#do people not know that feminine wlw exist?

[iamchickenhearmesquawk]

Saw a few people saying they think Haley seems the most “straight coded” out of all of the bachelorettes which is actually crazy to me.

[thisismisogynoir]

I’m glad more ppl are calling out the tropes of interracial relationship btwn poc/ white where they have the brown skin one be taller and masculine and aggressive/ protective while the white one is seen as small, fragile, feminine and need protection. Especially in regards to monsters where the werewolf is the poc and the white one is the rich vampire. I love the idea of poc werewolves but not when they’re seen as animalistic, more aggressive and masculine. Like the poc can be a werewolf but short and soft and kind meanwhile her vampire can be white but more animalistic because vampire can shapeshift into different animals beside 🦇

Clawdeen Wolf is the only Black lesbian/girl werewolf I accept. /hj

But yeah otherwise I agree. I have a post about this very phenomenon lying around on here. Either on this log or princessefemmelesbian, but I can’t find it, to my dismay. I do remember tho that I reblogged it from @lesbianslasherfilm, so if anyone else finds it, then please let me know!

I just hate the masculinization of Black women in general but especially in wlw ships with lighter/white/non-Black women, it’s gross and unnerving that people think that Black women can only be the “man” of the relationship. Never the feminine partner as they don’t want us to outshine the non-Black woman. I once saw a webcomic about a lesbian princess couple. Of course the Black princess was the strong masculine knight and the white princess was the girly sweet damsel in distress. 🙄 Also heard that some nb/white/light-skinned wlw seek out only Black female partners who are masculine or butch or try to force their Black femme partners into those roles. It’s sad. But I don’t let those attitudes define me, Black femmes exist, no matter what. And there is a space for us. We will always thrive.

[anonymouscheeses]

Yo I got a question. Chaggie or chaggily? WHICH IS BETTER! THE PEOPLE WANNA KNOW!!

OH GAWSHH!!

NOOO!! WHY DID YOU ASK THIS??

Oh my gooddneesss this is hard. AAAAAA

I first shipped Chaggie like most chaggily shippers. And uhhhh, when Emily showed up I IMMEDIATELY fell in love with the potential poly. Gawsh... tbh I can barely choose. But like I do prefer some choices and potential stuff over the other sometimes.

Like for Chaggie I love that we have an already established relationship that is healthy but not perfect to make it more interesting. Like they have their own problems they need to focus on and I love that they can do that together. The angst? The fluff? A wlw relationship not toxic, sexualized, nor is one super masculine and the other super feminine where it's rlly jst a str8 ship(no offense to those ships I jst like when they both still show atleast a bit femininity imo), and it's the main ship??? Helll fckjnn yess that shit is everything to me and so much more. I barely get that and I cherish it sooo much when it exists in media. In my blog it is FILLED with chaggie content and an AU I made specifically jst to indulge in them even more.

Then Emily is added to the mix... THE POTENTIAL IS SOO CRAZYY I LOVE THE THREE OF THEM. And I'm a sucker for polyamorous ships. If yall know sashannarcy, that was my first ever time I shipped more than 2 people before. And then poly dokis(DDLC). From then on I can't function without one poly relationship to fawn over 😭

Another thing about Chaggily, is that it has so much more interesting things to go through than Chaggie alone has. Two people from hell dating an angel? Imagine the angst. And if anyone from heaven, especially Sera, were to find out that Emily was dating people from hell, what would happen? It's probably a touchy subject to be dating two people at all, but demons? Almost no one would accept that and she could well be casted off to hell.

Having saying that....

I'm gonna have to pick Chaggie‼️😭

IM SORRY!! BUT LIKE.... I think I just need more on screen interactions with Charlie, Vaggie, and Emily then maybe I would choose it. But right now I don't have much content to consume to feed the void 😔. BUT! But I do think Chaggily is so so SO much more interesting than Charlie and Vaggie, it's technically a pre-established relationship and would stand out from other ships in the show due to it being polyamorous. So then likely more people would be interested in it and maybe even become other people's favorite. But right now? We don't have much to go off of except headcanons and fan-made work.

Chaggily will always be in my heart tho 🥹🥹

[t4tstarrailing]

As someone who thinks they might be a stone top, I’d love to hear more of your thoughts on them because there really isn’t a lot of x readers that fit that category

finally getting around to answering this because something crazy hasn't come up.

stone tops are fucking fantastic. i love stone tops. for people who don't fully know what a stone top is, a stone top is someone who strictly only gives in sex. so topping, oral, fingering, etc. but never receiving and this can be due to a plethora of reasons. it can be due to sexual trauma, dysphoria, whatever, and each person has an individual boundary. so, for example, one might be okay with having lie their hips touched, but another may say "absolutely no touch at all unless i am the one initiating it". each stone top has different boundaries and restrictions, but ultimately it's all about the person you're talking to. you can also be a sub stone top if you're introducing power dynamics, and you can even be a stone top for a power bottom.

note: some people think this is relegated to only butches and mascs, but stone femmes also exist and are very much loved. no matter what someone tells you, topping does not equate gender identity or gender presentation!

this may not be exactly what you were looking for anon, but the reason you don't see a lot of "stone top" type readers is because fandoms are very very cisheteronormative despite liking to act like this bastion of queer sex and identity lol. the majority of the x reader community consists of cishet sex, so the concept of "stone" doesn't apply in these situations. and, chances are, people that do write mlm, wlw, etc. aren't fully aware of "stone" identities or, in worse case scenario, mock them for being weird or "too much" in terms of boundaries. fandoms in general are uhhhhhh very weird about atypical queer presentations that deviate too much from "the norm" (eg. the smaller and more feminine one is typically the bottom, the bigger and most masculine one is typically the top), if i'm gonna be frank with you.

