#eddie and his catholic guilt

[42starsintheuniverse]

Something I haven't seen enough discussion around is Eddie's catholic guilt in relation to 'the nuclear family'. So many people have pointed out the potential for gay repression due to his catholic upbringing- but what about his obsession with finding a mum replacement for Shannon??

So Ana is his first choice after Shannon dies and Eddie explicitly admits that he chose her because Chris liked her as a mother figure. Marisol he did pick based on her being pretty, but then he ends up literally staring off into the distance and remembering sex with Shannon- so it's clear that there really isn't anything other than 'prettyness' that's making Eddie stay with her. Then he sees a woman that looks like Shannon, and instantly gets unhealthily attached to her, in the hopes that he can re-create what he had with his dead wife.

I'd make a guess that Eddie has a LOT of guilt about the relationship he had with Shannon. I'd guess that since they got pregnant really young, out of wedlock, and proceeded to get married in order to 'rectify the mistake of daring to have a child in this way' (becuase you KNOW the church and their community pressured them to Wed, it's literally something Eddie says). But I think Eddie probably doesn't want to think about the problems that come with them being together so young. They fought, they bailed on each other, they didn't communicate well- but those behaviours are the RESULT of other issues. Issues like 'we literally were not fully realized people when Shannon got pregnant', 'we didn't really know who we were' 'we didn't know what we wanted in life'.

Everything about Eddie says that Christopher is the best thing in his life, and I 100% think that's true. I think Eddie loves Chris more than anything. But because of that, I feel like Eddie doesn't want to attach ANYTHING negative to Chris. And it's like, Eddie, you're allowed to acknowledge that Chris -who you love dearly- was the result of a rocky relationship. Chris is allowed to be an unintentional pregnancy. It's okay if Chris wasn't planned, that doesn't make Chris bad, and it doesn't make either Eddie or Shannon bad.

But I think Eddie is a guy who really REALLY wants to be in control. He wears a mask around most of the time pretending to be in control of his life and emotions. Consider in the lawsuit arc, when Eddie yells at Buck in the grocery he says "We all have our own problems, but you don't see us whining about it. Somehow we just manage to suck it up." Like ??? Eddie I'm so sorry, you are the mayor of repression. Like he acts as if he can control things because the reality that he can't control things is literally terrifying to him.

But it's also something religion can kind of influence you to think!!! There's a strong theme in Catholic circles that 'what you think leads to what you do'. The idea being 'sinful thoughts leading to sinful behaviour'. And if you look at Eddie's character in regards to that..... Yeah, things kinda look screwed up for him. Because he's been through a lot; being a kid with absent father, looking after his sisters, having a disabled child at a young age, living in warzones, a rocky relationship with his wife, working 3 jobs while being a single dad, being shot by a sniper - this dude is TRUAMATIZED. And he probably has TONS of really bad thoughts all the time, 'what if I died right now, what if I kill people right now, what if this person I'm trying to save dies, if I grab the gun from this nutcase I could kill him and that would save everyone a lot of hassle' type thoughts.

And the fact that he represses all of this, and refuses to bring it up, and insists that he can just move on from all his trauma no problem- it all culminates in this arc he's going through with cheating and hurting the people around him.

Which is funny- because it seems that Eddie is constantly striving to achieve the perfect family, to get back to the idea of the nuclear family with a mum, dad, and kid.... But all he's ended up doing is hurting everyone around him. Hurting Marisol by cheating, hurting Chris by forcing mother figures into his life instead of it happening naturally, and hurting himself by refusing to actually fix the root cause of problems.

By trying so hard to obtain a 'perfect family' he's destroying the family he already has. Because in Eddie's own words "The 118 is the family we chose." And he's messing that up.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

No no you don’t understand - that it was Buck (and another guy) ripping the sleeves off Eddie’s PINK shirt is so interesting and loud. Pink representing innocence and naïveté this season as a theme - so Buck ripping off a sleeve (and waving it around) is a physical representation of buck being the one to rip away part of Eddie’s innocence- his naïveté

[buck-up-buck]

Canon Events that have happened over the three episodes that have me going INSANE (like, these actually happened and are not Fanon.)

Buck asked Tommy for a tour of Harbour, not because he wanted to consider learning to fly, or leave the 118, but soley because he wanted to hang out with Tommy.

Buck used Christopher for information on Tommy.

Buck pretended to suddenly be into Basketball so that he could go to the game, just because he knew Eddie and Tommy would be there.

