#dare i say the neil perry of it all??

[thefabelmans2022]

anyway why does clara bow hit me so hard like emotionally why am i sitting here sobbing

[polktd]

my immediate response to any character i like:

*transes their gender*

[aggressivelykinsmarlenemckinnon]

It’s 2023 and they still haven’t announced a marauders movie so i guess i’ll have to rewatch dead poets society again and pretend neil is sirius and todd is remus🤷‍♀️

[ash5monster01]

Hiii. Could I request a Neil smut? Maybe it is her first time and he's all soft and sweet? Thanks!

First Time

Pairing: Neil Perry x FemReader

Warnings: 18+, established relationship, smut, readers first time, fluff, dirty talk, p in v, oral, nudity

Summary: it’s your first time and Neil seems like the perfect choice to take your virginity considering how gentle and caring he is.

word count: 2.2k

Masterlist

You had always considered sleeping with someone before marriage. Yet that consideration wasn’t taken lightly. You had swore to yourself that if that was what you decided to do it had to be with someone who was worth it. Which never seemed likely considering Harvard was a big place with a lot of people. Yet somehow amongst all of them you had stumbled upon Neil Perry. Found him studying in library, a sadness to the air around him, but the most genuine eyes you had ever seen. It explained the reason why you had half a mind to even sit next to him in the first place. The rest was history.

You had dated almost the full four years of college and it was no doubt in your mind that he was the one for you. You were going to marry Neil Perry even if it’s the last thing you do. All of this is why you had officially decided you were ready to sleep with him. That and the fact it was getting harder and harder to pull away from him. So when he reaches your dorm room, wearing a ivy green sweater pushed up to his forearms, wire glasses hung low on his nose, and grey sweats, your excuse is you’re only just a girl. A girl with an entire meal for a boyfriend. You’re supposed to be studying but none of your books are open before you’re straddling him on the bed.

“Someone missed me today huh?” he teased with a light squeeze to your waist and you fight everything in you to not roll your hips on top of him.

“I always miss you” you tell him, hands holding yourself up on his firm chest. He had filled out since Freshman year, more meat on his bones, yet just as lean.

“Even when you’re with me?” he asks, hands reaching to remove the readers that were meant for studying he never got too.

“Sometimes, but only if we haven’t talked in a while or were busy doing other things” this sentence has him pulling you down to meet his lips which you happily accept. You can tell he’s surprised when you deepen it but it lasts only a moment until he matches the pace and dares his tongue past your lips.

“I gotta say baby, I’m loving this mood you’re in” he says trying not to sound to breathless when he pulls away and you grin, hands dancing along his chest and to his abdomen.

“What do you say we remove this pesky sweater?” you grin deviously and he raises his eyebrows as your fingers start bunching the fabric up, revealing an expanse of skin. Your mouth practically waters at the happy trail now revealed to you, hair he had also just grown in the last few years of college.

“You sure baby?” he asks but you don’t need to answer because you’re practically lifting him by the sweater to get it over his head, taking the white T-shirt underneath with it too.

“What, want me to remove mine too?” you ask and his mind actually malfunctions for a moment, unsure of how to respond because he truly had only seen you in a bra a few times. He never comes up with a response because now you’re lifting the red Harvard t-shirt above your head and revealing the white lace bra from underneath. He visibly gulps, eyes darting between your chest and face as he tries to comprehend what’s happening.

“Listen, baby. If we start this I’m not sure I’m going to be able to stop. I also have play practice in two hours and it’ll be so much harder leaving knowing I have you in bed like this” Neil tells you and you chuckle.

“Two hours is plenty of time, and you can always come back after” you tell him and his whole face reddens all the way down to his neck.

“You’re being serious, you want to do this?” he says and you nod almost instantly.

“I’ve already made up my mind, the only way I’ll stop now is if you’re not serious about me. I don’t want to do this and then have you leave me behind” you tell him and his face instantly softens towards you, hands pulling your face to his own.

“I’ve been serious about you ever since that day you sat with me in the library” and his confession is enough to make you kiss him again and Neil doesn’t miss the slight roll of your hips. You know you have his attention now based on the way he’s started to harden beneath you, no longer fighting the urge. Just as your tongue darts past his lips you grind against him again which makes him put his hands on your ass, holding you in place because one more movement and he’d be harder than a rock. That’s what you wanted anyway.

After a beat you break apart from his lips, something he protests to but stops when he realizes you’re reaching behind you to unclasp your bra. His throat has gone dry and as much as he feels panic rushing through him it is also paired with excitement. He knows not to stop you again, that you’re on a mission. So he does the only thing he can think of and just watches as the fabric loosens and slides down your shoulders. You don’t have to ask if he likes how you look considering he is now fully hard against your backside.

“It’s okay baby, you can touch me” you whisper to him like it’s your secret. He hesitates only slightly which has you guiding his hands and placing them over each breast. Your nipples harden under his palm which urges him to finally grope. The feeling of his hands and look of awe in his eyes has you grinding against him again. Now lost completely in your touch he leans up and places a nipple in his mouth. Your arms wrap around his neck as a moan bellows from you. Once he has given both breasts his attention you push him back down onto the bed, needing more skin to skin contact. His stomach jumps when you slide off him, shimmying down his body and curling your fingers into his waistband. His pants were tented and he couldn’t believe you were about to pull them off right now. Your lips meet his pelvic bone which makes him gasp.

“Shit, baby. Please” and you know exactly what he means. So you pull the sweatpants along with his boxers down, allowing him to spring free. Your brain short circuits as you look at the sheer size of him. You need to taste him immediately which is why you give no warning when you suck the head of his cock into your mouth. The precum is sweet on your tongue as Neil moans out, hips lifting to find some relief.

Seeing how well he responds you suck as much of him as you can into your mouth. He’s whining needily which urges you in to suck him for all he’s worth. Seeing how hard he has gotten for you has made you so wet you can feel it soaking through your underwear. When it all becomes too much for him he pulls you off, not wanting to finish before pleasuring you. “My turn baby, been dying to taste you for so long now”

Your eyes can barely leave his cock, now covered in your spit and hard against his stomach. It clearly needs attention but he wants to take care of you. So Neil lays you back in his spot, his own hands dipping underneath the fabric of your pants and pulling them down your legs. Neil’s eyes never leave your body as it is fully revealed to him. As much as you want to be shy you know you shouldn’t be based on the way he is looking at you, so you open your legs for him to see. “You’re so wet baby”

“All for you” you tell him and he grins, finger reaching out and sliding through your folds. Your head falls back when it bumps against your clit and Neil smiles before repeating the same action with his tongue. He had imagined how you would taste hundreds of times but this was better. You tasted so much better than anything he could’ve conjured up. Neil is no longer worried about going too far and has started to devour you like a man starved. He’s so good and you are so glad you finally decided to do this. Imagining going back to a life without Neil eating you was a life not worth living.

“Fuck, I need to be inside of you baby” and you nod eagerly, grinning at the slick that covers his chin. He watches as you reach to the bedside table, opening the drawer, and grabbing a condom you had stashed in there. Neil knows now you had been planning this all along. He wastes no time putting it on before lining up at your entrance. Your hands hold his biceps, eagerly waiting the moment he’d break that barrier for you. Officially make you no longer a virgin.

You’re whimpering as he runs his tip through your folds, on the verge of begging him to do something when finally he pushes in only slightly. You wince which makes him freeze. “It’s okay, keep going”

“You sure?” and you nod, holding him close as he slowly moves inside. It doesn’t take long for the pain to turn to pleasure and Neil closes his eyes, trying to think of anything else other than the fact that you were practically sucking him in. Usually the image of Nolan in his underwear did it for him.

“Please move” you whisper and Neil nods feverishly, slowly pulling his hips back before thrusting back into you. You don’t expect the low moan to rattle out of you due to the movement and once it reaches Neil’s ears he finds a quick pace, pumping into you like a man who no longer has anything holding back.

