#cause the normal amount of anxiety has always been there

[brutal-out-here]

I got good news and bad news (maybe) about me forgetting how to be a person yesterday

[mystic-writings]

closing time | robin buckley

PAIRING — robin buckley x fem!reader

SUMMARY — robin has a crush on you. what happens when you're locked in keith's office after the store closes?

WARNINGS — fluff, banter, love confessions, mentions of panic/anxiety & season three

WORD COUNT — 2,353

NOTES — something short and sweet for my beloved robin!! i hope y'all enjoy and don't forget to leave feedback please! also, this was very loosely inspired by sparks fly by taylor swift

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Robin Buckley was utterly, helplessly, in love. 

There was no denying it anymore; Robin was completely in love with you. She would light up every time you walked into class; her heart stopped every time you smiled at her, and spluttered back to life when you’d say her name. Her mind ran away from her every time you shared a shift at the video store, full of daydreams of what you and her would even do if you dated, only to be shut down by the brutal fear of rejection. 

 But you didn’t know that.

As far as Robin Buckley was aware, you only thought of her as your anxious, rambling friend who, more often than not, spent her shifts making fun of your co-worker Steve and his almost inexplicable lack of game. 

Most of the time that she was around you, Robin was forced to ‘act normal’, as if she’d ever done that before. It usually resulted in useless rambles about something weird she’d read about, like gingivitis or how most of the backdrop scenes from Star Wars were actually just still paintings. But you usually seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say, and that took some of the uncomfortable anxiety away. And sometimes, you’d even laugh. A genuine one, too, and it would make Robin’s day.

Tonight was a lot like that. It was Friday, and the typical customer buzz around the store was enough to keep you, Robin, and Steve occupied for a while. But by 9pm, the clientele died out, and the three of you were behind the counter playing a round of Crazy 8s. 

“Hah!” Robin said, slamming her palm to the pile of cards. She pulled it back to reveal an 8 of clubs, a proud smile on her face. “Suck it, Steve! Last card,” she huffed, leaning on the counter as you and Steve stared expectantly at her. “Oh, right. And it’s hearts now.”

Steve huffed, glancing at his cards before taking one from the pick-up pile. “Dick move, Buckley.”

“Dick face, Harrington.”

“What does that even mean?” You asked, looking at yours before placing a 3 on the pile. 

Robin just shrugged, her lips forming a smirk as she placed her final card down. “I win!” 

“Alright, I’m out,” Steve huffed, tossing his cards on the pile. You couldn’t help the overwhelming amount of clubs he had, causing you to stifle a giggle. “See you losers tomorrow.” 

“Good luck with that, Steve, ‘cause I won’t be here.” You mentioned, scooping the cards into your hands. “Mom’s taking me to Indianapolis for some family thing. Had to cancel my morning shift, which means…” 

Steve, who had been retrieving his jacket and car keys from under the counter, turned back with what you could only describe as a look of horror painted on his face. “No,” 

“Yep,” you said, popping the ‘p’.

“No! You can’t do this to me, Y/n!” 

“I already did, Steve.” You began shuffling the cards. 

“But Keith always smells like eggs in the mornings! And he hates me,” Steve whined. “I can’t believe you.” 

“Sorry,” you shrugged half-heartedly. “Can’t un-cancel my shift now, Keith’ll be pissed if I call him this late.” 

Robin scoffed, arms folded across her chest as she watched you shuffle the cards intently. “No, he won’t. He’s practically in love with you.” 

You shuddered at the thought. “Ew, gross. Please never say those words to me again, Robin. I beg of you. I think I’ll die, or… contract something if I think about it for more than 30 seconds.” 

“Okay, okay, I’ve gotta get outta here,” Steve said, spinning his keys on his finger. “See you weirdos later.” 

You and Robin shouted farewells as he exited the store, the bell ringing, signifying his departure. Glancing up at Robin from your focus on the deck of cards, you asked, “Another round?” 

The girl nodded, a shaky exhale leaving her lips. You were closing together, and while it wasn’t uncommon, time alone with you was something Robin treasured. And the way you looked up at her through your eyelashes… Robin was going to be combating the butterflies in her stomach all night, it seemed. 

The next hour seemed to fly by with no issues. 

No customers came by after Steve left, so you and Robin played cards and watched a movie on the big TV hanging from the ceiling until your watch beeped, signalling 10pm — closing time. 

The pair of you worked in tandem, one of you counting the cash and working out what the deposit would be while the other made sure that everything looked nice and that the return carts were empty — of course they were, Steve had done them long before he left. 

Disaster struck when you went into Keith’s office to finish closing for the night. 

The analog clock on Keith’s desk read 10:18pm when you passed it, Robin just behind you. All that was left was to write up the deposit in an email and send it to the regional inbox. It was a delicate procedure, to say the least, but with Robin reading everything out to you as you typed it up made things a lot easier. 

“You got that?” Robin asked, hopping off the desk beside you. 

You glanced at her, fingers typing away. “Yeah, Robin, I think I can remember how many five dollar bills were put in the deposit envelope.”

Robin snorted beside you, the already-open safe door creaking as she pulled it. Slipping the envelope inside, along with the deposit slip, she shut the door with a loud clang, causing you to flinch slightly. 

“And…” you pressed a few final buttons on the keyboard, the computer trilling as the email finished sending. “We’re off! Let’s shut this place down and get the hell out of here.”

“As if I’d actually want to stay,” Robin grimaced as you powered down the computer. “This place smells like…” Robin sniffed the air, her face scrunching further. “Cheetos and B.O.” 

You giggled, pushing the chair into the desk. “Gross,” 

Robin made her way to the office door, a giddy smile on her face. “What? I’m right! It’s like Keith doesn’t know what air freshener is. Or a shower.”

She pulled on the door, her smile falling as she twisted the knob. 

“What? Robin, what is it?” 

“I— I don’t know,” Robin twisted the doorknob again, pulling the door toward her, to no avail. She twisted again, frantically, panic setting into her gut. “I think it’s locked!” 

“No,” you nearly gasped. “It can’t be locked!” 

“Okay, well, I’m turning the doorknob and it’s not moving, so…!” Robin said, voice shaking as she turned to look back at you. 

“Let me try, Robin. Maybe it’s just stuck.” You suggested. Robin relented, stepping to the side as you grasped the cool metal. You twisted and pulled, your movements growing frustrated and frantic as you realised that the door wasn’t stuck — you were, in fact, locked in. “Damn it!” You exclaimed, kicking the door. “I can’t believe this,” 

Robin’s hands flew to her hair, grasping at her scalp as she tried to calm herself down. She watched you begin to pace, chewing on your thumbnail, thinking of something, anything you could do to get yourselves out of this office. 

You were suddenly beginning to feel cramped, like the walls were closing in on you. But you took a breath, eyes scanning the room, landing on the phone conveniently placed on Keith’s desk. “Ha!” 

Robin watched you rush to the other side of the desk, picking up the receiver and beginning to dial a number. “Are you calling the police?”

“The police?” You scrunched up your nose, holding the receiver to your ear. “No, that’s stupid. I’m calling Steve.” 

“Calling the police when we’re locked in a room with no way out is stupid?” Robin scoffed, taking up your previous state of pacing. 

The phone rang in your ear as you sat down on the chair. “Of course it is, Robin. Steve has a set of keys, and there’s pretty much a guarantee that no one’s going to answer a Friday night call. They’re all out busting parties and pulling over drunk drivers. They’re gonna put us on the back burner. But Steve won’t. Besides, he’s not doing anything tonight, his date cancelled on him this morning.” 

Robin barely acknowledged your words, mind running wild with the thoughts running through her head. Steve would help, of course he would. Ever since Starcourt, he knew how much Robin hated being stuck somewhere with no way to get out. She just hoped he’d get here quickly. Being stuck in a room with no real way out was one thing, but being stuck in a room with the girl you’re practically in love with was something entirely different. 

“Steve!” You practically shouted with joy.

“Jesus,” Steve groaned. “Tone it down, please! What’s up?”

You huffed, leaning back in Keith’s chair. “Look, Robin and I locked ourselves in the office, somehow, and we need you to come by with your keys and let us out.” Steve sighed on the other line. “Pretty please? I’ll buy you Burger King on Sunday.” 

“Fine. But I’m taking my sweet time getting there. I’m on the other side of town, if you even care to know.” 

“I know where you live, Steve.” You rolled your eyes. “Just hurry up. I think Robin’s losing her mind in here.”

“When is she not losing her mind?” 

“Steve,” you warned, sighing a farewell as he hung up on you. “Okay, he’ll be here soon. I think.” 

“God,” Robin groaned, palms pressed to her forehead. “My mom’s gonna kill me. My cousins are coming into town for the week and I’m supposed to clean tomorrow and instead I’m stuck here, in a room that smells like death, where I’ll probably actually die! Of, like, dehydration or starvation or something meanwhile my cousin Evan is happily sitting on my mom’s couch eating cookies or something!” 

“Starvation?” You asked yourself as you stood from the chair. “Robin, it’ll be fine. Steve’s on his way,” 

The girl barely acknowledged you, still pacing, arms flying around as she spoke. “And, by the way, starvation? A really painful way to die! It hurts, Y/n, a lot. Or, at least, that’s what I’ve read, but who am I to judge! I mean, I’ve never starved to death before! Not until now, at least!” 

You sighed, stepping in Robin’s path, making sure to grab her shoulders firmly, eyes locked onto hers. “Robin,” you said, eyebrows raised as the girl fell silent. “Steve should be here anytime soon. We won’t starve to death. All we have to do is wait out the half an hour before he gets here, max. We’ll be fine.” 

Robin’s eyebrows cinched before she shook her head. “But what if something bad happens, Y/n? Then what are we gonna do? We’ll die! And I can’t die! I haven’t seen Evan since I was 9! He lives in Pennsylvania! Hershey, Pennsylvania! Do you have any idea how far that is?”

“It’s, like, an 8 hour drive, Robin,” you said, voice quiet. Your eyes stayed locked on hers, watching the anxiety swim through her green irises. It was like you could see the gears turning, clicking and grinding to form more anxious thoughts for her to spew out in a breathless panic. 

“Not to mention the smell in here! It’s horrible! I mean, seriously, could Keith not afford a fan, or-or some sort of air freshener! And the windows! They’re so small, and they barely open, and—” 

Robin’s words ceased when you pulled her forward, crashing your lips onto hers. Her muscles tensed for a moment, eyes wide, until she realised you were kissing her. You were kissing her. Robin barely had the time to kiss you back, to place her hands gingerly on your waist before you were pulling back, sucking in air. 

“What was that for?” Robin asked, voice squeaking. 

You only smiled. “I really needed you to stop talking.” You joked, a hesitant hand reaching up to brush some of Robin’s hair from her face. “Besides, I’ve been wanting to do that for, like, 6 months.” 

“Oh,” Robin said, nodding briefly before she smiled, cheeks burning red. “Can you do it again?” 

You smiled wide, nodding ecstatically before placing your hands on Robin’s neck, pulling her closer so that you could kiss her again. 

It was slower this time, a test of the waters as you both melted into one another’s touch. A delicate kiss, one that said a lot more than either of you could find the words for. Robin’s fingers dug into the flesh of your waist, her mind barely comprehending what was happening right now. 

The rest of the world seemed to fall away at that moment, so much so that neither of you paid attention to the soundscape around you, failing to hear the sound of keys jingling in the lock — the door to the office squealing as it opened, and the subsequent screams of Steve Harrington. 

“What the hell, guys!” Steve screamed, covering his eyes as you and Robin jumped away from one another, lips swollen and cheeks burning. “I leave you by yourselves for an hour and a half and you’ve got your tongues down each other’s throats!” 

“Thanks, Steve,” you said, sheepish as you took Robin’s hand, leading her past his gobsmacked form. 

“You owe me a hell of a lot more than just Burger King for making me see that.” 

“Sure thing!” You called out as you and Robin slung your bags over your shoulders.

“Thank you, dingus!” Robin shouted over her shoulder, smiling wide at Steve, following you out of the store.

You huffed a laugh and smiled at Robin, swinging your hands as you grabbed your keys from your pocket. “Want a ride home?”

“Sure,” Robin smiled, relishing the feeling of your hand in hers. She made sure to keep it there during the entire drive to her house, and as often as she could after that, too.

forever taglist: @mazerunnerrose @theboldandthebootyful @miraclesoflove @heliads

robin buckley taglist: @sunshine-daisies-library (open!)

taglist form here!

