#damien hacks

[champaggin]

[djkerr]

Hacks BTS Season 4

📷 @roseabdoo IG

[warningsine]

[flibbertigibbety-jibber-jabber]

Me being silly with Emily because the world needs more of her <3

Inspired by this ask abt Damien doing a “background check” btw. And also her general cringe and free energy <3

REFERENCE vvv

[biblionerd07]

Okay so whatever they do next will involve Marcus coming back, right? PLEASE?

[idealuk]

And Season 3 of "Hacks"?

Why do so many actors who I adore want me to die on the day after my birth day?

I also haven't forgotten that, come midnight, I'll get to watch Colin and Eric Lange go head-to-head on "Sugar".

May 2nd might actually end me. The Idea Of You and Oliver and Ryan drinking real alcohol as Buck and Eddie weren't enough?

[millie-with-a-y]

once jason gets arrested as well, then the batkids decide to go all in. the next person to go get Duke is steph in a poorly-made Party City Spoiler costume

Duke meeting the JL but it goes wrong.

We've all heard about Jason getting apprehended by the JL because they don't know Red Hood isn't a villain. Now get ready for, Duke Thomas getting apprehended by the JL because they don't believe he's new and they don't believe he's part of the bat clan.

They just see this new vigilante in Gotham who's the only one that works the day shift, has not been seen with the batman in person (that they know of, bc they don't actually have a pair of good eyes in Gotham that isn't Bruce and Bruce ain't telling them shit.) with no history of being a Robin.

They draw their conclusions, realize that this must be a copycat and therefore dangerous towards other and himself and decide to bring him in, because Bruce is of world somewhere.

Duke just lets it happen, faintly complaining about racial profiling while he waits for the rest of the family to break into the watchtower and embarrass the fuck out of the justice league.

[charlietheepicwriter7]

Despite Danny's best efforts, no matter how much time past, Amity Park refused to see Phantom as a hero.

Sure, there were pockets of support, particularly among teens, but most of the town blames Phantom for the property damage, saying if he didn't fight the ghosts then it wouldn't be so bad, to that time he got mind controlled by Freakshow and "attacked" the mayor. It wears him down. It wears Tucker and Sam down. Jazz can only try to support them all.

Then one day, a member of the Justice League visits. Someone minor, and kinda a jerk... maybe a Wonder Twin? Zan? Whatever. They don't investigate; they don't look deeper. They listen to the town folks and declare the ghost hunters, Red Huntress and the Fentons, to be the official heroes of the town.

Worse? Danny Phantom is officially considered a villain to the Justice League. Tuck hacks into the Watchtower and confirms that they have a file (a heavily inaccurate file) about how to defeat Phantom.

Danny doesn't think he can do this anymore.

A few weeks later, a young villain escapes into Amity and demands (begs) that Danny help them escape from the hero after them. No idea who, I can't find a lot of info on teen villains in DC, so let's fudge some ages and make it Kyd Wyckyd from the Teen Titans cartoon. Danny agrees, because to hell with the Justice Losers, and they defeat the hero, becoming friends in the process. Kyd confesses that they became a villain after being ostracized bc of how they look, and they've been trying to avoid villain organizations because HIVE was abusive, but it's really hard to be a villain alone bc of all the heroes.

Sam gets an idea. Tucker agrees with the idea. Jazz is just happy they'll end up making friends.

The next day, the Teen Villain Alliance is formed, ready to assist with any teenage illegal shenanigans their allies might get into.

Some notes:

It's created to be a healthier option for teen "villains" to connect with others and support each other.

It's more important that this is for Teens rather than Villains. They're tired of adult villains taking advantage of them. The TVA would rather ally with a teen vigilante than with an adult villain.

Again, no idea who the teen villains are, but Klarion is definitely here. He leaves the Light for the chaos of the TVA. Maybe Ember is there too?

Timeline wise, this is around when Tim is still Robin, but Damien has arrived at Wayne Manor.

This is because, when it comes time to try to infiltrate the TVA, they'll have a convenient child-assassin who has none of the monitors of a teen hero that Phantom immediately picks up on.

Damien, who at this point has been abandoned by his mother, dismissed and scolded by his father, and has had no success at carving his own place in the family, jumps at the chance. He is then surrounded by peers who don't insult him or try to change his behavior (too much; jazz is trying to help him find healthier methods of expressing himself). He... might not want to continue being a spy.

