DIAZ Oh fuck I'm shot!

Miller runs over to him and looks him over.

MILLER It's just your vest, get back in the fight!

Diaz struggles with his gun, then checks the paddle. He chambers another round, then fires more.

Miller looks back.

Diaz's shots land around the insurgents, causing them to reposition.

MILLER (CONT’D) REPORTER! YOU'RE JERKING THE TRIGGER. SLOW DOWN! TAKE A BREATH.

Diaz does so, his eyes in line with the sights.

MILLER (CONT’D) BREATHE!

Diaz calms down and stops shaking.

MILLER (CONT’D) SQUEEZE!

He squeezes the trigger, his ACOG sight aligned with an insurgent.

Four shots ring out next to them.

Diaz fires a shot, as pink mist leaves an insurgent.

MILLER (CONT’D) KILL!

Don comes back from this, an unconscious soldier over him.

DON Friendlies, watch your fire!

Miller looks over.

MILLER Paulsen, WHAT HAPPENED?! Did you just commit a fucking war crime?!

Miller provides cover fire.

The soldier has a bandage over his abdomen.

Don sets the other soldier down behind the MRAP, then runs back through the Humvee's smoke.

He comes back almost another second later.

DANIEL CHO, (21) comes out, a bandage wrapped around his arm.

CHO I can't feel my legs, doc!

DON Don't worry, your dick still works.

Don cracks a weak smile, then holds a serious look in his eyes.

DON (CONT’D) I need you to call in the nine lines, you're the only one who can do it right now. I'm a little caught up.

Cho looks at Don with fear in his eyes. He trembles as he's given the radio.

CHO You trust me?

DON Don't get your head blown off.

Cho takes out a map and gets on the radio.

CHO (into radio) Baseplate this is Alpha 3-3, standby for nine line!

Don takes a breath.

DON Hernandez, good?

HERNANDEZ Still kickin'!

DON Miller!

Miller shoots a thumbs up as he stares down the sights of his rifle. Miller takes a few more shots.

DON (CONT’D) Diaz!

He turns around.

DIAZ I'm good, yeah I'm-

A round flies through the side of Diaz's neck.

Diaz falls behind the MRAP tire, rifle in hand.

The blood splatters on Don's kevlar and face.

DIAZ (CONT’D) I'VE BEEN SHOT HELP!

Diaz rolls around behind the MRAP.

DON Hernandez, watch the mountainside!

Hernandez switches positions. The fire continues near them.

He picks up where Diaz left off. The fighters on the mountain start taking cover and firing back at them.

A round flies past Don. Don crawls over.

DON (CONT’D) Reporter, hey! Look at me!

Diaz looks up at him.

Don moves his hand off Diaz's neck, cleaning off the area around the wound.

He wraps it.

DON (CONT’D) Hold that.

He places the bandage, wrapping it under his opposite arm.

Don passes the rifle back to him.

DON (CONT’D) Get back to it.

Parks takes a breath.

He repositions himself sitting against the MRAP tire and goes firing at the insurgents on the mountaintop.

DON (CONT’D) Hernandez, back where you were.

An explosion rocks the Hummer behind them.

SPECIALIST JACK MANSLEY, (22) crawls out from the smoke of the explosion mere seconds later.

MANSLEY Doc! My leg! Doc!

DON COVER ME!

Hernandez, Miller, and Diaz start firing from their positions.

MANSLEY DOOCCCC! DOCCCCC!

Mansley stares at the sky.

Don runs over to him.

DON Fuck.

Don ties off the tourniquet.

MANSLEY How's it look doc?

DON You're gonna fucking die.

MANSLEY I'm never gonna taste that stripper's pussy again.

Don chuckles.

DON Which one?

MANSLEY Your sister's.

Don glares as he bandages his stump.

DON Don't make me take this off.

MANSLEY When I see your sister, the only thing coming off is that tank top she's got.

He drags Mansley behind his Hummer.

Mansley's leg sits on top of the hill. Don stops, grabs it, and throws it next to him.

Parks is next to them. He's on a mounted Squad Automatic and engages targets below them.

Parks begins to switch rounds in his belt as the fire returns back to his position. He scoots back and finishes his reload.

Don shows up next to him and taps him on the shoulder.

DON You hit?!

Parks gives a thumbs up. A round hits his helmet and causes him to roll over.

Parks looks up at Don. Don takes Parks's helmet off. A bruise sits along his head.

DON (CONT’D) You're good, come on!

Don puts the helmet back on Parks's head and helps him up. He grabs Parks's machine gun and passes it over to him. Parks nods and begins to fall back to where Conrad and Diaz are.

Don runs toward the front of the convoy. Wounded soldiers run by him. Some shout orders, some fall back toward the front while others cover them. James stands there and fires rounds of a mortar tube.

He hears a thud.

O'DONNELL The door's closed!

Don reaches in and pulls O'Donnel out.

DON Stay here and shoot back!

He looks at the Humvee.

The three are positioned around different sections of the MRAP and shoot back at the assailants.

DON (CONT’D) Cover me, I gotta move!

O'DONNELL GOT IT, I got you!

BELL On it!

DON Moving!

The two fire off a volley of shots as Don crosses to the burning Hummer.

There he hears screams from the inside. They grow louder as he approaches.

He looks at the Humvee.

The engine's on fire alongside the driver's side.

The driver RYAN, (24) panics and burns alive inside the vehicle.

RYAN HELP ME! HELLLLPPP! SOMEONE FUCKING DO SOMETHING!

Don makes his way over the door. The glass breaks and the entire Humvee is engulfed in flames. Screams ring out.

Don's eyes widen as he tries to go around the Hummer, only to be met with another volley of gunfire.

DON Oh, no...

He looks around him. Soldiers sit frozen, while others are on radios calling for support. Others shoot back, while others tend to their wounds.

Don takes a deep breath and takes out his M9.

DON (CONT’D) I'm so sorry.

He walks up to the burning Humvee. Don takes his Beretta and fires into the sitting positions in them.

INT. MRAP - DAY

Three of the soldiers ROSS, (20), BELL, (19), O'DONNELL, (18) inside freeze up in fear.

A body lies in the middle of them. His nametape reads "Vazquez".

DON GET THE FUCK OUT!

They hold their rifles as they stare at the burning Humvee in front of them.

Don taps one on the leg.

DON (CONT’D) HEY! LET'S GO!

The three wake up from their trance. Two get out from Don's side. One gets out from the side the fire comes from and gets lit up by the incoming fire.

DON (CONT’D) Other way, moron!

He opens the door as a round flies in and hits him in the chest.

DON (CONT’D) Jesus, fuck!

Don ducks down and takes out his Beretta. Bullets whiz past his head.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD - DAY

He hears a thud.

O'DONNELL The door's closed!

Don reaches in and pulls O'Donnel out.

DON Stay here and shoot back!

He looks at the Humvee.

The three are positioned around different sections of the MRAP and shoot back at the assailants.

DON (CONT’D) Cover me, I gotta move!

O'DONNELL GOT IT, I got you!

BELL On it!

DON Moving!

The two fire off a volley of shots as Don crosses to the burning Hummer.

There he hears screams from the inside. They grow louder as he approaches.

He looks at the Humvee.

The engine's on fire alongside the driver's side.

The driver RYAN, (24) panics and burns alive inside the vehicle.

RYAN HELP ME! HELLLLPPP! SOMEONE FUCKING DO SOMETHING!

Don makes his way over the door. The glass breaks and the entire Humvee is engulfed in flames. Screams ring out.

Don's eyes widen as he tries to go around the Hummer, only to be met with another volley of gunfire.

DON Oh, no...

He looks around him. Soldiers sit frozen, while others are on radios calling for support. Others shoot back, while others tend to their wounds.

Don takes a deep breath and takes out his M9.

DON (CONT’D) I'm so sorry.

He walks up to the burning Humvee. Don takes his Beretta and fires into the sitting positions in them.

Each round fires wears on his face.

One.

Two.

Three.

He goes to take out the fourth person.

His gun malfunctions and he clears it.

He pulls the trigger once more.

The world goes silent, then comes back.

Bags form under his eyes. He carries a thousand yard stare.

Don holsters his handgun and looks to his side.