i have a few characters that i write/headcanon as being stone tops, and i'll probably make an entirely separate post for them because i don't want to clog up the tags with this whole post lol. ik i've written blade in the past as a t4t strict top and, looking back at it, he's definitely a stone top lol.

characters i see as a stone top in one way or another: trans!m!blade (t4t), trans!m!luka (leans towards t4t), sugilite (he is a strict stone top to me atm, but i am still debating on gender stuff with him), pre-bottom surgery trans!m!jing yuan, trans!m!gallagher (debating on making him a bear or a trans masc butch or both), trans!m!ratio (when i used to write for him), trans!f!soft butch sunday, trans!f!high femme robin, i could see trans!f!kafka being a stone top in some situations tbh, ruan mei

i also personally love the idea of a stone top!reader with a power bottom!capitano. stone top!reader/pillow princess!feixiao and stone top!reader/pillow prince(ss)!arlecchino are also great dynamics imho.

for shits and giggles, here's my pillow princess/prince headcanons: trans!f!himeko, post bottom surgery trans!m!jing yuan (he's a vers, but when he bottom he doesn't do anything), black swan, aventurine borders on a pillow prince with partners that he's really comfortable with, i could also see kafka being a bit pillowy if i'm gonna be honest lol, trans!f!luocha, feixiao, arlecchino

let me know if there was anything specific you were wanting to know my thoughts on anon!

[thunder-pride]

This week's activity is the Colour Palette Challenge!!!🌈

Send eachother a subject (character, vehicle, location, ect.) and a pride flag pallete and draw and create to your heart's content.

Underneath the cut will be some simple rundowns for each identity featured in this year's pallete challenge for anyone who is unsure of what they are or just wants to learn more. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Unlabled - An identity where someone either can't/doesn't want to label their gender and/or sexuality.

Achillian - Men and masc aligned people who are attracted to other men and masc individuals. Also known as MLM or Men Loving Men.

Aroace - An identity where an individual doesn't feel sexual or romantic attraction. Also known as aromantic asexual.

Transmasc - Also known as transmasculine refers to someone who feels their gender is masculine. People who come under the transmasc label may be: trans men & trans boys, demiboys and non-binary individuals.

Omnisexual - A sexuality where someone is attracted to more than one gender, it is often compared to pansexual but the gender of the person they're attracted to plays a role in how that attraction is felt.

Alloace - An identity where someone feels romantic attraction but not sexual attraction. They may be homoromantic asexual, biromantic asexual, panromantic asexual, heteroromantic asexual, ect.

Queer - A label refering to anyone who is not straight and/or cisgender. It is a reclaimed slur, anyone in the lgbtqia+ community may decide to use this term to describe themselves but not everyone is comfortable using it for themselves.

Agender - An identity where someone feels like their gender is completely neutral or non existent.

Sapphic - Women and feminine aligned people who are attracted to other women and femme individuals. Also known as WLW or Women Loving Women.

Demigender - A gender identity where someone only feels a partial connection to a gender or feels kind of but not fully a certain gender. Demiboy and Demigirl come under the demigender label.

Alloaro - An identity where someone feels sexual attraction but not romantic attraction. They may be homosexual aromantic, bisexual aromantic, pansexual aromantic, heterosexual aromantic, ect.

Transfemme - Also known as transfeminine, refers to someone who feels their gender is feminine. People who come under the transfemme label may be: trans women & trans girls, demigirls and non-binary individuals.

Bigender - A gender identity where someone feels connected to two genders or more. This could be, male and female, male and non-binary, female and agender ect.

Dealer's choice or pick your own (bonus pallete) - if a flag you want isn't in this year's challenge, or if you don't know what pallete to pick you can send this option to who ever is taking part in the challenge.

Here's a link to last year's pallete challenge for more options.

[clonehub]

Hi, I saw your post about blonde hair and whiteness being associated with good and dark hair and poc features being associated with evil and I don’t know if it’s the same or derailing so I won’t reblog it with this addition but it kind of reminds me of a similar thing, where whiteness and lighter features are associated with femininity and darker ones and poc features with masculinity. And I know femininity isn’t inherently “good” nor masculinity “evil” but it’s something I’ve noticed that gets me upset. How female characters whether human or otherwise will often be lighter than their male counterparts, how most heterosexual interracial relationships will have the girl be lighter skinned or white, and the boy be darker skinned or a poc, and how most lesbian/sapphic couples will have the more feminine partner be lighter-skinned/white while the more masculine partner will be darker-skinned/poc, for example Lumity and Catradora and some other examples(and this is no shade to either of those ships because I like them both a lot but it is a trend that exists a lot). There are some exceptions such as Revolutionary Girl Utena and The Prom but they are rarer in comparison.

Stuff like this leads to woc and especially Black women, but ESPECIALLY those with darker skin being seen as less feminine than white women or nbwoc. In lots of Black media the Black women are all lighter skinned with looser curls and lighter eyes and are often played by biracial actresses(usually half-white), while the Black men are darker-skinned and played by fully-Black actors. Likewise, straight interracial relationships featuring a Black partner almost always have the male partner be Black. And if it’s a Black woman in a wlw ship the non-white partner will be more feminine than she is. A lot of Black femmes and other woc femmes with dark skin often don’t feel femme enough because the standards for femininity often bleed into the lesbian community where everyone’s prototypical idea of a femme lesbian is white and slim. I even saw some stories of young Black girls not being allowed to be the princess in a school play because “Black girls can’t be princesses” similar to how someone said that a Black girl couldn’t play an angel in a play but the white girls could. It’s as if the standard for femininity is whiteness which leads a lot of Black girls and women to feel like feminine enough because they are too dark and idk it is something to think about. I hope this isn’t missing the point of your og post or anything but I feel like it is worth mentioning. I’m sure they’re are lots of videos on it too. It’s so unfair.

