#cay being dramatic

[basicallyjustmuggleremuslupin]

EMERGENCY

does anyone have an idea what you can do when your word document is supposed to be autosaved to onedrive but the last version they give you is missing several hours of work? is there a way of getting all these missing words back?

i'm genuinely freaking out right now, word apparently didn't save 6 hours of work on an essay that is due tomorrow.

if anyone has any ideas at all, please tell me!!

thank you <3

[romajuliettesupremacy]

I think that the character Marina was doing in Electra Heart was Juliette Cai

[lisired]

where angels fear to tread

pairing: jaehyun x (f) reader

genre/warnings: fwb to lovers, fluff, implied smut, angst

summary: Three years ago, you had a summer fling with Jung Jaehyun, and what was simply sex turned into more after you caught feelings for him. Then, you find out he has a girlfriend, and decide to call it quits. Three years later, he's back in town, trying to come back in your life, and most importantly trying to come back into your heart, but you're a little hesitant to let him.

word count: 14.5k

a/n: i think this was my first jaehyun fic? LOL… as always, feedback is appreciated!

“Not fair.”

“It’s very much fair, Jaemin.”

“How come the blueberry head gives you shit on the house? I asked him for a free coffee and he told me the only way I was getting coffee for free was if he splashed it on my face. Very unprofessional. I demand the manager.”

You want to tell him that the manager would just suck up to Taeyong in private because the customer is always wrong, but something in you tells you to be quiet.

“Saved his life,” you shrug, digging a fork into your pie.

“Saved his life?” Jaemin repeats, wide-eyed, “you just said that like it was the most normal thing ever.”

“I don’t think he would have actually died,” you mutter, but decide to tell the tale anyway, “You remember when I told you I was taking a two-week vacation out of town because Yeri invited me and some of her friends to her stepdad’s beach house?” Jaemin nods, “Well Taeyong was one of those friends. Saved him from drowning in the pool, and ever since he thinks he owes me his life, so he gives me a lifetime worth of stuff on the house.”

You consider Jaemin your best friend, although him not physically being with you for the past two years was the reason why he’s unaware of some minor details of your life during those years. Of course, he knew about the vacation—you had so much fun that you told him nearly every damn detail of it—but there was still some things you kept to yourself. Such as how you saved Taeyong from drowning. You thought that you’d look like a praise-seeker for bringing that up anyway.

You scan the room for Taeyong (the blueberry head) and once your eyes find him, you wave and wink. He waves back and smiles bashfully, before tending to one of his customers. You also think that Taeyong might have a little crush on you, but that’s not relevant at the moment.

“Oh wow. I guess not all heroes wear capes. Some heroes wear pie crumbs on their mouths.”

You wipe the corner of your mouth with a napkin then squeeze it into a ball to throw at Jaemin, making him gasp dramatically and start rambling about how you shouldn’t treat the best friend you haven’t seen in two years like this, but the chime of the cafe door distracts you. Your face falls in horror, and you’re still as a statue as it all races back. The pain, the memories, the emotions, everything you gave him that you can’t take back.

“I have to go,” you say, but Jaemin grabs your wrist.

His voice is filled to the brim with concern, “What’s wrong?”

Where you do even start? You sigh, ducking your head on the table in an attempt to cover your face the best that you can. The past is intertwining with the present and you do not enjoy it one bit. Fortunately, he sits away from you and doesn’t seem to acknowledge your presence in the room, but it’s just your luck that for the first time you’re seeing him in almost two years, he chooses to show up right here, right now.

“See that guy that just walked in?”

Jaemin nods with reluctance, subtly scanning said guy with his eyes, “Yeah, what about him?”

With a deep breath, you brace yourself for uncovering a part of your past that you’d rather keep ancient history, “Remember that fling I told you about from the vacation? That was him. And I never told you this, but we didn’t exactly end on the best of terms. I called it quits when I found out that he had a girlfriend.”

Another one of the vay-cay details that you kept to yourself. Technically, you did tell him about the fling, but it was nothing too specific aside from the fact that you were getting dicked down. You never told him about the way things abruptly ended, and you sure as hell never told him that you caught feelings for a cheater.

Jaemin’s face falls, and you’re not sure why. You think that he’s offended because you never told him about something so huge (and he is, but the two of you have bigger fish to fry at the moment so he decides it best to complain later).

Eyebrows furrowed, you ask, “What’s wrong?”

“Jaehyun is…” he pauses, and your lips part to ask how he knows his name until, “Jaehyun is my roommate.”

If you had the energy, you would sigh. Of course, Jaehyun also happens to move back in town and ultimately transfer back into your college for the second semester. You had to be a criminal in your past life, what else could you have possibly done to deserve something like this?

Taeyong walks over to your table, wearing a discontent frown, “Jaehyun’s here, do you want me to distract him so that you can leave without him noticing?”

“No way the blueberry head knew about this before me.” Ah, there it goes.

Taeyong glares, but he doesn’t say anything, instead locking his eyes on you to catch your response and his face softens when he does.

“Please,” you sigh in relief, “Thanks Tae, you’re a lifesaver.”

Taeyong smiles at the weight of your words, “It’s the least I could do. Now you two get out of here.”

It isn’t something that you need to be told twice, Taeyong goes to distract Jaehyun and you two bolt the fuck out of there. Though even out of sight, Jaehyun isn’t out of mind. In the beginning you knew it was nothing serious, Jaehyun had other girls that he fucked. But the fact that he was cheating on some poor, innocent girl was more then you could handle, and it would be selfish of you to risk getting caught up in that mess.

For a while, you and Jaemin ride in near silence. It’s your car, but he claims you aren’t in the right headspace to drive and you didn’t argue. You don’t feel the best at the moment.

“Is this a bad time to invite you to my roommate’s Summer Break Kick-off party this Friday,” Jaemin asks over the radio, his voice cutting through the SHINee song playing lowly.

“Kinda,” you snort. “Is he coming?”

“Probably, yeah. I mean, he was invited. But my roommate’s other house is pretty big it’s been forever since we last partied.”

You blink. Why does your roommate…

“Don’t question it. I don’t know either.”

You fight the urge to laugh. Instead, you weigh out the pros and cons. Technically, you and Jaemin could always find another place to party if you wanted to so bad, and even if the house was big, there’s still a fair chance of you running into the one man you dread ever seeing again. You aren’t too sure if that’s something that you’re ready to risk right now.

You sigh again, pressing your face against the car window. “I’ll think about it.”

You haven’t stepped foot in a place this expensive-looking since Yeri invited you on that little summer vacation to her stepdad’s beach house (two years ago.)

Jaemin somehow managed to convince you to show up by pinky promising to do a week’s worth of your assignments next semester, and you’d be a fool for turning that offer down. It isn’t clear from the outside, but academically Jaemin is sharp. So now, you’re searching for Jaemin in a sea full of red plastic cups. He was right, the house is humongous, and now you’re really beginning to question why someone with this kind of fortune at their fingertips lives with three presumably broke college students.

At least they’re playing SHINee. That way you can sing along to your favorite boy band while you simultaneously search for your best friend.

It might be harder for him to spot you. You chose to wear something dull, deciding against standing out too much just in case Jaehyun wanted confrontation, so looking for you is like searching for a needle in a haystack. You two could have just spent the night karaoking with Jaemin in your living room just like the good ‘ole days, for heavens sake.

Na Jaemin, when I find you, you groan. He doesn’t answer your calls or texts, and just for this you should make him do your homework for two weeks. Three if you bump into Jaehyun. You stop at an empty spot to catch your breath.

“God, what are these guys’ parents? The CEO’s of Samsung?” you mutter, to yourself.

“Aw, so close.”

Not expecting an actual answer, you jump and turn in the direction of the voice. You find a tall, handsome man smiling at you. His teeth are so white that it looks like he eats Colgate for breakfast.

“Kai, I’m the host of the party,” he grins, yet then his expression falters, “do I know you from somewhere?”

“I was thinking the same thing!” You laugh, analyzing his face. He does look a bit familiar.

You tell him your name, and the way he repeats it once more then blinks a few times concerns you a little. It’s not that you have a bad reputation, but did he know you from something bad?

His eyes widen. “You’re Johnny’s ex-girlfriend.”

That, you are. Back in high school you and Johnny dated for some time, broke up after a while since you drifted apart from one another, but agreed to stay friends so you’re both cool. You’re relieved that’s all, but you still don’t remember where you know Kai from, and you’re almost one-hundred percent sure it isn’t high school. You don’t even think you went two to the same high school.

“That’s me,” you confirm with a nod, “I still don’t know where I remember you from, though.”

If this were a cartoon, Kai would have a thought bubble above his head, and moments later it would transform into a lightbulb, “Are you friend’s with Yeri?” he guesses, and you nod, “she’s my step-sister. She probably told you about me.”

Oh. Well now the dots are connecting. Yeri did in fact tell you about him, mentioning that his family is the one her mom married into when explaining how filthily rich she became—because her brand new step-dad is indeed a CEO.

You make an O with your mouth, “Small world.”

“I know, right?” Kai, or as you know him from Yeri (also why you didn’t recognize him immediately), Jongin, laughs, “Care to dance?”

At that, you frown, “I’d love to, but I should really find Jaemin. He’s my best friend and we’re supposed to be spending time together because he just moved back in town recently.”

Kai looks a little sad by the rejection but handles it well, nodding in understanding, “Good luck. Last time I saw him he was over there,” he points, “losing a drinking game.”

That could mean nothing good. That meant wherever he was, Jaemin was more than likely going to be shitfaced by the end of the night. You sigh internally, almost wishing he’d go back to being the shy and introverted boy you knew in high school.

You met Jaemin in your sophomore year, at a party his friends forced him to go to, and you had a couple of mutual friends, but until then you two were nothing more than strangers. Speaking of which, that’s how you bonded, even though it was a fight getting him to say more than five words at a time. You were sure your friends Sicheng and Yuta had a thing for each other, whereas he hadn’t suspected a thing. So you made a bet, and only a couple minutes later, they were found making out against a wall. He owed you 50 bucks.

When Jaemin is still no where to be find, you’re ready to cave in to defeat. You feel like you’re in a maze, walking around in circles and it shows in the ache in your feet. You’re about to give up and turn around, until you walk into something, or someone, and all audible to you is the sound of splashing before someone yells shit, I’m sorry!

Oh, you’ll make sure they’re sorry. You’re not sure what you should focus on. How your top is now soaked, or how familiar their voice is. Until you look back up and see a walking, breathing and unfortunately talking, nightmare.

He calls out your name.

Like before, you turn and walk away.

He says it again, louder, and follows you.

“I don’t want to talk to you, Jaehyun.”

Still, he tails behind you like a lost puppy, despite you obviously trying to stay far, far away, “Can’t you hear me out? It’s been two years.”

“Two very peaceful years,” you stop dead in your tracks and finally turn to face him. It hurts you to look at his face, because the memories wash over you like waves, yet you do it anyways. You want to show him that you’re strong without him, not weakness and vulnerability, “and I told you two years ago that I want nothing to do with you.”

Jaehyun’s no good for you, you know that. You know that all he’s ever wanted to do is get inside your pants, that he’s never cared for you. So why are you tempted to hear him out?

No, you refuse, you will not let nostalgia win you over. That’s all it is. You miss what you had, but you don’t know if you miss him as a person.

“At least let me help you dry your shirt, it’s my fault that it’s ruined,” he tries again, but you’re hell-bent on making him feel as miserable as he did you.

“No.”

“Y/n—”

“No means no, Jaehyun,” another voice cuts in, and while it isn’t the one you’ve been looking for, you’re thankful nonetheless. Beside you stands Kai, tall, angry, and intimidating, “you gonna make her tell you to fuck off?”

Jaehyun glances at you, and you see the emotion in his eyes, but you don’t fall for them. Not anymore. He’s already caused your heart to feel enough pain that you can’t bother to try and carry the burden that is his own. So he gives up and walks off, finally leaving you alone.

And you let out an exhausted breath.

“Show’s over, mind your business,” Kai tells the audience you hadn’t even known formed, and not willing to risk going against him, everyone returns to their previous activity. He looks at you, and all the anger is washed with concern. “You okay?”

Are you okay? You don’t know anymore. Nostalgia is kicking your ass, and though you try not to think about him, you can’t help but reminisce.

“Yeah,” you say, but you’re not too sure. “Thanks. A lot.”

Kai shrugs, “No biggie. Do you think you and Yeri match sizes? You can use the bathroom in my bedroom to change because no one’s dumb enough to go in there.”

You sigh in relief. Chivalry isn’t dead. “Yes. Thank you.”

Kai leads you upstairs to Yeri’s room, or at least the one she stays in when she’s here, and let’s you choose a shirt. It isn’t an easy decision with Yeri being the epitome of fashion, but you pick quickly to spare Kai’s time, even though he tells you that he doesn’t mind. He then takes you to the bathroom in his room because according to him, Yeri’s one is under repair.

Even though Kai is guarding the door with his life and you know he wouldn’t just barge in there without your say-so, you lock the door. You meet your gaze in the mirror, eyeing yourself closely. Everyone is insecure sometimes, but after things ended between you and Jaehyun, you were extremely self-conscious for months.

To anyone who had never been in your shoes, it might’ve made more sense than anything for you to feel better about yourself knowing that even though Jaehyun had a girl, he kept coming back to you. Yet who’s to say you were the only one? To this day, you’re still convinced that the only reason he keeps trying to win you back is because him losing you plus you being the one to end it put a major dent in his ego.

You hate that he had that kind of power over you, to the point where he made you hate yourself. You hate that a man like him made you cry so many goddamn tears and now he expects you to dry his own.

Reminding yourself that Kai is waiting, you tear your gaze from your own before tears have the chance to spill, and wipe yourself dry so that you can put on your - or Yeri’s - shirt. Now that you think about it, it’s too cute to return. You might take it. She’s too rich to notice, and even if she does, she’s still rich. She can easily replace it.

Kai greets you with a smile as you step back inside his room, and you find yourself smiling back at him. He’s been treating you so kindly this whole time, and now that you think about it, you’ve never heard a single bad thing about the man. Yeri clearly doesn’t mention him very often, but it’s never been anything bad when she does, and even when Jaemin was telling you about his roommates, he described Kai as “the funny one that called his mom a lot.”

“Ready to join the party?”

And then you frown. “I don’t know.”

Kai quirks a brow, “Well don’t tell me you look this good just to not show yourself off.”

Amused, you scoff. Kai’s been smooth from the beginning, yet now he’s unabashedly flirting with you. “Are you flirting with me, Kim Jongin?”

Confusion spells itself out on his face. You have never once said his name tonight, and the one time you do, it’s his government. “How do you know my name?”

“Yeri,” you shrug, “but if you want me to just call you Kai then I understand.”

“Well, usually I reserve my real name for my close friends and family,” he grins, and God he looks devilishly handsome when he does, “but it sounds so nice on your tongue that I’ll make an exception.”

It’s painfully obvious that you don’t know how to react, eyes a little round and your lips parting, yet nothing coming from in between. It makes Jongin laugh.

“And yes, I was flirting with you,” he winks, “but anyways, if you really don’t wanna go back out there, which is totally fine, we can just chill in here. You seem like a nice person, and I’d like to get to know you.”

“Get to know me?” You quip, finding enough balance to play into his game after being knocked down by his charm briefly, “or my body?”

He arches a brow in amusement. “That feels like a trick question.”

You shrug. “Be honest. I might feel the same way.”

Maybe it’s a good thing that tonight didn’t go as planned. Kai’s had you since the moment he introduced himself, and it seems every five minutes he gets better.

“Well, I don’t see why I can’t multitask,” He purrs, taking your words as an invitation. An invitation that he was accepting.

You giggle. He eyes you gently, noticing the way you slowly inch closer to him, “I like you.”

It’s an initiation, turning the keys and putting the car in drive, and you want to see if Jongin will take the wheel. And it seems that to your fortune, he does.

“Guess it’s a good thing I like you, too.” Jongin chuckles, and he’s so close. You can feel his breath on your skin, tickling your neck, and it makes something in you crawl with arousal.

And the gap between you closes.

You already liked Kai last night, but you definitely like him this morning.

You woke up to the smell of pancakes and bacon, and not just any kind of pancakes, but chocolate chip pancakes, your favorite. If anything can make you like someone, it’s chocolate chip pancakes.

“How’d you know chocolate chip was my fave?” you giggle, not expecting a serious response, but after the whole scenario with him yesterday, you should have already known he would have one.

“Yerim’s told me about you, too, you know,” Jongin replies, “It wasn’t even too long ago, it was winter break. We were all staying at my dad’s house for a couple of days, and she invited you over one morning. Everyone was gone but me and her when I went downstairs, and I saw her making chocolate chip pancakes. It blew me, because she’s an avid hater of chocolate. Then she told me they were for her best friend, because you love them, and after last night I learned that the best friend in question happened to be you.”

You and Jongin learned a lot about one another last evening. After you had sex, you didn’t expect to hit it off like you did, yet you spent a great deal of the night talking on his silk sheets. For starters, he’s a wonderful man. Funny, polite, respectful, thoughtful, caring, and he has an amazing personality. The sole flaw you could find in him was that he likes Hawaiian pizza. What kind of sick person enjoys Hawaiian pizza?

And you fell asleep in his arms. It was perfect, almost too good to be true. You considered the possibility of a relationship with him, you enjoyed his company and he was shameless to admit that he enjoyed yours. And yet still, you couldn’t help but think of Jaehyun.

The way he had also made you feel the same way, all those years ago. How he never fucked you and then shoved you away, but he talked to you until the sun came up, or spooned you to sleep. It was ridiculous, and you can’t believe that one encounter with Jaehyun had you acting like a teenager in love for the first time again. Not to mention the encounter in question was horrible. Jaehyun isn’t good for you, but for some reason your heart seems to still want him.

“If you want know so bad, just ask.”

“What?” Kai blinks, unaware that you’ve noticed the way he looks at you, not just now but ever since that encounter with Jaehyun. The longing in his eyes to say something, yet he resisted.

