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caligvlasaqvarivm · 7 months

Note

what are your thoughts on the ministrife situation? imo literally the worst fate for eridan to be damned to tbh

i think he will eventually (after <5 minutes) just shoot cronus and leave. (CW for mentions of abuse and cronus's romantic grossness and stuff under the cut).

Ignoring the extremely creepy and gross fact that Hussie doesn't seem to have a problem with the age gap (it's There, we've acknowledged that it's creepy and weird, i personally think it highlights how immature the dancestors are despite their physical age, and it actually serves to hint at how trash they are, but it's still really uncomfortable in the moment and never gets properly called out. In any case we've talked about it critically, we can move on and talk about characterization now), he and cronus are actually kind of polar opposites. Given that Cronus, along with many of the dancestors, are riffing on what the fandom interpretation of their Alternian counterparts are, it's kind of a fascinating look at all the things Eridan ISN'T.

The fandom (especially at the time) had flattened Eridan down to "overdramatic Nice Guy hipster who won't stop hitting on people," with varying degrees of sympathy. In other words, they took all of Eridan's outward presentation - the narration calling his genuine anxiety and distress "overblown emotional theatrics," the fact that his being rejected was a running gag - entirely at face value, while also missing what sort of archetype he was actually supposed to represent.

At no point does Eridan ever actually mention a hipster interest, like vintage clothes or indie media. It's all entirely in his design and Karkat calling him a hipster (it's not even in his character introduction), so presumably, it IS a part of his character (Karkat knows him really well), but it's probably a part he keeps to himself, like his love of wizards.

Moreover, he isn't really a Nice Guy. The closest he gets is thinking Nepeta owes him a chance for saving her life, but as far as we can tell, he only ever asked her once, got rejected, accepted that rejection, and has never taken out that rejection on her. When he complains about it, he frames it as a bitter "I guess what I did wasn't enough," not "she's an unreasonable witch withholding romance from me even though I'm so nice to her." All other romance attempts are crimes of... just being way too forward.

He bursts into Kanaya's DMs demanding she auspicetisize with Vriska because... that's what she likes to do, right? The same happens to Terezi in [S] Karkat: Wake Up. He comes on strong in Rose's DMs and after getting a little annoyance back, goes "wow, we kinda have something," and does not realize her blowing up his computer is a rejection because she didn't explicitly tell him no and he's a dumbass. And even though he's nasty at Sollux because emotionally, he's still bitter about Sollux "stealing" Feferi from him, at least CONSCIOUSLY he's recognized the rejection on both fronts and has repeatedly told Feferi that he has no more interest in getting back together with her, in spite of her recognizing that he's emotionally not over her. And speaking of Feferi, his confession to her is entirely genuine and respectful toward her feelings. At no point does he indicate that he feels like she owes him a date.

These aren't Nice Guy actions, they're "I have 0 social skills or self-awareness" actions. And also a little bit "due to my trauma and anxiety and desensitization to murder, I struggle to care about other people" actions. He's not even actually casteist or genocidal - I spent an entire essay arguing that.

But regardless, that's what the fandom ran with, in large part because they didn't bother reading between the lines. Ironically, like Eridan, they just believed what he told them. I don't even necessarily blame the fandom - at least part of this obfuscation was intentional, and a clever trick on the part of the writing. By highlighting Eridan at his worst, and having the narration be complicit in his self-delusion and mockery, the story is able to put the audience in the same mindset as his in-universe bullies - Eridan is dumb weirdo whose emotional problems are worthy of ridicule, not sympathy. Let's all point and laugh!

This sets up his meltdown to be more of a twist - even though his literal introduction is him killing something and talking about genocide, the very real danger he poses is forgotten both by the audience and the other characters because they've gotten so used to dismissing his feelings that they ignore his cries for help and the warning signals he gives off. And it makes his character more relevant and meaningful, because this happens in real life all the time - I'm sure we either all either knew, or were, the friendless weirdo at school who, upon reflection, definitely had either some bad shit going on at home or severe and untreated mental illness (or both).

The reason I'm bringing up this fandom misinterpretation is because, like a couple other dancestors, Cronus is very much a riff on the fanon version of his Alternian counterpart. Unlike Eridan, who's not actually casteist, but desperately trying to act the part, Cronus IS a casteist sea dweller who thinks he's better than lowbloods and land dwellers. Unlike Eridan, who seeks emotional connections with others, and accepts rejections, Cronus is only looking for some action, and keeps trying even well after he knows he's been rejected. Unlike Eridan, who's so consumed by anxiety and trauma that he's pretty much unable to function properly, Cronus DOES exaggerate his problems and explicitly leverage them for attention and sympathy. And unlike Eridan, who feels crushed under the weight of duty and responsibility, and tends to blame himself when things go wrong, Cronus refuses to take responsibility for anything, immediately blaming anybody BUT himself.

They're practically exact opposites, and this is, again, a clever trick on the part of the writing. It's an excellent usage of a foil: though superficially similar, the differences between these two really serves to highlight just how much Eridan is NOT the things that Cronus IS.

And it's especially interesting given that Eridan spent his entire life trying to emulate Dualscar, to the point of modeling his outfit after the guy. To him, it was not only his duty, but his inevitable fate, to wind up as Dualscar's successor. And when he finally meets the guy in person, his opinion is "even I think you're trash."

If that isn't a form of rejecting the values his society has told him repeatedly that he has to uphold, maybe in the service of perhaps setting up some sort of redemption arc or something, I don't know what is.

I've seen people point to this moment as kind of a hee haw funny one-off joke, look at how little Hussie cares about Eridan, but that's not what it is to me. You don't really need to say anything more about their relationship to each other. Eridan thinks Cronus (and by extension, everything Cronus stands for - and everything Eridan has tried to be) is garbage, but is lonely and friendless and desperate enough that he feels pushed into accepting it anyway. It's extremely consistent with his characterization and character arc.

So uh, yeah. Join me next time for more deep dives on how this funny innocuous thing in Homestuck actually Means Something.

#homestuck #eridan ampora

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mochiimadness · 8 months

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hi! i really like your works, so i'd like to request a ( sort of angsty ) scenario where the rottmnt boys react to their s/o losing their memories after getting injured from a bad guy fight, so they completely forget who the boys are

Hello! I want to preface this by saying: this is mostly from their POV, so their thoughts are very much self-blaming, even if what they think is not at all the case!

Slightly angsty, filled with self blame and anxiety.

Rottmnt x S/O who loses their memories after a fight

Neon Leon

Leo feels the weight of this horrible situation crush him like a fallen building.

If only he had just been a little faster- or planned ahead better

Maybe if he had been more serious about his s/o and their safety this never would have happened.

He’s in shock at first when you flinch away from him

Whether or not you were genuinely scared or just shocked at seeing a mutant ninja turtle-

It hurts him all the same because of one thing

The genuine confusion on your face-

No trace of recognition in your gaze

He shuts down for a few moments as his brothers try to figure out what they can do to help

The ringing in his ears grow loud until the high pitch whine is all he can hear

He can’t even see you nor his family in front of him anymore- everything far too blurry

Just vague shapes and blobs of color…

Distorted and unrecognizable

Is that how his s/o saw him??

All he can think is;

He should have gotten to you quicker

He couldn’t even portal to you because he didn’t know where you were.

It’s his fault that you don’t remember him,

The life you two have life together,

All the laughter you shared,

Just gone… like it never existed…

…

He should’ve been better.

Don Tron

Donnie’s already trying to scan his s/o and check for any injuries the second he finds them

What could’ve caused their condition??

Blunt force trauma to the head?

Mystical memory wipe??

What’s ever caused it, he’s going to find it

And he will not rest until he can reverse this.

Absolutely could not handle your reaction to him-

Not knowing who he is,

Not knowing all the wonderful progress you two made together,

Helping him with his experiments and machinery,

Getting comfortable with prolonged touch,

The late night rambles-

Immediately started murmuring the statistics of regaining your memory under his breath

You had to get their memory back- you absolutely had to.

Statistics be damned- he’s making sure it’s a 100% chance.

There’s anxiety gnawing away at him slowly from the inside,

Creeping and burning like static in his bones.

Not even the numerous photos he has of the both of you are helping- maybe it’s just too soon

You did just wake up after all… but why-

Why couldn’t he have prevented this?

All of his fail safes,

The numerous emergency alert devices he gave you,

He weapon he had specifically designed to be easy to conceal and have on you at all times,

Even his GPS tracker-

None of them had worked to keep you safe…

He failed, and this was worse than any experiment exploding in his face.

He failed you and now you have no idea about just how close you two actually are

…

He will fix this- there’s no room for error this time.

Mystic Mike

Mikey’s on the verge of waking up the person who was cruel enough to harm you this badly- just so he could beat them up again.

They hurt you- hurt you so bad you can’t even remember his name

Let alone everything you two have been through together

Mikey feels rage

At the situation,

At the villains who did this,

And at himself-

Why hadn’t he been strong enough to stop this?

He can throw buses, skyscrapers even,

He can maneuver his way around places with ease with his razzmatazz mastery

But what was all that strength and skill for if none of it could help you?

He’s frustrated enough to cry

But he’s also the quickest to compose himself

Several deep breaths in and out before he's able to pull himself together enough to crouch down beside his beloved s/o

Gently reassures you that he means no harm,

That you were in a bad fight and letting you slowly collect yourself.

He also uses photos- but rather than doing this to specifically try to jog his s/o's memories,

It's more to show them that they actually do know him-

Trying to get your memories back can wait for later,

His main focus is making sure his s/o is calm and comfortable around him- at least enough to trust that he won't harm them.