No you're totally right! I think something that cis people like to do is ascribe morality to femininity and masculinity. and it's not always F = Good and M = Bad because obviously femininity in men and masculinity in women are punished extremely violently, but they do play into (feminine) innocence a lot while also playing into the colorist/racist idea that lightness equals morality. hence why often times when someone is described as angelic or the epitome of innocence, the character will be a blonde haire blue eyed girl, specifically. and other times when, even if she doesn't have that pheontype, she's still a girl.

you also see it in the conded (and sometimes not) "women and children = innocent" framing that people will use to draw sympathy for a terrible phenomena.

And like I said, there's lots of times where masculinity is the standard for morality and femininity isn't (like the masculine aloofness versus the feminine emotionality). but in America especially (where I am currently) how we view masculinity, femininity, gender neutrality, and everyhting in between is inextricably linked to race and white supremacy. what makes a manly man and a womanly woman and a deviant of these binary ideals has a lot to do with white christian views on sex, gender, and sexuality.

and i could talk about this for ages but we'd be here all day ksajhflsakj

[tirfpikachu]

unfollow for saying males can be lesbians 👍 lesbians don’t love feminine souls or whatever. we are same sex attracted females :/

that's totally fair. this is ofc very controversial, but as a lesbian who supports transmascs who openly live as gay men post-transition and face what gay men face from there on out and thus gain a lot from having gay men-specific spaces, i would support the same for transfem nonbinary ppl and trans women. transfems can't be homosexual lesbians in the technical sense, but they can live lesbian-typical lives and if lesbian, or at least transbian, makes sense for their lived experiences then i personally don't mind it.

i think some lesbian spaces can be female homosexual-exclusive. i think some gay men spaces can be male homosexual-exclusive. i also think that there can be bigger spaces where anyone who experiences consistent gay men experiences from living socially as a gay man, and anyone who experiences consistent lesbian experiences from living socially as a lesbian woman, could seek out people with parallel experiences. i don't believe lesbians love feminine souls or whatevs. i believe that someone can live as a woman and/or be female, and be only attracted to people who live as women and/or are female. so technically be bisexual, but also exclusively date ppl who live as women and/or were born female. to me it's about tangible experience and non-homosexuals being respectful and staying in their lane when needed. they don't understand all of our experiences, but they have immigrated into our lived experiences and now face what we face from strangers when they go out with their gf and are seen as wlw and when they refuse a man saying they're not into men but still get harassed into trying dick. not every trans person is able to ever reach the point of actually living lesbian/gay experiences, many don't pass and should be mindful of that. but many also do. and not the type that get their pics shared around on radblr who obviously don't pass -- which as a side note i also don't like, appearance-shaming and mocking dysphoric people will never help the radfem movement. but yeah, more trans ppl than you think pass as the opposite sex. and the average person hasn't seen the amount of trans ppl we in spaces high in trans people have seen, so the average person will assume someone's sex/agab and treat them accordingly if they have the right secondary sex characteristics. that means technically heterosexual people can face regular homophobia/lesbophobia and they deserve support too, they deserve community. this doesn't mean they get to demand ALL of our communities, but to me, as a detrans lesbian, i don't mind non-misogynistic, homosexual-respecting transbians the same way i don't mind non-homophobic trans gay men. there are a lot of creeps and bigots, but not all of them are. i'd welcome a radfem-friendly transbian anytime at my dyke cafe meetups 👍 and yeah, if she shows male-typical misogyny she's 100% gonna get the boot, but honestly i'm too curious to know what the experience of immigrating into lesbianism is for a male person to refuse. and i care about everyone affected by lesbophobia. i still want my female-only meetups too, and it's a case-by-case basis thing, but i wouldn't say that transbians existing and labelling their experiences that way is inherently evil or that transfem-inclusive lesbian spaces are bringing great shame to dykes everywhere or whatever. it's okay to agree to disagree with me, though. my spicy takes sometimes r too spicy >:]

[somethingclevermahogony]

I'll shoot you one back for Worldbuilding Wednesday, and because it's valentines day, why not make it romantic? How do marriages happen in your world? Betrothals? Are there any specific cultural or religious traditions?

Marriage in two lands of the Green Sea

In most parts of the Green Sea, marriage is arranged, typically by the family. I will focus on just two lands, Kishetal and Ikopesh. I make some references to other lands in this post, if you would like to learn more about them specifically, let me know!

For the purposes of this post, I will be using typically gendered language such as men and women to refer to all individuals exhibiting or actively primarily participating in either masculine or feminine behavior respectively, which is not limited to cis people, but may also include trans people and some non-binary individuals. Gender-Fluid folk and other Gender Queer individuals who do not fall as neatly into a masculine or feminine do exist throughout these lands, though how they are treated when it comes to the realm of marriage, may vary greatly depending on a number of factors.

Kishetal

Marriage is typically determined between the heads of families, being in most cases, arranged. Though this is not always the case and on rare occassions, two people may propose to one another directly. It is traditional to propose via gifts like flowers, perfume, jewelry, and food. There are no cultural stipulations on which partner proposes to who and it is quite common for women to propose to men.

