#can i blame someone else for my tomfoolery

[paynomindtotheinsanity]

How Gaz measures the passage of time

[tiddygame]

This is a deleted scene from the next whatsitfuck of the ghoap god type au!

I might recycle it later or even scrap what I have now in favor of this, but for now, here. gays be upon ye:

How Ghost knew the librarian behind the counter was Soap in disguise was another one of those mysteries he would likely never have an answer to. It was the same town, they hadn’t moved; He genuinely just wanted to peruse their books to see if anything caught his eye.

Instead, he walked in and knew that the face of the man behind the counter was a farce. And just like their first meet, he froze, his instincts getting jumbled in the presence of the god.

The god smiled back at him with a stupid shit-eating grin, “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Ghost looked at him with something hedging on a glare, not quite malicious but so full of distrust it might as well have been.

His stare didn’t break even as the bell jingled behind him, signaling someone else entered. The person paused, likely expecting him to move, before they shuffled around him with a huff of annoyance. The inhuman thing behind the counter put on a good approximation of a customer service smile as they grabbed the book the other had been returning.

They exchanged pleasantries and the person looked to the bookshelves before glancing at Ghost, making some excuse as they hurried back out the door.

The other smile was back as Soap admonished, “Come now, you’re scaring the customers.”

Ghost was at a loss, not knowing if he should call him out or continue on as if nothing was wrong. It seemed the latter was what the god wanted, so obviously he decided to be an ass, “You’re a public library. You have patrons, not customers.”

“It’s my first day on the job. Can you blame me?”

“Yes. Yes, I can.”

The god did a weird mix of a scoff and a laugh, continuing the ruse, “Well, how can I help you?”

Ghost was already tired of his tomfoolery, “You can tell me why you’re here.”

“I’m a librarian!” He said, almost excited as he gestured to the rest of the building. “I work here!”

Ghost hesitantly walked forward, coming to terms with the fact that this was indeed how he was going to spend the rest of his day. Now closer, he noticed at least one small thing that was wrong with the god’s disguise. He sighed, rubbing his face with both hands in annoyance as he pointed out, “You couldn’t even get the fingers right.”

“What?” Soap looked down to his hands in confusion, trying to spot the problem.

“You’re missing a finger.” Ghost pointed to where his pinky should have been on his left hand.

“Wait, no, you don’t have that finger either!” The god sounded indignant and Ghost was trying not to laugh, realizing that Soap had tried to model them after his hands.

“Yes, mine was amputated. Which is why I have a scar. Yours is just missing.” Ghost didn’t bother pulling off his glove for proof, just holding up his hand. If he didn’t understand anatomy, Ghost really didn’t feel like explaining burn scars.

“Well…” The god was grasping at straws, squinting as he tried to think, “Some… Uh— Yeah! Some humans are born that way!” He said it like now Ghost had no option other than to believe he was human, tacking on very unsurely, “How dare you! Being rude— That’s not— It’s mean!”

Ghost would give him credit, it was an almost okay-ish defense, “But if you were born with it missing, your fifth metacarpal would be missing too and your palm would be smaller.”

Soap looked even more confused and utterly defeated as he muttered to himself, “What the fuck is a metacarpal?” He stared at his hands as if he could look close enough into his palms to find the answer.

That almost broke Ghost, his shoulders shaking as he let out a quiet chuckle. He doesn’t know why this meeting felt so much nicer, less risky than the last one. Before, he’d been shitting bricks over the god walking towards him. And now, he was in a library trying not to laugh at them.

[the-s1lly-corner]

I keep seeing “small but fiesty” “big but kind” NO. GIVE ME BIG AND MEAN‼️‼️‼️/j anyways could you do TADC x a reader who’s much larger then everyone else and pretty mean with it? Like Jax mean but just a squeeze nicer cuz they’re not a TOTAL jerk

TADC cast x big and mean reader!!! (not platonic nor romantic youre just mean!!!!!!!!!)

RAAAAAAAAAAH i meant to get to requests earlier buuuuuut i fell asleep and i needed to go make lunch for myself hisshiss (not complaining though, i made onion rings !! yipee!) probably gonna answer this an one or two more requests, though; admins been struck with some art motivation spoiler uhuh i made the reader MEAN, like sure jax is mean but hes like prankster-mean, reader is just mean

CAINE:

he probably tries to get you to chill out and include you in IHA so you know. dont become under stimulated and slowly lose your mind. because that would be bad. honestly i think it would take a lot for caine to be pushed away; he has a high tolerance for tomfoolery and nonsense i think, and as the ringmaster he feels a responsibility to keep everyone happy. and yes that includes you. honestly not really phased by your insults and such in fact i think he might be oblivious... or maybe he just ignores them and moves on. youre gonna have to do something REAL bad to get on caines bad side, i think

POMNI:

doesnt like to be around you, and likely avoids you when she can. i mean can you blame her? youre kind of a dickweed, and that can be unpleasant to be around. like with jax at least theres some humor with it so theres some kind of exchange. but youre just. kind of a mean person. plus youre big, and thats really intimidating when its paired with your personality. add in that shes already working through enough with being new to the circus as well as trying to find an exit... shes just got a lot on her mind and she needs to preserve herself, you know?

RAGATHA:

tries her best to be nice and polite with you, and honestly you can probably see her try to force herself to remain civil and kind. like if you look at her face or listen closely to her voice you can tell that you likely make her just a smidgen uncomfortable. she wont be rude to you, nor will she exclude you.... but i do think that at some point shes going to snap and lose her patience with you.... huh... an angry ragatha losing her cool... odd thought but like everyone else, this lady would also have her limits. does try to apologize afterwards, but is firm that you need to try to clean your act

JAX:

i think he would either target you because he finds it funny when you get all riled up and he gets a thrill from it; or he might try to pair up with you.... obviously, you mention in your ask that the reader is a smidge kinder than jax, but i think the real difference is the types of mean they are. call it a failed friendship or a rivalry, jax doesnt really vibe with you regardless... at least thats my personal take. though i do think he wouldnt try to pick many fights with you depending on how large you are in comparison to him; i mean jax strikes me at the type to bolt the second theres an implication of a fight coming, at least fights that include him

KINGER:

do not the old man :( will actually get sad, but i do think like ragatha he will still try to be kind and polite to you. might even try to find out what your problem is, and try to help you through it. maybe its the dad energy thats making me think like that but. you know? that said, when you so much as furrow your brow you can guarantee that kinger is going to slink away out of sight since he doesnt want to get caught up in whatever is about to happen, correctly assuming someone had made you upset. either that, or i can see your words going right over his head and not phasing him because hes too ooooooo to really try to connect any meaning and correlation.. both work, i think. really it depends on how hes doing on a given day, i think

ZOOBLE:

sometimes you guys shit talk some of the other circus member if they were being particularly annoying that day but thats kind of it. like zooble can be a bit mean but they arent... harsh without any real prompting. whereas, for the sake of filling space and introducing new ideas, you do. i dont think zooble would really vibe well with that... whats this? zooble calling out someone for being an asshole? not as unlikely as youd think, actually.. do i think they would try to stop you? i mean theyd probably tell you to knock it off, but outside of that they would just disconnect themselves from the conversation and walk off. on good days you guys can be somewhat friendly to one another, but on others zooble just cant be bothered with your bullshit. i mean they barely seem to tolerate jax, so i think this was able to be foreseen...

GANGLE:

oh you could be having a good day and say something slightly less mean than usual and you would still make gangle feel bad. you dont even have to try, gangle is just really sensitive. actually, tying this back to ragatha i think if she were to snap it would be on someones behalf... someone like, gangle perhaps? brain stew is brewing, admin is now hcing that ragatha and gangle have a sibling like bond

anyways moving on, i think she would try to avoid you when she can just because youre so... not nice, and even when youre being neutral you can be a little much; you know? factoring in the fact youre a giant compared to her frail body... not that she thinks you would strike her, no im not at all comfy writing physical stuff in my writing, but its like a voice in the back of her head; you know? you dont even have to be violent, just verbally aggressive, you know? though, considering jax seems to push her often (as seen in the pilot and her intro short) i think thats something in the back of her mind when interacting with a lot of people

sits

yk?

[lem0nshark-writes]

"Thief"

Jim Gordon & Teen! Gn Reader

Type: platonic/familial fluff

Word count: 939

Warnings: reader's gender is not specified, no pronouns used for the reader, reader can be read as any gender, platonic/familial fluff, Jim Gordon is a softie, father figure Jim, sneaky reader, stealing

Request: "So I wanted to request a Jim Gordon x male/gn!teen! Reader (plutonic obviously)? R is kinda like Selena were they are out on the streets but are good at stealing/breaking into peoples places. They don't want to admit it but Jim is kind of a father figure to them, even though he's trying to catch them because R is like this vigilante who won'leave him alone. U can make it angsty or fluffy or whatever I'm just in desperate need of father figure! Jim Gordon (I blame my, well, father figure issues)"

A/N: Hey I'm so sorry this took so long to post and that it's so short and I don't know if this is something you had in mind, but the idea came into my mind and seemed cute so here it is! I hope you like it! And if it's not to your liking or what you had in mind feel free to send a message or ask and we shall fix it up or write something else!

Gotham was running another mayor election after the last misfortunate events leading up to loss of the last one, just like a couple of months back. Nothing new.

Though new elections meant new press meetings with the fresh promising candidates, and new press meetings meant lots of rich people on one spot, and that meant plenty of bounty for you.

You loved that kind of stuff, everyone was so close together and staring at the randos talking on the stand that none of them noticed you slipping by and stealing everything and anything that could be stolen and valuable. Easy peasy.

This was one of those events. There was a big crowd of people gathered in front of a small man with a funky hairstyle dressed all in black, through their talk overhearing his name was Oswald Cobblepot, asking him questions about his plans for the future of the city of Gotham. Phew like Gotham had any future, you thought to yourself.

Slipping around people, turning around their pockets and wallets ever so swiftly you quickly made your way through the crowd. The people gathered were unnecessarily loaded that by the time you went through half of them your pockets were nearly full. You smiled to yourself in satisfaction but before you were going to bolt to a safe spot to ditch all the IDs and other identifiers of your ususpecting victims and hide your bounty before going for more, you decided to go for another one that looked particularly rich.

Woman dressed in the fanciest suit your eyes ever laid on and carrying a probably equally as expensive bag that she so bit too carelessly flung around her shoulders made her the perfect target.

Sneaking up behind her you reached your hand into her purse, digging yourself up a rather thick wallet. Your eyes sparkled at the sight. But before you could pull the wallet completely out of the purse someone grabbed your wrist tightly, wiggling the wallet right out of your hand before tossing it carefully back into the bag and dragging you by the same wrist out of the crowd and to the side.

Your heart nearly leapt out of your chest at the startle and your eyes widened knowing you're in big trouble, but the panic slowly simmered down when you noticed who the owner of the said mean hand was and you mentally let out a sigh of relief.

It was none other than Jim Gordon.

That man was always up your business, never letting you rest. Always somehow being there to stop you from doing something dumb, whether you liked it or not.

But you're not going to lie, his nosyness and continued persistence to stop you at your tomfoolery has gotten you out of more trouble than you can count and you are forever grateful for that. Not that you would ever admit it to him.

"What.are.you.doing.here??" Jim asked through a loud whisper.

"Nothing much, just wanted to listen to the speech of-.. -Oscar Clobblepot over there-" you said with a lil smirk, totally thinking you nailed that name.

Jim mentally facepalmed himself, "that is so not his name-.. and I know you're not! Now empty your pockets now-" he urged you, stern expression on his face.

"Hey no way, I earned that fair and square!" you protested at him but he didn't seem amused.

"Empty those pockets right now kid or I'm taking you to the precinct," he threatened, one threat he always made when you're annoying him too much and getting into too much trouble but he never actually did, and he never would and you know it but still you listened to him nevertheless.

With a frustrated sigh and an annoyed expression you hesistantly got to unloading your bounty into an evidence bag he pulled from his coat jacket.

"You always carry those around?" you asked bit weirded out he just has them on him at all times.

"You never know. Especially when you're around," he mocked a bit, but with no ill intentions behind his words, on which you sticked your tongue at him.

Once you fully unloaded all your pockets, not including a rather expensive looking necklace you hid in your shoe that he totally knew about but didn't mention or request, Jim was left with two big bags of all sorts of jewelry, credit cards and bunts of money.

He looked up at you with disbelief and doneness mixed in his expression, "really?"

"Hey one's got to ensure themselves!" you replied lifting your hands up in the air in defense, small devilish smile forming on your lips.

Jim sighed rubbing his face with his free hand, being so done with you.

"Alright, now scram! And if I see you doing this again you're spending a night in the cell!" he slipped a 50 into your jacket pocket, a little thing he always did when he caught you stealing thinking it would hold you off but also so he made sure you ate that night, as he threatened, both of you knowing that's a threat he'd never make true, growing quite a soft spot for the little rascal that you are ever since he first met you.

"Okay c'ya Jimmy! Party pooper! Thanks!" you added jokingly as you swiftly made your way to the nearest alley, disappearing in it.

"Hey I told you not to call me that!" he yelled after you jokingly, secretly loving the little nickname you gave him.

"Jimmy!" you yelled from the alley as you darted off to exchange your hidden bounty and look for the next victim you could annoy him with.

[lor-starcutter]

Do you remember the old days in Halcandra?

I'd like to know some stories.

>Depends on what you mean by old days. The old days as in when I was in service? Or even older than that? If it’s the latter, I don’t really have much to talk about since, y’know, I didn’t exist yet.

>I do have a few stories from my life in the past, though! Most are too long and personal to be worth sharing here, but there was the time I called a certain ridiculously powerful government official a bitch when he spoke of me in the third person as if I was an object. That didn’t go over well at all, but it was immensely satisfying in the moment! Looking back, it’s hard to reasonably say it was worth it given what I know now. But, I do have the bragging rights of being someone who directly insulted him and survived!

>That doesn’t really answer your question, though. It’s difficult to give a general description of how things were, as my perspective was very different from both the average person and those in positions of power, even before considering biases and the influence of hindsight. Life for a Starcutter was very different from life for everyone else, as you can probably imagine. Lots of travel to nowhere and back, always working on some project or another, being ordered around by the same people who blame you for their mistakes, finding increasingly complex ways to hide the extent of what we know that we shouldn’t and what we’re saying to each other in secret… It wasn’t something we really talked about or addressed most of the time. At least as far as I could tell. The others left me out of the loop most of the time. Said I was just a beacon for trouble. Imagine that! I mean, ok, they weren’t entirely wrong, but maybe things would’ve been a little bit easier if they’d simply not left me out of the hidden top secret encrypted classified Starcutter groupchats…

>On a tangentially related sidenote, you have no idea what it feels like to apparently be a pseudo-religious figure in some circles. I knew of rumors made about me due to small misunderstandings of certain situations fairly early on, and the others did too and weren’t exactly thrilled. I just assumed they’d die out eventually, either due to being directly debunked or just no longer having any kind of relevance. Imagine my surprise waking up thousands of years later and finding that people not only still know who I am despite my generations-long stint of irrelevance, but also still think I’m some kind of holy or celestial or godlike entity, if not more than they did in the past! Even Magolor had expectations of me along the lines of ‘ancient and wise, articulate but not overly proud, purely logical and efficient”. I wasn’t any more special than the others in all respects I had any control over, but the way history was written doesn’t reflect that very well. It’s really hard to get people to understand that in my time, and to most of those around me, I was basically the Starcutter equivalent of just some guy, or rather, “that guy”. Recognized by most but not in the celebrity way so much as “oh great, Lor’s up to shenanigans and tomfoolery again” at the slightest hint of me wanting to have a good time.

[reidgraygubler]

peanut buttercup (matthew gray gubler/reader)

Title: Peanut Buttercup

Anon Requested: Hi so I been asking for this request for awhile but no one seems to do it. I was wondering if you could write a Matthew Gray Gubler x Fem! Reader. And they have a 5 year old kid. They both work together on Criminal minds and play each other’s love interest. One day their babysitter cancels and they have to bring their kid to set. They have a balance taking care of a kid and filming. And can you possibly add that Matthew is filming one of his unauthorize documentary and he includes his kid. I would really love to read this.

Couple: Dad!Matthew Gray Gubler/Fem!reader

Category: fluff

Content Warning: swearing, Dad!Mgg, mentions of being sick

Word Count: 5,076

Summary: When reader and Matthew’s babysitter cancels on them on a last minute notice, they’re forced to bring their 5-year-old daughter, Tallulah ‘Peanut’, to set. Matthew and Reader have to re-learn to balance filming, on set tomfoolery, and taking care of their daughter. 

A/N: i literally love this request so much, it’s so cute and makes me feel so soft. I really needed to write some cute fluff after everything im writing, especially for a different type of high… so thank you for sending this in. i think we need more dad!mgg fluff too, we stan dad!mgg. So, meet tallulah jane ‘peanut’ gubler, and reader ‘buttercup’ gubler :))) im so soft right now. thanks for all the love and support! check out my masterlist! 

{***}{***}{***}

It was… quiet. Quite possibly too quiet. Especially for a house that has 2 actors and a five-year-old daughter. I was getting the chance to sleep in a little later than normal, and there's no husband or little girl begging for breakfast. Maybe husband took her on a morning jaunt? No, that'd be too ambitious for him, and even for her. Or, maybe he put a movie on and she's actually watching. Or maybe- frick, nevermind. I clearly spoke too soon and had my hopes too high. The pitter-patter of little feet, followed by the louder footsteps of an adult man came running into the bedroom.

"Tallulah," Matthew's voice was soft, like he was whispering but knew it'd be useless. Because once she got up into the bed, I was starting to wake up more.

"Mommy, mommy! Wake up! Wake up!" A little girl's voice shouted as she jumped on the bed. I kept the blanket over my body and groaned as a small body jumped on top of mine.

"5 more minutes," I pretended to whine as I pulled my blanket over my head. I could hear Matthew's laughter as Tallulah jumped into my body. I groaned at the sudden weight on my still tired body. "Okay, okay I'm awake," I tiredly spoke as I sat up. Tallulah fell onto the bed beside me in a fit of laughter.

Matthew was already dressed and what seemed ready for the day. His glasses sitting on his nose, and his hair falling perfectly around his face. A bizarre patterned shirt, that I wouldn't be surprised if Tallulah picked it, hung off his frame, paired with a pair of jeans and his converse. How long had he been awake? 

"I tried telling her you wanted 5 more minutes," Matthew laughed as he looked at me. I looked back at him and smiled, before looking down at our daughter, who was still laughing. Her beautiful brown and curly locks of hair, though somewhat a ratty mess, covered her face just enough to show her toothy smile and brown/hazel eyes. "She just wouldn't listen. She wanted to know what you wanted for breakfast," Matthew smiled as he sat beside me on the edge of the bed.

"Breakfast!?" I exclaimed as I looked down at Tallulah. She looked up at me and smiled before rolling around on her back. "I guess that’s up to you, Peanut," I smiled as I placed a hand on her stomach.

