#disability awareness games for adults | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thelikesoffinn · 1 year

Text

„Astarion ending as the Vampire Ascendant is the correct ending for him, because it is what he wants.”

That is a claim I’ve been seeing pop up more and more often these days. And I think it’s both a very bold and a very odd claim to make.

But first things first: Hello, I’m a licensed social worker! So far, I’ve worked with children, refugees and youths with behavioural issues stemming from bullying and or abuse.

Please be aware that I will be mentioning different kinds of abuse, coping mechanisms, and victim/abuser relationships. If any of this is difficult for you, don’t force yourself through it. My jabbering about a traumatised vampire is not worth your wellbeing, not ever.

I will, however try to stick to Astarion and not use other examples. If, in any case, I do use a non-Astarion example, I’ll add a warning beforehand so that you can skip the part. And I’ll make it clear what will be discussed in the next bit, so that you have a chance to skip it entirely.

This is an effort to make this as accessible as possible for everyone that wants to indulge on a mad woman’s rambling – and I know there’s a few people that like this sort of stuff!

And, uh, there's obviously spoilers for all three acts. Serious spoilers, even.

Before I can get into the whole ‘why Astarion didn’t really want to ascend,’ we need to understand him a little more. And to understand this pretty boy’s brain, we first need to understand the gist of what we’re talking about when we throw around the word ‘abuse.’

“Abuse” is when someone is treated with cruelty, violence, or neglect – often to bad effect – on a regular basis. Repetitively. Check’s out for Astarion, I’d say, but we all knew that already. I mean, if one thing was obvious, it was this.

1. Astarions Abuse

Next we need to look at what kind of abuse Astarion faced over his long years of torment, seeing as different types of abuse will have different effects on the victim.

Not that that is anything we have to worry about with him – Astarion won the abuse lottery, to put it bluntly. In a horrible game of fate, he got everything. He himself indirectly mentions all the types of abuse he faced, albeit never using the correct terms.

The first we properly notice – fitting, seeing as it is often the most obvious form of abuse – is the physical abuse. Astarions scars are probably the biggest tell Larian could shove down our throats, only underlined by Astarion’s tale about the night itself. About how Cazador ‘misspelled something’ every time he flinched or screamed and had to do ‘many corrections. On top of this, Cazador locked Astarion up for months on end and tortured him – or had him tortured – on a regular basis both as a rite and as a punishment.

Next up, we have the fact that Astarion was forced to basically prostitute himself repeatedly. This is what we call sexual exploitation.

“I spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my Master.” – Act 2

Two hundred years is a long time, filled with great many people. Now, we don’t know how many of those people actually tapped into the sexual exploitation and how many he could just lure back with other means, but the fact that it happened a lot is undeniable.

Next we have a form of abuse that we often disregard in adults: Neglect. It sounds odd, I know, saying that a fully grown adult was neglected. They can care for themselves, can they not?

Well. Yes and no.

Adult neglect is proceeded by the condition that one adult has to lean on another adult to fulfil their needs for whatever reason. This could be anything, from disability to income-based issues.

Seeing as Astarion had absolutely nothing, while Cazador had everything, we can assume this was the case. Cazador had the house, the money, the power. Astarion owns but one pair of clothes, assumedly, that he has fixes over and over again. Fair to say, that’s pretty neglectful. (And it’s one more reason to shower the guy in pretty armour and camp clothes. Go ham, people.)

Last we have the form of abuse we actually get to witness later in the game – emotional abuse.

Once again, it’s undeniable that this happened. Especially since we’re all seeing it in the flesh upon meeting Cazador in his crypt.

“Have you no respect for yourself?”

“I strove for perfection in all things. Even those as imperfect as you.”

“A pity you amounted to so little, despite my efforts.”

“A pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything.”

All Act 3, Crypt

Here we have just a few examples of things Cazador throws in his face. It’s like reading a textbook on emotional abuse, this one (and it’s definitely a reason to throw hands).

Blaming the victim, keeping their sense of self and their self-worth as tiny as possible to make them cower and flee. A true classic.

This pretty much shows that Astarion suffered all forms of abuse we commonly see and it is implied – once again by Astarion himself – that at least a few of those instances were ritualistic.

Now, what does that mean exactly? Well, I fear I need to use a real example here, so please skip the next paragraph.

Ritualistic doesn’t refer to a proper ritual – it can, but that’s mostly a thing for those in a cult. So, we’re not necessarily talking about a ‘Vampire Ascendent Ritual’. A husband, beating his wife every evening after his third bottle of beer is also called ritual abuse. It happens regularly. It is part of a routine. Both parties know what will happen.

I can’t find the exact quote, so I’m working of my memory here, but at one point he said that when Cazador invited him to eat and he said yes, he would be served a putrid rat. If he said no, he’d be beaten.

The way it was phrased made it clear that it happened more than once and that Astarion clearly knew what would happen. So, this can be classified as ritualistic abuse.

2. A Note on Conditioning and Compliance

By default, abuse victims are conditioned to behave a certain way or in a certain fashion. This is a natural response to avoid further abuse.

In Astarion, the thing we see most often is his inherent need to please. Not literally, he doesn’t mind being an arsehole. But he initially feels the need to follow Tav’s orders, even if they go against his own wishes.

This can be clearly seen in the conversation with Araj Oblodra. Astarion very clearly doesn’t want to bite her. He doesn’t. But he will do so, if Tav tells him to. This behaviour is not conscious – he doesn’t know why he does it, he just does – and it is to be expected. This is how he kept himself save for two centuries, so of course he will fall back into his usual pattern when the pressure is high.

This goes hand in hand with the fact that most abuse victims don’t fight. Maybe initially, but not after long term abuse. Especially not after two fucking centuries.

This is true in Astarion – offered by his ‘siblings’ during act 3 and unhappily acquiesced by the man himself. Astarion stopped fighting and, once again implied, cowered, and did as he was told in order to survive.

3. The Astarion we know and love

Obviously, all that abuse does have an impact on our vampire boyfriend. He shows various common signs of abuse and just like with the forms of abuse, Astarion raked every coping mechanism he could find. (Not really, but it feels like it.) It’s also important to note that nearly all of the following things happen inwardly. Astarion is not one of the victims, that tries to rationalise and minimise the actions of his abuser. Quite the opposite, actually.

I’ll note from the beginning, that rationalisation will not be covered in this bit, as most examples will be important later on. But he definitely does it.

One of his biggest skills is to hide every ounce of fear or hurt behind sarcasm and snarky theatrics. He doesn’t seem to hide his anger much, though, so that’s something! Our boy is cool with anger, not so much with being afraid.

“Ahahaha, now that you mention it….I might have done…that.” – Act 3, regarding the Gur children

“The thing that will decide my fate forever more? Yeees, it’s been on my miiiind. Why?” – Act 2, regarding the Ritual

And there’s many more instances that prove this. Honestly, half his dialogue is sarcasm, so it would really be too long to get into and we all know what I mean, right? We have alltalked to the guy before. It’s obvious that he’s sarcastic to a fault.

This goes hand in hand with his penchant for defensiveness. I would personally state that he’s simply not really good with guilt. When talking about fear, he usually just opts for sarcasm or avoids the topic completely, but guilt especially has his defences going up. This is also when he’s most likely to shove all the blame off to Cazador.

“Don’t look at me like that. Cazadors orders.” – Act 3, Crypt

“I just did what I had to!” – Act 3, Crypt

And don’t get me wrong, he does that anyway. And with good reason. Astarion didn’t have a choice for the most part, but he’s still easy to shove things off.

This kind of connects to his penchant for denial.

Astarion doesn’t really like to talk about most things. He firmly believes he is an ‘action’ sort of person that just does instead of plans, which invertedly just means he’s great at pushing the thinking stuff away. He also likes to get rid of stuff, so that he doesn’t need to face it ever again.

“I never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesn’t need to know my shame.” – Act 3, about the children

And yes, this partly rings true. He’s probably ashamed and doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s done. But it’s also very clear that he himself simply doesn’t want to face his own actions, something that is just underlined by his extreme willingness to red rid of the other spawn.

As mentioned by Astarion himself, he’s big on manipulation. I mean, I don’t think there is much explaining necessary. The guy is willing to do a whole lot in order to get what he desires – which mostly revolves around safety and survival, to be honest – and he’s not really shy about it either. And that’s despite the fact that he doesn’t really like intimacy – especially in form of sex.

It’s not a secret that Astarion is not big on sex and anything surrounding it. This goes far enough for people to consider him either ace or ace coded.

A claim that, personally, I’m not super in line with.

Now, it’s not entirely wrong and if this is your head cannon I’m surely not going to stand in your way – but on a larger spectrum, I think he’s more traumatised than ace. And while those go hand in hand sometimes, it’s a bit difficult for the ace community if you attach traumatised characters to them because it can fuel a whole lot of stigma that is honestly neither needed nor wanted. But I digress!

If it comes to his own behaviour, he’s great at minimising his mistakes. Honestly, he’s a master of minimisation. A very obvious and famous example would be:

“’Killed’ feels like a…strong word. Not many corpses have your vigour.” – Act 1, after killing Tav

Astarion. You literally sucked poor Tav dry and left them flopping around, cold, and dead. Killed is exactly the right word and we all know it.

“Quite the deviation from my usual routine. Capture, not lure. I didn’t bring them in with sweet rolls or anything.” – Act 3, Gur Children

This is another attempt at minimising what he did, if a bit less obvious because at this point there isn’t much he can say. But at least he didn’t sexualise the gur children, right? They’re still spawn but whoo, at least that didn’t happen.

The next point would be dissociation, which is extremely common in abuse victims – of all forms of abuse.

Astarion himself mentioned certain moments that could be classified as dissociation over course of the story, which is probably the coping mechanism I personally expected the most.

The pale elf has a penchant for violence, but he’s not entirely shameless or abhorrently vile, which gets clearer the more the story progresses. So, two hundred years of forced prostitution, torture and doing whatever other horrible things? Yeah, I’d be more surprised if he didn’t dissociate.

Examples of that would be:

“A moment of disgust to push myself through and then I could’ve carried on, just like before.” – Act 2, after Araj

“I felt nothing the moment I handed them over.” – Act 3, Gur Children

“Did you enjoy it? It felt like you weren’t fully there.” – Act 1, Tav after Sex

The latter is generally more of an assumption than actual prove, but with context it does make sense.

The last common sign of abuse we find in our boyfriend would be his low self-worth. It’s a consistent trait that stays over the course of all three acts, noticeable in many different conversations.

We can see it in his reaction to wanting to break up before finishing his story. We can see it in his genuine surprise when Tav picks him over any of the other characters. We see it in his insecurity whenever Tav asks to sleep with another character. He’s fine with it, but he still worries their decision to sleep with someone else is based on something he did.

It eases up ever so slightly after Cazador is dead, but even then he’s still struggling which is once again perfectly illustrated if you try to break up with him.

“Oh shit. I- Did I do something wrong?”

That is the first thing he asks and I think it speaks for itself. He genuinely doesn’t believe he has much to offer and for Astarion, it’s likely that Astarion will always be the problem.

4. "Oh, I tried them all none of them answered.”

Another big thing that’s important to note, is that Astarion was never saved. No one came to save him from Cazador. There was no darling boy on a white steed riding into that castle to rescue him and princess carry him away. Not even the gods answered his desperate calls.

So, he never received any kindness or luck. To him, the world seems as cruel and horrid as before because he didn’t have the chance to experience goodness in two centuries.

But worse than that, he didn’t even get to save himself. Astarion didn’t stand up to Cazador, he didn’t run out of his own might.

He was beaten to near death and ‘saved’ by Cazador, who would become his abuser.

He tried to save someone and, in turn, was locked up and starved for an entire year.

He was abducted by mind flayers, i.e., saved from Cazador, only to end up tadpoled and on the cusp of getting a fancy, squiddy beard.

Anything that’s good, any kindness, any selfless action…it all came with a ginormous price tag.

5. Over the Course of the Story

Astarions behaviour changes a whole lot over the course of three acts – which is important once we talk about his quests climax – so let’s review what we’re working with!