MADDIE MOCKED BUCK ABOUT OPENLY HAVING A CRUSH ON EDDIE.

Buck body slammed Eddie while playing Basketball (honestly, I still cannot get over the fact that he YEETED THIS BOII).

Tommy got Buck's address from Eddie and chose to come around to apologise to Buck even though, TECHNICALLY, Buck was the one acting like a spoilt brat all episode.

BUCK WAS KISSED BY A MAN. SPECIFICALLY, BUCK WAS KISSED BY TOMMY. And then proceeded to be swept off his feet by this man and was left starstruck in his apartment, after Tommy openly communicated that he had to go to work and wasn't just kissing and bailing.

"I'm an Ally."... Need I say no more.

Buck acted like a totally fucking idiot on his first date with Tommy, and proceeded to have Tommy cut the date short because of how unready he seemed. WHICH BY THE WAY, TOMMY AGAIN COMMUNICATED SO BEAUTIFULLY WITH BUCK AND PROCEEDED TO STILL CALL THIS MAN ADORABLE. HE CALLED HIM ADORABLE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Buck accidently outed himself to Maddie because he was doing a ramble ramble about his lil buck'ed up date.

Buck told Eddie he was on a date with Tommy, and Eddie proceeded to be the bestie of besties to Buck and told him, they all loved him anyways. HE USED THE WORDS. Bucks face in that scene will forever make my lil gay heart WEEP.

Buck told Eddie he couldn't stop thinking about the hot pilot that kissed him. CRYING.

Buck proceeded to grow the fuck up and apologised to Tommy, face to face, out in a public space, knowing full well that Tommy could have dropped his ass there and then, but still wanted to show him how sorry he was, and that he was, in fact, ready.

BUCK INVITED TOMMY TO BE HIS DATE TO THE MADNEY WEDDING DESPITE ONLY technically GOING ON TWO DATES. AND THEN TOMMY. SAID. YES. HE SAID YES. YES.

Buck also then invited Tommy to Chim's bachelor party, HELD HIS ARMS OPEN ACROSS THE ROOM READY FOR A HUG, told Tommy off for his outfit, showing off true Clipboard Buck form, AND THEN TOUCHED HIS PECK.

Eddie, the bestie of besties, got all sappya and jokey when he saw Tommy and Buck together.

Buck got all pouty when Tommy had to go to work, BUT TOLD HIM TO BE SAFE. HE SAID BE SAFE DAMNIT.

Buck got all goofy and smiley when he saw that Tommy had arrived at the hospital, MEANING, that he was most likely texting Tommy all day updating him on everything that was going on, even if Tommy couldn't respond while attending to the fire.

BUCK. CALLED. TOMMY. A. BEAST. HE SAID THIS CANONICALLY. ARE YOU JOKING. HE FULLY ATTACKED MY MAN, WHILE HE WAS COVERED IN SOOT AND SHIT, SNOGGED HIS FACE OFF IN A HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM, AND CALLED HIM A BEAST. I AM DECEASED.

Buck, the idiot that he is, proceeded to out himself, to his entire family, by coming back into the room, most likely 15 to 20 minutes after leaving, covered in soot because he had been uncontrollably making out with his hot pilot boyfriend.

Eddie, the bestie of besties, GOT SO FUCKING SMUG WHEN HE SAW BUCK AND TOMMY WALK BACK IN THAT ROOM. HE PULLED THE SAME FACE I PULL WHEN MY FRIENDS HAVE COME BACK FROM MAKING OUT WITH PEOPLE AND I AM HERE FOR IT. EDDIE YOU BESTIE SLAY SLAY SLAY.

Hen, the queen that she is, has most likely spoken to Karen about her suspicons of Buck's sexuality, and procceed to say ABOUT DAMN TIME. SHE KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME. HER GAYDAR IS ON FIRE. I LOVE HER.

Again, all of these events happened IN ACTUAL EPISODES, not in a fanfiction. I am FERAL over this. Bi!Buck is the best thing to ever happen to me.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk and if you don't ship BuckTommy, leave.

[tenisperfection]

Eddie’s been thinking about that conversation with Shannon for years now, the one where she turned down his offer to be together again. He never got a chance to say his piece, he never got a chance to tell her everything he’s been feeling about her leaving and coming back until she left permanently, with no way back. He’s been holding on to that anger for years too, and if Shannon’s ghost gives him a second chance to do that like how Shannon’s letter gave Christopher some closure, it’ll be a chance for Eddie to finally move forward. He’s never going to stop loving or missing or mourning Shannon, but maybe now he can see past that grief into those parts of himself he’s been repressing.