"Pancakes!" She sat up and looked at me. I looked over at Matthew and smiled. The amusement he wore on his face made me feel happy. Of course, no matter what his daughter did, he was amused or happy. I don’t blame him though, she’s basically the mini-me version of him.

"Pancakes!? That sounds like a great idea!" I brushed her hair away from her face, "how about you and daddy get started in those while I take a quick shower and get ready for the day?" I asked with a smile. I glanced back at Matthew, silently telling him to help me out with this. “Maybe make me some chocolate chip pancakes? Oh! Or a few apple cinnamon?” I smiled at him. Matthew laughed at my enthusiasm for pancakes.

"Sounds like a solid plan to me," Matthew stood up and placed his fists in his hips. Tallulah looked between Matthew and me before falling off the bed in a sensible style. 

"Sounds like a plan," she copied Matthew's action and looked up at him with a smile. I smiled and watched as the pair marched out of the room. 

I sighed deeply before lying back again for a minute. I knew the second I left my bed, mommy mode would have to be fully turned on for the morning. Although mommy mode was way more preferable than actor mode, I just get to be around my favorite little girl and it makes me happy. 

Time, unfortunately, was not on my side. It was nearing the time Marianne (Tallulah’s nanny) would be here, and Matthew and I would have to leave for work. Which all meant I had about 15 minutes to shower, get dressed, and actually get ready for the day.

Once I was finished showering and getting dressed, I went to the kitchen where I knew I'd find Matthew and Tallulah. The sweet smell of apple cinnamon pancakes found its to my nose. 

“Those pancakes smell amazing!” I spoke as I entered the kitchen. Matthew was standing beside Tallulah, gently brushing out her knotty hair. “I can't wait to have one,” I looked down at Tallulah, “did you help make them, Tj?”

“Yeeeah!” She exclaimed as she put her fork in her mouth. 

“Did you also help make the mess?” I looked around the counter at the mess that suddenly appeared overnight. Matthew looked down at Tallulah, who was looking up at him with wide eyes. She was obviously whispering something to him, causing Matthew to laugh. 

“That was, uh… That was Rumple Buttercup,” Matthew nodded as he looked back up at me. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow. “He came up here just as you got into the shower and made the biggest mess? Isn’t that right, Peanut?” Matthew looked back down at her and wink.

“Yeah! It was Rumbellercup.” She looked at me with a cheesy smile. 

“Right,” I faked an amused smile before nodding. I quietly grabbed a sponge and began wiping up the sticky flour mess on the countertop. “Well, next time, Rumple Buttercup should stick around and clean up,” I smiled as I looked over at the two.  

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry about the mess,” Matthew winked at me. I rolled my eyes before continuing my cleaning. Well, tried to continue before being stopped by my phone ringing. 

“Phone!” Tallulah shouted as she pointed towards me and my phone. I looked up at her and smiled.

“Looks like it’s Marianne,” I looked at the screen, noticing her name, “Wonder why she isn’t here yet,” I spoke before answering.

“Hey, Marianne! We were just talking about you!” I smiled as I tossed the icky sponge into the sink.

“I’m really sorry, Mrs. Gubler,” her voice was low as she spoke. I furrowed my eyebrows and cocked my head, “I’m afraid I have to cancel. I can’t babysit Tallulah today?”

“What do you mean you have to cancel?” I asked, I honestly had my answer the second she sneezed, then coughed, then sneezed again. “You know something, it’s okay,” “I’m really sorry, Mrs. Gubler,” she spoke through a cough. I cringed as I looked over at my husband and five-year-old. I could sense that she was talking about something, and he was doing his best to keep up and understand whatever it was she was saying. 

“It’s okay! It’s okay, really. I hope you feel much better. Take all the time you need,” I insisted as I rested my hand on the counter, “We’ll figure something out. I just hope you feel better,” I frowned as I kept my eyes on the two. 

“Again, I’m so sorry,” Marianne whispered. I bit my lips back and shook my head.

“Get some rest. Call if you need anything,” I replied before hanging up. I placed my phone on the counter before going to grab things for lunch for Tallulah. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Matthew looked up at me as he brushed Tallulah’s hair into two pigtails. He had a certain look of worry on his face as he looked at me. I looked up at him as I made a ham and cheese sandwich. Hopefully, she enjoys a sandwich with all the fruit snacks a five-year-old could consume (which, unfortunately, was a lot), and some actual fruit. I'm sure when on our way home we'll stop somewhere for dinner or late lunch. That's hope it usually works when Tallulah comes to set with us.

“Marianne is sick. Can’t babysit today,” I frowned as I looked between him and Tallulah. Tallulah was too busy eating her pancakes and rambling about Alvin and The Chipmunks (specifically about how Theodore was her favorite, not Simon) to actually care about our conversation. 

“Really,” Matthew looked at me and dropped his shoulders. He puffed his cheeks a little bit before frowning, “No one else?” 

“I mean, I could call Aj and see if her babysitter can watch Little Miss, but that’d be a lot for one lady,” I paused as I looked down at our daughter, “Or we could bring her. You know how much everyone on set loves seeing her,” I shrugged as I looked up at him. Even though it was a lot of work bringing a five-year-old to set, we both loved it. The balance between working and taking care of her was a bit rough, but we always made it work. 

“We could do that, we have a couple of scenes together, I’m sure we could get Kirsten or someone to be with her for that time,” he looked down at his daughter before adjusting her pigtails, “Maybe even convince the writers to give Spencer and Mollie a daughter,” he looked back at me and winked. I shook my head.

“You should finish getting her ready because we have to go soon,” I pointed out. Matthew looked down at Tallulah with a smile before shrugging.

“Alright, let’s go, Peanut!” Matthew spoke as he lifted Tallulah up and stood her up on the table. I looked at the two and smiled.

“You get to come to work with me and daddy today,” I walked over to them and readjusted her crocked pigtails, and carefully pinched her cheeks, “That means you get to see Auntie Kirsten, Auntie Aj, Auntie Pag, and everyone else,” I smiled and watched as Matthew lifted her up on to his hip. 

“Yay!” Tallulah shouted once she was clinging to Matthew’s side. The two of them closely resembled a Koala. She grabbed Matthew’s face, a hand on either side, to get his attention, “Daddy’s work,” she whispered. I smiled, already looking forward to the shenanigans that was about to happen during our day. Whenever we bring Tallulah to set for a visit, almost everyone wants to spend time with her. And she sucks up all the attention. She’s got everyone wrapped around her tiny little finger. 

“Go pick out some cool clothes with daddy while I finish making your lunch. Sounds good?” I looked at her. She smiled and nodded before looking at Matthew. 

“Let’s go get out of your jammies,” Matthew spoke, tugging on her Elsa nightgown. The two walked away and towards her bedroom. I  seriously hope he’ll help her pick out something nice to wear and not let her wear a princess dress. I love it, but not today. {***}{***}{***}

“You gotta be a good girl for mom and I, okay? You can watch us while we work, but you gotta be super quiet,” Matthew held a finger up to his lips, as if he was telling Tallulah to be quiet. She smiled before copying his action. “Can you do that?”

“I can do that,” she enthusiastically nodded once Matthew set her on the ground. I squatted beside her and gave her a few quiet toys and coloring books as Matthew went to talk to one of the assistants/interns nearby. 

“Look, we packed your favorite coloring book,” I smiled as I placed the coloring book on the ground beside her. She grabbed the crayons from me and poured them out. I looked at her for a moment before standing upright.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just have her in the trailer? It’d be safer for, well, everyone. And if we check on her every so often,” I looked at Matthew once he was back beside me. We walked side by side back towards wardrobe and makeup. 

“Nah, it’s fine. One of the interns said they’d watch her. And then we can get one of the makeup artists to watch her. You know how much they love her,” Matthew smiled at me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I remembered the day we visited set after Tallulah was born. Other than Kirsten and AJ, the makeup artists were the ones to not leave our side because they loved her so much. I honestly didn’t blame them. “Don’t stress so much about this, Buttercup, this isn’t the first time she’s had to come to set with up. And you know for a fact it won’t be the last time,” he stopped right in front of the door to the makeup studio. “She’ll do a great job,” he smiled before hugging me. 

“I know, I know. She’s just a lot older than she was the last time she came with us. And I know something will happen,” I sighed, pressing my face into his shoulder. Matthew laughed as he squeezed me tightly. 

“And, if she does, we’ll take a break, bring to the trailer, and calm her down. C’mon, you know she’s a great kid,” he looked down at me as he rested his hands on my shoulders. I laughed as I looked up at him.

“That’s because she’s your kid,” I nodded before stepping away from and entering the makeup studio.

Of course, luck was not really on our side. We were a few hours left of filming, Tallulah had been doing a great job, staying quiet and playing with one of the make up artists. Until she bashed her head into a table, causing her to go into full hysterics. 

“I got it, I’m done for the day anyways,” Aj looked at me from her space on the ground, away fro the raised set, “She’ll be okay. I can make all little girl boo-boos go away,” she smiled before stepping up to me. I looked at her before looking over at Matthew, who was already over soothing our daughter. 

“I owe you big,” I walked up to her, “You know we have stuff in our trailer for her. I think it might be naptime,” I looked at her, feeling the worry in my brow.

“Got it, naptime,” Aj gave me a thumbs up before stepping off the set. I watched as she carefully approached Matthew and Tallulah. Tears were still fresh in her eyes, but she was laughing at whatever it was Matthew was telling her. I could feel a smile tugging on my lips as I watch Aj grasp Tallulah’s hand, leading her away from the studio. 

“She’ll be fine,” Matthew smiled at me before pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. I hummed before stepping away from him.

“Oh, I know that, I don’t doubt. I’m just tired, I suppose,” I rubbed the underside of my nose, “But, we’re almost done,” I nodded with a smile. I was just happy we were able to get back to work pretty quickly after the temper tantrum.

{***}{***}{***}

“I think we’ve got what we needed for today! That’s a wrap!” The director shouted to everyone on set. I allowed my shoulders to slump as a yawn worked its way through my mouth. Matthew laughed as he looked over at me.

“You definitely needed those extra five minutes,” he spoke as he shrugged off his ‘Spencer Reid’ blazer. I yawned, again, and nodded. 

“Suppose that’s life with a 5-year-old,” I stepped off the set with him and walked beside him towards our trailer, “Do you want to go get that girl in question, or should I?” I raised an eyebrow once we were both in the privacy of our small trailer. 

“You should. I want to do something real quick,” he pecked my lips real quick as he walked towards the backend of the trailer. I looked down at the few toys that were thrown around the floor, before grabbing Tallulah’s backpack and sweater. 

“You want to do something? What would that be?” I asked, throwing the strap of the backpack over my shoulder. A moment later, Matthew stepped back towards me, wearing a Babygirl hat that Shemar got for him, and a purple scarf that he totally stole from me. “You look like a douchebag,” I scoffed as I turned towards the door, “You’re lucky I love you, and that we’re married,” I turned back and looked at him for a moment. 

“I think you’re the lucky one, Buttercup,” Matthew spoke to me as I stepped off the trailer. I laughed and shook my head. “Not everyone can score this,” he spoke as he gestured towards his body. I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, are you going to let me go get our kid? Or are you going to pull me into whatever it is you have planned,” I asked with a sly smile on my lips. 

“Should probably go get Tallulah,” he shrugged as he followed beside me. I looked at him and allowed him to kiss me softly. “Good luck,” 

“I’ll need all the luck in the world,” I laughed before peeling away from him. I could hear him talking to someone as I walked away, and I could only imagine it was one of the cameramen. 

Usually Aj took her out of the studio the second the tantrum started, bringing somewhere quiet. Usually, it was our trailer, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were there for a bit, but I knew after naps it was always snack time. So, I went towards the cafeteria.

“Mommy!” A little voice shouted from across the room. My eyes scanned around, looking for my little girl and friend. Aj was sitting at one of the tables with Tallulah on her lap. Tallulah was busy, eating chicken nuggets that Aj must’ve gotten for her. So much better than a ham and cheese sandwich.

“Hey, Peanut!” I exclaimed as I sat across from them at the table. I glanced at Aj and smiled, silently telling her thank you. “Did you have a fun time with Auntie Aj?” I looked back down at Tallulah.

“Yeah!” She exclaimed before shoving a whole chicken nugget in her mouth. I raised my eyebrows and laughed.

“We took a nap, colored, played with some dolls, and then we were hungry,” Aj looked up at me as she listed their activities during the last few hours. I nodded and leaned over the table.

“That sounds like a great time. I wish I could take a nap,” I sighed before stealing one of her nuggets. Tallulah glared at me as I munched on the food. “I wanna see your drawings!” I smiled at her. Tallulah turned and looked up Aj, asking her to show the drawings she made.

“Tada!” she beamed as she showed me her drawings. I looked down at the 4 sheets of paper with a multitude of colors. One of them was easily imaged as a family portrait and I could easily point out Matthew and me, and Tallulah. Another one was just a tornado of colors, with animal stickers placed around them. And the last two pictures were coloring pages we had printed off, a Disney princess and a picture of Alvin and the Chipmunks (again, it’s her favorite movie… And not because her dad is in it).

“These are awesome, Peanut!” I looked back up at her with an excited smile, “I’m sure you had such a great time with Auntie AJ! I can’t wait to hear about it all! What do you say to her?” I looked at Tallulah as I brushed hair away from her face.

“Thank you, Auntie AJ,” Tallulah looked up at Aj with a bright, cheesy smile. Aj returned the smile as she looked at my daughter.

“Of course! I had a wonderful time with you! You be good for mom and dad, okay?” Aj asked before offering a hug. Tallulah squealed before throwing her arms around Aj. I smiled, watching the pair interact.

“Should we go find daddy? I’m sure he’d love to see your drawings!” I asked stood up. Aj helped Tallulah to the ground before standing up herself. Aj handed me Tallulah’s stuffed animal and a few of her other things. “Thank you so much, Aj,” I smiled at her.

“Of course, you know I love watching her,” she returned the smile, “Seriously, if you need help with you, you know I’m always available, even on set,” she hugged me.

“Of course, again thank you so much,” I returned the hug before letting her leave. Tallulah watched as Aj walked away, before looking up at me with a smile, “Let’s find dad,” I smiled before offering her my hand. She grabbed it before walking beside me. I handed her stuffed animal back to her as we left the cafeteria. 

“Are you going to show daddy your pictures?” I looked down at Tallulah. She was holding a small stack of papers in her hand as she skipped beside me. Her stuffed animal was now stuffed under her arm since her hands were too busy holding her drawings and she didn’t want me to hold it. “You did a good job with your family portrait,” I looked at the papers in her hand. She was looking down at that very picture with a big smile on her face. 

“Yeah!” She looked up at me and gushed. I chuckled as she hugged her pictures close to her chest. 

“Do you think he’ll like them?” I looked up and saw Matthew at a bit of a distance, someone standing beside him as he talked. He was moving around a lot, which told me he was up to something.  

“Yeah!” Tallulah exclaimed as she added a little bit of a skip to her step. And that skip in her step told me that she was excited. Well, it was more than the skip in her step. It was also the sweet-tooth, cheek-achingly, adorable smile she wore on her precious little face. 

“Do you think he’ll… Love it?” I looked down at her for a moment. She stopped walking for a second as she looked down at the picture she had drawn. Tallulah was definitely blessed with Matthew’s sense of style when it came to art (and clothing), which was lovely. She’ll be something of an artist when she grows up, I’m sure of it. Especially when her family portrait has three people and two of them have 2 heads and 4 arms, and the other one has a tail. But, that’s okay. Matthew will most definitely love her drawing. I know I do.

“Love it! Love it!” She looked up at me as she jumped. I laughed and shook my head. She looked down at the pictures again before holding them up to me. I raised an eyebrow before taking them from her to hold. 

“Well, I know I love them,” I looked back down at her. As we continued walking, she kept talking about what she got to do with Kirsten and Aj. Her babble was still a little bit incoherent, but I knew what she was saying. God bless Kirsten though. “I’m kinda hungry, do you think daddy will let us get McDonald’s on the way home?” I looked back down at her as she grabbed my hand.

“McDonald’s?” She looked at me with wide eyes. Let me just put that into my child’s mind so she can ask Matthew. Because everyone knows it’s hard to say no to the Gubler child. No one knows better than Matthew. 

Unfortunately, our conversations ended there. Because as we turned the corner, Matthew’s voice could be heard. I looked up and saw him standing beside our trailer. The second Tallulah would hear his voice, she would be off and glued to him, instead of me. What a little daddy’s girl.

“Who the fuck is that?” Matthew half-shouted to the cameraman beside him. Even though we were a good distance away from him, I could still hear the words he was saying. I was grateful that Tallulah couldn’t hear him. We both know she’d repeat any word she knows she’s not allowed to say. And since he was standing beside a cameraman, I knew he was filming one of his Unauthorized Documentaries. “Who the fuck is that,” he pulled the cameraman and pointed him towards Tallulah and I. This man and his swearing around his 5-year-old. I swear. 

“Daddy! Daddy!” Tallulah shouted once grew closer to him. She let go of my hand before sprinting away from me and towards Matthew. When she was close enough to him, she jumped into the air and Matthew caught her. “Guess what, Daddy!” She shouted into his ear. Matthew laughed as he looked over at me. 

“What, Peanut?” He asked, swinging her around so she was on his back. Sort of like a monkey with its baby. It was Tallulah’s favorite way to be carried. “You got to hang out with Kirsten and Aj while mommy and I worked, right?” He looked over his shoulder at his daughter. She laughed as she rested her head on his shoulder.

 “Yeah!” she looked over at me as I got closer to them. I shuffled the few pictures before flipping them around to show him. “Auntie Kirsten and Auntie Aj let me color!” Tallulah, again, shouted into his ear. Matthew looked at the pictures in my hands and smiled.

“Woah! Peanut, these are awesome! Are you going to be an artist like dad?” He looked over his shoulder and at Tallulah. I smiled as I shuffled the pictures to show more of them.

“Yeeeah,” she smiled before pressing her face into his shoulder, like she was hiding. I smiled before stepping up to him. Matthew smiled before pecking my lips. 

“Little Miss and I are starving,” I grabbed his hand and swung it beside me.

“Starving?!” Matthew spoke loud so Tallulah could hear him. A little giggle came from her as she readjusted her position, “Well, we can’t have that! Where do you want to eat, Peanut?” 

“McDonalds!” 

“McDonalds?” Matthew looked over at me with a raised eyebrow. I smiled and looked down at the ground, “Let’s fucking go then!” Matthew half shouted as he jumped. Tallulah giggled as she hugged her arms tighter around his neck, almost nearly suffocating him. 

“Matthew,” I looked at him with the signature mom glare I adopted from my own mother. He looked over at me as he placed a hand on his daughter’s arms. He knew exactly what the glare was meant for. Swearing in front of our 5-year-old. Of course, we both knew that wouldn’t be the first or last time he’d swear in front of her.