[novlr]

how to write a character dealing with addiction (like drugs, cigarettes etc..)

Writing a character with an addiction is to write about someone who is controlled by that substance. They are chasing that first experience of euphoria, pain relief, excess energy, or relaxation. They are avoiding the emotional and physical crashes of withdrawal. Their behavior to outsiders often appears erratic and illogical. It is a powerful motivator for a character and can drive a plot, be an obstacle, and/or an antagonist. 

How does addiction work?

Addictive substances typically mimic naturally occurring chemicals in the body. They amplify the effects of these chemicals and flood the body. Stimulants will give a person extra, even excessive, amounts of energy, relaxants will relieve tension, and pain relievers will bring about euphoria. Whatever the substance of choice, it counters stress in some form. 

Many people self-medicate for underlying physical or mental conditions. Others take them to fit in with a social group. As a writer, you need to ask yourself a very important question: Why did your character first start taking this substance? That will inform you about why they continue. Are they escaping pain? Quieting anxiety or racing thoughts? Do they need to take it to fit into their social group? What happens when they stop taking it?  

Addiction is an illness. It is a medical condition. Treating it as a matter of willpower is to doom a person to suffer. There are effective medical and psychological therapies that, especially when combined, can provide a way back to health, sobriety, and thriving.

Cravings

The important thing to understand about these substances is that the high always goes away. The emotional payoff of that first use is never achieved again. Each subsequent use has diminished payoffs and the after-effects are worsened. This is because the body is a fantastic accountant and will produce less of the mimicked substance because, hey, there’s an excess here. So your character will crave the substance in order to just feel baseline normal. 

Withdrawal

Don’t underestimate the fear of withdrawal. It is an uncomfortable and sometimes life-threatening set of physical symptoms. 

The degree and nature of the symptoms will vary depending on the substance, the amount usually consumed, and the length of time it’s been used. Caffeine, for example, will trigger headaches. Alcohol withdrawal can include shakes, nausea, seizures, and damage to the brain’s memory and balance systems. Opiate withdrawal can cause anxiety, nausea, muscle aches, and insomnia. Read up on the specifics of the substance your character is using. Be sure to use reputable medical websites. I’ve listed a couple in the resources section. 

People want to avoid withdrawal and will use substances to ease those symptoms, thus feeding the addiction. Again, there are medical interventions that can soften the withdrawal and support the patient through this medical crisis. 

Recovery

People with addictions can sometimes respond well to treatment and have a low risk of relapse. Others are not so fortunate and will bounce in and out of recovery. 

Fear of withdrawal is one reason. Another factor is developmental. The younger a person is when they start taking a substance, the harder it is to stop. This may be due to learned coping mechanisms, changes to the developing brain and body, or a combination of the two. 

How old was your character when they started taking the substance? Who introduced them to it? Was it a parent handing them a beer at age five or a pain pill at age twelve? Was it friends at a high school party? Or did they start in adulthood? This will inform their likelihood of recovery and how hard that path will be for them. 

Struggles to quit, or why does this person keep relapsing?

Withdrawal and cravings are part of the reason it is so hard to stop an addiction. There are medical and psychological therapies that can help. Rehab is a major industry in many countries. There are also several obstacles to overcome. Cost is a factor in places without universal healthcare. Then there is denial. Many people with addictions don’t believe they have a problem. And when they do, they may feel shame if they live in a culture where addiction is seen as a matter of willpower rather than a medical condition. 

How do friends and family, employers, and others in the community treat your character? Does admitting to addiction mean they are admitting to weakness?

Another social factor is that it is hard to stop an addiction if the person doesn’t change their environment. Friends that also use that substance will enable and even encourage them to start using again. Places can be strong behavioral cues. Can an alcoholic walk into a familiar bar and resist ordering a drink? 

It’s also important to remember that substance use is often a coping mechanism for stress. What happens the next time your character encounters a stressful situation? How do they resist reaching for their addictive substance if they haven’t learned other ways of coping? Do they trust or remember in the heat of the moment that they have other options? 

Do your research

Here are a couple of my go-to sites for reading up on addictions and treatments. 

Spirit Lake Wellness is a non-profit dedicated to educating the general public about health and wellness. They have a podcast, booklets, and a YouTube channel that covers a range of topics, including addiction. All information is available for free. I am fortunate to be on their board of directors and reached out to one of the doctors we work with for this article. 

The American Society of Addiction Medicine is another excellent resource for learning more about addiction and treatment. 

written by Kimberley Long-Ewing

[the-witty-pen-name]

Love is Blind Part 2

Eddie Munson x PlusSize!F!Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, smut in later parts, reader has low self-esteem and struggles with self love/acceptance, anxiety/trauma related to bullying, tooth rot worthy fluff, Eddie being a major flirt, cursing, mentions of substance use

Summary: In a last ditch effort to evade the normal disappointments of dating, a group of misfits desperate to have someone see who they are on the inside volunteer for the most recent brain chemistry study at Hawkins Lab. 

Read Part One!

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, please let me know if you enjoyed! If ! forgot anything to include as a warning please let me know. Also, if you would like to be added to the taglist for this fic, just let me know!

Day Three:

Eddie is sitting on the couch upside down, his legs hanging over the backrest and his head dangling over the seat. He stares up at the makeshift ceiling above as he pretends to play the drums on his stomach. The overhead light is starting to make his eyes slightly water but he’s too comfortable to move.

You’ve told him your name and he’s been almost obnoxious with how much he’s using it in your conversation. He’s using any excuse to work it into the front or back of a lot of his sentences. It doesn’t bother you like you thought it would, and you actually love hearing him call you by your name. It helps create a sense of intimacy where you both obviously can’t have it. It makes you feel more real to him, makes you feel closer to him, reminding him that if he sticks this out he could actually see you, maybe even touch you…

“Do you worry about what’s going to happen when this thing ends?” you ask.

“I’m looking forward to it,” he replies, moving so he is sitting upright. You sound concerned, your voice sounding smaller. “I don’t want to talk through a wall anymore, I want to talk like actually in person- not like some lab rats.”

“Do you think about what I look like?” you ask cautiously, and Eddie shakes his head as he stands up to walk directly up against the wall. 

“Of course, I’d love to see you,” Eddie explains, “I haven’t actually thought so much about what you look like, I just want to see you. You know? We’ve talked for what- uh, 7 or 8 hours at this point? Which honestly- insanely small amount of time to get to know someone. But like think about it- average date is what? 2 hours, sometimes less. We’ve been on like 4 “normal length” dates in 3 days. And usually you know you like someone by then at least. And I know I like you, and I love talking to you- without seeing me you have made me feel seen. God, that was so fucking cheesy.” 

You feel the corners of your ears well with tears- a little overwhelmed from the affirmations and attention you are not used to receiving. You realize that you never once doubted you’d not like how Eddie looks, nor do you even care either. You don’t understand why your brain won’t let you accept the same could be true for the way Eddie thinks about you. 

“I feel the same way about you,” you respond, and Eddie pumps his fist in victory. “I’ve had so much I’ve needed to work through. I mean, still working through. I have a lot of trouble accepting the fact that someone could actually like me as I am right now. I’ve always had the thoughts of well, I need to change myself and once I’m more like this, then I’ll be attractive or whatever. But, when I’m here, talking with you, I’m not worried about it anymore. But I’m still worried about what it's going to look like when this whole ordeal is over and you actually see me, and I can’t hide behind the wall anymore. But here, when we’re talking, I feel like I can be completely myself with you and I’m scared of losing that. Cause I also really like you.” 

“I can promise you there is nothing about you that would make me not interested,” he reaffirms. “I mean, I already know that you’re pretty- inside and out so it isn’t going to change anything. Except… I’m hoping you’d let me kiss you if you aren’t completely repulsed by me that is. Ugh, I’m sorry. I sound like a pathetic 14 year old boy. But, you know what I mean. Fuck, this is torturous.”

Eddie beams when he hears your little laugh from the other side of the wall again. He wants to know if there’s anyway he can get out of the experiment early. He needs to touch you, pull you into him. He wants to hug you, and have you here sitting next to him- flush up against his side. He’s craving the small pieces of physical intimacy that would just satisfy this restlessness he’s feeling throughout his whole body. It’s like he’s experiencing withdrawals but for something he’s never even been allowed to taste. He wants to shower you with affection the second you let him. 

“So, what are you hoping for at the end of this?” You ask, snapping yourself out of your daze. In the little notebook they provided to everyone, you’ve caught yourself writing Eddie in different styles with little hearts. You snap the book closed, like you're worried he’s gonna see it or something. You roll your eyes at yourself, leaning back on the couch and putting one of the pillows up to your face, embarrassed. You’re so past the point of no return. 

He takes a deep breath, contemplating his answer. Wanting to be honest, but not so honest that he scares you away by moving too fast. Case closed: he just wants to get your number and ask you on real dates. There’s also wildly inappropriate things swirling around in his head, as he reminds himself of what he did last night. But, he’s not ready to admit that fantasy to you just yet. 

“It depends on how you’ll feel most comfortable,” he settled on. “But I’d love to take you on an actual date. Like a real one, not this weird shit anymore. We can sit and talk face to face, so I can stare at you and you can yell at me to cut it out. I want to make you feel special and attractive because you are and you deserve to be entirely spoiled and pampered. However that looks for you, I’m down. I just want to be near you. I’ll go at your pace.”

You were never the type to make the first move, ever. Which is also why you’re here in the first place. You have never had the courage to vocalize any sort of desire to a man like you have with Eddie. It’s been really thrilling, the way he’s been able to help you open up. You feel like you can share your thoughts on what you want physically and he won’t judge you or shame you. You decide to be blunt. 

“If it’s actually true, that you’re physically attracted to me when you see me for the first time,” you say, unable to control the way your whole body gets covered in goosebumps at the thought. “I don’t want you to hold back. Just whatever feels right to you in that moment, do it. Kiss me, touch me, I’m down for everything.”

“Everything?” 

“I want everything.” 

“Shit, sweetheart, you can’t just say that,” Eddie responds, sounding almost pained. He chuckles, “you’re a tease, you know that?” 

“I’m just being honest,” you respond, and Eddie can hear how you’re being coy. He loves it, he’s happy to hear you coming out of your shell. He’s excited to finally hear about this side of you. You’re slowly but surely peeling back your layers for him. 

“I want you to be more honest,” he flirts. “But Christ, it’s going to be a long week.” 

There were four more days to go before the big reveal. If any of the participants felt they had a connection to another- or fell in love, they’d submit their picks to the technicians and then the technicians would set-up the next phase of the experiment. Unfortunately, if this does happen, the first time you actually get to see Eddie, it’ll still be under surveillance, most likely monitoring heart rate and whatever else they’re looking for. It will feel clinical, which is so not ideal, but once it’s over- you and Eddie could walk out together and do whatever, go wherever. If he still is interested.

“So, um, what type of girls do you usually go for?” you ask, a slight twinge of insecurity working its way back to the front of your mind. 

“Um,” Eddie replies, letting out an exhale, “Alive.” He smiles when he hears a laugh from the other side of the wall. 

“No seriously,” you urge. “I’m curious.”

“I mean- I really don’t have a type,” he states honestly. “I’d like it if she's nice to me, but that’s not even a deal breaker,” he jokes. 

“You like girls being a little mean to you?” You flirt, raising an eyebrow playfully.

“I don’t think I’d hate it,” he grins. “Um, but seriously? I guess I want someone who likes some of the same stuff as me- or at least will put up with me talking about it. I want someone who I feel comfortable around and I’m not afraid to be myself.”

“What about like- appearance wise?” you ask tentatively.

“This feels like a question we shouldn’t be asking,” he taunts. You feel your face get hot. “I feel like if I tell you the truth you won’t believe me,” he answers. 

“Why’s that?” you ask, confused. 

“It feels like you're expecting me to say skinny, blonde and leggy or something, and if I say anything else you’re going to just think I’m lying,” he muses. Your eyes widen at how well he’s able to read you, and it’s mildly infuriating. 

“I think someone or maybe the world or whatever,” he continues, “has convinced you that you aren’t attractive and I really, truly think that isn’t the case at all. And baiting me to try to confirm that isn’t going to work because I can tell it’s a defense mechanism cause you’re afraid.” 

