#deleted scene: Aftermath

[bisexuallsokka]

When Zuko says “Let’s head home,” after everyone has finished eating, there’s a hollow pang in Sokka's chest as they begin the journey back to the palace and he looks around, thinking, “This isn’t my home. It never will be.”

He wonders how much longer he will be here. Will he ever wander these streets as an Ambassador again? He can’t imagine Zuko kicking him out once Sokka officially resigns, but he can’t imagine he’ll want to stick around for very long anyway, not when he can go home again.

(or, ten years after the war, Sokka and Zuko are still figuring out their place in the world)

written for the winter solstice fic exchange for @scaredera! i hope you enjoy this my friend!! <3

[kari-go]

Any other ML characters aside from Adrien and Rose that you don't care about?

Ivan, Mylene, Alix, Nathaniel, Sabrina, Max,, Nathalie, Gabriel, Tomoe oh, and Mireille I guess, forgot about her lol mayyybe Lila and Kim too

this was kinda difficult? because like, what do i count as 'don't care' y'know. because sometimes I just forget and I do think there could be something interesting done with them. I like the different personalities and there's potential with them. They just. didn't make that much of an impact on me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(there's also just too many people, we've got three main people, who all have at least one kwami with them so that's another three, there's also just Alya, Chloe, Kagami, the other kwamis, there's like 7 of them.. also just people like Lila, Blanche, Arthur, Luka, Juleka, Aurore, Nino, Marc,,,, there's just a lot)

it is truly 'I don't care' with Adrien though. The concept is very interesting, just executed very poorly

!!This doesn't mean that they're being removed from the story!!

I'm probably just not gonna focus on them that much when there are many other characters that are more important to me and the story

[starrcrossrose]

Surprise! My Patreon is going to have some deleted scenes from The Aftermath! They haven’t gone up YET but they will be, as a little treat 💙✨ if you’d like to support me, pls visit the link in my pinned Master Post! (NO pressure; just extras for the lovelies who do 🥰)

[vogelmeister]

me: ok, so like, how are we going to show that Anne-Fleur is discarding these letters Merel wrote her

me to me: light the letters on fire

[noellewrxtes]

For the WIP ask game, I'm asking 9, 15, and 17!!! <3

hello, thank you for asking!! <3

9. What’s the biggest reason this project is still a WIP?

no time and adhd is the answer for most of my wips, but some of them i've hit pretty major writer's block on. aftermath in particular i was stuck on forever because i couldn't write a final scene that felt satisfying to me and i finally realized that the beginning was throwing off everything after. i've also been stuck on a james bond au i thought would be hilarious to write but i can't think of a good plot for it so it just sits in my docs.

15. What has been the easiest thing about working on this WIP so far?

oh, gosh, i don't think there's ever one single aspect of writing a wip that is consistently easy for me, so it changes depending on the project. i won't go down the list of all of my wips because it's way too long but for the wheel of fortune (my superhero au) the entire plot came to me very quickly, which is extremely rare. i just sat down to write a handful of scenes that were stuck in my head and after a few days of that i realized i basically had the entire story. usually i have to work to make everything make sense and flow from point a to point b in logical ways, but that one just came together on its own.

i have another wip i call heliocentric that's set in an original au that i've slowly just built up over time and creating that world has been surprisingly fun for me because big original worlds are not something i typically enjoy creating, but everything has just come to me very easily with that one. of course the downside is now i have so much content i want to include that doesn't really have a place in the storyn itself.

17. What POV is your WIP written from?

okay, this is actually always a struggle for me because i go into most of my new wips blind. i just have a cool idea and a handful of scenes and interactions that won't leave my brain, and so i write those and a lot of times they're not in the same pov as the others. like, i'm not against changing povs throughout a narrative (clearly) but i want to do it in ways and places that make sense and not, like, 500 words of one pov then 200 of someone else's then 450 of another because i feel like that's distracting. so i struggle with this. i'm actually having a really hard time with this exact problem in both new york is faster than yesterday and as time goes by because i want to change povs every three paragraphs and i just can't do that. bruises was written as a side piece to another wip i'm working on specifically so i could have an excuse to write flash's pov because the whole story is otherwise peter's pov.

anyway, if one character is hiding something significant it's easy for me to stick to one pov so that character can keep their secrets, but otherwise this is very very difficult for me.

[zyhkoo]

☆ well this is unexpected..

bat-fam x reader

the batfam asks you out on a date, though it didn’t turn out the way they expected..

a/n: i was thinking of doing batgirls x readers, i also improved my writing style a bit, anyways enjoy!! this was a req by anon but i accidentally deleted it :(

Bruce

Since he grew up eating with a silver spoon, he thought he wanted to try something simple. Fancy dinners, expensive places; he wanted to throw that away for a moment. It wasn’t bad to enjoy simple leisure was it?

His first date with you was in a park, nothing bad at all.

Well since he was Bruce Wayne privacy was practically impossible. People took pictures left to right and asked questions whenever they had the chance, people were insufferable. He just wanted to have his first date alone with you, he can’t help but scowl or brood whenever someone approaches the both of you

This was definitely a scene after all. The playboy billionaire on a romantic date with someone ordinary? This was going in the headlines. You only try to reassure him by squeezing his hand whenever he gets stressed. Though it helped a bit, no one could not leave you two alone.

Bruce debated if the two of you should just go back in the car.

“Bruce! Bruce!”

The reporters were like bloodhounds. There were cameras flashing, the lights were almost blinding. God he wanted to just leave. “Mr Wayne, is this another one of your many dates, or do you see something special in this woman?” A reporter spoke up, shoving a microphone in his face.

Your eyes widened at the bold question, who casually asks that?

Bruce frowned, didn’t like it when they referred to you like that, he found it as if they were trying to disrespect you. You’re his date, not another fling. He just wanted this to be over with, he was trying to think of anything that would make them leave. “She’s a special case.” He stated simply, that made the reporters go wild.

He held onto your hand. He wanted to scream, but even with his brooding nature he was surprisingly good at keeping a calm composure. He was tempted to just run, it was already humiliating enough and now it was just going to be plastered everywhere.

The reporters were getting louder and asking more questions, all wanting to know more about this strange woman who dared to catch the eye of Bruce Wayne.

He had enough. He took your hand and started walking towards his car. There was no point in staying here, it would all be over the tabloids the next day. He still had to deal with the aftermath of it, but at least he could try and have a semblance of a date.

He opened the car door for you, letting you in first. Once you were seated he got in himself. The reporters had decided to follow him, hoping to get any other pictures of the two of you. He slammed the door angrily shutting out their muffled voices. He wanted to let his frustration out, but he didn’t want to ruin what he had with you.

You looked at him and touched his hand “Are you okay?”

He shook his head. God he was so frustrated; this was far from what he was hoping for. He had wanted to have a simple date with you, not be hounded by reporters and questions.

“I was hoping that there would be some peace on our first date.”

You hummed as you stroked his hand with your thumb. “They don’t have boundaries do they?”

He looked at you with a frown. It was supposed to be a nice date. The two of you weren't supposed to be harassed by the press, yet he could still hear their muffled words and the sound of those cameras. He gritted his teeth, "I should have seen this coming."

“I’m going to get swarmed tomorrow.” He leaned back in his seat. No doubt your life was going to turn into an absolute hell since you were dating someone with his influence and status.

"Are you sure you want to be with me?" He asked softly. How could he ask you to live like this?

His heart was telling him that he wanted you. That it’d be fine and that you should just ignore what others say, but his brain was telling him that he was endangering you by having you be seen near him. He was a magnet for trouble, and now you’d be dragged into that side of his life.

“Bruce, I’m sure.” You leaned in closer. “If being with you means dealing with the press, paparazzi, and rumors? I’m up for the challenge.” You smiled at him. “I’m not going to back down so easily.”

“How about this, why don’t we go to my apartment?” you let go of his hand.

As the two of you arrived at your apartment, you took the roses he gave you and spread the petals around the floor. He took a lighter, lighting the candles around your apartment. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the candles.

It was a nice and soothing scent, calming his nerves. The two of you started to make spaghetti. It wasn’t as fancy as the meals he was accustomed to but he didn’t mind. Bruce was just happy to be spending time and cooking with you.

As you two finished cooking, he took some forks and plates taking them to the living room so you and he could have some dinner.

“I have wine.” you walked towards the table “It’s about time that I use this thing.” He chuckled softly. He took the bottle and started to pour some wine for the two of you.

After the two of you finished your dinner, he brought the plates to the sink. He walked back to you and took your hand and pulled you to your feet gently. “May I have this dance?” He asked, already pulling you into a slow waltz.

You chuckled, “You already are.” He leaned down and kissed you. The kiss was slow and gentle, his hands finding their way to your waist and pulling you closer.

Eventually he pulled away, a small smile on his lips. "I guess I am." he said softly.

Dick

For your first date with Dick, he wanted to go out. He wanted it to be as romantic as possible. He asked you for valentines (or christmas whatever comes to your imagination) in which of course you accept.

As the two of you entered the restaurant, the waiter informed Dick that the place was full. Okay there was always a plan B! The art museum? Closed. The mall? Too many people. The park? Closed due to cleaning. Dick started to get frustrated, sunset was almost near and his date with you hadn't started yet.

Dick was just about to give up. He took your hand and gave it a light squeeze, a sympathetic look etched on his face. "I'm sorry. I guess today isn't the best day for us, huh?"

You shook your head “You don’t need to apologize, Dick. It’s not your fault.”

“I know," he whispers, “but I want our date night to be perfect. To be better than your former ones. To be better than any other one that you’ve had. You deserve it.” He gives you a light kiss on the cheek, his breath feeling warm on your skin. "Let's go for a walk."

The night air is cool in Blüdhaven. There are few people out on the streets as it's late, the two of you are alone. The moon shines brilliantly, its light catching Dick's bright blue eyes. The two of you start down the sidewalk.

You then look up at the sky, then an idea pops in your head. “I know what we’ll do.” you smiled. "Yeah?" He laughs, "What's your bright idea?" He bumps his shoulder into yours playfully, his hand squeezing yours.

You hummed, looking back at the sky “I’d say, we go up to a rooftop and watch the stars.” Dick smiles at that, his eyes gleaming at the idea. You could see his mind racing with thoughts. "Good idea. I know of the perfect spot."

The two of you began to walk again, this time, Dick taking the lead. He guided you through the various twists and turns of the downtown of Blüdhaven.

After some light parkour, the two of you were climbing up a fire escape and onto the rooftop of a building. The view of the city was impressive. The moon shone beautifully above the city, the stars scattered all across the night sky. It was a pretty view you had to admit, and you were glad the two of you could see it.

Dick stood beside you, his eyes scanning the stars and trying to find the planets. He glanced at you a moment later, and he said, “I'm glad I get to share moments like this with you.”

You softly smiled at him then leaned on his shoulder. You looked up the stars, admiring each constellation. “Do you want me to tell you about the stars?” He gave you a nod, "Absolutely. Please do."

And so you began to talk about the stars. You told him about the constellations and planets, Dick listened to each word as if they were gospel. The two of you sat there for a while, your head on his shoulder as you stargazed. The night was peaceful, and Dick couldn't have asked for a better date.

You leaned on him, enjoying the warmth he was giving you. His arm was wrapped around your shoulders, and it felt so nice and comforting.

He pointed out at the sky, "That star there, right next to the moon, do you see it?"

You looked out to where he was pointing and nodded "That's Sirius, the brightest star in the sky."

"Do you know why Sirius is so bright?" he asked softly.

You hummed "Well.. the ancient Greeks said it was a constellation of the dog. They believed that it was the guardian of the afterlife, and the protector of sailors."

He looked at you, his eyes shining like the stars in the sky. "Hmm, to me, it reminds me of you. Bright as the sun, and you're the light in my dark life."

You blushed at his words, your heart doing a little dance in your chest. "Dick," you scoffed, "That is the corniest thing I’ve heard you say.”

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to your temple, "It's all true though."

Jason

Jason had zero experience in the romance department. When he met you, he was absolutely whipped. The only thing he had was his Pride and Prejudice book and moral support from his family.

Jason had read the book so many times he had practically memorized it. He tried to emulate Mr. Darcy's aloof attitude, but he simply didn't have the same charm. He felt like a fool when he tried to act like a dashing gentleman. But there was one thing he knew. If Mr. Darcy could make a fool of himself to woo Elizabeth, he could do the same for you. He was willing to risk everything to be with you, to win your heart.

Honestly, he wanted his family out of this. But he was so miserable that they just had to step in. Dick and Steph helped fixing his appearance while Tim helped him with planning his date. Barbara thought this was ridiculous, be yourself she says.

Jason was absolutely terrified. Not about going on the date, he had no doubt about that. He was scared of making a fool in front of you. That you, a person so beautiful, so lovely, would ever think of him as anything less than he was.

When he asked you out, he was very surprised to hear you say yes.

He thought of several date ideas, most were pretty simple. Go for dinner, hit a bar. But none of it seemed good enough. He wanted to do something special, something that would make you never forget that day. In the end, he decided to go to the seaside.

In all honesty, it wasn’t really his thing. Jason would rather stay somewhere indoors, but he wanted you to be happy.

He bought you flowers, chocolate and a plush with your favorite animal. You weren’t expecting this from him obviously, he definitely wasn’t the type to give you these. Nevertheless, you accepted them. Jason wanted this date to go perfectly. Not only for your sake, but for his. He knew that if he messed it up, he'd never be able to recover from it.

But oh no.. The clouds started to go dark and droplets immediately fell from the sky. So now he was hiding under a gazebo with you. Not the perfect date he pictured.

He cursed under his breath. It wasn't just raining, but thunder, lightning, and strong winds too. It wasn't looking good. He looked up at the sky, trying to gauge if it was just a passing storm or if the forecast was really that bad.

"Well, this is great," he muttered sarcastically, trying to conceal his frustration. "I'm no meteorologist, but this looks like a long one."

“Hey.” your hands trail to his “It’s alright, it was very sweet for you to ask me out you know?” you smiled reassuringly.

He looked at you, his face softening at your words. Despite the weather, it was still a beautiful day in his view. Being with you was the real reward here, not the weather.

"I know, I just...wanted this to be perfect," he admitted with a shrug. "But you know what? This is pretty perfect, anyway. I get to spend time with you, which is what really matters, and we're both dry too."

He looked up at the ceiling of the gazebo, as if to silently criticize the weather itself for ruining his perfect day. He then turned his gaze back to you, his eyes softening.

“Let's wait it out,” he suggested. “We could make this work.”

The rain only got worse as time went by. The wind was becoming increasingly stronger, and the thunder was so loud that it was difficult to hear one another over the noise. Jason was growing frustrated - not with the storm, but with the fact that it was ruining his date. He had prepared for everything, but never in his wildest nightmare he could have imagined it would be like this.

“This is ridiculous,” he said, glaring up at the sky. “I spent so much time coming up with this perfect day and now it's all ruined.”

You couldn't help but laugh at how agitated he was becoming. “Come on, Jason, lighten up,” you said, grinning at him. “I'm having a great time.”

He gave you a confused look, not sure whether you were teasing him or not. “Seriously? This is what you call a great time?” he asked, gesturing to the storm around them.

“It could be worse,” you countered, shrugging. “Think about it - we can hang out all day without anyone bothering us. Plus, there’s something romantic about rain.” Jason still didn't seem convinced. “Rain isn't romantic,” he grumbled, frowning at you.

You sighed “Oh, you.” standing up from the gazebo, you looked down at his scowl “Do you want to dance with me?” He looked up at you, confused. “In this weather? You've got to be kidding me,” he replied. “I don't want to get wet.” He didn't feel up to making any innuendos with you right now, even if it was on his mind.

You only smiled at him “It’ll be fun, dancing in the rain is romantic I assure you.” you walked in the heavy rain “See, fun! Come join me.” He watched as you danced in the heavy downpour, the rain soaking your clothes and leaving you drenched.

“Alright then,” he said with a sigh, rolling his eyes. He stood up and walked over to you, letting the rain fall on him as well.

You took his hands in yours and started swaying with him to the tempo of the rain. Despite his initial reluctance, he soon began enjoying the moment. The rain added a certain charm to the dance, making it an intimate and memorable experience for the both of you.

“You were right,” he said, smiling at you. “This is actually kinda fun.”

He looked up at the sky, feeling the rain falling on his face. He never would have thought that a simple date could turn out so well, despite the bad weather. He felt more relaxed and more comfortable with you than he had ever felt with anyone else before.

He twirled you around, and you laughed as the rain continued to fall around you. In that moment, nothing else mattered except the two of you, dancing together in the pouring rain.

You were both soaked, but you didn't seem to care. You were a good dancer, Jason thought as you both moved in rhythm to the rain. The storm had brought out a side of him that he hadn't known was even there. He smiled as you twirled, feeling more alive than he had in months. It was like nothing else mattered except for this moment with you.

As he held you close, he realized that even in the worst of situations, he could always find a way to enjoy life. He didn't know what the future held, but he knew that as long as you were by his side.

Tim

Tim’s first date with you was in a mall. He wanted to go to the arcade with you and have some fun. As he prepares for you, he will often have high confidence. But when he approaches you, he often fiddles with his hands or nervously looks in another direction.

Tim has trouble decision making as well, should he buy you cupcakes or ice cream? Buy you clothes or are you just fine without shopping? He doesn’t know. The arcade was at the top floor of the building, he started to do the math in his head.

