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wangxianficfinder · 1 month

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I'm in the mood for...

Aug 13th

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1. Any wangxian fanfics with straight wei wuxian having a sexuality crisis over lan wangji?

ao3 has been erroring out for me when I try to get to my bookmarks , maybe because I have so many? but for #1 , there is a tag "straight boy wei ying" /"Wei wuxian in denial about sexuality" that will give great fics. when I can get to my bookmarks I'll add my faves

show me how you do that trick by ilip13 (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern Setting Porn with Feelings, The Porn Is the Plot, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, straight boy wwx, with an aspec twist, Sexuality Crisis, Voyeurism, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Masturbation, Anal Sex, Switching, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, Slow Burn, Except for the sex that part is on fire soooo fast, sexuality realization, Feelings Realization, Happy Ending)

The Cause Of This Fair Gift In Me Is Wanting by Alliandra (E, 47k, WangXian, LQY/QS, Modern AU, High School, College/University, Time Skips, Slow Burn, Pining, LWJ POV, LWJ Fucks, WWX dates, "Straight Boy" WWX, Homophobia, Non-Graphic Violence, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Reference, d Suicide, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Overstimulation, Light Bondage, Blow Jobs, Masturbation, Getting Together, Ableist Language, WWX Has ADHD, Autistic LWJ, Queer Themes)

I search myself (I want you to find me) by ilip13 (E, 22k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fluff and Smut, The Porn Is the Plot, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Self-Discovery, Adolescent Sexuality, Slight Gender Feels, Masturbation, Fantasizing, Voyeurism, (sort of), Exhibitionism, (also sort of), Lingerie, Explicit Het Content)

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2. Hi! Do you have any fic recs for fic where wwx come back as someone else other than mxy? I remember seeing one where he ends up as Qin Su @fysmiin

You still sound like a song by Moominmammashandbag (M, 64k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Ghost!WWX, Mystery, LWJ plays inquiry, AU from after the Wens came to Lotus Pier, Most people lived, not everybody died, Angst with a Happy Ending, river spirit!WWX, Angst and Feels, description of murder, imminent smut, Execution, Dogs, Poisons, Discussion of Attempted Murder, BAMF WWX, Family Feels)

To Deserve So Much More by renysen (T, 19k, wangxian, getting together, one big happy family, no angst, getting engaged, family feels, female bodied WWX) ofc summons wwx to defend her family's besieged manor.

🔒Femme Fatale by coffeepie (E, 76k, WIP, WWX/WC, WWX/WRH, WWX/WZL, WWX/JGS, Porn, Smut, Possession, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Penis In Vagina Sex, Anal Sex, Masturbation, Aphrodisiacs, Rough Sex, Minor WangXian, Canon Divergence, Oral Sex, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Strangulation, Object Insertion, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Blood and Injury, Somnophilia, Belly Bulge) WIP. wwx wakes up in wlj's body before the sunshot campaign. cw lots of sex with wc.

the problem with authority by isabilightwood (M, 139k, wangxian, qingli, Canon Divergence, Sacrifice Summon, slightly dark!JYL, wq lives because i said so, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Mild Sexual Content, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, manipulative relationship (background xiyao)) qs summoning jyl-centric but includes someone else summoning wwx as well

patching the road with vague intentions by loosingletters (T, 39k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Humor, Developing Friendships, WWX Resurrected By Others, Trans WWX, Case Fic, POV WWX, POV LQR, Family, Good Uncle LQR, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, MXY Lives) WIP. ofc lwj was arranged to marry after wwx's death summons wwx. lwj hasn't appeared yet.

The Housewife's Guide to Causing Chaos by dvasva (M, 127k, WIP, WangXian, Canon-Typical Violence, Functionally Trans Character, Mild Sexual Content, Domestic Fluff, Love Confessions, Transphobia, Good Parents LWJ and WWX, Pining, WWX is a Tease, Grief/Mourning, Body Dysphoria, Fake Marriage, Canonical Character Death, Misunderstandings, Doting LWJ, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, WWX is not in MXY's body, Misgendering, Mild Angst, Assumptions, Comedic Elements, non-sexual nudity, Blood, Discussion of Various Bodily Functions, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, 4 years of mourning instead of 13, Méishān Yú Sect, POV Multiple, Corporal Punishment, Trans WWX, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, pregnancy mention, Timeline What Timeline, Sexual Harassment Threats) WIP. ofc lwj was arranged to marry after wwx's death summons wwx. wangxian starts early.

Friends, Sabers, and Other Essentials for Solving a Conspiracy by MeridianGrimm (T, 50k, NHS & WWX, LWJ & NHS, WangXian, Humor, Friendship, Love, Mystery, Canon Divergence, Smart NHS, WWX doesn't stay dead, LWJ gets a new friend, Happy Ending, Fix-It, To be clear the WangXian is mostly background, This fic is about friendship) NHS does a modified summoning

Karma's a Bitch (It's Me, I'm The Bitch) by loosingletters (T, 8k, SS & OC, WWX & OC, Minor Character Death, Canon Divergence, Suicidal Thoughts, Resurrection, Moling Su Sect, Cultivation Sect Politics, Body Dysphoria, WWX is NOT in MXY's Body, Unreliable Narrator, Assassination) Su sect oc summons wwx.

❤️ Beauty and the Boot by PTchan (T, 44k, wangxian, summoned by f!oc, Canon Divergence, Romantic Comedy, Genderbending, Denial, Fem!WWX, WangXian kids, Crack-ish, WIP) seemingly-abandoned WIP. OFC summons wwx.

So You Want to Start a War by JaenysBloodcourt (T, 41k, WIP, MY/QS, MY/WWX, WangXian, Reincarnation, Half-Sibling Incest Mention!, QS does the ritual instead of MXY, WWX as a woman, MY Is His Own Warning, Canon Divergence, Impersonation, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Please check the notes before reading a chapter, Timeline What Timeline, WWX Has PTSD) WIP. qs summons wwx.

sweet hay and the flowers rising by Shializaro (T, 4k, WangXian, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mentions of Violence, Alcohol, Humor) qs summons wwx.

Crowded by nirejseki (G, 1k, NHS & WWX, wangxian, LWJ/NHS/WWX, canon divergence, different body offering ritual, atypical relationship dynamics, sentient sabers) NHS does a modified summoning (short fic)

❤️ The Book’s Cover by Eudoxia (E, 50k, wangxian, canon divergence, WWX not in MXY’s body, canon retelling, humor, demisexual LWJ, genderqueer WWX, smut) OFC summons WWX. this is probably my favorite one of all these.

Everyanything by deliciousblizzardshark, lingeringdust (E, 46k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Franken-canon, Gender Identity, Gender Dysphoria, Trans WWX, Protective LWJ, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Canon-Typical Misogyny, Fluff and Angst, Vaginal Sex, Canon-Typical Major Character Death) Qin Su summons WWX.

Chapter 1-23 of The Tales of Despereaux by stiltonbasket (T, 36k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, (when applicable)) Chapters 1-23 are "What if Qin Su summoned Wei Wuxian?" A prologue is linked in the author's note.

Wei Wuxian keeps / gets his OG body / Resurrected by someone other than MXY Comp

Five People Who Never Summoned Wei Wuxian by EHyde (G, 3k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, 5+1 Things, Angst, [Podfic] Five People Who Never Summoned Wei Wuxian by sisi_rambles)

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3. Hey! I have only once asked for a fic before but this is for a Itmf , can you recommend any dark lwj fic? Not just after wwx’s death but lwj protecting wwx or joining him in demonic cultivation, even better if wwx runs yiling wei sect^-^

A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 84k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, graphic depictions of violence, underage, LWJ pov, JC pov, dark LWJ, manipulation, grooming, teen body adult mind for LWJ, happy ending for wangxian, problematic consensual underage sex, blood & violence, insane LWJ, manic LWJ)

🔒 Flawed and Free by Vrishchika (E, 18k, wangxian, major character death, time travel fix-it, dark LWJ, dark LXC, dark gusu lan, temporary character death, not JC friendly, angst, hurt/comfort, WIP)

🔒 At heart by apathyinreverie (M, 36k, WangXian, WIP, Dark LWJ(Ish), Amnesia, WWX gets to be Not Okay after the BM, Hurt WWX, Recovery, Caring, Protective LWJ, Possessive LWJ, some definite manipulation, but not everything is as it seems, not nearly as dark as the tags make it sound, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Revea, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, kind of, Domestic WangXian, Fluff, WWX Goes to Gusu, Possessive WWX, WWX happily atticwifing away, Sunshot Campaign, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ)

Until The World Embraces Me Home by azri (T, 5k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, YLLZ LWJ, LWJ Has No Golden Core, Role Reversal, Not LXC Friendly, Not JC Friendly, Not cultivation world friendly overall tbh, Sunshot Campaign, Friends to Lovers, Temporary Character Death, WangXian Get a Happy Ending)

Corrupted Core by The_Gourmet_Gamer (M, 16k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Grief/Mourning, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Sad with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds)

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4. Hello 👋

I'm in the mood for Twitter wangxian fic threads,i don't mind it if it's modern or not, but I don't like bottomji or switch wangxian

You might enjoy our Twitter comp

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5. Hello! Thanks for your work. Are there any Wangxian fics set at the Olympics? @chalionkat (previous ask moved to FF - mod C)

Our Sports AU Compilation has a Olympics au section you can check out 😊

and so my heart beats wildly by lily_winterwood (E, 106k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, Modern Cultivation, Rivalry, Competition, Competition-Set Fic, Athletes, Multimedia, Miscommunication, frenemies to lovers, Rivals to Lovers, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Seemingly One-sided But Actually Mutual Pining, Oblivious WWX, Competitive Cultivation, Anal Sex, First Time, Angst with a Happy Ending, Olympics, Inappropriate use of an Olympic gold medal, Breathplay, Rough Sex, Food Porn, Tanabata, Lily’s back on her Qixi bullshit, Switching, Bottom LWJ) this has cultivation Olympics

🔒 Dance Me to the End by venagrey (E, 35k, WangXian, Modern, Skating, 2021-2022 Figure Skating Season, No Pandemic, teammates to friends to lovers, Eventual Smut, mixed signals: on ice, Oblivious WWX, Bisexual WWX, mortifying ordeal of being known, slightly nonlinear timeline, Unreliable Narrator, gratuitous descriptions of skating, first time nudes, Accidental Phone Sex, WWX is Very Flexible, YOI homage, not actually a crossover, IRL skating homage, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, a little gnc for added zest, inappropriate use of medals, Rimming, Winter Olympics)

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6. Hi! This is for ITMF where WWX is a king maker/advisor/spy master or something like Foot on the brakes, screaming there's a red light by Lookingkindofdumb or Copying Scriptures by chiyukimei

Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

🔒 Half Agony, Half Hope by queenklu (T, 105k, WangXian, LXC/JGY, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, LXC/NMJ, Jane Austen Fusion, persuasion au, Pining, Broken Engagement, Secrets, Espionage, Child Injury, Terrible Parents (YZY & JFM), Past Child Neglect) maybe? Wei Ying was a spy during the war.

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7. Hello!!. i need need need to know if theres any more fics like A Street Kid Named Wuxian where wwx isnt adopted by any sect and just grows up on the strrets/ poor or an orphan @yesibest

A Thousand Things by tickertape (M, 108k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiāngs, Developing Friendships, lots of OCs, miscommunication and misunderstandings (they’re idiots your honor), Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Slow Burn) fits but Wei Ying lived in Yiling until he's around 17 and then gets invited to train with the Lans for a year. It doesn't go into a lot detail about his life on the streets but he is poor throughout his childhood and into his teens.

Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending) link in #14 Not sure if this fits as while WWX does grow up on the streets without being adopted into a sect, it's down to time travel, with his soul being sent back to his child body, so he has knowledge of the future & cultivation, so he gets to cheat a little & be more than a normal street kid

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8. Hello, I was wondering if you and the lovely community could help me find selkie-style creature fics? In myth, a selkie is a seal creature who can shed its fur and walk on land as a human. Whoever holds the fur has control over the selkie because they cannot transform back without it. So I am looking for similar themes in WangXian fics! I just read Burn It All Down by nekojita which suggested this would happen with Jiang Cheng holding one of Wei Wuxian’s dragon scales, but the wip hasn’t been updated to finish that portion of the story! So I come to you, looking for more “I control you as long as I hold this part of you captive” stories. Thank you for any recs you can suggest! <3

never love an anchor by tardigradeschool (T, 31k, WangXian, Selkies, No Powers, Historical, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Pining, Angst, Happy Ending, The Inherent Eroticism of the Sea, PTSD, Presumed Dead, Drowning)

💙 this river runs to you by sundiscus (T, 53k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mutual Pining, Dragons, Literal Sleeping Together, Tender wound tending) this might work? It has Dragon!LWJ whose dragon is missing. While no one actually uses it to control him in the story, the possibility that someone could is a major driver of the plot.

Lanterns To Guide You Home by cuttlefeeeeeeeeesh (T, 7k, WangXian, Mutual Pining, Mythology, Selkie AU, Fisherman LWJ, Selkie WWX, Sorta Established Relationship, Fluff, Soft (tm)) might like Lanterns to Guide You Home? It's a bit of a twist on the selkie trope, being less about captivity and more about wangxian reuniting/mutually pining years after being married, but I think it would still appeal to a reader who likes selkie stories. And it's a lovely fic!

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9. Hi! For the ITMF, I was wondering if there are any fics where WWX knows a bit more about MXY when he wakes up in his body? By viewing MXYs memories maybe, or something like that? Just, I want him to be able to act like MXY better and understand his situation better. Is there anything like that? Thanks in advance! @hikato-chan

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10. Hi! This is for ITMF. Is there a fic where WWX tells JYL (or someone else really) that he trust LWJ but not his clan/sect? Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

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11. ITMF a fic that takes place during the Cloud Recesses study arc, in the scene where WWX gets LWJ drunk. Something goes different: a kiss? A love confession? A fist fight? @luliaka

Cartwheels In Cloud Recesses Series by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 23k, WangXian, CSSR/WCZ, CSSR and WCZ Live, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans)

You Are My Euphoria by orphan_account (M, 17k, wangxian, canon divergence, fluff, making out, 5+1, pining)

it’s just (aah) a little crush (crush!) by sweetlolixo (T, 9k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Romance, Fluff, Pining LWJ, Humor, Courting Rituals, Teen Wangxian)

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12. itmf some concubine wwx, following canon as mich as possible? something along the lines of the concubine mo series by enigmatree

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13. Itmf:

A) some wwx realizing that he's been abused as a child (for example: Madame Yu) and having to accept that actually the adults in his life kind of suck (no Jiang Yanli bashing pls ♡)

B) wwx being raped and his recovery

Thank you 💕

13A)

🔒💙 Holding shreds by barisan (T, 5k, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, No Sunshot Campaign, Body Swap, Not for sexy shenanigans, Chronic Pain, Hurt WWX, Hurt LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abusive YZY, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, Good Uncle LQR, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Inaccuracies, POV WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jiāng Family Bashing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Getting Together, Smart WWX)

🔒 in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie (cl410) (T, 56k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, Cloud Recesses, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Developing Relationship, POV LWJ, Minor Injuries, Autistic LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aka the Madam Yu warning, Genius WWX, Light Angst And Hurt/Comfort, WWX Protection Squad, Gusu Lan Sect, Slow Burn, Protective LWJ, LWJ-centric)

🔒 Warming up (to him) by barisan (T, 9k, LQR & WWX, WangXian, Hypothermia, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Temporary Character Death, Medical Inaccuracies, YZY Abuses WWX, JFM Bashing, pre-wangxian, Good Uncle LQR, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort)

so i cut the shackles and changed my name by MichelleFeather (T, 9k, WangXian, LQR & LWJ, LQR & CSSR, LQR & WWX, CSSR/WCZ, WWX & The Lan Clan, WIP, WWX Leaves the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, WWX is a Lan, Good Uncle LQR, Supportive LQR, Protective LQR, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, JFM & YZY Bashing, Jiang Family Bashing, Abusive Jiang Family, Running Away, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Hurt WWX, Genius WWX, No Sunshot Campaign, Gusu Lan Sect Rules, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cultivation Sect Politics, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Canon Divergence, Protective Gusu Lan Sect, WRH isn't a power hungry tyrant, mostly)

Just go forward like you mean it by tawaen (M, 101k, WangXian, WWX & WN &WQ, WWX & JYL, NHS & WWX, Canon Divergence, WWx does not attend the Wen indoctrination, WWX saves Lotus Pier, Inventor WWX, No Golden Core Transfer, Sect Leader JYL, JC Has No Golden Core, Bad Parents JFM & YZY, Not JC Friendly, but he gets a happier ending than canon so don't look here for bashing) WWX gets frustrated with how unconcerned JFM is regarding the Wens & ends up leaving. Features sect leader JYL

Dispersing Clouds by dreamingofcake (E, 283k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Abusive YZY, Canonical Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (Background Character), Background Character Deaths, child deaths, Canon JC, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Cultivation Sect Politics, Homophobia, Heteronormativity, Feelings Realization, WWX is Not Oblivious) WWX realises he's been poorly treated by the Jiangs & defects. However it could be seen as JYL bashing depending on how you define bashing. She does ignore her family's treatment of WWX & later tries to stop his wedding to LWJ, but she's portrayed as meaning well & just wanting to avoid conflict, & believing she is saving him from a forced marriage. Up to you whether that counts as bashing

13B)

🧡 Heaven Has No Rage by flipfloppandas (M, 51k, WWX & YZY, JFM/YZY, implied wangxian, WWX/WC, WWX/others, rape/non-con, modern, hurt/comfort, protective YZY, good parent YZY, hospitals, medical procedures, vomiting, trauma) focuses more on the immediate aftermath Wei Ying being raped but does touch on the beginnings of his recovery.

feast and famine by luckymarrow (E, 49k, wangxian, rape/non-con, aftermath of gang rape, modern au, trauma, PTSD, medical procedures, rape recovery, non-consensual drug use, hurt/comfort, angst w/ happy ending, mind all the tags) Rape/recovery and the ripples across the friend group. JYL is the glue that holds everyone together. It's a gut-wrenching, amazeballs fic.

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14. Hii, I'm itmf some good coming of age fanfics!

🔒 Flowers Blooming by Ilona22 (M, 35k, WangXian, Adoption, Prostitution, Family Fluff, Family Drama, Growing Up)

A Life Without Regrets by naqaashi (M, 128k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Crack Treated Seriously, musical cultivation, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Murder Husbands, Happy Ending, PTSD, BAMF WWX, Cultivation Sect Politics, Worldbuilding, Módào Zǔshī & The Untamed Combination, No Yīn Iron, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Artist WWX, Musician WWX, Bad Parent JFM, Bad Parent YZY, Cultivation Theory, Sentient Burial Mounds, Dysfunctional Family, Grief/Mourning, Parent-Child Relationship, Angry WWX, Angst, No Golden Core Transfer, BAMF LWJ, Idiots in Love)

🔒 Life is Like a Stranger by through_shadows_falling (T, 69k, wangxian, Kid Fic, Child LWJ, Child WWX, First Meetings, Canon Divergence, Cute Kids, Orphan WWX, Autism Spectrum, Fix-It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Canon, POV LWJ, Growing Up Together, WWX raised at Cloud Recesses, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Puberty, Growing Up, Coming Out, teenage angst, Wet Dream, Pining, This fic gets a little raunchier as the kids become teens, But it won’t get too explicit, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Spanish Translation, Brief mentions/moments of WWX kissing others in chapter 22 but only on the cheek, also characters kiss WWX on the cheek in chapter 23, but his real first kiss is with LWJ, Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian)

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15. Hey!!

So i was wondering if there are any fics where wangxian have a cute little couple’s argument..they make up in the end obv, i don’t really prefer heavy angst. Just a normal couple’s argument. @honestlyewww

tipping point by cherrywhiskey (M, 13k, WangXian, Established Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Married Couple, Married Life, Bickering, Idiots in Love, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Fights, Arguing, Making Up, Angry Kissing, Making Out, Modern AU, POV Alternating, Fighting)

you became my husband when i first laid my eyes on you by bunnylan (weiyingpretty) (G, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Modern Era, Fluff, Boyfriends, Cute, Tik Tok Challenge, Husbands, Established Relationship)

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16. IMTF wangxian or any one of the two as (a) lawyers (b) teachers trying to hide their relationship from students (c) scientists (biologist, physicist, etc.) any kind

Thank you <3

16A)

🔒 a thousand fragile and unprovable things by theLoyalRoyalGuard (G, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Trans Male Character, Trans MXY, MXY Deserves Happiness, Best Dads Wangxian, Handwaving The Legal System With The Power of LWJ, A little bit of angst, mostly soft, Happy Ending, Gender Happiness, Let LWJ Wear Skirts Agenda, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note) Lan Wangji is a lawyer

Close to the Truth by Winglesss (M, 14k, WangXian, Modern AU, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, Romantic Comedy, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Tooth-Rotting Fluff) Lan Wangji is a lawyer

Scapegoat by Anonymous (E, 216k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, Trials, Lawyer LWJ, Defendant WWX, Courtroom Drama, False Accusations, Criminal Investigation, Threats of Violence, Hurt WWX, Protective LWJ, Childhood Trauma, Murder Mystery, Pining, Soft WangXian, Slow Burn, Domestic Bliss, Happy Ending, Found Family, Bad Parent YZY, neutral jc, Good Sibling JYL, neutral lxc, Bad Uncle LQR, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, POV Alternating, Top LWJ/Bottom WWX, Pining while fucking, Belly Bulge, Gentle Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Neck Kissing, Eventual Smut, porn in chapter 15, Praise Kink, Homophobia, chapter specific TWs will be in top notes, Power Play, Power Imbalance, Wet Dream)

16C)

🔒 at first sight of the sun by sunflowersfield (T, 3k, WangXian, Modern, Coworkers, Fluff, Neurodiversity, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Happy Ending, First Dates, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort) Lan Wangji is a researcher at a forest preserve in at first sight of the sun

A Cyborg’s Three Laws by @joshua-beeking, FairyGardenCorgis (M, 194k, WangXian, Future, Cyborgs, Science Fiction, Science Boyfriends, Romance, Slow Burn, Medical Procedures, Surgery, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, LWJ has RA, Idiot Friends to Idiot Lovers, Medical Assault, Dehumanization, obscene amounts of cuddling, Versatile wangxian)

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17. Hi! I meant to ask this, but I think I haven't yet (it would already be posted otherwise). For the ITMF, are there any fics where WWX, post canon, gets transported timewise into the 13/16 years he was dead? Preferably only for a bit until he figures out how to get back, and while hiding his identity. Thanks for the help! @hikato-chan

Less Than Two Years by wenqing (maniafic) (T, 5k, WangXian, Time Travel, Post-Canon, but also canon divergent, in an alternate universe though, Minor Angst, mostly wwx confusing the kids)

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

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accirax · 9 days

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Danganronpa: Despair Time Chapter 2 Episode 13 Dissection

Jesus CHRIST, the hits keep on coming (/pos). I don't think anyone could have predicted everything that came to light in this episode. But, hey, at least we're finally cooking on the murder method a bit more...?

SPOILERS for Danganronpa: Despair Time though Chapter 2 Episode 13! Also, CW: discussions of suicide.

Similarly to last time, I tried not to look at too many other people's major reactions/theories as to not influence my opinions as they were when I watched the episode. (Although I think I failed to do that more than last week...) Here's what this episode got me thinking about!

Genocide Jack, Junko, Mukuro, Peko, and Korekiyo:

On that note, though, this is... debatably relevant lore about Hope's Peak as it exists in DRDT? We know from Chapter 2 Episode 2 that Veronika (and likely all of the non-Terukos as well) don't remember Trigger Happy Havoc, and, based on this, it's likely that they don't remember much of the history of the old HPA either. Ace being so adamant that HPA wouldn't scout a murderer implies that the new HPA has fully regained its spotless reputation, potentially even more than the Tokyo school ever had.

I want you all to know that I tried to write out a little theory about whether or not Levi could have killed any plot-relevant characters here, but I came to a dead end at every venture. Levi killed Mai? No, he has no motive, and the murder happened before everyone attended Hope's Peak. Levi killed Elliot? No, Ellie was probably killed by dogs, and the timing is all wrong. Levi killed someone at the North C and Chariton incident? That didn't even happen. I was just getting that confused with my theories about what Xander might have done at that incident in FF's DRDT Milgram AU. Not even what actually happened in the AU. Just my theories on what might happen.

The only option I couldn't fully rule out was the idea that Levi killed some of the ~5 missing members of the altDRDT cast, but, holy shit, can you imagine how funny that would be? Teacher and the gang get to the sixth Class Trial and ask all dramatically, "so, what happened to the rest of our class that didn't make it to the killing game...?" and Monowhatever is just like "actually, Levi Fontana just straight up merced those dudes years ago." Hilarious.

Anyways. That goes to show that I do think these were just random guys, and the only specific relevance they would have is in the realm of Levi's backstory specifically.

RIP to the "Levi used to be an assassin" theory. I actually kinda liked that one myself.

(Also, hijacking this image to point out the background music here. You hear the ticking clock motif? Very suspicious indeed...)

Yup, even more confirmation that HPA highly valued having an incredibly pure and righteous image. Of course this HPA was also corrupt. Is it even possible to make an HPA without some level of corruption?

(Levi. My guy. I need you to use a different sprite; the quadruple image combo is starting to look ridiculous.)

What I find really interesting here is that, even in the realm of forgetting about murders, Levi remembers the three random guys before his father. Like, I know that Levi says that he kinda equally doesn't care about everyone (and I believe him to be telling the truth on that), but you would think that, just by virtue of having spent more time with his dad or the people around him's reactions, Levi would have remembered killing his father before offing three random thugs.

I don't know if this is meant to A) really drive the point home that Levi sees no difference between those he "knows" and those he doesn't; B) imply that Levi might have sustained some greater amount of trauma from killing his father that caused him to block that memory out more; C) suggest that killing the guys was more recent than killing his dad, which might lead him to remember it with more clarity; or D) some combination of the former three. However, I think it's an interesting detail to note.

The foils are foiling........

This was hilarious. And lowkey evidence that Nico was the one who tried to kill Ace.

You know, I actually almost made a theory once that the clauses "you're a murderer" and "you have no remorse" could be read as two separate secret statements! Not to say that Levi didn't have no remorse for the killing part, but that having no remorse was a state of being not solely tied to the murdering.

Alsoooo... just gonna say, Levi on Drawing Pins is looking better and better all the time...

Eden: But you're a good person. Why are you saying these things when it's clearly not true? You're so kind to everyone. You're always helping others out, even when it'd be easier not to. Like that time Ace almost died. You kept trying to help him, even if he always pushed you away. Isn't that what "a good person" does?

WE ARE BACK AT IT AGAIN!!! "GOOD PERSON" SPECIFICALLY IN THE LEVI/EDEN CONTEXT AAAAAAAAA

Beyond the further "good person" jumpscare, I found this line interesting due to how Eden describes Ace. Someone who "always pushed [Levi] away." Sounds a lot like Arei, huh? In fact, a lot of it sounds like Eden is applying it to herself.

"But I'm a good person. Why am I thinking these things when it's clearly not true? I'm so kind to everyone. I'm always helping others out, even when it'd be easier not to. Like that time Arei yelled at me. I kept trying to help her, even if she always pushed me away. Isn't that what "a good person" does?"

Obviously, I'm reading into this in the "Eden is the blackened" context, but I think that it's still an interesting read of Eden's mental state even if she isn't the blackened. We know that, to some extent, Eden blames herself for both Min and Arei's deaths. Therefore, despite likely feeling like she's fucked up, she wants to cling onto the idea that she's a good person so she doesn't lose faith in herself.

That leads into some super interesting parallels when it comes to this speech versus what Arei said, but I'll talk about that more once we get to the Arei monologue.

This week, acevi shippers take the L. Really, Levi x anyone shippers, but I think acevi shippers got the worst of it.

Except, they also took the W. "Ace lowkey confirms he once had feelings for Levi" was NOT on my bingo card. Or Star's.

(Also I LOVE this new sprite)

I saw some people talking about Ace's friend (Taylor?) but I do not remember and cannot find any information about this character (so I can't even tell if they're just fanmade :( ). If anyone knows what I'm talking about and has a link, please send it to me. Anyways, "insult to his memory" definitely makes it sound like Ace's friend is dead. I wonder if the way in which he died has anything to do with Ace's fear of horses/cowardice in general.

