#but without giving proper context on who was actually at fault.
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macaiv · 1 year ago
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Esteban on what it means on being a teammate.
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arttsuka · 1 year ago
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have Jedidiah and Octavius watch brokeback mountain on Larry’s phone
Sorry anon, but my headcanon is that Jedediah watches it alone for some reason (maybe Octavius was busy that night with something else) and he starts questioning his whole existence.
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Internalized homophobia am I right? (Also Jed is definitely the kind of person who thinks like 'this isn't all that bad except from when I'm doing it, then it's the worst thing ever). Anyway, I think it's way more difficult to actually think about your feelings than just have them. It can be scary too, putting a proper name on a situation.
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Then he just kinda dissappears for a few weeks, no one knows where he is. He doesn't say anything to anyone but even when he gets back he kinda avoids everyone.
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He vents to Larry without giving him any context.
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Octavius just blames Larry. It was something on the phone that made Jedediah upset, so naturally it must be Larry's fault.
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They make up in the end but I don't know if they talk about what actually happened. Maybe Octavius watches brokeback mountain too and he understands idk
A little sequel to this here
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lemonfizzyy · 2 months ago
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I dug up even more old tumblr formatted interactions from my WIPs and these are from the only DPxDC fic I have. It's officially called the Butler Apprentice AU, since it features a Danny whose been employed and trained by Alfred as an fellow butler. (It's loosely inspired by those who serve. by aryelee)
Some context: The main plot revolves around Danny and Dick. In this world, Danny is 5-8 years older than Dick, and joins the family shortly after Jason's death, becoming an older brother to Dick. It's all really one big excuse to write Dick having an older brother, and how I'd think he'd act. (Roy and Wally count, but also kind of don't. They big brother each other, yknow? If he had a proper big brother, I think - like Jason - he'd act 70% more kid-brother-ish.) I admittedly don't know Danny that well aside from too much fanfiction, half-remembered episodes of the show I watched as a kid, and fandom wiki research though. So characterization might be dog crap and this definitely does focus on Dick more.
ANYWAY. Without further yapping, here you are, under the cut:
() = Inner thoughts. **= actions/states of being.
The Titans: Oh, hey 'Wing. Who's that guy you've got with you?
Dick: He's my... (I can't call him my friend, that's a bit too impersonal. But anything closer might be crossing a boundary.).... He's my.... uhhh...
Danny: um- Older brother! (Is that fine? I mean we are close and I think of him as a younger brother but maybe I'm overstepping. The kid just lost a brother after all.)
Dick: *Looking at Danny like he just hung the stars in the sky and named them in honor of Dick.* 🥺 Yeah... He's my big brother.
Danny: (Oh, wow. Dick really liked that, maybe he actually thinks me of a older brother! I've always wanted a younger sibling.) 🥺 Yeah, he's my little brother.
The Titans: Why are they staring at each other like that? *Snaps fingers in front of their faces.* Hello...? Guys??
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Danny: I'm here if you need to talk. Whenever. (I doubt he's going to, he barely knows me, but I'll offer anyways so he knows he has support.)
Dick: Oh, wow. Thanks, I will. (I will not. It's all my fault for letting Jason die, I don't deserve selfless love and attention where I don't give something in return.)
Exactly 2 minutes later.
Dick, sobbing his eyes out: -and I was so MEAN and HEARTLESS. Am I meant to only hurt?? Why is my love never enough to keep anyone close? To save them?? It wasn't enough to save my parents or Jason! Did I not do enough?
Danny, patting Dick on the back: (Oh, @$%&.) Kiddo, breathe.
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Dick: *Sobbing his eyes out.*
Danny: Oh- um... Want a hug?
Dick: *Used to being around people who never offer hugs.*....Really?
Danny: Uh, yeah. It's not a big deal. C'mere.
A week later.
Dick: *Stares at Danny intensely.*
Danny: Uhh... What's up? Something wrong?
Dick: Nothing's wrong... it's just- Could I... uh- get a hug?
Danny: Oh, yeah, sure. You don't need to ask every time, I'm fine with it.
A month later.
Danny, talking to the grocer about optimal apple growth: -Yeah and I was really hoping to get them for my employer's dining tables as decoration but- Oh wait, one sec my brother's here.
Dick: *Darts from around the corner and tackles Danny in a hug.* Hi, I followed you. :)
Danny, the wind knocked out of him: You... followed me all the way from the Manor to the grocery store, why exactly?
Dick: Wally canceled on our plans and I am bored. Entertain me, Danny.
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Dick: I used to hang onto Bruce all the time, yeah. Then I got too big and we stopped.
Danny: Hm... I could probably do that. You look light enough.
Dick: Haha. Funny joke.
Danny: I'm not joking though?
Dick: What?
Ten minutes later.
Dick, clinging onto Danny's back: WOOOO!!!
Danny, sprinting full speed down the West Wing: YEAHH!!
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coverednvisible · 2 months ago
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Dear brother who thinks my covered existence is a threat to your iman,
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته.
I want to say الحمدالله Al-hamdu lillāh from the bottom of my heart in order to start my very first post with gratitude. I'm truly blessed to never tire of niqāb. Covering with khimār, complying with what my Creator has commanded, it was and is simply the best decision of my life and I try to acknowledge my lived fortune any chance I get. May Allah bless the sisters and the brothers who uphold modesty, and to those of who aspire to the same, for the Most Merciful doesn't only reward the action, but intention as well. In shā' Allāh, He makes it possible for all of us to always carry ourselves with hijāb.
However, I can't pretend that of a specific situation, I am not only tired, but exhausted.
It pains me to see modesty being weaponized as a leash on covered and veiled sisters. It frustrates me to see sisters visibly aligning themselves with the will of Allah be scrutinized for the mere sin of existing in a permissible manner within near.
For I refuse to bear witness to this echo chamber anymore, I have decided to speak out.
So, hear me, dear brothers (and the sisters) who take it upon themselves to police chaste women based on nothing but on their modest presence; repeating "33:33" under the comments of every visibly striving sister's post, video, or photo is NOT the gentle nasīhah you think you may be giving.
In fact, it is the misuse of the Most Merciful's words, burdening those who are already working to align themselves with the One.
Let us normalize not throwing āyāt without context. let’s look at what Surah Al-Ahzab, verse 33 is actually talking about, since it’s high time we utilize some tafakkur (understanding).
“And stay in your homes…”
this was revealed to the Mothers of the Believers—the wives of the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ). they had a unique status. their rewards and responsibilities were unlike any other women. striving for their level of modesty is noble, but the command given to them was NOT meant as a blanket order for all Muslim women to disappear from society.
what is required from all of us regardless of gender is the hijab and haya and obedience to Allāh in what He has commanded clearly for the general ummah.
so the bottom line is:
policing already chaste women, who are not doing anything wrong by what is apparent, is no small issue. those who claim that simply posting online as a woman by itself is haram—your cause is not just, and you're more often than not fighting the wrong fight.
dear brothers, refrain from being a deaf 33:33 warrior. strive to be encouraging in your da’wah. Allāh gave us eyes, but He also gave us aql (intellect) so we can choose to turn to Him, and lower our gaze, especially when a sister is pulling her weight. because she is doing her part, so why won't you?
and tell me, please:
what exactly has a sister in proper niqab done wrong, just by showing she exists? that she is a human being, a living, breathing creation of Allāh—like you and I are?
how is she improper? how is her mere presence indecent and creating fitnah for anyone, and how is it her fault? a valid daleel is yet to be provided.
are we to vanish because someone else commits the zina of the eyes or mind, while we are already covering and acting as we should?
If your heart still falls into zina of the eyes, despite a sister complying with her Lord—then is she the problem? or is it your gaze that’s too far gone?
this isn’t about rebellion or trying to justify what Allah made haram. this is about truth. and standing for it is an act of worship—just like wearing niqab, because i refuse to watch sisters who—mashaAllah—seemingly do everything right (while knowing none of us is sinless), still get picked apart and put down for no real reason.
that whisper that says, “you’ll never be enough”— often comes from shaytan.
so i urge you, dear brother, to try your best. for your sake. for the sake of us and others. and most importantly, for the sake of Allāh.
please, ask yourself:
can your conscience handle making the path to Allāh harder for someone who's genuinely trying? to the point where you trigger her overthinking, her guilt, her questioning if she’ll ever be enough—when maybe, just maybe, Allāh is already pleased with her?
because He never asks us for perfection.
his Mercy is not earned—because we never truly can.
don’t make others despair. and don’t be the reason a heart feels distant from the deen.
are your words truly helpful? are they rooted in softness and sincerity? or are they extra-scriptural, performative, and whispered by the one who wants company in jahannam?
you don't know her standing with Allāh. and you don’t want to be the one He questions:
“Why were you harsh to My servant, when she was trying to please Me, and doing no visible wrong?”
Allah knows best.
And may all of us be sincere—in our words, and in our actions.
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noxspost · 4 months ago
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My oc from the dragon prince.
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her name is cobre which means copper in Spanish, she is a healer and Lorekeeper which is combination of the roles of archivists, teachers and historians. She is irsh/ Mexican, which is the reason She cares only for the people and not the government.
She is a older woman who rules her home with A strong hand that often can come off as embrace, abrasive and rude. To everyone outside her family and without proper context. But she's a kind woman and she runs her house with her heart.
She does not care for Lyrennus and she hate how with their dwindling numbers, everyone is kicking each other out and isolating each other. She comes from a different group of moonshadow elves who run it a bit differently their duty is to their community to make it better than it was in previous generations. Even if it does take hard work sacrifice and tears and blood. Because the moon has phases, it changes, but it is still the same. Life-and-death are in a constant change. So why should they expect perfection that doesn't happen.
Due to her husband's simple error and hesitation in poor planning.Adumed him her shawl is the only thing remaining of him as he had been kicked out and ghosted for merely being mortal and making Mistakes and wrong doing so I didn't want to chance to redeem himself.
That is what angers her the most.