“Well darling,” he smirks, stepping as close as possible to the wall so you hear him clearly, “I’m not gonna let you get away with it. Because, talking to you is convincing me with each passing hour that I’m cooped up in this damn box that this experiment might actually work. I have not been able to think about anything else but getting back to talk to you when I’m not here. You’re desirable, I want you and you’re just gonna have to wrap your pretty little head around that.” 

Buzz

PART THREE

Taglist:

@woahnotmecryingoverafanfiction @ali-r3n @cherrycolas-things @hellfirebabe666 @trixyvixx @stardancerluv @i--wont-run-this-time

[wildechildwrites]

Relax

Shinsou Hitoshi/Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Depression, self-esteem issues, mind control (not in a bad way but it's in there)

No use of Y/N, gender neutral reader

Summary: You haven't left your bed in days, too depressed to get anything done. Shinsou stops by your apartment to check on you and helps in his own way.

A/N: Wrote this because I've been too depressed to get out of bed, forgive any mistakes or ooc I didn't even really want to post it in the first place.

AO3 Link: Relax

You think you’ve hit a record for continuous hours spent in bed, and probably permanently fucked your kidneys because you don’t even have the energy to get up to use the bathroom. The floor of your room is disgusting, and dishes are piled up in the kitchen. You know you smell, and that there’s so much work for you to do, deadlines you’ve barely managed to avoid by calling in sick to the hero agency you do secretarial work at, but you can’t bring yourself to care. 

There’s a knock on your door, but you just ignore it, scrolling mindlessly through your phone. You don’t want to see anyone, and you’re not expecting to anyway. 

Whoever is at your door doesn’t stop, knocking harder and more insistently. You even hear your door knob jiggle, which spurs your anxiety on enough to get you to drag yourself out of bed. Your legs feel slightly wobbly, the inactivity of the last few days catching up to you as blood flows through your limbs. Catching your own reflection in the mirror makes you wince, but it’s a lost cause you’d rather not address. Whoever is knocking hasn’t stopped, and you yank open your front door irritably. If it’s some stupid solicitor–

Your jaw drops at the sight of one of the heroes from your agency, Shinso Hitoshi, standing outside your door. He’s dressed for patrol in all black, wrapped in his scarf, his voice modulator hanging loosely around his neck. His hair is wild as always, purple locks sticking in all directions, and he scans your form quickly, as if checking you for visible injuries. You remember how disheveled you look and your face heats up. 

“What are you doing here?” your voice is hoarse from disuse and your most recent crying jag, and you immediately wince at the way you sound, but Shinsou’s expression doesn’t change.

“I’ve come to check on you. I heard you were ill.” His tone is blandly neutral, as though it’s something that he does all the time, like you’re not just some stupid underling he’s contractually obligated to tolerate. His violet eyes narrow. “You’re not sick though.” 

You shrug self-consciously. You don’t understand why he’s here. You’re friendly at work, going out of your way to make conversation with the normally reserved hero, but you’ve never spent any real time together. You’re not sure what made him decide a house visit was in order. He definitely has more important things to do than checking up on you, and now you’re just wasting his time. You wrap your arms around yourself.

 “I just needed a day off.” You step backwards, going to shut the door. “Thanks for checking on me.” Shinsou’s foot shoots out, wedging the door open. There’s a beat as you two stare at each other, your mouth open in surprise.

“You’re not doing well,” Shinsou says, a frown on his face. He pushes your door open, and before you can protest, pro-hero MindJack has crowded into your disgusting apartment. You’re pretty sure it’s only because his poker face is so good that he doesn’t grimace at the mess, just stares at you, a crease in between his eyebrows. Humiliation burns in your chest. Now he knows you’re a gross waste of space, and he’ll probably tell everyone at work that you can’t even manage to keep your apartment clean. 

“Oh, little one,” he sighs. You pray for a black hole to spontaneously appear and swallow you up, but don’t get any such mercy. “You need tea,” he says firmly. “Tea, and then you’re going to tell me what’s making you depressed.”

Shinsou heads towards your kitchen with a strange amount of confidence for someone who’s never been in your apartment before, ignoring the dirty dishes piled in the sink in favor of the kettle.

Part of you knows you should protest, but you can't bring yourself to care, scraping the bottom of the well and coming up empty. You shove the pile of clothes strewn on your couch to the floor and sink into the cushions, your eyes on the hero in your kitchen. Maybe you’re just having a really weird dream.

All of your mugs are dirty, so Shinsou washes your favorite, plucking it out of the stack. You wonder if it's a part of his quirk to pick up on things like that. He even remembers how you take your tea, cradling the mug gently in both hands and plopping down beside you, sinking into your couch, his long legs sprawling out in front of him. Your fingers brush against his own, thin and unnaturally warm from the heat of the drink as he hands it to you. You're reminded of the last time you saw him. 

You've got two full trays of coffee balanced precariously in both hands, fighting a losing battle against flimsy cardboard and gravity. Your face is furrowed in concentration, your eyes fixed on your full hands when someone plucks the trays out of your grasp with nimble fingers. Your head shoots up, and you're about to protest when you see a pair of familiar purple eyes on yours. They’re beautiful up close, blue flecks making them seem almost periwinkle in the fluorescent office lights. Bashfulness hits you like a tsunami, and you try to tamp it down.

“Seems you've got your hands full,” Shinsou comments dryly. You smile and shrug, flustered by his proximity. 

“All in a day's work.” You bite your lip, feeling awkward. “I um, I got you one too, even though I wasn't sure if you'd be in today. You drink it black right? Dark roast?” Deftly, you pluck his out of one of the trays, then hold your other hand out expectantly. “Trade you?”

Shinsou stares at you intently, his expression unreadable. An odd shiver runs down your spine, like cold water dripping through your veins, and there’s a beat of silence before he finally responds, like he had to reboot. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs softly. He hands you one of the trays and accepts the warm cup from your hands, fingers brushing against yours. Despite your protests, Shinsou insists on helping you with your errand, trailing behind you to the meeting room you’re headed to. 

You pass out the drinks quickly, ignoring the odd stares that come with having a purple haired shadow lingering behind you, obediently holding the tray as though it’s the most important part of his day. 

Shinsou doesn’t speak until you're both out in the hallway. 

“You didn't get yourself anything.” There's a slight crease in between his eyes. It's adorable, the singular sign of concern in his placid expression. You’d like to reach out and smooth it out with your thumb. 

“They ran out of the tea I like,” you say, trying and failing to not sound like you’re pouting. Shinsou hums in acknowledgement. He’s suddenly distracted, his mind obviously elsewhere as he shoots you a vague goodbye before abruptly turning on his heel and heading in the opposite direction. You smile to yourself. Sometimes the heroes were so odd.

After your lunch break, a cup of tea appears on your desk. You don’t see Shinsou again, but you can’t keep the smile off your face for the rest of the day.  

You’ve sat in silence for at least twenty minutes, unsure of what to say. You wish Shinsou would just leave, but you’re not brave enough to say so. You just want to be left alone. The idea of talking about your pathetic problems with someone who has real responsibilities is mortifying. Shinsou seems content to remain unnervingly quiet beside you, relaxing on your secondhand couch.

“I’m not even sad, really. I’m just bad at being a person,” you finally say. “I fuck up everything and I'm going nowhere.” Your head thunks back against the couch cushions. Shinsou is staring at you, and you wish you could just disappear, but the floodgates have been opened, everything that’s been weighing you down spilling out.

 “It’s so exhausting to even just be alive. I feel so overwhelmed and stressed constantly about the most miniscule things. I wish someone would tell me what to do because I seem to be incapable of making decisions, even with little things like what to eat and how to organize my closet. Every choice I make is the wrong one.”  You sniffle, desperately fighting back the threat of tears. 

There’s a quick change in the placid expression on Shinsou’s face, a ripple in the still waters of a pond. 

“I could help.” His voice is hesitant but his gaze is sharp, lilac eyes pinning you down. You run a hand through your greasy hair absentmindedly, confused.

 “How?”

He stares at you with a deadpan expression until you realize what he’s implying. Duh. 

“I could… make some decisions for you. Help you be productive.”

You've never seen a mind altering quirk in action. Your curiosity sparks, and you push yourself to sit up.

“Can you just tell me to… not? Be depressed?” you ask.

Shinsou tilts his head, a small frown on his face. “It doesn’t work like that, unfortunately. But I might be able to make you feel better. At least temporarily.”

The silence while you mull over his offer is tense. You don't want him to use his powers superfluously. You're not sure if his quirk has limitations, but you don't want to exhaust it for a stupid reason like this. 

“I can't ask you to do that.” You say.

“You're not asking,” he replies firmly. “I'm offering because I want to help. It'll–” he hesitates, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I've heard that it's not bad, the sensation of it.”

You stare at him, absentmindedly chewing on your lip. Nothing can make you feel worse than you do right now, you reason. Maybe you can get him to make you clean. Or fill out bills. 

“How do we start?”

Shinsou looks surprised, then pleased, his eyes warm. He shifts closer to you, and you catch the scent of cologne, light and clean. Your heart gives an odd stutter.

“Are you going to be good for me?” His voice is barely a whisper. Heat rises to your face at the question, warmth kindling low in your stomach. You ignore your own reaction, focusing on his question.

“Yes Shinsou,” you reply. His mouth curves up, his demeanor changing instantly, slipping on intensity like a glove. A long arm drapes across the back of your sofa, boxing you in, closing the gap between you. He's bigger than you realized, so close like this, wiry muscle covering his slim form. His eyes are dark and deeper than you've ever seen them, like a twilight sky. You can't look away, a rabbit caught in the hypnotic gaze of a snake.

“Relax,” he orders, his voice silky smooth but impossibly firm. The words have an immediate effect, melting into you, tugging at your brainstem. A shiver runs down your spine, and you feel the tension in your body unfurl, like you’re slipping into a warm bath.

There’s a part of you that’s panicking, a jerk of animal instinct that fights against the downy sensation that’s settling into your mind. You try to quiet the protest. You want to be good for Shinsou, want him to think that you're good. He sees the conflict in your expression and leans impossibly closer, a gentle hand reaching up to tip your chin towards him. Your eyes drop down to his mouth, and his breath catches.

“You’re doing so well,” he says quietly. “I know it’s uncomfortable, but I’d never hurt you.” He cocks his head, voice slipping back into a more authoritarian tone. “Now, go take a shower and brush your teeth.” 

The words have an instant effect on you, pulling an invisible string. You jerk to your feet, unsteadily beelining towards the bathroom, his little marionette doll. Shinsou rises as well, heading towards your bedroom. 

The first time you meet Shinsou is in one of the many break rooms of the agency you work at. He strolls in, and you have to make a concentrated effort from keeping your jaw from dropping. He's tall and handsome, his surprisingly delicate features thrown off by the dark circles under his eyes. The coffee you're pouring overflows onto your hand in your distraction, and you curse quietly under your breath, spinning around to grab some paper towel to clean your mess. 

“Careful, the coffee's hot,” a dry voice speaks from behind you. It's low in an unexpected way, appealing despite his lack of inflection. You let out a scoff at his comment. You go over a mental list of the heroes at your agency, trying to pinpoint who he is.

“You're MindJack, right?” you finally ask, turning back to face him, your curiosity getting the best of you. He looks surprised. 

“You know who I am?” 

“Yeah, I guess. I’ve seen what you can do, read your file and stuff.” You're desperately trying to come off as nonchalant, throwing your shoulders up in an exaggerated shrug. Hopefully he doesn’t think you’re a stalker or anything. You clear your throat. “You’ve got a pretty interesting quirk.” 

“Interesting is a kind way to put it, I believe.” His tone is light, but there’s an edge to it. You read the sudden tension in his shoulders, the way his lips thin. “Most people think it’s a villainous quirk to have.” 

You roll your eyes. Morons. 

“People are just shitty about it because they’d probably be evil if they had your power,” You say, trying to sound matter of fact. “If anything, it just proves you’re a better hero, you resisted the pull because you’ve got strong morals.”

 You smile at him, and he returns it, a quick crescent moon flash of teeth that has you ducking your head.

“I guess I’ve never thought of it that way,” he murmurs thoughtfully.

Shinsou found your stash of clean sheets and is making your bed when you walk into your bedroom after your shower, squeaky clean and wrapped in a towel. He turns to you, and you see his cheeks go pink, his eyes trailing down your form before shooting back up to your face with a guilty expression. Shame rushes through you, disturbing the detached serenity you feel. You should've told him you needed to change, instead of barging in practically naked. He's being so nice, and you’re ruining things like always. You can feel the corners of your mouth turning down, anxiety fighting against the artificial calm Shinsou has coached your mind into.