Act 1 Astarion is guarded as fuck. The man has walls around him that are so high, even the gods can touch them.

A lot of his behaviour in act 1 revolves around staying save and staying liked. He lies, manipulates, and flutters his lashes in order to get what he wants and needs. Instead of asking, like Wyll, Karlach and Gale do, Astarion uses all he has to offer to get by. He is still very much in survival mode and tries to weasel his way through an unfamiliar situation with familiar methods.

On top of that, and most notably, he’s absolutely not fond of kindness or selflessness.

#I saved a child and now my boyfriend is mad

Here, we are most likely to gain disapproval for doing the decent thing – unless you sent him outside for a minute whenever you’re being a good person.

And I’d assume that this is because of two things.

First: The very traditional ‘Why not me?’

As I mentioned before, Astarion wasn’t saved. He hasn’t experienced kindness in a very long time so seeing that the world is literally filled with kind people is hurtful. Why didn’t anyone save him? Why was he left to his own devices for so long? Why should he care about others when it’s so clear that no one ever cared about him? No, dead to all of them. If he didn’t get it, neither will they.

“And what am I owed? What about the injustices I suffered? Am I not entitled to anything?” – Act 3, Crypt

“I was in the prime of my life when I was turned. Everything was taken from me too.” – Act 3, Crypt

And secondly is the fact that, as I mentioned, goodness always has a price. And it’s one most people won’t be willing to pay. That’s how his life has been, so why would theirs be different?

This is precisely why Astarion may disapprove of kind actions, but he mostly neither approves nor disapproves if Tav asks for payment. That’s just how the world works.

Once you venture out into act 2, after getting to know him a whole lot more, he starts to mellow a bit – if only towards Tav.

“He’s afraid, so afraid, of everyone but you, who she should fear the most.” – Sceleritas about Astarion

His approval is a lot easier to gain – or at least keep! – and he tends to approve of some more proper actions. He doesn’t throw a fit if you promise to find Mol, he approves of Tav being kind to His Majesty, of saving Aylin and he even approves of Durge apologising to Isobel after threatening to rip her to pieces.

He's slowly starting to open up, allowing Tav to see some parts of him he previously kept hidden. He accepts their offer to help, if hesitantly and, by god, the man starts experimenting with boundaries.

The social worker in me is shedding tears at this. It’s my favourite thing to see in my clients and it’s no different here. Yay to saying no!

Of course, it’s still a bit hit or miss. If Tav urges him to bite Araj, for example, he will only to later notice that he didn’t fucking have to. He recognises this on his own and he calls Tav out on it. Just like he calls them out on not helping him with his Orthon quest.

Good job, chap. Good fucking job.

And the growth-train won’t stop going even as we reach act 3.

In act 3, there’s not many things he disapproves as of right now – those he does, mostly have to do with how Tav treats him and not with anyone else. In fact, he’s more likely to approve good behaviour now, like giving Yenna food or money.

And yes, we need to consider that this could simply be because he gets used to Tav’s behaviour and just learns to roll with it. But it’s also highly likely that he notices that there’s truly good people around. At least one person. And that person is not only good, no, they’re in the process of helping him break free once and for all.

They’re helping him save himself.

By act 3, he has learned that he can absolutely say his piece where Tav is concerned and he’s more likely to disagree with them on certain things. It’s seen during a lot of small dialogue that he’s no longer terribly afraid to be honest with them, willing to listen and talk and he’ll ask for help if he needs it.

“I can do this. But I need your help.” – Act 3, Crypt

Something that can be viewed both positively and negatively is that he’s definitely loyal to a fault. He will stick by Tav’s side, no matter what.

“I really hoped we could avoid being pawns for a dark god, but here we are, I suppose. I’m with you, my dear, wherever this might lead.” – Act 3, After Jaheira confronts durge

As I said, this can be both positive and negative. On one count, it’s a recipe for disaster, seeing as he could be waltzing into a really bad situation for Tav alone.

But on the other side…this is a man who only cared about himself because that is the only person he could afford to care about. He needed to survive. He now has enough room to breathe and the capacity to care for someone else and I’d be inclined to count that as a good thing.

6. The Crypt

All the progress he made in act 2 and 3 is nearly tossed into the wind as soon as the crew enters Cazadors castle.

It’s not an immediate thing, of course.

At first, Astarion tries to stay light and simple and he hides behind flippant tones and relaxed faces. The way he recounts this is almost comically disinterested and the façade is actually quite good.

It’s start’s cracking after we meet Godie, one of the people who tortured him on more than one account, but he mostly manages to remain as upbeat as one can honestly expect for the first half of the journey.

All that, however, is done for the very moment we meet Sebastian. His mask not only slips, no, it full on shatters and there’s none of his apparent lightness left.

Which, of course it does.

The man is suddenly faced with years and years and years of victims. Innocent, unlucky people he lured back to his master over two centuries. People he liked, people he pitied.

“It’s sickening, seeing them again.”

It’s basically a room filled with guilt, exclusively for Astarion. And, as we mentioned before…Astarion is not great with guilt.

The guilt, however, is not where it ends.

No, he’s also faced with reflections of his own past. The spawn pose as reminders of what he did, sure, but also as reminders of what he was.

Weak, desperate, hungry.

There’s an abundance of images of his worst moments, reflected back at him in the thousands. It’s probably like staring into a funhouse mirror, but instead of seeing yourself in a funky way he just sees everything he so desperately doesn’t want to be.

“It should be [who I am]! I don’t want to be like them. They’re pathetic, horrible…”

He’s forcefully made aware of how darn weak he can be, which claws at all the wounds he’s barely had time to close. Something, he of course won’t admit if asked.

“THEY DO NOT [remind me of myself]. That weakness in me is dead, IT’S DEAD. I have a higher purpose.”

The high pressure of the moment brings out all of his act 1 traits in but a few moments. You can pretty much watch how he starts to shut down mid conversation, one of his old walls snapping back into place to remove himself from the situation.

Thing is though, walls usually become a bit brittle after disuse. Especially when talking to a person you don’t usually want to wall out.

Or, in his case, when talking to Tav.

After meeting Sebastian, Astarion shows extreme reactions to Tav nudging any of his weak spots. His reaction varies on whatever choice you make, but it ranges from aggression to defensiveness, to denial and even to downright begging Tav.

“Don’t hate me. I just did what I had to. I swear I did what I had to.”

This probably the most shocking out of all of them, since that is not something we got to witness before. The begging is likely a mixture of intense fear of losing Tav, his low self-esteem and pre-Tav behaviour, since we can assume that Cazador made him beg more than once.

Another old coat he puts back on would also be the least surprising of them all.

Manipulation.

He falls right back into it, using Tav’s affection to get what he want if we trigger the right action.

“If they die and I ascend, I won't have to rely on the parasite to walk in the sun. I'll be free. Truly completely free. Isn't that what you want?”

This, to me, was probably the biggest tell that Astarion was back in survival mode. He’s panicking, for fucks sake, and who can blame the guy? He’s back. He’s about to face down his abuser.

Of course he’s fucking panicking.

Panic leads to an increased craving for safety and, in his case, power. This is why he clings to Tav, why he begs them to love him still. And this is why he jumps head first into the rationalisation pool.

“I will need to sacrifice them all if I want to perform the ritual. - [You can save them.] – What’s the point? They're as good as dead! I thought they were dead. If they are unleashed, they will cause incredible carnage. […] They must die. Better they serve a purpose.”

Another textbook example.

They must die anyway. They’re basically dead. No need to save them now. They’re dangerous, I’m doing the right thing by sacrificing them. I already thought they were dead, so it’s not changing anything for me. They’re a lost cause and I deserve all this power. I deserve it, because I suffered and nothing will change if they die.

So, seeing as we already spoke about his usual behaviour in act 3 – behaviour he showed after we allowed him to breathe and be himself for a while – I think we can fairly easily conclude he’s not thinking straight.

Astarion is right back in survival mode, where all that matters is he himself. If it weren’t for the seven thousand spawns, he might have moved through this more gracefully, but seeing those tipped the scales and Astarion is absolutely losing it.

Remember that for the last section, per favore.

7. The Ascension

“Astarion wants to ascend and Tav manipulates him into doing what they want.”

That is basically the essence of what people often claim and I can’t help but shake my head at such a blatant disregard of everything he has become. This is completely ignoring the change and growth he has gone through over the course of their journey.

Astarion wants to be free. He wants to be safe. That does not mean he wants to ascend.

And the claim that Tav manipulates him into doing anything is even more baffling. We are all aware that Tav is not manipulative by nature, yes? That is entirely on you. You decide who your Tav is.

And then let’s remember: Astarion is panicked. He’s afraid and he’s not thinking straight. His abuser is on his knees before him and he still feels so weak. And there’s seven thousand spawns that need handling.

Astarion is very much not okay right now.

In fact, reading his thoughts just proves this theory.

“You can see the fear in his eyes but also the hunger. The thick smell of blood in the air and the promise of power being so close is intoxicating to him. All he can see is the power of the ritual and the freedom that power brings. The freedom to do anything. To be anything.”

Tav, however, has none of those problems. They can actually see beyond the current situation and they are fully aware what the consequences are. Astarion is not. As we previously established, Astarion is a doer. Not a thinker. He didn’t think this through, not at all.

The only thing Tav is doing – the persuasion roll – is reminding him of the very real consequences he is facing. The consequences he hasn’t thought about before.

"I know you think this will set you free, but it won't. This power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador."

And that is the kindest thing Tav could do in this situation. They’re not bodily dragging him away from Cazador. They’re not even telling him to not do it. They’re just offering him the truth. He can do with that information whatever he desires.

“Astarion cries when he doesn’t ascend, that just shows that it was the wrong choice.”

A hare-brained point that I thankfully have only seen once so far.

That crying? That is healthy crying.

That is him, crumbling under the stress that suddenly dissipates. That is him mourning two hundred years of torment. That’s him letting out feelings he hasn’t been able to for centuries.

And, for the love of god, try to put yourself in his shoes.

Two hundred years of torment, ended in but a moment.

Astarion was abused and tortured for so long, afraid for so long only to see his tormentor die just like that.

Cazador died within a moment and all Astarion needed was a darn blade. Of course he fucking cries.

Seeing how pathetic a being the very core of your life’s misery actually is hurts. It hurts like hell because not only are you finally free – free! – no, you’re faced with the fact that this pile of nothing, the thing that’s bleeding out right in front of you…this was what tortured for so long.

This thing hurt you so much. That guy took everything from you, everything you once were, and broke it again and again and again over years.

You were so scared of this thing.

And yet he has the gall and the gumption to die just like that.

It was so easy.

And yet you suffered for so long.

8. Evil Playthrough?

An evil playthrough is really a different setting altogether.

All of this, as you can probably tell, is really only applicable on a good playthrough. Realistically speaking. I’m not sure how the game mechanics handle it.

On an evil path, Astarion never really gets to experience kindness and goodness. Evil Tav will just prove him right in his believe that the world is a vile and cold place, meaning that he realistically would be more inclined to actually want to ascend.

9. Final Conclusion

I think all of this should be enough to make it clear that no, ascended Astarion is not the best ending for the guy. In fact, it is probably the worst. Because it’s just him, running away. He’s running into a lonely and cold state of being, where cruelty and power lord over everything else and he’s running because he’s terrified of being hurt again. He’s running despite desperately wanting to stop running.

“I'll spend the rest of my life running watching the shadows, never feeling safe…no, this has to happen. Here and now.”

And, the worst part is: Nothing about Astarion is left after he ascends. Even his tone of speaking gradually changes, his theatrics fading. He’s slowly losing himself, until there’s nothing but an evil caricature left.

So, in the end, ascension will have proven him right.

That version of him is dead.

#baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate #baldurs gate #bg3 #astarion #the dark urge #tav #astarion romance #astarion ancunin #astarion and tav #bg3 act 1 #bg3 act 2 #bg3 act 3 #act 3 #act 2 #act 1 #araj oblodra

3K notes · View notes

genericpuff · 3 months

Note

i find it funny that one of rachel’s drawings of herself in the afterword that just went up is just fully persephone. is that something she does a lot?

