#dream's doing that 'if i sleep near the books the knowledge will go in my head osmosis style' thing

[cuubism]

So I was treating myself to a reread of "In Search of Nightingales" (as one does) and I had a question: does Hob ever get to see Dream's living space? I'm torn between imagining him in some lavish, cozy, magical space, or just like. A blanket on the floor behind a bookshelf because God forbid Dream prioritize his own comfort lol.

🤘 five-and-dimes

@five-and-dimes ooh! he hasn't but he definitely should get to. i'm 99% sure it's the latter -- just some corner in the Library he's holed up in with his stolen baked goods and his blanket (also stolen from Hob) and his stack of 583 in-progress books. he probably just lives in his study. though i'm not convinced he sleeps at all 😂

hob: why are you lying on the floor in the Sleep Science section?

dream: where else would i sleep

hob:... in a BED?

[awkward-halfhug]

probably not the best sedative | eleventh doctor x reader

summary: the Doctor's finally asleep. Which is nice, but you have to pee

chapter 1 2 3 4 5

contents: fluff, cuddles, full bladders being the enemy of cute moments

(also on my ao3)

1.2k

The Doctor is insufferable.

This was the first thing out of your mouth to him when he returned from his half-hour's worth of rest that you had forced him to take. You hadn't expected a full 8 hours from him, but at least one hour would've been nice. 

According to the doctor, he was going to sleep, that was definitely his plan, and he was definitely trying to do so, until he just so happened to remember that Time Lords are physiologically unable to sleep all by their lonesome. Something about cats?

Needless to say, that was one of the most ridiculous things the you had ever heard him say (and you travel with the doctor, so that's saying something.)

And yet...

And yet, you think as you peer down at the Gallifreyan currently curled up on your lap, snoring softly, maybe it wasn't as ridiculous a 'fun fact' as you originally thought.

It has been, not one, not two, not eight, but twelve whole hours since the Doctor came traipsing into your room with what seemed like yet another excuse as to why he was incapable of taking it easy.

Twelve whole hours since you rolled your eyes at his antics and told him, with a challenging quirk of your brow, "Fine, then you should have no problem as long as you're not alone, right? There's a stack of blankets over there, you can sleep next to me while I read." 

Twelve whole hours since he grabbed a blanket, almost eagerly, and settled himself down on the couch, without a hint of reluctance. He had wiggled around until he was apparently comfy, nuzzled his head against your leg where he laid it, and let out a little contented noise that made your heart swell.

Twelve hours that he slept like a baby through, and possibly might even be coming onto thirteen hours, except you really, really have to pee, and unfortunately you think you're going to have to wake him soon or your bladder might well explode.

But a few more minutes won't hurt, you think.

At one point he seemed a bit restless, perhaps because of some dream he was having, or maybe he was just uncomfortable. So you tried to calm him. Hesitantly, you reached out and gently ran your fingers through his messy locks. He calmed almost instantly, and you marveled at that a bit. The more you stroked his hair, the more relaxed he became, and so with one hand you continued petting him (and that's effectively what you was doing; petting him), while you held your book open with your other hand. 

You had to stop petting after a while, your arm tiring of the repetitive task, and immediately the Doctor's sleeping face twisted into the cutest little pout. He even made a little whining sound that you wishe you had recorded, for future teasing purposes, but alas your phone was in the other room.

His head is heavy (must be all that infinite knowledge he claims to carry around) and it's long since cut off the circulation to your feet. But he looks so peaceful that you couldn't bring yourself to move him.

And truthfully, it's nice to be able to look at him this close. To study his features, all the little details that people miss because he never stays still long enough to notice them.

Like, for instance, you noticed somewhere around the fourth hour that he actually does have eyebrows. All this time you had secretly thought his species just didn't grow them. You had thought that was just a feature of the Gallifreyan race, and he would most definitely laugh at you for the assumption, so it's a good thing you realized before you asked him about it.

Carefully, so as not to wake him, you had run just the tips of your fingers across his delicate (and near invisible) eyebrows. They were so soft. You did that a few more times before deciding he must be a pretty heavy sleeper when he actually was able to sleep like this.

And so you let your fingertips trail across more of his face. His skin is so smooth, you had noted, as your fingers glided down the arch of the Doctor's nose, across his sharp cheekbones, his strong jawline, his funny chin...his lips. His lips were so soft under the pads of your fingers. You wondered if--

You had wrenched your hand away from him when you realized how creepy all that had been. Had you been checking him out? While he was asleep? Your face had probably turned crimson, you're sure, and you're incredibly grateful that he hadn't woken up while you were doing...whatever it was you had been doing. Just the thought of how he might've reacted to that has you blushing in embarrassment again.

You push the thought from your mind forcefully and attempt to focus on your book, but you're unable to focus with the Doctor snuggling into a different position on your lap. This time, he clings to your knees like they're his favorite pillow, and once he's sufficiently comfortable, a contented little smile on his face, he starts doing something that you would never have expected, even from him.

The Doctor starts purring.

Actually, honest to goodness, purring. You have to stifle your giggles, which only makes the full bladder thing that much harder to ignore. And yet now you really don't want to get up. The Doctor is purring! Again, where is your phone when you need it?

You reluctantly decide to get up finally, when you can think of literally nothing else except your bladder.

You place your book down on the side table next to you and carefully, gently, you unlatch the Doctor's hands from your knees and lift him up enough for you to slip out from under him. You place a nearby pillow under his head and lower him onto it. He latches onto it, and, when he doesn't appear to be waking, you run to the bathroom as quietly as you can manage without sacrificing speed. You really, really, really need to pee.

~~

Returning to your room, bladder no longer crying out for your attention, you find the Doctor blessedly still asleep.

You have a decision to make. Your legs have just regained feeling, and your back is actually aching pretty badly from sitting upright like that for around thirteen hours straight (had you really sat there for thirteen hours? Had the Doctor really stayed still for thirteen hours?), and you desperately want to crawl into your bed and sleep yourself.

But the Doctor said he's a social sleeper. What if he doesn't sleep well without your presence? And besides...you really want to hear him make that purring sound again.

The choice is easy.

Grabbing an extra pillow for your poor back, you make your way back over to your couch. Lifting him up (he really is heavier than he looks), you settle down on the cushions and gently place him back onto your lap, which he takes to like a happy kitten once again.

The Doctor's purring starts back up as he turns towards you and wraps both arms around your waist.

A slow, happy smile blooms on your face, as you brings your hand to his hair for more of those pets he loves so much.

"The things I do for this man" she try to grumble to the TARDIS. But your voice is too full of affection to pull off annoyance, both you and the TARDIS know it, so you give up the pretense with a happy sigh.

The TARDIS hums knowingly.

"Yeah", you agree. "I guess he's worth it."

thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, please consider reblogging/commenting, it means a lot! ♡

[utapri-translations-uuuu]

Loneliness and Despair - Translation (孤独と絶望)

Please do not repost/retranslate without permission.

I have also made a version which includes the members' notes found in the script.

[Human limitations - Faust’s house, nighttime]

He is sitting in a chair in his dark, dusty room.

Faust bites his nails while clicking his tongue. A habit of his.

Faust: … How cruel life is.

He is overcome with despair.

Faust: It is far too short a time for a person to live…

Faust holds his head between his hands.

Faust: I’ve spent my life's precious time studying. I have gone to great deals to master every possible field from philosophy to jurisprudence, medicine, and theology. I spared no effort, doing anything in my power to achieve this.

He slams on the desk.

Faust: And yet! I couldn’t discover the truth of the world. None of it…

He violently sweeps the books off the desk.

The books fall off the desk with a clatter.

Faust: Professor, Doctor, scholar…? Being called by such titles means nothing. Even if you achieve a certain level of success, it becomes a responsibility and puts pressure on you. I was pushed even further into learning, and I was unable to escape from that cycle…

Looking at his trembling hands.

Faust: Learning left me nothing… As an old and decrepit man, there is nothing left for me to do. My wrinkled hands tremble weakly, and my eyes, which have lost their sparkle, reflect a hazy world.

A longing for death that comes from loneliness.

Faust: How much time do I have left…? Until I cease to exist… There is no escaping death. It comes equally to every human being.

He hugs himself and endures his loneliness.

Faust: Am I going to meet my end in solitude…? With no one to mourn my death, and no one to watch me draw my last breath.

Faust is beset with remorse.

Faust: If I had spent more time on other things, would my life have been different…?

He stares into nothing and mutters as if imagining it.

Faust: Having a warm home and a happy life with a loving partner and our children?

He smiles self-deprecatingly.

Faust: … That would be hoping for too much. I wanted at least someone who I could call a close friend with whom I could share my heart with.

He speaks while thinking back to times gone by.

Faust: Ha… I can’t find an answer to the question of what I should have done. If I had been able to do that, I probably wouldn’t be having regrets now. I keep thinking ridiculous thoughts. It’s pointless, all of it. Just near-death dreams…

His hand finds the vial of poison in the medicine cabinet.

Faust: Let’s end this already… Taking away the pain and going to sleep. Permanently…

[The suffering of successful people - Downtown, daytime]

***

Faust’s recollection

A conversation between Faust and his disciple, Wagner. On the way back from buying chemicals to make poison.

Faust: …

Wagner waves his hand in the air.

Wagner: Doctor! Doctor Faust!

Wagner runs up to Faust, who then turns to face him.

Faust: … It’s you, Wagner.

Speaking with great enthusiasm.

Wagner: Good day! You’re certainly carrying a great load… Those are all chemicals…? … Oh, I see. Are you planning to do some new experiments in pharmaceutical science?

Faust: … Yes, something like that.

Wagner holds out his hands to take the package.

Wagner: Shall I carry it for you…?

Faust smacks Wagner’s hand away.

Faust: Don’t treat me like a senior citizen!

Wagner: P-Pardon me… I apologize for overstepping. However, all of these materials seem to be very expensive. I wouldn’t ever be able to afford them. I’m really envious.

He scratches his head in embarrassment.

Wagner: Well, I still have much to learn, so even if I were able to get them, I would probably be unworthy of them…

Faust: Envious…? Material things are of no value at all.

Looking into Faust’s face.

Wagner: Is that so? With great materials and your knowledge, you are sure to discover something new, Doctor! There absolutely is value to them!

Faust quietly shakes his head.