[gay-stuff-is-happening-here]

Saw this post and thought of him 🫶🫶🫶

[peggingeddiediaz]

Eddie Diaz forgetting to log out of his work twitter account part 144/?

[warpedpuppeteer]

"Tommy's gay?", says the dumb repressed gay confusedly

[darlingboydiaz]

do y'all ever think that eddie might have figured out how important buck is to him when he got shot, since he was reaching out to buck. and do y'all ever think he spent the next months trying to figure out how to get better and do better by chris and buck. and do y'all ever think he reached a point where he was finally gonna tell buck, but then buck got struck by lightning and eddie had to let that chance pass.

because i keep thinking about it.

[hisbucky]

Hen, hissing: Eddie. Stop staring! Eddie: But, but I can't look away... Hen: It's just Buck, Eddie. Focus! You're stronger than this! Eddie: I'm strong. I'm strong, yeah - Hen: ...did that freshman just spill his drink all over your crush? Eddie, praying: Praise be the Lord and may he have mercy on the thoughts I'm thinking.

[cinematicnomad]

i mean in a different interview that came out tonight ryan literally said he’d be down to explore buddie so i think tim mightve just figured a bi buck arc first would make sense tbh

my assumption is that tim had an idea for buck for s7 either with natalia or with lucy, since tim mentioned he wanted to bring her back, but when neither actress could fit it into their schedules he was suddenly left in a lurch and chose to flip the storylines since the actress who plays marisol (unfortunately) was open and willing to return.

honestly, i try to temper my expectations regarding any ship, but to ME this seems like a very good sign bc it implies that tim and the writers have discussed BOTH buck and eddie being queer. kind of feels like they think it's interchangeable which could, maybe, be a sign that they're both headed in that direction.

ryan has also played a queer character before and the rumors about him being homophobic or having issues with buddie have always seemed pretty empty to me.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Something something about bachelor party buck and Eddie and alcohol lowering inhibitions and therefore allowing them to display the closeness they can’t normally display with one another

Something something about Eddie saying g ‘this changes nothing between us’ only for us to then be shown them behaving very different when inhibitions are not inhibiting - when the truth of how things are changed/changing between them is allowed to exist for a period of time

[glorious-spoon]

i don't actually think buck will get mad at eddie about this. i DO think there's a good chance he'll go, 'come on, man, you're better than this,' thus hopefully causing eddie to disintegrate into a little heap of shame

[eddiedefender]

“eddie is a bad father"

Since 7x09 aired, I've been seeing a lot of people saying that Eddie is a bad father, and it's just so ????????????? Have you even watched the show???????

I'm not denying the mistakes Eddie has made regarding Chris, especially during the first years of his life, but making mistakes does not automatically make him a bad parent. The important thing is that after making those mistakes, he has done everything in his power to correct them. He has always tried to shield him of whatever disasters or tragedies life has thrown at Chris.

So for those people, now I'm going to do a rundown of Eddie's and Chris' relationship, but I'm also going to be focusing on Eddie as a person and not only as a father. i tried to keep it in a chronological order. (I'm so sorry for any inconsistencies :( )

El Paso, TX.

Shannon and Eddie begin

Eddie and Shannon were never a healthy relationship. They are high school sweethearts who had to get married due to her getting pregnant accidentally at 19. High school relationships, especially the first ones, are almost never meant to last. Eddie forced himself to get married to her bc he felt it was the “right” thing, due to his catholic upbringing and subsequent catholic guilt. He automatically assumed his role, not bc he wanted, but because he felt like he Had to. This caused his marriage to be extremely dysfunctional.

Catholic guilt and his identity Eddie's catholic guilt is likely closely related to his identity as the son of Mexican immigrants. Catholicism in Latin America was introduced in a very traumatic and forced way by Spanish colonizers. Thousands of Native Americans were killed for refusing to converse to Catholicism, therefore causing Catholicism to become really intense in Latin America, a way in which it remains until now. Entire Latino countries values and laws circle back to catholic traditions, there is virtually no way to escape religion. This is then mixed with the innate sexism that is common in those countries, leaving a pretty extreme view of gender roles. When a kid is raised in these environments or, in eddies case, by people raised in these countries, their life will always be dictated by Catholicism rules, especially when the family is especially (extra) religious, as is implied in Eddie's case. Coming back to how people's life is dictated by Catholicism… this is especially true regarding matters of sexuality and gender. As we all know, Latino Catholicism has strict views regarding gender roles. A man should be the “provider” and “strong” and the woman should “take care of the family” and be “gentle”. That is basically what Eddie is. He always paints himself as the strong one, bottling up his emotions; and also thinks of himself as only the provider for the family. This heavily affected his relationship with Shannon. When he got her pregnant, he automatically assumed that role by marrying her.

