#daisy threatening to kill people for no reason as always

[thecatspasta]

One of my favorite and most interesting thing about Jon is that he sorts peoples actions into Human and Monster

To him, the actions of monsters cannot be forgiven, as seen with Daisy, Helen and Jared

But along with that, the actions of humans always have an excuse, like Basira and his grandmother

The most prime example of this is with Jurgen where, prior to his meeting with him, he wrote Jurgen off as evil and when he did meet with him he dubbed Jurgen as just a spoiled confused child

And what makes this more interesting is how he perceives himself as a monster. He sees himself as unforgivable and monstrous, even when hes just doing what he needs to survive

He forgives people who hurt him, like his grandmother who neglected and obviously resented him and Basira, who threatened to kill him if he so much as stepped out of line, because they are human. They are people against a monster

The only time he doesnt blame himself for something is when he can blame another monster, like in mag 146, Threshold, where he blames the Web, another, different monster

And what makes his mentality so much more devastating is that many avatars, the monsters in his mind, are shown to not often be in complete control, whereas humans do have entire control

Avatars have to spread fear and hurt or they themself will die. In more explicit cases of lack of control Jon himself has stated he often doesnt realize what hes done until after its happened and Daisy becomes completely mindless by the end of the series to the point of only recognizing two things, a hunt and Basira (daisy also sorts people into monster and human, but thats because of hunt reasons)

Humans dont have these restrictions, humans are entirely free to do what they please, with the only con being they are significantly weaker than avatars

When Basira threatens him, she is doing it entirely through her own choice, whereas when Jon hunts statement givers he is doing it partly because hes forced into that position. But he will still forgive and rationalize Basiras actions while condemning and scrutinize his own, because she is the human and he is the monster

Anyways I like Jon he needs therapy

[annabelle--cane]

okay here's a tma thing that's been bugging me for like three years: I've seen a bunch of people say that jon needed to extract statements in order to live, and thus the others making him stop was equivalent to forcing him to starve to death, so I'd like to say that that isn't actually canon. that idea seems to come from this bit of mag 152:

and he explicitly says that he isn't certain, it just feels that way, and I don't believe we ever actually see an avatar die from starving their patron; we can presume that the alexandrian archivist from mag 53 hadn't fed in nearly two millennia, and it was still alive. this also comes during a short series of episodes where, having accepted that he isn't being puppeted into taking statements, it seems like a part of jon is on-and-off-again trying to come up with other reasons why he actually has to do it (he'll die otherwise, he has to be strong enough to protect the others, it must be harder on him to resist his patron than daisy and melanie with theirs, etc), so I think that colors the way he talks about it. not that I think he's lying or anything, I just think he's subconsciously magnifying any pieces of information that would make him feel better about taking statements again. I don't begrudge him that, because a) like, duh, of course that's his mindset, wouldn't it be yours? and b) he doesn't actually fall off the proverbial wagon at any point, he just thinks himself in miserable circles and feels Bad. but still, I don't think it's a full and accurate assessment.

anyway, the situation we're presented with here is more complex than "it's like making a lion stop eating gazelles," because jon neither kills his victims nor is he in actual immanent danger of death if he doesn't "feed," the real question is of extended pain and suffering. jess tyrell only tells martin about her experience two weeks after it happens, so she may well improve with more time, but as she tells it, jon not only attacked her in public and made her feel perpetually unsafe and paranoid, but he also undid five years of recovery from a traumatic event, making her viscerally re-live it every night so the terror and trauma is always fresh. jon may not die from only reading old statements, but his quality of life nosedives, he gets weak and tired and irritable with no way to ever make it let up, an even more significant problem for him than most people because of the frequency with which superpowered monsters try to kill him and everyone he cares about, and it appears to get gradually worse over time with no plateau. like, I'm not pointing this out to say "jon was complaining about nothing and basira was right to threaten to kill him," his situation was plenty bad as-is and I 100% sympathize with his whole deal, but I think saying "he needed to or he'd die" flattens the conflict and makes it overly neat and digestible.

[cosmicqvake]

Okay, so I’m nearing the end of S5 in my latest AOS rewatch, and I saw a few tiktoks, and I just wanna sorta rant for a second.

I may be a massive Daisy stan above literally all else, wbk she’s my best girl… but I believe that Yo-Yo was in the right to kill Ruby Hale. Period.

Firstly, I know revenge isn’t the SHIELD way, I get that, but at the very same time there is so much hypocrisy there surrounding other team members (eg. Coulson had his revenge on Ward, Jemma ALSO tried to get revenge on Ward but failed, Hunter as well, even May was intent on it, etc) so why shouldn’t Yo-Yo also get to have her revenge? Ruby left her disabled for life (and did it on purpose + showed no resentment + would do it again, might I ADD, by literally repeatedly threatening Fitzsimmons with the very same thing). Yo-Yo deserved vengeance, in some way.

I understand Daisy’s motive in wanting to save Ruby, to bring her on as a SHIELD agent and try to give her a new purpose, the same way she was/had- but this never could have happened. SHE CUT YO-YO’S ARMS OFF- DISABLING HER. Allowing her to become a SHIELD agent after this fact would be just as bad as welcoming Ward back onto the team with open arms after what he did to Fitz- which left him with a permanent disability in return too (in a different way but obv similar to Yo-Yo nonetheless). Both Ruby and Ward were HYDRA. Both significantly hurt a team member on PURPOSE. It’s the same deal. Bringing her onto the team would’ve been wrong.

Finally, Daisy claimed Ruby was “coming around” just before Yo-Yo killed her. Daisy, ilysm, but girl. 😭 Ruby literally tried to kill Daisy moments earlier, as well as throw inanimate objects (and Fitzsimmons…) around the room with her mind. She killed Werner by accident (which shows the serious lack of control she had- and how dangerous she was in that moment), not to mention she was refusing to be reasoned with (and couldn’t be). She was completely out of control and it wasn’t going to get better (look at what happened to Creel after he merely touched the Gravitonium- he never improved).

In a way, Yo-Yo did her a favour by killing her. Even if another solution came along in time, Yo-Yo, as the others would regularly say, MADE THE HARD CALL. She did what was best in that moment. Not to mention, Yo-Yo also thought that by killing her, she saved the world. Although this proved false, at the time she thought she was doing the right thing to save all of literal humanity. As I said, in the end, she made the hard call.

Not to mention, Yo-Yo admitted that she’s not proud of what she did. It’s not like she enjoyed killing her. Yet, so many people make her out to be some monster. I hate it.

In conclusion, I’m on Yo-Yo’s side with that whole thing (and hate seeing people- and the team themselves- giving her absolute hell for it). However I truly flip-flop between all the characters during S5 and their many arguments. MAN, that season is always a tough watch for so, so many reasons. It’s good, but painful.

(P.S. I’m convinced most of the people who stan Ruby are just Dove Cameron fans. Which I have nothing against. You do you. 11 year old me was her biggest fan frfr. But other than that, I don’t see why people like her character so much tbh. But alas.)

[mermaidsirennikita]

I mean yeah it all comes back to her being a reylo, the way people still talk about them shocks me. Idk if i've ever seen shippers from such a mainstream popular ship get treated this way when honestly....reylo isn't even that problematic. I would argue something like darklina is more problematic and those shippers don't get 1/3 of the shit reylos get. Hell I could name you other more problematic ships where the shippers don't get nearly as much hate as reylos.

Well, to be very fair a lot of reylos said a lot of out of pocket, racist (and specifically antiblack) shit about John Boyega and Finn. I don't want to downplay the shit John Boyega went through making those movies.

And in turn, a lot of finnreys said some really fucked up, racist (specifically anti-Asian) shit about Kelly Marie Tran and Rose... and I do think that gets downplayed a LOT. Like, if we're going to talk about racist fandom antics in SW, and there are a lot of them, then let's talk about all of it. Obviously, all of this goes beyond shipping, but the interesting phenomenon that did happen with the reylo stuff is that because they didn't want Rey with Finn, many of them did support Finnrose (and by the way, lol--I'm not into Finnrey because in general I don't like Rey outside of TLJ and I frankly though Finn deserved better on every level, and I wouldn't consider myself a Reylo, but I AM into Finnrose, and to a lesser extent Finnpoe). For some, I do think that was a "get Finn out of Rey's path" thing, for sure--but also, setting Finn up with a cool pretty girl to get him away from Rey is... not the worst thing lol. And I would also say that many did seem to genuinely like that ship, and a lot of the reylo fic authors I saw back in the day used to write some good Finnrose shit.

(Also: Roselo? Let's get into it. I would kill for Rian to cast Adam and Kelly in a Benoit Blanc movie, the chances that Adam would do it are MIDDLING but still.)

I think the main reason why the reylo thing got much bigger, tbh, is that it's Star Wars. Darklina is in theory more problematic (though to me it's very much a draw because while I personally do not find Kylo Ren as like, threatening as the Darkling, he's still a prominent cog in a dictatorial fascist-aligned regime and he did kill a lot of innocent people, so, you know, fair) but S&B is NOTHING compared to SW. I think in general shippers are loathed by a lot of old school SW die-hards because Shipping = Kissing and Kissing is Gross, and Bad People Bad, except for Vader because Vader Cool. They make exceptions for Han and Leia because they still jerk it to Leia to this day and it's a part of the old lore, and a lot of them just want to be Han Solo in a way I don't think a lot of them wanted to be Kylo Ren.

And then you combine that with the morality police who really just like. Didn't like reylo for whatever reason, but decided to take on the idea that it's HORRRRRIIIIIBLEEEE to ship a bad guy with someone (when like--I personally cannot STAND Anidala, but you would have no SW if a bad guy hadn't fucked someone back in the day... tepidly, I imagine, but it happened). The idea of using moral righteousness to justify your ship has always been a thing, right? (If we're keeping it real here: while I do think that a lot of reylo antis were genuinely concerned about racism with that ship, I also think that many of the white antis.... were only concerned with racism when it suited them. I mean, where were they when Kelly was getting death threats? Care about it for everyone, you know?) But I think it became a much bigger thing when it was reylo.

Then in turn, the reylos reacted by becoming more cultlike, because that's what happens when you vilify people for wanting to ship something. And they became wackier, and the lore became more kNOWN. Like, again--I don't personally ship reylo. I find the dynamic compelling in TLJ; I think Adam and Daisy have great chemistry in that movie; I think that he and Rian pulled her best work in the trilogy out of her; and I think that that movie is the only one where Rey feels like an actual human being, versus a girlboss cypher. She's human, she idolizes Luke and then realizes he's only human, she experiences disappointment, she experiences DOUBT about morality, she is, I believe, genuinely pretty horny for Kylo Ren in that movie (imo, Rey probably has like, zero sexual experience lol, but I also doubt that he has much either), and the idea of her wanting to be SOMETHING only to find out she's NOT THAT is really interesting. I find the idea of her being tempted to become his Dark Empress or whatever, and the idea of him being both an incredibly weird, dark, amoral person who's all about assuaging his own Feelings because mommy and daddy didn't love him the way he wanted them to... and someone who else wants this girl to bounce on it as his Dark Empress.... really interests me.

I didn't want to see them have babies. I didn't want to see them be happily ever after. I wanted to see her kill him while kissing him or something. Which I don't think was what a lot of reylos wanted, right? So it kind of made that ship inaccessible to me, and I imagine a lot of people who might've otherwise been into it. And I think things like "grey force babies" or whatever naturally made it seem more ridic, which of course happens with any ship (BOATBABY.......) but the size of the fandom and the ship made it seem bigger.

But because that ship was so archetypal (big bad man, girl onto which you could project whatever you wanted because she has like zero personality in 2/3 movies) it was easier for allll of these fic writers to do whatever they wanted with the dynamic, to pass the fic around, to do weird shit with it. And I think that tends to happen with bad/good ships. The fic writers have something very iconic to cling to, and they can do more with it, and therefore the fic is better, and that makes the ship bigger. The ship evolves into the fanon version, and then everyone who hates it hates it more because that ship is getting what they want. It reminds me of Darklina, Dramione (and for the record Dramione is something like... Go with God, but I do nOT. GET. THE DRAMIONE RENAISSANCE LOL.), Haladriel. Because reylo was again, so big though, there were more writers and more types of fic and it just got More More More.

So yeah, I think it's all kind of a snake eating its own tail thing. And now everyone who hated reylo anyway hates it even more because of all these reylo authors getting book deals, and often having solid success (or better). You can make a lot of critiques about why that's happening with a white ship versus a ship featuring poc, but that's beyond reylo and gets into fandom racism and racism in publishing AT LARGE. It's a bigger thing than just "the reylos did this".

But yeah, I personally don't really find Reylo all that shocking or perverse a ship. I've shipped worse lol. I just think there are a lot of really complicated things that have less to do with the SHIP than the shipping culture. Some of those things are super valid. However, I also think that this narrative occurred wherein it was like "the only toxic ones are the reylos" and... Yeah dude, there were plenty of toxic reylos. However... The Kelly Marie Tran of it all is where I really start getting bugged, because what happened to her and her character was one of the grossest things that happened in that franchise, and LET US BE REAL, the driving force behind that was not the reylos. (Nor do I want to imply that it was all finnreys--a lot of the SW fandom in general is super fucked re: basically any people of color in prominent roles.)

