#cw psych wards

[ghosts-cyphera]

I don’t want to scare you, I really don’t. But listen to me: in terms of going to a psychiatric ward, Lo, are you absolutely sure this is what you want?

I speak as a survivor of the psych ward myself. I was twelve when they put me unsupervised in a room with violent individuals twice my age. They fed us rotting food. The orderlies didn’t even try to help us, or keep the violent patients from hurting themselves or others. I was lucky- I spent two weeks in outpatient, not a lot of time all things considered, but it was such a horrifying, traumatic experience that I still have nightmares about it to this day. There are whole days I can’t recall from that time because I repressed so much of it.

I know not all mental hospitals are like this, but I’m far from the only one with a horror story. These places are not meant to help people. I have spoken to many people both online and in person whose experiences were just as bad if not worse than my own. I don’t want you or anyone else to suffer like I did.

I don’t mean to be out of line, I don’t. But I care for you Lo, not just as an author I enjoy but as a fellow neurodivergent and a writer, I want you to be safe and happy. You deserve safety and happiness. And those things are seldom found in the psych ward. I just want you to be aware of the risks you may be taking. The last thing I want is for a place of healing to turn into a place of suffering for you.

Please, Lo, consider this even if you delete this message (which you absolutely can, no hard feelings whatsoever). Seeing you on my dash makes me smile and the fandom would be a little bit colder without you. But as a survivor of a psych ward, I need to impart my experiences so that others can protect themselves where I was unable to. I don’t usually speak about my trauma regarding the ward on Tumblr, this is a first. But I wouldn’t be able to live in good conscience knowing I had the opportunity to warn you and didn’t take it. Take care of yourself, please. You deserve all the light and softness in the world and more.

Oh my goodness, my darling!

I’m so, so incredibly sorry about what happened to you. This breaks my heart, and I’d give anything it takes to heal your trauma if only it worked that way. You did not deserve any of this, and the fact that you were only 12 too is sickening. I’m so, so sorry.

But to ease your anxiety, I’m not going to a psych ward, sweetheart! 💗 I have a referral to a psychiatric hospital but once I finally get in, I’ll be in outpatient care. I’ll still be living at home, but I’ll be monitored, likely given medication, and I’ll be seeing a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist to help me with my depression.

I hit a point a couple of weeks ago where I momentarily had to consider if admitting myself to a hospital/psych ward was what I needed to do to keep myself alive, but after watching every tiktok video about psych wards I could find, I promised myself to not admit myself whatever it took. Maybe some places are better than others, but the stories I’ve heard are heartbreaking. Yours, for example.

Again, I’m so, so sorry for what you had to go through. You did not deserve any of it. I’m also sorry for giving you a scare tonight. Thank you for caring so incredibly much about me and for looking out for me. I’ll never forget this. 💗 )-:

[horygory]

The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

[with-the-flickers-of-light]

did i just see a "you can't criticize ts for using psych ward imagery just bc she's never seen a therapist post" bc genuinely i am about to throw hands

and before anyone calls me crazy for that or stupid for not understanding metaphors, fear not, i know. FROM THAT TIME I WAS A "PSYCHO RETARD" IN THE PSYCH WARD.

like. i don't think she's somehow not allowed to talk about psych wards. but i definitely think the psych ward survivors are allowed to be angry about seeing it used like this -- insensitively, for a billionaire's profit and for an audience of millions?

"she's allowed to struggle" yeah she is. which is why she shouldn't have to co-opt another marginalized group's struggles. hope that helps.

[mahoshonensuicidehotline]

Close ups under cut

[borderline-culture-is]

bpd culture is being framed for threatening suicide when you're at such a low point/in the middle of a breakdown and all you can scream is how much you don't want to live anymore meanwhile you're threatened to be locked away against your consent, having your (bodily) autonomy stripped away, getting your remaining sense of safety and comfort ripped away, getting most of your belongings taken away, not being able to piss/shower without people needing to watch you, being in an environment with other severly unstable people that can (and will) trigger you, having no distractions, being left alone with nothing but your thoughts, being with staff that are nothing but shit and refuse to actually help you, being thrown in the rubber cell when acting out(yes they still are a thing), being restrained when acting out, having no access to your phone, having no actual therapy, being in an environment that is most times a clusterfuck of abuse and potential abuse, and being severely traumatized again by staying in a psych ward.