Alright so I've been making it a general rule for myself to like, not harp on Rachel in any way outside of LO as much because frankly the horse is dead now and there's not much left to say outside of what can be analyzed in hindsight. I think despite everything I have to say about her and her work, she still deserves to get away from this nonsense and I don't wanna spend eternity hovering over her shoulder.

But the afterword was posted within the LO series and is clearly meant for readers of LO in the functioning of being an afterword so let's just call it fair game LOL

I will say, on the whole, it does feel very honest and sentimental and I can respect Rachel for taking the time to write out and illustrate her afterword in a way that was personal to both her and her fans. I can understand why she went at it from the angle that she did and I'm not gonna fault her for that.

But there's also something that feels deeply... disingenuous about her approach right from the starting gun. I will say, before I continue, that I'm well aware I am biased towards Rachel as a creator, and I fully acknowledge that I could very well be reading too much into things. This is just my opinion, take it with mountains of salt.

I can get looking back on your own childhood, your past self, whatever, and going "see! it all got better!" because sure! For a lot of creators like Rachel, it must be wild to look back on where they came from and there's a lot of sentimentality on expressing that through an afterword like this where she reflects on where she came from. Though she STILL didn't acknowledge her other comics outside of LO, I can understand if she wants to leave those skeletons in the closet.

But I feel like her drawing herself as a child who's being given an Eisner by her adult self and all that just feels like some gross attempt to disarm any criticism of her because "don't make fun of me, I'm just a sad lonely baby girl!"

She's not a child. Child Rachel didn't grossly misappropriate Greek myth into their own self-indulged vanity project. Child Rachel didn't claim herself a folklorist of a culture's works only to bastardize them completely. Child Rachel didn't create a hostile environment within her fanbase by bullying anyone who she perceived as a threat, sneaking into critical spaces to try and cause trouble, and writing her own clapbacks into her comic. Child Rachel didn't claim to be challenging misogyny and purity culture only to reinforce misogyny and purity culture through her own self-insert baby-virgin-gets-rescued-by-rich-tycoon power fantasy that regularly glorified abuse towards women and the lower class.

30-almost-40-year-old Rachel did though.

At best it comes across as really cringe sentimentality from a Greek-weeb (heh, greeboo) and goes to show how much Rachel inserted herself into Greek myth without ever absorbing its messages or cultural contexts, it was all about her and her feelings as a sad New Zealand girl with dyslexia who thought Persephone's story was about another sad girl being rescued from her "horrible childhood".

At worst it's an active attempt to play on people's heartstrings by drawing herself as a child who people will naturally not want to criticize. I don't want to assume she's doing it intentionally, I really don't want to leave her afterword on a bad foot, as I can definitely understand as both a creator and a person who struggled with learning disabilities in their own childhood how and why she wants to pay homage to her past and where she came from... but let's just say, as someone who's also gotten way too "lost in the sauce" concerning personal self-reflective projects, I think there's a lot to say about how this confirms that Rachel made LO entirely for herself, about herself, without any actual intention to respect the original myths, because she never truly separated them from herself when she was a child. And, in my humble opinion as someone who has Been There with the self-insert OC's and self-reflective angsty plotlines, I can fully attest to the fact that that's not fucking healthy. Even with personal projects, you NEED to learn to get your head out of the sauce, you NEED to learn to objectively separate yourself from the narrative so the story doesn't fall apart under your own hubris and ego, you NEED to learn to draw a line if you want to have any sort of identity as a human being outside of what you make for people. And that's with just normal original stories, this was a story based on Greek myth which doesn't belong to her.

And this goes for a lot of the things she's said and done in the past, so much of her own "sources" even are tethered to things that she read / watched in her childhood and only vaguely remembers, as if she never mentally left her childhood at all, which just... if the point was to highlight her past and the traumas she went through and how they contributed to her present, an Eisner isn't going to validate those experiences. And drawing attention to her past through the lens of her childhood self absolutely 100% does not absolve her of the negative effect her work has had on the modern Greek myth zeitgeist nor the things she's said and done as a 38 year old woman who should absolutely know better.

The community she entered and took from will forever remain changed by her influence and taking, in many ways not for the better. She has the privilege of walking away and never having to think about it again, with all the awards and accolades that were bought for her, the bravado that she built around being a "folklorist" with zero credentials, and the platform she was given over many other creators struggling to even be heard.

That "place" she claims to have now was built entirely on inserting herself into another culture's works and doing nothing but taking, taking, taking, while offering nothing in return but vanity and lip service. That "place" was paid for and brought to you by Webtoons.

#sorry this got a lot more spiteful than i intended #i'm as ready as she is to move on tbh LOL #like god i hope she walks away from all this #she deserves it and so do we LOL #i know she'll never leave behind greek myth entirely because she obviously has internalized it so hard that she's persephone #but christ just. just take your awards and go lol #lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical #ask me anything #anon ama #ama #anon ask me anything

370 notes · View notes

do-you-know-this-adhd-character · 6 months

Text

SUBMIT THROUGH THE FORM IN THIS POST, NOT MY ASKBOX, FOR YOUR BLORBO'S SAKE. I WILL LOSE SUBMISSIONS IF THEY AREN'T ALL IN ONE PLACE!

Hi! I've never run a poll blog before, but I like the "do you know this character" type blogs and I searched and didn't find one for ADHD characters so I decided I'd make one!

Submission Guidelines

Both canon and non-canon ADHD characters are allowed, but YOU MUST PROVIDE EVIDENCE FOR NON-CANON ADHD CHARACTERS! I completely understand just looking at a character and going "oh they have the Vibes" but it's not enough to be posted on this blog. Even just "they exhibit a lot of impulsiveness and distractability" is enough for me to go on - just give me SOMETHING to work with. However I reserve the right to not post a character if I don't think the evidence is compelling enough, i.e., if you don't list any traits that are specific to ADHD.

You may not submit real people, only fictional characters. I find it disrespectful and uncomfortable to speculate on the mental health of real people, and will not be posting those for my own comfort, even if those people will likely never see it. Also, the point of this is characters, not real people, so even people who have said they're ADHD won't be posted.

YOU MUST SUBMIT THROUGH THE FORM, NOT MY ASKBOX. I am, of course, ADHD myself, and I need all the submissions in one place or I'll lose them.

Got it? Here's the link to the form.

About the Mod/Blog

You can call me Mudkip if you'd like, or my name, Réka. She/her only please, do not use any other pronouns for me including they/them. I am an adult. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age and have it bad enough that I consider myself disabled. So ADHD rep is very important to me! And I'd like to both learn about ADHD rep I might not have heard of, and spread awareness of what ADHD people are like through the characters that people might not even realize are like us.

My icon is the character 707/Seven from Mystic Messenger, I chose him because although it's a bit hidden he is canonically ADHD! There's a call where he talks about how he talks to himself, and if you say "I heard people with adhd talk to themselves a lot..." he agrees with you, as well as displaying other ADHD traits through the whole game.

...is this entire blog partially part of my agenda to spread the word of canon ADHD Seven? Maybe.

Header is Zack Fair from Final Fantasy VII; he's not canonically ADHD but there's strong evidence for it and I couldn't resist using the "Me? Gongaga." meme.

I often can't resist making non-poll posts on this blog, although I swear I try. If you're just here for the polls you might want to filter the tag "not a poll"!

My main is @hungarianmudkip69 .

Tagging System, for your searching or filtering convenience

#poll - the polls. this only includes "do you know this character" polls, not any other polls I might do.

#not a poll - anything that doesn't get the above tag. Including other types of polls. You know what I mean.

#canon adhd character - polls for characters that are canonically ADHD.

#noncanon adhd character - polls for characters that aren't canonically ADHD, but have solid evidence behind the headcanon.

#poll results - a reblog of an ended poll with calculations of how many people know the character and what percentage of those people know/see the character as ADHD.

#poll reblog - any reblog of a poll that isn't poll results.

#other polls - polls from other blogs.

#blog management - anything about the running of the blog.

#ask - asks. I don't know what else to tell you.

#approval inquiry - asks asking if a character has been approved for posting.

#submission inquiry - asks asking if a character has been submitted.

this was part of the original pinned and I always like seeing this part of poll blog pinneds so I'm leaving it

I'm supposed to tag other polls for visibility, right? This was largely inspired by @who-do-i-know-this-man and @doyouknowthisdisabledcharacter as well as @do-you-know-this-queer-character !

If you want to know if someone's been posted, check below:

Polls in progress:

707/Saeyoung Choi from Mystic Messenger (canon)

Kyle Klimson from The InBESTigators (noncanon)

SpongeBob SquarePants from SpongeBob SquarePants (noncanon)

Sherlock Holmes from the original Sherlock Holmes stories (noncanon)

Evan "Buck" Buckley, from 9-1-1 (canon)

Meg Murry, from A Wrinkle in Time (noncanon)

Bokuto Koutarou, from Haikyuu!! (noncanon)

Finished polls (under the cut):

Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff from the X-Men movies (noncanon)

Rumpleteazer from Cats the Musical (noncanon)

Bobby Drake/Iceman from DC Comics (noncanon)

Karlach Cliffgate from Baldur's Gate 3 (noncanon)

Evelyn Wang from Everything Everywhere All at Once (canon)

Osana Najimi from Komi Can't Communicate (noncanon)

Barbara Gordon/Batgirl/Oracle from DC Comics (noncanon)

Sora from Kingdom Hearts (noncanon)

Dr. Coomer from Half Life VR but the AI is Self Aware/HLVRAI (noncanon)

Johnny Gat from Saints Row (noncanon)

Bart Allen/Impulse from DC Comics (noncanon)

Michael Tate from Greater Boston (canon)

Uraraka Ochako from My Hero Academia (noncanon)

Etcetera from Cats the Musical (noncanon)

Richie Tozier from IT (noncanon)

Gary Smith from Bully/Canis Canem Edit (canon)

Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation (noncanon)

Leonardo from Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (noncanon)

Mungojerrie from Cats the Musical (noncanon)

Achilles from the Iliad (noncanon)

Tajima Yuuichirou from Ookiku Furikabutte/Oofuri/Big Windup (noncanon)

Benrey from Half Life VR but the AI is Self Aware/HLVRAI (noncanon)

Crowven Corvuson from Cemetery Mary (canon)

Martlet from Undertale Yellow (noncanon)

Zell Dincht from Final Fantasy 8 (noncanon)

Skimbleshanks from Cats the Musical (noncanon)

Goku from Dragonball (noncanon)

Yuma Tsukumo from Yu-Gi-Oh Zexal (noncanon)

Moritz Stiefel from Spring Awakening (noncanon)

Sydney 'Syd' Novak from I Am Not Okay With This (noncanon)

Yuki Takeya from Gakkou Gurashi/School-Live! (noncanon)

Annabeth Chase from the Percy Jackson series (canon)

Maria von Trapp from The Sound of Music (noncanon)

Lift from The Stormlight Archive (noncanon)

Tim Drake from DC Comics (noncanon)

Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece (noncanon)

Apollo Justice from the Ace Attorney games (noncanon)

Stella from Winx Club (noncanon)

Roy Harper from DC Comics (canon)

Michelangelo from Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (canon)

Tony Stark from the Marvel Cinematic Universe (noncanon)

Aiden Clark from School Bus Graveyard (canon)

Serpaz Helilo from Vast Error (canon)

The Doctor from Doctor Who (noncanon)

Ronan Lynch from The Raven Cycle (noncanon)

Leo Valdez from the Percy Jackson books (canon)

Moth Flight from Warrior Cats (canon)

Ramona Quimby from the Ramona books (noncanon)

Joey Pigza from the Joey Pigza books (canon)

Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables (noncanon)

Spinner Mason from Degrassi: The Next Generation (canon)

Lupin III from Lupin the Third (noncanon)

Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (noncanon)

George Beard and Harold Hutchins from Captain Underpants (canon)

Alex Woodroe from All the Feels (canon)

Agent Curt Mega from Spies are Forever (noncanon)

TG from Castle of Nations (canon)

Shawn Spencer from Psych (canon)