“I know you’re curious about me and Jaehyun,” truth be told, it isn’t just for him, but for you. Maybe if you remind yourself of what Jaehyun’s done to you, hear it aloud, you’ll snap out of it and shake this weird feeling. “So go ahead. Ask.”

Jongin’s surprised at how well you read him, and you can only hope that he doesn’t read you just as well.

“I figured you didn’t want to talk about it, and I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries.” How utterly Kai of him. And honestly, he’s right. You don’t want to, but at this point it’s a need.

“It’s okay,” you assure.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, then that’s okay, you know. I understa—”

“Kim Jongin,” you say, and he pauses, a part of being because he still hasn’t gotten used to you calling him by his government name, yet he loves it when you do, “I am not about to beg you to ask me. I promise you, it’s alright.”

Jongin hesitates, but gives in reluctantly, “Okay, so… what happened for Jaehyun to be so intent on talking to you last night? Break-up?”

“Not really,” you say, trying to keep your voice level and flat. You weren’t the girl Jaehyun was in a relationship with, “It wasn’t a romantic relationship. Just sex, no strings attached.”

Jongin nods, “Ah, so a fling?”

“Mm-hm. I met him when Yeri invited her best friends to your dad’s beach house for a fun summer vacation during break. We hit it off well and it wasn’t much longer that he had me in his sheets. It really was fun, so we agreed to keep fucking around. And then some months later, I found out he had a girlfriend the whole time.”

He makes an understanding face, familiar with Yeri’s Pal-Cations (as she likes to call them.)

“Yerim didn’t tell you he was dating someone?”

“No one knew about us. He wanted to keep things secret,” you chuckle softly, “and that’s when I found out why.”

Silence falls over Jongin, and you sit there and let him ponder. Being able to say it all like this makes it seem so simple, and perhaps it should be. Jaehyun fucked up, and you owe him nothing. If he broke up with his girlfriend, maybe things would have been different, but he didn’t and that’s why he should leave you alone.

“Do you think he’s changed?” You shouldn’t ask. It doesn’t matter what Kai thinks, he doesn’t know Jaehyun like you do and he hasn’t known him for nearly as long. His opinion doesn’t matter.

Kai blinks. “I mean, you know what they say. Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

“But I’m asking for your opinion.”

You’ve never seen Kai so speechless. He’s always had something on the tip of his tongue, always. That’s when you consider that you’re probably dumping a shit ton of unwarranted info on him, especially since you had to practically coerce him into even asking you about Jaehyun. Before you have the chance to apologize, he answers.

“I don’t know him nearly as well as you probably do, but from what I’ve seen in the past 2 weeks, he’s nothing like some stupid, immature fuck boy. He carries himself well, cracks his jokes but he’s respectful and doesn’t push his limits, and I’ve never seen him with a girl,” Jongin says. “Come to think of it, he’s single. The boys discussed our dating situations and relationship statuses just so that we wouldn’t be surprised if we got up in the middle of the night and saw some stranger. Said he was single and wasn’t looking for sex.”

And you sigh in defeat, because the only thing that’s changed about Jaehyun according to that description is that he’s apparently single now and isn’t looking for sex.

Or maybe he was some stupid, immature fuckboy. You don’t know. And ever since you found out about her, you haven’t been sure if you’ve ever known him like you thought you did. You haven’t been sure about anything.

“Do you want him back?”

The questions catchs you off-guard. It isn’t exactly new, but you’ve never had anyone ask you this other than yourself. It’s all that you can think about. Do you really want him back? Or do you just miss what you had? What if it’s both?

“I don’t know,” you answer. And trust, you’ve been thinking about it since that whole ordeal at the café Monday. Even if you do, you shouldn’t. You don’t know Jaehyun’s motive, and there are plenty of other guys that can provide you everything he was giving you. One is literally looking you dead in the eye. He’s replaceable, you tell yourself. You don’t need him.

But that sure as hell has nothing to do with you wanting him.

“You don’t know?” Kai lifts his brow, “Or are you simply in denial?”

You feel like he’s your therapist, and the thought almost makes you laugh. Everything reminds you of Jaehyun. How sometimes, you’d play therapist for each other after you had sex, either directly afterwards or in the morning like now. It was so much more than sex, you think. To you, anyways. And that’s likely how you caught feelings.

Oh, dear god.

Even after two years, maybe those feelings you had for him still linger.

“I realized something,” you really don’t have to say anything, it’s written all over your face.

Jongin makes the conclusion, “You want him.”

Slowly, you nod. You think that you shouldn’t, but you do, and Jongin was right about you being in denial. You guess he really does read you just as well as you do him.

“I’m not gonna sit here and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do because it’s your choice to make at the end of the day, but let’s take everything into account,” Jongin starts, voice sterner than it’s been all morning, “I’m not saying age is an excuse, but he was eighteen. All eighteen-year-old boys are stupid. Take it from someone who’s been there. But he’s twenty-one now, and it’s been years. That’s plenty enough time for him to grow and change.”

You nod along. That’s true, and while you could never be too careful because who’s to say he’s changed, who’s to say he hasn’t?

Kai adds, “If you want to take the risk, take it. If you don’t, then don’t. He made an inexcusable mistake. But he’s human, and all humans make mistakes. You dont owe him anything, especially not forgiveness, but be a little open-minded.”

The decision is yours. You can hear Jaehyun out and try to salvage your relationship, or you can continue to shut him out. You don’t owe him a second chance, but god, you must admit that you’ve always secretly longed to give him one, just so that you could go back to what you had.

Whenever you contemplate giving him a second chance, you think about her. You try to put yourself in her shoes, wondering how she must’ve felt, if she ever knew that the man she loved was fucking around with another woman. Maybe that’s how they broke up. Days ago, the thought would have made you run further and further away from him. But now, it’s almost like you’re rooted in place, bumping into dead-ends.

If you were her, you’d be unforgiving. But you’re not her, you never will be her, and that makes you want to be a little more selfish.

That makes you want him.

“Thanks, Kai,” you say, truly grateful to have his unbiased opinion. Usually you wouldn’t trust people you met less than twenty-four hours ago with your personal business, but all the shit you and Kai exchanged last night makes you willing to permit an exception. And then, you feel bad because even after the kind things he’s done for you since last night, he’s still sitting here advising you on your complicated you-problems. “And I’m so sorry for dumping all my problems on you, you’ve been so sweet and the least I could do—”

“Hey, no worries. If you ever need to talk, I’m here,” Kai interjects, “and if you want me to do a bit of snooping around…”

You shake your head. “No way. You’ve already done enough for me, and I don’t want you to get caught up in my drama. I can handle it.”

“Sure, you can. But I don’t want a girl like you to wind up heartbroken, especially over a possible jackass, and at very least you should see if you can trust him before you, well, trust him,” As though he can sense you about to object, he adds, “No buts. I’m going to keep a few tabs on him and alert you if there’s anything suspicious.”

You sigh, and don’t argue because it’s obvious he isn’t changing his mind. You’re grateful.

You smile. “Thank you.”

“Of course. And if he breaks your heart, I’m here.”

You scoff, “Flirting with me again, Kim Jongin?”

“Oh, baby,” he growls, “Keep saying my name like that and I’ll make you forget he ever existed.”

Ten minutes ago, that would have been tempting. But now you know what you want, and you’re determined to have it.

Yeri thinks it’s a bad idea.

Taeyong thinks it’s terrible idea.

Jaemin thinks you’ve had better ideas, but he’s willing to cooperate nonetheless.

“I don’t get it,” Taeyong shakes his head, “That guy broke your heart.”

“He wasn’t trying to,” you mutter.

“And he still did, that’s the crazy part.”

“It was two years ago. To be fair, all of us were stupid at eighteen.”

“Not all of us were cheating on our partners with a girl we met on summer break, though,” Taeyong quips, incredulous that he’s even having this discussion with you. You’ve always been on the same page, what changed?

You groan, “God, Taeyong. Sure, he cheated. Duh, he was in the wrong. But it wasn’t me that he cheated on and it’s not like we were ever in a relationship. He couldn’t have known how I felt about him when I did everything in my power to hide my feelings. And what if he’s changed?”

“And what if he hasn’t?” Taeyong retorts quickly.

The silence in the room is deadly. Taeyong can’t believe that he’s having to talk some sense into you, all while your other two friends sit quietly observing your argument. Is he the only one thinking around here? Why aren’t they helping?

Then, Yeri speaks up from the other side of the room, “Instead of arguing, let’s just put Jaehyun to the test.”

“And how do you plan on going about that?” Taeyong grumbles.

“Letting her talk to him, dimwit, how else?” Yeri rolls her eyes, “I know that you probably think that allowing him within a ten-foot radius of her is going to break her heart, but you’re greatly underestimating my best friend’s strength. She isn’t stupid, she can identify red flags.”

“Ease up on the fighting words,” Jaemin chuckles, “but I dunno, Yeri’s right. The only way she’ll know if he’s changed is to see for herself. If she notices anything odd, she can give him the boot. It’s not rocket science.”

You glance at Taeyong. Truthfully, you don’t need his permission, and both of you know that. But it would be nice to feel validated by your best friends, especially the overprotective one.

Taeyong glances back at you, and his expression softens. He’s always had a soft spot for you, and it’s hard to tell you no. Plus, he doesn’t want to be the token villain when everyone else is telling you to go for it. To chase what you want.

And in all honesty, Taeyong wishes he could chase what he wants. But the last thing he is is selfish, so maybe now is the time he lets you go.

Finally, he groans, “Alright, fine. Whatever. Talk to Jaehyun, see if he’s really ready to commit. But if this guy breaks your heart, I’m going to quote-unquote accidentally spill the hottest coffee on his face, just to give him a taste of the fire that is hell, where he will burn for eternity.”

Jaemin shivers, having flashbacks to the first time he spoke to Taeyong, “You love a good coffee threat, don’t you? So many fighting words.”

Taeyong doesn’t reply, just glares at Jaemin sharply.

“Hostile, but I’m with him,” Yeri nods, “Mark my words, that man will die a slow, painful death if he makes one more mistake.”

“Yep!” Jaemin agrees, “Don’t worry, babes. We got your back.”

At that, you smile. Your friends are on your side. Now, here comes the real trouble.

Mustering the ability to talk to Jaehyun.

Fortunately, Yerim’s annual Pal-Cation was right around the corner, and would extend until the end of the week.

Last year, Jaehyun didn’t attend.

Correction: he wasn’t invited.

Yeri and Jaehyun haven’t been on amazing terms since she became aware of everything, which put a dent in their relationship. This year, she’s invited him in favor of playing Cupid.

You’re a little nervous, anxious about being in the same space as Jaehyun for more than three minutes after all these years. You’re scared and you’re not sure of what, because if Jaehyun’s really as changed as he implies he is, the result should be predictable.

Then again, you don’t really know Jaehyun’s reason for wanting to talk to you, and that makes you all the more panicked. Of course, he wants you to hear him out, but what does he want to come out of that? A second chance? At what?To you, your relationship was so much more than sex. But what if it wasn’t to him? What if he just wants to get inside your pants?

“Girl, please,” Jaemin scoffs, crashing against your hotel bed like he owns the place. He’s in comfortable awe, and probably wouldn’t think twice if someone told him the beds were made out of marshmallows, “you were defending his life choices like yesterday—god damn, these beds are soft—and now you’re having second thoughts? Since when do you back down from things?”

You throw a pillow at him, “I was not defending him!”

“I talked to him earlier, when he asked me if I was sure about wanting him here,” Yeri states, sitting on the seat in front of the mirror. “Told him that there’s no way in hell he’d be here right now if I didn’t want him to be. He laughed and promised me he wouldn’t do anything stupid, and I told him know, because if he does do something stupid it’s off with his motherfuckin’ head.”

Jaemin smiles, satisfied, “Yeah, that should do it. I’d be scared half to death, you could probably pay someone to kill him and no one would suspect a thing.”

“Enough about killing him,” you grimace, “I’m just, I dunno, nervous, I guess. What if he just wants to get in my pants?”

“Guess you better go found out, and tonight is the perfect opportunity. I reserved the pool, so we have the entire area to ourselves until midnight.”

“Yeah, and that wouldn’t be too bad anyways. When was the last time you got laid?” Jaemin adds.

You sneer and flip him off, “For your information, I got laid at that party Friday night when you left me for dead to go get drunk. And that’s why your ass was hungover. And Yeri, you never told me that your step-brother was so fucking hot.”

Yeri exclaims, “You slept with Jongin?”

“You slept with her brother?”

And that’s where you conclude that you’ve overshared, and it’s time for everyone to have some time to themselves, “Alright, everybody out,” you push and pull them both out, until they’re standing outside your door, “I’ll see you guys tonight.”

Then you shut the door, and lie on your bed, sighing with comfort. Jaemin’s right, the beds really are comfortable. You’re feeling drowsy already and decide to rest your eyes. There’s hours until it’s Pool Time.

Pool Time comes faster than you wished.

You’re antsy, but Yeri has SHINee’s Punch Drunk Love playing, so you feel more at ease. It also serves as a reminder that you’re going to need a drink or two to get through the night.

It doesn’t help that you had a dream about Jaehyun while you were trying to rest your eyes, about the night when you first you met him. You were at Yeri’s step-father’s beach house, and the dream was specifically when you made out in the middle of the pool. I’ll never let you drown, baby. You shake the memory away.

You glance around, and see everyone’s here. Yeri’s talking to her friend Mark who obviously has a crush on her, Jaemin’s engaging in conversation with Taeyong who for once doesn’t look like he wants to rip Jaemin’s head off, Yeri’s other friends are playing in the pool, and—Jaehyun.

Jaehyun’s seated at the bar, looking dead at you, which is exactly where you need to be but your lunch and your stomach seem to not be getting along suddenly. You tear your gaze, and glance back at Yeri. You need her help, one last push or words of encouragement, but you’re not selfish enough to interrupt Mark’s attempts at flirting with your friend and getting some.

Well fuck, you groan. You’re all alone this time, and deciding you look stupid standing there by yourself, you march to the bar and hoist yourself on the stool beside Jaehyun, ignoring the increasing speed of your heartbeat. It doesn’t help that this place only has two barstools.

“What can I get you, sweetheart?” The bartender asks you. She’s pretty, got long dark hair and a nice face. You wonder if Jaehyun flirting with her is the reason she’s been smiling so hard since before you sat down, trying to stifle a giggle.

And you frown at your own thoughts. Leave it to you to automatically assume the worst.

“No idea. Suprise me,” you sigh, and with a nod she gets to work.

It’s difficult, more like impossible to ignore Jaehyun’s presence beside you. He isn’t saying anything, isn’t doing anything as far as you can tell without looking at him, but the knowledge that he’s there has you on your toes.

The bartender brings back your drink, tells you to enjoy and you say thank you before having a taste. You need this before you dare say a word to him.

And then he dare speaks, “Hi.”

You can feel your heart racing and you don’t know why, but you do know that you don’t like it. There’s no reason to feel like this, you heard Jaehyun talk at the party. You somehow manage to chirp back quietly, “Hi.”

“Aren’t you gonna look at me?”

It feels like he’s challenging you, almost to say you’re too much of a pussy to look him dead in the face, and you know you’re more than likely making that up but Jaehyun’s the first person to know that you’re last person to back down from a challenge, so you do turn to look at him.

It takes everything in you to stay rational when you do. You get the chance to look at him, to really look at him, and you’re taken aback by his features. He looks the same, but different all at once, obviously a little older.

Beside you is no longer the teenage boy with the cute, high-pitched voice, but a man with a deep and matured sound to his voice. He’s smiling a little wildly at you. It’s the first time you’ve seen him smile in years.

You take a sip from your drink so that you don’t smile back and say, “I’m looking.”

“See something you like?”

“Nope,” you lie, as though you weren’t obvious checking him out seconds ago, “just you.”

“Aww, don’t be like that,” Jaehyun grins playfully, “smile a little, won’t you?”

“Let’s cut to the chase, Jaehyun,” you change the subject. You refuse to let his little games work on you. “Didn’t you want me to hear you out? Hop to it or I’m leaving.”

He blinks. “Here?”

Well no one can hear you other than the bartender, but it’s a personal issue that deserves the utmost privacy and it’s not like you’re willing to share your personal business with a stranger, so you agree to walk around the pool with him. Close enough so that you’re not bumping into walls, distant enough to not be overheard.

You glance at him, “So?”

Jaehyun sighs, “Rather than defending myself, I think I should apologize. For not telIing you I was in a relationship, for risking dragging you into drama, it was selfish. I was selfish.”

It was selfish. He couldn’t have been thinking of your feelings, or even her feelings.

“There’s no excuse for what I did, and I can’t imagine how belittled it made you feel. You don’t have to forgive me, and I know you’re probably gonna hate me forever for this and I don’t blame you. But I want you to know that I’m sorry,” he gives you those emotional eyes, the same dejected gleam in them, “Sincerely. And if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you…”

“Tell me why,” you want the answers that you’ve been searching for all these years. Not exactly closure, but you don’t want to live in doubt, wondering maybe you were never enough, and that’s why you were always the side piece.

“Why I did it?”

You nod, and he’s silent for a moment.

“I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know why eighteen-year-old me did the shit I did, but I know that I did it and I can’t take it back. I’ve looked back so many times and I still can’t fathom…” Jaehyun trails off, then starts shaking his head, “you know what? Maybe I do know why.”

Don’t cry, you tell yourself. You’re stronger than this. You’re blinking back tears, attempting to keep your voice level as you whisper, “Why then, Jaehyun?”

“It’s not the shocking, life-changing reason I always thought it would be,” he chuckles sadly, “it’s because I was stupid. And careless. I wasn’t thinking, but at the same time I thought I had the world at my feet, and I guess I did but then I…” Jaehyun stops to take a breath after he realizes he’s rambling. “But then I lost you. And that’s when I realized that this, the lying, the cheating, the going behind your backs—it was stupid.”

“It was stupid,” you agree, and he laughs a little more. “But let me ask you one more thing…” you say. He doesn’t reply, but his eyes tell you to go ahead. “Did you love her?” Or did you love me?

