#cannot believe this is STILL a conversation

[plethaid]

Hello! I have been gone for a while but I am back with more headcannons! (This kind of ran away from me, so it's a bit of a monster of a post for me ;-;)

Anyway!

TW: none?? I think? Pls let me know if you think I should add any! Otherwise very, very fluffy I think.

Have the various cod men taking care of a burnt out S/O. Includes: König, Nikolai, Price, Soap, Gaz, and Ghost.

König is getting you some fresh air. No matter the weather, those windows are open. Taking you out on walks, or if that's too daunting he'll sit with you on the small balcony of his apartment, your favorite little treats on the little table beside your chairs. Will take you out to the nearest park if it's quiet, or deeper into the wilderness instead for his best attempt at a picnic. It may just be a rough wool blanket and a couple of sandwiches from a tiny (read: very questionable but he swears its good) bakery, but he's trying.

Nikolai is making sure you rest. He is well experienced in herding you back into your bed and making sure any obligations you have are taken care of. Will cuddle you all day long if you want, or if you want to get out of bed will let you sit by him while he works on a finicky peice of equipment. Loves taking you out to eat, fancy restaurants with you tucked under his arm, a bottle of your preferred drink already waiting at the table. Makes sure you two are tucked away in a quiet booth, where the lighting is dim and the only sounds to be heard are soft conversation and the string quartet.

Price is panicking on the inside. He wants to help, really, he just doesn't quite know how. Ends up giving you a lot of self help books, not knowing that you don't have the energy to read them, and just looking at them, unable to muster the energy just makes you feel even worse. When he notices, he feels terrible. Donates the books. Switches to holding you close in the evenings, reading a book you had been talking about reading for months out loud, keeping tucked into his chest. Will continue making you take a plethora of vitamins, no he does not care if you don't notice a difference. If you have a different medicine to take? Best believe he is making sure you take those too. Takes over all of the chores you hated, but still insists you do something to be productive during the day. Beams when he comes home and you tell him of the little project you finally got around to doing.

Soap is making sure you are fed, watered, and have proper enrichment. Kinda like a zoo animal, but in a good way. Keeps a balance of cooking new recipes to help encourage some life and excitement, and making your favorites when you need the comfort. Would absolutely bake with you, taking over whenever you wanted. Also a fiend for proper hydration, and you cannot tell me otherwise. Your waterbottle is full constantly, and if you don't drink at least three he is holding that bottle and giving you his best puppy dog eyes. Then there is the enrichment. Finds whatever hobby you have and brings home new things for it. New yarn, buys a new game, you name it. And if you simply don't have the energy to do what you love? He's right there with you, encouraging you to do just a little. Will not stop the praise when you make the tiniest bit of progress, because When it was the most progress you were capable of? It is the entire world to him, and he won't stop talking until you're proud of yourself too.

Gaz is making sure you take care of yourself. Runs a bath, making sure to use your favorite bath bomb and bubbles, adds epsom salt for achy muscles. Turns off the light and adds about a dozen led candles around to help you relax. Helps you wash your hair, scrubs every inch of you, rubbing lotion into your damp skin after. Runs through your entire skin and hair care routine, adds a few steps of his own if he thinks it would help. Reminds you to change your clothes if you forget. Does the laundry to make sure you always have something fresh to wear. Changes the beddding of your bed consistently and sprays the pillows with lavender scented spray. He makes sure you get some activity in, lets you pick and does it with you. Taking short walks with you, doing a little bit of yoga, or whatever you want. Similar to Jobnny with the water. But if you just can't get down a bottle, he offers alternatives. Flavored options or feeds you food with a high water content like melons. Gives you about a million little pecks, scatters them across your skin every second you get.

Ghost is suprisingly gentle. Treats you like a fragile bird at times. Keeps telling you frankly terrible jokes just to see you smile a little or smack him for it. He knows damn well how it feels when you feel so empty inside, the lack of any energy at all. Doesn't let you lie and say that everything is fine. He glares at you until you break and tell him how you really feel. Makes sure you at least move a little during the day, even if its just out of bed and onto the couch, or sat on the counter while he makes breakfast for you. Lets you rest for as long as you need. Hates being too pushy with you, or forcing you to do something you don't want to be doing. Only makes sure you're eating and drinking, offering a smoothie when making a meal and the clean up seems like too much for you. Will absolutely be a bastard to people and say know for you if you are the type to overwork yourself. Will also be a bit of a bastard to you when he knows damn well how burnt out you are and you keep scheduling more obligations for yourself.