One of the wounded looks Don in the eyes with a look of fear. Don just nods at him, then peers out. Smoke covers his advance. He runs across and makes it to the Humvee over to JOHNSON, (19).

JOHNSON YOU JUST FUCKING SHOT 'EM MAN! Like- Like dogs!

Don stops the bleeding from Johnson's arm.

DON Can you fight?

JOHNSON You fucking murdered them!

Don nods-

DON I know.

Johnson gives him a look of disgust.

JOHNSON You're a fucking murderer, man!

DON Not right now!

Don runs over to the next vehicle and dodges another volley of bullets.

A group of soldiers sits around a map. COLONEL TYLER, (mid- 40s) is in the middle of the group. He looks down at a map.

TYLER ...Negative baseplate, we are 40 percent combat ineffective at this time, and cut off from the other half of our convoy. We are requesting a QRF at this time, how copy?

The radio goes off.

BASEPLATE (O.S.) Copy 1-1, we're sending ANA to assist.

DON Oh that's bad.

Don holds his handgun with both hands. He takes cover behind vehicles. Gunfire rings out around them. Don moves to another MRAP.

DON (CONT’D) Friendly coming through!

An insurgent rises above a hill and shows himself. He holds an AK in his hand.

Don raises his Beretta dumps a magazine into the insurgent. The rounds land in the side of the AK.

The insurgent points his rifle Don. It lets out a clack.

Don drops the magazine to his Beretta. As Don reaches for an extra magazine, the insurgent charges at Don.

PARKS (O.S.) They're right on us!

The insurgent tackles Don to the ground and pushes his gun away. He begins to strangle Don.

Don looks off to his side at Johnson. Johnson holds a rifle out and trains it on the insurgent's head, but sits there frozen in fear.

Don reaches for his knife and slashes in the insurgent's leg. The man's leg heals itself in an instant.

Don's eyes widen in shock.

Don starts to lose consciousness.

James runs over with an e-tool and bashes the insurgent's skull. The insurgent falls to the ground as James takes out a 9mm and fires two rounds into his head.

Don rolls over and coughs. He tries to catch his breath.

James looks over at Don.

JAMES Stay down, doc! We'll find someone else!

Don stands back up and coughs again. He walks over to a Humvee.

DON I'm fine!

James nods at Don and runs back to a mortar tube.

Don stands back up and turns looks over at a group of officers. Don struggles to catch his breath. Behind Don, the soldier that loads mortar rounds takes a bullet in the head.

A LIEUTENANT MARSTON, (24) stands behind Tyler. He carries a look of concern in his eyes, his inexperience shows as he struggles as he looks at a map.

DON (CONT’D) Sir.

Marston looks back at Don with a look of confusion.

DON (CONT’D) I'm from vic five.

A rocket goes off near them.

The Lieutenant flinches.

Don points to the burning wreckage of a Humvee.

DON (CONT’D) We've got multiple wounded, our infantry guys are gone and done for.

MARSTON What do you want me to do, Staff Sergeant?

Don's eyes widen.

DON I'm saying our guys are pinned down...

MARSTON Where's your rifle, Sarn't?

Don rolls his eyes.

DON Fuck this.

Don looks over his shoulder. Don turns around and makes his way back to their MRAP.

Soldiers fire back at the insurgents above and below. Don looks at one that stands and takes shots with an M2 Browning on another MRAP. The soldier next to Don lays prone with a 240.

TYLER (O.S.) ANA's currently engaged, we're not gonna see them for 20 minutes.

Rounds fly past Don.

DON FUCK!

Don takes cover behind the MRAP, then looks at the soldier on the M2.

DON (CONT’D) HEY!

The soldier on the turret looks at him.

Another explosion rings out and lands against the MRAP. Don's hands shake.

He's not there anymore.

Don's eyes widen and carry shock and confusion.

The dust around him is kicked up. A volley of fire comes down next to him, then stops. He takes the chance to cross to the next Humvee.

Parks sits on a 240 and continues to fire down below. He begins to reload.

Don opens up the door to the interior of the MRAP.

MRAP

The soldier, a SPECIALIST THOMAS, (21) lies there.

THOMAS Am I gonna be okay, doc? Something doesn't feel right, it feels a little chilly.

Don chuckles.

His stare changes from that of hope to sorrow.

DON (muttering) Oh christ.

Thomas has a blanket draped over his body.

THOMAS Doc? I don't feel right, I just don't feel right.

Half of Thomas's torso is missing.

DON You're gonna die, that's what's happening.

Thomas looks down at himself with wide eyes. He lets out a groan of pain as he looks at Don.

THOMAS No, no, doc you're doc! You can make this better!

A tear rolls down Don's eye.

DON Not this- I can't do anything for this.

Don grabs his hand.

DON (CONT’D) Look at me Thomas, look at me.

Thomas looks into his eyes. His breaths become more labored.

DON (CONT’D) Who cares about you, Thomas?

THOMAS M-My dog. She passed recently.

DON Close your eyes. She's there waiting for you. It'll hurt a little bit, then you'll feel warm and all this pain goes away.

Don holds Thomas's hand tight.

Thomas closes his eyes.

THOMAS Thank you, doc.

Thomas's hand goes limp.

Don throws the blanket over his now dead body.

Don's hands continue to shake.

Parks continues to suppress with the 240.

DON P-Parks!

Parks looks over at Don.

PARKS What do you need?!

DON H-help me get the wounded.

Don steps away, covered in Thomas's blood.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD - DAY

Parks takes a look at Don.

PARKS I'm sorr-

DON Shut up! I'm gonna kill every last one of these fucks!

Parks nods at him.

PARKS Once I start firing, move!

Don nods and takes out his 9mm. He chamber checks it.

Parks lays down fire.

Don moves across, 9mm in hand.

Don takes out his handgun and fires at the insurgents below. Rounds ping off the metal of the Humvee around him.

DON Parks, go!

Parks moves to Don's position. Don reloads his handgun and throws the magazine off to the side. He loads a fresh magazine.

DON (CONT’D) (pointing to the 240) You good?

PARKS Yeah!

Don moves to the other side of the turned over Humvee. He peers inside. It sits with all four soldiers unconscious inside.

Don grabs them all out, one by one.

He sets them out. Four soldiers run past Don. Don turns around and stops them.

DON Get these guys to the front of the convoy!

IND SOLDIER 1 You crazy?!

Don just gives a glare. The soldier examines Don and nods at him. The group begins to pull the unconscious soldiers out of the turned over Humvee.

Parks continues to fire back.

They pick up the unconscious soldiers and continue to make their way to the front of the convoy.

DON Parks! You got smokes?

PARKS Thomas did!

DON (mutters) Fuck.

Don goes back into the MRAP

MRAP

Don looks away as he gropes around Thomas's vest.

DON I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry...

He reaches for a pouch and takes a smoke grenade from it.

Don comes back to

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD - DAY

blood covered smoke grenade in hand. Don looks at the other soldiers that carry wounded.

DON Parks, stay with me!

Don pops the smoke, clear exhaustion in his eyes.

PARKS 10-4!

Parks continues to lay down fire.

He throws it out, bullets ping off the MRAP's metal.

DON (waving them on) Go... Parks, with me!

The smoke screen rises between the armored vehicles.

Don cuts across the vehicles back to Diaz, Hernandez, and Conrad.

Parks follows behind him.

DON (CONT’D) We're getting out of here!

CONRAD What about you?!

DON I gotta get the rest of the wounded!

CONRAD Well we're not leaving you alone, you fucking faggot! I want to be able to pop your sister's cherry at the funeral.

Don has to hold back a smile.

DON Fuck it! (chuckles) Hernandez, get reporter outta here! We got QRF on the way!

Diaz looks back from his rifle.

DIAZ Fuck you, I'm not leaving! This shit's story of the century, Paulsen!

Don gives a small grin, then looks at Parks.

DON You up for this?

PARKS Fuck yeah, I am.

Diaz has an eccstatic look in his eye.

HERNANDEZ I'm with you, homes!

DON Fuck it, let's do it. Move with me, I'm gonna clear the vehicles and check for wounded. I get fucked up, you pull me away. You move when I do.

Sharpnel flies into Don's helmet, which causes him to fall back.

CONRAD Doc!

Conrad pulls him aside.

Don takes his helmet off.

DON FUCK!

Conrad reaches out for Don.

