#come back i want my full romance novel not just the introduction

[hopeful-hufflepuff-peeves]

I am where meet cutes come to die

[catskets]

From Desires to Demo: How to Write a Good Demo for your Visual Novel

I'm deciding I want to expand on some topics in longer, fuller-length posts based on points I made in this general VN development post.

There is a problem that players have expressed to me about visual novel demos, especially in horror/romance/yandere circles these days: they are not demos at all. Rather, they feel like introductions to the characters and the setting, and nothing happens at all. No one wants to have to go find out everything good about your game by going to your Tumblr and going through 10+ months of asks to get themselves hyped up for your game. Most people are not going to do that. They will instead play your demo and go "this isn't enough for me to come back to" and never think about it again.

How, then, do you get people playing your demo and being excited for the full game? This is my personal guide on how to make a compelling visual novel demo.

In case you've never heard of me, I'm Kat, also known as catsket. I have a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Game Design. I've been making games for nearly 5 years, and I've been doing visual novels more "professionally" for 2. You may know me for Art Without Blood, 10:16, God is in the Radio, or Fatal Focus. I'm here to help you make your first visual novel, or, perhaps, improve on what you've already made.

What is the purpose of a demo?

A demo is short or a demonstration. Your job is to demonstrate a portion of your game to players. In more "traditional" games, a demo typically takes place in a very tightly-constricted space that is meant to show off how the game feels. Maybe this is the first few levels of a platformer that showcases the general atmosphere and gameplay of the game.

We aren't making action and adventure games in explorable spaces. We are making visual novels. Most visual novel demos just showcase a small portion of the game, maybe the first few scenes.

What your demo should have is this:

A general vibe for your game. You're writing a psychological horror game. Give me a taste of that! Show me a bit of the gore, a bit of the horror.

A sense of urgency. A lot of demos I've played and discarded have been discarded because the game itself does not give me a motivation

An established plot. What is going to happen in the future? Why am I in this world?

In general, think of your game as the back cover of a book. That's where the hook that draws you in to read it. Just give me a proper taste of your game!

There are cases in traditional games where things are hidden from the player in demos (let's all remember MGS2) and where things are changed in from the demo to the final product. That's perfectly okay! You are not obligated to update your demo unless you find gamebreaking bugs and other issues. If things change from the demo to the final product, let your players be surprised and intrigued by these changes!

I can make this a list of do's and don'ts:

Before writing your demo...

Do: Outline, plan, and everything else.

Unless you're blessed by Mnemosyne herself, you need to outline where your story is going to go.

When starting a project, I write a 1-2 page document that has this information:

Name of the game

The target audience

The genre and moods

A paragraph summary of the game

1-2 sentences describing main characters and their roles

Write a short scene that captures the essence of the game

Write a basic outline. You don't need to fit everything in and outline it all, but give yourself an idea. A beginning, a middle, a climax, and an end. Some people just write the start and the finish, and then the middle gets all muddled and convoluted.

While writing your demo....

Do: Make it clear how the choices will impact the game

Visual novels are a medium where player choices affect the game. Make sure those choices actually matter. They don't all have to, of course. They might matter later in the game, but you should at least try to write an example of how a choice may matter.

For example, in Art Without Blood's new demo, certain choices mean you meet the characters in a different order and experience different sides of them.

Having a certain amount of a sanity stat will cause characters to give you some flavor text.

Here's a very simple idea: if you're running your game on a "love points" or other points system, you can make it so if player gets 10 points with love interest, get a different scene. It shows that your choices are impactful. Just let players have a taste of the consequences of their actions.

Don't: Character dump.

Many demos I have played were just character dumps. This means using the demo just to introduce to us the characters but not giving them room to truly show their personalities or their attachments to the problem.

For example, I played a game recently that had the player complaining about their living situation, showing us the characters in the same living complex, showed off the yandere, and then had the player deal with an annoying, evil boss. That sounds like lots of games, right? And that doesn't sound very fun, does it?

Do: Ground the player in the world

Try to immerse your player character in your world. I want to read like I'm part of it. What is our purpose? If we are a stranger, how can you immerse us in a world so far removed from ours?

Do it slowly, and do it with necessity. You don't necessarily want an exposition dump either.

Establish the world, establish the conflict, establish why they got into this conflict, and leave us off with a reason to come back.

Don't: Make your players have to visit other sites to get important information

Your ask blogs or other social medias should contain supplemental material that keeps players engaged, but it should not be a place where you should go "well, actually, in the demo, x y and z should have happened but it didn't."

Try not to spoil your game on your socials. What's the point of playing if I can just read it all on your blog?

I should learn about the plot and the characters from the game itself. I should not have to get a sense from your blog about a character because they were so dry in the demo.

Obviously, this isn't to say you need to include everything about a character in your demo. But we need to get a sense of personality. I shouldn't have to go to Tumblr to find that personality.

Do: Ask for help

Making a game on your own, especially for the first time, is scary. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to get people to help you out with parts you aren't so familiar with. It doesn't make you any less of a developer. A lot of people need some degree of help. There is nothing wrong with that.

Don't: Start your marketing until you know you can finish the demo

I've seen lots of demos that have been in the works for years. It can be disappointing for fans and demotivating for the developer to have an idea, tell the world, and then not see a demo for a long time. This is especially the case when money is involved, but it's still irresponsible to promise a product and never deliver it. Be honest about the status of projects and your life.

Do: Outline content warnings properly

It is up to the player to decide if they think they're capable and ready to play your game. Make sure to outline your content warnings. Cover the basics, and feel free to leave an extended warnings list in your game or on your game page for specifics.

Content warnings are usually things like blood/violence, profanity, sexual content, etc. Trigger warnings typically get into specific things, like suicide, dentists, or religious trauma. Think of content warnings like the ERSB.

Put a splash screen before the game starts that showcase the content warnings and a place to find trigger warnings.

Don't: Pull back punches with what your characters are capable of

It's fiction. It doesn't necessarily mean you support your characters being crazy stalkers. Know the audience you want to write for, and don't feel a need to cower. Let them be filthy. Let them get their hands deep into someone's chest cavity and rip a body apart.

What I'm trying to say is you really shouldn't tone down what you think your characters are capable of because you're afraid of making fans sad or upset because pookie isn't acting the way they thought pookie acted in their head. It's your character. You're commanding the story. You are choosing where it goes, not fans. Just because you have an audience doesn't mean you need to tone it down to be more palpable to others.

Once your demo is released...

Do: Keep a balance

Making games is very, very hard. And the world is very, very harsh. It is okay to let your fans know about delays or potential cancellations, such as through the devlogs on itch.io for your game, in your community spaces, or on your blog. Please be honest. If you do not think that, after a demo's release, you can continue on the project, make it clear that it has been cancelled or on hiatus.

People will be understanding. The world sucks, and it sucks the life out of us. People are more forgiving if you are honest with the status of your game, rather than leaving it in a perpetual limbo.

Don't: Think that the popularity of your demo constitutes how "good" your game is.

Your demo may not do well. That could be a number of factors. Maybe your marketing didn't hit where you think it should have. Maybe you posted it at the same time as another game. Not your fault. The full release may do better. Don't let the numbers be the reason you give up.

Do: Network!

Get to know fellow developers in the space so you can learn from one another and get more ideas for improving your own games.

Don't: Use developers.

Use a developer's resources. You should not be making friends with other devs if your desire is to try and become friends with big people. That's a parasocial relationship, buddy!

Do: Tell your fans the course of action

Do you have a development timeline set up? Writing multiple days? Give fans a general outline that you planned before writing your demo. It's okay to miss things as long as you're honest. But a timeline will help you hold accountability for yourself.

Don't: Charge for it.

I've seen at least 3 games take the "I'm going to charge for a demo" route in an effort to sway children from playing the game. This is going to sway everyone. Especially if players have not seen a complete + finished product from you, they will not be buying an unfinished game. There are other ways to hide your games from children, such as using itch.io's adult content filters and applying them to your projects.

Main takeaway: Be honest.

I say this a lot throughout this post, but it's because it pushes on a particular trend I see in beginner visual novel developers. There's this desire to create, but there is also the desire for fandom centered around what characters and world spawn from your creations. To maintain that fandom, you need to create. You need to be consistent. It may be harsh, but it's the reality.

Life is hard, and a large majority of us are NOT doing this for a living. Life will get in the way. It always has, it always will.

That's why it's good to practice integrity. Know yourself and your limits. Take steps back and be willing to be open + honest.

Fans won't be happy if you keep saying a game is delayed and show little to no work. Posting unrelated artwork and spending months answering Tumblr asks instead of making a game will eventually run you in the mud without anyone to enjoy what you have the potential to create.

Live up to your promises, and if you can't, be honest. Your community will support you as long as you're open.

[writing-with-rianneth]

Writblr Introduction

(My full avatar pic, made using @elequinoa's character maker)

Hello there! I'm kind of a new writer on Tumblr. I had a writblr account a few years ago before I deleted all my social media, but now I'm back with a new account! So, allow me to reintroduce myself and my writing:

My name is Rianneth (she/her) and I'm a writer from the South United States. I'm a college student in my early 20s currently studying English and Creative Writing. I plan to start a master's program in Library & Information Sciences next year and hopefully become a librarian someday, and the main thing I've always wanted is to be an author.

My biggest focus is on novel writing. I've written a couple novels before, and I want to one day publish the novel I'm currently working on. I also write short fiction, and occasionally dabble in poetry, though I prefer reading poetry to writing it. My favorite genres are fantasy, science fiction, gothic, and horror, and I love blending those genres to create my stories.

My main WIP is a character-driven adult gothic high fantasy novel. I'm in the early stages of worldbuilding and putting together a (very) rough draft. The magic system is built around knowledge and science in a world that's still scientifically in the medieval period. It has a queer romance, though I wouldn't quite consider it a romance novel. The story is very heavy, but not pointlessly so, and not without ample opportunity for the fun, happy, sweet, and beautiful to shine through. Keeping it vague for now as I develop my ideas more fully lol.

I don't completely know yet what I want to post on here, but I'd love to share more details about my WIP as I go. I may even post excerpts when I feel confident enough/when scenes are revised enough. But mostly I want to just get involved with the writing community again. I want to talk about writing progress, ideas, advice, or whatever else comes to mind.

I'm looking for people to follow and chat writing with, so absolutely feel free to reply/send me a message! I'm excited to be back!

[necromeowncy]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

I've been tagged by @pewterkat ! Thank you for tagging me! :D

How many works do you have on Ao3? Currently at 23! 22 for Final Fantasy XIV and 1 original work.

What's your total Ao3 word count? 182,581 at the moment! But I have thousands upon thousands more in WIPs that I should probably post at some point. lol

What fandoms do you write for? Mostly Final Fantasy XIV for the WoL x G'raha ship, but I'd love to publish some Karlach/Tav fics at some point for Baldur's Gate 3. (I have a high elf wizard that's in love with her.)

What are your top 5 fics by Kudos? 1. Heat - a heat fic. Pure smut. Very horny. 2. Delights - a collection of short kink fics. Also very horny. 3. Fantasies - a visual novel about sexual fantasies. 4. Here at Memory's End - the first wolgraha fic I've ever written. Slowburn love story from ARR to the end of Endwalker. 5. Reflections - A collection of shorter fics that fit in with Aedric & G'raha's story, as well as other MSQ characters. (Some of my best prose is in here, in my opinion!)

Do you reply to comments? I do! Sometimes it takes me several days/weeks/months, but I always try to. Sometimes social batteries are low and it takes me a bit, but I read and appreciate every single one, and go back and read comments all the time to feel loved.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? My Lightwarden AU, Unrequited. It's a bad end to Shadowbringers in which Aedric turns into a Lightwarden. It's angsty, but also supreme monsterfucker. I went full-blast monsterfucker on this one. Still a favorite to this day.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Hm. Most of them? lol. I am a romance/fluff/erotica writer. They all have happy endings.

Do you get hate on fics? Not really on fics themselves, but on social media. I just block though. *shrugs*

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Oh honey. Yes. (That's an understatement.) I seem to specialize in "soft nerds who are into BDSM/kink". I love soft service dom/sub who learns to let go and enjoy. I love the desperately horny. I love the enthusiastic consent. I love soul mates who fuck each other as if every breath, every touch, every movement of body against body is proof that they are here. That they are together. That they are loved and safe. One of my favorite fics I've ever written is Verdancy, an introduction of sorts of Aedric & G'raha's dom/sub BDSM journey. Though the most on-brand quintessential Aedric & G'raha smut is definitely Bibliophilia, in which the two nerds fuck in a library.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've ever written? I do not write crossovers, but I wouldn't be opposed to it! I'm not sure which crossover though lol

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not to my knowledge, but I'd be 100% okay with it if I'm asked first!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? In a way? I have a small WIP with my friend (he doesn't have an XIV Tumblr, but he's on AO3 as Indasha) in which our two WoLs and G'raha are bound together as the three Fates. So a bit of a poly ship. (Gee, Aedric, how come you get two catboys? lol) My friends and I had a vaguely Greek Gods AU. If people want, I can post snippets and screenshots from it? Just send me an ask if interested, I guess haha

What's your all-time favorite ship? Seeing as how this is my XIV/writing blog, it's very obviously WoL x G'raha Tia. 🥺 They mean so much to me.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I intend to finish every single of my WIPs, and I never consider them abandoned. Ever. Instead, I'll give a preview of what I'm currently working on, when I have time to write lately: - Vampire AU (we all know this lol) - A fic about shibari/bondage called Vermilion. G'raha ties Aedric up. G'raha POV. - His Inflorescence, part 2. I'm over halfway done.

What are your writing strengths? I think my strengths are showing moments of intimacy and vulnerability. People have told me I'm good at combining the horny with the soft, too.

What are your writing weaknesses? Writing scenes with more than two characters lol Also, dialog. I always feel like I'm horrible at it.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I speak French, but don't know where that would ever come up in my fics? (Maybe Ishgardian curse words lol)

First fandom you wrote for? Oh boy. When I was 17 years old, I wrote two fanfics for Axis Powers Hetalia. I liked Sweden/Finland. I'm no longer in that fandom, but they're still a very cute ship to me, even after 13 years.

Favorite fic you've ever written? While I love most of my fics, Hunger, my Vampire AU, is my favorite of all time for many reasons. It's the first fic in which I wrote an original plot that's not influenced by canon events at all. It's going to be the length of a novel, when finished, most likely. Once it's done, I may stick it back into the writing soup and let it simmer and see if an original novel comes out of it. Who knows.

If you read this far, consider yourself tagged! :D Especially if we are mutuals.

[animentality]

I have an excerpt from my newest urban fantasy novel, a John Wick meets Scott Pilgrim mashup, link here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BLMCCXDN?ref_=pe_3052080_276849420

It’s got: 

Enemies to lovers to enemies that fuck

Demon summoning assassins  

An improbable amount of LGBT assassins, while we're at it

Ridiculous fight scenes  

Gothic angst 

Full utilization of the URBAN in urban fantasy, cuz I love me a magic RPG, enchanted snipers, and cursed frag grenades. 

A romance told in reverse

Time bending magic and a cursed city on the brink of destruction.

This is the first in a series, but it can be read as a standalone too. 

Excerpt below the cover image: 

1. An Introduction to the Business: Professionalism in the Work Environment

It always starts here.

Cisco thought the assassin would be difficult to find.

He was not.

Something hard pressed between his shoulder blades. A hand came down on his shoulder, jostling him just a little.

Cisco tensed.

He hadn’t been in the bar for long. In fact, he’d pretty much just gotten in. The place was packed. At least, packed for a shitty, dingy little bar filled with beaten-up furniture, scratched up walls covered in graffiti, and the grimiest counter he’d ever seen. He’d arrived and wormed his way into a corner, wanting to remain inconspicuous, out of sight, as he waited for the assassin to show.

But as it turned out, he didn’t really need to wait.

“Nice jacket. I assume you’re the client who wanted to meet me?” the stranger behind him asked.

Cisco frowned. “What is that?”

It didn’t feel like a gun or a knife. It was too small and light.   

“Don’t worry about it. Just answer the question,” the stranger said.  

“Yes,” Cisco said shortly. “I have a proposition for you, Mr. Monterey.”

The assassin’s mystery object lifted off his back, but Cisco kept still just in case.

“Come with me. But don’t call me Monterey. It’s just Rey.”

Cisco flinched as he felt Rey’s hand gently moving from his shoulder to his arm, pulling him. He couldn’t see the man much, just flashes of his back as he dragged him through the crowd of unfriendly faces and tense bodies. But he could tell the man was spry, lanky, moving with the unbridled energy of someone much younger. Cisco could also see he was dark-skinned, probably Latino, in his early twenties, but with premature gray hair.

This whole thing was sketchy at best, and just foolish at worst, but Cisco had been desperate yesterday morning. He’d been all up and down the Laundry List, a secret online assassin bounty board that allowed assassins and clients to match up and strike deals. The only one that had caught his eye was this guy, whose full name, like all the others, was hidden until he sent him a private message. All Cisco had said was “Proposition.”

That instruction had been in their detailed rulebook, which he’d been forced to read, page by page, before making his temporary profile (to be scrubbed the second he logged off). In return, the assassin had responded just as the rulebook dictated: with an address, a time, and a special article of clothing to wear and identify himself.

And here he was. On the worst side of the city, meeting with a contract killer. And not even one with a particularly good rating or reputation. Within minutes of agreeing to a meeting, his profile, and his name, “Sebastián Monterey,” had vanished.

And there must be a reason his services were so cheap.

But Cisco swallowed his misgivings, because it was a little too late to worry about it now.

Rey kept pulling him through people until Cisco saw the flash of a red door. And realized they were headed towards a bathroom. 

“Move along, people! It’s not a rollercoaster!” Rey called.

Cisco stumbled through the bathroom door after him. But before he could look the other man in the eye, Rey was already turned around, slamming the door shut. 

The assassin seized a nearby waste bin.

“Uh, what-?” Cisco started.

Rey waved him off impatiently.

There was a bang like a shotgun going off. Cisco instinctively flinched, ducking down and covering his head, ears ringing. But there was no shotgun. Rey was now holding a wooden chair. He leaned it against the door, just under the door handle. Someone immediately banged against the wood, but the assassin merely laughed.

“I’ve claimed the Porcelain Isles, buddy! Lay waste to another kingdom!” Rey declared.

They cursed at him through the door, but Rey simply banged back cheerfully. Then, he finally turned and looked Cisco in the eye.

Blue eyes. Or perhaps green?

“Hazel, actually,” he said, winking.

Cisco, flustered, looked away from his eyes, begrudgingly noting to himself that he had a prettier face than any man, much less an assassin, had any right to have.

“So. Now that we’re alone… I’d like to hear this proposition. And it had better be business, because I warn you: I like older women with impeccable aim, and men who can beat me in a fist fight. You are most certainly neither,” Rey said.

Cisco stared at him.

Rey stared back, a small, shameless grin curling at the edge of his mouth.

“Uh…uh…business proposition, definitely,” Cisco stuttered.

Now that he was seeing Rey, face-to-face, Cisco was able to take in more details. He was wearing a simple black leather vest over a neon blue hoodie and ratty cargo pants, the ends tucked in old, frayed boots. His sleeves were rolled up, revealing tattoos, strange looking symbols all up and down his right arm. His left arm, by comparison, was not marked by tattoos, but red scars like lightning bolts. They branched out from his palm, curling around his wrist and forearm, ending in the crook of his elbow. He also had a small red backpack slung around his shoulders, almost comically small, like he was an oversized toddler on his way to kindergarten.

Rey leaned against the filthy sink counter, gesturing with his hand for Cisco to continue. Smiling at him indecipherably, too amicable to be trustworthy and too easygoing to be reassuring.

