#created alters

[circulars-reasoning]

I think it’s very important to remind everyone who’s on the pro-tulpa (as a term) side in this anti-tulpa (as a term) discourse recently that it’s not about “fighting against those anti-endos!!”

A lot of the vocal voices in this are pro-endo or unaligned individuals. Many of the voices in this believe in and support endogenic systems. Certainly, a non-zero amount have been in the endogenic community, and have called themselves endogenic before.

This is not a war against the “other side.” This is a discussion about racism within an internet culture that is becoming more popularized and well known within the last two decades.

[trans-axolotl]

also in regards to that last article about varied ways of thinking about psychosis/altered states that don't just align with medical model or carceral psychiatry---I always love sharing about Bethel House and their practices of peer support for schizophrenia that are founded on something called tojisha kenkyu, but I don't see it mentioned as often as things like HVN and Soteria House.

ID: [A colorful digital drawing of a group of people having a meeting inside a house while it snows outside.]

"What really set the stage for tōjisha-kenkyū were two social movements started by those with disabilities. In the 1950s, a new disability movement was burgeoning in Japan, but it wasn’t until the 1970s that those with physical disabilities, such as cerebral palsy, began to advocate for themselves more actively as tōjisha. For those in this movement, their disability is visible. They know where their discomfort comes from, why they are discriminated against, and in what ways they need society to change. Their movement had a clear sense of purpose: make society accommodate the needs of people with disabilities. Around the same time, during the 1970s, a second movement was started by those with mental health issues, such as addiction (particularly alcohol misuse) and schizophrenia. Their disabilities are not always visible. People in this second movement may not have always known they had a disability and, even after they identify their problems, they may remain uncertain about the nature of their disability. Unlike those with physical and visible disabilities, this second group of tōjisha were not always sure how to advocate for themselves as members of society. They didn’t know what they wanted and needed from society. This knowing required new kinds of self-knowledge.

As the story goes, tōjisha-kenkyū emerged in the Japanese fishing town of Urakawa in southern Hokkaido in the early 2000s. It began in the 1980s when locals who had been diagnosed with psychiatric disorders created a peer-support group in a run-down church, which was renamed ‘Bethel House’. The establishment of Bethel House (or just Bethel) was also aided by the maverick psychiatrist Toshiaki Kawamura and an innovative social worker named Ikuyoshi Mukaiyachi. From the start, Bethel embodied the experimental spirit that followed the ‘antipsychiatry’ movement in Japan, which proposed ideas for how psychiatry might be done differently, without relying only on diagnostic manuals and experts. But finding new methods was incredibly difficult and, in the early days of Bethel, both staff and members often struggled with a recurring problem: how is it possible to get beyond traditional psychiatric treatments when someone is still being tormented by their disabling symptoms? Tōjisha-kenkyū was born directly out of a desperate search for answers.

In the early 2000s, one of Bethel’s members with schizophrenia was struggling to understand who he was and why he acted the way he did. This struggle had become urgent after he had set his own home on fire in a fit of anger. In the aftermath, he was overwhelmed and desperate. At his wits’ end about how to help, Mukaiyachi asked him if perhaps he wanted to kenkyū (to ‘study’ or ‘research’) himself so he could understand his problems and find a better way to cope with his illness. Apparently, the term ‘kenkyū’ had an immediate appeal, and others at Bethel began to adopt it, too – especially those with serious mental health problems who were constantly urged to think about (and apologise) for who they were and how they behaved. Instead of being passive ‘patients’ who felt they needed to keep their heads down and be ashamed for acting differently, they could now become active ‘researchers’ of their own ailments. Tōjisha-kenkyū allowed these people to deny labels such as ‘victim’, ‘patient’ or ‘minority’, and to reclaim their agency.