Once you feel that they can trust him- even if only a little bit,

He'll take you home and make sure you're alright physically.

Later on, he sneaks off quietly to the gym area

Demolishes the punching bag they had-

All of his worries and frustrations are taken out with every punch

Would you ever remember him?

If you never regained your memories, is there any chance you two would ever have the relationship you once had again??

They're going to need more punching bags,

All the extra ones are destroyed too.

His family is worried, but Mikey is only focused on two things;

Helping you remember him and getting revenge for you.

He will make sure this won't ever happen again.

Big Red

What do you mean you don't remember him??

You're his s/o!

His partner!

Surely you must be playing a prank or something-

He is in complete denial at first,

Then, as his family explains that no-

You aren't joking,

You genuinely don't remember him,

His denial shatters into gut wrenching dispair.

How did this happen-

Why did this happen?!

...

This was all his fault.

Why wasn't he there for you when you needed him??

He's suppose to be able to protect those who he cares about

Especially his beloved s/o

Yet he failed

He wasn't there,

He wasn't able to help you, to stop you from ever being hurt this badly

And now you can’t remember a single thing about him, your relationship together, nothing.

RAPH is still able to move and check on you-

Though, it’s more like hovering worriedly while Donnie and Leo do their best to patch you up

He is watching like a hawk, making sure that you’re in no additional discomfort or pain

Once you’re clear enough to be able to go home though

Raph is stressing

If you leave now you could get hurt again!

But he doesn’t want to scare you off by being too overbearing

Especially if he wants any chance of you remembering him-

He can’t cause you to feel uncomfortable around him- or worse

Frightened.

He’s able to stop his anxiety fueled spiral before it consumes him

Focusing on making you’re you get home safely

Even if you decline having him walk with you-

He’ll make sure to follow stealthily from a distance

Once he’s certain you’re absolutely safe and sound

He’s pacing around the lair and pulling at his mask

What if you don’t remember him?

Donnie said you likely just had “mild amnesia” but what if it was worse?!

There’s a chance you’ll never be able to remember him-

And it’s all his fault…

He couldn’t protect you

It all boils down to one simple fact ringing in his head:

He wasn’t there

…

He’ll make sure he’s always there

He will be there for you.

Hello, I hope you enjoyed

Also for those who may not have watched ROTTMNT- Mikey is shown to be a little angry ball of revenge at times, while Raph is shown to be full of anxiety and mother-henning™️

So they may seem a little ooc compared to other versions of them!

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itsjustmylifeconfessions · 2 years

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I loved episode 6 for so many reasons (Pedro your Emmy nomination is secured!) but two things really caught my attention while watching the episode and seeing people reacting to it (on YouTube, twitter, here...)

The amount of male reactors that didn't know what a menstrual cup was, and even thought it was some sort of birth control, shouldn't have been surprising to me but damn y'all really don't know anything do you?

One video I watched they were saying Maria was trying to control Ellie, by giving her birth control and cutting her hair against her will. They did not think Maria was being genuinely helpful at all.

Now let me tell you, as a woman, I would have helped another woman with everything she needs immediately. We have a shower, let me get you a nice soap. Need period products? I got you. I have scissors do you need a haircut? Let me get you clean underwear, do you need a bra? Here have a hair tie.

When Ellie found the tampons in ep 4 that made me so happy, then this happens and this display of not only women's solidarity towards each other but this awareness of our daily issues actually warms my heart.

I've always wondered what it would be like to be a woman in an apocalyptic world. We need these things. We don't just want them, we need them. I have cramps that are so bad sometimes I think I'm gonna pass out, even if I take meds, but I have never, not even once, watched a scene with a woman even acknowleding her period. unless if for some bulshit pregnancy arc but don't get me started

The second thing was that a lot of people (not just men in this case) thought that Joel was having a heart attack, when it was so clear he was experiencing something like a panic attack/anxiety/PTSD episode.

The lack of awareness on mental health is so clear. Maybe it's because I deal with anxiety and know what it feels like, but I understood immediately what was happening in those scenes.

We are so used to not talking about it. It should be so obvious to everyone but it wasn't. Because we don't even discuss this in real life.

I love that the show doesn't shy away from such important things that somehow for us are taboo. Mental health, women's health, these are things we don't really see in shows like this and I love that they are not hiding from it.

Ellie is a girl, she has periods. She also has a lot of trauma to unpack. Joel is not a robot, he's been through so much of course there's trauma there, of course he'll have PTSD and anxiety and have panic attacks on the possibility of caring for someone so much again and failing to protect them.

Anyway, I'd love to talk about everything I've been loving about this show but this post is too long already. I'm loving how they are adapting this story, they are doing a fantastic job, and the things they are changing/adding are only making the story better, and I can't wait for what's coming next.

#im surprised every time i see periods being acknowledged at all tbh #AND PEDRO THE EMMY IS YOURS BABY #the last of us #tlou #hbo #episode 6 #ep 6 #1x06 #pedro pascal #joel miller #bella ramsey #ellie

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ludi-ling · 5 months

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Woooooow... just saw ep 9 of X'Men 97. I may not like all of their choices, but damn do they go hard and I appreciate the execution of it. The last minute was soooo much wow. Prof X mind controlling Magneto, Magneto helmeting him and about to kill him, Wolverine stabbing Magneto and Magneto un-adamantiuming Wolvie...wooooow...

I do not know what they're going to do next. I knew Rogue would go to Magneto based on her costume alone. That's the OG terrorist Rogue/villainous Rogue costume. I might not love that decision of her going to Magneto... but based on what's happened, it makes sense. And omg, her wearing Remy's trench coat? Cryyyying. The one thing I can see with Rogue going back to the X-Men is Magneto wanting to kill Deathbit because Deathbit is dangerous.

Because I still believe Remy is coming back. I cite X-Treme X-Men and everything Rogue says to bring him back. Absolute Points? Nexus Events? They don't matter. X-Men make their own miracles. I literally said this as my thesis for why Gambit is coming back and then hours later the panel appeared on my feed lol.

One more week of me screaming, crying and throwing up.

Rogue is pissed. She's had to face a trauma she hasn't had to ever face before. I can completely understand this trajectory she's walking. It makes sense for the arc that her character is going through in this universe. The bit where she handed back the trench coat though? That killed me.

Gambit will come back. It's just a matter of how and when. I can't believe people truly think he's going to stay dead. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I truly appreciate this series for taking something we all loved as kids and spinning it into an adult story. I know it's hard - literally everyone is miserable in this show - but damn, I suppose that's life. And I guess it's hard for some fans to accept the turn this show has taken when we all expected the gentle fluff of Romy in TAS. What Romy have had so far in XM97, and eventually will have, is something far more adult and something I'm far more interested in than the non-committal flirting we got in TAS.

Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of things in XM97 I don't agree with or like. But on the whole I think it's done a really good job in (let's face it) a short amount of time of achieving something smart and thought-provoking and visceral despite its flaws. I'm actually kind of excited to see what happens next. I'm ready to be disappointed again, but I'm ready to be pleasantly surprised too.

At the very least, it has got me inspired to write Romy again. A LOT of the heartache and anger and admiration I have felt watching the show I have channelled into writing The Tailor & The Seamstress, and it's been the first time I've been genuinely excited about fic in a while. So I have a lot to thank the show for, despite all the anxiety and angst it's given me.

#questions answered #romy #rogue #remy lebeau #gambit #anna marie raven #x men 97 #x-men '97

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jennathearcher · 5 months

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Thirteen horror movies that scared tf out of me

Thank you so much for tagging me @talesfromthecrypts!! I wanted to do this so bad and put entirely too much thought into it XD

Rules: list thirteen horror movies that at one point in time terrified the hell out of you

Skinamarink - probably goes without saying at this point; not everyone is gonna vibe with the visual style, and it actually helped a great deal that I watched it with someone who was bored out of their mind by it while I was ready to start climbing the walls from pure fear XD A+, 10/10, hate thinking about this so much :P

Hereditary - also a very obvious choice but COME ON. This is THE horror movie for me. Literally rewired my brain chemistry; totally changed the way I think about not only horror, but film IN GENERAL, just there is SO MUCH MORE YOU CAN DO??? Also points for connection to irl trauma of mine AND being the only movie to date that has made me curl up in the fetal position on a theatre seat 8D that moment when you feel so viscerally in danger you want nothing more than to flee the theatre but you also NEED TO KNOW HOW THIS FUCKING ENDS (you're not gonna sleep for a while and you're gonna LIKE IT DAMMIT) also extra points for being able to traumatize people without them actually having to watch it :P

Jennifer's Body - yes, believe it or not, I watched this movie as a teenager and it actually gave me nightmares XD seeing Megan Fox fully unhinge her jaw with like a gajillion teeth just did something to my brain, man :P and in retrospect I don't think it was a bad thing

Saint Maud - excellent movie, highly recommend it. Had to include it on the list because even though it didn't necessarily scare me as I was actively watching it, it was the sheer impact it left behind with me that has me like, cool cool cool, I can never watch that again :P seriously, I didn't touch another horror movie for six months after I watched this one

A Cure for Wellness - WE STAN THIS MOVIE IN THIS HOUSE however it has to make the list purely because I actively had an anxiety attack while watching it :P

Sleepy Hollow - another one from my teen years; I absolutely love it, and it's one of the first movies I can remember genuinely scaring the shit out of me while still remaining fun to watch?? Like, first time I was scared while watching a movie and didn't immediately have the desire to shut it off XD

Suspiria (2018) - god damn you Luca you gotta stop making adaptations that leave the source material so far behind in the dust that I never want to bother with them ever XD this one makes the cut because I watched it for the first time at home, and it's the only time where I had to actually pause the movie three-quarters of the way through and just. PROCESS. love this movie so much, will be salty forever that it financially flopped

The Conjuring - THE FUCKING HIDE AND CLAP SCENE. LEGIT ONE OF THE SCARIEST SCENES IN ALL OF CINEMA. MWAH. CHEF KISS. AMAZING. I physically GASPED the first time I saw it and I think you could actually pinpoint the moment I sold my soul to James Wan forever and ever :P

The Night House - sometimes you watch a movie and you think, "holy shit that was good," and then a year and a bit later you have to come back to it just to see if it is, in fact, as good as you thought it was, AND THEN IT I S. There is a stretch in this movie where even on the second watch I don't think I took a single breath during it. Just UGH. CINEMA.