I want to see more Levi and Veronika interactions so bad. It's no surprise that Veronika was the first to pick up what Levi was putting down. Both of them don't have the "normal" way of processing their feelings and interacting with others, but while Levi has decided to try to be what society deems as "good" anyways, Veronika has decided to fully live by her own creed. I wonder if Levi could be at all convinced by Veronika to go back to his old ways.

Veronika: You're always guessing as to what a normal human would do in your situation. You're so awkward in social settings because you can't tell what other people want.

I'm excited to see Levi and Nico interact too, obviously. I suppose Nico is kinda like the midpoint of Veronika and Levi-- doesn't understand people and wants the world to work the way they perceive it, but also has been bullied enough to feel forced to play along with how others want them to be. Characters like these have become some of my favorite archetypes to discuss. I'm so glad that DRDT has so many of them!!!

The foils are foiling AGAIN...

Why the fuck are you so pressed about the secrets now??? I thought you were all about privacy?????

Well, thank you for "confirming" that swap, ladies! This talk of a pact is very interesting, though. I guess Hu must have gone to Veronika pretty early to ensure that her secret wouldn't get out-- makes sense, as without that there's a good chance Hu could believe that Veronika would reveal her secret at the most unflattering time to create drama.

It does slightly recontextualize Veronika's "A little mystery makes this Trial more exciting, don't you think?", though. I wonder if that was just straight up a lie, or if that was the rationale Hu used to appeal to Veronika. I doubt we'll get a flashback of this scene now that this moment's passed, but I'd love to see it. FTEs...? 👀

David you have to stop this right now or you're going to become my new favorite character. Dude's been dying to don the mantle of the comic relief character, apparently.

Is The Motive Scoreboard Accurate?

I'm including this because I've seen some other people say that it is, specifically on Teruko's front. I strongly believe that this motive board is incorrect, and Teruko and Xander's secrets are swapped.

The blaming yourself secret mentions parentS and siblingS. Back in Chapter 1 Episode 4, Teruko says that she never knew her parents (and therefore may even just be assuming that she has two), and she only had one biological brother. Furthermore, she has no idea if they're dead or not. On the parents front, she could assume that being sent to an orphanage is confirmation enough that her parents are dead instead of just not wanting her. Being sent there with her older biological brother is a further implication of that.

However, Teruko specifically says that her brother "left with some other family." She makes no mention of believing he's dead at all. Therefore, for Teruko to have the secret she claims to have, Teruko would have to be constantly mourning parents and an additional sibling that she never knew, and to believe that all of them are dead despite having no reason to believe that her known brother died.

Obviously, all of these things were said aloud to Charles and Whit, so there is a possibility that Teruko lied about or concealed parts of her past to keep her walls up around those two. However, what does this face from David mean if not "I've caught you in my trap?"

(DRDT sprites are SO GOOD--)

To me, this sprite clearly indicates that David knows that Teruko is lying about something, but has chosen not to bring it up to save it for later purposes. I don't know if he has something specific in mind or just wants to hold the potential blackmail over her head, but I strongly suspect that we'll come back to this someday-- either in later daily life or a post-Trial scene in this chapter.

It's also interesting to note that, while David knows that this is Teruko's for sure, Charles and Whit also have the opportunity to recognize the discrepancy. I definitely wouldn't be surprised if Charles kept notes about what he knows about everyone somewhere. We'll have to see if either of them ask her about it down the road as well.

Eden: I know that she's dead!! I know that she's dead and that she's never coming back. I know that I'll never be able to talk to her ever again. But even then... I have to know that when she was alive, she was still trying to become a good person. That if she lived, then maybe there'd be a world in which we would both be friends. If you really say that you lied about making Arei kill herself, then tell me the truth. Tell me that you didn't make her lose hope. Please! Tell me what happened last night between you and Arei!

Oh boy.

Can Eden Still Be the Culprit?

Look. I understand if you look at this and believe that Eden couldn't possibly be the culprit-- or at least, not without being a completely different character than we know her to be. Because I almost did. Zel's performance did a really good job of selling Eden's heartbreak in a way that makes it feel like she couldn't have possibly been the one to end Arei's life. However, upon further review, I do think that Eden's words could be that of the killer, with minimal levels of intentional manipulation thrown in.

If it would cause you emotional distress to listen to me continue to accuse Eden, I'll write the rest of this section in purple so that you can skip it if you'd like. I don't want to make anyone sad, so I fully understand if you want to avoid these bad vibes. However, for those of you who are still on the fence, and those who have stuck with Eden!culprit all along, here's my justification. I think it'll be easiest to break it down block by block.

Eden: I know that she's dead!!

Okay, well, maybe skipping this section a bit. More points for Arei truly being the one who's dead, I guess?

Eden: I know that she's dead and that she's never coming back. I know that I'll never be able to talk to her ever again.

Alright, so, this can fairly easily be read as the same thing as what Eden was doing back when she was talking to Levi: reassuring herself.

Well, maybe "reassuring" is the wrong word. Basically, she's repeating the same mantra that she told herself when she was trying to justify her decision to kill Arei. When making the decision to kill anyone, the killer (if they care) has to process that they will have to kill every other person in the game if they want to escape for themselves. Therefore, if Eden is the killer, she already had to grapple with the fact that she can't turn back time. ("You can't go back, no matter how hard you try.")

I think that Eden might have it in her head that, even if it wouldn't fully erase her wrongdoings, as long as she doesn't just forgive and forget the whole affair, it makes things slightly better. That's why she was yelling things like "You forgot about all the things you did just because you didn't face any consequences for them? That's incredibly selfish!" at Levi.

Feeling bad about things is her punishment to make sure that Arei is never fully forgotten. She knows that, if she goes through with killing, she'll never be able to talk with any of these people again. However, if there's something more important to her than these 13 lives that she has to escape the killing game to reach, it's a consequence she'll have to accept. She knows it's selfish-- but she at least won't be so selfish as to also forget everyone else's sacrifice.

Eden: But even then... I have to know that when she was alive, she was still trying to become a good person. That if she lived, then maybe there'd be a world in which we would both be friends.

This is probably the part that feels the most damning. Why would Eden care about whether or not Arei was trying to become a good person if Eden is the one who killed her? Wouldn't it be better for Eden if she wasn't?

Well, that's what Eden is trying to figure out, too. In Venus' Narrative Defense of Eden Culprit Theory, Venus says that Eden didn't believe that Arei actually changed and wanted to be her friend. And, it really makes complete sense if she didn't-- Eden had no idea that David and Teruko continued to talk so seriously with Arei after her departure, and Arei saving Eden from Arturo literally happened the same day that Arei had her breakdown. It had probably been, like, 4 hours since Arei chewed her out for her worldview being stupid, and then Arei's suddenly turning around and declaring that she wants to protect Eden at all costs. Of course Eden might just believe that Arei was setting her up for a fall! (Murder pun not intended.)

Venus also adds that, at this point in the Trial, David knew something that Eden didn't: namely, that Arei actually wanted to change, and saw Eden as her inspiration for doing so. Under the assumption that that revelation has been bothering Eden the whole time, it makes perfect sense that Eden would want to know more about what David knew about Arei. She needs to know exactly how terrible she needs to feel for doing this terrible thing.

I think the quote becomes a lot less defendable if you just swap out the "that" for an "if."

"But even then... I have to know if when she was alive, she was still trying to become a good person. That if she lived, then maybe there'd be a world in which we would both be friends."

Now, obviously, you could say that this is an unfair point-- Eden didn't say "if," she said, "that"! How can you excuse Eden based off of evidence that isn't actually real?

My point is that, even if DRDTdev didn't have Eden phrase it that way, it would be an incredibly easy swap to make. Thus, the only way in which Eden would have to be lying is to swap out one word. With that one word, "if," we see how she's still doubting whether Arei really was trying to be a good person, and can read into why she's bringing that up at this time. To disguise it, all Eden has to do is trade "if" for "that"-- she doesn't have to be some masterful lying manipulator to pull off a quick exchange that makes her look more innocent.

Eden: If you really say that you lied about making Arei kill herself, then tell me the truth. Tell me that you didn't make her lose hope.

Eden needs the truth so that she can know how despicable she actually is (in her opinion). She needs to know how bad she needs to feel for taking Arei's life, so that she won't wind up as "inhuman" as Levi.

I also think that "tell me that you didn't make Arei lose hope" could be interpreted in a killer-ish way. There is a rhetorical device in English that sorta turns words like that on their head. Like, if I said, "don't tell me you spoiled DRDT for all of your followers!," it's often interpreted as "I know that you did spoil DRDT for all of your followers, but I don't want to hear it." In this case, Eden might not want David to tell her that he made Arei lose hope because she doesn't want to believe that Arei had any hope in the first place. It's better than if Eden was the one to directly crush those hopes, sure, but if Arei approached David talking about wanting to be a better person mere hours before her death, that still means that Eden was killing a hopeful Arei. She doesn't want David to confirm her worst fears.

I don't know if I phrased that section exactly how I imagined it in my mind, but hopefully you understand what I'm getting at.

Eden: Please! Tell me what happened last night between you and Arei!

In the end, though, Eden knows that she has to face the music to figure out how she wants to proceed with this trial, whether that's sinking the cost of her fallacy or owning up to her crime. And that's how I think you can justify this outburst of Eden's within the context of her being the blackened, without having to fully corrupt her character.

What Arei Meant

This part isn't a theory, exactly; it's more of an analysis of the point I think Arei was trying to convey in this section. I've seen some people be sad about the new note that Arei's character is "going out" on, but I actually think that this is a pretty realistic, thematic ending for where Arei's story and the themes of the chapter are headed. Time to praise DRDTdev's writing for a bit!

Arei: I'm a manipulative, two-faced bitch. I pretend to be cute so that I can treat others like trash. I only care about myself, and I always hurt others for selfish and stupid reasons. Of course I wanted to change myself. [...] Still, for the longest time, I thought it was stupid to even try. I'm rotten to the core, and I might as well be a different species from saints like you and Eden. [...] No matter what, I'll never be a good person. And yet, despite all that... David, you... It turns out that you might be a total piece of shit after all. If even a perfect inspirational speaker like you turns out to be an asshole, then there's no such thing as "a good person." [...] And that makes me relieved, because it means I'm not too far gone. It's okay that I'll never be a good person, because no one else can be either.

I don't think that Arei is saying that the world is a lost cause.

Instead, she's saying that no one is a lost cause. She's applying that Syndrome logic: "if everyone is a bad person, no one will be." Arei thought that, because of her upbringing, there was no possibility that she could ever Be Good, because she'd already done too much wrong. Good People are perfect, unerring gods who do nothing but help others and reach out to wayward souls. However, David's manipulations proved that that wasn't true.

Good People fuck up. Good People do good things for bad reasons, and bad things for good reasons, and, hell, if David is a Good Person, then Good People do bad things for bad reasons sometimes, too! Arei confessed to us that she felt like her life was over because she was given an unfair start. However, now she knows that the bar has been lowered, and that being a good person can be done by anyone, anywhere, at any time. Perfection doesn't exist. Now that she knows that there was never any need to be perfect, the chance she sought for so long has finally been granted.

(Dipping back into purple for a sec to talk about Eden culprit stuff)

After this, I feel like the theme of this chapter has to be about deconstructing the myth of "The Good Person." You think that Nico is just a soft and shy bullying victim? No, they're just as willing to kill as anyone else. You think that Hu is a gracious motherly figure? No, she has an angry streak and talks over other people. You think that Levi is a softhearted giant who just struggles with what to say sometimes? His kill count is higher than everyone who's died to the killing game so far, and he doesn't really care that that's the case. You think that Whit is just a silly guy who cares about others? Fuck, even he's willing to stall out the trial in an attempt to fulfill his own agenda.

The main person who hasn't yet been proven so be not as good as they seem so far is Eden, who in this episode has been clinging to the idea of being a good person harder than ever. I know that some people believe that Eden needs to survive to fulfill the role of the optimist, but I feel like this episode proves that that isn't true. We don't need A Hopeful Person because anyone can step up to the plate and believe in hope if they want to do so. Eden isn't A Good Person, but a real person, who's just as capable of laughing and crying and living and dying as anyone else.

A good person is not gold. That's why everyone who tried to cling to the idea that they were being A Good Person-- Xander, David, Levi-- has always wound up hurting others in the end. Xander believed his actions were morally justified, and thus decided to kill Teruko, causing Min's death and lots of anguish for Teruko. David wanted to follow in his footsteps, and beyond his inspirational speaker persona causing damage to himself, he was also about to kill everyone else to do "what's right." Levi (Arei pending) hasn't killed anyone since trying to become A Good Person, but pretending to follow those guidelines without actually wanting to change anything about himself emotionally hurt Ace, who was set up with false expectations.

If Eden is so convinced that she's a good person, she's only blinding herself to the ways that she's inevitably not.

Back to Arei, while it is sad that her development was cut off just as she made this revelation, I believe that clarifying this additional bit of content is a way to allow her to rest in peace. Even if she didn't get to transform as much as she wanted to, she at least got to die knowing that she wasn't as wretched as she convinced herself that she was all these years, and having done at least one good thing-- saving Eden from Arturo-- before she passed. It's an amazing character arc to squeeze in for your second victim.

Phew, finally, a chance to talk about objective lore instead of heavy and divisive character themes! Except, uh...

WHAT THE FUCK???

Remember when, at the beginning, I said that no one could have predicted everything that came to light in this episode? This was the main point I was talking about. I don't think anyone saw this reveal coming, especially in this moment.

For starters, even though this CG does appear in David's memories, I don't think that he or Arei actually remembers whatever this was taking place. Beyond me attempting to debunk the idea that David had additional memories of Hope's Peak last week, Arei or David specifically referring to this moment means that they had to... be there? When whatever this was happened?

I say "whatever this was" to briefly create suspense before connecting the dots everyone's already talked about: that Eden was probably the one to scratch out Xander's eye. This would make Eden the "she" that Xander (er, I mean, "the guy with the bloody hands") talks about in the intro scene.

It also gives some more context to the clock with the fork stabbed into it depicted in LGI.

I don't know if "non-functional" and "I didn't expect her to" mean that Eden could have been brainwashed or otherwise broken down into not acting like herself when this happened, but it certainly seems out of character for what we know of Eden. Even her facial expression seems to suggest that she might not have wanted or intended to attack anyone with that fork.

Anyways, for Arei or David to know about the contents of that CG, they would've had to both be there when Eden attacked Xander and then also have regained/had their memories of it, which seems unlikely given how both of them treat Eden. Like, even if Arei is sure that Eden "did something to hurt someone in the past," this seems a bit extreme, and David probably wouldn't be so neutral on her if he knew that she attacked his man.

Another really clever point that I saw someone make (AND THEN COULDN'T TRACK DOWN WHO OR IN WHICH POST IT WAS--) was that Eden is wearing her current outfit in this CG. Interestingly, I looked back at A History of Hope's Peak and Visiting Graves to see what Min and Xander were wearing, and while Min was wearing her typical killing game uniform, Xander was wearing something different. Given that Min's scene takes place in HPA and Xander's doesn't, this could imply that Min was wearing the HPA uniform? That's fitting, for her.

We also know that the DRDT cast were all wearing these outfits believing that they were headed for the HPA entrance ceremony. Therefore, we know that Eden would wear this getup to school, but we don't know if she'd wear it elsewhere. Once again, assuming it was Xander who got forked, we can place this CG some time between Visiting Graves and the start of the killing game. I have a hunch that Visiting Graves might have taken place during HPA's spring break-- in A History, Min and Mai (er, I mean, "Unnamed Student") are at school studying for a test with "Spring Break next week" on the chalkboard, while in Visiting Graves, Mai and Xander have traveled elsewhere-- but that's not confirmed, so we can't lock it down.

Maybe we can get more information about this in Eden's bonus episode! Because, well, I at least do think that most of the mysteries of this CG could be solved within a bonus episode and/or other characters talking about her posthumously in later chapters. Again, I understand if you want to use this CG as evidence that Eden is important enough to need to stick around, though.

AREI I MISS YOUUUUUUUUUU

Also, I didn't catch this at all, but credit to everyone who noticed how similar this scene is to the "Diana Chiem" scene in LGI! Fascinating implications that I have no additional thoughts on at the moment. Mostly because we don't know shit about Diana, if that even is her who's portrayed in that CG. I'm sure I'll come back to this someday, just not right now.

Oh, and I don't think you can really argue that Ace made up this conversation anymore. Idk how much of it he stuck around to listen to, though.

See like why is she so pressed about it???

I'd like to say that this is a win for Whit not being the mastermind (because he doesn't seem to know what MonoTV is talking about), but he could probably just be going "why are you saying that at this time?" or something like that. Sigh (/j)

Why Does Whit Know So Much About Hanging?

Alright, so, obviously, this could be a super-suspect hint that Whit knows all of this stuff about hanging and therefore decided to use that knowledge to kill Arei. But, I don't care about that! What I don't understand is how Whit came to know all of this in the first place!

Well, after a quick review, there's one option that stands out more than all the others: Whit's mom was killed by hanging, likely self-inflicted. The only thing we "know" about Whit's mom dying (assuming that secret really is his) is that she is dead, and Whit omits it. It's phrased pretty vaguely. We also know that Whit thinks his mom is awesome, but that doesn't tell us anything about how she saw herself. Sadly, I think this lines up all too well.

Whit's main character flaw, as we've seen throughout the story so far, is ignoring things that stress him out or make him sad. He represses, and chooses not to get involved in others' fights because it's "not his business." It would make sense if the same extended to what he was like before the killing game. If Whit always chooses to ignore things that worry him, there's a possibility he blames himself for his mom's death via not paying enough attention to any warning signs that her mental state might have gotten so dire. Of course, if repression runs in the family, she might have been doing her best to not make it obvious as well.

So, even though he hates himself for not giving his mom enough support in her darkest hour, he still can't (yet) make any changes in his life because ignorance is the only way he knows how to cope. Yet, he still won't let himself pass up on helping another soul in clear need of support, like Charles panicking over the blood, or Eden suffering over seeing Arei's body. He can push himself to help others that are sad, as long as he never focuses on himself.

Or, he's the time loop mastermind who's heard Class Trials discuss hanging a billion times before. You never know with this guy.

CONGRATS TO FF AND BADJOE FOR BEING THE SMARTEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 Man, even seeing Teruko explain this mechanism as the truth, I still don't know if I would've been able to come up with it myself. This fandom is so smart :D

(Also, why was Whit a dog? Goddammit, is this more MonoTV coding?! /lh)

FUCK YES, WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO GET ANSWERS ABOUT THE GYM MURDER IN THIS TRIAL? HALLELUJAH! IT'S ABOUT TO BE T A P E T I M E, MOTHERFUCKERS! (/j)

Phew, barely squeaked it within 30 images! I'm impressed and amazed that DRDTdev keeps managing to make such gripping episodes week after week.

Get it? Gripping? Like grippy tape?

I'd apologize, but you're almost certainly going to hear more of that from me next week. Until then!

#danganronpa despair time #drdt #drdt spoilers #drdt chapter 2 part 2 spoilers #fanganronpa #cw suicide mention #levi fontana #ace markey #eden tobisa #whit young #teruko tawaki #arei nageishi #btw i hope i didn't come off as at all rude or condescending to people who don't believe in eden culprit #especially bc i was the one who was saying that no one should use the trial results to be mean to each other #my goal was only to celebrate some of my friends for having their theories turn out to be true #but i do truly feel for anyone whose expectations aren't lining up with reality. i'm sure that must be hard after the long wait #(and also to be clear i'm not discounting that i'll be proven wrong not long from now i just don't think it's happened yet)#(or maybe i'm just still delusional)#my theories

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ellesthots · 2 months

Text

Fateful Beginnings

XXVI. “grave responsibility”

parts: previous / next

plot: after months of hostile bickering, you finally complete an unconventional interview with Bruce. all’s well that ends well? not quite.

pairing: battinson!bruce wayne x fem!reader

cw: 18+, suicide discussion, feelings of shock, brief mention of hallucinations, feeling unsafe, regret, nausea

words: 9.4k

a/n: the latter portion of this chapter discusses suicide, an attempt occurs offscreen and there are no descriptions of the act or injury. if you would not like to read this, the next chapter will include a blurb at the beginning to summarize what takes place in this chapter so you can still follow along!

"Bruce?!" His chest was heaving, and he had mud snaked up his legs to his thighs. You clutched the notebook tighter as he walked closer, nervous about his intentions as your eyes darted along his haggard frame. The single streetlight down this alleyway (which is why you chose it, it was the only one that was even halfway lit) cast a shadow across half his body, obscuring his face, darkening his hair and outfit until he was mostly a dark blob of nothingness. When you took a step back he stopped, and a single hand appeared with its palm facing you.

"I don't want to scare you." His voice was low and ragged from what looked like a full-send sprint the half mile distance from city hall. The only thing letting you know you weren't entirely gripped with fear was an initial reaction of laughing, which you stifled; what person says that of all things to calm their victim? But as you stood defenseless in the dirty, bloody corridor, panic encroached.

He saw how nervous you were as your face was cast in the dim light. He held both hands up now, submissively, looking nowhere but your eyes. He stepped slowly, methodically, gently to his left so he could be in your light. He had the sense you were as skittish as a feral cat, and once again he didn't blame you. As much as you put him in situations, he put you in them the same. "I wanted to tell you why I was upset that night." And why he needed you to help, but he couldn't get that sentimental of words out of him; they rung discordantly in his head. He diverted his eyes from you for just a moment, looking around to see if there were any place even slightly more private, but you startled at his shift and made that an impossibility. Now or never.

The lack of ache in your heel reminded you your amygdala was running the show now, adrenaline perking your muscles. You needed to focus and fully internalize the situation, or it would be a blur just like the last meeting with him. You watched him with a thorough stare; memorized what he was wearing, thought back to what street he was on, tried to recognize the watch on his wrist. How long has it been since I left city hall? Fifteen minutes? Ten? Less? It was instinctual, what you always did walking anywhere in the city in case the police needed a spotless report. His watch was silver, his shirt dark gray with a rounded neckline, his pants were black and lightly pleated. He smelled like smoked honey, and it was so deep even a hundred washes couldn't take it all out, in case he tried to play it off as some other guy, in some other outfit, in some other alley.

He soaked up your studying, making sure to keep as casually still as possible for you to get your read on him. Outside of the suit even he felt it a bit unsettling out here. As you scanned his outfit he flashed back to the tattered denim around your ankles, and how he held the same frame, the same power. Every defense melted from him in an instant. Standing wasn't going to do, was it?

Bruce sank to his knees, balanced a hand in front of him on the chunky concrete, and sat his ass flat in a mucky, lukewarm puddle. When he looked up at you he relaxed his shoulders, and took firm control to slow his breathing. The dilation in your eyes quickly shrank, the wide fear in your face washed away to pointed confusion. He tucked each leg under the other for good, deescalating measure.

Criss-cross applesauce. You blurted out a laugh that sounded more like a maniacal shriek, or some sound a seagull squawked. It was reflexive, coming more from the juxtaposition of the scene in front of you than anything light and humorous. Yesterday you'd scrolled through hundreds of fanfic blurbs and imagines about how distinguished, classy, and inaccessible the man was—if only they got a load of this. For the first time you'd ever seen him he seemed to embrace a speck of humility. You felt a wash of embarrassment at him acting so docile, unable to stop ruminating on how perceptive and analytical he was. You knew he sensed your fear, and it fucked you up.

"My head was jumbled that night. I didn't intend to find you, I was trying to find something on my own. But," His inhale was quick and deep. "I don't know how much I trust my perception anymore. When I saw you, I wanted you to help reality test my, sanity." He spoke the word with a deep sigh and rapid blinking. A slight scraping sound scored his words, anxiously picking at his nails, squeezing the tips of his fingers until they were blushed scarlet.

Sanity? When you peered more intently (which was possible only by him breaking eye contact) you noticed a slight tremble in him. Now your brow furrowed, desperate to pin down Bruce Wayne's thing. More than anything he seemed to be a chameleon, able to slip in and out of any situation through altering his behavior and appearance. You didn't want to be convinced too easily, knowing full well this too could be a ruse. Some final plea to empathy to guarantee you wouldn't tell before leaving forever, and his hail mary a show of humility. "Why would you need that tested?"

He peered up at you; when your eyes locked again that weird, illegal sensation gripped you once more. Could charisma and manipulation be this intense? Be translated only through agonizing eye contact? "Have you seen any owls around?" His words were barely above a whisper, and you had to strain your ears to hear, nearly forcing you to step closer. Owls? "Like the bird? Owls?"

He nodded. "But drawings. Etchings. In any jewelry, windows, streets, buildings, pins, papers?" Jesus, his eye contact... fucking piercing. Nothing rang a bell to you. You didn't know if they even had real, live owls in Gotham, but no, you hadn't seen any drawings, jewelry, anything owl-themed. Come to think of it, you really hadn't seen one since you were a child, on a school trip, or out camping. You shook your head, the confusion and loss in your body language flitting pain across his face. If this was an act, he was convincing, you'd give him that. The bags under his eyes, the tremble in his torso and hands, the desperate searching in his eyes as he tried to enter your soul through your eye-sockets. He averted his eyes again, and you could breathe. "I think I'm hallucinating them. That night I saw Vry wearing one again, and..." Why was he spilling all of it out to you?

Again? You'd never seen her wear anything with an owl on it. He paused and heaved more breaths, as if it were torturous for him to tell you these things, and maybe it was. How comfortable would I feel saying this to him?

The rest of that night spilled out of him, and it felt about as outside his conscious control as vomiting, and equally pleasant. "When I came home Alfred was... concerned. He showed me the death reports on my great grandfather, and the same thing happened to him. Hallucinating owls." He spit these words out like they were knives. "Right before he died." He crossed his arms over his shoulders in a makeshift hug, squeezing tightly as his now unfocused eyes stared absently down the alleyway.

Oh. Your first instinct was to hug him. He looked so decidedly small... maybe his charm was working, and you resigned to stay put. He sighed again, his shoulders going stiffly up and down with it. "Now I'm here. And you gave me your answer." He looked deep in thought, burrowed in it. Hallucinations? His great grandfather, right before he died? The two pieces didn't quite fit together for you; sure, he was stoic and antisocial, but he... when you came up with nothing more, you remembered how little you truly knew about him. He could've hid any symptoms easily from you, only having to be 'on' for two hours a week, a small handful of times. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to interview. Maybe that's why it's hard for him to speak about his family.

Scuffling, clamoring sounds muffled in the background alarmed Bruce, which alarmed you. He stood up swiftly. "It's paparazzi." His wide eyes were back on you, he looked like a deer in the barrel of a gun. He glanced behind you as if studying where he could run to. The butt of his pants and the back of his shirt were alight with mud, his hair mussed, collar of his sweater askew. You could practically hear the headlines if they caught the both of you.

He couldn't just ask you to follow him, not after you'd been so hesitant of it in the past, not in the middle of the dark evening, not when you were whizzing through unmarked alleys. Not a chance you would go for it. As much as he didn't do bribes, he was thinking about how much cash he had in his wallet and if the paps would go for it. Maybe he could ask you to leave, run to the end of the alleyway and turn different directions, and you’d be spared their invasion.

Your apartment was just three blocks further and your keycard let you into the parking garage. He'd know where you lived for one night, and far from the room you lived in... "C'mon." You motioned for him to follow and turned north, focusing on the weight of your heels as you ran so you didn't slip. You thanked yourself for sticking to shorter heels than Mar had recommended. Gotham even makes it hard to run away.

He also wondered how you could run in heels for the few seconds he was behind you, wondering how you weren't laid flat by a twisted ankle. Maybe he was just too anxious, his legs too rubbery. His feet were catching on every pothole and clump of rock.

Wordlessly, you both arrived not two minutes later to the parking garage. The streets were so dark he was easily camouflaged, and when there had been a car with particularly bright lights you'd paused and stood in front of him; you couldn't tell if he was annoyed by this or not, as you were still wanting to engage with him as little as possible. You had boxes to pack, Mar to hound for an answer, and the debilitating fear and confusion of starting over with no idea what to do with your life. Much to look forward to.

When the garage doors shut, he spoke. "Thanks. I'll call Alfred for a lift in a few minutes." He found a raised yellow parking block and sat down quickly, immediately placing his head back in his hands. This couldn't be happening. You'd acted so confused when he asked that, there was no way you'd seen anything like it. He was dumb to think it was anywhere but outside his head. Vry hadn't even glanced down at the ring, Gordon didn't even care to mention it likely because it wasn't there... jesus.