Sydney Scoville Jr. from Grrl Power (canon)

Marinette Dupain-Cheng from Miraculous Ladybug (noncanon)

Zagreus from Hades (noncanon)

Sherlock Holmes from Sherlock & Co. (canon)

Ash Ketchum from Pokémon (noncanon)

Misfire from Transformers (canon)

Herlock Sholmes from The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (noncanon)

Christine Canigula from Be More Chill (canon)

Aubrey Little from The Adventure Zone: Amnesty (canon)

Lt. Columbo from Columbo (noncanon)

Billie from Billie Bust Up (canon)

Wei Wuxian from Mo Dao Zu Shi (noncanon)

Jimmy Casket from VenturianTale (noncanon)

Sara Eriksson from Young Royals (canon)

Magnus Burnsides from The Adventure Zone: Balance (noncanon)

Scout from Team Fortress 2 (noncanon)

Luz Noceda from The Owl House (canon)

Zack Fair from Final Fantasy VII (noncanon)

Percy Jackson from Percy Jackson and the Olympians (canon)

April Polls' Day posts, for posterity - ran polls on non-ADHD characters:

Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Zenos yae Galvus from Final Fantasy XIV

P.I.X.A.L. from Lego Ninjago

Brutus the Ducky from Real Life and also Rubber Ducky Hell (our only canonically non-ADHD poll subject)

Sophia from Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin (please play it)

#poll #poll blog #adhd #actuallyadhd #actually adhd #disability #neurodiversity #neurodivergency #uhhhhhh what else #we will see how this goes i guess #if youre familiar with me you can probably guess who i am but im not super concerned abt being found out lol #just anon for now

137 notes · View notes

i-still-mask-because · 1 year

Note

in the wake of all this new information during COVID, do you feel that maybe we should all just be masking all the time, COVID of no COVID? I mean it can't be the only airborne disease out there and immunocompromised ppl have always and will always exist so like. Following that thinking even if we don't have COVID we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right? Idk I'm stressing a lot about this do I just need to wear a mask outside forever cos. Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues and stuff but. I don't wanna?? Kill people by accident??? Aaaaa

Hello, thanks for reaching out about this.

I saw this ask about a month ago, and I needed time to think about how I'd respond to it (so I want to thank you for the patience!).

I'll try to answer all of this to the best of my ability, and I thought I'd answer this by going backwards (responding to the last things you said and then moving up with responding to the first things you said).

Everything is below the cut because this is very long!

First I'll try to summarize what I think you're asking here:

"Vulnerable people exist in this world all around me, therefore does this mean I'm constantly posing a threat to those vulnerable people's safety when I don't mask? The thought of this brings me feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety."

I find this is hard to answer candidly without risking stressing out you or anyone else who's aware of the consequences of their choice not to mask. Nonetheless, my honest answer is: yes, choosing not to mask means risking the lives and safety of vulnerable people, i.e. the disabled, immunocompromised, elderly, children & babies, and those that intersect those groups. That risk can take place directly (such as interacting with an immunocompromised elder) or indirectly (such as interacting with the parent of a disabled child).

I also want to add that it's not only those groups that need protecting. I firmly believe that regardless of your age and/or whether or not you self-identify as disabled or immunocompromised that everyone is at risk of the long-term consequences of this rapidly mutating, vascular, and immunosuppressive virus. No one is invincible to this, and I'll add: not even if you're vaccinated (still get vaccinated if you can, but know that you can still catch covid & develop long covid regardless of your vaccination status).

1. "Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues."

I understand how that can be difficult to deal with, trust me. There are specific masks (such as most standard KN95s) that irritate the hell out of my face after a certain point. The way those specific masks brush against the hairs of my cheeks just make me want to rip the mask off my face completely. Finding alternatives has been a lifesaver, and they've allowed me to get through the day without wanting to maul someone lol. I don't know what masks you have tried out already, so I'll just recommend the one's I like as well as the one's I've heard good reviews on from people that also have sensory issues:

NIOSH 3m Aura N95 Respirators

Flo Mask

GATA Mask (Haven't tried this one yet, but I've heard a LOT of people say this has been a game changer for them because of how comfortable it is & how it doesn't trigger much sensory issues at all due to its silicone material. Probably the only con I've heard is the chance of the build up of moisture in the mask after a long period of use & water possibly dripping on your face— this happens to me sometimes with my Flo Mask. Edit on Sept. 26, 2023: I tried GATA Mask, and I personally have a tough time getting a comfortable fit & seal with it, even when getting the small/medium size for adults to see if it'll make a difference, and the nose bridge shape not fitting well for me is a huge con. Customer service is just suggesting I spend more, so I'll just give this one a break, for now at least. A lot of other people seem to like it though.)

Halyard FLUIDSHIELD [ASTM Level 3] Mask (My mom works in a hospital, and these are masks she brings home from work. They're VERY comfortable for me, especially when I'm masking at home. I recommend finding a way to tighten the loops that go around your ears to prevent as much gaps around the mask as possible. If tight loops hurt your ears easily, I recommend a mask brace.)

O2 Nose Filters (I haven't tried these out yet as well, but I've seen videos demonstrating how effective these are at filtering out SOOO many unseen particles. I don't recommend using these alone of course, because there's still a risk of inhaling harmful aerosols through your mouth. I would recommend using this as a reinforcement of the protective measures you take. For example: adding on a comfortable surgical mask— ideally one with a high filtration efficiency like the previous suggestion— with the nose filters. I think these nose filters would be great if you're removing your mask real quick to take a sip of water or if you're outdoors with enough distance from crowded areas & groups.)

In the ideal world, more people would mask during this on-going pandemic so those that deal with sensory issues and/or those that straight-up can't wear a mask due to medical reasons wouldn't have to worry so much about choosing between existing & risking their health. For now, we just have to find alternatives.

2. "Do I need to wear a mask outside forever?"

My answer to this is: yes until further notice. There's no foreseeable end to this pandemic right now, but it would be worth the patience to wait for adequate tech, treatment, and cures for covid-19 to be released before even thinking about getting loose with masking.

Societal mandates have been dropped way too soon, and public health in regards to covid-19 is being forced on us as an individual responsibility. As a consequence, this gives this rapidly mutating virus a lot of wiggle room to spread and do whatever it wants. This means doctors and experts don't have much answers yet for adequate treatment because there's a MAJOR lack of containment (such as masking & quarantining) and documentation (such as testing & reporting). This isn't to say there hasn't been any advancements whatsoever: for example, Washington University just developed a breath test for covid that gives results in just 1 minute! This is great news! And this is just one reason why it's very necessary for those who can mask to mask, so scientists are given more time to roll out helpful solutions & tools sooner.

Another thing I'll add is if you're symptomatic and/or are positive for covid, you should 100% be wearing a mask no matter what, point blank period. I say "and/or" because it is VERY much possible to have covid and not experience any symptoms at all; this is a major reason why it's necessary to mask up in public consistently, because you can't always know who you bump into that may have covid or not.

3. "Even if we don't have covid, we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right?"

Yes, there is a possibility of spreading airborne diseases to vulnerable people unknowingly— without the protective & preventative tools that is.

I can only speak for America because that's the cultural zeitgeist I grew up in, but: I feel like many of us can agree that, unless you worked in a healthcare setting, what was "normal" (in America) before 2020 when it came to airborne illness prevention was definitely not the regular use of a mask. American health education mainly taught us if we're coughing & sneezing to try to do so in a tissue or into your elbow, as well as frequently wash our hands. That doesn't account for the way air actually works though. For instance, if someone with the common cold coughed into the inside of their elbow, the particles they coughed out are still able to linger in the air because their elbow isn't creating a tight seal around their mouth (their elbow may have caught the droplets from their cough— which are bigger & heavier— but the smaller, lighter aerosols would just spread around similar to how smoke does); it's the difference between 😪 vs 😶‍🌫️. The only sure way for the germs they've coughed out to be blocked from spreading to other people is if they wear a well-fitted, quality mask/respirator.

I feel like health education from a young age should include the benefits of masking; that way it would be easier to adapt to the need to put on a mask to protect ourselves & others as a collective. It would be phenomenal & wonderful if we as a collective were used to masking the same way we're used to putting on socks before putting on our shoes.

4. "Immunocompromised people have always and will always exist"

Yes, that is true. And that means necessary measures taken to protect them, as well as other vulnerable people, should be the standard.

5. "[Covid] can't be the only airborne disease out there"

Of course not. There's plenty of them. However, not all airborne diseases are the same, nor should they be treated as such. What's been observed in regards to the long-term effects of covid is not at all the same with other airborne diseases. Covid is a highly contagious virus that is more than just a respiratory disease. Its goal is to attack your immune system, nervous system, heart, brain, and/or other vital organs. That's what viruses do. They act smart and sneaky, and they have the capability to trigger illnesses in your body that you may not have had pre-infection:

Chickenpox is known to lead to shingles

Epstein-Barr is known to lead to mono

HPV is known to lead to cancer

Covid-19 has been found to lead to:

POTS

ME/CFS

Stroke & Heart attack

Alzheimer's

Dementia

"Brain Fog"; Memory & Concentration Problems

The list goes on, and these are only what we know of. Covid may not be the only airborne disease, but it definitely is a dangerous one with serious, long-term negative effects.

6. "Do you feel that we should all be masking all the time, whether or not covid-19 exists?"

In regards to masking with the existence of covid:

Yes. Masking is a vital method in the prevention of catching & spreading covid-19, because it is primarily spread through the air.

In regards to masking without the existence of covid:

See my answer for number 3, and also: given the fact wearing a mask can only do more good than harm for most folks, I don't see why not. Imagine a world where we don't have to worry about flu season or allergy season anymore because those aerosols are filtered out from consistent mask wearing. Sounds like the dream to me lol.

I hope this made sense! If anyone has anything they'd like to add to answer anon's questions, please feel free to share!

Thank you for reading 😷

#covid #covid pandemic #covid isn't over #covid is airborne #covid awareness #masks & respirators #link(s) provided #information #ask queue

180 notes · View notes

copperbadge · 11 months

Note

So there's a videogame or app thing called Mightier that I remembered hearing about but had to go look up for teaching kids emotional regulation! They wear a heart rate monitor and if they're too stressed the game gets harder/handicaps you so you have to calm your body to keep playing. I read about it in Discover a few years ago in the context of ADHD kids but maybe good for us adults too?

This is a very overdue response, my apologies, but thanks for the info! I had a look at it and it seems like it's essentially DBT but couched fairly carefully for children (appropriate) and with added biofeedback, which is cool. Given it's for kids I don't know how well I'd take to it; there's kind of a....I don't know, not a gestalt exactly, but there's a confluence of factors that make it really difficult to accept treatments for children as an adult. I mean I'm sure this isn't exclusive to ADHD, but between the fact that people with any kind of disability are infantlized, the lack of resources for adults with cognitive disabilities (the "Autistic children evaporate when they turn 18" issue), and my own personal relationship to disability especially as it relates to childhood....well, I'm aware of the problem, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be rational about it :D I'm not overly thrilled with some of the visible artifacts of "this is for kids" in Endeavor OTC. Mind you, on the other hand, I very much like being able to buy outfits for my lil avatar dude.

I really am glad there are so many resources for kids now. I talk about my journey in part to help other adults who have received adult diagnosis, but also so that parents who might read it can see what options are out there for them and their kids. But on top of the I think pretty standard resignation to most resources not being For Me...I basically raised a kid with diagnosed Autism while being a kid with undiagnosed ADHD. I was a really active and not entirely voluntary parental figure for my brother, and there's some briar patches there on account of it.

I mean all of this said, I'm also discovering that if I allow myself to participate in gamified learning, I'm really very motivated by and into it, so I can't say I don't love game as treatment. :D

#sam has adhd #not yet fired from therapy

84 notes · View notes

officsandpens · 1 month

Text

Mobile Navigation

Welcome to my blog! I mostly try to write fan fictions for characters I enjoy on my screen. You can read them by checking out my master post on desktop or following the navigation below! Please be aware that not all the stories are suitable for readers under 18. Also note that not all topics are suitable for you, and you should read the warnings before reading the fan fic.