Smile - I literally almost blocked this movie entirely out of my memory, that's how bad it fucked me up. You know shit is fucked when you had planned for this movie to be part of a whole evening of horror movies, only after watching it you're so fucked up all you can do is watch a couple episodes of anime and then go straight to bed. Is it perfect? No, but it scared the absolute fuck out of me so on the list it goes

Speak No Evil (2022) - oh my god I can't even. jdskdlsfdsf. I watched this on a WHIM and had to walk around my house in circles after for the better part of an hour. There's an American remake coming out this year with James McAvoy and if they do this right OH MAN. OHHHHH MAN.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) - listen to me okay LISTEN. I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH. This was my first real slasher movie I ever watched when I was a teenager just getting into actual horror movies and IT TOTALLY SCARED ME!!!! AND I LOVED IT!!!! feel free to judge me because I hate the original while still loving this one LISTEN IT JUST DIDN'T AGE WELL OKAY :P

The Lodge (2020): hooooooo fuck. I don't even know what I can SAY about this movie other than WATCH IT. It's underrated as hell and made me feel emotions hitherto only experienced by shrimp. Major content warning for pet death though, like BIG time, worst case I've ever seen in that regard

tagging: @afoxnamedmulder @thebarefootking and anyone else who wants to do the thing!! <3

#save tag #long post

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maskthesimp · 9 months

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Okay, so I played Resident Lover

Cass' route. Duh.

[MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD SO MOVE THE FUCK ON!!]

AND I GOT THE BAD ENDING 💀 Or one of them

I assume there's a few bad endings and a few good ones for each route. I got the one where we get blood spilt on us, and she uses me as a sacrifice (or is implied to cuz the game ends when she pins me against a wall after getting that crazy look in her eye and talking about a fourth sacrifice for the ritual)

Here's the thing, though. I'm afraid of upsetting people. So, of course I ignored the fucking shadow and decided to get on with the show instead CUZ I FIGURED IF I INVESTIGATED THE SHADOW, IT'D DELAY THE SHOW AND PISS HER OFF!! BUT NO!!

TIP IF YOU WANNA GET A GOOD ENDING FOR CASS, INVESTIGATE THE DAMN SHADOW BEFORE THE PERFORMANCE!! UGH!! SORRY I THOUGHT OF YOUR FEELINGS, BABE, I DIDN'T REALISE EMPATHY FOR YOUR INTERESRS AND WELLBEING WOULD RESULT IN MY DEATH 🙄

It's fucking fine I reloaded the game and investigated, then told her what I saw and shit turned out fine and she fucked me in her dressing room >_> I'll take it but that music and the art of her going all crazy-eyed saying she was gonna basically kill me is gonna leave some trauma, babes, I'm ngl

Istg I genuinely was unsettled and freaked out over it. The music does a lot for the game, and the composer(s) did a great job at making me piss myself in fear. Made me feel genuine anxiety and fear. Also, because I couldn't do anything about it, it made it so much harder to watch. Feels like Subnautica without the water. Or sea creatures. Or space ship. Or anything except the overwhelming sense of "you fucked up" that I get when I hear the music after getting drenched in blood, or the "approaching ecological dead-zone" message. It's the same vibe that makes me wanna cry from anxiety, and I applaud any game that evokes that reaction from me.

I'll definitely play through the other routes, probably Belas mostly, and I'll try to get some other results from Cass' route. I didn't investigate the 3rd floor because it pissed her off when I did it, so I reloaded it (don't judge, I'm a people pleaser) and chose to wait for her. Idk what other endings can come from her route. I know I can reject her and stuff, but I don't wanna. That's my wife motherfucker.

I'm most interested in Bela and Cass' routes in this. I like Daniela, but she's not as interesting as I kinda hoped she'd be. I like skater girls, but for Dani, she's too chill. I like the switch in making Cass more of a momma's girl and making Bela more argumentative with Alcina. Whereas in RE8, that'd be the opposite with them.

Cass is the rash child not doing what Alcina wants, and Bela has to pick up the slack and suck up to mother (or at least that's the vibe we got from the lore). And Dani is just...Dani. She's chaos incarnate. But I like the switch of having Cass now be the one who decided to follow in her mother's footsteps, whilst Bela is apparently arguing with her so much.

Btw, I'd adore if there was a mutli-romance option. I'd fall head over heels so easy XDD speaking of, is there any way to meet Bela in Cass' route? She never showed in my playthrough outside of a name drop from her sisters. I've seen screenshots of Bela and Cass in Y/Ns dorm together, I'm not sure what route it's from.

Overall, I'd say I had a lot of fun. I liked the stakes, I liked the romance. Some character depictions could've been better, but maybe they would be if I play again and choose Dani's option during a later playthrough. Maybe I just didn't get enough of a look at her character. Will definitely play again :3

#self ship #self shipping #self shipper #resident lover #resident lover spoilers #cassandra dimitrescu #resident lover cassandra #dimitrescu sisters

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ellethespaceunicorn · 1 year

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Bright Like The Moon: Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Something Tells Me You Know What I Mean

Rating: Explicit, 18+, Minors - DNI

Fandom: Night Hunter

Pairing: Walter Marshall x Black!OFC

Word count: 5.5K

Summary: Kamaria Mansfield is hired at the Minnesota Police Department as an intern. Detective Walter Marshall is overworked and unsatisfied. Takes place post-film.

Chapter Summary: Walter and Kamaria have had a rocky road back uphill, will they get to even ground or will it crumble beneath their feet?

Chapter warnings: mentions of past trauma (abduction/SA from last chapter), police interrogation, yelling, Daddy kink, dacryphilia, oral (m receiving), unprotected p-in-v sex, fingering (anal - f receiving), creampie, double creampie

A/N: I’m not a detective or a lawyer, I don’t know the law, I just write fanfiction. So, don’t use my work as research material. Also, there is a special guest. Oh, wait there are two special guests! Un-beta’d, we die like people who tried their best.

Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Support/Reblog banner by me

Cover Art by me, model for Cover Art credits

Cross-posted on AO3

Spotify Playlist

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

Kamaria’s POV

One Month Later

“I have to say you are making leaps and bounds these days, Kamaria. I’m proud of you,” Yada sits in her armchair, smiling at me and I can’t help but return it, “Are you proud of yourself?”

“I…am, yeah,” I rub my hands together while trying to get my words to flow, “I’ve been through a lot in the last month or so. My abduction and assault were a blow to my spirit. But, I’ve done the work to help with the anxiety.”

“You have definitely done some work with your anxiety. Just looking at you, your shoulders aren’t slumped and you look relaxed. How about sleeping and eating? I was worried for a while about nightmares keeping you up. It also crossed my mind that this incident might trigger a relapse in your eating disorder.” Yada’s face is one of support, but I can see her genuine concern for me.

“The nightmares have gotten better. When I’m woken up, I do my breathing exercises and I’m usually able to get right back to sleep. I eat three meals a day now. It’s nice to feel hungry again and not just be forcing myself to eat. I’ve identified my triggers in movies and tv so I can judge what’s ok for me to watch. I start back to work next week, which is awesome. Still having trouble with crowds though. I mean, I have Walter there so I feel like I have an anchor but I haven’t been alone in a crowd.” As I mention Walter, that little thought in the back of my mind crawls its way to the front of my consciousness.

Maybe she won’t ask me about it this time?

“So, speaking of Walter, how’s your intimacy?”

Damn it!

“We make out like teenagers behind bleachers. He’s still my cuddly grumpy bear,” I slowly shake my head as I look down, preparing myself to unleash my emotions, “I love Walter. I do. He started going to a therapist to deal with how this all affected him. I’m so proud of him for that, that man is not vocal. I mean, yeah, with me he won’t shut up. But with strangers, he keeps everything so close to the chest.”

“Have you not noticed any changes in his demeanor?”

“He’s become able to talk with me about what happened. I mean, before? He would walk on eggshells around me like I was this fragile porcelain doll. After some yelling from me, he agreed that he wasn’t dealing with what happened and he started therapy. But, I don’t know how to like, ask him for more.”

“More?”

“I don’t know how to convince Walter that I’m ready to have sex. He seems like he wants to. But he always stops right before we would usually…‘go all the way’.” Getting frustrated, I end it there.

“You haven’t had sex of any kind?” Thanks for being blunt, Yada.

“Well, we have. Technically. He has gone down on me a few times. But when I ask to return the favor, he usually just says he’s fine or that I don’t have to. And, I’m just salivating these days because I can see that he’s aroused and he won’t let me touch him. I don’t want to force him to tell me what’s stopping him. But I’m worried that it’s something I’m doing that is holding him back. I’m five seconds away from just jumping on him while naked but I don’t want to scare him. And that’s not me putting down my body, I’m just saying coming at him like that might be a little…much.”

“This may seem intense but, have you considered asking him what troubles him?” When I open and close my mouth like a fish gasping for air, she continues, “Great. That’s your homework, then.” Yada takes out her notebook and writes something down before getting up to go around to her desktop computer.