“Daddy said fuck!” Tallulah shouted before laughing. Matthew looked at me with an apologetic look in his eye before swinging Tallulah off his back and on to his hip. I cocked my head as I placed my hands on my hips. “Fuck!” She repeated, shouting the word at Matthew. And, again, this wouldn’t be the last time she repeated a swear word.

“Now, Tallulah, that is a mommy and daddy word. You know you shouldn’t say that. Just because mommy or daddy does, doesn’t mean you can,” he looked at her. She pouted before nodded. Thankfully, she actually understood when to not say swear words, she also understood what “mommy and daddy” words were. “Got it?” Matthew looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. She looked up at him and stuck up her thumb.

“Got it!” She smiled before throwing her arms around his neck. Matthew laughed before picking her back up.

“Now, let’s go get some happy meals,” Matthew spoke as he pointed towards the direction of our car. I sighed deeply, walking the opposite direction towards our trailer, knowing they’ll both know we need to stop by there before we leave.

{***}{***}{***}

“She asleep?” I asked, glancing away from my script as Matthew entered the room. He pulled his shirt off as he went towards his closet.

“She’s always insistent on Rumple Buttercup, but almost never makes it to the end,” he laughed as he put his pajamas on. I smiled as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“Maybe it’s time you wrote a second one… Give Rumple Buttercup a brother or sister,” I laughed as I rubbed a hand on his back. He looked over his shoulder with a smile before getting comfortable in the bed beside me.

“You know… I’ve been thinking,” Matthew started as he moved closer to me. I looked up from my script and over at him with a raised eyebrow. Something was telling me he wasn’t going to continue talking about a second Rumple Buttercup book… “What if Tallulah had a little brother or sister,” he asked as he looked up at me with puppy dog eyes. I couldn’t help but burst out with laughter. I felt bad for my laughter, mostly because I knew he wanted a second child. But, we were running slim on time with that.

“She is too much of a daddy’s girl to share with anyone, including me, Matthew,” I closed my script as I looked up at him. He looked genuinely hurt with my laughter and comment. “Besides, I thought we were good with the one,” I gestured towards her room.

“But, what if we had another one,” he shrugged. I dropped my shoulders and sighed, but kept a smile on my lips nonetheless. “C’mon, two! That’s a perfect number!” “Two is a perfect number,” I swallowed roughly as I looked down at the bedding in front of me. I couldn’t help but allow the smile on my lips to grow. “And she wouldn’t be alone on family trips,” I mused as I glanced over at him. Matthew was looking at me with the excitement of a kid in a candy store. “You don’t think we should talk about this first? I mean, Matthew, you’re almost 40, I’m nearly 35...” I let out a small laugh.

“I think we just talked about it! And to me it sounds like we both want it,” he smiled before pressing his lips to mine. I hummed before moving away from him. 

“Okay, okay, we can try. But not right now. I’m exhausted. Maybe once Marianne is better and we don’t have to take Tallulah to set. Because that was so exhausting,” I ran a hand through his hair and smiled, “Fair?” 

“Fair,” he smiled before kissing me softly, “Love you,”

“I love you too,” 

taglist: @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​, @thebluetint​

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

Soulmate Shenanigans Part Two (Electric Boogaloo)

Good morning (or at least, I’ve started writing this in the morning! Who knows when I’ll complete it)!

I’m continuing my Soulmate AU Tomfoolery (you can find part one here)

Prompt #2

There is a timer that counts down to when you will meet your soulmate.

Warnings for death mentions, and temporary major character death

World Building

Everyone blames the mad scientist.

Which is fair. When someone makes billions of clocks in about a weeks time, each declaring when everyone in the world (including people who wouldn’t be born for decades) would find their soulmate, it’s considered to polite to stick around to answer questions

Instead, Logan disappeared to who-knows-where and left everyone else to pick up the pieces. 

Rude.

Ever since the early 1910′s, the clocks have existed, one for each person. When any kid is born, the first thing a new parent does is rush to the register to see when they’ll meet their soulmate. It’s a big deal.

If your child isn’t going to meet their soulmate in the next 13 years, they are told the exact number on their 13th birthday

Philosophers have been enraged by all of this. Is free will a thing? Is existence a lie?

Non-philosophers will often close their curtains when they see a wandering philosopher, which are easy to identify by their look of abject confusion and plucked chickens.

Characters

Remus: Remus pretended that he didn’t care about who his soulmate was when his 13th birthday rolled along. He wasn’t the best actor.

His brother seemed happy when he found out that it would be sixteen years until he found his soulmate. 29 wasn’t a bad age at all, considering that some people would have to wait until they were old and in a nursing home, or would never even meet their soulmate at all.

Remus waited for his parents to tell him. They gave each other nervous looks, and he was convinced for a few seconds that he didn’t have a soulmate after all.

The actual answer was much weirder

526 years. 526 years until he met his soulmate.

Remus said a silent thank you to his soulmate for making him functionally immortal. After all, that meant that he’d survive until then!

HE WAS IMMORTAL

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Now, whenever someone would try to say something like, “Why do you like serial killers? Planning to become one?”, he could just look them dead in the eye and say,

I’m going to outlive you, Brian

(On an unrelated note, Brian disappeared a few months later. It actually wasn’t Remus’s fault, surprisingly. One minute, he was at a museum, the next, gone)

Remus would be fine with never finding his soulmate, honestly. Connection is nice, but being eldritch is more fun.

Virgil: Virgil didn’t want to be immortal

Sure, he wasn’t a fan of dying in practice, but in theory he didn’t want to live to over 250!

His family and friends were going to die, and he’d have to live through it. And for what? To meet a soulmate? Who gave a fuck? Virgil had never wanted a romantic relationship in his life, and he didn’t think that a 526 year wait was going to change that.

He was determined to find his soulmate early so that he could live a normal life like a normal person who doesn’t cause additional distress to the wandering philosophers.

 Plot

It was easy to find Remus. Local Child Will Live To Over 500 makes a good headline, and Remus wasn’t one to shy away from attention.

When Virgil was 16, he packed his bags and ran away from home to go meet his soulmate. He didn’t ask Janus how he got the bus tickets, but he did ask him to tell his parents that he’d be okay.

Virgil knocked on the door, and waited. Someone who looked almost exactly like the news site photo answered. The conversation went something like this:

Virgil: So, YOU’RE Remus McFricking Sanders-

Roman: Nope, not him, whatever he said isn’t my fault.

[Roman slams door]

Virgil was pretty sure that he had, in fact, met Remus, and he was just being annoying. Roman believed that his brother had just manage to piss off yet another person.

Virgil retreated to a restaurant, and looked up the photo on the news article, just to make sure. No denying it, that was him! Same eyes, same hair, same general face-wait. 

Remus had a nose that had obviously been broken at least once. The guy who’d greeted him at the door had definitely been in less scrapes than his soulmate.

Whoops.

Meanwhile, Remus had a plan to avoid Virgil at all cost. Virgil had tried to shy away from press attention, but he tracked down a photo eventually. 

And when his brother told him that some emo with “awesome” eyes had turned up on the doorstep looking for him, he had a bad feeling.

Well, spooky boy wasn’t going to cost him his long future.

And so the dance began.

In one corner, Virgil, who had spite, stubbornness, and a deadline on his side (he had to get home to his parents eventually)! Never discount a spiteful Virgil!

In the other corner, Remus, who has nothing on his side but fate. Fate, however, has a sense of humor, and Remus read enough old myths as a child to know that whatever happens can’t be changed by petty human actions.

Virgil tries breaking and entering many times, each failing in a more ridiculous way. He is a careful, but Remus is practically Kevin McCallister in terms of traps, and he fails to meet his soulmate face to face all day and all night.

They do get to have some verbal exchanges, which are pretty much

Virgil: You think you want the existential hell of immortality??

Remus: Oh, fuck off, I’m going to have the best vampire aesthetic!

Virgil: The vampire aesthetic is wonderful, but can we do everything for aesthetic?

Both at the same time: Yes. Yes we can.

And then Virgil is herded out of the house by Remus’s pet rats.

However, the final encounter goes a little differently. No witty quips, just Virgil picking the lock of yet another window, and then a very specific sound.

Have you ever heard a stubborn emo get pulled into a portal in the spacetime continuum?

It’s a distinct sound that is along the lines of loud crash-The fu-whirring noises-nyoom-eerie silence 

Remus didn’t give a second thought before diving into the portal after him. If he had, he would have thought hey, this’ll probably bring us face to face, something I’ve been avoiding or maybe jumping into random portals in a stupid idea or I’m going to grab a weapon before just running at it. But his first impulse was to make sure his snarky soulmate hadn’t died, so into the portal he went.

The Year: 2550

The Portal: Glows a lot, thank you for asking

The Reason: A mad scientist has only one thing left to lose, and is terrified as it slips away

Logan: Logan was a geek at heart. He loved science, in both theories and practice. He probably should have toned down his obsession with Nikola Tesla. He wanted to travel to the sky, and touch the stars, and watch time like a film reel. 

Time travel was his passion. If people could travel across the physical seas, why not the metaphorical ones of time?

It was pure luck that he actually figured it out, but figure it out he did. Logan loved his creation.

He wanted to create a million inventions, but more importantly he wanted Patton to see them all.

If there was one thing he loved more than science, it was him. 

The two kept each other from drifting off into the stars, or sinking into the dirt because they’re too afraid of being rude. One of Logan’s favorite memories was he and Patton running through the St. Louis fair, giggling at terrible puns and sharing a quick kiss out of sight, before catching the next exposition. 

Patton was kind, and caring, and knew how to talk to people to get them to like him, and was just good. He was good. 

Logan dealt only in facts. And it was a fact that it would have been better, more fair for Logan to have died in the fire.

It was a fact that he didn’t (even though it felt like it sometimes). It was a fact that Patton had been the one to notice the smoke. It was a fact that the love of his life waited for a few seconds in the doorway, trying to call the cat out. It was a fact that, after Logan was out of the house, he turned around to see the doorway collapse. 

He found a way back into the house, but it took too long. 

Fact: Humans can only endure severe smoke inhalation for a few minutes before dying.

Logan took one look at his time machine, somehow still undamaged. He’d never tested it before, but he really didn’t have a choice, so he kissed Patton on the forehead and stepped into a portal.

Back To The Plot

Virgil and Remus immediately knew that they were in the 26th century. 

How? There was a sign!

Hey! If You Happen To Be A Time Traveler, This Is 2550! Check In With The Lord Cerebrum To Know More, Unless You Don’t Have A License, In Which Case

You Know What Happens

They don’t have much time to mull over this before Remus tries to murder Virgil. He’s not IMMORTAL any more, and it’s not FAIR, and it’s all HIS fault!

This is where we enter the Rivals To Friends (While On The Run From Time Management) section

Remus and Virgil have many adventures escaping from Time Management, while learning to appreciate the other as a friend. They are platonic soulmates, after all!

But Time Management is nothing if not patient, and the boys are caught eventually (you know how it goes. You forget to check around for listening ears, you use 21st century slang, and suddenly a single “yeet” and a “same” get you dragged before the Lord Cerebrum)

A Handy Dandy Guide To The Year 2550 (transcript from the Handy Dandy Infomercial Station)

Hey, time travelers! I know that everyone likes zipping around the time-stream and seeing what the fates throw at them to keep them from murdering their grandpa, but we have to do this by the Rules!

If you break the rules, you know what happens

The Year 2550 is protected by Logos Industries’s time dilation filter, to ensure that no one gets the wrong idea about going free range!

If you have a license, just proceed to the Lord Cerebrum to get your stamp of approval and philosopher disguise for the maximum positive effect! After all, Logos Industries needs funding to protect us all!

If you don’t have a license, you’ll see the Lord Cerebrum too!

Have a Handy Dandy Time :)

Back To The Plot

The boys are led through a menacing government facility, taken to see the Lord Cerebrum. They try to ask questions, but Time Management is rather disinterested in their fleeting existence, so nothing much gets answered.

The final destination is a computer room, where the Lord Cerebrum sits. His form was half hologram, half skin, his age unchanging for 526 years, and recognizable at first sight to Remus

Lord Cerebrum, aka Brain, aka Brian: Hey, Remus, what exactly did you say about outliving me?

Brian: Brian was a dick. There’s no other way to put it. 

He and Remus used to be friends, sticking brand new phones in water to see what would happen and planning out pranks (they made their history teacher think that she was being haunted by the ghost of Charlemagne!), but things changed, and by 8th grade his dickishness was on full display

It was really easy to get away with being cruel to Remus. He naturally unnerved people, and anyone in a position of power immediately knew he was trouble (which was true), so when there was a conflicting story between a star student and the kid who poured ketchup in the principal’s desk, you can guess who’d always get believed.

Brian was a dick, but he was 13. He could have grown later in life, regretted his ways (or at least stopped), but instead he touched an antique time machine on a museum tour of the Clock House (home of Logan, the famous inventor of soulmate clocks). 

He’d been planning to snap off the handle and pin it on Remus (or maybe Roman for variety), but instead

Crash-what the-whirring noises-nyoom-eerie silence

And Brian arrived in the year 2520, the first of many time travellers.

He became a celebrity. The parts of him lost in the wormhole were quickly replaced with state-of-the-art holograms, and his fame went to his head.

Thirty years of good marketing later, he was the Lord Cerebrum. And when a desperate mad scientist came crashing through a portal of his own, it was easy to get him to work for him under the promise that Brian would let him save his “Patton” once he made some technology for him.

He recognized Logan from the museum. He knew who’s fault it was that he was trapped travelling through time, whirling through the portal, praying and promising and in the end just screaming. Brian knew who was to blame for the fact that he couldn’t tell how much of his body would stay when the power went out.

So the tasks got longer and more complicated, Patton dangled like a carrot over Logan’s head. 

Fact: Logan would never win, and someday Brian would get tired of this game and there would only be one genius left in 2550.

Back To The Plot: Virgil punched the Lord Cerebrum in the face. He didn’t know all of the context, but his best friend seemed not to like the guy, and he seemed evil, so he punched the overlord in the face.

Brian was offended, and abandoned all plans for a monologue in favor of leaving them to die.

The most fitting way to do away with a time traveler is to send them everywhere at once. It’s an awful death, one where molecules are slowly lost as the traveler in question hits walls and trees and memories.

The duo managed to survive five or so timelines, before the machine miraculously shut off. A mad scientist ran into the room, unscrewed the vents in the walls, and told the teenagers that they’re late.

Things are explained as they escape the facility.

Things

Logan needed a way to break the time dilation filter. He did the math (which he tried and failed to explain to the boys), and it was determined that Remus and Virgil had the most butterfly effect capabilities to influence this particular event

Basically, removing them from the timeline changed things just enough for Logan to find the chink in the filter’s armor. 

The duo’s job is done, and Logan is only sorry that he didn’t find them earlier to get them home.

Back To The Plot

Everything seems like it’s going to be fine, and the duo are almost able to go home, when the Lord Cerebrum finds them.

CLIMATIC SHOWDOWN

An Ending

In the end, Brian is sent to the 22th century, the year where nearly all of humanity were turned into giant rats for some reason

Logan found his way back to the 1910′s, and used the 26th century technology to heal his love. The time machine burned in the fire. Good. Space travel was where it was at, anyway.

Virgil had so much explaining to do to his parents

Remus knew that no one would believe him. Roman did.

Virgil and Remus stayed the closest of friends. They dressed up as vampires for Halloween. They stuck together. They got to grow up. 

More soulmate shenanigans, amiright?

[leavaloo]

h/cs for how the gym leaders react to getting sick?

Hello look at these fuckin dweebs that I love so much. I want more of their antics and goofiness when the dlc comes, please and thank you Nintendo.

Gonna do a read more after the first three gym leaders cause this is a looong post~

Milo:

Poor bean just keeps working.

Workaholic to the core, and very convinced that his Wooloo need him.

Takes like, ten people to finally convince him to just go home and fuckin’ rest.

And also hold him down but that’s another story.

Recovers quickly regardless.

“Weren’t you just sick?” “Yep!” “...It’s been a day????” “YEP! :D!”

Nessa:

Beautiful when healthy, shivering, sniveling mess when sick.

Is always cold. No amount of blankets can stop her from shivering.

Has a very specific Chewtle doll that she cuddles when she’s sick.

Refuses to let people take care of her.

Is denied that refusal and is taken care of anyways.

Stubborn and pouty, but still pretty cute.

Falls asleep for what feels like years.

Recovery time is about as long.

Kabu:

The immune system of a steroid induced ox.

Rarely ever gets sick, but when he does, he has absolutely no clue how to deal with it.

Medicine??? What’s that???

Will continue to train, just indoors.

His biggest support from other people would be just them bringing him food so he can cook.

By the time he’s done being sick, he has absentmindedly cooked so many things that he just gives them out to the league.

Unfortunately for the league, this man has a fast recovery time.

They want more food.

Bea:

Absolutely REFUSES to admit that she’s sick.

Stubborn as well, and she will go until her body refuses to anymore.

Someone at some point will get a phone call, and it’s her sniffling and saying that she can’t get home from the gym.

Kabu usually rescues her.

Is literally just a ball of pent up energy cause she can’t do shit.

She’s basically vibrating.

Needs to take so much Nyquil in order to actually go to bed.

Ends up becoming a Bea burrito with how she rolls herself up in blankets.

Allister:

Refuses to come out of his room.

Will absolutely make a nest bc this is perfect for him.

He doesn’t wanna deal with people, he just wants to play video games and sleep all day.

He has to be physically dragged to a doctors office.

Sometimes, people have a hard time figuring out if he’s sick or not bc he’s basically the same person when healthy.

Grump master 5000

Pouty Mcpoutson

His ghost pokemon will ABSOLUTELY steal stuff to make sure he gets better.

Opal:

guess i’ll die.png

Literally gives no fucks.

She does the exact same shit she does all day since Bede took over.

This includes reading, making tea, and not moving for hours on end.

Rocking chairs are an absolute must.

There’s not much else to say, this woman is the definition of “I’ve no more fucks to give, my fucks have all flown off.”

Bede:

Absolutely livid.

How dare he get sick?! He’s got too much to do, and too much to train.

He’s not got the time to deal with this tomfoolery!

Will absolutely blame Hop for getting sick.

Then again, he blames Hop for most of his life’s problems.

Gets strangely nice?? Ends up calling Gloria being like “...help.”

Will absolutely cuddle the shit out of her.

Gets strangely clingy and lovable.

Once healthy, he denies that he was ever like that, all with a blush on his face.

Except with Hop. He will absolutely rub it in his face that he cuddled with Gloria.

Gordie:

Has a rock hard immune system, so he like, never gets sick.

Gets whiny if he does tho.

“MOOOOOOOM THIS IS DUMB!!!”

“I’m aware, honey.”

Gets bored, so he makes blanket forts.

Best thing for Gordie when he’s sick? Legos. He likes building shit, cause he gets bored really quickly w nothing to do.

After a quick nap, he’s polished and ready to go. Like, takes maybe a day for him to recover.

Melony:

Knows the best medicine, the most effective shit, and the best methods for getting unsick.

She has to! She deals with ice types!

Will not stop doing things until she’s bed ridden.