Most girls are wed between the ages of 17 and 24. It is considered taboo for a girl to be wed to a man over ten years her senior. As such most pairings are made for men between the ages of 16 and 34. Cultural traditions in the Mountainous Eastern regions believe that children should be born no less than one year after marriage. As such for the first three months of an Eastern Kishic marriage, it is not unusual for a cousin, parent, or sibling to stay with the newlywed couple to ensure that no accidents happen. This period is referred to as “Tilling the Field.” The day when intercourse is finally permitted is often the subject of much celebration, almost acting as a second wedding in and of itself. Such practices do not appear in other regions of Kishetal and are often the subject of ridicule.

Marriage between men is rare in Kishetal, though no city-state has declared it illegal, in much the same way as the Order of Nur in Apuna, many of the priests of the river God Jarmaha often practice ritual marriage and courtship. Outside of the realm of temple life. Marriage between Kishic men is most common in the cities and between soldiers. As has been previously stated, there is no law in any Kishic city that forbids mlm marriages; however, many marriages come with stipulations. In many of the mountain cities, married couples must pay an Unseen Child tax; that is to say, they must pay or produce (depending on the occupations of the couple) the equivalent revenue or product which could have been made by a child, which is most typically calculated as a third of the normal tax or production burden. No such law exists for couples in which both partners are infertile or if the lovers are sages. 

There is a rich underground sub-culture in Kishic cities which revolve around queer women and other queer groups. This culture is responsible for a widely popular and celebrated style of dance theater known as Storm Step. The style of theater is almost entirely non-verbal and rather is dependent on facial and bodily expression. The dances are performed on hollow wooden platforms, producing loud thundering sounds, thus giving the style of theater its name. Unlike most styles of theater in Kishetal, Storm Step is entirely dominated by women, and more often then not pairs of sapphic lovers. In some instances entire troupes may form polyamorous unions. Though wlw relationships are typically seen as taboo, these productions are incredibly popular among Kishic nobles.

While wlw marriages are banned in most Kishic cities, there are exceptions on the southern coast. There, in several of the small villages, Kishic and foreign women may be married. These Sea-Foam marriages, much like the Apunian River Maiden marriages are typically not accepted outside of their communities.

Marriage customs vary wildly between regions, in the plains and south it is typical for the betrothed couple to be brought to their marriage site on ox drawn chariots, however this practice is less practiced in the less uneven mountainous regions of the north and east.

Flowers are used to excess in weddings, petals are preserved in massive quantites so as to allow for their use in winter and fall.

Gift giving to the couple is traditional as is the consumption of wine an beer.

It is typical in Kishic weddings, for vows to be sealed with a dance, the exact nature of this dance is not stipulated and will vary from person to person.

Poly-weddings are unheard of and considered highly taboo in most aspects of Kishic culture, however this has not stopped the formation of many poly relationships, particularly among the pirates and sailors of the western coast.

Ikopesh

Ikopesh is rare in that arranged marriages are almost non-existent, and almost entirely the result of chosen betrothal between two or more individuals.

Typically a betrothal consists of the giving of some sort of gift, often a weapon or boat. As with Kishetal, there is no gendered expectation of who should initiate the betrothal.

Weddings are massive and typically raucous events involving feasting, drinking, dancing, and games of combat and maritime prowess.

It is tradition for the newlyweds to share a single utensil, this includes plates, cups, bowls, spoons, and knives, during the course of the celebration. This is the case even for weddings which involve multiple partners.

Ikopesh is often considered a safe haven for queer individuals. There are no laws that differentiate or add stipulations to any sort of marriage. And indeed, many Ikopeshi men may have multiple marriages to multiple men and women. The most lauded form of Ikopeshi poetry are Sea-Ballads, love songs typically sung between male lovers. 

Ikopeshi weddings, regardless of the gender of the participants, are long and drawn-out affairs, sometimes lasting up to a week. Central to these weddings is the creation of a vessel called a unity ship. Built by both the couple and their families, a unity ship must be a fully functional boat, typically a small sailing vessel. It is considered traditional for the partners to create the sail themselves. At the end of the wedding, the partners are expected to sail the unity ship. If the ship sinks or takes on water, it is considered an ill omen for the future of the relationship.

It is not at all unusual for an mlm couple to adopt or be given a niece or nephew to raise as their own child. Indeed an infant or else the promise of an infant from a brother, sister, or cousin is a common wedding gift. Such gifts must be carefully planned amongst the families, however, as it has happened on several occasions that a newlywed Ikopeshi couple is given several infants.

As with mlm relationships, Ikopesh is extremely open and lax when it comes to relationships between women. Marriages between mlm couples and wlw couples are functionally identically, typically consisting of the creation of the Unity Boat and the gifting of an infant. Though all Ikopeshi peoples grow their hair long, the braiding of the hair has become a popular element of sapphic marriages, with Ikopeshi women braiding the hair of their in-laws as a sign of respect. 

There is a tradition among woman pirates on Ikopeshi ships to produce what is called, a wail, or Ahlu. Each ship has a different call. The Ahlu is made while a victim ship is being attacked and boarded and is meant to terrify the crew of the enemy vessel. Ships with larger portions of women, such as those with several wlw couples or partnerships on board, produce eerie harmonic calls which fill the stories of Kishic and Korithian sailors. These Ikopeshi women, are known by Kishic sailors as Wailers or Sea-Demons.

Ikopeshi culture has no taboo against polyamorous behavior before marriage. After marriage, acting outside of the bond is considered highly taboo unless agreed upon by all parties.