Tōjisha-kenkyū is based on a simple idea. Humans have long shared their troubles so that others can empathise and offer wisdom about how to solve problems. Yet the experience of mental illness is often accompanied by an absence of collective sharing and problem-solving. Mental health issues are treated like shameful secrets that must be hidden, remain unspoken, and dealt with in private. This creates confused and lonely people, who can only be ‘saved’ by the top-down knowledge of expert psychiatrists. Tōjisha-kenkyū simply encourages people to ‘study’ their own problems, and to investigate patterns and solutions in the writing and testimonies of fellow tōjisha.

Self-reflection is at the heart of this practice. Tōjisha-kenkyū incorporates various forms of reflection developed in clinical methods, such as social skills training and cognitive behavioural therapy, but the reflections of a tōjisha don’t begin and end at the individual. Instead, self-reflection is always shared, becoming a form of knowledge that can be communally reflected upon and improved. At Bethel House, members found it liberating that they could define themselves as ‘producers’ of a new form of knowledge, just like the doctors and scientists who diagnosed and studied them in hospital wards. The experiential knowledge of Bethel members now forms the basis of an open and shared public domain of collective knowledge about mental health, one distributed through books, newspaper articles, documentaries and social media.

Tōjisha-kenkyū quickly caught on, making Bethel House a site of pilgrimage for those seeking alternatives to traditional psychiatry. Eventually, a café was opened, public lectures and events were held, and even merchandise (including T-shirts depicting members’ hallucinations) was sold to help support the project. Bethel won further fame when their ‘Hallucination and Delusion Grand Prix’ was aired on national television in Japan. At these events, people in Urakawa are invited to listen and laugh alongside Bethel members who share stories of their hallucinations and delusions. Afterwards, the audience votes to decide who should win first prize for the most hilarious or moving account. One previous winner told a story about a failed journey into the mountains to ride a UFO and ‘save the world’ (it failed because other Bethel members convinced him he needed a licence to ride a UFO, which he didn’t have). Another winner told a story about living in a public restroom at a train station for four days to respect the orders of an auditory hallucination. Tōjisha-kenkyū received further interest, in and outside Japan, when the American anthropologist Karen Nakamura wrote A Disability of the Soul: An Ethnography of Schizophrenia and Mental Illness in Contemporary Japan (2013), a detailed and moving account of life at Bethel House. "

-Japan's Radical Alternative to Psychiatric Diagnosis by Satsuki Ayaya and Junko Kitanaka

[agirlwithglam]

creating a new identity:

aka; how to build an alter ego / how to create the new you / creating your higher self / create a new version of yourself

this is a guide for people who want to change their life around, and most importantly, change themselves (because obvi to change your life, you must first change yourself first). oki lets get started!!

3 reasons why you want to change:

first of all name at least 3 reasons WHY you want to create a new identity. some reasons could include:

wanting to get better at school/ higher grades

becoming more social

more stronger

more disciplined

becoming better at something (ex a language, instrument)

if you don't have your 3 reasons on why you want to create a new you, then your desire is probably not strong enough and you won't be able to stay consistent in it.

create the new you:

give it a name! (you can do this at any point tbh so not really important atm)

choose and decide the aspects of your new identity: (how they think, act, behave, feel. what their hobbies are, their habits, what type of person they are, how they treat others and themselves, etc etc)

write down these aspects in your notes app, notion, blog, docs, (wherever you want to). you don't have to go in full detail but just write everything that you need for this new identity so that if you forget or need to be reminded, you can just check that.* *reminder that you can create more than 1 identity/ alter ego! so for example you may have one thats for workouts/ sports, one thats for studying, one thats for socialising, etc. this means that you don't necessarily need to write other hobbies for an alter ego that is made for working out. you just need to write whats important to that specific identity.

once you've done all this, theres nothing left but to just BECOME. stop over planning and procrastinating, step into the energy of this new version of yourself. channel the energy and enjoy your life!

tips:

take inspiration from people in real life! this can be celebrities, anyone you've met and admired, movie/ tv show characters (for me; rory gilmore, elle woods, gina linetti), book characters, etc. you don't have to create a new alter ego from scratch, you can just adopt energy of a person that has already been created/ exists.

a signature something. give this new identity a signature scent, outfit, accessory, etc. anything just to give it a bit of a touch/ cherry on top <3

Xoxo, Vanilla

[mewmewdoppio]

Some stuff for my 'human' bill design

[manchesterau]

#bessica4ever

[snackugaki]

one orrrr

two?