.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Your sick little head, so brain damaged and lying in that hospital bed.

This art means a lot to me. It isn’t as rendered or polished as my other work, but I want it to look scrappy, messy, and still pretty. If you’d like to just read about the style and story of the art unrelated to myself, feel free to skip this section.

Last week I mentioned being in the hospital and the psych ward, and while I wont give extreme details, it was for an overdose. Recently after getting out I’ve been trying to act like nothing happened and it’s all going to go back to normal, but this is the 3rd time I’ve done it or been on the edge of it. Just last week I had to get rid of two of my cats just after I’d been discharged and that on top of the trauma of the whole situation I’ve just felt strangely empty. Overdoses don’t just come and go like that. The mental effects aside from whatever you took linger and hurt more than anything. “I’m doing better” really just means I’m not about to do it again, but those feelings are still stored somewhere deep inside me. For this specific piece I wanted to describe that feeling and wonder of “How would anyone feel if they found me? What will they do after?”

People don’t talk about Molly nearly as much as I think they should, but it’s understandable given that she has no set substance yet. For that reason I have made my own. The biggest thing I’ve mentioned before—in my Angel Dust headcanon post—is that I believe Molly is the one that found Anthony after he overdosed and called 911. The rest of his family was likely a bit worried, but I don’t think any of them cared as much as she did. Another headcanon of mine is that Anthony and Molly had matching rings with “AN” & “MO” engraved onto them. Molly sold her ring to pay for Anthonys funeral after his passing in the hospital and now wears Anthonys as replacement on her index finger which she eventually takes to heaven with her.

I don’t imagine she was able to visit him very often while he was in a coma but she still did when she could and would talk to him in hopes he could hear her a little bit before he left. It’d take a bit of a tangent but when sinners enter hell, in my mind entering hell takes as long as it did to die. So for Anthony it likely took him a week to a month to die during his coma from complications, and in turn, it took that same amount of time for him to full wake up in hell. Sinners to me are made and formed out of the ground in hell and wake up in a similar location to where they died. Angel Dust would’ve woken up alone in a hospital while his sister was now left alone and Anthony’s body likely already buried by then.

These are reasons why I included forget-me-nots and sweet peas as taped on decals. Their meanings being “Please don’t forget me” and “Goodbye, thank you for a wonderful time.” respectively. I also added the “M” wax seal over one of the sweet peas because I feel that it’s a sentiment that Molly held close to her heart and still does.

Molly’s body is torn from pink paper while Angel’s is blue paper. I intended for these to somewhat be seen as hands, like how the pink paper wraps over the forget-me-not when the blue paper lays beneath it to show Molly’s attempt to hold onto the memory of her brother while Angel is trying to remember his own life yet is unaware of what is happening to his sister now; unaware if she’s alive or not due to his poor keeping of time. Angel is also a scrap of paper glued above Molly’s hands to pretty genuinely symbolise they’re both in different dimensions now and can’t fully be apart of the same without the help of an external force. I also wanted to include more jumping spider elements so I’d like to think the string holding the tears is silk. Jumping spiders leave silk behind incase they fall so they can climb back up and when you put that in the form of a mentality I think Molly would fit into that very well.

I really hope we see more of Molly and I hope she had a good life and can see her brother again. Of course, she is a fictional character, but I can’t imagine the trauma she’s experienced in her life even without my personal headcanons. I love Molly a lot and just from how I personally interpret her she reminds me a lot of my mother.