Your heels in his periphery reminded him he wasn't alone, and could save the spiral for later. He watched as you mindlessly kicked at pebbles and toyed with the phone in your hands. Why did you help him? Was it pity? He thought he was coming off pretty pathetic, desperate even. Shame burned white-hot in his gut. Why did he run after you? Why'd he tell you? Why couldn't he just believe what was right in front of him: he was sick, in the same way, the proof was quite literally sitting atop Alfred's desk as he sat here avoiding it. He stood abruptly, and a haze of dizziness struck him. He ignored it. "I'm sorry for asking you. For following after you." As much as he was physically here right now, he wasn't. Lost in twisting thoughts, a sudden desire to draw up a bucket list, to plan for handing over Wayne Enterprises in case things didn't help, in case—

You shrugged, not knowing quite what to say with the stale silence. "It's fine."

"The interview." He gestured to your hand, which was still gripping the recorder and journal tightly. He livened his posture, his tone, trying to deflect from the vulnerability he'd let slip out of him, teetering on the edge of a panic attack. "We can finish it if you'd like."

The disappointment at having to come to Dr. Vry's office the next morning empty-handed was gone now, and you were more upset hearing him give you another opportunity. You'd prepped yourself to distract with the last perishables in your freezer (a pint or two of Ben and Jerry's and whatever else you could muster eating so it wouldn't be thrown out) while you splayed out in bed watching something on streaming. The thought of such a task now... You shook your head and looked away from him. "You don't have to do that. She'll be fine, I don't ever have to see her again after, so."

"Are you sure? We can do it now, I don't mind." He sounded so genuine, suspiciously so, but you had no time to investigate or tease. You thought about how it would feel to be back in your room tomorrow night empty-handed with absolutely nothing having come from your time here. The thought was harrowing. Your degree was useless in this economy, Mar wasn't answering, and you'd gotten on the bad side of one of the most powerful men in America.

You needed anything you could get, and an interview with a notable figure was far from grasping at straws; it would give you a bit of a boost, something to put on a resume that could give you a much-needed leg-up over the competition... but trying to pull answers out of him would be a Herculean task. You stood awkwardly, looking vaguely in his direction. "You didn't really have answers for me before."

"I'll come up with something. Hit me." Anything to deflect from impromptu, hastily-shared vulnerabilities.

You looked around for a place to set the recorder, until you placed it on the ground. You pulled your knee up to rest the journal on it, but the balancing act had you hopping around nearly crunching the apparatus as you regained balance. Using a car window, bumper, or hood wouldn't do; you'd bumped into a few cars down here before, and they were uber sensitive... there was just no way. Would it be so bad if he knew where I lived for one night? The windows didn't open very well, he couldn't exactly swing in. The door was heavy and loud, and you'd be able to grab some sort of knife if he tried coming in the middle of the night. Christ... "We can go up to my apartment for a few, I guess." Get this over with. Finally! Done! Fucking done! Please!

"I don't want to intrude." He stood up slowly from the parking block, you didn't have any reserve in your patience to humor him. "I've got a fridge of perishables to eat through, if you can help me with that you'll do me a favor." You walked towards the elevator and heard his light footsteps follow. You felt a bit bad for him. His confession had been markedly vulnerable, and the box swiftly shut. Mar called them your 'mediator tendencies'; no matter how shitty you felt someone was, if they showed any meekness whatsoever you desired to soothe them like a sick, stray cat.

It was strange how quietly you both walked into your apartment. You flipped on your singular lamp, walked to the freezer, and had him choose a pint. Wordlessly he picked one, and within thirty seconds he was standing in your bedroom while you readied your things, popping open some Cherry Garcia. After you'd popped open your journal, clicked the pen, and positioned the recorder in his direction, you looked up to see him eyeing your armchair in the corner. His eyes flit back to yours and he immediately cast his eyes to the ground. "Ready." He nodded, but you didn't believe it.

You looked over to the armchair you'd sat in last night, feverishly finalizing these notes. Your mouth tugged into a slight grin. Bruce Wayne in the plush pink chair. You nodded your head toward it and he walked quickly, his legs taking long, sweeping, easy strides. He was extra tall with your heels off, plopped down on your mattress looking up at him. But as he walked past you noticed the gray, brown soak on his back, and hopped up. "I'll get a towel, wait." You trekked to the bathroom and grabbed your last clean one, groaning over why you'd bought white. Upon entering the doorway you tossed it to him, and it caught on the end of the spoon still in his mouth. He winced as a clack sounded, and you stifled a laugh. Even if he was being more humanoid tonight, he was still him.

Your bed felt extra warm after the cool bathroom tile, even with the chill of Bruce in the room. He broke the silence, which surprised you enough to turn toward him. He sat, looking about ten spoons deep into the pint. "I've never had ice cream like this." His brow was furrowed, much too seriously for the situation. You wanted to cackle again, but barely held it in by squeezing your fingers together. He sighed. "Alfred only gets Breyer's. Plain."

Maybe it was a coping mechanism, maybe it was your body dissociating from the stress of the rest of the night, of leaving, of a man you so disliked and so feared sitting alone in your apartment while you were otherwise defenseless, but you broke into furious laughter. You wanted to question him further but you couldn't. You fell onto your back and held your stomach. You couldn't see him but you knew he still had that look on his face, the one he always had with you. That bewildered, annoyed, specific fucking face. Stomach cramps plagued your fun, slowing your uproar and letting you sit back up to face him. A fucking pint? Of ice cream? He talked about it like it was alien. You made the mistake of glancing your eyes up to his, and he was making that face. You scrunched your face together tight, feeling like it was getting to the point of bullying the man.

"What?" Defiance coated his tone. He'd never seen you laugh like that, or really, at all. He shoved another cherry chunk into his mouth to abate his own grin. He didn't understand what was so funny, but it felt funny. You shook your head and picked up your pen. "It's funny because it's such a simple thing, and Breyer's is, that's, I don't know." The humor of it was beginning to leave you, and you heaved a sigh to recenter. "Are you ready to start it?"

"Are you?" He gestured with the spoon and you used every muscle in your face and stomach to reign in another laugh. His defiance had melted a bit. His next scoop sounded like it scraped the bottom, and you looked over, shocked. "Already?"

"Pints are deceptively small." He sat the empty cardboard on the desk beside him. "Not like Breyer's." The ghost of a snicker, the faintest smile tempted his lips. He cleared his throat. He played it off by biting the inside of his cheek. "You said you wanted me to clear it out...?"

You thought of the second pint sitting in your freezer, and signed it away to him in your mind. "Sure, get the other one." A moment later he was taking the lid off of a pint of Half-Baked. You waited for him to get situated and hovered above RECORD. "Can we start?"

He nodded, unable to speak as he chowed down, but he was moving the rest of the dessert off to his left. You pored over the questions left unanswered and unsaid, pain cinching your chest. This evening was so erratic. Frenzied. Fucking weird. You pressed the button and cleared your throat; it always made you anxious when the button hit, even when you did roleplays in class. It felt like signing a legal document, like someone could pore over your recording and read into every little thing. Dr. Vry had told the class to treat journalistic recordings with utmost integrity and professionalism, because if your name ever got called into question it could be incredible evidence to get you out of a tight spot, keeping your name and slate clean from people who may not have liked how they came off.

"Mr. Wayne." You felt uncomfortable saying it, but that's how it had to be done. "The public knows a great deal about your business ventures, your family history, and other professional pursuits. I want to dive a bit more into the personal. What do you hope to accomplish in your personal life, outside of career aspirations?"

Christ, he really didn't have an answer for that one. But he said he would, and after masking his mounting anxiety as 'thinking', he pulled something semi-accurate out of a lot of jumbled nothing. It felt strange to speak so formally, his voice twisting into shapes only ever bouncing off the walls of city hall. "I've put a lot of emphasis on helping Gotham; if I had to say, I would like to..." Nothing. It wasn't genuine. He hoped to eradicate violent crime in Gotham, but unless they knew he was also Batman, that would just be another career aspiration. Was Batman a career? He'd never thought of him that way. He didn't fully look up at you but he could see you glancing at him from the corner of his eye. Doesn't have to be genuine. More of a family name thing than anything. "In the next decade, start a family. Then live out the latter half of my years raising my children."

You stared at him, blank-faced. The way he'd choked that out was brutal; his face scrunched, his hands clenched over his knees, his foot was tapping obnoxiously against the ground... cool it, Y/N. Be grateful he's even doing this for you. You moved on to the next, then. You would've rather sliced off the edge of your tongue than ask this, but he'd tempted the topic and you'd deliver for all the teenagers in the world who thought they had a chance with the guy plastered to their wall. Be professional. "It's a question often posed in the comments of Scypher and across other social medias: are you currently in a romantic relationship? And if not, what do you look for in a partner?" Dr. Vry always said to throw in a 'smoothie' to every interview: something digestible and flashy to get the clicks, but still relevant. Something in popular discourse, Gen-Z. You didn't really know if she knew anything about 'Gen-Z' but—Bruce was staring at you, looking insulted. You shrugged and mouthed to him People want to know making him roll his eyes and sit stiffer in the chair. "Not at the moment. Currently very focused on getting through this election campaign and the Spring budget rollout."

Wonder how Scypher's gonna take that. You noted he refused to answer the latter half of your question, but the recording felt like a tight leash, giving no slack for side conversation. "Speaking about the campaign, The Gotham Times has speculated that you might have a mayoral stint in the future. Any plans?" This one should be easy for him.

"You never know." He let out a strained laugh you could tell was only meant to be transcribed in the article. Had he been media trained? He couldn't have... maybe when he was younger? Do little kids get media training? "My father would have made an incredible mayor. I fear I could never live up to that." He wasn't giving you anything extra; sitting there, still, looking the same as he did all evening with a bit more sweat, water, and wind having embraced him. Stoic. Unapproachable.

You checked the time; it was almost eight. You had to have enough time to write this, finalize it enough for the fucking world to see it, and have enough sleep to drive fifteen hours to get home just after midnight. "What's something that you wish more people knew about you?"

It was at precisely this point that he remembered he was debuting a new persona, a different persona, one that needed to be hyped up, more performative than genuine. The same refrain from the earlier conversation blurted out of him. Only after saying it did he realize you wouldn't get the reference, because you hadn't been in the group he was talking to. "Besides my appreciation for jetting to Dubai to work on my physique?" When you had no reaction but a dead stare, he rushed to explain, stopping just shy of anything escaping his mouth. The recorder in the corner sat like a menacing god. He gestured at it until you gave in and flipped it OFF. He waited for the red light to disappear completely to speak. "Do you, have questions written?" He was flustered, and noticed you fiddle with a beige paper when he said it. "I prefer writing things out."

Unconventional, sure, but it was hard to hide your laughs and even harder to witness him break his brain trying to concoct verbal responses. He spoke again. "Underline the questions you want me to answer." He was too embarrassed to act out Bruce Wayne in front of you, and too much was at stake to toss the boyish banter to the side. You felt the nervousness emanating off of him; how worried about ethicality could you be when you'd initially blackmailed him into doing it anyway? You acceded to him. "Sure." He buried the shock at your swift accommodation deep in his chest. As you underlined, you made sure to keep to the questions least interesting to you and most generalizable to the interests of the public. Who liked Bruce Wayne? Besides the many thirsting after him and the older people who had been enamored with his philanthropic parents, he catered to businessmen—people who thought if they only idolized him enough, they could become him.

Many thought your reclusive nature was due to hatred of the city that so cruelly took your parents, yet you seem to still have a passion for Gotham; what drives that passion?

As a burgeoning philanthropist, what was your 'aha' moment?

You're a very hands-on person. Does this drive your enthusiasm?

You do a lot of traveling?

How does your public-facing life now compare to your more private one before?

What do you think is the biggest challenge facing Gotham City today?

What values are fundamental to you, and why?

What's your favorite way to unwind?

As a celebrity from birth, how do you handle criticism?

What's a book that you'd recommend? Anything you're reading right now?

What do you believe in that others might not?

What's your favorite quality about yourself? Least favorite?

How do you spend your weekends?

What is your idea of happiness?

Any weird habits?

What's the best piece of advice you've been given?

You kept the rest untouched. Light, easy to format, mix of depths. Exasperation threatened to derail you completely; if they'd wanted a better interview, they should've cornered Bruce Wayne in a public setting themselves. You hopped off the bed and handed the journal, paper, and pen to him. "I have to finish packing. Lemme know when you're done." Being close to him felt like being on fire, and you splashed your face with cool water from the kitchen sink as soon as you escaped the deoxygenated room.

You meandered, wandered, skipped from wall to wall of your living room, occasionally stopping by for some grapes, a bite of apple, or a sip from the two different juices open in your fridge. Folded the blanket that was over your couch, stacked the pillows, rolled up the rug. Put all the silverware and dishes in a box, save the ones you would use in the morning for some last-minute snacking. Packed away some cans from the pantry, disassembled the lamp, dining table, and two of four dining chairs (why did you ever think you'd need that many?) before Bruce appeared with the journal in one hand, the empty ice cream in the other. "Finished." He set the journal and ice cream on the kitchen island's edge. His voice was low, his expression tired. He gestured with a nod of his head to the two standing chairs. "Need help?"

You wanted to say no out of some misplaced sense of feminism, but you needed to get writing ASAP. By now it was past nine, long past when you thought you'd start. "I just need these two broken down." In a blink he was knelt down beside you, expertly wielding the thick wood legs like he'd telepathically scanned the crumpled manual at your feet. In just a few more blinks he had the entire chair broken down and placed nicely on top of the other two. Without pause he shifted his weight toward the other chair, and within thirty seconds it was broken down. Each chair had taken you ten minutes at least. You bristled, but your curiosity outweighed the jealousy. "How do you do that so quickly?"

His voice was low, emotionless. Even less than usual. "I'm used to fixing things."

You bit back a snarky retort. This isn't fixing them, it's... You stood and walked to grab the journal while he heaved (well, very easily, like carrying an empty plate to the sink) the pile of wood into the large box with the other pieces. He started turning to face you and the rest of the room, and you quickly snapped the journal open to skim it. Your eyes bulged when your thumb kept turning page, after page, after page. You glanced up at him to see him studying your reaction. "Is it acceptable?"

Acceptable? He'd given you a damn dissertation. "Yeah, I mean," You kept flipping pages and noticed questions you hadn't underlined answered. You flipped more, more, and noticed he'd answered every one. The hour hadn't been long at all, if this was the case. "You didn't have to answer every one, I can't fit them all in." Shit, he'd even answered that one? You hurriedly shut the journal before you could dive too deep into whatever swirled around his head. "Um, thank you." Heat tinged your cheeks. "You didn't have to do that, you didn't have to do any of this, really." Had he written them to actually help you, or was he trying to make you feel guilty? Every passing minute you spent with him only added to his mystique.

He shrugged, just as emotionless and guarded, but somehow emptier. "I figured. Now you have options."

Now the both of you were at a standstill. You'd finally gotten what you wanted. "I'll have to take some artistic liberty on how things were expressed. Fill in some exposition."

He nodded. Stayed still as a statue in the back of your living room, the glow of the kitchen lights lighting half his face.

You skimmed the column requirements internally, making sure you didn't conjure up a question the second he left forever. "You seemed to be acting... social, and laughing. Do you want me to go toward that?" This wasn't usually what happened—usually you wrote what you saw.

His blue eyes were bright and heavy. "Use your best judgement." His eyes darted around the mostly empty room, and you wondered if he was picking up on microscopic hairs on the ground, x-raying through the walls, photographing everything with one look. He existed in uncharted territory between normal and superhuman. You rocked from side to side to self-soothe, anxiety bubbling in your gut. "Anything else you need help packing?"

Your head shake came before you'd even thought about if it was true. "I'm good."

Almost invisibly, he cocked an eyebrow. "You sure?"

Another autopilot response. "Yeah. Thanks though." This whole exchange felt surreal, between the weight of his presence and the weight of the column. You couldn't submit to your anxieties until you'd finished typing it or you'd freeze into a ball of overwhelm. Bruce walked toward your door with a slower, steadier gait, almost lingering, but there was no way you could internalize that. He doesn't want to stay, he wants to get the fuck out of here. How much restraint is it taking for him not to just bolt and say 'sayonara'?

... did you want him to linger? "Bruce." He turned across his shoulder, with his hand on the doorknob.

"Thanks again. This will really help me out. And the money, I'm still mad you didn't talk to me, that's messed up but," Quick, sharp exhale. "It's really helping my family." In the silence after, you wanted to tell him she was starting a new treatment, you wanted to tell him how it was going, you wanted to talk to him. After this you'd never see each other again, and it was... affecting. You still thought it was a bribe, you still thought it was to help you keep quiet, you still thought he was scary, and unnerving, and spoiled. But he hadn't hurt you yet.

He nodded, feeling like a 'you're welcome' would've been sorely misplaced. Seeing you stand in your kitchen, heels off, hair messy, dress wrinkled from cleaning, it all felt so normal. He felt an insanely persuasive urge to move toward that, to bathe in it, to finally let his chest relax, his shoulders drop and escape into everyday nothingness. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." The sound of both your voices in the abject silence was isolated and stark.

"Why do you hate Gotham?"

You fought the urge to sigh at him opening the can of worms again. "I'm just not built for it." He stared at you like you hadn't said a thing, his expression unchanged, still as a stump. You feared if you shrugged again your shoulders would pinch a nerve. "It's too fast. Can't keep up."

He squinted. "You can be honest."

"I am." But you quickly lost the defensiveness. "I have a friend here who loves it. She's thriving, she's not phased. But..." You stared at the wall beside him floating somewhere between here and Washington. The length of today, last night, and tomorrow was weighing on you. If you thought about this much longer you'd crumble back into your existential crisis. You didn't finish your sentence.

Bruce didn't know why his stomach clenched seeing you look sad, much like he didn't know why he'd felt the same pang at city hall... before you'd blackmailed him. But now you'd already done that, the interview was done, you were leaving the next morning, and the sensitivity remained. "What?" His voice was gentler, warmer. Your throat constricted, preparing for tears you begged your body to suppress. "She's tougher than I am."

He didn't miss a beat with his response. "You seem pretty tough to me."

"Yeah, sure." Please leave. I'm about to cry.

He was lingering, and at this point he fully knew it. He hadn't realized that, if he was successful with his newfound persona, no one else would ever know his identity. The thought was sobering, seeing how he'd taken for granted someone else knowing. The second he stepped out of the room he had no one to go to ever again outside of Alfred, and with his age... he'd be resigned to spending the rest of his life alone. Why was he worried about this? Why was he thinking about this?

He noticed the tears welling in your eyes. Was it your mom?

"What?"

Shit. The stress of the evening was wearing on him. He didn't make mistakes like that. "You don't have to answer that."

He'd said it like he hadn't intended to. His eyes searched the ground like he was searching for a way out. What the fuck's the harm in it now? The tears had been beckoned, you knew he saw you shaking... you almost gave in, but you couldn't even chance a look up at him under such wuthering eye contact, let alone talk about the complicated, insidious grief that was your mom's illness. You shook your head at him and leaned your hip against the counter, hoping he wouldn't say another word, praying he would just leave. Your heart raced, and only sped up further when you saw him take a step toward you. "Stop. I'm fine." It came out harsher than you intended, and you only doubled down on it when you saw his brow furrow through the crest of tears threatening to cascade past your waterline.

He wouldn't stop staring at you. You decided to face his eye contact unflinchingly, letting the tears stream down your cheeks without comment. His eyes squinted slightly, following the path of each tear down your cheek as if he were caressing each one, holding its weight, soothing it. His chest puffed like he was drawing in air to speak, and you intercepted, shame pummeling you indiscriminately. Fuck, his presence made you feel so vulnerable, so seen, it was excruciating and untenable. On impulse, you lashed out. "Can you just leave already?"

He looked away and nodded. You could barely see through drowning tears but he looked ruffled, sensitive, a bit upset. Almost like he was kicking himself for letting the question slip at all. He turned and opened the door to the empty, dark hallway, with its smattering of tiny nightlights an inch above the carpet. You squeezed your eyes shut tight, white-knuckling gut-wrenching sobs away. He paused halfway out the door, and your ears strained for any whisper from him, but nothing came. The click of the front door dropped you to your knees, choking out cries and stifling pained screams. The devastating loneliness was inescapably stitched into your side, stomping its dirty, muddy feet all over the parts of you that clung to hope.

In the same instant, the shame intensified; not only did you feel shameful feeling so vulnerable in front of Bruce fucking Wayne, the shame of casting him aside and being so curt mingled with severe FOMO of being able to tell someone who was willing to listen. He was willing to listen to me, and I fucked it. When will anyone else be willing to listen? You shoved yourself up off your knees and flung yourself toward the door, whipping it open to look down the hallway.

Silence. Unadulterated, empty halls. Punch to the gut.

You woke up the next morning plagued by the weight of the night before. After the sob session, you’d spent the next few hours typing, editing, formatting, and finally printing it at the 24 hour office a few floors below you. A solid hour was spent just reading through all of what he had written in your notebook: not only had he answered every question, he had given multiple paragraphs of answers to a few of them. Some of his answers had been so transparent you had to flip pages before more guilt visited about turning him away so coldly. What is your most treasured memory? was answered with this:

I remember camping with my parents once. It was the only time we went out as family in private. It was by a river, and I couldn't sleep because of the rushing water. My father woke up and walked me to it; we sat there in the grassy, dirty rock, and everything went quiet. He talked to me about the current, told me how it eroded the rocks underneath, pointed his flashlight at trout jumping above water. He let me dip my feet in, and I clung to his hand. It was steadying. I looked up and saw the stars—you can't see them in Gotham. It was the first time I felt real. I could see the size of the universe. He toweled off my feet before getting back into the tent. The next morning he got called for surgery, and we left. I asked him to come back, and he promised we would. Two weeks later they died. I haven't felt that feeling since. I cherish it.

You couldn't even think about publishing that. Most of it was relatively benign besides, as he answered much of the 'deeper' questions through the new playboy lens, talking extensively about yachting, spas, hunting trips, tennis, and other activities of the elite. The only other ones you'd felt had any real truth to them was What do you hope you grow out of? (He hoped to grow out of needing to 'save' everyone, which felt like a Freudian slip it was so candid), and the one that had caught your eye last night: What, if anything, makes you nervous? You were surprised he spoke frankly still; he was nervous about going to events, nervous when he put on the suit (that shocked you), and generally only didn't feel nervous when he was home with Alfred.

Except, there had been a question he left entirely unanswered: Say it's the end of the world: how would you spend your last day? You couldn't read too much into it before you slipped the copy into your backpack and set off to campus.

Dr. Vry will be thrilled. Finally, the first interview with Bruce Wayne! Finally, the journalism department could be saved! Huzzah! You snickered to yourself as you scurried through the last few blocks. Every footstep felt like a simultaneous step toward freedom and to the gallows; freedom from Gotham, imprisoned in small-town America destined to float around from dead-end job to dead-end job, with no friends and, potentially sooner rather than later, no family to show for it either.

Steps, steps, and more steps, then the old familiar hallway. I've made her happy. I did what I said I would. This is exactly what she wanted. You were stopped in your tracks by a spectacled man in the doorway of Dr. Vry's office. He looked over and motioned for you to come in, looking busied and lost in thought, even as he finished his sentence to her. Dr. Vry nodded for you to take the chair across from her, and you sidled past the stranger to slip into the seat. Like a switch flipped, all eyes aimed at you before you could even adjust in the seat. They stared at you a moment, and you held out your folder, plopping it neatly on the desk in front of her. You opened your mouth to tell her you'd gotten the interview, but the man intercepted. The folder laid untouched between you and your former professor.

"Ms. Y/L/N. My name is Dr. Jonathan Crane, I'm the lead psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum. I wanted to meet with you this morning to discuss an urgent matter." He held out a stiff hand, and it was cold when you touched it; clinical, transactional. Thoughts swirled in the backrooms of your mind of how much warmer and more inviting Bruce's handshake was. You wondered what a psychiatrist was needed for; you stifled a chuckle thinking Dr. Vry was going to try therapizing you to persuade you to stay. Except the room was grim and heavy, and the silence weighed fifteen tons. You nodded at the both of them, your eyes shifting between in search of words that would close the chasm between what they knew and you didn't.

Dr. Crane took a horrifyingly deep breath, so deep there was a shudder at the end of his inhale. "Before we begin, this is highly confidential information that must be handled with the utmost care. In that spirit, in order to share this with you it is necessary to sign an NDA." The man with startlingly blue eyes unsheathed a stapled collection of papers from his bag that sat against the leg of the desk. The top of the paper read: RELEASE OF PERSONAL HEALTH INFORMATION – HIPAA REQUIREMENTS.

Dr. Vry nodded at you and bowed out of the room, saying she would be back as soon as 'Crane' welcomed her back inside. As soon as she shut the door, Dr. Crane announced he was going to be locking the door, and if you consented. You agreed, tentatively, adrenaline beginning to tense your muscles to fight. After the door clicked and the lock turned, he sat down a white noise machine by the door. "To enhance privacy." He gestured for you to look over the small packet, and you obliged.

There was a section underneath the title which had options, and one checked: If patient does not consent to release of records but professional judgement necessitates a duty to warn. Another box was checked underneath it, too: Imminent risk of harm to self or others. Your name was listed under the section Affected Parties, for which there were only two lines. The name right above yours: Alfred Pennyworth.

You looked up with your mouth fallen halfway open. "I don't..."

"You do not have to sign, but this ensures we stay as trauma-informed as possible for our vulnerable patients. This document simply states that you will not share or discuss this information with anyone outside of myself. The line for signature is on the third page." You skimmed the large-printed paper, and didn't see anything of note. You signed, but your signature was shaky, scrambled.

"Thank you, Ms. Y/L/N. We will make this quick, and I will only share information relevant to you." He stashed the document and took Dr. Vry's seat across from you. He looked very psychological, if someone could even look that way. Rectangular, rimless glasses in sterile steel; a scholarly suit that you'd imagine someone teaching at some place like Oxford would be outfit in. Brown blazer, white collared shirt tucked under a chunky knit sweater, a red tie peeking out. His fingernails were clean and trim, his face entirely smooth like he weren't even capable of growing a beard. You wrung your hands under the table, nervous that he was psychoanalyzing you as you both sat. His eye contact was unwavering; if you thought Bruce's was intimidating, this was terrifying. He didn't even blink.

"In preface, this is not an investigation. We are keeping things very close to the chest for the time being. We do not think you at fault for last night's events, this is purely an attempt at safety planning." By this point you were feeling dizzy. Heart-pounding. He paused too long, this wasn't right. Just as you were about to burst and shout for him to SPEAK, he clasped his hands together gently above the table and sighed. "Late last night at just past 10pm, Mr. Wayne attempted suicide."

You went still, tinnitus loud between your ears, fuzzing up the edges of your vision. He continued, as if you weren't visibly unable to process new information in such shock. "He's currently in the medical ward at Arkham receiving treatment. He'll be fine, for now."

The for now sat like a boulder in your gut. You sat further up in the chair and leaned your head down, bile rising in your throat. I'm gonna vomit. And vomit. And keep vomiting. You tried to speak but nothing came out, not even a squeak. Bruce had seemed sad when he left, sure, but he always seemed sad. Nothing alerted you to danger, but... you thought back to how he plopped down in the puddle, how weird the city hall meeting felt with him, the desperate humility tinging his aura and painting his behavior. A personality change. Suddenly you felt like an idiot. You felt like an idiot not taking more care when he opened up to you, not seeing it for what it was. His lingering. Was it a last-ditch effort toward connection? For someone to intervene? The unanswered question, you snapping at him... your gut knotted with guilt; you felt woozy. "I could've saved him, I met with him, I talked to him,"

"Hey." Dr. Crane reached out and placed a hand on your trembling wrist. "You couldn't have known." He gave a small grin that didn't reach his eyes. He had no smile lines there at all, actually. God, your mind swirled. "I know that he met with you, he told me. That's why I'm here, you were the last point of contact."

Your eyes snapped up to his from the now bloody hangnail you'd picked off during this conversation. He hadn't called Alfred for a ride? The thought of him leaving your apartment to wander around downtown, suicidal... fuck. Crane didn't waste time getting to the point. "He asked to see you. Multiple times, in fact. He said you worked for the Gazette, and I got in contact with Janay this morning."

