#does anybody else experience this. like having a song stuck in your head in the sense that you can vividly hear it playing in your ears

[headintheclooudsss]

i love hyperphantasia i get to vividly see flying krill in my brain and also have the subway surfers music playing in my ears for half a therapy session its so great

[jeonqkooks]

everything you said about jk's solo is exactly how I feel. I'm so happy that he's finally dropped his own music officially and it's something he is proud of. That's all I could ever ask as a fan – that he's still happily working on his music and his style. But since Seven dropped I had mixed feelings that I kept to myself because, yeah, everyone loves it. I feel kind of scared to say or even think about my real opinion on this song (or really the whole direction this first solo album is heading towards given recent news) because I don't want to be perceived as some stuck up, sensitive fan complaining about things that jk is actually happy with. He's my bias and maybe that's why I care that much more about the music he puts out. I would've loved to see jk contribute more to his solo music and I don't want it to be drowned out completely by people who seem to know "best" about the Western market. In saying that, I always knew jk could adapt to any genre and I'm glad he was able to give this one a go. Idk maybe I'm overthinking this too much...

fear not! if you ever have opinions that you feel might make the general public seethe with anger then you can always come to me cuz there's a 97% chance that i'm thinking the same thing lol. i am your local unpopular opinion factory i will give you shelter 😂

if you could read my dm's then you'd know that my reaction to most news is 😑. of course, if he's happy with the music he's making then yes, honestly good for you my dude. but i don't think you should feel guilty about not liking the music he's putting out just bc HE likes it. we're the fans but we don't have to immediately fawn over everything they do. if we don't like smth, then we don't like it. it's not like we don't support them anymore. it's really not that deep. also, we are allowed to have certain expectations for them especially music wise bc we're literally the consumers here. we don't have to be like "YES KING MHMMMM EVERY SONG IS PERFECT GOBBLE GOBBLE".

you don't have to force yourself to like smth just cuz everyone else seems to love it. you're a fan, you're not supposed to be a yes man. a couple months ago i was so excited for jjk1 to come out cuz i was planning to preorder it (it'd be my first ever album purchase) but after i listened to Seven, the first thing i texted my sister was "guess i'm not getting the album" 😕 if he says he likes the music and i don't, then, well, that's not anybody's fault. tastes are subjective

ever since i read the news about the album being in full english (or at least the people involved will be completely english speaking) uggggh i've just been so 😑. of course i understand where you're coming from about feeling guilty about not liking his music. i feel the same way sometimes. whenever he does or releases smth that makes people scream how much they love it, i'm just sitting there talking to myself like yo why r u such a party pooper. and then it's just a little sad and beyond disappointing bc this is the opposite of what i was hoping for lmao

honestly, at the end of the day, it's fine. the fandom experience is supposed to serve us too, to make us feel comforted and happy. if you don't like smth, don't let people bully you into thinking you're alone and weird in having whatever opinions that you have

rn i'm looking forward to kth1 more cuz he's my music taste bestie 😂

[maddieinwonder]

The Seventh

Slight Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None at all

Word Count: 1.6k

Plot: Reader hears a lot of rumours about the BAU before she applies to join the team. (Part 2 here!)

Author's Note: I love the idea of the BAU being notorious in the FBI, because honestly, they totally would be! And I would be lying if I said I've never crushed hard irl on a mysterious genius boy...

Masterlist

------------

Before you decided to join the BAU, you had heard all kinds of gossip about its members. It was a hot topic among your colleagues, but you could hardly blame them for the shameless act, when you left one ear open for it yourself.

Professionally, if they weren't called the BAU, people called them the "serial killer guys", since they couldn't seem to escape them in their cases. But among your lunch group, they were called "The Seven".

It was an embarrassing name in your opinion, too easily implying that the BAU was elite, untouchable. But the more you learned about them, the more you thought there could some truth to it.

Number One was SSA Hotchner, the unit chief known for his stone cold attitude. You heard a rumour that he once threatened the BAU section chief without so much as batting an eye. Anybody else would have been fired on the spot, but it seemed that Hotchner was so unrivalled in his job that he was asked to stay anyway.

Hotchner's opposite was SSA Rossi, who seemed to be the more "human" of the two, but that didn't make him any less intimidating. He was famous both in and out of the FBI, having built the BAU from the ground up, and written multiple best-selling books about criminal analysis. Why he decided to return to the BAU was a mystery to everyone, but you had a feeling he actually missed it.

Then there was SSA Prentiss. Everyone's consensus was that she seemed nice, but ultimately professional. People theorised that her political upbringing made her into a politician herself, but you once saw her in the BAU office laughing so hard that tears started rolling down her cheeks, and that's when you decided she couldn't be as stiff as the rest made her out to be.

SSA Morgan was the one everybody liked, on a shallow level at least. All your fingers and toes weren't enough to count how many people you knew had a crush on him. You've seen grown women visibly swoon when he walked by, which was partially hilarious for you, but also partially embarrassing for womenkind. You could see the appeal, somewhat, but he wasn't your speed.

Your favourite was JJ. Jennifer Jareau was the BAU's communications liaison and the only one you'd dare call a friend. You'd worked with her on multiple cases in the past, and in fact, she was the one who recommended you for the new position. She's a complete sweetheart, but you also knew that she once headshot an unsub right in the BAU office to protect Penelope. That fact only increased your admiration for her.

She was also the one to introduce you to the BAU's infamous technical analyst. You had heard of Penelope Garcia prior to that, but she so rarely emerged from her office that you almost thought she was a myth. The real person was unlike an FBI agent at all, always donning some combination of bright colours, feathers, and/or sparkles. Most people who'd seen her labelled her as a weirdo, but there was something about her, a sense of positivity, that you loved.

Last but not least, the one that slipped under everyone's radar, Dr. Spencer Reid. People didn't talk much about Dr. Reid because, well, there was nothing really to talk about. He was the youngest person to ever join the FBI, had an IQ of 187, and you thought he was far too pretty to be doing a job this terrible, but that's where the conversations usually ended.

Everything that could be said, envied, or admired about the genius had simply been covered already, and he offered no new fodder for the gossip trolls to chew on; he rarely left the office, he didn't mingle with the other departments, and frankly, everyone thought he was socially awkward.

Yet, you found yourself continuously coming back to him in your thoughts. Maybe, subconsciously, you wanted to join the BAU so that you could figure him out.

The first time you met Dr. Reid, he was giving the profile of an unsub to the larger team. His words sped by so quickly, yet with so much insight and detail that you found yourself scrunching your face in concentration in order to get it all, and that impressed you.

You had always been a quick study but you instantly knew that Dr. Reid would be a challenge, both professionally and personally, and you hadn't even got to know him yet.

As you submitted the request to join the BAU, you admit that the excitement of that challenge was at the forefront of your mind. And when you were called into SSA Hotchner's office a few months later, the thought rang in your head even louder.

"Agent Hotchner, you called for me?" You asked at his door, suddenly feeling timid in the face of your potential boss.

"Sit down, agent," he said without looking up. As you took a seat, he opened a file that was undoubtedly yours and looked up. His eyebrows were furrowed, but if what you'd heard about him was true, this didn't necessarily mean anything bad. And you were right.

"I have your test results with me," he began. "Firstly, I'd like to congratulate you for scoring the highest in your class." You swore he almost cracked a smile.

"I've also heard a lot about you. Your boss had many good things to say about your work ethic, your field experience, and your commitment to justice," he continued.

Now it was your turn to smile.

"But I want to know the real reason why you want to join the BAU." Your smile faltered slightly, something that you're sure Hotchner would pick up on.

He leaned forward in his desk, purposefully applying pressure on the situation, and you let out a quiet breath in preparation.

"The reason I wanted to join the BAU may not be new to you, but I'm looking for a challenge. I want to make a change." You started. "I understand that those two may be contradictory principles, but I believe I can grow and do a lot of good with the BAU."

"And what if the job gets too much for you?" He asks, a flicker of emotion that I didn't recognise crossing his face.

"I'm prepared for that," you said determinedly. "I may not know what this job will take from me, but I'd like the opportunity to prove that I can grow from it, sir."

Agent Hotchner eyed you for a moment before standing up. "Very well, then." He reached out his hand. "Welcome to the BAU."

You looked at his hand for a second, the shock barely registering, before scrambling to your feet. "Thank you, sir! I won't disappoint you!" You shake his hand grinning.

"And next time, just call me Hotch." He said, this time smiling amusedly at your enthusiasm.

"Got it, and thank you again, sir." You said, excusing yourself from his room with a noticeable skip in your step.

You tried to cool yourself off walking back to your department to share the good news, but the excitement proved too much to hold in when a familiar voice calls out to you.

"Hey babygirl, considering you just came out of Hotch's office with a smile, I'm guessing you're going to be our newest teammate."

You turned around, trying to swallow your giddiness, when you realised that person was none other than SSA Morgan.

"Agent Morgan," you stuck out your hand in greeting. "Nice to meet you, and yes, I am."

"Derek." He corrected, grinning as he shook your hand. "Looking forward to working closely with you."

"Just call him Morgan. Don't need to get too close to this player." SSA Prentiss nudged Derek out of the way, raising her hand to meet yours. "I'm Emily Prentiss."

You giggled at their closeness.

The rest of the introductions quickly followed, including hugs from JJ and Penelope, and a starstruck moment when Rossi left his office to personally welcome you to the team. But there was one person whom you hadn't formally met yet.

Dr. Reid had finally separated his head from his work amidst the commotion (plus a very strong encouragement from one Mr. Derek Morgan to "go get her, pretty boy") and walked up to you, a nervous gait in his step.

He stuck his hand out to your surprise, having heard that the doctor was a tad germaphobic, and shook yours. "Dr. Spencer Reid," he said. "But you can call me Spencer, everyone else does."

"Nice to meet you, Spencer." You tried out the foreign name on your tongue. "Honestly, I'm quite a fan of your academic papers. I'm looking forward to working with you."

You knew the genius was a bit awkward, but he instantly turned beet red at your words and retracted his hand. The thought that this was the first time somebody had complimented him this way made you a little sad. But you thought his reaction was incredibly cute, and apparently so did the rest.

"Pretty boy, pret-ty boy, is that how you should react around a lady?" Derek sing-songed, putting his arm around the poor genius' shoulders, tugging him down.

JJ shot you an apologetic look for her childish teammates, while the rest joined in to poke fun at Spencer. Although he was frowning, his voice betrayed no hints of annoyance. Clearly they were all very close.

You laughed along, feeling a growing warmth in your chest, and wondered if you'd be a part of this family in the future.

But first, you’d have to get used to being the Eighth.

------------

(Part 2 here!)

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Fangs//i bet you're real sweet with her

Request: You my friend are the queeen 👑 of songfics. Any chance you would want to write a fic for the song Bitter by Fletcher? With any of my boys Malachai/Reggie/Fangs/Pea you can choose 😘

hey! brit! @wayward-river this is for you, my love! enjoy! also, this is the last request i have! i did it!! well done me!! requests will be open soon, so keep your eyes peeled! 

The world may have moved on and evolved, but when you’re stuck in Riverdale, it feels like you’re still in the same unknown decade, no matter how long you stay for. 

Four years after graduation, you’re still waiting tables at Pop’s, despite the rest of your friends moving on. The only people left behind is you, Toni, Sweet Pea and Fangs. But what was once known the four musketeers, now has a huge divide between them. 

You still talk to Toni, but she talks more with Fangs. You and Fangs don’t talk to each other anymore due to a very messy ending of an almost six year relationship. Sweet Pea and Fangs only really talk to each other when they have to. Sweet Pea’s pissed because of what Fangs did to you, despite you telling him that you don’t want to be the reason they fall out, but he still sticks by your side. And Fangs is pissed at him for taking your side. 

Toni and Sweet Pea are still close but not as much as they used to be. The only plus side is the fact that you and Sweet Pea are closer than before, but that comes at a cost, because he’s stuck in between the messiest breakup in Riverdale history, and there’s nothing he can really do except sit and listen to you complain. 

Not that he minds though, as long as you keep giving him secret staff discount on his food, he’s fine listening to you mope about Fangs. 

“I just-” You sigh, your head dropping to rest on the table. The clock ticks above you and you can feel some of the other waitresses glaring at you, as they will time to move quicker so they can have their own breaks. “Do you know when you’re on the outside of an inside joke? And everyone else knows it but you have no idea what they’re talking about and it makes you feel really lonely.” 

“Lime.” He chuckles and you stare at him confused. “Sorry, you weren’t there.” 

“That doesn’t help Sweet Pea.” You slump in the stool and stare out of the coffee machine.

In the reflection you see a group of teenagers sat at the far end of the diner and you’re taken back to when that used to be you. You and the rest of the serpents would sit for hours, just talking and eating. Now those days are far gone, the only time you would ever be in the same place as Fangs would be to fight him. 

“Hey. Sorry to interrupt.” An older woman invades your thoughts and casts a shadow over you. You pull your gaze away from the shiny metal and stare up at her. “I really wanted Coke but you guys only seem to have Pepsi.” 

“I’m on my break sorry.” You force a smile. The rehearsed customer service voice coming out naturally. “But I’m sure one of my colleagues would be more than happy to help.” You add and point to the various members of staff trying to look busy. You glare at the newest member, Emma, who has the coldest eyes and fakest smile you have ever seen. She’s been a pain in your ass since she got here, and she hasn’t stopped since. You’re just hoping the new girl starting today is going to be a lot nicer. 

“Ughhh.” You groan and lean your head on the counter again. “I just remembered I’m training a new girl today.” 

“I thought you’d just done that.” 

“I have.” You grumble and look up at him. “But because I’m the most experienced member of staff, apparently it’s also my job to make sure they don’t put tea in the coffee machine and to keep the condiments separate.” You add and fiddle with the salt packet lying in front of you. 

“Well, I’m gonna be here for a little bit longer. I don’t start till three, so I can keep you company.” 

“Thanks.” You smile. “Where are you going today?” 

“Just to Greendale and back.” 

“Come round when you finish...we can drink what will be left of the night away.” 

“Deal.” He smiles and grabs your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Sweet Pea’s phone lights up beside you and you peer over his arm to see who it is. 

“Don’t bother.” You say when he reaches for it. “It’s just your mom.” You add when he looks at you confused and his face soon falls. 

“Oh.” He grumbles. “I told her to leave me alone.” 

“I’m sure she’ll get the message soon.” You try your best to sound convincing. But you’ve been repeating that sentence for seven years and she still doesn’t seem to get it. No matter how many times Sweet Pea tells her that he’s better off without her. 

For a while you thought it had worked. Nobody had heard from her in almost 6 months, but then she popped back up and ruined the progress that Sweet Pea had been making of having a stable life. 

“And if not. I’ll make sure she does.” You add making him snort a laugh. A soft smile twitches at your own lips as you watch him laugh and then shove a few fries in his mouth. Your hand reaches out to steal some but he catches it and shoves you away making you pout. “Hey! Technically I paid for those. The least you can do is share.” 

“What?” He asks through a mouthful of food and you pull a face. “I can’t hear you over the chewing.” He adds and shoves the rest of them in his mouth.

“You’re disgusting.” You shake you head making him laugh loudly. For a good minute, everything feels normal. It feels like you’re just sat with your friend and praying for time to slow down so you don’t have to go back to work. 

But eventually time does catch up with you, and as soon as the clock strikes quarter past you have to haul yourself back up, grab your rag and get on. The song on the jukebox flips and you’re suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia. 

The opening notes float through the air, and all of sudden you can see you and Fangs dancing right in front of you. 

3am in December during a snowstorm. The worst Riverdale had seen for years and the two of you were hiding in the warmth of Pop’s until it went away. You were the only ones in and so Fangs decided to make the most out of the empty diner, and the two of you danced stupidity around the entire place, much to the amusement of the very bored and very tired workers. 

Tears spring to your eyes and you let out a shaky breath before fiddling with your fingers. 

“Y/n?” Sweet Pea asks. “You okay?” You nod and Sweet Pea stares back at you. Your shiny eyes and wobbly lip really doesn’t help your case of ‘i’m over it!’, but for now he decides to leave it. In the three months since you broke up, you’ve already cried more times than he can count, and that’s just at work. He doesn’t want to see you cry again. If he had his way, you’d never cry again. Not ever. 

“I’m fine. I know you think I’m stupid but it’s just how I feel.” You shrug and his expression softens. He grabs your hand, stopping you from walking away and you look at your intwined fingers. 

“I have never once thought you were stupid.” He says seriously and you swallow thickly. “Well, apart from the time I dared you to steal FP’s bike and you actually did it.” He adds, the atmosphere being too serious for the two of you. 

“I never got caught though.” You point your pen at him, a smile curling the corners of your lips and Sweet Pea smiles back at you. 

“It was still stupid.” He replies and you roll your eyes. 

“Hey, Pea?” You ask. “Do you know if Fangs is with anybody. I just, I can’t shake the feeling that somebody else is in my shoes right now. You know, doing all of the stuff we used to do.”  

“I don’t think so.” He shrugs and you nod slowly. 