Jaehyun nods lazily. “At one point.”

You bite your lip, unsatisfied.

“Did you love me?”

That catches him off-guard. You almost expect him to stop walking the way he’s frozen, and you feel your stomach churning in regret.

“Nevermind, forget I asked that—”

“When you first left, I was unaffected,” Jaehyun interjects. “Like I said, I thought I had the world at my feet, so I thought you were replaceable. I tried replacing you. But it wasn’t the same, no matter how many times I tried, it was never, ever the same,” his eyes muse at you, “No one looked at me the way you did, no one talked to me all night and made me laugh like you did, no one ran circles through my mind like you, no one was like you. So I knew I needed you back, but by the time I realized you were already gone. And that’s when I knew I had fucked up.”

He adds, “So, yeah. I did love you. Maybe it was at the wrong time, maybe it was too late for me to love you, maybe I wasn’t supposed to, but I did and I don’t think I’ve ever stopped.”

Jaehyun’s thumb runs over your eyes, wiping a string of tears that you hadn’t even know you cried. He doesn’t say anything about it, just pulls you closer to his chest.

“What about you?” He asks.

“What about me?”

“Did you love me?”

Now it’s your turn to freeze, and then you almost laugh. Of course, you loved him. You were in love with him. Hopelessly.

“Can I be honest?”

Jaehyun nods. “Mm-hm. That’s what this is all about, right?”

You exhale a sharp breath, preparing to tell one of your deepest, darkest secrets to the one person that was never supposed to know, “When I told you the reason I wanted to end things was because of you cheating on her, that wasn’t the whole truth. It was part of it, and though I’m no homewrecker, there’s another reason. I was in love with you—hopelessly, helplessly, utterly—and I couldn’t stand the thought that you never felt the same, that I was just a plaything to you.”

“Y/n—”

“Let me finish,” you order, “I left to take care of me. I thought it would have been disrespectful towards myself to stay in that position, when from my understanding, I loved you yet you loved her,” you feel another trail of tears coming, and wipe them away before they have the chance to spill. “At that moment, when I found out you already had someone, I felt like I didn’t know you anymore. I thought that maybe you never really cared, and I was the only one that felt it.”

It, the love. The spark. The connection. The butterflies in your stomach when he held you close, or called you cute pet names. The emotion whenever he was deep inside you.

“It felt like I had given my heart to a stranger,” you laugh humorlessly, “because for all I knew, who’s to say I was the only one you were fucking behind her back? I felt so, so stupid. Like I was never enough. And when I first saw your face again after all these years, all of that hurt came back. But at the same time,” you look him in his eyes, “all my feelings for you came back, too.”

It’s silent for a moment, but it isn’t awkward. You’ve just confessed your feelings for one another, not only now, but for the you of two years ago. For the you of eighteen who never thought you’d ever have this chance.

And you can’t believe Jaehyun’s actually had feelings for you, too. It always seemed like some fairytale thing, but hearing one another out like responsible adults instead of immature teens changes things.

“Wow,” Jaehyun whispers in surprise, “Wow. I was such a fool. I made a simple thing so fucking complicated. Imagine where we’d be if I would have just broken up with her and realized my feelings sooner.”

Together. You’d be together, as one.

“Could’ve, would’ve, should’ve, didn’t,” you say lightheartedly, “There’s no use in worrying about that. You’ve apologized. And I forgive you.”

“You forgive me?” Jaehyun gawks. “Why? I thought you’d hate me forever or something.”

“I kinda still hate the you of two years ago, he’s an asshole,” you giggle, “but the you standing next to me right now, today, is a changed man who knows his mistake and won’t do that shit ever a-fucking-gain. Or else.”

Jaehyun snorts. “Of course not. I wouldn’t dare.”

You smile, “Good.”

“Good. So do we address our relationship too, or…”

“Later, please,” you groan. “Come sit by the water with me.”

Jaehyun agrees, and so now you’re sitting at the edge of the pool, your head resting on his shoulder.

“Is SHINee still your favorite band?” He asks.

“Yeah,” you mumble, heart warming at the fact that he even still remembers that.

Then he teases, “Do you still swoon over Lee Taemin?”

You give him a very, very icy glare, “Shut up. I’ll push you into the pool right now.”

“You wouldn’t,” Jaehyun challenges.

Wrong move, you smirk. You love a challenge.

So in one swift movement, you do push him into the pool, and the sound of him yelling and the water splashing is like music to your ears. You giggle, watching as he comes back up, hair heavy and soaked as it sticks to him like a second skin. You also take notice of his white t-shirt, or his abs through the soaked cotton. Six pack. Toned. Stupid dumb crazy hot. Damn, sometimes you forget why you kept coming back to him.

He sneers, unamused. “Not funny.”

“It’s a little funny,” you disagree with a smile.

“Oh yeah?” he says, “Look, Lee Taemin!”

You turn without fully processing his statement yet, “Wha—agh!”

In an even swifter motion, Jaehyun’s pulled your ankles, and now a distracted you falls into the pool with a splash. Not to mention, your bikini cover-up is still on. This, unfortunately, is karma. Inconvenience aside, you’re getting deja vu, a distant memory seeping back into your mind.

You whine, “Not fair.”

“It’s a little fair,” he mocks, and you can’t help but roll your eyes.

“You’re lucky I know how to swim,” you wringe out your hair, “You would have had an lawsuit against you if I didn’t.”

You wonder if he’s taken the hint, if he’s gonna say it. You remember that exact moment, being so close to his face and feeling so warm. I’d never let you drown, baby.

And like a rehearsed line, he says perfectly, “I’d never let you drown, baby.”

“You remember.” Your tone is like a question, but it’s a statement.

“I remember a lot of things about you,” Jaehyun states, and perfectly timed, the current song fades into your all-time personal favorite—SHINee’s 1 of 1. “For instance, is this still your favorite SHINee song?”

One glance in Yeri’s direction confirms your suspicion that this is all her doing, as you see her giggling at you, phone in hand. It was already suspicious of her to play SHINee when she’s an Ariana Grande girl, but now you definitely see her her crystal-clear intentions.

“Yeah,” you mutter, but as you turn back around you notice he’s definitely close enough to hear you. Your noses are almost touching, and you can feel your heart racing. You feel like a teenager in love all over again, blood pumping, your heart beating in your ears. Deja vu.

Jaehyun must be feeling it too, because he asks, “Can I kiss you?”

Yet again, you blush. “Sure.”

And on cue, his lips are against yours. Jaehyun’s still an amazing kisser, he feels gentle yet he’s so fierce, gripping your waist as your fingers tangle in his hair. You know for a fact he’d be even rougher if you weren’t inside of a pool.

His lips feel better than you remember, and then he bites your lip. You moan, lips parting and he darts his tongue in your mouth. You can taste his drink on his tongue, faint remnants of whatever he had in his cup.

Fuck, you forgot how high kissing him makes you feel. It’s like an addictive drug, and you can feel nothing but your heartbeat and his lips on yours. You don’t want him to stop.

And then, to your misfortune, he does stop. You whimper, not really taking notice of how out of breath you are as you’re overcome with greed.

“Why’d you stop?” You frown.

“You need to breathe, babe. You wanna almost drown in the pool like Taeyong?” He laughs.

Speaking of Taeyong, you check on him with your eyes. To your surprise, he’s still talking and laughing with Jaemin, the pair obviously hitting it off and super into one another. It makes you smile. That boy’s had a huge crush on you that you both know you can’t reciprocate for years, and it’s time he lets you go.

“Hello… Earth to y/n? You look like the cute puppy eyes emoji.”

Your eyes snap at Jaehyun, “Shut up,” you reply, “And kiss me.”

“Bossy,” Jaehyun teases, but he must like that about you, because moments later he’s kissing you again, even more passionately than before.

“Oh, c’mon!”

Yeri giggles, “Sorry, y/n. The majority rules!”

For the second day of your California vacation, Yeri’s decided to take everyone to an amusement park an hour out from the hotel. You asked her why she didn’t do Disney Land this year, but she said it was reserved for her first Bae-Cation.

You roll your eyes. What happened to chicks over dicks?

The point is, you wanted to separate into groups, considering it would be easier to keep up with everyone. However, everyone else wanted to do pairs, arguing that there was more freedom and it’d be easier to come towards a mutual decision instead of arguing over what to ride.

So everyone grabs their partners, and you’re shocked when you see Jaemin and Taeyong step beside one another. You’re incredulous. Jaemin’s just been abandoning you left and right ever since he came back.

“You two in love or some shit now?” You fold your arms, eyes pointing at them accusingly. “What happened to those coffee threats, Yong? I thought you said Jaem was annoying. And Jaemin? You said he was scary!”

Jaemin shrugs coolly. “He was, but then I realized something. Taeyong’s like an egg, he has a hard shell—” Taeyong glares, “—nevermind, he doesn’t like that comparison very much. Taeyong’s like a smore, hard on the outside yet warm and soft on the inside. Oh, and very deli—ow!”

Jaemin holds his stomach dramatically, looking at Taeyong who stands with a satisfied grin on his face. Perhaps, Taeyong still is a little scary.

“Jaem! Yong!”

“Ooh, that reminds me,” Jaemin eyes twinkle, “I think our ship name should be Jaeyong.”

Taeyong disagrees, “No way. It should be Taemin.”

“First of all, you two will never be Taemin,” you interject with a scowl. “Anyways, you two figure that out. I’ll go be with my partner.”

And you stomp away to spot Jaehyun waiting for you with a cheeky grin. You’re optionless, you suppose. Yeri’s with Mark again, Taeyong and Jaemin are obviously a thing now, Seulgi’s with Winter and Jennie’s with Nayeon.

It’s not even like last night ended poorly. Last night couldn’t have been better, you spent your time making out and drinking with Jaehyun in the pool until midnight. It was too good to be true, you felt like Cinderella, having to slip back into her normal life by the time the clock struck twelve.

Now though, you have to be alone with Jaehyun. Okay technically, you’ll be surrounded by hundreds of people, and depending on where you go your friends may or may not be accompanying you, though still. It isn’t that you don’t trust him, but isn’t it natural to feel uneasy?

Jaehyun calls, “C’mon, princess! Let’s go get hotdogs. I’m hungry.”

“We ate at the hotel,” you snort.

“So? That was an hour ago. Plus the time it took for us to get through that crazy ass line. If you’re not hungry, I’ll buy you a lemonade or something.”

A lemonade does sound good, you ponder. It’s summertime, and no amount of sunglasses and mosquito-repellent sunscreen is going to help you beat this heat. It’s ninety-something degrees.

“Fine,” you give in, and an eternity later (curse these never-ending lines) you’re sitting down at a bench, you sipping on your humongous cup of lemonade and Jaehyun eating a hotdog.

To be honest, you really didn’t need the largest size that they had. You were just testing his reaction for the fun of it, expecting to have a giggle or two, but he totally surprised you, buying it and insisting you should have it even after you told him that you were just playing.

The Jaehyun you knew three years ago was many things, and rich was not one of them.

“Let’s talk,” he says after discarding his hotdog in the bin. Oh of course, Jaehyun’s brain cannot function when he’s running low on food.

Playing dumb, you ask, “About what?”

“Us,” he answers simply.

“In the middle of an amusement park?”

“It’s important,” Jaehyun grins, “You don’t trust me.”

Perplexity is written all over your face. You trust Jaehyun on the basic level, you feel safe around him and in his embrace. But you’re not sure if you trust him with your heart just yet, and after everything he did, you have the right to be scared.

“And I understand why. I hurt you once, you’re scared I might do it again. So let’s start over,” he concludes, and you blink. “From scratch. Past aside. I want you to get to know me, and I wanna get to know you. I’m sure there’s plenty of things I don’t know about you now.”

I mean, you know the gist. You didn’t say that aloud, of course. Through a discussion last night, he still knows your favorite color and your undying love for pie and SHINee, especially Taemin, your birthday, your mom’s birthday, even your dog’s birthday—okay, maybe he knows too much. Or you overshared. Who knows.

And you still remember a lot of facts about him, but at the same time, there’s still so much you don’t know about one another.

“Right,” you agree, “So by starting over, you mean…”

“Completely,” he answers quick. “Let’s re-introduce ourselves.”

Your lips don’t quiver, drawn into a line. “You gotta be kidding.”

“I’m serious!” Jaehyun claims. “C’mon, I’ll even go first.”

“Jaehyun—”

“Aht, aht! You’re not supposed to know my name,” Jaehyun chides. “Hi, my name’s Jaehyun, I’m twenty-one, and I like Cigarettes After Sex. The band, I mean. I don’t smoke.”

You roll your eyes. There was no need for him to explain, because literally everybody knows Jaehyun likes Cigarettes After Sex, the same way everyone knows you like SHINee. But for the sake of placating him and getting this over with, you refuse to make any comments.

“This is so corny.”

“The longer you wait the longer it takes.”

Reluctantly you give in, but not without a groan. “Hi, Jaehyun. My name’s y/n, I’m also twenty-one, and I like SHINee.”

Jaehyun claps dramatically, “Bravo! Was that so hard?”

“Yes, actually.”

He giggles, tells you to stop being dramatic and you two begin your mission to ride every ride that you can within the span of a few hours. You get more snacks in between, sharing a container of butter-y delicious popcorn and double-dating some rides with the other pairs (which unfortunately happens to lead to you witnessing Mark throwing up in a bush).

Unfortunately, time flies by fast when you’re having fun, and when Yeri texts the Pal-Cation Pals group chat to meet up by the first popcorn stand in fifteen minutes, you know you have little time remaining, enough for one last ride.

The Ferris Wheel.

Last but not least, the Ferris Wheel. You and Jaehyun have been saving it for last, agreeing the full experience is at dark night, when the colorful lights illuminate the indigo sky.

“Let’s go!” You pull him into a cart, and he laughs at your enthusiasm.

When the ride starts, Jaehyun holds your hand and you rest your head on his shoulder. It feels nice and comfortable, and you quickly realize you miss having him like this. Close to you. And it’s silent for a moment. You and Jaehyun have always had these moments together, where you’re not talking one another’s ears off, but holding each other in warm silence. You have always valued the other’s company.

You watch as the world gets smaller underneath your feet, how the Ferris wheel lights twinkle in vibrant colors, and shine on its surroundings. You see how the other rides glow in the dark, appearing so close yet so far away.

It’s beautiful. Your eyes flare different colors—red, blue, pink, green—as you gawk in wonder. If you could, you’d stay like this forever, watching this astonishing sight with Jaehyun at your side.

“You look pretty in the light,” Jaehyun marvels, snapping you out of your daze. The butterflies and their flapping wings come back, and he’s always been able to make you feel like this so easily.

Warmth fills your cheeks, and you turn around so that he doesn’t notice. “Don’t I always? Or are you saying I only look pretty in the light?”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes, “You’re still impossible. I’m trying to flirt with you.”

“Then do so,” you smile. “Keep telling me about how pretty I am.”

“Look at me,” Jaehyun whispers, but it’s loud and clear to you. Slowly, you do look at him, noticing the way his lips curl into a soft grin, and how the purple light casts on his gorgeous skin and features. “Your lips are pretty, too.”

Next, he’ll call your bones pretty and you’ll still feel your face flush with heat.

Jaehyun kissed you for hours last night, but when his lips collide with yours again you know that you’ll never get used to the feeling. Your fingers card through his hair while his gravitate towards your skin, cold hands sending a shiver down your spine as they mesh with the evening warmth.

You bite at his lip this time, wallowing in the sound of his moan as it tumbles from between his parted lips. He can feel you smiling, the corners of your lips spreading apart as you stifle a laugh.

It feels like fire consumes you, like you’re melting, melting into his touch, like candle wax as his fingertips trace your skin. Like a bomb’s ignited inside you, like you’re exploding, and the more you feel him the more you desire him. The more you crave him, the more your body yearns for him.

You know you have him when you move for his neck, marking a trail of red lipstick stains that look purple in the light. He takes it as a challenge, retaliating with a bite at your neck that makes you sigh in pleasure, and this is definitely why you get along so well—you’re compatible.

“When we get back,” you gasp, ignoring the complacent look he casts at you, “Meet me in my room.”

“What about the others?”

“They saw us making out in the pool, Jaehyun, literally nobody cares,” you roll your eyes. “No more sneaking around shit, right?”

He smiles, “Right. Can’t anyways, your lipstick is all over my throat.”

You giggle, and bring him back in for another kiss as the ride begins to slow to an end.

The next couple of days are equally eventful, yet fly by far too quickly for your liking. You hit the beach and unfortunately witness a woman being stung by a jelly fish, visit some museums, the zoo, and even hike near the Hollywood sign. You also make sure to spend Yeri’s money on some souvenirs, and Jaehyun buys you matching necklaces. You have his J, he has your first initial.

Today is Saturday—already. Tomorrow you will return home, and you’re not sure if you’re ready or not. You sigh as you scroll through your camera roll. You’ve had so much fun this week, there’s the pictures of Mark’s scared face on the roller coaster, Taeyong buried alive into the sand, Yeri and the girls trying on humongous sun glasses at the mall, and the video of Jaemin and Jaehyun arm-wrestling to determine who’s the better Jae to prove it (Jaehyun won).

Like a normal Saturday, today’s the one chill day. The whole week has been chaotic in a fun way, but Yeri had nothing else planned, so she told everyone to take a day to wind down and feel free to venture out to wrap up the vacation.

Which leads you to now.

Jaehyun and you agreed to visit the park, just walking around and talking, and perhaps doing some making out in between. You’ve been doing that a lot lately, and you’re pretty sure you’re addicted. It’s like there’s crack in his lips that cannot simply be fixed with chapstick.

“It’s hot,” you complain.

Jaehyun snorts. “We’re in California, babe. Imagine Yeri took us to Florida.”

You wince. You’re barely beating the Californian heat, there’s no way you’ll survive down south in Florida. It doesn’t even snow there.

“I thought you were gonna say some fake-romantic shit, like I’ll reach into the sky and throw the sun into the freezer, princess, just say the word,” you mimick his voice exaggeratedly.