Danny, Sam, Tuck, and Jazz are the founding members.

Danny reinvents himself as the High Prince of the Infinite, Prince Phantom Dark. He got kingship from fighting Pariah Dark, but since he's still alive, he's only a prince. He steals the last name Dark as an intimidation tatic against those in the know; only Danny would have the balls to claim family with Pariah.

Sam works as a powerless villain, but she might no be powerless? Either way, Danny gives her a bunch of repurposed Fenton tech, and she buys the rest with her parents credit card. She does NOT care if that's traced back to the Mansons. She would choose something goth, maybe something spider related or even bat?

I love Pharaoh Tucker, so I think he should get magic powers? Since pharaohs of old were considered the balance between the real and the divine. He's still a tech guy, now he's a tech and magic guy.

Jazz isn't really a villain, more of a team mom who's planning on using everyone's psyche's as her thesis paper. You know what, that's her callsign, she's Psyche. Sometimes she flirts with Nightwing.

[luludeluluramblings]

A meme for feral basis if I may:

*babies first kidnapping*

Criminals: "We have you're daughter now give us 12 million or she dies."

Bruce: *sweats* "WhIcH dAuGhTeR!?

Criminal 1: *describes feral mc whose actively biting through her restraints*

Bruce: Good luck! *laughs and hangs up*

Criminal 1: What the?! dang kid your dad must hate-

*notices they're gone*

Criminal 2: Where I'd she go?!

*They hear feral laughter from everywhere*

Criminal 3: She's in the walls. SHES IN THE WALLS!!

Mc: *Appears behind them like the undertaker* Boo!

Criminals: *horrified screams*

Actually this is baby's third kidnapping.

The first kidnapping Feral!Reader was on their best behavior. They had just moved to Gotham and the whole family had been pounding into their head that they needed to behave and show some decorum.

So Feral!Reader managed to keep all intrusive thoughts under control that one incident.

Bruce (and the rest of the family) freaked the fuck out. Their little abomination was kidnapped for ransom. They're monstrosity had some thugs holding a gun to their head.

Of course, Feral!Reader doesn't flinch or anything. They stay very mindful and demure.

After the whole incident, Feral!Reader does get grazed with a stray bullet. But, they were so excited that they did such a good job even if Bruce was in cardiac arrest from the possible close call.

Bruce makes the decision then and there that Feral!Reader is allowed to go ape shit ONLY when kidnapped.

Which leads us to the second kidnapping. Well, attempted. The idiots tried to kidnap Feral!Reader from a gala. High society has given Bruce so much space since.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

*Goons break into Gala to hold everyone hostage and steal shit*

*Villain of the week monologging *

*Bat Fam hidden in various locations around the Gala with com-links*

Bruce *hidding in a closet* : Who's on patrol tonight?

Barbara *in the BatCave* : Jason, but he's twenty minutes away.

Damian *Under one of the tables* : We can take them.

Stephanie *By the dessert table* : Not if we want people to ask questions.

Duke *back at the manor* : I can maybe swing it in fifteen if I use the Bat mobile.

Damian: Now who wants to drive it?

Tim *stuck with a group of investors getting their luxury watches stolen* : Shut up you two.

Jason *Driving on his motorcycle* : I'm on my way. Cass can be my backup.

Bruce: Good, we can manage until-

Dick *at a random table* : Feral!Reader vanished on me!

Stephanie: How did you lose them?!

Bruce: Does anyone have visual on them?

Damien: No, but I have a bad feeling.

Barbara: I'm pulling up security footage of the venue.

Jason: I'm booking it.

Duke: I'm heading to the Cave to suit up.

Tim: Wait, I think I saw them. Their by the buffet table.

*Feral!Reader ginning manically while they steal the fuel pots from the food warmers.*

Tim: Oh, that's not good.

Bruce: What's not good?

Tim: Babs, get the fire department on speed dial.

*Feral!Reader manged make a pipe bomb with a few things they found. Then used some random fabric they ripped from their clothing hog tie the villain and their goons.*

Villain: You little bitch!

Feral!Reader: Don't call bitch or you ain't gonna like what I do to you!

Villian: Do your worst, bitch!

Feral!Reader: Bet.

*Feral!Reader proceeds to procure a bottle of maple syrup and a fire ant farm before shoving both objects down the villains pants.*

Feral!Reader: My cousin once said that this was a good hack to make your dick bigger.