He clicks his tongue, matching your frown with one of his own. “I’m sorry, I lost focus. You’re alright, relax for me.”

It’s an odd sensation, a roller coaster drop and then you’re back to tranquility. He smiles at you with that half crescent flash of teeth. Your knees feel weak. 

“I’ll go start the dishes while you put on some fresh clothes and start some laundry. Sounds good?”

The sun's dipping low in the sky, the shadows growing long as you and Shinsou fold the mounds of laundry you've finished. Time feels strange, chores that normally take hours slipping by in moments, the sound of Shinsou's voice filling the silence and echoing in your head. He tells you about becoming a hero, about training and about work. You like the way his voice sounds, the lack of inflection giving way to little tells, peaks and valleys in his speech pattern that you’ve never picked up on before.

He's propped himself against your bed, making quick work of the pile of socks he’s folding, a crease appearing between his eyebrows as he concentrates. You're struck with the soft domesticity of it all, the compassion of Shinsou taking so much time to help try to pull you out of the hole you’ve found yourself in. Gratitude overwhelms you, your chest tight with it. 

You don't realize there are tears running down your cheeks until Shinsou looks up at you, and lets out a soft gasp, abandoning the pile of socks.

“Are you alright?” he asks, concern lacing his tone. “Did I push you too much today? Did we do anything you didn’t want?” He’s so close to you, hands hovering hesitant around your face, desperate to comfort but afraid to close the gap. You shoot him a watery smile, wiping your eyes before you pull him into a tight hug. He freezes at the contact, a heartbeat of surprise before melting against you, long arms wrapping around your body.

“You're just so nice,” you say, voice muffled against his chest. You feel his lips brush against the top of your head softly. You don't feel better, necessarily, the empty hole in your chest still present, but you feel less heavy. Your apartment looks great, and your to do list is down to an almost manageable level. He’s done so much more for you than you can express, so you just hug him tighter, burying your face into his neck. 

You want to stay like this forever, huddled on your bedroom floor, cradled in each other’s arms. The warmth of the moment is shattered by the ring of his phone. 

Being a hero is a ceaseless calling. He answers, and you try to convince yourself that the curt note in his voice is disappointment at the interruption. You pull back and pretend not to eavesdrop, schooling your face into a neutral expression for when he hangs up, regret coloring his features.

“I have to go,” he says, and you muster a smile.

“I’ll walk you out.” 

MindJack stands in your doorway for the second time tonight, lingering in the warmth of your apartment. You’re back to feeling stressed, hyper aware of the vulnerability he’s seen today. You hope he doesn’t say anything to anyone. You hope he still likes you after all of this. His next sentence catches you completely off guard, your own self doubt totally off base. 

“I'll stop by to pick you up for work tomorrow morning,” he says, his voice almost casual. There's a soft pink to his cheeks, and you feel an answering heat rise to your own. “Unless you’re planning on calling in sick again.” 

“You really don’t have to do that.” You feel like you’ve put him out enough tonight already.

“I’d like to.” Those purple eyes have you pinned again, and you feel yourself nodding without thinking. Before you can blink, he leans into your space, wrapping a long arm around your waist, pulling you flush against him and pressing his lips to yours in a fierce kiss. His mouth is warm and soft. He nips at your bottom lip and you quietly gasp. He takes advantage, deepening the kiss, pulling you impossibly closer, his tongue sweeping against yours. You reach your hands up, weaving your fingers through his hair, and he lets out an appreciative groan when you tug him closer. His phone buzzes again and he pulls away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he says breathlessly. You don’t know how to tell him what a difference he’s made for you. You’ve got so much you’d like to say to him, but you know he has to go. He’s stayed longer than he should already.

“Thank you,” you say simply. You hope he understands the true weight of your appreciation. You gaze tenderly at each other for a moment before he reaches a hand out, fingers ghosting against your cheek, then slips out of your apartment.

[minkkumaz]

OUR WICKED LOVE

your history with love was a little evil, causing you to aid to your own broken heart. when you finally stray away from the dating scenes, popular boy myung jaehyun asks you out. however, you don't know if he's being truly sincere.

PAIRING myung jaehyun x fem!reader WC 3.1k TAGS fluff. angst. popular boy jaehyun. he needs better friends. reader has fear of heights. misunderstandings. OMI NOTE inspired by queen yena but i might've put shame on her name cuz idk if i like this or not. too tired to proofread, and too tired to care.

love had always been extremely evil. a forbidden force that always ended with you, a broken heart, and multiple wet tissues crumpled up in the trash. you weren’t perfect, but every boy you’ve ever loved taught you a valuable lesson. don’t let the next one fuck you over.

and while your list of lovers wasn’t long, you’d never let it define you; considering many in your grade were already stupid enough to waste their firsts. each boy that seemed to be the one that would sweep you off your feet, left you disappointed and still painfully single.

the never - ending yearning to feel something was simply ignored however, as you decided not to try as hard for your senior year. there wasn’t much of a point on wasting it away on someone you couldn’t guarantee the rest of your life with.

despite this, he made your heart skip a beat, maybe two. it was only last year that he had transferred, and many girls couldn’t keep their gazes off of him.

myung jaehyun, the captain of the sports team, was what could only be described as pretty boy eye candy. talented in multiple departments, and had crazy amounts of energy. most of it sounded too good to be true, but you still admired him a lot. 

envisioning someone like him with somebody like you was a difficult task though. he wasn’t normally in the dating scene, so you gave up on the romantic idea.

school rolled around after a long summer. the trees bloomed fragrant flowers that sometimes fell onto the pavement, only to get ran over by passerbys. mornings like these you always got to school a little earlier than usual. first days always excited you.

when you finally arrived at the familiar building, there were big banners and booths for incoming freshman, making you smile. just a little years back you walked into the gates completely clueless. however now was not a time to reminisce, as you were too distracted to see where you were going.

you tripped over your feet, colliding with the person in front of you in the process. hands quickly flew to your side to stablize you so you wouldn’t fall. as you were back up, you quickly bowed and apologized, earning a chuckle from the victim you accidentally fell on.

“it’s okay, be more careful next time, alright?” he spoke in a voice that you remember distinctly, making you shoot your head up to be met with him.

“ah– myung jaehyun! i’m so sorry.” you felt embarrassed before he pat you on the back. “don’t worry about it. you’re y/n, right?” jaehyun questioned, squinting to analyze you a bit more. the sudden attention made you even more nervous than you already were.

“yes, i’m y/n. how did you– how did you know that exactly?” he read the confused expression on your face before cracking a smile.

“you dated that popular senior last year, didn’t you?”

“wow so everyone remembers me from that? he wasn’t my smartest decision.” you laughed, feeling anxiety bubble up in your stomach.

“maybe not, you dropped on the grade list after you guys went public. i only know that because my friend was dying to beat you all year.” he put his hands into his pocket, looking around to see if he could spot his friend.

“i’ll make my comeback this year, now that i’m in books and not his bedroom watching him play valorant.” you scoffed, feeling slightly more competitive.

“i’m sure my friend will be very happy to hear that then.” he joked a bit, “well um, i guess i’ll see you around, y/n.”

you nodded him off, waving a small goodbye before watching him go towards a sports booth. the interaction left you very confused and a little sheepish. your first interaction with the cute boy and you were falling into him. 

the best thing to do was ignore it for now, and maybe avoid him for the rest of your life to prevent yourself from humiliation. putting your best foot forward (not the one you tripped over), you walked into the school to find your home room.

it wasn’t difficult, considering you knew the school like the back of your hand at that point. there were a few people that littered the desks, wearing identical uniforms as you did. you sat yourself down at an empty seat, fixing your skirt appropriately.

the atmosphere was quiet despite the loudness from outside, it was still quite early so the first bell wouldn’t ring for another hour. to busy yourself, you pulled a book from your backpack. the hardcover made a quiet noise as you placed it on the desk softly, flipping through the worn pages.

you were immersed in the story at hand, barely noticing how quickly time flew by and how crowded the classroom became. quiet laughter and desks moving around became background noise as your eyes scanned the pages. you wished you had taken note of where all this noise came from, before there was a tap on your shoulder.

“hey, y/n, can i ask you something?” it was jaehyun. he never spoke to you until this morning, and suddenly he was coming back for more? his friends laughed behind him in the background, trying to shut eachother up.

“of course.. what’s up?” you asked suspiciously.

“i was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out sometime? i know we met kind of rocky but you seem pretty cool.” he rolled back and forth on his heels, awaiting a response of some sort.

“oh– um, you want to go out? when were you thinking?” you asked shyly.

“next weekend? the fair is in town and i think it would be fun to take you and get to know you. if you’re down, you know. it’s sudden but a bunch of people from school are going so we could spend the day together.” 

any form of words felt like they were suddenly stripped from your throat. you mind told you it was a bad idea, and that it was way too soon. but your heart was telling you yes. 

“that sounds nice jaehyun. i’d love to go with you.” you smiled fondly in which he mirrored, handing out his phone for you to input your number. after punching it in, he walked back to the group of his friends to show them your name in his contact lists.

when the school day passed by, you got a moment to properly reflect on what had happened. the myung jaehyun thought your one minute interaction was interesting enough to willingly hang out with you. the same jaehyun that had girls dropping like flies and shoving miscellaneous gifts and letters in his face. 

it felt like a prank, some twisted shit that only immature school boys would pull to mess with poor hearts. yet that wasn’t the reputation that jaehyun put out, so you didn’t give it another thought.

the two weeks came and went, but in between it felt like forever. counting down the days that you get to officially hang out with him. but in this time you got to know him more, so in the end, the wait didn’t even matter.

sometimes during class he’d pull his desk by yours and talk to you forever until the bell rang and he had to scurry back. he’d shoot you glances or funny faces everytime the teacher had their back turned, making you bite your lip to hold back a laugh.

jaehyun made sure to take care of you too, despite not knowing you for long. he had some sort of motherly instinct, asking if you had eaten or if you’ve been sleeping instead of studying all night. and afterwards, he’d use the excuse that he didn’t want you to die from starvation or lack of rest before he had the chance to hang out with you.

moments like those made you blush, swallowing back any doubt that he wasn’t sincere in wanting to be around you. his friends definitely made an impression that they thought you were lame, but he was different.

through all of this you started to like him, picking up on the small things that happened. how he would laugh too hard he had to grip onto your hand to keep himself from falling over; in which he’d forget to let go. or when he gave you big hugs whenever you helped him understand a stupid grammar question.

maybe you liked him a lot, just after you swore off relationships the school year. after all, your heart moved quicker than your brain.

these thoughts buried your head as you got ready to leave your house, using your phone camera to make any further adjustments to your appearance. you wore pretty jewelery that complimented the outfit you were wearing. overall, you felt confident that this night would go good. it was almost impossible for him to awkward.

it didn’t take long for a text notification to pop up on your screen, jaehyun telling you he was outside. after one final look you tied your shoes and left to his car parked in front of your house. your proximity grew closer and he waved at you from an open window.

“hey, y/n! you look good.” he unlocked the doors, allowing you in.

“thank you.. you look good too!” you complimented back trying to seem casual.

“i’m flattered, but that’s all you. i hope you’re excited.” he brushed it off, starting down the road.

“haha yeah um– i’ve never really been to a fair before so this is my first time.”

“oh shit really? we have to go on the ferris wheel the view is really nice from up there!” he suggests.

“ferris wheel? is now a good time to tell you that i’m deathly afraid of heights? last time i went on one i almost passed out!” the mere thought made you shiver.

“come on, what if i hold your hand or something? i won’t let you fall off i promise.” his offer made you blush.

“maybe i’ll think about it.” you mutter while sinking down into your seat. 

the two of you maintained a steady conversation on the short car to the fair. fun lights crowded your vision the closer you got, blurring together to create one big mush of colors in the night. people walked around with popcorn, cotton candy, and numerous prizes. 

the scents filled your nose as you got out of the car. jaeyhun walked alongside you, pointing out all of the best rides.

“only crazy people go on that ride, it’s totally insane! looks sketchy too.” he shook his head, “the more tame ones are the few roller coasters, gravity ride, and of course, the ferris wheel.”

“i still don’t know if i wanna go on that one! i promise i’ll try everything else.”

“once you get up there and see the skyline, it’ll be beautiful. trust me.” 