Graves is the type to try and make your life as effortless as possible when you finally hit your breaking point. Every meal is prepped and waiting in the frige for you, with enough variety to make sure you don't get bored of it. Is definitely a bastard in making sure you eat three square meals a day. Oh, and that little thing thats been bothering you for weeks? Whether it be a squeaky hinge, or car maintenance, or a burnt out bulb you best believe it is fixed for you without a word. He is also a firm believer of the healing of the great outdoors, but he also knows how much effort going out for a true excursion can be. So he makes sure his house has a nice sunroom for you so you can be in the sun no matter the season. Buys you an excessive amount of comfy clothing. Makes a little daybed in his office so you can do your own thing and still spend time with him. Absolutely adores when you manage to pick a hobby of yours back up, and soothes you when you feel like you'll never have the energy to ever do anything you enjoy again.

[timble-tumble]

SHIDOU FALLS DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND THEN YOU START BRAWLING IT OUT

TAGS: Absolute pure crack, slightly suggestive (if you squint)?, gn!reader x Shidou, Shidou being Shidou, mentions of boners (Shidou.), minor injuries (both of you), established relationship (not hinting towards anything too romantic tho)

A/N: You can tell this is a personal reflection about how much I despise what I'm learning abt in math (and math in general) 🙏💔 I had a lot of fun writing this tho

You and Shidou had barely made it through the last and worst period of the day– math. Even though you barely did any work and instead opted to muck around and play fight at the back of the class, it felt like several weeks before the sweet chime of the bell whisked you out of that classroom.

Shidou stretches his arms up, cracking his neck, “ugh, finally! I’m so done with math, why do I needa know how to calculate linear equations? It’s not like I’m gonna need y= mx+c to know how to score a goal.”

You continue the conversation, complaining with him. “I know right, I CANNOT wrap my head around this. I refuse to believe I’m ever gonna use this in the future, like when am I even going to say, ‘oh yeah that’s y=19x+5’ to some random cashier?”

While you two bitch and yap about how useless math– well at least linear is, you trudge down the hard concrete staircase, barely giving a thought (just like in math class) about where you two are stepping, when from across you hear Shidou let out a loud, “OH FUCK ME-”

You quickly turn towards his now comically tumbling body thunking and rolling its way down the rest of the steps.

“OH MY GOD SHIDOU-”

“Owie…..” Shidou rubs his lower back like an old man as he wobbles, attempting to stand up, looking back and glaring at you, “You gonna help and injured person or what?”

Before you can run down to check on him, you can’t help let out a small snort.

Then just a tinsy-winsy cackle.

And then burst out laughing.

“BAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN’T- I’M CRYING, OH MY GOD THAT’S TOO FUNNY– NO ‘CAUSE THE WAY YOU JUST ROLLED LIKE A FUCKING TUMBLEWEED DOWN THE DAMN STAIRS, I’M SORRY I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING BAHAHAHAHAHAH-”

Shidou narrows his eyes as you wipe away your slowly forming tears from how hard you were laughing. “…” He shoves his hands into his pockets, limping over to your figure still tweaking on the staircase.

“..Hey man, you like explosions?”

You pause and stare him dead in the eye like he’s called you an idiot in 50 different languages. “What? Did the fall rearrange your brain or something-”

Before you can finish, Shidou sprints up the stairs, jumping a step before swinging his leg right at your head. He laughs maniacally as you barely manage to slip down a step in an attempt to dodge his attack.

“SHIDOU WHAT THE HELL-”

“THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR LAUGHING AT ME.”

He chases you down the stairs, into the hall while swinging a few kicks just right above your head. “USE YOUR LINEAR EQUATIONS TO DODGE THIS-”

“RYUSEI SHIDOU GO FUCK YOURSELF STOP TRYING TO GET ME CONCUSSED AS WELL.”

You duck down, sweeping your lower leg at his shins to try and trip him. He dodges, stepping back as he wipes a little bit of drool escaping out of his mouth while he grins. You grab a hair-tie slung around your wrist, narrowing your eyes at him. Shidou waits for you to finish, circling closer and closer towards your figure like a shark smelling fresh blood.

“Come at me,” you taunt.

Like a command, he lunges forward, knee flying right at your face. You quickly react, slapping your hand right down on it and pushing it away as you go on the offence and aim a kick right at Shidou’s groin.