[microwavefruit]

this dude is omnilingual on command :0

[wooahaes]

I love these prompts! I feel like lee know would fit super well with #15 (like tbh he’s probably had that exact conversation before lol). thank you!!!

savior

pairing: non-idol!lee know x gn!reader

word count: 0.8k~

warnings: asshole customer being an asshole n yelling at reader. minho being kinda tsun over this tbh. intentional lowercase + no proofreading.

daisy’s notes: i want... cat pics from this man. please show me soonie doongie and/or dori... i love them :( also something something ur my savior, treasure, but cruel (bc i have to get in my references...)

customers fucking sucked no matter where you worked, and having a coworker that despised your existence only made things worse.

see, you liked minho well enough. you remembered his cats names from the time you had caught him in the back room, calling his roommate because one of them had been sick (but getting better at the time--he just had to make sure they took their medicine when he was home) and it was his roommate’s job to make sure that dori took his damn medicine. you remembered he was studying to be a vet when he wasn’t trapped in sandwich-making hell because he liked caring for animals. hell, you had even texted him one day to let him know he had left one of his textbooks in the back from when he was cramming during his short break--and he’d merely given you a stiff “thank you” before leaving just as quickly as he came. 

you weren’t sure why minho hated you. you were just pretty positive he did, despite what the rest of your coworkers said. hyunjin said at least you could work with him without getting threatened with napkins (to which you had said that he was the one who invited that kind of threat with his antics). chan said that he liked you well enough whenever you tried to switch shifts with him (or anyone else, privately, never in the group chat that changbin had made because it was “easier” to swap with people if all of you were together). jisung had, too--but you were pretty positive jisung said minho liked everyone despite being kind of favored by him.

you were being yelled at by a customer for messing up his order--adding something he had asked for you to take off. he had gone off on a rant about tomatoes and how it could have killed someone if you were always this careless with orders, that people had allergies that you needed to be aware of (even though you always were--the storefront was busy that day and you slipped up once) and that you deserved to get fired for your careless behavior.

“do you have an allergy to tomatoes?” minho had come up beside you, and you noticed that he stepped slightly in front of you--almost shielding you from the angry customer.

“no, but--”

“then you shouldn’t fight battles that you don’t face,” minho said outright. “you shouldn’t berate an employee for a single mistake and demand they be fired.” he stepped a little more in front of you, already talking about how he’d remake the sandwich properly for free--the policy as it was. he was calm and cool, shutting down the customer and saying that your manager would be back shortly if he wanted to take the matter up with her.

he turned back, nodding for you to go take a minute in the back. it must have been obvious you were about to cry. you shut yourself into the backroom with a quiet thanks to him for stepping in, and hugged yourself tight. you’d never made a mistake like this--and the words about how it could have killed someone if you were careless rang in the back of your mind.

the door opened a few minutes later, and minho walked in with a bottle of water. “are you okay?”

you shook your head, accepting the water bottle.

“you won’t get fired,” he said, taking a step back to give you space. “you haven’t done anything wrong. that guy was an asshole. if he had an allergy or was ordering for someone with one, he could argue about it. he was just looking for reasons to berate you.” he clicked his tongue, leaning against the other wall, “you’ve always been careful with customers with allergies before. that’s why we have a sign.”

there was a sign on the glass barrier where people placed orders saying to tell sandwich artists about allergies, so that you could change gloves entirely and completely ensure no cross-contamination could happen. there were things in place so that you could do your job in a way that doesn’t kill a customer--hell, you knew that you (and your coworkers) had definitely thrown out sandwiches half-way through because someone failed to mention an allergy beforehand. hell, you often asked--and you knew for a fact you asked that guy because he had rolled his eyes and said he didn’t, like it was an inconvenience.

“you don’t have to defend me,” you said after a moment. “i know you hate me.”

minho scoffed. “i adore you, actually. don’t act like you know how i feel about anyone.” he crossed his arms. “you’re my favorite coworker because you care about everyone.”

you grew flustered. “huh?”

he was blushing, you swore he was. “you owe me for helping you,” he said quietly. “so...”

“so?”

“you should go out with me later, if you want.” he wouldn’t meet your eyes. “if you don’t want to, you don’t have to--”

you smiled a little. you were interested in seeing how minho acted outside of work--everyone said he was a lot softer when he wasn’t prepared to deal with assholes. “i’d like that,” you toyed with the cap of your water bottle. “we could get ice cream...?”

“then it’s a date.”

[lo-fi-charming]

right, so. i've been having a lot of feelings about daisy lately (big surprise), but specifically, i've been thinking that it's really interesting how she interacts with jon in season 4 given... everything that's happened, and what can possibly be inferred about her character.

like, okay, im trying to break my thoughts down to be more succinct. it's my impression that daisy's biggest fear is being a helpless victim (prey), and right after that, being betrayed by someone she previously trusted (The Pack, part n parcel to being part of the hunt). there's also a theme of guilt prevalent in all this, which is important in how it influences her feelings (fear and aggression) towards jon.

daisy's response to feeling cornered/unsafe/victimized - before the buried - is to fight. she evolves into a hunter to take out perceived threats. and she takes to it, she's good at it, she likes doing it. but as she tells jon in the buried, isolated from the influence of the hunt, it's then and there that she feels the most like herself in years. and so what might that imply about daisy's character? who is daisy when she feels like 'herself'?

imo, it means that daisy is someone who feels stuck: crushed by fear and guilt, and afraid of herself - of what she's capable of doing, but also, what might happen to her if she doesn't fight back

all of this to say, i think the fact that jon is the one who she develops a bond with in season 4 is especially interesting considering their history. and usually this is from the angle of daisy's treatment of jon - intimidating him, physically harming him, kidnapping/threatening to kill him. but lately ive been thinking about what it must have been like for her, too, because you really wouldn't think daisy would feel comfortable being around jon even after he saves her from the buried.

because jon sort of represents... a lot of what she fears! the entire reason daisy becomes so fixated on jon in season 3 is because she sees him as a monster, something that needs to be taken care of. he compelled her (on accident) the first time they met, pulling out a statement of a moment that truly frightened her. he extracted a memory that made daisy feel scared and helpless. and then jon saves daisy, yes, but this also him seeing her at her most scared and most vulnerable - so helpless she literally begs him to save her if he can.

not only that, but daisy feels guilt for what she's done to jon, too - and not just him, but many of the people she's hurt. she repeatedly emphasizes the fact that she has done harm and took advantage of her position specifically to cause harm and get away with it. she even admits to jon in the buried that she planned on killing him after the unknowing.

so like... here is jon. someone who knows daisy, which is scary to her. because to know daisy is to know the things she's done, the bad, horrible things - but also to know that she is scared, and to see her vulnerability. this is daisy's greatest fear: to be vulnerable and helpless, to be at the mercy of a monster. you'd think jon would be the last person she'd want to be around. that she'd be afraid of him, or embarrassed, or simply too guilty.

but s4 is about daisy choosing to be vulnerable and helpless if the alternative is falling back into old, bad habits. so i guess it just, like... reflects that, maybe.. how she confronts the reality of her situation through interacting with jon? even if it's not initially her idea (more necessity, since she can't handle being alone and basira/melanie can't always be around to keep an eye on her)

it's sort of like a reflection of jon, and what daisy does for him in s4, standing as a warning of what jon could become if he embraces his powers. and then both of them commiserating about what happens when you actively choose not to feed the powers keeping you alive...

[linkspooky]

"The Only Ones the Heroes Protect Are Themselves."

is a quote given to us by Dabi. That's starting to sound more and more true after this press conference chapter. This post will be mainly talking about Hawks, because I think this chapter sheds a lot of light on Hawks' flaws as a character.

I think for understanding Hawks it's important to know this:

And this:

Are both Hawks. Hawks is both the person willing to manipulate, scheme and ruthlessly hunt down others for the sake of the greater good, and he's also the person who just wants to help because his whole life he's felt useless and unworthy. Hawks is both the overly idealistic child who believes in heroes and just wants tp help the heroes, and at the same time, the cynical adult who thinks heroes can't always save people.

Some part of Hawks is aware that this darker side of him exists. He tells the hero commission that he's willing to dirty his hands for the sake of general peace. He specifically warns the villains not to underestimate his resolve. He tells Twice that he's not the type to get tripped up by sentiment in the crucial stages of his plan.

However, at the same time Hawks doesn't cop up to this side of his personality. If you confront Hawks about his actions in any way he switches back to his hero-mode. I don't believe this is because Hawks believes himself to be a good person. I don't even think Hawks defines himself as a person to begin with, just a tool. It makes sense that Hawks doesn't have a consistent identity it all goes back to his origins.

All Hawks could do was internalize everything he felt, and every abuse hurtled at him by his parents. All he wanted to believe back then was that he wouldn't turn out the same way they did. He wanted to believe in some good part of him.

However, I wonder if Hawk truly believes he's good. If he truly believes he's a good hero. He seems to have internalized so much of his abuse when he was younger that he has little self worth and all of it, is built around what kind of things he does for other people. He has to believe he's helping other people, because otherwise he crumbles. Otherwise the part of his head that tells him he was just trash the hero council picked up on the side of the road, is right.

I'm touching upon all of this to say Hawks does not really have a sense of self-identity. It's very weak, and he bases it on things are around him instead, things he can cling to provide him some sense of self worth, his role as a hero, his pseudo-imagined relationship with Endeavor, the idea that the things he's doing is ultimately for the public good. Because he's clinging to these things it makes it almost impossible to be self-critical. Because if Hawks isn't a hero, then he's nothing. Hawks also, similarly, can't deal with any criticism to the institution of hero because that's the institution that saved him, that's where he belongs, that's where all of his personal relationships are.

Hawks previously thought everything he did was for the public good, because heroes protected the people, hero and the public were both aligned.

However, when the public they're protecting begins to question the heroes, when they're not alligned Hawks picks the heroes.

Now I'll touch on Enji briefly to give an example of why this is wrong. Enji's excuse for why he didn't do anything with Toya, why he didn't even try to be a father, was because he was a hero first before he was a person.

Both Enji and Hawks (they're meant to be read as character foils) divide their personalities this way. They are who they are as heroes, before their faults and individual failings as people. However, in reality, they're just running away from their actions. Enji is depicted entirely in shadow in these few panels, the same way Hawks is depicted in shadow when confronting Twice.

Ultimately it doesn't matter if whatever Hawks did to Twice was justified or not, the problem is he wasn't a hero to Twice. He decided in that moment Twice was not worth saving. He divided that line between who gets to get saved, and who doesn't.

What I mean when I say that Hawks is unable to cop up to the darker sides of his personality, is that he's unable to acknowledge when he's done a bad thing. Which is also, something he shares in common with Enji. Enji's failures are never personal ones, he's never the one at fault. Toya's death was what drove him to train Shoto so hard (nevermind the fact he was already doing that beforehand.) Toya attacking Shoto was the reason that Enji had to isolate Shoto (nevermind, that Toya himself a thirteen-year-old kid was able to recognize that he was wrong to blame his brother, but it's still unfair for his father to put all his attention on Shoto and leave the rest of his kids alone). Uraraka is the narrator for this chapter, but Uraraka also said this.

IThe real question is, are heroes to be held individually responsible for their actions? Can we criticize heroes as people? Hawks, Enji, and Jeanist all seem to believe that identity and world of heroes is far too important to level criticisms at any individual. That the world of heroes somehow, elevates them from others in a way that makes them impossible to understand, because they have more responsibility.

I'm not going to say Hawks doesn't feel sorry for Twice. He expressed like, the greatest possible expression of public apology he can. The problem however is everything else about Hawks. Twice apologizes for the act of killing twice and expresses it as a moral failing on his part, while stating he had no choice before that point. 

Hawks is unaware of his own personal biases, and his own flaws, and therefore properly can’t account to them. He thinks his failing was that he couldn’t convince Jin to join his side. Not that his wrongdoing was his act of choosing only Jin to save because he was one of the “good” victims, and only offering Jin the chance to atone conditional on him betraying his friends. He’s still picking and choosing between good and bad in who he helps. And Hawks’ standards for that are pretty biased. Notice how his help for Enji doesn’t involve mandatory jailtime and atonement for his crimes like it did with Twice. Enji still gets to remain a hero. 

Hawks has a bias and it goes on unacknowledged, by framing his actions as heroic and for the greater good. 

His priority isn't to make the same mistake again with Twice or even to feel bad about Twice, it's to stop public criticism. It even comes down to the way he frames his own actions, Hawk doesn't acknowledge the part of him that manipulated Twice, held him at gunpoint, forced him to choose between his friends and his own safety, cruelly taunted him. All of things which were by the way, an abuse of his power, and things Hawks did because he personally likes to feel in control of situations not because it was necessary for the greater good to break Twice mentally like that.

Hawks didn't do all those things in the Hawks vs. Twice situation, because he was forced to in a bad situation. Hawks planned the whole situation out to give himself control over the situation, and try to manipulate Twice into siding with him because he liked Twice. It's like, written in a very specific way to show how manipulative Hawks is for setting things up this way, the whole thing was a set up. However, hawks can't cop up to that. He frames it like an oopsie daisy. He frames it like something he did in the heat of the moment because he felt like he had no other choice, and not something that was pre-meditated and all set up by him beforehand. It's because, while Hawks acts like this, he never owns up to his actions, he only ever frames himself as the guy willing to sacrifice anything in order to help people. The guy determined to be helpful and useful to others. Therefore he can't find fault within himself and he can't find fault within heroes.

Even with Enji, his first response isn't, "Wow, if heroes are using their position to cover up their crimes we should investigate how other heroes might be abusing their families." It's to find a way to make Enji look good for the public, so the public gets off his back.

Uraraka says that if Toga wants to threaten people she has to live with the consequences, but the heroes aren't living with conesquences for their actions. It's not just that Hawks murdered someone. I mean after all, I argue that Toga who kills lots of people., Shigaraki who destroys whole cities, Dabi who admits to murdering 30 people, are all people who I think are going to get positive character development.