My eyes are following her, my brow creasing, “So just…ask him about it?”

“Yup. Ask him what’s holding him back from allowing himself to be touched. Tell him you want to touch him. Tell him the truth, that you miss that part of your relationship. And ask him what you can do to help. Be comforting, be there for him like he’s been there for you, and be your genuine self.”

“Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Just inform him that I miss his dick and ask him what I can do to make touching it again a reality. Perfect, I got this.” I slap a fake smile on my face and give a thumbs-up to Yada.

“Fake smile or not, you can handle this. Remember to breathe and take your time. Any answer he may give you could be triggering, so pace yourself and remember your coping skills.”

I nod, not really feeling like talking anymore.

We finish up the session and say our goodbyes. As I leave her office, I steel my features and make it to the hallway where Walter sits and reads from his phone.

Oh, did I not mention that he won’t let me go anywhere by myself? Yeah. He’s become my shadow.

“Hey baby, you ready?” I say, grabbing his hand as he reaches it out to me. I must have let a bit of emotion slip through because I can see the gears working behind his smile.

As we walk to the exit, Walter speaks, “You have homework concerning me, don’t you?”

I stop walking and gulp nervously, shifting from foot to foot.

“So, that’s a yes. Don’t worry, I can’t hear what happens in Yada’s office. You just have a tell when you have to talk to me about something, that’s all.”

My dumb ass actually waits for him to tell me what my giveaway is, we end up in the parking lot before I realize he’s not saying anything. “Gonna keep that to yourself, then?”

“Of course!” He chuckles, pulling me to him so he can plant a kiss on my temple.

“Fine, don’t tell me,” I pout, getting into the truck, “But, there better be ice cream in the near future.”

He smiles at me, tilting his head and saying nothing but closing the door. Putting on my seatbelt, I grumble to myself as he is getting into the truck. That little shit!

“I’m sorry? I didn’t quite catch that.” I freeze and look up to see a stern Daddy's face.

“I’m sorry!” I scramble to recover, not wanting to say what I said under my breath.

“Hm. Sounded something like ‘See if I will get any ice cream after that outburst’? But, that can’t be right.” He adopts a confused expression, then looks at me with a hint of fire in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“Good girl. Now, let’s go home for lunch and see if you can’t earn yourself a treat.” He reaches over and pats my thigh before giving it a squeeze in one large paw.

The noise I make is somewhere between a whimper and a moan. And judging by the look on Walter’s face as he starts the car, he enjoyed the sound. He spends the entire ride with his hand on my thigh, and it’s glorious feeling the heat emanating from his hand.

Walter’s POV

After a simple yet hearty lunch, we settle down on the couch. She hasn’t brought up her homework yet, which means it’s going to be a tough conversation. It’s not as if I’m looking forward to having this interaction, but the sooner it is over the sooner we can move forward.

If I were a betting man, I would put money on it that she wants to talk about our sex life. Or rather, my inability to give myself to her as of late. She won’t like the reason why and I’ll have to take what she dishes out on that front.

I did something she asked me not to do and now I have to tell her.

I spoke to her attacker. Technically.

Walter’s POV

Three Weeks Ago

It’s been about a week since…the incident. Kam is taking this all in stride, from therapy appointments to meetings with the legal team. With the evidence collected, it’s pretty much an open-and-shut case to get both of these men in prison.

Justin is being charged with drug possession and being an accomplice in the kidnapping. But her captor is being charged with criminal sexual conduct in the second degree, rape in the second degree, and kidnapping in the second degree.

I am off of the case, per the department and Kamaria herself. I’m too close to it. I know that. I understand that I have a stake in this. The love of my life was hurt by these men, and all I want is to see them come to justice.

Seeing her in that hospital bed broke me. Talking to that little shit who somehow thinks he and Kam are in love? While he might have lost the plot, he’s a delusional kid at best and a misguided psychopath at worst. He’s in custody and he’s cooperating with us which is all I care about right now.

Well, not all I care about. The other one is on my mind nonstop. The mastermind who somehow got help from a kid to commit atrocious crimes. The tosser who I’m told is complex, charismatic, and calculating. I was specifically told by Kam to not get involved. I was officially told by Harper to stay out of it.

And I didn’t engage. Technically.

It’s a particularly taxing day and I barely slept a wink the night before. Nightmares were keeping Kam awake and I stay up with her so she isn’t alone. The lack of sleep could have accounted for what happened, but let’s be honest I would have done the same damn thing on a full night’s sleep.

I was walking to the men’s room when there was a commotion down the hall. It sounded like it was coming from interrogation and I felt like being nosy.

I wish I never walked down that hall.

I see Commissioner Harper exiting Interrogation Room 2 but he doesn’t see or hear me approaching. A uniformed officer stands at the door, his eyes flitting between Harper and myself. He clears his throat in a vain attempt to subtly announce my presence.

Harper turns and notices me, coming to turn me back in the other direction. I make it to the window before he’s able to stop me from looking in. I recognize Rachel sitting with her back to the window, but the person she’s talking to looks unfamiliar. He looks like an arsehole, that mustache belongs in a bad 70s porno.

“Who’s the–” I begin, but Harper stops me.

“Detective, turn around right now. You don’t want to be here.” He points a finger in the other direction and I’m confused for a moment before clarity washes over me.

“Why don’t–,” It feels like slow motion as I look back to the window and it clicks into place, “Is that him?”

The way he looks down, pinching the bridge of his nose, means my suspicion is confirmed.

Turning back to the window, I clench my jaw and stare ahead at the son-of-a-bitch. I can feel my hands start to tremble, and the adrenaline of rage courses through my veins. Only one thing can help release all of this pent-up energy. As if he could read my mind, I hear Harper speak up.

“Marshall, don’t even think about it.” He doesn’t sound very convincing, does he?

“I promise I won’t touch him, I won’t even say a word,” I plead with him to let me in, “I just need to look into his eyes.” My voice starts to crack at the end and I feel like I could scream.

“Don’t make me regret this,” He signals to the officer to step aside, “And I mean it, not a fucking word.” I nod and we walk in catching the end of a conversation.

“...and then that goddamn kid goes and falls for the girl. I wake up and they’re both gone! Police jammin’ me up over a fuckin’ skirt? Such bullshit! This wasn’t even on me. There’s no point for me to lie, I know you have Justin here somewhere. He’s told you plenty I’m sure.” As if he was so enthralled in his own story, he turns to look at us finally as Harper takes a seat next to Rachel and I remain standing and crossing my arms. His face peels into a shit-eating grin when he settles on me.

Rachel looks up at me and then to Harper who holds up a hand. I see her tense before moving on. “When you say “this wasn’t on you”, what does that mean?”

“I get an envelope delivered to my door with a picture of this girl and a fat stack of cash. I could’ve just run off with the money, but I was promised more when the job was done.”

“What exactly was ‘the job’?”

I debated leaving at the point and well, hindsight is 20/20.

“Well, the job was to find Kamaria Mansfield. Find out if she was happy, and end that happiness. Seems like she’s a lot tougher than we thought, eh Walter?” He looks back up at me and winks, “Where are my manners? Lloyd Hansen, pleased to finally meet you face-to-face.”

“How do you know–” Rachel starts, but Hansen interrupts.

“Like I said, sweetheart. The job was to find the girl, and anywhere that Mary went, her lamb was sure to go. And by lamb, I mean this big lug over here. They spend almost every waking hour together, it would be cute if I didn’t have a job to do. So, she’s definitely happy. But! She’s dating a fucking detective and working in a fucking police station, so my options are limited. I follow her for weeks until he drives her to meet with her friends at some stupid little club. Luckily, I knew I could overpower her, but it was best to make sure she wouldn’t fight me. And that’s where Justin comes in.” He stops to catch his breath, then starts again.

“Now, Justin…lives with me. Met him online, only knows me as Sir. That boy is a pretty little thing and he has his uses. Drugs and easy sex are about it, actually. I call him up and tell him to get an Uber to the club ‘cause we’re going to find me a girl. He had no clue about my job and he didn’t need to know. Sort of an unspoken ignorance is bliss type deal. Anyway, he gets to the club and I’ve been watching her all night. I wait until she’s dancing by herself. The other two chicks are at the bar being seduced by two lunkheads that look like they could benchpress a fucking cow. I make my way over to the girl and start grinding behind her. I figure she’s out on the town without the boyfriend, and dancing isn’t cheating so why not cut a rug? But she’s not into it and starts to try and get away, that little scamp. So I make sure I hold onto her tight while Justin gets in place to keep her distracted. He’s able to slip her the Molly. And it goes through her pretty quickly, probably due to the booze in her system. Pretty soon, she is all over Justin and he’s excited as hell until she starts to freak out, asking for Walter before she passes out. We get her to the van in the alley and we take her to where we stay.”

“And that’s the house near Twin Lakes Beach, off Route 69?” Rachel, ever the professional, tries to keep him talking.

“That’ll be the one. Had her for about a day and a half before I noticed her and Justin getting a little too chummy. I thought about killing her, but why murder when you can emotionally and physically scar someone? I made sure she’d never forget me, I made sure that what I did left a mark. She could never see it all as a bad dream, because she’ll have evidence that it all happened. From the pain in her pussy to the cuts from my butterfly knife on her hands and face, I’ll always be with her. And every time you look at her, Walter, you’ll be thinking of me, won’t you?” He was so pleased with himself. Perhaps he wanted to have this interaction with me all along, to rub it all in my face.

All I could see was red, my hands start to hurt from shaking so badly, and I knew I could pick him up and throw him just from the outrage in my veins. I keep my arms crossed because I knew if I lowered them, they would be reaching out for this arsehole. I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself at that moment. I don’t know how I managed to hold myself together at all.