Hopefully you can enjoy my ramblings and craze about these funny little spiders. 🩷

[gillipopmoji]

at urgent care for chronic fatigue as of queuing this so i decided to make some wordmojis about hospitalization

[kringlepringle]

psych ward trauma woooo

[the-firefly-jar-system]

“grippy sock jail/vacation”, “i’m so ocd!”, “my ex was such a narcissist/psychopath/sociopath”, “delulu!”, “is it acoustic?”, “being silly goofy manic”, “lobotomycore”, “you’re giving me ptsd!”, “i’m such a psycho lol”, “me and my split personality!”, “that’s so cr*ppled”, “you’re so bipolar”, “how’s that extra chromosome?”, “barcode/cutting board/wrist check!”

shut the fuck up. like actually shut it.

[pt: shut the fuck up. like actually shut it. /end pt]

(specifically referring to people who don’t have the disorders/experiences they’re joking about)

[swagging-back-to]

literally the only reason i didnt hang myself in the psych ward bathroom or put a wash cloth over the drain and drown myself or drink the ink from my sharpie markers is because i didnt want them to remove the doors for the next person and take away even more of their freedom and privacy

[antirqclover]

Hi!! Good to see you've gotten out of that community! I'm so happy to see you getting better! :D

FIRST ASK HAIII!! also thank u, ive been working alot on myself and while ik i probably still have a ways to go i Have made a lot of progress honestly. after that community enabled me so much i had to get more intensive therapy, i was actually hospitalized, and im on more intensive meds. sure, my year long manic episode is definitely to blame, but the rq community enabled so much of my behavior until i hit rock bottom and was (kind of forcefully) hospitalized by a family member (it helped a lot though thank you tio 🙌🏻)

AGHH SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE, tldr i was hospitalized and the rq community enabled me in the biggest manic episode i ever had

[justanotherstardrop]

tfw youre too silly

[byanyan]

ougghhghgg ok so the crisis didn't end there, ended up having to go to urgent care to sob out half my life story to a doctor who was actually super kind and helpful and I'm feeling a bit better now, we have a plan in action I am on my way to get some new meds and the despair is less immediate and overwhelming

[with-the-flickers-of-light]

the fact that i see so many people posting "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me"... gahhhhhh. like ik using illness/medical terms as metaphors for general struggles is a very common trope (my ex was a cancer. love is a drug and i am addicted. i can't find a pulse.) but that doesn't mean i can't be extremely annoyed about it!

[slugass]

i’m so fucking tired of straitjacket/padded room humor from people who have never experienced it or even are mentally ill themselves

it’s so old and overdone but these people keep making fucking memes today where the joke is “haha straitjacket/padded cell cuz CRAZY!!!”

[borderline-culture-is]

BPD + OSDD CULTURE IS GETTING VIOLENTLY FAKECLAIMED BY YOUR OWN MOTHER AND FATHER AND BEING THREATENED WITH A 72-HR ADMISSION TO THE FUCKING WARD BECAUSE YOU CAME OUT AS PLURAL VIA UNMASKING , AND IT PISSES YOU OFF SO MUCH YOU BASICALLY COMPLETELY BLACK-SPLIT ON THEM AND NO LONGER WANNA LIVE IN THIS HOUSE ANY LONGER THAN YOU HAVE TO OUT OF NECESSITY .

THIS COMBINED WITH THE FACT THAT OUR TWO PARTNER SYSTEMS ARE LIVING TOGETHER NOW , AND ARE STILL GETTING COZY WITH EACH OTHER WHILE WE'RE MILES AWAY , UNABLE TO SHARE THAT AFFECTION , AND YOU'VE GOT ME BEING FRONTSTUCK FOR DAYS AND EXPERIENCING A FRUITY EMOTIONAL COCKTAIL OF " BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS DISORDER EPISODE : THE WORST IT'S EVER BEEN " .

GOD . PLEASE . JUST PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY . I'M LITERALLY JUST A FUCKING BUNNYGIRL K-ANGEL FICTIVE . I'M NOT BUILT TO SURVIVE THE HORRORS LIKE THIS :(

I WANNA GO HOME TO MY PARTNERS. PLEASE . ANYTHING TO GET AWAY FROM HERE . </3

— 🎙🌠🎀

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