Jaehyun rolls his eyes, but laughs nonetheless, “No can do, princess,” he teases, “but I can get us some ice cream from that stand over there. Stay put, I’ll be right back.”

“Wait!” You shout. “You even know what I want?”

He says your favorite flavor, and even your preferred container to consume it in, “Right?”

A smile spreads on your lips, and your heart flutters. He remembers. “Right.”

Jaehyun shoots you a smile then jogs over to the ice cream stand, pulling his wallet from his pockets. You gotta remember to ask him where he’s getting all this money from, this man could be a drug dealer for all you know.

Nonetheless, you sit at a nearby bench and pull out your phone. Nothing beats checking up on your Animal Crossing island while you wait.

You notice the presence of someone sitting beside you but don’t bat an eye, knowing without looking that it isn’t Jaehyun. And who are you to shoo away a stranger if they want to rest their feet?

“You must be y/n,” hearing your name, your eyes snap to the side instinctively.

And that’s when you realize that this stranger may not be as unknown as you initially thought.

Your eyes widen, “You…”

“I am, Jaehyun’s ex-girlfriend,” she, Victoria announces proudly, like it’s some achievement to be clipped onto the fridge.

You never met her, but you’ll never forget her name, or her face for that matter. It’s kind of stupid, how you found out. You were on Instagram, and you saw Jaehyun’s account in the replies of Yeri’s post. You clicked his profile, because you had never exchanged accounts before, and you quickly saw why.

He didn’t post her often, amongst all the flaunting images of himself, but when he did he made it crystal clear that she was his girlfriend, and what sole other woman would he continuously post onto his page?

“What are you doing here?” You ask, an obviously bitter edge to your voice. It isn’t she that you should be bitter towards, but you can’t help but feel slightly defensive.

“Relax, darling, I’m not stalking you on whatever summer vacation he’s had the courtesy to whisk you away on,” Victoria giggles. Of course not, that would be obsessive. “It’s actually a coincidence to see you, but since we’re here, let’s talk.”

Disinterested, you reply, “There’s nothing for you and I to discuss.”

“Of course, there is! You were fucking with him while he was with me, right?” she gives you a picture-perfect smile that makes you want to grit your teeth, yet you compose yourself. She sighs, “You know that, and yet you’re like what, dating him now? I’m telling you now, once a cheater, always a cheater. You might think he loves you now, but I promise you, he’ll stab you in the back the moment you aren’t looking.”

Victoria misjudges your silence as you giving her the go-ahead to continue, “I know that you know, and I know you’re trying to convince yourself that he’s changed, but he’s still the same old bastard he was three years ago. I mean just look at him, he’s even flirting with that lady now.”

With furrowed brows, you turn in Jaehyun’s direction, eyes finding that he actually is flirting with the ice cream lady. You can’t believe your eyes. Really? The fucking ice cream woman? He isn’t trying to be subtle with it, either.

She tilts her head as she speaks in your ear, “See? He doesn’t give a fuck. Not about you, not about her, not about any of us. You’re just yet another notch in his belt.”

And suddenly, all those doubts come back, the ones that you had pushed away and replaced with your growing feelings for him. Yet now that they’re existing within the same space, it’s even more terrifying, it’s exactly what you feared.

What if Jaehyun never really cared? What if all this is just some big act? What if he’s just been playing with your emotions this entire time? What if you don’t really know Jaehyun like you thought?

You want him, but what if he doesn’t really want you?

Jaehyun walks over, seemingly not noticing his ex-girlfriend’s presence, “I got the ice cream. Who’s th—Victoria?”

“Hello, Jaehyun,” she waves, offering him a smile. “We were just talking about you.”

“What the fuck did you tell her?” Jaehyun scowls, taking notice of your silence and the empty, unhappy gaze you shoot him. You don’t even smile, hardly even blink.

Victoria shrugs. “Nothing she doesn’t already know.”

“I’m walking back to the hotel,” you announce, sliding your phone back into your pocket and peeling yourself off of the bench.

“Wait!”

He calls out your name.

For the third time, you turn and walk away.

This time, though, he’s not letting you walk away. Not without putting up a fight first.

“Why are we doing this again?” Jaehyun yells. “Why? Did I do something? We can just talk this out, you know. What happened to no more secrets?”

You retort, “You fucking tell me, Jaehyun! How am I supposed to know that you don’t have secrets?”

“The same goddamn way I know you don’t have any! Trust!” And the realization hits him hard. He knows that it’s only been some days, but what could Victoria have said to make you back out so hastily? “Is that what it is? You don’t trust me?”

Tears sting your eyes. “Trust you? You want me to trust you? With you being the kind of person you are? You’re out of luck.”

That burned Jaehyun. After all of the bonding you’ve done lately, he would’ve thought that you would trust him a little more, but he sees clearly now. He sees that he’s done all he can do, and now it’s time for you to do your part.

“What kind of person am I, y/n?” He asks coldly, shoving his hands in his pockets.

You spit, “You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah?” Jaehyun laughs tonelessly, “Well frankly I think you’re an asshole, too. So when you’re ready to be assholes together, let me know.”

And this time, Jaehyun’s the one that walks away. This time, you understand his pain, as you have those tear-stung eyes and that quivering voice. That empty feeling inside, the pang in your heart. The way it’s killing you inside, but you don’t have it in you to move, to chase him. All you can do for now is let it eat at you slowly.

Maybe Victoria was wrong. Maybe you’re planting the knife in your own back.

Sunday comes slowly, and you’re glad you didn’t ride the same van as Jaehyun. You still have to deal with the curious stares your friends shoot you, but it’s better than confronting your emotions, or at least you think it is.

You’re not ready yet.

When you get home, the first time you do is order Panda Express via Uber Eats so that you don’t starve as you rot in your room. The next thing you do is flop against your bed and and sob.

A few days go by like this, in pure brutal agony. You drowning in your thoughts, the maybes and the what if’s. You feel like a teenage girl experiencing her first break-up, lost and confused and unsure of how to deal with the hurt. It’s no one’s fault but yours though, and it’s your job to fix it or forever hold your peace.

Love is hard. You know that. You accept that. If you couldn’t, then it would be wrong of you to try be in a real relationship. But loving, as a verb, is easy. Too easy. So easy, to the point where sometimes, you don’t realize you’re doing it until it’s too late. What’s harder is accepting the fact that love isn’t a choice, but a feeling. If it was, you would have chosen to stop loving Jaehyun years ago. You would have chosen to fall in love with Taeyong, or maybe even Kai.

But your heart chose Jung Jaehyun, and it must have a mind of it’s own, because no matter how much you tell it to let go, it doesn’t listen.

That’s why as the days go by, they’re slow and empty. Because Jaehyun’s not there. Not with you. And a little voice in the back of your head is saying he’s with another girl, but your heart is telling you to have faith. You are severely conflicted.

Just when you think you might just spend the rest of your life rotting here, you’re quickly proven wrong by the dedication and genuine care and concern of your best friends.

“Hey, bitch,” Jaemin strolls in casually, as though this is his room, “New guy already?”

“What?”

“Some guy opened the door,” he replies, flopping against your bean-bag cough.

You blink, gears turning in your mind as you try to decipher what man could possibly be inside of your house—oh. You roll your eyes, “That’s my roommate’s boyfriend, you dumbass.”

“Oh,” Jaemin mumbles, then his eyes twinkle as he makes a move for your desk, “Ooh, Panda Express.”

Suddenly, Yeri storms inside your bedroom, flickering on the lights inside your very much dim and deprived of life, sunshine and happiness room, chanting vigorously the lyrics to Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj’s The Light is Coming, “The light is coming to give back everything the darkness stole!”

You groan, yanking the sheets and comforter over your face to block out the light like a vampire, “You guys, please leave me alone.”

“Nope,” says Taeyong, who follows suit after your other friends, venturing into your room. You fight, you tugging the covers towards you while he attempts at pulling them off. It’s a quick battle which you lose, and you soon accept defeat. “You’ve been suffering in silence—and darkness—for far too long. So, fess up. What did that punk do? Do I need to prepare the coffee?”

You sigh, Saturday seeping back into your memory. “He didn’t do anything.”

Jaemin blinks. “What do you mean? Why else have you been sulking in your bedroom for the past four days like a divorced man who’s ex-wife took the kids and the TV? Shit, all you’re missing is a bar and some alcohol at this point.”

You roll your eyes, “I mean, I was the one that fucked up this time.”

“What?”

“What?”

“What?”

They all gasp involuntarily, and if you had it in you, you would roll your eyes at the chorus of what’s.

That day rewinds in your head, how it was so warm then so cold within a matter of moments. Your eyes water as you recall everything that happened, Victoria, your public altercation, walking back to the hotel alone while it felt like there was a rain cloud above your head, despite the piping hot conditions outdoors.

It isn’t like you don’t want to let Jaehyun in. You do, but you’re terrified of granting him that permission, of giving him your heart when he’s broken it before. But this way, you’re only breaking your heart more, and breaking his, too.

“I did something stupid. I assumed the worst when I shouldn’t have, and then I got scared. So I ran,” you want to bury yourself underneath the covers and sink into the earth to be forgotten, but you have to deal with your mistakes. “And I broke his heart. Now I need to fix it, but I don’t fucking know how.”

Yeri thinks you’re dumb.

Taeyong thinks you’re stupid.

Jaemin thinks you’re out of your fucking mind and an absolute fool for letting your thoughts destroy you, but he’ll do whatever he can to help.

“Talk to him, duh,” Yeri says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and it is, but easier said than done.

“How? I bet he doesn’t even want to see my face.”

“Are you kidding?” Jaemin gawks. “He’s been moping around the apartment like literally all week, and me and Jongin haven’t said anything because we thought it was his fault! He also has divorced man syndrome!”

Oh. You feel extra stupid now, and you can’t believe you let Victoria get in your head. Collapsing onto your pillow, you groan, “I really am an asshole.”

“Maybe, yeah,” Taeyong agrees, “but so is he, you guys are a match made in heaven.”

“Or hell,” Jaemin chimes in.

Taeyong glares. “With that being said—and I mean this in the friendliest way possible—get your head out of your ass and go talk to him.”

And you smile softly at that. If Taeyong’s giving you the push, you know that everyone’s right and you need to do something. Now.

You nod and whip out your phone with a sigh, opening iMessage. Can we talk?

(Delivered.)

(Read.)

Sure.

Antsy, you’re fidgeting. Your anxiety is spiking and you can feel your heartbeat directly in your eardrums, but this time your fears won’t scare you off. You wait for Jaehyun, feet tapping against the ground restlessly, until you see him nearing.

He walks over to your side, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets and you feel your heart wrenching a little when you notice that he doesn’t give you his wild grin he usually shoots whenever he sees you. His face is inscrutable, and you bite back the urge to run, because you know now that no matter how fast you run, you’ll never be able to hide from your feelings.

“Hey,” your voice is giving up on you, but you refuse to let it. Get a grip.

“Hey,” Jaehyun whispers back. His eyes are dark and empty, and that’s how you know you cut him deep. There’s always a gleam to his eyes, whether sad or blissful.

You can do this, you tell yourself. You’ve talked to him about much worse before, this should be nothing. But still, it’s never been quite like this. You’ve never made this bad of a mistake.

“About Saturday,” you begin, still fidgeting but managing to look at him, “I’m sorry. I jumped to conclusions instead of asking you, instead of trusting you, and I let Victoria get in my head—”

“Yeah, what the hell was that about?” Jaehyun interjects. “Sorry for interrupting you, but I’m still confused. Did I do something?”

“She pointed out that you were flirting with the ice cream lady. What was that?”

Jaehyun blinks, processing your statement, and when he does he begins shaking his head, “Seriously? You’re telling me this is all over the fucking ice cream? I was only flirting with her to get free ice cream! You know they was trying to charge me fifteen dollars for 4 scoops?”

“It’s not just that!” You exclaim. “Like, yeah, that triggered it, but—fuck, Jaehyun, I was scared, I was so fucking scared. I was overthinking, and all my doubts and fears came back, that what if you never cared, what if you don’t want me like I want you, what if I don’t know you like I think I do? I was scared to trust you, scared that I love you because I don’t want to lose you again—”

If Jaehyun was a dog, his ears would perk up. “You love me?”

“Yes,” you answer boldly. “I love you, Jaehyun. I’m in love with you, and up until now that scared me half to death, because I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to know that you love me, too,” and especially enough to stay. “But now I know. I trust you, Jaehyun. I love you, I want you, and I’m gonna be honest, I’m still a little scared. But that’s what love is, trusting someone to not break your heart. It’s a risk I’m ready to take for you.”

Jaehyun is silently stunned. He doesn’t have much to say, taken aback by your confession and the fact this actually happening. “You mean that?”

You nod, smiling. “Every word.”

In seconds, Jaehyun has you pinned to the wall, his lips against yours. God, you missed this feeling. The feeling of his plush lips against yours, his hands on your body. You miss kissing him irresistibly, every hour of every day, for moments at a time until you were breathless.

Jaehyun seems to have missed it just as much, kissing you with a passion—hungrily; greedily. He kisses you like he can’t have enough, like his lips have an insatiable hunger.

And you can’t believe you’re making out with him behind your apartment, but you’re willing to try new things for him.

Jaehyun taps your thighs, and by now you know that that meets to jump, so you do, shrieking a little, yet he doesn’t let you fall. “I got you,” he whispers in between kisses, breath tickling your skin, “and I won’t ever let you go.”

It’s been five days. You’ve been trying not to think too hard about the label thing, maybe Jaehyun is planning something, he wouldn’t just forget to ask you to be his girlfriend.

You’re walking back to your apartment when it happens.

“Excuse me,” a stranger with an oddly familiar voice calls at to you, and when you whirl around, the last person to see is…

“Taemin?” You nearly scream. He points his index finger to his lips, gesturing for you to be quiet, which makes sense because you’re in public but there’s literally no way the man standing before you is the Lee Taemin. You’re dreaming.

You even pinch yourself, much to his amusement, and come to the realization that this is very much real. You could faint. Taemin? Lee Taemin? From SHINee? There’s simply no way.

“I believe this is for you,” Taemin holds in his hands your all-time favorite SHINee album, The Misconception Of Us. You take it, staring at the album in disbelief. You’re gawking. “And one last thing. Come with me, please?”

Okay, what the hell. He has to be trying to kidnap you or something, it’s perfect bait. Who wouldn’t agree to follow their favorite artist after they randomly pop up behind you and offer you your favorite album for free? You’re lucky it isn’t some kidnapping scheme, because you ultimately end up following him despite your doubts.

He takes you to the cafe, which, to your surprise is empty. At least you think it is, until Jaehyun slips out of hiding, walking up to you with a smile.

“Jaehyun,” you can’t help smile back, “What the?”

“Flip it over,” he says, gesturing towards the album, and curiously, you obey. To the back is attached a sticky note that says, To my 1 of 1 girl, will you be my girlfriend? It’s cheesy, but it has you smiling so hard your cheeks hurt.

“Yes!” Instantly, you crash into his arms. “Yes, yes, yesyes yes—” he has to cut you off with his lips, and you melt into kiss.

You pull away the second you hear the intro to your favorite song, 1 of 1, and look onto the cafe stage (yes, the cafe has a stage for Friday through Saturday night performances) to see Taemin beginning to sing and cover the other members parts.

You’re mind-blown. A part of you is still convinced that this is a dream, because how the fuck did Jaehyun get a man as busy as Lee Taemin to do this? You forgot to ask him who he works for, but do drug dealers have Lee Taemin money?

“How did you—”

“Shh,” Jaehyun pecks your lips, “Taemin’s singing.”

You roll your eyes, yet giggle. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Jaehyun engulfs you in a warm, comfortable hug, “And only you.”

When he says it, you trust him. You believe him. Because the Jung Jaehyun you know and love today is a man of his word, and that means you get to love him with no fears, and no worries.

Love is a challenge. And in this moment and the next, it’s safe to say you’ve won.

[thecynthh]

STARSTURNS - M.S

summery - going out to a concert with one of y/n friends, a weird turn is taken when matt makes a move.

notes - SMUT, ROCKSTAR MATTY POOOOO, guys im a virgin idk how sex works MADE FOR MY GIRLY @ihrtchris love u girl hope the wait was worth it <3 NOT PROOFREAD

a/n - guys it looked longer than it is i promise

also the bolded parts during the concert means its the song lyrics, also i love this song

-----------------------------------

-----------------------------------

the bustling noises of a busy kitchen fill my ears as i hear people shout and flames crackle. “so i think i'll have a sweet tea and a number 6 please.” i ask the waiter as she takes my order. 

“of course ma’am and for you?” cadence’s eyes swept over the whole menu again before speaking. 

“lemonade and a number 2 please!” the waiter nodded towards us and walked off to the kitchen. 

“hey are you busy tonight? i’m free and have nowhere to go, was hoping you knew about a party or something later.” i knew cay would know about any parties happening tonight, she was an epic journalist and worked for the editorial company i was at. 

“hm, come to think of it, no, i don’t think so. didn’t get an invite, i guess all the famous people are taking a break from being bitchy and petty.” i laugh at her statement about the rich and famous, we’ve met countless celebrities and models and almost all of them were like cay said, bitchy and petty. 

“come onnnn the one night i'm free from work and there’s nothing happening.” i drop my head dramatically on the table, careful not to hit the ketchup and mustard. 

“well….” cadence trailed off.

“well what???” i almost break my neck looking up at her. 

“i mean i saw a poster for this band, and they are playing at pacific square if you wanna go watch it, im down if you are.” cadence offered. 

“a concert? im not sure, i mean if the guys are cute” i joked. 

“ouh girl, i sure can tell you they are so hot.” she pulls out her phone looking through her photos. she taps on it and shows it to me. oh shit. they were really hot. 

the one thing that cay forgot to mention was that the band that was playing in our home town was starsturns. “WAIT! you mean starsturns is playing here??”

“okay, im convinced, i think i just found my husband.” i practically threw cay’s phone back to her, feeling a small piece of drool develop on the corner of my mouth looking at the drummer. 