*Villain screaming.*

*Goons screaming cause the ants are getting on them too.*

*Gotham elite looking in horror.*

Bruce: ...

Bruce: Well, I'm sure this was just a one time incident.

*It was not.*

Tim: Someone needs to check on that cousin…

[typhoonquixol]

What do you mean they can see everything?

Tim: Jason. You have your tumblr profile set to public. People can see who you follow, and what you've liked.

Jason: No.

Tim: Yes.

Jason: So then everyone can see...?

Tim: Yes.

Jason: How many people know about my account.

Tim (smiling wickedly): Enough.

Jason: How to I make it private?

Tim: Why would I tell you that?

Jason glares at Tim with the hatred of a thousand suns.

Jason: Even if I deleted the account you'd recreate it by hand wouldn't you?

Tim: yep.

Jason, hands clasped together, leaning forward: I will pay you.

Tim: I could take over Wayne and Queen industries in a week if I wanted to, money doesn't matter to me.

Jason: Then what do you want?

Tim reaches behind the couch and picks up a black motorcycle helmet. He'd planned this interaction. Sonofa-

Jason: No.

Tim: no? Alright... Damien is going to love scrolling through so many-

Jason: FINE. Fine. Fine. You can use my bike.

Jason digs into one of his dozen breast pockets, pulls out his keys, and tosses it to Tim.

Tim: Cool. I'll give it back Friday night after I take Bernard out. You have until then to delete the account or set it to private.

Jason: Can't you just... hack the likes away?

Tim: That many? Not a chance. So either suck it up or delete it.

Tim walks away, satisfied and looking forward to driving the infamous Red Hoods bike into a brick wall.

Jason watches him go with pure hatred and respect. He opens his phone and checks. Sure enough he can see other peoples likes. He flicks back to his page and scrolls through his likes. 10,000 in just one month. How long had he stared at his phone on patrol?

He was never going to understand technology again was he...

Tim walks Bernard out of his apartment, promising him something really special. They finally get outside to the curb and Tim dramatically points to... nothing.

Bernard: Uh, cool. So are we walking to the surprise?

Tim: I left it right there what hap- I need to check Tumblr.

Bernard: Tumblr?

Tim: Yes.

Tim opens his phone and looks at Jason's page. He's posted a photo of himself driving in the middle of the street laughing like a maniac.

It is then followed by re-posts of several cutesy photos of animals hugging each other. Specifically of wolfs curled around their cubs, carrying them by their scruffs, and so on. Damian has already commented on seventeen, demanding why Todd would hide this from him.

Tim: That petty little...

Bernard: So what was the plan?

Tim: I blackmailed my brother into giving me his bike but he chose to expose the himself rather than let me use it.

Bernard: You mean that brother?

The six foot tall brick house that is Jason Todd appears behind Tim and slaps his brothers shoulder.

Jason: I said you could use my bike little bro. Not which one.

Jason sweeps his arm towards a vintage 1983 Honda Shadow he'd parked a few spots down.

Tim: Your kidding.

Jason: I'm not

Jason, leaning in closely to whisper: Because I know you wouldn't dare crash this one.

Jason, loudly chuckling: Have fun on your date. See you Bernard

Bernard: See you Jay.

Jason walks off cackling. He gets a ping on his phone. It's Grayson.

Grayson: Why didn't you tell me you liked wolves??? I could have been sending you wolf memes daily.

This is then followed by a tidal wave of adorable wolves.

Grayson: See? See i can give you memes. Jason let me make you happy!!!

Jason already regrets his decision.

[queenie-ofthe-void]

Why do I feel like I haven't gotten enough background for Hardison?

We know Sophie might be/probably is royalty, has a series of identities and old lovers that show up throughout the show.

Eliot used to work for Damien Moreau, that his dad owned a hardware store, he almost married into a rancher family, and trained as a professional chef.

Parker's Dad was also a thief but decided to abandon her so she could 'learn on her own' when he actually just wanted to start a new family. She was in and out of foster care, raised herself on the street, and lost someone she loved.

Nate's backstory is literally seasons 1-3.

But Hardison?? He's hacker who loves gaming. He has a nemesis named Chaos. None of that is his past. The only thing the show has told us is that he also grew up in the foster system and started hacking as a kid.

[warningsine]

[galaxymagitech]

So i too want to play with bat thematic

For the anti-honesty ask game, can you tell me about batman's children?