She had Blazing yellow eyes and Silvery hair that is turning sweat Gray with age. She often is protecting and defending her family but she will kick out people who are terrible and toxic.
she will still give those people a chance to change to take that first step and if they don't sincerely try she will kick them out for the sake of protecting her people, her family, her loved ones who will most likely be harmed and hurt by those toxic people like cutting weeds or rot out of your plants.
She did fact throw a shoe at Runaan for being stupid. he's very furious that such a young elf such as rayla was putting such a dangerous high stake situation for her first mission.
Her ear gages have an enchantment, which allows her to see the dead since moonshadow elves have connections to the dead on the other side of the veil due to life death thing. So I am picturing it similarly in the book cemetery boys.
She?Is very stubborn, though.And often that gets her hurt a lot of the time , but she makes really good food and she's one of the few elves in the village that actually eats meat, She's very respectful about it If she does kill an animal for like the fur she will sell the meat to dagons elves or humans, so she doesn't waste to the meat and be very disrespectful to the cycle.
She is very much bound to the idea that people can change though that takes hard work and energy to look at yourself completely and realize you were at fault and something needs to change to let that go and undergo that terrifying anxious change.
She does not fear death, though she fears the process of getting to death and also what happens after it's anxiety because it's something new.
Just how the moon changes phases, people change and if they truly seek to better themselves. She welcomes them with openly and just how the moon welcomes travelers to safety and how night brings end to the hard workday.
She is a healer, a moon shadow Druid, so her work knows no boundaries. No limitations and the dragons are really salty about it, but they can't do shit or else they're gonna get backlash. But they don't want to deal with. A lot of the people in Silver Grove don't like her and she understands.
She's often temperamental, angry stubborn harsh a brut all and very dismissive. She often bites at people she doesn't intend to bite. in their eyes maddening, so they all basically leave her alone except for the outcast who welcome her and she welcomes them back, but she's getting better. She's following her own oath, but it takes a bit thanks to her being a war veteran, so that is not an excuse you then tells herself. When days are rough.
*This has been me rambling but if you want to know more let me know
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Propaganda why Alex Eagleston is insufferable:
literally causes the end of the world by being The Absolute Worst and has done so multiple times including his alternate selves. he technically has three (and a half) love interests (cause theyre the only characters he can/attempt to kiss or express any attraction to) and he treats them all poorly first three vella sammy and essentia 2000 are cause hes a misogynist but they all get different flavors of it sammy gets fridged for the plot of the game and is basically never relevant again outside of a secret(?) ending. shes also based off of a real life dead person for no fucking reason. vella is subjected to weird speculation about her age in her introduction scene with alex saying something along the lines of she cant be older than him cause shes too pretty (alex is like 24 and vella 27 from what i recall its been a few years since ive thought about yiik) and has a weird internal monologue about his feminist ex girlfriend prompted by vella just existing. theres a weird scene when alex asks her if shes korean n says she looks vaguely ethnic making her uncomfortable. One Of His Alternate Selves Literally Caused Her To Leave Her Home Dimension Cause Of How Poorly He Treated Her and the context behind that is that to leave the world/timeline/dimension/whatever you're originally from you basically have to be super suicidal and he pushed her to that point by ghosting her for a while and next time vella saw him he was hooking up with a girl noticably younger than her (<- remember this) and immediately after being told this he can attempt to kiss her which has no actual repercussions. essentia 2000 is like technically supposed to be evil i guess but her goal is supposed to be killing alex so i cant fault her on that. the in game day after they first meet alex has like a monologue about how special and attractive she is ""she was like water filling all my cracks"" or some shit. all three girls are alternates of eachother and are on a sliding scale of how objectified they are by alex with who got it the worst depending on which aspect you're focusing on. other sort of love interest is rory (diversity loss!) who alex can attempt to kiss after he confides in him about something when rory is like 18-19 (hes meant to be about the same age as michael whos recently graduated high school) and depending on how alex treats him can literally kill himself and alex's reaction to learning this is to only focus on how terrible he feels before moving on n rory's death never being mentioned again. the whole point of the game is that alex is a piece of shit who cant even buy groceries for his mom without throwing a hissy fit about it but it undermines itself constantly by having characters forgive or just stop being mad at alex on a dime after hes been exceedingly shitty towards them in various ways and any sort of charm or endearing traits he had quickly wearing off due to him never shutting the fuck up. near the end of the game all the other party members are killed off in quick succession leaving alex by himself and all he can do is sulk in self pity before going on a space adventure or whatever to stop an alternate him thats linked to an alternate essentia and enlisting the player as a different alternate him to help fight various superficial flaws of himself (which arent even like the actual things that make him insufferable n a bad person) n then finish the job for him. i need to punt him into the sun
He constantly goes on annoying monologues about things that nobody cares about. In game he is meant to be kind of an asshole, but they never give him the necessary character development to make him feel like a proper flawed protagonist, yet the narrative makes him out to be a character who is ""deep down a good guy"". Also he doesn't seem to care about any of his friends/party members.
"""YIIK"" is a poorly written, irony-poisoned RPG using a real life actual unsolved murder as the basis for an inciting event, altered so that what happened to the victim was some ~scary supernatural stuff~ and also Alex was there being vaguely misogynistic the whole time and monologuing to no-one in a way no real human person thinks uncritically.
The game intends to paint Alex as a bad person, but this is implemented in such a snide and uninteresting manner which has nothing to actually say about him being this way, nor is it at all fun or entertaining to experience.
He has no idea what's going on, blindly following the plot with the vague motivation of being suddenly stricken with affection for a girl he basically called a freak as soon as he met her five minutes ago. He is self-absorbed, lazy and overconfident, constantly bemoaning and ignoring the needs and feelings of others. He is the only character given enough breathing space to have something to him, and yet manages to not even feel any sort of dimensional.
Also his shirt is an ad for the dev's last game.
An incel who always screams about everything and yet is overly pretentious about everything.
Propaganda why Scott Pilgrim is insufferable:
He is not a good person. He doesn’t take other people’s feelings into consideration. He mooches off his one real friend. He’s dating a teenager as a grown ass man. Every girlfriend he’s ever had hates him for good reasons
Stupid idiot
dated a 17 yr old
kind of a cop-out answer since he's like deliberately made to be an annoying person but
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mystxmomo · 30 days ago
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for the oc asks, 10 for Sabdra?
10. Their most defining moment vs your favorite one of them
Okay so. Fault of mine as being someone posting about my characters as I'm developing what I'm writing, I don't actually have a lot posted publically to point to and right off the bat go. "Yeah thats my favorite moment and thats my defining moment." for her. So instead, we're going to get a bit esoteric. Like I'm still going to give proper answers but The People don't have full context out for that.
Most Defining Moment thing about her
She doesn't directly lie.
She's willing to lie by omission, and she certainly takes advantage of (what I would generously call) fae level truths, but something I have a lot of fun doing with her is that she always tells some variation of the truth. She doesn't have to hide her machinations. She KNOWS she's going to get what she wants, and it's just a matter of laying it out the right way to do so.
I personally think it kind of makes all of her manipulations a lot more terrifying. She's genuinely just riding off of the coat tails of the privilege and knowledge that she has access to due to her position. If she's giving a lie, it's because it's one built on a belief she sincerely as a person has rather than an intentional attempt to manipulate.
Also, semi-related. I genuinely consider her to be a very intelligent character, even if she comes off a bit air-headed at times. In the "Willing to lie by omission" way, she always knows a little more than she's letting on. But you know. It's not lying if you've just never mentioned that you know it.
Favorite Moment thing about her
I like that she's a character inherently built on a lot of contradictions, and that's what makes her as much of a threat as she is.
Like. She comes off as a bit air headed, but she probably knows the most about whats going on in the room. She dresses with a lot of ornamentation, and has the most defining style? She's also the ranger thats the most willing to get her hands dirty in a fight. She says she exists outside of the systems of drow society? Not entirely wrong. She is the systems of drow society. Nothing is ever quite as it seems with her, and thats a lot of fun to play into and dissect on a character level. Why is her brain wired like this? What's causing her to behave the way she does? It would be so easy to be like "Well. Drow woman in drow society," But getting into the neurosis to try and figure out logic and reason for why she functions as she does is part of the fun of it
Also, I think it's funny that she see's herself as being part of that spider. That's just me making myself laugh. I think she's a genuinely very funny character,
Most Defining Moment
Catalyst of a greek tragedy domino effect. (Getting a man who clearly values his own family to kill his own children without realizing it)
It's such a slow / burn long game on her part. Really showcases the amount of information she's willing to keep in her pocket and how good of a read she has on other people to know that it's something she'd be able to pull off.
Favorite Moment
Slipping into Ellaniath behind Enclave and getting the shit kicked out of her as she comes to the slow and creeping realization that she does not have power there. Cathartic. Shows a side of her that you don't see in the first half of the story. Really separates "Sabdra" from "The Spider" and shows who She is compared to who she thinks she has to be.
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espoopee · 1 year ago
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Okay so I'm back
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It's been a couple of years since I've decided to actually use Tumblr for any other reason than to look at aesthetic stoners making pretty bowls with their crystal bongs or whatever.
The truth is, I'm once again in a pretty dark place in my life because I just had a 5-year relationship end pretty terribly, and not even of my own fault (objectively!!!). This is pretty much the only place I can talk about it because my ex would see the reactions and emotions I post on other social media and he would, for whatever reason, retaliate by blocking/unfollowing/whatever and just generally punishing me for being open about how I feel.
I'm not good. I feel so beat up and I even just got a new job that I really can't fuck up because it'll spell out the rest of my career for me. I really don't know why, but I really just crave some sort of apology or show of remorse from my ex.
For context, we broke up because... at this point, IDK. My ex said it was because at the time, I had no job and he was tired of opening his wallet for me for dates. Fine, that's totally valid. He wouldn't give me a chance, and I couldn't get a say. Bad. But the thing is, we never talked about this in person. He broke up with me via chat. It's one of the things that I quickly learned I shouldn't take lightly and I have to demand a proper breakup from him, especially since the circumstances weren't even that drastic. He refused, and kept avoiding me. He was kinda scathing to talk to when I could, always bringing up the reason for us breaking up. When I bring up that I no longer care why he broke up with me (since we're no longer together) and that I care more about the way he treats me post-breakup (since we have 5 years of experiences, many of which are good), he freezes and it's so obvious he feels some sort of guilt and he didn't think that far ahead. I just wish I was smarter in taking advantage of that.