Other than that, please enjoy my written works!

You can find my master post for DESKTOP here and the one for mobile users can be found here. Furthermore, you can find the Work in Progress (or the series/chapter) I'm currently working on below. The newest addition or the work I'm currently promoting can also be found below.

Current WIP:

Promoting current work:

Hi! Welcome to my blog. I'm a 28-year-old fan fiction writer who basically inhales caffeine instead of delicately sipping it. I really can't go a single morning without my two mugs of coffee! I'm a mum of two adorable cats who I love dearly. Faye and Moussie. If I'm not sitting behind my computer, I'm most likely trying to adult. Which isn't as easy if you're diagnosed with AuDHD. That is Autism and ADHD combined. While it currently doesn't affect my life to the point I feel disabled, I'm well aware it's a huge roadblock in my life. One I'm living with every day. I don't want to be cured, but I rather be understood. If I'm not writing, I'm either reading or gaming.

I hope to use this blog to not only bring my wildest fantasies to life, but yours as well!

#pinned #mobile navigation #mobile menu #welcome

26 notes · View notes

verdemoun · 3 months

Note

Do any of the gang members find out that they have any disorders/mental illnesses/etc. once they get timewarped and if so what are their reactions? Ranging from “oh, I though that was normal” to “NUH UH!”

timewarp was founded on the gang realising they have ptsd and kieran's autism being more obvious and worse in timewarp. but in detail

kieran is autistic

sean might have adhd but he doesn't actually have hyperactivity as a symptom. plot twist he just has that erratic trauma avoiding energy. it is a lot more masking severe c-ptsd and imposter syndrome that is his behind his exaggerated happy personality. see reform school lore

arthur is one of the few diagnosed he definitely had an acquired brain injury which while a physical injury manifests with mostly neurological symptoms. sometimes he gets confused or irritated for seemingly no reason, and this has been a thing since long before timewarp. the gang move on from joking about how dumb he is he does have an intellectual disability as part of his ABI. his response was very "oh I thought that was normal" and "bah i ain't need help".

the gang have subconsciously been aware of this long before they had the medical knowledge to understand it and are all pretty used to quickly explaining things or reminding arthur of stuff he forgets. lowkey consider this canon ever notice how the gang talk to arthur sometimes not entirely condescending but explaining things on his level eg sean being the one to point out the grays will definitely recognise him and he should hide in the wagon, grimshaw almost playfully reminding a grown man to wash because he straight up forgets, gentle reminders of what they're doing through heists even beyond game mechanics a lot of heist cut scenes are super repetitive like charles very much breaking down we're blowing a hole in the bank. take the spool and connect it to the detonator. the detonator is over there. it just feels like they know arthur isn't always entirely there and are v supportive. arthur is so curious and asks so many questions and the gang just roll with it and answer most of the time it feels so kind and positive.

arthur also definitely has adhd. hyper-fixates on new interesting thing for a month and then completely forgets everything he ever learned about it

almost the entire gang acknowledge they have ptsd/c-ptsd and varying levels of trauma as a response their lives/childhoods/relationships with parents/being a VDL. acknowledging it doesn't mean they do anything to move towards recovery because they are still mostly men raised with 19th century values who hang shit on each other for flinching at loud noises or being 'is someone shooting at us' alert

lenny and isaac as the most aware begging their friends/family to take their mental health seriously and are constantly met with 'lmao no' 'that's?? normal?? what do you mean' and 'NUH'. lenny cries 'please this is re-traumatising you are actively upsetting yourselves' while the gang go 'boo grow a pair' despite experiencing varying levels of anxiety attack in response to triggers.

john will only bring up 'hey stop making wolf jokes about me it is Actually a Trigger' to stop the gang bullying him. very genuine trigger and phobia of wolves and wolf-like dogs but still doesn't take it seriously himself

bill has recognized anger management issues and is in therapy. alcoholism is a definite concern. he's also just got a lot of internalised homophobia and complex feelings about the gang and his own childhood to unpack and learn how to articulate and express his feelings in a healthier way. only one of the adult gang who is actively trying to improve his mental health through therapy go king

the d in dsm-5 stands for dutch and he is thriving in in-patient care. not even the doctors know entirely what to diagnose him because he seems to have symptoms of everything but is responding best to medications traditionally used to support bi-polar

special acknowledgement to karen who is very very depressed but is a thriving with anti-depressants because trying to get the gang to go to actual psychologists and therapy is Hell. her and sean send each zoloft memes constantly

#rdr2 timewarp au

25 notes · View notes

majycka · 4 months

Note

hi quick random question, do you think Kyoto students and utahime especially her dynamic with Gojo could have been utilised a bit better in shibuya because they have potential if they were fleshed out.

what are your thoughts i just feel there could have been potential.

There certainly was a potential anon!

Reading this linkspooky anon ask, she said that the mechamuru traitor plot line could've been fleshed out more to point out the flaws of the school system(which gege isn't really interested in exploring) thus also allowing us to explore the differences between teacher Gojo and Utahime plus their kids. I agree with what the anon and she had to say so imma try to explain it further.

I know canon told us that Utahime was able to figure out the mole via process of elimination but if we were to really to draw out the traitor plot line, I can imagine Utahime, the investigator, digging deeper into the motive on why possible Mechamaru even considered doing it. She's an attentive teacher afterall so I wouldn't doubt she probably cares about why her kid ends up like that. In this way, we get to see the differences between how Gojo and Utahime treat their kids as well as how the school system using these kids as child soldiers affects them. Through this way, we get to see Gojo and Utahime interact more. I’d dare say that Utahime will probably call out the way how absent and “sink-or-swim” Gojo’s ways of teaching are. I mean, it does work for his students, but sometimes he ignores a crucial and obvious part that they are STILL kids.

That’s the whole point of Nanami’s care for Yuuji who’s originally under Gojo’s wing, and how Yuuji expressed that it’s Nanami underestimating his skills when in fact, Yuuji is STILL a child, and Nanami, as the adult, has to protect him.

Gojo is not too aware of this fact that they ARE still child soldiers because he is raised in the same system afterall. However, with Utahime’s caring, and doesn’t-take-any-bullshit-from-Gojo personality, there’s no doubt she’ll call the fuck out of him.

Moving on to the actual students themselves, I actually like how Gege kept the Kyoto kids lowkey in this arc and when they showed up, they were a team (even Todo included with his help with Yuuji). I'd like it more if we were shown how the Kyoto kids navigated the culling game arc because the game could have forced Kyoto plus Tokyo to cooperate with each other. Maybe even under Utahime's wing because most of the adults got nerfed in Shibuya. Also, Kyoto kids offer the weaker pov things in the series, and I'm all out for underdog characters. There’s just lots of inner conflict going on when you’re in a world who favors the strong while the weak gets hammered down.

Moreover, another thematic potential I can think for the kyoto-tokyo dynamic is sharing comradery on entering adulthood. This is somehow shown with Kamo & Maki vs Naoya fight, and imo, this fight is a good CANON example that "at the very verryyy least" fulfilled the potential of the Kyoto-Tokyo dynamic.

More yapping under the cut cuz this is actually one of my fav fights in CG arc >.<

The goodwill event shows the battling philosophies of the schools, however it also shows how complementary they are..Kyoto wants to be understood in a lashing out way but Tokyo merely responded with callousness to it and has the "who cares what others think" mindset.

Nobara and Momo fight on misogyny

Mechamaru expressing his disability with panda

Megumi vs Kamo "We are the same"

Maki and Mai "why didn't you left the Zenin clan"

I mean Tokyo ain't wrong about their individualistic mindset but at the same time, it just sounded unsympathetic especially when all those kids are all in the SAME boat being child soldiers under the jjk ruthless system. Kyoto kids unhealthily lashes out but they aren't wrong about it either cuz it's a reality that they suffer a lot from this system. These openness of Kyoto Tech however did make them closer like mutamiwa and kyoto girls (mai, miwa, momo).

Overall, Tokyo needed the Kyoto comrade nature while at the same time Kyoto needed the independence of Tokyo kids and in that kamo-maki vs Naoya fight, it showed us how these philosophies made a great working teamwork for them...

Recap to that fight, Naoya shows up as a cursed spirit and boom maki has to deal with it now luckily Kamo is there to help. With the help of Kamo's teamwork, Maki was bought some time to recover (deal with those samurai and sumo duo) and boom defeat him.

Kamo sympathised with Maki’s situation after the fight. Even back in the fight with Megumi, Kamo seems to be one trying to seek understanding from kids under the big clans because he kinda understands the pressure they are under. Despite barely interacting on screen, it's no wonder 100% Kamo backed up Maki. Moreover, what makes this fight pair up fulfilling is the parallels they have despite being different ends of the spectrum. They even opened up about their family problems, and this is coming from Maki who tends to keep to herself.

"Don’t fall in the same rut."

Maki opens up and give advice in communicating more to their family because Maki regretted not doing the same for their mom, and we cut to throwback of the Kamo’s mom was that she named him Noritoshi just to spite the Kamo clan.

I've seen criticism about this part. It's pretty shitty the mom named her kid practically Hitler, abandoned the same kid, and expects the kid himself to come back, and I agree with the criticism. However, looking at it from a different angle, it's shown at the same time that jjk is a coming of age series, kids growing into adulthood aka shouldering the shit that adults have failed to do...

Adults can be shit at doing their job to their kids like what Kamo's mom did to Noritoshi. Like c'mon mom! you could have done your job as an adult and be the one to approach your kid or pull him out of the clan situation but no. Sometimes the Reality is fully accepting that parents are shitty sometimes and the kid of the situation has to push themselves to be mature and take over the adult's work, and as for Kamo, that is having to be the one to find his mother to find closure and from then on, he will be the one to decide what will be next.

41 notes · View notes

sarandipitywrites · 10 months

Text

Writeblr Intro

(i should probably make one of these, shouldn't i?)

about me:

hi! i'm saran (any pronouns). i spend 99% of my free time writing, thinking about writing, making playlists for my writing, rotating my other obsessions in my head (currently jak & daxter; voiceplay; and motionless in white), and sometimes spewing those on my blog as well. this is my primary blog (i can barely keep up with this one, so a sideblog is not likely in the near future), so be aware that you'll see everything that spills out of my head/crosses my blog that i feel like sharing. if you're just here for the writing, that's cool, too! all of my original writing is tagged #my writing, and all longform works and snippets are tagged with their titles. i'm open to tag games, asks, and dms for anything and everything, even if you just need to talk 💜

about the writing:

i both read and write most genres, but fantasy and speculative fiction are my favorite (with a heavy dose of monsters and the paranormal, whether the genre otherwise calls for it or not). i write both original fiction and fanfiction. my main characters tend to be queer, neurodiverse, disabled, or all of the above. i write with an adult audience in mind (my writing has a tendency to delve into heavy topics, including mental health issues and societal commentary, and several of my stories contain graphic violence), so while minors are welcome to follow, i would encourage you to self-curate your experience. i try to tag anything potentially triggering, but i am human and sometimes miss things; if you notice anything that you think needs a tag, please do let me know!

general taglist (ask to be added or removed): @innocentlymacabre

find all the links and tags for my work under the cut:

the WIPs:

The Art of Empty Space (wip intro, tag)

Lienzo's search for a cure for his parent's condition entangles him in a years-old curse with an arcane beast at its heart. As he works to break the curse and free the city of Rookport, he finds an unexpected ally in the beast — and, perhaps, something more. (subversive fairytale; paranormal romance; original fiction)

Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @notwritinganyflufftoday

Dead Roots, Dark Water (wip intro, tag, Ao3)

After two years of genetic experiments at the hands of Haven City's Minister of Science leave him almost unrecognizable, Jak isn't as eager to go home as Daxter would have hoped. Daxter's rescue mission becomes a quest to undo the damage the dark eco experiments inflicted upon Jak's body and psyche — and the only one who can help them is Haven's most beloved public figure, who also happens to be Minister Acheron's twin sister. (adventure; dark fantasy; dystopian; fanfiction - Jak & Daxter)

Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @sam-glade, @televisionjester, @surroundedbypearls

the Short Stories:

A Haunted Home

A haunted house gets its latest in a long string of owners. Is it possible to have a QPR with a house? You're about to find out. cw: implied past domestic abuse

Bodies

The Belltown Butcher takes a trophy from each of their victims. Ness survived, but not before the Butcher took their prize. cw: referenced kidnapping, trauma, eye trauma

Loreley

A cartographical ship picks up a distress signal in the unexplored Groombridge 1618 system. Instead of the lost Kasandra, they find a seemingly-habitable planet.