Before I say or do something I regret, Harper stands and walks out of the room and drags me along with him. For a few moments, I’m stunned speechless. But that’s over soon enough.

“He knew her name, he knew she worked here, he knew me, and he knew we were dating. This means it wasn’t random. Which means someone wanted to purposefully hurt her. But who would want to hurt her?” As the question is coming out of my mouth, I think of one name.

Christopher.

The ex-boyfriend from college. The one who abused her, the one she hit over the head with a sculpture. But does he have the means, the motive, or the opportunity to hire someone to rough up his ex? And would bringing him into this put Kam at risk of being brought up on charges of assault? With so many variables, I do the only thing I could think to do.

I keep my fucking mouth shut. I tell Harper this is too much for me and I make a hasty exit.

Once I am back in my office, I call to check in on Kam and just hearing her voice keeps me calm. I manage to keep my voice steady and if she hears my voice falter, she doesn’t mention it. And I thank my lucky stars.

As we end the call, I think back to Lloyd’s words: “Every time you look at her, Walter, you’ll be thinking of me”.

The stuff of nightmares…

Kamaria’s POV

The Present

“Walter?” I wave my hand in front of his face, getting his attention, “You were certainly deep in thought.”

“Sorry, love. Just wondering what your homework is, is all.” He takes a deep breath and nudges me to speak.

“Well, it’s…I just,” I take a beat, chewing on my lip, “Walter, I…fuck, this is suddenly really difficult to talk about.”

He puts a hand over my fidgeting fingers and instantly soothes me.

“Um, ok. I’ll just come out with it then. I miss being intimate with you. I miss touching you. And I want you to know that I love when you eat me out. Trust me, I absolutely go nuts for it. But, you don’t let me return the favor. And we haven’t had sex in about a month. I just, want to know what I can do to make you feel comfortable. I’m just hoping it isn’t something I’m doing to keep you away–”

“No, no, no. Kam, it’s not you. I’m so sorry that I even made you feel like it was something you did,” He turns and faces me while sitting on the couch, “I have to tell you something and you’re not going to like it. But it will explain why I’ve been the way I have been.”

I push down the immense fear that he’s leaving me, my abandonment issues rearing their ugly head yet again. I nod for him to continue to avoid the threat of my voice cracking when I speak.

“I know you told me not to get involved in your case. But something happened a few weeks ago and you deserve to know about it.” The grave look on his face has me worried.

“What happened?”

He proceeds to launch into a retelling of what my attacker said to him. From being given “the job” to following us and watching me in the club. It hurt to hear that Walter was given all this information. Just to hurt him. But, as mad as I am at Lloyd for what he did to me, I feel just as furious at Walter for keeping all of this a secret for almost a month.

“So, let me get this straight. You’ve been hurting in silence and didn’t think, not even once, to share this with me? Just leaving me thinking it’s my fault that you don’t want to have sex with me? But it’s the words of a sociopath that you chose to cling to. What happened to ‘we’re in this together’?”

“We are in this together. I just thought I could handle it.”

“Handle it?!” I untangle myself from him and get up from the couch to start pacing, my anger bubbling inside me, “How do you expect to handle something like that without actually fucking handling it with me or your therapist? Fucking anyone!”

He pinches the bridge of his nose, releasing a heavy breath through his nostrils. “How could I have told you then? It had been less than a week since you got out of the hospital. If I brought this up, it would have seriously affected your progress and I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Oh, thank you for waiting to tell me until I had to practically reach inside you and pull out this information. You’re letting him get to you, don’t give him that power. I’m telling you that from a victim’s perspective. Yes, he hurt us, but if we dwell on that, we’re letting him win.”

“Just knowing what he looks like, having him tell me to my face what he did to you. It took everything out of me not to thrash him. I wanted to kill him. That anger…it’s never left me. I just push it down. I just…” An inhuman grunt escapes him and it goes straight to my core.

“Stop pushing it down.”

He wipes a hand down his face and looks up at me. “What do you mean?”

“Something tells me you know exactly what I mean…Daddy.”

“I’m too wound up for that, I don’t want to hurt you, baby.”

“I’m not afraid that you’ll hurt me,” I kneel in front of where he sits on the couch, “I’m afraid that you won’t.”

A shuddering breath leaves Walter before he leans forward and grabs a fistful of my hair, pulling my head back to expose my neck. “Does Princess need a little pain from Daddy?”

“Yes, Daddy,” I let the emotion inside me escape as tears down my face, “Please hurt me.”

“Fuck you look beautiful when you cry for me, Princess,” He releases my hair and leans back to unbutton and unzip his jeans, his thick and hard dick springing out. He reaches a hand to my face to wipe my tears and with that same hand he starts to jerk his dick, “Come suck your tears off Daddy’s dick, Princess.”

I’ve never thrown myself on a dick so fast. I don’t take my time, I’ve missed it too much. I suck him down, my tongue massaging the underside of his dick. The sounds coming out of him were so rewarding and I could feel the wetness already gathering in my folds. I clench my legs together to keep focused but it only made me moan around his length.

Gathering all my hair in one hand, he holds me steady so he could fuck my face and I couldn’t be happier. The heavy weight of him on my tongue, the drool leaking from the sides of my mouth, my gagging sounds when he hits my uvula.

It’s too much and I try and move a hand down into my panties but I’m stopped when Walter pulls my head off of him quickly. I sputter and cough, wiping at the drool on my lips.

“Awwww does Princess need attention on her little pussy?” I nod, as he jerks himself in my face, “Panties off, come up here so you can suck Daddy’s dick and I can play with that pretty pussy.”

I pull my skirt up and pull down my panties, shucking them…somewhere behind me. I get down on all fours with my ass up, leaning down on my elbows. Walter lands some seriously mighty smacks to my ass and stifles my moans by shoving my head down on his length.

He snakes a hand to my clit and rolls it between his thumb and forefinger. I groan into his dick and feel him twitch in my mouth. I sink down on him, letting him repeatedly into my throat for as long as he can handle it. Which ends up being long enough that my throat hurts.

The man hasn’t fucked me in a month but has this kind of stamina, must be all the anger coursing through him.

“Fuck, Princess…need to have this pussy in my mouth before I fuck it,” He starts to get up and I go to move but he stops me, “You stay right where you are, baby,” He moves behind me on the couch, pushing my front all the way down so my pussy is exposed under my plump ass, “Fuck, so fucking wet for me already, Princess. Such a good girl for Daddy.”

He flattens his tongue and licks from my clit to my entrance, Stiffening his tongue, he fucks into me while his thumb rubs my clit. I push back on him, riding his tongue until I feel that familiar tension.

“Daddy, please may I cum?”

“Be a good girl and cum on Daddy’s tongue, Princess.” That’s when he decides to push his tongue as far as it will get into my cunt. I can feel him licking my walls.

Oh, he’s really eating me out now.

“Fuck fuck fuuuuuuuck,” I feel the knot tighten then release as I cum over my tongue and lips. My legs shake as I come down and I don’t notice Walter getting into position behind me.

I’m so tight and hot after cumming that he has to push in a few times before my pussy lets him in all the way. But once he’s nestled inside, we both groan at the feeling. Me from the fullness, him from the snug fit.

Pulling most of the way out, he pushes in slowly. He picks up the pace as he goes, his big paws holding my cheeks apart so he can see the grip I have on him.

“Fuck, I love fucking this pussy, Princess,” He slams into me so deep and fast that I wonder how the fuck he’s doing it, “But this little knot keeps winking at me. I think it wants some attention too.”

“You wanna play with my ass, Daddy?” We’ve never done that before and I’m so turned on and feeling fucked out enough already that I would let him do anything.

“That’s my good girl,” I hear him spit and feel it land on my ass. His thumb circles my knot before dipping in a few times, each time further in than the last until he’s to the knuckle. Holding his finger there, he starts to fuck me again. I feel his dick stretching my cunt and his thumb testing my asshole. “You’re doing so well, baby. We have to get you a plug for this tight ass, keep it ready for me all the time. Fuck I can’t wait to fuck your ass…fucking cum in it and plug you so you keep it all day long. You like that idea, Princess?”

“Yes, Daddy. Want your cum in all my holes.” At this point, my legs have begun to shake again telling me my next orgasm is close.

“Such a good little cumslut you are. You look so good, so full of me right now. Sweet little cunt is full of cock and tight little ass is stuffed. Is Princess gonna cum on Daddy’s cock?” His breathing is labored and his thrusts are getting sloppy.

“Cum with me Daddy. Fill me up!” I push back on his dick so he goes even deeper and I can feel him kissing my cervix with the tip of his dick. “Right there, right there, right there!” With one hand on my clit, I feel the rush of my orgasm as it floods over my fingers.

“That’s it, Princess. Fuck, it’s so…fucking hot…when you…squirt!” His words stutter as he chases his own release and fills me with a load so warm and plentiful that it leaks out past his dick and soaks the couch. Thank goodness this thing is so easy to clean. Between my pussy juices and his jizz, we have got a mess on our hands.

He pulls his finger out of my ass, then pulls his dick out and watches for a beat as his cum dribbles out. I know that’s his favorite part. He disappears into the kitchen and I hear the faucet turn on as he washes his hands. He comes back with one of his dish towels in his hand.

“You’re gonna get a boner every time you use that from now on.” I manage to squeak out before the warm towel touches my sensitive holes.

“Wouldn’t that be a shame?” He lays a quick smack on my ass before wiping the couch down as well. He lifts me off the couch and holds me bridal style, walking to the bedroom. “I don’t feel like showering right now, but you are more than welcome to.” He sets me down on my feet, kissing the top of my head.