“okay okay i’ll go, only if you’re right next to me.” you sigh.

“good! let’s go meet up with my friends first and see what their plan is, and we can go.” he leads you through the crowd, searching around for his group. it was difficult in such a busy environment, but he called out their names loudly once he spotted them.  they waved the two of you over as you followed behind.

“jaehyun! hey!” his friends called him over.

“whats up guys? me and y/n just got here, we weren’t around for long.” jaehyun grinned, fixing his hair from the slight wind.

“y/n?”

you poked out from behind jaehyun and waved. the relationship between you and his friends wasn’t great yet, they didn’t seem to like you at all.

“jaehyun can we talk to you in private for a second? just us dudes you know..” one of them spoke quieter into his ear. “yeah, uh.. y/n you wait here, we’ll be back.” jaehyun knew what they were going to ask him, and he dreaded it.

once the group was out of your vision, one of them spoke up sounding agitated.

“dude when are you break her heart? the dare wasn’t supposed to go this far.”

“i know i’m– i’m going to do it i promise.” jaehyun muttered.

“you better. just ditch her on the ferris wheel or something so we can go hang out without her dragging onto you.”

“i can’t leave her on the ferris wheel, that’s fucked. she’s afraid of heights.” jaehyun tried to argue.

“that’s not our problem. she’s lame and we didn’t even want her around in the first place. it was supposed to be a joke.”

“exactly, just leave her.”

not every popular student could be exactly whole - hearted, and because of this jaehyun wasn’t sure he was with the right crowd. their words stung his heart, knowing he’d have to get rid of you eventually. he was too deep into this stupid friend group that he didn’t want to risk leaving it all.

initially, it was an innocent conversation of who would do the worst dare. but then you became an unknowing victim of their game. get the girls number, make her like you, then shatter her idea of love. it sounded less dramatic at first, but he was too deep into it once he finished the first two steps.

jaehyun didn’t want to hurt anybody, at first he thought that since he barely knew you, it’d be okay right? 

wrong.

the more time he spent with you, the more he started to genuinely like you. he suppressed the idea of hurting you until it was too late. now he was running back to you with a huge smile on his face. underlying something much more disappointed.

“hey, sorry about that! let’s go on the ferris wheel, yeah?” jaehyun turned your body around swiftly, and leaded you with his hands on your shoulders. the line wasn’t very long, so surely it wouldn’t be awhile until you got up. 

“i can do this, i can do this.” you attempted to hype yourself up as you neared closer to the front.

“it will be fine trust me! i’m just gonna throw away my trash real quick and i’ll run back in line, okay?” he was lying.

“hurry please! theres only a few people left and they’re not letting anyone leave the line.”

“i will!” he crouched under the chain holding together the lines and ran to his group of friends, taking a look back to make sure you weren’t paying attention to him.

jaehyun’s stomach tightened as he watched you enter by yourself, calling out his name frantically. his friends pat his back, laughing at your reaction.

“jaehyun!” your breath quickens as the operator closes the middle bar. “please sir, let me off my friend was supposed to go on with me!” 

“sorry kid, we have to keep everything running.” 

the wheel started going and you panicked, anxiety beginning to run through your veins. you kept calling out for jaehyun, but there was no point. you scooted yourself as far into the back of the seat and blinked back the hot stream of tears running down your face. 

through your hazy vision you barely saw him in the crowd before you got too far up. he was with all of his friends as they watched you freak out in mid air.

feeling betrayed was an understatement. but you couldn’t focus on your anger when you were going to have a panic attack. the higher you got, the heavier you breathed. your hands felt sweaty as you gripped onto the bar that held you in.

maybe the skyline was as beautiful as he said it was, your eyes were wired closed, unable to tell.

you drowned out any other noise, focusing on the creaking of the metal bars as you circled around. once voices became a little more clear, and your feet hit the ground, you opened your eyes and watched the operator lift up your bar and let you out.

your legs felt shaky as you stepped to the side, settling yourself on a bench. jaehyun came running towards you, seeing your tear stained face and balled fists.

“y/n! holy shit i– i’m so sorry i didn’t want to–”

“what the fuck is this, jaehyun? you force me to face my biggest fear just to ditch me for your friends?” you choked out, wiping your face with your sleeve.

“it was a dare, y/n.” “what?”

“i was dared to ask you out.” he admit, staring at the floor.

“so this was just one sick joke? you talked to me for two weeks straight then planned to blow me off the first time we hung out?” your face burned up.

“at first it was but–”

“i should’ve known better. i’m never falling in love ever again.” you cursed, getting up to leave him before he grabs your wrist and yanks you towards him.

“wait y/n!”

“what the hell?!” you yell trying to break away from him, “this isn’t funny jaehyun let me go–”

you couldn’t even process what was happening before his lips were on yours. the kiss enveloped you with a warmth much greater than the one burning in your heart. in that moment you felt your stomach dropping, yet feeling too guilty to indulge in it.

when he pulls away, you stare at him with shock and fresh tears welling in your eyes.

“why would you do that jaehyun.. you already hurt me.” you cry, attempting to get away from him while he held you still.

“because i don’t care about the stupid dare anymore. through all of that bullshit i started to like you a little more than i thought i would. so please, don’t run away.” he confessed, “you can hate me all you want, y/n. i deserve it. just know that there was a point where i stopped pretending.”

“what about your friends i thought–”

“i don’t care about my friends at this point, y/n. they weren’t good influences on me anyways. introduce me to your friends for all i care, i want something real. something like you.”

“you’re not just saying that, right?” you hesitated before he kissed you again, this time you kissed him back.

“do you believe me now?”

“maybe a little bit, but you still hurt my feelings jaehyun!” you pout, relaxing yourself in his grip.

“and i’ll work forever to forgive you. let me take you on an official date, yeah?” he let go of you, letting his hands trail to yours. 

“you’re lucky you make my heart melt, myung jaehyun.”

© 2023 minkkumaz, all rights reserved support your writers by reblogging + giving feedback! it is greatly encouraged and appreciated. thank you! → why feedback + reblogging is so important. ~ (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ if you'd like, donate to minkkumaz !

[yumeka-sxf]

A chronological analysis on Twilight and Yor - Part 21

*This is part of an ongoing post series. If you missed the Introduction/Part 1, click here*

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The next morning, Twilight muses to himself that there are still things in the world he doesn't understand, but nevertheless, a spy must overcome fear of the unknown. While his face and tone are dead serious, it's comical that the thing that caused him to burst into this heavy-handed inner monologue in the first place is none other than his misinterpretation of Anya's reactions the previous day. AniTrendz described the humor of this scene perfectly by stating that "Loid really spent all morning acting dramatic when he's just sad that his daughter called him lame."

And yes, he really was bothered by the fact that he's still having trouble understanding Anya's emotions. While her mental well-being is important for Operation Strix, he also cares very much how she views him as a father. Unfortunately for Twilight, this trend will continue – after a whole day of fun activities, he's devastated to see the scowl on Anya's face when they're having dinner that evening. And, once again, he blames himself and even thinks that Anya could possibly hate him.

As I've mentioned before, Twilight is always cool and confident when it comes to his spy missions, but whenever Yor or Anya are upset, he becomes a second-guessing nervous wreck! It's telling how frazzled he gets when trying to figure out what's going on in their minds versus anyone else. If Anya and Yor's happiness is tied to a mission, and he's always calm and collected about his other missions, why would he get so bent out of shape about them in particular? I think we all know the answer to that.

It's also important to note that the couple of days on the cruise are likely the longest amount of time Twilight has been alone with Anya, without having Yor for parenting support. If she were with him during all this, there's no doubt that her patience with Anya's antics and the encouraging words she always offers, would put his mind at ease. But without her around, there's no one to buffer his constant freak outs when trying to analyze the mind of a child. His anxiety gets so bad that Anya even starts to feel bad about it.

Meanwhile, the big showdown on the deck between Yor and the assassins has so far been the most gritty and violent scene in the series. Endo has stated in the fanbook that making Yor likable while also giving her a profession that involves killing people, was difficult (though I think he's done a stellar job!) A reoccurring theme in Spy x Family is how the tragedy of war has led to otherwise good people partaking in immoral acts, whether for survival or because they're brainwashed into thinking that the side they're on is the right and just one. It's not only Twilight and Yor, but other characters as well, such as Yuri, Sylvia, even the young terrorists from the doggy crisis arc, as well as the assassins on the cruise – the factions that they work for, the politics behind their decisions, and the jobs they're assigned to do, are not framed as heroic nor completely evil, only the aftermath of political turmoil that the next generation has to suffer for.

In Part 13, I mentioned an interview in the fanbook where Endo states that the Forgers should not be seen as virtuous role models…he doesn't think it's correct to only see their "nice family" side. Despite all the comedic antics in the series that sometimes stretch the veil of realism, one very realistic aspect is that none of the characters are depicted as "black and white," "heroes and villains," and their professions are portrayed as more tragic and ugly than "cool." This is in contrast to other shonen series, where the main protagonists are often portrayed as role models who fight for noble causes we can't help but support, while banishing only the most wicked of villains. And often these protagonists started out "normal" only to suddenly gain superpowers, opportunities to go on grand adventures, and have big battles against villains. But Twilight and Yor are the opposite. The series starts with them already having extraordinary abilities and exciting, dangerous jobs, so the end goal is instead for them to be able to attain a peaceful, normal life…because their professions aren't framed as wish-fulfilling but as heartbreaking, grim, and sometimes terrifying.

Twilight and Yor's professions, as well as those of pretty much every other character in Spy x Family, have a lot of gray areas on the moral compass. This is why having a balance of both fun, slice-of-life scenarios, and spy/political action and drama conflicts, brings out the true complexity of the characters. Twilight may lie and act cold as ice towards people during his missions, but because we get to know him while he's living as Loid Forger, we can see that he's doing it for a noble cause, and underneath all that callous calculating, he's a compassionate guy who cares about the feelings of others. Likewise, we see that when she's not killing people, Yor is a total sweetheart who doesn't have a mean bone in her body, is a loving mother to Anya, selfless sister to Yuri, and, like Twilight, she does what she does because she truly believes she's doing good in the world.

If we only see Twilight and Yor as a spy and assassin, our view of them could be skewed negatively. On the other hand, if we only see them as a "nice family," we would be doing exactly what Endo warned against in his interview. But because we get to see both sides of them, we're able to relate to them even more, which makes us want to root for them. Is the immorality of their jobs too much to be forgiven, or are they righteous people who are simply victims of a cold war? Obviously if you're a fan of the series like me, you're opt to lean towards the positive view that Twilight, Yor, as well as many of the other characters, have been sorely damaged by the post-war era that they live in, but the commendable things they do far outweigh the ugliness of their professions, so they deserve a happy ending. And that's really the main appeal of the series – with all the gray areas of morality, seeing whether they can truly live happily without lies is something to look forward to.

Continue to Part 22 ->

<- Return to Part 20

[thoughtfulchaos773]

Refire the Sets

I'll try my best to break down what I love about this scene.

The whip pan from Sydney to Carmy- telling us something is coming. The transition gives us this disoriented feeling.

Oh, and the symbolism of the dish that triggers Carmy- they could have used any of the dishes to start a response, but they chose the one from Carmy's past.

The acting: Carmy stutters, and that frustrates him even more that he can't get the words out, Sydney's reaction to each fuck is Sydney trying to make sense of his anger.

The camera moves to Sydney and the clock behind her heightens the intensity.

When Carmy pleads, please just refire, just refire, please, the climbing music lowers a bit- signaling that this may not repeat the 1x07 review moment since Carmy tries to calm himself down.

And it won't be a repeat because Sydney speaks up for herself this time; she's not frozen in the wake of his anger; instead, she's ready to point out the reasons behind the error.

Writing: The quick dialogue happening at once- when Sydney and Carmy argue, their words collide, but they can catch everything the other is saying and react to it. There's no stone left unturned between Sydney and Carmy because they're listening to every word that comes out of their mouth.

While Sydney tells him what he was doing that caused the dead fish. Carmy hears it and reacts, and this time, it has nothing to do with the guy by the window. It has everything to do with Sydney. The rollercoaster from pleading just refire to the sudden explosion of Syd.Syd. I love how that's written and Jeremy's power behind calling her name.

The camera zooms in on Carmy when he says each word- Refire the sets. They've been sitting here for fucking ever. Refire. The camera gives us the feeling of heightened anxiety that's still there. But there's another whip pan when Sydney warns Carmy Watch it dude.