He springs backwards, “Woah woah, my beautiful soccer shooter is OFF LIMITS. Touch it again and I’ll touch yo-”

You jump, swinging your leg down on him, “STOP CALLING YOUR PENIS YOUR SOCCER SHOOTER.”

“But it’s my glorious goal scorer! My very soccer genes and cells are all in this bad boy,” He points down to his crotch area as he grips your calf, throwing you off him.

With a loud BANG!, you hit the floor, grunting as you hear your heart throbbing in your ears. You hazily look up, trying to focus on the yellow and pink blob smirking deviously down on you as your vision rapidly blacks out.

He kneels down, extending his hand a little for you to grab onto. “Admit defeat?”

“Shit, that really hurt…” You rub your neck as you place your hand on top his.

“Whoopsies,” Shidou hoists you up, dusting the potential dirt that could’ve gotten on your uniform.

You glare at Shidou, immediately pushing your hand up to his forearm and gripping it hard, as you slam! him down onto the floor, his body facing impact for a second time.

“You dick.”

He grins wildly, body still limp, “oh man, talk about explosions! That was wild, I’m basically hard-”

You squat down, lightly poking his cheek. “don’t start, you creep."

jumpscare

[niobiumao3]

Why does Tech need to be uniquely dead in the 'it didn't stick' death franchise?

Echo, Gregor, Palpatine, Maul, Boba Fett, Ventress, Fennec, all of them somehow could be brought back but not Tech! No way! Just none!

If the position is 'no it should stick for once' okay I can even understand that but that's what should be SAID, not 'IT'S JUST NOT POSSIBLE'.

Sorry but like. It's extremely possible. It's called 'yeah he didn't die'. That's all that was done for Gregor and Echo. NO OTHER explanation was given. At. All.

[wolfofproendos]

saw a very hateful post, so i just wanted to say that:

those who are introjects of bad people: you are not bad for using your source's name. you are not bad for identifying just a little bit with your source. you are not bad for seeking out fanart, and sourcemates. you are not bad if you do not want to disconnect (yet) from your source. you are not bad for being an introject of a bad person.

[britneyshakespeare]

Had the extremely upsetting experience of a mutual of like 6 years going off on me for occasionally making posts about supporting Harris because apparently that makes me a g n cide denier who refuses to learn and grow, with all of my views just being assumed not even from what I've told them I believe or what I've posted before, but just because I DON'T post particularly the kind of things they THINK I should be. When I pointed out how much they were just completely assuming about stuff I'd never talked to them about, I was told it doesn't matter what I do in real life or "care" about if I simply disagree with their conclusion and vote for her anyway. Like they were absolutely not sorry for the level of maliciousness they not just assumed of my character, but for some reason thought appropriate to bring directly to me before unfollowing me. No apology whatsoever for how discomforting or upsetting that might be and certainly no acknowledgment that I could disagree with them and still be a good person. I just got another even longer rant about how they fundamentally can't fuck with me because of this one thing, no matter WHAT else I do in my real life (which I pointed out that they do not know), and how I'm directly supporting fascism.

Like seriously what is it about Tumblr that makes people think they know someone based off of occasional posts? There were just such DEEP assumptions they were making of me and going off of very little or absolutely nothing. Around the time I first became mutuals with that person I used to express my personality and beliefs and talk about what was going on in my life a lot more openly, but I've significantly scaled back on doing that in many ways for many reasons. One of my major ones is privacy and the way I've had strangers outside my followers and following circles just find random things I say and dogpile me for it. I was fundamentally changed after some T Fs did that to me like 3 years ago. I also just didn't have many conversations w that person anymore (I message people in general on here like 10x less than I did circa 2018-2019, which I'm somewhat sorry about!). My point is to say I think this person felt comfortable assuming that they knew me, especially who I am in 2024 at the age of 25, much better than they actually did.

One of the specific things they accused me of was being afraid of learning and growing (because I don't perform social media activism on here like they think I should). Like AFRAID to take criticism. When again I've never received criticism from them or had to respond to any criticism on here before as pertaining to my views on... well, absolutely any of the issues they accused me of not caring about. They essentially treated it as if the only thing in the world I cared about was the US election and characterized me as the most out-of-touch liberal they could possibly imagine, because I'm not "pushing" Kamala Harris to be better (Oh?? Should I do that on here?? Does she read my blog??).

And most hypocritically what they said was that I only *sometimes* *vaguely* post pro-Harris things (I often post like 5 or fewer things in a day though?). But here's the kicker. "Because I know I'll get shit for it. And rightfully so."

