the red thread by @pastafossa playlist because I cannot stop thinking of this fic oh my god
go home ~ julien baker // “i’m tired of washing my hands, God, I want to go home.”
take me to church ~ hozier // “the only heaven I’ll be sent to is when I’m alone with you.”
northern attitude ~ noah kahan ft. hozier // “if I get too close, and I’m not how you hoped…” “forgive my northern attitude, I was raised on little light.”
cruel summer ~ taylor swift // “devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes, what doesn’t kill me makes me want you more.”
to someone from a warm climate (uiscefhuaraithe) ~ hozier // “in summer's heat, i learned to dread the comin' of the night. the awful things we do to make the head go quiet…”
invisible string ~ taylor swift // “isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”
work song ~ hozier // “no grave can hold me down, i’ll crawl home to her.”
grow as we go ~ ben platt / “you don’t ever have to leave, cause if change is what you need, you can change right next to me.”
rest of the playlist is here:
pasta if you’re seeing this i hope you’re doing well and i think ur the coolest person ever
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Okay. So I just realised I haven't posted anything in a while and this has been in my head ALL DAY, so please enjoy my English-Lit-level analysis of why Too Sweet is the most Anthony J Crowley song ever to Anthony J Crowley!!
(What this means is that I'm about to analyse every single fucking lyric in excruciating detail, I apologise in advance)
HERE GOES!!
It can't be said I'm an early bird // it's 10 o'clock before I say a word- Starting off easy here. He slept through most of the 19th century, and can you IMAGINE what he'd be like in the mornings??
Baby, I can never tell // how do you sleep so well?- Bit of a stretch on this one since Aziraphale doesn't canonically sleep, but let's just say sleep is a metaphor. He's asking how Aziraphale can seem 'at peace' so easily, when he can never seem to find any sort of balance.
You keep tellin' me to live right // to go to bed before the daylight- Aziraphale has a very strict set of morals, some instilled in him by Heaven but also some of his own; it's one of the things Crowley loves about him, but it can also result in him coming off like he's telling people how to live their lives 'right'.
But then you wake up for the sunrise- Now THIS is an interesting one. Waking up at sunrise and going to bed in the daylight both result in a lack of sleep, but one is seen as a 'good' thing to do. Aziraphale is just as run-down and burnt-out as Crowley, but he's ignoring it because it's for the 'right' reasons.
You know, you don't gotta pretend- He knows what Aziraphale's doing, and he's saying that he doesn't need to hide behind his heavenly facade; he can be himself.
Baby, now and then // don't you just wanna wake up- So you could probably take this one two ways; either as the whole demonic-temptation idea, or as an invitation for something they do frequently: get drunk, sped time together, and ignore Heaven and Hell for a little while.
Dark as a lake // smelling like a bonfire // lost in a haze- Funnily enough, being 'dark' and 'smelling like a bonfire' are both things you could associate with Hell, or the Fall. You could hear this as Crowley asking 'don't you want to let go and have some fun?' or you could hear it as 'I know this is selfish, but don't you wanna Fall for me?'
If you're drunk on life, babe // I think it's great- He's acknowledging that all he really wants is for Aziraphale to be happy. If he lived by all his strict rules because that's what he wanted, or because he was 'drunk on life' enough not to NEED anything else, that would be great.
But while in this world- They're not gonna be on Earth forever, especially if you imagine it from the perspective of pre-Apocalypse Crowley, so they may as well make the most of the time they have left.
I think I'll take my whisky neat- Well, first up it's Crowley and we all KNOW he's got a drinking problem. But also, it's a way of saying 'I know you worry about me, but this is who I am, and I'm gonna do it anyway'
My coffee black and my bed at three- There's not much to analyse on this one. Six shots of espresso in a big cup, and partying till God-knows-what-time.
You're too sweet for me- oh my GOD, the things I could say about this line. Honestly, I just feel like Crowley is always worried about 'corrupting' Aziraphale, or not being good enough for him. He's 'Too Sweet' for Crowley, because he's never felt love as soft and sweet (the closest he's ever got was God, and She was quick to cast him out) and he's scared of breaking it.
I aim low // I aim true, and the ground's where I go- This bit's almost sarcastic, and a little self-deprecating; you can't aim lower than Hell, and by asking questions he sure hit his target.
I work late where I'm free from the phone- He works a little ahead of time to stay clear of Hell's reprimands, or 'phone calls'. Also, working 'late' could link to working in darkness, which he's been doing since he Fell.
And the job gets done // but you worry some, I know- Aziraphale is constantly worrying about the Arrangement; not for himself, but for what Hell will do to Crowley if they find out. Crowley constantly finds himself reassuring him that as long as 'the job gets done', he'll be fine.
But who wants to live forever, babe?- This part's almost ironic. Crowley doesn't WANT to live forever, but he will, and so he can afford to be a little reckless; to him, it doesn't matter either way.
You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate- Aziraphale is always so careful about everything he says, even to Crowley, needing to make sure he stays 'Heavenly'.
The rest of you like you're the TSA- Aziraphale is ALWAYS careful with everything, regulating everything by Heaven's rules and regulations on what he can and can't do (think the TSA do's and don't's).
I wish I could go along // babe, don't get me wrong- Despite spending most of the song (and his life) railing against Heaven's rules, part of him still wishes he'd been able to 'go along' with them.
You know you're bright as the morning // soft as the rain- It just shows that everything Aziraphale is is the exact opposite of Crowley (or at least, of his image). He's 'bright' and 'soft', two things you'd never find in Hell, and Crowley doesn't quite know how to handle it.