Of course! Batman (who has taken on the legal identity of Moose Wayne—no one expects the man named after a moose to be Batman!) has many children, but only three of them are legally his.

Barbara Gordón is Batman's only biological child, conceived during Captain Gordón's affair with Batman. Batman and Captain Gordón fell in love when Batman, still somewhat feral from being raised by bats, bit Gordón. Gordón then made a joke that neither of them can remember, but they both swear was hilarious. For the first time in his life, Batman laughed. He briefly became the Batman Who Laughs and traveled the multiverse, but Gordón cured him and they got married (and then later divorced). Barbara is a technophobe and likes to live in the rafters of libraries, hanging upside down like her Bat father does.

Stephanie Purple is Batman's adopted child. She is a metahuman with the power to spoil any milk—which is where she gets her vigilante name, Spoiler. When Steph was younger, she didn't have control over her powers. She constantly spoiled all the milk in the house, so her father gave her up for adoption. Bruce, being lactose intolerant, adopted her and inducted her into his bat cult.

Wayne Thomas is a kid that Batman adopted because he needed a normal kid to round all the insanity out. Wayne Thomas is Very Normal and would never jump off a bridge. He is constantly horrified by his legal and emotional siblings' antics.

Batman also has many children that are emotionally his, but not legally:

Ric Gayson, also known as Robin, was raised by robins. One day, while the robins were migrating through Gotham, a parliament of owls (one of robins' natural predators) came by and ate the entire flock of Robins. Ric Gayson swore eternal revenge on owls. Moose Wayne also hated owls because they are bats' natural predators as well, so they worked together to rid Gotham of owls. When that was done, he emancipated himself, because he ended up hating Moose Wayne for trying to make him shed his mantle of Robin and become Batboy.

Todd Jason Peters was raised in Gotham High Society. He is terrified of cars, because they go very fast. He is also terrified of bats. Batman keeps trying to kidnap adopt him as a replacement for Ric, and Todd Peters uses his immense wealth to take on various false identities, all of which Batman finds with his amazing intellect. His nemesis is Jimothy Drake, who uses his computer skills to help Batman crack Todd Peters' false identities.

Jimothy Drake was raised by ducks. His parents left him to take care of the house alone at age three, because three is Very Mature and Practically an Adult. Tim wandered into a duckpond and nearly drowned, but the ducks saved him and raised him as one of their own. But because he is a genius, he magically developed a working knowledge of English and hacked into the pentagon with a computer made of mud at age 7. He is obsessed with Todd Peters and blackmails Batman into letting him help track Todd Peters down.

Damien al Ghoul is the sweetest cinnamon roll who would never hurt a fly and hates violence with his whole soul. This is at odds with his ecoterrorist family, so he leaves with a tearful goodbye and a declaration that he will save the Earth through peaceful means. Jimothy Drake, who wants to save the ducks from catastrophic global climate change, is Damien's BFF. And since Damien is BFFs with Jimothy and Batman wants to adopt Jimothy, Damien is Batman's emotional child.

Cass Kane is Batman's niece from Canada who was also raised by bats. Unlike Batman, though, she was raised by vampire bats. Batman constantly has to hold Cass back from killing people and drinking their blood. She speaks English and French fluently, and is in fact a debate champion. She has magic empathy powers and an emotional IQ of 190.

[xoxoskai]

RKVERSE BRATVA HEADCANNONS

that no one really asked for, but everyone needs<3

Damien Orlov is Nikolai Sokolov's Godfather.

The one-slightly related to the mafia- kid that all the second-generation mafia kids are scared respect is Sebastian and Naomi's firstborn (I said what I said)

In the Morozov household, all arguments are solved through uno.

Ironically, the one with the best accuracy while firing a gun is the one with the least bloodlust in him, Gareth.

Annika is closest to Lidiya Morozova and the Orlov Princess.

Naomi and Sebastian are Gareth Carson's Godparents.

Adrian tries to homeschool his kids, but it backfires when neither of his kids let him work in peace as a sign of protest. He reluctantly lets them attend a private school with an army of bodyguards.

Kai Takeda becomes the next head of the Yakuza.

Vaughn is very good at playing video games to the point that he gets invited to play at events.

Maya and Gareth are the best at cheating while playing any kinds of board games and often defeat the rest (Killian loses because he's in a team with Nikolai who gets bored midway and tries to sabotage the game instead).