There is no provision in Ikopeshi culture which states that marriage must only be between two individuals, rather it must be between two parties. This is to say 1 person may marry 1 person, or 1 may marry a group of 2, 2 may marry 2, 3 may marry 1, etc. In each instance the marriage is between the collective group, as such if one person were to marry into a group of three, they are necessarily marrying all three people as a single entity, and the same is true should they leave. And in the case of these Grand Weddings all individuals in the relationship must be in agreement. The largest married group consisted of twenty-seven individuals. Such large groups are rare, and most Ikopeshi marriages are between two to four people. The purpose of marriage is primarily focused on property. Married groups share the rights to land, ships, children, livestock, etc.

Asexuality and Celibacy are both accepted by the tribes of Ikopesh, almost universally. There is no Ikopeshi religious or philosophical tradition that demands celibacy. Unlike in some cultures, a lack of sex or the production of children is not a requirement of marriage and is thus not a respectable grounds for separation so long as the sexual interests and needs of both parties are confirmed before the marriage.

Those who don’t marry or produce children, whether through choice or circumstance often become what is commonly called Green Parents. Green Parents act as secondary guardians or caretakers for their community’s children, particularly when parents are away whether at sea or in the field. Those who become Green Parents are typically no longer permitted to leave the islands. In exchange, Green Parents are dearly celebrated, often showered with gifts and adoration during festival seasons.

[biracy]

abt your post abt bi women belonging in the wlw community just as much as lesbians : i was reading the replies and youre so right abt how ignorant people are abt what comphet really is. im a lesbian and like yea i think we would experience comphet in the most intense way since were not attracted to men in any level, but comphet isnt only abt that, its a symptom of the patriarchy forcing women to center men in their lives and hell even straight women experience comphet, let alone bi women. people just have thrown around the word comphet so much they dont even know the true meaning

I was actually gonna post abt this soon LMAO so yeah!! I think it's also a misunderstanding of what "heterosexuality" as a dominant social force is to say that lesbians who are not attracted to men can experience "comphet", but bisexual women who are attracted to men cannot experience it. "Heterosexuality" as it is defined by dominant social forces is not only "a relationship between a man and a woman" - it's almost always a relationship between a "masculine" man and a "feminine" woman, and quite often a relationship between a man and a woman that results in monogamous marriage and childbirth. When people write about comphet, they're not talking about how movies and TV and fairy tales and children's books and my parents and my teachers and my religion all came together and told me to want to fuck genderfucky bi guythings. There is a specific kind of man centered in the heterosexuality enforced onto women, and a specific kind of role that a woman is expected to take on in that heterosexuality. I think the idea that bi people (women especially) cannot experience "comphet" overlaps a lot with people who believe that all bisexual people have the capability to become "straight-passing" if they enter different-gender relationships, which is in and of itself based on, in my observances, the belief that "gay/lesbian culture" and "bisexual culture" are completely distinct and that bisexual people are in some way innately less capable of being gender-nonconforming (or as some Tumblr scholars will call it, "visibly queer"). Bisexual people often date each other, we're often trans and/or visibly gender-nonconforming, and that's not something that we can just turn off the minute we enter into a quote unquote "heterosexual relationship." I'm bisexual, I'm nonbinary and id as both a man and a woman (so I take part in all these "sapphic" conversations etc etc u know the drill), I'm weird and kinky and switchy, I'm polyamorous, right now I'm dating a cis butch bi girl and a trans + nonbinary pan guy. At this point in my life I have absolutely no interest in relationships with cishet men, I don't want to get monogamously married, I never want to have children. I have not performed heterosexuality any better than, idk, a "gold star lesbian" has, and I FEEL it, I'm given shit for it, every relative I have pressures me already about boyfriends and grandkids and whatever. I do think there are bisexual people sometimes who do conform more to Straight Society but a) I think there are an equal amount of gay guys and lesbians who conform to Straight Society tbqh and b) it doesn't cover the breadth of bisexual people who do exist and who do feel the pressure to conform to the mainstream, dominant social system of heterosexuality and who CANNOT conform to it any more than you, anon, probably can. So yeah TL;DR bi girls can definitely experience "comphet" lmao and people are probably gonna hate that I said that

[redheadbigshoes]

https://www.tumblr.com/star-anise/655982040352784384/femme-bi-women-married-to-men-still-have-stories

If you’re cool with it and all I’d like to hear your tag in it bc this is driving me crazy ngl

like okay yeah there was overlap but like

That’s because they didn’t think bi people existed? like that’s why they got lumped in with lesbians

lesbianism atkeast niw is an identity that excludes attraction to men

and femme and butch…like idk. nowadays those labels just seem to mean that?? butch refers to a lesbian who’s masculine and femme is a lesbian who’s feminine and those are important words to have because who you are attracted to can affect gender identity and presentation and femmes (as in, lesbians) specifically ARE unique because they are feminine but not attracted to men. this would create an important separation between bi and lesbian women because the lesbians do not want men to approach them and most of the time will not want men to be attracted to them (I know like male validation is a craving some have but) whereas bi girls might actually still want that and dress in a way to appeal to men. the lesbians also will get clocked as straight a lot of the time because they don’t dress gender nonconforming

When it comes to the lesbian label it’s literally that: the reason we used to be grouped as the same thing was because of bi erasure and biphobia.

Still grouping us as the same even though there is another word that describes all wlw (sapphic) is biphobic and lesbophobic. It erases the fact that both bi sapphics and lesbians are two separate and unique identities and it ignores the fact we do face different issues and experiences. Not to mention it completely erases the fact that lack of attraction to men is a huge part of a lesbian’s identity.