“Good.” You nod and hold your head higher. “I’m the best he’s ever going to have anyway.” You add making him chuckle. 

“Very true.” He laughs. “Y/n? Do you think you might be-I dunno, maybe just a bit bi-” 

“I’m not bitter.” You defend and he sends you a look. 

“Sure you’re not.” He sips his coffee. “You are dressed in yellow though. And what fruit is yellow?” 

“A le-” 

“A lemon!” He interrupts, a stupid grin taking over his expression as waits for you to answer. 

“Okay.” You nod and grab your notepad from the table. “I’m walking away now. There you go Emma, you can sneak out the back to text a man that is definitely not your husband. 

“Oh, hi.” Someone taps your shoulder as you’re walking away making you quickly spin around. The girls almost walks into you and a string of apologies fall from her mouth as she quickly looks around to make sure no one saw. 

Her brown hair stops at her waist and curls a little bit near the end. Her bright blue eyes sparkle under the florescent lighting, and her pink lips curl into a nervous smile as she looks around. You glance at Sweet Pea and roll your eyes when you see him not so subtly checking her out. 

“Can I help?” You ask and she quickly looks back at you, a bright red blush creeping up her cheeks. 

“Yes. Hi, sorry. I’m Olivia. I start today.” She says and sticks her hand out in front of you. You shake it and send a glare to Sweet Pea who is still checking her out and he rolls his eyes at you before scrolling through his phone. 

“Lovely to meet you Olivia.” You smile. “Follow me and I’ll show you the ropes.” 

“I would so not mind seeing either of you with ropes.” Sweet Pea mumbles and you grit your teeth. 

“Would you excuse me for just a second?” She nods, eyes wide as she watches you slap Sweet Pea over the head with the rag. He jumps and yelps from the sudden attack before rubbing his head and scowling at you. “Okay, where were we?” You ask, a smile returning to her lips as she just stares at you in disbelief. “It’s fine. We’re friends.” You shrug and walk her to the counter. 

“It doesn’t make it okay!” Sweet Pea shouts. 

“Do you want your bill yet...your full one?” You add and he slumps back in his seat, his arms crossed in defeat. 

“Okay, so do you have any waitressing experience?” 

“Yes!” She smiles. “I used to work in a diner like this one back in New York.” She says and your eyes widen at the mention of New York.

“Oh, so you’re an out of towner?” You ask while showing her around. “This is the kitchen. Basically you get an order, you clip it on there and then the food will come through here. The only time we ever really need to go into the kitchen is if there is a mistake or it’s your turn to put the bins out. There’s a rota in the office but I’ll show you that later.” 

“Got it.” She nods. “Yeah. I moved here a few months ago. I’ve been trying to find a job since I moved but there’s only so much you can do in a small town.” She explains and you nod knowingly. 

“Why would you ever leave New York for Riverdale. Did you get lost or something?” You tease and she rolls her eyes playfully. 

“No.” She shakes her head. “I came here just as a little break to get away from the city, and then I met a guy and I haven’t been back.” She says and your eyes widen. 

“You stayed for a boy?” You ask in disbelief and she nods, with an embarrassed smile. “Wow.” You add. “This is the main eating area as you can see. We all have our sections, again, the rota, but you’ll be paired with me for today so you won’t need to know where you are until your next shift. And be warned, if you see him-” You point at Sweet Pea and he waves in return. “Ignore everything he says.” You finish and his face falls. 

“I’m gonna stop keeping you company if you’re not careful.” He huffs and you roll your eyes. 

“How else are you going to spend your free time if not here?” He shrugs and spins around the chair. When you had more friends, you used to need a booth to fit all of you in and even then you had to steal chairs from other tables. Now Sweet Pea just sits on the stools by the till so he can chat to you. 

Sometimes when it’s late and you’re nearing the end of a long shift, you’re sure you can see the ghosts of past versions of yourselves sat in the corner booth. Their laugher filling the air and reminding you of a happier time. 

“You guys are a cute couple.” Olivia coos and you and Sweet Pea stare at each other in disgust. 

“We are not a couple.” You say quickly and distance yourself away from him. 

“You would be lucky to be called my girlfriend.” He says and making you laugh. 

“Yeah, I’m really missing out.” You reply. “We’re not a couple.” You repeat, looking at Olivia this time and she nods while trying to suppress a smile. 

“Got it. Not a couple.” 

“Anyway, tell us about this man that seemingly turned your world upside down.”  

“He’s amazing!” She starts and you suddenly start to regret asking. This is definitely not going to help the ever growing feeling that you’re going to be alone forever. “He recently got a new job as a truck driver. At the minute he’s just doing to make some money, but it’s not what he wants to do. And he got a new little flat with his friend and it’s great. He’s an amazing cook...like the best. And he’s so handsome. Sometimes I look at him and I seriously wonder if he was crafted by God himself. He is that good, he has made me believe in God.”

“...wow.” You choke a little. 

“Yeah...wow.” Sweet Pea adds and the two of you share an impressed look. She chuckles shyly and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. 

“He sounds sweet.” You smile and a blush creeps up her neck as she fiddles with her apron. “Who is he? Maybe I know him.” 

“Fangs. Fangs Fogarty.” She replies and your jaw drops. The cup in your hand wobbles and you scramble to catch it before it smashes on the floor. Olivia quickly moves forward to help you, but you stand up before she has the chance and she’s left awkwardly standing just a bit too close to you. 

Sweet Pea coughs and coffee dribbles down his chin, making both of you look at him and he forces a smile until Olivia is called away. You and Sweet Pea stare at each other for a few seconds, your eyes wide and jaws slack and then you both start an incoherent flow of words as you try and figure out what the hell is going on. 

“I thought you said Fangs wasn’t seeing anyone!” You start and slap him over the head with your rag again. He ducks and catches it, but his face crinkles when he comes in to contact with the soggy fabric and he quickly drops it. 

“He said he wasn’t!” He argues. “I asked him the other day if he was seeing anyone and he said no. It’s not my fault he lied.” He adds and you huff at him, crossing your arms while staring at the door. 

From your peripheral, you watch him roll his eyes and sigh before mumbling a quiet sorry. 

“It’s fine.” You sigh. “It’s not your fault.” The two of you watch her make her wander around the restaurant and talking to a few of the other servers, the smile never leaving her lips and a scowl slowly makes its way onto your own. “If I were her I would start packing my bags already because we all know Fangs does not do commitment. It doesn’t matter if its two months or six years, one day he will just up and leave, turning your whole life upside down because he’s a selfish di-” 

“Okayyyy.” He says and grabs your arm pulling you over the counter. “Y/n, listen to me.” He grabs your cheeks. “You have got to pull yourself together. One. you are much hotter than her. Seriously, I only checked her out once and that was when she first got here. But I check you out literally every time you walk into a room.” 

“Than-” 

“Two. Now that it’s official that Fangs has moved on, it means that you can too and you don’t look like the bad person because he did it first. So Friday night, you’re going to get dressed up and then we’re gonna go to Greendale and go to that club, Brightstars and then you’re gonna get bu-” 

“You don’t need to finish that sentence.” You reply and he nods proudly before letting go. You drop back onto the floor and smooth your uniform out. 

It’s fine, you got this. You can be the bigger person and you can put any petty differences aside for an easy working environment. Fangs has already ruined enough of your life, he doesn’t need to ruin this to. 

Apparently he does though, because not two seconds after you’ve had that life-altering thought, does he walk through the doors of Pop’s. The bell rings to announce his presence and everyone turns to look at him. 

Sweet Pea buries his head in a menu, despite having already eaten. You frantically look around the place to try and find somewhere to hide, but instead you just watch as Olivia’s face lights up as she greets her boyfriend. The two of them kiss, his hands grip her waist and there is far too much tongue involved to be doing it in public. 

Before you can stop yourself, a disgusted expression has already settled on your face and when Olivia turns around to introduce you to him, you try your best to smile through it. 

“Do you guys know each other?” She asks while leading him over to the counter. Sweet Pea shuffles further away and grabs another menu to cover his face. You mumble a few curse words at him and vow than the next break you’re not just going to hit him with the rag, you’re going to choke him with it before you muster the politest smile you possibly can. 

“Yeah. We went to school together!” You say before Fangs can say anything. He looks at you surprised and you narrow your eyes at him before looking back at Olivia. “We all did. Didn’t we Pea.” You add and snatch the menu’s from him. 

He sits up straighter, forcing an awkward smile before nodding slowly. 

“Yeah, we-er. We used to hang out.” He adds and Olivia looks at Fangs surprised. 

“You never mentioned a Y/n and a-” 

“Sweet Pea.” He says and you grab the empty plate and glass from in front of him. 

“Wait, is it because they’re friends with that crazy ex you told me about?” She wonders and you freeze. You raise an eyebrow at him and he gulps. “Fangs used to date this girl and they were together for a really long time, but then he broke up with her because well, I guess he just wanted other things. She was crying and begging him to stay and it was a whole mess. Funny story we met when he was throwing away all her old furniture. I asked him what the smoke was about and he told me he was just burning some bad memories.” She laughs and the glass breaks under your grip. The noise causes you all to jump and suddenly it’s all too much. 

Tears spring to your eyes and you quickly dump the apron on the counter. 

“I’m gonna go clean this, can you cover for me Pea?” You ask and he stands, his face full of concern as he watches you disappear out the back. 

Olivia grabs a dustpan and brush and starts cleaning up while Fangs just stares at the floor. Guilt burrows further into his chest as he stares at the broken glass and his new girlfriend cleaning it up. 

“I didn’t mean to upset her.” She says. “Where they friends or something?” She asks and Sweet Pea shrugs. 

“Yeah, something like that.” He sends Fangs a glare. 

“I’ll go see if she’s okay.” He says suddenly and Sweet Pea’s glare only worsens. 

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” He asks. 

“Nope.” He takes a deep breath before following you through the kitchen and into the office. The door swings open and you sigh, too busy trying to pick glass from your hand to look up at it. 

“I’m fine Sweet Pea. Could you just pass me the first aid box?” 

“Here.” Fangs says and you quickly look up, your eyes widen at the dark haired boy standing in front of you. They soon darken once you snatch the box from him and place it on the desk. 

“What do you want Fangs?” 

“I’m sorry.” He kneels in front of you, forcing you to look at him. The already small office feels suddenly a lot smaller once you look into his eyes and suddenly you feel like you can’t breathe. 

“For what? For breaking my heart, betraying my trust or for telling your new girlfriend, which you found after just a month, that I’m somehow the bad guy in this story?”

“Ye-” 

“You know what Fangs.” You stand and slam the box on the table. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear about you or your new life or how sorry you are. I don’t give a fuck.” You shout and back him into a corner. 

His eyes drop to your lips and your breath hitches under his stare. Was he really thinking about kissing you after everything? But even worse, were you really thinking about letting him? His hands grip your hips, pulling you even closer to him and your lips ghost over his own. 

“Do you think about me when you kiss her?” You whisper in his ear and he nods slowly. “Do you think she can taste me when you kiss her?” You add and his eyes flutter closed. The grip on your hips tighten and he leans in, but the door swings open and he quickly jumps away from you. 

“Sorry to interrupt.” Olivia apologises awkwardly. “Are you guys okay?” 

“Just arguing.” You reply and force a smile. “We’re good now though aren’t we Fangs?” 

“Yeah.” He nods. “Just fine.” 

“Come on Olivia. Tell your boyfriend to get out because we have work to do.” You say and smile at the two of them. They share a look and a short kiss before Fangs disappears back through the kitchen. 

You follow closely and watch from the kitchen door as he looks back one last time before leaving. Olivia forces a tight lipped smile at you before busying herself with cleaning some of the booths down. 

“Sweet Pea?” You ask and he hums in reply. “You’re right...I am bitter.” 

✨taglist ✨

@amberritonicole

support my writing! if you want! 

[tundrainafrica]

Hi Sav! Hope all is well! Just wanna ask, do you get writer's block once in a while? If so, how do you fight it? How do you keep yourself motivated in writing?

Omg, thank you for the ask. 

I’m honestly surprised people are pretty interested in my writing habits because I guess no one in real life actually knows me as a writer so nobody really asks about this. But yeah, the good news is I do have a set way of how I go about writing so this is a pretty easy ask to navigate.

 So to answer your questions...

Just wanna ask, do you get writer's block once in a while?

Yes. I get it all the time. Writing the first few words of the next chapters of my fics or writing the first words of the fic given a prompt is always painful. 

If so, how do you fight it?

I actually have some concrete ways which help me keep my head moving so I’ll drop these here. I can’t say it works for everyone but yeah, it might help people I guess?

I write things which I wish would happen no matter how much it doesn’t make any sense.

That’s why when I’m writing a fic, I never start at the start or what I believe the first words will be. I have a document and I write skeletons of dialogues which I want to show up, I write scenes and interactions that I want to happen. 

All of my fics started from badly written notes. Most of them usually get deleted once the fic is done so I had to unearth these. I’ll drop a sample here of my shitty notes from fics I’ve been working on and some I actually finished. You might recognize some of the prompts from fics I’ve finished already

Canon fixit: fic where Hänge pulls Levi out of the water again, helps him wake up from his coma of Levi, the world just goes back to normal. Hange figures out her feelings for Levi, lives her cottage core life waiting for Levi to wake up and Levi discuss feelings for each other. reads romeo and Juliet ( is that us?) romeo and Juliet, gets a dream did it hurt?

Rekindle: sad songs more varied than happy songs, Levi saves Hänge drowning, works multiple jobs to make ends meet

 Levihanzeke love triangle Hange is a lawyer, Levi is an illegitimate child convicted criminal in a Ponzi scheme, that's the thing about rich kids, Mikasa agrees with him, tries to save him by feeding information Philosophy Other prompts 

Soulmates AU but a love child can be born from the love of someone else. Udo is the one who knows that Levijan are together, he goes with Gaby with them to Paradis and he tells them he knows them makes Levi and Hänge analyze their relationship 

Lifetime: Levi takes up painting after the war.

Sometimes, I have interactions written out

And it becomes a matter of getting the kinks fixed and the ropes tied together. 

Like this one dialogue...

“So, Levi Ackerman and Hange Zoe…” The teacher started as she looked through what could have been her list of names. With the way she was holding it, Levi had found it difficult to sneak a peek at what’s inside. “Commander Hange Zoe and Retired Captain Levi Ackerman…” The teacher corrected, clearing her throat at that. 

“Yes, but no need for pleasantries. I mean you have been taking care of our son…” Hange spoke up and held one hand out for a hand shake, obviously trying to ease the tension in the room, or at the least the discomfort in the teacher’s face. 

“ according to your son... Shitty four eyes… and Clean freak?”

Or this one...

“Prophylactic… Contraceptive…” Hange read aloud the more unfamiliar words as she turned the box around on her fingertips. She had hoped saying them aloud with ring some bells for her researcher mind. That small effort though turned out to be futile.  I should ask Kiyomi about this when she gets back. She thought to herself. 

“Never heard those words before,” Levi commented from his own table next to her. He always did keep her company after hours taking on some of the paperwork or reading through records and documentation on communications and deliveries  that only rapidly multiplied with every passing day since the building of the port. 

“Me neither,” Hange said. She sighed and rested her cheek on her hand as she looked out the window.

And...

The thinking process is, once I have a point A and a point B. Once I have all the dots I want written, connecting the dots becomes a bit more straightforward. I think the harder part really is figuring out the ‘dots’. That’s why I would recommend, once you feel like you wanna write something out, no matter how ugly it is, just get it written on your phone, even if it’s as messy as the notes above, or even if it’s just a dialogue skeleton. 

And here’s the thing, I really believe that once you have  a point A and a point B, there is a line that will always exist, regardless of how different point A and point B are. It’s just difficult to see from the start. 

And yeah, I think this is where writer’s block comes for most people. Because sometimes we can’t find the logical way to connect the two. 

So this is where my own concrete methods of fixing that comes in. (I’m sure it wouldn’t work for everyone but it might be worth a try for some people so I’ll leave it here.)

Find a hobby that follows a ‘connect the dots’ thinking process and before you write, do it. 

When I get writer’s block, I like to do things in real life where I am reminded that even the weirdest things can easily be connected, or I like doing things that require deep thought and organization and that require good ideas on the fly. I play strategy games like chess or mahjong. 

This probably won’t make sense for a lot of people but for the people who does, having a game with set a smaller set of rules than writing yet still  requires lots of innovative thinking and organizational thinking, helps keep my head moving in a smaller space, so it’s a good warm up. So when I go back to writing and I look at the point A and the point B again, I’m more easily able to see how I want it to connect. Because chess and mahjong are games where we are given set pieces and we have to find a way to make it connect given our environment and circumstances. 

If not chess or mahjong, and if you’re particularly musical, I found that just experimenting on an instrument when dealing with writer’s block actually works. I play the piano, and something which follows the same process as connecting the dots for me, is to open the lyrics of a song, look at a chords and just play the chords on the piano then just play around with the melody and the broken chords. The chords act like that ‘enclosed environment’ and the tinkering I do on the piano act like that ‘innovative thinking’ which gets my head moving.