Faust: … You still don’t get it. The knowledge gained in life is only a small part of it. Rather than mastering it, the more you know, the more desperately you want to learn more.

Wagner: What can you, someone beloved by God, say? You have exceptional talent and have achieved many successes. From my perspective, you seem to have everything you could ever want…

Faust: What really matters in life is not talent, wealth, or fame. All of those things will be of no use at the time of the Last Judgment.

Wagner: Even someone as great as you feels that way… I'm still inexperienced and haven't reached that level yet. I must work even harder!

He clasps his hand tightly, enthusiastic.

Wagner: I will do my very best to follow in your footsteps and continue your work!

Faust seems to have resigned himself.

Faust: Yes… You still have a lot of time left. That’s right, the world is full of possibilities and hope… Go ahead and pursue your dreams as you like.

Wagner: Yes, sir! But I am sure that I, an ordinary person, would not be able to accomplish that alone. However, I have a trusted confidant!

He gazes dreamily into the distance.

Wagner: I have an intimate, close friend who is pursuing the same dream as me. He saves me from despair and getting discouraged…

Faust bites his nails while clicking his tongue. A habit of his.

He’s quite annoyed.

Faust: … Close friend…?

Wagner reports happily, as if talking about his own achievements.

Wagner: Yes! He’s a genius! Not only is he clever, but he's also pure, beautiful, and flawless. He's a talented friend I'm very proud of!

Faust bites his nails while clicking his tongue. A habit of his.

Faust: How cruel life can be.

Envy towards Wagner. A desire for youth and popularity.

Faust: … You're completely different from me. There isn’t anyone who will listen to what this old man has to say, let alone be my close friend. That's just how popular I am. I don't even have anyone who will be by my side.

He gently pats Wagner on the shoulder.

Faust: It's a lonely life. Knowledge has not filled the loneliness. Wagner, don't go astray. Don't lose sight of what is truly important. This is advice from an old man.

He gazes at his clenched fist with regret.

Faust: No amount of wealth or fame can buy you eternal life. And you can't turn back time...

Faust smiles with a look of resignation.

Faust: Do you know what the ultimate dream of the masters is? Immortality… I was never able to fulfill that dream.

Wagner approaches Faust agitatedly.

Wagner: Immortality…? Eternal life…!? What are you talking about!? That means stepping into the realm of the divine!

As if reminding him to be careful not to let anyone hear him.

Wagner: You will incur God’s wrath! How blasphemous… Such dangerous thoughts… are not allowed.

Faust: You'll understand when you're older. Right now, you're young, so you have the luxury of time.

Wagner is shaken. He can’t deny it completely.

Wagner: Is… that so…?

As he expresses his genuine gratitude, he comes up with the idea of leaving him a keepsake.

Faust: Wagner. Thank you for listening to this old man’s rambling. Oh, that’s right… About the documents you wanted, feel free to take as many as you want.

Wagner: Eh! Really? Thank you very much!

Faust: … I don’t need them anymore. Come get them sometime... See you.

Wagner feels a little uncomfortable.

Wagner: Doctor Faust…? Doctor Faust…!

Faust ignores Wagner and walks away.

***

[affectionate-team]

Picture-perfect fairytale romance 1/3

Synopsis: Fairytales help tell children of all sides of human life without exposing them to real dangers. But what will happen if a child keeps their favorite story far too close to heart, projecting fantasies onto reality?

TW for mildly delusional Neige (only hints of it in this part), kinda ooc, MC only gets called 'knight' one time with no real descriptions, so you could say they're gn, barely proof read. I'm going to write two more parts later, as I cannot allow myself to write a story without at least attempting to look at it from all possible angles. :P

"...Trees parted before the brave knight, bowing in respect and opening the path ahead. Soon he came to a clearing in the woods.

Among the flowerbeds and tall grass laid a cloud of white and pink sateen. Upon coming closer, the knight realized that it was a person! A beautiful young woman with a face fresh like first snow. Her locks gently framed her face, bringing out its soft shape. The lady's lips, red like old wine, were barely open. Beads of tears sat on her lashes, glistening like morning dew. As if enchanted, the knight kneeled over the sleeping beauty, reaching out a hand to touch her and make sure what he was seeing was no dream.

No matter what, the woman wouldn't wake up, lost in her slumber - or perhaps a heavy spell cast on her. Concerned animals peered at the man from behind the bushes, hopeful at the thought he'd finally awaken the princess. The hero kneeled at her side, brushing a stray strand of hair aside to take a proper look on her face. Then, slowly and carefully, he leaved closer, connecting their lips in a kiss....

The spell fell, and the beauty's eyes opened once again..."

Stories like this one are a classic. A princess, a knight and a kiss of true love. What happens after is always the same. Every child has heard at least one of such tales, many have and still do dream to live out a magical story like that.

"...And they lived happily ever after."

Forever and ever, even after eternity.

A woman in her twenties sat on the bed of a small boy. Resemblance between them was clear as day - hair dark like wood, skin white as snow, lips red as fresh blood. The woman shut the book in her hands and placed it on a nightstand. She leaned down to place a kiss on top of her son's forehead. The boy giggled, rubbing his face with a chubby hand to wipe away a lipstick stain.

"Now, dear, it's time to sleep."

With a light motion, she tucked the blanket in at his sides to keep him warm at night. Beady-eyed plush animals and soft frilly pillows surrounded him. With a final fond gaze, the woman snuffed out all lights, disappearing after turning a corner.

The boy clutched his blanket, turning on a side to look into the open window. Darkness enveloped the night sky; only stars, usually outshone by the great Sun, dared to come out and hold their post, spilling light on all that's hiding in the dark. They stay high up to bear witness to all wishes shared with them at late hours, hearing out desperate calls of hopeful hearts. And that night, the stars heeded a young soul's wish.

"Maybe... Someday My Princess Will Come?"

Ringing of school bells was resonating through the entire building. Students flooded from classrooms, crowding in halls, desperate to escape classes as soon as they could. The commotion they were causing could be heard from outside, some students rushing to Mirror Hall, some staying back to turn in their assignments, attend clubs or hang out with friends. You could see all of that through the windows 

Rook promised to meet you near front gates to escort you to the gardens. He was assigned as your personal alchemy tutor by Professor Crewel. As eccentric as this particular junior seemed, his vast knowledge was deserving of recognition - as expected of a vice-leader of Pomefiore, a dorm specializing in potionology, and his strictness regarding practical assignments could rival even that of the Professor himself. So, a perfect solution for a poor magicless student that has never had anything to do with magical herbs. Originally, both you and Grim had had to attend tutoring sessions, but the latter turned tail at the last moment, and even if he were to be brought back forcefully, he'd be more of a distraction than anything else. That's where it leaves you - in front of the gates, glancing at your phone every few seconds in doubt and growing disbelief. Rook was running late.

The hunter told you specifically to wait for him after seventh lesson as it was supposed to be the last in his schedule, so where is he? Could he have been held back by his dormleader to discuss important matters, or stolen by co-members of science club that were in need of advice and assistance, or perhaps even lost in a pursue of a curious non-human student he wanted to observe before they escape his sights?

As if there was nothing on your to-do list for today, other than loitering around, waiting for him. It's hard to suppress a sigh. You took the waiting time as an opportunity to look around.

And there was a reason to it. With how wild Night Raven is, it had been near impossible to take a breather (or was it just your luck?) and enjoy something as simple as fresh air. A shame it is - there is so much to see in Twisted Wonderland. Try and find a single fairy, dragon or fire-breathing flower on Earth; but there, nothing of such is a novelty. To think about it, ever since arriving to NRC, you haven't spared a thought to how this world works: Where does magic even come from, and how exactly does it work? Why don't mages try and reuse accumulated blot, like humans in your world do to wastes? How did they manage to advance in technology when they seem to rely so heavily on their magical abilities? Do beastmen and merfolk actually have any biological relation to humans or-

Rustling of leaves took your mind away from daydreaming. For a second you expected Rook to emerge from the bushes, or maybe even from the top of a tree, picking a stray leave out of his hair and greeting you in his own special manner, but what appeared before your eyes did not resemble the hunter in the slightest. In his stead before you stood a... deer? Doe-eyed, absent-minded creature on four long trembling legs - undoubtedly a deer, but what would it be doing on school grounds?

The dreamy animal seemed to pay no mind to your presence, taking a step out of the forest and heading down the main street. It sniffed around, possibly looking for something or just lost, before averting its attention to a small shiny object lying in the grass. The deer picked it up it its teeth after a few awkward attempts and turned back to where it had come from, steps hurried and unsure.

The prefect has seen things. They have seen creatures of many magical kinds, most curious of artifacts and wildest of spectacles. They've been through it all. But suddenly, what they found to be fascinating is a regular deer, same as any other one inhabitating the Earth, carrying a little treasure - most likely a trinket lost by a careless student - into the forest. And as they always did, they decided to follow their heart's impulsive call in favor of satiating their curiosity, stalking after the animal carefully, as not to alert it, - tutoring session be damned.

Trail had turned many times, but eventually you noticed a clearing from afar. As if a picture taken straight from a fairytale book, the area was enveloped in light and surrounded by tall trees, serving as a barrier between that piece of paradise and the outside world. Blankets of grass were laid upon the ground, so each of your steps was silenced - nothing could disturb peace there. It almost seemed like time had been frozen. And among all the beauty of nature sat a figure. Flowers bloomed brighter, grass felt softer, predating animals were peaceful and pliant - all in their presence. If not for the most vigilant of them, sensing your smell ever since you passed the barrier, you would've stopped to admire the sight; alas, after receiving a message from one of their little friends, the figure turned around, catching you approaching them.

Their beauty took your breath away.

The first thing - person - your mind brought up is Snow White from the old children's tale. What uncanny resemblance. Cherry-red lips, contrasting unbelievably pale complexion, shiny ink-black hair, and obvious innocence oozing off of every fiber of their being. His being.

"Ah... hello?"

Staying silent would be awkward... and weird. He probably had come here to escape from noisy school grounds and find a sliver of peace and privacy, but here you were, disturbing the angelic boy, having uncovered his secret place, and-

"Hello! What brought you here? Have you perhaps gotten lost?", his smile is something made high above, as that's the only reasoning you could give to the sudden calm that overtook you when you saw it.