‘If we used an escalator, it’d be slower and the mall was a bit crowded today but walking around the mall could be good exercises and walking helps think a lot. Oh, but what if they don’t like long distances? We can always use those electronic stroller things… no it won’t work. The elevator would be the fastest way but it could be awkward- oh, forget it let’s just use the elevator!’

The elevator was fine, until suddenly it stopped. The lights went out. And it was now dark inside. The elevator was stuck between two levels. When Tim pressed the buttons, they didn't seem to work at all. You tried as well but no matter what the elevator won't budge.

Oh great.

Tim tried calling for help on his phone, but there's no service. At all. "We should’ve used the escalator.." Tim complains to himself. He sighed in frustration and then turned to look at you. "This was an awful first date, I’m sorry.” Tim groans as he sits on the floor.

“It’s fine,” You respond, smiling. The elevator was dark, but it wasn’t too dark. You sat beside him, trying to stay warm. You both remained close in the silence of the elevator.

You held his hand and looked at him “You don’t need to overthink too much Tim, it’s just me.” you whispered. Tim let out a soft sigh of relief, intertwining his fingers with yours. He gently squeezed your hand, offering some silent reassurance. "You're right. I just... I don't want to mess this up, you know? I really like you, and this date means a lot." He gazed into your eyes.

“I was hoping to impress you with this. But instead I just managed to get us stuck in an elevator. Now that's real skill." Tim let out a chuckle, trying to ease the tension with a bit of humor. He leaned back, resting his head against the elevator wall.

"So, I guess we have some time to kill now. Anything you want to talk about? Got any deep, philosophical questions on your mind? Maybe I can impress you with my brilliant intellect and detective skills." Tim grinned playfully. You chuckled at his sudden change of mood “Can I get a kiss detective?”

Tim's heart skipped a beat at your request, and a hint of a rosy blush crept across his cheeks. Without a moment's hesitation, he leaned in closer to you. It was in that perfect moment that the lights suddenly flickered back on, and the elevator began to move again. "Wow," Tim scoffed, “Talk about perfect timing.” he scowls.

You laughed as you quickly stole a kiss “There, is that better?”

Tim's expression melted into a warm smile as you stole a kiss. A subtle blush lingered on his cheeks. "Much better," he replied, his voice a soft murmur. The elevator hummed as it resumed its ascent, bringing you both back into the world above.

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

A Surprise^**

Hello friends, thank you so much for your patience. I ended up having quite a disastrous day and it took longer to finish editing! But here is the one shot based off of this request. Hope you like it!

Warnings: TW! abusive partner: mentions of love-bombing, gaslighting/accusations of infidelity, verbal arguments, intimidation tactics (psychological and physical), physical altercation between M/F ( described, but more intimidating than violent or aimed to hurt), physical altercation between M/M (not described but the aftermath is mentioned, bloody nosy type of thing), mentions of law enforcement and law enforcement processes. Mentions of sex, unprotected sex, oral (M/F receiving), fingering, unplanned pregnancy, ultrasound procedure.

WC: 18.2K

You were nervous as you rode up in the elevator. You weren’t claustrophobic or anything, so the feeling of it closing in on you was one you had no idea how to deal with. You were trying to keep your breathing as calm as possible and clearing your head of any irrational or negative thoughts, but it was truly a challenge. It had been a nearly a year since you and Harry had been in any space together and it was nerve-racking. What was originally supposed to be a month or two-long break, turned into all this time and distance. He said he wanted to talk and get some closure, which you thought was bull shit, and that’s why you were so nervous.

Before “the break” you and Harry had been dating for four years. Things had been going really well up until he started getting antsy to work again. You’d moved to London for him and now that he was finally “off” you saw that he was jumping into the next thing he could. You understood that he felt like he needed to do something with his time but soon enough he was back in the studio for hours at a time while you just hung out at his house. You lasted a year like that before you told him that you couldn’t do it anymore. You felt lonely in your relationship with him and you saw that he wasn’t ready to slow down and settle a bit like he said he was before. That was the whole reason why you’d even moved to London for him. So when you suggested a little time apart to have him sort through his priorities he freaked out on you. But the following morning the tune was different, he was more open to this idea of taking some time apart.

You had assured him over and over again that you loved him but that you were ready for the next step and he clearly wasn’t. He then assured you that you were the love of his life and that he’d take a month or two to just tie up all the loose strings with his current project and then focus back on your relationship. You even went back home to LA to give him all the space he needed. You checked in with each other a lot but when the two months were up you reached out and didn’t get a response back until two weeks later. Much to your dismay it was just an “I’m sorry.” And with tears in your eyes you just deleted the entire messaging feed you had with him.

A few months later you were back on the dating scene. One of your co-workers set you up with her cousin, Steven. He came off as sweet, smart, and mature. He mostly had his shit together from what she’d said and you had seen, so you gave him a real chance. Yeah, he was no Harry, but no one would ever equate to Harry, so you stopped comparing and got to know him for who he was. Soon enough you’d started to develop more feelings for Steven, he showered you in attention and time and affection, it was almost too much, you thought. But then you recalled that things had been so cold with Harry towards the end that maybe you just weren’t used it anymore. It wasn’t love-bombing, it was just a man who is interested in showing you what you meant to him. After two months of seeing him casually you started talking about the future, about starting a real, committed relationship. You talked about properly meeting each other’s families and taking serious steps forward, you were gearing up to properly move on with someone who clearly prioritized you! And then Harry called. 

He was jealous, you heard it in his voice when he called, but the fact that he was jealous pleased you in a way. Honestly, you thought you’d be so well off that when you spoke to him you’d feel above him somehow, but when you heard his voice your heart ached with longing and your small victory suddenly made you feel a bit sadistic. He then asked to see you to get some closure and you quickly agreed because you needed it too. But that’s how you ended up at his hotel just an hour later. So far you were just standing there at his hotel door just taking each other in. Quite frankly, you were just pleased you had made it out of the elevator alive. But it felt like it’d been ages and no time at all at the same time, your heart was racing in the confines of your chest, making it hard to breathe once again. It made you so happy, but hurt your heart at the same time to see him. It was so confusing, feeling relief and joy and disappointment all at the same time. 

“You look great.” He complimented you after a few moments of staring.

“Oh! Thanks.” You smiled timidly, “H-how are you?”

“I’m alright. Come on in.” He said moving aside and you wandered in. You sat at the couch in his suite as he headed to the kitchenette.

“Can I offer you some water or tea?” He asked.

“No, I’m alright.” You assured and he nodded before coming over to sit near you on the couch. You sat in silence for a few moments again before he chuckled in slight disbelief and shook his head.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here.” He confessed with a shake of his head.

“Me either.” You chuckled a bit humorlessly. He had wronged you…the only thing that you knew about him right now was that he did not love you as much as he said he did. If he did he wouldn’t have left you hanging like he had. “I guess I just…needed to see you one more time. I don’t think that we left off on a good note so-”

“Exactly. That’s why I wanted to see you.” He said leaning forward and taking your hand and your facade of stoicism and ease melted away immediately. The hurt from his actions just came to the surface and made a pang of pain ripple from your chest all the way out to your fingertips, you swore even your scalp hurt as his eyes met yours apologetically.

“Harry, it’s almost been a year.” You pointed out and he frowned.

“I know, love.” He confirmed, “And I haven’t even tried t-to apologize since that text I sent you.” He said and your eyes started welling up. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just…I got scared that if I took that step forward with you it meant that my work was gone.” He explained and you scoffed.

“Harry, no! When I asked you to slow down that’s all I meant. Slow down, not stop! I’d never tell you to stop.” You sighed, exasperated and upset that he even thought that you’d ever make him stop doing what he loved most, “I just wanted you to slow down a little and enjoy your life for yourself. Spend time with your mom and your sister and your cousins and nieces and nephews!” You vented, “W-with me.” You added towards the end and he nodded in understanding. “What you do with your work matters to me. I see how happy it makes you. And I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to make you feel like you couldn’t be honest with me about your priorities.” You said and he shook his head.

“You didn’t. I should’ve talked to you about it all, Y/N. I know I fucked up, big time, but I love you and-”

“No you don’t…” you interrupted with a scoff as you pulled your hand away from his, “You’re just jealous because I’m ready to move on with someone else now.” You said to him and he glanced up at the ceiling and smiled sadly.

“Yeah, of course I’m fucking jealous!” he confessed through a pained, breathy laugh, “And I still love you and whether you believe it or not because of my previous actions, I respect you and you deserve an apology. That’s why I wanted to see you.” He explained as his eyes met yours again, “I know that I’ve lost you, Y/N.” He said sadly, “Believe me, I didn’t come to try and talk you out of that decision. I just wanted to tell you, in person, that I love you with my whole heart. I should’ve fought for you. You showed me so much love and gave me all of your care and support all the time! I shouldn’t have been scared t-to talk about it. I shouldn’t have let you go.” He explained, “I’m going to have to live with that for the rest of my life, Y/N. I know that.” He sniffled and you wiped your tears carefully. “I just needed you to know that it’s not anything you did. I love you, even still, I think I’ll die loving you.” He said.

“Jesus, Harry…” you inhaled sharply before standing up quickly. You grabbed your purse from the coffee table and started rushing back to the door.

“Baby! Baby, baby, baby-” he rushed in front of you blocking the door, “J-just wait.” He sniffled, he looked panicked.

“Why should I?” You questioned him, “Why now?” You asked for clarity and he swallowed thickly, “You had this whole fucking time and now that I’m just about t-to forget about you, y-you show up and…” you trailed off as your anger boiled over and your tears started to trickle down your face more heavily.

“Y/N, I’m sorry-” He started.

“Y-you better not be trying to manipulate me!” You warned, your voice raised in accusation and he shook his head.

“I know it might seem that way b-but I’m not, love. I’m not looking for anything from you, I know I don’t deserve it. I just needed t-to see you and apologize to you and tell you how I feel before you wouldn’t entertain the idea of me in your presence ever again. And I know you probably hate me so much right now-” He explained and you inhaled sharply with a disappointed shake of your head.

“That’s the stupidest fucking part of this whole thing! I-” you stopped and shook your head, “I felt so happy when I heard from you.” You confessed, “And I still have so much love for you.” You sniffled and felt sick to your stomach just admitting it. You felt like an idiot for it.

You had gone over a very similar scenario in your head if not millions of times before while daydreaming or lying in bed. You dreamed of him coming back and apologizing and you having the strength to not come crawling back to him after whatever excuse he gave. Except you’d gotten it wrong. Harry wasn’t standing before you asking you to come back to him with an underlying arrogance that came with knowing that your love was enough to have you come back to him. He was actually just coming to be accountable for his mistakes and to apologize to you for hurting you. He came with humility and sincere repentance for his errors, no ulterior motives. And well, you weren’t nearly as strong as you thought you’d be by now.

“Oh, baby…” he sighed, “I don’t deserve it.” He recognized, “And I know that you’re happy.”

“I am.” You sniffled.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel confused, I really didn’t want that. I really just wanted to make things as right as I could after all this time.”

“Thank you.” You responded and he gave you one firm nod. “I think I should go.” You said and he glanced into your eyes and just waited for a moment and when you didn’t waiver he exhaled and moved out of your way to let you leave.

You reached for the door and opened it up before stepping out into the hall, pulling it shut behind you as you cried quietly as you walked back to the elevator, what seemed like a trap before now felt like your much needed escape. You were just about to step inside when you glanced back down the hallway at his door, questioning if you’d been too harsh. After all, you did miss him and you still loved him…you’d definitely regret not giving him a hug goodbye or even just confirming to him that you forgave him. So with all the strength you had, you ignored that pull to return to him and got inside and left. It was time to move on.

****************

You’d been quiet and in your head all afternoon. Internalizing everything you were feeling was weird because you were never one to just let things brew in silence. You had to talk about it and your best friend was back in the UK and she had an important work thing in the morning so you couldn’t interrupt and you just wanted to talk to someone who would be 100% real with you. You decided to just distract yourself until stopped by for dinner, surely his company would provide an adequate distraction.

But even when Steven arrived you found yourself ruminating on how awkwardly you’d left Harry. You certainly got what you needed but you were out of there so fast that you had no idea if he got the closure he needed from you and now you felt bad! That’s what you were thinking about, but your silent and pensive demeanor had Steven feeling iced out which he did not like. So after sitting in your little living room on his phone for half an hour in complete silence as his football game droned on, on the TV he figured he’d just ask you.

“Babe, are you upset at me?” He finally asked as he came into the kitchen. You were just grating some carrots into the salad you were making for dinner.

“No.” You assured him with a small smile as you glanced up at him briefly.

“Well, you’ve been oddly quiet since I got here. More than half the time I’m wishing you’d just shut up for five minutes but I don’t know anymore…it’s weird.” He joked, trying to make light of the situation. But upon hearing that your brows pinched in confusion and offense at his “joke”.

“That’s quite rude and not funny at all. I heard you turn on the game and you don’t like it when I talk to you when you’r watching so I just stayed quiet.” You mumbled a bit spitefully before going back to grating and he came closer and placed a hand on your hip.

“Damn, you’re so sensitive, it was a joke.” He said mawkishly and your irritation continued blooming so you refused to look at him, “Y/N, you’re clearly in your head about something and now you’re taking it out on me.” He said and you sighed.

“I’m not taking anything out on you, Steven. I’m just thinking some stuff through.” You shared with him.

“Stuff like…?” He pressed.

“Like…my ex, Harry.” You said and he straightened up at the mention of Harry’s name.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He asked with a sardonic smile and you put down the carrot and glanced up at him.

“You asked.” You emphasized and he huffed out a sarcastic laugh, “I’m not done, so listen up because it’s good news for you.” You said and he clenched his jaw and nodded, “Well he’s in town and he asked to see me so we could talk,” You explained and Steven’s expression twisted into a disconcerting look, “so earlier I met up with him and we talked-”

“Wait.” He cut you off, “Why the hell would you think to go see your ex?” He asked you, fully offended over what you’d done this afternoon.

“I went to get closure! And well, considering we’ve been talking about starting a relationship in the near future it’s good for us that I just close that door for good.” You explained and he shook his head.

“And you didn’t think to tell me about this before you went there?”

“It happened so fast and I know you were meeting clients all day so I-”

“You should have at least asked if I was fine with you doing that!” He groaned with frustration and you frowned.

“Like…ask you for permission?” You asked and he shook his head.

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Y/N.” He snapped quickly.

“I’m not, I was asking for clarification. You said I should’ve asked if it was alright with you before going. Is that not asking for permission?” You asked and he sighed.

“Look, not permission but like…at least consider me! Like, have me be there so he doesn’t get any ideas.” He said and you looked at him like he was completely delusional.

“W-what?!” You asked in disbelief, “Why would I invite you into a conversation with me and my ex about our old relationship?” You questioned.

“Because, I need to make sure nothing weird is going on! And if you didn’t want me there, which you clearly didn’t, then you should’ve asked if I was cool with you going to meet him all alone! It makes me uncomfortable to think of you two alone.” He said and you were complete confused at his logic.

“And what if you said that no, I couldn’t go?” You asked.

“I would’ve said no and you would’ve not gone.” He rebutted confidently and you were in total shock, “You have no business talking to him again, Y/N.” He added and you sighed and shook your head in exasperation.

“I wanted answers and an apology, Steven. I am owed at least that! And he took responsibility. He was able to give that to me.” You said and he scoffed.

“You’re…you’re so fucking naive.” He said and you looked at him in confusion, “It’s a test. He was testing you! Testing you to see if you’re still loyal to him. Testing to see if he still has power over you! And guess what? By going there all alone the moment he called you up, you confirmed that for him. You confirmed that he still owns you!” He was speaking to you in the most belittling way. You felt your rage flaring up inside of you.

“What are you even saying?!” You scoffed in disbelief, “It was just a conversation! I was in and out of there in less than 10 minutes!” You laughed incredulously.

“10 minutes? Really? That alone fucked you up so much you couldn’t talk to me?” He asked with a sardonic look on his face and you rolled your eyes, “See now, I’m not so sure that something else didn’t happen between you two.” He soft-launched his accusation and you scoffed.

“Nothing happened! I’m telling you that he said what he needed to say and I just left!” You explained, “I’m just thinking on it because I don’t feel right about just having left like that.” You explained, “It was awkward, the way I handled it. I didn’t even ask him if he had any questions for me or anything else to say, I was selfish. I just got the apology I needed and that was that.” You said a bit sadly and his jaw clenched for a second before biting down on the inside of his cheek.

“You promise that was it?” He asked you after a few moments of silence.

“I promise! Literally we just talked.” You reiterated and he nodded.

“Fine. I’m sorry.” He said grumpily, like a child who is dying inside because they had to apologize. You imagined he was feeling a bit ashamed or even embarrassed for jumping to conclusions like that and being so off the mark. So you walked up to him and hugged him tight as you rested your head against his chest. You relaxed in his arms and smiled when you felt his hand grab your jaw and angle up your face. Your eyes met for a few tense seconds, you were preparing for him to ardently kiss you but suddenly his hand fell from your jaw and grabbed around your throat, right beneath your jaw. Your eyes widened in fear as his grip got a bit tighter by the second. His eyes were dark as he stared into yours.

“S-steven.” You gasped in concern as you started to run out of oxygen. You tried to wiggle out of his grip, eyes watery and full of fear as your nails dug into his wrist hoping to startle him out of whatever possessed him to do this.