Music: I go on walks and listen to my spotify on shuffle until a song comes out which I think resonates with the story. And then I listen to it again and again and again until I complete the fic. This is how I’m able to make that line from point A to point B more complete, and this is how I manage to channel my emotions into the writing.

Research: All fics will require some sort of research, especially when you’re writing something more complex. So when I’m going into some particular writer’s block, if it’s a history AU, I read history and watch documentaries. If I’m writing hc, I like to read medical journals. If I need to incorporate some sort of a science law into my fics, I read scientific journals (don’t read the whole thing lmao, the abstract usually works), When particularly writing a scene which requires in depth thought about a certain field or occupation, I talk to someone who has that occupation. I know this sounds totally weird to do over a fanfiction so I just don’t mention it’s fanfiction and just ask. I mean asking people about their job is generally an incredibly normal conversation starter.

How do you keep yourself motivated in writing?

Okay, so there’s one thing I need to point out here, if the pandemic didn’t happen, if I didn’t get laid off in my first job and if I didn’t drop law school for the year, I probably wouldn’t be here writing haha. 

Like right now, when I’m stuck in the house 24/7, reading and writing is my only outlet and my only hobby outside my job. I can’t travel. I can’t see friends. I can’t see family. The skating rink is closed. The gyms are closed. Anything which is remotely seen as fun is closed.  

So writing has been incredibly comforting in helping me process my emotions. 

But I recognize the fact that starting a fic will always be hard especially if people don’t know what to do. So people tend to put it off, and this habit usually extends to work or studies too I’m guessing. I mean I’ve worked in enough groupworks to know that people like to wait for that sense of urgency before they do anything. 

‘Motivation’ is such a fleeting thing that I don’t think anybody should be relying on that to get something moving. I think it’s pretty much discipline more than anything that gets people moving. So how do I  avoid procrastination or that feeling where ‘just thinking about it makes me freeze so I don’t do it.

I just do it. But it isn’t as easy as that right?

I have this concept of a future self. Like a future me I do not wanna disappoint and I trust that future self when she says ‘ you will not regret doing this.’ So even if the writing process is hard the first few pages, I’m able to write because even if it is painful, I know that in between and actually finishing up those pages isn’t. I’m sure people who have finished a fic know, there is an in between where you aren’t thinking too much about the actual process, you’re just writing. And the painful part is just getting to that trance. 

And in the end, you’re just like ‘I’m glad I wrote that.’

But that trance is liberating and it reminds me why the hell I’m doing all this in the first place. And I’m sure this isn’t limited to writing. Any hobby people pursue, working out, staying up all night to get homework done, I’m sure we all experience an in between or maybe some feeling after which makes us realize that it is worth it. It’s a matter of just trusting our future self to actually be grateful we did it. 

I know it’s easier said than done but I guess it helps at least to build the habit and the mindset so I’ve dropped some concrete ways it helps me.

[blakescoven]

11 with Xavier 🥺 plz!

11. Telling them a dumb joke just to see their smile 

A/N: cant believe I actually wrote something after MONTHS. This is trash I’m sorry :( and things got out of hand because it’s about 2k words oops, but thank you for the ask darling, I had fun🖤 (Despite my proofreading there might be grammar mistakes because of my italian illiterate ass, so please be nice)

Warnings: they’re ghosts here, but honestly just dumb jokes, fluff and a heated moment but if you blink you’ll miss it haha

It’s one of those mornings. One of those mornings when the sunlight peaks through the window waking you up. But why even bother sleeping when you’re dead? Well, call it a habit, call it boredom, call it not wanting to let go that crumb of routine which, as much as possible, allows you to keep holding on to whatever is the shred of humanity left within you; like a fading flame that, for some reason, is still burning. Or at least this is the only way to not dissociate from reality and preserve your sanity.

Based on the amount of light, it must be almost 9 am.

Before even opening your eyes, you already know that he isn’t there. It’s when you turn to the other side of the bed that you get the confirmation; he’s not beside you, just crumpled sheets cold to the touch.

It's one of those mornings you perfectly know where he went. As much as he may not want to admit it, Xavier is pretty predictable.

Halloween has just slipped by, and all of you however-reluctant-residents of Camp Redwood spent 24 hours of complete freedom from that hellmouth, that place which does nothing but constantly remind you of that life that none of the souls stuck there had the chance to live. 24 hours to do ‘whatever the hell you want’. On this occasion, you guys are used to split up and part from each other; it has become a sort of established practice not talking about what you did on those hours, a somewhat “private full-day experience” that you all have this silent agreement to not share.

But then there was Montana being Montana, who enthusiastically bragged about how many frat guys and girls she hooked up with and then mercilessly killed at those wild college gatherings, despite your well-known disappointment on killing innocent people in cold blood. But actually, you’re almost a hundred percent certain that she and Trevor annually spent that day together, doing crazy things and partying all night long. For the first few years, after becoming aware that all the trapped souls are somehow unbound from the invisible restraints and free to step outside the borders of the ‘slaughter camp’, acclimatizing to the evolution and changing of times has been particularly challenging.

You were the one of the gang that for years had used those 24 hours to find a way to set you spirits free from redwood, once and for all. You talked to mediums and psychics, charlatans, coming close to obsession; it has been Xavier who persuaded you to let go, begging to just give up.

“Xav, there must be a way out of this, a loophole…something that could release our souls and let us move on, I-”

“Babe stop, we tried hard enough, but that's just the way it is…and then at least there’s a bright side,” he claimed with a faint smile, stroking your cheek with his thumb.

“And what on earth can that be?” you sighed.

“We've got all eternity to be together.”

He’s always been your rock. A hotshot and a dork too, but still. You wouldn’t want anybody else by your side for the rest of your non-life. 

So, from that moment, once a year, you and Xavier chose to make the most of your ‘day off’ going on dates, like normal couples do. For over three decades.

Then, as they say, the sun comes up and reality sets in.

And every time, without skipping a year, having to go back to the camp and dealing with that dreadful reality killed Xavier’s mood drastically. His aching heart led him to want to pass the day after in complete isolation, lost in his thoughts, grieving about what he has lost.

“I need to be alone for a while, Y/N” he used to mumble with a shrug, his usual confidence gone all at once, “This ‘let’s play humans’ thing was a mistake.” 

And every single year you let him walk away, respecting what has now become a sort of ritual, of cathartic moment. Year after year seeing all those people living their lives, achieving their dreams, having a purpose, or just solely breathing was too much for Xavier. Realizing that he won’t ever have anything of this. For this reason, you always gave him space. But not today. You’ve always felt powerless; all you want is finding a way to let your boyfriend know that, as he had said decades ago, ‘it’s time to move on and accept your new reality’. No more sorrow. If there’s something you know is how to cheer up your favorite aerobics instructor. 

On this November 1st of what should be 2020, Xavier is, as well as the last twenty years, sitting on the dock by the lake and staring off into space, surrounded by a disturbing silence.

“Boo” you seductively whispered in the shell of his ear, appearing out of nowhere kneeled behind him.

“Nice try,” he replies sarcastically, albeit his tone was rather emotionless, plain. “…but I can tell when you’re around.” He doesn’t even turn, totally unimpressed by your weak attempt of scaring him.

“Lame” you smirk, suddenly getting up, “Thought you could use some company, tough boy.”

You can’t see his face but you’re sure he is rolling his eyes now. He just sighs. Oh, and do you love his drama queen manners.

Without a real invitation to join him, you sit down again, this time right next to him, swinging your legs off the dock. You stare at the same direction he’s looking at, nervously tapping your fingers on the hard-wooden planks to the beat of an 80’s song.

“So,” you casually begin, though he seems pretty lost in his own thoughts, “Why don’t we skinny dip? I bet that could wash away that sad face.” you grin, biting your lip. 

You’ve never been this cheeky before, but what’s wrong in testing the waters?! Honestly, you’re not even sure he is actually paying attention to what you’re saying; you feel almost lucky he acknowledged your presence. You sure as hell won’t budge or back off this time, you won’t indulge his annual pity party. This time you are more than determined to make your boyfriend feel better, even unleashing your secret anti-sadness weapon.

Evidently caught off guard from this unusual boldness, Xavier lifts his head and turns to you with a surprised look on his face, but frowning at the same time.

Damn it, how can he be so attractive even when he furrows his brows like that?

Right now, the glare of sunlight on the water is perfectly reflecting off his sharp features, and, in this one moment, it’s like everything else falls away, and it’s just the two of you. Nothing else matters but him. Just a few seconds and you’re positive you’re going to forget the reason why you are there in the first place.

It’s the soft sound of his voice that brings you back to reality.

“I’m not sad.”

You shoot him a spare-me-that-bullshit-glance, that doesn’t go unnoticed, since he immediately emphasizes what he said in an attempt to make it sound more convincing, a few octaves higher.

“I’m not sad, Y/N!”

Very well Xav, time to bring out the big guns then.

With what you think is the most serious and straight expression your face can make in that moment, you tenderly place a hand on this cheek, which results in his brows furrowing even more, as if he’s silently questioning your sudden change of demeanor. He’s already preparing to get your lecture when instead you come up with:

“Do you know why ghosts are terrible liars?”

With a combo of a dramatic pause and a poker face, you bite the inside of your cheek noting his confused and puzzled look, “You can see right through them.”

Xavier’s blue eyes suddenly widen, shocked by your brainless joke that you’re certain he wasn’t expecting. You remain silent and he looks at you with his mouth slightly open, completely speechless.

“No way, no no no,” his eyebrows raised even further, “You didn’t say what you’ve just said.” and despite his apparent grimace, he lets out a loud laugh he really can’t hold back.

“Any chance to unhear this cringe-worthy joke?”

“Oh stop, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Are you kidding me?” he dramatically snorts. Theatrical might be the right word to describe the way your boyfriend always reacts when he’s at a loss of words.

“If you were searching for a non-physical way to kill me, you just found it.” he puts a hand on his forehead.

“Then why are you laughing, blondie?” you tease him.

“Because you’re the worst comedian ever, baby.”

Yeah? A bulb glows on your head.

“I disagree. Now tell me, what do you call a ghost-comedian?”

“Don’t you dare.” he warns

“DEAD-FUNNY” you scream back, then bursting into laughter.

It starts as a chuckle, but soon Xavier can’t help but mirror your reaction, cracking up himself.

It’s a laughter that fills his lungs, so hard that it takes his breath away, loud yet so warm and pleasant. The lack of oxygen doesn’t matter. All the distress of the past few days melts; as long as you two stay together, the tension is relieved.

“Jeez, you’re lucky you’re the love of my life,” he lightly shakes his head, “...otherwise I would run away from you as fast as I can.” he lies, lightly bumping your shoulder.

Fixing quite unconsciously his signature bleached hair, always perfectly styled, has been his tic for ages. The first time you noticed it was when he nervously tried to divert attention from his blushing, finally bent on making a move on you. You two were friends, but head over the heels for each other.

He smiles at himself; even the thought alone of spending the eternity in that purgatory without you is inconceivable.

“Why don’t you write a book with all these bad jokes?!” he mocks you.

“Only with you as a ghostwriter!” and proud of your quick-but-cheap pun, you put on a massive shit-eating grin on your face.

“Are you fucking with me, Y/N?” Xavier smiles at you lovingly, pinching your side that he knows is a ticklish-weak-spot. 

Your body twitches to escape his hold and push his hands away, but when you grab his wrists something shifts inside you. Are your eyes clouded with…is it lust? You’re not sure what it is, but you give him a little smirk, and, much to Xavier’s surprise, you straddle him placing your hands on his toned chest.

“Not yet, babe…unless it is what you want.”

“God Y/N, you suck at flirting” he claims but the groan that slips out means he can’t hide his arousal as much as he would.

“Teach me, then. Still got the moves?” you slightly shift, making sure to adjust your position with a slow grind against his half-boner. He hisses and lets out a little moan in response.

“Very well, but I think we should work on your flexibility first.”

What follows is a series of slow open-mouthed kisses on your jaw and love bites on his neck. You will never get tired of this, not even in a million years.

“Hey, Romeo and Ghouliet! Stop fucking your brains out and get over here…we have a sort of guest.” Chet screams from the lakeshore.

“We are not!” You both manage to say, reluctantly interrupting your heated kiss.

“I’m dead dears, not stupid.” the brunette winks.

Damn cockblocker.

“A guest?” Xavier questions, tilting his head and looking at you as if you know what Chet is talking about. You shrug and ask the athlete who this person is and what exactly they want.

“I think it’s about our…condition. Clairvoyance shit, I don’t know. Her name is Billie Dean Howard or something.” Chet explains, not sure either what all this is about.

Xavier is the first to get up, helping you do the same.

“Maybe she’s just a ghost-obsessed freak who wants to reopen the camp?!” you wonder out loud and tenderly link your hand with your boyfriend’s, ready to go.

“Yeah, maybe. But it wouldn’t be a bad idea, though.”

[brittsekland]

Interview with Topper Headon, February 1980.

Turn off your mind, lie back on the couch and relax. We're going to have an association test. What do you think of when I say the Clash? Running battles with the grey forces of government? Three cord supercharged thrashes vilifying unemployment and public housing vegetation? Seething hordes of punks dancing themselves into a frenzy? Wrong. Times have changed. Punk is now locked as firmly into the past as hippies were in the sixties. Safety pins and bondage trousers are as passe as headbands and peace signs. The bands that characterized an era have disappeared. The Sex Pistols destroyed themselves, the Damned are a self-parody, which leaves the Clash. After an impressive first album and a fair second effort, their third a double recaptures the drive and energy of the first. The Clash have esestablished them-selves as the most talented band to emerge from the much vaunted new wave.