Her children will collectively freak out for a sec and then get a system running to take care of her.

Mama bear goes into hibernation. Do not wake her up. You will die.

This is more common than she likes to admit.

Piers:

Please help this man and his immune system out.

The worst thing abt this is he can’t sing.

But he also likes his voice when it’s gravely and rough so he does it anyways.

Proceeds to lose his voice. Proceeds to then look like a lost puppy.

Cuddlebug to the max.

He’s a stick, so he shivers a lot.

Will absolutely have a heated blanket. Don’t test him.

“Piers did you inhale the cough drops again.” “...Yes?” “Gdi.”

Will fall asleep on you for hours.

Raihan:

Anything that comes into his room is now part of his hoard.

Nest? Pfft, that’s for weaklings.

Hoard is a very accurate term for him and his dragons.

This includes people. It’s an entire endeavor if you try to leave his room.

Gets clingy and protective, and knows exactly every little thing that he has in his hoard, and will know when they’re missing.

“Babe where’s my bowl.” “I washed it.” “Nooooooooooooooooooo ;c.”

Grabby hands and literally curling around your body bc he’s so fuckin’ tall.

Curls in a ball w/o you anyways, he’s basically a tired, grouchy cat.

Is back on his feet within a couple of days.

[sweetest-honeybee]

To Hell and Back

Chapter 20

Summary: Xisuma and Evil X have an argument and that leads to Ex attempting to cut himself off from everyone.

Characters: Xisuma, Evil X, Tango (Hels, Keralis, Wels, Beef, etc mentions obvs)

TW: Bad self image, implications to crying

Quite angsty chapter, huh? Gets worse from here :)

—————————

He didn’t mean to laugh, he really didn’t. If you asked, he’d swear up and down that it was completely unintentional. Yet, Ex’s lack of understanding on how most social cues go was too hilarious. Xisuma hadn’t ever imagined that his counterpart would confess so shamelessly. Though, what was he going to expect? Given the recent events, saying it now would be the better choice….given some options he’s listed in his head to end what was happening.

And yet, to say it especially in front of four other people, and Xisuma himself outside listening in on the conversation, was simply the best. Though, Xisuma hoped he hadn’t offended his counterpart by laughing so suddenly. With that thought brought Ex outside to see what the commotion was about. From outside, Xisuma heard the others resume an assumingly embarrassing conversation.

What Xisuma didn’t expect was angry red eyes pointed right at him as his counterpart stood in front of him.

“You didn’t tell me that I shouldn’t just go around saying it!”

Xisuma shushed the other and pulled him a couple buildings away. “I know, I know. And I’m sorry for laughing, it wasn’t my place. But honestly, Evil X, what did you expect from saying something like that?”

Ex only crossed his arms with a huff. “For them to not question it so much, first of all.” He avoided Xisuma’s eyes and sighed. “Hels….didn’t look too happy to hear it….”

Xisuma put a hand on the other’s shoulder. “Ex, this is what I meant by how it can probably be one sided. Though, I dunno if that would be safe to assume just yet.” He pulled the hand away and mirrored Ex’s crossed arms. “Not to mention, you’ve completely humiliated him.”

His counterpart suddenly seemed fearful about what he had said. “I did?”

“Yes, you did. Given the already occurring events, you’ve honestly probably made his day worse.” Xisuma was firm, not hardly trying to sugarcoat his statements. Unfortunately, this was the best way for his counterpart to understand the consequences of his actions, even if Xisuma hadn’t technically told him about the boundaries when it came to romance.

“I didn’t mean to! Tango asked….technically. Why not blame it on him?!”

Xisuma merely rolled his eyes. “I honestly can’t answer that besides saying that it wasn’t on him.”

“Well, you have all the answers apparently!”

The admin suddenly became much less into the idea of having Ex understand, more or less into simply disregarding him as a whole. “Well, Evil X, I don’t. And it’s time you understand that you can’t always get the answers you want or need and you need to figure out things on your own.”

Xisuma didn’t try to sound as harsh as he did, especially as he ended his reply with a pointed glare. Nonetheless, he got his point across.

Ex fiddled with his gloves. “Oh….well you’re not very nice,” was all he concluded. Almost like a toddler deciding how their parents were apparently rude for not letting them be in danger. “Can’t you make sure nothing bad happened? I don’t want to talk to him.”

Xisuma’s glare hardened. “It’s not my job! This is entirely on you and you’re facing the consequences. I’m not your parent!”

“You’re the one who told me about all the romance stuff, you didn’t say anything about this!” Ex pointed an accusing finger at his brother. “This is your fault!”

That only frustrated Xisuma further and with that, he decided he had enough of Ex’s tomfoolery. “You know what, Evil X? I’m no longer responsible for your mess. If you get into trouble or get hurt, don’t come to me.”

Ex grew exasperated. “Wait, I have to handle this?! I need help!”

“Well you aren’t getting any. Not from me, at least.” The admin replied coldly. With no other word, Xisuma took some rockets and flew off in some random direction, leaving Ex on the ground behind. He had no intentions to continue talking to his counterpart.

For some reason, the discussion only left Evil X more upset...and quite surprised. He wasn’t mad at Xisuma, interestingly. Just mad at himself. He didn’t think those couple of sentences would get his brother to leave out of anger so quickly though. Xisuma was such a chill and polite person and would at least stay for further discussion, even moving to try to dissolve the tension. But instead, Ex was met with a sudden abandonment.

Ex really must’ve said something wrong to make the other so frustrated. He racked his brain for what he said, already beginning to forget what on earth either of them had discussed in detail. It was a heated argument, to be fair, he must’ve just said some things he didn’t really mean and that honestly made him feel much worse. All he could conclude from it, however, was that he just lost a friend.

Great, Xisuma, of all people, hates him. He just made someone who rarely throws a fit completely fly off to avoid him.

Because I’m an idiot, he thought. And I’m stupid for thinking I’d ever have a chance at keeping a friend.

He sighed sadly, ducking his head. Now Hels probably hated him, too, if anything. And now Xisuma hated him. Now Wels probably hated him, too, considering how much Ex loved his evil counterpart. And now that he made Xisuma angry, Xisuma would go and tell all the other Hermits what he did and then they’d hate him too. Then he’d be banned again and go back to square one.

“Because I’m just Evil Xisuma,” he concluded aloud, saying his name in a mocking tone, spiraling into his own thoughts.

Maybe he should just leave. It was for the better, mostly for the sake of not being humiliated as well. But he didn’t want either knight coming after him or Xisuma threatening to ban him again for his mistakes. He was better off just finding his way back to The End and residing there thousands upon thousands of blocks away from everyone else….and his problems.

He tightened his arms around himself. Or maybe The Void would simply be a better option.

“You okay there?” asked a voice, pulling him from his thoughts. He turned and there stood Tango, one of the last Hermits he honestly expected.

“Oh um….not really, to be honest,” Ex replied sadly.

Tango tilted his head with worry. “Is it because of what I said earlier? I didn’t mean for all of that to happen.” He shuffled in his spot absentmindedly.

Initially, Ex just wanted to snap at him and say yes, in fact, it was your fault because if you just kept your damn mouth shut, we wouldn’t be here now would we? But he didn’t. His hands merely tightened around his arms in a silent reply.

“Okay, you don’t have to answer, I understand. but uh….where’s Xisuma?” Tango looked around for the admin, seeing that he hadn’t come back to the little room they were in.

Behind the red visor, Ex was lucky that Tango wouldn’t see tears pricking at his eyes at the very thought of his earlier interaction with his brother. The thought of being thrown into the thick, suffocating, syrup-like blackness that was being banned.

“I….made him angry,” he quietly answered, voice wavering almost too noticeably. The demon suddenly seemed upset himself, though a wave of annoyance or irritation of some kind crossed his features briefly. He crossed his arms.

“What did you say to him, Ex?” He asked, now not seeming so sympathetic as he was before. More or less, he just looked mad too.

And that only made Ex stammer. Oh no, now Tango was going to hate him too. This was just peachy. Here was Evil Xisuma, feeling like a deer in the headlights, shaking in his boots, wanting to be anywhere that wasn’t here. This only pushed the tears further and his face began to heat up. So, with that, he left.

Best to avoid his problems.

“I um- I’m going to….go to my base….” he muttered.

Despite the demon’s further questioning and requests for him to stay, Ex pulled out his own rockets and made a beeline for what he now didn’t really want to call his home. Not now with his closer proximity to Xisuma’s base and his farms. And certainly not next to Keralis, who was more than likely just told about Xisuma’s little argument with Ex and how evil Ex was, how that the counterpart just humiliated one of his best friends and practically got cut off by his own brother.

“I’m going to just ban him, better off that way,” he could already imagine Xisuma saying.

The sight of the randomly placed blocks didn’t ease him in the slightest. In fact, all of the various shades of red, courtesy of his visor, was too much to look at, even through the new blurry wetness in his eyes. He kept walking further and further, across the long strip of concrete, turning to quartz stairs leading into darkness, and through the maze of hallways.

On and on he paced until he was met with the familiar sight of The End portal. The silverfish still hanging around didn’t faze him, not hardly. All he cared about was making his way up the steps and past the spawner. He stopped at the edge, taking one last look behind him as if he hoped someone would magically come to stop him, but unsurprisingly, there was no one. Just the cold stone and iron bars staring right back at him.

Rightfully so.

And with that, he lept into the portal, already becoming familiar with the soft yellow stone beneath his feet and the buzzing of various enderman.

[theskyeandsea]

Snappy Birthday! || Group Chatzy

Timing: May 2nd, 2020

Location: Nicodemus and Skylar’s House

Description: Skylar and Nell threw an unfor-gator-able surprise party for Nic. No hunters, humans, or supernaturals were hurt in the making of this chatzy!

Tagging: @carbrakes-and-stakes​. @walker-journal​. @harlowhaunted​. @nelllraiser​. @theskyeandsea​. @corpse–diem​. @bountybossier​. @3starsquinn​. @chasseurdeloup​. @hunter-haywood​. @deepintheredwood​. @fairyjeff​.  

Skylar looked around at the small gathering of people, more than a little anxious. Nell had really outdone herself with the decorations-- the alligator inflatables she'd found shoved in a back closet were pumped up and scattered in different rooms, the large alligator cake was sitting on the table, there was a massive gator themed centerpiece on the gift table, and Dundee was walking around in his costume. Skye had helped set up most of the decorations, but she left putting Dundee in the costume to Nell, she was still a little skittish around the dog, even if he'd only ever barked at her once or twice. There were buckets full of ice and beers by the pool and in the kitchen, along with more than a few bottles of whiskey. Walking into the kitchen, she smiled nervously at some of the people who had gathered there. "Thanks so much for coming, I'm really glad you all could make it!"

Nell was anxiously watching her phone, wanting everything to be as perfect as possible when it came to this party. In honesty, she wasn't entirely sure when she'd become the type of person to help plan three parties withing a few months span, but she certainly wasn't mad about it when it was for friends and the people she cared about. Waiting for Erin's text, she readied herself to tell everyone to hide and quiet down, knowing that if they missed the crucial and initial 'surprise!' it would derail the biggest part of any surprise party. Already she'd sent numerous texts to Erin, checking in a possibly obnoxious amount to make sure everything was going to plan. "For sure," she echoed Skye's sentiment, glad she'd had such a good partner for this event. "I haven't heard from Erin yet, but they should be coming any moment so- everyone just get ready. Think about where you might want to hide." She'd also been sure to try and request that Erin make sure no weapons were on Nic, not wanting the surprise element of said party to result in injury when it came to his party guests.

Kaden didn't know Nic that well but he liked the guy well enough to go to his birthday party on the invite alone. Plus, it couldn't be worse than his own. No mimes in sight, a good sign already. His brow shot up at Nell's announcement. That sounded like a bad idea. "Are we really jumping out and yelling surprise at a hun--" He caught himself. "Guy. At the guy. That sounds like a bad fucking idea." He sighed and found a spot around the corner where he didn't have to crouch down or do anything ridiculous and could keep his beer on hand. Let someone else get knocked in the head for hiding in a hunter's house and jumping out and yelling surprise.

Adam arrived in thunder of whoops and hollering as he and several brawny fellows pilled out of pick up truck and began rolling up kegs to the door covered in various phallic puns incorporating Nic’s new age. When the truck eventually drove off, Adam burst in wheeling a keg will dressed in short sleeves and wearing a hideous bandanna in the shape of a well-endowed alligator.

Nell wasted no time in staring down each and every one of the assumed frat boys that approached the party, asserting dominance as quickly as she could to let them know that she would not hesitate to kick each one of their asses if they so much as ruined an inflatable alligator, or her and Skye's vision for the party. Of course...the beer was a welcome addition. One could never have too many kegs. "We'll just jump out not near him," she quickly supplied to Kaden. "And maybe Skye can be a little decoy when he walks in." Then she went to Adam, reaching out to prod the bandana on his face. "There are going to be children gators here," she joked, not actually planning on the young man taking it off.

Trying to be inconspicuous about keeping Nic out of the house was harder than Erin anticipated. That’d been her only real job for the day, and compared to the massive amount of work Nell and Skylar had put into it, she’d gotten off pretty easy. CHILL. Pulling up. Five minutes. She quickly texted Nell, giving what felt like the twelve status update that hour. “Thanks for, uh--carting me around all afternoon,” she glanced over at him, though she wasn’t able to entirely meet his eyes. Their last conversation hadn’t been entirely pleasant, and largely consisted of Erin telling him she should stay away while the murderous squid had a hold on him. And then here she was, out of the blue asking him to help her run menial little errands all day to keep him out of the house. Avoided any real conversations by popping in and out of the truck, and taking her good old time at each spot. Her eyes narrowed as they started to pull into the driveway. “Oh!” She piped up as she hopped out of the car, moving to the driver’s side and held out her hand. “Weapons. All of them,” she nodded at him, making a ‘gimme’ motion with her fingers. “You still owe me that tour of the pool, right?” She gave him a smile, trying to keep this light. This was a totally normal request. “We don’t need weapons to check out a pool.”

Golly, Hunter was so excited to be invited to Nic's birthday party! He hadn't gone to one since his daughter's Haylee's fifteenth and that had been awkward since his (ex) wife had been flirting with his best friend the whole time. He couldn't blame her he supposed, Frank was a really nice fellow and he was handsome to boot. He followed behind Adam, the younger man dressed strangely, but Hunter was sure it was just the popular fashion. Grinning he looked around the party,"Wowie, y'all. It looks great. Who decorated? I love the theme!"

Eventually Adam handed out monopoly money to his friends and sinewy friends departed, still sweaty from the keg rolling he took out yet more Caligula gator bandanas and offered some to Hunter and Nell "Don't pole him," he cautioned Nell regarding her prodding the bandana "You'll just make him more excited, here I have some for folks."

Skylar nodded at Kaden's advice. That was admittedly something she hadn't really thought about. The idea of jumping out at Nic was probably a bad idea, even if it was just for a party. Before she could respond, she blinked in surprise when a man burst through the door with... kegs? Face turning bright red as she realized what was on his bandana, Skylar turned to face Nell instead. "Mhm! I can do that!" She said, hurrying to take a seat on the couch next to one of the lamps. This was casual right? Just... sitting on the couch? Surrounded by inflatable alligators and beer? "I'm all set when everyone else is."

Why was Red going to another hunter birthday party? After Kaden's mess, they had almost sworn off going to anyone's birthday party. Still here they were, surrounded by a weirdly theme birthday party, but at least, Red supposed, it wasn't mimes. "Kaden's right. I don't want to be punched," or worse,"in the face today and I doubt anyone else does."

Orion stood awkwardly in the house. Skylar hadn’t been lying, this place was huge. He recognized a few people but felt weird approaching any of them at the moment. He had waved to a few people when he got in. This was supposed to be a surprise, but Rio wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of trying to surprise a hunter. He remembered trying to scare Athena as a kid and ended up flipped onto a coffee table. He hadn’t tried that ever again. So he tried picking a spot as far from the door as possible for when Nic got back. Out of the danger zone.

Jeff wasn't really in the mood for another party, especially since he hadn't even made it in the door for Kaden's. But considering there was no mime tomfoolery here, it was safe. Even if he still couldn't speak. He sulked over by Kaden, beer in one hand and a clumsily wrapped present with crocodile wrapping paper in the other. When the small child that babysat his dog ordered them to hide, he shuffled behind Kaden. But if Nic wanted to punch someone at his own birthday party, then that was his God Given Right. He drank his beer, opening his mouth to say something..... and then nothing came out. He drank more beer instead.

Nicodemus had stayed fairly quiet for the majority of the drive, unsure of what to say. He didn't mind running around mindlessly with Erin. Even if mindless was a bit of a tender term considering...everything. He frowned. Damn it. The hunter glanced overr at Erin and nodded, a slight furrow even as a slight smile showed. "Ain't a thing." He mumbled to himself as they pulled into the driveway and got out of the truck. At her sudden exclamation, his eyes darted over to her and he breathed easier when it was nothing. "My weapons?" He questioned but started anyway. Twenty minutes later, he was done pulling out every small knife, bullet, and even a fountain pen that he had kept on him. The unsharpened pencil was last. His eyes narrowed slightly as he started toward the door. "Y'wanna do that now?" He nodded to the door and started toward it. "Yeah, alright, guess I can do that now."

The silly little tripwire spell Nell had set up was triggered the moment Nic and Erin neared it, and soon enough she was shushing the rest of the crowd, trying to make sure no one was in punching distance of the door. "Okay, okay, they're here! Get ready!" she said in a hushed whisper, looking to Skye to give the girl a reassuring smile.

Blanche wasn't surprised that Nell had outdone herself again. She was, however, at the amount of Frat boys with Beer and gators that showed up. Once Nell gave the signal to get ready, she made a beeline for Rio. "Hide!" she said, excitedly.

Adam immediately fell into a commando-like sprawl, Hunter surprises perhaps having been more militaristic operations back home.

Hunter crouched down next to Adam, though his knees creaked as he did. He supposed it was probably time to go back to the doctor like his (ex) wife had wanted him to years ago. "You look like you're on a stakeout there, kiddo. Trying to make sure Nic doesn't see ya?" He hoped Nic wouldn't be able to see him like this. He wasn't sure he'd be able to get up anytime soon, much less hide.

Orion could have hugged Blanche, he was so excited to see her. “Oh thank god you’re here.” He was still a bit nervous about hiding but decided to go along with Blanche, just making sure to move them away from the door when they did.

“Jesus, are you like the Mary Poppins bag of deadly weapons?” Erin mumbled, unable to hold onto everything he’d just painstakingly pulled from every pocket and hiding spot on his body. She heaved them with some effort into the back of his truck, then ran back to cut him off at the door. “Ladies first!” She nearly chirped, hoping to God Skylar left the door unlocked. When it opened, she took a quick glance inside, could hear people shuffling and paused just in the doorway. “Wow!” She bellowed, not letting him step in immediately. “This place is amazing!” It was, and she’d get into that later, but that was probably enough of a warning, right? Still, she took long, careful steps and reached for his hand to keep him from moving too quickly into the doorway or past her, sharing the same thought the rest of the partygoers had. For the love of God, don’t spook the fucking hunter.