However, they all also accept that they're going to be seen as murderers. Dabi calls himself a murderer live on television. Toga accepts it, when Uraraka says that she has no choice but to put her down if she's going to hurt others. Shigaraki even holds himself responsible for the murder of his family which was a complete accident, he had to have his reluctance to hurt other people beaten out of him.

It's not that Hawks murdered a person, but rather he can kill a person and not see himself as a murderer. Just speaking in terms of character development, to have a character arc, a character must first acknowledge they are wrong, and then work to improve on that wrong. Hawks hasn't reached the first part.

Hawks and Enji are unable to admit to their personal failings, because not only do they appear to the public only as heroes, but they also think "Heroes" are like a special protected class of people. They can make up for all of their flaws by being good heroes. However, it's not the public that they're defending. Just like it's not his family that Enji is really doing all these things for. Time and time again, they choose to be heroes over everythig else, because the world of heroes is the only place they exist in. Being seen as a good hero is what validates both of them. For Hawks it comes from his own perosnal trauma and loneliness, from Enji his priority of being a good hero above everything else. So if you ewre to strip all of that away, if you were to admit, that Hawks deciding to kill Twice, that Enji abusing his family, doesn't make them very good heroes? Means they aren't entitled to being heroes anymore? What would be left of them for both of them? They'd just be left with what they've done and who they are and neither of them are or were ever very happy with themselves. Which is why, rather than trying to be better people. Trying to address the cricticisms that other people have lobbied to them, including Endeavor's own son who was personally hurt by him. It keeps coming back to being better heroes.

They're not heroes though, they're just people. Everyone is just people in the end.

[redhatmeg]

So I’ve rewatched Lucky Luke Go West! already (with my nephew!). Some of my impressions on the movie:

1. When I’ve seen it for the first time, I was impressed by the Polish dub, mainly - by Cezary Pazura as Luke and Borys Szyc as Joe Dalton. The surprise came from the fact that even back in 2007 these two actors were overused in Polish comedies (and most of them weren’t even funny), and yet when I’ve heard Pazura as Lucky Luke he sounded almost perfect; I would even say that Pazura played Luke with right amount of dignity. Szyc, on the other hand, perfectly expressed Joe’s anger (especially because in that movie there’s a lot of scenes where Joe yells and screams), while also showing how cunnying and threatening the eldest Dalton can be (not to mention that he had, what I call, “the bandit hoarseness” that most actors playing Joe have).

I still maintain that Pazura and Szyc did a splendid job, but before I rewatched Go West!, I’ve rewatched this behind the scenes short, where Pazura and Szyc talk about the work on the movie and about the characters they play. And I think that they did so well, because Pazura has respect for Lucky Luke as a inambigouously good character; and Szyc sees Joe Dalton as this pretty smart guy, always having a plan for the next big job, but rest of the gang isn’t as smart as him, and that’s often the reason he fails (Szyc even compares Daltons to Olsen Gang). While I don’t agree with this interpreation of Daltons, I see what Szyc wanted to accomplish with it.

However, as much as I was impressed by voice casting of Luke and Joe, I hated that Jack and William’s Polish dub sounded like they were two old men with smoking problem. After hearing them once again years later I think one can get used to those voices over time... but still, as always, middle Dalton boys get almost no respect.

2. With all due respect for Daisy Town and Ballad of Daltons, this movie has probably the best animation of all Lucky Luke movies. It certainly is very dynamic, smooth and visually creative. The movement, the background, the colors, even the characters’ expressions are quite visually stunning - it’s certainly a pretty movie. And it’s kind of understinable, giving the progress of animation technology.

I especially like the scene when Daltons see Gun and Rifle Store, which has couple of floors and “the camera” moves down, showing display in each shoping window that includes weapons such as tanks, machine guns, even submarines and bombs. It’s ridiculous and probably anachronistic, but it helps us get into Joe’s mindset.

Generally this animated New York looks awesome, especially the streets, the vehicles and this whole chase scene between Daltons in a streetcar and the police.

3. I know that the original The Wagon Train didn’t include Daltons, and maybe a few years ago I wouldn’t like them here too, but now there is one aspect of their presence that I like. Namely - that we are shown that Joe can be quite a brilliant manipulator. He even manipulates Luke at the beginning to make him follow the wagon train; and almost gets Luke killed by the passangers. Because you see, Daltons aren’t as stupid as we are used to think of them. They can be cunnying, in their own ways.

Lucky Luke media is full of Joe playing on emotions and pulling convincing act of a changed man. Luke himself probably will never fall for it, but there are people who did and it played into Daltons’ adventage. And that’s how it is here too.

4. Knowing that this movie is based on the comic The Wagon Train, I decided to reread it before the rewatch. As much as I like the plot of Go West! and there are elements that were successfully adapted, I wish it was closer to the source material. Especially because the version of comic that I have comes from the German translation and includes a short noted about historical truth of the wagon train - like, for example, that there was a young kid, who later became a silent movie star.

5. All in all, as the continuation of The New Adventures of Lucky Luke, it was pretty cool. This show deserved a proper send-off. It turned out it wasn’t the last Lucky Luke cartoon... but I do wish that we’ve got another Lucky Luke animated movie.

[yanderenightmare]

How would our yandere boys of BNHA react to their girlfriends telling them that they're pregnant?👀

yandere ! fluffy BNHA headcannons

TIP-JAR

goodiebag WARNING: heavy yandere-vibes, abduction, guilt, anxiety, profanity, drug mentions, Stockholm syndrome, pregnancy, implied DUBCON/NONCON

KATSUKI BAKUGO - KACHAN

Time to prepare for fucking Ragnarok. He’s writing lists, buying everything on the lists twice over, reading books on parenting and raising children and quirk development and everything and anything to satiate his gaining anxiety. He’s pushing his darling to do several different cardio exercises, either walking about inside the house with him or even letting her go outside for fresh air and sun, always assisted by him of course, putting aside his normal fear of her escaping as his newfound paranoia of the baby not being healthy threatens the foundations of his fragile composure. He hires a personal trainer to teach them what they’re supposed to be learning in baby class, if they could go outside. He’ll even be contemplating letting the media know as so to avoid hiccups later down the road. Testing his darling from time to time to see if she truly has come to terms with their arrangement, finding that he’ll probably never be satisfied, never feel comfortable enough to allow her back into the real world.

Other than that, he’ll be at his darling’s beck and call, so much so she doesn’t even have to ask for anything before he’s there with the exact thing she needs, even at times she doesn’t even know what she needs. And he’ll definitely be fidgeting when he’s not able to make her comfortable. Foot-rubs and messages are never ending, he’s cooking all the food from scratch with purely organic vegies and fruits and wheats and grains and strictly no candy or anything considered slightly unsafe for either her or the baby to consume, that also means no TV or screens of any kind. She’s never been allowed cigarettes or anything of the sorts, so that window has already been checked, but all alcohol is also stripped from the house now as well and of course those sleeping pills he would sometimes take advantage of when he had no other choice.

Katsuki is slightly freaking out on the inside, wanting to pull his hair out, pick at his scabs, bite his nails…. but, he’s keeping himself in check to support his darling. He’s adamant on the fact that nothing will go wrong with this pregnancy and he’ll soon have a little, squishy, bubbly, bundle of firecrackers running around the house. He can sense happiness just around the corner, but it’s a sharp turn, he’s afraid they might just skew off into some unknown territory where he has no chance of getting back on the road again.

DABI - TODOROKI TOUYA

Dabi is in full on freak-out, suddenly looking at his hands as though they are knives. How can he ever raise a child? Will the child be like him? Oh, how he hopes, prays, screams at whomever out there’s listening, that the child’s more like his darling than like him. That the child is feather-soft and pretty-eyed and has a heart of daisies and not made up of scars and callouses and bitterness like him. But… it’s really up to him what their child becomes. That’s his responsibility. His job to not allow the flames of childlike wonder to snuff out, his job to keep them alive.

What if they get hurt? What if his mishaps get them hurt? What if he hurts them? Besides… they cannot possibly live here, in this dump of a villain base. That’s no place to raise a child. A child needs friends, other children to play with. A child needs a garden, where they and their friends can play. A child needs to feel safe. A child needs to be able to look out a window at night and see the moon and stars and to see the sun wake up in the morning. A child needs to go to school. A child needs to run and bike and scrape their knees on the sidewalk only to come home and have their wounds cleaned and band-aided, only to go out and do it all over again. This is what a child needs to not end up like him.

He buys a house. A nice house, with a white picked-fence and a lawn and a cherry-tree where he hangs up a swing. His darling loves it, she spends most of her time out in the garden, in the sunlight, smiling, glowing. It feels nice. It feels harmonic. They have a kitchen now, but Dabi doesn’t know how to make any type of food sept for cup-noodles, but his darling is eager to teach him. She’s so sweet. She’s always been sweet and soft and too bright for the dusty room-complex he’d kept her locked up in for so long. But in this lighting, in this setting, in this life he’s finally decided upon, she looks like she belongs. He can’t say the same for himself. When he pictures the future, he sees his darling and their child out on that swing he put up, but he doesn’t see himself. He doesn’t deserve this, not when he’s so sure he’s going to have it all destroyed. His darling is a good but bittersweet reassurance, how she hugs him close, kisses him so softly he nearly forgets how many people the same hands wrapping around her small breakable body has killed.

SHIGARAKI TOMURA

Confusion. It’s strange but the whole affair leaves him feeling younger. Too young. The things he doesn’t know, the unprepared oblivious state leaving him at an utter loss. He’s just not ready for this, he’s unsure if he’ll ever be ready for this. He’s never pictured himself in the scenario. Never once humoring the idea, but now that it’s being shoved at him whether he wants it or not, he has to simply accept it. He barely knows up from down as time passes. Leaving him stating the obvious to thoroughly grasp the situation without letting it slip. His darling is pregnant. He’s going to be a father. A father. Dad. The word barely making sense to him as he rolls it around on his tongue.

He’s having a kid… half the time he still feels like a kid himself. Throwing fits, playing games, eating trash. But… maybe that can be a good thing. Maybe his fits will subside in the fresh light of an infant’s earth-shattering cries and wails and screams, his infant, his child. Maybe it’ll be good for him to finally learn a few things, maybe he’ll grow up just a little bit. But only a little, playing games is something he can do with a kid. Besides, kids eat trash too. He doesn’t have to give up everything, or… at least not forever. How long does it take before kids become mobile enough to hold a controller?

It’s going to be somewhat of an adventure. It’ll be somewhat pioneering in a sense. Not in the way of planning a new attack or kidnapping or planning someone’s death, but planning someone’s life instead. He’s created life as opposed to what he always does with those hands of his. He’s created life, he’ll have to take care of a life, care for a life, send that life into the world so that it’s not just alive but living. It’s humbling in the same way it’s glorified. So much responsibility. Life suddenly feels longer, eventful, important, dutiful and not just his playground, not just his blood-field, not just something to watch burn, but something to better.

SHINSO HITOSHI

Oh no. A baby? He’s not prepared for this. He’s so used to things being avoidable, or delayable at the least, this isn’t avoidable, this is happening whether he wants it or not, sooner than he can control. That stresses him out more than anything, the state of not having any control over the situation, leaving him frustrated, sporadic, afraid. He suddenly knows nothing about anything, his mouth is constantly dry, and he finds himself thinking of how strange and heavy the weight of his tongue feels to distract himself from the mess he’s created. And the only reason to it being a mess is because he has no idea how to protect everything from breaking into shambles. That’s more or less what breaks him the most, knowing how he’s most likely the one to ruin everything, that failure will probably be his fault.

He manages to calm down somewhat. His darling, in all her natural maternal feline instincts knows more or less what to do and how to do it, not really needing Hitoshi to provide her with anything on his own but what she tells him to do. And, despite needing to constantly hold the reigns, Hitoshi’s surprisingly glad or relieved more than anything, that his darling took the wheel so effortlessly. God knows he had no clue what to do. But, he has questions; bundles and mountains of inhuman questions. How many kids do Neko’s usually produce, when normal kitty litters sum up to nine kittens? Can he take care of nine kittens?! His darling doesn’t have nine nipples so he guesses that doesn’t make much biological sense. What else: how will a mini version of him look like? What more: what will a mini version of him with a cat’s features look like? Lastly: how does he feel about that?

He’ll help in the ways he still knows how. Cleaning makes up for most of it, since food has never been his specialty and now that food is significantly more important, he lets his darling control that too. Messaging and petting and cuddles making up for the rest of his helpfulness, which often gets frustrating for the both of them, given that they’re used to a certain spontaneous erotic lifestyle that now is out of reach.

TAKAMI KEIGO - HAWKS

Satisfaction. Finally, his little songbird needs him. Soon she’ll barely be able to walk on her own, she’ll need him for everything, be completely dependent on him, no longer in position to afford scowling at him or barking or biting or scratching or screaming. Knowing how something very soon will take her place in those extremities, and how they both will be exhausted and on the same side for once. He’s got it all figured out, he’s going to take a couple years off, to stay on with birdie number one and birdie number two. The days will be short but buzzing, between breakfast and collapsing into bed with his darling once the hours run to a close, waking up to screams that seem so welcoming and not at all like the onset of death as other parents make it out to be.