“I don’t want you talking to or seeing him again. Never again. Do you understand me?” He demanded and you felt your entire body just turn cold. You had no idea how to even react to this change in Steven’s demeanor so you just nodded. “You’re going to be mine soon and I need to know that I can trust you fully.” He said “I want to trust you. But can I? Can I trust you to stay away from him?” he asked and you nodded again, you’d do anything to get out of this situation, “Then say it. Swear to me.” He insisted darkly as he loosened his grip around you.

“I-I’ll never talk to him or see him again.” You whispered, “I swear.” You insisted with tearful eyes and he let you go before walking out of the kitchen silently. 

You grabbed onto the counter because your legs unexpectedly lost their strength. You were panting, struggling so hard to breathe as this entire interaction processed in your brain. You suddenly felt extremely nauseated as a wave of fear overcame you. You trembled wordlessly for a bit, feeling so devastatingly mortal. You’d never had such little power. You’d never felt so small. After a short, uncomfortable, and contemplative moment you grabbed the carrot you had been working on and got back to grating. You just had to take deep breaths and grate.

You were walking on egg shells for the remainder of the night, doing anything and everything to act as normal as possible and not bait him into another aggression. Meanwhile, he was genuinely chatting with you so casually, as if he hadn’t just grabbed you by the throat like that. It terrified you that he wasn’t acting, he was genuinely fine. You were questioning yourself now, wondering if there were signs you missed? Granted, you were now getting into more serious turf, but there was nothing that you’d seen before that indicated towards him ever behaving this way. Even as you lay in bed attempting to get some rest you just stared at your ceiling thinking about that moment. How dark his eyes looked…did you need to tell someone? It’s not like he’d actually hurt you…or threatened you…he just made you promise to stay away from Harry. There wasn’t even a mark on you. Who would believe you or what could you even do about it?

He sweetened up intensely after that though and it had your mind reeling. Even when you’d had sex earlier he had been so possessive. Normally, any type of sensual talk got you going but when he told you he was “going to make you his” as he finished it didn’t have the usual or intended effect, it made you feel uneasy and made you regret having slept with him after what had happened earlier on. You immediately hopped into the shower because you just needed to wash off the memory of him of on you. You held in your tears because you thought he would join you but he just called out a goodbye after some minutes. But even in your solitude you were practically frozen and emotionless. You’d never experienced him like that and it worried you, so you decided to talk to your friend about it.

*****************

You were nervous to talk to Marie about this because she was also his cousin, but you just needed to know if there was a history to Steven that you didn’t know yet. Maybe he’d done something like this before, just got aggressive and overly possessive with another partner? Or perhaps he’d been cheated on and severely overreacted because of his past hurt? But Marie’s sort of distant demeanor should’ve tipped you off that things were not going to be good with this conversation.

“Thanks for meeting me. I actually wanted t-to talk to you about something important.” You said as soon as the waiter left after bringing your drinks. “Something that happened w-with Steven.” You said and she pulled away from her straw.

“Look, you don’t need to tell me what happened, Y/N.” She interjected, “Steven already told me.” She said flatly and for a second her anger seemed just. You were glad she was angry at him for you. “And look I love you and you’re my friend, but quite frankly, I can’t believe you’d go and hook up with Harry after how good Steven has been to you.” She said and your jaw dropped in shock.

“W-wait what?” You asked incredulously.

“Don’t do that with me, Y/N. I know how weak you are for Harry.” She said and you shook your head, “I mean…I did warn Steven early on t-to be careful and take his time with you because you’d probably cave and run back to Harry.” She said and you frowned, “But after all this time? I mean Jesus, Y/N! The man pretended like you didn’t exist for almost a year! How little self respect do you have t-to allow him back in after everything?!” She questioned you with disappointment and a harsh judgement.

“Is that really what you think of me?” You asked her and she sighed.

“Look, I’m sorry for being so harsh but I love you and I’m angry at you for cheating on my cousin. He’s a good guy!” She defended her stance and you shook your head.

“I didn’t cheat on your cousin. We’re not even in an official or exclusive relationship so even if I had fooled around with Harry he has nothing to be upset over! He’s the one who hasn’t wanted to be exclusive yet!” You corrected and Marie smiled incredulously down at her drink, “You don’t have to believe me about Harry if you don’t want but believe this, Steven? He’s not a good guy.” You said and she looked up at you again fully offended.

“Y/N, look-”

“No, listen to me. I just need you t-to hear me out. Last night he…h-he grabbed me really hard by the throat and made me swear I would never talk to or see Harry again. He terrified me.” You confessed and her eyes didn’t even soften up, “I came t-to ask if maybe I’d struck a nerve by mistake, looking to justify how he behaved towards me but the fact that he got to you first and lied about what happened…that just confirmed to me that I want nothing to do with him. He’s a ticking time bomb and I refuse to be collateral damage.” You said as you stood from your seat.

“How dare you.” She said and stood as well and you shook your head. “You can’t just go around throwing accusations about someone like that! Especially about this sort of thing! It could ruin him, Y/N!” She said with a quiet and calculated rage.

“Believe what you want, but I want nothing to do with either of you ever again.” You said to her and walked off. When you sat in your car you were trembling with rage, you could not believe the last 24 hours of your life. You were just collecting yourself before taking off, you didn’t want to get on the road with that much anger flowing through your veins. You jumped in surprise when your phone started ringing loudly from your purse and you groaned and reached for it and when you saw Harry’s name on the screen you just felt a wave of comfort and then it turned into fear. You knew Steven wasn’t here but you couldn’t help but glance around your immediate surroundings before answering the call.

“Hello?” You spoke into the receiver tentatively.

“Y/N, I ummm, I need you to come down to my hotel right away if you can.” He said to you and you felt your stomach drop.

“W-why?” You asked him nervously.

“Your boyfriend broke into my suite and tried to attack me.” He said and you gasped. “Are you alright?” You asked instantly.

“Yeah, thankfully. But now h-he’s telling the officers that you put him up to this.” He said lowly, “Just come and we’ll sort this out.” He assured.

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.” You said and took off despite your heightened emotions.

Just before you arrived to Harry’s suite you saw a pair of officers guide Steven away down the hall in hand cuffs. He had a bandage over his nose and a busted lip. He barely held eye contact with you as they pulled him along. You rushed down the hall and hurried into the open suite more than relieved to see a paramedic only icing Harry’s hand while he talked to one of the officers looming over him.

“Oh my god, I’m glad you’re okay!” You exclaimed in relief and he stood right away and hugged you tight as you leaned into him and that’s when all of your emotions from even the night before caught up with you and you started to cry. 

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s alright. I’m alright.” He assured you lowly.

“Yeah, but sometimes you minimize things to not worry anyone so…” you reminded and he chuckled a little as you pulled back, “I’m so sorry about this, H. Sincerely. Genuinely! I-I can’t believe he went as far as pulling something like this.” You expressed, still quite flabbergasted at what had gone down. Harry rubbed over your back in comforting circles.

“It’s alright. I’m alright.” He assured you, “He’s worse off than I am.” He smirked a bit as he delivered this news.

“Oh, I saw.” You chuckled through your tears and he hummed. “You’re not gonna get into any trouble, are you?” You asked.

“No, love.” He assured you, “I acted in self-defense so we’re all clear there. He did give me a good scare though.” He said more seriously and you sighed. 

“This never should have happened…I just don’t get it where this came from? I swear, this is not at all like him! I’ve never seen him behave this way in the couple months we’ve been seeing each other. Even last night was just so out of character for how he’s always been towards me! And I’m not trying to make excuses for him. Clearly this is fucked-”

“Wait. What happened last night?” Harry asked you more seriously and you sighed and shook your head.

“Nothing, really.” You said to him and he gave you a look, not a scary one, just an insistent one. You sighed and shrugged, “Last night when I…when I told him we met up to talk and get closure he got really angry at me. Like, he was livid. It was truly an overreaction to me mentioning that I was really happy over having received that apology from you but that I felt like I had been awkward about it and left it weird with us.” You explained, “Then, he asked why I didn’t ask for permission t-to talk to you or see you or why I didn’t ask him to come with me? And I explained that I agreed to meet with you so that we could clear the air so that I could move on with him in peace and he accused me of fooling around with you.” You explained monotonously as you felt like you were there all over again, “I assured him we just talked and he then pretended like it was fine and apologized half-heartedly… and I went in to hug him but then it’s like a switch flipped.” You recounted what had happened, “I thought he was going t-to kiss me but he…” your voice faded out into an exhale, “H-he grabbed me so hard by the throat and made me swear that I wouldn’t see o-or talk to you ever again-”

“Miss?” One of the officers interrupted and you turned towards the officer as Harry released you just a bit. 

“Yes?” You asked softly.

“Can you elaborate more on this altercation?” He asked and you swallowed thickly.

“I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.” You said softly, eyes now laser focused on Harry’s dangling pendant as your vision started to blur with more building tears. You were scared more than worried about getting Steven into any more trouble and Harry could see that. “Love, look at me.” Harry insisted and you blinked rapidly as one of your tears trickled down your cheek before you looked up at him, “If he did anything to scare you, you need to report it.” He said, “He’s fucked as it is for this, he can’t do anything to you ever again. He won’t.” Harry assured you and you nodded.

You proceeded to explain what had happened and how he had grabbed you. You explained that you felt intimidated and frozen and unsure of what to do next after the altercation. You were asked why you didn’t call the police or make a report and you explained that you didn’t think there was anything to report. He hadn’t technically hit you or injured you. You had no visible marks on you or anything to prove this apart from the fear you’d been harboring ever since. But the officer informed you that even a forceful grab is considered assault in the sate of California. And that speaking to you that way, exerting any tactics to make you feel subdued or intimidated were also considered acts of aggression and intimidation that were reportable offenses. And after a few more questions and you assuring them that he had never done anything like this to you before they moved back to the situation with Harry. With police reports filed they went on their way and you offered to get Harry a new place to spend the rest of his trip.

**************

It was just a few hours later and you were sitting in your living room waiting for Harry to come out of the shower and for his lawyer to arrive. You felt awful for this whole thing with Steven, you really had no idea he was a psycho like this. Marie had actually tried calling you almost 20 times and had sent you about 15 texts asking you to call back and that she was sorry for not believing you earlier. You were still too angry at her to respond so you put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” and just focused on the TV and wondered if it was a good idea to have brought Harry to your home. You had found another place for him to stay but before you booked it he asked if it would be alright to use your guest room because he was concerned for your safety since Steven knew where you lived. 

His concerns were valid. And you knew that Steven was well connected and had several lawyer friends who you were sure could get him out on bail by the morning, so you agreed to let him stay. You just didn’t want to also put Harry in harm’s way again. You would never forgive yourself if Steven did anything to hurt him. All in all, none of this felt real, you felt like you were in an unhinged daytime soap episode just waiting for another tragedy to befall you and those in your life. You were so on edge that you flinched in fright when the doorbell rang. Once the shiver passed through your body you hurried over to see through the peephole and saw Harry’s lawyer waiting there.

“Hi Darius.” You greeted him with a smile and he smiled back upon seeing you as well. It’d been quite a while.

“Y/N! Wow!” He chuckled, “It’s so great to see you!” He greeted you happily as you led him inside.

“Likewise! I think Harry’s just finishing up his shower, he had quite the day.” You said as you locked up behind him and he sighed.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry to hear about that. But I’m glad he’s safe and that you’re also safe.” He assured you and you thanked him before guiding him over to the kitchen and allowing him to get set up while you went to grab the Coca-cola he’d requested. 

It was just a couple of minutes before Harry joined you two and caught up a bit with Darius before he got into the story of what happened. Harry was going to follow through on pressing charges and he was even more motivated to get it all done ASAP when he heard what Steven had done to you the night before. He wanted to give Darius his statement as well while it was fresh in his memory so that it matched up perfectly to what he’d told the police and so he started answering the questions while Darius recorded and took notes as well. But hearing it in detail for yourself made it all the more sinister for you. You weren’t even thinking about it all that deeply when you reached for Harry’s hand under the table and he paused and briefly looked at you.

“Sorry.” You mouthed and started to pull it away from him but he instead tangled your fingers together and kept talking.

You stayed at his side for the rest of the time until Darius left, assuring you both that he’d let you know as soon as any headway was made in this case. With a final farewell you were locking up behind him as Harry waited for you just a small distance away. You sighed and turned to him.

“I’m so, so sorry about this, Harry. If I had know that he would do something like this… I mean, I just shouldn’t have said anything to him about you or-”

“Hey, it’s not your fault. How were you supposed to know, love?” He asked as he grabbed your face gently, right under your jaw and you swallowed thickly and he quickly slid his hands down to your shoulders. “Shit, I’m sorry. I forgot.” He said and you shook your head.

“It’s alright. It’s still fresh.” You reminded and he sighed and shook his head.

“I’m sorry…if I had just come back to you when I was supposed to we wouldn’t be in this mess.” He said and you sighed.

“You weren’t happy though, I mean…you preferred to be alone all this time instead of back with me so…it was the right thing for you at the time.” You said to him.

“You forgive me though, right? For not…” he trailed off and you nodded.

“Yeah, H.” You assured him and he pecked your lips quickly.

“Thank you.” He said quietly.

“Of course.” You whispered back. Your lips still tingling from his quick kiss. 

“Sorry, I just needed to kiss you.” He said and you smiled slightly.

“I get it.” You assured him. “D-do you want to…sleep with me?” You asked with a little bit of hesitation.

“Yeah, love.” He said without a hint of a doubt, “Of course. I’m a bit shaken up myself.” He said and you nodded.

“C’mon then.” You said and grabbed his hand and guided him to your bedroom. You guys washed up and then cuddled into your bed. 

You faced each other silently, just looking at each other, taking each other in. You were telling each other you had missed each other with your shared, longing gaze, but you refused to touch. You both loved the static and electric feeling buzzing between your bodies far too much. It was masochism in its purest form. It hurt to be apart, you missed his vibe. His energy. His presence…Harry was a warm, little ball of light, even on his dark days. He was the kindest, most thoughtful person you’d been is fortunate to encounter. He was so hard on himself also, and you knew he was angry at himself right now. You didn’t want him to be though, you wanted him to be here with you and enjoying this reunion, however unfortunate the situation was that led to it. 

The amount of love you felt for him was impossible. As you laid in silence you smiled because you had truly missed the sound of his breathing. You inhaled his exhales, feeling more than grateful to be within his reach. You wanted to feel him on you, skin to skin. You shivered as you felt this intense love just surge through you.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” You said softly and sincerely. His eyes glanced down, averting from your gaze as he smiled in disbelief. “I mean it.” 

“Even after all this time?” He asked, “After everything I’ve done?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t hurt by you.” You smiled and he chuckled, “But yeah, I still love you despite those things.”

“Enough to give me another chance?” He asked.

“I…I mean, yeah.” You chuckled nervously. “And I don’t know i-if I’m a complete fool for that?! But I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, baby. More so lately…” he said and you hummed.

“Why’s that?” You asked.

“Umm…I was cleaning out your side of things. Like to send ‘em back to you and I just…I found this little box in the corner on your side of the closet-”

“The memory box!” You exclaimed, remembering its existence.

“Yeah…I just got to see all of the wonderful things we’ve shared together. How you’ve been there for absolutely everything. You’ve never let me down.” He said softly, “And I just…felt like a total fool for dismissing that. Nothing feels the same without you, you’re the thing that just…tied everything together, you know? You made my heart feel…whole.” He explained, “When I say that I miss you that’s what I mean. I’ve been incomplete without you around, Y/N. I’ve been missing you from everything. I’m so sorry that I waited until I almost lost you to reach out to you…” he whispered with shame. You frowned and reached for his cheek

“Everything happens for a reason, honey.” You whispered, “I mean, I’m glad you came along at this time because you saved me from a potentially dangerous situation.” You said more solemnly.

“I’m glad I was here for this. May-maybe this is a…sign of sorts for you to come back home with me.” He said a bit carefully. 

Harry was nervous to bring this up to you but he really just didn’t want you staying anywhere near this man. He wanted to be certain that he could keep you safe, that he could protect you and ensure that you were never so easily in harm’s way again.  And on top of that, his love for you continued simmering lowly in the background, it had never gone out. He just fled out of fear and he regretted it so much. He had been selfish and didn’t realize it until far too late. It filled him with gratitude that you’d even hear him out for an apology, let alone give him another chance. A chance that he may have blown with this suggestion he’d just put out there.

“Ummm…I…I’m not sure w-what to say to that.” You responded honestly, “Like, my first instinct is to say yes.” You chuckled nervously and while he was relieved to hear that, he held off his excitement to hear what would come next, “But like you’ve acknowledged a couple times already, we’ve been apart for a while and I think we both hurt each other to some extent and I worry that…in jumping right back into where we left things off that we’ll forget about all of the issues that led to us breaking down instead of working through them.” You said and he hummed.

“Yeah, that’s extremely valid.” He responded, “And I guess I want this right now mainly because I don’t want you here all alone.” He explained, “I realize we have things to work through before we can get to where we were before all this. And I’m so willing to put in the work with you to get to that stage again. But right now I just want to ensure that you’re safe and far away from that prick, Steven. That’s my main concern as of now, baby.”

“Well thank you for worrying about me. I would love to leave with you but I don’t think it’d be a smart move.” You sighed.