Damien is good at cooking while Kirill has a hidden talent for baking. Adrian finds the prospect of both of them wearing aprons funny until he is put on duty for washing the dishes. Wearing his daughter's purple, floral apron.

Jeremy becomes really good at lip-reading while he's trying to figure out what his parents are talking about over his head and as an adult, he's desperately trying to lose the habit around them.

The one who taught all the boys to drive a bike is Mio Orlov.

She also taught Sasha who nearly gives the Pakhan of the Bratva a heart attack when she figures out how to do wheelies with Rai cheering her on.

Kyle Hunter is exceptionally good at hide and seek and the kids could never find him whenever the Sokolovs were hosting sleepovers.

Annika has knocked endlessly and tirelessly on Adrian's office door till he let her in so she could demonstrate her pirouette the first time she had perfectly done it (Adrian had made Yan, Kolya and Boris give her a standing ovation).

Rai Sokolov is everyone's go-to Aunt for anything their own parents aren't letting them do. Asher and Reina won't send their sons to another continent for college? Enrolls her own son to go with them. The girls want to go to a concert? Sends an army of disguised bodyguards with them. One of the kids is drunk and needs to be picked up? She's already buckling into her car.

Adrian and Lia are Vaughn's Godparents.

Mia Sokolov starts giving plants as birthday presents and nearly makes Kirill and Damien bust a lung from laughter when she gives Adrian a cactus.

Karina Morozova has the reputation for giving the most bizarre gifts that the kids end up loving. Rents out an entire theater for Annika's birthday party. Buys all the game-machines in an arcade for Vaughn. Tells Maya they are going shopping for her birthday and flies her to Paris for it. Sees Jeremy reading bl when he's home from college one time and buys him an entire boxful of yaoi comics with a "I dog earmarked some of my favorites" note. She's extra that way and they all love it.

Damien, Adrian, Kyle and Kirill also have a group chat that Adrian has tried leaving multiple times. When Annika and Mia get boyfriends, Damien is laughing so hard at their predicament that Adrian reveals his daughter's secret relationship with the Pakhan's eldest son and then leaves the group. Again.

Lidiya Morozova becomes the first woman Pakhan after her uncle dares anyone to oppose her crowning with her getting backed up by four of the strongest Bratva families.

Vaughn and Kirill bond over making castles out of playing cards. They've spent lots of days, sitting cross-legged on the floor and stacking one card after another, using multiple decks. It's how he discovers his love for architecture.

Maya Sokolov is a natural at coding and hacking, but she finds it boring and even refuses Adrian's attempt to teach her to hone her skills.

Kyle is really good at magic tricks. Almost all the kids (minus natural cheaters, Maya and Gareth) fall for it even though some of them don't want to (Jeremy and Killian, they know it's a trick, but they can't prove it).

Naomi is not approving of Damien until she actually talks to him and realizes he's just a bakayaro.

Mia Sokolov is really good at escape rooms while Nikolai spends half the time going "That was a clue?"

Ilya Levitsky is only accepted into the family after he goes through extensive torture and lives on to say, "You can't keep me from her". He wins Kyle's respect with that.

Lia discovers that she's really good at drinking games when she's having a girl's night out with Sasha, Mio and Rai. She can throw darts with her eyes blindfolded.

The Volkovs have movie nights on Thursdays where the movies are decided based on a game of jenga. Annika swears she's not shaking the table (she is).

The Morozovs host the best sleepovers. We're talking Princess Diaries level of sleepovers with mattress surfing, vending and claw machines in the house and treasure hunts across the entire property.

The Orlovs are the best at throwing parties and love any occasion to do so. Cherry blossoms are blooming? Throw a party. His daughter got an A on her dictation? Throw a party. Someone bumped into Damien and he didn't kill them? Throw. A. Party.

The Carsons are the best at pretending they have no ties to the Bratva. You saw an army of bodyguards leaving their house? Must be the new interns Asher is hiring. Their oldest nephew has tattoos at the age of 11? But he loves drawings. Reina's twin is AWOL the whole time? She's just shy.

The Weavers are horrible at pretending they aren't related into some shady business.

The Sokolovs' house is synonymous with a common playground. Especially after Mia's kidnapping. If she's scared to go out and meet anyone else, ofcourse the rest of them are gonna come over at all times and spend time with her, it's only natural.

_______________

Don't even wanna promise a part two when I know I never commit but here's to hoping?