He can see it all so clearly. Soft-tinted days of baby-food and building-blocks and flying lessons, their baby with either his inherited crimson wings or his darling’s coat of pearl-white angel-feathers, perhaps a mix of both, how their little angel will fly from his arms to his darling’s arms, falling at times, but learning and prospering, becoming the embodiment of greatness. He can’t help but wonder how beautiful their child will become, being the product of himself and his darling, they’ll probably look godsend or like an actual god on earth. Wondering if they’ll have golden hair and golden eyes like him or satin hair and doe-eyes like his darling, how a mix of the two of them could be called perfection itself.

But, first things first. He doesn’t have time to humor his daydreams too much, never mind how tempting when they’re so close he can almost taste them. His darling needs him more than whatever imagines he conjures up. His instincts kick in, yet his humanity has last say in most of the decisions he has to make. The nest not being made up of sticks and mud like he was gravitating towards, but of pillows and blankets and plushies. Food not being made up of worms and insects but human cooking instead. Other than that he’ll stay in bed with his darling, stroking her feathers and feel her relax and stretch each time he hits a particular soft spot, listening to that special type of moan he’ll argue is the softest sound in the world.

MIDORIYA IZUKU - DEKU

It’s cute of her to think its big news. It’s cute to watch her walk around pondering, wondering what’s wrong with her. Why her breasts are larger, sensitive, tender. Mistaking her morning sickness, rushing to the bathroom gulping, for being under the weather. Silly little thing, even more so with her pregnancy brain, walking around all cute and clueless. He enjoys the show, strokes her hair in a petting fashion, smirk irked in the corner of his lips and though it was small it spoke volumes, but what surprised her even more wasn’t the condescension she was met with but how relieved she felt upon understanding he had everything under control, something she used to hate, now feeling like a blessing, knowing how she was in… not exactly good hands… but something like it, something more capable than hers.

He is so prepared it borders on ridicules. It’s strange, for as long as she’s known him he’s always been so sure of himself, but now, glimpses from his youth shine through his composure of self-confidence. He’s nervous. The old rebellious her would poke fun at him, but she evolved, she’s survived, and she knows better. Besides, if he falls apart, what’s then left for her to do but follow suite? The new her comforts him with what she knows is true, having learnt that he doesn’t appreciate lies either. She tells him that he’s far away from his own father, because she knows that he will never leave her, soon to be them, as she stroked his unruly hair, kissed his forehead, squeezed his hand, smiled, told him that she loved him. And again, he knew before her that she meant it, she’d understand some time later that her dependence and his guidance created perfect symbiosis, equaled love, just like he had predicted.

The baby is the last of the puzzle-pieces, everything finally falling into place. She’s able to see him as more than something to fear like god, but as something human, as he rocks their baby in those massive scarred arms of his, his smile not nearly as unsettling as she once found it, but warm. And Izuku will finally see his darling as more than something to protect and to keep, something more than to love, as she bounces their child on her knee, that glow she used to have returning, he’ll not just see something to take, but something he already owns, as though some fog has lifted, he’ll feel proud, he’ll feel respect, he’ll feel happy, and he can say that it was all worth it and she can say that she forgives him.

CHISAKI KAI - OVERHAUL

Kai seems unfazed. It’s a lot to wrap one’s head around. He treats it awfully alike one would handle a business deal. Weighing the pros and cons and benefits and payments. Bringing a life into the world, a life that’s partly your own and partly the one you love. Does it mean he will love their spawn just as much as he loves his darling, that seems hard to believe. Does it mean he has to, that he’s expected to? Will his darling love the baby more than him? He heard that the love found between mothers and their children is insurmountable. Will he have to separate them to get the attention he needs? Will that make her hate him again? Will she perhaps love him more, now that the product of their love has come to fruition?

There are so many variables, so much to consider, and so painfully little time to get it all sorted out. He’s exhausted and on the border of grossed out. Between morning sickness and unpredictable mood-swings. He heard pregnant ladies are supposed to glow, he doesn’t see it. Don’t get him wrong, he thinks his darling is beautiful, but… she’s huge. He thought she was clumsy before, but damage was at a minimum when she was practically half his size, now she’s like a walking wreaking-ball. He can’t imagine how she will ever be able to… deliver something that seems to be taking half of the space inside her. He’s actually feeling anxious about the whole ordeal, trying to suffice his growing fears in a search for pregnant-aiding quirks.

And don’t get him started on the pregnancy brain. It’s not just her limbs that are everywhere at once, her brain is scattered like the aftermath of a shotgun, she barely pays him any mind anymore. All those hours spent teaching her proper manners, seems wasted and forgotten now, seeing how she eats like some animal then falls asleep, snoring with no thanks to spare him. He feels neglected to say the least and he can’t help but dread the time the baby actually comes around, knowing how the event will grant him no more attention than what he’s given now, probably robbing him of even more time with his precious darling.

TODOROKI SHOTO

He’s not leaving his darling’s side for a second. She’s holding his baby, possible babies, carrying them inside her belly, keeping them safe, so of course he needs to keep her safe too. Safe and comfortable and loved. He holds off on the unorthodox play until after the birth and probably sometime past it as well, no punishments than can cause stress, no fun and games and edge-play, nothing but soft touches, nothing but pillows and blankets and rosehip baths and soppy romantic films, cuddling, messages, words that are too sweet it almost becomes lifedraining. He’ll be so doting, so feather-light, she’ll nearly beg for him to give her just one measly frostbite burn, just one scorch-mark, but he won’t answer her prayers. They will be doing nothing that can cause duress, nothing at all.

He's in such mission-mode. More so than when he’s actually on a mission. This happening, this great chapter in their lives, this beginning of new life, seems so severely more important than anything else the world has to offer, nothing can distract him, no grade A villains, no threats to the world, no matter how much a friend or family member might need him, this pregnancy is paramount. He’s not going to put anything before his darling or their little bundle of joy happily coming to life inside her, blooming with potential. He’s not going to mess everything up like his father did, he’s adamant on not letting that happen. He’s going to be good. Everything’s going to be good. Happy. Perfect.

The only other thing he does, next to doting on his darling, is thinking and humoring what type of father he’s going to be, what type of father he should be, what type of father he has to be. Should he be strict, pushing his child to achieve greatness, milking their potential until they drain? Should he be liberal, letting his child run their own show, chase their own dreams no matter how wrong a path it seems? What did he want as a child?... Love. He wanted love. He wanted to be listened to, to be heard, to be helped. He wanted a friend, not just a teacher. He wanted to feel safe. He knows what type of father he wants to be, but… he knows it won’t be easy, it’s not meant to be easy, but he’s not one to back away from a challenge.

TIP-JAR

[akajustmerry]

Wait what’s wrong with the suicide squad 2021?

i'm so glad you asked!

putting harley in a frilly dress, where she sees flowers and daisies while killing people, and having her say benign high one-liners isn't true to her character at all! it's actually just infantilising her while at the same time objectifying her. the way her torture scene was sensually framed made me fucking ill. harley is a person who feels pain, not a manic pixie sexy murder doll. she and i quote, has a phd motherfucker

also sorry but if you think her speech to the duke guy or whatever is groundbreaking just say u didn't see birds of prey.

viola davis was beyond disrespected in the 2021 movie, in fact she was degraded. amanda waller is a fucking authority figure and to have her so violently put down in the 2021 movie was dehumanising and had the added effect of lowering the stakes IMMENSLY for the overall plot. at least in the 2016 movie, the explosive collars were an actual threat.

i cannot express how fucking racist and tone-deaf the 2021 movie is i actually do not even know where to start. how about treating brown ppl as interchangeable and casting a Maori man to play a Portuguese woman's father? how about making up a country and casting non-descript brown resistance fighters from that country just so the protagonists can kill them on mass for a gag with zero consequences? how about another ongoing gag being that no can pronounce the country they're in? for a movie purporting to criticise american military imperialism, it sure is bulging with ugly american imperialist attitudes.

and the tone-deafness? in 2021 you made a movie where a Black woman threatens a Black man by telling him his Black daugher will get raped in prison?? what the FUCK is wrong with people they think that's good writing?

the fucking toilet humour oh my fucking god. whatever you have to say about 2016 movie at least it didn't rely on fucking 69 jokes and dick jokes. at least 2016's humour actually was in the physicality, performances and chemistry between the characters

the plots of 2016/2021 are mostly the same except instead of having a skybeam of death, 2021 had a killer starfish which just looked fucking corny. it wasn't even consistently written?? they pulled them off their face once and those fuckers didn't even try to attack them??

at least the 2016 movie leaned into a sort of honour among misfits theme as a personality for the film. this new movie's whole personality is LOOK HOW HORRIBLE AND VIOLENT THESE PEOPLE ARE ISN'T THAT NIFTY. newsflash: being openly unlikeable isn't what makes characters likeable, a personal code does, which none of these characters had so i didn't give a fuck. again, in the first movie they actually took the time to establish the unique moral codes of each of the characters!!

people saying the 2021 movie was paced better are fucking kidding themselves. this movie is way too long and takes 40 minutes before the main plot even is announced. at least in the 2016 movie they streamlined that with waller's fun profile montage, which again this movie did copy but somehow people think this movie is ✨different ✨

i don't give a fuck about millenial jokes but its a red flag to me if a movie is making a joke at the expense of its major target audience in the first 20 minutes. huge red flag,

idk i could go on and on but there really isn't a single thing this movie improved on. the characters were less interesting, mostly the actors who played them were sleepwalking through their performances, soundtrack sucked, the costumes were awful, the cinematography had way too much exposure and everything about it felt gimmicky in the worst way, king shark wasn't even characterised as the intelligent Atlantis king he is. a fucking waste of time.

this movie had one ONE good moment and that was killing captain boomerang or as i call him captain cultural appropriation.

anyways all of this is a huge reason why I am always sceptical when something is praised en masse for being groundbreaking because it generally means it actually is just appealing to existing horrible tastes.

[morgansmoreid]

Do You Still Love Me • Derek Morgan • Chapter Nine

Chapter Name: " Reasonable"

Fic Masterlist

Italic writing stands for flashbacks.

Content/Trigger Warnings: Parental Abuse, Drugs Mention, Homophobia

Bold Writing stands for what happened at the station while Y/n was not present

---

One step.

Two steps.

Three steps.

Four.

Y/n's feet clacked against the concrete floor.

Rubbing the palm of her hand against the outline of the pills, Y/n moved along the cars as she slowly walked to the station, this time her mind as empty as an open field.

The station was in her view quicker than anticipated. She pulled open the front door, the bell above it causing everyone who was in ear's views to turn their heads. Scanning each face carefully, relief swayed through Y/n as no face was anyone she dreaded to talk to.

Her relief was cut short as Aaron walked down the hall to her left with the team, her father, and James.

"That was all we needed to know," She heard him say as Aaron shook her father's hand.

James was the first to see her, alerting the rest of the people surrounding him by clearing his throat. Y/n made eye contact with James, her breaking first as her eyes fell to her feet. Thoughts of turning around and sprinting on her heels again popped in Y/n's head, but she ignored them and just looked to the floor.

"Y/n Y/L/N-Fields, please come with us." Emily moved from the center of the group and to Y/n, reaching out her hand to lead Y/n the way of the interrogation room. Y/n took it, keeping her head down as they walked past the group, eyes burning through her back as the pills in her pocket scream her name.

Emily opens the door and lets Y/n take a seat before heading outside again. Everyone is looking at the young female through the one-sided window, their eyes still leaving the same burning gaping hole.

Aaron and David come in, both faces stoic and tense. In hand, Aaron has a yellow pad and a pee cup while David has a blood test. Y/n's eyes grow wide at the objects placed in front of her before she sits up straight and lays her hands on the table.

"You aren't drug testing me." She says, her tone assertive but calm.

"But we are," David replies, looking over to Aaron.

"You understand that this is a federal investigation now? If you comply, these samples will not go on record but will be used for further inference. If you don't, they will go on your job record and you will be on leave effective immediately." Aaron threatened, leaving Y/n no choice.

"I'm clean." She mumbled as she rolled her sleeve for the blood test. Even if she wasn't, it wouldn't show for another 2 days, so it would be negative anyway.

Aaron said nothing as he opened the blood kit and wiped Y/n's inner arm with a sanitary wipe. Y/n winced at the needle entering her arm, the pain lasting as blood filled four tubes. Placing a bandaid on her arm, Aaron disposed of the needle in a different bag before opening the door and handing it to a hand outside.

Y/n may have not seen the person who took the bag, but she saw Derek. He was leaning against the wall across from the door, arms crossed. They made eye contact, this time neither one breaking it, just before the door closed.

"Do you need water?" David's voice pulled Y/n out of her thoughts.

Yes. Her throat was dry and scratchy.

Yes. Water would go well with the pills in her pocket.

"No thank you," Y/n looks up to David. He gives her the look of pity and sorrow and she feels herself hanging on by a thread.

"Come with me then," David holds the look as he turns around, cup in hand, and opens the door for Y/n.

Walking out, Y/n and David turn to the right from the small room while the team and others are on the left. David stands outside of the unisex bathroom as Y/n pees in the given cup. Washing her hands, Y/n stares at herself in the mirror.

Her eyes are red and her arm is now in pain. She feels like she's in one of those bad teenage romcoms, where the main character fucks up her life and in the end, it gets better. She's just waiting for her cue.

The silence lasts in the bathroom as Y/n bags her cup and places it on the small window ledge. She could run right now if she wanted to, but it wouldn't be worth it. Y/n turns on the bathroom faucet again and pulls out the baggie of pills from her pocket. 7 white tablets look at her as she takes one into her hand and shoves the rest back into hiding.

Just before she could bring her hand to her mouth and consume the evil, little miraculous wonder, David knocked on the door causing her to drop the pill in fright. Right into a puddle of "water," the pill went as Y/n hissed at the closed brown door.