[sesamenom]

"Dads, I threw up"

inspired by this post by @thesummerestsolstice

[aelisinsims]

one of torneskär's resorts, this one on the smaller side (and still a work in progress, out of view there's a huge back yard with a beach that i have plans for). i'm excited to show you more of this area soon as i plan on building saunas, an open-air bath house, and a spa resort nearby

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts 2 - Nobodies

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Halloween prompts no. 31 (part 3)

Love potion au (refer to no 22) where Danny makes the love potion but makes it in a cauldron in a hidden place in Gotham City. He follows all Osha rules and regulations and keeps a grate over the cauldron at all times. He figures a sign saying "love potion" would tempt people to steal some for themselves, so in the unlikely event someone else does find this place and the potion he labeled it as "Dangerous chemicals: do not touch" and went about his plans to be a Disney princess for a day.

Unfortunately for him, and all of Gotham, Joker found the place, took one look at the sign and cauldron and said, "Dangerous unknown chemicals with mystery effect left completely unguarded? It must be my birthday!" And proceeds to dump the cauldron into the cities water supply and every water source he and his cronies could think of, thus spiking most of Gotham City.

Since Danny had used his hair from both of his forms for the potion, people would instantly fall head over heels for him at first sight and go gaga for him. A fact Danny did not like.

Half the batfam was contaminated in one way or another and were going into full blown brawls over him. Danny just keeps trying to escape without letting anyone see his powers. If this world was full of superheros and stuff than certainly someone knew magic right?

Right?

----

Danny: *slaps coffee out of Tim's hands*

Tim: *greiving* W-why? This is the cruelest thing anyones ever done to me.

Jason:

Jason: You sure about that?

Tim: Even you're not this bad

Danny: I promise I'll buy you another one that not poisoned-

Tim and Jason: What?!

Danny: Well, spiked. But-

Tim: Hold on you're going to need to explain!

Danny: No time. You Waynes have connections with the bats right? Can you call one that hasn't drank anything from the cities water supply within the last two hours.

Plot twist: they realize they are the only ones who haven't and they can't switch out of thier civilian clothes unless they can ditch the scared kid. They can't seem to shake him as he's determined to protect them...also he's scared of the crazy people outside.

They have to save the city as Tim Drake and Jason Todd.

[shitty-proendo-blackout-posts]

Anonymous asked: i keep seeing so many ants around here

REAL REAL REAL !!! !!!

[circulars-reasoning]

If I recall correctly, you said you had created alters, right? If so, I was wondering how it happened and how they're doing right now. I'm trying to do a bit of research on it to help out a specific alter in our system, but to no avail. We're trying to do this as safely as possible.

Right now, they’re doing well, but when they first formed, it was horrific for them and us. Trauma was… not great! I think it might be time to expand on their stories actually. Too many people in syscourse assume they know things about my alters, and the last time I opened up about them, folks came into my inbox to tell me I was wrong about my experiences.

Tw for suicidal ideation, harassment, depression, and alter death.

Debra:

She was our first created alter, and the one we actually consciously purposefully created. In terms of us having a created alter, she’s probably the one who counts — LED’s experience is closer to a regular traumatic split, but I’ll get to him later.