Really????? Not a single person, anon or not, in my messages or in a tagged post or anything, has ever given me shit before for saying who I'm voting for. I'm actually NOT afraid of "getting shit" for that opinion, I just don't start fights with people who are anti-voting. And why should I??? I genuinely don't believe in trying to change the minds of strangers on the internet about that sort of thing. I'm just not confrontational about it; that is so not the same thing as being "afraid of getting shit." I'm not posting ENOUGH about my support for Harris, therefore I'm afraid. But therefore they can also make all these assumptions about me being their strawman for an ignorant Harris supporter.

I'm afraid of getting shit but I still post anyway? But if I weren't afraid of getting shit I'd be posting a lot more?? This is ALL based on their assumptions of what my blog *should* look like, based on what I really and truly believe. My level of posting every now and then is an accurate gauge of my feelings on complex, sensitive, global issues. Because I'm voting for the Democratic presidential candidate and I'm ok sharing pretty much just that little glimpse of myself.

I really don't think that person knows just how inappropriate and insulting that is to just say all of that to me. Like they really know what's going on in my head. Their first message began and ended with like "I'm sorry I love you I just can't take it anymore" but they clearly weren't sorry enough to try and be more respectful to me, and they didn't love me enough not to default to extremely ungenerous assumptions and attacking me based off of those instead of any actual words I've said that they take issue with.

Online radicalization is real and it's not necessarily bad because your political views can start to fall well out of the contemporary Overton window. The way you find it appropriate to treat people whose views, however common, seem to fundamentally misalign with yours... that does matter. You can't just assume the worst of everyone and then act on that in how you approach them as individuals. And then be shocked that you don't stay friends with them. You can't be confrontational with someone about an issue you've never had an honest conversation about, and then expect them to take your bad faith in them as reasonable well-meaning criticism.

I'm afraid of criticism??? I'm afraid of criticism. No I'm not. This person and I have never had an issue before where they criticized me and I got harshly defensive. It was ALL projection. The entire tone of their messages was as if all their anti-voting posts recently were somehow in communication with the occasional go-vote-for-Harris posts that I make. That's not a conversation. I don't post for your satisfaction. I don't post in "response" to my mutuals I disagree with. I just post what's on my mind, sometimes, about some things. I really again can't stress enough how baffled I am by this

[izloveshorses]

I GOT YOU FOR THAT !!!!!!!!!!!!! ASDHKLFJGFHLHHHHHNNNNNNGG!!!!!!!!

[freshprinceofverone]

The more I work on this essay the less I want to answer the question and the more I want to hand in a paper called "is it "megamusicals" or is it just capitalism?"

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

Talking about Neil Gaiman stuff that's specifically pissing me off extreme cw for sexual assault and violence

"Neil Gaiman forced women to perform BDSM acts"

So torture?

You're describing torture.

The actions you are saying this man did to people is just called torture.

There is no "non-consensual BDSM" that's torture, babe!

The context does not change just because the aggressor is getting off to it. Most serial killers got off on their murders, we don't stop calling them murders or say they had a "killing" fetish????????

Like I know WHY BDSM keeps getting linked into this conversation, but we are so, so, so, SO far removed from anything resembling BDSM in this conversation it's like calling an apple a bowl of guac. We're in crime territory. Like go-to-jail violent crime.

"Neil Gaiman exploited, raped, and tortured 8 women"

There I fixed it for you.

[robotwrangler]

28 year old men at uni can’t get enough of my approachable theythem swag

[ahalliance]

i love going through old antoine and étoiles content <3 they were having a normal conversation about soirées theyve had together and antoine randomly said that his favourite one was the one where he sucked étoiles off <3 this is a viewer experience like none other <3

[trisscar368]

hanG ON WAIT is the entire reason it was vampire jenny in 15.20 because of the queer coding in Dead Man’s Blood

The woman who got turned by the bisexual vampires comes out of nowhere, Dean gets stabbed by a very phallic object that should not have been in the plot, and because it’s dean it’s through the heart (because it’s always Dean’s heart)

Dean spends the episode in a gray life, hugging the dog (and Cas is always the dog), and he doesn’t want to keep going when there’s a chance to get out

IS THAT WHY

DID DEAN WINCHESTER DIE BY BISEXUALITY

Cause he sure as fuck died of a broken heart

[littlebirdy0301]

(cw grooming mention) TELL ME WHY IM JUST SITTING IN MY ROOM CHILLIN, REMINDED OF MEMORIES FROM EALRY HIGHSCHOOL AND ALL THE SUDDEN HIT LIKE A FUCKING TRUCK THAT I GOT GROOMED AT 14/15

[musical-chick-13]

Cool, we’re at the point where we’re calling Cersei a whore now, love that.