“Even just for a few weeks until things cool off a bit? I can set you up somewhere else even.” He said and you bit your lip pensively.

“I’ll think about it.” You responded.

“Okay, that’s…that’s enough for me.” He whispered back.

***********************

It  was a couple weeks later when Steven finally showed up at your place. Obviously you had the locks changed, so his key didn’t work, which really angered him. And when you heard him shouting at you and pounding on the door, threatening to break in if you didn’t allow him in, you immediately called the cops as you had a restraining order filed against him. You also recorded everything this time as you tried to calmly coax him into leaving before they showed up. He was angry that Harry was pressing charges against him and he wanted you to talk him out of it. You knew better than to say anything about Harry’s case, so instead you asked Steven how he even got access to Harry’s location. Up until this point it was all speculation, you just assumed he grabbed the information off of your phone, that really was the only way. But there was no proof yet that this was a premeditated aggression on Steven’s end. So when he confessed to you that he searched for the information on your phone you were relieved and would submit that as further evidence to get a more strict order against him.

He refused to leave and the longer you didn’t let him in the angrier he got and even broke a window. Thankfully, the police were just arriving when this happened and they submitted an Emergency Protective Order, this was far more strict than the restraining order but that was really all they could do. You really didn’t feel safe anymore so the next morning you contacted your landlord and explained to her what had happened and let her know that you’d have to terminate your lease early for your safety. She was kind and didn’t make you pay the extra fee or even make you finish out a whole month, she just hoped you’d fine somewhere else soon. 

You contacted Harry and of course, he said you could stay with him for a little bit. You felt stupid for not just doing that to begin with like he had suggested. But the reality was that he had also hurt you and let you down and you were worried about what moving in together again so soon would do to impact your future. But for the time being this felt like the safest choice. Steven knew your friends and co-workers in the area thanks to Marie, so there was no one you could go to in LA that you felt he wouldn’t think of. It pained you to quit your job and pack up your life and go, but you needed to. Of course, Harry welcomed you with open arms and you were grateful to know that you were a whole continent and ocean away from LA right now. 

*****************

It had been three weeks of you living with Harry and things had been going well so far. You felt drained though, like completely fatigued from everything, you often felt this way when you were anxious or depressed so you prioritized reconnecting with your therapist from before right away. You were seeing her every week so far and were eager to see and feel the results of doing this deep and healing work after what had happened to you and Harry in LA. You also reconnected with a few friends and they were helping you network a bit to find a job. Harry assured you that he was more than capable to take care of you but you didn’t feel comfortable with that, especially since your romantic future together was still a bit up in the air.

You two were doing well, you were reconnecting as friends more than anything right now. Living with him was comfortable though, you had lived together before though, so you knew how to exist in the same space together. You soon noticed that just being in a situation that was familiar to you both was making you both more affectionate towards each other though, which you both had been working hard to keep at bay. Of course, the feelings were there, but having those little things that reminded you, you weren’t alone made you smile, like now…

“Baby, I’m home! Are you here?” Harry called as he came into the house.

“Yeah, I’m in the laundry room!” You called back over the rumble of the washing machine as you folded your laundry. Moments later he was coming into the small, warm room with a smile on his face.

“Hi, love! How was it today?” He asked as he came up to you and hugged you.

“It was good. I met with Poppy and her friend, Sheila, she’s the one who just started up her own tanner line or something and needs an accountant? She’s interested, so I’m meeting with her and her partner again her next week when she’s back from her vacation to see about the position.” You shared.

“That’s really good. Hopefully it pans out.”

“I hope so too.” You said as you dropped the t-shirt you were working on in the basket with folded laundry so that you could interlace your fingers as you clung to him.

“And like I said before though, no rush, okay? You’re doing plenty to help out here. And after everything else you’ve been through, taking it slow can’t hurt.” He added.

“Thank you. I really do appreciate that, H.” You smiled.

“Of course, love.” He hummed. You pulled back slowly and looked into each other’s eyes. “I’m really happy you’re here.” He reassured you.

“Thank you, baby.” You whispered.

“Baby?” He asked with a grin and you rolled your eyes and sighed.

“Well, I mean…you call me that, so…”

“It feels right, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” You agreed with a smile.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” You whispered with a smile. He tucked your hair behind your ear and kissed your cheek.

“Can I kiss your for real?” He asked you quietly and you just nodded. Moments later your lips met in a tentative kiss. There was a little bit of hesitation at first but seconds later you were kissing with more depth. Your hands held his as he cupped your face tenderly as you continued to kiss. You’d kissed very quickly a handful of times since your arrival but nothing like this where you could feel yourself getting all hot and bothered by it.

“Baby…” you mumbled into the kiss.

“Right…sorry.” He hummed and let you go breaking the kiss abruptly and you chuckled as you blindly reached down your leg and finally grabbed the dryer sheet that was half hanging out of the dryer and tickling your leg. You crumbled it up and tossed it in the garbage bin just a few feel away from you before turning back and looking up to him.

“You can continue now.” You said with a small smile and he grinned before picking you up and setting you on the dryer as your mouths met with more urgency. Your kiss and need started to grow and grow and boil over very quickly.

It really wasn’t planned when he carried you to his room and got you undressed. Even though you’d yet to resolve everything from before, you didn’t feel worried or wrong about this. You felt comfortable and beautiful as you felt his bare skin against your own. You were eagerly awaiting it as he kissed down your body and made you feel so good along the way. He wasted no time in getting down and going down on you, showing you just how much he had missed you. He savored you and gave you his best until you were starting to lose your grip on reality.

“Oh fuck, I missed you…” you giggled through a moan as his tongue did it’s wonderful work between your legs. You were tingling all over as he flicked over your clit until you were trembling and then he started to suck, “Oh my god!” You gasped as your eyes started to roll back. “I’m getting so close!” You warned. 

Your lips parted and you started to pant when he started to work two fingers into you. Your breath hitched when he curved them up into your g-spot. You felt your body melt into the bed for a second before he started to fuck into you harden until you were so tense your legs trembled as you started to come. The soft moans flowing from your lips were egging Harry on, making him even more hungry for you. You pulled him back up to you and your lips met eagerly as you reached for the button of his jeans.

“Want ‘em off?” He asked and you nodded, “Sure, baby?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, baby. I want you. I need you.” You whispered and he smiled before kissing your lips quickly before pulling back a bit.

“I just…I need you to know that if we do this I want us t-to be the thing that means we’re going to try again.” He said and your gaze softened, “Obviously, I’ve missed your body and having you like this, but this is more than that to me. I want it to  be more than that.” He said and you nodded.

“I do too, baby. I want to try again. I really do.” You said to him with welled up eyes and he smiled and kissed you slowly again.

“You are everything to me.” He mumbled as you helped get his pants off blindly as he tugged the material down, “I’m never going to forget that again. I swear it, baby. You make me so fucking happy.” He panted as he toed off the pants before he climbed over you and pulled you up with him towards the the top of the bed. You climbed over his lap and kissed his passionately. Harry’s hands roamed your naked body with expertise. He knew the spots to touch and to pay mind to as you guys worked up to the love-making bit. You too appreciated his body. You touched and kissed over his body and took his length into your mouth, working him up just a bit more before you two had sex. 

“Shit, baby…fuck that’s so good!” He groaned as you sunk down on him until you gagged around his tip. You weren’t as used to his size as you once were. 

“Careful, baby. Go easy.” He reminded as he stroked over your cheek lovingly before running his thumb along your stretched out bottom lip. He loved seeing how you fit him in your hot little mouth. It had his abs clenching hard as you rolled and fondled his heavy balls in your hands until he was fighting the urge to start thrusting in your mouth. “Baby, please…please, I need you.” He panted and you popped off of him and glanced up at him.

“Can I get on?” You asked and he swallowed thickly.

“A-are you sure you want this?” He asked and you nodded.

“I do, H. I want this with you. I want everything with you. Everything that we had, I want it all back. I love you more than anything in the wor-” he cut you off with his kiss and laid you down. You were dying of impatience as hi heavy erection glided against your slicked up and swollen folds, you were so ready to have him back.

“I love you. I love you so much.” He whispered as he lined up to your entrance.

“I love you too. Please just…I need you.” You begged and so he pushed forward until he was sinking deep in your hot, wet little hole until he bottomed out. 

You hissed as you adjusted back to his size, he was great about it, so patient and eager to get you going by rubbing over your clit until you were so wet you were sliding up and down his shaft. He watched you hungrily as you lifted your hips up and down to feel him moving inside of you. But it got to the point where he needed to take over and just get you both to come. His thrusts were deep and slow, he was bottoming out with each one, it was making your brain blank each and every time he sunk into the deepest part of you. Your body was tingling and your walls fluttering and pulsing around him with every movement. Everything felt so good with him. He was looking down at you with so much adoration it was making you even more emotional.

“Baby, baby don’t cry.” He chuckled as he kissed your forehead as a few tears streamed down your cheek.

“It just feels so…good.” You sniffled and he kissed you quickly, “It feels so good to be with you.” You hummed as you rolled your hips up against his and he moaned lowly and kissed you again.

“Yeah? Are you gonna come for me?” He asked and you nodded. “Good girl, let me know when you’re getting close.”

“I will.” You whined out as he delved deep and ground against you until your eyes squeezed shut, “Shit!” You gasped as he started thrusting a bit faster into that spot until you just felt yourself leaking around.

“Fuck…” he laughed, “Fuck, you’re so wet f’me, I-I’m getting close.” He panted and you whined and started to rub your clit to catch up to him.

In a few moments you were right there on the edge with him. Your back was arching as you moaned his name as your orgasm nearly took you out. Your ears were ringing and your vision was blurring as you started to come around him. He started to thrust faster to get off, but he was drawing out your orgasm until you were trembling.

“Fuck…fuck, I’m coming!” He warned as he started to press himself up to pull out. “Oh fuuuuck…” he moaned as he started to stroke himself as he came all over your mound. He thrusted his sensitive cock through your folds, making a little mess of you before kissing you ardently. “I love you. Love you so fucking much.” He whispered, his voice cracked as he started to cry and you pulled him into your chest and held him tight as you both just let your raw emotions out in this moment. 

You both needed it desperately. After he settled down he hurried to get something to clean you off and then you started to talk about you two. What you wanted, what you hoped to see in the future. You’d had these conversations before but even now the things that Harry was saying to you were complete different than before. Losing you seemed to be the thing that woke him up to how much he’d been taking you for granted. He’d gotten used to it, he’d gotten complacent at your expense.

“It’s going to be so different this time.” He said softly as he looked deep in your eyes, “I will be different this time.” He assured and you sighed.

“I believe you…there’s just a little part of me that is still not ready to let you back in.” You explained after he had explained how he was going to show up for you from now on, “I want to just trust you fully, but I’m afraid that you’ll make a fool of me again. That you’ll hurt me again.” You explained, “And I know y-you won’t but I just need to let you know that I’m still learning to trust you fully again.” You explained. “So please just…be a little patient with me.” You requested and he smiled.

“I know, baby. I will be patient with you and I will do everything I can to prove to you that I will never do anything to make you doubt choosing me again.” He said and kissed you slowly. You smiled into the kiss and let him pull you closer to him again and that’s how you fell asleep, nestled close together.

….. ONE MONTH LATER ….

In this short amount of time things had drastically shifted between you and Harry. You’d started to go on a date a week, doing thoughtful things for each other, sharing your feelings as they arose, communicated openly…he’d matured a lot in your time apart and helped you overcome your fears faster than you anticipated. You were so proud of him and it was spilling over into every moment. Like now, you were filled with a surge of love as you wandered into the kitchen to see him pulling out your favorite salad dressing from the fridge.

“Hiya, baby. What’re you up to?” You asked.

“Just making us your favorite salad for a light lunch.” He said.

“Wow, lunch already?” you asked and he smiled as you went over to him and hugged him from the back as you peeked over to his hands, eager to direct him on how much dressing he needed to add.

“Yeah, love!” He chuckled, “We had breakfast at 8! It’s already past 2pm.” He informed you and that surprised you. But you’d been so sucked into your work that it was very possible that you forgot to even feel hungry.

“Oh, I didn’t realize.” You explained and he frowned a bit.

“Baby, have you been feeling alright? It’s not just today, I’ve noticed that you haven’t had much of an appetite at all lately.” He pointed out and you frowned as you gave it some thought and realized that yeah, this was something you’d been feeling for at least two weeks. Maybe it was intense PMS? You hadn’t gotten your period since moving here, so you hoped it was just your body finally catching up with itself.

“You’re right…I mean, I have very visceral reactions to stress and big changes…I mean, my whole body and system have just been out of whack for a little but they’ll balance out again.” You assured him and he hummed.

“That’s true, it’s been hectic for you.” He said as he opened up the dressing bottle, “Honestly, I was thinking that-” he stopped as you gagged as the scent of the dressing wafting up towards you. You had to let him go and go hunch yourself over the sink as you felt the scent of the dressing just linger in your nose and mouth. “Baby…?” Harry came over and rubbed your back slowly, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah…” you grimaced, “But I think the dressing is bad. Didn’t you smell that? It was rank!” You turned to him with a disgusted look on your face and he frowned.

“I didn’t smell anything. You look a bit awful now though. You’re all pale.” He said feeling your forehead and you exhaled slowly to ward off the nausea that you suddenly felt making your head spin.

“I might throw up, the dressing smells so bad.” You explained and he frowned and turned to the counter and brought it up to his nose and it smelled just fine to him. He even checked the bottle for the usage date and it was still good. 

“This is fine…should I mix your salad with something else then?” He asked and you shook your head.

“I think I’m fine. I’ll just have some toast.” You said and he nodded. Eventually, you had to go back to your “office” and leave him hanging for lunch because you could not handle the look and scent of the salad, especially that dressing. By the time dinner rolled around you were still feeling a little off so you just had some veggies in a chicken broth and that was that.

*******************

You’d truly forgotten about your sensitive sense of smell until once again, you were assailed by an unbearable scent. Except this time it had happened at your friend, Poppy’s house. And this time you did actually get sick.

“God, I’m so sorry, P.” You apologized as you returned to her kitchen with embarrassment, “I swear its not your cooking, my nose has just been so sensitive lately and I get to grossed out by certain scents. I’m not sure what exactly yet though.” You explained to her.

“God, you sound like my sister when she got pregnant.” Poppy chuckled and you froze. That hadn’t even crossed your mind. Yeah, you’d missed your period for the last two months but literally everything impacted your period, your cycle was fickle, especially when you were under as much stress as you’d been. You weren’t surprised that it hadn’t come at all. Truly, this wasn’t new to you, especially when you were stressed out, regardless of whether or not you were on the pill (which you weren’t after moving back here, you’d run out the week before you came out). Then, you recalled that when you and Harry had sex the first time he hadn’t used a condom. Yeah, he’d pulled out but that was never a guarantee.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Poppy asked you with concern.

“I think I should probably take a test just to rule that out. I mean, it’s…very unlikely but I was a bit irresponsible a bit ago and just need some peace of mind.” You said.

“Okay, I have some in my bathroom, let me get you one.” She offered and you nodded so she hurried off to get it for you.

You were sure you were good, but you just needed to see it for yourself. There was absolutely no way you could be pregnant, you weren’t ready for that. Harry wasn’t ready for that. Like emotionally you guys were, but you had just rekindled your relationship, the last thing you needed was something this crazy to throw a wrench in things so quickly after you’d gotten back together.

“Alright, here you are, babe.” She said handing over the box as she came up to you again.

“Thanks.” You smiled nervously.

“W-would you mind if I did it here?” You asked her and she smiled and shook her head.

“Of course not.” She assured you and with that you were off to the bathroom again, sitting there, willing yourself to pee enough to saturate the stick and finally it came and you put the cap back on it and washed your hands before coming out. “I hate to be that person but what if you are pregnant?” She asked and you sighed.

“I have no idea…” you confessed through a nervous chuckle while you stared at the wall blankly, “I mean, H and I just…God, we’re just getting back into the groove of things. Throwing a baby into the mix at this time isn’t going to make anything easier. It’s just not what we need right now.” You explained to her.

“Yeah, I get that.” She chuckled, “Cam and I try and then we stop because of the same thing and like…ugh, it’s just a vicious cycle! And genuinely, if you have that many doubts it’s just that you’re not prepared for it, you know? That’s what I had to tell Cam after a few months.” She explained and you nodded in understanding. “I-if you are…what do you think Harry’d say?” She asked and you sighed.

“I have no fucking clue…” you admitted, “Obviously, before, we had said we wanted to have a family together. But again, that was before everything went to shit with us.” You sighed, “And like, we’re in such a good place right now…” you sighed, “Like I know he wouldn’t be a prick about it but we’re not quite ready for that yet.” You chuckled nervously and Poppy nodded in understanding.

“Well, don’t worry, you’ll see in a few minutes that everything is fine.” She smiled with encouragement. 

You decided to believe her that everything was going to be fine. You were already booked for a full body, deep tissue massage next week with Poppy when your timer went off. You turned off the timer and then brought the test up closer and your heart stopped beating and you stopped breathing for what felt like an eternity. Staring right back at you, clear as day, were two little pink lines.

“Th-that means I’m…right?” You asked showing Poppy and she bit her lip nervously and nodded.

“Are you okay?” She asked you with concern and you just exhaled slowly. You were completely taken by surprise. Then you started to get worried.