We lay in bed for a while, not caring about his cum leaking out of me onto the sheets. We lazily kiss and hold each other and it’s nice.

“So we had our first fight…and it actually ended in makeup sex.” I kiss the corner of his mouth as he smiles.

“Let’s not make that a habit, though, Princess.”

“Well, I mean, maybe if you didn’t keep a secret then I wouldn’t have had to–”

“Princess?”

“Yes?”

“Is Daddy forgiven?” His tongue snakes out over his bottom lip and I know he did that to seduce me.

“I forgive you, Daddy,” He kisses my forehead. “And I love you, Daddy,” He kisses my nose. “And Daddy loves me too.” He smiles as he kisses my lips, reserved at first until I feel his tongue begging for entrance. Opening my mouth, I let him take the lead as he massages my tongue with his.

His hand glides from my cheek down my neck to my arm, finally landing under my knee to pull my leg up and open. As he slides in between my legs, I reach up and tangle my fingers in his messy and sweaty head of curls.

I don’t even care that he is trying to shut me up by kissing me. He’s so fucking good at it!

He reaches down to free his already half-hard dick and he teases it on my clit before using our combined juices as lube, entering me again hard and fast. When I break the kiss to try and catch my breath, he takes that as a sign.

Sitting up on his knees, he opens my legs wider than I’ve ever had them and proceeds to make me forget all about that silly fight.

Wait…what fight?

“Such a good girl taking Daddy’s cock so well. Just need you to cum once for me, Princess. Then Daddy’s gonna fill you up.” The sounds my pussy makes while he pounds into me mixed with the visual of watching his dick slide in and out of me has me quaking in minutes. “That’s it, baby. Just like that. Fuck, I’m gonna cum.”

I feel his dick pulsating and twitching inside me and I catch him as he collapses on top of me. Any other time, I’m sure this weight would be uncomfortable. But, right now? All I can feel is a fucked out man who can’t get enough of me.

I wrap my arms and legs around him as he focuses on his breathing.

“Fuck, baby. I must be crushing you. Let me–”

“One more minute, please?”

“Hmmm.” He settles back in and starts to kiss up and down my neck.

“Okay, if you start doing that, we are gonna spend the whole damn weekend in this bed and we have plans, remember?” He keeps kissing and nipping at my spot and just like magic, I can feel myself forgetting all about…

…what was I saying?

Chapter 11

A/N1: The title of this chapter is taken from Vain by KIRBY. It is such a good song, give it a listen!

A/N2: Did you like my special guest? Lloyd Hansen, everybody!!

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wheneverfeasible · 1 month

Text

[Personal IRL Post]

One of my managers accidentally deadnamed me the other day without even realizing it.

So, backstory. I have a deadname but it’s not really a gender thing. The moment I graduated high school I legally changed my name because the name given to me at birth 1. never felt like my name, and 2. actually always made me feel really gross to be called. Being called it now gives me really bad anxiety and makes me feel sick and depressed and honestly sometimes even flashbacks I don’t want to deal with. Even just thinking the name makes me feel icky.

Because it’s not gender related though, I’ve had people argue that it’s not a deadname. But the person that name belonged to? Doesn’t exist. Never has. That person was a mask I had to wear for so long and idk maybe there IS some gender mixed into it even though both names are feminine sounding but whatever. The point is that that name was never who I was and is traumatic for me. That person is dead and so is that name.

So whatever, it’s a deadname. If you have a better term for it, then please sure let me know, but the name I was given at birth is not my name and not who I am. It has never been who I am and has always felt wrong. So fuck it.

But so I’ve been my real name legally for like 15 years. It’s me, that’s who I am. Only the people who knew me before the name change know the deadname really. We have some new managers in my store too because their store closed down and they came to us. (And it’s been a fuckfest ever since but whatever there another story.)

Anyways, the other day I was in the back doing something and he saw me and was gonna ask me something and paused and chuckled and said, “I don’t know why, but I almost called you *deadname*.”

Now, when I apply to anything that requires my birth certificate, I have to provide the original with the deadname and the addendum with the change. I don’t know if maybe he happened to see my files randomly or what, but if he did it was a subconscious thing on his part and he seemed genuinely confused. Or he fucking somehow snatched my deadname out of the ethers with some weird psychic power or something. Idk.

In any case, I had two options. Very firmly tell him never to say that name to my face again, or ignore it. I chose to ignore it because I didn’t want to draw attention to it, didn’t want that name to catch in his brain when he looked at me which is what I felt would happen if I drew attention to the fact that I did not like that name attached to me.

A couple coworkers know I have a deadname but obviously don’t know what it is, even the coworker who ALSO has a deadname which is sadly still their legal name so it’s on certain paperwork everyone sees and knows. I do try to blot it out with their real name when able, writing over the schedules or whatever when able if someone else hasn’t already.

Anyways. The whole point of this is just to say that a managed happened to accidentally deadname me the other day and it was like a fucking jump scare and I didn’t acknowledge him or the name when he spoke to me saying it, even if he wasn’t actively calling me that name. And it’s been kind of rotating in my head ever since like a damned rotisserie chicken, and I haven’t thought that name in a while but now it keeps popping up in my head randomly and I hate it.

Like fucking seriously dude. This sucks. And I’m already having trauma responses recently due to it being the second anniversary of going NC with my family AND stressing out because I’m not going to be able to make rent this month and I haven’t had money for groceries which has been making me sick in this heat because I’m not eating and just…ugh. I fucking hate the summer.

Anyways just had to write that out to hopefully get it out of my head.

#personal #irl post #personal post #deadname #stress #anxiety #depression #trauma #retail

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bi-demon-ium · 2 years

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ok I'm gonna send two and you can pick whichever one(s) seem interesting: 5. with the twins and/or 25. with Nicholas and hmmm Rhonda perhaps? or just any of the adults

ohhhohohohoho :)

5 ("I don't know if I can forgive.") + the twins (ao3.)

Nicholas was looking out at the stars when his brother walked up behind him.

“Hello, Nathaniel,” he said, without turning.

Right. He’d always done that. It was a little uncanny.

“May I… sit?” he asked, tone even—but it was uncharacteristically hesitant of him.

Nicholas gestured, but still didn’t look at him. “Please,” he said.

He gingerly sat on the bench next to him. Not close, but not at the other edge, either.

There was a beat of silence, not quite comfortable, but not quite tense, either.

“You wanted to talk,” Nathaniel said finally. “I’m here. Now is as good a time as any, don’t you think?”

Nicholas doesn’t answer for a moment. “I suppose,” he says.

He doesn’t continue.

Curtain waits, patiently. Nicholas was gathering his thoughts. Nathaniel knew him well enough to see that.

They sat together for what could have been minutes or hours.

“…do you think we can even fix this?” Nicholas said finally, voice almost small. Far away, like he wasn’t just looking at the stars above, but among them.

Curtain looked down at his hands. “I… don’t know,” he admitted.

“We’ve hurt each other a lot,” said Nicholas.

“I think,” Nathaniel said, and it hurt him to admit it, “I’ve hurt you more.”

He had hurt Nathaniel badly, once. Once.

Nicholas didn’t disagree. He just hummed for a moment. Then finally tore his gaze from the sky to look at Nathaniel, eyes dark and sad.

“Were you punishing me?” he said, and damn him, he sounded genuinely curious. “Lashing out?”

“I don’t know,” said Nathaniel quietly, and it was his turn to look away, look up. “Maybe.”

He had just wanted Nicholas to choose him. To take his side. But—no. It wasn’t as innocent as that. He’d wanted control, like he always did. It wasn’t that he’d really wanted to hurt Nicholas: he’d just wanted to take care of him the only way he knew how. By controlling everything, just as he did for himself.

Another beat.

“…I am sorry,” said Nicholas. “I don’t—why I left—I shouldn’t…” he sighed as he struggled to come up with the words. “…I don’t know,” he said helplessly. “I had to leave, but I never wanted—”

His voice broke off again, and he curled in on himself a little.

When Curtain looked back at him, he was staring at the grass under their feet. A slight breeze ruffled his graying curls, but he didn’t seem to notice.

And then, much quieter, almost a whisper, “…do you know what it’s like?”

Curtain blinks, unsure how rhetorical that is, if he should say what, what’s like, but Nicholas continues and the choice is made for him.

“To have something inside your head? Without asking?”

…oh.

“To—to feel things that aren’t yours, remember doing things and saying things you wouldn’t do, the—the humiliation of that, the—the violation.”

Nathaniel can’t say a word. He’d just wanted Nicholas to be happy, wanted to do something good and right, wanted Nicholas to be happy enough to stay willingly. He’d been stupidly, recklessly desperate, determined and bullheaded, blindly forcing himself to believe in what he was doing.

He could make Nicholas happy—undo the pain and trauma he'd caused, undo the stress and anxiety that had grayed his hair and exhausted him beyond measure and left him at the end of his rope all the time—and he could make Nicholas want to stay.

And for a while it had worked: the shock of Nicholas with him again, easily praising him, telling him he was worth something, telling stupid jokes and being his affectionate, intelligent self, so easy to talk to and bounce ideas off of, so easy to get lost in memories with—it had been… good. So good.

But it had been false. False for both of them.

“…it hurts,” Nicholas said, his voice cracking a little. “Being changed like that. Knowing you’ve been changed but being unable to feel it.”

An I’m sorry feels completely, utterly inadequate. He’d known it was wrong. He’d just wanted him back. He’d been willing to force him.

He’d justified it to himself as being for the better—Nicholas would feel better, would be happier, would finally sleep like he should and relax and be healthier and he would stay, and they’d be together.