“show starts at 8 i’ll be at your house with the uber.” cay says slipping her phone back into her pocket 

“holy shit i can’t believe we are going to see starsturns!!!” 

the ding of a bell goes off and we see the waiter sway towards us with our plates of food. i guess i have plans tonight. 

------------------------------

getting to the venue was a little troubling due to the death inducing trafic we were stuck in but cay is very much a hardass so when we did get to the venue she shoved her way to the front. 

“move your asses, two super fans over here!!!” cay’s enthusiasm scares people which lets us pass through sort of easily. 

being right at the rails that has to be only a metre away from the stage gets me riled up, we hear the curtains draw and and the stage lights get low. 

the sun just started to set and the neon flashes of their large stage lights flicker at the audience. the leader singer and lead guitarist chris looks behind him peering over his shoulder to the audience. the girls yelled and shouted, he was definitely a lady killer. 

chris began strumming his guitar in a steady pace as his brother nick, on the bass, keeps a steady beat emerging from the shadows. 

a slow rhythm on the drums begin to build up, slowly getting faster and with each tap of the snare the lights get brighter, and brighter. 

matt is revealed to the fans in such an epic way as the fans, including me and cadence goes crazy. 

the crash of matt’s cymbals begins their set list as their first song begins. 

time seemed to have lasted forever as they now have moved to a couple of slower songs that are more lyric focused. i throw my head back as i belt the lyrics living in pure harmony. this was my favourite song and i wanted to soak up every moment. 

chris noticed and waved a hand towards cadence and i letting security know to let us onto the stage. i shake cadence to snap her out of her little trance and yank her to the small stairs that lead up the stairs, a smile graces chris’ face as we run up to him. 

cay takes his hand as he spins her around, i stand back trying not to get hit by her long hair. i try to cover my mouth as i giggle a little seeing her have her moment with her favourite group member. i start skipping around the stage still keeping up with the song soon coming up to nick as he keeps his eyes on me as his bass still continues strumming. 

i lock eyes with matt, coming over to the back of his drum kit and wrapping my arms around his neck, 

“i dont wanna lose you now, 

im looking right at the other half of me” 

i sang my heart out as i hug matt while he kept his hand and foot trained on the instrument. he detaches the mic that was for his vocals and passes it to me, im a little shocked by his action but understand what he wants from me. 

i take the mic and start to sing. 

“show me how to fight for now,

and i tell you baby it was easy”

i felt alive. my idols and i sing this song with our hearts. i belt and add accents to my voice and really feel myself in the song. i bring the mic down to matt as we both sing into the mic as chris and matt begin to chant “you are, you are the love of my life” underneath my vocals letting me take the lead on the song. 

“you are my reflection, and all i see is you”

the song ends and i’m panting from using an excessive amount of air for singing and from prancing around. matt and my eyes never leave each other caught up in the moment. 

“give it up to y/n and cadence for singing this song with us!” chris yells into the mic. he holds up his signature rock n’ roll sign showing it to the fans, “thank you guys for coming out here tonight! love you all, have a good night!” with the last echo of his message to the fans the curtains move down and everything but the crowd lights turn off, still providing light for those going home. 

i hop down from matt’s little stage leaving the microphone i’ve been using on a table that was next to matt and meet up with cay at the front of the stage. 

cay was engaged in a conversation with nick and chris, talking to them like they’ve been friends since forever. 

“oh my gosh, thank you for letting us up on stage like that chris!” i knew cay was fangirling underneath her cool calm and collected front. 

don’t get me wrong, chris is very attractive, but simply not my type. i didn’t feel as strongly about him as i did with matt. 

“oh come on you guys are great singers! especially you y/n.” chris says as i walk over, i feel a wave of embarrassment wash over me with that compliment. 

“ah- thank you but it’s getting late, cay call an uber i’ll meet you by the gates in a second, just gotta run to the bathroom. 

i pat my pockets checking for my phone that wasn’t there. i make a quick run to matt checking his whole set up for it. when i pick it up i immediately get caught in someone’s hand. 

matt’s muscular hand grips my bare arm causing all my attention to look up to the man above me. “hey,” his voice is lower so his brothers don’t hear. “we are staying at a hotel tonight then sightseeing tomorrow, we’ll be in town for a night or two. we thought we’d visit our parents and take in the home town scene again before we travel again. was wondering if you wanted to come with me to our hotel.” 

“you can come to my house-“ i blurt out. “m-more privacy and it’s not that far from here or whatever your hotel is. i can get you back there just in time for your brothers to wake up…”

“ah, sounds like a plan, we just gotta take our equipment to our bus then i’ll meet you there, how does twelve sound?” he nods understanding my intentions. 

“uh yeah! sounds good, wait lemme give you my numb-“ 

“oh doll, don’t worry about that, gotta be a little careful with who you leave your phone around,” he winks as his grip on me loosens and falls. 

i almost ran out of the venue, finding cadence and the uber waiting outside on the street. “girl come on!” she waves me in letting the uber driver know where we were going. 

i close the door behind me gripping my hands very hard on my phone. cay rests and hand atop mine and looks at me with concern. “hey, what’s up?” 

“matt just- matt- matt invited me to their hotel.. but now we are meeting at my house at twelve.” my eyes are trained on the headrest in front of me. 

“YOU WHAT, HE- HE WHAT????” cay starts freaking out as much as i would’ve if i hadn’t been in such a state of shock. 

“yuuuup,” the uber slows down getting stopped close to my house. “i have his number in my phone, he said he was going to come when i text him my address.” i open my car door seeing as we’ve stopped right in front of my house. 

“all the details tomorrow morning at work !!” she yells as i exit the car, waving thank you to the driver from outside the car i walk to my house to finally freak out. 

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK was i doing?? no way am i about to have a one night stand with the drummer of sturnstars, one of my favourite bands  

i pull my phone out of my pocket to see a new contact that was put in named “hot drummer” with a new number. 

y/n 

you shared your location with “hot drummer”

hot drummer (matt s)

otw!

not too long after i hear the doorbell ring throughout my house and i quickly rush to my front door. taking a deep breath in and out i push down on the large handle seeing matt on the other side of the door. 

matt leans on the side of my door frame looking as delicious as ever. “hey” a smirk grows on his face as he scans my body. the black cropped long sleeve i was wearing was getting clawed at by my long done up nails. my skirt was barely covering my ass and showed a lot of my legs. 

he looked at me like i was his last meal. he launches himself off the door frame as i take him by the hand, leading him to my bedroom. 

he looks around at the posters on the wall, one including their old tour one. his finger glides across the arctic monkeys and slipknot ones. 

“so you're a fan?” he asks coming to sit next to me. 

“yeah you could say that, i’m not crazy tho, some girls are worse. if i’m being honest i didn’t even know you guys were coming here.” i say truthfully 

“so if i do this,” he leans and kisses me, sparks fly in my stomach. “you’ll be okay with it.” 

“and if this happens,” his hand undoes the clasp and zipper on my mini skirt, “you’ll be okay with it?” 

his lips touch mine as i help him moves my skirt down to the floor as i hold the hem of his shirt pulling to take it off. my long sleeve and bra meet the floor not too far after matt’s shirt. 

he manoeuvres on top of me now pressing his raging hard on top of my heat. “please matt,” i say in a whiny voice, feeling more anxious and excited. 

“please what princess?” he teases. 

“please fuck me,” my hand snakes to the nape of his neck as i pull him in for a kiss. his fingers clad with rings, slip into my panties as he makes cold contact with his thumb onto my clit, my eyes roll back feeling him circle around my hole before plunging in. 

“oh- god matt please don’t stop,” i moan feeling him pump in and out of me. a familiar knot builds and snaps quickly due to the constant stimulation. 

“mhh, come on babe, give it to me” i squeeze around his fingers hard before i cum all over his fingers. “good job baby, you did so well, you ready for me?” i nod frantically as he sticks his fingers into my mouth for me to taste myself, letting me such on his two fingers while he tugs on my panties making the small fabric keeping the whole thing together come unloose. 

he's quick to undo his cargo pants letting the baggy material fall, and he tugs down his boxers letting his length spring out. i 

“what the fuck, that is not going to fit in me?!?” he laughs at my surprise, pumping up and down on his monster dick. 

“hey, i’ll take it slow, tonights ‘bout you.” he says hovering over me, “just tell me if it’s too much, alright?” he lines himself up and just puts the tip in, i arch my back in ecstasy feeling so full already. 

“fuck, matt keep going.” he takes this as an invitation to push all the way in. my moans only become more airy as he gets deeper and deeper. 

he gets more confident in his movement and keeps a steady pace, he lifts my leg, folding it by my knee, letting him hit a new spot. 

“mhhh, matt don’t stop.” his pace is steady with him constantly hitting my g-spot, “i-i-”

i couldn’t even get my sentence out before i completely collapsed underneath his arms, letting myself go. “you did such a good job pretty girl, can i cum in you?” 

“YES, yes matt please!” a slight feeling of overstimulation washes over me as matt grunts and shoots his load into me, falling onto my bed next to me. 

“ah, come on, let's get cleaned up. nick and chris are gonna be wondering where i am.” 

who knew, maybe dating a drummer isn’t that bad. 

taglist - @westwiing13 @comet235 @mayhem-72 @pepsiimaxx @strniolosworld

taglist is open !

[twistiraki]

Headcanons 🎀 how they got Jealous when someone else flirt with you

🌹 Riddle Rosehearts

When Riddle notices another man trying to get Y/n's attention, his expression darkens immediately. He's not one to openly display his emotions, but the jealousy boils within him. He tries to keep his composure, but his grip on any nearby object tightens considerably.

He steps closer to Y/n, subtly positioning himself between them and the other guy. His protective instincts kick in, and he tries to be a bit intimidating without being too obvious. He won't say anything directly aggressive, but his icy tone and narrowed eyes are a clear warning to the intruder.

"My Teacup, is there a problem here?" Riddle's voice is calm but laced with a hint of warning. He'll subtly emphasize the "my" in "my Teacup" to make it clear that Y/n is not available.

❤️ Ace Trappola

Ace is loud and isn't shy to let people know Y/n is his partner. He's used to being the center of attention, and the thought of someone else trying to steal Y/n away drives him crazy.

He acts dramatically, wrapping his arms around Y/n and pretending to be overly affectionate, just to prove a point. He'll pepper Y/n with compliments and kisses, trying to outshine the other guy.

"Oh, you're trying to charm my sweetheart? Sorry, but you'll never be able to top this Ace of mine!" Ace declares boisterously, making sure everyone around knows he's with Y/n.

♠️ Deuce Spade

Deuce struggles to control himself. He wants to let everyone see that he is not the person he used to be, but this clashes with his overwhelming feelings.

He becomes visibly flustered and awkward when he sees another guy trying to approach Y/n. But when his emotions run high, his delinquent personality slips out. He might scowl or adopt a more aggressive stance, trying to intimidate the intruder with the fierce protectiveness he feels towards Y/n.

"You better watch yourself, pal. Y/n means a lot to me, and I won't let anyone mess with that," Deuce says with a determined glint in his eye, showing he isnt going to back down.

♣️ Trey Clover

Trey's jealousy is subtle but present. He's not one to make a big fuss, but he can't help feeling a tinge of protectiveness over Y/n.

He'll keep an eye on the situation from a distance, observing how Y/n handles the situation. If he senses any discomfort, he'll step in to lend a helping hand, but he won't overstep boundaries. He knows that Y/n can handle themselves, but he's always there to back them up if needed.

"You know, I'm just a text away if you need a quick escape from this charmer," Trey says, reminding Y/n that he's there to support them without being too intrusive.

♦️ Cater Diamond

Cater's jealousy is more playful than possessive. He's not one to get overly serious, but he can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy when someone else flirts with Y/n.

He tries to lighten the mood with humor, making jokes and teasing Y/n about the situation. He'll casually throw his arm around their shoulder, claiming them in a lighthearted manner.

"Careful there, buddy, Y/n is my partner. And Y/n. you don't need this guy when you have Cay-Cay around. Let's get out of here and have some real fun!" Cater says with a cheeky grin.

🦁 Leona Kingscholar

Leona is fierce when it comes to you. He glares daggers at the man, his competitive nature kicking in. He doesn't like the idea of someone else trying to snatch away what he considers his territory.

He wraps his arm around Y/n possessively and pulls them closer, showing everyone that Y/n is already taken. He might even throw in a few smirks or provocative comments, just to show off.

"Sorry, buddy. Y/n's got better plans for the night than going home with you." Leona's voice is filled with confidence and a touch of arrogance, clearly asserting his claim over Y/n.

🍩 Ruggie Bucchi

When Ruggie sees the other guy trying to get Y/n's attention, he can't help but seize the opportunity for some mischief. His mischievous grin widens as he hatches a plan to turn the situation in his favor.

He'll casually wrap an arm around Y/n and flash them a mischievous grin, letting the other guy know they don't stand a chance. But deep down, he just wants to be seen as the one Y/n chose.

"Hey, hey! You think you can impress Y/n with some lame lines? Watch and learn, buddy!" Ruggie says with a half-smirk, half-serious expression

🐺 Jack Howl

Jack's jealousy is a mix of annoyance and protectiveness. He's not the type to openly express his emotions, but his territorial nature shines through in subtle ways.

He'll casually position himself between Y/n and the other guy, as if unintentionally blocking their path. His eyes stay locked on the intruder, an icy edge to his gaze.

"If you're looking for company, you should try somewhere else. Y/n and I are perfectly fine on our own," Jack says in a stern tone, making the message clear.

🐙 Azul Ashengrotto

Azul might try to play it cool, but inside, he's boiling with jealousy. He maintains his charming smile, but his eyes have a cold edge to them as he observes the man approaching Y/n.

He'll casually step closer to Y/n, slipping an arm around their waist, and making sure to drop hints about their relationship through clever remarks and innuendos.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you think Y/n was available? How cute. But you're wasting your time, my dear." Azul's words might be sugar-coated, but the underlying message is crystal clear.

🍄 Jade Leech

Jade appears to be the epitome of politeness and formality, his soft-spoken nature creating an aura of courtesy around him. But beneath that charming exterior lies the mind of a predator.

He'll put on a polite smile and engage in friendly conversation with the intruder, all while subtly working to undermine their efforts. He knows how to play his cards right. He is friendly till he has them backed up into a corner,

"Oh, I happened to come across some interesting information about you. It would be a shame if it were to get out, wouldn't it? I advise you to stay away from Y/n." Jade says calmly, his smile never faltering.

👟 Floyd Leech

Floyd's jealousy is unpredictable, just like himself. He might come across as laid back, but when it comes to Y/n, he can go from uninterested to fully engaged in the blink of an eye.

He might lean casually against a nearby surface, seemingly relaxed. But his eyes stay fixed on the intruder, daring them to make a wrong move.His demeanor shifts drastically, and the lazy drawl turns into an unsettling low growl, giving off an aura of danger. Anyone who dares approach Y/n with romantic intentions while Floyd is around is met with a chilling warning.

"I suggest you back off real quick, partner. Shrimpy's is mine, and trust me, you don't want to mess with that," Floyd says, his words dripping with a mix of irritation and possessiveness, making it clear that he won't tolerate any interference.

🦦 Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim's jealousy is more endearing than intimidating. He's not used to feeling this way, but he can't help but feel a little possessive over Y/n.

He tries to lighten the mood, but his smile is strained. He'll pull Y/n into a warm hug, trying to show that they're already spoken for.

"Haha, you're funny, trying to charm my special person. But Y/n is with me tonight!" Kalim's smile might waver with uncertainty, but his determination to protect Y/n shines through.

🐍 Jamil Viper

Y/n’s is Jamil's pride and he doesn't intend to give that up. He's not one to get openly confrontational, but he'll make sure to assert his claim over Y/n in a subtle yet assertive way.

He'll take Y/n's hand in his own, holding it with a gentle grip to silently communicate that they are together.

"Apologies, but Y/n and I have plans for the evening," Jamil says, his voice smooth and polite but with an undercurrent of possessiveness that sends a clear message.

🪞 Vil Schoenheit

When Vil sees someone trying to approach Y/n while they're together, he doesn't hesitate to step in. He knows his own beauty can be captivating, and he uses it to his advantage to assert his claim over Y/n. With a graceful demeanor, he stands tall and elegant, looking down at the other person as if they're beneath him.

He steps forward gracefully, making his presence clear. He might not confront the man directly, but he'll make sure his presence alone sends a clear message that Y/n is already under his protection.If the intruder persists, Vil might give  a more forceful response. He'll firmly remind the person that Y/n's is his partner, and he won't tolerate any interference.

"I must say, I appreciate your courage, but you're wasting your efforts. Y/n is already taken, and their heart belongs to none other than myself." Vil says with a hint of authority, his tone unwavering.

🏹 Rook Hunt

Rook is drawn to beauty like a moth to a flame. And love is beauty. So when he sees someone trying to vie for Y/n's attention, his curiosity piques, and he finds it hard to resist getting involved.

Like a hunter stalking his prey, he'll watch the interaction with a mix of curiosity and amusement. He doesn't feel threatened by others trying to woo Y/n, as he trusts in the genuine connection they share. He might even use the opportunity to strike up a conversation with the person flirting with Y/n, finding their interactions to be amusing.

"Oh là là, another contender for Mon Poème Vivant’s heart? How delightful! Let's see if you can impress them as much as I do," Rook teases, eyeing him like a new prey.

🍎 Epel Felmier

Epel struggles to hide his irritation, and his usually soft-spoken voice might slip into a rougher tone as he tries to assert himself. He won't tolerate anyone undermining his connection with Y/n.

When the situation gets more intense, Epel might struggle to control his temper and find himself engaging in a more direct confrontation. If anyone tries to tease him in a taunting manner, his annoyance amplifies, and he might lash out with a sharp retort.

"Hey, I said step back! Don't make me show you how serious I am!" Y/n is mine, and I won't let anyone get in the way of that," Epel says with a hint of aggression, his eyes narrowing in annoyance.