Newfound “family”

His marriage and new “family” life caused to be so overwhelming that the only out he saw, was enlisting and going to war, leaving his newborn son and wife alone. All of this was done under the pretence of being the “provider” for his family, because he thought that was what they required from him. He didn't comprehend that his wife and kid also needed him emotionally. Sadly, that was never going to happen due to the very circumstances in which the family was created. He never loved Shannon enough to make things work between them; but he still tried, for the sake of Chris' and to give him a chance to have a proper family.

Shannon leaving

after coming back from war, Eddie and Shannon tried to live the “family life” but that came to be impossible and overwhelming for both of them. This time it was Shannon that left. When she left, Eddie ended up alone with his son, fresh out of the army and with a family that wanted to take away his kid. He instantly knew that Christopher could not go through the trauma of losing another parent. That's why he decided to fight his toxic family for Chris' custody and took him away to L.A., so that they could live and navigate their new family dynamic far away.

Los Angeles, California

Eddie begins again

When Eddie moved out to L.A. he was still discovering how to raise a kid with a disability and also fighting his parents for Chris' custody. He did everything he could to ensure his kid was well taken care of, shielding him from his own struggles. When he got the job at the 118, he still did his best to keep him in a sort of normal environment. Due to Chris' disability, this came to be more of a challenge, but Eddie never stopped trying to get him the extra help he needed by every means.

When he joined the 118 he met buck who then introduced them to Carla, the social worker. Then, Carla and Eddie started to work together, so that they could improve Chris' quality of life, always looking out for his happiness.

L.A. life

Besides Carla, Eddie also found his support system on the 118. These people always helped him in everything he required and became his friends; especially Buck, as his best friend. Eddie found in Buck a person very similar to him, one that had Chris' best interests at heart and someone that would fight tooth and nail for him. Seeing the positive impact buck made, he decided to make him a constant presence in Chris's life. This made nothing but improve both Chris' and Eddie's family life.

Nevertheless, life in L.A. was not so happy for Eddie. Although he had found a support system and strong friendships, he was still processing Shannon's absence. He always blamed her for leaving him and her son. However, he never made these concerns known to his son, as he didn't want Chris' to grow to hate his mother. The only people who knew about this were the 118, although he was always reluctant to be open about any feelings he experienced.

Shannon

All this came to a halt when Shannon came back to their already settled lives. At the beginning, Eddie tried to navigate his issues with Shannon, without letting Chris know that she had come back. He was afraid that Shannon would leave and therefore scar Chris again. He wanted to shield him from that pain.

After a while, Eddie decided that it was OK for Shannon to come back to Chris' life and for them to try to be a family again. During this time, Eddie and Shannon were still figuring out what they were and how they wanted their future to look like, while also living the family life for Chris' sake.

After navigating their family life and personal conflicts for a while, Shannon asked Eddie for a divorce. She died days after. This was a very big hit for both Eddie and Chris. They both navigated their grief together. It was not a perfect journey, but Eddie never stopped having Chris' best interests at heart.

(natural) Disasters

Soon after Shannon died, another tragedy hit Chris' life: the tsunami. Both tragedies resulted in Chris having recurring nightmares, sometimes blending the lines between his mother's death and the tsunami. Eddie was constantly worried about the state of his son, even though the latter was not opening up to him. He took him to the psychologist to see what he could do to make him feel better and process his emotions.

Mothers or girlfriends?

After Shannon's death, Eddie, maybe involuntarily, leaned back into the “provider” role, and he looked for someone to fill the “mother” role for Chris. His next relationships were solely based on how much Christopher liked his girlfriends. He was focused, perhaps too much, on what he thought was best for Chris. He never noticed that Chris' didn't need another maternal figure, he already had everything he needed in Buck, Carla, and the rest of the 118.

The only relationship he had, prior to L.A. was the one with Shannon. The outcome of that relationship left him severely traumatized and unable to form emotional bonds with women. And anxiety when thinking of a future or marriage with them. He only valued his girlfriends regarding on how much Chris' liked them, removing himself completely from his own relationship.