[xvazx]

The Beauty of Our Chaos

Part 9.1 - Princess Tea Party

Prev. Part / Next Part

The fake wedding was creeping up like a final destination jumpscare—but with flower arrangements. In the meantime, my “thing” with Luigi had turned into a game of tension. It was in the way we held each other’s gaze for too long. The way his hand would brush my thigh “accidentally” in class. The way I’d pull on his curls just to get his attention, and how he’d always show up with my favorite overpriced iced coffee before class.

It is was a flirty, slow-burn, torturous situation that made you question your own sanity.

We were holed up in the library, working on a new project—fixing glitches in a simple video game. I was knee-deep in code that refused to cooperate, while Luigi, across from me, breezed through his like it was child’s play.

“Need some help?” he asked, glancing at my screen and clearly holding back a grin.

I sighed and cracked my neck. “I think I got it.”

After a pause, he added, “If I could do this for a living, I would. Helping in development. Something I can lose myself in and still be useful— it wouldn’t feel like work, y’know?”

I glanced up and saw it—this rare moment where he looked truly happy. Focused. Lit from within. The kind of look that made your heart stutter for a second too long.

“Yeah.”

“You have a favorite game?” he asked, tone lighter now.

“Um, Just Dance.” I shrugged.

He tried not to laugh, but failed. “C’mon”

“What? I’m really good,” I said defensively. “Alright… maybe… Until Dawn. I used to watch gameplays.”

He perked up. “Okay, that’s a good answer.”

“I never really played that much,” I admitted. “Gaming stressed me out. Actually, I broke my DS in a fit of rage while playing Super Mario, goodbye to consoles. And my PC was strictly for homework.”

“Tragic.” He chuckled and leaned back, arms crossed. “So… do you know what you want to do after all this?”

I smirked. “Probably hack the Pentagon.” (i’m joking fbi)

He rolled his eyes. “Of course you will.”

“Ok. Fake answer: IT for the family business,” I said, growing a little more serious. “Real answer? I’d love to be like Benji Dunn or Penelope Garcia. You know, tech-analysts for something reckoning.”

He stared at me. I waited for a smirk or a sarcastic “good luck” or something condescending.

Instead, he said, soft and sure: “Well, any organization would be lucky to have you.”

The compliment knocked the air out of my lungs. I tried to play it cool, but I felt my cheeks warm. Gross.

Before either of us could say something deeply regrettable, Damien’s voice echoed from behind the bookshelf.

“I’m here. You two better be dressed.”

We looked up to see him strutting in like he owned the place. After weeks, his foot was fully healed.

“We thought you bailed.”

“Almost did,” Damien said, sitting down with his usual grin. “Fell asleep in my last class, but I brought snacks.”

He dumped a plastic bag onto the table like it was treasure.

“¿Te he dicho cuanto te quiero?” I asked dramatically, snatching the Cool Ranch Doritos like a raccoon. (Have I told you how much you mean to me?)

“Esta es la biblioteca,” he replied in mock confusion, making a show of not understanding my Spanish. (This is the library.)

I was just finishing up when my phone buzzed.

💅🏻Georgina💅🏻

‘Are you with Luigi?’

‘Why?’

‘Missy is gonna call him at any minute🫣’

I groaned. “We’re in trouble.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What kind?”

Right on cue, Luigj’s phone buzzed. He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose like he was bracing for battle.

“Hello… yeah, I remember. I’ll be there after finishing Professor Levy’s project… okay, I’ll tell her. Yup. Bye.”

He hung up and turned to me with a weary look.

“Oh no…you’ll die in 7 days?” Damien covered his mouth pretending to cry.

“We’re late for her fancy dinner with the foundation president. No party—just overcooked chicken and uncomfortable small talk.” I explained as I saved my project file and closed my laptop.

We packed up and started heading out.

“Dinner?” Damien said, horrified. “At least you girls are getting some action, right?”

“Nope.”

Damien shook his head. “That is… shitty. You should crash Linguini’s fake bachelor party. We’re doing it old school…strip club”

Classic

“It does sounds better than a princess tea party,” I joked, adjusting my bag.

Damien held the door open like a gentleman. “We can squeeze you in.”

When the boys dropped me off at the Delta Nu porch, inside, I peeled off my jacket and headed toward the kitchen, “So… the guys are going to a strip club. Meanwhile, Missy’s trying to turn this Greek Life fundraiser into a full-on Royal Wedding.”

I followed Kaylee voice. “We have high GPAs, we deserve some chaos.”