About femme/butch though I do know those terms are connected with lesbian history, I don’t think I am the right person to explain why it shouldn’t be used by non-lesbians. I remember someone made a great post pointing out all the reasons why they’re lesbian-only terms, but unfortunately I cannot find it.

[theinvisiblemuseum]

☕️ opinions on hmmmmmm cottagecore lesbianism (<- person who wants 2 see u be a hater)

i really truly love you for encouraging my haterism because BOY am i in the mood !

in short: cottagecore lesbianism is the bane of my existence.

at length, see below:

in the corner of my minds eye every single fucking day is that one post that says “mlm belong in dark academia wlw belong in cottagecore” and that’s what ignites my righteous fury to keep on keeping on with my deplorable lesbian agenda.

stoppppppp parroting terfy gender essentialist phrasing and buzzwords in the effort to appear More Woke Than Ever I FUCKING BEGGGGGGGG. ALL YOU’RE DOING IS SWINGING SO FAR LEFT YOU END UP ON THE RIGHT.

cottagecore lesbianism is sooo real because “sapphic love is so inherently soft and ethereal and spiritually divine” shut the FUCK UP actually i’m a nasty dyke who’ll eat pussy and show u my teeth and actually i’ll fuck you up just as badly as those nasty nasty men you’re retreating to my soft feminine arms to be free of 😁

the same cottagecore lesbian enthusiasts often idealize lesbianism bc they see lesbians as a conduit of purity and they’re fine with the idea of girls kissing so long as girls aren’t also fucking and fighting and doing anything outside the sanctity of hand holding and cuddling and being untouched by the dirty nasty hands of the patriarchy or whatever the fuck and i simply do not vibe with that on a molecular level so i’ll fight to my dying day to scrape cottagecore lesbianism to the core of the earth and let it fester and burn evermore

let women be feminine. ok. let women be masculine. let women not be women. let women do whatever the fuck they want. respect the lesbians who came before you and fought for your right to say stupid shit on tiktok about how femme lesbians are the One True Repressed group who needs to be saved from the scary boydykes. and i say this as a lesbian who’s relatively femme presenting.

maybe the yearning for cottagecore is because you’ve never actually been outside and interacted with real people before, and my opinion is that you should grow the fuck up and do that instead of projecting your internalized homophobia and misogyny into an idealized set of hot blonde white girls who look but don’t touch, because as we all know lesbianism is ok insofar that it’s a set of pinterest images and not an ACTUAL identity :)

[thisismisogynoir]

If i may hope into your inbox rq to rant,i think there's a special kind of masculinazation queer black women go through specifically.There's this weird thing white cis wlw have where they automatically assume 'black women with a queer gender/orientation=masculine presentation' even if the bw in question is blatantly femme(remember the tomboy Megan Thee Stallion allegations💀)and it's highkey insane how they can't wrap their heads around the fact that black women can be girlypops and softgirls as much as any other queer women and i can only imagine how much worse it is for femme black trans women

Like for me i'm bigender and genderfluid along with being bi so i understand why people would assume i want to be masc on first meeting but a quick look at my blog or talking with me will make it very obvious i'm a dude but not the slightest bit masculine and that's absolutely influenced by my black womanhood but white woman fragility makes the idea of unlearning misogynoir 'scary'🙄Ntm my white trans girl friends have been way more normal about me and guys like me than cis girls so that adds to my opinion that transfem and black woman friendships are almost inherent and the overlap between transmisogyny and misogynoir.They think it's 'allyship' but the thing is almost no black woman ever asks to be masculineized

All of this is so true!!!

And then there's the fact that whenever you see Black wlw rep in media, they are almost always butch/stud or on the androgynous/masculine side, and while that does deserve rep, you hardly see femme Black wlw nearly as much, especially when they're paired with a non-Black or lighter-skinned Black girl who will almost always be the femme to their butch, it feels like Black wlw almost never get to be the feminine one.

A lot of white wlw I've seen tend to assume that Black wlw must be masculine, often so that they can be the more feminine one and it's unfair. Plus I feel like Black femme lesbians in particular face a DOUBLE form of femme invisibility that other femmes do not, because while femmes in general are read as straight or seen as having straight-passing privilege(which we do not), Black femmes often face both where we are assumed to be straight feminine girls or we are seen as not being "lesbian" enough because we're femme when Black lesbians must be studs. And it's unfair. And also I wish there was a term specifically for Black femme lesbians the way Black masc lesbians have stud, that was common and widespread, but I also just know that if a term like that did exist, then it would just be co-opted by non-Black femmes anyway, just like non-Black mascs try to do with stud.

I feel too that my femmeness is def influenced by my Black womanhood as well so I see where you're coming from. And I also agree that Black girls and trans girls(esp Black trans girls) should be friends because our oppression, although not identical, has a lot in common on the grounds that we are both denied womanhood by the white gender binarist society.

I wish this was a thing people talked about more, a lot of people act like femmes don't have any unique problems or that we are privileged for being straight-"passing" or having "so much representation" in media, when that is not the case and especially ignores the reality of being a femme of color, especially a Black femme who has to fight to be allowed to embrace her femininity and not be seen as man-lite due to white supremacy. I feel like only other femmes and butch lesbians care about our struggles but that the wider non-lesbian/non-wlw society doesn't? Especially with a lot of lgbt men/male-aligned people saying that the lgbt community has a "fear of/aversion to" masculinity which is complete bullshit(unless you're referring to butch/masc/stud women of course). But we need to start having this conversation! So thank you for bringing it to my attention!