I Am Alive

A group of friends breaks into the local haunted house for an All Hallow's Eve séance. It doesn't go as planned.

#writeblr #writeblr intro #writers on tumblr #wtwcommunity #writeblr community #index #meta post #pinned post #blog intro

73 notes · View notes

allegraforchrist · 2 months

Text

This might be a controversial take, but what opinion isn’t. As a Christian and older sister, I think video games are not suitable nor should be easily accessible to children under the ages of 16. Why do I say this? Well because I’ve watched someone close to me suffer emotional abuse and idolatry unlike anything, and had to sit aside and watch it wreck her social and personal life. It has also negatively impacted me, but I’m not going to dwell on that.

Please understand, I enjoy gaming. I watch gameplays and love to see the hard work and joys of people in the gaming community. Yet I’m also aware of the dark side of it all. And what sickens me, is the intellectual, and emotional, deficit I’ve seen develop in the gaming community, in younger children. There’s no separation anymore from reality and fiction, it’s the same as seeing children on TikTok and Instagram post videos and ‘comedic’ content.

I was born in 2005, I’ve lived through every social ‘cringe’ and trend. I’ve lived through the transition of ‘vintage to digital’ with dvds and vhs going extinct. I’m living through the all digital/online era, and marketed lifestyle of overconsumption. I’m living and witnessing it everyday, from my phone, to my personal home life. And I can’t express how much I despise it all. While gaming and social media are tools, they’ve now been developed to fulfill every gap in one’s life where people, hobbies, and emotional grit, and perspective, should’ve developed.

We are normalizing antisocial behaviors, speech disorders (medical and social), intellectual disabilities and incapacitation to critically think. Mental and emotional problems, relating to oneself and their abilities, is far more stark than it was over the last 4 decades. Insecurity isn’t not going to exist, but we are sitting in the generation(s), where it’s necessary to their content and online life. Where ‘rotting’ and depression are a more reasonable way of life, rather than seeking help and support.

And if people want to say “Generation Alpha is just different, and you can’t appreciate that.” You’re right, I can’t appreciate a generation that has the lowest EQ, highest bullying rate, and higher screen dependency, I’ve seen from my childhood to my teenhood, and now young adulthood. Generation Alpha, and even adults today from Gen Z or Gen XY, are all victims from our society’s rapid despondency and dehumanization.

You cannot convince me, that the same video game or gaming platform a child plays for 7+ hours a day does not affect their ability to comprehend beyond online social queues. You cannot convince me that there isn’t a problem if games that are meant to inspire and develop creativity, are now the same triggers to children developing a hatred of school and their lives, if the game is taken away or they lost in it. You cannot convince me Generation Alpha, and their adults, have a problem with cyber bullying and TikTok syndrome - where every moment is a clip worth sharing online, and not being experienced as genuine human memory.

I don’t need to add statistics to my argument, because the whole internet is filled with enough articles to prove my point. Scroll long enough on Instagram and you’ll see thousands of people complaining about AI and the algorithm and screen time. People posting videos about articles that have spoken, and further elaborated (scientifically) on my point. I don’t say any of this to shame the gaming community or Generation Alpha, or any adults. I’m sharing a conclusion I’ve drawn as a Christian and young woman, that has a younger sister who is victim to this everyday.

I want to reach out and speak about this. Not from a political, or social perspective, but from a human and child perspective. Because there’s a huge need for human connection and responsibility over these online platforms and children’s development. And there needs to be an even larger need to bring God into this problem, to break down familiar idols that strip away children’s creativity and identity, that He created in each of them with a purpose and plan! We need to pray and take spiritual and physical action against this play satan has over the online world. Making it more enticing and worth living for, than the one our Savior shed His blood for!

Children are the future, yet they cannot see it beyond their screens. Children cannot see their lives beyond the blue and white, when it’s meant to be in the rainbow. Games aren’t necessarily evil, but the characters they build in our children can turn out that way. We need to bring back the life in their eyes, and hands and feet and spirits; because their lives are more precious than any amount of likes, follows, and XP, they will ever earn at their fingertips.

#christian blog #christianity #christian girl #christian #christian faith #christian bible #christian girly things #faith in jesus #christian vent #social media rant #online rant

19 notes · View notes

st4rrmii · 1 month

Text

Lucien's Lore/Timeline Up Until CT

TW//Substance abuse, Parental/Sibling deaths, Transphobia, Ableism, abuse, self destructive thoughts/attempts and Bullying-Please only read ahead if mentally okay to!

Disclaimer!!-Lucien's story does get dark at certain points, as I've stated before, I use OCs to vent about certain things, as well as base parts of them off my own life experiences. No part of his story is meant to be for shock value or "edginess", it all has a purpose. On top of all that, the show is for children, so of course it wouldn't be too dark with its themes, however I did want to delve a little bit more into the after effects of the trauma that would be being one of the campers. If this makes you uncomfortable, please do not read, I don't mind!

Now to it, everything under the cut!

Pre-Camp Cretaceous-

Lucien was born into a family of three, his mother(unnamed), father(Brian), and older brother(Landon, 9 years older than Lucien). The four lived a very normal life, as far as Lucien was aware, Lucien's little sister(Mia) being born when he was 5. Both his father and Mother worked for Jurassic World as scientists. Shortly after Mia's birth, their mother went missing, there was a search for her but she was never found. Unfortunately this cause Landon to fall into a depression that ended up with him hanging out with the wrong type of people, people who taught him that the best way to cope was with drugs.

Everything after that seemed to start on a slow but steady downhill, Lucien's father was a loving man, but he needed to continue to work to keep his family afloat, Landon did try his hardest to keep a stable job despite everything, but as time went on his addiction made it harder to do that, this all left a very young Lucien to do most of the parenting for Mia. This was also around the time Lucien started to realize he was "different", he hated being called a girl, he knew it was 'technically' what he was, he knew his body was that of a girl's, but it all just felt wrong. Despite not knowing what this meant, he was lucky enough to have a supportive family, Landon and Brian referring to him with more GN/Masc terms and pronouns to see how that felt, which as expected, felt right. Brian knew Lucien was trans, he always had a feeling, but at that point in the game, with how young he was, he never really told him what that was, not wanting Lucien to feel like it was something weird that would make him too "different", instead just going along with the terms that made him comfortable until he reached a certain age. The unfortunate part of this however, was that with Lucien entering school it was somewhat- difficult- to explain to children of the early 2000s, on top of his disabilities(both physical and more mental, ie. Autism/selective mutism), with this, kids were quick to judge, and unfortunately he became an outcast in his schools due to bullying.

The three siblings had to move in with their grandparents after their mother disappeared, which was okay at first, as despite their grandmother being strict with them, as well as somewhat.. bigoted- towards Lucien, they did have a loving grandfather. Unfortunately things went south when he passed, his passing causing their grandmother to spiral, her transphobia towards Lucien becoming so much worse. I won't go into detail, but to say the least, Lucien is absolutely terrified of that woman, even as an adult. Sometime around here was when Lucien's grandmother did something absolutely vile, which I once again will not go into detail on, but it ended up with Landon and his friends beating a man that had hurt Lucien, unfortunately for Lucien, this man was one of his bullies' fathers, which caused the bullying to become worse.

Things continued like this until Lucien was 12, which is when Landon unfortunately passed away, this tore Lucien apart, as Landon was his best friend, and on top of that, their father became sick not long after (quite possibly triggered by stress) and was forced to come home on sick leave, which at least got Lucien and Mia out of their grandmother's house and home with their father. Lucien had to become a major caretaker of both his father and Mia while very young and in mourning, causing him to fall into a deep depression, and on top of all that his bullies took Landon's death to fuel their bullying, telling Lucien it was his fault, because of this, Lucien ended up dropping out of public school, getting homeschooled which was luckily funded by JW.

It was all of this that made Brian start to look into the Camp that would be launched in a few years, he knew they'd be looking for campers to give everything a test run, so he used a few of his connections to have Lucien selected as one of said campers. Lucien had always loved dinosaurs, and always wanted to go to JW, but due to his father's work schedule he simply was not able to, so his father thought now that he was home he would finally let Lucien go, even if he couldn't be there with him.

Lucien was unaware of this until mere weeks before he would be leaving for Camp Cretaceous, and while part of him was excited to finally go, it was very quickly drowned out by the worry that his dad and Mia wouldn't be able to take care of themselves while he was gone, but Brian did assure him it would only be for around a week and they would be okay. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

Camp Cretaceous and the Downfall of Jurassic World-

The first person Lucien met at CC was Ben, both of them docking at the same place as they lived close to each other, they ended up talking a bit before the boat arrived, Lucien learning the Ben knew asl which was very helpful considering it was Lucien's main form of communication due to his selective mutism (The nerves and everything of the trip were making it act up, and he would end up not talking verbally until around the 2 month point of being stuck on Nublar)

Lucien ended up clinging to Ben the entire time they were at camp, the same way Ben clung to Kenji. In all honesty, Ben didn't mind it, it was nice having someone that would hold back with him even when the group went forwards, he also could not lie, having someone cling to him for protection definitely made him feel a little cool (especially when that person was so pretty) they ended up growing pretty close, Ben even letting Lucien use his inhaler at some point after his went missing in the chaos (yes, ben did have to coat it in sanitizer after but its the thought that counts). One core moment of being on the island pre-monorail was when, at one point, Ben fell, cutting up his hands pretty bad and getting them dirty. This, plus all the stress, triggered a panic attack on Ben's part, Ben panicking that his hands would get infected due to the dirt and kill him. Lucien, both having struggled with panic attacks, as well as knowing how to dress a wound (his dad worked on the medical team on JW, and shared a lot of his knowledge with Lucien), quickly did what he could, using the bandage wraps and alcohol wipes in Ben's 'dork pouch' to clean him up and dress the wounds, doing his best to help calm him down as well as constantly signing to him "You're okay, I've got you, you're gonna be okay." (Something Landon used to tell him when he would have panic attacks). This acted as one of the first moments Ben realized that he may feel more for Lucien than he had originally thought.

The monorail incident definitely fucked Lucien up hard, having tried to help Darius save Ben but it just- didn't work. Lucien shut down after this, Brooklynn physically having to pull Lucien off with her when they all jumped off the monorail. Lucien ofc wanted to go looking for Ben, which everyone (but Kenji and Sammy) objected to; in hindsight, he understands that it wouldve been stupid to spend time looking for someone who was probably long since dead when they only had a certain amount of time to get to the boat, but at the time this cause Lucien to lose any sense of trust for the group (He wasnt AS mad at Kenji and Sammy, but there was certainly a bit of distain for them not fighting as hard) and he became even more shutaway from them than he had been before.

The month where Ben was missing was horrible for Lucien, and he could not lie, that plus being stuck on the island brought back the suicidal thoughts that he thought he left on the mainland, he never acted on them, but there were a few times while running from dinosaurs he considered just- stopping dead in his tracks, acting as a distraction so the others could get away, but he didn't, always being pulled forward by Sammy or Kenji, he owed his life to him honestky, as much as he hated how egotistical Kenji was or how- weirdly optimistic Sammy was.

Lucien was ecstatic when Ben came back, of course, it was hard to tell through all the sobs, but he is sososo relieved to have Ben back, even if he has- changed. This is the first time Ben hears Lucien's voice, the first time any of the campers hear his voice, and its the first time Lucien says anything verbal, telling Ben "I thought I-..we- lost you-" and Ben would be lying if he said that one second slip up didn't make his heart run laps (HOW did it take them so long to realize they loved each other CHRIST). It took a lil bit to get used to Jungle Man Ben, but it wasn't too hard since Lucien was just relieved to have Ben back, ntm having Ben actually protrcting him at times, even putting him on Bumpy's back whenever they had to walk/run somewhere, not wanting him to trigger a pain flare up, definitely had Lucien questioning if he only liked girls (spoiler, he doesn't, thanks Ben).