"He wants me to see him?" Your face was scrunched with concern, your body vibrating with grief. Why would he want to see me? I was a fucking jerk. I probably pushed him over the edge, fuck, fuck. What did he do? Why did he do it? "What did he, what did he do?"

Dr. Crane shook his head. "I cannot disclose specifics unless he gives explicit consent. I only came here to safety plan."

Safety plan. He said that again. "What does that mean? You want me to see him?"

"Not quite." He adjusted his glasses and leaned closer. "It appears he's been in a mental decline for some time. He needs treatment, and in the meantime we need you to help monitor his safety."

He could see by your visible confusion you didn't have half the information you needed to make an informed decision. "I'm definitely not trained for that," Yeah, you weren't, but he didn't know that you were worried you had actively made his suicidality worse.

"If you agree, I will personally ensure you receive deescalation training and psychoeducation around psychotic disorders. You'll have my number, and if anything goes awry, I will respond swiftly and immediately."

It wasn't clicking. Why me? What about Alfred? But you were afraid to ask. Why had he asked for you in the first place? Why did he try to kill himself at all? Was it something you said? Something you didn't say? Was that insatiable urge to hug him a fucking cry from the universe to fucking do something?

"Janay informed me you were leaving your post here, and that you permanently reside outside of Gotham." Dr. Crane put a hand on the tabletop and peered at you with piercingly blue eyes. They were icy, and cold. Is that even legal for her to give out? "I say this with utmost delicacy, Ms. Y/L/N; you are at no fault for his self-injurious behavior, but my clinical judgement paired with his trauma history leads me to believe your leaving pushed him over the edge." He leaned in closer to you, his expression clinical, distant, with a tinge of rehearsed compassion from a one-week training on bedside manner.

Discordant guilt flushed through you. It wasn't your fault, but it was? You weren't at fault, but something you did made him decide to take his own life? "If he needs to be watched, I can't do that, he wouldn't even want that, I'm not trained," Hot, salty tears stung your lash line as your anxieties poured out of you. "I don't know him, I don't know how to help him,"

"You may not think so, but as far as his next-of-kin explained, he doesn't have many social contacts. You seem of particular importance to him." He glanced at the folder discarded on the table. "Even trusting you to give his first interview, impressive."

You sat, slumped in the cold, hard chair. The thoughts had quieted to a fuzzy, helpless sensation, but nothing concrete outside of the gripping, visceral feeling of I fucked up. Dr. Crane spoke again. "Believe me, this is certainly unconventional. However, his status as a public figure is critical context. He is refusing long-term care, and after the 24 hour hold there's nothing we can do to prevent this happening again."

"What about therapy, medication?"

"That's the very issue we've run into and why your cooperation is imperative. Mr. Wayne is refusing any medical intervention. As far as my assessment goes, he is not answering the risk assessments honestly. He's a smart man, knows how to work the system. I'm concerned if you do not agree to this, there will be nothing we can do to save the last member of the Wayne estate."

At this point you felt as if you were floating above your body. The stakes were too high, everywhere. Too high with your mom, too high with this, too high with the interview. How were you critically involved in the continuation of both Bruce Wayne's life and a major department at one of the biggest universities in the country? Anger boiled up in you, overtaking the shock and sadness. You were helpless; how were you supposed to say no? Whenever you stepped into this room you were made to feel like you had all the power in the world, yet you were so quickly discarded if you tried to take up any actual space. He sensed a clear shift, because he spoke up quickly. "This time is crucial and temporary. I have reason to believe that after no more than a few weeks, he will be able to stabilize with medication-assisted therapy. Then your post is finished."

"You want me to convince him to get help?"

"Precisely." He pushed up his glasses with his pointer finger.

"What about the other name on the form? Alfred Pennyworth?" Would be weird to name him as his butler.

Dr. Crane sighed, like he was giving up information he really didn't want to share. "I met with Mr. Pennyworth last night upon Mr. Wayne's arrival from Gotham General. I'm afraid he's already been trying to convince him for many months to begin therapy; Mr. Pennyworth worried that might have been a trigger in itself."

Fear ballooned in you. "Then wouldn't it be the same for me? I know him even less, I really don't think a single interview signifies..." you trailed off. How is me going to one city hall meeting a week enough? Does he know how often I see him? You imagined Bruce alone in some dark room, the walls covered in soft, spongy material. Chained to a bed. If those dark thoughts crept in again, at any other point in the week, there would be nothing you could do. You were afraid the responsibility of keeping him alive would consume you, and if it didn't succeed... christ. No matter what anyone told you, no matter if a higher power came down and denied your fault themselves, you'd never be able to forgive yourself.

Dr. Crane's face was grim, and he spoke like you'd already signed the dotted line. "All you can do is try.”

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bluecatwriter · 3 months

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I watched the Wildhorn/Black/Hampton Dracula rock opera!

Okay, okay, okay. As some of you know, one of the guys in my theater troupe got me comp tickets to see him in Dracula: The Musical. You guys. It was an EGREGIOUS adaptation that didn't even make narrative sense on its own terms. I also had a TOTAL BLAST.

If you like the musical, no shade to you— please just keep scrolling and like what you like! However, I had so many thoughts about this that I had to word-vomit about it, and thought some of you might have fun reading my thoughts on the good, the bad, and ugly for 3,000 words.

TL:DR: Very fun experience, so glad I went, the play's narrative choices make me want to throw hands in a Denny's parking lot, much dunking/adaptation-hate ahead, my friends are amazing, I'm writing my own play now.

(CW discussion of rape, ableism, drug use, suicide)

-First of all, everyone take a moment to appreciate my eyeliner. I do not usually draw eyeliner that well so I was very proud of myself.

-I went with my sister, since we both knew people in the cast. (I thought we knew three, but we actually knew four: the actors who played Dracula, Mina, Lucy, and Quincey.) My sister didn't know anything about Dracula except what she'd picked up from my incoherent ramblings (which I generally keep to a minimum around her).

-It was a black-box theater, which I didn't expect: six or so rows of chairs on each side of the theater, facing each other across the relatively small room, with the stage in the middle and a live orchestra (!!!) on one end. The set was a minimalist Gothic castle design, with windows, a freestanding moving wall, and a large platform that, throughout the play, served as Dracula's coffin, a table, Lucy's bed, Lucy's coffin, and just a general place to stand and sing in a badass way. I absolutely LOVE black box shows because they're so intimate: you can almost reach out and touch the actors, and you can see every minute facial expression and gesture, the light glittering in their eyes, and so on. (Acting in a black box theater is much more like movie acting because the audience can see what you're doing with your eyes in a way that regular theater doesn't allow, meaning that things like eye contact between characters is much more electric and effective.)

-The sound design and lighting effects were doing a lot of heavy lifting in this show, and they nailed it. Very spooky!

-The play began with the weird sisters, and they were consistently my favorite part of the play— the actresses killed it (ha), bringing an intense, spooky energy to the story, often serving as narrators, background singers, extras, special effects handlers (such as portraying the wreck of the Demeter), and the physical manifestation of Dracula's will/presence. They were AWESOME.

-I had decided in advance that this play was a fanfiction written by Dracula about himself, and nothing about the show dissuaded me from this idea. The guy who played Dracula served major cunt from the moment he stepped onstage, wearing leather pants with laces up the side and a big sweeping coat and a huge amount of eyeliner that really brought out his unnervingly blue eyes. ("All guys should wear eyeliner and leather pants," I joked to my sister after the show, and she responded, with the most haunted look I've ever seen, "I agree about the eyeliner, but not the pants. I lived in San Francisco for three years, and you know not what you speak of. There are things I cannot unsee.")

-Actually, to be honest I liked Dracula's characterization (until the end; see below); whether because of the director or the actor or both, this version really did not downplay what a bastard he is. He was incredibly ruthless, in all senses of the word: focused on a single goal and not caring who got mowed down in the process. Anytime his sung lines talked about him being lonely or sad or whatever, the actor played it off as him trying to garner sympathy from his listener, rather than expressing his true feelings, which was a directing/acting choice I really appreciated.

-When Jonathan came on stage (from the door just a few feet away) I nearly squealed with delight! He just RADIATED "biggest sweetheart you've ever met" energy: tall and lanky and with a scruffy lil beard and clothes that didn't quite fit. I was in love with him from the beginning. Also he got to mention his Kodak camera, and I remembered that I could not actually cheer at moments like that because that would be weird.

-The Dracula-Mina "romance" was introduced very early, which I appreciated; from a storytelling perspective, it was good to have that continuous thread. Dracula looks at a picture of Mina, mentions how young she is, asks Jonathan if she is "pure," and then decides that they're soulmates. It was SO PERVY. Once again, I loved the Dracula characterization. If only it had stayed one-sided…

-I was fortunately warned that in this version Jonathan takes the crucifix off so the weird sisters can continue attacking him, but I still had to suppress a "BOOOOO!" (I did whisper "NOT CANON!" to my sister, and later she said that when that happened in the play she was like, "Oh, okay, I don't care what happens to this guy now.") But I guess it did have the effect of making him less sympathetic, which served the story the play was trying to tell.

-I was pleased that there was a Drac-drinking-from-Jonathan scene, and consistent with the storytelling, Drac had a whole song about how he needs Jonathan's blood so he can be young and hot and go seduce Mina (which, again, fits with the story they were telling). They decided not to have any sexual tension between Dracula and Jonathan, so the blood-drinking scene was pretty brutal (complimentary)— Jonathan laid out on the platform with Drac just. gnawing on his neck while Jonathan writhed and convulsed. It was still kinda hot though not gonna lie

-Lucy's characterization at first was pretty interesting, because her song about the three suitors (and the directing/acting) made it seem like she was just kinda stuck with three mediocre choices, and chose the least offensive one (Arthur, who she describes as boring and can't even think of one nice thing to say about him) and tried to convince herself that she would be happy. This was honestly the biggest moment where I had to just squirm in my seat to keep from actively booing. Don't be so mean 2 my boy! From a storytelling perspective, it wasn't clear at all why she chose Arthur, because Quincey was the only one of the suitors who had any personality at all (even Jack was bland. JACK. WAS BLAND. YOU COULDN'T HAVE HIM SIT ON HIS HAT OR AT LEAST FIDDLE WITH HIS LANCET? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???). Anyway, Arthur was actually totally fine after that song (and had some nice lines in the group songs).

-Meanwhile, Drac is creeping on Mina by entering her thoughts without her consent and being like, "We're soulmates," and she just…. goes along with it???? With literally no rhyme or reason to her decision???? I know some of this is that I hate the whole concept of soulmates, but I expected at least SOME justification for why she was interested in him. There was no indication she was unhappy with Jonathan; there was no hint of any emotional connection; there wasn't even some weird "reincarnated lover" story to try to soften how incredibly strange it felt that Mina was randomly in love with this guy's voice in her head. His baritone is sexy BUT IT IS NOT THAT SEXY. GIRL PLEASE.

-In this version Dracula bites Lucy because he's trying to call Mina to him and Lucy comes by accident and he's like, "Well, nothin' I can do about that. CHOMP." Which, again, I honestly liked this characterization because he's not apologetic about who he is; he is just destroying everyone in his way and not caring about them as people. He just has a goal and he'll do anything to reach it.

-Then of course Lucy's like, "Oooh that was actually so sexy and I never want to wake up from that dream of him chomping on my throat." The directly seemed to imply that being bitten by a vampire just. instantly turns you into something that's not yourself, so I could kinda excuse it if I squinted, but it was still pretty icky.

-Renfield got to stab Jack! My sister felt sorry for Jack (because all his unethical science got shaved off in this adaptation) and I was just like, "YESSS RENFIELD YOU GO!"

-Jonathan shows up again, in a wheelchair (a really cool old-fashioned one), and Mina goes to marry him, and their marriage is paralleled with Lucy and Arthur's while Drac looms in the background. The double wedding was a nice staging choice, although the optics of Mina somewhat reluctantly marrying disabled Jonathan while abled Dracula is standing by being All Sexy was… uh, it was not great. But on the plus side, maybe it emphasizes the ableism that a lot of people have toward Jonathan's disabilities in the story, bringing them out into the open? (I am grasping at straws here.)

-Van Helsing was perfect! The actor had wild gray hair and forehead bumps and a tenor voice that could shatter your heart into a million pieces. He did a great job of having the "weird professor" vibes even though his lines were more coherent and to-the-point than they are in the book.

-No blood transfusions, sadly, but I see why they cut that part.

-Lucy turning vamp was very well done. I think I should mention at this point that the actors who played Dracula and Lucy are actually married to each other in real life, and they had really crackling chemistry and it was clear in every scene they were together that they were having just the best time. "Life After Life" was my second-favorite song in the play because it's just Dracula sending Lucy out to eat people— and again, both actors were clearly having SO MUCH FUN performing this song together. At the end of the scene I was all pumped up, like, "Yeah Lucy! Go eat some people!!!"

-Intermission. I told my sister this was like the part in Rashomon where the rapist tells the court his point of view and is like, "Oh, she totally wanted it." My sister shook her head at me and chuckled.

-The graveyard/Bloofer Lady scene was genuinely horrifying; Lucy's actress did an AMAZING job of amping up the horror, beginning the scene by cradling a baby and singing it a lullaby, then just CHOMPING down on it, and throwing it down and hissing like an animal when the Crew of Light approached her. Mina and Jonathan were in that scene, too, and even though Mina didn't have any lines, seeing her reacting to it (rushing to grab the child, dodging out of Bloofer!Lucy's snapping jaws) gave the scene a lot of emotional intensity.

-Both Bloofer!Lucy's death and Renfield's death were directed beautifully; they were both somewhat quiet, almost slow motion, focused not on the violence but on the emotional weight of both their lives ending.

-Jonathan and Arthur, while both being incredibly bland characters, have I think more dialogue in this play than they do in the book. Every time they spoke I was like, :D :D :D! My blorbos!!!

-Throughout Mina's whole song "Please Don't Make Me Love You" (sung, of course, to Dracula) I focused VERY HARD on my friend's amazing acting, her beautiful voice, the way she was playing this with absolute conviction, while in the back of my head I was screaming. Just a primal, Nazgul-like shriek. GIRL WHY (I think my sister was amused by how much I was squirming)

-Van Helsing has a nice little song about his dead wife, saying that it was a vampire that killed her and that's why he's a vampire hunter now. He was also shooting up with a comically large syringe during this song, but sure, yeah, that's fine. Like I said, his voice was SO BEAUTIFUL, so I was entranced. If only he had gotten a chance to find connection and family ties in order to continue that character arc HINT HINT

-Ah, then we get the Blood Baptism scene. Mina sings a song about how she doesn't want to run away (because of that sexy baritone voice I guess) so she invites Dracula into her room, he knocks out Jonathan, and then they make out over Jonathan's body. Le sigh. The funniest part of this scene is that they had her drink from his chest but they didn't use any fake blood, so he just unbuttons his shirt and she buries her face in his boobs, no context. I asked my sister afterward, "What did you think was going on in that scene?" and she said, "I figured she was drinking from his vampire-milk titties."

-Van Helsing and Dracula got an "I will take you down!"-style song that was actually really cool.

-Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, BOOK-CANON MINA SHOWS UP! She was in a wheelchair now (a great directing choice, I thought), and demanded that Van Helsing hypnotize her, insisted on them keeping the information from her so that Dracula can't get to it, makes them all vow to kill her, and figures out where Dracula is going based on the maps. I was like THERE SHE IS! THERE'S MY GIRL! …But unfortunately this characterization makes no sense in the story the musical is actually telling. Why is Mina leading them to him? Why is she taking such pains to make sure Dracula is not warned of their coming? It didn't fit with any of her characterization in the rest of the play (and especially not with the ending), so it felt really cobbled-together and odd.

-Also Jonathan vows to kill her and there's a whole song about how sad he is that he will have to do that. I was gritting my teeth the whole song being like It's a storytelling choice it's a storytelling choice it's a storytelling choice it's a storytelling choice it's a

-Okay. YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS. The song "Deep in the Darkest Night" WAS AMAZING. It's a song by the Crew of Light (and in this version, sung by all six of them, including Mina) about their quest, and how they must be points of light in the darkness. It was SO BEAUTIFUL and SO THEMATICALLY ON POINT and it was EVERYTHING I WANTED from a Dracula musical and it is a CRIME that the whole play was not built around these themes and motifs!! *chewing on the scenery* Also, holy cow, everyone in the cast could sing like nothing else. Full-body chills. Stunning, incredible, showstopping, no notes.

-In one of the hypnotic sessions, Dracula came to stand behind Mina and they sang a duet, a reprise of "Life After Life" (the song for Bloofer!Lucy), and that was an incredibly effective storytelling choice (also their voices just blended so. well. together that even in the songs I hated, I still got chills because their voices were SO DANG BEAUTIFUL TOGETHER). Again, I am haunted by what this play could've been if the Drac/Mina thing was one-sided.

-In this version, Quincey gives Mina his Bowie knife for protection, which I thought was sweet.

-Drac has a big sad-boy song about how he's actually in love with Mina now. BOOHOO MOTHERFUCKER. NO ONE CARES.

-Quincey got killed by trying to stake Dracula and Drac grabbing the stake and shoving it into his stomach. (My sister gasped and squeaked, "No!" when this happened.)

-Meanwhile, Van Helsing and Mina get separated, and Mina has a whole song about how she's made her final decision: she's gonna become a vampire and live with Dracula forever. At this point in the play I was like, Okay, girl, whatever, you do you…

-But then. BUT THEN. *frothing at the mouth*

-(Don Black and Christopher Hampton meet me in the Denny's parking lot I just want to talk)

-Drac's like, "Ooooh no actually I don't want you to be a vampire so you need to kill me now."

-Mina's like, "Nooooo this makes me so sad I have chosen to be a vampire and it is what I truly want!"

-Drac's like "Nobody cares what you want because the authors couldn't care less about your agency as a person"

-Mina's like "nooooooooo i'm so saaaaaad!"

-(Me: *still frothing at the mouth*)

-Finally, weeping, she takes Quincey's knife and places it over his heart.

-And then SHE DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING KILL HIM HE JUST GRABS HER HAND WITH THE KNIFE IN IT AND KILLS HIMSELF

-Like, I am just so mad that Mina doesn't even get the tiniest bit of agency here at the end. She is just blown about by the whims of the men, and at the end none of her narrative choices are respected in any way. A lot of this is, I'm sure, the directing for this particular performance: if I were trying to make this ending a bit more narratively satisfying, I would give Mina a moment where you can see her agreeing with him and deciding to kill him herself. This ending just felt… cheap. It didn't even form a satisfying closing even based on the rules of its own storytelling. It was so ridiculous that I actually had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing.

-After the show we got to talk to all our friends who were in it and it was easy to sincerely compliment them because they all did an AMAZING job. I feel so honored to be friends with such amazingly talented people!

-We drove home in a lightning storm while blasting Blondie's song "One Way or Another" (my sister said she was thinking of this song all through the Drac/Mina story arc) and singing loudly along. "ONE WAY OR ANOTHER/I'M GONNA FIND YA/I'M GONNA GETCHA GETCHA GETCHA GETCHA!"

-I asked her which two characters she thought I shipped the most and she guessed Jonathan/Quincey. Not a bad guess.

-Got home, rambled to my very tired spouse, curled up in bed, turned to him and said, "I promise to never leave you for some random dude who speaks in my head and says we're soulmates," and he replied, "And I promise to never leave you for three sexy vampire ladies," and if that's not a wedding vow renewal I don't know what is.

-Laid awake for nearly two hours brainstorming a Dracula play (not a musical, I'm not that talented). And, uh… yeah. A script is gonna happen. I've written plenty of plays (and co-directed/co-produced a few times), so it's definitely in my wheelhouse, and my brain will not shut up with ideas. So! *tosses it onto list of creative projects*

----

(P.S. If you reblog, please don't tag this as the Dracula musical because I don't want any fans to be exposed to the hate. Thanks!)

#my writing #i guess???#dracula daily #dracula daily spoilers #i am still so amped up a day later #tw scopophobia #character hate

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brawlingdiscontent · 23 days

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CW: Mentions of death and suicide, spoilers for all of Interview with the Vampire season 2

In season 2, episode 5, “Don’t be afraid, just start the tape,” a number of key questions circle around Daniel and Louis: Why did Louis pick Daniel to go home with him? Why did he ultimately save Daniel from Armand? This post unpacks these through a close reading of the episode and explores how they shed light on 2022 Louis’ character arc. (AKA, I decided to be a huge dork about this episode!)

Near the top of the episode, Daniel raises his “outstanding questions” about 1973 with Louis: “...like why you talked to me in the first place?” He doesn’t buy Louis’ unsatisfactory and avoidant answers, but Louis succeeds in dodging his questions with another – “What’s the next thing you remember?”

In the flashback, we see Louis reject Daniel’s sexual proposition because, as 2022 Louis tells Daniel, “you offered something off the menu.” But what, exactly, is that?

Louis’ problem is his inability to examine or work through the massive amount of pain he carries, relying instead on various strategies of avoidance (which, for example, form the spine of his Paris life). The result is Louis’ dissociation and separation from himself. In 1973, the resulting internal pressure has culminated in a self-destructive spiral (128 boys) from which Louis desperately needs an outlet—which leads to what present-day Daniel describes as a “floundering” Louis, “eager to spill” “tape after tape of emotional upchuck”—burning with the need to vent the pain held inside and repressed for so long.

Later Louis tells Armand, “the ten hours I spent with that boy were more exciting, more fascinating than decades spent with you!” which Armand mishears as Louis saying that DANIEL is fascinating (and obsesses over this—more on Armand later). But what Louis actually says is the hours spent together were exciting and fascinating, in other words, the experience Daniel afforded, the interview. So what was this experience?

While the interview is valuable, not just any interview or interviewer would do the trick. Daniel is more than ”an eager black hole” absorbing others’ stories, and the experience is more to Louis than just having a listening ear.

The key, surprisingly, lies at the point where Louis snaps. Deep in reflection and depression, Louis tells Daniel that after Claudia set off on her planned Europe trip he thought about killing himself, staying in the park until the sun came up. And instead of empathizing Daniel gets mad:

Daniel: “Are you kidding me? What, you were just gonna end it!? I mean, what about life? Like, joyrides and night swimming, and marriage, and cancer, and all of that till the death rattle? I mean we gotta carry all this shit and you had a ticket out and you were just gonna throw it away?..... you were given the gift, and I’ve been hearing you bitch the night about it.”

Upon Louis’ answering outrage, Daniel adds: “I mean, you don’t understand the meaning of your own story.”

While, to be clear, Daniel also doesn’t know the meaning of Louis’ story and his take on it is pretty bad (the meaning is ‘make Daniel a vampire??’) The provocation within these words and his call to life are very valuable. When Louis examines his existence he only finds meaning in pain, which makes him afraid to look closer and makes death seem the only viable escape. Daniel, even with all his struggles, affirms life through its challenges and prompts Louis to interrogate his own narratives about his story, which fixates on the burdens of vampiric existence.

Meanwhile, in Louis’ immediate environment, the only thing Armand knows how to affirm is death, which we soon watch him try to coax Daniel into. (Not taking sides on Armand, here. I think both Armand lovers and haters can agree that whatever else he may be he is a Sad Little Muffin). Throughout season two Armand repeatedly discourages Louis from engaging with his pain. For one brief example, in 2.1 when Louis cries when discussing Claudia with Daniel, Armand calls for a break and tells Louis he's ‘lost control of the interview’. I think we can read multiple motivations into Armand’s actions: that he’s intervening both for Louis’ sake as he’s afraid that confronting the pain will kill him (as it almost did that night in 1973) AND that he doesn’t want his lies exposed— he’s a complex creature.

Figuratively, for Louis’ arc, Armand represents fiction and illusion. That’s what the theatre’s about, and his big-boss persona hiding a fragile gremlin, and even his ‘Rashid’ disguise. He generally prefers pleasing fantasies and fictionalized narratives—including wilfully ignoring the reason that Louis is with him in 2022 (the name, unspoken in their home for 23 years)—to painful truth. In this respect and others, he is the exact counter to Daniel (which makes them such a fascinating pair).

Where Armand is death, Daniel is life. Where Armand is illusion, Daniel is truth. By offering the opposite of Louis’ current environment, life and truth, and giving him permission/encouragement to address his pain, Daniel becomes a source of fascination that Armand can’t pin down. (And how could he figure out that it’s Daniel’s joy for life and zest for truth that’s the source of Louis’ fascination, when Armand, himself, has little of his own.)

However, Louis doesn’t understand the gift that Daniel offers him in the moment. Instead, injured by the provocation, he lashes out and attacks Daniel. It’s what happens later, in the fight with Armand, that cracks things open for him.

Louis and Armand’s fight is the emotional equivalent of them digging their fingers in each other’s open wounds. One of the last things that Armand says to Louis before the latter runs onto the roof is: “...[Claudia] didn’t love you, not like he did. Not like I have.” Louis says, “I know. I know! Yes. I know. Thank you for saying it. It’s all creeping back…” And then after some more raving and a, “She’s calling me”, now high off his mind from Daniel’s drug-laced blood, Louis runs onto the roof.

Louis running out into the daylight is not so much a deliberate suicide attempt as it is an externalization of his pain, triggered by the memories. His burnt and charred body actualizes the pain that he always carries inside, like a festering wound, but is only now facing.

While in this painful moment of (literal) exposure, Louis is living out the show’s tagline “memory is a monster” an alternate tagline could also be drawn from it – “the truth, even if painful, will set you free’—which Louis comes to recognize. His pained “thank you for saying it” to Armand after the latter's devastating remarks about Claudia is about Louis’ need to confront the pain. I’m not at all saying that Claudia didn’t love Louis (even Armand’s wording modifies this “not like he did. Not like I have”), but rather that Armand’s words, combined with Daniel’s assertion that Louis doesn’t know the meaning of his own story, draw attention to the fact that the narrative he’s been crafting for himself is one that both preserves his pain, and avoids engaging with or working through it. (Which will eventually lead to bigger discoveries like “I didn’t realize it was a gift”.)

Despite the horrific experience of being burned, as he lies in bed recovering Louis finds that the remembering is worth it, making him realize the value of Daniel’s questioning—and feel the need to return the gift by saving Daniel’s life, where only a few days before he would have drained him had Armand not intervened.

Daniel doesn’t need to live as a testament to Louis and Armand’s relationship—that’s just the bullshit Louis tells Armand to get him to go along with it. Daniel’s high off his mind, but his instincts have helped Louis to see that Louis’ own is one of the “stories that need telling,” and handed him the key he needs to move through his grief. My favourite little detail about this scene is the light hanging above Daniel’s head as Louis offers his pep talk. Daniel sheds light for Louis, so Louis, in exchange, offers him a different kind of metaphorical light: words for when things get tough. They offer each other mutual support (best bros!!)—in a way that Louis’ two hubbies have so far been unable to do.

Unfortunately, when Armand wipes Louis’ memories of this encounter, the guiding light Daniel offered is gone, too—instead going on to become a central part of Louis' season two character arc once the memories are recovered.

The question then emerges—if Daniel’s speech was so valuable and healing, why the memory wipes?

There’s two options: Louis may have recognized the value of what Daniel offered but have still been unprepared to examine his pain, and so asked Armand to erase the memories. The other option is that, Armand, worried about another suicide attempt and Louis leaving him, took away that choice for him by erasing the memory. (What really strikes me here are the parallels between Armand and Lestat. Lestat kidnaps Claudia and threatens to kill her to prevent Louis from leaving him but also out of a desire to save Louis’ life, given his despair at Claudia’s absence. Armand arguably operates in the same way. Both do messed up things for somewhat pure as well as selfish reasons).

I think what actually happened could be somewhere in the middle of these two options—Armand manipulating/convincing Louis into erasing the memory, and a pained, still-healing Louis agreeing. And then of course, in typical Armand fashion, when the topic comes up, he dodges accountability with a, ‘But it was your idea, babe.’)

And yet, we see the effectiveness of Daniel’s intervention through the progress they make in the new interview session and once Louis recovers these memories in 2022—for example, we see Louis go from torturing Daniel for probing too far into Claudia, to facing deeply painful memories of her and acceding to Lestat’s version of the story of Claudia’s turning.