“Shit, you feel so good” Neil doesn’t think he has ever experienced this type of bliss before. There will never again be no better feeling in the world especially because the girl he loves so much is now marked entirely as his. You have no idea about the ring he has stashed away for graduation, and you have no idea he had planned on marrying you since the first day you both met. He would’ve been fine waiting until marriage but for once he finally understands why it was so good to wait for the right person. Yes, sex could be about the feeling but when you love the person you’re experiencing it with it adds an entire layer of pleasure. Charlie never understood that, Neil couldn’t wait to tell him. Charlie deserved this feeling too.

“Baby, I’m so close” you pant out, and Neil smiles as he leans down to kiss you. He can feel the way you clench around him and he knows he won’t last long. So he moves to speed up the process. You gasp the moment his hand meets your clit, and his mouth meets your nipple. Neil may have been a virgin but he also knew Charlie all his life. He was an expert because of his friend by senior year of high school.

The action alone has you coming undone in seconds, clenching around him so tightly Neil’s movements falter for a moment. When you relax into the mattress, a blissed out look on your face, Neil finds himself letting go and finishing right behind you. When his body weight lands on top of you, you can’t help but smile. Your hand meets the back of his head, fingers running through his hair as he kisses your neck.

“I can’t believe you expect me to still go to play practice after this and remember my lines” Neil says which has you giggling in an instant and Neil hisses when you flutter around his dick still buried deep inside of you. Slowly he pulls out, both of you breathing heavily from the action.

“I’m sorry baby, I just couldn’t wait” you tell him and he smiles as he kisses you sweetly.

“I can’t wait to tell Charlie” he says once he pulls away and you roll your eyes at the mention of his friend. One you had only met once or twice on a Winter or Summer break but knew was Neil’s best friend.

“Of course you would say that” you tell him because whenever Neil accomplished anything his first instinct was to always call Charlie. Charlie heard he got the lead in the play before you did. Yet after everything they had been through together, sometimes you just had to deal with it.

“What, he’s my best friend” Neil defends as you just giggle and pull his lips back to your own.

“Yeah well tell him he has to share”

[angstyteenpoems]

Head cannons for how Charlie found out about Neil and Todd

Dedicated to @gayfandomnerd225 thanks for the inspiration :)

(All under the cut since the post is rlly long, also no beta we die like Neil Perry)

• Charlie slowly picks up on the little moments, the intimate gazes and light touches that the pair share. First he thought it was a friendly thing that they were just more touchy than normal but it all clicked for him one night in the cave. As Neil finished reading a poem and everyone hollered and cheered he was only looking at Todd. They were in their own world that was created for their love. Charlie says nothing, keeping it a secret and enjoys the fact he can see the love between them.

(Okay that was cute and poetic but here is a more accurate Charlie reaction)

• Charlie bursts into Todd and Neil’s room, about to share some exiting news and as he swings the door open there on Neil’s bed is Todd and Neil tongues down each others throats like the hormonal teen boys they are. The room goes quickly quiet and they all stare at each other kinda blankly and in a “Oh shit” way. Charlie slowly and awkwardly closes the door and hurries away. While speed walking down the corridor he can hear some panicked curses coming from inside the room. At the next meal they all avoid eye contact and are extremely focused on the food in front of them, the others wonder what has happened. Later when Cameron is in the library studying and Charlie is in their room alone, Todd and Neil enter very sheepishly. It is very awkward but they explain their relationship and beg him to not tell anyone else. Charlie is completely fine with it and even tho the image of his two friends making out on the bed is burned into his brain for the rest of time things quickly go back to normal. Sometimes Charlie makes a weird remark that makes Todd’s ears turn red and the other poets wonder what’s going on.

• One night in the cave, Todd and Neil have been very quiet the whole time. Well Todd is quiet as usual but it is very odd for Neil. As the meeting comes to an end and the others start to make their exit Neil tells them to stop. He and Todd look at each other encouraging each other on and Neil speaks up and says they are dating. Charlie has a bit of whiplash and now realizes all the moments that Neil and Todd shared weren’t just “Oh they are great friends buddies roommates besties” (So basically Charlie is extremely oblivious the whole time)

• Years later as all the poets have graduated and went on with their lives, Charlie receives a letter from Neil. He has kept in touch with him sometimes but as they chose different paths in life it grew harder and harder each year to remember to contact each other. Well Charlie opens the letter and reads it. It is written in Neil’s beautiful cursive and many memories come flooding back to Charlie. It is a very normal letter, just telling Charlie about his life and career and how wonderful New York really is and how he should visit. All very casual. Charlie is thinking of what he will write back when a peculiar thing about the letter catches his attention. At the bottom, it is signed Neil Anderson-Perry. Charlie connects the dots rather quickly and smiles. (I think this isn’t like Todd and Neil trying to hide their relationship from the poets. I think of it more as a very Neil way to reveal the relationship, mischievous and also daring. Also I think that when Charlie responds and congratulates them Neil will send like a essay explaining how they fell in love and stuff)

(Okay now come the ones where Neil is dead so TW: Suicide and some gore ig?)

• The night Charlie has to break the news to Todd, the night when the boys run outside to cry and mourn, Todd screams a heart wrenching cry. A yawp that burns the soul. And Charlie realized they were in love. Neil and Todd, Todd and Neil were lovers, are lovers. And that Todd would never be full again. And all Charlie can do is cry next to him, and try his best to understand the hurt that Todd feels.

(Okay let’s imagine that but Charlie doesn’t realize that they are lovers. So Neil’s dead and they cry outside but no realization okay?)

• The next weeks are hell for the poets. Cameron’s backstabbing, Keating’s goodbye and almost too much. There is no happiness in them, no new start. (The standing on tables doesn’t happen) and a few day later Todd is found dead in the snow, his blood splattering the white ground as his head has cracked open like a eggshell when he jumped from the roof. His body is cold and wet from the snow but inside his hand a paper that is crumpled has stayed dry. It is adresses to all the poets, even Cameron. No one has the heart or courage to read it and Charlie is the first to be able to smoothen the papers wrinkles and start studying the terrible handwriting of Todd Anderson. It is a letter, written quickly, not in the same way that the thought over poems he used to write were. It was written in anguish. Charlie reads and weeps:

Today I will be the first manned flying Todd Anderson. I will crash land on the ground in hopes that it will send me to a better world. I am terribly sorry for this. This is probably too much pain for you, it was for me. I hope you don’t follow me, because if you do I will not greet you with open arms. I will scream and yell at you, cry why would you do that. I will not be delighted to see you but horrified. I am sure Neil will greet me in the same way. But I do know that I can wait. I can wait centuries until he stops screaming why. I can listen to him cry and even though it will hurt me it will not feel as terrible as I do feel now. Because at least he will be there. If you ever wonder why I did it, you will not have to search for an answer. I did it because of love. I love Neil Perry. We loved each other. And I hope we will reunite and be able to kiss in death.

Please send a copy of this to Mr.Keating, he would want to know. My parents don’t know about this and I wish you could keep it that way.

With all my love and apologies,

Todd

And Charlie finishes the letter. And he feels the love that Neil and Todd have for each other warm his soul.

(Okay sorry to end on a melancholic note but it felt kinda good writing angst. Any away if you or made it this far thanks for reading my brainrot!)

[nogoandbees]

Ten Ways To Say "I Love You" | Neil Perry edition

First one shot of the serie. The gift isn´t mine.

Pairing: Neil Perry x Fem!Reader

Summary: Neil may never dare to say those words out loud, but he will take advantage of every situation to make you feel loved.

Word count: 950

N.A: Well, this was supposed to be a short one shot, but as I really enjoyed writing the first part I've decided to turn this story into a series. I don't really know when I will update the next part, but it will be soon so... stay tune!

This whole fanfic is dedicate to @mietlynn , thank you for all your love and support. I love you sis.