"No, not exactly. I just noticed a-", you noticed the oh-so-familiar deer nudge the boy before you with its head, dropping the stolen shiny item off onto the ground near him, "that one deer! It stole something from the school grounds; a student must've lost it, so... as a prefect, I wanted to...", his eyes brightened up upon inspecting the trinket - it turned out to be a keychain - with such child-like wonder, "...as I prefect, I wanted to make sure it got back to the owner, but if you like it, I guess it can't be helped! Doubt I would've been able to find who it belongs to anyways, so...haha.."

"How could I! I am sure this accessory must be precious to its owner, I cannot take it for myself.", in one graceful motion, the stranger got up to his feet and approached you, holding the keychain in both palms, as if offering a fragile and expensive gem, "It's so nice of you to take initiative and go all the way here to retrieve this. Please, bring it back safely, I hope it'll make the person who lost this happier."

He was saying all that like he was entrusting you a task of ultimate importance, and with such a serious expression, too...

"Yeah, sure, I will..", you received the item from him, accidentally brushing fingers against his skin - soft, so soft and gentle... A flash of light blinked in the corner of your eye, but died down as soon as it appeared.

"By the way," it was only at that moment that his uniform catched your attention, "Aren't you a Royal Swords Academy student? What are you doing so far away, especially near Night Raven?"

"Oh, you noticed.. To put it simple, I enjoy taking walks around there. It-", he stumbled over words, first time in the last few minutes, "I got bored of sights near my school, and decided to find someplace different. Surely, I'm not bothering anyone nearby?"

Avoiding questions now? "You're not, don't worry, I was just curious, never seen you around there. Care for introductions?"

"...are you saying you don't know me?", the boy inquired with cleat disbelief in voice.

"If I knew you, would I be asking for your name?"

Still unsure, he shook his head gently, clutching at his vest. "You wouldn't... So you really haven't seen anything?", his tone changes suddenly, "That's fine, more than! My name is Neige, pleased to meet you."

You took the hand he offered for a handshake and gave Neige your own name. Wind picked up a notch, kicking up fallen leaves and dust and blowing right in your face; while you were blinked profusely, the boy still looked like he came out of a magazine cover, if not better than before.

Soon you both went your separate ways, the sparkly keychain clinking in your blazer pocket. Trying to retrace your steps back to Night Raven must be bothersome, but not impossible - you'll be back before dusk.

So thought Neige, staying back behind a tree to have one more chance to look at you. So kind, so simple - knightly, even! So eager to help out a schoolmate in need. And here he thought Gran had been right about NRC students being crude. Or was there a mistake, and you had been sent to a wrong place?

"They would fit in with us well... Dominic would surely like them."

[thorns-and-rosewings]

It's late one evening in the Home Sweet Bar AU 🍻

.

Ruin found himself unable to sleep. As he's been finding it harder and harder to actually get to sleep lately... When ones mind is dealing with troubles, sleep becomes a rare commodity... So he decided to brew himself a cup of warm milk and try reading a book (Alice in Wonderland) in hopes that might help him eventually drift off...

Only imagine his surprise when he goes to walk into the kitchen late at night, only to find Eclipse silently working in there.

And by working...

I mean baking...

He is completely oblivious to Ruin standing in the doorway in his adorable shark onesie, who is wondering if he is, in fact, dreaming. Eclipse has several bottles of alcohol near what look like new cocktails. There are several trays of what look like pastries and some smaller plates of skewered meats dusted in seasoning. He's got a notepad out and he's clearly working quite hard at this... Finishing off the last thing he was making. Before turning around only to see Ruin staring at him with a huge smile.

Eclipse has been making bar snacks...

And wearing a rust red apron with black lettering that reads: This shit is going to be delicious...

He clearly isn't too happy he got busted by Ruin though, as the smaller animatronic is just bouncing with happiness since he is usually the one who does all the cooking and Eclipse never showed any interest in it.

Ruin: Why did you never tell me you knew how to cook?! Let alone have your own personal apron?

Eclipse: Because of how you'd react. Obviously you will go too far with this knowledge and want me to cook with you and it would obviously change up the things you make.

Ruin: Change what I am... wait... are you saying that you actually LIKE my cooking?

Eclipse: I am not... saying... that. But I would rather you... not change up whatever you're doing.

Ruin: 🤩 (His smile can't possibly get any bigger)

Eclipse: (Desperately wants to change the topic and sighs) Want to taste some of this stuff?

...It will forever awe Eclipse, how fast Ruin sped off down the hall and returned wearing his own apron. A colorful patchwork thing with lots of pockets that is just ridiculously cute...

Eclipse: ...how?

Ruin: :3

Cuteness aside, Ruin is eager to test some of the things Eclipse made. So he selects one of the simplest things to try first. It's a strawberry, but covered in lightly toasted brown sugar and glazed with warm butter. Paired with a drink that Eclipse has called a 'Spice Drop' that amongst its ingredient list, Eclipse mentions contains spiced rum. Undoubtedly this is to prevent Ruin from drinking the whole thing. Given how he reacts to alcohol.

Ruin happily takes a bite and a sip of this creation. Only one thing can really be said...

It's frickin heavenly...

[neonangelshifting]

Shifting to Hogwarts Storytime

(not recent !)

hii you guys !! these days I've been feeling a little doubtful about my shifting abilities, and whenever I do so I like to look back on my shifting journey, especially on this event. it happened last year, but I still remember it very fondly, even if it wasn't very long. thought I might share !!

first things first, I'd like to say that I totally did NOT plan on shifting to Hogwarts before. I have quite a lot of dr's, but Hogwarts was just not one of them. not for a specific reason, I just had never read the books or watched the movies, anything I knew about it was just general knowledge. in fact, I think that day I had been trying to shift to my j-pop idol dr.

that day idk why but I was feeling really sad and I REALLY wanted to shift. I did my method, I think it was the ADHD method or the 5 senses one, but either way it didn't work. I got frustrated, cried for like two minutes and went on with my day, thinking "well, it'll be another time". I didn't really try to shift again that day. and at night, I just went to sleep.

I was kind of going through a hard time those days. I guess that I kind of saw sleeping as like a break from my reality or something, I can't really put my finger on why I shifted, because it wasn't completely on purpose. I just really wanted to leave my reality, so it was probably that.

so yeah, I just go to sleep, not expecting anything but rest. what was my surprise, that when I opened my eyes, I was standing in front of fucking Hogwarts. I stood there for like 5 minutes processing. have you ever gone a lot of time without eating and then felt a slight dizziness? that's kind of how I felt, out of confusion and shock. I was like, "where the fuck am I?", I totally couldn't tell what was happening. when I was finally able to shake off the surprise and move around, I looked around. everyone was dressed in those weird Hogwarts robes, even I was. I don't know what house it was, but I was green lol. there were many kids outside, I have no idea why though, it seemed to be the very early morning, like 6 am, the sky was just starting to light up.

I do remember seeing Draco from a distance though. I didn't get near me but in my head I was like "wait I know that guy!!!"

I then saw everyone start to get inside to attend class (again, idk why we were outside in the first place 😭). I obviously had no idea where to go, but I guess instinct drove me to a classroom, which by the way, was somehow exactly this one ↓????

like I'm not kidding, I hadn't seen the movie but the classroom looked IDENTICAL to that one. I sat on the back, along with three other kids who seemed to know me already, they were friendly to me so I assume that we were friends. it was actually the Weasley twins and some fat kid lol. don't hate me, I just didn't remember their faces and didn't hear their names 😭 I just know they were the Weasley twins because they were twins and redheads, and I only discovered that once I got back and actually watched the first movie. I didn't recognize the other kid though ☹️

they all seemed really fun to be around though. I don't remember what they were talking about, but they did notice that I was disoriented, because one of them asked me "hey, are you ok?" and I was like "yeah, just sleepy". they were talking something about the class though, but I wasn't really able to pay enough attention to remember.

all of a sudden, I woke up. however, I woke up in a lucid dream?.. I noticed because it was my house, but some random nonsensical things stood out to me that made me realize that it was a dream. almost as soon as I realized, I woke up for real. I was like, wowzers, holy shit.

you know, at the time I wanted to be like, what if it was all just a really weird lucid dream? but like GIRL I literally had a lucid dream right after, I literally FELT the difference.

it's so weird, because that was my first time lucid dreaming too 😭 and idk if any of you guys have ever been high on weed, but that's EXACTLY what a lucid dream feels like to me. like everything feels amplified, but at the same time not, ykwim? like this really weird but comfy airy feeling in your chest, idk how to explain it. but when I was in Hogwarts, it did NOT feel like that. everything was real, maybe a little too real for me to process it quickly. the sky was real. the people were real. I could feel my clothes. I could feel my hair. I could see every detail everywhere I looked, I could even smell the scent of old wood. even when I kept having lucid dreams later on, it just helped me confirm that it was NOT a lucid dream.

and it just makes me so happy. maybe a little confused, a little frustrated, but it's just so... wow. it's really, really a unique experience, and I wish I had been around there for more than like 30 minutes. I just need to have more control over my mind, but I just had enough proof that I CAN do it, I am CAPABLE. I didn't even need to do a method.

that was my experience, it really was a confidence booster for me. I haven't really focused on actually shifting since then, not a lot, so I really want to get my mind together this year and actually shift again. this time, for longer, at least for long enough to actually enjoy it lol 💕

[jxtp0sed]

Been back in Japan for a while now but just now getting used to not going to work everyday. It’s been a dream not having to take the congested trains for three hours every day 5-6 times a week omg! It is so so stressful!

Been prepping multiple versions of my resume and tons of cover letters, as well as taking some Japanese lessons (paid for with a stipend from my previous employer - s/o to Nihongonomori) and some MOOCs to level up my skills, alongside attending seminars at my local HelloWork. Getting lots and lots of rejections but trying not to lament though some days are better than others. I need to switch up my approach but also a relocation might be in the near future so I also need to start looking for positions up north… 👀

Remote would be a dream but they’re few and far between for sure…

Since I left my last employer I am proud to say I have booked a handful of model/talent gigs and it’s been such a thrill. I’m writing this on the Shinkansen to Tokyo for what is one of my biggest jobs yet. Of course before leaving Kansai I went through the motions of natural hair anxiety - and I just hope that the beauty team on set over the next couple days come with all their skills because I am going to give it 150% and I want to make sure the look match!!