As a form of summary, we actually see this whole dynamic I’ve detailed play out in the beginning of the episode in Dubai (and that’s what’s so perfect about the writing!!)—when Daniel says ‘grab that’ and Louis asks about what he’s grabbing:

Louis (recorded): “Funny thing, trying to remember what occupied one’s time, when one was ignorant of the plotting around him.” Daniel: It’s a thing with syntax, I see it a lot. The impersonal pronoun ‘one’—one’s time, one didn’t—becomes the third person ‘him’. Stops being ‘I’ or ‘me’. Louis: And that indicates what? Daniel: You’re circling something, you’re getting close to something you want distance from. Language as a chicken exit on a roller coaster. Armand: Or it’s daytime and a vampire of Louis’ age is fighting the narcoleptic pull of the sun.

It’s the same ditty - Louis dissociates, Daniel identifies the pain point, and Armand tries to change the subject.

What’s lovely, then, is how this little exchange is prologue to the past playing out yet again the present. And so it comes to pass a few episodes later that Daniel uses his skills as a “bright young reporter with a point of view” to once again shine a light for Louis, getting him to see past the pain, and exposing the truth (Daniel voice: He didn’t save you, Lestat did!)

In conclusion: Best bros 4 eva!!

Thanks for reading! Medal for you, if you got this far!

#interview with the vampire #iwtv meta #iwtv season 2 #danlou #brawlingdiscontent #tumblr I wrote you an essay #There may not be an appetite for giant essays in this fandom #which is totally fine - but I’ve written one anyway because I’m stubborn and write for myself!#for the young'uns - the subtitles are references to cassette tapes and related technologies #iwtv edit

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antlerqueer · 6 months

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If you like Yellowjackets, you may like... (books)

If you like the dark sides of the whimsy of girlhood, forest exploring girls all grown up, mystery Read What Lies In The Woods by Kate Alice Marshall CWs death, discussion of suicide, violence, SA implications

If you like unlikable narrators & toxic girl friendships where both of them are victims, but theyre bad for each other, and they spent time apart but now she's back Read When We Were Friends by Holly Bourne CWs discussion of suicide, SA, self harm, drug use

If you like toxic girl friendship, this time in college, murder mystery with a dual timeline Read The Girls Are All So Nice Here by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn CWs self harm, violence, sa, drug use

If you like codependent teen girls with dark themes Read Cherish Farrah by Bethany C Morrow CWs anti-Blackness (including descriptions of violence, micro aggressions)

If you like dual timelines & homoerotic formative girlfriendships (and canon relationships), rivalry but this time it's a girl group not a soccer team Read The Unravelling of Cassidy Holmes by Elissa R Sloan CWs ED (descriptions of the feelings, habits), suicide, SA, racism, depression (descriptions of the feelings), drug use/addiction

If you like Misty Quigley, milf on milf manipulation, unreliable narrators, dual perspective narration, and, of course, some light stalking Read None of This is True by Lisa Jewell CWs mentions of csa, grooming. descriptions of violence.

#yellowjackets #book recs #if ur in book club i literally just copy/pasted my list from there bc i havent read more books since #im simply illiterate now /s

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touyas-multi-purpose-saline · 19 days

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Hi hiii, for those yandere flower prompts could you write xeranthemum for Dabi?

cw: Yandere Themes, Mentions of Death / Thoughts of Death, Implied Suicide / Discussion of Suicide, Mentions of Violence / Past Violence, Unhealthy Relationships, Uncomfortable Scenarios, General Dark Themes Not Suitable for Immature Audiences, Gender-Neutral Reader. Read at your own discretion! 18+ Only!

author's note: This one doesn't feel as yandere-coded as the other two requests, but I hope you still enjoy it all the same! Backstory is implied, but imagine whatever you want for this. REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN — READ THE TAGS! These "Yandere Prompts Flower Language" can be found here . I do not condone unhealthy behavior in any sense! This is strictly fiction! Do not force yourself to read if you're uncomfortable.

PROMPT: Xeranthemum (Everlasting Love): "Our love will surpass life itself."

word count: Approximately 1.2k.

Those teal eyes are glowing underneath the flames.

The moon, the light, the fuzzies of black and white a flurry of a snowstorm, the lapping tongues of electricity. He stands in the center of it all, those stringy coattails flapping oddly in the wind. There’s no rhythm, there’s no drumming, only the silent screaming of the fire. You watch those arms spread wide, brooms, sweeping, fingers burnweeds dusting at the ends, fluffy cotton. It’s hard to concentrate on anything, on everything, and he’s anything, he’s everything, and you know that you can’t turn away—shouldn’t.

And his laughter kisses your ears whenever he tosses his head back, whenever he flings a leg out to spin around, before he twirls himself in some faux performance that lacks an audience. Further, and faster, and you know that there’s something inside of you whispering that he won’t do it alone for long, that brilliant teal with shine like a rainbow, a rainstorm, and you’ll give in like you always do.

He stops for only a brief moment, grinning, and he extends a sweaty hand.

“C’mon! You hate him too, don’t ya? Join me!”

Touya’s beautiful, he’s always been beautiful. You don’t get to hear him like this very often, don’t get to see those crooked pearls in his mouth glitter like dew. His scratchy voice sounds like a song tucked away on an a.m. radio. You want to smile, you do, but Touya’s insane and you shouldn’t have ever let yourself be with him.

You softly lower your head.

“Touya… Please. I—”

You what? What do you want to say? Do you want to tell Touya all of your secrets? Do you want to tell him that you never wanted to hurt anybody? Anything? You never wanted anything to come down to this, but you’ve hurt a lot of people, killed a lot of people, just for him, just for him. If the world was crumbling, if the tectonic plates started to rumble and roll, if they started to tear at its perforated edges into a shadowy abyss and Touya was waiting on the other side of that sheet of paper, you’d run after him. Always, and you always have, and you always will. You’re his as much as he’s yours.

But he’s going to kill himself.

Touya’s laughter fizzles into something you’ve never heard before. Gasping air, bubbles that pop before they reach the surface, chuckles riddled with saliva, all of these strange sounds that emulate disbelief.

“You said you’d be with me! That you would do this with me! Whaaaaat? Going back on your word now that you’ve seen what I’ve become? What he’s made me?”

You start to shake your head roughly, those tails of flames brushing your cheeks.

“No! Touya, no! Touya, I—I just can’t stand by and let you—let you—I don’t want you to go away again! For good this time.”

There’s repose in Touya’s face, you think, and those staples in his face start to melt, maybe, but their shiny metals bleed into mush and wax, and you wonder if Touya’s contemplating what you’re trying to get across. You know he has, he’s too smart, but you wonder if it’ll change anything. You said you’d be with him, yes, you did promise, but what would you be if you let him send himself into a hurtling storm of rage and fury into a guaranteed imminent death? Would you even be yourself anymore without Touya?

“Are you scared for me?”

Something strange tints his tone, but you nod anyway.

“Yes. Yes, I am, Touya. I know what you want—and I know we’ve both known this moment was going to happen, but… I always hoped that it wouldn’t happen so soon.”

Touya’s dance has stopped fully, but the conflagrations carry on.

“Don’t you want to watch them see me? I want them to never forget how to feel like me. I want us to show everyone who I am.”

A shudder is a spider crawling down your spine, thousands of spindly legs tickling your nerves, making you chilly, and your eyes wrench shut. Touya’s always been so childishly selfish, but you love him. You can still remember the very first teal you ever saw, the moment those hues graced against your eyes. He’s not suicidal. Or maybe he always has been. He’s a kamikaze. He’s a pilot ready to crash into the center of the galaxy, ready to watch it implode and sink in on itself, ready to change his whole world, ready to watch that supernova of regret.

“Yes, Touya. I do want to watch.”

Laughter fills the air again, smoke and steam, and candles start to puff into your lungs like cigarettes, heavy and weightless, and you try to breathe through it all. You’ve never been able to find your way, but Touya hasn’t either. Or, maybe he has, and he’s found a way into you to keep you moving, a forgotten touch that’s gossamer in your memories.

“That’s why you’re mine! You’re supposed to help me! And we can do it together! We can send them where they truly belong—we can run like hounds underground!”

Leaders of the pack, infernos beneath your paws. Your head tilts to the side quietly, demure, and you’re starting to lose your will. You’re his, always, and it’s like you’ve been abducted. Every time he speaks to you, an ice trembling in your veins begins to evaporate and you lay bare before his feet like the dog in your heart. He’s manic now, elated and driven to the brink of insanity, on the cusp of happiness and retribution, on the deathbed waiting to rattle his lungs, in the grave that beckons with its curled talons. He’s alive for this, and you’re alive for him.

“Touya. I can’t watch you die.”

Yet, that’s a gospel to Touya, you know, a thing that motivates him further, a thing that reminds him of church bells, of a clock tower striking at midnight, and you know that he’s too far gone now.

“Nah, you don’t have to watch. We can do it together.”

Perhaps a gong of dread fills your heart, but the fish continues down the flowing stream. There’s something about Touya’s smile, something that’s maybe a little more genuine, that reminds you of all of the times whenever those frosty fingers would trace around the column of your neck, finding ways to hook a clasp. Hidden beneath your conscious mind, you’ve known that you were always going to die with him too.

“Touya—”

He starts to dance again.

“Our love will surpass life itself! And we can make everyone see! It’ll be easy, can’t you see? We’ll be the ones to change everything!”

He doesn’t talk like the Touya you know or remember. That little boy from your memory steps further and further into the recesses of the background, but that teal remains ever the same. He’s different now, and so are you, even whenever fear tickles your underbelly, whenever it feels like zest and convectors of Touya’s apathy start to burn your flesh, even whenever the love in your body swells at Touya’s words—before you realize that you both never changed.

That you both can burn it down.

“And we can die together.”

And Touya’s agony has never been softer.

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steviewashere · 2 months

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Walking To The Bright Lights In Sorrow

Rating: Teen and Up CW: Major Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Discussions of the Death Penalty, Eddie's Death Seen as a Suicide (I think that's the only way I can describe it) Tags: Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, (Except Vecna Dies, Too), Angst, Mild Comfort, Dead Eddie Munson, Grieving Steve Harrington, Ghost Eddie Munson, Moving On, Goodbyes, Love Confessions, Eddie Moving on To the After Life, Steve Harrington Has Nightmares, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Steve Harrington Loves Eddie Munson, Eddie Munson Loves Steve Harrington, Missed Opportunity, Promises Title from "Grace" by Jeff Buckley For @steddieangstyaugust Day 2 Prompt: Ghost(s)

🪦—————🪦 In the hollow of night, woken fresh from a nightmare, Steve started to have conversations with the dead air in his bedroom. It started as short, assuring affirmations in a scratchy sort of mumbling, something to calm him down. But now, it’s to somebody.

Eddie Munson.

He’s not wearing the green vest or the combat boots or the black bandanna. He’s not covered in blood and looking beyond Steve’s shoulder. No, Eddie’s clean and vivacious and in his usual everyday—the black leather jacket and the Hellfire Club t-shirt and dark blue, near black denim jeans. All that’s missing is the vest, but Eddie has turned him down every single time he’s offered it up.

The vest was clean, Steve made sure of that. Every patch in its place. All the buttons, the pins were stabbed through the material; just as Eddie left it. Just as Eddie gave it to him. And Steve knew, within half-conversations with Dustin, that battle vests really meant something. It was armor, a safety blanket, a flag, and a promise. To stay true to oneself.

But it seemed like Eddie didn’t need Steve’s help on that front. Because he swore, beyond everything, that Eddie was alive in his room. He was speaking and flailing and grinning. He was joking and laughing and holding himself casually. Sometimes, he swore that Eddie would reach out to him, like he was gearing up to brush back his hair or soothe a palm down his tense bicep or hold his trembling hand, but then he’d hesitate with some awful, sour sort of realization. He’d give up right then and there.

It happens again tonight.

It’s four in the morning. The sun not up yet. Early December, almost Christmas, and Steve is somehow sweating himself out of his clothes. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, gripping to the mattress with his aching fingers, looking at the carpet below his bare feet. And he notices when Eddie joins him because he settles on the mattress, too. Makes the bed dip. His weight barely anything, but Steve has known how to gauge him months ago.

“The bats,” Eddie’s voice croaks. It’s not a pretty sound. Almost a rasp, something on the verge of…death, but Steve makes himself stave that thought off. His voice echoes, too. Like a whisper in a cathedral. Hauntingly close.

Steve nods his head in response. Whispers, “I couldn’t stop them from getting to you…again.”

Eddie hums beside him. “You couldn’t stop them in the first place, Steve,” he states, “they came for me when you weren’t there.”

“I should’ve been”—

“No,” Eddie’s quick to murmur, “no, Steve. It was my choice. Nothing would’ve changed my mind, I promise you that.” It’s the same thing he says every time Steve has the nightmare about the demobats. It’s the same dismissive murmur. It’s the same factual thing. Steve hates it, but won’t say that. Doesn’t think he really can.

There’s silence in the room now. Tense and rigid and thick. He wants to cut it with a knife or tear it apart with his bare hands, but can’t even lift his fingers away from the mattress, can’t even make them curl into his own palms.

The mattress shifts next to him. Eddie’s cold, fog-heavy, wind-like presence icy on Steve’s arm. It’s the closest thing to touching they can get. All he wants is to rest his head on Eddie’s shoulder, wants to smell his hair, wants to trace his fingers over the soft parts of his cheeks where those wounds are noticeably not present. Though, part of him is petrified of what happens if he does. A part of him wonders if it’ll be like in Hollywood—the ghosts touching their loved ones and then disappearing into a nothingness. A yearning, empty nothingness.

“I passed by Dustin’s before I came over here,” Eddie breathes into the space. That echo ever present, ever stomach curdling. “He was sound asleep. All curled up under his blanket. He was…there was this faint smile on his face and it’s probably the best thing I’ve seen since his head banging during our crazy, alter-dimension performance. I didn’t stop inside, though. Didn’t want to wake him.”

He swallows. Doesn’t know why Eddie’s telling him this. But he just responds low and careful, “He’s been keeping himself busy with Hellfire. Got a lot of responsibility now, y’know? I watched him do that master stuff or whatever…he’s got a talent for it, at least I think so.”

“Dustin was always going to be my pick for when I graduated,” Eddie says, a soft smile present in his voice. It soothes something racing in Steve’s veins, but he’s not ready to sleep, not ready to see Eddie’s face close behind the blackness in his eyelids. “I’ve heard a bit here and there of his campaigns. He…uh…he makes me an NPC a lot, doesn’t he?”

Steve sucks in a sharp breath. Murmurs, voice crackling, “He always saves you. Always, Eds. You always join the party members as a companion. Sometimes, you’re the only one still standing.” He finally lifts his gaze from the floor to look into Eddie’s eyes. His dark, yet cold and ghastly eyes. “I don’t think he can handle you dying again,” he admits, “I don’t think anybody can. Not even me.”

Eddie blinks at that. His mouth barely twitching into a frown before going neutral again. Lets out a soft, aching sigh. “The only thing I regret about dying is that all of you guys are so hung up on it,” he says, voice gone flat. Devoid.

Cold.

“Jesus Christ, Eds. That’s”—

“Brutal?” He finishes. “Yeah, Steve, I know. But it’s the truth.” His body shifts again, crouching to stand. And in the blink of an eye, Steve is looking up at Eddie, at him standing and hovering. Hands on his hips, gaze pointed out to the backyard, watching the curtains shiver from the small opening in the window. “I was going to be sentenced to the death penalty, you know that? They were going to ask for my last meal. Which I’d say the same thing I requested—Honeycombs, YooHoo, maybe some beer if they’d allow it. Then they were going to execute me. I think that’s more brutal, don’t you?”

And then he stares directly into Steve. Into. His gaze burns. Despite the icy edge to his irises. He doesn’t move. Doesn’t breathe—he doesn’t need to do that anymore anyway.

A moment later, he looks away and continues, “I didn’t want that. I wanted to go out on my own accord. And I wanted it to mean something. It did, in the end, it ended up saving the world.

“I, Eddie Munson, former freak of Hawkins and three time senior—I was a hero at the end of the day. Even though you told me not to. I know what you told me. But sometimes you gotta bend the rules in order to make things right.”

“But, Eds…Eddie, the town still thinks”—

“Fuck what they think, Steve. I know what I am.” He moves at that. Crouching on the ground in front of Steve. Down on his knees. Face looking up to Steve’s sad gaze. His hands hover over Steve’s bare knees. “I know what I am,” he repeats, a murmur. “I don’t regret my death. I don’t regret what had to be done. I just hate that all of you always remember, you guys are constantly mourning. Over me? You’re mourning over me? We hardly knew each other!”

Steve sniffs. His lips wobble when he opens them to speak. There are tears sitting in his waterlines, hot and spiky and ready to spill. “I wanted to know you, Eds. I like when you’re here. I like dreaming about you because then we can talk and I can”—

“Baby,” Eddie coos sadly, “baby, this isn’t doing you any good.”

“It is!” Steve crows, “it is and now…now that you saw me tonight, I can go back to sleep and it’ll be fine.” He even scoots up the mattress, carefully, and situates himself under his blanket. “See? Cozy and warm. I’ll go to sleep and everything will be fine. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

There’s a stunned, slow moment of silence. Eddie isn’t on the floor anymore, instead sitting on the edge of the mattress. All his movements hidden in between blinks, when Steve’s shifting and can’t see him. He can hear Eddie audibly swallow, hard enough that it sounds like he’s consuming rocks. But he doesn’t speak.

“Right?” Steve asks again, soft this time. So soft that it nearly gets lost on its way over the comforter. “I’ll see you tomorrow night. I’ve got a funny story to tell you and we can”—

“Steve,” Eddie finally breathes. He looks over. Dark eyes hauntingly crestfallen. Piercing Steve like the sharp end of that stupid syringe. It makes him ache in all the worst ways. Just on the cusp of a heart attack. Eddie’s right hand shifts from his lap, moving slow over the blanket, hovering on the left side of Steve’s face. Contemplating. “Steve, I want to go. I…I’ve seen all I need to. You’re the last one.”

“Eds,” he murmurs.

“I want to go home, sweetheart. I want to see my mom. I want…I want to be in my childhood home. I want to dance with her. I want to go. Please.” And with the faintest of touch, he swipes his cold, ghostly thumb under Steve’s eye, into his hairline, over the top of his ear. He doesn’t disappear, but Steve doesn’t even want to blink. “I’ll still be in here, when you want me,” he says, tapping at Steve’s temple. “But I can’t be in here anymore,” and he states that with a wide arm gesturing around the bedroom.

He blinks, finally. Tears spilling hot and fast over his cheeks. Lips trembling. Nose stuffed up and snotty. Eddie’s still not gone, not yet, at least. “Okay,” he squeaks. “I just…I think I”—

“I know,” Eddie whispers, “I know, baby. I feel the same way.” His touch gets heavier, firmer on Steve’s cheek. In slow motion, his legs begin to wisp away. Steve hates that he was right about this part. “I love you, too, Stevie. I’ve had so much fun with you all these nights. I just want to rest, too.”

Steve closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to see Eddie go, but he nods his head slow against his pillow. Sinking into the last bit of touch Eddie will ever give him. “Promise me something?”

“Anything,” Eddie breathes, voice far away.

“Save me a spot?”

His thumb presses hard into Steve’s cheek. There’s a smile to his voice again, “Always, Stevie.”

“Okay,” Steve sighs, relaxing into his mattress. “Goodnight, Eds.”

The only response is the faint brush of wind from the window.

It’s almost like a kiss.

🪦—————🪦

#steddieangstyaugust #stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #angst #mild comfort #major character death #ghost eddie munson #dead eddie munson

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whenmemorydies · 3 months

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My meta/commentary shortcuts*

*putting all of this in one spot so its easier for me to find shit. feel free to like/reblog if this is helpful for you too. posts are in reverse chronological order by tv show/film.

The Bear (TV) - writings

You love taking care of people: Fine Dining in the Time of Late Stage Capitalism

How the fine dining industry helped create season 3 Chef Carmy and how it’s on its way out.

Carmen, Natalie, and the Berzattos

A closer look, through the lens of intergenerational trauma, at the Berzattos and their impact on Carmy in season 3.

The Claw, The Scrunchie and The Prayer Card: Part 2 (Timing)

A deduction as to why we see the hair claw in 3x01 and not in 3x09 with the scrunchie and prayer card in Carmy's apartment.

Breakdown of a racist microaggression in Ice Chips 3x08

Analysis of one of the more uncomfortable moments during Natalie's labour. Includes @vacationship's reblog with excellent meta re: Donna's POV.

See this? Carmy trying that shit with Tina

In which Carmy reverts from ally to a regret.

Reply to @mitocamdria on Sublimation and Shame

Theorising on sources of Carmy's shame.

The Claw, The Scrunchie and The Prayer Card

Carmy's mementos as breadcrumbs back to his loves.

This needs to get good or go away.

Trauma-informed analysis of 1x07 The Review in light of seasons 1-3 of The Bear.

The things you learn...

Where Sydney learns some things about her spouse platonic business partner while dining with him.

Reply to @vacationship on Christopher Storer's cameo(s)

Storer makes an appearance in 3x06 Napkins but has he shown up at other times as well?

The legerdemain of racism: demands for season 4 of The Bear

Can The Bear rise to the challenge put forward by Toni Morrison?

Mikey's ghost and Claire as a reverse-engineered haunt

Reblog thread discussing the concept of "the haunt" in season 3 and how it likely relates to Claire - with @vacationship, @thoughtfulchaos773, @espumado, @kdbleu

Claire Dunlap = Clear [as] Mud

Reblog thread discussing the meaning behind Claire's name - with @currymanganese, @vacationship, @moodyeucalyptus, @ago0112

Richie and the viewer

Querying some 4th wall breaking by Tiff and Richie. With analysis in reblog by @currymanganese of Richie as Chris Storer's author avatar in the show.

Alone

Analysis of the use and editing of "Together" by Nine Inch Nails in 3x01 Tomorrow to convey elements of Carmy's trauma response.

Ancestors and The Bear

Analysis of culinary ancestry and legacy as they relate to Carm and Syd.

3x01 Tomorrow

Brief look at how the first episode of season 3 has been crafted through the lens of a traumatic episode. Also a remembering of my Ammamma.

Liveblog of my first watch of Season 3

Or don’t binge season 3 whilst in a feverish fugue state.

Lessons from a mentor: every second counts

Analysis of the parallels between Chef Terry and Sydney and what "every second counts" means to various characters in The Bear.

90s alternative rock, masculinity and The Bear

Analysis of the use of 90s alternative rock, including grunge, in The Bear's soundtrack, and its use to further the show's take up of masculinity.

3x06 Napkins

Predictions for the sixth episode of season 3. CW: discussion of suicide and suicidal ideation as it relates to Mikey; also contains discussion of the 'Napkins' scene in 1x08 Braciole and how its 2nd out of my top 3 tender scenes in The Bear.

2x06 Fishes (Copenhagen/Pantry scene)

Analysis of the Copenhagen/Pantry scene in 2x06 Fishes between Carmy and Mikey/ 3rd out of my top 3 tender scenes in The Bear.

Quit? And where you gonna go Ritchie?

Short analysis of Richie and Tina's relationship.

Reply to @sydcarmyfan on the story between Syd and Carm's clothes.

I mend clothes in my spare time and so does Syd.

2x09 Bolognese and Richie’s apology to Nat

Short analysis of Richie and Nat's relationship, based on a personal theory that Richie and Nat previously dated.

Reply to @hwere on if Syd was a white character

I wouldn't be watching the show, lmao.

Reply to @mod-doodles on what will happen when Syd finally lets her guard down with Carmen

Lucky ass man is not now nor will he ever be ready lol

Reply to @yannaryartside on gaslighting showrunners (lol)

The maths is mathing and all signs point to Sydcarmy endgame

Sydney is Carmen's best friend

Analysis of 2x03 Sundae and when Carm tells us that Syd is his best friend.

1x03 Brigade alley scene as a balm

A balm for the anxiety I felt when Season 3's episode list was released LOL.

Reply to @thoughtfulchaos773 on 1x03 Brigade alley scene

Thoughts on why the alley scene in 1x03 Brigade is my favourite Sydcarmy scene in The Bear (thus far).

Preliminary thoughts on The Bear, race, power and privilege

Analysis of The Bear and its approach to the white gaze (hint: idgaf about it), power and privilege.

The Bear (TV) - image-based meta/snark

Blood ties and lineage

Charting the creative journey of an ingredient and a dish through Carmy and Syd's culinary ancestry.

Offerings

Love is a language and language is nothing if not pattern recognition. A look at Carmy's patterns.

Warm/Cold Light

Just gifs to make an unsubtle point (re: Sydcarmy & Clairmy)

Lunch or Dinner

Lyric/GIF set to Lunch or Dinner by Sunshine Anderson

Wet T-shirt Contest (Bridgerton vs The Bear edition)

Some of us get lakes in a garden, some of us get the Fak-ed toilet.

You're the most excellent CDC at the most ex...cel...le....

A journey to the end of Sydney's hero worship.

Coming Back

Lyric/GIF set to Coming Back by James Blake feat. SZA

Head Tilt (The Bear vs Bridgerton edition)

Sydney, don't do anything Anthony wouldn't do!

Syd and Carm making eye contact

Thats it.

Under the Bridge (TV)

Reply to @cairhienin on Under the Bridge and the actual murder of Reena Virk

Discussion of Reena Virk's murder and the absence of race in analysis of the case, then and now.

Monkey Man (Film)

Violence and Love in Monkey Man

Analysis of Monkey Man in the context of state violence and resistance. CW for mention of rape, murder and forced displacement.

Immediate reaction to Monkey Man

My immediate thoughts after watching Monkey Man in cinema.

#the bear meta #sydcarmy meta #under the bridge meta #monkey man meta #the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #under the bridge #monkey man

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goodomensafterdark · 4 months

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GOAD Writer's Guild Presents: Tethered - Ch 10 - Anthony (AKA "The Gleafer Scene")

Chapter 10 of work in progress. Featuring the long awaited "Gleafer scene"

Inspired by artwork by the incomparable Gleafer

Go support Gleafer on Patreon! It will improve your life in ways you may never fully comprehend!

TW/CW: Angst, discussion of attempted suicide, implied character death, internalized homophobia, discussion of conversion treatment

Summary: Crowley wakes up in a mental hospital with no memory of how he got there. Without his demonic powers, neither the doctors, nor the people who claim to be his family will believe he is who he says he is. With the evidence against him mounting, his only lifeline to the real world is a cryptic note left by an unseen messenger. The longer he stays in this hospital, the harder it becomes to recall for sure, is Crowley really a demon of Hell? Or has his entire existence been nothing more than a delusion conjured by a grieving mind?

Excerpt:

He woke to the sensation of a depression in the mattress, a light squeeze on his arm and the sound of someone saying his name.

“Crowley?” they whispered sweetly.

He stirred and groaned. Peering through his lashes, he saw that most beautiful angelic face, the same one he had just been dreaming about.

“Hello, my dear,” Aziraphale sighed.

It was still dark. Angel must have just come home. He closed his eyes again. “Angel… Howwuz y’r trip?” he mumbled.

“My trip?” Aziraphale asked. “Oh, erm… alright, I suppose. A little disorienting. I brought you something to keep you warm.”

He shuffled closer to curl around Aziraphale’s form seated on the edge of the bed. “Mmmm… you keep me warm,” he hummed, blindly feeling for Aziraphale's hand and covering it with his own.

“Oh, Crowley,” Aziraphale cooed.

He felt Aziraphale gently comb back a tuft of hair from his face.

Wait… Crowley?

When he opened his eyes, reality rudely dawned on him. He wasn't at home, he was in a hospital. And this thing touching him, the thing he had sleepily snaked himself around, wasn't his husband.

Continue reading on AO3

Or start from chapter 1 - Dies Lunae

Special thanks to my beautiful betas

#good omens after dark #goad #good omens #good omens fanfic #writers of after dark #writers guild presents #artists of after dark #good omens fanart

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insoukokuhell-434 · 1 year

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Chuuya Takes Care of Dazai Fics

Includes:

Emotional Hurt/Comfort (long term & immediate)

Physical Hurt/Comfort

The format I’m using is:

Title - writer (ao3 link) Fic length Time period (teen/mafia skk, 22! Skk, all ages) Additional tags (Tags in bold added by me for extra info) TW

Some fics have parts of the summary/ comments added for additional info

Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Long Term (multiple instances)

hey look, the sky's falling apart - saffroncassis

24.8k TEEN SKK (16/17) AU - Canon Divergence Protective Nakahara Chuuya, Angst, Fluff, Humor, Developing Relationship Found Family (the Akutagawa siblings, Oda's kids, Kyouka, Oda, Ango) TW- Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse and discussions of both these, also cw food for the whole fic

Summary - "At age 16, Chuuya defects from the Port Mafia and drags his partner with him not so much kicking and screaming as silently begrudging, and the rest follow suit in time."