“Uh… I found your name. This morning. Yesterday morning, I mean. On the Laundry List,” Cisco squeezed out awkwardly.

“Yes. That’s why we’re here,” Rey said, smile deepening playfully. “And why did I stand out?”

His eyes were far too playful, too bright; Cisco tried to look away, but they were distracting. Like two pinpricks of light, glowing from depths never before seen. Beguiling and lively, in a world devoid of life.

 “You were…the cheapest.”

Rey laughed a little at that, a stifled sound, as though trying to contain a more honest one. Cisco looked down, heat in his ears. The floor of this bathroom was disgusting, covered in mold, with missing tiles and accumulated dirt.

“You know, beggars can’t be choosers. You don’t have a lot of money; I’m the worst assassin on the list, and I’ll do anything for twenty dollars… Not a bad match. So, continue. What’s the job, Wall Street?”

Wall Street?

Cisco grimaced.

He hated that nickname.

(Was it because of his suit?)

“I need you to kill someone,” he grumbled.  

Rey laughed a little more honestly at that. “Well. That was a given. Who?”

Cisco hesitated.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

After an uncomfortable, prolonged silence, with a lot of shifty-eyed staring, the assassin sighed. He pressed his hand against the door. And to Cisco’s astonishment, a bright blue circle burned beneath his fingers. It spiraled in dizzying loops from a center point beneath his hand, spreading out past the door and into the tiles of the bathroom wall like a blue wildfire. Yet, the door was completely unharmed.

“What does that do?” Cisco asked, backing away. He’d heard of demon summoning, but he’d never seen it.

“Silencing ward,” Rey said simply. “Nothing you say leaves this room. Except in my memories, of course. But we assassins have a code of confidence, so.”

The man stared at him.

What?

“If you’re worried about the other assassins outside, they can’t break this seal and hear us…unless they’re also demon summoners. But it’s fine. They have no reason to interfere. I have no official affiliation. I don’t do big stuff anymore. I’m just your small, local, struggling mom and pop assassin. And I don’t have all night for business propositions. Who do you want dead, and how important are they that you’re scared to say their name?”

Cisco swallowed, and said it before his nerves got the better of him:

“I want you to kill Daphne Oakland.”

There was an awkward silence.

Rey blinked, his face frozen in a congenial smile, disbelief just barely twinkling in his eyes.

“Daphne Oakland,” he murmured. “The Daphne Oakland? Not just someone who shares a name with… the richest woman in Larkhaven, seventh richest woman in the world, part-time supermodel, actress, and unbeknownst to the general public, the best Quick Summoner in the world?” 

“Yes. Wait, she’s a Summoner?” Cisco said.

“Of course, she’s a Summoner. There isn’t a single billionaire in this world who doesn’t summon demons on the side. How else do you get to be a billionaire?” Rey asked.

Cisco shrugged. “I wouldn’t know.”

“Well. She is,” Rey said matter-of-factly. “And the whole family relies on Summoning. The entire Oakland family, ruler of a financial empire that spans entire continents and can be traced back as far as the European Renaissance? That empire? And that family? And that heiress?”

Cisco, feeling just a little discouraged, shrugged. So maybe this was ridiculous after all…

What was he doing here, in this seedy bar, seeking out a small time nobody, an assassin with the lowest possible rating, whose name was obviously so disdained amongst the assassin community that he was almost instantly removed from their private listing? Even if Cisco could provide him the resources, and even if Rey really wanted to, he probably couldn’t get the job done…

He almost scoffed at the idea now.

A Craig’s List assassin, that was what Sebastián Monterey was.

How foolish Cisco had been, how desperate, and how badly he wanted to kill that woman…

 “Ok. I’ll do it.”

Cisco met Rey’s hazel eyes in disbelief.

“What?” he croaked.

“You know,” Rey said, throwing his hands up and shrugging. “I’m strapped for cash. They keep taking my name off the damn Laundry List. Can never get steady work. In this economy, especially in the assassin business, you just can’t be picky about steady work, you know? And rest assured…guy. This job is going to be a long-term one. Daphne Oakland isn’t an easy target. I’m going to need room and board, equipment expenses covered, free parking… Also, you’re new to this, so I don’t expect you to know, but for contracts like this, down payments are standard, and right now, I need twenty dollars-”

Rey and Cisco both jumped as the door exploded into a shower of wood slivers, the circle glowing bright blue just before it fizzled out.

“Oh my,” Rey said.

A man staggered inside the bathroom. He was tall, built like a linebacker, wearing a hockey jersey and brass knuckles on both fists. As Cisco fell back, Rey stalked forward.      

“Evening, Jim.”

“You!” the man snarled, reeking of booze, hair slovenly and greasy around his face. He slammed his hand against the wall for balance as he took sloppy, but aggressive steps forward. “They told me you were holed up in here. You got a lot of nerve, showing your ugly face at this bar.”

“If I was even half as ugly as you,” Rey said. “I wouldn’t show my face anywhere.”

The man seized his collar and dragged his face closer.

“Ok, Jim, we’ve gone over this,” Rey said. “Not my type.”

“You owe me money!” Jim shouted. “And you’re not leaving until I have either it or your head in a box.”

“Well, I don’t have any money,” Rey said. “And I don’t have a box. So, I’ll just have to get back to you.”

He gestured at Cisco to come forward. The man didn’t budge.

“Oh, come on…Jim’s gonna let us pass, right?” the younger assassin asked.

But Jim was doing the opposite. As Rey turned back to him, he gurgled, low in his throat, and spat promptly in his face.

Rey froze.

Cisco stared at his rigid back, at his ridiculous backpack and bright clothing, his unusual gray hair, and his lithe, but strong build. It suddenly occurred to him that he had no idea what was about to happen, but it couldn’t be good.

“Oh, Jim,” Rey said slowly, carefully. “You are too drunk for this.”

He smiled tightly, shoving the man back so hard, he slammed into the wall.

“Go home.”

But Jim, incensed now, charged at him. Matching symbols were carved into his brass knuckles, glowing brightly as their wearer swung. Rey knocked the blow off course into the wall, where it exploded immediately upon contact.

Cisco covered his eyes as rubble flew all around the room. When he opened them, the other man was swinging again, but Rey caught him, this time re-directing his hand into the plastic stall. No rubble this time, but the man was thrown off balance as it shook and wobbled rather than broke. Rey took the opportunity to uppercut him. He went down hard, sliding against the tiled floor.

“Are you still mad I hooked up with your nephew?” Rey asked, crouching down. “I told you.”

He seized the man by the shirt and flung him into the wall. His head cracked against the tiles.

“I didn’t make him gay, I just made him realize he was gay. You’re shooting the messenger. Or…the message…I don’t know.”

Jim snarled something, moving as though to get back on his feet. But before he could properly lurch up, Rey kicked him in the side of the head. Down he went again.

“You walk around like you’re immortal just because your whore mother was at the top of the List a decade ago,” Jim shouted. “But you have none of her talent or drive, unless you count how good she was at blowing guys in this very bathroom!”

Cisco thought Rey would be furious at such an insult, but he just laughed.

Then the assassin let out a high-pitched yelp of surprise as Jim suddenly raised one of his fists and slammed it into the ground. He was knocked off his feet as kinetic energy rippled across the floor in a wave. Jim lunged at Rey, grabbing him before he could fully fall. He threw him against the stall, smashing his head against the plastic. Rey fell back, dazed, and Jim finally got a proper hit, right in the face, with one of his brass knuckles.

Cisco, having been knocked down, scrambled to his feet, trying to see what was happening. And then, he dived out of the way as the dividers completely collapsed, doors unhinged and swinging, locks rattling free, screws and bolts littering the floor like loose change.

“Rey?!”

The sound of porcelain shattering.

Cisco raced over to what he hoped was the right stall. And he saw…

Rey, face bloody and mangled, nose broken, slamming Jim’s head into a toilet.

Over and over.

Until he stopped struggling and lay on the ground, limp. And the toilet, no longer stained yellow, but red, shattered into several pieces. Water bubbled merrily from the broken pipes, washing some of the blood off Jim’s face as he lay unconscious or dead on the floor of the women’s bathroom.

“Rey…holy shit, are you ok?” Cisco called. 

“Need my inhaler,” Rey murmured.

Inhaler?

Cisco watched, flummoxed, as Rey pulled his backpack off and began rummaging. Fumbling through it until he found…an inhaler. The small object he had pressed between his shoulder blades earlier! There was another bang like a gunshot. And the inhaler glowed the same blue from before.

Exploding, bursting, morphing into a…revolver.

(Had he been holding it like a gun to his back earlier? Cisco almost laughed at the mental image now.)  

“What are you doing?” Cisco asked.

Rey cocked the gun, aiming at Jim. “Just putting Jim out of commission for a little bit. He could use more time with his family.”

Cisco flinched as the assassin fired one round into his opponent’s foot. 

“If you’re going to kill him, just kill him!” he shouted.

Rey paused, looking at him with surprise. “Why would I do that?”

Another shotgun blast sound. And the revolver was an inhaler again.

Rey took a deep breath from it.

“You have asthma?” Cisco asked disbelievingly.

“No.”

He stuffed it back into his backpack. Cisco got out of the way as he stumbled towards the sink.   

“Anyway,” Rey said, blood dripping down his cheeks. “No 401k, but I will need medical.”

Cisco stared at him, then looked at the body on the floor.

“How do I know you can do the job?” he asked, a little more overwhelmed now. “What am I doing? This is crazy!”

He walked out, or at least, tried to. Instead, he slipped on the very wet floor. And would’ve eaten shit if Rey hadn’t grabbed him by the arm. In a fucked-up bathroom of a seedy Larkhaven bar on the worst side of town, the small-time CEO looked the small-time assassin in his bloody face.

Rey was smiling the same way he’d been smiling before the insanity had begun. Not even a slight change in expression. Unfazed by what had just happened. Other assassins were peering in, some with mild interest, others with disdain. After a few seconds, their faces disappeared, no one really caring enough to comment.

“You were already crazy walking into an assassin’s bar,” Rey said. “Might as well commit.”

He offered him his left hand. Cisco took it, feeling the scars under his palm, the soft ridges. Rey’s thumb rubbed gently against the back of his hand, sending electricity jolting through him, right into his heart, so it felt.

In that moment, something else called to him.

The sense that he needed to say yes, because this was the only way.

(This is the only deal worth making, Cisco.) 

“I’ll agree to everything. I’ll provide anything I can,” Cisco said. “But you kill Daphne Oakland for me, or…”

“Die trying,” Rey finished. “Works for me, Wall Street.”

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

After my "Persuasion" deep dive: How I'd adapt it to a visual medium

When I started my Persuasion listen- and read-along, back in August (First post in that series, here), my goal was to provide an alternate introduction to the novel other than the butchering job that Netflix gave us, this year. This was actually my third time reading the novel, but the first time I read it with an eye toward explaining why I loved it to other people, and so it was really the first time I read it in depth, instead of just letting it wash over me.

As I was reading, I couldn't help but play "Movie Director," and imagine what my own adaptation would be like. Most of all, I'd take my cues from Jane Austen's use of Free Indirect Discourse (where the author's voice slips from outside observation to the voice inside a specific character's head), to decide when to show a scene from different characters' points of view:

Especially these bits (contrasting with the these scenes as they were filmed in the two previous adaptations I've watched)*:

From Anne's P.O.V.: from the end of Chapter Three / beginning of Chapter Four. Start with a scene of her walking in the family gardens, fade to a "silent" flashback montage of her first romance with Captain Wentworth, through the moment of her retracting her acceptance of his proposal, so we can see what she saw when she first fell in love with the captain, and also she was when she was happy, and witness her sinking into depression and regret as time passed.

From Anne's P.O.V.: The surprise visit of Captain Wentworth from the middle of Chapter Seven -- after a very brief shot of Captain Wentworth's face (the length of a half-glance), and his automatic nod/bow, shift to Anne staring down at her hands/the carpet, and the voices of the others somewhat muffled by the sound of her own heartbeat, to capture the feeling of:

she heard his voice; he talked to Mary, said all that was right, said something to the Miss Musgroves, enough to mark an easy footing; the room seemed full, full of persons and voices, but a few minutes ended it.

From Captain Wentworth's P.O.V.: The scene at the end of Chapter Seven, where he's talking with his sister Sophie , about the kind of woman he wants to marry -- have him in speaking in voice-over, while showing a flashback of him with Anne Elliot (a reprieve of Anne's flashback, except from his point of view, to show how each of them is haunted by the same memory).

From Captain Wentworth's P.O.V.: the scene of the Country Dance at the Musgrove's party, at the end of Chapter Eight, where he's watching Anne play the piano, and asking if she never dances (have the camera move with him, but keep the focus on Anne).

From Captain Wentworth's P.O.V.: The scene in Chapter Nine, where he comes into the drawing room at Uppercross Hall, and being surprised by finding himself alone with Anne and little Charles on the Sofa, until the moment he goes and stands by the window, awkwardly.

Also from Chapter Nine, where Anne is trying to get nephew Walter to leave her alone, we only see the pair of hands lift toddler Walter off her neck, and then, from Anne's P.O.V., turn to see Captain Wentworth holding and chatting with Walter to entertain him.

From the end of Chapter Eighteen, as Admiral Croft is talking to Anne, and saying:

“Poor Frederick!” said he at last. “Now he must begin all over again with somebody else. I think we must get him to Bath. Sophy must write, and beg him to come to Bath. Here are pretty girls enough, I am sure. It would be of no use to go to Uppercross again, for that other Miss Musgrove, I find, is bespoke by her cousin, the young parson. Do not you think, Miss Elliot, we had better try to get him to Bath?”

Have this be spoken as voice-over, as we see Captain Wentworth enter a carriage, and then see that carriage on the streets of Bath.

From Captain Wentworth's P.O.V.: The scene in Chapter Nineteen, where he enters Molland's, along with the group of men and women acquaintances, and is surprised by the presence of Anne. And again, after Anne leaves with Mr. Elliot, have the camera stay at his spot, but focused on Anne leaving while the women in his group gossip about how Mr. Elliot is spending so much time at Camden Place.

From Captain Wentworth's P.O.V.: The Concert in Chapter Twenty, as Anne overhears her father and Lady Dalrymple discussing Captain Wentworth, establish his position in the room, and then, from that angle, focus on Anne sitting between Lady Russell and Mr. Elliot, while overhearing how Mr. Elliot is flattering Anne.

From a general/omniscient P.O.V.: The scene at the White Hart Inn, in Chapter Twenty-Two,** where everyone is visiting and chatting with the Musgroves, cut to Anne's P.O.V. from the moment Elizabeth personally hands Captain Wentworth her invitation, and she watches him stare at the card with a frown.

[Anyway, those are the key scenes I'd include to show the lasting bond between the two leads, so that the declaration of love in Chapter Twenty-Three doesn't seem to come out of nowhere, you know?]

*(The 2007 TV movie, created for the American TV series Masterpiece Theater, and the two-part 1995 adaptation made by the BBC, and later released to theaters as a feature film)

**This scene is in the 1995 adaptation, but greatly abridged, to cut out the unnamed (but gossiping) friends of Mrs. Musgrove, and also to cut out the moment when Sir Walter and Elizabeth sweep in to invite everyone to their evening card party.

[tainted-wine]

I didn’t apply all of these descriptions but these are the main three I had in mind while writing this. How did I attract so many fans of the crusty boi? Either way, welcome to the club!

Words: 1.5k (how the hell did that happen there’s barely any sex)

---------------------

The website didn’t explain what the “LOVER” cheat does. Probably unlocks a deleted path that didn’t make it into the official game. Or maybe he just gets a head-start on his Affection progress with you at the very beginning. Or maybe it doesn’t do shit – that could be why there’s no explanation.

Well, now that he knows how to do it, it wouldn’t hurt to test it himself. Shigaraki absently scratches at the irritated skin on his neck as he boots up the game. The directions were fairly simple and easy to remember.

1. Start a brand new file.

Ugh, he despises games that hold only one save file. It’s not like a visual novel holds up much space. What if you want different files in order to experiment with different choices? It doesn’t matter in his case anyway; he 100% completed the game months ago. With no regrets, his original game was deleted and a new one began.

> What is your name?

He might as well stick with the one he used last time.

‘SHIGGY-SENPAI’

The introduction cutscene began, the protagonist going on about the new town he just moved into. Pretty by-the-books, as far as romance openings go.

2. Finish the intro. Once you meet Y/N, go to the menu. 

After skipping through a bunch of fluffy dialogue, you finally appear in all of your cute glory. Once you’re done introducing yourself, Shigaraki brings up the main menu.

3. Type in “LOVER”

Just like that? Alright then...

Right after inputting the final letter, a sparkly ping sound straight out of a magical girl anime could be heard, and that was it. Okay...it sounds like he did it correctly.

When he returned to the game, his success was much more evident. You were staring directly at the screen - almost through the screen - with a glowing expression he’s never seen. Each and every one of your reactions have been seared into his brain after so many hours of gameplay. This was new.

“You...do you really mean that, SHIGGY-SENPAI?”

What? Voice acting? Though you did say his name pretty stiffly, as expected when a computer tries to pronounce custom text, but what the hell? Why would this be hidden as a cheat?

“But it’s so soon, and I’m not very experienced...” You blushed and shyly twiddled your fingers.

Oh.

“But I already trust you, and I want you too.”

Oh.

It’s that kind of path.

A hidden adult route. Shigaraki really likes that, even though this would’ve had a much stronger impact if it happened on his original file, the one where he was fully bonded to you. Sucks that he needs a fresh file in order to fuck you.

Shit, he’s not even prepared for this. Maybe he should go grab the lotion and a couple of tissues, assuming that this special scene will make for pretty decent fap material.

But the dialogue continued automatically. You creeped closer to the screen as you gushed about your feelings for him. “I want to make love to you forever and ever!”

You were getting really close, and with a show of impressive animation, your hand reached out to touch the fourth wall...

And the screen began to distort and ripple.

What the fuck?

“I just can’t wait to feel your amazing cock.” Your fingers began to phase through the fucking computer screenWHAT THE FUCK?!

“Take me, SHIGGY-SENPAI!”

Just like that, a full-sized bitch materialized out of the game and onto his lap, nearly toppling his gamer chair.

Even in the darkness of his room, your eyes shined brightly as they studied his pale face. “You’re even more handsome up close!”

Shigaraki was still too stunned to even respond to the rare compliment. Only when you began to pull down his pants did he finally find his voice again.

“Wha–ah–who the–hey!” He knows that he shouldn’t be afraid of a hottie touching his cock but ooooh shit she’s already stroking him.

“Ah, you’re so big!” You stared at his untouched manhood in awe, watching him become more erect after every pump of your soft hand.

“Fuck, am I?” He gasped.

“Mmhmm! And I bet you’re really tasty too!” You say before he’s suddenly engulfed with the very real warmth of a mouth.

Fuck fuck fuck he isn’t gonna last. He was ready to jerk off, not actually get his dick sucked. It feels more amazing than he ever imagined, your tongue working along his sensitive flesh, and those lips sucking at him so eagerly.

When his hand grabs the top of your head, he realizes too late that all five of his fingers are tangled in your hair.

You nearly fall over from how suddenly Shigaraki rolls back in his chair. You look shocked, confused, and...very much not a pile of dust.

“What’s wrong, SHIGGY-SENPAI?”

He looked at his hands, then at you, then at his hands again.

Then he takes hold of your face and shoves you back into his groin, because he can touch you, he can touch another fucking living thing without any worries about completely destroying it. Must be some crazy logic about you being data from a videogame or something. He doesn’t care, he’s so horny, feels so good having his cock so far down a hot tight throat, he just might burst...