💀 Idia Shroud

When Idia notices another man approaching Y/n, his mind immediately jumps to negative assumptions. He becomes anxious, thinking they might be more charming or attractive than he is, which adds to his insecurities. His shyness and withdrawal intensify when he feels jealous. He may step back a bit, feeling like he can't compete with the other guy's social skills. 

He might try to distract himself by pretending not to care. He withdraws slightly, avoiding eye contact and fidgeting with his phone or his tablet. But his eyes keep darting towards Y/n, unable to ignore the situation.

"If that guy bothers you, just tell me, and I'll... handle it," Idia mutters, looking down at the floor, his fingers fidgeting with his hoodie strings.

🤖Ortho Shroud

He'll be quick to notice any flirtatious advances towards Y/n and won't hesitate to intervene. With a mischievous grin, he'll subtly steer the conversation towards how amazing his brother Idia is.

He's observant, picking up on any slight changes in Y/n's mood. If he senses any discomfort or unease, he'll subtly draw Y/n away from the situation, offering them a way out.

"You know, my Brother Idia is not only incredibly talented but also caring and kind. Y/n is lucky to have someone like him," Ortho says with a glint in his eye, using the opportunity to showcase Idia's positive traits.

🐉Malleus Draconia

When Malleus witnesses someone approaching Y/n, he immediately becomes more attentive. His presence alone is imposing, causing people to think twice before approaching. But if someone thinks they got a chance, his normally calm demeanor doesn't waver, but a subtle tension becomes evident in his posture. He keeps a close eye on the situation, silently assessing the intruder.

As the other man tries to charm Y/n, Malleus can't help but feel a twinge of insecurity, wondering if he is enough to keep Y/n interested. His desire for a future with Y/n fuels the fear of being rejected.If the intruder persists, Malleus's protectiveness kicks in, and he might step closer to Y/n, positioning himself as a shield. He would fiercely defend what he holds dear.

"I trust my partner knows their boundaries and has made their decision," Malleus says, his voice steady but holding a hint of possessiveness. He doesn't want to pressure Y/n but also wants the other man to understand where they stand.

🦇Lilia Vanrouge

When Lilia notices another man trying to get Y/n's attention, he remains easygoing on the surface, but there's a subtle shift in his demeanor. He becomes more attentive, keenly observing the situation.

He'll approach the situation with a charming smile, acting as if he's not bothered by the other guy's attempts. However, his playful teasing takes on a slightly possessive tone.

"Ohoho, it seems someone is trying to make you blush, my dear Y/n. Just remember, if they step out of line, you have my permission to put them in their place," Lilia says with a wink, making sure Y/n knows he's got their back.

💤Silver

Silver's jealousy is a mix of protectiveness and determination. He might come across as aloof, but he won't let anyone else get in the way of what he values.

He'll stand close to Y/n, his arms crossed, and his expression stoic. He won't say much, but his mere presence is enough to convey a warning to the intruder.

"Y/n's not interested. You should leave," Silver says curtly, not bothering to hide his annoyance at the situation.

⚡Sebek Zigvolt

Sebek's jealousy is as loud as his personality. When he feels jealous, he can't contain his emotions, voice becomes even more prominent. He'll stand tall and puff out his chest, trying to appear even more imposing. His pride makes him want to prove that he's the best choice for Y/n.

Sebek doesn't hold back when it comes to expressing his discomfort with others approaching Y/n while they are together. He'll openly voice his disapproval with his booming voice, making sure everyone in the vicinity is aware that Y/n is his partner.

"Human,What do you think you're doing? You better stay away from Y/n! They've got better things to do than deal with the likes of you," Sebek declares, not mincing his words.

[saelterlude]

Don't mind me just compiling my favorite lc musical clips so I don't lose them. No particular order. pt.1 (pt.2, pt.3, pt.4, pt.5, pt.6 here)

(Mostly fullcam fancam because I prefer those to focused fancams)

24/01/2024, Ji Xiaokun's birthday, very cute and wholesome, Guo Hongxu got very excited introducing him

5/12/2023, Shu Rongbo and Du Guangyi singing the sofa song together

15/01/2024, Ji Xiaokun tries hogging the sofa, Guo Hongxu and Cai Lu disagrees

29/12/2023, I mostly like this one bcs its zoomed out and you can see how the room spins but if you're curious, it's also the one where Shu Rongbo drags Wu Yihan to the couch

13/01/2024 noon, I found their first performance a bit stiff so it kinda catches me off-guard when on their 2nd perf Wang Yifei slaps Zhu Hanbin's ass

22/12/2023, short one of Wang Minhui hating on a bubble gun

21/11/2023, Xian Donyue yeets Shu Rongbo across the room

30/11/2023, Overthink and Dive Back in Time special performance by Fan Ka and 白鲨Jaws. Also, Teng Chunpeng being hyper

28/11/2023, Ding Xingchen being cute, also he shared some smol kicks and punches with Du Guangyi

28/11/2023, same performance as the above but extended and fullcam, DXC, DGY and Li Zexi shares some funny high-fives, also it's Qian Anqi's birthday.

15/11/2023, Cai Lu introducing the cast after "Qiao Ling Jie save mee" -Guo Hongxu, also Ji Xiaokun is being cute here

23/11/2023, Wang Minhui focused but offscreen, Cai Qi is really having fun singing Dive Back in Time

07/01/2024 noon, have I mentioned how much I love that Cai Qi and Wang Minhui now plays their rock paper scissors legit? They got genuinely frustrated over it and it's funny

21/01/2024 noon, Ji Xiaokun and Deng Xianling armwrestling. Also Deng Xianling struggles reaching the table bcs Ji Xiaokun's dramatic ass pushes the sofa

26/01/2024, Zhu Hanbin focused but I'm just happy I finally found a Jing Yanqiao clip

31/12/2023 night, was hesitant to include this one bcs Wu Yihan was having a hard time, but he did still great and that should be appreciated

17. 24/12/2023 noon, Shu Rongbo and Wu Yihan being cute with the plushies. Also Shu Rongbo accidentally stabbed himself with Xian Dongyue's headband

18. 22/01/2024, Guo Hongxu gotta forcefully remove Shu Rongbo's leg off his. Also Shu Rongbo's laugh when he won rock paper scissor pls he's so cute

19. 30/12/2023 noon, Du Guangyi looks so happy poisoning Shu Rongbo

20. 11/11/2023, the first ever. Wang Minhui and Cai Qi still did the tutting facing each other

21. 25/01/2024, have this one of Cao Muzhi looking very dazed and out of it at first for some reason. Also Zhu Hanbin gotta change the dialogue a bit bcs he unexpectedly won with rock instead of paper

22. 15/01/2024, Guo Hongxu flustered bcs of Ji Xiaokun with a professional camera

I will add more to this list as they come, probably semi-frequently. Especially since Cao Muzhi's birthday is tomorrow so I wanna search a clip of that, as well as one of Bai Zhuoming bcs how come I have none of him? And of Fu Xiangan as soon as he debuts.

Also thank you to @chocolatexiaoshi for helping me complete the schedules!

[blue-jisungs]

( 소리 질러, you gotta make some noise ) — back to navi

a separate page for my moots because they deserve it teehee <3 definitely go check them out! i love you all so so much  ♡

in no particular order!

@slytherinshua — zanna banana my beloved <3 i love chatting abt dramas n freaking out abt taehyun (and minhyun) with you!!

@planetkiimchi — kimchi!!! my nct teacher 💔 no but you’re such an amazing person, you deserve all the love in the world!!!

@l3visbby — ola my mother 🫶 in changbin stans we trust!!!! occasionally my grammar police n above all a huge inspiration  ♡

@fairyhaos — yena!!! you’re so silly i love chatting with you 🥹 and ans you’re very talented, i love your works  ♡

@mirxzii — roxie hun my beloved!! you never fail to make me giggle, your carrd making skills always amaze me *-*

@etherealyoungk — skye!! i look up to you so much, not only when it comes to writing but also personally-wise, you’re so so lovely :(

@jluver — d!!! you’re so funny seriously i think it’s illegal 🫤

@vnsux — angie baby literal newborn 🫶 you’re so random sometimes but a ray of sunshine!!

@ddeonudepressions — ana my pooks n jay stan (i’m his gf tho🫤🫤🫤), you never fail to make me laugh 💔

@malarign — joo, jungwon’s grandma 😪 your works are so so cute but also you!! lovely n funny person, i love to chat with you esp abt enha’s polish shenanigans >:)

@lipedaisy — debs my personal guardian angel (#real) <3 you always make my day better n it’s so heart warming to talk to you a real anger i swear!???

@yeonscity-main — cay i’m 100% sure you don’t use tumblr anymore bc where are you. but that’s fine i have you and dc and ILYSM🫵🫵 my carrd maker n such a chaotic friend, i feel we have the same vibes ngl

@enluv — COCO THE COCONUT!!!! cutie patootie, my long lost twin??? bc it’s scary how similar our bias list is… you’re so so lovely n kind ♡

@rubywonu — ahhh nia!! you’re such a sweet person with the most angelic personality fr!! you deserve all the good things world has to offer :”)

@wheeboo — rania 🫵🫵 i am absolutely stunned by your writing skills but above all you’re so relatable seriously 😭

@wqnwoos — hana ‼️ i thiught i lost u (i love being dramatic) YOU’RE SO LOVELY!!! n funny too ngl 💔💔

@delcakoo — ema :”) we don’t talk a lot BUT LEMME TELL U!!! you’re so funny i aspire to reach your level of comedy 🫵 and also YOUR FICS? mwah chefs kiss ☝️

@sieunsgf — hazel, you're an og. YOU MET ME THROUGH WP. OG FR!!! you're so funny i feel like i need your secret funny juice  ♡

@hannieheartuu — ylli, you are such a lovely person, pure and kind soul

@icyminghao — noelle!!! you're literally so sweet and ur humour is immaculate 😎

@txt-yaomi — sof!!!!! you’re such a lovely and creative person, it’s blowing my mind!!! an absolute sweetheart ♡

@eternalgyu — hannie!!!!!!!! the legend 🫡 you’re so sweet n funny ngl, i’m glad zanna’s kindergarten teacher skills brought us together 🫵

@elviransworld — helene ?! the og since the begging, the most talented person (and prettiest) i’ve ever seen <3

( 'cause you know you're my bff ) — back to rules & taglist

[spicysix]

「eddie munson X gn!reader • roadtrip!AU」

2.7k words | prev | next | masterlist | ao3 warnings: trauma bonding! mentions of violence, of torture and of near-death experiences. also, they're both kinda in a bad mood. a nightmare will do that to ya songs of the chapter: ambrosia - carole king • move on - david bowie • i wanna be somebody (and the entire self titled album) - W.A.S.P.

Friday, July 25

Eddie Munson was a hard-headed prick.

Not completely, no, you’d find out already he could be convinced at some point, but it took a while. And you figured the morning after your night in Sioux Falls that he was actually being really nice until then. Because on topics that were more important to him, the man was tougher to break than a brick wall.

One of those topics? His van.

Because Eddie’s back was still not completely recovered from the night he’d spent on the front bench of the van, and because of his nightmare that had kinda ruined his night, you told him you should drive the van to your next stop so he could get some more rest.

And, oh boy, was he relentless about that.

He wasn’t like Steve and the Bimmer, it wasn’t about jealousy or fear of you breaking something or getting something dirty. No, it had to do with the mechanics.

You had both woken up early, thankfully, for he had spent almost an entire hour speeching and groaning and basically throwing a tantrum about how the van was old, bratty, difficult, damaged, faulty. And how the van needed certain specific things to engage, to accelerate, to break, to park. And how the van had tricks and wiles and gimmicks to work.

You heard it all silently, nodding, not doubting him for a second even though his dramatics were off the charts. Only after his show was over and he had thoroughly explained everything about the van’s problems more than once, only then you asked him to show you, and if you could try. He showed you, also complaining the whole time, and then you tried.

And managed it just fine.

“Shouldn’t doubt my expertise, Eddie,” you winked at him — your grandma would call you smug — and he grimaced with a blush to his ears while you left the parking lot you were practicing on and headed for the road. You were cackling the whole time.

You took the I-90 and headed east, as Eddie had been doing since Chicago — on purpose or not, you didn’t know. Leaving the prairies behind and welcoming the great plains’ monotony, the beauty of the Missouri River once you crossed it again, the sun high and almost oppressive above you.

You were still a little tired yourself, but Eddie let you choose the music once again, bobbed his head to Bowie’s voice and hid a wide grin behind his hand as he stared at the window’s landscape, took a nap after two or three songs, and it was all right.

── ⇌ • ○ • ⇋ ──

“You ever been to Yellowstone?” he asked, reading a pamphlet while you gathered some food supplies into your basket.

You had stopped around midday in a town right by the border to Wyoming for a bathroom break and to get some snacks for lunch and for the rest of the road. The mid-summer brought its peak, and so the little town was unusually full of people going and coming from all kinds of nature adventures and travels.

“Do I look like someone who has ever been to Yellowstone National Park on a family vay-cay, Eddie?” you answered without sparing him a look, an abnormal tone of sarcasm in your voice because, yeah, maybe family vay-cays were a triggering topic to you. And you were a little hungry, which in turn got you a little over-annoyed.

Eddie didn’t know any of that, though, and you instantly regretted the way you said it.

“I don’t know you very well, sweetie,” he retorted just as ironically, the nickname raised in pure poison, and it hurt more than you cared to think about in depth. “All I know is that you’ve probably worked at every single retail job in Hawkins, that you go to mine’s to buy… stuff every four months or so without much small talk, that you, Harrington and Buckley are glued at the hip and that we’ve stopped the world from ending together. Nothing else.”

You stopped your strolling through the market’s aisle and turned to him, sighing.

“I’m sorry, Eddie, that wasn’t nice of me. No, I’ve never been to Yellowstone. I’d really like to, though.”

He seemed to be caught off-guard by your sudden sincerity and stuttered some words that he couldn’t completely form.

“And I’m sorry if I never stopped for a conversation when I went to buy stuff from you. I should have.” You took a step further, getting closer to him, and he looked truly startled. Was he really this unfamiliar with apologies?

“Yeah, no, I-” He closed his eyes and sighed loudly, “You’re alright. I was just thinking about it…” He went back to the initial topic, maybe not wanting to linger on the emotional aspect of the conversation since he’d been enough emotionally vulnerable the night before, and waved the pamphlet about tourist spots in Wyoming right in your face.

You caught the pamphlet in your hands, handing Eddie the shopping basket for him to hold instead, and examined it. You went through its pages quickly but with enough attention to catch the most important pieces of information.

“We could give it a call and see if we can make a reservation? It’s unlikely since we’re in high season, but we can give it a try?” you asked, looking at him again and he was still looking at you as if you were a hard puzzle to solve.

He cleaned his throat, “Yeah, sure, we can do that.”

“Not like we have anywhere specific to be or a deadline to meet, right?” You winked, handed him the pamphlet and took the basket back, continuing on your shopping spree, back with your enthusiasm. “We gotta stop by the camping supply store!”

His laugh reverberated through the isle and into a little warm space between your ribs as he went after you with a muttered ‘Fucking Yellowstone, man’ under his breath; following your plans once again, giving you his trust so openly, and you wondered if you even deserved it. Probably not, but you’d take it either way.

── ⇌ • ○ • ⇋ ──

Everything fell into place perfectly in a summer miracle as you used a payphone to call the reservations number for a camping ground on Grant Village, a last-minute cancellation from a couple that had given you and Eddie the opportunity of a lifetime — you were also able to make a reservation for dinner on the Grant Village Dining Room for your first night. And as it seemed, the entirety of South Dakota’s population had decided to go camping all at once and left you and Eddie the final tent to buy at the store. You also bought other basic camping supplies that you didn’t have and deemed important. That government hush money was making itself very useful.

Eddie assured you he was fine to drive and so he took the wheel for the rest of your trip for that day — it was too early to stop yet, but Yellowstone was too far away still, so you’d find another place to spend another night. Your reservation in the National Park also didn’t start until the next day, so you’d have to wait anyway.

You were once again delegated to co-pilot duties, reading the map and giving Eddie directions. You also picked a tape of his own for the soundtrack this time.

Not even an hour in, something caught your eye on the map in your hands. “Eddie, what do you think about a lake day?” He chuckled and shrugged in response. “Look, there’s a lake less than ten miles from here.”

“Let’s go, then.” He didn’t take his eyes off the road to check where you were pointing at the map, just followed your instructions.

You drove for just a little while until you reached an exit with a plaque that read ‘Pine Haven’. In about 20 minutes, after a few more turns, some decision-making about which way to go, and the payment of a fee for entering the State Park, you were the closest you could get to the lake, in what looked like a growing little town with a few houses built. Eddie parked the van a little further away from the road and you both left it, you stretching your arms and legs as he went around to meet you on your side.

A man approached you, introduced himself as Coop, pointed at his house — told you to knock if you needed anything — and then pointed to the best way to the lake (actually a reservoir). He told you all about the region, the State Park, the reservoir, his family; and you and Eddie were enchanted by his hospitality, the fact that he barely batted an eye about the weird combination that the two of you were. So when he invited you to stop by later for a shower and dinner, you didn’t hesitate to say yes.

After that, you and Eddie changed clothes to more appropriate ones in the back of the van and walked a few more minutes until you were finally facing the reservoir waters. Eddie found the nearest tree and rested under its shadow in no time, taking his notebook and a pack of cigarettes from his jeans pocket. You came to leave your supplies by his side and looked around. There were a few families, not many, it was very quiet and you were glad. On the other margin, though, you could see a few more people — Coop had told you the roads were more accessible and the state park was first established there, making it more popular. But you liked that you were on a more recluse part of the reservoir.

You stripped to the top and sports shorts you had changed into — intuitively, subconsciously, somehow you had brought many useful clothes so far —  and covered yourself in sunscreen. Eddie had sunglasses on and seemed to be invested in whatever he was scribing in his notebook, but you felt his eyes burning on you from time to time as you turned your back to him. It made you smile for some reason (your grandma would call it wishful thinking).