It's been almost a month since it happened. At first, I didn't even know we broke up, because he didn't say anything. I had to go look at his twitter bio and see that he removed me without even telling me or warning me, and that's when it actually happened.
I just don't really know how to move forward, since this whole thing was pretty much forced upon me. I get that I have the option to accept it, but the way it happened is obviously gonna affect the way I feel and do things. I didn't get a proper breakup, of course I'm gonna feel some rage. I didn't get closure, so I'm gonna be constantly confused. I didn't even get to say goodbye, so it's gonna take a long while to realize that we're really no longer together, and that any form of reconciling isn't on the table.
I'm just in disbelief that a person can be that callous. How in the world can you leave somebody behind so hurt and confused? He always said he was hurt too, and stressed or whatever. I never really knew what to do with that information, because being hurt and confused doesn't make you immune to responsibility.
I don't even know where to begin when I tell people what happened. I know it's kind of selfish, but I really want someone to have my back when I tell them how much I've been hurt. He had his immature friends bully me during the breakup. It's wild, but I kinda wish I didn't have "mature" friends who think it's best if I just let them be and move on. I guess I'm looking for justice for myself, when no one else would.
If for any reason you Tumblr lovelies are still reading this, be assured that I'm fine, and don't have any plans on offing myself any time soon. I mean, I guess I did two weeks ago, but I was quickly reminded of what a terrible idea that is. I'm trying my best to cope and keep busy, despite my situation being stuck at home for the meantime. I might use Tumblr more often as a sort of journal/diary. The more I talk to my friends, the more I realize they just listen and don't do anything else, so if it's any consolation, I'll just use Tumblr to let ALL my thoughts out, no matter how negative.
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casyndrome · 1 month ago
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Well not only that this has been going on for a long time. I mean look at the American education system and look at what it's doing to our kids. One day of research, in fact less than that, though I would encourage anyone to do far more research than just a day about anything but that's besides the point, one day of research will prove that the American public education system is doing literally everything wrong. It will prove that it is fucking up our kids in multiple ways; denying them their proper sleep schedule, treating all kids as if they have the exact same mind, forcing them to be okay with a nine to five job, forcing them into burnout, ignoring their mental health, denying them the opportunity to properly socialize, denying them information on job opportunities as well as denying them the creativity and energy to chase after those jobs, the list goes on and on. Now when people tried to call this out before it was more, well it wasn't well hidden at all but, it was more accepted to fuck over kids this way and if you were against this people would say that you were anti-education and just trying to find a way to justify some supposed F on a report card. Now people are realizing that maybe those crazy people that they accused of being stupid weren't so stupid after all. Especially now that the school isn't even trying to hide the fact that they're trying to dumb down the children, I mean just look at the things they're taking out of the damn curriculum. People have been slowly losing their ability to think critically, school has been taking away creativity and individuality for fucking years, and now generation Alpha is fucking illiterate. That's partly the fault of the parents and partly the fault of the school but the school that's supposed to be educating these kids when the parents are failing is clearly not doing its job. And it doesn't stop there. It is no secret to anyone who actually uses their brain that intelligence is fucking demonized. Now sure the majority of people were brainwashed to believe this and they don't even realize that what they're doing is demonizing intelligence, but the majority of people reading this post are adults it's time to wake up and grow up. Intelligence is hard to Define and there's multiple different types of intelligence, but in this case specifically it is not defined by following the masses without thinking for yourself, it's defined by looking at situations and thinking critically and sometimes saying something that the general public doesn't agree with. Sometimes it means recognizing A Fault in a system and calling it out. Sometimes it means being the one to take the hit for having controversial takes. Sometimes it just means taking a minute to sit down, shut up, and listen even when the truth or a differing p.o.v is hard to hear and then making new judgments with new info. Far too many people have been brainwashed into giving up their ability to think critically, far too many people have been bullied into just following whatever the popular people say or following whatever the masses say, far too many people that have been brainwashed into demonizing intelligence. Take for example the fact that the quote "I know that I know nothing" has been completely taken out of context and fucked over and bastardized. The demonizing of intelligence is nothing new, it's just that people are now starting to realize what's happening because no one cares to fucking hide it anymore because they've already destroyed so many people. The only way to combat this is to rewire your brain and convince yourself and other people to start being a little bit more open-minded. Question everything, the school system taught you from a young age to listen without complaint for a fucking reason. And that reason was not meant to help us.
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What’s really occurring is an attack on the American mind. Ignorance is the handmaiden of tyranny.
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anyu-blue · 2 years ago
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~
I know I potentially sound ungrateful and "woe is me" with problems that aren't problems.
I also know I'm really not giving enough context and details to tell the whole story - and that can easily mislead people.
I have no intention of misleading anyone. I'm also hyperaware that life EXISTS. And it's HARD for good, normal people as it is.
One thing I want to make very clear, however, is I have been raised and left with a slew of double standards from my families. Adopted or blood, the story is the same. I've gone over it with therapists. I've asked for outside looks and ears into happenings. I want to know when I'm in the wrong/asking for too much. Always. I don't care about pride or saving face. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong and that's not going to change regardless of how I feel ..
I am not wrong about this stuff when it comes to the people who profess to love me as one of their own. I have been a provider for much of my life and have gotten little but shunned/shut out at any point I stopped providing... and most of them don't even realize the harm they've caused and still cause me to this day.
I've attempted to sit down and clear the air several times. Nothing has come of it the moment I need to rest and stop fighting for a while. Every bit of progress stops... And then reverses course to a place the other person is more comfortable (ie doing nothing, expecting everything).
I'm tired because I've done a ton. And gotten next to nothing of quality in return. It keeps sapping my will to continue.. being on my own like this yet called an ungrateful bastard when I ever point out the nothing I've gotten.
My most current (less emotional) example of this is having taken care of all the paperwork and problem-solving for the household for as long as I've had any say... And as soon as I stopped having the energy to problem solve (and communicated clearly as such)... Stuff stopped being fixed. My housemates left everything as it was and complained about the issues, sure... But never lifted a finger to try and fix them... Despite me telling them for years "I don't know how to fix it either. Let me check Google and see if we can figure it out."
Can't even lift a finger to Google possible solutions to a problem they hate.
My fault for taking care of it for so long. Despite talking to them and attempting communication every step of the way... As a good friend of mine put it "They take you and all you do for granted."
It wasn't pleasant to hear. Less pleasant to experience because it wasn't the "grateful when they realized" type of taking for granted.. just complacency... But, again... If they're fine with the problems as they are... They'd be fine without me.
Everyone else is fine with never seeing or hearing from me. Only expressing any interest in my being alive through the one person in our household they see. Never texting me directly through any channel I've reached out to them with.
For them... They don't realize it... But I really wouldn't be missed unless they suddenly had a wakeup call or any actual interest in how hard I worked to know them to be able to give them gifts or a proper love language greeting whenever I see them.
They're too busy to care anymore. Not that they did much anyway outside of what I gave them when I was around more.
Old Friends too... Life moves on. They have their lives, and I have mine... Whatever it is.
I'm also grappling with the fact that the one goal I had in life I believe is now blocked to me (for a variety of reasons. Some very good ones). And... I just don't know what to do with my life aside from continuing to work so the others don't fall...
But I don't want that either.
I want freedom. Breathing room. And that is an impossibility without a miracle too.
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logically-asexual · 2 years ago
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I personally just think it's so odd how he refuses to make a proper sanders sides episodea (and i understand to a certain extent that organization issues and time and personal life can cause delay but unless he's had neverending avalanche of personal tragedies and mishaps for 3 whole years straight there's nothing really that can justify THIS much of a wait) yet keeps riding off the sanders sides wave and has for years like every other video is related to the sides. like if he just wanted to pursue other projects for a while that would literally be fine he could curate an entirely new audience for something completely different if that's what he wanted. but he seems intent on keeping his sanders sides audience hostage with promises of episodes that never come and with crumbs of content in the form of sponsored tie ins and him messing around with the characters in entirely different contexts. and if he just wanted to mess around with his ocs thatd be fine i guess but people are giving him money and it just doesn't feel like its enough for him to make something that is of the same quality as the fan content his average fan makes every day for free.
i feel like if he genuinely wanted to make proper sanders sides episodes he wouldve done so by now. he clearly has the writers and time and crew and resources for the sponsored tie in videos and all the other videos he's making. but to me i get the impression that he just wants to mess around in character from time to time but do completely different projects in actuality, yet he doesn't want his primarily sanders sides audience to leave although thats obviously just an assumption. but if that's the case it's shitty to not be upfront about that and leading his fans on without giving them what they're paying for just because he doesn't want them to leave. you can't have it both ways either commit and make proper sanders sides episodes or be upfront and say you want to do something else and don't waste anyones time. I've already left the fandom some year ago and i only check in from time to time and i keep being baffled by the state of sanders sides.
i am honestly very confused and i so wish i could just know what thomas is thinking
like many fans are sure that he’s working super hard and being super productive and has a perfect plan but in the meantime he’s giving himself health problems because of how hard and continuously he’s working on the show and we should not complain about anything and wait for him to finish his perfect plan.
many other fans think he just doesn’t like doing main sanders sides episodes anymore and he’s stalling because he doesn’t want to end the show because there are still things he wants to do.
other people also think he doesn’t care about the show anymore but he has actively selfish intentions by not ending it because he wants to have the most time possible to sell merch between videos.
i personally get the impression that he does still love making the show and is working hard on it but his plan is bad and his ideas are way too ambitious to complete in a reasonable amount of time by people who aren’t a big team of professionals without proper management.
but the problem is that we have all these different views because thomas just won’t speak to us. like how can you explain such wildly different conclusions being all commonly found within the fans other than bc we’re getting terribly mixed signals from him?
(of course thomas could say things and if a bunch of people interprets it with the worst faith possible that’s not his fault. (and i’ve seen it happen and it’s very frustrating). but like. i think in this case these trends have to say something about the way he’s communicating.)