[sapphos-darlings]

In a wlw relationship, does one person usually has preferences in regards to things that would often be gendered in straight couples, like lifting the other up, guiding or being guided in a dance, having your hands on her waist or hers on yours, or do most just don't really have much of a preference and enjoy doing either? Do those gestures mean something, is the one doing the 'top' and the other the 'bottom'? In straight relationships, people often atribute meaning to those things, but I don't know how that works between women. I'm figuring out my sexuality now and I want to date women from now on, but I'm trying to concile that with the heteronormative context I've been in until now, because I keep trying to understand, but I don't, and I think I have to if I'll be dating other women.

It's not quite that black and white and definitely not as rigid as it may seem! There is a culture of butch/femme in the dating scene for gay women, and a more widely spread idea of top/switch/bottom from the gay scene in general, though this one is more relevant to gay men than it is women. The reasons to why this exist are complex and historical, and our other mod (Lavender) may be better equipped to tackle that side, but contemporarily speaking, these roles are not as relevant as they were earlier in lesbian/bi history and subculture.

To establish first: there is generally a celebration of "true" equality in gay relationships, of being free of the sexist implications that have been placed on straight relationships, and the ability to move on the spectrum from feminine to masculine in terms of behaviours, activities and appearance freely. Particularly in relationships between women, the lack of a direct patriarchal influence in the relationship is generally celebrated as a positive. However, in the past, the butch party would assume the traditionally masculine role. Femmes had the appearance and behaviour of more socially acceptable women and provided "shelter" for the gender non-conforming butch lesbians, who dressed and behaved in a masculine manner, sometimes living in the male role in society altogether, regardless of the actual gender identity of the butch in question. These roles were often assumed for survival, and we're talking pre-80s culture here, from the 1900s upwards, during very "nuclear family" and "traditional values" times, the majority of which homosexuality was labeled as a mental illness or was illegal altogether. But it's our cultural heritage, which in better times has become less of a cornerstone of survival and hiding in plain sight and more of an identity, a celebration of who we are - so butch and femme survive to date, and are mostly regarded as valid and beautiful identities to take on in the community.

I'd still say that in modern dating, they're less prevalent than they were before. We still have masculine women and feminine women dating each other, surely, but we also have masculine women dating masculine women and feminine women dating feminine women and women dating women who just don't fit anywhere specific on that spectrum. It's very much up to a person's nature and preference; playing into each other's strengths, rather than holding onto a specific role. For example, I'm naturally quite strong, and love picking up my small partner and hauling them around the house for the sheer joy of it. Picking people up is delightful and my partner loves to be picked up. Meanwhile, we do house maintenance together as a team, both of us know how to wield a hammer and work with nails, and if we had a car, we'd be tinkering with that together.

When it comes to roles in dancing or such, it's up to a person's personality and their level of confidence - the one who is confident and tends to take a leadership role in general will likely feel more in their element leading the dance as well. Similarly, in sex, it's up to personal preference: what you like doing, what you don't, and what experiences feel good to you and what doesn't work out. Some people are natural tops, some are natural bottoms, most people like to switch around depending on what the specific activity is all about. Sometimes a top is a dominant personality, sometimes they're a very soft person who simply enjoys to be in "lead" of the act, similarly for bottoms, they may be masculine or feminine or anything inbetween, there isn't a set place for "the woman" or "the man" in a relationship between two women, as it is, and as it should be, a relationship between two women.

In my experience, there isn't an expectation that in any given couple, one of them will assume a masculine or a feminine role and vice versa. This tends to come from the heterosexual world, and is often summed up in the rather unintentionally homophobic, ever-repeating question of "so, who's the man?" Nobody in a relationship with two women is the man, unless one of them or both of them specifically want to be the man, or feel like "the man" is an identity for them. Same with being "the woman". Ultimately, we are all just people, and these are gender roles that patriarchy and heteronormativity enforce across the gender and sexuality spectrum. Inherently, all of us share some traits in common with these roles, but very few of us fit into the set boxes neatly with all our limbs comfortably inside. In gay relationships, one of the most freeing things is to be able to let go of all of that and focus on who you are as a person, and who your partner is, and what you two have together, how you fit each other, how your strengths work into each other's weaknesses, how you support one another as a team.

Restricting yourselves down to one party being "a man" and the other being "a woman" in all things would be unnatural and clip the wings off of the potential you two have together to be strong exactly as you are, regardless of societal expectations.

Hope this answers your question!

[msfbgraves]

I got into CK about two months ago and I enjoy it a lot but...the writers of this show can't write female characters. At all. Not even Amanda is a well written character (and how sad is it that her husband has way more chemistry with Johnny and Terry than with her lol??). It's so disappointing to see how poorly female characters are written in this show, when the male characters (except Johnny who has become trash) are given so much depth and nuance. I think Tory and Carmen get the worst of this, and Sam flip-flops back and forth.

Well, Sam's whole deal is that she's in a permanent state of identity crisis, not unlike Johnny. She's terrified of her aggression and not conforming to feminine standards of behaviour and obsessed with another girl - let that poor girl come out as some form of wlw at least. Bi, gay pan - she's just as repressed as Johnny and given that both her parents are so bi coded I can only see this as a form of rebellion. I doubt the writers meant to write it that way but the only blueprint for Sam they may have had was "Pretty rich girl into chick fights." and "Teenage female audience avatar." Since Mary Mouser is now obviously aging out of the 14-17 demographic, they have brought in Devon whose entire personality seems to exist of - does she have a personality, other than not being an asshole about pronouns?