He was still wearing dark jeans, they seemed more ripped, but less tight than the ones you had seen him using before, and so he rolled the hems up, took off his Reeboks, and buried his feet in the rocky sand. On his torso, he had a white tank — a surprisingly bright color, but you guessed an all-black look would make it unbearably hot for him. The scars on his neck that went up the left side of his jaw to his cheek were pink in the sunlight, but he didn’t seem to mind showing them off.

You approached him and offered the sunscreen: “You should take care of those battle scars, Eddie. They’ll likely be more sensible.”

He looked up at you, eyes still hidden behind the sunglasses (unfortunately, for he had pretty eyes you’d like to be seeing) but he accepted your offer and protected his scars and uncovered arms.

“How come you don’t have any battle scars yourself, soldier?” he asked, still spreading cream while you stretched your limbs.

“Mine are just covered.” You pulled up the hem of your shorts on your left leg and showed him the bite marks you had received from the bats on your first encounter with them when you all went after Steve into Lovers Lake. Turned around and pulled the fabric of your top that covered the bites on your right shoulder blade as well. “I was the one who got Dustin and Erica out back in Starcourt, so. No Russian torture for me as well, luckily.”

You draped a towel on the sand and lied down on it, ready to catch a tan. Your sun marks wouldn’t look pretty, but you weren’t so worried about that.

“If you hadn’t cut the rope, maybe we would be matching,” you said finally, before closing your eyes and enjoying the burning on your skin.

Eddie didn’t answer you. You didn’t intend for it to come out in a mean way, but maybe that’s how he interpreted it. And maybe you weren’t sorry for that — he could use a little snarl.

You were on his team with Dustin in the final battle. You were there because you had been able to protect Dustin once before, and you were trusted to do it again.

Which you did. You kept Dustin safe.

But you couldn’t keep Eddie safe, because he had cut the rope made of sheets after you fell through the portal, and left you and Dustin in the Rightside Up as he went back and faced those demonic bats all by himself in the Upside Down. If he hadn’t acted so impulsively, maybe you could have gone with him. Maybe the two of you would have been a more fair fight against the swarm of bats. Maybe he wouldn’t have almost died, maybe you wouldn’t have to see Dustin crying over his limp bloody body, maybe you wouldn’t have your own nightmares about that night.

You tried not to dwell on it.

You tried not to blame Eddie for it.

You tried not to blame yourself for it.

“You slept on my bed last night?” he chose to ask after a little while in silence, his voice a little shaky, and you bit your lip to stop your own eyes from tearing up before answering. You didn’t like talking about it, and maybe neither did he.

“No, I waited until you slept and went back to mine.”

You left out the part that you watched him sleep for hours, he didn’t need to know. You didn’t need to scare him like that. To make him aware that you were afraid he would stop breathing at any second, that his skin would go cold and his heart would stop beating. Like it had happened before.

No, he didn’t need to know that his worse nightmare was the same as your own.

He made a noise in acknowledgment and you took a deep breath and focused on the sun kissing your skin and the laughter of the kids playing in the water a few feet away. He focused on whatever he was doing, and you kept it to yourselves whatever was plaguing your thoughts. The air was crisp with tension, and you hated it, but you tuned it out. You could talk about it later.

── ⇌ • ○ • ⇋ ──

You didn’t talk about it later.

You didn’t talk about how neither of you dared to go diving in the lake, how you lingered on the margins, only going as further as to where the water reached your knees.

You didn’t talk about how Eddie didn’t take off his tank top.

You didn’t talk about how a couple walked past the two of you and stared too openly and too rudely at Eddie’s facial scars.

You didn’t talk about how you asked just as rudely what the hell they were staring at. But he smiled gratefully at you for it.

You didn’t have to talk about it. You knew how each other felt.

So he dragged you to a more hidden part among the trees and shared a joint with you. You laughed about nonsense together and went back to Coop’s house still giggling. You shared a towel for your showers because Betty (Coop’s wife) only had one to spare and you didn’t mind. You shared a couch during dinner because the table was already filled with Coop’s family and some other welcomed tourists, and you both received tight hugs from Betty before you went back to the van for the night.

You thought it best not to take the tent out of its package, both of you too high and afraid you wouldn’t be able to put it back later — and forgetting about the entirely available back of the van. Oh, well.

You both agreed to sleep on the same mattress, as much space between you as possible, backs turned to each other. After what felt like enough time, after you noticed that he was already asleep, you turned slowly not to wake him and stared at his back for a while. The repetitive movement of his muscles was soothing, and you matched your breath to his. The warmth of his skin still radiated and reached you somehow, even with the distance still fairly big between you two. And his calm, even breathing rhythm scared away your fears.

None of you had bad dreams that night.

end notes: i've made way too much research about this area of Wyoming for this chapter. Pine Haven was actually only Incorporated as a town by december of '86. I have no idea how the town looked months before that, so I didn't describe it a lot, made it vague on purpose. fun fact: Coop is the actual name of the guy who, alongside his wife Betty, founded Pine Haven back in the 50s - at least that’s what the town’s official website told me lmao. i obviously have no idea if they were actually this nice, but i wanted them to be a very wholesome and welcoming couple for the sake of the fic. also! let's suspend our disbelief, i know the chances of them being able to get a last minute reservation on what's probably the most popular national park in the US was very unlikely if not completely impossible. but everything is doable in a fic-world, right? right. to yellowstone we go, then

taglist (is open!): @amira0303 @rupsmorge @wyverntatty

[where-that-old-train-goes]

youre cool dice to me as well tbhhhh. i will hear about the gay newspaper boys and thats okay with me!

OUGJ OUGHO OUGH OUYYAVH OUGH OUAGH OKAG SO ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

the ones i sent you were jack kelly and david jacobs (jack being the shorter one, davey being the tall one who looks like a pathetic gay wet cay given human form). they are (…probably… two of the uk actors, when asked what a newsies sequel would be about, just looked dead at the camera and started holding hands in silence soooo) not canonically gay but. they are in my heart. davey is generally regarded as the walking equivalent of that ‘im not canonically autistic but it’s heavily implied’ text post meanwhile jack is that one that’s like ‘i’ll get over it i just have to be over dramatic first’ (in the 1992 movie he steals a horse and a hat so he can pretend to be a cowboy while dramatically riding down the streets of new york while singing about how he yearns for davey to move out west immediately after eating dinner with davey and looking generally like a teenage boy who is madly in love). also the guy who plays him in the original movie tripped over his own feet in the film take and the most well known guy to play him in the musical famously cannot dance for shit. and if you hear anyone talk about davey having blue eyes just know i disagree that man has ben fankhauser’s big sad wet brown eyes

[basicallyjustmuggleremuslupin]

being in love with asian food but not being able to handle spices should be illegal

[ladytabletop]

Could you make a d10 list of the aftermath(s) of a battle under the sea?

The waves roil and churn for weeks afterward, bubbling and steaming with rogue magic.

Viscera and blood make the sea murky, drawing ever more scavengers to feed and fight.

The reef is all but dead. But given time, it will subsume the ruins of submersibles and weapons and even bones. It will grow to be more formidable than ever.

The carcasses of sea monsters sink to the ocean floor, where they will sustain new ecosystems for decades to come. Even in death, the sea remembers them.

There's a hole in the ocean. Water pours in, going who knows where. It is deep, and it is dark.

A mist permeates the surface above the battle site, tangy with salt and blood.

For years to come, fisherman pull up weapons and armor in their nets borne toward shore by the currents.

The sand of nearby beaches is littered with fragments of wood and bone, slowly being worn down by wind and wave.

They say the cay is haunted. The ruins of a submerged city only add to the myth.

The currents flow differently now. Great rents torn in the sea floor combined with wreckage and shifted silt have changed the undersea landscape so dramatically, the water had no choice but to adapt.

all d10 lists

[the-character-lounge]

[Spinel opens up a little about his cross-dressing and Flannel]

Continuing from the last post:

Randy watched him leave, and looked at the tea cups. “.. wh- what did I say?” he asked them, his eyes wide in surprise. He looked back over towards Spinel’s bedroom, looked at the tea cups, and sighed. He knew it probably wasn’t a good idea to follow after him. They’d probably start fighting. And the last thing he wanted, especially after that productive day with Cai, was to fight.While he waited for Spinel to cool down, he decided he’d make them breakfast. After a half-hour of scrambling and chopping, he had prepared two small fruit cups and two plates of seasoned scrambled eggs. He looked around in the cabinets, found a large breakfast tray and placed the food on it. He poured some orange juice and fresh cups of tea, and then went over to the door. He knocked, and stood there waiting. “Sp- Spinel? C- Can I come i- in? I h- have br- breakfast…”

The door opened, but it was by magic. Spinel was pretty dramatically sprawled out on his bed face down, still in his robe, the photo off to the side on a pillow. He had his own face completely buried and when Randy was coming in he started to pull the blanket around and over his head.

Randy slowly closed the door behind him, and came over to the bed. He stood by it, looking at him for a moment, before sliding on to the bed beside him. He took a grape out from one of the fruit cups, turned towards the unicorn, and softly lifted the blanket. “S- Say aww.”

"Wh- what the hell are y--" he paused when he looked at what was being offered, realizing it was a grape. His eyes were a bit puffy but if he'd been crying it long since passed since they weren't red and his cheeks were dry. He flushed just slightly and looked away stubbornly, but opened his mouth either way, more or less looking humiliated but wanting the attention.

Randy smiled and softly placed it on his tongue before scooting the tray up between them. “Y- You should eat something,” he said softly, running his hoof over Spinel’s mane a couple times. “Al- Always good to start th- the day with a little something…” His hoof went from the top of his mane to his ear, and he gave it a soft rub before resting it on a nearby pillow.

 He chewed the grape slowly before swallowing, quietly sitting up and looking over the tray. He looked at Randy again, slwoly rubbing his eyes and fixing up his mane a bit since it was a bit of a mess from the fact that he'd fallen asleep in curlers earlier. Honestly, he didn't think Randy would stick around, so now he just felt awkward and tried to distract that feeling with the food, eating a bit and sipping some tea in silence. The flower 'pin' was resting on the bedside table, still kept in its little magical glass stem vase.

After he'd had about half of his tea, he felt the slow relief of relaxation coming over him. This was just a mellow tea, after all. He turned his head to the photo, mumbling, "Pretty, huh...?"

“Mhm. V- Very pretty,” he said softly, sitting up with Spinel and holding his own tea cup in his hooves. He looked down at the swirling, steaming liquid before taking a sip. “… I- I’m sorry if I s- said something e- earlier th- that had.. made you upset.” He looked over at the flower. It was looking much fuller, and golden looking spots had formed near the central stamen. He wondered if Spinel had tampered with it in anyway, or if it was growing on it’s own.

He scoffed and stared flatly at Randy as he downed the rest of his tea, wanting the haze to come faster. "Spot the differences. You're good at that kind of shit aren't you?" He picked up the photo and shoved it at the ram, glaring at the image.

Randy sipped the tea, and shrugged as he gave the picture a glance over. “T- To be p- perfectly honest, b- besides the make- up and clothes, there’s not much of a difference.” He looked over at him and smiled, despite the flat look he was getting. “Y- You’re still just as pretty as y- you ever were.” He placed the photo back on his lap, shrugging as he looked back forward at the flower, raising the tea cup to his lips.

"You're just saying that so I don't get pissed off." he spoke bitterly, not snapping since he was drifting in to a mellow state. "If I wore any of that crap now and walked around town, I'd just make ponies throw up."

Randy shook his head and looked at him earnestly. “I d- don’t think so.. a- and if there w- were ponies that did, w- well they’re stupid, bl- blind assholes.” He scooted a bit closer. “Sp- Spinel, I’m r- really n- not just saying that.. I really d- do believe that.” He smiled. “A- And you should too…” Leaning back against a pillow, he started feeling the mellow effects of the tea as well, and took a deep breath in through his nose, and let it out in a slow sigh.

"Why? It's not true." He laughed slowly and slid down until he was lying back, tray on his stomach as he lazily nibbled things here and there. "I tower over fuckin' everything. You've said it yourself. I'm incredibly handsome."

“Wh- What? You can’t b- be both pretty and handsome?” he asked, looking over at him with a serious smile. He picked up a fork, and took a small bite of eggs before lying on his side and softly playing with Spinel’s curls.

 "Fuck I-- I don't know, come on..." His ear flicked a little when his mane was played with, and he looked at Randy with a near pitiful gaze. "And what if I change...? What if I can't?"

 “Wh- What do you mean b- by change?” he asked, his hoof softly massaging his ear tip. He didn’t know what that meant. Change into what? Wouldn’t he still be himself, regardless of if he wore make-up or a dress?

 He was frustrated, but it hurt more to be frustrated than it did to feel better being angry. "Dammit... Randy, any pony with a brain would see a stallion no matter how the fuck I dressed. It's cute and all that you don't seem to think so but that just isn't how it is."

 "B-But.." He sat quietly for a moment, staring at him. "... If it makes y- you happy, th- then why w- would you c- care what they s- see?"

"Because what they see makes me fucking happy, okay?!" He paused, wide eyed, then slowly covered his mouth and turned his head away, brows furrowing and quivering a bit.

Randy shut up right away, and he looked away, feeling embarrassed he had said anything. He looked down at his lap and softly twiddled his hooves. He guessed that made sense. And the way he acted that night at the observatory should have been an indicator of that. In fact, a lot of the ways Spinel reacted to compliments and the like.. it all made sense. He had no idea what to say, he felt to embarrassed.

After some silence, Spinel frustratedly flipped the photo over so he wouldn't have to look at it any more. He shoved a bunch of fruit in his mouth, but it didn't help and while he was mellowed out he still felt anxious. He moved the tray to the side and got out of the bed to pace around a little. "So what did this solve? I could have kept my mouth shut about it. You wouldn't have cared, you don't see the difference, so what was the point...?"

“.. th- the point w- was to try and h- help you move on fr- from something you st- still clearly haven’t moved on from.” He pouted and scooted over to the edge of the bed, watching Spinel pace. “N- Not to mention I’m tr- trying to help you l- like a part of y- yourself you’re n- neglecting.” He crossed his forelegs and tapped his back hoof. “A- Am I doing s- something wrong, tr- trying to get you t- to accept a part of y- yourself that was a- and still is beautiful?”

 "What makes you think I haven't moved on? If I didn't, I'd still be wearing dresses and trying to fuck whatever stallions payed the most attention to me...!" He sat back down on the bed, then went in to that dramatic face down flop that he was seen in before, letting off a long exasperated groan but settling and slowly pulling the pillow in to a hug. He nuzzled his face in to it slowly, mumbling and slightly muffled, "He dumped me off because I wasn't beautiful any more... Blind bastard... Full of shit.."

Randy looked over at him as he flopped down on the bed. He slowly turned and laid down belly first also, snuggling into a pillow and observing him quietly. After a some silence, he softly ran his hoof over Spinel’s back, and continued to stare at him quietly. “.. did you like him?” he asked softly, still gently petting his back as his eyes studied the top of the unicorn’s messy mane.

"Ahaha, no." He stared at the headboard of the bed. "... But he made me like myself... I liked that." He bit his lip, slowly looking at Randy. There was, just a moment, a hint of fear in his eyes. A lot of trust broken in the deep blue.

Randy scooted a bit closer, and softly touched Spinel’s cheek, stroking it softly. Mesmerized by his eyes once again, it took him a moment to regain focus. He smiled and moved his hoof from Spinel’s cheek to his shoulder, still staring back as he rubbed it. No words, just a small nod and a knowing smile. “Th- There’s lot’s of things to like,” he replied softly, still stroking his shoulder.

"According to who?" He found himself moving closer, even if he was denying, he wanted to have someone tell him he was wrong. He craved the attention. "There aren't a lot of ponies who like me. But they adored me back then. Now, even if I act the same, I'm just an asshole."

“W- Well.. ac- according to me, I guess.” He rubbed the back of his head and chuckled sheepishly. “Of c- course, I guess my opinion doesn’t h- hold any weight.. does it?” He chuckled and shrugged. “S- Sure, you can be a liiiiitttllle bit o- of a jerk sometimes. B- But I mean I still l- like you regardless.” He stuck out his tongue and averted his gaze a moment to regain his composure. “You c- can’t get every pony in the world to like y- you. I- It’s just facts.” He shrugged, and softly took one of his hooves in his. “B- But you kn- know something? N- No matter wh- what clothes you have o- on your back, or h- how much eye shadow you have on, you’ll still be this ad- adorable, sweet, funny, stallion that this silly ram likes.” He paused, and flushed a little bit, looking down at the bed sheets beneath them. “S- So um.. t- take it or leave it I suppose.”

He nuzzled up to him, hooves wrapping around and hugging tightly. "I'll take and take and take it as long as you have it." He didn't know what that really meant, but it just came out that way. "I'm a greedy bitch, you know. So if you think that's worth it..."

Randy snuggled back up to Spinel and pressed his forehead to the unicorn’s. “.. I h- have plenty to give. S- So take away~” He smiled and softly kissed his nose. “.. b- but you’re r- really not as g- greedy as you th- think you know.” He kept his nose pressed to his and smiled. “Y- You’ve given so much m- more than you realize.”

 "Yeah well. I know that. I give a hell of a lot. I just don't get much back for it and it pisses me off." His words were harsh but his voice was calm. "... So... How should I talk about it..?" Hesitance. "I mean. If this thing's going to be a problem." he tried to cover up.

Randy smiled and softly kissed his lips. “W- Well, I’ll b- be happy to make up the difference then~” he chuckled and softly stroked his side. “W- Well.. I th- think we c- can pin i- it all on Fl- Flannel if i- it comes down to it… w- we’ll j- just say he l- lured you into s- some kind of deal a- and took advantage of you.” He paused. “.. B- But if y- you just.. w- want to talk a- about th- the experience of.. um.. cross dressing, th- then I guess you can j- just talk to me about it, and I’ll listen.” He smiled a reassuring smile.

 "He'd shit himself and run, I just know it." He flushed a little suddenly, "I didn't even know what cross dressing was back then, that's just how I dressed..." He gave a really awkward smile, and sat up, looking around for a distraction. He was much more loose with his words and relaxed, sure, but he was feeling a little naked somehow.