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Listening to some Just Rolled With It stuff while I'm cooking, and I got to the episode (#65) where randomly they all start sharing small compliments they've received from strangers that they've carried with them for the rest of their lives and meant a lot to them and I'm like :(

It makes me a little sad to hear, especially since I know dudes in particular (at least here in the US / my region) don't typically receive tons of compliments.

[phantom-dc]

Bruce sighed.

He never thought he would die like this. When he started out as Batman he was certain he would meet his end fighting the criminal underworld of Gotham. When he got older and life got stranger, he believed he would die fighting off a threat like Joker or Deathstroke, maybe even Darkseid. Being used as a human sacrifice to the King of the Infinite Realms was not on that list, let alone being a willing sacrifice.

Unfortunately, it had been necessary. An asteroid was on collision course with Earth. The asteroid had a colony of sapient alien life on it, so destroying it was not an option. As the League grew desperate, Constantine revealed a similar incident had happened a few years ago. The King of the Infinite Realms had, along with his subjects, turned the Earth intangible and both the Earth and the Asteroid had survived. Constantine isn’t sure why or how, but there are signs an extremely powerful ghost had merged realities and in the process erased the memories of this event from the entire population of Earth! The only reason Constantine knows about it is because a Demon with time-based powers told him during one of their poker games. Summoning this King was risky, as they had no idea what the King would want in return, but this entity seemed like their best bet. Now Bruce thinks they had been wrong.

Superman pulled Bruce out of his thoughts:

“Bruce, are you sure you want to go through with this? If we work together, we might be able to-”

Bruce cut him off:

“No, Clark. You heard Constantine. If we do not hold up our end of the deal, the Ghost King could simply make his ally, this “Clockwork”, reverse time to before the planet was saved. The Earth and the asteroid will still be destroyed, killing everyone on both. This is the only way.”

Clark looked dejected. He knew his friend was right. The King had turned the entire Earth intangible with one hand! He knew the League couldn’t defeat this foe, not without help. Any being that could help them would demand even more bloodshed in exchange, though. One human life in exchange of saving the entire planet had been a steal, according to the Justice League Dark. Clark looked at Bruce:

“Are you going to put on your cowl? This will be the only chance you have to tell the other Leaguers who you are.”

Bruce looked at his cowl. He had taken of his suit, so that his family had something to bury. But to reveal his identity to anyone other than Clark....

“I will keep it on. Even if I die here, I cannot risk anyone finding out my identity and using it to get to my family. I hope the League understands.”

Bruce is pulled into a hug. As Clark holds him as close as he can without breaking bones Bruce cannot help being filled with regret. He wanted more time with his family and, dare he say, friends. This was not how things were supposed to go. Clark pulls away and seems to want to say something:

“Bruce, I just want you to know, I-”

“WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON, B?”

Suddenly Nightwing enters the room, along with the entire Bat-family. Even Alfred and Oracle, donning masks, are there. They looked confused and scared, which made sense. They had all been summoned to the Watchtower, and when they had seen non-field members there as well they knew something was very wrong. Robin stepped forward, demanding an explanation:

“Father, what is happening? Why did you ask for us here? Explain yourself this instant!”

Red Robin looked ready to fight, staff in hand and in a low stance:

Where is the danger? Who is the enemy? Do you have intel for us? ARE YOU BEING MIND CONTROLLED?

Spoiler yanked at Red Robin’s cowl, pulling him out of his paranoid spiral:

“Easy, Captain Paranoid! Let him speak!”

Red Hood was clearly agitated. It was never a good sign if he was asked to the Watchtower:

“The fuck is going on, old man? Are you dying or something? That’s my stick, not yours!”

Bruce steeled his nerves. This was not going to be an easy conversation. How does one tell their family they are going to die and there is nothing to be done about it? Things had been going well for them, too. Dick and he hadn’t fought as often anymore, Jason had not called him names when he patrolled Crime ally last week, Tim hadn’t done anything that could be considered villainous (that he knew of) and Damian had not stabbed any goons for a month. Truly things had been good. Bruce knew this would mess it all up. He feared Jason would start killing again, or Damian would take out his grief on the criminals or Tim would… Well he had no idea. Last time Bruce disappeared Tim blew up so many LoA bases (he still wasn’t sure whether there had been people inside or not), so it was anyone’s gue-

“Sir, could you please elaborate on why we are here? I’m assuming it has something to do with the reason for this dreadful cold, and perhaps your lack of a shirt?”