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infernalrevenge · 4 years ago
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Hello, hello! I was wondering if I could possibly request your take on Reader and each of the Dimitrescu Daughters with how they show affection? Nuzzles, kisses, hugs/snuggles, terms of endearment, gifts, nsfw, etc. One big fluff-ball. Just bury me in the warm fuzzy. Thank you!
This is excellent timing, anon friendo because I had been thinking of making a Love Languages Headcanon List for some time now, so this is a great way to start on that! I hope this satisfies your mushy fluffy warm fuzzball desires (that I kept relatively PG) :P
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Bela Dimitrescu
Bela felt that she had a reputation to uphold as the eldest daughter of the Dimitrescu family, ever so meticulous yet also eager to please. But she does know her boundaries.
More often than not, she finds herself busy with her mother in helping run the business, hoping to one day become a proper heir. I mention all this so you know her situation -- she's a working gal and you gotta respect that.
However, she is not one to leave her loved ones hanging. The best way she shows her love is by spending quality time with you, doing things that you might enjoy. It gives her a chance to better get to know her love.
Of course she would have her way as well, doing activities she liked such as art, music, and more. You two might even try something new to the both of you, just for some added thrill.
It doesn't always have to be "something" to do though, she's more than happy to just simply be in the same space as you while you do your own thing. That counts as "doing something together", right?
You could be reading a book on one corner of the room and she could be reviewing some important notes on the bed, but you two are just so comfortable in the quiet space you've made for yourselves that it feels like you two are side-by-side.
She just likes to know you're there, your presence alone is a great source of comfort to her. She loves to see you happy and content, especially knowing it's because she's around. Once you get into it, there is no such thing as an awkward silence between the two of you.
I imagine she's not that big on initiating physical affection, but she would be hard pressed to deny you anything. From something as simple as holding her hand, to spooning and cuddling, to a full-on make out session -- all you have to do is ask. She's more than happy to deliver.
Her favorite position is being the big spoon in bed, finding a lot of comfort in knowing that you are in her grasp, safe and sound. She also enjoys planting a few kisses on your shoulder and neck in an attempt to rouse you from slumber.
While she was still courting you (because I like to imagine she's a bit of an old-fashioned romantic, but she would have courted you regardless of your gender), she would often bring you gifts. They weren't extravagant, but they were definitely meaningful, and often related to things you two had talked about in the past.
She didn't use pet names very often but she will call you "love" on occasion, especially if there was a chance you would call her that in return. She may not openly admit it but she just melts every time you call her that -- made it feel like having a crush on you all over again.
Even though she may seem distant on the outside, Bela is truly a woman who makes the most of her time with people she cares about. You are no exception to that, and she wants that to be known to you as much and as often as possible.
Cassandra Dimitrescu
Cassandra, much like her older sister, believes she too has a reputation to uphold within the family. Can't have her be seen going soft for just anyone.
But uh, plot twist: Girl just wants to be loved, and she doesn't even know it.
In private, she really really loves physical affection. She shows her love by clinging onto you as tightly as possible, melding so closely to you that it becomes hard to tell where her body ended and yours began.
She loves pressing her cheek and ear against your chest to hear the calming beat of your heart, the warmth of your skin just under her fingertips, and her head tucked right under your chin while you two lay in bed together.
Truthfully, she started doing this when you first got together because she enjoyed how flustered you seemed when she basically had herself wrapped around you. But over time, the both of you realized just how much she liked being this close to you too. You teased her for it once and she shut you out of your own room for a while. (She only let you back in because she suddenly missed cuddling you.)
This was a trait that kind of carried over from her hunting instincts, but she was very observant of others -- their tics, habits, routines, and all the like. She took notice of a lot of things other people did, didn't do, and couldn't do. It made her very attentive to her loved ones.
This manifested in the form of performing acts of service. Toward you, it ranged from simple things like keeping objects that were usually out of your reach to a more manageable height (either by her own action or an order to a servant) to helping you relax after a long and tiring day, to even performing your chores for you if she knew you were having a hard time with them.
Anything that she could help with to make herself useful, she would do. She wanted her loved ones to move around comfortably and without much worry, and she would take on that burden if that was what it took.
Granted it didn't necessarily mean she did well in these endeavors, but the effort did not go unnoticed. And you would never see the girl try to half-ass anything -- once she started on a task, you bet your sweet ass she was going to get it done too.
Her terms of "endearment" were very teasing and, out of context, could be downright insulting. You would never hear anything so generic as "baby" or "sweetie" (unless she was being condescending.) "Little shit" (affectionate) was more her speed.
If you also called her nicknames with a similar amount of creativity, she would return it with the same enthusiasm. She didn't take those things to heart anyway. If insults were a love language, this would be one of hers.
Cassandra is a little rough around the edges when it comes to love and intimacy, but she loves so fiercely. It's like a fire, raging on the more you feed its maw -- the only difference is that this fire would never die out.
Daniela Dimitrescu
Daniela is the most affectionate and most likely to be a hopeless romantic in the family. She always daydreamed of having a "knight in shining armor" of her own, but honestly she'll take anyone who would love her for herself.
Definitely the type to show off her wonderful significant other, either "subtly" through a bit of PDA, or more overtly through a lot of PDA and more grand gestures of love. Just let her do this, she has so much love to give and she needs that energy to go somewhere.
Even in private spaces, she would never let go of your hand if she had her way. Trying to separate from her when she wasn't in the mood would get you the "kicked puppy dog" treatment from her. It's not her fault you were so warm and nice to be around.
She loves being the little spoon in bed. There's just something reassuring about having a warm presence right behind her, your arms wrapped around her middle. You could even kick a leg on top of her waist -- all she wants is to get as close to you as she possibly can.
When you're working on a desk and sitting on a chair, she will inevitably sit on your lap and snuggle up against you while you try to do whatever it is you're doing. No matter how many times she promises that "you won't even know she's there", it's kind of hard to ignore the way she just buries her face into your neck and the little snores coming out of her if she falls asleep like this.
Calls you very cheesy and almost strange pet names like "honey pie" and "sweetie baby boo". You're never sure if she actually meant them or was messing with you because of her tone, but you can tell she was always amused by your reaction to them, which was part of the reason she kept saying them.
She did also have an inner poet though, so she may suddenly pull lines like "the moon to my night" that would make you stumble and wonder what had possessed your girlfriend. And then you would remember how much she enjoyed reading romance novels, so it made more sense.
Sometimes she'll pull them out early in the morning right as you two were just waking up, limbs entangled with the other's. Then you'd hear her call you "light of my life" in her deep sleepy voice, and you just have to hide the big goofy smile on your face behind a pillow or something.
She also loves to give you gifts, mostly because she liked how your face would light up whenever you received one. Oftentimes, they are little trinkets that remind her of you that she spotted one day and thought to give to you. Kind of like a cat presenting a dead mouse or bird to its owner, but not as gross.
She says "I love you" and any similar declarations pretty often, but the words never lose their meaning. Just know that she always says them with her whole heart, regardless of the tone she takes on when she does.
She also enjoys doing random acts of affection because she likes seeing how you react to them, whether you get all blushy and a little embarrassed, or you return them in kind. Either way, she is very happy and it gives her the warm fuzzies when you play along.
Like I said, Daniela just has so much love to give, and she would be so happy to see that energy enthusiastically returned. Just give her a chance and you'll never have to doubt her feelings for you.
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tomatograter · 4 years ago
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What are your Thots on jake’s pq route?
I already wrote some about it in this post where I discuss the problem with taking dirkjake as a literal parallel to tavris (Mainly, that it’s inaccurate to both situations and misrepresents the dynamics at play) but it’s been long enough since release that I feel like I can talk about it without that criticism being taken as a personal witch hunt. TL;DR: As a general rule of thumb I don’t cite Jake’s PQ as part of his characterization, and I think basing your Jakewriting on it will only lead you astray.
I liked a lot of the Pesterquest routes and the alphas were among some of my favorites, but I think when you play the four of them in sequence Jake’s really... stands as the odd one out. It’s almost as if he’s afforded way less sympathy from the get go for some indiscernible reason, or like MSPAR took a day to say ‘I can’t stand this kid in particular’ after dealing with waaaaaaaay more mindboggling troll customs or stupid dangerous situations that tested their patience and their limits. When it comes down to it, it’s mostly an issue of framing.
Let’s go with the “Just the Alpha routes” example, because I think that makes the overall context clearer and the response/reactions it gathered (or the lack thereof) easier to understand. The alpha kids were the last 4 Pesterquest episodes. They were also afforded entire volumes just for themselves, which cemented our expectations on “oh, they’re going to really dig into unexplored territory!” and for the most part, that’s what we got! It was really nice to see the internal mechanics of Jane as someone raised within a corporate echochamber, Roxy as a grieving, isolated kid, deprived of all human contact, and Dirk as a nerdy doomsday prepper haunted by private flashes of himself as a supervillain. It all works! Those are things the alpha kids were dealing with on the background of the broader Homestuck story, things we were only hinted at as the *larger* problems played out. It makes you understand their point of view. Except on Jake's route, where nothing about his life seems to be relevant at all? 
With Jane we get discussions about HIC and her family, with Roxy beautiful passages about a mother they never met and growing up alone— Same for Dirk, who gets a whole brother zapped from an alternate timeline. But on Jake's route there's not even an expansive dialogue path dedicated to Grandma English, Skaianet, the rebellion, or the giant red ship that came and murdered her in the night and then bombed his house, leaving him trapped inside his only surviving tower. No understanding passage realizing that this kid has had to fend for himself in an island full of Actual Giant Alien Monsters trying to eat him alive, or that he cremated his guardian specifically to avoid attracting predators to the scent of fresh blood drying on her mutilated corpse at the age of an actual toddler. The text refuses to dig into any of the psychological implications or impact an environment like this could have on a kid, which is even weirder when you consider MSPAR has met and helped Vriska get out of a similar situation. The whole thing with Jane in the previous volume has just happened, even, while Jake's particularities go unremarked. He was just supposed to deal with it. And that's because a choice was made to portray all of Jake's problems in this route as sort of... single handedly Dirk's fault? Something he should have Just Dealt with?