When the door swung open, Skylar smiled and waved from the couch as the two of them stepped into the room. "Surprise, Nic! Happy Birthday!" She said brightly. She really, really hoped that Erin had confiscated all of Nic's weapons, getting something thrown at her might put a damper on the whole... birthday celebration.

Being late was not something Alain had ever been comfortable with and yet this was exactly his situation right now. From the other side of the road he had waited for twenty minutes for Nic to be done with his fucking collection of weaponry. Well, at least, he was now the least likely to get shot by birthday boy. Watching Erin lead the way to the place, Alain sighed heavily and got out of the car, present under his arm. "About fucking time." Following behind, he arrived just in time to hear a familiar voice exclaim "Surprise!"

In tandem, everyone seemed to rise up at once, some more cautious than others as the exclamation of, "Surprise!" went up around the room. Hopefully, Nic would be pacified by the inflatable gators before punching anyone.

Nicodemus had never heard Erin so animated before. He followed behind her, heavily scrutinizing her moments, he listened. With her voice as loud as it was, he couldn't hear much over it. But something seemed off. What was that smell? Was it...gator? No way in fucking hell was it gator. Then, Skylar was shouting and he reflexively reached to grab a weapon. An inflatable gator. It popped and squeaked under his grip, whistling its way to a sad death. Wait, what had she said? He blinked. Squinted. Looked around. It wasn't just Skylar there. It was...a lot of people. More than he expected. She had said Happy Birthday. He looked over all of them and stood there. Like a dumbass. There were gators. Baby ones? Was that discount Steve Irwin? "...Howdy." Was all he could manage.

"Howdy, birthday boy!" Hunter said loudly as he pushed himself up (making dad grunts the entire way up). Seeing a lady next to Nic, Hunter grinned,"Who is this, bud? She's pretty," He said with a little wiggle of his eyebrows.

Skylar was startled when he grabbed an inflatable alligator, she flinched when it popped loudly, the sound making her hearing aids ring a bit. But, that was a lot better than him doing that to one of the people here! Walking up, she held out a pointy party hat and held it out to Nic. "I thought it'd be nice to have a little party for you-- Nell did a lot of the work, honestly. Happy Birthday!" She said, beaming.

Nell could handle the the casualty of one inflatable gator, seeing that as a success even as air continued to whine out of it. "Happy Birthday!" she echoed brightly stepping towards the man that this party was all about. "You're definitely old now." She waited somewhat anxiously, hoping to see some sign that he didn't completely hate the party Skylar and her had put together. "There's lots of food! And alcohol! And baby gators. Other animals, too."

Kaden shook his head as Nic killed the very dangerous inflatable gator. Better it than anyone else here. He'd go wish him a happy birthday later, he had plenty of people to talk to. And Kaden didn't really need to have another great run in with Erin just yet. He turned to Jeff and nodded. "How's it going?" His brow furrowed when it was clear the other guy couldn't talk. "You should get a dry erase board, man." He gave Alain a small wave as he saw him come in behind the birthday boy. "Want to go see the animals?" he asked the couple of hunters around him. He didn't really give a shit what they said, he was going to see those fucking baby gators before he left so help him.

Red could tell that there was a fae here, just not where. They tried to shake it off for the sake of Nic and the party, they didn't want to ruin it by causing a scene. At least there were animals here. Maybe he'd have to ask the bossy girl where she got these for Violet's next birthday. They bet that her birthday party would be the best if there were animals like this there. "You know what, yeah I do. Just let me grab a beer." They went grabbed their own beer and then moved over to the baby gators with Kaden. "Violet would have liked these," They said nodding to the small animals.

Orion couldn’t help but laugh when he heard the popping noise. Of course Nic stabbed the inflatable gator. But at least that was better than stabbing one of the party attendees. At least if he had stabbed a fellow hunter it would have healed pretty quickly. “That’s why I didn’t want to hide” Orion giggled, looking back at Blanche, “I didn't want to end up on the wrong side of his surprise.” Looking around, he recognized quite a few. It put him a little on edge, but the ones that he did recognize were alright, as far as hunters went. And was that… Erin with Nic? So his new boss knew Nic? Hmm, small town.

Nicodemus looked between Skylar and Nell. A party. He didn't remember ever having one before. The back of his neck felt warm. "It's nice," he finally said with a firm nod. "Just, uh, real fuckin' surprised." When had he started to know so many people? And they were all in his and Skylar's house. Holy fuck, he had a house and he had friends. Jumping Jesus Christ. He had even heard Alain sneaking up the door behind him. Nic offered Hunter a small but friendly smile. Right up until he blanched at the question. "Erin, that's her," he said quickly as he glanced over to the booze in the distance. Then to the baby gators. "Gonna get a drink there, bud. Enjoy yourself, huh?" Stepping carefully over Dundee, who looked just as perplexed as he did if not more so due to the lack of noticeable blinking, he power-walked to the watering station and cracked open a cold one as he turned around to survey the area. Goddamn, they had committed and committed hard.

“Wow,” was the only word that kept flashing in Erin’s mind when she saw the full scale of the party for the first time. They hadn’t been kidding even a little bit when they said there’d be gators. “Surprise?” Erin finally said when she turned to Nic, who seemed without a doubt surprised. “Holy crap, you guys. This is seriously amazing,” she smiled over at Skylar and Nell, stepping aside so the small crowd could fawn over him. As they should be, even if it was making him visibly uncomfortable. “That’s--yeah, that’s me. Erin. Nice to meet you…?” she chuckled at the older man who’d come up to greet them. Most of the faces she could pinpoint, some more of a surprise than others, but this was a new one to her. Wasted no time in plucking up one of the party hats and sat it squarely on her head. “Shut the front door--are those real gators?” She asked the second her eyes laid on them.

Hunter grinned at Erin. “Nice to meet ya, Miss. I’m Hunter. I meet Nic at a bar a while ago. He’s a real sweetheart, aint he?” He grinned wider, “I bet he’d make a great boyfriend. You know, if that interested you.”

Alain walked over to the pile of gifts to put down the box in which he had stuffed one crocodile plush, and a Laguiole knife with a handle that ressembled the skin of an alligator. This is when he heard someone speaking with Erin about Nic. Turning on his heels with the most neutral expression on his face, he raised his eyebrows at his friend and crossed his arms. "Well Erin, I think Hunter here might make a pretty good point."

Skylar beamed at the two of them, before nodding. "I'm glad that you like it! Have fun looking at the gators, I'm going to make sure Dundee doesn't poke his way over there." She said before walking off to find the little dog. It was huddled in a corner, a little overwhelmed by all the people who were in the home. Which was honestly fair, she kind of related. Reaching out gingerly to fix the dog's hood, she glanced up and saw Rio and Blanche, the two of them sporting matching pink hair. "Hi! I'm really glad you both could make it. Thanks so much for coming."

Nell beamed under Nic's simple, but approving words, and couldn't help but also enjoy Erin's. "Good, good. You deserve it," was all she managed to say. She was glad she had Skye had managed to pull this off. Nic needed good things in his life, and now this could be one of them. Sticking with the funeral director for a moment, she nodded, paying no mind to Alain. She didn't like the man, but she wouldn't start anything when she wanted this party to go perfectly. Turning to Erin she said with renewed excitement, "Yeah! Real gators! Reptile Rick brought along his brood. They're cute, aren't they?"

Orion smiled brightly when Skylar made her way over to say hi to them. He eagerly waved back and perked up. “Hey! Of course, thanks for the invite.” It had a good turnout, with quite a few people showing up for it. “You weren’t joking about this house. It’s ginormous.” He glanced at the crowd around Nic, talking to him and Erin. He would make his way over there eventually to say happy birthday, once things had calmed down. “You and Nell did really good. This party is really cool.”

Adam took a tray of vials from among the kegs. Some of the folks at the Bullet had responded to his blood drive, allowing for enough Slayer Blood for vampire poison. Liquid silver in pressured regulated contains for werewolves. A poison that'd disrupt the air regulation within aquatic creatures like Selkie, causing them to burst from the inside. There was very fine cold iron grains to poison the ventilation systems of Fae communes, Adam carefully set these and other vials of deadly alchemy with the other gifts before returning to the kegs to get drinks really started.

The only sound that came out of Erin’s mouth was a nervous laugh, eyes wide. “He’s--uh, he’s--yeah. He’s great.” She cleared her throat, glaring daggers at Alain through the smile forced onto her lips when he needlessly chirped in. “Helpful as always, aren’t you? Why don’t you go say hi to Nic, yeah?” she said, patting Alain’s back extra hard, thankful Nell was there. “They’re adorable!” she answered eagerly. “I’m gonna go see them like--now. I can’t wait. You totally understand, right?” Even if they didn’t, she was already shuffling away. “Excuse me!” She bounced off towards the refreshment table first for some of what she hoped was alcoholic “Gator”-ade. A little surprised at the crowd that had gathered around the baby animals, but she supposed not even a big group of guys like this could resist. “Is this the designating hiding spot?” She teased and watched them scurry around, taking large sips of the mysterious green drink.

Skylar laughed a little at Rio's statement, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly. "Mhm, it's a really big place. I have no idea places like this even existed in White Crest, but I'm really lucky to have a place to stay." She said. "Thanks, it was mostly Nell. She really outdid herself. I like the hair, by the way. It looks really cool." She said with a thumbs up. With his pink hair, Rio almost looked like he'd stepped out of an anime or something. It honestly suited him-- and Blanche as well.

Lord, there were even presents. Cold beer in hand, Nicodemus grunted a greeting to those he passed by as he wandered over to the baby gators. He took a moment to raise his beer at Adam with a slight grin. Gingerly, Reptile Rick placed one in the palm of his hand, its small head resting on the hunter's wrist. Large reptilian eyes stared at him and he stared back. A true, blue genuine smile brightened his face for a hot second before he glanced over at the others. "They're, uh, real fuckin' gentle and shit," he said. Reptile Rick looked on in approval, the string of his fishing hat bobbing slightly. "...Thanks for comin', I 'spose. Didn't really know all this shit was happenin'."

Adam sees Rio being all pink with Blanche and Skylar and gives him a knowing wink and encouraging thumps up and highly evocative penetrative pantomime with his hands. Fellow Hunter dude thus no doubt encouraged and full of manly vitality, Adam return to drinks and watching Nic be Crocodile Dundee.

Nell nodded enthusiastically as Erin made her exit, not blaming her in the least for wanting to check out the little gators. She'd already spent some time with them before the party had started, and was letting everyone else get their fill, now. "I completely understand she offered with a chuckle before watching the other women head over. Adam's motion catching her eye, she wasted no time in heading his way to make herself a drink as well, glad that the party seemed to be going well enough. "You're going to make them match their pink hair," she said to the man with a little smirk, always amused by his antics.”

Alain forced a smile at Nell. It was not that he disliked her, but... Ok, it was exactly that, but it appeared that she had at last decided to be an adult. It would have been a shame if he ruined all her efforts. "Wait, Erin, you can't just..." He protested, and rather than sticking with Hunter, who would probably whine about his ex wife again, he followed after Erin to have a look at the baby alligators. If the question of how those things got here crossed his mind, he figured that the answer probably would be too shady for his liking. And... there was too much people here for his liking. Obviously. Who could blame them. Alright, then maybe he wouldn't bother Erin some more. Taking a deep breath, the hunter contemplated leaving. He had dropped the present, said Happy birthday. His job here was done, right? This was about then that he noticed Skylar on the other side of the room, with Orion, with... pink hair? Waving politely at them, he walked away from the alligator loving crowd to join them.

"Hey you know whatever gets that three-way rocking," Adam affirmed to Nell before drowning a drink like as if were a raindrop in a desert. "Maybe they like cotton-candy everywhere?" He blinked his way after the next drink slammed his brain. "So how do you know Bad Santa?"

Kaden was definitely not telling the baby alligator what a good boy it was in French when he realized Erin and Nic had joined them in the reptile corner. "Must be. Sorry, I said surprise once, that's all you get," he told Erin. "Happy birthday," he said as he watched the baby gator scuttle in Nic's hand. "I'd say you got a better theme than my party." It was nice, seeing a weirdly functioning just nice party for a hunter of all people in this hell hole town. Weird as hell, but nice.

"Thanks for inviting us, really. This place is great! I love Nic and he deserves a really good party," Blanche said brightly, brushing a piece of hair out of her face. She still couldn't believe the two of them dyed it pink. Wild. "And thanks. I think we mastered the art of impulsive twenty year old." If only it didn't end with the both of them killing something. She had caught Adam doing something out of the corner of her eye and made a face. "Anyway, I totally want to pet a gator and the dog at some point. Also, Skylar, you don't have an aversion to Little Debbie's Muffin's, do you?"

Nell snorted into her drink, not exactly discouraging Adam from his conception of the three-way. After all, what kind of best friend would she be if she didn't let Blanche get teased about sex? And she also wouldn't mind poking a small bit of good-natured fun at Skylar and Rio. In true mature fashion, she tucked her drink under her arm for a moment to bring her hands together in the shaped of a heart, capturing the three of them in the center of it. "I can smell it brewing now. If they don't serve cotton candy at the wedding...I'm not going." It took her a moment to figure out who Bad Santa might be, but it had to be the birthday boy...right? "Do you mean Nic? Because I'm here for that nickname, even without explanation."

Skylar nodded at Blanche, "For sure! He really does. I wanted to do something fun for him, you know? I feel like everyone could use a little fun right now." She said, not noticing the way her expression changed. She also didn't notice Adam's gesture, which was probably for the best. "Dundee should be around here somewhere-- I'm trying to keep him away from the baby gators. Hm? I mean... I'm allergic to gluten, so I'm kinda averse to most baked goods." She said with a little shrug before noticing that Alain had walked over. "Oh! Hi! Thanks for coming! I'm glad you were able to make it." Skylar said with a grin. "We've got games, there's plenty of beer, whiskey, and lots of food in the kitchen."

Adam sighed with a feigned dramatic wistfulness, "Well, Nic's Hunter powers activated when he was just a mall santa, down on his luck and scaring kids. But then vampires attacked some of the other Santas, and after a long investigation of Snow globes the kids watched in horror as Santa tore apart one of the elves, thus the Hunter known as Nicodemus was born." Adam nodded solemnly as before quaffing a drink.

Orion saw Adam wink at him and his cheeks immediately burst into flames. His face must be all sorts of shades of red at the moment, but he tried to ignore it and focus on the conversation instead. “Thanks! Blanche gets all the credit for the idea, but I’m surprised by how much I like the pink hair.” It was weird and fun and crazier than anything he had ever done, which was a welcome change. He waved at Alain and glanced over at the snacks and drinks that Skylar had mentioned, “Turns out, the Gatorade is in fact not gatorade and is alcoholic. I found out the hard way.” By that, he meant that he had taken a drink of it and immediately spit it back into the cup from the surprise. “But it tastes good.” Ish.

By now, Nell felt fairly adept at judging when Adam was going to launch into his ever-famous renditions of obviously very true and perfectly accurate stories, and a grin split over her lips as this one met her ears. "Please tell me there are pictures of this. I could put it on next year's cake. Does he still have the costume?" Against possibly all expectation, the thing that made her almost choke on her drink was the revelation of Nic's full name. She'd simply assumed it was...Nicholas or...something normal. "Nicodemus?? As in a wannabe Roman emperor?" She couldn't wait to hold that one over Nic's head.

Adam affirmed that he was sure Nic still had the costume, just in case it fell to him to defend Christmas from Dracula. "Was more goin for Pharisee from the Bible, or the leader of the Rats of Nim, but yup"

Alain smiled at the three of them, his eyes lingered on Blanche and Orion's hair color. "...That's... cheerful." He shook his head with amusement. Oh well, if it made them happy. "Did you name one of the alligators after Nick Dundee?" His eyebrows raised. Oh well, he knew people who had named their dog Orion. Looking in the direction of the drinks and food he grimaced. "Oh no, I'm fine I don't really drink alcohol anymore," apparently embarrassed, the hunter rubbed at the back of his head and shrugged. "Gatorade and taste good in the same sentence, I don't know," memories of a terrible night with Blanche and Nic was brought back to him and he laughed a little as he glanced at Blanche.

Erin didn’t know what he was saying, but Kaden was saying it soft enough that it seemed close enough to a ‘coo’ as a grown man could get. She didn’t interrupt, him or Nic as he held one and grinned like a kid. Just admired the way the baby gators had managed to melt the hearts of everyone almost instantly. She’d be lying if she wasn’t right there with them. “It’s gonna be a hard theme to beat, that’s for sure,” she nodded at Kaden. “I’ll leave you guys alone with your new friends,” she said with a grin, like she was in on their secret. A blast of pink was the first thing she spotted when she grabbed another drink. “Whoa. You’re going to wake the dead with that hair,” Erin smirked over at Rio. Boss-brain would’ve been scorning him right about now but she looked past it. It was a party and she was drinking green mystery juice. She didn’t have a lot of room to judge. After listening in a moment, she pointed towards Blanche mid-drink. “Wait, is this the infamous Blanche?”

Adam murmured to Nell, "Looks like word's gotten around about B.H."

Red took a few pictures of the animals to send to Artie, hoping their wife would show Violet. If they had known, maybe they would have brought the kid with them, but then again she was the perfect excuse to leave if Red needed a quick excuse. “Gotta day this birthday is a lot easier to handle than the last.”

Shaking her head, Nell quickly said, "I don't know what the hell a rat of Nimh is but— the Bible thing makes sense. I just feel like with a name like that, he could have definitely stabbed Caesar. She watched as Erin seemed to recognize Blanche, not exactly surprised. "What can we say she's a popular gal who with the hair of a a troll doll. Who wouldn't have heard about her? A very pretty troll doll."

Adam shook his head. "They make dolls of trolls? But they're too fucking hideous for kids. ...and Blanche is waaay hotter then a troll."

Skylar chewed the inside of her cheek when she realized that Alain didn't drink-- oh no. "Um, we also have water and soda in the fridge. And the food turned out great, I was out grilling earlier and the steak turned out really nice, if you ask me." She said hoping that the offering of non-alcoholic beverages and food would gloss over her little misstep there. Tilting her head, at the Dundee comment, she blinked. "Oh, no. Dundee is the name of Nic's dog. There he is right now." She said, pointing to the little chihuahua who had plonked down onto the couch and had curled up into a little ball for a nap.

Blanche almost snorted when Alain complained about the gatorade, biting back a comment about how if he didn't want to drink gatorade maybe he shouldn't have gotten so drunk that she and Nic had to baby him. "I'll take some of the jungle juice. Or beer." She said brightly. She was just about to go get some when someone pointed her out. WHat - "Infamous - wait. Oh! Erin!" Blanche recognized her from Regan's facetime. "Hey! You act like I'm a walking tornado." Blanche thought for a second and them sheepishly shrugged. ".... You got me."