Their lastest album, London Calling, displays considerable evolution since early days of the band. The songs are more reflective and melodic. Songwriters Joe Strummer and Mick Jones contribute heavily but to a large extent the dexterity and adaptbility of drummer Topper Headon has enabled the Clash to develop their musicality. Topper is, perhaps, the most accomplished musician of the four-man band. His early training with a variety of different music forms from traditional jazz to soul, has provided a firm foundation for Strummer and Jones. Topper provides the matrix from which the rest of the band work. Topper believes the Clash have survived because they have staying power, because they haven't been afraid of changing and because they weren't hesitant to branch out when they grew tired of playing frenetic chords. "We've remained true to what we originally believed in," declares Topper. " We still enjoy playing our own songs. We're not going through any set patterns. The basic idea has been to remain true to what we believe in and not allow ourselves to be dictated to by the industry and become CBS puppets." They've done a deft job of staying ahead of big business machines. "We refuse to do Top of the Pops for example, even when the single came in at 29. CBS started to put pressure on us to do it. They tell us we won't have a hit single, and we say, so what? Who needs it? We wanted our double album to go out for £5 when everybody else's albums go out for a lot more. We had to fight battles to get a cheap record out. Obviously that's not in record company interests. They told us it was impossible. Maybe that's why we've stayed together; we keep setting ourselves impossible tasks. It gives us drive. Even on tour, the Clash are determined to keep prices down which certainly affects the bands take home pay. But money isn't what they want most. "What we want is for the kids to be able to see us," Topper says. Their attitude to irrates businessmen. "If anybody does something like sneak a video of us on television, we'd split up. And CBS know we mean business. We owe them so much money they can't afford for that to happen." The Clash are a refreshing contrast to the kind of bands that do anything to get their name on the dotted line. From the beginning it's been a complete turnaround from the usual state of affairs that exist between band and record company. The companies have been chasing the Clash. Topper joined the Clash between their first and second albums. Previously he was playing with a soul band that regularly toured Germany and British airforce bases. Regularly earning £50 weekly, Headon took a cut in pay to work with the Clash. "I knew at once that it was the gig I'd been looking for. Everything came quite naturally. By the time Topper joined the Clash, he was beginning to think he'd never pass an audition. Not many bands were signed before the British punk explosion. "They'd form a band for somebody from out-of-work musicians who had been thrown out of other bands. They knew the ropes, so they wouldn't kick up a fuss because they knew they were dispensable. Every time I went along for an audition, I was constantly beaten by drummers who had played for name bands and had 'experience'. It just went on and on like that." Topper had been playing drums since he was 13. Drumming was a habit he picked up when he had a broken leg which halted a promising football career. His dad spotted a second-hand kit in the local paper and bought it. By 14 Headon was regularly playing with a traditional jazz band. "For some reason bands were always short of drummers..." As far as tutoring, Topper never got past the introduction in the books. Paradiddles and triple paradiddles were as far as he got. Eventually Headon bought a Premier kit: "At that time it was the cheapest pro kit you could get. You could go into any music store and get one. Everyone stocked spares and fittings. That was one of the reasons why I bought a Premier. I'm still sold on silver kits because they look great under the lights." A few days before his first tour with the Clash he took possession of a silver Pearl kit, which he still uses. After a bit of chopping and changing of toms, he's wound up with a 24" x 17" bass drum, 14" x 10" top tom tom, 16" x 10" and 18" x 10" floor toms, and a Ludwig Black Beauty snare drum. All the cymbals are Zildjian - two pairs of 15" Heavy Rock hi hats, a 16" crash, an 18" crash, a 21" Rock ride, a 19" Rock crash, and a 20" Rock crash, plus a little Zildjian splash cymbal attachted to the top of the bass drum which he claims is driving the rest of the band mad. All the stands are Premier Lokfast Trilok stands. "I go for a real solid kit," claims Topper, "that's why I chose Pearl and Premier. They're really solid and serviceable, no frills on them. You get a good feeling when you sit behind them because they're so workmanlike. You think, 'Great, I ain't gonna knock these over.' I use rubber mats to secure the kit on the riser." "Although I have the kit basically the same most of the time, I do like to change it around occasionally. If I started to use wooden blocks on the riser then I'd be stuck with one position, and that can be limiting." When it became evident that the Clash were here to stay, Topper got the chance of a new kit, which he tried but didn't rate as much. However, he did take Pearl up on the offer of a recover and recon. He expects to have his present kit for at least another five or six years, providing it dosen't get dropped or broken. Another complaint from Topper is lack of service and spares outside London: "We've got a flight case which is like a miniature drum shop, it carries everything down to cymbal felts and spare lugs for the bass drum. We always take it with us on the road and keep it stocked up. "I begin a tour with everything I conceivably need, and gradually I get rid of things I don't need, so the kit gets smaller as the tour goes on. Once the hi hat busted, the spring went right inside, and it was impossible to fix up. It was a Saturday night when we discovered it, and we had a show on Sunday. Luckily, we were able to borrow a high hat stand from the support band." Topper is a man dedicated to acoustic drums. He regards synthisized drums as irrelevant: "They were alright for two weeks, then the novelty wore off. Personally I'm exploring different areas, like percussion. I even use finger cymbals on one track of London Calling. But thats the way to go - into acoustic percussion. There's so much scope there that I don't know why synthisized drums were invented in the first place." Miking up for a gig is a lot similar to miking up for the studio. Topper uses two overhead cymbal mikes, and two mikes for the double hi hat set up he uses. The toms are all miked from the top, and the snare drum is miked from beneath. He keeps both heads on and never keeps anything inside the shells. Topper uses very little damping live. What damping there is, is usually on the bass drum, and always external. All damping is with gaffer tape. Topper prefers AKG mikes, but on tour they vary depending on which PA hire company is being used. "I can go into the studio and get a good drum sound in an hour," continues Topper. Listen to the latest LP London Calling and you'll hear what he means. "The first time I went into the studio I was pretty green but I learnt from it. For London Calling I went straight in and knew exactly what to do. Everybody goes into the studio much more relaxed now. I use AKG mikes and everything is miked from the top except for the snare. Again I use double heads to get the boom sound, and I use room mikes to pick up the spillage, to make it sound more live without going over the top. The set up is exactly the same as I have live, really, except I don't use a bit of damping." The biggest problem with putting out the new album were recording costs. The Clash figure that the longer they spent in the studio, the more it would cost, the more money CBS would have to put up, and consequently they'd have a greater hold over the band. The Clash even put up some of the money themselves. Eventually they had the tape and told CBS: "You can have it if you meet our conditions." Topper admits that there are some mistakes on the album, and more than a few drum errors. That's the price to pay for the energy captured on the vinyl. London Calling was recorded in a month, with Guy Stevens producing. That's how it's going to be in the future, Topper maintains. The second album, Give Em Enough Rope, was not as successful as either the first or the third records, and Topper blames producer Sandy Pearlman for this. "He made it quite dull," Topper says. "He was a dull person to work with. We wanted a producer, CBS gave us a list of producers and his name was on the top. We listened to stuff he'd done with heavy metal bands, and we thought it was rubbish, but it was the production we were interested in. We wanted to get a good sound, and one complaint against the first album was that it sounded too thin. So we wanted some production that would stand up to time. So we got Pearlman. But he took so long to do it, with his perfectionism, that the prevalent feeling in the studio by the time he'd finished was boredom. When I think about recording that album I cringe." Problems don't end in the recording studio for the Clash. For a good few years now they've had constant trouble with local councils who insist on banning their gigs for fear of trouble. The whole surge of reaction against punk bands from "The Establishment" began with the infamous Sex Pistols. The daily newspapers portrayed the Clash as wreckers of society. "We're still getting that sort of prejudice," explains Topper. "We've had 16 gigs booked at various Mecca places, and then about 12 pulled out. You have to completely re-route the tour." The Hammersmith Palais cancelled a concert there because they said there were too many mirrors in the place to safely allow Clash fans in. "But our fans don't smash things anymore. They do if they're told what to do, like sit down in this seat and be a good boy. That's why out of all the gigs on our British tour only have two seats in them." Harassment from local villages takes other forms. The obligatory visit from the fire inspector often results in strict demands being laid down: "He says take that backdrop down, so we take the backdrop down, and he says erect more crash barriers, so we put up more crash barriers, he says this stage has to be rebuilt here, and you need more security. We just laugh at him and do anything he wants. Nothing can stop us playing. But they make life difficult." As time progresses, however, the Clash are becoming more acceptable, though not more respectable, Topper hopes. He makes the point that the Clash have to pay for all the damage that's caused, so why should they promote vandalism? Surprisingly, Topper found that the audiences in America weren't so much different to the British fans. The punk thing is really only just beginning to happen across the pond: "They're still into safety pins," declares Topper. "It's the same as the White Riot tour here, when there were about 300 or 400 fans dancing down the front with the rest there out of curiosity. But we sold out 25 of our 28 gigs there, and that was in 3,000 and 4,000 seater auditoriums. The States is so big. LA was just a load of old hippies lazing around getting stoned in the sun. I liked Chicago best, with all the blues clubs. But we should do well over there because the USA has all the same problems as Britain except they're magnified. They have all the slums and the poverty and more of a racial problem too." Highlighting social problems is one of the bands strong points. They should have plenty to write about in America. The Clash are political, and very definitely anti-National Front. Topper's favourite drummers come from America, such as Harvey Mason and Steve Gadd. His favourite British drummer is Terry Williams, who plays for Rockpile. Musically, his tastes are strictly black; James Brown, Otis Redding and lots of reggae, particularly the Mighty Diamonds. America looks tripe for the Clash. They've toured there twice and soon they should start to take off now that punk has spread. The Americans have been fairly slow catching on to what the 76' British New Wave was all about - perhaps they've been too wealthy for too long. With a new recession biting home, maybe the Clash will take on new relevance to downtrodden, unemployed kids in America. Topper himself represents a new establishment of musicians in Britain that once would have been unthinkable. Two years ago the Clash were vilified as not being "real" musicians. Their drive, talent and staying power has proved the cynics wrong. In general, the Clash have proved themselves to be dedicated professonials with firm ideals at heart. In particular, Topper Headon spearheads the drumming new wave with a forceful and accomplished style that can't be dismissed.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #301

“i was waiting for my chance to find the light”

Did you like the beach a lot more as a kid more than you do now? Why/Why not? I did. Everything was more fun as a kid. I never REALLY loved it, though, because I did and still do hate the heat and walking through sand and getting it stuck all over you. It's pretty much torture now because I have extreme difficulty walking through sand. Has there ever been a time where you just couldn't stop crying? Explain. I know I've had days many years ago when my PTSD was truly awful where I'd sob multiple times a day. What's your least favorite time of day? Why don't you like that time?Late afternoon, like around 3-4 or so. By that point I'm usually bored senseless and going downhill. Do you like your lips? Do you enjoy kissing? They're fine, ig. And I mean yeah, if I'm really into the person? Do you like any music from the American Idols? Which ones? Ngl, I don't even remember any besides Kelly Clarkson, and who the FUCK doesn't like "Breakaway." Do you like when people challenge you? If so, in what? No, I get nervous about embarrassing myself. Personally for you, is falling for someone way beyond your control? It is entirely out of my control. What's something other than a fruit that you love in milkshakes? (Ex.twix ) Mostly chocolate stuff, haha. What is your all time FAVORITE milkshake? Ever tried the Reese's Blast from Sonic? That's some A+ shit. What's the latest you've ever stayed up reading a book? No clue. When having a peanut butter & jam sandwich, what is the best kind of jam? Grape. Do you like to write poetry? Yeah, but it's been a long time since I wrote anything. I used to do it aaall the time, but now I have to be seriously motivated and dedicated to the idea. When you get mad do you cry? Absolutely. Would you ever consider modeling? No. I do think one or two model-esque photos of myself would be nice and possibly help my self-confidence, but it's not something I'm seeking out and paying for. Are you scared of crossing bridges? Not very, no. If they're kinda sketchy-looking, I might feel a tad tense, but I'm not really scared of them. Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am unfuckingbelievably clumsy. Ever bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Yeah, sometimes Mom would let me and my sisters do that as kids when one came through our neighborhood. Have you ever had a poem or story published? No. If you had/have a kid would you ever let them get a tattoo? If they were of the appropriate age, of course. And if they were getting it done professionally and not at some party drunk with friends. They better be in a sterile environment with someone who knows what they're doing. Do you love guinea pigs? Absolutely. I had three or four as pets when I was a kid. What is the worst thing you ever did that got you grounded? Probably run away from home. Have you ever been chased by a snake? No... and this is a misconception. Snakes don't chase. They go for what they see as the safest escape route, and sometimes they identify your own chosen direction as where they wanted to head, too. Where do you wanna work? I want to be a freelance photographer. What awards have you won? A lot of "A honor roll" trophies through school, among other academic awards. I seriously don't know what happened to that intelligence. I also have dance awards and lots of childhood sports team stuff. Would you consider yourself good at taking care of kids? I don't think I am, no. I'm way too nervous and awkward around kids. I've had to babysit for my sister twice though, and Ashley told me the kids had lots of fun and had no complaints. I guess like... I can do it, I am just very, very uncomfortable taking kids under my wing. I worry about leading them in the wrong direction. How old would a guy have to be before you wouldn't date them? I don't know, it would really depend on how much I was into the person. I generally stick with the approximation of a ten year gap though being my limit, so I think maybe him being in his mid-30s would make me feel a bit too weird. Be honest, have you ever tried weed? No, but quite honestly, I'd probably try an edible. I refuse to smoke anything for my lungs' sake. I'm curious if medical marijuana would actually be beneficial for me. Has anyone ever broken up with you with a note? No, but uh... I have, lol. It's how I broke up with my "puppy-dog love" boyfriend in middle school. Literally after he asked me if I was thinking of breaking up with him, and I said no before handing him the note because I was just too scared to do it to his face. I know, that was absolutely awful. Never, ever do that to the most innocent boy ever, kids. He didn't deserve that. Do you have sensitive teeth? Kinda. What was the worst thing you ever did to get detention/suspended? I've only ever had detention once for having too many tardies to my first class of the day in high school. We'd frequently arrive to school just a few minutes late because I was fucking impossible to drag out of bed. Have you ever suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder? Yes. Do you suffer from nasal allergies? Yes. What's your favorite kind of pudding? I only really like chocolate pudding. Have you done anything really interesting lately? I guess you could consider starting a virtual partial hospitalization program "interesting." It's not the intensive version like my first was, but rather being shorter. I just really need something to get my mental health back on the tracks. What’s the latest really fun thing you’ve done? REALLY fun? Hell if I know. I don't experience "fun" a lot at all anymore... I only ever feel like, this watered down, unenthusiastic sorry excuse for it. Have you discovered any good music lately? Oh yeah, I've found lots of 3TEETH songs I'm mad into. "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli is also a total bop. How about any good new television shows? No. Or perhaps some interesting books? Nothing new, no. Have you picked up a new hobby or learned a new skill? I mean, within what timespan? Nothing lately, really. Has anybody ever done your makeup for you? Yeah. Do you own any sparkly items of clothing? No. What’s the most colorful accessory you own and use? *shrug* Do you enjoy drag artists’ work? If so, name some of your favorites. Oh yes, I have wild respect for drag queens. I don't know enough of them to have a fair favorite, but I do watch Trixie Mattel on YouTube and he is a goddamn hoot. What, right now, is the best thing in your life? Um. I don't really know. Probably the fact my mother still lets my too-big-for-the-nest ass to live with her... I don't want to picture how my life would be if I didn't have her still essentially holding my hand. What’s a place you like to go to when you need to get away for a bit? I actually love car rides for this, so long as I can ride passenger and just blare my music and not talk. It's so odd, being afraid of driving but finding great freedom and comfort in just... going. Do you like apples? I love apples. Anything exciting coming up for you in the near future? I paid the deposit for my tattoo appointment, so it was officially scheduled in May!! I was expecting an open date to be kinda far with just how amazing this parlor is, so I wasn't too shocked to hear I have to wait a few months, but man I can hardly wait. When you get an account for something, what's the first username you try? Unless it's for a "professional" site, in which case I'd use my actual name, I just about without fail with use "Ozzkat," or replace the "o" with a zero if that's somehow taken. Would you be okay with a friend wanting to date one of your exes? Which ex? What kind of accent do people typically have where you're from? Southern. Does history interest you at all? Can't say it does. What's something you wish you could do-over? There are many things, man. Is your hair in layers or is it all the same length? Neither, really. The left side of my head is very short/shaved, and as the hair goes around to the right, it gets longer. There aren't "layers," though. Is there anyone who you're afraid to be in a car with, if they're driving? I wouldn't say afraid, but with my sister's road rage and serious tail-gating issue, riding with her can make me nervous. What's something you're very good at? Um, I guess creative writing. Do you like sour gummy worms? oh FUCK yeah Would you pick up a hitchhiker if they seemed harmless? No. I am way too paranoid for that shit. Would you be bothered if your boyfriend liked to bite you? Uhhh I'm going to assume you mean this in a sexual context, in which case I don't care so long as it's not in a visible spot. How often do you get the opportunity to be completely alone? The answer used to be a shitload, and seeing as I'm in my room most of the time, I still feel like that's kind of true, but since Mom's cancer diagnosis and she had to stop working, she's usually home with me. I like it that way, though. Total isolation is bad for me. Do you have a trampoline? Nah, haven't in many years. What's your favorite Pixar movie? Finding Nemo. What is the strangest thing you've been asked? Something sexual that made me extremely uncomfortable. What’s the weirdest thing about life that people just accept as normal? The fact we put so much worth into pieces of green paper. What's the most random thing you've done out of boredom? *shrug* What show did your parents not let you watch as a kid? There weren't any specific shows that we even wanted to watch that Mom forbade us to see... I mean she certainly wouldn't let my sisters and I watch something like South Park as little kids, but none of us really sought unsuitable shows out. We were all about Disney, Nick, and Animal Planet in my case. What is the most pleasurable feeling that doesn't involve anything sexual? What comes to mind first is a big hug from someone who makes you feel safe when you don't anywhere else. What was your last "oops, wrong person" moment? I'm going to assume I sent somebody a text meant for another person. I'm super careful about avoiding stuff like this because I get horribly embarrassed, so it's difficult to recall the last time I slipped up. What do you find attractive that isn't considered "normal" attraction? Having a broad imagination and drive to create. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done drunk? N/A What's something you really enjoy, but can't have? A pet tarantula because Mom refuses to let me lmao. I'm so into them now and desperately want a Grammastola pulchra. What Wikipedia article have you recently read? I haven't read any recently. What subject should be taught at schools, but isn't? Basic adulting and financial skills. What is the worst game you've ever played? I dunno. I've played sooooo many video games throughout my life. What tragic event was coincidentally beneficial to you? My overdose because it led to an intensive partial hospitalization program that totally changed my life. What did you think was cool when you were younger that you now think isn’t? Good question... What are your favorite or most memorable lines from any movie/show? I vaguely remember the concepts of some quotes, but not well enough to recite them. None that are seriously memorable or heavy pop up in my head now. What's a good example of 'Don't knock it till you try it'? Putting peanut butter on top of waffles with syrup. It is fucking delicious. What's your go-to get pumped up song? 5FDP's cover of "Mama Said Knock You Out" is badass HYPE. What's the dumbest thing your parents have said or done? Well, through a family assessment before my current partial hospitalization could begin, I very recently learned my dad fucking did drugs before my sisters and I were born, including shit like cocaine. That was great to suddenly learn. As for my mom... probably have a kid too young? She doesn't talk very much about her eldest daughter's history with (and without) her, but I know enough to know that was a very rocky time in her life. What are some things you wish existed? Cures for countless illnesses, and I also have SUUUUUCH a yearning for some kind of technology that could copy an image in your head onto a drawing device. If only I could draw how/what I see up there... Which person shaped you the most? Jason. Or Mom. What’s the one movie you couldn’t finish? Why? Couldn't tell you; I just haven't watched enough. What's a small thing you have a big passion for? Meerkats, quite literally with "small" lmao. What change have you made recently to help the environment? I have metal straws I try to remember to bring with me if I go out to eat. What was the hardest thing you've ever had to forgive? The way Jason left. Is there anything or anyone you're angry at, that you haven't forgiven yet? I sometimes question if I truly have forgiven Jason. I lean kinda heavily towards yes, I have, I'm just bitter about it all regardless. Have you ever plotted revenge against someone? No. Have you ever done anything to get revenge against someone? I can't think of anything off the top of my head. What is the greatest longing of your heart? To feel purpose. Who was your first love? Some guy in high school who "had" to talk to me upon seeing me the first time, only to wind up wanting to hear nothing from me later on down the line. What denomination is your church (if you go)? N/A What was the first year you voted in a presidential election? This most recent election, actually. Have you ever been afraid of the world ending? I used to worry it would happen in my lifetime, but now I don't. If it ends, it ends. I ain't got much to lose nowadays. What is unfair about your life? My mental health. My financial position. I'd rather not focus on the billion shitty things going on in my life rn, so next question. Did you write love poems when you were younger? ugh Who are you jealous of and why? There's a lot of people I'm in some way envious of, honestly. Have you ever had an account of yours hacked? Yes. Thankfully nothing major happened. Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No.