There's not even a hint that Jake knows Hal exists. Which is important! Jake can pick out Hal from Dirk based on *verbal cues*, and the fact that he considers Hal a barrier between him and his "real friend" getting to communicate with one another is a whole point of contention (and even comedy) in the story proper. Instead of examining Jake's isolation, or grief, or how he literally locks himself in his room and plasters it with cinematic posters to pretend he's just the main lead of a wacky adventure movie in the face of the immense shitshow outside, we get brobot acting nonsensically and threatening to break into Jake's room to beat him up. 
A general reminder on brobot: He was programmed to scout the jungle and deal with predators so Jake could a) Be allowed to safely leave his room (something he simply didn't do before age 13 out of sheer terror, and we know this because dirk and jake talk about it on his birthday conversation, when he first gets brobot) and 
b) Learn how to defend himself in the case of a surprise attack, with different combat settings adjusted to his level. The brobot has a novice mode Jake feels patronized by, but pushes him up levels quickly enough. In Homestuck proper, the brobot only enters "stalking mode" after Hal gets pissy with Jake for finding him out, and forcefully switches the setting on to make Jake work for the Uranium inside it. When you take Hal out of the picture, this plotline makes no sense! Jake's route is set way before the Alphas even think of entering the game, so this particular event hasn't even happened. Jake goes on to text Roxy and she turns the stalking setting off remotely anyways, so even if brobot was programmed to murder Jake in his sleep, or jump him inside the safe zone of his room (he's not) he has literally no reason to be acting like that when he's been set to Baby Buff Up Mode.
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(Brobot does end up spontaneously pulling himself apart to give Jake his reward after this)
Which brings me to my other problem with the general framing of this volume; the alpha kids don't feel present in Jake's life as friends at all. It's all "romantic options" and "shipping discourse" and MSPAR making these silly logic jumps to justify insisting on this line of query, and all it does is completely flatten out anything of interest having to do with Jake as a Person, to build up an image of Dirk as being suspicious and shady for his volume and more or less come to the conclusion that Jake sucks because he just Cant Choose Who To Date Between All His Friends! And that's why jake is just like tavros… and dirk is just like vriska! Or something. 
And just as a reminder, here's Jake talking with Roxy so I don't have to explain why that feels like a weird choice to me. (click to zoom)
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And then there's the endings. On the vriska ending, MSPAR just ends up weirdly angry at jake for being such a piss baby and not getting that he's tavros and dirk is vriska so he had to… uh… take all his anger out on this 13 year old alien girl he has never met and teach her a lesson to prepare to do the same on dirk, or something. And on the other ending Jake mentions his pen pal, is zapped to meet jade, they have some non-committal greetings and then a cosplay party where Jake insists that he totally likes Lara croft not because she's a femme fatale and he relates to that, because he's never ever in his life thought of anyone being interested on him. Or Something. He likes Lara croft for normal reasons only. He wears really tiny shorts and does sexy poses because he's not aware at all of how other people find him attractive. He's just too dumb to get this, or the shipping thing, or that he's tavros and Dirk is vriska (who the hell are these people?).
Jake feels like an afterthought in the grand scope of events. Sidelined on his own episode. This volume is busy with rehashing age old fandom arguments that have little to do with his character, because said arguments were started and maintained by bored teens engrossed on fighting online instead of analyzing Homestuck; we introduce vriska for no interesting reason at all (thank god at least Jake has enough decency to say he's not into hitting on 13-year-olds, because that would have been particularly rancid.) And aside from catchphrases and old slang sprinkled liberally into his dialogue like a fog making machine, none of the motivation for the character is there. What does he want? What does he fear? Why does he act like the way he does? What would accommodating him look like? What would helping him look like? We get this on Jane's volume, Roxy's volume, and Dirk's volume. To really heart-wrenching and dramatic results, too. You get to know who they are, where they live, what they want, what they fear, what might help them get better, but Jake is just sort of There. He's a burden. MSPAR either ends this volume berating him for not doing what they want or finding him weird and confusing and like they don't know each other at all, and the fact both of those were marked as dubiously bad ends in the game files speaks for itself, I think.
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makeste · 4 years ago
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BnHA Chapter 305: Worst Intervention Ever
Previously on BnHA: Shinomori, whose name took me an entire week to memorize, was all, “nice to meet you Deku, I’m ten feet tall, do you want to know how I died?” and without waiting for an answer explained that he kicked it from old age at forty thanks to good ol’ OFA. Deku was all “wait a minute, then how come All Might, who’s fifty-five and is definitely dyeing his gray hair, is still alive?” First and Shino were all, “we really have no fucking clue but we think it’s cuz he’s quirkless, JUST LIKE YOU!” So basically, since quirkless people don’t exactly grow on trees these days, Deku is probably going to be the last user of OFA. The chapter ended with Nana being all, “psst, Deku, about my grandson. Uh, can you kill him?” which is sure to lead to a very interesting conversation this week.
Today on BnHA: Nana And The Gang are all “so, Deku, how can we put this delicately. The thing is, we’re pretty sure that AFO really fucked my grandson up, so on the off chance you can’t save him, how would you feel about, you know... [throat slitting gesture].” Deku is all “idk you guys, I kinda feel like he’s really just a traumatized child at heart and he’s in a lot of pain and stuff and so I should try to help him.” The Vestiges are all “BUT WHAT IF YOU CAN’T” and Deku is all “BUT I WANT TO TRY, DAMMIT” and the Vestiges are all “well when you put it that way, we, uh, were just testing you, so congrats, you passed!” The chapter ends with First being all, “ANYWAY SO WHY DON’T YOU TWO SHY BOYS STANDING OVER THERE IN THE SHADOWS COME SAY HELLO” before we CUT AWAY FOR ANOTHER WEEK, goddammit.
seriously, Nana
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just... have you met Deku?? look, if you really want Tomura dead, just sic him on the U.A. first years and tell Shouto and Honenuki that it’s a training exercise
oh my god lmao
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we’re too far away to see Nana’s face here so I will just assume that she turned and is staring DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA for this one line lmao. “I just wanted to clarify in case anyone felt inclined to take my dialogue out of context and spend an entire week complaining about it”
oh my god?! are you all purposely trying to make me sad??
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someone stop me before I launch into an impromptu rant about all my Tomura feels. WHY IS NOBODY STOPPING ME. oh my god but yes, exactly. he’s just in pain all the time. this is exactly why I think Tomura has such high redemption potential even though so far he seems to lack so many of the redemption arc essentials such as feeling remorse, wanting to change, and taking responsibility for his actions. the reason why I’m willing to overlook all that in his case is because Tomura has essentially had zero agency his entire life. AFO molded him into a killer by making sure he was in constant mental agony, and making it so that the only thing that even slightly relieved that agony was killing peeps. like, please don’t think I’m making excuses for him or anything, but if you take a child and manipulate their existence to make it virtually impossible for that child to grow up as anything other than a killer, and basically never give him the chance to be anything else, then no shit he’s gonna be a killer?? he’s basically never had the choice not to be. it’s never been an option for him. anyways I feel like I am EXPLAINING MYSELF SO BADLY but nonetheless I am prepared to die on this hill
anyway so now Nana is all “that’s a rhetorical question btw because Our Hearts And Minds Are One so we can feel everything you feel bro.” so yeah, that’s interesting
now Banjou is getting started on the “let’s try and talk Deku out of wanting to save Tomura because it’s insane” part of their OFA Mystical Space Void Reunion agenda
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look, Banjou, I feel you, I really do. you guys don’t think it’s realistic that Deku can defeat Tomura without killing him. so if it’s a choice between killing Tomura vs letting Deku and everyone else in the entire world die, then duh, you think Deku should kill him. I get it! and if this were a real life mass murderer I’d totally agree with you. but the problem is that this isn’t real life, this is a sympathetic shounen villain with a tragic past who might as well have FUTURE REDEMPTION ARC RECEIPIENT stamped on his forehead at this point
so First is all “look, there’s absolutely no doubt my brother has fucked this kid up good and proper by now”, which, again, fair
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though, that’s kind of exactly my point though. everything that Tomura is, everything he’s done, he’s done because of AFO. AFO has so effectively shaped his personality and his worldview by this point that it’s all but impossible to penetrate that. he’s AFO’s puppet. but the problem is that rather than treating him like a victim, you all are treating him like a casualty. like he’s already a lost cause. but good luck trying to convince Deku of that
WHOA WHAT, RANDOM SUPER-IMPORTANT AND BIZARRELY UNRELATED EXPOSITION DROPPED IN JUST LIKE THAT??