Wait, he might have just done exactly that.

“Ah, shit,” he watches you pull back and swallow with the most satisfied grin.

“That was quick, SHIGGY-SENPAI!” You really need to stop saying his name like that. It’s fuckin’ weird. “I didn’t even get to feel you inside me.”

“Shut up,” the mixture of emotions he’s been experiencing ever since your ass crawled out of the screen like a girl in a cursed video is starting to piss him off. He’s so insulted and thankful that this fictional bitch gave him his first blowjob and made him nut in the span of sixty seconds. “Just give me a few minutes.” 

A few knocks on the room’s door startles both of you.

“Tomura, the Vanguard Action Squad is ready to move out.”

Shit!

“I’ll be out in a damn minute, Kurogiri.” Shigaraki moves to get out of his seat, only to be stopped by his new partner.

Your sparkly puppy eyes are so grossly cute, yet it has his dick twitching again already. “Are you leaving me already, SHIGGY-SENPAI?”

“Quit saying my name in all caps.”

“Okay, ˢʰᶦᵍᵍʸ⁻ˢᵉⁿᵖᵃᶦ.”

“Not like that. I can barely hear it.”

“How about SHIGGY-SENPAI?”

He slaps a hand over your mouth. “Just stop saying my name.”

A much harsher knock rocks the old door. “Hey, you ugly bastard,” That sounded like the Dabi asshole. “The hell are you doing in there? Jacking off to anime girls?”

Shigaraki scoffed. When’s the last time that burnt Stain fanboy got his dick sucked?

As much as he wants to join in on terrorizing the brats at U.A, he really wants to get laid today.

“Just go without me!” He yells through the walls. He nearly misses your muted squeak of joy.

“Eh?” Hearing Dabi’s annoyed muffled voice was pretty amusing. “You’re just gonna sit on your ass in your room while we do the work?”

The villain’s retort catches in his throat when you take his hand and begin to slowly lick at his fingers, all while pinning him with an innocent gaze.

“Your fingers are so pretty,” You whispered.

It’s so difficult to pay attention to the words being uttered outside of the room while his hands are being placed on your chest. BOOBS.

“Please trust Tomura. I’m sure he has faith in you all handling this mission on your own,” Kurogiri tries to explain. Shigaraki knows him well enough to know that he’s probably irritated as well, but there are titties in his hands so who gives a fuck.

Dabi releases an exasperated groan. “I knew this whole League of Villains thing was bullshit. Shouldn’t have bothered.”

Shigaraki slows his exploration of your breasts to shout, “If I make you the leader of the mission, will you shut up?”

“......Yes.”

“Well, I pronounce you leader of the Vanguard Action Squad. I’ll even give you a Nomu. Have fun.” The two of you are rushing to lift your shirt off for better access to your skin.

“Fuck yeah,” Dabi’s voice is still fairly close. The sooner he pisses off, the better. “I can probably pull this off better than you, anyway. Come on, psycho girl, we’re gonna go round up everyone else.”

Toga can be heard squealing excitedly as they both step away and finally give him his privacy back. You look absolutely lovestruck by the entire exchange.

“You gave up an important mission just for me? You really do love me!” 

He just rolled his eyes and lowered his head to take a hardened nipple into his mouth, enjoying your sounds of delight.

He can’t wait for the next time he faces those stupid heroes. He’ll be smarter, stronger, and can even tell them that he got his dick wet.

Oh, the collapse of hero society is going to be glorious.

[carriagelamp]

I saw my cousin over Thanksgiving and, being the giant nerd that she is, she dragged me back into manga hell, so that’s the majority of what this month was, reading-wise. Manga, manga, and a little more manga. Lots of queer stories which absolutely rock, I haven’t read anything sapphic in a while.

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

I continue to be neck-deep in Sherlock Holmes. Having finished the novels, I’ve returned to the short stories. And man. Doyle really did his best work in the short stories, I absolutely adore The Adventures.

For anyone who needs the Holmes canon explained, the first two stories in the series were A Study in Scarlet and The Sign of Four, both novels which introduced the main characters and set the scene. After that came The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, which is a collection of short stories, each one a different case Holmes undertook that Watson chronicles. 

This particular collection is full of some of my favourites… “The Speckled Band” (a long time personal favourite), “A Scandal in Bohemia” (Irene Adler’s introduction!), “The Red-Headed League”, “A Case of Identity”, “The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle”... I really do adore this collection; in my opinion, it’s one of the best starting places if you’ve never read any Sherlock Holmes before and want to give it a go.

Basil and the Lost Colony

I just found out the Disney’s The Great Mouse Detective is, in fact, based off a series of books! They’re about Basil of Baker Street, a little mouse detective who lives under Holmes and Watson’s floorboards and makes a study of the great detective, taking on his own, rodent-based cases. It’s two things I love: Sherlock Holmes and Tiny Rodent Society That Parallel Human Society. This one has them racing across Europe to scale a mountain and seek out a mysterious lost colony of mice while being hot pursued by the fiendish Professor Ratigan!

The movie was definitely more exciting than the book, though others in the series may be better. Still, it was a cute little read and it was fun to see where that movie spawned from.

Candy Color Paradox v5

A series that keeps me coming back for more. It’s one of the few examples of a yaoi series that actually feels like adults with adult jobs in an adult relationship and not... whatever the hell yaoi is usually doing. First book had to get its relentless horniness and tropes out of the way, but past that it settles into a much more interesting story. By this book, with the characters are now in a fairly established relationship and the story’s intrigue comes from them learning how to be more open and vulnerable with each other, finding healthy life balances, and excitement from their shared career. Rather than, you know, pointlessly trying to break up the relationship or throw in a third wheel or something. This series is actually pretty great for Open And Honest Communication which feels rare in a manga romcom.

Chasing After Aoi Koshiba v1-2

...See, I know I enjoyed this book. I read the first two books, it was a very cute yuri and I’m looking forward to reading more of it, but for the life of me I can’t remember a single damn thing about it anymore. That’s what comes of bingeing manga one after the other after the other I guess… (also it kind of got overshadowed by the next series on my list, whoops). Uhh… well, if you want a lesbian romance manga, it was definitely a sweet one! It’s worth trying! Even if I am drawing a blank...

Failed Princesses v1-4

This series rocks. You know that “not like other girls” meme, but instead they’re girlfriends and are dating? This is that meme, but an entire manga series about it. It is delightful. Quiet Awkward Nerdy Girl ends up comforting Pretty Popular Girl after she gets dumped by her boyfriend, and through a string of events they end up hanging out and becoming friends… and now four books in I’m in the middle of some delicious slowburn agony. It’s just very much about friendship and growth and trying new things and actually communicating rather than just making assumptions and it’s positively wonderful. I’ve got my brother hooked on it too, and he’s not normally that interested in romance genre manga. (Actually, neither am I, and yet here I am.)

Heartstopper v3

I read book 1…. I don’t know, years ago, before you could even easily buy it in North America. I remember needing to order it from the UK because I was intrigued and wanted to get my hands on it. And now there’s piles of them in the local bookstore! It’s amazing to see, I couldn’t be happier! So I finally got around to picking up book 3, years later.

Another cute school romance, this one taking place at a British grammar school. It’s between Charlie, who was outed last year and is still dealing with the fallout of it, and Nick, a sweet rugby player who ends up befriending him. It’s fun to read, because you see the growth of both the characters and the artist as the series progresses, and it has a really charming, sketchy style that I haven’t really seen anywhere else.

House of Five Leaves v1

Bought on a whim, weird as hell. A very meek, though capable, ronin who is desperate for work ends up being gradually drawn into a criminal organization that kidnaps hostages for ransom money. He struggles with the morality of the work and how much he’s willing to be involved, while the leader of the group has completely set his sights on the ronin and is determined to draw him deeper and deeper in. Despite how grim that sounds, the first book definitely has the promising whisper of found family somewhere deeper in the series? Maybe? I have no idea how it will progress but it was definitely an interesting story… though the art was a bit.... much. The eyes. The eyes….

Kageki Shojo!! The Curtain Rises

Cute! Cute cute cute! As I understand The Curtain Rises is maybe... a prequel to the main series? I’m a little uncertain, but it came to me highly recommended and damn if it wasn’t justified. It shows how all the characters come to be at a prestigious all-girls theatre school and start settling into the intense, demanding life there. The main characters all feel intriguing, with distinct personalities, motivations, flaws… It balances between silly, sweet, and heavy really well, and I’m super excited to continue. Plus very very pretty art and the inherent queerness of theatre, though I’m struggling to find anything that actually confirms or denies if this is yes absolutely going to be a queer romance or not. For the time being, this book felt intensely pre-relationship queer, and my cousin was treating it as such, so until I’ve heard otherwise I will be keeping it under my queerlit tag.

Land of the Lustrous

Now, this manga also came to me on high recommendations and…. eugh. I don’t know, maybe the anime is better, but the manga was incoherent at best. I had no idea what was going on through most of it, the characters were almost impossible to tell apart or keep track of, and I have no goddamn idea what the overarching plot was supposed to be. The main character was uninteresting, the characters she interacted with felt lifeless and flat… I dunno. I don’t get it.

The concept itself seemed unique. A race of sentient gemstones, all female, are forced to constantly defend themselves against a strange, unexplained race of beings who… live on the moon? And want to destroy them? To? Make decorations? Or something? The main character would like to fight, but she’s been deemed to fragile, so instead she’s sent to be a… scholar? Record aspects of the natural world? And she… meets people? I guess?

Don’t fucking bother there is so many manga that are more worth reading. Hell, just go watch Steven Universe if you want to see female gems kicking ass, it’d be significantly more interesting than whatever this was.

Love: The Mastiff

I love this artist’s work <3 His Love: series is a really fascinating one. Each one focuses on a single animal, with absolutely no text, just following a day in their life as they need to struggle for basic survival. In this one, the mastiff’s master is killed, and he’s left to survive on his own in the Australian outback. Every one of these books is absolutely stunning work, and Love: The Mastiff is one of the best in the series I think. It honestly made me a little emotional.

Perfect World

A neat shojo romance about a woman who runs into her old school crush again for the first time in years and rekindles their friendship. However during the years, he had received a spinal cord injury and is now in a wheelchair. I’m able-bodied and not a good judge of how well this manga handles the topic of disability, but to me at least it seems to be making an earnest and interesting effort to explore what disability can really mean for someone and how it can affect relationships and romance. The first book comes across as sweet, honest, but not pulling any punches from acknowledging the messier, harder aspects of living with disability.

Mustang Mountain: Sky Horse

Horse girl book! Meg is invited to join her standoffish “friend” Alison, who is being sent to stay with her cousin on a remote ranch in the Rocky Mountains. Meg is thrilled to get to spend time around horses, but Alison and her cousin Becky are both disinterested and exasperated by this arrangement. And while things start off rocky, it only gets more complicated when their trip up to the ranch is interrupted with a car crash and a life-threatening storm up in the remote mountains…

I didn’t enjoy this book as much as I liked the first two books in her other series, Saddle Island, but it was still a fun, fast, easy read and sometimes I just need to relive the childhood euphoria of horse adventures and independence.

[talesfromvalaan]

Update 06.25.21

Hi everyone! First off, I have some very exciting news: I accidentally stumbled on an old handwritten outline for Entropy, so I was finally able to finish re-outlining everything this week! (In case you missed it, I lost every single file I had for Entropy a while back so I'm having to start fresh)

Now that I feel like I can finally make progress again, I'm going to try and get back to weekly updates each Wednesday to keep you all updated. For today, I want to go over some of the changes you can expect from the new demo:

A vastly changed prologue. While the majority of the plot will be staying the same, the Acolyte's introduction to the plot will be very different. I never really liked the temple introduction anyway, but the new prologue is actually based on a scene I had to cut way back when Entropy was a novel focused on Ryna.

More streamlined character creation. Rather than the "choose your class" version in the old prologue, the current version is less rpg and more IF. The choices will come up naturally during conversation and exposition, and you can shape your Acolyte throughout the prologue. All the choices are still there, just a bit more subtle in some cases

A codex right from the start!

A different writing style. This may be off-putting for some, especially if you liked the old demo, but honestly: I hate writing in first person. It just doesn't work for me. The new demo is in second person and is flowing much more easily for me and works so much better for my writing style. Have a sneak peek:

Possibly: changes to companions/romance. The romance options aren't changing, don't worry, but I'd like to make some additions to how the romances go. No details until it's set in stone, but I'm playing around with options that would make it easier to have an explicitly ace and/or aro Acolyte.

I'll be visiting family next week, so there likely won't be a full update but I will try to post another little sneak peek before I leave Tuesday. As always, the ask box is open!

[sonia7atm]

BRIDGERTON BOOK SERIES REVIEW.

So here it is, before I start I just wanted to say that I’m in no way shape or form an expert in english or literature for that matter. English is my third language and I’m studying science. Having said that, I have read all eight books in less than two weeks and I have a lot of opinions that I wanted to share so here they are. Obviously: SPOILERS AHEAD

The series in its entirety

The bridgerton series is probably the best written series that I have ever read. I loved the fact that it is made up of 8 books, but also the way the books are structured. In each of the books we focus on one of the siblings and their significant others, and even when the side characters are there, they are not really a main focus of the story. This means you can pick up a random Bridgerton book without having read the other ones and you would not feel like you are missing something. I really liked this because it meant that with each book you were getting to know a different sibling, thus you are never really bored and there wasn’t unnecessary drama happening with the already established couples, which is refreshing at the least.

However, it does have setbacks. In some of the books, you find that this side characters really change from the way they appear in the background or the other novels, and it can be difficult to digest at first. Another flaw that I found is with the brothers' books. When I was reading some of the books dedicated to the men of the family sometimes I found that we don’t spend enough time with them and when you finish the books you don’t have an understanding of who they are. Maybe I’m not making sense but I’ll elaborate in each book a little bit more.

But in the end, even these little flaws, I had a great time reading the books and finding out what was happening with the family.

My favourite book - AOFAG

I know some people have trouble ranking the Bridgerton books, especially, the favourite one, but I’m not one of them. I am obsessed with “An offer from a gentleman”, I love the story, I love Sophie, I love Benedith and I love Violet Bridgerton with all of my heart. This book is great from the start, even though b, the third book you know a happy ending is what the book is leading to, it still excites you and makes you wonder. AMAZING DARE I SAY.

Sophie is one of my favourite characters in all of the books. She has a strong morals system and you get really inspired by her. All of the things she goes through are horrible, but she still remains such a calm and kind individual that I cannot help but stan. HARD. She has very strong ideas and morals and she sticks with them even when they mean losing Benedict. I found this message really important and powerful because we usually see the opposite: people changing their views for their significant other, and I don’t think it's right. So, hereby I declare Sophie QUEEN of the Bridgerton clan.

Moving on to Benedict, I heard a little bit of criticism with his actions in this book and I see where they are coming from, but I don’t share them. I think Benedict is one of the brothers that suffers from a really deep female counterpart and as such his thoughts are not fully explored. In my opinion Benedict is tormented by the fact that he is the second Bridgerton and nothing more (similar to Colin and kinda Gregory really), and also by the fact that he lost the woman at the ball. On top of that, Sophie comes along and he starts falling for her and he feels guilty that he is falling for someone else, so he doesn’t fully commit to Sophie but also doesn’t really leave her. It’s a messed up situation and he doesn’t make the best decisions but I understand his actions and I support him. The only thing that really annoyed me about Benedict is that he doesn’t recognize Sophie at all. I wanted to hit him, hard, in the head, with a fucking piano.

Now the best of the best: Violet Bridgerton. She was the surprise character of this book in that prison scene. In the previous book you still see her and like her but she saves the day in this one, and I felt like I really knew her after that. She is not the typical ton mother, she really values their children’s happiness and takes everyone under her wing. She knows who she is and the importance her family has and she uses her powers for good. I gained so much respect for her. A surprise character and a great one.

To sum it up, Benedict and Sophie are perfect to each other, like this mellow entity. Two kind souls, always happy, always calm. Of course they live in the countryside, they could not live anywhere else.

Top tier books - WHWW, RMB, TVWL

WHEN HE WAS WICKED

This book wrecked me, I have to admit I was a mess, I could not deal. A tragic story with so much longing and guilt and despair, I love a drama, man this is great. I went in knowing the basics of it but I was not prepared.

The poor Francesca has the most devastating story in my opinion: she suffers from infertility, her husband dies, she doesn’t feel like she fits in her family, and when she falls in love Michael is sick, WHY?!. Throughout the book you get to see how strong she is, how strong-willed she is. We are not talking about this enough. She loves with all her heart and she suffers with all of it too. She and Michel have a really strong chemistry and it translates really well. I think she was really clever to wait and think before committing to Michael, and I see how she would need to see him in danger to really let herself fall completely. In the end, she knows what losing someone you love feels like and she doesn’t want to feel that again. I understand. Also, an important part of Francesca's journey is to realize that loving someone else doesn’t diminish her feelings for John, and I love how Michael acknowledges it. 

Michael is a really interesting character who falls in love at first sight with the wrong woman. He is fully aware of this fact and it is really good to see that he doesn’t doubt his love for her, but is instead aware of the impossibility of doing something about it. Even when he can do something about it, his respect for his cousin is always present. The guilt he feels for loving Francesca both when John was alive and after he died is so different but so well written. It’s eating him up and It is painful to read to be honest. However, I found that said guilt disappeared rather quickly after his conversation with Colin. I may be the only one but I was a little bit put off by it, and that’s why this is not my favourite book in the series.

THE VISCOUNT WHO LOVED ME 

The bees, I could talk about the bees for days after reading this one. This one has a lot of Bridgerton backstory, and it explains so much of the rest of the bunch even if not directly. So I would say not to skip it (but why would you skip any of them?).

Kate Sheffield is one of the best written characters in this series. She is complex, fierce but delicate, confident but self-conscious. I would kill for her, she deserves it. Her family dynamics are impeccable. You feel the love between these three women and the roles they have, and you get them really quickly: Edwina is the little sister, a little naive but good-hearted, Kate is the fierce older sister and Mary is the compassionate step-mother. I really enjoyed their dynamics. The introduction of Kate’s character is by presenting her goal for the season: defend her sister. When Anthony enters the pool of suitors, she obviously opposes and their back and forth shows she is very witty. But as the story goes on we get to see her insecurities and fears, in a way that it’s so in character but at the same time so different from the start. It’s amazing and I can see why she is such a fan favourite.

Anthony is a baby.We can see how Edmund’s death really scarred him, and those wounds are deep. He believes in his own demise so blindly that it is conditioning all of his decisions.He grows a lot until he is able to share them with Kate and they bond so beautifully over it. Getting to see that, was something that I loved and enjoyed so much. It makes you really connect with both of the characters and it explains so much of his behaviour, that even if he frustrates you, you can’t be mad because you understand where he comes from.

Newton is the guest star in this one and I would like to take our time to appreciate the captain of the Kanthony ship. This little dog is such a plot device, put there to cause havoc and bring Kate and Anthony together, it is so funny. He smelled Anthony and decided he wanted a new dad. Put a plan in march, probably alerted his friend, THE bee.

ROMANCING MR BRIDGERTON

The message of this book is amazing. The journey they both go through to re-know each other is beautiful. Penelope and Colin have known each other for years, and they both have a version of the other in their minds but as the story progresses they unveil hidden personality traits about each others and I love how it is acknowledge and developed into a clear message of “people are flawed and not the perfect individual you wish them to be, and that’s ok”. It is really necessary and it made me reflect on my own relationships and how I could improve them. Colin and Penelope have to be my favourite couple of the series, but, because they were because of the show and not the books, when I finished this book I was left feeling like I wanted more, and that is why it is not my favourite one.