“I ummm…I think I need to get home.” You said to her, still in shock. You swallowed thickly as you tried to imagine how Harry would react to the news that he would be a father.

“Do you want me to drive you over?” She offered, since you had walked from Harry’s to hers. It was just a 20 minute walk, you guys lived quite close.

“No, no, P, it’s alright. I think walking will be good for me, I need to…I need…” you trailed off as your eyes started to well up with tears as you started to imagine the worst case scenario.

“Hey…Hey, hey, hey, c’mere.” She said pulling you into her arms as you started to cry, “It’s going to be alright, babe. H is not gonna be angry, you know that.” She assured you as she rubbed comforting circles into your back as you held her tight. “You have options, yeah? You know that he’ll have your back no matter what.” She said and you nodded, “Let me get you home, yeah?”

“Okay.” You whispered to your best friend and she gave you one more squeeze before letting you go.

  Once you got to your place she encouraged you to have a shower and that she’d get some tea going for you. You texted Harry that you needed him to come home as soon as possible, you didn’t want this solely on your chest for another minute. You took your time and when Harry started pulling into your driveway Poppy popped in and let you know before shouting a goodbye to you. You sighed and relished in the warm water for just another moment before turning off the water. You were soon reaching for your robe and slipping into it. You padded over to the mirror to wash your face and you bit your lip before untying the robe and looking over your body. You looked the same, you saw no evidence of a baby.

“Baby?” You heard Harry calling from downstairs. Soon, his footsteps were heard coming up the stairs and you quickly tied your robe up and got to lathering your face wash in your hands.

“In the bathroom!” You called back before rubbing it into your skin. He rushed into the bathroom and looked more than relieved to see you intact.

“Are you alright?” He asked and you sighed and quickly bent over to rinse your face. You then dabbed it dry as you reached for your toner.

“I think so…” you responded after a little bit, “I don’t know.” You sighed as you grabbed your moisturizer.

“Well what’s going on? Hmmm?” He asked you as he came over and kissed your shoulder, his arms wrapped around your middled and pulled you in closer and suddenly you had to throw up again. You gasped and wriggled out of his hold and turned around to face him. Your eyes started welling up with tears again and you were just building up the courage to say it. “Baby, you’re worrying me.” He said softly and you swallowed thickly.

“Ummm…I…I’m pregnant.” You said and his jaw slightly dropped. He let out a small and nervous laugh before he just pulled you back into his arms without a single word. You hugged him back and just held each other for a little bit.

“What do you want to do?” He finally asked you and you shook your head.

“I have no fucking clue…” you said and he let you go and hoisted you up onto the counter. You draped your arms over his shoulders as he held your thighs, “I mean, what do you think?” You asked and he sighed.

“I don’t fucking know…I mean, that’s gonna be our baby so I…like I’m inclined t-to give it a try. But at the same time I don’t know that our relationship is ready for something like this. I mean, I want this with you in a few years but we’re just getting started again.”

“I know…I don’t even know how this…like you pulled out.”

“I know, but it’s not always a guaranteed thing.” He said and you sighed.

“I should’ve said something then…” you shook your head as you rubbed your forehead with one of your hands.

“Hey, there’s no point for any would’ve-should’ve-s,” he said, “It’s gonna be alright. We’ll figure it out soon, okay?” You nodded, “Just take your time, baby. Whatever you decide, I have your back.” He assured you and you nodded. He grabbed your face and kissed your lips until you were smiling.

“Stoooop.” You giggled, “M’not in the mood.” You pouted through your smile and he smiled.

“I think you’re lying.” He hummed and you rolled your eyes. “Look, how about we get an appointment with the doctor and see how far along you are and maybe that’ll help us decide what we might want to do.” He said and you nodded.

“Yes, good thinking.” You smiled, “God, I was so scared to tell you.” You sighed and he tutted.

“What made you think to take a test?”

“I smelled something P was cooking and got sick.” You said, you felt tour cheeks growing hot in embarrassment. Harry chuckled and then furrowed his brows pensively. 

“Didn’t you almost get sick at the salad dressing a bit ago?” He recalled and you chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s true…” you remembered, “I mean, I know I haven’t gotten my period but-”

“How was that not a sign?!” He chuckled in disbelief and you proceeded to explain how your period often skipped when you were under a lot of stress so this wasn’t an odd thing for you. But he was sweet, he was calm, but you could see the cogs just turning at full speed in his mind. You hoped he wasn’t angry at you, but you couldn’t help but think that he was and that he would run again. “I’m not angry, you know?” He mumbled softly and you glanced into his eyes and smiled a bit, “I can see it in your eyes, you know?” He whispered.

“You sure?”

“I am, baby. But I am…excited too…I mean, I don’t want to dwell on it too much incase we decide not to proceed with this but…I am. I mean, you’re the only person I want to have a life with. No matter how it happens, it’s you that I want to have babies with and raise them with and just share that experience with. So if you did want to continue with the pregnancy that would be good with me too.” He hummed.

“Okay. Thank you for your opinion.” You whispered before kissing his lips and hugging him tight against. You kissed at his neck as you just nestled yourself in the crook of it. “I love you.”

“I love you.” He smiled.

…. TWO DAYS LATER ….

You currently found your self peeing into a cup at the doctor’s office. You knew you were pregnant, but the doctor wanted to verify before they did an ultrasound to see where you were at. Once you finished you closed up the little jar and left it not he shelf as instructed. You washed your hands and then scurried across the hall and back into your room to see Harry intently reading the poster on the wall abut pregnancy.

“You know you get super horny during the second trimester.” He said in amusement, “As if you needed any more of that while pregnant…greedy.” He mumbled with a grin and you chuckled.

“You’re dumb.” You said as you went back over to the bench and sat again. You dangled your feet back and forth for a bit before Harry came over.

“What’re you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that…this is fucking insane.” You chuckled.

“In a good way?”

“Yeah…bad too.” You hummed and he nodded and leaned in to kiss your cheek.

“It’s going to be just fine, baby.” He assured you right as the doctor knocked at the door. “Come in!” Harry called and soon the woman was coming in.

“Hello, Y/N!” Dr. Sallow greeted you sweetly, “Glad you’re back!” She said with glee and you smiled.

“Thank you.” You replied, “And ummm, this is Harry, my…partner.” You said and she turned to him and smiled.

“Harry, wonderful to meet you.” She smiled and extended her hand and they shook them quickly before she walked over to the screen. “So, you’re here because you are pregnant.” She said and you nodded, “I can confirm that.” She smiled and Harry squeezed your knee when you inhaled sharply. It sort of felt official now. “So we can definitely do an ultrasound if you’d like, the room is available. Or did you have other questions?” she asked.

“Definitely an ultrasound. Want to know how far along I am and that sort of thing.”

“I’d assume fairly early if you’re just noticing any symptoms, so don’t be too disappointed if we don’t see much of anything just yet.” She forewarned and you both nodded. “Alright, I’m gonna have nurse Debbie set up the room and then she’ll escort you over and we’ll get a look at you.”

“Thank you.” You smiled and soon she excused herself before fluttering off to her next patient. You only waited a couple of minutes before nurse Debbie came to escort you to the ultrasound room and got you all set up. Harry was practically bouncing beside you with anxiety as he waited. 

“Let me get the doctor.” Debbie said and hurried out. You glanced over to Harry.

“Hey, hold my hand.” You said and he dragged a chair over and interlocked your fingers. “I’m so excited to see.” You whispered and he grinned wide.

“Me too.” He confessed and you chuckled. “Maybe we…think a bit more about keeping it…” he suggested and you smiled a bit.

“Yeah? You mean it?” You asked softly and he nodded.

“I do, baby.” He smiled. 

A few moments later Dr. Sallow was announcing herself again before coming in. She explained the procedure and then got the gel on you before grabbing the camera and gliding it over your tummy, looking for the best spot.

“Oh…there we are.” she hummed and Harry immediately shot upon seeing the image projected on the screen.

“Oh my god…” he whispered as he squeezed your hand tight and you smiled up at him quickly before you both glanced back over to the screen.

“So that there is the head and the arms and legs…” she pointed out and shifted the angle, “Do you want to know the sex?” She asked as she turned to you and you chuckled.

“That’s…ummm, isn’t it a bit early to know that?” You asked her and she shook her head.

“Not at all, we can tell as early as 10 week if the position is right.” She explained and you’re heart stopped.

“And I’m already 10 weeks along?” You asked shakily as the realization of what this meant started to settle in. You felt Harry starting to pull his hand away from yours.

“Oh no, you’re more like 14 weeks, dear.” She said and that’s when Harry completely pulled away from you and you felt the air completely leave your lungs. You turned to him and he just clenched his jaw as he ran his fingers through the top of his hair. “So do you want to know?” She asked and you were so frozen that you nodded quickly as your eyes teared up. “It’s a girl.” She said with a smiled and you just nodded.

“That’s…that’s so great.” You whispered and then brought a hand up over your mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound as started to cry. Dr. Sallow turned to you quickly with concern and then you felt Harry’s hand grab yours again. You turned towards him and saw he was crying too. “I’m sorry.” You whispered and he shook his head.

“We’ll talk about it.” He said to you softly and you nodded.

“Is everything alright?” Dr. Sallow asked and you sniffled.

“Sorry, yes. I just didn’t mean to say that.” You explained and she apologized but you assured her it was fine. 

You just wanted to get out of there… you were mortified. This wasn’t Harry’s baby and now you really had no idea what to do. You always used condoms with Steven, but now that you knew he was psycho, you had no doubt that he was capable of sabotaging you like this. More than anything you were so hurt and angry that he had taken this from you and Harry. For a second you almost turned and asked for an appointment for an abortion but you glanced at the screen and you were flooded with guilt for even thinking that.

“Ummm, I’d like to leave.” You said as you started to sit up and Dr. Sallow was quick to clean you off. Harry helped you off of the reclining seat and you were back on the road not even ten minutes later. 

You were just silent the whole way home, you felt like shit. You felt awful for getting Harry all excited only to know that this was not his child you were carrying. You were so confused right now, you almost wanted to pinch yourself and hope you woke up. You could feel Harry continuously glancing over at you but you couldn’t look at him. There was no way you could look at him after this. It was over between you two…there was no way you could ask him to stay with you after this. It wouldn’t be fair to him. When you got to the house you made it to the stairwell and plopped down as you started to sob violently.

You moved to the side when you saw Harry coming over, assuming he was just going to go up to the bedroom. But then he crouched down and sat a step above you and pulled you into him by the shoulders.

“It’s o-”

“Don’t say it’s okay.” You cut him off, “This is not okay.” You whispered sadly. “I hate Steven.” You seethed and he swallowed thickly as you started to sob and he pulled you closer and kissed the side of your head.

“I love you, okay? This doesn’t change that for me.” He said to you and you shook your head.

“I would never ask you or expect to stay. It’s not fair to you, Harry…” you said sadly, “I was about to tell Dr. Sallow that I wanted to abort but then I saw the screen again and I just…I don’t think I can do it. That’s like…a part of me too and I just…I don’t think I can go through with it.” You said again, sputtering on your tears. “If that means that we’re over, I get it. I totally understand it.” You sniffled.

Harry frowned deeply as he heard you say this. His heart was completely torn right now. He thought you were reacting this way because you were going to terminate the pregnancy upon finding out that it wasn’t your baby together. But hearing you say that you wouldn’t be able to do that, it made him so angry and so hurt. Despite his own feelings about this, he fully understood why changed your mind. After seeing the tiny little thing tucked inside of you his heart was in shambles too. He was fully ready to advocate for you guys keeping it, but hearing how far along you were, it completely shattered his heart. He felt physically ill as the moment replayed in his brain. You’d both slept with other people during your time apart, so he wasn’t angry at that, it was more that it was Steven’s. A man who had hurt you and disrespected you and that scared you. It made the hate he felt for him grow even more intense than it already was. He was livid, he could kill him for taking this from you two. Harry had to decide how he would proceed from here. You were fully prepared to leave him again in order to keep this baby and the thought of it put so much sorrow in his heart. He didn’t want to lose you.

The idea of leaving you and letting you do this all on your own made his sad. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved to have a good pregnancy, one that came with a supportive partner, someone to share the experience with. He wanted to be the person to be there for you but right now the thought of that little thing growing inside of you made his blood boil with hatred. He couldn’t think clearly in the slightest. 

“I ummm…I love you so much, baby. I just, I think I need some time t-to process this and just think about it all.” He said to you and you nodded. “I love you though. You know that right?” He asked and you nodded again as he kissed the side of your head.

“Love you too.” You whispered and he hummed. “Should I go for a couple of days?” You asked quietly.

“No, baby.” He said quietly, “You stay here and rest up.” He hummed lowly, “I think I’m gonna go up north and just spend a few days with my mum, clear my head, if that’s alright?” He asked. You wanted to say no, the last thing you wanted right now was to be all alone with this information. But you had no choice but to agree, you had just put him in the most impossible position and he deserved to have the space to think about it as calmly and comfortably as possible.

“Yeah, sure.” You whispered.

“Can I tell my mum?” He asked and you sighed.

“Why the fuck not…” You chuckled through your tears and he pouted.

“Hey, look at me.” He insisted, “I won’t if you don’t want me to, baby. This is about you, about your body. If you want me to keep it to myself I will.” He assured.

“Sorry. I’m just afraid that it’ll change how she feels about me.” You explained nervously. You’d had a wonderful relationship with Anne. You missed her wisdom and kindness and friendship during your time apart from Harry and hearing that another man had impregnated you, her son’s girlfriend, well you’d understand if it upset her. 

“No…I mean, things happen. Accidents happen.” He said and you shook your head.

“Baby, I-I don’t think this was accidental because we used a condom every single time. I’m certain of it!” You wept, “Like I’m not stupid, or careless like that.” You assured.

“You think he ruined the condoms?” He asked and you sighed as you recalled all of the overtly possessive things Steven had been saying to you during sex the last month or so that you had been together. Things about making you his forever, about giving him babies one day, making you a mom…you thought he was just introducing some of his preferences in bed with that kind of talk, but maybe it was more than that. 

“It’s very possible.” You said softly.

“Jesus…” he shook his head, “How fucked up was this guy?” He asked you and you shrugged.

“I never saw that side of him before all of this.” You said and Harry sighed and nodded. After a moment of silence he cleared his throat.

“Ummm…I’m just gonna pack and head out soon, want to avoid that rush hour traffic near Birmingham.” He said and you nodded. 

He stood up and then offered to help you stand as well before you guys went up to the room. You sat on the bed as you watched him pack a couple days worth of clothes. You wanted to ask him to stay, but you couldn’t be that selfish. This was the least you could do for him after that a-bomb was just dropped on him. Not to mention the a-bomb you’d just dumped on him too. When he finished packing up his bag he went over and kissed you quickly.

“I’m not running away from you, okay? I just need to clear my head.” He reassured you, his words were mumbled against your forehead before he kissed you there, “I love you so much.” He whispered before kissing your lips.

“Love you.” You mumbled, “Text when you get there, yeah?”

“I will, baby.” He assured.

“Be safe.”

“Always.” He hummed before he bid you farewell once more before he left. 

Once you heard him pull out of the driveway you just curled up on your side and started to cry. This couldn’t be real…there was no way this could be real. You felt completely defeated. The only thing you could think that made you happy was that you never wanted Steven to know about this, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. You had no idea how that would go down with your child in the future, but right now you wanted him not to know a single thing about you ever again. After coming to that conclusion you ended up calling your mom and telling her everything that happened. You talked and cried for nearly an hour before she had to go, but not without promising she’d call again and chat the next day in order to keep you some company, even from afar. 

After that you decided to draw yourself a warm and relaxing bath, that always made you feel so calm. So you started out on that, letting your bath bomb melt in the warm water as you made yourself a nice cup of tea, your last caffeinated one for the foreseeable future, and then got inside.

*****************

Harry had been driving up the M1 motorway for a bit before he quickly texted his mum his ETA. This caused her to call him right away and ask what this surprise visit was about, but he couldn’t speak when he answered her call. He just sobbed, he sobbed for nearly 15 minutes before he shared what had happened that morning at the doctor’s office. He explained everything he was feeling, even the bad things he was thinking, but the one thing that kept coming up was how much he loved you.

“I love her so much but I just don’t think I could get past the fact that, that prick is the baby’s dad…I cannot for the life of me sit with that information and not become enraged by it.” He said, it pained him to spare Steven a thought.

“D-do you feel angry at Y/N for being with him?” She asked and he frowned.

“No/ It’s not like I didn’t see other people but I hate that she thinks that I couldn’t be with her after this. Like, I think about letting her go, like she’s saying, and it absolutely guts me.” He explained. “And like…I feel bad that it crossed my mind at some point, but not for the reasons you might think, it’s just that I don’t know i-if I am even prepared to take that role on.” He sniffled.

“No one ever is, even when it’s meticulously planned, H.” She reasoned and he sighed,

“Are you concerned about him wanting to come back into her life?” She asked and he nodded.

“Yeah…a bit.” He admitted, “I mean, I don’t think he’s the type to take any accountability for his actions but if he finds out about it he’s so arrogant that he might want to just to make her uncomfortable. I mean, Y/N thinks it may have been deliberate because she said she always made sure t-to use protection. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past him to do something like that, the man was completely mad.” He shared and his mum hummed in understanding.