With Sydney's warning, the music returns to normal and at a normal volume. The camera focuses on Carmy again- but this time it's not as close- his panic attack is over.

The greatest part about this- this whole scene was only about 45 seconds, and it put us in a different world. That's what it always seems like with Sydney and Carmy- whether an argument or coming closer- it's a scene that slows down or speeds up the story's pace.

Kudos to the cinematography, writing, directing, and acting in this short amount of time.

[seiya-starsniper]

2. Eye contact across a crowded room

From blossoming romance writing prompts!

Friend I've been waffling on this ask for days because I had way too many ideas and couldn't settle on just one ahahha. I hope you enjoy the one I did eventually pick! blossoming romance writing prompts

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Morpheus absolutely hates flying.

The seats are too small for his long, spindly legs to comfortably stretch, the food options are limited and often terrible, and there is almost always a crying child somewhere on the plane.

But flying is a necessary evil for a popular book author, especially when he goes on tour promoting his latest novel across the US. His agent tries her best to book as many trains as possible for his trips across various cities, but the Amtrak only goes so far, and for some cities, it is even more expensive and longer than a flight.

So Morpheus grumbles and complains, but ultimately goes where he’s told. 

He is on his last flight, the one that will take him home to New York City, and he is miserable. His initial flight was too early, and then later delayed, which caused him to miss his connecting flight. It is hours before he is able to board the next one home.

When Morpheus finally lands, he is itching to leave the plane. The itch grows and grows until he is finally in the terminal, bleary eyed and under caffeinated, wanting nothing more than to drop dead in the passenger seat of his agent’s Prius and slumber until she drops him off at his condo. 

But as Morpheus exits the terminal, he does not see Lucienne anywhere. He looks left, then right, then out past the areas where she would normally be.

Panic flares in Morpheus’s mind. Where is she? Is she all right? Is it possible she got held up in traffic? But no, even on the worst of days, Lucienne has never once been late to meet him in his arrival home. Morpheus frantically scans the airport lounge once more, anxiety building as he continues to fail to see her.

But then his eyes land on Hob Gadling, and Morpheus’s entire world halts to grinding stop. 

Hob is another agent at Lucienne’s agency, and Morpheus knows that he and Lucienne are close. Morpheus and Hob have spoken a total of six times, all at publishing events at Lucienne’s behest, and Morpheus guards the memory of each interaction like a dragon jealously guarding its hoard of gold.

Hob does not see Morpheus right away, but it is clear that he is looking for someone. Morpheus tries to remember if there were other authors on his flight, wonders who it is Hob is waiting for, fighting back the urge to fantasize that Hob is here for him. 

When their eyes finally meet from across the terminal, Morpheus feels as if a live wire has run through his whole body. 

Hob has always been an expressive person, and even from more than 20 feet away, Morpheus can see the other man’s surprise slowly morph to recognition and then finally into unrestrained delight. He raises a hand to wave at Morpheus, clearly trying to get his attention, as if Morpheus hadn’t already spotted him. As if Morpheus could possibly ever miss the most brilliant and shining man he’s ever met. 

The rest of the airport fades to background static as Morpheus glides through the crowds of people, determined to move his feet to get to Hob, to reassure himself that this is real and not a dream. 

When they finally reach one another, Morpheus practically folds himself into Hob’s open arms. The other man smells like aftershave and coffee, and it’s only then that Morpheus realizes Hob has a to go cup clutched in one hand. 

“Car service for Mr. Endless?” Hob asks cheekily, handing Morpheus the to-go cup. Morpheus takes a cursory sniff before sipping cautiously. The coffee is hot, but not so hot that it burns his tongue, and it has just the right amount of milk and sugar in it. 

“You are not Lucienne,” Morpheus notes, his own lips quirking upwards, not quite into a smile, because he is still exhausted and miserable, but somehow, Hob’s smile is keeping the worst of it at bay.

“Yeah, about that…” Hob trails off, then sighs. “Her sister went into labor about 3 hours ago. Bit earlier than expected so she had to leave suddenly. She was trying to arrange a car to get you, but well, I happened to be around and I remember you hate getting in strange cars so, here I am.”

“Here you are,” Morpheus says, voice full of wonder. 

Hob’s returning smile is brighter than the sun. “Let’s get your bags sorted then, shall we?” he asks. “I’ll take you to breakfast too, if you’re up for it.”

“I would like that,” Morpheus answers, already planning for how he can convince Hob to take breakfast at his condo instead.

[teawithnosugar]

All Alone

Cheater!Ellie x Mentally ill!Reader

CW: angst/no comfort, mentions of sex???, anxiety???, depression, suicide??? kinda???, self-harm, alcohol consumption, mentions of smoking WORDS: 1.2k SYNOPSIS: Ellie cheats on you and everything goes downhill. (Modern AU) SONG: Goth - Sidewalks and Skeletons

"My hollow heart finds it too hard to trust We're all alone until we turn back to dust"

AN: I wanted to make this way longer but I have other stuff I wanna finish so this is it ig :<

You loved too much, a flaw you were aware of since childhood. Always giving too much to people who took without giving anything in return. So when you fell in love with a green-eyed brunette who made you feel good in more ways than one, you best believe you poured your heart and soul into that relationship. You gave her everything.

You met when you moved into the apartment next door, fate seemingly leading you to her everyday. You were hired at the same cafe she worked at, invited to the same parties she was, and she had approached you one day, asking you if you were stalking her. The moment you giggled in response, everything clicked and the rest was history.

You never questioned the way she knew you like the back of her hand and the way you barely understood her. She knew how fragile you were, pacing back and forth the bridge of normality and emptiness. She knew she held your world within her grasp, but you remained oblivious to the amount of women she had at her disposal.

When you walked into her apartment using the spare keys she gave you and saw her in bed, sweaty and naked with another woman, shock enveloped your very being. Paralyzed, you witnessed her hurried attempts to dress, her lips moving in haste but you heard none of it, only the pounding of your heart in your ears. You just wordlessly walked back to your apartment, locking the door and never leaving ever again.

A week has passed, and throughout this time, your ears have been tormented by the filthy noises of different girls entering and leaving her apartment every night. If there was one thing you immediately understood about Ellie during your relationship, it was that sex was her best stress reliever. You wish you could say you were glad that your pain caused her so much stress, but, find yourself devoid of emotion.

You wondered how long this had been going on. You’ve only just heard the noises now that you started leaving the door of your small balcony open. Hers was right next to it and always open. You never opened yours though, dreading the thoughts that would assail your mind once you gazed down upon the perilous streets below. You weren’t afraid anymore though.

You sat on the pavement of your balcony, legs dangling in the air as they slotted between the metal of the railing. Your dark eyes stared into the sky, struggling against the city's light pollution, you squint, yearning to glimpse whatever celestial bodies remain visible. There was a lit blunt between your lips as you listened carefully to the voice of the woman Ellie was with. She sounded so alive, while here you were, barely eating, still in the same clothes as that fateful day, lost in visions of eternal darkness.

For hours, you linger in that space, even after the lewd voices next door faded, and the scorching sun rose and set, you sat there, staring downward at the streets below, questioning why you have yet to surrender to the void.

The sun had heated the metal railings of your balcony, scorching the skin of your thighs that now fitted so well between the small gaps. The smell of burning flesh may have been what attracted the footsteps that faded into your hearing. As the footsteps paused, a familiar shadow loomed over you from the side. As you turn your head to the side to meet those green eyes, , your body creaks with the strain of prolonged immobility..

One can only imagine the sight that befell her—eyebrows arching in shock, mouth agape, her guilt-ridden gaze scanning you as though you were a crime scene. Cigarette butts littered the small area of your balcony. Your frame has withered since her last encounter, excessively so. To the point where your legs slip effortlessly through the narrow gaps in the railing. The skin on your thighs a deep red and creamy white as the flesh started melting off. There were deep red gashes on your thin arms, flowing onto the concrete.

Remaining eerily still, you watch as she climbed from her balcony to yours. Gently yet swiftly, she guides you into your apartment, breath quickening as she felt how cold you were despite sitting in the sun for god knows how long. It didn’t take long for her to call an ambulance.

Lacking the strength to move, you acknowledge that you may be dying—be it from starvation or the loss of vital fluids—it didn’t matter. You had died days ago.

Your hollow heart found it hard to trust Ellie and her words. She laid you on her lap, and you stared blankly up at her. You tried to engrave her face into your mind, the tears flowing over her freckles from her wide green eyes and her trembling form.

It was sick but your heart swelled because she actually cared, and your mind found solace in the fact she’d suffer too.

First, your vision fades, and for the first time in a week, clarity pierces through the incessant ringing in your ears. Her trembling pleas and tearful apologies. Her words were unintelligible but for the first time in a year, you felt like you understood all the thoughts going through her head.

She shouldn’t have let you be

She should’ve tried talking to you right after

She shouldn’t have been so distant

She should’ve opened up

She shouldn’t have cheated

She should’ve went to you with her problems

You gave her a smile, and you knew that was the final nail driven into the coffin of your relationship, eliciting a slight flinch from her and a resounding sob.

As your remaining senses fade into oblivion, you embrace the darkness that welcomes you with open arms. Leaving her all alone like you had been for so long. .

She stood by your side, a radiant presence in the dimly lit kitchen of the bustling house party. The soft yellow lights illuminated her green eyes, while you sat on a barstool, seeking refuge in the shot glass cradled in your grasp. She stared at you for a while, her curious scrutiny enveloped you, tracing the contours of your being, looking you up and down, unable to resist the gravitational pull of curiosity before finally saying the words she had harbored within her mind for weeks that found their way to her lips.

“You stalking me or something?”

Her words possessed a rawness, unadorned and direct. You were so drunk out of your mind that laughter erupted from your depths, cascading forth like a bubbling spring. Your laugh visibly stirred something in her, her confident facade faltered, unveiling a light blush that bloomed upon her freckled skin, like a rose in bloom.

In that fleeting moment, both of you sensed it, an unspoken realization in that moment that you were both fucked.

Shaking your head as your laughter gradually subsided, you extended a hand toward her, an offering of connection.

“I’m Y/N” your voice a soft symphony that carried your essence.

The brunette, hesitant yet undeniably drawn to you accepted your hand, rough hands intertwining with yours. She gave you a small smile, a thin veil hiding all the troubles she’d eventually give you.

“I’m Ellie”

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hello! is hair (similar to pubic in "texture") growing around the nipples a sign of hormonal imbalance or some shit for an afab person? i'm 27 and this has never been sth my body does, i started noticing the hair maybe two months ago and there is more and more of them... for the context ive never been on any hormones and i am most definitely not underweight (i know body hair does weird stuff when people are malnourished)

hi anon,

hair growing on the areola (the pigmented skin surrounding the nipple) is extremely typical for anyone, regardless of the gender they were assigned at birth or what hormones are most prevalent in their body. humans are hairy creatures, and it's considered "normal" for hair to grow pretty much everywhere except for on our lips, the bottoms of our hands and feet, and right out of the actual nipple itself.

for most people the growth of body hair begins in earnest around puberty, although there's no reason why it couldn't happen in your twenties - bodies are always changing!

the only reason I'd say this might be cause for concern would be if you've also noted any other changes consistent with certain conditions that can also cause unexpected hair growth. polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) is a common offender, as it causes people with vaginas to experience a higher-than-average amount of "masculine" hormones. those can cause more hair growth than is typical, although the big tell with PCOS is usually going to be an irregular menstrual cycle that swings from missing periods altogether to painful, heavy, long-lasting bleeding.

the other option is cushing syndrome, which results from having unusually high levels of cortisol in your body. this can cause such a buckwild buffet of symptoms that it's simply going to be easier for me to borrow this handy graphic from our friends at Healthline rather than list them all out:

and that's not even all of them; my personal favorite is that is can also cause erectile dysfunction! and, yes, for people with vaginas, it can also include an excess of hair in places where hair wouldn't usually be.

anyway, cushing syndrome is triggered by an over-production of cortisol and is most often triggered by a significant source of last, chronic stress: physical injuries and illness, pregnancy, rigorous athletic training, severe malnutrition, or mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

in all likelihood there's no reason to be alarmed about the hair on your areolas, but if you're experiencing any other notable physical changes that sound like they could align with PCOS or cushing syndrome I'd definitely recommend doing a little research on your own to see how well the symptoms match up and decide if you want to take your suspicions to a healthcare provider.