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way to still not reveal Sixth’s name, btw. THE PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW, DAMMIT. but also so this confirms something we basically already knew already, which is that not even AFO can steal OFA. it literally can’t be taken away by anyone unless the owner wills it. SO SUCK ON THAT AFO YOU EGG
(ETA: so I have no idea why this was omitted from this translation, but apparently the Sixth’s name was revealed as “En”, which is obviously not his full name but at least it’s something. also he most likely has a fire or smoke-related quirk based on the kanji used, 煙.)
so Banjou is saying that Deku’s “lack of an iron will” could be a disadvantage against AFO. hahaha what?? Midoriya “I’ll break all of my bones without blinking an eye just to protect someone” Izuku lacks an iron will? do tell
he says this is going to be a test of Deku’s determination. well yeah, no shit. but just not in the way you guys think
OH HELLO AGAIN
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darker hair again here! but I don’t trust the contrast in these scans at all after last week. his coveralls are way darker than they looked before too, and you can clearly see he’s standing in the shadows now
(ETA: yep, once again the raw shows that his hair is considerably lighter than what’s shown in these scans here. although there’s no mistaking now that his hair is consistently being colored in this slightly darker shade, and it’s not just the lighting.)
anyways lol First was saying something about how AFO can’t steal OFA, and they’ve spent all this time cultivating it as the ultimate weapon against AFO, and blah blah blah. go on then, keep lecturing
NANA GODDAMMIT NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT
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girl what?? you did everything in your power to protect your family, and AFO, fucked up man that he is, targeted them anyway. there is one person and one person only to blame for what’s happened to Tomura, and that potato-faced asshole needs a good kick in the balls
NANA GODDAMMIT DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE
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SO HELP ME GOD!! I WILL GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HUG YOU’VE EVER HAD!! THAT IS A THREAT
so now Nana is all “I’m just going to call my grandson a Thing to ensure that fandom has only the freshest, grass-fed no-hormones-added discourse this week”
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I don’t even need to drop into the tags to know exactly which specific people are going to respond to this, and what kind of posts they are going to write lmao. everyone’s all caught up in the “that thing”, and meanwhile I’m over here completely hung up on this “nay” that’s appeared out of NOWHERE you guys. look at that. she really said “NAY”
Nana, my love, my dearest, I feel you girl I really do. but he’s not an unforgivable manifestation of pure evil, Deku is exactly right actually, he’s a boy in pain. you guys need to stop questioning Deku’s shounen protagonist instincts here and just let him work his sparkly magic. “let’s try and convince Midoriya Fucking Izuku that he can’t save someone” is a plan that is NEVER going to turn out well you guys
“DEKU GODDAMMIT WHAT IF WE CAN’T SAVE HIM” lmao it’s like an intervention
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“DAMMIT DEKU JUST ADMIT YOU HAVE A SAVING PEOPLE PROBLEM!”
RED ALERT IT’S ANOTHER CLOSE-UP OF THE BACK OF MISTER TWO BON CLAY’S HEAD OMG
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(ETA: I was too distracted with freaking out about Two and Three to really appreciate how ridiculously handsome First looks in this panel. but on my second readthrough it stood out so much that I had to go back and add an extra bullet point just to talk about how hot he is. look at him. wtf.)
THAT IS DEFINITELY AN UNDERCUT. THE PLOT THICKENSSSS. also those are fucking exhaust vents on Mister Three’s neck. MISTER THREE COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE RELATED TO THE IIDAS, PLEASE TELL ME YOUR SECRETS I’M DYING OVER HERE
so now Deku is launching into what will undoubtedly be a “saving people problems require SAVING PEOPLE SOLUTIONS” heroic counter-speech!
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I mean, they can already feel the “lol nah I’m gonna try and save him” feelings running through him lol. ~OuR hEaRtS aNd MiNdS aRe CoNnEcTeD~ and all that. this is just a formality, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love a good shounen protag speech
oh wait hold up, do you mean to tell me that the whole “hearts and minds are connected” thing I was just mocking just a paragraph ago actually allowed Deku to feel what Tomura was feeling?? like literally feel it??
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YET AGAIN these Tomura feels are pounding on my front door you guys?? they just will not quit?? people my house is already full of feels, does it look like I need you to sell me any more of them?? -- what do you mean, they’re free??
AW YISS THAT’S IT DEKU. THAT’S SOME GOOD SPEECH RIGHT THERE
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I appreciate the contrast here between the Douchebag Triumvirate of Overhaul, Muscular, and Stain versus the Misguided Twosome of Gentle and La Brava. never let it be said that Deku doesn’t know the difference between a redeemable villain and an unredeemable one
OH NO -- OH MY GOD
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someone please help me I need directions to the OFA Spooky Galactic Nebula Realm in this fictional Japanese manga land. it’s not on google maps. I need to give these two babies a big hug and wrap them up in a blanket and treat them to some McDonalds Happy Meals please help
other things: (1) ENDEAVOR CHILLING OUT IN DEKU’S “PEOPLE I HOLD DEAR” PANEL LMAO NEON DISCOURSE EXTRAVAGANZA, (2) “ONE FOR ALL IS A POWER TO SAVE, NOT TO KILL” I’M ABOUT TO CRY DEKU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO FEEL ALL THIS LOVE, (3) [SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE] THERE’S YOUR MOTHERFUCKING IRON WILL!!!!!!!! -- I’m sorry, please don’t call security, I’ll be good
I just randomly remembered that Deku is still saying all of this in his muffled “FMMPHHMMPHMM” voice and I’m somehow cracking up lol. so actually it’s a very good thing Their Hearts And Minds Are Connected, otherwise they’d no doubt be all, “...what?”
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(ETA: so I completely missed this on account of it literally not being visible in the scan at all, but in the raw you can clearly see Baby Kacchan and Baby Shouto fanboying over All Might in two of these panels, and excuse me, ma’am??
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thank you very much Deku for including them in your montage, particularly since you’ve never seen Baby Shouto before lol. amazingly accurate image you managed to conjure up, all things considered.)
SDKFJLSKHG -- AS IF ON CUE???
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HE’S SO ADORABLE HELP?? Trippy Space All Might looks like he’s about to cry, and First is all “don’t crack a smile... you have to be Firm and Serious here... dammit, don’t smile” omg
anyways! YOU GO DEKU. “MY QUIRK MY RULES, BITCHES” damn, son
KLJLKKHLG TRIPPY SPACE ALL MIGHT LITERALLY ACTUALLY IS CRYING ALL MIGHT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME
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“I JUST... [CLENCHES FIST] REALLY LOVE SAVING PEOPLE” FUCKING HELL LMAO THIS IS THE WORST INTERVENTION OF ALL TIME
Deku is literally all “sure, maybe I’ll have to kill him, but have you guys also considered, MAYBE NOT??” it’s no use Nana he’s too powerful
LMAO FIRST
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“like I’ve been saying this whole time, you should definitely try saving Shigaraki Tomura.” “but, uh... First, didn’t you just -- ” “shut up”
(ETA: clearly it’s not just his brother who inherited those smooth-talking genes.)
so now Deku has turned back into a sixteen year old and his clothes have gone missing again. just OFA things
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dskljdlsklgk
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yes... sure... “testing” you...
HEY
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FIRST OF ALL, DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI YOU MADE NANA CRY. even if I’m pretty sure they’re actually tears of happiness/relief. and SECOND OF ALL, “TELL MY BOYFRIEND I SAID HI” DJSKDLKJJL ANYWAY MAYBE GRAN, NANA, AND MR. SHIMURA WERE IN A THROUPLE
[SCREAMS]
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WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE?? WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE!!!!!
(ETA: and two-to-one odds that we cut away to some other scene once they finally start to turn around next week. I’M CALLING IT NOW. giving myself a week to brace myself for the rage.)
fucking hell. well if anyone needs me I will be adding Horikoshi fucking Kouhei to the list of irredeemable villains, peace
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cosmicjoke · 6 months ago
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Hell yes. People that don't pay attention or who need things spelt out for them in big, block letters, don't pick up on Levi's subtle kindness all throughout the story, but it's moments like the above that the audience is meant to notice. It's moments like the above which informs us of the fact Levi is the kindest, most compassionate character in AoT, bar none. You're meant to take note of these small instances of him being aware of the pain and suffering of others, of it being intentionally contrasted against the other characters not being aware, or simply not caring, and you're meant to take notice of him then doing what he can to alleviate that pain and suffering. No other character does this. Not a single one. It's always Levi. Levi giving Eren a handkerchief to wipe the blood from his nose and telling Hange he needs a break, Levi telling Connie thank you for identifying his mother and confirming she's a Titan, Levi taking Eren aside and trying to explain to him that his squad's harsh reaction to him isn't personal, and wasn't his fault, or trying to make Eren laugh after the disaster with the Female Titan. Him telling Nifa thank you for riding hours to bring them Erwin's message, or telling Hange to lay off of Shadis when he admitted the truth about why he quit being Commander. Telling Hange to lay off of Eren after the RtS arc. Apologizing to Eren for needing his help during the battle in the underground cavern, while everyone else was berating him and telling him to stop crying. On and on. I could list so many more examples. It's not a fluke, and it's not irrelevant. All these moments are quite literally meant to inform the audience that, despite appearances, Levi is actually the most caring character in the series. He's the character with the purest heart.
It blows me away that so many people either miss this or flat out ignore it for whatever stupid agenda they have. Nothing in AoT is done without deliberate intention, and Levi's many, many acts of kindness, subtle and small as they may seem, are meant to reveal to the audience Levi's true nature. Underneath his stoic facade and the violence of some of his actions, is the kindest, most caring heart. That's also why I constantly talk about how Levi really embodies this theme in AoT of not judging others without proper context or without knowing the full story. So many people look at Levi's stoic expression and his willingness to commit violence, and they just assume that's who he is, or what lies at the heart of him, when in reality, it's exactly the opposite. His stoic expression is betrayed by the immense depth of feeling he has for all people, and his violence is betrayed by the kindness he shows to those in genuine need.
I'll always talk about this, because it's so unfair, the kind of bullshit takes on see about Levi being this violent psychopath or unfeeling hardass, especially lately, it seems. Who Levi really is is what you see in the above panels and screen caps. He's not anything like what certain segments of this fandom, even some purported Levi fans, try to portray him as. He's a good man, through and through.
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Shingeki no Kyojin/ Attack on Titan
Chapter 70
This is such beautiful and meaningful moment which tells so much about Levi’s character. While everyone is watching the effects of Eren’s Titan hardening capacity, squeezing the last atom of his forces, there’s Levi…taking out his neat, white handkerchief. His silent presence, so caring, so touching.
Es un momento precioso y significativo que habla tanto sobre Levi. Mientras todos están tan pendientes de la capacidad de solidificación del Titan de Eren, exprimiéndolo hasta el último átomo, allí esta Levi…prestándole su pañuelo blanco, inmaculado. Su presencia silenciosa, tan pendiente, tan entrañable.