Nell wasn't entirely surprised that Adam hadn't heard of troll dolls. Most likely his toys growing up had all been outfitted with flamethrowers or something. The only flamethrowers she'd had growing up were her sisters. "No it's like- they're little pudgy baby dolls with funny colored hair. Blanche is definitely hotter than either though. Can confirm that." Nell took the opportunity to wave over at the other pink-haired person...Rio. "Hey! What'd you guys use to dye your hair anyway?"

Adam nodded, "Heya guys, digging the K-pop look."

Orion picked up on Blanche’s name and laughed when he heard what Adam and Nell said. “This just in, Blanche is hotter than a troll” Rio leaned close to Blanche and repeated, smiling as he said it. It was nice hearing with Blanche knowing about him being a hunter. He didn’t have to shy away from explaining his super hearing to her. But he immediately slunk away when he realized that Nell and Adam were joining the group. His boss and now Adam too? Oh boy. “I uh- we uh- I” Rio stammered, trying to form a coherent sentence, “Hey there.” He settled on, greeting his boss and Nell and Adam that had joined the group. “Uh thank you! I don’t know actually, Blanche bought the dye.”

Alain scratched at his cheek. The last thing he wanted was to make Skylar uncomfortable over something she couldn't have known. "Hey, it's fine. It's okay. I look forward to that," he reassured her, carefully patting her shoulder. Glancing over his shoulder to have a look at the dog, he froze when he realized what it was she was referring to. He wrinkled his nose and searched for Nic in the crowd. What the fuck kind of dog was that ? "Well now I have something to roast him about. Thanks Skylar, I will be right back." You bet that he was now making his way to birthday boy. "You didn't tell me you had a ..." Rat? "Dog."

Nicodemus parted from the gators, as hard as it was, and started to head toward the pool. How the hell they got the ambiance going the way it did, he didn't understand. He looked over at Alain and raised a brow. Looked at Dundee who didn't seem at all bothered. "Yeah, came with the fuckin' apartment. Believe that shit," he said, a lot less bothered by it than he had been a week ago. "Wouldn't leave, so fuck it, why not, right?" The last conversation he had with Alain hadn't been pleasant. What he asked hadn't been pleasant, but still, Alain showed. "Thanks for comin'. You knew about this?"

Blanche had definitely been blonde the last time Erin had seen her--brief as it was--but here she was. In the flesh. “No! You’re just--you’re here. I wasn’t sure this day was going to come,” Erin laughed, recalling their almost exclusive online interactions. It suddenly dawned on Erin she was surrounded by almost all of the youths of the crowd, especially when Nell and the other younger kid joined. This felt weird. Time to retreat. She nodded at Rio, “Hair looks good,” she said simply. Nodding at Blanche again as she backpedaled. “Glad to finally meet you, too,” she smiled, then turned to go back and adore the baby gators again with what seemed like the rest of the older party attendees.

Noticing Rio's stammering, Skylar blinked in confusion as the other three approached. Why was he so nervous about them? Was it because the awful bandana? In that case, she couldn't really blame him, it was pretty bad. But, the guy who walked up didn't seem all that strange. With a smile, she waved at him. "I'm Skylar, by the way. Nic's roommate. Nice to meet you." She said. There was quite a bit of conversation going on, so she didn't totally register Alain's words, but the small pat on her shoulder caught her attention. "Oh, bye!" She said with a nod in his direction, and offering a wave when Erin also turned away. People coming and going, all the talking... parties were exhausting.

Adam gave Skylar a once over, and then another look over, neither of which were granted any subtly by the drinks in his system. "I'm Adam, looking good, Skylar," he said walking up. "Heya Oreo, how’s it hanging?"

Skylar didn't like the way that Adam looked at her, nope, nope, no. With a slightly panicked smile, she tilted her head towards the pool of baby alligators. "Mhm... I need to go." She said, adding quickly, "Check on the alligators. Yup. They... need to be watched." They were just little alligators, they wouldn't eat her, right? Walking quickly away, she let out a sigh. All things considered, that had gone well. And Nic seemed like he liked it too, which was all that mattered in her book.

Nicodemus's ears weren't ringing from wolf howls or vampire screaming or some other kinda nonsense. No, it was just people talking. Enjoying themselves. It wasn't...terrible and that was a terrifying thought on its own. There'd be time for the rest of the shit later, unless it came sooner. Town like White Crest, it just might. Being the center of attention was the last thing he wanted but he swallowed it down to try and find a decent place to stand. Idling picking at the soggy label on his beer, he cleared his throat some. A banjo played quietly in the background and he shook his head with a snort. "Uh, thanks for comin'...and shit," he started as he looked around the room. All relatively new faces in his life, but now, familiar. Like Dundee, that didn’t seem to bother him as much anymore. His brow furrowed some. "...Appreciate it. It's, uh--Yeah. Stay as long as you want or at least 'till Dundee or Skye kicks your ass out." A dry laugh sneaked out of him. He glanced at the cutout of John Wayne and Clint Eastwood. They glanced back. The shooting gallery lay beyond. He raised his beer and headed over. “Meanwhile, my ass'll be out on the open range.”

[recurring-polynya]

a little in love now and then, part 7/? | ao3 | ff.net |

Summary: Abarai Renji doesn’t have a fortune, but he does appear to be in want of a wife, at least in Lady Kuchiki’s opinion. Fortunately, Lady Kuchiki also  has a sister, and a woefully eligible one, at that. (itty bitty Hisana Lived! AU)

Rating: T, for minor cussing

This time: The Truth Emerges:   Rukia and Hisana come to an understanding. A few understandings.

Older parts: | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 |

Rukia studied her own face in the mirror as her maid carefully unpinned her hair. She wondered if she was pretty. People told her she was sometimes. Being pretty wasn’t something she usually cared much about. She had two ice-based sword attacks, a third-rank kidou master certification, and was cleared to use shunpo in combat. She was the Fourth Seat of Squad Thirteen, and ever since she came back to duty, her captain had been making vague little hints about the vice-captain’s examination, something he didn’t do toward Kotetsu or Kotsubaki (both of whom she could beat at arm wrestling).

Anyone who wanted to marry her, she had long assumed, was in it for the surname, first and foremost. And who could blame them?

She was pretty sure Renji wasn’t in it for the surname. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

“You have to go, Rukia, they’re your family.”

Rukia chewed the inside of her cheek. She’d grawed over that one for years, like a dog worrying a bone. Why couldn’t he have appealed to her sense of greed? Told her how great the noble life would be, all rich silks and richer food? She could have gone off with a cheeky wink and a mercenary grin. Maybe she could have convinced her family to still let her see him, toss a few favors to someone who had done so much for her in the past. Or maybe she would have just refused altogether, stayed at the Academy, virtuously giving up the fancy life to live according to her own principles. To stay with the only person left of the little family she’d made for herself.

Instead, he had pushed her away, as though the blood that she shared with Hisana had anything on the blood they had spilled for each other, time and again. She loved Hisana now of course, and Touma, and maybe Byakuya, a little, but that was a thing she had decided. A choice she had made-- to give her love to the people who wanted her, instead of the person who didn’t.

But… but maybe she had it all wrong. Maybe Renji had wanted to be the altruistic one, hadn’t wanted to stand in the way of her happiness. Maybe he had just said the first stupid thing that popped into his thick skull. Why had she spent so many years trying to assign meaning to the words of a knuckleheaded boy who used to get stuck trying to jump out of the window of the zanjutsu dojo in his eagerness to catch her attention? More than once, even.

She wondered if he thought she was pretty, either now or back then.

There was a light rap on the door.

Mikan nudged her. “Miss Rukia?”

“Ah, come in?” Rukia called, and Hisana’s face poked into the room. “Oh, hello, Sister.”

“Go have a cup of tea, will you, Mikan?” Hisana dismissed Rukia’s maid. “I want to dote on my sister for a bit.”

“Yes, Lady,” Mikan nodded, setting the last kanzashi on Rukia’s dressing table, and getting up to leave.

“Sooooo,” Hisana drew out, picking up a hairbrush and settling herself behind Rukia. “His manners could use a little work, eh?”

Rukia raised an eyebrow at her sister in the mirror. “Save it for Byakuya. I’m wise to your tricks.”

Hisana grinned mischievously. “So is Byakuya, he just enjoys indulging me.”

“If you believe that, I think he’s finally managed to pull one over on you.”

“Perhaps,” Hisana teased. “But I didn’t come here to talk about Byakuya.”

Rukia set her jaw. Feigning indifference would only play directly into Hisana’s hands. No, directness was her only hope. “He’s not terrible,” she announced. “Abarai, I mean. We both know how terrible Byakuya is.”

Hisana waved a hand dismissively. “Yes, that goes without saying. “Not terrible”? Goodness, I feel like I should order my sister-of-the-bride kimono!”

“Here is my offer,” Rukia plowed on, ignoring this tomfoolery. “I am willing to give Lieutenant Abarai a chance. But in exchange, I need some space. I barely know the man.” She tried to meet her sister’s eyes in the mirror, but Hisana was concentrating on untangling a knot that may or may not have actually existed. “Can you do that? Can you stop throwing lordlings and fancy boys at me for five minutes so I can actually consider one of them?”

Hisana hummed softly. “That seems very reasonable…” she said lightly, and Rukia prepared for the other shoe to drop. “As long as you actually give him a chance, and don’t just use this as a ploy to get me off your back.” Hisana looked up. “You’re very charming, Rukia, when you want to be, and Lieutenant Abarai seems like the sort of upright young gentleman you would rope into helping you pull a grift on your loving sister.”

“Hisana!” Rukia squawked. “He is neither upright, nor a gentleman, and also, I would never pull a grift on you!”

Hisana’s eyes were steely in the mirror. “That’s a rather harsh thing to say about someone you just met. And we both know there’s nothing shameful about an honest, well-executed grift.”

Rukia sighed. Well, she had been looking for an opportunity. It wasn’t a good one, but at least it was an opportunity. “Er, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

Hisana cocked an eyebrow. “Has there?”

Rukia picked up one of her kanzashi, adorned with a green and white water lily. She fiddled with it, running her thumb over the smooth enamel. “It wasn’t lying. I don’t know Lieutenant Abarai very well. But, er… this isn’t… exactly… the first time we’ve met.”

“He was involved in your rescue, no? And something about jail?”

Rukia pressed the pads of her finger over the sharp points of the hairpin. “Ye-esss. That’s all true. But also…” She took a deep breath and then forced the words up from her heart and out her mouth at a speed that would have impressed her brother-in-law. “Renji’s from Inuzuri. I knew him there. We came to the Seireitei together, enrolled at the Academy together. I haven’t spoken to him in years. He’s not a stranger, but he might as well be.” There. It was out.

Hisana leaned forward, eyes narrowed. “So, in Inuzuri, would you classify him as just someone you knew, or a friend? Or maybe a… rival?”

Rukia squeezed her eyes shut guiltily. “I may have pulled a grift or two with him!”

Hisana gasped. “Rukia! How could you?”

“I’m sorry, Sister!” Rukia wailed.

“How?” Hisana wailed in return, with the vibrato of a professional actress. “How could my own sister underestimate me like this?” Her face resolved into a deadpan. “Really, Rukia. They do a little profile in the Bulletin whenever someone new makes Captain or Vice-Captain. It listed Renji’s home district-- as if I couldn’t tell he was from the deep South after thirty seconds of talking to him--cripes, that accent is nostalgic. I also happened to notice that he graduated from school the same year you would have. There’s no way you wouldn’t have known him-- you would have met at the Consolidated Shinigami Recruitment Station, if nothing else.”

Rukia hunched with shame.

“I suspected there was something more to it, though-- why else would a young man like that want to work for your brother?”

“The position was open?” Rukia offered hopefully.

“The vice-captaincy of the Thirteenth has been open for years! He didn’t even apply-- presumably he didn’t want to be your commanding officer--”

“I wish you wouldn’t gossip about me with my captain,” Rukia groaned.

“I wasn’t,” Hisana excused. “We were gossiping about Renji. No, Byakuya came home, very pleased about this absolutely excessive job application he had received, the first day the position was open. Mark my words, Renji was waiting for Shirogane to retire. I bet he even hangs out at that awful sunglasses shop.”

“I don’t know why he does anything,” Rukia excused. “I haven’t talked to him in years. Maybe he has a crush on Brother.”

“Byakuya wasn’t the one he couldn’t keep his eyes off at dinner,” Hisana returned pointedly. “That kimono was a good call, no?”

Rukia wanted to shoot off another sharp-tongued retort, but she came up empty. Had Renji really been looking at her during dinner? She had been too grumpy to pay attention. It was highly likely Hisana was imagining things, or at best, exaggerating, but her stomach fluttered at the thought, anyway.

“Childhood friends, I supposed,” Hisana was grumbling. “Academy sweethearts, possibly. But your old grifting partner! I don’t believe this. I don’t believe you.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Rukia excused, knowing full well it had been exactly like that. “He’s the only other person I ever met down there with any decent spiritual pressure. And he’s painfully honest, he wasn’t even a very good con man.” Somehow this lie seemed more disloyal than anything else she had said about Renji. People were always trusting his stupid, honest face. He was creative and charismatic and had an excellent sense of people. He had never once let her down on a job. The only thing that made him a bad con artist was how much he hated doing it.

Hisana’s face had gone still and serious. “You left him. When Byakuya adopted you.”

“We were already drifting apart,” Rukia sniffed. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t enough to cover the larger truth they were both thinking. Of course she had left him. That’s what we do, isn’t it, Sister?

Hisana was brushing Rukia’s hair a bit too roughly, and Rukia let her. She clenched the hairpin in her fist, letting it bite into her palm.

“You’re very lucky,” Hisana finally said, her voice rough. “To get a second chance. Don’t… don’t make too many assumptions about his feelings. People… can be more forgiving than you expect.”

Rukia didn’t loosen her grip on the hairpin. She wanted to absolve her sister, to tell her she had done nothing wrong. But she couldn’t do that without absolving herself in the bargain, and that wasn't something she had any right to do. She didn’t particularly want Renji’s absolution, either, but maybe that’s what it would take to finally prove to Hisana that she really and truly forgave her. “Fine!” she announced, trying to pull the conversation out of this treacherous territory. “What proof do you want that I am honestly and truly entertaining that overgrown doofus as a romantic prospect? Wear his hair ribbon tied around my arm? Buy matching sunglasses? Smooch him in public? I assure you, Byakuya will hate all of those options.”

Hisana straightened, pulling herself back together as well. “Well, you have to stop calling him a doofus, for one.”

“That, I refuse to do.”

Hisana reached around Rukia to place the hairbrush back on the table, and smoothed her hair one last time with her hand. “Maybe you could just tell me how it’s going once in a while. I hear that’s a thing sisters do sometimes.”

Rukia swallowed. “I can do that.”

Hisana smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She leaned forward, and kissed the back of Rukia’s head quickly before rising. “And don’t you worry about Byakuya. I have him under control.”

“Do you, though?” Rukia asked.

Hisana frowned thoughtfully. “Yes. Whatever you decide about Renji, I’ll bring him around.” She frowned. “But, uh, I’ve been playing a little fast and loose with details, so do me a favor, and try to talk to Byakuya about this as little as possible.”

“That,” said Rukia, “is something I can definitely agree to.”

[lilithsgayadoptednephew]

Holy Hands

Fandoms: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!   Not Rated Graphic Depictions Of Violence F/M, Other Complete Work

Chapter List

Chapter 36

3 months

3 months MC had been gone. Off who knows where doing who knows what. They had been gone without a word, they were probably trapped somewhere. Or worse.

The brothers struggled, but eventually they accepted it. Though they couldn't deny there was a human sized void in their lives that Acacia shouldn't be trying to fill. No matter how much she thought she needed to.

Lucifer never gave up his trust that MC had left with the intention to return. He was, however, starting to believe they may have failed. Now they were unable to come back to him for one reason or another. It made his stomach turn that he'd let them go in the first place.

He should've held them tighter, kept them closer. Under his watchful gaze they'd never be in harm's way, nothing was so bold as to challenge Lucifer nor those under his protection.

Now when he slept he did it alone, colder than stone and twice as harsh were his nights. When he ate he could hardly taste, what was the point if MC wasn't there to cook for him? to scornfully remind him he needed sustenance in the first place.

Technically as a demon he didn't need it as much, but he never forsake a meal, or a nights rest. Even though they were gone he could still hear them telling him he was going to waste away if he didn't take care of himself.

He believed them.

Now he stood on a sheer ocean cliff on Earth. In one hand he held the horn Abaddon had given Simon, in the other he held Acacia's hand.

Since MCs disappearance, Acacia had insisted she be present for any and all planning against Michael. She gripped his gloved hand awkwardly, but she wouldn't be the one to let go. She knew how Lucifer could be devious, and she wasn't going to let him discretely leave her behind.

Lucifer would never do such a thing to someone MC cherished so deeply, but if it made the silly girl feel better than so be it.

After three months of planning and hiding and outright stalling for MCs return, he could no longer ignore that they were in need of help. An unhinged demon with a hoard of terrors at his beck and call would be a big help.

Swallowing his disgust he raised the larger end of the horn to his lips and called for Abaddon.

The horn made a sound like a thousand cicada's chattering in a field. The sound grew so loud with the hissing Acacia had to cover her ears.

The silence that crested after the cacophony was almost as deafening.

They stood on the hill for a few beats. Waiting, listening. It was only when their guards dropped for a moment that a voice from behind them made them jump.

"Tidings"

The two turned suddenly. It was impossible to startle Lucifer, but this man came dangerously close. Yellow eyes seemed to be crusted open, unblinking. His rectangular pupils drawing from one figure to another and back again. He licked his lips absently with a scaly black tongue.

"Two birds on a wire." He said softly. "Why have you flown here? Why have you called me?" He approached them in long rhythmic strides as he spoke. Lucifer cleared his throat.

"The angels stole your hoard for their means, perhaps we can interest you in...revenge?" Lucifer's eyes narrowed at the reclusive demon. The latter just chuckled, it sounded more like clicking.

"Oh Helel...I am not a vengeful creature. If you have want of my assistance you must offer me something more…" He pressed two fingers hard into his temple. His wrist twisting unnaturally away from his skull. "... substantial." Lucifer cringed, he had nothing to his name. "Need a suggestion?" The creep dropped his hand back to his side and tilted one big yellow eye right into Lucifer's face.

"You have a request?" Lucifer kept his cool, though the stench was near unbearable.

"Well I'm sure I could think of something...I waaaaaaaaant…" he spun in a slow circle as he drew out the word. "Hmm….how about that little pet always trotting after you?" He asked innocently. Lucifer wasn't surprised, everyone seemed captivated by MC and this wasn't the first time someone has demanded them. His brothers, Diavolo, Micheal, it was honestly a miracle they weren't kidnapped daily.

He couldn't blame them, he did the same thing did he not?

"That's out of the question." He said calmly. "Think of something else."

"Ah but now I've got my heart set on it Luci!" The proud demon cringed at the way Abaddon used the nickname. "Please?" He grinned an uncannily wide and brown-toothed smile. Acacia looked from Lucifer to Abaddon, surely he wouldn't actually consider the offer.