[grandeoatmilklatte]

A Christmas Diamond (Garreth x F!MC) 🎄

Could it be? A fic? After two months?!

Anyways, shoutout to @cuffmeinblack for coming up with this idea for a collaborative Christmas Weasley Wednesday! 🖤 She paired a few of us writers with some incredible artists and I had the lovely honor of being paired with @bibbysbrews ❤️!! Her work will be at the end of this fic! Enjoy and Merry Crisis 🎄

A Christmas Diamond - Garreth Weasley x F!MC (1.2k words)

Summary: Garreth has a very important question to ask his girlfriend, and what better time to ask than during Christmas at the Weasley's.

Warnings: None! 100% pure fluff!

---------------------------------------------------

Garreth Weasley awoke Christmas morning to the smell of breakfast wafting through his bedroom. He turned over to find his girlfriend still in deep slumber next to him. Taking advantage of her sleeping state, he reached into his nightstand, pulling out a small, blue velvet ring box. He fiddled with the box in his hands, a nervous habit he had developed over the past few days.

Garreth planned to propose to his girlfriend tonight, after his family’s Christmas dinner. He loved her from the moment he first met her in their 5th year, and it was only a short time later that he knew he wanted to marry her. He tried to propose several times since then, but his nerves always got in the way, forcing him to delay his proposal until now - their first Christmas together since graduating Hogwarts. Although Garreth’s family had known about her for a while, this was the first time she was spending Christmas with them, having met them for the first time the night before. The timing couldn’t be more perfect. But, despite the deep love they shared for each other, Garreth was still fearful of rejection.

At Hogwarts, Garreth was known as a class clown, many describing him as a human embodiment of Peeves The Poltergeist - never taking things seriously, always cracking jokes, and causing havoc. Although Garreth thought of himself as a great boyfriend, he feared she would find him too immature to be a husband or a father. Of course, she had never given him any indication that she felt this way, but his intrusive thoughts had been getting the better of him lately.

Garreth tried to push these thoughts out of his head, turning over again to gaze at his sleeping beauty. He focused on the sound of her breathing, slow and soft, and now the only thought in his head was how much he loved her, and how he couldn’t wait to be her husband. Without thinking, Garreth brought a hand up to move some of her hair out of her face, the action causing her to stir slightly. She remained asleep, but the reaction made Garreth jump, quickly hiding the ring box in his pants pocket as he got himself dressed. Once he was dressed, he leaned over her, pressing soft kisses on her cheeks and forehead until she awoke with a giggle.

“Happy Christmas my love! Nice sweater!” She complimented as she sat up.

Garreth smiled proudly as he showed off his green wool sweater adorned with a G on the front. “Mum made it. It’s a tradition in the Weasley family for our mums to knit us monogrammed sweaters. We all have one! Now get dressed, I'm starving!”

----

The day went exactly as a typical Weasley Christmas would - after a late breakfast, the Weasleys spent time in the family room, sharing stories and playing games, until it was time for dinner, with gift exchanges immediately following. After gifts was when Garreth planned to propose, but as the amount of gifts under the Christmas tree decreased, Garreth’s anxiety levels increased. Feeling a knot in his stomach, he excused himself to the bathroom.

Garreth sank to the bathroom floor, tears flooding his eyes as he fiddled with the ring box once again. The confidence he had felt this morning was replaced with fear. Questions of “What if she says no?”, “Why am I so scared?”, and “Why is the room spinning?” flooded his mind as he worked hard to breathe normally. After what felt like hours, but in reality was only a few minutes, Garreth decided to delay the proposal once again, deciding that if she did say no, which was likely in his mind, he would rather it happen somewhere other than his home on Christmas day. Knowing he’d have to return to his family soon, lest they become concerned, Garreth stood up, placed the ring box back in his pocket and exited the bathroom.

Garreth discreetly wiped his eyes as he stood in the entryway of the family room, his eyes locking onto his lover. She looked over at him, sending him a beautiful smile. He faked a smile of his own, his heart aching that he didn’t have the courage to do it. Their eye contact was interrupted as Garreth’s mother approached her, handing her a gift box. Garreth’s girlfriend looked at his mother in surprise as she opened the box, revealing a hand-knitted red wool sweater adorned with her first initial.

“But I’m not a Weasley?” She questioned with a cracking voice. Even from a distance Garreth could see her eyes begin to pool with tears.

“You may not officially be a Weasley, but you’re still a part of this family!” Garreth’s mother replied with a smile.

Garreth’s heart fluttered as he watched the exchange. Seeing how much she adored his family and how willingly they had accepted her gave him the motivation he needed. He took a deep breath, mustering up some Gryffindor courage before walking over to her, his hand once again squeezing the ring box in his pocket.

“Sweetheart, would you mind following me outside?” Garreth prayed he didn’t sound as nervous as he felt as he held out his hand to her. She nodded allowing him to lead her outside into the Weasley garden. It was cold out, a blanket of snow coating the grass, with more snow currently falling. Garreth cast a quick spell to keep them warm as he stopped in front of a big tree. Garreth took a deep breath as he held her hand.

“My love, do you remember the day we met, that first day in potions class where I almost blew up our classroom? I’ve been in love with you ever since. You’ve always been by my side, supporting me, never once judging me or my antics. I already consider you part of my family, but…I'm hoping you’ll let me make it official.” Garreth’s body felt like it was moving on its own as he sank down to one knee. He tried not to focus on her audible gasp as the realization hit her. He reached a shaky hand into his pocket to retrieve the box, finally opening it to reveal a simple, but beautiful ring containing a single diamond with a gold band around it.

Tears streamed down her face as her eyes jumped from the ring to Garreth’s face, which was now sporting Garreth’s signature goofy smile, the one he always had whenever he was about to do or say something mischievous. The smile she had come to fall so deeply in love with.

“Darling, you have a beautiful name, but I think it would sound better with ‘Weasley’ at the end of it. Will you marry me?”

She couldn’t control her sobs as she sank down to her knees as well, pulling Garreth into a kiss, nearly making him drop the ring box in the snow.

“YES! Yes of course! I love you Garreth Weasley! I love you!” She couldn’t muster anymore words as she threw her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder. Once the ring was on her finger and after a series of passionate kisses, Garreth led her back inside, ready to introduce the rest of the Weasley family to their newest member.

*Beautiful artwork by the beautiful artist @bibbysbrews 😘

[fandom-fuck-yourself]

What Hides In The Night Breakdown: Izuku Midoriya

Lore:

Kidnapped and sold into human trafficking at 5.

Was originally held in an underground “sanctuary” with at least a dozen other kids.

Was sold off to a German politician after being deemed Quirkless. (Normally she’d only take girls but Izuku’s face was too pretty.)

Worked as a maid with other trafficking girls since he could pass as a girl as long as he didn’t speak.

Was taught simple things like lock picking and hoarding supplies by the other girls who had been there longer.

Educated himself in secret by stealing books from the library when the owner wasn’t home.

Eventually got sold again at 16 after getting a cut on his face which deemed him “damaged” in the Politician’s eyes. Unfortunately, this time it was Sex Trafficking in Russia.

Gained many bruises and scars from beatings.

Would sometimes sneak onto client’s phones for real world updates. ( He spent most of his life chained to his bed in a brothel and was only allowed out for stage performances )

He knew Katsuki was a Hero through his small media updates and because of this, he never gave up on being found no matter how many years past. It was the only thing that kept him from going insane and losing himself (fully) to the dark.

Eventually the owner of the brothel was murdered by the mafia and they took it over, this made the beatings, starving and client lists very extreme.

Unfortunately, Izuku is very well known to the Dark Web in ways nobody should be.

Izuku was married off about 8 times but it was always to degenerates and never lasted too long. Normally just for business ventures or to make someone jealous by higher ups. He always ended back at the brothel in the end.

By 18 he had become almost immune to the abuse and the murders. He learned not to make connections, even with the other slaves. He learned to only keep necessities and a tiny amount of them. He learned to never speak and live with his head down. He learned that he didn’t matter because the loss of 1 in 8 billion was laughable.

Became extremely underweight.

Mental Health:

OCD (Needs all windows and doors locked to feel safe)

Extreme Anxiety

Extreme Depression

Memory Loss due to dissociation disorder

Occasionally has flashbacks, though.

Chronic and vivid nightmares

Low self esteem

Suicidal

Trust Issues

Authority Issues (Has has many police and high ups as clients)

Emotional Numbness

Body Dysmorphia

Eating Disorder (under)

Sex Addiction (the only thing that makes me feel real and wanted)

Substance Abuse from being almost constantly drugged

Habits:

Hoards things under bed (the only place he really had to hide things)

Checks all locks at least 3 times (mistakes were made in the past)

Avoids eye contact unless asked or mandatory (eye contact makes the experiences too exposed and can cause him to have a panic attack)

Doesn’t speak to police or heroes

Never leaves the house without Katsuki

Doesn’t stay outside after dark but likes the house to be dark.

Very submissive from habit and often blames himself for literally anything even if he didn’t even do it (someone pls protect our sunshine child he’s just a boy)

Apologizes A L O T

Abnormal attachment issues with Katsuki since he makes him the most comfortable but he’s also a hero which makes him weary.

Adores pictures and letters since he has a bad memory.

Spends most of his free time looking after his hoarded things.

[lyk-wow]

Massage Therapy

Massage therapy is not just an indulgent experience, but it can radically change one's body and mind. The purpose of this article is to emphasize the powerful effect of massage as a type of treatment on the individual's health. Anyone in anybody’s shoes can benefit from such a therapy whether it is in the case of reduced stress, alleviation of pain, extension of muscles, or maximization of sleep patterns.

Massage therapy has been there as early as man’s existence and it has modified into versatile techniques and styles to suit different purposes. The secret of its success is the expert hands delighted in the knead of the muscles and soft tissues, thereby increasing blood circulation, elevating the levels of endorphins, and enhancing recovery.

With this case in mind, adding this therapy to one’s health care Einstein instinct is bound to yield greater outcomes. Such patients suffering from the chronic conditions such as arthritis are able to find relief through regular appointments with a massage therapist. When done properly, it lowers stress levels, increases the quality of sleep, improves clarity of thought and also assists the body to get rid of toxins.

This will include a close look at massage therapy as practiced and the specific employable suggestions to improve efficacy of the procedure. Let us buckle and cruise in the endeavor of making massage therapy as effective as it is supposed to be.

It is recognized, rightly, that massage therapy relieves not only physical stress but also social pressure and other non visible suppression. Said comfort can be achieved in the deft and soothing able hands of the therapist who can make one lose touch with the usual, unrestrained demand and stress that life brings.

Extreme care enough argues the case of tensed soft tissue. Excitation of soft tissue applies help in the marketing through a massage therapy. The feedback between the finger and the muscle promotes the bio synthesis of Endorphin, which acts as an anti-psychotic agent. Hence, this makes you come along a nice deep comfort enveloping, quietness.

Physical and mental stresses do not need to be present always in the life of an individual. Following an academic, clinical and biological point of view, one could sustain that chronic strain becomes an essential factor for a number of health imbalances such as hypertension and renal disorder and many more.

Massage gives one the rare chance of melting off the daily anxieties of life and concentrating on one’s health. When such a technique is adopted into people’s life patterns, the degree of stress is brought down to a minimum and concord between levels of activity is achieved with the self.

There are different machines available in market. These machines can be used for massage at home. Explore different massage machines here. LYKWOW massaging products. All these massage machines come with warranty.

In order to make the most out of massage therapy in terms of the amount of stress you are able to release, an understanding with the therapist should be developed. It is most important however to indicate where the tension and pain is, how hard one wants the massage, and where the pressure should be placed.

Hydration is also necessary before and after having a massage. Taking water after massage helps to remove toxins which, in a normal circumstance, would be deposited into the body systems and maintains hydration balance of the muscles.

Include massage therapy in your self-care practices, and notice what levels of stress reduction and good wellbeing it can add to your life.

The effectiveness of massage therapy in the management of pain and in the treatment of chronic pain and sports injuries is well documented. They do this by looking for sore muscles and connective tissues or trigger points, and the causative pain is taken away.

One of the primary ways massage therapy aids in pain relief is through the release of endorphins, the active ingredients in the body. Whenever you engage in muscle therapy or trigger point therapy the substance endorphin comes up and this psychologically results in calmness and eases pain.