"Fuck!" Her words echoed in the small room.

"Y/n? Is everything ok in there?" David's voice is muffled on the other side.

Instead of answering him, Y/n grabs the cup and pushes open the door, slamming the cup into the elder's hand and walking back into the integration room. She passes everyone, this time not bothering to even acknowledge Derek's presence, or his attempt to talk to her.

She slacks down in her seat and waits for the next person to walk through the door. It's Aaron again, with Penelope's laptop and a tape recorder in hand as he carries a file in his armpit.

"Before we start, shall I address you as Fields or Y/L/N?" Aaron precautions.

"Y/L/N, and only Y/L/N," Y/n says, voice cold as ice.

"Ok then, for the record, can you please state your full name, your age, and the year?" The first question leaves Aaron's lips.

"My name is Y/n Y/L/N, I am 29, and it's the year 2008."

Hotch scribbles Y/n's words down and opens the laptop. When he turns it to her, it's already open to a cheer photo from Y/n's sophomore year of high school.

"Please state who you recognize in this photo." Aaron opens the file that was once under his arm.

Eyes read the screen multiple times as the memories resurface in Y/n's head and the names leave her mouth.

"Sabrina Chains, Joanna McCarter, Daisy Miller, Rose Henry, Arianna Anderson, Megan Smith, Daniela Choi, Christina Middleton, and Catarina Paredes."

It's not in order, Sabrina is actually next to Daisy and Joanna is standing next to Daniela, but when Y/n recognized the face, she said the name.

"And who is this?" Aaron hits the right arrow key to move to the next slide. Y/n is horrified by what she sees. It's not another group picture or even a single picture of one of the women, it's a crime scene photo.

It's Arianna's crime scene photo, the only crime Y/n wasn't surrounded by the group for. The hotel room is way messier than others, the behavior completely changed from the last 3. Blood is everywhere, money and jewelry are splattered across the floor and there are no numbers on top of the body or anywhere for that matter. If the other kills weren't personal, this was. Arianna was killed by someone in rage and mixed emotion.

Just how Y/n left the team.

She can only look at the gruesome crime scene for so long until she reaches for the hood of the laptop to shut it off. Aaron is quicker and pulls it out of her sight as he switches to another picture of the crime scene, this time the bathroom.

Two looks and Y/n is ready to throw up. She trained for this, she worked her ass off for the last 5 years on how to keep her composure, yet, she's failing to keep herself together. The bathroom is a mess, clothes are ripped and makeup is smeared on walls, this unsub lost control or this is a new killer. Either way, it's not Y/n and there is no way that the team can possibly deem her that low.

"Please turn it off." Her voice is tense and demanding.

Aaron does shut the laptop and turns it to him. He takes a minute to write down his observations and proceeds with the integration further.

"When you left the Police Station, you were gone for 2 hours and 13 minutes, where did you go?" He asks, writing down the question as he says it.

"James, where is she?" David asks, handing Spencer a miniature Newton's cradle to calm him down.

Everyone looks at James for an answer. After Y/F/N was questioned, he and James were separated for the sake of the case. James was working on a different case file, wrapping it up on the end of the conference table while the team focused on Y/n.

"I'm not positively sure," James lied, rubbing the back of his neck as his handwriting started to get sloppy against the manila folder and its contents inside.

"Well, where do you think?" Derek spoke, his tone snappy and agitated.

After Y/F/N gave up his truth about Y/n's past and her drug problems, Derek was also questioned, not officially, just about how much he knew and what he wasn't letting on. Derek was honest with Hotch and the team, telling them he had no idea about Y/n's problem. Yes, it was true sometimes it intrigued him when they had date night and she never drank anything besides sparkling water, but when she blamed it on "past issues," he assumed it ran in the family.

He assumed because he trusted her.

And she broke that.

"Michael? The guy that Chief Fields couldn't stand? He lived right over here." James gets up and points to the computer screen. Y/n's last coordinates were still up so he dragged his pen across the screen, measuring out the distance for the team as he landed on the only colorful house in satellite view.

"I thought Michael was who introduced her into the drugs in the first place?" Aaron walks over to James.

"It's not really his fault, I've always told Y/n that she could've said no," James responds, becoming silent from everyone's glare at him.

"Saying no isn't easy," Derek mumbles, so low, no one heard him.

No one could say anything as another policeman came into the room frantically about a new body.

Y/n had only been gone 34 minutes at most. There was no way it could be her so quickly, but that didn't stop everyone's thoughts from going to the deep end.

As the team flies into the SUVs, Aaron orders Penelope to keep watch on Y/n's coordinates and dig very thoroughly of the lives of the 9 women, 5 now potential victims.

"Someone has it out for these women, and I wouldn't put it past that Y/n is the glue." He said, tightening his holster.

"I just walked around, took time to clear my head." Y/n lied.

Everyone knew where she was, but Aaron didn't call her out on her false truth and asked the next question.

"When was the last time you purchased any narcotics of the sort, Opioids, Cannabinoids, Hallucinogens, and or Stimulants?" Aaron asked, unsure he wanted to hear the answer himself.

"Last time I was in town, 5 years ago." Y/n lies again.

This time, half of the team is unsure if it's true. James knows deep down it's a lie, but the rest of them don't want to believe it.

So Aaron doesn't push.

"And the last time you consumed any of the narcotics listed before?"

This question, everyone wants the truth, everyone is determined to figure out if they let another team member sink into their addiction before their eyes or if Y/n truly did put her life here behind her.

"As I said, last time I was in town, 5 years ago," Y/n says, her tone changing. It speaks of truth, which tells everyone, even her father that she lied about the last time she bought drugs and where she was, but they don't care about that at this moment.

All they care about is her sobriety, they were still her family after all.

Aaron smiles internally as he writes Y/n's answer on the yellow pad, then ripping the sheet off and sliding it underneath the cardboard. When he does this, the next yellow sheet visible is not blank, it's all of Y/F/N's previous questions. The horrible lights make it hard to see all of them but it still shines bright on the first one.

"What was discipline like as Y/n grew up?" Aaron asks his first question.

The question throws Y/F/N off guard. That had nothing to do with the investigation, what did the FBI want to know about his parenting?

"I believe you were asked a question," David says beside Aaron, arms crossed.

"This has to do what with the investigation?" Y/F/N asked, finally understanding the concept of what he was being asked.

"Agent Hotchner, are you implying that I abused my daughter?" He accused, now not feeling so compliant.

"I didn't say anything to imply, did I, Agent Rossi?" Aaron says loud and clear, bringing the tape recorder to him.

"Not at all, but I think you should repeat it, someone seems confused," Rossi taunted.

"Y/F/N Fields, what was discipline like as Y/n, your daughter grew up?" Aaron demanded an answer.

"Reasonable," Y/F/N said.

"Reasonable how?" Rossi pressed.

"If needed, I taught my daughter wrong from right," Y/F/N replied confidently.

"Did you at any given point in time, use your power as a parent to hit Y/n as a punishment?" Aaron asked bluntly. He hated abusers, it was something about finding pain and taking it out on others that he just could never understand.

"I did. But like I said when it was reasonable." His mouth forms into an undeniable smirk.

Y/F/N's hand went across Y/n's face.

"I said I was sorry!" The girl cried, she was only trying to show her dad an A+ she got.

"You're always sorry, there was no reason for you to knock that down." The angry male pointed to the empty cup on the floor.

Out of excitement, Y/n's elbow hit the plastic cup and knocked it down, but she was backed into the wall before she could pick it up, dropping her graded test midway.

"Reasonable," Y/F/N mumbled to himself.

Anger filled Y/n as her eyes went over the word reasonable.

Never once was Y/F/N reasonable.

Never.

Clenching her fists, Y/n sits up straight and zones back into her conversation with Aaron.

"Can you ask it again?" She says, making straight eye contact.

"Your relations to Daniela Choi?" Aaron asks.

Y/n doesn't know how to reply, she knows Derek is watching so she has to careful with her answer.

"I was-," She gathers her thoughts. "We were pretty close."

It's not a lie. They were close, extremely.

"Who would you say Y/n was closest to?" Aaron asks James.

The team started the investigation from the very beginning, so now everyone was a suspect.

"I've got a funny feeling about that dude, Hotch," Derek says, but his judgment is clouded, he's angry and hurt so to make him feel better, Aaron took James in for questioning.

"Daniela." James's answer is short.

"Why?"

"They dated, for a long time, blew up our whole group," James explains.

"What group?" Aaron flies through the files that he brought in.

Instead of answering, James takes out a picture.

"He's prepared." JJ points out.

The picture is a cheer team, James is nowhere to be found but the first person to catch Aaron's eye is the babyface of Y/n, she in middle, engulfed in a hug by a female with curly mixed hair- Arianna he later finds out. He wants to question why James has this but James continues to talk.

"Not everyone was supportive."

"What?" Rose asked.

"I'm dating Y/n," Daniela said slowly, it was time the two told their friends, the thought of banishment slipping their minds.

"You and Y/n? But your both girls!" Rose exclaimed, as the pastor's daughter, she was raised to what she thought was right.

"So? My mom said it doesn't matter and we both know Y/F/N won't bat an eye." Daniela spoke for both her and Y/n.

"Guys! Help me out here, tell them it's wrong." Rose looked around the booth, empty cups filled the large table as her high pitch voice filled the empty diner.

"How is it wrong?" Caterina scoffed, she could never have the courage to do what Danny and Y/n are doing but she'll stand by them no matter what.

"The bible-" Rose protests.

"For the last time, not all of us live by the damn bible!" James slammed his hand on the teal table before them.

Everyone loved each other, no one cared for anyone's flaws, like Rose's, who always ignored everyone when they try to tell her they don't want to hear bible quotes, or Y/n who always inserts herself into drama.

They were each other's little family and until now nothing has torn them apart.

"I refuse to be around them and their sins," Rose shoved her finger into Y/n's, finally the young girl to stand up.

"And we refuse to be around you." Y/n's tone is cold and tense.

"We all do." Arianna stood up.

"Christina?" Rose looked at the oldest for help.

"You heard them, you can't hate one without hating all of us." She said.

Christina's word was final. If she said someone was out, they were out, no discussion. She just had to say the words.

"Rose, are you staying or leaving?" She asked.

"I'm leaving, my dignity lasts." Rose proudly held her head high.

"Bye then. You longer are allowed to hang out with us." Christina said with much more pride.

The 10 at the table watched the first walk away.

"Not everyone agreed." James rephrased his sentence, fists clenching in anger.

As James told Aaron how the day that Rose left the group went, his fingers dug deeper into his hand, and when he finally let go, crescent marks left their place.

"When you say close, what do you mean?" Aaron wants to hear from Y/n, James is not trustworthy enough right now.

"I had a relationship with Daniela," Y/n admits.

Hearing the words makes Derek turn on his heels and leave the group in the hall. He needs air, he needs to be away from Y/n right now. He told her he was sorry about her friend and she just went with it, in his eyes, she lied to him.

She did the one thing that he always asked not to.

"Derek?" Spencer's voice called from behind him.

"Not now," Derek says, but it's more of a plead. He doesn't want to take his anger out on someone who doesn't deserve it, he wants to take his anger out on Y/n.

Spencer leaves him alone and Derek takes a few minutes to himself. When he heads back to the station, he refuses to join back with the group, he heads back to the table in the conference room and starts working, the way his handwriting fills each paper and picture easing his mind.

As the minutes feel like hours, Y/n's interview is finally done and she feels bare. She hates how much she revealed, she hates how much has been stripped, how her walls came down and she had no say.

She hates most of her answers were lies that found their way into her truth.

But she won't tell them that, they don't need to know.

They don't get to know.

Aaron lets Y/n head to the hotel first, but when she steps outside, it's dark. Her phone is dead and her body is tired, yet her feet take her to the hotel doors, they let her step into the elevator and into her room. Her hands ache but they plug her phone in and they pull her shirt off. Her hands ache but they turn the knobs of the shower and unbutton her pants. Her legs hurt but they step out of the jeans and help her feet kick them to the side. Her body is a temple of pain but as she removes her bra and underwear, as she steps in the shower, as her fingers run over her body and squeeze the soap out of her cloth out, letting it slide down her figure, she finds her self sitting in the middle of her bed, the air silent where she finally lets her self cry.

So many years of bottling up feeling, so many years of trauma, and it took 34 questions to strip her of who she was. Every single question she counted, every single time she felt betrayed, she counted, her life was out there to know, memories she hid taunt her.

A knock on her door pulls her out of her thoughts.

When she gets up, she takes notice of the black shirt she was wearing 24 hours ago. The feeling of Derek's hand run up and down her body in chills as she walks closer to the door.

24 hours ago everything was peaceful.

Now it's a shithole.

Cracking open the door, Y/n is surprised, to say the least. Both people are silent as she opens the door more and lets the person step in.

"Derek-" She tries.

"No. You don't get to talk. It's your turn to listen." He says, meaning every fucking word.