Bruce sighed. Alfred always knew how to get through to him. With a heavy heart he told them everything. He would sacrifice himself for the survival of both planets. There was nothing to be done about that, and he asked them to please accept his decision. Naturally everyone was outraged. Amidst the chaos, Orphan asked a question:

“Why you?”

Bruce explained that, according to Constantine, the King had asked for a single sacrifice in return: “To feast on a non-magic, non-meta mortal human that will not resist being consumed.” It had pointed specifically at Batman, making sure they all knew which one it wanted. There had been no time to negotiate the prize, so he had accepted. After that it had left immediately for Earth, turning it intangible so the asteroid flew through harmlessly and fulfilling its end of the deal. Orphan seemed to think for a bit, before speaking up again:

“We’ll miss you.”

She hugged Batman. The others, realizing there was nothing they could do, at least not before facing the King, joined in as well. Bruce told them how proud he was of everyone. That they were strong and brilliant, and to please protect each other and Gotham in his stead. He thanked Alfred and Oracle for their help over the years and to please continue to support the others with the same strength they used to help him. After a moment they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

Wonder Woman had entered the room. With a saddened expression, and a dented doorhandle that showed her tension, she had come to collect her friend.:

“Batman. It’s time.”

Bruce nodded at her. Thanking her, he tried to leave with her, but was stopped by Alfred. After a quick hug, Alfed offered Bruce a cookie from the plate he had brought along:

“Every man deserves a final meal. I’m sorry this was all I have to offer.”

Taking a grateful bite, Bruce allowed himself to indulge in the taste of home.

“Thank you, Alfred. This means more to me then you realize.”

Steeling himself once more, Batman and the others followed Wonder Woman to the main room. It was the largest room in the Watchtower, several stories high with observation platforms, security screens showing cities all over the planet and a teleportation platform. As they approached the room, Batman was surprised by the cold that radiated form the entrance. Opening the door the source of all the cold and grief became visible to the group. Signal had to shield his eyes:

“What the hell!?!”

There it was, the High Ghost King of the Infinite Realms. A giant being, which had been so large they had to move to the observation platform to speak with it. Even then it towered over the heroes. It’s skin impossibly dark, with constellations spotting its tail & torso. The stars converging on its lower arms, making it look like it was wearing glowing white gloves, the same as a strange symbol on his chest that seemed important. The stars on its neck blending seamlessly with its hair, yet leaving its head completely dark aside from a few little spots on its face. The only facial feature they could make out where 2 Lazarus green eyes, focused on the new arrivals. On its hand, a ring with a skull on it that had freaked out the Lanterns. On its head a dark crown covered in patches of frost, and its own Aurora Borealis spreading from it. The room had already been partially covered in frost simply from the King’s aura. Power emanated from it, which had caused several members that had been dead and revived before to kneel on reflex, which was frightening even if they managed to get up on their own again.

Martian Manhunter had tried to peek in the Kings mind, hoping to find a way to convince the King to spare Batman, but he had been unsuccessful. As soon as he tried his knees buckled, and he had been pushed out. Ever since the Ghost King had radiated frustration. Now, as Batman entered wearing only his cowl and some spare pants, that frustration seemed to spike dangerously. Was the King upset he had been left to wait for his offer?

"What the fuck is this? I didn’t ask for a striptease, especially from some old Frootloop!”

“Constantine, what’s wrong? What is it saying?”

Batman was worried. He had not expected more anger from the being when presented with the offering. Looking at Constantine, he saw the magician frantically looking through the pages of his books, desperately looking for a translation.

“Hang on, mate. I’m doing my best here! Ehrm… no, that’s not right… Something about mating? Maybe he likes you, Bats. He also said something about “the absence of clothing” so…

Suddenly he is cut off by a strange sound coming from the Ghost King. It makes a strange motion with its body and its giant maw opens, as more of those sounds escape. It reminds Robin of Alfred the Cat when he has a hairball. However, there is more sound in the Watchtower now. The Red Hood is clutching his stomach as he is doubling down in laughter.