[slightlyobsessedwithstories]

First Dance

Notes: Day 1 of Jam week- Dance or exploration.

First time participating in something like this. Apologies if someone has written this scene before.

 Steven has always loved dancing.

 Even as a child most of his earliest memories are of him shaking to a song his dad was playing at the time. Wiggling his body, bobbing his head, and moving around his tiny limbs to express himself.

 That love grew even more when he discovered fusion. Seeing Amethyst and Pearl with two different styles—one that’s bold and one full of grace— combined to make something special and new.

 He wanted to learn every style of dance possible, wanting to expand what he knows and hoping that if he matched how the gems danced, so that maybe, just maybe, he could dance with them and experience what fusion was like.

 He started off with something slow and simple. He followed the video closely, memorizing each little step. He was doing great so far! If he keeps this up he’ll know exactly how to dance like the gems in no time!

 Garnet ended up finding him, laying at the floor. He had sweat all over him and his phone was blasting a fast paced tune.

 She was holding a glass of water, knowing that Steven would need it. She paused the music and gave it to him.

 He drank all of it in one go, “Thanks, Garnet. You always know what I need,” he said between each breath.

 She tapped her visor, “Future vision.” She crouched near him, “Before you ask, yes, you will be able to fuse someday.”

 Steven sat himself upright. He looked at Garnet, sure she was always right, but… there were just so many questions.

 “Do I have to have my own style? How do I get in sync with someone? How do you know when to do something? There isn’t even any music when you guys dance!” Steven’s questions came out rapidly, making him out of breath once more.

 “You’ll find out the answers sooner than you think,” she ruffled Steven’s hair and left.

 He wouldn’t found out the answers to those questions until later when he danced with Connie.

 He was so shocked to learn that she never danced in front of anybody. He couldn’t even believe it, why?

 She’d be pretty great at it, Steven thought while listening to Connie talk about the reason why she didn’t dance. He wanted to show her how fun it was to dance.

 “I just couldn't stop thinking about everyone staring at me.”

 “Well… no one’s staring right now?” he said not realizing he’s been staring at her for a while now.

 She looked at Steven’s eyes, practically begging for her to dance. She wants to but she doesn’t exactly have much experience and Steven has probably danced hundreds of times given how he’s around the gems. She decided to just answer his question, “Um… You are.”

 Steven turned his head away, a light blush on his cheeks as he noticed her staring at him. He wanted to try dancing with Connie, having fun dancing together. No rules on when to change positions, no complicated steps, just dancing to a nice song that reminded him of her.

 He played the song on his phone, soft beats of a drum filled their ears. He stuck his phone deep in the sand and walked a few steps away from Connie, who’s still a bit confused on what Steven was planning to do.

 While walking, he only now realized that he’s never danced with someone else before. Sure, he’s tried dancing with the gems (and failed) and whenever his dad had jam sessions with him they usually ended up dancing along, but Connie’s different.

 How does he even ask her? Is it as simple as holding out your hand and asking? What if she refuses? Does he just go back and pretend nothing happened?

 Steven was still blushing, covering his eyes with one arm as he shyly offered the other hand to Connie asking her to dance with him.

 For a few seconds she hesitated, staring at the outstretched hand before her. Thousands of thoughts entered her mind, Should she take it? They’re alone—well, not really alone since they're together—nobody would see them. It’s just Steven, who doesn’t even have a mean bone in his body. He would never judge her nor make fun of her.

 She put her hand in his and Steven even peeked through his hands to see her gesture, her hand in his—a sign of trust. Trust in him. 

 He put his other hand away from his face and smiled at her; she smiled back. It was a shy little smile, still worried about what’s wrong or what’s right in what she’s going to do.

 Steven pulled her close and guided her with little pulls and pushes for them to dance to the rhythms of the guitar. He can see her confidence rising as she gets used to the movement—her smile getting bigger and steps having more energy in them—and adds a little twist to make this fun.

 He twirls her around, the look of surprise on her face made Steven giggle. He ran a few steps away and encouraged her to just dance. Moving himself to the rhythm of the song.

 Looking up from his solo dance, he watches her shake around, feeling the beat, listening to her laugh. She was having fun, she was dancing in front of him.

 Right now thinking about fusion and other stuff didn’t matter, they were just two kids dancing to this sweet little tune while no one’s watching.

 They started to have a bit more fun with their moves, running around, waving their arms, the song was almost forgotten at this point as they run around.

 Steven tripped, trying to run opposite where Connie was going. With her reflexes, she grabbed Steven, just as he was about to hit the sand. The song was reaching an end, and they unintentionally ended it with a dip.

 They both laughed, and with a bright pink glow from his gem.

 Their first dance lead to another first.

[onestowatch]

BabyJake Wants His New Music to Bring Him Closer to His Fans [Q&A]

BabyJake is a name that has been circulating around the industry for a little over a year now. From putting out songs that make you dance, to songs that make you cry. But, do you really know who BabyJake is? Well, with the release of his brand new EP, Don’t Give Me Problems, Give Me Wine, we decided we wanted to dig deeper into who BabyJake really is. We were honored to sit down with this growing star and learn more about where he came from, and his future plans with music.

Ones To Watch: So, let’s start from the beginning and break it down. Where did the name BabyJake come from?

BabyJake: So, it started in a studio in Miami. Actually, at my buddy DVLP’s studio, a producer friend of mine. Somebody at the house just called me BabyJake one day, and like half of the people were like, “That is f***ing terrible, don’t go by that. It sucks ass. You’re huge, it doesn’t make any sense.” At that time I had a big beard and short hair, total Florida guy. And then half of the people were like, “Yo it’s sick. This name is sick, it’s ironic.” There was no Baby’s back then. All there was is Babyface, you know what I’m sayin’? It started as a joke, but after I signed to Scooter, it was a decision between me, him and DVLP on whether we keep the name or go with my full name Jake Herring. Then Scooter was like “BabyJake has a ring to it.” And I agreed, so we just kept it!

So when did you really know that music was going to be your future?

I fooled around with music until I was about 18 or 19. And around 19, I was like “I gotta chase this shit.” So I dropped out of school and just went for it. Ever since 19, I’ve just been grinding. I dropped my first ever EP [Little Mess EP] on March 26 of 2016, and one of those records (the title song Little Mess) hit over a million streams on Spotify from just being picked up by playlists. Nobody else around me ever thought it was going to happen, but I knew it was going to. I just thought, why not really chase after it?

Tell us about the successes off of “Cigarettes on Patios” and how that really changed things.

Man, that’s a really love hate relationship. I’ve grown so much since that record was released. I don’t necessarily feel like that record is my sound that I’m going for. Yes, are there parts of it that are incorporated into my sound now? One hundred percent. The record has been great. The success and notoriety of the record has been amazing, but everyone assuming that I’m the “Cigarettes on Patios kid” is not that amazing. And hopefully with this EP, I can break that. I want “Head In the Clouds” to break further than that song. And if I can do that, I’ll be more okay with that record [Cigarettes on Patios] doing so well. I’m so blessed on how it’s doing so well, but it’s a growing thing. If you’re an artist, and you don’t feel like the shit you made last year is trash, then you’re not growing as an artist, you know?

Totally! Tell us a little bit about the ever evolving sound and where you want to go with it.

I just went back to my roots really. I just went full circle. Originally, I was doing folk music. I came from a classic rock background, so I just came back around. I figured just because I picked up a guitar, doesn’t mean I have to write sad folk music, which is what naturally happened at that time in my life because I was sad. I was a college drop out, everyone around me was telling me I was going to fail. For two to three years I hadn’t made it, so I was naturally writing sad and depressing music. And as I came back around full circle this year, I realized I was in a different mentality and I’m able to make records I really really enjoy. The Cars, Tom Petty, they have my favorite records. So that being said, the change was just natural. If I didn’t allow myself to just naturally go through this process, I would’ve gotten stuck somewhere I didn’t want to be and my music would’ve plateaued.

Let’s dive into this EP! Tell us a bit about the story behind the name “Don’t give me problems, give me wine.”

So, if you don’t know, now you’re going to know, but in my single “Confidant”, I say the phrase “don’t give me problems, give me wine” in the hook. Up until the end of May, we were going with the title “Head In the Clouds EP”. But then we realized that 88rising had a “Head In the Clouds” project. And I said, “I don’t want to copy anyone. I don’t want to come after anyones throat, I love everyone in the industry. I love the 88rising guys, so let’s change it.” We were already planning on dropping merch with “don’t give me problems, give me wine. So I was like, let’s just go with that as the name. I like the phrase, it’s really something that will stick with me my entire life, it’s genuine to me. I don’t want to hear you bitch about your problems, take a sip of wine and sit alone, man. Go through it alone, then approach me and say “yo let’s get drunk off a bottle of wine” and then we’ll talk about life. Who likes to talk about life sober?

Out of the three singles released, which was your favorite and why?

“Confidant” was definitely my favorite. It’s tight. Between “Blue Cellophane” and “Confidant” but “Confidant” just because I feel like I figured out the formula for creating alternative pop music that I enjoy and that others enjoy. It just hits me with what I really want to do.

Out of your new songs on the EP, which do you think will be your next big song?

I think it’s going to be “Head In the Clouds”! Like I said with “COnfidant”, the formula is similar. It’s its own song completely, but it follows the same type of groove and rhythm. I think the song is going to resonate and listen to it and be like “what does this fall under?” Kind of like the “Cigarettes on Patios” shit. Like, it’s almost alternative, but I’m rapping on it. Then I’m singing like it’s a pop record. So like, where does this fit and how do we react to it? I think when the song comes out and you have to ask yourself those questions, I think the song ends up doing better. As much as I like “Anywhere”, which is my favorite song I’ve ever written, I think “Head In the Clouds” will resonate with people more, because people just want to feel good. Especially during times like these. They want to party and have upbeat music, that’s what we need right now.

So do you think “Anywhere” will be the underdog of the EP?

I think both “Anywhere” and “Bread & Butter” will be. They’re those songs everyone sleeps on in the beginning, then comes back around and bites ya in the ass. I think they’re going to be hidden gems, and hopefully, to anybody who’s reading this, some TV show or movie picks up “Anywhere” and puts it in there. If you want to, hit me up! My number is “......”

Amazing. So lastly, what message do you want this EP to send? As an artist, what do you hope this EP gets across to everyone?

I think because this EP was just a big “full circle” type of thing, my message with all of my music going forward is just to stay true to yourself. Write and do things that are important to you and hope that other people resonate with them. I think the best music in the world is music that people write out of their own personal experiences, you know? A lot of artists are out here saying “I’m going to make a Tik Tok record” or “I’m going to make a record that gets on these playlists.” I’ve tried that, I’ve done it, and it doesn’t work for me. It probably won’t ever work for me. I don’t even necessarily think it works for anybody. For particular people it might, but it won’t work forever. I think my message is just all about true expressionism and allowing other people to reflect themselves through my music. And when live music starts up again, I really want to be engaged with the crowd. I want my fans to know I’m within arms reach, and that’s most important to me.

Listen to Don’t Give Me Problems, Give Me Wine below.

[rpf-bat]

The Hardest Part Of This Is Leaving You

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Genre: Angst, Drama

Summary: Gerard should be playing a sold-out show. Instead, he’s in a hospital bed, fighting liver cancer. Can the doctors grant him a miracle? Or, is this the end?

“We need to have this conversation,” Gerard insisted, crossing his frail arms, as he sat on his hospital bed. 

“No, we don’t,” you frowned. “The procedure is gonna be a success. The doctors are gonna cure you.”

“Honey, it’s already stage three,” Gerard confessed realistically. “You know if it progresses to stage four, I’m a goner.” 

“We flew across the country, to this hospital, so that it won’t progress to stage four,” you insisted. “I want to believe that the surgery will be a success.” 

“You can hope for the best,” Gerard sighed, rubbing his hand through what was left of his short, blonde hair, “but you have to be ready for the worst, too.” 

“I’m not ready for it,” you admitted, tears choking your voice. “I hate seeing you so emaciated, in such pain, and not being able to do a thing about it.”

“It’s not your fault,” Gerard soothed, getting up from the cot to gather you in his arms. “Cancer can affect anyone. Nobody knows why it chooses its victims.” 

“Gee, you need to get back in bed,” you insisted. You couldn’t have him falling again. “I should be the one consoling you, when you’re going through all this shit, not the other way around.” 

He slumped back onto his pillows, frowning. You remembered how he used to look in the morning, his long locks strewn out on your bed behind him as he was just waking up. He looked so gorgeous then. You remembered the horror you had felt, the first time one of those handsome strands had fallen out. And then he’d begun to lose them in clumps….

“I hate you seeing me like this,” he said softly. “I’m weak, and ugly now. I’m not the man you fell in love with.” 

“Yes, you are, Gee,” you assured him, taking his too-thin hand in your own. “I promised to stay with you in sickness or health, and I meant that.” 

“We could’ve had a nicer ceremony, if we weren’t in such a rush, because of me,” Gerard sighed. “I wish you could’ve had a big church wedding, like in the movies. You deserve that.”

Instead, you’d just gone down to the courthouse one afternoon, and signed a marriage certificate. There had been little formality to it. 

“You said you wanted to make me your wife, before the end came,” you reminded. “I could never refuse you your dying wish.”

“So you do, in fact, acknowledge that I’m dying,” your husband said, with a wry smile. 

“Maybe the doctors will give us a miracle,” you insisted hopefully. “And we can do the big ceremony, with the white dress and all that, later, once you’re feeling healthy again.” 

“I’m never going to be healthy again, sugar,” Gerard mumbled. “The sooner you accept it, the easier it’s gonna be.” 

How could you possibly accept it? Gerard was still so young. Only twenty-nine years old. He’d just recorded perhaps the greatest album of his career. 

The papers were already saying things like, he will leave behind this record, as his legacy. But, you thought he still had so many songs in him left to write. He deserved a chance to compose them, didn’t he? 

You couldn’t forget how he’d cried, when he’d had to make the announcement, that he was cancelling the rest of the tour. He didn’t want to disappoint his fans, but his condition was just deteriorating far too fast. 

His bandmates had cried, too. They knew that that last show, might be the last chance they ever had to perform by his side. They weren’t ready for the band to come to such an abrupt end. They’d played their hearts out, even with tears streaming down their cheeks. 

“You’re gonna get better,” you said stubbornly. “Then, you can reschedule those tour dates, go back to doing what you love.” 

“Y/N, please be realistic,” Gerard pleaded, squeezing your hand tighter. “Just….read it, won’t you?”

“No,” you sobbed. “No, I don’t want to read your will.”

“I spent all this time writing it,” Gerard sighed. “I put a lot of thought into it.” 

“I don’t want you thinking about who gets your stuff when you’re gone,” you cried. “I don’t want you giving up - I want to hear you say that you’re determined to live!” 

“You think I don’t want to live?!” Gerard demanded. “You think I don’t wish every day, that I could have more days, more nights, with you? You think I don’t regret spending months away, with the band, when I should have spent every single day in your arms? I wanted to be with you until your dying day. I wanted us to grow old together. And I hate the thought of you having to bury me so soon. But it’s not up to me! I only have as many days,  as God is willing to give me on this earth.” 

“God is a bastard,” you hissed, “for stealing you away from me. From all the kids who need you, too. If He’s even up there at all.” 

“Now’s not the time to go dissing the man,” Gerard chuckled mirthlessly. “If this surgery doesn’t do what you’re hoping it will do, getting on your knees to pray, will be the only option you have left.” 

You couldn’t hold back your tears. You reached over and just held him tight, squeezing him until you worried it might hurt his fragile body. But, he didn’t pull away. 

“I don’t want to let you go, Y/N,” Gerard whispered desperately. “Not now. Not ever.” 

You clung ever tighter, stroking his back gently, hating how you could so easily feel his bones. 

“I don’t wanna leave you,” Gerard confessed vulnerably. “I don’t wanna go yet.” 

You didn’t know what to say. You just kept hugging him, and crying. He was right - at the end of the day, what he wanted, might not make a difference at all. 