 Randy smiled and remained laying on his side, looking up at him. “Th- That’s really cu- err, interesting.” He felt himself flush a bit, and he nervously played with one of his own ears. “W- Well umm.. e- even if y- you didn’t dr- dress in p- public.. I umm.. I wouldn’t m- mind um…” He felt himself flush a bit more and he looked away, trying to muffle the next bit. “I w- wouldn’t mind i- if you dressed l- like that around m- me once i- in awhile… y- you know, i- if you’re s- still interested in d- doing that s- sort of thing…”

He blinked a few times, then cleared his throat softly. "I can only do it if I think I look good in it." He spotted the flower, and leaned over Randy to pick it up and play with the stem in his hoof. He was flattered, but at the same time lacking in confidence and feeling a lot of bitterness and hurt from events repeating in his mind.

“O- Oh.. w- well um… m- maybe l- later today… s- since things s- seem to have.. b- been relatively c- calm… w- we could uh.. g- go.. d- dress… sh- n- no no!” He waved his hooves from side to side and shook his head. “N- Never mind th- that’s… a dumb i- idea..” He rubbed the back of his head. “I w- would like t- to do something with you t- today. I- If you’re not t- too busy wi- with other things.”

"I'm fine wherever as long as you can't get enough of me." he smiled coyly, slipping the flower in to his mane to cover up the messed up curls he wasn't able to fix. Still, despite the coy look, he was feeling that lingering bitterness. "I was with Flannel almost three years, you know." He paused, then looked down, realizing there was something Randy would understand. "Actually. Wasn't much different from your ex. They say a lot of the same bullshit."

 He sighed and nodded. “Th- They tell you.. e- everything y- you want to hear…” he softly touched his hooves together. “Th- They say it, w- without h- hesitation. A- And you soon s- start to forget wh- where the lies end.. and where the reality begins…” He looked over at Spinel and cheered up a bit. “B- But, I know w- with you you’ll al- always b- be honest with me. I r- really admire that.” He gently kissed his cheek as he sat up as well.

 He stared off, not giving that same cheer back. "And then they suddenly cut you off and everything you thought you knew suddenly crumbles down and you don't know who you are or what you're supposed to be any more." Holy shit that was like he just pushed a ton of smog out of his lungs when he said that. His eyes looked heavy.

His smile faded, and he watched Spinel’s expression give way to darker thoughts. Randy softly took one of his hooves in his and squeezed, sensing the despair.. but yeah, in a way he knew what that had been like. He softly hugged Spinel’s foreleg to him, and he pressed his cheek into the unicorn’s shoulder.

 He let out a deep sigh. He wasn't sure where to go from there. Those 3 years shaped a good chunk of his life and yet he didn't know what to say about them. He was so proud of coming this far but yet couldn't tell about how he did it. He let out a dry laugh, mocking himself really.

Randy softly rubbed his arm, not reciprocating the laugh. “… They’re g- gone.. with no ex- explanation,” he replied very quietly. “.. y- you wander thr- through life, w- with them l- leading th- the way… an- and you feel l- like they kn- know where th- they’re going… s- so you f- follow.” He nuzzled into his shoulder more and stared off. “A- And then.. th- they just leave with th- the drop of a hat.. and then y- you’re lost…” a- and you have to find your own way.” He paused for a few moments, before looking up at Spinel and smiling weakly. “… b- but I’m gl- glad I bumped i- into you wh- while stumbling around in the dark.”

"Unlike those pricks I don't let shit go so easily. Flannel still has me up his ass wether he likes it or not. And I know he fucking loves it." Spinel had a very dangerous smile there a moment. If hell had no fury like a woman scorned, then Spinel's was likely the kind that hell needed to run on in the first place. "So, Randy, when you asked me to never leave you? Hahahaa.... Bitch, you can't get rid of me."

[jackhkeynes]

zar "serious"

zar /zar/ [zɑː]

serious, committed, for keeps, risky, undertaken with something staked on the outcome;

purposeful, deliberate, (of an act) not done lightly but instead with full regard of the possible consequences;

meaningful, high-stakes, dramatic, tense, (of a narrative situation) there being a lot on the line that might be lost or not achieved;

competitive, heated, rivalrous, antagonistic, (of a game) characterised by a strong desire to win on both sides or even of outright hostility;

cutthroat, dog-eat-dog, with a ruthless focus on personal gain

also cair zar "to matter, be important, have consequences"

Etymology: from sixteenth-century zar "risky, high-stakes", transferred from the name of a gambling dice game. This comes via Napolitan zara from Arabic زَهْر (zahr) "dice". Doublet of hasart "peril, danger", which comes via French. Used exclusively of games and competitions until the nineteenth century, when the idiom with cair is first attested.

"Cay zar!" dis jo cant corroim nos. /ke zar | dɪz ʒo kant kɔˈrɔim nɔz/ [ke zɑː | dɪˈʝo kan kʊˈʀɔim nɔz] fall serious | say.pst 1s when run-pst-1p 1p "It's not a game!" I said as we ran.

[yaachtynoboat711]

You’re invited to Yaa’s Birthday Simping Fic Fest!

Hey, my babies! I’ve never done something like this but I’m excited so let’s go!

My 26th birthday is on 7/11! For my birthday, I want all the things. By all the things, I mean fics. I requested fics from a few ppl back in 2018, but I wanna do it bigger!

Here are the guidelines:

They can be any genre. It can be birthday related or not. Go wherever the spirit leads you!

No age gap fics.

MUST be over 18. No exceptions.

OPTIONAL: you can use Aminah Davis (my M’Baku OC) or Dr. Karis Z. Brown (my newest OC for Kevin Atwater)

People to write for:

Kevin Atwater

M’Baku

Agent Jack “Whiskey” Daniels

Agent Javier Pena

Prompts:

“Stay like that. I want to take a picture of you.” (this could be either real fluffy or real filthy, either way, what bliss.)

“I want to listen to your voice all the time.”

“Hey, calm down.” “They threatened you!” “Yes, I know. Let me handle it.”

“I bet you won’t even get one point against me.” “Oh, are you challenging me?”

“Alright, I will be your nurse today, if you like it or not.”

Massages. Maybe one of them had a rough day or isn’t feeling the best

“I wanna be in your skin, dummy.”

“Sleep, (term of endearment). I’ll protect you from the nightmare.”

“I know you usually hate celebrating your birthday, so I thought I’d make it a little bit extra special.” “By kidnapping me?!” “Now you’re just being dramatic.”

Additional Info:

For entry, please DM me with which character and the prompt of your choice. Deadline for entry is July 5th.

Submissions are due July 10th, no later than July 11th.

Use the tags #yaasbdayff and #ficsforyaa and tag me in your story!

Lastly, if you know ppl that are interested

Taglist:

@muse-of-mbaku @kumkaniudaku @goddessofthundathighs s @mbakusthrone @mbakuwife @crushed-pink-petals-writes @forgottenthoughtsandmemories @jackburtonsays @randomwordprompts @bakarilennox @wakandan-flowerz @blackpantherreblogs @ljstraightnochaser @babygirlofwakanda @eerythingisshaka @washyourlinens @turn-thy-paige @doublesidedscoobysnacks @wakandas-vibranium @dramaqueenamby @oshasimone @destinio1 @sonofnjobu @teheeboo @sarahboseman @itsjustyazz @iamrheaspeaks @chaneajoyyy @lovelynervouschaos @cay-cah @coonflix @katasstrophey @mareethequeen @jozigrrl @jellybean531 @awerkofart @storibambino @maya-leche @blackgirloneshots @royallyprincesslilly @certifiednatural @abeautifulmindexposed

[saelterlude]

started making this list early (11/02) even though there's no new performance until 16/02 bcs i accidentally found somethings (also bcs I was doing that cursed height ranking).

so here is link click musical clip list pt.3! (pt.1, pt.2, pt.4, pt.5, pt.6 here)

37. 15/11/2024, this! the OG hug with Shu Rongbo and Wu Yihan! Back when Shu Rongbo still (attempts to) have canon accurate split bangs and ponytail (unlike now when he has, adorable, messy bangs and a hard-to-spot ponytail), and his jacket still fits lol.

38. 17/02/2024, Cai Qi being a menace at rock paper scissors, Cai Lu being a menace on the sofa (+dog hat), and Wu Yihan being a menace to Hong Guo and they struggle to hold hands?? during curtain call. Also I don't understand why does Wu Yihan look so tiny next to Cai Qi, like? I never thought he was smol before this??

39. 06/01/2024, maybe it's because I was very tired when I found this but Du Guangyi tossing the cushion away like that is exactly my type of humor.

40. 16/02/2024, Let me give you the loudest QL slap you'll ever heard courtesy of Wu Hanglu and Wang Yifei's shoulders. Also, behavior wise Du Guangyi maybe the least LG-like LG actor but god do I like his humor (pls he jumped up the table like a pocong lol, and the way he jump kicked Wang Yifei? He's a Gem.).

(Honestly, I think I can make a whole other list just full of the shit Du Guangyi pulls. He's very mischievous but also giving grandpa. But I won't because @shimmeringweeds is working on a gifset of it <3 Goodluck!!)

41. 21/02/2024, Cai Qi being extra heart hands <3 and Wang Minhui being extra aggressive.

42. 24/02/2024 day, I have nothing to say other than Guo Hongxu is really pretty. No, I cannot explain why i pick this particular clip. Look up stage door pictures from this day too, I swear he's just really pretty on that day.

43. 25/02/2024 day, a second Guo Hongxu clip. Look at him being embarrassed and becoming a loaf.

Counting down to the 100th link click musical performance! These are the official special encore recordings from the musical's weibo acc. So they're modified versions of the actual performance.

Since we're getting into songs outside the usual encore, I'll reference you to this post by @sgdlr-asdfghjkl with lyrics and brief explanation to each song, it's an unofficial transcript but it's the best we currently have.

These first two are "Words Can't Convey My Love" (M07)

44. 20/02/2024, Wang Minhui bets he can confess better than Bai Zhuoming better, sings the confession song and fails miserably. And poor Wu Hanglu accidentally got kicked by Bai Zhuoming.

45. 22/02/2024, You have to watch this one. You have Du Guangyi being the comedic genius that he is, cocky speech, dramatic pause, Lu Guang rizz, pathetic crying, failed confetti. You get the best Wang Yifei outfit, also he's skipping around the stage. And Qian Anqi can't help but laugh too!

46. 23/01/2024, We got "Faith of Friendship" (M05). Teng Chunpeng and Du Guangyi gotta do pushups if they fail to land a shot, and the ending is hilarious, do give it a watch.

*note: You can see how M07 and M05 are actually supposed to go in the bottom of the pt.2 list.

Next two are also of the same song, the extended ver. of the sofa song "Forget About It" (M03). TW: hanging/noose. They take CXS's "I'll hang myself here" joke and put it in the song.

47. 24/02/2024 night, actor/role swap stage! Wu Yihan played CXS, Deng Xianling played LG, and Ding Xingchen played QL. Wu Yihan was definitely having fun howling here. Also, disastrous cast introduction by Ding Xingchen lol.

48. 25/02/2024 day, the actors are the right way around this time with Guo Hongxu, Ji Xiaokun, and Cai Lu. But they're all using different local dialect! You can even see Cai Lu cheats and read from her phone.

49. 25/02/2024 night, "As The Saying Goes" (M08), where mother and son have a quarrel. Cai Qi as CX gets scolded x4 by the rest of the cast as CX's mama. Yes, that includes Wang Minhui putting him in timeout. But there's more!

50. 25/02/2024 night, a very important fancam on the performance above. It's shaky but pls pay close attention to Zhang Jiahao, should be easy, the fancam is focused on him. the wig, the very real fried chicken (i thought it was a fake, it wasn't), he was munching the entire time, and the chair, thank you very much sir. You can even see him offering a bite and getting scolded by Deng Xianling.

(very good, very funny, a very special one fitting for the 50th clip.)

That's all for this list.

Last time I added a bonus clip of Wu Yihan in Love Musical. This time you can have these two bonus clips of Shu Rongbo absolutely slaying it in Hey!Arizona Musical. IDK what it's about but the set and costumes are so damn cool.

[squeakygeeky]

To Sir, With Love/Khun Chai Review

I’m going to try to write a review that doesn’t spoil anything specific past the first two episodes, but it will include general spoilers especially about the type of ending. So if you want to know exactly what you’ll be getting into before starting a 17 episode series with 1hr+ episodes, this is for you.

Tldr: To Sir, With Love was one of the most enjoyable things I’ve watched all year and I highly recommend it, even to people who don’t watch BL. I especially recommend it to fans of soapy period dramas.

Genre-wise I wouldn’t consider it a BL since there’s a lot going on besides a romantic relationship, but the central character is gay, his romance is the main romance, and the fact that he is gay is what drives the plot. It’s a Thai lakorn, but I haven’t seen any others so I don’t know how it compares to others. For me it was like the gay baby of a BBC period drama and a telenovela. Off the top of my head content warnings would include suicide, homophobia, child abuse and violence but I’m sure there’s more stuff, this is a melodrama.

For all that it is soapy as heck, it holds together pretty well. Sure, no one ever gets to have a private conversation and there are a bunch of essentially magic glittery poisons that people throw at each other in hilariously dramatic fight scenes, but people act in the way you would expect their characters to act (just, you know, turned up to 11 with evil cackling) and the aren’t a bunch of what I’ll call ‘random situations.’ ‘Random situations’ being what someone was used to describe the ‘plot’ of Unforgotten Night. Here, everything happens because people are scheming, and their schemes keep bumping into each other in interesting ways, and it all somehow makes sense within the context of the melodramatic world it exists in. It can shift from genuinely heartbreaking to absolutely bonkers, but not in a way that I minded.

This got long, anything spoiler-y is after the cut.

Premise: The story starts in 1931 with the powerful 5 Dragons Association, headed by a man named Song. His associates are Zhang (Song’s longtime associate and right-hand man), Ma (the ambitious gangster-type), Cai Xiaotong (a widow who runs a ‘tea house’), and Sung (who was basically minding his own business the whole series). Song has a first wife named Li, a secondary wife named Chan, and a mistress named Bua. Li’s son Tian was born a day earlier than Chan’s son Yang, so he will inherit his father’s position and Chan is not happy about that. However, the two brothers are good friends and spend a lot of time with Bua who is luckily sane and very nice, unlike their actual mothers.

At a 5 Dragons meeting, Ma outs Zhang, causing Song to give Ma control over their new coffee venture instead because he believes a homosexual can’t be a strong business leader. In the resulting argument, Zhang is kicked out of the 5 Dragons Association altogether, and shortly after Zhang commits suicide in front of everyone, cursing Song. Shortly after, Li realizes that Tian is probably gay and decides this secret must be hidden from everyone at all costs.

Fast forward to 1943 and the 5 Dragons Association continues to be successful with only 4 members, but Thailand is occupied with Japanese soldiers. Tian has grown up into a serious and responsible young man, while Yang is more carefree and prone to getting into trouble. Despite years of Chan trying to poison Yang against Tian, he has no interest in taking over the business and the two brothers are as close as ever.

Tian is well aware that he’s gay, but is hiding it from everyone but his mother and her loyal servant Jia. Jia knows how to make poisons and do martial arts and that will be important later. Chan discovers that Tian has a terrible secret that could lead to him being removed as heir and is desperate to discover what it is. Tian meets and falls with Jiu, a candy seller with a dark secret of his own, while Yang falls in love with and adorable scammer named Pin. Unfortunately for all parties, Tian learns that his mother has arranged for him to be married to Pin, and his father will make him his official successor contingent on this marriage.

The narrative structure actually reminded me a lot of UWMA. There was a tragic event in the past that started to play out all over again in the present, and the series hinges on whether history would repeat itself or if the characters would find a new way forward.

Costumes: The costume design in this series was excellent. I don’t know much about Chinese and Thai fashion history, just Western, but I could tell what era the show was supposed to be set in by clothes alone, which is really all I ask for in terms of historical accuracy. And they went beyond that and put hats on people (ask any historical fashion lover in your live about hats and hairstyles in historical fiction, I dare you). The only garment I questioned was Yang’s one inexplicably slutty polo shirt. The costumes looked great, and they suited each character’s status and personality.

Characters: There were a lot of characters, but I didn’t find them that hard to keep track of. I think this was partly because they had distinct personalities and motivations, and also because they were pretty much all there from the beginning, it wasn’t like new characters were suddenly getting introduced for drama.

The female character were especially great, even when they were being completely terrible. They all had so much to do, and although the rivalry between Li and Chan drove most of the plot, there were also some great team-ups between the women.

Tian, Yang, Jiu and Pin were a whole set of cinnamon rolls (plus Bua). I appreciated having genuinely nice people to root for, and their niceness never felt bland or boring. Tian was caring and self-sacrificing without having to be completely passive, Yang was cheeky but always loving, Jiu had a completely understandable motivation for the bad things he did, and Pin was clever and funny.

Tian and Jiu had great chemistry. I loved their romance and although there was definitely an element of love at first sight, their relationship definitely developed over time. This was a low-heat series, but what heat there was all went to them and not Yang and Pin, which I appreciated. Yang and Pin were also great together, though. Tian and Yang had an amazing brotherly bond despite everything and that was one of my favorite things about the show.

Ending: The ending was super happy, but then in a way that I thin fit because everything had to circle back to Zhang’s suicide in a way where either something equally tragic had to occur or tragedy had to be thoroughly averted, and this was ultimately a *fun* series, not a tragic one. Several characters died during the climactic events, but not a single cinnamon roll. This was not a show where the gay couple had to leave everything behind and run off in order to be together. Tian did not have to enter into a sham marriage or do anything secretive anymore. In fact, Tian didn’t really have to compromise anything in order to live happily with Jiu. Yang and Pin also got to be together, but it ended with the focus on Tian and Jiu, not with Yang and Pin’s wedding, which I felt like it easily could have. I can’t name a single historical anything were a queer couple got an ending this happy (but if you can please tell me so I can watch it).