Next part here:

One

Little more than two months had passed since your arrival at Welton Academy. Of course, being the first and only girl to attend the school caused quite a stir, but things calmed down over time.

After being expelled from yor fourth school due to bad behaviour, your grandfather, Mr Nolan, decided that interning you in his own school would give you a lesson. Despite your mother's concern about leaving her little miss surrounded by teenage boys, your behaviour did improve.

Weeks passed and, although the idea of playing a prank on the teachers dangerously caught your attention, you were so immersed in your studies that you had no energy to plan any prank. You finally felt like you were learning useful things, and not the “how to be a lady” nonsense that the nuns tried to teach you in yor preveious schools.

However, what really changed the way you saw the school, were the friends you made there. By the second day you were joking around with Charlie and Meeks, and by the third day, Neil offered you to get into their study group. Not just that, you were proud to be a member of the second generation of dead poets.

Exams period was getting closer, but all of you considered club meetings more than sacred. You don´t really mind to sacrifice a few hours of sleep just to not fall behind on your studies after staying in the cave until late at night.

This particular night you had barely slept. All the poets were so fascinated in Byron's poetry that you all lost track of time. However, the thought of not handing over your trigonometry homework on time kept you awake until the sun began to peek over the horizon. When professor Hager said he would take a point from the final mark if anyone was late on his homeworks, he wasnt kidding.

When you finished the last exercise, you didn't even bother to get into bed. You waited a couple of minutes for the alarm clock to go off and sighed as you reached over it to turn off.

Through your window, you could see the path the dead poets took to go to the cave. A sleepily smile appeared your face at the thought of how quickly you had hit it off with the boys. Maybe, in other circumstances, a girl in a boys school would cause a hormone problem; being the head master´s granddaughter makes boor boys stay away.

Although most of the time you were grateful that it was so, your heart shivers every time Neil looked at you. You knew it was impossible for the boy to feel the same way about you; but you couldn't help but get butterflies in your stomach every time you heard him recite sonnets from Shakespeare, rehearse for his play, or just see him sitting in class with his glasses…

After a while, a bell pulled you out of your thoughts. Without being able to believe it, you grabbed the clock from your table, and with a gasp, you rushed towards the closet. You had wasted an hour rambling about Neil and the club, there were only a few minutes to get dressed and get to trigonometry class.

By running through the corridors and avoiding the rest of the stragglers, you managed to get to class before Mr Hager. You have never considered yourself a religious person, but the fact that the stricter and puntual teacher was five minutes late could be considered a divine miracle.

You sat at your place, behind Neil's, thanking any god in existence for his services. The boy turned to you smiling; he had the same dark circles under his eyes that you after the previous evening.

- For a moment I thought you wouldn't come. Did you stay awake after coming back from the meeting?

- It´s fine. I had to finish today's exercises, I've been up all night. I thought I was late, couldn't even get any breakfast.

As if waiting for a signal, your stomach growled for food. You hadn't realized how hungry you were until that moment.

Neil was about to say something when voices came down the hall. You both turned your gazes towards the door.

- Thank you for solving my doubts, sir.

- It is not necesarry to thank anything, Mr Dalton, but I still don't understand why you couldn't wait until we got to class to answer.

- I couldn't take another second without understanding the argument of complex numbers. I almost felt like I was going to faint!

Mr Hager came through the door followed by Charlie, who was still in the role of his concerned student. The chestnut had left full of numbers under his arm. Before sitting down on his seat, he looked up and winked at you mockingly.

As the teacher got the books ready to start class, Neil turned back to you.

- Are you sure you're okay, darling? It seems that you are going to fall asleep on top of the exercises at any moment -He asked raising an eyebrow

- These exercises worth more than my life right now. I wish I could have taken some coffee from the dining room. -Your stomach sounded again as if you were right.

Neil stifled a laugh as he shook his head in amusement. He casually reached down to pick up his backpack and pulled out a white, messed-up napkin and an apple.

- Sorry to disappoint you then. -He smiled as he placed the wrappers on your desk.

Curiously you unwrapped the napkin and you see a couple of toasts.

- I couldn't fit a coffee pot in my backpack.

~ End of the first chapter

[fandomfiish]

@inahallucination @theluminoussunflower ah yeah i still don't know who to tag so yeah KASDJASKDJAK am still writing the ATBDATE Au but this has been on my mind all day so I had to write.

"I do not understand why my son would ever do this, and it breaks my heart that-"

"Oh please, Mr. Perry you of all people should know why he did it!" Charlie's interrupted Mr. Perry's monologue causing all heads to turn to him, and he was smiling even through the tears that were still falling.

"What?" Mr. Perry could only say as he didn't expect anyone to interrupt him. Knox and the others looked at Charlie, some were trying to look at him pleading for him to just shut up. To Knox this honestly felt like the time Charlie did the call from god act on Mr. Nolan, this time though looking at Todd who was not stopping Charlie at all, both knew this was warranted.

After all, only Charlie Dalton can tell an adult a piece of his mind.

"Oh I don't know, at the night of his very first performance a night he worked so hard for, he was great ..." Charlie choked but with a deep breath he continued on. "He was really great, and you know that Mr. Perry since you were there. But what did you do Mr. Perry? Instead of celebrating your son's amazing performance you scolded him, humiliated him in public, and took him home without giving him any time to explain." Charlie let out a humorous laugh, as the other attendants started to whisper amongst themselves, apparently, this was not a known thing, and Charlie was glad they weren't the only ones who knew.

"I prohibited him from going to the play and he disobeyed me, what else am I supposed to do?" Mr. Perry spat as Mrs. Perry looked at his husband pleading with him to stop.

"Why? Is it because it's not part of your plan to vicariously live through your son's life? Is it because of how you want your son to live how you wanted you lived rather than letting him make his decisions and supporting him?" Charlie countered, the poets saw Charlie getting seemingly composed with a bittersweet grin, it was as if he was just waiting to say all of this to Mr. Perry.

"What do you know? You're an awful influence on my son, you were the reason why he decided to go through all of this stuff, to join that Dead poets society, and caused his life to fall apart." Mr. Perry countered, and it seems to have worked because Charlie's face fell, an uncertain look on his face and Knox knows well that he was already doubting himself in his head and what Mr. Perry just said isn't helping his case. Knox looked at Todd and the other nods, knowing they have to help their friend.

Knox stands up, along with Todd.

"That's not true Mr. Perry, Charlie was Neil's closest friend. And unlike you, he actually supports and helps Neil in all of his endeavors." Knox spoke, which surprised Mr. Perry and the Overstreets yet Knox didn't care.

"H-He's right, Charlie was always there to cheer Neil up whenever he's down, or whenever y-you say something that demotivates Neil." Todd continues, and they can both already see Todd's parents looking at him with wide eyes, Todd never met theirs as he kept his glare at Mr. Perry who looked surprised, his face getting redder by the second.

"You three, how dare you say all of these things on the wake of my dead son?" Charlie scoffed at the word 'my son' yet said nothing. "I want you three out of this funeral!" Todd's eyes widened and the three looked at each other, Charlie knew he would get kicked out when he started talking a while ago but he didn't expect for Knox and Todd to had his back, yet a part of him was glad he had friends who backed him up. So Charlie stood defiantly to Mr. Perry with a grin.

"Good, I don't want to stay any longer to this facade of a funeral." Charlie then looked at the two as well as the other poets.

"Let's go?" It was an invitation to the remaining sitting poets, hoping they'll join them. Unsurprisingly Knox was the first to join him, with a nervous smile the two gave a knowing look. And then next was Todd, to his parent's chargin as Mr. Anderson ordered his son to sit down, but was silenced by the person beside him, Charlie remembered that it was Todd's older brother, Jeff Anderson. Charlie gave him a thankful nod and Jeff nods.

The three stood there, as they gave themselves thirty seconds to wait for the others before they leave.