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ghostietea · 4 years ago
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On Tohru and Akito: a long overdue analysis
As some may know, Tohru Honda and Akito Sohma from the manga Fruits Basket are pretty much my all time favorite protagonist/antagonist pair. They just work incredibly well as thematic pieces and driving forces of the story in relation to eachother. And beyond even the surface level they have a rich and layered goldmine of parallels that make them fascinating to think about. While it may make many a newbie raise an eyebrow, I think this is a fact that is to some level pretty widely acknowledged in the fandom proper. However, there is another level of their relationship that is often mostly left out of analytical conversations about them and their parallels: their eventual friendship. Something which, partly due to screentime, is often somewhat simplified down and misinterpreted. Which I think is a shame because, when you look at it, their eleventh hour friendship is deeply interwoven with their parallels and the very thematics and ending of the story. So then, what’s really going on with the girls that stand as part of the thematic core of Furuba? Beyond (most of, true analytical objectivity is impossible in interpretation) my personal sentimental feelings, let’s talk Akito and Tohru: their parallels, relationship, and role in the story overal. Read more present, this is going to be a long one but I hope you stick around 😊
One facet of Akito and Tohru’s role in relationship to eachother that I think is both interesting and imperative to understanding their purpose is their nature as eachother’s foils, especially their parallels. See, the two girls are both opposite and the same. Takaya sets them up as foils before we even properly meet Akito, as you can see in these panels: 
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However, their foil relationship becomes a lot more intriguing once their similarities become more apparent later in the story. Just think about it: two girls with boy’s names whose fathers died when they were young, leaving them alone with their mothers, who both developed behavior that, according to the environment that they grew up in, would keep them from being abandoned. Akito, coming from the cultish Sohma clan where she was treated as a God to the point that she thinks she can do no wrong and has tied all of her self worth to the role, plays the part of a male ruler who must uphold tradition and keep the zodiac with her by any means. Akito is terrified of being abandoned, especially since she has no idea how to have relationships outside of the context of the bond, only exacerbated by the fact that Ren, one of the only people that openly questions her role, has constantly told her that she’s useless and will be abandoned. This is something that informs all of her (many, terrible) decisions and leads her to try desperately to keep the curse together, something which puts her in direct conflict with Tohru, who actually wants the curse broken in part so that she won’t be abandoned. Tohru may not be as obvious with her abandonment issues as miss screeches-at-people-not-to-leave-her, but they still inform a good deal of her character. Like Akito, she develops behavior around the time of her father’s passing to try to keep herself from being abandoned, mirroring her father’s proper speech because she was worried that she was losing Kyoko.  But, as she grew older in her much warmer environment, Tohru turned to kindness instead of fear to capture others, maintaining a facade of extreme positivity, politeness, and determination so as to not bother anyone. And, while she hides it, Tohru just gets worse after losing her mother. She becomes dedicated to preserving her feelings about her mother as is, refusing to move on much as Akito also refuses to move on from the curse and what her father wanted. Then comes the beach house reveal, where Tohru learns that Akito plans to take away her new family, even locking up the one most precious to her. Tohru tells herself that she’s going to break the curse for the freedom of the zodiac and cat, but she is also, in a way, doing it to keep herself from being abandoned. Later this feeling changes to become more focused on preventing the loss of Kyo himself, something which Tohru doesn’t want to admit. Tohru is a truly good and kind person and does want to help, yes, but also some part of her is doing this to keep the ones she loves by her side, understandably as she is a teen that recently lost the person she revolved her whole life around. But it comes to a point that you have to realize: Akito and Tohru are both motivated by the same thing, they just present it in wildly different ways. I don’t think that I have to explain how exactly their behavior foils eachother, the more worldly and modern Tohru acting on radical kindness and acceptance and thinking she deserves nothing while the sheltered, traditional Akito uses manipulation and fear to get what she thinks she is entitled to. It’s very apparent, but just gets even spicier in the context of how similar they are. Another parallel is in Tohru’s mom picture vs Akito’s father box, both relics of their dead and favorite parent that they are extremely protective of and treat almost like it is their deceased parent. Early in the series Tohru is seen carrying around a photo of her mom which she talks to, something which seems pretty harmless, until we consider how terrified she is every time she thinks she’s lost it, even going as far as to refer to it as if it were her mother.  Notably, it barely shows up in the second half of the series, as she reluctantly drifts away from her mom and towards Kyo. In this later part of the series, we are introduced to Akito’s box, which she (semi, it’s complicated) thinks contains her father’s soul. Akito’s box is shown in a much darker light, from how the reveal of what it us to her is framed to how cruelly she reacts when it’s being stolen. Akito’s box is to Tohru’s photo what their owners narratively are to eachother: a dark mirror.
Ok, and now for the reason that I think it was important to bring all these parallels up first: because as you cannot understand Tohru and Akito as enemies without understanding their differences, you cannot understand them as friends without knowing their similarities. While it is easy to write off Tohru reaching out to Akito as just another case of Tohru being Tohru, that does a disservice to the full picture. I’ve seen around in the fandom that a good deal of people seem to think Tohru trying to befriend her is just Tohru being overly kind and forgiving, and this is something I think ties back a bit to some early fandom misconceptions about Tohru. Bear with me for a second, this is going to be a bit of a tangent but it ties back. It’s died down some now, but in the early Furuba fandom it was very common to just think of Tohru as a pretty flat nice girl doormat character, which besides misogyny is probably partially the fault of the 01 anime, which cuts off before we get to see more of Tohru’s insecurities and tones down what we do see (also, in the case of the relationship I’m talking about, 01 ads in that God awful end confrontation that I despise for being everything that I’m about to argue the ACTUAL confrontation that I like is not). Manga Tohru is a very subtle character, she hides a lot of her feelings behind a perpetually happy front which doesn’t start to let slip until later. And, since it’s later on in the manga which went unadapted for years and is mixed in with a bunch of crazy stuff, I think Tohru’s quiet development is often somewhat overlooked. For example, early series Tohru is very well known for the speeches she gives to the zodiac when she first meets them, speeches that, importantly, always tie back to things that her mom said. Tohru’s worldview back then revolved completely around Kyoko, so it’s probably a bit of a thing that in the later story, when Tohru draws ever nearer to the realization that she must move on, she does not give her mom speeches anymore? As opposed to the early story, when it was pretty much back to back character intros, in the late story Tohru notably only gets to befriend two new Sohmas: Isuzu and Akito. Notably, she doesn’t quote her mom either time, these are both people that she can relate to on some of her more hidden issues, and she shows a more personal side of her emotions in her turning point confrontations with them than she did earlier. It is especially important to realize that, in her confrontation on the cliff, Tohru is deciding that she is willing to go against her mom. Early series Tohru was a front anyways, and is a different Tohru from the one that finally gets through to Akito. I was using it as an example, but the evolution of Tohru’s befriending confrontations will be important later. Furthermore, there is the perception of Tohru as a doormat. Listen, Tohru may be very kind and polite, but one of her defining characteristics is being very determined and strong willed when need be. This is something that is especially relevant to her interactions with Akito. From the first meeting outside the school, Tohru knows to be wary of Akito and even breaks politeness and shoves her when she senses that Akito is making Yuki uncomfortable. This sets up immediately that Tohru can and will stand up to Akito. This is driven in even farther at the beach house, when Tohru, after again physically getting between Akito and a zodiac, decides that she will directly go against all of the Sohma family’s centuries of tradition and Akito herself to break the curse.  There’s even a cute moment when, upon remembering Akito telling her not to, Tohru just decides to meddle even harder. Tohru, while polite about it, does not like Akito and puts herself in direct opposition to her. Tohru does not originally want to be Akito’s friend, or to have anything to do with her. The cliff scene is not just Tohru befriending someone because she just is over forgiving and loves everyone (an argument can be made that she still goes to easy on Akito, but it’s in line with how the narrative treats her too so that’s another conversation), there was a specific reason both that she chose to try to get through to Akito and that it actually worked. Up until their big confrontation, Tohru still thinks of Akito as a threat, and while she has gotten more information that shakes up her view of Akito, she still doesn’t understand her well enough to see her as much more than an obstacle. Then Akito barges into her yard when she’s just been rejected, crying and confessing how terrified she is of being abandoned, of things changing, and Tohru just goes still, eyes wide in shock. And she realizes: her and Akito have been afraid of the same thing the whole time.  This is when Tohru decides to try to reach out to her. Because Tohru, on a deep level, sees Akito because of their similarities.  She calls Akito out on her insecurities, and Akito reacts badly, accusing Tohru of being “dirty” and trying to condescend.  Tohru partially rebukes this, not trying to hold herself above Akito as pure and righteous, but instead confessing her own fears of abandonment and change in an attempt to empathize with Akito.
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At this part of the story, Tohru is fully coming into the realization that, in order to live her life, she needs to stop clinging to this idea of an “unchanging” relationship with her mom, something that scares her quite a bit. She realizes that, while she saw the flaws in Akito’s “eternity” and tried to destroy it, she had not been as perceptive with herself, clinging to that same notion. Tohru is an incredibly repressed character, especially in regards to emotions she thinks of as “dirty,” and she is showing a remarkable amount of vulnerability in this scene. Another thing to note about Tohru is that she, in her immense repression, will often process her own issues through other people. We see this throughout the story, from her showing grief over her mom by crying for Momiji and his mom to her projecting her fear of losing Kyo onto Kureno and Arisa. So then, it’s quite something to consider that the last Sohma she befriends is the one most emblematic of the issues she keeps locked up tightest? That as she’s speaking to her she’s deciding to move forward from her own fears? In a way, could accepting Akito be a symbol of Tohru accepting what she thinks are the darker parts of herself? Akito is also coming to a realization about moving on, acknowledging that the zodiac curse is coming to an end and that everything she believes is a lie, and she is absolutely distraught about it. But Tohru, in a way that nobody else does, understands Akito, and wants Akito to be her friend. Not out of pity or reverence, but a desire for solidarity. And this is the very reason why Tohru was actually able to get through to Akito. As we see with Kureno before he gets stabbed and Momiji at the beach house and when his curse breaks, it’s not like people haven’t kindly tried to get through to her before.
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Of course, the reason it worked for Tohru can also be partially chalked up to the fact that Akito herself has come a long ways in personal realizations to the point that there’s just some things she can’t deny anymore, but that’s not all. Akito tends to react very negatively to what she sees as condescension, she thinks people want to try to pick her apart and see how she ticks just so they can look down on her, so they can see her as lesser. She thinks Tohru is trying to condescend too at first, especially since she perceives Tohru as this holier than thou saint wannabe. Fascinatingly, Akito’s view of Tohru is incredibly similar to that early fandom idea of Tohru as an angelic mary sue, and she hates her for it. She thinks that Tohru is trying to be like this and is seen as such, and that she (Akito) is the only who can see that Tohru is wrong somehow.