I really need to get a trim and when I say trim I mean like cutting several inches off my ends (is it even ends anymore?!) because nevermind that I have hair for three people but my endssss whew do not put my blow dried hair in a room with a lit cigarette 😂

Is this a safe space? Anyone wanna take a guess how long it’s been since my last haircut?

Five years…

and before that it was a 4.5 year gap. My last salon visit before that was right before moving to Japan lol I have basically only gotten a haircut that one time since I moved to Japan ten years ago and I didn’t even get the haircut at the 4.5 year mark IN Japan. I’m just really apprehensive about the level of natural/Black haircare knowledge and have lots of childhood salon trauma. I just want to be treated with dignity and walk out happy. 😢 but at this point and with my goals in mind I need to get my hair together and I need help doing it.

I need to find someone who knows how to do a proper blowout since I only ever cut my hair dry. What a struggle in itself and so here we are.

THAT aside

Very thankful for everything so far. I find it ironic that I have the opportunity to take modeling more seriously at this stage in my life. Sometimes I think like damn I’m (re)starting so late - but then I tell myself immediately to shut up, that my timing is the right timing and I’m also immediately reminded of what my mom said before I moved to Japan (she didn’t want me to come after the Fukushima disaster - I still came to jpn for the first time that very August on vacation but) she said “I’m not gonna say anything because I know you’re are going to do what you want” and I don’t think she meant it dismissively, but I think it finally hit her that I ammmm stubborn af and thus also really determined to at least TRY something I’m motivated to do if I think it’s at all possible. Shoutout to my Taurus risings!!

She tried to shoot down my model dreams when I was younger but I mean we was poor and I was the first to go to college like what you mean you wanna take pictures as a job looool

Somehow I feel I’m finding my way step by step. :)

Wish me luck!! My sleep schedule is 💩 and I have very early start times starting tomorrow. Wish I could share more about the project but you’ll find out in time cuz I won’t shut up once it’s out 😂 will post recent work in the meantime

Ganbarimasuuu

[theleafpile]

shit I wish I could tell myself in my twenties now that I'm 35:

- don't play house with that man.

- loaning money to friends is the same as throwing it in the trash. you will never get that money back.

- if it feels wrong, it is. that goes for literally everything. there are no exceptions.

- never compromise. stick to your goals, even if it means you lose people. you will lose them anyway.

- buy the best used car you can afford and be prepared to take care of it for the next ten years.

- sentimental value isn't real. stop lugging around junk. thank it for being in your life and move on.

- there's no value in having a lot of books you're never going to read again. you gained the knowledge you need. if you don't need it for reference in the near future and are only holding onto it as a status symbol, you're not doing yourself any favors.

- don't stop focusing on your health and working out. it is so much easier to maintain a healthy weight than it is to have gained and try to lose it again.

- just because you can stay up as late as you want doesn't mean you should. there is no greater freedom than being able to get enough sleep.

- those summer jobs and volunteer opportunities will do nothing for you. never work for free.

- don't buy that exotic pet. when an opportunity for something fun comes up you don't want to have to be worrying about finding someone to take care of your fucking rat or fish or whatever.

- when you start getting a regular paycheck the first thing you're going to do (after essentials) is pay your debt. then you're going to build up a nest egg of "fuck you" money. do not make big unnecessary purchases. you'd rather have savings than a new TV or furniture.

others please feel free to add on advice for their twenty-something selves. I wish I could go back and shake some sense into myself. in the end everything worked out and I am happier than I could have ever dreamed, but I could have saved myself a lot of heartache along the way.

[kichijouji]

Dreamed somehow I was visiting my mom in my own hometown from far away (IRL my mom lives in oregon at the time of writing this, but my brain treated this as normal). Mom was going to drive and go get something from her apartment near bergfeld park (something to do with a previous dream scenario that I do not remember at the moment) and I wanted something to eat. I told her I remembered there was a Cici's pizza nearby (not accurate to real life), and she told me "please be careful, do you know where home is" and I scoffed because, well, this is Tyler, of course I know where home is. After talking a little more, I told her "I love you", she said it back, then she drove off. I boarded a train (despite tyler not having a rail system) to get to the Cici's pizza (only a few blocks away, for some reason, despite it being across town).

The train seemed halfway like a Big Lots store and a collection of reenacted cursed images. I tried to find a charging cable to buy (on clearance)(dream memory: all my previous charging cables had somehow....burned/got wet when I plugged them in), and angered a couple that was having a dramatic fight (they were both arguing and occasionally dancing to music that sounded like Blinding Light by The Weeknd) right in front of the shelf the charging cables were on. They stared at me and made threats under their breath while I made my way down the other train cars, partaking more weird shit the passengers were doing (one guy drinking a Dr. Pepper can full of beans, a group of people filling a balloon with watercolor paint and water, a woman stealing flowers from various vases across the train, among various things).

Then I woke up because one of my cats (Katchoo) was throwing up on my desk.

What confuses me is the fact that, because I believe in alternate worlds, and that we visit them while we sleep in dream form, why is THIS reality the most coherent and "normal"? There doesn't seem to be any particular reason why when I "wake up", that this current reality is the one where I have the most logical and timeline- based memories, where I can record my experiences in the other worlds, where I feel more "awake".

The reason I subscribe to the belief that dreams are alternate realities isn't just because of the "brain in a jar" idea (to me, whatever you are experiencing is your current reality, even for dreams or schizophrenics, and you have to navigate each one the best way you can), it's the fact that I CAN read clocks and signs and books in dream worlds, and I have memories and knowledge within those worlds.

The problem is, I wouldn't be able to TRANSCRIBE what I see on a clock face, or computer screen, or street sign, or a book, onto paper in THIS reality (this has led me to believe The Voynich Manuscript might be the product of someone's journey to another reality, albeit being somehow awake and physically present in the other reality while they did so). I can READ in dreams perfectly fine, even in places that are unfamiliar or "made up", despite being unable to write down what I read when I wake up or draw a picture of what exactly I saw on either a digital or analog clock. The memories I have within dreams fit perfectly within the timeline of the dream I am having and are coherent to the situation at hand, but often I'm unable to remember them when I wake up.

The only holes in my theory are experiences of other people's dreams, studies done on sleep and dreams, and sometimes my own experiences. For example, if I fall asleep watching a movie, that will influence my dream, which leads me to wonder if I'm not always visiting other worlds in my sleep. But it could be that because my body from this reality isn't physically there in other worlds, that the noise of this reality is just bleeding through to theirs. Other people experience being unable to read words or numbers in dreams at all. I don't know if I'm just spacial or if they are mistaking the fact that they can't transcribe written words from dreams for being unable to read at all. Sometimes I am a completely different person in other worlds in places I do not recognize upon waking up and remembering the dream. Sometimes I'm just me, in the "normal" world with things slightly changed.

[ainyan]

Send me a ❤️‍🩹 for a random succor scene from one of my works.

This is a long one... but I love this story. And I adore this scene. I hope you like it too.

From, appropriately, "Succor" - (Under a cut for length)

It was well past midnight in Old Sharlayan, and the city was asleep. Even the scholars were tucked into their beds, dreaming of the research they would perform upon the morrow. In the Baldesion Annex, the Students and the Scions slept the sleep of the righteous, secure in the knowledge that the work they did ensured the best future for the star.

Not everyone slept, however; for one, sleep was a time for uncomfortable dreams, memories of moments past, all too many of them painful or disheartening. And so she sat, tucked in a corner of the otherwise empty main hall, reading a book and trying not to think about how tired she was.

Another was just coming home, a harp slung across his back in place of his usual weapon, an expression of amused satisfaction on his handsome face. Though the hour was late and his day had been long, he’d never been one for sleep when he could do, and weariness had not yet the strength to drive him to his reluctant bed. Instead of heading down the corridor leading to the nap-rooms now occupied by sleeping scholars, he instead slipped into the main hall, intending to make use of a space that should have been empty to unwind.

He knew the moment he entered that he was not alone; he didn’t need her muttered curse and futile attempt to tuck herself into the shadows to warn him that she was there. “Kali, shouldn’t you be asleep?” he chided as he unlimbered his harp from his back and set it on a table, stepping past to approach the corner where she gazed up at him, chagrin in her lavender-edged gaze.

“I feel like you’re the pot, and I’m the kettle in this situation, Thancred,” she muttered. She cast a glance towards the harp on the table and her lips tightened slightly. “Been out enjoying our new-found freedom from the world ending this week?”

He had a sneaking suspicion at the root of the envy in her voice. “If you would take care of yourself,” he countered, “you’d be out there in short order, making mischief and having adventures.”

She opened her mouth and he could see the hot reply in her eyes, then clenched her teeth shut without uttering a word. “It’s not that easy,” she muttered, turning her eyes away.

He settled down on a box near her, folding his hands in his lap as he gazed down at her bent head. “I know.” When her shoulders twitched, he smiled. “I’m certain you remember how I pushed back against the chirurgeons on the First; whatever lessons I learned after the Praetorium, I certainly never took to heart. It’s hard to want to go when everyone else is telling you to stay.”

She rubbed her arm. “I just - it’s hard to sleep.”

His eyes narrowed at her. “Why do I have a feeling you’re not talking about your injuries?” As she continued to avoid his gaze, he shifted closer. “Tell me, Kali. I might be able to help you.”

Shaking her head, she drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms and tail about her calves. “It’s not something that can be helped,” she sighed. “It’s always been a problem, ever since I can remember. It’s my dreams. They’re not… just dreams.”

Hissing through his teeth, he shut his eyes. “You have Echo dreams,” he replied, and felt her start. “Kal’istae, do you forget that I helped to raise Minfilia? I was there when the Echo first came upon her, and I saw the side-effects of her gift - including the frequent forays into memory that were little more than reliving nightmares.”

She raised her head as he opened his eyes, staring at him in speculation. “How did she deal with them?”

His heels tapped lightly against the box upon which he was perched as he gazed down into those dark eyes with the fascinating glowing rims. “We dealt with them in a number of ways. Sometimes F’lhaminn would sleep with her; having someone else with her often helped to drive them back. Sometimes I would play for her, on those rare occasions I was around. And sometimes,” he admitted, “she would go days without sleep until she dropped from exhaustion, too tired to pay attention even if the Echo did take hold.”