“…and,” Nicholas says, now on a roll as Nathaniel sits there, frozen, “and—so much, so much—do you know—do you know what it’s like to have everyone think you’re—you’re crazy? To mock you behind your back and to your face, to—to be considered untrustworthy and paranoid and jealous? A downer, a conspiracy theorist, to be—to be completely isolated, and—and—and the gaslighting—”

His voice was going pitchy with his distress, high and upset and on the verge of breaking, almost squeaky, and something in Nathaniel’s chest felt tight. He couldn’t swallow around the lump in his throat.

Nicky only sounded like that when he was truly, truly, horrifically upset. It was rare. Or it had been. He’d heard it more in the little time they’d had together as adults than he had the entire first twelve years of their lives together.

“…It’s hard,” he says, voice breaking again, and he sounded on the verge of tears now, and Nathaniel could feel some burning in his eyes to match, “when no one believes you, when you’re told over and over you’re being—being unreasonable, being paranoid, being jealous.”

He nearly flinches at the word. He, too, had said some of these things, he knew. And Nicholas knew it, too, of course, even if he wasn’t saying it directly.

He breathes funny for a second, like he might fall asleep, like he’s catching his breath, but he doesn’t crumple.

“For a long time I wondered,” Nicholas said, quieter. “If maybe I really was imagining things. If they were right, if I’d just—finally cracked.” He gives a breathless, tiny, humorless laugh. “I suppose I should thank you, actually—the first time your Greys tried to kidnap me, I was pretty sure I couldn’t be seeing things that weren’t there after all.”

That was. kind of horrifying, actually.

Don’t thank me, he wanted to say, but his voice was caught in his throat. Please. Don’t thank me.

“…but then,” he said, and the next little laugh was more bitter, almost ugly in a way Nicky’s laugh never has been, and he didn’t fall asleep, because why would he with such a joyless thing, “then, I have nightmares about that, too. It’s hard to sleep. Harder.”

Right. Of course he did.

(And Nathaniel couldn’t fix it, couldn’t wipe the slape clean and give him Happiness—could only watch what he broke, watch the pieces tremble.)

“It was terrifying,” he said. “Being grabbed, manhandled off the street, no one even tried to help me—I have scars, you know. From the shock watches. They hurt every time.”

Every time. Because, of course, Curtain hadn’t just tried once. Nathaniel hadn’t just tried once.

“I felt so unsafe,” he said, and now there really are tears running down his face, and he’s staring up but not at the stars, just up, just away. “All the time. Scared. Alone. Hunted. And I had no idea—” his voice cracks, and he abruptly scrubs at his eyes with his sleeve almost violently. “—and then in my home. When I realized—when I realized it was—”

He actually sobs then, like he can’t get out of the word, can’t say you, it was you, it was you all this time, and then buries his face in his hands and just trembles. Shaking apart.

Nathaniel wants to reach out, wants to comfort him, wants to hug him, but he’s no longer sure if it would be welcome. If it would ever be welcome.

He wants to say you hurt me too, to revel in the anger and hurt and self-pity and buried pain that drove him all those years, to say you abandoned me, you broke me, you made me like this, but the excuse feels hollow now. The anger and pain are still there, but it no longer feels like righteous justification. It just hurts.

Nicholas’s shoulders jerk with another rough, wet sob, and then his trembling palms pull away to clench into fists for a moment, pressing against his legs, and he takes in a shuddering breath and continues, voice wavering.

“And my friends,” he says miserably. “My friends. You hurt so many people, you hurt children—you hurt children, Nathaniel! But—they were hurt, too, people I love, they were hurt so badly, and—and Milligan. Do you even remember him? He’s—he’s the kindest, gentlest person I’ve ever met. He’s strong and smart and wonderful and for so long, so long, I wondered who could have taken everything from him. I never even guessed how much.” His face crumples and still, still, he won’t look at him.

“He lost a child, Nathaniel,” he cries, “a child—his whole life, taken from him, his daughter growing up alone… and you took that from him.”

He almost hiccups with the force of the tears he’s trying to hold back, trying to stay coherent. “And how can I—?”

Curtain blinks away tears and realizes that he’s actually been crying silently for a while now. He doesn’t draw attention to it. He lets them fall. Best to let Nicholas say his piece.

(Hearing it all laid out before him is… overwhelming.)

(For the first time, Nathaniel thinks, rather grimly, that perhaps he is a bad person. Perhaps he has been the whole time. Perhaps that’s what the Glenns saw, when they chose his brother over him, perhaps they saw that he was rotten inside. Rotten and selfish.)

Nicholas is crying now, properly crying, and he says, “You’ve hurt me so badly. You’ve hurt people I care about. And I—I don’t know if I can forgive you.”

He says it like it takes a weight off his shoulders, almost gasping as the words come out, eyes wide and tearful.

…right. There it is, then. Nathaniel is. unforgivable.

He looks away entirely. He knew that. He knew that.

“Nathaniel,” Nicholas says, quiet and oh-so-sad, voice still thready and thin from the tears. “Nathaniel, look at me, please.”

Does he just want to really drive it home?

Nonetheless, Nathaniel turns to look. Isn’t it the least he can do?

Nicholas’s face crumples a little when he realizes Nathaniel is crying. Silently. Expression barely changing.

“Nathaniel,” he says again, “I don’t know if I can forgive you.”

Nathaniel isn’t sure what his face does but Nicholas makes a distressed noise.

“Wait,” he says, “But—but I want to.”

Of course you do, you sentimental fool, Nathaniel wants to say, but again, the words won’t come. He thinks his voice is gone, caught like a bird in a cage.

“I want to so badly,” Nicholas says, and his voice strains and stretches like it might break again, like he might just shatter. “I love you, and I miss you, and I—I don’t think you’re evil, or irredeemable, or rotten—”

Nathaniel actually jerks, the unintentional blow landing far too close to home, but Nicholas continues, voice soaked in tears, “I just want to be your brother again. I just want to try to fix everything. I miss you so much.”

“…what if it can’t be fixed?” Nathaniel finally manages to say, and in any other circumstance he’d be horrified at how hoarse and cracked his voice is, how audible it is that he’s been crying. “What if I can’t be fixed?”

Nicholas’s face crumples again. “Oh, Nate,” he says, and it feels like a punch to the heart. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve done bad things, but I—you aren’t bad. I’ve never thought that.”

Nathaniel’s face twitches and he pulls his lips tight, forcing his face to remain steady. But his eyes are too wide, his lips trembling, his hands clenched in his lap. Nicholas can tell.

It bursts out of him before he can stop, sticking in his throat painfully like something sharp forcing its way up. His voice cracks.

“Then why did you leave?”

Nicholas looks stricken, like he might just crumble, and then he all but launches forward and pulls Nathaniel into a hug. Tight and fierce and trembling.

He squeezes his eyes shut, and Nathaniel shudders in his arms, shoulders curling inwards.

“I won’t leave again,” Nicholas swears, rocking them back and forth a little. It shouldn’t be soothing, such a childish gesture, but it is, it is. “I won’t. I was young, and scared, and—I just felt so alone and I didn’t know how to talk about it, how to get away from feeling—controlled—”

Nathaniel flinches, almost pulls away, but Nicholas holds on. “—but it wasn’t—I never wanted—I didn’t want it to be forever.”

“You wanted away from me,” Nathaniel says, and it hurts, it hurts.

“I was young,” Nicholas repeats helplessly. “I didn’t—I didn’t know what to do. Nathaniel, they—they shouldn’t have separated us. Heavens, if any of the children were having problems like this, they’d—they’d come to us. It’s—it’s a guardian’s responsibility, they were the adults—”

He sighs, then squeezes him tighter, and he sounds so, so tired. “It’s my fault, too,” he says quietly, “but—I—I talked about it with—well, it doesn’t matter, just… she’s right. There were adults in that situation, we—we were both just kids, Nathaniel. It isn’t fair.”

Somehow, he sounds more devastated at this than anything else. It isn’t fair. We were kids.

“You were only a child, too,” Nicholas says, sounding small and tired, and he buries his face in Nathaniel’s shoulder. “I know. I know. You said—do you remember what you said?”

“Should have been me,” Nathaniel echoes hollowly.

“But you were only a child,” Nicholas says again, like he’s reminding himself, even though he still sounds so hurt. “And—and. Nathaniel. Nathaniel, they didn’t choose me because I was better. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Then why? Nathaniel wants to scream, but he doesn’t.

(He knows it’s not what Nicholas is going to say, but he can’t help but think it: no, he didn’t do anything wrong. He simply was wrong.)

“They just—they wanted a quiet child,” Nicholas says, lifting his head but not pulling away. “They wanted low-maintenance. Easy. And—well. I didn’t take up much space. I didn’t eat too much.”

Oh.

“It wasn’t you,” Nicholas says again. “It was them.”

Nathaniel lets himself lean into the embrace more, lets his head fall on Nicholas’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Nicky,” he whispers, finally. “For everything.”

He is. He’s got enough regrets to burn through his chest. He’s been angry and hurt and running for so long, he’d truly let himself believe he was wholly and completely right, that all of the means were justified by the ends. And now he was sitting in the ruins he’d made.

“I’m sorry, too,” Nicholas says, and he says it sincerely, as if this is equally his fault, as if Nathaniel hadn’t burned the world down for a mistake he’d made when he was twelve.

But something selfish in Nathaniel settles under the apology, like it’s healing. He’d needed to hear it.

“…what if you can’t forgive me?” he says.

“Can you forgive me?” Nicholas counters.

“It’s not the same.”

“Maybe not,” says Nicholas. “But can you?”