This is the book where readers find out Penelope is Lady Whiseldown and it is a big plot line. However, this revelation is maybe halfway through the book and until then, Penelope's inner monologue doesn’t reveal anything. I would have loved to really focus on it and know from the start how she really did it but at the same time, we get to see so much of Pen’s growth anyways. She is shy and kind but when she is with someone she trusts (in this case Colin and Lady Danbury), she is full of wit and boldness. I see myself so much in these characteristics that I cannot help but make her my favourite character in the series (totally biased but it is what it is). She starts with a sense of discontent about her, she knows her fate and accepts it but, she doesn’t necessarily like it. She is trying to change the way people see her and Lady Danbury helps a lot with it. She and Colin spend a lot of the book kind of on opposite sides in part because of their own demons, she wants to prove herself and at the same time is faced with the realization that the Colin she made up in her mind is not the real one. It really makes you wonder if it’s a happy ending at the end of it, because they both have such strong points but they are so diverse. At the end, after they talk about it, their relationship is full of devotion and you feel how they are making each other focused and better. I would die for them.

Colin is such a tumultuous character and it is a stark contrast on how we get to see him in the previous and following books. He is used to putting the charm on and fooling everybody but, of course, in this book we explore his inner workings and now we know the truth. He is just a lost puppy, looking for something to do with his life, and he is so focused on this search and runnin away for his family that he doesn’t see that there is already something that he is good about: writing. His relationship with Pen is obviously key in all of this searching because it pushes his limits and makes him think. His realization, of both his vocation and his love are slow and steady. He sometimes jumps to conclusions and rushes things *ahem*the proposal*cough* but not love, and once he commits he does it fully. The “stay, stay, stay” scene is a monumental hallmark in the book. We see Colin really deciding and choosing Penelope and Lady Whistle down with all that it entails. And later on, he opens out about his jealousy over her work, but he does it when he is ready, and Pen allows him to come to her when he needs without judgement. They are so perfect it hurts. 

The lack of Eloise is an insult to my soul but we get Lady Danbury as the guest star. She is on Penelope's corner helping her navigate the ton and her relationship with Colin, as a mother figure would. I believe she at least has a big suspicion that she is LW, but I might be wrong.

All-nighter books - OTWTTW, IIHK. ON THE WAY TO THE WEDDING

Gregory’s book is full of twists and turns that you just cannot put it down. Not the fact that the main female character is Lucy and not Hermoine, like Gregory thinks half of the book, just because you don’t. It is pretty clear that Lucy is our heroine so the fact that Gregory falls for her is not a twist itself because we (and Kate) already know. But in my opinion, the fact that it starts with Gregory interrupting the wedding and then it goes back and explains the backstory to you, so it is constantly leading up to it. 

Lucy is not the most interesting of the female leads but it is part of her charm. She is a normal girl, her life is already arranged, so she doesn’t feel the pressure the rest of them do, she is just enjoying herself. She doesn’t believe in love, and it is so funny how in denial she is about it, until it all explodes. 

Gregory’s life was influenced by her brothers before him and his big family but he feels so alone because of the age difference. He is trying to find his place in life and, because he saw all of his siblings fall in love he wants the same thing so badly, that he confuses desire with love. He is so precious, and must be protected at all costs.

The last few chapters are action packed, there’s an urgency in everyone's actions: Lucy, trying to save her family and Gregory, trying to save Lucy. I couldn’t figure out what was going to happen and that hooked me. The fact that the wedding actually takes place is the most shocking plot of all of the books.  

To conclude, Gregory owns my heart and I trust him with it.

IT’S IN HIS KISS

This story is another “all-nighter”, because it revolves around a mystery and the search for Gareth’s grandmother lost jewels. This quest brings Hyacinth and Gareth together, with a lot of Lady Danbury’s help. It’s really interesting to read about the felonies they commit, all of them instigated by Hyacinth, who, in my opinion, is chaos personified. 

Hyacinth is the most forward-thinking woman of this series. She is outspoken, confident, loud and apologetic. All of these traits really set her apart, because she doesn’t play by the rules of society, she does what she pleases, and she should. She is the typical little sister, a little spoiled but with a good heart. Her conversations with Violet are really touching. 

Gareth on the other side, is not in a good place with his family, and it is endearing to see how shocked he is by the Bridgerton’s closeness. He has a severe lack of self love, and sees himself as an imposter, and not worthy of Hyacinth. But when he falls, OMG, HE FALLS. His attitude towards Hyacinth’s personality is amazing because he loves her exactly as she is, and knows he will be following her orders for the rest of his life. Adorable. (He is the “That’s my wife” meme).

Lady Danbury is again the guest star and it only helps to cement her as the cool grandma that we all aspire to be. An honorable mention is Anthony getting super-duper happy that all of his sisters are married and therefore he is free (my poor guy).

However, the main issue I have with this book is that the decision of getting married is really attached to Gareth’s need to vex his father, who is a horrible person, and it makes me mad. 

Not my favourite books - TSPWL, TDAI

TO SIR PHILIP WITH LOVE

In this book Eloise decides running off to meet a possible husband is a great idea. Her brain, I can’t. Obviously the Bridgerton brothers follow her and force the two to marry anyways, although they were already falling in love when they found her. Phillip, Eloise's love interest is a loner and lives outside of the ton and I think that these traits really work with her because they are polar opposites but at the same time they fit so well. The relationship Eloise has with Amanda and Oliver is so cute, because you can see that these kids just need some attention and help navigating the world without her mother and Eloise is there for them.

However, even though I loved their storyline and I wanted to rank this higher I couldn’t. The other Bridgertons are a big part of this book and when I was thinking back on it the parts that I remember fondly the most are when Anthony, Benedict, Colin and Gregory arrive to kill talk to Philip, and then when Charles is ill and we get to see Benedict and Sophie as parents. So, I like this book because of side characters and not the main ones, even though I know there is nothing wrong with them. However, I do think the book is ok and I would recommend it nevertheless.

THE DUQUE AND I

I don’t have much to say about this book. The r*pe is completely unnecessary in my opinion. Daphne and Simon have terrible communication skills, but so do Kate and Anthony, for example, but still, the repercussions are not that severe. It is so much worse in the books and it has no consequences whatsoever. Up until that point, the enemies to secret dating to falling in love is such a classic thorpe that I usually like, but I cannot separate the two of them. In fact, I would advise to skip this one.

Hapily Ever After

Thank you to the heavens for this book. It is just a little exploration of all of the sibling’s future and an extra story for Violete.

Daphne’s story revolves around her last pregnancy. A surprise one when she is quite old. I found it really sweet and it looks like she and Simon are really happy with their life so good for them. Also, Colin and Penelope visit with all of their children so I’m obligated to like it.

The TVWLM continuation is a get together in Aubrey Hall for a Pall Mall rematch. I had so much fun reading it and getting to see all of the Bridgertons interact in a “relaxed” manner.

Sophie and Benedict’s story focuses on Posy and her search for a husband. She is lovely and I do want her happiness but getting to see Sophie and Benedict interact while actually together was a treat. I feel very blessed to see them be the balls of sunshine they both are.

Then we get to see how Eloise found out Lady Whisheldow’s identity. It was fun, and we get to see Pen and Eloise being friends, which we don’t get enough of in their respectives books. Colin and Penelope leaving the wedding early, was a gem. They are a couple of horny idiots and I love to see it. After that, we focus on Eloise again and we get to see a little bit more about Amanda and Oliver.

One of the main things about Francesca in her book is the fact that she wants a baby, and it is never resolved. In this one, we get to see how Francesca and Michael become parents and it's another heartbreaking one. We get to see how worried Violet is for her and also how Michael and Francesca talk and understand each other. They are one of the best relationships on this series, I said what I said.

In IIHK the diamonds are never found, but we find them here. It is great to know they were not missing and also a relief to know that Gareth was able to rescue the family even without them. The fact that Isabella actually finds them and proceeds to say nothing is hilarious. But when Hyacinth finds them the happiness she feels is so wholesome.

Then we get to see Gregory and Lucy’s twins be born (their 8th and 9th children). It is not an easy task and for a moment I was afraid for Lucy but it all works out in the end. It was filled with great moments but the one that I like the most is when Gregory says that Katherine gave him purpose in life, because he was meant to be a dad. I cried ngl.

And lastly, we meet Edmund. He is very present throughout the book but I was not expecting to grow so attached to him with this little story. It is divided in different stages of Violet’s life and obviously we get to see her romance with Edmund. I loved the little details, his behaviour reminded me of Gregory but he eats a lot like Colin so it is great to see where they get their traits from. The later parts, after he dies, show you how much importance Violet puts on remembering him and preserving his memory. They were truly soulmates, and it is such a shame that their time together was cut short.

[itsthenovelteafactor]

Vanya and the Phantom

I asked and y’all answered (special thanks to @schizoidwire and @the-aro-ace-arrow-ace  and all the people who responded to my earlier post for encouraging me!), so it is time for how The Phantom of the Opera song introduction can be read as a look into Vanya’s self-narrative and also foreshadows future events in a really subtle and interesting way. 

I’m channeling my inner Elliot and going into full conspiracy mode. This is gonna be a long one, y’all. 

Part One: In Which I Expose Myself as a Former Theater Kid

So, for those who aren’t familiar with The Phantom of the Opera, it was originally a novel by French writer Gaston Leroux back in 1909. In 1986, Andrew Lloyd Webber rewrote it as a musical. For purposes of my analysis here, I am just going to be discussing the musical because 1) the score used in the opening scene is from it and 2) I’ve never read the book. (If anyone out there has read the book and wants to weigh in, please do!) 

It’s a very aesthetic show, and draws on a lot of gothic themes and imagery. The plot follows an opera house, and specifically a young chorus girl named Christine Daaé. I’m not going to explain the whole show plot in detail because wikipedia exists, but I will do a quick overview here and point out some things as they relate to things I’ll be discussing later. Also there will be a test after and it will NOT be multiple choice.

The show begins when the opera house is sold to new owners who 1) just want to make money and 2) do not respect the opera house’s resident ghost (who isn’t really a ghost, but we’ll get to that later.) When the Phantom makes his presence known, and freaks out the resident prima donna singer (who will be relevant later) Carlotta, who says she won’t sing under these conditions. It is then that Christine appears. She’s quiet and humble and has always lived in the background, but is incredibly talented. The woman who runs the chorus (also owner of the opera house’s resident braincell) suggests Christine sing the part. She does, and is amazing. Everyone is blown away, and she’s catapulted into instant fame and success. 

We later learn that Christine has been studying under the Phantom, who appears to her in mirrors. She calls him the Angel of Music, and thinks that he was sent to teach her by her recently deceased father. He isn’t. He’s actually pretty malicious, and is obsessed with Christine, wants to control her voice, and doesn’t like her dating anyone. Which is a bit awkward when her childhood friend shows up and promptly falls in love with her. 

Anyways, Carlotta is jealous of the attention Christine has been getting and threatens to leave prompting the new owners to cut Christine from the program. The Phantom doesn’t like it at all, sends a bunch of letters, things escalate, people are murdered, and the whole first act ends with the chandelier falling from the ceiling and crashing onto the stage (which is done with really cool effects, oftentimes beginning the show hanging over the audience. It’s a BIG MOMENT and one of the most iconic ones from the show. This will also be relevant later.)

Act two takes place a few months later, wherein no one has seen the Phantom. Shock of all shocks, though, he’s not dead. He’s been writing an opera and he wants Christine to star in it. More stuff happens, you learn the backstory of the Phantom (which is pretty sad, ngl, but in no way makes him less of a creep) and the story ends with the Phantom kidnapping Christine and giving her an ultimatum: stay with him forever, or he kills Raoul (aka childhood friend/romantic interest guy). She agrees to stay with him and he’s so moved by her compassion that he lets them both go and disappears forever. 

Part Two: Casting the Characters

That’s interesting, Rosie (note sarcasm) but you said this was about The Umbrella Academy? I did, in fact. So, we meet Vanya when she’s playing a medley of songs from The Phantom of the Opera. Since it’s primarily the melodies and not one of the orchestral pieces from her performance later (I don’t think), we can assume she’s just playing it for herself (which is nice! good on you, Vanya). 

Maybe she’s never seen the play and just likes the score, but for purposes here, let’s assume she’s familiar with it. 

You can tell a lot about a person by the stories they connect with (for example, I like TUA because I like fun sibling dynamics, found family, music, and being sad). And I think that it makes sense that The Phantom of the Opera would be a story that resonates with Vanya. The overlooked chorus girl finds power in music, and, after years in the background, is finally given a chance to show how special she is. 

So, yeah. I don’t think it’s outside the realm of possibility that Vanya sees herself as Christine. There are some discrepancies, sure, but this is Vanya’s self-narrative, which we learn pretty much immediately is unreliable. (Love her, but it’s true.) And if Vanya is Christine, then we can try and tap into her perspective to look at some other characters. 

Anyways remember Carlotta (the prima donna opera singer who always got the spotlight and tried to destroy everything good that happened to Christine because she felt threatened that someone might be as good/better than her whose entire personality and role in the story I just summarized, rendering my plot recap useless)? Carlotta is how Vanya views Allison. (Kind of all her siblings, but her relationship with Allison is the most important here.)

Think about the scene in the cabin? 

“You couldn’t risk me threatening your place in the house! You couldn’t handle the fact that Dad might find me special!” - Vanya, having a mental breakdown.

This always struck me as an interesting accusation to throw, since prior to this moment, I don’t think there was any indication that Allison had ever felt threatened by Vanya. She excluded her, sure, and wasn’t super friendly at times, but the idea that Allison has been pulling strings to keep Vanya out of her spotlight is new. But that is exactly the role Carlotta plays in Phantom. 

Fun fact! At one point in the musical, the Phantom enchants Carlotta so that she loses her voice right before coming on stage. 

Part Three: The Phantom of the Opera is there

So based on everything I’ve said so far, the most straightforward reading is then, that Leonard Peabody/Harold Jenkins (who for purposes here I’ll call Leonard) is the stand in for the Phantom, which works... really well. Both in helping to understand Vanya and also because it foreshadows the twist of season one in a really cool way.

So, the Phantom appears to Christine first not as an enemy, but as a friend and teacher, who encourages her to be more confident in her abilities. He trains her to develop her singing ability. While the teacher-student dynamic is actually inverted initially with Vanya and Leonard, from the get go, he is showering her with compliments, encouraging her to be confident in her abilities, and, at least on the surface, supporting her in a way she hasn’t been supported before (he’s a trash human but an expert manipulator). 

But, in the play, the Phantom is also very possessive over Christine and her power (er, I mean voice). He also is perfectly willing to kill and/or hurt people who he views as standing in the way of Christine and her success (see the aforementioned Carlotta incident). Which is exactly what Leonard does to Vanya. He kills the first chair violinist to help her get it, and orchestrates a whole master plan to get her to reveal her powers on his terms. 

Even the part where he starts “training” her to use her powers kind of resembles the second act of the play. The Phantom wrote a play for Christine and she’s going to star in it, whether she wants to or not. 

(One could even make the argument of the parallels between Christine believing the Phantom was sent by her father to teach her and Leonard showing up because of his revenge scheme against Vanya’s father, but I honestly don’t have much support for that.) 

Part Three: Two Conflicting Narratives

So, as you might’ve noticed, I sort of have two different threads of analysis going on right now. 1) The Phantom of the Opera parallel is part of Vanya’s self-narrative and in it she mischaracterizes Allison, making her more suspicious of her motivations and 2) Leonard Peabody is clearly the Phantom and doesn’t bother being subtle about it. I hope that I’ve been convincing (or at least intriguing) for you to get to this point, because here is where they come together.

Vanya has this parallel going, but she doesn’t see Leonard as the Phantom. In the beginning at least, he’s her Raoul. If I had to guess, I’d say Reginald Hargreeves is the Phantom in Vanya’s self-narrative (says he’ll train her but wants to manipulate her and keep her locked away for himself, strict teacher who doesn’t really care about her well being, wearing a mask to appear more normal/human... she wouldn’t exactly be wrong). Leonard, on the other hand, is Vanya’s supporter. He validates her, and believes in her, and taker her side when Carlotta and the opera house owners (er, the rest of the Hargreeves children) gang up on her and conspire to keep her out. 

This is all building to, of course, the final confrontation. The Phantom says Christine has to pick one or the other. When Allison comes to talk to Vanya, Vanya feels as if she’s been given an ultimatum and lashes out.

And that’s where everything (including this parallel) starts to crumble. 

(I honestly don’t know a lot about the other characters and how they fit in. I suppose we could have Five = Raoul if we ignore romance plot and focus on the childhood friend that hasn’t been seen in a while angle? And maybe also Pogo = Madame Giry. Vanya doesn’t really have any friends to be Meg.) 

Part Four: It’s All About the Moon

So that is kind of the gist of The Phantom of the Opera as a window into Vanya’s self-narrative theory, but there are a couple of other loosely related ideas I thought I might as well bring up since this thing is already ridiculously long. 

Remember how I mentioned the chandelier is like, THE scene from The Phantom of the Opera back in part one, and said it’d be relevant later? Bringing that back now, because I’m going to pull a Luther and connect everything to the moon. 

So, to get the obvious out of the way, the moon exploding and the chandelier coming crashing to the stage are similar because something falls, breaks into a bunch of pieces, destroys a bunch of stuff, and creates a powerful and memorable image to close off before an act/season break (the next installment of which begins with a time jump). 

Additionally, it’s worth mentioning that The Phantom of the Opera is told out of order. The opening scene shows a grown up Raoul at an auction for the items left behind after the opera house closes, and it switches to the past as the remains of the chandelier rise upwards to the ceiling, Phantom’s theme swelling (it’s a really cool moment, tbh). Following the prologue of The Umbrella Academy, we switch to the present with two images: Vanya alone on the stage, and then Luther alone on the moon. Which has a kind of symmetry that might mean nothing, but is still kind of cool. 

(Also the item that Raoul buys from the auction is a music box with a monkey crashing symbols on top of it. Which might mean nothing.) 

Part Five: How is she STILL talking about this? (AKA Conclusion)

To be honest, this is more a very tangled “things I noticed and thought were interesting” discussion than a formal essay with any clear thesis. While there is a chance that this was all coincidental and I’ve gone full Pepe Sylvia, the music selection in The Umbrella Academy is one of the things that they seem to be really deliberate about. 

I would love to chat with anyone about this theory, so feel free to reach out in the notes or message me! My inbox is always open. Much love, and thank you for reading, if you got this far! ❤️

[life-rewritten]

SPOOKY SEASON! An ode to Mo Dao Zu Shi: one of the best BL story created!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!! One last Halloween post and it's about one of my favourite pieces of media in the world of BL, romance, and supernatural stories. Roll your eyes because once again I'm talking about Mo Dao Zu Shi (The grandmaster of demonic cultivation) I mean already with the demons, and cultivation is already hinting why this is Halloween themed, and trust me MDZ has much more than that: from zombies to ghosts, to magical instruments and weapons, and we love our fantasy cultivation sects and clans. Anyhoo, I am here to write a fun post another verdict/review on each of the adaptations available so far for MDZ, yeh you heard me I've listened, read and watched all versions of this masterpiece, and I'm here to tell you to go and do the same for Halloween. Also in case, you haven't heard MTX (the author of MDZ) has another show on its way TODAY! And that's the magnificent, the excellent and incredible Heaven's Official Blessing after marathoning MDZ do that too. 

As always with my verdicts: we have ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these again? 