“I need this to be over so I can actually study for finals,” I muttered, undoing my ponytail.

“No,” Mariel said, giving me a once-over like she was diagnosing something terminal. “You need to get laid.”

“Projecting much?”

“You’ve been spending an awful lot of time with certain someone,” Kaylee teased. “At this point, you’re secretly dating.”

“When did socializing turned into a synonym for dating?” I asked, genuinely annoyed—but even I didn’t believe my own defense.

Mariel raised an eyebrow. “Since you made out in front of the whole college alumni. Or maybe after you two disappeared at the Halloween party?”

Check mate.

“You two watch too many rom-coms” I said.

Both of them stared at me like they didn’t buy it for a second.

TEA TIME

Thirty minutes later and I was dressed in a tailored blazer and shorts set, with sky-high heels that screamed I meant business. Or at least dinner diplomacy. I headed downstairs to help Georgina set the dinner table and wait for the president of Once Upon a Dream Foundation

At 6:30 pm sharp, the Phi Kappa Psi boys started to arrive one by one—shockingly clean and even more shockingly well-dressed.

Damien strutted in like he belonged on a Versace runway. “Ladies, take your pictures now. You’ll need them to show your future daughters how hot I am.”

“I’ll take a picture,” Kaylee said dryly, “so historians can document the downfall of civilization.”

“You’re so sweet, baby,” Damien winked.

Then he walked in—the fake groom. Clean-shaven, tailored suit, smelling delicious.

Oh wow

“Hi,” I said, playing it cool.

“Hi,” he said back, looking at me like I was the only person in the room.

“Ready to play Barbie and Ken?”

“God, no,” he muttered.

Cue the entrance of the devil herself in designer heels.

“Lu, you’re finally here,” Missy cooed, swaying toward him with perfect posture. “Mr and Mrs. Jablonsky will be here any minute.”

“And he’s never coming back,” I said out loud.

“He better be,” Damien added. “The reservation wasn’t cheap.”

As if on cue, the president of Once Upon a Dream arrived with his elegant wife. Polite greetings were exchanged, and our house’s mother and father went into full PR mode, gushing about our community involvement and “tight organizational structure,” which honestly felt like a sugar coated version of .

We migrated to the dining table. I tried to escape toward the back with Kaylee and Mariel, but—

“(Y/N), come here” Missy gestured to the seat next to her. “Georgina, move down.”

Georgina looked crushed but obeyed. I gave her a subtle sorry look before sitting.

“To what do I owe the honor?” I inquired sarcastically, already bracing myself.

“I was just talking about how you basically organized this whole event,” Luigi said, casually tossing me a compliment like it was no big deal.

I blinked. “I helped where I could.”

The president raised his glass. “That’s the kind of leadership we love to see.”

“And that’s why she’s my maid—I mean my fake maid of honor,” Missy added, barely hiding her dig.

Luigi brushed past her, undeterred. “Seriously, it’s kind of impressive. She keeps her GPA immaculate, runs multiple events, and still shows up to class without looking hungover.”

“Migraine pills and coffee,” I said. Some people laughed.

“Good for you,” Missy said with the sweetness of poison.

We made it halfway through dessert.

Boring, boring and more boring.

Then I felt something on my leg. It started with a gentle nudge under the table. I flinched.

I looked under the table, then to the owner of that foot. He grinned at me. I kicked him back.

He gasped quietly, exaggerating his expression as if my kick shattered a bone, then used his leg to push mine sideways. I retaliated with a quick jab of my heel to his thigh—playfully, but with intent.

He flinched for real.

Game on.

He leaned back to get a better angle, clearly preparing to kick. I shifted—only to knock my own chair backward.

And down I went.

“Puta madre!” I spat out not so lady-like. (Fuck!)

A gasp rippled through the table.

Georgina covered her mouth to stifle a laugh, then offered me a hand. Missy looked like she wanted to choke me. Mrs. Jablonsky whispered something that sounded vaguely like “oh dear.”

I jumped to my feet, brushing off my outfit like nothing happened. “Woo! These chairs are sneaky!”

Luigi mouthed an honest I’m sorry while clearly trying not to burst out laughing.

I sat back down, face flushed and shooting daggers with my eyes towards his direction.

I’m gonna get you pretty boy.

…

Time passed and Mariel, Kaylee, and I leaned against the counter, arms crossed and unimpressed. The boys found us, talking loudly over each other about the plans for later that night.