“Well sweetheart, it doesn’t sound to me like you’re all that conflicted. It sounds to me like you don’t want to end things with her.”

“Of course not! But what if I…what I can’t love that baby as much since I now know this?” He asked.

“I-is that what’s holding you back?” She asked and he hummed on confirmation. He felt like a complete prick saying that but he was legitimately concerned about this. What if you went on to have your own kids together and it just changed something in him? What if he was open to being with you now but then changed his mind? What if he saw Steven every time he saw that baby and only felt anger instead of love? The chances of something like this happening were extremely low, practically non-existent, but not 0%. And in the end he would hurt you and that baby even more if he walked out because one of these things happened.

“You know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you will love her just fine, H. You know why?” She asked and he hummed, “Because out of everyone in the world you know the impact that one incredible and dedicated man can have on a child.” She said and he sniffled, “You’ve seen for yourself that a biological connection is not needed to give someone unconditional love and support. You’re lucky, you got that from two fathers.” She said and he smiled.

“Yeah.” He whispered.

“I’m not saying that it won’t be scary and difficult at times t-to do this, but it can also be extremely beautiful and rewarding. You’re both such wonderful people that if you decided to stay and do this together you could impact that child’s life for the better, just like yours was.” 

“Right…” he said softly

“And well, honestly sweetheart, these concerns you have, they’re things you need to figure out with Y/N. She will listen to you, H. I mean, if you’re feeling this conflicted about things I can’t image how she must be feeling now.” she said with sympathy and when he saw himself nearing Birmingham he felt awful. It got as bad as him feeling sick to his stomach as he pictured your fearful and distraught face back in the bedroom. He’d done it again, he’d left you hanging at a time when you needed his love and support the most. He loved you so much, he could not believe he’d left you alone in that state. And in two seconds he started to signal to get off of the motorway.

“Mum, I ummm…I need to go back and be with, Y/N.” He decided, “I shouldn’t have left here there by herself after everything she had to hear today…I’d be surprised if she was still there after I just walked out…fuck!” He groaned in frustration.

“H, she loves you so much.”

“I love her too…why do I keep doing the wrong thing and hurting her?” He cried now as he got off at the next exit. He was waiting for the traffic to clear before he could make his turn to turn around.

“I think it kind of scares you, how much you love her. And I think in a way you might feel like you could lose her, so you pull back regardless of how that might make her feel. It’s self preservation.” She explained and he swallowed thickly. Hearing this helped him mentally decide that he wasn’t going to run any more, after everything he’d done you’d given him another chance regardless of the possibility of him hurting you again. This was his chance to show you that his love for you was bigger than everything else. “Don’t be afraid to open your heart, sweetheart.” She added and he hummed.

“Alright, thank you for listening. I’m just gonna call Dr. A and ummm…hopefully sort some mental things out before I get back to Y/N.” He said.

“Okay, bub. Be safe, please let me know when you’re home safe. I love you.”

“Love you.” He mumbled before he hung up and got back onto the motorway but heading back towards the South. He wasn’t going to do the same thing again and leave all alone to guess just how much he loved you, not this time. He was going to be there for you and support you and love you both.

*****************

It was a bit odd to you when you heard the large gate to Harry’s house opening up. But then you recalled that sometimes his PA would do errands that required him to come to the house. So you just got out of the tub quickly and rinsed your body off in the shower before getting into your robe in case he came upstairs for any reason. You were just getting one of Harry’s hoodies when you heard his voice.

“Baby? Are you still here?” He called out as you heard the front door shut heavily against the frame. You hurried into the yoga pants you’d grabbed and rushed out to see him coming up the stairs. 

“You came back.” You sighed in relief as he hurried up and he just pulled you right into his arms and you started to cry.

“I’m so sorry. I should never have left you like this, baby.” He sniffled as he kissed your head over and over again. “I love you so much. I love you so fucking much.” He assured you. “I’m not leaving you alone with this, baby.” He said to you and you pulled back a bit to look at him.

“What do you…mean by that?”

“It means that we’re doing this together.” He said to you and you shook your head.

“I can’t…I couldn’t do that to you.” You said to him and he shook his head.

“You’re not doing anything to me, baby. If you’re keeping this baby I am choosing to do this with you. I know it’s going to be hard but I will be there for you every step of the way and love our little babygirl with everything I am. I love you far too much to not see this through with you.” He said and you just broke down and hugged him tight.

You had no words, there was just joy. You knew this would be hard and challenging and even sad at times, but he’d come back to you and he wanted you to stay with him.

“I love you so much, H.” You finally whispered before kissing his lips.

“You’re everything to me, baby. We’re gonna get through this.” He smiled and you smiled.

“Promise?”

“I promise.” He smiled, “It was actually my mum who reminded me that biology had nothing to do with being a great father, so…she doesn’t hate you.” He said and you chuckled through your tears.

“Good, that would’ve definitely been the worst outcome.” You said jokingly and he smiled. “And look, I know that there are a lot of logistics and other things to discuss and I’m still sorting through that mentally, s-so if you can just be a little patient with me while I…get that together in my head I would really appreciate that. I’m still processing that there’s a little person forming in there and it’s kind of…freaky.” You said as you looked up into his eyes and he sputtered on a laugh. You frowned at his reaction, “What?”

“I thought you were going to say it was magical or amazing, not freaky.” He giggled and you did as well. 

“Oh…well, I…I don’t feel…happy about it yet.” You confessed to him and this brought on a fresh wave of tears, “I feel like shit about that. Like I’m gonna be a mom, I should be happy, not freaked out, shouldn’t I?” You asked him.

“Not necessarily. You can feel however you want about it, baby.” He assured you, “Especially in this situation, it’s come as a surprise to you. I don’t judge you at all for not feeling happy about this yet, baby.”

“Promise?”

“I swear it.” He promised before pecking your lips again quickly.

“Thank you.” You whispered and he nodded and smile at you.

“Wanna do something to take your mind off of things for a bit?” He asked.

“Like what?”

“We can…sort through the pantry and fridge and see what foods you’ll have an aversion to?” He offered and you smiled and shook your head at his bizarre, yet completely productive suggestion. “I see you trying to hold back your smile.” He teased and you finally gave in.

“That’s the wildest but most genius thing you’ve ever suggested.” You giggled.

“I know. Imagine how smart our kid’s gonna be?! We’ve got this in the bag.” He said confidently.

“You think so?” You asked and he nodded.

“With you as her mum, I know so.” He smiled.

…. 1 YEAR LATER ….

You woke up feeling completely refreshed and renewed. It was absolutely quiet in the house and it was strange to wake up in silence. When you rolled over and looked at your phone you saw it was nearly 10am and shot out of bed. You had no idea how you’d slept in that much! The baby needed to be fed and changed! You hurried over to the nursery already thinking up an apology in your head for Ellie. But when you made it into the nursery it was empty. Harry had some work to do for Pleasing today so you knew he’d be out. Maybe he called someone to come look after the baby? When you passed by his home studio on the way to the kitchen you heard his voice along with others, so you knocked on the door.

“Come in!” He called quickly and you peeked inside and immediately smiled when you saw Harry spin around in the chair with Elara sitting on his lap, she was literally just chilling there while she drooled all over one of the newer nail polishes Pleasing would release soon. He smiled at you over the sounds of whoever was speaking right now. “Hey guys, are we good for today or is there anything else we needed to go over?” He asked with a smile as you waved from the background.

“We’re all good!” You heard and then heard the multiple voices bidding farewell to you and baby Elara before he hung up.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You said to him as you walked into the room to grab her from him.

“It’s alright, baby, we were just chatting a bit.” He assured you, “Weren’t we?” He asked the baby who just ignored him to keep attempting to bite the bottle in her hands before he started to rub at her back.

“I know you had work, you should’ve woken me up.” You said as you kissed his head.

“No way.” He chuckled, “You know, you slept through two whole alarms, you clearly needed the rest. I thought you were dead for second there.” He said with grin and you tutted.

“Don’t even say that.” You scolded.

“You’re right, sorry. Bad joke.” He corrected himself, “But really, my love, I don’t mind doing these launch plan meetings online, it’s none of the fun stuff so.” He shrugged and you smiled, “Besides when I have Ellie on camera everyone is so obsessed with her little smile that they’re so agreeable, so it’s a win-win.” He chuckled and you smirked.

“God forbid the paps see her and exploit her for money, but her own father is exploiting her cuteness for sway in the board room.” You said with a grin and he chuckled.

“Hey, she likes hearing all the commotion too.” He added and you smiled before kissing the top of her head and she sighed and laid over his chest making you both coo. “She finally slept through the night. Sorry you missed it.” He said softly and you chuckled.

“I’m sorry you’re so used to waking up to her crying that you noticed!” You giggled as you raked your fingers through his curls easily and he hummed.

“I don’t mind it. Reminds me that this little cutie is finally here.” He said and you smiled at how sweet he was with her.

“I can’t believe she’ll be six whole months tomorrow.” You said in disbelief.

“I know…S’your half birthday, bub.” He said to her and she just blinked tiredly, "She’s perfect though, isn’t she? Your little twin.” He hummed with pride as he looked down at her and then at you again. You nodded and watched him with her for a few moments.

Harry had nothing but love for baby Elara. He adored her completely. He almost felt silly for being so worried that he wouldn’t bond with her as genuinely as if she were his biological daughter. Once he saw you starting to show and you guys started shopping for the nursery, and picking out baby names, every ounce of doubt he had melted away. That was his daughter in every sense of the word. He had so much love for the both of you that he felt like his heart would burst sometimes.

“I love you so much.” You said to him and he glanced up at you.

“More than Ellie?” He smirked and you chuckled.

“The same, I think.” You hummed and he looked surprised.

“Oh wow, I was expecting a firm no.” He laughed.

“Oh my god…I love you both. It’s a bit different for sure but I somehow get it all to fit in my heart.” You said and he smiled as he stood up.

“Look at her, she’s about to pass out again.” He said as he looked down at the baby.

“I think we should get her back in the crib and have a cuddle. We can watch that show you’ve been pestering me about.” He suggested

“Love is Blind?” You gasped and he nodded. 

Soon enough you had washed your face and brushed your teeth, as you did every morning, all while Harry got Ellie down. But he soon joined you in bed as you waited for him to return. He climbed into the bed beside you and like a magnet, you immediately scooted right up against him and kissed him gently, it caught him by surprise.

“Thank you for letting me sleep in, baby. That was exquisite.” You confessed and he smiled and pecked your lips again.

“Of course, baby. Anytime.” He smiled. “I do have a question for you though…when are we going to have another baby?” He asked you and you giggled.

“Ummm, ask me in a year!” You laughed.

“A year?” He scoffed.

“Hey, it’s hard work!” You added and he smiled.

“Yeah, but it’s so worth it, isn’t it?” He asked with a smile and you sighed happily at his response.

“Yeah…” you hummed, “It’s all worth it.” You smiled.

“Our little family makes me so happy, I just want one more.” He said and you glanced into his eyes.

“Just one more.” You agreed and he chuckled.

“Yeah, just one.” He assured you, “So in a year I’ll ask again, okay?”

“Okay.” You sniggered and kissed him quickly again before you got the show going.

You were explaining a little bit about why you were suddenly so interested in this show without trying to give away too much of what you knew had gone down, thanks to your friends and social media. He easily got sucked into the narrative and when you both started commenting as you watched on you just got so happy that you could share something so simple together and then also something as huge and serious as a baby. It made your tummy flutter and swirl with love for him and you then realized that maybe it would be less than a year before you’d be trying for another baby and you were perfectly alright with that.

---- TAG LIST ----

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These are the friends who liked the ask with the request for this piece:)

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[sanctus-ingenium]

Another one of these since i haven't done it in a while! Sketch -> finished illustration

Thoughts & process below the cut :>

Out of Bounds: i deleted the sketch of this off my ipad because i didn't like it, and for months it only existed as a screenshot on discord. finally in january of this year i was like Wait Actually and decided to keep working on it. I didn't achieve the look I was going for (kind of foggy and vague. It came out too sharp and high contrast) but it was fun to throw the kitchen sink at it for an afternoon and then call it done finally. I don't remember which horse this was originally supposed to be, I think Macha?

I reused the pose, you'll find the same one in my Pascal sketchbook from the section on gait studies. That's the cool thing about doing 30 sketches at once, you can finish them up any time you like for a different drawing

The Fool ft Islin: the original concept for this is from [takes a moment to decipher the american date system on discord] January 2022

It wasn't dynamic enough, but I've had this on the backburner for sooo long. I think I completed like 4 cards in between this sketch and the final version lol. But, for a bit of background, this is from my series of major arcana based in Inver, and in particular the events of the 1860s-era book series, Moth Viper Foal (a demo of the first book, Said The Black Horse, is available for free/pwyw in my shop). This scene is a companion to Said The Black Horse, depicting the aftermath of the traumatic fight that caused Islin to storm off. He had been working at the mill as a semiprofessional back alley surgeon when he received an offer to join the church and work as a trained surgeon in their hospital. But when he brought the good news back to his friends it was met with utter rejection, driving him to basically run away to join the church. while gay and trans. thus the card.

he didn't actually bring a bag with him when he ran out but for the sake of the card i drew him with one

Gryfon and Pantera: This is how 99% of holy beast drawings start out, even the super stylised ones. I struggle a lot to draw them in procreate so they start in sai and then i transfer them over. The story of this is already explained in the caption of the original post so I'll just talk about the process which was... honestly torturous. I actually don't like too much textures and effects on things (wild, I know) and this one and Out of Bounds are ones where I kind of preferred it pre-texturising.

The text on the side is the official in-universe report of the event, detailing the casualties, the valiant actions of Gryfon's knight before he died and so on. There's also spoilers in there :>

My main struggle with this art style is how it always ends up slightly TOO sharp and crisp in a way the just a blur filter never can correct. There's not a lot of immersion to break, to be fair, but I think this still does it a little. I need to get more comfortable doing the lines with larger and softer brushes, and allowing imperfections.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Sep 10th

~*~

1. For the next fic finder: I've been trying to find a Modern AU WangXian fic where WWX gets kicked out of the Jiang household (i think because he got pregnant? unsure about that though), he runs off with LWJ, and does not see them for several years. A majority of the fic focuses on Jiang Cheng stalking WWX after they accidentally reunite because Lan Sizhui & Jin Ling start dating? A few pivotal scenes I can remember include jc taking Jin Ling and friends to a concert (which upsets LSZ's parents because he's been stalking wwx) and JC cornering WWX in a car and trying to kiss him. For the life of me, I can't find it anywhere.

FOUND! I think this is the deleted "Meant to be (but not the way I wanted)" by sekhmetpaws. It is partially available on the wayback machine

~*~

2. Hihi! By any chance do you know of a Wangxian fic where I think its the juniors who travel through a portal to the past (I distinctly remember the portal part), and they improve and change everything except future Guanyao finds about the portal and tries to use it, eventually past guanyao finds out the future Xichen is mourning and missing him so he travels through the portal to be with him? Thank you in advance ❤️❤️❤️❤️ @memeismemeismeme

FOUND? And They Lived Happily Ever After… by Morgana_avalon (G, 51k, wangxian, JL/LSZ, Burial Mounds Settlement times, hurt/comfort, fix-it)

FOUND? Time Charm by Jenrose  (E, 141k, wangxian, later queerplatonic LWJ/WWX/WQ, LXC/JGY/2nd Madam Mo, time travel fix-it, post-canon, everyone lives au, genius inventor WWX, BAMF wangxian, first time, pregnancy, childbirth, asexual character, aftermath of time travel, telepathic bond, slice of life)

~*~

3. hi! this is for fic finder. i’m looking for 2 different fics with a similar premise. A) in one, there’s something wrong with wwx’s core and wen qing has to build a framework for a new one, and everyone (lan wangji, lan xichen, jiang fengmian, madam yu, jiang yanli, jiang cheng, etc.) take turns giving him spiritual energy for the new core while wwx lies unconscious on i think an operating room table. i think it’s a modern au.

B) in the second one i’m looking for, i think wwx has reincarnated and is reunited with lwj at the end, but there’s something wrong with his core. jiang cheng, who cultivated to immortality using wwx’s core, gives his core back to him because he was tired of being alive (or something like that, i’m not too sure). i don’t think there’s reconciliation between the two of them. thank you so much! @ieatkitcat

3A)

FOUND! please forgive my most passionate disruptions by pumpkinpaix (E, 65k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Modern: Still Have Powers, stripper!WWX, Graduate School, Internalized Homophobia)

3B)

FOUND!🔒Confusion by Vrishchika (Not rated, 4k, wangxian, time travel)

~*~

4. Hi! I am searching for two wangxian fics if you could help me out! Thanks!

A. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji along with juniors are kind of on a road trip...I don't remember if it was a case fic or not, but I think they encounter Madam Yu's ghost and she scolds Wei Wuxian until she finds out he gave his core to Jiang Cheng and then gives Wei Wuxian a new core. Completed fic.

B. Post Sunshot Campaign Wei Wuxian is prisoned in Qinghe Nie and Nie Huisang is trying to bring Wei Wuxian back to his cheerful self by braiding his hair and bringing him books but he is being threatened by Jin Guangyao to not talk. Jin Guangyao is also intercepting all letters. Jiang Yanli is alive. Incomplete last I read it.

Thanks again!!