Nathaniel pulls away to meet his gaze. Nicholas is staring, eyes wide and dark and sad.

No, is on his lips, but I want to.

For decades, he’s carried this.

“Yes,” he blurts out, and he’s a little shocked to realize he means it. “Yes. I forgive you. I forgive you, Nicholas.”

Nicholas actually looks shocked, like Nathaniel had just slapped him.

“…oh,” he says.

“What if you can’t forgive me?” Curtain repeats. “You don’t owe it to me. You’re right. I’ve done too much.”

“I don’t know,” Nicholas admits quietly. “But—we’ll figure it out together. Okay?”

“What about your friends?” Nathaniel says, almost desperately. “What if it’s a choice?”

Nicholas blinks. “Are you aski—”

“No, don’t be ridiculous,” Curtain snaps, “But you’re right. I’ve hurt them, too. They have no reason to forgive me.”

Nicholas—his hands still on his shoulders, and he squeezes gently. “Nathaniel,” he says, “I’ve already talked to them. They’re not asking me to choose, either.”

There’s a slight tension in his eyes like he still is genuinely shocked like this, like he’s guiltily glad, and Nathaniel finds he shares in that guilty relief.

“I don’t know if they’ll forgive you, either,” he says. “But—we’ll figure it out together. I’m not leaving again. Okay?” He gives a little shake for emphasis, and Nathaniel nearly laughs, small and relieved.

Nathaniel wipes away the tears on his face with his sleeve. “…okay,” he says.

“Good,” says Nicholas. His hands slip from Nathaniel’s shoulders and he turns to look up again. “Oh,” he says. “You see that?”

Nathaniel blinks and turns his gaze to the sky.

“The north star is very bright tonight,” his brother says, and he smiles.

He can't help but smile back, small and uncharacteristically uncertain. And they look up to the stars together.

25 ("I know you have no reason to trust me. But please... I'm asking you to anyway.") + mr benedict & rhonda (ao3.)

The thing is, Rhonda actually hears about Mr. Benedict before she meets him.

And unlike Milligan, the rumors she hears aren’t so kind.

He’s gone off the deep end, I’m afraid, she hears someone laugh, all tin-foil conspiracies…

Crazy, they whisper behind hands at parties, hiding tipsy grins, eccentric geniuses, you know, that kind of brain has a price—

(She never actually hears what crazy things he believes, but conspiracy theorist has certain implications to it, doesn’t it?)

Still, it doesn’t prepare her for meeting the man.

He does, unfortunately, look exactly like his reputation had painted him: curls a disheveled mess, gesturing wildly, voice pitchy with distress.

But what really strikes her is the very real fright in his voice.

“Please,” he says, and he looks almost terrified, “Please, Miss Kazembe, don’t go to that island.”

There’s no reason to be unkind.

“Mr. Benedict,” she says, “I’m afraid I’m on official business. I can’t simply not go.”

That isn’t entirely true, actually. But she’s not about to admit that.

There’s something fishy about that school, and she’s going to figure it out. That’s what a good aspiring journalist does, even if no one has hired her yet: looks for the truth.

“I know you have no reason to trust me,” Mr. Benedict says, “But please, please. I’m asking you to anyway. Just—just for today. It’s vital, you’re—you’re in danger.”

If she were a cruel person, she might say from what? aliens? but she isn’t, even if she’s a little exhausted.

Gently, she says, “It’s a school.”

Not a cult, or a landing site for aliens, or some sort of conspiracy of a secret government.

“It’s something more,” he says. “People are going missing, and no one’s looking for them. Why does a school need security that tight? Why does a school take up so much power? Why are they hiring scientists, and not just any scientists, but chemists and neurosurgeons? Why is there no oversight on their curriculum, their teachers, their anything? Why is a school so shrouded in mystery I can’t find the headmaster’s name?”

When she stares, stricken—because this, this isn’t crazy at all, this was, at least partially, exactly what she was looking into—he says, hopelessly, “Please. The last people who went there—I tried to warn them, too, but they either—they go missing, or they never leave the island. They’re on employment records but its impossible to contact them. But no one seems to care!” His hands wave wildly and his voice cracks. “Something is wrong.”

I don’t want you to go missing too, seems to be what he’s getting at, and the desperation in his tone says this has never worked before.

She snaps her bag shut. “What do you think is causing it?” she says, and he—he stares at her for a moment.

“…what?” he says.

“What do you think is causing it?” she repeats, slower. “The missing people. Human trafficking?”

He blinks. “I—no, but—you. you believe me?”

Rhonda’s lips purse with sympathy. “I’m not actually a prospective teacher,” she admits. “Well, I have a background, but—I’m investigating the disappearances.”

The naked relief on his face almost feels like an invasion to see, and he slumps with practically his whole body.

“Oh,” he says. “oh. Oh, thank god.”

And then he collapses.

She gives a shout of alarm, but a man seems to almost materialize out of nowhere—he’d been lurking around the corner, she realizes—and launches forward to catch him, as if he’d been expecting this.

He straightens, awkwardly holding Benedict up, and gives her a nod of greeting. He’s… large. Long, neat hair, and kind eyes.

“I—wh—” before she can sputter out a full question, Benedict jerks awake again.

“Oh! Oh—I—oh, thank you, Milligan, I apologize,” he says, and the man—Milligan, apparently—helps steady him, acknowledging the thanks with another silent nod. “How long was I—?”

“Only a few seconds,” he says, almost reassuringly, and Benedict sighs with relief. “Oh, good,” he says. Then he turns back to Rhonda, who’s gaping, as if remembering she’s there.

“Oh,” he says, “oh, I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t frighten you—”

“You. Did you… faint?”

“No, no,” he says quickly, waving his hands, “no, I just—I have type one narcolepsy with cataplexy. That means—”

“Oh,” she says, “Okay, right. Sorry. I understand now.”

He blinks, taken aback by her easy understanding and acceptance, then gives her a small, hesitant smile.

“My apologies,” he says again, “Milligan here is—uh. Security, I suppose. And a friend of mine.”

Milligan nods—he’d stepped back, both physically, and seamlessly away from her attention—and she doesn’t quite know what to say.

“We have, uh, one other,” Mr. Benedict says, “she’s—hmm, she’s. not here right now. But if you like—you. you could meet her? And we could talk?”

He peers at her hopefully.

This is such a bad idea. She doesn’t even know these people.

“We can meet in a public place,” he adds helpfully. “Although. Um. Maybe not too public, uh, the kidnapping attempts are getting. a little hard to avoid.”

Oh, what the fuck.

“The kidnapping attempts?”

“It’s a long story,” he admits, sounding a little sheepish. “I—I’m more than willing to share, I’d—I’d invite you back to my home, but somehow I feel that’s. probably. mm. worse?”

“Can you give me the rundown?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

He winces. “I’d really rather not—honestly, I’ve never gotten this far, and I’d really rather not scare you off now.”

“Hm,” she says. “That’s encouraging, eh?”

He hunches a little. “No one believes me,” he says. “I know how it sounds. But I do have—proof. Not enough, not—but. it’s not nothing. Um, actually, can I ask you something really quick?”

She blinks. “You just did,” she says, almost automatically, because it’s a joke she and her roommate have shared too many times, and she almost apologizes, but he laughs, and as tired as it sounds, it’s also sincere.

“Ah, of course,” he says, with real humor, “may I ask you a third question, then, after this very one?”

“You may,” she says graciously, and he beams at her. It’s impossible not to smile back.

“Do you watch a lot of TV?”

The non-sequitur is so startling it surprises the smile off her face. “What?”

“Or radio,” he says, “do you listen to the radio a lot?”

“Uh, no,” she says, unsure what to even make of this, “I prefer books. TV gives me a bit of headache, to be honest.”

He beams again, brighter, and she thinks, relieved. “Wonderful,” he says. “I mean, no judgement, it’s not—it’s only—well, it’s too complicated to explain right now.”

“Oh..kay,” she says.

“Here, meet—can you meet me outside the Monk Building, in town? Tomorrow, at, say—ah, do you have a preference?”

“No,” she says, “not really.”

“Noon then, does that sound fine? Noon, yes,” he mutters and writes something down on a pad he’d produced from some pocket, scrawl loopy and lopsided. “Alright. Here.”

He rips out the page and shoves it at her. “Don’t tell anyone,” he says, “Please. For the safety of both of us.”

“Can you—can you at least tell me what this is about?” she says.

“…The Emergency,” Mr. Benedict says, and he looks far more serious now. “It’s about the Emergency.”

Oh. That was… big.

She takes the paper. “I’ll see you then,” she says, with more confidence than she feels.

He smiles, nodding a little to punctuate this, and then turns to go.

“Mr. Benedict,” she calls after a moment, and he pauses and turns back.

“…I’m trusting you,” she says, and holds up the paper. She thinks maybe he needs to hear it—hear that someone doesn’t think he’s crazy, someone other than his strange friend(s?).

He hesitates, eyes widening, then smiles, small and unsure. “And I, you,” he says. And then he sweeps out the door, and Milligan follows quietly behind him, eyeing her as he leaves.

She looks down at the piece of paper in her hands—an address, scrawled next to “NOON” and the initials “N.B.”, and then a little smiley face. He’d added a smiley face.

It seems Mr. Nicholas Benedict wasn’t crazy at all. But whether he was onto something was another question.

She rolled the paper up between her fingers and hummed. Whatever the case, things were about to get a lot more interesting.

#snippet #my writing #mbs disney #the mysterious benedict society #the north star.... binary system... twin stars #mysterious benedict society #nicholas benedict #mr benedict #mr curtain #ld curtain #rhonda kazembe #mbs #tmbs #mbs spoilers

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