At last, he raised his head to look at you. “If the end comes for me, my love…” 

“Yes?” 

“You don’t wanna read it, fine, I’ll summarize it for ya,” Gerard said bitterly. “I’m leaving you everything that I got. All the money I’ve earned off CD sales, ticket sales, merch sales….all that shit’s gonna be yours. Do whatever you want with it. Buy a mansion. Buy a car. Take a vacation to Aruba, to try and forget about me.” 

“As if I could ever forget you, Gee,” you replied, shocked by the harsh tone that had suddenly entered his voice. “You’re the love of my life, don’t you know that? You’re the only one for me.” 

“Don’t say that, Y/N,” Gerard warned. “I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life just...mourning me, as my widow. You deserve to be happy, even if it’s not with me. Someday, I hope you’ll be able to find somebody else.” 

“I don’t want anybody else,” you vowed. “I want you, Gee. And I don’t give a fuck about the money. I don’t care if I live in a cardboard box, as long as you’re living there with me.” 

“I don’t think I’m going to be doing much living, sugar,” Gerard sighed hopelessly. “With you, or without you.” 

You heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, and jumped off the hospital bed in surprise, as a nurse entered the room. 

“Mr. Way,” she said softly. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but we’re ready to take you into surgery now.” 

You watched her wheel the gurney out of the room, towards the OR. You saw the defeated look in his eyes as he left your side, regardless of what he’d just said a few minutes ago. 

Now, all you could do was wait. You knew it might be hours before the procedure was complete. The doctors would call you when it was over, to give you the good news, or bad news. You had no way of knowing which it would be. 

You began to wander the hospital corridors aimlessly, until you came upon a small, empty chapel. You knelt down in a pew, unsure what else to do. 

Please let the doctors save him, you begged, even though you weren’t sure if anyone was listening. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

“Mrs. Way?” a soft voice asked, as you felt a tap on your shoulder. It took you a second to realize the nurse was speaking to you - it had only been a short time ago, that you’d taken Gerard’s name. 

“Your husband just came out of surgery,” she explained. “He’s in room 1023. The anesthesia should be wearing off. He should be waking up soon.” 

You didn’t wait to hear any more. You rushed to Gerard’s side. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

You stroked his hair as you watched him sleep. He looked like an angel. 

“Hey, beautiful,” he mumbled, a smile spreading across his face, as he stirred at your touch. You still thought he was beautiful, too, even with the breathing tubes stuck up his nose. 

“How are you feeling?” you asked gently. 

“I’m on a lot of painkillers right now,” Gerard chuckled. “So right now, I’m not feeling very much at all.” 

“The area we operated on, may hurt quite a bit later, unfortunately,” said a somber voice, and you turned to see a doctor with a clipboard, standing at the entrance to the room. 

Gerard pulled up his hospital gown, to gaze down at the bandage that now covered most of his abdomen. 

“We’re fortunate,” the doctor went on, “that a combination of aggressive chemotherapy, and trans-arterial embolization, gave us enough time to find you a donor.” 

“I know I only got moved to the top of the transplant waiting list, because I’m a celebrity,” Gerard said guiltily. “There are other people who need new organs just as much as me, who just can’t afford to be treated at the best hospitals in the country, like I can.” 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Mr. Way,” the doctor cautioned. “There’s still a chance that your body could reject your new liver.” 

“What happens if it does?” you asked, grabbing hold of Gerard’s hand again. What if you came all this way for nothing? 

“If the cancer has metastasized to too great a degree, then, unfortunately, the transplant may prove ineffective,” the doctor acknowledged. 

“And then I’ll die,” Gerard realized somberly. 

“Yes, Mr. Way,” the doctor nodded sadly. “We will, of course, be administering cyclosporine to you via IV, to reduce the chances of transplant rejection. But, if you develop a fever, or if you begin to experience severe abdominal swelling, you should alert us immediately.” 

“Because the organ you just gave me, could turn traitor and kill me, too,” Gerard huffed. “Just as easily as the disease that you’re trying to cure.” 

“Cancer is one of the most difficult diseases in this world to treat, Mr. Way,” the doctor sighed. “But, we will hope for the best.” 

Hope for the best, but be ready for the worst. 

You were so sick of hearing this. You just wanted to know if the man you loved would be okay, or not! 

The doctor excused himself, and Gerard tugged on your hand as soon as you were alone, sending you tumbling into his hospital bed. 

“Careful!” you cautioned. “You don’t want to pop a stitch!”

“I just….need you in my arms right now,” Gerard said passionately. “I’m scared, Y/N.”

You complied with his request, embracing him gently. You wanted to hold him tighter, but you didn’t want to hurt him. 

“I’m scared, too,” you said softly. “We still don’t know how this is gonna end up….if you’re going to go into remission, or not.” 

“But, for tonight, I’m alive,” Gerard smiled, and wiped a tear from your lashes. “I know any moment could be my last….but I’m so happy that in this moment, my heart is still beating, and you are here, by my side.”

“There’s nowhere in this world,” you promised, “that I would rather be.” 

“Kiss me now,” Gerard begged. “And one day, if I live through this, if my body can take it, just ravish me.” 

“You know I will,” you smiled softly, and bent, and placed your lips on his. Nothing was certain tonight  - except for the love that you shared together. But, even if Gerard saw it as a foregone conclusion, you weren’t ready to give up on him just yet.

A/N: This story may be fictional, but for many people, the pain of watching a loved one go through cancer, and it’s treatment, is all too real. If you are able, please consider donating to Be The Match, an organization that helps match leukemia patients with bone marrow donors. 

https://bethematch.org/support-the-cause/donate-financially/

If you are 18+ and in good health, you can also register as an organ donor, if you wish, through Donate Life.

https://www.donatelife.net/

[blogusediphones]

Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Buy an iPhone

This has been the week from hell as far as iPhone hype goes. Over and over and over, we’ve all been subjected to more and more iPhone blather. Enough already! It’s time to cut this stupid phone down to size, once and for all! And mark my words, that’s all it is…a stupid phone! It is not a cure for cancer, it will not bring peace to the world, it will not feed the hungry or provide homes to the homeless. It’s a freaking phone and it’s high time somebody drew a line in the sand and said: Thus far and no farther with the iBlather! So here are ten reasons why you should NOT buy an iPhone. No doubt the Apple Cultists will flame me for saying it like it is but it’s about time somebody did. So here is why you should avoid this vile piece of over-hyped crap:

10. Too Expensive

Is Apple kidding us? $599 for a freaking phone? Wow…just wow. No phone is worth that much money even if it has a few “gee whiz” and “it’s neat” type features. Apple has gone way, way off the deep end this time with the price of this behemoth phone. Why would anybody be foolish enough to pay that much for a cell phone? Are people that addicted to blabbing on the phone that they must pay $600 to do so? Sheesh, get a life people. Do you really want to waste your money lining the pockets of Steve Jobs and his minions at Apple? Take the $599 and do something productive with it instead of wasting it on yet another over-hyped, over-priced Apple product.

9. Tiny Storage

Well just as with the iPod, we can always count on Apple screwing us over with tiny amounts of storage space. The $499 iPhone has 4GB and the $599 has 8GB. What on earth does Apple expect people to do with that tiny bit of storage space? Think about it. The vaunted iPhone is supposed to be able to play movies as well as play songs. Well how many movies are you going to be able to store with just 4GB of storage space? And how many songs can you carry? To say nothing of your other data that you might need to tote around with you. Apple appears to have rushed headlong into the release of the iPhone with no thought whatsoever about how starved for storage space iPhone users will soon be. And what does Jobs think is going to happen? That people will carry around a terabyte external hard disk with them to desperately try to carry their needed data? Come off it, Steve. The minimum data storage for the $499 iPhone should have been 500GB at the very least with the top of the line model having at least 800GB or preferably 1 terabyte.

8. Stylish and Stupid

There’s no doubt about it that the iPhone look “stylish” when you first see it. But isn’t that really the problem with all of Apple’s products? They look pretty but provide very low value for the price? Do you really want to be a loser that overpays for the iPhone just to look cool for a little while? Don’t forget that no matter how “stylish” you look, sooner or later other people will have an iPhone and then you’ll just look stupid. Is that what you’re really after? To look stupid trying to be cooler than everybody else? Hey, you can do that without spending $600. In fact, you may have already achieved that goal just by reading this column but I’ll leave that to each reader to decide for themselves.

7. Stuck With AT&T

One of the worst things that Apple ever did was to sign a five year exclusive agreement with AT&T to be the wireless provider for the iPhone. Five years! So if you use Verizon, Tmobile, or some other provider, you can’t get an iPhone unless you switch to AT&T. To date AT&T doesn’t seem to have all that great of a reputation as a mobile service provider. I can’t speak from experience because I’ve never used them but isn’t it odd how a fossil from telephone service days gone by (AT&T) ended up in bed with Apple, a company that likes to pride itself on being “cutting edge.” It’s the telecom marriage made in hell! What exactly was Apple thinking here? Did it deliberately decide to screw over customers on other services? We’ll never know what on earth was going through Steve Jobs’ head when he made this wacky decision (was his turtleneck too tight and it cut off the blood supply to his head?) but anybody on a different wireless carrier will have to live with it unless they want to switch to AT&T.

6. Edge and Not 3G

Apple’s decision to go with AT&T is also costly for another reason. The iPhone apparently will be using AT&T’s super-slow and crappy Edge data service instead of 3G. Wow. Another major screw-up by Apple. Are you willing to pay for a slow data connection on your “cool” iPhone? Stop and think about that for a minute. You’re going to be paying for a data service that might take a few minutes to load this web page, depending on how it performs that day you use it. Given that the iPhone is supposed to be “cutting edge”, I can’t imagine what Apple was thinking to release it on a service that doesn’t offer 3G data transfer speeds. It’s like Apple released a corvette that can only go up to 35mph. What the heck is the point?

5. No Flash or Java Support

Flash and Java are both pretty basic parts of the web experience. And yet Steve Jobs and his lackeys have arbitrarily decided to exclude them from the iPhone web experience. So much for “the internet in your pocket” blather that Jobs was spewing earlier on. It’s more like the “crippled, crappy, lame version of the Internet in your pocket” instead. No doubt though that Apple’s marketing department will probably put their usual spin on this and start touting the iPhone as being “Flash-free” or “Java-free” as though both things were positives instead of negatives. And you know what? The Apple Faithful will eat it up! They’ll storm out onto the Web and begin filling discussion forums and newsgroups with inane comments about how the iPhone “protects” users from evil things like Flash and Java. I guess when you’re the head of a cult, you can make people believe anything.

4. Two Year Contract and $175 Termination Fee

When you buy an iPhone you better get ready to pay out even more! You’ll have to agree to a 2 year contract, whether you like it or not. And what happens if you decide to switch to another wireless provider? Get ready because you’ll have to cough up another $175 to regain your freedom from the tyranny of AT&T and Apple. Talk about a ripoff!

3. No Keyboard

I’m sorry but I’m not buying the “multitouch is great” line of thinking. I don’t want to be dependent on a stupid touch screen, I want a keyboard! Who knows how accurate the iPhone’s touch screen keyboard will be? Early rumors suggest that it might be a disaster in the making. Do you really want to pay $599 or even $499 to find out that it’s a total pain in the rear end just to text somebody and that you have no option whatsoever for a built-in keyboard? What was Apple thinking here? No hardware keyboard and a dubious, iffy software based keyboard that could be completely unusable for most people? No thanks! Put a hardware-based keyboard in the next version, Apple, and maybe it will be worth considering.

2. Crapfari Instead of Firefox​

One of the most disappointing and shocking things about the iPhone is that it ships with the second (or is it third or fourth rate?) browser known as Safari. I prefer to call it Crapfari as there are just far too many sites that don’t work properly with it for me to consider it a real browser. Instead of shipping with a real browser like Firefox, Apple chooses its bastard step-child of a browser. And then it has the temerity, the impudence to release the same bug-ridden piece of junk on Windows right before the launch! Could Apple be more arrogant? How many people are aware of just how bad the Crapfari browser really is and that they will have no alternative on the iPhone? I bet there will be a lot of shocked and angry iPhone users once they start trying to use the web and find that the Crapfari browser won’t display their favorite sites properly. Well what did they expect from a fourth rate browser anyway?And here’s the number one reason why you shouldn’t even consider buying an iPhone:1. I’ll Get to the Apple Store Ahead of YouIf you’ve read this far then you’ve finally discovered the *real* reason I wrote this column.You see, I’m out to dissuade as many people as possible from buying an iPhone so that I have less competition on Friday when I go to get mine. Yep, this entire column is nothing more than a self-serving ruse at giving myself the best chance possible to snag an iPhone on opening day.The fewer people that are interested in the iPhone, the better my chances at getting one! So in this column I’ve just regurgitated all the usual FUD about the iPhone, Apple, and AT&T in a blatant attempt to discourage you from being remotely interested in buying one.And I want one…make no mistake about it…I want an iPhone…bad! It’s all I’ve been able to think about for the last few days…I’ve been dreaming of ditching my crappy Verizon phone and holding the sleek, sexy iPhone in the palm of my hand.Yes…I must have one…and I will have one! No matter who or what gets in my way! So don’t even bother to leave your house on launch day to get an iPhone. If you do, you’ll find that I got there ahead of you and bought the last one. Muhuhahahahha! Suckers!Did my ruse work? Have you been dissuaded from buying an iPhone? Tell me in the forum.

[danyka-fendyr]

As the Raven Flies: Part 4

I can’t even believe I made it to a part 4 of this story. I owe most of it to everyone who comments, to be honest. I’m an absolute slut for literally any kind of reaction. Like, oh? I made you laugh? Here have an entire novel have a great day thanks. Anyway, I only did lazy editing on this, but that’s because I forgot to write it throughout the week since I’m newly back to school and so I wrote this in like an hour and it’s 2:22 AM at the time I am queuing this and i’M TIRED OKAY

Taglist: @dreamwritesimagines @rhabakoli @disengagefrmreality

Word count: 2186

“See you tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry, exactly what conversation went down while I was getting an education?” Vivien stood in Matt’s living room, shocked.

Matt, for his part, was sitting at the kitchen counter looking like he was physically in pain. Well, he probably was, Vivien figured, but he also looked like there was considerable emotional pain.

“Frank made the…” Matt paused, gritting his teeth, “unfortunately good point that I may not be totally fit for childcare.”

“And so you’re kicking me out?” Vivien fought the tears coming to her eyes, fueled by her outrage.

“It’s not like that, Vivien.”

“Oh like heck it isn’t,” she spat.

“Listen, I’m not just putting you out on the streets, it’s-”

“I decide where I go,” Vivien interrupted. “If that’s the streets than it’s the streets.”

“Listen, Frank knows some very nice people,” Matt tried.

“Yeah, I’m sure he does. I don’t want to get to know them. I certainly don’t want to bust down their door demanding they give me food and shelter.”

“It wouldn’t be like that.”

“I’m no one’s charity case, Matthew!”

Matt flinched at her volume, and maybe at her words as well. He stood slowly, sighing as he crossed the room to put a hand on her shoulder. His eyes tried to focus on her, drifting over her shoulder and swimming in the flames that illuminated his world. Sometimes Vivien wondered if the fire he saw outside lit him up on the inside as well, burned through him like it burned through her, bright hot and slicing its way up and out.

“I know you’re not. I know...I know you’re not a charity case. Not mine. Not anybody else’s. But Vivien, I’m trying to protect you.”

“How is this protecting me?” A hot tear rolled down her face as she whispered the words, and she dashed it away with her sleeve.

“You and I both know this isn’t working. You survive on take out and Ramen noodles, you don’t get enough sleep, you’re permanently exhausted and you’re hurting and I...I don’t know how to fix that, Vivien.”

For the first time, Vivien saw how much the blind man could actually see. He looked so helpless like this, hands grabbing at fistfuls of his hair, scrambling for something to hold onto. And for a moment, she saw how bad she really was at hiding how much everything hurt. She had always known he caught glimpses, but now…

“I don’t know how to make this better,” he whispered, eyes dull as they watched the floor, as he felt the vibrations of the city moving around them and heard its song.

Vivien wasn’t sure when it happened, but she was crying. Gosh, she was crying like a baby, fat tears falling down her face faster than she could wipe them away, mouth twisting into some twisted version of the fake smiles she had trained herself to wear and couldn’t even escape when she cried. He was right, and she was crying about it.

She had sunk to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest, and Matt joined her, arms wrapping around her softly like he could protect her. They both knew he couldn’t, but it was so much easier to just pretend.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, rocking with her sobs. “I’m so sorry. I promise, I promise you Vivien, I am not abandoning you. We’re going to figure this out. We’re going to find you a home.”

“I don’t want a home.” Her voice came out as a high keening sound. “I want here. I want to stay here.”

“I know. I know.”

And that was all they said. For a long time, they stayed like that, crying on the floor in an ugly apartment right in the thick of Hell’s Kitchen. Vivien knew from experience though that she could only cry for so long.