[deelooc]

Hey bestie would u please do ukitake fluff 😩🤲🏻🤍

of course bestie, we need some ukitake content smh🙄✋🏻idk if this is considered fluff but i thought it was a cute idea so 🧎‍♀️

anyway, i hope u like this idea it turned out to be sort of long :,) ʕ•̫͡•ʔ♥︎ʕ•̫͡•ʔ

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Jushiro Ukitake x Reader

Fluff                        

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Picnic Date

It was only normal that after countless trips to the World of the Living, you would come across many different activities that humans partake in regularly. However, one thing in particular had caught your eye during your last trip. It was your first time traveling without your lover and captain, Ukitake, who was feeling more ill than usual at the time so logically, he had stayed back in the Soul Society. You had gotten to know this leisurely activity while on your way to check up on the substitute soul reaper, Ichigo Kurosaki. The sun was setting, tranquil and gorgeous, a strong shade of red overtaking the horizon, indicating that the next day would be a hot one. You had stopped by at the local park, taking your time to observe all the different people who were there for different reasons. What grabbed your attention the most was the young couple seated on a small blanket with lots of little snacks layed out on it. This suddenly sparked an idea in your brain, making you all giddy with excitement with the thought of executing this plan flawlessly.

*

A few days had already passed since your return to the Seireitei, and unfortunately, you weren't able to execute the plan you had in mind. Both you and Ukitake were really busy with soul reaper duties, giving you little to no time to spend with each other.

Finally, Saturday had arrived and surprisingly, you and Ukitake had no work at all, granting you the opportunity to work on your little surprise. You woke up pretty early in the morning to the birds delightfully chirping outside, rays of sun dispersed around you and your partner's shared room. With little to no surprise, said partner was still in his own little world of sleep. He deserved this, after over exerting himself making his illness take a turn for the worse. After giving your boyfriend a quick kiss on his forehead, you were wide awake and ready to get your morning routine over and done with in order for you to get started with preparations for today's surprise. You ended up settling for a messy ponytail, a short white dress with little red strawberries all over it, hugging your curves perfectly. You had bought this dress while in the World of the Living with the Women's Soul Reapers Association. As for shoes, you simply went for a pair of old sneakers just in case they were to get dirty.

You started off by grabbing a simple white blanket, suitable for a picnic. As for the food, you had put your best friend, Rangiku Matsumoto, in charge of this task. Though she wasn't the best cook, she was the only friend of yours who had nothing to do the night before your picnic outing. As you arrived at her living quarters, you loudly knocked on the door, knowing that that's what it usually took your friend to open up. As the two of you exchanged greetings, you noticed that time was already running out, meaning that you had to quickly grab the food and head out to the chosen picnic location in order for everything to be layed out flawlessly before Ukitake's arrival.

"Okay, so I have everything you asked for here including the ohagi. Though I must admit, I may or may not have convinced Kira and Hisagi to help."

Knowing your best friend, this was to be expected from her the moment you even considered asking for her help. "Can't say I'm surprised. Anyway, I've got to get going now. Thanks for everything!", you yelled over your shoulder, running to be able to make it in time for the set-up. The location you chose was one that your lover frequently went to when he found himself to be overwhelmed. It was surrounded by tall grass still covered in little droplets of dew. A bunch of daisies were starting to grow, making it the perfect setting for a picnic. You started off by spreading the white picnic blanket in a suitable spot, patting out the wrinkles to make it look more presentable. Next came the several assortments of food ranging from Ukitake's favorite, ohagi, to something as simple as mini sandwiches and strawberries. You had contemplated the night before on whether or not you should convince Kyoraku to lend you some of his sake, however you decided not to, in fear of your lover's health.

It was nearing one o'clock, the time decided on for your meet-up, when you caught a glimpse of your partner's white hair, indicating that he was approaching you. The tall, slender man wore an outfit he considered "casual" since he was almost always in his shihakusho; a pair of black dress pants, a white button up shirt and a pair of black sneakers. He still had no idea what you had planned for the day, having told him only the location and no additional details. As he got closer, you waved at him in order for him be able to spot you. Quickly and excitedly, you stood up to greet your lover, "I'm glad you were able to make it on time", you smiled into his chest, hugging him tightly. "I wouldn't miss this for the world- oh and what do we have here?", he paused while still hugging you, peering behind you curiously at the cute picnic set-up. You slowly pulled away from the hug, Ukitake still holding you, trying to hide the light blush tinting your cheeks, making you look at the ground, "Well I thought that since we haven't been able to spend some quality time together recently, I decided to take things in my own hands and plan this little picnic date for us. Do you not like it? We can go back home or do something else if you wa-" Your lover lightly chuckled at your embarrassment, interrupting you with a soft kiss to your lips, silencing you immediately. "I absolutely love it. Well, why don't we go ahead and get started, shall we?"

The both of you sat across from each other, making sure not to mess up the food and blanket that you took your time setting up. Ukitake's eyes lit up as he noticed his favorite dish that you had managed to remember bringing. You giggled at his childish eagerness, happy to see him acting relaxed, which was rare considering the life you both lived. Killing hollows and having to engage in battle with the occasional ryoka always affected you both, as you never knew when the other was in a life threatening situation. However, these situations really made you appreciate the time spent together, making you cherish each other even more. You were so lost in your own thoughts, that you hadn't noticed Ukitake staring at you in pure adoration with his favorite food halfway into his mouth. Once you snapped back to reality, the view in front of you caused you to suppress your laughter, not wanting to ruin the mood. As the day went on, both you and your lover were enjoying the food that ended up tasting "not as bad as expected" according to Ukitake, and indulging yourselves in a simple conversation, catching each other up on your lives with a bit of laughter here and there while the both of you were very busy.

Hours had passed, and it was already nearing sunset. The both of you had finished eating a while ago, now laying on the picnic blanket with Ukitake on his back and you on your stomach, leaning over so that your face was above his. You were still chatting about anything and everything while playing with your lover's long white hair that you love styling so much. As he was telling you about one of Kyoraku's drunken stories, the daisies you had initially taken notice of, caught your eye once again. You leaned over Ukitake's face, causing your chest to be right over his face, making him very flustered as he was cut off mid-sentence, "Um sweetheart, may I ask what you're doing?". You had in fact picked a pretty daisy that had already fully bloomed. Going back to your initial position, no words spoken, you slowly placed the flower in your lover's hair, causing him to widen his eyes as he deeply blushed. "What? I just thought it would look pretty on you." As you spoke, Ukitake grinned, propped himself up on his elbows and softly grabbed your face, pulling you in for a sweet kiss, one you so desperately longed for after all this time you were apart. You made sure to avoid hurting him as you tangled your hands in his soft hair, pulling him even closer to you if that were even possible.

After you both reluctantly pulled away from the quite literally breathtaking kiss you shared, Ukitake pulled you down on top of him, positioning you comfortably on his chest all the while tightly embracing you and stroking your locks, soothing you. As you were gazing at the beautiful sunset, your lover decided to break the comfortable silence. "I really appreciate what you had planned for us, darling. It's been a while since we were able to just comfortably be around each other without any distractions. Even though this may sound cheesy or whatever, you know I love you, right? I don't get to say it much, but I really do", he quietly spoke, afraid to ruin the mood. This sudden statement made you smile to yourself, happy to hear these comforting few words after quite some time. "I know that. I really do love you, too, Jushiro."

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[marvel-and-mischief]

Daisies

Part of my Floriography Series

Pairing: Pero Tovar x F!Reader Words: 2700 Warnings: gambling, swearing, alcohol, rough handling by guards, allusions to prostitution (it’s part of a scam), lighthearted punishment in the stocks Synopsis: Pero seems to always be around at the wrong time to sabotage your scams and join in with your punishments. Enemies to Lovers (sorta)

Daisies: attachment, new beginnings

💐

“Now remember, ten or above wins you double your stake, below ten and your stake is mine.”

The scruffy drunkard sat opposite you let out a bellowing laugh, the nasty stench of his rotten teeth hitting your nostrils. His movements sloshed the tankard of mead in his hand, spilling some of its contents on the table between you. You had to hold back your look of disgust and smile through the uncomfortableness.

“I won’t lose. Throw ‘em, lady,” he slurred. You had to fight off the smirk threatening to show on your face as you shook the two, six sided dice in your right hand. You had nothing to worry about, the dice were weighted, favoring the lower numbers and therefore guaranteeing your win every time. 

“Alright, but when you win you owe me a drink!” you winked cheekily at your mark, catching his eye whilst you threw the dice on the table. The more you distracted them the less chance there was of getting caught in your scam.

The dice came to a stop and you both looked down at the same time; a three and a four, earning a groan of disappointment from the few onlookers that had gathered to watch.

“Better luck next time,” you grinned, gathering up your dice and winnings as the man muttered something unintelligible and grumpily left the table, “anyone else want a go?”

“I will.”

You froze at the voice in your ear and saw the figure of a familiar man take the recently vacant seat opposite you. Pero Tovar always seemed to show up in your life when you least wanted him to. He was an annoying ghost and you could never shake off his haunting. You should gather up your earnings and leave but something kept you rooted to the table. And the longer you took to contemplate your next move, the more the drunkards in the tavern wanted to know what was going on. Soon you’d attracted quite the crowd.

“I said, I want a go.”

You looked into his brown eyes, the ones that sparkled with humor, always at your expense. 

“It may be too difficult for your small brain to understand how to play,” you said through gritted teeth.

“Then let us play a different one. I will throw the dice, and if the total is lower than ten, I win every penny you have taken tonight.”

The bastard. The only reason he would suggest playing it that way was if he knew how you were cheating the game. You clenched your jaw in frustration. 

“I think I am ready to take my leave-“

“But we have an audience!” Pero smirked, raising his voice and waving a hand at the tavern full of people who hurrahed, eager for you to throw the dice. You were cornered, physically by the wall of people around you and mentally by Pero who knew if you refused the game it would look suspicious. 

“Fine,” you grumbled, faking an over the top smile, twirling the dice in one hand and clenching your other hand into a fist under the table. Stay calm, don’t show him how much he was getting to you, you told yourself. You’d chase him down afterwards and with a knife to his throat take your money back. That would show him.

You dropped the dice on the table and leaned back in your seat to see Pero staring at you. You didn’t need to see the dice to know you had lost, the weights that usually worked for you were against you this time, and the tavern goers yelled in surprise and delight, some were even joyfully patting Pero on the shoulder in congratulations. All the while Pero was smiling at you, self satisfied at playing you at your own game. 

You pulled the drawstring bag off your hip and threw it across the table, hitting Pero in the chest. 

“Better luck next time,” Pero mocked your earlier words, “would you like a drink to drown your sorrows in?” Pero threw the bag of coins in the air and caught it successfully. 

“Oh bugger off, Pero,” you hissed, leaving the tavern in a huff. You didn’t want to see him again this night. You’d get him back next time.

-

The boy was young, still a teenager but old enough to know better. His clothes were of the finest materials, gold threads held the pieces together and added beautiful patterns to the front and shoulders of the jacket. He even had a long, shiny feather in his cap. He stuck out in the crown like a sore thumb.

You had been scouting the market for marks all morning and he was the only person you thought worthy of relieving of coin. He had a guard with him, who was more interested in looking at the women walking by, and his coin purse was dangling enticingly down by his hip. It would have been much easier for a child to run along and snip the string with a knife but the only ones you’d found were hand in hand with their parents. So you were on your own.

You were hidden down the side of a building, in the shadows and away from prying eyes. Or so you thought until you caught the flash of a grin out the corner of your eye.

Pero Tovar was mirroring your position on the other side of the marketplace, the wealthy man in the middle of you both. Pero moved his gaze to said man and it was then you knew he was after your mark. 

It had been only a couple of nights since he took all your money at the tavern and you’d be damned if you were going to let him swindle you of even more coin. You had to get to the mark before Pero did, by any means necessary. 

You tried to plead with him, subtly shaking your head but all Pero did was lean against the wall and offer you a warning glare. 

The mark was buying a trinket from a stool, handing his purchase over to the guard to carry and looking around for where to go next. This was your only chance. 

You untied the string at the top of your tunic, letting it open up to display your chest more than you would usually allow. But you needed a distraction and a way of getting close to the man without suspicion. You pulled out the small scissors from your boot and held them comfortably in your dominant hand, shaking down your sleeve to keep them out of sight.

You tried to ignore Pero but as soon as you slipped out of the alley he did the same, heading directly for the wealthy man. 

Unfortunately whilst you were gaining speed through jogging movements, Pero’s purposeful strides were larger than yours, meaning you both reached the man at the same time. 

“Sir, could I offer my services-“

“You seem too respectable to want the services of a harlot-“

“Harlot? Excuse me, I am so sorry, this ruffian-“

“Ruffian! You should show some respect-“

Your attempts to get close enough to grab the purse were scuppered by Pero subtly pulling you away with a hand around your waist. And as much as you tried to pry him off you, he was strong and stubborn, rendering your scam completely useless. The wealthy man’s guard dragged him away with a growl in your direction to stop you from pursuing them.

“What was that!?” Those words had been on the tip of your tongue but Pero spoke them first. You looked at him with a confused frown.

“What?”

“What were you thinking? That guard could have killed you.”

“Oh do not pretend you care for my health, you wanted that purse to yourself.”

“I did, but when I saw you were going to get yourself in serious trouble I had to come and save you instead of getting the coins for myself. You are welcome, idiota.”

You stared at Pero in disbelief. Was he expecting gratefulness? You couldn’t quite believe what he was saying.

“I have been doing this for years and I haven’t gotten caught once. I would appreciate it if you didn’t save me again,” you huffed, tying up the strings of your shirt before stomping away from him. 

If you never saw Pero Tovar again it would be too soon.

-

You were mad. But you were mad that Pero was right more than you were mad at your actual predicament. 

You had been playing a simple card trick on an unsuspecting traveller, one that you’d played hundreds of times, it had never gone wrong. Somehow the extra card up your sleeve (the one you used to cheat with) had slipped out and fallen to the floor and a guard that had been watching had spotted it and arrested you before you could run.