Pretty as a vine // as sweet as a grape- He (Aziraphale) may be 'pretty' and 'sweet', but there's something else about him. Vines and grapes turn into wine, which Crowley is already addicted to; he's scared of becoming addicted to Aziraphale's sweetness.
If you can sit in a barrel- Obviously, grapes left in a barrel ferment into wine; he's awaiting the day Aziraphale gains just enough bitterness to go against Heaven. However, wine is considerably sweeter than Crowley's aforementioned whisky, so although he wants him to see Heaven the way he does, he prioritises keeping his sweetness rather than becoming fully bitter- he may be 'too sweet', but that's what Crowley loves about him.
Maybe I'll wait // until that day- This part's almost funny from Crowley's perspective, because there's no 'maybe' about it. He'd wait eternity to be allowed to love Aziraphale.
SO. There we go. If you actually read this far, tysm and I am SO SO SORRY, but hope you enjoyed my ridiculously long and mental-gymnastics-y analysis (I will not be rereading this or I won't end up posting it, so sorry about any mistake)
Have the best day ❤️❤️
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Hello people I am here once again with something I wrote. I've been thinking lots about my asexuality and coming to terms with it, and I don't think I really understood how much it would mean to have an asexual character to look to project onto (enter Jon Sims guys). I'm rambling now but I basically used him as way to explore my feelings about asexuality that I've struggled to put into words for the longest times.
I know some of my friend will probably read this and you guys are my metaphorical Martin here
anyway enough of me and more of that thing I wrote
Jon wasn’t even sure he knew what love was. The very idea was alienating, for the world had leaned down and whispered into his ear, the very world that had created him. And it told him, to be human was to love. To be human was to create. To create love and life with your own body.
But he could never. No- perhaps he could, if he sacrificed enough of himself, tore every part of himself to shreds, burned himself at the stake, cleaned that sour taste from his mouth and rid himself of the terror and numbness that coursed through his heart, all for the one who would
show him the wonders of ‘love’
But he had lived enough life to know that ‘one’ was never coming. He had lived enough life to know it was a lie he told himself, all through his youth and into his adulthood, and one he no doubt would continue to tell himself, no matter how much he tried to doubt it.
For to be broken one must be able to be fixed.
And what was he if not broken?
At times he felt as if he was running for his life, outrunning fate. For it was everywhere, in the yellowed pages of books, on the captivating neon screens, in the strangers who passed by him in the street, in those he called friend, in jest and games, in cathartic and emotionally driven art, in soulful song. For it was in his very existence.
There were times when his lungs would scream for air and all he could taste was rotten blood on his tongue. There were times where he stood numb as those around him amused themselves in a jest he could not share, where they used it as a connection between one another, a connection he could not share, where those he wished a connection with used it as a form of emotional closeness. And that numbness that overtook his body and the walls he built to protect his heart and soul pushed them away, even when he desired, wanted, needed to be close to them.
For he was told he could not run forever.
For he was told it would catch up with him eventually.
For he was told he would grit his teeth and bare it.
For he was told it was to be human.
And it terrified him.
He did not want any part of it.
Not even to perceive. Or feel anything of the like.
He was drowning. And drowning fast.
For he was told he could not escape it forever.
And he believed it. Believe them who sold him a lie, like one sells time to a clock or inspiration to the muse.
So when the man who had changed his entire world came into focus, who he loved beyond measure and reason, he told himself he was not in love.
For he was broken, incapable of such love.
That is why when that man had told him he didn't care, that he could live and love and dream and share the most intimate and tender moments of his life with Jon, all without it. Told him that there was no fixing him. That he was never truly broken. Told him that he was not the green eyed monster he had built himself up to be. Told him that his crown of loneliness and life of isolation he had resigned to was false.
It had changed him.
That man had told him they could lie for a million years together in the soft earth, slowly being overtaken by the weeds and wildflowers, and he would never mention a word, and never would his hands wander over his skin. He told him they would remain like that, hand in hand, discrete and content.
And that is how their story goes.
They lived a thousand days and breathed a million breaths, all without a mention of it.
They laid in that field for millennia, so long that they’d become the flowers, so long that the foxes had known their taste.
Jon hadn’t known the meaning of ‘home’ either. But maybe he was home with that man, no- that man was his home.
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but still my heart is heavy
with the hate of some other man's beliefs
(hozier, foreigner's god)
screencap redraw of young namor/k'uk'ulkan. (i've barely touched my drawing tablet in over a year but i felt intensely compelled to capture this moment.)
consider foreigner's god from k'uk'ulkan's perspective, as himself a god, but removed from the land of his ancestors for reasons beyond his control, looking upon his "children," those he now protects and leads through no choice of his own, wondering if he is worthy, burdened by the sacrifices of his mother and her people, cursing the god these white men worship, for whose glory they claim his ancestors' blood and homelands.
el niño sin amor! up goes a cry in that hateful language, a curse uttered in their god's name. but is he not himself a god? he takes the words and wraps them around himself - a curse, a brand, a shield. the boy without love. to speak his name now will be blasphemy. they will learn to fear him - he who haunts the depths and walks in the skies, he who has buried the last of his heart amidst a raging inferno. when the time comes, the world will burn.
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[Description: A digital portrait of the child version of the character Namor/K'uk'ulkan from the film Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. He is standing in front of a field of grass beneath a grey sky. He has brown skin, pointy ears, curly hair, and is wearing only jade ear flares, a pearl necklace, and armbands made of the fictional metal vibranium. His brows are slightly drawn together and mouth downturned in an expression of unhappiness.]
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