At twenty seconds Meeks stood up and joins them, his parents were surprised at his decision but before they could speak, in a quick motion Pitts stood up and went beside Meeks. Though surprisingly Pitts parents weren't surprised, they were even smiling at their son.

At ten seconds they looked at the last poets sitting, Richard Cameron as he didin't even met their eyes, just looking straight at Neil's coffin and as much Charlie dislike the other, he hoped that at least he'll stand by them right?

Right?

Ten seconds passed, and he didn't move a muscle, and Charlie could see the disappointed looks from the others and he decided to make the first move and left the venue with the others joining him.

...............................................

"Charlie." It was Knox. "Where do we go now?"

Charlie thought of it for a while until he found an answer. "Let's go to the cave? Give him a proper funeral?" The others seem to like the idea, as they started to talk livelier as they arrive near the parking lot.

"We should buy some food." Pitts supplied.

"And drinks, because I don't know about you but after all that happened I'm thirsty," Meeks added which made them all laugh.

They continued conversing until a car stopped right in front of them, Charlie and the others were confused at first until the driver's seat door opened revealing none other than Mr. Keating.

"Mr. Keating!" The others greeted him, surprised yet elated to see their favorite teacher. "I thought Mr. Perry prohibited you from going?" Charlie couldn't help but ask.

"It is true that I am not allowed to join the funeral of Neil Perry, however ..." He looks at Charlie and smiles. "I expected something like this to happen and decided to check on you boys." Charlie looked bashful for a moment knowing that Mr. Keating knew that somehow he would make a scene.

"I ... How?" Charlie could only ask.

"Phone call from god." The other replied which caused Charlie to laugh. "I mean the two of them deserved it." He defends himself.

"You don't have to worry about it Mr. Dalton." Mr. Keating smiles which slowly melted any doubt in Charlie's mind. Then opted to change the subject. "So to what destination are you kids heading in?"

"W-we decided to go to the cave and have a meeting in remembrance of Neil, but we thought we should buy snacks as well," Todd answered, always calmer whenever Mr. Keating or Neil is around.

"Well, then why don't I join you in this meeting? Just like that night?" Mr. Keating smiles, and the others agreed with him and started to let themselves in his car with Charlie in the front.

Once the others were situated Mr. Keating start the car and starts driving to the supermarket after Pitts pleas for sustenance which made the others laugh.

"Since we're all situated I wanna ask why Mr. Cameron didn't join you?" Mr. Keating asked and the other boys shrugged, not knowing what really to say, or perhaps not wanting to say it.

"You know him Mr. Keating, always the holier than thou guy, I wished he joined us but knowing him he probably would rather keep himself in the good graces of the adults there." Knox was the one who explained.

"I just hope he doesn't rat on us." Todd was the one who spoke, which caused the car to be silent for a moment.

"I hope so too Todd." Charlie spoke as they ride to the supermarket.

...................................

He psyched himself up.

He can do this.

This is the only way he can save the others.

This is the only way he can help them not suffer the same fate as Neil.

He knew that Charlie would make a scene, but he didn't expect Todd to defend him. Knox wasn't as much of a surprise knowing those two, and yet Meeks and Pitts later stood by them as well.

And he knew they all waited for him to join, and yet he can't

He just can't.

And he know's he's the only one who can do this.

He stared at the door in front of him, knowing full well what will happen once he enters this door.

A breath and he knocks.

A voice so familiar was heard inside the room.

"Come in."

He turns the knob even if a nagging part of him is trying to stop himself but he didn't.

It's now or never.

"Mr. Nolan, I've come to confess everything."

Mr. Nolan looked at him and he felt himself getting small.

"About what?"

Another breath.

"About the Dead poet's society."

Mr. Nolan's eyes widened for a second before his face transform into a scowl.

"Sit down and tell me everything."



@inahallucination @theluminoussunflower ah yeah i still don't know others to tag so yeah KASDJASKDJAK am still writing the ATBDATE Au but this has been on my mind all day so I had to write.

[rrcenic]

in memory of neil perry on his. suicide day lol. i’m dropping my anderperry playlist 💪💪💪

im putting the songs, the artists, and some reasons/lyrics that put them on my list :)

just take my wallet by jack stauber

it’s singing to a loved one who is no longer there, implied that they took their own life

lyrics that give anderperry vibes:

“your mamas crying for you”

“good times are singing, they sang, they sang, those times are echoing through me”

“what’s the softest way to say you took away my friend, my buddy, what’s the kindest way to say the end”

hidden in the sand by tally hall

this song is a bit unsettling but sweet and sad. it’s about confusion and love

there are no lyrics that really scream anderperry, it’s just the vibes tbh

when she loved me by sarah mclachlan

yeah this was the toy story song. but it still. it’s just. aaaah

it’s a forlorn memory of a love that is gone

lyrics:

literally all of them are anderperry istg

this december by ricky montgomery

i’ve actually already made a post about this!! https://www.tumblr.com/rrcenic/735574508285689856/this-december-by-ricky-montgomery-is-the

talk to me by cavetown

this song holy shiiiit-

it’s kind of. it’s like asking someone you love that it’s okay to talk to you about their problems. saying it’s okay to not be perfect.

lyrics that scream anderperry:

“we can talk here on the floor, on the phone if you prefer, i’ll be here until you're okay”

“let your words release your pain, you and i will share the weight, growing stronger day by day”

“it’s so dark outside tonight, build a fire warm and bright, and the wind, it howls and bites”

“anxiety, tossing, turning in your sleep, even if you run away, you still see them in your dreams”

“it's so dark tonight, it looks nice, fall asleep, it's alright, come inside, and talk to me”

smoke signals by cavetown

i know i’m a freak, ripped the band-aid, broke the peace, took the lock but lost the key”

“guess i set you free, i hope you found a place to sleep, i know you're bound to think of me”

“you can come home to me when you're ready, i left the gate unlocked for you, til then i’m sending out smoke signals, hoping i’ll see yours too”

also, the ending is just repeating the line “i miss you” seven times as it fades out

the village by wrabel

this song is technically about the transmasc experience in a conservative area but i think some of the messages fit anderperry so well!!

learning from someone wiser that you don’t need to be ashamed of yourself, the hate you can get from your family for being queer, the fact that there is nothing wrong with you and your gender and your sexuality and your dreams, very dps coded

it also discusses the fact that oppression of young queer folks can often lead to suicide

lyrics:

no, your mom don't get it, and your dad don't get it, uncle john don't get it. and you can't tell grandma, cause her heart can't take it, and she might not make it. they say don’t dare, don’t you even go there”

“feel the rumors follow you from monday all the way to friday dinner, you’ve got one day of shelter then it's sunday hell to pay, you young lost sinner”

“well i’ve been there, sitting in that same chair, whispering that same prayer half a million times. it’s a lie though, buried in disciples, one page of the bible isn't worth a life”

these are just the first few songs that come to mind for anderperry, but i’m sure there’s more!! anyways rip neil you slayed 😔

[felix-the-third]

First review of the month let's go!

Also spoiler warning

I'm gonna review dead poets society.

let's just the last 30 minute broke me like damn, I never actually thought I cried so hard in a movie so much like, damn like why, why,

You see I actually thought this was my comfort movie until... Still is. Yeah you know I'm still in denial and todd and Neil lives happily ever after. Neil became a famous actor and Todd became a writer. That's it. Except no. Actually it didn't. Anyway continueing on.

Mr keating. Or if I dare say oh captain my captain. Has to be one of my favourite teachers in movie history, because he tought them important lessons, like to seize the day and act out and show the world or live your life to the fullest because you only get one (Well the message I got ) honestly Mr keating, is just beyond one of my favourite people.