“I tried to sleep tonight,” she finally admitted. “As soon as I laid down, I was back in Lakeland, when the sin eaters attacked. Sometimes it’s not so bad, but lately…” She trailed off, rubbing at her ribs. “I think I’m still very raw after what happened on Ultima Thule.”

He cast a glance towards his harp. “I’m not surprised. What happened there affected all of us, but you most of all.” He pushed himself from the box and she watched him, biting her lip, then blinked as he reached out to take up his instrument. “Come on, Kali. Let’s see if I can help you sleep properly for once.”

Her eyes were wide when he looked back at her. “I - you want to play for me?”

He lifted his harp. “Let me try,” he replied. “I would see you sleep, Kali; I would see you heal.” His expression softened. “I would care for you as you once cared for me.”

She didn’t need the Echo to remember how she had tried to help him recover from his injuries incurred at her hand in the Praetorium; driven by guilt, by affection, she’d used her power as a fledgling white mage to supplement the chirurgeons’ work, that he might return to the duties he so chafed to perform. “I - yes. Okay.”

He waited quietly by the door as she uncurled herself and slid from the box, landing silently on the floor. As she passed by, he reached out to brush his fingers over her shoulder and she reached up to catch briefly at his fingertips, not looking back. Then she slipped out into the foyer and he followed in her wake.

The late hour helped; they met with no one on their way to her room. Not that he would have cared for himself, but the last thing she needed was to be tarnished by association with his reputation. Not, he mused, that she seemed at all concerned; there was no hesitation at all in her stride or movements as she pushed open the door to her room and led the way in.

The room was cluttered, but not messy. More homey, he thought as he stepped in and let the door swing shut behind him. The long tables lining the left wall were covered in a number of objects - books, knick-knacks, crafting supplies… “If ever I needed a visual to understand your mind, this room is it.”

She paused before the wardrobe, a long, button-down shirt in her hand as she stared at him with wide eyes. “I… hmm. I never thought of it that way.” She turned to study the heaps of cloth and furs, the books, the riches and treasures and - of course - the plushes everywhere. “I guess you’re right.”

He turned his back as she draped the shirt on her bed and reached up to begin unfastening her blouse, and heard her chuckle. “Be kind, milady,” he chided as he reached down to pick up a plush she had made of Alphinaud, studying the craftsmanship with an appreciative eye, “you are a temptation I do not need.” He placed the plush down and tugged his harp from his shoulder.

She stripped off her gear and tugged the shirt over her head. “You need not salve my ego, Thancred,” she chuckled. “I am no temptation for you.”

His fingers tightened around the body of the harp until the wood creaked in protest and he stared fixedly at the door as he heard her moving around behind him, taking care of her gear and getting into bed. “I assure you, milady,” he finally replied as she called the all-clear and he turned back to face her, “I have no interest in bolstering your ego.”

She sat in her bed, pillows tucked behind her, a long indigo blouse draped over her, offering tantalizing glimpses of her blue skin and obsidian scales beneath the shimmering silk. Her eyes, a rich indigo rimmed in glowing lavender, watched him as if studying a puzzle. He grabbed a stool as he walked past the tables, setting it down at her bedside and sliding onto it. “I suppose being on the run with Ryne for all of those years didn’t help your love life any,” she finally replied lightly. “Well, with things quieting down, I imagine you’ll fix that soon enough. What did you have a mind to play?”

His fingers slid across the harp strings as he checked their tuning, ensuring that the cool air outside - not to mention his previous injudicious handling - hadn’t affected their tuning. “What may be, may be. I haven’t really thought on it,” he murmured, and felt more than saw her surprise. “There have been bigger concerns on my mind.”

“Thancred,” she said softly, and he looked up to meet her gaze, “do not neglect yourself.” Was that compassion in her eyes, or something else? He felt a spark slick down his spine and hurriedly dropped his gaze away. He’d spent far too long rejecting his response to her to give in now.

He finished tuning his harp, then struck an opening chord. “I promise you, my dear Kal’istae, I am no martyr. Lay back,” he murmured, his voice all silk and shadows, dragging her down. “Listen to the music.” Notes shivered through the air, muted and gentle, and his voice followed suit, draping over her like a warming blanket. Awed, she sank down into her bed, curling up on her side to watch him with frank admiration as he stroked his fingers across the harp strings and sang to her of sleep and safety and succor.

He watched her as she watched him, unable to take his eyes from her small, slim form as she lay curled on her side, half-drowsing from the music. So few were those who would have been so trusting; his reputation had been well and fairly earned, and he could not remember the last time he had been in a lady’s room without having amorous intentions.

Of course, his body was reminding him this wasn’t one of those times either, but he was strictly ignoring it, just as he had for the past three - eight - years.

He watched her eyes flutter closed, watched her instinctive battle against slumber that was as much a result of her natural stubbornness as it was her wariness of her constant Echo dreams. Once he was certain sleep had won out, he brought his song to a close and let the last notes shiver through the air, and then all was silence. He sat there for a few moments longer, simply gazing at her as she lay sleeping in her nest of blankets, silver-chased dark hair scattered across the pillow.

Standing, he slung his harp across his back and stepped forward, reaching down to tuck a wayward lock of midnight hair behind her horn. “Sleep well, little Warrior,” he murmured, allowing his fingertips to linger ever so briefly upon her cheek. Then he turned to go.

And she whimpered.

Whirling back, he caught sight of her tail thrashing free of her blankets even as her eyes shot open, blind and dazed. “No,” she whispered. “No, don’t. Let me - No!”

He shrugged free of the harp, catching it as it fell from his shoulder and placing it haphazardly on the stool even as he stepped back to the bed, kneeling beside her and grabbing for her flailing hand. “Kal’istae, awaken,” he commanded sharply, and she gasped, eyes growing wider before she inhaled sharply, sense returning to her face. “Damn it. I thought it worked.”

She gazed sadly at him. “It did, for a little bit,” she said. “I could feel it. I’m sorry, Thancred.”

He folded his hands around hers. “For what, Kali? This is in no way your fault. Your Echo is so infernally strong; never have I seen such power before. It’s no wonder it breaks free so often.”

She closed her eyes, nestling against her pillow as her fingers curled lightly around his. “Venat tried to teach me how to use it, but I had so little time in Elpis; I wish I’d had a chance to talk with her before I… sent her on.” She bit her lip. “Damn it! I’m stronger than this!”

His heart bled for the frustration and pain he could hear in her voice. “Of course you are, but even you cannot control all things.” He studied her pinched features, wrestling with himself; in the end, though, her need overcame his reluctance. “Here, scoot over.”

As he released her hand and rose, shrugging free of his fending jacket, her eyes flashed open and she stared at him. “I beg your pardon?”

He lifted his harp, laying his coat over the stool before placing his instrument down once more. Then he began to tug free the laces of his leather boots, wondering once again if the protection of thigh-high boots was worth the effort. “I told you, the other way Minfilia dealt with her Echo dreams was for F’lhaminn to sleep with her; having someone else helped keep them at bay. Indeed, you were fine until I started to go.”

Confused, conflicted, she squirmed towards the wall, freeing up space as he placed his boots beside the stool then began to peel off his body armor to reveal the light linen shirt and pants beneath. “You’re going to sleep in my bed with me?”

He paused, meeting her eyes. “If you object, I will go get a more comfortable chair; I prefer to sleep in comfort, however. I vow, Kali, you will be safe with me in all ways.” Her tongue flicked out to wet her lips, and he gritted his teeth, holding tight to his own words.

“I would never doubt it,” she replied, blinking at him. “It’s not…” She trailed off, then sighed, her smile trembling at the edges. “Come, Thancred. Keep me safe as you have so many times before. Stand between me and my memories and grant me your succor.”

He studied her face a moment longer, then slid onto the bed, settling to the mattress and tugging the blankets over himself. She helped him arrange the covers until he was suited, then lay her head back on the pillow even as he did, gazing at him across the ilms separating them. In silence, she reached out and he took her hand in his, drawing it to cradle against his chest. “Sleep, sweet Kal’istae,” he murmured, watching as those lavender-edged eyes fluttered shut, her lips parted on a soft breath. “Sleep. I am here. I am always here.”

“Thancred,” she whispered, and he felt her slip into slumber. Silently, he lay there, moment after moment flowing past as he watched her until he was certain that she would remain in sleep. Then he lifted her hand to his mouth, brushing his lips against her fingertips before tucking it once more possessively against his breast. Satisfied that she would sleep, he followed suit, sliding beneath the waves of consciousness to join her in slumber.

[neonluardon]

13.08.2024 - Notice and Personal Wutherings

 The current passage of time and events occurring all around the globe (but ironically, mostly near and within my country) truly pushes me back into depressive episodes. During those I kept thinking to myself and repeating the same problems that I solved or ignored a long time ago. At this point, I know when my creative mania will leave its place in my restrictive depression. When times like these come -although I'll outlive it eventually and the mania will start once again- I can't help but wonder how long this is going to take and why I have to go through it every single month.

    During these "creative mania" episodes, I become quite literally invincible regarding art and imagination. I can go for hours without food, water, and sleep. This is why when I start overworking, my stories reach incredible word counts on such short notice. For instance, it only took me four days to write 40.000 words, even though they have not been edited yet. I am certain and aware that I made many grammar mistakes while I was writing but as long as I can make most of the creative mania episode, I can leave editing and fixing parts to the restrictive depression times. The latter is more judgemental and won't act on egotistical thoughts in the first place, so even negative emotions and the heavy reality check they force are efficient.

    What was I going to talk about again rather than my decreasing sanity? Oh, right! Despite my initial hopelessness and the bad thoughts creeping back once again, I took a new and big step. I sent an informative e-mail to one of my favorite publishing houses in Türkiye, Ren Yayınları. In that e-mail, I presented the Never Alone series, provided two chapters, and declared that I would like to work with their publishing house and give Turkish publishing rights to them.

    As a Turk myself (yes, English is my second language) I figured it would be more helpful to the general Turkish Literature if I were to take a step and offer generous rights. I would offer to translate the books myself but I know that even though I am the writer herself, whatever I will translate can never compete with the masterful work of an interpreter. And if my offer were to get accepted one day, I would love to reread the story in Turkish!