Country: China Genre: Danmei, Supernatural, Action, Fantasy, Romance, Comedy, BL, Horror,

1.The Book

We begin with the one that started it all. The reason for my devotion and love for this world, for Wei Wuxian and Lan Wang Ji. My heart hasn't stopped loving this book experience. And at first, it wasn't easy to understand all the logic and terms needed to know for this world of cultivation and sects and clans, and magical skills. But once I got the hang of it (maybe after reading it three times I wonder how I had time to do this by the way), this is a book that I keep on returning to, crying to, and just breaking down into a mess too. This book is the most original source for the love story of Wangxian and to be honest its a masterpiece. Now onto the pros and cons, I guess about this adaptation.

Pro: 

First, I would say that this is the most non censored version of MDZ, meaning China couldn't mute the romance or delete scenes because it's the original written story. The romance between Wangxian stands out and makes your heart go through a lot of emotions, from frustration at Wei  Wuxian not realising how he feels for Wang Ji, to pain because of Wang Ji's perceived unrequited feelings for so long, to happiness when they're just together, to confusion at some drunk scenes and then to all-out shock as the story reveals its self to the villains, the background of Weiying's death and more. 

The introduction to all these characters, all of them have a role in the story, all of them are important to keep an eye on, and they all grow and develop throughout the story as we find out more about their circumstances and their own perspective on Wei Wuxian.

Cons but not actual cons

The book is longggggg. The first time I read it I wondered when we would finally get a resolution or hint that Wei Wuxian finally understands what he's been feeling for sooo long, but it took forever and to be honest even though this is a con to me, it also is a positive for those who love slowwwww burns, and slow reveal to the background and development of Wangxians feelings for each other. There are many missions although essential to the world-building and the actual plot/mystery that at first seem so useless and not needed, but they are there for a purpose, and they do help us find out more clues about what's been going on and why Wei Wuxian was brought back from the dead. 

The book is the most non censored version of MDZ, and so there are many questionable moments/questions about Non-consent that occur during moments when Wangxian are drunk. Honestly, these scenes are so weird to me, because they hold so much truth and revelations to Wangji's feelings for Weiying. After all, he's drunk and the most authentic version of himself. There are so many moments (like stealing chickens or showing him the bunnies) that make you just want to cry at his love Weiying and the pain he had to endure when he thought he was never coming back. Still, at the same time, there are many moments where you're like oh wow that escalated, and you feel just a tad discomfort at the idea of the non-con. But like I said these scenes are required for these two to really like give into what they've both been trying to push away or ignore, and it's nice to see how Weiying reacts to his feelings becoming uncontrollable and more prominent. 

There are some moments in the book where things seem vague or unexplained (which the other sources did their own thing with), some characters who are mentioned but not really given enough detail, some plot details where it's not fully understood. However, I do think that because the book is already so long, the most critical information needed was there and the reveal of the mysteries were all done well. I think though that it's better to see how it materialises visually hence the other media adaptations. 

Ratings: 4/5 -It's not easy to pick up the book and read, but I have so much fun returning to it and laughing along with Wei Wuxian's thoughts and ideas about Wang Ji.

2.The Manhua

I was so shook when I found out MDZ has a manhua. Mostly because China wouldn't really make it easy for the book adaptation to be honestly portrayed visually. But the manga shocked me, it is censored, but the writers and the artists are all so obsessed with this book and this couple that despite having to remove or edit some scenes, they draw some additional scenes and post it online so that international fans can still get to see these moments visually. That is incredible, and I'm so grateful that we have a team of people who respect and love the piece as much as the fans do. 

Pros: 

With any graphic novel/manga the art of MDZ is fantastic to see, the characters are brought to life with colour and also the inclusion of chibi drawings to make a moment incredibly cute or funny. Weiying is very naughty, so a chibi drawing of him makes us see him like how he's acting a child. I enjoy the manhua of MDZ so much, and I love how they drew each of the characters and the world. 

Cons but not really cons: 

I think, however, there are better visual sources for MDZ available that is more detailed in terms of characters and includes more information about the world-building. The plot also has to be condensed as well because you can't draw everything from the book. The manhua is also still in the works so, its a very slow upload and it will take years for it to be completed. But this is understandable, and I can't wait to read the full completed copy. If you hate reading and can't stand words, I think the manhua version is for you!

Ratings: 3.5/5 -It’s the waiting that lowered the ratings for me and the fact that I prefer other sources but I’m so grateful for the manhua. 

3.The Show

The one that brought international fans like swarms to this story. Untamed shocked all of us in the BL community as the first time we heard about it, sure it was nice to see that Yibo was cast as Wang Ji, but even then his acting wasn't that profound or praised so we didn't care, and Zhan also seemed like an interesting choice for out Weiying. I think there were an outrage and confusion when we heard this was going to be censored and a bromance. It felt like it made no sense because there's no way really to edit the relationship and love of Wangxian, so people went into the show resentful and worried. But after 20 episodes, the anger, worry and upset were erased. Untamed is a masterpiece, and it blows my mind how censored it is but still not really censored? It deletes the questionable moments in the book but adds the essential parts even where we get to see Wang Ji's feelings (Though obviously not mentioned as feelings but respect). We get to watch Weiying realise how much he cherishes whatever he has with Wang Ji and how much he misunderstood the latter, and how much Wang Ji cared for him. The show as Netflix says is not about just friends. Still, it emphasises the connection between these two using subtext clues and symbolisms, and visual metaphors to make sure the audience knows that these two are soulmates and are meant for each other. Here are the other pros and cons of the show:

Pros:

The acting is incredible, like so good and I can't think of two people who were more suited for Wangxian, Yibo shocked me as Wang Ji because although I knew him (because of Kpop), I didn't really think he would pull of stoic but still vulnerable Wang Ji. He was good at showing the emotions of love and longing that has been connected with Wang Ji. Zhan was an excellent Wuxian, he made me smile, he made laugh, he made me so happy because of his mischievous aura, but he also played serious and emotional and resentful Wuxian well as well. I keep crying every time I see the death scene in the show because it's just so done well.The directors and producers who didn't care about hiding the relationship between these two, they still wanted to be respectful to the writer and the source, and they still wanted to show as much as possible that these two loved each other. For that, I'm so grateful and they did a brilliant job with what they could. The character arcs and development and depth; Its the way they took the other characters from the book and fleshed them out giving each of them more depth, more understanding, more dimensionality and more story connecting to our plot, and it broke my heart how much I loved everyone in this show. The actors all performed so well, and some gave me goosebumps at how well they portrayed their characters  (Xue Yang!!) like stunning and just a great cast.The storyline was also written in an innovative way, the flashbacks were first shown to the audience, how Wangxian became Wangxian and so the audience felt every single hurt and pain that Wang Ji was feeling. We understood why he acted the way he did. The flashbacks also provided plot structure to the mystery and the actual plot of the show, it left clues, and we watched the villains become villains (secretly), we saw how some characters grew. Each of the arcs in the book was told in a way that it flowed together and made sense. Due to this way of structuring the plot the show became so much more profound in the way it messed with our emotions, every death mattered, and every character had their own story and importance to the audience. 

Cons:

The censorship. I've praised how they overcame it, but it's still there, the ending of the show was done this way because of censorship and to be honest I still think everyone should read the book because there are moments where the romance of Wangxian is fun and memorable to see (the confession scene whilst it was done okay in the show because of censorship it doesn't hold as much oomph as it did in the book. Mainly because the events that happened before it was already so filled with angst and drama and the results of the confession Wangxian clinging onto each other despite being in danger is a must-see, the censorship is annoying because it shouldn't be there, it's something that whilst it did help with some stuff, it still feels like an insult to the piece, and it still doesn't sit well with me that China censors their BL. So its a con.

Ratings 5/5  I think I could spend so much time breaking down why Untamed is a masterpiece BL show, but all I can say is despite 50 episodes (longgg) it is worth the time and effort and if you watch BL, go see it. 

4.The Audio

The audio for the MDZ is like my favourite thing in the world. I love Chinese audiobook dramas; it's an incredible experience to listen to. With MDZ, this is what the show would be if it wasn't censored. The actors for the audio drama are amazing, and I love them so much. The audio drama is three seasons with some extra scenes and it's incredible if you don't want to read the book, then just watch and listen to the audio drama because its the same story but its brought to life by the acting and storytelling. Also though there are some scenes removed, I think the audio drama is the next uncensored gem of MDZ that shows Wangxian's romance the best way possible. I squeal, and I laugh, and again I cry at every single moment; their first kiss, the inn scene, the confession (i spend time pausing it just to cry at how good it is) and more. I just love it, and I prefer it to reading the book. Other pros and cons:

Pros:

 The story is structured and told properly, follows all the arcs and events in the book and brings them life by voice acting, and the music is incredible. It's nice to listen to and hear Weiying's thoughts and to also listen to an audible version of the book. The audio drama has all the pros from the book as well.

Cons: 

Nothing much to say about the cons. It is not easy to attain the audio drama in English subs, its hard to download and store it, but once you overcome that it's great. I think the audio drama is the most difficult to obtain.

Ratings: My favourite adaptation  5/5

5.The Donghua

Lastly, we have the Donghua or the anime version of MDZ.  What can I say about this, its brilliant, masterpiece, it's gorgeous. If you think the art for the manhua is good, the donghua takes it to a different level. The visuals are stunning, the animation is breath-taking, and the story is again following Untamed ways of censoring the story but making sure it doesn't remove the romantic connotations and symbolism to Wangxian. The donghua also follows Untameds way of starting with flashbacks to explain what happened to Weiying before it started. I have nothing else to say about how great this is. It's the same thing I've been saying about all these adaptations. The donghua though is the best visual masterpiece for MDZ, in my opinion. 

Pros; 

Packed full with symbolism and clues to the plot, it's detailed so well for the storyline and its an excellent way to tell this story. The music and ost for the donghua are also beautiful and gets me emotional each time I hear it.

Cons: 

Censorship. That's it, that's what it always is. For me, I think the donghua is the most censored version of MDZ? Or maybe I just feel that way despite the subtext clues; I do feel irritated at the censorship in the donghua.  Let's pray Heaven's official blessing overcomes that.

Ratings: 3.8/5 - I love it so much because of the visuals but apart from that I prefer other sources for MDZ. Still the best donghua that exists. 

So here you have in an in-depth and messy conversation about one of my favourite media pieces to existing right now in BL. I think I will never stop singing praises at MXT for creating this story and I think there's nothing else I rather do than just spend times when I need a distraction watching, listening or reading this story again and again. What about you all.  What do you feel about MDZ? What pros and cons do you have for each adaptation? Which is your favourite. And have you been able to get any rest when we know that Heaven's official blessing is out TODAY!! Let me know your thoughts. Happy Halloween, Enjoy it.

[cagestark]

Introduction to Ink//4

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four

don’t even pretend like i edited this lmao

-

It’s three in the morning when Toni feels confident enough to slip out from between the soft cotton sheets of one of Natasha’s guest bedrooms. It has been forty-five minutes since she heard the last stirring coming from the room beside her’s—Sam is apparently a bit of an insomniac. The cool air of the room on her bare legs has her shivering along with the thrill of anxious-excitement in her stomach. She isn’t doing anything wrong by sneaking out of her own room and into Bucky’s, but having it all take place in the dead of night with everyone asleep certainly makes her feel illicit. 

She takes a long moment to assess herself in the mirror above the dresser. Her hair has just begun to dry from the shower she took. When she presses some of the damp tendrils to her nose, all she can smell is acacia instead of smoke. The nightgown she’s wearing is hardly that, just one of Rhodey’s old shirts that falls past the crease where her thigh meets her ass. Beneath it are the only clean panties she had packed, sensible cotton ones. Nothing like the scraps of lace and silk that she’s seen in Natasha’s drawers and laundry hamper, but she doesn’t think Bucky will mind. And if he does mind? Then he’ll just have to peel them off of her. 

Reaching down, she softly traces her fingers over the cotton crotch of the underwear, noting the damp heat. Ever since Bucky had shed his pale t-shirt under the warm glow of the fairy lights, Toni had been wet. When she finished stomping her way through the woods after Wanda’s interruption, she’d had to disappear off to the bathroom to wipe away her own slick before it could drip down her thighs. Sitting there on the closed porcelain toilet seat, two fingers pressed flat against her clit, she’d been tempted to finish herself off. 

To use the two fingers Bucky had sucked clean (God, she could still see his face burned behind her eyelids, the way his stormy eyes had rolled back like he was licking ambrosia off of her instead of cum). 

But Toni didn’t like to do anything in halves. She would cum with Bucky tonight, or not at all. 

Creeping on silent, bare feet over to the door, she twists the doorknob and pulls the door inward. The hinges don’t squeak, nor does the floor as she slips out of the guestroom, careful to close the door behind herself less anyone pass in the night and see she isn’t there. When Natasha had directed them all to bedrooms, she had told Bucky to take his ‘usual room’, the one at the end of the hallway. That’s where Toni creeps, past Sam, past Clint. She holds her breath as she takes the cool doorknob in her palm.

Is he asleep already? She wonders. It would be thrilling to slip between the sheets with him, to wake him with her body pressed against his hard one. Maybe he’s awake like her, though, trying to convince himself to slip his way into her room. Toni only opens the door as wide as she needs to get inside. Then, she stares at the bed, eyes widening because—

Bucky isn’t there. 

Dread coils in her stomach. Had he left? He hadn’t been drunk like the others. What if he had decided to avoid any more interaction with Toni altogether, to slip out of the house and off into the night like some womanizing vagabond from her mother’s romance novels? He had gotten his, after all. Isn’t that all men ever want? Maybe with the blood back in his brain instead of his cock, he realized that he was out of Toni’s league.

Toni shuts Bucky’s door and nearly returns to her own room. But then she remembers the way he had wandered off outside, how he had seemed like he needed to put distance between himself and the others. With expectations low, she pads silently to the stairs, feeling her way down them carefully in the dark. 

She isn’t disappointed. 

There he is, seated in one armchair, his head leaned back and one tattooed arm thrown over his eyes. An afghan that had been draped over the back of the couch is in a heap on the floor. Either Bucky is an insomniac like Sam or there is something keeping him from sleeping. 

Toni must make some noise on the stairs because Bucky’s arm jerks away from over his eyes and he is staring at her with wide, bloodshot eyes. At the sight of her, he makes a noise in the back of his throat and returns to covering his eyes. 

“Shouldn’t you be in your room?” he asks. His voice is low but not a whisper, and Toni can’t help the way her heart jumps into her throat, turning to glance back up the stairs as if expecting one of the others to come bursting from their room to inspect the noise. When no one comes, she takes a steadying breath and takes the last few steps down the stairs. Sightless in the armchair, Bucky adds: “That sounds like the wrong direction for your room.” 

“I’m not going to my room,” Toni says, matching the low pitch of his voice. 

Sighing, Bucky sits up. He has shed his shirt again for comfort while he attempts to sleep. His skin looks carved from marble in the moonlight, the pale expanse only interrupted by the ink that divides him up and decorates him. His jeans have ridden low, belt off and left by his shirt, and it gives Toni a few more precious inches of the tattoos that rest at either hipbone: bold, encircled stars. 

“If you were smart, you would,” says Bucky, his eyes glued to her legs. 

“If I were smart? I solved the Kepler Conjecture when I was six.” 

Bucky winces, seeming to understand his insulting words. “I mean, I know you’re smart. Doctorate in engineering—goddamn you’re smart. But there’s more to being smart than numbers.” 

All his talk, but he isn’t working to get away from her. He doesn’t lift a finger to stop her while she takes slow, purposeful steps towards him until she’s standing inches from him, their knees nearly touching, bare skin to denim. Still, he stares at her legs, at her tanned thighs. She wonders what would happen if—

Letting her arms raise in a stretch, the shirt rides up and up. Bucky’s eyes open wider and wider until he’s staring at her white cotton panties with a stricken expression, the shadow of her well-trimmed pubic hair just barely visible. His throat bobs with a painful swallow as her arms fall back to their neutral position. Toni feels infused with power, drunk with it. While she didn’t doubt the existence of feminine sexuality (she lives with Nat, doesn’t she?), Toni had never considered her own ability to wield it. The way Bucky looks at her makes her slick between her legs, makes her head feel light.

Makes her bold. 

“Do you not want to have sex?” she asks. “Because I want to have sex.” 

“It’s not about what I want,” he rasps. “It’s about what’s right. You don’t know what you’re getting into, and it’d be wrong of me to take advantage of that while you’re drunk.” 

Toni places her palm in the center of his chest over his pounding heart and pressing him firmly back into his seat. She plants one knee beside him, wedged between the chair and his thigh, and then climbs fully onto his lap. His breath comes full and slow, like he’s counting them. The rasp of his jeans against her sensitive inner thighs has her clit aching. 

“First of all,” she says. “I’m not some sort of child; I’m a virgin. There’s a difference, believe it or not. I don’t know what I’m getting into? Unless you have a second cock which I somehow missed, I know exactly what I’m getting into. Or rather what I’d like to get into me. Second, I had two beers, and one shot before I followed you. That was five hours ago. If you’re scared and trying to come up with an excuse to keep from fucking me, you’ll need to think harder than that. The only thing wrong about this situation is that I haven’t cum yet. So let’s talk about solutions.” 

After her monologue, she is left panting, their faces so close that their breaths mingle. 

Bucky reaches out and cups one of her jaws, pulling her face down towards his own. Her eyes flutter shut on instinct, preparing for a kiss (their first, she thinks with a giddiness that is downright embarrassing), but instead he holds her face there inches from his own. When her eyes open, she narrows in on the furrow of his brows and the frown of his mouth. Beneath her, there is a growing bulge in his jeans that makes her thighs clench around his own. 

His eyes rake across her face with an intensity she could never hope to match. 

“You really are sober,” he murmurs. His thumb traces the line of her chin with tenderness.

“You know what else I am?” Toni asks. With a trembling hand, she reaches down between her legs. The shirt has ridden up dangerously high on her thighs and her wrist pulls it up the rest of the way while she cups her sex over her underwear. “I’m wet.” 

In an instant, Bucky grabs her hand and drags it to his face, breathing in like he’s smelling her (thank God she has showered, she thinks breathlessly, even though he had done more than smell her—he had fucking tasted her just hours ago out in the woods). The groan he lets out has her heart skipping. 

“If you want me, I’m yours,” he says, nuzzling against her palm. “Can’t say no to you. Don’t want to say no to you, ever.” 

His consent overwhelms her. She lowers herself the last few inches until her cunt is pressed flush against his jean-clad erection, and God it feels so good. Reaching out to steady herself with his shoulders, she lets her body lead the way, back arching on instinct so that she can grind against his hardness. Bucky’s hands ghost up her thighs before taking her hips in his broad hands, encouraging her to make long, hard strokes. Her body sags forward as she buries her face in his neck, breaths shaking. 

Already, she feels the heat inside her building. 

“I—I could cum like this,” she admits into the junction between his shoulder and neck. “Should I stop?” 

Bucky groans. His fingers tighten their grip on her. “The hell should you stop for? Show me, honey. Show me how you can cum like this.” 

“Bucky,” she gasps, body shivering at his words. 

Using his feet on the floor as leverage, he drives his hips upwards. If his jeans and her underwear weren’t in the way, they would be fucking. But even this is good, so good, so much better than her fingers. Even better is his voice in her ear muttering the filthiest things: “There you go. Chase yours, honey. Your body knows what to do, doesn’t it? Come on, Toni, tilt your hips, oh yes, there you go. That’s right against your clit, isn’t it? That feel good?” 