Neil Perry. I have alot of thoughts on this guy, but I'm gonna have to summaries it because if I didn't then let's just say I'll need another blog... Anyway Neil Perry, he really is amazing and actually a character that I dearly hold close to my heart because not only did he try, he did, he went to that play and he performed, and he performed his heart out, he did what he loved and executed it amazingly but its only what happened after the play and after he sat in that car. I think Neil was just tired. Tired of being top in everything, tired of his father (wich I deeply despise with my whole heart) but i think the dead poets gave him some sort of energy, anyway that's all cause as you can see I can rant for a long time.

Todd Anderson. Gotta kin him, actually I'm literally him, anyway again, like Neil I have alot on this guy, you know I have alot on everyone. The reason I really like Todd because he's shy and anxious yes but you can see he tried all the way (and also with Neil's and dead poets help also not to forget Mr keating) but I just feel that Todd is this really nice and kind person who cares alot and so much about everyone but also overthinks every word he says sometimes, and you can see how deep him and Neil went, when he broke down in the snow.

Charlie doltan or NUWANDA. LOVE HIM TO BITS, like he's just, yes, kind of class clown or a trouble maker yes, But, you can see he deeply cares for his friends and loves them all, alright that's all I have, right now on Charlie. But somehow he's my favourite out of all of them.

Knox overstreet. I didn't really get much about knox except he really liked Chris, though he's alright, maybe I'll rewatch dps again but I think knox is alright. Though he did have some courage to go to school and talk Chris.

Steven Meeks. Honestly how does he do well in maths, like how, anyway, again I don't really get to know his back story or upbringing but in all honesty one of my favourite characters not gonna lie just his way of joking around and going with the flow sometimes.

Gerard Pitts. Again I don't have much on him but I found the scene really cute when he was dancing with meeks, on their radio, so I actually like him

Richard Cameron. Right. I have mixed feelings for this guy, but I think he did deserve that punch from Charlie cause yes I guess he really didn't want to get into trouble, but selling your friends out, is that really worth it, I don't have words on this dude so yeah.

Chris Noel. I actually, genuinely like her, like she seems really nice and has a really kind heart. Though again I didn't see much of her though wish I did.

Anyway Review done and if you actually read this whole thing, then wow you deserve like medal or something like wow. You really read this rubbish review.

[inahallucination]

my head is /not/ hurting for once but i have another teacher au anyway

everyone knows that mr. perry, the social butterfly, fun, and nice teacher is married to mr. anderson, the soft spoken, sweet, and shy teacher

it’s hard not to know when mr. anderson is mr. perry’s favorite conversation topic

no seriously this man brings him up no matter what is going on

like, during ice breakers on the first day of class

“hi!! my name is Suzie. I’m a freshman, and an interesting fact about me is... i really like the color blue.” 

“nice to meet you Suzie, my husband’s eyes are blue, so i’d say it’s my favorite too” at the time everyone went awwwwww but little did they know that by the end of the year they’d be todd anderson experts

or when mr. perry asked someone how school was going and they said:

“We’re reading Astrophil and Stella in English class-” 

“My Todd loves Astrophil and Stella - his favorite is sonnet 45″

or when someone went to mr. perry for homework help

“hey mr, perry could you explain this to me, i’m kinda confused.”

neil (dreamily) “did you know my husband todd wrinkles his nose when he’s confused?”

“uhh no....?” hahawhatthefuckisgoingon

“yeah it’s the cutest, he’s the cutest” 

or when someone was having a heart to heart 

“I just get distracted easily”

“i hear ya, i went to high school with my husband, and i had such a hard time paying attention in classes, especially during ones we shared. When we both got a job here, i was worried i wouldn’t be able to concentrate at all--”

“...maybe i should just go talk to my therapist instead...”

or when no one is talking to him

“hey mr. anderson looked so cute today”

“Lily! you can’t say that about our teacher.”

Neil, popping out of nowhere, “yes that is highly inappropriate, how dare you  insinuate that my husband isn’t always cute?”

wait where was i going with this

oh right

so mr. perry is completely, and deeply, and madly, and sometimes annoyingly, in love with mr anderson.

But mr. anderson never talks about mr. neil

and at first no one thinks anything about it since mr, anderson never really shares anything - he’s a very private person

but he never brings it up

until

until one day someone, feeling a little bad for mr. perry, asks mr anderson,

“Hey mr. A? what is your favorite thing about mr Perry?”

“... huh? why do you ask?”

“oh you know, he talks about his favorite things about you a lot -- hint hint it’s everything”

and mr. anderson blushes a deep red before pulling up a 3k+ slide powerpoint

.

.

. 

they only get through one part but now mr. anderson’s third period class has a very deep knowledge on why mr. perry’s bone structure is perfect

.

anyway anderperry are smitten with each other, todd is just shy

.

.

.

@poetofthedyingstars

@aedan-mills

@maisietheweltoncow 

[emilythefern]

*decently sized* fanfic on a prompt of your choice (mutuals only)

how about anderperry pre relationship with todd saying "make me" and that's how their first kiss happens! they try to hide their relationship from others, but they figure it out quite quickly and they're supportive about it idc!!! ft mr keating also figuring it out and todd coming out to jeff pretty please?? i can't handle too much angst btw hehe, sorry this is too much <333

perfect

Todd hadn’t meant to snap at Neil. He was just really cranky, and had a pounding headache. Despite all this, he still had to power through some trigonometry, because it was due the next day. Any missing homework assignments meant a point off their final grade, and Todd couldn’t afford that. So when Neil entered the dorm humming under his breath, it was the final straw for Todd, frazzled as ever.

“God, would you shut up?”

Neil looked shocked, amused, and a little hurt. “Someone’s in a mood.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just so fed up with this trig work, and I’ve got a headache. But the work is due tomorrow…..”

Neil frowned. “Take a small break. C’mon”

But Todd was firm in his seat, pen clutched in hand. “Make me.”

A grin broke out across Neil’s face. He looked mischievous and daring. “Ok.”

And he pulled Todd up out of his chair and kissed him.

Neil KISSED Todd.

It was unheard of. It was crazy. It was actually amazing, if you asked Todd. His head was spinning, not just because of his headache. He was on cloud 9. Could 10, if the cloud scale went up any higher. He couldn’t believe NEIL PERRY was kissing HIM.

Then he pulled back.

Neil looked panicked. “I’m sorry, was that bad? Are you ok? Wait, are you not-“

Todd almost laughed. “I’m fine. And that was the best kids I’ve ever had. The only, actually. But I’m sure it would be the best if I had had other kisses.”

Neil relaxed. “Ok, ummm… that’s good. Really good.”

“Yeahhhhhhhhh.” Todd fiddled with his fingers, feeling a little weird. Why was the transition from roommates to THIS so, well, awkward?

“Can we not tell the others?” Todd asked quietly but determined. He didn’t really want his family somehow finding out. His mother and father were as intolerant as they came. Jeff was a lot better, and had a few gay friends, but Todd would think about Jeff later.

“Secret Romance. Got it!” Neil winked, and Todd felt like a main character in a rom-com movie.

“Can we kiss again?” God, why was he so awkward.

“Hell yeah. Was that a little too enthusiastic?”

Todd chuckled. “Definitely.”

~ ~ ~

They tried to keep it a secret. But it was painfully obvious to everyone, the poets included. But before anyone else caught on, perhaps even Todd himself, Mr. Keating had seen how hard Neil had been crushing for Todd. When Todd had done his ‘unorthodox’ poetry reading, Neil had stared adoringly the entire time. He saw how he pushed Todd to join in plans, and raced across the courtyard to walk next to him. He wasn’t even remotely surprised when he saw Todd holding Neil hand on the top of the bridge, laughing about something about a ‘flying deskset’. The wonders of young love, he guessed.

~ ~ ~

“Todd?”

Todd turned around as he was about to leave the dorm, bundled up in a scarf his mum had knitted him. “Yeah?”

“Good luck.” Neil gave him a peck on the cheek for luck (or confidence, whichever he needed).