But look. The whole premise of Cobra Kai is "The bullies were right all along" and "Mid 20th century male gender norms desperately need to make a comeback." And modern audiences agree they can't write women, but modern audiences of course don't know what they're talking about. Because, you see, the way Cobra Kai sees women is really, really simple. Women are there for two things:

Enticing a guy to have an orgasm; preferably inside her body

Dealing with the fallout of a man having had an orgasm in the female body.

That's it! Even women can understand that much. Because they all agree! We've asked some women whose salary we pay and one or two who consented to go out with us, what more do you need? And sure, there are some women who do not agree, but we all agree that there is something wrong with them. You know, like our sisters, who we don't want to fuck; which proves our point. And all Amanda's and Carmen's and Sam's and Tory's actions line up exactly with those primary objectives. So they're in fact perfect at writing women at Cobra Kai. Girls fighting girls? Hot. Women bitch slapping men? Yeah, hot. The only girl we actually see fight a boy is Aisha, but she's not mainstream hot and she's not white, which means there's something wrong with her. It checks out all the way through! It's genius. Genius!

And no, logically, a woman like Carmen would not date Johnny Lawrence. But women don't do logic, we all know that. Of course a single woman in her thirties with a medical degree and two dependents would fuck a man with absolutely no prospects who would have, logically, gotten Miguel permanently paralysed. (But disability is - yuck. And it only happens to people who deserve it, anyhow. Or something. I don't know. Gross!) Anyway, ignoring that, she's a MILF! Of course a MILF has babies. It's what women do! No way would she consider abortion, and no way would she consider any other birth control than faulty condoms she'd have to trust Johnny to buy, because otherwise people like Johnny Lawrence would never become shitty fathers and since many fathers are shitty fathers it must be the women's fault because again, all they do, and want, is a man's orgasm... you know, let's not talk about it. We all know how things are. And women never simply... not tell the men when they're late. That would rob the man of that feeling of pride they get when they hit the jackpot. They wouldn't just... take a pill or or make a quick appointment and also miscarriages never happen to anyone ever, right, or entopic pregnancies or, ew, man, this is Cobra Kai, not the Hallmark channel? The point is, these writers are right about everything always and that's how it's supposed to be. And if it isn't, well, that's why they write. Just watch them.

[cpyclopse]

I started crocheting and I made some gay flowers for my gay books!

Im about to rant about flowers and gay people so when youre done looking at my awsome flower book marks scroll if you dont wanna read like 4 paragraphs

So fun facts about these flowers in case you didn't already know!! As we all know some flowers mean different things (you can go deeper with floriography which is so neat) and they are just generally used in symbolism. We know lillies, specifically white ones, are used for funerals (at least in the west) and red Roses are for love we assign flowers and plants for roles often times by their looks, locations, and histories.

First we will talk about the Violet. So back in yee olden days in ancient Greece around 600-500 bce there was a poet named Sapho. She is important for a couple reasons 1) she was a woman and misogyny has been around since before Jesus (literally) ancient greece had some cool stuff and had some cool policies like that they (from what ive read) were pretty considerate of different religions even having some temples for immagrants for them to pray in but they also had stuff like slavery and generally hated women. And 2) she was the first ever documented woman who explicitly liked other women and wrote about it.

Sapho, being the pretty popular poet she was, made poems about her love of women and in one of them she talked about a beautiful woman wearing violets. That line is where we get the connection of violets to lesbians (and wlw people in general). People have refrenced her violets a lot in history some have also used diffrent purple flowers as well to show their love to other women.

Next we got the Pansy. This connection has been around for at least a little over a 100 years. Pansy has been used as an insult for queer men bc theyre delicate flowers and such and grrr flowers are feminine men are are big and strong hrumph. The term "pasny craze" was made in like the 20s bc queer people were really coming full swing well not really but more and more people knew of our existence and they weren't happy about it (shocker i know). To sum it up its more of a reclaiming something that was used against us there was even a bar named after the flower. To add on there is another flower used to represent gay men and this one was a bit more like flagging. This being the Carnation(my personal favorite flower) specifically the green one. The one and only *Oscar Wilde* wore one in his breast pocket which in turn trickled down to the every day gay mans consciousness.

Maybe we should think about flowers more i know i do. I cant grow a garden bc i dont like to go outside and bc the sun here is evil but someone should grow a gay garden for me. That would make you a real horticulture lad *ba dum tisk*

Bla bla bla rant info dumping all in all i crocheted gay flowers and put them in their respective gay books

- xoxo gossip girl

[menalez]

As a "masculine" lesbian I have short hair, play sport, wear men's clothes, and I do feel seen by the word butch. Butch comics and art, such as Maxine Harlow, is relateable for me. However I do believe that concepts like masculinity and femininity don't exist. I have typically masculine hobbies but feminine ones too. I think people should just do what they want as is natural for them. A lot of butch stuff is about being chivalrous or whatever and I think lots of lesbians force themselves 1/2

this + also butches can have many varieties, ppl who think butches are (or should be) chivalrous haven’t met enough butch fuckboys. ppl who think butches are all sporty or traditionally masculine in every sense also haven’t met enough butches. these ideas of how a butch should basically try to emulate traditional ideas of what a man is, is often not only misogynistic + lesbophobic, but also often harm butches by forcing them into very small particular boxes. i know some butches felt like they couldn’t receive during sex, shouldn’t let themselves be sensitive, shouldn’t desire affection, etc bc of such toxic gender roles being enforced by other wlw