The coil inside her winds tighter and tighter, throat constricting until she feels like she can hardly breathe much less answer his questions. His hands slide from her hips back towards her ass, fingers slipping beneath the fabric until he’s digging his fingers into the flesh where the curve of her ass becomes the curve of her vulva, pulling her apart until the lips of her sex spread and her clit has to take the brunt of the thrusts. 

The coil snaps. For a moment her entire body goes still, frozen in time. Then the pressurized ball of pleasure that’s been condensing bursts, all her muscles stiffening and unstiffening as if she’s in the throes of a seizure. Bucky whispers the dirtiest encouragement to her, his hands drifting back to her hips to help smooth her jerky, desperate thrusts. She hardly recognizes the sounds that pour from her mouth and feels helpless to stop them as the sweetest pleasure floods from her pelvis outward, washing over her in waves that she feels helpless against. 

“—so good, Jesus, Toni, the noises you make drive me insane. Come on, lean back, show me your face—” 

And she can’t imagine what he could want to see her face for, but she does as he asks anyway, tipping herself back into a seated position so that he can look at her. She’s too busy looking at him to wonder what he might be seeing, to think that her expression might be mimicked on his face, the glossy heated eyes, the flush that’s trailing down his inked collar bones. 

Suddenly she is overcome with the need to feel that inked skin with her mouth, to trace it with her tongue, to rub her lips against the smooth skin until they are raw and swollen. Still overcome with twitching aftershocks, it feels good to keep rubbing against his cock so she does, the simplicity of chasing feel-good sensations overwhelming her higher functioning. Parting her mouth, she places a wet kiss to the honeycomb on his throat. Above her, he makes a tortured sound, trailing his hands gently from her thighs over her flank and up the arch of her back. 

His skin is warm and clean, tasting faintly of the scent of whatever masculine body wash Nat keeps stocked in the guest bathrooms. A helpless noise slips past her lips as she lets her mouth drift up to the wasp just beneath his ear to suck. 

“God,” he rasps, voice buzzing the skin beneath her mouth. “You gonna mark me up? Suck harder, honey, I can take it. I’m gonna be covered in you before the night’s through, in more ways than one.” 

Harder? she thinks. A tendril of righteous fury unwinds in her belly—he kept her waiting for so long, wielded his morals like a shield against her obvious affection. And while there is a sensible part of her that sees these are good things, a part of her that is even glad he did those things, she feels overcome with the need for pleasurable vengeance. She opens her mouth wider and bites him, sinking her teeth into skin, body thrumming when he jerks and groans. 

The sounds of him, his smell, his flesh against her tongue stokes the fire that had just been smothered, igniting coals inside of her. 

“Can I have your cock now?” she asks. “I feel—empty.” 

Bucky’s head tips back until it rests against the headrest of the armchair. His face catches the moonlight, and Toni can just barely see the blooming mark on his throat outlined by the crescents of her teeth. 

Then he is shaking his head. “Not yet,” he says. “Need to get you naked, first. Here, get up—” 

Toni stands coltish in front of him. His eyes scan her from head to toe, stopping where her nipples are visible through the thin shirt. He reaches out and fists a hand in the fabric and tugs her forward until he is nuzzling against her sternum. Then he gathers the excess and tugs it tight across the modest swell of her breasts. Suddenly she is hyper-aware of how her breasts ache, nipples tight desperate points. Then he leans forward and takes one clothed tip into his mouth, sucking at her through the cotton. 

She slaps a hand over her mouth to keep from crying out and waking the house. His other fingers toy with the neglected peak, strumming the pad of his thumb over it. It feels like there is a direct connection between her nipples and her clit and that when he teases one, it teases the other. 

When he pulls his mouth away, the cotton of her shirt is damp and see-through. She shivers as it cools, leaving goosebumps on her skin—but then he is switching to the other breast and he lights her on fire all over again. 

“Bucky,” she whines. 

He parts his mouth from her reluctantly, lapping at the cotton one last time. His hands skim down the curve of her hips until his palms reach the hem of her shirt. Pale eyes flash burning hot when he glances up in question. Toni barely manages to keep from rolling her eyes; instead, she reaches down for the hem and in one simple motion strips it from her body. 

Bucky groans. Beneath the shirt, she is naked except for her soaked panties. Toni has no illusions of her physical appearance: she is average at best. But Bucky still looks at her like he wants to eat her whole, one of his hands reaching down to rub at his erection. Emboldened, she reaches down and slides the panties off too, lets them pool at her ankles before stepping out of them delicately. 

“Lookit you,” Bucky murmurs. 

“I hope you’ll do more than look.” 

When he stands from the armchair, he towers over her, but any intimidation she felt for him was left in the woods outside, was shed from her the moment he shed his shirt just to let a naive young woman sate her curiosity in his body. His hands ghost over her form, giving her phantom tingles. He turns his hand over and lets the back of his fingers brush against the dark curls between her legs. 

“Spread them,” he says. 

“What?” 

“Your legs, spread them.” 

Flushing, Toni does. Then he drags one knuckle up the seam of her cunt. It’s electrifying, brushing over her clit in a touch that has her gasping, parting her lips around his finger so that he can nestle it against her opening. God, it makes her realize just how hungry it feels. Seeing no reason to deny her instincts or what feels good, Toni lets her hips jerk forward, his knuckle just pressing past her entrance, a stretch that has her whining. 

Bucky pulls back, ignoring her noise of displeasure. Even in the moonlight, it glistens, wet with her cum. 

“That all for me?” he wonders. 

Toni snorts. “I don’t see anyone else here.” 

“Wouldn’t put it past you to have better eyesight than I do,” he teases, smiling. Then he lifts his hand to his mouth and licks her wetness from his finger. 

Toni is suddenly struck with the knowledge that she has never tasted herself. Reaching down, she uses one finger to mimic the path that Bucky had taken, shivering at the slick heat and the roughness of her curls. Then she brings it to her own mouth, brows furrowed. It is almost tasteless, probably from her thorough shower. There’s a hint of musk, but she kind of likes it. More than anything, she likes Bucky’s reaction to her, his eyes going wider than she’s ever seen, his mouth parting in surprise. 

“It’s not bad,” Toni says. Her eyes fall to his lap. “When do I get to taste you?” 

Bucky groans. “Jesus, can’t believe you’re just asking me questions like that—” 

“What, am I breaking sex-etiquette?” 

His lips ghost into a smile. “No. There isn’t really any etiquette, except for the kind we decide on together, I guess. I like your mouth—the things you say, I mean, the, the way you say things without caring how they sound.”

“We’ll see how long that lasts,” she says somberly. Toni knows the effect her mouth has on people—and to date it has mostly been negative. There was a disastrous date (one Toni had been far too embarrassed to admit was her first) between herself and one of Nat’s classmates. By the end of the night, every time Toni opened her mouth, she saw the exasperated roll of her date’s eyes and spent the rest of the date in complete silence. 

He didn’t deserve my mouth, Toni thinks. But Bucky does. 

As Bucky presses her back towards the couch, Toni twists and slips from his grasp. 

“Stop,” she says. When Bucky freezes, she feels the thrill of being obeyed. He is like marble as she reaches out and runs her fingers down the hollow of his sternum. His piercings catch the light that streams in through the window and she feels like a magpie with how drawn she is to the tiny barbells. “Tell me if I hurt you.” 

Bucky exhales shakily, the only response. When Toni drags her thumb across his nipple, nudging the metal bead at one end and then the other, his head tilts back to bare his honeycomb throat, mouth parting. It’s a strange sensation to feel the metal beneath his skin, and she knows that she must be being far more cautious than she needs to as she rolls either nipple between her fingers. But he doesn’t seem to mind. His chest heaves with the breaths he takes and she follows the rapid rise and fall, refusing to give him a moment of reprieve. 

When it feels more like she’s teasing herself than teasing him, then she drags her fingers down between his pecs, down over the bare skin of his abdominals and down to the waistband of his jeans. The zipper is distorted obscenely by his erection, and he hisses and groans as she works the button free, giving him inadvertent stimulation. 

He isn’t wearing boxers beneath—maybe he abandoned them after the woods, maybe he threw them away in Nat’s guest bathroom. His cock springs free and it is bigger up close, a very decent length, an intimidating thickness, cut and flushed dark. The head is sticky, and when she traces a thumb over it, Bucky gasps. In her grasp, his cock jerks: an adorable bob that has her fighting a smile.

Bringing her thumb to her mouth, she wastes no time in pressing it past her lips and sucking it clean. His taste isn’t much like hers; instead it is stronger, muskier and with a hint of salt. All at once, she needs him in her mouth. 

“Let me suck you off,” Toni asks. 

“Toni,” Bucky groans. His cock jerks again in her hand. “You don’t have to do that.” 

“I want to. Do you want me to? You said you liked my mouth. Would you—like it on your cock?” 

If he thinks that the dirty talk rolls stilted from her mouth, he doesn’t show it. All he does is mutter expletives and nod jerkily. Bucky strips himself of his jeans and sits on the center couch cushion. 

Bare to her. Completely. 

With reverence, Toni kneels, running her palms across his thighs. The hairs there are fairer and more sparse. His legs are inked as well, pictures that she traces with her fingertips. Above her, he sits patient and still, only twitching when she presses her mouth to the sensitive skin of his inner thigh. With a hand on either knee, she coaxes him to spread wider. Her eyes rake over him eagerly. It isn’t the first cock she’s ever seen (though it is the first in-person). If only the lights were on, she would be able to explore him better. In the dark, she can only really rely on one exploratory sense: touch. 

The skin of his cock feels like hot silk when she runs her fingers down the length of him. It has ridges that are perfect for her tongue to trace, veins running paths from the flared head down to his sac. Bucky must prefer to keep himself well-groomed, because he is hairless here the same way he is on his chest. She presses his cock up towards his stomach, noting the way precum leaks from the tip at her firm touch. Her other hand cups his balls, tracing one and then the other, running her fingers gently over the soft, wrinkled skin. 

“You’re gonna kill me,” says Bucky brokenly.

Leaning forward, she presses her closed lips to the very base of his cock. Beside him on the couch, his hands tighten into fists, knuckles standing out white. Encouraged, Toni begins to press gentle kisses up the shaft, gradually letting her mouth open so that she can stroke her tongue along the silken skin. When she reaches the head, she takes it past her lips and lets it rest on her tongue. Her eyes fall shut so that she can concentrate on the smoothness of his skin, the sharp taste of his cum. When she suckles at the head of him, Bucky groans, the muscles of his thighs clenching and unclenching. 

“Dear god,” he rasps with a voice like sandpaper. “This won’t last long at all, sugar, I, oh fucking hell, your mouth—” 

She startles at the feeling of his fingers touching her hair. When he sinks them deep into the damp tresses and takes hold firmly, something inside of her positively burns. Opening her jaw so wide it aches, she takes more of him into her mouth. If he stretches her open here, what will it be like when he sinks his cock inside her sex? The thought makes her whine around him, spit running down the inches of his shaft she can’t swallow down. It makes the slide of her hand easier when she wraps her slim fingers around the base and begins to jerk off the excess. 

“You sure you’ve never done this before?” he breathes. “Because you’re a natural. Thirty seconds in and I want to shoot down your throat. Goddamn, Toni—” 

Toni is sure that her own slick must be dripping down her legs at this point. As curious as she is to explore his body and reactions, she has never been patient: she wants him inside her. Pulling off of his cock, she says, “I don’t want you to cum down my throat. I want you to cum inside me.” 

Bucky hisses. He has to reach down and grip the base of his cock to keep from cumming, eyes squeezed shut in concentration. “I can’t do that. I don’t have any condoms.” 

“What good would it be for you to cum in me if you’re wearing a condom?” Toni snarks. “I want it dripping down my legs when I go up the stairs back to your room. I’ve had the implant since I was fifteen years old, neither of us need to worry about any souvenirs.”

“You don’t even know if I’m clean,” he says. He looks down at her with his jaw clenched and eyes narrowed, high on his moral outrage. “That’s what I mean about smarts being more than just numbers. You should never fuck a guy bare unless you’ve seen that he’s clean.” 

“I know you’re clean,” she snaps. 

“How the hell do you know that? Read a book on STD’s?” 

“You let me put your cock in my mouth. You think that can’t spread disease? Yeah. You weren’t thinking about it then, were you? Because you know you’ve got nothing bad to give me. I know that you’re clean because if you weren’t, you would have stopped me.” 

Now he looks downright tortured, staring down at her with his face twisted in sadness and anger. “You don’t know that. There are people out there who don’t care if they hurt you as long as they can stick their dicks inside of you. You can’t go thinkin’ the best of everyone.”

“I’m not thinking the best of everyone,” Toni admits. “I’m thinking the best of you. In science, theories are accepted as true until proven false. The only thing you’ve done since we’ve met is try to protect me. An infuriating though noble motive. You are a good man, and until you prove otherwise—I’m going to believe in you. In the good in you.” 

Bucky’s head tilts back to rest against the couch. His throat works as he takes several slow breaths. Much like when playing chess, Toni knows when to press and when to let pieces alone; she lets him turn over her words without any more fuel from her. Instead, she leans her cheek against his knee and waits, refusing to breathe lest she vibrates out of her skin with impatience. At last, he lets his head fall forward again and he nods with comical graveness. 

“Come here,” he says. “Up on my lap.” 

Her heart pounds, blood thrumming with anticipation. The size difference between them is only emphasized as she straddles his thighs. Elevated as she is, they can look at each other eye-to-eye. Toni is struck all over again by how handsome he is, the perfect symmetry from his face, the low brows that give him an intensity that threatens to take her breath away. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asks. When his hand reaches for her, thumb ghosting along the line of her jaw, it trembles.

“Yes,” she whispers. His fingers make contact, and he brings her forward.

It’s her first kiss. While there is an instinctive fluidity to it, the mechanics aren’t as simple as her erotica novels made it out to be. It helps to be hungry for him and to feel his thinly veiled hunger in return. His lips are soft and eager, and when they part to adjust the angles of their faces, his mouth returns to her parted, tongue lapping at the seam of her lips until she opens. A soft aching sound slips past her lips, and she’s glad that both of their eyes are shut so that he can’t see the embarrassed flush that burns her face. 

Wait, his eyes are shut, right?

She peaks. 

They are shut. She shuts hers quickly lest he catch her looking, but then he takes her entire bottom lip between his own and sucks at it softly and the thoughts leak from her ears. Bucky kisses with a dual nature; sometimes he is prone to long moments of softness as if he is sipping sweetly from her mouth. Other times, she can’t help but feel like he wants to split her open, drink deeply and sate his thirst of her. A quick learner, she mimics his actions. The noise he makes when she nips at his full bottom lip goes right between her legs. 

It is much like taking a poker to the softly smoldering coals of a fire. Toni burns. Thighs trembling from the effort it takes to hover over his lap, she lowers herself only find that his hard cock brushes against her curls. Bucky pulls away, hissing. 

“Sorry,” Toni murmurs. 

“Feels good,” he pants. He looks debauched, mouth red and swollen. From me, she thinks. “Remember what I told you in the woods? About you rubbing yourself off on me? Feels good for the both of us, honey.” 

“Put it inside me.”

He laughs too loud. Toni glances up towards the stairs, still dark and empty. 

“Fingers first,” says Bucky. “Put your arms around my neck and let me know if anything hurts.” 

Toni buries her face in his neck. With one large hand, he cups the entirety of her naked sex. Just the warmth of his hand has her mouth parting, when he lets two middlemost fingers press forward to touch her opening, she groans. 

“You play with yourself here?” he asks her. His fingers make no move to enter her, just rub and circle around her entrance. Toni is beyond words, chest tight with anticipation, so all she can do is nod in confirmation. Bucky groans, cock jerking where it is pressed flush between their naked bellies. 

For a long time, all he does is trace the line of her: fingers gathering the slick at her entrance and dragging it up to her swollen clit. Most passes, he avoids touching that knot of throbbing nerves, but sometimes he takes it between his two fingers and applies the slightest pressure until she is gasping and her hips are trembling in his grasp. 

“Relax,” he says. 

She bites his neck.

“Jesus,” he groans, flinching away from her teeth. “I should spank the hell out of you for that.” 

Toni arches her back until the hand steadying her hip slips back and takes a firm hold of her ass. He must feel as if she is panting in his ear, her breaths are coming so fast. Usually, Toni skimmed over spanking scenes in erotica or watched with ambivalence, eager to get to the good parts. Why the thought of Bucky doing that—of disciplining her—turns her on so much, she won’t even begin to guess. Her degree is in engineering and not psychology; leave the soft sciences to the soft scientists. 

“Is that supposed to scare me?” she mocks. 

“No,” he says. His fingers press with more firmness at her entrance, stretching her just barely. “I don’t need to scare you to get you to behave.” 

With slow and steady movements, he lets one finger slip inside her. Toni sighs happily. In a rare moment of penance, she kisses the bruise left on his throat in the shape of her mouth. 

“God you feel good,” Bucky says. “That hurtin’ you?” 

Toni rolls her eyes. “No. I usually use two fingers, anyway.” 

“I’d die to see that,” he sighs. “Is that what you were doing up there in your room for so long? Working two fingers in an’ out of this pretty pussy?” 

“No. I wanted to wait—for you.” 

It’s Bucky’s turn to lean in to her, his lips pressing against her throat. His voice is wrecked when he says, “There isn’t a single part of you, not a single thing you say or do that doesn’t drive me insane.” 

Without another word, he withdraws from her and then two fingertips are nudging at her entrance. The stretch makes her suck in a breath even though there is plenty of wetness to ease his way. 

“Okay?” he asks. His breathing has picked up, either mimicking her unconsciously or noticing the tension in her form. “You feel—real tight.”

“Your fingers are bigger than mine,” she theorizes. “It doesn’t hurt though. Keep going.”

Bucky presses in to his last knuckle. He uses his thumb to rub at her clit and when she clenches around his fingers, they both groan. Impatient, Toni draws her hips back to feel the slide as his fingers come free, dragging against the sensitive rim of her entrance. 

“Go ahead,” he pants. “If it feels good, go ahead honey.”

She keeps her thrusts slow. Her hips are unused to the movement, and when he spreads his fingers to open her wide, it almost hurts. 

“How the hell am I going to get inside you,” Bucky mutters. 

Toni hopes that’s rhetorical. 

More and more, he opens her up. She never stops the rolling of her hips, but sometimes he pins her to him so that he can focus on her clit, strumming his thumb back and forth over it until she feels liable to cum and more slick drips out of her. Then he stretches his fingers again. It goes on forever, the slick sounds growing more and more obscene until there is no more ache. When he slips a third finger inside, it doesn’t hurt at all, just burns in a deeply satisfying way. 

“I want you on top, just like this,” he says. “That way you’re in control and if somethin’ hurts, you can stop right away. Got it?” 

“Got it, it’s gotten,” Toni answers. Her thighs tremble, cunt pulsing emptily when he pulls his fingers free and goes to lick them clean. Toni stops him with a hand around his wrist. His eyes stare at the way her fingers can’t touch for the thickness of him. Without thought, she says, “That’s mine.” 

He blinks. “I—know?”

“So it’s mine,” she says, tugging his hand towards her mouth. When he realizes that she means to lick her slick off of his fingers, his eyes fall shut, cock jerking between them. 

His throats clicks when he swallows. “But, you’re a good girl, right? You’re gonna share, aren’t you?” 

“If you ask nicely,” she whispers, buzzing on the high of his submission. 

His eyes are so heated, they pin her in place. Never has she been so thankful for her eidetic memory. He’s the most beautiful person she’s ever seen, and the sight of him with his swollen mouth and inked skin and burning eyes is one that she commits to memory again and again. Unwilling to part from it. 

“Please,” begs Bucky. 

“Do better.” 