    Although I need a good amount of money to ensure the safety of my family, I won't let greediness take over and ruin one of my biggest dreams, to let literature flourish everywhere. If only I had enough knowledge and experience, I would like to offer the series and even more rights to other publishing houses in the world. My current plan (if I ever manage to work with a publishing house) is to demand a little less payment in exchange for lowering the sale prices. If I ever get rich one day, I will donate or even go as far as refusing any payment so the prices can reach the lowest they can see. Especially in countries like Turkiye where there are so many readers but the books are ridiculously expensive, I would like to do everything in my power.

    The world is going downhill but I won't fall, as I have already reached the lowest point I could be at the young age of fourteen, battling depression and clinging onto the faint thought that one day, I will be able to write everything I dream of. For that reason, I attributed my very first book to my younger self, to thank her for believing in the future version of herself and fighting.

    That girl had no one but her original characters and now, they are becoming real thanks to her.

[dfroza]

instrumental Saturday

track #[8] on the forthcoming album Outerstate by Kessoncoda

X is closer to A

the 1st and 24th letters of the English alphabet, similar in nature to the alphabetic number 124 of the written words “i love you”

the beginning letter A (also Aleph and Alpha in Hebrew and Greek)

the Alpeh-Bet (in the nature of writing and forming legible words)

do you know that some things have been written down before they come to be?

there is deep significance in the written Word just as there is in Divine and human speech

there is a living Book that “breathes…” in Heart (in Spirit)

A set of lines from Psalm 139 penned by King David for the 139th day of the year (2024) translated in English in the Voice translation of the Bible:

For the worship leader. A song of David.

O Eternal One, You have explored my heart and know exactly who I am;

You even know the small details like when I take a seat and when I stand up again.

Even when I am far away, You know what I’m thinking.

You observe my wanderings and my sleeping, my waking and my dreaming,

and You know everything I do in more detail than even I know.

You know what I’m going to say long before I say it.

It is true, Eternal One, that You know everything and everyone.

You have surrounded me on every side, behind me and before me,

and You have placed Your hand gently on my shoulder.

It is the most amazing feeling to know how deeply You know me, inside and out;

the realization of it is so great that I cannot comprehend it.

Can I go anywhere apart from Your Spirit?

Is there anywhere I can go to escape Your watchful presence?

If I go up into heaven, You are there.

If I make my bed in the realm of the dead, You are there.

If I ride on the wings of morning,

if I make my home in the most isolated part of the ocean,

Even then You will be there to guide me;

Your right hand will embrace me, for You are always there.

Even if I am afraid and think to myself, “There is no doubt that the darkness will swallow me,

the light around me will soon be turned to night,”

You can see in the dark, for it is not dark to Your eyes.

For You the night is just as bright as the day.

Darkness and light are the same to Your eyes.

For You shaped me, inside and out.

You knitted me together in my mother’s womb long before I took my first breath.

I will offer You my grateful heart, for I am Your unique creation, filled with wonder and awe.

You have approached even the smallest details with excellence;

Your works are wonderful;

I carry this knowledge deep within my soul.

You see all things; nothing about me was hidden from You

As I took shape in secret,

carefully crafted in the heart of the earth before I was born from its womb.

You see all things;

You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb;

Every detail of my life was already written in Your book;

You established the length of my life before I ever tasted the sweetness of it.

Your thoughts and plans are treasures to me, O God! I cherish each and every one of them!

How grand in scope! How many in number!

If I could count each one of them, they would be more than all the grains of sand on earth. Their number is inconceivable!

Even when I wake up, I am still near to You.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 139:1-18 (The Voice)

also Today (the 18th of may) is the 61st day of Astronomical Spring that points to 61 Honeoye Street where i lived in 2008 in a basement bedroom at my friend Calvin’s house

the lines of Psalm 61 also by David as read in the Message Bible:

God, listen to me shout,

bend an ear to my prayer.

When I’m far from anywhere,

down to my last gasp,

I call out, “Guide me

up High Rock Mountain!”

You’ve always given me breathing room,

a place to get away from it all,

A lifetime pass to your safe-house,

an open invitation as your guest.

You’ve always taken me seriously, God,

made me welcome among those who know and love you.

Let the days of the king add up

to years and years of good rule.

Set his throne in the full light of God;

post Steady Love and Good Faith as lookouts,

And I’ll be the poet who sings your glory—

and live what I sing every day.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 61 (The Message)

[collegiatedegenrate]

My Backstory

I go by R on here, and I'm creating this Tumblr to document and help motivate me with Tumblr's beautiful aesthetics, to complete my wildest academic dreams as someone who is pursuing higher education.

My story is quite similar to other addicts and those who have struggled with substance abuse. I can tell you that I had a rough abusive childhood or how I was so convinced I deserved the things I went through that I allowed it to continue and haunt me into my adult years. But this story isn't about that, it may have been the starting point but it is not my ending, and I will not allow my life to center around it anymore.

I started using drugs and drinking when I was young. It started with alcohol. By the time I was 18 I had a full blown drinking problem and substance abuse issue. I would go to school blackout drunk. I would take double doses of vyvance to get me through class, and take Xanax at night to sleep. I went to school full time, I worked full time. And I made perfect grades, until I didn't.

See, the issues showed before that. And yes, I was so obviously trying to run from my pain. At that point in my life, all I wanted was to numb myself to my emotions, and I had no care as to how that happened. Around sophomore year is when things started to spiral. I cared less and less about how I looked, and I stopped trying in class. I loved learning when I was young. I loved to read. Through years of abuse, how could I possibly care about either of those? I lost my passion for knowledge, because all I cared about was not feeling a damn thing.

I finished high school with a gpa of 3.4, which amazes me to this day. My prospects were not looking good, especially for someone who didn't care about their life. I felt an overwhelming weight of the world on my shoulders as probably any 18 year old does. Hell, we got told "choose your career path you want to pursue for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE:)." I tried. I think I've known my passion has always science. I understood it like the back of my hand. It came naturally, with ease, and with so much joy. The college I chose, was the one in my town that pretty much everyone goes to. So instead of choosing the college of my dreams (if you would've asked freshman year me; Vanderbilt) I chose the one everyone else chose.

I didn't last half the semester before I dropped out. My anxiety and depression were eating me alive to the point I couldn't eat or hold down food, and I couldn't sleep. On top of it all, my drug and alcohol use was at the highest levels. So I dropped out. Actually, I just stopped going.

Now I'm a few months away from being 25, and in the near 7 years I've been out of highchool, I could probably write a book of the shit I've experienced. And that's exactly it. I didnt hit my turning point until after I got sober. I got sober after rehab. But the moment I got sober was not the moment my life changed, but goddamn was it a catalyst for it. Rock bottoms arent always drug related, although many of mine were, but also due to lack of passion. I was living a life that would soon run me into the ground, even without drugs or alcohol. Im not sure I'm ready to delve into the nuances of what I did in-between now and then. All I knew was that I had to do something different. Things had to change, I must surrender to the universe.

So I moved back home with my family. I have been substance abuse free for 2 years now, and I start community college this fall. No, its not the college of my dreams, but its a starting point and god am I grateful just for the opportunity. I will see it through this time around. I know what I don't want to do for the rest of my life, and while I'm not 100% sure the exact route I want to take, I know that I'm ready to venture out and try what I think I want to do.

Thank you to anyone who read any part of that. This is mainly an online journal for myself. I am here for support to any other young adult who's pursuing higher education and/or has a past or is currently struggling with substance abuse/addiciton. Life is worth living, and we might as well try for our dreams while we're here.

Much Love, R

[submissivebarbieblog]

The Final Bullet In The Chamber

There is a disorientation between heart and mirror. This disorientation dug into me so deep I was bleeding out. For about three years I would take my sleep medicine and as I emptied out the bottle in my palm. I Would ask myself if today was the day. It’s true when someone goes dark there will be signs but NOTHING will prepare you for the eventual crash. I’m finally ready to talk about this, because though I'm not fixed, iv got my fight back. A Fight I truthfully at the end of my marriage. 

The end of my marriage was a bullet to the brain. She didn’t want kids, she could have them and I could not. I Wanted to fucking strangle her, I fucking despised her because I could take a maybe but with her it was never. She never wanted to see threw my eyes, my emotions meant jack shit to her. Then after i left she had a kid? What was i nothing, I did everything fucking possible for this cunt and now I'm nothing but a fucking sex toy. It’s true the last year but at the end it was like shoveling glass in my mouth and swallowing. I Was bleeding inside and then pushing it aside.  So I ran, and for years I lived a façade. My mental disorders, my abuse, my relationship all eating at me. If they found out would they still love me, or will they all walk like everyone else. If they found out my perverted jokes were a darker substance. I Quoted myself saying if u put the bible in front of me i would be the definition of sin. That bullshit book is a restraining order about what to do and what fucking not to do. If I didn’t follow it I let down those who raised me, but everything i am is taught a sin. Were not supposed to eat an apple because it gained knowledge talk about a god complex. Holding humanity by the throat because you can’t take someone maybe overpowering you. Don’t have sex before marriage, religious nuts with promise rings. So if I bust a nut I'm going to hell, if I get aroused that’s temptation and when you give into temptation you risk your place in a land no one knows a shit about? The bible talks about forgiveness were is your forgiveness when someone is beating you near a inch of your life, where's your forgiveness when i was raped and cried for help. I’m supposed to love god but to do so i have to give up on everything.

In the end on that day I was on my knees and I promised myself I'm done, either this takes me out and i don’t have to live like this anymore. Or if I live I'm taking down all this bullshit, I'm not living for anything that’s gonna put me on a crucifix. If your gonna mess with me then bet your ass I'm not scared to bleed. I’m taking you down with me. I Swallowed pills with tears, i kept swallowing them and guess what either i was lucky and all this was a bullshit miracle, or it was a miracle. Either way, it don’t matter it’s the end result. Watch me now, see how i smile, watch me fight tooth to bone and hear me speak uncompromised. Fucking hypocrites Brandie, Francisco and fucking followers like Tricia. I Can’t stand by your teaching’s because that book has no fucking precedence in my life. I Don’t want to be saved, i don’t want my life in anyone else’s hands and living in regret on a fucking notion.