4B)

FOUND? Always walked a very thin line by tucuxi (T, 22k, NHS & WWX, JYL & WWX, WangXian, Depression, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives, except JZn and JGS, Self-Worth Issues, Slow Burn, Oblivious WWX, Golden Core Reveal, WWX Has No Golden Core, Chronic Pain, Chronic Illness, Yin Iron, Baxia Saber, baxia as mental health barometer yikes, Pining, everyone is morally grey, life is not fair and that's kind of the whole point of mxtx books)

~*~

5. hiii! help! wwx has ptsd and goes to adpot a rabbit. lwj works in the rabbit rescue and at first thinks wwx won't take care of the rabbits but changes his mind. i think he saw wwx in the cameras woth the rabbits

FOUND? 🔒 silk linked together by theLoyalRoyalGuard (G, 6k, LWJ & MXY, Wangxian, Modern, Autistic LWJ, Cellist LWJ, LWJ, Runs A Rabbit Rescue, MXY Deserves Happiness, Fluff)

FOUND? 🔒Recovery by Unforth (G, 27k, WangXian, Modern AU, Rabbit Breeder LWJ, Veteran LWJ, Veteran WWX, PTSD, therapy animals, Therapy Rabbits, LWJ is an Asshole Sometimes, Doctor WQ, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Former Prisoner of War WWX, LXC is a Good Brother, Gray Asexual LWJ, Anxiety Disorder)

~*~

6. I read a completed Jiang Cheng time travel fix it that I think was multiple chapters. I don't remember much except at the end him and Wen Qing end up together and have a kid.

FOUND? Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It)

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7. Hi, I'm trying to find a fic where WWX and LWJ were in a relationship but then WWX had to leave after someone threatened him and killed the Wens in a fire. And then years later LWJ is on a night hunt with the juniors and encounters Mo Xuanyu who is actually WWX in disguise. LWJ recognizes WWX because he is playing Wangxian and then after they all go back to their hotel that was selected by NHS. Back at the hotel WWX and LWJ talk and then bang it out. And the next day LWJ and the juniors and WWX in a new disguise go back to Cloud Recesses.

~*~

8. Hi! I’m trying to find a fic I *thought* I had bookmarked but can’t find.

It’s a modern au where American Lan Zhan takes a holiday to someplace in Canada and meets bartender Wei Ying. There’s some reason why WY can’t/won’t return to the US, he’s illegally living in Canada.

They have a little romance, LZ goes back to the US, and later WY agrees to join him I think.

That’s pretty much all I remember. Ring any bells?? TYSM!

FOUND?🔒Stay with Me (Go Places) by LizzyPanic (T, 22k, WangXian, meet ugly, Anxious LWJ, brief discussion of panic attacks, marriage kink, Making Out, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Snowballing, Anal Fingering, Rimming, Body Worship, Coming In Pants, Mild Angst, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Vacation, somehow also a coffee shop au, wangxian go hiking, Tattooed WWX, Outdoor Sex, Phone Sex, Sexual Tension, Whirlwind Romance)

FOUND? Many happy returns. by orange_crushed (E, 25k, WangXian, Modern AU, Mistaken Identity, Misunderstandings, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Suicide of a Parent, References to Depression, Anxiety, Therapy, References to Anti-Depressant Medications, Escort Service, Loneliness, Everybody’s Abandonment Issues, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Moving In Together, Oral Sex, Penetrative Sex, Hopeful Ending, Recovery, References to Escorting/Sex Work but No Actual Escorting/Sex Work)

~*~

9. There is a fic , post canon wwx is mad lwj let him go. It starts with him waking up with mianmian in an inn. Well that's about it . I was so much into wangxian pairing. I dint read that fic then. Can someone find it @poongulali

~*~

10. Hii, I was wondering if you could help me with finding an ao3 fic: I think it takes place during the siege of burial mounds and wangji takes a sword meant for wuxian and he screams and the battle stops and the ground shakes and we read everything happening from xichen’s point of view and wangxian teleport and wuxian gives wangji his heart and they get revenge on the sects during a discussion conference

~*~

11. Hello to fic finder

So I'm looking for a fic where the entirety of gusu lan sect got sent back in time and now it's really overprotective of WWX I remember a scene where wwx lwj nws nmg and lxc are at the rabbit patch and wwx is introducing every rabbit because the rabbits resemble someone they know and he's holding a giant rabbit that resembles nmg @constancebloodstone

FOUND? Cluster of Clouds by Nika_Raven_Celeste (T, 21k, WangXian, LWJ & WWX, LQR & WWX, JC & WWX, WIP, Time Travel, The Lans from Post Canon Time Traveled to Cloud Recesses Study Era, ALL The Lans from Post Canon, The Lans ADORES WWX, Confused WWX, Soft LQR, Soft LWJ , LWJ CAN communicate, Not JC Friendly , not YZY Friendly, Genius WWX, Horny LWJ, but he still has some restraints, Oblivious WWX)

~*~

12. There was this fic where wei ying and lan zhan got pulled into a statue to a cursed room where they were forced to have sex? I think it was a pregxian fic but I can't remember for sure

I do know it was bottom wei ying though and that it's set at a museum in modern cultivation au

FOUND!🔒End Racism on the OTW - The Jade Chamber by raitala (E, 18k, wangxian, modern w/ magic, case fic, pining, angst w/ happy ending, hurt/comfort, getting together, trapped together, there’s only one bed, light bondage, masturbation, oral sex, emotional baggage, ghosts)

~*~

13. Hello! Thank you for helping with our requests. I'm looking for an AU where the Wen Remnants survive. Lan Zhan finds a hidden village that turns out to be where his mother came from. He brings Wei Ying and the remaining Wen there to keep them safe. I think they use bracelets to get in and out. @saharrashadow

FOUND! Arbitrary by devinokaze (T, 137k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Ensemble as Family, but live somewhere else, hidden society, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, POV Multiple)

~*~

14. Hii this for a fic finder

There was a fic where wwx was imprisoned in the unclean realm, but he was isolated cause jgy threatened him so he didn't receive any letters/ information from the outside, i remember that huaisang kept visiting him tho.

FOUND? Always walked a very thin line by tucuxi (T, 22k, NHS & WWX, JYL & WWX, WangXian, Depression, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives, except JZn and JGS, Self-Worth Issues, Slow Burn, Oblivious WWX, Golden Core Reveal, WWX Has No Golden Core, Chronic Pain, Chronic Illness, Yin Iron, Baxia Saber, baxia as mental health barometer yikes, Pining, everyone is morally grey, life is not fair and that's kind of the whole point of mxtx books)

~*~

15. Hi! This is for fic finder. Its modern au where wwx and lxc is a writer and they fake dating because wwx fans is too wild (stalk him, broke to his apartement, etc) and his manager told him to do that. The endgame is wangxian. I think wwx write porn? Lwj and lxc life together and wwx move in because his fans knows where he lives. Wwx and lxc kissed but no more i think. I think nmj is their publisher? Thats all i can remember. Thanks! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

FOUND! Badreads by arabii (M, 37k, WangXian, 3Zun, Modern AU, Writing & Publishing, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Bullying as a Flirting Technique, WWX in WWX's Body)

does lan zhan write scathing reviews of Wei yings writing and they get better as the fic goes on?

~*~

16. Hi, please could you help me

I remember I read a wangxian fic where they have sex surrounded by dead bodies they just killed. But I don't have them anymore on my bookmark.

Please help me asap 😭🙇🏻‍♀️🙏🏼thank you

~*~

17. Yall hi I'm going insane. There's this ff where WWX attempts against his own life and JC is the one to find him locked in the bathroom. He calls 911 and tells them his brother needs help. They get him to the hospital and JYL gets there and LWJ too and they keep an eye on him after so he takes his meds and all. Please someone help!

FOUND? 总有一天; a place to hide (can’t find one near) by yiqie (E, 76k, WangXian, Modern AU, Pianist, Getting Together, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, Depression, Hospitals, Overdosing, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)

~*~

18. For the next FF, musical prodigy WWX! I remember a scene in particular where LWJ or LXC was playing something (clarity? Mending?) with LQR in the room who was surprised when WWX joined in halfway through. We find out that WWX has been playing by ear his whole life because YZY refused to let him learn. @mreisse

FOUND! Dispersing Clouds by dreamingofcake (E, 283k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Abusive YZY, Canonical Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (Background Character), Background Character Deaths, child deaths, Canon JC, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Cultivation Sect Politics, Homophobia, Heteronormativity, Feelings Realization, WWX is Not Oblivious) sounds like what happens near the end of chapter 7 / I think number 18 on September 10ths fic finders sounds like the very popular Dispersing Clouds. The Lans are like "Cool trick bro" don't share the music. Wei Wuxian is like "Chill my peeps. I got you"😀

~*~

19. Hi! I’m looking for a fic I read a while ago about jingyi and sizhui and the beginning of their friendship. It was in jingyi’s pov and he started out not liking sizhui, because jingyi struggles with following the rules and focusing and is jealous of how perfect sizhui is, before they go on a mission together and jingyi learns about sizhui’s complicated family history and the issues he has to deal with and they bond over it. I don’t remember if it was complete or not

FOUND? Why Not Me? by Eleanor_Fenyx (G, 26k, LJY & LQR, LQR & LWJ, LJY & LSZ, LJY & LWJ, good uncle LQR, LJY pov, war orphan LJY, character study, LJY has ADHD, found family, rejection sensitivity dysphoria)

~*~

20. Hii! This is for FicFinder, hope it finds you well.

I'm looking for a fic where wwx is some kind of special creature (kind of spirit, I think). I don't remember much, but I do recall lwj (I think😢) meeting a special fox spirit.

This is super unclear, but I really hope you can find something.

Anyway, if you have recommendations of fics where wwx is a creature of some kind, that'd be awesome 🤩🤩 @untamedlover

FOUND? cloudy autumn heaps the sky by anatheme (T, 23k, WangXian, Fantasy, Universe Alteration, Secret Identity, Dragon LWJ, Fox WWX, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Timeline What Timeline, wwx is a little older here, wwx piling gifts on lwj and encouraging hoarding tendencies, Sharing a Bed, Literal Sleeping Together, Arranged Marriage)

FOUND? A Baby Dragon’s Guide To Seducing Your Huli Jing by sweetlolixo (M, 102k, wangxian, Fantasy, But still in the Cultivation World, Dragon LWJ, Fox WWX, Younger LWJ, Older WWX, Fluff, Humor, Eventual mpreg, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Boy A-Yuan)

FOUND? 醉 | drunk; intoxication by sweetlolixo (E, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Mythical Creature WWX, everyone falls in love with weiying at first sight…, Besotted LWJ, Romance, Pregnant WWX, Fluff)

FOUND? 🔒💖 Hoards and treasures by apathyinreverie (T, 21k, WangXian, Siblings, Family, not particularly Jiang friendly, YZY Bashing, slightly darker Gusu Lans, LXC being the best brother, Some manipulation, But with the best of intentions, and not between wangxian, Dragon LWJ, Fox WWX, Smitten LWJ, Fluff, perfect happiness, adorable WWX, Romance, Some worldbuilding, courting)

FOUND? To lurk, to lie in wait by trippednfell (M, 124k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Huli Jing, strangers to co-parents to lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Dragons, Kid Fic, teenage juniors, background NieLan, Angst with a Happy Ending, Case Fic, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Not Really Character Death, Fox Spirit WWX, Dragon LWJ, Blood and Injury, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)

FOUND? 🔒 Turnabout by apathyinreverie (T, 7k, WangXian, LSZ & WWX; LSZ & LWJ, WIP, Dragon LWJ, Fox WWX, Tiger cub A-Yuan, Mischievous WWX, Smitten LWJ, Possessive LWJ, Oblivious WWX, Domestic WangXian, LXC does his best, LQR wishes his nephews had better taste in men, Fluff, Romance, Mpreg mentioned, courting, creature shifts)

FOUND? 🔒💖 Tricks and treats by apathyinreverie (M, 12k, wangxian, dragon LWJ, phoenix LSZ, fox WWX, family, injury, fluff, romance, possessive LWJ, WIP)

FOUND? So You Accidentally Kidnapped A Qilin by Mikkeneko (T, 83k, WangXian, Juuni Kokki | Twelve Kingdoms Fusion, mdm yu’s a+ parenting, Identity Issues, Cultivator Politics, Yin Iron Poisoning, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Feels, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, WWX Needs a Hug, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication, Getting Together, Temporary Character Death, Happy Ending, Pacifist WWX, MXTX Big Bang 2021)

~*~

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Fight Scene

How to Write a Convincing Fight Scene

In practice, writing a realistic fight scene for your novel is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do.

That’s because fight scenes can be boring to read.

A movie allows the audience to take a passive stance and have the action wash over them.

In contrast, reading a fight scene requires the audience to activate their imagination.

The audience must participate in constructing the fight scene from your clues and seeing it play out in their mind’s eye.

That’s a lot more difficult than getting it fed to you visually.

Below are strategies for writing fight scenes.

Fight Scenes Should Move the Story Forward

The very first rule for fight writing (and writing any scene in general) is to ensure that it moves the story forward.

Say “no” to gratuitous fight scenes that only show off fancy moves or writing skills.

Here’s the easiest way to find out if your fight scene moves the story:

Delete it.

Now, read the scene before and the scene after.

Can you still make sense of what happened?

If the fight caused some type of transition in your story, keep it in.

And remember: Not all transitions are physical. Some are mental.

You don’t always have to discuss the physical aftermath.

You can also explore the mental fallout after a fight.

This can be how the fight moves the story forward.

Fight Scenes Should Improve Characterization

Because reading a fight scene can get boring quickly, it’s important that you focus on more than the bare-knuckle action.

Use fights as a way to explore your character(s) and provide more insight on the following:

Why does the character make the choices that they make in the fight?

How does each choice reinforce their characterization?

How does each choice impact their internal and/ or external goals?

Is this conflict getting the character closer or further away from their goals? How?

What are the stakes for each character? What do they stand to win/lose?

What type of fighter is the character? What are their physical or mental abilities? (Remember that not every protagonist will be a trained assassin, so they’re prone to make sloppy mistakes during a fight.)

Use the fight scene to reveal necessary information about the characters.

Be sure to give the reader a glimpse into the character’s soul and not just into their fighting skills.

Fight Scenes Shouldn't Slow the Pace

In movies and especially in real life, fights go by quickly.

But in literature, fight scenes can slow the pace.

That’s because you have to write all of the details and the reader has to reconstruct the scene in their minds.

However, if you employ certain literary devices into your narrative, you can actually create a taut fight scene.

Here are some tips:

Write in shorter sentences. Shorter sentences are easier to digest. It also speeds up the pace of a story.

Mix action with dialogue. Don’t just write long descriptions of what’s happening. Also, share the verbal exchange between your characters.

Don’t focus too much on what’s going on inside the character’s mind. Introspection happens before and after a fight, not during.

Keep the fight short. Fights should never go on for pages (unless you’re discussing an epic battle between armies, and not individuals).

Hit ’Em With All the Senses

One of the best ways to get visceral when describing a fight is to activate every sense possible.

This includes sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell.

Think of how you can use these five descriptors in your writing to immediately transport the reader to the scene.

Sight 

Perhaps the most obvious.

You’ll describe exactly what the characters are seeing and what the reader should pay attention to in the scene.

Hearing 

Is a little more delicate.

A fight scene is a perfect time to introduce onomatopoeia into your narrative.

Onomatopoeia - a word that sounds like what it is describing.

Try using more subtle examples, such as:

Boom, Clang, Clap, Clatter, Click, Crack, Creak, Crunk, Fizzle, Gargle, Groan, Grunt, Gurgle, Hiss, Howl, Hum, Knock, Plod, Rattle, Roar, Rustle, Sizzle, Smack, Splash, Splatter, Squeal, Tap, Thud, Thumb, Whine, Whisper

Taste 

Be careful with going abstract here.

Instead of using phrases like, “he could taste fear in the air,”

go for something more concrete like, “blood mixed with strawberry lip gloss was a strange taste.”

Touch 

Perhaps one of the easiest senses to convey.

Describe how the characters feel and interact with each other physically.

Smell 

You often see or hear a fight, but can you smell it?

In person, what would the fight smell like? Probably sweat.

Consider other scents, such as the ambient aroma in the scene.

Example: If the fight takes place in a car garage, there may be the lingering scent of motor oil and tire rubber.

Don’t be afraid to add that into the scene to introduce a different dimension.

When Writing a Fight Scene, Edit, Edit, Edit

A good story is an edited one.

The same rule applies to fight scenes.

A sloppy fight scene can slow the pace of your story and/or confuse the reader.

When editing your fight scene, keep the following in mind:

Don’t include a blow by blow of what happens in the fight. After your initial draft, remove non-essential details that can slow down reading.

Delete flowery language. Extra words drag the pace. Remove every single word that you can.

Consolidate characters to reduce reader confusion and frustration.

Source

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC Phantom Punk: Rowdy 3

Back on my Punk Danny agenda

So, Danny is not like your typical ghost, and thus, Dan and Dani, aren't either. Most ghosts can coast by naturally and just exist outside the GZ despite the lack of ectoplasm, as long as they don't go overboard

The Phantoms?

They need more. It's not normal to need that much ectoplasm, but after a series of incidents where both the Fanton's and Vlad's portals no longer exist, they're a little screwed

So, what's a trio of Punk ghosts to do?