Todd had planned to meet Jeff outside Welton for a stroll, and to tell him about Neil.

To come out, he should say. He promised himself he would tell it like it was, and starting with his internal monologue would be a good start.

“Hey Todd!” Jeff waved cheerily. It had been confused why his brother had invited him to his school, despite not having spoken in months, he didn’t show it.

“Hi, Jeff.” Todd made small talk, the weather and old teachers Jeff had been taught by in his time. It was nice, but not the kind of relationship the two had.

“Todd, why did you really ask me here? It’s been lovely catching up with you, but we don’t do that,” Jeff had taken the words right out of Todd’s mouth. “So why did you ask me here? What do you want to tell me?”

Todd took a deep, shaky breath. “Jeff, I’m gay.”

“Ok.” Jeff ran a hand through his hair nonchalantly.

“Ok?” Ok??? What did OK mean?

“Jeez, Todd I thought you were going to tell me you killed someone or something. It’s ok If you’re gay. I support you!”

“And I’m dating Neil.”

A second of silence.

“That Perry kid? I remember him. How is he?”

Todd couldn’t believe he had been so nervous for THIS. This was the easiest thing he’d ever done. He chuckled. “Neil’s good. Really good. Top marks AND an actor. He’s amazing.”

Jeff put an arm around Todd’s shoulder. “You got lucky, I think. Tell him Jeff said hi.”

“Will do.” Was it really this easy to be honest?

As they walked back up to the gates together, Todd couldn’t help but smile. Everything was going just the way he wanted it to.

It was Perfect.

the regular gang: @inahallucination @aedan-mills @deadpoetsbythelakes @exilesblack @maisietheweltoncow @aaronhoetchner @justarandompjofan

[catalvarezs]

tw: rant, abusive(?) parenting, spoilers for dead poets society

look, i fucking love dead poets society and i think every bit of that movie is a peice of fucking art. but i don't think everyone talks how goddamn meaningful this scene is:

here, neil's just had a conversation with his abusive father about his dreams. not neil's, his father's. this scene starts off with him givng neil an order, and neil, caught up in the joy of meeting his friends, talking back (i.e.: speaking up for himself)

the second mr. perry and neil are alone, that's the first thing he says to his son. "dont you dare oppose me in public" or a variation of that.

they go on to argue for a bit, but just when things get heated, neil says this.

if anyone's ever been raised in an abusive or semi-abusive childhood with parents who wanted you live for them instead of for you, i think you saw yourself in neil throughout the movie, but maybe this is where you started.

in this scene, we see neil as just him. not the charming student, not the charismatic roommate, not the leader friend, but just neil. its a scene where we see the inner turmoil in his heart, his aching and yearning and smallness for the first time.

it's not until the end of the movie we understand the full scope of it

in the beginning, neil is fully ready to argue for himself, but the second he's alone with his father, he realizes that his father's reaction in public, and in private, is always going to different, often worse.

here, we see neil realize that he is not going to win. that it will just keep getting worse and worse and there is no way out of this. he backtracks this quickly because its better to have the conversation over with and be on his father's good side instead of letting it drag out to a worse outcome. there's a part of him that whispers "maybe he's right. maybe you're just being selfish"

maybe this scene isn't all this special, and i could be over-analyzing this. but this is the scene that made me realize that neil perry wasn't the catalyst to todd's character development, nor the one who made everyone smile. he was just a boy who had to pretend to be everything else.

[mauvefayette6]

Sneaking Out

master list

Charlie Dalton: Charlie loved sneaking out of Welton to go out to see you. Although sometimes he was so close to being caught. You went to the girls prep school sister to Welton's all-boys school. The administration was a lot stricter at the girls prep school then Welton was. They wanted to prevent girls from being close to the boys.

Chris Noel: Chris wasn't the type of person to want to do daring things. She hated going out and putting herself at risk. But when you came by for a surprise visit she had no other choice but to go out at night with you. It was 2a.m and it was the most fun she had in a very very long time.

Gerard Pitts: Gerard was always too scared to sneak out and go to your school. So, much to the dismay to everyone in the Dead Poets Society, he invited you to the meetings. To say the least sneaking out of your school was super hard to do. But you always some how made it alive and sade to their meetings.

Knox Overstreet: Knox was used to sneaking out of Welton, you weren't used to sneaking out the house to go see him. Knox always told you that it was alright if he had to bike to your school or your house. You always felt guilty that you were only able to sneak out three times. The rest of the times you were either caught by Chris, your mom, and once by your grandmother.

Neil Perry: Going to the girls prep school was like hell, it was worse then Welton was. You were lucky to be able to sneak off to go to Neil's D.P.S meetings. But you did it with a smile because Neil would walk you to the gates of the school and help you sneak back in without getting caught.

Richard Cameron: You really wanted to see Cameron, it had been a few weeks since the last time you saw him. You sent him a letter because he wasn't allowed a personal cell phone at the school. You wrote to tell him to call you when he could. Your phone rang as you eagerly hit the green button, "are you okay?!" A very concerned Cameron asked, "Yes! I just missed you, sneak out yeah?" You asked a little to eagerly as you facepalmed and slightly cringed. "Um... I'll see if I can," he whispered back. You grinned, "I'll wait for you outside your school." You hung up before he could answer as you got dressed in your best outfit before sneaking out yourself. He did end up arriving although twenty minutes after.

Steven Meeks: Meeks always advised you not to sneak out, saying if you got caught trying to sneak into Welton not only would you get in trouble but he would get expelled. You told him that you were like a spy or private investigator, you weren't ever going to get caught. He reluctantly agreed to sneaking out with you. You taught him how to bike and every once in a while you two would bike into town.

Todd Anderson: Todd didn't like the idea of sneaking out, at least with the Dead Poets Society the people in already knew how to get out. He didn't know the school as good as they did and was scared that he'd get you in trouble. You told him not to worry that if you two did get caught you'd bribe them with money to let him stay at school. "They always want money here at Welton anyways." You winked.

[joaned-and-arced]

stars, i defy you, stars - 11/01/2021

short angsty anderperry fic <3 i’m writing for every day of november, here’s day one!

word count: 1.1k

———————

todd sits on the trembling radiator, its heat simply filling him with a chilling feeling. because that wasn’t his spot. it was neil’s. it was NEIL’S spot in the room, and it could never be todd’s. but still, he sits with arms crossed, unable to notice the fraying edges of his sweater sleeves, because all he can think is that he is in NEIL’S spot.

somewhere in todd’s mind exists a world where neil is sitting in that spot. because he came home, to their dusty paradise, instead of getting into the car. neil didn’t get into the car, perhaps because todd mouthed three quiet words, and neil had just one reason not to get in the damn car and drive away.

instead, he told his father no.

he laughed along with the poets as they rubbed his shoulders, echoing congratulations about his outstanding performance. he did good. he did so good. and he KNEW he did so good. mr. keating gave the final word into packing the boys into his car, causing neil to smile. he /smiled/, and he didn’t look back for a second.

he didn’t look back at his father, who stood begrudgingly in the snow.

he didn’t look back towards the theater, even as snowflakes fell perfectly onto its chiseled details.

he didn’t even look back at anyone sitting in the back seat- because he didn’t need to. neil knew they were all behind him. neil knew.

the dark-haired boy sat atop the radiator as soon as he entered the dorm, adrenaline still coursing through his veins. his borrowed scarf was quickly discarded to land in a pile of winter clothes, and he stepped past his bed with no regard to the small package lying upon the bedspread. he hadn’t noticed it at all, having made a beeline towards the window.

he didn’t dare say anything on his mind, and todd knew better than to ask.

todd, who still stood in the doorframe, quickly took a step, shutting the door behind him. he locked it.

“you did amazing.” a whisper, if anything at all.