Your teachings of one thing, then turn around doing another and this was what i was supposed to live my life on. Your not parent’s ,teachers, friends, your not hero’s but god damn fucking hypocrites and yes I'm pissed. I Trusted u more then life and this is all i got. If following you means death then i choose life, and if living to my own dreams means in your eyes that i’m going to hell. I’m fucking having a god damn BBQ. Since i woke up, i have a sleep schedule, i have a smile and holy crap I'm smiling so happy. Iv met people, talked with people. I Never knew life could be this good. If u feel conflicted, then please don’t live with regrets. We were born to fly and all that’s happening is your falling. Cut them out and watch yourself fly.

I Have ghost face with me a lot because a plushie is my coping. I Had zero bad thoughts walking into the dentist office because i had him. Sure i got looks but who cares. My life my fucking way. I’m not scared to show u my face because it’s not me. My makeup, me being a trans is me. I’m not male I'm female and the female u want to fuck with. If u love me stay, if i offend you then walk i’m done caring because I'm focusing on me. 

[rek1s-headband]

hi! figured i’d drop a request for you :))! Maybe some general bf hcs for reki and langa? Just in general how they would be as a boyfriend or how they would act in a relationship?

Hi!! Thank you so much for your request, I’ve been excited to do one of these. I hope you enjoy it!

➯ random boyfriend headcannons

➯ characters: Reki Kyan and Langa Hasegawa x gn reader

➯ warnings: none! Just some fluff for these two boys:)

Reki:

-Literally the most enthusiastic person you’ve ever seen. He’d be happy to just sit in silence with you because come on, it’s YOU. There’s no one he’d rather be wasting the hours away with.

-Your biggest hype man, EVER. You post something on Instagram? Get ready for a flood of comments, all from him. You could put your phone down for two minutes after posting, and you’ll come back to 99+ notifications of just reki commenting along the lines of “woah suddenly I’m on one knee” “DAMNNNN” and many, many more.

-Never leave your phone unattended around him. He won’t snoop, but be prepared to come back to your camera roll flooded with just zoomed in pictures of his face, his mouth, his eye, ANYWHERE. Mf is spamming your whole phone with pictures of him for you to come back to.

-He has to always be touching you in some way. Whether it’s holding your hand, your waist, a casual arm around your shoulder, there has to be something. He’ll put his hand on your ass sometimes while you walk in public.

-Honestly doesn’t even think PDA is anything out of the ordinary. Like, you’re his s/o??? Yes you’re in his lap, yes you’re in the middle of the skatepark, so what? You’re his, and he’s happy he can make everyone aware of that.

-I saw a post on here that said he would peel stickers off fruit and stick them to peoples’ foreheads, and I fully stand by this. However, it doesn’t just stop at fruit stickers. Anything remotely sticky, whether it’s tags from clothes, tape from a food box, even random sequins and bits of glitter he finds around, it’s immediately being stuck to some part of your face.

-Loves casual dates. Stopping by food stalls, browsing in clothes and game stores for a few hours, and skating around with you until it’s time to go home is a dream for him. Be prepared for day-long dates, because he will clear his entire schedule just to spend the day with you.

-His family adores you. His mother is always goading him to bring you over more, complaining that she misses her "honorary son/daughter/child". His sisters love you too. Any time you come over there’s immediately three tiny bodies shooting at you, grabbing you by the waist and dragging you over to wherever they’re playing. Reki tries to drag you away, wanting to have you for himself, but you always try and stay for at least five or ten minutes. Secretly, he loves that you get along so well with his siblings, going soft at the thought of how you would act with children of your own.

-He loves playing video games with you. Sitting in his lap, the two of you could spend hours switching from game to game. One minute you could be burning down a village in Minecraft, the next complaining while Reki whoops your ass in Mario Kart. His mom brings you food for your breaks between games, and she’ll even stay for a few minutes to talk to you while Reki shifts underneath you, glowing red from embarassment.

-If you can’t skate, he would beg to teach you. If you accept, he goes all out. He’ll make you your own customised board just for practicing, making sure it’s absolutely perfert for you to learn on. But if you can skate, get ready for endless races and competitions to see who can nail a new trick the quickest.

-Adores when you come to S to support him. He loves looking into the crowd and seeing you there cheering him on before he goes into a beef. If he wins, he’ll race over to where you are in the crowd, picking you up and spinning you around, kissing you without a care in the world. However, if he loses he’s thankful you’re always there to pick him back up and make him feel better afterwards.

-Loves cleaning you up after a big fall, kissing your bruises and cuts better. He’ll carefully wrap each injury with care, telling you how brave you are, no matter how small the cut. Secretly, he loves when you baby him after he falls himself. Seeing you wipe away the blood from a new cut and place a small plaster on it with such tenderness melts his heart in a way only you could.

-Speaking of plasters, this man has one for every occasion. Princesses, pirates, aliens, cats, dogs, sparkles, stripes, you name it, he’s got it.

-The type to sneak you out at two in the morning to get a slushee with him. Honestly, he’s up so late making boards for people he just has no perception of time.

-Spams your phone with TikToks or other funny things that reminds him of you. It could be a very specific thing, or a flower or cloud. If he thinks of you when he sees it(which is fairly often), it gets sent to you.

-Talks with his hands a lot. He’s a very expressive talker, so when he’s telling you a story it feels like you’re right there in the story with him.

-Please just kiss him. His cheeks, his forehead, his hand, his shoulder, his temples, his lips. Anywhere, he’ll melt under you. Mf is touch starved to the max.

-Always knows how to make you laugh. His laugh is infectious, it could get you out of your darkest moods.

-Sleeps with his head on your chest, and one hand in your shirt little perv.

-His social media is like a SHRINE for you. His highlights, his posts, his stories, EVERYWHERE. He’s just so proud to be able to call you his that he wants the whole world to know.

-Kisses in the rain while you run home, skateboards in your hands after the weather forecast failed you once again. He’s just so happy in the moment that he can’t contain himself, so he’s pulling you into him in the pouring rain, kissing you hard while your hair gets drenched.

-You don’t need to steal his clothes, he will literally give them to you because “you just look so cute wearing them”. Occasionally, he’ll take one of your hoodies, and even if it doesn’t exactly fit him, he’ll still keep it near him while he sleeps so he can keep your scent close to him.

Langa:

-This man is so oblivious to obvious hints, but still manages to pick up on the smallest of details? It’s incredible, honestly. He could describe the exact colour of your eyes with the most insane detail, but he still won’t notice when you try and hint that you like him in the first place!

-You two have a bit more of a low-key relationship, but you’ll make your usual appearance in his Instagram posts, or on his Snapchat story with a casual caption like a simple heart, or “my love<3”

-Not very big on PDA, not because he doesn’t like it, but because he doesn’t think of it. However, when he does feel like he’s being too physically distant, he’ll link pinkies with you as you walk along, or rest his head on your shoulder while you watch a video on your phone.

-His mom adores you, which is why Langa despises bringing you to his house. You always seem to leave with seven of his baby photos from his time snowboarding in Canada, a new recipe from his mother that you complimented, another one of his hoodies, and more miscellaneous stuff that you don’t even know how it ended up in your bag. He has a little shelf in your room specifically for this random stuff, and he always adds to the collection when he comes to your house. He’ll leave a keyring, a small toy, a Polaroid, anything honestly.

-Loves dates that you can experience. The movies, aquariums, museums and the zoo are common dates for the two of you to go on, but other than that, he adores going skateboarding with you. He’s been improving, and he loves when you notice little things he’s been picking up on, whether it be a new trick or simply how he balances himself on the board.

-Adores old Disney movies. Yall will binge a ton of them in one day, having full-blown musicals in Langa’s living room. When any of the romantic songs come on, like “So this is Love” from Cinderella, Langa will stand up and offer his hand to you, as the two of you waltz around his sitting room, humming the tune of the song.

-Study dates are frequent with the two of you. If you happen to stay up late studying and fall asleep on each other, his mother will cover the two of you with a blanket, tidying some of your books and leaving with a smile, happy with the knowledge you were making her son the happiest he’s been in quite a while.

-Slow dancing in the kitchen while you cook is a regular. When a particularly sappy love song comes on while he stirs the pot, he’ll turn around and hold you close to him, twirling you around the kitchen.

-Reki constantly jokes that he is a third wheel, poking fun at the two of you, Cherry and Joe, and Shadow and “his little girlfriend back at the flower shop”. He’ll hang out of Miya, whining about them having to stick together since they’re the only two “lone wolves”. He’ll usually get a well-earned thump into the back of the head from Miya, but it’s still funny to watch the whole thing go down.

-Tends to be shy when giving you clothes, so instead of asking you to wear them he’ll leave them out in places he knows you’ll find them, or he’ll come up behind you and plop it in your lap, murmuring about how cute it would look on you.

-Please do this man’s makeup. He will sit so still for you, waiting patiently while you dab eyeshadow at his eyes, trying not to blink so you don’t mess up his mascara. He’ll sit there mesmerised for a few minutes, taking in how he looks, and simply whisper “you do this every day?”

-Evem though he’s not a very openly affectionate person, he is stuck to your hip behind closed doors. He’ll lie in your lap for hours, staring up at you while you mess with his hair, pulling it into little plaits and pigtails.

-I can’t even describe how the two of you sleep. It’s simply a mass of limbs, and no one knows exactly what belongs to who. Somehow one of yall will end up upside down, and-why is Langa on the floor??

-He could talk about his time in Canada for hours, and you’d just lie on his chest and listen to him. Every once in a while he’ll look down at you to see if you’re still listening, and his heart will melt a little every time he sees you staring back up at him, eyes wide with interest.

-This man NEVER gets jealous. You’d literally have to cling to another man for it to click in his brain that Oh. He doesn’t like that.

-He’s not big on texting, but if you call him he will stay on that call with you for hours, even after the two of you fall asleep.

-Whenever he falls(which is quite often), you’ll always have plasters on hand to help fix him up. He always flushes bright red when you kiss his cuts better, and never knows just what to do with himself afterwards.

-When he skates against tough opponents, you’ll always give him a kiss for good luck. Of course, this doesn’t stop you worrying, but you know Langa wouldn’t go out of his way to get injured. And if he does, well, at least he’ll have you there to kiss his bruises better.