“They get to party,” Kaylee complained. “And we are stuck with light Rosé”

“We’re too hot for this,” Mariel muttered. “I want tequila and bad decisions.”

I sighed.

Damien smirked and turned to Luigi. “The club reservation is for over ten people. We could… bring them?”

Luigi raised an eyebrow. “You want to sneak girls into a men-only strip club?”

“What if we… went as men?” I suggested with a sly grin.

“Like She’s the Man type of thing?” Mariel grinned back, catching on instantly.

Luigi’s eyes lit up. “I mean… Bryan has hoodies that could fit you guys.”

“He’s tiny.” Damien added.

“We’d need to sneak out without alerting Missy though,” Kaylee warned.

Let’s kill her.

Just kidding.

We devised the plan in a flurry of texts and half-whispers. The boys would go grab clothes and the cars. Meanwhile, we’d change, grab sneakers, and stage a perfect little heist exit.

I darted into the pantry to trigger a “distraction”, but bumped into someone already crying inside—Georgina.

Her mascara was smudged and she wiped her eyes quickly, embarrassed. “Sorry—it’s stupid. I just thought… I’d be Missy’s fake maid of honor. I’ve known her since freshman year rush day.”

“She’s just saying that to get under my skin,” I told her gently. “But honestly? You deserve better. And for what it’s worth… you would make an amazing maid of honor.”

She gave a weak shrug, lips pressed tightly together.

Missy can shove her Rose up her…

I texted Kaylee to grab an extra pair of sneakers and turned back to Georgina. “Want to escape this nightmare?”

“I mean… my feet are killing me.”

Just then, a text

🤓Luigicito🤓

‘We’re outside.’

“Perfect timing,” I said. I turned on my phone flashlight, opened the fuse box, and flipped the main switch.

Lights off.

Darkness swallowed the entire house.

I grabbed Georgina’s hand. “I’m kidnapping you.”

“Huh?”

“No time!” I yanked her out the pantry and we dashed through the hallway. Screams exploded from the dinning room—girls scrambling, phones lighting up, Missy’s voice piercing the air like a police siren.

Let’s rock this bitch.

@nosebeers @mrs-cactus69

hi i’m Vaz, this was just a product of my active imagination, free time and the need for a better outcome. Hope u enjoy xxx

The witch is back… wow that was a journey.

Imma divide this one in two parts, cuz it was getting kinda long 😬. It’ll post it later.

Oh and the best wishes to the birthday boy. I tried to post it yesterday but got caught up with work. Anyway, I hope he had a decent birthday. A girl can dream 🥺

[lesbianologist]

i can’t say it enough—hacks is so fucking loudly and proudly gay that i don’t think they’ll avoid the risk of demonstrating that deborah is sapphic just due to an age gap.

here’s why (under the cut):

hacks is queer at its core—not just in characters, but in the way it frames power, intimacy, and longing. marcus, damien, ava: canonically queer. kiki, jimmy, deborah: unmistakably coded. we get age gaps (deborah and the bar guy), kink and queerness (ava and the piss kink republican), a kiss between deb and ava in s2—charged, complicated, unspoken. desire simmers under everything. relationships blur and re-form. queerness isn’t a subplot. it’s the structure, the subtext, the language. it’s what the show is.

i’m sure there are more examples, but the simple fact of the matter is that hacks is about that—about queerness not just as identity, but as a lens through which relationships are viewed, fractured, remade. it’s about the messiness of desire, power, vulnerability, and how none of those things ever sit neatly in binaries. it’s a show that has always challenged what intimacy looks like—professional, romantic, sexual, blurred—and how those lines aren’t just crossed but danced on. it is deeply queer in its bones, even when it’s not waving a pride flag about it.

hacks is queer at its core—not just in characters, but in the way it frames power, intimacy, and longing. it’s a queer story in form and function, and it doesn’t just include queerness—it is about it. and that’s so incredibly profound because it refuses the tidy, sanitized version of queerness we’re so often given. instead, it leans into contradiction: the closeness that chafes, the love that wounds, the desire that can’t be named. it makes space for queerness as tension, as yearning, as survival. it shows us that to be queer is not only to live differently, but to feel differently—to blur the lines, to rewrite the script, to find home in what doesn’t fit.

so do i think they’re gonna make avorah endgame? i do. i think hannah’s comments about it not happening are to throw people off like the folks making killing eve did.