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

[Really realistic depiction of the relationship between a depressed person and their supportive partner!]

For the Record - zombiemarker

19.1k TEEN SKK AU- Spies & Secret Agents + Physical Hurt/Comfort Nightmares, Childhood Trauma, they get all dressed up and go to a gala, Implied Sexual Content, Fluff & Angst, Literal sleeping together, Getting together, First kiss, Developing Relationship TW - Blood and Violence, Childhood Trauma

From tags: "Chuuya's a government experiment, Dazai's been with Mori for years, they've both got trauma now"

Mostly Chuuya helping Dazai, but Dazai supports him too <33

A mouth to empty into - series by osamuchuu

Not listing all 4 fics cause this post is already so long, but they’re all amazing pls go read them!

The series depicts depression + CSA trauma so well!

This is my favourite -

Love is not a victory march - osamuchuu

8.7k 22 SKK Soukoku taking care of each other, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mental Illness, Depression, Drug Addiction, Blood and Injury, Healing, Recovery, Soukoku Tenderness, Light Angst TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References and Attempts, Addiction, Drug Use

believe me darling, the stars were made for falling -communist_sasuke

14.6k ALL AGES Worried Chuuya, Love Confessions, Dazai is a Mess, Angst, Self-Harm , Fluff & Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon timeline, First Kiss, TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions , Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt

Trust Fall - insi

3.5k ALL AGES (Dark Era, Post-Dark Era, 22 SKK) Emotional Constipation, Mental Health Issues, Dazai has issues TW - Implied/Referenced Suicide & Self-Harm, Suicidal ideation

From tags: Chuuya has met Dazai on the rooftop many times throughout knowing each other.

Immediate

Emotional H/C

Even the Darkness We're Watching Is So Beautiful - NastyaEx

4k 22 SKK (post-109) bsd 109, Fluff, Dazai Needs a Hug, Dazai is a Mess, exhausted dazai, dazai cries but only a little bit, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Soft skk, Dazai centered, yosano is a bit here and she's great

I'll Make A Home In Your Gut Because its Somewhere Warm to Sleep - arahabakii

8.9k 22 SKK Fluff, Angst, Mutual Pining, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Making Out, Getting Together, Domestic Fluff, Touch-Starved Dazai, Dazai needs a hug, Chuuya needs a hug TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

stay- neon_toad

4.6k 22 SKK (pm!skk flashbacks) Suffering Dazai, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai is Bad at Feelings, Oblivious Dazai Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hugs, birthday, Birthday Presents, soft skk TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide References

where are you? - doeinstinct

2.8k 22 SKK Depression, Disordered Eating, physical symptoms of depression, Mentions of past self harm, m because they shower together, canon adjacent, meal replacements, Love Confessions, They're In Love Your Honor

Run Away With Me - Anonymous

5.3k Dark Era Grief/Mourning, Dissociation, Suicidal Thoughts, Soft Soukoku, Dazai Needs a Hug , Dazai Has Feelings, Pining, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Chuuya Needs a Hug, Kissing, Dazai asks Chuuya to run away with him

stay the night - Shinkirou

3.6k 22 SKK Gen or Pre-Slash, Developing Relationship, Character Study, Sharing a Bed, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dazai's depression

Physical Hurt/Comfort

Fool for loyalty, or some other word - osamuchuu

1.7k Dark Era Aftermath of Torture, Blood and Injury Light Angst, chuuya deals with so much tbh, what a champ, Fluff and Angst, Pre-Relationship, Established Relationship, chuuya being Dazai's nurse because he absolutely was Dazai's angry nurse

under wraps - Coffeebiscuits

5k Post-Dark era + Emotional hurt comfort Love confessions, deep talks, Light angst, Fluff and angst, kissing, crushes, sharing a bed, Suicide, Self-Harm, Tending to Wounds TW - Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm

From tags: “basically chuuya has to patch dazai upand they talk about some things they need to discuss”

Chuuya also gets some emotional comfort

EXHAUSTION

So if you go too far I'll be there - Kimisu

2.5k 22 SKK - Pre-Fyodor | Cannibalism Arc No Plot/Plotless, Literal Sleeping Together, Some Fluff, Canon Timeline

From Summary: Based on a HC that Dazai spends days before every major arc planning and arranging the pieces in order for everything to 'work'. He also pushes his body limits a bit too far when doing that sometimes.

SICK FIC

Nothing More Important Than You - StormDew2

3k MAFIA SKK (15) Sickfic, Soft soukoku, Vulnerability

Please like/reblog if this helped u find a fic, I'd be delighted to know asjsj <3

“Dazai takes care of Chuuya” recs here

Fic rec masterlist here

#soukoku #soukoku fic rec #skk #skk fic rec #soukoku fics #skk fics #really hope the categorizing makes sense!#didn't know how else to do it ;-;#15 in total :D #sierra’s recs #edit: added 'where are you'#Sierra’s posts 🌸

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1moreff-creator · 1 year

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A Summary of the Levi!Accomplice Theory + How We Got Here (DRDT CH2)

Hey there! So a while ago I made a post about the CH 2 murder method, but I missed some pretty crucial information. You might know me and @thebadjoe had a pretty long thread back and forth talking about the murder, which lead to me reworking a lot of the original theory. However, that thread is extremely long and frankly quite confusing to read, so I thought it would be good to summarize what the final theory actually looks like in a separate post. This was sorta inspired by thebadjoe making a similar post about his own theory (which is Eden working alone, but disguising herself as Arei at one point), which I absolutely recommend you read as it’s probably one of the best DRDT-related posts I’ve seen on Tumblr.

If you’re here simply for a summary of the Levi!Accomplice Eden!Culprit theory, then simply skip to the Closing Argument of this post. You should be able to understand it on its own. However, I think it would also be nice to explain how I reached the conclusions I did, which is what the start of the post will be. Othersie I'm gonna look completely unhinged, and that's not good, I'm only kinda unhinged! If you’re interested, then I hope you enjoy!

CW: Murder, betrayal (Eden!Culprit), hanging (including geometric depictions), suicidal thoughts, one mention of self harm.

(Also, the Ace almost-murder won’t really be touched on much here, but there is a thread where me, venus-is-thinking, accirax and thebadjoe all went crazy trying to explain the blood on the wires. It’s about as difficult to follow as the other one, but eh)

The First Step Into Madness

(This part goes over a bit of the same from my OG post, which is why it sorta ignores other theories. There may be some assumptions made which are not necessarily true under other theories. Feel free to skip this if you read the first post and don’t need a refresher)

It all started when I made the original post where I discussed the murder method. I was left very intrigued after watching DRDT for the first time, so I wanted to see if there was some way to figure out how the murder was carried out, and to see if that pointed to any culprit.

-The first thing to note is that EP 11 cuts off when Charles is about to confront David on something related to the time of death, based on when he cuts in. This would imply the murder did not happen the night of the third day as the characters had assumed. Seeing as Arei was last seen at noon of that third day and I wasn’t aware of disguise theory, I figured the murder actually happened at 7:30 AM the morning of the day of the investigation, which I still believe. The fish could have been simply taken before nighttime and kept in the water jugs.

-What this means is that the culprit had time to set up an elaborate murder mechanism overnight, which is what the rest of the evidence around the crime scene would appear to imply.

-One of the reasons to believe a mechanism was involved is the flickering light of the playground. For a while, I genuinely had no idea how the hell that would happen. Even if there was a secret passage from the Movie Screening Room, proving that in trial would be nigh impossible.

-However, sometimes to solve a mystery, all you gotta do is mash random things together until something sorta looks like it fits. And what was a thing I didn’t know how to place? The ball of clothes.

-The idea here is to attach the rope to the ball of clothes and throw it over the railing, that way you can get the rope to go over there without having to get up there yourself. On the way up, the clothes would hit the light and displace the lightbulb, causing it to flicker.

-But why would you need rope over the railing? Well, if you were interested in creating a pulley system to make something go high into the air, you would need the rope there. And a pulley system is the first thing I thought of when I saw the spinny thing had tape on it, and thus was likely involved. This is what I envisioned.

Note how the rope is first looped between the handlebars to make sure it actually does the thing it’s supposed to. There may be other ways to set up the pulley, but the important thing is, a pulley was likely involved.

-So we got a pulley, but what are we pulleying? Presumably Arei, getting her higher up so her neck could snap instantly when she dropped down. As Veronika stated, her neck wouldn’t have snapped unless she weighed more or she dropped from higher up.

-Unless she weighed more, huh? That’s an interesting thing to specify. How would she weigh more? Unless, there was something which weighed her down.

-One thing which always struck me as odd about the water jugs is how oddly the handles are snapped.

-After thinking about how that could have happened, I realized maybe they had been snapped due to the action of rope. If you tie rope around the handles and pull hard, they would snap just like that.

-And what’s the deal with that? As I said, perhaps Arei was weighed down by something. And here is the answer. Since we know there were two pieces of rope (one found around Arei’s neck and a longer piece under the spinny thing), I believed the jugs were attached to her via rope to weigh her down.

-That way, the culprit could further ensure Arei’s neck would snap once she fell and the pulley system was stopped.

-Because yes, the culprit would need to stop the pulley system from spinning back all the way, otherwise Arei would just fall to the floor. And since her broken neck is the only injury apart from red marks on her wrist, that clearly didn’t happen.

-And my answer for that… was frankly just brute forcing it and stopping it by hand. See, I was sorta coming in after watching a cool video by Ocean Unknown, and I was already kinda thinking Levi was probably the culprit, which is why this feat of strength didn’t seem too insane for me. In retrospect, I may have been underestimating the strength required to do that.

-Anyways, the rest isn’t too hard to figure out. Make the note, ambush Arei when she arrived at the playground, with the ensuing struggle resulting in the scuffed floor, put tape on her wrists, put the noose around her neck, pulley, let her fall a bit and stop her so her neck snaps, prop her up so the murder looks vaguely like a suicide, throw some stuff in the trash, profit. You may have noticed I didn’t talk about the fact Arei doesn’t have her glove in the BDA, because… well, frankly I just hadn’t noticed that at the time. The fish are to confuse the time of death, and the tape was likely taken from the gym and used to have a better grip on the spinny thing as the culprit spun it.

…

The tape was taken from the gym?

The Curious Case of the Tape Thief

(Or: BY GOD IT’S THEBADJOE WITH A STEEL CHAIR! /lh)

So, what you may have noticed is that the method I came up with doesn’t really point to anyone in particular, but there’s a detail I hadn’t noticed when I first made that post. The time the tape was taken.

Thebadjoe had already pointed it out on his blog, and was kind enough to reblog my own post with this information. Turns out, he realized that in Ep 6, at around the time Ace wakes up, the roll of the tape previously on the floor disappears from the background. Which means it was taken by someone who was at the gym at that point.

Now, you might be wondering if maybe that’s just an animation error. After all, it’s not like this is evidence that can be brought up in the trial.

Except, it can be deduced. With lockdown logic. Let’s look at the facts:

-The tape was on the floor after Nico leaves the gym.

-The last people in the gym before the lockdown begun were Teruko, Ace and Eden.

-No one but MonoTV could enter the gym during the lockdown.

-Rose and Teruko are the first people to enter the gym after the lockdown, stated explicitly by MonoTV.

-But by the time Rose and Teruko are there, the tape has disappeared. And there is special attention brought to the fact the tape’s disappeared.

So the tape couldn’t have disappeared during the lockdown (unless MonoTV took it out, but why would it do that), and it can’t have been taken after since Rose and Teruko were the first people there after it ended. Since that roll of tape was still on the floor when Nico left, that means the tape disappeared when only Teruko, Ace and Eden were in the gym.

Teruko couldn’t have taken it, protag privilege.

I’ve seen Ace thrown out as a possibility, but it just doesn’t really work. Teruko was inspecting his body right before he wakes up, and she never has a reason to look away after he wakes up. She never saw him pick up the tape, though, so it seems unlikely he did. Not to mention the lack of blood on the tape when Ace had blood on his hands the whole time, or the general weirdness of him taking the tape and, like, pocketing it in the first place. Why would he do that? If he wanted a weapon, he’d have taken the wire which was nearby, right?

So, the most logical answer is that Eden took the tape. In fact, she gets knocked down to the floor right around the time the tape disappears from the background.

So, now we ask, why did Eden take the tape? The issue is that there really is no reason for her to do that, unless she went down to the second floor specifically with the intention of picking up the tape (and maybe some other stuff). However, she never tells Teruko she wanted to pick up the tape, which combined with the fact she takes it sneakily and without anyone noticing, would suggest she wanted it for nefarious purposes. This is where the Eden!Culprit theory comes from.

There simply is no good answer as to why she took the tape otherwise. Even other theories I’ve seen, which suggest perhaps the killer intentionally used the tape to frame Eden, can’t really explain why Eden would take it without warning in the first place.

Thus, the only issue left is… would Eden really do this? How can the nicest person in the killing game betray a friend like that? Well, it’s not as impossible as you may think.

Of Motivations And Narrative Consequence

(Or: venus and accirax come in clutch)

You may have seen this post by DRDT Tumblr’s dynamic duo of @venus-is-thinking and @accirax circulating around, and I recommend you read it if you want a full exploration of why Eden!Culprit works from a character and narrative standpoint. They explained everything way better than I ever could, so I’m not gonna dwell on it too much and just ask you do your assigned reading if you’re interested.

However, as a short summary of the main points:

-Motive: Eden is a very caring person, who has several people she’d want to return to outside of the killing game. Her family, which she speaks about with Levi in the first scene of the chapter, and possibly even the girl mentioned in her secret. The incident with Arturo could have scared her into taking more drastic action so she could go back to the real world. Note the secret quote on her page is “You can’t go back, no matter how hard you try.” She’s likely not secretly evil or anything. And the fact she kept trying to go against the killing game, but ultimately never achieved anything, could have led to her feeling completely hopeless.

-Why Arei?: Because it was the easiest option, most likely. It was implied in the ep 10 flashback that Eden may not have believed Arei when she claimed she wanted to be friends, and that she may have only realized she genuinely did during the trial. Also worth noting, they’re paired together in the CH 1 recap, which implies they’re at least important to each other’s stories.

-Wouldn’t this just prove Teruko right? And wouldn’t that be narratively redundant?: Oh, yes. It would very explicitly prove Teruko right.

Teruko: Sooner or later that kindness of yours will have you breaking down, until you’re too overwhelmed with grief to be able to act. That’s not how I plan to live.

But the thing is, Teruko has already been proven right this chapter. Even beyond all the scuffles around the secrets, you have Nico, seemingly one of the most harmless people in the killing game, admitting to trying to kill Ace; and you also have David, who almost everyone trusted and viewed as a sort of leader, being revealed as a liar and a manipulative asshole.

(Yes I know both of them are a bit more complex than that but that’s not the point.)

In fact, Teruko was explicitly right about David too. Not to mention, someone killed Arei or J if you’re inclined to believe that, which won’t exactly do wonders for trust in the group.

The point, as venus and accirax pointed out, is to show the audience how Teruko’s life usually is. Full of betrayal and misfortune. This is to set up the theme of fate and change that runs deeply through Teruko’s character, and that I’m not gonna explain here.

And while you could say Teruko doubling down on not trusting anyone would be redundant, you have to consider the rest of the group as well. While they mostly held it together after the first trial with a few exceptions, Eden being the killer, combined with everything else that happened in the chapter, would cause way more damage to the whole group’s sense of trust, leading to a very different atmosphere for chapter 3. So I don’t really think it would be redundant at all.

-What about the handwriting sample?: What about the handwriting sample? The note is in cursive, Eden writes her sample in print.

Obviously it's gonna look different. If anything, the fact she specifically writes in print could be seen as her hiding her cursive handwriting, which looks suspicious to me.

-Why help piece together the note in the first place? And why would she fight back against the idea of Arei committing suicide?: Because she would presumably want to build a narrative that she and Arei were friends, to make people trust her more. I mean, it worked, since people immediately jumped on Arturo when they first heard the full story.

-And more! Again, read the full post for more details.

So… now we circle back. Eden’s probably the killer, but what does that mean for the method?

A Method In Shambles

One of the main issues this brings to the method is Eden’s strength. She’s very weak, as has been established in both the most recent QnA and in the series itself (see: arm-wrestling scene, where Arei specifically excludes Eden for being weak). She wouldn’t be able to pull Arei + water jugs up with the pulley system herself.

…Or maybe she could? But it would be very tight, and I think we’re not supposed to pull out the physics and calculators to figure out it would only be the equivalent of lifting like thirty pounds as accirax implied in one line of this really good post. Point is, it doesn’t look like she could, which is more important imo.

Even then, it would also be really difficult for Eden to prop up the body like we see in the BDA.

Speaking of BDA, that’s another issue. The BDA rule states it takes “three people who did not witness the murder” to see the body before the announcement plays. So how did it play after only Whit, Teruko and Eden had found it? Surely Eden as the killer would count as a witness with the method I established earlier.

But the biggest issue for Eden!Culprit are actually the fish. Because while Eden doesn’t have an alibi for the time of death, she does have an alibi for the time of the fish’s disappearance. Think about it: Nico fed them presumably at around 7:00 PM, since they later see David going down at around 7:30, and 7:00 is likely the time when communal dinner ended as it’s also the time Eden and Hu begun washing the dishes together. We know from Nico the fish were still all there by the time Eden’s alibi with Hu begins.

And that alibi lasts all the way until nighttime, when the relax room locks down for the night. And it doesn’t open again until after the murder was supposedly committed at 7:30 AM. So Eden couldn’t have taken it the morning after.

The fish in particular are an issue for Eden!Culprit, because while everything else is odd, this particular thing makes it impossible for Eden herself to have set up the crime scene as we see it. And unless Ace is lying for no good reason, Arei was still alive the night of the third day, so it likely wasn’t set up by anyone uninvolved in the murder.

In the end, although Eden feels like she should be the culprit, she couldn’t have done everything alone.

…

She couldn’t have done everything… alone.

…

The Rise of the Accomplice

Eden is a very trusting, very sociable person. So if there are things in the crime scene she couldn’t have done alone, is it unbelievable to assume she may have had an accomplice?

Let’s ignore the “who” for now and see if this idea holds up. The accomplice would be in charge of taking the fish out of the relax room during nighttime, a tactic to confuse the time of death and give Eden a fake alibi. They would also be in charge of overpowering Arei when she first arrived at the playground.

After pinning her down, wrapping her wrists with tape and possibly her legs too if needed (there were two pieces of tape in the trash, when strictly speaking you would only need one for the wrists. Arei has long socks, so marks wouldn’t be visible on her legs), the accomplice would also be in charge of lifting up Arei into the sky. The exact logistics of how the accomplice would go about this are a bit awkward (they would probably have to run quite fast to the spinny thing so Arei doesn’t get a chance to stand up and try something), but I don’t think it’s outright impossible.

Now, here’s where the trick comes in. Since Eden was the one who likely planned the murder (she had been preparing since Night 2, after all), the goal would be to make her the blackened. Here’s how I think that would be done.

The accomplice would hand off the spinny thing to Eden once Arei was high up enough, and Eden would be the one to let go off the carousel so Arei’s neck breaks. But how does it stop?

Well, you remember the second, shorter piece of rope, which I had originally said would be for the water jugs? Instead of that, they would use it as a stopper rope. The idea is to attach one end to the swing set near the spinny thing, but leave the other end by itself. Then, once Arei was high in the air, one of the two culprits (let’s say Eden) would tie the unused end to the spinny thing. That way, when they let Arei fall, the shorter rope would tense before she went all the way to the floor (you can make sure this happens by using a lot of the rope on the knot on the swing set), and stop the carousel abruptly mid fall. This is what would cause Arei’s neck to snap.

(Ignore the text)

This means the water jugs would need to be attached to Arei in some other way. Possibly by making the noose in such a way that you have rope to spare and you can put the jugs there?

Looks a bit wonky, but I think it can work! Or, at least, Eden could conceivably think it would help, which is all that’s technically necessary.

If you’re not convinced, there could also be a third, extremely short piece of rope being kept in Eden’s fanny pack which was used to put the jugs at Arei’s feet. I don’t quite like this answer too much, since it relies on evidence we don’t have (Russel’s Teapot and all that), but it’s there.

——————————————————————————————————

Surprise! Alternative Method Bonanza!

So you remember how thebadjoe has a really good theory on the murder which is Eden!Solo? That means he has a different method for the murder mechanism itself, as Eden sort of can’t do my method herself.

And I am gonna steal it! Like a thief!

Essentially, if you’re not convinced by the hanging method, you can instead copy and paste joe’s method to my accomplice theory, with a few modifications.

Joe’s method takes my idea of a stopper rope, but instead of attaching one end to the swing set, it’s attached to Arei’s neck. The pulley system is instead used to pull up only the water jugs, the rope attached to their handles, which Eden should be able to do herself. The idea is that, after pulling the water jugs up and attaching the shorter rope to Arei’s neck, when you let them fall, if Arei’s neck is secured in place, when the stopper tenses, it will snap her neck.

Now, in his method that involves knocking out Arei with turpentine (long story) and securing her with tape, but with the accomplice idea, and since I don’t think Eden has turpentine, it may be better for the accomplice to just hold down Arei’s body themself. Though that runs into the issue of “why put tape on her wrists then”, which isn’t a method with joe’s original method and rather an issue of translation to the accomplice idea.

Because of that, and because there’s a particular thing I’ll talk about in a moment, I think my method is still slightly more plausible for the accomplice idea, which is why I won’t bring this up again, but I did want to point out that it’s technically a possibility.

——————————————————————————————————

Any other changes? Yes, actually.

-You remember the starch on the ball of clothes? Well, joe suggested it may come from the enriched formula used in the relax room, as starch is often used to stimulate plant growth or something along those lines. Meaning the clothes spent a night inside the relax room. I agree with this, as I have no idea why starch would be there otherwise.

The question now is when the clothes spent the night. It can’t be Night 3, as Arei died before the relax room opened again at 8:00 AmM. So it would have to be in the second night. And where was Eden that night?

Eden: I noticed you didn’t take any of your new clothes, so I was going to deliver them to you!

Ah, right. On the second floor. In the dress-up room. Totally not suspicious behavior.

Basically, I think Eden went to the second floor to put the clothes in the relax room and pick up the tape, but once nighttime begun, she realized Ace was still in the gym, and decided to wait it out so as to not be spotted in a suspicious place. Unfortunately for her, Ace was busy getting murdered by Nico, so she ended up getting caught by Teruko, and had to course correct.

But why would she need the ball of clothes? Couldn’t she have just grabbed, like, anything else to throw over the railing?

Well… yeah, but. It may have been hard for her to find anything more convenient than the ball of clothes. I’ve seen the roll of tape suggested, but the rope may not have been able to fit through the hole in the middle. Maybe yes, maybe no, depending on what’s most convenient for your theory. That’s not sarcasm, it’s just that there’s no good way of checking how big the hole is.

Throwing a ball of clothes would be a lot easier than throwing a lot of other things. Maybe it’s a bit weird, but I don’t find it completely unbelievable that Eden considered it the best option.

-To make the whole ordeal easier, it would be best to make sure the “noose” end of the longer rope dangles from the railing over the seesaw, closer to the entrance, so they don’t have to move Arei around too much. They could easily do this by just throwing the ball of clothes around a couple of times.

-The BDA is an issue, since the accomplice would also be a “witness” and thus not count. But this can be solved quite simply. For one, there could be a loophole where if Eden just looks away when Arei’s neck breaks, then she’s not a “witness” and she counts. If that sounds too stupid, there’s another answer. To make absolutely sure Eden would be counted as the blackened, the accomplice would leave the room entirely while Eden holds Arei up in the air. That way, the moment they enter again, they would see the corpse without being a “witness” to the murder, and so they count. Add to the accomplice/Eden the view of Whit and Teruko, and you have the three you need for the BDA.

-That’s also my answer to why Eden shouts “Teruko, wait!” right before Teruko opens the door to the playground. Logically, she knew the BDA would play, which is why she didn’t act nervous when Teruko first offered to search in a group of three, but she second-guessed herself right before they got there. I’m sure we’ve all had an experience like that before, where logically we know one thing will happen, but we still get nervous right before the thing happens because we’re worried it might go wrong.

-The Achilles Heel of this theory is the missing bowling glove from Arei’s left hand. I have exactly one explanation for it, and it’s kinda stupid. Essentially, I believe the accomplice took the glove for themselves, to reveal it during the trial if people start accusing Eden. The idea would be that showing people that glove should hopefully get them to vote for the accomplice without thinking about it too much, but since Eden is the real blackened, they would lose and Eden would escape.

Imagine a big reveal, with a little animation like David’s “guilty as charged”, where the accomplice takes out the glove from their pocket and they say “I killed Arei” or something. That’s kinda what I’m envisioning.

So… that’s basically the method. And now, we have to answer the age old question:

but, like, why though

And this, this is the question that makes me believe the accomplice idea more than any other. Because it gives a proper reason for why the method had to be so complicated.

See, there is one fundamental contradiction in the evidence we see, one which has to be solved in some way. Arei’s wrists were bound, but given the rest of the evidence, there was a mechanism involved in her murder.

Why is that an issue? Because if you bind her wrists, then there is no reason not to just kill her in a much easier, simpler way. And there’s no reason to bind her wrists after killing her, either. So why would the killer go through all this trouble?

demodraws0606 (not sure they’d want to be tagged) suggested in this post, under Levi!Culprit, that maybe Levi was trying to frame Eden, and to do that, he had to make sure the BDA wouldn’t rule her out. And while that’s a really good post and a pretty interesting idea, the main issue with the plan of framing Eden in general are the fish. Levi maybe wouldn’t know for sure whether or not Eden would have an alibi, but just in case, it would be much safer to just fill the water jugs with water from a sink or something. The fish could only ever exclude Eden, never incriminate her.

Joe’s method assumes Eden simply used a complex method to distance herself from the murder in a way. Working on mechanisms would calm her as a clockmaker, so she feels more comfortable with murder if she can do it with a mechanism. This is cool, and while I personally think it’s a bit underwhelming, it could work. But it only works if Eden!Solo works, and then you have to explain the fish again. Joe says David brought them there, but, I don’t agree. Doesn’t mean it’s wrong, obviously, just that I personally don’t see it given what we have. I think David genuinely thinks Arei committed suicide because of him.

David: Of course. Of course this would happen.

So, yeah.

And because the why is so hard to explain, I think it’s important to explain it. And wouldn’t you guess it, my method does explain it.

It goes back to the origin of the accomplice idea. Eden couldn’t have done this on her own.

Let’s be clear; an accomplice is a huge leap in logic. One that I feel comfortable making given everything, but one which would take the characters a while to figure out. One which they may reject in principle. There’s no benefit for an accomplice after all, right?

I’ll address that in a moment, but let’s get back to the main point. Eden couldn’t have done this on her own, and because of that, the method in itself is an alibi for her.

Think about it. Because she is clearly not strong enough to lift Arei up into the air (or at least, that’s what it looks like), what happens if someone starts pointing fingers at Eden? Well, all she has to do to absolve herself is insist they speak about the method, and guide them in the general direction of the right answer. Once they start thinking the murderer would need to be strong enough to pull Arei + water jugs up into the air, they would instantly dismiss Eden as a possibility, until the idea of an accomplice is revisited.

This is, by the way, why I think the Hanging Method works better than the Neck Stopper Method under Accomplice Theory-

(ok the nomenclature is starting to get out of hand)

-, because it requires more strength to use the pulley.

But the point is the same. This method actually provides an explanation to why a mechanism was necessary when Arei’s wrists were bound. It was to give Eden a defense.

And that’s also where the fish come in. Because the most straightforward explanation for why the fish would be there would be that the killer would want to confuse the time of death. But why? The time the fish were taken is the same time frame the characters currently believe the murder happened at, so the alibis don’t change. If the killer wanted to give themselves an alibi for the supposed time of death, they would need to have an alibi for the time the fish were taken. But if they have an alibi for the time the fish were taken, they couldn’t have taken the fish!

Provided Nico is telling the truth about the fish, but I really don’t see why they’d be lying. I really doubt they’re the killer.

Thus, unless the fish somehow got there through a third party entirely (which I find unlikely, as Veronika had an alibi and no one else would really want to hide that they found a dead body for a night), it’s very possible the accomplice brought the fish to give the real killer an alibi.