Grief

since Shannon died, Eddie has never got the chance, or given himself the chance, to grieve her properly. He has constantly bottled up his emotions, until he couldn't anymore, resulting in extreme reactions. Or, on the other hand, completely gaslighting himself into believing something that wasn't true.

First, soon after she died, while dealing with the aftermath of the tsunami and its impact on Chris' he stated to develop feelings of anger towards her. To try and “process” his rage, he turned to illegal fight clubs, only stopping when he almost killed a man. Eddie then confessed to bobby he did that so that he could keep his anger under control as to not let Chris down, seeing he was the only parent Chris had left.

Second, during the subsequent seasons, Eddie started to completely morph the mental image he had of Shannon and their relationship. Shannon suddenly became the epitome of motherhood and the perfect wife. He completely stripped her out of her humanity, putting her on a pedestal or an example he should seek to obtain. All of a sudden, they never had any marriage problems, and he even forgot that she asked him for a divorce. Their marriage was only perfect since the day she died.

His delusions have reached their breaking point in s7. He quickly fell down into a hole after seeing a girl similar to his wife. He started pursuing her, even though he already has a girlfriend. Also, leading this woman into a situationship without her knowing about the wife.

It was only after buck said something, that he realized that he wasn't even sure of what he wanted from Kim. He soon after came clean to her, and tried to stop their relationship. (then she matched his 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 and actually got bangs and got into a weird role-play as shannon, to “try” to get Eddie to get over her, is suppose.... I don't even know what she was trying to do there😭😭😭😭). That is when Chris caught them. Eddie never intended for his son to see him in this broken state, and he had actually done a great job at hiding it until now.

This mistake does not erase how much Chris means to Eddie and all the things he has done to maintain Chris' wellbeing.

This is simply an example of a very broken man.

i wanted to clarify that when i refer to "catholicism" in the text im not talking about what the scriptures (Bible) say, i talk about how people interpret them in latam context. also im probably forgetting some things but I think this gets my point across.

[makorragal-312]

I know that there are some people that are worried that the show is scrapping Eddie's catholic guilt storyline.

But what if it's a thing where Eddie is still secretly meeting up with Kim, but he becomes so desperate to hold on to Shannon through Kim, he starts to isolate himself from Buck and everyone else while also lying to Chris and Marisol so that no one knows that he's seeing her until everything comes out in the open and things go to shit.

Marisol dumps him.

Kim drops him and tells him to never see her again.

Buck is angry at him for risking Chris' mental health and cheating, but is ultimately concerned for him.

And everyone else is just as worried, though not provided the full details.

And soon enough, Eddie begins coming undone from everything and that's when his catholic guilt starts to take over, realizing that he disregarded his vow of being faithful to his partner by cheating for a memory and that he's once again failed at providing a wife and stable family for his son (not yet realizing that he never needed to).

[dumbass-hyperfixations]

but what if we get a scene where Eddie and Tommy are hanging out and having some heart to heart, and Tommy talks about being shot in the army and his life flashing before his eyes. and then asks Eddie what it was like when he got shot. and eddie gets kind of quiet, and then goes

“you know, I don’t remember much. I’ve been in other near-death experiences where it felt like life flashing before me, but it was more like a reminder of what i had to fight for to stay alive. when I got shot though … all I can remember is flashes of what was happening around me before losing consciousness. Buck in front of me, my blood on his face. I saw the blood and immediately got worried about him, like he was the one who got hurt. I was in shock, I guess. And then I fell. And Buck was on the ground too, on the other side of the engine, his eyes staring right back at me. And when reality of what was happening came crashing down on me I thought, okay. If this is how I’m supposed to go, okay. As long as it’s not him.”

Then he goes on telling Tommy about Chris and how he knew Buck would take care of him if he died, and you just know Eddie’s talking about it like it’s nothing. But there’s something in his expression that Tommy catches, and he doesn’t say or do anything about it but we see it in his eyes that he KNOWS. what then.

[spaceyderg]

Intro sheet for Eddie Brock 688-B

An Ex Catholic reporter who moved to San Francisco after a certain incident that took place within the church he used to frequent. He still continues his work as a reporter, despite his reputation back in New York he truly believes he's doing good for the world. He loses his job once again after attempting to expose the Life Foundation. However he meets an unexpected ally who offers him a chance to take down Drake properly. Will his sense of justice motivate him to do the right thing or will he run away and cut his losses once more?