So that was how you found yourself in the stocks all morning, set in the middle of the courtyard of the castle grounds for everyone to laugh at. A few delighted children had thrown various rotten vegetables in your face, most adults had taken pity on you and walked on by. Your back was hurting from being hunched over, your feet were aching on the hard, stone ground. But none of that compared to the pain of seeing your foe being dragged towards you. 

“Please, I beg you, this is punishment enough, do not put that man anywhere near me.”

“Anyone would think you hated me,” Pero grumbled, humor in his voice despite being guided towards his punishment.

You felt the top half of the stocks lifting off the back of your neck, a second of relief, as the guards situated Pero next to you. His hand was so close to yours you could touch him, not that you wanted to. The stocks were dropped down and locked in place and the guards left you alone.

“You bring me nothing but bad luck,” you mumbled, huffing as you shifted on your feet.

“Because I was not there to save you this time?” You could hear the smirk in his voice which irritated you.

“Because I have never been caught, and then you start showing up everywhere I go and I am caught, and to make things worse, I have to be punished next to you!” You laughed humorlessly, narrowly dodging a handful of what smells like horse manure. You shoot a glare over to the man who threw it.

“Carino,” Pero clicked his tongue and you felt his hand sweep against yours, “these rotten potatoes are preferable to your whining.”

You gasped and tried to flick at his hand but it only hurt your bruising wrists.

“When I get out of here I am going to find the biggest vegetable, fresh from the ground, and throw it at you.”

Pero laughed a large, belly rumbling laugh that surprised you. 

“Why are you laughing?” you asked, baffled at his sudden turn of emotions, but it didn’t deter him from laughing more. 

It was the second plop of manure hitting the top of your head that had you joining in with Pero. The ridiculousness of the situation, the bickering between you, and your damn hand kept knocking into his. It was all so silly.

You spent the rest of the morning in fits of giggles with the man you thought you hated.

-

You were thrown down the steps of the dungeons, your knees hitting the hard, dirty floor before you were hauled back to your feet to be taken to the cell that would be yours for the night.

“We have to stop meeting like this,” was the voice that greeted you. You saw him sitting in the corner of the cell, a growing bruise on his jaw and stripped of his leather outer garments. He looked softer in just a shirt and breeches, more vulnerable but also kinder. Like any ordinary man, not the pain in the ass you knew him to be. You chuckled at the sight of him.

“Your life would be boring without me,” you teased, but Pero nodded his agreement. You plopped down next to him with a sigh, stretching out your legs and feeling the soreness of your knees as you rested them. You rubbed at the tenderness over your skirts. 

“Are you hurt?”

“Some scrapes, that is all,” you assured him, but his eyes lingered where you were soothing your burning knees, “how did you end up in here?”

“Not my fault,” you raised a sceptical eyebrow, “a drunkard started a fight with me.”

“And where is this drunkard?” you asked suspiciously, looking through the bars into the other cells, all of which were empty.

“He passed out. The guards did not want to drag his useless body in here.”

You hummed, clearly not believing his tale. He rolled his eyes at you, deciding it wasn’t worth arguing.

“And you?”

“Hmm?”

“How did you end up in here?”

You sighed, remembering what had happened.

“A noblewoman thought I was going to steal her purse.”

“You were not going to steal her purse?”

“No!” You feigned looking scandalised at the mere suggestion, before dropping the act, “I was going to steal her dog.”

Pero guffawed, not expecting you to say such a thing.

“Her dog?”

“It would have been worth more than the coins in her purse.”

Pero rubbed at his tired eyes. You listened to the sounds around you; the guards gossiping outside the dungeon door, a rat squeaking somewhere nearby, the rhythm of Pero’s breathing. It was the first bit of peace you’d had in a long time.

“If we get caught again they will not simply throw us in the dungeons,” Pero whispered ominously. 

You couldn’t disagree with him, but there weren’t many other options for people like the two of you. You were wanderers and loners. You had no money, no home, no family. What choice did you have?

You glanced at Pero who was already looking at you. He looked defeated, with dark bags under his eyes and his lips turned ever so slightly downwards, he looked how you felt. Hopeless and alone. 

“We keep running into each other. That must mean something,” you claimed, feeling stupid as soon as the words came out. You quickly looked away and waited for him to mock you.

“You think this is God’s will?”

You shrugged and began picking at the dirt on your skirts.

“Perhaps we should do something about it.”

“Like what?” you asked, allowing your tone to lift in hope. 

“If we are meant to be, maybe we should get out of this town and find another.”

“Together?”

“Why not?”

You looked at Pero then. There was no teasing in his eyes or smirk on his lips, he was being deadly serious. Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of sticking with Pero from now on. However, you couldn’t make it too easy for him. 

“Well for one, I’d be stuck with your ugly mug.”

Pero grinned and let out a deep, throaty chuckle. 

“I would wager my ugly face is better than the hangman's noose.” 

The room became sombre once more as you realised what your options were. You had to leave town, but you could either do that alone or with the man whose company you were beginning to enjoy. 

You felt Pero nudge your side and you saw he was holding a single daisy up to you. 

“Do you carry flowers at all times?”

“No, idiota, they are growing in the walls,” with an amused shake of his head he carefully placed the small flower behind your ear and leaned back to admire his work.

After your initial shock you smiled your thanks and he smiled back. 

“Bonita,” Pero muttered and leaned his shoulder against yours as he settled back against the cold, damp wall.

You think you could get used to sticking by his side. 

Permanent tag list: @autumnleaves1991-blog​ @phoenixhalliwell​ @computeringturtle

[misterghostfrog]

So I was reading someones post about what if Jon went back in time to save everyone, and he managed it. He kept Martin away from Prentiss, he Kept Sasha alive, Tim never even know the unknowing existed and he never had Jons paranioa to ruin him. But They never knew, there was never those moments of bonding between the terror. Martin never had that moment when he realized Jon wasn’t just his shitty boss. And sure the assistants were close, but there was no room for Jon. And it gave me thoughts.

Under the cut bc I started to Ramble and it got Long, warning; its Big Sad Hours down there. No happy endings here.

Jon solves all these problems before they start, he fixes it without anyone ever knowing. The assistants are blissfully unaware, maybe he stops sending them on ‘real’ statement followup. The archives are a normal, safe job for all of them. Sometimes it gets too much, pretending he doesn’t know them. So he’ll record, mostly for himself. Sometimes for them, though he’ll never share. He sticks them all in Gertrude's old storage locker, where he knows they’ll never be found.

And then something goes wrong. He knows the unknowing can’t work, of course it can’t. But Nikola doesn’t, none of the avatars know. And Nikola still wants her skin. She still wants his skin, actually. And she’s not afraid to play dirty to get it, she’s hands-on like that. Because why stop at the archivist when he’s got so many lovely ignorant assistants?

So he fixes the problem before she can make good on her threats, she can’t be killed that easily. He knows. But she died during the unknowing, and there are some pretty simple steps to follow to replicate that result. He knows the easiest way to make sure it works is also a death sentence for him. But that’s a simple choice to make. Alright no, it’s not. He’s terrified of death, of dying. He doesn’t want to die, but he can lie to himself. He can delude and say maybe he’ll get another chance. And just in case, he makes sure the assistants know they can quit now.

Tim, Sasha, and Martin don’t know what to make of the news that their boss died mysteriously in an explosion. They know even less what to make of the notes he left them.

Clearly the ramblings of a very unstable man. They all knew Jon was a bit off but this... Well, they all know there’s something weird about the job. But the apocalypse? Really? 

Sasha believes some of it, she’s worked in artifact storage. She’s seen what this stuff can do. But, well. Jon’s never come off as the most stable person, and with no proper proof to back up any of this there’s no reason for them to follow suit. After all she’s known lots of people to quit the institute, she even knows for a fact that Eric Delano did it when she was rooting through employee records for perfectly rational legal reasons.

Then Martin gets called up to Elias’s office, and gets the news he’s the new head archivist.

He tries to turn it down, but he’s offered a pay-raise and a promise that he can step down anytime if he doesn’t feel suited to the position. Elias just sees so much potential in him.

Martin tries to feel flattered and not thoroughly terrified by the way Elias says potential. He takes the promotion, after all, he can always step down if it’s too much.

He offers as much when he finds out Sasha probably should have been given the position, but she turns him down. It’s not his fault their boss is a sexist old bastard, and at this rate he’d probably just turn around and give it to Tim.

Things are normal for a few months. Until slowly a strange noise starts to be heard around the archives, a weird sort-of squishing sound with no source. Along with a metallic scent of meat. 

An infestation, of course. They’re getting the problem worked on, or so Elias says. But aside from the occasional exterminator coming in to ‘take a look’ nothing ever seems to change. Weird statements start showing up on Martins desk, surrounding meat and twisted up things, eaten alive and wrong. Suddenly he understands how Jon went off his rocker so easily.

It’s hard to believe all this supernatural stuff as it’s suddenly getting crammed down his throat, after so long of the archives being normal in almost every sense of the word it’s like missing a step on the staircase. The more awful statements he finds- that Tim and Sasha confirm -the more he realizes how much his boss was hiding from them.

He wants to quit, he thinks about it, he tries to think about it. But he just, can’t.

It’s another or two month before it happens. Meat and bone and gristle erupt from the floor, taking on horrible mangled shapes of almost-humans reaching out with hands full of teeth and hungry.

They all survive, though Tim gets eaten up a bit more than the rest of them. And they’ll all have nightmares for the rest of their lives. They’re alive.

And they find Gertrude’s body, though none of them know how to feel about it. They’ve realized by now there’s something to Jon’s nonsensical ramblings. And they’re long past regretting not quitting before this all happened.

There’s a section of document storage that got uncovered during the cleaning,an old cot that was shoved behind some of the shelves, and a box that had a few sets of clothes, an old teacup, and a key. The cleaners say they burned the clothes, but the cup and the Key are given to Martin for him to keep to return to whoever left their things in the archive.

Neither of those items belong to Tim or Sasha, so they all assume they belonged to Jon.

They start following Jons footsteps, they find out he was a suspect in an arson case surrounding Carlos Vittery’s old apartment. Nobody was there except one unidentified body. He was arrested for trespassing on a dock, though no charges were filed. There was an incident that ended in the near arrest of one Jude Perry, though no charges were filed and she soon fell off the grid. And then he exploded using C4 he had no way of getting, Nothing concrete, no proper genuine evidence except a series of weird encounters their dead boss had.

Martin Decides to try and hunt down Jude Perry, it takes some time. He has a very nice cup of tea with one Micheal Crew. Who points him in a general direction and is just a bit weird about tall buildings.

Martin finds Jude, and asks her about Jon. She laughs at him, of course. But she tells him anyway. Jon was trying to have her arrested- no, not arrested. Killed. Officer Tonner would have seen to that, he knew one of the Hunt could do her in, well. At least of Officer Tonner’s sort anyway. Jude resisted, naturally. He escaped her clutches only barely, by running. Like a coward. And she escaped the policewoman by playing innocent. She’s still on her tail though, damn dog. It’ll be a long time before she’d rid of her, but she knows better than to run. Oh, he doesn’t know what any of that means, does he? Oh he really doesn’t, how sweet. Just a little baby archivist- she was going to kill him after this. But watching him stumble into his own ruin will be so much more fun.

She sends him on his way with a burn.

Martin is terrified, he genuinely tries to quit. Almost manages it before his computer shuts off. The others try too, and then they all have a lovely freak-out together.

They decide to try and talk to Detective Tonner, which proves easy. She’s the partner of the one who’s been interviewing them. She comes to the institute, and they ask her about Jon. She tells them they believed he was responsible for killing Gertrude, seeing as he was next in line. Martin accidentally Compels her into a statement, and then into admitting she's mostly just saying he killed her because dead men don’t put up fights.

She threatens him right then and there, though Basira comes in and intervenes before anything happens. He files a dispute with the station, and avoids the police after that.

Basira brings him some of the tapes, she says it’s an apology. He’s pretty sure she’s just trying to get him to drop the dispute in the weirdest way possible. He does learn some about Gertrude though, and through her what he’s dealing with. And something about an ‘unknowing’

A man named peter Lukas visits the institute, one of the doners. Elias says he wants to see how the archive runs, Lukas says a few choice words about it. And Martin tells him in the most polite of terms to shove off. Lukas threatens him, and very briefly makes him forget everyone he’s ever loved. And then tells him he got off lucky, and that Elias should have picked a better archivist. You can hardly trust someone so childish to run something as important as this now can you.

Daisy visits him in his home, and threatens him in much more physical terms now. She tells him if he tries to do what he did to her again he’ll get more than a scar.

After that it’s a bit unclear how he gets marked by the next two (Curruption, Stranger.) but he does.

There’s a delivery, a few weeks after the stranger mark. It’s not supernatural in any sense, just a young woman dropping off a small box in the archivists office. She says her name is Georgie, and no, she doesn’t know what’s in the box. She just had an old friend tell her to deliver it if he didn’t check in after a bit. Then she found out he died on the news, and then she hadn’t wanted to deliver them- clearly whatever was in the box was going to get someone killed. And she wasn’t scared of it, she wasn’t one for fear, but the thought of putting anyone in danger made her skin crawl. But she didn’t want it in her house, and she refused to be haunted be this box forever. And there was no reason to defy the poor guys apparent final wishes- wait, why was she saying all this again?

In the box was tapes, a dozen or so of them. All addressed to ‘the next head archivist’

It’s Jon’s voice, on the tapes. Talking to who he apparently assumes to be an entire stranger, explaining the fears. And how Smirkes 14 wasn’t wrong, but wasn’t right either. It tells the next archivist to avoid eyes, paintings, doodles, abstract representations, and to keep playing dumb. There’s a lot out there, and the more you know the worse it gets. There’s no fighting, don’t struggle the nets already around you. There’s a way out, but you’re not going to like it.