“HAHAHAHA!!! WHAT? HOW THE FUCK DID YOU TRANSLATE THAT BADLY? HOLY SHIT!”

The Ghost King stops making the noises, and it’s eyes snap to Red Hood. It moves it’s head closer to him, casually passing it through the barrier Constantine had put up. Constantine’s swears in surprise, but the King seems not to care as it “speaks” to Red Hood:

"Oh, thank the Acients! Someone who understands Ghost Speak! Can you PLEASE help me and translate for us? This trench coat guy is terrible, and somehow twists everything I say in the worst way!"

Red Hood relaxed, looking up at the Ghost King’s giant head.:

“Sure man, no problem. I’m pretty sure he is using like 3 different dictionaries to get this far. I saw him first translate Ghost to Pixie, Pixie to Gnome and Gnome to Demon before telling us in English! So, what’s up?”

Batman was stunned. The Ghost King actually face palmed. What the heck was going on?

"Of course he is. That explains why it sounds like he is putting this through Google Translate 4 times! These guys summoned me to save the Earth, which, totally cool. Happy to help! But a summons makes it official, which means I need to get an offering. I can’t leave without it or I face a mountain of paperwork from some stupid bureaucratic eyeballs for not following proper procedure. But I can always ask something simple and get it over with. No biggie, right? WRONG.”

Red Hood actually grabs a chair to sit on. Not even in a somewhat respectful way, he is sitting on it backwards, casually leaning on it.

“Oh, boy. How badly did they fuck up? Gotta be big since Batman over there is ready to be eaten?”

The King glares at Constantine, who puts up his bravest “time to out-bollock a Eldritch Demon” face. The King is not impressed:

"Man, I asked, and I quote: “I’d like to eat a regular human meal that doesn’t fight back, like that guy would eat!” I wanted it to be clear I didn’t want blood, or corpses or virgins or any of the other horrible things stupid cults try to give me! I just wanted a burger or something! But then Mr. triple dictionary over there somehow turns that into: ‘’I wish to feast on a non-magic, non-meta mortal human that will not resist being consumed, and it must be that one.” I’ll admit I was pointing at one of the non-supers, but that didn’t mean I wanted to eat him! I just wanted to make sure it was normal food, something that doesn’t fight back!”

Red Hood looked confused, asking if the King’s food usually fights back. The King rolls it’s eyes:

"In life, I lived with mad scientist parents who treated lab safety as a suggestion at best and a chore for teens at worst. Put enough samples in the fridge and you get a whole new type of Thanksgiving trauma. Dang, I’m getting even more hungry. I’d love some turkey right now. Could you get them to bring me some food? That way I can have my sacrifice and leave…”

Red Hood stands up. He asks if the King can wait a few more minutes, claiming that after all that frustration he deserved something better. Getting a nod from the Ghost King, the Red Hood suddenly shouted over the platform railing towards the waiting Leaguers:

“FLASH! Get your squad up here, and bring pen & paper! I got a job for y’all!”

Zooming up every member of the Flash family gets a list of things to get and a warning not to tell the Bats what’s on it, or Red Hood will shoot them in the knees. Looking at the lists, they quickly caught on what was going on and promised they wouldn’t tell. This was way too funny! Red Hood does a fake bow to the King, clearly amusing himself.

“Don’t worry, your Hungry-ness! Your sacrifice is being prepared! Anything else we can assist you with?”

The Ghost King seems to tilt its head in amusement. Whatever Hood was doing, it was working, which honestly was the only reason nobody had tackled him to the floor.

"Actually, if you could get that Frootloop to put on a shirt that would be great. He is shivering and honestly, I’m worried he’s going to poke someone’s eye out with a nipple. Why is he shirtless anyway? Please tell me he wasn’t actually trying to seduce me or something, he’s old enough to be my dad! Gross!”

This caused Red Hood to again double over in laughter. Everyone was confused, what could possibly be so funny in this situation? Constantine had frantically tried translating during their conversation, but it had gone too fast for him. He gave up when the King mentioned eyeballs and seduction, accepting he wouldn’t get anywhere like this. Batman however couldn’t resist his need to know everything anymore.

“Hood, report! How are you communicating with the entity?”