He is able to grow more confident once Ben is back, kinda looking up to him and his growth for 'motivation', he's able to start talking with the campers, as well as helping out a bit more. His first major moment where he's able to step up and take some form of control over a situation is when Sammy gets hit by the Scorpios' spines, Lucien has knowledge in venoms and how they act, not only has he been bit by plenty of venomlus things (he does not think before he grabs) but he's also seen his father's studies (some of which did include the secret hybrid). He was able to take watch of Sammy, staying back with Brooklynn and Kenji to keep track of her symptoms, as well as help slow down certain ones. This was definitely the first time him and Yaz ever really spoke to each other (put two closed off ppl in a room, theyre probably gonna sit there in silence until you give up and let them out) Yaz thanking him for helping save Sammy, even hugging him in her emotional state (which very much caught him off guard).

Everything from there was somewhat normal,(Lucien even finding out Ben was also transmasc like him in this time), just them trying to get off the damn island, until Ben dropped the bomb that he didn't want to leave, this all sent Lucien back to the monorail, he knew what it was like to lose Ben, and that was back before they were as close as they were now, he just couldn't do it again. It got to the point where he threatened to stay on the island if Ben was, which Ben absolutely could not let happen, having Kenji physically drag Lucien onto the boat when they left. Ben would be lying if he said Lucien didn't have a big part in why he came back to the boat, yes, all the campers did, and more than anything, realizing he already found himself and didnt need to stay did, but the idea of never seeing Lucien again and letting him deal with losing him again definitely played a huge part in it.

MantahCore and Island 2, electric Boogaloo-(this one may be the shortest because, quite frankly, I forgot half of what happens in s4/5)

The second island is certainly a time for Lucien, the fact that he thought they were finally going home just to end up on another goddamn island sending his mental state crashing all over again, absolutely horrified he was never going to see his family again. The night where theyre all around the campfire is where he's able to break down. Of course at first he doesn't want to, he doesn't want everyone to know how scared he is, but when he doesn't get up to yell with everyone else they all turn their attention to him, trying to get him to join them, and he does- in a sense. At first it starts as just the most bloodcurdling scream, but quickly turns to him venting out all the emotions he's held pent up for the past god knows how many months, yelling about how sick he is of being stuck on random islands and being terrified that by the time he does get home his father is going to be long gone and his sister isnt going to be lost somewhere in the foster system, or worse, with his grandmother. He screams about how guilty he feels leaving his little sister alone, fearing that she's going to lose the only two people she has left. He screams about how he's sick of fearing for his life and not being able to trust anyone, he screams about how he's so sick of not being able to sleep because the RARE times he feels safe enough to actually fall asleep he's riddled with nightmares, whether they be about his own death or the deaths of those he loves. He fully breaks down once its all out, just crumbling completely. Darius is the first to hug him, the part about his dad hitting hard, and it eventually turns into one group hug, which they quite honestly all needed.

After they find Mae, and realize the island is not as it seems, Lucien is able to calm down a tiny bit, he doesn't trust Mae fully, but he can also smell the autism on her which helps a little bit. This is also around when he gets the scar on his face, courtesy of a brad. Mae is able give him the stitches he needs, as well as cleaning and dressing the wound, Ben and Sammy not leaving his side for a second, which is exactly how Ben gets 4 tiny scars on his palm from Lucien digging his nails into his hand while he gets the stitches witjout any form of anesthetic or pain meds.

When Lil Eatie gets injured, Lucien immediately goes into caretaker mode, not caring about his safety and doing whatever he can to make sure she's okay. Of course Mae tries to stop him at first, but once she notices that Lil Eatie has started to trust Lucien, still acting like a literal trex, but also not trying to kill him when he brings her untampered food, she calms down.

Another dino Lucien bonds with on the island is Firecracker, immediately clicking with her and loving her in a similar way to Ben with Bumpy. Everything was fine until he saw Nash controlling her, seeing how scared and in pain she was seemed to flip a switch in him, all his bottled up emotions turning into anger. This is what started him on the path he's on now, where he's willing to do anything to protect dinosaurs.

Anything.

From that point on he just does whatever he can to bring Nash and Daniel down, refusing to let them proceed with controlling dinos and their dino fights for their own enjoyment, or anyone's for that matter. Lowk forgot what happens atp but he helps take them down with the others, joins Ben to get Kenji and Bumpy back, helps with the plan to get Daniel off the island, yeehaw.

And then they're rescued.

Returning to the mainland and aftermath

Lucien is absolutely terrified the whole ride back to mainland.

Everyone else is excited, happy to go back to their families (except Kenji), and Lucien is alone, not even sure if his father is alive, if his sister is okay, if he has a family to go home to. Ben does try and cheer him up, reassure him that his dad is okay and everything will work out, but ofc, Lucien is too afraid to really listen.

When they return to the mainland, his father isn't there. Everyone's parents are there to reunite with them, and Lucien is alone, hell, even Kenji gets invited into the Bowman family hug. This does cause panic on Lucien's end, but Ben quickly takes notice, introducing Lucien to his mom and asking if Lucien can try calling his dad with her phone. She ofc says yes, recognizing Lucien as one of her coworker's kids, and Lucien is able to call his father, who is alive, but in the hospital as his health has deteriorated due to Lucien being assumed dead.

Ms.Pincus ends up giving Lucien a ride to the hospital, as it's very close to Ben's home anyways, Lucien sees his dad and sister again, breaks down, introduces Ben to his family, all is well.

Lucien and Ben continue to see each other nearly daily, Ben visiting him and his family in the hospital whenever he can, as thats literally where Lucien and his sister live now.

Everything is okay for just under a year, then Lucien's father passes.

Lucien is a mess after his father's death, his mental health completely deteriorating now that his father is gone. He blames himself for his death, wondering if he never went to that camp, never caused him so much stress, that he'd still be here, but its too late, he went and his father is gone.

Luckily enough for Lucien and Mia, Ms.Pincus did make arrangements with Lucien's father to take Lu and his sister, as his father did NOT want them ended up with their grandmother or in the foster care system. Thankfully for them Ms.Pincus had always been interested in adopting, as Ben's birth took a toll on her health, but she was afraid that whoever she adopted could hurt Ben, so taking in two kids who she knew loved her boy and would never hurt him was easy.

(TW FROM THIS POINT ON FOR DRUG ADDICTION)

Lucien resorts to using after his father is gone, it's the only thing that can keep him from feeling so many emotions, from thinking about the what ifs and the fact that his father is dead. It keeps him numb. This is what leads him to his current place of work, the sanctuary kept him in check, not allowing drugs and keeping him busy, keeping him distracted. Was it the most safe? No, but neither was using.

It doesn't help that he and Ben get into an argument soon after he starts using, Ben getting mad at him for clinging onto him so hard and ending the argument with "Sometimes I wish you never moved in!"

This is when he disappears for 18 months, yes he lets everyone know he's leaving, but him going no contact definitely scares people, especially Ben. This is what leads to Ben going to the island with Mae, as he cannot handle going home to a house without Lucien.

Post leave of Absence, Pre CT, The birth of Luciben

Lucien comes back after 18 months, finally feeling okay enough to see those he loves again, ntm he misses them like crazy. Ben is relieved to see him but god is he pissed, pissed that Lucien just up and left him and Mia behind, pissed that he did nothing to let them know if he was okay, or even ALIVE. Ben doesn't know WHY he left though, and that does cause arguments, Ben nearly breaking down when Lucien tells him why he left. The fact that his words were the final straw makes him feel so guilty, the fact that he made Lucien feel that way when he was already going through so much absolutely tears him apart.

The n7 aren't as close anymore once Lucien comes back, and it takes a lot of getting used to, Lucien even trying to get them together only to be shot down nearly everytime, so he just- gives up. Ben notices that Lucien stops asking tk hang out, and while he was one of the ones guilty for shooting down plans, it does worry him that Lucien just stopped asking. Ben tries asking to hang out only to be shot down himself, leading to an argument where Lucien breaks down and admits he feels like he doesn't belong here anymore, and that he almost regrets coming back because it feels like no one wants him around anyways. This breaks Ben's heart as he was part of the people shooting him down. From this point on Ben makes it his mission to make plans whenever he can, trying desperately hard to get everyone back together at least once for Lucien's sake.

Luckily Brooklynn does come around, she travels the most and she's felt that loneliness before, so she does what she can to visit Ben and Lucien whenever she can, which is when Lucien starts bleaching his hair with her help, making it somewhat of a tradition that whenever she comes around they redo his roots.

Things start to get better, Ben and Lucien hanging out like they used to, this however brings up buried feelings for each other, and a few months after Lucien comes back, right before Ben's about to go to uni, Ben confesses that he loves Lucien, and ofc Lucien returns those feelings and bam, gay rights.

Everything is good for a while, Lucien and Ben are happy together (minus the fact that Ben is still in the closet so no one knows about them), and eventually Brooklynn finds out about them (its kinda hard to make an excuse for why you were caught locking lips with your "homie") and she's super supportive, leading to their lil "BBL" friend group.

This just makes Brooklynn's death so much worse.

Lucien relapses after Brooklynn is pronounced dead, even showing up at her funeral high (he couldn't do it otherwise), this causes issues of course, it getting to the point where Ben doesn't feel okay leaving Lucien alone, leaving uni in order to be with him constantly, afraid he's going to do something stupid. Not long after he gets the messages on dark jurassic, leading to him and Lucien lacking up and heading out to get the others, leading to the events of Chaos Theory.

Really quick CT rundown go read Secret for more details

Tl;dr, Ben fucks up by saying he has a gf instead of coming out, the events of Secret happen, Lucien goes with Kenji and Darius, they find out that Lucien also left messages for Brooklynn when he relapsed, he breaks down, Kenji and Darius help him calm down, then the rest of Secret happens abd they get on the boat, yeehaw.

This ended up being lowkey poorly written near the end cause I just wanted to get it out, but I will most likely be releasing more detailed fics to kinda give insight on the parts where it feels like there are missing details. I just need to finally lost this cause its been in my drafts for a month LMAO

#lucien jwct #lucien jwcc #he STILL NEEDS A LAST NAME #ben pincus #jurassic world chaos theory #camp cretaceous #jurassic world camp cretaceous #camp cretaceous chaos theory #jwct #jwcc #jwct oc #jwcc oc #oc #original characters #original character #oc lore #brooklynn jwct #brooklynn jwcc

12 notes · View notes

cleverthylacine · 5 months

Text

Ship and HC what you want--but I hate Ravage & Soundwave parent-child headcanons so much. I'm finally gonna say it. They can be adult best friends rather than lovers, but the family thing makes my skin crawl. Here's why.

The following is just my personal opinion. Everyone who reads this is free to engage with it, but I don't want to fight about it, and I am not trying to make anyone give up their headcanons, whether those are romantic, sexy, familial, or just friendly.

(The Ravage I write in my fics and RP, like ES Ravage, prefers she/her pronouns. I am aware that Ravage uses he/him in other continuities.)

I am really freaking uncomfortable with most of the common familial headcanons about Soundwave and Ravage, Soundwave and his cassettes in general, and the whole cassette thing. And I will also die screaming before I tag erotic content between two fully sapient beings as "bestiality".

I would rather think of Ravage and Soundwave as bonded lovers (and the birds as her siblings) then think of Soundwave as either of the following:

An Abusive Father who sends his own children directly into the heat of battle out to fight as child soldiers; or

A Large Adult Son who allows his parent and her siblings to be mutilated so he can drag her off into places like mining colonies and war zones, where she ministers to his emotional needs while also fighting for him in the heat of battle, and has no life or relationships of her own.

Because no matter how many cat memes you draw, neither of those things is cute. You have the right to ship whatever you want to ship same as me, but I don't want to read either dynamic.

He is NOT the single father of the year if he's yeeting his children onto battlefields.