“Please share. Two tastes tonight aren’t enough. I’d gladly spend the rest of my life with my mouth to your pussy, that’s how bad I want it. Even just one finger, honey, let me have one.” 

She is positively shaking when she brings his wrist towards her—and takes all three fingers into her mouth. Bucky makes a sound like he’s been punched, but he bites down on any protests, gritting his teeth. He presses down on her tongue, the barest bite of his nails until she shuts her teeth around his fingers in warning. When any semblance of her essence is gone, she lets go of his wrist. 

“You’re cruel,” he rasps. 

“That’s what you get for thinking I’m a good girl.” 

“I take it back.” 

Toni shifts up, her hand reaching between them for his cock. It is slick with precum that has smeared against his abs. As soon as the flared head rests against her entrance, she realizes the discrepancy between three fingers and his cock. 

“Just take it slow,” he says, breaths unsteady. “For both our sakes.” 

She lowers herself just an inch. The stretch as the head slips past her entrance burns in the best way. Once she doesn’t need to guide him anymore, she lets her thin arms wrap around his shoulders, the fingers of one hand burying themselves in his hair in a grip that must be painful even if he doesn’t mention it. Another inch disappears inside her, and it pinches in a way that has her wincing. Instead of pressing forward, she raises her hips up until he nearly slips free from her before taking him back in. 

“Jesus,” Bucky whispers as she fucks herself on the tip alone. 

“Don’t rush me,” she laughs. 

“I’m not, I swear,” he says. “Just trying not to blow my load, you’re so tight—fuck, I felt that. You squeeze my dick like that again and I’m finished, honey, holy shit.” 

“I can’t help it,” Toni gasps. It feels so good to use those muscles, feels so good to clench against him as he’s filling her up. The next inch comes easier, and the next after that. She lets herself lower those last few inches until he’s completely inside of her. It doesn’t make sense: how it feels so foreign but how it feels so right. He’s touching places inside of her that her fingers never could, that even his fingers never could, filling her in a way she’s never been full. It’s overwhelming all at once. Whining into his throat, she says, “God, it feels like you’re in my throat.” 

Inside of her, his cock twitches and makes her squeak—an altogether indignant sound that she will take to the grave. 

“Just sit there for a minute,” Bucky pants. “Please Joseph, Mary, and Jesus, don’t fucking move.” 

“Don’t tell me that; now I want to move even more.” 

He tightens his grip on her hips, unrelenting. Now, even when she shifts against him, she can’t move an inch. The knowledge stokes the heat inside her higher, pulling a moan from deep in her chest. She feels his lips press to her shoulder, a soft and sweet touch that maybe she wasn’t even meant to notice. A smile blooms where no one can see it, and she forces herself to relax and wait for him. 

After an endless minute, he finally releases his bruising hold of her hips. “Okay,” he says. 

“Okay? I can move?”  

He nods. “Do whatever feels best.” 

In for a penny, in for a pound. Toni lifts herself up, lamenting the loss of him just so that she can bring her hips down hard in a thrust that shakes her to her core. If she had any breath in her lungs, she might have shouted; even Bucky seems shattered, groaning expletives that are far too loud. At the apex of his thrust, he touches a spot inside her that feels so sensitive it nearly hurts. She wants to feel that hurt again and again and again. The pace she sets nearly breaks the both of them. She has never been able to cum from internal stimulation alone, but when he hits that spot deep inside, she feels like maybe she could. 

When her legs begin to shake from overexertion, he shifts them until he lies flat on the couch, coaxing her to lean forward and let some of her weight be borne by her palms on the armrest his head lays on. It changes the angle, and she leans forward and then backward to experience every sensation.

“Look at you,” Bucky breathes. “Taking my cock so well. Just chasing what feels good, aren’t you honey? Tell me how it feels.” 

“Good,” Toni whines, digging her fingers into the fabric of the armrest. He thrusts his hips up like a reward and she cries out. When she leans forward, she finds that she can grind her clit against the base of his cock. 

“Do better,” he says, mocking her earlier words. Another sharp thrust upwards, that sharp, bright ache—my cervix, she thinks with a thrill. That’s what that is. He’s just long enough to touch it. 

“If cumming means that you won’t be able to keep fucking me like this, then you’re never allowed to cum,” she says. “Ever.” 

Bucky laughs so hard he wheezes. “Yeah?” he says when he catches his breath. “You want to put a ring on me, use my cock like it’s a toy for your convenience? How many times could you cum on my dick before I blow my load even with the ring on, huh? Nothing could keep me from cummin’ inside you. A pussy this sweet? Let’s be glad I’ve lasted this long.” 

Toni clenches her muscles tight until he hisses. 

“Let’s start counting,” she says. “Make me cum, Bucky, please.” 

He groans. One of his hands goes to her breast, taking her pebbled nipple between his fingers while the other drifts down to where they’re connected. For a moment, he ignores her aching clit and instead lets his fingers trace where she’s stretched around his cock. He mutters something foul, filthy, hot and then he presses the pad of his thumb against her clit, rubbing briskly, working to follow her thrusts even as they stutter and grow erratic. 

“Oh God,” Toni breathes, toes curling. “Please don’t stop, please don’t stop, please—” 

When she cums, it’s explosive—never has she cum while so full, while being filled. Hypersensitive to his cock, it feels huge where he thrusts in and out of her, cunt gripping him tight. Every thrust drags her orgasm on and on, his thumb never growing lenient where it toys with her clit until she feels like she could cum again, which has never happened, never—

The second is slower and deeper, her entire body seizing up above him. Both of her legs cramp, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing fucking matters. Nothing except for his thumb on her clit and that burst of pleasure so deep inside her so keen that it almost hurts. 

When her brain finally begins to function again, her lashes are wet, her throat is raw, and Bucky has a hold of her hips, gently humping upwards into the cradle of her hips. The wet sounds of their sex almost make her flush, but then she realizes that he is whispering to her frantically: 

“—please, I’ve got to cum, can’t hold off anymore. Did you mean it, that you want, you want it inside?” 

“God, yes,” Toni says, voice wrecked. “Inside me, please. Do it inside me—” 

He grows still beneath her, the music staff across his chest expanded from the force of his inhalation. His eyes are squeezed shut, the expression on his face looking almost pained. Then she feels it: his cock twitching where it’s buried deep inside of her, a flush of warmth and wetness. He groans, teeth clenched tight. 

“I can feel that,” she says in wonder. 

And when his eyes open, misty and dazed and looking for her own so that he can smile up at her, all she can think is, I want to feel that again. 

-

Nat creeps back up from where she had crouched on the stairs low enough to catch a glimpse of the living room below. A noise down the hallway draws her attention, but it is just Wanda, her head poking out questioningly from one of the guest rooms. Wanda points a finger towards the stairs and then takes that same finger and thrusts it into a hole loosely formed by her other fist. 

Nat makes a circle with her thumb and forefinger. 

Yes! Wanda mouths, pumping her fist. She holds up her hand and Natasha gives her a phantom high-five before disappearing back into her bedroom, taking extra care to close the door without a single sound. Steve is sound asleep where she left him, but when she crawls back into bed, he reaches for her even in sleep to wrap an arm around her. 

All in a day’s work. 

-

Hours after the sun has ridden, Natasha is the first awake. The living room is empty with no sign of any late-night scandalous activities. She hadn’t checked Toni’s guestroom, but she would guarantee that it was empty. It puts her in a good mood, and she hums while he starts an extra-large pot of coffee. In the quiet early morning, Natasha is struck by a rare moment of complete contentment. So many of the people she loves under one room, safe, happy, sated. 

If only life could be like this all the time, she thinks.

One by one the others begin to wake and come down. Bucky arrives first. Natasha passes him a mug of coffee without a word, ignoring the sight of the vivid bruise against his neck. They must have staggered their arrivals to avoid suspicion, because Toni arrives only a few minutes later, hair wet from a shower. 

“Are you hungover?” Natasha asks, letting her face crumple into a concerned expression. “God, T, you look like you didn’t sleep a wink. Was it the bed? Those guest rooms—” 

“The bed was fine,” Toni says primly. Her face barely twists when she sits on the stool at the kitchen island. 

“Gimme that,” Bucky mutters, taking the mug meant for Toni from her hands. Looking her dead in the eye, he says lowly enough so that only she can hear: “You aren’t slick, Nat.” 

“Toni sure was,” she says, barely moving her lips. 

Bucky snorts, turning away to take Toni the coffee. Natasha turns her back to them, making herself busy with breakfast on the stove so that no one can see her smile while she listens to them bicker over the best way to take their coffee. Steve is suddenly there, pressed flush against her back so that he can place a kiss at the crown of her head. 

“Everything okay?” he asks under his breath. 

And it’s not a lie when she looks up at him and says: “Perfect.” 

[maddie-grove]

The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2020

My main takeaways:

I’m glad that I set certain reading goals this year (i.e., reading an even mix of different genres and writing about each book I read on this tumblr). I feel like it really expanded my horizons.

There are a lot of proper names on my Top 20 list this year, which possibly means something about identity? That, or I just tried to read more Victorian novels. 

Be horny, and be kind.

Now...

20. The White Mountains by John Christopher (1967)

In a world ruled by unseen creatures who roam the countryside in tall metal tripods, all humans are “capped” (surgically fitted with metal plates on their heads) at age fourteen. Thirteen-year-old Will Parker looks forward to becoming a man, but a conversation with a mysterious visitor to his village raises a few doubts. This early YA dystopia has gorgeous world-building (notably a trip to the ruins of Paris) and expert pacing. The choices Will has to make are also more surprising and complicated than I ever anticipated.

19. What Happened at Midnight by Courtney Milan (2013)

John Mason wants revenge on his fiancée Mary after she skips town following her father’s death...apparently with the funds that her father, John’s business partner, embezzled from their company. When he tracks her down, though, she’s working as a lady’s companion to the wife of a controlling gentleman who refuses to pay her wages, and John’s fury turns to sympathy and curiosity. This is a smart, well-plotted Victorian-set novella about a couple who builds a better relationship after a rocky start.

18. Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes (1943)

It’s 1773, and fourteen-year-old Bostonian Johnny Tremain has it all: a promising apprenticeship to a silversmith, the run of his arguably senile master’s household, and...unresolved grief over his widowed mother’s death? When a workplace “accident” ruins his hand and career, though, he must “forge” a new identity. Despite its jingoism and surfeit of historical exposition, I fell in love with this weird early YA novel. It’s a fascinating, heartbreaking portrayal of disability and ableism, and, to be fair, Forbes was just jazzed about fighting the Nazis.

17. Something Happened to Ali Greenleaf by Hayley Krischer (2020)

After universally beloved jock Sean Nessel rapes starry-eyed junior Ali Greenleaf at a party, his queen-bee friend Blythe Jensen agrees to smooth things over by befriending his victim. Ali knows Blythe’s motives are weird and sketchy, but being friends with a popular, exciting girl is preferable to dealing with the fallout of the rape. This YA novel is a complex, astute exploration of trauma and moral responsibility.

16. The Color of Law by Richard Rothstein (2017)

Rothstein details how the federal U.S. government allowed, encouraged, and sometimes even forcibly brought about segregation of black and white Americans during the early and mid-twentieth century, with no regard for the unconstitutionality of its actions. He brings home the staggering harm to black Americans who were kept from living in decent housing, shut out of home ownership for generations, and denied the opportunity to accumulate wealth for generations. It’s an impactful read, and I was honestly shocked to learn Rothstein isn’t a lawyer, because the whole thing reads like an expansion of an excellent closing statement.

15. My Friend Dahmer by Derf Backderf (2012)

In this graphic memoir, Backderf looks back on his casual, fleeting friendship with future serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, a high school classmate who amused Backderf and his geeky friends with bizarre, chaotic antics. Backderf brings their huge, impersonal high school to life, illustrating how the callousness and cruelty of such an environment allowed an isolated, troubled teen to morph into something much more disturbing without anyone really noticing. It’s a work of baffled, tentative empathy and regret that stayed with me long after I finished it.

14. Daniel Deronda by George Eliot (1876)

Gwendolyn Harleth, beautiful and ambitious but with no real outlet, finds herself compelled to marry a heartless gentleman with a shady past. Daniel Deronda, adopted son of her husband’s uncle, finds himself drawn into her orbit due to his helpful nature, but he’s also dealing with a lot of other stuff, like helping a Jewish opera singer and figuring out his parentage. I love George Eliot and, although this bifurcated novel isn’t her most accessible work, it’s highly rewarding. The psychological twists and turns of Gwendolyn’s story are a wonder to experience, and Daniel’s discovery of his past and a new community is moving.

13. The Plot Against America by Philip Roth (2004)

The Roths, an ordinary working-class Jewish family in 1940 Newark, find their quiet lives descending into fear, uncertainty, and strife after Charles Lindbergh, celebrity pilot and Nazi sympathizer, becomes president of the United States. This alternate history/faux-memoir perfectly captures the slow creep of fascism and the high-handed cruelty of state-sanctioned discrimination, as well as the weirdness of living a semi-normal life while all of that is going on. Also: fuck Herman and Alvin for messing up Bess’s coffee table! She is a queen, and she deserves to read Pearl S. Buck in a pleasant setting!

12. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens (1850)

Young David Copperfield has an idyllic life with his sweet widowed mom and devoted nursemaid Peggotty, until his cruel stepfather ruins everything. David eventually manages to find safe harbor with his eccentric aunt, but his troubles have only begun. Although the quality of the novel falls off a little once David becomes an adult, I don’t even care; the first half is one of the most beautiful, funny, brilliantly observed portrayals of the joys and sorrows of childhood that I’ve ever read.

11. The Rise and Fall of Adam and Eve by Stephen Greenblatt (2017)

Greenblatt examines the evolution and cultural significance of the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible to the modern day (but mostly it’s about Milton). I can’t speak to the scholarship of this book--I’m not an expert on the Bible or Milton or bonobos--but I do know that it’s a gorgeously written meditation on love, mortality, and free will. Greenblatt brought me a lot of joy as an unhappy teenager, and he came through for me again during the summer of 2020.

10. The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg (2019)

Self-conscious seventeen-year-old Jordan is mortified when his widowed mother hires Max, an outgoing jock from his school, to help out with their struggling food truck. As they get to know each other, though, they realize that they have more in common than they thought, and they end up helping each other through a particularly challenging summer. This is an endearing, exceedingly well-balanced YA romance that tackles serious issues with a light touch and a naturalness that’s rare in the genre.

9. Red as Blood by Tanith Lee (1983)

In nine wonderfully lurid stories, Tanith Lee retells fairy tales with a dark, historically grounded, and lady-centered twist. Highlights include a medieval vampiric Snow White, a vengeful early modern Venetian Cinderella, and a Scandinavian werewolf Little Red Riding Hood. Fairy tale retellings are right up my alley, and Lee’s collection is impressively varied and creative.

8. A Room with a View by E.M. Forster (1908)

Unnerved by an impulsive make-out session with egalitarian George Emerson on a trip to Florence, young Edwardian woman Lucy Honeychurch goes way too far the other way and gets engaged to snobbish Cecil Vyse. How can she get out of this emotional and social pickle? This is an absolutely delightful romance that gave a timeless template for romantic comedies and dramas for 100-plus years.

7. My Ántonia by Willa Cather (1918)

Jim Burden, a New York City lawyer, tells the story of his friendship with slightly older Bohemian immigrant girl Ántonia when they were kids together on the late-nineteenth-century Nebraska prairie. It was a pretty pleasant time, give or take a few murders, suicides, and attempted rapes. This is one of the sweetest stories about unrequited love I’ve ever read, and it has some really enjoyable queer subtext.

6. Mister Death’s Blue-Eyed Girls by Mary Downing Hahn (2012)

In 1956 Maryland, gawky teen Nora’s peaceful existence is shattered by the unsolved murder of her friends Cheryl and Bobbi Jo right before summer vacation. Essentially left to deal with her trauma alone, she begins to question everything, from her faith in God to the killer’s real identity. Hahn delivers a beautiful coming-of-age story along with a thoughtful portrait of how a small community responds to tragedy.

5. The Lais of Marie de France by Marie de France, with translation and introduction/notes by Robert Herring and Joan Ferrante (original late 12th century, edition 1995) 

In twelve narrative poems, anonymous French-English noblewoman Marie de France spins fantastically weird tales of love, lust, and treachery. Highlights include self-driving ships, gay (?) werewolves, and more plot-significant birds than you can shake a stick at. Marie de France brings so much tenderness, delicacy, and startling humor to her stories, offering a wonderful window to the distant past.

4. Maus by Art Spiegelman (1980-1991)

In this hugely influential graphic novel/memoir, Art Spiegelman tells the story of how his Polish Jewish parents survived the Holocaust. He portrays all the characters as anthropomorphic animals; notably, the Jewish characters are mice and the Nazi Germans are cats. I read the first volume of Maus back in 2014 and, while I appreciated and enjoyed it, I didn’t get the full impact until I read both volumes together early in 2020. Spiegelman takes an intensely personal approach to his staggering subject matter, telling the story through the lens of his fraught relationship with his charismatic and affectionate, yet truly difficult father. 

3. At the Dark End of the Street by Danielle L. McGuire (2010)

McGuire looks at a seldom-explored aspect of racism in the Jim Crow South (the widespread rape and sexual harassment of black women by white men) and the essential role of anti-rape activism led by black women during the Civil Rights movement. This is a harrowing yet tastefully executed history, and it’s also a truly inspirational story of collective activism.

2. In for a Penny by Rose Lerner (2010)

Callow Lord Nevinstoke has to mature fast when his father dies, leaving him an estate hampered by debts and extremely legitimate grievances from angry tenant farmers. To obtain the necessary funds, he marries (usually!) sensible brewing heiress Penelope Brown, but they face problems that not even a sizable cash infusion can fix. This is a refreshingly political romance with a deliciously tense atmosphere and fascinating themes, as well as an almost painfully engaging central relationship.

1. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen (1814)

Fanny Price, the shy and sickly poor relation of the wealthy Bertram family, is subtly mistreated by most of her insecure and/or self-absorbed relatives, with the exception of her kind cousin Edmund. When the scandalous Crawford siblings visit the neighborhood, though, it shakes up her life for good and ill. I put off reading Mansfield Park for years--it’s practically the last bit of Austen writing that I consumed, including most of her juvenilia--and yet I think it’s my favorite. Fanny is an eminently lovable and interesting heroine, self-doubting and flawed yet possessed of a strong moral core, and the rest of the characters are equally realistic and compelling. Austen really made me think about the point of being a good person, both on a personal and a global scale.

[oh-theres-a-woman]

Flowers in a Peaked Cap; Part One

A/N: Heres to attempt two at writing this author’s note… Let’s just say, I haven’t perfected the art of saving drafts. Note to self to actually find out how to make the draft before losing three solid paragraphs of rambling about the story… Sophie Points; Nil. Laptop/Internet Points; One. Welp, honestly internet and laptop have won a hell of a lot more than that. Just don’t remember how many times I’ve lost work because of not quite understanding how to post on here…. Safe to say I’m still a noob. 

Any hoot! Enough rambling about that stuff. 

After posting the first piece to this story; in the very very early hours of this morning. I couldn’t help but feel the massive urge to continue and work on the more of Tillie’s little adventure. It made me want to think about her as a person outside the relatives that we already know. What this girl’s goals are and ambitions. Unlike the rest of her family, I think she has a relatable amount of vulnerability and anxieties that are more from society’s working in the 1920s compared to her brothers; Arthur, Thomas and John that all suffer war-related mental illness and scars.   

Actively she’s a romantic escapist that wants to make her brothers and aunt proud. Making a name for herself in the means of writing and exploring the tales that are brewed from the memories of old days. 