It gives an odd image of Jon, the man who awkwardly tried to make small-talk int he break room, only to shuffle away after it fell flat. Carrying this world-ending secret on his shoulders. Stiff, awkward Jon. Grim, sad Jon. not so far apart but still so far outside of what Martin had known about him.

What had Martin known about him?

Tim decides to quit, Sasha stays. Elias hires Melanie. Who turns out to be another connection to Jon.

Melanie says he was kind of a prick, he belived her about her Sarah incident, but refused to give her library access. Probably because he was sexist, or maybe just a dickhead. She’d been trying to learn more about her encounter for ages. And this was finally her chance. They try to explain the way out but she won’t listen.

Martin starts following Gertrudes tapes, things about the unknowing have been popping up on his desk lately, and it sounds like Jon was right about an apocalypse. He goes to america, gets a bit kidnapped, and meets Gerry. He offers to help, and then asks about the unknowing. Gerry points him towards the storage locker. And when he gets back He and Sasha and Melanie check it out.

It’s mostly empty, apparently somewhat recently cleared out. Though in the corner there’s a large box of Tapes. There has to be dozens of them, and when they pres play it’s Jon. Talking to them. Except it’s not them, it’s another version of them, and something this version.

And there’s another Jon to add to the mystery of a man he was. The jon on these tapes isn’t stiffly awkward or forcedly professional. He’s open, sad. He cries, he laughs at memories they don’t have. He apologizes, a lot. Too much really. He talks about time travel, about forgetting faces and losing friends.

“Sometimes I-I think- I can’t help but be a bit... upset. At how unfair it all is. You’re all happy and laughing and together and i’m- 

i’m alone. 

I suppose it must be some sort of- cosmic Karma, I doomed the world so in this new one bright an new I pay my penance in isolation.

Or maybe it’s the other way around. I doom the world- suffer its horrors, and get a little bit of time to taste what humanity would be like.

Or maybe i’m just not that likable without an apocalypse.

Probably says a lot about me either way.

Is it bad that I- I sometimes consider letting things play their course? W-without any of you dying of course I just... I suppose it is bad, to want to end the world because you’re lonely. Just because i’m a bit sad doesn’t mean the planet should suffer, no... maybe i’ll try and reconnect with Georgie, it’s been... well. No. Perhaps best not.”

Sasha says that if she knew she would have at least brought him out for drinks or something. 

But they did sort-of know didn’t they? Not about the apocalypse, but about the loneliness. After all, nobody chats so awkwardly in the break room because they have a thriving social life.

“I’m going to kill Nikola tonight- i’m not going to die. I’m not. I didn’t die last time, a-and there’s no reason for that to change. T-there isn’t. I’m going to try and be a safe distance from the blast this time, too. But... Well, it’s not like I have anyone to miss me if I do go.

I suppose... Martin, if you’re listening to this- I... I miss you. You always did say I should be more open with my feelings, and it’s weird. To miss someone who’s right there. T-to look at a face and see a friend and a stranger. To love someone you’ve known for years who doesn’t even really know who you are.

It’s all very stranger, ironic really. Considering what i’m about to do.

I love you, and I miss you. I know you’re not listening, even if I did die you’ve probably long since quit. I hope you’re happy, whatever you’re doing. Happy and safe. All of you. 

And maybe you are listening, maybe... maybe we do become friends, maybe you actually choose to talk to me someday. Maybe I tell you about all of this and... And you don’t think i’m mad. Maybe you let me take you out to dinner and we’d be together again. We’d never be like before- not that that’s a bad thing what with the eldritch horrors. There’d be bits missing, memories we don’t share- but, it would still be you... It’s always been you, I think. And maybe I've decided to give this to you as some sort of silly romantic gesture.

A-and in that case. I love you, Martin Blackwood. More than you’ll ever know.

[HE SIGHS]

When I come back, i’m recording over this.”

[CLICK]

But he didn’t come back. He died that night. He died loving Martin, who never even really knew him beyond passing awkward conversation. Martin doesn’t know how to feel about it, besides guilty that is.

The tapes point them towards Georgie Barker, the woman who delivered the other set to the archives.

Georgie doesn’t really want anything to do with them, she knows whatever they’re stewing in got Jon killed. But she tells them about her encounter with The End, though she’s tetchy afterwards. Martins finally starting to understand this whole compelling business and is feeling pretty sorry about it. He redirects, he starts to ask about Jon. Who he was, really. What she knew he was like.

They talk, Martins curiosity is part Eye and part knowing that someone loved him, really, really loved him. And feeling like he missed out, like he skipped a train he hadn’t known was there. And wanting to know what kind of person would- could love him the way Jon did. And why that kind of person could end the world.

They talk, Georgie explains why they broke up (clashing ideals, he didn’t believe in the supernatural and her trauma was so inherently tied to it. He was a sleep-clinger and she kicked when she dreamed) And why it took so long for them to break up (Jon was funny once you learned to get his jokes, the Admiral loved him, he had a weird way of caring that was really sweet) they talk about things, Georgie lets him hang out with her as long as he promises to keep the supernatural out of their conversations. And how is Melanie doing by the way?

Sasha has a hard time splitting her time in the archive and helping Tim. He can manage himself of course but it’s hard knowing he’s sitting in her flat alone, he’s getting back into publishing though. Sleeping easier now he knows that not only is he free of the eye, but Jon very much killed the thing that killed Danny. He only wishes he could have been the one to pull the trigger. Sasha is getting more involved though, the eye has it’s own grip on her.

They finally confront Elias. They know it won’t do any good, Jons tapes explained what he was, who he was. But they’re frustrated. Low on options. Jon never really explained what the apocalypse was- if Martins learned anything from the other tapes it’s probably because he forgot, thought he did somewhere and didn’t.

Elias isn’t entirely surprised that they’ve figured it out, he knew something was going on. Though he wasn’t quite sure what. He claims he knows what oncoming apocalypse Jon was talking about, and that he was likely underestimating the amount.

He sends them to Ny-Ålesund. And Martin views the black sun. Gets briefly taken hostage by Manuela. And gets “saved” by a man who pops out of a door to stab her.

He says his name is Micheal, and he’s not there to help. He does his whole distortion bit, confuses them. Stabs Martin when he tries to take his statement. Says he was going to kill him, but what happens next might be much better than death. And leaves after stating that he’s very excited to watch how the rest of this plays out.

They go back to the institute, and Elias says he must have been wrong. Oopsie. Anyway the web is planning a ritual you should go check out the spooky house from all these statements.

They meet Annabelle in person, Martin gets marked by the web.

This continues on for the end the slaughter and the buried. They finally confront Elias again about these wild goose chases, he claims innocence but he’s done it enough times they don’t believe him. They stop trusting Elias. Not that they ever really did, but they stop listening to him.

Melanie isn’t as angry as she was. Though she is still angry. She didn’t go to india so no ghost bullet, but she’s still trapped. Though she knows how to quit, it’s been a scary idea. But the longer she stays the more she realizes how low she is on options. So she quits.

Martin is angry, he’s exhausted, he’s confused. Nothing makes sense. And another one of Elias’s goddamn doners is visiting. A weird old man who, when he shakes his hand, makes him feel like he just dropped off a rollercoaster at a million miles into empty nothingness. He laughs when Martins regained himself, and says that that tricks better than a buzzer every time.

He visits Georgie again, he’s thinking about quitting. But he can’t figure out what the apocalypse he’s supposed to stop is, because according to Jon it’s pretty bad. And he’s the one who can stop, or maybe start, it. But he doesn’t know what it is.

He talks to Georgie about Jon some more, it’s funny, to grieve a man you already knew. Except four years too late. There’s a sort-of helpless frustration to it, every time he talks about Jon he wishes he could be learning this first-hand. Not from someone who hadn’t spoken to him in years before this.

He also finds himself glued to the tapes, he can relate, in a way. To Jons loneliness. To have a person so, so close but so far away. He wishes he could meet the Jon on the tapes now. Then neither of them would have to be lonely. But Jon is dead. And Martin... Martin might love Jon. Jon, who died years ago. A dead man who apparently loved him enough to consider ending the world for the chance to have a real conversation with him.

He goes back to work, frustrated and so, so lost. A million questions that genuinely can’t be answered. There’s a fresh statement on his desk. It’s a statement of Jonah Magnus, regarding stopping the apocalypse.

Certainly a goddamn roundabout way of giving Martin information, but he’ll take it.

He reads the statement.

The world ends.

Sasha, Tim, Melanie, and Georgie all get their own domains. And wander free in the hills of suffering. Martin is alone, well and truly alone. He ended the world, because he was too stupid and sad to read a few extra paragraphs before starting the tape.

But Jon went back, didn’t he? He went back in time and stopped this once. Maybe Martin can too. Maybe he can stop the flesh from attacking, maybe he can stop Melanie from joining the institute. Maybe he can meet the real Jon.

He goes back, he does it. Nobody remembers but him. 

Nobody remembers but him. 

And things keep happening he can’t have predicted.

Worms, Sasha is gone, Gertrude. It’s all wrong. And Jon isn’t the Jon he knew, he doesn’t know Martin, he doesn’t even like Martin. Nobody is the person he knew before.

He is alone. And things keep happening he can’t have predicted, worms tables and paranoia. He starts recording. Trying to follow in Jon’s footsteps and leave information behind, easier to access this time of course. In his flat, and he’ll have the key sent to the archives if something goes wrong. He’ll record until Jon trusts him enough to believe him, Maybe he’ll even stop him before it’s too late and he’ll never need to find out what happened at all. Maybe he can't get close as he was to everyone, but he can keep them safe.

He doesn’t get to finish his recordings, he wasn’t careful enough. Jonah catches wind and half the tapes are destroyed when he dies in a mysterious housefire. But what’s left does get delivered to the archives.

And the cycle continues.

[yellowocaballero]

i know you don't do requests, and i don't expect you to take it as one, but: opinion on s3/s5 jonmartin wlw au? i guess it'd be joanna and martha or different names of the same origin. i feel like it has... raw power and potential. but i might also be in too deep. i just feel like there'd be so many changes that are ultimately little, and yet profound; foreshadowing akin to finding a corpse of a person long lost in spring. i'm sorry, i have no idea how to communicate it in other words.

anyway, hope you're doing well and recovering! what are some new fandoms you're beginning to dabble in?

Thanks for the ask! I’m obsessed with your depiction of the raw power and potential of lesbians. You’re absolutely right. I’ll also spend the rest of this ask assuming that they’re cis women. 

My first instinct is to say that, for Jon and Martin specifically, not too much would change. Jon might feel even more insecure about the Head Archivist job. There’s a new dimension onto the way Jon is, esp in S3, a victim of a lot of violence, aggression, and emotional manipulation, which would add a very different cast with a woman (tbh, this is probably why this element of the story is more interesting if Jon’s a guy. *reylo voice* female coded trauma). Similarly, S5 would take on an even more Kill Bill vibe. I think Tim wouldn’t hate Jon as much. The elements of him stalking them wouldn’t be seen as threatening or creepy, just really pathetic and weird. Daisy attacking and stalking Jon would also have a very different context, which I really wouldn’t like. Melanie would probably like him more, since he’d be perceived as less threatening. Similarly, Jon forcibly taking statements would be coded much less as sexual assault. 

The reason why a lot of the Assistants dislike Jon in canon is because he’s perceived as inherently threatening due to his power. It’s not due to anything he really does beyond some early stalking, but everybody’s afraid of him, but because he never actively threatens any of them then they feel comfortable being derisive. Women are perceived as less threatening, so the perception of Jon might shift more towards pathetic. 

And Martin has eldest daughter syndrome in canon, so...nothing major there would change whatsoever, at all, except probably his feelings of worthlessness and incompetence would feel different. A woman feeling incompetent can be a little bit different than a guy feeling incompetent. 

Jon and Martin are very ‘unmasculine’ characters and people, which I think is part of why people like them so much. I try do try to take into account masculinity and feminity when writing characters, but I always write Martin with absolutely no sense of masculinity, and Jon’s is much more complicated. I’m not really sure how Jonmartin would be different, although I’m sure they would be - I don’t spend too much time thinking about or writing Jonmartin as a relationship instead of a character dynamic, so I can’t think of anything off the top of my head.

TL;DR - Like with most (cis) genderbends, the actual story would be 80% the same, and most of the changes would be in the character dynamics.TMA is so refreshingly almost nongendered that the characterizations and the role of the characters would be basically unchanged. However, as with any kind of (cis) genderbending but especially for TMA, it would give a very different context and implication to a lot of the events in the story. There are very strong themes of violation, removal of agency, manipulation, and putting those onto a female Jon changes the context and would inevitably overlay a metaphor of gendered violence. 

Sorry, haha, you probably wanted me to talk more about Jonmartin and Martin! But Jon is a fascinating male lead because he occupies a deeply male AND female role in the story. He has lots of masculine traits, but male heroes are rarely treated like he is. 

And I’m doing very well. I’m taking it easy in writing so I’m going through this new story very slowly, and tbh I don’t really do fandm stuff unless I’m writing for it! The story I might work on after HR2 is a PJO fic, though! I’ve never been really good at watching TV, but I finally got around to reading Dr Faustus and I want to finish my new Beowulf translation, finish my Jeeves & Wooster book, and finally check out The Devil and the Dark Water by Stuart Turton! Thanks for the ask!