DON (CONT’D) I'm fine! (throwing his helmet to the side) Bastards! Let's go!

Don moves to the next the vehicle, a turned over Humvee. Behind him, Parks, Diaz, and Conrad open fire

Soldiers lie there in wounds. One soldier writhes around in pain and tries to hold his chest. Don takes out his IFAK and pulls out a chest seal kit.

Don puts it on the soldier. The soldier's breathing normalizes. Don looks down at the name tape.

DON (CONT’D) I'm gonna need to keep you here till the QRF gets here...

The gunfire continues to ping off the metal of the Humvee.

DON (CONT’D) Let's fucking go.

Don looks at the other soldiers. One lies face down. He turns him over.

DON (CONT’D) Ah, fuck.

A bullet sits in his head.

DON (CONT’D) Fuck.

Don looks at another soldier. He has a round in his leg but lays there, unconscious. His leg continues to bleed.

DON (CONT’D) Fuck...

Don takes out another tourniquet and ties the soldier's leg off, then picks him up.

DON (CONT’D) Hernandez, you got smokes?!

HERNANDEZ Yeah!

DON Pop one here, I'm gonna move this guy, get the other two!

HERNANDEZ Got it!

The smoke comes out as Hernandez picks up the other injured soldier.

Don and Hernandez run through the smoke screens and make their way to the front of the convoy.

Another A-10 strafes the mountains, its machine gun lights up the brush around it.

An attack helicopter lights up the insurgents at the bottom of the hill.

Rounds pass over Don's head.

DON (mumbling) I don't care if I don't make it home, but fuck am I getting all of you assholes out of here...

A Stryker appears in the distance as Don clears both smoke screens.

Canadian troops and US Marines pour out of the armored vehicle. A Marine Corpsman, LANCE CORPORAL SHELBY, (20) comes out with a stretcher.

SHELBY What's the situation, Sergeant?!

A round pings off the top of the MRAP that Don and Shelby take cover behind.

DON We got at least four critically wounded, and at least 14 seriously fucked!

Another round pings off the top of the MRAP.

DON (CONT’D) Get as many of the critical guys loaded up, how much armor do we got?!

SHELBY We got this and two other Strykers on standby!

DON Good!

Don nods at this.

Another A-10 strafes behind him.

Other soldiers run through the gunfire and carry other wounded troops. They use the vehicles for cover.

Don looks at Shelby.

DON (CONT’D) You got this?

Shelby nods.

Soldiers carry their comrades past.

The soldier with the sucking chest wound makes his way past him.

SHELBY (O.S.) Critical first!

Don moves through them.

Other soldiers cover their push. Don moves past them, Beretta in hand. Many of the wounded still fight and hold rifles in their hand.

Canadian soldiers pull many of these wounded away, the non injured soldiers providing cover fire for them.

Don makes his way back to Diaz, Conrad, and Hernandez.

DON We're gonna move again, come on!

The three follow behind Don and give him covering fire as he moves to the second to last vehicles.

Two dead soldiers lie on the ground with rounds in their heads.

DON (CONT’D) Fuck...

JAMES O'REILLY, (24) loads another mortar round into the tube.

JAMES Doc, you think you can help me?

Don puts up one finger. James nods at this.

DON Lemme check the last vic!

Two soldiers step out. One has a round in his leg, the other is blind.

DON (CONT’D) Cover me!

The group take positions and start to lay down fire for Don.

Don makes a run forward-

CONRAD (O.S.) RPG!

Only for an explosion to go off, knocking Don back. James flies back and hits his head against the hood of the Humvee.

Blood spatter goes on the front of the Humvee.

Don lays there as gore falls all over his uniform. The blood stains his uniform and his face. Don makes his way up, then examines himself.

Don screams as he looks at himself. Conrad runs over with a canteen.

CONRAD (CONT’D) Come on, clean yourself off.

He pours a canteen over his face. Don spits out a piece of human flesh. His hands shake as he vomits to his side.

CONRAD (CONT’D) Doc?

DON I'm-I'm okay, I'm okay... I gotta take care of him!

Don points to James. His body shakes. James crawls behind the Humvee and looks at himself.

JAMES Doc, everything looks fucked up man! You got a fucking tail, Paulsen!

James looks at himself and shakes in fear.

Don runs over to him and wraps a bandage around his bleeding head.

DON Keep that there!

CONRAD Doc, we'll take care of this. Hernandez, with me.

Don looks at the blood all over him.

He lets out one more scream.

FADE TO BLACK.

INT. STRYKER - DAY

Don sits in the Stryker, a thousand yard stare in his eyes.

DON (lighting a cigarette) We-We got everyone, right?

A gunner looks down at Don.

IND GUNNER Hey buddy, you know you can't smoke in here, right?

Don glances at him, the things he's seen reflective in his look.

The gunner looks away.

IND GUNNER (CONT’D) I didn't see shit, never mind.

The doors open to

EXT. MILITARY BASE - DAY

The sun shines into the vehicle as the ramp lowers.

Don looks around. The uninjured soldiers all show looks of shock and confusion in their eyes.

Don watches the scene around him as the wounded are taken away and the dead are covered with black blankets.

He's still covered in the gore of his comrades.

Conrad comes out of one of the three Strykers. He walks over to Don. Diaz stands there and looks through the photos on his camera.

A medic walks up to Diaz.

IND MEDIC 1 Mr. Diaz, come with us.

They bring out a stretcher. Diaz shakes his head. Diaz has a bandage around his neck. He looks at Don, nods at him, and grins. He gives Don a thumbs up.

DIAZ I'll walk, give it to someone who needs it.

Diaz stands up and holds his bandaged neck.

IND MEDIC 1 Alright, I'll walk you there then.

DON (O.S.) (thinking) You didn't do enough.

He looks at the 18 bodies in front of him.

Another batch of medics comes in to take the medic.

Medics take away a man in a stretcher. His leg is missing.

DON (O.S.) (CONT’D) (thinking) This is your fault.

He looks down at ROGERS, (21). Rogers shoots him a smile and a nod.

DON (CONT’D) (thinking) I'm this way because you weren't fast enough.

Don continues to walk through the scores of wounded.

CONRAD So far, we've got 18 dead and another 48 wounded.

Don looks down.

DON Who's in charge?

CONRAD I was in with a bunch of privates and specialists. Lemme go check the other.

James is taken away by stretcher. His arms are held down by restraints as two doctors wheel him off.

DON Hey! What the fuck?!

Don walks over to James. James reaches for Don's ass.

JAMES You got a tail, doc! You got a fucking tail!

The two medics take him away.

Parks comes out and smokes a cigarette.

PARKS There's only about 12 of us left in total.

Conrad comes back.

CONRAD Doc, you're the most senior out of all of us.

DON Oh, fuck...

Don looks both ways. The blood still sits on his face.

DON (CONT’D) Yeah, yeah- Get 'em together.

Don's cigarette goes out. He pulls out another Lucky Strike and lights it.

The other soldiers look on in terror at Don. Don motions the other soldiers to follow him.

Hernandez follows Conrad. The depression is visible in his eyes.

They gather away from the Strykers to a spot by a road.

Some stand at parade rest, some just stand and watch him.

Don looks them over. They all carry thousand yard stares. Their clothing is stained in blood and dirt. Some of them have burns on their clothing.

The fear in their eyes is palpable as they look at Don. There's blood and body parts all over his vest, bones are lodged into the cloth of his plate carrier. His face is covered in ash.

Don takes off his gloves.

DON (CONT’D) (takes the cigarette out of his mouth) At ease. Turn your weapons in to the armory, get yourselves cleaned up, and come back here to await further orders. It's been a bad day. Get back here in two hours, hooah?

GROUP (in near unison) Hooah, sarn't.

DON Get the fuck outta here.

The group heads off.

A rifle still slung around his shoulder, Don walks alone.

He passes by NICK FLETCHER, (34). He wears UK DPM camo and a pair of jeans.

NICK Mate?

Don looks at him. He says nothing and continues to walk forward. He checks behind him. No one seems to pay any mind to him.

Don walks into a stall and closes the door behind him.

INT. SHOWER STALL - DAY

The screams ring out in his mind. Don vomits into the drain.

His hands shake as he takes his handgun out. Don sobs in pain as he looks at his handgun.