She sniffled, wiping at her face again, and Matt handed her another tissue. At some point, he had grabbed a box of them.

“Does Karen know?”

Matt looked at her. “What?”

“Does Karen know?” Vivien repeated.

“Oh. We forgot to tell Karen. Huh.”

“Matt!” Vivien punched him in the arm, not bothering to go light.

“Ow! Okay, okay, we can tell her. She’s supposed to be coming over anyway. Any minute now.”

Speak of the Devil.

“Matt?” Karen’s muffled voice could be heard from the other side of the door as she knocked.

“Come in!”

Vivien scrambled to make herself look presentable, trying to hide the very obvious fact that she had been crying. Matt stood up, helping her to her feet and kindly not mentioning her bloodshot eyes that probably made it look like she’d started a marijuana garden in Ms. Simmons’ biology lab.

“Hey, you said-” Karen dropped her bag on the floor, taking her coat off in a rush so she could cross the room to get a better look at Vivien.  “Oh my gosh. Is everything okay?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Karen glanced between the two, raising an eyebrow.

Vivien sighed. “Also yes.”

“What happened?” Karen gave her a concerned look.

“Frank Castle happened. He’s the worst, K. You don’t have my permission to date him.”

“I am not dating Frank.”

“Good. He’s a jerk and I hope he accumulates an absolutely massive amount of cabbage and then has it all destroyed in a series of unfortunate events.”

“Oh no. She’s swearing. Seriously Matt, what happened?”

“Frank pointed out that I might not be the fittest caretaker for Vivien,” Matt said, reluctant to look anywhere near where he could hear Karen.

“Well, I can see that. Poor thing. Has he even fed you yet? Do you want me to make something? You look like you need some soup sweetheart.” Karen gently wiped at some stray tears Vivien had missed.

She shook her head, sniffling again. “I can eat in a minute, Karen. It’s not important.”

“And that’s why you’re a terrible influence on her.” Karen glared at Matt, forgetting he couldn’t really see it.

 “Which is why she won’t be staying with me anymore.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“That’s what I said,” Vivien spoke up.

“Matt, as bad as you are at this whole childcare thing, I’m not sure leaving her on the streets is your next best option.”

“I am not leaving her on the streets!” Matt exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Well, then what is happening here?”

“Frank suggested he could find Vivien a better home. She could quit being a vigilante and start being a normal teenager. Frank knows a guy who knows some really nice veterans.”

“First of all, I’m not quitting vigilantism. I just got a name! Secondly, I would rather be on the streets than with some random stranger.”

“You’ve made that very clear,” Matt grumbled.

“You can’t tell me what to do Matt. Technically, I’m an adult.”

“Your legal status absolutely does not make you an adult.”

“According to Uncle Sam it does.” Vivien stuck her chin out defiantly.

Karen had been watching this whole exchange with a fascinating look on her face. If the two had bothered to glance her way they would have seen that she was clearly deep in thought. It almost looked like the face she made when she was trying to sort through all the details of a new story.

“You guys,” she said.

“Well then you can go join the army if you want to be treated like a real grown up.”

“Guys-”

“Maybe I just want to have some input in decisions that will drastically impact my life, Matthew.”

“You guys!”

Both of them turned to her, blinking like a couple of deer in the headlights.

“Why doesn’t Vivien just stay with me?”

“I feel like I’ve said this a lot today, mostly in math class, but what?” Vivien stared at her like she had grown another head.

“I mean, think about it. I’m clearly more fit to be your caretaker than Matt -not that that’s difficult-” Karen paused to roll her eyes. “I have the space in my apartment, I did the math and I make enough money for the extra cost. It would be perfect.”

“Karen, no,” Vivien said. “I can’t let you do that.”

“Why not? Sleepovers every night.”

“I know, but the money, Karen. I can’t.”

“You can. End of discussion.”

Well there was really no arguing when Karen said end of discussion.

“I guess I’m moving in.”

It was no cup of tea moving all of Vivien’s stuff to Karen’s place. She hadn’t thought she owned that much stuff, but apparently, she had been wrong. She had a habit of keeping silly things for nostalgic value. Or, in Matt’s words, “You’re a hoarder! You need help.”

Vivien yawned. It was officially way too late for any normal teen to be up, and after this day she didn’t feel so keen on stopping any crime. She just wanted to curl up in her new bed and go to sleep.

They could have moved her in another day, but Vivien had wanted to do it tonight. She reasoned that if she didn’t do it now, she would lose her nerve. She had also incorrectly presumed she owned fewer things, as previously stated. Mistakes were made.

“I am in physical pain,” Vivien groaned, slumping down on Karen’s couch. “And if I have to put one more thing in a box, I’m going to just start screaming.”

“No more boxing things. Now we just have unboxing. The good news is, we can take our time with the non-essentials. Potentially put them in a storage unit and never let them see the light of day ever again.”

“Oh. That sounds delightful.”

“How does sleep sound?” Karen sat down beside her, long reddish blonde hair spilling over the back of the sofa slightly.

“It sounds good. I love sleeping here because I get to sleep on an actual bed instead of Matt’s couch. But don’t tell him I said that.”

“You know I’m still here, right?”

Vivien cracked an eye open. “I did not know that. Thank you for all of your help Matty. Your couch was very comfortable. I will see you next week for bridge.”

“I don’t even know how to play that game.”

“Neither do I, so we’re on even ground.”

Matt just sighed, holding his arms out for her. Half-reluctant to move, Vivien dragged herself off the couch and ended up in a tight hug from Matt. His arms wrapped around her like an octopus, and she realized he was really going to miss her a second before he said it.

“It won’t be the same without you.”

“Well you’ll still see me on weekends. The only difference will be that we’re in costume. And also fighting for our lives.”

“I don’t suppose I could convince you to quit, could I?” Matt let her go, taking a few steps back.

“Not a chance.”

“That’s kind of what I thought you would say. Be good. Don’t do anything extra stupid.”

“No promises, Murdock.”

“Goodbye, Vivien.”

“Goodbye, Matty.” She smiled softly, waving him off.

Matt headed out the door, and Vivien heaved a sigh.

“I hate goodbyes.”

“Everyone does, I think,” Karen mumbled sleepily.

“K, you can’t sleep on the couch. You’ll mess up your back.”

“I can live with that.”

“Come on.” Vivien tugged at her arm, and Karen whined. “What will get you to move?”

“Tell me about your day at school,” she demanded.

“My day at school?”

“Yes. Responsible guardians generally ask that sort of thing.”

Vivien rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m aware. It was extremely unremarkable. I did make a friend though so you can be proud of me for that.”

“Oh yeah?” That seemed to catch Karen’s interest, and she opened her eyes, sitting up straight. “Who?”

“You have to get up and go to bed first. Then I’ll tell you. Like a bedtime story.”

“Who’s the guardian here anyway?” Karen complained. Nevertheless, she stood, padding her way into her bedroom and her bed. “Spill.”

“Just some guy on the bus. His name is Hunter. James Hunter.”

“Wait, James Hunter like, almost beat you for top of the class last year James Hunter?” Karen asked.

Vivien’s eyes narrowed. “Yes. I still haven’t forgiven him for that.”

“I know. You still talk about it. You guys are friends now?”

“Well, it’s more like I’m his project. He said he would help me get Brannigan off my back. It’s a friendship of convenience.”

Karen giggled. “So you could say you’re friends with benefits?”

Vivien stared. “You need to go to sleep.”

“Maybe. But I’m not wrong.”

“The benefit is health insurance, Karen. And a 401K.”

“If you say so,” she sing-songed.

Vivien responded by throwing a pillow at her.

“Hey!”

“I’m going to bed. I’ll see you when you’re willing to be reasonable.” Vivien started her walk out to the hallway, heading to her own bed.

“Tell me more about your boyfriend tomorrow!”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” The frustrated face plant she did into her pillow might have said otherwise though.

Moving in with Karen was quite possibly a terrible mistake.

[092219archive]

With Ozymandias

i. Calvin Harris - Outside [Audio] ft. Ellie Goulding ii. Ellie Goulding, Daft Punk - Something About Us Under The Sheets iii. Xan Griffin - Taurus (feat. Tedy) iv. Kulakostas - Hold Me Down v. Synchronice - Distraction (feat. Karra) vi. Mika Nakashima x Hyde - Kiss of Death

so it’s difficult for my to explain “outside” since it’s sending me such mixed messages (do they love each other? do they hate each other? friendzone? broke up and are getting back together?) but there’s bits of it that basically tells me that they’re improving from each other and that’s basically why i added this song.

real talk, this is the ozy/eren song (aside from “taurus”) because i did not expect ozy to make such a big impact on my life. like... with my other fate selfships, they didn’t make that much of an impact and i say this because the relationships were primarily soft and comforting for those involved. ozymandias on the other hand...

i think some of you were able to witness how he basically busted down the blockade to my emotions instantly much to my dismay. the sudden intrusion cause a lot of emotions to arise aaand here we are.

“you left your bloodstains on the floor; you set your sights on him” makes me think about my other fate selfships with karna, arjuna, etc. and how i used produce a TON of content for them, until like... well... ozy. the relationships i had weren’t “left behind” but the feelings i have for them aren’t as strong as they used to be. i still love them and appreciate them because, well, they were there first, you know? they guided me into fate as a whole and opened up so many ideas and let me have a ton of creative liberties with other selfships. building blocks almost. they started the foundation i’ve come to today, so they’re still dear to me. i’m just not as “smitten” but maybe more so content with them, if anything.

there’s a liiittle bit more of a negative context with the first verse and the rest of it, so like any person, we completely disregard it and focus on what Matters.

and everything after, whether it be with “this is our luck baby, running out; our clothes were never off” or “it might not be the right time; i might not be the right one,” is kinda like, the general beginning of the ozy/eren relationship.

but, the lines where it says “we’re under the sheets and you’re killing me; in our house made of paper, your words all over me” were ACTUALLY gonna be the lines on the moodboard before i settled for one of his quotes. while they haven’t been “under the sheets canonically” yet, this symbolizes what ozymandias has done to eren’s life and i’m pretty sure i wrote about something similar in that extremely lengthy gushing ask response i received a while back. you know, about making his mark and all that...

people have this tendency to leave a little bit of themselves with others, whether it be on purpose or completely unintentional. even if they’re gone, that little bit stays with you after the time they’ve spent with you regardless whether the relationship has been relatively long or extremely short, if it was good or bad, if it was platonic or not... sometimes it can be evident, sometimes you don’t even realize that it’s there. with the kind of guy ozy can be, he’s bound to leave an entire story on someone who’s history has so many gaps in which he can fit himself into easily. you know, someone who doesn’t have a lot of experience with other things other than weaponry and combat tactics, someone that doesn’t know what forgiveness or what compassion is, “what’s a god to a nonbeliever” kind of person — you know, eren.

and “under the sheets” can even be a little bit more metaphorical rather than literal. under cover, a time and/or place that others can’t interrupt, something occurring but an event that just so happens to be just between the two of them. “you’re killing me” isn’t like... ozy is not hurting eren in any sort of physical manner, but it’s more so that eren is forced to deal with intense and unfamiliar emotions that they’ve never had before with the kind of person that they were supposed to avoid.

although it’s pretty much self explanatory, the lyrics written by daft punk (the whole “it might not be the right time” stuff) is just... ozy in response to eren’s feelings because clearly, they’re incapable of dealing with and sorting those out themselves. it’s not like ozy is going to force himself into eren’s life if they don’t want him in because, while he’s a confident dude and the world is his, he’d respect their feelings. and he has had multiple experiences with many women so i can’t ignore the possible factor that maybe one of them was a little more reluctant than the rest. but also, he does know that eren has some kind of feeling for him and that there is indeed “something between [them]...”

and yes, he would respect those feelings, but he’s not going to sit around idly, waiting for eren to have answer a problem they can’t even think about solving by themselves. he’s going to help eren even if he’s the reason why they’re so distressed around him, even if he’s just constantly pushed away because eren’s an idiot and they can’t do things like this on their own even if they say they can. maybe things will turn out poorly, or maybe they both can benefit from the situation — but as a servant, he decides to help his master as they’re incapable of working things out properly.

“in here the world won’t bring us down; our plan is gold dust” kinda describes their situation in the war, i think. gold dust is tiny (not referring to quantity) but extremely valuable — important even, given the correct situation. they’ll fight their way to victory in the war (granted, they are kind of required to do that to survive) and will use whatever methods they have in their arsenal to acquire the grail for their father. given their position and where their skills lie, eren would act secretly, probably taking out certain targets that gave them information on who the other masters of the grail war are or spending their time with technology to find people and/or locations.

bUT ALSO, WAR THINGS ASIDE-

ozy would be there for eren while they act secretively, maybe while they’re having their “moments of discovery.” he’d help with their reserved attitude towards others and bring out the little more sensitive and honest side of them, the side that wants things they can never have. breaking down walls in order to build a stronger defense to emotions and destructive thoughts.

so “taurus” is basically “how to deal with a tsundere 101: written by the king of gods.” eren has many, many depressive episodes but pushes their problems aside since they view their problems as less important than the work they have to do.

but ozy is there to handle eren when eren’s just feeling like utter garbage, to actually sit down and help eren find some kind of answer to their problems (of course, in his own fashionable way).

"i just need you to come a little closer; i could show you how i feel...” kinda portrays how ozy is a man of like... physical care? the way he deals with problems, even if they’re not tangible, is with his own hands. even if he can’t beat up eren’s depression or anything, he has other methods of tackling those issues and that’s with a whole lot of touching and words.

“stuck on this lonely road, standin’ in the dark; let me pull you closer, let me in your long nights” can refer to those times that ozy is bold enough to care and handle eren when eren can’t take care of themselves, when they’re up all night thinking of things that they shouldn’t have to think about, when they start to impulsively do things they shouldn’t do, when they start trying to reason with themselves that what they’re doing is okay, when they think that they have to do everything themselves or everything will fall apart otherwise — times when eren acts like they have no purpose other than to work, like a robot, maybe one that was made to be disposed once it’s lost it’s functions.

but he’s there to keep eren grounded, to remind eren that they’re a fucking person like anybody else.

“it don’t matter what you fear, i’ll be the one to take you there; ain’t no better one i swear, and you’re the one who knows me there” is, much like other lines, ozy helping eren out with their feelings. eren’s kept people at a distance for their own reasons, because they don’t have a need for friends. they don’t want people to be close to them, because friends are bothersome. pointless. relationships? completely unnecessary. but ozy is then summoned and eren realizes that “so i may or may not have certain feelings and desires that probably shouldn’t be acted upon.”

eren doesn’t want “affection” but then desires a closeness that friendships don’t “have.” a place where intimacy can be shared between people, a place where they can find a home they never had, where the relationship will help them improve themselves and perhaps the other — one where they can learn the things they were never taught or given. there’s so much that eren doesn’t understand because they’ve been inside their own little bubble for so long that ozy was able to burst it without eren noticing, having eren realized that there’s a lot they haven’t truly grasped. new and unfamiliar things are terrifying to experience, you know?

“hold me down” is, as the title and the song states: keeping eren in the present. catch that bitch before their head goes off and does something stupid!!!!

a bit of a continuation of “something about us under the sheets” — “distraction” is just a really sappy song about ozy and eren thinking about each other. _(:3 」∠)_

NEW SONG

this... is definitely... based off lieandlee’s cover of kiss of death because i dunno what nakashima’s singing about :^) so right off the bat, we already have some important ~symbolism~ (sdghdfg) going on!

“won’t you come my way? my self-restraint is crumbling; it’s just me, so don’t you be afraid” is basically... ozy wanting to fulfill his desires of Increasing his Bond Level with Eren, but also making sure eren will feel safe and secure under his care. he’s not going to rush eren, but they should have an answer to his feelings and motives at some point, and that’s something he would want to know.

“a flightless bird was dreaming, that it could touch the sky; but that blue color’s changing, to a bright shade of red” is like... i envision that eren, or smolren, at some point, was a really ambitious kid when they were younger. like many other kids, there were a lot of things that they wanted to do, but their ideas were instantly shot down by their father if eren even thought about that. with a blood-stained past, eren still wants to do something, but what they want to do is just... it’s blurry. something’s there, but they don’t know what. and at this point, they just... would rather not know. they play it off as “i don’t care what it is so long as i fulfill my duties” but they do care.

“somebody’s knocking at my door, i cover my ears at the sound; could it be you i’m waiting for, or is it someone else?” eren, having built up so many walls and hardening themselves, numbing themselves - it’s hard to break years and years of work like that down. they’ve steeled themselves, and ensured that it stay that way in order to prevent themselves from getting hurt, whether it be physically or mentally. but you know... loud golden pharaoh... on his way with a wrecking ball, about to destroy all of eren’s hard work...

“will your lips taste the kiss of death?” SO OBVIOUSLY, this is a metaphorical and literal thing. eren’s brought chaos all around them, separating families, making sure that nobody involved on a mission gets out alive - they’re like a weird personification of death. but under... under golden pharaoh... eren... Weak.