Context for this time of my life: We were in high school. We had never heard of DID, we were being actively abused on two fronts (parental abuse and COCSA), and the only people who we felt understood us were folks much older than me online who I talked to on a daily basis. I thought my alters were just imaginary friends to represent my emotions. The voices I heard were just my emotions and feelings, very loudly, and I was imagining those emotions as people — like Inside Out!! And this was normal, my peer abuser told me. Yay! (Oof.)

Wade was our main fronter at home. He held onto a lot of our depression and dealt with the brunt of the current abuse from our parents. He was also dealing with gender issues and just generally was struggling. We started getting more and more suicidal and depressed, and our systems only way of handling that emotion was repression (via Numb’s emotional blocking or Sierra’s toxic optimism).

Finally, one night, Wade got the closest he ever got to self harm. It was nothing, really - the mark of it was gone within an hour - but it panicked him, and he reached out to our friend at the time.

This friend comforted him and told him that he needed to manage his depression somehow. We knew we couldn’t get therapy, so he suggested something he’d heard of before, about parts therapy. AKA, IFS. “Your depression is a part of you. What you need to do is talk to it. Imagine a person; someone who is all of those depressing thoughts. And talk to that person; why do they treat you that way?”

Those aren’t direct quotes. In all actuality, all of this is so blurry. I was so fucked up and stressed, it’s not hard to know I split. But the thing is, Debra’s split was entirely different than any other split I’ve had. All of my other alters, it was… one second they’re not there, the next they are.

Debra didn’t do that. When Wade imagined someone to talk to, it wasn’t in our innerworld. It was in a different space, where we imagine our thoughts happening. Deb was entirely imaginary, and she seemed to say things as I thought them. Each negative thought I had was suddenly her saying them. (Sometimes, it seemed almost as if she would say the thought before I had it.) For every night for a week, they talked — though, it was more Debra talking and us listening and feeling worse about ourselves.

That first conversation, I remember Wade feeling better — empty, but not suicidal. After imagining Debra for that first time, Wade only felt non-suicidal if she was talking to him. Sometimes that didn’t even help, because really, she was just imagined — we were planning her thoughts. Until, suddenly, we weren’t anymore.

Side note: Deb is the first marked hallucination we have had. We were walking home from the bus stop, which was always inherently dissociative for us, and we looked over at our house. Out of the corner of our eyes, we saw Deb, floating around the cars parked on the road. We panicked at that, but a second later, she was gone. We believed magic was real for a solid day after that, and that our imagination was coming to real life.

After that week, Debra was autonomous. She started to slip out of the void and into our innerworld. She started to harass Wade in a living hell 24/7, instead of from 11pm to whenever Wade finally passed out at night. And she hated a lot of us. She expressed that we should all kill ourselves so she could take over, because she was so much better than the rest of us. It was around this time that Wade made his trauma room in our innerworld and ceased fronting as often.

It only ended when Numb, fed up with her and panicked from even him feeling the suicidal ideation, killed her. Protector killing the persecutor, how classic. He crushed her to death innerworld.

Deb didn’t make a reappearance until college, when she emerged from dormancy. But in the meantime, there are two blank years of my life after we killed Debra. I have so few memories from those years, I could count them on my hands. Clearly, killing her destabilized us, but if we hadn’t, I have no doubt I wouldn’t be alive today. She was succeeding in her goals, and it sounded logical to us at the time. We’ve worked hard to make peace with what happened.

LED:

College. We’re now self dx’d as having DID. We’re no longer around our peer abuser, and in fact had ‘broken up’ with her after she ‘crossed a line’. I was now an hour away from my parents (though I had to call them each night and drive home each weekend). I was living with my then-roommate-now-fiancé and I was best friends with the only person in my life who knew I had DID, who lived in a different dorm. We were convinced Rice was a host by people online, and we were in pro-endo spaces (though had yet to strongly participate in syscoruse spaces).