The screams only grow stronger in his mind.

He gives a tired grin. Don puts his blood soaked Beretta to his skull. He brings the hammer down and puts his finger on the trigger.

He stands up and turns away from the door. The blood washes away as Don steps into the shower. He lets the water run down him for a moment, his finger still there.

The door comes down behind him as Nick and Parks tackle him down. Tears roll down Don's eyes as the water begins to clean the blood and dirt off around him.

DON LET ME FUCKING DIE GOD DAMN IT, I DESERVE IT! IT'S MY FAULT THEY'RE ALL FUCKED UP! I HURT THEM!

NICK Be reasonable here, mate!

DON (CONT’D) Fuck you, Nick you weren't there! You don't know what I did.

Nick just gives Don a look of genuine empathy.

NICK I was.

Parks takes throws the handgun and rifle out, then zip ties Don's hands.

DON (sobs) Just let me die, it's my fault that they're fucked up, I'm the reason they're all fucked up...

GO TO:

INT. POLICE ACADEMY - DAY

Don runs alongside a formation of other younger, police academy recruits.

DON (O.S.) I got out of the court martial. Everyone thought I was justified given the circumstances of the situation. Got a Distinguished Service Cross for what I did- Or didn't do.

Don stands at attention.

DON (O.S.) (CONT’D) I was an alcoholic when I got out.

An academy INSTRUCTOR looks down at a clipboard.

DON (O.S.) (CONT’D) Wife helped me get through that I guess.

INSTRUCTOR TRAINEE PAULSEN! FRONT AND CENTER!

DON (O.S.) Didn't really prepare me for the other shit, though.

DON (CONT’D) SIR YES SIR!

Don runs to the front of the formation and stands there, his face looks forward. He's the sharpest in the group.

INSTRUCTOR REPORT TO CAPTAIN MCDOWELL, NOW!

DON Sir yes sir!

CAPTAIN MCDOWELL, (mid-50s) and LIEUTENANT MORETTI, (mid-40s) are in the room with him.

MCDOWELL Have a seat, son.

DON Yes, sir.

MORETTI Ass kissing already? You're great for job, chump.

Don looks up at Moretti.

MORETTI (CONT’D) The fuck you lookin' at?

DON The guy that's about to get my fist across his fucking face.

�� MORETTI You want to go tough guy?

MCDOWELL Gentlemen!

The two stop.

Don takes a deep breath.

MCDOWELL (CONT’D) I'll get to brass tacks here, Paulsen. We got a gang war brewing in Hartford.

DETECTIVE RUSSO, (32) comes into the room.

MCDOWELL (CONT’D) We need a man of your expertise. Russo here is an ex-Green Beret.

Don looks at Russo. He's rugged and has a beard with his tanned skin.

DON Yeah, I can kinda tell.

RUSSO Your name English?

DON Yeah, why?

EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY

Don walks up to an Irish mobster.

The mobster stands there in front of a door and smokes a cigarette.

RUSSO (O.S.) You'll need to do a bit of extra work with them, they like theatrics. It's what impresses 'em.

Don walks up to him, says something, then punches him across the jaw.

He pulls out a grenade and walks inside to

INT. MANAGEMENT OFFICE - DAY

DON (O.S.) I worked with the SAS, I know a thing or two about that.

Don kicks the door in. SARAH, MICKEY, and JONATHAN (mid-20s) point guns at Don.

DON (O.S.) (CONT’D) Why me though?

The other mobsters pull guns on Don.

MCDOWELL (O.S.) We've been watching trainees and you seem to have a flair for the unconventional.

Don grips the grenade.

DON Go ahead. I drop this spoon and we all meet God in three seconds.

The boss watches Don.

He puts a cigarette out into the ashtray in front of him.

Don takes a seat in front of JOHN BRADLEY, (mid-40s).

He puts his grenade hand on the table in front of him.

Don shoots him a grin.

DON (CONT’D) How's your day going?

JOHN You walked in here to ask how my day's going? How many of my guys did you take out?

DON Three, pretty bad too. They're not dead, but they're gonna have some nasty hangovers.

John nods.

JOHN Well you don't look like any cop I've ever seen.

Don shakes his head.

DON My wife is one, but she's on the payroll. Yours, precisely.

JOHN And you want us to take her off it.

DON No, I want you to put me on it.

John looks around at his goons. He chuckles, puffs on his cigarette, and looks around.

JOHN You got balls, I'll give you that. I'll consider it.

Don looks at the open door behind him for a moment.

DON Well, while you ponder that.

Don takes out a business card with his free hand, then slides it across the table.

DON (CONT’D) Have a good day, gentlemen.

JOHN Did I tell you this conversation was over?

DON I'm the one holding the grenade.

JOHN Very well. I never caught your name.

DON Paulsen.

JOHN Not bad for an Englishman then.

Don stands up and still holds the grenade as he looks the other henchmen in the eye.

The grenade lands inside the room. The door closes behind Don.

JOHN (CONT’D) JESUS CHRIST!

The group scrambles to get out. The grenade lets smoke out.

EXT. STREET - DAY

DON (O.S.) I think I got that covered.

Don jumps into his Mustang, starts it, and drives off.

Smoke comes out of a second story window behind him.

EXT. HOUSE - DAY

Jackie leads a man, TRAVIS RODGERS, (28) into the house. She grabs his crotch and kisses him on the lips.

MCDOWELL (O.S.) You'll be answering to your wife. And she answers to me and Moretti directly. No one else knows about this.

Ash sees this and walks in the other direction. She looks down in sadness.

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

Two cars pull up beside each other.

Their occupants shoot it out.

DON (O.S.) What do you need me to do exactly?

MCDOWELL (O.S.) Take out the Italians.

Both sides take casualties.

DON (O.S.) How?

Don steps out of one of the vehicles.

Sarah gets out of the door behind him, 1911 in hand.

MCDOWELL (O.S.) We got a man embedded with the Italians. We need you to work with the Irish. See if you can create losses on both sides. Then uniformed officers should take care of the rest.

Don holds an AR. Sarah walks over to the other car.

DON (O.S.) You fucking serious?

MORETTI (O.S.) You got shit in your ears, smartass?

DON (O.S.) Don't you think me and others are gonna get caught in the crossfire?

Russo lays on the ground and holds his neck. He reaches out to Don.

His face changes to that of one of Don's four squadmates from the convoy.

Sarah walks over and puts a bullet in his head.

She looks at Don and shrugs.

DON (O.S.) (CONT’D) Sure, I'll do it.

GO TO:

INT. HOUSE - DAY

Don types an email to a [email protected].

The subject line reads, "Help me."

INT. ITALIAN DELI - NIGHT

A car sits crashed into a deli. Other mobsters follow Don inside.

A mobster steps out of his car. He reaches into the backseat of it and pulls a little girl from it. He wraps the girl's arm around his neck and carries her.

Don catches up to him and raises his rifle.

The two exchange looks.

Muzzle flash.

Don's eyes look at this in despair.

Behind him, the others give him glad looks.

Sarah walks up next to him.

She looks at what he did and looks down in sorrow next to him.

INT. HOUSE - NIGHT

Don bursts into the house.

DON JACKIE!

Jackie comes out of her bedroom. Ash watches behind her.

JACKIE Do you know what time it is? Stop yelling!

DON We need to talk. I want out. I want out so fucking bad.

A note on the table reads, "Notice of termination" 10/23/2020.

JACKIE You know it doesn't work that way, right?

DON I know about Ben and the other guy too, Jackie. After everything I've done for you and your fucking career! This is what you do for me?

JACKIE It's not like that! You're never here!

DON Oh, and whose fucking fault is that?!

JACKIE You're the one who took the job, Don! You knew what you were gonna have to do!

DON I was gonna have to kill a mobster and his kid?! Is that what it is?!

JACKIE You should stop being a fucking pussy, Don! For someone who spent a third of their life in the sandbox-

DON Shut your fucking mouth, Jackie!

Ash watches this from her bedroom.

JACKIE I WANT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE, DONOVAN!

DON Have it your way, you bitch!

Don looks at Ash. His face changes to that of genuine concern.

Jackie lets out a scream of anger. She slams her door.

DON (O.S.) (CONT’D) For two weeks I applied for jobs before I ended up at Sentinel Securities. Wasn't a good time for me or Ash. I just hope that everything I did was worth it.