Luckly, there is a way to supplement their energy, and they learned it from a less than savory source... Spectra. Spectra feeds off of emotions, misery, anxiety and depression being her bread and butter. Now, technically any emotion will do, it just has to be heightened for them to get anything out of it. Joy and euphoria can work, but it's hard to consistently produce those emotions and feed. Things like fear and anger are easier to produce, but come with some... ethical issues

Their solution? Get it from people who deserve it

So, Dan, Danny, Dani, and [insert fourth character here, maybe Jazz? Sam would probably be down, remember to delete placeholder] hop into a heavily graffitied GAV and drive to Gotham. Living out of the GAV, Decked out in leather, spikes and denim, they roll into the most crime ridden city in the world and proceed to find random goons and criminals homes, bust the place up, make them nearly shit their pants and then feed off the fear and anger of these career criminals

Meanwhile, the Bats keep showing up at the scene just after they scram and keep having to deal with the aftermath

The inspiration is the rowdy 3 from Dirk Gently's Holistic Dectective Agency, if you are not familiar with my favorite punk energy vampires, allow me to educate you (only watch to the two minute mark if you want to avoid spoilers for the show)

[pianokantzart]

Some of the concept art and deleted scenes for the SMB 2023 movie has me wondering if Luigi was originally gonna be the more confident one. In the concept art, Mario looks tired/dejected a lot of the time, there was a pic of them in the van with a "Luigi Bros" logo while Luigi had his feet up on the dash all smiley, and then the deleted scene when the pipe breaks and Mario's sad and suggests that they give up and go home... it makes me wonder if Luigi was gonna be more optimistic while Mario was more prone to feeling discouraged. I wonder what the reason for this change would have been.

I think it was to keep the relationship between the bros simple while hammering home Mario's sense of responsibility for his brother.

If we started out with Luigi being the confident one who fronted the plumbing business, then the story would have to tackle why Luigi is able thrive in Brooklyn as opposed to his brother. Then there'd be the question of why Luigi would be so willing to move to The Mushroom Kingdom in the movie's aftermath if he was doing so well before. If Mario has a leadership role from the beginning there's less to untangle, but despite this change there's still a vague sense of Luigi being the upbeat one compared to his brother. Luigi was the most optimistic about their commercial, the most vocal in his excitement for their first client, and the one most able to ignore the critiques of their family.

Mario, in the meantime, has all the gumption and determination one would expect from a future hero, but at the same time he bears a greater sense of responsibility. This is best exemplified in the way he acts at the dinner table, where Mario is visibly exhausted while Luigi feels free to shut his brain off and just focus on the food.

So I'd say we didn't stray that far from the "Luigi is confident while Mario's dejected" theme present in the concept art, but the dynamic shift of them going from "The Luigi Bros." to "The Mario Bros." would've been a bit too much.

[bloominglegumes]

earthspark season 2 head in my hands,,,

maybe ill delete this later but i want to just get some thoughts out

spoilers below

ok i absolutely love what they set up in season one, every member of the malto family was used so well to compare and contrast with the experiences of the cybertronian characters familiar to us, these tired war veterans and resentful past allies ,,, like one of the big ones in my head right now being their choice to use bumblebee, The Kid Appeal Transformer, making him switch out of being a soldier and into a mentor (not sergeant, not commander, just unqualified older sibling-type position) for a herd of kids who have practically no concept of war and its implications was so so juicy. it's been repeated in practically every bit of transformers media ever that bumblebee is the designated little guy, the friendly one, the autobot who most easily makes friends with aliens, we've seen it in g1, in idw, in bayverse, tfa, tfp, cyberverse, i'm sure there are more versions that i can't think of at the moment

what they did to bumblebee in earthspark was essentially still put him in this best friend role, but the twist was how bumblebee did not even want to be there and didn't know a thing about kids and i loved it and i know many other people loved it as well.. even if the earthspark characters were roughly developed from their g1 base, this bumblebee was so clearly more used to being on a battlefield than just hanging out, he struggled with interactions that weren't like the 'ready to jump into a fight in an instant' dynamic that he was used to, though still having that sort of fuzzy playfulness that bumblebee is always written with ykyk

i think the writers made some really fascinating choices in taking some darker elements like in the idw comics and sort of filtering it for the audience through the malto family, but not baby-padding the real emotions behind the characters' experiences if that makes sense?? take megatrons grief and guilt for instance, the presence of the kids didn't diminish the reality of what he'd done or the consequences, but they sort of worked like a frame to have megatrons actions recounted in a particular direction. thrash's unwillingness to deal with the aftermath of a war the terrans had no part in was so.so real, ik i say it all the time but it was, the characters and the relationships between them were written with this real and intimate nuance that i really wouldn't normally expect from a show targeted for kids, not to mention the very clear and loving representation for poc, lgbtq+ identities, immigrant experiences, disabled ppl,,,

dont even get me started on the visuals, the sound design, the animation quality,,, i've only loosely been in animation college for a bit, i know there's still so much i don't know, but for sure i feel like earthsparks quality was pretty insane for regular series episodes

plus their character designers knew what they were doing + went so hard in the best way,,and the action scenes were beautifully choreographed, every character had their own unique movements and fighting style (think of the soundwave fight in decoy or megatron + optimus against skywarp + novastorm in age of evolution) in a way that i think definitely rivalled tfp in its intricacy and life-feeling. the camera work was stunning, the acting was on point and consistent for each character, the 2d effects were vibrant and gorgeous and so full of life, i'd say earthsparks effects are one of its most distinct stylistic choices and its so so excellent and i adore every smoke cloud and smear and electric zap and ghgruhgf

which is why it breaks my heart seeing season 2 open with such a noticeable decrease in quality,, breaks my heart that they didnt receive enough of a positive reception or whatever exactly it was that led to the earthspark team having to trim down and cushion their story

i still think earthspark is a really fun transformers show with a delightful cast, amazing voice actors, and i don't want to bash any particular member of the crew for things beyond their control. there's no doubt in my mind that the current team on earthspark is full of incredibly skilled artists, and i'm sure many people, including myself, will continue to enjoy the series going forward,, i'm just. disappointed that its not the best that it could have been.

a lot of season 2's writing just felt like.a regular kids show??? feels almost similar to cyberverse's fluctuation in tone throughout each of its seasons, s1 was full of generically-kid-friendly humour and gags, then sort of shockingly plummeted into that whole arc with starscream and the allspark monsters,, like, either direction would be fine and fun, but it's just the sudden change that makes it oofy for me ;-;

from just looking at the visuals, the character animation is less crafted and careful than it is in season 1,, i can really only describe it as it now being closer to what i'd think of as 'regular tv animation, made to be released on a schedule', rather than 'oh my god look at that secondary action replay replay now'. the characters movements are stiffer, less weighted, less natural-feeling, and if you're looking for it, it's clear where they loop animation or sort of sneak their camera shots to simplify actions, like a few fight scenes that had sections simplified into slowmo hit poses rather than being fully animated,, again its more or less fine for any other tv series, but it just feels off after being used to the look we had in s1

then the character animation goes hand in hand with the character writing + the dialogue, also just feeling like a lot of the original story they wanted to tell has been padded up and swaddled with more lighthearted, universally acceptable, safe plots. the goals and obstacles that came up in each episode didn't have the same emotional depth as in s1, where the main leads of each ep gained some sort of insight after their experiences + had some sort of vulnerability exposed, yknow yknow??

there are still traces of some juicier bits in there, like for instance i really like the section with the quintesson executioner causing mo to begin doubting quintus prime's intentions, then later the titan being all 'quintus is a prime and you should respect him' in a decently menacing way,, and i am glad that they had hashtag call out starscream and reminded him of their earlier conversation, i really hope they do something with those, but my point still stands that there were few parts of s2 i felt had some deeper meaning that can be built upon in the future.

i feel like the decision to make a timeskip was somewhat of a cop out as a means of explaining away how robby + mo have full control over these cybersuits now, how the maltos aren't shown having any more intra-family or identity-related conflict, how the decepticons all decided to follow starscream and go right back to fighting, etc etc, like 'oh well a year passed, things happened, this is just how things are now' like??? what happened to all that delicious heavy emphasis on growth and the choice to become better as a person and connecting to other people that was in s1,,

i know the decepticons wouldn't all have suddenly decided to buddy up with the autobots, but timeskipping a year and just reverting to the typical autobots vs decepticons dynamic we've had forever, without ever again really showing the thought processes of any of the characters in depth regarding the return to hostilities, when they just spent the whole previous season establishing how everyone is handling the aftermath of the war,,,, its like they've suddenly been turned back into generic cartoon villains instead of the unique individuals with their own thoughts and motives that they were introduced as,,

[diverting for a sec here im also just so sad that theres been nothing to fuel my enjoyment of megatron being very estranged from his high command,, barely anything to fuel the divorced-remarried 3p megoplita dynamic like,,,,, starscream praised soundwave and shockwave both individually, op and megatron had another one of those finishing-each-others-sentences moments, op called his and elitas relationship "complicated" and i love that, but please i'm begging here elaborate,,,give me more drama to work with,,]

even when there are like.objectively horrible scary things happening, like mo going 1v1 against the quintesson, cosmos being fully conscious trapped in alt mode for 15 years, jawbreaker essentially fusing with aftermath and getting betrayed and all their cavewater stolen (is that not an issue??) ,, i feel like the characters are remarkably.unreactive???? maybe its just another timeskip cop out, ~a year has passed so they've gotten used to it~, except they all still clearly behave like the children they are,.

and it seems to be turning earthspark from being, in my opinion, one of the most emotionally charged + mature transformers series out there rn into just. i'm going to say it again, it's just starting to feel like a generic kids show, unless whoever controls this show at hasbro can get it back to the high standard it started itself at.

i've read news of nightshade's pronouns being cause for negative reception, and some reviews of s1 say earthspark is too 'woke', that kids shouldn't be watching shows pushing that type of agenda. i'm not sure if that's the main reason for this big change in s2 for the much 'safer' writing, or if there's more that i'm just not aware of right now, but like. man. i hate.creativity trying to survive capitalism the show is about love and family and cool robots wtf is wrong with people who genuinely hate that

i know i won't make much of an impact with just this post, i doubt anyone is still reading this,, but seriously, earthspark is clearly a love letter made by tf fans for tf fans, in such a wonderful, gorgeous package, and it really breaks my heart so much to see all the great things established in season 1 practically go to waste. i haven't said this enough before, if you enjoy earthspark, please support it through official means however you can, leave good reviews or buy their stuff, just let the decision-makers know they can profit from making this show better,, i really hope it survives to complete the story they want to tell

[cheerleaderman]

Birthday aftermath

Making Tsum Yuya fight Tsum Jamil for the pfp spot

Deleted scene from book 4/j

[alias71]

Endeavour & Joan - Missing Scene

It all started with this print (© The Red Dress London on Etsy):

I noticed that the moment depicted between Endeavour and Joan was not included in Season 6, which this artwork was commissioned to advertise. I didn't think much about it until the wonderful @sircolinmorgan posted this image from shutterstock:

Finally! Evidence that the deleted scene existed! But where from? Some investigation was required...

Okay, so when lightened up a bit, what you can tell just from that pic alone is that there’s a blackboard in the background, someone sitting at a desk, and you can see the edge of a camp bed (you can also see that she’s holding his other hand!) All of that of course suggests ‘Deguello’ and the aftermath of the tower collapse in the gymnasium. As far as I can tell there’s only one scene in the episode at this location and it’s when Endeavour escorts a child to a waiting parent and then Strange and Thursday are there and reach for him (quite a lovely caring moment):

Compare the first of these three pics and you’ll see the blackboard, the person at the desk, and that the blue area in the shutterstock pic is the privacy screen next to the blackboard.

Endeavour is wearing his blue shirt that’s consistent with both images, but he never takes his jacket off in the actual scene and it’s very odd that Strange touches Endeavour’s shoulder and he turns around, only for the scene to immediately cut to the makeshift morgue scene with DeBryn. You never see another scene at that location as far as I can tell. Does that imply something was cut there? The shutterstock pic shows Joan at that location, but she was never there in the episode.

The next scene with Endeavour is when he visits the little girl in hospital and meets Joan there:

Their conversation is extremely brief with Joan telling Endeavour he should be at home:

Morse: I wanted to see if she was all right. How is she? How's her mum?

Joan: Hanging in there. You should be home.

Morse: Home. So should she. So should her mother. So should everyone.

Joan: Accidents happen.

Morse: Yeah, not like this. You know, somebody's got to be responsible. Is there anything I can do?

Joan: You've done your bit and more.

Morse: Good night.

Joan: Good night.

Joan is of course wearing the same as in the shutterstock pic. The next time we see Joan she runs into Endeavour when he’s investigating the surveyor and she’s changed clothes:

They talk about the survivors and then have this little exchange:

Joan: How are things with you?

Morse: Oh, one day's much the same as the next.

Joan: I didn't mean work, I meant you.

Morse: Oh, it's the same thing, isn't it? Have you seen your father lately?

Joan: Not much. Why?

Morse: Well, I just wondered if he was all right. He hasn't seemed himself lately.

Joan: Oh.

Morse: Anyway, there it is.

It’s extremely halting and Endeavour leaves looking all awkward and uncomfortable. Make of that what you will because neither of the filmed scenes between Endeavour and Joan play like they could have had such a close moment as in the shutterstock pic with Joan touching his face and holding his hand. Obviously one was switched out, but it seems to me the entire tenor of their interaction in 'Deguello' was changed. These are the only scenes they had together and Joan isn’t in the rest of the episode or the next season for that matter! I wonder if it played a part that Sara Vickers wasn’t available - I have no idea how far in advance they could have known. It's also possible they felt that a romantic moment would have been out of place in the midst of a tragedy, or perhaps they simply decided against allowing Endeavour and Joan to be close. No matter the reason, it's a real shame - it looked like a beautiful scene!

Anyway, that was my little Sherlockian endeavour (snort!) into the missing Endeavour/Joan moment everyone was robbed of. I think it’s probably much like the sigil scene in BBCs ‘Merlin’ where a totally different version was filmed with a very different feel, and we don’t know why that was swapped out either! Damn my favourite shows.

[meta-library-blog]

A master post of OG trilogy related metas/thoughts:

Just some metas/analyses and thoughts I'd like to put into a post. (Especially because I keep coming back to them but the Tumblr tagging system is seriously lacking.) If you have issues with seeing your post(s) here, let me know. (These are in no particular order.)

◆Why did Loki lie to Thor?

◆Loki's reaction to Thor's banishment / x / x

◆Thor and Odin's interaction in TDW

◆Loki's conversation with Laufey

◆Thor and his fear of failure

◆Thanos' influence on Loki

◆Loki having been tortured / x / x

◆Loki's heat signature / x

◆Loki's/the W3/SIf's reaction to Thor's actions / and his banishment

◆“I’m not your brother”

◆"Il'l hunt the monsters down and slay them all"

◆"break their spirts"

◆"the Jotuns must learn to fear me"

◆"I don't have it." / x

◆"Are you ever not going to fall for that?"

◆"always so perceptive about everyone but yourself"

◆“You and your father cast large shadows”

◆"No more illusions."

◆the Dark Elves

◆Malekith

◆Loki's "trial" / x / x / x / x / Thor's banishment & Loki's "trial"

◆Thor's apology

◆Thor and Loki's conversation before Thor's coronation

◆the glorious purpose

◆the trip to Jotunheim & Loki keeping an eye on everyone / x

◆Loki always being shushed

◆Loki's reaction after Odin falls into the Odinsleep

◆Lady Sif and Thor

◆Loki / The Other interaction

◆just some thought about Thor

◆just some thought about Loki

◆the sceptre's influence

◆Odin and the Casket

◆Deleted Jotunheim scenes at the beginning of Thor 1

◆the group's tactical formation demonstrating their dynamics and strategy

◆Loki realising in Jotunheim / x

◆Loki's sleeve

◆TDW ending scene

◆Thor's lowest point

◆Asgard's population

◆Asgard's atmosphere

◆The Rainbow Bridge's lenght

◆The palace

◆Loki and Frigga's conversation before his coronation

◆Loki having had power over the people working for him in NY

◆Loki's costume

◆the servant laughing at Loki / x

◆TDW Prelude Issue #2

◆Why Didn’t Loki Tell?

◆the broken bridge scene

◆Loki and the Casket

◆Loki's combat style

◆the vault scenes symbolism

◆Thor seeing Loki after his banishment

◆The scene in the tavern in TDW

◆Heimdall's attack on Loki

◆Odin and Loki talking about Jane

◆Loki being the second best

◆Loki stabbing Thor

◆The Hulk cell scene

◆Loki / Sif interaction in TDW

◆Asgard / Jotunheim

◆Loki's perspective (Thor 1 master post)

-Part 1: Childhood  -Part 2: Before Coronation -Part 3: Coronation and In The Vault -Part 4: We’re Going To Jotunheim -Part 5: The Bifrost -Part 6: Jotunheim Negotiations -Part 7: Jotunheim Fight -Part 8: Thor’s Banishment -Part 9: The Aftermath -Part 10: Am I Cursed? -Part 11: The Odinsleep and Loki’s Ascension -Part 12: On the Throne -Part 13: Visiting Midgard -Part 14: Back to Jotunheim -Part 15: Heimdall Confrontation -Part 16: Buying Time -Part 17: The Destroyer -Part 18: The Master Plan -Part 19: The Final Battle -Part 20: After the End