So, that’s the big reason I have for believing there was an accomplice. It’s the best explanation for the fish and the motivation behind the creation of a mechanism I can find, but of course, that’s my opinion. There’s a bit more to it actually, but before we get there, we have to ask:

OMG, Who Did This?!

What we know about the accomplice for now is that they must not have an alibi for the time the fish were taken. This leaves us with Ace, Nico, Rose, Arei, Levi, and David. We can also add Hu to the list, as her only alibi is Eden, and, well.

Out of hand, I'm gonna eliminate Nico, Ace and David, as I really don't think their characters fit the accomplice idea at all, I hope you can forgive me.

I gave Arei a fair bit of thought, since narratively I could see it working, but I just don’t think it’s physically possible. One of the things which got me to believe there was an accomplice was that it would be really difficult for Eden to string up Arei’s corpse herself, and Arei wouldn’t be able to help with that on account of being dead.

So, then there three.

Was it Rose?

An interesting possibility. She was the first one to suggest looking in the trash, which helps Eden build the narrative she and Arei were friends, and she was one of the people who suggested voting for David on Ep 11, claiming she didn’t want the trial to go on any longer. However, that’s pretty circumstantial, and I don’t think there’s much else connecting her to the crime. I also don’t know how much stronger she is than Eden, but that’s neither here nor there. Overall, a possible candidate, but not extremely plausible.

Was it Hu?

Hey, have you ever thought about how weird it was that Hu and Eden never spoke during the conversation Teruko, Charles, Whit and David had right before David went to the relax room on night three? They were supposed to be cleaning up after dinner at that point, according to their alibi, so what gives?

Well, frankly, I just think they weren’t in the kitchen, but probably just cleaning in the cafeteria itself. But maybe Hu and Eden are lying!

Hu could work as an accomplice, given her caring nature and the fact she probably has the “hopeless child” secret, meaning she’s attempted suicide. Thus, she may be willing to throw away her life for Eden’s, which is the biggest obstacle for the accomplice idea.

Her secret quote could allude to it. “I want to pay for what I’ve done. But even then, I still want to live.” The issue there is… well, that could be referring to quite literally anything else, so.

I consider Hu the second likeliest candidate for accomplice because of all that, but… frankly, I still don’t see it. The way she acts during the trial doesn’t suggest she’s doing anything of the sort, and there are reasons she wouldn’t want anyone to get away with murder. Mainly everyone else’s lives. Also, she has even less arm strength than Rose, seeing as she lost at arm wrestling with her.

There’s probably more discussion to be had regarding Hu as an accomplice, but frankly, I don’t think it’s necessary for now. Because there is one person who fits the bill much better than Hu, and has much deeper connections to both Eden and the murder.

You read the title of the post. You know who I think the accomplice is. Let’s go.

Yeah, it’s Levi

(How’s that for a callback?)

Levi is probably the most widely believed culprit theory, and for good reason. He acts very suspiciously all throughout the investigation and the trial. He is the first to call up MonoTV to start voting after David’s reveal, he throws accusations quite liberally, his profile states he dislikes unpredictable people like Arei, the ball of clothes and even the missing glove being involved connects him to the method through his talent…

The main thing is the secret motive. Not only did Levi receive Arei’s, without the context Arei gave David and Teruko in the playground, it is widely speculated that Arei received Levi’s secret through sheer process of elimination. Won’t get into it here, many people have already talked about it, so just trust me bro.

Not to mention the whole “good person” fiasco. Essentially, Ch 2 has the title “All That Glitters”, with the secret title “A Good Person”. Clearly, put together you get “Not All That Glitters Is Gold” -> “Not All That Glitters Is A Good Person.”

And as far as I can tell, there are only a few people who have been referred to using the specific words “good person” in this chapter:

-Teruko: She dissuades Whit from calling her a good person because she’ll feel bad when she’s not.

-David: Hu calls him a good person right before his Ep 11 heel turn.

EDIT: I misremebered, the line is actually "good friend." Ah, oops.

-Eden: Levi calls her a good person in the beginning of the chapter.

-Arei: Says she will prove to Eden she can be a good person.

-Levi: Eden calls him a good person at the beginning of the chapter.

Hopefully I didn’t miss any.

You’ll notice the common thread is plot relevance in CH 2. Teruko’s the protag, David pushed the plot forward by getting people to reveal their secrets and also had his heel turn (EDIT: But he wasn't called a good person so), Eden has been a huge part of the chapter and she might be the killer, and Arei is the victim.

The outlier is Levi, which would suggest he’ll come to be plot relevant soon enough. I don’t think just getting his secret revealed would be enough to put him up there in importance with the most influential people in the entire chapter, so he’s probably heavily involved in the murder. And since I don’t think he’s the killer, accomplice it is, baby.

There is even a particular moment we can point to as the moment Levi may have given up on the group as a whole.

Levi: Why do I even bother?

Right after Ace refuses his help after almost getting murdered. And Eden’s right there.

Finally, his secret quote is “I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness.” That’s interesting, because in this context, it could be he never believed Arei wanted to change, as her previous actions contradicted the words she said to Eden. But maybe that’s a poor excuse for his heartlessness, as Arei did want to change.

There’s more I could bring up, like the fun fact Levi’s profile states he likes suckers (candy) and Eden’s states she likes sweet things (that’s insanely circumstantial and confirmation bias-y, but sure I’ll bring it up), but I think venus and accirax may be wanting to make a narrative defense of the Levi!Accomplice theory, so I’ll leave it to them, since they’ll probably do better than I could. Lord knows they did better on Eden than me.

Not gonna lie I’m kinda making this so they can just link back here instead of the insanity train the original thread was-

Final Issues

No theory is perfect, and this one isn’t an exception. While I think the theory mostly covers all the evidence in the scene quite satisfactorily, the explanations for the BDA, the glove and the shape of the scuffed floor (but how do you explain that shape) are a bit shaky. There’s also a few awkward moments of timing and character’s actions, like the whole Ace almost-murder situation being sorta awkward with Eden’s presence in the second floor, and in particular that Arei apparently spent almost an entire day inside her room. That’s sorta gonna be an issue for everyone unless you believe Ace is lying about the day her conversation with David happened, which… okay, isn’t as insane as it sounds, read joe’s theory, but I still consider a bigger leap than simply assuming Arei took a real long nap.

And of course, as much as I’ve ignored it, it’s still insanely risky for Eden to work with an accomplice, and we have to assume Levi was willing to die and get everyone else killed just to get Eden out of there. I’ll try my best to explain how I think that could happen in the Closing Argument.

However, it’s all in all, in my opinion, not too bad. Everything is pretty physically plausible, there are narrative justifications for practically everything, and the few inconsistencies aren’t too large or obnoxious for me to consider damning. I’m still open to other theories, of course, but for now, this is the thing I believe.

So, now that we’ve established how I arrived at my conclusions, it’s time for what everyone’s been waiting for!

Closing Argument

Keep in mind character motivations and especially unseen dialogue could vary quite a lot. The main thing to take away is the actual method, everything else is sorta flavor text. This… really is a lot longer than it has any right to be. I kinda got carried away trying to show how I think the characters would act. Sorry.

I’ll mark with “>” the parts which are mostly just for spice, “~” the actually important parts, and just for fun I’ll add predictions to how the end of the trial will go with “+”.

I am extremely sorry if I mischaracterize anyone. I’m not good at writing dialogue, but I think it’s worth trying to give a better impression of what’s going on in my head.

(Days start counting after the start of CH 2)

Second Day, Afternoon

~Eden wanted to return home.

>Of course she did! Everyone did, in the killing game. She kept trying to look for ways to end it completely, and while she hadn’t found a good solution yet, she’d surely find it soon enough!

>But for now, they had to keep strong! And fight against the motive! David had suggested talking to the people whose secrets they’d all received so they could share it and ease tensions, and Eden thought it was a great idea! She went up to Arturo, and told him what she’d received about him.

>…

>She almost died.

>That was the only thing running through her mind as Arei got Arturo away. Eden had almost died, and if it weren’t for Arei, she most likely would have. A small desperation began to grow in her heart, longing to get out, get out, get out-

>Arei tried to talk to her, apologize for the things she’d said in the playground… but Eden couldn’t believe her.

>Arei had shouted in her face that Min’s death was her fault. Even if it was, to say it like that… Eden wanted to cry just thinking about the things Arei had said. Eden may have been nice, but she wasn’t naive. Someone like that could never be a good person.

>Still, a part of Eden wanted to give Arei the benefit of the doubt. So, she hugged her, told her how much it meant, and went on her merry way.

>But those doubts had firmly planted themselves in Eden’s mind. What if Arei was just manipulating her? What if Arturo attacked her again? Would someone as weak as her even be able to stand up to the killing game, when she couldn’t stand up against some bullies?

>Slowly, the gears in her mind started to turn. An idea was brewing, an idea which scared Eden to even think about, but one she was desperate enough to entertain.

>There was a way for her to end the killing game. By winning it.

>I mean what? No! Eden would never kill anyone! …

>But if she were to, hypothetically speaking, how would she go about it?

>By the second night, she didn’t know all the details, but she was going on autopilot, her body moving practically without her thinking. Just like she used to get lost in her work while making clocks, she was now beginning to get lost in the preparations for a murder.

>An accomplice, she would need an accomplice, if she wanted to do it. Probably something with the rope in the storage room, she was good with mechanisms. Maybe the railings on the playground, a pulley system… she needed a way to get the rope up there, and a way to secure the grip of her accomplice on the carousel.

>Hypothetically, of course.

Second Day, Almost Nighttime - Nighttime

~She went to the second floor, grabbed some of Hu’s and Teruko’s old clothes, and put them in the relaxation room to cover them in starch. She wanted to make a ball of clothes, it was the best way to get the rope over the railings.

~She also needed tape from the gym, the roll people used to replace the grippy tape on the pull-up bar when it got too sweaty.

~Slight issue: nighttime had begun, and there were still a few noises in the gym. Eden didn’t want to be caught doing anything too suspicious, so she decided to wait out until the noises stopped.

~Slightly bigger issue: Teruko arrived at the second floor, spotted her, and now Eden needed a cover story. She just told her she was looking for Hu’s and Teruko’s new clothes, sure, that works.

>Eden told Teruko her and Arei had made up, and asked if she wanted to pry. In retrospect, she wasn’t sure why she’d done that. If Teruko had heard the story of what Arei had said, she would just tell Eden what the uglier parts of her psyche were already telling her. That Arei was lying, trying to manipulate her. But maybe she wanted the confirmation, to justify to herself why she was thinking the thoughts which were running through her head.

(It’s almost tragic, really. If only Teruko had pried, maybe Eden would have learnt of Arei’s breakdown, and everything would have ended there)

~The two decided to head back to the first floor, and Eden figured she would just take the tape tomorrow-

~Oh shit, Ace got murdered.

>Seeing that convinced Eden. The killing game was too dangerous, when even the seemingly harmless Nico was able to do something so brutal to one of the strongest participants physically speaking. She had to get out, and now. She couldn’t disappoint her family, her friends, and her.

>So, she resolved to do something about it right after-

>Oh, hey, Ace wasn’t dead! That was… good. Even if he knocked Eden down to the floor when he woke.

~… And while she’s on the floor, she may as well pick up the tape she had come to retrieve.

~[Cue Ace running to kill Nico scene]

>Wow. Tensions were… really high. Ace had collapsed, and even then Teruko had just walked away as if nothing had happened.

>But Eden was more curious about something Levi had said. “Why do I even bother?” What had he meant by that? She decided to speak with him.

>…

>Levi had lost all hope.

>There was just no way to reason with the people of the killing game. All of them were erratic, nonsensical, unpredictable people. And he loathed unpredictability in people.

>None of them wanted to accept help when it was offered. None of them knew what the hell to do about anything, but refused to just be nice and patient with each other. Practically speaking, pretty much the only normal person around was-

>Oh, Eden wanted to talk to him. Sure, he could do that.

>Eden was checking in after the whole Ace fiasco. How nice of her.

>But after chatting for a while, Eden directed the conversation towards an encounter she’d had with Arei. She explained what the bowler had told her, looking for advice. She asked if Levi would believe Arei, seeking confirmation on whether or not she really could be trying to get better. And Levi...

>Levi was pissed.

>Because it was such an obvious lie. Such a horrendous attempt of manipulation. To try and take advantage of someone as nice as Eden, truly despicable.

>Eden seemed taken aback at his intensity, asking why he was so certain. Levi debated internally for a moment, before deciding Eden deserved the whole truth.

>"Blackmail, rumors, lying, stealing, slander. You did everything you could to ruin your sisters' lives." That was Arei's secret, the one Levi received.

>Eden looked horrified when Levi told her, and it seemed she agreed with what Levi was already thinking. After all, they both loved their family a lot, even if Levi had been disowned. Someone like Arei, who would do something so horrible to their own family, couldn't possibly be a good person. If Arei did all that to her own sisters, who's to say she wouldn't do the same to Eden?

(In retrospect, Levi would always regret jumping to conclusions. After it was all over, he would try to explain. “I always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. But maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness.”)

>And in all that anger, and hopelesness, and desperation... Eden revealed an idea. A very strange, almost outlandish idea. To help her out of the killing game.

>Levi wasn't a fool. He had seen how the group had handled the first trial. Eventually, someone was going to get away with murder, and that would be how the killing game would end. It was predestined.

>And if someone was going to win, it may as well be the kindest person in the group.

~He agreed.

Third Day, Noon

>Everyone was yelling, and Arei's stomach was twisting.

>Nico had tried to murder Ace. They hadn't outright admitted it, but Levi's and Ace's accounts were enough to get her to believe it.

>But she wasn't thinking so much about the incident itself, as much as she was thinking about what had caused it. The secrets. David's plan was backfiring massively...

>Except, maybe it wasn't. As she saw everyone arguing, the secret she had seen Whit receive flashed in her mind. David's secret. "You exist to manipulate others. Everyone else exists to be taken advantage of."

>Was he really that evil? Was he really trying to instigate a murder? Was anything he had ever said even true?

>Had he lied to her, too?

>...

>She didn't feel like speaking much that day. She'd rather go to her room, and contemplate. Maybe sleep for a while. Maybe lie in her bed, and maybe cry a bit.

>She didn't leave her room until it was time for dinner.

Third Day, Afternoon

>Ace was fucking pissed.

>Of course he was, he'd almost been murdered! By Nico of all fucking people! And now he couldn't even look the fucking gym without getting nervous, like the motherfucker would show up any time and finish the job!

>But it's not like that was gonna stop him from exercising. He wasn't a fucking coward, he wasn't afraid of Nico. (Or at least, he told himself that). So he'd train anyways! He'd raced on horses he was terrified of his whole life, a little exercise was nothing!

>Still, to his chagrin, he couldn't help but feel nervous whenever he heard any noises in the rest of the floor. Even the very light noise of the elevator felt like thunder in his ears. So when someone came down and started speaking, Ace couldn't help but overhear.

>Yet, the conversation was interesting. Arei was saying David had lied about his secret? This was worth hearing.

>Ace snuck in closer and listened in. Apparently David's secret was that he was a manipulative bastard, the dick. He had gone quiet when he heard that, too, so it must have been true.

>"David! Say something!"

>David went quiet for a bit, and then... Ace got bored.

>So what? David was an asshole, big deal. Breaking news, everyone! Every single participant in the killing game sucks dick and balls! Who could have seen that coming?! It wasn't anything Ace didn't already know. So he left. He didn't really feel like listening to David try to lie his way out of that. He just went back to the gym and stopped paying attention.

>Meanwhile, the conversation went on.

[THE FOLLOWING WAS WRITTEN MOSTLY FOR FUN. I HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING HOW THIS CONVERSATION ACTUALLY WENT]

CW FOR AGGRESSIVE CONFRONTATION

>David was fucked.

>"I... I don't know what to say to that" David managed, covering his eyes with his hand. "It's... well... How do I put this?"

>"Just tell me, please. Did you lie to me?"

>"..." David sighed. A small, sad chuckle rose from his chest. "Yes. I'm sorry"

>"..."

>"I apologize for the false hope, Arei, but... people can't change" David continued. His head was firing off alarm bells, years of deception warning him not to continue, but he ignored them. "I have seen so many try. I have seen so many fail. In the end, there's no avoiding it. If you could improve yourself to be a better person, all that means is that you were a better person to begin with..."

>Arei fought back tears. "You're wrong"

>David had to stop himself from laughing in her face, but he couldn't help a sharp exhale. He would probably stop there, but... he had lied for so long, he almost wanted to speak what he actually believed for once. "No, I'm not. I'm the Ultimate Inspirational Speaker, Arei. If people could change, I would be the first to see it"

>"That's not- You can't be serious. Just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it can't happen!" Arei snapped.

>"Is that so?" David raised his voice, and glared at Arei. He smiled nervously. "Then tell me, Arei. Do you think I can change? That I can become better? Look at what I've done. I've lied for years, and now Ace has a permanent scar on his neck from the murder I almost caused!" He put a hand to his chest. He shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't, but, but- "Do you really think people like me, like us, can ever be good?! If you do, then you're a bigger idiot than I thought"

>He didn't mean that. He didn't mean that. He didn't mean that. Why was he saying it?

>Arei snarled at him, her face growing red in anger. "You...." She took a breath, and her gaze grew defiant. "I'll prove you wrong. You're the idiot here. I will become good. I promised Eden I-"

>"Well, Xander promised he'd be my friend, and look where he is now!" he almost shouted. Why was he even thinking of him now? "Don't you see it? You're lying to yourself. That's the only thing to come from my speeches. Lies. And now you're repeating a degraded version, like it's gonna be any more true just because it's coming from your mouth!" He needed to stop. He- "Are you that arrogant, or did your sisters cause you permanent brain damage?!" What the fuck was he doing?!

>"..." Arei looked horrified, and angry.

>"You don't even believe it yourself, you hypochrite!" Stop! He smirked even wider. "Otherwise, why don't you go talk to your sisters, and get them to change?" She looked so sad, why was David doing this? He had to- He couldn't- It felt good to let it out- He felt horrible- Stop- He laughed. "Oh, right! You can't! Because you're a monster and destroyed their lives! And you, won't, change"

>"You-!" Arei shouted, and rushed forward to push him. Her heart clearly wasn't in it, but David retaliated and pushed her back.

>"Out of my way!" he snarled, and began walking out of the room. He couldn't- he wasn't thinking straight, he needed- he needed air, he needed out. Arei almost slipped into the pond, or maybe she did? David couln't tell anymore. His mind was a fucking mess and his only coherent thoughts were screaming at him to leave.

>Meanwhile, Arei was left alone, and hurt. She shouldn’t listen to an asshole like David, she knew that, but, but still…

>She didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. Maybe she’d just go back to bed.

CW OVER

~Later, Levi would arrive at the relaxation room to fill up two water jugs, making sure to get the fish. At the same time, Eden was discussing ways to end the killing game with Hu, securing an alibi for the time of the fish’s disappearance.

Third Day, Nighttime

~Levi and Eden met back up at the playground, and the preparations began. The materials they were working with included two pieces of rope (one longer, one shorter), the ball of sticky clothes Eden had prepared the night before, the tape Eden had taken from the gym, and the water jugs with the water and fish Levi had gathered.

~First step, with the tape from the gym, they covered the bars of the carousel, to have a better grip when they used the mechanism.

~Then, they grabbed the longer rope and put part of it through a few of the handlebars of the carousel, before tying one end to one of the handlebars.

~After that, they tied the other end to the ball of clothes, and Levi used his strength to throw it up above the railings. In doing so, he accidentally hit one of the lights with the clothes, displacing the lightbulb and causing it to flicker. Once it fell, he also threw it up to the railing in the middle, so the unused end of the longer rope would end up around where the seesaw was.

~Meanwhile, Eden tied one end of the shorter rope to the swing set near the carousel, leaving the other end unused for now.

~After removing the ball of clothes, they fashioned the untied end of the longer rope into an odd-looking “double noose”, with one of the nooses, the one closer to the end of the rope, tied around the handles of the water jugs.

~With all the preparations in place, they took the ball of clothes to the dress-up room, and Levi went to sleep. Eden wrote the note Arei would receive, telling her to meet in the playground at 7:30. Then she went to sleep as well.

Fourth Day, Morning

>Arturo was a fucking asshole, Arei decided from the moment she saw the note.

~Obviously Arei followed it, because she was trying to be friends with Eden.

>And as suspicious as the note was, there was no way Eden would betray her, right? If she did…

>…

>Well, Arei didn’t really want to think about it.

>She arrived at the playground, and… why was there so much rope around? Eden was standing near it, contemplating… a noose?

>Oh god.

>Arei didn’t even think. She rushed in and tried to stop Eden from doing-

~Levi, who had been hidden besides the door, attacked. He ambushed Arei from behind, and used his weight to pin her to the floor. Arei screamed and struggled, scuffing the floor around her, but she obviously wasn’t able to do anything to fight off Levi.

[Oh great more dialogue]

CW for emotional confrontation, feelings of betrayal and suicidal ideation.

>”What the fuck are you doing?! Eden, get him off me!”

>Eden looked downcast, her expression somber. She was evidently lost in thought. “I’m sorry it has to be this way”

>Arei didn’t get it.

~Levi grabbed Arei’s hands, and roughly pulled out her glove to better get the tape around her wrists. This was to make sure she didn’t struggle too much after the process began.

>”Hey! Eden! What’s going on?! I thought we were friends!”

>”As if. We’re not that naive” Levi spat from behind her, and she could practically feel that murderous edge he always used when threatening Ace.

>”Huh?! What are you talking about, you-?!”

>”I’m sorry, Arei. I just can’t believe you” Eden spoke softly, fidgeting with her hands. She grabbed the noose, which weirdly had- wait. “I know you’re lying to me. You don’t have to keep pretending you like me”

>…

>Arei’s entire world crumbled in that moment.

>”H-Huh?! Wait, I- I never lied to you! I want- I wanted to be friends-!”

>”Don’t lie” Levi snarled. “We know what your secret is. What you’ve done to your sisters. I can’t believe you. You know, actions define people, and you have been nothing but terrible your whole life”

>Eden bent down to put the noose around Arei’s neck. Because of course, of course it was a fucking noose. Eden hesitated, however.

>”Don’t fall for her crocodile tears, Eden” Levi warned. Oh, Arei was crying? News to her.

>”R-Right” Eden said, putting the noose around Arei’s neck. Eden then positioned herself to pin Arei down herself as Levi stepped off and went towards the carousel.

>”Eden, please… please don’t listen to him! Don’t be scared of him! I’ll beat him up for you, just-!”

>”I’m not- I’m not scared of Levi” Eden frowned.

>”But- But, he’s a murderer without remorse!” Levi stopped in his tracks. “That’s his secret, Eden! I received it! Do you really want to help someone like that?!”

>Eden seemed to hesitate for a moment, but shook her head, and looked at Arei with glassy eyes, smiling nervously. “I mean… I- I can’t really judge him for that. I… I was the one who came up with this idea, you know”

>…

>Huh.

>So there really was no point, then.

>David didn’t believe in her. Eden didn’t believe in her. Fucking Eden. And now, even the nicest person in the entire killing game had decided Arei deserved to die.

>…

>Arei stopped struggling after that.

CW OVER, mostly. There’s still references to suicide after this point.

(God I really hope I’m not horrendously mischaracterizing these people)

~Levi begun to spin the carousel, which worked as a pulley that started dragging Arei up. As he spun it, he likely had to adjust it slightly so it wouldn’t slide off the wrong way, hence why he needed to be able to better grip all the handlebars instead of putting tape on just one. [I don’t know if that made sense]

~As the rope started pulling up, Eden stepped aside and ran over to the carousel.

~Levi stopped spinning it once Arei was high enough, and Eden attached the unused end of the shorter rope to the carousel.

~Eden grabbed hold of the carousel, and Levi ran out of the room.

~Now, neither of them had thought of asking MonoTV how to determine the blackened in the case of an accomplice being in play, so they took all the steps necessary to make sure Eden would be the blackened.

~She was the one to put the rope around Arei’s neck, she had been the one to come up with the murder plan, and she was the last person holding her up. Levi running out of the room was extra insurance: how could he be the blackened if he wasn’t even a witness to the crime? However, the final trick would ensure Eden would get the title of blackened.

~Eden let go of the carousel, and gravity made it spin as Arei fell. It spun for only a little bit, however, as the shorter rope soon fully tensed, and stopped the carousel in its tracks. Because of the height Arei fell, as well as the extra weight from the water jugs, her neck snapped in the moment the shorter rope tensed. At the same time, the handles from the water jugs snapped, and they fell to the floor.

~With this, it could be argued the act which caused Arei’s death was the letting go of the carousel, for which Levi wasn’t even present, meaning Eden was indubitably the blackened.

~And when it was all said and done, there was one fact which stood. Because of the strength the mechanism had required, Eden could not have possibly done it all alone. Unless the class somehow figured out she had an accomplice, just the strength necessary for the act would rule her out, give her an alibi. That is the reason behind the complexity of the murder.

~After that, Levi came into the room, fulfilling another nice benefit. Because he hadn’t technically witnessed the murder, he counted as a “body discoverer” for BDA purposes.

~The last step was setting up the scene as we saw it. The fish they spread around would confuse the time of death and give Eden an alibi, and hanging Arei from the swing set would make people initially believe she had committed suicide. Levi had to be the one to do that, as Eden was too weak and short, adding an extra layer of misdirection.

~”What if I just take her glove?” Levi asked.

>”Eh?”

>”I could take her glove, and then if someone spots me with it, they’ll vote me out and you’ll win” Levi explained.

>”That’s… kinda silly, isn’t it?”

>”…”

>”… Okay, sure”

>”Very well” Levi nodded sagely. Eden remained very confused.

~They took the longer tape and hid it under the carousel, then threw the tape which had been on Arei’s wrists and the jugs in the trash, as well as the note after ripping it up a bit.

~With that, they left to go see the supposed announcement of the motives.

Investigation

>Pretending to be surprised at Arei’s absence wasn’t as hard as Eden thought it would be. Just make a horrified face and say nothing, easy!

>Eden knew the BDA would still play if just Whit and Teruko discovered the body, which is why she wasn’t nervous when Teruko first asked her and Whit to go search for Arei together. Still, she second guessed herself just as Teruko swung the door open, because she would be in big trouble if the BDA didn’t play. Thankfully for her, it did, as Levi had already “discovered” it before. Honestly, it was pretty good luck (and bad luck on Teruko’s part) that Eden got to be part of the “discovery group.”

>On the side, David looks at how the body was positioned, and instantly knew what had happened. “Of course. Of course this would happen” he muttered. Arei killed herself because of him. What a monster he was.

~After pretending to be sad about Arei’s death for a moment, Eden offered to investigate with “braincell haver” Teruko, but got shut down. So instead, she joined Rose and Whit as they put together the note in the trash, to make sure they got it right. It was an important part of the plan, after all.

>Levi just went to look at the secrets because he didn’t really have to do anything specific.

Trial

>When people begun discussing the possibility of Arei helping her killer, Levi thought it would be a good way to misdirect the cast, so he started pushing the idea. Though with the slight freudian slip of saying Arei may have been her own “accomplice.”

>On the side, David held his tongue. Once MonoTV revealed the condition to be the blackened was that you were “someone alive who we can blame for her death”, any doubt dissipated in his mind. He had caused her to commit suicide, he could be blamed for her death. And he was the blackened, then.

>However, Eden needed to go against the idea of suicide, because she was supposed to sell the idea they had been friends once the note was revealed.

>When that happened, they had agreed Levi would push on the idea that Eden was the killer a bit, to “force” her to explain the note she wanted to explain anyways.

>Levi also added he’d protect Eden no matter what, but Eden responds “Don’t say stuff like that.” To the others, that was because Eden was worried Levi would end up like Arei. To Eden and Levi, it was a subtle way of saying ‘shut up and don’t link us together!’

~Eden explained the note, making sure to act like she was very distraught by the situation and genuinely believed Arei had wanted to change.

~She also provided a “handwriting sample” to look more innocent, but she intentionally wrote it in print instead of cursive to separate it from the note. Somehow, no one noticed.

>Meanwhile, David was starting to break down. She really had been trying to change, but the naive idiot had believed in David. And nothing good happens to those who believe in him.

>What a reprehensible killer indeed.

>But David’s breakdown was having an impact on Eden, who begun to think that maybe, just maybe, she had been wrong about Arei.

>She was in too deep, though. She needed to continue. She couldn’t turn back the clock now.