___________________________________________________________

(So I’m completely new to this community and have no clue what I’m doing. Lemme know what you think. It’s all disjointed and it’s the first time I’ve posted here.)

#military fiction #screenwriting #military #action #scifi

3 notes · View notes

lol-jackles · 5 years

Note

I am not in Hollywood or in the entertainment world but what I have observed from a distance is that everything is all about the money and Anything goes. But the fact that Jared was able to draw the line with AKF and not allow CW to exploit it it's a testament that he has principles that he would not compromise not matter the monetary rewards. I say kuddos to him at least he has been able to maintain that part of himself while in Hollywood.

Of course everything is about money. 90% of the “creative differences” is just another word for salary or budget dispute.

Alrighty, in honor of AKF, here’s a blast from past. The year is 2016 and the YANA campaign is launched and this is what fans saw: no messages on what the campaign is about but here is a video of Misha is making Jensen soooooo uncomfortable and haha Misha is stalking Jensen in the bathroom because when it comes to mental illness stalking people and making them uncomfortable is totally helpful!

Fandom reaction: WTF? WTF? No, really, WTF? Burn it down!

But before I get more into that, let’s back up 11 months:

03/15/2015 - Jared’s unprecedented success with AKF. WB sees Ka-Ching! And Jared is no, no Ka-Ching, AKF is near and dear to mah heart.

05/15/2015 - Jared breaks down and goes dark for 3 weeks and somebody (understudy Misha? Stand? Creation Ent? CW? Singer?) starts planning to take over Jared’s AKF brand. Ka-Ching!

06/29/2015 - Creation Entertainment’s Gary and Adam registered the Creation Stands LLC

08/16/2015 - Jensen and Misha “wins” TCA for best chemistry (my lol sides!) and they tweet their boat ride (me: it’s like you’re not even trying to look ignorant).

10/16/2015 - Creation Ent advertises the upcoming Chicago con with Jensen and Misha and the AKF tagline in their main banner. Fandom’s outrage forced them to take down the Jensen/Misha banner and replaced it with a Jared/Jensen banner three days later. CE and WB should have been clued in with this.

01/06/2016 - Jensen wins the PCA (me: another brought award?) and Misha just happen to be available on set for Jensen to make a thank you video with (me: riiiiiiight, just a coincidence)

02/11/2016 - Jensen and Misha launch the YANA campaign with series of videos filmed on SPN set and lines written by SPN writers. CE and WB are anticipating pocketing at least half million dollars in net profit. Ka-Ching!

Show of hands of those who saw this trainwreck coming a hundred miles away. Misha’s Variey interview said in he wanted to take YANA into many different fandoms, meaning WB behind the idea to suck in more money from fans though mental health merchandise. I’ll wait here while you go take a shower. YANA was obviously a piss poor hollow copy of AKF without genuine sincerity, but that might have been forgiven if Creation Ent wasn’t so obvious about lining it’s own pocket with a majority of the net profit and giving a measly 10% to charity.

Meanwhile, where was Jared in all of this? Let’s have a look:

05/15/2015 - Jared returns to the United States and starts treatment. New medication? New therapist? Who knows but something has to change.

06/06/2015 - Jared participates in a Gilmore Girl reunion panel. TWLOHA mentioned the $250,000 check they got from Jared. WB is thinking all that Ka-Ching could have been theirs.

07/13/2015 - Fans surprised Jared at Comic con with tealight vigil.

07/19/2015 - AKF 3.0 is launched with a last minute tealight design added to the shirts, 40K units sold

08/16/2015 - Jared wins the TCA in acting category (me: eh, it’s probably genuine, he’s been nominated 7 times before and he got bunch of positive mainstream press)

10/16/2015 - the infamous faux pas by Creation Ent advertising the upcoming Chicago con. While the fandom is starting to realize something is very off and noticing Jensen’s OOC behavior, Jared already knew about YANA being in the works from Jensen.

11/04/2015 - AKF 4.0 + Minute Maid commercial featuring Jared and his family. His first national corporate sponsorship. 46 K including Black Friday special units sold

02/11/2016 - Jared announced he is returning to Gilmore Girls, the news quickly become the #1 Facebook trending topic, which led to tsunami of media attention. None of Rory’s other boyfriends got this much attention for returning to the show. Oh and btw Jensen and Misha launched YANA. Did Jared hold on to news of his return to GG until the day YANA is launched? Of course he did.

02/14/2016 - Jared debuts his McDonald all-day breakfast commerical, gets the highest views and likes on McD’s Facebook. Oh and Jensen and Misha posted a new YANA video in their Facebooks.

02/29/2016 - Jared post his third national corporate sponsor commerical from Chevy, featuring his childhood friend, gets the highest views and likes on Chevy’s YT channel. Oh and Jensen and Misha posted a new YANA video wrapping up the campaign barely making the 40K mark after promising a Hawaii vacation to sweeten the deal. WB and CE will have to settle for pocketing $200K (instead of the projected half million)

Jared’s personal brand is Always Keep Fighting so he fought WB from using it in the show and making $$ of it. Then he went further and timed the release his GG news and commercials on the same day as those stupid YANA videos. Jared did what the Ackles Army always feared he would do; completely overshadowed Jensen and Misha. YANA never got the fraction of the mainstream media attention and fandom acceptance that AKF got. Well played, Jared. Well played.

#anti yana

305 notes · View notes

xiubaek-13 · 4 years

Text

Do the Job

Prompt: Chen + “I don’t want to be lady-like. I want to lure men to their death.” + “I swear this isn’t what it looks like.”

Setting/AU: Con-Man

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,298

“I don’t get why you’re so worked up over this.” Chen stood across the room packing the tools he’d need into his bag and checking his suit for umpteenth time. “We’re given a job and we do it, simple.”

“Of course you don’t. You’re not always, and I mean always given the job of either playing a damsel in distress or a seductress. No you get to have a hand in planning your jobs. Don’t think I haven’t overheard you negotiating with Hyuk.” You pouted. You knew the gesture was childish and would get you nowhere with Chen but you were fed up with constantly putting on the figure hugging dresses that showed far too much cleavage and leg, leaving nothing to the imagination or the flowy, delicate dresses that hid everything and meant you had to act weak and in need of the help of a man. Both options brought out creeps and made you hate men a little more every time you did a job. Chen on the other hand got to partake in these elaborate schemes, long cons as they were known to those in the life, and you were envious.

“You think we don’t all start out like that?” He ran his hand through his hair, the only sign of his frustration that this conversation was happening. With a sigh he walked back across the room and stood in front of you. “Do you have any idea how many women I had to pretend to fall madly in love with or seduce with promises to rock their worlds - only to steal their shit as soon as we were in a room alone?” He shook his head as if to try and shake the memories out. “The first year or two is just those jobs sweetheart. You’ll get the easy marks while Hyuk sees you grow and learn to hold your own better. You need unwavering confidence and charisma to pull off the other stuff.” He smiled gently at you. “Well, that and a knack for getting out of tough spots when everything goes wrong.”

You huffed and moved to pack your own bag. Make no mistake, you were pissed that you had to fulfil the seductress role again but Chen was right about one thing - you got given a job and you did it. You’d seen what happened when people refused the job or didn’t complete it to Hyuk’s expectations… well actually you hadn’t, you just knew that you never saw those people again so you could only assume the worst. Being a con artist was lucrative work and you weren’t naive enough to think that Hyuk just let them go back out into the real world after knowing about his small band of criminals. Not that any of you would call yourselves criminals. After all, when you did a job properly the takings were practically a gift given to you by your mark. A better word would be savant or opportunist.

You were doing a two person con tonight and you always enjoyed working with Chen. He was incredibly good at what he did. Art theft, counterfeiting, bonds forgery, securities fraud and racketeering were just a few things in his impressive skill set. He went by the name Chen now but you knew it wasn’t his real name. When you first arrived at Hyuk’s compound Chen was serving time for bonds forgery in a con that went bad - the FBI had an inside man who recognised him and threw him under the bus. In true Chen fashion he didn’t complete his sentence. He escaped after a measly six months of his five year sentence had been served. You’d asked him how he escaped a max security prison when he’d arrived back to the compound only to be told “I walked out the front door sweetheart.”