“i felt amazing.” then the reply, that came so naturally in neil’s low, midsummer night’s voice. his voice, the voice of tchaikovsky’s swan lake, the voice of a thousand suns and stars.

todd could hear the smile in neil’s voice. because neil was PROUD. anyone could have heard the pride in his voice. not anyone could have heard the slightest tremble in neil’s voice.

but todd could.

the boy with the champagne colored hair stepped away from the door, nervously pacing towards neil’s bed before swiftly picking up the parcel. the parcel, which had been imperfectly wrapped in reused newspapers, couldn’t have weighed more than a pound.

“i got you something. i know it’s not christmas yet, but i couldn’t wait.” a shrug followed these 14 words, then a soft chuckle followed the shrug.

neil shook his head in disbelief for a second before standing up. “you’re kidding! it’s my lucky day!” a controlled exclamation- a cautious one, in case the red-haired boy across the hall was in an ill mood.

the boy with the hickory brown hair then turned his back to the window, facing the boy with the sandy hair, and the dim yellow light that snuck in through the cracks if the door behind him. and the boy with the hickory brown hair smiled. a real smile, which made the boy with the sandy hair smile in return as he held out the gift.

neil’s left hand came up to grab it, and his fingers traced over the label that he was yet to read. but instead of flicking on the lamp, neil laughed to himself- following the glow of the moonlight back to the radiator. he stood silently for half of a moment, before beginning to read.

“to neil perry, for being the madman who taught me how to fly.” neil turned over his left shoulder to look at todd, whose hands were stuffed in his pockets as he seemed to anxiously await judgement.

neither said a word as neil began to unwrap the gift, revealing a worn leather bound book- leaves of grass by walt whitman. neil grinned, then todd grinned, because todd knew neil’s favorite was walt whitman, and because todd knew neil knew he knew.

“thank you so much.” a soft sentiment, nearly whispered. todd said nothing in return, only giving an innocent look. the look simply said ‘open it’, and neil was able to know exactly what todd meant.

another half moment of silence would pass by before neil began to scan the first page. a poem, not by walt whitman, scribbled into the margins of the first empty page. the brunet faced the moonlight, his hands gently cradling the book as if it were priceless art.

and with a nod of consent from todd, he began to read.

“oh adonis, thou art so far from reach

the glistening night’s forbidden fruit tree

dear star, why must thee linger so close yet feel cold?

the heat so commanding, thine fire unfolds

adonis, the weeping, jewels shed from thine eyes

droplets of stars, shining brighter than sky

words wrapped in silk, hands wrapped around one,

oh how i wish i were such silk, being spun

thou art adonis,

the morning god’s son

but i am only icarus,

crashing towards the sun”

the words fell from neil’s lips like he was drooling ambrosia. he blinked as he repeated the last phrase. “i am only icarus, crashing towards the sun.

“you’re the sun.” a hardly-heard statement emerges from the blue-eyed boy. “you’re the sun, neil, i-“

“i love you,” said neil.

…but neil never said that. because he did get into his father’s car, missing the moment where todd mouthed those three loud words. neil never said those words because he never came home, and he never would. he would never smile as he realized he was the sun, or shout from the open window “stars, i defy you, stars!” moments before kissing todd with every single cell in his body. because neil was dead.

neil’s dead.

and if neil’s dead, there’s no one to fill his spot on the radiator. no one but todd. so todd sits, with the wrapped gift held tightly in between his hands- the gift he never got to give, the words he never got to say.

so todd sits. he sits as imperfect snowflakes flutter by, gathering upon the windowpane. they freeze. the sun hasn’t come out. because NEIL was the SUN, and neil’s dead.

todd often dreams of the world that he’s created within his mind. he envies that world, the one that was never even his to begin with.

it’s christmas morning, and todd couldn’t go home.

it’s christmas morning, and todd is frozen to the heating system.

it’s christmas morning, and todd misses the sun.

his sun.

[poetswhiskey]

Rain Rain , stay here please

anderperry

tw: allusions to suicide

neil lives au - fluff & minor angst

“Neil,” Todd mumbled, the soft heat of skin seeping through his collar, cheek pressed against the bone and tucked beneath his chin.

“We should get to class.”

He can feel the smile on his lips, their limbs pressed together, his fingers winding further around Todd’s waist and ceiling, the ceiling in all its plain glory stared back. The only eyes watching them now.

Rain patterned down the glass, Neil knew if he craned his head back far enough he’d see the rush of water sweeping through the thick grey air, the cluster of darkness that was a winter morning. He almost wanted to shiver, as if a draft had snuck up upon his neck and tickled down his spine. But he was so incredibly warm, the sheets beneath him in their crisp coolness could not overpower the heat that was Todd pressed to his chest. And the thick fluffy socks they wore beneath their school clothes.

“They’ll come looking for us.” Todd mumbled again, but made no motion of wanting to move even as he shifted a little beneath the soft motion of Neil’s fingers in the feather of his hair.

“Charlie will cover for us.” He responded gently, and if not Charlie, Steven or Gerard or even Cameron.

They never asked, Neil was thankful of that.

“Oh.” And that was that.

When it rained, the world came to a still for Neil. He could find the porcelain shield of glass that seemed to want to shatter at the touch, and watch the trails of winter cascade beyond his touch. He liked to find the calm in the chaos, that single droplet slowly making its way down the pane, creasing between the the clinging fall, like a tear, a last man standing in the battlefield where the sun formed a halo before their body sunk limp within the depths of survival.

There was always something about the rain that made him want to relax, to sit back and breathe. To sleep again and wash away the day.

“Neil?” Todd’s voice again, breaking the gentle hum of tranquility that encased Neil’s mind. He couldn’t bring himself to get frustrated, not with the uncertain waver that followed, the soft rise of intonation that tugged his heart towards that mellow sound.

“Todd?” He grinned back, and the smaller boy shifted once more, popping up into Neils line of sight, and that hair drifting on his head.

“You’d tell me wouldn’t you?” And Neil knows where this is going. “If you ever .. felt like that again?”

Sometimes he wished they’d just say the word, because he wasn’t scared of it, death.

He hummed quietly, eyes tracking Todd’s biting lip and indented with the repetitive action, the furrow of his brow and those eyes, bright, worried eyes.

“Maybe,” he paused, because this was new territory for them, though no label ever formed over their relationship it would kill Neil more to lose Todd. He’s not sure what he would do, whether he would want to do anything at all.

Sometimes it was easy to forget, when the rain was pouring and he felt safe, in Todds arms or Todd in his, safe enough to forget what happened those months prior.

“I’d never leave without saying goodbye.” He said quietly, the light of the room warm and glowing, catching Todd’s face as their gaze locked. It wasn’t a promise, it was a ‘I’ll try’ and Todd exhaled with a dusting of honey in his breath and slumped back against Neil’s chest.

“Sorry,” Neil frowned, and resumed the motion of combing through Todd’s hair as the blonde spoke. “I shouldn’t be - I mean it’s not fair to ..”

He can feel Todd’s throat bobbing against his side, and the tightening of his shirt around his stomach as those fingers curl into it and suddenly he wants more than anything to roll beneath the sheets and feel body heat.

A rumble of disagreement passed through his chest, and he knows it ignites a momentary smile on Todd’s face at the motion.

“You’re free to feel whatever you want,” be whomever you want was left unsaid. And then Todd is back, his face looming in Neil’s eyesight that almost seems comical.

“So are you,” there’s a crease between his eyebrows that Neil wants to reach up and smooth away. He can feel the blush rise on his cheeks though it’s irrational, hell, they’re lying on a bed together, it wouldn’t be any different really.

Todd’s eyes are determined, and his lips curled into a frown and Neil just wants to kiss it away but there’s a spark there that he heard the others murmur about. He’d never heard the whole story other than ‘the nolan rebellion’ or something along those lines.

( though Knox kept parroting about desks on fire that makes him question who keeps coming up with these names, and whether they should recruit Keating to form a naming society because jesus they need some work )

at least Dead Poets Society made sense - as far as he knew there were no desks on fire ?