>When David is accused of everything, he decides he might as well enjoy the last of his life, of his killing game. He breaks down the same way he did when Arei confronted him, becoming insulting and dismissive to prevent any vulnerability from showing through. The words he said, he believed for the most part, but the smile on his face as he said them was perhaps his biggest lie yet.

>In other news, that’s pretty convenient for the murder duo! If they can just get David voted out, then…

~But that wouldn’t happen. Not if Teruko and Charles had something to say about it.

Chapter 2, Part 2

[This is just for fun]

+Charles realized the trick of the time of death, and the cast decided to start speaking of the murder method.

+After a bit of discussion (where Eden was surprisingly helpful!), they realized the murder would require inordinate strength, and they start pointing the finger at Levi.

+The secrets are revealed then, as some have realized what most of the remaining ones were. David deduced Hu must have the “hopeless child” secret, Teruko deduced Veronika must have the “self-harm” secret, Veronika in turn figured Teruko must have the “dead family” secret (that wasn’t hers, but it still applied to her life, so they didn’t question it too much. David bit his tongue), and… well, they somehow realize the “poison” secret must be Min’s.

+As Levi’s secret is narrowed down, he finally admits.

+He takes the glove from his pocket, and dramatically confesses: “I… I killed Arei”

+All going according to plan!

+The voting time is almost about to happen, but Veronika pipes in. She wants to talk about the Ace case for some reason, and while Teruko tries to deny her, the horror fanatic throws the luckster’s own words against her. “The more cases we solve, the better we’ll be at solving them in the future!”

+Reluctantly, Nico starts speaking about what they did. It was… an odd sequence, but it wasn’t too wild.

+Except, Rose pointed out something odd. What happened to the tape?

+Nico says it was still on the floor when they left. Rose says it’s impossible. Eden’s getting nervous.

+And Teruko goes dead quiet, as she runs the math again in her head.

+The lockdown… the lockdown meant no one should have been able to take the tape during nighttime… MonoTV claimed it wasn’t the one to take it… and she knew neither Ace or herself had taken it… so… It must have been taken by…

+”Teruko?” someone asked, but she wasn’t listening. It was clear now…

+She couldn’t resist the maniacal laughter that escaped her, as the adrenaline of realizing how close they’d gotten to dying (scratch that, she wouldn’t have died, but the others might have), and she realized she was right. She couldn’t trust anyone.

+The others looked at her in concern, but she just explained the simple truth.

+It was chaos. No one wanted to believe it. But the more they thought about it, more questions arose. Why would Levi make such a complex mechanism, when he could have just killed Arei in a much simpler way?

+Whit had an idea. He asked Levi which direction Arturo had ran after leaving the infirmary. And Levi answered wrong. He hadn’t listened on the conversation, then. It would be impossible for him to write the note. Charles further verified by asking Levi and Eden to spell “responsible”. Levi spelt it right, Eden spelt it wrong. “Responsibel”, the same misspelling as the note.

+There was a scrum debate, people went crazy, but in the end. They arrived at the answer, and voted for Eden.

+It was right.

+They asked for further clarification and Eden admitted everything which had led to her decision.

+”I feel terrible. Arei really was… I should have believed her. But- But, at that point, when I finally realized the truth, it was too late” Eden explained. “I wish I hadn’t done it, I want to go back… but time only moves forward. You can’t go back, no matter how hard you try”

+She hugged Teruko one last time, pleading she wouldn’t close herself off even further. But Teruko wasn’t having it. She asked MonoTV she was using a MonoCredit to get Eden away from her.

+And MonoTV obliged, starting the execution right that moment. [Credit for the idea to venus and accirax]

~This was the truth. A tragic misunderstanding, a horrible mistake. Call it whatever you want, one thing remains the same. The blackened of the case, who committed the crime with the help of Levi Fontana, the Ultimate Personal Stylist, was none other than Eden Tobisa, the Ultimate Clockmaker!

…

And right before dying, Eden reveals the name of the girl she had kissed was Mai Akasaki-

Conclusion

Yeah, this was longer than it really had to be, but I had fun writing it. This will probably be the last post I make about this case, at least until CH 2 Part 2 comes out. Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading, hope time only brings you good things! Take care!

#drdt #danganronpa despair time #fanganronpa #drdt theory #eden tobisa #levi fontana #arei nageishi #drdt spoilers

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ellesthots · 2 months

Text

Fateful Beginnings

XXVII. “tender loving care”

parts: previous / next

plot: you visit Bruce at Arkham.

pairing: battinson!bruce wayne x fem!reader

cw: 18+, discussion of suicide, hospital, mental institution, light gore, pain, arguing, mental illness

words: 5.1k

a/n: this chapter discusses a suicide attempt from the last chapter. if you would not like to read this, the next chapter will include a blurb at the beginning to summarize what takes place in this one so you can still follow along! this chapter and the next one should be the last explicit conversations about it for a while (as promised: prev. chapter summary below)

previous chapter summary: bruce tells you about his hallucinations, and you invite him to your apartment to finish the interview to escape paparazzi. he does a handwritten interview while you clean your apartment. he answers almost every question candidly, describing fond childhood memories such as a camping trip with his parents two weeks before they died. he lingers, then leaves, and upon turning in your interview to Dr. Vry the next morning, a psychiatrist (Dr. Jonathan Crane) is there. he privately informs you that Bruce attempted suicide after leaving your apartment. Crane says your leaving town could have pushed him over the edge, expressing massive concern. asks you to see Bruce at Arkham (where he’s under a 24 hr hold) and convince him to stop refusing help.

The Uber to Arkham was grueling. Stuck in that traffic felt like hours, but you couldn't remember a single thing that passed outside the window, even an isolated thought. Vibrating with anxiety, barely swallowing back the rising bile, you were escorted down a dim hallway to a tiny office after passing through the spiked gates. Another blink and Dr. Crane entered, idling by the doorway with a handful of paperwork. Your heartbeat thundered in your ears, only not pulling you under by sheer will to hear what the psychiatrist had to say.

"Fair warning Ms. Y/L/N, he is moderately injured and fully restrained; we ask that you don't get within arm's reach, however." He sighed like there'd been an issue earlier. "Make sure to let him know you are not leaving, and, if he brings up owls—" He leaned toward you, looking over the top of his glasses. "Don't try to convince him otherwise. Focus on the feelings, not the content." You didn't quite know what that meant, but you had no time to ask; he yanked the door open and stood beside it with an arm outstretched. He handed you off to a nurse, a short, kind woman with a warm smile. You followed her without fuss, unable to think due to debilitating waves of fear.

Through the fuzzy haze of your eyes and the waves of blood flushing out your eardrums, you heard the nurse tell you details on his attempt; extremely vague, fragmented, but you could get the gist: he'd jumped off of something tall and landed in a thorny, glass-bottle filled section of abandoned shrubbery. The doors opened and the bright yellow light flooded the hallway with a foreboding aura. You stepped in and the door shut immediately behind you, sounding a small alarm which quickly quieted. You flexed your fists together and suppressed a startle response when you saw him in the corner of the room, restrained in a way you hadn't seen before; rather than wrist and ankle bands, he was tethered to the bed by three long belts. The nylon was taut against his calves, his waist, and his chest. He didn't snap to attention when you entered the room, instead looking preoccupied, gazing at the far wall blankly. Is he sedated?

Your teeth jammed against your tongue to keep a squeaky whine at bay—he was covered in gauze, bright red blood sticking thickly to the white, bleeding through at nearly every point. His neck covered in pockmarks and scratches; you could see a few of them had bulging, crusted stitches. He must've landed on his left side, seeing the soft cast on his left ankle and the swathes of deep, bloody purple bruising peeking out between gauze patches. Another step in and he glanced over to you, his morose posture shifting to something buzzier, tenser. As he tried to sit up he was denied by the tightness of the strap, which you could see digging into part of his bruising. "Y/N. What are you doing here?"

Holy fuck. His voice. It was raspy, and weathered. Strained like his vocal cords had been snapped, or his esophageal lining had been burnt with an iron. He fell back against the papery pillow with a soft crunch. You thought you'd been prepared for how he might look, but this was... whew.

"I was your last point of contact." You kept your tone measured, your body language casual, but concerned enough you didn't come across bored. He was trembling again, the sound of it rattling the hospital bed. When you looked closer you saw bloodshot eyes, like the vessels had popped. It made nearly all the whites of his eyes red, and you bit your lip until it bled to reign in your immediate fear response.

He rolled his eyes, his head swaying slightly side to side. In that motion, you were able to see his undereyes and cheeks catch the bright light. His face was soaked with tear streaks, and his lips were so bitten as to be plump, swollen. "And what did they tell you happened?" He winced and looked toward his abdomen.

He's not supposed to sound like that. He's not supposed to look like that. You forgot what he'd just asked, and didn't even know if you could speak. You scrambled for words to say so he wouldn't notice your shock, but he did. "I'm fine." He glared when you just stood there, awkwardly. "What did they tell you?"

He was getting straight to the point, wasn't he? "That you had a rough night." Would the word suicide trigger him? Would dancing around it be worse?

He hated the way you stood there, he hated that you were seeing him this way, he hated the way the staff coddled him. He could tell you were afraid. He knew he sounded like shit and looked even worse. The stitches itched. His head seared from stapled wounds. The bruises were achingly deep, a dull drum of pain with no reprieve. His nose stunk of dried blood and every nostril flare cracked apart webs of it. He grit his teeth. "I didn't try to kill myself."

A fleck of dust went into his eye, forcing a repetitive wince. His forearms strained to get it to no avail, barely moving against the thick cord. "Is there something in your eye?" You took a step forward, remembering what Dr. Crane had told you about staying an arm's length away.

He kept wincing. "It's fine." Maybe if he could just yawn, water his eyes a bit... it scraped against his eye, a pain so low compared to the rest of his body it was nothing but a mere annoyance, but a visible one; you looked around for a handwashing station and saw nothing, not even a hand sanitizer in the doorway. You rubbed the tips of your fingers together, trying to warm your chilled fingers. "I can get it."

After brief hesitation, he surrendered a nod and you approached, the injuries only looking more gruesome up close. Some blood bubbled up through the gauze, leaked out the sides. The restraints were dug tightly into his skin, creating deep indents. Is this even legal? He tilted his head back and opened his eye, squinting against the glaring white LEDs scattered across the ceiling. You reached out and gently pulled back his eyelid, leaning in to search for the offending material... it was more difficult to see with all the popped vessels.

He relaxed into your touch. Slightly cool, warming up against the heat of his skin. No more of the gloved hands, the clinical pats. Unconsciously his eyes shut and he heaved a deep breath out, flattening his chest, creating some space between him and the restraint. You kept your fingers on his brow bone, feeling his weight shift toward you. His lashes fluttered with tears, pain, or both; your thumb caressed his skin, gliding softly along his orbital bone. His breathing drew deeper, breath coming heavily out of his nose. Wet, hot tears leaked from the corner of his eyes. He felt himself melting out of the fight response for the first time since he'd left your apartment.

If pain could be translated through touch alone... Bruce. With every shuddering, panicked inhale the gauze flexed on his shoulders, the tape rippling. Your heart exploded for him. You flipped your palm and stroked his cheek with the back of your hand, brushing the hair back and out of his eyes. "You're safe." He exhaled forcefully from his nose, strained attempts at containing his sobs. At the quickening of his breath the door slammed open; alongside a guard, the nurse from before stormed into the room. He'd been so lost in the slip of your hand against his cheek that he only noticed people had come when you jolted back. It felt like having the floor fall out beneath his feet.

"That's enough." The nurse walked forward and placed a hand on your back, urging you toward the door. "Don't want to push it, now." You tried desperately to look back at him, but the security guard's back kept him out of view. The door snapped shut. You glared at the woman, cringing away from her touch. "He wasn't going to do anything, he's hurting—"

Dr. Crane came walking at a steady clip, a clipboard nestled tightly to his elbow and flush against his abdomen. "Ms. Y/L/N,"

Tears pricked at the edge of your vision, your tone bleeding with hostility. "You're treating him like a dog."

He nodded at the nurse and she walked away. You felt sparked, jittery, overwhelmed. Anger flushed your cheeks. Your fingers hung stiffly at your side, buzzing with adrenaline. He held an arm down the hall, sighing in tandem. "Let's have a word in my office."

Bruce was going to make note of how they treated him and see to changing things. The guard tightened his restraints before stomping out and shutting the lights almost entirely, save the glow from the observation window which cast a sinister vibe about the room. The day had been erratic, a deluge of care professionals keeping the door on a swivel. He'd spoken to at least three different social workers, two on multiple occasions. A therapist had tried to discuss the event with him, and he could tell she believed not a single word. Everyone left with a sigh and a hurry like he was an unwelcome, parasitic guest.

He was floored when you'd arrived. He thought for sure you'd already left, and had felt a twinge of relief at you not having to know about this. He hadn't thought about paparazzi until every worker who entered his room assured him that he was booked under an alternate name, and 'no one' would find out about this. It only served to remind of what he'd tried to forget the past three years—that his mother had been here, too, and it had been weaponized against her. The scene from the night before replayed so vividly whenever he closed his eyes, leaving him unable to sleep, restless, struggling against the restraints as much as he could without alerting the camera to any signs of escape. He'd woken up here, Alfred telling him he'd just been transported from Gotham General. He was given a hefty dose of lorazepam at GG, and awoke here fully restrained. Alfred told him he was informed he'd tried to fight the nurses, scratching, kicking, and biting them. He didn't recall a second of it.

What he did recall was terror. Debilitating, horrifying, vice-grip terror. A few blocks south of your apartment, a large hooded creature wearing an owl mask had grabbed him by the neck. It was so fast he didn't realize what was happening until he thudded against a wall, cracking a rib and the brick in harmony. The dark abyss enveloped him then, slicing, tearing, and pummeling him against the concrete. In a desperate attempt to get through, Bruce had wrapped his hands around the creature's throat, applying disarming pressure, a level that would make any attacker fall to their knees. The creature had only intensified their attack, acting completely unphased. Bruce had staggered to his feet, spitting blood out of his mouth as he was run deep into the concrete, slammed into the jagged edge of a dumpster. At this point he feared for his life, the edges of his vision blowing out, darkening, every breath feeling like he was pulling out his intestines piece by piece. He wrapped both hands around the thing's neck, wrestling, squeezing, juicing its throat harder than he'd ever touched anyone in his life. A force that strong would have snapped a neck in two seconds, but: nothing. With a final heave, he felt himself lifted up and thrown through the air. The last thing he remembered was the mortifying sensation of spikes entering his skin.

He'd stopped relaying the story by the time the third social worker arrived. The first two had jotted down his words, nodded at all the right times, but looked at him like he was a zoo animal. It was all too reminiscent of when people had walked on eggshells two decades prior.

"I'm sure this feels distressing, Mr. Wayne."

"The witness said they saw you jump from the top of the Spriff building, landing in some brush."

"Mr. Wayne. Your guardian, Mr. Alfred Pennyworth relayed a family history of schizophrenia. Is this information new to you?"

At the end of every validating sentence was one discrediting his perception entirely. His breaking point came when Alfred entered teary, holding a wadded up, snotty tissue. He'd begged him to get help, and he nearly did just to alleviate his misery, but he couldn't. His Bat senses were tingling, desperate to hit the ground and investigate it. The face clearly matched the etchings, he still needed to follow up on the Electrum, see if it was a dead end... he had to visit Mayor Reál, talk to her about the election; he was so aware she was somewhere unreachable within these walls. What if they were gaslighting her just like him? What if he'd gotten too close, and this was an effort to subdue him? Had Alan's death been framed? Still, embers of shame stirred deep within, fueling the nagging, world-ending thought that he was merely searching for things to alleviate his fear, to keep his denial rooted and strong. That he was embarrassing himself, refusing to give in to the truth and accept reality.

"You must understand," Dr. Crane shut his office door and swiftly navigated to his desk. Various papers and medical journals, including a reference copy of the DSM, laid out across the tabletop. You stood opposite him, unable to contain the emotions barreling through you. "Safety is of the highest priority here at Arkham."

"He was crying—"

"He was growing agitated." Dr. Crane slapped his clipboard down between you. He heaved an exasperated sigh and leaned down to rummage through a filing cabinet. The folder he pulled had newly initiated crease lines. The room was silent aside from ruffling of thick papers and the tick of his watch. He tugged out a single page, the quality of the paper so poor you could see the text peeking through. "In Mr. Wayne's condition, any heightened emotion could cause an issue. Let's just say he didn't arrive restrained."

Over the next hour he sat with you to explain the protocol, sprinkling in a few sighs about how you hadn't told him you were staying. You'd forgotten it entirely, too sideswept by his cut body and annihilated spirit. You were able to get clarification about 'feelings over content', which was the thesis of the whole operation. "When we focus on the content, meaning 'what happened', we can further alienate and antagonize the patient. To them, their hallucinations are as real as our conversation right now. Imagine if right before your very eyes, I started trying to tell you what you are hearing, seeing, feeling, smelling, and tasting were not real. Pretty activating, correct?"

You'd squirmed in your chair a bit. "I'd feel gaslit. Maybe pissed off."

He snapped his fingers. "Exactly. Instead focus on the feelings. It is real to the person experiencing it. Often it's highly distressing for them. 'That sounds scary', 'How can I best support you through this?' If possible, try to distract. Anxiety can make delusions and hallucinations worse." After the hour was up, you'd left with a chock-full notepad of what to do once Bruce was released. The major themes were highlighted at the top:

- feelings, not content

- distract, soothe

- do not engage with hallucination, aside from naming your own perspective (reality testing)

- develop a reorienting code

- be on the lookout for triggers, symptoms, and effective ways of managing them (incl. 'seeking' behavior)

Bruce was to be released at eleven that evening, accounting for the hour spent at the hospital getting his wounds dressed and checking for internal bleeds. That's all you could make out, anyway, from the backwards text you'd struggled to read while Dr. Crane had perused through a stack of documents. The drive to your apartment left you sitting in your vigilance, questioning your next move. Would you go down to Arkham later to see him? Would you go to Wayne Tower? Both options felt too intrusive, and you were sure Alfred would be there early to retrieve him... by the time you arrived back you decided to stay put and call Dr. Crane in the morning for a follow-up.

The rest of the day was miserable. Part of you wanted to reach out to Mar, but it was vetoed by how unstable you felt; if she came over, you might slip and tell her everything. How had Bruce endured this for so long? Holding this secret and all its complexity was deeply isolating. You emailed Dr. Vry saying you'd be staying for at least a few more weeks, and she'd responded half an hour later saying that Dr. Crane had already informed her that you were to remain in your post for the near future. Every minute felt like hours; you'd taken three showers that day just to do something in between binging reality television and ordering takeout. The only furniture that hadn't been broken down by the morning was your bed and couch. Who needs a dining table anyway? Bridgit emailed to confirm receiving your copy, letting you know that Dr. Vry had cleared it without edit. Whatever pride you might have felt this morning at hearing that was no longer present. All you felt was fear; weighty, inescapable, all-encompassing anxiety at holding someone's life in your hands. Maybe he'll have a change of heart. Maybe he'll talk to Alfred tonight, everything will be fine.

Your doorbell rang at 11:30 that night, and you'd been cross legged in front of the door for the past half hour awaiting his arrival, unable to rest or relax. A few minutes before he knocked you'd felt like an idiot; he had no reason to come see you. Without even looking through the peephole you hurried the door open within a second of his knock, and he nearly bonked you in the face when you appeared in the doorway. You must've been waiting at the door. About to leave? "Can I come in?"

His voice was still liquid sandpaper. You moved out of the way and he walked in, not bothering to hide his obvious limp. You looked around for a chair, and gestured to the couch. He declined, opting instead to lean hard into the counter for balance. You stood an awkward distance away, nervous if you got too close he might bail. His eyes were still bright red, the gray pallor beneath his tired eyes appearing hollow in the low light. He was a bit hunched, the gauze on his body replaced with thick bandages. His sweater from before was replaced by a baggy black t-shirt with matching sweats. Past getting his bearings, he didn't waste time. "What exactly did they tell you?"

Since he was asking.. "They said you attempted suicide." You were banking on Dr. Crane's assurance that naming suicide wouldn't increase risk. He shifted uncomfortably, but it was impossible to tell if it was related to the conversation or his battered body. He scowled. "That's not what happened." His breathing was more labored now. His eyes searched your face for anything that believed him. Anything different than what he'd seen the past twenty-four hours.

You swallowed. "What happened from your perspective?"

He scoffed, the hope he'd had crushing to dust. "It's not about perspective, it's about what happened." He moved to run his hands through his hair but only made it halfway before the bandaging restricted him. "This thing, this creature, it came out of nowhere." His voice trembled. "It had the same face as the pins, like an owl, a bird, but huge." He tapped his foot with the soft cast anxiously. His eyes were wide as he tried to conjure words to accurately depict it. He could feel you weren't buying in, probably thinking he was crazy. He winced. "I know how it sounds,"

"It sounds terrifying."

His arms dropped limply at his sides. "I'm telling you, I've never experienced anything like it. No matter how hard I fought," He tripped over his words, waves of shame and frustration crowding his thoughts. "I tried to strangle it and I couldn't, I've never pressed that hard," His eyes were wet with angry, embarrassed tears. You nodded at him, the enunciation of your words clear and deliberate. "That's really scary."

You sounded just like the staff. He tucked his lower lip under his teeth. He stood there a moment, claustrophobic in the silence. His eyes shut and he shook his head at the ground, pursing his lips. "You don't believe me."

You stepped toward him and he bristled. "I believe you experienced that." Your brow furrowed, your hands clasped together wringing out the skin. His laugh was despondent, empty. He bit the inside of his cheek, anger straightening his posture to stand unsupported. "Don't coddle me."

"I'm not meaning to coddle,"

"I know what I saw!" His voice raised, exaggerating its huskiness. It was approximately this second when you regretted signing the forms, and wanted to slap Dr. Crane for ever putting you in this position. You had no concept of what to say outside of what you already had, the thought of changing the subject felt asinine and brutally disrespectful, and you were left to bear the brunt of the responsibility of the outcome. There was a reason people went to school for the better part of a decade to navigate these situations. Against your better judgement, wanting to show him you weren't coddling, you directly engaged with details of the night before—the few that you'd been given. "They said you jumped off a building and landed in some brush. Glass, thorns, branches." He noticed your eyes wander to his injuries. He shrugged—barely, as much as his body allowed. It read as a heave. "Alfred told me. That didn't happen."

You had to tread very carefully. "Isn't it curious, though?" You kept your tone warm, low, gentle. For what you were saying, how you said it was crucial. You pegged him as a logical man, someone highly analytical, cunning, detailed. Maybe the direct approach was more tailored to him. "You're hallucinating the same figure for months. And what you said about your family..." You let him fill in the rest.

Bruce was starting to get pissed off—at you, specifically. He couldn't forget that none of this had happened until you came into his life. Now his life was punctuated by—no, infested with these shitty, confusing, layered affairs that only made him look suspicious. He kicked himself for opening up about the owls—maybe you'd have believed him if he hadn't. He loathed how much your positions made sense, because they couldn't be farther from the actual truth; but how could he convince anyone, let alone you, about his character and sanity? He had nothing. No one vouching for him. Just the weight of his reputation and family preceding all interactions, clouding it until he was no longer a human being in his own right.

The extended silence unnerved you. His face twitched painfully. Meds! Good segue. You didn't know he was fighting a carousel of dystonic emotion, that he was only not running out without a second look because you knew him, and knew this, and no one else did. "Do you want pain meds? I think I have ibuprofen here," You walked to your barren medicine cabinet without awaiting his response... which didn't end up coming, anyway.

You stood clutching a travel bottle of Advil. The pills rattled as they settled. "Uh, Bruce?"

"If you really think I tried to kill myself, wouldn't I want to bask in the pain?" His tone was biting, sourced from the depth of his helplessness. "If I really did this to myself, why run from it?"

Dr. Crane said to look out for signs of agitation. "You don't have to suffer through it."

He shot a look at you that sent an arrow through your chest. It wasn't pity that cradled you seeing hot, angry tears bleed from his lash line, or fear noticing his clenched fists and trembling mouth. It was compassion—so compelling and isolated, wholly unaffected by guilt or grief. You set the bottle down. As your apprehension lessened, he felt the air shift; with it, his heart quickened remembering your hand on his cheek. He swallowed back his rage and bat his eyes to dry them. "Fine. I'll have some." You handed over the bottle and he popped a few in his mouth, dry swallowing before you could reach for a glass. He wanted to beg, and maybe he would've if his knees weren't ripped to shreds. 'Please believe me' sat on the tip of his tongue. Your head hung as you went to get a glass for yourself. The spigot creaked when you turned it on. He noted you rinse the cup twice before filling, and followed the rim to your lips. It was a few seconds before he thought to look away.

You pressed on, desperate to know if Dr. Crane and his team were able to get through to him. "Did you set up any long-term stuff?" The glass sat atop the counter, twirling between your fingers. He heard Alfred's popular refrain so clearly. How did no one realize how traumatic it would be to go back? To sit in the chair and have a stranger affirm his sickness? To have someone sit inside his head and deny the very thing that makes up a life: his experiences. "I didn't agree. Not going to." Short, simple... he grit his teeth when you didn't let it go.

"Wouldn't it be worth trying? If the medication helps, surely that could help with discernment—"

"I know what I saw."

"You need to be safe."

"Safety means not ignoring something that tried to kill me, Y/N." His full breaths pulled at the bandages greater now, edges of them peeking up. Panic welled up in him. Something was after him, and no one believed it. Why did he want you to believe it so badly? He hadn't even burned for Alfred to know this badly. Why did this conversation feel like nails on a chalkboard, why did a sob sit unwitnessed in his chest whenever you spoke? You sighed. "What if treatment helps that go away? Then you won't have to worry."

"What if it's waiting for my guard to slip?" He meant it as a comeback, a strong point in his favor, but his chest and your expression only deflated as he said it. This is pointless.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going out." Without any additional context, you could only think he meant as Batman. "What, to investigate?" Tell me you aren't.

"While everyone psychoanalyzes me, it could be attacking others." Seeking behavior. Seeking behavior, a phenomenon you'd never heard of prior to the meeting with Dr. Crane, explained as: a common compulsory act of investigation aimed at reducing distress stemming from disturbing hallucinations or delusions and usually present in the early stages of treatment. "Often with these patients we see a strong desire to 'prove' their hallucination; remember, their experiences are tangible to them—the denial is hard to shake. This seeking behavior can leave patients going to desperate lengths to finally find the proof that what they experienced was not just real to them, but fully real, many times placing themselves in dangerous situations to do so. If they do not find what they seek it can cause panic, aggression, and self-injurious behavior."

"Bruce," Oooh, that was starting to grate him again. "You can barely walk—"

"I'm fine."

"You're not!" His schtick was drawing ancient—you had half a mind to think Alfred no older than thirty-five, aged only by the sheer stress of Bruce's stubborn, life-risking denial. "You just got out of the hospital,"

He spoke through clamped teeth. "Mandatory minimum hold, customary and unnecessary."

"You could've died last night."

If he had a dollar for every time he heard that... well, he did, but being in this situation a thousand times over didn't make the conversation go down any sweeter. "But I didn't. Funny how that works."

Searing words sat unsaid within you. You ached to call him on his hardheadedness, to shout and argue until your voice matched his. But you bit your tongue and visualized the notepad alongside the Bruce who'd trembled beneath your fingertips. "I know this experience is a lot, and there's so much to grapple with. But you need to prioritize safety." You watched him scoff and close the gap between him and the door. "Even if you don't think it'll help. Even if it's just resting at home for a few days."

He felt the scalding heat of your concern like a branding iron. He turned the knob. "Thanks for the visit." He left while the edge of his sentence still hung in the air.

You'd called Dr. Crane as instructed a few minutes after he walked out. You were to contact him in some capacity if Bruce's safety was ever of even meager concern, and he would act as triage. He'd been very concerned, but applauded your focus on safety. "You're doing the right thing, Ms. Y/L/N." He'd posited the idea of a planned 'intervention' with him and Alfred, but you'd both quickly concluded that could cause more harm than help. The rest of the evening was spent distracting yourself off the edge of a panic attack.

You glazed over while mindlessly watching shows. The sun had shined strong for a few hours, and you closed the blinds to ensure the overcast light didn't burn you as you slept... like it ever had before. The only way sleep finally found you was by surprise, on the brink of passing out. This city was a fucking menace.

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