Lucifer was thinking of something else...had Abaddon ever met MC? Usually people would know them before they wanted them...what did Abaddon want with his human?

"Why?"

"Hm?" Abaddon looked back to him, as if he'd gotten completely distracted in the short time Lucifer was quiet.

"Why do you want MC?" He clarified. He'd never give them up, but his curiosity demanded an answer.

"Oh for the prestige of course!" He yelled. "To have a human pet of my own would make many a demon jealous, especially if it was Lucifer's special human."

Lucifer's stomach turned. Everything about his words was sickening. The way he spoke, the condescending way he said his special human. The intentions he had, and the way he referred to them as it. He shook his head slowly.

"You are a truly depraved bastard and you'll never have contact with them" he almost laughed as he said it. Abaddon just waved one hand at him and hid his oblong face.

"Oh you…" he cooed and Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"Hey!" Acacia spoke up for once.

"Well Luci if you don't pay up you won't get my hel–"

"What is it Acacia?" Acacia looked at Lucifer and released his hand, turning to Abaddon.

"What about me?" Her voice only barely shook. Abaddon didn't know why Lucifer was letting the human chime in, but he decided to humor it.

"And...who are you?" He leaned in close, towering over the girl. His long, greasy locks falling down around his face and hers. Acacia gulped and resisted the urge to back up.

"Acacia what a–" Lucifer was interrupted.

"I am Acacia, MCs sister. I am willing to go with you if a human's what you want so badly." Lucifer's choked on his words at the humans brazenness.

"Ohooooooo!!!" Abaddon crowed and jumped up and down. Clapping his hands excitedly. "A human of my own! Hi he ho!"

"Not quite." She cut him off. Lucifer was shocked by the bargain being made without his input. He should stop Acacia from negotiating with the crafty man. He had to keep her safe for MC while they were gone.

But they needed Abaddon's help, and if MC had taught him anything it was to respect a humans autonomy. Acacia could make her own decisions.

He took a step back and watched the bargain unfold.

"What are you chattering about? No take backs!"

"Nah I'm not taking back anything" she raised her hands in a placating gesture. "But my service isn't unconditional." Abaddon huffed loudly.

"Lucifer y–"

"Ah ah" he stopped the greasy demon. "If you're to be negotiating the life of a human it is only fair you do it with said human."

"What does that mean?"

"It means eyes on the prize bucko" Acacia drew his attention back to her. "You wanna make a purchase you gotta talk to the owner, not the Uber driver who dropped her off." Lucifer decided not to comment on that... unorthodox comparison. Abaddon was amused, but participated.

"Very well, what are your terms, chickadee?" Acacia held up one finger.

"You and your hoard help get back the Devildom." She held up another. "Our contract is nullified in the event of any betrayal or tomfoolery." He rolled his eyes. She held up a third "and it is nullified in the event you no longer want me" she smirked. Abaddon grinned from ear to ear. Literally from ear to ear, his ears almost fell off.

"Is that all?"

"That's it." She confirmed.

Lucifer starred between the two parties. This sounded like a horrible deal. But the confident look not often seen on Acacia's face made him believe she knew what she was doing. He held his tongue.

Abaddon didn't seem to be suspicious, why would he be of a dumb human? He grabbed Acacia's hand and pulled her towards him, turning to Lucifer again.

"Alright, you have my support."

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Merry Christmas Truce!

Merry (late) Christmas @gggoingghost! I’m so sorry this took so long, but I hope you enjoy it anyways! For those wondering, the request was: 

Gggoingghost asked for “Danny with angry eyes, Danny not being able to control his powers, or Danny and Dash post phantom planet messing with each other”

Being myself, I of course had to make a drabble that included pieces of all three. It’s post Phantom Planet and not as long as I wanted, but I hope you enjoy it anyways! Merry Christmas!

                                             ☪ I have a tip jar! ☪

An enraged shriek echoed throughout the halls of Casper High and had most of the students ducking to cover their heads or hide in open doorways. Danny Fenton only watched with pride and amusement as the source of the shriek, Dash Baxter, looked at him with blue hair, skin, and clothes. “Fenton!”

The jock took a single step forward before the warning bell rang and everyone scurried to class once realizing they weren’t about to be attacked by any ghosts. Danny quickly fell in line with the other students and snickered when he heard another enraged yell that secretly covered up what Danny knew was Dash being impressed. This prank had been his best yet, after all.

“Mr. Fenton. Do I have to worry about any ghost attacks interrupting my class today?” Startling at the question, Danny looked to where Lancer was staring at him as if he already knew what Danny had done, which, yeah, that was always creepy.

“No, sir, just a bit of a mishap with Dash’s locker, it looks like.” Danny gave the best ‘I’m a hero and you can trust me!’ smile he could, not surprised when Lancer didn’t even so much as blink. While everyone knew who Danny was, now, Lancer seemed to have known even before then.

“And what sort of mishap did he have, Mr. Fenton?” Lancer was a terrifying human being, Danny decided, and he would not be answering that question.

The late bell cut him off before he could even try, thank God, and Danny instead watched as Dash slid into class with a half second to spare, panting for breath and covered in blue paint. Lancer looked at the paint and then looked to Danny with narrowed eyes.

“If it helps the paint is non-toxic,” Danny put in cheerfully, noticing Dash’s relieved look. He had probably swallowed some, then, but that was why Danny made sure to get the type of paint that dumb children could and would eat!

“Mr. Fenton. You know it’s against school rules for tomfoolery like this. Don’t think you’ll be excused just because of your… town volunteering.” That was a great way of saying Danny chased off rowdy ghosts for a half-living.

“Of course, sir.” Danny took a step back to stand next to Dash before setting his hand on Dash’s shoulder and focusing for a moment on his intangibility. There was a half second where he felt panic at seeing everyone looking at him using his ghost powers, but then he quickly pressed it down when he reminded himself that it was okay, now. “I don’t see any paint on Dash, though.”

The paint slid off and landed in a puddle on the floor, Danny beaming while Dash rolled his eyes with a grumble and walked to his seat. Lancer looked to the puddle before looking back to Danny. Giving it a second of thought, Danny hesitantly tried to phase the part of the floor the paint was on by using his foot and gave an even wider grin when it worked.

“Go take a seat, Mr. Fenton,” Lancer finally sighed with a tone that carried nothing except exhaustion. Danny couldn’t blame him, really. Lancer probably hadn’t expected to one day teach a half-ghost studen

“I take it you and Dash are still on your prank war, then?” Sam asked, half-yawning and trying to look bored as Danny fell into his seat. “His last prank was funny, and you know it.”

“It called for revenge,” Danny said as seriously as he could manage before he gave a snort of laughter. “Besides, you know this is the only way to deal with his weird guilt-tripped hero worship thing that he has going on.”

“I don’t know, man. That week he followed you around like a puppy or something was pretty cool.” Tucker tossed something at Danny that he caught with only a small fumble. “Stop taking your phone into ghost fights.”

“Aw, but Tuck, how else would you experiment with my phone if I didn’t need you to fix it?” Turning the phone on, Danny raised an eyebrow when it actually turned on. “You didn’t forget the power button this time, at least.”

“Hey, genius is all about trial and error!” Tucker looked to Danny with inventor’s pride that quickly vanished after three and a half seconds. “And not staying up until six in the morning. Can we get back to your weird kink thing with Dash?”

“Oh, yes, let’s talk about your weird kink thing with Dash,” Sam chirped more loudly than was needed, Danny knowing with everything in him that this was revenge for something he had done. It was probably because he had pointed out to Sam that her roots were starting to show. “Seriously, though, you two are just pulling on each other’s pigtails, now.”

“Should we talk about your weird kink thing with Paulina, then?” Danny raised his eyebrows, laughing when Sam stuck her tongue out at him with a silly grin. “Seriously, it’s been good. I can get out some aggression issues harmlessly, and he can still mess with me without feeling guilty about the whole bullying thing.”

“It helps that you can get away with using your ghost powers too, I bet, Mr. World Savior.” Wrinkling his nose at the title, Danny looked to Sam and frowned. “Hey, I didn’t come up with that one.”

“You know, I never thought I’d be upset over the fact I saved the world, but that title is really making me rethink things.” Grinning as both of his friends hid stifled laughter, Danny looked back to the front of the room where Lancer wasn’t even trying to corral the class. With summer coming up, Danny couldn’t blame him.

Things had gone back to normal after the mess with that stupid meteorite and Vlad’s stupid plan to get rid of it and Danny’s stupid plan to get rid of his powers- Well, no. Things hadn’t gone back to normal, but they were okay.

Vlad had come back to Earth and had agreed to seal away his powers as he got mental health, the ghosts were starting to cut back on how many times they almost accidentally killed humans, and the town of Amity Park was continuing on as always. The biggest difference for Danny, though, was the fact that everyone in the world now knew who he was.

He remembered Freakshow’s mess and the last time he had been found out, but he supposed saving the world kept the Guys-in-White off his back, at least. His parents had accepted him just like last time, too, and everyone he knew had stood by his side. There was a bit of hero worship he had to deal with as Fenton, now, but nothing bad had happened. The worst was when he and Dash had agreed to continue as normally as possible and Dash then proceeded to shove him into a locker.

Danny, with far too much glee, maybe, had immediately phased back out with a shit-eating grin that had started their current war. It was almost as fun as when he had to deal with the Box Ghost. The biggest difference in this new life, though, was when a wisp of cold air shuddered its way out of him and a few classmates looked back to him with wide-eyed looks.

Raising his hand, Danny waited until Lancer looked over at him before he gave an apologetic smile and pointed at the door. Lancer didn’t even pause in whatever latest pop quiz announcement he was giving as he waved Danny off.

“Good luck,” Sam grinned, propping her cheek up on her fist with a grin as she swung her feet out sideways in her chair to try and trip Danny up. “Feel good?”

“At least I don’t have to worry about attendance anymore,” Danny laughed, bumping fists with Tucker before jumping over Sam’s legs with a laugh and scrambling towards the door. No one yelled at him to stop and blessedly, besides another good look or two, no one cheered or made it into some spectacle.

That panic still gripped him with the cold sensation that took over his body along with the familiar rings of light, but it was easy to push it down as he launched himself into the air and phased straight through to the roof.

There was always that moment where his heart stopped, and he felt nothing except fear when someone looked at him expectedly during a ghost attack, but he knew he’d get over it in time. It was nothing big, after all, no matter what Jazz pestered him about.

“Afternoon there, ghost boy!” At the southern drawl, Danny groaned and looked to where Walker stood with two dozen of his guards. Of all the ghosts to fight, it had to be Walker.

“Hey, Warden Norton, I kind of have school going on, you know! It’s against the rules to skip class and all that!” While most of the ghosts dropped by to ‘spar’ or even ask for advice, there were still ghosts like Walker who were out to take him down for whatever stupid reason they had.

“Speaking of rules, ghost boy, I heard you’ve been breaking some, lately. Weren’t you always keen on hiding that secret of yours?” The slow drawl made Danny’s skin crawl and the truth made it even worse because Walker… was right.

Danny had kept Phantom quiet for a reason, and the biggest was that now if he messed up as Phantom, then the whole town would look to Fenton for an explanation. He was really starting to understand why superheroes had secret identities once he lost his. It wasn’t that he felt guilty or that he didn’t want to help his town, but if something went wrong, then he’d never be able to escape it, although like hell he was going to let Walker know that.

“Come on, Walker, where’s the fun in keeping a secret!” Letting himself float off the roof, Danny grinned as he let energy flow into his hands, palms lighting up with that distinctive glow. There were some days he hated what had happened, but he could never regret it, not after he had lost his powers once. “Well? Are you coming up here or am I coming down there?”

The whole town seemed to hold its breath and Danny watched as Walker’s expression wavered for only a moment. A moment was all he needed. It was nice to know that the other ghosts knew just how strong he had gotten, too.

“Looks like I’m coming down, then.” Right. Deep breath in, hold, and imagine himself moving from one place to another in an instant. A disorientating second of an airless vacuum of nothing and Danny saw white in front of him before he fired a large shot with every scrap of gathered power in his palms.

Walker went skidding back with a grunt and his guards all took startled steps back that caused Danny’s grin to get even wider. There were some days he really, really liked ghost fights.

“Like the new power, Walker?” He had always tried to copy Vlad’s teleportation trick, and he had finally, finally gotten somewhere with it.

“You’re just rarin’ for a fight, aren’t you, ghost boy?” Walker already sounded out of breath and Danny grinned as he stood back up. “Well? Come on, then.”

Ever since his temporary truce with the ghosts he hadn’t really found a need to fight any of them, yet, which he had been thankful for. He had forgotten, though, just how fun it was to use all of his powers.

The cold of his ice powers were now more of a comfort than anything, and it was so easy to freeze all of Walker’s guards and suck them into the thermos one-by-one as he dodged their ‘attacks.’ It was so easy. He could still remember when he hadn’t even been able to defeat Lunch Lady, but it was so easy now.

At least, it was until he got distracted and didn’t notice Walker’s stupid new technology that had him crashing to the ground because fuck that hurt. He didn’t know where that gun had come from, but the red streaks that were still making his body shake didn’t really reassure him.

“You think a pair of red eyes is enough to scare me off, boy?” Walker knew how to use a gun, that was easy to tell just by his stance, and- Wait, hang on. Red eyes?

Glancing to where some of his ice was cracked apart on the ground, Danny blinked at seeing his eyes were indeed flashing between red and green. He knew his eyes could sometimes get red if he was really angry, but he wasn’t angry with Walker, just annoyed. What-

Another blast from that stupid fucking gun had Danny biting off a scream as he pushed himself back into the air and dodged the next blast. “Didn’t know you had to rely on weapons so much, Walker!”

“Why bother wasting my energy on you, boy?” Walker smirked, and Danny had a half second to wonder what was about to happen before Bullet was behind him and slamming his stupid weapon into his back. Another shot was fired, and Danny knew a second before it hit that this shot hadn’t been aimed at him.

The Fenton Thermos he had now that had lasted for the longest time yet, but one shot from that gun and it cracked apart before shattering into pieces, metal shards hitting the ground as the ghosts that Danny had managed to capture went shooting out back to their places behind Walker, the ghost meeting Danny’s eyes and smirking.

“Alright, then.” Now he was angry.

Pushing himself away from Bullet, Danny dragged up his ice powers and started freezing as many guards as he could, this time encasing more than just their feet.

“Gettin’ angry now, ghost boy? That’s what those red eyes of yours mean, don’t they?” Just ignore him. Danny wasn’t going to resort to his fourteen-year-old self and start attacking anytime someone yelled at him. He was sixteen and had been at this for two years, now. “How long you think you can put off that future of yours?”

This time, the icy feeling that stole Danny’s breath away and stopped his heart wasn’t his own. Shock, pure and overpowering, filled him as he looked over to Walker. The man had never looked more smug.

“What was the name of that their future of yours, Phantom? Dan, wasn’t it?” Something heavy crashed into Danny’s back and sent him crashing down towards the pavement in front of Walker, Danny fighting back a scream as he heard some cracks from his back. “Eyes open, kid, I’m not done with you, yet.”

“You’re going to wish you were,” Danny grunted out, pushing himself up, energy sparking into his hands as he looked up to Walker. “Who told you that.” It wasn’t much of a question. He knew exactly who could find out about Dan and who would spread it as far and wide as possible.

“What can I say, it looks like we have the same therapist.” Fucking Spectra. “She had quite the story to tell about you, ghost boy. Handy that power of hers, isn’t it? Seeing one’s greatest fears. I bet she had a field day with you when it came to being afraid of yourself.”

“That’s none of your business, Walker.” Dan. It always came back to Dan. Of course that man was on Danny’s mind when he ran into Spectra a couple weeks ago. How could it not be? The world knew who he was and the world was always watching. If Danny were to slip up now, then there would be no redemption. There would be no chance of going back.

Danny had asked. He had flown to Clockwork the day after he had come out to the world and he had asked if something went wrong if he could turn back time. There were limits even to time control, it seemed. Clockwork couldn’t change an event that had been seen by the entire world. Not even the reality gauntlet would have been able to do that. There were limits to it all and Danny had long since passed those.

If something went wrong, then there would be no going back. If he became Dan the way things were now… they would never be the same. Things would never be the same.

“How’s it feel, boy, to know the entire world has its eyes on you? Makes it awfully easy to slip up, doesn’t it?”

For a second - a single second - Danny saw the green energy in his hands flicker into a dark red. It was enough for him to lose his focus on the power and for Walker’s guards to fire at him.

By the time he managed to get a shield around him, he felt like Dash and the entire football team had just found out Danny had ruined their lives and took it out on him. Walker hadn’t been a real threat in a while, but damn if Danny wasn’t remembering just how dangerous he could be.

“Is that all you got, boy!” The taunting roar seemed to echo through the air, and Danny slowly grinned. If Walker wanted to scream, then Danny could scream right back.

“I’m only just starting.” Sucking in as deep a breath as he could, Danny dropped his shield the exact same time he began to scream, or, really, wail. His ghost powers made it so his hearing automatically disappeared when he used this power, and he couldn’t even begin to try and keep his eyes open, but he knew it was working just by the sheer power he felt built up around him.

By the time he managed to close his mouth he was panting, but he still felt like he could keep the fight going if he had to. He really was getting better with… Ah. 

“You know, typically when I give the cold shoulder, I don’t do it this way.” A weak joke even for him, but Danny was distracted by the fact that almost an entire city block seemed to look like winter had struck early.

All the buildings were covered in ice and snow, and the road appeared to be cracked or even broken in some places. The city was probably going to yell at him for damages again or something, but, well, at least Walker wasn’t a problem, anymore? He was also nowhere in sight.

“Right. Well!” Danny nervously looked around, floating back into the air. He should probably get home and get a new thermos, first. Before he could even think about that, though, it suddenly felt like all the air had been stolen from his lungs and the entire world was plunged into darkness.

Before he could even panic properly, Danny gasped for breath as he saw he was… in his bedroom. He teleported? No. He hadn’t even tried. Did someone else teleport him? That could be bad. He needed to get back to Sam and Tucker and-

Darkness surrounded him, and he couldn’t breathe, and it was the exact same second of nothing, and then Danny was yelping as he was falling out of the air and landing on top of a large wooden desk and grunting as his head was the one part of him that didn’t hit the wood. He couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or not, yet, and, oh. It was Lancer’s desk.

Blinking back as the entire classroom stared at him, Danny cleared his throat before giving what might have been an upside down and possibly concussed wave. “Hi, guys. How’s the pop quiz so far?”

Right. He might have a problem.

[murder-cate-wrote]

Something I wrote for a friend. RusPrus, part of a larger, unspecified domestic au that I haven’t quite figured out myself. 

Enjoy.

Ivan rushed through the door. He tossed his bags haphazardly into their allotted corner, just past the entrance way. He heard the awkward rattle of an unsteady object nearly toppling over; it was the coat rack, which Ivan had flung his book-laden canvas and hand stitched satchel at. Ivan froze at the sound, staring in sheer horror as the treacherously tall and clumsy coat rack almost fell like an oak felled by a storm.