Deb came back. At the time, I was in a nice Singlet Era Lite(tm) — aka, Rice fronted almost constantly, until she would collapse and meltdown and then we would rapid switch for the next few days, only for Rice to power back to front. It was unstable, unhealthy, and an incredible burden on Rice (one she is still recovering from to this day). Until, one night (at 3am), Rice was on the verge of a mental collapse again. She was down on herself, convinced she was a failure.

And then Deb was there, telling her she was, telling her how worthless she was, and altogether making everything harder.

That summer, Deb would take to harassing Rice, in particular. We had a flawed idea from the systems we spoke to that Rice was the “original core identity” and that the goal of DID healing was to integrate* those identities into one. She wanted Rice to feel out of control, so Deb could take over as host. If she could just become the original identity somehow, then we could fuse and just be perfect like her.

The best way she could think to make Rice no longer be in control? Make Rice split. Force a split, make Rice create someone, just like how we’d made Deb, and make Rice realize she was pathetic.

So, the nightly torture began. No sleep until 3am most nights, passive influence of suicidal ideation, near constant whispering about our mistakes. And, long story short, one night it worked.

Rice finally had enough, and completely went dormant in her room. And, in her place, was LED. Not visualized like Deb had been, but planned by Deb, and made specifically to counteract her. Debra is a being of darkness and shadow; LED’s name is literally Light Emitting Diode. Debra is an ageless demon; LED is a 10 year old ray of sunshine.

Only… Debra came for him, said hello, and. Well. LED took one look at her, screamed so loud I thought it happened in real life, and shattered. Broke apart into a million pieces and went immediately dormant.

This shocked Debra enough to actually break through to her at least. Damage was done, though. A new split and two dormancies in one night. Deb retreated from the front and left everyone else to clean up the mess while she watched. Rice remained dormant for a few months, and would only come back for, at most, a few hours at a time before having a breakdown and leaving for, usually, around a half a year. LED didn’t come back for almost a year after that. Debra had a “come to Jesus” talk with our friend who was in the know, and she started helping out some.

Now:

They get along really well! It’s been years and years since those incidents. Deb feels guilt for what she did back then, but everyone’s forgiven her — LED being one of the first. He actually apologized to her for being scared. Goddamn sweet guy.

Both of them have adapted to the system, but needed time to adjust. LED adjusted in dormancy, whereas Debra had to adjust after she returned from dormancy. It was… incredibly unstable for us after Debra’s creation. Our therapist cites that as part of the risk of IFS with DID systems, and how it can lead to increase dissociative barriers. It did for us.

We call both created, because there was purpose behind their splits. Debra was imagined consciously, purposefully, to hold trauma. LED was purposefully made (even if unplanned, visually and personality wise) to make Rice feel worthless (and instead made her feel stronger… after a year or so). We also distinctly call both of them created traumagenic alters.

Whew. That was a long one. I’m gonna to rest after that…

[alter-soup]

any alter, literally any alter, you can do whatever. all up to the creator

Name(s): Allie, Jasper, all winter related names

Pronouns: he/him, they/them

Suggested neopronouns: ae/aer, zii/ziir, all animal related neopronouns, all city related neopronouns, all winter related neopronouns

Gender(s): transneutral ftm

Suggested xenogenders: genderfrio, aubrionean, etheangi, darkcitycoric, phoscitial (definition in comments), wiemasc, Winterfrost, aeternix, axenlector

Orientation: “i don’t give a fuck” (unlabeled)

Age: 16

Species: human

Source(s): brainmade

Role(s): chronokinesian

Personality traits/details: bossy, straightforward, gentle. calm at first, but gets extremely energetic when you get to know them. they like to make art (all forms), especially in headspace, and uses it as an a coping mechanism for the system to ‘escape’, he’s mostly pretty chill, and a real cool guy to hangout with

Likes: winter, all forms of art (especially music and drawing), reading, Hollyberry

Dislikes: strong heats, bugs (even butterflies. Lol), being alone in the dark, loud and sudden noises