“darling, destiny is racing through my body; world in motion finally, could this be love?” POST slowburn, eren would. find something new goals to believe in and things to fight for. it’s not going to be them following orders, but them living for themselves. things won’t be so gray and things won’t seem so dull. it’s not that eren gets bored of killing things or something, but it gets. repetitive. and the fact that eren’s numbed themselves to that just makes it seem like “just another day of doing what i was built to do.” eren will come to realize that, “hey, this is probably. wrong so i should change that.” maybe after, they find some hidden potential and capabilities within themselves, some day to be shown to the world that they can be someone strong and without a gun.

“i just want a taste, i’m sorry if that’s strange; but it takes two to find love, and to kindle that flame” is, once again, from the ozy perspective except he’s not sorry that it sounds strange. he knows there’s something going on between them, but for things to truly work out, eren needs to do their part of the relationship they have. while it could be ozy doing all the work, that can get really stressful and problematic in the long run. also, wanting to know eren’s flavor ‘,:^)

“we hold each other close to heal, all of the scars fresh in our hearts; the breath left upon your lips” BIG WINK EMOJI

“darling, my heartbeat is racing through my body; all this love is melting me, but i don’t mind” EVEN BIGGER WINK EMOJI

“i came close, to facing my own end; but it was the taste of you, that led me back instead” eren... breakdown. ozy. smooch.

[darhwolf]

all

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?dunno lol probably any of the 4 songs from Courtney Barnett that I have on my phone (Elevator Operator, Depreston, Nobody Really Cares if You Don’t go to the Party, and Debbie Downer). Dunno lol

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Well there’s a few people so... @lifecankindofsuck @annoyinglyoptimisticbread @gerards-slutty-jacket, or Markimoo 

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.The moat surrounds your fortress, preventing enemies from

4: What do you think about most?Uhhh such a fucking odd queston I honestly have no clue my mind jumps around a lot

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?Imma not include group chats so... some shit from sprint about texting in the UK. I don’t get texted a lot :/

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?I prefer without but I usually wear pajamas

7: What’s your strangest talent?I can slap my thighs really fast I dunno lol

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)With the first thing that comes to my head?Girls just wanna have funBoys will be boys

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?Nope and it’ll probs never happen so whatever ¯\_(:/)_/¯

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?Never rip

11: Do you have any strange phobias?None that are out of the ordinary

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?A Q-Tip with vaseline

13: What’s your religion?I don’t have one

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?prbably sitting on a bench alone being lonely lol

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?The Beatles

17: What was the last lie you told?I think it was something my dad got angry at me for and then a waiter came up and I faked a smile for the waiter if you call that lying

18: Do you believe in karma?Sometimes

19: What does your URL mean?Absolutely fucking nothing lmao

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?Weakness? my cripplingly low self esteem. Strength? My desire to help people

21: Who is your celebrity crush?Probably Maisie Williams. Used to be Ariana Grande cuz she’s absolutely adorable

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?No but it sounds like fun

23: How do you vent your anger?profane language lmao

24: Do you have a collection of anything?not really no. but I do have all 50 state coins

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Video chatting as long as the other person can hold the conversation

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?physically? hell fucking no. Mentally? nope. Emotionally? still no rip. But I am happy that I can help people with their problems.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate? crying. (human crying not baby crying) it makes me cry too ;-;Love? uhhhhhhh rain

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?What if I never actually find an s/o?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?I want to believe

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.The wall. A rocking chair

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?Cotton (from my blanket)

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?I dunno lol

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?West coast, but I’m going to the East coast for College. West cost is more progressive I believe

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?Ariana Grande I guess

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?It’s 42. I’m too lazy to give a full explanation or something like that

36: Define Art.Uhh I dunno lmao

37: Do you believe in luck?Yeah. Either Luck or RNGesus

38: What’s the weather like right now?Sunny

39: What time is it?6:33 PM

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?Yes. No

41: What was the last book you read?Pet Semetary

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?it’s OK. Too much and I hate it.

43: Do you have any nicknames?Mom, Dad, A-Dog (from my uncle)

44: What was the last film you saw?Gremlins. In theaters? A Quiet Place

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?Smacking my head on a piano bench corner (3 stitches needed)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?yes

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?nope

48: What’s your sexual orientation?Sexual orientation? Het. but romantic orientation is bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?Nope

50: Do you believe in magic?Hell yeah or something like that

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?Nah. Unless they were especially awful

52: What is your astrological sign?Aquarius or Aries

53: Do you save money or spend it?Save

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?some micro transaction

55: Love or lust?Love

56: In a relationship?I feckin wish

57: How many relationships have you had?technically, none. One was long distance puppy love, the other wasn’t a relationship

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?yes

59: Where were you yesterday?In Heathrow airport

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?Eraser tops

61: Are you wearing socks right now?nope

62: What’s your favourite animal?DOGGOS

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?Wait I have a secret weapon? oooh tell me

64: Where is your best friend?I uhhhhhh @annoyinglyoptimisticbread and @lifecankindofsuck and @gerards-slutty-jacket hey where are you

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.NO SPECIFIC ORDER @annoyinglyoptimisticbread @lifecankindofsuck @gerards-slutty-jacket @umbrellas-and-raincoats @30-minute-memes

66: What is your heritage?Germany I think or something

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?Sleeping lmao

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?Phillips. I dunno some casual last name

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?Yes many times lmao. Has anybody else gotten me off? nah. never probably gonna happen either lmao

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?yesssssss somebody I could actually like pull aside to talk about shit in my life

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?Fuck yeah the doggo and I are in this shit together now

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a. Yes.b. I don’t know ;-;c. yes

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.Can I not fucking choose this kinda question is hard on me

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?I dunno

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?8119

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?Trust, communication (bitches fucking love communication), and actual love between the two (or more) partners

77: How can I win your heart?I don’t know this is too difficult of a question I guess just talk to me I don’t fucking know

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?kinda maybe

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?I dunno lmao

80: What size shoes do you wear?don’t remember too lazy to check

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?I dunno leave it up to my family

82: What is your favourite word?Banana

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.love

84: What is a saying you say a lot?I dunno lmao

85: What’s the last song you listened to?Probably Elevator Operator

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?a dark blue like rain I don’t know what shade exactly it is

87: What is your current desktop picture?EEVEES!

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?Some shit named Diego. He was a dick to me all throughout middle school and never apologized once

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Do you have depression?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Sit and wait, but get ready for something to happen

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?Invisibility. You can actually do a LOT of good with invisibility like if somebody tries to rob a bank, you walk in, invisible, with a gun and reveal yourself only to shoot them or something like that

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?Eating a birthday cake I guess I dunno :/

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?FUCKING EVERYTHING ABOUT MY DEPRESSION AND SHIT

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?Why music celeb?But it would be Ariana Grande

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?Fuckin Japan cuz it’s so cool

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?nope

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?yeah lol

98: Ever been on a plane?many many times

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?“Hey stop fucking each other over and lets focus on not fucking making the human race go extinct mmkay?”@annoyinglyoptimisticbread THANKS FOR THE ASK

[ghost-avalyn]

After many hours of deliberation I came up with some answers to a questionnaire for Denver. <3 Questions can be found here! Some of the answers have dialogue, some have no dialogue, some are both.

Answers and stuff under the cut.

1.) What is your guardian’s name? What does it mean? What inspired you to choose that name for them?

Denver. No real reason, thought it was cute and when a name strikes me I usually stick with it because I'm chronically bad at naming.

2.) What did your guardian name their ghost? What does it mean? What inspired them to choose that name?

Her name is Avalyn. It means “beautiful breath of life”. The name is fairly self-explanatory. Mostly, he calls her Av.

“Heh, funny story. I was rezzed in a bookstore... I can't read. Av deciphers things for me, so it's not really worth it to learn. Anyways. I asked her what I could call her before I even figured out my own name. She took my request seriously and I helped her by turning the pages of some old-ass books. She found the name Avalyn. She seemed to like it, and she deserves a name she likes. So we kept it.”

3.) What is your guardians favorite weapon of choice? What mod do they use for it? Do they have a masterwork on it and if so, how many enemies have they killed with that weapon?

“Crimson looks pretty sweet with the gold studs. But I don't care about guns too much. Next question.”

4.) Do they participate in the Crucible often or do they just go to complete the daily challenges?

He likes participating in the Crucible to be immersed in the energy of battle and to screw around. He can't bring himself to care much about actually competing. He has an exposition kink so he's all about showing off his flips 'n shit.

“There are challenges? Man, that's news. I like showing off my flips, running around the maps, fucking around with the guardians. They're fun. They take things so seriously.”

5.) If your guardian had to choose to be another class, what class would they pick? Or would they stay the same?

He'd probably stay the same. The idea of being a big strong titan might appeal to him briefly, but only if his size were to change and I don't think it works that way.

“Oh! Would I get taller if I became a Titan? Unless it'd make me a bigger, beefier version of myself, no dice. I'd make a pretty lame Warlock, too.”

6.) What is their favorite subclass within their own class?

He's an Arcstrider, he knows no other life. Arc energy flows naturally for him, as if it chose him. The body movement with Arc Staff suits his innate connection to his center of gravity.  

“Arcstrider for sure. If I was smarter, maybe I could figure out how to use different energy. Maybe I'm just lazy, I don't know. I needed Arc energy more than the others and it kinda came to me naturally. I'm not the Avatar over here.”

7.) What is their favorite subclass in a different class?

I wanted to go with something other than Striker, but, he has a strong affinity for Arc and can't help but admire the amount of force and energy that super utilizes.

“Strikers are sexy.”

8.) Would they rather receive a titan kiss ( a hard ass headbutt that mostly results in death ), asking a warlock a question that might result in a long explanation, or deciding to play the knife game with hunter and bet at high stakes?

“That's a tough one. But uh, probably go with the knife-game, it sounds fun.”

9.) Would they prank other guardians or just their close friends? What kind of pranks would they pull?

He'd be fairly cordial with any guardian that hadn't already pranked him in some way – that would be the green light. Except Dutch, he will forever be [attempting to] push him off ledges to get a rise out of that exo.

“I won't mess with a guardian I don't know. Unless, you know, they prank me first. But then we officially know each other, and it's fair game. With Dutch, I'm always trying to pull a fast one on him and somehow the fucker is always one step ahead of me. Do Exos have literal eyes on the back of their heads?”

10.) Which vanguard member to they like to hang out with the most?

He likes chilling with Cayde. He wants to learn more about Exos, and even if Cayde doesn't offer much in the way of knowledge, it's a nice breather to visit him every once in a while as he's a total opposite to Dutch personality-wise.

“Cayde is my bro. The other Vanguard members seem kinda... high strung for me. They don't like me very much anyways. Cayde doesn't mind when I show up unannounced, he's always up for company, and sometimes I need a break from Dutch's seriousness.”

11.) Who would they fmk out of Skolas, Ghaul, and Calus?

“I'd fuck the Fallen guy, marry the rich guy, and kill the asshole. Is there any other way to answer this question?”

12.) What kind of hobbies do they do in their free time? Are there any particular skills they have that help them with this hobby(s)?

“People watching, clubbing, dancing... Just hanging out.”

13.) What is their favorite armor set and what shader do they use for it?

Kairos armor set with Shinobu's vow, and Omolon Meteor Gloss.

14.) Do they prefer silence or are they unbothered in loud areas?

Denver is not a fan of silence. He didn't really think much about this until he started his life at The Tower and felt quite at home with the relative amount of chaos.

“I like loud areas with a lot of different things to pay attention to. Silence is boring.”

15.) Are they afraid of storms? If so, is there a specific reason why?

Nope, he loves them. The white noise calms him, the thunder claps excite him, and he absorbs arc energy considerably better in this kind of weather.

“Stormy weather is my favorite. I've been struck by lightning a few times. I'm pretty sure that's what happened. I was able to run off that energy and power my town for days without stopping.”

16.) Who were they before their ghost revived them? Do they know about this and if so how or what did they use to learn about themselves?

Denver grew up with his mother in a group of ten or so refugees far from any new-age civilization. They stuck together in a small pack, doing a lot of foraging to meet their basic needs. The group didn't get involved in war/political affairs and mainly kept to themselves.

“I dunno, but I don't think about the past much even when it's something I do remember.”

17.) How close are your guardian and their ghost? If they are not close, would your guardian kill their ghost and choose to answer the darkness’ calls?

They are best friends, partners in [sorta] crime. Avalyn calls Denver out on any of his bullshit but follows him loyally wherever they go.

“I love Av. We do everything together. She helps me out so much, and she makes a lot of good points about life-stuff.”

18.) Would your guardian engage in a romantic relationship with Fallen, Cabal, Hive, etc? If so, what do they find attractive about the species?

I don't know that he's ever considered it.

“Hm, Fallen are pretty good-looking. But romance? There's a bit of a language barrier there.”

19.) Who is their favorite lore hero? Example, Jolder, Saint-14, Andal Brask, etc. Why is this person their favorite and in what ways do they inspire your guardian? What would your guardian say if they were face to face with them?

He's heard some stories about Andal through his relationship with Cayde-6, he admires the strength of their friendship and wishes he was able to know the guy in person.

20.) Does your guardian like plants? If so, what kinds? Do they prefer flowers or trees or shrubs? Would they start a garden?

“Trees are nice, I guess. Especially those huge ones on Nessus.”

21.) If your guardian became obsessed with something, what would it be?

“Why do the exos get reset??? Does it shift them farther away from who they really are, is it convenient, and if it is convenient, to who?”

22.) Do they like reading books or watching movies or both? What genres are their favorites? Does their fireteam have the same taste?

Denver prefers watching movies because it can be a co-op experience. He can absorb the information with someone else and bounce it off of them, figuring out how his experience aligns with others'.

“Movies are cool with friends. I don't read. If I really wanted to, I could have Av help me read something, but I dunno. I'd rather have a conversation with someone who knows what they're talking about.”

23.) What kind of music do they like? Do they dance around anybody in any situation or in the privacy of their quarters? What would their favorite song from the Golden Age be?

He prefers future bass like “Exhale Therapy” by Conrank, or psychedelic pop, see “Feel it Still” by Portugal. The Man. But anything with a good beat is accepted.

“Hell yeah! I'll dance anywhere, everywhere, for anyone who's willing to watch. ;)”

24.) What does their living space look like? Are there a bunch of pictures around or do Knick knacks cover the shelves? Do they enjoy bright, neutral, or dark colors? Would they purchase a fur rug?

“My living space? Oh right. I have a bunk, but I don't spend much time there. Dutch's house is way nicer.”

IMO Denver lives in a shared living quarters with several other lower-ranked Guardians. He spends many more nights with Dutch-9 in his swank-ass modern-looking house, or Cayde's living quarters. He doesn't settle in one particular area, he can even be found couch surfing in the city. As far as personal belongings such as clothing, he does fancy bright, obnoxious coloring and is sometimes known to collect knick-knacks to adorn Avalyn's shell [with her approval] or just to collect dust in his bag/vault.

25.) Do they travel around the city often? If so, what are their favorite places to go and who do they go with? Are the civilians ever excited to see them or do they give them a look because of precious mishaps that resulted in property damage?

He does travel the city often. He likes anything that can be done in tandem with other people. Rather than dragging friends along, he tends to insert himself into groups easily, usually at bars/clubs, making tons of acquaintances and not many close friends. He likes to feel like he “knows people” and makes conversation with the owners of the buildings, yearning for a sense of belonging. Since his found-family from the refugee town was taken in by the city, he also visits them often to check on how city life is treating them and helps them out any way he can. He definitely has done some damage to local venues but does everything in his power to make it right when that happens.

26.) Are they good with kids? If not, how do they react when a child tries to talk to them? If they are good with kids, what kind of things do they do to entertain them?

“Kids are awesome. They're just... authentic, you know? I want to hear about their perspective on things. But I'll show them Arc-staff tricks if they're not into telling me their ideas about the world.”

27.) Are they in love with Shaxx?

“He's a great hype-man. I dig his enthusiasm. In love? Nah, but I have a normal amount of love for him.”

28.) When your guardian sleeps, are they stiff and stay in one spot or wild and kick off the sheets? Do they have nightmares often and if so, about what? How often do they sleep?

He's a bed hog, sprawling out his limbs and tossing and turning frequently. Sometimes known to react violently to being prodded if his partner wants to grab some of the blanket.

“Yeah, I've been told I'm a restless sleeper. I disagree, I'm a heavy sleeper. But... I guess I do take up more than my side of the bed. I love sleeping. Can I add that to my hobbies?”

29.) Do they enjoy coffee, tea, soda, or water? Would they mix all of these together and drink the liquid on a dare?

“Leaf water and mud water is nasty. I'll drink soda all day, but Av reminds it's not great for my stomach. Oh, a dare? Definitely.”

30.) What about their personality attracts other guardians to them? What is it about other guardians that attracts your guardian to them?

“My personality? I'm mostly nice, so maybe that's why I have an easy time making friends. And other guardians... Well, everyone has a story. I like to find out their side of things. See what makes them tick. It works out well, because everyone loves talking about themselves... Almost.”