But there’s a fire in Todd’s eyes, as he reaches over and his fingers curl into Neil’s collar, as if to get as close as he can without actually touching and maybe there’s a pang in his chest because Neil wants to see the Todd unafraid to kiss him back when they can.

But he recognises the seriousness in those eyes, and something warms in his chest that has little to do with body and he wants to curl up with Todd and forget about the world. Knowing that people care made it so much easier.

“Neil, so are you.”

He swallows the lump in his throat and forced his eyes to say put, to not run towards the window with the pouring rain because he doesn’t need that here.

“I know,” and he’s smiling, it feels nice, something tender of his own to treasure. And then it sparks into a smirk and Neil is reaching up, grabbing Todd’s shirt and poking at his ribcage.

“No- arh Neil -“ he gasped, interrupted by a fruitless laugh as he tried to roll away from the reaching hands against his ticklish skin. His back hit the wall and eyes blown wide in anticipation and Neil barked out a laugh of his own as Todd tried to wriggle away.

“Please- damn it Neil, people — ah - they’ll hear!”

Todd protested, but his face was stretched with a grin and panting breaths as Neil moved closer and his fingers turned to palms gently rubbing soft skin.

Their heads hit the pillow, eyes on eyes, one daring, one resigned and their faces light with echoing laughs, breathing heavily.

“You’re so ticklish,” He teased, and Todd blushed with a resounding groan.

“No fair,” it sounded more like a whine, and Neil grinned wider. And then he shuffled forwards and Todd hesitated warily, ignoring the rolled eyes before scooting back into Neil’s grip.

“You make it too easy.” He teased and Todd gave a muffled noise of protest at his rumbling chuckle, and they lay listening to the others breaths, and if Todd shifts to his ear is against Neil’s heart, he doesn’t mention it.

“I know.” He whispered to himself, and a shadow passed under the crack in the door that he missed, his eyes slipping shut.

Mr McAllister wandered back down the hall, his brow furrowed and his footsteps quiet. He wondered if god would forgive him for such an intrusion on a private moment, and made a mental note to allow partner work next lesson. Though that wasn’t truly what he felt guilty about, after he listened to Neil Perry’s ‘maybe.’

[ameliterature]

AnderPerry Oneshot (My first Angst Fanfic of them sorry)

TODD POV uhm uhm, this oneshot makes me cry || Also posted it on Ao3 just in case?

(Inspired by a few lines from that olivia rodrigo song and someone made an edit of anderperry and it broke me)

Neil Perry you are a traitor

Neil Perry, you’re a traitor.

How dare you greet me with a warm smile, telling me we’re gonna be roommates. Why would you make me feel safe only to then ask about my past. Neil, you're so insensitive.

How dare you playfully hit me with a piece of paper when Cameron made fun of me, why didn’t you defend me? Even if you didn't, why did you try to make me feel better? Why did you introduce me to your friends, why did you try to get me into your group?

You tell me to speak up for myself? When you can’t even speak up against your father?

You tell me that I shouldn’t be so afraid, and yet you’re afraid to practice what you preach. Neil Perry you are a traitor.

Why did you ask me to join your study group? Why did you ask me that in the locker room? Why would you ask that when you’re only in a towel? Were you taunting me with your perfect body and perfect freshly-showered hair? I didn’t wanna go with you, get a damned clue. Because of you, I couldn’t focus on my chemistry assignment. Neil Perry, did you ever think your actions through?

Why did I follow you and the others outside to talk to Mr. Keating? I guess it was my fault for being curious but why the hell would I join your club? Neil Perry, why did you ask me to join your Dead Poets Society?

Why are you whispering so close to me? Why are you begging me to join? I told you I didn’t want to join, I did what you told me to do, I spoke up for myself-- Why are you so adamant for me to join you? I told you I couldn’t. Not with you around. Why did you ask the others? I didn’t need them to tell me either.

Neil Perry, why am I joining your club?

Why did I agree to run away with you and the others into the woods at night? Why do you look the way you do when you read under moonlight? I hate that you were made to read outloud, I hate that your voice echoes perfectly in just the right pitch so the reverb of the cave is calming me down. I hate how joining was a good idea.

I hate how you slept well that night, I hate how the last thing you said to me before you slept was “Thank you for coming along.” I hate that you say it like I had a choice.

I hate how I started to notice how handsome you are in class. Why were you always looking at me when I laugh? Why were you always telling me random facts? Why were you ranting to me about your dad every other night? Why were you always updating me with everything about your life when I don't. Why were you disturbing my poetry-writing with a piece of paper?

Why would you tell me about your dreams? Why do you tell me that you want to be an actor? I wish I didn’t care, but I do. I hate how you make me care about you. I hate how you make me care about you so much but when I ask about telling your dad, you yell at me. How dare you yell at me when I got comfortable with you?

Neil Perry you are a traitor. I don’t wanna be part of your stupid club anymore. I want to take care of myself. How dare you smile at me, smirk at me, make me blush and shyly smile. Why do you think you need to make my heart race all the time. Stop trying to make me care about you.

I hate how I cared about you getting the part for the play. I don’t like the feeling I get when I see your smile. I hate that sound you made when you were giddy. I hate how it made me melt. I hate being weak with anything you say. I hate how I try to scold you but you brush it off like you can walk all over my requests. I hate how you shine so fucking bright that my world is in flames.

I hate how you looked at me when I finished my poem, why would you do that? Why do I feel so embarrassed. I wish you didn’t look at me like that. I wish I didn’t see you.

Neil Perry, I hate it when you’re close to me. I hate how you like to stay beside me on my bed when I write poems. I hate how you like to tell me I’m beautiful because I don’t know what to say. Why would you call another guy beautiful?! You’re the most annoying guy I’ve ever met. I hate that you’re always begging for my attention and I give it to you, I hate how you like to bring me with you to rehearse your lines and I have fun with you, I especially hate it when you’re so close and we look at each other for too long.

Why do you like leaning on me? Why do I love it when I can feel your warmth against my body? Why do I find comfort in our closeness? I hate how you don’t think these actions through. Why would you do this to me?

I hate how you care about me, even on my birthday. I hate how you try to cheer me up when you and I both know, for a fact, you should be lifting yourself up. I hate how you make me feel safe around you and like I belong. I hate how you look at me with eyes that are in love, ones that look like mine. I hate how our eyes linger at each other in our room whenever we’re alone. I hate how everything about this feeling is unspoken.

Neil Perry you’re a traitor. Why won’t you tell me what Mr. Keating told you in his office. Why won’t you tell me anything?

I hate how you asked me to hold your hand so you could sleep that night. I hate that I did and I wanted to. I hate how you make me feel so wanted. I hate that I want you too. Why don’t you think things through?

I hate how amazing you were during your play. Why do your eyes do that when you’re happy? Why do you make me feel whole and why do I want to make you feel loved?

Neil Perry, you traitor, you told me to speak up and yet you silently followed your dad into that car. How dare you look up at me with those eyes? Why didn’t you say anything to your dad? To us? To me?!

Neil Perry you are a traitor.

Why did you do all of this? Why did you spend the last few months making me feel all these things for you? God, I wish that you thought all of this through. Before you made me fall for you.

Even if I hate what you did. Even if I hate how you are making me feel right now. After all the things, after that night.

I love how you told me we were roommates. I love how you tell me to speak up even if you couldn’t. I love how you showed off your figure just to distract me from my anxiety. I love how you always went out of your way to be with me or to make me join you. I love how you tell me everything and I love how you make it obvious you care about me.

I only hate the fact you didn’t wait for me. I wish you stuck it out and let me give in to your stupid little tactics. I hate how you didn’t think I would return your feelings. I hate how you think you’re alone and that life is only about acting. I hate how I didn’t tell you that.

Neil Perry you’re a traitor.

But so was I.