Sign-off: -🎸❄️

Extra!: has a typing quirk (spaces out punctuation (ex: “hi !”, “you ‘ re weird .”, “are you sure about that , sir ?”)), lead guitarist for a band in headspace

Appearance(s)/faceclaim(s): 

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Jack au where he's a psychic who can commune with ghosts. Almost every major character from Supernatural is a ghost. Including Sam Dean and Cas. This would serve these major tennants of his relationships:

Isolated. The people Jack spends the majority of his time with are NOT part of the normal world. Sam, Dean, Cas and Mary live in a bunker and don't know how to be people. The AU hunters are literally from another world. His mom is dead. Kaia is split between realms. The only Real people he knows well are his young adult nerd friends and arguably Harper. You don't want 1/4 of your tie to reality to be a witch who wants to be Cheryl Blossom from Riverdale as her life's aspiration. That's no way to live!

Intangible. Because of Jack's immense power, he is, in a sense, untouchable. He is stopped when people hug him or push him or shoot him because he chooses to stop. There is a veil between him and them. There is also a scarcity of common ground. There is nothing else out there like him. Dean might stomp and bark and howl but, ultimately, what can he do to Jack physically? Nothing. The only power the ghosts have is emotional and social. Imagine being outcasted by the ghosts who can only see you and each other. Ouch!

Fleeting. Everyone he cares for is doomed to die. This happens even before he's born with Cas and Kelly and Mary, but also throughout his life. He both has long strings of tragedy in short periods AND he's immortal and worries about it. Loss and loniness are inevitable for him on a massive scale. Cas might claim that he'll be there with him but he dies like twice a year at least. Picture ghost!Cas midway through a reassuring speech that he's always going to be there with him fading out into the veil mid-sentence.

Guilt-ridden. Life is wasted on the living, isn't it? Youth is wasted on the young. He's got dozens of ghosts needing him to live in the way they want him to so they can feel alive again, and he's not capable of being that (literal) lifeline. He needs to learn how to say no and stick to it. He needs to learn how to live with the fact that he has to disappoint people to live well sometimes. He has to engage with the living, because the dead are going to kill him if he hangs on to them too long.

So if someone could write this devestating yet beautiful 25k+ fic for me that'd be really swell.

[splattergai]

Hi! could ya do a Minecraft based sentispace? ty! — 🔮🌙

Minecraft Based Sentispace!

[ PT: Minecraft Based Sentispace! /end PT ]

Note: May not form exactly as described. Anything can be changed to fit your system.

Dividers by @/finnegancosmos [ Tumblr ] All Screenshots taken by us (Using Mizunos 16 craft + Complimentary shaders)

Name(s): Mud, Creeper, Birch, Cliff, Potato

System: Sentispace

Age: Immortal

Pronouns: dirt/dirts, mine/mines, oak/oaks, tree/trees, forest/forests, sun/flower, grass/grass', field/fields, 20/20s (minecraft aptnoun)

Gender: Minecraftgender, minetulipgender, enchantmentgender, overworldthing, dirtcraftgender

Attraction: Omniaspec

Description: While generally a very quiet and passive innerworld, will sometimes change the weather to be ever so slightly inconvenient for headmates (ex. changes the weather to be cloudy and rainy when someone says 'what a beautiful day it is outside'). Appreciates all builds done on 20s grounds, and will spawn materials for headmates to build with if they ask.

[musicalmoritz]

One underrated perk of being a multishipper is that I get to take ships I usually interpret as romantic and explore different possible dynamics with them. This is most fun with canon relationships, because I love to imagine that even if they weren’t together romantically, they’d still be important to each other in a platonic sense. I definitely have some pairings that I can’t see as anything other than romantic, so if I’m writing a different ship with one of the characters I’ll usually include the main ship as a one-sided thing. But I have a special place in my heart for pairings that work well both platonically and romantically. Even if they weren’t in love, they’d still be supporting and rooting for each other