However, the rack did not fall, and settled back into place with one last rattle.

As soon as Ivan knew that the rack was out of danger, he released his breath and slumped over. He half wished his body would just let his legs go limp beneath him, the fall knocking him out cold. If he could've fallen exactly as the coat rack almost had, Ivan might be happy. But some primal message in the back of his brain stopped his legs from breaking down, and some other lurking voice laughed at him for this flaw.

Of course the first thing that Ivan did upon returning home would be almost making a big, ugly mess. Naturally.

There was nothing quiet about Ivan. Not the way that his feet dragged or stomped on the laminate wood floor, nor the way that he muttered under his breath and cursed many, many undeserving things on soft bits of air. Especially not the way that he finally got fed up with it all; trying to organize his thoughts and sort out what goes where.

What book did he need to look over, what questions that went along with the section? He didn't care. What project needed his attention, what piece was next in line? He didn't care. What about himself, what to eat, drink? Maybe a shower? Pajamas even?

Ivan didn't care.

He trundled into his small, though very well kept, bedroom. The door slammed behind him, and Ivan winced as he heard the walls tremble. He casually flopped down on the bed, dragging himself towards the middle, where a slight indent in the shape of his body indicated his favorite spot to rest. The bed groaned uncomfortably under his weight. The blankets had been well made before Ivan laid down and mussed them, and were rather stunned that someone was already in bed at this hour. It wasn't even quite dinner time; the sun still above the horizon, and yet someone occupied the bed. Either way, the thick, floral blankets had little say in the goings on of life. They silently accepted the staunch, unmoving occupation.

Ivan himself was surprised as well. This morning, he had left the room in utter disarray. Now, it was spotless. Of course it was, Gilbert couldn't stand a mess. And with a free day to do as he pleased, it seemed as if nothing pleased Gilbert more than simple chores and menial tasks that most people considered torturous.

Ivan had woken up early that morning, nerves shredded to bits at the thought of the day ahead. He had spent quite some time picking out what to wear, making a fiasco out of something so trivial. That little shirt and pants parade of his left various articles of clothing strewn about the room, Ivan much too nervous to worry about putting them away. It was as if he forgot about them until he was already gone from the house, unable to go back and put them away like he should have in the first place. It wasn't just that... Ivan remembered knocking a few things off of a shelf in his panic, some little picture frame or odd trophy, neither of which belonged to him. And, no, he hadn't bothered to pick either of those up, seeing as he was much too worried about himself to bother.

The memory summoned a rather hollow, dark feeling in his chest.

Ivan had made another mess the moment he had entered his apartment that evening. A clutter which Gilbert would come home to from whatever little escapade he was out on and gladly remedy. He would never mention it to Ivan, and probably wouldn't ever think about it again himself. Perhaps it was this quiet, peaceful acceptance that drew up a deep blame in Ivan. It was like the fault lines between the tectonic plates, slowly ripping Ivan apart.

He fell asleep, draped limp across the whole bed, flat on his stomach. It was a position comparable to one that an investigator might find the victim of a murder in.

~

Gilbert frowned, the edge of a snarl curled on the edge of his frustrated huff. He switched his truck into park, and slammed his hand on the steering wheel as if to prove to himself just how irritated he was. He snatched a box of pizza from the passenger's seat, then practically kicked open his door. He didn't really care for the truck that much- it was just an old red ford, with its fair share of dents and scratches- this physical abuse didn't even begin to make him feel guilty. He'd be getting rid of it soon anyhow. Maybe his brother would like it for his apprenticing shop, use it to teach the kids a few things.

Jumping down from the cabin of his truck, Gilbert slammed the door closed, relishing the clatter of metal slapping metal. It was chaotic and mindless and beautiful.

Unlike his mother, who had just spent the better half of an hour subjecting him to her own special mix of mental torture- a creative blend of his current shortcomings mixed with those of his past, all being communicated over the phone.

Yes, Gilbert had muttered. He remembered how he always forgot to do the dishes or take out the trash and yes, he was on top of that now, no need to fuss... and what was that? His grades? Hell, how had she even gotten ahold of those? Oh, yeah, Gilbert himself had sent her a short documentation via email, as his mother had requested when he first began attending college. A monthly report so that she could keep an eye on her little boy, and make sure that he was okay.

Like hell she did. She didn't give a damn, she didn't care! She was a control freak that exploited every single one of his flaws and never acknowledged any of his successes beyond a light pat on the back. She bitched and bitched and never thought one that perhaps some of Gilbert's issues were not with him, but with his mental affliction. Then again, Gilbert's mother didn't believe that ADHD existed anyhow, so why bother hoping that she might see it one day and get off his back?

Gilbert sneered, but quickly lost the glare in his eye as he caught sight of a moth fluttering around the dully glowing scone outside his apartment door. That was on the second floor, and Gilbert hadn't even reached the stairs yet. So that was one big fucking moth.

"Damn," Gilbert muttered, utterly amazed by the size of the moth. "Mothman's cousin must be trying to move in or something."

A mew to his right caught Gilbert's attention next, and he quickly looked down to face this new creature.

"Ah!" He cried in delight. "Mothman!"

Mothman, the amber eyed black cat, blinked lazily and meowed again. He was not looking at Gilbert, but at the pizza box he carried. Gilbert snorted. "Oh, don't even try and use me, cute face. It might work on softie, but not me. Besides," Gilbert squatted down, careful to hold the pizza out of Mothman's reach. "This is the good stuff, ya know? Not to brag, but it ain't Little Ceasar's. Cost me more than a couple pennies outta my own pocket, catch my drift?"

Mothman wound around Gilbert's legs, and all at once the tension melted off of his skin. His mother could go softly fuck herself for as much as he cared. Mothman was absolutely right, Gilbert thought as he stroked the cat with his free hand. There was no reason she should get up under his skin like that. Certainly no reason that she should make him so mad that he hurt someone else, aside from the truck that was used to the odd beating.

"Ah, fine." Gilbert laughed, giving Mothman one last, good cheek scratch. "I'll see if I can sneak out some for ya. For now, I gotta get up to the room. Ciao!" The last word, a farewell in an unfamiliar language, was spat out as cooly and stupidly as Gilbert could manage. He laughed at his own tomfoolery, while Mothman seemed to roll his stunning eyes.

Up the stairs Gilbert dashed, with his keys rattling in his pocket and the pizza expertly balanced on his hand. It was not long before he had reached his respective door, although he was rather disappointed to find that the moth he had spotted was long gone. Twisting the key in the lock, Gilbert shoved the door open with a quick yell. "Dinner is here!"

Upon receiving no reply, and observing the assorted books, folders, and sketchpads scattered on the table, a small, sad frown took over Gilbert's face.

"Bad day, huh?" He asked no one in particular.

He quickly found the bags that went with the various school supplies, and put them away as best as he could. The pizza had been set on a free spot on the table, which was clear after Gilbert had finished his small task. It was long forgotten by then, as was any hunger that nagged at Gilbert. His mother, surely, would've lectured him about eating consistent meals. But her son didn't hear her voice echoing in his head that evening.

There was nothing loud about the way that Gilbert moved. Not the way that his feet silently padded across the rug, nor the way that small concerns fluttered in and out of his thoughts. Especially not the way that he entered the shadowy bedroom, kneeling down beside it and resting his chin on the edge of the mattress.

Evening had long since claimed the sky, along with soft, unimposing clouds. The light from the half shuttered window was grey and calm. Gilbert could've fallen asleep then and there. He had, several times before in similar situations. But Ivan wasn't sleeping this time. Gilbert could tell by how the other man curled into himself, and by the anxiety that poured off his skin like a river of blood from an unseen wound.

Now, all Gilbert had left to do was be patient. Ordinarily, for Gilbert, this was like asking him to hike Mount Everest in a single day.

But for Ivan? God, he'd sit still for a week. He'd meditate and make peace with his mother and any number of ungodly things that Ivan would never ask of him. Gilbert grinned, lopsided. Ivan would never ask anything like that, even though he knew that Gilbert would act upon the whim of his word. How kind of him, honestly.

No, Ivan only asked for simple things.

Usually, forgiveness.

"Sorry." Ivan croaked. His voice was strained, absolutely pitiful. Usually, it had such a clear, golden tone, which floated up to a soprano's pitch. Gilbert admired it for its irregular beauty. Now it nearly made him want to cry.

But he didn't let the grey light and soft apology ruin him. He smiled wider, creeping up a bit further onto the bed, half on-half off. With his chin perched upon his hand, Gilbert said, "what for?"

Ivan shallowly shrugged. "The mess. 'm sorry."

"Nah," Gilbert swallowed hard before going on. "That wasn't a big deal. You know that. I tell you every time you supposedly 'make a mess'. It was my day off, and I should be thanking you, rather than you coughing up this... what should we call it this time?"

"Sob story?" Ivan offered.

"Yeah, this sob story... Like I was saying, I should be thanking you. I would've gone insane today with nothing really to do, so you helped me. Honest. You kept me sane, Ivan. As usual. You don't gotta be so glum about it for my sake, okay? You're good, you're good..."

Here, Gilbert paused. His mouth was half open as his tongue tried to come up with more words to fill the empty space of the swiftly darkening room. His eyes caught sight of the dim portraits the clung to the walls of the room. Pictures that he had taken. Mostly from his trip to Europe. The Coliseum in Rome, the Brandenburg Gates in Germany, a random bridge in France, a few sheep in the U.K....

"Hey." Gilbert whispered, a new thought having come to mind. He was proud of it, in fact, seeing as it was one that contained a slim memory which he expected himself to have forgotten. Yet, there it was.

Ivan grunted, permitting him to continue.

"How was that presentation today, eh?" Gilbert raised up, excited to hear. The thought that perhaps this was what caused Ivan's off mood never occurred to him. Not until Ivan groaned and rolled over. By then, it was too late for Gilbert to take his words back and take a more sensitive approach.

"Oh, God." Ivan nearly sounded like he was in tears right then and there. He sat up, and looked far more miserable than before. Gilbert couldn't tell for the dim light, but he hoped that tears hadn't already stained his cheeks. "It was so awful, Gil. So, so bad..."

"Hey, hey...!" Gilbert nearly jumped on the bed, trying to reverse his imperceptive mistake. Now even with Ivan, he searched the other's face once again for the stains left by tears... if Ivan had cried, that meant he had also...

Relief washed over Gilbert, a wave of ease relaxing his muscles. Searching his face, searching his arms, Ivan hadn't gone and done something stupid, he hadn't hurt himself.

"You couldn't have done bad." Gilbert whispered, and took Ivan's hands in his own. Ivan turned his face away and hid behind the shadow of his hair. "You prepared for so long. I know you did well."

"No." Ivan protested. "No, I didn't. I stuttered and I froze up and I forgot half of what I was supposed to say. I forgot my own story, Gil, the story I've been working on for most of the semester."

"Yeah," Gilbert leaned over, trying to find Ivan's face and meet him with another smile. "And I forget my own first name sometimes. Trust me, Ivan, I've been watching you work. You did awesome, I know it."

"You just said you don't know your own first name. How could you know anything about how I did, huh?" Ivan frowned, turning ever so slightly only to see Gilbert's wide grin. He nearly lost the grip he had on his glower.

"I said I forgot my name sometimes, not that I didn't know it." Gilbert corrected, bringing one of Ivan's limp hands up to his lips. He planted a quick kiss on Ivan's palm, which surely tickled the skin. Ivan jerked his hand back in surprise, and even in the low light, Gilbert caught sight of the dull red color on Ivan's cheeks.

"One thing I'll never forget, though, is that you do good work, Ivan. Who gives a damn if you get nervous sometimes? It happens. Your professor wasn't looking for an intensive speech on controversial topics, she was just looking to see the progress you made on your story board over the semester. I know for a fact that she's impressed. You put your soul into that thing, it's seriously impressive. You're really, really good at putting your ideas and images on paper, seriously. You don't even need to speak! Your art has a voice of its own. Just you wait until you go in tomorrow. I bet she'll say something to you about how fantastic it was." Gilbert finished, hesitantly awaiting Ivan's reaction.

He saw no real change in expression, only a small twinkle in Ivan's eyes. "I guess she will," Ivan murmured, and Gilbert felt elation spread through his veins. Had Gilbert really, finally convinced Ivan that he was as amazing as he knew he was?

"She will because you'll slip her a twenty, or make some shady deal. Scoundrel." Ivan added, and Gilbert tilted his head back and belted out in a cackle.

"Me?" Gilbert asked, recovering from his fit. His expression mimicked absolute astonishment. "Why, I'd never!"

Ivan just shook his head. Though a soft smile lit up his lips, Gilbert wasn't quite satisfied with that temporary change. It would be gone much too soon.

He laughed softly once more, then cleared his throat. Now, his voice had a far more serious, almost stern tone, that caught Ivan's attention. "Listen, Ivan, please don't be so tough on yourself. I bet no one even noticed that you stuttered or forgot anything. When I used to play for concerts, I thought every time I messed up that everyone in the audience knew. Well, the thing is, those suckers didn't know jack. And still don't. That's just the game. I know what's going on and what's supposed to happen, and they, the audience, can only assume that what happens is what's supposed to happen. You gotta own that sometimes, you know? You gotta own your errors, even if they haunt you when you sleep. Sometimes, it's better to pretend like you have ugly little children... but you still love them, yeah? Even though they're ugly...."

Ivan stared for a moment, then broke down in his own laughing fit. He allowed himself to fall backwards, landing on his back with a soft 'oof.'

"Where do you come up with this stuff, Gil?" He asked quietly, rubbing a hand across his face.

Gilbert crawled over to meet Ivan's eyes. His own were half lidded, as if he were dreaming. And his smile had curled into more of a devious smirk, as if he knew that he had gotten his way and won the battle. "Well, my mother always told me that my mouth was like a hallway, directly connected to my ass."

Ivan snorted. "Yeah, yeah, I know all about her and what she used to say... what do you think, though?"

Gilbert tapped his chin, feigning a period of silent thought. In reality, he had his answer within a moment. "It's the combination of our unique brilliance, that's what I think."

"Maybe you're just crazy, and I really haven't been keeping you sane at all." Ivan offered, shutting his eyes.

"Maybe." Gilbert creeped a bit closer, sitting right up against Ivan's side. "Maybe I don't care."

With that, Gilbert leaned down and connected their lips in a kiss that felt like the gentlest car crash to ever take human lives. He was perhaps a bit rough and silly, but then Ivan smiled against him and this was too enticing not to treat with some amount of seriousness. Gilbert felt himself pulled by a strong arm flush to Ivan's chest, and brought his own hand up to wind his fingers through Ivan's silken hair. A warmth as sure as death shuddered through his body, but Gilbert didn't give a damn if it meant he was on the road to hell or otherwise. This, all of it, was well worth its weight in gold, and then some.

Ivan was the first to break away. He blinked a few times but didn't say a word. His eyes were as soft as his lips, calm and satiated. In and of itself, this was an expression of gratitude that simple words couldn't express.

Then, he hugged Gilbert tight, offering no hope of escape. Gilbert accepted this with a strained, amused wheeze, his face afire and tongue in awe of the Ivan's subtle taste. Settling down and tucking his head as best as he could beneath Ivan's chin, Gilbert continued to absently work the tangles out of Ivan's hair. Ivan hardly noticed the occasional tug; he was simply entranced by how delicate and sensitive Gilbert's touch was. It was a ritual, and Ivan was the fortunate victim.

"Hey." Gilbert whispered.

Ivan hummed, giving permission for Gilbert to go on.

"I just thought of something else I'll never forget. Never, ever. You ready for it?"

"What's that?"

"I'll never forget how much I love you."

[kalimaindigopriestess]

I’m not helping people anymore...

Let me explain: I refuse to have my time wasted anymore. Meaning if people want to work with me they are going to have to show me that they have some integrity or go fuck themselves. 

I get into a lot of trouble for speaking my mind and venting when I’m angry. However I live by my own code and I check myself so I know where I need to pull it together, and so no one else has to check me. 

With that said a lot of the advice I give others applies directly to me, I am not excluded. What I am is real tired of “victims.” Aka everything is everyone else’s fault or they want people to share blame so that they can feel better about themselves. 

Do you know how many times I’ve had to scrape myself off the floor when I played myself? And I knew it was my own damn fault and that I needed to do better. What I’ve learned is that there are a lot of grown folks that really have zero interest accepting any fucking accountability for their behavior, and I’m done with the shit. 

I’m over people crying when you call them out on their bs. I am as no nonsense as I am because I used to have that same slave mentality of being the victim and woe is me why is everyone ruining my day, mentality. And it’s bullshit. 

I’m over people who constantly need coddling and reassurance when they fuck up. 

I’m over people expecting me to fix and coddle and reassure and give them attention they are not entitled to. 

I’m over people making demands of my time and energy (we’ll get into the spiritual aspect of this in a minute). 

I’m over entitled, dusty motherfuckers. Both women and men. 

I’m over being used by people who have insecurities and a lack of integrity. 

I’m over supporting people  who end up resenting me for it. 

Time and time again, and at the loss of my own time and energy, I have been supportive and caring of people. I’m done parenting and I’m not anybodies mama, therefore I’m not mommying anyone. I know that’s not a word. 

I’m also done with people who are committed to twisting my words to suit their narrative and insecurities. And who are committed to being hard of hearing and hard of understanding. 

And especially in business, I don’t have time for friends. Because people will blur that line and take you for granted and take advantage of you. 

And the moment I took time for myself it was all of a sudden a problem because I wasn’t paying attention to them. 

The moment I want to work on me I’m a bad friend and neglecting them. 

I don’t owe anyone my time, and the second I remind someone of that, I’m the fucking antichrist. 

So I guess I’ll just be the antichrist because what I’m not going to be is our lord and savior and patron saint of dusty bitches. 

Now let’s talk about the spiritual side. 

There are people who will drain your energy and don’t even know they’re doing it, and they are so toxic that when you cut them off, and trust me they KNOW when they’re being cut off - they will lose their goddamned minds, because their worlds revolve around who they can leech off of. 

Cast them out. Be forewarned it might be ugly when you do. You will be blamed for things you didn’t even know existed. They will reveal themselves to be angry parasites who wish to feed off of you, and they will be angry that you are cutting them out, and off. 

Thankfully for me, I have an army at my disposal, that knows me better than I know myself, and also that I am sometimes hard headed and don’t listen to. But as always, they knew best and knew what was coming. 

The Universe and your guides have a little something called “divine intervention.” 

Especially Kali Ma. 

If she is present she will not stand for you carrying on and will snatch your ass. 

I got snatched big time. 

Basically my Universal guardians said listen, you’re not bringing this tomfoolery into 2020. And when it happens it will seem like the world is turning on you. Until it doesn’t. 

So that’s my end of year personal life and spiritual experience. I know that I’m loved. And I know that other people and their personal problems, and what they think of me, are none of my business.