[onesunofagun]

I shall now yell about Ingo, please stand by:

Ingo’s transformation from the underappreciated backbone of the ranch to an absolute ruff-wearing cantaloupe of a man is also pretty interesting (if you’re the kind of person who absorbs the Zelda series through your skin like a frog to live).

I’ve bolded the key points for skimmers.

Granted, the manga has it that Ingo just gets brainwashed by Twinrova into being a staunch follower of Ganondorf. That’s not canon, but it’s not informing any of this thinking, either way. 

In the beginning of OoT we meet Talon by waking him up from a nap, and we learn pretty quickly that he’s lazy and often yelled at by his daughter for slacking off like this. Ingo at the ranch confirms again that Talon doesn’t pull his weight around there, and since Malon’s still a child, it’s pretty obvious that Ingo’s settled with the bulk of the work.

Ingo is grumpy, he’s resentful, and he complains a lot. But he does do the work, and you can find him (presumably) in the process of mucking out the stables. 

Let’s examine what he does at the ranch:

Epona really liked that song... Only I could tame that horse... Even Mr. Ingo had a hard time...

Now, Epona is established in game to be a real winner of a horse. She’s fast, she’s smart, she’s got a lovely sorrel coat and white mane that seems to be quite rare or highly prized coloring. The catch is, she is notoriously wild. The only people she tolerates are Malon and Link, due in large part to being soothed by the song Malon’s mother taught her.

Ingo had to really try to crack this horse, which Malon’s observation suggests is unusual. 

Epona is very young when we first see her, so it’s never really revealed if she was caught wild, or bred at the ranch with a very headstrong temperament.

Ingo’s clearly the guy that’s breaking them in, though. The most Talon is doing is... sleeping in with the cuccos. We never see any organisation of the cuccos, in terms of egg collection or poultry farming, but nevertheless, Talon has the much less physical jobs even if he was doing them. His focus seems to be cuccos, deliveries to the castle and book keeping between naps (and to be fair it’s probably a little depression related, given the dead wife).

Malon gives us a cow later on, and she’s got the egg for the crowing cucco that wakes up Talon, so I’d like to assume for simplicity’s sake that even as a kid, Malon was up at dawn most days helping Ingo with the cows and milking them. It’s never really implied that she has amazing skill in dealing with horses, just that Epona has a special connection with her specifically. Other than that, Malon is simply kind and respectful of her animals (though I’ve got no idea how she got that cow to Link’s treehouse and that’s worth investigating). 

Later on, Ingo is also shown to be a competent rider. Enough that he has absolutely no qualms in challenging Link to races for wagers, and was quite confident of his ability to win.

The takeaway is, Ingo is usually VERY GOOD with both caring for and training horses, if not breeding them for the ranch.

That kind of lends to his grumbling, when he is referring to himself as ‘the Great Ingo’ and comparing himself to Talon, who is a ‘bum’. His claim to greatness may not be undeserved, at least in horse circles, and especially if he’s not getting particular credit for it, his bitterness and frustration (alongside envy, exhaustion, and dreams of recognition) would be quite deeply run.

So it seems that his friend and employer is clearly taking some advantage of him, especially after the death of Malon’s mother.

So now, let’s examine his feelings, and how he changes.

The feelings Ingo has about that are pretty textbook for the sort of thing ‘evil takes hold of and twists’, in the Zeldaverse.

Focussing on the game itself, Malon says this as an adult:

Since Ganondorf came, people in the Castle Town have gone, places have been ruined, and monsters are wandering everywhere. Mr. Ingo is just using the ranch to gain Ganondorf's favor... Everyone seems to be turning evil...

We do see other characters in Hyrule become influenced by the ‘darkness in their hearts’ as byproduct of Ganondorf’s reign. 

A prominent example of a character who was visibly dissatisfied with their lot, and then notably changes (while praising Ganondorf for what he’d done), is the Castle Guard who is heavily implied to have become the Poe Dealer. Even if by some slim means it’s not the same person, the Poe Dealer does still express that they could not do the work they do without Ganon as King, and that they now benefit from him being in that position and are grateful to him.

The Kakariko Carpenters seem to have given into their fantasies about living among the Gerudo women, and gone out to the Valley and gotten themselves taken prisoner. Following work near the fortress, the team chooses to act on their selfish desires and go for broke, chasing their dreams. They weren’t previously prepared to act upon these fantasies when Link was young, admittedly much milder in their still very prominent obsession, but seven years later, they’re quite happy to risk it all and piss away the stability of their careers (and nearly their lives) at the first opportunity.

Anyway, the trend is, those across Hyrule who are unhappy with their lot before Ganondorf’s coup tend to be ‘corrupted’ by seven years later, and appear to have given in to a twisted version of whatever they most wanted. 

This is noteworthy especially because the language in the game revolves around the Sacred Realm being opened and corrupted, too, by Ganondorf’s unbalanced heart and selfish goals. It is unable to be ‘sealed’ again while Link has the Master Sword. In aLttP, we know there is a mirror like effect to do with the sacred turned dark realm, in which it reflects the hearts of men. 

So it is very reasonable to say, that for OoT in particular, much of this evil influence plaguing the land and preying on the darkness an people’s hearts is a result of the corruption of the Sacred Realm. It is an indirect byproduct of Ganondorf’s acquiring of the Triforce, but not necessarily something he himself does to people on purpose, unlike the brainwashing of Nabooru.

Mr. Ingo is just using the ranch to gain Ganondorf's favor... But Dad... He was kicked out of the ranch by Mr. Ingo... If I disobey Mr. Ingo, he will treat the horses so badly...

This explains a lot of the more callous and greedy behaviour that Ingo shows later on, and why it seems to disappear when he is truly humbled by Link. 

Link’s win serves as a reminder of Ingo’s stagnating skill with horses, the very thing that made him feel so deserving of praise and recognition in the first place, in that for everything he now has control of at the ranch, he still cannot control that horse. He has become as much of a bum as Talon ever was, relegating Malon to do all the hard work while Ingo struts around uselessly. He’s even lost his touch with the Horses so much, in his arrogance, that now he has taken up mistreating them and using harsh and abusive methods (according to Malon’s concerns).

The humiliation and shame takes hold, his pride shattering with the loss of Epona-- not only as a valuable asset, but also as the horse he could never truly tame.

The dark feelings he was holding onto are let go of, as he regains a sense of humility, and the corruptive influence upon him dissipates. He even seeks out Talon to bury the hatchet and invite him back to the ranch.

Oh, I have to tell you about Mr. Ingo... He was afraid that the Evil King might find out that Epona had been taken away... It really upset him! But one day, all of a sudden, he went back to being a normal, nice person! Now my dad is coming back...I can't believe it, but peace is returning to this ranch!

But what about his obsession with Ganondorf in particular?

When the coup happened, Ingo watched the King of the Gerudo unwittingly play out a sort of grand parallel to what Ingo felt should happen on the ranch. To Ingo’s perception, I think Ganondorf was representing an ideal version of Ingo himself. 

A man of the desert, where hard work and grit are as second nature to survive the harsh conditions. A man frustrated with the King of Hyrule’s shit, and forced to swear fealty to him despite being a King himself. A man resplendent with wealth, with fine and flashy clothes and plentiful jewelry.

And perhaps the most important note of all, the Gerudo in OoT? 

They’re horse people. 

They love horses. Ganondorf’s horse is reputed to be a purebred Black Gerudo Stallion, which is obviously a specialty breed, that is fully armoured and as flashy as he is. When the Gerudo cut the bridge leading to the valley, the only way in and out is to have a skilled horse jump the gap. 

They also have a huge horseback archery range, and prowess in the sport is an incredible source of respect amongst the Gerudo, and many of the guards possess bladed polearms suitable for mounted use. From this, it can be assumed that during the recent civil war, Gerudo weapons, war tack and military tactics were probably built around mounted cavalry archers foremost, with a lesser focus on light and heavy cavalry aside (iron knuckle armour springs to mind).

Anyway, Horses are very important to the Gerudo in the era of Ocarina of Time.

So Ganondorf is also unique in the sense that he is the King of a people who value what it is that Ingo does very highly. He, of all people, stands to immediately recognise the knowledge and skill that Ingo possesses in rearing horses.

So this is a man who successfully stages a coup of Hyrule, who clearly inspires Ingo to do much the same of the ranch, and who Ingo also feels is very likely to take his side should he appeal the matter.

And Ganondorf does.

And if that’s not a great compliment to Ingo’s actual skill, I don’t know what is, because Ganondorf is not a man that suffers fools. He’s got a limited patience when it comes to shit that is beneath his notice. Clearly, he recognises that Ingo is indeed the backbone of that ranch-- and the main reason for the quality of its Horses-- and rewards this accordingly.

And for Ingo, being on decent terms with the big scary goth King is a very, very good place to be. But it’s more than that!

What a guy! Not only did he deliver on Ingo’s long due validation, he gave Ingo everything he’d ever dreamed of having to his name, and the authority to kick Talon to the curb. He gets it! Ganondorf, this great eight foot beacon of freshly sought divine power and topaz-encrusted glory, this absolute unit of a man, this great underdog horse-lover after Ingo’s own heart; he really understands how great Ingo is. Ganondorf is paving the way for people like them! Oh, to rub shoulders wiht such greatness when the rest of Hyrule is scorned. 

Ingo feels seen. The Great Ganondorf made all that thankless time spent shovelling horse shit while Talon slept mean something. The Gerudo appreciate Ingo’s talents.

And all Ingo has to do is keep turning out really good horses, and promise to present the King with his finest.

So Ingo knows he’s in deep shit when he gets cocky and loses Epona to a wager, who at this point, he’s prepared pretty well and sunk a lot of money into on the idea that she’s going to Ganondorf. 

Who he’s probably bragged to about how fast she is.

He lost her to some jerk in tights who’d barely ridden before, too. And then when Ingo tried to cheat him out of the win, the kid jumped the damned fence an in ass-bustingly cool move that really just drove home how excellent and rare Epona was.

One does not promise the King of the Gerudo a fast horse and then fail to deliver, let alone for such a stupid reason.

Honestly, by the end, the man’s just happy to be alive.

Also I’d like to think he and Talon had a much fairer delegation of work and forgave each other, each really learning to appreciate what they have and what’s really important.

how the fuck did the Kokiri leave the forest for this scene anyway, they don’t even have their faries???