You hadn’t believed him and hated the cocky bastard for a long time after that. It was the way he carried himself, always exuding confidence and that damn grin, cheeky and always promising a good time. His demeanor changed when he worked and the first time you’d seen him in action you gave his story of walking out the front door of the prison a little more stock. He’d donned a dapper suit and a pair of glasses and a completely different persona. Gone was the overconfident man you’d met and in his place was a handsome but softly spoken bookworm. He’d gone into the diamond exchange and asked a young woman for help in purchasing some diamonds so he could commission jewellery for his mother. You were in the diamond exchange too, trying to convince this guy that you’d give him the world if he got you more diamonds.

Your con was simple and served as a distraction for the staff, all except the young woman who was enamored by Chen. His new persona made sense when you heard her gushing over a book she’d read recently. You’d left the diamond exchange with $200k in diamonds but Chen had left empty handed but not remotely worried about it. A week later you’d woken up to a news story about the diamond exchange. A large blue diamond, the second rarest type in the world, had been stolen. At the time you thought it was a coincidence but what was sitting on Hyuk’s desk the next time you entered his office? A large blue diamond.

You’d learned quickly that coincidences in the con world did not exist and to never underestimate Chen because he always delivered.

***

In the car at hotel lobby the two of you continued your earlier discussion. “I don’t want to be lady-like. I want to lure men to their death.”

He laughed. “Then you might be in the wrong line of work. We’re con artists not assassins or mermaids.”

You shoved him lightly. “I just want something more than what I’ve been doing. It’s been over two years, surely I’ve advanced enough to be given something requiring a little more finesse by now?”

He turned to face you and cupped your face in his hands. “Sweetheart, you need to learn that even after you move past this seducing and damsel in distress work that you will continue to use your looks and prey on men’s weaknesses for pretty things. To be great at what you do you have to use everything you have to your advantage. I use my looks to disarm and charm my marks every time. It’s the oldest and simplest trick in the book. Your appearance, your charms and your body language are 85% of the con.”

You wanted to roll your eyes but deep down you knew he was right so you just sighed. He took that opportunity to end the discussion so that the two of you could get to work. He moved closer to you and murmured. “We can talk about it more later but we need to work now. Sarah is on her way over to the car and she looks pissed, she might even throw something at me - the least you could do is worry about me.” He smirked as you laughed lightly.

“You’re an ass. Brilliant, but an ass.”

He cooled his featured and stared at you with soft eyes. “Ready?” Your slight nod was the only indication you gave him but he saw it and moved. He pulled your face to his, closing the distance between the two of you as you kissed. He pushed you down on the back seat, moving to lie on top of you as the two of you deepened your kisses.

The door was flung open behind Chen and he turned, his face shocked and he instantly began pleading with his mark. “I swear this isn’t what it looks like.”

#exowritersnet #kwordsmiths #thekpopnetwork #kloversnet #kpopwonderlandtag #1000 followers #drabble game #exo drabble #exo fic #exo imagine #exo scenario #chen fic #chen scenario #chen imagine #chen drabble #jongdae scenario #jongdae fic #jongdae imagine #jongdae drabble

4 notes · View notes

tenspontaneite · 5 years

Note

How much of the plot did you plan out before you started writing PIAJ or Paper Cranes? For long running fanfictions like Paper Cranes, do you already have an ending in mind?

Interesting question! Thanks for the opportunity to babble about writing!

On endings:

Paper Cranes (Hikaru no Go), as I mention sometimes, massively outgrew my expectations since I went into it thinking it would be like 4 chapters long and maybe 50k at most, and now we're over 200k and like 23 chapters in, so. Please, laugh at past-me. I certainly do. So at any rate, the plot device that leads to the ending and the ending itself have been known to me since the beginning, though the circumstances and context have shifted a lot over time. I've got one of the most climactic scenes of probably the penultimate chapter already written, and have done since....probably winter 2017? Yikes.

Piaj (the Dragon Prince) is a different beast entirely. Since its events are fundamentally based on an ongoing canon, rather than a post-series thing like paper cranes is, I can't make an ending unless I decide to divorce myself from canon entirely, which I'd rather not do. I'm writing an extremely canon divergent AU maybe, and worldbuilding heavily, but I like to stay true to important canonical world and background details unless there's a very good reason for diverging.

On planning:

Paper Cranes was very much a by the seat of my pants thing at first. I had the basic idea and the ending, but it wasn't until chapter 8 that story arcs started spawning and the events gave me insight into how future things are going to go down. Planning for paper cranes at present is fairly loose, and includes a timeline spanning the planned chronology of the story, with certain days and/or months marked out for significant events. Day-to-day timeline is clarified as I reach that point in the story. I've been foreshadowing a bit in recent chapters, since I started getting my shit together re: planning out story arcs properly, but I could have foreshadowed certain things a lot longer ago if I'd had a better idea of where the story was going back then. That's life, I suppose.

Piaj was planned from the start to be a long and elaborate epic. Which, of course, means it's going to probably end up breaking 1mil someday, if it doesn't kill me first. Piaj is meticulously planned, but in a way that allows for more nebulous plot threads to grow and develop. For instance, I have significant events planned more or less down to the day for 60 days of the timeline, and those 60 days are split into 16 distinct sections, but it was only recently that a piece of worldbuilding I did started to clarify what direction I'm going to take Runaan's subplot in. I really had no idea what I was going to do with him before that. And a surprise worldbuilding bomb dropped on me by Opeli ended up tying in Amaya's subplot into some significant events later in the story, and considerably expanding Amaya's subplot in general (ha). I encourage that sort of thing in my writing because it always seems to lead somewhere that feels right for the narrative.

So I leave a lot of things up in the air, so that there's room to let plot threads develop organically and for characters to do things I don't expect. It seems to be working out, so far! When I first started writing piaj I had some main events in mind that I wanted to happen, and my Favourite Thing was actually one of the first scenes I wrote. The planning and complexity of the story has developed from there - and because I know so much about the bigger events I'm leading up to, I can foreshadow very very far in advance, which is pretty fun. Piaj is so different from paper cranes in so many ways, especially in terms of planning and story structure, so it really has been interesting to work with.

#hikaru no go #the dragon prince #tdp #paper cranes misc #piaj misc #asks #it was a lot of fun to highlight sections of potent piaj foreshadowing and send them to a buddy who was in on the spoilers #and just watch her agonised wheezing and curses ensue #foreshadowing is probably one of my favourite things #piaj asks

24 notes · View notes

monsterleadmehome · 5 years

Text

Monsterleadmehome 2018 Works Masterpost

Well, this is overdue, but I wrote ~200k words in 2018, so here’s a handy masterpost of my my fics!

Reylo Fics:

Midnight in the Resistance Base - Rated T. My first Reylo one-shot! This was a scene I just couldn’t get out of my head after seeing TLJ. Leia discovers the Force bond between Rey and Ben.

Dawn of the Rebellion - Rated T. taking place immediately after Midnight, this was my first multi-chapter. Basically my wishlist for IX.

Chariot - Rated E. My first attempt at the smutty one-shot! Title is from a song that had little to do with what actually happens in the fic, but I was drunk when I wrote it so it made sense at the time. Modern AU. Ben and Rey meet at Dr. Anakin Skywalker’s memorial.

Training Day - Rated E. Canonverse. One-shot. Ben and Rey are good at sparring, not so much at sex. But all that is about to change...

Code 288 - Rated E. One-shot. Detectives Ben Solo and Rey Johnson have been partners for the last five years. Now he's going to another precinct to take over as Captain. He asks her for help saying goodbye with a romp in the interrogation room.

Careless Whisper - Rated E. One-shot. 80′s AU. Rey doesn't know why she lets her college roommate Rose talk her into going out, but she does. She should be studying, but instead she is at the bitchin' new club everyone is talking about. Then a stranger in a Duran Duran shirt catches her eye and suddenly it's not a wasted evening.

Truth Be Told - Rated M. Multi-chapter. Unfinished (but hoping to start back on this one soon!) Alias AU. Rey is an agent with SD-6, a secret branch of the CIA. But a chance encounter with the mysterious agent Kylo Ren could send everything she knows crashing to the ground. Could she be working for the very enemy she thought she was fighting?