He is NOT a good son if his mother is telepathically linked to him, programmed so that he can yeet her out into battlefields in less than a second, and unable to have any romantic or QP partnerships of her own.

If he is her lover (conjunx) or her QPP (amica), and the meeting they had in Rodion was a meeting of two neurodivergent adults who learned how to help and support each other in dealing with their disabilities, and they both want to be together even in the depths of hell, then they have a much less horrific and unhealthy relationship.

I was once made to play IDW Ravage as not Soundwave's partner in a dreamwidth game because they didn't like the ship, and she was a miserable, unhappy person who had given up her entire life to serve Soundwave and Megatron.

This really solidified my feelings about not just why I think their relationship is romantic and adorable, but also why I think a parental relationship between them, going in either direction, is incredibly fucking gross.

Making them mutually interdependent neurodiverse adults with complementary support needs, who love each other in a mature way or even an 'adult' way changes the narrative.

If Ravage is Soundwave's life partner, then the forced cassettification has imposed a power differential on them, but it is significantly lessened by the fact that they were already together and interacting as grown-ass adults who loved each other before that took place.

In other scenarios, she's being thrown by her father up against mechs 4 times her size, OR she's a devoted parent who has been emotionally enslaved by cassettification and can't even have an adult relationship of her own because who the hell is going to want to be her partner knowing that she has an unbreakable telepathic link with her son? And you can't really say she's trading this emotional labour for protection when he's yeeting her out into the front lines every third episode.

IDK, I think glorifiying parents who send their children to war and enmeshed parenting that renders someone an appendage to their child is a lot less problematic than letting them meet as adults and learn how to help one another.

Every time I see someone draw humanformer Soundwave and Ravage as a collared pet, I want to scream, but I don't, because everyone has the right to write and draw what makes them happy.

My friends know NOT to send me links to art that diminishes Ravage.

Ravage may look like a cat, but she passes the Harkness test, and her entire arc in IDW was about getting people to respect her as an equal despite the thing where she looks like a cat.

Her brain and spark are equal to that of any other Cybertronian. It's not bestiality. There's no reason a telepath would care more about the shape of her body than the feel of her mind.

I would rather think that she's getting love and respect and hot overloads from Soundwave than think that she's selflessly devoted to him and to Megatron for all of her days until Tarn locks her into that fucking refrigerator. Or think that she's a child soldier.

#ravage/soundwave #ravage & soundwave #suck on this antis #ship manifesto #ravage #tf ravage

17 notes · View notes

justepilepsy · 1 year

Text

Thoughts On Photosensitivity friendly versions

I've been thinking a lot about people suggesting a cut of spiderverse, that is more accessible to photosensitive people. And I think - I agree with the sentiment. I think it is on a whole a great idea to offer different versions/cuts of the same movie that cater to different needs and inaccessibilities. E.g. subtitles, closed captions, etcetc At the same time however, I think having these cuts on the go, would also require all DVD, BluRay, Streaming and cinema releases to make adequate space for screenings with those options. And I think this, while not impossible, will cause issues within distributor lines possibly. With Captions they don't take up much space on a Disc, but a new cut of e.g. the spiderverse movie with lessened effects would mean having a second or third disc possibly to fit the whole movie. The file space would be less of an issue on streaming services. Cinemas already tend to put sensory-friendly screenings with dimmed lights into the early portion of the day (child friendly). Forgetting that those screening times are inaccessible to most adult people who may also want to see the film in a theatre. A photosensitivity friendly cut of movies would be great, but there would also have to be awareness and space to be created for these screenings to take place. My second gripe with this solution, in regards to movies such as Avatar 2 - Way of Water, Spiderverse, Incredibles 2 and other highly strobing works is, that these films have not only been an issue to people who know that they have photosensitivity issues. This means, these films are so intense in their effects, that people who are normally fine watching movies and playing games, start to have issues. People who love the movies walk out with a headache. And I don't think that should be normal. So even with a photosensitivity friendly cut I think these movies in particular would benefit from giving non-disabled people no headaches or disorientation, but maybe that is just me. So... yes to photosensitive friendly cuts. but also yes to "lessen your damn flashing lights for the regular cut".

#movies #photosensitivity #actually epileptic #epilepsy #films #cinema #spiderverse #incredibles 2 #seizureverse #avatar 2 #avatar way of water

75 notes · View notes

looks-to-the-moon-cock · 1 month

Text

DID YOU STUMBLE INTO THE UNKNOWN, IN FEAR OF YOU?

(About Me)

[PT: In all caps and bolded reads, "Did you stumble into the unknown, in fear of you?" with the next line reading as follows, unbolded and in parentheses, "About Me". End of PT.]

Meowdy, howdy, hello hello! Welcome to my blog! This is my intro post!

(CW for sentence structure repetition in my about! Marked where it starts and ends!)

Quick Info: Kinship, They/It/Neopronouns, Intersex, Queer, December, Capricorn, Adult, White, Neurodivergent, Disabled, System, All Intro Images have IDs in Alt

My RBYF (Read Before You Follow) is included under the cut.

Stances: ACAB, BLM, Stop Asian Hate, Anti-Right Wing Extremeist, Anti-Nazi/Neo Nazi, Anti-Capitalist

Stances Ext.: Proudly Neurodivergent, Queer, and Plural. Also an angry Military Trained and Crippled Punk that supports Decolonization, Defunding the Police and Military, and crushing Fascists and Colonialists with boots, cane, and wheelchairs manually.

My Blog: I post about my special interests, hyperfixations, disabilities, and US low class and physically disabled experiences a lot here! Also I reblog my art from @death-tinkerer here to share since its my "love language" with mutuals, friends, and partners.

Credits of Art: Icon is by @death-tinkerer, Header is Rubicon's Region Screen from Rain World, LTTM and Rivulet are from Rain World, Rivulet gif is from the Rain World Miraheze Official Wiki, Live LTTM Reaction is an edit by me!

Please be aware I try my best to content warn posts! Mutuals may send in triggers and squicks for me to tag! If I miss something that I have tagged in the past, don't hesitate to tell me!

Important tags;

| | post - Posts I've made

| | reblog - Reblogs from other blogs or my own blogs

| | ask - Asks and Ask Memes

| | vent - Vent tag! Feel free to block.

Other "| |" tags - Related to people I know! Masterpost is BELOW the Live LTTM Reaction image!

My art - My art and also other creative media

Friendo arto - I don't even remember why I named it this tag but it's friend art that I reblog and tag with this!

Fandoms (limiting to SI and Hyperfixations)

Ace Attorney

The Blackout Club (is on thin fucking ice)

Darkest Dungeon

Dead Cells

Disco Elysium

DST

DOOM

Dungeon Meshi/Delicious in Dungeon (is on thin fucking ice)

Final Fantasy (7, 10, 10-2, 12, 13 Trilogy, 15) (is on thin fucking ice)

FNAF (is on thin fucking ice)

Homestuck (is on thin fucking ice)

Inscryption

Just Shapes and Beats

Kingdom Hearts (is on thin fucking ice)

Legend of Zelda (is on thin fucking ice)

Lobotomy Corporation (and related)

Minecraft

Mob Psycho 100

MLP

Rain World

Risk of Rain

Slime Rancher

Sonic

Super Mario Bros

Team Fortress 2

Undertale/Deltarune

Wobbledogs

Yakuza (Game Series)

The phrase "is on thin fucking ice" is my way of saying I have a super complicated relationship with the media so I tend to be super critical to those especially.

Topics (SI and Hyperfixations)

Ambience Music

Armorsmithing

Blacksmithing

Bladesmithing

Cafes

Cooking

Crystals

Dice

Disabilities (mostly my own)

Dragons

Fictional Species

Gardening

Marijuana/Weed

Mixed Genre Music

Queerness

Scifi Fantasy

Spirituality

Tabletop RPGs

Tarot Cards and related

Variety of Music in general

Read Before You Follow; I will block the following people with stances like these

are Transmed/Truscum or T(W)ERF/SWERF/FART

are Anti-kinfolk, Anti-fictionkin, Anti-MOGAI and LIOM

are Exclusionists (of any kind in plural, queer, physically disabled, mentally disabled, neurodivergent, etc circles and communities) (I.e. People who talk over others, exclude others because of anger caused by oppression, exclude "contradicting" labels and identities, and more)

are MAP/NOMAP/AAM

are Fujoshi

engaged in Bad Faith Discourse (i.e. discoursing only in bad faith about things you do not understand and discouraging critical and/or good faith discourse points)

engaged in Callout Post Culture (i.e. posting callouts in general UNLESS it is something well documented or documented unchanged behavior for well over a few years)

engaged in Ship Discourse (just don't be gross)

if you are or have been recently Intersexist towards intersex people regardless of identity.

practice DDLG/CCLG

support Thinspo/Proana

Think reverse oppression is real and ignore active erasure and deaths of minorities across the globe caused by (USA and European) colonialism. (example. Right Wing Extremeists, Nazis/Neo-Nazis, Fascists, Colonialists and Defenders, All Lives Matter, MAGA, Biden AND Trump supporters/defenders, JKR supporters/defenders, and a lot more so this will be liberal)

Think Amatopunk includes Incest/Consang

I would prefer Minors to not follow, send asks, or submit at all here. Following will result in a softblock. However, if you dont respect the softblock or other conditions, I will hardblock with no hesitation. Likes and RBs are hard to control, so just be considerate that I am an adult that wants primarily interactions with other adults.

Expansion of MY Stances: -(Sentence Structure Repetition CW)-

Trans Rights are Human Rights. Intersex Rights are Human Rights. All Queer Rights are Human Rights. Black Rights are Human Rights. Asian Rights are Human Rights. All POC Rights are Human Rights. Muslim Rights are Human Rights. Jewish Rights are Human Rights. Religious Rights are Human Rights. Immigrant Rights are Human Rights. Indigenous Rights are Human Rights. Ethnic Rights are Human Rights. Physically Disabled Rights are Human Rights. Neurodiverse Rights are Human Rights. All Disability, Condition and/or Other Differences Rights are Human Rights. -(CW end)-

The rich, white, ablebodied and minded, cishetallonormative people (mostly men) do not get to dictate our lives as human beings. We can stand united as minorities and fight for a better future together. We can all fight if we just uplift each other and help each other. By existing and thriving, we fight them directly. So let us be together to change things for the better. Let us do more direct change together.

I am allowed my own space and to reply to stuff if I feel like I have input that could be helpful. HOWEVER. If you think I was rude but want to better understand my point, just ask immediately. I never mean to be rude. It is just my default for giving advice and explaining can be beyond blunt and harsh due to how language has worked for me as a result of brain damage and severe CPTSD.

Feel free to also correct me if I have been wrong about something! I don't mind corrections and will correct myself from then forward.

I may have missed some things but this is just to say, I can and will update from time to time.

This is the "Masterpost" of all my mutual tags! If you'd like one and/or do not see you mentioned, Lemme know! (I can try to change tags too, I just like naming the tags myself lol)

Me:

"#| | meat suit" - Info about me OR aesthetic stuff

"#mecore" or "#me" - Stuff I like a lot and associate with Special Interests and Hyperfixations.

Closest to:

"#| | bunhun" - @scrybe-of-the-dreamworld

"#| | jackjack" - @beware-the-dog

"#| | eggcellents" - @coffeecereal

Friends:

"#| | butterfly-scholar" -

"#| | cold-as-ice" -

"#| | invaderz" - @anewed-hope

"#| | manorbuddy" - @elysiangroom

"#| | meatastic" - @molochzmeat

"#| | orb-ponderer" - @mobianheart2008

"#| | synthetic-humanoid" -

Mutuals:

"#| | disco-nnected" - @bathroomcube

"#| | re-iteration" - @lemboweeeee

"#| | cripplefunk" - @crippled-peeper

"#| | rattled-snake" - @lemon-snake

That is all! Thank you for your time, Mutuals!

Also here's an 18+ intersex only server I am running! ♡

this is the end, did you find what you are looking for? /j

[PT: The text reads "this is the end, did you find what you are looking for? /j." End of PT.]

#| | meatsuit #me #mecore

8 notes · View notes