Chronic pain is one of such conditions which surprise many people, but massage therapy can help cope with it. They are there to ease the tension of target muscles and reduce inflammation thus pain levels decrease gradually. In addition, improper blood circulation to the solution reduces muscle tension and stiffness while massage therapy helps in the nourishment of the tissues.

Massage therapy is one of the most sought out forms of therapy by individuals who have suffered a sports injury. Be it a pulled muscle, torn ligament or joint pain masage therapy is beneficial in more than one way when it comes to rehabilitation. As the specific area is worked upon and deep pressure massage is used, the therapists are able to enhance the tissue healing process, reduce the range of motion loss and relieve the pain which comes with the sports injury.

It is important to emphasize that your massage therapist can even enhance such a massage technique to suit your individual needs and preferences. Your preferred technique, be it deep tissue massage or a more relaxing Swedish massage important to stress your expectations and discuss the pain levels for the perfect combination in the healing process during one session.

In fact, massage therapy can offer such relief whether one suffers from chronic pain or is recovering from a sports injury hence feels that this type of therapy should be included in one's course of healing.

Don't forget to drink water before and after the session to aid in detoxification and flushing out toxins caused by massage.

If you select the right types of massage therapist, and make them a routine, the healing effects of this type of treatment can be felt for a long time and pain alleviated.

[mariacallous]

Are you experiencing unexplained memory lapses or brain fog? Ever considered that you may have a parasite in your brain? That apparently was the startling diagnosis received by independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. 14 years ago from one of the top neurologists in the US, according to a 2012 deposition which has recently been reviewed by The New York Times.

At the time, Kennedy was reportedly suffering from a constellation of neurological symptoms, which led concerned friends to believe he might have a brain tumor. Instead, it transpired that he had a parasitic infection. At around the same time, he said in the 2012 deposition and confirmed to the Times, he was also dealing with acute mercury poisoning.

The odds of dealing with both a brain parasite and mercury poisoning at the same time seem vanishingly rare. But just how rare is each condition? (Very.) And how can you avoid a similar fate? (Pretty easily.)

There are approximately two dozen parasites that we know can reach the brain, says Hany Elsheikha, a parasitology expert at the University of Nottingham, although this doesn’t always happen; many parasites are either cleared by the immune system or end up in the gut. They range from common species such as Toxoplasma gondi, which is believed to have infected around 11 percent of the population in the US over the age of six, to single-celled amoeba that can trigger fatal meningitis. It’s unclear exactly what sort of parasite might have lodged in RFK Jr.’s brain.

While parasite infections are more common than one might assume, they tend to settle elsewhere in the body. “Parasites don’t normally infect the brain, because it has a special anatomical structure which keeps it well protected,” Elsheikha says. “But sometimes they have a special affinity to the brain, and that person has a preexisting health condition or something going on in the background which makes them immunocompromised, and so the parasite seizes the opportunity.”

When parasites have the opportunity to reside in the brain or spinal cord, Elsheikha says, they usually take it, because the brain has a high metabolic activity, which means there is a plentiful supply of sugars on which the organism can feast. However, as apparently happened in Kennedy’s case, they can ultimately end up consuming brain tissue. Their presence can manifest in a number of symptoms; T. gondi has even been associated with a number of psychiatric conditions.

“It can take a while for a doctor to pinpoint the cause, because the symptoms aren’t specific,” Elsheikha says. “It can be an extremely debilitating long-term headache, anxiety, depression, lack of sleep, forgetfulness, some vomiting and nausea. One of the key signs that a parasite might be involved is if an excess amount of white blood cells called eosinophils show up on a blood test, as they are involved in the immune defense mechanisms against parasites.”

It’s not known how RFK Jr. contracted the parasite; he suggested to The New York Times that he may have picked it up in South Asia. The mercury poisoning, though, seems easier to pinpoint.

According to the US Environmental Protection Agency, almost all of us have at least trace amounts of methylmercury—the form of mercury we tend to encounter most—in our bodies due to its sheer prevalence in the environment. However, most of the time these levels are too low to result in any health problems.

While some of this can come from residing near power plants, as coal combustion releases a range of harmful pollutants including mercury, humans tend to ingest the chemical through consuming fish, says Awadhesh Jha, a toxicologist at the University of Plymouth. “A lot of industries are near the coastline, and most of their contaminants, including mercury, are discharged into the aquatic environment,” he says. “So fish accumulate more of them.”

While there is little information on the number of cases of mercury toxicity in the US each year, studies have shown that excessive mercury exposure can cause neurodevelopmental problems in children and expose adults to a greater risk of cardiovascular disease. In various national surveys across the US, people with an income of less than $20,000 per year, low education, and those who consume fish more than three times a week have been found to have the most mercury exposure.

Risks are highest when consuming larger fish, Jha says, because they accumulate greater concentrations of mercury in their bodies over time through eating smaller species. Because of this, both the EPA and the Food and Drug Administration advise pregnant women to avoid eating shark, swordfish, mackerel, or tilefish, as they may contain higher amounts of mercury, which could have an impact on the brain development of an unborn fetus.

For the rest of us, Jha says he advises a limit of no more than 170 grams per week of fish such as tuna or mackerel—approximately a single can of tuna—and in general no more than 350 grams per week of any fish or shellfish. Exceeding these limits on an occasional basis will likely have little impact, but doing so week-in, week-out will raise your risk of having higher mercury levels in your body.

The issue remains contentious among scientists, as eating a lot of fish also has known health benefits such as increasing intake of omega-3 fatty acids, which are protective against cardiovascular disease.

“Ultimately it depends on the person and how well they metabolize toxic substances,” Jha says. “It’s the genetic makeup of individuals which determines the toxicity of chemicals including mercury.”

Research has previously shown that mercury can affect the body in various ways, which can have an impact on immune function. Common signs of mercury poisoning are joint and muscle pain, weakness, fatigue, insomnia, and excessive sweating.

Anyone suffering from mercury poisoning can be treated through medicines called chelators, which remove mercury from the blood and keep it away from the brain and kidneys, but it’s a time-consuming process that can take weeks or months before symptoms improve.

“It will gradually decompose and then be metabolized and excreted, but it still depends if the mercury is bound by certain proteins and other molecules in the body,” says Jha. “If that’s the case, it might take longer to be eliminated from the body.”

RFK Jr. insists that he’s well past any ill effects from the dual maladies. “I offer to eat 5 more brain worms and still beat President Trump and President Biden in a debate,” the candidate tweeted Wednesday on X. “I feel confident of the result even with a six-worm handicap.”

[sh1-n0bu]

congrats on reaching 300 followers!!! may i request for hetalia? (i’m not sure on the maximum amount of characters allowed so i’ll make a list, you can skip anyone you don’t want to write for) how would scotland, wales, spain, portugal, france and northern ireland deal with an s/o who’s always lost in their thoughts? like they’re always imagining up complex storylines with their own characters, impossible scenarios, procrastinating, giving themselves unnecessary anxiety, and it’s turned to maladaptive daydreaming at this point. they know this, and they say they’re trying to change, but deep down they really don’t want to because reality hurts, and they’d rather be lost in their own little world instead. am i self-inserting too much? probably-

✿ 𝙞’𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙 ✿

characters: francis (france), allistor (scotland), dylan (wales), antonio (spain) and siamas (northern ireland) x nb!reader

warnings: hints of maladaptive daydreaming, disassociation, insomnia, existential crisis, comfort, fluff, light angst

notes: phew it has been so long since i had last watched hetalia so i had to watch a lot of vids, comps and read the fandom articles to remind myself of them lmao. with that the characters also might come off OOC

hetalia fandom r u still alive????? if so then yall better prepare bc once my inbox gets flooded with hetalia reqs im gonna terrorize yall🕴🕴

francis is a romantic through and through and due to that he daydreams as well. whether it be romantic dates or acts you and him could do together, recreating gentle scenes from his favorite romance novels, plan out your date and anniversaries - francis is a romantic soul and he feels your daydreaming problem to a certain degree.

whenever he notices you suddenly go quiet, eyes hazy and unfocused, staring at something while fiddling with the strands of your hair, nails, the strings of your hoodie or anything you can get your hands on, the man would let out a sigh and sit behind you. pulling your body close to himself and slowly rocking you both back and forth gently - waiting patiently for you to come back to the real world.

but sometimes francis just can’t help but get a little bit selfish. wanting your attention only on himself but he knows it’s wrong.

so that’s why, when you stepped into your shared home with the blond after another draining day at work, he had already prepared a tea party setup with your favorite novel’s theme, dressed up as your favorite character with a charming smile and gentle eyes. candles lit, the freshly baked goods’ scent wafting through the air enough to make you drool alongside a hot, steaming marble pot filled with a chamomile tea.

“mon amour, would you care for a tea with me?”

before you two started dating, allistor thought of your stimming and daydreaming moments as something familiar to his brother, arthur.

perhaps you saw something that the normal people couldn’t see and interact with them like his little brother, so the redhead didn’t ask anything of it nor did he thought it’s anything problematic. however he got smacked in the face by how deeply your maladaptive daydreaming problems run when after your date at the cafe together, you almost got hit by a car when crossing the street with unfocused eyes and slow, dragged steps.

since then, allistor took it upon himself to study and research more about the differences of daydreaming and maladaptive ones, what causes them to happen, the reason for one to end up having such an odd yet harsh behavior.

whenever you would end up stimming with your headphones plugged in, mindlessly and robotically going through your work with an eerie silence - the man would observe you for a while, trying to decipher if you’re slipping a bit too deep into the dreams before walking over to you and gently tapping on your shoulder.

when your lovely eyes would lock with his own bright blue ones he would give you a smile and reach out a hand. a silent invitation for a slow dance with him - a formerly talked upon agreement that you two made to help you reground again after another slip.

“dalrin’ would you care to share your dreams with me?”

dylan loves fantasy creatures and stories like his brothers and due to that the blond daydreams quite often as well. about the different mythical creatures, their origins, territory, how they would live and interact with one another - all sorts of things.

he tends to stim a lot without even noticing as well so dylan would be the best person to share your struggles of maladaptive daydreaming. not to mention the short man always carries around a big sponge or those cute, character shaped stress balls.

the first time when he found you completely unresponsive laying on your bed with your headphones in, dylan immediately knew what was going on. so he silently slipped into the bed next to you, held your hand in his own and rubbed slow circles into the flesh until you came back again.

since then you both had made a promise to each other to try and get better. slowly but surely working on your behaviors, problems and sudden slips. and it’s safe to say that you both had gotten better.

“cupcake! if you slip down the rabbit hole again then take my hand and drag me down with you! ‘cuz i don’t ever want to be without you.”

antonio is a bright and optimistic young man, however sometimes he comes off as blunt and insensitive due to him not fully being able to read the situation at hand.

perhaps it’s due to his inability to read the room that he was able to snap you out of your slip so easily and effectively when you two first met. a simple pat to your shoulder and voice asking you “what are you doing sitting around without doing anything for?” definitely stopped your daydreaming.

after you had said your answer to him in an unsure voice, the bright smile wearing man simple smiled even brighter and asked you if you wanted to be friends.

and since then antonio and you two became friends. meeting up in small shops, restaurants, gardens, everywhere anywhere all at once until one day after almost 2 years of friendship the young man asked you if you would like to take your relationship a step further.

whenever he finds you stimming with your fingers while gazing at someplace far away, he just can’t help but get a bit sad. you wanted to be someplace that’s not here and antonio didn’t want you to go somewhere where he can’t be with you.

so he would always rubs simple shapes into your hand or shoulder, giving you an unusually melancholic smile with his pinky raised.

“pinky promise to always come back from your wonderland to me?”

siamas is a loud and chatty fellow - the perfect human representation of a golden retriever if only he had blond hair instead of red.

it was all thanks to his bright personality that you have been getting better and better at regrounding yourself back again when alone.

when siamas first saw your behavior with his own eyes he immediately knew what it was. so the redhead calmly walked over to your sitting form on the couch, kneeling before you and started to plant butterfly kisses on your cheeks. trailing them slowly over your acnes/moles/freckles until you snapped back and let out a giggle at his sweet antics.

he always has a lot of different toys, chibis and cute little bracelets connected to his keychain so whenever you two are going out kn a walk or a date, when he feels your hand become loose in his own he would proudly pull out his keychain and put one of the toys into your hand. gently squeezing yours - which is holding the toy - in his own, giving you a smile and a proud kiss to your forehead when you ground yourself back.

“welcome back honey. so what do you think of getting for dinner today?”