Spicy Dreams - Rated E. One-shot. Probably one of the dirtiest things I’ve written. It’s Breylo tentacle, ya’ll. What happens when Rey eats a burrito then takes a nap.

America’s Asshole - Rated E. One-shot. Ben Solo is a critically acclaimed (but widely despised) movie star. Dubbed "America's Asshole" by the press, he has recently finished a stint in an anger management facility after punching his last agent in the face.Rey Niima is a top talent agent and is outraged to find out she has been assigned to be Ben Solo's newest victim. When they start to work together the sparks will fly (in more ways than one).

let’s be human (while we still remember how) - Rated E. 2 chapters. Complete. Canonverse. Kylo Ren has defected to the Resistance and will only speak to Rey of Jakku, much to General Poe Dameron's chagrin. Can Rey get the information from him that she needs for to turn the tide of the war? And what is she supposed to do with all these feelings that Ben Solo has stirred in her soul?

caelum et infernum - Rated E. 10 chapters. Complete. A/B/O. Supernatural AU. Kylo Ren is a hunter. You name it, he hunts it: demons, vampires, ghosts, werewolves, etc. His alpha designation makes him exceptionally good at it. Scarce in today’s mostly beta society, alphas are treated as outcasts, making his life on the road lonely. That is until he meets Rey Johnson, a prophet who sees visions of the future. She also happens to be a rare omega. Once he saves her life, she must join him on the run as they are caught up in a battle between Heaven, Hell and their inexorable pull to each other.

Whiskey & Superstition - Rated E. 6 chapters. Complete. Reylogan AU. Rey Johnson is a junior agent in the FBI, trying to prove her mettle. So when Special Agent Sarah Grayson sends her on a secret mission to Boone County, West Virginia to scope out the Logan family, she readily accepts. Only the mission may not be all it seems, and Rey certainly didn't expect to fall hard for the bartender with a heart of gold, Clyde.

Walk This Way - Rated E. 3 chapters. Complete. Modern AU. Rey Johnson is the lone female on a crew of construction workers renovating a building in the NYC neighborhood of SoHo. She hates the way her teammates ogle and catcall women. One day, a handsome passerby catches her eye and she develops a staring problem. Her foreman, Poe Dameron, notices and decides to help her out. Ben Solo works for a publishing company in the heart of SoHo. He's made a comfortable, quiet life for himself. Then a pretty construction worker shows up on the stoop by his work and suddenly he's got a new morning routine. The last thing he expected is for her to actually be interested in him.

pools of sorrow, waves of joy - various ratings. 35 chapters. A collection of Reylo song prompts.

Aim True - Rated E. One-shot. Robin Hood AU. The masked bandit Kylo Ren has been robbing from the rich and giving to the poor, much to Sheriff Hux's chagrin. There is a sizable reward out for his capture. However, when another masked thief crosses his path, he is presented with an interesting choice.

Reylo Monster Week (One-shots)

Catacombs - Rated E. Vampires.

Howl - Rated E. Werewolves.

Don’t Fear the Reaper - Rated M. Demons & Angels.

Out of the Ashes - Rated E. Mythological Beings.

The Great Lake - Rated E. Sea Creatures.

Torchlight - Rated M. Naga.

Boys & Ghouls - Rated E. Free Choice (Bigfoot)

Tryptophan and Seratonin - Rated E. 2 chapters. Complete. Ben Solo hates Thanksgiving at his family's house. However, this year, his mother has invited a special guest - Rey Abrams, the girl he's been crushing on at work. When Ben consumes too much turkey, he falls asleep on the couch and has a rather vivid dream about Rey. Will he be able to hold his composure and finally ask her out?

Category 4 - Rated E. 3 chapters. Complete. Ben Solo goes home for his parents' anniversary party. Little does he know they invited the girl he had a major crush on two summers ago. Or that they're about to be stranded together in the midst of a hurricane.

Mind if I Move in Closer? - Rated E. One-shot. It's Christmas Eve and Rey has left her shopping till the last minute. Fortunately, she runs into a fellow last minute shopper and they decide to get a bite to eat at one of the only places still open...

The Echoes They Left Behind - This originally published in the Reylo Charity Anthology so I’m counting it for 2018. Rated E. 7 chapters. WIP. In present day Takodana, upstate New York, Rey Johnson is the caretaker of the abandoned Takodana Sanatorium, a facility that used to be an asylum for the criminally insane as well as a tuberculosis ward during the epidemic. Ben Solo has been sent by First Order publications to do an article on the old asylum before it is torn down. In that same sanatorium, in the 1940s, Kira Kenobi is an idealistic nurse whose world is upended by the arrival of the dark, mysterious patient Kylo Ren. As the past and the present collide, can Rey find out the secrets the spirits of the asylum want her to know before the wrecking ball destroys it all?

The Stairwell - Rated M. One-shot. Ben Solo has worked with Rey Johnson for the past two years. And he's been in love with her the whole time. He just needs to work up the courage to tell her... unless she beats him to it.

All At Once - Rated E. One-shot. Canonverse. The First Order has taken over the planet Neftali in the Soccoro system. Every year, the town of Cordel Cove hosts a winter carnival that culminates in a masquerade ball. The presence of one Supreme Leader has been requested. The Resistance has come to Neftali to strike a deal with a shady organization, using the carnival as a distraction. They send Rey to the masquerade to keep an eye on things. After one too many drinks, the masked man all in black catches her eye and asks for a dance. But what will happen when the masks come off?

Dramione Fics:

Marked - Rated E. One-shot. A/B/O. Hermione Granger's heat wasn't supposed to start for another two weeks. But that was before the intoxicating scent of an unknown alpha triggered it as they passed in the atrium. Can she make it through the rest of the day before starting her leave? And who is the mysterious alpha who smells like her perfect mate?

A Fantastic Assignment. Rated E. Projected 4 chapters. WIP. Fresh off a win from the passing of Dobby's Law, Hermione Granger is given a new assignment for her job in the Department for the Regulation and Care of Magical Creatures: track down a missing selkie that has been kidnapped from the care of Rolf Scamander. When reports of the selkie being taken to New York City show up, the ministry assigns an Auror to accompany her to the US: Draco Malfoy. Can the two of them work together in order to capture the thief and bring the selkie safely back to Britain?

Stay tuned--I’ve got more Reylo and Dramione planned for 2019!

#monsterleadmehome #my fanfic #long post

113 notes · View notes

nflfanpointii · 5 years

Photo

40 is the new 35 when it comes to NFL quarterbacks like Tom Brady and Drew Brees

Back in the day, it was less common for quarterbacks to excel past their mid 30’s. Sure, there was Warren Moon, Vinny Testaverde, Brett Favre, Kurt Warner, and John Elway. But that short list is dwarfed by a painfully longer one filled with Hall of Fame quarterbacks who seemed to crap out well short the 40 year marker.

Even these all time greats experienced precipitous drop offs in their mid to late 30’s. For Roger Staubach, Steve Young and Fran Tarkenton, it came at 37. For Bart Starr, Jim Kelly, Dan Marino and Dan Fouts, 36. For Johnny Unitas, George Blanda, Bob Griese, Joe Montana and Terry Bradshaw, 35. For Otto Graham, Joe Namath, and Troy Aikman, 34.

This makes it all the more amazing that so many older quarterbacks are still playing at an elite level in today’s NFL. There might very well be five to seven future Hall of Famers starting in the league right now. Tom Brady and Drew Brees are officially in their 40’s. Philip Rivers and Ben Roethlisberger are both 36. Aaron Rodgers is 34 and Matt Ryan is 33; and both signed extensions in the past couple years at times in their careers when former quarterbacks usually retired.

It’s true, quarterbacks are more protected by the rules of the NFL than ever before, and this certainly has played a part in their new found longevity. In 1978, the league restricted contact between defensive backs and receivers to within five yards of the line of scrimmage. This resulted in a dramatic increase in passing attempts per game, which in turn suddenly made the quarterback position more valuable.

Since 1993, quarterbacks could simply escape the pocket and throw a pass out of bounds without incurring an intentional grounding penalty. This made it harder for pass rushers to get to them before they got rid of the ball, therefore avoiding a sack or quarterback hit.

Roughing the passer penalties have become more and more common as the definition has broadened to include late hits, forcible hits below the knee, hitting the helmet, and landing on the quarterback with one’s own body weight.