In the progression of this story, I want to be able to explore the growth in Tillie as a young woman. The stepping out of her brothers’ shadows and coming into her own. Growing into a more confident young woman that could be from meeting new people like in this chapter and moving away from her fears. 

I do see romance in this story, something like and full of all the trend first experience one faces at one stage or another. In terms of smut, I’d think it’s lighter and would be something that is worked towards. Tillie to me doesn’t seem rather lust-driven. So, it’ll happen if it does, and if not; its simply because Tillie Shelby isn’t interested in that sort of thing. 

Important note; I’ll be working on organising the Taglist a little more throughout my next few posts. Please notify me if you’re interested in anything specifically and want tags there or if you mind just being on the general tag list and included in every story I post. Thank you!!!  

Requested By; @csigeoblue​

Parts; [ Prologue ] 

Taglist; @zodiyack​, @itsfrancisneptun​, @amys-small-world​, @fandom-fucking-shit​, @hesagod-notyet​, @hinagiku0​, @dylanlover24​, @amirahiddleston​, @a-dorky-book-keeper​, @theamuz​, @csigeoblue​, @smallheathgangsters​, @beautycinders 

Word Count; 1400

Watery Lane wasn’t the play that supported the wild fantasy’s of Tillie Shelby, but the little bookshop that was filled with many hopefuls or lads that were born a little more well off collectively grouped together. Reading the stories they wrote. This gathering was apparently one that caught the attention of the paper since the known publishers and well-off lads from another book club around England had found themselves doing a sort of travel for their source material. 

Since the profile of this club of prolific writers had taken interest in the area of Small Heath and its inhabitants. Inviting upstart writers or aspiring tellers to come and meet them. So, onward the youngest Shelby strolled until she pulled open the door of the quaint little bookshop. The signal of her arrival was the sound of her kitten heels and the ringing of the bell on the door. Doe-like blue eyes that were like the crystal-clarity of the purest of water found themselves settling on a group of well-dressed gentlemen.  Her eyes flicker between some faces she knew of Small Heath, most of them being the arseholes she went to school with and thought themselves privy to a better life. 

It wasn’t that Tillie didn’t believe they weren’t welcome to it. Mostly, it was the way they treated people in order to get there the young woman didn’t quite agree with. She was rather foolish coming to her though since her brother’s had a very vision about how the Shelby family should be seen. Their measures to getting things done with it were also less than admirable. Perhaps, it was the fact that Billy Bronson, James Fitz and Joe Gilbert made hers and Finn’s school life a living hell one way or another. But, it also made it seem extremely unfair to talk to their older brothers about what happened. Since most knew better than to fuck with the kin of the Peaky Blinders. 

Plooms of cigarette smoke clouded in the air, filling the bookstore with a spiced herbal infusion and rippled tailored sticks of tobacco. Moving her gaze from the lads she knew; to the new arrivals. The youngest of the Shelby mob offered a little smile. “Is there room for one more?” Tillie finally spoke up, pulling her book that contained the novel she had poured hours and hours over. Smiling hopefully. Arms hugging the expensive leather made book that her brothers banded together in the hopes for a lovely birthday present in the days before the war. 

Hoping that she’d fill in with various things she enjoyed to draw, but instead, Tillie hadn’t touched it until she was old enough to respect things. Asking Aunt Pol to help her keep in a safe place until then. Scraps of paper were best for sketches in any case. 

Eyes ever hopeful looked at the posher sort, some seemed wary until a certain collared lad smiled and offered a little nod then the place he’d been sitting. Away from the boys that seemed to make life a little more bothersome. “Thank you,” she whispered, settling down in the seat. Resting the book down on her lap before looking to the other lads who straightened their composure.

“We were all about to introduce ourselves since we’ve never travelled outside of London for such a meeting before. Yet, it seemed like a brilliant idea when bought up. Birmingham seemed like the best place, so raw and thrilling. Small Heath alone.” Spoke finally a lad in a handsome waist-coat, the colouring of coal, stiff collar and matching suit made her think of it being something her brother; Tom would wear. Only on the best occasions, or when he was dressing-to-impress. Unlike Thomas, this lad had handsome hazel eyes, the slightest tan to his skin like he enjoyed the frolicking on the beach. His name was Walter, but everyone called him, Walt. 

“Even the presence of criminal activity and organisations like the Peaky Blinders, it does make the area a prize for writing. Wouldn’t you agree, lads,” spoke up for eccentric Norman, who took delight in the thing that only made Tillie smile in a measure of great awkwardness. The name seemed to follow her everywhere she went, and there was a measure of awkwardness for that.  “Sorry, miss, I didn’t quite mean to be so rude, it’s just you don’t seem the sort to know much on that end, too kind and pretty, huh?” Norm covered himself for any form of rudeness that could have been interpreted. 

Only causing a polite little lowering of her head, as her hands wrapped anxiously around her book’s spine. Before relaxing at the conversation drifting off elsewhere. Sobering to the notion that the following cough from Joe Gilbert had goosebumps appearing on her arms. Causing a vast amount of discomfort in the young woman. Tillie traded glances with the nicer of the Londoner’s; Robert. Whom quickly coughed to get things back on track. 

“In any case, back to the introductions. We shouldn’t dwell too long on the story topics if we’ve lacked the proper course of introduction. Shall I start?” Robert spoke up, settled against set up for the purpose of meetings. “My name is Robert Augustine, myself and these other gentlemen,” he said, gesturing to the others in the group of London lads. 

“Are from a collective of young men that wish to write and publish arts. Never before have we had a lady join us, but surely in this modern world we’d be able to welcome the bright minds of femininity amongst us. After all, lady authors are blooming into the publishing world more and more with each generation.” His words seemed to still the anxiousness within her soul at the agreement of his other companions. Looking forward to seeing a hand extended to her, Robert allowed her to stand. The mix of coarseness and softness met between the two palms meet. 

Holding her book, Tillie looked down smiling a little at her feet. Hugging her book to her chest, like it was the most precious thing to her. That was… Because it truly was the thing that held so much value to her heart. Her right hand still gently in the hold of the Londoner, cheeks lightly warming. “I’m Tillie Shelby, and I like to write about my brothers, their stories before the war. When we were kids,” she lit up sweetly talking of her brothers. Her hand and Robert’s naturally finding it parting, before he settled in his spot by the desk. Arms folding at his chest with a little smile. 

“Would you be willing to share any of those stories?” Robert asked in a light voice. Tillie could only think of one response. 

“Would I ever,” she beamed with a presence that seemed to warm the room and the quiet little shop around them. Settling down into her seat once more, she didn’t think about when the others were introducing themselves. Instead, she found herself lost within stories. The more whimsical tales of lads that laughed and partied. Or the ones that filled with a warmth that made her think of the family that suppressed or lost who they were before the war. Among them, none had known those woes and horrors. 

They’d seen things happen on the outside. Felt the absence of a brother, father, uncle or grandfather that either died or lost what kept to their memory that their younger-selves recalled. Tillie was young then. Merely a baby in some regard. But she couldn’t ever forget the days of laughter, wherein night terrors; her heroes would just come up and curl into the undersized cot she called a bed. Soothing their fingers along with the softness of infant or child hairs–that had yet to understand dryness or damage. 

When business didn’t entirely rule the Shelby family but happened in the background. Those were her tales. The tales of rawness and loss from a different scene. Where her brothers; the men who took over the role of an absent father, became; fathers, uncles, older brothers and best friends. And… Pol became the only mother she ever knew and remembered. Her voice spoke of the volumes to family values and how terrible things broke people. Yet, she never uttered their names aloud. 

Only recording them within her mind when she read the tales that meant something to one of her brothers. Art. Tom. John.

[collectsfallenstars]

WARNING: Absolutely long post

IN DEFENSE OF KIM EUN SOOK'S "THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH"

The King: Eternal Monarch has been getting mixed reviews 10 episodes into the season and it has boggled my mind as to why this has been happening. It’s a grand project, has a robust storyline, beautiful cinematography the likes of which is done for full-length films, and has a love story between two adults who behave like adults and not in perpetual high school. It is very different from most Korean dramas I have come across, and that alone is reason enough to watch it.

 

Granted, I have not watched many of them so maybe I don’t really know what I’m talking about. But what I am sure of is that I get tired of things very easily when they’ve become predictable.

 

See, before watching The King: Eternal Monarch, the last Korean drama I watched was Something Happened in Bali back in 2004. Then coronavirus happened, billions of pesos were to the government but no mass-testing happened, ABS-CBN shut down, people speaking against the government were being put in jail, and I thought, hmm let’s go to Netflix to escape. K-dramas with beautiful autumn colors should do the trick.

 

I watched maybe one or two series in full but soon found myself giving up on the ones that came next. Watching them one after another made it clear that they were built like romance novels – no matter how different each premise was for a series, they always followed a pattern. And patterns, while they may be dependable, can sometimes be boring.

 

And then I decided to give The King: Eternal Monarch a try even though the binge-watching monster inside me disagreed with it. So there I was last week, Netflix open and a lunch of Sinigang na Baboy with rice laid out in front of me.

 

The series opened with a serene view of a bamboo forest, wind blowing gently through it, and the voice of a man talking about the legend of a bamboo flute back when monarchs ruled Korea. Oh, a historical series.

 

1 minute and 40 seconds later, it cuts to a man covered in blood, in a police interrogation room in modern day Korea. Oh, it’s also detective fiction. Gotta watch out for red herrings then. Oh but wait, the man covered in blood, Lee Lim, is supposed to be 70 years old but he doesn’t look a day over 30. I mean, yes Korean genes and skin care are magical but not to this extent. The idea of immortality is introduced which suggests that the series has supernatural elements too. This means world building for these magical elements and forming rules that govern them. (I mean, Bram Stoker and Anne Rice made their vampires perish under the sun and Stephanie Meyer chose to make them…sparkle.)

 

And then 4 minutes in, we get a flashback to winter of 1994 in the Kingdom of Corea. Uhm. Typo? No? Lee Lim, the bastard son of the former king, murders his half brother, the current king, in order to steal the bamboo flute that grants the owner much power. The king’s young son, 7 year old Lee Gon, witnesses his father’s murder, struggles with Lee Lim, splits the power laden bamboo flute in half, and nearly dies if it weren’t for a mysterious figure coming in to save him.  The mysterious figure drops an ID card with the name and picture of Lt. Jung Tae Eul on it and Lee Gon clutches it along with half of the bamboo flute. Lee Lim escapes to the forest with only a broken half of the bamboo flute. He comes upon a pair of obelisks, passes through it and lands in Korea with a K. Lee Lim comes face to face with the face of the person he had just murdered, except he isn’t a king anymore. He’s just an unkempt unemployed man. We now have the introduction of parallel worlds and doppelgangers. It had only been 18 minutes into the first episode.

 

I put it on pause, finished my lunch quickly, cleared the table, and settled down on the couch to watch. I did all that before resuming to watch it because it clearly wasn’t the kind of K-drama you could easily watch while eating, glancing up and down between the screen and your food, missing bits of the subtitle here and there and not paying any mind. Because of its structure, the kind of story it wants to tell and the breadth of its narrative, it demands your full attention.

 

I get why people find it difficult. I found it difficult. But it was infinitely exciting. It’s as if someone laid out a puzzle with a thousand pieces, a maze, Connect the Dots, Spot the Difference in front of me and told me to play with them all at the same time.

 

What kind of story did the writer, Kim Eun Sook, want to tell? She began with the murder of the parents of Lee Gon by his bastard uncle, Lee Lim, who feels he has been deprived of power for too long and intends to take it all for himself. It becomes a story of both sides seeking justice for their own separate tragedies. To flesh out this story, she has to give Lee Lim a plan for world domination and give Lee Gon a defense strategy in place, as well as an active pursuit to entrap his uncle. She has to give them motivations, conflicts, moments of doubt and triumph. If this were the only story she wanted to tell, a linear storyline with flashbacks and flash-forwards should be enough. Throw in a romance, love triangle, one final obstacle, 2 chaste kisses, 1 passionate kiss, 1 tearful kiss, 1 reunion kiss and you will arrive at your happy ending.

 

But Kim Eun Sook wanted to do more. She expanded Lee Lim’s plan for world domination into two parallel worlds. Adding science fiction to the mix complicates matters because you will have to build another world that is visibly different from the other even if they are parallel to each other. Audiences should be able to tell one apart from the other quickly in order to keep up with the story. The difficulty that The King: Eternal Monarch faces is that the Kingdom of Corea and the Republic of Korea look almost exactly alike. It takes almost a few seconds to recognize the Royal Seal, or the European inspired trams running in the background to ascertain that the scene is in the Kingdom of Corea. But once the characters appear, it becomes easier to tell which world we’re dealing with. Jung Tae Eul and the police force belong to Korea. The Royal Staff and family, Prime Minister Koo and cabinet members belong to Corea. The only ones to traverse between both worlds are Lee Gon and his uncle.

 

Therein lies one of the criticisms for Kim Eun Sook’s work – the pace is too slow. I would argue though that the pace is just right when you’re creating two worlds, with very different characters in each, whose stories run parallel to and interweave with each other. It is very easy to place all evil characters in World A and all good characters in World B. But that’s lazy writing, and also ugly.

 

Kim Eun Sook humanizes and fleshes out a significant amount of the supporting cast with such care, developing them alongside the major characters. Usually in dramas, the side characters will get hints of a back story in an episode or two, and then have just one episode dedicated to them. Kim Eun Sook did so much more and in effect, her two parallel worlds became so concrete, with real, moving characters contributing their bit into the two separate forces of Lee Gon and Lee Lim that are about to clash. It creates anticipation, excitement, and spreads your heart out amongst many characters instead of investing your emotions into just the main leads.

 

But aside from the science fiction element, Kim Eun Sook also takes on the task of writing detective fiction into her already robust narrative. Lee Lim is essentially building an army of doppelgangers from the Republic of Korea and planting them in key positions in the Kingdom of Corea. He then takes the dead bodies of these Corean citizens and dumps them in the Republic of Korea, leaving Lt. Jung Tae Eul and her squad in the police force with a trail of unsolved cases. Detective stories are by themselves difficult enough. You begin with a dead body, a search for clues, weeding out which clues are significant, chasing a lead, failing, planting and then ignoring red herrings, closing in on a suspect, interrogation, a surprise turn of events, and so on until the murder is solved.

 

But Lee Lim didn’t leave just one dead body in Korea. There’s an entire army of them and Jung Tae Eul has to be on the trail for some of them in order for her to work with Lee Gon in order to solve them and in turn, help him uncover his uncle’s evil plans.

 

This brings us to one of the major criticisms of this drama – the romance between Lt. Jung Tae Eul and King Lee Gon. Apparently, there’s not much of it as it has taken a backseat to the struggle for power in Corea by the Prime Minister, Lee Lim’s murderous spree and body switching between the two worlds in a bid for a two-world domination, and murder investigations that Jung Tae Eul and her squad must carry out in Korea.

 

Would I like to see more of the actors Lee Min Ho and Kim Go Eun on screen? Why, yes of course! But as early as the 1st episode, it was already apparent that this was not going to be the usual K-drama. They weren’t going to meet cute, fall in love, fight their feelings, work on a murder mystery on the side, finally confess, become a couple, fight the final boss side by side, and then live happily ever after. Fantasy, science fiction, and detective fiction all seem bear equal weight with romance. It was different, and I found that absolutely interesting. And just because romance doesn’t dominate 80% of the story does not mean that the romance is lacking.

 

The first episode tricks you into thinking that there is very little romance in this drama. The lead characters of Lt. Jung Tae Eul and King Lee Gon meeting each other for the first time in the last 6 minutes of an episode that was 1 hour, 12 minutes, and 15 seconds long. What can possibly develop and deepen in 6 minutes? Not much, right?

 

But what happened in the last 6 minutes? Lee Gon rides into Gwanghwamun Square on his white horse after having crossed over from Corea and into the parallel world of Korea. He creates a slight commotion what with his royal handsomeness and almost ethereal white horse. Lt. Jung Tae Eul reprimands him. Lee Gon recognizes her as the woman on the ID card his savior had left behind 25 years ago. And in dramatic fashion, he alights from his horse, walks towards her, stops, and then engulfs her in a tight hug. He tells her, “I’ve finally met you” and the episode ends with a shocked Jung Tae Eul in the arms of an almost reverent Lee Gon.

 

In Kim Eun Sook’s other, wildly popular work, Goblin: The Lonely and Great God the first meeting between Kim Shin and Eun Tak also had that moment of finally finding the one they’ve been searching for. But for the Goblin, his bride’s existence was merely functional, as he needed her so he can finally die in peace. So their first meeting was your typical first meeting in K-dramas. There were no feelings yet, but they develop from there. So the whole drama then became a stage to establish the growth of their relationship that would give him the will to live instead of dreaming of death all the time.

 

But now, in The King: Eternal Monarch, the first meeting isn’t an easy blank canvas.

Lee Gon bursts into the first episode, already halfway in love with Jung Tae Eul long before he’s even met her. As a child, Lee Gon had held on to Jung Tae Eul’s image as his a savior. There is deep gratitude.  As a young orphaned monarch, he held on to the idea of her to ease his loneliness. His first duty as a king was to bury his father and learned to cry only in the privacy of his own room when he was 7 years old. But somewhere out there, there was someone who had cared for enough for him to have saved him. This thought sustained him as he grew up.

 

And at this point in the first episode, we’re working with the idea that time travel hasn’t been introduced yet. Which means we’re treating time as a straight line, allowing Lee Gon and Jong Tae Eul to age at the same time. So if Jong Tae Eul had been 25 years old when Lee Gon was 7 in 1994, then she would be 50 years old and he would be 32 in the present year, 2019.

 

Then, as a man in his 30’s, he still keeps on searching for her. But in his head she is frozen in time as the 29 year old woman in her ID picture, and at this point he might possibly be half in love with her already. And when he finally meets her in the flesh, he had spent nearly all his life loving her in different iterations. Finding out that she hadn’t aged as he thought she would have gives him another possibility of loving her as a man would a woman.

 

Now the audience has to grapple with this idea, that he had loved her for 25 years already, prior to seeing her in the flesh. But then if you add the idea of time travel as hinted at by the 10th episode, then this first meeting becomes heavier. Not only would he have loved her for 25 years, but he also would have loved her for 25 years multiplied by the number of timelines he had crossed as a time traveller.

 

That’s why their first meeting had to happen in the last 6 minutes of the first episode. Everything that happened in that first hour and 6 minutes, all the murders, plotting, collision of worlds, and clash of doppelgangers in the past 25 years had to happen in order to bring Lee Gon and Jung Tae Eul to that fated meeting at Gwanghwamun Square. Kim Eun Sook had played with the idea of destiny with Goblin: The Lonely and Great God’s Kim Shin and Eun Tak. Now she takes the same idea of a fated meeting between two souls, Lee Gon and Jung Tae Eul, and proceeds to tear them apart with time loops, parallel worlds, and a frozen dimension to test how their love can endure all of that.

 

There can be no slow burn; there is no chase that starts with attraction, denial, bickering, jealousy, no you-make-me-worry-so-much love confession that is so often found in K-dramas. The lovers don’t even have that poor girl-rich boy/immortal-mortal or whatever uneven power dynamic that’s so popular in dramas. I guess that's what most people inevitably look for because these things were built to be formulaic.

 

But now you have a writer who is trying to build a bigger, more ambitious story, who is willing to take some risks with that formula in order to tell a love story that can transcend time and universes.  The stakes had to be raised higher, the backdrop made grander, in order to hold a love story as epic as this.   How can this not be romantic enough?

 

There are six more episodes left in this series.  Quarantine has been extended. Give this series a chance.