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But Tohru rejects this notion of a pure her that both the fandom and her early self tried to project, presenting herself as flawed and human and purposefully trying to not put herself on a pedestal above Akito. She makes it very clear that she’s not trying to condescend, she is the same way (well, sorta) and she gets it. Notably, after this point Akito doesn’t accuse her of looking down on her, instead freaking out temporarily because of how much Tohru called her out before venting about her fears to her. And, while, partially due to outside circumstances, it does take Akito a bit longer to accept her offer of friendship, she legitimately manages to get through to her very soon after this point. If Tohru had tried one of her early series mom speeches on Akito, or just tried to blindly accept her without understanding, it would not have worked. Akito would have just written it off or reacted badly and left it there. But because Tohru tried to befriend Akito out of understanding as an equal it actually worked. You can’t separate Akito and Tohru’s parallels and their eventual friendship because one aspect is integral to the other.
A connected aspect of their relationship that I see talked of very little but is actually a pretty strong undercurrent is that of equality and power. To explain this, we have to look at Akito for a bit. Throughout her life, pretty much everyone around Akito has either put her on a pedestal or looked down on her. This is something that not only greatly damaged the way she thinks of herself and others, but has given her an intensely hierarchical view of relationships. We even see this notion clearly take form for her in the black paint scene, where she decides that Yuki, who she’d previously seen as the same as her, has to be lesser or else she will become useless.  From the moment Akito was born she was “God,” an existence above everyone else. Even her own father only seems to give her affection for being God, and when he dies and she takes his place as the head of the family she is just elevated even farther at an extremely young age. The only people (she thinks) she’s close to are the zodiac, and the curse itself puts an inherent power dynamic into that relationship that can only be overcome with its undoing. Akito clings to her power, to her rank in the hierarchy, all the while the very thing she desperately upholds has made her the real outsider. Akito, who does everything in the name of belonging, was always alone from the start. As Tohru points out, as long as she is above the group she cannot be a part of it.
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Simultaneously, and almost contradictory to the pedestalization and power dynamic aspect, Akito is extensively coddled and pitied. A lot of the older adults around her treat her almost like a crotchety, spoiled child. A child who is coddled to the point of never being given any reprimand or instruction on just how to behave like a functional human being until things have gone far too far. Then you have cases like Kureno, who seems to still see Akito like a kid, pretty much just coddles her as a job, and only stays because he pities her. This leads to a strange dual sided dynamic in multiple cases, where Akito is seen as someone’s better and has more power but is also being looked down upon in a way too. Akito has never in her life been seen and treated as an equal, so it’s pretty important when it is made clear that Tohru tries to befriend her as an equal. After all this time, Tohru, an outsider that is not under Akito’s control, who can hold her ground in a challenge against her, is finally the one to meet her on the same level. There’s this page that I adore that symbolizes this idea really nicely. It opens on a panel of Akito sitting a distance away from the zodiac who are all having fun together, a motif we’ve already seen a few times, but this time Tohru sits down right next to her.
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This page comes at a critical moment, when Tohru is offering her hand in friendship to Tohru, it’s Akito realization of what Tohru is trying to do. Later on, we get Akito narrating what this page was showing, which I think I just need to put in:
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We also see a bit of their conversation after they reunite in the hospital later, where Tohru again denies that she is better than Akito. Now, I think both the Tokyopop and Yen Press translations of this scene are a bit weird, the Tokyopop version uses the word “pretty” (confusing) while the Yen Press uses “kind” (don’t think that’s the best word). However one time I saw like a Malaysian english release in the half price books that used “pretty on the inside” and I like that best so I’ll just pretend that’s it.
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I think this scene is interesting because it could seem like they’re just talking about morality but that’s not it. This is, once again, Tohru pretty explicitly trying to stop the creation of any sort of hierarchy between her and Akito. It’s not about right or wrong, Tohru know very well that Akito’s done things wrong and actively worked to stop her, it’s about not wanting them to be put on some sort of different rank based on morality and Tohru understanding Akito enough to empathize with the fact that (wrong or no) Akito was really hurt by Tohru and they won’t get anywhere if they don’t acknowledge that. Furthermore, I’ve already talked a bit about it already, but I think the way that Tohru asserts that she gets what Akito’s feeling and thinks she herself is “dirty” during their confrontation is relevant here too. She is, again, presenting herself as someone on the same level who understands Akito and is not being nice out of pity. This then leads to the page I talked about before which is again, Akito realizing this! This is a huge moment for her, someone who has had all of her relationships messed up by inequality and has no idea how to have a normal relationship, who is having a breakdown because she thinks that because of this it’s too late for anyone to love her, to have someone who understands her and wants to meet her on the same level. Even if she tries to deny it and shift blame, at this point Akito has realized that the zodiac bond is not what she thought and that she has been acting horribly. The groundwork is already there for Akito to have a change of heart, especially considering that a lot of her horribleness stems from legitimate extreme ignorance and her obsession with the bond so once she’s snapped out of that… The main thing that’s holding her back past that is that she’s panicking and cannot see a way forward. So then when there’s someone who actually gets where she’s coming from instead of just tolerating her and is offering her the sort of friendship that she’s never gotten to have of course she’d go for it! Tohru Honda has proven Akito wrong in ever way and, in the end, she even proves her wrong on her greatest fear: that she can only be wanted because she’s God. Because of Akito’s specific issues, nothing could have been more powerful for her than someone coming to her as an equal. Again, the piece about why Tohru could get through to her. It just wouldn’t be the same if Tohru didn’t have a reason to want Akito around or if she somehow saw Akito as below her, the very core of their relationship is the destruction of hierarchies. From the beginning Tohru has been trying to destroy the hierarchy of the zodiac, and when it comes down to it she does not take Akito’s spot at the top, but decides to stand beside her and the zodiac instead. Early in the series we see Akito trying to have some power over Tohru through fear, but when the time comes and Akito is pretty much defeated Tohru does not take power as the victor, hoping that Akito joins her instead of being somehow defeated. And at the end of it all this works, and Akito dissolves the zodiac and with it most of her power and her godhood of her own accord. 
Despite their relative lack of page time, Tohru and Akito’s relationship has always been something that I come back to. Sure, a lot of that is just sentiment as they meant a lot to me when I was younger, but I think there’s something there. They work amazingly as protagonist and antagonist, contrasting nicely and working as symbols of both sides of the thematic conflict. There’s a palpable tension to their early interactions that makes you both scared and interested to see what happens when these two inevitably have to go head to head. But then, as the story goes on, it seems more and more like they are a tragedy, so similar yet on different sides of the story, fated to have one of them stuck with an unhappy ending brought on by the other.
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But, even as dark as it gets, that wouldn’t really be Fruits Basket, would it? In the end, Tohru and Akito’s similarities win out, not their differences. I think it would have been so easy to just make this a story where the sweet heroine “saves” the villain just because, but that is so blatantly not what’s going on. Tohru simply sees herself in Akito, she’s not trying to somehow fix her and nor should she have to, she just wants to be her friend. And then the two manage to overcome their driving fear of moving on, forging new bonds and inspired by their interaction with the other. It’s not like Tohru somehow fixes Akito’s problems, Akito has to do things herself and in fact independence is a big theme of her endgame arc. Tohru simply offered her friendship, and that was enough. There’s a distinction to be made between how Tohru inspires Akito and Tohru somehow “saving” her, because Akito very much has to learn to save herself in the end after a lifetime of pushing her issues onto others. And, as a side note, all this is sort of why it bugs me when people act like Tohru would be like a mom to Akito. First off, Tohru shouldn’t have to be the mom to everyone. And, kind as she is, Tohru is also not a Kureno, she sees and interacts with Akito in a completely different way and their relationships with Akito are one of the big points were Tohru and Kureno differ. Second off, Akito has spent her life coddled and clinging onto anything that she can hold onto as a resemblance of parental affection to a toxic degree. Part of her arc is that she needs to grow out of this, become more independent, and have more balanced relationships. Akito at this point does not want or need to make a mommy figure out of one of her peers, and doing so may in fact be regressive. Sure, she will definitely need a level of guidance going forward, but it would be more beneficial for her to learn from example and under more of a friendly, balanced context coming from multiple people, not one person holding her hand. For all the reasons I’ve gone over in this entire post, I think it is much more meaningful for Akito to have Tohru as what she was canonically presented as in text: someone who sees her as an equal. The whole point of their relationship is, again, the defiance of hierarchies, something which I think is often sorely overlooked even though it is very openly there in text. And that, in part, is why I think their relationship is so powerful to me. Beyond hero and villain, right or wrong, or any story roles, it’s about two girls finding solidarity and friendship on a very personal, human level. This is Akito for the first time being seen not as this distant, untouchable male deity or some pitiful being, but as a flawed, hurt human girl who is nonetheless capable of change and being loved. This is Tohru coming out of hiding, presenting her flawed, terrified human self to someone she saw as an enemy. Fruits basket is, in part, a story about friendship and defeating systems of power and abuse. Even in a messy third act that muddles its themes at times by weighing character endings too heavily on het romantic love, especially in regards to the women (Hello Rin, Machi, Uo, ect.), Tohru and Akito stand out as a friendship that is given a huge amount of narrative weight. It just feels nice that, in a story that often focused on the power of relationships between women only to ditch all that and focus primarily on their relationships with men, these two girls are one of the driving forces of the endgame. The curse didn’t get broken by romantic love, but by the friendships everyone made along the way, including Tohru and Akito. Tohru has gotten it to this point, and now Akito just needs to bring it to a close and finally end things. At the very beggining, before this all started, all the cat wanted was for the God was to move forward and live as a person among the humans, and, finally, a long time later that wish was granted. The tale of the zodiac gets its happy ending not by a villain being defeated, but by the power of friendship and solidarity between women.
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