Last year, former Packers linebacker Clay Matthews was flagged twice for roughing the passer while making what seemed to be perfectly executed sacks. Ironically, it was probably a hit on Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers the previous season that may have led to the rule change that cost the Packers two victories a season later.

One would think that with these modern day quarterbacks dropping back more times throughout a game than ever before, their careers would be shorter, not longer. That’s why I think there’s more to it than the implementation of more rules that inherently protect the quarterback.

Because they played before GMO’s and modern day fast food chains, many old school players of the past had access to better food. But that doesn’t mean they took full advantage of their timely access to healthier lives. Joe Namath smoked cigarettes on the sidelines for god’s sake.

I doubt they were paying attention to the pH of their foods like Tom Brady or paying upwards of $200K a year like James Harrison did on therapy treatments like massage and acupuncture. The modern day athlete has to be almost obsessive in their quest for success. Talent alone won’t cut it anymore if you want to stick around in today’s NFL.

Extremely strict diets, fitness, and recovery programs have taken the place of binge eating like Babe Ruth, snorting cocaine like Diego Maradona, and binge drinking like Lawrence Taylor. The two oldest current quarterbacks in the NFL also happen to keep two of the strictest diet and fitness regimens across all sports.

Drew Brees has been working with Todd Durkin in San Diego, CA since his days with the Chargers. Brees loves working with Durkin every offseason. “Whenever I come back for the summertime to get in the best shape of my life for training camp, he’s always got something new or a few new things that make me feel like we’re way ahead of everybody else.”

What’s interesting to me, however, is that even though Brees isn’t Durkin’s biggest, fastest, or most agile athlete, he may have benefited the most simply because he’s willing to work harder than everyone else. And that’s saying a lot considering Durkin’s vast client list also includes Carson Palmer, Aaron Rodgers, Darren Sproles, LaDainian Tomlinson, Mark Sanchez, Alex Smith, Brandon Cooks, Reggie Bush, Charles Tillman, Zach Ertz, John Brown, Dontrelle Inman, Malcom Floyd, Ryan Griffin, Chase Daniel, Sean Canfield, Josh Freeman, and my fellow Saints Ignatius College Prep alumnus, Igor Olshansky.

”Drew Brees, first and foremost, is a special person. I will probably not have the opportunity to work with a guy like that in the next 20 years. His concentration and focus are amazing, and he works extremely hard. He’s not the biggest guy or the fastest guy, but he’s going to beat you with his athleticism, his smarts and because he’s such a competitor. I don’t care what it is, the dude wants to win at anything. He’s always restless and never satisfied,” said Durkin.

Brees is absolutely methodical in his training and game preparation. “I know where I’m going to be at a specific time,” he says. “I know what I’m going to be doing; I know what needs to be accomplished for me to feel confident and go out there and play at the highest level.”

His focus has shifted from the archaic meathead approach to training he learned in college at Purdue to a more functional and efficient approach. “I think maybe those [exercises] served the purpose at the time.” Drew says. “But now I’ve wised up to the things that I need to do in a position-specific and functional fitness kind of way to benefit me as a quarterback.”

If you have 30 minutes to kill, watch this video of Brees’ workouts with Durkin.

I’ve been a fitness trainer and instructor for 12 years and I’m telling you, Durkin is the real deal. I love his approach to fitness. I stopped lifting heavy weights years ago and have focused more on agility ladder work, TRX training, yoga, and generally maximizing my strength and endurance gains while also minimizing sheering forces on my joints, tendons, and ligaments.

Tom Brady takes his fitness protocol in an even more holistic, and dare I say, Eastern direction. He and his trainer/business partner Alex Guerrero founded the TB12 training facility next to Gillette Stadium in 2013. Guerrero, though highly controversial, isn’t a total quack in my opinion.

Of course claiming his supplements could curemultiple sclerosis, AIDS, concussions, and other diseases with no shred of testing or evidence based proof was incredibly disingenuous and downright dangerous. Settling with multiple investors out of court for defrauding them is no better either.

But I have to hand it to him: he has kept Tom Brady in phenomenal shape to survive and thrive in the NFL past the age of 40. Guerrero earned a Masters Degree in traditional Chinese medicine from a school in LA that closed after losing its’ accreditation. He is not a physical therapist and does not hold any Western degrees that would qualify him to do a lot of the work he does with his clients.

Yet, Guerrero is highly respected and retained by many professional athletes including Rob Gronkowski, Julian Edelman, Wes Welker, Danny Amendola, Willie McGinest, Jimmy Garoppolo, LaDainian Tomlinson, and Chris Hogan. Instead of focusing on lifting huge weights and tearing muscle fibers, Guerrero prescribes more body weight moves and exercises with resistance bands that are designed to increase the muscles’ “pliability.”

Brady often sees Guerrero twice daily and receives intensely specific massages in which he tenses the muscles while Guerrero massages them. The goal is to lengthen the muscles and increase their flexibility so that Brady can withstand the weekly car crash that is an NFL football game.

The other main focus is to reduce inflammation in the body by maintaining a strict diet. Brady does not eat white flour, white sugar, MSG, iodized salt, coffee, caffeine, alcohol, fungus, dairy, nightshade vegetables and most types of fruit. This diet may sound strange, but it’s most likely derived from the Ayurvedic tradition which is over 5,000 years old and trusted throughout Asia as much as we trust Western medicine.

The part where Brady and Guerrero lose me is by making sweeping statements like everyone should drink 25 glasses of water a day, or eat this exact diet, or that everyone needs to consume TB12 branded electrolytes or wear TB12 branded muscle recovery pajamas.

I’m not 6’4” and 230lbs; I’m 5’6” and 130lbs, so I don’t need more than 65 ounces of water a day, unless Tom wants me to get hyponatremia and die of brain damage. Don’t just replicate a professional athlete’s diet and fitness regimen. These have been specially tailored to them. If you work for Google and sit at a desk for eight hours a day, you probably shouldn’t eat and drink exactly what Tom Brady does.

It’s okay to be skeptical too. Brees isn’t much more trust-worthy with his shameful peddling of Advocare products. It’s important to rely on evidence-based research conducted by independent bodies without a financial stake in the products they test. Even more important, think for yourself and do your own research before listening to athletes that have a financial stake in the health philosophies they are sharing with the public.

If you aren’t hip to eating according to your Ayurvedic dosha (My dosha is roughly 70% Pitta, 20% Vata, 10% Kapha) like Brady seems to, you can go the Western route and still learn something about how to function at a higher level, no matter what your lifestyle is. Drew and Brittney Brees got food sensitivity blood tests done back in 2004. That’s when Brees found he had significant sensitivities to gluten, dairy, and certain nuts.

“As you can imagine, I was shocked because I was consuming most of these things every day. And just to think how long I’ve had these sensitivities and had continued to feed them. Guys coming in fresh out of college are used to going to the training table and eating and drinking whatever they’re given.”

“In many cases, I see myself as a veteran player – pulling those young guys aside and, as part of teaching young players how to be a pro, talking to them about their diet, their sleep habits and their recovery. They’ll start to ask questions like, ‘Hey Drew, what do you do?’ That’s when I explain to them that I use coconut milk and almond milk products.”

It’s not just Brees’ direct teammates like Reggie Bush, Sean Canfield, Chase Daniel, Brandin Cooks, and Ryan Griffin who have followed his lead when it comes to diet and fitness. “It took the fourth or fifth time hearing, ‘You need to do this,’ and then reading about Drew Brees and Tom Brady and others who are your peers doing it,” Kirk Cousins said. “I realized, ‘If I want to hang with these guys, then it’s time to stop playing around.’”

18 of the 32 quarterbacks starting in the NFL are over 30 years old, and by September that list will grow to 21 with the 30th birthdays of Cam Newton, Tyrod Taylor, and Andrew Luck. Even though five quarterbacks were drafted in the first round last year, there’s a good chance less than a third of the starting quarterbacks in the league will be younger than 30 years old.

40 might be the new 35, and it’s not just because of some changes in the rules. Players are spending highly on optimizing their health and performance through a multitude of practices both new and incredibly old. Cousins is right, it’s time to stop playing around.

#saints #new orleans saints #nfl #nola no call #mission miami #csc.com

2 notes · View notes