Red Hood turns to Batman, walks past him and towards Alfred, grabbing one of the cookies he had brought with him. As he walks back and hands it to the Ghost King, he starts to explain:

“Honestly, not sure. It feels instinctive, like a second mother-tongue. Pretty sure it’s some sort of “dead-guy-language” you learn when you die. Speaking off: Turns out Constantine is a VERY unreliable translator. Spooky here is actually pretty chill! He used you as an example to make sure we knew what he wanted, not to demand you as a sacrifice. He is in fact pretty ticked that you guys tried to feed B to him. Speaking of: Batman? Put a shirt on, for fucks sake. You look like you’re going to freeze your tits off.”

This earned a round of giggles from Green Lantern & Green Arrow. Now that the tension had left the room, other Leaguers also smiled in relief. Besides, it’s always fun to see Batman being the butt of a joke. Sure enough, Batman let out a frustrated sound, that got the rest of the Bats to join in on the fun. They understood that their dad in fact felt rather silly right now, which meant that they had more to gossip about soon. Constantine now was wondering what Hood was up to:

“Mate, I did my best! Sorry for not being fluent in every language in existence. What the hell did you send the Flash to get? The bloke is a scientist and denies magic when it’s right in front of ‘im! What could they possibly get that I couldn’t-”

At that moment, the Flashes zoom out of the Zeta tubes and zoom across the observation deck. After a few moments of red and yellow blurs, the deck is covered with tables filled front to back with food! Picking up a receipt that fell to the floor, Batman realizes this is take-out from all over the world. Seeing a puddle of Lazarus water grow on the floor, he looks up. The Ghost King is actually drooling! Red Hood steps aside and gestures to the feast:

“Welp! There is your sacrifice! One. And I also quote: “regular human meal that doesn’t fight back, like “that guy” would eat!” Well, more of a feast then a meal, but I’m sure a big guy like you can finish it, and you can always take home the rest I guess. Bon Appetit!”

Opening his giant maw, the Ghost King digs in. Well, as much as he can. He actually looks kind of silly eating everything with a tiny fork. Still, judging from the purring sound emanating through the Watchtower it’s to the Kings liking.

"DUDE, THIS IS SO GOOD? I need to know these restaurants! You want a bite for helping me out? You saved me SOOO much annoying paperwork, I was about to bail!”

Picking up a plate of karaage, Red Hood took of his helmet revealing a second mask underneath and dug in as well:

“Don’t mind if I do, this smells fantastic! Oh shit, you should try this stuff, it’s great!”

Red Hood being allowed to partake in the offering so casually caused Constantine to do a double take. He realizes he seriously misjudged this entity. Still, that didn’t explain the horrific stories about him. He would need to do some digging into that, maybe with Hood as a translator. For now he takes a swig of his drink. The world was saved, no one died or lost their Soul and he didn’t make any new enemies he thinks. Plus, Batman felt like an idiot, and that always made the Brit smile.

All in all a good day!

[lost-romantique]

Stolas finally admitted it...

"GAH! WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT I AM! THIS WAS SO STUPID! I CANNOT BELIEVE I COULD BE THIS FUCKING STUPID! I RUINED EVERYTHING! MOVE!!! YOU SHITTY DESK!!!"

"And I did it for what? These stupid, foolish fantasies?!"

It means so much to me that Stolas was finally able to admit it, that what he saw and enjoyed when it came to his and Blitzø's transactional relationship was the pure escapist fantasy of it all. Yes, he still grew to have genuine feelings for Blitz, but he still couldn't help but wrap Blitz up in this fantasy of his. Knight in shining armour, rogue assassin, etc.

And a part of me thinks that's why Blitz, couldn't initially believe Stolas' feelings of romantic love for him. Aside from his extreme self-loathing, it's also because he was so used to Stolas wanting him to play a certain role on their full moon nights. Blitz was used to being a fantasy, so he couldn't imagine the actual reality of it.

And I think that's one of the reasons why Blitz is so goddamn fucking happy the entire episode, it's because aside from finally get his birb back, this is what Blitz ultimately wants in a relationship.

Blitzø's ideal relationship is genuine domestic bliss. He genuinely just loves the idea of waking up every morning to the man he loves, and being able to do simple mundane shit like making breakfast for them, fixing them up cups of coffee, and having casual conversation.

It's why he looks so happy and chipper doing the most mundane shit with Stolas. Blitz genuinely just finds joy in walking around the market with the man he loves, going grocery shopping, chatting at the Laundromat, and going shopping for clothes.

It's also why Blitz wants this so bad...

Because underneath all the self-loathing and his asshole persona, Blitz genuinely has the purest of dreams of settling down with Stolas and their two daughters surrounded by warmth, love, and laughter.